Pelican - The University of Western Australia

Transcription

pelican
volume 78
edition 1
uwa student newspaper
growing up
a melbourne
prison guard
shares his
opinion on the
death penalty.
19
21-34
pelican tackles the ‘growing
up’ theme – read about how
the birds and the bees became
bisexuals, and why you shouldn’t
be afraid to eat fairy bread.
48
TO CONTACT PELICAN
Visit 1st floor Guild Building
p: 6488 2284
f: 6488 1041
e: pelican@guild.uwa.edu.au
www.myspace.com/uwapelican
TO ADVERTISE IN PELICAN
Please contact Sean Hettich:
p: 6488 2211
f: 6488 1041
e: membership@guild.uwa.edu.au
contents
12
freshers, welcome
to a whole new
world! check out
your o day map,
your guide to
personalities on
campus and much
much more.
paul keating sings
and dances.
39
all the latest video
games, reviewed in
WLSPJHUMVY[OLÄYZ[
time ever.
42
the shins talk about
being misinterpreted
regular stuff
4
info
Å`VU[OL^HSS
6
7
8 22
23
ÔH[»ZVUYV\UK
JHTW\Z
24
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26
28
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welcome to
uni
12
21
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50 TP_LKIHN
10
growing up
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!NHPUPUN\UP
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[VWLYZVUHSP[PLZ
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29
30
32
33
14 `V\YVKH`THW
16 PU[YVK\JPUN5<:
34
beyond uwa
film
17
19
20
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35
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gaming
39
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music
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books
44
46
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arts
47
48
49
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DISCLAIMER: The views in this Campus rag do not represent the views of the Guild or the Editor.
EDITOR
Magda Wozniak
CONTRIBUTORS
Anna Johnson
GRAPHIC DESIGN
Bec Kohn
Abby Asomani
Clint Jasper
Su-Anne Lee
Eva Bates
Jesse Le
Jessica Bovenkirk
Daniel Beresford
Danielle Marsland
ADVERTISING
Sean Hettich
Mike Blanchard
Will May
SUB EDITORS
Abby Asomani
Joe Boats
Tim McMinn
Trent Bowen
Trent Bowen
Jack Midalia
Zarah Burgess
Robert Brennan
Laura Miller
Lyrian Evans
Zarah Burgess
Amity Moncharlotte
Gemma Nisbet
Enrico Burgio
Gemma Nisbet
Ed Percival
the usual
COVER DESIGN
o ffer applies to
lar g e pizzas o nly
Jennifer Tate
Zoe Chua
ILLUSTRATOR
Jeffrey Rudolph
Caroline Dale
Vidya Rajan
ARTS EDITOR
Vidya Rajan
Sarah Elliott
Tom Reynolds
Jennifer Tate
Lyrian Evans
Nisha Richardson
FILM EDITOR
Abby Asomani
Daniel Gibbons
Domenic Rose
GAMES EDITOR
Nik Barron
Michelle Goodwin
Jeffrey Rudolph
MUSIC EDITOR
Nisha Richardson
(UUL.YPMÄU(WWHKVV
Rosie Sitorus
Jeff Hansen
Nicholas Van Hattem
BOOKS EDITOR
Å`VU[OL^HSS by Jeffrey Rudolph
Emma Helsby
4
Guild Tavern
A@
thi
the usual
si
s
e...
lly m
rea
says:
The concept of ‘growing up’ has
always been very close to my heart.
My catalogue of childhood memories
is littered with dreams and plans and
Nostradamus-style calculations - all
born out of an obsessive preoccupation
with life-beyond-the-present, or, more
ZWLJPÄJHSS` SPMLIL`VUKJOPSKOVVK 4`
youger self was utterly obsessed with the
notion of growing into another person;
a person who was allowed to get their
ears pierced, a person who could deal
with a pet’s death, a person at long last
free of their baby fat (see above).
Only recently have I begun to realise that
I may have actually become this person
- that I may have actually entered this
long sought after ‘future’.
These
blissful moments of epiphany usually
accompany
seemingly
innocuous
incidents; like when I don’t get asked
for ID, when I fearlessly eat ice-cream
before dinner, or when I write wanky
editorials as if I were some sort of
H\[OVYP[`ÄN\YL
reason, and that reason is my existence
within the realm of university – in that
mystical space that lingers somewhere
between the child and the adult.
For those of you who are only just
commencing uni life, a whole new
existence awaits you. You’re about
to enter a world where it is perfectly
normal to stay out until three am on a
weekday, where geek is suddenly chic,
and where (perhaps most importantly)
everyone is studying out of a personal
desire to do so. And in the midst of that
simultaneous pursuit of hedonism and
education, you can choose to view this
time in your life as either a continuation
of childish ignorance, as the beginning
VMNYVÛ\WSPMLVYHZ[OLÄUHSKL[V\YVU
your inevitable path towards adulthood.
Ultimately, that decision is up to you.
This year’s O’Day is a great one
for musical entertainment. I hope
you enjoy the performances from
Little Birdy, Birds of Tokyo and
Mink Mussel Creek! Remember,
Supporting Guild Members get
free admission, as a thank you for
supporting the organisation. If you’ve
decided that you want to support the
Guild by paying the Amenities and
Services Fee, drop into the Student
Centre anytime. Remember, if you
haven’t opted in for supporting Guild
membership by O’Day, it’ll cost you
$15 to enjoy the concert!
a
re
ot
6
Pelican is the UWA student press,
and has a long and impressive
history of tackling topical social,
political and economic issues,
as well as having a strong feel
for popular culture. In a state like
Western Australia, where we have
so little diversity in our print media,
Pelican is all the more important.
A lot of time and effort goes into
Pelican from student volunteers and
Guild Staff, and I strongly encourage
your involvement!
Although some things have changed
a lot around the Guild, such as
the changes to our membership
structure and package in 2007, some
things have stayed the same, like our
commitment to improving student
welfare and providing academic
advocacy. If you need a hand, drop
by the Guild’s Student Centre – our
professional staff can help you.
I encourage you to investigate
the diverse range of opportunities
that exist at UWA for socialising,
self-improvement and support.
Whether it is encouraging greater
understanding of different faiths,
enjoying a night on the town, or
improving your education – the Guild
will be backing you all the way.
Feel free to contact me to talk about
any aspect of the Guild or the University.
I’ve taken a year out from my studies
to take on the role of Guild President,
so my door (and my Inbox) is always
open. I look forward to meeting you,
and to sharing our ideas about the
Guild and the UWA experience.
Dave de Hoog
94th Guild President
president@guild.uwa.edu.au
(08) 6488 2294
The UWA Student Guild is our
student
campus
organisation.
Run by students, assisted by
professional staff, and guided by
elected student representatives, the
Guild is an independent organisation
dedicated to enhancing the UWA
student experience.
is n
though, there is another
I’d like to begin by welcoming you
to UWA for 2007. Regardless of
ÔL[OLY [OPZ PZ `V\Y ÄYZ[ `LHY VY PM
you’ve been around for a while,
welcome to “the best days of your
SPML¹0OVWL[OL.\PSKHUKP[ZHMÄSPH[LZ
can play a part in your student
experience, and I hope that in years
to come you will be able to look back
fondly on your time studying here.
As an organisation, the Guild will
certainly do what it can to make sure
that you enjoy student life!
this
Luckily, your journey of self discovery
need not be as complex as mine.
Pelican’s wonderful team of devoted,
talented and ridiculously good looking
writers has already undertaken the
With the exception of liberating moments JOHSSLUNLVMÄN\YPUNV\[ÔH[P[TLHUZ
such as these, though, I am not always to be ‘grown up’, so that you won’t
so convinced that I have grown into the have to. We’ve approached it from
adult I always wanted to be. I’m still too alternatively serious, humorous and
afraid to get my ears pierced, I hate interrogative perspectives – hopefully
sleeping without a stuffed toy in my resulting in a mixed bag of opinions
bed, I don’t really want to move out of for you to peruse at your leisure. And,
home and the very thought of losing my as per usual, Pelican brings you up to
lovely, fat, ginger cat behind the ivory date in all the current happenings, both
gates of cat heaven is still enough to at uni and in the political and artistic
realms that lie beyond it. Remember: if
send me into hair-pulling despair.
you don’t like what you read, consider
(UK ZV 0 MLLS JVUÅPJ[LK 0U WHY[ 0 JHU writing a letter to the editor, or even
blame this delayed maturation upon contributing yourself. No one is more
my obsession with shows such as The X\HSPÄLK [V ^YP[L MVY 7LSPJHU [OHU [OL
Secret Life of Us, Friends and Coupling, average student.
which suggest no need to fully grow. Also
in part, I can blame it upon the fact that Good luck in 2007, and remember,
my childhood self read The Babysitters regardless of how you analyse or
Club and so therefore believed that it categorise it, there is no existence quite
was perfectly normal for 11-year-olds like a student’s. Make the most of it.
to have serious jobs, relationships and
thoughts (it’s true, Mary-Anne Magda Wozniak
was only 12 when she started 78th Pelican Editor
dating Logan). Undeniably pelican@guild.uwa.edu.au
LNAO says:
lly
da
ve.
..
or is it?
Have you attended a guild social event recently?
Been part of a fresher camp, an orientation BBQ
or a pub crawl worth remembering? Did you take
your camera with you? If you answered ‘hell yes’ to
these questions, please send your pictures through
to pelican@guild.uwa.edu.au with “social pages”
in the subject line – and you may well spot some
familiar faces in the next edition of Pelican!
editor’s
uni camp for (cool) kids
Dearest Pelican,
virtual shock
I am writing to inform your readers about
the wonderous organisation that is UCFK.
As one of the university’s most prominent
and recognisable charity’s, Uni Camp for
Kids aims to afford socially, emotionally and
ÄUHUJPHSS`\UKLYWYP]PSLNLKRPKZHUVWWVY[\UP[`
MVYHKH`VY^LLRVMM\U;OYV\NOKVUH[PVUZ
and student volunteers, every year the
organisation runs three picnics, culminating in
[OL\UKLY[HRPUNVM[OYLLJHTWZPU1HU\HY`H[
the apex of the UCFK calendar.
Dear Editor,
(Z H ÄYZ[ [PTL <*-2LY 0 ^HZ HWWYLOLUZP]L
and anxious about signing myself up as
a leader for one of the camps. I had set
aside days to prepare myself physically and
TLU[HSS`MVYH^LLRVMÔH[0[OV\NO[^V\SK
IL ZLSMJVTI\Z[PVU @V\ X\PJRS` YLHSPZL
OV^L]LY [OH[ ILPUN VU JHTW PZ SPRL L_PZ[PUN
PUHWHYHSSLS\UP]LYZL)`[OLLUKVM[OL^LLR0
OHKILJVTLHIPNRPKL]LU[VT`MY\Z[YH[PVU
[HSRPUNSPRLVUL
;OL ]VS\U[LLYZ KL]V[L [OLPY [PTL [V NP]L
[OLZLRPKZH^LLRVMM\U[OH[[OL`TPNO[UV[
otherwise have. I learnt a lot on camp, from
[OLL_WLYPLUJLHUKWHY[PJ\SHYS`MYVT[OLRPKZ
All of a sudden, my attention was drawn to
simple things that I had previously considered
[V IL ZV [YP]PHS @V\ HJ[ HZ H WVZP[P]L YVSL
TVKLSMVY[OLRPKZHUK[OLRPKZLUSPNO[LU`V\
in ways you could never imagine.
I cannot believe that Pelican has a myspace
UV^0ZUVVULMYLLVM[OPZPUZHUP[`&4`ZWHJL
PZ H YHIPK SLLJO [OH[ Z\JRZ [OL SPML V\[ VM P[Z
\ZLYZ 0[ [YHUZMVYTZ JVSV\YM\S PTHNPUH[P]L
PUKP]PK\HSZPU[VSHJRS\Z[YL[YHUZWHYLU[JSVULZ
Are you a clone, Pelican? Are we about to
lose that previously vibrant, magnetic UWA
IPYK[V[OLISHJROVSL[OH[PZ[OLPU[LYUL[PUP[Z
KHYRLZ[ MVYT& 8\P[L MYHURS` 0 HT KPZN\Z[LK
Seriously. Lame, Pelican, lame.
In disgust,
Gillian Forelle
questions and no answers
Dear Pelican,
/LYLHYLHML^[VWPJHSX\LZ[PVUZ[OH[0OH]LILLU
[OPURPUNHIV\[YLJLU[S`PUUVWHY[PJ\SHYVYKLY!
>O` KPK (TLYPJH LSLJ[ .LVYNL )\ZO UV[
once but twice?
>O`KPK[OLWYVK\JLYZVM[OL1HTLZ)VUK
series dump Pierce Brosnan?
>O` KVLZ Harry Potter and the Deathly
Hallows JVTLV\[Q\Z[VUL^LLRHM[LY[OL
ÄM[OTV]PL&
>O` KV 0 ULLK [V ZOLSS V\[ I\JRZ MVY H
JYPTPUHSYLJVYKJOLJR[V[LHJORPKZOV^[V
swim, when I am an 18 year old student?
>O`PZ:[\KLU[*VUULJ[Z\JOHIHZ[HYK[V
use when enrolling?
>O`PZZHSZHKHUJPUNZVT\JOM\UL]LUPU
40 degree heat?
>O`PZX-Men: The Last Stand such a lousy
LUKPUN[VHNYLH[JVTPJIVVR[YPSVN`&
DKP
on campus
;OLPUMHTV\ZArts Union
OVZ[ZP[ZÄYZ[L]LU[VM[OL
semester, Sundowner,
VU ;O\YZKH` 4HYJO
Apparently, sexy times
are guaranteed.
In
semester
one,
the
Singapore
Students
Society presents a variety of
events, including a welcome
))8 ZVJJLY [V\YUHTLU[
and the famous ‘Mambo 1’.
1VPU[OLJS\IVU6+H`PM`V\
^HU[[VILRLW[\WKH[LKVUHSS
the details of these events.
Hosted by UWA’s Student
Services, Link Week
HPTZ[VSPURJVTTLUJPUN
students to their peers,
faculties and to oncampus
HJ[P]P[PLZ 4HRL Z\YL
you head down to the
6HR 3HÛ VU ;O\YZKH`
4HYJO MVY [OL 3PUR
>LLR MLZ[P]HS JVTWSL[L
^P[O H MYLL ))8 KYPURZ
entertainment and plenty
of sweet competitions.
Also watch out for the
“travelling
roadshow”
– ie a buggy armed with
giveaways.
As I had once been told, no one can describe
camps to you. It’s just something you
The Chinese society opens on a
won’t understand unless you experience
high note this year, with a whole range
P[ <S[PTH[LS` `V\ RUV^ PM `V\ HYL [OL [`WL
VM L]LU[Z ( -YLZOLY >LSJVTL ))8
of person who should get involved in this
PZ ZJOLK\SLK MVY [OL 6HR 3HÛ VU
fantastic organisation. Not only did camp >O`HYL\UPIVVRZZVL_WLUZP]L&
;O\YZKH` 4HYJO HUK VU 4VUKH`
THRLTLHTVYLWVZP[P]LHUKOHWWPLYWLYZVU
12 March, the society recommences
>O`PZP[ZVOHYK[VJYHJRPU[V[OL(\Z[YHSPHU
but now I have a newfound appreciation of
its famous free Chinese Language
writing industry, when the Australian writing
my own childhood and upbringing.
*SHZZLZ ;OL )LQPUN 6S`TWPJZ
industry is crying out for authors?
=VS\U[LLY9LJY\P[TLU[+YP]LILNPUZVU
I cannot possibly emphasise enough the >O` JHU»[ L]LY`VUL PU [OL ^VYSK Q\Z[ NL[
12 March and Wednesday 14 March
along?
greatness of UCFK. Props to the organisers.
THYRZ[OLPYÄYZ[TV]PLUPNO[VM[OL`LHY
(UKHZMVY[OLYLZ[VM`V\WSLHZL]PZP[www. >O` KVLZ L]LY`VUL RLLW JVTWSHPUPUN
-VYTVYLPUMVJOLJR.5L^ZVYLTHPS
HIV\[ 1VOU /V^HYK [HRPUN H OVSPKH` `LZ
\UPJHTWMVYRPKZVYNHu for more info, and
chinesesociety.uwa@gmail.com.
he has tough job, he may do it badly, but it
THRLZ\YL[VZPNU\WVU6+H`
is
a
tough
job
nonetheless)?
Eva Bates
>O` KV =L[ JSPUPJZ JVZ[ ZV T\JO
considering cats and dogs are just
take a chill pill
little furry people?
See your name on this page? If
>O`PZ[OLZRÌS\L&
so, you have won a Ghostrider
Dear Pelican Newspaper,
>O`KVLZL]LY`VULSPRLThe Lord of
KV\ISL WHZZ HUK [Y\JRLY JHW
I just bought a Mars Bar from one of the
the Rings so much, when it really is
:HK [V OH]L TPZZLK V\[& ;Y`
campus vending machines. I’d actually meant
just three mammoth movies about
`V\Y
S\JR H[ UL_[ LKP[PVU»Z WYPaL I`
[V I\` H ;^P_ I\[ UL]LY TPUK ;OL YLHZVU
¸^HSRPUN [V H M\JRPUN ]VSJHUV¹
sending a letter to pelican@guild.uwa.
I’m complaining is this: the side of my Mars
[OHURZ9HUKHS&
edu.au with “editor’s mailbox” in the
Bar wrapper is a delightful baby blue strip
>O`KVHU[ZL_PZ[PMUV[[VHUUV`\Z
subject line. Write about anything that
proclaiming the word “chilled.” I have to say,
humans?
PUJLUZLZPUZWPYLZ`V\RLLWP[HZZOVY[
my chocolate bar is not very chilled and as
as possible and include your full name/
I sit here typing this and eating it, I wonder, I don’t have the answers to any of these
Z[\KLU[ U\TILY PM `V\ OH]L VUL [V
why would you buy a bar of chocolate from X\LZ[PVUZ HUK 0 KV\I[ HU` 7LSPJHU
verify your identity.
a supposedly refrigerated vending machine YLHKLYZKVLP[OLYI\[ZVTLVM[OLTH[
when you can get it so much cheaper from least) are interesting to consider.
:[PSS RLLU VU H Ghostrider WYPaL PU
one of our lovely Guild eateries?
particular? Email pelican@guild.uwa.
edu.au with “second chance draw” in
Adios,
@V\YZ[Y\S`
the title for your chance to win one of
4H[[6\[YLK
the six remaining passes.
Chocolate Eater 07
the usual
I=EH>KT
what’s
6U 4HYJO [OL <>(
Mahjong Club will
OVZ[[OL<>(=Z*\Y[PU
University
Mahjong
;V\YUHTLU[ ^P[O LU[Y`
at only $8. If you want
[V IL RLW[ WVZ[LK VU
this and other events,
WSLHZLQVPU[OLJS\IVU6
Day at only $3 for guild
TLTILYZ HUK MVY
UVUTLTILYZ
Are you a freshie thinking
that uni is another school
classroom?
Are you graduating and thinking
about your future career?
Or are you tired of following
the masses and want to follow
your passions?
>OL[OLY `V\ HYL 5,> VY 63+
AIESEC, the world’s largest
Z[\KLU[Y\U VYNHUPZH[PVU JHU
help you discover and develop
your potential.
From developing leadership and
THUHNLTLU[ ZRPSSZ TLL[PUN ^P[O
JVYWVYH[PVUZHUKI\PSKPUNUL[^VYRZ
or going on one of our international
internships in over 97 countries,
there’s sure to be something that
AIESEC can offer you.
Come along to our Information
:LZZPVUZ VU [OL HUK 4HYJO
by emailing your contact details
to aiesec.uwa@aiesec.net and
9:=7UV^
(UKKPZJV]LY`V\YWV[LU[PHS
7
regular stuff
OL=?A
to rant
sticky sticks
by amity moncharlotte
“What is brown and sticky?”
“A stick!”
Excuse me? You cannot describe a stick as being
‘sticky’ unless it is covered in honey, glue, tar, or
some other form of adhesive substance. Describing
a stick as ‘sticky’ only because it has stick-like
qualities is erroneous, and in my mind, a form of
blasphemy. Of course a stick has stick-like qualities
– it is a stick!
People who recount this so called ‘joke’ (and since
it pisses me off so much I take note of it each and
every time I hear it), expect a light hearted chuckle in
reply, and usually look shocked when I start ranting
at them about their inability to correctly retell a
childhood joke. You may be surprised to learn that I
am not usually a pedantic or highly strung person. In
fact, I am so easy going that I could probably control
my animosity towards said ‘joke’ – if I heard it only
once or twice a year. Unfortunately, it seems to have
become the new “Why did the chicken cross the
road?” and this disgusts me.
In the last two weeks alone I have heard this ‘joke’
[OYLL[PTLZ0U[OLÄYZ[PUZ[HUJL0OLHYK[OPZQVRLMYVT
H \UP]LYZP[`LK\JH[LK JVSSLHN\L 0 UV^ ÄUK T`ZLSM
unable to look at her without mumbling something
under my breath about her failure to master both the
English language and simple ‘joke telling’ skills (skills
which really should have been acquired by the time
one is 29.) The second time I heard the ‘joke’ it was
uttered by my eight-year-old cousin, who I now fear
has been traumatised by the torrent of foul language
I unleashed upon him. In the third case, the joke
was shared with me by someone I had previously
considered to be a friend! Naturally, that relationship
OHZILLUHJJVYKPUNS`TVKPÄLK
In my endless plight to spread the word about this
incorrect/stupid/un-funny joke, I have encountered
many ‘sticky stick’ defenders. Their arguments
invariably suggest that because a stick has stick-like
characteristics, it is fair to describe it as ‘sticky’. My
argument is that you simply cannot describe a stick as
‘sticky’ merely because it is one. This line of thought
would no doubt encourage the circulation of similarly
redundant phrases such as, “What an appleish apple,
and check out that bunch of grapey grapes!”.
If a stick is so darn stick-ish that you just have to
make note of what a perfect stick specimen it is
then, please, describe it as ‘the quintessential stick’.
If there is an item in front of you that has stick-like
qualities, without actually being a stick, such as a
small branch, go for your life! Just do not, under any
circumstances, let me catch you describing a nonadhesive stick as ‘sticky,’ or you will suffer
my wrath, and you will be sorry.
“What is brown and sticky?”
“A twig.”
8
2AOP=QN=JP2AREAS
KK’s at Broadway
by trent bowen
food outlets, many students
haven’t tried any food at KK’s
(except for the occasional
basket of chips with their
beer).
In addition to the
award-winning beer menu, the
food menu at KK’s is nothing
to be sniffed at, and ranges
from your predictable pub food
fare (nachos and steak) to the
more unusual (sweet chilli beef
salad, for example.) Recently,
I tried the Chicken Sandwich
($12.00), while my partner
in crime decided to try the
ILLY IH[[LYLK ÄZO HUK JOPWZ
($13.00), and we accompanied
both these dishes with pints of
the Bock dark ale. Though
a sandwich sounds as plain
as something you’d normally
make yourself (and at most
pubs doesn’t taste much
better), this one was fantastic.
The chicken breast itself was
If you’ve never been to the
Broadway
Fair
shopping
complex, it’s a courtyard
surrounded by small outlets
with decent, affordable food.
It’s the perfect place to enjoy
a student priced meal and it’s
right next to uni! Unfortunately,
many of the outlets serve fairly
similar cuisine, and after a
while, it does get a bit boring.
Within the complex, though,
is “KK’s at Broadway”, which
most UWA students will
recognise as an after-class
hot spot, as it is the closest
pub/restaurant to the main
campus. Sadly, it is often seen
as “just a pub”, and despite
the popularity of other nearby
tender, and was served with
delicious mango chutney,
which went really well with both
the sandwich and the beerIH[[LYLKÄZOHUKJOPWZ0JHU»[
OVULZ[S`[LSS`V\ÔH[[OLÄZO
and chips was like, because
they were gone before I even
got a chance to have a taste
(last time I’m taking that friend
out!). Apparently though, the
Bavarian style beer added a
\UPX\L THS[` ÅH]V\Y HUK P[
was certainly was one of the
largest servings I’ve seen at a
W\I6MJV\YZL[OPZPZUV[Ä]L
star gourmet, but, for pub fare,
the quality and variety of the
food are well above average,
and the servings are generous.
At $15 a main, it’s reasonably
affordable for students wanting
to try something different, and
comes highly recommended!
five questions
for the EAN:
1. What is the EAN?
HOT HOT HEAT
Uni restarting
Kevin Rudd
Beck’s Verandah
Harry Potter and
the Deathly Hallows
Southbound
Leaving home
Big Day Out
Kyle and Jackie O
VSU
Uni restarting
ICE ICE BABY
The Education Action Network
(EAN) is a group of students that
get together to campaign on
educational issues around the
University of WA. Membership is
open to any Guild member and it
is completely free!
2. What does the
EAN do?
v UWA’s
policy
of
not
recognising work as a clash
for classes.
v The effect of Workchoices
legislation on young, casual
workers.
4. How do I
get involved?
We get together as a group
once a week - Tuesdays at 1pm
It’s best to think of us is as the (Common Lunch Hour). We use
Guild’s army. If there is a battle this time to work out what we are
[V IL MV\NO[ `V\»SS ÄUK \Z H[ going to do and how we’re going
the frontline. We co-ordinate to do it. Everyone in the group
JHTWHPNUZ [OH[ ÄNO[ MVY LX\HS has an equal say – there are no
access to education for all SLHKLYZ6\YÄYZ[TLL[PUN^PSSIL
students, organising petitions, March, which leaves you plenty of
writing submissions of inquiry to time to settle into University. Be on
various committees, managing the lookout for more information
rallies, running forums, and closer to the date.
basically doing all the things that Also make sure you come along
to some of our training sessions
you are too lazy to do yourself.
– we run workshops that teach
3. What are our
skills in negotiation, community
campaign issues?
organization,
strategic
v Voluntary Student Unionism questioning and how to run
(VSU)
successful media campaigns.
v The introduction of Plagiarism
5. Who can I contact
Detection Software
v A
University
Course for more info?
Restructure
Contact the EAN Coordinator
v The current cost of HECS
Dom Rose on 0414577802 or
v The decline in Government ean@guild.uwa.edu.au
funding in Higher Education.
the queer
OLAA@@=PEJC
university
hot spots
presents...
the lighter side of coming out.
by shamini joseph and keegan martens,
your local queer officers
All this talk of growing up takes us
nostalgically back to perhaps the most
challenging episode of our own youth
– coming out. ‘Coming’ and ‘out’ are
two remarkably banal words on their
own, but put them together and you
have one of the most terrifying phrases
in existence! Assuredly more horrifying
than ‘That fuzzy green thing that used
to be our mayo’ or ‘Oh no! The Pelican
article deadline was three days ago…’
(er, sorry about that, Magda).
These days, however, some of our
more enterprising youth have shed
those nerves, albeit just slightly, and
HYL ÄUKPUN UL^ HUK L_JP[PUN ^H`Z [V
spread the news. Lines like “One icecream for the homosexual please” are
all the rage, and there are even swanky,
queer-empowered answers to those
awkward coming out questions you
get. Oh, those awkward questions! My
personal favourite of “How do you, you
know, do it?” is excellent fodder for
the liberal and liberated queer. Discard
five
that awkward blushing and the vague
gestured descriptions, the Queer of the
Noughties is loud, proud and comes
fully equipped with futuristic sex toys
and full colour pamphlets. Give ‘em
what they want, I say!
Of course there are some questions
which can only be met with a bewildered
stare, namely my close relative’s
reaction when I told her I was bisexual;
“Well, what if you meet a nice boy, and
you love him and he loves you, but he
thinks you’re a gay?!” Yes, sometimes
hiding in a closet for three hours (as I did
with only a faint trace of irony) is still the
only way to deal with telling a befuddled
Aunt Eunice that you’re “a gay”.
Still, you only come out once, so why
not make it memorable? It might even
make things easier if you appear that
JVUÄKLU[ HUK H[ LHZL ^P[O `V\YZLSM
9LTLTILY[OH[PMP[HSSIHJRÄYLZVU`V\
at least it’ll still be an awesome story to
tell at parties… much later… ya know.
recent political events
that every student should know about
1. An Inconvenient Truth
– global warming hits
politicians on the head
45th American Vice-President Al Gore
and his compelling documentary
brought global warming to the forefront
of the political agenda. Previously
overshadowed by terrorist threats,
globalisation and obesity epidemics, our
politicians had been focused on more
‘immediate’ issues. Mind you, if you live
in cyclone hit Innisfail or went down to
Esperance late last year, you may have
a different idea of what constitutes
“immediate.” Take heed of Mr Gore, and
stop spraying all that Lynx.
2. Bush’s ‘Terrorist Plan’
– send in 50 more billion
troops, please!
This recent political event is backed, I
quote, ‘one hundred percent’ by our
own Prime Minister. After losing the
Republican majority in the Senate,
Sunken Gardens: “Although this
garden set up quite the romantic
scene, complete with charming foliage
and subtle lighting, I felt something was
not quite right. I’ve got an intuition for
this kind of thing, and I don’t think I’d
trust Sunken to take me home after a
couple of drinks. Indeed, it appeared to
have already worked its charms upon a
young couple that I spotted ‘necking’
in the bushes. I felt a maternal need to
interrupt their canoodling upon noticing
that they had not properly applied
insect repellent. I have no doubt that
this garden is rampant with disease.”
Oak Lawn: “Initially, I found this lawn
quite pleasing; providing a central
seating spot and facilitating much
intriguing, inter-faculty discussion. I
don’t think it’s the kind of lawn I’d like
to settle down with though. Let’s be
honest, it does whore itself about.
.VVK OLH]LUZ @V\»SS ÄUK HSS ZVY[Z VM
characters jumping on board, and I
don’t think Oak is the sort of lawn who
knows how to say ‘No, thank you.’”
Reid Library: “Now this is my cup of
tea! Classic Western literature, budget
priced coffee, comfortable seating
– what more could a girl wish for?
with wendy jean
Reid was particularly entertaining when
it closed off the date with a rousing
JSHZZPJHS ÄUHSL ¶ [OH[ SPIYHY` JLY[HPUS`
knows how to hit the strings! Those
fandangled modern libraries should
take a leaf out of Reid’s book and learn
how to treat a lady right! Absolutely
JOHYTPUNÄ]LZ[HYZ¹
regular stuff
OL=?A
Guild Village: “I appreciate culture, but
I do think this was a bit much. Call me
old fashioned, but I’d choose the tranquil
villages of Scotland over this outlandish
location any day! The Tuesday markets
were particularly displeasing, with
peddlers hawking their wares in a most
distasteful fashion. And don’t get me
started on the Hare Krishna Thursdays!
I’m not a racist, but there’s a time and a
place for everything.”
The Fitness Centre: “While I
approve of keeping oneself trim and
tidy, I do believe that perspiration and
near-nudity should be kept out of the
public arena. I enjoyed the diverse
range of activities we tried together,
but, really, Pilates? Hip hop dancing?
Not for me, thank you very much! And
as for the skimpy clothes; for heaven’s
sake, I was told this was a gym, not a
brothel! Disgraceful!”
by sarah elliott
George Bush has made one last attempt
to savour dignity in his term as President
by sending 21,500 more ‘sons and
daughters’ down the Iraq grinder. Could
Australia follow? Future politicians,
cabinet advisors or defence force
TLTILYZ RLLW `V\Y L`LZ JSVZLS` Ä_LK
on how this genius strategy pans out.
3. Banning or Prescribing
the Australian Flag –
what the?
Hands up who received an email stating
that ‘Merry Christmas’ is a discriminatory
holiday greeting? Next we were told we
JHU»[ L]LU YHPZL V\Y UH[PVUHS ÅHN H[ [OL
most anticipated Australian rock event of
the year, the Big Day Out. The NSW Liberal
party is proposing a national symbols
act be introduced should they win their
:[H[LLSLJ[PVU[VWYV[LJ[V\YUH[PVUHSÅHN
and prescribe its use in circumstances.
Here’s a thought: which is worse for your
freedom of speech?
4. Nuclear Testing - North
Korea plays with adult toys
‘Kapow!’
splutters
North
Korean
communist leader Kim Jong II as he
throws a nuclear missile into the East Sea.
He possessed the nerve to reactivate
frozen nuclear weapons, pull out of the
Nuclear Non-proliferation Treaty and then
attempt to blackmail Washington into
being a more considerate enemy. Such
actions had eight world leaders and six
nations in crisis talks. This was a timely
reminder for us to not be so naïve about
the capabilities of this troubled nation and
the lingering threat of nuclear war.
5. Workplaces Legislation
held to be Constitutional
- doh
and establishment of the changes.
Yet questions remain. Can students
negotiate their pay rates at Chicken
Treat? Would you want to at an entry
level graduate position? Check out
the Legislative Council inquiry into the
impact of the work choices legislation at
www.parliament.nsw.gov.au.
November last year saw the High
*V\Y[ JVUÄYT [OL JVUZ[P[\[PVUHS ]HSPKP[`
of the much debated Work Choice
legislation. This has given primacy to
the Commonwealth in the management
9
welcome to uwa
4NKQ>HAODKKPEJC
– the fresher’s guide to
campus cred
by zarah m. burgess
The transition from the comfort zone of high
school and into university can be daunting.
Many students spend sleepless nights fretting
over challenges, such as unit selections,
grades and terrorists. This article does not
address such trivial matters. It tackles the Big
Issues – from what recreational drugs to hit up
on, through to advice on escaping from the
renegade peacocks. If you are new to the uni
environment, now is your chance to acquaint
`V\YZLSM ^P[O [OL ÄULY HZWLJ[Z VM [OL <>(
‘hood, and gain some cred…
I recently attended O-Camp and was
made to drink a substance that looked
and smelled of a homeless person’s urine.
What is it called?
Now, I’m going to do this as painlessly as
possible: Goon. Punch.
Remember these words, and embrace them
as your new way of life. If in doubt as to how
to achieve this, attend any sort of orientation
camp, or join Blackstone – the law school’s
faculty society.
I have just come to UWA from an elitist
private school and was wondering why
I have not yet received special attention
from the lecturers. If nobody writes my
essays and tutorial presentations, how am I
expected to pass the unit? Good golly gosh,
this NEVER happened in high school…
You are not special. You are only here because
Mummy and Daddy paid a lot to send you to
a school where teachers are trained to spoonfeed you until you make it to grown-up land (or
at least a tertiary institution). Now you’re on your
own; statistics show that you’ll probably drop
V\[ I` [OL LUK VM `V\Y ÄYZ[ `LHY ZV KVU»[ NL[
your DKNY knickers in a knot.
0 HT NVPUN PU[V ÄYZ[ `LHY (Y[Z HUK OH]L
heard that there are peacocks roaming the
grounds surrounding the Arts building. Is
this true?
Unfortunately, yes. And there is nothing to be
excited about. Do not let their colourful displays
fool you – the peacocks, like most other
birds, have a secret agenda.
10
Ask any older student, and they will regale you
^P[O[HSLZVMULHYLZJHWLZY\MÅLKMLH[OLYZHUK
broken kneecaps. It is, sadly, a story with which
many of the students are familiar. What starts
out as an innocent stroll to the vending machines
ends up a brutal peacock chase. Watch for the
following warning signs:
•
Deserted Arts courtyard;
•
Peacocks gathering silently, each taking up a
strategic position in order to surround you;
•
Quick, sneaky glances from beneath hooded,
scaly bird eyes;
The battle for life and death will almost always
end with you running down the corridor
screaming, followed by a herd of peacocks, their
heads bobbing menacingly.
Good places in which to barricade yourself: Arts
Common Room, men’s toilets.
Also, the Albino Peacock is not a legend – it really
does exist; it is scary-looking and absolutely
fucking terrifying.
In short: these creatures will take everything
from you – your livelihood, your dignity, and, if
you are not careful, even your virginity.
I noticed that there are two different kinds
of toilets on campus. A female toilet and
one with a funny picture on it of a girl with
no dress. Is it a special toilet for dykes?
Ah, you’ve discovered those people Mummy
and Daddy were trying to keep you away from:
boys. Don’t go overboard and express your
repressed sexuality through raunchy displays on
the Oak Lawn – you will get knocked up.
Also, public school kids are not an urban myth
– they really do exist. Look out for that punk
who snorts dexies in the Arts common room
– chances are he’ll knife you if you mention your
pet pony or your Liberal-senator father. If you
OH]L HU` OVWL VM Z\Y]P]PUN `V\Y ÄYZ[ `LHY SVZL
the duck-down school leaver jacket.
Also - stop beating your Samoan maid for burning
the roast, and stop locking up and torturing
HZ`S\TZLLRLYZ4HRL¸0HTPUZPNUPÄJHU[¹`V\Y
mantra. Nobody likes a whiny bitch.
I have no idea what to wear now that I don’t
have a school uniform! Help!
*\S[P]H[L ¸[OL SVVR¹" KPMMLYLU[ MHJ\S[PLZ NV MVY
different styles. As a guide:
3(> ¶ .PYSZ HU`[OPUN L_WLUZP]L HUKVY WPUR
NVLZ7V^LYKYLZZPUNPZHSZVNVVK.VK[OH[
girl in your Contract class with the same Louis
=\P[[VU IHN HZ `V\ PZ Z\JO H )0;*/ .\`Z
TL[YVZL_\HSP[`PZUV[HKPY[`^VYK"SLHYU[VSV]L
it. Spiked hair (highlights preferable), upturned
collars (designer labels visible, please) and just
a touch of mascara. There. You’re a pretty
boy now.
SCIENCE – it doesn’t matter, nobody’s going
to see you anyway. Just wear something that
will keep you warm in the caves where you
dwell.
COMMERCE – you might want to take some
[PWZ MYVT [OL SH^ Z[\KLU[Z (NHPU MVY [OL
guys, a little hairspray won’t go astray. Female
commerce students – something slutty will
help if you end up failing EBS and have to
sleep with the unit co-ordinator.
(9;:¶WYL[[`T\JOHU`[OPUNNVLZ,_WYLZZ
yourself creatively: a torn jacket, ripped
stockings…don’t forget the anti-Howard
badges and t-shirts with emo slogans.
Nobody gets you. You are a tortured genius.
.VZTVRLZVTL^LLKHUK^YP[LHWVLTHIV\[
how unloved you are.
4,+0*05,+,5;0:;9@¶UVIVK`SPRLZ`V\(
IHNV]LY`V\YOLHK^PSSZ\MÄJL
So go forth, armed with your new-found
information, and feel safe in the knowledge that
Pelican has provided you with the essential
N\PKL[VILPUNZ[YLL[ZTHY[H[<>(
growing up
0AHE?=J’O'QE@APK
personalities
on campus
by caroline dale and magda wozniak
It ain’t easy being a
fresher, Pelican knows
that. And though we
can’t help you master
tutorial
discussion
techniques or battle with
student administration
staff, we can help you
understand (or at least
recognise) the, at times
overwhelming, details of
UWA’s unique student
culture. We’ve taken
time out to focus upon
some of UWA’s more
memorable characters;
characters that you
^PSS HSTVZ[ KLÄUP[LS`
encounter at some
point during your time
on campus. All we can
do now is let you loose
into the big, wide world,
hoping that we’ve shared
enough knowledge to
keep you out of harm…
The Eager Beaver
(ZSPNO[S`THUPJMHJPHSL_WYLZZPVUPZ[OLÄYZ[[OPUN
that you will notice about the Eager Beaver, as
you watch them grapple for a tutor’s attention. If
in doubt as to the authenticity of the specimen,
closely observe their tutorial presentation.
A true Eager Beaver will incorporate one or
more of the following: slideshows, Tim Tams,
pyrotechnic displays and/or excruciatingly dull
board-games. Though these individuals are
usually intelligent, they are prone to forgetting
that other members of the tutorial group may
be equally smart, just not as enthused.
Indie Royalty
These are usually highschool eccentrics who
OH]L LU[LYLK \UP]LYZP[` VUS` [V ÄUK [OH[ [OLPY
quirks are extremely marketable. Big and/or
outrageous hair is usually a distinguishing
feature, accompanied by eye-catching clothing/
accessories. You may misconstrue these
kooky threads as ugly or mismatched, but do
UV[ILMVVSLK;OLÒH]LILLUJHYLM\SS`ÄS[LYLK
through a comprehensive selection process in
order to attain maximum ‘wow’ factor, with a
touch of nonchalance. These characters are
most commonly located reigning over their
indie followers at a handful of cultural clubs
(and at Cassette), where their aura of aloofness
distinguishes them as royalty,
SOCs
Socialists On Campus are generally nice
folk, but they are often too preoccupied with
JY\ZOPUN [OL Z[H[L HWWHYH[\Z [V ÄUK [PTL MVY
fun. If you are lucky enough to catch a SOC offguard with a witty political anecdote, they will
most likely respond with a sage nod that calmly
acknowledges the presence of humour in your
statement. These barefooted bohemians crop
up frequently in Politics tutorials, where they
devote their best efforts to perpetuating the
dream of student revolution. Ironically (and
sadly), a large proportion of SOCs are destined
to become COCs.
COCs
The Highschool Hangup
Unless you are one of them, it is unlikely that
you will ever be permitted to enter the sacred
realm of the Highschool Hangup. These types
socialise exclusively with remnants from their
(usually private) high school days, developing
increasingly incestuous relationship circles,
ÔPSZ[HSS[OLÔPSLYLÅLJ[PUN\WVU[OLIYPSSPHUJL
that was Leavers ‘01.
Conservatives On Campus would be enigmatic,
but they’re just not interesting enough. Usually
found clad in grey starched suits with attached
briefcase, these individuals may appear
PU[PTPKH[PUN[V[OLPNUVYHU[ÄYZ[`LHYI\[YLHSS`
they are nothing more than Young Liberals
eagerly awaiting an escape from the excessive
hedonism of the anarchic UWA lifestyle.
Slash Wankers
The Crazy Haired Predator
Whilst composing this article, we were in fact
swept away by the seductive powers of an
authentic Crazy Haired Predator – and if it
happened to us, then no one is immune. In
a way, the CHP is remarkably similar to Indie
Royalty with their big hair (almost certainly a
12
humorous mullet or afro) and wacky attire,
but these are the kids that were actually cool
in high school. They follow sports, enjoy hits
of the 70s, 80s and today and like to dress in
women’s clothing for a good laugh. They are
usually found at the head of the Guild social
JS\I OPLYHYJO` LUJV\YHNPUN ÄYZ[ `LHY NPYSZ [V
engage in underage drinking. Freshers beware:
while an encounter (of the sexy kind) with the
CHP may seem like a quick road to social glory,
all it will get you is a performance star rating,
probably written on his fridge in permanent
marker for extra effect.
Not to be confused with those who combine
two degrees out of interest, the Slash Wanker is
one who tacks on a second degree exclusively
for resume/personality improvement purposes
– an endeavour that inevitably fails. A prime
example of a Class A Slash Wanker is the
medical student who undertakes studies in
arts in order to give their résumé that human
to smoke pot or, you know, whatever. From
this description it may seem that Proshers
HYL [OL ILUPNUIVYPUN /\MÅLW\MMZ VM JHTW\Z
but this bewildering species actually has the
wit of a Ravenclaw and the sharp tongue of a
Slytherin, and they are often a pretty interesting
time.
hair glistening in the sun, you will know that
you are in the presence of a Ladies Auxiliary
member. While obviously not stupid, grades
are not of huge concern: Daddy’s paying the
HECS upfront anyway. Besides, isn’t uni all
HIV\[ÄUKPUNHYPJOO\ZIHUK&4LK3HÎV`Z
watch out.
IIS/EIS
Boozehounds
Extracurricular Enthusiasts
Despite the variety found in these UWA imports,
[OL`JHU\Z\HSSÌLJSHZZPÄLKPU[V[^VKPZ[PUJ[
groups: the Introverted (IIS) and the Extroverted
(EIS) International Student. The Introverted
International Student tries desperately not
to attract attention to themselves, speaking
almost inaudibly when the time comes for their
tutorial presentation, while the Extroverted
International Student is American.
A less successful version of the Crazy Haired
Predator, these individuals usually dominate
drinking clubs, the tavern and the engineering
faculty. Labouring under the misconception
that foreplay can be substituted with a hearty
goon skull, these randy rapscallions dream of
one day kissing a real, live woman – but as of
yet few have experienced this exotic pleasure.
A broader family that encompasses many of
the aforementioned stereotypes (including
Proshers, Phil the Philosophy Guy, Indie
Royalty, Eager Beavers and even the Crazy
Haired Predator), these are the crazy kids
who run wild on campus, inspired by political,
creative or social pursuits, rather than the
promise of a glowing resume. Their motto may
as well be, “Life; be in it!” and they are the
VULZÔV^PSSÄNO[MVY`V\YZ[\KLU[YPNO[Z[V
party), wake you up at 5a.m. on Prosh morning
and satiate your cultural lusts when you’re
too lazy to make it happen yourself. Some
members of the community are irritated by
[OLZLJOHYHJ[LYZHUK[OLPYV]LYÅV^PUNLULYN`
but, ultimately, they are the ones who will make
your campus days all the more memorable,
and that’s nothing to be sniffed at.
Phil the Philosophy Guy
Phil the Philosophy Guy was that guy in
highschool who was a little too sensitive to be
cool, but with mild good looks that kept him
out of trouble. He was good at English Lit. and
once read The Stranger by Camus. As a result
he believes that he is a philosophical master
whose incisive perceptions shall bring down
the limestone walls around him. Phil makes a
SV]LS`MYPLUKLZWLJPHSS`HM[LYÄYZ[`LHYÔLUOL
has calmed down a bit. He will also provide you
a handy ego boost when he falls feverishly in
love with you, but try not to reciprocate or you
will be doomed to his emotional Radiohead
inspired mixtapes forever more (and, yes, he still
considers Radiohead to be ‘underground’).
Proshers
Proshers are a rare hybrid. They have the
boisterous nature and wacky hair of the Crazy
Haired Predator, but less of the tendencies
towards social climbing. Like Indie Royalty,
they were never quite cool in high school.
Unlike Indie Royalty, their dagginess still shines
through in a most charming and delightful
fashion. When Layout Weekend is over, they
tend to retire to the Arts Union Common Room
Resume Runners
The more sinister cousin of the Eager Beaver,
the Resume Runner will go to extreme lengths
PUVYKLY[VPUÄS[YH[LL]LY`JVYULYVMJHTW\Z^P[O
an eye for networking rather than socialising.
They tend to focus in particular on the more
highbrow areas; the German club, the Dramatic
Society (but certainly not the Panto Soc) and
even your friendly neighbourhood Pelican.
Their university career almost inevitably
culminates in running for Guild Council, not out
of political aspirations, but rather out of a drive
to succeed.
Lawyers with Laptops
The name says it all.
Mt. Claremont
Ladies Auxiliary
Free from the constraints of a highly
uniformed, unisex highschool, these
IVUHÄKL(\Z[YHSPHU7YPUJLZZLZHYL
classier than the contestants of any
reality TV show. When you see a
sophisticated lady behind the wheel
of a P-plated Audi, cruising down
Bayview Terrace with her sleekly styled
13
growing up
touch, and then proceeds to complain when
their grades do not match the resident SOCs’,
upon whom they had previously heaped
scorn. Though the Slash Wanker may appear
benign, they are merely befriending you so that
[OL` JHU ÄUK V\[ `V\Y NYHKLZ MVY H NHTL VM
JVTWHYLJVU[YHZ[
14
welcome to uwa
Concert 2(3$, /
MAIN
ENTRY
STAGE
TOILETS
BAR
FOOD
i
FIRST
AID
ALL AGES
18+
TOILETS
m
a
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B
m
Ji o n ce r t
c
OLOL
. *+ 6-
Guild Supporter FREE, non-Guild $15
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/,
!HQCRNE3NJXN /,
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15
welcome to uwa
,KQ@=J@#HA=N
your guide to
student action in WA
The National Union of Students:
Your National Voice
The National Union of Students (NUS) is the
peak representative organisation for students
in Australia, representing over 600 000 tertiary
education students nationwide. The Union is made
up of member organisations. As members of your
student guild, you are also represented by the
National Union of Students.
NUS provides political representation for University
students and is committed to ensuring that students’
perspectives are taken into account when decisions
are made. NUS facilitates national and state-based
campaigns that are run across many campuses.
NUS also acts on behalf of students by lobbying the
government and other decision-making bodies. By
linking up student guilds across the country, NUS
provides a larger base for campaigns and has a greater
ability to speak out on behalf of students and make a
real difference.
Generally, NUS runs campaigns around issues that
impact upon students, such as HECS increases, the
inadequate rate of Youth Allowance, the high cost
of housing and living and the introduction of full fee
university places. Along with these issues, NUS also
supports campaigns around women’s issues, cultural
and race issues, queer issues, international student
issues and environmental issues. These campaigns are
facilitated with the assistance of specialist departments
PU[OL5H[PVUHS6MÄJLPU[OLHYLHZVM,K\JH[PVU>LSMHYL
Women’s and Queer Rights, International Students and
the Environment.
NUS West: Your Branch of the
National Union
The WA Branch of the National Union of Students,
affectionately called NUS West, is made up of student
representatives from all four WA campuses. In 2007, the
MVSSV^PUNZ[\KLU[ZHYL[OLVMÄJLILHYLYZVM5<:>LZ[!
State President: Enrico Burgio
State General Secretary: Tom Cramond
:[H[L,K\JH[PVU>LSMHYL6MÄJLY!+VTPUPJ9VZL
:[H[L8\LLY6MÄJLYZ!:OHUL*\JV^
& Kitty Hawkins
:[H[L,U]PYVUTLU[6MÄJLY!+H]PK:PUJSHPY
:[H[L0U[LYUH[PVUHS:[\KLU[Z6MÄJLY!(KYPHUH@LL
:[H[L:THSSHUK9LNPVUHS6MÄJLY!4H[[=HWVY
16
NUS West coordinates the grassroots activism across
the four WA campuses of Murdoch, UWA, Curtin and
ECU, by organizing around national issues as well as
local issues particular to WA students. Its day-to-day
JVVYKPUH[PVUPZ[OLYLZWVUZPIPSP[`VMP[ZVMÄJLILHYLYZ
who run campaigns in the areas of education, welfare,
women’s issues, the environment, Indigenous issues,
international students, queer issues, issues facing
students from small and regional campuses and
anything else that comes up that is of importance to
WA students. NUS West co-ordinates cross campus
activities and campaigns through collectives such
as the Cross Campus Education Network (CCEN)
and the Cross Campus Queer Network (CCQN). The
:[H[L )YHUJO 6MÄJL PZ UV^ OV\ZLK ^P[O [OL <>(
Student Guild.
Demand a Better Future
2007: National Day of Action
May 2nd!
In 2007, the National Union of Students will be running a
campaign to “Demand a Better Future.” The campaign
will focus on three issues: Quality and Accessible
Education, Student Rights at Work and Climate
Change. These are the three issues that students from
around the country overwhelmingly supported as the
issues that will affect young people and that should
be prioritised by the major political parties who want
students to support them in the 2007 Federal election.
In this Federal election year, students will have more
of an opportunity to get their voice heard than in most
V[OLY`LHYZ5<:^PSSILLUJV\YHNPUNZ[\KLU[Z[VÄYZ[S`
enrol to vote in the election, and also to get involved in
the campaign for change. NUS will be calling a number
of demonstrations where students will have a chance to
speak out on the issues of education, workplace rights
HUK JSPTH[L JOHUNL ;OL ÄYZ[ 5H[PVUHS +H` VM (J[PVU
will be on Wednesday 2nd May! Remember, together
we are stronger and can make a difference.
For more information, and to get involved in the 2007
campaign, contact NUS WA Branch President Enrico
Burgio on wa.pres@nus.asn.au or visit the NUS website
at www.unistudent.com.au.
TO PLACE AN ARTICLE IN
LOUD & CLEAR CONTACT:
Enrico Burgio President
National Union of Students (WA Branch)
Mobile: 0402 228 624
Email: wa.pres@nus.asn.au
by
will may
Australians have always held
a place close to their heart for
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[V [PL [V \Z [V [OL ZHJYPÄJLZ
made in wars past, and bristle
whenever attempts are made
to change it or deface it. Having
said that, the controversy that
has arisen from the Sydney Big
Day Out organisers’ decision
to ban the carrying of the
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least bit surprising. Although
not an outright ban and
more a request, the decision
has brought condemnation
from both the Prime Minister and Opposition
Leader, and even has NSW Premier Morris
Iemma looking into ways he can override the
decision. Some have even called for the event
to be scrapped rather than enforce the ban. The
reason behind the BDO organisers’ decision is a
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]PL^PZJH[HSàLKI`WLVWSL¸IYHUKPZOPUN[OLÅHN
in an aggressive way.”
Although cries of ‘political correctness gone
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that, in some ways, these organizers have
made the right decision. Prime Minister John
Howard lambasted their choice, saying that any
racial or nationalist violence “[is] not the fault of
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is of course true, but, irrespective of our wish
MVY[OLÅHN[VILHZ`TIVSVM[OLX\HSP[PLZ^L»K
like to think Australians embody, it ultimately
shares the character of the individual who
bares it. And when it is brandished by shirtless
yobs screaming racist slogans on the beaches
of places like Cronulla, it is transformed into a
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on its own is powerless, but is a mirror to those
who bare it.
beyond uwa
BH=CCA@
There’s a lot to like about summer. It’s the time
of year when we get to indulge in the most
sacrosanct Australian traditions; going to the
beach, playing cricket and getting pissed
on the front verandah. And yet, it is also the
time of year when one of the more ugly sides
of the Australian experience rears its head.
Recently, it seems issues of nationalism, a
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have dominated the landscape around this
time of year. Last year we saw long simmering
racial hatreds explode into the Cronulla riots,
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ÅHZOWVPU[PU[OLZ\TTLYVMº
So the real issue here is the hold that this toxic,
race based strain of nationalism has taken
on wider society. Racism has always existed
in Australia, from settlement through to the
administration of indigenous peoples and the
White Australia Policy. It is, however, alarming
to see how in the modern world racist attitudes
are being worn on peoples’ sleeves as was seen
at Cronulla and since. You can argue that the
blame lies at the feet of many factors; the high
media coverage of ethnic and immigrant based
street gangs, the War on Terror giving rise to fear
and tension between Muslims and non-Muslims
and the highly publicized Lebanese gang rapes.
Those who have reacted to perceived attacks
on white society, such as the gang-rapes and
assaults of surf life-savers have been met in
turn. The YouTube video glorifying Bilal Skaf
released by a group of Sydney Lebanese men is
one example. It is telling that, in that video, the
3LIHULZLÅHNMLH[\YLKWYVTPULU[S`\ZLKPU[OL
same aggressive, provocative way the Australian
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>OH[[OPZKVLZPZPSS\Z[YH[LOV^JLU[YHSÅHNZHYL
to a country or people’s national identity. The
JVUZLX\LUJLVM[OPZPZ[OH[OV^[OLÅHNPZ\ZLK
and thusly what it is construed to represent, is
central to how that country is viewed as a nation.
That is why it is so important that we do not
HSSV^[OLÅHN[VILOPQHJRLKI`L_[YLTPZ[ZHUK
xenophobes, and become a symbol of division
and hatred instead of representing all Australians
and the values we share. It is my belief that the
reaction of the Big Day Out organizers constitutes
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instead of, say, having increased crowd control,
they are merely reinforcing the notion that the
ÅHNPZWYV]VJH[P]LHUKKP]PZP]L
Despite or perhaps in spite of the ban, many
concert-goers arrived at the BDOs proudly
KPZWSH`PUNÅHNZ^P[OUV*YVU\SSHZ[`SL]PVSLUJL
or racist demonstrations. Those who beared
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and heritage it should represent, refusing the
negative, ultra-nationalist connotations that
have stuck to it of late. As long as there are
enough people that understand the danger, and
are prepared to do something about it, hopefully
by next summer it won’t even be an issue.
17
the death
In 2006, a sensible looking young man in a
crisp blue suit, with jet black hair and eyes
devoid of expression was sentenced to
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unkempt and bearded man who emerged
from interrogation and detainment; it was a
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leader and an Australian raised, Vietnamese
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beyond uwa
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by sarah elliott
penalty
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19
beyond uwa
!QPQIJEJ
%OPKJE=
Last year I went to Estonia – an ex Soviet
country on the move. I went to check out the
land of my mother’s parents, and found all
manner of surprises.
Spilt Blood and Blood Sausage
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20
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At the time of print, UWA did not have a formal
relationship with the English speaking university in
Tallinn. While this may change, in the mean time,
an informal exchange is very possible. Please email
Nicholas.van.hattem@gmail.com if you would like
more information
pops
Were you ever
attracted to any
dodgy celebrities
while you were growing up?
Captain Planet and Super Ted. And all
those little Cabbage Patch kids. One of
them was such a whore, that was hot.
Have any of these attractions stayed
with you to the present day?
Well Captain Planet won’t return my
calls. I have made out with a Barbie. But
apart from that… no [looks whistful.]
Do you have any embarrassing
moments from the whole growing
process?
.L[[PUN JH\NO[ ÄZ[PUN¯ 0[ ^HZ [OPZ
whole thing with a seagull…
Have you recently rediscovered any
childhood interests?
Fisting.
Do you think university students
should act like adults?
No, because adults is for later.
What do you think it means to be
an adult?
You have to be responsible. Fisting
LUZ\LZI\[`V\OH]L[VÄZ[YLZWVUZPIS`
as part of a 9-5 job.
Mary, 19, Arts
Were you ever
attracted to any
dodgy celebrities
while you were
Have you recently
rediscovered
any
childhood
interests?
Were you ever
attracted to any
dodgy celebrities
Twister – for erotic purposes, like strip
twister. It’s weird that kids don’t notice
the erotic potential of this game when
they’re young.
Every single Disney girl, but especially
Ariel. With legs. I like chasing tail, but
girl-with-tail, well, that doesn’t do
anything for me.
process?
There were many while I was a teenager,
but perhaps the most vivid was when I
JVTWSL[LS` Z[HJRLK P[ VU H ZUV^ÄLSK
And not while going down the hill, but
while going up it. On a lift. Don’t ask.
No because living at uni is like living on
another planet. You’re not a child and
you’re not an adult. This is a world unto
itself.
an adult?
When you stop going out to parties.
When you have to stay home on Friday
and Saturday night consecutively, or
when you don’t go out because you
“have to work the next morning”. I
hope I never have to work.
growing up?
@LZ KLÄUP[LS` AHJO /HUZVU 0 ^HZ PU
year four and he was the hottest guy
around. It was a perfect match.
Yes! Pink Power Ranger! She was
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OP[Z[OLKLZR^P[OOPZÄZ[D
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heart, he always will… but he’s become
overweight now and I don’t think he’s
J\[OPZOHPYPUHIV\[ÄM[LLU`LHYZ
No I think she’s ugly now [awkward
silence].
No! No way! Adults are so boring. I
don’t think adults should act like adults.
(K\S[ZZOV\SKOH]LTVYL^H[LYÄNO[Z
an adult?
You become boring. And you have to
start paying taxes. And you have to get
a “real” job.
I think it’s evolved into Belle – a bit more
classy, someone to settle down with.
Ariel was perfect for my youth but now
she’s too promiscuous.
process?
Not really, because I’m very stylish. I’m
always four years ahead of the trends. I
was wearing ugg boots four years ago,
when they were still uncool, and, in four
years from now, bear suits will be in.
You’ll see.
James, 19,
Law/Arts
Have you recently
rediscovered
any
childhood
interests?
Well, last year at O Day someone had
drawn out a hopscotch thing, in chalk
on the pavement in the Guild village.
So, I did it and found myself coming
back for more. I had some serious coordination issues as a child so it was
NVVK[VÄUHSSÌLMYLLVM[OLT
process?
I was an accomplished member of
both the choir and chess teams, I think
that says it all… And I was the only
person to be kicked out of Junior Choir,
because my voice broke in year six.
Were you ever attracted to any
dodgy celebrities while you were
growing up?
No chance. The more childish the more
fun. Dress up as a bear today!
Yes, I went through a Looney Tunes
phase, which is odd cos the females
in that are quite sparse. So it was
mainly female sounding animals, which
YLÅLJ[ZWVVYS`VUTL[VKHÌ\[P[»ZHSS
in the voice.
an adult?
To develop a more acquired taste in
women like Belle. So there are up-sides
it’s true, but mainly it’s all responsibility.
I think that’s a moot point. I think
adulthood is the inbetween time,
cos as an adult you lapse into a
second childhood, when you become
dependent on others. So adulthood
is really just the waiting phase. That’s
what I think.
Tomy, 20,
Science
Were you ever
attracted to any
dodgy celebrities
Michael, 19,
Arts
Sam, 21,
Engineering
Brad, 20,
Economics/Arts
UWA Says:
Pelican hit the
campus streets and
asked 25 random
UWA students about
their thoughts on
growing up…
Fuck no. We’re uni students.
an adult?
Do you consider yourself to
be an ‘adult’?
To not be a uni student? To have
enough money and to have a job and
be serious. When someone makes a
fart joke and you’re like, “Nah, man,
not funny.”
Yes – 42%
No – 6%
Undecided – 52%
What do you consider to be
the ultimate rite of passage
into adulthood?
Moving out – 8%
Getting married – 12%
Having kids – 8%
Beginning a career – 60%
$FKLHYLQJÀQDQFLDO
independence – 22%
Graduating from uni – 0%
Do you want to grow up?
Yes – 58%
No – 34%
Not sure – 8%
21
growing up
6KT
growing up
4DAPEIAS=NL
by gemma nisbet
Strange things are afoot. I turn 21 in a
month and this has got me thinking, Carrie
Bradshaw-style, about this looming, keysymbolism-heavy milestone in my life.
Some days, it occurs to me that I am old.
0»T PU T` [^LU[PLZ 0 ÄUK T`ZLSM ZOHRPUN
TÒLHKHUKÄZ[H[[OLILOH]PV\YVMRPKZ
today when confronted by shrill 11 yearolds in Diva or some other secret-shametype outlet. Better start thinking about
superannuation and anti-ageing skin care,
right? But then on other, more ‘big-picture’
side of things, I realise that I’m incredibly
young. Usually these particularly grandiose
moments occur when I’m considering
career options or doing the crossword in
the TV guide, in which all the questions
refer to shows that aired pre-1974.
I, like my 18 to 28-ish student peers, am at
the age to which most people aspire. Tweens
and teens hanker after a few extra years of
maturity, and older people desire the loss of
a decade in the same way that others want
to shed a couple of kilos. One group wishes
to turn the clock forward, the other wants to
turn it back. And we, with our unlined skin,
fresh, fully-developed brains and general
LU[O\ZPHZTÄUKV\YZLS]LZZ[\JRPU[OLTPKKSL
(I’m aware of the gross generalisations I’m
making here, by the way).
How is it that everyone wants to be us, at least
in age terms? Why are kids clambering to be
older in way unheard of when I was their age
only ten years ago? And, furthermore, why is
the lifespan of our parents’ generation – the
longest in the history of the entire world (heavy
stuff) – correlated with spending the greatest
amount of time and effort in the history of the
entire world on looking and feeling young?
The timeline of our lifespan has become all
warped and kinked and it’s freaking me out,
man. So here, in the space of one thousand
words, I employ some super-sleuthing in the
hasty search for answers.
As I mentioned previously, baby boomers
have the longest life expectancy ever.
Australian women can expect to live to age
22
83, while men should enjoy a very precise
78.1 years. Consider this: most ancient
Romans only lived to their mid-thirties.
Okay, so that was two thousand years ago
when medicine was not all it is today, with
all the leeches and blood-letting and such.
But! If we take, say, Ireland as an example
(and we will, because I found some suitable
stats), we can see life expectancy there has
increased by more than a decade in the past
half a century. Armed with more years with
which to play around, life has lost some of its
urgency. Subsequently, people are entering
the workforce later, marrying later and having
babies later. So much so that in 2004 a 64
year-old Indian woman gave birth to a healthy
baby! Doesn’t bear thinking about…
This phenomenon has spawned the media’s
current favourite phrase: “40 is the new 30”.
The gist of this trite little bundle of words is
that now we’re living longer, we can extend
our youth and settle down later. Whence and
hence, instead of having established careers,
a partner, a mortgage and two-and-a-half
kids at 30, we can now put these things off
for a decade or so. In correlation with this
unprecedented extension of youthful living is
record spending on plastic surgery and other
[YLH[TLU[Z HPTLK H[ YLJHW[\YPUN Z\WLYÄJPHS
young-ness. The search for the fountain of
youth is no longer the preserve of whacked
out Norma Desmonds, but has become
democratised and popularised to the point
where fewer and fewer people are acting
or appearing old. The ages of 30 onwards
seem to be increasingly conducted in a state
of eerie perma-youth.
Now to the other end of the spectrum:
childhood. Teenagers have always desired a
few extra years in order to reach milestones
such as legal drinking and sex, getting their
driver’s licence and leaving school. However!
At risk of sounding like a twinset-wearing
old lady with many cats; kids are growing
up quicker these days, what with all that rap
music and short skirts. In all seriousness,
though, it’s really, truly true: children are
actually hitting puberty younger. In the UK in
1840 kids ‘developed’ at around 16 years.
By 1993 that average age had fallen to 12.5.
Added to this is the fact that young people
are performing social indicators of adulthood,
such as drinking and having sex, earlier than
ever before.
It’s no longer just teenagers wanting to
accelerate a few years ahead, either. Now
[^LLUZ HUK L]LU IVUH ÄKL JOPSKYLU HYL
NL[[PUNPUVU[OLHJ[HUK[OPZPZYLÅLJ[LKPU
how these groups are treated by the media
and advertisers. It has been the subject of
much A Current Affair-style reportage that
the ‘tween’ or ‘pre-teen’ market is booming.
For example, according to Valerie Lawson
from The Age, Barbie dolls are now marketed
at three- to four-year-olds and slutty Bratz
dolls to seven- to nine-year-olds. And, by
[OL [PTL `V\»YL PU KV\ISL ÄN\YLZ KVSSZ HYL
over, man. Call me a late developer, but it
wasn’t that way when I was knee-high to a
grasshopper.
This is symptomatic of not only how young
women are encouraged to spend, spend,
spend (designer clothes in Teen Vogue,
anyone?) but also of how girls are impelled
to present a highly sexualised image from
increasingly young ages. Case in point: the
nine year-old tramps wandering your local
shopping centre in minis, high-heeled thongs
and more eyeliner than Avril. Boys are treated
in a similar manner as mini-consumers,
especially in regards to electronics such as
games consoles, although the only people
sexualising them are Catholic priests. Ooh,
controversial.
So where does this leave us? The oldies want
to strip back the wrinkles and tone up the
sagging bodies to resemble us. The young
‘uns want to grow bad teenage moustaches
and/or wear impossibly heavy makeup so
as to also appear like us. So, quite frankly,
we’re sitting in a pretty peachy seat. We’re in
our physical prime, although I’m sure most
VM\ZYLHSPZL[OH[[OLYLHYLILULÄ[Z[OH[JVTL
with age (primarily, you know lots of stuff.) So
enjoy your supple skin and shiny hair. You’re
only young once.
give a shit
‘Life is an adventure of passion, risk,
danger, laughter, beauty, love, a burning
curiosity to go with the action to see what
it is all about, to search for a pattern of
meaning, to burn one’s bridges because
you’re never going to go back anyway, and
[VSP]L[V[OLLUK;LYYPÄLKI`[OPZKYHTH[PJ
vista, most people just exist…’ – Saul D.
Alinsky, Reveille for Radicals
So many of us ‘just exist’.
Meanwhile, we live in a world of constant
turmoil. There are wars, diseases, droughts.
There is widespread poverty and starvation.
You name it, we’ve got it. ‘Terror’ has become
so much a part of daily lives we just let it roll
over us. So many students attending this
university do not care that there are people
starving in Africa while Australian kids become
obese. Or that Iraqi civilians and American
[YVVWZHYLÄNO[PUNHUKK`PUNPUH^HYMV\UKLK
on a lie. Or that human rights abuses are a
daily occurrence in China, West Papua and
throughout the Middle East. Instead, we cry
black and blue about ‘freedom of speech’
when idiots are told not to bring Australian
ÅHNZ[VHT\ZPJMLZ[P]HS[VWYL]LU[WLVWSLMYVT
being forced to pledge allegiance under the
threat of violence. We think these things don’t
affect us. We think these are all someone
else’s battle.
But what about when it is our battle? What
happens when HECS fees increase by 25
percent? Or when we are forced onto a
by dominic rose
dodgy contract for a job that cuts our conditions
and protections? Or when we can’t access Youth
Allowance or Austudy, and when we do, we
don’t even meet the poverty line? Do students do
anything? Do we try to change these things that
force us into poverty and desperation? No. People
don’t. They just exist. We give as much of a shit
about these things as we do about dying African
babies. I hope that makes you feel uncomfortable.
It makes me uncomfortable. I am worried that
people are so apathetic that they don’t care about
themselves.
In my ever-humble opinion, people need to
toughen the fuck up. We are so soft that we
become easily overwhelmed by the world in which
we live. We do not want to be challenged or be
active. We whine that we can’t make a difference
or that it doesn’t affect us. Bullshit. People dying
around the world have an excuse to not get up
and do something – starvation, poverty and the
ÔVSL NLULYHS K`PUN [OPUN THRL P[ H [HK KPMÄJ\S[
to rise up - but what excuse do we have? Are
we scared? Or have people actually convinced
themselves that they can’t make a difference?
So, why don’t we care? Socialists would tell you
that we are so suppressed as a class that we have
become divorced from society. Traditionalists will
tell you that we have lost the values and ideals of
our society. People who believe in religion will put it
down to a lack of spirituality and ‘connectedness’
with the higher being(s). Atheists will tell you we
have been brainwashed by created concepts onto
which we place way too much trust. Personally, I
think all of those reasons are a load of crap. I think
people actively choose to not care. I think people
KVU»[ [HRL YPZRZ HUK KVU»[ ÄNO[ ILJH\ZL [OL` HYL
simply lazy.
Toughening the fuck up requires people to realise
that we can do something about our situation.
We don’t have to keep getting knocked down.
We don’t have to take this every single time.
For example, in Victoria, a new trade union has
been formed called ‘Unite.’ They are countering
the conservative Shop, Distributive and Allied
Employees Association and are organising and
taking active steps to achieve better deals for
young, casual workers. Nowhere else in the world
has Borders agreed to a union deal. When young,
casual staff took an active stance against their
individual contracts, which set their wages at
$14.50 no matter the day or hour, to get a better
deal and the overtime rates they deserved, they
achieved results. Borders agreed to give them all
their minimum conditions. This means on Sunday
nights, managers who are on individual contracts
get $16/hr, where as young, casual workers get
$42/hr. If we are willing to not just exist, we can
make a difference.
We are knocked down every single day and
we do nothing. We constantly have to choose
between getting an education, keeping our jobs
and remaining healthy. We have to struggle just
to get support from the government to live, let
alone buy books. This university makes us choose
between earning an extra couple of dollars (Lord
knows we need them) and going to class. The
media accuses all young people of being criminals,
lazy and fundamentally a bad
lot. Why don’t we get angry?
Why don’t we strike back? We
stand by and let it all roll over
us. We exist. Some of us form
committees and working parties.
>LZP[IHJRÄSSLK^P[OV\YVÛ
self-importance, and we talk.
(UK [OH[»Z HSS ^L KV >L ÄNO[
and we debate and in the end
we have pretty little policies that
go straight into the bin when the
next wave comes about. Existing
for a committee is the worst. We
care enough for the status but
not the work that needs to be
done.
This year we have the prime opportunities to
toughen the fuck up. There is a federal election.
We have the chance to throw out a government
that does everything in its power to hurt us. We
have the Your Rights @ Work Campaign. We
OH]LHJOHUJL[VÄNO[MVY[OLYPNO[Z[OH[^LOH]L
built up over 100 years. We have groups like the
Education Action Network, the Environment,
Women’s and Queer Departments that will all be
HJ[P]LS`ÄNO[PUNMVYHIL[[LYKLHS
We have two choices: We can grow up, and
toughen the fuck up. Or we can put down this
paper and just exist.
23
growing up
'NKS5L
growing up
?DEH@
o’ the nineties
by michelle goodwin
My friend and I are utterly obsessed with Richard
E. Grant – and not in your typical crush-on-astar kind of way (though he is quite handsome).
We believe that he is truly the greatest actor
alive today. I admit that much (or all) of our
judgement is based on his role as the outlandish
and eccentric character Withnail in Withnail and
I. But really, I don’t think I’ve ever seen an actor
nail a character so well. Such genius! Such skill!
Ah Richard, you are the star of stars…
Now all this may not seem to have much to
do with the nineties, but it does. You see, our
Richard starred in Spice World. And so it was
that my friend and I found ourselves watching
this laughably silly product of the nineties. We
told ourselves we were watching it to appreciate
Richard’s greatness. But, inevitably, I was caught
up in it all – stumbling down memory lane and
YLSP]PUN T` HIZVS\[L SV]L VM [OL MV\Y [OVZL Ä]L
wacky girls and their addictive pop songs.
Back in the nineties, almost every kid I knew
had a band they were obsessed with. There
were Hanson kids and Aqua kids; 5ive kids and
N’Sync kids. Even Backstreet Boys and Savage
Garden were big favourites. And then there was
my person favourite; the Spice Girls. I wish I could
say that I admired them for empowering girls with
their sassy ‘Girl Power’ attitude, but it wouldn’t be
true. I think the real reason why I loved them so
much was because they were the most colourful,
glittery, and spectacular of them all. I loved their
colourful costumes, their intricate set designs, and
especially their crazy, massive platform shoes!
Their posters coated my walls. I had all their
CDs. I had their movie on VHS, and I watched it
repetitively. God, I actually had a Spice Girls mug
which still lurks somewhere in the corner of my
room. Occasionally, I still feel that anxious pre-teen
shame about this obsession (“Man,” methinks, “the
Spice Girls are SO uncool”). But I guess you have
to learn to put all things in perspective. I mean, we
are talking about the decade when the Macarena
was danced at all the cool kids’ parties.
24
For everyone who grew up in that decade, there
PZ HS^H`Z H JLY[HPU TLTVY` [OH[ KLÄULZ [OLPY
childhood as “quintessentially nineties.” For
some, it may be the TV programs; Captain Planet,
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Round the Twist,
or (my personal favourite) Inspector Gadget. Or
THÌL P[ ^HZ [OL ÄSTZ" Home Alone, The Lion
King, and the big-budget blockbuster Titanic.
And who could forget those classic nineties
book series Goosebumps and The Baby Sitter’s
Club (who among you did not own at least one
of these books?).
For me, what best encapsulates the spirit of my
nineties childhood is not a particular product of
the nineties, but, rather, a particular experience I
had back in 1990 or 1991. It was Easter, I was
dressed in a bunny suit, and I was wandering
around the UWA campus giving out Easter
eggs. My mum was studying Law at the time,
HUK ILJH\ZL 0 ^HZ MV\Y VY Ä]L `LHYZ VSK ZOL
frequently took me to her lectures and let me
follow her around campus. On that particular day,
she even let me dress up as a rabbit, and give
out chocolate eggs to her law lecturer and fellow
students. These days my mum always tells
me, with a chuckle, that I should go and
see this law lecturer (who still teaches at
UWA), and introduce myself to him as
the Easter Bunny.
In retrospect, the whole bunnysuit thing seems oh-sokitsch, so wonderfully
cute and silly at the
same time. In this sense,
dressing up as the Easter
Bunny was quintessentially
nineties, for so much of the
decade was characterised
by this kind of excess of
outlandishness.
I could digress; I could
try to convince you that
being in a bunny suit
is not really ‘nineties’ at
HSS (M[LY HSS [OL ÄST
Donnie Darko was all about
a guy in a bunny suit (although
he gave out more apocalyptic
predictions and evil stares than
Easter eggs)! And kids still dress
up as rabbits today. But, I think, this is beside
the point. I was young; it was the nineties; and
looking back now, there is nothing else about my
childhood that seems as emblematic of the spirit
of the nineties as that day.
No matter how much we may snigger at its
inherent tackiness, the nineties really was a
special time to be growing up in. so much about
[OLKLJHKL^HZKLÄULKI`H`V\[OM\SL_\ILYHUJL"
so much appealed to the child’s innate love of all
things kitsch, all things silly. I may be biased, but I
don’t think that being a kid in any other decade in
history would have been quite so much fun.
growing up
IKREJCon out
by tom reynolds
There’s no shame in
continuing to live at
home. After all, Paul
Keating lived with his
folks until his thirties
and he didn’t turn out
too shabby. Living at
home, if nothing else,
is a much cheaper
alternative than renting.
Certainly, any Freshers thinking about moving
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For everyone else, however, there is the option
of renting.
26
Fight For Your Right to Party (and
clean up afterwards)
The biggest favour you can do yourself before
renting is to make sure you know your rights (and
responsibilities) because landlords rip off far too
many students. Admittedly, this is usually because
the student didn’t know or didn’t assert their
legal rights as tenants. The amount of information
given to you depends on the type of property. For
example, most landlords don’t provide anything
beyond a basic lease agreement whereas realestate agencies will require you to read through
your contract outlining each party’s responsibilities
before you sign anything. Student Services run a
housing assistance program which includes basic
information about the law in WA.
One Man’s Home is Another’s
Investment Property
A landlord can make or break the living away from
home experience and unfortunately just as there are
some very good landlords there are also many bad
ones. An alternative to dealing with landlords is to
go through a real-estate agency which has several
ILULÄ[Z 9LHSLZ[H[L HNLUJPLZ ^PSS VY ZOV\SK
always provide you with receipts, and most also list
their properties online, thus also providing online
payment options. Because real estate agencies
need to maintain a professional standard, repairs
and complaints tend to be dealt with quicker and
it’s less likely that they’ll try to exploit you (but if you
know your rights and ask questions this is even less
SPRLS`[VVJJ\Y9LTLTILYOV^L]LYIV[OSHUKSVYKZ
and estate managers have the right to conduct
property inspections periodically.
a bigger property means more stuff to (potentially)
damage and sharing with it brings all the problems
VMJVUÅPJ[PUNWLYZVUHSP[PLZHUK[Y`PUN[VMHPYS`ZOHYL
costs. There are some decent places around uni
with low rents, but these are typically snapped
up before uni starts. Keep an eye out for ‘tenants
wanted’ posters at the start of each semester.
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[OL`»YL TVYL LMÄJPLU[ [V OLH[JVVS HUK SPNO[ ZV
you save on your utility bills. An apartment is also
a good option for people who like their personal
space because most are limited to single or double
occupancy making them a quieter and cleaner
option than share houses. Apartment buildings are
almost always close to transport links and shops
which helps save on petrol. Party animals take
heed though – the amount of noise you can make
(and when) is limited by the (in/)tolerance of your
neighbours. Most apartment buildings also only
provide a single parking bay per unit.
The Tools
Success
of
(Squatter
Chic)
Your Home is Your Castle
There are some universal requirements for anyone
living away from home. Firstly, make sure you have
a bed! For the love of basic hygiene please don’t
become one of those people who sleeps/eats/
studies in a festy sleeping bag piled among the
old towels in the corner (you laugh now…). Basic
furniture can be bought at charity stores, passed on
from family and friends or picked up from garage
sales or the mixed offerings of the night before a
J\YIZPKL JVSSLJ[PVU LZWLJPHSS` NVVK MVY ÄUKPUN
couches). Please note, though, that it’s never a
good idea to take home electrical equipment picked
up off the curb, as they either don’t work or will cost
a small fortune to repair.
Your rent will depend on the type and location of the
property you live in. Detached houses are usually the
most expensive and you’ll probably have to share
[OLYLU[\[PSP[PLZ^P[OV[OLY[LUHU[Z;OLILULÄ[ZVMH
house are that there’s plenty of space inside, room
for the cars and noise is less of an issue. Conversely,
The Four Essential Whitegoods (fridge, microwave,
washing machine and TV) are usually advertised
for cheap prices in newspapers (try the Quokka) or
through the various ‘I’m moving/graduating’ posters
placed around uni each semester. You simply can’t
get through uni without these four things. Also keep
growing up
“
Moving out of home is the final milestone in the transition
from adolescence to becoming a young adult. It’s a liberating
“
experience best comparable to getting your licence or
being released from Guantanamo Bay.
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The Great Leap Forward
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27
growing up
$=GKP=&=JJEJC
a pelican pick-a-path
Everyone grows up.
Dakota, it’s time to pick your path.
6 @V\SVZL[OL)LZ[:\WWVY[PUN(J[YLZZ6ZJHY
[V [OH[ WLZR` 1\SPHUUL 4VVYL 5VUL[OLSLZZ
your singing voice has caught the attention of
WYVK\JLYZ>OH[PZ`V\YÄYZ[ZPUNSL&
1
You are Dakota Fanning. Congratulations!
But Hollywood is a lonely place, and as you
come of age, you seek a friendship to help you
while away the hours. Who do you choose?
If you befriend Paris and Britney, go to 2
If you hang out with Hilary and Mandy, go to 3
2 Paris informs you that, in order to keep yourself
in the public eye, you need to commence your
ÄYZ[OPNOWYVÄSLYLSH[PVUZOPW>OPJOS\JR`Z\P[VY
catches your eye?
If you take the hand of Jack Osborne, go to 4
If you get cosy with Jack Nicholson, go to 5
3
You go girlfriend! Mandy suggests that, in
order to be taken seriously as an actor, you
ULLK[VZLSLJ[`V\YÄYZ[HK\S[YVSL>OPJO6ZJHY
hopeful biopic do you choose?
If you choose Bush! A Presidency in Song, go
to 6
If you star in Jamie: A Knight in the Kitchen,
go to 7
4 <OVO 6aa` 1Y»Z JVUZ[HU[ ÅPY[H[PVU ^P[O
substance abuse has left him in rehab (again).
/V^KV`V\ÄSS[OLNHWPUNL_PZ[LU[PHSOVSL[OH[OPZ
misdemeanours have branded into your soul?
If you go crazy for Kaballah, go to 8
If you get sassy with Scientology, go to 13
5
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made you the talk of Tinseltown. However, some
suggest that the controversial liaison threatens
`V\YÄSTJHYLLY/V^KV`V\YLHJ[&
If you tell Jack to hit the road, go to 8
If you stay in the house that Jack built, go
to 14
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If you move to Canada and marry, go to 16
If you go with ‘U R My Angel,’ a soulful,
inspirational ballad, go to 10
If you leave the talentless hack by the wayside,
go to 17
If you shake it up with ‘Legs Akimbo,’ a sweaty,
KHUJLÅVVYYLHK`NYPUKLYNV[V14
13 6OKLHY;OLYL»ZVUS`[OPUNTVYLJHYLLY
7
Your chilling portrayal of sinister kitchen
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seemingly endless stream of awards. How do
`V\WYV]L`V\»YLZ[PSS+HRV[HMYVT[OLISVJR&
If you adopt a child from Rwanda, go to 9
0M`V\YLSLHZL`V\YÄYZ[ZPUNSLº3LNZ(RPTIV»H
Z^LH[`KHUJLÅVVYYLHK`NYPUKLYNV[V14
8 Getting rid of that old codger was a stroke
of genius. Your status as a free woman inspires
women worldwide. How do you celebrate?
If you adopt a child from Rwanda, go to 8
0M`V\HWWLHYPUH[LSSHSSZWLJPHSVU6WYHONV
to 13
9 Right on! Your fashionable choice lands you
in the epicentre of the Hollywood brat pack.
>OVKV`V\ÄUK`V\YZLSMS\Z[PUNHM[LY&
If you hook up with Jake Gyllenhall, go to 15
If you hook up with Maggie Gyllenhall, go to 11
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appearance. Start knocking back the gin, little
SHK`"P[»ZKVÛOPSSMYVTOLYL
THE END
14
While smutty antics may gain you
temporary notoriety, your appeal fades as
Hollywood mourns the innocent child you once
were. The only person who will have you now is
2-LKHUK[OH[»ZTVYL[OHU`V\KLZLY]L
THE END
15
1HRL PZ VUL NVVK SVVRPUN K\KL
Unfortunately, everyone else thinks so too, and
IV`KV[OLÒH[L`V\5L_[[PTLNVMVYº\NSÌ\[
PU[LYLZ[PUN»
THE END
16 >OH[& :\YLS` `V\»YL UV[ actually a
lesbian? You may be in love, but Hollywood
KVLZU»[NP]LHKHTU@V\»SSUL]LYTHRLPUHÄST
in this town again.
10 Your touching single is an instant hit, but
THE END
unfortunately you catch a debilitating disease.
/V^KV`V\WYV]L[OH[`V\HYLHºZ\Y]P]VY&»
17 *VUNYH[\SH[PVUZ @V\»]L JHSSLK HSS [OL
shots and pulled all the right moves, and will one
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relationship as the career move of a lifetime. You
HYLVMÄJPHSS`/VSS`^VVK9V`HS[`
If you attend the Oscars wearing a wig and a
Zimmer frame, go to 9
0M`V\HWWLHYPUH[LSSHSSZWLJPHSVU6WYHONV
to 13
11 Hollywood lesbianism may be over, but a
relationship with Maggie Gyllenhall is perennially
OPW/V^KV`V\JLSLIYH[L`V\Y\UVY[OVKV_`L[
fashionable, romance?
If you star alongside one another in a steamy
David Lynch thriller, go to 12
0M `V\ HWWLHY PU H [LSSHSS ZWLJPHS VU 6WYHO
go to 13
28
12
THE END
growing up
@E=CJKOEO
peter pan syndrome
by emma helsby
I have a penchant for perusing the children’s
ZLJ[PVU ÔLUL]LY 0 ]PZP[ H IVVRZOVW 0 ÄUK
myself enthralled by all the pretty pictures and
fanciful tales. But soon the sad truth hits me - I
am no longer a child, and I really ought not to
be seeking out children’s books as a source of
mental stimulation, but rather profound reads
with impressive titles, such as Edmund Burke’s
Essay on the Sublime and Beautiful. Curiously,
this compulsion for ‘kid-lit’ has only possessed
me since the commencement of my uni days.
It probably stems not so much from the desire
to grant my weary mind a holiday from English
texts, as from my lamentations over the loss of
childhood days. True, I am prone to mourning the
passing of days when life was simple and sweet.
Dear friend, you and I are at an age when we are
drawing closer to our destined adult lives, and
quite frankly, it’s frightening.
We are forging our own identities, and learning
about ourselves in the process; our passions, our
strengths, our weaknesses, our desires. This is, of
course, a wonderful aspect of growing up. Yet as
a result, our lives become a kind of multi-faceted
tangle because we wish to achieve all manner
of things and experience all sorts of personal
successes and joys. When we were children, on the
V[OLYOHUKÄUKPUNWSLHZ\YLPUZPTWSPJP[`formed the
basis of our existence. The unpretentious activity
of swinging for prolonged periods in the local
park used to be a blissful experience. Nowadays
any activity in which I partake, however simple, is
underlined by the quest for personal achievement.
To go for a casual stroll around the streets of my
suburb is not so much for the joy of experiencing
the outdoors, but primarily to attain my daily
exercise target. Pleasurable experiences still exist
for us now, of course, but unfortunately there are
numerous duties and deadlines which contend
for our attention. Just once every so often I wish
I could forget that I am an ambitious twenty-yearold, grab a friend and while away the afternoon
playing hide and seek.
Upon a recent visit to the residence of relatives with
children, I spied the trampoline in their backyard,
and was struck with the urge to dash over and
bounce on it, but knew that this just wouldn’t do.
I wished to, so badly, but I knew my family would
wonder what had overcome me if I did, so in this
case the mature university student won out over the
nine-year-old bursting to break out and bounce.
However, sometimes I see a merry child frolicking
in a puddle, displaying no compunction to the fact
that they are ruining their fancy shoes, and I am
imbued with the envy that inspires me to think,
“Those were the days!” before I promptly return to
my extremely mature and sophisticated pastime
VM ZPWWPUN ZRPUU` ÅH[ ÔP[LZ HUK ^VYY`PUN HIV\[
career possibilities.
Nonetheless, I remain haunted by the image of this
child who is not plagued by a sense of wrongdoing
(at least until her mother reproves her), while I live
in a world where guilt forms an integral component
of my day-to-day existence. For me, too much
indulgence in hedonistic escapade is accompanied
by the unpleasant prickling of my guilty conscience.
Even when I succumb to a simple pleasurable
experience, such as a night out on the town, I feel
as though this should constitute a reward for some
sort of personal achievement. In maturing, I have
developed a conscience, and by golly do I have to
live with it!
You might say that I should just get on with it
and relive those whimsical childhood days, but,
unfortunately, getting in touch with the inner child
isn’t always merited. I learnt this hard lesson when
a peer of mine dared to pursue fun on a park
trampoline, only to have her display of joie de vivre
cut short by another grown-up individual, who did
not appreciate her nostalgic venture into the realm
of childhood. What’s more, I personally am far too
self-conscious to partake in activities that might
draw attention to me in public.
However, this is not entirely the sad tale of a
young woman who is not yet 21 but sometimes
already feels geriatric. I recapture my childhood
on a frequent basis, but through more personal,
humiliation-proof, methods. Perhaps the greatest
lesson I have learnt through my foray into adult life
is that childhood is not recaptured solely through
grandiose, public gestures. One does not have to
hit a public trampoline or ruin expensive shoes in
muddy waters in order to channel a youthful spirit.
Instead, I have learnt that reliving our kiddie days
depends entirely upon personal attitude. If one is
able to ignore (just momentarily) the expectations
placed upon us as young adults, then those youthful,
sunny days will suddenly not seem that far off. And
whether you choose to do this in a public park or in
your private home, rugged up with some unhealthy
food and a Babysitters Club book, is irrelevant, and
merely a matter of personal choice.
GET THEE TO YOUR CHILDHOOD
Ten simple, user friendly ways to relive those
childhood days:
1.
Pretend the obesity crisis is non-existent for one
day HUKNV^PSKMVYHRPKKPLPUZWPYLKZ\NHYÄ_.V
all out with fruit loops, jelly beans, spiders, fairy
bread and so forth, then happily run amok on
your sugar high!
2.
Whip out the Nintendo 64 and go crazy with
Super Mario and Mario Kart!
3.
Don your bathers and run through the sprinklers
in your backyard, or, if you’re daring, do it in
your undies!
4.
Relive the Disney glory days with the classic kid’s
movies! My personal favourite is Robin Hood,
but better-known tales including The Lion King,
Beauty and the Beast, and Aladdin will more
[OHUZ\MÄJL
5.
Borrow your long-lost favourite childhood book
from your local library. If you so desire, settle
yourself in a beanbag in the kid’s section of the
library (ignoring enquiring librarians) and immerse
yourself in a kiddie fantasy world.
6.
Construct a cubby-house indoors and hide in
there all day. Insist on having dinner in there, too.
7.
Drag out your old dress up box and re-familiarise
yourself with your childhood fairy, warrior, or pirate
costumes. Don’t be disheartened by the fact that
[OLÙVSVUNLYÄ[P[»ZQ\Z[PU[LYLZ[PUN[V[HRLH[YPW
down memory lane.
8.
The next time you’re at the beach, have a
sandcastle-building competition!
9.
Revisit and make use of the dusty board game
collection lurking in the back closet of your family
OVTL .L[ IHJR PU[V [OL SPRLZ VM :UHRLZ HUK
Ladders, Battleship, Cluedo, and Monopoly.
10. If you really want to go all out and be a real hero,
then hire a bouncy castle for your back yard –
yes, they do make adult size ones! Invite a bunch
of buddies over and go for it!
29
growing up
'NKSEJC5L
authentically
by lyrian evans
“
Somebody unintentionally spits on you while they’re
talking and both of you carry on as though neither of you noticed, and
as though you’re both fooled by this pretending even though
regarded as a symptom of maturity? What is grown up
about discarding truth and replacing it with foolishness?
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30
“
neither of you actually are. Why is this kind of etiquette
You know something
that seriously irritates
me? Hearing and reading
other people asking
questions like, “Is time
really linear, circular, or
Q\Z[HUPUÄUP[LWYLZLU[&¹
VY ¸>OH[ PZ PUZHUP[`&¹
Yet, somehow, those
kinds
of
questions
always seem so totally
different and important
to me when I arrive at
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the clever studykins I
suspect you likely are, I
KVU»[ KV\I[ [OH[ `V\»]L
WYVIHIS` ^LSS HUK [Y\S`
worked out the very
question that I – well, I’ll
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Essentially, the ‘growing up’ that socially-mainstream
messages instruct us to do is a sham. The sociocultural symbols and protocols which we strive so
diligently to acquire and conform to are arbitrary
tools we use to continue the construction of the
make-believe scaffolding which we depend on in
order to stake out our place in the universe. And
we are encouraged to fool ourselves into believing
that these illusions are not devoid of some truthful
substance: that they are necessary for any ‘real’,
valid life and happiness. But to be a debonair,
smooth-talking icon of societal success and worthy
ambassador of the corporate world is, essentially,
just to be a different kind of childish, living in a big
shiny bubble of good manners and bad faith. Which
raises the question of what it means to be grown
up. What is it that wine appreciation, credit cards
and formalwear should represent – what is it we’re
YLHSSÒVWPUN[VÄUKILOPUK[OLT&(UKÔH[^V\SK
serve as better representations, seeing as the ones
we’re attuned to noticing (thank you David Jones
HUK7VYZJOLHYLZVTPZSLHKPUN&
I guess my answer is that growing up, at this point
in socio-cultural time-space, really means living,
breathing and believing a farce. The more illusory,
arbitrary constructs you take as truths, the more
‘grown up’ you are. But, bearing that bung-eyed
fella’s ruminations in mind, to become authentic by
doing away with bad faith is to subject yourself to
the pangs and arrows of uncompromised truth, and
learning to acknowledge and handle that truth. To
me there seems to be something far more admirable
about that than about childishly clinging to the
security blanket of standardised, commercialised
make-believe in seeking a false sense of meaning for
reassurance. Being an accomplished, breadwinning
go-getter doesn’t mean that you aren’t pretending
not to pretend to ignore what is true about things, as
you’ve been moulded to. Somebody unintentionally
spits on you while they’re talking and both of you
carry on as though neither of you noticed, and as
though you’re both fooled by this pretending even
though neither of you actually are. Why is this kind of
L[PX\L[[LYLNHYKLKHZHZ`TW[VTVMTH[\YP[`&>OH[
is grown up about discarding truth and replacing it
^P[OMVVSPZOULZZSPRL[OPZ&
0U HU PKLHS ^VYSK 0 [OPUR 0»K KLÄUL NYV^PUN \W HZ
something along the lines of learning to rid ourselves
of bad faith; learning to live authentically. Actively
doing justice to our capacity for self-awareness. All
[OH[»ZSLM[UV^PZ[VÄN\YLV\[ÔPJO[OPUNZPUKPJH[L
this kind of authenticity (babies’d probably know),
and to get into the habit of recognising them.
* Existentialist
1905-1980.
philosopher
Jean-Paul
Sartre,
arts
mastered the art of masking your racist and sexist
prejudices, and you think that you’ve got your head
screwed on straight, and that junkies and teen
mothers ought to blame their stupid selves for the
pitiful mess they’re in. You spout that you’ve ‘found
yourself’ and aim to ‘live life to the full’, but actually
you’ve just managed very well to blind yourself to
how clueless you are about how empty your life is.
And this is because you have been conditioned by
The West Australian and Eddie McGuire to not look
MVYVYZLL[OL[OPUNZ[OH[PUKPJH[LV[OLYZPNUPÄJHU[
stuff (stuff like self-awareness, authenticity and bad
faith), that arguably is what it really takes to be truly
grown up.
growing up
tertiary
CNKSEJC
by jesse li
So you’re a fresher. Five years of high school under
your belt, but not much else. And you’ve set foot on a
campus you’ll most likely be calling your second home
for at least the next three years (less if you drop out,
or more, depending on how many exams you fail, how
much of a “Guild Hack” you become and how often
you decide to rip up your enrolment to start afresh.) It
may seem like a long time, but you’ll be having fun, and
`V\»]LHSSOLHYK[OLHUJPLU[º[PTLÅPLZ»HULJKV[L(UK
it that time, there is exists the scary potential for your
ZL_`H[OSL[PJÄN\YL[V[\YUPU[V\NS`S\TWZVMMH[;OPZ
is because, however adult you may consider yourself
[VIL`V\YIVK`HJ[\HSSÒHZU»[ÄUPZOLKNYV^PUN`L[
/PNOZJOVVSZH^`V\YIHSSZKYVWIYLHZ[ZPUÅH[LJPYJSL
appropriate) and now it’s uni’s turn.
Liver
No doubt, the university years will provide you with many
a good drunken experience. Unlike many Asian cultures,
where drinking in moderation is a nightly practice with
dinner, much of Western social culture relies upon events
held on Friday and Saturday nights, where it’s culturally
acceptable to binge drink. It’s hard to remain sober when
such a large number of drunken students are together in
a packed, dimly lit club, with “Billie Jean” pumping in the
background. But it’s as much about peer pressure as it
is on how alcohol is marketed to university students. The
role of low-priced jugs and special promotions during
happy hour may seem like a bargain – but it ultimately
contributes to a far higher medical bill, when you end
up in hospital for cirrhosis, further down the track. The
regulation of marketing practices (such as sale prices,
promotions, and advertisements) may be important
strategy for the reduction of binge drinking and its
accompanying problems.
Tip to save the organ: Join the Buddhist Bliss Club
Brain
University is as much as about learning, as it is
about brainwashing. We are told that conservative
governments are bad, that campus life will collapse
under VSU and that the ‘Clubba’ is an excellent hangout spot. But this brainwashing may be very subtle, and
often in a context where you simply have to conform
to the thinking – I mean, honestly, how can you not
like Clubba? A real big eye-opener for me, though, was
studying Psychology and learning that brains can be
physically altered after constant exposure to the same
stimuli, in such a way that their synapses start making
different connections. If you took an EEG sampling
from a person before and after brainwashing, it would
be noticeably different. And if you continue the process
of brainwashing, the brain pattern may be permanently
altered. So before you go rush off and join a rally, how
much of your motivation was brainwashed?
Tip to save the organ: Resist overly emphatic lecturers,
and avoid pamphlets without references.
32
Body
Whether it’s for a ball, sports, or the cute girl/guy in
your Commerce lecture, many uni students attempt to
build and maintain a lean physique during the academic
year. However with rigorous academic schedules, and a
myriad of extra-curricular activities, the stress and fatigue
can often give way to poor excuses such as “I just don’t
have time to go to the gym”. For many, this can spiral
into an unhealthy cycle of procrastination, making that
LS\ZP]LÅH[Z[VTHJOHWWLHYM\Y[OLYHUKM\Y[OLYH^H`:V
if you don’t want to be as hot as Amanda Vanstone, its
time to plan ahead.
Tip to save the organ: Instead of saying “I’ll train when
I’m free from study” say, “I’ll study when I’m free from
training”.
Groin
Remember fresher camp – that time of ridiculous superhyped hormones? If you’re reminiscing too much about
the days when this part of your body got a lot more action,
then it’s probably time to do something about it. It’s a fact
[OH[\UPZ[\KLU[ZNVJYHa`PU[OLPYÄYZ[VYZLJVUK`LHYZ
and this sexual hyperactivity usually plateaus during third
year. But when you’re in fourth year and still standing on
your own, it may be time to realize that its best to act
now before they get married off … forever.
Tip to save the organ: Do some soul searching. Or,
H[[LUKH3LPZ\YL[YHMÄJSPNO[WHY[`;OH[UL]LYMHPSZ
Hair
>OLU 0 ^HZ PU ÄYZ[ `LHY 0 YLTLTILY H N\` ÔV OHK
his hair standing about one foot above his head (was
his name Ed?). Apart from using a truckload of gel,
he’s inspired a lot of students to copy his amazing feat
– resulting in all sorts of Elvis-esque hairstyles over next
few months. I’ve noticed that it was usually the freshers
who put the most gel in their hair. As students got more
JVUÄKLU[^P[O[OLPYZ\YYV\UKPUNZZVKPK[OLPYOHPYZ[`SLZ
becoming more sculpted and less greasy. Go for your
wacky hairstyles while you can, university may be your
only chance.
Tip to save the organ: Don’t shave off the lateral third
of your eyebrows; research shows that this may cause
hair loss.
Heart
Our heart is an amazing organ. During your time at
university it will beat roughly 105 million times and
pump 625 million litres of blood - that’s enough blood
[VÄSS4\UKHYPUN>LPY [PTLZV]LY@L[ÔLU`V\[OPUR
about it, it only takes one abnormal heart rhythm to send
`V\YOLHY[PU[VKLÄIYPSSH[PVUKPZVYKLYSLHKPUN[VHOLHY[
attack. Treat your heart well and, like a dog, it will be
loyal to you.
Tip to save the organ: Quit smoking, eat low fat foods
HUKOP[[OL[YLHKTPSSÔLUL]LY`V\JHU
>EOATQ=HO
ever-changing
perceptions of
sex(ual intercourse)
by zarah m. burgess
THE PLAY SCHOOL STAGE
([[OL[LUKLYHNLVMÄ]L0OHKHSYLHK`SLHYULK
MYVT T` TV[OLY [OH[ ºZL_» ^HZ ÔLYL [^V
NYVÛ\WZ ÔV SV]LK LHJO V[OLY ]LY` T\JO
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H ºZWLJPHS O\N» [OH[ MLS[ X\P[L UPJL :OL ^HZ
L_[YLTLS`JHYLM\S[VTHRLZ\YL[OH[0\UKLYZ[VVK
[OL O\N ^HZ H WHY[PJ\SHY VUL [OH[ VUS` HK\S[Z
ZOV\SKH[[LTW[HM[LYÔPJOZOLX\PJRS`SL[[OL
Z\IQLJ[ZSPKL<UKLYZ[HUKHIS`T`YLZWLJ[MVY
T`TV[OLYOHZZPUJLKPTPUPZOLKZVTLÔH[
You see, unfortunately for my mother, there
is always that one kid at school who takes
malicious glee from enlightening every other
child about the act of sex. You know the type
I’m talking about, perhaps you were that very
kid yourself? It’s the kid who ruins Santa Clause
and smells vaguely of Jack Daniels, because
his/her mother is a drunkard and they forgot to
brush their teeth before they kissed their little
turd of a child goodnight. Thanks to one such
child amongst my classmates (incidentally, the
same little arsehole who told me the so-called
‘truth’ about the Tooth Fairy), I soon learned the
ins-and-outs, as it were, of this mysterious act.
Thus, by the time I was seven years old, I had
learned enough about ‘penises’ and ‘vaginas’ to
ÄN\YL V\[ [OL ÄULY WVPU[Z VM [OPZ ºZWLJPHS O\N»
To this day I am also sure that, had my mother
been completely honest with me, she would have
actually told me that ‘sex’ was where grown-ups
(who didn’t necessarily love one another, but
could at least pretend they did for the modest
price of one bottle of vodka) would take off their
clothes and give each other a ‘special hug’
THE NAUGHTIES STAGE
Still, nothing in my childish imagination could
prepare me for the explosive surprises ejaculated
by the public school system Sex Education
programme. Sex, it seemed, was nothing short of
dirty, unholy and (from all accounts and diagrams)
a little unhygienic. As a result of this brief (yet
disturbingly descriptive) education, my memory of
[OLTPKUPUL[PLZPZKLÄULKI`[OYLLZ\IZ[HNLZ!
1. Disgust. During this stage, there was not a
single child in the whole class who did not feel
ashamed about the fact that their parents had
JVTTP[[LK [OPZ NVKH^M\S HJ[ 7LYZVUHSS` 0
was disgusted when I realised that my parents
must have committed such sin TWICE – once
in conceiving me, and the second in conceiving
my sister. However, it was nothing compared to
the humiliation felt by the members among us
who came from larger families. One poor kid
from a six-child family actually stopped attending
ZJOVVSMVYHÔPSLZVTVY[PÄLK^HZOLÔLUOL
ÄN\YLKV\[[OH[OPZKHKT\Z[OH]LZ[\JRP[[VOPZ
mother at least six times.
2. Denial. Once we had dealt with our initial
TVY[PÄJH[PVU^LHSSJHTL\W^P[OZ[VYPLZ[VOPKL
the fact that our mothers were sluts. Some went
with the adoption tactic. I, being far superior in
intellect… and looks (though my appearance
“
The early high school stage (years 8-10) was, for
most of my classmates, the time in which they
learned everything and anything there was to
know about sex… without actually doing any of it
themselves. (Now would be an appropriate time
to alert the reader to the fact that I attended an allgirls menagerie/school.) Suddenly, it was immature
[VÄUKZL_KPZN\Z[PUN7LVWSLÔV\[[LYLK[LYTZ
like “vas deferens” or “sexual intercourse” were
Z\KKLUS`^PZLYH[OLY[OHUÄS[O`
During this stage, we learned that sex isn’t
always just between a male and a female: it
could be between two males…and, in the case
of two of our number on Year 10 Camp, two
females. Suddenly, half the girls in the year
group claimed to be bisexuals. Any deviation
from the construed sexual ‘norm’ was seen
as trendy – and a sign of social intelligence.
Although admittedly, most girls soon realised
that a few awkward gropes after a night of
OP[[PUN [OL 7HZZPVU 7VW KPK UV[ JV\U[ [V^HYKZ
the Bisexual Badge on their Girl Guide sash.
And then condoms ruined any shred of maturity
(and dignity) we had.
@LHY :L_ ,K\JH[PVU VY ;OL +H` >L 7\[
Condoms On Zucchinis) was a sexual milestone
for me, personally. Not only did I learn that bananaÅH]V\YLKJVUKVTZHYLHUHWWYVWYPH[LZ\IZ[P[\[L
for lunch, I also learned that zucchinis don’t count
as a girl’s First Time. However, I still maintain
that asking teenage girls to simulate the act of
I still maintain that asking teenage girls to simulate the act of putting
a condom on a penis by using a foot long, eternally hard vegetable is setting the
“
>EN@O
PDA
>AAO
=J@PDA
THE PRE-PUBESCENT STAGE
bar rather too high, and is a sure way to instil false hopes that will
only lead to inevitable disappointment.
has nothing to do with this story…anyway),
managed to convince my classmates that I was,
in fact, a test-tube baby. This idea inevitably
failed as everyone else decided to jump on the
test-tube bandwagon, and my story suddenly
lacked credibility.
2. Regression (also known as The “It” Stage.)
Do you remember when every time someone
said the word “it”, it was interpreted as a sexual
reference? This is the time period I speak of.
For example:
4(9@!7,PZZVIVYPUN
JANE: I like it.
MARY (and other little shits):
You like “it”!
OOOOOOOO!
Exit Jane, stage left. Head is hung low with the
shame of being a whore who likes “it”.
Unfortunately, this was an all-too-frequent
occurence for me.
putting a condom on a penis by using a foot long,
eternally hard vegetable is setting the bar rather
too high, and is a sure way to instil false hopes
that will only lead to inevitable disappointment.
The only piece of information I have retained, to
this day, is that condoms actually make for rather
amusing (and tasty) balloons.
THE POST-COITAL STAGE
After spending the majority of my teenage
years fantasising/fretting about the act of sex
and all associated consequences (Chlamydia,
pregnancy… death), the aftermath of said act
was considerably less dramatic. Which leads
me to believe that all those years of research
and experimentation were a waste of time. The
only concrete truth I came away with was that
Santa does not exist. And, honestly, that
^HZHSV[TVYLKPZHWWVPU[PUN[OHUÄUKPUN
out a zucchini is larger than the average
male penis.
33
growing up
PDA
that felt quite nice for the male (and was mostly
obligatory from the female perspective). But
that notion, like the majority of my childhood, is
purely speculative.
old
by tom reynolds
As a young whippersnapper myself, I have to admit
there’s a lot more I don’t know about ageing than
what I do know. Like why old men never wear
deodorant, how old people lose so many teeth and
when exactly (if ever) do you become too old for sex?
Actually, I’ve been told a lot of rumpy-pumpy goes
on in the average nursing home, so I guess you’re
never too old to be frisky. What I do know, though,
is that ageing and dying aren’t as closely linked as I
had previously thought they were. A lot of people live
SVUN KPNUPÄLK SP]LZ ILMVYL ZWVU[HULV\ZS` K`PUN VY
experiencing a quick decline. Although the process
of ageing can be confronting it’s not really any more
about dying than it is about another stage of life.
4HU` VM [OL ^VYSK»Z TVZ[ WYVTPULU[ WLVWSL HYL M\SS`
ripened, including Rupert Murdoch (76), David Suzuki
(71), Henry Kissinger (84) and Elizabeth II (81). All of
these people have exerted a considerable force in their
VÛ ZWOLYLZ VM PUÅ\LUJL HUK YLTHPU HJ[P]L PU [OLPY
pursuits. At the conclusion of a lifetime most people
^PSSOH]LTHKLHJVUZPKLYHISLPUÅ\LUJLVU[OLWLVWSL
around them if not the broader community. After all,
our grandparents are responsible for producing our
parents and are indirectly responsible for us too.
Unfortunately, the tragedy of being aged in Australia is
that the elderly are marginalised and neglected socially
HUKPU[LYTZVMZ\WWVY[HUK^LSMHYL
(Z TLTILYZ VM [OL PU[LYUH[PVUHS `V\[O J\S[\YL ^L
OH]LP[Z^LL[@V\[OH[[YHJ[ZHKPZWYVWVY[PVUH[LSÒPNO
HTV\U[VMHK]LY[PZPUNHUKTHYRL[PUNMVJ\ZHZ^LSSHZ
being one of the most culturally supported groups in
“
personal neglect and mental fragility and it also makes
the aged more vulnerable to exploitation. The status of
[OLHNLKPU(\Z[YHSPHPZL_LTWSPÄLKI`[OL^H`W\ISPJ
spaces are designed. Most restaurants, shopping
JLU[YLZ W\ISPJ [YHUZWVY[ HUK WHYRZ OH]L SV^ZP[[PUN
JOHPYZ HUK ILUJOLZ [OH[ HYL KPMÄJ\S[ MVY [OL LSKLYS`
to use, given the common hip and knee problems.
Public toilets lack handrails and this forces many of
[OL HNLK [V \ZL KPZHISLK [VPSL[ MHJPSP[PLZ ÔPJO JHU
ILLTIHYYHZZPUNHUKYLPUMVYJLZ[OL^H`HNLKWLVWSL
are removed from mainstream society. Handrails and
OPNOJOHPYZHYLJOLHWHUKVI]PV\Z^H`Z[VHZZPZ[[OL
elderly, but they’re rarely considered in planning for
public facilities.
;OL^VYZ[L_HTWSLVM[OLTHYNPUHSPZH[PVUVM[OLHNLK
PU (\Z[YHSPH OV^L]LY PZ [OL WLUZPVU Z`Z[LT 4VZ[
pensioners aren’t reduced to eating dog food for
dinner but I’ve seen enough of them queuing up at
[OL Z\WLYTHYRL[ [V RUV^ [OH[ [OL H]LYHNL TLHS MVY
pensioner diet is cheap and Spartan. Typically, it’s a
JVTIPUH[PVU VM JOLHW HUK ÄSSPUN JHYIVO`KYH[LZ SPRL
Growing old doesn’t necessarily mean a long and painful process
towards total physical and mental entropy. It also doesn’t mean being
“
growing up
'NKSEJC
up –
'APPEJC
automatically carted off to the nursing home after you retire to
spend a decade eating Sunday roasts.
society. I believe issues of inadequate housing and
^LSMHYL ZLY]PJLZ HYL TVYL [V KV ^P[O 3PILYHS 7HY[`
ideology than any cultural grudge against young
people. These problems are quite unlike the problems
MHJPUN THU` LSKLYS` WLVWSL ÔPJO Z[LT MYVT IV[O
government practice and Australian cultural norms.
potatoes and pasta, soft fruit such as oranges, mince
and the obligatory packet of teabags. In one of the
^LHS[OPLZ[ JV\U[YPLZ PU [OL ^VYSK ÔPJO PZ HSZV H
ZPNUPÄJHU[MVVKL_WVY[LY[OLZ[H[LZ\WWVY[NP]LU[V[OL
average pensioner is appalling. The tightening of social
^LSMHYLJVU[YPI\[LZ[VHUKJVTWV\UKZ[OLZVJPHSHUK
mental poverty of so many aged Australians.
One of the biggest problems for the
elderly is social isolation. Isolation
JHU JH\ZL KLWYLZZPVU ^P[OKYH^HS
Where support is given it’s been very restricted. Some
VM[OLUL^LY;YHUZWLY[OI\ZZLZOH]L[^VOPNOZLH[Z
34
I\[[OPZPZPUHKLX\H[LJVUZPKLYPUNOV^WVW\SHYW\ISPJ
[YHUZWVY[ PZ ^P[O WLUZPVULYZ ÔV JHU»[ HMMVYK [V Y\U
their cars. There’s also a lack of social activities for the
aged and those that are organised (and there has been
HU\UL]LUS`PUJYLHZPUNU\TILYHYLKLÄUP[LS`KL[HJOLK
from the rest of the community. The treatment and
services provided for the aged are mixed. Isolation
is a serious problem for many elderly people, as are
PUZ\MÄJPLU[ TLU[HS OLHS[OJHYL HUK WO`ZPJHS [OLYHW`
ZLY]PJLZÔPSLHSS[OLÔPSL[OLWLUZPVUYLTHPUZH[HU
essentially poverty line rate.
I think the biggest social issue confronting our society
in the near future is the demographic rise in the
number of elderly and aged citizens. The reality is that
as an ageing nation our treatment and consideration
of older people has to change. Social services and
^LSMHYL ULLK [V IL PTWYV]LK HUK L_WHUKLK >L
HSZV ULLK [V ZLYPV\ZS` PU]LZ[ [V^HYKZ RLLWPUN VSKLY
WLVWSL WHY[ VM [OL ^PKLY JVTT\UP[` 6\Y WLYZPZ[LU[
isolation of the old, excluding them from public spaces
and community planning, cannot continue because it
YPZRZ[OLNYV^PUNTHUPMLZ[H[PVUVMTLU[HSHUKWO`ZPJHS
OLHS[O WYVISLTZ 0U V[OLY ^VYKZ [OL YVSL VM [OL VSK
ULLKZ[VILZVJPHSS`YLLUNPULLYLK[V^HYKZPU[LNYH[PVU
rather than exclusion.
.YV^PUN VSK KVLZU»[ ULJLZZHYPS` TLHU H SVUN HUK
WHPUM\S WYVJLZZ [V^HYKZ [V[HS WO`ZPJHS HUK TLU[HS
entropy. It also doesn’t mean being automatically
carted off to the nursing home after you retire to spend
a decade eating Sunday roasts before going kaput.
To me becoming a senior citizen isn’t about eating
IHUHUHZHUKIVPSLKWV[H[VLZÔPSL^HP[PUN[VKPL0[»Z
HIV\[YLHWPUN[OLYL^HYKZVMHZ\JJLZZM\SSPML[OYV\NO
holidays, grandchildren, family gatherings, the pursuit
of hobbies and all round enjoyment of the best things
about being alive. Becoming elderly is just another
phase of life, even if it is the most overlooked and
marginalised of them all.
wisdom
There are far too many lessons in life for us to
learn each and every one of them ourselves.
It becomes necessary to seek out alternative
sources in our quest for self discovery and
growth; learning the hard way can really take its
toll. People turn to everything from Shakespeare
to psychic hotlines in search of a helping hand on
the perilous journey to adulthood. But where can
you learn the lessons that really matter, giving rise
to those rare moments of profound realization?
Where can you learn that life is Cheaper By The
Dozen? Who will enlighten you with The Truth
About Cats and Dogs? Hollywood is a repository
of knowledge as vast as any library. I’ve chosen
the school of cinema over the school of hard
knocks, and I haven’t had a moment of regret.
(SST`KLÄUPUNTVTLU[ZOH]LILLUL_WLYPLUJLK
vicariously through attractive people with shiny
hair whose speech never falters. My life often
spontaneously breaks into an appropriately timed
montage, backed by New Order’s Bizarre Love
Triangle. Film is my go-to resource for advice
about growing up. Allow me to share with you
just a short selection of silver screen insights…
by abby asomani
Young Adulthood
(KTP[[LKS` [OPZ PZ HU H^R^HYK Z[HNL I\[ LHJO
TVTLU[ PZ SVHKLK ^P[O WV[LU[PHS MVY L_WLYPLUJL
ZLSMYL]LSH[PVU HUK NYV^[O LZWLJPHSS` PM `V\ HYL H
/\THUP[PLZTHQVY;OL-\[\YLPZVUL]LY`VUL»ZTPUK
HUK[OL^VYSKJHUILKP]PKLKPU[V[^V[`WLZ!WLVWSL
ÔVRUV^ÔH[[OL`»YLNVPUN[VKV^P[O[OLYLZ[VM
[OLPYSP]LZHUKWLVWSLÔVKVU»[:OHYLOV\ZLSP]PUN
PZHKPZ[PUJ[WVZZPIPSP[`"SP]PUNPUJSVZLJVUÄULZ^P[O
V[OLYZ I\PSKZ JOHYHJ[LY @V\UN ^VTLU PUL]P[HIS`
MHSS MVY HSVVM [LTWLYHTLU[HS T\ZPJPHUZ ^P[O IHK
OHPY0[»ZULJLZZHY`MVYMYPLUKZOPWJSPX\LZ[VOH]LH
YLN\SHYOHUNV\[WYLMLYHIS`HZTVR`JS\IVYHÄM[PLZ
[OLTLKKPULY;OPZPZ`V\YSHZ[JOHUJLMVYHNYHUK
NLZ[\YLVMWHYLU[HSKLÄHUJL
4V]PLZ [V ^H[JO! St. Elmo’s Fire, Reality Bites,
Singles, Clerks, Prozac Nation, The Rage In Placid
Lake, Garden State
Adulthood
0KLHSS`[OLKLÄUPUNTVTLU[ZVMJOPSKOVVKZOV\SK
VJJ\YK\YPUNVULWHY[PJ\SHYS`SVUNOV[Z\TTLYPU
ÔPJO[OLKPZJV]LY`VMH^VUKLYM\SUL^^VYSKHUK
VYHUL_[YHVYKPUHY`JVTWHUPVUWYLJPWP[H[LZ[OLLUK
VM `V\[OM\S PUUVJLUJL @V\Y VWWVY[\UP[PLZ MVY ZLSM
KPZJV]LY`NYV^L_WVULU[PHSS`PM`V\HYLVUHUH[OSL[PJ
[LHTH[[LUKZ\TTLYJHTWVYWLYMVYTJOVYLZMVY
LSKLYSÙLPNOIV\YZ6YWOHUZHUKJOPSKYLUULNSLJ[LK
I` [OLPY ^VYRHOVSPJ WHYLU[Z HYL ^PSKS` PTHNPUH[P]L
IYH]LHUKYLZPSPLU[0MH[HSSWVZZPISLNL[9VI9LPULY
[VKPYLJ[(Y\UUPUNUHYYH[PVUPZWYLMLYHISL
+LZWP[L[OL^LHS[OVMSPMLL_WLYPLUJLNHPULKK\YPUN
JOPSKOVVK HKVSLZJLUJL HUK `V\UN HK\S[OVVK
WLVWSL Z[PSS THRL LYYVYZ VM Q\KNTLU[ (K\S[OVVK
PZH[PTL[VJVYYLJ[WHZ[TPZ[HRLZ*VUMYVU[H[PVUZ
TH` IL ULJLZZHY` [V L_VYJPZL WZ`JOVSVNPJHS
KLTVUZ/PNOZJOVVSYL\UPVUZHYLHWYPTLSVJH[PVU
[V YLJVUULJ[ ^P[O HU VSK ÅHTL VY Z[HUK \W [V
[OH[ JOPSKOVVK I\SS` ,P[OLY WLVWSL HYV\UK `V\
^PSS JVTWSHPU HIV\[ OV^ K\SS HUK \W[PNO[ `V\»]L
ILJVTLVY`V\^PSSSHTLU[[OPZJOHUNLPUV[OLYZ
,]LULTV[PVUHSS`Z[\U[LKTLUL]LU[\HSS`NYV^\W
HUKZL[[SLKVÛH[[OPZZ[HNLWHY[PJ\SHYS`PMWYL]HPSLK
\WVUI`HILH\[PM\S^VTHUVYHWYLJVJPV\ZJOPSK
-VYILZ[YLZ\S[Z^VYRMYVTHZJYLLUWSH`HKHW[LK
MYVTH5PJR/VYUIÙV]LS^P[O1VOU*\ZHJRPU[OL
SLHK
4V]PLZ [V ^H[JO! Stand By Me, A Little Princess,
E.T., My Girl, North, Spirited Away, The Neverending
Story, Big
4V]PLZ[V^H[JO!High Fidelity, Fever Pitch, About
A Boy, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Grosse Point
Blank, The Big Chill
Adolescence
Later Life
-PYZ[ SV]L YVTHUJL HUK ZL_ HYL THQVY MVJ\ZLZ H[
[OPZZ[HNLVMSPML0UL]P[HIS``V\^PSSILMY\Z[YH[LKPU
`V\Y H[[LTW[Z [V ^PU [OL VIQLJ[ VM `V\Y HMMLJ[PVU
I\[ Z[YHUNLS` [OL TVYL \USPRLS` H TH[JO `V\ HUK
`V\YSV]LPU[LYLZ[HYL[OLIL[[LY`V\YJOHUJLZ/PNO
ZJOVVSPZHRPU[VHWSHJLVM^VYZOPWMVY[LLUHNLYZ"
ZVTL Z[\KLU[Z HYL YL]LYLK HUK YLZWLJ[LK ÔPSL
V[OLYZ HYL ZLY]LK \W HZ ZHJYPÄJPHS VMMLYPUNZ
0U[LSSPNLU[\UHZZ\TPUNNPYSZ^PSSYLJLP]LHTHRLV]LY
(U[PJPWH[LHUH^LZVTLOV\ZLWHY[`;OL[LLU`LHYZ
HYL TVZ[ YL^HYKPUN ÔLU L_WLYPLUJLK K\YPUN [OL
LPNO[PLZHUK*HTLYVU*YV^LZOV\SKILPU]VS]LK
>OLUZLUPVYJP[PaLUZHYLU»[Z^PTTPUN[OL,UNSPZO
*OHUULS [OL`»YL NHSSP]HU[PUN HJYVZZ (TLYPJH VU H
TV[VYJ`JSL VY WVZPUN U\KL MVY H JOHYP[` JHSLUKHY
7LUZPVULYZHYLMVYL]LYKL]PZPUNTHKJHWZJOLTLZ
^P[O PUZWPYPUN YLZ\S[Z (Z [OL WYVZWLJ[ VM KLH[O
S\YRZ Q\Z[ HYV\UK [OL JVYULY [OLYL PZ UV ULLK [V
[HRLHU`[OPUNZLYPV\ZS`(THQVYS\_\Y`VMSH[LYSPMLPZ
[OLMYLLKVT[VJVTWSL[LS`KPZYLNHYKÔH[[OLYLZ[
VM[OL^VYSK[OPURZ
Childhood
4V]PLZ [V ^H[JO! The World’s Fastest Indian, Big
Fish, Grumpy Old Men, On A Clear Day, Calendar
Girls, Cocoon
4V]PLZ[V^H[JO!Fast Times At Ridgemont High,
The Breakfast Club, Say Anything…, Clueless,
She’s All That, Almost Famous, Looking For
Alibrandi, 48 Shades
35
film
reel
what movies have taught
us about growing up
film
Breaking
and Entering
Director: Anthony Minghella
Cast: Jude Law, Juliette Binoche,
Robin
Wright
Penn,
Martin
Freeman, Ray Winstone, Vera
-HYTPUNH9HÄ.H]YVU
London provides the backdrop for
Anthony Minghella’s latest offering, the
drama/romance/ thriller Breaking and
Entering. London’s changing urban
landscape mirrors its shifting cultural
demography, and it is these changes
that provide the starting point for the
events that transpire. Landscape
architect Will (Law) and his partner
Sandy (Freeman) are working on the
rejuvenation of King’s Cross, and move
[OLPY Z^HUR` TVKLYU VMÄJL [V [OPZ
rather seedy end of town. As is obvious
MYVT[OL[P[SL[OLPYVMÄJLPZPTTLKPH[LS`
robbed, and when Will chases the
VMMLUKLY OL ÄUKZ [OL `V\UN IV` PZ
the son of spirited Bosnian refugee,
Amira (Binoche). Amira provides Will an
LZJHWLMYVTOPZKPMÄJ\S[OVTLSPMLOPZ
detached partner Liv (Penn) and her
autistic daughter – and the two begin
an affair.
Breaking and Entering attempts to
explore the causes and consequences
of emotional transgressions by
contrasting them against those of
criminal offences; Will asks, “Is it worse
to steal someone’s computer or is it
worse to steal someone’s heart?”.
;OL ÄST NL[Z VMM [V H WYVTPZPUN Z[HY[
offering up a pleasing combination of
humour and intrigue. However, the
humour seems slightly disjointed from
[OL TVYL ZLYPV\Z LTV[PVUHS TPK
ZLJ[PVUVM[OLÄSTHUK[OLJVUJS\ZPVU
a little lacklustre. Look out for scenes
involving the Romanian prostitute
(completely random, but amusing
nonetheless) and Martin Freeman, who
is as entertaining as always.
Pelican Rating:
Abby Asomani
Epic Movie
For Your Consideration
The Fountain
Directors: Jason Friedberg, Aaron
Seltzer
+PYLJ[VY!*OYPZ[VWOLY.\LZ[
Director: Darren Aronofsky
*HZ[!*H[OLYPUL6»/HYH,\NLUL3L]`
Parker Posey, Ed Begley Jr., John
Michael Higgins, Harry Shearer
Cast: Hugh Jackman, Rachel Weisz,
Ellen Burstyn, Mark Margolis
Cast: Kal Penn, Adam Campbell,
1LUUPMLY*VVSPKNL*YPZWPU.SV]LY
In the year 2000, six writers decided to
make Scary Movie. A good parody and
an instant classic, but despite it’s tagline
of “No Mercy. No Shame. No Sequel”
another was made, then another, and
after that a fourth. In their wake came
Date Movie and the six writers became
[^V ;OPZ ÄST THUHNLK H ML^ SH\NOZ
but couldn’t live up to its big brothers
(even after had started to grow stale).
It may have ended there, but those
two writers (who now seem to fancy
themselves directors too) decided it
was time to make yet another, and
thus Epic Movie was born. Obviously
not realising the mistakes of the last
movie, Friedberg and Seltzer have
decided to replicate them, and get
H^H`^P[O[OPZI`THYRL[PUN[OLÄST[V
‘the MTV generation.’
As in Date Movie you will see long
and dull recreations of other movies
(usually Narnia), that are differentiated
from the original by only one, single
punchline. Some will elicit a laugh,
V[OLYZMHSSÅH[HUK[OLYLZ[HYLZPTWS`
replicas of MTV shows.
Yes, MTV. Apparently, for these
audiences, having Mr Tumnus appear
on an MTV show or seeing a Jack
:WHYYV^ SVVRHSPRL PU HU 4;= T\ZPJ
video with pirate dancers (as well as
the obligatory girls in bikinis) is what
constitutes humour. I personally spent
most of this movie wanting to feel a
bullet in my head; there’s a reason I
don’t watch MTV.
In short, it’s hard to imagine a
worse movie.
Pelican Rating: 0
Robert Brennan
0[»Z]LY`YHYL[OH[0ÄKNL[[OYV\NOHTV]PL
in desperate anticipation for the end. Even
the notoriously obnoxious Get Rich or
Die Trying was a thrilling and engaging
experience compared to this mundane
YVTW [OYV\NO PUOV\ZL /VSS`^VVK
YLMLYLUJLZ >YP[LYKPYLJ[VY *OYPZ[VWOLY
.\LZ[ HUK JV^YP[LY ,\NLUL 3L]` IV[O
HWWLHYPUNPU[OLÄSTT\Z[OH]LVI]PV\ZS`
been amused with their coy wit and subtle
industry references because they have
WYVK\JLK H ÄST HIV\[ [OL ÄST PUK\Z[Y`
KPYLJ[LKH[TLTILYZVM[OLÄSTPUK\Z[Y`
For anyone lacking in Hollywood
experience (e.g. the average audience
member) For Your Consideration
JVTLZHJYVZZHZHISHUKHUKILSV^
H]LYHNL WYVK\J[PVU ;OL ÄST P[ZLSM
deals with a potentially very funny
PZZ\L" H SVÎ\KNL[ ÄST Home For
Purim HIV\[ H Z 1L^PZO MHTPS`
PU [OL (TLYPJHU +LLW :V\[O [OH[
becomes embroiled in Hollywood
awards hype. There are also some
interesting cameos including Sandra
Oh, Richard Kind and Ricky Gervais
ÔVTVTLU[HYPSÌYPNO[LU[OLÄST
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and Hollywood itself. For example
the lead Marilyn Hack (O’Hara) has a
sudden makeover (read:‘gets tarted up’)
between scenes without explanation or
comment. This is particularly perturbing
ILJH\ZL [OL ÄST IYPUNZ \Z PU JSVZL [V
Marilyn only to be pulled away in order
to reconstruct a formerly strong and
independent woman into a caricature
ÄN\YLVMWHYVK`
For Your Consideration was a
ILSV^H]LYHNL ÄST ÔPJO KLZLY]LZ H
ILSV^H]LYHNLYH[PUN
Pelican Rating:
Thomas Reynolds
36
( ]PZ\HSS` Z[\UUPUN ZJPLUJL ÄJ[PVU QH\U[
from the director of Requiem for a Dream
and Pi, Darren Aronofsky, The Fountain
interweaves three stories with Hugh
Jackman playing the central character in
each.
;OL ÄSTZ Z[HY[Z ^P[O HU HJ[PVUVYPLU[LK
]PL^ VM [OL X\LZ[ VM H [O JLU[\Y`
Spanish conquistador attempted in order
[VÄNO[OPZ^H`[V[OLMV\U[HPUVM`V\[O
The narrative then jumps to that of a man
travelling through space in a glass globe
containing a dying tree. This character’s
WLYZVUHSÅHZOIHJRZL_WVZLHKVJ[VYPUH
more modern time, searching to cure the
cancer that is stealing his wife away.
These three interwoven stories progress
[VNL[OLY [V^HYKZ [OL ÄST»Z JSPTH_ I`
which point the three storylines begin to
come together, allowing the audience to
see the identical journeys made in the
characters in these three, very different,
stories. The climax itself has a wonderful
ZLUZL VM ILH\[` HUK M\SÄSSTLU[ HZ
1HJRTHU»Z JOHYHJ[LY ÄUHSS` JV[[VUZ VU[V
the idea we have been pummelled with
from the start.
;OLLZZLU[PHSWVPU[KYP]PUN[OPZÄSTPZ[OH[
in all its ironic glory, death is a part of a
SPML)`[OLLUKVM[OLÄSTZVTLTHÒH]L
grown tired of this philosophy, as it’s drilled
into us repeatedly. It may possibly even
detract from the climax, or simply frustrate
the viewer, as Jackman stubbornly fails to
sustain audience empathy.
Nevertheless,The Fountain is an interesting
movie; beautifully directed, well scored
and supported. Well worth a look.
Pelican Rating:
Robert Brennan
Miss Potter
Director: Chris Noonan
Cast: Renée Zellweger,
McGregor, Emily Watson
Ewan
-VY [OYLL X\HY[LYZ VM [OL ÄST 0 ^HZ
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VM [OL JS\TZ` IYHZO I\[ \S[PTH[LS`
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Pelican rating:
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Perfume – The Story
of A Murderer
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Director: Roger Michell
Director: Tom Twyker
Cast: Scarlett Johanssen, Hugh
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Cast: Ben Wishaw, Dustin Hoffman,
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Pelican Rating:
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Pelican rating:
Abby Asomani
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Pelican Rating:
Abby Asomani
37
film
LAHE?=J
summer
favourites
Dreamgirls
Forgive me for repeating myself but…
I love musicals! A world where citizens
frequently and spontaneously burst in
wonderfully harmonious songs that
everybody inexplicably knows by heart
sounds like the perfect pitch to me.
Dreamgirls is no exception. The vocal
stylings of the three leading ladies
are impressive, and coupled with the
dreamy, glittering costumes they make
convincing starlets. The fantastic show
tunes skillfully emulate that classic
Motown sound, just as the characters
take their cue from the stars of the
era (Eddie Murphy’s turn as a James
Brown-esque character is hugely
entertaining and might even earn him
an Oscar). Dreamgirls can only be
described as candy for the ears.
Pelican rating:
Abby Asomani
Realistic it ain’t – but you’ll be hard
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sensual experience without leaving the
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Pelican Rating:
Magda Wozniak
Night At The Museum
Larry (Ben Stiller), an ambitious guy
who can’t hold down a steady job
is employed as a night guard at the
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night he discovers that after dark, the
exhibits come to life and wreak havoc
and he’s been bestowed with the
dubious honour of maintaining peace
and order amongst the inhabitants
of the museum. Stiller is moderately,
but consistently, amusing and the
CGI effects are visually pleasing. The
amusing cameo appearances by
Robin Williams, Owen Wilson and
Steve Coogan are the major draw
card. Night At The Museum can be
aptly described “as a cross between
Jumanji & The Indian In the Cupboard”
and the results are generally pleasing.
Pelican Rating:
Abby Asomani
Marie Antoinette
If you’re the kind of person who
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be located only one step to the left
of the ‘documentary’ genre, then
the latest offering from the poetic
imagination of Sophia Coppola (Lost
in Translation and The Virgin Suicides)
will probably not be to your taste. Not
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but it unashamedly evades accuracy
in favour of a tantalizing, sensory
overload. It fuses mismatched accents,
a largely eighties-pop soundtrack and
Coppola’s trademark cinematography
with the intricate, perfectly detailed
sets and costumes of Marie
Antoinette’s France, in a extravagant
display of
style-over-substance.
Pan’s Labyrinth
-VYNL[[OL+H]PK)V^PLÄSTLabyrinth;
not a muppet or a cod piece in sight
in this wonderful dark fantasy from
Guillermo del Toro. Set in Franco’s
Spain this is the story of young
Ofelia sent to live with the monstrous
Capitain Vidal, and her encounters
with the mysterious Pan (or Faun).
Whether her adventures are real or the
product of her imagination is delicately
left open-ended, as the true message
is one of innocence overcoming the
brutality and cruelty that exists in the
world, conveyed with at times graphic
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you long after its beautiful, touching
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Pelican Rating:
Will May
Perth International
Arts Fesitval
featured review:
And there’s
Familia
more…
Director: Louise Archambault
Cast: Sylvie Moreau, Macha Grenon, Juliette
Gosselin, Mylène St-Sauveur, Vincent Graton
Perth Festival Films are as much a part of summer
as the long, sweltering days spent waiting for the
Fremantle Doctor What better way is there to
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under the stars, while taking in a saucy French
comedy, a passionate Mexican romance, or an
off-beat Norwegian thriller? Just as our university
semester begins anew, the silver screen at our
very own Somerville auditorium will be ablaze with
[OLÄUHSÄSTZVM[OL7LY[O0U[LYUH[PVUHS(Y[Z-LZ[P]HS
3V[[LY`^LZ[ -LZ[P]HS ÄSTZ Familia is one of the
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Exploring the intricate and volatile nature of
mother-daughter relationships, Familia presents a
candid depiction of familial tensions and domestic
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a 30-something aerobics instructor, who, beneath
her bohemian façade, is a slave to her gambling
addiction.
Faced with the impossible prospect of repaying
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and strapped for cash, they eventually settle in
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friend and her family. For a while the household
remains relatively peaceful, but inevitably tensions
soon reach breaking point.
Archambault’s female characters are refreshingly
spirited and strong, and the cast have succeeded
in effectively representing those characters.
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without being piteous, and Grenon manages to
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woman emotionally abandoned by her husband.
Rather than gradiose gestures or exaggerated
melodrama, Familia leaves us with a quiet
reassurance that despite our mistakes, the world
continues to turn and life will carry on in a justabout-bearable fashion.
Pelican Rating:
Familia screens at the Somerville Auditorium
from 5 – 11 March.
Abby Asomani
38
19 – 25 February: As It Is In
Heaven – Sa Som Himmlen
(Sweden)
Daniel, a successful conductor
returns to his childhood village and
unexpectedly reignites his love
and passion for music. An inspired
romance-drama, nominated for an
Academy Award.
26 February – 3 March: Change
of Address – Changement
d’adresse (France)
A slightly wacky, yet delightful
Parisian love story about an
introverted musician who falls in
love with his spirited housemate.
12 – 18 March The Method – El
Metodo (Spain/Argentina)
Featuring a brilliant cast from
both Spain and Argentina, this
psychological drama explores
the darker side of the competitive
corporate world.
19 – 25 March: The Page Turner
– La Tourneuse de Pages
(France)
Revenge is the motive in this
psychological thriller, in which a
disgruntled pianist is recruited by
the very family who dashed her
hopes of musical eminence.
26 March – 1 April: The Road to
Guantanamo (UK)
A docu-drama recounting the
horrible experiences of three British
Muslims detained in Guantanamo
for two years, before being
released without charge.
For more information see
www.perthfestival.com.au
.AS2AHA=OA '=IAO
pelican’s favourite
games
Viva Piñata
Grand
Theft
Auto: Vice City
Stories
XBOX 360
Developer Rare’s
5th title for an
Xbox
platform,
Viva Pinãta is yet
another departure
from the norm
for the venerable
developer; best described as Harvest
Moon meets The Sims, with piñata (yes,
the Mexican papier-mâché animals that
you smash with bats to release tasty
sweets), and plenty of the charm we have
come to expect from Rare.
Sound weird? It is. But it is also oddly
compelling, and disturbingly addictive. At
the start of the game, you are granted a
block of land on magical Pinãta Island.
The idea is to turn this barren wasteland
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diverse and bizarre piñata-type creatures
which you breed, nourish and eventually
sell. It sounds simple, but the gameplay is
deceptively deep – the piñata aren’t easy
to attract and keep happy, and maintaining
an appealing garden is hard work. Each of
these little critters has to be lured, kept,
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certain requirements and herein lies the
challenge.
Your garden is developed by purchasing
seeds, housing, and other such things,
as well as a few trusty items like a
multipurpose shovel (which improves as
you “level up”) and a dodgy watering can.
To go along with this, there are certain
quirks; evil creatures will invade your garden
and wreak havoc if you don’t take proper
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another. Thankfully, not all of the gardening
needs to be done solo: later in the game
you can “buy” helpers to do menial tasks
like watering, and other characters will pop
up to add more variety to the mix. All in all,
the gameplay works very well, and is only
held back slightly by the game’s somewhat
mediocre control system.
The beautifully, colourful visuals are
complemented perfectly by great character
design, art style and animation. They are,
however, slightly marred by occasional
frame rate dips. The audio aspects of
the game are very impressive as well,
with a solid soundtrack, excellent effects,
and good (if occasionally annoying) voice
acting. The whole package is tied together
with a great sense of humor and some
minimal Xbox live support for the cheaper
price of $70. If you have a 360, can handle
the “kiddy factor” of the game, and you
aren’t afraid of getting addicted, pick it up
as soon as possible.
Daniel Beresford
Platform: PSP
Most
gamers
should already be
familiar with this
latest installment
of the ultra-popular
GTA
franchise,
which differs only
subtly from its
predecessors. But
for those who have somehow managed to
avoid it, this third person action game offers
you unparalleled freedom in exploring the
criminal underworld of a sprawling city; in
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endless beaches, pastel suits and overthe-top drug barons.
For those returning to Vice City, you’ll notice
little has changed. While Liberty City Stories
(GTA’s previous PSP outing) took an old city
design, changing it in orderto bring new life
to familiarity, Vice City remains practically
the same as it’s PS2 incarnation. Beyond
that, this outing is considerably better than
LCS: the basic gameplay mechanics have
been well adapted to suit the PSP, and
the ability to buy all your weapons back
after dying makes the whole experience a
lot less frustrating. Despite this, however,
some problems common to the series
continue to rear their ugly head. Whilst it
is no longer counter-intuitive, the gun play
(a major part of the games) is rather bland,
though hand-to-hand combat has been
improved. Overall, this is a predictable
but improved, good-value revisiting of
a game surprisingly suited to the PSP’s
constraints.
Ed Percival
Madden NFL 07
Nintendo Wii
If there one thing
that you can
always rely on,
it’s EA Sports
and Madden. The
Madden franchise
has
always
been a solid
performer for EA, far out selling NFL Blitz
and NFL 2K, largely because it doesn’t
suck. EA worked out a good formula
and have stuck to it. But after so many
years, where to now for Madden? With
a new one released every year, what
makes us keep coming back? In short, it’s
the varied and constantly improved
gameplay; from running a million-dollar
team in the franchise mode to realising
your dream of being an NFL Hall-of-Famer
in the superstar mode.
The Wii, however, takes the old formula
to an all-new level. Now, you are the QB.
( X\PJR ÅPJR VM [OL U\UJO\R [V [OL SLM[
jukes your character to evade that tackle.
Holding the wii-mote out to the side fends
off defenders. Shoving both forward
lets you land a tackle. With some of the
Wii’s prettiest graphics and a strange but
compelling soundtrack of emo/punk and
rap, it’s freakin’ awesome. For those who
have a Wii, you need to get this game. If
you don’t have one, here is a reason to get
one.
Dominic Rose
P h o e n i x
W r i g h t :
Ace Attorney
Nintendo DS
Remember
when you were
young (maybe
I’m
showing
my age here)
and the only computer games were text
based adventures? People would sit for
days in front of their computers, trying to
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where to go next. Now, you can regain that
rad factor. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
is a text-based game for Nintendo’s DS
handheld. You play as the titular Phoenix
Wright, a rookie defence attorney who is
determined to seek justice. From here, you
are thrust into a manga style game where
you work to prove your client’s innocence!
At about $50 off eBay, some might
consider this a cheap alternative to Law
School. However, the justice system in the
game (reminiscent of Japan but apparently
set in America) doesn’t quite match real life.
All the prosecutors are evil people who will
cheat just to get a conviction (even if they
know the defendant is innocent). To make
matters worse, as a defence attorney you
have to investigate the crime, prove your
client is completely innocent and then prove
the identity of the real criminal. While
somewhat unreasonable, it can be a great
challenge. Most of the cases are easy to
medium but the last case is the best.
Dominic Rose
Rainbow
Vegas
Six:
XBOX 360
After
excellent
beginnings,
many of the Tom
Clancy franchises
(Splinter
Cell
excluded) did not
get better with
age. Abandoning
much-loved gameplay mechanics in
favour of bland action, Rainbow Six did not
make the transition consoles well. Vegas,
the latest installment, bucks this trend to
deliver a fast-paced, action extravaganza,
whilst retaining enough tactical depth to
appease more serious gamers. Terrorists
are attacking Vegas, and it’s up to you and
a wide variety of customizable real world
weapons to stop them.
Old characters and plotlines are gone, but
then story is hardly one of the game’s strong
WVPU[Z!P[»ZÄULH[NP]PUN`V\HWYL[LUZL[V
shoot terrorists, but offers few surprises.
Similarly, although the environments
provide for many interesting set pieces,
after storming your third casino things
start to look a little repetitive. The graphics,
though generally of a high standard, look
relatively unimpressive when compared to
some of the available competition. That
said, while games like Gears of War offer
similar gameplay and stronger graphics,
they lack the tactical depth, gritty realism
and modern setting of R6:V. If you’ve shied
away from Rainbow Six since it made the
move to consoles, now is a good time to
get reacquainted.
Ed Percival
39
music
1
2
3
4
5
1.
Derdang, Derdang
(YJOPL)YVUZVU6\[Ä[
Alternative
;OL (YJOPL )YVUZVU 6\[Ä[»Z ZLJVUK
album gets off to a great start with
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WV\UKZ HSVUN ^P[O H IS\LZKHUJL
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Derdang Derdang is that this pretty
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Two of its better moments are the
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“Harp for my Sweetheart,” but these
brief glimpses of versatility only
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KLWLUKLU[ VU [OL ]HYPHISL X\HSP[`
VM KY\TTLYS`YPJPZ[ (YW *SL]LSHUK»Z
V\[W\[ Derdang Derdang’s biggest
problem is simply lazy songwriting,
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Jack Midalia
2.
A Weekend in
the City
Bloc Party
Alternative
-LLSPUNOLH]PLY[OHU[OL\WILH[KYPM[ZVM
)SVJ7HY[`»Z\Z\HSZV\UKA Weekend
in the City KLTHUKZ H ZLJVUK SPZ[LU
Q\Z[[VNL[ILULH[OP[HSS(M[LYWV\UKPUN
`V\YOLHY[MVY[OLÄYZ[OHSM[OLHSI\T
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ILNPUUPUN VM [OL HSI\T»Z
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40
committing the album to silence in
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how after two or three listens all
comparisons to Silent Alarm HYL SVZ[
The lyrics themselves serve as catharsis
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2LSL 6RLYLRL»Z KLSP]LY` PZ VUJL HNHPU
PTWLJJHISLHUKVOZVWLYZVUHS3PRLS`
[V IL YLJLP]LK I` H\KPLUJLZ ^P[O H
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KPZHWWVPU[LK[OH[[OPZHSI\TKP]LYNLZ
MYVT P[Z HZ[V\UKPUN WYLKLJLZZVY )\[
though some of the most brilliant
elements from Silent Alarm are absent,
)SVJ7HY[ÒHZÄSSLK[OLYLTHPUPUN]VPK
^P[OHWYVTPZPUNTV]LMVY^HYK
Eva Bates
3.
The Crane Wife
The Decemberists
Indie
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WLYMLJ[ WLYMLJ[ JYPTL¹ ;Y` NL[[PUN
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lingering voice of front man Colin Meloy
PZ OHYK [V ZOHRL HUK KVTPUH[LZ [OPZ
HSI\TMYVTZ[HY[[VÄUPZO)HZLK\WVUH
Japanese fable, each song has an epic
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[OL IV\UKHYPLZ HUK PUJVYWVYH[PUN
MVSRSVYLPU[VHULU[PYLHSI\TI\[ÔLU
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OV^ P[ ZV\UKZ 4LSV`»Z ]VPJL PZ YLHSS`
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some of us, this is not the worst thing
PU [OL ^VYSK I\[ 0 JHU»[ OLSW I\[ MLLS
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ZVUN^VY[OSPZ[LUPUN[VHUKMVYHIHUK
HZNVVKHZ;OL+LJLTILYPZ[Z[OH[PZ
UV[NVVKLUV\NOThe perfect crime.
Nisha Richardson
6
4.
The Good, The Bad
and The Queen
The Good, The Bad and The
Queen
Alternative
7LYOHWZ+HTVU(SIHYUPZQ\Z[YLZ[SLZZ
WLYOHWZOLPZSLH]PUNILOPUKPUOPZ^HRL
a trail of enemies that force him to start
HMYLZOLHJO[PTLVYWLYOHWZP[PZQ\Z[
a sign of his own personal creativity
that sees him constantly forming new
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KPMMLYLU[KPYLJ[PVUZ>OH[L]LYP[PZ[OH[
KYP]LZ (SIHYU OL ZH^ MYLZO WV[LU[PHS
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[OL TVZ[ ZV\NO[ HM[LY WYVK\JLYZ VM
[OL TVTLU[" +HUNLY 4V\ZL ;OL
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0 ZH` THNUPÄJLU[S` L_LJ\[LK [YHJRZ
As you ease into the album you may
^LSS L_WLJ[ H TLSSV^ HSTVZ[ ZVTIYL
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Nisha Richardson
5.
Clubbers Guide
to 2007
Ministry of Sound
Dance
Clubbers Guide to 2007 KLSP]LYZ [OL
NVVKZ WYV]PKLK `V\ HYL H JS\IIPUN
Q\URPLHUKHYL^PSSPUN[VILJVUZ\TLK
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clear of those overly commercial
JS\I MH]V\YP[LZ IV[O KPZJZ WYLZLU[ H
KLJLU[ TP_ VM [\ULZ `V\ JHU NYVV]L
HSVUN [V ^P[OV\[ ULLKPUN ZLUZL MVY
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7
TVYLYLJVNUPZHISL[YHJRZJVTWHYLK[V
2PK2LUVIP»ZI\[IV[OKPZJZZOV^VMM
[OLPYZRPSSZHZTHZ[LYTP_[HWLTHRLYZ
5V[MVY[OLOHSMHZZLKWHY[`NVLY[OPZ
PZKLÄUP[LS`[OLRPUKVMHSI\T[OH[^PSS
ZLUK`V\Z[YVUNV]LY[OH[JSPMMVM`V\Y
UL_[HSSUPNO[LY
Nisha Richardson
6.
Hip Hop Is Dead
Nas
Hip Hop
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THRL \W HUK IL MYPLUKZ HM[LY Ä]L
`LHYZ VM OPNO WYVÄSL JYVZZÄYL ^HZ
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for their coalition, but who cares?
Hip Hop Is DeadYLSLHZLKI`1/V]H
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5HZH[OPZS`YPJHSILZ[ZPUJLOPZNLUYL
KLÄUPUNKLI\[Illmatic(WHY[MYVT[OL
ML^2HU`L>LZ[WYVK\JLK[YHJRZ[OL
beats are far from superb, but then
[OH[»ZUV[[OLWVPU[;VVVM[LUYHWWLYZ
have gotten away with lame rhymes,
YPKPUN[OL^H]LVMHTHaPUNWYVK\J[PVU
[OPUR: The Game’s Documentary
>OH[`V\NL[^P[OHip Hop Is Dead is
VUL VM [OL TVZ[ [HSLU[LK 4*»Z VM [OL
WHZ[KLJHKLÄUHSS`YLNHPUPUNOPZMVYT
6O HUK [OLU [OLYL»Z [OH[ ^HYT M\aa`
MLLSPUN [OH[ 5HZ HUK 1HÀ JV\SK IL
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Joe Boats
7.
Not Too Late
Norah Jones
Jazz/Blues
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Jones continues to rely upon the
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wami
by nisha richardson
8
9
songs are a labour of love, evident
in the lyrics of tracks like “Thinking
about You” and “Be My Somebody.”
Previously fusing jazz and country
elements, Jones’ music now even
wanders over into some bluegrass
- “Sinkin’ Soon” uses a trombone
and a mandolin whilst “Little Room”
features a distinct whistling solo.
Despite being a beautiful, loving
album that scratches new ground,
though, Jones’ third offering seems to
be hitting all the old notes. Essentially,
there is nothing here that you couldn’t
ÄUKHTVUNZ[OLYWHZ[YLJVYKPUNZ
Eva Bates
8.
Wincing the Night
Away
The Shins
Indie
The third and most hyped Shins
album to date creeps up on you
slowly and slightly, until it’s already
too late to resist its charm. It opens
with “Sleeping Lessons,” a song that
begins quietly and delicately and then
explodes into a fast-paced, deceivingly
joyous melody of chorus and sound.
The second track, ”Australia” was
written back stage at the Beck’s
Verandah two years ago, and it’s a
typically danceable excursion. You
could be forgiven for thinking that this
piece, with all its ‘la la las,’ is some
kind of throwaway pop song, but
listen again - nothing in The Shins
is that simple. Mercer’s lyrical poetry
also tells us “and your shape on the
KHUJLÅVVY^PSSOH]LTL[OPURPUNZ\JO
ÄS[O HUK NV\NL T` L`LZ¹ ;OLYLPU
lies the genius of this band - the way
they break your heart and make you
smile all in one song. This is the most
WYVK\JLK TVZ[ ZSPJR TVZ[ OPÄ
Shins album so far, but that is not to
its detriment. There is more going on
here than ever before; more layered
sounds, more lyrical confusion, more
jerky rhythms, more goodness.
Laura Miller
9.
Dreamgirls
Various Artists
Original Soundtrack
I love musicals! There’s nothing
sadder, though, than when that
ÄUHS J\Y[HPU JHSS PZ V]LY HUK 0»T SLM[
to bid adieu to the stars who have
entertained me, forlornly wiping a
tear from my eye as the music fades
away… until the musical soundtrack
appears! The last credits had barely
ÄUPZOLK YVSSPUN ILMVYL 0 YLZVS]LK
to immediately procure a copy of
Dreamgirls and, just as I’d hoped it
would, it made me immensely happy.
Although I am unable to compare
it to the 1982 Broadway original,
Dreamgirls is wonderfully boisterous,
and after listening to it the songs
and the music seem to loom larger
than life. This is one of those albums
that makes you want to sing along
before you know the words. Earning
a special mention, Jennifer Hudson
demands respect as she channels
Aretha, giving more heart and soul
than some listeners might be able
to handle. Listening to Beyoncé and
co. belt it out the way only divas can
brought back that big, classic sound
of Motown. A must-have.
Abby Asomani
(Z HS^H`Z K\YPUN [OL ÄUHS KH`Z VM
Z\TTLY 7LY[OPHUZ ^PSS ZVVU ZL[ [OLPY
^H[JOLZ[V>(4P;PTLHZ[OL>(4\ZPJ
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[OYVUNVMSVJHSNPNZPUJS\KPUN[OLMHTLK
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HUK¸:V\[O>LZ[:OV^JHZL¹[OLMLZ[P]HS
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7LY[OPZMHZ[ILJVTPUNHO\IVMWVW\SHY
Australian music and, as a result, the
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VUS` VUL VM [OL THQVY JH[LNVYPLZ )`
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[OL WV[LU[PHS 1VL 1\NNLYUH\[ HUK [OLPY
]HSPHU[VWWVZP[PVU
Most Popular Act
(Eskimo Joe,
Karnivool, Snowman, The Panda Band).
Eskimo Joe: You’d be wise to place your
bets on the average Joes of the Perth
music industry, Eskimo Joe. Just turn on
the radion. Any station will do...
Hell no: If Pelican had the power to
make dreams come true, we’d like to see
Snowman top this category. They have
been doing the rounds, and may well pull
a cheeky victory as they have developed a
strong following on the local music scene.
Not likely, though.
Most Popular Album :\burban
Songbook [Bob Evans], Black Fingernails,
Red Wine [Eskimo Joe], Snowman
[Snowman], This Vital Chapter [The Panda
Band])
Eskimo Joe: A consistent pattern of award
winning and chart topping is always a
good sign!
Hell no: Perhaps the sweet melodies of
Mr Evans may prevail? A fave amongst
commercial and alternative tastes alike,
OPZHSI\TKLÄUP[LS`PTWYLZZLK
Most Popular Single “Black
Fingernails, Red Wine” [Eskimo Joe],
“Killer Pink” [Sex Panther], “Small
Mercies, Sweet Graves” [Schvendes],
“Come On, Come On” [Little Birdy])
Eskimo Joe: Scoring a nice little number two
on the Hottest 100, “Black Fingernails…”
looks pretty hard to beat.
Hell no: One of these songs is not like the
other - “Killer Pink” is the only song without
a comma in the title so by the powers of
deduction, it might just be the stand out
winner. However the very catchy “Come
On, Come On” was well received and also
has a mild-moderate chance.
Most Popular Live Act ,Zkimo Joe,
Karnivool, Schvendes, Little Birdy)
Eskimo Joe: The never-ending sea of
people around these guys is pretty hard
to miss.
Hell no: Katy might ‘steele’ away the
male votes and lead Little Birdy to victory.
Leading ladies aside, though, Little Birdy
always deliver a good rock out and
impress crowds.
Most Popular Music Video (“Black
Fingernails, Red Wine” [Eskimo Joe],
“Come On, Come On” [Little Birdy], “You
Are A Casino” [Snowman], “Stand Up In
Disguise” [Antistatic])
Eskimo Joe: Oh, come on!
Hell no: Little Birdy could get the WAMi for
this category with their retro, animated and
funky video being the most memorable
and fun out of the nominees.
Favourite Newcomer (Birds of Tokyo, Mink
Mussel Creek, Streetlight, Sugar Army)
Eskimo Joe: Hell no! Finally, someone else
gets a go! The Birds of Tokyo ‘buzz’ raises
their chances, but, then, again Streetlight
have also developed a small following.
Whatever the outcome, it will be nice to
[HRLHIYLHRMYVTÄUNLYUHPSZHUK^PUL
--- For more information on WAMi Festival
events, visit www.wam.asn.au. or www.
myspace.com/musicwa. The Festival
runs 16-25 February, featuring live music
performances on each of those days.
(SZV IL VU [OL SVVR V\[ MVY `V\Y VMÄJPHS
companion to the 2007 WAMi Festival,
the 2PZZ4`>(4P three CD compilation.
It’s a neat little package, featuring both
national household names (Eskimo Joe,
Bob Evans et al.) and Perth’s best kept
secrets, as well as a DVD packed full of
our best music clips. Ideal for overseas
travel, to remind you
of what you’ve left
behind. Out now.
41
HEOPAJEJC
Three years in the making, and several
;= HUK ÄST ZV\UK[YHJR HWWLHYHUJLZ
later, ;OL :OPUZ return with maybe
their greatest album yet, Wincing The
Night Away. Singer/Songwriter James
Mercer tells Laura Miller all about it.
Your songs are pretty catchy but the
structure’s not that predictable, do you
L]LY ÄUK P[ OHYK [V NL[ [OL OVVR YPNO[ [V
THRLP[JH[JO`&
Well yeah you know actually that song [Phantom
Limb] particularly was one that I struggled with.
I had the main chord progression on the back
I\YULYMVY`LHYZHUK^HZUL]LYYLHSS`HISL[VÄ[P[
together right. But, suddenly, it just broke and fell
PU[VWSHJLHIV\[H`LHYHNVÔLU0ÄYZ[Z[HY[LK
to buckle down and write songs for Wincing the
Night Away.
the music. It’s kind of like “What is the mood I’m
being put in by this?” and “Why?” and I just try
HUKÄN\YL[OH[V\[HUKL_WYLZZP[S`YPJHSS`
life. It’s something that could possibly change
things for a long time so I just used that to keep
motivated and work hard on the record.
Sometimes the words are a little bit hard to
\UKLYZ[HUK THÌL ILJH\ZL VM OV^ THU`
words you sing and how they’re recorded.
>OH[HYL[OLM\UUPLZ[TPZPU[LYWYL[H[PVUZVM
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+V`V\MLLSSPRL`V\»YLNVPUN[VILHISL[V
YLHJOH^PKLYH\KPLUJL^P[O[OPZYLJVYK&
Well for instance…There’s a line where I say “and
L]LY`[OPUNMLLSZÄULILP[ZPSRVYZSPTL¹HUKP[^HZ
interpreted - I saw on a blog site - as “being
circus slime.” So just, like, totally random other
words! But I understand, they’re not straight
forward pop lyrics.
“
Oh I don’t know about that because in a way I
think this record is maybe less poppy than the
other ones - so maybe less accessible even - I
don’t know, I hope so!
:VTL WLVWSL TPNO[ RUV^ [OH[ H ]LYZPVU
VM [OL HSI\T ^HZ SLHRLK VU [OL PU[LYUL[
TVU[OZILMVYLP[ZYLSLHZLOV^KPK`V\MLLS
HIV\[[OH[&
0[»ZSPRL[OLYL»ZHI\UJOVMWLVWSL^HP[PUNBMVY[OPZHSI\TDHUK[OL`»YL
“
music
nights are for
NVPUN[VNP]L`V\[OLH[[LU[PVU[OH[HU`HY[PZ[^HU[ZZV0Q\Z[MLS[SPRL[OPZ^HZH
JOHUJLMVYTL[VKVZVTL[OPUNPTWVY[HU[
+V`V\JVUZJPV\ZS`\ZLOVVRZSPRL[OH[HZH
^H`[VTHRLZVUNZZV\UKTVYL\WSPM[PUN&
Well the hook that I put together there really was
to try and elevate the mood of the song. I felt
like it was pretty melancholy; there was some
sort of angst and melancholy and I guess I felt
like maybe that wasn’t enough. While watching
cable I ended up seeing a Beck video for
“Summer Girl” and I noticed that what he did
was a pretty blatant use of a real pop hook, sort
of a traditional method of really taking a song
that [up until] that point had really just been a
groove and then [bringing] in this real poppy
chorus. So, I got the idea to put something
together in the middle that would really elevate
and grab people’s attention.
Lyrically your songs are a little cryptic, how
KV[OL`JVTL[V`V\&
Usually what I do is I sit with the song - I’ve
^YP[[LU[OLT\ZPJHS^H`ZÄYZ[HUK0Q\Z[[Y`HUK
interpret whatever is being transferred to me from
42
0Z^YP[PUNMVY;OL:OPUZHJHZLVM`V\Q\Z[
going away and writing and then bringing
[OLV[OLYZPU[V[OLZ[\KPV&
Yeah it’s a bit like that, especially on this one.
I really sort of locked myself away for months
and began writing and recording at the same
time. I’ve got a computer set up at home with
pro-tools, like a little studio. So I just started
L_WLYPTLU[PUNHUK^VYRPUNSPRL[OH[:P_TVU[OZ
later I called the guys in to hear what I was
^VYRPUNVUHUKILNHUSL[[PUN4HY[`L_WLYPTLU[
with some of the keyboard tracks and stuff like
that and we ended up calling Joe Chicarelli [coproducer] in and we tied it all up in the end.
;OPZHSI\TOHZILLUWYL[[ÒPNOS`HU[PJPWH[LK
¶KPK`V\MLLSTVYLWYLZZ\YL^YP[PUNMVY[OPZ
VUL[OHU^YP[PUNMVY[OLSHZ[&
Well you know you could call it pressure but I
think I was trying to look at it as a privilege. It’s
like there’s a bunch of people waiting and they’re
going to give you the attention that any artist
wants, so I just felt like this was a chance for
me to do something important, at least for my
Well I know that Sub-Pop was really upset about
it… But I think I had worked so long and hard on
[OLYLJVYKB[OH[D0^HZHSP[[SLIP[HU_PV\Z[VNL[
ZVTLMLLKIHJRZV0^HZU»[L_HJ[S`\WZL[0^HZ
looking forward to being able to read some blog
YL]PL^Z ÄUHSS`¯ B[OLUD [OL ^LLR VY [^V HM[LY P[
was leaked I started reading some reviews and
quickly realised why I shouldn’t do that.
0M VUL VM `V\Y MH]V\YP[L IHUK»Z HSI\T ^HZ
SLHRLKLHYS`KV`V\[OPUR`V\»KNVSVVRV\[
MVYP[VY^V\SK`V\^HP[&
It’s hard to say. I do think that if I liked it a lot
I would buy it, and I would say if you don’t
like our record you don’t have to buy it - but if
you do I would certainly appreciate it. It is my
livelihood and so on but I feel pretty successful
as it is. I accomplished what I wanted to with
this record. I’m very proud of it. I feel and I
think a lot of people agree that it’s the best
thing we’ve ever done.
IUOQIIAN
by jeff hansen, clint jasper
and nisha richardson
music
of festivals
(JOPUNSLNZZ^VSSLUMLL[ISPZ[LYZKPY[\UKLY`V\YÄUNLYUHPSZZ^LH[ZVHRLKJSV[OLZHWV\UKPUN
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Murder and Injustice
in a Small Town
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island erupted into civil war. Embarrassingly, I
knew so little about this war that I had to ask
my parents to explain it to me. Even they were
vague on the details, which only proves one of
Jones’ points; the rest of the world, particularly
Australia, turned a blind eye to the violence.
I don’t mean to suggest that Mister Pip is a ‘war
novel’ per se. In Mister Pip, the war functions
only as the story’s backdrop, while the narrative
itself is surprisingly light and humorous. It’s really
about the village children’s relationship with
their school teacher, the only white person who
stays in the village when the violence begins.
His lessons consist of one thing: a chapter of
Dickens’ Great Expectations every day. The
children become entranced by the book, and
Matilda becomes particularly infatuated with the
character of Pip, which has entirely unexpected
consequences for the whole village.
This is a short, highly readable novel
characterised of sparse, subtle prose. The
twist at the end will leave you reeling. You
will read it in a day, but it will remain in your
thoughts for weeks afterwards.
Anna Johnson
Every Move You
Make
David Malouf
Surprisingly
intricate,
the
untethered stories of David
Malouf’s latest collection are
etched into their two hundred and forty four
pages with all the illustrious hallmarks of
this prized author’s talents. Tenderly, Malouf
creates characters that breathe and relate,
effortlessly littering them throughout the
unresolved reaches of our national fabric.
Malouf’s sometimes frail, brittle characters
mingle with the perfunctory, but just as some
suffer from a lack of meaning in their lives, so
do others thrive by their intrinsic resiliency,
their profoundness made all the richer by the
landscape Malouf gently places around them.
Set generally beyond the urban boundaries of a
bygone Australia, the characters in Every Move
You Make struggle with what time brings them
ULHYLY [V" H `V\UN THU ÄNO[Z [V SLH]L ZVTL
mark on his world before going to Vietnam, while
an aging Father heads south, deep into the big
smoke, to face the burial of his own daughter.
Malouf’s women are well represented too, with
an equal humanity spread the length of their
narratives – a product of Malouf’s gentle, almost
funereal, observations of the human condition.
As is the case with any sum of short stories, a
greater emphasis must lie in the ending, a fact
Malouf exploits to great effect; characters seem
swallowed by the numb silence that follows
each brief appearance.
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requires an attention to detail and a patience to
match. The punctuation can leave the reader
exhausted, the length of some sentences
rivalling the likes of Roth, though rarely do they
ÅPJRLYWHZ[HYLHKLY»ZL`L^P[O[OLZHTLRPUK
of pace. There are echoes throughout this
book too, shadows of Malouf’s prior writings
bubbling up through the script. An idyllic, rural
childhood is again a theme, just as a high-brow
Cantata (Malouf is the author of three opera
libretti) features in the concluding story. This
is not to say Malouf’s canvas is a tired one,
but only that a reader may feel that the author
- and they along with him – might have visited
this terrain before. However, far from rusted,
Malouf’s Every Move You Make is a thoughtful,
tender read, its imagery pulled straight out of
that big, Queensland sky.
Mike Blanchard
Knockabout Girl
Pip Newling
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and working in the remote outback towns
of Halls Creek and Mataranka. Through her
experiences and those of the many friends
and acquaintance she makes along the way,
Newling paints a vivid picture of a part of
Australia many people will never see.
Fresh out of university, Newling headed out
to Halls Creek in pursuit of employment,
little realising the intensity of what she was
about to face. Ranging from the hilarious
to the appalling, Newling’s experiences are
incredible, and always told with a warming
compassion. Her writing style is snappy, with
short sentences and often minimal use of
pronouns which, rather than being annoying
as you might expect, actually lend to a fast
paced story.
There is no narrative structure to speak of,
this being merely a series of events in vague
chronological order (in the author’s note,
Newling admits that the order of events may
have been tampered with slightly). This does not
detract from the book, though, instead adding
to the sense that this is merely a snapshot into
outback life; whilst so much more remains,
simmering just under the surface.
Unless you live under a rock,
you’ll be aware that Halls Creek
has recently received a lot of
media attention, and, as such,
Newling’s book serves as an
excellent opportunity to gain
insight into the controversial
town from someone who has
L_WLYPLUJLKP[ÄYZ[OHUK
CQEHPU
pleasure
Making Waves
David Hasselhoff
I don’t really understand the appeal of star
autobiographies. In many ways, they seem as
biased and contrived as the tabloid magazines
these people so abhor. Also, stars who write
autobiographies often have a thirst to prove
themselves, as if shouting, “Look, this is the real
me”, and, more often than not, this leaves the
reader feeling increasingly wary about the book’s
credibility.
However, in Making Waves, written with
Peter Thompson, David Hasselhoff
doesn’t pull many punches. He writes
candidly about his failed relationships
and long struggle with alcohol,
culminating with a stay at the Betty
Ford Centre where he set “the highest
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there”. He is good-humoured about
allegations that he claimed the Berlin
Wall fell because of him, explaining,
“I’ve been living it down ever since”. In the most
bizarre part of the book, he also discusses his
shyness around girls and issues relating to sex,
sometimes going into a bit more detail than the
world needs to know.
His honesty has the potential to set him up for
ridicule, yet he carries on anyway, which makes the
book so much more valid than a simple blow-byblow account of his life would have been. Making
Waves traces his entire life, including the highs and
lows from childhood to the present, but does so
in a much more interesting format. Sometimes the
writing seems a little stilted, and the many synopses
he gives of Nightrider and Baywatch episodes
become rather tiresome, but all in all, his book is an
interesting foray into the mind of the man who has
somehow (he himself seems bemused) become a
pop culture icon.
As an interesting footnote, the publishers recently
revealed that Making Waves is about to be released
with (wait for it) an extra chapter! This comes a
mere eight months after the original publication.
Obviously, nothing stands still in Hofftown.
Jennifer Tate
Jennifer Tate
45
growing up
growing up
HEPAN=HHU
an interview with
australian author,
pip newling.
by jennifer tate
After leaving university, NSW-born Pip Newling
spent time in Melbourne and Perth before making
the move to Halls Creek. Already an acclaimed
ÄST THRLY MVY OLY ZOVY[ ÄST The Reunion,
5L^SPUN OHZ UV^ YL[\YULK [V OLY ÄYZ[ WHZZPVU
^YP[PUN HUK OLY ÄYZ[ IVVR Knockabout Girl, is
published this month. Jennifer Tate caught up
with her to discuss coming of age in the Outback,
some of the issues faced in rural Australia and
support for the arts.
Hall’s Creek is an interesting choice of
destination after uni. Did your experiences
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Absolutely, I guess at the time in 1990, I was a year
out of university and I had been in Sydney doing
odd jobs working in bars. Most of my friends had
careers or were going overseas for big trips. I was
just bumming around, basically. I’d done an arts
degree and was always interested in writing but
that’s not necessarily a career path. I left Sydney
and spent some time in Melbourne and Perth
before taking the job in Halls Creek because I
needed work! I thought it might be fun for a while.
It certainly ended up adding to the experience of
growing up and also learning how to rely on yourself
and knowing what your limitations are.
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break” place!
It’s true. A lot of the time people were coming up
from Perth, sometimes 17 or 18 year olds fresh out
of school, and they were so young that they would
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they didn’t know how to handle the situations they
found themselves in. They’d come up and leave just
a few weeks later. The outback brings upon people
different responsibilities to the city, where you can
just distract yourself. In the city you can hide, but
PUWSHJLZSPRL/HSSZ*YLLR`V\HYLX\LZ[PVULKHUK
challenged and you need to be able to stand up for
yourself a bit.
46
Halls creek has been in the news a lot lately,
with calls for the sales of alcohol to be
further restricted. Do you think this would
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When I was there, it was a very different police
force, and it was at the time of the Aboriginal
deaths in police custody commission, so there was
a lot of examination of how people were served
alcohol, what kind of state that made for arrests,
what people being arrested for, what that lead to
in custody. There’ll always be somebody saying
‘yes’ and somebody saying ‘no’ about alcohol,
because in a way it’s about policing Aboriginal
behaviour, which isn’t necessarily useful. While
I was there, there were people, indigenous and
white, who were completely blind and they would
still be served because that was the done thing,
that’s what management expected. The policeman
I spoke to when I returned recently had a different
way of managing the town; he was about making
the town a town, and moving on the problem
alcoholics back to their communities which had
no alcohol. There are other problems as well, what
about employment and education? You can’t look
at one problem without considering the others.
;OLYLHYLZL]LYHSPUJPKLUJLZVMYHJPZTPU`V\Y
book. Did it shock you that there was such
YHJPZTZ[PSSYPMLPU(\Z[YHSPH&
Absolutely, and that it was to such an extent as
well. It’s still astonishing. It’s used as a mark of
power. Who knows whether, with some of these
stories, I was just being wound up, if they were
trying to ‘big’ themselves up, but so many things
happen out there that nobody even knows about
unless they happen to a tourist. People can go
missing and you may never really know what
happened to them.
You were awarded with a Varuna Award for
THU\ZJYPW[KL]LSVWTLU[>OH[PZ=HY\UHHUK
ÔH[KVLZP[TLHU[V`V\&
Varuna is a god send. It’s a national writer’s centre,
so people in WA have access to it as well. It’s a
house in the Blue Mountains. In 2003 I set myself
a deadline of writing these stories down and I
submitted the manuscript and it was short listed.
So, in 2004, I found myself spending ten days up at
the house with the other writers who were part of
that intake. Spending ten days in a place where you
are wined and dined and get to sit with your editor,
with no pressure on the outcome, was great. That
period of time was a complete turnaround for me,
because it made me realise that, yes, you may have
to have a full time job, but it is still possible to be a
writer. I’ve been awarded another fellowship for the
second book project; I get three weeks per year
for three years because there is recognition that
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excited. It’s a marvellous place and I recommend it
to anyone who is a writer.
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[OLHY[ZPU(\Z[YHSPH&
Yes and no. There’s never enough money and
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somewhere like Varuna is really rare. The fact
that you can go and there are no pressures, and
there’s an acceptance that it takes time to work
on something like this, is something I’ve never
come across, even at uni. I agree that the arts are
supported to a certain extent but just not talked
about enough.
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^YP[PUN[OHUTHRPUNTVYLÄSTZ&
>LSS0»KSV]L[VTHRLTVYLÄSTZPU[OLM\[\YL"0VUS`
stopped because I had to get a job. They’re very
expensive! Financially, writing is a far less demanding
way to get my stories out into the world.
NAREASO
what’s on
The Bakery, Northbridge,
first Thursday of every month
For those unaccustomed to the amateur or
indie music scene, The Bakery – thick in its
homage to those characteristically artsy bars
of Melbourne – can sometimes intimidate the
freshest of newcomers.
However, the casual scene of the Club
‘Enthusiastic Musicians Union’ (E.M.U)
provides a quality that, thankfully, is likely
to seduce one into staying. Having moved
recently to The Bakery after a minor hiatus
in 2006, Club E.M.U (Enthusiastic Musicians
Union) have returned and are ready to to
seduce, helped along by its Musicians-inChief Danny Susnjar (drums) and the Callum
G’Froerer Group, a dual guitar, drum, and
trumpet quartet. Their recent performances,
improvisations all the way through, seem
like echos from a time of heightened artistic
freedom and expression.
Watching people get into their music can be
an interesting and a rewarding experience,
as Club E.M.U. prove. One gets the sense
that this is ‘authentic’ music – the kind that
requires active listening, and allows for the
rich blend of music and thought. Simplicity,
coupled with obvious sharp musicianship
and skill and easily extended over good tenminute periods, gave time for thought (‘I need
[VÄUKT`N\P[HYHUKOH]LHQHTHNHPU»HUK
also time for appreciation of the alternative
music we so often miss on commercial radio
stations and charts.
The idea of free artistic expression is one
inherent to Club E.M.U. For an opening
night to encompass the funky elements of
jazz, the broody yet dulcet tones of the subcontinent and thoughtful and careful rhythms
that demand a listener be responsible for
what they hear, for me, are a promising and
exciting indication of the what Club E.M.U
hold in store for us in 2007.
For more information check out www.
myspace.com/clubemu
Rose Sitorus
Karron Bridges Walking with the Wongi
Fremantle Arts centre
Sat 20 Jan - Sun 4 March
FREE
I must admit that I was a little reluctant when
I peered through the doorway leading to
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I could see were three walls lined with photo
after photo, each the same size and shape, all
devoid of colour and all depicting Australian
outback scenes.
But when I entered the room and started sideZ[LWWPUNHSVUNVULZPKLT`ÄYZ[PTWYLZZPVUZ
quickly sunk away. It was like sitting on
a comfy couch with a friendly neighbour
you’ve never bothered to talk to much, and
discovering how interesting they are as you
sift through their family albums.
There were deliberate shots - where your
neighbour would have pointed out, “This is
Jim with the old Holden before it carked it,” or
“Here’s Aunty Marilyn at the lake”. These were
contrasted with more poignant shots, such
as a photo of grandchild sprawled across the
arms of grandma, seeking solace from the
heat on a mattress way past its use-by date.
And as I passed each image, I noticed the
emphasis on the struggle, and ultimately, the
exhaustion of the people featured.
The exhibition, embracing the ‘Human Family’
theme of PIAF 2007, documents the lifestyle
of a community living in Ninga Mia, northeast of Kalgoorlie-Boulder. It catalogues the
inhabitants’ reliance on solid family relations
and the sheer strength of character needed to
endure the destitution of life in the Australian
desert. The evocative ways in which Karron
Bridges places her subjects and captures
their moments says a lot about the emotional
space that these people occupy, and although
I can never understand exactly what goes on
in the Ninga Mia Village, the exhibition hints at
the futility – and impossibility – of sticking to
tradition in a developing world.
0ANBKNI=J?A
Augie March with WASO:
24 and 25 Feb in King’s Park
The ‘One Crowded
Hour’ lads + Beautiful
Symphonies + Starry
nights with a bottle of
wine = Unmissable.
The Mozart
Faction:
7 March
– 24 March at the
Blue Room Theatre
Perth playwright Kate Rice’s latest black comedy
ranges over life and art. The hook: A man with a gun
interrupts a suburban choir rehearsal. Enjoy.
6EOQ=H
‘Collector’ –
The Neistat Brothers:
8 Feb - 8 April at PICA
Famous for the video ‘iPod’s Dirty Little Secret’ (see:
YouTube), the Neistat brothers combine their digicam
talents and their own mischievous, investigative zeal to
produce a range of entertaining works.
Yr 12 Perspectives:
3 March – 29 April at the
Art Gallery of WA
‘Perspectives’ is renown as one of the most viewed
exhibitions in the Perth artistic calendar. Visit and you
may be surprised at how gifted these students really are.
Come prepared to witness contentment,
indifference, independence, love, resilience,
and pride.
This exhibit runs from 20 January to 4
March at the Fremantle Arts Centre and is
completely free.
Zoe Chua
47
arts
Club E.M.U –
PDEO
IKJPD
arts
+A=PEJC
the musical
by vidya rajan
Keating!, a hugely successful hit on the
east coast and winner of a number of
Melbourne Comedy Festival accolades,
arrives in Perth this month as part of the
International Arts Festival. Pelican chats
to the man behind the musical; writer and
musical director - Casey Bennetto.
“Witty, passionate…very rude, very funny …
magical theatre”. Everyone loves Keating!
Did you expect it would take off?
When we started doing [the musical], I wrote it
to be performed by a group of friends (our band
called the Drowsy Drivers) at the Melbourne
Comedy Festival in 2005. The economics of
that festival are such that,
there are 200 shows on.
And you know, you’re lucky
[John Howard’s] career just goes on and on.
if people even notice your
show. Those are the kind of
You can say ‘Uhh well that was kind of a tragedy for
concerns, going to opening
night thinking - will people
show up? And if they do
him,’ and ‘Well that was kind of hard for him.’
–will they think it’s any good?
You’ve been rehearsing it for
a few weeks and you have
But, with Keating, the lights were either all green
no idea, you think: will this bit
work? Will that bit work? All
that sort of stuff. That’s the
or all red… He’s about the highs and lows.
real concern.
“
“
I’ve heard you add on to
the show as you go along?
Yeah, the Belvoir version, which is the version
we’re bringing to Perth, is the newly expanded
version. The original version was one hour, and
we toured around with it. It was independently
produced, we went to Adelaide and Brisbane
and Darwin and stuff. But Neil Armstrong [the
director] said, ‘Would you like to bring it to the
Belvoir theatre to rework it?’ Which was a bit
of a generous offer, I mean it’s Neil, he has
an amazing reputation - and as it turns out a
[OVYV\NOS` Q\Z[PÄLK VUL 0[»Z Q\Z[ [VV NVVK HU
opportunity. So we reworked [it], and added a
few songs. Its been ‘go go go’ ever since!
So, this is probably the biggest thing
you’ve ever done?
Yeah! It’s really intimidating. For sure, coming into
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to the situation where the cast is most of the
show. You have a couple of people on the front
of the house - a lighting and sound operator and
a stage manager.
At the Belvoir – “here’s Jennifer Irwin” – the
costume director, and then here’s a couple of
other costume people. And “here’s Damien
Cooper – the lighting designer!”
To make it more intimidating, all these people
have considerable reputations in the theatrical
community. “Here’s Brian Thomson” - and
you think – ‘he’s the set designer for six
million plays!’
John O’Connell for instance, was doing the
choreography. “So what did you do last, John?”
“Oh well, I did Shall We Dance with Richard
Gere and before that, Baz Luhrmann’s Strictly
Ballroom.” And you say “Riiiight. Now you’ve
come to work with us? We each have three left
feet…oookay”
The question any writer gets asked – how
did you come up with the idea?
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happenstance really. I was looking for something
to put a musical theatre style of plot around.
What I’m really interested in and what the show
really is – is satirical musical theatre rather than
just plain old satire politics.
When there’s a political focus, it’s normally
more operatic.
That’s right. So it seemed the casualness a
musical could bring to it would be fun. Also,
Keating did have that whole ‘Placido Domingo’
thing going… All these Keating quotes, such
48
pelican’s
So why Keating?
0[»Z[OLHYJVMOPZJHYLLY>LSSÄYZ[VMHSSOL»ZHIV\[OPNOZHUKSV^Z<USPRL1VOU
/V^HYKÔLYL[OLJHYLLYQ\Z[NVLZVUHUKVUHUK`V\JHUZH`º\OO^LSS[OH[
was kind ofH[YHNLK`MVYOPT»HUKº^LSS[OH[^HZkind ofOHYKMVYOPT»)\[
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-YVTº=HTWPYLZVM:\UU`KHSL»[V(\Z[YHSPHUWVSP[PJZ¶P[»Z[OH[IPNHUKÅVYPK
L_WYLZZPVU[OH[`V\SVVRMVY
A few reviews have stated that this is a biased leftist production that
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6OHIZVS\[LS`;OVYV\NOS`[OVYV\NOS`NSVZZLZV]LYOPZMH\S[Z0[PZHderanged
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JVTL\WVU[OH[ZJVYL0RUV^HSV[VMWLVWSLNVPUHUK^HU[[VJOLLY2LH[PUN
HUK[OL(37¶HUK[OH[PZÄULI\[0[OPUR[OLTHPUZH[PYPJHSWVPU[PZ[OH[P[PZ
ZVIPHZLK[V^HYKZ2LH[PUN[OH[B[OLT\ZPJHSDOHZLUKLK\WPUHUPU[LYLZ[PUN
WSHJL0[OPURKLYHUNLKPZ[OLJVYYLJ[^VYK)\[MVSRZHYLMYLL[VQ\KNL¯
0KVU»[YLHSS`YLTLTILYHU`[OPUNHIV\[2LH[PUN0[OPUR0^HZHSSVMÄ]L
I was chatting to mum and she remembers it as a more vibrant time,
compared to today?
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\UHIHZOLKS`JLSLIYH[L[OLW\ZO[VHU(\Z[YHSPHUYLW\ISPJ[OLW\ZO[VIL[[LY
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]LY`Z[YVUNS`;OLPU[LYLZ[PUN[OPUNPUJVU[L_[VM[VKH`»ZWVSP[PJZPZ[OH[[OLZL
[OPUNZHYLUV[]V[L^PUULYZ*SVZLYYLSH[PVUZ^P[O(ZPH[YHKP[PVUHSS`PZUV[H
]V[L^PUULY)\[[OLZLHYL[OPUNZ2LH[PUNZ[\TWLKMVYILJH\ZLOLILSPL]LK
PU[OLT0HKTPYL[OH[ÔVSLOLHY[LKS`5VVULWVSSLK[OPUNZVYPM[OL`WVSSLK
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ILLUKPZHWWVPU[LKPUWVSP[PJZIV[OZPKLZHJ[\HSS`ZPUJL[OLLSLJ[PVU
Do you think people go away from the show with a bit of a political
message?
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NVH^H`KYLHT`L`LK)\[0»]L[YPLKUV[[VILZH[PZÄLKI`HU`PU[LYWYL[H[PVU
;OLYLPZUVYPNO[HUK^YVUN@V\JV\SKSPRLArmageddonPM`V\HWWYVHJOP[PU
[OLYPNO[^H`(UKCitizen KaneJV\SKIL[OL^VYZ[ÄSTPU[OL^VYSKPM`V\»YL
UV[PU[OLYPNO[TVVK
PKLBERA
70(-WPJRZ
Looking over the brochures for the biggest Arts event that Perth will
enjoy all year (the Perth International Arts Festival) is enough to leave
`V\ LP[OLY L_JP[LKS` JVUM\ZLK VY KLZWLYH[LS` JVUÅPJ[LK ;V THRL
things easier, PelicanWYLZLU[Z[OLZL;VWUV[`L[ZVSKV\[I\[`V\
IL[[LYO\YY`70(-WPJRZ!
1. Small Metal Objects:
;OPZH^HYK^PUUPUNZOV^\ZLZ-VYYLZ[*OHZLHZP[Z]LY`VÛWLYMVYTHUJL
ZWHJLYVWPUN\UZ\ZWLJ[PUNZOVWWLYZPU[V[OLHJ[PVU7YVTPZLZ[VIL
IV[OOPSHYPV\ZHUKWYV]VJH[P]L
2. Beck’s Verandah:
(S^H`ZHTHaPUN;OPZ`LHYZLLZHJ[ZSPRL1LUU`>PSZVU*HTLYH6IZJ\YH
HUK;OL;PNLY3PSPLZ
3. Circus Oz
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YL]PL^ZMYVTP[ZZLSSV\[5L^@VYRZLHZVU:H[PYPJHSLULYNL[PJZ\YWYPZPUN
HUKWLYMLJ[MVYHUPTHSSV]LYZP[»ZHZ\YLÄYLOP[
4. Raised by Wolves: PICA
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L_PZ[LU[PHS-VJ\ZZLK\WVUJOHSSLUNPUNMHTPS`Z[Y\J[\YLZ[OPZPZVULMYLL
PU[LYHJ[P]LL_OPIP[PVU[OH[`V\JHU»[HMMVYK[VTPZZ
5. Travelling Curtain: Bambuco
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;LYYHJL
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OH]LM\U^P[O[OH[
What are your plans for Keating after the festival?
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WSH`PUN[OLYVSLVM/L^ZVUHUK+VÛLY>OPJOZOV\SKTHRLP[HSV[VMM\U
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Estate ¶ÔPJO0YLHSS`T\Z[Z[HY[^YP[PUN;OLJSVJRPZ[OVYV\NOS`[PJRPUNUV^
Keating! Is on at the Octagon from 27 Feb – 4 March. At the time of printing,
all shows had already sold out.
49
arts
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ZVUNHUKKHUJLTHUPMYLX\PYLK¹¶HSS[OLZLX\V[LZZLLTLK[VPUKPJH[L[OH[
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Recollections of a Bleeding Heart IPVNYHWO`
regular stuff
IETA@>=C
with caroline dale
For the past couple of weeks I have been listening to
this one album pretty much continuously. I know that
it is a bad idea to keep listening to it, that I will grow
PTT\UL[VP[ZTHNPJHUKP[^PSSUVSVUNLYÄSSTL^P[O
a pleasant sort of wistfulness, but my power to stop
is minimal. The album is Essence by Lucinda Williams
and it really is very good. What I do is, I listen to it
through once. Then I go back and listen to tracks
4-7, my personal favourites, once more. Track 7,
though, is the hands down winner, the one I am really
obsessed with, and so at this point I will listen to it
for a third (and sometimes fourth) time, often whilst
sagging melodramatically on my couch. This is the
WVPU[H[ÔPJOT`TPUKÄUHSS`Y\ZOLZPUHUK[LSSZT`
trecherous heart to stop listening to that goddamn
song because I am surely only ruining it for myself.
I have pondered long and hard as to why this relatively
innocuous little country-rock number should exert
such emotive power over me. The conclusion I have
arrived at is this: it makes me feel grown up. It is
quite a phenomenal thing to listen to a song all about
loneliness and lust and unrequited adult-type emotions
and to realise, yeah I relate to that. It’s like one minute
you’re watching Home and Away and the next your
life actually is an episode of Home and Away. (In all
honesty I would prefer to watch Neighbours any day,
I\[ 0 KVU»[ YLHSS` ^HU[ [V ÄUK T`ZLSM PU HU LWPZVKL VM
that. So many sagging jowls and bizarre subplots, and
0^V\SK\UKV\I[LKS`ÄUKT`ZLSMPUHZVYKPKYLSH[PVUZOPW
with horrible Paul Robinson. Or Dylan Timmins. Actually
Dylan might be okay.)
0[»Z IPaHYYL [OL ^H` ^L ZWLUK V\Y ÄYZ[ JV\WSL VM
decades waiting for the life part of life to begin. Some
people never really realise that it already has. A crude
example, if I may: I can distinctly remember an archnemesis of mine from primary school maliciously
PUMVYTPUNTL[OH[T`JOLZ[^HZO\TPSPH[PUNS`ÅH[0^HZ
ten! Jesus! What was I meant to have on my chest?!)
And for many, many years thereafter I was convinced
that I was absolutely devoid of womanly features and
would never win myself a bad boy with a heart of gold
like I so desired. It was only on the day that I brought
OVTLT`ÄYZ[+J\W[OH[0ÄUHSS`YLHSPZLK ohh my god;
0[OPUR0OH]LÄUHSS`NYVÛIYLHZ[Z
This is why I love growing up. I always wanted to grow
up, because growing up meant cleavage and boyfriends
from the wrong side of the tracks and writing self-
50
conscious columns in student press, and now that my
wishes have been granted, who would I be to complain?
Some days I think I am a bit of a loser. I’m too scatty
to keep a job, even as a coffee bitch. Consequently, I
am permanently broke. My apartment’s a mess. I can’t
hand in assignments on time. Bureaucracy makes me
shaky and watery-eyed and I really hate making phone
calls to people I don’t know. I am not yet an international
megastar. All of which does not scream “success”. But
when those times come around I simply imagine, what
would the ten-year-old Caro think of me now?
Let’s be honest here, the ten-year-old me would think
this: YOU ARE AWESOME. Mini Me wouldn’t care that
T` SP]PUN ZWHJL PZ H OV[ILK VM ÄS[O" [OL MHJ[ [OH[ 0 SP]L
alone would be enough to blow her easily-impressed
mind. Mini Me wouldn’t mind my fear of bureaucracy
and authority, because Mini Me was so shy she could
barely talk to her relatives let alone scary administrative
staff. And get ready for this, Mini Me: I have friends
of various genders, sexualities, nationalities, races
and socio-economic classes. I have been involved
in interesting relationships of varying lengths and
intensities. I ditched a stultifying music degree to spend
my days writing songs on an instrument I can hardly
play. I have a boyfriend who is in not one but a couple of
bands, one of which has even played on a stage before.
A dude I had a crush on once gave me a CD with a song
he’d written for me on it. (Recently I found out he was
dating someone from Australian Idol, which somehow
made the situation that much more awesome.) These
situations, though mundane when they are actually
happening, are incredibly poetic in the eyes of a tenyear-old.
The point I’m trying to make is that we live out amazing
and hysterical and scary soap operas every single day
that we exist. You can be blasé and self-deprecating
about it if you want. Or else you can choose to realise
that these thrillingly adult things are happening to you
on a daily basis, that you are living the dream, and is
that not incredibly awesome? You got what you were
^HP[PUNMVY.L[\ZLK[VP[M\JRLYZ"[OLZLHYL[OLKH`Z
of our lives.

Pelican - The University of Western Australia

Transcription

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