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July 2016
Rite of Passage
Ceremonies and rituals for important events
Essential 80s
Putting together the ultimate 80s playlist
Say What?
Are you singing the right words to songs?
Snow doubt about it
Hipe hits the snow slopes - in Cape Town
School of Substance Abuse
Performance enhancing drugs at school
What’s inside the July edition?
8
Click on any video below to view
How much do you know
about movie theme
songs? Take our quiz and
find out.
Hipe’s
Wouter
de
Goede interviews former
28’s gang boss David
Williams.
14
Cover Story
Rite of Passage
Every culture has ceremonies and traditions for the most important events in a
person’s life. We look at some of them.
Features
Hammered
Alcohol abuse is becoming more of a
problem among the country’s youth.
The old South African
Defence Force used
a mixture of English,
Afrikaans, slang and
techno-speak that few
outside the military
could hope to understand. Some of the terms
were humorous, some
were clever, while others
were downright crude.
Part of Hipe’s “On the
couch” series, this is an
interview with one of
author Herman Charles
Bosman’s most famous
A taxi driver was shot characters, Oom Schalk Hipe spent time in
dead in an ongoing Lourens.
Hanover Park, an area
war between rival taxi
plagued
with
gang
organisations.
violence, to view firsthand
how
Project
Ceasefire is dealing with
the situation.
Hipe TV brings you videos ranging from actuality to humour and everything
in between. Interviews, mini-documentaries and much more.
Check out Hipe TV and remember to like, comment, share and subscribe.
20
Essential 80’s
27
Hipe’s how to....
28
Murphy’s Law
30
Hipe’s Food Section
32
Fashion faux pas
page 8
The 80’s produced some of the best music ever. We’ve compiled a list of essential 80’s music for your collection.
How to say goodbye in various languages.
Ryan Murphy is carrying on about
South African drivers.
page 32
Some more tips from Chef Tony Zola
and another Quick & Easy recipe.
Fiona Taylor looks as some fashion disasters that you should avoid at all costs.
Front Cover Photo
A sabre tooth tiger gets a kiss. It was part
of an exhibit at Snow World.
3
36
Music 101 - One Hit Wonders
38
Say what?
PUBLISHER
Hipe Media
42
Hipe’s Top Ten
EDITOR
Matt Tennyson
45
Gaming: Budget Buys
46
Scene & Heard - Snow Productions
From the
editor’s
desk
I
t’s the middle of winter. It’s
cold and rainy. Don’t know
about you, but I’m ready for
summer again.
This month we’ve gone for
a bit of a musical theme and I
had a good chuckle at the article ‘Say what’. It seems that
I’m not the only one that gets
the words to songs mixed up at
times.
I’ve been watching the rugby
test matches between South
Africa and Ireland with mixed
emotions. I’m a big Springbok
fan but I was born and raised in
Ireland so I still support them as
well.
Next month we celebrate
Women’s Day and it is also
Women’s Month. So in August
we will only be using female
writers for the magazine. And
I’ll be relinquishing the editor’s
desk for the month and Fiona
Taylor will step in. Trust me, I
need the break.
Until next time.
4
r
o
t
i
d
E
Entertainment
SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER
Ryan Gould
These artists all had hits - but only one.
Are you singing the right words to your
favourite song?
Our Top Ten musical movies.
Matt O’ Brien talks about how to make
gaming affordable.
page 50
We go snowboarding in Cape Town.
CONTRIBUTORS
Gwyneth Bowman, Janine Cassidy, Raymond Fletcher, Seth Gordon, Jeff Milton,
Stix Mkhize, Ryan Murphy, Matt O’Brien,
Fiona Taylor, Matt Tennyson, Tony Zola.
48
Hipe! is published on-line every
month. Articles in Hipe! are copyrighted and may not be used without prior
permission from the editor.
50
Health
Boost your immune system
Make sure you’re getting the right vitamins and minerals this winter.
Sport
The Greatest
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. We
pay tribute to the late Muhammad Ali.
The views stated in this magazine do not
necessary reflect the views of Hipe!, the editor,
the staff, or Hipe Media.
54
The School of substance abuse
Hipe!
P.O. Box 31216, Tokai, 7966
South Africa.
57
The remarkable Bill Payn
email
editor@hipe.co.za
page 40
58
We delve into the darker side of school
sports.
The man who ran the Comrades in rugby
boots.
Short Story
When the nerd turns
page 54
A gaming nerd goes from zero to hero.
5
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Hipe! cover story
Rite of Passage
Every culture has ceremonies and traditions for most of the
important events in a person’s life; be it a birth, coming of
age, marriage, or even death. We take a closer look.
“T
wenty-one today, twentyone today, I’ve got the
key of the door, I’ve never
been twenty-one before.”
It’s been many years since I heard
that little song sung at my 21st birthday party. In fact, if I recall correctly,
Mozart was playing the piano when
they sung it.
The 21st birthday celebration is a
big deal in western culture. It is the
day that you “come of age”. You are
now officially an adult. It probably
stems from the fact that in many countries you had to be 21 before you could
vote. It is also tradition to receive a
key on your 21st birthday, a symbol
denoting your “freedom”.
We seem to have rituals and ceremonies for most of the important
events in our lives. We have them for
birth, coming of age, marriage, even
8
for death. And, although they may differ somewhat, most cultures and religions seem to have them.
In most Christian cultures, baptism plays an important role. In some
churches this is done at birth and it is
normally when the child is named. In
many charismatic churches, however,
baptism doesn’t take place at birth.
This happens much later, when a person is old enough to give their life to
God. They are then baptised as a sign
of being “born again”. The person being baptised is immersed under the
water.
It is symbolic of being buried and
then rising again as a new person. Yet
some churches can’t even agree on
how this should be done. Some say
that the body should be immersed
once under the water, while others say
the person should be immersed under
water three times.
In the Jewish culture, male children
are circumcised shortly after birth in
a ceremony known as the bris. This is
a symbol of their covenant with God.
Naam Karan is a Sikh ceremony of
naming a child and it usually takes
place in a Gurdwara (Sikh place of
worship) after the baby and mother are
medically and physically fit enough to
attend the Gurdwara. It normally just
involves the main family members attending.
Amrit Sanskar or Amrit Sanchar
or the Amrit ceremony is the Sikh
ceremony of initiation or baptism. It
embodies the primary objects of the
Sikh faith, and promises connection
with the Guru as well as promoting
the ability to lead a pure and pious
life which will unite the “pure one”
with Almighty Lord. Other Christian
churches will have rituals such as the
first Holy Communion. This is common to the Catholic Church.
One ritual that is common to most
cultures and religions is the “coming
of age” ceremony - the rite of passage
from childhood into adulthood. As we
have already seen, this is normally
celebrated in western culture when a
person turns 21. Other cultures, however, vary on the age when a person is
regarded as being an adult.
The Jewish coming of age ceremony is known as a Bar Mitzvah or
Bat Mitzvah. Boys celebrate their Bar
Mitzvah at the age of 13, while girls
celebrate a Bat Mitzvah when they
turn 12.
Genpuku was a historical Japanese
coming of age ceremony. It was also
known as Kakan and marked the entry into adulthood of boys between the
ages of 12 and 16. They were taken to
the shrines of their patron kami (spirits) where they were presented with
their first adult clothes. They would
also receive a special haircut known
as mizura. Finally, they were given
adult names (eboshi-na).
During the Heian period, the ceremony was restricted to the sons of
samurai families. During the Muromachi era this gradually spread to include people of lower status and rank.
9
human beings, especially the Dvija or
twice-born are required to perform a
number of sacrifices with oblations for
Gods, ancestors and guardians in accordance with the Vedic dictums for a
Dharmic or righteous life. Sanskar is a
commonly used variant of the Sanskrit
word Samskara and signifies cultural
heritage and upbringing in modern
Hindi.
Russ is a tradition and cultural phenomenon in Scandinavia, most notable
in Norway. In Norway, students who
graduate from upper secondary school
are called russ and celebrate with the
characteristic festivities (russefeiring)
during the first few weeks of May.
NAUGHTY NORDICS: Russ, a student tradition in Norway, seems to be all about
getting drunk, semi-naked and then taking part in initiation contests.
The equivalent ceremony for women
was called mogi, and was performed
for girls aged between 12 and 14, and
was similarly based around the presentation of adult clothing. In modern
Japan, these ceremonies have been replaced by annual coming of age ceremonies for 20 year olds of both sexes
called seijin shiki.
The Guan Li is the Chinese coming
of age ceremony. The name Guan Li
refers to the ceremony for men, whilst
the Ji Li refers to the one for women.
The age of the person is usually 20
and during the ceremony, the person
obtains a style name. These ceremo10
nies are now rarely practiced in China,
however there has been a recent resurgence, especially from those who are
sympathetic to the Hanfu movement.
The Poy Sang Long (Festival of
the Crystals Sons) is a rite of passage
ceremony among the Shan people in
Myanmar and Northern Thailand.
Boys between the ages of seven and
14 take novice monastic vows. They
also participate in monastery life for
a period that can vary from a single
week to months or even years.
In Hinduism, the Samskra are a series of sacraments, sacrifices and rituals that serve as rites of passage. All
church and returns to the community,
or when they decide to leave the community forever. The Amish elders regard Rumspringa as a time for courtship and finding a wife.
While on the subject of finding
wives, nearly every culture has a marriage ceremony of some sort. While
they may differ in many ways, the
objective remains more or less the
same - becoming betrothed to a partner. Some religions and cultures allow
for more than one wife. Others still
have arranged marriages. A bride will
sometimes only get to meet her husband for the first time at their wedding
ceremony.
In skydiving there is a tradition that
when you do your 1,000th jump
you do it nude.
In Sweden, a similar celebration is
called Studenten (the student). In Finland students celebrate the start of the
final exam in a similar tradition called
penkkarit.
The Amish religious denomination
lives to a very strict code of conduct.
Yet during adolescence teens, usually
at the age of about 16, embark on a
period known as Rumspringa. They
normally move out of the community
and are allowed the freedom to do as
they please. They are allowed to partake in activities that are normally taboo within the community.
Rumspringa ends either when the
youth chooses baptism with the Amish
Rituals, traditions, and ceremonies extend to just about every aspect
of life. Not only the important ones.
When I did my PPL (Private Pilot’s
Licence) there was a tradition, and I
believe it stills exists, that after you
had completed your first solo flight,
your feet were not allowed to touch the
ground until you had been “dunked”.
At the flight school where I trained,
as soon as you landed fellow qualified
pilots would carry you from the cockpit to a fish pond in front of the clubhouse and you were thrown into the
water. In skydiving there is a tradition
that when you do your 1 000th jump,
you do it nude.
11
our life when we bring down the curtain and join the choir invisible.
Yes, even death comes with its own
little rituals and ceremonies.
Nearly every culture and religion
has some sort of ceremony to mark
the death of a person. These include
funeral services, burial, or even cremation.
Do a bit of research into traditional
old Viking funerals. They were really
something else.
Being Irish, my culture has enough
rituals and traditions. The celebration
of St Patrick’s Day, the patron saint of
Ireland, is probably one of the biggest
rituals. At one stage it was a religious
AMISH ADVENTURES: While the Amish community live to a strict set of rules when
they become adolescents they are allowed to leave the community to embark on
Rumspringa. This is a time when they can let their hair down.
Even education has many rituals
and traditions. Think of graduation
ceremonies, matric dances and initiation for new pupils.
Many large organisations will have
their own rituals and traditions. And
this is especially true in the military.
For instance when God Save The
Queen is played, all British soldiers
will jump to attention and salute. Except, that is, for the officers of the
13/15th Royal Hussars. When the national anthem is played they will remain seated. In fact any officer standing will immediately find somewhere
to sit. Even if it is on the floor.
Are they a rebellious, unpatriotic
12
mob that show no respect for the monarch or their country? No, they’re following an old regimental tradition.
It appears that Queen Mary was a
guest at a formal dinner at the regiment. When the national anthem, God
Save The Queen, was played all the
officers present jumped to their feet.
“Don’t bother to stand,” Queen
Mary told them. “Please sit down and
relax, Sit down.”
So they did sit down - and have never stood since for the national anthem.
While there are rituals for birth,
coming of age, marriage, and just
about everything in between, don’t
forget the final send off. That time in
there to be a fight or two. I once heard
a story, probably true, that someone
punched the corpse at a wake because
apparently the corpse didn’t want to
have a drink with him. Some joke that
a good Irish wake should lead to at
least another two or three funerals.
You can listen to a wonderful song
about an Irish wake, called Tim Finegan’s Wake) by clicking here.
Another Irish tradition was to place
two coins on the corpse’s eyelids. This
was so they would be able to pay the
ferryman that carried them across the
River Styx to the other side.
Mirrors in the house were covered
until after the funeral. This was so that
Some joke that a good Irish wake should
lead to at least another
two or three funerals.
festival, now it is also an excuse to
have a huge party.
Naturally the Irish also have rituals
and traditions dealing with death. One
Irish ritual that is still often observed
is the wake.
The corpse would be laid out at his
home for everyone to see and pay their
last respects. The women would normally arrive first and sit around speaking quietly while drinking tea.
Then the men would arrive and the
stronger stuff would come out. Whiskey, known in Irish as uisce beatha
(the water of life) would flow.
Wakes would often turn into huge
parties and it was not uncommon for
if the dead persons ghost saw themselves in the mirror they wouldn’t get
a fright by finding out they were dead.
According to old Irish tradition a
person would always be buried with a
new pair of shoes. This was because
the new shoes wouldn’t know the
way back home and the spirit couldn’t
come and haunt its old house.
Traditions, rituals, rites, celebrations - they’re a part of life, and of
death. It’s a sad fact that many of these
traditions and rituals are dying out
with the younger generations. Maybe
we should keep them going. After all,
they are a rite of passage. n
13
Hipe! feature
Hammered
The abuse of alcohol in South Africa
is a huge problem that shows no
signs of abating. What is even
more alarming is the increase of
alcohol abuse among the country’s youth. Many South African’s are calling for the legal
drinking age to be raised to
21. But is this really going to
help?
N
ot that long ago a photograph appeared in a
Johannesburg newspaper. It showed a group of
pupils from two high schools
in Kagiso taking a late morning stroll to school. Not only
were they late for school, they
were also consuming alcohol while they walked in full
public view. The photograph
caused an outcry.
The pupils in the photograph were identified by
their respective schools
and punitive punishment was taken
against them. One of
them was suspended from school for
a day. The others
14
had to make a formal apology in front of
their school.
Victor is 44 and has been a teacher for
more than 20 years. According to him
incidents such as this are more common
than people realise.
“In my day we would never have
dreamt about drinking in school uniform,” he says. “Especially in public. We
would have been expelled from school
with no questions asked.”
Victor recalls countless times that pupils have arrived at school in the morning
already under the influence of alcohol.
“Everyone is worried about the tik addicts,” he says. “And trust me there are
plenty of those. What worries me is the
increase in teens that are using alcohol.
People don’t seem to be as worried about
it as they are about other drugs.”
The tik Victor was referring to is
methamphetamine, also known as crystal meth. In the Western Cape it is more
commonly known as tik and it has become a massive problem.
When it comes to drug abuse and alcohol abuse, alcohol is often seen as the
lesser of two evils. After all, the sale and
consumption of alcohol is not illegal. In
fact in South Africa, as in many countries, alcohol is a huge industry.
While alcohol is not illegal, its sale
and consumption is regulated by the National Liquor Act 59 of 2003. Part of this
act states that it is a criminal offence to
serve or sell alcohol to anyone under the
age of 18. Likewise it is also a criminal
offence for anyone under the age of 18 to
consume alcohol. If this is the case then
why is alcohol abuse on the increase
among teenagers?
“Because it’s so easy to buy alcohol,”
says Jerome*.
Jerome is 19 years old and lives in
Grassy Park near Cape Town. He has
been an alcoholic since the age of 15.
“I started drinking when I was 13,” Jerome says. “A lot of my friends smoked
dagga, tik, or white pipe (a mixture of
marijuana and mandrax). But I was determined that I wasn’t going to get involved with drugs.”
Instead Jerome turned to alcohol. At
first it was just beer, wine coolers and cider. Soon this was not enough.
“When I first started drinking two
beers would get me on a nice buzz,” says
Jerome. “But the more I drank the more
I had to drink to get my buzz.”
It wasn’t long before Jerome was into
spirits such as brandy and vodka.
“When I first started using hard tack
a couple of tots would get me drunk. By
the time I was 15 I was drinking between
one and two bottles of brandy or vodka a
day,” says Jerome.
At the age of 15 it was illegal for anyone to sell alcohol to Jerome. Nor could
he go into a venue that served alcohol.
So just how easy was it for him to get
hold of it.
“Very easy,” smiles Jerome. “Every
street in my area had at least one shebeen
or tuck-shop. They all sold alcohol and,
seeing that they were illegal in the first
place, they have no problem selling alcohol to anyone, no matter how old you
are.”
15
Ten Warning Signs of Alcoholism
1. Do you drink alone?
2. Do you lie about the amount of
alcohol you consume?
3. Has your toleration to alcohol
increased?
4. Do you drink much more than
your friends?
5. Do you drink first thing in the
morning to alleviate a hangover?
6. Do you consume more alcohol
than you used to?
7. Do you blackout while you
drink?
8. Do you often drink to calm your
nerves?
9. Do you suffer from alcohol related accidents or legal problems?
10.Is alcohol affecting relationships with loved ones?
16
A shebeen is an illegal tavern or drinking house that is common to both South
Africa and Ireland.
At the age of 16 Jerome was expelled
from school for repeated alcohol-related
offences. His parents kicked him out of
the house and he turned to petty crime
as a means to support his drinking habit.
“By the time I was 17 I realised that
I was an alcoholic,” says Jerome. “Not
that this stopped me from drinking. It
didn’t even slow me down.”
Unemployed, living on the streets, Jerome found that his abuse of alcohol was
leading him deeper and deeper into a pit
of self-destruction.
He had been arrested for theft and
housebreaking seven times, had ended
up in hospital on three occasions and had
been beaten up in fights more times than
he can remember.
Last year, after being released from
hospital for the third time, Jerome realised that he needed help. He booked
himself into rehab and, since then, he has
not touched a drop of alcohol. He now
has a job at a fast food outlet.
“People have the wrong idea about alcoholism,” says Jerome. “I’m not an exalcoholic. I’m still an alcoholic and will
be one for the rest of my life. It’s just that
at the moment I’m a dry alcoholic. I take
it one day at a time.”
Teens are also inventive when it comes
to ways of beating the system. Many of
them have fake identity documents.
Nearly every Friday and Saturday
night Angela* goes out to clubs. She admits that she often drinks far more than
is good for her. While in many ways this
is not healthy for her, it is not illegal. Nor
is it uncommon. Except for the fact that
Angela has only just turned 17.
“I’ve had a fake identity book since I
was 15,” she says. “And only one or two
of the clubs I’ve been to actually asked
me for ID.”
Not only is Angela committing the
crime of under-age drinking, she is also
committing the far more serious crime of
being in possession of false identity documents. What makes it even worse is the
fact that her mother is fully aware of it.
“Yes, I know she has a fake ID book,”
her mother, a 43-year-old divorcee, says.
“I don’t really have a problem with it.
At least she’s not drinking behind my
back.”
By law any club, bar or venue that
serves alcohol is not allowed to grant
entry to anyone under the age of 18. Let
alone sell them alcohol. Yet many of
them turn a blind eye to the law.
Shaun* is a bouncer at a popular Cape
Town nightclub. Part of his job as door
security is to ensure that no-one under
the age of 18 is allowed to enter the
premises. If he is unsure of the age of a
person wishing to gain entry he has to
ask them for identity. Should they not be
able to provide this or if he suspects that
the identity document is fake, he has the
right to refuse them entry. Yet he is well
aware that many of the patrons allowed
entry are under the age of 18.
“Let’s face it pal, our club is a business and as a business we need to make
money to survive,” explains Shaun. “We
do charge a small entry fee, but let’s be
honest, our main source of income is
from the sale of alcohol. Just count how
many other clubs are in this area and
we’re all competing.”
According to Shaun he often allows
entry to people he knows full well are
under 18. There is a catch however.
“Only if they’re female,” he says.
Shaun says that there are a number of
reasons for this. First of all with the right
clothes and a bit of make-up a 14 or 15
year old girl can easily pass for being 18.
An even bigger factor is that if there are
girls in the club this will attract guys. The
maths are pretty easy to do - more girls =
more guys = more business.
“Young girls are also better behaved
than the young guys,” Shaun says. “A lot
of guys tend to get stupid when they’ve
had a bit to drink. It seems to make them
think they can take on the world. They
17
often want to start fights, even with the
bouncers.”
While Shaun knows that what they
are doing is illegal and even immoral he
says that most of the clubs do it.
Besides the legalities of under-age
drinking there are other factors that need
to be taken into account. Alcohol abuse
can lead to both short-term and longterm effects.
The long term effects can include an
increased risk of developing alcoholism,
cardiovascular disease, malabsorption,
chronic pancreatitis, alcoholic liver disease, and cancer. Damage to the central
nervous system and peripheral nervous
system can also occur. Long-term use in
excessive quantities is capable of damaging nearly every organ and system in
the body.
Short-term effects include the stages
of euphoria, lethargy, confusion, stupor,
coma or even death. Each of these stages
carries negative side effects.
A BAC (Blood/Alcohol Conent) of
0.03% to 0.12% can cause euphoria. Side
effects can include increased self-confidence, increased sociability, shortened
18
attention span, impaired judgement, and
impaired fine muscle coordination.
In a state of euphoria we will often
say and do things that we would never
normally do. It may seem like a perfectly good idea to pick a fight with a very
large biker called ‘Killer’, or seem logical to have unprotected sex with a total
stranger.
Lethargy (BAC of 0.09% to 0.25%)
can cause impaired memory and comprehension, delayed reactions, blurred
vision, and ataxia (a condition where the
balance is affected).
Confusion (BAC of 0.18% to 0.30%)
will often lead to impaired senses, increased ataxia, dizziness, and vomiting.
Stupor (BAC of 0.25% to 0.40%) can
be deadly. It can lead to unconsciousness
(blackouts), anterograde amnesia, respiratory depression, decreased heart rate,
and pulmonary aspiration (choking on
your own vomit).
Janine* was 16 when she attended
a beach party with some of her school
friends. She admits that she became so
drunk that she passed out. Six weeks later she was shocked to discover that she
was pregnant.
“To this day I still do not know who
the father is,” she says. “I don’t remember a thing and I’m not even sure whether I was conscious or unconscious when
I had sex.”
The coma stage (BAC of 0.35% to
0.50%) can often be fatal. Most deaths
from alcohol poisoning are caused by
dosage levels in this range.
Many teens readily admit that when
they drink their aim is to get drunk or
at least get tipsy. The problem is that
once you reach a state of euphoria your
judgement is impaired and it’s difficult
to know when to stop.
The problem of under-age drinking is
not a new one. Nor is it one that is going
to go away in a hurry. The only thing that
has changed over the years is that teens
are becoming more brazen about drinking.
While there are laws in place to regulate under-age drinking far too many
South Africans have little respect or regard for the law. And many laws are not
enforced that well. Perhaps it’s time to
crack down on those that serve or sell
alcohol to minors. It’s not enough to
just charge them or revoke their liqueur
licence, perhaps they need to do some
time behind bars.
We know that nothing we say will
make you stop having a drink if you’re
under-age. But just remember that the
next time you get hammered, the next
hammer could be the one that knocks the
nails into your coffin. Think about it.
* Names have been changed on request. n
19
Hipe! feature
M
Even though most of
Hipe’s readers weren’t
even born in the
1980’s, this was a
decade that produced
some of the best
music ever. And good
music remains good
music. That is probably why so many hits
of that decade can
still be heard today.
We’ve compiled a list
of essential 80’s music
for your collection.
Click on any song
to listen to it.
any of our writers are still
in their teens. So it was a bit
surprising to hear a group of
them sitting and having an animated
debate about 80’s music. After all,
they weren’t even born yet.
Good music, however, is good music and it’s timeless. So they decided
to come up with a list of songs from
the 80’s that they say are essential for
every music collection.
This is the play list they came up
with, plus a bit of info on each song.
See if you agree with their list.
The list is in alphabetical order and
not order of preference or popularity.
Click on the title of a song to listen
to it.
99 Red Balloons
Nena
When it was released in 1983 the
original song was sung in German
and titled Neunundneuzig Luftballons
(or 99 Luftballons). It went straight to
#1 in West Germany. The song was
a Cold War protest song. Nena then
recorded an English version, 99 Red
Balloons - even though the German
title does not mention the colour of the
balloons. The English version topped
the UK singles chart.
Another Brick In The Wall (Part II)
Pink Floyd
British band Pink Floyd reached
#1 in many countries. It was the first
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hit off The Wall album and the album
was later filmed as a movie starring Bob Geldorf.
Beds Are Burning
Midnight Oil
Released on the 1988 album
Diesel And Dust, it did not do
that well on the charts, reaching
only #6 in the UK and #17 in the
US. Yet it was probably the best
song by Australian group Midnight Oil and it went down well
in South Africa where it reached
#1 on the local charts.
Bette Davis Eyes
Kim Carnes
This could have become a hit for
Kim Carnes nearly a decade earlier
than it did. The song was written by
Jackie DeShannon and Donna Weiss
back in 1974. Carnes, however, originally rejected the song. It was only
after a new instrumental arrangement
was done in 1981 by Bill Cuomo that
Carnes agreed to record it. And it became a huge hit for her. The real Bette
Davis admitted to being a fan of the
song.
Billie Jean
Michael Jackson
Off the 1982 album Thriller (the
biggest selling album of all time), this
was a song about a girl who claimed
the Jackson was the father of her
child.
Jackson based it on a woman that
used to stalk
him, writing
him
letters
about his socalled son.
Blasphemous Rumours
Depeche Mode
Released in October 1984, this
became the group’s 12th UK single. What also makes it interesting was that when it was released
both the A and B sides of the single became hits. Somebody, the B
side track, was also the first single
with Martin Gore doing lead vocals.
Buffalo Soldier
Bob Marley
The album Legend, released in
1984, was probably one of the most
successful reggae albums ever. Buffalo Soldier was one of the singles
from this album. The Buffalo Soldiers
were a segregated regiment of black
cavalry fighters during the American
campaign to rid the West of “Indians”
so that “civilized” white people could
gain the lands used by Native Americans. Ironically, many of the soldiers
were slaves taken from Africa.
Celebration
Kool and the Gang
Off the 1981 album Celebrate, it
reached #1 in the US and #7 in the
UK. This post-Disco upbeat dance
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song was Kool and the
Gang’s only American #1.
It is commonly played at weddings, parties, sporting events and just
about anywhere there is something to
be celebrated.
interpreted songs ever. It is about an
obsessive stalker, but it sounds like
a love song. Some people even used
it as their wedding song. Sting wrote
it after separating from his first wife,
Frances Tomelty.
Don’t Dream It’s Over
Crowded House
Released in December 1986 it
reached #27 in the UK, #8 in Australia, #6 in Norway, #2 in the US
and #1 in Canada. This was the only
#1 single by Crowded House in any
country.
After the band split-up in 1996,
Don’t Dream It’s Over re-entered
the UK charts and reached #25, two
places higher than its original peak in
1987.
Eye Of The Tiger
Survivor
Off the 1982 album Eye Of The Tiger, it reached #1 in the US and the
UK. It was written for the Sylvester
Stallone movie Rocky III. Stallone
loved the song. When he heard the
demo, he told the group it was exactly
what he was looking for, but requested
a mix with louder drums and asked if
they could write a fourth verse instead
of repeating the first as they had done.
The group did what Stallone suggested. They went about modifying the
first verse and remixed the song.
Electric Avenue
Eddie Grant
Off the 1982 album Killer On The
Rampage, Electric Avenue reached #2
in both the US and UK. Eddie Grant
was from Guyana and had a number
of pop and ska bands in Barbados and
England. His first band, The Equals,
had three Top 10 hits in England during the 1960s. They were the first
multiracial band to find success in the
UK.
Every Breath You Take
The Police
Off the 1983 album Synchronicity, it became a #1 hit in both the UK
and US. This is one of the most mis22
Final Countdown
Europe
Released in 1986, Final Countdown
went on to become a #1 hit in 26 countries and over eight million singles
were sold.
Footloose
Kenny Loggins
The original Footloose movie
stared Kevin Bacon in the role of a
teenager who moves to a small town
where dancing is illegal. Kenny Loggins sang the theme song of the same
name and it became his biggest hit and
only #1. Two years later he sang Dan-
ger Zone for the Top Gun soundtrack,
as well as I’m Alright for Caddyshack.
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Cyndi Lauper
This song went on to become an anthem for female attitude. Off the 1983
album She’s So Unusual it reached #2
in the UK and US. It was also Lauper’s first single as a solo artist after
she left Blue Angel.
I Want To Know What Love Is
Foreigner
Probably one of Foreigner’s best
and most well known songs, it hit #1
in both the UK and US. Radio stations
around the world still play this song
on a regular basis.
(I Had) The Time Of My Life
Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes
This was the finale song for the
1987 film Dirty Dancing. It reached
#8 on the UK charts, but made it to #1
on the US charts.
Janie’s Got A Gun
Aerosmith
This one just made it into the 80’s.
Off the 1989 album Pump it reached
#4 in the US but only managed to get
to #76 in the UK charts. Steven Tyler
wrote it after reading an article about
children who had been killed by guns.
Johnny Calls The Chemist
Falling Mirror
South African group Falling Mirror
had a hit with this
song that is loosely based around
singer
Neilen
Marais’ real life
obsession with a
girl who worked in
Wynberg Pharmacy,Cape Town in the
mid 80`s. A haunting song that was,
and still is, brilliant.
Like A Virgin
Madonna
Released in 1984, this was Madonna’s second album. The single, Like
A Virgin, reached the #1 spot on both
the UK and US charts. The album was
re-released in 1985 for the European
market with a bonus track – Into The
Groove.
Love Shack
B-52’s
Off their 1989 album Cosmic
Thing, this reached #2 on the UK
charts and #3 in the US. The group
also performed Love Shack as ‘Glove
Slap’ on an episode of The Simpsons.
The B-52’s also performed the
title to The Flintstones’ movie and
changed their name to the BC-52’s
for the song.
Manic Monday
The Bangles
Released in 1986 this was the first
hit single for The Bangles. Yet the
song was actually written in 1984 by
none other than Prince. He recorded
23
it as a duet on his Apollonia
6 album, but the song was
eventually pulled and not released.
Two year later Prince, using the
pseudonym Christopher, was trying
to date Bangles singer Susanna Hoffs.
He offered Manic Monday to them
and they jumped at the chance to record it. The song reached #2 in both
the UK and US record charts.
Never Gonna Give You Up
Rick Astley
Off the album Whenever You Need
Somebody, released in 1987, it went
to #1 in both the UK and US.
Rick Astley worked as a tape operator in Stock, Aitken and Waterman’s studio for two years, singing
on recordings for other singers, learning the trade and famously making
the tea, before the production trio
wrote and produced this song for him,
which became Astley’s first hit.
Nightshift
The Commodores
The Commodores released Nightshift in 1985 as a tribute to R&B musicians Marvin Gaye and Jackie Wilson, both of whom passed away in
1984. Just prior to the release of the
song Lionel Richie had left the Commodores to launch his solo career.
Nightshift won a Grammy in 1985
for best R&B performance by a duo
or group.
24
Safety Dance
Men Without Hats
Released in the US in 1982 and in
the UK in 1983, it reached #3 and #6
respectively. The music video for the
song was notable for its medieval imagery. The song was re-released three
times before it actually began to get
air time on radio stations.
Scatterlings Of Africa
Jaluka
Johnny Clegg and Sipho Mchunu
got together to form Jaluka, one of the
hottest local acts in the 80’s.
They would also become internationally famous and in France Clegg
was known as Le Blanc Zulu (The
white Zulu). In 2015 Clegg received
an OBE.
Slow Rain
Celtic Rumours
This Durban band had in lead singer Kevin van Staden a front man with
both a great rock voice and matinee
idol looks. Despite topping the charts
and touring incessantly the band
didn’t really make the great leap to
the next level and disintegrated in the
early 90’s.
Sadly, whilst working on his debut solo album, Kevin was tragically
killed in a car accident.
Stand And Deliver
Adam and The Ants
Stuart Leslie Goddard played bass
in a pub rock band called Bazooka
Joe. After this band headlined for
the Sex Pistols’ first concert, Stuart
quit Bazooka Joe with the intention
of starting his own band. He changed
his name to Adam Ant and launched
Adam and the Ants. Stand And Deliver was one of two #1 hits of the album
Prince Charming, released in 1981.
Summer Of ‘69
Bryan Adams
Released in 1984, this was one of
Bryan Adams’ most popular songs and
it has appeared on all of his compilation albums since then.
Many people believe that the title of
the song is a sexual reference, but according to Adams it has nothing to do
with that. He said that the song was all
about the year 1969.
Sweet Dreams
Eurythmics
Dave Stewart and Annie Lennox
wrote Sweet Dreams and it became
their signature song. Yet it only made
it to #2 on the UK charts and was their
only #1 ever on the US charts. This
was the song that provided the group
with their breakthrough to commercial success.
Taxi Man
eVoid
Formed in Brakpan in 1977, this
group went on to become popular.
Taxi Man and Shadows were probably
their two best known songs.
The Look
Roxette
Off the 1988 album Look Sharp
it made #1 in the
US but could only
get to #7 in the UK.
This was originally a hit in Roxette’s
native Sweden and became an international hit when an American exchange student returned from Sweden and urged the Minneapolis radio
station KDWB to play the song. Even
though it hadn’t yet been released in
the United States the song spread on
cassette copies to other American radio stations.
Total Eclipse Of The Heart
Bonnie Tyler
Off the 1983 album Faster Than
The Speed Of Night, this was a smash
hit for Tyler, reaching #1 in the UK
and US. It was written by Jim Steinman, who wrote all of Meat Loaf’s
hits, including Paradise By The Dashboard Light, Two Out Of Three Ain’t
Bad, and I’ll Do Anything For Love
(But I Won’t Do That). Like these
Meat Loaf songs, this uses elaborate
production and is very long, running
6:51 minutes long.
Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go
Wham
Off the 1984 album Make It Big,
this reached #1 in the UK and US.
Wham consisted of George Michael
(real name Georgios Panayiotou) and
25
Andrew Ridgeley. When
they eventually split, Michael went on to fame while
Ridgeley was soon forgotten.
What A Feeling
Irene Cara
Off the 1983 soundtrack to the film
Flashdance, it reached #1 in the US
and #2 in the UK. It also won the
1983 Grammy for Best Pop Vocal
Performance – female, and also won
an Oscar for Best Film Song.
We Built This City
Starship
Off the album Knee Deep In The
Hoopla, released in 1985, it made the
#1 spot in the US and #12 in the Uk.
This was the first single released under the name Starship. They were previously known as Jefferson Starship,
and before that, Jefferson Airplane.
When original member Paul Kantner left the group, Jefferson Starship
changed their name to Starship to
further distance themselves from Jefferson Airplane. At this point, Grace
Slick was the only original member.
It was written by Bernie Taupin and
became his first hit he wrote without
Elton John.
Weeping
Bright Blue
South African group Bright Blue
incorporated the strands of “Nkosi
Sikelel’ iAfrika” at a time when public performance of the ANC anthem
26
could lead to summary arrest.
However, the powers that be
seemed to notice neither the reference
to a banned tune nor that the song was
alledgedly about then State President
PW Botha and the state of emergency
that he had imposed.
West End Girls
Pet Shop Boys
First released in 1985 on the album
Please, the song was recorded in one
take. The original did not do that well,
but did manage to get to #1 in Belgium. The song was then re-recorded
with Stephen Hague as the producer.
It then went to #1 on both the US and
UK charts.
When Doves Cry
Prince
Off the 1984 album Purple Rain,
it reached #1 in the US but peaked
at #4 in the UK. The song deals with
Prince’s feelings toward his parents
when he wondered if he was becoming like them. He calls his father “demanding” and mother “never satisfied.” He wrote it for his movie Purple
Rain.
There were many other great groups
and songs in the 1980’s. Why not
search the web and check some of
them out. This way you can build an
even bigger play list.
Hipe! how to...
CHEERS
& g’bye
S
ometimes it’s the little things
that can make a difference.
Let’s say you’re travelling or in
an area where English is not the first
language. And let’s say you need help
or information. Being able to speak a
few phrases of the local language will
often make the locals more inclined to
offer you assistance.
This is how you would say goodbye
in a number of languages. Next month
we’ll see how to do something different.
•
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•
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•
•
•
•
•
•
Afrikaans - totsiens
Arabic - ma`a as-salāma
Bosnian - zbogom
Chinese - zài jiàn
Croatian - zbogom
Czech - sbohem
Danish - farvel
Dutch - vaarwel
French - au revoir
German - auf wiedersehen
Greek – antío̱
So long, farewell,
auf wiedershen, au
dieu. This month we
learn to say goodbye.
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Hebrew - lehitra’ot
Hindi – namastē
Irish Gaelic - slán, slán go fóill
Italian – ciao
Japanese – sayōnara
Korean - ahn nyeong hee ga se yo
Malay - selamat tinggal
Maori - hei kona rā
Nigerian - sai wani lookachi
Norwegian – farvel
Polish - do zobaczenia
Portuguese - adeus
Russian - do svidaniya
Sotho – sala hantle
Spanish - despedida
Swahili – kwaheri
Swedish – adjö
Tamil – kuṭpa
Xhosa – hamba kakuhle
Zulu – hamba kahle
Chow for now. n
27
Hipe! the ryan murphy column
Murphy’s Law
A
Murphy spent a considerable part
of his career as a conflict journalist,
covering wars around the world. Yet
he still thinks that conflict journalism
is safer than driving around on South
African roads.
s a journalist I’ve been lucky
enough to travel extensively.
I’ve visited and worked in
most countries around the world. My
travels have included the continents of
Africa, Europe, North America, South
America, Middle East, Far East and
Australia.
Now I’m not trying to brag, show
off, or impress you with this information. All I’m attempting to do is let
you know that I am speaking from
personal experience when I say that
I think South Africans are the worst
drivers in the world. In fact I’ve felt
safer in some war zones than I do on
South Africa’s roads. And let me assure you that I don’t make this statement lightly.
On my travels I’ve seen some pretty outrageous drivers. In the Middle
East, for example, I’m convinced that
if you took their hooters away from
them they wouldn’t be able to drive.
The policy there seems to be that as
long as your hooter is working then
you vehicle is roadworthy.
28
And the Italians are not far behind
them, especially in Rome. Driving in
Rome is not for the fainthearted. Everyone drives at high speed; everyone
seems to have the right of way; and
then there are the scooters.
In Rome you can drive any scooter
you want, as long as it’s a Vespa. They
dart in and out of traffic, stop wherever they feel like it, and seem to have
no problem driving on the pavement.
But none of them come close to
good old South Africa. Driving like
lunatics seems to be a national sport
in South Africa. Driving at speeds way
over the limit, a lack of consideration
for other road users, a total disregard
for traffic signs, ignorance of the rules
of the road - and these are just the lawabiding drivers. Let’s not even talk
about the really bad drivers.
Let’s look at some very basic rules
of the road and how the average South
African driver interprets them.
Drive within the speed limits.
You must be joking. No matter what
you drive you’ve got to drive it as fast
as it will go. What’s the point of having a car that can do 220 km/ph if you
only drive it at 120? And anyway,
speed limits are for other people.
way. This is a good way to see who
has the strongest nerves.
Switch your lights on from sunset to
sunrise or in bad weather.
Why should I put my lights on if I
can still see the road? Working lights
on a car are an optional extra anyway.
And when you do decide to switch
your lights on at night, make sure that
they’re on high beam - all the time.
Obey all traffic signs.
Traffic signs are just a waste of
money. No-one really pays much attention to them. The red one with the
world ‘STOP’ means that you should
maybe slow down a little. Yield signs
don’t mean a thing. And if you’re
All jokes aside though, South Afriat a traffic light and it turns red that cans are inconsiderate and aggressive
means at least another three cars can drivers on their good days.
go through.
A few days ago I was at our local
service station-cum-Quickshop. As I
Keep to the left and pass on the was pulling out a man came out of the
right.
shop and climbed into his car, which
Nah, how stupid can you be. You was parked in the disabled parking
travel in the right hand lane - the fast bay.
lane. The left hand lane is for trucks
Even though it was dark and rainand old ladies.
ing, he didn’t bother to put his lights
If anyone in front of you in the fast on. Then he drove out, went straight
lane isn’t going fast enough for you through a stop sign without even slowthen drive as close behind them as you ing down, turned without indicating
can and hoot and flash your lights. If and drove off at high speed. He wasn’t
they don’t move across to the slow wearing a seat belt and was talking on
lane quick enough for your liking then his cellphone.
overtake them on the left. Remember
I followed him for awhile and he
to shake your fist at them and swear as overtook three cars on the left, overyou pass them.
took another two cars across a solid
white line, and drove fast.
Yield when entering a traffic circle
The sad thing about it was that he
and give way to the right.
was driving a Metro police car and
Are you mad? Traffic circles are like was dressed in a traffic cop’s uniform.
a big game of chicken. You approach We don’t have to obey the law - we
a traffic circle as fast as you can be- are the law.
cause you’ve always got the right of
Go figure. n
29
Hipe! food
Tony’s Top Tips
Chef Tony Zola dishes up some advice.
I
Choco-licious
t’s that time of the year when eating turns from feeding your empty
tummy, to regularly feasting on all
the good stuff the winter menu has on
offer. Lets face it, it’s much nicer to
sip on a hot cup chocolate with something delightful to nibble on than going for a jog in the rain.
The challenge is to keep the ‘winter’ balance and try and create healthy
new seasonal habits that still feels
good. Go easy on the starch and carbs
as you are not as active as in summer.
Cut down on sugar in all forms of food
and drink as this is an easy way to start
gaining weight overnight. Try new
recipes that has a lot of veggies and is
rather saucy than oily. Eat big meals
over lunch rather than supper.
Finish it off with some new ‘healthier’ hot chocolate cups!
Hot chocolate with ginger
Ingredients
1/3 cup fresh pealed and chopped ginger
one tablespoon of brown sugar
2 tablespoons of water
4 cups of low fat milk ( just to be difficult)
one cup of grated dark chocolate
Make it
Combine the first three ingredients
in a saucepan and cook over medium
heat.
Stir until sugar dissolves. Remove
from heat. In another saucepan, heat
milk and chocolate until foam starts to
form around the edges. Take of heat
and whisk in ginger broth. Pour in
small soup bowls and enjoy!
Mallow choc cup
Ingredients
4 cups of full cream milk
2 tablespoons of hot chocolate
30
packet of mini-marshmallows
1/2 cup grated dark chocolate
Make it
Heat all in saucepan on medium.
Bring to just before boil and take of
heat. Whisk in the hot chocolate until
it is mixed well.
Pour into mugs, add a handful of minimarshmallows and then sprinkle with
some grated dark chocolate.
Cinnamon choc cup
Ingredients
4 cups of full cream milk
2 tablespoons of cocoa
1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon
pinch of nutmeg
pinch of salt
4 cinnamon sticks
Make it
Heat all in saucepan on medium. Bring
to just before boil and take of heat.
Whisk until all spices have mixed in
well.
Pour into mugs, add sugar to taste and
stir with cinnamon stick.
31
Hipe! fashion
Fashion Faux Pas
N
By Fiona Taylor
ormally Hipe’s fashion section looks at what’s hot in the fashion world.
This month, however, we decided to look at fashion disasters. Make
sure you’re not guilty of any of these fashion violations.
Do me a favour. Dig out an old photograph album and look at some of the
fashions you wore a few years ago. Get my point? I can see the faces you’re
pulling. Whatever possessed you to dress like that, you may well ask.
All of us, at some stage, have been guilty of fashion disasters. But committing these crimes after the age of 15 is just not on. It’s time to see just what is
acceptable in the fashion circles – and what’s not.
If you find yourself hanging your head in shame and cringing when you read
this, fear not. They’re all easy problems to eliminate once you discover you’re
in violation.
It won’t take too much work and you’ll be able to slip under the radar of the
fashion police.
Visible Bra Straps
While bras can be very sexy, one
should always remember that they are
undergarments. They are also known
as underclothes or underwear. Kindly
take note of the word ‘under’. These
are garments that were made to be
worn under clothes.
Backless dresses and halter tops
with visible bra straps are just not on
ladies. Keep your straps properly adjusted and don’t let them peek out on
purpose or by accident.
If you’re wearing a dress or top with
spaghetti straps, then consider wearing a strapless bra.
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Visible Panty Lines
It’s not enough that your bra strap
hangs out for the world to see, now
you go and make the mistake of VPL
(also known as visible panty lines).
If your panties are shifting in any
way, the whole word will know it.
Panty lines often make it looks as if
you’ve got three or four butts. And no,
it doesn’t look sexy in the least.
The only way to avoid panty lines,
and their consequences, is to invest in
a good thong. And remember, thongs
don’t have to be uncomfortable, especially if they’re made of cotton.
Low Rise Jeans
Low rise jeans are a huge improvement from jeans that cover the belly
button, but many women resort to
this bad fashion move as an excuse to
show the world a bit too much.
Some women’s jeans are low
enough to make a plumber blush.
There’s nothing sexy about this look.
Guys love to try and guess what colour panties a girl is wearing. You’re
taking all the fun out of it.
Remember these two fashion phrases: Less is more and crack is whack.
33
Mom’s Jeans
These are scary to say the least.
“Mom” jeans, for those of you who
don’t know, are jeans that sit far too
high on the waist and then taper in at
the legs.
They’re called mom jeans because
many older women tend to wear them.
Let’s be honest. They’re not very flattering for your waist or butt, because
you lose proportion and balance.
Even if you are slightly advanced in
age, don’t be scared to try a current
style of jeans. They can only look better than Mom jeans. You don’t have
to get a pair of low rise jeans. In fact,
stay away from them at all costs. Just look for a pair that sits below your belly
button and are slightly flared or boot leg.
White Bra with Light Top
This is a mistake many women make
- wearing a white bra under a white or
light-coloured top. They think that it
will not show through, but it does.
White bras are usually so visible
you may as well be wearing a red
or black one. Instead of a white bra,
choose a nude or tan colour that closely matches your skin tone.
It’s as easy as that.
Shoes you can’t walk in
You see them all too often. The
girl with the huge stilettos, wobbling
down the street, trying to maintain her
balance. Instead of looking sexy, they
end up looking silly.
If shoes are awkward or uncomfortable, don’t buy them. It’s as simple
as that. Even if you’re buying them
for a once-off special event, don’t.
Get something with more walkingfriendly heels. Kitten heels are hot at
the moment and you’ll be able to walk
down the street without looking like a
refugee clown from the circus.
Chipped Nail Polish
Chipped nail polish looks tacky
both on your nails and toenails. If you
think people don’t notice, they do.
And if you’re doing it to be trendy,
get out the nail polish remover immediately. To limit the time you’ll need
for nail polish maintenance, choose a
quality brand of polish, and don’t forget to put on a clear top coat.
Also, invest in nail polish remover for those times you don’t feel like repolishing.
There you have it ladies. Seven fashion blunders you should avoid like the
plague.
With just a little effort, you can end up looking sexy and sophisticated. Remember, clowns look good, but only in a circus.
If we promise that we won’t tell anyone you’re guilty of any of these ten
fashion disasters, you have to promise us to never violate them again! n
34
35
Hipe! music 101
One-hit Wonders
All of these artists have had hits. Yet for most of them their firsts hit
was also their last hit. Here are some of the so-called ‘One-Hit Wonders’.
I
t seems that every year we have
at least one artist or group that
springs up from nowhere and has
a massive hit song. We all listen to the
song constantly, everyone knows the
lyrics, and we all just have to own a
copy of it.
36
Yet six months later they have disappeared off the charts, hardly anyone plays the song anymore and in a
year’s time few people will remember
them. These are artists and groups that
have become ‘one-hit wonders’. Let’s
look at a few of them over the years.
The Divinyls were an Australian
group that had a big hit with I Touch
Myself in 1990. The song became
popular once again when it was featured in the first Austin Powers movie
in 1997.
Released in September 1988, Don’t
Worry Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin became the first a cappella song
to reach number one on the Billboard
Hot 100 chart.
Anarcho-punk
band
Chumbawamba had a career that spanned
more than three decades. Yet there
only big hit was the catchy
Tubthumping.
Dexys Midnight Runners have been around
since 1978 and they’re
still going. They’ve had
reasonable success, but
only one major hit -
Come On Eileen back in 1982.
Despite being listed inside some
“worst songs ever” list, Who Let The
Dogs Out by Baha Men was the Top
UK single of 2000.
We’re Not Gonna Take It was released by American heavy metal band
Twisted Sister in 1984. While the
group had a loyal following, this song
was also a commercial hit.
The Vapors were a New Wave and
power pop band from England that
existed between 1979 and 1981. They
had their only hit in 1980 with Turning Japanese.
Pop Muzik was a 1979 hit song
by M, a project by Robin
Scott. Although Scott’s career lasted longer than four
decades, Pop Muzik is the
song that will always be remembered.
Suzi Quatro has been around since
1966 and she had numerous hits including the likes of Can The Can
(1973), 48 Crash (1973), and The
Race Is On (1978). Chris Norman
was the lead singer of Smokie, a very
successful group with a number of
hits including Living Next Door To Alice. In 1978 Quatro and Norman got
together to record Stumblin’ In. It
was a huge hit and their only hit duet.
Buster Poindexter was the alter
ego of New York Dolls frontman David Johansen. Hot Hot Hot was a single off his 1987 album Buster Poindexter and it went on to become a big
hit.
99 Luftballons (German for “99
Balloons”) is a protest song by the
German band Nena from their 1983
self-titled album. A year later they released the song in English, titled 99
Red Balloons. It was this version of
the song that went on to become an
international hit for the group.
Play That Funky Music by Wild
Cherry hit number one on the Billboard Hot 100 on September 18, 1976
and was also number one on the Hot
Soul Singles chart.
In 1987 a group called The Firm
recorded a song called Star Trekkin’.
They sent copies of the single to UK
radio stations, with the studio’s phone
number on them. One Liverpool radio
station played the song and it quickly became a hit in the UK and then
spread to the USA.
Spanish pop duo Los del Rio
formed in 1962. It was only 32
years later, in 1994, when they released the album A Mi Me Gusta
that they would enjoy a world-wide
hit. Macarena was a hit in 1995, 1996
and 1997. It was probably the greatest
one-hit wonder ever.
These are but a few of the one-hit
wonders over the years. Hope you enjoyed them and maybe even heard a
song or two that you’ve never heard
before.
Next month, Women’s Month,
we’re going to look at some of the
best-selling female artists of all
time. n
37
dance like this, she makes a man want
to see spandex
I never really knew that she could
dance like this, she makes a man want
to speak Spanish
Shakira – Hips don’t lie
Arthur he does as he pleases, All of his on the wheel
life, he’s mastered choices
I’ve been drivin’ all night, my hand’s
Christopher Cross - Arthur’s Theme
wet on the wheel
Golden Earing - Radar Love
Shave tonight before the break of
dawn come tomorrow, tomorrow it’s I’ll get him high, show him other guys
fully grown
I’ll get him hot, show him what I’ve
Save tonight and fight the break of got
dawn, come tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll Lady Gaga - Poker Face
be gone
Eagle Eye Cherry - Save Tonight
Never let it be said, the Roman’s are
dead
Southern girl with the sky-lit bra
Let it never be said, The Romance is
Southern girl with the scarlet drawl
dead
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Scar Tisue
Kaiser Chiefs - Ruby
Wake me up and throw your cocoa
Wake me up before you go go
Wham – Wake me up before you go go
I wanna be your space rider
I wanna be your sledgehammer
Peter Gabriel - Sledgehammer
Is this a zit? Please let me know.
If this is it... Please let me know.
Huey Lewis & The News – If This Is It
Kick her teeth out, tell me what’s
wrong...
Chiquitita, tell me what’s wrong...
Abba - Chiquitita
The only boy who could ever teach me
was the son of a pizza man
The only boy that could ever reach me
was the son of a preacher man
Dusty Springfield - Son of a Preacher
Man
I’m gonna shoot my woman, I’m gonna mess around with another man.
I’m gonna shoot my woman, I caught
her messing around with another man.
Jimi Hendrix – Hey Joe
Hipe! entertainment
Say What?
We all love to sing along with our favourite song. But are you sure
you’re singing the right words?
W
e asked our readers the
above question. Are you
singing the correct lyrics to
a song. Or do you sometimes mishear
what the actual words are?
We received nearly 500 e-mails
with some results that left us screaming with laughter. Here are just a few
examples of misheard lyrics.
What we’ve done is given the line
people thought they heard (in blue),
the real line to the song, the artist/
group and the name of the song. Enjoy.
In your bed, in your bed. Gumby,
Gumby, Gumby.
Kicking your cat all over the place
In your head, in your head. Zombie, Kicking your can all over the place
Zombie, Zombie.
Queen – We will rock you
Cranberries - Zombie
So you think you’re a rodeo ...
You and me, my apartheid lover
So you think you’re a romeo....
You and me, my part time lover
Supertramp - Take the long way home
Stevie Wonder – Part-time Lover
Flying dentures in the air
You give love a bandaid
The foulest stenches in the air
You give love a bad name
Michael Jackson - Thriller
Bon Jovi – You give love a bad name
Arthur he does as he pleases, All of his
I never really knew that she could life, he’s messed his pants up
38
There’s a wino down the road
And as we wind on down the road
Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven
Stab in the liver, your mummy or your
wife
Stand and deliver, your money or your
life
Adam and the Ants - Stand and Deliver
ala mode let the rhythm take you over
ala mode.
Bailamos let the rhythm take you over
bailamos.
Enrique Iglesias - Bailamos
Do you wanna buy a kite.
You’re one of my kind.
INXS – I Need You Tonight
Get on at the bus stop, Don’t stop till
you’re getting off
I’ve been drivin’ all night, I just wet Keep on with the force (don’t stop),
39
Don’t stop till you get enough
You gotta have cake
Michael Jackson – Don’t Stop ‘Til You You gotta have faith
Get Enough
Limp Bizkit - Faith
There’s an old man sitting next to me,
Making love to his tiny man Jim.
There’s an old man sitting next to me,
Making love to his tonic and gin.
Billy Joel - Piano Man
And this song feels sad for you.
And the sun will set for you.
Linkin Park - Shadow of the Day
Like a virgin touched for the thirtyfirst time.
Your cat can’t pee in your penthouse.. Like a virgin touched for the very first
You cant plant me in your penthouse.. time.
Elton John – Goodbye Yellow Brick Madonna - Like A Virgin
Road
I shot Sherry But I did not shoot him
When you lick me in the eyes
dead, you see
When you look me in the eyes
I shot the sheriff But I did not shoot
Jonas Brothers - When You Look Me the deputy
in the Eyes
Bob Marley - I Shot The Sheriff
I’m gonna get dressed for some sex.
I’m gonna get dressed for success.
Roxette - Dressed For Success
The land lord says your rent is late, He
may have to lift the gate, Don’t worry,
be happy
The land lord says your rent is late, He
Oh, Chris de Burgh, Chris de Burgh, may have to litigate, Don’t worry, be
Save us all, tell me life is beautiful
happy
Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball, Save us Bobby McFerrin - Don’t Worry, Be
all, tell me life is beautiful
Happy
Keane - Crystal Ball
So come on, come on, swim the local
I’m hitting all the people
ocean with me
Imagine all the people
So come on, come on, do the locomoJohn Lennon - Imagine
tion with me
Kylie Minogue - Locomotion
Walking on broken backs
Walking on broken glass
It’s like radiation on your wedding day
Annie Lennox - Walking on broken It’s like rain on your wedding day
glass
Alanis Morissette - Ironic n
40
Take a different look at a career...
... as a cyber
journalist
Every month hundreds of new magazines and newspapers are
going online and they all need content. They need someone to write
articles and many of them will pay you for it.
Hipe Magazine is offering a three-month online journalism course
where we will show you how to write the type of articles that people
want to read and magazines want to buy.
And best of all the course is 100% free.
Do you think you have what it takes to
become a cyber journalist?
It’s a perfect way to earn a little extra or even
as a new career.
Hipe!
On-line
journalism
For more INFORMATION send us an
e-mail at editor@hipe.co.za with the heading
‘cyber journalist’ and we will send you all the
details.
Hipe! top 10
THE TOP 10
MUSICAL Movies
Keeping with the music theme of this month we asked RYAN
MURPHY for his personal list of best musical movies. This is what
we got.
“Most of these movies were made before I was born,” he says.
“But damn, they’re still good movies.”
Click on the box covers to see the movie trailer.
West Side Story (1961)
The Jets and the Sharks two rival gangs in Manhattan are involved in a turf war.
Tony (Richard Beymer), a co-founder of the Jets
falls in love with Maria (Natalie Wood) who is the
younger sister of Bernado’s, the Sharks leader.
Mary Poppins (1964)
Set in Edwardian London Marry Poppins (Julie Andrews) takes on a job as a nanny to George Bank’s
two children Jane and Michael. But Mary is no ordinary nanny. She has magical powers and together
with her friend, cockney jack-of-all-trades Bert
(Dick van Dyke) she turns the lives of the Bank’s
family upside down.
42
The Sound Of Music (1965)
Maria (Julie Andrews) is studying to be a nun. The
Mother Abbess sends Maria to be the governess to
the seven children of widower Captain von Trapp
(Christopher Plummer). He is a strict former military man who believes children should be seen and
not heard. Can Maria win the captain and his children over. Based on a true story.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)
Caractacus Potts (Dick van Dyke) is a widower
with two children Jeremy and Jemima. Sharing the
house with them is Grandpa Potts (Lionel Jeffries).
Through the two children Caractacus meets Truly
Scrumptious (Sally Ann Howes). At the children’s
insistence he buys and old ex-racing car that he
repairs. But it is no ordinary car.
Oliver (1968)
A young orphan (Mark Lester) runs away from an
orphanage in London and teams up with a group of
young boys trained to be pickpockets. They are led
by The Artful Dodger (Jack Wild) and trained by
the elderly master pickpocket Fagin (Ron Moody).
Paint Your Wagon (1969)
Ben Rumson (Lee Marvin) finds a wrecked wagon containing a dead man and his surviving brother, Pardner (Clint
Eastwood). At the burial, they discover gold dust and stake
a claim. Soon a mining camp springs up but they have one
major problem – no women. A passing Mormon has two
wives and decides to sell one of them Ben buys Elizabeth
(Jean Seberg) and marries her. Then the fun really starts.
43
Hipe! gaming
Fiddler On The Roof (1971)
Budget Buys
Tevye (Chaim Topol) is a Russian Jew who lives in
the small community of Anatevka.
He has to put up with his wife Golde, his three
daughters, and a pogrom by the military.
A bitter-sweet comedy with some memorable
songs.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
Brad Majors (Barry Bostwick) and Janet Weiss (Susan Sarandon) are on their way to visit their old college professor they get lost and end up at a castle
owned by Dr. Frank N. Furter (Tim Curry). They
are invited to spend the night, a night they will
never forget, and Frank N. Furter shows them his
latest creation. He has build a man.
MATT O’BRIEN looks at a
cheaper option for gaming.
I
’ve been gaming since the early days
of computers and during that time
I’ve played a lot of really good games.
Yet lately games seem to be getting
more costly by the month. These days
you can pay anywhere from R300 to
R1000 for a new PC title. And often we
pre-order a game months before it is even
special of some sort. Often they will release it as a ‘Gold Edition’. So not only
do you get the original game, you get all
the DLC that followed it.
And best of all you’ll probably pay between R99 and R149 for the whole lot.
Suddenly gaming becomes affordable
again.
released.
Often we look at a game that’s received decent reviews and we’d like to
buy it. But we feel a little reluctant to fork
out R600 for the thing. And don’t forget
all the DLC that comes after it.
Yet there is a way around it. Just have
a little patience. When a new game is released it usually flies off the shelves as
everyone and their cousin has to own a
copy. Then, about six to eight months
later, they will normally release it as a
Look, I know that there are some
games that you just have to get the moment they’re released.
But for those others have a bit of patience, give it a few months, and then buy
the game and save a bundle of money.
You could end up with five or six good
games for the price of one game.
From September we will review a new
game and a budget game every month in
Hipe.
Grease (1978)
Sweet and innocent Australian exchange student
Sandy (Olivia Newton-John) has a summer romance
with Danny (John Travolta).
Then when the school term begins Danny find out
that Sandy is attending his school. Now his reputation as a leather-clad greaser is in danger.
Annie (1992)
Annie (Aileen Quinn) is an orphan at the Hudson
Street Orphanage. Annie and her dog Sandy end up
in the home of billionaire businessman Oliver Warbucks (Albert Finney). When she tells him the reason she was in the orphanage he offers a $50,000
reward if her parents are found. Miss Hannigan
and her con-artist brother want the money.
44
45
Hipe! scene & heard
This is snow joke
O
Matt O’Brien hits the snow slopes - in Cape Town
ne of my favourite ways of
avoiding tasks is to tell people
that I will do them when it
snows in Cape Town.
So when my editor told me that
I was going to do an article and go
snowboarding in Cape Town I began
to worry. My worry turned to panic
when he gave me a long list of tasks
that I had promised to do.
The snowboarding was at Grand
West Casino and Entertainment World
and was courtesy of Snow World. The
list of activities included:
• The Snow Box – Indoor Snow
Slope for Snow Boarding and
Snow Tubing.
• Three Solid Ice Slides - a circular
46
downward spiral, a ‘radical rollercoaster’ and a mini-slide for toddlers.
• Snow Play Area with Snowman
Building.
• Ice Bar and Lounge.
• Animals of the Ice Age Exhibition.
• Raised Viewing Deck Café Area.
• The Alpine Hospitality Village.
• Snow World Kids Party Zone.
One thing you need to remember take some warm clothes with you - it’s
freezing.
Not only was it entertaining, it was
educational as well. The Animals of
the Ice Age Exhibition was really interesting. I learnt a lot, including the
fact that I suck at snowboarding.
Snow World will be at Grand
West until the end of the month and I
strongly suggest that
you give it a visit.
You can find out
more details of prices
and opening times on
their website at www.
snowshow.co.za.
It’s good fun for
the entire family. n
47
Hipe! health
BOOST
your immune system
Beta-carotene
It’s the middle of winter and the last
thing you need is a cold or flu. This is
the perfect time to boost your immune
system and make sure you get the right
vitamins and minerals.
This is another vital antioxidant
that will help build your immune
system.
Get your beta-carotene from
carrots, hot chili, lettuce and
spinach.
By Gwyneth Bowman
Vitamin C
Not only is it a powerful antioxidant, it also increases the production
of white blood cells.
And these white blood cells, in
case you didn’t know, are your body’s
chief fighters against flu.
Get your vitamin C from citrus
fruit, green peppers, pineapples
and strawberries.
Vitamin B6
B6 is like the Chuck
Norris of infection
fighters.
Get your vitamin
B6 from bananas, carrots, lentils, seafood
and sunflower seeds.
48
Garlic
According to superstition,
wearing garlic around your neck
will keep vampires away.
Not sure about that, but garlic
increase the potency of the two
important elements of the immune system - T-lymphoctes and
macrophages.
Eat it raw or use it in cooking.
Just remember to use some mint
or mouthwash afterwards.
Zinc
Zinc is really good stuff. Not
only will it reduce the severity
of colds, it’s also great for your
hair, skin and nails.
Get your zinc from oysters,
lentils, lean beef, lamb, liver,
pumpkin and sesame seeds.
49
Hipe! sport
Ali - The Greatest
Jeff Milton pays tribute to the late Muhammad Ali.
H
e was born Cassius Marcellus
Clay, Jr on January 17, 1942,
in Louisville, Kentucky. He
would go on to become one of the
greatest boxers the world has ever
seen.
Clay began boxing at the age of 12
under Louisville police officer and
boxing coach Joe M. Martin. This was
after Clay’s bicycle was stolen and he
told the police officer (Martin) that he
was going to ‘whup’ the thief. Martin
then suggested that Clay learn how to
box first.
Clay made his amateur boxing debut in 1954. He won six Kentucky
Golden Gloves titles, two national
Golden Gloves titles, an Amateur
Athletic Union national title, and the
Light Heavyweight gold medal in the
1960 Summer Olympics in Rome.
Clay’s amateur record was 100 wins
with five losses.
Clay made his professional debut
on October 29, 1960, winning a sixround decision over Tunney Hunsaker. From then until the end of 1963,
Clay amassed a record of 19–0 with
15 wins by knockout.
Clay loved to taunt his opponents,
both in and out of the ring. Clay’s be50
havior provoked the ire of many boxing fans. He was given the nickname
“The Louisville Lip”.
By late 1963, Clay had become the
top contender for Sonny Liston’s title.
The fight was set for February 25,
1964, in Miami Beach. Clay was a 7–1
underdog. Despite this, Clay taunted
Liston during the pre-fight buildup,
dubbing him “the big ugly bear”. “Liston even smells like a bear”, Clay said.
“After I beat him I’m going to donate
him to the zoo.”
The result of the fight was a major
upset. Liston did not answer the bell
for the seventh round, and Clay was
declared the winner by TKO.
Soon after the Liston fight, Clay
changed his name to Cassius X Clay,
and then later to Muhammad Ali upon
converting to Islam and affiliating
with the Nation of Islam.
Ali then faced a rematch with Liston scheduled for May 1965 in Lewiston, Maine. He knocked out Liston
in the first round, the fight lasting only
two minutes.
Ali defended his title four times but
after Ali’s title defense against Zora
Folley on March 22, he was stripped
of his title due to his refusal to be
drafted to army service. His boxing
license was also suspended by the
state of New York. He was convicted
of draft evasion on June 20 and sentenced to five years in prison and a
$10,000 fine. He paid a bond and remained free while the verdict was being appealed.
On August 11, 1970, with his case
still in appeal, Ali was granted a license to box by the City of Atlanta
Athletic Commission. Ali’s first return
bout was against Jerry Quarry on October 26, resulting in a win after three
rounds after Quarry was cut.
Ali then beat Oscar Bonavena and
the win left Ali as a top contender
against heavyweight champion Joe
Frazier.
The fight took place on March 8,
1971 and was nicknamed the “Fight
of the Century” due to the tremendous excitement surrounding a bout
between two undefeated fighters,
each with a legitimate claim as heavyweight champions.
I was in standard six (grade eight)
at the time. We didn’t have television
in South Africa, so we were unable to
see the fight live. But I listened to it on
the radio and saw a movie of it about
a month later.
Frazier beat Ali on points, winning
a unanimous decision. It was Ali’s first
loss as a professional.
After the loss to Frazier, Ali fought
Jerry Quarry, had a second bout with
Floyd Patterson and faced Bob Foster
in 1972, winning a total of six fights
that year. In 1973, Ken Norton broke
Ali’s jaw while giving him the second
loss of his career. After initially seek51
RUMBLE IN THE
JUNGLE: The referee
sends Ali to a neutral
corner after he had
knocked Foreman
down in the eighth
round of their fight in
Kinshasa. Foreman
failed to beat the count
and Ali won on a knock
out.
ing retirement, Ali won a controversial decision against Norton in their
second bout, leading to a rematch at
Madison Square Garden on January
28, 1974, with Joe Frazier who had
recently lost his title to George Foreman. This time it was Ali that won
with the judges awarding Ali a unanimous decision.
The defeat of Frazier set the stage
for a title fight against heavyweight
champion George Foreman in Kinshasa, Zaire, on October 30, 1974—a
bout nicknamed “The Rumble in the
Jungle”.
Foreman was considered one of
the hardest punchers in heavyweight
history. In assessing the fight, analysts pointed out that Joe Frazier and
Ken Norton—who had given Ali four
tough battles and won two of them—
had been both devastated by Foreman
in second round knockouts.
Ali was 32 years old, and had clear52
ly lost speed and reflexes since his twenties. Contrary to his
later persona, Foreman was at the time a brooding and
intimidating presence. Almost no one
associated with the sport gave the former champion a chance of winning.
Ali opened the fight moving and
scoring with right crosses to Foreman’s head. Then, beginning in the
second round - and to the horror of
his corner - Ali retreated to the ropes
and invited Foreman to hit him while
covering up, clinching and counterpunching, all while verbally taunting
Foreman. The move, which would
later become known as the “Rope-adope”, violated conventional boxing
wisdom - letting one of the hardest
hitters in boxing strike at will.
Foreman, increasingly angered,
threw punches that were deflected and
did not land squarely. Midway through
the fight, as Foreman began tiring, Ali
countered more frequently and effectively with punches and flurries,
which electrified the pro-Ali crowd.
In the eighth round, Ali dropped an
exhausted Foreman with a combination at center ring; Foreman failed to
make the count. Against the odds, and
amidst pandemonium in the ring, Ali
had regained the title by knockout.
In reflecting on the fight, George
Foreman later said: “I thought Ali was
just one more knockout victim until,
about the seventh round, I hit him hard
to the jaw and he held me and whispered in my ear: ‘That all you got,
George?’ I realized that this ain’t what
I thought it was.
I was in standard nine (grade 11) at
the time and can still remember sitting
with some friends and listening to the
fight via the radio. We couldn’t believe
that Ali had actually won the fight.
After he won the title for a second
time, Ali defended it three times before agreeing to a third match with Joe
Frazier. The fight was called “Thrilla
in Manila” and was held on October
1, 1975.
It was a tough fight with both fighters throwing everything they had. Frazier was cut over both eyes and in the
15th and final round he failed to answer the bell, giving Ali a win via a
TKO (technical knock out), although
Ali also looked out on his feet.
Ali defended his title another three
times before facing Ken Norton for a
third time. Ali won on a heavily contested decision, which was loudly
booed by the audience. Afterwards, he
announced he was retiring from box-
ing to practice his faith, having converted to Sunni Islam after falling out
with the Nation of Islam the previous
year.
Ali returned to the ring in May 1977
and he beat Alfredo Evangelista. In
his next fight he went up against Ernie
Shavers. Although he won the fight
Ali took a lot of punishment.
In February 1978, Ali faced Leon
Spinks for the world heavyweight
title. Ali lost by split decision. A rematch followed shortly thereafter in
New Orleans, which broke attendance
records. Ali won a unanimous decision in an uninspiring fight, making
him the first heavyweight champion to
win the belt three times.
Once again he announced his retirement but came out of retirement to
challenge Larry Holmes for the title
on October 2, 1980. Ali’s trainer Angelo Dundee finally stopped the fight
in the eleventh round, the only fight
Ali lost by knockout. Ali fought one
more fight after that, losing to Trevor
Berbick.
Ali was diagnosed with Parkinson’s
syndrome in 1984. He became a civil
rights activist and visited many countries around the world. In 1996, he had
the honour of lighting the flame at the
1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta,
Georgia.
Muhammad Ali died on June 3,
2016 from septic shock. The Greatest
was gone, but he will never be forgotten. n
53
Hipe! sport
The school of stimulant, steroid
and substance abuse
Performance enhancing substances have been around in sport for as
far back as anyone cares to remember. Yet one doesn’t expect to
find them in school locker rooms. We delve into the darker side of
school sports.
portsmen and women have always wanted to run faster, jump
higher and throw further than
anyone else. A fraction of a second
quicker, a few millimetres higher or
further can be the difference between
a world record and an ‘also ran’.
To help achieve this, sportsmen,
and their trainers, have never been
above finding methods of making this
happen – even if those methods are
not always legal. Drugs and medication are used as a means of stimulating performance and ability. Some of
these stimulants have proved so dangerous that they’ve resulted in death.
It therefore became necessary to introduce strict regulations banning certain medications in sport and in 1960 a
list of banned compounds was drawn
up. This list is constantly revised to
make provision for new preparations
that appear almost faster than they can
be banned.
It would take a book and not a mere
article to list the incidents where athletes have been stripped of titles,
banned for life, or even died as a re54
S
sult of taking performance enhancing drugs. Can anyone remember an
Olympic Games where there hasn’t
been at least one ‘doping scandal’?
Even though one cannot condone it,
one can almost understand it. Contrary
to popular belief, professional sport is
not a game; it is a multi-million dollar
business where the difference between
first and second place is reflected by
the number of noughts on the end of
the winner’s cheque.
Yet this should not be a problem on
the school fields of South Africa. After all they are not professional sportsmen or women; there are no vast sums
on money at stake. If anything they
should be playing for enjoyment or
school pride at most. This, however, is
not necessarily the case.
James Walker* completed his
schooling last year at a well known
and well respected school in Durban. He was an above average rugby
player, turning out for the school’s
2nd XV. Besides getting a good pass
mark at the end of the year, his main
ambition was to make the 1st XV as a
regular.
“The first team coach came to me
after practice one afternoon and said
that if I wanted to make the first team
I would have to bulk up a bit,” James
said. “He said that he could ‘organise’
something that would help.”
What the coach was referring to
were anabolic steroids. Although illegal and strictly banned as a sport
aid many players at all levels of sport
make use of them. They are hormones
related to the male hormone testosterone and can cause masculinisation in
female athletes, growth retardation in
children and infertility in men. They
can also cause liver damage and have
a detrimental effect on blood lipids
and the cardiovascular system, often
leading to high blood pressure and
heart attacks. Yet steroids can also increase muscle mass rapidly and this is
the reason why so many athletes use
them.
“I told the coach that there was no
way I was going to do steroids,” James
said. “He basically told me that there
was no way that I would make the first
team.”
James’ story is not an isolated one.
The abuse of performance enhancing substances at school level is not
Signs of possible performance drug misuse include:
Increased
Acne
Rapid changes
in body build
Breast changes Increased
Facial
(smaller for women)
weight gain (larger for men) aggression
55
uncommon in the least. Yet mention
this to any school authorities and they
become highly indignant, claiming
that their school would never stoop to
anything along those lines. In many
instances it is more a case of turning a
blind eye. After all, some schools take
their sport very seriously.
“They carry out random drug testing at all major sporting events,” said
a former teacher who did not wish to
be named. “If they did that at school
sports level the results would be very
interesting to say the least.”
While anabolic steroids are one of
the most abused drugs, they are not the
only one. Others include stimulants,
narcotic painkillers, beta-blockers and
sedatives, and diuretics.
Stimulants such as amphetamine,
fencamtin, prolintene, phendimetrzine,
ephedrine and even nicotine can enhance performance by stimulating the
nervous system. Cocaine, one of the
most addictive compounds known, is
the most dangerous drug in this group.
Many sportsmen confess to having
narcotic painkillers before a game if
they are carrying an injury. These can
include morphine-based compounds
as well as substances containing pethidine and codeine.
Beta-blockers and sedatives are
often used, illegally, in sports where
fine control is necessary. This could
include sports such as pistol shooting
or archery. It is also used by athletes
to calm pre-match nerves when they
are too tense.
Diuretics (dehydration tablets) are
used by certain sportsmen in order to
remain in a specific weight category
or to lower the concentration of other
banned substances in their urine to escape detection.
“The use of performance enhancing
drugs are far more common at schools
than people realise,” says Peter*, a
teacher at a Johannesburg high school.
“And I don’t think enough is being
done to prevent it.”
* Name changed on request. n
56
Hipe! sport
The remarkable Bill Payn
B
esides playing 59 games for
the Natal rugby team over a
period of 18 years, Bill Payn
also played two tests for the Springboks. Besides rugby, Payn also represented Natal at athletics, boxing,
cricket and baseball in 1956.
He was also known for his wit,
humour, intelligence, and his often
strange exploits. Such as the time he
ran the Comrades Marathon in 1922.
Now just finishing the marathon is a
feat in itself. Not only did Payn finish,
he finished in eighth place - and he ran
the entire race in rugby boots.
The night before the race Payn had
supper with his friend Arthur Newton. After a few stiff drinks Newton
persuaded Payn to run the Comrades
Marathon with him the following day.
Payn thought this was a good idea.
During the race, which was between Durban and Pietermaritzburg,
Bill Payn first stopped off at Hillcrest
where he had a breakfast of bacon and
eggs. At Botha Hill he shared a curried chicken casserole with a fellow
runner and old friend ‘Zulu’ Wade. At
Drummon the two of them went into a
pub to quench what Payn described as
a “terrible thirst” with a few beers and
to celebrate having reached the halfway mark of the race.
Wade did not leave the hotel, but
Payn hit the road and set off to finish the race. He drank a tumbler of
peach brandy offered to him by a little
old lady next to the road near Pietermaritzburg, and as he entered the city
he darted off to have tea and cake with
his wife’s family at the roadside.
Despite all the breaks he took along
the way, Payn still finished in eighth
position. He had done no training for
the race, relying entirely on his rugby
fitness. And it must be remembered
that he ran the entire race in rugby
boots. His good friend Arthur Newton
won the race.
Then, with his feet covered in blisters, he had a good night’s rest before
running out in a club match for his
rugby team the next day. n
57
Hipe! short story
When the nerd turns
Tony Cooper was a nerd. A geek who spent most of his life
playing video games. Yet every geek has his day.
58
BY MATT TENNYSON
L
ast week was a busy one for me.
On Monday I took part in Operation Firestorm as part of the United States Marine Corps task force. The
battle took place around the Azadegan
oil field, in Iran.
During this battle I killed 28 Russian
soldiers. One of them I shot through the
head with a sniper’s rifle from a distance
of over one kilometre.
On Monday night I was at war again.
This time I was flying a Russian Su-34
Fighter-bomber. Once again I proved
myself the undisputed king of the air,
shooting down five American planes
and three helicopters. I also took out a
number of tanks.
Tuesday saw me winning both the
World Formula-One Championships
and the World Rally Title.
On Wednesday I saved New York
City from being wiped out by a nuclear
device. It was a close thing and I had to
escape from CIA custody to do it.
Thursday was hectic. My cousin’s
taxi cab business was firebombed and
I started doing work for both the Russian mafia and a Jamaican drug dealer
named Little Jacob.
Friday saw me win 17 gold medals
and break six Olympic records and two
world records at the London Olympic
Games. I spent most of the weekend
saving a planet from alien invasion.
Now before you start thinking that it’s
time for the men in white coats to come
and take me away for an extended holiday in a room with padded wallpaper,
let me explain.
All of the above happened in video
games. My name is Tony Cooper, I’m
31 years old, and I’m a gaming nerd. In
fact look up the word nerd in the dictionary and you’ll probably find a photograph of me there.
I guess I’ve always been a nerd. I’ve
always been painfully thin. In fact if I
stood sideways and stuck out my tongue
I looked like a zip. I have the kind of
face that only a mother could love, and
even she finds it difficult. The glasses
with lenses that resembled the bottom of
a Coke bottle don’t do much to help.
At the age of 31 I’ve only even been
out on one date with a female. It was at
my matric dance and I’m still not sure
that I can count it as a proper date. After
we had been at the dance for about 20
minutes the girl that I was with said she
needed to go to the toilet. I never saw
her again. Someone told me that she had
left with another guy.
It’s not that I don’t like females. I love
them. It’s just that they don’t seem to
like me. I find it difficult to even get a
girl to talk to me, let alone go on a date
with me.
So I’ve become rather addicted to
video games. I’ve got a PC with heaps
of Ram and the best graphics card money can buy. I also own a PS3 XBox 360
and a Wii. I doubt that there is a game
that I haven’t played.
I run my own company from home.
It’s called ‘Cooper Graphics’ and, as
you can probably tell by the name, it’s a
graphics design company. I am not only
the managing director of the company, I
59
am also the sole employee.
I make enough money to get by on.
Not that it’s necessary. When my parents died they left me the house and a
fairly large trust fund. The trust pays
me a monthly allowance which is large
enough to mean that I don’t really have
to work. I’m not rich by any means, but
I get by.
Working from home, in front of a
PC, means that I get more gaming time
than most. In fact the vast majority of
my time is spent playing video games.
Sometimes I play by myself but more
often than not I’m online.
It was around 9.30 pm on a Friday
night. While most single guys my age
would be at a club somewhere trying to
chat up women, I was at home in front
of my computer.
I was online, involved in an intense
game of Battle Field 3. The team I was
in had the upper hand and, as per usual,
I had the highest score of any player. I
may be useless in just about everything,
but when it comes to gaming few people
can touch me.
There was a sniper somewhere up in
the hills and he was causing havoc with
our players. I was busy slowly working
my way around the hill, keeping out of
his line of sight. If I could get behind
him I could take him out. Perhaps even
with a knife. Then I could claim his dog
tags.
I almost jumped out of my chair when
my doorbell rang. Few people ring my
doorbell and especially not at 9.30 at
night. I put the game on pause and hur60
ried off to see who it was at the door.
Imagine my surprise when I opened
the door and was confronted by a female. And I might add that she was a
very attractive female.
She had black hair and the most amazing deep green eyes I had ever seen. Her
head and shoulders were covered by a
shawl and she wore an orange jumpsuit
that clung to her. There was a holster on
her belt and I could see that it contained
some sort of a sidearm. What was really
strange, however, was that her skin had
a greenish tinge to it.
“You are Tony Cooper?” she asked in
an accent that I just couldn’t identify.
“Yes,” I nodded.
“Please come with me Tony Cooper,”
she said.
“Sorry, what’s this all about,” I asked,
more than a bit puzzled.
“I will explain all on the way,” she
said, taking me by the hand.
I tried to pull my hand back, but she
seemed to have incredible strength. She
half led, half dragged me outside and
suddenly we were surrounded by a circle of white light. I felt my body tingle
and then, as I watched, it seemed to vanish before my eyes.
The next thing I knew we were standing in some sort of a room. Four females
dressed identically to the one that had
arrived at my door were standing in the
room.
“Come with me Tony Cooper,” said
one of them.
Still in a state of shock I was led down
a corridor. We stood in front of a door
and it slid silently open.
“Please come inside Tony Cooper,” a
voice said.
The woman in the room was dressed
the same as the others that I had seen.
Even though her skin had that greenish
tinge to it, she still looked beautiful.
“Please sit,” she said. “My name is
Zelina and I am from the planet Trebiza
3. You are currently a guest of my space
craft.”
Okay, at least now I knew what was
going on. I was still sitting in front of my
PC and had obviously had some type of
a seizure and this was why I was now
having hallucinations. I just hoped that
it wouldn’t be fatal.
“No, you have not had a seizure, and
no you are not having a hallucination,”
she smiled. “And yes, I can read minds.”
Great, I thought. I’m sitting in some
sort of a UFO talking to some hot alien
bird and I’m just a few steps from losing
my mind.
“You are wondering why you are here
Tony Cooper,” Zelina said. “We have a
grave situation on our hands. It’s a matter of life and death for not only our
planet, but for yours as well.”
Zelina went on to explain that her
planet, Trebiza 3, was inhabited only by
women. Many years ago the planet had
been invaded by a race known as the
Ssaylgu.
The Ssaylgu were a very war-like
race. When they had invaded Trebiza
3 they had rounded up all the men and
then taken them as slaves. They were
put to work in the mines of the Ssaylgu’s
home planet, Ssabmud. Slaves that were
put into the mines were then worked until they died.
From what Zelina told me the Ssalygu
were about to launch another attack on
her planet. This time, however, they
were not interested in taking slaves.
They were planning on destroying the
planet. After that the next planet selected for destruction was Earth, the piece
of rock that I call home.
“So how do I fit into all of this,” I
asked Zelina.
“We have been observing your planet
for many years Tony Cooper,” she explained. “We have been searching your
planet, and others, for a warrior. Someone capable of taking the fight to the
Ssaylgu. On your planet we identified
seven people.”
She said that I would be required to
do some sort of a test. It would test to
see if I was up to the job at hand.
I was taken to another room and seated in a chair that looked as if it could
have come from a fighter jet. At the side
of the chair was a joystick, similar to the
one I used for many of my games. In
front of the chair was a large screen.
I was told to take a seat and then various wires were attached to my head and
body.
“The object of this exercise is to survive. You will face six waves of attack.
Each wave progressively worse than the
one before. Six before you have tried
this test,” Zelina told me.
“They tried and failed,” I asked.
“No. They tried and died. Good luck
61
Tony Cooper,” Zelina said.
The room went dark and on the
screen in front of me I saw a small white
triangle. This, I was told, was my craft.
I could use the joystick to turn the craft
in any direction. A lever to the left of my
chair acted as a throttle which I could
use to move my craft. A button on the
joystick fired projectiles from the front
of my craft.
Four irregular shapes appeared on the
screen, one at each corner. They began
to drift slowly towards the centre of the
screen where my craft stood.
I turned my craft so that the nose was
pointed at one of the objects and then
fired a few projectiles at it. Once it was
hit it broke up into two smaller pieces.
When I shot one of the smaller pieces
to also broke in half. These two smaller
pieces began to move much faster than
before. Then when I shot the smallest
of the pieces it disappeared from the
screen.
I smiled to myself. This was exactly
like an old coin-operated console game
called ‘Asteroids’. As a kid I had spent
hours playing the game and had the
highest score on all of the machines in
62
my neighbourhood.
It didn’t take me long finish the game.
The lights came back up and Zelina was
staring at me with a look of astonishment.
“By the great god Zarl, I have never
seen anything like that,” she said. “Tony
Cooper you are truly a warrior.”
Not really, I thought to myself, I’m
just a nerd that has spent far too much
time playing games.
“Now we will go to my home planet
so we can prepare,” Zelina told me.
I learnt that her home planet was 374
light years away from Earth. This meant
that, travelling at the speed of light,
it would take 374 years to get there. I
would be long dead before we even
reached quarter of the way.
“Don’t worry,” Zelina smiled. “Our
craft is fitted with a warp drive. It will
only take 10 minutes of your Earth
time.”
I was fascinated by Zelina and by
her planet. According to her there were
just over 1500 people on her planet,
all of them female. Zelina was from a
race known as the Zarlakien. One of the
things I learnt was that no-one on her
planet aged at all. In fact Zelina herself
was over 400 years old. Only I would be
turned on by a bird who was more than
400 years old.
According to Zelina there were thousands, in fact hundreds of thousands of
inhabited planets in the universe. She
also told me that I would be surprised at
how many of the life forms in the galaxy
were humanoid. In other words they had
a head, torso, and limbs.
I was still trying to take this all in.
Hey, less than a hour ago I was sitting in
front of my computer enjoying a game.
Now I was landing on a planet called
Trebiza 3, I was about to go up against
some war-like race known as the Ssaylgu, and I had a very definite answer to
the age-old question “are we alone in the
universe?”
Things were a bit chaotic when we
arrived on Trebiza 3. It appeared that a
heavily armed Ssaylgu scouting party
was already on its way. Zelina took me
straight through to see Zardu, the supreme leader of the Zarlakien.
“So Zelina,” Zardu said, “this is the
great Tony Cooper. The man you say
has a chance of saving our planet. Yet
he has never even flown one of our ZTfighters. And there is no time for him to
learn. Already the Ssaylgu are on their
way.”
“If anyone has a chance supreme
leader then it is Tony Cooper. I have the
utmost faith in him,” said Zelina.
I must admit that I was listening to
this with half an ear. I couldn’t take my
eyes off Zardu. While Zelina was beautiful, Zardu was out of this world. Come
to think of it, she really was out of this
world. Well my world anyway.
I was taken straight to the hanger
that housed the Zarlakien fighters. They
were impressive orange and grey craft
that looked similar to something that I
had used in a game called Starcraft.
I climbed into the cockpit and quickly
ran over the controls. On the right of the
seat was a joystick with a number of
buttons. These buttons allowed me to
select various weapon options and fire
the weapons. On the left of the seat was
the familiar throttle control.
I sat down in the seat and strapped
myself in. In front of me was a large
screen that curved left and right.
“Good luck Tony Cooper. May Zarl
be with you,” said Zelina, giving me a
kiss on the cheek.
I think that this was the first time that
a woman, other than my late mother,
had ever kissed me.
I pushed a button on the joystick
and the cockpit canopy closed. Then I
pushed another button to start the engines. Then it was time to take off.
The craft manoeuvred like a dream
and it moved with incredible speed. The
screen in front of me showed a HUD or
Heads-Up Display. On a small radar on
the left of the screen I could see exactly
where the Ssaylgu craft were. I could
also see what weapons I currently had
selected, as well as other details such as
my speed, heading and damage to my
craft.
“Time to rock and roll,” I muttered to
myself as I headed straight towards the
Ssaylgu fighters.
There were eight of them and they
began to spread out into an attack formation once they had noticed me. Not a
problem. This was exactly like playing
a game.
I couldn’t do more than three pushups and it took me about five minutes to
run a hundred metres (I would have to
63
stop and rest at least twice), but when it
came to games I was the best.
The eight fighters didn’t stand a
chance. I put my craft into a dive and
then came up under them, shooting two
of them down. Then I shoot straight up
through them, did a barrel roll and came
at them from above, taking another three
of them out.
The three remaining craft turned and
tried to run. In less than 10 seconds I had
taken them out. But my job was only
half done.
The co-ordinates for the planet Ssabmud had been programmed into my
fighter. I pushed the button that engaged
the hyper drive and in less than five minutes my screen was filled with an image
of the planet Ssabmud.
They began to send waves of fighters up to meet me, trying everything
to knock me down. They didn’t have a
hope in hell. I dealt with situations like
this at least once a week.
As soon as I was in range I pressed
another button, releasing an anti-matter
bomb towards the planet. There was a
blinding flash of light and the planet
seemed to increase in size and then vanished. The Ssaylgu would never be a
threat to anyone again.
According to my HUD my craft had
taken 70% damage. I just prayed that
the hyper drive engine still worked as I
pressed the button to return me to Trebiza 3. It worked.
When I landed my craft was surrounded my cheering, beautiful women.
I was lifted from the craft and carried
64
shoulder high to the palace of Zardu.
There she pinned a medal on my chest
and announced that I now held the title
of ‘Saviour of the Zarlakien’. She also
asked what I would like as a reward. It
was an easy choice.
Back on planet Earth it was only three
weeks later that anyone noticed that I
was missing. My front door was wide
open, my car was still in the garage and
my computer was still switched on. The
police opened a missing persons docket
and, I guess, it remains open to this day.
Naturally no-one has ever found me.
As my reward I asked if I could live
on Trebiza 3. Zardu, Zelina and everyone else was thrilled with the idea.
I’ve been here now for 92 years and,
like the Zarlakien’s, I have not aged a
single day. I think it has something to do
with the atmosphere and the suns. And
yes, I did say suns. Trebiza 3 has two
suns. Oh, and my skin has also taken on
a greenish tinge.
I love living on Trebiza 3. On my
planet I was nothing but a nerd. Here, on
the other hand, I am a hero. I’m also the
only male on a planet with 1500 beautiful women.
And the best thing about it is that there
is no jealousy on this planet. So every
one of the 1500 women get to share me.
By the way, I haven’t played a game
of any sort for the past 92 years. Come
on, think about it. I have 1500 gorgeous
women all vying for my attention. Trust
me when I say that games are the last
thing on my mind. I guess you can honestly say that the nerd has turned. n
Take a different look at a career...
... as a cyber
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Scripting, storyboard, filming and
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