WORDS on Sex, Love, and - The National Campaign | To Prevent
Transcription
WORDS on Sex, Love, and - The National Campaign | To Prevent
Washington, DC 20036 202-478-8500 · 202-478-8588 Fax the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy www.teenpregnancy.org STORY WORDS Our 1776 Massachusetts Avenue, NW · Suite 200 O eak ut Sp h t You e , a nd v o L , x e on S Teen Pregnancy ady ave alre ls h u o y “If goa lans or made p you want to t for wha our life, y h t i y is do w g a bab n i v a h then g to ely goin definit t.” ha delay t 12 Tips, p4 » Real Stories, p8 » Resources, p11 tead lf, ins appy. e s r u lf. lse h ut yo k abo mebody e of yourse n i Th “ so re king ng ca hen of ma bout taki ready, w e a r k Thin hen you a le.” w tab Do it mfor o c e r you a » Features “When I was first in foster care, I wanted to have a baby, but I didn’t. I was flipping through TV channels and I saw all these children living in poverty and decided that I really did not want a child. I wanted to wait until I could take care of my child and give it everything that it needed. The reason that I wanted a child was so I could have someone to love and would be loved back. So what did I do? I got a cat instead!” Youth Speak Out on Sex, Love, and Teen Pregnancy My Voice: Young Adults Tell All Alicia, 23.......................................... 8 Mike, 21........................................... 9 Maria, 18....................................... 10 Resources............................... 11 Contents 4 8 Our Story, Our Words: Our STORY WORDS th You Sp O eak ut , a nd ex, Love on S Teen Pregnancy Some Things to Think About… The following advice is from youth around the country on how to avoid becoming pregnant as a teen. We hope you find these ideas useful and perhaps see your own views and opinions reflected in them. “My word of advice would be to wait.” 1 2 Thinking “it won’t happen to me” is stupid—if you’re not careful, it probably will. Sex is serious. Make a plan. Either don’t have sex at all or use contraception every single time. ally ay to re not w y l n o “The cy is to regnan ise, you p d i o v a rw x; othe t.” have se t get pregnan h g i just m » Just because you think everybody is doing it, doesn’t mean they are. Some are, some aren’t—and some are lying. Seven in ten high school students think their peers are having sex, but less than half really are. Teens get lots of advice from adults, but they usually aren’t asked to offer their own. That’s why we asked teens growing up in foster care what they wanted to know about teen pregnancy prevention and what advice they would give to their peers. Here, in their own words, is what they had to say, as well as some things that just may surprise you. 3 Many teens in foster care say they feel lonely or unloved and that having sex or having a baby at an early age is the answer. A baby is a lifelong responsibility. Think about what you would want from your parents. Then ask yourself—are you ready to provide that for a child right now? Seriously think about waiting to have a baby at least until after you finish high school and hopefully college; have a good job; are in a healthy, long-term relationship; and can support your family. 4 5 Here are three good reasons to say “no, not yet.” Protect your feelings, protect your health, and protect your future. Just because someone is older, doesn’t mean they get to call the shots. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you or pressure you into having sex. 6 7 You can always say “no”—even if you’ve said “yes” before. You get to decide every single time whether to have sex or not. Remember: you’re in control! You’re not alone. If you have questions about sex, don’t be shy about talking with a doctor or nurse, foster parent, caseworker, or another trusted adult. The only way to really avoid pregnancy is to not have sex; otherwise, you just might get pregnant. 8 If you think birth control “ruins the mood,” consider what a pregnancy test will do to it. Both guys and girls are responsible for using protection. If you’re having sex, remember: carrying a condom is just being smart— it doesn’t mean you’re pushy or easy. It also doesn’t mean you’re expected to have sex. MY Voice Alicia n You g l A du ts Tell All , 23 When I sent t was seven , my y o oung drug live with a er sis addic f riend ter t and On th she co of the fam Kayla and e out u I were side, K ily. Ou ldn’t But b rm ayl tak eh physi ind closed a and I loo e care of u other was cally, ked s an doo a Becau mentally, rs, my fost healthy an ymore. e a d s r n e h m d I a f extre o verba p elt lik m lly ab ther, Mary py. e u , wou atten ely attache no one lov ld ed me se us. tion. I d to t h w o is wh y I los ould have e first boy r wanted m who s tm done e, I be want ho a c to hav y virginit y to h nything to wed me a ame e sex he ex im wh ny keep (actu pecte h ally I d me birth foun en I was on im, which to, s co ly 14 . didn’t ntrol pill, b o I just did d it disgu I didn sti u g i schoo et pregna t I hardly e t. I had a p ng) but I fi ’t nt re gu l. ve that I Having a b . I was one r took the scription f red or the m. Gi aby w was p of the r a r l s like top st egnan sn’t in I was m u t thoug in denial . I was only my plan, u dents in m e throu n y high h I we 1 til I fo 5 . g nt to to ack hout und o th m n ut way t owledge th e doctor fo ost of my p o a ha r regna at I w r e g u ir app lar ch as go ncy. E more ing eck oin ve co going ncerned w tment wh to have a -ups, I refu n child. en I w ith m to the sed I was is e my ar h on m ms fo ospital. It sing my ap nt into lab y o r w p r the fi , and ointm asn’t I did rs I u lege c manage to t time, tha ntil I held ent than w was t I rea my so la ith fi liz n hard. sses, work nish high Kevin schoo ed that I w , Kevin, in full-ti me, a l is sev toget nd ta , but tryin as a mom. en no her a g k I wou nymore, h w, and tho e care of a to take co ugh h lchild you h ld tell ever e does ha is fath is rea ve av y lly er an for yo e your life foster kid t a relation d I aren’t to ship w u. Don o ’t do w gether and wait to ha ve sex ith him. hat I d you h . Wait ave ev id. u eryth ing go ntil ing These are the stories of teens who grew up in the foster care system, in their own words. Only the names have been changed. subhad a ter m o sis ym s. ld. M s, and ears o o brother g for drug y e v fi n i w s t k a o lo Iw my , 21 ster kid whehne’d leave mees, he went ohuetr for 7 yeadrss. tructure e k i o l S M ame a f oblem. i n h e, wh d wit rder a ttes, I bec abuse pr ys at a tim nd I staye ll of the o ng cigare i a a a e k , stanc lone for d ook me in om again rted smo age 14 . To . a ta at m rt gs home ndmothe with my ne. I s away elling dru ad as go ets. I ran s in ra w eh g n g h ’s a y n S r i M d mov ndmothe g the stre l and beg I wasn’t. r e in an t f A gra nnin t of schoo erything n took me y u r m t d v a e an ou I had was e family ev . hool, dropped r nant a. She ng sc cutti t myself, I met Tany school. He t preg ool o g e ,I or n sh as c supp n I was 15 did well i when . t it w years d I though pregnant and ay. o Whe y w l t i s r n a m y o a t l f a , l w s f l d ea al to ng he a goo e a place been dati control at und out s us, and I r week o d rt m h f :a t a o e d r e h p i v e I b w p a n g and bout set when rugs to su le happe a a y s and n d g a e T ucat eren’t up selling d inkab e with dru d h e t n ’t n u I was sex. We w gh money Then the caught m r in jail. u s a t. .I ve to ha aking eno ll work ou n, the cop ced to a ye e at stake hild o r a s n m o tc e r d s n l t m u a e n u t c o Iw as se I had a lo ittle inno ew h to it wo t t w r i I h , b g t i , l kn ew thou nya gave cture d, with a hen I t, I re I kn Ta e he pi at’s w s I got ou at h after d me. Befo n was in t ncarcerat T . m a i th n h i e o , o r m t s s o s I wa e there fo ugs. As s arre rogra an t my e p a r h e a t , h r go nb me gd Now ing that Chica ’t eve l ealin ound think d I couldn as done d rogram in ck. They f s a clinica kept a a P n r w a t g I d m . e n n n e i r e g iv th ea ko he out t ould chan pendent L r lives bac I work for colleg i e w go to e I d w h o t n o t I t a N t n h g . t a n ge lls er lanni outh led in me. fe ski enrol ner city y ght me li ntor. I’m p live with a fath n u e i n Being to be a o s t . m s r p l d d e y e v n n e h m a ta have thing ment a and e in a cialis apart ntion spe rker. Tany e hardest shoes. You gh. You’r have u o e s h u v ro id cial w ent was t inter ut yo our k are is e a so ar ing y n foster c your life. B ou if you i becom g a teen p just buy y f up to elp than wing Bein r mos em h more them. Gro for you fo and let th t u o is ab sible for hots ople the s st pe n respo that calls ave to tru h m syste evere. You s r . e t i p ke to to ma want Here are some numbers to call and websites to visit for more information: I’ve been in and o ut of fos my pare ter care nts were since I w addicted clean fo as in thir to alcoh r a little d grade. ol and d while an ended u Both of rugs. My d I’d mo p using m v e om wou a b g a ain. At th ck in wit havior. I ld get h her, bu didn’t re e time I didn’t th aliz t to jail w ink anyth she always as abnorm e that having p ing o aren al. It was My dad all I knew ts who used dru f her bedied in a gs and w . every ye horrible ent ar after accident that, I liv w or friend h e n I was in ed with . Surpris fi a ft d h if in fe grade. A gly, it wa making nd friends. sn’t that rent distant fam By the ti ily mem bad. I be Virginia me I was ber came re to live w in a ll ith my m y good a high sch Things w ool, I had t om, her ere good new hus moved b for a cou acting s b ack to a n trange a ple of ye d, and m gain. We ars and y half bro morning then my had a hu ther. , I walke mom be ge fight d into he with a c gan o n r room to e night, rack pip and the e ne apologiz to eman next e. I cipate m xt to her. That’s when I d found her passe yself. For best frie d ecided th the rest nd’s fam of high s at I need out ily. Today recently chool, I s ed , my mo that she ta th yed with er and I gav baby are my don’t sp HIV posit e birth to anoth eak. I fou er baby, ive. I we in prote nd out and both nt to see ctive serv she and the b ices I want to the punch m , because my mo aby over Thank sgiving. y mothe m aband Despite Sh r in the fa oned he my very r. Someti e’s ce. go to co abnorm mes llege in a l u p b ri Pittsburg n system u h and I p ging , I’m doing ntil I’m really w lan on s 21. I’ve a ye a r a n d ell taying in ls o been d we’re re the foste . I ating th ally hap have a lo r care e same g py. I’m v t more fr uy for ov ery care eedom th they eith ful thou an most er gh. Foste er a kids and think a lo go crazy or beco r kids wh m t of time s kids are e super respons en that happen actions. s, ib T h ey k n u le n . aware o o w ab o u think ab f the con I’m responsible t STDs a out the .I s e q u nd preg ences of co n people’s nancy, b their example sequences. But u t th e I do. I’ve y don’t re s. learned ally from oth er e you’re locked “If you feel lik a once you have down already, e b ally going to child you’re re ing You’re not go locked down. anywhere.” to be able to go 10 » NANCY BRATTON DESIGN · WWW.NANCYBRATTONDESIGN.COM Maria, 1 8 Questions about sex, protection, contraception (including emergency contraception) and STDs? · National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy: www.teenpregnancy.org www.myspace.com/ national campaign · Planned Parenthood: 1-800-230-PLAN or www.teenwire.com · American Social Health Association: 1-800-227-8922 or www.iwannaknow.org · MTV/It’s Your Sex Life 1-888-BE-SAFE-1 (237-2331) or www.mtv.com · Teen Health: http:// teenhealth.org/teen/ Questions about where to get tested for HIV? · National HIV Testing Resources: http:// www.hivtest.org Questions about relationships? · Teen Health: http:// teenhealth.org/teen/ · Pause: www.fox.com/pause Questions about foster care, relationships, and more? · FosterClub: www.fosterclub. com and www.fyi3.com If you’ve been abused... · National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453 · loveisrespect, Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474 1-866-331-8453 (TTY) www.loveisrespect.org If you’ve run away and need shelter... · Covenant House: 1-800-999-9999 or http:// www.covenanthouse.org Resources Interested in learning more? “Being a teen parent wasn’t easy for me. It’s not fun and games…I have this baby that cries for 6 hours a day and I just came home from work and now I gotta take care of my kid.” This magazine was developed, written, and published by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. The National Campaign would like to thank the Fairfax County Department of Family Services, Sasha Bruce Youthwork, and UCAN (Uhlich Children’s Advantage Network of Chicago) for organizing focus groups with foster care youth. We also extend warm appreciation to the teens who participated in the focus groups and who shared their personal stories—their helpful comments and words are reflected throughout this publication. We also thank the many reviewers whose suggestions have improved this document. Finally, special thanks to UCAN, who has been a main partner throughout this initiative and to our consultant, Michelle Hainer. 11