PAST_ISSUES_files/IONAZ 88 Oct 2008 pages

Transcription

October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM 1
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WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2008
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Just Jack
“When I grow up, I want to be an artest.”
That was an excerpt from a project I
created when I was in the 3rd grade.
It contained great designs with terrible
spelling. Not much has changed since
then. JMT Designs, Inc., the company
I started almost 14 years ago and now
creates ION Arizona, has. We are a
creative design company with a collection of top designers, photographers,
cartoonists, and, yes, professional
writers!
Recently, we submitted a design for this
year’s AGRA Rodeo poster
and won. We designed the
logo for the Harrah’s Ak-Chin
Casino Rainbow Shuffle. We
create ads for Amsterdam, Ice
Pics, Forbidden, and Roscoe’s
to name a few. We aren’t the
cheapest just the best. Plus,
we never miss a deadline. We
also created our own website,
as well as everything ION. If
your business needs a facelift, give us a
call. You won’t be disappointed.
OK, couch potatoes, this is your month.
There is no reason not to get out and
have some fun because October is the
busiest month for the Arizona GLBT
community. There’s Rainbows Festival,
Phoenix AIDS Walk 2008, Tucson Pride,
Tucson AIDS Walk, the 1N10 Gala plus
all the great events the bars are hosting.
Don’t forget about the Arizona State Fair
with their fantastic free concert line-up.
For you travelers, there is the Rocky
Point Homo-ween, Q Vegas’ NCOD
and Jeffrey Sanker’s White Party Las
Vegas.
To date, we estimate that we have
printed approximately 900,000 issues of
ION. Can you believe it? We are about
100,000 issues away from one million.
And when then happens, we are going
to PARTY!
But until then, another ION supporter
is celebrating a similar milestone: FEZ
Restaurant. You see, they have been
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busy serving up culinary excellence for
three years now. Not only can you get
$5 FEZ Burgers and $3 Pomegranate
Vodka drinks all month, but some lucky
patron will be served FEZ’s 1,000,000
meal! The winner will receive dinner
for two every week for a year. Join us
Sunday, October 26th, as we help
celebrate their anniversary in style with
free food, free drinks, great music and
good friends.
On November 4th, don’t forget to get out
and vote. And, for our sake, vote NO
on Proposition 102. It’s back on
the ballot again and this time it
is going to be tough to defeat
without everyone’s help!
This month’s Party Penguin is
“Pistol” Pete Kelly. The voice of
Energy Arizona FM during the
afternoons, Pete is also a personal trainer, an actor, a musician, a singer and an event
host. He has been a great friend of ION
for years. He is the hardest working
gay person I know and that is why he is
this month’s Party Penguin! Among his
many other talents, he’s also a drummer
for the rock band Kaiser. Check out their
show Oct. 11th at Club Red in Tempe.
Lastly, National Coming Out
Day is October 11th. For
those people who aren’t out
to their family, friends, or
co-workers, those who
are bi-sexual but lean
gay, those who question their
sexuality, this day is
for you. Remember these words,
“I will never be
truly happy until I can be
myself”. Think about it.
Repeat. And rejoice.
Have a fun, safe, and
sexy October!
Jack Tesorero
Publisher
October 2008 WWW.IONAZ.COM
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ION ARIZONA CENTER
3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012
(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939
www.IONAZ.com
PUBLISHER
Jack M. Tesorero .............................. jackt@ionaz.com
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 .................. editor@ionaz.com
EDITOR AND CONTENT CZAR
Deon Brown ................................. deon@ionaz.com
PRODUCTION & OFFICE MANAGER
production@ionaz.com
ADVERTISING SALES
Jack Tesorero, Ext 6 ................. adsales@Ionaz.com
PHOTOGRAPHERS:
Richard Bolinski
Don Thompson
Corey Blanchette
Carl James
NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE
Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863
CONTRIBUTORS:
Dave Jackson
Corey Blanchette
Ted Kirby
Wes Bergman
David Alan Maxey
Addison DeWitt
Kim Ruff
Helena Grayson
Paul Sanchez
Gary Guerin
TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS,
CALL (602) 308-4662.
Published monthly by
© 2008 Tesorero Omni Media
a JMT Designs, Inc. company
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
PRINTED IN THE USA
All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine
remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced,
altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited
usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.
NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily
reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent
company.
Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication
of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To
our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION
Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted
by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and
they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see
a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will
remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos,
and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding
that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper
written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials
of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for
unlawful use of such content.
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ANNIVERSARY PARTY
PHOENIX, ARIZONA
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Live & Local every Wednesday with SWAY Events
The wildly popular “Live & Local” concert series from SWAY
Events is now a permanent part of the music landscape for up
‘n’ coming “queersicians” every Wednesday night at Forbidden.
Join them for the series premiere on Wednesday, October 15
with Lauren Winston. Doors open 8 p.m. and open to 18 +. Visit
ww.SWAYevents.com for more info or for a chance to perform.
Rainbows Festival / Phoenix AIDS Walk 2008
Join in the fun, food and entertainment at the 7th Annual
Rainbows Festival street fair at Heritage Park near 7th St. &
Monroe in downtown Phoenix October 4 & 5. Get up bright
and early on Sunday, October 5 at 8:30 a.m. for the historic
return of Phoenix AIDS Walk. You can register at
www.AIDSwalk2008.org.
Sky Lounge 18+ Juicy Thursdays
Hey, kiddies! Put on your boogie shoes and head over to the Sky
Lounge for juicy Grand Opening on October 9. DJ Tsunami and
rebelX will be spinning hip-hop, pop, and mouth watering juicy
club hits for you. Check out their ad for a month long of hot mess
events you’ll love! Sky Lounge is at 132 W. Washington. Phone:
602-229-1110
FEZ One Millionth Customer Party
Celebrate OctoberFEZ! Join ION Arizona when we party at FEZ
for their third anniversary on Sunday, October 26 from 2-5 p.m.
with complimentary FEZ food, drinks and great music. Stop by
anytime this month for $5 FEZ burgers and $3 Pomegranate
vodka drinks and your chance to be served their 1,000,000
meal and win dinner for two every week for a year. FEZ is at
3815 N. Central. Ave. Go to www.FezOnCentral.com for details.
Arizona Exposition & State Fair
The Arizona State Fair is here! Not only can you get
anything you can eat on a stick, there’s world-class concert
entertainment, a Petting Zoo, quilting, cakes & pies, arts &
crafts, poultry and some big-ass livestock! And don’t forget the
midway with Whack-A-Mole! It starts October 10 ‘til November
2 at 19th Ave. & McDowell. More at AZStateFair.com
Tucson Pride / Tucson AIDS Walk 2008
Our friends down in the Old Pueblo are showing their Pride in
the Desert on Saturday, October 18 at Reid Park. Enjoy their
special day and fab entertainment with hottie Eric Himan and
others. Sunday is dedicated to AIDS Walk 2008. Registration
begins at 6:30 a.m. and the 5K walk starts at 8:30 a.m. Visit www.
TucsonPride.org and www.AIDSwalkTucson.com for more info.
Halloween Spectacular at BS West: “Rehab”
They can try to make you “Rehab” and you’ll
say, “Yes, yes, yes!” when BS presents their
legendary Halloween extravaganza with the best
entertainment you’ll find featuring all your friends
as the stars. It all happens on October 25 at BS West. 7125
E. 5th Ave. Phone: 480-945-9028. Get your tix early!
Rocky Point Homo-ween Beach Bash!
Join all the hot little papi chulos south of the border in Rocky
Point at the fabulous Peñasco del Sol Hotel for Halloween
- Mexican style! One low price includes transportation,
accommodations, a weekend party pass and much more!
We’ll see you there October 31-November 2. See their ad in
this issue or call 520-618-8050 for info.
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OCTOBER ION SPECIAL EVENTS LISTING
DATE
EVENT & LOCATION
CITY
3-7
3-5
4
4
4-5
5
10-11/2
18
18
18
18
17-19
19
19-11/16
23-25
23-25
24-26
24
25
26
31-11/2
31-11/2
11/1-2
Scottsdale Int’l. Film Festival - Camelview Theatre
Way Out West Oktoberfest - Tempe Beach Park
Glitter - Kobalt Bar
Arizona Irish Festival - Hance Park
Rainbows Festival - Heritage Square
Phoenix AIDS Walk 2008 - Downtown Phx
Arizona State Fair - Fairgrounds
Phoenix Pagan Pride - Phx. College
Elevate - 1 Voice Gala - Wynham Hotel
Tucson Pride - Reid Park
World Water Festival - Rio Salado Habitat
The Black Party - theblackpartyaz.com - The Ice House
Tucson AIDS Walk 2008 - U of A Campus
Cowboy Artists at the Phx. Art Museum
Mesa Storytelling Festival - Mesa Arts Ctr.
Eats3: Sizzle, Sip & Swizzle - Southbridge
Anthem Autumnfest - Anthem Park
Great Pumpkin Festival - Desert Botanical
BS West: Rehab Halloween - BS West
FEZ 3rd Anniversary - FEZ
Rocky Point Homoween - Peñasco del Sol Hotel
Carefree Fine Arts Festival - Thunderbird Artists
Dia de los Muertos Celebration - Mesa Arts Ctr.
Scottsdale
Tempe
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Tucson
Phoenix
Phoenix
Tucson
Phoenix
Mesa
Scottsdale
Phoenix
Phoenix
Scottsdale
Phoenix
Rocky Point
Fntn. Hills
Mesa
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New Kids On The Block
Okay, face it: you totally loved the NKOTB. But who’s
cutest? Joey McIntyre or Jordan Knight? The debate still
rages on. With a new, critically acclaimed album out the
Boston “Southies” are on tour and will be showing “The
Right Stuff” on Monday, October 13 at Jobing.com Arena
at 9400W. Maryland in Glendale. Go to www.ticketmaster.
com or call 480-784-4444 for tickets.
Tina Turner
Rock ‘n’ Roll’s Acid Queen shows everybody how Proud
Mary keeps on burnin’ when Tina Turner does her “Divina”
impersonation on October 24 at the Jobing.com Arena in
Glendale, Arizona. Deutsche marks or dollars, American
Express will do nicely, thank you. But you gotta buy a
ticket. Visit www.ticketmaster.com or call 480-784-4444.
OCTOBER 2008 ION CONCERT CALENDAR
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DATE EVENT/ARTIST
LOCATION
03
Journey
08
Panic! at the Disco
08
Dashboard Confessional
08
Randy Travis
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Rocks for Locks featuring Kaiser
10
Neil Diamond
13
New Kids On The Block
16
Goo Goo Dolls
17
Eric Himan
17
Meat Loaf
18
Weezer
18
Jack’s Mannequin
19
Rick Springfield
20
Alison Moyet
21
Sheryl Crow
21
Metallica
22
Mary J. Blige
24
Tina Turner
24
Gordon Lightfoot
25
America
NOVEMBER
3
Jackson Browne
7
Carrie Underwood
8
Linda Ronstadt
11
Alanis Morrissette
Cricket Pavilion
Jobing.com Arena
Jobing.com Arena
Celebrity Theatre
Club Red
Jobing.com Arena
Jobing.com Arena
Coliseum
The Wild Card, Chandler
Coliseum
Coliseum
City Limits in Tucson
Chandler Ctr. for the Arts
Celebrity Theatre
Coliseum
Jobing.com Arena
Coliseum
Jobing.com Arena
Dodge Theatre
Celebrity Theatre
Dodge Theatre
ASU Convention Center
Chandler Ctr. for the Arts
Dodge Theatre
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Written by Dave Jackson
djackson@virginmega.com
Yo, DJ! What’s New?
In addition to these selections, look for
new stuff this month from Pink, Armin
Van Buuren, Natasha Bedingfield,
Snow Patrol, Jack’s Mannequin, Oasis,
Nikka Costa, Pet Shop Boys (two disc
b-sides) and greatest hits, with new
tracks from Sarah McLachlan and Tina
Turner.
Keane – Perfect Symmetry
On their third album,
Keane shakes it up
completely and offers
an album full of pop
throwbacks from
the eighties, very
reminiscent of David Bowie and the
Cure. Most of you got your first taste
with “Spiraling,” a track that shocked
everyone; but never fret, the rest of
the album is not as puzzling. Second
single, “Lovers are Losing” is just
gorgeous while “Better than This”
comes off as pop genius. And, for those
that still need that gushy piano sound,
find solace in the final track, “Love is
the End.”
Thicke – Something Else
After the incredible
evolution he made
with his last album,
Robin continues to
grow on Something
Else. Using no guest
vocalists this time around, Robin
channels the amazing sounds of
Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson and
Marvin Gaye. Lead single, “Magic”
is a time warped disco jam from the
70’s while “Sidestep” and the title
track are just plain cool. Though his
vocals have been compared to Justin
Timberlake; Thicke soars far beyond
and lures audiences in to a sense of
wonderment.
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Jon McLaughlin – Ok Now
This singer-songwriter
is poised for success
with his newest album.
As reported earlier,
lead single “Beating My
Heart” is as perfect as
one could hope for. Now check out the
amazing support from the disco infused
“You Can Never Go Back,” and the
uplifting “You are the One I Love.” And
if those don’t croon you in his corner,
check out “We All Need Saving” and
“Smack into You.” I guarantee those,
along with a picture of him in front of
you will make you fall in lust; err I mean
love!
Jennifer Hudson –
Jennifer Hudson
Oh how an Oscar can
change ones’ life. After
failing to be the American
Idol, many counted her
out. “Spotlight,” written
by Ne-Yo is a pop song
that effectively dampens her boasting
voice, while the Timbaland track,
“Pocketbook,” shakes with a hip-hop
feel. But never fret you Dreamgirls;
there are a few tracks reminiscent of
“And I’m Telling You,” where her vocals
take off faster than a 747.
In other music news, both U2 and
Britney Spears have pushed their new
projects to 2009. Bono states that 50
new songs have been written, but that
he truly wants to give fans only the
best. And as for Britney, she’s hoping to
catch a Ray of Light wave. By teaming
up with past producers as well as
the incredible Guy Sigsworth (Bjork,
Imogen Heap, Morissette), she knows
this project is of the utmost importance.
Until next month …
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by Kimberly M. Ruff
How to Lose Friends &
Alienate People
Starring: Simon
Pegg, Kirsten
Dunst, Jeff
Bridges, Gillian
Anderson, Megan
Fox
Through sheer,
bumbling luck
does Sidney
Young (Pegg) land a job with Sharp
magazine. After accidentally releasing
a wild pig at a black-tie event, the small
time British celebrity journalist catches
the eye of Clayton Harding (Bridges),
the editor of the chic, New York-based,
magazine, who offers him a position
rubbing elbows with the cultural elite.
Like all good fatal attractions, the
behaviors that initially charmed prove
to be the ones that drive others to
distraction; in short order, Sidney
manages to upset his immediate
boss (Danny Huston), a fellow writer,
Alison (Dunst), and a power publicist
(Anderson), all necessary to his future
success. Fortunately, a actress whose
star is on the rise (Fox) takes an interest
in him and with her assistance and the
eventual thaw of co-worker Alison, he is
somehow saved from submarining his
career before it even starts. Under the
helm of seasoned director, Robert Weide
(Curb Your Enthusiasm), How to Lose
Friends & Alienate People has moments
that are like nails on a chalkboard, but
Pegg’s deftness makes Sidney somehow
still likeable and will keep you watching.
Release Date: 10/03/08.
An American Carol
Starring: Kelsey
Grammer, Dennis
Hopper, Kevin
Farley, Leslie
Nielsen
Director, David
Zucker (Airplane!)
brings his usual
brand of rude,
cheeky humor back to the big screen
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in this parody of A Christmas Carol
in which Ebenezer Scrooge is not a
hardened, disillusioned Industrialist
who hates Christmas; instead he is a
hardened, disillusioned Documentarian
in the style of Michael Moore. (Zucker
makes no effort to conceal this; Kevin
Farley plays Michael Malone, similarly
named and styled to the irreverent
Moore). Malone hates the Fourth of July
and after spending a day attempting to
abolish the holiday, he is visited in the
night by three ghosts that educate him
on the true meaning of America. Given
the political leanings of some of the cast,
this may appear on the outset to be the
conservative rebuttal to the heavy liberal
leanings of Hollywood, but at its core
it has a great message, much like the
original Christmas Carol does. Of course,
that message may be obscured by the
use of cheesy slapstick and toilet humor.
That’s for you to decide. Release Date:
10/03/08.
Saving Marriage (Documentary)
Although I’m not
quite certain if this
movie is being
released straight
to DVD or going
to theaters first, I
thought its content
was particularly
relevant and worth
reviewing. After Massachusetts became
the first state to recognize gay marriage,
legislators introduced a constitutional
amendment that would ban gay marriage.
Lobbyists, rookie activists, and ordinary
citizens with a stake in the issue, rush to
respond. This documentary directed by
Mike Roth and John Henning looks at
the players involved in one of the most
heated civil rights debates in the 21st
Century. Gay rights are within reach and
everybody wants to know – how’s it going
to end? Release Date: 10/10/08.
Questions? Comments? Reach the writer
at kimberlymruff@yahoo.com
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ionmovies
OCTOBER 2008 MOVIE OPENINGS
30
DATE
MOVIE
3
3
3
3
3
3
3
10
10
10
10
17
17
17
24
24
24
31
24
Beverly Hills Chihuahua
Comedy/ Family
Flash of Genius
Drama
Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
Comedy/ Romance
How to Lose Friends & Alienate People
Comedy
Rachel Getting Married (limited)
Drama
An American Carol
Political Comedy
Blindness
Psychological Thriller
Body of Lies
Drama/ Thriller
City of Ember
Drama
The Express
Drama/ Sports
Quarantine
Psychological Thriller
Max Payne
Action/ Thriller
The Secret Life of Bees
Adventure/ Drama
Sex Drive
Roadtrip/ Comedy
High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Teen/ Family/ Musical
Pride and Glory
Crime/ Drama
Saw V
Horror
The Haunting of Molly Hartley
Horror
Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Indie/ Romantic Comedy
GENRE
30
RATING
PG
PG-13
PG-13
R
R
PG-13
R
R
PG
PG
R
NYR
PG-13
R
G
R
R
R
R
by Wes Bergman
wesobergman@yahoo.com
Just the other day I was complaining to
my boyfriend (I have a new one!) that
a lot of the GLBT films I watch deal
specifically with issues of sexuality and
rarely make sexuality an afterthought.
Granted, sexuality is an integral part
of being a human being, so it makes
sense that it would be a storyline.
Furthermore, for many in
the gay community coming
to terms with a sexuality
that is still considered
quite taboo in mainstream
modern culture is a
seminal event, so again it
makes sense that it would
be a storyline. My point
is that while these are
admittedly big parts of our
lives, they aren’t the only
part. While I’m a gay man,
I’m not just a gay man. I’m
also a writer.
It is for this reason that I was delighted
Here! TV sent us two of the new Donald
Strachey Mysteries to review. Based
on the book series written by Richard
Stevenson, the Donald Strachey
mysteries are about a gay private
investigator (named Donald Strachey),
who lives in Albany, New York with
his life partner, Timothy Callahan, a
legislative aide to a Senator. Although
Strachey is frequently employed by the
GLBT community because they believe
his sexuality gives him a competitive
edge, his work isn’t strictly for the
community. He’s just your average
private investigator who, incidentally, is
gay. Ron Oliver has directed all the film
adaptations of Stevenson’s work, with
Chad Allen as Strachey, Sebastian
Spence as Callahan, and Nelson Wong
as Strachey’s receptionist, Kenny Kwon.
On the Other Hand, Death (2008)
Co-Starring: Margot Kidder, Gabrielle
Rose, Daryl Shuttleworth
The first scene sets the tone – Strachey
is following a shadowy woman down
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a darkened alley when suddenly guns
are pointed at him. It’s the Albany PD
and the woman he’s been following is
a cop. Cornered, Strachey explains
that he’s a private detective and this
woman’s husband paid him to follow her
to see if she’s having an affair. Sounds
reasonable, except…she’s not married.
The question then is: who
paid him to follow her
and why? At the same
time, a lesbian couple
(Rose, Kidder) becomes
the target of hate crimes
and Strachey volunteers
to find out the culprit.
While initially they seem
completely unrelated,
evidence accumulates that
suggests otherwise. How
do these two cases fit
together? Will Strachey be
able to solve it in time? Is
someone tailing him at the
same time that he’s tailing them?
Ice Blues (2008)
Unlike previous installations where
Strachey’s public and private spheres
are kept separate, Ice Blues brings
Strachey’s work home with him, or
rather, his home brings the work to him.
Strachey’s partner, Timothy, has been
working tirelessly on starting a Albanybased youth center. A lack of funds
threatens to stop it before it starts, but
Timothy receives a generous donation
from a mysterious person. Fair enough,
but the donation wasn’t really charity
when it nearly costs Timothy’s life.
Enlisting his partner’s help, the two work
side by side trying to figure out who was
behind the donation, why they’re no
longer alive, and what it all means. Like
all good mysteries, it’s a race against the
clock …
Questions? Comments? Reach the writer
at wesobergaman@yahoo.com.He loves
correspondence!
33
ION GIRL PARTY
PHOENIX, ARIZONA
34
E
ver since we were first exposed
to her now-legendary song “You
Oughta Know” in 1995, Alanis
Morissette has continued to make her
mark in the music world. In the thirteen
years that have elapsed since her
breakthrough album Jagged Little Pill,
Alanis has bared her soul, expressed
her rage, and shared her joy with
millions around the world.
INTERVIEW
ALANIS
MORISSETTE
by Corey Blanchette
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The summer of 2008 saw the release
Alanis’s 7th full-length studio album,
Flavors of Entanglement, a remarkable
piece of work with a bold new feel,
courtesy of her collaboration with
renowned writer/producer Guy
Sigsworth. Flavors infuses a fresh
electro-dance/pop element into the
emotional alternative rock sound
we’ve come to expect and love from
Alanis. This meshing of genres easily
gives Flavors of Entanglement the
credit of being the most experimental
release of her career. “Guy Sigsworth
brought a very technological aspect
to the soundscape of this record,”
Alanis told us. “I had heard the song
‘Let Go,’ by his band Frou Frou with
Imogen Heap, and I remember thinking
it was technologically so sound …
and really soulful at the same time,
and that was a rare combination. So
I flew to London and wrote half the
record there with him, and it was an
incredible experience. I’ve always
loved hybridizing; I love taking all the
different genres of music that I love
and squishing them into one moment
as best as I can without creating a train
wreck, although those are fun, too!”
Complementing her new Top-10
album is Alanis’s highly anticipated
2008 North American Tour, which
37
kicked off last month and will be
arriving at Phoenix’s Dodge Theatre
on November 11th. The exotic,
textured new material from Flavors
of Entanglement coupled with the
arsenal of mega-hits she’s collected
over the years will make for another
stellar concert experience. “I just
designed the set list a few days ago,
actually, and it is, I think, hands down
my favorite set list,” Morissette said.
“There’s a fluidity through the first
whole section of the set; it’s like water
to me, where the lights and the sound
kind of flow through one to the next.
Later in the show there’s an acoustic
section. I’ve been wanting to do that
for a long time. So we break down to
this acoustic section, and then we tie
the bow with getting plugged in again
right at the end. I’m really excited,
psyched.”
Keeping up with the ever-changing
music industry can be challenging
for recording artists who are largely
remembered for their hits from past
decades. Alanis rose to stardom
with trademark songs like “Ironic,”
“Uninvited,” and “Thank U” at a time
when “alternative” music was at its
peak. Since then, hip-hop has literally
dominated as the genre of choice for
younger listeners, leaving the singer/
songwriter an almost-dying breed of
musician, but Alanis has stood the
test of time by remaining true to her
sound and style. “I feel like I’ll be
writing until I’m dead!” she told us.
“I’m not sure who will be listening to
it, but it really isn’t something I can
control. I do talk with a lot of other
artists. There’s a sensitivity in some
of the artists that I speak to, and what
saddens me the most is when those
ALANIS MORISSETTE
artists want to throw in the towel
because of the business aspect of
things, the logistical aspects, the
climate changing, the whole branding
conversation. All of that can really kill
the soul of an artist in a way, focusing
on that side of the brain. So I’m in the
midst of speaking with some artists
who I love so much … trying to figure
out what to say to them to encourage
them to keep creating art in a way that
will allow them to survive financially,
and at the same time not kill their
soul by having it reenter them into an
industry that they don’t necessarily
resonate with.”
While other artists’ popularity have
waned with time, Alanis’s fan base has
broadened. Much of Alanis’s recent
U.S. chart success has come from
her tapping back into the properties of
dance music. “In my teen years I used
to make music that was more loop
oriented, and there was a lot more
dancing involved,” Alanis reminded
me, referring to her first two albums,
1991’s Alanis and 1992’s Now Is the
Time. These Canadian-only releases
marked Alanis’s first ventures into
the world of electronic music, and
they certainly won’t be her last. In
the past several years, remixes of
Alanis’s single “8 Easy Steps” and
her cover of the Seal classic “Crazy”
have reached the Top 10 in American
clubs, and Flavors of Entanglement’s
lead track “Underneath” is currently
following suit on the dance floor. “I
love hybridizing things. Ever since I
was probably 12 I’ve been … loving
that genre of music, basically, and
love technological music, and Guy
Sigsworth is great at bringing that
in. So I love dance mixes. I love
when songs are submitted and
people come back with their own
interpretation of it, I get giddy and
dance around my house to the
[remixes] with my friends.”
Despite the dynamic range of
emotions her music has explored
over the years, Alanis still has
a knack for being dubbed as a
scorned lover, or an angry woman.
This is undoubtedly due to the way
in which mainstream media first
introduced her music to us. As our
call drew near its close, Morissette
Top Ten Alanis “You Oughta Have” Singles
TITLE / ALUBM
1 Ironic from Jagged Little Pill
2 You Oughta Know from Jagged Little Pill
3 Uninvited from the City of Angels soundtrack
4 Thank U from Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie
5 Hand In My Pocket from Jagged Little Pill
6 Head Over Feet from Jagged Little Pill
7 Hands Clean from Under Rug Swept
8 You Learn from Jagged Little Pill
38
PEAK / CHART
Alanis’s Best Remixes
YEAR
#4 Pop, #1 Modern Rock,
1996
#5 Adult, #18 Mainstream Rock
#13 Pop Airplay, #1 Modern Rock,
1995
#3 Mainstream Rock
#4 Pop Airplay, #3 Adult,
1998
#26 Modern Rock
#17 Pop, #1 Adult,
1998
#12 Modern Rock
#15 Pop Airplay, #1 Modern Rock,
1995
#8 Mainstream Rock, #25 Adult
#3 Pop Airplay, #1 Adult,
1996
#25 Modern Rock, #27 Adult Contemporary
#23 Pop, #3 Adult
2002
9 Everything from So-Called Chaos
#6 Pop, #3 Adult, #7 Modern Rock,
1996
#23 Adult Contemporary, #40 Mainstream Rock
#76 Pop, #4 Adult
2004
10 That I Would Be Good from MTV Unplugged
#24 Adult
1999
TITLE / MIX/ YEAR
1
Underneath
The Whatever/Whatever Mix, 2008
2
Crazy
Eddie Baez Coo Coo Club Mix, 2005
3
Eight Easy Steps
Thick Dick Filter Mix, 2004
4
So Pure
Pure Ecstasy Mix, 1999
5
Uninvited
touched on how it felt to still be
referred to in that light, even after
all this time. “If I’m going to be
one-dimensionalized, it’s an honor
to be considered angry, because
anger has been swept under the
carpet so much with regards to
women, that it’s flattering,” Alanis
stated candidly. “Being onedimensionalized in general is a
funny concept ... sometimes when
people can encapsulate someone
in a sentence, they feel calmed by
it somehow. It’s almost like they feel
safe or they can let go, so I see a
lot of people doing that. The people
who want to go into the deeper
layers and go further... certainly will
have a lot more come up besides
anger. But to the extent that people
want one word or a moniker, I’ll take
it. I’ll take whatever one you want
to throw my way. It’s a projection
anyway.”
That being said, don’t miss your
chance to join us in experiencing
the anger, the introspect, the raw
emotion, and the many other
“flavors” Alanis will be showcasing
live upon her return to Arizona next
month. We’ll see you at the show!
Alanis Morissette’s 2008 North
American Tour arrives in Downtown
Phoenix on Tuesday, November
11th at Dodge Theatre, 400 W
Washington St. Tickets are on sale
now at www.livenation.com
The standard and deluxe editions
of Flavors of Entanglement are
available on iTunes and at your
favorite music retailer.
The Freemasons Remix, 2007
40
The Arizona State Fair has become one of the most
eagerly anticipated events of the year. Why? FREE
concerts with your fair admission. And not no-name
one hit wonders from the 80s. Get guaranteed premium
seats for $20 at www.azstatefair.com. Don’t forget the
corn dog, cotton candy and funnel cakes. Either way,
come out and experience the fun!
Goo Goo Dolls
“And I don’ty want the world to see me, ‘cause I don’t
think that they’d understand, when everything’s made to
be broken I just want you to know who I am” -Iris
Go see Johnny Reznik and company at the fair this
October, 16th. Tickets are free with admission, or you
could reserve your seats for just $20! We’ll see you at
the Coliseum!
Sheryl Crow
All I wanna do is have some fun, I’ve got a feelin’ the
party has just begun! Sheryl Crow, one of Lesbiandom’s
favorite pin-up girls performs at the Arizona State Fair. So
if it makes you happy, show up Tuesday, October 21 eat
some funnel cake and anything on a stick and head over
to the Veteran’s Memorial Coliseum at the fairgrounds.
ION STATE FAIR CONCERT CALENDAR
DATE
ARTIST(S)
Saturday, Oct 11
Thursday, Oct 16
Friday, Oct 17
Saturday, Oct 18
Tuesday, Oct 21
Wednesday, Oct 22
Friday, Oct 24
Larry the Cable Guy
7:00 pm
Goo Goo Dolls
7:00 pm
Blake Shelton & Miranda Lambert
7:00 pm
Weezer
6:00 pm
Sheryl Crow
7:00 pm
Mary J. Blige
7:00 pm
Old School Jam
8:00 pm
Featuring:
NAUGHTY BY NATURE...Hip Hop Hooray, O.P.P
TON LOC...Wild Thing, Funky Cold Medina
COOLIO...Fantastic Voyage, Gangsters Paradise
YOUNG MC...Bust A Move
KLYMAXX...Meet In the Ladies Room, I Miss You
CLUB NOUVEAU...Lean On Me
TIMEX SOCIAL CLUB...Rumors
Meat Loaf
7:00 pm
LL Cool J
7:00 pm
Thursday, Oct 30
Saturday, Nov 1
42
TIME
PRICE
FREE/$20
FREE/$20
FREE/$20
FREE/$20
FREE/$20
FREE/$20
FREE/$15
FREE/$15
FREE/$15
43
ION Wins 2009
AGRA Poster
Contest!
by Wes Bergman
Now that the Emmys are over and the
next season of televised goodness is
winding up again, the major networks
are releasing last season’s hits on DVD.
If you’re like me and generally wait until
word-of-mouth says a show is worth a
gander, I’ve got some reviews for you:
Pushing Daisies
Starring: Lee Pace, Anna Friel, Chi
McBride, Kristin Chenoweth
Pushing Daisies.
The series, which
premiered last
season, is about
a lonely pie
maker named
Ned (Pace),
who learns to
his chagrin that
he has the gift of life … and death. If
he touches someone who has died, he
can bring him or her back to life. But
to preserve the delicate balance of the
universe, if the revived person lives
longer than a minute, someone else
must take their place and Ned must
never touch them again, otherwise
they’ll be dead for good. When a private
investigator (McBride) learns of his gift,
the two team up to solve murder cases
by bringing the victim back to life for a
minute to ask them, and split the reward
money. Life is as peachy as it can be
for a man with these sort of talents who
cringes at the idea of getting too close
to anyone lest they die, until the day he
learns that his childhood sweetheart,
a lovely girl named Chuck (Friel), was
murdered on a cruise ship and he breaks
all the rules to save her…
Here you have the makings of the most
perfect, bittersweet love story – two
souls that are now bound to one another
through the covenant of life and yet
can never touch or the covenant will be
broken. With our soon-to-be shift to HD
in 2009, shows like Pushing Daisies
will make it an experience to watch
primetime, network television.
44
Dirty Sexy Money
Starring: Peter Krause, Donald
Sutherland, Blair Underwood, William
Baldwin
All Nick George
(Krause) wants is
to get as far away
as possible from
the omnipresent
Darlings, the
wealthiest family
in New York who
have their finger in every pie and the
entire town on their payroll, including
Nick’s father, the family lawyer. When Nick
learns that his father’s plane mysteriously
crashed into the Hudson, he takes on
his father’s old job to find out who was
responsible.
Dirty Sexy Money has all the charm of a
sleazy tabloid, but that’s what makes it
so addictive. What makes it so trashy?
Every member of the Darling household
is a painful stereotype: you have the
eldest son, Patrick (Baldwin) who is
running for public office while schtupping
a transsexual; the eldest daughter, Karen
(Natalie Zea) who spends her days
getting married or divorced and her nights
slowly embalming herself; the middle son,
Brian (Glenn Fitzgerald), the Man of God
who appears hell-bent on breaking every
Commandment; and the fraternal twins,
Jeremy (Seth Gabel) and Juliet (Samaire
Armstrong) who crave independence
and yet haven’t the first idea of how to
do things by themselves. Leveling all this
madcap insanity off are the patriarch and
matriarch of the family: Tripp (Sutherland)
and Letitia (Jill Clayburgh). Further
driving a wedge between the “us and
them” aspects of the Darlings wealth is
their juxtaposition to Krause’s Nick.
The Darlings are, at the core, people who
want what we all want but cannot buy
– love, understanding, and respect. Now if
we only knew who killed Nick’s father…
Questions? Comments? E-mail
45
David Sedaris
Join the literary fags of Phoenix for an evening of laff-out-loud fun
when NPR’s favorite queer author, humorist and personality David
Sedaris reads from his work. The obsessive/compulsive Sedaris will
expound about everything like lancing boils on his ass, kidnapping a
whore on Christmas Eve, taxi drivers wanting blow jobs and autopsies
on corpses. A must-see. It all happens at ASU Gammage, Wednesday,
October 22, 1200 S. Forest Ave. or call 480-965-3434 for tix.
A Vampire Tale
Here’s something you can sink your teeth into! Those fleet-footed
vampires at Scorpius Dance Theatre will seduce you with 15 alluring,
dancing creatures of the night in their fifth year staging this crowd
pleasing gothic masterpiece of dance. The concert features aerial feats,
dark and sexy drama that’s bloody sensational. It happens October 30November 8 at The Little Theatre at Phoenix Theatre at 100 E. McDowell
Rd. For tix call 602-254-2151 or visit www.scorpiusdance.com
OCTOBER 2008 ION THEATER + STANDUP
46
DATE
EVENT/ARTIST
LOCATION
PHONE
thru 11
thru 11
thru 11
thru 12
thru 19
thru 11/16
2-19
2-12
3-19
3-19
4
9-12
9-26
10-11/02
14-19
16-30
16-11/02
15-28
16--11/29
16-19
17
22
23-24
24-11/09
30-11/08
31-1/04
31-11/15
31-16
31-2
Everything Will Be Different
As You Like It
Wait Until Dark
Lost Languages
The Producers
Not Now, Darling
Together Forever
Britney Spears for President
Kidnapped by Craigslist
The Seven Year Itch
NBC’s Last Comic Standing
Death in a Landslide
Enchanted April
The Wiz
The Rat Pack: Live at the Sands
Looking into the Abyss
Gem of the Ocean
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
Camelot
Robert Schimmel
Kathleen Madigan
David Sedaris
Phoenix Follies IV
View of the Harbor
A Vampire Tale
Blithe Spirit
Eat the Taste
Senor Torguga
Midsummer Night’s Dream
Stray Cat Theatre
Mesa Arts Center Theatres
Hale Theatre Center
Playhouse in the Park
Phoenix Theatre
Copperstate Dinner Theatre
Theatre Artists Studio
Chryo Arts Venue
Soul Invictus
Central Community Theatre
Mesa Arts Center
Mesa Community College
Herberger Theater Center
Scotts. Desert Stages Theatre
ASU Gammage
Theatre Artists Studio
Playhouse in the Park
Hale Theatre Center
Hale Theatre Center
Tempe Improv
Mesa Arts Center
ASU Gammage
Phoenix Theatre
Little Theatre at Phx Theatre
Scotts. Desert Stages Theatre
Stageworks at Mesa Arts Ctr.
Ballet Arizona/Symphony Hall
480-820-8022
480-644-6500
480-497-1181
602-264-0402
602-254-2121
602-279-3129
602-765-0120
480-329-2929
602-135-9915
602-357-3247
480-644-6500
480-461-7170
602-252-8497
480-483-1664
480-965-3434
602-765-0120
602-264-0402
480-497-1181
480-497-1181
480-921-9877
480-644-6500
480-965-3434
602-254-2151
602-252-8497
602-254-2151
480-483-1664
602-347-1071
480-644-6560
602-381-1096
47
Cibo: “Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli.”
You know how one
befuddlingly popular
national faux Italian
restaurant claims,
“When you’re here,
you’re family”? That
is, as they say in
Italy, “Una enorme
stronzata.” That
means something
about a cow going
number two.
Frankly, I’ve eaten
there and if the other
diners there were
part of my gene pool
I’d hang myself from
my family tree.
Not the case at
the Roosevelt
neighborhood’s Cibo
Urban Wine Café
& Pizzeria. Gracious
owners Tony and Karen Martingilio greet
diners with the genuine, heartfelt, “Nella
casa, si mangia bene” which roughly
translates into “It’s our house, so eat well!”
or where I come from, “Come an’ git it!”
Let’s just say with that invitation, Tony and
Karen made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.
Cibo’s renovated Craftsman-style
cottage is homey and the yard features a
welcoming, large, seductive patio perfect
for a romantic tête- à-t ête with someone
special or your friends.
More Restaurants.
More Choices.
More Value.
Check out the new
Daily Specials Guide
on page 86!
48
Our scrummy waiter, Matt, brought us our
menu and frankly, I could’ve picked him
for the appeteaser, entrée and dessert.
But I had to maintain a modicum of
what masquerades for professionalism.
Especially since my publisher was there
and picking up the tab.
With a sensuous, resonant, wellmodulated baritone voice, the
knowledgeable Matt suggested a lovely
glass of Chianti to start with. I thought of
a completely different
kind of suggestion
that probably wasn’t
appropriate at the
time, so I took his.
For the antipasti start
off with the Three
Pairs of Bruschetta for
$9. This treat features
six toothsome bread
slabs made on the
premises. One duo
is heaped with grape
tomatoes and basil,
another is mounded
with cannelini beans
and the last two with
prosciutto crudo and
mozzarella. Delicioso!
But wait, bambinos,
there’s more! A
must is the Antipasto
Speciale. This is a mixed dish with
prosciutto crudo, bresaola with arugula
and parmigiano, roasted red peppers with
black olives and capers, Cipolle di Rosa,
fresh mozzarella and grape tomatoes
served with a what the menu describes
as “a fantasy of olives.” Once I read about
that “fantasy” thing my wandered, as
you can imagine, back to our waiter. The
“small” size is hefty and only $12.
Now a quick word about Cibo’s exquisite
ingredients that you should know: their
prosciutto is San Daniele Black Label
Reserva aged 18 months and DOP
– that means Denomination of Protected
Origin. Like how only champagne from
France can be called true champagne.
That’s DOP for you. The mouth-watering
Bresaola is naturally aged for at least
three months and the Parmigiano
Reggiano is a “Stravecchio” and a 36month special reserve. Cibo’s proudly
features Tomatoes San Marzano – Italy’s
most famous tomato and exclusively a
DOP. That’s how much Cibo cares about
October
2008 2008
WWW.IONAZ.COM
October
WWW.IONAZ.COM 49
their lovingly prepared food.
You know how some of wood-fired ovens
are “tutto fumo e niente arrosto?” That’s
Italian for “all smoke and no fire.” Under
the careful guidance and watchful eye Chef
Guido Saccone from Italy, only 30-yearsold, performs as the restaurant’s expert
pizzaiolo. He goes through about 70 logs of
mesquite or oak firewood every day. Each
pie is hand-tossed, made to order and
topped with a bit of extra virgin olive oil. I
haven’t seen an extra virgin anything in I
don’t know how long.
When the moon hits your eye like a big
pizza pie, that’s amore. And we fell in
love with the Rustica, a “pizze bianche.” It
features mozzarella, topped with prosciutto
and after the pie is cooked, a bed of fresh,
nutty arugula is heaped on top. I couldn’t
help but imagine Waiter Matt on a bed of
arugula. Anyway … I digress.
Then we tucked into the giant Calzone
– pizza dough stuffed with ricotta, tomato
sauce, prosciutto cotto, salami and
mozzarella. You can make a couple of
meals out of one, and it’s only $12.
By all means, save room for the sweets -and I mean dessert, not Matt. Did you think
that Crêpes Suzette was something that
people only ordered in the movies? Nope.
They actually make it here and set it on
fire, too. If you like marmalade you’ll love it!
And definitely try the crêpe with delicious
marscapone cheese and Nutella®, the
chocolatey hazelnut spread and topped
with vanilla ice cream. Just take a wild
guess who I’d like to spread Nutella® on?
Is there a theme to this column?
Come “home” to Cibo. Avoid the admirable,
highly touted, but overcrowded pizza parlor
at Heritage Square with the hours long
waits among society snobs. Because at
Cibo, you’re a lot closer to being with family
than that chain restaurant. You can tell Matt
I sent you.
You’ll find Cibo at 603 N. 5th Ave., Phoenix
Phone: 602-441-2697
Hours: M-F Lunch 11-2 Dinner: 5-9
Dinner: Tues-Thurs 5-10
Dinner: Fri-Sat 5-11. Closed Sunday
www.CiboPhoenix.com
50
After a two year hiatus Dario’s back
with a new record, Dedicated, a
controversial music video directed by
Merrilee Burke, and a successful U.S.
tour which stops in Phoenix October
4th. Despite his busy schedule Dario
sat down with us to tell us how it’s
going.
forms - gay, straight, and lesbian. But
in the end you guys are the judge so go
to my webpage darioonline.com, click
on the link and let me know what you
think.
ION: What’s life on the road like?
Dario: Amazing! She is so detail
oriented and makes you feel so
comfortable in front of the camera. I
was so nervous when we had our first
meeting but she made me feel at ease
and really listened to what I wanted and
how I wanted to portray the song. Now
we’re such good friends and I can’t wait
to shoot the next video together.
Dario: It’s a lot of work, but I love it. The
fans are amazing and the response I’m
getting is so worth it.
ION: What city did you like the most?
Dario: It’s hard to pick one, they’re all
special in their own way but I do have
to say that I can’t wait to play Phoenix.
[Arizona is] my home state and I haven’t
been home in awhile.
ION: Dedicated is so different from
Lies, what made you take a new
direction in your sound?
Dario: “Lies” was actually suppose to
be an R&B song but when I was in the
studio with the producer we played with
so many different sounds and it took on
a life of its own and became a dance
song. I re-recorded an R&B version of
Lies and put it on Dedicated and I’ve
had a pretty good response.
INTERVIEW
52
DARIO
ION: Tell us about the controversy
behind your music video “You
Belong To Me”?
ION: What was it like working with
director Merrilee Burke?
ION: What’s next for you?
Dario:I’m looking forward to the next
record. This time I’m going to work
with different writers and producers,
something I’ve never done before. I’m
going to step outside myself and let
other creative forces be involved, and
together make something for the fans
that have supported me unconditionally.
I’m also going to tour different countries
and hopefully rest a little.
Dario’s album Dedicated is available
now on Amazon.com and iTunes.
Also, be sure to catch his performance
at Rainbows Festival on Saturday,
October 4th!
It certainly was not my intention to have
this happen over what I think is art and
a positive outlook for everyone. When
Merrilee and I had our first phone call to
discuss the direction of the video, I told
her I wanted to showcase love in all its
54
56
58
60
62
64
COMING
NOVEMBER:
The BIGGEST,
BADDEST,
BOLDEST Holiday
Gift Guide Ever!
66
68
70
CREDITS
What They’re Wearing:
Meltin’ Pot Distressed Jean from Varo Men’s Boutique
Antik Denim Jeans from Dragonfly Boutique
Page 57
Monarchy Jeans from Varo Men’s Boutique
Imported Rosary from from Dragonfly Boutique
Page 59
Nanibon patch sleave from Varo Men’s Boutique
Diamond Studded earrings and ring from AMG Jewelery Design Center
Page 61
Jacket with print with lapels from Varo Men’s Boutique
Imported Rosary from from Dragonfly Boutique
Page 65
Skinny Puppy by Howe from Varo Men’s Boutique
White Label Shirt by 3J Workshop from Varo Men’s Boutique
Page 67
Page 69
The Lush T-shirt by Howe from Varo Men’s Boutique
True Religion Jeans from Varo Men’s Boutique
Joey Silver Pocket from Varo Men’s Boutique
Calendar Monarchy Jeans from Varo Men’s Boutique
Below
Aniki Jeans from Varo Men’s Boutique
ChiliRED Shirts from Dragonfly Boutique
KiKi Vermont’s wardrobe is her own. Special thanks to Miss Gay Scottsdale, Mya
McKenzie and Toby for their wardrobe assistance.
Page 55
Photo Credits:
Photography by Carl James Models are Miss Kiki Vermont, Landon, Matthew from
Dick’s Cabaret, and Varo. Art Direction Kevin Bushaw
Makeup by Anton Khatchaturian
Production Assistant Blue
Shot at Palazzo- thanks to Justin Layman & Steven Rogers.
Thanks to Cynthia and Freakk from Dick’s Cabaret, Gabriel Diaz from Dragonfly
Boutique and Adam from Varo Men’s Boutique.
PHOENIX, ARIZONA
72
74
ION BROKE STRAIGHT BOYS.COM
DES TIN ATION SCOT T SDA L E
76
Vol. 2, Issue 7
OCTOBER 2008
��
OUTRAGEOUS!
Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.
��
U.S. Gay Teens Hot for
Republican Pin Up Boys
WASHINGTON
D.C. – Young
homosexual boys
from Republican
families everywhere
are harboring
crushes on Jack
McCain, 22, son of
Presidential nominee
Sen. John McCain
(R-AZ) and Track
Palin, 19, son of
Gov. Sarah Palin,
(R-AL), McCain’s Vice Presidential running
mate.
��
The handsome, strapping young Jack is
currently a midshipman at the U.S. Naval
Academy. The smoldering young McCain
has straight, white teeth and dimples you
could camp in. He speaks also Farsi,
Japanese and Afrikaans and writes poetry.
filled with many
defenseless and
innocent citizens
including women
and children.
“I think Jack is
just dreamy,”
gushed Toby
Anderson, 17,
of Glendale,
Arizona. “He
loves cooking,
and I’m sending him a recipe for Veal
Oscar. Low cal, of course.” Toby is just one
of many young, aspiring homosexual boys
who have posters and pictures of Jack and
Track tacked up on his bedroom wall.
��
“Jack and Track are, like, the bomb!”
squealed Shane McAllison, 16, of Bay
Village, Ohio. “They’re, like, way hot
and way sexy! I hope I can go to, like,
��
The
sexy, young Track Palin was a member
Washington or Iraq so I can see them
of Alaska’s National Guard and recently
someday! But when the weather’s, like,
inducted into the U.S. Army. He was
nice.”
described as “hot” by no less a personage
than the sexually profligate heiress, Paris
If the McCain and Palin ticket goes all the
Hilton, herself. Track has a winning, devilway to D.C. Americans may look forward to
may-care attitude and enjoys severing the
a new “celebreality” series being developed
brake lines of elementary school buses
by Fox called “Jack & Track: First and
in his free time. He’ll soon be armed him
Vice Brats of America, Sons of the Axis of
with heavy artillery in a foreign country
Weasels.”
��
��
78
��
FOX Network to Premiere
Dancing With The Has-Beens
HOLLYWOOD
– Following ABC’s
Other aged stars
lead with the
scheduled to
enormous success
participate is Gone
of prime time
With The Wind’s
competition, Dancing
Olivia de Havilland,
With The Stars,
92, who will be
the Fox Channel is
paired with screen
planning to debut a
and funnyman and
competitive show
telethon kingpin
called, Dancing With
Jerry Lewis.
The Corpses where
budding, young
Casting directors
��
Hollywood
hopefuls
also have Golden
will be paired up
Girls’ TV starts Bea
with an aging, longArthur and Betty
forgotten star of
White, both 86,
yesteryear.
who’ll be dancing
with old timers
“We’re very excited
Ernest Borgnine,
about this show,”
92 and MGM
said one of the network’s producers. “We
great, Mickey Rooney, 88. Speculation has
figured that if legendary actress Cloris
included adding Tarzan’s sidekick, Cheeta the
Leachman can get out there and boogie at the
Chimp, who is 76 and living in Palm Springs,
ripe old age of 82-years-old, we can surely
California.
go out to the Motion Picture and Television
Country House – a retirement home for old
The arthritic stars won’t be carefully
��
actors
– and scare up a few has-beens to cut a
waltzing, either. Choreographer Debbie Allen
��
rug on the show. Dead is the new alive. Well,
enthused, “They’ll do the foxtrot, tango,
almost. You know what I mean.”
merengue and cha-cha – dances that require
energy and athleticism. If there’s not at least
Slated for the competition is Shirley Temple,
four broken hips by the time this season’s
80, who sang tap-danced her way into a
finished, I’ll be surprised.”
America’s heart during the depths of the
Depression. “We’re anxious to see how she
One producer said, “We expect this show to
performs,” said Alan Montague, the show’s
be a big success. In a few years Madonna
director. “She was a big child star, but at her
will be old enough to compete. That season
age, one false step and it’s all over.”
should be a real chart-topper.”
��
��
��
��
��
��
80
��
Clay Aiken Comes Out of Closet.
Nobody Cares or Suprised.
��
A Quality Inn. We
couldn’t believe
it either. But
Aiken’s sex romp
was with a former
Green Beret, and
that’s really pretty
hot and counts
for something.
��
So guess who’s
“You’ve got to
having the last
be kidding me?”
laugh now,
exclaimed Clemetta
Freckle Pecker?
Lou Hardesty, 32,
Chi Chi LaRue
of Tulsa, Oklahoma.
is eager to cast
“You mean he just
Aiken in his first
now figured that
commercially
out? I mean, dead
released porn
people know that
film, tentatively
Clay Aiken’s a card
titled CumAlot
carrying homosexual!
with Aiken as
Christ, I figured out
insatiable pig
he was a butt-pirate
bottom, Sir Throbbin.
once he got those highlights in his hair.”
RALEIGH, N.C.
– Nobody in America
was shocked when
American Idol runnerup Clay Aiken finally
decided to come
out of the closet on
September 24.
��
��
��
Meanwhile, literally thousands of fat, aging,
Aiken, 29, recently fathered a child via
overweight American housewives with
artificial insemination since he couldn’t
hollow, shallow, meaningless, empty lives
possibly attain let alone maintain an erection
in the company of a nude female and perform except for a bunch of cats calling themselves
��
“Claymates” are heartbroken to discover that
sexual intercourse, ultimately achieving
Aiken is queer.
orgasm, because that’s how babies are
traditionally made, not with the use of a
“Oh my Lord,” cried Henrietta Ferguson,
turkey baster.
71, of LaGrange, Lousiana. “Tell me this
ain’t so! Now you’re gonna gell me Ricky
Aiken endured scandals and rumors casting
Martin’s gay!”
aspersions upon his masculinity ever since
the American Idol competition in 2003. One
So Clay Aiken is a cocksucker. That’s not
man claimed to have had sex with Aiken on
news. But Lindsey Lohan is a muff diver?
January 2, 2006 in a Quality Inn. Yes, really.
Now that’s news.
��
��
��
��
Tropicana Adds
New Varieties to
Orange Juice Line
��
��
Late Harvest,
BRADENTON,
City Style, Urban
Fl – Nothing says,
Style, Suburban
“Good
morning!”
��
Style, Country
like a glass of
French, High
fresh-squeezed
Fertilization,
Florida orange
Plain, Fancy,
juice. Orange Juice
Extra-Fancy, with
lovers everywhere
High Fructose
rejoiced when
Corn Syrup,
Tropicana Orange
Light, Full
Juice, a wholly
Strength, Extra
owned subsidiary
Strength, Non-sweetened, Tart, Extra Tart,
of PepsiCo in Florida, the Sunshine State,
Bitter, Downright Sour, Caffeinated, De-caf,
released more varieties of “liquid sunshine”
Guarana, Taurine, Red Bull, Hair, Leaves,
to complement their fine family of the
Beer, Jagermeister, Low Cal, Southern
breakfast beverage which also goes great
Style, Extra Crispy, Baked, Cajun Flavored,
with vodka.
Lowered Tar & Nicotine, Bacon, Grapefruit,
Dill Pickle, Jalapeno, Cheddar-ific, Aspirin,
“We realized that in addition to lovers of
Bark, Crystal Clear, with Extra Kibble,
Extra Pulp, Some Pulp, No Pulp, Home
Cricket, Dander-free, Ethanol, Tuna, Liver,
Style or with Calcium, there are many
Chicken, Britney Spears and now featuring
other styles of orange juices that juice
��
Roll Over Minutes with a signed, two-year
lovers everywhere will embrace,” said Kyle
agreement.
Manchester, spokesman for Tropicana.
“Our already large family of orange juices
Tropicana bottling plants guarantee that
will appeal to existing and new OJ lovers
every bottle of orange juice they sell is
everywhere.”
Dolphin Safe, Fragrance and Detergent Free
and endorsed by the International Ladies’
New varieties include: Country Style, Extra
Garment Workers Union. It is proudly
Calcium, Low Vitamin C, Classic, with
bottled in the U.S.A. using Brazilian oranges
Aspertame, Late Harvest, Early Harvest,
America sold them in the first place.
Mid-Harvest, Mid to Late Harvest, Extra
��
��
82
��
84
1.
Amsterdam
718 N. Central Ave. - Downtown Phoenix
(602) 258-6122
2.
Apollo’s
5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix
(602) 277-9373
3.
Bar 1
(602) 266-9001
4.
BS West
7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale
(480) 945-9028
5.
Bunkhouse
4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix
(602) 200-9154
6.
Cash Inn
2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 244-9943
7.
cellblock
Closed until further notice
(602) 266-5640
8.
Charlie’s
727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 265-0224
9.
The Chute Men’s Club
1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 234-1654
C
Clarendon Hotel
401 W. Clarendon Ave. - Phoenix
(602) CLARENDON
10.
Club Vibe
3031 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 224-9977
11.
Cruisin’ 7th
(602) 212-9888
12.
Dick’s Cabaret
3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 274-DICK
13.
Friends
(602) 277-7729
14.
Forbidden
6820 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale
forbiddenaz.com
15.
Homme
138 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 266-0875
16.
icepics videobar
(602) 267-8707
17.
New: INCOGNITO
2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 955-9805
18.
Karamba
(602) 254-0231
19.
Kobalt
3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix
(602) 264-5307
20.
Miami
716 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix
(602) 258-6122
21.
OZ
1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 242-5114
22.
Plazma
1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 266-0477
23.
Pumphouse II
(602) 275-3509
24.
Retro Bar
3114 E. Cactus Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 493-0355
25.
The Rock
(602) 248-8559
26.
Roscoe’s
(602) 285-0833
27.
Sky Lounge - Juicy Thursdays
138 E. Washington Rd. - Phoenix
28.
Taylor’s Tavern
15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix
(602) 867-2463
29.
Velocity
(602) 956-2885
30.
Wild Card
801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler
(480) 857-3088
31.
Z Girl Club
(602) 265-3233
��
Discount Cab:
Yellow Cab:
AAA Cab:
PHOENIX
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Amsterdam
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Apollo’s*
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Bar 1
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BS West
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Charlie’s
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Club Vibe
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Dick’s Cabaret
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Forbidden
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icepics
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� Maizie’s
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� Mi Patio
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Karamba
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Pumphouse II
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Roscoe’s*
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Sky Lounge
� Switch
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� Ticoz
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� Wild Thaiger
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� Woody’s
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TUCSON
�
86
602-200-2000
602-252-5252
602-437-4000
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IF IT’S NOT IN��, IT’S NOT HAPPENING!
TUCSON NIGHTLIFE
CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Ain’t Nobody’s Biz
Colors
Howl at the Moon
IBT’s
Miguel’s Mexican Restaurant
Rainbow Planet Coffee House
Venture-N
Woody’s
Yard Dog
2900 E. Broadway
5305 E. Speedway
915 W. Prince Rd.
616 N. 4th Ave.
5900 N. Oracle Rd.
606 N. 4th Ave.
1239 N. 6th Ave.
3710 N. Oracle Rd.
2449 N. Stone
(520) 318-4838
(520) 323-1840
(520) 293-7339
(520) 882-3053
(520) 887-3777
(520) 620-1770
(520) 882-8224
(520) 292-6702
(520) 624-3858
445 S. Alvernon Way
5335 E. Broadway Blvd.
5900 N. Oracle Rd.
204 S. Scott Ave.
3800 E. Sunrise Dr.
(520) 881-4200
(520) 745-2700
(520) 887-4800
(877) 670-9022
(520) 742-6000
ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING
1
2
3
4
5
88
Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park
Embassy Suites
La Posada Lodge and Casitas
Royal Elizabeth B&B
The Westin La Paloma
ION PARTY CAM
PHOENIX, ARIZONA
92
by Addison DeWitt
Okay, kiddies! I know all you gay boys
and lesbians are on the edge of your
bidet! The “Katy Perry” doll is here! The
chanteuse who sang “I Kissed A Girl”
and “Ur So Gay” has a limited edition
doll available. Actually, I think it’s an old
Jacklyn Smith Charlie’s Angels doll. It
doesn’t even look like her. It’s available
now for $49.99. You’ll be lucky if you
can get $9 for it on eBay along with that
RuPaul doll you just “had to have” back
in 2005.
Is love in the air? Or
someone’s heels? My spies
tell me that smoldering
David “Clean My” Kitchen
was seen gazing raptly
across a Groovy Grilled
Cheese sandwich at Maizie’s
Bistro and into the eyes
of that popular tenderoni,
Devin Slayton. I expect an
invitation to the shower. Not
the Bridal Shower, sillies.
The actual shower. In your
bathroom. With both of you
in it. Together. With me. At
the same time. Keep me
posted.
The Labor Day proved to
be one of the best ever,
with the Clarendon Hotel
+ Suites as the backdrop
for a weekend of fun ‘n’ frolic poolside
and the requisite Moonlight Madness
well after midnight. With all the traffic
up through the halls of the hotel you
would’ve thought you were in Grand
Central Terminal. And for the first time
ever, we also promoted a pool party just
for you ladies! The “Beaver Bash” – as I
like to call it – was a big hit with the Over
the Shoulder Boulder Holder & Tittie
Committee by all accounts. Each one of
you girls drank enough beer to fill each
cup of a 56FF bra several times over
throughout the course of the day.
SWAY Events’ “Live & Local” series
was a tremendous success, providing a
94
forum for the Valley’s up ‘n’ coming gay
music artists to display their talents. I
caught the Cary Grant gorgeous Jeffrey
Hattrick – an actual Patio 71 resident
– crooning at Kobalt. As the RitzCarlton’s ritzy tea-time tootsie, movie
star-gorgeous maître d’tea Hattrick can
warble his way into my tea-cozy anytime.
This Darjeeling darling puts the “ooh”
in Oolong. Jeffrey knows all the “tea,”
girlfriends. Snap! And you thought I
was going to stoop so low
as to make a vulgar joke
about “tea bagging.” Really
now! Just what kind of a
pervert do you think I am?
Don’t answer that. But I did
throw my panties on stage
for Jeffrey. I’ll slip out of
wet clothes and into a dry
mar“tea”ni with you anytime,
honey.
Meanwhile, everybody’s
favorite freakazoid in
foundation, glamourpuss
Geoffrey Paris and
his minions in make-up
performed at Forbidden in
a show that is safe to say
left me with my celebrated
big, fat, mouth hanging
open. These too-too
talented 21st Century Klub
Kidz wowed this old fogey
with their energy, flair, eyeliner and their
cutting edge couture from the Juniors’
Department. I think the last thing that
Size 2 fashionalities Boy Shawn and
Quinn ate was a Tic-Tac in 2005.
I was, however, somewhat shocked
and nonplussed – not by the daring
and liberal use of lip gloss – but when
la Paris tossed out those nefarious
eensy-weensy zip-lock “baggies” filled
with a curious crystalline substance.
I later heard reports that hoovering
up the contents of Pixie Stix that filled
them really burns the nasal cavities.
Remember, darlings, “Hugs, not drugs.”
Not even the “pretend” ones. Just say,
95
(Continued)
“No – thank you, but it all looks delicious.”
Sends out the wrong signal, n’est-ce pas?
Real drugs went out with Studio 54. We
want to keep you little, gender-bending
darlings healthy and in Bonnebelle Lip
Smackers for years to come. After all: you
are the future of America and I’m depending
on you to wipe my bottom when I’m old,
infirm and incontinent. Oh God, oh God, oh
God … I weep for the future.
Fans on hand included The Unsinkable
Kirk Baxter, the eternally tantalizing
taste temptation Tim DePlanche with my
favorite shutterbug Gregg Edelman, and
the mesmerizing hottie Matt Little. I also
had the chance to flirt with DJ Tsunami.
Forbidden’s adorablicious Clancy was
there, and Phoenix gadabout, Ian Arizona
née Carter. And who doesn’t just love
“Fun” Bobby Hess? I do.
Well, bust my buttons, pardners, I moseyed
on down to the ever-popular Charlie’s
where bartender Jeff Valenzuela promised
96
me he never stopped loving me. Honest.
He did. Ask him. Go ahead. Ask.
And some really hot guy named “Tony”
who insisted I give him a hickey. What
could I do but cooperate? Hope that
worked out for you, pal! That was before
one big, blonde drag queen who’s
evidently too big for her panty hose
decided to insult me for no reason. And all
this time I thought we were friends! Boo,
hiss! Who asked you to give them a hickey
that night, huh? Name one! Really, now!
How could you?
We have a rather important election
coming up early next month. Maybe you’ve
heard about it? There’s lots to consider.
Like Prop 102. That’s a “no” vote. So
remember to vote early and vote often.
_
If you’d like Addison to give you a hickey
let him know. He can be reached at
RumorHound@aol.com
97
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
In October, your posse may
become less than reliable. Don’t
let small setbacks to your social
plans ruin your entire month.
Keep things simple and go with
the flow, ‘mo.
Libra
Sept. 23 - Oct. 22
Screw it! Bail out on your monotonous day-to-day agenda and go
have a little fun. Your to do list will
be there when you get back (And
besides, we’re all starting to get a
little bored of you).
Scorpio
Oct. 23 - Nov. 23
Don’t let a bad hair day kill your
buzz. Work with what you’ve got
and do your best to glam it up
while trying out a new spontaneous style.
Sagittarius
Nov. 23-Dec. 23
This month, be careful not to let
anxiety get the best of you. Take
deep breaths, stop biting your
nails, and try to chill. If that doesn’t
work, I suggest pills and heavy
drinking.
Capricorn
Dec. 23- Jan. 20
Guilt trips be gone! Stop letting
other people push you around.
You know what’s right and wrong.
If you want to be part of immature
social circles, hit up a playground
(Wait, don’t -- that’s creepy!)
Aquarius
Jan. 21 - Feb. 19
Give yourself a romance time-out.
Put the brakes on your hot pursuit
for the next cute piece of ass and
focus on spoiling yourself instead.
98
Pisces
Feb. 20 - Mar. 20
October will be a fabulous month for
you. Make sure to take full advantage of and relish in your fierceness. Make other people jealous
and harvest your happiness until it
makes people puke with envy.
Aries
Mar. 21 - Apr. 20
A boost of cash flow will help to
open up your options this month.
Get creative with how you spend
your green and go all out to experience something totally new.
Taurus
Apr. 21 - May 20
Gemini
May 21 - June 21
Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Misunderstandings and mixed messages are going to make October
a tricky time of the year. Don’t try
terribly hard to read in between the
lines.
It’s October! You have all month
to work on finding the sluttiest
costume possible. Go on, skank it
up. Halloween is the perfect excuse
to release your inner sex kitten and
whore it up for the holidays.
Beg and plead until you get what
you want. October is full of surprises, but you’re going to have to
get down on your hands and knees
before your reward comes along.
Leo
July 23 - Aug. 22
Perk up punk! There’s nothing more
depressing than a party-pooper.
Stop being a wallflower and
make yourself the life of the party.
There’s no time for pity parties this
fall, honey.
100

PAST_ISSUES_files/IONAZ 88 Oct 2008 pages

Transcription

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