03 - Valley Planet

Transcription

03 - Valley Planet

page 1
Letter From The Publisher
Publisher
Milton A. Lamb Jr.
Executive Editor
Tammy Westmoreland
General Manager
Cherié Lamb
VP Sales & Marketing
Brian Suwarow
Well, we’re 2 months into this Valley
Planet experiment, and already I’ve been
removed from writing here. I really don’t
know what I did to deserve this, but my
wife, Cherié, is taking over letter from
the publisher for this issue. She’s already
got her poetry, her article and her photographs in here. You’d think that would
be enough, but nooo! Oh well, maybe I’ll
write again next issue.
Milton A. Lamb Jr.
Classified Ad Manager
LaDonna Thrasher
photo by guess who...Cherié Lamb
Contributors
Dr. Anarcho, Jeremy L. Anderson,
Jennifer H. Daniel, Uncle Flabby,
Allison Gregg, Linda Haynes, Sharon
Jordan, Michael Kilpatrick, Cherié
Lamb, Evelyn Loehrlein, Jennie
McBride, Cody Roy, Jimbo Scampi,
Justin Segura, Brian Suwarow,
Martha Templeton, Bryan Thames,
Ricky Thomason, Georgina Troughton
The Valley Planet is printed for you
by the good folks at Pulaski Web.
Pulaski, Tennessee
The VALLEY PLANET and valleyplanet.com are
published twice monthly by VALLEY PLANET INC.
P.O.Box 335, Meridianville, AL 35759. Subscriptions
are available for $42 per year, but you can pick up
the paper free all over the place or get it free on
the web. One copy per person please; don’t waste
trees. Copyright 2003 by the VALLEY PLANET,
INC. All rights reserved. Reproduction or use
without our permission is strictly prohibited. The
views and opinions expressed within these pages
and on the web site are not necessarily those of
VALLEY PLANET, INC or its staff. The VALLEY
PLANET is not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts or art. Back issues, when we have some, will
be available for $2 each. Please send requests by
email info@valleyplanet.com, or mail Valley Planet,
P.O.Box 335, Meridianville, AL, 35759, or call
256.858.6736. Rock on.
page 2
After our last issue, someone asked
us what was our focus? What is the
Planet trying to promote or be? We
want to be a voice of our area. We
at the Planet do not have a political,
religious or philosophical agenda
that we are trying to shove down
your throat. Our agenda is to help
promote local ideas, businesses and
offerings of the Valley, whether that
be music, dining, the arts, shopping,
bar-hopping, reporting, ramblings,
funny stories, personal thoughts
and opinions, creative expressions,
hiking, travel … well, I think you get
the idea. We are an eclectic collection
of the Valley and its people. The letter
from the Silent Screamer says it best.
We want to allow freedom of speech,
while not printing or promoting
anything you wouldn’t watch on TV
(that includes the Comedy Channel
and all those reality shows, but staying
on this side of “The Sunday Night
Sex Show” that’s on Oxygen.) At the
Valley Planet, we want to present as
many points-of-view, opinions and
ideas as we feel are entertaining, add
to the appeal of the paper and promote
the Valley.
While many of us Vallians were born
and raised in this area, many of us
are transplants from different cities
and countries … a great big Valley
melting pot. This area has a lot to
offer, but sometimes seems to lack a
cohesiveness or an identity (something
people can identify with and become a
part of). The mountainous landscapes
surrounding this area still amaze me
(coming from an area where you don’t
see even many hills). The amazing
collections of preserved and lived-in
historic homes are also unique and
bring much character to the area.
There are a lot of restaurants, nightlife, music, art, shopping, ideas and
VERY talented people right here in
OUR area. That’s right; if you live
here, you are from here — therefore
YOUR area.
The Valley is us. It is your next-door
neighbor (you may or may not know),
your co-worker, your friend or foe,
your preacher or your barkeep. And
the Planet wants to bring us together to
entertain, inform and just share ideas.
We are evolving with each issue, and
you — the Vallians who choose to
participate in the experiment — are
shaping the future of the Planet and
hopefully the Valley itself.
Do you like to stand on your soapbox?
Do you want to share your views,
opinions and philosophy of life? Then
email us and tell us your views or
your opinion of what you have read.
You can become a part of the project
or just enjoy it (or not) from afar. All
we ask is that you visit our advertisers
so the Planet can continue to revolve
and evolve.
We have been amazed by the talent
and the people that have become a
part of the Planet. Thank you for your
participation.
Cherié Lamb
In The Planet
THE VALLEY PLANET
VOLUME 1, ISSUE 3
#090403092403
September 4 - September 24, 2003
NEXT ISSUE SEPTEMBER 25, 2003
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on the cover, the artwork of andrew sharpe
letters to the planet
unchained maladies
boondocks
brothers in music, antony and andrew sharpe
lincoln county bluegrass festival, september 26 & 27
weirdoes in the garden
keys, locks and things that go honk in the night
2003 mova arts festival, september 18-21
married... yet?
reviews: print
reviews: cinema
last chance, vote yes or forever hold your peace
monte sano art show, september 20
wet/dry issue great opportunity for athens’ future
calendar
41st ann arbor film festival at uah
convergence in art
the deep end
listings
garden of eatin’
dr. anarcho’s rx for old stuff that don’t suck
liquid meat - beads, bathrooms and black batons
huntsville symphony orchestra celebrates
news of the weird
ask uncle flabby
jimbo scampi - huntsvegas baby
page 3
On The Cover
By Michael Kilpatrick
Letters To The Planet
Your magazine rocks!!
Mark Young
A veritable black and white advertising rag of soy based ink
and recycled paper whose kinda edgy articles with vestiges of
conservatism for broader appeal to manic masses of southerners
looking for life in places of times or calendar events while
attempting to glean a sense of belonging while strangers who
write words for hope and offerings of products splash the pages
vying for interest with dollars spent employing images to conjure
people wanting to belong to a planet in the valley of the shadow
of dixie but rocked and changed by space but merged from gray in
events published for appeal to masses whose angst is hidden in
interest but flickered by shooting waves of reality to silently
scream their topics to anyone with hope made less lonely by
clinging to people solidified with issues that raise the
conscious level by being a free offering to publicly available
denizens of generations of x and ys.
The Silent Screamer
Dude, YOU are my hero.
Pictured is a very thin and handsome
Dr. William S. Janna, Professor
of Mechanical Engineering at the
University of Memphis, smartly
attired in his recently won Valley
Planet T-shirt. “It is the prize of
my collection,” remarked Dr. Janna.
You were my hero until the Silent Screamer screamed.
I really liked the news of the weird section (it’s my favorite)
and the restaurant and book review. The book review could have
been a little more straight forward for my taste, read it or
not???? Can’t put it down or can’t pick it up??????
Ricky Thomason article was a little overboard for my taste. I’m
just being honest.....
I think you guys have a really
good thing going. It’s a great
read!!!!
See ya,
V.M. Decatur
more art by Andrew Sharpe
Andrew Sharpe is from St. Albans,
England, and is based in Huntsville,
Ala. Andrew has been an artist
for most of his life and is a skilled
craftsman with firm and classic
training at the Art Institute of
Atlanta, where he received an
associate’s degree. He has personal
and commissioned art all over the
Southeast. Andrew is also a pianist
and vocalist with the local group Toy
Shop (article on page 6). No doubt
his brilliant musical mind influences
his artistic processes, and vice versa.
 
Andrew’s work echoes the famous
muralist Thomas Hart Benton, in
which manipulations and whimsical
form play a huge role. Andrew’s
works are full of drama, expression
and style. Upon closer examination,
the works reveal precise attention
to detail, with visual contortions
and humorous elaborations full
of exaggerated perspectives. Also
present are jumbles of highly
stylized characters in imaginative
locales. The eye simply finds more
and more structures to follow with
each viewing.
Caricatures are also present in
some of Andrew’s work, and the
gentle satire and storytelling reveal
volumes of experience with human
and animal forms. Imagination and
fantasy play a role as well, with highly
conceptualized looks at skewed
reality. Effective juxtaposition of
colors also contribute to Andrew’s
work, as it escapes into a fictional
world of his own making and
invites you along for the ride.
 
Andrew Sharpe can be contacted
and his art can be viewed online in
“Andrew’s Art” at www.toy-shop.us.
Note: The artwork depicted on
the cover of the Valley Planet
is a work in colored pencils
on illustration board, which
Andrew presented to his sisterin-law, Leslie, as a birthday gift.
Good going Valley Planet!!!
The party at the Jello Room
was great fun & thanks for the
cool T-shirts!! Valley Planet
gets better every issue. I
can’t wait to read September’s
issue. Keep up the first class
work!
J.K. Huntsville
Sucking up for another freebe, aye?
I discovered VP at Zesto’s when I visited Huntspatch after a
30-year absence last week. The tree is gone! I sure do miss the
place and I am grateful for a cyberlink to it. Like a ghost, I
checked out the old house on McClung Ave next to the cemetery
where I lived while serving at RSA and attending UAH. I was
unable to find old friends but give my love to Deborah, Ursula,
and Sharon.
Chris, who moved to Florida in 1973
Hello to the staff at Valley Planet,
Wow, what a lovely paper!
If you have read the “Southern Belles Handbook” you know that
“lovely” is the highest adjective that can be bestowed. I have
had to refer to this cultural manual on numerous occasions,
having been raised in my mother’s town of St. Louis Mo. and
having been taught my gracious manners by my Yankee grandmother.
After a nine year
adventure in New
Orleans (where
you really don’t
need gracious
manners so much
as the ability
to say “Back off,
Jack” and mean
it, something
my grandmother
didn’t figure
I’d ever need to
know), I landed
in Huntsville.
If our ecomony
could pick up
continued on page 7
page 4
Happy Birthday Chris!
Cherie gives this letter 2 thumbs up!
Unchained Maladies
Ricky Thomason Writes
You’ve all wondered who the mildmannered reporter is at your Valley Planet,
the subversive’s guide to Huntsville’s
over-the-counter-culture. Some of us
write anonymously, and we’re sure you
understand why. I’m going to share with
you the most closely guarded secret at the
VP office: my true identity.
whomever happens to be rubbing it on us
at the time. I won’t reveal mine in detail,
but it’s more powerful than any pocketful
of Kryptonite.
Like most super athletes, I’m strong and
fast, but it seems we’re just not very
s-m-a-r-t. Don’t think I’m just another
weekdays, but you better do the posted
half-dollar on Saturday morns. That many
cops wouldn’t show up if O.J. crashed a
white Bronco into Krispy Kreme.
Am I the only alien in this burg that
hasn’t opened a Mexican restaurant?
One more super question: why — and
how — do women use so much toilet
paper? I know what you’re thinking, but
I’m far too sensitive and polite to use the
x-ray vision to peek. A group of men will
use one roll of toilet paper a week. Ladies
use a roll-per-trip-per-woman. I suspect
women just push the cardboard core out
far enough to make a handle on the new
roll, and then use the whole thing like a
bottle brush.
You’ve heard the jeering cries about
me when injustices are committed in
our throbbing metropolis, “Look! Up
in the sky! It’s a turd! It’s a pain! It’s
— Stuporman!” Yes, down at the superclub, those cynical oafs call me the man
of stool, say I’m faster than a speeding
mullet, more powerful than my loco
motives, able to leap to tall conclusions in
single bounds.
I had to come out after Wonder Woman
got big ink last issue. I call her “Wonder
Woman” because I wonder if that gal
could hem a hog up in a ditch.
There, I feel better. Don’t be fooled by
that “Super Friends” crap on TV. That
gang is just as backbiting, gossipy,
petty and jealous as the people in your
workplace. Old Thor stays sore. We had
to take his hammer. The Incredible Bulk
sulks, turns green and busts out of his
britches over the least little thing. The
Six-Million Dollar Man and Woman
have completely depreciated. And that
obnoxious Spiderman shoots his sticky
stuff everywhere — then tries to tell us
it’s protein and good for us. Holy Salami,
if you want to see a dynamic snit, ask
Buttman and Rubbin’ what you get
when you cross rump roasts with Power
Rangers.
Just don’t tell our local Lois Lane editor
person. She hasn’t a clue as to who I really
am and never notices that Stuporman and I
never appear together. I always “just miss
him.” I’m about caught up on this in-thecloset rescuer’s job anyway. Lately, when
the brown gravy hits the fans, I duck into
a phone booth and change my mind.
Being Super anyone isn’t all it’s cracked
up to be. One of the worst things is these
damned little suits you have to wear. Look
at mine — fruity blue pantyhose wedgied
up the crack of my butt while, for some
inexplicable reason, I wear my drawers
on the outside. Then there’s that towel
hung around my neck, good for nothing
but to flap in the wind when I fly. Mama
Kent dressed me funny, but it’s all part of
the show now.
I must fly. Next issue, I’ll return to my
usual mild-mannered self, I promise.
artwork by Debbie West
hunk of Kobe beef, though. I think and
wonder about important stuff. As I’ve
flown through Huntsville and life, I have
noticed a few things I’d like to ask about.
Why all the cop cars on Memorial
Parkway every Saturday morning? You
may drive seventy with impunity during
Enough already — my ass is completely
burrito’d out. Things are happening that
can no longer be blamed on the guiltylooking Super dog. The Ionic Breeze gets
badly overloaded. A recent study on gas
claimed there’s little difference between
regular and super. Obviously, no one
Ricky Thomason is a freelance writer from
Huntsville. Email Rick at
ricky.thomason@valleyplanet.com.
BOONDOCKS
All heroes must have a chink in the
armor, that one little thing that makes
us weak, causes lapses of judgment, and
temporarily puts us under the spell of
checked with me. If we don’t get some
different cuisine around here, I’m going
to start skywriting when I fly. (Surrender
Dorothy) You think you’re good? Maybe
you can crop dust an entire aisle in the
Wal-Mart, but if I get started, Huntsville
will smell like Birmingham.
page 5
Brothers In Music
Antony And Andrew Sharpe Bring
Music Full Circle
Soon, the heavier sounds of Black
Sabbath, UFO and Led Zeppelin
began filtering into Antony’s musical
vocabulary.
“I was taken by the more experimental
side of Led Zeppelin, particularly the
Physical Graffiti record for its imaginative
bent, and the Black Sabbath stuff was so
powerful, yet very melodic at the same
time,” Antony explained. “Eventually the
later period Beatles stuff began to make
an impression on me ... not so much the
‘Fab Four’ stuff, but more the last few
records of theirs, the Rubber Soul/White
Album/Abbey Road years. They seemed
to be stretching out and discovering, and I
was doing a bit of that myself.”
The guitar by then was a permanent
fixture in the young man’s hands, and
Antony dedicated himself to long hours
of working out the constructions of this
classic material, piece by piece.
more art by Andrew Sharpe
M
usic is an integral part of culture
in which people share ideas, and
these ideas are then expanded
upon by each generation, creating living
reflections of their surroundings. But the
best music of any generation transcends
the moment in which it was constructed,
serving as a reminder to the past, but also
pointing to the future.
A faded photograph depicts a WWII-era
jazz band, complete with horns, fiddle,
banjo, upright bass and drums. The front
head of the bass drum is adorned with the
words “Dance Band Cabaret,” and from
the looks of the gentlemen in the photo,
they meant business. The band played hot
jazz for dancers, from the likes of Benny
Goodman and Glenn Miller. Clutching
an alto saxophone in the shot is one
Frank Sharpe, native of the Midlands of
Derbyshire, England. Frank’s band was
based in the area around Nottingham and
Leicester, where they won awards for
their musical exploits, not least of which
was their ability to get a crowd on its feet.
Shades of things to come.
The legacy of the late Frank Sharpe
trickled down to his grandsons,
Huntsville’s Antony and Andrew Sharpe,
who have been making music in this area
for more than 20 years. Antony, or Ant as
he is known, is the older brother and is
as outspoken, amiable and funny as he is
accomplished at his craft.
He reflects back to his childhood with
grinning enthusiasm:
“Growing up in England,” Ant said, “there
was always music around. My mother and
father were always playing the piano and
listening to music. It was a very musical
place, our house.”
Indeed, the brothers had music on both
sides of the family. A “little genius” cousin
of Ant and Andrew on their mother’s side,
James Bentley, now enjoys success as a
composer and has had his compositions
performed throughout England and aired
on BBC Radio.
Antony and Andrew Sharpe were born in
the late-1960s and raised in St. Albans,
Hertfordshire, a city built atop an old
page 6
Roman settlement, just north of London.
It was in St. Albans that the brothers first
heard what was to be their calling.
From an early age, the Sharpe brothers
were encouraged to try their hands at
music, and London was teeming with the
sounds of a new generation.
“The radio was always on, and we got a
bit of everything there,” Antony said, his
slight British brogue lingering. “The first
45 I ever bought was Stevie Wonder’s ‘I
Wish,’ which simply fascinated me. Still
does.”
Picking up the guitar seriously at age
14, Antony began playing along with
records, while younger brother Andrew
simply sat down at the family piano and
started playing as though it was already a
part of him.
“People forget what brilliant musicians
McCartney, Jeff Beck and Bob Dylan are,
and that their creations have always risen
above the hype that surrounds them,”
Antony said, arguing his point.
By 1982, the aerospace industry in
Huntsville had beckoned for the Sharpes’
father, and the family moved here with the
promise of yet another new beginning.
“At first, it was a total culture shock for
us, and I wasn’t sure about it,” Antony
shared. “But this is really the area where
rock ‘n’ roll music came from, and I sort
of waded in.”
Antony began playing with local
musicians, among them David Anderson
and future Toy Shop drummer Jim
Keeling, and discovering new slants on the
music he’d grown up with. In an informal
such a graceful strength in the art of
body manipulation that he was offered a
full scholarship to Syracuse University,
which he gladly accepted. But after a leg
injury sidelined him, he returned south
to concentrate on his art and music. In
short order, he had moved to Georgia and
received a degree from the prestigious Art
Institute of Atlanta.
Returning to Huntsville, Andrew joined
his brother (and, on occasion, Keeling) in
a series of musical explorations. By now
Andrew was an accomplished pianist and
singer, as sound and art collided.
“I was particularly taken with Peter
Gabriel, not only for his music but for
the way he presented it, and it went from
there,” Andrew recalled.
Andrew Sharpe is a quick wit and an
intuitive presence. He speaks softly and
chooses his words carefully. But once
behind a piano, he becomes ten-feet tall,
in complete command of his facilities,
and a master musician with equal parts
grace and grit.
The brothers Sharpe became a fixture
of the Huntsville club scene, playing
as a duo in smoky confines and as a
part of bigger ensembles with some of
Huntsville’s greatest musicians, such
as Jim Cavender and David Anderson.
With this experience honed in the clubs,
the duo began writing together, often
presenting original compositions right
along with their favorites of the day.
The duo formed Toy Shop in the early
90s to present some of this material,
with a virtual revolving door of sidemen,
including the brilliant Huntsville
bassist John Onder. The group played a
sprinkling of several musics, with healthy
doses of British rock and liberal tastes of
more homegrown styles.
“He’s really the
genius of us; he
has so much music
in him,” Antony
said of his younger
sibling. Andrew also
developed an early
interest in visual art
and began painting in
a highly imaginative
style.
The
brothers’
father, an aerospace
engineer,
moved
the family across
the Atlantic from
Hertfordshire
to
Toronto in the mid-1970s, and the boys
got a breath of fresh air with the sounds
of the new place.
“Toronto was really a hotbed of music,”
Antony said. “We heard Neil Young and
Bob Dylan, and that broke it wide open
for me.” The Canadian city was indeed
artistically and multiculturally alive, and
the sounds Antony heard refined his focus
on music. “I absorbed so much there,” he
said. By this time, Antony’s passions
were music and soccer ... running neck
and neck.
jam session with Keeling, Antony found
his first kindred spirit, a musical soul mate
and a lasting friendship. They worked
together again over the years, and kept in
touch. At the end of his time at Grissom
High School, Antony headed to UAH on a
full soccer scholarship and started playing
music at night in area clubs.
Andrew Sharpe, shy, with a dry sense
of humor and a brilliant mind, had only
dabbled in music and left Huntsville, and
the company of his brother and Keeling, to
attend a high school in upstate New York
to prepare him for a future in gymnastics.
Antony’s agile younger brother displayed
Of the material they chose to present,
Antony said:
“Andrew and I were always about not
having musical prejudice or worrying
about what was considered cool. We liked
what we liked because it spoke to us.”
Andrew echoed his brother’s sentiments:
“We always thought that the wide range
of music we played was both a blessing
and a curse, because people sometimes
like to peg you as a ‘rock’ band or a ‘pop’
continued on page 34
continued from page 4
even just a little bit, this place would be just about perfect,
and we shouldn’t go out of our way to advertize this, or we won’t
stay that way long.
We’re not so large that you are overwhelmed with so many choices
that you usually just stay home, but we have enough going on to
keep things interesting. Some wonderful music,and finally we have
some good restaurants that are not Mexican, Chinese, or southern
fried. I also love how there is room here to create excitement;
it’s always seemed to me somewhat pointless to work at being
artistic and glamorous in a place already overflowing with
artistic and glamorous people. But maybe our biggest challenge
in the Tennessee Valley is how to keep our community as vibrant
and liveable as it is now, avoiding turning into another Atlanta,
while still continuing to prosper.
Well, I’m being chatty for no particular reason, and I promise
not to do this often, but I am inspired after reading your paper
for the first time. I really want to compliment you all on being
organized and inclusive enough to have all the club listings, a
feat that heretofore no one has been able to manage very well,
no offense to those who have tried, maybe it just wasn’t the
right time. Valley Planet has a good mix of useful information,
cultural reporting (great article on local music), good ideas
(your editorial about supporting local businesses)and off the
wall stuff (that girl scout story!) I actually read most of
it, instead of just leafing through and getting bored in three
minutes. Also you seem to be environmentally concerned and
respectful of everyone without bowing to, or rebelling against,
the often ridiculous rules of political correctness.
Thanks for publishing “Valley Planet.”
Julia Carter, Huntsville
Thanks for listing us. You guys have a great magazine.
Huntsville needs.
Short Bus
Just what
If you have a band, or if you’re an artist or any struggling creative type, please let us know what you are
doing and when, and we’ll find a way to get it in here. Email us at calendar@valleyplanet.com or call 858-
Brian & Paul at Humphrey’s
Just received the copy
and tee shirt you sent.
Thank you for both. I
am overwhelmed with
your first issue. I did
appreciate the hard copy
much more than I could
feel warm and fuzzy
about the website copy.
Very informative and
well written. I enjoyed
Cherie’s poem and
photo. If I ever need an
alias, I must use “Ima
Nu Ritter”. Huntsville
sounds like its rockin,
maybe Barb and I should
have retired their-not.
Love,
B&B
I don’t want either my business or my music organization’s
ads to appear next to bogus bylines such as “Ima Nu Ritter”,
“Leigh Pafayth”, or articles denigrating Girl Scouts (good God,
at least they are inclusive! Give them a break), or with Ricky
Thomason’s rambling column in poor taste about vaginitis and the
dentist getting friendly with him.
I liked the first issue a lot, and I’m appalled at the
second one. I used to live in a city with great free papers
that shared your format. I had high hopes for VP: I’m really
disappointed.
Sincerely,
J R
Kucinich in 2004. A meeting for the “Kucinich in 2004” Huntsville
area volunteers is set for Thursday, Sept. 4 at 7 p.m. in Papa
Lovetti‚s restaurant, located at 4710 University Drive. The meeting is open to anyone interested in learning more about Dennis
Kucinich and his stand on the issues as he vies for the Democratic nomination for president of the U.S.
There is no cost to attend the meeting. For more information,
call Linda Haynes, Volunteer meeting host, (256) 489-3884 or
email lahaynes@knology.net.
I would like to thank Winton Blount, former chairman of the
Alabama Republican Party, for his recruiting on behalf of the
Libertarian Party. According to a July 20th report in the Mobile
Register, Blount proclaimed that Republicans who oppose the Riley
tax increase are “more Libertarian” than Republican and that
“They ought to join the Libertarian Party.” Blount supports
Republican Governor Bob Riley’s plan to impose the largest tax
increase in Alabama history. The Libertarian Party of Alabama
welcomes former Republicans-- and others--who want to join a
party that is sincere in promoting smaller government and lower
taxes. Call 1-800-682-1776 or go to www.al.lp.org/voteno.htm.
Alan Barksdale
afbarksd@hiwaay.net
FREE Fun at
Lincoln County Bluegrass Festival
September 26 and 27
Are you looking for something FREE and
DIFFERENT to do this fall? Take a ride
to Fayetteville, Tenn., enjoy the crisp fall
weekend, the sun shinning through your
car windows and search out some good
tunes.
In Fayetteville, you’ll find a charming
town chock-full of antiques, unique
stores, cozy restaurants and B&Bs galore;
and on September 26 and 27, you’ll find
the 2nd Annual Lincoln County Bluegrass
and Crafts Festival at the Lincoln County
Fairgrounds. Take some time to visit the
festival, and you’ll want to stay for more.
Enjoy all types of bluegrass instrumental
and band competitions, and stay for the
bluegrass dance competitions, which last
year pounded the stage like an American
Riverdance. Also, not to be missed is the
homemade food: rib-eye sandwiches,
ribs, barbeque and more ... all cooked up
by community non-profit groups. Don’t
forget to schmooze the craft booths, listen
to some pickers in the barns and take
a carriage ride — if you feel energetic
enough, climb the rock wall!
The festival has something for everyone.
Approximately 5,000 – 7,000 visitors
enjoyed the event in 2002. One Nashville
attorney wrote with compliments about
the wonderful time he and his out-oftown guests had at the festival. The fest
also received much praise for being
both “down home” and “high caliber
and professional.” Be adventurous this
September. We promise, you won’t be
disappointed.
Admission to the Lincoln County
Bluegrass and Crafts Festival is FREE!
Plenty of free parking outside the gates
and only $3 to park inside the gates. RV
parking is available on the fairgrounds for
a $15 fee. All RV tickets will be entered in
a prize drawing. No alcoholic beverages
will be allowed inside the fairgrounds;
none will be served at the concessions.
Gates will open Friday at 3 p.m. and
Saturday at 7 a.m. More than $8,000 in
prize money will be awarded!
For more information or directions, visit
www.lincolncountytn.com/bluegrass
or call 931-433-8640, 931-433-2510 or
The Chamber of Commerce at 931-4331234. The festival is currently accepting
craft booth applications & competitor
applications. Sorry, all food booths are
taken.
The Lincoln County Bluegrass Festival is
a 5014C non-profit festival. All proceeds
(parking, t-shirts, etc.) help fund next
year’s event and future arts scholarships.
Volunteers and sponsors welcome!
SOUTHERLANDS PHOTO
Please send us your thoughts. We’ll get as much as
we can in here and more at www.valleyplanet.com
Email us at opinions@valleyplanet.com
page 7
By Sharon Jordan
A
s if there aren’t enough wacky types invading
our overcrowded public spaces these days,
the Huntsville Botanical Garden is adding to
that colorful melee with its annual September through
October “Scarecrow Trail” festival. Judging from
the past two years’ cast of unbelievable characters,
you can expect to expand your preconceived concept
of scarecrows from cast off clothes strung up on a
couple of sticks, to brilliantly conceived and cleverly
engineered arboreal sculpture, a.k.a. yard art.
To give creative rein to potential scarecrow builders
— and the term “scarecrow” is used loosely — prize
categories were revamped this year to include, among
others, strangest, scariest, funniest and a judges’ choice
category to catch those unbelievably creative efforts
that just don’t fit in any other class. Last year that
would have included the picture-perfect underwater
Sponge Bob Square Pants scene, complete with noodle
anemones, and UAH’s “This Scarecrow’s Got a Brain”
— well, you just had to be there!
Being seasonal creatures, scarecrows are not known
for their longevity, but C & J Welding’s scrap
metal “Knight and His Mighty Steed” have become
permanent fixtures at the Botanical Garden — you
just have to wonder what they’re going to come up
with this year. Other area businesses really work
hard at beating the competition; departments within
Crestwood Medical Center even compete with each
other — last year, one generously proportioned “nurse”
was a real eye-opener! But “Scarecrow Trail” really is
a family show; from Oompa Loompas to Harry Potter
to the Giant Ladybug, these scarecrows are something
really special.
Adding to the general pandemonium and good
old-fashioned fun at the Botanical Garden are the
“Treemendous Treehouses” and the Amazing Sorghum
Maze. Thick, green and over 7-feet tall, you almost feel
like you’re in some surreal green and rustling world,
except for the kids zipping and weaving everywhere
and whooping it up. And, how come they always make
it out first? Aren’t we supposed to be the intelligent
life around here? Not to worry. On weekends you can
hop on a hayride to catch your breath and enjoy the
sights and sounds of the fall scenery at a more leisurely
pace. The Garden is magnificent at this time of year
page 8
photos courtesy of Huntsville Botanical Garden
with changing leaves and fall plantings painting the
landscape in broad sweeps of intense colors.
With so much “growing on,” a visit to the Huntsville
Botanical Garden is a real family pleaser. The Garden
is located at 4747 Bob Wallace Avenue. Garden hours
are Monday - Friday 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and 1 p.m. to 5
p.m. on Sundays. For the full slate of activities, visit
www.hsvbg.org or call 256-830-4447.
Keys, Locks
and Things That Go Honk
in the Night
By Martha Pendergrass Templeton
A
few years back, someone who
either is or has lived with an
obsessive-compulsive
person
invented the now famous remote control
door-lock for the automobile. As one who
for some time now has been obsessed
with keys and locks, I was thrilled to
find that my new van came with one of
these trinkets. Now, instead of going out
to my van to make sure that it is locked,
I simply have to press the button
and the horn will sound
a reassuring “honk,”
which, in modern
car
language,
means,
“Oy!
You locked it,
already!” Or,
occasionally,
it
will
answer,
“ h o n k ,
h o n k , ”
translated,
“You locked
it, but some
schlemiel
left the door
open.” All of
this information
I can get from
the comfort of my
own home, and I
don’t have to obsess over
whether I locked the keys in
the car or not, as I always lock it from
the outside now. A brilliant invention!
What the inventor failed to consider,
though, was the fact that the obsessivecompulsive locker is still obsessivecompulsive and might annoy those
around her with her incessant honking.
Sometimes I am halfway to the house and
I wonder, “Did I hear the horn honk?” I
don’t remember. So I honk it again, just
to be sure. And, just as a precaution, each
night before I go to bed, I walk to the
window and honk the horn goodnight. It
is a sickness, but what am I to do?
Besides all the checking, I am a counter
too. I don’t necessarily count things I
hear, so much as I count things I do.
Steps … just counting my steps as I
walk, particularly walking up or down
stairs. One, two, three, four, six and I’m
in the living room. Kisses. My husband
will kiss me several times, thinking, I am
sure, that we are both caught up in the
ecstasy of it all; and just as he pulls away
to gaze into my eyes, expecting some
wonderful, romantic phrase, I invariably
say something like, “Six kisses.” I don’t
know why. I just have to count them.
Maybe I watched too much
“Sesame Street” growing
up.
I still check and
double check
the front door
and constantly
reach to my
pocket to
check and
recheck
to see that
my
keys
are there.
I check the
stove too,
but not as
much as the
lock. (Probably
because I go out
more than I cook.)
Maybe someday I
will be able to purchase
a keyless remote for all the
doors in my house, and perhaps a
miniscule version for my diary. Then I
can lie in bed at night and press buttons as
everything I hold dear honks goodnight
to me, and the neighbors (and perhaps
my husband and son) either begin to
count the honks with me or plan some
extravagant way of getting rid of me and
all my remote controls.
German Beverages, Music, Fun &
Dance. Games & Rides for all ages!
Parking, Rides and Entertainment
Included! Redstone Arsenal has the
Best 'Fest west of Germany!
Festival
Times
7-10 pm
7pm-midnite
6pm-midnite
2-6 pm
My friend, Debra, refers to her O-C
behaviors as “ritualized behaviors,” and I
am thinking of adopting the term in hopes
that it would at least make me sound more
sane. Perhaps I should have foregone the
purchase of the keyless entry devices
and just invested in a lifetime of therapy
instead.
Martha Templeton is an author, teacher and storyteller. Her story, “Simple Wooden
Boxes,” published in “A Fourth Course of Chicken Soup for the Soul” and in the “Chicken Soup
for the Soul Christmas Treasury” was the basis for a television short used in the “Chicken Soup
for the Soul” television series. Email her at martha.templeton@valleyplanet.com.
page 9
2003 MOVA Arts Festival
by Jennie McBride
J
The 2003 MOVA Arts Festival, to be
held Sept. 18–21 in Guntersville, offers
a lot for musicians and songwriters.
Along with an international songwriters’
competition, a visual arts component and
activities for children, the festival also
gives musicians and songwriters a chance
to study under and interact with music
professionals from throughout Alabama
and Tennessee when they attend the
MOVA 2003 Musicians’ Conference.
The list of professionals who are slated
to give workshops, master classes
and participate in panel discussions is
impressive, including platinum-sales
songwriters, music publishers, studio
owners and executives of songwriters and
musicians groups.
C
hris Gantry became a member of the
inner circle of Nashville songwriting
in the early ‘60s by penning over 70 songs
that have been recorded by country and
pop stars, including Johnny Cash, Reba
McEntire, Roy Clark, Robert Goulet and
Glen Campbell. He wrote the cross-over
hit “Dreams of the Everyday Housewife,”
earning the Nashville Songwriters Award
and three awards from the performing
rights organization BMI in 1963.
R
Participants can take classes and/or
private coaching sessions from the
following music professionals:
ussell Gulley is a blues and rock
musician, songwriter, bass player
and vocalist who played with Jackson
Highway. He has played with many blues
and rock stars and is a featured artist of
the Alabama State Council on the Arts
Artist Touring Guide. Gulley has been
an artist-in-residence in several school
systems and has experience in production
and artist development.
K
D
im Copeland is a performing
songwriter, publisher, producer,
teacher and author of “The Songwriter’s
Little Book of Big Thoughts” and “The
Writer’s Goal Book” (with Susan Tucker)
and is co-owner of Sage House Music and
Journey Publishing Company.
B
rian Evans holds a doctorate in music
composition from the University of
Illinois and is currently on the art faculty
at the University of Alabama.
amon Johnson, whose rock group
Brother Cane released three albums
on Virgin Records with three number one
singles. He wrote and did guitar work for
Sammy Hagar’s “Marching to Mars” and
was a member of Damn Yankees with Ted
Nugent. Johnson penned “Every Day,”
recorded by Fleetwood Mac vocalist
Stevie Nicks. He played all the guitar on
Faith Hill’s smash hit single “Cry.” He
is currently writing and recording with
his new band, Red Halo, and performs
occasionally with legendary rock vocalist
John Waite as lead guitarist.
A Celebration
of Creative Arts
September 18-21
Civitan Park
F E A T U R I N G
Located in Beautiful Lake Guntersville, AL
MOVA 2003 Songwriter/Composer Competition
All genres, $4,000 in cash awards
Lakeside Arts District
Exhibits & Demonstrations of fine, vanishing & folkarts & crafts
The “Village Voice”
Showcase of area talent in acoustic music, story, dance, etc
Musician’s
’ Conference
“The Art & Business of Music”
Kid’s
’ Art Park
Art, Music, Food & Fun for the Whole Family
call (256) 582-1454 or visit
http://MOVA.mountainvalleyartscouncil.org
page 10
im Parker is a songwriter, vocalist,
and guitar player who has performed
professionally throughout 43 states
with studio mastering, songwriting and
production experience in Amarillo,
Texas; Clovis, N.M.; Los Angeles, Calif.;
San Jose, Calif.; Nashville, Tenn.; and
Huntsville, Ala. He won the 1978 ASCAP
Songwriter’s Award for “I’ve Got A
Feelin’,” recorded by John Anderson on
Warner Brothers Records. Parker also
received a 1981 BMI Songwriter’s Award
for “Chicken Truck,” also recorded
by John Anderson on Warner Brothers
Records. This song reached #8 in the
nation on the Billboard country charts
and is on John Anderson’s first Greatest
Hits album.
R
undi Ream is the southern regional
director of the Songwriters’ Guild
of America. She works in Nashville and
is a specialist in artists and songwriters’
copyrighting issues. She has served
on many judges panels and has given
workshops and seminars on songwriting.
C
S
J
P
asey Kelly is experienced in many
areas of the music/songwriting
business. He has worked as a studio
musician, written songs for major-label
projects and worked for record companies.
He toured with Tom Rush (playing
guitar, keyboard and harmonica), and he
currently performs as a singer/songwriter.
He is a board member of the Songwriters’
Guild of America. Kelly wrote Grammy
nominated songs “Anyone Who Isn’t Me
Tonight” and “Soon,” as well as many
other songs recorded by such artists as
Helen Reddy, Don Gant, Kenny Rogers
and Dottie West, George Strait and many
others.
anet McLaughlin majored in classical
guitar and is a songwriter who has
worked with the Nashville Songwriters’
Association and the Country Music
Foundation at Camp Summersong.
McLaughlin has performed with the
Indigo Girls, whose voices are on one
of her compositions on her CD Dancing.
An integral member of Nashville’s music
community, McLaughlin has appeared
at selective clubs and has gained the
attention of fellow musicians and music
industry professionals. She also performs
in local benefit concerts where she shares
the stage with such artists as Emmylou
Harris, Roseanne Cash, John Hartford
and John Prine.
J
im McNeil won first place in Folk/
Blues, third place in Soft Rock, and
Best Love Song awards at the 2002
MOVA Arts Festival. He has won awards
in many songwriting competitions,
including first place at the Chris Austin
Songwriting Contest, MerleFest. He coproduced an album of children’s songs,
Kidfolk, in 1986 and released his first solo
album, Slow Circles, in 1984. He was
selected for Kerrville Folk Festival New
Folk Artist five times from 1989–2001.
McNeil is the owner of Front Porch
Music Publishing and Alchemy Records.
He holds a degree in marketing from the
University of Southern Mississippi.
usan Tucker is a songwriter, music
publisher, teacher and author of “The
Soul of a Writer” and “The Writer’s
Goal Book” (with Kim Copeland). Her
new book, “Secrets of Songwriting”
(Allworth Press), was due for a July 2003
release. Tucker has been a guest lecturer
at Berklee School of Music and teaches
workshops for NSAI, NCSA and other
songwriting organizations all over the
country. She co-authored the lesson plan
used by over 100 regional workshops of
the Nashville Songwriters Association
International. She is co-owner of Sage
House Music Publishing and a member of
ASCAP, NSAI and NARAS.
at Upton wrote “I Love You More
Today than Yesterday,” and the song
still ranks number 50 in the top 100
Favorite of all Times. He was recognized
in January 2003 by the Alabama Music
Hall of Fame with the America Music
Award. He is a former member of the
Spiral Starecase band and was also a
back-up singer for Ricky Nelson.
These music professionals offer a wide
range of workshops, master classes and
panel discussions, including topics such
as Elements of Professional Songwriting,
Lead Guitar Techniques, Graphic Design
Basics for Musicians, The Ins and Outs
of Contracts, The Creative Process,
Overcoming Musician’s Block, and
Harmony Basics: Understanding Chords.
Individual Coaching sessions are also
available with some of the professionals.
Classes range from 45-minute panel
discussions to 4-hour master classes.
Fees range from $15 to $75. A special
weekend rate is available for $175.
Prior registration is strongly encouraged.
After September 1, registrations will be
taken, space permitting, with a $20 late
registration fee. You can avoid the
late registration fee by identifying
yourself as a Valley Planet reader!
For more information on the Musicians’
Conference, contact the Mountain Valley
Arts Council at 256-582-1454 or e-mail
artscouncil@mindspring.com.
Information may also be found on the
web at http://
MOVA.MountainValleyArtsCouncil.org.
Married … Yet?
by Allison Gregg
There’s nothing more annoying than that dreaded question every single person
older than 25 gets: “So, you’re not married yet?”
I’ve been “fortunate” enough to get it in several forms. Upon hearing that I
would be a bridesmaid, someone said to me, “That’s how many times now?”
She didn’t have to say it. I knew what she was saying. I don’t know what answer
they’re fishing for when they throw those comments out. Even worse, I can’t
come up with a quick, funny answer to let them know they should just shove it
— I don’t want to be married.
For the longest time, I thought I had made it through my twenties without hearing
those comments. The first time I heard it I was, of all places, on a bus in Australia.
“A pretty girl like you, not married,” the Aussie bus driver commented. “No,” I
replied with a smile, “not yet.”
When some people realize I’m not married, I feel like they think it’s their duty
to remind me that I should be married by now. “Not married? Didn’t you get the
memo? You’re supposed to get married! Then you can buy a house!! Then you
can have kids!!! And maybe a dog!!!! Then there’re crappy diapers, daycare,
carpool, football and teaching your kids about puberty. Then they turn into teens
with atrocious attitudes and finally go off to college, only to leave you and your
spouse to just look at each other and ask, ‘Now what?’”
Is marriage the ultimate mecca? Is it the end-all, be-all? I’ve heard more antimarriage statements from married people than I’ve heard single people wishing
to get married. I’ve sat at more luncheons than I care to count with married
women who drone on and on about their husband’s inability to dress, clean, sleep
silently or flush. And the moment they realize I’m not sailing on the “Married
Folks Only Ship,” they comment that “don’t worry, you’ll see.”
I simply smile and think to myself, “Or maybe I won’t.” What if I never get
married? What if I never find the one? What if he already came into my life and
is long gone? What if my parent’s divorce screwed me up so much that intense
therapy will never cure my independent ways? Am I a horrible person because
I didn’t get the memo? Or, if it did show up, I had more important things to do
than read it, let alone believe it.
In this modern age when women can hold high political offices, edit newspapers,
direct movies and follow their hearts, why are they looked upon as incomplete if
they’re not married? If I were to be miserably married, would that be better than
being a smitten single?
At a social event the other night some one asked me if I was John’s other half,
and I smiled and replied, “Oh no, I’m my own whole.” That is the best reply I’ve
come up with to date. And fortunately, it’s the truth.
When not solving the world’s problems on her lunch break, Allison Gregg can be found running (not
working) <<that might be questionable...>> the streets of South Huntsville getting ready for the next big
race. Her hobbies include spending time with friends and her large and loving family, searching for good
food and great wine and avoiding any form of commitment.
page 11
Reviews
Print
by Ricky Thomason
Seven Days & Seven Sins
A Novel in Short Stories
by Pamela Ditchoff
Areheart Books, New York, NY
226 pages, Hardcover, $23.00
“S
even Days & Seven Sins,” the
critically acclaimed second
novel by Michigan author
Pamela Ditchoff, is a novel told in 14
imaginative short stories. Each story
stands alone, but Ditchoff’s skill weaves
them into an intricate tapestry of color
and touch.
Arnie the dwarf
marries a woman
who is as neurotic
as she is beautiful.
From
her
Lansing,
Michigan,
neighborhood, Ms. Ditchoff graciously
consented to talk with the Valley Planet
about her new work.
VP: We love the concept of short stories
“Seven Days” is the tale of the Lantern
Hill neighborhood and the unique
characters who dwell there. The group,
all misfits in their own way, have an
unknown but powerful influence on each
other’s lives.
Arnie the dwarf marries a woman who is
as neurotic as she is beautiful. Her pantry
holds a terrifying shadow of pain. A
woman blooms into a beauty of her own
with her beloved exotic orchids. Another
lives alone and reverts to living on all
fours. There is a heart-ripping portrait
of a leukemia victim’s last hunting trip,
followed by the story of the wrenching
effects on his widow and young son.
Story by story, the characters interact,
each going their own way, yet altering the
trajectory of their neighbors’ lives.
The cohesive element in the novel
is Angela Mayfair, a Millennium
Extrasensory Evolution Kid. She sees
through walls and into hearts and minds.
The daughter of a gay, bulimic man,
Angela recognizes people’s pain and
difficulties. She is keenly aware of life’s
problems and is a compassionate observer
who doesn’t interfere. This can be said of
both Angela and the author.
page 12
as novel chapters. It’s a fresh approach to
break the old taboo of multiple points of
view in a book. How did you come up
with the concept?
Ditchoff: I had several of the stories
when I started the book. The idea evolved
from a book of stories to a novel of
related stories when it occurred to me
that all of the stories took place in one
neighborhood. I know short stories are
said to be harder to write than novels, but
I found this approach very freeing.
VP: The woman who is a crow is a
wonderful image, the black jogging suit,
the yellow shoes, hands on hips like
wings, cawing her husband’s name, “Cal!
Cal! Cal!”
Ditchoff: Thank you. Harriet and
Calvin were some of my favorites, too. I
know Harriet, the crow woman, but her
identity isn’t for publication.
VP: If it’s an “If I tell you, I’ll have to
kill you” kind of thing, we don’t want
to know. I think all writers draw their
characters from the people around them,
and that often puts neighbors and family
in the sights.
Ditchoff: They are the people we know
best — or think we do. Long ago, people
got to know their neighbors by necessity.
Now, you can live somewhere for decades
and never know those living closest to
you. From the glimpses you get of most
of them, you aren’t sure you even want to
know what they do, what they are really
about. That’s why it was so much fun to
have Angela know her neighbors and
their stories.
VP: I guess if we really knew what lurks
next door, we’d want to move. In “Pride,
The Fourth Sin,” the idea that marijuana
literally saved the character’s life in
Vietnam is striking.
Ditchoff: The story of the helicopter
door gunner and the temple ball hash
was written pretty much as it was told to
me by my brother, years after he returned
from the war.
VP: And in the war he was a … ?
Ditchoff: Door gunner.
VP: On that note, we thank you. It
reminds us that we are overdue for our
life saving appointment.
Ricky Thomason is a freelance writer from
Huntsville. Email Rick at
ricky.thomason@valleyplanet.com.
Reviews
Cinema
by Cody Roy
MTV’SREALWORLDELMSTREET
I
t’s been a sizzling summer of fizzling
sequels. And as we switch gears for
the fall, Hollywood’s parade of Part
Twos peters out. But before the music
dies, a straggler shows up: the supersequel scuffle, “Freddy Vs. Jason.”
In 1993, “Jason Goes to Hell” culminated
with Freddy clawing his way up from the
nether world and snatching Jason’s mask.
Though it may seem subtle, this moment
rocked the “horrorati” because it meant
their fantasy clash might someday come
about. It was the tiniest trailer, a single
drop of blood heralding the three hundred
gallons that would be shed a decade later.
It seems odd, however, that a movie with
such rabid fans was placed under the
direction of Ronny Yu, whose greatest
achievement had been “Bride of Chucky.”
And even more puzzling was the casting.
Should we really be comforted by the fact
that the fates of our waking and sleeping
lives rest in the hands of a Dawson’s
Creek-ette, John Ritter’s son and Beyoncé
Knowles’ backup singer?
Elm Street parents have been administering
a dream suppressant to their children for
years, so today’s teenagers have no idea
who Freddy Krueger was, leaving him
powerless. Desperate, he recruits Jason
to visit these kids and reestablish enough
terror so that he can sneak back into their
sleep cycles. One oversight — once Jason
reacquires his taste for blood, he refuses
to leave. A turf war ensues.
Not only is the cast comprised of MTV’s
Real World-esque stereotypes (the pretty,
naive girl; the sensitive, cute guy; and the
surly, African-American home-girl — to
name a few), but the acting is equally
Freddy flings
Jason Flubberstyle around his
boiler room
instance, engages Freddy in an “oh-noshe-didn’t” snap battle: she insults his
“Christmas sweater” and argues that his
claws are compensation for a certain
shortcoming. In another Oscar moment,
a Jason Mewes clone hits a bong with
caterpillar Freddy. And in yet one more
scene destined to split Academy votes,
Freddy flings Jason Flubber-style around
his boiler room, accompanied by pinball
sound effects.
“FVJ” has a sadness that has less to do
with the “evil” ones failing to shake forty
years of collective rust from their blades
and more to do with the fact that this is
no longer a horror franchise. It’s a spoof
of itself. This sequel could easily pass for
another: “Scary Movie 4.”
one-dimensional. As the two supernatural
slashers lock blades to determine who will
kill them, these teen spectators are either
over-emotive or too subdued. In their
defense, however, the dialogue doesn’t
lend itself to Academy Award-caliber
performances. To appeal to today’s hip
hop-heavy culture, the screenwriters
apparently consulted Snoop Dogg.
“Freddizzle” finds himself punctuating
every statement with “B#@*%!”
Maybe it’s time for Hollywood to
swallow handfuls of sequel suppressants.
And if we’re lucky, the passage of time
will forever erase this waste of film from
memory. What’s left of your summer
cents would be better spent going to see
a man (Tobey Maguire) about a horse
(“Seabiscuit”).
This movie is laughably, insultingly
bad. A few scenes, in fact, are nearly
unwatchable. Kelly Rowland, for
Cody Roy is a freelance writer currently
residing in Huntsville. Email your comments
to movies@valleyplanet.com.
page 13
Last Chance.
Vote Yes or Forever Hold Your Peace
By Bryan Thames
I
f all people were born in the
geographic center of the United States
and then given a choice as to where
they wanted to live, how many people
would choose to live in Alabama? Why
do we live here?  
If you’re like me, you live here because
you were born and raised here. We had
no choice. But look at a map, admire the
vastness of the United States and look at
Alabama. Recognize what all fifty states
have to offer: mountains, fossil fuels,
beaches and climate. Alabama has lots
of these things, but it isn’t the prettiest
place in the world. Given Alabama’s past
as the center for backwards thinking, our
pathetic school system and our history of
keeping poor people poor and the rich,
rich, Alabama does not rank nationally as
a great state to move to.  
when trust means pulling out our check
books and giving the ol’ state of Alabama
what it justly deserves, more money.  
But I am going to vote for the governor’s
tax plan, not because I trust Riley a great
deal or particularly like him, but because
I’m sick of waiting. I’m sick of Alabama
being last in everything. And, like many
of you, I live here and have done so for
my entire life; I am not anti-Alabama. I’m
just down on it right now because I see so
much that we as Alabamians have to offer,
One friend, when asked about Riley’s tax
plan, said, “I don’t know. Why don’t they
just legalize marijuana and tax the hell
out of it?” I laughed and then I thought,
ingenious. It’s the number one cash crop
in every state in the Southeast. It’s not
going anywhere. We are never going to
win that war. Why? Because it makes too
much money. If Alabama wants to take a
bold step to raise money for the state, that
is an interesting idea.
Why is that? It’s because Alabama
doesn’t have any money. We haven’t had
any in a long time. All the cool things
that are going on next door in Georgia
can’t happen here because we don’t have
enough money. And that isn’t because we
don’t have a lottery; it’s because Alabama
is the cheapest state to live in of all in the
whole United States.  
I’m still paying for my college education
because we haven’t had a governor who
was capable of bringing enough money
to Alabama to pay for higher education.
Some people would say, “You’re right,
but every governor of Alabama has been
You don’t want to give
more money to the
government when you live
in the state that ranks last
in almost everything.
a complete and total jackass. I wouldn’t
give my money to any of them.” And this
is how the majority of Alabamians feel.  
You don’t want to give more money to
the government when you live in the state
that ranks last in almost everything. The
number one reason for that is that we
don’t trust that person whom the majority
of the state voted for, and we never will
page 14
yet we’re not because we can’t change.
And no change means no improvement.
I’m going to vote for this bill because I
don’t want to wait three years for another
elected official try to do what no one
seems to be capable of, improving the
quality of life in Alabama. 
To further instill in the minds of
Alabamians that this plan is needed,
Riley should have gone ahead and cut
the budget on all the little things we’ve
become so accustomed to in this state,
like high school football programs and
Medicaid money for old folks. All of
a sudden your one-high-school town
doesn’t have a football program anymore
and your ninety-two-year-old father lives
in your living room. Then, and only then,
people might finally realize what’s going
on and say, “Shit, I guess Alabama could
use some more money.”  
When Nevada became a state, nobody
wanted to live there, so they made
divorces legal, then prostitution and then
gambling. Alabama doesn’t need to do
these things. We are not a desert, but we
do need money. Perhaps prostitutes and
gambling could raise money for this great
state.
Another idea would be to release a
bunch of prisoners, particularly those
who are in jail for minor drug offenses,
which is roughly 70 percent of the prison
population, and send the extra money to
schools instead of housing and feeding
these folks.  
Though these ideas may seem bogus to
the average Alabamian and even to the
average American, that is my point. In
order to radically change and improve
the quality of life in Alabama, drastic
measures must be taken. All Riley is
asking is that we pay for what we are
asking for. We don’t have to legalize
marijuana, or cut high school football
programs, or cut Medicaid or release
prisoners to the street — but we do
need to give more to get more. And that
is all this man is asking for. I commend
him for it. Asking the State of Alabama
to considerably raise its taxes is a bold
move. The fact that Riley is a Republican
and is about to tax the hell out of the
powerful, wealthy folks here takes balls
and is an even bolder move. I like that in a
governor, especially in a state that seems
almost destined to remain at the bottom
of the barrel.
My girlfriend told me the other day that
she had heard a complaint from a woman
who owned three houses in Alabama. The
woman said that she would not be able
to afford her three homes if the tax plan
passes. I’m sorry to say that yes, if you do
happen to own three houses in Alabama,
you will pay more in taxes. One beauty of
Alabama’s current tax system is that right
now it is cheap to own and maintain more
than one house. But let us now, just for
a second, think about those who live in
Alabama and do not have a house, who
do not own vacation homes, who never
received a good education. Let’s think
about who this tax will benefit, how this
money can improve our state and the lives
of Alabamians, and let’s take a step and
vote yes on September 9 and improve the
quality of life for everyone who lives in
Alabama.
With this tax plan, families who make
$4,600 a year (the current threshold)
will no longer have to pay income taxes.
Students who have a B average in high
school and receive a 20 on the ACT will
not have to pay for higher education.
Alabama will no longer be in debt, but
instead has a chance to be a thriving state,
maybe even the greatest in the nation.
Bryan Thames, free-lance writer and
Huntsville resident.
SEND YOUR COMMENTS TO
bryan.thames@valleyplanet.com
VOTE YES, VOTE NO, JUST VOTE.
TAX QUOTES
FOR THE PLANET
Monte Sano Art Show
to be held on September 20
opinions@valleyplanet.com
“It’s hard to remember
when less than one
hundred words could so
greatly affect educational
funding in Alabama. Many
voters know education
must improve here (the old
adage — you get what you
pay for?), but most people
do not trust the legislature’s
management of the
additional funds. So, how do
we vote on September 9th?”
Dixie Bray
“Amendment One is the
beginning of fair taxation
for the citizen’s of Alabama.
Although Amendment
One does not address all
taxation problems, it gives
us the opportunity to begin
the process.”
Representative Laura Hall
Alabama House of
Representatives
District 19 – Madison
County
“I have grown to love
Governor Riley, pompadour
and all, and believe that
HE believes his plan is the
best thing for Alabama.
If Governor Riley had
complete control of where
the tax plan’s money would
be spent, more people
would vote yes. But, most of
us just can’t fathom giving a
BILLION dollars to the very
people that got our state in
this mess to begin with!”
Darla Jaye
Radio Talk Show Host
770 WVNN
opinions@valleyplanet.com
Monte Sano will be celebrating the arts
at the 5th annual outdoor Monte Sano Art
Show held atop Monte Sano Mountain on
Saturday, September 20 from 10 a.m. to 5
p.m. More than 80 artists and craftspeople
from the southeast will be exhibiting and
selling their works. Admission is free.
Guests will enjoy the original works of
art as well as live music, food and the
wonderful views of the Tennessee Valley!
In addition to the artists’ booths, there
will be artist demonstrations throughout
the day. Georgine Clarke of the Alabama
Council for the Arts will jury this
invitational show.
Local artist Debra Simpson conceived
the art show. Debra believes the outdoor
beauty of Monte Sano in the fall is a
perfect place to view excellent art. She
remembers one of the first southeastern
outdoor shows called “Plum Nellie”
held on the border of Tennessee and
Georgia near Chattanooga. It became
an annual pilgrimage for art enthusiasts.
Debra wants a tradition to continue here
on Monte Sano. She has sought out key
artists from all over the southeast. Debra
is an oil painter and teaches painting in
her Monte Sano studio. Her works have
been shown internationally and have won
awards at the French-USA competition in
portraiture.
Demonstrating artists will include Danny
Hoskinson of Benton, Tennessee (better
own tiles from found everyday ceramics.
His daughter Emily, a nationally
recognized artist whose works are also
included in the permanent collection of
the Huntsville Museum of Art, will be
exhibiting her new techniques in glass.
Also, Helen Howie will assemble some
of her artistic lamps and lampshades.
Helen is a local artisan living on Monte
Sano who uses mixed media and found
objects to create wonderful lamps. Many
of her lamps are commissioned to include
objects meaningful to the owner.
Daniel Hessler from Gurley, Alabama,
is a stone sculptor. Many of his works
are in jade. His jade knives have been
exhibited all over the southeast. He will
be demonstrating with his foot treadle
stonecutter. Daniel also works in other
precious stones and in wood.
Jack Dempsey, former professor of art
at UAH, will demonstrate an approach
to oil painting that is called “light oils.”
This ancient technique uses oils in a water
color technique such that the light of the
canvas is used as the light in the painting.
Jack often invites attendees to experiment
with him.
Musicians will perform throughout
the day, including among others, the
contradance duo Katrina and Chuck
Weber, as well as Phil Weaver, a local
classical guitarist, and the large percussive
Bill Wilson at last year’s festival
known as “the bucket man”). He will
be demonstrating his technique in direct
application plastic sculpture. Danny’s
plastic welding work has been on display
at the Kentuck Art Show and the Houston
Museum of Art.
Bill Wilson, who is also an internationally
acclaimed writer, will be demonstrating
his mosaic works. The technique he uses
is called “Pique Assiette,” which is a style
of mosaics in which the artist makes his
group Rhythm for the Savage Masses.
New on the scene this year will be Coty
Cockrell, a college-student pianist who
won the Louis Armstrong Jazz Award.
Follow the signs on Monte Sano to enjoy
this wonderful event on September 20.
For information online, visit
www.montesanoartshow.org.
page 15
Business Leaders See
Wet/Dry Issue Great
Opportunity for Athens
Future
T
he legal sale of alcohol has been at
the forefront of debate in Athens and
Limestone County for the past two
decades. After several attempts by the City
and County, they both remain “dry” entities.
However, in June, various business leaders
in the city of Athens formed an organization
they named Citizens for Economic Progress.
The group’s mission is to act as a thought
leadership organization that focuses on local
issues that affect the Athens economy.
T
he organization adopted three initial
projects in its first meeting. The first
of which was promoting a petition for
the people’s right to vote on the legalized sale
of alcohol in Athens and Limestone County.
The petition drive by the organization ended
by receiving the signatures required for
an Athens referendum. On July 29, CFEP
presented petitions to the Athens city clerk to
call for a municipal option on the legalized
sale of alcohol. The group centralized on the
legal sales issue for two reasons, according
to CFEP Executive Director Brandon Byrd.
“When we began looking at our local
economy, we saw the erosion of Athens tax
revenue due to its inability to offer consumers
a demanded product — that being alcoholic
beverages. CFEP understood that in order
for the local economy to move forward, the
alcohol issue had to be addressed,” Byrd
said. The organization has released economic
impact data that shows Athens generating an
additional $1.3 million in new tax revenue
and an overall economic stimulus of $27
million.
The wet/dry issue possesses other dynamics
than economic growth. According to CFEP,
legal sales will offer a regulated environment
that will disable bootleggers from selling to
underage consumers.
CFEP Board Director Lakin Collins had this
to say: “History should teach us a lesson
about prohibition. The 18th Amendment of
national prohibition, which was rescinded
nearly 13 years later, was one of the worst
social and economic periods in U.S. history.
Not only did crime increase at a staggering
rate, but alcohol consumption did as well.”
The organization points to several instances
that prove that history repeats itself.
CFEP Vice Chairman Joe Johnson said:
“When in 2001, Limestone County, which
is dry, leads the state of Alabama in alcohol
related fatalities, something is wrong. It is
clear that prohibiting the sale of alcohol has
an adverse effect on alcohol consumption and
alcohol related crime.”
The wet/dry referendum in Athens will be
held on September 9. CFEP is working to
educate Athens consumers of the issues
involving legalized sales. The organization
wants to communicate that unless the Athens
economy is able to flow in a free manner,
dollars for important services, including
schools and infrastructure, will dwindle. The
group emphasizes that the time has come for
Athens residents to make the right decision
for current and future generations.
Two other projects were adopted by CFEP.
The second project is observing the feasibility
of a metro government for Athens-Limestone
County, and the third proect is formulating
a strategy on informing and educating
consumers on keeping tax dollars local.
email opinions@valleyplanet.com
page 16
Calendar
Hey Guys,
Keep those
CALENDAR
dates rolling
in. If we don’t
get your calendar,
we can’t put it in
the Planet.
MUSIC
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 4
ACOUSTIC CAFÉ at SISTER GOOCH Jim
Parker hosts Songwriters in the Round
featuring Mickey Buckins, Donny Lowery
and Scott Boyer
BENCHWARMER College Night - DJ
HUMPHREY’S Hot Rod Otis. Just a good,
solid rocking band! No rock-star attitudes
here. This is one party band! See you there!
MARTINI’S Live Acoustic Music
OL’ BREWTAHN Robby Hutto
ROCKABILLY’S Jimmy Ganzburg & Larry Lee
6 - 10 pm
SAMMY T’s Venus Model Search with Hogg
Mtn. Lugg Nuts
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Dave
Anderson
THE CORNER Tom Cremeens - Electric Rock
& Alternative
THE CROSSROADS The Snake Doctors
THE SPORTS PAGE 5ive O’clock Charlie
THIRD BASE GRILL Edgar
TIP TOP CAFÉ JackLegg (NO COVER. One of
the best cover bands in the area doing 60’s,
70’s. & 80’s rock)
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 5
BENCHWARMER Elgin Fikes
BOBBY G’s University Damn Skippy
FURNITURE FACTORY The Scratch Band
HARD DOCK CAFE, Decatur Big Daddy
Kingfish
HUMPHREY’S Pla’ Station! You had better
bring an extra pair of dancing shoes with
you because this band is going to funk you
up!
MARTINI’S Live Music - TBA
OL’ BREWTAHN Tom Cremeens
ROCKABILLY’S Jim Cavendar, 6 - 10 pm
SAMMY T’s Southern Girls
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Absylom
Rising
THE CORNER Dave Anderson - Electric &
Acoustic Rock, Alternative & Originals
THE CROSSROADS Old Crow Medicine
Show - a young five-piece rollicking,
punkified old-time acoustic band. They give
old music new life...a foot stomping, hard
driving, stand-up-and-shout-about-it-life.
THE END ZONE T.A., Curtis & Pat
THE SPORTS PAGE XIII
TIP TOP CAFÉ Short Bus & Push (High
energy rock you’ll recognize that makes you
wanna dance)
WESTSIDE CAFÉ Decatur Good Fortune
Ceilidh Band. Irish – Scottish Traditional
Tunes. 8 pm
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 6
BENCHWARMER Black Label - a highenergy, straightforward, rock-n-roll band
BOBBY G’s University Damn Skippy
FURNITURE FACTORY Hot Rod Otis
HARD DOCK CAFE, Decatur The Scratch
Band
HUMPHREY’S Reggae Mystics, This is the
real deal, folks. The Reggae Mystics are one
of the most authentic in all the land. Come
check out their new drummer!
Continued on the next page
page 17
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 7
HUMPHREY’S Jay Wilson & Alan Little:
The Dog & Pony Show. Every Sunday this
month!! The best piano - guitar duo in the
southeastern U.S. If you disagree, please call
me and tell me who is. 256-990-2001
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Ant &
Andrew
THE CORNER Scott Morgan - Great Guitarist
- Plays 60’s Rock to Current Alternative
THE CROSSROADS Movie Night - Film
showing and local live music!
THE SPORTS PAGE Poker Face
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 8
HUMPHREY’S TBA. Probably Lacy Atchison.
Not sure, yet. Maybe Pat Morris. Call and give
us your vote. 990-2001!
Acoustic, Rock, Alternative & Originals
THE CROSSROADS Jim Cavender &
Jonathan Giles host “The Monday Night
Roots Review” Open Mic
THE SPORTS PAGE Jason Albert
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 9
HUMPHREY’S JACKD featuring Johnny
Neel of the Allman Bros. & Gov’t Mule and
Victor Wooten’s drummer, Derico Watson!
Experience JACKD for yourself. You’ll be glad
you did.
ROCKABILLY’S Dave Anderson, 6 - 10 pm
SAMMY T’s Edwin McCain
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Toy Shop
THE CROSSROADS Jay Wilson & Alan Little
THE SPORTS PAGE Donny Cox
TIP TOP CAFÉ Open Mic (Join some of the
area’s best singers/songwriters as they show
their talents) (Singers songwriters wanted)
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 10
BENCHWARMER Crazy-N-Sia
FURNITURE FACTORY Big Daddy Kingfish
Acoustical
HUMPHREY’S Eric Rhodes Band. Super
special treat!! ERB will be here every
Wednesday in September! You’re welcome.
See you there!
MARTINI’S Karaoke
OL’ BREWTAHN Jason Albert
ROCKABILLY’S Tom Cremeens, 6 - 10 pm
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Reese
THE CORNER Andrew Sharpe - Keyboards
and Acoustic Rock and Alternative
THE CROSSROADS The Merman
THE SPORTS PAGE Pla’ Station, Ladies Night
THIRD BASE GRILL 5ive O’clock Charlie
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 12
BENCHWARMER The Land
BOBBY G’s University Haze
HARD DOCK CAFE, Decatur Hot Rod Otis
HUMPHREY’S Andy J. Forest. One of
New Orleans’ finest and most energetic
performers! One Humphrey’s best acts. Do
not miss!!
ROCKABILLY’S Keating Johns, 6 - 10 pm
SAMMY T’s RadioDaze
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Chinese
Dentist
MUSIC
Continued from page 17
JELLO ROOM “G.I.D.”  Long awaited return
of drummer Doug Sylvia (and others) to
the Huntsville music scene.  Come out and
rock to some awesome originals and great
covers!
ROCKABILLY’S Andy Clark & Jimmy G, 6 - 10 pm
SAMMY T’s The Velcro Pygmies
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Lacy & Dave
THE CORNER Lisa Busler - Acoustic, Folk Rock and
Originals
THE CROSSROADS Guy Smiley Blues Exchange
THE SPORTS PAGE Sister Luck
TIP TOP CAFÉ Skeeters (Rockabilly at it’s best,
opens regularly for Willie Nelson on tour)
page 18
Parker hosts Songwriters in the Round
featuring Debi Champion, Tony Lang and
Tom Fedora
FURNITURE FACTORY Steven Mertz
HUMPHREY’S Black Eyed Susan. Finally!!
They’re here!! Don’t miss their Humphrey’s
debut! September just keeps getting better
& better. Read on!
ROCKABILLY’S Ant & Andrew, 6 - 10 pm
SAMMY T’s Venus Model Search with Juice
Anderson
& Alternative
TIP TOP CAFÉ The PB Army (Join one of the
hottest bands on tour out of Ohio for a night
of Alternative Rock)
THE CROSSROADS Vallejo and Universal
Joint
THE SPORTS PAGE Black Label - a highenergy, straightforward, rock-n-roll band
BENCHWARMER Lonesome Moe
BOBBY G’s University Haze
FURNITURE FACTORY Absylom Rising
HARD DOCK CAFE, Decatur Short Bus, 8:
30 - 12:30. A Great Mix of Dance, Funk and
Classic R&B - A Big Yellow Party on Wheels
HUMPHREY’S Microwave Dave & the Nukes.
The atomic electric master, himself!! We’ll see
you here!
JELLO ROOM Band TBA
QUAIL RUN FARM MUSIC FESTIVAL Old
Crow Medicine Show, Snake Doctors and
The Dog & Pony Show. Noon ‘til Sunday camping encouraged
ROCKABILLY’S Max Russell, 6 - 10 pm
SAMMY T’s Venus Mission
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Robby Hutto
THE CORNER Hashbrown - Great Party
Band! Classic Rock - bring your shakers!!
THE CROSSROADS Live Music - TBA
THE SPORTS PAGE Pla’ Station
TIP TOP CAFÉ JackLegg (One of the best
cover bands in the area. 60’s, 70’s, 80’s)
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 14
Check out where Tom Cremeens is playing here
and at www.valleyplanet.com
HUMPHREY’S Jay Wilson & Alan Little: The
Dog & Pony Show. After that last week, we
all need a little breather. There’s no better
way I can think of than to sit back, relax and
groove out with Alan & Jay. Whew!
Andrew
TIP TOP CAFÉ Local Orbit (Local alternative
rock that you don’t need to miss. College
scene favorite)
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 15
HUMPHREY’S Tom Cremeens. Get down
with Tom on some modern tunes and brace
yourself for yet another roller-coaster wildweek of nonstop music at Humphrey’s Bar &
Grill!! Ain’t no stoppin’ this train!
Parker hosts Songwriters in the Round MOVA Judges Performance featuring Casey
Kelly, Chris Gantry and Janet McLaughlin
FURNITURE FACTORY Ben Moorehead
HUMPHREY’S Big Al & The Heavy Weights.
Al’s back with more meat in the soup than
ever!! As seen on Emeril Live! It’s gonna
be one hell of a late night gumbo party.
Guarrronteed, hooo!!
BENCHWARMER Black Eyed Susan
BOBBY G’s University Gryphon
FURNITURE FACTORY PUSH
HARD DOCK CAFE, Decatur Juice
HUMPHREY’S Island Soundzz. The best in
Caribbean music & Reggae will be here to
entertain you into an island dancing frenzy!
Leave your hang-ups at home. This is get
loose, wild & free night at Humphrey’s! See
you on the patio!!
MARTINI’S After Hours - Blues and Southern
Rock Band
ROCKABILLY’S Jim Cavendar, 6 - 10 pm
SAMMY T’s Hairbangers Ball
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Keating
Johns & Oscar Newman
THE CROSSROADS Emma Gibbs
THE HOT SPOT Modern Fossils
THE SPORTS PAGE The Land
TIP TOP CAFÉ TBA
HUMPHREY’S Stout. This ain’t no Memphis
blues band! This band sports the widest
variety and creative stylings of any Memphis
group. Great variety & fun from Memphis,
Tennessee!!
THE SPORTS PAGE Stacey Mitchhart
TIP TOP CAFÉ Open Mic (Come bring your
instrument & voice and join in the fun)
BENCHWARMER Comedy Night with
Jack Kearny & Mo Alexander followed by
music from Crazy-N-Sia
FURNITURE FACTORY Juice Duo
HUMPHREY’S Eric Rhodes Band.They’ve got
skills! Blues with an attitude! See you there!
MARTINI’S Karaoke
ROCKABILLY’S Tom Cremeens, 6 pm.
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Tom
Cremeens
THE CORNER Marjorie Loveday - Keyboard
& Acoustic Rock and Folk
THE CROSSROADS Dave Anderson
I just want to write a little “sumpin sumpin” about the comedy being brought to Huntsville. If you haven’t
been to a Comedy Night at the Benchwarmer yet (there’ve been three in the last two months), you have really
missed out. Butch Cassidy, owner of the Benchwarmer, has brought some huge acts to town. We have seen
Scotty K, Don Trenajel, Wynn Reichert, Darrin Meyer and “Tennessee Tramp,” Janet Williams. All of these
acts have either been on Comedy Central or have worked in major Vegas casinos. I have been to every one of
these shows, and they all have been extremely funny. Tickets are only $10; but if you stop by and have a beer
and tell Butch you heard about Comedy Night in the Planet, hell, he’ll give you half off. So, if you haven’t
been to or heard about Comedy Night at the Benchwarmer, keeping checking the Valley Planet or go to
www.valleyplanet.com and check the calendar. Thanks again, Butch, for bringing some laughs to town.
B.S.
ROCKABILLY’S Ant & Andrew, 6 - 10 pm
SAMMY T’s Venus Model Search with Throck
Martin
Anderson
& Alternative
BENCHWARMER Horse
BOBBY G’s University Gryphon
HARD DOCK CAFE, Decatur Sister Luck
Continued on the next page
page 19
MUSIC
EVENTS
HUMPHREY’S Johnny Neel & The Last Word,
this is quite a star studded show. If you don’t
know who Johnny Neel is, it’s OK. Come out
tonight and hear what he can do. I told you
this train ain’t stopping!
JELLO ROOM Band TBA
MARTINI’S After Hours - Blues and Southern
Rock Band
ROCKABILLY’S Andy Clark & Jimmy G, 6 - 10
pm
SAMMY T’s 17th Floor
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Pat Morris
THE BRICK, Decatur Short Bus, 8:30 pm.
A Great Mix of Dance, Funk and Classic R&B
- A Big Yellow Party on Wheels!
THE CORNER Girl In The Middle - Acoustical
Duo Variety Rock
THE CROSSROADS Chinese Dentists
THE SPORTS PAGE Witchdoctor’s Opera, 9
pm
THE STATION Short Bus, 1pm - Trail of Tears
TIP TOP CAFÉ Remedy (High Energy Classic
Rock & Roll - Leave the kids at home, this
show is more for adults)
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 21
HUMPHREY’S Jay Wilson & Alan Little: The
Dog & Pony Show! Relax and enjoy grooving
out with Alan & Jay. Make sure you catch
your breath, though. Next week is even
wilder!
people who are reading this have a chance
to win toy shop cd’s
and t-shirts and wwe
raw wrestling tickets
at the von braun for
Monday, september 8,
2003. go to:
www.valleyplanet.com
to find out how to
win!
Andrew
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 22
HUMPHREY’S TBA. With all the excitement
going on this month, I forgot to book this
one!! You can help!! I need your help!! The
choices are Tom Cremeens, Lacy Atchison,
Pat Morris or Scott Morgan. Call 256-9902001 to register your vote!
HUMPHREY’S Stout! Here we go! You had better
hang on tight because it’s all down hill from here!!
This is Big Spring Jam week, and have we got one
for you!!
THE CORNER Scott Morgan - Great Guitarist Plays 60’s Rock to Current Alternative
THE SPORTS PAGE Donny Cox
page 20
Through September 24
The Skeeters will be at the Tip Top Café on Sept. 6.
Call it what you will — Alt-Country, Redneck Rock
and Roll, Americana — The Skeeters play good
hard-driving music and are considered the “crown
jewel” of Southern music by their many followers
and fans. In February of 2003, the band had the
honor of touring with the legendary Billy Joe Shaver
in support of his “Freedom’s Child” tour. Read more
about The Skeeters at www.theskeeters.com.
Northeast Alabama Photography Club
Photography Exhibit
Mountain Valley Arts Council Gallery,
Guntersville
Members of the NEAPC participating in the
exhibit are Sherry Abercrombie, Boaz; Rod
Gulling, Boaz; Sandra Gulling, Boaz; Randy
McClendon, Guntersville; Jerry Perkins, Arab;
Sandi Perkins, Arab; Candice Perkins, Arab;
Billy Smith, Crossville; Janice Smith, Crossville;
David Stafford, Joppa; Edna Stafford, Joppa;
Richard Wilthall, Scottsboro, Diane Wilthall,
Scottsboro; Randy Mardis, Boaz; and Kenneth
Beck, Altoona. For more information on this
or other exhibits, contact the Mountain
Valley Arts Council at 256-582-1454 or email
artscouncil@mindspring.com. Information
may also be found on the web at http://
MountainValleyArtsCouncil.org.
BENCHWARMER Crazy-N-Sia
FURNITURE FACTORY Big Daddy Kingfish
Acoustical
HUMPHREY’S Eric Rhodes Band. Come get your
blues with an attitude adjustment! Just leave it to
Eric, Alana & Matt. They’ll get your spine straight.
See you there.
MARTINI’S Karaoke
ROCKABILLY’S Tom Cremeens, 6 pm - 10 pm.
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE Reese
THE CORNER Andrew Sharpe - Keyboards and
Acoustic Rock and Alternative
THE CROSSROADS Japonize Elephants
Kathryn Lansing Vaughn
Huntsville Times Gallery Exhibit
A special selection of art predicated on the
co-existence of the Spiritual with humankind
is on display. The oils, watercolors, ink and
mixed media resonate deeply of a quest
through this life to the next. Vaughn currently
lives in Harvest and is an adjunct professor
of Art at UAH, Calhoun, ASU and Oakwood.
The exhibit can be viewed Monday through
Friday, 8 to 5 at the Huntsville Times Building,
2317 S. Memorial Pkwy. For more information
call 256-532-4000.
Iona Erickson Artist of the Quarter
Arts Council Gallery
Huntsville Art League member Iona Erickson
EVENTS
will exhibit her art work at the Arts Council
Gallery, 700 Monroe Street. The work may be
viewed Mon – Fri, 9 am - 5 pm.
Tessmann Butterfly House
Huntsville Botanical Garden
More than 30 species of North American
butterflies take flight throughout the
summer. Visitors can see every stage of
the life of these quiet creatures from egg,
to caterpillar, to chrysalis, and finally to
beautiful butterfly. Mon – Sat, 9 am - 8 pm;
Sun, 1 - 8 pm. $6 Adults, $5 Senior or Military,
$3 Children ages 3 - 18, Members Free. For
info visit www.hsvbg.org or call 830-4447.
Through October 31
Scarecrow Trail
Good old-fashioned fall fun. Between
70 and 80 fabulous, weird, funny, and
traditional scarecrows lurk along Garden’s
trails, and flower beds. 2002 saw giant ants
and spiders, flying astronauts, and Uncle
Sam. 2003’s Scarecrow Trail will be even
more creative with prizes offered in the
following categories, most original, funniest,
traditional scarecrow, weirdest, most scary,
famous people and judges choice (a catchall category). Other Scarecrow Trail activities
include the creepy 1-acre Sorghum Maze
- for kids of all ages, and hayrides around
the Garden on the weekends. Traditional
music groups will entertain on Sundays, and
delicious candy apples and hot cider will be
available to round out this wonderful old
time festival. www.hsvbg.org 256-830-4447.
Through October 31
Treemendous Treehouses
Local designers have created fanciful and
futuristic treehouses guaranteed to bring out
the child in young and old alike. From a flying
fortress to a flying saucer, these treehouses
are all one-of-a-kind. Mon – Sat, 9 am - 8 pm,
Sun 1 - 8 pm. $6 Adults, $5 Senior or Military,
$3 Children ages 3 - 18, Members Free. For
info visit www.hsvbg.org or call 830-4447.
September 5 – 7
41st Ann Arbor Film Festival (Rated R)
CHAN AUDITORIUM, UAH Campus
The Ann Arbor Film Festival is a celebration
for filmmakers from around the world. This
is the festival that honors artists for their
individual voice. This tour includes about 20
awarded and highlighted short films from
the 2003 festival. Part One: Sept. 5 at 7 pm.
Part Two: Sept. 6 at 7 pm. Part One (repeated):
Sept. 7 at 2 pm. Part Two (repeated): Sept. 7
at 4:30 pm. Co-hosted by The Film Co-op and
The Association for Campus Entertainment.
Admission per part $5; Film Co-op Members
and UAH students $3. www.filmcoop.org
September 6
Art Tasting Fair
HAL instructors will demonstrate their art
and have samples available. Come and
“taste” our wares, then select your personal
artistic menu from the classes offered. Free
Demonstration 10 am to noon.
September 6
Pauli’s Restaurant Blood Drive
American Red Cross Bus at Pauli’s Bar &
Grill, Slaughter Rd. 9 am to 2 pm. For an
appointment, call Sheila Wilburne or Tricia
Rowe at 256-772-2080. All donors receive
certificates for a FREE Chick-Fil-A sandwich.
The first 32 donors will be registered to win
a FREE DINNER for 2 at Pauli’s.
September 6
Wine Tasting
Pauli’s Gourmet Food & Wine Co.
Slaughter Rd. 256-722-0071. 3 to 5 pm. Ask us
to add you to our in-house email list.
September 6
Contra Dance
Live music by Birmingham’s Jim & Joyce
Cauthen with Caller Chrissy Davis Camp.
All ages welcome- singles, couples &
families. 7:00  pm Beginner’s Lesson, 7:3010:30 pm Dance. Admission $7.00/$4.00
students/Free for age 12 & under. In gym
of Faith Presbyterian, corner of Airport Rd.
& Whitesburg Dr. For more info visit http://
secontra.com/NACDS.html or call 837-0656.
September 6-21
Designer Showhouse To Benefit
Huntsville Museum of Art
Showcasing the home of Jim and Tina Caudle,
this historic house is located on Randolph
Avenue and will feature 9 rooms redecorated
by local ASID members. Along with the home
tour, there will be a café and store. Additional
special events will include fashion shows by
“A Good Place To Be” by Marty Davis, oil on canvas
September 13
Guided Tour: “The Farmer/James Collection
of Southern Art (1850-1950)”
Huntsville Museum of Art, 11 am
September 14
Gallery Walk:
“A Stitch in Time: One Family’s Legacy”
The Common Thread: New uses for an Old
Technique
Huntsville Museum of Art, 2 pm
September 15
Community Free Day
Huntsville Museum of Art, 10 am – 5 pm
No admission charged for non-members.
September 15
Quilting Demonstration
Huntsville Museum of Art, 10 am – 2 pm
in conjunction with “A Stitch in Time: One
Family’s Legacy”
The “Friends in Faith” multimedia
art exhibition starts September 10
with a catered reception at Sandridge
Student Union Art Gallery at Athens
State University and will remain on
display until October 10. Exhibitors
include Payge Atwater Semmes, who
shows lively portraits and outdoor
scenes in vibrant oil pastel, Jane
Davis, who demonstrates the results
of conscientious research in caring
and living in a polymer-clay medium,
and Marty Davis, who renders
living moments in oil paint like light
refracting through canvas. Admission
and memories are free. For more info,
call Jane Davis at 256-233-8928.
September 18-20
September 8
September 18-21
September 11
Huntsville Museum of Art, 6 – 8 pm
September 11
Guided Tour:
September 11-14
Oktoberfest 2003 at Redstone Arsenal
German beverages, music, fun and dance.
Games and rides for all ages! Parking, rides
and entertainment included. Open to the
public. Everyone Welcome - Enter at Gate 10.
$2 off at www.redstonemwr.com.
September 12-14
“The Secret Affairs of Mildred Wild”
by Paul Zindel
Presented by Theatre Huntsville, VBC
Playhouse
For ticket information call 256-5360807
or
email
thhsv@hiwaay.net.
www.theatrehsv.org
September 13
Wine Tasting
You could be next!
September 20
Huntsville Symphony Orchestra
Classical Concert #1, VBC Concert Hall 7:30
pm. Featured soloist, Alisa Weillerstein, cello.
Moncayo: Huapango. Dvorak: Cello Concerto.
Rimsky-Korsakov: Sheherazade. For more info,
call 256-539-4818, email hso@hiwaay.net or
visit www.hso.org.
September 20
Wine Tasting
September 20
SteinMart, Talbots and Doncaster, as well as
special dinners and guest lectures on how to
make your home more beautiful. Admission
is $12 per person. Groups of eight or more
who purchase their tickets in advance will
receive a $2 discount per person. For info,
contact Chairman Nancy Van Valkenburgh at
256-539-0505.
WWE Wrestling Presents RAW
Live at the VBC Arena, 6:45 pm
WINNERS!
“Wonder Trivia”memorabilia winner
is Bill Desenburg of Petaluma, CA.
“Blonde or Maybe Not” wins the
VP t-shirt for asking Uncle Flabby!
www.valleyplanet.com
“The Secret Affairs of Mildred Wild”
by Paul Zindel
Presented by Theatre Huntsville
VBC Playhouse
For ticket information call 256-5360807
or
email
thhsv@hiwaay.net.
www.theatrehsv.org
Monte Sano Art Show
Monte Sano Mountain
Arts, Crafts, Food and Music
visit www.montesanoartshow.org
September 20
Contra Dance
Live music by Jingo String Band with
Atlanta Caller Janet Shepherd. All ages
welcome- singles, couples & families. 7:
00 pm Beginner’s Lesson, 7:30-10:30 pm
Dance. Admission $7.00/$4.00 students/
Free for ages 12 & under. In gym of Faith
Presbyterian, corner of Airport Rd. &
Whitesburg Dr. For more info visit http://
secontra.com/NACDS.html or call 837-0656.
September 20
Bonsai Class with Arthur Joura
For info visit www.hsvbg.org or call 256-8304447.
September 21
St. Matthew’s Episcopal on Hughes Road
Good Fortune Ceilidh Band. Irish – Scottish
Traditional Tunes. (morning)
2003 MOVA Arts Festival
Civitan Park, Guntersville, Ala.
Along with an international songwriters’
competition, a visual arts component and
activities for children, the festival also gives
musicians and songwriters a chance to study
under and interact with music professionals
from throughout Alabama and Tennessee
when they attend the MOVA 2003 Musician’s
Conference. For info, contact the Mountain
Valley Arts Council at 256-582-1454 or email
artscouncil@mindspring.com. Information
may also be found on the web at http://MOV
A.MountainValleyArtsCouncil.org.
September 21
Huntsville Museum of Art, 1 – 4 pm
September 19-20
September 26
Registration deadline for “ArtSafari” to
Kentuck Huntsville Museum of Art
Madison Indian Festival
401 Lime Quarry Rd., Exit 8 @ I-565
Sponsored by The American Indian
Museum, Madison Chamber of Commerce,
City of Madison and Rock Divers Inc. Come
and experience the American Indian
lifestyle firsthand. See demonstrations of
crafts and skills such as basket weaving,
pottery making, flint working and
weapons, for example, the bow & arrow,
blowgun, and atl-atl. There will also be
dancing, drumming, story telling and
much more. Contact: Steve Edge, 256-8517241 or 931-425-6131, www.americanindian-museum.com. Madison Chamber
of Commerce, 256-461-0518, www.madis
onalchamber.com. Trail of Tears, 536-3702,
www.al-tn-trailoftears.org.
September 21
Guided Tour:
September 21
“Views of the Collection: Recent Acquisitions”
closes Huntsville Museum of Art
September 26-27
Lincoln County Bluegrass & Crafts Festival
Fayetteville, Tenn. Admission is FREE! Friday
night and all-day Saturday.
September 27
Wine Tasting
Slaughter Rd. 256-722-0071. 3 to 5 pm.
Ask us to add you to our in-house email list.
September 28
“Huntsville Collects” closes
Huntsville Museum of Art
page 21
The 41st Ann Arbor Film Festival at UAH
by Linda A. Haynes
both parts,” explains Anna Sue Courtney,
president of the Film Co-op.
“Closer to Heaven”
“Twirl Girl”
While the Film Co-op instigated this tour
stop, the UAH Association for Campus
Entertainment was more than willing to
jump in as co-sponsor. “We think this is
a great thing to have on campus,” says
Barbara Czura, Film Director of ACE.
“It’s such a well-known film festival and
we feel lucky to be involved this year.”
“Bitter”
“Yes? Oui? Ja?”
All screenings are at Chan Auditorium
on the UAH campus. Chan Auditorium is
in the Administrative Sciences Building,
which is located on Holmes Avenue east
of Sparkman Drive. Plenty of free parking
is available during the screenings.
o, how does a Midwestern film
festival find its way to Huntsville?
Admission for each part is $5; for Film
Co-op members and UAH students, the
cost is $3. For more information go to
www.filmcoop.org.
The Ann Arbor Film Festival, one of
the longest running film competitions in
the US, has a reputation for rewarding
creative voices. Brian DePalma, Andy
Warhol, Lawrence Kasdan and George
Lucas are just a few of the luminaries who
have submitted film works to this festival
since it began in 1963.
SCREENING SCHEDULE:
Friday, September 5, 7 p.m. - Part One
Saturday, September 6, 7 p.m. - Part Two
Sunday, September 7, 2 p.m. - Part One
(repeated)
Sunday, September 7, 4:30 p.m. - Part
Two (repeated)
The festival’s touring program is booked
years in advance by colleges and film
groups from San Francisco to New York
City. And this year, it makes a stop in
Huntsville — thanks to the efforts of
The Film Co-op and the University of
Alabama in Huntsville.
FILMS IN PART ONE:
S
Prepare to be entertained. Almost 20
awarded and highlighted short films from
the 2003 competition will be shown.
Who can resist productions with names
like “Glow in the Dark,” “Twirl Girl”
and “Bear Girl: Dog Boy”? Then there’s
“Nutria,” winner of this year’s funniest
film, where scientists, S.W.A.T. teams,
mascots and chefs share stories about
their experiences with a bizarre swamp
rat that is destroying the wetlands of
Louisiana.
This R-rated program is divided into two
parts with each presented twice over the
September 5-7 weekend. “We’re hoping
this schedule with repeat showings gives
most everyone a chance to catch one or
3.5 minutes, experimental narrative. London,
England. Won Isabella Liddell Art Award. A very
short comic/tragic film about feeling bitter and
miserable and twisted. About feeling that the
world misunderstands you and everyone hates you
(probably with reason), and that time is passing and
leaving you behind.
“Ultima Thule”
10 minutes, experimental animation. Los Angeles,
California. Gravity falls, and land and sky lose their
historical meaning. A small silver plane navigates
an ultramarine storm, flying over barely-glimpsed
hills. It is an unlikely ferry to “ultima Thule” — the
farthest point north, the limit of any journey.
FILMS IN PART TWO:
“Rude Roll”
“Nutria”
10 minutes, experimental. Toronto, Canada.
Received an Honorable Mention. A life in
postcards.
“The Good Son”
9 minutes, documentary. New York, New York.
A pent-up powerhouse of tempered rage, Jimmy
struggles to be his own keeper. Beneath the surface
of this unspoken truce churn age-old questions
about violence, responsibility and the meaning of
being a man.
“Arrete”
3.5 minutes, experimental documentary. Austria. In
the background, the bells of a herd of goats. In the
foreground, geese, and once — possibly a shepherd
— someone who loudly calls “Arretez!” - “Stop!”
3.5 minutes, experimental. Frankfurt, Germany.
The making of the film was overshadowed by the
director’s friend’s death. Instead of “visual easy
listening,” as was intended, it turned out rather
different.
28 minutes, experimental documentary. San
Francisco, California. Won a Tom Berman Award
for Most Promising Filmmaker. The film traces
Robert Hall’s rekindling sense of self and strength
— not just to cope, but to live fully, in spite the
childhood abuse he recounts.
12 minutes, animation. Toronto, Canada. Using the
imagery of our glossy magazine culture, Mother
Nature narrates a fable of human sexual dynamics
within a cut-out animated world of fashion, sports,
nature and pornography.
13.5 minutes, documentary. Austin, Texas. Won
Prix deVarti Award for Funniest Film. The nutria
is an Argentinean swamp rat that is destroying
the wetlands of Louisiana. It is also a cultural
touchstone, as scientists, mascots, SWAT teams and
chefs all respond to this bizarre pest.
4.5 minutes, experimental. Vashon, Washington.
Received an Honorable Mention. A study of
circular motion incorporating hand processing,
xerography, rotoscoping and found footage,
transposing the image of a woman dancing.
“Downpour Resurfacing”
“Bear Girl: Dog Boy”
“Damaged”
page 22
14 minutes, experimental. Brooklyn, New York.
Won Audiovisions Award for Best Sound Design.
Using the weather as a metaphor for the stages of
grief, this film is a goodbye poem and homage to
the filmmaker’s father.
5 minutes, animation. Victoria B.C., Canada. Won
Chris Frayne Award for Best Animated Film. Using
the HOW-TO-DANCE SKA photos on the backs
of three 70s LP jackets, plus stock HOW-TOANIMATE-LIKE-THE-PROS drawings, the film
boogies along to a Lee Perry-King Tubby inspired
dub track.
“In Order Not to Be Here”
33.5 minutes, narrative. Chicago, Illinois. Won
Gus Van Zant Award for Best Experimental Film.
An uncompromising look at the ways privacy,
safety, convenience and surveillance determine
our environment. Shot entirely at night, the
film confronts the hermetic nature of whitecollar communities, dissecting the fear behind
contemporary suburban design.
“The New Patriots”
18 minutes, documentary. New York, New York.
A Congressional Medal of Honor recipient, a
woman West Point graduate, and three other U.S.
military veterans focus on terrorism, patriotism and
government hypocrisy.
“Teatro Roots”
9 minutes, documentary. San Francisco, California.
Won EMPA Worklife Award. A father and son
reflect on the origins of the family business — an
acclaimed Latino theater company known as El
Teatro Campesino (the farm-workers’ theater).
“Sand”
12 minutes, animation. Regina Saskatchewan,
Canada. Won a Tom Berman Award for Most
Promising Filmmaker. Characters reflect on their
past during a quiet night in an urban environment.
Uses the hybrid technique of sand animation and
computer manipulation to deal with the subject of
memory.
“Glow in the Dark (January-June)”
6.5 minutes, experimental. Chicago, Illinois.
Received an Honorable Mention.
Radiators clang while spheres and cypridina
phosphoresce. A rubber ball held up to light
becomes a snowy crystal. Home science
experiments and other attempts to see with the
camera in the dark.
“U”
4 minutes, experimental. Zurich, Switzerland. Facts
on farts, an introduction to the fine art of fart. Starts
and departs with a fart. With great music from rears
to ears.
The Deep End
Convergence
in Art
The Depiction of Emotion
by Cherié Lamb
Who Am I?
By Justin Segura
As I crawl out of bed,
I land on my head,
And then I go back to sleep.
I know no more.
When I finally come around,
My head begins to pound.
All the faces that I see
Make no sense to me.
I’m starting to get sick.
My stomach feels real thick.
As a phone starts to ring.
I see a bird take wing.
Käthe Kollwitz (1867 – 1945) Revolt (Outbreak), 1927 (first printed 1902)etching and aquatint, 19.75 x 23
in. Donated to Huntsville Museum of Art by Dr. John C. & Mary Ann McMillan
R
ecently donated and presently on
display at the Huntsville Museum of Art
is a masterful work by world renowned
artist Käthe Kollwitz. This piece, entitled
“Outbreak,” is one of six prints (the series
is called “Peasant’s War”) that depict scenes
of and captures the emotion of the peasant
rebellion of the sixteenth century in Germany.
Kollwitz’s body of work typically involves
the expression of oppression, the plight of the
downtrodden and the emotion surrounding
death and destruction. Kollwitz, a socialist,
lived through two World Wars in Germany
and had firsthand experience with the death,
destruction, sadness and oppression associated
with surviving in a war-torn society. She was a
master at capturing raw emotion in her works
and purposely exhibited most of her work in
print in order for her images (her philosophy)
to be more affordable for purchase, therefore,
reaching a larger audience.
John Kennedy stated in a speech once, “Those
who make peaceful revolution impossible
will make violent revolution inevitable.” The
German peasant revolt is indicative of this
statement. Inspired by the teachings and words
of Martin Luther and the ever more degrading
living conditions and crop failures, the
peasants rallied together in hopes of freedom.
Even with the ironic discovery that Luther
did not support their rebellion, they could no
longer accept the conditions of their lives and
stood together to overthrow their oppressors. It
is thought that seventy-five thousand peasants
were killed in 1525 alone.
In “Outbreak,” we not only have a visual
representation of the peasants’ rebellion,
but we are given an understanding into their
mental state. The contrast of light and dark
symbolizes the struggle between good and
evil, the oppression and hope. The leader is
Black Anna; her placement in the foreground
intensifies her power and the inspiration she
gives to the others. As she raises her arms,
she also raises their hopes — you can almost
hear her scream. Kollwitz gives the peasants
to Anna’s right a hunched over, almost animal
look, capturing their beaten-down spirit and
their less-than-human existence. One peasant
stares at Black Anna, appearing to absorb
strength (enlightenment) from her power. As
the peasants storm past Anna, they appear
more human and glow with youthful innocence
as if to indicate hope for the future.
It is a story repeated all throughout our history
and most recently with 9/11. When we are
beaten down, are witness to such atrocity, and
are faced with the reality that we have nothing
left to loose, humanity bands together to
pursue truth and justice, an act for the greater
good.
clamb@valleyplanet.com
We’ve had lots of comments about The Deep
End. We’ve had several
people say they would
send us something. But
very, very few have followed through. Please
send us your stuff.
Send poems, art, prose,
thoughts, philosophical
ramblings, anything, to
deepend
@valleyplanet.com.
I still can’t remember
Whether it’s December,
Or whether I’m Joe or Bob.
My head is all a throb.
But there’s one thing I know,
It all just goes to show.
It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or a bum,
As long as you know …
HEY! Where’d those penguins come from?
Justin is a 9th grader from Hazel Green
High School.
photo from Maple-Hill Cemetary by the multitalented Cherie Lamb
DELIVERANCE
By Cherié Lamb
Deliverance of the moment
Too unreal to understand
Searching for the answer
But infinity has reached its end
My lingering body floats above the line
Then crashes as I breathe
My eyes open as I struggle to be
And now I know what was forgotten
Actions of a lifetime
Are sometimes a contradiction to the soul
They are only an expression
Of my uncertainty relinquished
A knowing accomplice to my own demise
At least that is what the innocent always say
page 23
LISTINGS
DINING
801 FRANKLIN
801 Franklin Street (Downtown by Medical
Center), 256-519-8019. Lunch: M-F 11-2, Dinner:
M-W 5-10 pm & Th-Sa 5 pm-1 am. Lounge
opens 4 pm M-F. Full Bar & Extensive Wine List.
www.801franklin.com.
APPLEBEE’S (3 locations)
3028 Memorial Pkwy SW, 256-881-8111,
3150 Memorial Pkwy NW, 256-859-4200 and
302 Hughes Rd, Madison, 256-772-3441.
BEAUREGARD’S (3 locations)
1851 University Dr. , 256-512-0074,
511 Jordan Lane, 256-837-2433 and
975 Airport Rd. SW, 256-880-2131.
BENNIGANS
1009 Memorial Pkwy, 256-534-6141.
BUFFALO’S CAFE
8020 Hwy. 20, Madison. 256-772-4477.
CAHOOTS
114 West Market Street, Fayetteville, TN.
931-433-1173. Dine in old jail cells.
CATTLEMAN’S STEAK HOUSE
520 Main Avenue S, Fayetteville, TN.
931-433-8834. Great Steaks & Seafood.
Full service bar.
page 24
CHILI’S (2 locations)
4925 University Dr., 256-722-9620 and
2740 Carl T. Jones, 256-882-1230.
COPELAND’S OF NEW ORLEANS
2004 Airport Road SW, 256-650-3131.
M-Th 5 – 10 pm, F-Sat 5 – 11 pm, Sun 11 am
– 2 pm. Full Bar & Extensive Wine Selection.
www.washingtonsq.com/chophouse.htm
SISTER GOOCH CAFÉ, BAKERY, AND MARKET
382 Slaughter Road, Madison, 256-971-5200.
Thursday nights: Live music at Acoustic Café.
TGI FRIDAY’S
4935 University Drive NW, 256-830-2793.
www.tgifridays.com.
FOGCUTTER RESTAURANT & LOUNGE
WEST END GRILL
6610 Old Madison Pike, 256-722-8040. Steaks,
chicken and seafood.
FURNITURE FACTORY BAR & GRILL
619 Meridian Street N (just north of Downtown),
256-539-8001. Live music on the patio. SEE
CALENDAR for details.
WILD FLOUR BISTRO
600 Jordan Lane NW (shopping center, corner of
Holmes and Jordan). 256-536-0939.
HUMPHREY’S BAR & GRILL
109 Washington Street (Downtown, corner of
Washington and Clinton), 256-704-5555. 11 am
– 2 am everyday. Live music on the patio – SEE
CALENDAR for complete listing.
JAZZ FACTORY
109 North Side Square (Downtown on the
Square), 256-539-1919. Live Music, Full Bar &
Extensive Wine List.
LE BISTRO DU SOLEI
300 Franklin Street (Downtown on the Square),
256-539-7777.
BREAKFAST
COFFEE & LUNCH
ATLANTA BREAD COMPANY
6275 University Dr, 256-922-2253.
COTTON ROW MARKET
109 Washington Street (Downtown, corner of
Washington & Clinton), 256-704-5555. (breakfast &
lunch). www.washingtonsq.com/cottonrow.htm
DISH
117 North Main Ave, Fayetteville, TN.
931-433-7096. Tues-Sat 11 am - 2 pm.
PAULI’S BAR & GRILL
7143-C Hwy 72 W (corner of Slaughter Rd. & Hwy
72), 256-722-2080. Full Bar & Extensive Wine List.
Reservations Suggested.
EUNICE’S COUNTRY KITCHEN
1006 Andrew Jackson Way NE (Five Points), 256534-9550
PAULI’S CHOPHOUSE
109 Washington Street (Downtown, corner
of Clinton and Washington), 256-704-5555.
JAMO’S CAFÉ
413 Jordan Lane NW, 256-837-7880.
Mediterranean Fare, Sandwiches & Specialty
Coffees. Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner.
THE WILD ROSE CAFE’
121 North Side Square, 256-539-3658.
SEATTLE SOUTH
2113 Whitesburg Drive S (Whitesburg Medical
District), 256-534-0513.
THE OLDE TOWNE COFFEE SHOP
511 Pratt Ave NE, 256-539-5399.
CAJUN
PO BOY FACTORY
815 Andrew Jackson Way (in Five Points) 256-5393616.
TIM’S CAJUN KITCHEN
114 Jordan Lane, 256-533-7589.
GREEK
PAPOU’S
110 South Side Square, 256-534-5553.
DELI &
PIZZA
BELLACINO’S PIZZA & GRINDERS
4851 Whitesburg Dr, 256-880-8656 and
8572 Madison Blvd, Madison, 256-774-1918.
BIG ED’S PIZZERIA
721 Clinton Avenue, 256-536-2872.
McALISTER’S DELI (2 locations)
4800 Whitesburg Drive S, 256-880-1557 and
1480 Perimeter Pkwy, 256-425-0034. Appetizers,
Salads, Sandwiches, Spuds & Desserts. Kid’s Menu.
SCHLOTZSKY’S DELI (5 locations)
2835 Memorial Pkwy NW, 256-852-4088,
4319 University Drive NW, 256-830-6400,
3417 Memorial Pkwy SW, 256-881-3354,
8969 Hwy. 20, Madison, 256-464-5300 and
11120 Memorial Pkwy SW, 256-650-6300.
STANLIEO’S SUB VILLA (2 locations)
605 Jordan Lane, 256-837-7220 and
602 Governors Drive, 256-536-6585.
TERRY’S PIZZA (3 locations)
9034 Memorial Pkwy S, 256-881-5987,
3612 Governors Dr, 256-536-3389 and
2514 Memorial Pkwy N, 256-539-3467.
ZAXBY’S
1025 Memorial Pkwy NW, 256-551-0122 and
100 Ivory Pl, Madison, 256-461-0026.
MEXICAN &
SOUTHWESTERN
BANDITO BURRITO
3017 Governors Dr SW, 256-534-0866.
EL MARIACHI (3 locations)
14450 Hwy 231-431 N (Hazel Green), 256-8281466; 1836 Winchester Road, 256-851-7255;
7193 Hwy 72 W(Madison), 256-890-0900.
EL PALACI
2008 Memorial Pkwy SW, 256-539-6075.
QDOBA MEXICAN GRILL
4800 Whitesburg Dr., 256-489-1367
GREEN HILLS GRILLE
5100 Sanderson Street NW (corner of Wynn and
University), 256-837-8282.
LA ALAMEDA MEXICAN RESTAURANT
LITTLE ROSIE’S TAQUERIA
4781 Whitesburg Dr S, 256-882-0014.
ROSIE’S MEXICAN CANTINA (2 locations)
6125 University Drive, 256-922-1001 and 7540 S.
Memorial Pkwy, 256-382-3232.
Mon–Sat. Lunch & Dinner.
Dart Tourneys (plastic & steel), Thursdays College
Night w/DJ. Open 7 days 10 am to 2 am. Dinner
nightly.
www.benchwarmersportsbar.com.
TIA’S TEX-MEX
2003 Drake Avenue SW, 256-881-6868.
BILLIARD STREET CAFE’
2703 University Drive, 256-534-6000.
ITALIAN
LUCIANO
964 Airport Road SW, 256-885-0505.
ROMANO’S MACARONI GRILL
VILLA FIORE
11505 S. Memorial Pkwy, 256-881-7746.
JAPANESE
BOBBY G’S PLACE (2 locations)
1009 Henderson Road, 256-837-4728 and 4070
Memorial Pkwy S, 256-880-2590. Steaks, seafood,
chicken and wings.
Live music & Karaoke.
BROILER STEAK & SEAFOOD
7908 Memorial Parkway S, 256-880-2525. Friday &
Saturday night Karaoke.
CHIPS & SALSA CANTINA
10300 Bailey Cove Rd SE 256-880-1202.
Full Mexican menu, dart tournaments.
CLUB MIRAGE
4701 Meridian Street, 256-851-2920. Chicken,
steak, pasta and seafood.
THE CORNER GRILL & PUB
10300 Bailey Cove Road SE, 256-880-2103.
Burgers, steaks & sandwiches. Great food, live
entertainment nightly. Great neighborhood
atmosphere.
THE CROSSROADS
721 Clinton Ave, 256-533-3393.
Live Music 7 nights a week
75 cent drinks Sunday-Thursday
THE END ZONE
1909 University Drive, 256-536-2234. Sandwiches,
steaks, and ribs. 22 TVs, 8 Satellites, and live music
Friday & Saturday nights. Lunch & Dinner every
day.
CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE...
EDO JAPANESE RESTAURANT
104 N. Intercom Drive, Madison
256-772-0360.
MIKATO JAPANESE STEAK HOUSE & LOUNGE
4061 Independence Dr. NW (one block N. of
University on Jordan Ln.), 256-830-1700.
MIKAWA RESTAURANT
1010 Heathland Dr, 256-837-7440.
Authentic Japanese Restaurant.
SHO GUN JAPANESE STEAK & SUSHI BAR
Hibachi Tables & Sushi Bar.
THAI
SURIN OF THAILAND
975 Airport Rd SW, 256-213-9866.
THAI GARDEN RESTAURANT
800 Wellman Ave. NE, 256-534-0122.
CHINESE
Huntsville’s
Premier
Dining
Experience
DING HOW II
4800 Whitesburg Dr., 256-880-8883.
JADE PALACE
JOY LUCK RESTAURANT
3782 University Dr NW, 256-536-7100.
GERMAN
BIERGARTEN CAFÉ
3810 Wall Triana Hwy, Madison
256-772-0511.
OL HEIDELBERG CAFÉ
6125 University Drive NW E14 (shopping center
next to Rosie’s), 256-992-0556.
PUBS
& CLUBS
Contemporary
American Cuisine
Casual Atmosphere
Award Winning
Wine List
721
721 Clinton Avenue, 256-534-0721.
ALLEN’S GRILLE & GROG
9076 Madison Blvd, Madison, 256-772-8514.
Madison’s Best Kept Secret. Express lunch menu,
Mon - Fri, 11am - 2pm. Extended Happy Hour: M-F,
3 - 8 pm; Sat-Sun, noon - 8pm. Free hors d’oeuvres
M-F 4:30 - 6:30pm. Saturday: Ladies’ Night. Free
Pool and NASCAR race specials on Sundays. Best
wings, burgers and home-cooking around!
BENCHWARMER FOOD & SPIRITS
Lunch buffet, steaks, sandwiches. Live music, 12 ft.
TV screen, 7 big screens, 22 TVs. NASCAR Sundays,
Classic Southern
Hospitality
Catering & Banquet
Facilities Available
801 Franklin Street
HUNTSVILLE, AL
256.519.8019
www.801franklin.com
Lunch
Monday-Friday
Dinner
Monday-Saturday
page 25
MARTINI’S OF MADISON
Ramada Inn, 8716 Madison Blvd, Madison 256772-0701. Drink Specials 4 pm to 7 pm. Great
Food, Live Music.
MOLLIE TEAL’S
99 Jefferson Street, 256-512-5858.
Live entertainment.
OL’ BREWTAHN TAVERN
2704 Johnson Road, 256-880-3714. Live
entertainment Wed–Fri. Volleyball tournament
every Saturday at 2 pm.
Sunday is race day - 25 cent wings.
OTTER’S
Marriott Hotel, 5 Tranquility Base.
256-830-2222.
PEANUT FACTORY BAR & GRILL
903 Memorial Pkwy NW, 256-534-7092. Burgers,
sandwiches and steaks.
3RD BASE GRILL
7904 Memorial Pkwy S, 256882-9500. Great Food for Lunch
and Dinner. Mondays $0.25
Wings, Tuesday Trivia, Live Music
on Wednesday & Thursday.
Open Mic on Sunday w/Dart
Tournaments. Open 11 pm – 2
am, Mon–Sat, open at noon on
Sundays.
RUGGBY’S
Deli sandwiches.
SAMMY T’S MUSIC HALL
116 Washington Street, 256-539-9974.
Best Live Music in Huntsville Thu – Sat. Open
6 pm – 2 am. Now open on Wednesdays.
www.sammytsplace.com
THE SHACK
105 Swancott Road, Triana 256-461-0227. The bar
that never closes! Live music Friday & Saturday.
PUBS
& CLUBS
FINNEGAN’S PUB
3310 Memorial Pkwy S, 256-881-9732.
HOG WILD SALOON
2407 Memorial Pkwy, 256-533-7446.
HOOTER’S
4730 University Drive, 256-722-0166. Seafood and
sandwiches.
SPORTS PAGE LOUNGE & DELI
9009 Memorial Pkwy S, 256-880-9471. Plate
lunches, deli sandwiches. Live entertainment Mon
– Thu. Sunday is open Mic night. Thu, Sat & Sun
pool and dart tournaments.
THE STATION
8694 Madison Blvd., 256-325-1333. Live
entertainment nightly. Lunch specials weekly.
Happy Hour 3 – 8 pm.
Open 7 days a week 11 am – 2 am.
TAVERN UNDER THE SQUARE
110 South Side Square, 256-534-3033. Open
Mon–Fri 3:30 pm – 2 am, Saturday & Sunday 5 pm
– 2 am. Live music Tue–Sun.
HUMPHREY’S BAR & GRILL
109 Washington Square, 256-704-5555. Beef,
seafood, sandwiches. Come for the food – Stay
for the Fun. Best Patio in Huntsville. Happy Hour
every day 11 am – 6 pm. Live music every night,
no cover. Open 11 am – 2 am everyday.
TENNESSEE VALLEY VIPERS
Arena Football 2. American
Conference Southern Division
Champs. 700 Monroe St, VBC, 256551-3240. www.vipersaf2.com.
TIP TOP CAFÉ
123 1/2 Maple Street, 256-5331527. Where the Past meets
the Future. Great Bands. Live
entertainment every night.
www.tiptopcafe.net
Jennifer at 3rd Base
photo by Suwarow
TUNES ULTIMATE KARAOKE BAR
ZESTO PUB & GRILL
720 Pratt Avenue, 256-489-9378.
Corn dogs, prime rib.
GALLERIES
ARTISTIC IMAGES
2115 Whitesburg Drive, 256-534-3968.
www.artisticimagesgallery.com
HUNTSVILLE ART LEAGUE GALLERY
721 Clinton Avenue, 256-534-3860.
www.huntsvilleartleague.org.
HUNTSVILLE BALLET CO.
800 Regal Drive SW, 256-539-0961.
HUNTSVILLE MUSEUM OF ART
300 Church Street S (In Big Spring Park), 256-5354350 or 800-786-9095, Hours: Mon – Sat: 10 am
– 5 pm; Th: 10 am – 8 pm; Sun 1 – 5 pm, Adults $8;
Children under 12 are free; Children, Sr., Students
w/ID $7; Th: 5 – 8 pm $4, www.hsvmuseum.org.
MERIDIAN ARTS (2 locations)
305-A Jefferson Street, 256-534-7475.
M-F: 10 am – 6 pm, Sat: 10 am – 4pm; and
370 Little Cove Road, Gurley, AL, 256-7764300. Tu-F: 10 am – 6 pm, Sat: 10 am – 4 pm.
www.Meridianarts.net.
SIGNATURE GALLERY
2364 Whitesburg Drive S, 256-536-1960.
WHITNEY DAVIDSON GALLERY
501 Church Street NW, 256-539-0063.
JELLO ROOM
4210 Oakwood Avenue, 256-837-0813. Huntsville’s
Hard Rock Shooter Bar, featuring an all female
staff, digital hard rock jukebox, 9 pool tables,
steel-tip dart boards, TVs, foosball and live
music. Extensive liquor selection, more than 80
beer selections, unique shooter menu, and of
course, jello shots. Open Tues - Fri, 5 pm to 2 am,
and Sat 7 pm to 2 am. MILITARY NIGHT OUT
WEDNESDAYS
ATTRACTIONS
AMERICAN INDIAN MUSEUM
2003 Poole Drive NW, 256-852-4524.
www.american-indian-museum.com
BURRITT ON THE MOUNTAIN: A LIVING
MUSEUM
3101 Burritt Drive SE, 256-536-2882.
KAFFEEKLATCH BAR
103 Jefferson Street, 256-536-7993.
page 26
HUNTSVILLE SYMPHONY
ORCHESTRA
North Side Von Braun Center,
256-539-4818.
801 FRANKLIN
801 Franklin Street (Downtown by Medical
Center), 256-519-8019. Dine with fine art.
www.801franklin.com.
JEMISON’S EATERY & PUB
350-A Market St. NE, Decatur, 256-351-0300. Open
from 10:30 am Mon-Sat.
KEEPERS SPORTS BAR
S. Memorial Parkway at Byrd Spring Rd. (in Rosie’s
restaurant shopping center).
256-882-6111. Come see the usual sports events
on TV. Ladies Night every Thursday.
HUNTSVILLE STARS
AA Affiliate of the Milwaukee
Brewers
Joe Davis Stadium, 3125 Leeman
Ferry Rd. SW, 256-882-2562.
www.huntsvillestars.com.
THE THIRSTY TURTLE TAVERN
& GRILL
4800 Whitesburg Drive, 256-8815079. Deli sandwiches, burgers,
salads. Great food, atmosphere
and daily drink specials.
PLANET VINYL
115 Clinton Avenue, 256-533-9071.
Great Dance Party every Saturday night.
ROCKABILLY’S SMOKEHOUSE GRILL
255 Pratt Avenue, 256-489-1831.
Chicken & burgers. Live music.
HUNTSVILLE BOTANICAL
GARDEN
4747 Bob Wallace Avenue, 256830-4447. www.hsvbg.org.
EARLYWORKS MUSEUM COMPLEX
404 Madison Street SE, 256-564-8100.
Rhonda at her Jello Room, photo by a planeteer
unknown.
HARRISON BROTHERS HARDWARE
124 Southside Square, 256-536-3631.
US SPACE & ROCKET CENTER
1 Tranquility Base, 256-837-3400.
Open 9-5 year round except for
Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and
Day, and New Year’s Eve and Day. Admissions:
Museum only – Adults $12 & Child 3-12 $8,
IMAX only – Adults $7.50 & Child 3-12 $6.50,
Combined – Adults $16.95 & Child 3-12 $11.95.
www.spacecamp.com.
THE WEEDEN HOUSE
300 Gates Avenue SE, 256-536-7718.
THEATER/
STAGE
FANTASY PLAYHOUSE CHILDREN’S THEATRE
3312 Long Avenue SW, 256-539-6829.
RENAISSANCE THEATRE AT LINCOLN CENTER
1214 Meridian Street N, 256-536-3434.
THEATRE HUNTSVILLE
Business Office. 1701 University Dr, Suite 1, 256536-0807. www.theatrehsv.org.
MOVIE THEATERS
CARMIKE CINEMAS
1359 Old Monrovia Road, 256-430-0770.
www.carmike.com.
RETAIL
& SERVICES
BARNES & NOBLE BOOKSELLERS
5850 University Dr, 256-864-2090 and
2750 Carl T Jones SE, 256-885-0501.
THE BIG TEASE Hair and Tanning Salons
11203 Memorial Pkwy. SW, 256-882-7419 &
401 #1 Hughes Rd, Madison, 256-464-5321.
CALLIE ALLIE’S
131 Old Hwy 431, Hampton Cove, 256-536-7467.
Home Design, Accessories & Gifts.
JULIA CARTER
Licensed Massage Therapist. By appointment.
256-536-2164.
DISCOUNT JEWELRY & REPAIR
11203 Memorial Pkwy SW, 256-882-7409.
ENLIGHTENMENT BRIDGE
SPIRITUAL BOOKS & GIFTS
804 Wellman Ave (in Five Points)
256-533-9506. A metaphysical bookstore.
THE FRET SHOP
309 Jordan Lane, 256-430-4729. Guitar, Banjo,
Mandolin, Sales, Instruction and Repair.
www.thefretshop.com.
Garden of Eatin’
by Jennifer H. Daniel
Eden’s East
latest endeavor, Eden’s East,
located at 2413-B Jordan
Lane.
Recently
opened,
this vegetarian restaurant
offers items free of refined
sugars, eggs, dairy and meat
products.
Unearthing upright vegetarian
cuisine in Huntsville is like
tracking down a great glass of
sweet iced tea in New York
City. There aren’t going to be
countless options offered and
the alternatives will only be
middling for the most part.
Okay, okay — there are the
exceptions to this rule in our
town. Creating your favorite
vegan dinner with organic
groceries from Garden Cove,
grabbing some hummus from
Jamo’s or picking up homemade
baked items and Reed’s Ginger
Brew from Pearly Gates are
more than acceptable options
for those brave locals who
photo of Garden Cove Produce by Cherie Lamb
choose to eat a little more
opened-mindedly than me.
At first I thought, what a plight … to
(What can I say? My mom makes the
choose to eat no meat or dairy in an
best double-dipped fried chicken in the
area where Gibson’s Barbecue and Blue
world.)
Bell Ice Cream reign supreme among
obsessive thoughts on a hot, lazy August
Oh, there are the mundane, standard
afternoon in Alabama. However, I am
selections for our vegetarian friends
happy to announce a new addition to the
like the salad bar at Ruby Tuesday’s,
list of vegetarian-friendly establishments
the veggie sandwich at Barnes and
in Huntsville.
Nobles or the bean and rice burrito at
one of our many fine Mexican restaurant
Owner Ron Jackson brings a breath of
establishments, but these server inspired
fresh air to the meatless crowd with his
suggestions are bologna (pun intended).
Employee and vegetarian
aficionado John St. Rose
recommends the Grecian
Wrap. “It comes with vegan
turkey with a soy-cheese base
and special sauce, and then
it’s grilled,” St. Rose said.
“It’s my favorite.”
There’s also a salad bar,
more sandwich selections
and burgers — a refreshing
alternative to the black bean
burger offered at Applebee’s.
Daily lunch and dinner specials include a
meatless choice and three vegetables with
cornbread or garlic bread for $5.49. For
now, Eden’s East is closed on Saturday
and Sunday. However, the restaurant
plans to open on Sundays in the future.
Jennifer Daniel is currently living the good life
with her husband and two dogs, Mars and Paolo.
jennifer.daniel@valleyplanet.com
2413-B Jordan Lane, 256-721-9491
Hours: Monday – Thursday, 11 a.m. to 6 p.m.;
Friday, 11 a.m. to 3 p.m.
For some other alternatives in vegetarian
fare and groceries, try these tried-and-true
establishments and tell them you read
about them in the Planet:
Pearly Gates Natural Foods
2308 Memorial Parkway SW, 256-534-6233
Hours: Monday – Saturday, 10 a.m. to 6:30 p.m.
Closed Sunday.
Natural food store. Organic foods. Has soups
and great muffins. A local favorite that has
been in town for more than 10 years.
Jamo’s Juice & Java and More
413 Jordan Lane, 205-837-7880
Hours: Monday – Saturday, 7 a.m. to 10 p.m.
Closed Sunday.
Middle Eastern restaurant and juice bar. Not
purely vegetarian. For the meat eater, great
chicken kabobs and Middle Eastern/Greek
fare. Many vegetarian sides and entrées.
Garden Cove Produce Center
628 Meridian Street N, 256-534-2683
Email: Sales@GardenCoveProduce.com
Web site: http://www.gardencoveproduce.c
om/
Hours: Monday & Tuesday, 10 a.m. to 7 p.m.
Wednesday, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Thursday, 9 a.m.
to 7 p.m. Friday, 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Sunday, noon
to 5 p.m. Closed Saturday.
Natural food store. A good juice bar and
great website. Online orders are accepted
for local and out-of-town convenience. They
ship anywhere! Organic produce and bulk
food with groceries, frozen foods and fresh
vegetables. The one-stop shop for vegetarian
groceries in Huntsville.
GARDEN COVE PRODUCE CENTER
628 Meridian St., 256-534-2683 or
888-615-8657. Fresh produce delivered every
week, year round.
www.gardencoveproduce.com.
GIGAPARTS
4925 University Dr, 256-535-4442. Computer Sales
& Service. www.gigaparts.com.
MAC RESOURCE
1570 The Boardwalk, 256-721-1700.
Apple Computer Specialist.
www.macresource-al.com.
NEW HORIZONS COMPUTER
LEARNING CENTER
620 Discovery Dr, 256-722-0211.
www.newhorizons.com.
PATTY’S HEARSE
A Formal Party Coach for Hire. 256-457-6278.
email pattyshearse@aol.com.
SHAVER’S BOOK STORE
2362 Whitesburg Dr, 256-536-1604.
SOUTHERLAND’S PHOTO
2357 Whitesburg Dr., 256-539-9627. Black & White
Photo Lab Services. Digital Photo Restoration.
STRINGS ‘N’ BRASS
409 Pratt Ave (across from Sonic)
256-533-9088. www.stringsnbrass.com.
WEST STATION ANTIQUES
112 Main Street, Madison, 256-772-0373.
565 to Exit 8 - Exit North to Main Street. Hours:
Mon-Sat 10-5, Sun 1-5 p.m.
Thanks Johnny, Tina and everyone for a great Saturday at Rockabilly’s, photos by Suwarow
Johnny Giles at the Tavern
page 27
make your customers happy. advertise with the valley planet.
page 28
’s
O
H
C
R
A
N
A
DR
Beads,
Bathrooms
and Black
Batons
Rx for Old Stuff That Don’t Suck
by Jeremy L. Anderson
And on Sept. 18, 1970,
God stuck His fingers in
His ears and said, “Hey,
Gabriel, knock it off with
the damned horn already.
By the time you read this, I will have turned
30. As everyone always seems to stress over
this particular birthday, I decided to make a
concerted effort to focus on something else.
I started thinking of all the experiences in my
life that I could have avoided had someone
warned me of them in advance. As a public
service, I’m going to clue you men in on a
few of those things so you can all steer clear of
the mistakes that I have made. Pay attention,
because I’m dropping pearls of wisdom here.
I’m ready to hear a little guitar.”
He’d been threatening to stick
Gabriel’s trumpet under the wheel of
a golden chariot for eons, and even God
can only take so much harp plucking.
And Lo — not JLo — when God came
down and visited His little talking
primate experiment, He was pleased
with their musical evolution. When the
Big Kahuna heard Jimi Hendrix play his
flaming ax, He decided He wanted an
order of that to go and took Jimi with
Him.
God knew that, come October, Janis
Joplin would trade her Kozmic blues
for two cases of Southern Comfort
and a case of Kozmic dead. She’d need
a guitar player. The little all-star dead
band God was building would soon
spell trouble for Led Zeppelin drummer
John Bonham and Who bassist John
Entwhistle. Sometimes you can be just
too damned good at something to be
allowed to remain on earth and do it.
God knows this issue’s Rx is Jimi Hendrix
— Are You Experienced?
In 1967, Jimi Hendrix hit the rock music
world with a sonic boom. If James Brown
is “The Godfather of Soul,” Hendrix is the
“Father of Psychedelia.” No one before
or since has been able to coax, persuade,
force and demand as much from an
electric guitar as Jimi Hendrix. The music
world was stunned. Not only was Hendrix
a world class guitarist — some say the
best that ever lived — he was a master
showman and experimented with
amplification. He developed a feedback
technique that made interplanetary
travel seem possible.
Hendrix had to travel to England and
back to become a star in America. In
the mid 60s, he was a backup guitarist
for a number of R&B acts, including
Little Richard, King Curtis, and The Isley
Brothers. His talent and showmanship
made him a show-stealer, and the lead
guitarists and stars themselves felt
inferior — and with good reason — so
he was handcuffed as a soloist.
In England, Hendrix was teamed with
bassist Noel Redding and drummer
Mitch Mitchel, and The Jimi Hendrix
1. There are certain places you should not
www.jimi-hendrix.com
ARE YOU EXPERIENCED, the jimi hendrix experience. MCA Records. Originally released August
23, 1967. Available on CD.
Experience was born. Hendrix was a
master singer and songwriter, who
incorporated blues, rock, R&B, soul and
everything else into his style. “The Wind
Cries Mary,” “Hey Joe” and “Purple Haze”
were hits in the UK before America heard
of them. Not until the 1967 Monterey
Pop Festival did America catch on to
Jimi Hendrix. He played guitar behind
his back, with his teeth, and even played
a guitar doused in lighter fluid and set
aflame.
“Purple Haze” had one of the great
misunderstood lyrics of all time: “’scuse
me, while I kiss the sky” was misheard
by many as “while I kiss this guy.” The
first time one of Anarcho’s not-so-bright
friends heard it, he was loving it until
that line came along. Then he said, “Kiss
this guy? That sumbitch is queer! Why
you listenin’ to homo-music?”
exfoliate. Though it may seem like a fantastic
idea to ignore the natural order of sloughing
off skin like Dick Clark, there are places that
God did not intend you to rub cream with
little blue beads in it. Exfoliating cream looks
like lotion, and it feels like lotion ... until the
next day when you begin to sweat. Then,
your vigorous removal of dead skin cells will
become a fiery dance of death as you scramble
to the nearest bathroom to splash water on
your burning loins. If you’re unlucky like
me, your mother will walk in while you’re
doing this. A word of advice: any explanation
you come up with will sound worse than the
truth, so don’t bother. Aside from this, there
is the danger of not rinsing away all those
little blue beads. Combined with sweat, this
gives a sensation akin to coarse grit sandpaper.
Strangely, it feels good for the first hour or so
... but I digress.
2. You will always get caught before you’re
finished. Never once in history has someone
been nabbed in the afterglow, while smoking
a cigarette or letting the air out of the doll
(or both simultaneously if you’re talented).
You won’t even get caught when you’re
stapling Miss June to the bathroom door. And
on a personal note, it hurts so much more
when your mother says “I’m not mad ... I’m
just disappointed.” Especially when you’re
dressed like the construction worker from
the Village People. A lot of you are probably
judging me right now for that last bit, but it’s
only because you prefer the cop or the Indian.
And that’s just plain wrong, no matter how
you look at it!
3. That shop-vac you got for Christmas wasn’t
meant to be used for that. Sure, it works great
on sawdust, cat litter and even the occasional
cleanup of leftover exfoliant beads from hardto-reach places. But then, that’s what a shopvac was designed to do (with the possible
exception of the exfoliant thing, which was just
personal ingenuity). What it is NOT designed
to do is apply 20 foot-pounds of suction while
you watch old reruns of “The Facts Of Life.”
Plus, once you’ve tried that sort of thing, it can
become addicting. The next thing you know,
your neighbors are calling the police every
time you crank up the 2-ton vacuum pump
you bought from an industrial surplus store.
Also, “I’m trying to suck out the evil” will
only make your mother laugh harder when she
catches you.
4. Always ask to see I.D. because apparently
not every woman with handcuffs is a cop.
Some of them even have those shiny black
batons, despite never being remotely affiliated
with any law enforcement agency. Plus,
there’s always that lingering feeling that this
person is supposed to be upholding the law.
Most importantly, if you do decide to let
Officer Hotpants “arrest” you, never leave
the videotape out on the coffee table for your
mother to find.
Basically, the lesson here is to not only
purchase many locks to help prevent the
discovery of your deviant behavior, but also
to remember to use said locks every time,
without exception. Or perhaps the lesson is
to move out of your mother’s house before
you turn 30. Speaking of which, I better make
sure Mom is still out of town so I can use the
vacuum cleaner. It’s for the living room carpet,
you pervert! Get your mind out of the gutter!
Jeremy L. Anderson’s shop-vac caused that power
blackout. Email your complaints to
reverendslim@valleyplanet.com.
Any and all aspiring rock guitarists
should own some Hendrix. Though he
was with us for only four short years
and three fully conceived albums (Are
You Experienced? Axis Bold As Love, and
Electric Ladyland), Clapton, Beck, Page,
Townshend, and Haynes — rock’s great
guitarists — all pay homage to Hendrix.
One big disappointment of Hendix’s
short life was that he was shunned
— ridiculed — by the black community
as “being too white.” Not many knew
then that Hendix’s music was neither
black nor white. It was a haze of purple, a
color all its own.
dranarcho@valleyplanet.com
page 29
HUNTSVILLE SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA
CELEBRATES: PART 2
By Evelyn Loehrlein
In the previous issue, Evelyn Loehrlein explained how the Symphony’s search
committee identified ten semi-finalists from a field of 230 applications
for the position of Music Director and Conductor.
committee chair Bert Parsons. Each candidate
spent approximately one week in Huntsville,
rehearsing and performing with the orchestra,
and meeting with the symphony board, donors,
civic leaders and the search committee.
Audience members took the opportunity to
meet the conductors after each concert and
provide opinions to the search committee.
Enlightenment Bridge
Spiritual Books & Gifts
804 Wellman Avenue Huntsville
Located in 5 Points
533-9506
Books for the Mind
Gifts for the Spirit
A Metaphysical Bookstore
INTREPID TRAVELERS
Site visits to the ten semi-finalists began
with a trip to Houston on September 4, 2001.
Delegations of search committee members,
HSO musicians and friends fanned out to
locations from Poughkeepsie, New York to
Mexico City. Although there was much work
to be done — candidates to interview face-toface, rehearsals to observe, concerts to study
— the delegates availed themselves of local
diversions, attractions and cuisine.
Huntsville’s “Bus Lady” Louise Heidish
checked out public transportation at every
site she visited. HSO Principal Bassoonist
Hunter Thomas served as interpreter on the
Mexico City trip. Upon arrival, the Huntsville
visitors were greeted by then future Music
Director, a hospitable Carlos Miguel Prieto,
who presented the visitors with a complete
itinerary for their stay. The group enjoyed a
visit to Mexico City’s archeological museum
guided by their knowledgeable host and
climbed the Pyramids of Teotihuacan. They
“shopped ‘til they dropped” at a Mexico City
open market.
In addition to comments from the public,
Parsons and his committee heard from trustees
and volunteers. Search committee members
and HSO musicians Jeffrey Dortch and Dorrie
Nutt coordinated a formal survey by the
orchestra musicians of each candidate.
On March 27 of this year, the HSO announced
its selection of Prieto to a gathering of major
donors at AmSouth Bank. Since then, Prieto
has made two visits to Huntsville to meet with
Symphony officials and sponsors.
After an exhaustive three-year search, the
payoff is finally here: Carlos, musicians, staff
and audience eagerly anticipate a glorious
season opener on September 20.
For more information about the Huntsville
Symphony Orchestra’s upcoming season and
to purchase tickets, call 256-539-4818 or visit
the website at www.hso.org.
In November, a whirlwind tour of New York
to visit candidates in Poughkeepsie and
Westfield, N.J., provided opportunities to dine
at the Culinary Institute of America, attend Die
Meistersinger at the Metropolitan Opera and
wander the streets of Manhattan.
Delegates also traveled to Lubbock, Texas;
Bozeman, Mont.; Pensacola, Fla.; Peoria,
Ill.; and Cincinnati, Ohio. There was a great
spirit of camaraderie and fast friendships were
formed.
FIVE FINALISTS VISIT
HUNTSVILLE
By December of 2001, all site visits were
concluded, and the search committee met
again to pursue a difficult task — identify the
five finalists who would make appearances
in Huntsville. After hours of debate, five
outstanding finalists were selected.
“These five were our top choices. The ones
whom we asked accepted,” said search
page 30
photo of Carlos Miguel Prieto by Peter Schaaf
Evelyn Loehrlein is principal flutist and
Executive Director of the Huntsville
Symphony Orchestra.
LEAD STORIES
Researchers Steven Potter (Georgia Tech)
and Guy Ben-Ary (University of Western
Australia, Perth) have created a robotic
“arm” that makes a painter’s rudimentary
brush strokes at Ben-Ary’s lab, directed
over the Internet by its “brain” (composed
of 50,000 rat neurons in a petri dish) in
Potter’s lab, according to a July report from
BBC News. According to Potter, the brain
is not yet classically “intelligent” but does
“adapt” (i.e., experience less chaos) and
thus strokes more smoothly over time.
SPAM-AZING
Wired magazine reported in August that
an order screen at the big e-mail spammer,
Amazing Internet Products, was left
unsecured and was hacked into recently,
revealing not only an inexplicably large
sales volume (6,000 orders in four weeks
for $50 Pinacle cream that promised to
increase penis size by up to 3 inches)
but some prominent, should-know-better
customers, such as the manager of a $6
billion mutual fund in New York City. Wired
(and earlier, Salon magazine) reported that
AIP’s two principals are a 19-year-old highschool dropout and chess vagabond and a
20-something former head of a neo-Nazi
outfit.
People Different From Us
In August, St. Louis, Mo., school board
member Rochell Moore sent Mayor Francis
Slay an open letter, criticizing his schoolclosing management reforms and advising
him that because of his obstinacy, she had
placed a curse on him. According to a report
in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Moore’s
curse was modeled after Deuteronomy 28:
21, in which Moses told the Israelites what
would happen if they strayed from God, e.g.,
“The Lord shall make the pestilence cleave
unto Francis Slay ...” (When a former city
comptroller later told reporters he thought
Moore had “mental problems,” Moore
allegedly threatened to kill him.)
Reuters reported in June that would-be
painter Rainer Herpel, 51, of Bad Ems,
Germany, was finally speaking again, after
having remained silent for the last 29 years
as a reaction to his father’s disapproval
of art as a career. Herpel lived with his
mother, spent most of the time alone in his
room concentrating on his paintings, only
occasionally ventured outdoors, and came
out of his shell only when his father passed
away. Said Herpel, “All great artists were
outsiders (probably meaning “different
from us”) before they had success.”
More Things to Worry About
The 2003 valedictorian of Alcee Fortier
Senior High School in New Orleans failed
(for the fifth time) the state’s mandatory
exit exam, and she cannot graduate until
she passes (August). And workers tearing
down the reactors at the old Hanford, Wash.,
nuclear reservation discovered dozens of
radioactive nests of mud dauber wasps,
but so far no wasp had mutated into a
monster (August). And the district attorney
of Watauga County, N.C., frustrated at
the light sentences judges hand down for
methamphetamine producers, announced
that he will begin to charge defendants
instead (via a recent anti-terrorism law)
with manufacturing a “nuclear or chemical
weapon” (August).
If you encounter
radiation, go outside
(if you’re inside a
building) or go inside
(if you’re outside a
building)
Cliches Come to Life
New York City’s new 16-page anti-terrorist
preparedness manual, produced by a
consortium of 20 government agencies
and released in July, contains such advice
as: If you encounter radiation, go outside
(if you’re inside a building) or go inside (if
you’re outside a building); Do not accept
packages from strangers; If you find
yourself holding a mysterious substance,
put it down. Also offered is the familiar
advice from a generation ago: If you can’t
get out of a building, “(Duck) under a sturdy
table or desk.”
In March, in Lisbon, Ohio, after William
Neville, 30, allegedly tried to get intimate
with a woman who had taken out a stayaway order against him, police chased
the man out of her home, down the street
through the Lisbon Cemetery, until he
accidentally got caught in a briar patch.
The St. Petersburg Times reported in July
that Pinellas County (Fla.) judge Richard
Luce was being investigated for losing his
temper in May and thus becoming unsuited
to sentence convicted attempted-murderer
Tam Thane Vo. Luce became angry when
he surmised that Vo’s mother had raised
her hand, middle finger extended, to her
forehead in reaction to the verdict, but
the mother said she was merely having an
adverse reaction to her shampoo.
In Kingsford, Australia, in May, Phyllis
Newnham, vying for a larger portion of the
estate of her late friend Florence Mather,
claimed in court that Mather had made out
a subsequent, more generous, superseding
will but that one of Ms. Mather’s dogs ate it
(and she produced DNA testing to show that
the dog had eaten a mangled document, but
it was unclear if that was the will).
Least Competent Criminals
At the Amoco station on Route 59 In Spring
Valley, N.Y., on June 22, an unidentified man
twice jumped on the counter and shouted,
demanding that the clerk hand over money,
but twice the clerk pushed him off, and
the man finally gave up and left. And in
August in Delray Beach, Fla., a man tried
to carjack Larry Klein, 53, who is disabled,
but Klein repeatedly jabbed at the man out
the window with one of his crutches, and he
finally ran away.
Paying Their Bills the United Way
In June, Jacquelyn Allen-MacGregor, 47,
a 20-year executive with United Way in
East Lansing, Mich., was remorseful after
being sentenced to four years in prison
for stealing more than $2 million from the
agency to buy show horses; said MacGregor,
“I do believe that I’m obsessed with horses.”
And an independent investigation revealed
in August that Mr. Oral Suer, the former
CEO of United Way of the Washington, D.C.,
area, had taken $1.5 million in improper
payments during his tenure; among the
alleged improprieties was that Suer made
several annual gifts to United Way in
his own name but then collected bogus
expenses from the organization to cover
the donations.
Our Civilization in Decline
In McNairy County, Tenn., in August,
father Steven Joseph Yurick, 33, was
convicted of producing child pornography
on the Web site he runs in order to promote
the modeling career of his 13-year-old
daughter; authorities found no explicitly
erotic photos on the site, and the girl said
she enthusiastically posed wearing scanty
clothing because she so earnestly wants to
be a fashion model. Meanwhile, a Brisbane,
Australia, modeling agency run by Darrell
Featherstone uses his 8-year-old daughter
Morgan as a fashion model but only after
making her up and dressing her to appear
to be an adult.
Below the Fold
Robin Wilkinson, a 19-year veteran
prosecutor who resigned after being
charged with DUI, said her main defense
would be that, at the time of the traffic stop,
police did not tell her that she had the right
to an attorney (Orlando, Fla., August). And
an accountant was charged with embezzling
$170,000 from his employer (a union local)
and explained that he gave it all to a female
assistant for three years’ worth of oral sex
(New York City).
No Longer Weird
Adding to the list of stories that were
formerly weird but which now occur with
such frequency that they must be retired
from circulation: (65) Parents who on a
hot day leave their infants locked in the
car (accidentally or for what they believe
is only a brief period), resulting in death,
as happens usually to underachieving
people but which also happened in August
to University of California professor Mark
J. Warschauer. (66) And the proliferation
of Internet pages by penpal-seeking lonelyheart inmates such as Saul dos Reis Jr.,
who is serving time in Connecticut for
a fatal sexual assault on a 13-year-old
girl, and who advertised himself (on
Inmate.com, before the ad was recently
removed) as “enjoy(ing)” “being silly and
funny” and who has “many qualities which
make me unique.”
Least Justifiable Homicides
Victor Robinson was charged with murder
in Miami in April after he allegedly told
police he roughed up his 8-month-old son to
stop him from crying so that he wouldn’t
grow up “to be a punk.” And in May in
Rockville, Md., a 12-year-old girl formally
acknowledged at a hearing that she had
fatally stabbed her 15-year-old brother
during a dispute over whose turn it was to
use the phone.
And in the Last Month ...
Three teenagers with paintball guns
terrorized kids on a playground until they
fired into the wrong group of kids, one
of whom returned fire with a real gun,
wounding two paintballers (Pittsburgh).
An expert in workplace violence for the
Hawaii state government was allegedly
roughed up by his supervisor in a policy
dispute (Honolulu). The government of
India’s West Bengal state began distributing
copies of the venerable Kama Sutra sex
guide to teach prostitutes creative ways to
give pleasure to clients without AIDS-risky
penetrative sex.
Send your Weird News to Chuck
Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL
33679 or WeirdNews@earthlink.net or go
to www.NewsoftheWeird.com.
COPYRIGHT 2003 CHUCK SHEPHERD
DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL PRESS
SYNDICATE
4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111;
(816) 932-6600
page 31
Ask Uncle Flabby
uncleflabby@valleyplanet.com
Dear Uncle Flabby,
I need help!! There’s a guy that I like and he likes me but there’s another guy who I like a lot !!!
I don’t know what to do!?! The first guy is really nice and sweet and has the most interesting
personality! He is willing to help at the first chance he gets, no matter what the problem is!!!
Plus, he’s my age, a freshman!! The second guy is a junior and is soooooooooooooooooooooo
oooo hott !!!!!! I’ve known him for about 4 days. He’s more my type too! The 1st guy is my type
too, but I’m happier as friends! Well, can u help me???????????????????????? Well, g2g!!!!!
Help Me,
Hopelessly Confused
Dear Punctuation Happy Teenager,
Words of wisdom from an Uncle who has been around the block: Hot cools off fast; sweet lasts a
long time.
UF
P.S. And additionally, I think three additional o’s would have sufficed.
Dear Uncle Flabby,
 I’ve met the woman of my dreams, or at least I think it’s a woman, we’ve only talked online.
And only the once, so maybe not............But it did last all night and it was great.
Anyway, some friends say I have a problem with making decisions, what do you think? Or do I
care what you think? I’m not sure......
Blonde or maybe not
Dear Blonde,
You seem to think there is some connection between your first paragraph and your second. I don’t
see anything in the first paragraph that has anything to do with making decisions. And I don’t see
anything in the second paragraph that has anything to do with meeting women online.
But you do ask me two things. First you want to know if you have trouble making decisions –
well, how the hell am I supposed to know? Usually people try to give an example of the problem
they are having. In your case, I would need an example of your difficulty (or ease) in making
decisions. You haven’t given me one, so how am I to judge?
Second you want to know if you care what I think. You tell me. You’re the one who wrote asking
for my advice on a problem of which I know absolutely nothing!
I think you probably have less of a problem making decisions than you have making sense.
UF
I recently lost a multi-million dollar position because I got drunk and can’t remember what
happened, but there was a huge room service bill involved. Any advice on a course of action?
Rollinginit
Dear In It,
Leave town, change careers and slow down on the liquor.
UF
Dear Uncle Flabby,
I have an insatiable appetite when it comes to my girlfriend. I was thinking of having her
cloned so I can pull her out of the closet, whenever I like. Do you think this is a good idea?
Signed: The Craving
Dear Craving,
If you have the thousands of dollars necessary to go out of the country to find a doctor who will
help clone your girlfriend AND you have access to her DNA, AND you have an available womb
that isn’t being used for 9 months, AND you can afford to feed, clothe, educate, and support a
child for 18 years, AND you wouldn’t feel bad about satisfying your “appetite” on someone who
by that point would probably feel like a daughter to you, I’d say “Go for it!”
UF
Dear Uncle Flabby,
I have the first pick in my fantasy football draft this year. What do you think Ricky Williams
chances are of leading the NFL in rushing, again this year?
FinHead
Dear FH,
Ricky Williams — yeah, he’s who I’d go with. Either him or Pete Sampras.
UF
Dear Uncle Flabby,
There’s something that has been bothering me since I was a little kid. Can you tell me if
Disney’s “Goofy” is a dog, a wolf, or what is he?
Perplexed
page 32
Dear Perplexed,
Goofy is in fact a dog — albeit an anthropomorphized dog.
Goofy originally appeared as Dippy Dawg in the 1932 short film “Mickey’s Revue.” Over the
next several shorts, his name changed to Dippy the Goof and finally Goofy. However, it wasn’t
until the 1935 short “Moving Day” that both Goofy’s look and personality achieved their classic,
identifiable “goofiness.” His first starring role was in 1939’s “Goofy and Wilbur.”
Over the next 6 decades, Goofy changed and grew, like we all have. He became cuter, less
obnoxious and lovable. During the Baby-Everything craze of the late ‘80s early ‘90s (Muppet
Babies, Scooby Doo Babies, Baby Scott Bakula), Goofy was briefly transmorgrified into an
horrific Baby Goofy.
Currently he has a teenage son-dog, Max, and is a hip, lovable dad-dog.
UF
Dear Uncle Flabby,
I recently heard a rumor that you are really a girl? This kind of bothers me, since I tend to
idolize you and follow your advice religiously. Can you put my mind at ease by posting a
picture?
Your Obedient Disciple
Dear YOD,
Why exactly would idolizing and taking the advice of a WOMAN bother you? Sounds awfully
sexist, YOD.
Who do you think that seal is anyway?
UF
Dear Uncle Flabby,
Women suck. All you do all day is try to please them. I do everything they say. I buy them
dinners and clothes and flowers and candy. But it always ends up the same. Me sitting at home
in my dingy little apartment playing with my cats. Help me break out of this rut and meet a
girl I can impress.
Signed,
Only the lonely
Dear Lonely,
You’ve got both a dingy little apartment and a brood of cats? If the women aren’t impressed with
you now, I can’t imagine they’d be impressed with anything. They’re the ones missing out!
UF
Dear Uncle Flabby,
I haven’t been to class in months. Some days I’m too depressed, other days I’m too tired, but
most days I’m just too hung over. Anyway, I’m flunking out and I can’t hide this from my dad
too much longer. I don’t want to go get a job, that’s just too lame and I can’t go to those stupid
classes. How can I keep dad’s money coming in without having to go to school?
Flounder
Dear Flounder,
If you are in elementary, middle or high school, your dad would already know because he
probably gets your reports in the mail and notices that you never leave your room to get to
school on time.
So let’s assume you’re talking college. (Just an aside — YOU PEOPLE HAVE GOT TO START
BEING A LITTLE MORE EXPLICIT IN YOUR QUESTIONS! While I am telekinetic — I AM
NOT PSYCHIC! I am getting really tired of trying to fill in the blanks from your questions before
I can even start to answer them. Geesh!) My first question would be how does your dad know
you’re flunking out? Does the school send grades to him? If that’s the case, then he knows, and
he’s just waiting for you to dig yourself into a deeper hole.
However, if the school gives grades to you, don’t show him. Tell him you’re doing great. Heck,
even drop out, just don’t tell Dumb Old Dad. And, if after 5 or 6 years he begins to wonder why
you still haven’t graduated, tell him you did, but just forgot to invite him. Tell him you’re now
working on a combined MD/PhD, and your workload is so tough that you need even MORE
money from him.
Eventually he’ll die, and if he hasn’t already wasted all of his hard-earned money on his
worthless offspring, you’ll get the remainder and never have to get a lame job or go to stupid
classes. And you can spend the rest of your tired, depressed, drunken life lounging about in a
low-rent college apartment complex eating cold pizza and burping.
Good luck.
UF
Dear Uncle Flabby,
My girl friend and I have been dating for 2 years. I love her to death, but she has been
exercising and losing weight and is really starting to look hot. During these past 2 years I have
been gaining weight and am getting kinda fat. I can’t decide if I should get her to eat more or
if I should start working out. Your advice would be appreciated. P.S. How much do you weigh
UF? Maybe that would make me feel better?
Booger
Dear Booger,
Hmm, I don’t know. That sure is a tough one. Should you turn your girlfriend into a fat-ass or
turn yourself into a lean, mean love machine. I think you’ve stumped me there. Anyone?
UF
P.S. 194. Doubt it.
uncleflabby@valleyplanet.com
News, Views & Notes
By Jimbo Scampi
jimbo.scampi@valleyplanet.com
Here we go gang, mindless
ramblings about sports,
gambling and other stuff.
Let’s start with Baseball. ... How bad
are my Detroit Tigers? They’re on pace
to lose 122 games and shatter the
major league record of 120 by the ‘62
Mets. (Why couldn’t I have been born
in Atlanta?) ... Speaking of Atlanta, the
Buffalo Braves will make the World Series
again. They will play Oakland, and they
will lose, again. ... Barry Bonds is the MVP
without question — any guy who can
make his father’s last days so exciting
gets my vote. (In case you don’t know, he
hit 2 walk-off homeruns in three games
against the NL best team, the Braves,
during his father’s final days.) ... How
great was the Little League World Series,
except when Tokyo won, of course. Did
anyone see the kid from New England?
6-foot, 180-pounds and he is twelve. ...
Baseball’s funniest online casino odds:
Mike Piazza (10 to 1) is twice favored
to come out of the closet before Brady
Anderson, Andre Agassi and Jerry Rice
(20 to 1 each).
On to golf. ... How great is it to see Tiger
Woods lose to all these so-called nonames week in and week out. ... You’ve
got to love Phil Mickelson; he comes out
on day one of every major always in the
lead. Does he put away the driver and
play conservative golf and hold on to
win? Hell No! Not Lefty. He goes out and
misses almost every fairway and blows
up for another major letdown. When Phil
does win a major, it will be great because
he’ll win his way, recklessly. ... Speaking
of Phil, did you know that when he was
in high school and decided to play in
the local U.S. Open qualifier instead of a
high school tourney, he was replaced by
future alleged double-manslaughterer
Scott Peterson? The two were teammates
for the next two years.
I want to talk about our local sports talk
in North Alabama. We have two stations,
730 “The Ump” and 1450 ESPN. I have to
say that 1450 is doing a pretty good job.
They cover local sports, The Stars, UAH
and they had the PGA Championship
(that’s right — golf on the radio). Steve
Moulton does a great job in the morning,
and they have a new evening football
talk show that looks promising. A couple
of years ago, I hated 730 morning guy,
Matt Perrault, but it seems time in the
South has done him some good, and
he has realized that nobody cares about
the Red Sox or the Patriots and that real
football is in the South. Also, he gets
some real solid interviews. The afternoon
guy Doug Franz is probably our best
I would have gotten a flood of “you’re
nuts” emails. I guess that wasn’t crazy
enough. ... Well how about this: N.C.
State’s Philip Rivers wins the Heisman
and is the fifth QB taken in the NFL Draft
behind Ole Miss’ Eli Manning, K-State’s
Ell Roberson, Washington’s Cody Pickett
and Tulane’s J.P Losman.
Oh, by the way, Scott Peterson is 2 to 1
favorite for conviction and the death
penalty.
local voice. He is always prepared and
has a great inside knowledge of all
sports (like he has played most of them,
whether organized or not). But in every
family with three brothers, there has to
be a goof. The guy in the afternoon, Dan
Back, is a goon. I don’t think this guy has
ever picked up a fricking ball in his life.
When he was talking about moving
John Smoltz from the bullpen to the
starting rotation, I actually heard him say,
“I honestly do not know how that would
affect a pitcher.” You do not know? How
can I be expected to take your opinion
seriously, if you “do not know.” At least
say “hey, that may be a tough transition,”
but never “I do not know.” Also, he thinks
that if he acts like Jim Rome, people will
listen; but there’s just one thing, the real
Jim Rome comes on right after him. ... I
think I can wait. ( I hope he takes this as
a critique).
Dateline Columbus ... The much
overrated Maurice Clarett is a complete
idiot and Jim Brown is a bigger idiot.
What makes Clarett think he can change
the NFL rules about letting athletes play
who aren’t out of high school for more
than 3 years? What makes him so damn
important? It must be the 62 yards vs.
Kent State, or the 39 yards vs. Penn State,
or maybe the 52 yards vs. Purdue. No, it
must have been the 47 yards vs. Miami.
And Jim Brown should not bite the hand
that feeds him. If it weren’t for the NFL,
he would have been in prison.
My Super Bowl pick this year: Eagles
over the Titans. ...You may ask “where
are the Buccaneers?” I’ll tell ya. Under my
bucking hat.
Did you know that the official odds for
the California governor’s race are Arnold
Schwarzenegger (8 to 5, heavy favorite),
Larry Flint (40 to 1) and Gary Coleman
(1500 to 1)? The real candidate, Cruz
Bustamante, comes in at even odds. All
of a sudden, Alabama politics look really
good.
I thought that by picking Michigan
to win the National Championship,
Alabama to win 10 games and Auburn
to beat Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl,
page 33
band. We just played music and let people
make up their own minds.”
Finally, the Sharpe brothers whittled the Toy
Shop lineup down to a three-piece and closed a
circle with the inclusion of their old friend Jim
Keeling, himself a veteran of area music and a
drummer’s drummer.
About his work with Antony and Andrew,
Keeling said:
“A great part of my development as a musician
came from playing with these two guys. We
just seem to gel.”
Keeling, for his part, also does time as a
touring member of the Atlanta Rhythm Section
and the Huntsville aggregate The Snake
Doctors. He juggles the projects exceptionally,
contributing more than his share to all three
endeavors, and still makes plenty of time for
his wonderful new wife, Donna.
But the appeal of Keeling to the Sharpe
brothers, apart from their close friendship, is
his skillful, yet soulful, timekeeping, which
echoes the styles of great “feel” drummers like
former John Lennon sideman/studio-great Jim
Keltner and Rolling Stone Charlie Watts.
Antony put it this way, “What I like about Jim
is that he always plays for the song. And Jim’s
instincts are to play to make the band sound
better, and that’s a bonus for me,”
Toy Shop began in earnest to get their original
music heard by a wider audience and often hit
the road in support of it.
“After a couple of years of playing the original
material, people kept coming up and saying,
‘You should have a CD,’” Antony said. “So,
we set about committing some of our ideas
to tape.”
Working at home, without the pressures and
clock of the recording studio, the Sharpe
brothers and Keeling refined the material
and recorded what they felt to be the best
representation of their sound.
Both brothers had become stellar singers
and superb lyricists, in addition to their
instrumental prowess, and the exquisite detail
in their singing recalls the greatest pop and
rock singer/songwriters. Andrew’s high,
pure voice recalls Squeeze’s Glenn Tilbrook,
while Antony’s grainy rasp is not unlike John
Lennon’s scratchy wail. Heard together, the
brothers’ voices make an amazing full-bodied
sound and complement each other like nothing
else.
During the recording, Antony handled all
manner of guitars, while keyboards were taken
care of by Andrew, who also performed the
handy trick of doubling up on bass guitar. Jim
Keeling’s good-foot drumming is fluid and
precise, at once downtown and down home.
All three men did backing vocals, and the
Sharpes shared lead vocals on the tunes they
composed, making for an enjoyable listening
experience.
In charge of mixing the material that became
the Toy Shop CD, Doug Smith of Sound
Cell Studios went to work, and the result is
a shimmering display of the Sharp brothers’
craft, not least of which are Andrew Sharpe’s
arrangements.
“Andrew is the ‘Brian Wilson’ of the group,”
Antony said, referring to the man whose
arranging skills and studio techniques
influenced countless musicians, not least
page 34
of which was the Beatles, who made Sgt.
Pepper’s after hearing Wilson’s work on the
Beach Boys’ luminous Pet Sounds album.
“Andrew is the guy who not only makes
his own ideas really work, but he takes my
rough spots and makes them more coherent
musically,” Antony continued.
During the mixing of the CD, Huntsville
musician David Anderson stopped in to
Smith’s studio and pronounced, “I hear
Andrew Sharpe all over this stuff.”
Indeed, the songs brim with melody and
poignant and humorous lyricism. The CD
was released in July with the simple title Toy
Shop. Andrew’s work also adorns the cover of
the CD, taking his visual art into yet another
medium.
“You can hear subtle and sometimes overt
hints of everything we’ve come through on the
record,” Antony laughs. “There’s Tom Waits
and Radiohead next to Neil Young and Steve
Harley. And you can hear the South exerting
its influence on us as well. I play quite a bit of
slide on the record, and twenty years ago you
wouldn’t have caught me dead with a slide or
enjoying the sound of a lap steel guitar.”
Andrew added, with a laugh, “Even more so,
at least in my playing, is the influence of guys
like Ben Folds, who has a way of putting a
beautiful melody under lyrics that describe
a less-than-ideal situation.” The brothers
effortlessly mix irony and sarcasm with
tuneful pop. “We like people who can make a
bad day into a beautiful song,” Andrew stated.
“What You Do” and “Drop Of Rain” are
just two of the ringers on the Toy Shop CD,
illustrating this point perfectly. Funnier still is
“Crack,” which takes a lighthearted jab at an
evil element of society with a chicken picked
guitar. “Watch This” is a clever shot of witty
country, and “Not What It Used To Be” is
a delicate ballad with a blazing slide guitar
solo, opening the track up to a widescreen
improvisational romp worthy of early-70s
Allman Brothers. Not a dud in the bunch.
Imagination, indeed.
Translated to a live setting, the material stands
up well, and the band’s sense of humor and
freewheeling intensity make them a crowd
favorite, even when sharing stages with
heavies like Cheap Trick and the Foo Fighters.
Toy Shop definitely holds its own with the
best of them.
Antony and Andrew Sharpe fill their days
easily, and both have active careers outside
of music.
Antony coaches Lee High School’s varsity
soccer program (now in his sixth
year!), teaches guitar at the Fret Shop
in Huntsville and is happily married
to a lovely lawyer, Leslie. Antony
and Leslie are the proud parents of
a beautiful, bright-eyed nine-monthold daughter, Haley.
Andrew Sharpe is a gymnastics coach
with Rocket City Gym and paints
professionally, doing commissions
for local businesses and individuals.
He remains the consummate artiste.
“Andrew is really a genius in so
many ways,” his brother said. “He
truly lives for his art and is successful
with it. I’m quite proud of him.”
Andrew waxes poetic about his
brother thus: “We don’t always agree,
but we trust each other’s instincts for
the benefit of our music, and both of us have
our stamp on every tune.”
Frank Sharpe would be proud of his grandsons,
just as he himself returned to performing later
in life for the thrill of it after raising his own
family. One of Frank’s many rewards for
his music was a tiny medallion that Antony
now wears on a chain around his neck. From
Hertfordshire to Huntsville, Antony and
Andrew Sharpe have absorbed the gift of
music passed down to them and continue to
give back in so many ways.
Toy Shop can be reached via their website,
located at www.toy-shop.us.
page 35
Photos courtesy of Paula Posey
page 36

03 - Valley Planet

Transcription

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