Untitled - Snark Rocket Studios

Created by Bob Cesca and John Christian Plummer
Developed by Eric Calderon, Executive Producer
Produced by Wild Boar Media and Camp Chaos
WHAT IS THAT RANDOM 3-D SHOW?
It’s an animated comedy that takes the same dysfunctional-pseudo-family cast of
characters and throws them into a different, random and completely twisted world
every week. And it’s created using 3-D animation. Sexy, violent, stupid, smart,
insane, hilarious, random and 3-D.
WHO ARE THESE RANDOM 3-D CHARACTERS?
The characters are fixed points in an ever-shifting and random universe. While
each episode’s world is entirely new to us, our characters don’t see it as new –
it’s not like they’re being “dropped” by the show into a new story and new
environment. They’re just wherever they are each time, and they’re always who
they are no matter where and when they are.
But they’re random in their own way – they really have no business ever hanging
together, let alone dropping into world after world week after week.
But they do. They’re stuck together. And it really doesn’t matter why.
Do you know why you hang out with the freakish post-apocalyptic collection of
friends and associates you call your social circle? No. Nobody does. Is there a
backstory there? I guess, but it’s probably more boring than watching The Golf
Channel.
See, the backstory doesn’t matter, the relationships do. And because these six
never learn, grow or evolve, their relationships remain delightfully predictable.
But before we get into how they relate, let’s meet the Randoms:
WADE ‘DARTH SUEDE’ GLASS
The Leader, 17 years old
“Yeah, I’m a jagoff. You know
who else is a jagoff? George
Lucas. And he’s made more
money off more people than
Jesus. You know what
another name for “jagoff” is?
Winner. Deal with it.”
It takes a special kind of guy to not only
admit he’s an jagoff, but to make his jagoffishness a point of pride. But Darth Suede is
nothing if not special.
Muscle-free body. Nasal voice. Unfortunate hair. Ginormous ego. Darth Suede
reeks of leadership. Digital-age 2008 leadership. The main commenter on a blog
or web forum. The know-it-all who stays up all night just because he found
someone online who’s wrong about whatever. Plus he has a chip on his shoulder
the size of a primordial dwarf. Darth Suede picks fights almost as often as he
picks his nose, and he’s always happy to find a new reason to tangle with
someone dumber than he.
“I can pwn you with my brain, n00b.”
Finding reasons to fight is easy: Darth Suede has a lot of things he doesn’t like.
For instance, he despises ignorance, unnecessary prequels and people who
mispronounce his internet handle – calling him “Darth Swede” instead of “Darth
Suede.” But when it comes to fisticuffs, the battles are always quick – because
Darth Suede always gets his ass kicked. And getting his ass kicked always
makes Darth Suede laugh haughtily and intone, “You idiot! That’s just what I
wanted you to do! Now you’re mine!”
Darth Suede’s supreme confidence in himself is equaled only by his disdain for
everything and everyone around him. Out of everything that drives Darth Suede
nuts, though, there are four people who truly get under Darth Suede’s skin.
Unfortunately for Darth Suede, they’re the four people he hangs out with.
•
•
•
•
Rock Linson bugs Darth Suede because, as Darth Suede says, Rock is
“criminally retarded. Seriously, there should be a law against your level of
stupidity. And when I’m president, there will be.”
Kari St. Jessup bugs Darth Suede because…well, lots of reasons, but
mostly just her scorchingly hot body. It’s hard to see past the body. Or
see around it.
Michelle Yu bugs Darth Suede because she doesn’t respect him, which
means she’ll never have sex with him, which makes him respect her, and
want to have sex with her, which will never happen.
Pancake Glass bugs Darth Suede because he’s Darth Suede’s little
brother. His nine-year-old tag-along brother, who calls him Wade instead
of Darth Suede and who knows things about Wade that seriously
undermine his image as both leader and jagoff. And also Pancake bugs
Darth Suede because his name is Pancake.
One more thing about Darth Suede: he’s never had sex. Ever. And his chances
for future sex are slim.
ROCK LINSON
The Brawn, 19 years old
“Man, when I flex my abs,
dogs come barking because of
the high-pitched sound my abs
emit. That’s a verifiable fact,
and if you don’t believe me,
Google it up, broseph!”
Rock has an ego bigger than his pecs and
biceps, an ego so big that it is capable of
shielding him from the fact that he’s a
complete fucking idiot,. Rock is that guy who
never evolved beyond high school He’s that
physically overdeveloped hipster at the fancy nightclub with 500 friends, no
responsibilities and who can’t stop talking about the latest muscle milk he bought
at GNC.
Like most stupid egomaniacs, Rock likes to talk. And Rock can talk at length
about anything, but his favorite subjects are 1) himself and 2) his mixed martial
arts skills. Because he’s dumb, he overcompensates by acting smarter than he
is. And if anyone argues with him, or can’t follow his illogical logic, he gets louder
and louder. Because loud always wins. And Rock likes winning. Almost as
much as he likes sex.
“I get laid more than the average guy gets an
erection. That’s a verifiable fact, and if you don’t
believe me, Google it up!”
Rock likes verifiable facts. Unfortunately, most of his fact can’t be verified. He’s
wrong about 80% of the time, but he’s righteous 100% of the time. Which drives
Darth Suede insane, and constantly leads to them getting into circuitous ,
nonsensical and loud shouting/screaming debates. And then Rock does one of
his mixed martial arts moves on Darth, taking him out. Darth considers Rock a
life form just barely above paramecia. Rock thinks paramecia is the plural of
“paramedic”. Google it up, broseph!
KARI ST. JESSUP
The Cynical Hottie, 18 years old
“I’m sorry, did I hurt your little
feelings? I’ve got an idea: why
don’t you crawl back to the swamp
home and see if there’s a doctor
there who can grow you a pair of
nards. And try to remember not to
eat them this time.”
Kari can kick more ass with her mouth than
Darth Suede can kick with his brain and Rock
can kick with his biceps. Kari can reduce men
to paramecia. She can make women invoke
the term “sisterhood” faster than you can say “Gloria Steinem.” But pleas for
sympathy or feminism will fall on deaf ears with Michelle.
Because Kari has the personality of a cynical vampire…and the body of a
Playboy Playmate.
Kari fully recognizes that she’s the object of many a fantasy, a fact that she
accepts with weary exhaustion. She could care less about the limp tongues or
erect members of the male populace, even though she does enjoy sex – she just
wishes she could have it with guys who weren’t so incredibly disappointing to the
species.
Still, she doesn’t expect much more from them, or from the women who claim to
want to be her friend when all they really want is to figure out how she got her
taut abs and perfect butt and shapely breasts.
Kari’s list of likes is short. She likes being right – which happens, oh, pretty much
all the time. And she also likes to make people squirm.
“I know you want to make some snappy comeback to
show me how much more clever than me you think
you are, but I know from experience it’s going to take
all of your brain power to keep yourself from focusing
on my perfectly formed ass and my eternally pert
nipples, so you’ll end up just making grunting noises
and that’s only going to make you look more sad than
you already do. Cool?”
MICHELLE YU
The Bimbo, 19 years old
“Guys think that just
because I have this really
hot body I’m like not that
smart, but let me ask
them this: what if we lived
in a world where your
brain was in your left
boob? Then how smart
would I be, huh? And I’m
talking about the smaller
boob, too. I’m giving
myself a benefit for the
doubt.”
Michelle totally loves hot guys, and clothes, and hair and skin products, and the
fact that her last name is Yu.
“Because it’s like people say like what is your name
and I say like ‘I’m Yu.’ And that like totally freaks
them out and then I’m like isn’t that like freaky and
they’re like totally silent. Because I’ve got them
thinking, you know? And then I’m like who is so
dumb now, right?”
In Michelle’s eyes, the only things that matter are appearances, which is why she
thinks blind people are like so sad, because they can’t even read the Prada
name on a label unless they put those little bumps on labels, but that would
probably itch and Prada would never do that anyway because blind people also
don’t care if they dress like homeless people because they can’t see their clothes
anyway. But Michelle can see her clothes, and the clothes and hair and
everything else of everyone, and she can judge all those things with remarkable
speed and precision. She won’t date anyone who isn’t in med school or already
a millionaire, but she’ll have sex with anybody who’s hot. Which is why she has
sex with Rock every single episode, and will never, ever have sex with Darth
Suede.
Michelle is really not smart, though she can always outsmart Rock, which she
credits to the fact that she’s Asian:
“If Rock were Asian he’d be like totally smarter than
me. But probably his biceps wouldn’t be as huge
because Asian guys like can’t get huge biceps. And
he probably wouldn’t be named Rock, he’d be named
like Gary or something. And his last name would be
like Yang or Chen or something totally Asian like that,
right?”
Right, Michelle. Totally right.
PANCAKE GLASS
The Kid, 9 years old
“What? I don’t know. Don’t look at me.
Are you looking at me? You look like
you’re looking at me. I’m just
saying…whatever, dude. You know?”
Pancake is over pretty much everything. He exudes the
apathy of a boy who has yet to get a boner or fear
death. And he calls it like he sees it. If something sucks, it doesn’t matter who
made it, or how important it is, or how much money it’s worth: it sucks. And
Pancake is fine with saying so. Or not saying so. Whatever.
Pancake is as rolly and round as his big brother Darth Suede is lean and long. In
fact, the fact that they are genetically linked is pretty shocking, as Pancake and
Darth Suede differ in pretty much everything. Where Darth Suede is
manipulative and ironical, Pancake is honest and unaffected. And Darth Suede
cares desperately about being respected and loved, while Pancake could care
less. Which makes it infuriating to Darth Suede that people do love and respect
Pancake.
Rock thinks he’s pretty effin’ awesome for a kid, and Kari and Michelle think he’s
really cute, which means they hug him a lot, which is completely disgusting.
“Okay, please stop crushing me with your boobs.”
Pancake has no problem saying “boobs” – but he has a huge problem with the
boobs themselves, and anything else sexually charged. Which drives Darth
Suede nuts, because Pancake gets more boob-crushing in an hour than Darth
Suede gets in…well, ever.
Pancake’s best friend in the whole world is his pet unicorn, Horny.
HORNY THE UNICORN
The Pet, age unknown
Horny is a unicorn. He’s probably the cutest unicorn
that ever lived, with pudgy apple cheeks, long-lashed
eyelids and a coy smile. And a very big horn. That he
often rubs up against the side of a couch or the leg of a
person. Which makes the boys laugh and Kari
embarrassed and Michelle aroused. Horny doesn’t talk,
but his whinny sounds a lot like someone saying:
“Me so Horny!”
Horny loves everyone in the gang, but he’s most fond of Pancake, who always
finds the yummiest treats for him and combs his mane and polishes his horn.
MR. RICHARD LEE SPEEWAK
The Villain, 44 years old
“My name is Richard Lee Speewak.
The “w” sounds like a “v”. It sounds
like Spivack. Say it with me: Spivack.
Spivack. SPI-VACK. Vack like
vacuum. As the thing that cleans up
dirt. And rest assured, I will be
cleaning up the dirt that is you from the
carpet of my life! And in a hypoallergenic way, too!”
If there’s one thing that brings our five heroes
together, it’s a villain, and their villain is Mr. Richard
Lee Speewak, a high-strung, conniving, manipulative
prick whose only pleasure in the world is in making
life miserable for the crew.
Why does he hate them so? Well, part of it is that they call him Dick Lee. Which
sounds just like: Dickly.
Part of it is that they’re as young and vibrant and full of possibility as he is
middle-aged and atrophied and full of despair.
But mostly he just hates them because no matter what world they’re in, Mr.
Richard Lee Speewak is the authority figure whose whole reason for being is to
be authoritarian. Which means he exists to crush people.
Whether he’s the dictator of an African nation, the captain of a cruise ship, or the
principal of a junior high school, Mr. Richard Lee Speewak is always the boss.
Being in charge isn’t just a job for Mr. Richard Lee Speewak. It’s the core of his
identity. He believes in order and subjugation. He lives to oppress. He’s not
happy unless everyone else is unhappy.
And he’s really good at making sure to dot the “i” in “unhappiness.”
“Am I anal? Is it anal to care about details? Do
details have something to do with my anus? Let me
give you some advice: leave the details of my anus up
to the professionals. Which in this case would be a
proctologist. And/or me.”
Unfortunately for Mr. Richard Lee Speewak, no matter how many
minions he dispatches or armies he commands, he is never, ever a
match for the combined might of the five kids. Youth will always
trump middle-age, and Mr. Richard Lee Speewak will always and
ever be dickly.
WHAT’S WITH THESE RANDOM 3-D RELATIONSHIPS?
Not only do our six characters remain as fixed and unchanging as the smile on
Ryan Seacrest, but of course their relationships with each other also accord with
the laws of physics – in other words, like any self-respecting sitcom cast, how
they interact with each other doesn’t learn, grow or evolve, either.
So how do they interact with each other? Well…
DARTH SUEDE tells everyone what to do all the time; he is secretly but
obviously in love with and in awe of his intellectual nemesis Kari; he disdains but
desperately wants to bone Michelle; he can’t stand but tolerates Pancake, and he
feels pretty much the same way about Horny; and he loves to make Rock his
whipping boy. And he wants nothing more than to ruin the plans of the archvillain, Dickly Speewak.
ROCK lusts after and is completely confused by Kari; he lusts after and always
ends up having sex with Michelle; he thinks Pancake is awesome and wishes
Pancake were bigger so they could be work-out buddies; he thinks Darth Suede
is usually totally wrong and needs to get schooled; he thinks Horny could be
worth millions if only he, Rock, had the time to figure out how to make some
Horny T-shirts and sippee-cups and plushie toys. And he so wants to use his
biceps to crush Dickly’s head like a grape.
KARI is completely over Michelle and her vain materialism; she marginally
enjoys cock-teasing Rock; she actually likes Pancake and considers him the
closest thing she will ever have to someone who gets her; she wishes Horny
would find a girlfriend and stop rubbing everything in sight; and she gives Darth
Suede endless shit – because she’s secretly in love with him. And she’s totally
bored by Dickly’s predictable authoritarian villainy.
MICHELLE thinks Darth Suede is like really smart but sometimes is confused by
his big words and also he’s totally gross; she thinks Kari is like totally cool but
kind of a bitch but that’s what makes her totally cool; she thinks Rock is so so so
sweet and also incredibly hot and always ends up having sex with him; she
thinks Pancake is really really cute and always hugs him to her (gross to him)
breasts; and she totally wishes Horny were a guy and his horn was his thing and
that he also ran a hedge fund because then she’d totally bone him and marry
him. And she wishes Dickly could just be more fun and get along with everyone
and if he was like two years younger she’d do him.
PANCAKE thinks Darth Suede is a dork except when Darth Suede is a jerk; he
thinks Rock is a dork but cool to play with; he thinks Kari is a girl and he thinks
Michelle is a girl, too; he thinks Horny is the only creature who really gets him,
and that’s cool. And he thinks Mr. Richard Lee Speewack is a massive dork who
deserves his “penis-ish” name.
HORNY doesn’t talk so we don’t really know what he’s thinking, but from his
actions it’s pretty clear that he doesn’t much like Darth Suede but tolerates him
because he’s Pancake’s brother; he thinks Rock is an idiot; he thinks Kari is a
goddess and if he were human he would woo her and make her his woman; he
thinks if he tried a little harder he could get Michelle to bone him even if he
weren’t human; he thinks Dickly should be gored, probably through the eye. Or
ear. Or nose. Or all three. And he thinks Pancake is his best friend.
MR. RICHARD LEE SPEEWACK is dedicated to crushing the five and selling
Horny off to a carnival that has a prior history of mistreating animals. He wants
nothing more than to end whatever fun they’re having, thwart whatever mission
they’re on, and imprison them in a hell of his own devising. He is their eternal
enemy. And that gives him what he calls “joy.”
WHAT THE HELL ARE THE RANDOM 3-D UNIVERSES?
Each week our seven regulars appear in a completely new universe. The
universe has a specific and unified time, place and action. And these universes
are a combination of the familiar and the strange…they take something we all
know, and put a unique twist on it.
What the hell does that mean? Well, here are some episode examples:
1. Darth Suede is black and running for president against old man Dickly.
For President of the Marvel Universe fan club.
2. Rock and Michelle decide to adopt a gaggle of poor hillbilly babies from
the “third world nation” of Kentucky, but they’re stalked by an overzealous
blogger (Dickly as a Perez Hilton type) who draws obnoxious remarks and
captions on their paparazzi photos.
3. They’re fighting a holy crusade in the Middle Ages to save the mysterious
“Enflamed Dwarf” and the only way to find him is by using Horny’s horn
like a divining rod. The only problem is Dickly has captured Horny and is
going to burn him at the stake for being a unicorn and a witch.
4. The gang are all alien slaves on a funnel cake plantation owned by Dickly
on the socially backwards, inbred planet of Carnie. When Dickly starts to
fatten up Horny for a sacrificial roast, Darth Suede leads a slave rebellion.
5. The gang are doctors on staff with “House” and after some abuse, they
refuse to take any more of Dr. House’s egomaniacal drug-addicted
bullshit, so they plot to sabotage his life with pranks and boobie-traps. But
when Dr. House ends up in the psych ward, his replacement is Dickly.
And he’s not playing House.
6. Darth Suede and Rock are the captain and first mate of a crabbing boat in
the Bering Sea – and it’s being filmed for a “Deadliest Catch” style
documentary. But instead of crabs, they keep hauling cages full of sexy
mermaids… who fart. Farting mermaids. Now they’re trapped in the
middle of the ocean with a film crew and too many farting mermaids. And
Dickly is the captain of a rogue Russian nuclear sub who wants to turn the
cold war hot.
7. It’s the ‘70s and Rock is the porn king of So-Cal – but not for long if Darth
Suede gets his porn auteur mojo working. And Darth has just the couple
he wants to build his porn empire around: Michelle and Horny. Dickly is
the head of the LA vice squad, and he’s determined to bring the porn
industry to its knees. Metaphorically, of course.
8. The gang are on a rafting trip and fall into a time vortex into the age of
dinosaurs. Pancake is an apelike Pakoonie and Rock challenges the manlizard Sleestucks to a mixed martial arts tournament. The slow moving
Sleestucks are no match until they employ steroids provided by Darth
Suede.
9. Kari and Michelle are producers for a horny, pill-popping
Limbaugh/O’Reilly-style pundit, played by Dickly, who is constantly trying
to seduce them. Rock and Darth Suede set up an overly elaborate video
sting operation to capture the obnoxious cable news host in the act.
10. In the future, bio-scientist Dickly crafts a perfect clone of Horny. And then
of Pancake. What will Darth and the gang do? Which is the real Pancake
and Horny? And what happens when Pancake, Horny and their clones
hop a box car and run away together?
11. The gang are characters inside the newest World War II video game, A
Huge Pile of Duty VII. They’re not “trapped” inside the game – they’re just
in the game – it’s the universe of the episode – interacting with the
soldiers who look like Xbox soldiers, but are all voiced by prepubescent
teenage boys speaking through their Xbox Live microphones. Rock
accidentally kills two of the soldiers. So our heroes are captured and
imprisoned like the cast of Hogan’s Heroes.
12. It’s the ‘60s and the gang are the world’s most popular rock n’ roll band on
tour to Africa, and playing at the royal palace of an evil dictator – Dickly –
who likes to eat anyone who crosses him. The gang must save
themselves and the African nation – ideally with rock n’ roll.
13. The gang are Native Americans who welcome a ship of repressed, Godtalking pilgrims, led by Dickly Standish. Their strained relations do not
lead to a turkey dinner.
No matter what twisted universe our regulars are plopped down into, the seven of
them are always the same, and always have the same relationships with each
other. They have jobs or roles in each universe, but they are always consistent
with the personalities of each individual.
GENRES WE’LL PILLAGE FOR OUR RANDOM 3-D KICKS
No matter what world it’s in, THAT RANDOM 3-D SHOW will always play fast
and loose with genre conventions, sometimes sticking to one genre for the bulk
of an episode, sometimes bouncing around between a several genres in the
space of a few minutes. Here’s a sample list of some genres we like and that
we’ll happily pillage, in totally random order:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Sid and Marty Kroft
Shaw Brothers kung fu films
Zombie movies
Martin Scorcese
Biblical epics
TV laugh-track sitcoms
Crazed unstoppable killer movies
Disney musicals
Kurosawa
Whatever’s popular on TV at the moment
Blaxplotation movies
Michael Moore
Stanley Kubrick
Star Wars
80s porn
Reality shows
Superhero movies
Alfred Hitchcock
Westerns
Star Trek
Japanese Kaiju movies
John Hughes
Pokemon
OUR RANDOM 3-D CRED
Eric Calderon bio…
Bob Cesca has written, produced, directed and animated nearly 700 animated
shorts and numerous animated music videos (Iron Maiden, Everclear, Meat Loaf,
Motley Crue and many others), as well as two successful seasons of the VH1
and MTV2 sketch comedy show ILL-ustrated. For the last ten years, his
production studio, Camp Chaos, has been one of the most recognizable brands
in digital entertainment, having been responsible for the online viral successes
Napster Bad (upwards of 100 million views), the Japanese anime series Kung Fu
Jimmy Chow (nearly 5 million views), The Superficial Friends and Spongebong
Hemp Pants. Bob is one of only several featured bloggers for the Huffington Post
website and the author of the forthcoming book One Nation Under Fear.
John Christian Plummer met Bob Cesca when he was hired as a writer on
Bob’s show VH-1 ILL-ustrated. He co-wrote, with partner Jim Biederman, the film
scripts The Corporate Zombie Killers, purchased by Blowtorch Entertainment and
producer Paul Schiff (Rushmore, Date Movie, Maid in Manhattan, etc.) and
Knowing Me, Knowing You for producer Wendy Finerman (Forrest Gump, The
Devil Wears Prada). He has worked as a writer and producer for Comedy
Central, MTV, TBS, Bravo, Discovery and PBS. He and Bob Cesca co-created,
co-wrote and co-produced the hit internet series Kung Fu Jimmy Chow, and over
a hundred episodes of other internet hits The Superficial Friends, Behind the
Music That Sucks and American Suck Countdown, among others.
Eric Calderon was born in the Philippines and has been in the professional
animation industry for over 15 years. From 1993-1999, as the Director of
Development for MTV Animation, he discovered, developed, and produced over
60 pilots and new series concept that led to the approval of 14 animated series.
Following this, in 2000 Eric joined the short film and Internet distribution company
ATOM FILMS, where he produced and developed online animation. From 2001
to 2007, Eric was in charge of all creative business development for the
Japanese animation studio GONZO, based in Tokyo with satellite offices in Los
Angeles, London, and Paris. Here, Eric began the business that led to the
animated music video for the band LINKIN PARK (‘Breaking the Habit’) and
created and co-produced an original pilot, Metaform Zero, that was fully financed
and produced by Disney’s action channel JETIX.
Eric’s largest project at GDH was AFRO SAMURAI, a five-part television miniseries on SpikeTV, starring the voice of internationally acclaimed actor SAMUEL
L. JACKSON. Along with the success of the television series came the franchise
launch of a next-generation console video game (Namco Hometek), a 300 page
graphic novel, merchandise, a live-action feature film adaptation currently in
development, and season 2 of AFRO SAMURAI, which Eric contributed as a
writer.
In March 2008, Eric took the leap and started his own Hollywood-based
company, Wild Boar Media to develop and produce animation. The company is
already in production on an independent feature film, a worldwide releasing
concert animation, and several other new exciting developments and
consultations.
Eric currently resides in Culver City, California.