wapsi square – the character list - Yellow Cab of Amarillo / 371-TAXI

wapsi square
THE COMPLETE GUIDE
TO THE WEBCOMIC
CREATED BY PAUL TAYLOR
Edited by Joseph Houk
Updated 19 April 2015
Wapsi Square, drawings and dialogue © 2015 by Paul Taylor.
Character list content, Location list and Story Arc descriptions by Joseph
Houk.
NOTE: The included content of this document features information about past
strips and storylines. New readers should be warned that the Character and
Storyline Arc lists feature plot developments, and therefore contain possible
spoilers.
wapsi square
LIST OF CHARACTERS
Shelly Wahnee and Monica Villarreal
NOTE: Because this cast list is somewhat comprehensive, there may be some plot
points revealed in each character's listing. Beware of spoilers!
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Άτσαλη – see Gilchrist, Atsali Sirena.
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Abuela – Spanish word for "grandmother", used by Monica to refer to both
her unnamed grandmother (who lives in Monterrey, Mexico with the rest
of Monica's family – and makes a great molè) and her also-unnamed great
grandmother. Her great-grandmother supposedly lived in their guest house,
and taught Monica glyph reading. After asking her parents why no one
went to visit her in the guest house, she found out she'd been dead for over
a dozen years. Monica later found out that it was actually Jin's mother,
Mayahuel, who taught her glyph language in disguise.
Acacia – see Budur, Acacia.
Adeobie, Jin (aka Tochtli) – The Timekeeper's Daughter. Previously a part
of the Chimera; her actions may have been the reason why the creators lost
control of the being – and nearly destroyed the world in the process. Jin is
the snake creature in the chimera, and has snake-like eyes that flash at
times. As Tochtli, she is represented as a black rabbit. She says that her job
as Tochtli is to "keep things running smoothly." It was in this role that she
apparently was part of a vision quest that Shelly undertook when she was
13 – about the same time Monica ran in front of a bus to avoid her own SelfDoubt. Jin/Tochtli apparently saved Monica from being hit by the bus;
however, the driver of the car behind the bus died in the crash. That person
was Tina. Jin's "mother" was the one who taught Monica glyph language.
She stated in a flashback to the accident that her mother "trusted" Monica
with her words, as a way of keeping her mother "alive". Phix revealed to
Monica that Jin is older than the Mayan calendar, having wandered into
the original Sun Stone "room" at 18 and never aging. Apparently is also the
writer of the book, "Machine Before the Sun Stone". She also apparently had
a romantic liaison with Monica's grandpa, Aaron Sullivan. She also was the
one who "appropriated" the tapestry from Bud's storage area – and put the
design on it onto her one-time friend Shelly. Went a little batty when
Monica finally solved a problem that Jin had never been able to overcome in
previous cycles of the calendar machine; was "talked down" by Bud and
Alan, but ended up taking out a wall in the ladies' bathroom of the
Cerberus Club. Suffers from a temporal-like schizophrenia that causes her
to "see dead people." The gang thought that destroying the calendar
machine would "fix" her, but apparently it made things worse. She has since
become "human", thanks to Bud, Shelly, her mom – and an overgrown squid
named "Stinky". Her friendship with Monica has grown since her
"mortality" came into play. A primary cast member.
Adeobie, Mayahuel – Also known as Jin's mom and "The Timekeeper". The
unseen person behind all the machinations of the Calendar Machine, and
the person who developed the process to make golems. A glyph reader, she
created Tepoztecal as a mini-golem, apparently from a weasel – which
explains a lot. Finally made her first "appearance" in mid-January of 2010,
but was disappointed to discover the mental state of her daughter. She slid
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to the background since her daughter was finally freed from her
schizophrenia.
Adler, Mrs. – Swim teacher at the paranormal high school in Minneapolis.
Teaches older paranormals to keep their human forms while in the water.
Doesn't take kindly to teasing and taunting between her charges.
Alan – Kevin's friend. Helped Kevin break the ice with Monica one day in
the park, though he got chased by Dietzel for his troubles. Comes off as a
bit of a philosopher when it comes to life and love, though he came off as a
bit of a lothario early on. Has pretty much cemented his relationship with
Jin as of late, convincing her that she's "stuck with him." Helped Jin get
through her "suicide attempt", but couldn't stop her from blasting a hole in
the wall of the Cerberus Club. Jin has apparently clued him in on her
situation, and he doesn't seem to mind. Oh, and he also loves snowmobiles.
Albrecht, Ellen – Owen's sister. Never seen, only mentioned in Owen's
biography.
Albrecht, Owen – Short guy, and Shelly's musician friend. Once, Shelly's
main and completely unknowing love interest. Now together with
Lakshimi Prasad. Lives over a bar in the Twin Cities. Guitarist for the band
Fermented Banana; name for the band came from a discomfiture that Monica
experienced one morning. Instead of brushing her teeth with toothpaste,
she did so with a fermented banana. He and Lakshimi haven't been seen in
the strip for quite some time – turns out they moved in together and
eventually eloped (much to Shelly's chagrin). Was once considered a
primary cast member.
Amanda – see Ehrlich, Amanda.
Anger – One of Monica's personal demons. Made a single appearance in the
strip when the Golems had a "silly string" party (the "Personal Demons"
storyline); has a shattered face and appeared to carry a razor blade. Has not
appeared since. Not to be confused with Georgette's Anger, which is a
disembodied, foul-mouthed version of Georgette's self.
Atsali – see Gilchrist, Atsali Sirena.
Baxter and Boo – Pet Cerberi (plural of Cerberus) of Tsillah, the daughter
of Charon. Gave Shelly and Justin a little trouble while they were trying to
reach the library annex.
Becky – The first server at Mucho Mocha, who brushed off Monica's simple
request for a cup of coffee. Went unnamed for years until her name was
revealed by Pablo. She is the baker of all the "yummy goods" that Tina
serves in her shop, as the head baker at Feuillet's. She also has a really bad
case of OCD that she controls with medication.
Ben – One of the named bikers down at Sally's in the warehouse district.
They were amazed to find out that Monica's grandfather was "THE" Aaron
Sullivan. The group gave her a ride home after her car conked out leaving a
contributor's party at the museum. Ben is a plastic surgeon who likes to
hang out at Sally's.
Berdine – One of the ursamorph (half-bear, half-human) twins that Atsali
met at the paranormal shopping mall. In her "normal" form, she has thicker,
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curlier hair than her sister, Nadette; her human form has straighter hair.
They both recently moved to the Twin Cities from "out west" – and also
have Cherokee blood in them. She is the more talkative of the two – and
very protective of her friends.
Bia – A second-generation Titan, daughter of Pallas and Styx, Shelly's mom
– and great-grandmother (it's complicated). Was apparently a museum
curator in her "life" on earth. Supposedly died of a heart attack when Shelly
was ten; help wasn't able to arrive because a drunk had crashed their car
into a phone pole earlier, severing the phone lines near Shelly's house. Gave
her the figurines that look like the Golem Girls; may have been involved in
the whole mystery behind the Sun Stone and the glyph language. Had long
flowing hair, which was a reason why Shelly cut her hair off when she died.
Shelly didn't find out her real nature until a recent visit with her grandma
and a few friends at the library. Tina recently found out how she's related
to her, as well – Titans did tend to "get around" in the ancient mythos, of
course. Not too many people in the current cast like her very much – not
even her daughter.
Bibliothiki – Greek name for The Library. It is a "universal" library run by
Phix (and Nudge) that contains the entire knowledge of humankind.
Brandi introduced Monica to the library – and Phix. At first, it appeared
that the Library was simply a place – until it replied to a question put forth
by Phix about Nudge's return. Not only is it sentient, it is also "self-healing"
– both of its books and of its physical plant. The building is part of an
elaborate complex in an unknown plane of existence, where time does not
mean anything. An "annex" now exists in Minneapolis, but only for persons
who are invited to enter – and only from the Stevens Avenue South side
(not the East 18th Street door). The annex is on the (actual) site of an old,
abandoned hospital and nursing home in Minneapolis. A little more than a
dozen or so cast members have actually been in the Library since it was
introduced. It is apparently the "home base" of the MIB.
Bjarni – An old Viking who can't remember how to walk on ice. Is derided
for this fact by a female Viking observer who goes unnamed in a flashback
comic. Has absolutely NOTHING to do with anything in this strip. Move
along, now.
Bontemps, Jacquline "Jacqui" – Shelly's musician friend and freckled yoga
studio owner. Lead singer and founder of the band Fermented Banana. Her
studio, named Punk Yoga, was started with the money she got from her
parents' trust fund. Has been put in a precarious position between her
secretary and her good friend Shelly, as Shelly has become a personal
trainer at her studio.
Brandi (Brandilyn) – see Oduya, Brandilyn.
Bud – see Budur, Acacia.
Budur, Acacia "Bud" – A young and innocent girl, until she was made part of
the Chimera. One of the three Golem Girls; now an individual again – but
still incredibly powerful. Remains young and innocent as long as she is able
to keep the horrible memories away. Now employed as a dance instructor
at a dance studio (Joanne's Elite) in Minneapolis – when she's not the
"tactical director" for the MIB. She transforms into a huge goat-like creature
as part of the Chimera, and has a "storage door" in her torso. She has hinted
that she is from the Mediterranean area (and apparently has an accent from
that area). Has a habit of being caught half-naked in front of people – and
has a halitosis problem that can't be solved without help from a halon-gas
fire extinguisher. She and Brandi live in a duplex somewhere in the Twin
Cities – likely in the part of Minneapolis south of downtown. Was given a
magical time-travel tapestry for safekeeping in her "storage door" by Tepoz
(unbeknownst to her); he made her believe that it was Monica who gave
her the blanket. Brandi has commented that it's no longer there – mostly
because it was taken by Jin and moved to a "different location." That
location turned out to be a market that was raided by an arms dealer. Bud
wasn't too happy with that. She was involved in the scheme that helped get
Brandi "fixed". Likes to break hearts – literally and figuratively. Bud was the
fourth sculpture for sale at the Patch Together website – a website that
allows artists to create 3-D images of their characters "on demand". A
primary cast member.
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Calista – see Foxglove, Princess Calista.
Castela – see Gilchrist, Castela.
Cazuela – see Tèran, "Yummy Tea".
Charon – Ferryman to the underworld. Didn't care much for the Lanthians
and their technology. Sent his daughter, Tsillah, as a "liaison" to Monica.
Knows Bia very well (since he deals with her mom frequently).
Chimera – Also known as the Golem Girls; a creation of a long-dead
civilization (scientists and priests of Lanthis), which was inadvertently
wiped out as a result of its loss of control. Made up of two young girls
(Acacia and Brandi) and a demi-goddess (Jin/Tochtli); the "recipe" for its
creation was originated by Jin's mother (aka Mayahuel). Represented as a
combination of a lioness, a goat and a snake; is only seen in one strip as
something appearing to be a bat-like creature. A later civilization
(speculated as either the Mayans or the Etheitians) managed to separate
the three parts of the creature, and made Tepoz their "keeper". They were
used as "guardians" by the Maya of the pyramids at Teotihuacan.
Claire – One of the named members of the female firefighting/model team.
Amanda was taking a photo shoot of them at the same time Monica was in
Mexico and Fermented Banana was playing in Des Moines.
Companion – Shelly's demon conglomerate (also referred to as "the spooky
little girl" and "Connie"). Somehow, in becoming a "doorway" for the demon
world, Shelly's demons all coalesced into one single demon, which looks
surprisingly like Shelly did when she was a little girl. First came up when
Shelly was "dating" Heather, but was never pegged as a demon until prior
to the calendar machine's destruction. She apparently scares the pants off
of Apotropaic Sphinxes, as she is unlike anything they've ever seen. Still not
exactly sure of how she came to be, despite spending a LONG time with
Shelly. Bud likes the little elemental. Bia, however, is another story. She
nearly became the most recent figurine in the Patch Together catalog – but
was not ultimately made because of the complexity of the figurine.
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Connie – see Companion.
Conscience – see Companion.
Cricket – see Foxglove, Princess Calista.
Crimson Mantis – A fake "alter ego" of Monica's that she uses at times just
to be silly. Started one day when she was trying to poit her bra off, and it
ended up falling on her face – where it made her look like a red-eyed
praying mantis. Dietzel doesn't enjoy being her sidekick (The Bumbling
Bumblebee).
Curly – Guitar shop guy. Goes to Shelly's shop for his car repairs. Never
actually seen, though Shelly is talking to him in the strip where she meets
Heather.
Custard, Doctor – Monica's favorite brand of custard, which she joking
refers to as the arch-enemy of her alter ego, the Crimson Mantis.
Dance Class Lady – One of the older women in Bud's dance class at a studio
in Minneapolis; commented to her how her classes made her "feel like a kid
again".
Daren (aka Darin, Darren) – see Watkins, Daren
Debra – One of the named members of the female firefighting/model team.
Amanda caught on film an action shot of Debra tossing a shark halfway
across the oceanfront.
Deedra – Hairdresser at a salon in Minneapolis; sheared off a good deal of
Monica's long hair to promote Locks of Love, a charitable work that makes
wigs for cancer survivors from real human hair.
Demon Girl – A girl at the orphanage that Atsali and Castela knew. Atsali
found her in a very unfortunate position.
Demon Queen – see Doubt.
Demon Shepherd, The – see Villarreal, Monica.
Dietzel – Monica's just-a-dog bull terrier. For once, a dog in the comics that
does not speak or save the world on a regular basis. He has shown some
erratic intelligence, but mostly only acts human-like when it suits the plot.
In other words, he's more a comic foil than anything. Doesn't like sticking
his head out the window of Monica's car after a nasty incident with a June
bug when he was a puppy. Now, he's only a bit larger than a June bug,
thanks to a little mishap he had with Calista. Dietzel was the second
sculpture for sale at the Patch Together website.
Doe, Jane – The body that Suzie "cleaned up" from the Hennepin County
morgue, in an effort to keep her from turning into a vampire (or something
worse). The mortician stated she was about 17 and was found in an alley,
dead from exposure.
Doubt – One of Monica's personal demons, the most powerful of them all.
Monica tried running from her at age 14, and was nearly run over by a bus
because of it. Jin kept her from being hit, but her heart stopped briefly as a
result. Speaks in "mirror" language when empowered (sometimes leading
her to be named "acinoM" in that state); her appearance changes as well.
The first time she appeared, Monica wrestled with her openly in front of
Tepoz, and sent it running. She has pointed out to Monica that despite
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what she may believe, she's not always her enemy. Has had interactions
with the Golem Girls (who initially thought she was a "pet"); Doubt
doesn't appear to be a "generic" demon, but changes size (and shape!) based
upon her "host." Monica stated she "can be the most seductive" of her
demons. And she really, really, really likes pizza. She is not to be confused
with Jin's Doubt – the "Demon Queen" that was sucked into the demon
realm with the Calendar Machine.
Doug – Mostly unseen mortician at the Hennepin County Medical Center.
Apparently knows Suzie enough that he has a standing arrangement for
body bags and enzyme cleaners.
Dragonslayers, The – Two scantily-clad females who have apparently
convinced a town that they had "killed" a dragon (who was apparently in
on the ruse). The dark-haired female looked suspiciously like a certain
keeper of Kachina dolls.
Dylan – Delivery girl for Papa's Pizza, aka "The Pizza Bimbo"; apparently,
she delivered pizza to Dietzel every day while Monica was visiting her
family in Mexico. Apparently Dietzel still orders pizza from there, as
Monica told him to "remind her to take her shoes off". How he
accomplishes all of this, don't ask. Name was revealed by Pablo after a
sketch of her trying to convince Dietzel to eat a pizza was put on eBay.
Drives what looks to be an old '78 VW Rabbit.
Earl – One of the named bikers down at Sally's in the warehouse district.
Monica stated that he was an architect.
Ehrlich, Amanda – Photographer and Monica's school friend. Was the first
character in the strip, along with Monica. Returned to the strip after a long
hiatus, after getting a spit-take bath from Monica after asking her about
"old texts, mythical beasts, riddles and calendar machines". She was
"adopted" by a stray male kitten – and rather forcibly introduced to the
supernatural via a little dip in the middle of Lake Calhoun. Her mother
wasn't exactly the greatest in the world; her father was mostly absent from
their lives. She's only recently clued in to all the supernatural stuff in the
strip.
Ellen – see Albrecht, Ellen.
Epimethus, Justin – The Minneapolis police officer who responded to the
"exploding grill" at Shelly's place. Turns out he was crushing on Ms.
Wahnee after taking a kick-boxing class at Jacqui's studio. How he ended
up cuffed to her bed is up for conjecture. He states he's a "psycho-chick
magnet" – which would explain why Bud did her Fargo-like impersonation
for him a few times. Shelly discovered (the hard way) that he is actually
Epimethus, brother of Prometheus; he has quick healing powers, but does
not remember that he's essentially immortal because of a gunshot wound to
the head. And that her grandma set them up.
Euryale – a Gorgon with a southern accent, a sunny disposition, and snakes
for a hairdo. Daughter of Ceto, and sister of Medusa; she has "accidentally"
frozen Monica several times, despite her fangirling over M and her exploits.
A marine biologist, archaeologist, and a hugger – so watch out. And don't
get her – or her snakes – upset.
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Evil Wizard – The leader of the priests of Lanthis who were keen on trying
to create the Chimera using a formula provided by Jin's mother, Mayahuel.
He was very impressed upon his first meeting with her. (Oops, did I give
something away?)
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False Queen – see Doubt.
Farmer, Egyptian – Unnamed individual that popped out of Bud's "stomach
door", looking for Tepoz (who apparently owed him a bunch of tomatoes).
Later revealed that he owns the other tapestry, which he displays in his
market in Egypt (which may have been a prevarication on the part of
Tepoz). Unfortunately, when Monica went in search of the other tapestry,
she found he wasn't exactly in one piece.
FBI Boss – The boss of Lily Pratt and Suzy McBride, the Vampire FBI
agents. Doesn't like having to "debrief" them after Suzy does something
dumb – like feed on a serial killer.
Fear – One of Monica's personal demons. Was only seen in one panel, with
empty, hollow eyes. Has not appeared since the "Personal Demons"
storyline. Not to be confused with Panic (see below).
Fields, Gregory – Monica's boss at the University Historical Museum.
Likes to give Monica assignments and run the other way. Regardless of
this, he thinks highly of her. Name was revealed when he walked in on
Monica talking with a humanized Phix. Phix has had some "early morning
discussions" with him. (Insert "man-eater" joke here.) His secretary (who
has never been seen or heard "on screen") is Barbara.
Foxglove, Princess Calista – A little character that Atsali met in the
hallway at school. Her nickname of "Cricket" is very apt. Rough
Brooklynese accent suggests a rough-and-tumble past.
Freckled Red-Haired Guy – He helped out Katherine when her fish Oscar
accidentally swallowed some ice cream by giving her some fresh water for
his bowl. Noticed she was having a "good butt day." Looks a lot like
Napoleon Dynamite. Dang.
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Georgette – see Sundahl, Georgette.
Gilchrist, Atsali Sirena – A siren who met Katherine at the library annex.
Slightly odd speech, somewhat reminiscent of a grand English world
adventurer, she loves books (thus the reason for her presence at the
library). Freckled face with whitish-silver hair, short wings – and a birdlike lower body. She spoke her name in Greek as "Άτσαλη", which is the
feminine form of the word "clumsy" – though it is also very close to the
word "steel". Her parents died when she was little, resulting in her
placement in an orphanage. She had limited access to the library through
this orphanage. Now lives in the Twin Cities with her new adoptive mom
and "sister". Has had some recent body image issues, related mostly to
changes in her siren form.
Gilchrist, Castela (Castel Enora) – A demon-like little "whatsit" girl with
horns and the unfortunate nickname of "Pickle". Her parents left her at the
supernatural orphanage (unlike Atsali). Has a tendency to "come undone"
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when she's in a highly emotional state – literally. She maintains her
"human" form by crocheting her branches together – but there are gaps
which prevent her from being too seriously hurt. Her emotional state has a
distinct effect on her human form. Looks up to Atsali as a big-sister figure –
which they now are with their new mama in Minneapolis.
Gilchrist, Katherine – Museum curator and spider collector (though she is
afraid of them). A one-time social disaster. Likes Starbuck from the new
Battlestar Galactica, as was shown by her Halloween costume. Had some
half-dead plants that she wanted to have "more of a social life" than her –
until squirrels ate them. Katherine then ate the squirrels – "taste like
chicken" was her comment. Big fan of the local plant conservatory. Caught
the eye of a cute guy when his volleyball accidentally hit the bowl of her pet
fish Oscar. Monica somewhat reluctantly let her in on some of the secrets
of the calendar machine and the time-travel tapestry. Had herself an
adventure recently, where we found out about her (highly unusual) past –
which resulted in her becoming an adoptive parent. If you have to guess
who they are, you're not paying attention. A primary cast member.
Golem Girls – see "Chimera".
Gotlieb, Jessie – High-school age mermaid that gave Atsali grief during
swimming class. Atsali came to her rescue, though, when she couldn't
maintain her human form.
Grandpa Sullivan – see Sullivan, Aaron.
Granma Lily – see Pratt, Lily.
Gretchen – The receptionist for Lydia, the custom bra-maker for Monica.
Most prominent feature is large roundish glasses. She was finally named
when Monica and Tina went in to be fitted for a sports bra.
Guards, Lanthian – The two heavies that tried to attack Mayahuel (Jin's
mother) in the flashback scene that begins the third Wapsi Square book.
Mayahuel showed the one guard her "look ma, no hands!" slicing technique
– which impressed the Evil Wizard to no end.
Guidance – One of Georgette's personal demons; she apologized profusely
to Monica for her treatment upon arriving in their "domain", thanks to an
entity only known as "Tar". Has Georgette's facial features, but has a metallike framework that makes her seem like a stick figure. In her most
common form, she simply appears as a "mask".
Guzmán, Tina Rosario Aldaco – Barista who makes the best damn coffee in
the Twin Cities at her shop, Mucho Mocha. After that, it gets complicated:
she was the driver who was involved in the accident when Monica ran in
front of a bus to avoid her demons (not Monica's, Tina's); her "soul"
apparently died and her personal demons took over her shell. The
"conglomerate" decided to open a coffee shop in the Twin Cities, providing
wisdom to others despite having no recollection of who she was prior to
the accident – save for a few newspaper clippings that suggest she was the
daughter of a drug lord and was on the run from him. Possesses a special
clock with a key that looks a lot like one of Shelly's clay dolls (which was
made by the same person, apparently); Brandi happened to notice prior to
the calendar machine storyline that it contained some sort of stiletto knife.
She also has a set of notebooks in some sort of shorthand that spooked
Monica when she told her about them. Her demons are apparently visible
to others who are similarly "undead", like Bud; to everyone else, she just has
really strange-looking eyes. For the longest time, Nudge had taken control
of the collective, but Phix did a monster-ectomy on her at the library. Has
been out-of-sorts on occasion as of late, but is still bright and cheery –
though she has warned Monica that she's not "domesticated." She is not
sure about what her continued existence will be, but she's already come to
the conclusion that this time around in the calendar machine loop was the
first for the "rats steering the ship." Recently was re-introduced to some
family. A primary cast member.
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Hatred – One of Monica's personal demons. Very dark, almost a negative
image of Monica, with a grill-like mouth and hollow, "glowing" eyes. Only
appeared in the "Personal Demons" storyline.
Heather – see Mills, Heather.
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Jacob – A boy in Atsali's class. He works at a coffee shop with his sister,
Randi, near a Lund's grocery store in Uptown Minneapolis. He and his
sister are both satyrs (half-goat, half-human). Atsali thinks he's got a cute
butt… SPROING!
Jacqui (aka Jacquline) – see Bontemps, Jacquline.
Jaguar Girl, The – see Villarreal, Monica.
Jaheel – see Prasad, Jaheel.
Janet – Co-worker of Monica's at the University Museum. First mentioned
back in the first full year of the strip, she was only referred to by name –
until Monica mistakenly thought she was Doubt. May have been Monica's
best friend in one of the last "cycles" of the calendar machine reset.
Jason – Amanda's personal assistant, a nerdy sort who was intimidated by
the firefighter models at the beachfront photo shoot.
Jessie – see Gotlieb, Jessie.
Jet – see Sundahl, Georgette.
Jill – see Sundahl, Jill.
Jin – see Adeobie, Jin.
Joanne – Owner-operator of a dance studio in Minneapolis (Joanne's Elite
Dance Studio). She hired Acacia (Bud) as one of her dance instructors at
the end of 2006. Sometimes questions Bud's sanity.
Joe – The pretend street-robber and psychologist. He tried robbing Heather
(twice) and Shelly once. Unfortunately for him, Heather was packing some
serious heat the first time – and Shelly was ticked off the second time.
Julia – One of the named members of the female firefighting/model team.
Junior – The MiB special agent who likes to eat salted caramel latte
popsicles.
Justin – see Epimethus, Justin.
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Katherine– see Gilchrist, Katherine.
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Kevin – Monica's long-time (now ex) paramour. Freelance photographer
from the Twin Cities. Until a recent case of drunken "poiting"
(teleportation) on Monica's part, he's been kept in the dark about all the
supernatural stuff going on. Took the revelation of all the crazy stuff in
Monica's life in stride. He was a bit angst-ridden over Monica's apparent
sexual overdrive in response to her issues with things supernatural. Alan,
upon hearing his concerns, didn't see the problem. Monica eventually – and
rather suddenly – did, though. His sister thinks he's a klutz.
Kittie –Tina's cat, with a somewhat unoriginal name. Of course, for most
cats, that's no problem, because how many of them actually come when you
call them?
Kramer, Doctor (no first name given) –The doctor who dealt with Shelly's
bowling-ball incident; Shelly was knocked unconscious while
simultaneously talking to Heather and trying to clean out her closet. Nearly
got hit by a bedpan when Shelly found out she'd have to stay at the hospital
overnight.
Krystle – Another teenaged mermaid, and friend of Jessie. She was in on the
teasing of Atsali.
Kukulcan – Aztec god and Tepoztecal's mentor. Rough equivalent of
Zeus/God Almighty – though his true origin is something a bit less on the
"Almighty" side. Has interesting taste in clothing. Stated to Tepoz that
Monica was "trained" to be a glyph reader for a reason; apparently Jin and
her mother had something to do with this.
Lakshimi – see Prasad, Lakshmi.
Lenny – One of the named bikers down at Sally's in the warehouse district.
He is the head chef at Palladio's restaurant.
Library – see Bibliothiki.
Lilith – An independent, strong-willed woman who knows Stheno.
Unconfirmed, but she might be a member of the Clay family. Not to be
confused with Atsali's grandma. Loves Mucho Mocha.
Lily – see Pratt, Lily.
Luci – Jacqui's receptionist. Formal, a bit odd, shy, and richly tattooed.
Believes she is "dork cheesecake." Doesn't like Shelly very much. Shelly
doesn't care much for her, either, referring to her as "that little insect." The
two have an adversarial relationship over access to Jacqui. She was in juvie
detention hall growing up.
Lust – One of Monica's personal demons. Her appearance is similar to
Doubt, but instead has "made-up" lips and wears a camisole top. Doesn't
stand upright (since she's a more "primal" demon). She "overpowered"
Monica with desire to become rich from discovering the Calendar Machine.
Tends to work in tandem with Vanity.
Lydia – Custom bra constructor. Holds a degree in architecture. Very
spooky voice. Calls Monica "kotehok" (kitten), works with lingerie ninjas.
Makshi – see Prasad, Makshi.
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Marta – Monica's cousin, living in Monterrey, Mexico with the rest of
Monica's family. Taller than Monica; she is planning to go to law school
and become a lawyer.
May (or Mayahuel) – see Adeobie, Mayahuel.
McBride, Suzie – Bespectacled vampire girl who works for the FBI. Has
some issues with this whole "don't feed on the bad guys" thing about
modern society. Just ask serial killer Martin Reynolds – oh wait, you can't.
Discovered the hard way why it's not a good idea to try to approach a
human apex predator. Unintentionally helped Monica many years ago.
Meadows, Mr. – An anthropomorphic crocodile who is one of the staff of a
supernatural orphanage. Atsali and Castela were two of his charges.
Medeia – An apo sphinx. Phix had her for lunch.
Medusa – Euryale's more famous gorgon sister. Not as dead as was
purported to be.
Men In Black – Secret organization that exists within the guise of current
governmental agencies, set up by Brandi and Bud with the purpose of
keeping the world safe for the paranormals that live here. Brandi is
considered the Senior Director; other members of the organization involve
Tsillah, Lily and Suzie, and the Library itself.
Mercenaries, Egyptian – The group of soldiers that suddenly opened fire on
Monica when she grabbed the other tapestry that was supposedly in the
Egyptian "fruit market".
Mermaid – The adult mermaid who overheard Bud's comment about a
"strong little thorn", pointing out that Bud was named for a thorny plant
herself.
Mike – Security guard at the Minneapolis museum. He is in charge of the
storage vaults at the museum, where Monica had the time-travel tapestry
placed.
Mills, Heather – Shelly's lesbian friend, and possible "love interest" from the
recent past. Radio station manager, and lead singer of Intentional Thumbprint,
the band that opened for Fermented Banana at The Plow in Des Moines. Is an
avid shooter and is licensed to carry a gun. Had a nice little "date" with
Vickie Talbot over wine. She was the first person Shelly called after she
"returned" from the Time Forest.
Monica – see Villarreal, Monica.
Monica's Boss – see Fields, Gregory.
Museum Director – see Fields, Gregory.
Nadette – The other ursamorph twin (of Berdine) that Atsali met at the
paranormal shopping mall. In her "normal" form, she has thinner, straighter
hair than her sister; in her human form, she keeps her hair in a position that
makes her looks like Dot Warner. They both recently moved to the Twin
Cities from "out west" – and also have Cherokee blood in them. Nadette is
the quieter of the two – mostly due to being a "seer".
Nikki – One of the named members of the female firefighting/model team.
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Ninjas, Lingerie – The "Elite Guard" of Lydia's "Old Master"; they can
measure, undress and fit you with a new bra like a breeze in the wind – and
serve you espresso afterward.
Nu Gui – The evil "ghost spirit" of the baby that was killed in Brandi's
abduction. She made a deal with Brandi, which resulted in a lot of bad
things happening. Has been "dealt with", thanks to Bud, Katherine, and
Atsali.
Nudge – The "first" librarian of the Bibliothiki. Originally appeared to
Monica as one of Tina's demons, the chairperson of the Demon horde inside
of her. She has had the urge over the years to keep Monica safe, more or less
as a Guardian, and has "guided" her at various points in her life. The
"trickster" (with horns, hooves and an attitude), she got out of library duty
by tricking Oedipus into destroying a book that contained Nudge's
"sentence" of eternal library service. She used the time to convince what
was left of Tina's demons to get up off the slab and move to Minneapolis to
be near Monica – though she admits that she felt strange while doing so. Is
friendly with both Monica and Shelly, whom she has both watched over for
years – and never gave up on them. Hates lava baths. Has a shadow for a
sister.
Oduya, Brandilyn (Brandi) – One of the three Golems that Tepoz caused to
appear as drunken college girls to Monica. Previously part of the Chimera
(a very powerful being that nearly destroyed the world) with Bud and Jin;
she can transform into a lioness when angered or attacked. Adult,
emotionally solid as a rock, and a mother hen. Likes the movie, Pretty In Pink
– though none of the Golem Girls like the ending. Introduced Monica to
Phix and the Bibliothiki. Now employed, working at a "print shop" in an
office setting in the Twin Cities – or, at least, that's what Senior Director
Oduya lets everyone think she does. Lived in a small apartment with Bud
(see Acacia Budur) until a few years before the Calendar Machine incident.
The one Golem Girl that, until recently, we knew the least about – other
than that one time at the Pyramid of the Moon, and that book she wrote
that suggests how to fix the Calendar Machine with a bowling ball and
mirrors. For this reason, she "viscerally scares the crap out" of Bud, who's
afraid to play chess with her. Oh, and there was some sort of "deal" she
made with the "powers that be" after the Lanthian priests took her from her
position as a nursery worker. Something about "vimana cells", a grid and a
"nu gui". A primary cast member (listed on the main Wapsi Square cast
page).
Oscar – The name of Katherine's pet betta fish. She talks to it like it
actually understands her – which isn't too farfetched in the Wapsiverse. He
is lactose intolerant.
Owen – see Albrecht, Owen.
Panic – One of Monica's personal demons. Represented by a head with
multiple horns – almost like a gorgon – and a large toothy mouth; doesn’t
say much. She gained some power as Monica lost the book she checked out
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of the Bibliothiki (library). Monica stated that "she can surprise me" at
times.
Pete – One of the named bikers down at Sally's in the warehouse district.
Monica stated he was an anesthesiologist.
Phix – Apotropaic sphinx librarian in a supernatural library with multiple
outlets. Has taken a liking to Monica. Gave her a book, "Machine After the
Sun Stone", which Monica believes contains many of the answers to the
questions in her life (though it was actually a book of poetry written by
Jin). Has enlightened Monica on aspects of her past and relationship with
Jin. Also appears to be somewhat of a grandmotherly figure to Shelly – and
not just because Shelly discovered in the time forest she was more than
human. Can be rather messy when she's eating.
Pickle – see Gilchrist, Castela.
Prasad, Jaheel – Lakshmi's teenage sister. Lived with Lakshimi until she
moved off to college (or so we're left to assume. Threatened to kick Owen's
butt if he treated her badly.
Prasad, Lakshmi – Construction worker. Even more physically imposing
than Shelly. Tries to be soft and sweet. Likes swing music – much to
Owen's dismay. Biography states she is an Olympic swimmer and works for
her father's construction business. Was last seen on a postcard with Owen
announcing they had eloped – much to Shelly's chagrin.
Prasad, Makshi – Lakshimi's other, younger sister. Seen briefly when Owen
called her after their first date.
Pratt, Lily – One of the Vampire girls who work for the FBI. She is the
slightly more practical one – though she wears dreadlocks (and
occasionally not much else). She has two paranormal grandchildren. Still
gets sick to her stomach in the presence of her daughter's friends.
Randi - Jacob's sister; runs a coffee shop in uptown Minneapolis. He and
her brother are satyrs (half goat, half human). Knows Nadette, apparently
through native American connections.
Rigo – Monica's other cousin. Very machismo. Doesn't care much for his
friends' tactics in wooing girls – like his cousin and sister.
Roy – Former owner of the Antique Shop that Monica now owns and
operates herself. According to Paul, he was an elderly gentleman who
looked a lot like a Persian cat with a big white mustache and beard. When
Monica was younger she loved going to his shop, and after she got out of
the hospital, it wasn't doing as well as it once had. As a result, Monica used
some of her money from the lawsuit of the hospital to buy half of the shop
from Roy and get things moving again. Roy was able to have young college
employees, and he could travel to find new items for the store. The first
(and practically only) time he was mentioned in comic was when he
shipped Monica a voodoo doll that looked like Shelly, in the second strip.
Sadly, according to Paul he passed away while touring the Great Wall of
China. He died with a smile on his face.
Sage of the Forest – see Wahnee, Shelly.
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"Sailor" – Nickname given by Monica to a 19-year old boy that she almost
hooked up with. Did so at a wedding that Amanda was photographing –
and Monica was acting as her assistant. The wedding was the first time
Monica used the Glyph language out loud in the strip.
Salesman, Bowling Shop – The gentleman who sold Brandi not one but two
bowling balls. Not that Brandi intended to buy more than one, of course.
Selenium – Amanda's strange-eyed kitten. He woke her up one night,
wandered into her life and "adopted" her. Talent is apparently to make a
mess by drooling and peeing over everything, and his Wolverine-like claws.
Like it or not, he's got the run of Amanda's studio, and she's now a
reluctant cat owner. "Selenium" name comes from the element used in
tintype photography for its conduction of electricity. Superpower:
coughing up hairballs as big as himself.
Senator, Etheitian – The woman that Nadette found in a stasis tube under
the Mapimi site.
Shelly – see Wahnee, Shelly.
Simone – Bar waitress at Darren's bar. She was tending bar while Darren
was dog-sitting Dietzel for Monica while she was down in Mexico. She
was also the recipient of a sloppy lick on the face from Dietzel a bit earlier
when he decided to play "spin the bottle" with the patrons of Darren's bar.
Looks a lot like Brandi, but we're pretty sure she's not one and the same;
she was introduced before the Golem Girls came on the scene.
Smooze, Marcus P. – The muscled lawyer and ambulance chaser with
whom Bud flirted briefly. Now in trouble with the Minnesota State Bar
Association. Name only appeared on the card that he handed to Bud after
her header into the sidewalk.
Spooky Girl – see Companion.
Stheno – Euryale's younger, slightly "darker" sister. Her snake hairs tend to
turn into cobras, not just snakes. Only appearance was in a "family picture"
pin-up.
Stinky – Bud's pet giant squid. Likes to play fetch with an old sunken boat
anchor. Found the German U-boat (U-296) that was hiding the Lanthian
key relic.
Stone, Angie "Sugarbear" – A female bounty hunter and TV reality show
star (Sugarbear: Bail Enforcement Agent) in the Wapsiverse. According to
Pablo, Stone "got her nickname late one night when she received a phone
tip that one of her elusive quarry had been sighted at a nearby bar. She
grabbed her jeans, and still wearing her "sugarbear" pajama tee, bolted out
the door. Needless to say, her adorable attire was a stark counterpoint to
how much dental damage she dished out with a pool cue, but she got her
man." Appeared once in the actual strip, on Monica's TV, chastising a perp
for not seeing the baseball bat she had wedged in the back door.
Students, Kindergarten – Castela's classmates at the paranormal
kindergarten school. The rules about maintaining human form aren't as
strict as they are with older kids at the school – which is why they look a
bit… odd.
Sugarbear – see Stone, Angie "Sugarbear".
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Sullivan, Aaron – Monica's maternal grandfather, the WWII biker soldier.
Supposedly drove through a German camp on his Harley Liberator –
without them firing a shot. First mentioned in reference by the patrons of
Sally's Bar; Monica has since realized that he had a fling with Jin prior to
his meeting her grandma – and may have known something about the
Calendar Machine.
Sundahl, Georgette – Skinny model with very high metabolism – and very
intelligent. Goes by her first name (Georgette); last name is assumed to be
the same as her sister. Monica was involved in advertisements for her
restaurant chain, based on a pub in Minneapolis. Ran into Monica at
Mucho Mocha right after her little adventure with the Calendar Machine.
Recent events not only uncovered her past, but that she has her own
personal demons – like Monica. And, she had a similar traumatic life
experience as Monica. She has since gone into business with Monica and
her antique store.
Sundahl, Jill – Georgette's sister and a superb cook. Looks like she could
kick Lakshimi's butt. Monica ran into her at the "elf house" in Minneapolis,
where Jill first mistook her for one of Georgette's "modeling friends". Has a
very troubled past – one that we didn't know about until recently.
Sunglasses Girl – The kinky girl that Alan was seen in bed with. Amazing
with a rubber chicken and a toilet seat. Only seen in three separate strips,
around the time when Kevin first asked Monica out.
Sunshine – see Villarreal, Monica.
Suzie (Suze) – see McBride, Suzie.
Talbot, Vickie – The lesbian suit girl Heather met in Tina's cafe. Heather
finally got up the nerve to call her, and the two went out to a wine bar
together. Heather unintentionally propositioned her at the bar; no idea if it
was consummated – though Heather had a very happy look on her face the
next morning at Tina's.
Tar – An unknown entity that dragged Monica, kicking and screaming,
into the "inner sanctum" of Georgette's demons. Not particularly nice.
"Dealt with" by Monica.
Teacher, Kindergarten – Castela's teacher in the kindergarten at the
paranormal school in Minneapolis. She's a lagomorph (half-human, halfrabbit) who is thrilled that an academic like Monica is looked up to by her
students.
Tentacle – One of the "free range" demons inside Tina; despite its
appearance (just what it says on the tin), is very lady-like and actually took
a day off from running the shop after a difficult night.
Tepoztecal (aka Tepoz) – The Aztec god of alcohol. Guardian of both the
Golems and, to a certain extent, Monica. Hardly a supernatural
heavyweight, but knows more than he lets on. Basically a good guy – if a bit
short and on the blue side. Was held captive in a statue, until Monica
unknowingly freed him by reading the incantation on the outside. Likes to
watch the Weather Channel. Can be seen by Katherine, who helped
Monica interrogate him about the disappearance of the tapestry.
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Apparently was a creation of Jin's mom as a "test run" for making golems. A
primary cast member, thought we haven't seen much of him as of late.
Tèran, "Yummy Tea" – Mural artist. Went to school with Monica, where
they met in the fourth grade. She nicknamed him "Cazuela" (a big-handled
cooking pot, which is what Yummy Tea looks like). His "artist name" is
apparently something he got from a girlfriend, and isn't printable in a
family magazine. One of his murals featured a caricature of Tepoz – to
Monica's surprise.
Thymbris – Tsillah's mom. She has one hell of a day job.
Tia – Spanish word for "aunt", used by Monica to refer to her unnamed
aunt. Lives in Monterrey, Mexico with the rest of Monica's family.
Tiffany – One of Monica's employees at her antique store in Minneapolis.
She is apparently well aware of Monica's supernatural background.
Timekeeper's Daughter – see Adeobie, Jin.
Tina – see Guzmán, Tina Rosario Aldaco.
Tio – Spanish word for "uncle". Used by Monica to refer to her unnamed
uncle, a successful tile and brickwork specialist in Monterrey, Mexico.
Tochtli – see Adeobie, Jin.
Tsillah – Daughter of Charon, the ferryman of the dead. Has an interesting
taste in clothing, and is apparently a "shade" on the young side. Ran into
Shelly and Justin at the library and helped them out with a little wardrobe
malfunction. Apparently has been "assigned" to Monica by her dad – for
reasons yet unknown. Might have something to do with her sister. And the
Library.
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U-Boat 296 Captain – Bud found him (or what was left of him) chained and
handcuffed to an old Lanthian relic – and a German "potato-masher
grenade." Made a big mess of Monica's little "island in the sun."
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Vanity – One of Monica's demons; represented by an interesting
combination of an empty bustier and fishnet stockings with nothing but a
china doll face on a backbone. Has apparently grown powerful in recent
days as Monica has learned more about her past and about the Golem Girls.
Works in tandem with Lust.
Vickie – see Talbot, Vickie.
Villarreal, Monica – The main character of Wapsi Square. Very
intelligent if a tiny bit socially inept. Twenty-something (recently turned
31) former museum curator, antique shop owner (now full time), magic
glyph reader, golem keeper, possessor of phoenix blood, wielder of astral
fire, demon shepherd, the "fourth light" and the bearer of a truly
magnificent pair of, uh, you know (they are supposedly 28J – as in "Jaguar
Girl" – as of her last "measuring" by Lydia). Listed at 4'11" in height with
reddish-brown hair. She is a part-owner of an antique store with Georgette;
she took over the store full-time after Roy passed away. Has a soft spot for
antiques, coffee, '80's music, Mesoamerican history, and hi-fi stereos. Died
briefly as a teenager when she was nearly hit by a bus running away from a
horde of demons, but was "saved" by Jin. Lives in a little house with her
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dog, Dietzel, in the Wapsi Square area of the Twin Cities. She has
developed the ability to "poit" (teleport) from place to place, which appears
to have come about because of her glyph-reading ability and her visits to
the Bibliothiki. She is getting better and better at it, though it's taken her
some time. She's convinced that Lanthians are the "Psycho-steam punks of
the ancient world." She's pretty famous among demons and mythical
creatures – and even vampires. Oh, and she's a sub-Titan. In a bit of irony,
she is essentially immortal – while her "friend" Jin has lost her immortality.
In her Jaguar Girl form, her hair turns black and she has cat-like markings.
She was the first Wapsi Square sculpture for sale through the Patch
Together website, in her trademark Magic 8-Ball T-Shirt.
Volleyball Guy – Katherine's accidental "date" after her beach escapade. He
lost his concentration on the game of volleyball when he saw her stride into
the lake, and the ball bounced off his head – and onto Oscar's fishbowl! He
managed to screw up his courage to ask her out after apologizing. Haven't
heard from him since then.
Wahnee, "Brother" - Shelly's oldest, unnamed brother. The only thing we
know about him is that he went to school with the lead singer of the
Pickledippers, Monica's favorite punk rock band. Shelly related to Monica
that "she's a real sweetie, loves poetry an' all that crap."
Wahnee, Mr. – Shelly's father, and owner of Minneapolis South Auto
Repair and Restoration, where Shelly works. Passed out when he saw Shel
had cut off her long hair. Bia states he is a half-human, half-sphinx "hybrid",
child of Phix and a Comanche-American male (Shelly's grandfather). Bia
convinced Phix to let him grow up on Earth, not at the Library – and
promptly befriended him and married him. Not much else is known about
him, other than he kept Shelly from holding on to her mother's stone
figures for too long.
Wahnee, Shelly – Musician, half-sphinx, half-Titan and Monica's friend.
Car mechanic with muscles like a dockcrane (thanks to mom). Kachina
doll keeper, and the owner of a magical silver hammer, courtesy of a relative
of hers. One-time bassist for the band Fermented Banana. Proud of her
Comanche heritage; has her own demon, but not as "personalized" as
Monica; she discovered that her "Companion" was the result of her "vision
quest", where she found her (as Tochtli) nearly frozen and lethargic. Turns
out that Nudge was told to "guide" her out into those woods. Met Monica
through Jacqui; the two of them didn't exactly get off to the greatest of
starts. At some previous incarnation of the calendar machine's cycle, she
and Jin were good friends. This may be the reason why Jin "hid" the
tapestry design as a full-body tattoo on Shelly (or is it Janet? Or Michelle?
Brandi wasn't sure when she wrote her book). On the 57th try, managed to
get the power source that made Jin a "real human" again – and en route
discovered she was a Sphinx. With enhanced vision. Doesn't like spiders –
nor does she like people, monsters or Titans lying to her. The "Sage of the
Forest" has grown since then. Shelly is the third sculpture for sale at the
Patch Together website. A primary cast member.
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Wapsi Square – A fictional suburb of the twin US cities of Minneapolis and
Saint Paul, Minnesota. The "neighborhood" is named for a river (the
Wapsipinicon) that Paul Taylor drove across when visiting his thengirlfriend from Des Moines. There's a lot of speculation as to where the
suburb would be located in the Twin Cities, with the likeliest bet being
somewhere in the southwest section of Minneapolis, since Lake Calhoun,
Nicollet Mall, the Mall of America and the Minneapolis Museum of Art are
mentioned.
Watkins, Daren – The bartender in Monica's favorite bar. Socially
intelligent. Former school teacher, an occupation he says helps with his
current line of work. Has a soft and tender side, but basically plays the role
of confessor and sounding board to the rest of the cast. The last time she
visited his bar, Monica finally found out about his fear of bananas.
Yummy Tea – see Tèran, "Yummy Tea".
Jin Adeobie, Brandilyn Oduya and Acacia "Bud" Budur
The Wapsi Square Book List:
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Wapsi Square (fka Wapsi Square 2001-2004)
The Demons In My Back Pocket
The Timekeeper's Daughter
In The Shadow Of Doubt
Letting The Dust Settle
Visits To A Sandbar
Not Yet Published:
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Volume 7 (Name TBA; projected title: "The Library Annex")
Volume 8 (Name TBA; projected title: "The Companion of The Sphinx")
Volume 9 (Name TBA; projected title: "Birth of the Jaguar Girl")
Volume 10 (Name TBA; projected title: "Katherine Gilchrist and the Lost Dolls of the
Anasazi")
Volume 11 (Name TBA; projected title: "The Princess of Gryphon High")
Volume 12 (In Progress; Name TBA; projected title: "Holding Up A Mirror")
THE LOCALES OF WAPSI SQUARE
NOTE: Many of these places are located in the greater Twin Cities area of
Minneapolis/Saint Paul, Minnesota, in the United States.
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Amanda's Photography – Amanda's studio in Minneapolis; has a
large billboard on the roof where Monica, Shelly and Amanda got
an inspiration for an ad campaign for a local winery. The studio
was where Amanda had her run-in with her new pet cat,
Selenium. Amanda's apartment is apparently connected to the
studio.
Antique Shop – The shop which Monica is now the primary
owner – along with Georgette – in the Wapsi Square area; it was
never completely developed after appearing initially in-comic.
Originally owned by Roy, Monica took part of her settlement
from the hospital lawsuit and became a part-owner. She has
recently decided to become the full-time owner of the shop after
leaving her position at the museum.
Beauty Salon – The salon where Monica had her hefty tresses cut
in August of 2010. Her stylist, Deedra, warned her about
"balance issues" that might result.
Bibliothiki – The universal library run by Phix, a gryphon (part
woman, part lion, part eagle). Brandi brought Monica here after
she inquired about a book that Brandi was reading. "The
Library", as it is usually called, is an entity in and of itself, with
portals to various places. Many of the current cast members have
made at least one appearance there.
Bud and Brandi's Apartment – The two of them used to live
together in a small, two-room apartment until they put their
money together (some of it from Bud's "compressed diamonds")
to get a larger duplex, still in the Wapsi Square area. Bud
completely re-did their half of the backyard.
Calendar Machine, The Temple of – The location somewhere in
Mexico (possibly Teotihuacan) where the Calendar Machine was
once situated. Jin once took Monica's grandfather there to see it,
but a "cave-in" made it inaccessible.
Cerberus Club – A "high-class" dance bar in Minneapolis; was
where the Golem Girls took Monica and Shelly out dancing to
keep them from "feeling sorry for themselves." Years later, Jin
met up with Kevin's friend Alan there – and the two started a
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relationship. Jin accidentally took out the wall of the ladies'
bathroom as her schizophasia began to manifest itself.
Chino Latino – A Latin American food place on Hennepin in the
Uptown area of Minneapolis, located across an alleyway from
Lund's Grocery. A back door to the restaurant is actually a
Library gateway door.
Coffee Shop – Unnamed shop located in the "uptown" section of
Minneapolis, near a Lund's grocery store. Run by Randi with her
brother Jacob.
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Darren's Bar – The bar that the main cast members (Monica,
Shelly, Jacqui, Amanda, and Owen) frequent. Darren is a former
school teacher who finds bartending very similar to teaching
three year olds. Darren has a head "bar maid" named Simone;
she hasn't been seen in the strip since Monica was in Mexico.
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Egyptian Marketplace – A farmer's market located somewhere in
Cairo, Egypt. The shopkeeper – a fruit merchant – apparently
held the other "tapestry" that matches the one tattooed on
Shelly's body. When Monica went to retrieve it, she discovered it
had been taken over by a band of gun runners.
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Galleria Mall – A mall in Minneapolis frequented by several of the
characters. Bud, Brandi and Jin meet there for lunch at one point;
it is also the location of a "paranormal shopping day" at least
once a year.
Game Shop – The place where Shelly went after her ordeal over
losing Owen to Lakshimi. She was initially looking for help
downloading a replacement for the tape she had destroyed in
her apartment. She walked in to what she thought was a robbery
attempt, but turns out the "robber" was a sales representative
for a paintball gun company. Strangely enough, Shelly looked a
lot like the comic heroine used to promote their guns – which led
to a job opportunity for her. We haven't heard much about this
place since then; it's safe to say Shelly didn't play the
"spokesbabe" role for very long.
Georgette's – A little "dive" pub in the Twin Cities owned and
operated by supermodel Georgette. Her sister Jill Sundahl is the
head cook, and serves up comfort food to the patrons – and loads
of it for the owner, who has an extremely high metabolism.
Monica helped Amanda with the advertising for the place right
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after Georgette opened it. Georgette gave all the ownership
rights to Jill in 2013.
Georgette's Apartment – A loft-style, low-rise penthouse
apartment, located somewhere in the Twin Cities. It is the home
of supermodel Georgette Sundahl. The exact location is
unknown; it may be located near her sister's pub.
Grass Canyon – The location of the "spider" carving in the side of
an adobe dwelling, somewhere in New Mexico, US. The carving is
actually the site of a Stargate that was used by the Etheitians to
teleport to various locations.
Gryphon School – A school (exact location unknown) that caters
to paranormal children and teenagers. The school has classes
from Kindergarten to 12th grade, and one of the focuses of the
curriculum is teaching the students to maintain their human
form for the school day. Castela attends the kindergarten, while
Atsali is in the high school.
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Hennepin County Medical Center Morgue – The place where
Suzie McBride gets some of her "Jane Does" to care for. The
mortician apparently contacts her when such a person arrives –
to prevent that victim from turning into a vampire.
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Jin's Apartment – A high-rise penthouse apartment in downtown
Minneapolis; has a very nice view of the city skyline and of the
Wapsi Square area of the city.
Joanne's Elite Dance Studio – This is the studio where Acacia
Budur (aka "Bud") works as a dance instructor. Joanne is the
curly-haired owner and operator.
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Katherine's Apartment – A rather uniquely styled brownstone
building in the middle of the Wapsi Square area, with
checkerboard tile in the bathroom. The roof of the building is
where Katherine set up her greenhouse for her plants;
unfortunately, the local squirrel population discovered it in short
order. It has been converted to a multi-floor loft-style apartment,
with larger bedrooms and a "safety door" for use by paranormals
– like her two adopted daughters.
Kevin's Apartment – We don't know a whole lot about this place,
as the only part of it we've seen is the bedroom. Too bad Monica
wasn't there at the time.
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Lake Calhoun – A lake located in downtown Minneapolis that is
made from the waters of the Mississippi River. A popular
hangout for younger people for the parks on its banks. Monica
takes Dietzel out for walks along its shores, and other characters
play and relax along its shores (and beach) as well.
Library Annex – This is a portal to the main Library that was
established in Minneapolis, just after the destruction of the
Calendar Machine. It is located on the corner of 18th Street East
and Stevens Avenue South – the site of an old, abandoned
hospital and nursing home. The entrance is on the Stevens
Avenue South side; anyone else sees an old building. The Library
apparently has several annexes, based upon need, access and
usage.
Lund's Grocery – A chain of grocery stores in the Twin Cities
area. More of a specialty, "family owned" store than your typical
national chains, like Safeway and Piggly Wiggly. One is located in
the uptown section of Minneapolis - located a block away from
Calhoun Square and Stella's Fish Market.
Lydia's Lingerie – The custom bra shop that Monica uses for her
"special needs". Lydia, a woman with a rather spooky-sounding
voice, has a degree in architecture – which shouldn't be
surprising.
Mapimi – The home of the "Silent Zone", a place where all
electronics become useless. Until recently, was the site of the
Etheitian crystal storage facility. Had a little accident involving a
natural uranium deposit.
Mayahuel's Home – Mayahuel Adeobie's rather ostentatious
place in the greater Minneapolis area. She has her own garden
and greenhouse attached to it.
McBride and Pratt's Apartment – An apartment somewhere in
the general vicinity of Lake Calhoun. Lily Pratt and Suzie
McBride, two MIB agents (and vampires), share the apartment.
Lily uses the bathtub and shower as a "processing area" for her
unknown corpse preparations.
Mesa Verde – An ancient Anasazi pueblo in Colorado, USA, that
houses another Stargate that was used by Bud and Katherine to
run a "cleansing program."
Minneapolis South Auto Repair and Restoration – The auto shop
where Shelly works (now part-time) for her dad. Customers
aren't allowed in the garage section, due to issues with flying V-8
blocks (when Shelly gets mad).
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Monica's House – A home somewhere in Minneapolis, likely
located in the general area as Wapsi Square. She lives there with
her dog Dietzel and, on occasion, with Tepoztecal. It has a
sizeable attic, at least two floors, a closed-in backyard, and a
wine cellar in the basement.
Monterrey, Mexico – The home to Monica's aunt (Tia) and uncle
(Tio), where he is a successful masonry contractor. Monica
visited them a few years back, also getting a chance to meet her
cousins and her grandmother (abuela).
Mucho Mocha – The coffee shop in the Wapsi Square area owned
and operated by Tina Guzman, the "demon barista." Tina makes
coffee to order by reading the "aura" of the people who come in
to her Southwestern-themed shop. Monica was once brushed off
in here by a then-unnamed employee (Becky), but has become a
regular customer. It's assumed that the shop is located
somewhere between Monica's home and the museum.
Nadette's room - The bedroom of the "younger" of the twin
ursamorphs, where we saw her talking to Atsali via video chat.
Hanging on the wall are some Native American decorations: a
dream catcher and a Navajo woven wedding basket. It's not
certain if she shares the room with Berdine.
Nicollet Mall – A pedestrian-access-only outdoor mall in
downtown Minneapolis, located on Nicollet Avenue. Monica
poited Bud and Shelly there – naked – out of anger.
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Orphanage – The former home of Atsali and Castela; an
orphanage in some unknown location for paranormal children.
Run by a crocodile named Mr. Meadows, it has a distinct "ancient
institutional" feel to it.
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Papa's Pizza – The pizza delivery place that serves the Wapsi
Square area of the Twin Cities; Dietzel likes to order pizza from
here when Monica's not around – partially for the pizza, and
partially for the delivery girl, Dylan. Apparently, they have a
great sausage, prosciutto and goat cheese pizza that is the
favorite of both Monica and her personal demon, Doubt. (Who
knew demons liked pizza?)
Paradise Island – The home of Café U-296, and the gang's new
island getaway. It was where Monica was nearly frozen into the
water by Euryale.
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Parque Nacional Palenque - A set of Mayan ruins located in a
Mexican national park near Chiapas, on the Yucatan peninsula.
Katherine and Atsali made a brief visit to the Temple of the Sun
located there.
The Plow of Des Moines – The fictional bar and music venue in
Iowa where Shelly's band, Fermented Banana, headlined several
years ago. Was the place where Shelly and Owen first met up
with Heather Mills, the lesbian lead singer of the band
Intentional Thumbprint.
Punk Yoga – Jacqui's yoga studio, based on the theme that yoga is
for more than just "meditation-heads". Shelly has sought Jacqui's
help in using yoga to improve her life; she has started working
for Jacqui as a personal trainer and kickboxing instructor.
Sally's – A biker bar in the downtown district of Minneapolis; the
patrons tend to be upscale Harley lovers who have an affinity for
historical figures – like Monica's grandfather Aaron Sullivan.
Monica hasn't been there in several years.
Sandbar – A little place that Monica's grandfather took her when
she was little, located in the Bermuda Triangle. Unfortunately, it
was blown up in an accident involving a U-boat, Bud, and a giant
squid named "Stinky."
Shelly's Apartment – A nice little place in the Minneapolis area
with a very well-lit kitchen (lots of windows). Has a walk-in
shower stall in the bathroom, and enough room for her weights
and her bass guitar. It also has concrete floors and ceilings – and
a balcony.
Sphinx at Giza – The half-man, half-lion statue located in the
pyramid complex in Giza, Egypt. Jin poited herself there at one
point to watch the sun rise "on her schedule."
Stella's Fish Café – A high-end seafood and oyster bar located on
Lake Street, a block east of Hennepin, in the Uptown area of
Minneapolis. It was the "finish line" for a little race between
Monica and Shelly.

Time Forest – The place where Shelly and her "Companion" were
"stuck" while the pieces fell in place to create the relic that would
eventually save Jin. Phix apparently visited her there – along
with Nudge.
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University Historical Museum – The museum where Monica once
worked as a curator. Monica's former boss, Dr. Gregory Fields, is
constantly giving her assignments and running the other way. It
was here that Monica discovered (and "released") Tepoztecal,
and where she met her (now-ex) boyfriend Kevin. It is where
Monica has battled with her demons, and also met her coworker, Katherine Gilchrist (who isn't a demon but is very
spooky looking). The name of the university is never given, but is
assumed to be the University of Minnesota. The actual exterior
location used is that of the Minneapolis Art Museum, located in
the Stevens Square area of Minneapolis. Katherine still works
there, though she realizes her full-time job is dealing with her
two supernatural adopted daughters.
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Volcanic Island – The first of two islands that were scouted by Jin
and Monica for a paradise getaway. Unfortunately, it blew its lid.
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Wapsi Conservatory – An indoor floral garden and greenhouse in
the fictional downtown Minneapolis neighborhood of Wapsi
Square (see below). Katherine frequents this place when she's in
need of a reminder of spring during the long, cold Minnesota
winter.
Wapsi Square – A fictional neighborhood in downtown
Minneapolis, probably just outside of the downtown area. Name
is a combination of Calhoun Square, located southwest of
downtown near Lake Calhoun, and the Wapsinicon River – which
is nowhere near Minneapolis. The river of that name was often
crossed by Paul Taylor when he was visiting his then-girlfriend
(now wife) in Iowa. Most of the characters in the strip live in the
Wapsi Square area, whether it is a house (Monica) or apartments
(Shelly, Katherine, Bud and Brandi, Jin).
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Wapsi Square – The Next Generation
Clockwise from top: Atsali, Calista (aka "Cricket"), Berdine, Nadette;
Center: Dietzel (miniaturized).
WAPSI SQUARE
Storyline Arcs, 2001-2015
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A Naïve Girl (2001-09-09) [Introducing Monica, Amanda, Shelly, Owen,
Jacqui (Fermented Banana), Darin, Mucho Mocha (first appearance of
"Becky"), Dietzel]
Another Birthday (2001-11-21) [The Pickledippers Concert and Monica's
Ballet dress]
Opinions (2001-12-07) [Shelly and Owen]
Monica and Winter (2001-12-21) [includes interludes with Shelly & Owen,
Monica's 8-ball shirt's first appearance – and Shelly's relationship to the
Pickledippers]
Pre-Columbian Artifacts (2002-01-09) [Aztec God of Alcohol – aka,
Tepoztecal; ends with Shelly seeing M's 8-ball shirt]
Not a Formal Social Person (2002-01-28) [The black tie party at the museum –
leading to car troubles, Sally's (the "dive bar"), the introduction of Monica's
background, Shelly's Camaro; ends with a single strip with Shelly & Owen]
I Just Love… Spring. (2002-03-29) [Monica has a strange attraction to bad
weather]
The Road Trip (2002-04-22) [The Fermented Banana goes on tour (okay, it's
just across town)]
The Blind Date (2002-05-10) [When Owen Met Lakshimi]
Photos from School (2002-06-24) [Pictures from 4th Grade – and we learn
Monica had "cross-eyes" in 4th grade]
The Photographer (2002-07-03) [When Monica Met Kevin; includes the show
– and the return of Tepoz; first instance of "poiting"]
Separate Ways (2002-10-08) [The gang goes in separate directions: the Gig in
Des Moines (and we meet Daddy Wahnee and the auto shop – and Heather
Mills, lead singer for Intentional Thumbprint); Monica goes on vacation to her
family in Mexico (aunt and uncle and her cousins Marta and Rigo); Amanda's
female firefighter photo shoot (and her "assistant"); while Daren watches
Dietzel.]
Back to the TC (2003-02-24) [Shelly and Owen are on the same wavelength –
or are they? The first appearance of Tina!]
If I Don't Call Now (2003-03-10) [Part Two of Separate Ways – this time,
Owen and Lakshimi go on date #2; Amanda's firefighter shows her tough-buttender side; Monica and Marta go clubbing; and we meet the Papa's Pizza girl]
The Girl Right In Front Of Him (2003-04-16) [Shelly's brooding side – and
Bridget Jones' Diary gets eaten by her VCR while her popcorn gets scorched in
the kitchen – and Shelly takes out her rage on a "would-be" robbery, ending up
as a paintball model]
Lakshimi and Owen, Part 3 (2003-05-21) [Goin' Bowlin' with Owen]
Monica's Physical (2003-06-16) [Body issues between M and Shelly]
Another Day Another Show (2003-07-02) ["Graffiti Artist" DJ Yummy Tea;
the Social Misfit question]
Start Exercising! (2003-08-01) [Amanda takes M for a "bike ride" after hearing
M's cholesterol was at 192; the "ass-bra" shorts; the stairs down to the lake
(keep 'em in mind for later, kids)]
I Have A Social Life #### It! (2003-09-17) [Where we meet Katherine
Gilchrist (just moved to the TC a year ago – 2002), who meets Monica's
friends; she collects spiders, even though they scare her; and our second
appearance of Tina – who thought Monica was a masseuse!]
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Yummy Tea and Monica (2003-12-08) [Cazuela! Pechochi! Graffiti
featuring… TEPOZ?]
Heather and Shelly (2004-01-05) [She really loves those amp tubes; Heather
liked Shelly's more than Owen's (if you know what we mean)]
The Photographer's Assistant (2004-02-02) [Monica joins Amanda at a
wedding photo shoot… and we have the first appearance of Glyph Language
(2004-02-13)]
Back in Wapsi Square (2004-03-08) [Shelly tosses an engine block – and
Heather consoles her; Shelly cuts her hair – and we find out about her Mom]
Can't Sleep (2004-04-07) [Code Red at Tina's! Tepoz realizes Monica's a glyph
reader; Kukulcan makes his lone appearance; Shelly meets Tepoz; we find out
one of the reasons why Monica went to a "rubber room" – talking to her (dead)
Gran Abuela (great grandmother), who taught her glyph.]
Owen Enjoys The Scenery (2004-06-04) [Lakshimi, Shelly, melting ice cream,
and "Muscle Butt Girl"]
Monica and Katherine at work (2004-06-18) [Monica sneezes her bra off – her
first "poit"? – and we learn M's 4'11"; Kath tries to fix her light and fails –
though her makeup needs work; ends with Amanda wanting "a flexible shower
head and a lock for the bathroom"]
Feeling Left Behind (2004-07-12) [Owen doesn't flinch; Shelly feels left
behind; we meet Lydia, M's custom bra maker]
Amanda's Photo Shoot Issues (2004-08-04) [Monica and Shelly help Amanda
with her "product shot" for a local winery; hair-brushing by Mom (2004-0818); Shelly gets dropped off the billboard; "Take The Party With You";
meanwhile Tina was learning about yoga from Jacqui]
Dietzel takes M for a Walk (2004-09-10) [Monica walks Dietzel, but other girls
pretend he's "their" dog; enter Kevin and Alan – and Kevin asks Monica out]
Monica and Kevin On A Date(2004-10-05) [Shelly plays M's "wing-girl" (don't
laugh at the reference, okay?), though she mistakes Jimmie's Reggae Bar for
Jimmy's BBQ; M and Kevin's first kiss!]
Tepoz the Sleep Doctor (2004-10-25) [Tepoz makes Monica some Mole with
Tequila; and another "poit" into M's stomach ("Those poor folks at the water
treatment plant…"); and entre the Golem Girls! (2004-11-04) – Bud, Brandi,
and Jin; they're more than they appear, though: glyph lights, attitude, and…
oops, she forgot about Dietzel!]
Jacqui Asks Shelly For Advice??? (2004-11-22) [Relaxing with Punk Rock
(and a brief view of Shelly's "inner workings" – and what's that Rabbit
insignia?]
The Second Date (2004-12-06) [Monica and Kevin's second date; Monica
comes home to a house full of Golem Girls! We see their aspects for the first
time – snake, panther, goat; "NO ESTOY LOCA COMO UNA CABRA!";
Monica summarizes it for Tina (No Way! You had a Date?!)]
The Hardest Person To Protect (2004-12-29) [Monica deals with lingering
doubt (and a view of M in a straitjacket)]
Tina Looks For The Silver Lining (2005-01-04) ["It's Snowing!"]
The Shadow Of Doubt (2005-01-10) [She threw herself in front of a bus in
Mexico; Doubt enters while Tepoz watches – and Monica wrangles with her
Head Demon; our first view of "astral fire"? (pardon the pun); The golems
meet Doubt – and Shelly and Monica commiserate at Daren's]<End of the first
Wapsi Square book.>
Katherine the Recluse (2005-02-07) [Oscar the Betta Fish; "I find the world is
a beautiful place, only in the tiniest details. They're fleeting as well. Too easily
pulled apart."]
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Owen and Lakshimi (2005-02-14) ["I think they broke the bed!"]
Heather and Shelly (2005-02-21) [Heather's "assailant" doesn't realize she's
packing; Shelly and Heather go off on a date – and we see Shelly's "basement"
(2005-03-23); Shelly seeks out Monica – and realizes she's "interrupting";
Monica suggests Shel should talk to Heather – and "busty momma hug!"]
The Next Morning (2005-04-12) [Jin intrudes in Monica's morning ("All she'll
see are rabbits"); Water conservation and listening to 80's music]
Spring Cleaning (2005-04-19) [Shelly, a rabbit, "that day"; Heather visits – and
the bowling ball drops! We meet Shelly's "little girl in the basement" – and
mom! Hospital stays aren't Shelly's forte; "Peanut Butter and Shelly"…]
Exercise and Monica (2005-05-10) [Monica Bounce! The first Latina to win
the Iditarod? Frozen Custard and Monica's "girlish figure"; Monica whines –
and Amanda calls her on it; Macroglossia? "He Lubbs My Tumb!"]
Doubt Visits With Jin (2005-05-31) [Bud "poits" Doubt into Jin; Doubt takes
advantage and we find out a bit about Jin's "Job Description" – and Jin's ex.]
Mixed Signals by Shelly (2005-06-14) [Shelly has to play receptionist; She
feels so frustrated – and so does Heather! Shel and Heather talk – and our
"bandit" re-enters the scene, only to discover Shelly's right hook; "I'll stay with
you because I'm your friend."]
Punk Yoga (2005-07-18) [Jacqui's new venture: a punk-rock themed yoga
studio! We meet Luci (whose tats are noticeable, even for a bespectacled
woman); "No poser, just poses."]
I Wish I Looked Normal (2005-08-01) [Georgette and Amanda; 'Jet's high
metabolism; Amanda and Monica's past]
Tina Rosario Aldaco Guzman (2005-08-15) [Tina reveals a bit about the shop –
a "drug cartel" supplier? That "weird stain in the bathroom"? Meanwhile,
Monica's feeling like a dork – but now it's about Katherine; Monica takes the
opportunity to ask Kath out for a drink!]
The Cloth of Yaxchilan (2005-09-02) [The Portal Cloth; 1479, the New World,
Bananas… and the Sun Stone! But Tepoz hides it somewhere "safer" – in Bud's
"storage jar"]
Did Any Of That Sink… (2005-09-16) [Katherine can hear Tepoz! A drink or
two at Daren's, and the two bond!]
An Adorable Drunk (2005-09-29) [The Golem Girls are all happy about
Monica letting them "guard" something? Tepoz tells her they walked Dietzel
for her! "I can walk my own dog!" Monica talks to Tina about her "pet
Chimera" – and Tina seems to know a lot about them (three parts of one cat).]
I Wish I Knew (2005-10-10) [The Story of the Golem Girls (or, at least, Bud's
Story); Kevin finds the three girls' "skeletons" in the basement wine cellar; Bud
barfs bananas, the fruit salesman; Bud hides the two other girls – and Monica
discovers the light is out in the cellar. Bud is down there by herself - and
Monica "activates" her memories. They're not pleasant: kidnapping, torture,
rape, killing… and Jin's role as the accidental abductee; "She gave up… we
didn't"; Monica consoles her – and "back to our regularly scheduled
program…" Monica has to deal with the three of them (and this is probably
where Jin "stole" the portal cloth); Monica uses her "powers" to keep Kevin
from asking questions (the Most Common Superpower)]
Processing the Chimera's Tale (2005-11-24) ["You had Grab-The-Headboard
sex last night, didn't you?" The bit of doubt: did Jin kill herself to try to stop
something? Tepoz was stuck as their "keeper" – but now that's Monica's job
(because of her Glyph-reading ability); Monica is not amused by this – the
Sphinx was a warning from 10,500 BCE! And Monica's stuck with them
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because when she "died", it was a loophole – she can control the three
Golems!]
Tepoz Talks To Shelly (2005-12-22) [Shelly's Vision Quest, and a moon-faced
rabbit (Tochtli!); we find out that Shelly nearly died (while Monica did die –
briefly) and the two of them are connected somehow; Shelly "was just looking
for answers about my mom." Her mom gave her four clay dolls – and one of
them looks suspiciously like Monica. "Keep being her friend."]
The Night Out (2006-01-24) [The Golems take Shel and Monica out clubbing;
"Ooooh, pooor baby. Are you lost?" (Key phrase for Shelly, by the way); The
next morning, Monica wakes up with Bud and Jin at her feet – and Shelly next
to her! Brandi brews coffee while Jin disappears – "How long have you known
Tochtli?" Shelly explains that it was Jin who "saved" her in the forest on her
vision quest; what are Jin's motives, anyways? Shelly gets back home – and
discovered Heather waiting for her!]
Borrow Your Boobs (2006-02-08) [Amanda needs Monica – for a photo shoot
with Georgette! The two commiserate about their looks – and their
metabolism! Poster Girl for "Georgette's" restaurant! We meet Jill, Georgette's
older sister and chef at the restaurant. "I can just be a normal pub girl!" (Note:
don't play darts with Georgette…)]
The Demons In Her Back Pocket(2006-02-27) [Monica's met by the GG's –
who've been watching Pretty In Pink again. They play slumber party – but
Monica catches them mid-fight; we're introduced to Anger, Hatred, Panic,
Fear… and Doubt – who knows Jin.]
Snow Job (2006-03-13) [Jin, meet Tepoz. Tepoz, meet Tochtli. Catch up, will
you? "You're not evil, Jin. You never were." The memories come back – she
destroyed most of the world, trying to save two girls. This is news to Bud and
Brandi. Monica guides them through the memories of being the Destroyer Of
Worlds; meanwhile, the snow came and dumped on MSP.]
The Clock Key (2006-03-27) [Tina's clock key is interestingly shaped –
looking all the world like one of Shelly's Kachina dolls; "You look like a ray of
sunshine today" – but a storm's coming…]
Lakshimi: Most Girly! (2006-04-03) [Lakshimi's "job" at her dad's construction
company – and her relationship with Owen]
Katherine's Plant Life (2006-04-10) [Kath takes her plants up to the rooftop
garden… where she meets the squirrels of Minneapolis (Tastes like chicken).]
Heather Meets Tina (2006-04-17) [Heather meets Vickie at Tina's – and she
has an admirer! Tina reads her aura easily: "Ice water?" We also discover that
Tina's dentition was because of her car accident… but Heather just wanted to
know "why your eyes are silver."]
Get a Job (2006-04-24) [Bud and Brandi go out and get jobs (They're talking
about work.) Monica and Jin have a lot in common; Jin snapped on the priests
– right in front of Bud and Brandi.]
Ghost Hunters! (2006-05-09) [Amanda and Monica's viewing vice; lights out!
Under the blankets! ORBS!]
Shelly's Missing Something (2006-05-16) [Tina thought Heather's outlook was
because of Shelly… Shelly goes to Jacqui's studio – and runs into Luci (That
friggin' little insect!)]
Bud Needs to Talk (2006-06-07) [Bud is woken by a bad dream – a dream of a
little girl, right before she was obliterated by the Chimera! Bud doesn't want to
be a monster anymore. "Your anger can hurt the ones you care about. The ones
that care about you." (What sage advice!) Shelly turns to Daren for some
advice – and Bud happens along (Acacia Budur). Jacqui stops in – and she
thinks Bud is Shelly's "girl"! Bud wants to try her hand at fixing things. Bud
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tells Monica about her day – and realizes how Shelly thought of her. This
doesn't make Brandi very happy – and she "visits" Shelly to discuss things.
"Just when you think you have your fear and anger under control… you can
surprise yourself." Who is that in her basement?]
When Jin Met Alan (2006-07-17) [Jin decides to go out on her own (after the
15,000th viewing of PIP), and her drinks still taste like gasoline. Alan plays the
antagonist – and therapist – and dance partner!]
Debriefing (2006-07-24) [Brandi tells Bud "Shelly's not mad at you" – and Jin
realizes she had "fun" with Alan! Bud teases Jin like a sister – and who had a
crush on Tepoz???]
Confusing People (2006-07-31) [Tina and Monica talk about their "cats"; "The
demon world is not built on logic. Logic will always fail you." Tina makes
Monica so enlightened and so ####### STUPID at the same time! Tina does
some self-talking to Kittie… and we discover more about her background: the
car accident that found her out cold. And then, the newspaper clippings (200608-10): "Young girl to testify against drug lord"; "Girl testifying, daughter of
notorious Drug Lord"; "Drug Lord's Daughter Dies In Car Crash"; "Extradition
process stalls"; "Mansion Blown Up in FBI Raid"; Body Disappears from
county morgue"; Drug Lord Evades Trial"; "Cute new coffee shop opens in
Wapsi Square"]
Monica's Guy (2006-08-14) [Monica cleans and listens to Thomas Dolby;
meanwhile, Kevin notices girls checking him out – and Bud tries on Monica's
8-ball shirt (without the same result); Bud answers the door – and Kevin
"notices" Bud! Monica makes a cover story – she's staying with her until she
can find a job and a place to live. Meanwhile, Bud decides to try inline
skating… and dents the sidewalk at the base of those stairs from way back
when! And that's when she meets Marcus P. Smooze, Ambulance Chaser! Bud
gets her revenge, though… And we get a "interlude" due to medical issues with
Paul's family]
Falling for Fall (2006-10-02) [Shelly breaks out the sweater – but realizes she
wants someone to snuggle with. After some cinnamon buns, she does her
workout (handstands with 150 lbs. of weight on her ankles???), and then
attempts to fake a "lost girl" with "dumb pretty boys".]
A Walk In The Park (2006-10-09) [Monica has razor issues before taking
Dietzel out for a walk in the park. Dietzel is worried about Lyme Disease – but
Monica doesn't get the charades. Mid walk around the lake – the snow falls! At
least Monica isn't the only one caught in the cold: "I can't feel my butt!" Tina:
"Do either of you plan ahead for possibly adverse conditions?" Meanwhile,
Bud is out on the beach by herself! And the girls find her… TOPLESS??? The
News Crew???]
Locked And Loaded! (2006-10-27) [Monica dresses up for Halloween: "Avast,
ye scurvy scoundrel! Prepare to be boarded!" It puts Kevin's Charlie Chaplin to
shame – and Katherine is dressed as Starbuck (from the rebooted BSG)???
Meanwhile, Jin was at her "own" little party… "Aw man, Kevin! You will
NOT believe the night I've had tonight!"]
The Bibliothiki (2006-11-06) [Bud stops over and makes coffee – and is
reading a book about Gilgamesh, king of Uruk. Brandi was the only one
interested in going to the Library (with Tepoz's help)… and Phix "watched" her
up there. Monica makes the fateful request: "Brandi, would you be able to take
me to the Bibliothiki?" POIT! And Phix's first words: "I smell a human." Phix
is introduced – Head Librarian and a Sphinx! And her riddle is obvious to
Monica: "Sunshine!" And for her first book checked out: Machine Before The
Sunstone.]
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Missing The Point (or is it "Poit"?) (2006-11-20) [Shelly's wondering about her
clay dolls; "It's possible to do good things and still be evil." Couldn't you just
see that you're being manipulated? And here's Monica with her "new" book! A
tug of war over wanting to see the cover, and PAF! Angry Monica is ANGRY!
A return to the library… And Phix points something out to Monica: "Why was
your friend so interested in the book?" One more time – and this time Monica's
landing leaves her ass-first. Monica asks the question of Shelly: "I have a statue
that looks just like the one on the cover of the book… I think it's supposed to
be you." Shelly isn't very trusting, but she does know her mom talked about
"Mesa Verde pictographs and something about Olmecs…" That might be
different than the cultures Monica is studying, but she's starting to wonder…
was it "a kind of witness protection program"? Not from the girls – from
"whoever Tepoz was hiding the girls from."]
Girls With Jobs (2006-12-18) [Bud got a job at a dance studio, while Brandi
works as an office manager. Jin's been off with Alan – and brooding about "her
last interview". Cut to a little scene where Jin suggests the "king" (see her
flashbacks from her first incident with Doubt) needed better protection…]
Christmas Sledding (2006-12-25) [Monica and Dietzel go sledding – and
Monica uses her poiting skills to get back home.]
The Kachina Dolls (2007-01-01) [Shelly can't read the book (it's in Glyph);
Monica can't figure out what the dolls are for (though they're pretty hard); then
Monica realizes – she's seen the one figurine before. Tina's clock key! The
sunstone is… a Clock! A calendar clock: days, hours, minutes, seconds. M's
built for comfort, not speed, so no Lara Croft adventures. Meanwhile, Amanda
wants to meet up with M at Daren's – and she asks about the "Antikythera" (the
predecessor for the time machine). Monica unfortunately spit-takes on
Amanda! The cynic still thinks Shelly's "an immature dumb-ass".]
Make That Call (2007-01-15) [Heather picks up the phone, and calls… Vicky!
Several glasses of wine later… Uhm, yeah. The next day, Tina remembers
everyone's orders by "reading their aura" – or is it just a really good memory?
Later, Shelly wanders in, and Shelly finds out that Heather was "all smiles".]
The Antikythera (2007-01-24) [Monica and Shelly attempt to read the book;
The sunstone is in a museum, but there's a working machine "still hidden
somewhere." (And thus begins our long trek onwards…) A "quantum
maintenance apparatus" – which is way above Monica's pay grade. Though
Monica sees it as a simple tool, Shelly sees it as a revolver in the dirt, picked
up by a chimp.]
Trust Me (2007-01-31) [Only one way to figure this out, and Shelly says the
magic word: "riddle". And Shelly gets her first "poit" trip – to the library. (In
retrospect, how hard do you think Phix had to hide her excitement in seeing
Shelly?) And Phix gives her… the Hammer of Middle C! (She doesn't know it
yet, of course.) It's the journey that's important, not the destination? Of course,
Phix did have a monstrous past (wall of skulls!).]<End of the book Demons In
My Back Pocket.>
Home Again (2007-02-12) [Monica's poiting skills leave something to be
desired. Tepoz realizes he said too much about "protecting" Monica.
Meanwhile, Shelly realizes she's part of the lunacy now, as she picks up the
hammer.]
No Time For Games (2007-02-20) [Luci's "Shelly Sense" is tingling; "What?! I
just got here!" Shelly decides to play the game – "Just let Jacqui know I'm here,
you little insect." Shelly just wanted to sign up for a meditation class – not a
"brain injury" (oh, her and Luci are in full fight mode…)]
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Finding her sunshine (2007-02-26) [While Kath waits for a new rooftop
garden, she has to get out and about – but it means digging her way to her car
(an older Volvo); then comes the Bjarni on ice joke. Kath's destination? Wapsi
Square Conservatory – an indoor garden!]
Working Golem Girls (2007-03-05) [How do two girls share one apartment:
Brandi uses Bud's "storage space". City-wide snow day (Brandi is working at a
print shop, apparently.) Brandi realizes they could find a new apartment – and
they can't go back to being guardians. Why? Because that "thing Monica gave
Bud" is gone. "There's nothing inside of you anymore. Whatever that thing
was, it's gone from under our noses."]
The Elf House at Lake Harriet (2007-03-12) [Monica goes to the "little Elf
House" – and runs into Georgette's sister! While Monica can't remember her
name, she mistakes Monica for "Rachel Velazquez!" And Monica finally
remember her name… "Jill Sundahl." (Editor's note: Paul Taylor's wife's
name? Sue Sandahl.)]
Adopted by a Cat (2007-03-19) [Amanda can't sleep, and a cat is making all
sorts of noise… a tiny little cat! And instead of being all cutesy, he just "marks
his territory" on Amanda. Meanwhile, as she's changing, he makes himself at
home in her studio.]
Bud's Problem (2007-03-26) [Acacia goes to Daren for a problem, and his
suggestion results in her ending up at Monica's door… "I lost something that
you gave me to protect for you." "But, I haven't given you anything." Bud
realizes it was all Tepoz. Monica asks Bud about "guarding any type of
machine"… A mica-lined room, with this smooth surface wall… "I never
guarded the Calendar Machine… You're scaring me." Monica is a bit scared,
because of the Sun Stone. The four of them and Tepoz were hid in a temple in
Yaxchilan. Bud tries to discourage Monica from continuing – using a bit of
trickery with her plasma breath. "If I hadn't been murdered 12,000 years ago,
we never would have met. Funny, huh?" And meantime, Monica's frustration
grows again as the book goes PAFF! Meanwhile, Brandi asks how things went
with Monica; when Bud tells her, she comments how it doesn't make sense.
"Which part of our existence has ever made any sense?"]
Who Let The Demons Out (2007-04-12) [Tina's a little concerned about
Monica… it's probably because of her demon entourage! (Vanity, Panic,
Doubt, and Lust) Monica puts blame where blame's due – Doubt was
responsible for the death of "that woman" who ran into the back of the bus that
Jin stopped with her body. Monica was 14 at the time – and Doubt asks the
obvious: who was she? Monica realizes, though – she didn't kill her. Monica
tries to put them all in their place – a team of advisors, and she's their "queen"!
Lust and Vanity have their way with Monica – while Doubt complains they're
stealing her prey! Doubt had tried to kill Monica several times… but that's her
job – "a necessary evil." Panic, though, hears someone coming – and does a
cannonball into Monica! Doubt goes in with a "kiss" for her queen… and in
comes Bud. Meanwhile, it's Alka-Seltzer time. Bud thought she heard
talking… "I was… 'occupied.'"]
Selenium (2007-04-30) [Amanda got drooled on by her new flat-mate – who
doesn't apparently like cream. But, he does have one thing: ADAMANTIUM
KITTY CLAWS! Amanda has an idea for that – the room with old records!
SCHINK! Amanda decides to keep the cute kitty – much to her chagrin.]
Tina's Secret (2007-05-07) [Tina noticed that Monica was there "by herself"…
oops! Do personal demons have their own agendas and motives? What if you
weren't speaking metaphorically? What if, say, someone's personal demons
opened a coffee shop? And what if they did it… separate from the woman in
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question? Who? What? WE? And the Punchline is – Monica knows the answer.
(She DOES?) Tina 1.0 smashed her face on the wheel and windshield, and the
demons tried to tell her to "get up" – but no one answered. "All this time I've
been buying coffee from a ####### ZOMBIE!" Not a zombie, but "A
conglomerate of emotional and psychological elements with an entrepreneurial
spirit!" Suddenly, it becomes clear: A woman with long dark hair dusting
herself off, and Monica was checked-out in a demolished flower stand… and
Monica's demons remember it all! Monica, though… "I'm still in here…"
Monica doesn't have answers, but… Jin would. Monica tries to figure out how
to contact Jin – but Jin contacts Monica – and HARD. Protector and assassin.
"I will never knowingly lie to you… whether you want me to or not." The dots:
Jin had been keeping an eye on both her and Muscle Girl (Shelly). She had to
let Tina be the "random casualty" that day. Monica's demons, though, are bit
too dangerous to take the helm of Monica's "ship" – which includes controlling
the chimera. "You cannot die in emotional turmoil." The demons can make her
stronger – but they also can "shred you from the inside out." Shelly? She had a
bad vision quest – and Jin didn't get there "soon enough". She saw her anima (a
rabbit – oh, how convenient, Tochtli!), and became a walking doorway. (Keep
that one in mind for later, kids.) This was a corporate screwup, according to
Jin.]
Cerberus Club (2007-05-30) [Jin's feeling quixotic, as she meets up with Alan
at the club; "If you tell someone the truth by leaving out details, is that the
same as lying to them?" Sounds like she doesn't want to get hurt. Alan's got
some truth of his own – he really likes her a lot. Jin, however, doesn't want the
sentence finished. Not because she's afraid he'll hurt her: "I'm afraid of hurting
you." Like bad past relationships? More like dangerous, as in "you wouldn't
know what happened". Do YOU want me to stay? "Yes." "Good. You're stuck
with me, then."]
Questions, Answers, More Questions (2007-06-11) [Tina's conglomerate
wakes up to the alarm – one of the lone times we see Tina "sleep"); Monica
wants to know more about who "Tina 1.0" was previously – and Shelly
overhears. Tina had some diaries that were written in "some kind of weird
gibberish." That sets off Monica's internal alarm! "The lady at the Minneapolis
library called it 'shorthand.'. I was hoping you could read it!" Monica runs
away – and we have a ten-years-ago flashback: Monica doesn't want to listen to
the voices in her head anymore – and ends up stopped in front of a bus. And all
of a sudden – JIN! Bam! Header into the flower stand, and Jin realizes "the girl
in the car is going to die… you selfish little bitch… What the hell were you
running from?" Monica's unavailable, mostly because she's kinda dead. Jin's
mom trusted Monica… she can't lose her. "You're not dead. Go back to your
body… You should never run from the voices in your head. That's how you
give them power."
With Friends Like This (2007-06-22) [Meanwhile, Shelly's left outside as
Monica makes a beeline for Phix. Jin takes the time to enter stage right… and
Shelly ponders why "gods and demons enjoy treating humans like their own
private ant farms". Jin wouldn't know, she's neither. Shel doesn't trust Jin as far
as she can throw her. Jin spills the truth: she lost her mother to the Calendar
Machine. Jin starts crying, and holding Shelly… just as Heather shows up. Jin
gets her laughs out of this… as Shelly breaks away to talk to Heather. Tina,
meanwhile, is a bit clueless. Shelly finds out about Vickie: a "type-A financial
advisor." Shelly starts to wonder if she's right for anyone – and if she can get
her head out of her butt. Jin, meanwhile, plays devil's advocate – and Shelly
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turns on her. Which is exactly what Jin wanted to hear: "Keep proving me
wrong."]
How She Did It (2007-07-09) [Monica didn't realize there was another glyph
reader – but she thinks it's Tina. Nope: it was Jin – the girl who "saved you
from being hit by a bus." Tina? Hah! "Jin's mother was one of the Time
Keepers of Lanthis. She's the one who designed the Calendar Machine." They
couldn't grow old, but they could still die. And Jin's mother is being protected
by Jin – by protecting Monica. She was the one who taught Monica Glyph
language – by accessing her doorway and disguising herself as her "great
grandmother". (Give that girl a cookie!) "It's not for any of us to discount the
level of importance that others see in us." Meanwhile, Monica's return poiting
is still… bumpy. Monica realized it was just regular shorthand, and fills in
Shelly about Jin's relationship to the Calendar Machine. "We're the doorways
for Jin's mom to communicate with her daughter." And, on 18 July 2007, we
have our first reference to "2012". Monica, though, doesn't plan on dying
anytime soon. The calendar has started over 56 times already – and Jin's the
only one who doesn't change with the start-over. And it starts over at the time
Jin's mom disappears. Are Shelly and Monica the final pieces of the puzzle?
Meanwhile, Tina likes how she feels around Shelly and "Sunshine"… though
her conglomerate disagrees.]
Katherine Steps Out (2007-07-24) [Kath's garden was a success! Her tomatoes
were gorgeous! (And she has a filthy-minded betta fish!) Kath wishes she
could be sexy.. and realizes she's comparing tomatoes to coconuts when it
comes to Monica. She decides to take Oscar with on a beach excursion to
Calhoun Beach. She is a bit preoccupied with "being exposed" (keep that in
mind for MUCH later), and is wearing sunscreen the consistency of correction
fluid. Meanwhile, as Kath ran into the water, a muscle boy playing volleyball
got distracted – and the ball lands on Oscar's bowl! After a small mis-step, the
guy admits to his distraction! She tells Monica, who's overjoyed! (Actually,
Kath was too stunned to talk.)]
Monica Overdrive (2007-08-07) [Kevin's in for it… And he realizes it.
Monica's kinda "sexually bossy." Alan doesn't see the problem. Kevin explains:
Monica shows her stress by getting more aggressive – mostly in the bedroom!
Kevin doesn't see it as work stress – M's more at home at work than at home.
"Sounds like she needs to date a spa." Kevin wants to talk to Monica about
what's going on, and how it's affecting them… and Doubt suddenly has a huge
arsenal! Monica explains that it's "a project that… I can't… shouldn't really talk
about." Kevin thinks it's her workplace, and workplace politics… and that
triggers something in Monica. Immortal politicians! It clears things up –
without clearing anything up. ("You did say politicians.") And in the end…
"Yes, I'm well aware that's what you wanted to do in the first place!"]
Meditation and Missed Friendships (2007-08-27) [Jacqui's impressed at how
Shelly's doing with meditation – and then she mentions "monsters locked
inside you". (Think "little girl" – and the "doorway" comment of Monica's…)
Shel's more worried about the negative energy she's throwing at life. And that's
just the time when Jin comes and offers her chin as a target. Shelly tired of
being pawn in game of Jin's life. And Jin doesn't want to be part of her life,
either. That's fine with Shelly – and she points out that Jin doesn't even care
about anyone, or anything – and the feeling is mutual. Jacqui was confused
over the exchange – so much for meditation! She wasn't releasing negative
energy; she was using it as a whip and ball and chain. Shelly wasn't trying to
make people hate her – but as for Jin? "She needs to hate you. She can't get
close to you this time… She can't be my friend again."]
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The New Apartment (2007-09-10) [Brandi points out to Bud that she can
decorate her own room now. Bud's just used to making do with what's around
her – but she decides to act human – and that means IKEA! She comes home
with her new purchase – a lamp. And what it reminds her of is the lamp beside
the hearth at her home back in Lanthis. Some discussion about trust over hot
chocolate – though the "fitting into society" part is a bit elusive for Bud. But
she's just as misfit as everyone else… of course, popping corn with her bare
hands? (Apparently, Amenhotep IV found this interesting.) And what about her
dentition? Oversized cuspids?]
More Mature In The Fall (2007-09-24) [Shelly ponders maturity, zits on her
nose, and bad clothing choices. The last one, with Monica? Shelly falls into a
habit. A sexy nun with a yardstick! It is, after all, the weeks leading up to
Halloween; the sexy nun costume screams politics and religion, and adds to
Shel's attention grabbing nature. A couple of costume changes (sexy devil and
Big Busty Cheerleader; leopard girl – oh, the irony! – and Busty Bar Maiden),
they come up with their costume for Daren's party.]
Existentialism and Coffee (2007-10-08) [Monica asks about Tina's existence –
and realizes that Tina's intentionally being obtuse about it. As for sleeping?
"Does lying still count?" It's the Halloween season: "You don't believe in
ghosts, and yet, I'm a walking, talking ghost story." Tina likes to think of
herself as a friend and a good person – "Not the monster that I see in the
mirror. She doesn't make good coffee!" (Juxtaposed with the "Have A Good
Day!" on the specials board behind her…) The empty eye sockets scare
Monica, but her demons don't – so why should Tina frighten her? Tina the
Anomaly thinks Monica's cool – and she'll get over it. Tina does leave a bit of
cynicism – they'll never understand what's up with her – but don't let anyone
know! And as Monica decides to accept things as they come – GLOMP! Hello,
snow! Monica also chickens out in trying to show Kevin how she can "poit" –
by using that tongue of hers!]
Pumpkins and Parties (2007-10-22) [Amanda and Monica go shopping for
pumpkins; holidays that let you be scared silly? (You ever been at MOA during
the Christmas shopping season?) Monica finds her perfect pumpkin – and gets
teased by Amanda for being a pumpkin eater! Meanwhile, Tepoz isn't keen on
seeing Monica with a knife. Unfortunately, the pumpkin doesn't get the chance
to be carved, as a squirrel decides to munch down on it! Daren's words of
wisdom: Beer and a shepherd's pie will make her forget! And as for the
costume party? She's coming with Shelly! Monica's costume: the jungle
explorer. Shelly? Football player – without the jersey and helmet! Daren is
Robin Hood, Alan is the good English Schoolboy (think Angus Young from
AC/DC) – and Kevin's the lion (that's being tamed by Monica). And what's
Jin? The English school marm, of course…]
A Day In Bud's Life (2007-11-05) [Brandi is trying Wheatgrass Tea, and Bud's
not impressed. Bud's more concerned about her noodle-looking arms and her
mousy blonde hair. She gets so frustrated that she turns her apple into a
diamond. She needs coffee so she doesn't flatten the earth – so Brandi suggests
that coffee shop that Monica goes to. But, when Bud shows up… she sees Tina
as she really is – demonic form and all! Meanwhile, Tina can't figure out why
Bud has no aura, and it freaks her out enough where she gets clumsy – and
coffee all over Bud's face! Tina freaks out into full Blackwing mode: "You
don't understand! I'm not to cause physical harm to anyone! Let me help you!"
And that's when Bud says the magic word: "Monica told me not to listen to
things like you!" Tina suddenly recovers when she hears that. Bud tells her
demons are to be ignored. Tina points out that "I was only a danger to Tina in
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an advisory role." Tina figures it out: "you must be part of Monica's 'pet cat'."
Bud's a bit confused – Tina's creepy, but not evil. Bud just wants her coffee by
this point, though. They both have a ton of questions they'd rather not have
answered – but that's an understatement. And that's just when Monica walks in.
Monica was worried Bud would frighten Tina – when it was the other way
around! This gets Bud upset enough to create a diamond from her coffee cup.
Acacia finds out she has a solo "formal social dance" client after her morning
class. Bud's a bit snippy – and her boss (Joanne) picks up on her lack of coffee.
The old ladies in her dance class love how she makes them feel – not realizing
how much younger they are compared to Bud! And that solo client? KEVIN!
He wants to learn formal dance so he can dance with her at the museum's
Christmas party. Bud tries to avoid the physical touch part, but Kevin promises
not to step on her toes. Monica's a lucky girl. Bud gets home, and Brandi…
"Dirty Dancing" on TV! "If I thought you said that on purpose, I'd vaporize the
TV, but then I'd have to buy a new one."]
A Shelly Wahnee Christmas (2007-12-10) [Shelly goes out to get a real tree –
after realizing her artificial "piece of crap" looked too Charlie Brownish. And
forget about cutting her own. That's when she realizes they have "mummified
trees." But when she brings it home: POOF! Shelly breaks out the ornaments –
and the corn husk angel that she made with mom!]
Guest Strips, Part 1 (2007-12-17) [A pre-Christmas installment of guest strips
from Wes Molebash, Tyler Page, Katie Cook, R.K. Milholland, Jessica
Hickman, and Spike from Templar, AZ]
A Visit From Phix (2007-12-24) [Monica's tipsy from the Christmas party –
but discovers she has a house guest: Phix! She gets a full copy of the Book for
her own – and a note about who the author is: Jin. "It's all the poems to help her
remember her mother's teachings." Even though she lost it, the library still gets
a copy. Jin had been turned into a golem after the calendar had been moved to
the Americas – as had her mom. She became a golem, took control of the
calendar machine away from the Lanthian priests, and ran. Meanwhile, her
prodigy – Jin – went to stop the priests from making Golems (and the Chimera)
– but her boyfriend sold her out (see WAY BACK in 2005). Those that
witnessed the Calendar Machine starting were the "clean-up crew" – who
became the immortal politicians Monica learned about back in August of 2007.
Monica is the gateway to her mom, the last one to have talked to her, and – she
controls the Chimera. Monica, however, has apparently learned something
about her poiting skills – Bra removal! (At least she didn't have to sneeze this
time.)]
Shelly's New Career (2008-01-07) [Shelly wants to do something new – and
Tina's already skeptical. Shelly wants to become a personal trainer – because
she loves working out! People just come to her and ask her to help them (Tina,
the prescient one: "Maybe they're just hitting on you.") Is this something she
wants, or is she feeling obligated to do it? Her music theory degree didn't help
her much – but she wants to do this! "That's the first time I've ever heard you
speak passionately about anything. Best of luck."]
Next Customer (2008-10-14) [Bud walks in – and she's liking Tina's coffee,
even if Tina hates not being able to read her. She knows what most people need
before they do – and in comes Monica, who suggests psychoanalysis.
Suddenly: "Take Monica, for instance. She's making a sarcastic jab at an
institution that she feels wrongly incarcerated her, subjected her to verbal drills,
shock therapy, and numerous invasive…" THAT'S ENOUGH, TINA! And
Tina had never knew that before! Meanwhile, Bud has to go out to clean up –
while Tina is still clueless. Bud catches up to her – "you forgot your hat."
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Monica felt exposed by that – but not as upset as the snowplow made her feel.
Monica's a bit scared of everything because it's out of her hands – something
Bud's familiar with. "You need to make your own sunshine, Princess." (And
she did sneak in an "After-School Special".)]
Jin's Demons (2008-01-28) [Jin can't understand why people live in a land of
ice and snow. Jin thinks things will be fixed this time around – and her demons
come out to pester her. "Monica is more fun anyway! You actually want to kill
yourself." They're not paying her enough for this… (Meanwhile, in the
background? It's that tapestry from the museum!) She overhears Bud's words
and wonders if she can get some "positive wisdom-nuggets.]
The Power of Pretty Underwear (2008-02-04) [Monica decides to fight
depression by making a call to Lydia's: Sunflower prints with cheerful colors!
"Pretend I'm walking on the beach in a bikini." Unfortunately, she turns on the
Bikini Power on her boss! Something about the Yaxchilan artifacts. And this
must be how she makes her own sunshine!]
Brandi the Fly Hunter (2008-02-11) [Brandi didn't get the concept about
flushing flies down the toilet – Bud's just glad she hasn't found any mice yet!
(long pause by Brandi) A discussion over coffee about their past lives as
guardians – and how a "young Pam Grier" could play Brandi. It wasn't a job,
though – it was slavery. Bud asks Brandi to make "that face" – And we
apparently have some sort of Noodle Incident at the Pyramid of the Moon…
Meanwhile, Tina and Monica make up – and Monica thinks her "pet cat" is
learning to respect herself.]
Artifact Studies (2008-02-19) [Kath finds out she's to examine a cloth from a
Yaxchilan Temple (probably what her boss wanted to do with Monica). A
fragment? It looks better than some of Kath's clothes! "Assemble a team to
study the three tunics." Kath has a doctorate! She can do this! "MONICA!! I
need HELP!" Monica tries to help Kath figure out who to bring on the team…
Kath has this romantic notion that the Egyptians traveled to the New World.
Monica understands some people think the Egyptians became the Olmecs – but
that's just a wild theory. "Don't you ever daydream of finding something
outside of the history books?" "I daydream about advancing enough in this
field so I don't have to ever daydream about anything." Meanwhile, Kath stops
at Daren's for a beer and a shot of vodka. She ends up getting advice – making
Monica think she thought of the idea!]
Lanthian Blues (2008-03-06) [Monica interrupts Dietzel's game of jacks to
muse over the tunics. They appear to have come from Egypt, but they're older
than any known New World civilization (pre-Abrahamic times, by the way).
No way that anything could show where it comes from. "Nothing show it was
ever at Lanthis." (And Monica realizes what she just said: ATLANTIS!!!!)
What a great way to get written off as a nut – and a nut with big jugs. Dietzel
suggests calling in sick, but Monica decides to just "play dumb" over the whole
thing. Except for one thing – THE PORTAL CLOTH! Monica decides there's
only one way to go – whiskey and ice cream. And after emptying the bottle,
who should appear at the door but death… no, that's Katherine! URP! BARF!
Monica tells Kath that she has some physical proof that there's a connection
between the tunics and the old world… and this instantaneously frightens
Katherine. Kath returns home, forlorn, while Monica is overhung…]
Dietzel's Weekend (2008-03-26) [When Monica wakes, she asks Dietzel if he
wants to go for a drive… and get some pizza? ZOOM! BEEP BEEP! Dietzel
had a bad experience when he was a puppy with sticking his head out the
window. Monica apparently ordered anchovies on her pizza – and she marvels
that Dietzel loves menudo (the dish, not the band).]
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The Missing Tapestry (2008-03-31) [Neither M nor Kath are looking forward
to Monday (apparently, Kath is allergic to strawberries). Monica hopes she's
doing the right thing (and Jin is occupied otherwise right now…). Both of them
were up all night. They go to the vault, open the case, and… "It's empty."
Monica goes into full Panic mode! The museum was the last to touch the
item… but if word got out? Suddenly, Tepoz's ears are ringing. POIT! "Hey!
This is Monica's office *GURK*" TALK. Tepoz gets the fly tape torture: he
hid the cloth in Bud – WITHOUT telling Monica. It's a doorway between here
and Egypt. The other end is in a market – which he hides in the open. "That's
nice… But Bud lost it." Only those who teleport can use it – but Monica's more
concerned about being ARRESTED! The cloth is needed for one reason: you
need to know where you're going before you can poit – and how far to get
there. Tepoz didn't know Kath was part of this "adventure" – but Monica felt
like she had to share. And while they're distracted, Tepoz poits himself out of
there – and to the place where he suspects the tapestry is located. Meanwhile,
Kath takes the opportunity to look back in the vault for clues… or just run to
the ladies' room to BAAARF?]
Hammers, Tapestries, and Tattoos (2008-04-23) [Meanwhile, Shelly's heading
towards her new job as a personal trainer! And as she contemplates telling
Monica, she digs out the hammer. She hits it against the wall – and Middle C
comes out! Does this mean her music theory classes mean something? Time to
talk to Monica… Jin, on the other hand, is contemplating how much she and
Shelly are alike. She's been liking the "distraction" that Alan's been providing –
just as Tepoz poits in. Tepoz points out that the Tapestry is hanging on the wall
behind her. Shelly heads over to Monica's office – and finds Katherine doing
some inspection. Shelly points out the hammer – and Kath gets all geeked out
about it being a chasing hammer! Monica tells Shelly that Kath is "in on the
secret". Meanwhile, Tepoz and Jin get into a "family" argument, and Jin
decides to put the cloth somewhere "no one can touch it!" Shelly is just about
to say how she doesn't want to be part of all this anymore when… POIT! The
face is gone from the Tapestry… because it's now on Shelly's body! "You're
like a walking relic now!" (Katherine. That's not helping us.) Shelly's thinking
more of how Dad's gonna kill her because of the attention seeking – which
blows Katherine's mind.]
A Punk at Punk Yoga (2008-05-19) [Luci is "resigned to the fact" that Shelly's
working there. Luci is also concerned that Shelly will mess up what SHE's
worked hard to attain. Luci can't stand Shelly – because "she bumbles through
life and gets rewarded for it!" She makes a comment about "puissant tattoos"
and Shelly… oh boy. Guess who walks in with "new ink"? Shelly doesn't think
her "tattoo" is much of a metaphor. "It's mostly ancient symbolism that shows
and old connection between Egypt and the New World…" Luci is not
impressed. Jacqui tries to smooth things over – but Luci still wonders where
she got inked. "On my front side!" Luci apparently was a juvie hall graduate –
and she's not going to let Shelly bother her. Not even when she gets her shoe
stuck in the toilet.]
Brandi, Bud, Bikinis at the Beach (2008-06-02) [Time to go to the beach at
Lake Calhoun! Body issues come back out for Bud. Bud looks good in her
bikini, though. Brandi wants Bud to lather some sunscreen on her. "Why? We
can't burn." It's for the guys who are watching. (Talk to me like I'm 3.) This is
from the same girl who'd dry hump anything when she was drunk? Bud goes to
get some ice cream – and it starts melting… and Bud has to lick it up… "All
the guys are watching me…" Bud doesn't want to be sexy! She just wants to be
like Monica! (What?) At least it's not the worst that she's blown up…]
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Tepoz Comes Clean (2008-06-16) [Monica wants to take Dietzel over to the
beach – but is interrupted by Tepoz (hat in hand – we didn't know he was bald
under that headdress!). Jin moved the cloth – but the headdress looks better on
Dietzel. Tepoz is just as much a "foot soldier" as Monica, but she doesn't want
him to go behind her back. And that's when the conversation turns: There's
more to it than "just help fix the Calendar Machine" – Jin finally gets to age
again when the Calendar is reset. She'll go back to who she was when the
calendar was first started. This means that Monica "takes her place"… right?
(well, kinda.) "Immortality and riches. With a purgatory price tag. Hmmm, let
me think about that." Tepoz actually has to thank Monica for finding Jin – the
priests kept looking for an 18-year old girl – and as Tochtli, she was hiding in
plain sight as a boy! Tepoz was actually "made" to be a caretaker (he
"weaseled" into the job). Tepoz says the magic words: "You're not some naïve
push-over." But she is the only 'evil' she needs to worry about. This makes
Doubt more than happy. Tepoz was left in the dark – literally – after the
Calendar Machine fiasco. He didn't know about the Golems until several
hundred years later. Meanwhile, Tepoz realizes Monica is having a hard time
holding herself together. Good thing Jin never had Monica's glyph language
training…]
Clubbing With Demons (2008-07-09) [Monica's demons were still in full song
as she walks into Tina's; Tina wrangles her way into a "Girl's Night Out" with
Monica! Monica makes some calls – Shelly wants a "break from all this
supernatural crap!" (Uh… yeah…) Bud poits in – and Monica breaks the bad
news to Bud she "inadvertentlyinvitedacoveyoffreerangedemons… how's my
hair?" Bud's not thrilled with the concept. "Freak of Nature" and "Monstrosity
of Man" concerned her? A FRIEND? You have a funny way of showing it!
Jealous? "As if I need someone to argue with over something stupid!" Shelly:
"Don't knock it, babe! That's how Mon and I got started!"]
Interlude: When Shelly Met Monica (2008-07-21) [Flash back to many, many
years ago (okay, about 10 years or so): Jacqui was talking to "some dork" – and
she knows the owner. "Go talk to her. It's called networking. She won't bite
you." "So, are those jugs real or what?" It just gets worse from there… or does
it? Nah… Shel gives her crap: "So, are they real or what?" The "banter hasn't
gotten much higher up the food chain – just diversified a bit." That's when Bud
sees Shelly's tattoo… "It ain't a boob-job if that's what you're thinking!"]
Tina In Da Club (2008-07-28) [The cab isn't coming – so it's time to poit to
Cerberus Club (thanks to Bud) – and no one saw them. Except, of course, said
covey of free-range demons – in full war paint! Bud gets the creeps again –
Shelly, meanwhile, thinks Bud just sees some of herself in Tina. Tina catches
on Shelly's wisdom – even as she and Bud are doing triple shots! Tina really
doesn't mean to scare Bud – but Bud doesn't understand the whole "not hurting
people" thing. The only person Tina was allowed to "misguide"? Already dead.
But killing someone outright? Time would stop. Talking to them, however…
(Gee, that's a healthy outlook.) Tina's words have more influence than a
human's – and meanwhile, all Tina does is say "have a nice day!" as she hands
out coffee. So people should be forced to do things as long as it's for their own
good? (Bud's losing the argument – and her empty glass might have something
to do with that.) Tina (as we already know) isn't out to hurt anyone – but Bud
wouldn't have trusted her if she'd told her what she wanted to hear! (Aside:
we've seen two of Tina's "demon faces" in this arc.) As for a discussion of evil
– Bud and Tina get to grinding on the dance floor! (Who's the evil one here,
Sweets?)]
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Guest Strips, Part 2 (2008-08-11) [Strips from Scott Christian Sava, Ryan Sias,
Giz & Dave Zerol, Trudy Cooper, and David Reddick (Note: one guest strip
came on 2008-09-17: Ryan Estrada)]
The Aftermath (2008-08-18) [Monica wakes up overhung – and apparently
poited Shelly into bed with her. And is that… KEVIN? And with one poit –
POOF! Shelly wakes up – and Monica's in panic mode! Monica apparently
went on a "missing Kevin" trip before she crashed – which meant that she
drunk-poited him into bed! Wait a minute… where's Bud? Done in by a dozen
Cosmos and a bottle of Tequila. Bud crawls over to look at the clock, thinking
it's Shelly… but it's KEVIN! Scream and COVER! "HOW… HOW…HOW
DID YOU GET IN HERE?" "I…I…I DON'T KNOW!" "DID… Did we…?
You know?" "GEEZE! I HOPE WE DIDN'T!" Kevin left the tap with Alan –
alone. Bud knows that she didn't come home with him. "So, what were you
doing in my bed?" "Sleeping. I'm concerned a bit more with how I got there…"
Bud puts two and two together: "Look, how much do you love Monica? (Don't
you get any dumb ideas! I thought you were her friend!) <innocent smile>
Who, me? I'm just a naked girl in your home. You could easily have sex with
me! I wouldn't tell a soul. (NO! You need to leave! NOW!) <toothy smile>
That's the answer I was looking for. Time to take you down the rabbit hole."
And, with one well-timed poit: Bud returns! "Boy, that was close! I can't
believe that you sent me along with your boyfriend like that!" Bud plays
innocent, but then lays the trap: "But you knowing the ancient custom of
princesses sharing their harem with their guardians. I'm just so touched!"
Monica's suddenly in confused mode. Ancient matriarchal laws, testing her
loyalty against the demon barista – the "hydra" that she needed to overcome to
prove worth! And Kevin… "just some guy to, (evil pause) share?" SHARE?
Monica starts tearing up – "I don't 'share' people that I love!! Got it?!!" "Have
you told him, that you love him?" "I shouldn't have to. He should know."
(point) "Turn around and tell him." HOW COULD YOU? (Sign time: "nothing
happened you have a secret?" And… Kevin offers to talk about it over coffee.
And as they exit, Shelly notices something: "WHERE THE HELL IS MY
TATTOO?!" Bud's got this: it's just in lock mode at the moment. And with the
unlock code… Out comes TINA! "You guys! I've been stuck in a boiler room
with a creepy little girl and I'm late for work!" Monica's poit logistics leave
much to be desired – though Bud likes seeing "that smug bitch run off in a
panic" Shelly didn't like the feeling of someone emerging from her midsection,
though. Meanwhile, Tina outruns M and Kevin to the shop – and Kevin has no
idea what kind of an adventure he's in for! (Just don't call her 'undead'. You'll
hurt her feelings.)]
Kevin is Debriefed (2008-09-12) ["Oh! I get it! Lanthis, Atlantis!" <End of the
book The Timekeeper's Daughter> Kevin is trying to make light of the
situation, but he points something out: "Why wait until 2012 to fix the calendar
machine?" The thought never crossed M's mind, actually. The journey is
important – but is it more "being ready"? Kevin hasn't run off – that's good.
"He's either a very loyal guy or he's an incredible fatalist." (Don't get any funny
ideas. He belongs to me.)]
Shelly Is A Doorway (2008-09-22) [A "locked doorway". How special. No one
can go through without knowing the glyph spell – but the "other way"? Bud
suddenly realizes where the bananas came from! Tepoz hid the thing in her,
and then made her believe she LOST it! Bud gets a grip: Anyone trying to
come into the gate without her permission gets stuck in the boiler room with
"Creepy Girl". And what's this got to do with resetting the calendar machine?
"Why would we need to do that?" Shelly de-briefs Bud as to what she knows:
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"All this time, I've been guarding the machine that was broken by one of its
creators, only so her daughter can fix it moments before it loops?" Bud
suddenly gets the same idea as Kevin – why wait until 2012? Shelly asks Bud
about Phix: She was the lucky one whose riddle got answered by a human
(we'll find out about that later). Her punishment was limbo in the library. Bud
isn't sure what the machine and the dolls have to do with each other – but parts
of the machine "vibrate to make it work". The only way to get into the
machine's location was to poit in and out – which means it still must be at
Teotihuacan. Keep Monica in the dark – so she doesn't miss out on "great nextlevel-of-the-relationship" sex! (If we get this wrong, we're all screwed!)]
Jin's Sticky Notes (2008-10-06) [Meanwhile – Alan has cold feet! A kiss
farewell for the morning – and quiet demons as Jin actually gives a crap about
her life. Jin poits in as Bud leaves her talk with Shelly; Bud's not in the mood,
though. "In all the times that I've done this, this will be one of the few times
we'll be working together." Bud prefers to think of it as having kicked Jin's ass
a few times. Apparently, in past times, Bud didn't want to have anything to do
with "cracking a timed safe." Does this mean there's no "contamination risk"?
Or is that just her feeling like a lab rat? (Pardon me if I feel like I've lost all my
friends…) Truth is, Jin's spent so much time keeping track of all the lost pieces,
she "can't remember what the pieces do or what the calendar looks like." So – a
sticky note? (Well, no… but yeah.) This gives Bud a chance to be obtuse with
her boss: "Diametric. I can either be something disposable or someone with
strong purpose and meaning."]
Brandi's Book (2008-10-16) [Meanwhile, Brandi's catching leaves with her
brand new library book. Science Fiction. A story about using mirrors and
wormholes to avert a time paradox. And the author is… "Brandilyn Oduya…
That's me." "Hello, Brandi. Back so soon?" Brandi's not sure why she wrote the
book – and she'd rather have one of Phix's riddles. That's when Phix drops two
bombshells: Brandi has the perfect idea to fix the calendar machine – and that
"you've repeated the last 1,450 years, give or take a year, fifty-six times." See,
Jin is the only one aware of the 56 resets – and she's been having Brandi and
company help her through the years. And Brandi now can take a "fresh look at
your book from previous times." (that's like… homework!) Brandi's able to
remember everything – when she's calm. And she needs to be close to Monica
– to convince her "to do something she doesn't want to do." (dun-dunDUNNNN!) Monica needs to follow instructions, or else "we can just have this
conversation in another 1,450 years!" Monica runs into Brandi – and Brandi
does the math: 1,450 multiplied by 56… ouch. Monica warns Brandi about
Tina – just as Tina is getting ready to wind her clock! Brandi, however, notices
the key. Brandi realizes it looks familiar… and presses something on the underside. SHHINK – the key part comes off and it becomes a SHANK! Tina was
holding them in her house, and she had no idea the key was… THAT! Brandi
asks for the "shank" and handle part, while Tina can keep the key part. Monica
notices the similarity to one of Shelly's dolls. Monica thinks Brandi's been
reading Jin's book – but it's not that one Brandi's reading. She "only just
learned the calendar needs fixin'." And here Monica thought she was the only
one being kept in the dark! Brandi thinks it over alone: every other time, she
apparently did something wrong. Whatever the "right" thing is, it must be
something difficult intellectually or morally. She realizes right away she's had
it in her possession before (out come all the leaves!); she pages ahead to see if
there's an answer – and there is: "DON'T CHEAT!" Meanwhile, Tina's feeling
a bit lost without the key… but she uses the "cover" part to wind her clock,
anyways.]
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Hammer and Dolls (2008-11-17) [Bud's got Vietnamese to have a working
supper! (You are totally channeling Monica now, aren't you?) A once-over of
the four dolls and the hammer – common Lanthian tchotchkes, decorative
figures; the hammer's just a jeweler's hammer. But at least the Banh bao's
yummy! Bud's got an idea: lights out, flashlight on the dolls, hammer against
Bud's head… and "ancient disco-ball!" The dolls are compressed diamonds!
"Overlapping the refracted light from the same light source through all the
dolls" is important… and it's all done with mirrors, of course.]
In Harm's Way (2008-11-24) [Brandi's commiserating over the revelations of
the day. Something wrong, but it's the right thing to do? She's the one who's
kept alive, just to save the rest of us? Or is that too Frodo-ish? Brandi thought
Jin liked Monica. "I do like Monica." DON'T YOU EVER KNOCK? "Um,… I
brought you to my house." Jin thinks Monica is unstable. She needs their help.
(Keep those words in mind for later, kids.) What's right? To the point of
sacrificing someone? That's evil, not "right"! Truth is, Jin's saved so many
people to let them die later to get to this point – it's almost numbing for her. As
for personally putting anyone in harm's way? None that she knows of. (And
she's right, of course. Or is she?)]
Pizza With Doubt (2008-12-01) [Monica fills in Dietzel about how Kevin
hasn't written her off. A brat who is actually a dork with loon potential? Or is it
just "ginormous hooters"? She has yet to scare him away… which gives Doubt
an opening: "validated" by Kevin? Her "worth" is only in her friends – and to
Doubt, that's "false advertising." Doubt thinks she's hit a nerve… but all
Monica wants to do is "Let me order my ######## PIZZA!!" (Damn, girl!
Why didn't you just say so in the first place? I'll dial!" Who knew? Pizza is
such universal comfort food that even DEMONS love it! "Order the pizza and
afterwards, just for fun, I'll make you regret eating it and outgrowing all those
new, expensive bras you bought." And just as she's about to take her first bite,
in comes Shelly and Bud to look at a codex regarding sunlight and mirrors –
and the palace of the Jaguar at Teotihuacan. (I have a sausage, prosciutto and
goat cheese pizza.) Shelly and Bud pepper Monica with questions – but she just
wants to have her pizza! POIT! "There! Now digest your food and pay
attention." The dolls must have been made by Jin's mom, refracting light.
What's the reason why we'd have to wait until 2012? BUUuRRP! Monica's not
happy about all this "Indiana Jones" crap! And a knock on the door – it's
Brandi! "I need to talk to you about the calendar and how we can fix it using
mirrors!" Monica's starting to wish she went into another field. Bud accuses her
of wanting to maintain the "status quo." That does it for M – "LET'S GO GET
THE OTHER CLOTH!"]
Guest Strips, Part 3 (2008-12-15) [Guest strips from Duessa, Jen Babcock,
Lindsay Jane, and Aaron Alexovich – with a special "animated GIF" of Shelly's
"boiler room"]
Get The Tapestry, Shorty (2008-12-22) [So what are we waiting for? "The
cloth's just a passageway, right?" Jin's riddles: whoever has both ends of the
passage, controls the calendar. Does that "fix" it? Monica's at the point where if
she controlled it, she'd "bust the damn thing over my knee"! Now – before we
do anything, let's order another pizza? So – the other cloth is in an Egyptian
market. A high-volume fruit market. (Mmmmm… Bananas.) So – through the
doorway, grabs the cloth, poits back with it – easy, right? (The plan leaves
Shelly out by default…) So – Monica volunteers and activates the portal,
"falling" into Shelly… and into a warehouse full of artifacts… she grabs the
cloth, "with freshly dried blood that's splattered on it." And that's when she
notices the machine guns. Great. She's in a smugglers den. Try not to think
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about being caught – just think about home, not getting caught… POIT!
Caught. Crap. "KILL HER!" Rat-a-tat-tat… "There's no place like home.
There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no…" POIT!
Tumble forward… and only a few holes in her clothes… WHAT??? Brandi
doesn't understand the reason why they were after the cloth. Just another
artifact? (By the gang that can't shoot straight!) Brandi heard that, Bud: She
"went with" her. And when she was there, she found all these lovely grenade
pins. And they got the attention of the news crews across the street. But in the
end, it was Monica who did the dodging of the bullets – drunken master poiting
of the bullets? The leader of the smuggling ring claims it was a girl! She just
"appeared!" (Yeah. He's nuts. Rubber room for him.) Bud has the obvious
thought: "Hey! Who else wants to see what happens if we make Shelly jump
through the portal cloth?" Shel offers to stay the night – but if Monica really
needs her, she can just jump through the portal cloth and into her lap! And then
Monica realizes, as she poits off her bra – "THEY WERE SHOOTING AT
ME!!!"]
Jin Loses Her Marbles (2009-01-15) [Jin, meanwhile, is ecstatic! She's
impressed by everything! And most of all, the way they used… POW! Left
hook from Bud! "Stealth?" Jin's got her rules – she can't save anyone else's life
again. The advice? It came from Brandi. Bud can't believe this… meanwhile,
Jin's starting to have a meltdown – and she realizes something: "I have 'no'
clue. My orchestration in all this is over!" If she could slit her own throat and
know that she'd stay dead, "I'd be happy as a clam!" Bud doesn't remember
what happened when the three of them were separated from the Chimera – but
Jin? "The first thing I asked was to see my mother." They were afraid of the
golems. They took the golems away so they could… destroy the calendar
machine? And suddenly it hits Bud: "You went looking for your mother. You
saw her attempting to destroy the calendar." "The air and her body made the
sound of ripping fabric." And as Jin checks out, the doorbell? ALAN! Bud
drags him in, and tells him politely, "She's lost her marbles." Meanwhile, in the
other room… Jin goes to slit her wrists, and SCREEEEEE (metal doesn't like
to hit diamond-reinforced clay). Now it's Alan's turn to get upset: Strong
woman? Scared Little Girl? Monster? More like pathetic. "What did you just
say?" Bud paints a happy face on it and leaves – while Alan and Jin are left
there to talk. (It's assumed that Jin takes Alan "down the rabbit hole" at this
point – and no, that's not a bad pun.]
The Dreams of Children (2009-02-10) [Kath meets up with Monica pre-coffee
– and is shocked to hear about M's bullet-dodging holiday weekend. Kath is
excited! It's like the Labors of Heracles! Or Odysseus! Meanwhile, Monica's
feeling like a lab rat in a maze. Kath brings up the picture of the Antikythera,
which Monica immediately debunks. Kath calls M on her skepticism, "for all
that you've shown me". Suddenly, Monica remembers one of Jin's rhymes:
"Monsters around are brought by the child." You wanna do some real research,
Kath? "I promise not to later say 'you asked for it.'" POIT! And Kath and
Monica are greeted by… A SPHINX!! And as Phix prepares to give her a
riddle… "Bollocks, Monica! The poor girl passed out!" Kath would rather see
the bathroom… Unfortunately, when it comes to the calendar machine, Phix
has nothing. "For there to be nothing written of any seriousness ever… It must
be pretty important." Sailing off the map, are we? Two items at two separate
Temples of the Jaguar – one at Teotihuacan, and one at Chichen Itza… "What's
the deal with the jaguar?" "They were believed to provide communication
between the world of the living and the world of the dead." (FORESHADOW!
FORESHADOW!) They have to get back (Kath has a meeting); "You might
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have to look long and hard for information on communication with the spirit
world." (MORE FORESHADOWING!)]
Demons vs. Demons (2009-03-04) [Shelly's not all that sold on the "herbal
drinks" at Jacqui's studio. Tina's still wondering over why Shelly doesn't flip
out about her; meanwhile, she admits "creepy little girl" gave Tina the willies.
Now that's something Shelly finds odd; that's not the oddest thing – Tina sleeps
with a night light. "I just have a phobia of me stubbing my toe."]
Grandpa's Tapes (2009-03-09) [Apparently Monica's re-entry wasn't that
smooth that morning. Monica decides to go up into the attic for something:
stories of Grandpa Sullivan's adventures. Along with the big revolver that he
carried with him. Monica digs up the old reel-to-reel tapes, and realizes Phix
doesn't have an audio section at the library. Monica has a seat, listens to them –
all about a "golden eyed woman" had helped him find a lost city in the
jungle… "JIN WAS SCREWING MY G'PA!!" Of all the things she didn't need
to hear… Meanwhile, something about a map. Is it the location of the calendar
or just another clue. Dietzel suggests Bud (with a broom on his head?). Bud
shows up – and is surprised! "Your grandfather discovered the calendar?" And
yet she made it look like a cave-in to keep it hidden. "Entrust the location yet
keep it hidden. She's good." 'SHE'S A DAMN FLOOZY IS WHAT SHE IS!"
Well, looks like they need to do some reconnaissance; and after 25 minutes,
Monica's a bit distraught: "Th-th-th-that's what I have to work with?! It was…"
"Breathing? Yeah, I think it's evolved over the years… Now don't you get any
silly ideas that what we saw was alive in any way." It's just a form of
technology – but then again, so is Bud. Monica's sure it knew they were there –
but she didn't sense anything specific about it. Maybe it just needs tweaking –
but "what if it's like Jin, and wants to die? Then what?"]
Drunk and Dangerous (2009-03-26) [Jin and Alan meet up at Cerberus Club;
the post-game over their conversation – Jin's going to have to work to get
Alan's trust back. And now, Jin goes over to talk to Monica and Bud – and Jin
is the last person Monica wants to see. Bud drags Alan off in a game of "avoid
the problem" – but Jin then discovers what the problem is: "Too busy boinking
other people's grandfathers?" Seven times before, he diverted Jin from her
paths – because she fell in love with him. The first time though they had a
falling out – and that's when she found out how important Monica was in the
puzzle. Monica is getting tired of hearing about Jin's "professional martyr"
stories. The two of them start attacking each other – "pathetic insecurities",
"self-righteous bitch"… Do they have a cheering section? The two Doubts!
"Everything I do has a reason! Unlike your impetuous jamming a pencil in
your thigh during one of your extended 'hospital' stays!" "#### YOU! My life
might as well been over at that point! And I'm sure I have you to thank for even
existing in the first place. I'm just your dumb experiment!" And it appears the
two Doubts are pitting their "prey" against each other… which has come to the
attention of someone! CLONK! Tina: "Well! Would you look at that. Naughty
naughty." And suddenly, the fighting stops… but Jin takes the chance to smack
Monica upside the face. SPOILED LITTLE BRAT! "I don't care if you like
me, but you will respect me!" "When you quit acting like you're better than me,
I will." Tina encourages the demons to "go home." Jin believes Tina's just
introduced herself as M's guardian angel – but it's not that. Demons that are
assigned to more than one person aren't allowed to pit those people against
each other – "It's like insider trading." The bigger question, though, is how
Monica shared her demons with Jin. (Well, we know how that happened.)
Their demons "talk to each other." (Unlike you two.) Meanwhile Bud's already
on her way to insobriety. Dance or brood? Monica has "enough in-the-bra
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money to get us enough mojitos to be legally bombed in all 50 states. THEN
let's go dance!" Jin opens up to Monica: she has no idea what happens next.
And there's no way Monica can "take my place in another time loop." When
the calendar machine is fixed, it's fixed – period. Jin just plays the immortal
politicians the way she wants (The "faux time traveler"). There's no bad guys in
all of this – "Just you and me, babe." Just then Shelly shows up – and she sees
Jin. "Don't mind me. Just pretend that I'm a good idea." Ignore her and just be
super sweet to her. "It'll drive her nuts! I promise." Meanwhile Shelly sees
Alan and Jin dancing off screen – "Geeze! Where do you freaks find these
understanding guys and where the hell do I get one?" "I wish I could tell you,
but they seem to find us, somehow." Meanwhile, Tina notices something, and
tells Bud: Jin's not only got no aura, she's also got an "empty hole at her core."
"She's lost more than we'll ever know." (Hopefully not her mind.) Bud and
Monica head into the ladies' room – only to find Jin talking to the mirror:
"Ooooh, pooor baby. Are you lost?" Huh? That's your reflection. DON'T SAY
THAT!! (BOOM!) And just at that moment, Shelly's about to down an $80
Echidna Martini… WHAM! Martini down! "MONKEY BALLS!" There's now
a hole where the mirror used to be – and Monica's now upside down against the
wall – "I'll live." And then, Shelly burst into the ladies' room… "WHAT?!
THE?! HELL?!!!" She shouted a hole though the damn wall! (So we don't want
to do anything to upset her more, then, do we?) Tina pops in – HOLY CRAP!
Was anyone keeping an eye on how much they drank? "WE WERE!" Uh…
and now they're both drunk and dangerous. And they're moody enough when
sober. Too bad coffee doesn't work like it does in the movies – and then Shelly
has an idea: Tepoz! Bud poits him in – and he was taking a bath… Shelly plays
the sneaky card about "taking out their anger on the city." What? "You need to
sober them up… before it's too late." Too late for what? "Looket that adorable,
wittle butt!" And as soon as Jin grabs his butt – "AAUUGH! YOU'RE SOBER!
YOU'RE SOBER!!" "Explain to me why I'm holding this runt's ass in my
hand." Crisis averted – but Jin's going to "need Alan in a private way, ASAP!"]
Saturday Comes (2009-05-11) [Brandi's raring to go – while Bud is overhung.
"Each year closer to 2012 is ground less traveled by Jin. The stress could make
her more sensitive than usual." As Bud gives her the evil stare… Brandi told
herself to ignore the outburst – though it's possible Jin doesn't still have control.
Brandi tries another "health drink" on Bud – "PASS!" Bud decides finally to go
off shopping for summer clothes… but without Brandi.]
Ghost In The Machine (2009-05-18) [Ghost Hunters marathon tonight! And
this means Selenium will finally meet someone his own size! And Selenium
sneaks in under the blanket – scaring Monica! Selenium's apparently four years
old – and just small for his age. He's Amanda's paper shredder! And their ghost
hunting protector! Monday morning comes, and Monica asks Tina about
ghosts. Demons aren't ghosts, and she doesn't believe in ghosts. Monica's read
enough about haunting activity tied with mineral deposits and water. And
suddenly, Monica realizes something: the Jaguar temples were built over
limestone caverns with rivers, and were made of quartz… they had working
mechanisms to talk to the dead! Meanwhile, Tina's confused as she walks out
the door. Enter Bud – and Monica asks her about Jaguar temples. Nope. To be
able to talk to the dead, they need to know that they died. And all of Bud's
loved ones were vaporized in an instant. By her. Meanwhile, Monica's
celebrating the fact that her theory about the temples is right. 12,000 years ago,
folks lost their "energy", demons, and their shells all stripped away so fast – the
fabric of reality was bleeding. Bud mentions the nightmare about the little girl
and the wall of plasma coming toward her. If her ghost's still around…
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someone with a 12,000-year-old chip on their shoulder could be touchy. They
may have tried making the portals to get in contact with someone – Jin's mom?
But then they discovered natural doorways like M and Shelly – but with the
revolving door problem. But who was that little girl, anyways?]
Going By The Book (2009-06-08) [Brandi begins the steps to fix the calendar
with a game of 52 Pick Up! (Originally "Supplies!" – an old joke.) Mirror tiles,
glue, epoxy, a bowling ball – a BOWLING BALL? Brandi cuts it in half the
therapeutic way – SCREEEEEEEE! And then, after she gets the mirror ball
together, she sees: "Take the 2nd whole bowling ball and…" (grumpy) "Hi. I
need another bowling ball." Meanwhile, Dietzel lets Bud and Shelly in, and
they let M known about the disco fever that Shelly's dolls have. It does
something to "mimic the earth's magnetic resonance on the date of 2012." But
that's just a guess on Bud's part, and they're not sure how it helps. Meanwhile,
Brandi finishes up on her "project" – now what? "You've worked hard today.
Get yourself over to Bryant Lake Bowl and enjoy your evening!" The next
morning, Tina asks about the ghost hunting. From ghosts to a set of dolls –
"That sounds like a profound euphemism for something complicated." One
light source from four separate points. That's kinda why Tina dropped the
questions about the diary. "You've got enough crap to worry about!" Monica
hasn't forgotten. She thinks answers will fall into her… Enter Brandi! She
shows her the ball: "A dual layer, multi-faceted reflecting beacon to harmonize
the resonance movement of the calendar to 2012." ("Geeze! You both speak in
binary!" – Not the last time M would be accused of that.) And how did Brandi
come up with this? Brandi just "read the right book." Meanwhile, things would
be "too perfect if you had kept a cumulative journal like Jin." (or, perhaps,
Tina?)]
Green Thumb (2009-06-29) [Bud is a bit pensive as she ponders the backyard
of her half of the duplex. Brandi does the interior decorating, and Bud's the one
left to do the exterior stuff. It won't look like her family's courtyard garden –
but she's going to do it the old fashioned way. (How often does a girl get to be
digging in her backyard with a shovel, and yet not be doing anything illegal?)
She starts pulling the weeds… and pulling, and pulling, and… oops. It was all
weeds. Sod down, plants potted, and then – a backyard fireplace, with two
wooden recliners.]
The Fourth Light (2009-07-06) [Monica can't sleep. The calendar machine is
taking up most of her time. What if it's fixed for good? Does that mean she and
Jin no longer have a "real purpose" to life? And is that what was meant by
"taking Jin's place"? And, as Doubt creeps in, Monica's getting sick of their
crap! LEAVE! Leave NOW! "You got it, babe. We're all gone." And suddenly
– Monica's an empty shell! "Kinda peaceful in a… 'ripped from existence' sort
of way… funny when you really experience it first hand... When it comes
down to it, you need us more than we need you." And with one gulp… When
did Doubt start speaking for all her demons? "You may be necessary, but
you're still evil!" (Remember, honey, you're still talking about yourself.) That
puts Monica over the edge! She does not want the "evil" label! HOW DARE
YOU… Uh, why is there a glyph on her face all of a sudden? She's shining the
fourth glyph sign from her face – the double-O glyph… Wait a minute – she's
not dead, she's not some golem; she had a childhood! Jin poits in – YOU DID
IT! "You're the one who made the connection! You're channeling my mother.
She'll bring the fourth light!" The Oo sign? It's her mother's "glyph sign"! Four
face lights, all together – And all this time before, Jin thought Shelly was the
fourth light source. But how? "Mom knows!" Suddenly, it's all clear as Jin
poits away – Shelly's the "mechanic" – Monica's SUNSHINE! And suddenly,
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across town, as Shelly's welding something – Jin POWER HUG! "WE GOT IT
THIS TIME!" And Shelly has no clue what just happened. Meanwhile,
Monica's accusing Doubt of knowing all about this. And demons are immune
to all this time loop stuff – which means that they knew what was going to
happen, and that demon laws prevent them from saying anything to their
"hosts"? Aaaaand I'm talking to myself again…" So who's crazy? Who's not?]
What The Key Was For (2009-08-03) [From here on out, another friend of
Monica's – "Janet, Shelly, or Michelle" – must read the rest of the book with
you. But not Monica. Another poit – and Shelly's miffed. Or is that muffled?
Brandi shows Shelly the book: So this is the "answer" to Jin's scrambled book.
The only catch: the steps are dated. And even though she wants to skip to the
end to see what the answer is, it'll make them hesitate at one of the steps. And
one of the steps involves the Key Blade. It's a key, but it's also a blade – "that's
why I'm afraid that we might hesitate at some point!" Someone dying wasn't
part of the plan. Brandi wouldn't go along with killing anyone – she'd wager 56
tries on that. Shelly points out that mortals would be just cannon fodder in the
plans of omnipotent beings. But what if not killing someone is what starts the
loop again? Next step: talk to Tina. Tina has no idea what the shank key was.
She doesn't remember anything about Tina, and she's also only aware of this
timeline. And suddenly, she remembers something: Demons are supposed to be
"isolated from the universe's perception of time. For time to stand still for me, I
must have hurt someone. Who did I hurt?" (I have a guess.) Unfortunately, this
leaves Tina a bit concerned…]
More Answers, More Questions – More Problems (2009-08-19) [Monica tells
Bud about her "fourth light" revelation. Brandi's got more upstairs than Jin
does. As it turns out, Jin's plan is the one that works. Brandi's plan for diverting
light from one light source wouldn't work. Bud didn't expect that. Apparently,
all the restarts are Brandi's fault. Bud doesn't trust Brandi all of a sudden.
(Askway emay aterlay.) Shelly emphasizes something – "Monica" needs to do
what Jin says. (What about the rest of… OH!) Jin's answers are right; she's just
got a case of "schizophasia" (mental issues from time travel). Brandi and
Shelly have the tech part taken care of. Shelly describes it as similar to a timing
belt to a car – something she's familiar with. (see 2009-08-06 for the full
TL;DR) Monica thinks something seems off… "That's why it's called trust."
(Keep this in mind also for later.) Back at Mucho Mocha: Shelly lets Tina
know – she hurt Monica. Tina was working with Brandi in the past to get the
key in Monica's hands. The accident "bonded" the two of them, without Jin's
knowledge. Meanwhile, Bud grills Brandi. The book is one-day-at-a-time. Bud
suddenly smells a sphinx in all of this. What did Phix ever do to Bud? Bud
doesn't like it that "some individuals become glamorized for being murderous
assholes!" We're ones to talk? Bud's always feeling like she has to apologize
for who she is, while Phix is a celebrity of sorts? "She's surrounded by a hell of
her own making. I wouldn't wish her fate on anyone." Whatever the reason,
they're the ones who need to do this to rescue Jin and Monica.]
The Shadow of Another's Doubt (2009-09-07) [Meanwhile, Monica's not
trusting Bud, Brandi and Jin. And just as she's about to chastise Doubt, she
realizes… "Uh, you're not mine." Jin's Doubt comes for a visit! "Not your
jurisdiction." Oh? "And this from the girl whose demons conspired with the
demons of that drug lord's dingy daughter?" Jin doesn't even know about that –
and she must never know. It wasn't her own demons that chased her in front of
that bus – it was Tina's! And Tina crashed into the rear of that bus! Her demons
"may not want me to say it, but you're not as suicidal as you may think."
Trusting demons might not be a good idea, but Monica may have already
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discovered: "We all belong to you anyway." (DEMON SHEPHERD ALERT!)
She has her own demons – but she's also the doorway. The one that allows
Demons to come and go and start over – the "closest thing that some of us have
to mortality." Demons can't die, but they can "forget" their previous existences.
Monica was the "conduit that allowed Tina's demons to break the rules" – and,
doing so, forgetting their past existence. But it's not really "mortality"; no one
can go through the doorway without Doubt's permission. Not even Jin's mom.
(FORESHADOW! FORESHADOW!) Jin's mom (Mayahuel) is in the demon
realm! The calendar "mishap" put her there. Monica, Tina, Shelly were all
portholes; Brandi figured this all out, and yet she doesn't have a grasp on what
she did for the demon world. Just letting demons have free reign on the earth is
their "doorway to paradise!" They don't care about the calendar machine at all,
though. Monica thinks this through… This doesn't have anything to do with
what Tina did for the demon world – it's got everything to do with what she did
for herself! Tina did something that day that was more significant than
"hurting" someone. Evil is a human element, not a demon one. "If Tina is
claiming any evil… In her own way, she must have become human!" THAT is
what Jin's doubt is trying to recreate… but it only works if the machine
malfunctions in this universe. That put Doubt over the edge: "The machine
can't be fixed and you'll never be rid of it!" "Said the bubble to the sharp
pencil" POP!]
Pillow Talk (2009-09-29) [Jin's so happy that she can just grow old and die!
Alan's sarcasm meter is running high: "When you put it like that, I get all
sentimental." Sexy times commence! "Do you ever get weirded out about
having sex with a clay doll?" DAMMIT, JIN! Meanwhile, Monica's still awake
and too riled up to sleep. And her own demons aren't there to intervene. And all
the while, Monica's thinking Jin's laughing her ass off. (Meanwhile, Jin's
crying while Alan's trying to console her.) So Tina's demons may have been
doing good, but why would any sane or insane person want to be killed off the
way she was? Why would Monica need to die to fix the machine? And an open
doorway, and a steel box, and Schrodinger's cat and a clown car… sleep time.
And just as she z's off… (Well, I'll be damned if I can't remember if you locked
the front door or not again.) AAW C'MON!]
Bud Gets The Cheat Code (2009-10-12) [Brandi finally shows Bud "The
Book". "It doesn't really tell me what to do. In a motherly way, it tricks me into
thinking I had the answer all along, tousles my hair and then cheerfully points
me in a new direction." (Suddenly Bud doesn't doubt that Brandi wrote it.) Bud
takes a look at the page of the day – and sees: "Bud, no questions! Rip this
page and the last five pages out of this book and read them later. Don't tell me,
(Brandi) about them. Do it!" And she does it (with a cough). And to cover, she
says, "We're past the page-a-day stage. Once we read the next pages, we can do
this thing on any new moon. Brandi suddenly feels like she's missing
something – but in reality she just threw the whole thing into Bud's lap! And as
she's heading off, she starts reading the page: "You have come to be friends
with a close friend of Monica's. Her name is either Janet, Shelly or Michelle.
You and she will secretly need to stab Monica during the calendar…" NO!
FRIGGING! WAY! But then she starts reading… "Oh! Shoot. That makes a
ton of sense. Hmm." Time to involve Shelly in this: Coffee and elephant ears
time! "There's a plan being kept secret from another secret plan? Geezus!"
According to what Bud read, Brandi figured it out moments before fixing the
machine. Everyone panicked, all hell broke loose, everyone poited out except
Brandi – "Premature evacuation." Shelly reads the plan. "STABBING? I'm not
going to be part of…" (Yeah yeah yeah. Get to this part here. Read this.)
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"Shoot! That's almost… Wow. Brandi came up with,… Whoa!" Brandi
"viscerally scares the crap out" of Bud. Are they just screwing Monica over in
all this? The roles could have been reversed (Shelly was the fourth light in the
other incarnations.) Would you rather have an ice-cold enema of galactic
proportions? They can do this at the next new moon; Bud will handle the portal
cloth; Shelly has the key – and just needs to "hit your mark". It's like a script –
but this isn't some college play. "What makes you think that demons will
follow some script?" "Something tells me that Monica and her demons won't
know what hit them. That's how they'll follow the script."]
Conscience (2009-10-27) [And now, Shelly can't sleep. Coffee, sugar, and a
plan to "dry-fist" my best friend. And she can hear "that zombie barista": "Gee,
Miss Shelly, you've got dark circles under your eyes! You want a cup of coffee
while I patronize you and blow sunshine up your ass?" Eventually, Shelly does
fall asleep… And Tina doesn't see Shelly walk into the shop (but she does see
"creepy little girl": YOU SEE ME JUST FINE DON'T YOU!) "She's staring at
me. She's in the hallway. Nary a word on her lips,… the deluge resides in her
eyes. She followed you… There. Behind you. Mark her." WHAT? Shelly
wakes up from her dream and sees… Creepy little girl floating beside her!
STAY AWAY FROM ME, WHATEVER YOU ARE! "Oh, for crying out
loud… The one time in your life that earnestly call for me, and this is your
behavior. Let's cut the crap. You're the one who made me. I belong to you and
technically work for you. No strings attached. I'm the closest thing this earth
will see to the mythical Conscience. Somehow, at an early age, you combined
all your demons into me." Observant Shelly only notices that she looks like she
was when she was a little girl! "Ugh! And the pixie with the rack puts up with
you how?" This puts Shelly on the defensive – Just because she's some
supernatural thing "doesn't give you the right to be a smart-ass regarding her, or
me either!" She's separate from the demon world – not subject to their rules,
and her existence depends on Shelly. So what is she? "I'm your conscience."
And she cuts to the chase: take key, and Monica, and STABBY STABBY.
"Things might get messy." But this is Shelly's fear – not hers. "I'm showing you
what you know in your heart to be the right thing. What I can't do is alleviate
your own fears and misgivings."]
Right As Rain Club (2009-11-09) [Tina greets Monica with a ray of sunshine!
But Monica slept for crap. She'll have this whole thing wrapped up by the next
new moon – even if it kills you! Monica doesn't have the slightest idea what
she's doing. Jin pops in: "Everything's in place. We're nothing more than tools
at this point. That's the beauty of all of this. I've done all the work, so I
wouldn't have to do any of the work. And neither do you anymore!" (That was
an attempt to make her feel better?) "We have all the puzzle pieces in place!"
Monica begs to differ – but it's going to be GLORIOUS! "I can't talk to you
right now. I don't process fruit-loop before coffee!" We're not crazy! Jin gives
her her very own "Right As Rain Club" card! "All official!" That's bonkers in
Tina's book. So what was the big break? Monica doesn't know, either. It seems
her research was all trivial and useless… but what about Tina? Just because all
she had was a key? "Should I go crawl under some rock now?" The next new
moon is in two days, Sunshine. "Dammit, Tina! I need to know! Are they going
to try and kill me?! You have to know! Some part of you must know!" Gray
voice: "You need to trust her, Sunshine." Trust? Trust who? Doubt pipes in that
she won't leave her… and just as Monica turns to call her a "parasitic piece
of…" – she sees Janet. "I, um, thought you were someone else." (Well. That
timeline's accounted for now.) Meanwhile, Monica broods the rest of her way
to work. Kevin wouldn't put up with a loon that didn't have a set of jugs…
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"QUIT DOING MY JOB FOR ME!" Doubt lays into Monica: "Which part of
the word 'trust" don't you understand?" That night, Monica ponders as the
waning moon rises: "I'm not the adventurer that you were, gra'pa. I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that,… I'm nothing more than a sacrifice. Not that a sacrifice isn't
noble. I just wanted the chance to ride off into the sunset. Like you did." (A
photo of Monica in the sidecar of her grandpa's old Harley Liberator, with
grandpa next to her… you thought the whole story from "Not a Formal Social
Person" was rubbish?)]
The Night Before (2009-11-23) [Day after tomorrow night. Meet at M's house.
Things have to be kept from Jin for a reason. Even if they fixed it with a
whoopee cushion, hand buzzers and a cream pie in the face, it'll be reason to
celebrate! Meanwhile, Doubt addresses Monica's demons. "Ladies, need I state
the obvious here? We are on the verge of something monumental. Our…
inactivity has let, a queen of sorts, run rampant. This will soon end. Our
selective silence has won over her trust. We will break her…" Meanwhile,
Monica ponders her "last day": "I don't like feeling like this. I don't like having
to wait around to see what others are going to do. Waiting around to possibly
get screwed. But these are my friends. They won't… they wouldn't. They won't
hurt me. I won't let them. (cue the Light) I'm questioning everything. But I
know I must have some purpose other than sacrifice. Tina said trust her. In a
room full of females, who'd be the one that I'd least trust?" Meanwhile, Shelly
ponders what mom would say… while Connie runs with scissors.]
Last Words Of Wisdom (2009-12-01) [Monica shows up at the library "after
hours". "Tomorrow's the big night! You probably know that already! Any
words of wisdom? Anything? …. Phix?" A sleeping Phix wakes: "Don't
duck…?" "I'm… doing something important, …right? Tell me that I am doing
something important." "You're doing something important." "You don't sound
very convincing." "You're the one who told me to tell you that." Things are a
lot better this time around, and everything that's needed is at her fingertips. You
don't want to know how bad it was last time – and you don't want me telling
you. "You're trying to get rid of me, aren't you?" "Have a cookie, pumpkin."
Phix doesn't get why Monica came there to talk to her – she's not a cheerleader,
and anything she says will just mess things up. Monica just likes how Phix
treats her. "Well, wipe your shoes the next time you come here. I don't want
anyone thinking that I think you're special or something like that." Meanwhile,
back on earth – Shelly is still pondering. Brandi is sitting up with a bowl of
cereal. Bud is staring off into space. And Jin… is trying to get Alan to wake up
because she's feeling frisky again.]
Trust? (2009-12-08) [Monica: "You dare ask for my trust…?" (pulls out the
service revolver) "Trust you?! Just blink, bitch! Blink!!" (she pulls it back, to
reveal her looking in the mirror) "Don't you dare think that I'm naïve or a
pushover, ever again. You got that?" And, with two poits, the gang's all here.
"We're going into the wild, girls. Make sure you packed your bug spray. We
wouldn't want any blood-suckers to get any of us now, would we?" (The gun,
by the way, is prominent.) The five of them are gathered as Monica says
something to Dietzel: "It's okay, sweetie! We'll be back before you can…"
POIT! Dietzel, however, looks a bit… concerned. Meanwhile, in the jungles of
Mexico: "We should be pretty darn close…" "Should be?" "Uh, guys…"
"WE'RE HERE, LADIES!" And the wall ahead is a picture of an Aztec in the
middle of… a machine.]
Guest Strips, Part 4 (2009-12-14) [Yes, holiday break guest strips. This time,
by Rachel Dukes, Duessa, Lindsay Jane, Diana Nock, and Seamus Patrick
Burke]
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The Calendar Machine (2009-12-21) [Jin's ecstatic! They're all there, they're
not fighting… Bud: "Yeah, save that thought. Let's get our asses in gear and get
going on this. Whether or not this all works, I still need to see the season finale
of SGU tonight." Shelly's never seen this before. "I take it that that's it, down in
that far room there?" Very important: it's just a machine. It's just a… Shelly,
Brandi and Jin are entranced by the machine… just floating there. (Bud: "I
have a strong feeling that they aren't listening." Monica: "Welcome to my
world.") Bud passes out the dolls, and puts everyone where they need to be.
Use your "eye lights" to aim. Shelly will have the hammer for the resonation.
One small problem: Monica can't do the face light on command. Bud's trying to
keep Jin from fondling the dolls, while Monica's whining in the background.
Bud's had enough: "Fear, anger, doubt, that's what you need to tap into that
power. You see that? (pointing at the Calendar Machine) That's your
motivation!" (interlude for a holiday greeting, then) Bud has to explain to
Brandi: She's not the answer that you think she is. Monica's still unsure about
everything – even as Jin is completely losing it. "You guys! You're all acting
weird!" Shelly tries to just have Monica take her spot… and that's when Doubt
plants a little seed: "Since you became an expendable tool, my queen." Shelly
grabs Monica, whose headlight suddenly turns on – even as the other three's
lights go on as Bud rolls a strike to the middle of the pedestal under the
machine. "Hold on, ladies! It's going to get bumpy…" Suddenly – no one can
move! "None of us but Shelly can move! We're connected to the calendar!
Anyone dead by the time the hammer stops ringing, becomes part of the
machine and separates from the rest of existence! Shelly needs to STAB
MONICA WITH THE BLADE!" (Bud, I can't do it! I won't kill her!) "We had
a deal! This is not open for debate! Now take out the ### #### blade and stab
her with it or I'll crack you head on the ####ing WALL!" And just as Shelly's
about to ask for forgiveness and plunge the blade in… THOCK! Out comes
Doubt… but not Monica's Doubt! She's not about to let Bud "appropriate our
special doorway, but we will let you three be sucked into the machine in her
stead!... You couldn't even kill her if you wanted to!" "SHELLY! FOR ####'S
SAKE, DO IT NOW!!!" "Don't move, babe! This won't hurt a bit!" THWOK…
And suddenly, the door is now one-way only… and it's a Rogue Demon
vacuum that not only takes the "evil Queen Doubt", but the Calendar Machine,
too!" Monica's Doubt is there, right beside her (as promised). "We may be
demons, but we have rules!" And there she goes… along with the mirror ball…
and then – the Calendar Machine! (Jin: "WHEEEEEEEE!") And there's just
one more thing to do: Bud takes a dive in. "Shelly will soon have you on
permanent lockdown! I'll catch you all later, babes!"]
The Return of Mayahuel (2010-01-11) [Monica's a bit cranky, and
understandably so: "What the hell was that?! When did my job become being
the human friggen clown car?!" Shelly's got to adjust the key… 10 turns
clockwise, then gently pull… CLACK! "Huh. I guess the blade part is
supposed to stay in there!" (Doubt: "Good luck at the airport.") Brandi:
"WHERE'S BUD?" Uh, this wasn't just about the Calendar Machine. We
needed to get rid of something very dangerous… "Transporting to or from the
demon realm is impossible!" She can't come back through Monica. Her
doorway's locked. Brandi grabs Monica and tells Shelly to DO IT AGAIN
NOW! Brandi doesn't like the answer. "Bud wouldn't jump through a door she
could never come back through!" (Elevated Shelly: "Th… That was the
point!") BULL####! "She told me to wait a few minutes, then give this to you.
You need to read it out loud." Brandi reads it as she drops Shelly: its glyph! Jin
recognizes it: "That's a charm that controls the portal cloth. It's an unlock
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command…" Suddenly, all eyes are on Shelly: "Heh, I guess it's my turn
now… Bud said that it wouldn't hurt…" Whoooooooosh – and Bud comes back
with someone in tow! Upon landing, she makes another incantation – which
rips the ink right off of Shelly's skin! The ink from the portal cloth is useless
now! Bud was only gone for a few minutes – "What the hell was all of that?"
Shelly's nearly collapsing in pain: "That felt like I was deep fried on my whole
front side!! What happened to painlessly poiting the ink from my body?!!
GAAARRRRR!!" Bud apologizes: "Sorry, I was gone much longer than a few
minutes. And we had a few… Out of the loop demons hot on our tails. They
didn't seem to know about our, um… deal." She reaches over to help her
"passenger" up: "I… I can smell dirt again…" Brandi: "You brought someone
back with you…" Bud: "I needed to. (to May) Go to her. She's been waiting."
Jin: "Have we fixed the calendar machine?" Mayahuel: "No, muffin crumb. We
made the calendar machine go away. Somewhere where it can never hurt
anyone, ever again." Jin's kinda lost it: "When we fix the calendar… I can
become human again… I'll grow old, and die." May: "Listen to me. Fixing the
calendar won't do that. Can't do that. We are what we are." "That's too bad… I
need to find my mom. Would you help me find her?" May is heartbroken to
hear that: "Muffin… I… promise I'll help you find her." Monica finally realizes
who Mayahuel is… "She'd been trapped in the demon realm." "It was never
about the spirit world. This was about demons all along…" "So… That's it?
We're done here?" "Looks like! But I think we all have a much bigger
adventure ahead." POIT! POIT! POIT!]
No, this isn't the end of Wapsi Square, sorry.
The Aftermath (2010-01-22) [Tina's just closing up for the night. Shel and
Monica want her to join them for drinks. And Tina can sense it – their "auras
are glowing off the scale! Tell me, what happened?" "C'mon, we'll tell you over
drinks." "Shoot! You don't need to be so mysterious. You could've told me it
was because of Groundhog Day and I would have bought it!" 'DON'T SAY
GROUNDHOG DAY!" Meanwhile, in a penthouse apartment in Minneapolis,
Jin awakes: "Uuuuhh, Gawd… I hate these winter days. One gray blah blurs
into the next gray blah." (off-screen voice) "That's your dad talking, muffin.
The clouds are just a veil that will pass. The sun is still up there." Jin stretches:
"Dad was a realist. Sometimes it's best not to let…" Jin suddenly freezes as the
voice continues: "I see that you're still a tea connoisseur. You obviously get
your taste from me." Jin turns, squatting on the bed. "Yeah… Where do I start
apologizing? Civilizations have come and gone and vanished… I was foolish. I
left you. We should have stuck together. I… never meant to abandon you. I
never meant…" Jin can barely get it out: "You're here." "Bud tells me that
you've been very resourceful, utilizing the time loop… to finance yourself via
the immortal politicians." Jin rises to stand before her: "Kukulcan is just
superstitious enough to be quite gullible." "You told them that you were a time
traveler. Genius." "It was quite easy to prove knowledge of future events…"
Oh, who are we kidding? A hug several thousands of years in the making
ensues. Meanwhile, Shelly explains the sudden loss of the tattoo to Luci: the
ink on her tattoo was super high iron content. MRI ripped it right off. "It was
the most pain I've ever felt." "Hard core, Ms. Wahnee." As for Bud and
Brandi? "All along, it was you, Miss Brainy Brain! You were responsible for
yanking the carpet out from under yourself. And finding the solution for fixing
what couldn't be fixed!" Brandi: "That's a part of my personality that I wasn't
even aware of. What other manipulatively sinister tendencies do I have lying
dormant?" Just as she grabs a fly – for the spring release jar… And what about
the machine itself? "Honey, the minute that thing entered the demon realm, it
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became harmless." But what if…? "The minute that the calendar entered
demon space, it became harmless. Then I squished the #### out of it! Here.
Take it." It's now the size of one of Bud's famous diamonds! WHAT? "Geared
machines don't work too well when the gears are all squashed into one solid
object. May told me that trying to destroy the calendar is what sent her to the
demon realm. I was already there." It was pretty useless once it got there. And
Bud decides to pretend like she's Brad Radke: BOOM! What lump? "Uh,
Bud… There's some police officers out here. It looks like they might be
checking out what that loud boom and streak of light through the sky was. Are
you listening to me? Bud…" And here she comes, decked out in goofy hat and
boots! That one police officer looks like he's seen this before: "Good day,
officers! Are you here to find the alien space ship?! I heard the sound of it
firing its super boosters! I didn't get to see it but my cat got a good look at it!
He said it went, PHbbbbbbBBBpPBTH!"]
Letting the Dust Settle (2010-02-05) [As Monica is getting her morning coffee,
she's surprised by an old acquaintance: Georgette? "I turned over full control of
the pub to my sister and I've been bored out of my friggin' mind! Don't get me
wrong, Minneapolis is cool but my circle of friends… leaves a lot to be
desired. You don't treat me like you're someone needing validation through
knowing me. So, what're you up to later tonight? (Actually, I've got tons of…)
Awesome! Let me give you my cell number and we can get things sorted
later!" Tina recognized her after she left: Georgette? The model? "She's trying
to get you to get in touch with her? Are you nuts?" Monica was star struck back
when they first met (way way long ago, back in 2006), but "to say that she's as
neurotic as I am…" (Poor girl.) Heh. Monica took that as a compliment: "I was
going to say, seeing the bad parts of myself in someone else, doesn't always
make for good company." "It sounds like she doesn't like people choosing to
ignore her, but yet she's more than willing to dismiss others." Monica heads on
out to her job – and contemplates the artifacts she's run into: Not every artifact
belongs in a museum. Shelly and Doubt were right: Monica isn't a field
researcher. Other artifacts, too dangerous to be left to their own devices… like,
say, the Library? "Sounds like you're letting some of the 'world protector' gig
go to your head, pumpkin." Phix! In full human form! Apparently her
assistance of Brandi let her loosen up her self-restrictions. Phix calls what they
did an "emotionally-charge adventure." (Was that the officially official
descriptive summary?) And that's when Monica's boss stops in – and is stopped
in his tracks by Phix! Dr. Gregory Fields, director of the museum. "Surprise
visit on my part. Monica tells me that she's busy all morning. I was hoping for
a tour of the museum." Dr. Fields would be honored to give her a tour!
(Meaningful eye roll from Monica…) <End of the book In The Shadow Of
Doubt> And what did Monica's "busy morning" consist of? Pencils in the
ceiling of her office. Monica's not restless for another adventure. She's waiting
for the other shoe to drop. Tepoz's forecast says, "No Shoes." What Monica
really hates is, she can't talk to anyone about all this – or get "locked up in a
rubber room!" It's not about friends, though: it's about those you're supposed to
trust. Her parents… She couldn't let them know about what she's seen or what
she can do. "I'd rather them think of me as crazy." (THEY'RE STILL OUT
THERE) So what is it: they wanna toss you back in the loony bin, or you
wanna rub their noses in it and vindicate yourself? "You saved your parents in
a way they may never know. And you're worried that telling them may burden
them. Would you say that you're protecting them now?"]
The Haunted Golem (2010-02-23) [Jin visits Tina's shop – Lapsang Souchong
tea and a question: Do you still like collecting antique tea pots? Tina's a bit
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confused by Jin; "Not quite what I expected of the one who can push all of
Sunshine's buttons." "You used to push the crap out of my buttons, and yet, I
couldn't stay angry at you… I knew that you were important somehow, but that
wasn't it. You and Shelly…" The tea reminds her of home… "My home was
vaporized and the surrounding land was glazed with a layer of glass, but before
that, it had a nice cozy smell of pine wood." This concerns Tina… Monica
wanders in later: "Sunshine your friend Jin was in here earlier. She's broke!"
(Monica doubts that.) "Let me rephrase that. Jin is broken." (Her morale? She's
been a bit moody lately, but…) Time for a direct intervention: "LISTEN TO
ME! JIN'S BRAIN IS BUSTED! SHE'S BONKERS! HER MENTAL COGS
HAVE PACKED UP AND TAKEN THE LAST TRAIN OFF THE
PLANET!!!" Jin doesn't have an aura – but not an "empty core". She was
talking to Tina like she was a very young, lost, and easily angry little girl.
Monica's not getting it – that's good, right? Some of herself is left in there? Bud
heard enough of the conversation to know: "No, Princess, this may be very,
very bad." The nightmares? About the young girl? M's still not understanding.
"Irrelevant. Something is going to happen." That trips M's trigger – and Bud's
forced to take Monica outside. "That wasn't Tina talking. It was one of the
demons speaking out of turn. (*cough*wasn't*a*demon*COUGH) We can
handle this." Monica's trying to brace herself for the answer to the question
that'll take her on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride: Jin's a haunted golem.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH! Meanwhile, Shelly's happy about the
"rising" temperatures in the Twin Cities! NO! Don't curse the snow! It'll…
make you slip and fall? (Oh, that's right, this is Shelly, not Monica.)]
Living Vicariously (2010-03-08) [Kath's home! She tells Oscar about Monica's
adventures – although it wasn't her that fixed it, but… well, they actually
destroyed it… "Hey, Oscar! I talked to Monica today!" Kath ponders things –
she didn't feel "left out"; she realized she wouldn't have done anyone any good.
She's not the field research type, anyway. Ppppbbbththth "OSCAR! What do
you mean that I'm living vicariously through Monica?! You take that back,
right now!" Yes, Monica was the reason why she has started to come out of her
shell, but she has comfort zones. And, of course, there's the fact that she's
arguing with her betta fish. She wants to be stronger, more sociable, but her
bravery goes only as far as a new haircut. "Maybe I could go back on my meds.
Or… I could find another adventure for Monica."]
Home (2010-03-15) [Monica talks to Dietzel about her day. Princess, hey?
Grandpa would say, "Dump the Tiara and pull that scepter out of your butt."
She got into the field to disprove the existence of the paranormal – and she's
been dragged kicking and screaming into realizing it exists. And yet, her next
big "whatever" is lurking around the corner. How do you do an exorcism on a
sentient object? She gets all geared up thinking (and EATING! Eskimo Pie,
Dagwood Sandwich, an entire TURKEY?) – and she can't sleep. (Any
wonder?)]
What I Once Was (2010-03-22) [Jin gets tapped on her shoulder awake – and
when she rises, she finds – breakfast (two cheddar croissants, tea, sugar, juice),
and a note (to Tochtli): Good morning! I've gone out to explore. See you
tonight, Muffin Crumb!) Meanwhile – surprise, surprise – Monica had a lousy
night's sleep – and then she finds herself standing. In Jin's apartment. And she's
apologizing. "I need your help. I really need your help. I… I feel like I did
before I died…" Huh? What? Binary? Coffee? I'm in my PJ's… POIT! POIT!
POIT! POIT! POIT! POIT! "There! Fresh as a daisy. Come with me. We can
walk to Tina's from here, and it's nice outside." (You poited my pee and poop!)
Jin did get the memo about the calendar machine and not "making her human"
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– and that it was destroyed, right? She knows it now, but she misunderstood
one of the translations that she read in Phix's library. Fixing the calendar by
destroying it makes her "as I once was". That means imperfections and all.
Psychological imperfections. She had these "periods" when she heard voices,
saw things no one else did. People would tell her she's in danger. Her dad left,
and doctors told May that Jin's brain was "out of sync" with time. She doesn't
have a grip on reality – and that's more frightening to Monica than it is to Jin.
And this is way out of Monica's area of expertise. Tina, however, was
apparently Jin's psychiatrist before she died. She kept a diary. And yet again,
it's "dive into an empty pool" time. Monica got into the field to "help solidify
reality. I need you to help solidify mine." Back at Tina's: She has aura reading
issues of Tina again. "Stinky tea?" Nope: "M and I feel that the you that you
used to be could be helpful to our latest challenge…" "Jin just revealed that she
might be a cross between Kali and John Nash. Maybe…" (The power to flatten
the sun and looney to boot. Sounds like fun.)]
Officer Tight Buns (2010-03-31) [Shelly has a rather… odd look for grilling.
"Time for my yearly cleaning the grill of mice nests and cordial meeting with
sexy officer tight buns!" Gas on, lid closed, push ignition from safe distance,
and BOOM! And here comes the officer… hey, isn't that the one who
responded to Bud's rocket throw? "Oh! It's you again." Shelly plays the ditz. "I
feel dizzy from the explosion. Would you take my pulse?" "I have a feeling
that you're not as mechanically inept as you let on." Shelly plays some games,
before getting serious: "Let's get something straight here, Justin. You came into
my kickboxing studio, acting like you've never thrown a punch in your life, and
needing to be in the most basic of classes. Needing all sorts of, (meaningful
butt grab by Shel) one on one time with the instructor. Having her put her
hands all over you to show you proper form. You, acting clumsy. Then, one
day, I see you. At the Holidazzle parade, in your uniform, directing traffic.
Back at work, I call your work number from your registration. Surprise, it's the
police station. Gripping story so far?" Justin protests, but Shelly continues: "I
made it clear, pressing charges was not in my agenda. But your sergeant and I
both found your play acting… quite amusing. We both thought it fair to
continue our 'role-playing' when you're at shift's end… Oh, and will you look at
that! Your shift is over!" (SNAP! They're cuffed together!) "Oh goodness!
How on earth did that happen? Wrestle for the key with me?"]
That Not So Subtle Nudge (2010-04-07) [A brief interlude: Tina calls for pizza
delivery – from Papi's Pizza (The delivery girl's name is Dylan, by the way).
And apparently, the demons are a bit tiffed at the "one voice": "You are so fast
to speak for all of us. Always ready to jump to the 'rescue'. None of us are on
the same page as you, and yet we're all stuck with whatever choices you make
when you open your big mouth! (looks at the pizza) And you ordered
anchovies! What were you thinking?" The grayed voice speaks: "I was the one
who got us up and out of that morgue." (Funny that none of the other demons
remember that; it just came out of nowhere.) "Just think of me as the not-sosubtle Nudge that folks need from time to time." (FORESHADOWING!)
"Next thing, you'll be saying that I'm a negative influence." And… the
collective falls asleep standing up. Meanwhile, in another bed across town, that
"role-playing" has gone to the next level… Back at Tina's, the morning breaks
– and an itsy-bitsy spider walks up Tina's body. Unfortunately, it's fried when it
tries to climb inside the empty eye sockets! "It's morning!" At the same time,
Dietzel discovers his bowl is empty. A little "subtle nudge" doesn't get Monica
up, so he resorts to putting his bowl on her head and using an air horn! And, as
we hear Monica from Dietzel's POV, he gets what he wants – fed.
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(Unfortunately, she only has some cat food.) Monica drops in to Mucho Mocha
– and Tina greets her with a smile – and a "partial solution." (No, the choker
doesn't hold her head on.) Gray text: "Locked in demons will never admit it,
but they love order and structure. That's when they can do the most damage.
People are creatures of habit. The more predictable they are, the more damage
we (demons) can do. My name is Nudge, and I'd like to give you a white
chocolate mocha today. Just to change things up a bit for you." This confuses
Monica: You're naming yourselves now? And now Nudge is my "new guide"?
"New? Tina's been your daily pick-me-up and good friend. I've been trying to
keep you safe." A guardian angel or something? (Close your left eye.) What
for? (Please.) There… WHAT? "I've never personally met an angel and I
certainly don't claim to be one. However, even a dog can be a guardian. Please,
just call me Nudge." And suddenly – Shelly wanders into the shop. And
Shelly's aura is off the charts! "I had a very bad night's sleep. I was tossing, and
turning… making so much noise, a police officer had to frisk me four times."
Sexual innuendo doesn't become Shelly. That's when Tina lays the news on
Shelly – and hands her "the usual Sumatra Americano".]
No One Tells Her What To Do (2010-04-26) [Shelly realizes something as they
walk away from the shop: "There is no way that we could go back to life as we
once knew it. We'd be too bored." Monica fills her in on Jin's situation:
mentally vulnerable 18-year-old girl. And for all the untold legions of herself
she's sacrificed, she was the one who was broken in the first place. And a
psychiatrist's office visit wouldn't work. Monica thinks they've been getting
help – from someone calling themselves "Nudge". And maybe they should just
go change their names to "Pawn One" and "Pawn Two". Monica does wonder
something – "Shelly, look at me and close your left eye." Shelly does, and with
a panicked expression, tells her: "A dorky nerd-girl with tortoise shell glasses,
hair down past her @$$, and a rack that's…" (You're an @$$hole.) After a
brief interlude of imagining Monica as Lara Croft, Shelly reminds her she is
capable of ignoring the flight to the jungle – and can remember to be better
prepared the next time. "NEXT TIME?!" No one's going to tell Monica what to
do, right? Run from a burning building? "You over think things." Monica
doesn't realize she's a superhero. "You fall off a cliff, poit yourself over your
bed. Simple." As for dodging bullets? Funny – Bud told Shelly that's exactly
what she did in Cairo. Clothes full of bullet holes, and all she had was mild
skin burns. They were really bad shots? Nope, you're not ready. "What was it?
Some kind of instinctual-self-preservation-poiting of the bullets, just before
they perforated my skin, or causing them to graze somehow?" "Wow. Looks
like I owe Bud a case of beer." A bet? "Bud told me that you would figure it
out. However, I figured for as smart as you are, you're so anti-magic, that…"
(You couldn't come talk to me? There's no timeline to screw up anymore!) "We
were bored." So: this was all a game, and finally having our lives back isn't
good enough, and you miss the danger? (Um, yeah.) "Good! I thought it was
just me. And don't keep $#!+ from me, it pisses me off!" That night, Monica
decides to go de-stress in the shower, since Kevin's gone for a week. And while
Dietzel is trying to watch a movie (300, perhaps?) Monica dreams of Gerard
Butler… and a long shower, and a beer… and BONK! After a reenactment of
the SPARTAAAAA! Scene, M wakes up to a sore back and a bruise on the
forehead.]
An Officer And A Shelly (2010-05-24) [Shelly wakes up Justin with an ear
lick. After a little innuendo exchange, they talk a bit: everyone was in on
Shelly's little "game". He didn't just talk to her because, "you freaked me out.
You were so,… normal in class and yet out of class so…" "Choose your next
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words carefully. I've been the master of mean swirlies since third grade." And
something we haven't seen since the days with Owen: "Adorable and
frightening at the same time!" She explains how she was the "classic bully"
growing up. It was a defense mechanism. She gets hurt easily, "and it was
easier for me to keep everyone at a distance or hurt them first." The only good
thing was when she stopped a smaller kid from being bullied. (Owen.) That
brings up painful memories… Meanwhile, Justin warns her that he seems to be
a "psycho-chick magnet." And suddenly Shelly goes into run-on-sentence
mode. Uh, what? Justin says he comes with a ton of baggage (and how, as we
learn later!) Shelly thinks it's the "It's me, not you" speech time. But that's not
it: the red flags aren't coming up with Shel. At her base, "you're a good
person."]
Nudging Amanda (2010-05-31) [And Monica realizes, on the hottest day of the
year so far in the Twin Cities, that she forgot to water her patio plants. Oops –
"They're dead, Monica." So M makes the best of the situation: gets on her
bikini top and shorts and turns on the hose! And who should drop by but
Amanda: "You know, maybe your jugs wouldn't be so darn big if you didn't
water them so much!" After some teasing about her small bikini, Monica turns
the hose on Amanda! A talk about body image – and she mentions Bud's
"racehorse legs". "Who's Bud, babe?" She "exaggerates" about who Bud is
(dance instructor, martial arts, and a "former security guard"). The calmness
intrigues Amanda, though. Next morning (Ghost Hunters marathon?), Amanda
meets Tina: "Coffee. Black. No nonsense and no froo-froo crap." Amanda's got
a day off, and Monica's planning on doing some research. Library research.
Nudge pops in: "I think that you two should hang out. You can learn a lot about
someone when they're bored." Monica does NOT want to do that, because she
KNOWS which "library" she's going to do the research in! "She's afraid we'll
all find out how cool and fun her job is and give her grief about it." Uh… "I'll
be working with sensitive stuff." Amanda's up for it – maybe even taking
pictures? But, this library… "Calm yourself, Pumpkin. (Yep, Phix.) Just
explain that the library is being renovated. (Re… renovated?) Our tiny archive
library is moving to a new location thanks to a grant. We're renovating an old
building as our space. Monica is one of the few granted access and she's a bit
guarded about this privilege." Monica can decide who she wants to bring with
– she just needs to remember to "use the door on the northeast, Stevens Avenue
South side, not the East 18th Street door." (That location, by the way, is the site
of an old hospital turned into a nursing home – which have both been
abandoned.) Meanwhile – Tina is speechless. Scared speechless. Phix
introduces herself to Amanda, and relays a message to Monica: "Earlier this
morning, Gregory mentioned that he needed to speak with you." Monica
suddenly realizes what that means… she better get moving! And meanwhile…
Phix gives Tina the stare. (There's a reason.) Tina's near tears – and her eyes
aren't swirly anymore. "Tea…?" No formal introductions necessary. Both here
for the same reasons. (Guiding Monica, primarily.) "The annex is in place with
a portal door, tuned for Monica and her guests. Anyone else, or if she's under
duress, then the door opens to an empty building." Phix gives her that "cat
sizing up its prey" look: "I register on an instinctual level, don't I?" "Yes." So –
predicting her order? Relax, deep breath, exhale, focus: "Earl Grey."
"Excellent. Don't let someone like me rattle your nerves, understand?"
Meanwhile, Monica gets to the museum – and finds out that her boss never said
anything to Phix! (Barbara is his secretary, by the way.) Monica suddenly
realizes why Phix was trying to get rid of her and Amanda: she's an Apotropaic
Sphinx! Ones who hunt demons!!! She comes screeching back to her office,
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and she realizes she needs to go back to the coffee shop. Back there, no one's at
the counter. Monica heads over to the basement, and heads down the stairs – no
light switch. But suddenly – Monica can see in the dark! She calls for Tina, and
realizes there's something in the corner that looks like her. Meanwhile, Tina
pops out of the bathroom and greets Amanda: "Back so soon?" Amanda
explains that Monica was concerned for her: "She need to, uh, make sure you're
okay?" AAAAHEIIIIII!!! "Sounds like Sunshine's in the basement. I hope that
she's okay…" Amanda comes down and hears that M just got startled, and
slipped – and fell into a bunch of boxes. What startled her? "Tina's Muineca
para el Dia de los Muertos." Huh? "Over there." AAAAAAAAUGH! (MesoAmerican tradition: on the "Day of the Dead" in October, people make up lifesize dolls of their deceased loved ones. This one? It's of Tina herself.)
Meanwhile, Tina hears them as they come up the stairs, and realizes Monica
knew what was going on with Phix… "A feeling? When the hell did you start
getting all new-age on me?" "I had a bad feeling, okay! I thought that
something really bad had happened to Tina!" And with a swing of a coffee
carafe: CRACK! OUCHOOWOOWOWOWOWOW SONUVABITCH MY
ARM!!! And, after a visit to the doctor (with Amanda and Monica in tow):
"Look! All fixed! Who wants to sign my cast?" Tina lets Monica know "we're
all on the same page" with Phix. That's when Tina relates about the "backing
over her wrist while trying to parallel park." That surprises Amanda, somehow.
Becky, meanwhile, has been running the shop. (Yes, that's the same woman as
from way way WAYYYY back in 2001!) She apparently knows about the
parallel parking incident. Tina, meanwhile, goes down to the basement for
some sugar… and stops at her Dia de los Muertes doll: "Buenas tardes. That
was the girl we saved. I hope that you can hear me, wherever you are, and
know how sorry I am. We both had a different path, but we saved so many.
You're still thought of, and we still have so much yet to do…" Of course, she
forgot the sugar. And… CRASH! Boom! BONK! CLANG! SPLAT! ("I'm
okay! Ow.") Becky's afraid to suggest installing an elevator, because "I feel
that you'd just squash yourself with the damn thing!"]
How's Your Backstroke? (2010-07-08) [Amanda's a bit concerned about these
"feelings" Monica got. Monica's just sorry she had to see that. Amanda's a bit
puzzled by that. Monica cuts her off: "Thank you for believing in me though.
Seriously." Amanda's getting her own feeling: something's telling her that M's
research has put her in touch with stuff… "that science doesn't have answers
for yet." Why's that? "You're making me curious. That doesn't happen too
much for me, with too many people. You have a jaded quality about you. I feel
like I'm in the way." Monica needs a second to process that… WHAT?
Amanda's noticed that M is just grabbing random books off the shelf. "You
seem like you're stalling." She's looking for clues. "You flipped through a book
about the last ice age, Greek sword hilts, and the Roman invasion of Europe.
Grab that book about Celtic crosses and blow all segues out of the water."
Suddenly, it hits Monica: "CELTIC CROSSES!" Suddenly, it hits her: The
Lanthian refugees were already established in ancient Europe; after an invasion
from a culture near the Middle East, the perfect place to hide a relic would be
right there in the British Isles! (Okay, you, you're creeping me out…) Monica
displays her devilish smile: "Amanda… You've got me on a good day. Wanna
be part of something that could either save or destroy the world? However
telling the wrong person could get you committed or possibly shot. Whadya
say, babe?" Amanda is completely scared… and Monica's trying to back off a
bit, realizing she's seen that look before (right before her parents had her hauled
off to the rubber room)… "M,… I want to help you. Let me. I'm just going to
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get my phone…" "You're my rock! You believe me, right?!" And just as
Amanda's thinking this is a cry for help – and Monica thinks she's thinking
back to the bus incident. "You're thinking the worst… (looks over at her
bulletin board at a picture of Lake Calhoun) Let me ask you one thing before
you make that call… How's your backstroke?" "How's my wha…" POIT! (3, 2,
1) POIT! SPLOOOSH! "You ready to talk?" Monica makes small talk about
"bringing part of the lake with her", motor skills with poiting, and the milfoil…
and finally Amanda grabs her: "WHAT?! THE?!! HELL?!!!" Where? "Lake
Calhoun. No one should have seen you." (Calhoun?) "I sent you there." (You
dropped me into the middle of Lake Calhoun?) "I was proving to you that I
wasn't CRAZY!" (By dropping me 20 plus feet into a lake?! Are you
CRAZY?!!) She's been like a big sister to M since kindergarten. She and her
parents mean well, but "do you know how that felt? To have the ones that you
love, that you trust not believe you, temporarily 'throw you away' until some
'professional' sends you back into society, on probation? I'M NOT CRAZY,
and I can PROVE IT! What you experienced was only a fraction of a percent of
what I've been through! You haven't witnessed crazy!!" Amanda's response is
simple: "Okay… I'm listening." And, over a bottle of Jameson, they go over
what's been happening. The Barista was trying to push Amanda into helping –
why is unknown, and Phix came in to approve and "restore the pecking order."
"And your current 'mission' involves a ghost girl, a possible possession, but not
likely… and a schizophrenic immortal?" "Sounds crazy, huh?" "From the
mouth of the sanest person I know." And what now? Research. "How the hell
did you do it? I mean all of that, all of that stuff. How did you get through it?"
"I had you."]
The Talk With Mom (2010-08-02) [Another morning with mom: Sleepy Jin
isn't processing things this early in the morning. Mom understands why she
doesn't watch the news. "One would get the idea that people all hate each
other." "They do." "Don't say that1 People are just scared. Scared of what they
don't know and scared of what little they think they know." Jin goes off to
mumble something about "grouchy, stop talking." Mom's going to be moving
into her new place. She'll still be around if needed. Jin's thrilled with having her
back. "So, when are you going to introduce me to the guy that you're having
your way with?" Lanthian women "need their outlets. When was the last time
you saw yours?" Mom talks about "noisy sex"! MOM! Strong fingernails? Jin
doesn't really want to have this conversation. "Oh, this has to do with you
adapting to this patriarchal society. You forget that Lanthis was a matriarchal
society. It was that religious uprising that flipped the world over. I'm sure sons
don't have a problem talking with their fathers about the girls they've screwed."
"No, I think that's pretty messed up as well." Truth is, it's something Jin wants
to keep to herself. "I'm not a prude, it's just more fun for me to savor the noisy,
anaerobic sex we have by keeping it private. Understand?" "Wow. Anaerobic
sex. Makes a mother proud!" (Not sure if May was being sarcastic or not
there…)]
Existentialism and Secret Identities (2010-08-09) [Tina pets Kittie while
pondering her existence. The demons don't quite get how she "felt" how much
that broken arm hurt. "Demons don't feel pain, but how would a soul feel pain
either, right?" The thought is confusing to her: Will she remember this life?
When she moves on to another host? Working as a team? Or will they even
move on? "Will I be expired?" Meanwhile, in a bathroom on the other side of
town: can Monica master "poiting the bra on"? POIT! No…. BZZZZZZZZZ
I'm a bug!" In full goofy mode (and her old ballerina costume) she pretends
that she's the Crimson Mantis! And her sidekick, Bumbling Bumblebee! (Poor
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Dietzel. Her arch-enemy – Dr. Custard, with his weapon of a larger waffle cone
and dark chocolate lining! And after six pints of it… she's cursing her "archenemy": "The distended Mantis will now veg in front of bad prime time
television!"]
Watching the Sun Rise (2010-08-16) [Jin's seated, and Bud poits in with a Hey.
"I stopped in to see you. Your mom said that you needed to get some fresh air.
I figured that I'd find you here." And "here" happens to be atop the head of the
Sphinx in Giza. "I needed to catch the sunrise." She prefers to catch it at her
own convenience. Bud points out the magic's gone when "the sun has to work
around your schedule." She thinks she's earned the right to do this as I please.
Irony in the location she's picked? A "warning marker"? Still a danger? How
about "mentally unsound and scared". "The irony is that the calendar was what
was helping me." Bud's "image" is starting to fade… Monica's got a lead about
a Lanthian artifact, smuggled out of ancient Greece, possibly tied into Celtic
crosses… But she already knew that. As we see Bud's "image" dissipate: "You
have to hold on to what's real, and trust that she'll help you the way that you've
helped her. Hold on to what's real."]
Feeling Fun-Sized (2010-08-23) [Monica goes for the "pixie cut" with Deedra
– and forgets about the "balance issues". And just as Bud is complaining about
her "haystack hair", Monica poits in to share her new 'do! Amanda's reaction is
typical: "Okay, who are you and what did you do with the dork?" Of course,
Doubt tries to have her say – but she scores a strike in Demon Bowling!]
Strangely More Satisfying (2010-08-30) [Shelly wants to use Justin's Glock to
shut off the alarm – instead she just obliterates it. During her early-morning
workout (hand-weights, transmission shaft, pull weights) there's a problem:
"JUSTIN! Get your ass out here! There's a huge spider!" Justin goes the
"beneficial" route – but Shelly isn't buying it, as she scrambles up on a stool.
"You're adorable but you scare the hell out of me sometimes." "Do I scare the
hell out of you because I'm adorable, or am I adorable because I scare the hell
out of you?" Shel meets up with Monica at Lake Calhoun – Glow fest! A
spider the size of a catcher's mitt? And now, Shelly's going to have trouble
sleeping. And then at Tina's… Uh, wait, what happened to the "smoke up your
butt" routine? (bad haircuts and distant relationships???) "I'm not your
acquaintance anymore. Friends are obligated to ground you and put things in
perspective…" Tina considers it for a moment: the hair was a "security
blanket" for Monica, and Shelly's confusing sex for closeness. Of course,
Shelly picks up that "Tina said that we're her friends!"]
The Art of Golem Psychological Maintenance (2010-09-13) [Meanwhile, Bud
and Jin meet for tea at the Galleria – though Jin has to use her "old strategies"
to make sure Bud is "real". Hearing things, seeing things – but at least the
world hasn't blown up yet. "Your mom did confirm that she designed the
calendar to fix your schism from reality, but along the way, she discovered that
it could be used to harness the power of a rotating galaxy." It was a power
outlet – like Wardenclyffe Tower and Nikolai Tesla. "We need to find a selfcontained way to plug you back in." She'd piss on a sparkplug if she thought it
would help! What about the visions? "It depends." She was seeing people
around them, just staring at the two of them. Bud notices they're all alone. Jin's
strategy is just to ignore them – but how do you know who's real or not? "I
poke them." (This was before Facebook, I think…) Brandi shows up and starts
her usual small talk. Bud tells Jin she'll talk to "Princess" later. Jin then pokes
Brandi – HEY! "You dork! Brandi's there, I was just choosing to ignore her!"
Brandi gets up to speed about Jin's "visions" – and then she sees one getting up,
walking over, spasming! It's behind Brandi! "And it's going to… GETCHO!"
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Brandi leaps right out of her shoes! Bud decides to "poit" in on Monica… and
realizes Amanda is there. A second later, M poits back in with two coffees.
"Oh… Hey. Will you look who stopped by!" "How many of you can do this
poity thing?" (Bud doesn't feel so stupid now.) Introductions are in order –
Indestructible clay golem, guardian and a dance instructor at Joanne's Elite.
And Amanda's response? "Aw my gawd, you feel so real…" "Apparently,
poking, touching and groping are all computational approaches in the scientific
method." Amanda's still overwhelmed by all this – but not creepy or scary:
"Exhilarating! I've spent so much time maintaining and cultivating my cynical
shell. It feels good to know that there are altruistic forces at work in the world."
(What the hell have you been telling this girl?) Superheroes? Kath enters: "Are
we talking about saving the world again?!" "You must be spider gal!" Doubleface-palm by Bud. Bud gives the Reader's Digest version of Jin's "medical
issues" – and Amanda's response: "We're taking on the health care system?"
Kath: "Whooa."]
Sick Shelly's Sleepy (2010-09-27) [Snot bubbles when you wake are not fun.
Apparently Justin gave it to her. "How'm I s'pose to trust you in the coming
zombie apocalypse if I can't even trust you to keep a dumb cold bug from
me?!" Justin carries her back to bed (Egg drop soup?)]<End of the book Letting
The Dust Settle>
Ignorance, Nose Flicks and Catching Up (2010-10-04) [Tina's day got a bit
darker: "Is… Is it done?" Phix: "You sound nervous... It is done. The demon
world once again has order. All of the law-breakers who used the doorway
were brought before me. They will no longer be a problem. Now, about you…
(Chilling pause) Your names came up. Some felt that you were part of the
problem. But they were reminded that ideas are not punishable, only actions.
You're already living out your other punishment." (Nervous laugh) "That's a
relief. What ideas are you talking about?" CAT SCRATCH to the CHIN!
"Simply relish your ignorance." Meanwhile, Monica comes home – and she's
so glad she's not "in the dark anymore." Doubt chimes in: "You worry about
not having things to worry about." Monica doesn't have time. But it's not all
about her: "Listen, I just wanted to let you know that the criminal demons have
been,… they will no longer be a problem and have been replaced. Order has
been restored. That's the good news." And? "There's been an amendment to the
ancient laws. One that gives demons an outlet so that things don't get out of
hand any time soon." And this one little thing, they're allowed to use "at their
discretion?" While they're not allowed to physically harm her? There's been a
change: NOSE FLICKS! "Take that, you spoiled little brat-princess!" Enter
Kevin, from his four months of "filming a family of otters" in a duck blind was
thrilling… TACKLE! (Shut up and screw me!) So, uh, what happened while I
was away?) "The calendar is gone, the world is saved, Jin has her mom back,
but now Jin is suffering from a synthesized mental health issue she had while
alive. Caught up! Now take off your clothes."]
Blame It On Nudge (2010-10-14) [Tina immediately notices the change in
Monica the next morning. "Silly girl, tell me you didn't break your boy." That's
when Mon notices a band-aid on Tina's chin. "Just a scratch. You know how
cat's get." Monica suggests declawing. "PHIX?! Are you KIDDING?!" (PHIX
did that?) "Before you go all ballistic, demons are not, nor ever will be
domesticated. We are wild animals. A being like me is potentially very
dangerous. The Apotropaic Sphinxes are enforcers that keep us in check.
Remember, I'm your friend… but so is Phix." That's not a pleasant thing for
Monica to contemplate. Of course, "There are demons who have come to enjoy
the company of souls. Even looking out for them." So what's with Phix's
sudden interest in mingling with humans? She's trying to find rogue demons –
and they would have all been in people. Nudge suddenly speaks: Demons
started "settling in" to humans – intelligent enough creatures that, once writing
caught on, the Library caught their attention. Sphinxes were dispatched to deal
with them. The only way they could determine if a human was infected with
rogues was to ask a riddle. Monica connects the dots: "And kill the human to
get to the demons. Dear Goodness! No wonder sphinxes got a bad rap in some
circles." Nudge: "Murderous bitches, just doing their jobs… until one got an
answer that stumped her." "That's why she (Phix) isolated herself in the
library?" CHONK! SLAM! "BLAME THAT ON NUDGE!" And suddenly,
they're in the Library! "Tag, Nudge! You're it!" All Monica can get out is a
"big NO!" before a Phix right hook knocks Nudge completely out of Tina! Phix
apologizes profusely to Tina. "I had my suspicions but until moments ago, I
wasn't completely sure. Nudge has been eluding me for quite some time.
(Monica's confused.) Nudge is the original librarian. She tricked the Sphinxes
into letting her go free." Expository time: "Nudge is one of the original
tricksters. Much like Loki. She liked rubbing her cleverness in the faces of
those more powerful than her. She pissed off enough that they locked her here
in the library. All the knowledge of the universe and no one to trick." Except,
of course, she DID trick the Sphinxes. "They took my place and at least one
sphinx at any given time would have to keep watch in the library." Phix isn't
happy at being reminded: "I was lowest on the totem pole, so you can
imagine." (THWOCK on Nudge's head!) Nudge felt that one: "Oedipus had
searched out the library annex as a way to solve the scourge of the Sphinx and
the slaughtering of humans. (DEMON INFESTED Humans!) I just provided
him with a book from the library. I told him to throw it at her. She (Phix)
ripped it to shreds, then vanished." Phix takes her by the neck: "It was the book
with your punishment written in it. You knew it would condemn those
responsible for its destruction to take your place. But that's temporary. I
brought you back!" Monica's trying to stop things: Where's the book now?
"Hidden!" (So she's stuck here because of the book?) "The law of the book is
what's keeping her here. The sphinxes enforce the laws." (So how did you end
up back here?) "For those moments that the book was gone, Nudge could go
free – there was no law. I was held responsible when the book came back and
held in her stead. I occasionally had the freedom to hunt for her. Oedipus
padded his story." Monica doesn't see being a librarian as a "jail sentence."
Nudge argues she doesn't mislead people. "I get people to look at things
differently. In ways they might not want to. I help them determine why they're
doing something. And some don't like the answers that they find!" Some name
calling: heh, Dante and Virgil getting a snow cone; and a "violent bully" – but
there's just one problem: her "trick" caused "the one sphinx that had nothing to
do with the killings (to be) imprisoned in the library!" (What?) "I wasn't the
sphinx stationed outside of Thebes until that day. I was against killing via a
riddle!" "How was I to know that she was a damn activist? I help people even if
it does make me an enemy!" (Click) "That's why you both need to stay here,
and work together." The Library SPEAKS! "Bugger! I've done my bleedin'
time already! I've brought you Nudge! I thought that this would be over!" "This
is no longer a punishment for either one of you. You've both proven how
valuable you are. You're no longer condemned to stay in the library. It will still
be under the guard of the sphinxes. From this point forward, you are both head
librarians. Go well." Phix is non-plussed: "All this time, I sat in silence. And
now the Library finally chooses to speak." Nudge hug! "We're going to be
ROOMIES!!" Meanwhile, Monica asks Tina if she's okay? "I feel… lighter.
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But in a good way." Monica turns as she prepares to Poit out: "If we're done
here, 'ladies', we'll show ourselves out. POIT!]
Even Bigger Things (2010-11-08) [Meanwhile, Amanda is reveling in the
things she's found out – with Selenium: "I still hold firm that the vast majority
of humans are idiots, but to know that there's something larger and beyond us,
potentially run by even bigger idiots. That's amazing!" A whole world of
adventure is out there. "This world would have to show me sumthin' pretty god
damned amazing just to compare." And with a Hack and hurk: Selenium horks
up a hairball about the same size as him! The return landing was smooth – in
Tina's basement… but there's just one little problem: "Your bra feels like a
military helmet." After fixing the wardrobe malfunction – "Hey, are you going
to be okay?" Tina finally ponders what just happened: "Me? Yeah, sure. Phix
was after Nudge, not us, er, me. It's not like we were ever in danger… (losing
it) I mean, like…" (lost it… Monica hugs) Tina's spent so much time keeping
an eye out for Monica, it's time she return the favor. "That really means a lot.
And I hate to cash-in on that sentiment so soon but, how fast can you learn to
use a commercial espresso machine? I hear a ton of customers upstairs." The
next day, Monica makes her annual "oh hey it's been so nice here in the Twin
Cities lately" FWUMP! SNOW! comments. That DID it: "Don't fool with
mother nature? Listen bitch, don't screw with ME!" And suddenly, six feet of
snow falls on the Spoiled Princess cruise liner in the Bahamas… M wishes she
could just poit away the whole storm system, but that'd just screw up the whole
planet. She'd love to get away from it for a few days… OH DUUUH! Fast
forward to M sitting on a sandy beach in a jaguar-print bikini, sipping on an
exotic fruity drink. Now THERE's how you beat winter.]
The Crusade of The Lost Girls (2010-11-18) [Amanda shows up at M's office
the next day: One of the photo books she has was a photo essay about a tiny old
village in Ireland. One of the headstones has a large tree growing around it –
what little is visible is a Celtic cross. "Why does that stand out?" "The name on
the cross is Yggdrasil. That's Norse." The name of the Tree of Life! Meets all
the specifications: hidden right out in the open. And that leads to Amanda's
next question: "How did the basement girl get such a lovely tan?" Monica
offers her the chance to join her for a visit sometime. She is also marveling at
Amanda's lack of cynicism. There's a difference between "amazing" and
"cynicism." This is a child's dream. (Not one that any kid should ever deal
with.) "My mother concluded each day with several Manhattans and then she'd
tell me why my absent father was a piece of $#!+ until she finally fell asleep."
(That stops the conversation.) It's an escape. M has hers, Amanda has the Ghost
Hunters. "I had plenty to run away from while growing up. This is all more like
Neverland than you probably realize." (Great, I'm leading the Crusade of the
Lost Girls!) The next morning sees Jin awake – and blaming an ice monster for
"eating the sun." Meanwhile, Alan's a bit concerned: "Jin, stop yelling! You're
going to set the curtains on fire!" She needs her sunshine… and warmth… and
then she crawls back into bed: "We're not talking about the weather anymore,
are we?"]
Stronger Than She Looks (2010-11-26) [Tina notes that Shelly's outfit is a
bit… well, "I'd be freezing my ass off in that tiny jacket!" As long as she keeps
her hands and feet warm, she does pretty good in the cold. "Besides, my middle
area has had enough friction to keep me warm all day." (Score one for
boyfriends!) That brings up a question Shelly's wondered: "Have you ever…"
(drank orange juice after brushing my teeth?) No. (Wave to someone I thought
was waving at me but they were waving at someone else?) No. (Cough, burp,
and fart at the same time?!) No, you dingleberry! Have you ever had sex?!"
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That'd be an interesting… idea. "That would involve a partner. It's confusing
for me, for us. I'm not one entity. I'm a freak, you know?" "Have you looked at
Jin, M and me? C'mon, dude!" That leads to the next question: Does "officer
Crotch-rocket" got the lowdown yet? No, not sure if she can tell him. Tina
realizes something: "You and Sunshine don't have any strategies in place if the
wrong folks find out, do you? I mean, if someone found out about the three
girls, me… Your guys' abilities,… (M's ability to poit) Your strength!" So? She
lifts weights. Tina gives her "the look", and hands her a stainless-steel frothing
cup. "Try to squish it." She tries – and can't even dent it. "That's okay. I was
just messin' with you. You're always dim enough to fall for it, too." WHAT?!
(CLANK) THAT was what she was talking about! Did it hurt? "Actually, that
hurt quite a bit…" Entre Bud – who finds out what Shelly just did! (YOU SEE
ME JUST FINE DON'T YOU) "Really? Did she use her head or did she hit it
with Tepoz?" Shelly doesn't want to be seen as some freak! Bud grabs her
fingers and pulls her arm back suddenly. "Do I need to break your arm and
dislocate your…" "NO! GEEZUS CHRIST! NO!!" "You don't have super
powers, you're just very strong. Quit being so emo!" Bud's in on the gravestone
in Ireland clue; "What's wrong with Unreadable Girl?" She's got a psychiatric
issue that seeped into her "matrix", despite the absence of a physical brain.
(Sounds like most presidencies to Shelly.) Meanwhile, Bud's reminded about
everyone being soap bubbles compared to her. That brings up a question (even
as Shelly's bracing against the wind as they cross Hennepin Avenue) Are all
three golems equally strong? Each of them have their own strengths.]
Interlude and Guest Strips (2010-12-17) [After two "cheesecake" filler strips,
we have another round of guest strips: Bea Goz, Lupi Loops, Meaghan
Beninati, Lyndsey Raney, and Seamus Patrick Burke]
Audio Catalogues (2010-12-27) [Winter has hit the Twin Cities hard –and
Monica's starting to wonder if they need to measure the snow in feet instead of
inches! (Ding dong) "Who the heck could that be?" And there, stuck to the
snow piled outside her front door, is the mailman! The city shuts down, but she
still gets mail. She may get nostalgic about "analog correspondence", but since
it's quickly becoming the "bill-only" realm, that may "cure her". And what,
pray tell, is among the bills? Audio Advisor, her audio catalog! She flips
through it lovingly – and she finds they actually have a limited stock of Sovietmade tubes from 1991 to 1993! "Dietzel, mommy needs her card number now."
Monica blabbers on about these tubes to Kevin over the phone… "Yes, I'll still
have sex with you, silly!" (Dietzel grimaces – what a way to end the year!)]
Visiting The Sand Bar (2011-01-03) [The girls (Bud, Shelly, Brandi, Amanda,
Jin and Monica) are all at the sand bar with Monica: A key for fixing Jin, at an
old derelict part of a graveyard in Ireland. If it isn't the key itself, it might be a
marker of some importance. Amanda "And we're not ripping the tree open yet
because…?" Jin states the obvious: "Nothing is ever that easy." (Yeah, what Jin
said.) Jin likes the sandbar. Nice and secluded. Amanda: "Yeah, but all we
need is a nuclear sub puttin' around out there to get a gander at a deserted
island populated by broads in bikinis and no boat." Shelly points out: "We're in
the middle of the Bermuda friggin' Triangle!" So. Bud has come to the
conclusion that it's unlikely someone else is looking for whatever it is, but they
don't want to draw "unwanted attention." Probably only one of them. Brandi
votes for Bud. Jin seconds it! "HEY!" The others all give good reasons why
she's ideal: fastest on thinking on her feet; Brandi freezes up on curve balls, and
Jin's nuts! Bud can poit in and rip the tree apart, if needed. Maybe Shelly
should come with? "After all, I'm still just a fancy machine." What about M?
This thing's been kept hidden from glyph readers. Might be safer if she sits this
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one out. Shelly doesn't know what they're dealing with! None of them do, Bud
points out. And this is beyond anything May would know about. Big-mouth
Brandi recalls back to ST:TMP and "V'ger"… SHUT UP! (Now Shelly really
doesn't wanna go.)]
Conversations With Conscience (2011-01-11) [Oh, look, Connie drops in for a
visit. (Or is it the other way around? "What are you so afraid of?" Fear of the
unknown? "You're missing the point: How many grown men would $#!+ their
pants if left alone in a dark room with me? Think of what you've been through.
The things you've seen. Your mom. Do you really feel that you can't handle
what's next? (Maybe I don't want to handle what's next!) Let's be perfectly
honest. Sometimes helping others can be a selfish way to save your own ass."
Talking about saving the world again? "If the closest thing to her condition is
schizophrenia, then she's not going to be much of a danger. It's not like she's
paranoid. But there's also the possibility of a young girl in the mix. One who
saw the fire wall and she got mixed in with the chimera. The girl Bud sees.
(She doesn't even know she's dead, does she?) You won't remember, but you
didn't (know you were dead), when I first came to be." Suddenly, Shelly has a
change of heart: "I'LL DO IT!"]
The Odd Couple (2011-01-17) [Nudge had forgotten how beautiful the Library
was on her last visit. Phix points out she was "too busy thinking of a way to
screw someone else over." And she's probably doing it again now – but she's
not stuck here! THEY'RE not stuck here! The Apo Sphinxes protect it. The two
of them are "like independent contractors. We're valuable!" "EXACTLY!
Don't. Screw. This. Up." Phix gives her the rundown – most of the visitors are
regulars. Only help those who ask for help. Chasing away the "glory seekers" is
the Apos' job. "And remember, don't ever get between an Apo and their victim.
Actually, I take that back. And while you're at it, go play in traffic." (HEY!)
Nudge wants Phix to admit she was a worthy adversary – and she bested her. "I
let you live, you little piece of…" "Just admit that you like me." And Earth?
Nudge admits that being "with Tina was like viewing things through a
stereograph. I was there, but it didn't feel real." And as for taking a human
form? Oops. That's not one of her strong points. Go look it up in a book. "Oh,
hey! We're in a library! It's your lucky day." (Har-de-friggen Har!)]
The Return of Nudge (2011-01-21) [She does some consultation: think about
the look of the people she'll be emulating: Monica and her friends. Nerdy, cute,
kinda hip, but not really. Sexy, in a semi unintentional way. "No, I think they
may be unaware of being sexy…. I'm over thinking things." THIP! Nine feet
down to five and a half. "I need a mirror." Back at the shop: Tina likes the
concept of the sand bar, and she's invited. To business: They're looking for a
stone marker – a gravestone. Okay, a stone in a graveyard. "Learn to simplify
things in your life. Prioritize what to make complicated." (Find that app, I'll
download it.) Research? Expedition? Research would be circular; "This is
some object that was kept secret on purpose." Shel wonders: "Do you think
what you may've done (the other 56-some) times?" Tina's pretty sure this is the
first time the rats were steering the ship. Jin wouldn't let that happen – twice.
Shelly doesn't like the term "rats steering the ship". Shelly thinks she's "more
complicated than that." Creepy girl? The dreams of "a lost, dark version of
myself, locked in some boiler room. She lashed out at anyone who got close to
her. That wasn't a demon. That was my own fear of loss and getting close to
anyone." Connie and her have a lot in common: Not a demon, but one entity,
with a lifespan. "Leave that kind of thinking to ones at the grown-up table!"
HAH! "You can dish it out but you can't take it!" And just then – enter Nudge!
"Sonuva-b, b, b, BITCH! How do you animals survive without fur?!
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COFFEE!!!" She's a bit under-dressed for January in Minneapolis – but Shelly
doesn't recognize her. "Shelly, stand by the door." Nudge suddenly realizes
she's in enemy territory: "Hey,… Phix was having a bit of fun at my expense."
"Was she now?" (Uh…) Connie rings the bell! THOCK! Shelly is SHOCKED!
"Oh, I'm sorry, Shelly. (picking her up by the hair) Let me introduce you to the
individual that got me up and out of the morgue. She calls herself 'Nudge'. For
giving me momentum, I will forever be grateful." KICK to the midsection!
"THIS, is for letting me think that I was about to become fodder for an elite
demon predators!!" Connie's a bit concerned: "Aw, damn, dude! You better get
in there." Peacemaker Shelly: "Remember, you're not supposed to hurt
anyone…" Tina, with tears streaming down her angry face: "She's not
HUMAN! She's a demigod. An ancient being, like Phix! Apparently she has
the habit of making folks angry! She's a pathetic, low-life TRICKSTER!" This
triggers something in Shelly – her vision quest started by chasing… a coyote
into the woods! "Did I follow you into the wild all those years ago?" "Little
Comanche, I was told to." Shelly puts the pieces together: "I was delirious. I
thought it was a vision. I assumed the coyote was my anima. So I followed it…
Much later, a rabbit found me. It turned out to be Jin. You weren't trying to
help me… YOU WERE TRYING TO GET ME KILLED, YOU
SONUVABITCH!" "Shelly, not by that wall! I just had it painted. Kill her over
there!" Enter Monica: "I can't believe this. You guys, if I had not stopped
by…" And after a face palm: "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU
THREE IDIOTS?" All three start making excuses. "ENOUGH! (POIT!)
Welcome to where my g'pa brought me skydiving! We're at 13,000 feet! That
gives you only a few minutes to sort your $#!+!" Predictably – they're all
grabbing hold of each other as they're all poited back. Mad Monica lays into
Tina: "You need to watch what you say to others when you're angry. 'Gee,
Shelly, don't kill her over here, kill her over there.' Are you STUPID?!! Don't
tell anyone to kill, period! You're a ####### DEMON, you moron! She
would've followed through with it!" Shelly pushes the two of them away: "I'd
think for all your damn smarts, that you coulda handled that better!" Monica
reminds Shelly of what Tina is: "She's not domesticated. She looks civil and
friendly but she can still turn on us in a flash." Tina agrees – she wasn't in
control; she was running on pure instinct. "But the bit about the wall, it was a
lot of work." Tina warned Monica about something like this. Nudge doesn't get
it. "Pouring salt in a wound! I thought that you'd have two brain cells to rub
together, and stay at the Library until we came to you!" This wasn't going to be
a pleasant reunion, but it was all because they played a role in something larger
than themselves. (Oh, and the knife was for a slice of pie… silly.) After a hard
day like that, Tina's demons "get up and stretch 'em out" – but we only see six
of them. Then, after bit, a rapping, a gentle tap-tap-tapping on the door! The
demons all return to their host: "It's here. PIZZA! NO ANCHOVIES!" (One
late demon: "Hey! Let me back in!")]
The Light Inside Shelly (2011-02-15) [Shelly and Bud talk about things: The
hardest part is waiting until warmer weather… and that's when Shelly reveals
about the whole "almost controlled into killing someone" thing. She explains:
"At the time, I was trying to calm the situation, but then I became upset. There
was another level, tho'. It was animal-like. I was totally onboard, like I was
following a program. But Monica stepped in and all was peachy!" That has
Bud stumped. Shelly takes Bud out to the archery range. (It was a coping
mechanism.) Shelly sees something in Bud that she wants. "I call it restraint."
"THAT! I WANT THAT!!" Shelly realizes she's still got issues from grade
school – losing her mom? It came before that: born with a chip on my shoulder.
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Solve everything with violence – why? Fear? "What's your earliest memory?"
She's not sure if it's just "retro-feelings". What about the Tchotchkes? Always
had them, always matter-of-fact about them. "But, my dad, he… I was holding
one of the dolls. I had it up by the window in the morning sun. I was singing.
He knocked it out of my hands. Hard. That was the only time he ever raised his
hand to me. Then he told me to get my butt in bed. (He punished you by
sending you to bed?) He sent me to bed because it was night." (Dun-dunDUNNNNN!) Time loss. Dad won't likely talk about it. "I do think that your
dad was just trying to protect you… You sound like you were frozen in place,
by a music note, sunlight, and a compressed diamond. And you're not a
golem." (In other words – she activated one of the dolls unintentionally.)]
Jin's Winter Issues (2011-02-28) [Jin sits up in bed, eyes closed: "Okay, it's
morning. The start of a new day. Please let them be gone, when I open my
eyes. (Eyes open) Damn, you bastards! (looking out her window – with ten
zombie-like "beings" looking back at her, with no mouths – just eyes – and
snow in the background) Do you hear me, stupid snowflakes?! GO AWAY!!"
Sitting by the fire, Jin tries to focus: Alan doesn't need her grumpiness. She
uses a golem technique for warming up – hand in fire, then sit on it for warm
butt! Alan comes by with a large box! Jin's excited! It's a… snowsuit. "Please,
try it on." She looks like a goober. "You are a goober." Now what? "We go
outside." Not going ANYWHERE in this! "Where we're going, it won't be an
issue." What? ZZZOOOOOM! Snowmobiling! Ski jumped out onto the frozen
LAKE? That could've KILLED YOU! Hug time. While seated on the
snowmobile, Jin sees a vision walking toward her. She turns, tries not to look,
then peeks back: Right in her face! THAT scares her more than any
snowmobile jump! (And that little girl looks familiar…) "GET AWAY! YOU
STAY THE #### AWAY FROM MY BOYFRIEND! DON'T YOU HURT
HIM!" (Sweetie…. There's no one there.) "Damn it… I'm, I'm so sorry that you
had to see that." (Your friends are trying to help you. I'm doing my part.
Besides, you yell at snow, too.) "Shut up."]
Tasty Treats and Tubes (2011-03-09) [Shelly shows up at Mucho Mocha to an
embarrassed Tina. Honest and well-intentioned. "It presently suits me.
Remember that, Wind-girl." Becky agrees: "Yeah, Tina tries to paint herself off
as a tyrant boss and not human, but she's too much of a sweetie to make it
stick." (That too.) Becky's the head pastry chef at Feuillet's. "She's awesome! I
want to be her when I grow up!" Meanwhile, Monica makes the mad midMarch dash to the mailbox, where just as she pulls out her package –
WHUMP! Snow! "Foul snow, your reign is coming to an end! It'll be in the
50's this week! And I've got one parting word for you!" PBBBBT! Meanwhile,
the package is… the TUBES! Monica presents a demonstration: "Mobile
Fidelity's ultra analog of Paglucci." Even Dietzel loves the performance! (and
after a St. Patty's Day distraction) Dietzel whines as he's listening to his Bose
CD player. "Hey, it's not my fault that you can hear the difference now!"]
Brandi's Story (2011-03-21) [Jin – the "Unknown Angel" that tried to save Bud
and Brandi (aka Jin). She couldn't watch, though. Even as Jin eviscerated the
priests, Brandi couldn't watch. The guards were fearful – but Brandi did
nothing. Jin got shot in the knee – and they made Brandi watch as they beat her
and sliced her up. I'm not sure how much time had passed, but I woke to having
oil poured over us from the surface. The fallen angel was slicing her wrists
with a stone. Then we were set on fire. Brandi lets a fly land on her palm – then
it flies away.]
Stinky and the Submarine (2011-03-28) [Bud lays back on the sandbar – and
suddenly realizes someone's watching her. She turns, smells an "awful stench"
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– and then sees: STINKY! (The giant squid!) "You're still alive! Such a good
boy!" Brandi would go nuts if she saw him! "Do you still have your toy?!"
THUD! A huge anchor! "Okay, Stinky, Go long for this one!" The huge squid
plays fetch with Bud. "Okay, close your eyes for this one. Do it by sound,
Stinky! Don't cheat, no peeking!" Eyes closed, Bud launches the anchor… and
after a while. THOOOM! A U-BOAT??? Just a few miles from here? "I need
my laptop." After a brief search, she finds that "U-296 was lost off the shore of
Ireland. She isn't noted for ever sinking anything or ever being in any
skirmishes. She never lost any men, until she went missing." What the heck
was it doing in the Triangle? Or better yet, what were they doing in Ireland?
Wait a minute. The Germans were also deployed on missions to recover
artifacts that they felt had paranormal properties. Spotless record, special
assignment, found something, and it led them here… Meanwhile, Stinky's
playing fetch with himself. The hole in the back looks like an explosion, not an
implosion. And, she shuffles down the ladder of the hatch – and into the sub.
Lots of bullet holes. Better not be Zombie Nazis. Nope – just dead ones. Rather
dry interior for a sunken U-boat. Shooting at – each other? More bodies farther
from the damaged engine room. And then the captain… What the heck?
Chained to the torpedo tube? And a relic that looks like something similar to
the Celtic Cross… What's this other cord by his hand? Oops… a German
HAND GRENADE! BOOOOOOOOOM! (So much for the sandbar…) Brandi
hears her return POIT – and as she wishes they could tan, she turns to see… a
blown-up Acacia, wearing what was left of the porthole! Burning petroleum
smell? Bud explains: she blew up Monica's Sand Bar. Brandi immediately
blames her bathing suit and airplane crashes. A submarine! A grenade! Talk to
the captain? WHO'S ON FIRST? She explains: it was a shipwreck. "I believe
that it's connected with the relic we're looking for to help Jin." "How did you
find it?" "I, I didn't, actually, Stinky did, and…" STINKY'S ALIVE?!!]
The Relic (2011-04-18) [Monica's response? YOU BLEW UP MY WHAT?!
Bud explains: "Something happened aboard that sub. The captain, he didn't
want it in anyone else's hands! But he died before he could destroy it." IT?
WHAT? "This…. Thing." The relic looks amazingly like a Celtic Cross – but it
has "prongs" on the bottom (and a chain). "Don't touch it! Hold it by the chain,
like I'm doing! I thought you were observant!" "Geezus Bud! It's not like it's
magic! Let me see the…" A horror from beyond screams out at Monica!
"That's enough, Princess. I'm guessing by the look on your face, that the relic
creates visions. A banshee, perhaps?" "THAT… THING looked like JIN! What
is that?" "Not sure, but someone had to touch it and find out. Wasn't going to
be me! (THE HELL?!!) Brandi owes me a dollar." Lanthians and "Psychosteam punks of the Ancient World!" Creating things that blow up in your face,
just because you needed an automated apple peeler! Bud takes offense: "I'm the
Lanthian equivalent of your Midwestern farm girl with common sense!" Sad
Tina appears: "Does this mean that we're not going to the beach?" Bud answers
Monica's questions with a lot of "Don't knows". Bud thinks they still need to go
to the graveyard – just as Shelly wanders in: "We're not going to the island,
huh?" IT. WASN'T. MY. FAULT!!! Tina fills her in on what Bud did let them
know. The relic matches the description of the one we're after. And Shelly
picks it up: "You mean, this thing?" SHELLY!!! "Hey! I just wanted to see it!"
It apparently doesn't work for Shelly. Tina: "Maybe it does. The vision could
be like a guard dog program." That scares Bud more than seeing the scary
vision.]
The Time Forest (2011-04-28) [Shelly feels weird with them all watching. Just
pretend we're not here. "Yeah, whatever. Easier said than… Done." Shelly
finds herself standing in front of a large tree in a dark forest… And suddenly:
"Huumaan… I know you." A large sphinx crawls over with wings. "It was less
than a cycle when you were here last." "You're a sphinx." "I'm an executioner."
"I haven't done anything wrong!" "You're trespassing. Unless you can prove
that you have a purpose here." "I, I don't even know where I am!" "Then I'll
have to kill you." "Well, shoot! What was I thinking? What can you tell me
about this place?" "Indeed, you must be an adventurer the likes of Odysseus or
Gisaultees four millennia before him." "I'm not an adventurer. I'm trying to
help." "You can't truly see all there is to see without adventure and some
danger." (This sphinx looks… familiar.) "I'm not looking for trouble. Can you
help me?" "I'll show you your trial… the rest is up to you. I just clean up the
ones who mess it up." "Wait a minute! You're going to tell me what the trial is,
right? Not just show me somethin' and I need to guess?" "It's simple. Sword,
stone. Pull out the sword. Can't do it, I kill you." "But the sword doesn't have a
handle! I'll slice my hand open! (looks down at the relic) Wait! This thing. It's
part of the trial! (goes over to the sword) "It… fits on the sword! (the Sphinx
half-smiles – she's getting it! Shelly raises it over her head in triumph) I've
wanted to do this all my life! (Interlude for Cinco de Mayo) Holy crap! That
was easy! I got the sword! And it was exciting! Now what do I do with it?"
CHONK! "You have the sword… Do you think that I'm just going to let you
slice the sacred tree?" "Wha, what? Slice the WHAT? I don't know what you're
talking about!" "Do you think I'm just going to let you slice the sacred tree?" "I,
I told you. I don't know what you're talking about!" (Facepalm for a Sphinx)
"Oh for Pete's sake…" Shelly points the sword threateningly: "Is this some
kind of joke to you? Am I just a toy? I'm trying to help someone!" "Pay
attention and listen. I say, 'Do you think that I'm going to… Let you slice… the
sacred tree?' (points over toward the tree) Grrr. Arrrg. From me, but I don't
try… to actually… OH FOR #### SAKE! Quit staring at me like a damn cow
and CUT THE TREE OPEN!" Shelly stands, and the Sphinx steps aside:
"Here, let me get out of your way. I don't want to get sliced by that damn
sword. Okay, just like a lumberjack, take a big swing. (first swing – THOCK!
But not much of a cut.) "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? You swing like
you're doing the dishes!" Angry Shelly is ANGRY! SWISH! Clean through!
"Damn. You told me that that would work…" Shelly asks: "What is all of
this?" "This is a Time Keeping Forest. The trees are used to keep track of
time… at least, they were. It's outdated technology, but the forest is looked
upon as sacred. Needless to say, it's a safe place to hide something." "You said
that you know me, but I've never been here before…" "Never say never. You're
the one who put the sword in the stone. You hid the hilt in the graveyard on
earth with the marker. And you put the thing inside the tree." (Shelly reaches
into the stump and pulls out a tube from a knot in the tree) "This? I put this
here?" "You need to put that inside the relic. Unscrew the top and remove the
blade." "That's it? That almost seems too easy. What was it that I hid inside the
tree?" "Plutonium." (Pause for effect) "Plutonium? Isn't that dangerous?" The
Sphinx isn't liking what's about to happen: "I'm so sorry. Honey, your job is
done. It's lethal, to you. The tube that you found it in, amplifies and recycles
the gamma radiation, so, no half-life. The relic shields and harnesses the
radiation. It's lined with beryllium. It's a self-sustaining power source. (The
blisters have already appeared on Shelly's skin as the radiation is hitting her)
"So, it's safe now? I take this back, right? I'm done here, right?" "I'm, I'm sorry.
It was lethal. Your organs are… probably failing. I'm sorry." Blood is flowing
from Shelly's mouth, nose, ears: "NO!!! I CAME HERE TO HELP! I NEED
TO GO BACK! I NEED, (koff gasp)… the calendar."]
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Go Home Now (2011-05-16) [So fragile. You've been here fifty six times. I was
the first here, you know. Once I got here, I couldn't leave. It took me a while to
figure out what was happening. I kept meeting myself. Nothing could hurt me
here, and I wouldn't die. I was trapped. I thought this might be hell… A
punishment. Earth's time, your time, was running opposite the time here.
Whereas I was the last of fifty six, you were the first. I… I think that I… Can go
home now. That… that sounds so odd. Is that my home? It's where I came
from… I don't remember what I was doing before coming here? What was I
thinking about… Or worried about? Do you want to know where Sphinxes
come from? They're born… as humans. I was. Just as you were… Maybe, this
is hell. What scares me more than the possibility of being stuck here, is that the
relic will take me back. To somewhere I've forgotten. (Over the relic, she
ponders it) I… I don't remember who's waiting for me… Was I alone? Will I
remember anyone if they are there? (Picks it up) How dare I forget! Maybe I
do deserve to be left… "HOLY CRAP! The relic blew her clothes off!" Bud
snags the relic from Shelly's hands: "I GOT IT!" Monica: "Shelly! Are you
okay? Are you hurt? Here, sweetie. Come sit down. Bud, grab me a blanket?
(I'm on it, babe!) Shelly?" (seated, covered in a blanket… the Sphinx looks
around) "Fresh cut… grass… Mon… Mon. Monica? MONICA! (grabs her)
DO NOT! I repeat, DO. NOT. OPEN. THE. RELIC! It's a power source. The
radiation will kill you!" And suddenly, another voice is screeching in the
background: "MOOOONICA! I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!!" Tina's
backed against the window: "SOMETHING'S WRONG! That can't be Shelly!
It IS Shelly, but…. She's…" "A sphinx. I'm a sphinx. I always have been.
Sphinxes had sex in human form with ancient humans before eventually
isolating themselves from humans. The recessive genes have gone down
through history with a very rare result. Mortal sphinx hybrids." Tina points out
the obvious: "But, you're almost 80,000 years old!" "Yes… and no. I was
somewhere that a single sphinx can not be harmed. I couldn't die. On earth, I'll
only live as long as any human. Phix visited me. I learned as much from her
words as I did from her silence." Monica's in the confusion corner: "Wait, back
up! What? You didn't go anywhere… did you?" Bud: "I think Tina would beg
to differ." Shelly looks over to Tina: "Let's just say, that I'm not a demon
hunter. I've met some of them. I'm not one of them." In my run ins with nature's
apex, I can say that Phix is a bubbly, potted little daisy." Monica is concerned:
"They didn't try to hurt you, did they?" "They were scared of me. They would
never admit to that, though. Actually, it wasn't specifically me they were scared
of. It was my companion." Who? "My companion." CONNIE! "I don't want to
scare your friends." Monica's confused even more now: "Shelly? What the
hell?" "Calm down, pixie. I've been with Shelly for as long as you've known
her. I'm not some new danger or some kind of parasite that…" "You know
what? Shut up. I wasn't talking to you. But since I have your attention, what the
hell ARE you? Some kind of autonomous demon or imp?" "Now listen here,
Jugs! Shelly had combined her demons into me on her vision quest! I oughta
beat…" (Shelly quickly grabs her) "Oookay then! She can be a bit protective."
Bud: "I think I like the little elemental."]<End of the book Visits To A
Sandbar>
Shelly's Back (2011-05-27) [Shelly explains: "My companion is not evil, nor is
she autonomous. She dies when I die. She kept me going all those millennia in
the Time Forest." Bud: "Sounds like she kept you safe, as well." Connie (still
staring down Monica – okay, up; she's not that tall): "Apos are all about
pigeon-holing things. They couldn't find a spot for me. That upset them. Upset
them in a pissing-their-pants kind of way." Suddenly, in a single poit: NUDGE!
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"IS SHE BACK? IS SHE OKAY? THERE YOU ARE! YOU DID IT! (I, uh…
Oh dear.) YOU DID IT! WE DID IT!" SLURRRRRRP! "I've never been part
of a clandestine plan before! Your use of codes was the best! Just like you said,
I made sure Shelly-'Steak Sauce' was in the wilderness. I took that to mean,
Shelly number 57. That's you! Thus helping you to help yourself get the
battery." Shelly's embarrassed: "Uh, actually, I just said to make sure that I,
'me', 'stays lost' in the wilderness. But, that's good. It all worked out." Monica
has an obvious question: "How are you poiting?" Tepoz has been playing
"Soccer mom." So… Nudge was responsible for Shelly dying on her vision
quest? "And I (Shelly) told her to make sure of that." "In turn, making me
(Connie). I kept Shelly safe from the other Sphinxes in the forest." Nudge:
"The apos would've been the only beings that could've hurt her there. And most
importantly, this is the key to help fix Jin." What exactly is that thing,
anyways? Is it safe to touch? It's uses wormhole activity as a way of being selfpowered. It's all internal and safe to touch. Tina, though, pulls Monica back:
"Get that thing away from Sunshine!" What Monica isn't sure of is how it helps
Jin. Bud's familiar with it: "It harnesses the power of the rotating galaxy,
correct?" Connie: "Exactly! And yet, it doesn't itself affect the galaxy. There's
no feedback like with the Calendar Machine. All the power, none of the horse
$#!+ like before." (Well, Jin did say she'd piss on a sparkplug.) Monica's still a
bit uncertain about Shelly: "Monica, look at me! I'm fine! My memory is back.
I can remember ten minutes ago like it was ten minutes ago. I'm the same
Shelly who walked in expecting to go to the sandbar with you." M: "But…
you're a sphinx! And all that time, somewhere else…" "I was a sphinx before I
left! I just didn't know it. But I've always felt like I was a guardian of sorts."
M's down after hearing that: "I didn't think that when I woke up this morning,
that I'd feel so guilty and sad all at once." Connie: "The hard part's over. And
just think of the stories the big lug will have for you." But then comes the word
that gets Monica in an angry funk: "'Should.' I hate that word! It's the drunken
uncle of the word family. It tricks you into thinking it means well…"]
Reconnecting (2011-06-07) [Shelly, clad in Monica's 8-ball tee shirt, returns
home – phone, poster, arms… sitting down on a milk crate in her kitchen. A
night of restless sleep, and then… a phone call. "Hey. Uh, it's Shelly. Are you
busy? Can I meet you somewhere?" In a park, in Minneapolis, a figure walks
up to a meditating Shelly. "Heather." She asks: "How are things with… Vickie,
right?" "We're still seeing each other… she's awesome …She wants to move in
together." "That's good, right?" "Not sure how I feel about it yet… She says
that she'll wait. The crappy part is, that almost screams that she's the right one
for me. I'm just not sure that I'm the right one for her. (long silence) Okay, spill
it, Wahnee. I do enough brooding for the both of us. What's up?" "You know,
those movies, where the character can keep redoing things, or is forced to, until
they get it right, then the film ends? What do you think that the character learns
from that? Do you think it screws them up for future decisions, or do you think
it helps them make better decisions?" (pause) "I think it helps the viewer see
how decisions can have cascading consequences." "So, you're saying, that in
some stories, it may not be important that the characters learned anything, but
instead the readers? Like a fable?" "Yeah,… something like that. It's a literary
technique. The characters are metaphors." "Yeah, that's great… wonderful.
How does that help me now? Who's the audience in this scenario?" Now
Heather's confused: "What the heck are you talking about? What happened?'
"People in real life experience things. The key word being 'experience.'
Shouldn't that teach them something? Shouldn't we learn from our experiences?
Let's just say that I went through… something 'life-changing'… and I'm afraid
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that I might've missed something. I feel… nothing. NOTHING! What does that
say about me? Shelly the Dense! Queen of the Dim-Wits!" "This doesn't seem
like an answer but not everything is obvious. It's possible to grow and not 'feel'
any different." Shelly's tearing up: "I'm sorry to be so vague. It's… something I
can't talk about. I want to talk about it but can't. It was something that's super
important. I'm helping someone, and I gave, so much…" "'You gave so much.
How does that make you feel?" "Fragile… vulnerable." "And that tells me, that
the Shelly I knew has grown." The two of them sit in the grass, next to each
other. "The Shelly that I knew wouldn't be this calm and introspective. That's
the first thing I noticed. You seemed almost at peace. Even if something was
troubling you, you seemed prepared to work through it." "You know, when we
were kids, and we wait for that feeling of what it feels like to be a grownup?
But the secret, we're all still kids. Some of us have just been around longer than
others." (In her case – a lot longer.)]
Filler Strips (2011-06-20) [Ten "filler" strips featuring different characters in
the Wapsiverse: Monica and Dietzel lounging on a backyard hammock; Shelly
relaxing on her motorcycle; Lakshimi and Owen having fun with a water hose;
Katherine the bathing beauty pinup (with Oscar); Brandi and Bud getting their
groove on at Cerberus; Nudge all ready for the beach; Dharma-pose Luci; Jin
posing in the moonlight; Monica's favorite reality TV show: Sugarbear, Bail
Enforcement Agent; and Dylan with Dietzel (Dietzel's favorite pizza)]
Debrief at the Library (2011-07-04) [Monica confronts Phix: "You knew. All
this time, you knew. Was it hard for you, knowing like that? Or did it serve to
remind you that we're all just ants to you?" Phix pours her tea: "With what
emotion are you speaking? Anger? Hurt? Fear? Disappointment?" (silence)
"Why are we only told what others feel we need to know, only when they feel
we need to know it?" None of us are in a position of privilege! "But, if you
could help someone… by not telling them something, would you do it?"
"Dammit, Phix! I lost my best friend! Sure it's still the same Shelly that left, but
she… she's lived more lives than, …than I ever will." (And it's right here that
Phix practices what she preaches.) "You don't hold that against your golems."
"They were like that when I found them." "Well. Do you feel excluded?"
"…I'm being childish." "You care about Shelly very much. She still cares about
you. She still needs you. More now, I suspect. This may sound like a slight and
a bit counterintuitive, but, there you go. You may not be the one Shelly always
confides in, but you're the one that she depends on. (What, a "wisdom
nugget?") You may not be the one who Shelly tells how she feels, but you're
the one she goes to when she figures it out." "That's not fair! Sometimes the
best way to help your friend, 'me', when they're falling apart, is to come to them
when you are falling apart." Up until now, Monica's been the center. Now it's
Shelly. "Yeah, and I know how that turned out. With a spike in my head. M out
of the loop. I know it was part of the plan. I know why it was done that way. I
see the logic. But they attacked me. My friends, the ones I trust,… Do you
know how frightening that was, Phix?" (Don't cheat and look down to the end
of 2013, kids, if you wonder why this was a problem for M…)]
Control Issues (2011-07-11) [(After a single strip of Monica at the sandbar (or
what's left of it), we find Shelly in bed – and a nightmare about a spider… and
GAARRRGH! Sphinxed out! "Thank God that this is a cement building with
ten foot ceilings. That can NOT happen again. That would make for awkward
sleepovers. How do I break up with Justin… without him asking tons of… (she
notices something on the floor – a "tail feather!") questions." Shelly thinks
about this: I made it all that time without him. It's not like I was thinking about
him. Hell, I forgot about everyone, including him. What would be the point
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now, of being in a relationship? That's just one more complication that I don't
need. He doesn't need a complication like me. Out loud, middle of the night:
"Ever since my old memories came back, I can feel myself slipping into the
way that I used to think. But, I'm stronger now. Strong enough to know that
having a relationship isn't a sign of weakness. Everyone has complications; that
doesn't mean that we're defective." (Leaning against the wall) "And, and I did
miss him… I really missed him." (Single panel of Shelly in a "vision quest"
dream)]
The Life of Mayahuel (2011-07-18) [Bud pops in on May with the relic – "I
see where Jin gets her austere tastes from…" And there's May, in the
greenhouse with shades and a huge hat, and: "Darling! Come in! There's a
pitcher of Margaritas on the table. Join me!" She takes Bud by the shoulders:
"Good to see you again! I'd hug you but I'm covered in dirt. Aw, heck with it!
C'mere! What've you got to show me, strawberry?" (Bud un-winces, and shows
her the relic) "Ooooh, Shiny." Bud's treading carefully: "This is from your
plans! Pretty important ones as it was protected and hidden for Millennia. You
know this device, right?" "Hmm. What is it?" Bud is dumbfounded: "You don't
know?" "It looks familiar. But, no, I don't know. By the way, I recovered a
galaxy alternator. I think it may help Jin!" Bud wants to scream: "THAT'S
WHAT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO DO, YOU DITZ!!" "That's great! If one
artifact doesn't work, hopefully the other one will." "WHAT? Jin's not a radio,
May! You don't experiment with different brands of batteries!" "No. No, she's
not a radio. But she is out of sync and needs an alternate power regulator. That
was her problem in life as well. She was out of sync with reality and she heard
voices and saw things that no one else did." Bud gives the one word that this
description brings to mind: "Schizophrenia." "That's a very broad term, but
basically, yes. And it carried to her golem form. We need to move past
scholastics, right?" Bud's not sure what's next: "So. How do we do this? Is it
dangerous? How do we know if it works?" May turns and takes Bud by the
hips: "Should be… like flipping a switch… Are you ticklish? (a twist of her
hips and) Ta-da! Access panels!" Bud has her hands up defensively:
"BOUNDARIES!"]
Back To Everyday (2011-07-25) [Monica wanders into Tina's shop – and even
Tina can see the storm clouds. "Residual pouting" and "Get-over-it trend. Just
me being self-absorbed again." Phix. "Guilty." "You're worried about Shelly.
She's a sphinx, they recover well. And you've been bottling feelings from the
calendar incident." You got that from her aura?" "Nope. Phix did. She stopped
in to get a tea after sleeping with your boss." Monica is shocked, shocked I tell
you! Tina waves it off: "She's a sphinx. He's just a play thing. She'll move on to
something or someone else soon enough." Oh, that makes her feel a LOT
better! "How do you know your boss isn't some smooth ladies' man?" "HE'S A
MUSEUM DIRECTOR WHO GETS LOST IN HIS OWN MUSEUM!" Shelly
walks in and asks what Monica's "brain bleaching." Tina smiles: "Images of
her boss 'getting jiggy with it' with wealthy, nerdy bimbettes." (NOT
HELPING!) "Yeah, that's almost worse than seeing your parents getting hot-nheavy." Shelly: "I'm sure, but when M has to go talk to her box about
something work related and…" (WOULD YOU TWO STUFF IT BEFORE
I…) "Bimbos and M's Boss Sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" (WILL YOU
DORKS STOP!) Afterwards, Monica invites Shelly over to the lake to watch a
mini regatta. As they're sitting there, Monica deadpans: "I farted." "Dude."
More serious stuff: "Shelly, I… still think about the day we stopped the
calendar. You guys did what needed to be done. I just felt ganged up on.
(Shelly starts to say something) You don't need to feel bad or apologize. I just
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need to tell you that I might react to things or have… outburst. It really
frightened me." Shelly is honest: "For the longest time, I thought that my time
in the forest was my punishment. Now I know that that would've been too easy
on me. (looking out on the lake) I don't think that windsurfer is supposed to
weaving in and out of the boats like that." Monica gets up and looks: "Huh?
Windsurfer? The boats are on the other side of the lake, I can't even… see
them… (it dawns on her) DUDE!" "Well, it's not like I can teleport!" So this is
like magnification? "No, they're still far away. I just, see more detail." "So,
what, you can read the friggen newspaper from a block away?" "Silly Monica,
don't exaggerate! You know that no one reads the newspaper anymore." (Artist
SLAM!) Meanwhile, Becky brings in another batch of her baked goodies,
"guaranteed to blow any diet." Optimistic Tina resurfaces! "You're just giving
the folks what they want! Just think of all the good that you're doing. And just
imagine the zombie-like plague that would result from all those folks needing
their butter frosting fix and not getting it!" She's keeping cardiologists
employed, too. And she doesn't like having her pastries talked about like that.
"You're going to give them an ego!" It would have meant sainthood in the
middle ages! Yeah, just like Saint Patrick and snakes and the black plague,
resulting in a drunken holiday. Tina: "Our health care isn't that bad!" Becky
doesn't "take compliments very well and I don't have the energy to deflect your
sunshine." That doesn't fly with Tina today – and one of the demons takes over:
"You rock, Becky! You rock and your pastries possibly started the Trojan
War!" Becky's heard this before: "Fine, Tina! I'm awesome." (with an eye roll)
Meanwhile, back at Punk Yoga, Luci's "Shelly sense" goes off as she waters
her plants. After pleasantries, Connie makes her verdict: "She's cool." And we
notice something about Shelly: "Yeah. She doesn't deserve to be freaked out by
my long hair." Unfortunately, this is late summer in the Twin Cities: "Aw
geeze, ragweed attack…" ahCHOOOOOOO! WHUMP! Long hair forward!
"Aw crap, Miss Wahnee. I didn't know that was an updo." Meanwhile, Amanda
is making her bed, and Selenium is meowing loudly: "Knock it off, Selenium!
M's coming over to watch Ghost Hunters. I'm making the bed to make it look
nice. And don't you two try and of that scaring me crap!" POIT! The sheet rises
and goes: AMMAAAANNDAAAA! "AAUUGH!" (Monica laughs
uncontrollably) "YOU! Annoying! Little! BRAT!"]
Filler Art (2011-08-11) [One panel "scenes" from the Wapsiverse: May and
Bud downing the pitcher of Margaritas (though Bud's not as thrilled); Monica
walking Dietzel – who's being chased by a squirrel; a commissioned strip of
Phix and Nudge playing chess – and Tina playing server; and four Monica
specials: Jungle Monica (with her trademark custard cone); Cave Monica
(tracking the elusive custardconicus rex); Monica Croft (with a smaller chest
than Lara's); and Skin diver Monica (with her catch: The Custardcone Eel!)]
She's Gone (2001-08-22) [Bud and May pop into Jin's apartment – but where is
she? She hasn't answered the phone… "It's okay, Muffin. The voices may be
worse. That's only because we have a power key (which May is holding in her
hand). It only makes your illness worse from the outside." Bud calls out in a
rare moment of true concern: "Jin… Honey?" May found her – comatose, in a
corner. "I think she's gone." Jin's vision is almost not registering. Bud's
concerned: "Her eyes, it's like they are floating in a fishbowl." May doesn't like
what she sees either. "I doubt that she even sees us. She's fallen so far into
herself, reality doesn't register anymore." Oh great! "All we need is for her to
lash out and turn the earth into a damn vanillekipferl!" May takes Jin from
behind by the shoulders: "It doesn't work like that. She's retreated so far in
now, there will be no fight. Lay her out flat." May tries to comfort her daughter
– but she's out of it completely. Bud is a bit concerned as Jin suddenly makes
noises – and her eyes start to go blank: "Don't look at her eyes. I'm trying to
forget that I'm shoving a metal object into the remains of my dead daughter…"
Suddenly: instant clay! AAUUUHHHIEEEEEEE. "WHAT THE HELL?"
"That was sudden." "We're supposed to save her not get rid of her!" May tries
to push Bud back: "She's a golem. Bud this is how we fix her. This how it
works. Just…" Bud grabs May by the arms: "You turned her into clay!
(SLAM!) WRONG ANSWER!" Right into the drywall! And then… "I'm
cold." The two turn to hear the voice from the floor: "The floor feels cold. Why
is it so cold in here? I don't know how I got on the floor… The room feels so
big… The walls aren't talking." Bud goes over to Jin: "Hey, babe, you okay?"
Jin is looking around: "The room feels so clean. There's depth to the walls. I
feel space around me… I feel so thirsty, though. I need to get something to
drink." She turns and hits her knee against the coffee table. "AAURRRGH!"
She curses in Glyph! "Sonuva Muther-fudging goddam friggen… That flippin'
HURT! (sudden realization from Jin) MY SHIN HURTS!" Bud grabs May in
surprise: "Holy $#!+! Are, are you telling me that Jin's now human?" "Sort of.
She's still a golem. Just with new parameters. (pause) And a lifespan." I HAVE
A HANGNAIL AND MY FINGER IS BLEEDING! "Were you playing dumb
before? What the hell? You knew what that would do to Jin?" "No, not that.
The key fixed her. I carved an (glyph symbol – same as Monica's!) inside her
with my finger…" Suddenly, Jin's got an old flintlock pointed into her
MOUTH! "MUFFIN CRUMB!" Flying Bud stops her from shooting herself!
Bud is NOT happy. "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?" May
protests: "She's my daughter, not a science experiment!" "Did you bother to
think what it would mean to make Jin fragile?" (My face and chest.) "I was
thinking about how to give her a better quality of life!" (STOP IT!!!) In the
waiting room at the hospital; Bud realizes what she did: "Broken ribs. I broke
her ribs and her nose." May, on the other end of the row of chairs starts to say
something – "Shut up!" Jin is rolled out after being "patched up"; May:
"Muffin!" "I'm so so sorry. I was afraid I would turn back…" Nooo. Shhhh."
"No. Listen. I thought it would be my only chance. I've existed so long… I
didn't mean for all this." Bud takes out her anger on her "sister": "What about a
####ing condo full of blood and gore because you blew your god damn brains
all over? (May: "Not helping.") The gift you've always wanted fell smack in
your lap. You've gotten your mom, and for all intents and stuff, you're human.
You can blow your brains out, or live a normal life!... I need to get out of here.
(Jin, pleading: "Acacia.") Oh, I called Alan. He's on his way here. Next time
you try offing yourself, think about him. I know I don't mean $#!+ to you!" By
the elevators, an ER doctor stops at her wheelchair: "Ms. Adeobie, your
prescription was faxed to your pharmacy. If I could just get your signature,
you're free to go." The foyer is empty. After a while, May appears: "Ready to
go, Muffin?" Jin answers weakly: "He's not coming, is he?" Monica sits in her
upstairs hallway as Bud gives her the news: "May did WHAT?" "Indeed. Turns
out it's part of the startup procedure for harnessing a power source in a golem.
Otherwise, Brandi and I could be…" "Condemned to death." "Made Human."
"Jin's voices and shadows?" "All gone. She just had a bumpy reentry to
being… normal." Monica looks at Bud: "The only part of Jin that was broken
was…" "Was the schizophrenia, I know. But Jin… She's existed far longer than
any of us. A lifespan would be a gift. I don't have any answers, M! I blew up
and Jin, but… my anger muddied. She'll spend that time with someone
special." "But death shouldn't be like waiting for X-mas! She'll enjoy the time
she has left, right?" Meanwhile, across town, it doesn't appear Jin's enjoying
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things as she looks out the window. Day becomes night, and Jin is dejected –
until there's a knock at the door. "Mom? Is someone at the door?"
Unfortunately, it hurts to get p, but she does it – and she has an attitude when
she opens the door: "This better be…" Oh. Alan is a bit disheveled: "Before
you speak, I saw your mom out on the sidewalk. She explained what happened.
Bud made it sound like you had tried to kill yourself because you were afraid to
live, not because you were afraid that you would have to go back to existing. I
just couldn't live waiting for the other shoe to drop had it been the former."
Those are real tears in Jin's eyes now as they hug. (Owie.) And, for the
celebratory meal: Spaghetti! (from a blender!)]
Bud, Balls, and Booze (2011-09-19) [Bud comes in to the duplex with a bucket
of golf balls, a bottle of tequila, and an angry look. Brandi's not sure what this
is all about. "I'll play the game my way." FORE! THOOOOOM! "Bud! It's
11:30 at night! You're waking everyone!" Bud downs the last drop of the
tequila: "That's a good one Brandi. Maybe that's what everyone needs! We're
all half asleep!" "Bud, don't you date throw that… (CRASH!) That's enough,
Bud!" "I'm not a child to be talked down from a tantrum! Quit trying to be my
mother!" Brandi gives her a look – then walks away. "What? Did that upset
you? That's life!" "I'm not playing this game." Bud takes the golf ball in her
hand and whacks it with her hand and a "$#!+!!" (Meanwhile, half a world
away, the ball lands in one of the canals of Venice!) "Dammit, Brandi! You're
s'posed to fight with me, not walk away! Get back here!" "Maybe I'm tired of
being everyone's mother. Go have your fit, Bud." "I AM NOT JUST HAVING
A FIT! Don't you walk away from this conversation!" Brandi turns on her:
"WHAT CONVERSATION? You turning golf balls into PLASMA? I'll just
tell the cops that we have a RAIL GUN in our backyard! Oh wait! WE DON'T
HAVE a rail gun! Just a DUMB BLONDE throwing a HISSY FIT!" (I'm… I'm
not dumb.) "Okay, Babe! You want to fight with me so bad? You tell me what
has your panties in a knot, or I'll hit you so ###-#### hard that… well, you use
your imagination." Bud tears up for a second, and then: "Jin's human again."
There! Was that so… WHAT?!!" Brandi suddenly becomes sweet: "I'm sorry.
I must've misunderstood you. What was that that you said?" (Bud's
dumbfounded) Are you telling me. (looking right into Bud's eyes) That
someone found. (grabs the bucket of balls) One of the vimana cells. (picking it
up and holding it – and then SCARY FACE!) WITHOUT TELLING ME?!!"
THOOOOOM THOOOOOM THOOOOOM THOOOOOM THOOOOOM
THOOOOOM THOOOOOM THOOOOOM THOOOOOM THOOOOOM
THOOOOOM THOOOOOM!]
Back to the Bar (2011-09-27) [Daren is shocked by what he sees entering his
bar: "Ho. Lee. Cow! To what occasion do I credit this honor?" Monica: "Oh, no
reason. Just feeling a bit nostalgic." How long's it been?" "A few years." "How
about an 18 year Macallan?" "You buyin'?" "Hell no. I'm making up for lost
time. (After handing over her drink) So. Pleasantries aside. What's up? You've
graduated from this dive." "Seeing that I've spent the going shrink's office rate
on this drink… I just found out, a friend… A good friend is going to die." "I'm
so sorry." "What makes it worse, no one knows how long she has." "Carpe
diem." "Yes, indeed…" "So! Enough about me. I'm no longer a regular. Tell
me about you for a while." "Like what?" "I don't know. Something not
normally in conversation." "Uh… Um, I have a phobia of bananas. Scare the
crap outta me?" "What?" "That's why I never had Jacqui's crew play here. You
know, their name." (Fermented Banana, in case you'd forgotten.) "Holy crap!"
She turns to face him: "But, overall, you're doing good?" "I'm still open." "I
feel like I'm visiting an old classroom" "Don't worry about me. You're
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supposed to graduate from here. And there's always a new class to keep things
interesting." That's when we see four persons who look familiar – yet different
– having a drink over on the other side of the bar.]
Striking a Deal (2011-10-03) [Monica wakes sleepily, and realizes that she's
going to need to update her wardrobe. "My favorite way to make myself cry.
I'll just run right out to the super-stacked, flat-assed-girl clothing shop." She
looks at herself – so much for an "H" cup. "Lydia has me in a 28J now. If I hear
one more implant comment, I swear…" Resigned, she gets ready to head over
to the Galleria – and Brandi suddenly pops in: "Jin's human! She's going to
grow old and die! She might get hit by a car! Did you know about this?"
Monica gives Brandi a hug to show she does. Brandi lifts Monica up by the
arms: "She, she can't die. What about Bud and me? And, and Jin's mom?
Parents shouldn't outlive their children!" Monica: "Sweetie, I talked with Bud
about this. According to May, any of you can have this done by a glyph reader.
You lose some of your powers, you keep some, but it's a one-way trip. It's your
choice." Bud grabs Monica like a teddy bear – "UH-GAH!" Oh, that smarts!
"And, all the vimana cells. That was the power source to fix Jin. How did
you… How did we find them?" "'We' didn't. Not from this timeline at least.
Vimana 'cells'. Are you saying there's more of those things?" Brandi dodges the
question: "I think that I would be afraid to be human again." Monica continues
on, not realizing Brandi's off on her own: "I have to let this sink in. The ancient
Indian flying machines were real! Leftover Lanthian toys, maybe? Tangible
objects that we could look for! I think…" "I worked in a Lanthian nursery. I
was working the day the priests came for me. I resisted, then I fought them… I
swung an equipment pole at them… One priest… grabbed a newborn and used
it as a shield. I didn't see it when I swung. My job was to protect them. <Ten
years of Wapsi Square, HO!> (Brandi…) The infant broke like a silk bag filled
with glass tubes… How do you fight against that? I dropped the pole. I just
stopped. (Brandi. Th, those… they were cowards!) They had no idea what they
created that day. Who I'd strike a deal with. (FORESHADOWING! She turns
to face Monica.) As you know, I don't do well under pressure. Duh! But given
time, I could come up with a plan that would end with someone cutting out
their own tongue. But myself, I'd never harm a fly! Mostly, I chose not to act.
Sure, I have a temper. Lots of saber rattling in all honesty. I'll always have your
back but I feel safer staying oblivious. You see, I start getting too many facts, I
start stringing them together. Then I'll tell you things like… Shelly needlessly
spent 80,000 years in the Time Forest. And that'll upset you. (Brandi, what did
Bud tell you?) I don't like who I am when I think too much. I get dangerous,
too. I could've prevented Shelly's stay, but, but Tina and you, would be dead.
That's not acceptable either. (Monica's full on confused: "Brandi, Shelly's a
sphinx! Did Bud tell you that?") Uh oh. I didn't know that. That plan was best.
(Brandi starts crying again) Things changed that day. I no longer thought of
people as just people. More like chess pieces. Chess pieces on a three
dimensional board. I felt like the one empty space on a jigsaw puzzle. That's
not who I am. That's a cold and distant reaction to what I did that day. I got too
good at it. I had to become a pedestrian to get myself back. (Brandi, that wasn't
your fault.) The demon world noticed, I was under Tepoz's care. I made a deal.
To help." Meanwhile, back at Alan's place, Jin's complaining about the cold;
he's got the heat set at "slightly warmer than you have your air conditioning set
in the summer." "And something's wrong with your doorknobs. They bite my
fingers!" He hands her some tea: "That's static, babe. You're wearing wool
socks and rubber bottom slippers. Drink your tea, all better."]
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The Annex (2011-10-24) [Monica finally makes her first visit to the Library
Annex – the Stevens Avenue South door, not the one on 18th. And, instead of a
scary, abandoned building (see 167), it looks more like a library. Monica calls
out that she's researching vimana cells… and WHOOOOOOOSH! "It's like a
real-world version of a search engine." She's actually kinda liking this! "Uh…
May I refine my search? (Parameters?) Non-fiction, please. (CHUG CHUG
CHUG) Oh, and pertaining to earth." SLUMP! A pile of books lands beside
Monica – almost as tall as her! She goes over to some "study desks" – and
another scholar, who's reading some large tome. "Excuse me, miss?" AAUGH!
"D'OY! GURGH!" CHONK! Never, never, EVER sneak up on a Gorgon!
(especially a naked one – wearing nothing but a first-Gen iPod!) Monica's
frozen in place! "Aw jeeze! I'm so sorry! You startled me! Hold on, I'll fix this!
C'mere, Mmm muah! (the kiss of restoration) There, good as new! What's your
name, hun? Yeah you're freaked out, I'll go first. M'names Euryale. Just like the
little mermaid in that Disney film, just not spelled so funny! Please to meet
ya!" Monica finally speaks: "You… You're a gorgon?" "And an academic. But
as'n ya know, history hasn't told ya that. Sorry about turnin' you tah ice like
that. So, what's yur name, hun?" (nearly whispering) "M. Monica Villarreal."
"THE MONICA? The one that ended the time loop? The demon wrangler and
the keeper of the Chimera? THAT Monica? I'm a huge fan! I've read all about
you! Pardon mah gushin'!" (I didn't think that I was gush-worthy)
"NONSENSE! Gotta warn ya, I'm a hugger! Ah just luvs tah hug! World a bee
a better place if'n more folks did some huggin'!" (after a brief interlude for
Halloween – and Dia de los Muertos) Euryale puts her shirt back on as Monica
makes some small talk – and finds out Euryale's a local. As in, the Twin Cities.
And M makes one other tiny mistake – she points out that while Euryale knows
all about her, she knows nothing about Euryale. A marine biologist and
archaeologist? She's had to "edit" some of her marine findings. "Stuff out ther
folks ought'n not be know'n 'bout!" And what's Monica researching? V-cells?
"Ya see, Lanthis did go under water, just not the way all those stories tells ya.
Not sure how it got changed to 'Atlantis' eyether!" Monica wants to ignore it –
but the Men In Black already know about it! "They think ur the cat's p'jamas!
After all, Acacia and Brandilyn formed tha group! They're all watchin' yer
back! Given the fact that'n you seem to outmaneuver them with no effort, they
mostly stay outa yer way!" This disturbs Monica, but Euryale points out
they've been doing this for a while "unda the guide of drunken master
Tepoztecal." They "told" the surviving Lanthians that the girls were "locked
away". They were "toyin' with new tech to set up shop under the sea." While
Tepoz was leading the security force in the New World… "Until things went
south." One night they grabbed Tepoz after he'd "tucked away" the girls.
Euryale doesn't know who or why.]
Fitting In (2011-11-14) [A visit to Tina's with Euryale (She's in on this whole
thing.) What's your story, Miss Belle? "World Traveler, perpetual student,
technology geek, laboratory researcher, field biologist, and lover of freshly
brewed coffee." (You'll fit in.) Acacia's waiting for them – and Tina calls a
spade a spade (and a fangirl a fangirl). It doesn't surprise Tina in the least that
the Library had something to do with this. Bud recognizes the "Gorgon Sister"
– and she also figured out what had Brandi upset. The V-cells were supposed to
be a power source, but they were weaponized. (Surprise, surprise.) They were
chronicled in the Mahabharata and the Ramayana (Sanskrit texts). Last time the
world had seen that kind of damage was… "well, us three." Brandi was the one
who collected the cells, hiding them around the earth and creating an amplified
magnetic grid – "The World Grid." Monica is thinking, solar wind? Euryale
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knows, though: "She isolated the world from inter-dimensional travelers. That's
why you don't see Amun or Shiva around much." There are some "leaks" in
various locations – the Bermuda Triangle, the Devil's Triangle, Dragon's
Triangle, (The Mapimi Silent Zone). The leaks are isolated to those locations –
and are a side effect of the grid's establishment. "So, one has been removed and
put in Jin? What does that do?" (Off-screen voice) "Nothing. It was a new Vcell, built from scratch. (Euryale recognizes the voice! Oh, it's just Shelly…)
No V-cells were stolen in the making of this solution. Any deal that Brandi
made is still sound." Monica asks the question: "And?" "No and. I wasn't told
what the deal was and told not to ask." (Well… $#!+!) Euryale's got starry eyes
again: "Ah was awe struck meetin' Monica, but you spending that time in tha
Time Forest! Wow! (It was… an experience.) You mah dear are one uv tha
sages! (Please don't give me a label to live up to. That's the quickest and surest
way to be let down.) Wise beyond your years. But you didn't go hearin' that
from meh!" Shelly has a question of her own: "So, Medusa was your sister?"
Yep. Messed up kid. Did "tha wild thing with Poseidon in'n Athena's temple."
Athena put a bounty on Medusa's head – and Medusa found out she was
Preggers! She gave birth to Pegasus. They hid out for a while – and "that's
when she fell in love with Perseus. They came up with tha idea ta trap her
image in'a shiny metal shield. She made tha scariest face her pretty little head
could muster! Perseus gave that shield tuh Athena, collected tha reward. Then
Medusa 'n Perseus opened a small shop together. Stone lawn ornaments if'n I
remember." Euryale was wondering about Monica being grumpy. "She doesn't
like non-answers. Bud went with her. She'll be just fine." Euryale was a bit
concerned about how she acted back at the library – fangirling it up. That's
when Shelly relayed Monica's "incident" with James Randi at a convention.
(Close out on a Turkey Day special with Tepoz and Monica!)]
Target Practice (2011-11-25) [A remote location out in the desert: Monica has
one of her grandpa's guns, and Bud at her side: "Okay, you say you want to
help me help me feel better. I shoot that rock, you do your thing." "Okay…"
"Ready? Okay, 3… 2… 1!" BAM! THoCK!!! "DAAAAMN! Let's do it
again!" Bud asks about "another one of your grandpa's relics?" Monica aims at
a target behind the fourth wall: "Yup. This was his target revolver. No fancy
sights and aiming was all eye-hand coordination. G'pa would take me shooting
at his cabin by the lake. The first time he offered, my dad got all fussy. Then
my mom spoke up. She asked him if I were his son, if there'd be an issue. That
afternoon, I went shooting with my g'pa." Monica unloads it, and then does a
gun twirl and "¡HIJOLE!" "Fancy!" BONK! Right on Monica's head.
Unimpressed Bud: "That was unfortunate."]
Controlling Yourself (2011-11-30) [Over at Punk Yoga – Shelly is finishing
her workout, and is surprised by Justin! "My shift was over and I thought I'd
stop by on my way home." Shelly wants to go grab a shower – while Justin
makes a suggestion about "getting more sweaty"… and suddenly, Shelly's
claws! She steps back nervously from a confused Justin. In the shower – panic
time. That did not just happen! That type of $#!+ can't happen! Why in the hell
would getting aroused make me turn? Strong emotion? Loss of my
concentration? Maybe I have to work to maintain human form? Suddenly:
JUSTIN! "Mind if I come in?" Shelly's trying hard to control things… but it's
not working (and there are now scratch marks down the tiles). And Connie puts
in her two cents: "OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! You are catastrophizing!
Your boy is a ### damn BOY SCOUT! I don't think he'd sneak up on you in
his own shower. I think part of you is still scared $#!+less. (Of course I'm
scared! I mean all the wisdom in the world and I could still screw this whole
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thing up!) Hey, dip$#!+, quit being a dip$#!+! Humans #### things up all the
time. Why should you be special. Enjoy what you have now and stop worrying
all the time. Now hurry up, your boy is waiting for you." (As in,
ZZZZZZZZZZ…) Shelly shows up, nervously – and discovers… "Hey, are
you awake? Justin? HEY! SLEEPING BEAUTY!" "Huh? Oh man. I didn't
know how tired I was until I sat down. It's so peaceful in here." "It's a yoga
studio." "C'mon, you party animal. Let's go get some coffee." "We can sleep in
tomorrow and watch the snow."]
Snow Time (2011-12-07) [Speaking of snow: Kevin and Monica are making a
snowman out in the woods of Minnesota: "You always say that the snow
attacks you, and yet you agreed to build a snowman." "It's winter. The snow
won't attack me now. (Huh?) It waits until spring or fall, when it'll annoy me
the most. (Monica, it's snow. I don't believe that it can think.) HAH! Now you
did it! It'll be gunning for you next!" As they finish one section of the
snowman, Monica makes a confession: "I've been debating on telling you
something for a while. Bud has a huge crush on you." "Huh? Well, uh, she'll
just have to understand, that I'm… unavailable. (You're so sweet!) I mean, this
snowman will take at least another half hour, and I'm sure that you…"
SNOWBALL to the BOYFRIEND! "YOU GOOFY DINGLE BERRY!" We
finish up with six single-panel holiday themes: Monica and Kevin in the snow;
Bud "sneezing" a hole through Shelly's snowman; Tina waiting beneath the
mistletoe (in a silver dress); Jin nibbling on Alan's ear (both in their PJ's); Bud
in her Goofy Fargo Woman getup; and Monica and Dietzel flying off the edge
in a snow saucer.]
Boredom and the Single Golem (2011-12-26) [Bud was wondering about
Brandi – if she'd thought about the offer of "becoming human." Bud's decided
to "wait it out. No rush. May will always be there. I haven't gotten bored yet."
Neither has Brandi. Brandi asks innocently if Bud's been giving the police a
hard time again. "It was that nerdy cop and his stuffy partner with the
mustache. He was wearing glasses this time. Little round glasses. God he was
adorable! I was telling him that I found some reindeer droppings around our
apartment and that it must've been Santa." (Uh-oh… NOW we remember
where we saw that cop before…) Brandi gives Bud a playful smack: "You have
got to stop that!" Bud doesn't see the harm. How about "public nuisance and a
boob!" She's sure she just makes their day; "Besides, the nerdy one is quite
cute. He gets flustered, but I catch him smiling." "Because he thinks you're a
loon! Why don't you try going to a museum, or a book reading?"
BOOOORRING! And Bud doesn't give Brandi a hard time about HER
"recreational activities." She's not acting ridiculous to attract a GUY! Bud
blames it on her late teen years, which she missed the first time through. "You
know, being murdered and all that jazz. Let me be a hormone driven girl
dammit." Brandi's not going to argue. Good thing: she hasn't had her coffee,
and she vaporizes ceramic. And – she can paint her toenails, too!]<Projected
end to volume 7 of the Wapsi Square book series>
Don't Want to Hurt Anyone (2012-01-02) [Happy new year, Sunshine!
Monica's New Year's resolution is to not let the Supernatural become a source
of worry. Tina warns her, then, not to turn around and go talk to Shelly.
"Pretend I didn't say anything. Have a good day!" It suddenly hits Monica:
"Aw crap! Now what?" Tina: "Not to worry, it didn't involve you. Aaaand,
everything is taken care of. Not a problem." Dangling carrot time. "You're not
the type of gal who needs any more worry in her life. Shelly will tell you if she
needs to. Just let this one go, Sunshine." Everything in her being is telling her
walk out the door and leave… Nope. "Crap." Plod plod plod plod "…what
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happened?" "It was a dumb bar fight." SCREW YOU GUYS! I'M GOING TO
WORK! GIMME MY DAMN COFFEE! "I was drunk! There were these racist
douchebags! I got really angry!" "Eighty thousand years of wisdom and all
that, AND YOU LET RACIST BLOWHOLES GET YOU INTO A BAR
FIGHT?" "They were going off on a group of native girls sitting by Bud and
me." Monica notices something: Fangs are showing, and cat-like markings on
either side of her nose. She thought Bud "calmed" her? "The frightening part,
there was a point that I stepped out of my body, and it was like watching a
spaghetti western…" (The Bar; Shelly is holding her drink straight out) "Hey,
####faces, I heard what you were saying about my sisters. I'm going to beat the
living #### out of you. (tilts glass, holding it over open air) Gimme a second. I
don't want to spill my drink. I need to set it here, where I know it won't spill."
(Off-screen voice) "Hey Tonto, you're too lit up on fire-water. There's no table
there you dumb bitch!" (Lidded eyes) "You took your eye off the target,
@$$hole." (Drop's drink, FIST POW! POW! POW! Snatch!) "Gotcha!" (Back
at Tina's) Monica doesn't think it sounded like much of a fight. Maybe more of
a "Turkey Shoot." "It was like I was on autopilot! And it happened so damn
fast! No one but Bud saw what happened. (Bud apparently approved of it – the
"Air guitar of APPROVAL!") People thought that those three guys were the
ones fighting, and that they had knocked me down. A couple of ginormous
bouncers handed them off to the cops…" Monica does not see the problem.
They got what they had coming. "I like free speech, but some folks are just
asking to get smacked. (They didn't touch anyone.) You punched them. You
didn't kill them!" Shelly gets demonstrative with Monica, grabbing her jaw: "I
could unzip you by ripping off your jaw. (She pushes M back) I. Am.
DANGEROUS." Tina has had enough of that: "Shelly, ENOUGH! YOU are
neither human nor sphinx and therefore not protected by any law that I must
obey. You may be able to move quickly, but I don't have to move to stop you.
YOU WILL NOT HURT MONICA." Shelly suddenly got concerned: "Tina!
Wait! Monica wasn't listening! I was trying to make a point! I would never hurt
Monica!" Tina gives her a demon face: "DAMN STRAIGHT! I would've told
your heart to stop before your thumb muscles flexed. But… let's not go there.
Lions don't tolerate hyenas harassing their pride. You're a feral animal.
Sphinxes have codes. (Returning to normal – more or less) Now that you've
been connected with your sphinx side, it's more invasive. You need to figure
out what your values are and stick with them." Shelly embraces Monica by the
head: "I don't want to hurt anyone." Monica: "We know." So why didn't Shelly
go all wings and claws on these guys? Monica points out she was drunk at the
time. "Maybe that stopped me from worrying about losing control so I didn't
lose control?" Tina finds that interesting: "You turn sphinx as a defense
mechanism. It should be by choice." And the teacher shows up: "Yes, it should
be. That's something that we'll need to work on." Shelly turns to Phix:
"Couldn't we have worked on that in the Time Forest?" "Heavens, no! You
would've appeared weak in front of the apos. Even with your companion."
But… she was at peace – then she started doubting, and felt she "missed
something." "Relax, kid. We can practice at the library."]
Walking on Eggshells (2012-01-16) [Brandi tries the "Rise and Shine!"
greeting for Bud – which results in a squeaky stuffed giant squid toy getting
thrown at her. "Your voice buuurrns…" NO PITY FOR SELF INFLICTED
INJURIES! (As Brandi opens the blinds wide, letting in the sun!) You're
EVIL! "No, I'm cheerful." SAME THING! "You were out drinking last night.
That was your choice. If you feel like crap today, I will not walk on eggshells.
I'm in a good mood." She hands Bud a coffee – and Bud blames Shelly. Brandi
doesn't understand why Bud's trying to drag Shelly back into her party-girl
lifestyle. "That girl finally found some peace." (Sphinxes are resilient.
Comanches even more so.) Brandi points out how sphinxes are a lot like cats:
"They may appear domesticated but they can resort to instinctual and
aggressive behavior in the blink of an eye." Not something you want to "tease
out". Bud realizes she did just that. Meanwhile, Shelly is getting ready to do
some kick-boxing exercises: According to Phix, the anxiety and jumpiness I'm
feeling is my sphinx side struggling with my human side. Hopefully, she'll help
me find some balance. I just need to stay strong… A spank on the butt… and
the bag is DEMOLISHED as a surprised Justin looks on in shock! Shelly
realizes that there are four long claw marks on Justin's chest – torn right
through his t-shirt! (Are you okay?) Shelly starts to break down… Don't touch
me. "Ohmygod you're BLEEDING!" Don't… "Let me help" DON'T TOUCH
ME! Shelly tries to explain: You startled me! I'd never hurt you… She did!
"And that bag is gone! People don't DO that! SANE people can't do that!"
(Justin, I'm not crazy.) "LIKE YOU'D TELL ME!" Shelly tries to explain…
but Justin isn't listening. "I know what your problem is. You're one of the
insane women that I seem to be attracted to. You seem all normal and sweet on
the outside, and I think, 'Hey, I made a good choice this time.' And then you let
all the crazy out!" (That's not me.) "You're CRAZY and I'm getting OFF THIS
RIDE while I still CAN!" Shelly chases after him into the lobby: "Please…
please don't! Just let me explain!" Justin's still bleeding – but still moving:
"Anything you say now is part of the psychosis to keep me wrapped up in your
drama!" Shelly can't keep it secret. The truth… "I'm a sphinx." #&@* YOU!
You're impossible! If you were trying to convince me how sane you are, you
just blew it! You actually think that you're one of those what... the head of an
eagle? (That's a gryphon.) YOU'RE CRAZY AND... DELUSIONAL! (I'm a
sphinx and… I'll be taking classes! I, I'd like you to come with me!) I've got
bad news for you! I'm NOT GOING YOUR WAY!" SLAM! Uh oh – angry
Shelly! SHWOOSH! (So much for his Nikes… heh, Nikes.) Full Sphinx Mode
for Shelly – through the snowstorm: "Hold on, Justin! I'm going to get you to
the hospital!" "But I don't WANT to get roped back into the paranormal!"
What about people seeing them? (People see what they want to see.) "Shelly,
I'm sorry! I can't deal with all the crazy." "You don't have to. I'm getting you to
the hospital. You'll never have to see me again. (She looks down at him) You
must be in shock because I could see some of your ribs through the muscles."
"No, enough time has passed… I'm fully healed." (What the hell?) NO! "Just
take me back to my car, please." Back at Punk Yoga: "WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME?" "Because I'm trying to be normal." "AND I'M NOT?!" "You
AREN'T normal! "WELL, NEITHER ARE YOU!!" "I wanted to be." "Yeah, I
guess we both got ####ed there!!" "You don't understand. I'm like a fetish to
psycho chicks and mythical creatures. You slice me up and I'm good as new."
Shelly's honestly confused: "Why would anyone do that? I want to keep you
safe. I'm a guardian sphinx. That's what I do." That's when Justin hears the rest
of the story: "Eighty thousand YEARS?" Shelly's lost the cat markings: "The
girl who blew up her grill has had time to grow up. I'm… going to be mentored
by another sphinx. Kind of a mother figure…" (Oh, Shelly, you don't know the
half of it.) "Wow. I've mostly experienced the fringe paranormals. It sounds
like there's a whole culture." Sounds like only the "burn-outs and crack-heads"
of paranormals. "There was this one woman…" TMI. Back at the duplex:
Brandi's in the shower (gratuitous suds scene!); Bud trundles off to answer the
door, mumbling about sending a missionary to Uganda… And then she opens
the door: "Oh, dear God." Shelly's looking at Justin's painful look: "Uh… hey
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there, Bud." Bud's turning a shade of bright red, and Shelly's not sure why:
"Justin?" "That depends. Is your friend…?" "Trailer park paranormal? Let's just
say, ancient sphinxes are the apex paranormal. Demons are middle ground, and
golems are the apex of human paranormals." "IT. IT WAS ALL JUST AN
ACT! ACTUALLY, I'M QUITE INTELLIGENT!" Shelly gives the TL; DR
version: "Bud's an immortal. She can breathe plasma, totally indestructible, and
she can create a shockwave that could destroy the solar system. Yet, she's the
sweetest individual that I know." Sheepish smile: "Pleased to meet you." Enter
Brandi: "Hey, what's goin'… Oh my! Is this Officer Friendly that you've been
telling me about? Damn, girl!" Bud's back to that bright shade of red again.
Shelly introduces Justin: "He's had some… bad experiences with fringe
paranormals. I'm introducing him to a better class." Brandi teases: "And you're
starting with Bud?" Justin asks, "Are you a golem, too?" "Yep. There are four
of us, and then there's Tepoz." (The fourth, in case you forgot, was May. And
Tepoz is "technically" a golem – made of weasel.) "I DON'T REALLY
BELIEVE IN ALIENS! AND ALL THOSE EXPLOSIONS WERE JUST
GOLF BALLS BEING THROWN INTO SPACE! BUT IT WAS ALL
HARMLESS BECAUSE I WAS JUST UPSET, AND THEY WERE ONLY
GOLF BALLS!" Justin comments about those two as Shelly takes her on the
next stop of the "tour". She comments on how she's trusted both of them with
her life. "I'd like you to meet someone who has a plane of existence all to
herself. By the way, no matter how she looks, I'd trust her with my life as well.
Maybe not parallel parking, but my life." TINA! "Miss Shelly! I see you two
have been talking! (Gray text) You guys keep that up and the sex will almost
be as good as the communication."]
Girls Day (2012-02-13) [M and Jin commiserate over the cold – and about the
sandbar. "That aside, we need to find a new island somewhere." And the two of
them are ready to do it!... After a mani/pedi, a sauna, a good massage… and
bikini shopping time! "We're experts at stealth. I'm sure we'll be successful."
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Jin and Mon are trudging into the
Cerberus Club: "That settles it. We have a plan for beginning a plan to make a
plan." "I feel so much better than I did when I woke up!" "I say we get together
tomorrow and we discuss this again!" Monica: "Incoming butt bump!"
"HEEEY!" (giggle)]
Tsillah (2012-02-20) [Shelly takes Justin to The Annex – but enters via the
wrong door. And, unfortunately, there's a "welcoming committee" – Cerberi!
Shelly plays protective Sphinx to Justin – but that doesn't stop them – until she
takes things "into hand." Justin's crazy-meter is going off – and then she
appears: the owner of "Baxter and Boo", Tsillah! The controller of shadows
realizes who SHE is! "Sister of the Companion, Wielder of the Key, Sage of
the Forest!" This time, as Tsillah literally goes off into the shadows, they go in
through the Stevens door – to be greeted by NUDGE!]
Island Poiting (2012-03-07) [Monica and Jin start the process of "Island
Shopping" – which M compares to house buying. Only thing is, her first choice
had an active volcano on it! M did her famous "self-preservation poit"; and
Bud comes over to give them a small lecture in subduction zone island
formation… while both are recovering from owies. And that leads them to
island number two – with a bottle of wine… and an old "sea urchin." (or is that
a magnetic MINE?) (poit) OW HOW HOW OW OW OW OWIE! FOTHER
MUCK!]
Echoes (2012-03-19) [Meanwhile, an early-rising Shelly looks out from her
top-floor flat on the morning dawning over Minneapolis; checking the mail
(Apartment 3, by the way), she sees a postcard that says simply, "We Eloped!"
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The picture is familiar to long-time readers: Lakshimi and Owen. This brings
tears to Shelly's eyes. Justin wakes – he didn't hear her get up. "That's my
superpower." He doesn't get it; she comments about being "socially invisible."
Justin disagrees, considering her effect on traffic while jogging around
Calhoun. "I don't think you have to worry." Suddenly, he realizes – "Did I do
something?" (Was I 'spose to??) She pins him against the wall, as he's a bit
worried – she's just being introspective. She's happy with him; "the path that
got me here has been sad. Emotions are all transient. Happiness is not the
destination. That said, I'm enjoying this part of the journey."]
We Happened (2012-03-26) [Jin and M show up at Tina, and she asks what
happened. "We happened. To each other." "We were looking for a new island."
"What the heck did you do? Find an active volcano?" (meaningful looks from
both of them) (Just don't mention this to Bud or Brandi) And suddenly…
EURYALE! Unfortunately, hugs for the hurting are a bit OWIE! And Euryale
has met Jin before… and hugs her hurts too! So what have they been up to?
"Candle shopping." "Antiquing." (bad lies) "Dodging volcanoes!" "Bomb
Disposal!" We end with a scene from the Time Forest – Shelly-Sphinx sitting
beside her "Companion".]
Doing What's Right (2012-04-02) [Wake-up time at Tina's apartment – oops,
someone forgot to set the alarm! Suddenly, a tentacle emerges from her mouth
and raises the blinds ("You're gonna give her stretch marks!") Forgot to do
laundry, pull on skinny jeans, and PLOCK! Tentacle through the eye! ("We can
haz badonkadonk?") Cute outfit (with the belly belly belly belly) Scones at the
shop, "Time to make ourselves presentable!" (Do the eyes!) SHAZOWIE! And,
there at her door… Becky? She was wondering why she was late. "You don't
forget stuff like that." That's when Tina notices that Becky needs help… Gray
voice: "I'm gonna go out on a limb, and say that you lowered your OCD meds."
(They fell in the sink when the disposal was running. My insurance company is
being a dick…) "Come with me, I have a few… connections. Let's get you
hooked up." After pulling her away from Tina's light-switch (and a brief
Shelly-sketch of her and doubt meeting Tina's Tentacle Demon), we see the
two of them walking out of the pharmacy – and Becky somewhat amazed.
"Everyone did what you said. What was all of that-that-that?" Gray text: "You
have your medicine. Just forget about it." And, as Tina leans over her counter
in frustration, she hears the one voice she does NOT want to hear: "Problem?"
"If you're here to kill me, just do it. Otherwise, please leave." Tina used her
"powers" to get everyone to "do the right thing." This frustrates her: "People
shouldn't be made to do the 'right thing'." So if it's going to be something to
risk punishment, it needs to be something bad? "Doing the right things should
be in the human's nature. They shouldn't have to be FORCED to do good! You
smug, arrogant BITCH!" Phix is loving this transformation. A tiny secret: Phix
is partially responsible for who she is now. (Translation: Tina 1.0 knew who
Phix was.) "There's another close to what you may become. (Translation:
Shelly.) You were struggling with a moral dilemma. You need to make a habit
of that." And Phix? She's going to be so busy looking up the "legalities" that
she won't even have time to check up on her! "Ta!"]
How The Companion Came To Be (2012-04-16) [In no way did I belong there,
they would have shredded me in a heartbeat. But, I had a companion. A
guardian. An entity whose existence frightened those who previously had no
fears. She was the apex of the forest, and kept me safe. The Apos (all with
horns – like rams) keep their distance… and in the modern day, she's getting
potty-mouthed over a cup-in-ball game. Discussion time – no demon
memories; nothing to recycle – no soul? And Tina? (Padded push-up bras.) The
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lights-out-rats-taking-over-the-ship thing? Connie calls her "Tina 2.1" (after
Nudge's eviction). Biological shell? Connie warns her about "vomiting black
tar all over" the church if she goes there! A coven of demons (not covey);
Connie doesn't like talking about this. Monica and Shelly were doorways – the
group of "Connie" blocked the doorway… "You and Monica weren't s'posed to
go getting yourselves killed!" And Connie was in the way when Tina's soul
was trying to get through… Connie doesn't like the "high and mighty" vibe.
"You're a trapdoor for demons!" Monica's demons blocked her own
"doorway"; she blocked her own soul's – but she was also told to block Tina's
doorway as well. They wouldn't remember (Auto punishment and all.) "Same
with Tina and M's demons for being in on the crash incident." It's a good
argument for the existence of souls. And it's that element that made Connie a
"You" and not a "Them." Who knows what happened? Nudge? Well, she was
experiencing things in reverse order, so she told her to do the little "lose me in
the wilderness" thing. Turns out, Nudge just followed directions. Why isn't this
something that more demon coveys do? In short – two separate ways of
"gaining a lifespan"? And… who knew?]
Exercise and Lingerie Ninjas (2012-05-01) [Another morning for M… and are
her boobs bigger, or still asleep? Craving donuts, pastries, and such – choosing
to try to kill herself, not with a bus, but with stopping her heart with clogged
arteries! Skinny, out of shape, high cholesterol, need to eat better, hate
exercise. After a brief bout with Doubt, she enters a conversation with Tina –
who says that YOU ARE NOT FAT! It's not that – "I'm out of shape! I have no
muscle tone, I get winded going up a flight of stairs, I can friggin' stir my
tummy with a salad spoon!" Tina uses the word "skinny" a few too many
times… and gets the warning of being poited to the center of an active volcano!
(FORESHADOWING!) She doesn't want breast reduction surgery… "Would
you like an exercise buddy?' "Yes, please." And that means one thing – the
gauntlet is thrown… Lydia writes down those scary words: Sports bra for
Monica. "GRETCHEN! CLEAR MY SCHEDULE!" And, with some theatrics
(LINGERIE NINJAS!) Tina meets Lydia… Who calls Monica "Kotehok"
(kitten) – and unleashes the ninjas to present – her sports bra! "What you are
wearing is a mix of old and new technology. The bra is a blend of aramid fibers
woven with carbon nanotubes. Those are held together with dragline silk from
a bark spider and layered with memory carbon gauze. Thus creating a nonNewtonian fabric. The outer layer is silk from a golden silk orb-weaver, to
make it pretty." And that meant? "HI-YA!" Face plant! But… the bra supports
her! "Holy buckets, will you look at that!" And then – a jelly donut as the final
test. After some b-movie action, she munches and asks for the cost. "You're in
luck. An unnamed agency contacted me shortly after making it and ordered
several. $900 for yours, $80 for your interesting friend." SOLD! Monica
celebrates by taking the persona of the Crimson Mantis – and "feasting on baby
carrots!" Unfortunately, real-world Monica just wanted to say "goodbye" to all
that Custard… Dietzel, meanwhile, plays drill sergeant to Monica on skates –
and she then is forced to chase after Dietzel after giving him a bath… And after
a squirrel chases them, Monica stops to laugh – and then: HORNET STING!
"Dietzel makes friends with a #@* tree rat, and a bug puts out a cigar on my
butt." And Monica then has to keep Shelly from making any "Sir Mix-a-lot"
comments…]
Bia and Charon (2012-06-01) [A little girl, with a crown – and an interesting
sash on her shoulders – is hiding from Death… "What happened to everything?
The last I saw… a monster, then… a wall of fire! Just like that wall of fire!
WHAM! She's agape – but she realizes that everything is gone. Obliterated.
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Turned to obsidian… and one figure is left: Charon! "All this death and not one
soul to take over the Styx… IDIOTS!" He sees the girl: "Princess Bia, I need to
get you out of here. It'll be some time before this world recovers." Bia asks the
obvious question: Why? "The humans created a Titan-like creature and it blew
up in their faces." Sounds like something Sybil had said to him ("That weed
smoking crack-pot"?) The Land of the Crescent will turn to glass, but you (Bia)
would have a descendant who will set the powers right.]
A Game of Doubles (2012-06-08) [Innocent Monica asks Kevin about a "game
of Doubles?" Tina and Monica are in matching outfits; "IT'S A TRAP!" Alan
points out the obvious: "Good luck keeping your eyes on the ball…" After a
few obvious good points by the two of them, he also points out, "Your
girlfriend is a tennis shark, and that's totally hot!" Monica uses her "skills" to
throw off Alan's serve (You can't prove nuthin'!); meanwhile, Monica serves an
ace right upside Kevin's head! Mouth to mouth, tongue to tongue… Oh, that's
right, Monica's TONGUE… suddenly, the grade-school taunts come back:
Gecko girl! Bull frog! And Mr. Schmeck's kindergarten class comes back to
haunt her – "All thosth yearth of speath clatheth, and I'm thill a bull frog!"
Kevin finds this amusing – but Tina's never seen her "five-year-old self". The
tongue? She has no idea why she has it (We have an idea, though. Cats have
long tongues…). Kevin asks more about the reaction; she does the whole
stream-of-consciousness with him. Tina drops a nugget: "Life isn't gym class.
No mean, smelly kids allowed either." Alan plays the arrogant role – which
gets him drilled by tennis balls!]
Supernatural Family Secrets (2012-06-21) [Transformation class, step one: Just
the hand and the claw, and Shelly did it with her right hand! And then Phix
tells her to do her "southpaw" – and mentions "just how hot your guy is?
Lickable!" She focuses for a second, then… "Lickable?" POOF! Full
transformation. Why is this so difficult? She doesn't want to break anything or
kill anyone – just confidence she won't sphinx-out at the wrong time. "You're
not a werewolf, kid. If you kill someone, they damn well deserved it." Shelly
doesn't like the blasé outlook of Phix. "You're not going to kill anyone!" So,
Phix uses a simile: "You know how vampires can't enter a dwelling uninvited
without getting sick and bleeding out of their eyeballs? (That'll happen to ME?)
No. But you'll feel really super bad about it. But not if you kill a vampire or
werewolf. They're like $#!++y mosquitoes." (FORESHADOWING!) She's
trying to teach Shel how to "play nice with humans." Sphinxes can do whatever
they want; her humanity will show you right from wrong. She still hasn't felt
"in control" – but no one died. Not even Justin, for his "self-repair" stuff.
"You're helping each other." Ever hear of Prometheus? He was cocky, but he
finally got his crap together. He had a brother… "an Italian police officer. His
brains were blown out. It grew back, but he lost his memory…" JUSTIN? Phix
suddenly realizes Shelly's getting upset, and tries to explain: "His name was
Epimetheus. MIB moved him to America and set him up with another police
job. (Was I set up?) He was curious about you. The predator in you went after
him." (transformation in progress) WE WERE SET UP!!! "You two are
perfect for each other." She suddenly realizes: "Brandi… Did Brandi know
about this? (PUNCH to the WALL!) DID SHE? (Phix is crying, even as Shelly
is taking out her anger) Even after I'm this deep in-the-know, I'm still being
DICKED AROUND LIKE A ####ING PAWN!" And then, comes a voice:
"SHELLY! Stop that this instant! That is NO WAY for the heir of a Titan to
behave! Apologize to your guardian." The voice, the look – BIA! But Shelly
knows her as something else… "mommy?" Bia says no… But Shelly is
confused. She looks so much like her… "You have more to learn from your
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friend Acacia. I saw first-hand what she can do. Don't become the good guy by
being the bad guy first. You're very much like me. We're stubborn, easily
angered. You know how older beings try to tell younger ones, not to make the
same mistakes as they did? It never works. Brains don't work like that. You're
worried about losing control, and any of the consequences for doing so. I'll
make this simple. You're the offspring of a Titan. You answer to no one. Let
your omnipotence be your consequence." So… the Time Forest? "The wisdom
of a feral being." A human life? "The forest has removed your human side, but
you are no less fragile. You will live through times that one would beg for
death. But that will make you stronger. You'll love it!" WHAT?!! Bia's just as
amazed (though not as angry as Shelly); see, she didn't believe the prophecy of
Sybil. Children of Titans and Humans don't become immortal. But when a
human-titan and human-sphinx get together… "That's where you come from."
And the dots start to be put together… Her dad's still "part sphinx" – but males
can't morph out of human form… "The Library was no place to raise a
rambunctious little guy like your dad. It was a hard decision, but earth was a
much better place for him to grow." That means… Grandma is crying in the
background. Of course, Bia suddenly realizes this conversation never came up
between the two of them. "Oh you're kidding me!! I'm the dysfunctional one,
not you guys!" Speaking of which – Euryale and Monica suddenly show up to
see how Shelly's doing! Euryale recognizes Bia – "Oh my! You're Ceto's little
girl!" And Monica hears the "bomb" drop: "I was just having words with my
great granddaughter Shelly." Who has suddenly disappeared… to a "rock"
outside the library proper. Nudge wanders in just then – and peeks out the
window to see Shelly. "Why is Phix crying?" Nudge suddenly realizes what
just happened… and goes into full trickster mode: "Oh hey you guys! I didn't
know that there was a meeting today! Looks like we're finally clearing the air.
So, Bia, most write you off as a thoughtless, emotionless bitch, the way you
helped keep an eye on Phix's son on earth. So noble! I mean, when Phix herself
was told that it was for his best to stay out of his life. I mean, going through all
the work to change form to be his childhood friend, then 'grow old' with him.
And then after all that time with him, you became his wife! Don't be so
modest! You not just one of Shelly's ancestors! You're her MOM for Petesake!
But of course, you did sacrifice yourself, deciding to bow out of Shelly's life,
with the whole 'heart attack' thing. What was it you said, 'It'll help make her
strong to lose me'?" Bia tries to dismiss Nudge – but Phix has another idea:
"I'm no Titan, but you're on MY turf now. GET OUT OF MY LIBRARY!"
POW! A little while later, we see a close-up of Shelly – who's clutching
herself, apparently trying to meditate over the whole situation she just dealt
with… when there's a sudden huffing and panting over the side – Nudge (who
can't "poit") has managed to climb up the rock formation to join Shelly: "Huff
Wow, GASP, What a lovely place. Fancy meeting you GASP here…" Shelly
gives her a hand up – and the sit in silence for a bit (though it's likely Nudge
brings her up to date about her "relationship" with Bia).] <Projected end to
volume 8 of the Wapsi Square book series>
A Walk With Oscar (2012-07-30) [Kath has decided to go for a walk – and
took Oscar along with (in a wagon, with an umbrella… spoiled Betta, he is).
Kath stops for some ice cream – and a drop falls into Oscar's bowl!
"SOMEONE GET SOME WATER! My fish is LACTOSE INTOLERANT!"
A nerdy guy with glasses hands her a bottle – "You Okay?" She explains about
the lactose intolerant part… and FARRRRRTTT! (toot!) Oh. Quickly, she
pours the fresh water in the bowl and… "All better." BURT! He's going to be a
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bit "tootie" for a while. He watches her walk off: "What a quirky, silly girl. She
sure is, uh, having a good butt day."]
An Apo And Their Pain (2012-08-06) [Euryale comments on the distance on
that punch – and the self-healing nature of the library. Monica's way confused
about the whole son-daughter-Shelly's mom-punched out of library thing. "That
was Bia, daughter of Pallas and Styx. Second generation Titan, one of Zeus's
favorite cow-punchers. She's the very personification of 'Force'." (Just not in
the library.) Monica's still going WTH? Phix is walking away, brooding…
Euryale pulls her back: "She needs to cool down a bit. Thars sum hard feelin's
that'll take more than a cupa tea ta fix. Sphinxes, no matter how civil, need ta
vent in ways that can get a mite… (Violent?) High spirited." And Shelly?
Nudge is taking care of that. Phix? "Yeah, nobody should try touchin' that gal
for a while." We see Phix's shadow looming over a mosaic of Bia… and her
fist clenched so hard, she's drawing blood. Monica's trying to go follow her…
Euryale repeats: SHE'S A SPHINX! Whoops… frozen again. She points out
the obvious object lesson: She was frozen "without eevin tryin'." They "all
need to be treated like the dangerous folk we are." Meanwhile, Phix is trudging
away, her hand still bleeding… and then comes a smartass comment from
behind: "So, she told you. You are weak. You ask to be ####ed just from being
so weak." THOK! Apo Face-off! (gore warning) Predator Phix suddenly comes
out: "Don't mistake kindness for weakness." Euryale tries to take M for a walk
through the stacks, and then… "K, Sugar! We shud take ar walk outside!"
Wait! "What is that…" LEAVE. Monica got an eyeful of a sphinx over her
prey… and she's set down by Euryale. "Sugar Cube, you okay? Sugar?" It takes
a while before:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGG
HHHHHHHHHHHHH Euryale picks up the shaken Monica: "Sssshhh…
husshhh… You're safe now…"]
The New Café U-296 (2012-08-20) [At the new beach – and the gang's
enjoying some sun and sand – though Nudge is having issues with the local
crustaceans. Euryale's has a drink from Tina's Café U296 (Tiki bar!) Monica
apparently made herself scarce for a couple of weeks after she poited out of the
library. She doesn't want to talk to Phix (she also has learned not to look
Euryale in the eyes, either.) Her friends were just worried about her. It's not just
the library. It's Shelly. "I've lost Shelly, and I've witnessed the kind of creature
she is. She's a sphinx, not my friend." Euryale gives her a stern talking to in
true Angry Southern Belle fashion. Say that to Shelly's face! She gives her a
push – snakes in full force – and tells her, "If'n ur gonna write tha girl outa ur
life, get yourself ova thar n stop pussy-footin' around like a sad sack!" And
when she comes face-to-face with her: "Hey, uh, Shelly, I…" "I farted."
Monica can't hold it and starts giggling (as Shelly gives her a raspberry!)
Shelly picks up Monica in a big bear hug!]
Fallen Angel (2012-08-27) [Meanwhile, back at the library… Phix ordered her
ribs with way too much barbecue sauce. Oh, wait… Her glasses are off to the
side, as she tries to reach for them… but can't put them back on. Nudge has
returned from consoling Shelly (a bit of a flashback) – and has come upon the
scene. "Oh, puh-leeeze tell me that was Medeia. I never could stand that oily
bitch and her drama! I don't think that you'll find any Apos who will miss her
either." Phix doesn't particularly care: "This is all part of sphinx culture. You
watch your ####ing back. Anyone who doesn't, deserves what they get!
Monica didn't need to see that." Nudge sees the hypocrisy in that: "Monica's a
big girl. She knows what you are. You're a monster, so am I. It's not like we
should anything special to her. (crouching) Besides, if she loses you, in the
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long run, that'll just make her stronger, right?" (In other words, "you're no
different than Bia.") SLAM! Dodge! "That's how you elitists work, right?
Everything's a chess piece to you! Don't let anyone or anything get too close to
you!" Sphinx tail THOC! "HEY! Watch where you swing that!" Phix dives at
her – and Nudge holds up her tail: "Have a bite!" She pulls her tail out of the
wall – as Nudge has already taken off: "But you yourself have no fear of
getting too close to anyone. They're nothing more than pond scum to you!
However, it's not that you don't let yourself love. You're just incapable of that.
You live by instincts. I doubt you even kill out of anger. That would be a sign
of weakness! (Phix is hot on her heels) You're a mechanical being with no ties
to anyone. You just exterminate those who deserve it! Even the ones you don't
actually murder!" (They're starting to run out of hallway…) "Looks like you
have a job to do! I envy you, keeping Shelly and M at arm's length, and being
able to let them go. Because I'm weak… (she dives for the end window) I
NEVER LEFT THEIR SIDES!" CRASH! Phix get to the window, looks out,
snorts… and then: "SHE CAN'T FLY!!!" We see the whole of the Library
Complex – a bunch of buildings on floating "islands" in an ethereal sky
somewhere – and among it is a Nudge who's apparently subject to some sort of
gravitational force… but Phix swoops in and snatches her! (SQUEEE) "I knew
you had it in you!" Head grab – SLAM! Upside down into the wall! "Test me
again. I dare you." Nudge is still smiles, though. The two librarians head back
to their places, the light of the Library's windows shining down on them.]
Back At The Beach (2012-09-13) [Shelly's caught Monica pondering again.
"I'm afraid of you. What you are… Two weeks ago, I saw something that I've
been repeatedly warned about. I heard every warning but I never emotionally
accepted that." Shelly: "It's not your fault, it's mine." M: "No. I should be
frightened. At least more respectful. In the past, I spent too much time poking
lions, who tolerated my presence, with a stick." Shelly points out something:
"You do know that there are creatures that look at you as one of the more
dangerous beings?" (4'10 and 102 lbs. soaking wet?) "DUDE! You control the
Golem Girls and you're a Jaguar Girl." What, I'm some kind of "super villain"?
"But you forget one thing. I'm mortal. I'm just a blip on the timeline." "Sure,
you're mortal. But you're the Jaguar Girl. You are your own doorway!" "Yeah,
a closed doorway now, thanks to you! And I want to keep it that way." (She
probably doesn't realize what that really means, by the way.) Shelly agrees not
to talk about it. It's time to have some fun in the water. Nudge catches up with
Monica's splashing foray: Good seeing her. "I do have to mention that Phix
misses you." "Yeah? I think she just tolerated me. I was a means to an end." "In
not so many words (understatement!), Phix admitted to caring about my
wellbeing. She cares about you." Why would she? Housefly's lifespan
compared to hers. Nudge plays trickster: "Clearly, I'm making something of a
lifespan that is far too short to be of any viable significance." Something she
needs to work on. "I'll just tell Phix that you died. Phix is long-lived enough, I
doubt she'll notice. (She's got that LOOK on her face!) I'll have Brandi give me
a lift back to the Library." Monica has a seat in the shallow water – you can
just see her "I walked into that one" look. Euryale comes over and sees how
well things went for her and Shelly – "You havin' Nudge bring Phix here for a
talk on neutral ground?" Monica tells her what Nudge is planning – and that
makes Euryale give a FULL GORGON "WHAT?!" Uh-oh… froze her AND
the water around her! And around her own legs! Little help? She gets a loopy
Monica free – with Bud NOT a happy camper! While a delirious Monica
wanders over to Shelly, Bud reams out Euryale: "What the hell is WRONG
with you? Why don't you go buy a pair of ####ing sunglasses, or stick your
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head in a bag! Better yet, go look in the mirror!" Euryale's left speechless. Bud
goes over to Shelly: "That damn dingy dip$#!+ is going to get someone killed!"
Shelly points out she's not the only dangerous one here. Bud immediately
thinks she's talking about her proclivity for "sending the world back into the
stone age". She had no conscious choice in those actions. She doesn't flatten
the planet when she gets upset. "Each one of us, including Monica, has the
ability to be dangerous. That's all." (And it's true.)]
Interlude: The Dragon Slayers (2012-09-27) [A two-comic "story" featuring
two heroic "bikini warriors" who "kill" their pet dragon for gold.]
Birth of a Jaguar Girl (2012-10-01) [Back at Monica's – Shelly has "the little
pocket elf tucked in bed." She tells Bud she'll be fine. Meanwhile, upstairs:
"NNNOOO That just no I don't" WHOOSH! Head lights on, and FIRE! Bud
notices something: "Monica is screaming! And I smell smoke." "M's awake."
"Should we, you know, check on her?" Shelly smiles: "Trust me… give her a
minute." Fire is emanating from Monica, as the eye-beams shoot out of her – in
horror! She clutches herself suddenly as she shouts: "Help me!! My body! It's
pulling… apart! My body! Heeeeelllp aaurgleauaurgle… (her "spirit" suddenly
comes out of her body) Aw, $#!+… SHEEELLY!" "There. Now she sounds
presentable. Let's go." Bud finds her in the corner of her bedroom, her body
wide eyed and… "SHE'S FRIGGEN DEAD!" Shelly corrects her: "She's the
Jaguar Girl." M's "spirit" needs to throw up. "You don't look shocked. Please
tell me that I'm not stuck like this!" FLIP! Spirit bungee! "You're not stuck like
that." DAMMIT SHELLY! "Yeah, scary but not fatal. Welcome to my side.
Let me explain that incident. That last flash freezing would've killed anyone
else in that heat. Actually you would've burned your way out of that ice tomb.
You won't let you be hurt by anything. Nothing serious, anyway. Oh, and that
spike in your head, that's not really in your head, won't let you die." AND
YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS NOW? "At what point would you have had me
tell you? (Well,…I,…) Regarding Euryale, she's a super-fan. You're a damn
celebrity to her! You make her nervous, and she's very emotional around you.
She knows more about you than you do. She knows how dangerous you are."
Dangerous? "Bud, you smelled smoke earlier, right?" "Indeed. And yet nothing
here is burned. Any idea what kind of fire that may be?" "Sounds like Astral
Fire to me. And who wields that?" "Titans! And anyone with phoenix blood!"
Phoenix blood? "And I bet I pee unicorn piss! Oh! And I bet I fart rainbows,
like this!" TOOT! Bud's starting to get ticked about this whole denial thing.
Monica can explain… SPLERCH! Gee, Bud, have a heart! (To Shelly) "My
turn to trust you… that blade in her head was made by your mom, right?' "Give
her a moment." An astral bonfire suddenly appears: "That's a good sign!"
GAH! "And she's up!" Shelly's all smiles! Her body apparently goes back to
the point that she put the key in her head. Clothes don't survive. Memory? The
grawlix suggests yes… "So, Acacia, what have we all learned here today?"
"Well, Shelly, this concludes that it would be difficult, nigh-impossible, to kill
Miss Villarreal, even with a sniper rifle. And if, in the off chance, someone
with my refined reflexes, managed to kill her…" Shelly continues: "She
bounces right back! Now, take that with her ability to communicate with
demons and the land of the dead, her control of three golems, and her ability to
point anything anywhere…" DAAAAY-UUM! Monica, however, is not
amused. Her scars are gone (They happened after the calendar fix.) You
stabbed me again? (No, Acacia punched you in the chest. "I took out your
heart.") "And you probably weren't sure it would work, were you?" (Oh no, this
time had much better odds. They were, what?" "Three to five." "At least.")
WAY too cavalier about her life! "You're stubborn and try to rationalize
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everything! You're powerful, adding to how dangerous…" Powerful enough to
give you a warning? POIT! "Aw $#!+… Nicollet Mall." Naked Shelly AND
naked Bud!]
The Demon Entourage (2012-10-22) [Tina tries to understand this whole story
about regeneration – and yet she maintains her tone from exercising. "Why so
down?" "I still have the bigger unwieldy boobs!" And that's it: Monica's fears
from years past have come to fruition: she's taking Jin's place. Not because of
the teachings as a glyph reader, but because of a experimentation of a Titan
over a vague prophecy. "At least I'll have my friends." Tina ponders as she
watches M walk out of the shop: "Wonder if I should've asked her to look at
herself in the mirror with one eye closed." She's got no right to bitch about
something not too long ago she was jealous about… Why are those girls
talking in the middle of the sidewalk? It's not like it's a walkway. "'Scuse me
ladies." The two "ladies"… are the Vampire girls (Suzie and Lily)! The blonde
(Suzie) is all thrilled: The Demon Shepherd! The dark-haired one (Lily) is a bit
scared: She wouldn't "waste her time talking to lowlifes like us! We're just
vampires!" Suzie suggests just "catching her eye" – but it's not her Lily's
worried about. It's her "flock" – which we see Doubt turning back to look at
them as their "shepherd" wields her astral fire. Suzie argues "She's a celebrity!"
And she doubts they've killed "anyone that she knew." (I'd doubt that, Suzie.)
"She's a human apex predator! We're just lice to her!" Suzie brushes this off
and goes over to introduce herself… Doubt, however, has other ideas. "Hey,
hold up there, bestie! Let's head over to the Oak Park Heights prison and get
some breakfast!" Doubt and Monica march down towards her office, with a
"new demon" we haven't seen before at her side. Monica's wondering why
Doubt's so smug. "Just getting myself acquainted with your new friend."
"Yeah, she's been awfully quiet. What the #### is this bitch's story? Is she
another demon?" That's when she introduces herself: "My apologies, was my
look too severe? I wasn't sure how you work. I've heard that you can go pretty
dark. Quite disturbing. (She morphs down to a figure we're a bit more familiar
with) "My name's Tsillah. I'm the daughter of Charon, and I've been assigned
to you." Assigned? By whom? "My daddy! He said that you'd need a liaison!"
(Makes sense, right?) "Well, first of all, stop acting like I'm your boss. You
sound like you'll be an expert guide." Shadow hugs! "This is going to be so
cool!!" Meaningful eye roll from Doubt, there…]
Pratt & McBride (2012-11-01) ["Suzie, we are not going to the prison to eat
anyone! You may have done that back in the 1890's, but that $#!+ is NOT
OKAY!" "Fine! Your ass is ringing, Lily. You better answer that." "This is
agent Pratt… Yes sir,… Yep, we're still in Minneapolis. Agent McBride is with
me now. No sir, she hasn't had any incidents warranting a debriefing… yet."
Flash back to their last "incident" – Lily comes in with guns drawn to the
apartment of a notorious serial killer (Martin Reynolds) Suzie's nowhere to be
found. They found the bodies of the girls locked in his warehouse freezer. She
moves stealthily along the wall: "We need to take him in! He can tell us where
the rest of the girls are! Suzie, I can smell you! Do you have Martin back there?
Backup is coming..." She rounds corner, points her gun… Suzie apparently had
Reynolds for a snack. Back at their boss's office – Suzie's still coated in
Reynolds' blood – and as she tries to say something he just yells SHUT UP!
He's downing coffee and Pepto over these two – and the only reason why he
can't throw them in jail is "because you two would EAT ALL THE
PRISONERS!" The truth is, their eyes aren't bleeding, so that means "either the
deceased let you in or he's a guilty piece of $#!+." Unfortunately, with him
dead, that can't be proven. The "official" story is that the deceased blew his
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brains out with a shotgun. They did manage to find two other girls. Only one of
them was alive. This hits Lily personally. Ah, but it's his lucky day! They're
being transferred out of his office – but still part of the FBI. "You'll both
answer to another department. You'll both find an envelope in your lockers.
Now… GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!" Back to the present day:
Suzie's still apologizing for things – and the letters were vague (probably just
"come to Minneapolis, by the University Museum"), when a figure appears:
"Well now, Monica's not here to get in the way. Looks like I'll finally get my
hands on a couple of vampires." She looks like Doubt – but with dripping black
wings! Lily's scared crapless – Suzie points out they're the only ones that can
see her – and wonders what a demon can do to them? "Demons aren't allowed
to hurt us!" "I am no demon. And I'm here for both of you. This will all be over
soon… in shadow, of course." (Does that give it away?) Neither of them can
see anything! "Oh, I'm so sorry? Is this better? Not too bright? (Yep, it's
Tsillah.) Welcome to the Men In Black. Your old boss said I should be ready to
give you a 'swift mental kick to the rear', to get your attention." Lily's shocked:
"But… you're a little girl. Where's the creepy supermodel?" Her daddy always
said to "make an awesome first impression and it'll speak of your character and
fortitude. But, I don't really like scaring people. Unless, of course, I absolutely
have to do so." Suzie engages in an accidental "Who's your daddy?" joke; "I'm
Death's daughter. My daddy is Charon. My specialty is shadows. In fact, you're
looking at my shadow." Lily looks around at the curtain – that?" "No, silly!
Right here. THIS is my shadow! (voice change) I'm the curtain around you!"
The two girls are "in over their heads." A bit dramatic, in front of the
University Museum; all anyone can see is the shadows on the sidewalk of the
branches of nearby trees. "Look, you both still base yourselves through the
FBI. However, now you answer to me as a ranking member of the MIB, and I
help cover your tracks and make problems go away." Lily: "So, we're not being
punished?" This amuses the shadow girl: "You guys."]
Only Useful Superpower (2012-11-19) [Meanwhile, outside of the shadows:
Nudge shows up as Monica is relaxing outside in front of the lion statues
outside the Museum <side note: the lions are actually in front of the
Minneapolis Art Museum, not the University of Minnesota Historical
Museum>. Nudge is dressed a bit more appropriately "dorky chic": "I have this
problem. Two of my friends are, let's say, they're method brooders, and let's
say… they need help. And…" "These friends are stubborn?" "BULLHEADED!" Monica's picked up on who she's talking about: "I'm guessing,
these friends have possibly taken each other for granted, and may have hurt
each other…" Trickster mode: "Yeah, you know, when you say it like that…
They sound pretty hopeless. Dense. Besides, they're both still 'my' friends.
Screw it! No need for me to work any harder than I have to. Geeze, I've got
better things to do! I need a beer and a cannoli!" This surprises M – even as
Nudge starts walking away. "I have no angle here. You choose who you want
to be friends with!" "So! This is about Phix and me, right!" "You've got your
bra on good and tight don't you? You're thinking, this must've been important
enough for me to come here, using the Annex and all. Beer. Cannoli. Come
with me. Those jumbo jugs of yours (as she tugs her by the shirt) should get us
some free drinks. That's your only useful superpower, right?" EXCUSE ME?
(Button flying!) "Oh come now, you played the part of the pincushion. You
weren't the important individual you thought you were. Now the adventure is
over, and what are you? The same insecure little bug with a set of tits to get
you by. (M's countenance has suddenly changed… to back when Shelly nearly
pissed her off while making the book disappear!) Admit it, you're all about just
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getting by!" Glyph sign ON… POIT! Remember the threat of poiting into an
active volcano? Mon just did it to NUDGE! SPLORTCH! "HOW'S THAT
FOR A BURN?!" Astral fire, eyes and fangs at full strength… And Tsillah
looking over her shoulder: "Monica? What the heck?" LEAVE. (Where have
we heard that before?) "ONE COTTON PICKIN' MINUTE!!!" Our Gorgon
sister appears: "Nudge asked me ta meet her here, sayin' she was concerned
'bout our Miss Monica! Sayin'…" Monica suddenly realizes she didn't know
what happened: "It felt like I was dreaming!" Euryale continues – managing
not to spring her snakes on her: "…sayin' that Monica has 'ficially moved into
dangerous standin'. Capable uv killin' demigods!" (Like, say, Nudge.) She
wrestles with this – she can't hurt anyone with her power… but she was feeling
upset… I thought of what would upset her. "No, what she hates… what she
fears most…" Tsillah goes to shadow mode: "And you exposed her to that fear.
You forced her to experience that fear?" She appears in the Library: "I did! I
dumped her in the volcano from the island! I killed her! I'm a monster!" She
collapses onto all fours – an animal. A monster! "I'm a murderer!" Euryale's
commentary is telling: "She was as decisive as a cobra! Quicker too! Land
sakes!" Tsillah appears to be giving a brief to someone: "She chose Nudge's
worst fear. She has the mind of a sociopath but the heart of a lion." Phix looks
down at her – but not in anger: "Nudge's worst fear? I think we'll all be
breathing a bit easier for the foreseeable future. While thanks are in order, I
believe, more importantly, you stand on common ground with us all now."
But… but I killed her! Over some comments about boobs and self-worth! And
her worst fear was? "A volcano! I dropped her in a ####ing bath of ####ing
lava!" Euryale calls to the Βιβλιοθιήκη… And an obsidian… chunk? Appears.
"Someone get a hammer!" Monica doesn't understand; "Ever try to give a cat a
bath?" Nudge appears from the chunks: "Oh, this better've been worth it! Chip
faster! I told my mum that pumice baths were good enough, but noooooooo!
Once a month she'd throw me in a bath of lava, fish me out, and scrub the stone
off of me with a bronze brush!" Tsillah peeks in: "Hey, sis! All better?"
Monica's in shock… soon as Nudge is out, Euryale tells her, "You're up,
darlin'." Nudge gives her the comforting hug she needs. And Monica falls
asleep on Nudge's side as the rest look on. She's one of them now.]
Meet the New Boss (2012-12-10) [Suzie's day starts at 4:30 in the morning –
where she dumps out the bucket of blood that's drained from the body she had
hanging in the shower. Previous day, Hennepin County Medical Center morgue
– Jane Doe. 17, found in an alley, died of exposure (It's December in the TC.)
No matches. She'll take care of it – with some enzyme cleaner. Suzie
apparently used the shower as a way of draining the blood from the body; the
enzyme mix is to help her "look better". She uses the blood to do some tracking
down of her ID (and keep the surplus for "herself"). She finds all their names.
And a headstone. Not nameless fertilizer. And without any blood, she won't
turn into fertilizer and a vampire. "Out of sight, out of mind. No one should be
forgotten. Or made to feel that they don't matter. That's how vampires are
made! I don't know who came up with that damn contagious bite crap, but let
me tell you… you won't be forgotten." Meanwhile, Lily was out getting coffee
– and she sees an MIB van "making a pickup" (carting the dead Jane Doe out).
"Are you friggin' kidding me? Now what the hell did Suse do?" Lily flashes her
badge at one of the MIB's – who's eating a Salted caramel latte popsicle. "The
boss wants to meet you." "Who?" "Senior Director Brandilyn Oduya." Coffee
drop time! "You, YOU! You, you're the, the Chess Master!" "Agent Pratt, am I
making you nervous? You'll need to get over that! You're part of my team now,
and I can't have you scared of me. Follow me." They go for a walk around the
237.
238.
239.
lake: She knows that Lily's loyal and smart. "Tell me what you know about the
World Grid." This is like telling Einstein about his Theory of Relativity: "The
World Grid. You were instrumental in the formation of the World Grid, using
vimana cells. You made a pact with the demon realm, and in return for their
guidance, you would block Titans and the Elder Gods from ever reaching earth
again. The last cell was put in place around 4300 BC." SDO corrects her: "4354
BC. Putting that last cell in place made Kikai Caldera go all blooey in a VEI-7
(Volcanic Explosivity Index; the explosiveness is somewhere greater than 100
times more powerful than Mount Saint Helens – on the level of Mega-colossal)
eruption. Folks tend to remember that. (Brandi continues) The Grid keeps interdimensional beings like the Titans and Elder Gods from coming to earth. But
there are a few Titans living among us, but they're generally benign. Have you
heard of the One Library? It's a sentient portal that allows passage to those with
good intentions. Unfortunately, good intentions can still be dangerous." Pratt's
impressed, but she's just a vampire. "I'm just a damn bug!" She points out about
flattening the earth and putting "events in motion that could end with a woman
skinning herself." (FORESHADOW!) She's recruited the two of them, though.
"Tell me what you know about the Mapimi Silent Zone."]
2012-12-21: "Well shoot! I guess I better go to work." (After all this, you
KNEW that this strip was coming, right?)
Filler & Guest Strip Time Again (2012-12-24) [Two Christmas prints from
Paul – Euryale under the mistletoe, and Santa Monica (no, not that one); two
guest strips: Arianna Fahrenheit and Rosalie Lub – and one last fanservice
drawing from Paul (Monica's out of the shower – but not ready yet!)]
A New Sub-Titan (2012-12-31) [Monica wakes up with a sore neck and stinky
sheets… and then realizes she fell asleep atop Nudge. (But at least she had a
Happy New Year!) She realizes she's still in the Library… when suddenly, it
speaks: "Library has detected a metamorphosis in the entity Villarreal. Testing
your status level… (ZAP!) Probe shows level of sub-Titan. Designation: Jaguar
Girl. Jaguar Girl has been officially recognized and given passage to and
through all portals." M squeezes Nudge: "WHAT THE FRIGGEN #### WAS
THAT?" "Wow, I've only heard the library speak that one time…" Monica
goes running off to find Phix – fangs out and running… "Was I running on all
fours?" She calls out: "Phix! Where are you? Thomething's not right! What
the…? What's with my mouth? Thuper big teeth? Thon uva… OH GREAT!
Give the thort nerdy girl a thpeech impediment!" Meanwhile, back at the
apartment, Suzie emerges to find Lily: "I saw your new clean-up crew. Not
very superstitious, if you ask me." "I don't think anyone around here gives a
$#!+." "Not the point. C'mon, we have a new assignment." Tsillah pops in:
"AAAAAND You're gonna LOOOOVE it!" "Care to tell us why we're in an
abandoned building?" Tsillah goes for the big entrance: "Without further ado, I
now formally welcome you to the L…" "YOU! You're involved in thith
thchem to thanghai me into thomething with your thmoke and mirrorth! You're
Nudge'th thithter!" "What in the world is going on with your voice?"
THPEECH IMPEDIMENT! (So as not to ruin my spell checker) When she was
in kindergarten, she had to see a speech pathologist because of her tongue. And
then there was the headgear for her braces. And now she sounds like
"Thylvethter the cat!" Tsillah thinks she sounds SO CUTE! She formally
introduces the two girls to Monica. "You three will be working together!"
Predictably, Lily recoils as Suzie fangirls: "The Demon Shepherd!" "You guys,
she's not gonna hurt you…" Phix, however… SLAM! "VAMPIRES?" Lily
passes out while Suzie is frozen in place… Phix is about to swat away the
insects, but Monica does a sudden poit in front of them: STOP! Too late…
240.
Faceoff – and most of it ends up on Lily. SPLOCK! Suzie's bracing for second
impact – even as Phix realizes who she just eliminated! Tsillah's non-plussed:
"Phix, what the heck? Leave those two alone! They're my guests! But Monica
got in your way! I'd chalk it up to an accident." Phix is down on all fours:
"Ooooh no no no no no… no… that didn't happen. No… oh Pumpkin… Oh
sweetie…" Suddenly, she winces from the burst of astral fire, and a figure
covered in jaguar markings rises up from the floor in the middle of flames, and
turns, looks at her, and says: "THAT BRA COST $350!" She looks around as
the astral fire burns around her: "Aaurrgh… I'm snort having trouble… snarl
concen… concentrating!" Phix is happier than ever! "You… You're ALIVE!
How did this happen?" "GAARRGH! SHUT UP! Ever since Bia came to the
library, you have snort become easily angry. You're violent! More… animal!!
What is your problem? Did Bia piss you off? Is this about your son? You have
Shelly on your side. Quit being a damn bitch! Got it?" "But YOU'RE
ALIVE!!" "You're not listening to me…" "I was worried. I thought I…"
THOCK! Backhand to the jaw! "THAT'S how this society works, right?
Civilization is just a façade, right? After all, we're all just animals, right? You
all had a hand in making me what I am. Now you'll LISTEN!" She knocked her
GLASSES off! She turns, gets RIGHT in her face, and with a snarl: "YOU
HAVE MY ATTENTION!" She then bows her head against M's forehead:
"And you have my respect, Pumpkin." The birth of the first sub-Titan in over
one million years… And the girls need to go with Tsillah to get her some
coffee. "We don't want her to be a grouchy pants." We end with Tsillah carting
her over her shoulder: "C'mon, ladies. Let's get Monica a shower and some
clothes. Sub-Titans need to maintain their dignity, after all."]<Projected end to
volume 9 of the Wapsi Square book series>
Katherine Gilchrist and the Lost Dolls of the Anasazi (Part 1; 2013-01-25)
[NOTE: this is a multi-part storyline – and a long one… Katherine starts out
her day, as usual – naked and talking to Oscar. I need an adventure. She
ponders this after getting her clothes on: Another day… Does it matter? Do I
make a difference? Would anyone notice if I didn't go to work? Well I need to
make a difference! I need to be out there. I do matter! Temporarily halted by a
stuck door, but I will matter! Once at work, Kath takes a look at her calendar –
she's free to work on a paper. Monica mentioned something about Mesa Verde
having a connection to the Mayans. And she remembers a story about a group
of Kachina dolls found in the Mapimi Desert. She reads through the article:
May of 1976. Orson Miller flying personal aircraft to Mesa Verde; flying over
the Mapimi Desert, electronics failure, crash landing, found a stone with
pictographs and odd symbols, a small cave. Inside was seven dolls. Brought
them back for study, but plagued by nightmares and personal tragedy. Vowed
to return the dolls to where he found them. Vehicle found outside the desert,
only found his backpack and one remaining doll – the "ancestor baby." "GEEEEE-ZUS! Creepy much?" Cut to Kath wandering into the old hospital
building via the Stevens door… But nothing's happening, no Library… A pair
of bird feet clack towards her. "H, hello? Is someone there?" Out of the
darkness comes a girl carrying a book: "Greetings, fellow explorer! A great day
for an adventure, is it not? I just finished a jolly sea epic, and now the book I'm
reading next concerns a cook becoming a knight! My name is Άτσαλη! What's
yours? (Atsali?) You have my name? (Uh no, uh, I'm Katherine.) Greetings,
Katherine. Are you here for an adventure?" Normally, Sirens are sedentary
creatures, but she reads books! She gets a bit grandiose, but asks Kath what
she's there for: "I'm on the trail of missing, possibly cursed Kachina dolls, a
connection between the Mayans and the Anasazi, and the mystery of the
241.
Mapimi Desert." This impresses Atsali: "Would you like an adventure
companion?" Adventure partner? That's how they start! Simple steps, then
"Bam! You're in the middle of a motorcycle chase in Madrid!" (How old are
you?) "I'm not a naïve schoolgirl! I'm 15 years old!" (That makes me even
more nervous…) She knows the library inside and out! She'll help find other
doorways. (I was just going to go ask Phix.) NO! "You're, you're not, uh,
allowed to use any other doorways, only your own! I can help you… find
those!" Atsali calls up the directory for exits to find the library floor that has an
annex that is closest to… where? "I was thinking to start at Mesa Verde to look
for any…" Tap tap tap – "Here! Floor 216, Wing G, Aisle 18! Let's go! I can
fly us there!" Kath is really not sure about this. Atsali doesn't want anyone
seeing them… the end of the aisle is the exit – but there's a minotaur! "He'll,
uh, try to catch us! Run for the exit!" The minotaur turns away: "Mama, why
were those girls acting like that?" "I'll tell you when you're older, sweetie."]
The Spider In The Wall (KG&TLDOTA, Part 2; 2013-02-07) [They run right
into an abandoned mine. "Should be" close to an exit? Whoops, rope! And
something acidic. A lamp with some oil. They keep moving; Atsali smells
fresher air the way they're going (not like the mines of Moria). A mine cart!
Maybe with the downhill, they can ride it to the exit. She hands the lamp over –
it's a bit hot for human hands! The lamp fell, the oil spilled out, and… Kath
notices all the boxes of "HERCULES EXTRA DYNAMITE" to the one side…
GET IN THE CART! Kath starts pushing: "Hold on to something!" "I'm just
trying to hold my bladder right now!" She suddenly realizes that wasn't rope
she tripped on – it was a FUSE! Ka-THOOOOM! Daylight at the end of the
tunnel! "HOLD ON!!" "MOMMY!!!" BOOM! Thwick… and in Roadrunner
style… CRASH! Kath has to do emergency field resetting of her shoulder.
They fell through something – an underground structure that is now unstable!
A vase on a table has figures – and a spider! There's only another room! No
doors! (Kath realizes, this girl has no concept of "ladders".) They head down
the ladder, all the way down… and no more ladders! That's when Kath sees the
drawing on Atsali's vase. And the alcove on the wall… "Get in that alcove."
The floors start to collapse just as Kath crawls in… Atsali doesn't want
adventure anymore. She wants to go home! "Just make it stop! Please, just
make it stop. Make it stop… K… Kath, Katherine? Hello? Katherine?!"
NOOOOOO! And a hand reaches up: "Atsali?" AAUGH! THOCK! Kick to the
nose! "OMG! You're alive!! That means you're… Are you okay?" "I dodged an
entire multi-floor complex, only to be kicked in the face!" Kath realizes what's
on the wall – a giant spider. "AAAAAUGH! Was it on my neck? It was on my
neck!!! I hate spiders! Step on it!" They look up – it's carved into the side of
the wall. A huge spider, with an alcove. Kath asks what the spider was doing
on the pot: "It looked like it was about to eat a baby." Protecting, maybe?
Legends about a spider woman who was a guardian – spider-like attributes, but
was benevolent." "Benevo-what?" There's no baby doll, that's in a museum…
ledge is breaking! But she didn't grab the ledge – she grabbed KATH! "I'm
scared of heights! And falling! And hitting the…" Fingers slipped! "This can't
happen! I have a fish that is depending on me!" SNAG! Atsali grabs her and
flies up to the rim! And for her troubles… Kath gives her a swift kick in the tail
feathers! And, with some field resetting of her broken nose… She gives Atsali
the scary look. Atsali hovers Kath over the upper alcove – an open upsidedown triangle. She slides in – "Some of these swirls look like constellations. It
might be a chart." Atsali notices something: "You weren't expecting anyone,
were you?" A lone chopper approaches… Totally black. "WHAT?! GET
YOUR ASS IN HERE!" Atsali's confused… "Just stay close, don't move, and
242.
243.
keep quiet." Moments later… ropes! "Oh $#!+! They know we're here!" Then
suddenly – Lily! "Ms. Gilchrist? We're here to assist you. Don't be afraid! We
were sent by the library! Turns out, you're the scout for our mission! You're
investigating Mesa Verde, correct?" "I am! But you need to get the girl with me
back to the library." "We're not here for a rescue! We have a short time
window to complete our mission! She'll have to come with us!" "This is very
dangerous? What about her parents?" "She was with a group of teen orphans
who visit the Library once a month! We're good!" Orphan? "The Library took
note of your quest and paired you off with us. But I'm deferring to your
expertise. What do you need?" "I need a note pad, and a camera." "I have a cell
phone! Will that do?" "Good enough! And while we're at it, if the Library has
given me any authority at all, I have a suggestion. (Anything! You're the
professional here!) GET THOSE ####ING WIND MACHINES ON THE
GROUND AND AWAY FROM THIS DIG BEFORE ALL THE CLUES ARE
DESTROYED!" Kath pops her back as Atsali starts to cry – she's been found
out as a fraud. Kath starts using the phone to take pictures of the drawings…
and decides to break the ice: "Hey… partner, after I get these pix taken, we
need to lose the suits. Start thinking about how we can do that."]
The Dead Sea Dig (KG&TLDOTA, Part 3; 2013-03-25) [So why would Kath
want to "lose the suits?" Flashback to the last time Kath was on a dig: She's
doing small talk with another girl about a third gal – Amy – who found a clay
pot, broke it – and found a bronze calf. The girl asks, "How did that ditz make
it on this Dead Sea dig?" Another guy, apparently the leader, comes up and
mentions "Her dad is one of the University's biggest donors." And suddenly
THOCKTHOCKTHOCK – They scream his name: JARED! And that's when
the explosions begin. Blood on the ground, one of eighteen on the dig… and
the last of them. Just as she's about to be shot by a chopper…
vrrrroooohhhmmmmm BAAM! An A-10 takes it out. And Kath… is the lone
survivor.]
Escape To Mesa Verde (KG&TLDOTA, Part 4; 2013-03-28) [Back at Grass
Canyon: Atsali looks around, and then flies straight out of the cove, with a rope
attached. She's up by the chopper, where she looks at the notebook: "Huh! Kath
wrote everything 'cept how to get in the helicopter." Kath thinks to herself: You
were in the Air Force. Atsali has an eidetic memory. This'll work. What could
go wrong? Heh – BLAMMO! She got the fuel tank with the tracer! It got Lily's
attention: "Who's shooting at us? Why is that helicopter flying itself?" Kath's
wondering what's going on, too… "Ooooh gosh! That was more than the
rotors! Sorry! Crashing this one should be easier, right? What could go
wrong?" Atsali doesn't quite have the hang of this "flying a copter" thing. She
tries to talk her into where she's supposed to go…. "I don't think the Library
knows the doll's secret. (she puts her hand into an impression in the wall) And
until we know why, we'll keep it that way." Atsali dives out the door and
BOOM! There goes the other copter. Meanwhile, the two of them get bounced
down the stairs of a Mayan temple! "Your breasts are really really soft… Just
sayin'." Their "point of entrance" was 17.48356 north, 92.04698 west. The map
in the alcove led to that point… A Stargate! That's the connection between the
Anasazi and the Mayans! "Well, of course there's a Stargate. How do you think
we got from the Library to Earth? The followers of Mayahuel were the
ancestors of the Olmecs." But that's only something known to paranormals. So
why didn't she say anything about a Stargate to Kath? "Nothing is that simple.
You were looking for missing, possibly cursed Kachina dolls. That sounded
like an adventure worth taking!"
244.
The Game Plan (KG&TLDOTA, Part 5; 2013-04-09) [Back at Mesa Verde:
Lily's looking at the smoke from the wreckage. And when she turns around,
she lets them have it: "Which one of you @$$HOLES was supposed to be
watching the choppers?" Suzie holds her back: "HEY! I've EATEN people
smarter than you stupid #######!" They think that Kath and Atsali are dead.
Something's not right. Lily's taking this too personal. Get some ropes, find out
if the girls are still alive, get on the sat phone… "HEY, ####-FACE! TALK
TO ME!" Lily's all over her like flies on manure: "Around five thousand years
ago, I died in this wasteland! Five other girls and me woke up with various
injuries, and no memory of how we got there! We lost each other in a ####ing
dust storm! AND I ####ING DIED ALONE!" She has NO IDEA why she
came out there; "Maybe I tricked myself into thinking I'd find some kind of
answers or some other hackneyed bull$#!+!" We just got here… Lily doesn't
like that – and shoots Suzie in the chest. "Now you're just being an @$$hole!"
She walks away – and suddenly BAM! BAM! Right to the knees – And Suzie's
all over HER like flies on… well, yeah: "I know I haven't always been very
patient, but I've always been patient with YOU! You're my elder and my
mentor! But I will NOT listen to you say how $#!++\| your live is! I'm stronger
than you and can end your suffering if you want! YOU'RE the one who pulled
me out of the darkness! Were you LYING to me? DO you think this is all
$#!+? AM I just your ####-up that you can last out at when you're having a…
(SLAM! THUD – into the dirt!) BAD DAY?!" Lackey 1 hands Suzie the
satellite phone – there's a call. "You better take that, babe." "Uuugh… gimmie
the damn thing. Hello? Agent Pratt." She sits straight up: "Senior Director
Oduya is going to meet us at Mesa Verde!" Oh man… Suddenly, Lily thinks of
something. "Something doesn't make any sense. WE need to get to that
triangular alcove. Get the ropes and anything from the Blackhawk we can use
for anchors. We need to meet the high director at Mesa Verde. Questions?" It's
about 20 miles away… "SO MOVE!" Elsewhere: Atsali is looking at the wall
of the Stargate – in Mayan – and explaining: It's not about wormholes, "but
more with the Akashic records and quantum theory." The game plan is? She
looks at the phone given her: "If our guests from the Grass Canyon area look
into the alcove, they'll look for us here. But we're going to Mapimi." She points
something out to Atsali: Mayan glyphs (probably translated from the Lanthian),
but they're also stylized constellations. The constellations aren't on a flat plane
– Ursa Major (the Big Dipper) is shown on an angle. Atsali's impressed at
Kath, but what's it got to do with Mapimi? "These allow us to dial where we
want to go. This is how we get to Mapimi. And, you know how the earth grid
keeps the elder gods out? I think that Mapimi is one of the places on earth that
can keep secrets from the Library." A voice suddenly comes from behind:
"Now, the important question you need to be asking is, why are secrets being
kept from the Library." Brandi! Where's Monica? Back at the library with Phix.
"How's your adventure going so far?" "Uh, excuse me?" Atsali blabs all: "This
morning started with a roller coaster ride dipped in dynamite, followed by
killer helicopters! Not the excitement, just the danger! Not like any book I've
ever read!" Brandi doesn't know what happened: "The Library is the one that
pulled the fire alarm! I was sent to meet you here! (That doesn't make any
sense.) Look, I've learned not to question the Library. Stuff ends up making
sense later, and it never puts someone anywhere it doesn't think they can
handle. I was told to meet the new MIB agents at Mesa Verde. Supposedly,
they'll know me when they see me. But first, wait for you here, and tell you to
go to the Mapimi Stargate, then on to Mesa Verde. You'll get all your
answers!" (Awfully convenient. "Geeze! Do we get fries with that order?")
245.
246.
"How'd the Library know that Atsali and I would be here?" "It didn't. It sent
Bud to Yaxchilan, Jin was sent to Puerta de Hayu Marca in Peru, and I was
sent to this Stargate. If you didn't show, I was supposed to go to Mesa Verde
one hour before sunset. That's as much as I know! We all regroup with MIB!"
Her last words are garbled and stunted. "The agents may not make it to Mesa
Verde. They had a… mishap with their choppers." guerk SDO suddenly
"appears": "Not to worry, Miss Gilchrist: Lily's a smart girl. She knows how to
use a Stargate. She's one of the last two living Anasazi." Vampire girl? That's
not Atsali's definition of "living". "Why are we on this trip if I could just talk to
her? Why all the secrecy?" "Honey, you're the one leading this mission. Any
secrets are under your control. See you two at Mesa Verde!" POIT! Atsali's star
struck – but Kath is confused. Atsali knows about the Anasazi: Lanthian
descendants, but their blind devotion to technology made them dumber than
anything. Mayahuel crossed the ocean with the Lanthian survivors; they started
the Olmec and Anasazi civilizations. Their thing was the science of nature.
"Their tech was powered by the very genes in their bodies!" "Come on,
shortround, I have address dialed in! Let's get to Mapimi!" "That is so cool how
you do that!" (She misses the point…)]
The Spider Crystal (KG&TLDOTA, Part 6; 2013-04-29) [ Meanwhile, back at
the Grass Canyon "spider": Suzie checks in on Lily – and Lily tells them to
come down there, so they can go to Mesa Verde. WHAT? "Tell them we're
going to Mesa Verde via a Stargate. "It's the handy work of the Anasazi and
only we can use it. Grab the kids, get in, and hold on to your @$$! I have the
key right here!" (holding up her hand) Back topside – They're gone! All the
soldier kids are gone! "Forget about them and get back down here! We're going
to get to the bottom of this. (she notices something in the wall) Especially why
this crystal is replacing one of the glyph stones. It looks like a spider…" She
makes a comment to Suzie about "what you had for breakfast with blood last
Tuesday?" (No clue) She doesn't remember a lot of things, but she does know
that "this crystal doesn't belong here." It's like overkill – "This crystal could
store more info than a warehouse of super computers." Bring it with for
safekeeping – which means putting it in Suzie's bra-safe! "Call me paranoid,
but stay on your toes. I don't know what to expect. Let's get our asses to Mesa
Verde!" Back at the library – Tsillah is playing "Ernestine the Operator": "MIB
Check in code, Fife, Bravo, Golf, Hotel, Niner, Juliet, Zulu. I have a direct
message for the Mission Commander. Agent Pratt, Senior Director Oduya will
be meeting you at your location in Mesa Verde. Yes, and top priority to assist
the field tech and keep her safe." Dropping the act, she walks away, talking to
the Library: "Holy snickerdoodles! How's that for a day's work, Library?
Helping you get your information on the lost tribe, helping out the lost folks,
making a connection of two lost souls, an' possibly getting Brandi's brain back
together!"]
The Crystal Chamber (KG&TLDOTA, Part 7; 2013-05-07) ["Are we in
Mapimi? "We're in the dark. Let's see if that vampire's lighter helps… aaaand
we discover how vampires live forever. They never light their cigarettes. (To
Atsali) Start feeling for the walls." "I found the floor. (Suddenly)
AAAUUUGH! Bright Light! I'm blind!" Kath takes a look: "Oooh! Ho-leecrap!" "Uh! You swore!" "Look behind you!" "HOLY $#!+!" Seen anything
like this before? Not even close! Tayos Caves, Metal library with records on
gold tablets… but this? These… These are crystal, things. Uh, cylinders.
Hundreds of Thousands of them! Atsali found something that looks like a
control panel… no controls, though. Just a blank block of crystal. "You're the
expert. I'm not touching it." "I'm not sure how I'm the expert. This feels like
glass…" FWIP! "Oooh, are you seeing this? Those look like the glyphs Monica
showed me! And those other marks look like Sumerian. I think we found a
Rosetta stone!" Atsali's a bit un-clued. "One tablet, thee languages on it. All
saying similar text. By understanding one or more of the languages, one can
decipher the mystery language. In theory. Monica is fluent in glyph, and I can
read Sumerian and hieroglyphs." "If they all say the same thing, what's the
point of us learning the third language?" "This is just like a welcome screen.
I'm guessing the rest of any text is all this third writing. But I'm more
concerned about something else. This isn't as much a welcome screen, but a
last minute note. I'm guessing some kind of program let someone dictate and it
wrote in these languages. It's not reading like someone who calmly spoke, but
like someone thinking they're about to die." ARE WE IN DANGER? "No! No,
something was happening outside this structure. This talks about the earth
grid… they were putting the last cells in place… but there were earthquakes,
volcanos erupting…" (The date of the message?) She looks – a star chart.
Uhm… 6,367 years ago! Atsali does the math… 4354 BCE. "Uh, that's the date
of the Kikai Explosion!" "The whole earth was reacting to the strain of the grid
shield's activation. It sounds like they lost control of it. Something went south,
several super volcanoes exploded all over the planet. That's an extinction level
event!" EXTINCTION? They all died? But that doesn't make sense! Kath finds
a file in the registry… a hologram appears: BRANDI! (And she's wearing a
"mark of Bia" on her face!) "Hello? Everyone attention! This is science
director Brandilyn! This is an emergency! The physical structure of the earth
has been compromised! I'm still confident the grid will hold, but the earth's
climate will be destroyed and not be able to support life! The Akashic records
will be of no help! You must follow my instructions! Set your Stargates to my
location and I'll do the rest! Everyone through the gates now!" Atsali's
confused; there must have been hundreds of thousands of people! "How would
they all fit in here?" Brandi starts doing some things on the controls: "Okay,
Brandi, you can do this. You can save their lives and hold up your end of the
deal! The Demon world will have a haven free from the chaotic Elder Gods. At
least the majority of them! And I'll maintain the ability to set my will in
motion… and never be aware of how I'm doing it." The communities come
through the gates, into the crystals via the Akashic records. (It's like a storage
database – with people.) Bud shows up – mummified? "These crystals are
holding stable, but you need to monitor that one person enters per crystal."
"That's how the system is programmed. But I'm still keeping an eye on it. Even
women who are pregnant are getting a crystal for their unborn baby." What's
worse – the separation, or what could happen if they weren't separated. Buffers
were in place to avoid that kind of catastrophe… Brandi looks down at the
screen: "ACACIA! GET OUT HERE! I ####ED UP REALLY BAD!" What
do you mean? "The system was set to identify their babies! Multiple babies!
Triplets! But, there were five… 6?!? NO! NOO! STOP!!!" "You can't stop the
program! You'll kill anyone coming through!" (Six women!) WHAT? "Each
one had quadruplets! Who the hell has quadruplets?!?" "What the hell? We're
supposed to be the ones protecting the Etheitians! Tepoz said that that was the
reason we were made!" "I am trying to protect them! All of them!" "But we
shouldn't be trying to protect them from us! What happened to the six women
and their babies?" "Uh, well… the six women each made it to their own crystal,
and, um, three of each set of babies made it to a crystal…" AAND? "All of the
fourth babies went into the same crystal." Bud pulls the "Talk to me like I'm
three" card, since she's involved in defense, not tech. GURK "Understood.
We'll give the earth 1,000 years to settle, then we'll check to see if all's clear.
247.
248.
Now we rest." THIP! Bud goes away. "Sweet Dreams." SDO has taken over –
and it's incredibly scary… SDO's satisfied with the results, so she heads topside
– where she's greeted by a volcano erupting in the distance! "Oh, this is
glorious! And I can see all the future moves falling into place. Bia may have
heard the prophecy, but she is directing her energy in the wrong direction! All
towards an immortal heir, and not a mortal descendant! THIS IS ####ING
BEAUTIFUL!"]
Etheitian Possession (KG&TLDOTA, Part 8; 2013-05-29) [Back in the
present: There's something important here, but Kath can't read it with just the
Rosetta Page to go on. Atsali notices a crystal missing over in the wall. "Is
there any symbol in the empty slot? Nothing! It's totally smooth and
IUERAPVIKNF!!!!!" Atsali is suddenly lit up like an electrical storm!
"ATSALI! ###-DAMMIT! SAY SOMETHING! HONEY?! WHAT THE
####?" "Oh, Kath… this is too much… This was a library. A safe zone.
Someplace to store people in energy form. It was the last resting place of the
Etheitians, those we call the Anasazi. Only a handful of them were awaken…
They talked to me! All of them! The reanimation process didn't work! Even
though they were stored separately, they were blended. They came out
incomplete! They've been aware all this time! They escaped through me!
They're free now! They… they're gone. They were… not well. Not well at all.
Like 'off their rockers' not well! They ignored the warning marker at Giza.
About the Chimera. They wanted to make more Golems! An army of them!
They were nuts even before they went crazy in the crystals! Brandilyn's grid
wasn't just to keep out the ancient gods! It was used to stop the creation of
more golems, and keep the world in the dark about how you even create
golems, and chimeras! And this underground complex was designed to keep
anyone from discovering it by killing all outside electronics. It's built over a
natural concentrated uranium deposit. It's power source, electric device killer
and… (PANIC MODE) self-destruct device if the crystals are ever emptied!"
And why did she share the useless info FIRST? (Never mind that they're on top
of a critical mass!) "I TOLD YOU that it was scrambled at first! Let's just get
to the darn Stargate while we still can!" CHOCK! There goes their only exit
out of there! The computer's dead! (It's in Atsali's head!) The walls and floors
are breaking! And… Vorp! Bud looks around: "This isn't Mesa Verde. Hey, I
was on my way to Mesa Verde! I was waiting for you two at Yaxchilan, and
then after you didn't show up, I was on my way to Mesa Verde, and now I'm
here." Suddenly, Atsali's "computer file" activates: "July 1970. An Athena test
missile went off course on its way to White Sands. It ended up here at Mapimi.
The military was sent, under control of the MIB. The missile had busted
through into an isolated room of this complex. They found a baby. A baby in
stasis. The combined six babies! It was Katherine… Oh my gosh! You're an
orphan too!" This has Kath speechless – and Bud confused: "How, how the hell
did you know about th…" "Nuclear meltdown in progress! We need to get out
of Dodge yesterday!" Bud to the rescue! "Hold on! I'll have us all at Mesa
Verde in a blink. Don't fret the meltdown, we'll be well out of range!
(Unfortunately…) Oh $#!+! The complex isn't letting me poit us out of here!"
KABOOM! SDO explains the explosion as a "natural critical mass, heating the
surrounding matrix to the point of an explosion." Good enough for the US and
Mexican generals… But where are the girls?]
The Wrath of the Nu Gui (KG&TLDOTA, Part 9; 2013-06-11) [The aftermath
of a huge underground explosion… and suddenly a piece of ejecta lands with a
THUD! And Bud is NOT happy. "HRRRNGH! I. must stay. Calm! I. need. To
think,… clearly." With a cracking of the knuckles – PLASMA BREATH
249.
WEAPON! Cool down mode… She suddenly realizes her lack of clothing…
and poits a sundress to her location. "Okay, you nerds! Everyone out! It's all
clear!" THUNK! BONK! UHGN! Atsali: "Brandi was trying to kill us!" Bud
and Kath: "We know!" Bud explains: "Look, the Brandi that I know wouldn't
hurt a fly. And to the best of my scrambled recollection, I was the driving force
of all the anger in the Chimera. But Brandi did kill someone before that
rampage. A baby under her care. Monica told me that Brandi made a deal that
day with the demon world. The demons I've spoke with said no deal exists with
them. They're terrified of Brandi. She made a deal with the baby she killed. She
made a deal with a Nu Gui." Not a succubus. The Lanthian Nu Gui. All
mythology has a kernel of truth. And the original is much worse. They come
from the death of an innocent. And they get others to hurt themselves. "I
always thought that Brandi was naively dangerous, but after talking with
Monica, I believe I know the source of the ghost I've had nightmares about.
And after all that time I spent in the demon realm, I'm ready to counter all her
planning with a little out-of-the-blue. And call in a few favors." Back at Mesa
Verde: SDO is about to explain the "accident" that happened at Mapimi to Pratt
and McBride, when… POIT… "GOD DAMN! THAT FELT GOOD! WE
WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THOSE TWO ANY TIME SOON!"
Bud' in her "defense director" outfit as a "mummy" – and coated with blood!
"Uh, wh… What? You went to Yaxchilan!" "Damn right I did! Are you
####ing stupid? You sent me! Well, you said the Library wanted me there. But
it was all you babe! I get that now. You had a safety code in place as I entered
the Stargate. (Safety code?) TERMINATION ORDERS. (She pushes Suzy
against the wall.) With EXTREME PREJUDICE. All Etheitians with any
knowledge of golems… (hand through Suzy's chest!) AND ANYONE
WORKING TO HELP THOSE EVIL ####ERS!" Hand crashes through the
wall – it's Bud, and she "drops" the spider crystal; she gets right in Suzy's face:
"Okay, @$$hole. Hey, stick with me. How are you connected with Brandi over
there? Are you trying to kill the bookworm and the kid? (Director Oduya's
insane. You're not going to kill me. You're here to help. You've got pig blood
on you.) Katherine and the kid are still alive. Where did you find the crystal?
Was it in a Stargate? (Lily, my partner, found it in a Stargate about 20 miles
from here. She doesn't trust the director, neither do I. Lily's Anasazi. Is she in
danger?) You both are. Just follow my lead and we'll be okay." Bud turns,
pulling her arm out of Suzie's chest: "Etheitians, you will die today! But you'll
die knowing the population of the world will be greatly reduced, thanks to
you!" Lily's scared beyond scared: "Wait! What did I do? I can't remember
being an Anasazi?" (SDO in the background: "Did I set that safety code? I
don't remember any code in place near gates.") "There's a warning All about
you! You're dangerous! A real deal breaker! ("Miss goodie-goodie never did
any sabotaging of my plans. Or helping them, either…") Meanwhile, on the
other side of the wall: Atsali puts the crystal into a slot; "Okay, Kath. You're
up." "Got it." Kath puts her hand on the activation control. Back to Bud – who
grabs Lily's hand: "Ever seen a being ripped in half! Don't blink and make me
sad!" SDO is still pondering: "She couldn't code her way out of a box. The only
thing she ever put near gates were unused data crystals…" Bud presses Lily's
hand to the gate's controls: "Just put your hand here, and kiss the naughty
succubus bye-bye!" Suddenly, it makes sense: DATA? BUFFER
CRYSTALS? $#!+!]
A Cleansing Program (KG&TLDOTA, Part 10; 2013-06-11) [And suddenly,
the Nu Gui is ripped from Brandi! "Huh, wha? Bud?! When did you get here?
The Library called us all for help. Do you have any idea what's going on? And
why is the Stargate behind me active?" Bud smiles as the plasma and electricity
flows around them: "We're running a cleansing program of the terrestrial
elements of the Akashic records. There was contamination from the data
crystals." Suzie and Lily are holding on for dear life: "Remember when I said
that we're in over our heads? We're past that mark now!" "Was I just involved
in helping the director of MIB, or did I just break her?" Bud: 'Okay then, ladies,
I'm going to get Brandi to the Library, and I'll leave the Stargates in your
capable hands. The four of you know just what to do." POIT! The Nu Gui is
wailing, now that it lost its host! "I'm sick of much more powerful beings
saying that everything is okay when it's not! Who the hell are the other two?"
Atsali: "Five minutes is up! The succubus should be totally out! It sounds like
all heck is breaking loose!" Kath: "Disconnecting the Stargate now! Buffer
crystal on!" FLASH! Fwip! Thup. Suzie's wondering if this is the norm for
them now; Lily: "That was a succubus. It had to have been… I, I know Brandi.
She wasn't always crazy evil. She was odd, but not evil. Not like that." Kath
and Atsali appear: "Is the crazy evil thing gone?" Atsali points tugs Kath –
"Oh, and the dreadlocks gal is kind of like your mom. More like one of six.
That's kinda like that tall busty Borg on that one show I saw once. Kind of like
you but you're way prettier." And now we have two confused persons: "The
vase she found earlier was a prophecy: It was told that six special women will
defeat an evil, born from the death of an innocent. It just wasn't the six women
going through fertility therapy. It was the six of us. Even your misguided
murder, creating Kath, and the seeming haphazard antics of Brandi, under the
very nose of the succubus, helped to destroy the Chess Master." Atsali's
computer (with Bia's symbol) has more bad news, though: Brandi waited 885
years for things to clear up… Beginning with Bud, she began to slowly release
everyone from the crystals… They worked to sort out the babies and the
mothers… (We ended up in the desert…) The system was rigged by the
succubus to kill anyone released. Lily doesn't want to hear the answer to this
one: "What happened to the other babies?" "They were set adrift on the ocean.
They died at sea. (What? The other babies? What other…) ALL OF THEM!
All of the Etheitians babies! They were all plopped into the middle of the
ocean! Newborn, unborn, all of them! All the pregnant women were dumped
into the centers of the deserts of the world! They could die suffering, not able
to help each other as they baked or froze to death! Everyone else was left to go
crazy in the crystals. Aware of every, stinking, little thing… That's how she got
them back. I can see it all. So clear. I don't want to remember this. Please take
this away. I'll need to tear my skin off to stop this…" (Prophecy…) Kath is
beside herself! "NO NO NO! This isn't happening now! This was thousands of
years ago! You'll be okay! Right? She'll be okay? WHAT TO I DO?!" Lily
thinks: "Wait, how did you and the kid get here? Did you use the Stargates?"
"Huh? No, we… we came with Bud! She brought us with her! Why?" "Get
yourself and the kid in the Stargate! I'll send you to the Library. Now! Move!"
Lily? "Brandi has all the gates buffered with crystal. I don't think that was just
to trap that evil bitchasaurus." (After a brief Car Wash interlude…) The girls
got through the gate… "But what are you doing? That little girl was going to
crack in half?" "I'm trusting my gut. I believe that Brandi was a much better
chess player that the so-called Chessmaster." Lily asks for that crystal in the
wall. What's in the crystal? "There's a hate in there. It can't come back out. End
of story." (How do you know that?) "That carving of a spider. Any marks made
in the crystals prior to storage makes them 'store only'." And Lily delivers a
soliloquy of revenge: "I know it can hear me in there. You… will, never, hurt
any being, ever again. Oh, end if you hope that someone will break the crystal,
250.
and end your suffering. The crystals don't work like that. You will stay
conscious in every single fragment. And it will only multiply your torture.
Endless, painful suffering. Maybe ending if the shards are destroyed in a
supernova. Maybe." We see the spider on the top of the crystal: "Sweet
dreams."]
The Library (KG&TLDOTA, Part 11; 2013-06-11) [Kath is running and
screaming while holding Atsali: "HELP! We need HELP! Atsali's brain is
going to explode, or something bad!" Atsali's head is bouncing: 'Ah-da-dah-dada-dah Dah-da-Don't ba-ba-bounce me up and down like that!" "Wait, can you
hear me? Are you okay?" "I'm fine! It's all gone. What happened?" Tsillah
appears from her shadow: "Congrats. You solved a mystery of a lost tribe of
Lanthis, and gathered their records, as well as helping give someone complete
control of their own mind." Brandi peeks in: "Was this all a drill? Are we done
here? I was making brownies." Tsillah: "Miss Gilchrist, as a library
representative and senior MIB officer, I want to formally thank you." "YOU
KNEW?! You knew about all of this? #### you AND the MIB!" "As a mortal,
you have done what no paranormal has been able…" "We were trying not to
die and using our brains. Maybe you could try near death sometime." (Tsillah
tries not to laugh too hard at that unintentional joke) "Uh, well, with Miss
Acacia's approval, I was instructed to invite you on board as a MIB field
officers. Mortal Division." Kath is more concerned about Atsali… (Uh, this is
an important offer.) THE GIRL! WHERE THE #### DID SHE GO? Atsali is
standing off to the side, "waiting to be sent back to the orphanage. (tears in her
eyes) But, that was a real adventure, huh? Nothing else will match up to that, or
even come close, huh?" Kath: "Are you going to be okay?" "Yeah, sure! I've
made it this far, right? Don't worry about me, I rode a mine car! Me, I'm tough!
Why, my middle name is…" (She "rezzes" away through the Stargate) Kath
yells at the Library: "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? SHE'S
NOT A ####ING THROWAWAY! SHE WAS TRYING TO TELL ME
SOMETHING!" She goes back to Tsillah: WHERE'S ATSALI? "QUIT
STARING BLANKLY AT ME LIKE I'M A ####ING SALE RACK IN A
HARDWARE STORE! THE GIRL WHO WAS WITH ME, WHERE DID
SHE GO?" "She, she's an underage, mortal paranormal. Her time limit in the
Library must've been up and she was sent home." Kath is seething: "She's an
orphan! She doesn't have a home!" Tsillah's more scared than when she talks to
daddy: "Then, then she must be part of the orphanage that comes here one day
every month. I don't make the visiting rules for those kids!" Hell hath no fury:
HER NAME IS ATSALI!! SHE SAVED MY ####ING LIFE, SHE HELPED
EXORCISE SOME EVIL CREATURE, AND SHE BROUGHT BACK
YOUR PRECIOUS ####ING INFO!" Bud enters, and she's not happy, either:
"Dammit, Tsillah! You're one of the reasons I hate coming to this bureaucratic
hell hole! What the hell is your problem? Kath, are you okay?" "I'M ####ING
FANTASTIC! What was all of this? Was this whole thing a SET UP? Where's
ATSALI?" Bud turns on Tsillah: "START TALKING!" Tsillah's ears droop: "I
found a connection to an info gap, and the World Grid. Something my dad has
talked about, are damaged souls. They actually give him the creeps. They come
from a tragic death of an innocent. He had curse one out that robbed him of
countless souls. He talked of the Etheitians. That's when I thought about Miss
Brandi." Bud calls bull$#!+. Kath actually believes her. "But, she's not telling
us everything. She's leaving something big out." "What? There's nothing else to
tell you! Brandi's herself, the hate is contained, the grid is intact, we have the
info from the lost civilization…" Bud puts two and two together: "The grid.
This is somehow about the damn grid." Kath thinks: "The grid's up, the elder
251.
gods are kept out. The demons and Brandi worked together to put it in place.
What else?" "The hate actively went along with the plan." "The hate wouldn't
have been trying to destroy the grid. Turning it on was part of the trick to trap
all those people. The hate would've had other plans for its use." "Maintaining
power somehow?" "How about branching out?" The grid works pretty much as
intended: no Elder Gods on earth, but the library allows some through. "What
if the grid does something else unintended?" "The grid does have certain
triangular shaped anomalies that were expected, but have proven quite bizarre."
"What if the grid acts as doorways in those areas? Portals that bypass the
Stargates?" Tsillah tries to interject about the MIB agent position offering…
Kath isn't taking it: "Will you #### off? Why aren't you looking for Atsali?"
Bud gives Death's daughter a talking to: "Tsillah, Katherine is above MIB. She
has been ever since she helped Monica with the Calendar research. MIB stays
out of her way and cover her tracks when she leaves. I wouldn't lower her to
field officer." (Brief interlude: Free Hugs from Monica!)
The Orphanage (KG&TLDOTA, Part 12; 2013-07-20) [We start with four onepanel strips from Atsali's childhood: Kite flying, a "pirate ship", a spider
"adventure buddy", a tea party… and then, looking out the window of the
orphanage. One of her fellow orphans (Castela – whose name we don't find out
until later) appears: "Atsali, there you are! I lost you at the Library. Where did
you go?" She doesn't want to talk about it: "Nowhere! I didn't go anywhere,
okay?" "WE were supposed to watch out for each other…" "They have us
watching out for each other because nobody really CARES ABOUT US! WHY
do you follow me around? What do you think, that I'm going to be like a big
sister to you? Why do you bother?" "B, because I like you. I, I thought you like
me." "WELL, IT'S FAKE! IT'S NOT REAL!" The little girl starts to cry…
wait, are those strings? "STOP BEING MEAN!" No, those are strands of thorn
bushes! "JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ANGRY, DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU
CAN TAKE IT OUT ON ME! AT LEAST YOU KNOW THAT YOUR
PARENTS ARE DEAD! BECAUSE I KNOW THAT MINE THREW ME
AWAY!" Atsali hugs her as she winds down: "They didn't want me. They left
me alone…" "Stop that! Stop that now! I'm sorry, Pickle! I won't abandon you!
I won't leave you. (She puts her back down) Oh Pickle. I'm so sorry. Hush,
shhh… You're okay. Look at me. Hey lookit me. We'll be okay." sniff "I need
to blow my nose." Just then, a crocodile shows up at their door (holding a
newborn in hand and a bottle in the other): "Gadzooks, ladies. Is everything all
right? Castela, are you okay?" Castela (who is aptly named: a thorn plant!)
leans against Atsali's shoulder as she embraces her: "I'm okay, Mr. Meadows.
Are we all going to the zoo tomorrow?" "Yes, sweetie. They have the newborn
griffons ready for visitors." "Can I hold one?" "I don't know, sweetie. We'll
have to see. Atsali, there's some people here from the Library to see you."
Atsali's a bit concerned: "Am I in trouble?" "In trouble? I don't know. Should
you be?" "Noo!" "Does this have anything to do with why Castela was crying?
(Atsali clams up at that.) Why don't you just go find out what they want?" "I
want to go too!" "Castela, it's already past your bedtime!" "I'll make sure that
she's in bed soon! I promise!" "I want another brownie too! And a glass of
milk!" They come to the room, and the first thing they see is: BUD! "Atsali!
Are you okay? We have some unfinished business to attend to." (Like what?)
Kath comes from the shadows on the other side of the room: "The adventure
we started. It's not over yet. Would you like to join me? (Katherine?) I, uh, I
thought we made a really good team. I was wondering if you'd like to stay, uh,
together…" "Stay, stay with you? Like, adoption?! (She looks down at Castela)
Castela's part of my adventure too." Kath turns to her: "Castela. What a
252.
beautiful name! My name is Katherine. I was on a very big adventure with your
friend Atsali earlier today. She was very brave and helped many people. Do
you like adventures?" Castela's not too sure about this woman with the weird
eyes: "I, I, um, I, Atsali, Atsali reads to me. Atsali read me, um, she read me
Treasure Island. It, it's my favorite adventure!" "I like Treasure Island too!
But, would you believe that Atsali has done things even more exciting than
that?" Castela's got a bit of a stammer: "Was, was she looking for buried
treasure?" "She found buried treasure! And she helped save an entire lost
civilization! And she defeated a mean and nasty creature who wanted to hurt
her and others!" SHE DID?! "I've been authorized by MIB to offer Atsali, and
you, to go on more adventures with me. MIB will help with day-care and
schooling. And you both can live with me! Would you like that?" OH! YES,
PLEASE! We end with three single panel strips: Kath with her two new "girls"
(as they're apparently heading off to talk to the director of the orphanage); two
panels of Castela – one chasing butterflies, another of her listening to a
sunflower plant (in the "sketch" version, Castela was saying, "It's singing!")]
Don't Let Them Down (KG&TLDOTA, Epilogue; 2013-08-07) [Monica (you
remember her, right? Jaguar Girl, Demon Shepherd, main character?) is
looking out at the skyline from the roof of Shelly's apartment – and
contemplating things: "I just turned 31. I guess that doesn't mean anything
anymore, does it?" Shelly just realized: "I haven't thought about how old I am
in…" "Forever?" "A really friggen long time." "I guess I'll kinda look my age,
until I die, or jump off a building… then, 'poof' I'll be 29 again." Shelly teases
her: "Was there a complaint in there somewhere? Because the Monica I know
needs to find things to bitch about." "I'm not complaining! I was just…"
"Because if Monica can't find something to bitch about, she bitches about that!"
"I'm not bitching, you annoying bitch!" Monica can actually smell Stella's Fish
Café (over on Hennepin) all the way here to Shelly's apartment! "Do I take it
that you are actually embracing your animal paranormal side?" With a devious
smile, she says she's "up for a bit of competition!" And that's when the Jaguar
Girl throws a right hook – and launches herself over the side! "Tag! You're it!
The last one to Stella's buys the first round!" We see this little exchange in
Shellyvision: "You're ON!" M does her best parkour-like "cat jump" moves –
and taunts Shelly to "move your geriatric ass!" This leads to a whole exchange
about ass touching and ends with a SLAM in front of Stella's. The next scene,
however, is of a rather angry Phix, steaming as she sits on all fours, then:
"Breathe deeply… Your, actions, …in front of… all those… ####ING
CIVILIANS! (cue M and Shelly sitting like they're in the principal's office –
which might be the more pleasant experience right now) Do you two, think that
you're so ### damned special, that MIB is your personal cleanup crew? You
have no idea! We, have, rules, FOR A REASON! …Your two have done more
damage… ("But, Phix…") I DIDN'T, GIVE YOU… PERMISSION, TO,
TALK! (Angry Phix is ANGRY – and in Monica's face) YOU shut your damn
mouth, and LISTEN! Don't you dare open your mouth until I tell you to! ("But,
grandma…" BOP! Backhand of the Sphinx) NOT talking to you!" Phix takes a
different tack: "To say that I'm disappointed in you would be a huge
understatement! I am embarrassed to say that I am your teacher! (Monica's face
is downcast – and feeling very, very ashamed) There are supernaturals who
would give everything to join society so openly as flying through the city! But
they don't have the luxury of being the 'queens' of earth! You two have the
option of humility. They're the recipients of bigotry and fear! (Shelly's tearing
up as grandma continues) A cockiness and bigotry that I had, that I still need to
get over! Don't be like me. Be better than me! Not too long ago, I was the type
253.
who would execute any vampire on the spot! But two months ago, two
vampires went further than I thought they were capable of in protecting other
who could do nothing for them in return. (That'd be Lily and Suzie.) I'll go as
far as to say that their work resulted in the adoption of two lovely young
paranormals. Paranormals who would be executed on the spot if mortals knew
of their existence. Their safety relies on staying hidden. There's a complicated
and very delicate balance in place. You see, humans know paranormals exist.
Neither paranormals nor humans push this relationship. As crazy as it sounds,
it works. Some humans ignore the existence of paranormals, calling us myths.
Others say we're the work of the 'devil'. Other humans quietly coexist with us.
And just because you two could take the armies of the world and win, you have
to remember there are paranormals who would not be as safe as you two.
People would take their fears out on them." And just then – Castela comes in!
"Tanta Phix! Tanta Phix! Tanta Nudge was teaching me to disguise myself as a
human! How do I look?" (She only has one eye down…) Phix is delighted!
"Oh, sweetie! Look at you! You're doing such a good job!" "Tanta Nudge is
taughting me how to look jus like a human girl! I'll be able to go out-n-about
cuz I'll be cogneeto!" (Incognito) "Uh huh! In disguise too! This is like a story
book! They have princesses! I get to be a princess! And story books have
happy endings too! Right, Tanta Phix?" (As she's standing in front of Phix's
wall of skulls…) And – in "Shelly-vision" – she sees M and Shelly! "My, my
mama told me about you two! You two are like heroes! I want to be like you!
I've been having a great day! Shelly, Mama gave me the corn husk doll you
made for me! Me and the doll are both made of plants! (she runs off) I gotta go
finish my lessons! I get to help mama make fudge if I listen good! She'll pick
me up at 2:30!" Phix watches as she runs back to Nudge: "Aah, the wee little
sweetie! You two have folks looking up to you. You need to know that you
have roles as leaders, and role models. (She turns to them with a glare) Do not
let them down." We end with two single- panel strips: Castela running full tilt
and shouting one word: "MAMA!" And, the end of our epic tale… Castela in
the arms of Katherine – and her "new big sister" Atsali hugging them both – all
with huge smiles! (Sorry, I have something in my eye…)]<Projected end to
volume 10 of the Wapsi Square book series>
The Model and the Tar (2013-08-26) [We see the long tresses of a somewhat
familiar figure – who is having a one-way conversation on her cell phone. "I'm
not doing any shoots with anyone! I'm taking a break for the summer. I'm
staying with my sister!" She lost the bodyguards who her agent (whom she's
apparently talking to) got for her… She lost them on purpose. "I'm going to
throw this phone in the storm sewer now. I'll contact you when I get a new
one." As she walks down the street (past a sushi bar), she muses about faking
her own death and living the rest of her life in peace. We see her ordering
coffee at a certain coffee shop – 16 ounce coffee, leaded, no extra gunk. She
goes into a thing about stupid, contrived names of sizes… and Tina finishes her
thought: "In fact, you'd prefer your coffee from a percolator, the way your
grandfather made it. I can come close enough with a French press. Going from
the scars on your knuckles, it's been quite some time since you've let your hair
down. Got in a friendly pub brawl, then had drinks with the folks you pounded
with your fists. You were ten when you spent time with your grandpa, and you
miss that earthy bonding." Georgette's floored: "Uh… being at a loss for words
is not something that happens to me. You have my attention." Tina's suddenly
got a lock-on to Jet's psyche: "You're not just looking for her. You need her.
But you're not sure why." (Who?) "Your parents died in a plane crash. You
survived, and you and your sister were raised by your mom's father and
brother." Grandpa taught her to fight and drink, and the Brawler's Code. "Most
of all, you never start a fight in anger, and you certainly don't end it in anger."
Jet is dumbfounded – even as Tina sees "The twelve year old girl from the
plane crash." The tears are starting to form, even as Tina keeps going: "Your
parents were taking you to a modeling agency. The plane crashed. You were
bruised, and your wrists were broken. Your older sister was injured, all
drenched in blood. Not all hers, of course. Your sister is your whole world, but
you need… Sunshine! You need Monica!" (Jet starts crying heavily – and Tina
suddenly realizes the buttons she's pushed!) "I couldn't stop! It was like you
were sucking that out of me!" She quickly grabs her phone and calls for
Monica to come to the shop ASAP! She's locked the doors. "No one will see
you! Hurry!" With a POIT, some astral fire and a GAAAARGH! "I'm here!
What's wrong? What happened?" Georgette turns, looks at her, and goes, "You
just… you're here. You're really here…" And after a big kiss… "WHAT THE
HELL WAS THAT?!" (she backs away) "I thought that there was an actual
emergency! There's no emergency?! Why is she here? Why did you have me
poit in here, with her here? And why in the hell were you kissing me?"
Georgette is blushing… "Sunshine: Georgette never even touched you."
NEVER EVEN TOUCHED ME? "Monica, how do you know what she
'wanted'? Georgette's thoughts and emotions totally overwhelmed me! She
compelled me to read her! I saw what she needed… (Gray text) She needs you.
She wants you." Tina goes over what she read so quickly: She's "a very passion
filled person. With the death and horror she experienced so early in her life,
having to grow up so fast, blaming herself, yet having things still fall apart on
her… She's a walking romantic movement!" And how does M fit into all of
this? "You saw past her façade! You saw Georgette! She fell in love with you!"
That's enough for Georgette! FREAKS! She goes charging out the door.
<Interlude: Twelve Years of Wapsi Square!> And as she is about to go out the
door THUNK! WAIT! WHUMP! (Door's locked.) Georgette is conked out – in
Monica's lap! "Tina, now what do I do?" Gray Text: "SLEEEEP!"
(BOOBPLANT; "Black Wings" emerge: "Trust me, you'll thank me later,
Sunshine.") Monica wakes suddenly – to be overwhelmed by a naked
Georgette… which starts dripping and turning into tar… and it's not making
nice. Suddenly, a voice off-screen: "Monica! Where are you? Monica!! GET
OFF OF HER! She said 'NO'! Get away from her!" Monica is writhing in
agony… but a disembodied face with long, ethereal hair (similar to Georgette)
yells at this black "tar": "GET OFF OF HER! She said 'NO'! You don't ####
her until her body says 'OKAY'! That's RAPE, you ####ING @$$HOLE!"
Another body, with the similar features and a "mechanical" like skeleton,
apologizes profusely. "We never get guests here. Anger is taking care of the
tar. I promise I won't hurt you. My name is Guidance. If, if you like, I can give
you my hair for clothing." They don't know how she got "here. This is
Georgette's covey. Nothing else, no one else is supposed to be in here. Now we
have you, and the tar. This doesn't make any sense. And you were attacked! I
can never fully tell you how sorry I am that that happened! We will take care of
you, and find out what is going on here. You're our guest." Anger reappears
and starts yelling at Guidance. (And Monica is starting to think her demons are
weird…) "You belong to Georgette? This is all Georgette's space? We're inside
of Georgette?" Guidance explains: "It's a quantum thing. We're not really 'in'
Georgette, but we are a part of her." Demons. Personal demons, only act on
Georgette. "It would be unethical to manipulate or harm anyone else." So
what's SHE doing here? "And that goo that attacked and ####ED ME? That
was no demon! How'd it get here?" (We don't know.) One of you MUST know
254.
SOMETHING! "I need t' get out of here!" "None of us can leave. This is our
human, we're with her until her death! Only a Jaguar Girl may come and go
here." (DING DING DING DING DING!) Guidance keeps talking, the "mess
there would be if demons could just exit their host? But really-" DOOK! Jaguar
Girl? "Yes. But the last I know of was before this universe. She was bad-ass.
Demons and sphinxes alike respected her." Monica takes Guidance by the chin:
"Well, then… I just have one question. (Astral flame ON!) Did she look like
this?" Guidance is shocked, then… SQUEEEEE "The minute I got here, I was
violated. Did I miss something funny?" Guidance suddenly realizes why Jet
loves her. "And I believe I know why the tar attacked you. It wanted you to feel
worthless, and make you give up. It wanted to stop you from saving the one
who loves you." M's in full Jaguar Girl mode now – and not finding this funny,
as Guidance takes her hair back: "No, you don't understand. The tar has been
with Georgette since childhood. It has overshadowed most of the demons here.
It's ####ed a few into submission as well. Anger and hate have been able to
keep it in check." That ignited something in Monica: "RAPING DEMONS?
That sounds like HUMAN EVIL!" Guidance is now completely scared:
"You're not just a Jaguar Girl? What are you?" "I'M A RAPIST'S WORST
####ING NIGHTMARE!" The sphinxes know about this? They kill over rogue
demons, but not caustic parasites? "It's a human issue! It's not the sphinx's
jurisdiction!" The flame is starting to spark from Monica: She's not a sphinx,
she doesn't have a jurisdiction – and "That Tar just ####ED the WRONG
GIRL!" She was brought here for a reason. But it hides! "I'm a demon
shepherd. Watch!" KRACK! The demons come together, and then with her
hands suddenly stretched out, they SKREEEEEE! Away – leaving only a floor.
"Oooh dear, are you hiding now? That is just so PATHETIC. You weak,
worthless little ####! But that is the trait of all who rape, is it not? THAT YOU
ARE WEAK, WORTHLESS, AND PATHETIC! Too weak and pathetic to
face me on my own terms! But I have a trick for fishing you out." She reaches
down and punches the "floor" of this "space… and suddenly, astral fire begins
to burn, causing the Tar to rise to try to avoid it. "Totally harmless to demons,
but fatal to interlopers. This can not be stopped. You will painfully die!"
Guidance is looking on in horror. "But before death takes you, I know how
much you like shoving things inside other. Let me return the favor!" With a
wave of her hand, the Tar suddenly gets a branch of thorns right through it!
The flames finally consume it – and Guidance is terrified! "You took pleasure
in making the tar suffer before it died!" "No. I just facilitated that it was the
Tar's worst fear. It did it to itself. But I'm just enough of a sociopath to not have
minded obliging that fear." Monica finally understands what Phix and the rest
of the Library crew meant. Feral domain, no hesitating, show no weakness.
And it wasn't just saving a human – it was saving a covey of demons as well.
"It feels fresher in here already." Guidance doesn't know what to do – Irony!
Monica's freed them from that beast. She feels… broken. This wasn't their
fault. Freedom is scary – "But you all have each other. Some humans aren't that
lucky. The rest will look to you, Guidance. Talk to them." We have a host to
attend to! "Come get me if you need any help." (After three filler strips of "pinups", our story resumes…)]
Georgette and the Truth (TM&TT, Part 2; 2013-10-07) [Monica reawakens at
Tina's shop – and she remembers: "I was attacked! I was attacked. Some 'thing'
attacked me! And, I become some… monster. I killed it. I killed something."
Tina points out that it was a being that "does not obey rules. You're a hero." I'm
not a hero! "You rescued a girl who was being held captive!" Monica squeezes
herself in fear: "I'm not a hero! I was raped! It raped me, Tina. I became an
animal, I took its worst fear, and I enjoyed making it suffer. (sotto voce) I was
raped." Tina did not expect this: "I… I was trying to help. She needed help. She
needed you…" Oh boy. Grey voice: "I didn't prepare you. I, I could have
warned you. I shouldn't have made you go there not knowing,… (regular voice)
Oh, Sunshine. You need to kill me now." Monica's tears suddenly become
confusion: "WHAT? DON'T SAY THAT!" "You have to! It, it'll look like I
died from a natural cause." SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
Monica's back on all fours – and now Tina's crying: "I've messed up bad! I've
failed you! I can't ever do that!" "Tina, SHUT UP! I'M NOT A HUMAN! YOU
DIDN'T HARM A HUMAN!" (But I'm one of five winged beings prophesied
to be…) Damn it Tina! "I'm a demigod, and I say that I'm not going to ####ing
KILL YOU! We need to get this sorted before…" And suddenly, Georgette
wakes – but where is she? (Two filler strips – Felicia Day & Atsali with
Castela) Tina is pleading with Monica – but M is suddenly in a trance: "Oh my
god, I broke her! Can you hear me?" Meanwhile, Georgette is awake, and in
some sort of jungle… "I was getting sushi. I'm hearing… monkeys! I hear
jungle animals! This is not happening! (She looks out and sees – a Mayan
temple, and a familiar person in "jungle garb", with a staff) What the ####?!...
MONICA?!" A shadow form walks toward her: "Monica, how… Where am I?
How did I get here? We were just at Amanda's studio!" Monica turns to look –
her face in "Jaguar paint": "You are somewhere safe. Nothing bad can hurt you
here. Will you come join me?" The closer she comes to M, the more she seems
to forget: "Excuse me. I… I think I'm lost. Can you help me? I think I was
talking with someone. But, my name is Georgette. What's your name?" "Hello,
Georgette. My name is Monica. I will help you find your way. You're safe
here. (The disembodied head of Georgette appears as Monica reaches out to
her) This is my realm. You are safe here. I promise that nothing will hurt you."
"Something's wrong. Something has already happened. I, I was at the hospital.
I was on a plane. It was late at night. Everyone was sleeping and I had to go to
the bathroom. There was a man! He, he trapped me in the bathroom! I couldn't
leave! He, he was touching me! He wouldn't stop! He said he would hurt me!
He was inside me!! Then the whole room slammed! Everything was shaking,
and loud, then quiet. He was dead. Everyone was dead, but me and Jill.
(Monica reaches out and hugs the crying Georgette.) Nobody knew what
happened to me! They'd never have believed me if I told them! I didn't want to
tell them! I was ashamed. I didn't want anyone to be angry at me! I let that
happen! The people just thought I was bleeding from the crash! But Jill was
covered in our parents' blood! She couldn't talk! It was my fault! I should've
been with her!" (Sweetie, nothing that happened was your fault!) "If, if I had
just waited, I could've been there, with her when the plane was crashing. She
needs me. I, I had to get Jill out of her seat! She wouldn't move. I had to be
strong for her! That would be my job! Our parents were dead, I would be
strong for her! Strong for Jill." Darkness has suddenly set in: "This will hurt. It
won't go away. But if you think that you're protecting Jill by keeping this all
inside… She knows that something is wrong. Let her be there for you if you
need her. (I can't tell her. She already has the sadness of losing our parents. Jill
looks up to me. I need to be her rock. I look up to you. Will you be my rock?
Please?) Georgette… I was raped too. (She reacts in shock – as did practically
every regular reader of WS: "WHAT? No,… Nooo, no.") Yes! Yes, I was! I
had an, extended stay at a hospital. The type of hospital that locks the patient's
doors. He,… he would bind me in a straightjacket for the night,… (MONICA!)
Then he would #### me, face-down, in my room. Leaving me there until the
morning. I had my fifteenth birthday in that hospital. One day, someone else
255.
came to check on me before lights out. (Another familiar face – hidden by her
speech bubble, with fangs and glasses – appears in the background) They had
found his jaw on the roof, and his blood-drained corpse slammed on the
concrete walk by the main entrance. (Monica holds Georgette – and the
darkness has disappeared) My parents sued the hospital, but there was a
settlement. I saw a counselor, and a therapist, then another therapist… I cut
myself (explaining the "pencil" incident)… But, I found that I could lose
myself in books, and studies. If I saw something, I could remember it. My
brain was like a library. I blew through high school, and entered college early.
My schooling was all paid for. I own half of an antique shop that I never have
to set foot in if I don't want to. In all that time, I have never told any of my
friends. Nobody. It was the one thing that I could control in my life. But if
opening up will help you, if I can let you know that you're not alone, I will help
you walk through the darkness." Back at Tina's – she's looking out as the two
wake up, smelling coffee… Black wings are spread: "Ohmygod, you guys! I'm
so sorry, I don't know what happened, I had an overpowering urge to help you
both, I didn't mean to hurt you, you were out all day, I have to go to the
bathroom!" The two girls sit up, Monica looking funny at Tina, and then,
Georgette remembers! And the tears start – but Monica turns and consoles her.
And suddenly, Tina's wings turn white! We end with a single panel: Georgette
at Monica's house, both asleep on her couch, and M with her arm around her
friend.]
Supernatural School Shopping (2013-10-28) [Castela's running to catch up as
the MIB are about to take her and Atsali shopping – but Castela trips on the
steps, and does a header, which causes her to lose one shoe, and… become
unraveled? SWEETIE! (Skirt goes flying!) CASTELA! SPAFF Kath sighs offscreen: "Come on, sweetie. Pull yourself together and get dressed. Atsali, get
Castela's shoe." As she scrunches along on the floor in a bundle of thorns,
she's… giggling? "You said 'pull yourself together'!" Kath looks at her
"reassembled" daughter: "Oh, sweetie! You're excited! Make sure that you
listen, and stick with Atsali!" "Uh huh! I'm I… Ah, I'm cited! I'll I'll listen
good, mama!" Atsali's thrilled, too: "Don't worry, mom! The store will be
locked down. We won't be able to get into any trouble! (Atsali, you keep
Castela in sight!) We got this mom! (to Castela) Hey, Pickle! Last one to the
van is a poopie-butt! One, two, three, go!!" (NUH-UH! YOU'RE A POOPIEBUTT!!) At the store, we see Brandi standing in what looks like the courtyard
of a mall: "Welcome, everyone! Many of you know the drill, but I see some
new faces, so I'll fill you newbies in. This mall is a paranormal-friendly
shopping center. Shops are either run by paranormals or friends of
paranormals. The mall is closed to the public today. You are welcome to be
yourselves and you don't have to worry about holding a human form. All
underage paranormals, please stay with your assigned MIB agent." This doesn't
strike the girls very well: "Awwww! But that's not fair! We were…" THAT'S
BULL $#!+! "CASTELA!" "THAT'S NOT FAIR!" "Then WHY didn't you
SAY THAT?" "I did! It's bull$#!+! That's what gra'ma Lily says! I don't want
to shop with a stuffy adult!" (And then, their "assigned MIB agent" appears…
Bud!) "Aunt Acacia!" AUNT BUD!!! (Castela HUGS!) "I'm sorry about that!
Pickle was feeling a little upset." "Sounded like it! I was going to hang out with
you girls today. (she looks down at Castela) I'm not a stuffy and stinky old
adult, am I?" (giggle) Nooo! Bud looks at the papers: $1,000 for each of them,
and MIB will match that total. Bud will help them pick out clothes for winter
(this IS Minneapolis, of course). "And you can each pick out a few fun things
as well. So, where would you girls like to start?" OVER THERE! POW!
Castela's got great speed – and, as Bud notices: "Good grief! She's a strong
little thorn!" A mermaid behind her points out: "Says the little farm girl, herself
named after a thorny plant." The object of Castela's desire? A pot! Atsali
reminds her that mom got her a bed. "This'll be more comfortable! It's snuggly!
See? Look, I can crawl inside to sleep, an, an, it's nice 'n dark! But it's a good
dark, 'cause I'm snuggly inside! An, if I fall apart in my sleep, this'll help hold
me together!" She repeats that to Bud – even as she's sticking her head out the
top. Guess who's getting the pot, then? Meanwhile, Atsali's looking at some
clothes when she overhears two other girls laughing in the background: "Are
you trying to say that this top is too small? Or are you saying that my boobs are
too big?" The one girl – both appear to be ursamorphs (and twins) – is laughing
about it as the other continues: "I'll have you know, that there are girls who
stuff their bras with a whole box of tissues to look like…" Atsali's suddenly
unhappy look is snapped as her name is called – and Castela comes running in
with a coat, hat and mittens: "Aunt Bud helped me pick out a whole buncha
stuff! Look at this new coat! She told me that I look sfizticated!" "Oh, sweetie!
You look ready for a night out on the town!" An off-screen voice chimes in:
"Oh. My. God! You two are the cutest things ever! (It’s the one ursamorph –
and their 'dimensions' have been reduced somewhat) Oh my God! You two are
just so darn adorable together! We're just so used to being around so many fake
and shallow kids at our school. You two totally rock!" Atsali's guard is up: "I
couldn't help overhearing you earlier… What happened with your, uh, …your
'tight shirts'?" The girls blush: "Yeah, that… Sorry. We were making fun of
some of the girls at our school who like to brag about their 'tight shirts'. Sorry
for giving you the wrong idea. M' name's Berdine, the talkative one next to me
is my twin sister Nadette. We just transferred here from out west." Castela
recognizes them: "Oh my gosh! You girls are bearfolk! I've heard stories about
you! You're ursamorphs!" "You know what that means, sweetie?" (giggle No,
what?) Both of them: "Party Tricks!" (As Berdine has transformed herself into
a balloon animal!) Castela and Nadine talk, as she explains she and Atsali are
"sisters" – but not like the two them. "You and your sister are both pretty! And
being a sister is not just about being related. You love each other!" Speaking of
sis: two others are looking on – Tsillah and Nudge: "Well, look at that, sis!
Lost souls seem to be making a habit of finding themselves not so lost
anymore!" As tactfully as the bear twins can – they can't quite recognize what
the two girls are (in terms of "paranormal"-hood) Castela's forthright: "I named
myself! I'm a whatsit! So far, I'm the only one like me! I'm part plant 'n part
animal. People call me a bush to be mean to me, but Atsali tells me I'm a
flower!" And the girls agree… But they're thinking Atsali looks like a
"beautiful wood elf." "Yeah, I, uh, I don't like being in my other forms… (Ooh!
You have more than one form? How exciting! Do we have to guess?) Uh, I
mean, um, I look part bird, and, uh, taller. Just, uh… not important." (She
doesn't like the reputation behind her species.) Nadette: "Oh, sweetie! I'm
sorry! I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." Berdine: "You seem
totally cool! We just get ahead of ourselves when we meet someone we like."
And the little sister opens her mouth: "Atsali is totally cool! She's a siren! She
can take on the form of a giant half-girl, half-raptor and she could rip a grown
man in half! She doesn't rip people in half, though. I only saw Atsali in her
other form one night when she was sleeping and having a dream. I think it was
about a boy! She was moving like she was dancing slow, and she got all bumpy
and curvy!" SHUT IT, CASTELA! Flashback time: Castela and Atsali are
sleeping, and Atsali's tossing in her sleep… her wings start to sprout, and she
starts to sing… and suddenly she's awakened by the buttons on her PJ top
bursting – because of her sudden endowment! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD!
Castela sits up – and cries out: "MAAMAAA! Atsali's been stung by a
BEE!" (Okay, try not to laugh there…) Castela's still trying to get Mom's
attention, as a very embarrassed Atsali begs her to stop talking – and then
decides to take it into her own hands with a TACKLE POUNCE! Kath shows
up: and Atsali is holding Castela, covering her mouth – and what's left of her
PJ top is bursting against the threads. Kath takes care of Castela, convincing
her there was no "bee" – despite Castela's five-year-old explanation. And Atsali
goes into full angst mode: "I'm an idiotic Siren! My mom was like this too! I
read about when siren girls hit puberty. I thought I had lucked out and had
enough from my dad's side to not bust all over, but no!" (Kath hasn't had to
deal with this before…) "Sweetie, I… Puberty is awkward for human girls too.
I know it's probably not as, uh, abrupt, or, um, all at once…" "I'm stuck like
this! This is my human form and my siren form! I can't make myself look small
again, everyone is going to make fun of me!" And then panic sets in – the trip
to the mall is tomorrow! The kids at school are going to go crazy! "They'll
think I'm wearing a padded bra! Wait, you could wrap surgical gauze around
me!" Kath doesn't think that's a good idea… But Atsali insists! And then less
tight after the first few days of school… Castela: "You're gonna have puffy
parts just like Mama!" Back in the present day: Castela continues her blabbing,
and Atsali is trying to tell her to be quiet… and then gasp! Uh… weeeze
"Atsali? Are you okay? What's wrong with you? Atsali, you're scaring me."
"Here face is turning blue!" THUNK! The bear girls grab each other: "SHE
DIED!!!" Atsali comes-to with an oxygen tube around her face… and Bud next
to her: "Sit still, hunny. You passed out. You're in the mall clinic. You had
fabric wrapped tight around your chest. (Atsali slowly realizes… her chest!)
"Sweetie, please sit down. You need to rest. Listen, you're a siren. You hit
puberty, this isn't a big deal." (She covers her face with her arms – and wings)
"No, it's two giant, heavy, bouncing big deals! I look goofy, I'm gawky and off
balance, and everyone will treat me like a bimbo or a slut!" Bud is matter-offact: "Exactly why you need to meet the Jaguar Girl." Atsali is blushing: "I
can't talk with the Jaguar Girl! She, she's a rock star! She's a sub-Titan! I'm just
a kid! A siren! We're written off as sexual predators! And just look at me! By
all outward appearance, I could be written off as nothing more than that!"
Meanwhile, Monica is blushing: "You want me to what? I don't even have a
handle on my own insecurities! I'm no one special! What do I know? I couldn't
even keep my own boyfriend! He thought I was dangerous and unstable! Don't
make me #### up some poor kid's life! I'll just be some nutty old lady to her!"
This throws Nudge and Tsillah (who were talking to her) for a moment. "Yyour boyfriend? He, he left you?! KEVIN left you?!" Nudge can't believe it
either: "Why did Kevin leave you? That's not fair!" Monica realizes she misspoke: "What? Kevin? No, no, not Kevin! Jason Goodnow! I was 16 years old.
He asked me about the scar on my leg from when I stabbed myself with a
pencil, and I showed him the cutting scars. He freaked out, and called me a
psycho!" Just then Kevin appears, bags in hand: "Hey, Magellan, you need to
work on your poiting of passengers. I ended up in the women's rest room!"
Tsillah clarifies things – not the 16-year-old M helping a 15-year-old. "We
need a very competent and experienced Monica to help a young girl who needs
you. A girl who looks up to you." Monica's a bit flustered about this – probably
over her recent experiences: "I'm still a screw up! I'm still learning! She needs
someone who has things all sorted! You've got the wrong person!" Before she
can say anything more – CASTELA HUG! "Aunt MONICA! You came too!
Oh, this day is just wonderful! I'm so happy you're part of our family!" Monica
256.
gets down to her level and talks to her: "Did you get bigger since the last time I
saw you? What grade are you going into? Are you in high school?" Castela's all
giggly from the attention: "I'm going into kindirt garden! I'm gettin' clothes for
the winter, an stayin' warm, an'- an'- an'- an' I'm…" Bud brings Atsali onto the
scene: "Castela was worried about you, so we kept her calm and, oh, look at
that! There's the aunt you haven't met yet. Castela just loves Monica. She's
nerdy, sweet, down-to-earth, loyal, socially awkward. And, oh yeah, she's the
Jaguar Girl." (Thanksgiving week guest strips by Bill Holbrook, Leigh Lahav,
and Andrea Torrejon)]
Supernatural High School (2013-12-02) [Monica turns and assumes that this is
Atsali with Bud; Castela starts to gush: "That's my sister! Aunt Monica, that's
my awesome sister! Her name is Atsali! (Oh, hi. You-you know my name? Oh,
wait, you work with my mom. She has…) Atsali is like an action hero! She
helped mama find some lost stuff that's been lost for a long time, and she can
help me cook brownies. And she watches scary movies with me too! She's my
snuggle buddy! She's a great snuggler! Her boobies are big n' soft for
snuggling!" (The blush of recognition becomes a blush of embarrassment!
"Atsali, I've heard a lot about you, all good! Kath brags about how smart you
are. You're really blossoming into a formidable woman!" (She really
blossomed last night!...) "Ah, you can stop talking now, Pickle! Have Aunt
Acacia by you some ice cream!" Castela has no problem with this! Monica sees
the issue: "Uh, you-uh, blossomed overnight? Like, uh, needing-a-bra-bymorning blossoming? Did Kath talk to you about bra shopping? Any advice?"
That's when Atsali reveals her chest-binding that morning. "I've never had to
shop for bras before! What do I look for?" Heh heh… "Come with me and
learn, young grasshopper!" Monica goes on a "how to shop for a bra" lesson –
the band sizes, the cup sizes. (Beatrix the Bra Caterpillar?) 34 for the band
size… but the first pair she tried on is DEFINITELY not her size. "Quadboobs" are not good. A 34L seems to fit! "Only go up a band size if it's too
tight, never because the cups aren't big enough." She thinks they look huge –
but Monica points out they always look huge when you're looking down at
them. She reminds them about the shoulder blades, not in-between… but
Atsali's still got self-image issues. "I look ridiculous! I never wanted this!
Everyone is going to make fun of me, call me names, tell me that I'm stupid!"
Monica turns on the Jaguar Girl charm: "Sweetie, listen to me very closely.
You are beautiful, not by how you look, but by who you are. You're grounded
and smart! You just keep being you. And if things get too rough, just
remember, you have an aunt who can flatten a school." The bear twins were
waiting for Atsali – and Atsali's got her defenses up: she must be some kind of
joke to them – big boobs and all. "The bigger they are, the dumber we must be,
right? (Atsali…) And I'm a siren, so that must make me a slut too, right?"
Berdine cuts her off: "Atsali! We made fun of those girls because they were
snobs, not because they had big boobs! We were worried that you wrapped
your knockers so tight to hide them!" Nadette adds: "You're cute, and breathing
is good!" Atsali's made two new friends! And she finds out that they don't
really "wear" clothes (though there was this one time that Nadette turned
herself into a hat…) They get ideas for clothing from shopping. (You don't
actually wear any clothes?) "Nah. We get warm. Underwear rides up. Plus, we
have tails." They help out Atsali with a few dresses – and Berdine asks about
the "dress code" at school. The rules vary – K through 2nd "practice" human,
but 3rd and above are expected to keep human for the school day, but the
higher the grade, the more they expect you to…" Atsali turns to look at the
girls – who've turned into, well… freckle-faced dorks! "Too dorky?" Atsali
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sees the problem: "You guys! You look like me! You look like me with
different lengths of hair and no boobs! Tell me that you're not saying that we
should look like triplets, with me being the one sat on by the boob fairy!" They
apologize, and switch to a slightly different look – one where they're both
brunettes – Nadette with the shorter hair, and Berdine with slightly-longer hair.
"We'll stick with this look so you can find us at school, okay?" Atsali blushes –
they look awesome! She's going to have to be the booby one of their group.
Nadette raises her hand: "Hold on, I'll give myself some pert little ones that
bounce around in a push-up bra, cool?" The three of them walk off, arms in
arm – and Atsali is wondering if her fear was more than it should have been?
Nadette: "Our great-grandmother loved passing on her Cherokee wisdom to us.
She'd say, 'Don't let your yesterday use up too much of your today'." The next
day at school, Atsali's thinking things are going pretty good so far – and for the
most part, she's been ignored. "Today is the start of the 2nd quarter of PE. I
should check and see if I have golf, or bowling, or whatever." She looks at the
clipboard – and is HORRIFIED! "But-but, Mrs. Adler! I-I-I already know how
to swim! Let me take, uh, shuffleboard!" "Get your rear out here, Gilchrist! No
need to be shy, you have same suit as the other girls!" "But it's not quite
containing me in the same way as the other girls!" She's in the water – and
naturally floating… Mrs. Adler calls her out: "Gilchrist, quit hugging yourself
and start treading water! This isn't just swimming, this class is about us looking
human when we're in the water!" (I-I am treading water. I'm naturally buoyant.
It's no problem.) "ARMS OUT! You need to look human, not like a siren or a
mermaid!" Ooh geeze! My boobs are floating! One of two other girls (Gotlieb)
makes a catty remark: "Nice floatation devices! I hear sirens' tits get bigger the
more guys they sleep with!" Someone heard that: "And I've heard that a
mermaid can suck a golf ball through a garden hose! But I don't spread such
nonsense! Watch your mouth, Gotlieb! Okay, tadpoles, everyone do a lap,
thanks to Miss Gotlieb, to get the surly out of everyone, then back to treading
water! NOW!!!" That wasn't what she was expecting… and she's having
swimming issues. Not that she can't swim, of course, but that she can't keep
doing it with human legs! "I'm getting a cramp! Ugh! I can't keep
concentrating!" "Push through it, Gotlieb! You can do it!" UUHNG!
CRRRITCH! She's un-morphed! Her dark-haired friend (Krystle) turns to her
in the water: "Jessie! What happened?! You okay?!" GAAH! "My suit!" "You
ripped your swimsuit? Run to the locker room and grab a new one?" "Krystle, I
can't! I have my tail! I can't crawl all the way back to the locker room!" "Just
change back into human legs and go get a new suit!" "Are you trying to be
stupid? There are boys diving over there! The bottom of my suit is gone! DO
THE MATH!" Mrs. Adler is asking what's going on… and as she's explaining
that she ripped her suit, Atsali comes up to her: "Here, Jessie, I grabbed a pair
of swimming trunks from the clean laundry cart. They're for boys but they'll
work." Jessie and Krystle are flabbergasted! "Oh, ladies, you're breaking my
here! We just had an after school special moment! Get yourself covered and get
back to work!" Later, in the locker room, as she's getting dressed: "HEY,
JUGS! NERD!" Atsali steels herself for what's coming. "HEY, I'M TALKING
TO YOU! Yeah, that stunt that you pulled out in the pool! (Off screen, Krystle
calls to her: "Jessie! C'mon! We're going to be late!") Krystle! Keep yer tail in
a bag! I'll be there in a minute! (back to Atsali) Yeah, so… Earlier. What you
did out there… Um… Thanks."
Show an' Scare (2013-12-23) [Meanwhile, over in the kindergarten classroom,
Castela is taking part in "show and tell": introducing her Aunt Monica! (POIT!)
"But, you know her better as… the Jaguar Girl! (Monica's there with her hair
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all done up.) Aand, the demon shepherd! Don't let her demons get you!" Her
five classmates all yell, "AAAUUUGH!!" (A two-panel segue to Christmas at
the Gilchrist household: Castela asleep, waiting up for Santa; and – the next
day: "I got my Snuggle for Christmas!" A stuffed spider!) Back at school,
Monica panics a bit: "Wait! What? No! I'm not going to hurt anyone! Castela,
you didn't say anything about bringing me here to frighten your classmates!"
"It's okay, Aunt Monica! We all bring in things and family members to try and
scare each other for fun!" The kids are all smiles: "That was fun! I really like
the fire!" A girl – whose face looks a lot like one of Tina's demons – tells her,
"You're very frightening but you're so pretty! I like your boots!" Castela's
teacher (a lagomorph – half-human, half-rabbit) is impressed: "I couldn't
believe it when Castela said that she knew you. Welcome to our classroom! I'm
a big fan. It's nice to know that there are true academics in the paranormal
realm that the children are excited to look up to." Monica's not so sure she's a
good role model. "Unfortunately, it's not up to those who are looked up to, to
choose whether or not other look up to them. You're a celebrity." Monica's a bit
unsure: "Maybe the secret is to not do things that would disappoint five year
olds?"]
Naïve and Dangerous (2014-01-01) ["Amanda, am I naïve and a pushover?"
Oh, no, not this again… (And on New Year's, too!) "Dude, you're the most
dangerous and feral person I know next to Shelly!" "But that's what I'm talking
about. Am I naïve to think that I can be part of society?" She "scared a few
kids, who wanted to be scared by you. They knew that you weren't going hurt
them! It was fun for them. You're like a rollercoaster!" Not exactly a
compliment… "You had dangerous written all over you before you could
flatten the earth! You're all Latina Salsa, with boobs the size of my head an'
stuff!" (We're not talking about me anymore, are we?) Big boobs and
dangerous! That trips a trigger with M – especially after dealing with Atsali:
"Having big boobs didn't make me dangerous! I can't help how others act
around me! If I had the power to zap you with big boobs, I'd do it just to teach
you a lesson!" She accuses Amanda of wanting to use "big boobs for EVIL!"
Drunk logic: You just proved you're not a pushover – but you are naïve! "I
wouldn't want to wield those watermelons, not even with a $200 bra!"]
Dancing Fool (2014-01-03) [Atsali is dancing with herself to AC/DC – and a
certain little sister is wielding her smartphone… this won't end well, will it?
Suddenly, Atsali realizes Castela's got her phone! "Did you take my picture?"
"No! I'm videoing you. Your phone takes videos. I liked how you were
dancing!" WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE MY PHONE IN THE FIRST
PLACE? Her friend Daylla was telling me 'bout… AAUGH! The chase is on:
"GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE, YOU LITTLE TREE STUMP!" "Mama saidsaid 'no running in the house'! We shouldn't be running! We might break
something!" "JUST YOUR NOSE IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME BACK MY
PHONE!" Atsali realizes another reason why she shouldn't be running (see
"Monica Bounce!") She dives for Castela:
"Ijusthoughtyoulookegooddancingandwantedtokeepitcauseitmademesmile!"
SMOOSH! Incoming boobs on her Samsung's screen! That knocked Castela
for a loop – but it's gone! "You made me lose it! Wait! I heard the low battery
chirp!" Atsali thinks she's stalling… but she justifies it: "Mom says that-that I
can use your phone for games 'n stuff when you aren't! You, weren't using the
phone!" She heard the chirp again – it's in her shirt! Castela's not shy – she just
climbs right up inside her shirt ! "There's cracker crumbs in here! (she waves it
out the "other end" of Atsali's cleavage: "Got it! The battery is dying!" We next
see Atsali holding Castela upside down by the foot: "Hey, sis, lookit this! I-I
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found the phone! And the TV remote! I thought I saw one of my socks too!"
And when Kath sees it, she tries very hard to suppress a laugh – much to
Atsali's horror: "MOOOOOM! This isn't funny! Castela was getting up in my
space! And-and she could've sent that to FACEBOOK! My life would END!"
They don't teach you this in paranormal parenting class, but… snerk "Oh,
sweetie! We'll delete this. The world just isn't ready for how awesomely
innocent you are!"]
Demon Dreams and Nightmares (2014-01-13) [Tina is standing in her
apartment – wings spread – but she doesn't remember standing there last night.
(She's also sporting a new hairdo.) "I feel so… something. Groggy? Me too!
And me! None of us remember… Wait, does anyone feel odd? I was going to,
um, mention… visions. Did you see something too? But they don't make sense.
I'm worried. They were like things that happened yesterday, but they happened
somewhere else, and I wasn't always me…" Then, she "turns on" her eyes to a
surprise: they have all-too-familiar symbols in them… Glyph symbols. Of a
certain Titan. "Why can't I see? The room is burning me! I can't make sense of
this!" A voice: "It's sunshine! The sun is shining brightly today." WHO IS
THAT? "The sun is a star, they don't give off light! That's an expression!" The
reply: "Oh, sweetie! Believe your eyes." (The voice is familiar. What's
happening? Why am I seeing this nonsense? It's confusing me!) "Seeing light is
so foreign for you. Don't try to make sense of it. Let yourselves feel. (The
"source" is that of our Titan: Bia.) Just feel the light. Let yourselves breathe.
Wake up, sweetie. You freed yourselves from the quantum realm. Now get to
work!" There's the sudden absence, and then the demons all wake up at once!
And out of Tina's mouth comes Tentacle with a HORK! "OMG! What the
HELL was that?" One of the other demons screams, "Dudette, where are you
going?" "Screw you gals! I'm gonna go hide in the bathtub!" That HURTS
when she does that! Tina calls out after finally getting dressed: "Come on, you
three! We're ready to go! I need to meet Becky with the morning delivery of
yummy stuff!" Two skulls reply: She won't come out of the bath tub! (Are you
kidding? Grab her and let's get going!) Tentacle replies: "Oh, pu-lease! Let us
not resort to brute force! We are, after all, dignified!" (But you know how to
run the cash register!) Tina's somehow managed to make it to the shop, but
she's…not herself. "Oh, Sunshine, am I glad to see you! You come almost
every day, but that's beside the point! I think I'm gonna need your help!" She
tries to take their orders.. but she has NFC for your "avian friend." Monica
(who appears to have switched hairstyles, while Atsali's rocking a HEAVY
METAL t-shirt) introduces her as a fifteen-year old, so "xnay on the xfay
ordway. She was adopted by my close friend Kath, creepy-beautiful babe with
black eyes. Yeah, so, uh coffee for both of us. Are you free after you close?"
YES!! Monica notices Tina's a bit off. Tina's not quite sure, but she says she
"suffered from 'sleep'!" Atsali's confused: "Who suffers from sleeping?"
Monica gives the TL; DR version: "Tina is a covey of demons that are
articulating an expired human body. Demons are ancient beings that don't
sleep." She not only was sleeping, she was having these "visions. And I had
myself believing stars give off light! How silly is that?" Atsali realizes what
Monica said: "Like a CORPSE? Are you SERIOUS? That's HORRIBLE!"
They discuss this – right in front of Tina! "A zombie, then!" "She's a living
being who can feel!" "You said it's a dead body! A puppet!" "Tina is not a
puppet! She's not a corpse!" "Hey, where did it go?" Monica starts using "bad
words" in front of Atsali – "Uh! You said the 'F' word!" SHUT THE #### UP!!
"Now I have the creeps even worse!" Monica can't believe it – "You don't
know when the hell to shut up, do you?" This goes into a rant about iPads and
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texting, and yet "you can't pick up on subtle social clues, and you think the
whole damn world revolves around YOU! Tell me you're not so stupid to know
when you've hurt someone's ####### ####ing FEELINGS!" She turns: "ARE
YOU EVEN PAYING ATTENTION TO ME?" She isn't – she's crying! She
didn't mean to make Monica mad! "I was being a rude ding-bat, wasn't I? I was
scared and nervous and I've never seen an expired-non-dead-upright-andwalking-thing-person something up and doing stuff that wasn't in a zombie ina
movie!" She asks not to be mad – and a soft voice from behind the counter
pipes up: "Don't be angry with her, Mon. Something IS going on with us. With
me. I don't know what is happening. I may be affecting your thoughts and
emotions." "What? What are you talking about?" And that is when Tentacle
appears: "Well then! Here I am! I've decided that I'm fit enough to face the
day!" Both Atsali and Tentacle SCREAM! She grabs Monica – who suddenly
realizes Atsali's pretty strong… "WHAT IS THAT? WHERE DID THAT
COME FROM? GET AWAY FROM US! I-I-I heard about nasty monsters like
that! Don't turn your back on it! Get back!" Tentacle perks up: "I. Beg! Your!
Pardon! (Tentacle's got FEET!) I'll have you know that I'm a lady! And I
behave as such! How dare you insinuate that…" Enter Bud: "Hey, who ordered
calamari?" Tentacle's not amused. Bud helps Tentacle get "back where she
belongs" – and a walk-on invite to the University of Minnesota soccer team!
We end with a picture of Atsali getting her air guitar down with Castela – and
mom looking on in love! Oh, and two Atsali AC/DC pinups to boot…]
Bikini Weather (2014-02-03) [Tina's back to full strength – and she accurately
predicts Astali's need for not just a "vanilla latte made with whole milk and
whipped cream, sprinkled with nutmeg" but also "a cinnamon roll. Your
tummy will growl in a minute." And as a dumbfounded Atsali looks at her…
"Gimme two cinnamon rolls!" Tina explains: "I can see dark matter. The auras
that living things give off, and all eleven dimensions, so that gives me all the
info that I need." Atsali's impressed! Monica asks if Tina's up for a "vacation to
Café U296 later today? I promise bikini weather." "Yes, please." Later, on the
beach, Monica's reveling in the warm wind through her hair – and she can
understand why Jin's visits to the sunrise and her "external calmness." She asks
if Tina's feeling better? "Do you know that you actually make me nervous now,
Sunshine? You frighten me." Monica brushes this off – Tina's her Sage! "Now,
tell me what had you all in a frazzle earlier this morning? And do not go all
cryptic on me. Just talk to me." Odd visions. Everything almost like a negative
of how she normally "sees" things. "Then there was this familiar voice…"
"Voices are important. Did you see who was talking? What did they look like?
What were they wearing? Anything to identify them?" "She was tall, kinda
looked like Shelly, Minoan style of…" Monica can name that Titan in three
notes: Bia. "You may have been dreaming earlier, but she visited you. She was
there. Something's up." Tina's frozen up. Monica tries to assure her "I'm still
the same dork you've always known." But she senses something… VORP!
Phix in a polka-dot bikini! "Ladies! My granddaughter will be with us shortly.
We were having a steak dinner. She's still washing some of the blood off her
body. What's on our evening agenda?" Monica is somewhat smug: "You have
more friends than you think you have. And we're all indebted to you. You have
nothing to worry about." Next to arrive: Shelly! Did she miss anything?
Monica fills her in: "We're all just letting Tina know how important she is and
what an amazing entity she has become." Phix goes over to her: "Sweetie, you
have nothing to fear. You have some of the most powerful beings on your side.
And I'll admit, you've been a student of mine." And then: EURYALE HUGS!
(Including a smooch from one of her snake locks!) And THAT'S when Nudge
shows up with a kegger! Tina's feeling like things are getting a bit out of
control: "But none of you are listening to me! I feel so different, and I was
having these visions! It was frightening!" "Sweetie, you all are easily trillions
of years old. Undoubtedly the oldest ones here. And you've done something
only one other of your kind has done. You evolved. Have a drink!" Bud
apparently has already started drinking… and she's mutilating the lyrics to
"Safety Dance." Tina is in full pout mode, even as Bud continues to dance
alongside her: "I don't like being on the receiving end of riddles, or being
patted on the head for 'my own good.' What did Phix mean by saying that I've
been a student of hers? You don't keep a student in the dark! (She drive me
crazay!) If she knows something, why doesn't she just tell me? (Schee drives
May crazy! And dogs find thangs by smells!) And who is this 'Bia' that Monica
was so flippant about? Why was her voice so familiar to me?... I don't
remember ever interacting with anyone even named Bia. (she ponders this as
grey text comes out) 'I don't remember…' My memory,… my memory had a
restart. I was alive before I can remember." Suddenly: BRAP! Bud comes to
stone cold sober: "Wait! What?! What did you say? What did you just say?" "I
– I was, uh, having visions. Monica said…" Bud leans over Tina intently:
"Who did you say that you saw?" (Bia?) SON-UV-A… THOOOM! Some
grawlix from Bud is suddenly followed by some from Monica – when both
realize that Acacia pounded a big hole in the sand! Shelly goes over to them
both: "No drama zone, remember? Bud, you're a happy drunk, M's the
melodramatic one. What was all of that about?!" Both girls are embarrassed,
but Bud stammers out: "You see, Tina mentioned a vision, and Monica told
Tina it was Bia…" "My Mom? Geezus, what did that sociopathic bitch do
now? You should talk with Phix and Nudge about this." "Yeah maybe I
better… Your WHAT?" This is news to Bud: "Your mom, the one who died,
was Bia? I thought your mom was a Kachina. Immortal, but can still die. That
means that your mom is still alive! You know that your mom is still alive!"
Shelly's unconcerned: "Yeah, I got over it. She's not very forthcoming about
lots of things. But, she had a hand in making me who I am today. I'm closer
with my indigenous and Sphinx side of the family, tho'." "You found more of
your sphinx relatives? Where? Who? How many? "Just Phix, so far. She's my
grandmother." SPROING! TILT! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Tina's a bit concerned (as
she's shed her t-shirt): "I thought we were going to be talking about me." And
suddenly, someone appears behind Tina (who isn't quite as tall as her): "Oooh
man. I've really messed everything up, haven't I? My daddy told me, but I
didn't listen. He told me I had a better grasp on things as a child. I said he didn't
know what he was talking about. He turned me back into a child until I learn
my lesson. By the way, I visited you this morning. I'm Bia." Tina's trying to
avoid looking at her: "I don't think that you've picked a very amiable place to
appear." "Yeah, heh, about that. My dad sent me here. I can only leave a
location after receiving permission from a perceived adult. Like being excused
from the dinner table. Oh my gosh, they all really hate me don't they? I'm your
great grandmother, by the way. On your father's side." Monica and Bud spot
Bia – and Bud realizes she's the one who she's seen in her nightmares! Tina
intervenes before Bud can do anything – but that doesn't stop Connie from
coming in and giving her a right hook! And a left UPPERCUT! Monica asks
Shel if she's going to "rein in" her elemental; "You're funny. I'm not gonna get
between her and her prey!" Monica tries Tina: "You're the demon shepherd,
why don't you stop them?... That's a Titan vs. an Elemental." (i.e., neither one
of them are demons.) Connie lays into Bia: "There are two others on this rock I
trust. Shelly, and Tina. Tina doesn't lie. She can see you've returned to an
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innocent state. DON'T #### THIS UP!" (WHAM!) And just as Connie tries to
goad others into "helping" Bia – drunken Gorgon hugs! And then Euryale goes
over to try to hug Bia – though she's in a bit of a hole at the moment.]
Life Strategies (2014-03-11) [Shelly tells Monica the news: she's been
"formally inducted in the League of Guardian and Apotropaic Sphinxes." There
was apparently one Apo that doubted her. "I shared her with my g'ma." (Let
that sink in…) She's taken Jin's "old job" in the MIB. She does realize that
Monica needs someone other than her, though – Jin. POIT!
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Meanwhile, Shelly
takes care of the drunken hugging Gorgon, Sphinx style. Monica and Jin get up
to date – and just as she mentions "no more creepy little mummy girl", up
comes a beat-up Bia! "THEHELLISTHAT?!!" Bia explains: "I was living in
the outskirts of Lanthis the night of the Chimera. I know that you tried to stop
it. I know that none of you three were at fault. I'm sorry for any nightmares my
rage may have caused you." Jin is having trouble getting back into the loop:
Shelly's "elemental", Phix is her grandmother, Bia is her mother? And
suddenly… Atsali and Castela! And Atsali calls her "Aunt Jin"… huh? Atsali
gives her the rundown on her little "adventure" with Katherine. Brandi and a
Nu Gui? "Active role in MIB's guardianship of Underage Paranormals."
Mentor programs, pairing them up with role models and heroes… like Monica.
And Jin. "Kid, I'm not anyone's, especially your hero! I've murdered kids more
innocent than you. I've tortured people to get information, and I've tossed
people aside as a means to an end. Don't be so naïve and get your facts
straight." Atsali doesn't buy that: "Aunt Acacia… said that you would do or say
something to push me away from you if I tried to get close to you." Atsali tells
her about "the consciousness of the entire lost Lanthian civilization, having
gone insane in limbo, pass through my mind. I don't have anyone I can really
talk to about that experience. And it was my action that finally killed them. I
try to tell myself that I saved them, and finally gave them peace. That said, I'd
still love and be honored to have you as a mentor. I'll give you time to think
about it more." Jin, meanwhile, is speechless. She goes over to an inebriated
Bud – to whom she reconnects. Bud gives her words of wisdom: "None of any
of this was your fault. It wasn't even your mom's fault. Look at all those dorks
over there. That's your family. It always has been. Not because you're related,
but because they care. You shouldn't run or hide from those who care about
you." And that's when Castela wants to talk to Aunt Jin! Atsali, meanwhile,
meets up with Euryale – who asks her about her school "issues". "You best be
leavin' those critters alone til yer brains catch up to yer curves!" Atsali's worry
is – well, herself. Her looks don't help, and she nearly made an enemy "a few
weeks ago" (oh, comic strip time!). But "due to one quick thinking moment on
my part, she stays out of my way, and others leave me alone. But I wouldn't
call her a friend." Euryale sees that for something else: "Whut you got there is
an ally. You done skipped right over the 'friend' part, and went right to the
realm of respect." (Interlude: Support Grayson!) An ally? No bullying, no
harassment, no attacks, behavior or anything? (Uh, no.) "She's got yer back,
girl!" (Glam Runner!) Meanwhile, elsewhere on the island, Castela is trying to
talk to Phix… "Good gracious! We're going to need to hire you your own
editor. (Why?) Because it took you nearly 5 minutes to tell me that you go
from kindergarten to first grade." Tina finally meets up with Castela – and she
compares "eyes" (Tina's silver swirls for Castela's eyestalks). People don't
always listen to what Castela tells them – and Tina knows the feeling. "You're
making this too difficult. Adults have trouble listening. You need to speak
softer to make them listen better." Tina's surprised: "How old are you? How
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did you come up with an idea like that?" "I'm only 5 years old. I've just had to
pick up a few more life strategies than most little kids." Castela tells Tina she
was "thrown away." The kids at the orphanage "they, they tried to tell me that,
they told me that I was thrown away cuz – cuz I killed sum-one. Those – those
kids were lying. Cuz they wanted to be mean to me!" (And her horns emerge!)
(A brief family picture of Euryale, Medusa and Stheno) Tina pulls Castela back
from becoming "hard" by telling her about marshmallows. Unfortunately, she
now thinks "Marshmallows are like veg-ta-buls!" Kath finally arrives on the
scene – that Library Transportation System (aka "Vorp!") takes some getting
used to. Unfortunately, she has only carrot sticks for Castela. And then comes a
"gooey donut" comment from off-screen... So there's only one person left she
can go to – Gra-ma Lily! "Tha- thas bull$#!+!" Gra-ma Lily's response? "Hey!
Watch yer damn mouth, got it? You're a smart kid. Don't make yerself sound
stupid by swearing. Adults are kids who wished they ate healthier when they
were kids. Eat this bagel and call it even." Suzie tries to call Lily on her
surliness – and her "green-ness". She threw up three times before coming there.
Suzie points out the obvious: "Your daughter is a mortal hero, looked up to by
powerful paranormals. They know we're good." Lily reminds her of what
happened between Phix and Monica. "Even my own adopted grandcritter has
an air omnipotence." And that "omnipotence"? Running with SCISSORS! She
trips… and SHONK! That sobers up Bud in an instant – while Atsali just looks
at Kath with an embarrassed look. Kath just sighs: "Worst. Mom. Ever." Bud
can't even scream as she turns Castela over… "Castela! Stop scaring your Aunt
Acacia!" An eyestalk appears: "We – we were playin!" She pulls the scissors
out and runs off: "I'm the king of England! It's Ex-caliber!" It's very simple:
she's like a tumbleweed – and a bundle of yarn. She "crochets her branches into
the form that looks like when she's a girl? I mean, she is a girl, but so she looks
more like a human." Yep. A bundle of branches. And an Atsali hug: "You're
the best, Aunt Acacia. You just see us as the kids we are. No matter how we
look, you see past that and love us as the children we truly are." Meanwhile,
Bud's having Marshmallow Hell issues.]
Coming of Age (2014-04-21) [The Family Gilchrist vorps back home – and
Atsali realizes she wasn't her "true size" (taller than Katherine) since before
their "first adventure together." She also suddenly realizes – she hasn't flown
since then. She "re-humans" herself – though she can't do much about those
knockers of hers. Kath did find her some new PJ tops – and though it looks
okay, when she puts it on – too short at the tummy. Meanwhile, Castela tries to
be funny by putting the scissors in her head – "Lookit me! I'm a teletubby!"
Atsali engages in full-on whining (and a comment about "Aunt Monica's 8 Ball
Shirt"), but Kath giggles a bit. "This is serious!" Kath consoles her – and points
out she's laughing at Castela. "Mama, look! I – I- I'm the – the, I'm the water
pump at the petting zoo!" Atsali is tiring of Castela's jokes – and angry because
she "can't get a simple PJ top without being reminded that I look like a freak!
And I have a sister who only cares about herself!" Castela gets her thorns on:
"You – you're just being mean be – because you're nervous about the cute boy
at school an' if he likes you or not! You wrote about it in your stupid diary!"
Kath is about to scold Castela about going into her sister's things… when she
sees Atsali's look. "Uh, oh dear… Atsali, sweetie. Stay calm." Wrong answer.
FULL SIREN ATTACK MODE! The thorns unravel as they prepare to
battle… "ATSALI SIRENA! CASTEL ENORA! BE STILL!" Sudden stop –
SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED! Angry Mama Katherine: "Bathroom.
Brush your teeth. Get in bed. Lights out. You will be quiet until morning.
I'll talk with you then." "Yes, mom." "Yes, mama." Atsali lays in bed,
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contemplating what happened… why'd she get that upset? She doesn't love the
boy. "I mean, he's kinda cute. I really like his hair…" and her thoughts go on
and on and "touching his back… and grabbing his tiny, tight butt…"
SPROING! Wingboner! Atsali's very, very confused… and she starts
wondering about why she lashed out at Castela (who's sleeping quite well in
her clay pot, thanks). She tries to go back to sleep… and is awakened very
suddenly by the female version of a nocturnal emission.
"HOOOOOOOUUUUGH MY GOSH!" That noise brings Kath to wide-awake
status! Atsali is hiding under the covers, and saying "Just leave me alone!"
Castela asks why it smells funny in here? "I SAID, 'LEAVE ME ALONE'!
GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" And her markings have reappeared! "HEY!
What the frack did I do?" Kath tells Castela to just go down and get some cake
down in the kitchen. "CHOCOLATE CAKE!" As Atsali starts crying as she
hugs her pillow, she sobs about wanting chocolate cake too! Kath is pretty sure
she knows what's going on, though.]
Moving Interlude (2014-05-06) [A month and a half of moving from the TC to
Iowa… Finally, a week of guest strips: Claire Wendling; a two-strip feature by
Sabrina Pandora and Koen Luyten of Giant Girl Adventures, and two more
from Jennie Breeden of The Devil's Panties]
The Princess of Gryphon High (2014-06-23) [Atsali is late for class – but she
runs into a fight going on in the hallway! Even as she's asking for someone to
stop the big guy from hurting "that tiny…" KRACK! Five wincing onlookers.
"NO ONE calls me 'JIMINY'! MY NAME'S CALISTA! GOT IT?" The girl –
who looks all of five inches tall – has knocked out the big kid! The bell rings –
but while everyone books to classes, Atsali can't help but stare – "What're you
lookin' at?!" "How in the world did you even do that?!" Arm crossing time:
"Are you stupid or sumptin'?" Atsali matches her: "Oh! I see! You floored him
with your rapier wit and charm!" After a mutual staredown: "I like you. You're
not as much of a ding-bat as you…" (SCUSE ME?) Makeup, pouty lips, giant
knockers… WAAAM! "See? I knew that I liked you!" Introductions: her
name's Calista, but she can call her "Cricket". She'll just call her "Jugs." And
with a BEARNG! – she's gone! Atsali's left with a lot of questions. The two
Ursa girls were sent out by their teacher to look for her. "You're normally the
first one in the room, and we heard that there was a fight in the hallway."
Something about a new kid in school – "She's fae. They're, like, only slightly
less dangerous than elementals. They can be very dangerous. And she's, like a
princess too. Royalty and all!" Nadette notices Atsali's blushing – but doesn't
say anything. Lunchtime – and a full-size Calista joins a somewhat nervous
Atsali for lunch. "Doing the human Glamor crap. I mastahed dis #### when I
was five!" Then, she pulls out her lunch: "Fried spiders! Comfort food rocks!"
That's when the twins show up – and they were worried about Atsali again.
"We thought maybe you got jumped by that…" "JUMPED?! You got someone
aftah you?! I'll give 'em a talkin' to they'll nevah fuget!" Atsali gives the "cut it
out" sign to the girls… and introduces them to "Princess Calista Foxglove.
She's new here at Gryphon High." Calista, for her part, is thrilled to meet them:
"Friends of Jugs? Drop da princess crap an' call me Cricket!" The girls are a bit
unsure about the new girl… they just met Atsali recently (okay, not real time,
but still), and transferred in – "Me too! I was kicked outtah my last school. It
was infested wit does country club spawn. All of dem actin' like der #### don't
stink! Please! Glad to leave dem behind!" Or maybe not… Dad moved to the
Midwest to give her a break… Atsali tries to smooth some things over, but
Calista wants to know more about the girls. And that's when Nadette – the
silent one – speaks up for the first time: "You don't have any friends. I don't
know why, but they're all… (Berdine's turn to be scared: "Nadette! Shut up!")
They're gone. Just gone. I can't even see their faces. Or shadows. You wear
your heart on your sleeve, but people treat you poorly. You lash out so you
don't get hurt first. You're so lonely. You need us." (Brief Castela 4th of July
interlude) Berdine is apologetic, but the result is a bawling fae! ("But… I
thought I was your friend!") Nadette consoles Calista – who is forthcoming:
she was kept sheltered in a Brooklyn high rise – no one but family and guards.
She made "gossamers" ("ghost people") to be friends, and when she went off to
school – and no one wanted to befriend her – she brought them with. "Until the
snob cheerleader figured it out an' snitched on me. I was humiliated!" And how
did she get kicked out of school? It involved locking the cheerleader and her
crew in the towel room, and during a pep rally she made gossamer versions of
them... do rather nasty things to each other in front of the entire school. (And
now Atsali is going to have to Google "Fisting" when she gets home…)
Berdine points out the obvious sociopathic tendencies of an act like that.
Cricket hides her face: "I KNOW! I'm fae! We are ####ed up! I don't want to
be ####ed up! I don't want to be locked in a suite, or Tartarus. My only other
choice was to be under the guidance of the Jaguar Girl!" (Did somebody say…
Jaguar Girl?) She doesn't want to, but "I lash out at people! I feel like I don't
matter tah anyone." She felt brushed aside – parents, servants, staff, school –
who threatened her with "the Jaguar Girl. I thought they were jus' tryin' to scare
me… I jus' feel like I'm being ####ed around! I don't even know what I'm doin'
here!" (in Minneapolis, of course). A sotto voce: "Cricket, look behind you."
And there, in her Jaguar Girl glory, is… Monica. Cricket has shrunk as a
familiar figure crawls toward her: "A FAE?! A waste of my time! Self-centered
race, lacking any moral compass! Nothing more than psychotic con artists who
should be wiped from the face of the earth!" Cricket is pleading with her, but
Angry Jaguar Girl is ANGRY: "I should CRUSH YOU like a WORTHLESS
INSECT!" "WAIT! I want you to help me! I want to learn! I couldn't bring
myself to physically harm other and I know what I did was wrong! Please don't
kill meee! NOOO!!" SLAAM! The hand of astral fire comes down HARD…
And snatches her up for a face-to-face: "Do I have your attention, young one?
(Yes, ma'am!) I don't like you, but I've been hired to acclimate you into the
general human and paranormal population. But I highly doubt you'll make it.
You are fae, after all. Furthermore, I can see through your BS. Any attempt to
try and trick me will be dealt with very severely. You will have a regular
schedule with me, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday." What Cricket
doesn’t know is how Monica found out about this assignment: "Saturday too?!!
What the hell? Why am I now a wrangler of juvenile delinquents?! And she's
FAE?!" Phix: "Because you and she have a lot in common. You're one of the
few being stronger than she, who will give a $#!+! Imagine you're me talking
to vampires!" Monica's not buying that; "I never once wanted any of this! I
actively avoided it! I was secretly groomed and molded by others with their
own agendas. I never really had a chance to be who I would've wanted to be."
Phix points out that those were the exact words Calista was saying to herself in
her bedroom mirror. Monica sees through the scheming – "I know someone
just like your ####ed up daughter, and they'll hit it off just great!" She doesn't
want that responsibility. "Yeah, you're right. Forget I said anything." This has
Monica even madder: "Reverse psychology is still in your damn repertoire? I'm
not the naïve twit I once was!" Phix doesn't disagree: "You're right. By no
means should you feel pressured into this. This is a very delicate task." And
just as she's about to write the whole thing off: "Bia thought you would screw it
up anyway, but…" Enter a clueless Titan from stage left: "Huh? I did what?
266.
(face buried in a book) Anyway, I found that book you sent me after. And
according to this family tree, it looks like you were right about…" Monica took
the bait: "You're one to SPEAK, Cupcake! I'm going to mentor that girl, and
stick by her side, no matter how hard it gets!" Confused Bia has NFC what just
happened. "I thought Monica liked me!" Phix tells her she did something good
– but Bia's all emo: "I can remember all the selfish things that I did, and yet I
find myself deeply embarrassed and humiliated with myself." Her "gift and
curse" of becoming "young" again has some benefits – though Bia sees it more
of a curse, because she can't repair all the hurt. Phix points out: "You stole my
son from me, and yet all I want to do is help you now. How ####ed up is
that?"]
What(sit) a Fae Fears (2014-07-21) [Back to the lunchroom – the Bear twins
are intimidated by the Jaguar Girl's presence – "She could shred you or make
you live your worst nightmare!" And she's coming this way! "Atsali, sweetie!
How have you been?" Atsali apparently visited with Lydia – and she "used the
ninjas on me." The girls are completely confused: Ninjas? Aunt M? Monica
asks how Atsali knows Calista – "I – I just met her this morning." M explains
Miss Foxglove's issues – and Atsali volunteers to "keep an eye on her for you. I
think she's good at heart. She doesn't seem like she wants to hurt anyone."
Monica knows about how faes work – they could hurt someone without even
wanting to, and her rebelliousness… "She's feeling rebellious because she
wants to feel same and relevant. She needs friends now! People don't act out if
they're loved and nurtured and… and, why are you smiling at me?" M just put
two and two together (this smells of Phix). She lays it down to Calista – "You
hurt her, I hurt you, got it?" She promises – "I won't ever hurt her!" And with a
KARACK! Monica makes her exit… Unfortunately, a little whatsit didn't get
to say hi to her Aunt Monica! "WAIT! STOP! I'M GDFVSYIGK!" Berdine
and Nadette try to wrap their heads around this "aunt" stuff (and Castela adds
the part about "Aunt Jin" being the "Timekeeper's Daughter.") The whole scene
with M had some other onlookers – namely, Jessie Gotlieb. Who is stunned.
Atsali is concerned for Cricket: "Cricket, can you hear me? Are you okay?
What happened?!" Castela is matter of fact: "I stepped on it!" Atsali notices the
change in tone: "What the… Why weren't you watching where you were
going? Tell Cricket that you're sorry. Tell Princess Calista that you're sorry."
Castela's eyestalks have disappeared. "NO! It's a fairy! Fairies are-are mean!
And-and they're STUPID! I'm not tellin' some mean, stupid fairy I'm sorry!
Cuz they're mean! And stupid!" Krystle is hiding behind Jessie, who whispers a
request to apologize. "Don't make her angry." "WHY?! (STOMP!) She can't
hurt me! (STOMP!) She's just a FAIRY! (STOMP!) SEE?! (STOMP!) JUST A
FAIRY!" Atsali grabs her sister: "Castela! What the Frak? What the heck are
you doing?" "They're evil insects! They-they made my parents get rid of me!
They followed me to the orphanage. I caught one, pulled off its wings and
popped its head off!" Atsali's not buying it: "Fae are too powerful to be harmed
like that! I don't remember that ever happening when we were at the
orphanage!" The Fae on the floor disagrees: "She-she's a daughter of a
blackthorn. Can't… can't you smell her? She's a… a daughter of the wood. Fae
can't harm her, and, … and she can kill fae." This stops Atsali dead in her
tracks – while Castela's still got her death stare on. But what stops Castela in
her tracks? "CASTEL ENORA GILCHRIST!" Oops: momma got a call
while she was at work. "I WILL NOT HAVE MY DAUGHTER ACTING
OUT LIKE AN ANIMAL! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!" (momma?)
Kath makes a few things certain: The Fae are NOT her enemy; she does NOT
know the whole story; she is NOT abandoned, as Kath promises "I will never
leave you. That said, we WILL have words about this and your behavior when
you get home." Atsali puts Castela down and checks on Calista: "I… I can't do
this! I'm not the Badass you think that I am! (You're a fae!) I mean yes, I am
powerful, but I'm not tough. I'm a DORK! I cry at commercials! I collect
plastic horses… I fell apart in the principal's office (after the cheerleader
incident). I couldn't stop crying!.. I decided to make myself look and sound
tough and I hoped everyone would just leave me alone… then all this
happened!" Castela is genuinely surprised that "it can cry?" "She's not an it!
Calista is just as much of a girl as you and I are." Nadette distracts Castela with
a little story: How the Fae Became Able To Cry. "Long ago, none of the fae
had souls. The fae would do things to other creatures that would be like living
nightmares. But the fae never saw this as bad. They didn't know right from
wrong. And being nearly indestructible themselves, they didn't understand the
idea of doing harm. Fae love to travel freely between the different realities and
seek out new and strange doorways (FORESHADOW?) One day they came
upon a dark and foreboding door protected by gnarled thorn bushes. They
hacked through the bushes, and opened the door. Everything changed for those
fae, as they had stumbled upon the chamber of Guf. (Guf is the Place of Souls
in Jewish folklore.) Anyway, that's the way the story goes. Who's to say that
the fae never had souls to begin with? And who's to say that the fae have souls
now? What you can take away from this is that powerful beings can be
corrupted by their own power and strength. But given the chance, or the right
circumstances, they can find and nurture their own humanity." Castela
suddenly realizes: "Did-did I kill a fae who could cry?" This is where Cricket
chirps in (sorry): The fae that found her in a lab were part of Cricket's kingdom
"secret service. They learned of humans who had found sentient blackthorn and
were experimenting with them. (Gee, who does THIS sound like?) That's when
the Royal Guard were ordered to get you out of there. Your discovery would be
dangerous to the paranormal community. Any fae who followed you to the
orphanage were not any of the King's guards, or any individual royally
sanctioned. They were an Unseelie clan. They were there to poison you and use
your parts for weapons against the Seelie clans. Any fae you killed damn well
deserved it!" As Castela is escorted back to class off screen, Atsali can't believe
what she just heard from Cricket – "Are the fae trying to poison my sister?"
Cricket admits to a white lie: "I just didn't want her worrying about killing one
of my father's guards." Now Atsali's confused – one of her guards? "Were they
trying to hurt her?" Cricket tries to keep Atsali on the QT: "They were there to
keep an eye on her. Protect her. Sure, she's dangerous to us. But she's still the
child of the Guardians of the Doorways and a daughter of the wood. It was just
a bit too late for us to realize she doesn't need any protection." Calista lets
Atsali in on a secret: "Your sister is more powerful than you could ever know.
And you're surrounded by powerful beings who love you. Your life is set.
You're already a princess and you just don't know it yet." What? She's just
trying to stay under the radar. Cricket smiles: "Your subjects are here to see
you." Enter Jessie and Krystle. Atsali thanks Jessie for "looking out for me like
you've been doing," but she just wanted to stay out of the way and all that. The
two girls are a bit overwhelmed by everything. Jessie tries to make an excuse
that she should have come to talk to them… and Krystle blurts the truth: "We
would've ignored you! You had us pegged pretty darn good. So, uh, yeah.
…you're welcome. I have made a point of telling people to leave you alone."
Unimpressed Cricket is unimpressed. "Wow. Honest Tuna Girls. Maybe this
place WILL be a step up from the last school." She's heard about the golf ball
through a garden hose thing (maybe those cheerleaders where mermaids?). Jess
267.
is aware of the stereotypes of mermaids. Berdine, however, has seen a bit more
than that: "You reek of privilege, social climbing, ####ing people over, and
looking down your nose at everyone! I left a school with a troop just like you
lot! You are just sucking up to Atsali because of who she knows!" Krystle
comes to the rescue: she's not like that! "Her mother is, but not Jessie! Hell, we
just wanted to survive high school and we thought playing off the stereotype
would work in our favor. We only hang out with each other outside of school.
Last night I dared Jessie to light her own fart!" This causes Jess to lock up –
and then Krystle pulls out her phone and shows it to Atsali! "I was making the
point FINE myself!" Berdine's still not buying it: "You benefit from being a
privileged bitch and treating others like $#!+!" "I'm the bitch willing to admit
when she's been outclassed. I don't need the stress of running this school
anymore. Atsali can have that now." Berdine sees through that – setting Atsali
up to fall. They slice and dice her, and then "everyone will come crawling back
to you." Nope: "It's not my call to say who's in charge. I didn't want it. The
school (the students – not the faculty) decides. I'm sure info is spreading
around the school like wildfire already." Speaking of "fire", Calista is laughing
uncontrollably at the video of Jessie's "incident" while standing on Krystle's
shoulder! Berdine makes it clear to Jessie: "I'm looking out for Atsali! I was
friends with her before knowing her connections! She doesn't need anyone
taking advantage of her!" Jessie's a bit dismissive: "My point is, we all need to
keep an eye on her. I've been in her place, I'm willing to offer guidance. But
I'm saying we should do this together." Speaking of which – Cricket and
Krystle have bonded over pizza – New York style versus Neapolitan. A "joint
called Punch. Wood oven, 800 degrees, cooks in 90 seconds!" Meanwhile,
Atsali and Nadette head off on their own. "We both have study hall after lunch.
I say we get pie and sit by a window."] <Projected end to volume 11 of the
Wapsi Square book series>
Not That Scary (2014-08-18) [Morning breaks over a loft in Minneapolis. A
familiar figure yawns and stretches as she rises from her bed, to be met with:
"Good morning, Georgette! Welcome to your day!" She wasn't expecting
Guidance! AAAAAAAAGGGHHH! "Oh come on, I'm not THAT scary!"
Georgette's still getting used to "all this… paranormalness." This really isn't the
usual method of operation – not for her demons, nor her. "This seems to be a
side effect from the Jaguar Girl's intervention." "You mean Monica. It seems
we're going to…" GET YOUR SEA LEGS, GIRL! Another one of Jet's
demons – Mischief? – shot her forward into Guidance's open mouth! "NOTH
HELPANG!" Jet takes in the morning from the roof of her loft, and admits to
Guidance she's not sure if she's going to get used to the change: "the subtle and
not-so-subtle conversations that took place in my head happening in front of
me." Nothing's really changed – except that other paranormals can see her
demons. "Paranormals?! Is that slang for something I should be concerned
about?" (Oh dear… "I have to tell you now, don't I?") Georgette's trying to
soak this whole "paranormal" thing in: "Supernatural beings living side by side
with humans? No evil plots?" "Boring, huh? And with the added protection of
the world grid, all the elder gods and titans no longer bother earth." So – leave
humans alone, but secret wars between the werewolves and vampires, right?
(she's been reading too much Twilight.) "Oh, goodness, no! Both of those two
groups tend to be the most law abiding in regards to living alongside humans."
One of Jet's other demons pipes in: "Vampires tend to be involved in law
enforcement, child protective services, or guardians. Most werewolves are
artists or writers." (A brief announcement: SPACE ALIEN CAT GIRLS!)
Georgette enters The Antique Shop: "I'm so happy that you decided to commit
268.
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to your antique shop full time!" Monica agrees; though she will miss the
museum, it was just to "hide from the rest of the world. And this place really
needs my attention after Roy's death." (!) Georgette's investing in the shop as
well, as she's got the same passion for antiques as Monica. And as co-owners,
that means a day of antique and relic hunting! Tiffany – Monica's one
employee – holds down the fort as the two POIT off to the south of France.]
Say The Right Thing (2014-08-26) [Meanwhile, the two vampire girls are
enjoying The Beach at Café U296 - well, Suzie is, at least. Lily would rather be
back playing with her neighbor's pool boy. Suzie has noticed that Lily looks
horrible - at least, more horrible than usual for a vampire. She suddenly realizes
- "I don't think that this has anything to do with worry, or fear, or selfpreservation! I think that you've always had to fight against the perceptions of
others!" Lily turns on Suzie: "You're a romantic! You think that everything has
a deeper meaning than it really has!" "You're afraid of letting someone down!
Just admit it!" She lists off those who she's got on her side - Monica, Pickle,
Atsali, and Katherine… "Oh man." That causes the tears to flow… "Just shut
up, okay! Don't come over to me! I don't want you trying to make me feel
better! My daughter, my children are gone! They're ####ing GONE! They
were taken from me! I died alone! And one of your stupid ####ing HUGS isn't
going to fix it! STOP IT! DON'T COME OVER HERE!" Suzie doesn't follow
orders very well. Back in Minneapolis, Atsali "did" Castela's hair into twin
ponytails - and the doorbell rings! "That's the para-safety door, mama! I'll get
it!" Castela sings. Door opens: "It's gran'ma Lily, mama!" Lily is hugging her
grand-critter. "Gran'ma Lily's cryin', mama!" Kath finally makes her way down
to the entryway. "What happened? What's going on? Where's Grandma Lily?"
"I dunno, mama. Gran'ma Lily wuz cryin'. She-she gave me a hug and she left."
"That's odd. Did she say anything?" "She-she said, that's she's not ready yet,
but she wants to be. I-I told her that we weren't going anywhere, so she doesn't
have to be ready. That made her smile a little bit. (looking up at Kath) Did I say
the right thing, mama?" "You did very good, sweet pea." We end with a view
of Pickle's "wall" – where she has drawings of Shelly, Acacia, Atsali, Brandi,
Jin, Suzie, Grandma Lily, Momma Katherine and Monica.]
Mentoring, Demons and Dogs (2014-09-08) [Cricket wanders meekly through
the corridors of that old, abandoned hospital on the corner of Stevens Avenue
South and East 18th: "H-hello? I'm – I'm here for my mentoring…" FOOSH!
Astral Fire! "YOU'RE LATE!" Monica has her sleeves rolled up – and angry
eyes! "Yes! Yes I am! I was helping Atsali with her algebra! I lost track of
time!" "ARE YOU TRYING TO SHIFT BLAME?" "NO! I mean, no, ma'am. I
made myself late. I just wanted you to know that I wasn't slacking off." More
'normal' Monica: "Good! Own what you do! And don't let anyone bully you if
you've done nothing wrong!" The scene fades to white: "Huh. It's really open
here. I would've expected a welcome party by now. Quite peculiar." Calista is
confused; then a pointed (disintegrating) hand: "Oh, wait a moment, there they
are." Huh? Cricket turns, then turns back – where's Ms. Villarreal? The mist
clears… and two figures appear: one an empty, burned-out shell without a midsection, wearing a gas mask; the other a mechanical mirror to the other,
supported by wires and blades for hands and lower legs! Cricket screams for
Monica! "Don't worry. We'll all take care of you, Princess. Saving others from
you! This is best to avoid any danger." The "robot" lowers a gas mask onto
Calista; "We love you. We'll take care of you, Princess!" Calista falls back in
terror: "Get off of me! Get away from me!! (standing up suddenly) LET ME
GO!!" She tries to push the automaton away: "I told you to stay away from me!
Don't touch me! Get away!" "But, Princess! We love you! Let us show you
how much! We'll lock you away and love you!" (Hey Calista! Hey! Over here!)
"NOO! STAY AWAY!" (Hey, Punky! Time out!) And just as suddenly – she's
back in the Library? "Uuuhuh… (hair on end) Whaaat?" "You look like you're
ready for a break. I'm gonna get a ginger ale. You want one? I'll get you one.
And a hot pretzel. I'll get you a hot pretzel, too." Calista looks around,
bewildered. Monica returns – and expects the first question: "What the hell
were those big scary things?!" "Okay, stick with me here. They all belong to
you! They're your personal demons. They're always with you. Normally you
don't actually see them like that." Calista's trying to process this: "The voices in
my head, like, when I doubt myself, or when I think that I'm not good enough?
They're actually living creatures saying that?!" She said the magic word:
DOUBT! "FAR OUT, HUH, KID?!" Calista is in full freak out mode. "Oh,
Monica! You're scaring the little sweetie!" Introductions time: "Calista, this is
Doubt. She's one of my personal demons. In fact, she is one of my most trusted
advisors. She won't and can't hurt you. She can only harm me. But she can only
do so through words." "That doesn't help me feel any better! You're powerful!
More powerful than any Fae! Are my demons going to harm me now? Did you
open up a doorway I can't close now? What will they do to me?" Of course,
this is where the two "demon divas" do some intros of their own. "Oh, dahrling,
I luv the accessories! (Hey, she's got on Monica's 8-ball t-shirt!) Very postapocalyptic, with a nod to the German dada movement. Sexy!" And, in Doctor
Who-vian deadpan: "Are you my mummy? (giggle) Sorry, I couldn't resist."
She then fawns over Monica: "The Demon Shepherd! It's an honor to meet
you! The story how you vanquished the False Queen sends chills through me!"
Monica blushes – all she did was "just kinda stood there." "Such modesty! Yet
all the raw power you own!" She turns to face Calista. "Are you having trouble
with this young fae? Do you need her softened up?" "WHAT?! NO! NO!! NO
SOFTENING!" This is supposed to be an exercise in helping Calista control
her impulses, balance the voices of her demons… "Aaaand, now she's running
from the room, and she's crying,…" Doubt kicks in: "Oh, Princess! And you
started off so strong. Now you have to find another angle to get her to trust and
not fear you. But I'm pulling for you. In my own way." (Sonuva-bitch!)
Meanwhile, back in Minneapolis, Dietzel is munching down on his dog food
when… VORP! Mid-bite, he suddenly realizes he's not in Monica's house
anymore! He looks around – and finds a little Fae girl, crying over in the
corner. "Oh! Hello. My name's Calista. Are you visiting the Library too?" She
looks at his tag: Dietzel. "That's a handsome name! Are you here with
someone, Dietzel?" He hears something! Running off to the balcony, he's
chased by Cricket: "Hey! Don't get lost in here! Wha-what did you find? Oh,
that's just Phix. Do you know Phix? She runs the library. Who's she talking to?
Is that Ms. Villarreal?" The pair look down to the main floor of the Library:
"Because you are just who that young woman needs! You know what she's
going through! You're the one who will connect with her on a personal level!"
"But I'm a screw up! I've already lost her trust! She's scared of me! All I'll do is
make her life worse now! I'm not the dangerous monster she thinks I am, but
she'll never believe that now!" Calista can't believe what she heard! "Ms.
Villarreal is a demigod, a sub-titan, or sumtin'!" A screw-up? Dietzel,
meanwhile, is rolling his eyes. "Don't roll your eyes like that! You don't know
her like I do!" (Oh, what she doesn't know…) "I screwed this all…" Suddenly,
ZAP! Electricity flows between her (invisible) antennae! "AAUUGH! OWIE!!
Oh my gosh! An anxiety arc! I haven't had one of those in years! (looking
around, over the edge of the balcony) I don't think that did any damage!"
Unfortunately, she did do something – as Dietzel is now the size of a june bug!
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"Oh, I'm sorry! Uh, it's not permanent! I uh, I just don't know how I did it. Uh –
So I'm not sure how to make you big again!" Dietzel starts crying, but Cricket
consoles him: "Things always seem way worse when you're in the middle of
them. You just have to look for the edges." They're in a library, of course. And
Dietzel discovers a "common jumping spider" who's almost as big as he is!
Meanwhile, Cricket does a Library search: "Let's see. Fae cookie recipes, Fae
clock repair, Fae counter-curses! Floor 117, Wing D, Aisle 32. Easy!" Now,
how to get there? "SPIDER SILK! BEST! IDEA! EVER!!" Back "upstairs",
Monica is trying to get out of mentoring Calista: "She ran away from me,
crying!" Phix explains: "She needs to be out of her own comfort zone if she
intends to grow! She needs you!" Enter Shelly: "What was your lesson with the
princess today? She sure is in a mood. She shrunk your dog and jumped off the
atrium ledge!" PANIC! "Yeah Dietzel looked like he was enjoying it, and the
spider, uh, and they were on a spider web, and…" Grandma is face-palming –
Shel obviously takes after mom. "Damn! That little elf can sure run fast now
that she's part farm cat!" With a trail of astral fire, Monica leaps over the side
and all the way down to the bottom floor… "DIETZEL! CALISTAAAA!" The
patrons are a bit confused – and a Jaguar Girl is beet red: "Oooh, hey! Lookit
that, false alarm. No one jumped to their death! I mean, obviously, right?
Everything is okay!... Would any of you happen to have seen a five inch fae
girl, and a tiny bull terrier run by?" Back up on Floor 117, Calista's browsing
books – while the spider and Dietzel are on the shelf – and she suddenly hears
her name! "That's Ms. Villarreal! She sounds upset!" Dietzel barks at the sound
of his mistress's voice: "Dietzel-sweetie! I heard you! I'm coming!" DIETZELSWEETIE? "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT YOU'RE MS.
VILLAREAL'S DOG?!" Dietzel give her "the look" – but Calista's cowering in
fear instead: "She's going to kill me!" THERE YOU ARE! "I'm sorry! Please
don't kill me!! It was an accident! Don't kill me!!" She doesn't: Busty Mentor
Hugs! "Sweetie, it was wrong of me to expose you to your own demons
without preparing you first. I should have been your guide beforehand." Calista
explains what happened: "I was angry at those mermaid cheerleaders. I
overheard some upper classmen talking about the cheer routine, when the one
girl holds the other up, he said it looked…" (well, yeah, "fisting") "I didn't
know what they were talking about. I had to look it up. I-I wus angry, but I
would never do that to anyone! I made fake cheerleaders. I wanted to
embarrass them, not hurt them. The principal said that if that had been the
actual girls, I'd have been brought up on rape charges." And that is where we
discover why Monica was chose to be her "mentor" – but not without a certain
Jaguar Girl's trigger issue. Monica lays down the law: the ONLY reason she is
working with her was that it WASN'T the real girls. "You ####ed up beyond
bad! And I will guide you back, but it's your job to follow, or I'll leave you for
camel spider food! Got it?!" (Yes, Ms. Villarreal!) As for Dietzel? She is
ENAMORED! "My Little Dietzel", however, is perturbed – and even more so
when Monica plays Crimson Mantis and her "bumbling Bumble Bee"!]
Siren Song (2014-10-07) [Berdine and Nadette have joined Atsali on Island
Café U-296, and Berdine wants some dish on the cute boy Atsali's interested
in. "We're on the island, we don't talk work or school." (But…) "I'm not
making any moves until all the attention on me dies down, and until I know
he's single. And I've been too busy with schoolwork to determine the latter."
(But how are we supposed to live vicariously through you if you won't play
along?) "NOT LISTENING!" Berdine pleads a bit – "Just go talk to him!
That's how you find out if he's interested!" Still talking about school! "I'm
going to boot you off the island, Berdine!" Nadette picks up on it immediately:
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"This isn't about Atsali, is it?" "If a hot babe like her can't get a guy…"
Suddenly, Nadette is overwhelmed by Atsali: "Since you don't understand my
concern, let me explain. (singing) I'll just sing a few words, what I say's not
important. You're falling in love with the sound of my voice…" The Siren's Call
works too well: "Oh dear, that was easy..." Without taking her gaze from an
enraptured Berdine, she casually asks Nadette about her twin sister's "interest
in girls." (Straight as an arrow) Atsali continues her song: "Oh, but she's drawn
to me, she wants my body. She needs me close to her, my warmth." The two
girls are dangerously close – to the point where Atsali even insinuates a kiss…
WHUMP! "BUT… I won't let things go that far! I'm not that insidious! Even
though I could charm anyone just like that, I won't!" A dismissive wave as
Berdine finds herself face down in the surf. Atsali doesn't want to fall into
stereotypical siren behavior – and won't let others think that way of her, either!
Berdine, of course, is a little disoriented. "DOY! Omigod what wusthat?"
Nadette saw it coming: "That was why Atsali doesn't want you to push her."
Atsali confides in Nadette: "That was my first time really doing that full bore.
That almost got away from me." Nadette finds that funny: Berdine essentially
walked right into it. "She needs to learn to really listen." Atsali noticed
something: her singing didn't affect Nadette at all. "Being a seer makes me
vulnerable sometimes… (it also) protects me from all kinds of magic. Not all
of me is in the Now to be affected. Good news for you though. Those who have
strong feelings for you will also have protection from your singing." The
wheels are turning in Atsali's brain: "Wait. So, strong emotions negate any
effect from a Siren Song? Emotions about me? Like if someone falls in love
with me? My biological mom always said she knew my dad was the one,
because her song had no effect on him. I always thought it was because he was
an incubus!" (The male version of a succubus – except in the Wapsiverse,
they're not demonic.) "Do you know what this means????" A dazed Berdine
approaches – and Atsali gives her a full-on sloppy kiss! "You girls are
GREAT! I'll see you both at school on Monday!" Poor Berdine is cross-eyed:
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT CHICK TRYING TO DO TO ME?" Back
home, Atsali is full of SQUEEE! (And a midnight snack with Castela!) As for
Pickle – she is hard at work drawing a unicorn Pegasus – when she hears
something. Turning, she looks – nothing. Then: "Heey there, little sis! Whatcha
dooin'?" AAUGH! "Your face looks weird, and your voice sounds funny! What
do you want?" Atsali starts singing: "Oh, nothing special… I was just wanting
you to give me your desserts for the next week." Castela is not amused. "You're
givin' me the creeps! I'm outta here. (YES! SUCCESS!) MAMA! Atsali's lost
her darn mind! (After a single-shot of Steampunk Atsali…) What is wrong
with you? You're acting funny. You're acting messed up." "I found out
something special about my siren powers. Something I only speculated." "Ooh!
Ooh! Can-can-can you call unicorns or pegasuses?" "No, even better! No one
who loves me can be affected by my powers! (LAME!) Look, sweetie, I know
this may sound weird to you, or like I'm being silly, but this is a big deal for
me. Being a siren, I have to be careful not to force people to like me. Now I
know it's possible to be with someone who likes me for me. Also, I was hoping
that you may want to help me with a secret mission!" Castela ponders this:
"Will you need me to find ways to bring you to the attention of the boy you
think is cute that you wrote about in your journal?" "Uh, yeah. It'll be
something like that. And remember…" MAMA, IMA HELPIN' ATSALI
STALK A BOY SHE THINKS IS CUTE! (Uh, don't tell mom?)
Spare Sister [2014-10-22] Later, Atsali's video chatting with Nadette – "How's
Berdine? Has she snapped back yet? I hope she's not upset with me." "No,
everything's cool. I have some potentially good news for you. Jacob, that boy
you think is so cute, works at that coffee shop near the uptown Lund's!
(Supermarket chain in Minneapolis) It's perfect for you! You're a regular study
bug. You could use the coffee shop as your study base!" Get you work done,
scope him out, a chance to notice you, small talk while making his drink,
comment on his hair… SPROING! "What was that? Are you okay?"
WINGBONER! "NOTHING! I'M OKAY!" Nadette realizes that Atsali's
wings just "popped out" while they were talking. "Did your wings come out
because we were talking about Jacob? (her object d'amour)" Atsali admits – it's
a sign of arousal. "But it's more of a fight or flight thing now. I'm nervous
about doing this!" Nadette is bemused – but she realizes something: "It's a
human coffee shop. You need to hold your form!" "you don't think I know
that?! That's why I'm so darn nervous! And ever since hitting puberty, it's been
harder to control all this stuff!" Nadette knows about talismans that
werewolves use to control situations like that. Sounds like Atsali's only option.
"I mean, if I were to have those ginormous things jump out in public, I'd be in
big trouble!" "BOOBIES!" Castela! Atsali turns from the camera: "Hey, you
little ding-dong! What are you doing in my room? This is a private call! I was
not talking about my boobies, I was talking about my wings!" Castela sticks
out her tongue: "You said 'boobies'!" Meanwhile, Nadette is getting a full-on
view of something else – a Siren's posterior. Suddenly, Castela makes a dive
for Atsali's "Victoria's Secret Compartment" – "OH MY GOD! CASTELA,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" "I saw a box, there's – There's a BOX OF
COOKIES in here! HERE IT IS!" "You little ####, you're going to rip my
shirt! I'm not wearing A BRA!" Meanwhile, the sound of fainting comes from
the screen… The two sisters struggle as Atsali's shirt reaches critical mass –
and Castela emerges with her hands on the cookies (Mama said – she-she said
tah share!). Meanwhile, on the other end of the internet, Berdine walks in on
her sister: "Hey, sis, who are you talking to? Wait, is that a video? What the
heck are you watching?" She peeks in, as Nadette is in stunned, embarrassed
silence. "Is – is that Atsali? What the hell is she…" RRRRRIIIP! "Atsali?!
What on earth? What the hell were you doing? Uh… Oh my God! You broke
my sister! (giggle) You broke her!" Atsali is hiding her ample breasts in her
arms – and is more mad than anything. "I'll have a slightly used one, with a
broken friggen nose that I'll gladly give to you in a few moments!" Castela runs
off (WARM COOKIES!) while Atsali grabs a shirt. Berdine, meanwhile, gets
her sister to snap out of it: "What the heck were you two doing online?"
Nadette is squeezing herself – and blushing profusely: "Nothing! We – we
weren't doing anyting!" Berdine suddenly gets it: "Oh my God! You, you like
Atsali, don't you?!" Atsali, meanwhile, is breathing threats: "When I get my
hands on the little stink weed…" She yells CASTELA! so loud, she ends up
levitating a cookie-eating Pickle! The two sisters take their argument to a
slightly-bewildered Mama Katherine… who is starting to wonder if she got
more than she bargained for with two supernatural children. (Two Halloween
pin-ups: Atsali and Castela as a devil and angel – and Monica celebrating the
Day of the Dead as Jaguar Girl!) The accusations start flying – and the primal
markings start emerging; "The #### DOOR WAS CLOSED!" "YOU'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO SHARE AND NOT KEEP EVERYTHING FOR
YOURSELF!" "You don't get it that SOMETIMES I DON'T WANT YOU
AROUND!" Oops… That hit Castela hard… Momma Katherine tells her to
stop talking: "Sweetie, you're just going to make things worse if you keep
talking. Go to your room and let me do my job." And Kath realizes something:
This is my job now. Talking down emotional non-human entities, who could
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eviscerated during a tantrum. Backing up my authority with my attitude alone.
She finds Castela has come apart in the hallway, her tears of thorns stretching
along the entry-way wall. "There's an adorable rose bush in the hallway! When
I was a little girl, we had a rose bush outside our trailer. I was always told not
to touch it, because of its thorns. But I felt bad for the rose bush. It gave us
such lovely flowers, but it couldn't get hugs. One day I went to the rose bush
and gave it a great big hug. I spent the next two weeks in the hospital, but I was
happy I could give something back to the rose bush." Suddenly, the thorn bush
becomes a little girl – who hugs her momma. "That was dumb and dangerous,
mama. You just need to water rose bushes." Castela looks like a miniature Bud
(irony, or stealth pun?) – and Kath realizes she has to go "have at Atsali. The
nerve of her shouting at you like that!" "Bu – but were, we were both shouting
at each other. An – an… I – I might've, I might've inter-upt'd her. She – she was
talking. An' you tell us notta inna-rupt. An' I did. But – but, she was hiding
cookies. An' you say to share, but I inna-ruppted first, an' – an'…" "Are you
trying to protect Atsali? After going into her room when her door was closed,
and interrupting her? Now this?" The little girl gets it: "Well played, mama,
well played. I 'spose I need to go an' – an' talk with her now?" (As she's already
walking away…) "Not just talk. You both need to listen. No shouting and use
words from your lists. You're both having growing pains and I won't take
sides." Castela gets to the hallway outside Atsali's door – to hear a sobbing
siren! "AND THAT'S WHY I'M SUCH A SCREW-UP!" Nadette apparently
heard everything, but couldn't understand anything Atsali said through the
crappy speakers on her computer. Atsali (hugging her stuffed koala) repeats:
"I've been feeling so overwhelmed lately, and my stupid hormones are making
me a mess, I've been keeping chocolate near me all the time, and I just need my
privacy. And Castela still needs me, an' I just chewed her head off and I'm just
a big meanie!" Castela knows only one response to that: she hugs her!]
Hold Up A Mirror (2014-11-10) [Tina and Monica are reconnecting at the
Cerberus Club: "Miss Shelly tells me that you've been tutoring a fae. She also
says that you may have had a bit of a setback in maintaining your composure."
"I feel like I messed the whole thing up, but it was the fae girl who apologized
to me. The little nerd looks up to me." Instead of talking about it, Monica
"shows" her… "Just look at this little stinkie-bear!" EEEEEEEEE! Even as
Monica is apologizing to mini-Dietzel, Bud notices someone "smelling like
five Manhattans" heading her way… and it's not the Borough or the City.
Georgette! "I was indulging in a few drinks over at Pittsburgh Blue, and you
know what? (taking M in a full-on embrace) Those Demons that you
anthropomorphized for me were making quite the case for the two of us being
together. Not just as friends, though. We both want each other's body. And I
could tell you what they suggested, but I'll just take you home and do it to you
instead." Jaguar girl is overwhelmed… "I – I don't think either of us is sober
enough to make that kind of decision! I'd probably go home with you! And –
and I have Kevin!" "Let's talk about that. Since I've had you in my head and all.
He's who comes when you snap your fingers. You #### him like you're trying
to take control of something. You get angry if he doesn't put out. You get off
on intimidating him into being your #### toy! But you blush when you see me.
Your façade falls away. You're yourself with me. Your soul heals with mine.
You love me!" She throws the ultimatum – she's going to walk away to the cab
outside the club – "And that's why I know that you'll follow me out, and come
home with me." Jet's tears are streaming as Monica's about to bawl: "GOD
DAMMIT JET! THAT'S NOT ####ING FAIR! YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL
ABOUT YOU! I HAVE KEVIN. I CAN'T JUST THROW THAT AWAY!"
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She looks up at her, mascara running and tears streaming. "And how ####ing
DARE you use emotional extortion like that on me!" "You're selfish like me.
You don't see how you hurt those around you. Yes, Kevin loves you, but you
don't love him! You just keep him. And you're too self absorbed to see the one
person, who does notice him, and who could love him." That person is biting
her lip and looking around the club: C'mon, Jin! Where the hell are you?! Jin
poits in next to Bud: "Here I am! Who's getting the first round?" "JIN,
DJCERWIFGUJLSDKCJKGERK7VGE KJUSHDOUIWEGH
KJCDHBUKASGCUEIH WDIHCIDJKCHSADUOYCWGUKJKUOSAU!"
(And she meant every word!) "WHAT?! Why didn't you say so sooner?"
"ALCOHOL GO BYE-BYE NOW!" And, with two POITS: two demons are
forcibly evicted from their hosts – one looking like skeletal remains, the other
like a vine of thorns. Jin: "All clear! We need damage control STAT! Who do
we have on deck?" Bud: "Tina, get over here now! We need an intervention!"
Tina peeks in: "False alarm, gals. These are two very damaged souls, who want
desperately to be together. And they'll unintentionally hurt anyone else who
gets close to them. Mind you, they're both pretty messed up, but they may just
help to heal each other. The downside is telling Kevin." Jet and Monica pick
themselves off the floor; Jet starts apologizing: "None of that was my place to
say! But… but that's how I feel! I'm a coward. I love you, but I couldn't just tell
you that." Monica: "Stop talking. Just… stop. I'm going to send you home.
Wait for me, I will be there. I'm just not sure what I'm going to say to Kevin.
But if you can see through this, I'm sure he does to." Kevin, meanwhile, is
home watching TV when he hears a knock: "Hey, sweetie! You don't normally
knock, you don't use doors! What's going on?" "Some – Someone held a mirror
up to me, and I finally looked. I… I need to tell you some things. Not talk with
you. Tell you." Later – at Georgette's: "I hate him. I hate him for being so
sweet to me. I told him about the hospital, how I've been treating him. I ####
him like I hate the world… And he asked me what I needed, what he could do.
He's so sane, so ####ing GROUNDED! I feel… he makes me feel… I'm too
much of a mess for his life. He shouldn't be used like that. He doesn't deserve a
life like that."]
The Aftermath (2014-11-19) [The winter in Minneapolis has grown heavy and
dark. A solitary figure walks along the shores of Lake Calhoun, sitting down at
a bench near the lifeguard station at Calhoun Beach. A while later, a second
pair of boots – these with fur-lined tops – walks into view. The dejected Kevin
– with a few days razor stubble – sits dejected. And next to him, not sure what
to say, is Acacia. Kevin breaks the ice: "Were you following me around? Are
you like a vulture or something? How much did she tell you? Are you well
versed already on her hospital stay?" "I don't know what you mean by 'vulture'.
I've seen you from my apartment for a few days now. I just know M was in a
hospital. Nothing more." "She felt compelled to tell me how she was repeatedly
raped while in the hospital before she told me that I was better off without her.
In the end, I was nothing more than a chew toy for her." This is news to Bud: "I
– I didn't know about any of that. She never told me about the time in the
hospital. I don't know what to say about that." Bud muses on this as she looks
out at the lake. "This will be of no consolation to you, but I believe Monica is
pushing everyone who was once close to her away. She has outgrown all of us,
and yet we all remind her just how fragile she really is. Maybe part of her sees
that that makes her dangerous. Maybe she's tired of hiding how dark she has
become." Kevin found that amusing. "That's a good one. I'm not even going to
attempt a diagnosis (of Monica). I do know that she never really trusted me.
For once in my life, I'm going against my instinct. My sister always told me I
274.
275.
try too hard to fix things." He used to bring home injured birds and animals.
They didn't last long, but he brought them home anyways. His sister "always
told me to figure out who I attract, who I'm attracted to, then figured out who I
need, not want." Bud isn't sure if she's hearing this right: "Are – are you letting
Monica go? How can you be content with who you need and not who you
want?" "She made her choice. I didn't chase her away. Need and want aren't
mutually exclusive." He gets up to. "I'll be around. My sis also told me to take
dance lessons to help me not be such a klutz!"]
Get Over It (2014-11-24) [Monica goes a-whining to Phix: "I'm too big of a
mess to be a mentor for anyone, especially an at-risk paranormal… I only care
about myself, and tore Kevin's heart out, and…" I SAID, DEAL WITH IT!
The sudden chewing out saddens Mon at first, then, in a fit of frustration, she
lets out an astral-flame scream! Unfortunately, someone saw her: "Uh-uh, Mm-m-m-miss Villarreal, I-I-I-I'm a bit early, I made sure I, I don't know what I
did wrong!! Please don't be angry! I fix it, whatever it is!" Monica's beet-red:
"No! wait! It wan'st you!" AAAUUUGH! Calista runs, runs away: "I don't
know what I did wrong! I'm sorry!" Monica does the "poit in the path":
"Youdidn'tdoanythingwrong!Wait!Wait!Wait! WAAAIIIT!" WHUMP! "Aaaw
####buckets! I'm so so so so so sorry, Ms. Villarreal! I didn't see you there!
Please don't kill me!" (Castela had some extra turkey for Thanksgiving)
Monica tries to console Calista – "I'm not going to hurt you. I'll never hurt you.
You have to stop running away like that. You can't always run from your
problems…" Unfortunately, recent events start coming to mind… "You
shouldn't run from someone who's trying to help… or run from problems, or
push folks away… because, when you run from problems… you – you just find
them elsewhere, without really solving anything. And you hurt those you try to
protect from the part of you that you hate. OH FOR ####'s SAKE! I'm a big
screwup! I hope that Kevin and Bud have the good sense to get together!"
"Uuuh, Miss Villareal, are you still talking about me? I – I don't think I know a
Kevin. What are you talking about? Why are you saying mean things about
yourself?" "I think we were meant to help each other." Calista doesn't
understand – until M reveals her sexual assault, and how she was "attacked by
my friends when they destroyed the Calendar Machine. We both have PTSD."
It suddenly clicks for Cricket… And M gets the hug of fear! "Sweetie, what
you did was messed up, but you did it to shadow girls. Not real girls. You
yourself said you wouldn't hurt someone like that." Monica wants her to grow –
and that begins with being honest about not wanting to work with her.
"Because I'm such a stupid screw up?! A spoiled brat Fae?! I'm a worthless and
amoral species who need to be walled up in Tartarus?" "Sweetie… No.
Because I felt that I was a spoiled brat screw up, who was amoral and
worthless, and should be walled up somewhere for the good of everyone."
Monica gets up off the floor and walks away… only to be hugged by Calista.]
Sha-ZOWIE! (2014-12-05) [Tina does not look good. A phone call to Mucho
Mocha: "Becky, I can't stay here! COUGH HACK WHEEZE There's nothing
to do, and there's nothing on TV!" "Tina, you need to be in bed and get lots of
rest! I've got you covered! Don't you dare come in here! You'll get worse, and
you'll make all your customers sick!" Tina whines: "Stupid, evil flu bug! Just
let me die in peace!" Shelly wanders in to the shop – and is surprised to see
Becky? Where's Tina? "She's sick. She caught the flu, and I told her to stay and
get better." At first, Shelly doesn't believe her – but Becky confirms: "She tried
to come in, but I sent her back home. She looks terrible!" Uh – Tina doesn't get
sick! (Becky isn't in on all of this…) A little VORP from the Library's
transporter to Tina's apartment, and Shelly finds Tina, sick and shivering on her
276.
couch. "Wait. What? You have the flu?! You don't get sick. What the hell?"
(I'm sick.) "You can be injured, but you've never been sick before." Tina
whine: "How can people live this way? And there's nothing I can take to get rid
of this!" Shelly realizes something: "I've only seen you injured for a day at a
time. Your arm broken for only a day, and your wrist that time parking." Tina
knows – but she doesn't know why this is happening now. "And I've been
sleeping at night too. Ever since Bia made me able to dream and see the
radiation from stars." The magic words for Shelly: "MY MOTHER DID THIS
TO YOU?" Then, suddenly, it hits Shel: "You sleep like a human now? You
don't do the 'lights-out-no-one-home' thing anymore?" Experiment time: "Stand
up." Wrapped in her blankets, she gets up "Now, can you still just shut down
without sleeping? If you can, do that after sleeping. Wake up, shut down, then
do your recharge. Can you try that now?" She can't sleep – too stuffy and achy.
"No, I just meant to shut down for a moment, then turn the lights back on."
Okay… with a cough, she suddenly shuts down. Blacked out eyes, open mouth,
then… Flaming eyes, and… "SHAZOWIE!" Meanwhile, back at the library, a
certain little girl is reading a book when: "Oooh, Mmmuther! I gotta question
for ya! (she dwarfs her own mother as Shel hugs her from behind, innocently)
Do you know what the boy from A.I., Pinocchio, Data, and the Little Mermaid
have in common? That's right, mom, they all want to be human! Now, a bonus
question. Can you tell me how Tina Rosario Aldaco Guzman differs from those
characters, other than being a real entity?" (Please hold your laughter.) "Oh
please tell me that she's okay! I was only trying to help." Uh oh. Cut to a
vodka'ed-up Tina amused by a daytime talk show!]
Try It Out (2014-12-15) [Nadette gives Atsali the talisman – and suggests they
try it out. "Okay, um, how do we try that out?" Nadette starts whispering in her
ear, then starts to get a little… um… "Oh my gosh!" Nadette's ears have
reverted to bear form: "Oh-oh my. It – it looks like it, oh my, it worked. Oh
dear, it worked." Atsali could use a cold shower, but fortunately Kath brewed
her an "anaphrodisic" tea. "Being a siren, my hormones can go off the chart.
This has hops, valerian, and skullcaps." She takes a drink: "Ooooh, that's much
better. My body was starting to get really warm. I felt like my thighs were
going to catch fire, and then…" Nadette chugs down the rest of the bottle (her
ears again!). Oblivious Atsali asks why she can't see the talisman in the mirror?
"They're invisible when worn. Only you can see the talisman while wearing it.
It's invisible to everyone else and reflections. That's the main job of talismans,
to protect the wearer. Staying hidden from all others helps keep you safe."
Atsali didn't want this "queen bee" status, but with Nadette's help, "I may be
able to slide through the annoying politics. Or at least stay below the radar long
enough to keep my grades up." Big hug time! "If there's ever anything I can do
for you, just name it! I'm all yours!" (No, we can't see her ears this time.)
Confidence! Nadette's been a moving pep talk for her! "You come from a large
family, with lots of love and support, and always having a sister close to you. I
don't have that. What you've done means the world to me." She'll just take a
hug or two (friend zoned). And now, the last touch – dressing the part. Nadette
keeps her eyes averted while she's getting changed: "You're over thinking this!
Just pick out something that's you. Something you would wear while you
study." Uh, she studies at home, and usually just in her tank top and undies –
without a bra. "Yeah, that won't work, honey. You don't want to break the
coffee shop… or Jacob." That makes her even more self-conscious. "Just relax.
Pick out something that will show off just how thoughtful and smart you are.
Think about the clothes of someone you look up to." And when Nadette turns
around – headband, skirt, waistcoat, and a push up bra??? The ears emerge yet
277.
again! Atsali is oblivious: "Oh golly! I look ridiculous, don't I?! It's the push up
bra?! I thought it would work best with the waistcoat, and then…" (After a
"friends" single sketch of the two girls…) The coffee shop: Jacob's sister
(Randi) is concerned: "Mom was asking me about your social life again, last
night. She's nosy, but she worries about you. I mean, you bury your nose in
books, and you never talk to anyone. I'm like the only girl you're not scared
of!" He's not scared of girls! He just has "trouble relating with them about,…
stuff." Randi's not buying it: "If you can talk to me, you can talk with other
girls. We're not aliens! Quit thinking of all girls as flighty, hormone-ridden,
ding-dongs!" And speaking of which: Atsali and Nadette have arrive outside
the shop – and Atsali has decided to go with an outfit that's very reminiscent of
another character in the strip (complete with 8-ball t-shirt!) Nadette is trying
hard not to roll her eyes too much. Inside, Jacob is trying to explain things:
"Randi, I agreed to work with you to stop mom from telling me that I need to
get out more. You sound like mom. Do you want to sound like mom? I hide in
books because it's safe. I don't fit in very well. I'm not athletic, and I'm… "
"Hold that thought, Jacob. I have to run to the shop around the corner for more
skim milk, and you have customers!" Wait, WHAT? Blank stare as he turns –
and sees the blank stare of Atsali, and the snerk of a very bemused Nadette.
(Castela wants a hippopotamus for Christmas; Atsali just wants to be Santa's
helper.) After a mutual gape session, Nadette sees Randi re-enter the store –
and Nadette recognizes her! "How's your winter break going? I've been having
fry bread comas every afternoon for a week!" Randi remembers that she has
some something for Nadette: "I have that avocado honey that my cousin
harvests." She just happens to have a couple of jars in the break room,
complete with avocado wood honey dipper. "These two will be fine."
Meanwhile, the two are still staring, but something else has happened: "My –
my horns are showing, aren't they?" Atsali finally runs through her "script":
"Hey there, Jacob! I've seen you around at Gryphon. I was wondering, maybe
if…" Jacob starts concentrating on "reducing" his horns, and realizes
something: "Look, I know my sister put you up to this. Randi takes her role as
a satyr in stride. Me, not so much. So, if she asked you, a siren, to try and get
me…" TRIGGER WARNING! "Try and get you WHAT?!! EXPERIENCED?!
Is that what you think about sirens?! I'll have you know that I'm a VIRGIN, and
I plan on keeping it that way until I'm READY! So you better restructure that
paradigm! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!" The poor boy is hiding behind
the counter, cowering in fear! "So, I – (this isn't going the way she thought it
would) I was wondering if you'd like to get together some time, and maybe go
to uptown and wander through some of the shops there?" "One – one o'clock
tomorrow works for me." (Atsali and the bears dance in the New Year!)]
The Siren's Signal (2015-01-05) [Randi is ecstatic that her brother actually got
asked out on a date! "You were right!" Nadette is smiling a bit sheepishly –
pardon the pun: "Heh, yes! Just like I said, 'By meeting my friend, your brother
will find happiness'. He has met Atsali, he is destined for…" "Happiness! Oh, I
can stop fussing over him, and all the prodding!" Nadette turns away –
realizing to herself she's not lying, per se. Jacob will "now find happiness
because of this meeting. And Atsali finding the courage to talk to Jacob has set
her on the path to happiness." And even as Atsali is preening that she actually
asked him out, Nadette finishes her thought – and prophecy: It's just that their
happiness isn't reliant on the two of them staying together. Out along the
northern shores of Lake Calhoun, Grandma Lily tracks down her
granddaughter: "What do you remember about the lost tribe of the Lanthians?
The Etheitians?" "Almost everything, but not as noisy as at first… Wait.
What's going on? That site was destroyed in a meltdown?" Lily grits her teeth:
"There's a signal coming from below the destroyed site." The talisman may
keep her wings from deploying, but her facial marks (and fangs!) come out full
bore: "I AM NOT GOING NEAR THAT DEATH TRAP! I ALMOST DIED
THERE AND NOTHING YOU SAY WILL MAKE ME GO BACK THERE!"
Nadette has to hold her back from grandma, but Lily, surprisingly, agrees with
her: "Neither me nor the MIB are gonna let you within 100 miles of that
complex! But they need you as a consultant. I've got a car around the corner.
I'll come back and get you." And as soon as Lily is out of earshot: "Did you
hear that? I don't think the MIB trust me. They just think I'll make things
worse. We need to get to the Library and then Mapimi!" Nadette is confused,
even as Atsali is on the run back across Lake Avenue: "Where are we going?
Why are we running?" Atsali runs down a short alleyway next to Lund's: "We
need to get to a Library gate door before Grandma Lily finds us! C'mon!
There's one down the alley behind Chino Latino! (a Sino-Mexican restaurant)
Hurry up! Before anyone sees us! Let's go!" Atsali opens the door, takes a step
and Nadette runs in afterward: "I'm… cominngggAAAAUUUUUUUUGH!"
Meanwhile, grandma's taken her LTD around the block a few times, and Suzi's
a bit concerned: "Where did you tell her to wait for you?" "I left Atsali right
here! I didn't tell her to meet me anywhere else!" Lily stops the car on Lake
Avenue, gets out and looks around frantically: "She's just gone! I don't
understand it. Where did she go?" Suzi suddenly realizes something: "Wait, did
you tell her that we don't want her to go back to… You did! You told a teen
girl specifically what not, …uuhg!" The realization suddenly hits Lily – and
ALL THE CUSS WORDS come out of her mouth! Meanwhile, Atsali and
Nadette are free-falling, and Atsali's wings don't work! "This going to be a hard
landing!" WHUMP! Nadette lands right on Atsali's chest! "OOWWW! Boobs
are not airbags!! GOSH DARN-IT!" "What is your bra MADE out of? My
nose is killing me!" It wasn't the bra – it was the talisman, which is why she
wasn't able to fly. The two look around: "This doesn't look like the Library or
any annex I've ever seen. I also feels like it's 80 degrees! Something tells me
that we're not in Minneapolis anymore." Atsali looks around herself as Nadette
disrobes: "Something must be wrong. The Library transported us to where the
problem is. Whatever the signal is, anyway." She turns around just in time to
see Nadette's Nehru jacket "disappear" into her hand. "Oh, lookit you, Miss
Snazzy Pants! Changing your whole outfit!" Nadette deflects her
embarrassment – pardon the pun again – by looking around and asking the
obvious question: "What now? You've done this before, right? With your
mom? We're going to be safe, right?" Admission time – "I think the Library is
helping us." (Like, we're agents for the Library now?) "I like to think that me
getting all that info about a lost civilization for the Library, that it trusts me
now." Nadette sees an opening: "The Library must trust us both. Maybe seeing
that we're good together. (she "impresses" herself on Atsali to make her point.)
What'cha thing of that?" FOOMF! Wings don't lie! "Relax, babe. I'm not gonna
bite. And I'm not going to get in your way with Jacob. It's just an ego boost to
see you might find me attractive." Suddenly – lights out! Where were the lights
coming from, anyways? Suddenly: Tsillah! "SURPRISE!" THOK! Siren
Punch! Three surprised beings: Nadette, surprised that it was Death's daughter;
Atsali that she managed to hit a shadow: "Wait, how did I do that?!" And a
shadow on the floor: "Owie… How did you do that?" That actually got Tsillah.
"How did you move that fast? And, like, actually hit me? That was incredible!"
"I don't know! I did it without thinking! I felt startled, then just, you were on
the ground!" Nadette doesn't mean to interrupt, but it's not game time. "Did you
or the Library have anything to do with the signal from Mapimi? Are you the
reason we're here?" Tsillah's there because of the Library, and MIB is supposed
to be along. "But I wasn't expecting students. Not a problem, though. I mean,
following up on a mysterious signal, from a destroyed complex, in the middle
of a dead zone for signals. This'll be like exploring a haunted house, don’t'ya
think?" Only one small problem – Nadette hates haunted houses, not even the
fake ones on Halloween. "Atsali, why are you looking past me like that?"
"Nadette, keep looking at me. First of all, ground rule. We all need to stick
together. No splitting up. Tsillah, we three are the only ones on site?" Tsillah
acknowledges this: "Even the Library showed that no one else was here before
us." "Then why are there shadows moving in that next room over there?" And
that has the two other girls booking in the opposite direction. "Gosh Darnit! I
said that we need to stick together!" Atsali finds herself alone in the dark – and
she can't see very well when it's that dark. "Hey! Can't you two hear me?!
C'mon! Where are you?!! We need to stick together so we don't get lost, and so
nothing happens… to us." Panic starts to set in as a glowing pair of eyes and a
skull suddenly appear behind her. "HEY NOW! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" Atsali
freezes in fear, even as the skull coalesces into a moving creature – a skeleton
covered in cloth with demonic hair streaking behind in tendrils. Just as it is
about to touch Atsali – THOCK! Roundhouse KICK! The skeleton reverts to a
stack of bones! And, with a right HOOK – THOCK! Skull on the ceiling!
SNORT… and an abject sense of horror! "YOU GUYS! Get out here! I think
that I just KILLED something!" Nadette runs in with the shadow – "I don't
know how we got separated! I turned around and you were gone! But then I
heard you yell!" "We got SEPARATED by YOU TWO running away and
leaving ME!" Tsillah, though, recognizes the bag of bones: "Mom? What the
heck?" "My fault! I was still in my Hades uniform!" Mom? "Didn't I tell you
girls? My mom will be helping on this mission." Mom gets herself together:
"Girls, I'm Thymbris! Sorry for startling you. That's a wicked right hook you
have there, babe! Your dad would be tickled proud! Not to worry, girls. I've
been on plenty of exploratory missions for MIB, and I haven't lost more than
two mortal paranormals under my watch!" How reassuring. "What live in the
shadows fear my daughter. And there are no such things as ghosts." Uh one
small problem: "Tell me we have a safety emergency plan, an escape thing
contingency! There are shadow things moving around in the next room, and I
have no idea what they are or what's causing them!" Now it's Thymbris' turn to
grab the other two girls in fear! "Oh crap! This is how that other mission went
south!" Atsali pries herself away from Thymbris' embrace to query Tsillah:
"What do you mean that you don't know what they are?" Tsillah's puzzled: "I
can't see how they wouldn't have seen me. But they don't react. Either they
don't care, or they couldn't see me. Now what?" 'Sali thinks: "There was a
signal detected by MIB at this location, and we find shadow figures about. If
they had signaled us, I would think that they would interact, positive or
negative. I'm guessing they can't see us." But why? She turns to face Tsillah: "I
need you to contact the Library and find out what the strata in this area are
made of. Find out if there are any underground waterways nearby. Do we have
any equipment to work with? Any special tools to investigate with? Your blank
expression tells me the answer might be 'no'." Tsillah was a bit distracted:
"Wha – Oh, I'm so sorry. I was being hypnotized by your chest. What do you
need from me?" At least she was honest. Tsillah tries to act adult as she escorts
her mom back to the library – but panic has set in with Nadette. "Wait! They're
leaving?" Atsali encourages her: "Nadette, we've got this! I'll need your night
vision. I can't see that well in the dark." That doesn't help Nadette: "I don't like
278.
the dark! Even if I can see in the dark! I told you, I don't like being scared, or
surprised, …or frightened…" "Nadette, we've got this. The last time I was here
I was out of my element. Not now! I'm gonna put my book smarts to work!
We've been given our problem. I have my background knowledge. I've formed
my hypothesis, now we'll put that to the test in an experiment!" She doesn't
notice that Nadette is swooning over her assertiveness as she marches onward.
Meanwhile, mother and daughter are in the library. "Okay, mom, I know where
I need to go, and it'll be faster if I go there myself. You wait here by the gate.
The girls may need you. I'll be right back. And don't touch anything. Just wait
for me to get back. No touching, okay?" Mom, sadly, is not apparently all there
– and the "DANGER DO NOT TOUCH SWITCHES" sign just happens to be
right there… BLAMMO! Wait – a sheep, a book, a toaster, and the kitchen
sink? Tsillah runs to find – a HUGE hole in the floor! "MOM!" But she's not in
the hole: "Up here, honey!" And the gate? "The library was mean! It tricked me
with mean switches!" (Thymbris isn't the brightest.) Tsillah realizes
something's up: "Having both of us go to a site, meeting others there, only to
have them stranded there for a while by themselves. I think this was on
purpose!" "Uh! That means, I was tricked into being tricked, to think I was
tricked, when the trick actually was a trick to trick me! Whoooa!" Tsillah
doesn't have enough hand nor face for this facepalm; It's obvious to her,
though, why this happened – The Library! "YOU USE PEOPLE! That's ALL
YOU DO! You USE them! Not for their talents, or to better themselves, but for
their WEAKNESSES! You let them trip and fall for your ends. Never trusting
them to work WITH you! And now you used my MOTHER just because she's
stupid!" Tsillah storms off. (beat) "You… you think I'm stupid, sweet pea?"]
Once And For All (2015-02-05) [Nadette really doesn't want them to split up –
and Atsali's in agreement. Nadette's got better vision than she does. "Have you
ever heard of the Stone Tape Theory? That bits of time, mostly during high
emotion or turmoil, can get recorded into the surroundings. I think the location
here made this an active site that may have recorded its population." "You
mean without turmoil, the walls recorded the people who once lived here? If
that's true, that would be a major discovery! Think of the knowledge recorded,
too!" Atsali realizes this. "If we determine we have a stone tape, you and I need
to destroy this place once and for all!" Nadette does NOT like the sound of
that: "This is a civilization that never wrote anything down! This could be the
only way to learn about them!" Atsali levels with Nadette: "This was the
civilization I had pass through me. They had discovered the secret of the
Chimera, and they wanted to use it. That information needs to stay lost. No one
should have that knowledge. (grabs Nadette by the arms) Unfortunately, I do,
and I'll do anything in my power to make sure that no one else ever does."
Nadette can't help herself – LIP LOCK! (Castela "caught in the dark" sketch)
Nadette pulls back – and sees all sorts of bodies, running at her – on fire! She
grabs Atsali, who doesn't see what the Seer does. "Oh my God! We have to run
to the stasis chambers! The World Grid has caused a volcano to erupt!"
"What're you talking about? There's no erupting volcano. That happened
thousands of years ago! (she looks back again) Nadette, wait. I see the
shadows. Are those ours or are they moving on their own?" "Noo!!! It's
happening right now! Can't you hear the city alarm? They said this might
happen! We tried to stop them! There had to be another way! (she tugs on
Atsali's arm) People are catching fire right behind you! We have to go now!!"
Atsali tries to bring her friend back to reality: "No no no! Nadette, look at my
eyes! Look at me! You're seeing something that happened in the past! We're
safe!" (A pause for Katsucon 2015!) Nadette's vision is speaking to her, even as
279.
Atsali is trying to calm her: You must – get – to the stasis chamber! "Nadette,
it's okay." RRRRUUUUUNNN (Flash!) The ursamorph wrenches her friend's
arm away and dashes off into the darkness. Down a corridor, to a door broken
open, she makes a mad dash into the chamber… where she sees someone in
stasis! The stasis tube, though, has seen better days; the opaque covering
appears cracked – and the figure inside doesn't look well, either. Just as she's
about to touch it: "NADETTE!" (Atsali?) SNARL! Angered Siren Mode! "Get
out of the way of that psychotic bitch! She needs to be dead!" Suddenly, fangs
flare: "Back off, Atsali! I will knock you on your ass if you don't stop and
listen to me! You don't understand the whole situation! The senator behind me
was more in favor of building new golems over building the World Grid to
protect the earth from the Elder Gods! But she didn't like either option! And
she sure as hell didn't know how to make golems. Besides, she's DEAD! The
stasis tubes weren't as stable as the stasis crystals." That stops Atsali in her
tracks. "Oh wow, that came out way more vicious than I ever intended. I'm
sorry. (She saunters back to the hallway.) All that aside, she knew her tube may
not work and had it rigged with an antimatter bomb in the event of her death or
if anyone tampered with it. That was the signal we got. Probably set for the Nu
Gui." WHAT? Commence RUNNING! Atsali can't fly them out of there, and
they can't outrun an antimatter bomb! "You couldn't even out-fly an antimatter
explosion! They advance geometrically! We'd be screwed either way!" No
positive angles exist – but" "We just need to be anywhere but near this complex
when that bomb goes off!" The door? It needs to be closed (protocol). Dead
end! What now? "Put your arm through those rungs! Have your back to the
wall! When I hit the release (which she does with her foot), things are going to
move quickly! And if we're gonna die, I'd rather be pressed against your boobs,
and not your back!" And with a flash of light – BA-LAAAM! The anti-matter
explosion takes out the rest of the Mapimi complex – but in the distance,
entrails from something, shooting into the atmosphere. A rocket! With two
girls hanging on for dear life on the side! Suddenly, the second stage snaps
away from the first, and the two girls are forcibly ejected from the rocket! As
the upper stage twirls off into the sky, Atsali suddenly realizes something: "I
don't remember if I'm wearing the Talisman! I'll have to change all or nothing!
This may be violent!" Nadette is holding on for dear life – and suddenly gets a
Lydia special to the chin! Unfortunately, Atsali's not having any fun as her
clothing Hulks away. With an embarrassed look, the Siren flies off: "Nadette,
when we get back, we won't talk about this part, okay?" The "full body suit"
she's "wearing" giggles in response: "I promise."]
More Complicated Than That (2015-03-02) [Atsali and Nadette survey the
damage – one big glowing hole left in the ground! "It looks like a lake of lava
through all the steam!" Just the right amount of antimatter to destroy the
complex. "This was a calculated destruction, like a broom to footprints!"
Nadette sees something coming up from the rear (literally) – Grandma's caught
up with them. "She looks pissed!" "WHAT IN THE NAME OF #### DID
YOU TWO DO TO GET NORAD INVOLVED?!!!" The chewing out
commences: "Which part of 'wait for the ####ing car' was not clear for you?!
Geezus Christ! I know CATS who listen better than you! (In her face) Do you
have any idea how DANGEROUS that stunt was? And what would I be left ot
tell your mom if you had been killed?!! And did you even stop and think about
how I…" She stopped and thought – and she hugged her granddaughter tight.
After a moment, Lily looks down at the mess. A hole where the complex used
to be – and that missile thing? "I'm not really sure. I thought that I knew what
was going on, but…" A voice pops – or is that "bounces"? – up: "Actually, Sali
had a hypothesis based on the Stone Tape, and I was able to glean info from
that. There was a faction that felt the World Grid was too dangerous to build,
and also didn't trust the building of golems. And they…" WTF? "Heh! That's,
uuh, communicator thingy! From the Library!" (MMPH!) Her chest gave
things away – as did the sudden "chest cold" with a sneeze by Nadette. "Do
you have a tiny paranormal friend hiding in your cleavage?" Just as Atsali is
trying to explain, Nadette comes clean. "Sali and I had to escape an antimatter
explosion, rode a rocked, and Sali couldn't remember if she was wearing a
talisman or not." "Meanwhile, you get to jump to the rescue as a cat suit, and
feel my granddaughter up with your whole body." The catsuit suddenly turns a
few shades of red: "Uh, I don't know what you're talking about." Both
underage, both under her care. "First you both ran off, now… THIS!" It was a
dire emergency! "We had to get out of the complex quickly, and the gate was
too far. I knew about the rockets from a vision." "So why did Atsali have to
destroy her clothes just for wings?" Atsali pipes up: "Oh, I know this one.
Nadette gave me a talisman that made me not able to change form unless I go
all or nothing. Not even my stretchy undies can handle that size shift!" (Not
helping.) Back home, Grandma debriefs Momma Kath as a – clueless?
Uncertain? – Atsali looks on: "She managed to ditch MIB, identify the
problem, collect data, neutralize a threat, in a manner of speaking, and bug out
with zero personal collateral." "Yeah, I'm not a good example for her. But she
didn't hurt anyone, right?" "She didn't directly set out to hurt anyone. I think it's
much more complicated than that…" Somewhere else in the Twin Cities, an
ursamorph is crying. Time for Mom to query her daughter. "So, talk to me. No
BS. What happened today?" She started to explain about the blow-up and
destroying the complex, but mom stops her: "I'm talking about you and
Nadette." "It's nothing! We're just friends! Grandma Lily thinks that Nadette is
interested in me, or something, and may be taking advantage of our friendship.
In fact, Nadette is helping me ask this boy out. She's a seer and she knew that
this talisman would help me not morph in public. She couldn't have known I'd
need to fly to save us!" Blank look from momma earns a "What?" from Atsali.
Even more oblivious than Kath was at her age. "Look, I know you see Nadette
as just a friend. From what you've said, I think she has much stronger feelings
for you than just friendship. More than you know. I know from my parenting
classes that sirens and incubi perceive attraction differently, and that you can
shrug things off easier than most. But you need to trust me on this. Please be
careful with her." Suddenly, Castela charges in: "Mama! There- there was a-a
boy on the phone! He-he was callin' for Atsali!" (And a pause for Castela to do
Atsali's hair…) WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM? "Well, I – I asked him if he
was the – the guy you wrote about in your diary, an' – an' he said, he wasn't
sure." Angry Siren Alert! "You annoying little STINK WEED!" A stink weed
that has learned how to jump when her sister pounces! "WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU?" Castela was just playing: "He just left a message on the – the
answering-sheen! I's jus messin' wit ya!" She hugs her confused sister: "You
need to stop getting so upset about tho – those boys! They act silly, and they
smell funny. Quit being so – so bent about everything!" And TRUE
OBJECTIVE: ACHIEVED – "CLEAVAGE COOKIES!" That night, Castela
tells Atsali something before she goes to bed: "You – you smelled like happy
and sad before supper. I – I was – was wa – worried. Th – the girl at the or – or
– orphanage smelled like that her last night. But – but after you showered, I
didn't smell that anymore. Must've been sumthing on your clothes." Atsali is
stunned – but why? Meanwhile, in a log-cabin home elsewhere in Minnesota,
Berdine is trying to get the scoop about Nadette's rough day. "What happened?
280.
I'm going to worry about you more if you don't talk." Nadette lays it out:
"Today I was witness to a phenomenon that recorded the terror of the last
moments of a dying city, then experienced it all from one of the dead citizens,
nearly escaped an antimatter bomb, then had my heart broken." "Oh, sweetie!
You had your heart broken? That's terrible!!" (Priorities, of course.) Nadette
points out that just because Atsali's a siren, she's not likely to do "anything out
of malice. She's book-smart but as oblivious as they come. She might not really
comprehend how you feel about her." Nadette agrees: "She'd never
intentionally hurt anyone. It's just, I have such strong feelings for her. I know
the feelings are real. I can't just toss those aside!" She'd asked for help – does
that make her knowing that her and Jacob won't last a bad thing? She noticed
something else, though: Jacob "would be the path that would lead to her
happiness. But I can't see more than that. It's like something is blocking any
more than that. Maybe something from her past…" Flash back to the
orphanage, where Atsali has made a very grisly discovery: "MR MEADOWS!
Mr. Meadows, come quick!" Upon returning with the director, Castela is
unknowingly "playing" with the swinging girl: "We – we swing inside!" NO!
"No, Pickle, we – I'll read you a book. Would like that. Let's go downstairs."
Mr. Meadows, though, dealt with the reality – a demon-horned girl had hung
herself. Back to the present: Atsali is on her cell – not expecting Berdine to
pick up. "Hey there, Berdine. Uh, is everything okay? I mean, is Nadette okay?
I, uh – I think I screwed up bad somehow. Actually, I'm not sure if I did or
didn't. But I think that I did! You see, I don't mean to be the way I am all the
time. I mean, if I hurt someone, I don't mean to! I – I guess I'm saying, I know
that I can be oblivious, but I'm not really aware when I'm doing it. And I don't
want anyone to think I don't care." Message received: "We're okay, sweetie.
Both of us are. Yes, Dette had a big day, but she's good. (pause) Yes, I'll stay
with her tonight. (pause) No, we don't hate you, sweetie! Don't think that way!
Thank you for calling to check. (Nadette is feeling loved in the background.)
We'll see you on Monday. Promise!" Atsali's voice drops as she replies –
holding a photo of a certain demon girl: "I'll see you two too. Promise!"]
Asking For It (2015-03-25)[The next morning at Mucho Mocha, Atsali's asking
for advice from her mentor – Jin. "I just don't know how good of a role model I
am. I hope you're not expecting me to be some kind of guru, dispensing
wisdom like a gum ball machine!" She is a role model, though – at least to
Atsali. And the problem is presented: "I'm so oblivious to some things around
me, hurting others as collateral. You've woven people's lives together." Of
course, Jin points out the Groundhog's Day ("DON'T SAY THAT!") nature of
her "weaving"… "And being oblivious, and being half siren, and half incubus
is bad enough. I mean the way others prejudge me, and such… And me being
an oblivious girl who's just turned 16, and looking like a twenty-sumthin'
lingerie model!" "Sweetie, I don't have all the answers, but that last one is the
subtle art of everyone else can go #### themselves!" That may work for Jin,
but Atsali's lacking in that kind of confidence. Her body kinda got forced on
her – something she never wanted in the first place. "I'm an awkward
bookworm, and people assume that I'm a slut just because of how I'm shaped!
Not even how I'm dressed! Just because of the size of my jugs! And I can't hide
them!" Jin points out the obvious: "You shouldn't let others reduce you to your
body parts." Sexualizing a 16-year-old girl isn't her fault, it's their fault! Atsali
gets up, leans forward, gives her aunt a full-on cleavage view: "Okay, let's do
an experiment. You tell me all that you just said, with a straight face, and
looking me in the eyes. Aaaaand… Go!" Jin obviously fails – which Atsali
knew would happen. "I can't even get straight women to look me in the eye
even if I'm wearing a turtleneck!" Story time: She went to a pool with Castela,
right after her "blossoming". She was wearing a high top one piece (not one
she's worn previously in-strip), and shorts. "Other girls my age were there in
tiny string bikinis. One of the moms there went and complained to the lifeguard
that I was 'showing too much'! My arms and legs from the mid-calf were all
that were showing! Other girls had their butts hanging out and under-boobs
going on. I was told to cover up, or leave, because I was too suggestive!" Jin
senses bull hockey: "Your body shape alone should never label you as sexual.
Hell, you should've been able to wear a string bikini without being labeled
sexual." She knows those moms were full of it – bologna or horse droppings,
it's semantics. "I know it's not right. I want to know how to deal with that
stuff!" Answer's easy, execution is hard. "It's all about your self confidence.
How you carry yourself, and what you let and not let bother you. Things can
get the better of any of us, but a quick qit and positive attitude can go far."
Atsali shoots for sarcasm – "I know, I'll show everyone how I can carry around
a coffee cup when my hands are full!" Sarcasm doesn't suit her at all. But
what's Atsali supposed to do? "You just tell me that I need more confidence!"
Fair enough: "I will be your mentor. I will do my best to teach you what I
know, and help you build yourself up." Jin closes her eyes and pictures the
scene: the Para Resort Pool, right? "I want you and Castela to meet me there
next weekend. And you must wear something you would wear to the Island.
Otherwise, no deal!" And, as her mentor, she will always have her best interest
at heart. (SPANK!) "But as your aunt, I'll still do #### to keep you on your
toes!" Afterward, Jin commiserates with Bud over her "mentor" role – it took
her everything not to tell Atsali she's nuts. "I'm probably goin' to mess this poor
girl up worse than me!" Bud doesn't buy it – and suggests maybe she should
compare notes with Monica. This gets a mock "Won't someone think of the
children?!" from Jin. Why in the world anyone would think she could be a
mentor, she doesn't know: "I just wish I could, you know, flip a switch on her,
and…" (blank space, maybe?) "Make her believe in herself?" YES! "Yeeeah, I
know that feeling well." (Castela's a little late with April Fool's Day.) Atsali
approaches mom as Kath is shutting down her computer for the night. "Did you
ever get, …um, picked on, or – Or singled out?" Kath thinks this is about other
kids: "Kids can be some of the meanest people some times." No – this is about
something with adults, too. Kath thinks: "I was born with large tonsils, and my
adenoids were huge. As a kid, whenever I breathed, I made loud noises. People
said mean things about me. It was hard to breathe, and I snored even when I
was awake." Atsali gets to the heart of it: "People are writing me off as
something sexual, just because of my big boobs!" Kath unintentionally apes
what Jin said – "You're just a kid! How your body looks shouldn't dictate if
you're sexual!" "NO $#!+, MOM! I don't need sympathy, I need ANSWERS!!"
Atsali's claws are about to come out – but NEVER underestimate the power of
mom: "Now listen here, young lady! As your mother, and under the law of
Ninhursag, you will be still and you will listen, or I will ground you until
you're BLUE!" (Oh, so that's where she gets her power…) Something
happened – but Kath needs to know what it is. Atsali explains about the Para
Pool incident. She had on a racing one piece (think Olympic swimmers), and
board shorts. "One of the moms complained to the pool staff! She said I was
'showing too much', that it's a family pool with kids present." Of course, she
conveniently ignored the tiny string bikinis and underboobage of other girls.
The pool staff still "made me leave just because of the size of my boobs!"
That's not only humiliating, but Kath has no idea how to make it right. And
what's worse – people telling Atsali that "other women would kill for boobs
281.
like mine." Later, Castela wanders in – she heard her talking to mama. "You
were talking loud! You – you weren't ang-rie at mama, were you? You're not
mad?" She figured it might be about the Para Pool: "The – the – the place they
tole us to leave, 'cause they didn't like your suit? Are we goin' back?! They –
they won't make us leave again, will they?" Atsali comforts her: "I wasn't angry
at mom, it's okay. And we'll be meeting Aunt Jin at the pool. She'll have our
backs." Meanwhile, Jin needs Alan to help her decide if she's "being too subtle,
or not!" Alan channels his inner Inigo Montoya – even as he says "I'll be right
there." Back at Casa Gilchrist: Castela tells her Corn Princes about how well
she's done in school – she held human form all day! "May – maybe I can go to
a human pool someday! I – I – I wonder if any other girls wish they could like
– like normal human girls?" Little does she know, in her sister's bedroom…]
The Best Coffee Ever (2015-04-13)[Stheno is wondering why she's there – her
sister Euryale is pointing out how insightful and fun it'll be! "You rah-member
wut fun iz, don'cha?" Stheno's definition of fun is not the same as her little
sisters. Euryale has to nearly shove Stheno inside, and up to the counter – "I'm
going, okay! I'm only doing this for you. I've killed others over less!" And this
insightful and fun thing? "Ooooh! Greek coffee, brewed in a copper briki!
You're in luck, I have a Turkish rug dealer next door who loves the same
thing!" Stheno's floored, but Euryale's laughing it up how Tina got her sis
pegged! Stheno broods, even as Euryale teases her about Tina. "It's already
starting. I can feel it. Most insidious and…" "Them's fightin' words, if'n you
add, 'Let's fight' on to the end uf 'em!" There's not a vile bone in Tina's body.
She's more obliged to leaving folks happier than she found them in the first
place. "No, you don't get it! I was blissfully happy with my routine, and how I
made my own coffee! But now you bring me before a goddess of coffee, and
nothing will ever be the same again!" So – meet you here tomorrow? YES!
Stheno walks away, contemplating her coffee – when she runs into…
"LILITH?!" THIS sets her to giggles! "### ######! She has the Best Coffee
Ever, okay? #### you!" Outside the shop, Berdine meets up with Atsali and
Cricket – "How's your spring break been so far?" Atsali unconsciously hugs
herself – she keeps thinking about what happened with Nadette. Cricket's
trying to help, but… "I suck!" "You don't suck! What're you and Cricket up to
today?" "I'm teachin' Jugs here the fine art of lying low and slipping under the
radar!" Dressing down, nothing fancy with hair and no makeup. "What could
possibly go wrong?" Berdine sees the flaw: "I could see this setting a new
fashion trend for the school, setting up Atsali as a trailblazer, and people
idolizing her more!" "BRUSSEL SPROUTS! I'm going back to bed, and when
I wake up, I'll shave my head and join a convent!" (We end with a reprise: TRex Fight!)]