Purim 2010 Kol Kehilah - Adath Israel Congregation

5770 — Purim — 2010
MISSION STATEMENT for PURIM
Adath Israel is a Kehilah Kedoshah, a
Conservative Jewish Community, that
supports congregants during
significant life events worth gossiping
about or throwing a party for, and in
their journeys to become more
passive, apathetic, and spirituallymisdirected Jews.
THE 18 CORE VALUES OF ADATH
ISRAEL CONGREGATION @ PURIM
SHEMA YISRAEL—Believing in and
loving G-d, who wants us to have fun.
MITZVAH V’HALAKHAH—Occasionally
remembering the standards,
observances and values of
Conservative Judaism
RANDOM HASADIM—Unpredictably
doing good deeds and acts of kindness
TZEDAKAH—Endeavoring to live
righteous lives of caring and giving
even though that is SO unlikely
KELAL YISRAEL—Contributing to the
future of the Jewish people we see in
the mirror
YISRAEL—Appreciating the centrality
of Israel when we can find it on a map
TIKKUN OLAM—Making our world—or
at least our own home—a better place
TALMUD TORAH—Lifelong Jewish
learning of the best Jewish jokes
KEDUSHAH—Recognizing the holiness
of creation from our SUVs and sedans
KAVOD—Treating every person with
respect—at least to his/her face
RUHANIYUT—Building spiritual and
religious lives and IKEA furniture
TEFILAH—Developing devotional inner
lives dedicated to unraveling Lost.
SHABBAT VEYOM TOV—Living by the
Jewish calendar, particularly because
of the extra holidays!
LEDOR VADOR—Fun for all ages
TEMIHAH—Financially supporting the
Kol Kehilah editor’s amusement
ANTI-HISHTATFUT—Participating in as
little as possible
MEMSHALAH—Members nit-pickingly
governing our congregation
SHALOM—Pursuing peace, especially
when making fun of ourselves
Friends,
Kathy, Ora, Shalva, Tehila, Molly, Shoshi, and I
are looking forward to an excellent Pesach
season. As usual, we will be asking you to
describe your guest rooms and accommodations
to Marilyn—pictures are helpful—so that we can
decide where it would be best to spend the eight days of this
wonderful holiday. We certainly aren’t going to clean all the
hametz out of our home, but we know how important this
mitzvah is to all of you! We look forward to sharing your home
with you, though the more private the accommodations, the
better.
Just because we hope to only stay in one home during the
festival doesn’t mean we can’t visit with many more of you!
Please drop off your planned menus for Pesach—seders and
other meals—at the synagogue office by March 15th.
Depending on what you are serving and how well we like you,
we will decide where we are eating and when. Marilyn will let
you know when to expect us, at least two hours in advance.
Being thoughtful to our friends and congregants is especially
important this time of year, as it is always.
This year, may you enter the Pesach holiday with only the
burdens of our ancestors. Should there be anything else
troubling you, please do not hesitate to write your problems
down in a letter and mail them to Dr. Phil. I hear he’s very
good.
Wishing you a pleasant Ides of March,
Reb Irv
(Rabbi Irvin M. Wise)
Dear Friends,
Purim always brings a lot of anxiety. What to wear?
This year, the pressure is a bit more serious—after all, I’m the synagogue president.
Which direction should I lead the congregation? How much is too much? More important:
how little is too little? How much can I drink before I fall off my chair on the bimah? Is the
synagogue apartment available for an Executive Committee slumber party? How many can it accommodate? As
you can see, my concerns are numerous.
This year, I hope you’ll all join us at the Purim party and see how many Hamentashen you can
fit in YOUR mouth. I’m up to four at the time of this writing, but I’m hoping for five by the
time of the party. Meanwhile, if you haven’t had a chance to meet our synagogue
administrator, Bruce Ente, I know he’s been practicing for Purim himself, when he’s not
building a monument to paper on his desk.
Don’t bother making an
appointment to meet with
him—Bruce loves to be surprised, and often
is—by congregants’ requests.
Penny (Pensack)
Synagogue President
Bruce Ente works hard
on your behalf.
RABBINIC TAILGATING—
TAILGATING—RETREAT!!
As many of you know, Rabbi and Kathy Wise
went on a “Rabbinic Retreat” over the weekend
of February 6 & 7, 2010. Yes, it was Super Bowl
weekend, and yes, Rabbi & Kathy were headed
to Miami, but no one would doubt our beloved
Rabbi’s retreat story. Until now.
These photos were sent to the Kol Kehilah staff
by an anonymous congregant source who was
visiting Miami. It was the Colts’ Hawaiian camp
shirt sitting on a chair near an inflatable football
player that first caught our source’s eye. And
then, there was Kathy Wise plain as day with a
cold one, standing next to her #1 tailgater:
Rabbi Wise.
Later, our VEGETARIAN Rabbi was seen
preparing the ultimate tailgaters’ feast: wings—
and ribs. So, if you’ve ever wondered what
happens on a Rabbinic retreat, now you know.
Getting Ready for the High Holy Days
The Choir Director and the High Holy Day choir rehearsing
Rabbi and Alan strategize
Top 10 5770 Purim Costumes
10.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4.
3.
2.
1.
Jersey Shore: Tan and lots (LOTS!) of hair gel and as trashy as possible
Srugim Character: No costume
Conan Obrien: Redhead wig and pink slip
Shawn White: Redhead wig and gold medal
No Country for Old Men: You might not need to add anything!
Inglorious Basterd: Bloody Baseball bat or tattooed forehead
Lady Gaga: anything involving bubble wrap and/or poker face
Avatar: Lots (LOTS!) of (blue) skin
Healthcare bill: shredded pieces of paper
T-shirt: “This is my Purim Costume.”
BEFORE
USY’ers do Purim face-painting, but
their aim is off a little, courtesy of
Brotherhood bartenders!
AFTER
I don’t know what to say—for once! The day started like any other, and then one by one, I noticed
that the staff in the religious school began to sprout ears. The next thing I knew, we were all
fighting for our share of the Cadbury Easter basket. Of course, Marlene won in the end—probably
because of her candy experience in the canteen—but not before Hillary challenged Mikey to a
Guitar Hero showdown and Dara threatened my inflatable frog. I don’t know what came over us.
In the end, there are no words except: Happy Easter Purim.
L’shalom,
Sharon (Wasserberg)
Director of Education
Which came first, the Easter bunny or the egg?
The BiBi-Annual Rabbinic Hunting Trip!
Get ready for another deer (and beer!) filled trip to the beautiful
countryside with Rabbi and Kathy Wise.
Bring your best game (!) and be ready to share quality quiet time with
your fellow congregants. Trip fee includes truck parking, ammunition,
grilling station, animal tie, and the famous Kathy Wise S’mores!
RSVP in the synagogue office by Purim!
We Don’t Pay our Support Staff Very
Much, but They Don’t Seem to Mind...
Ever wondered what’s happening behind the closed door leading to the Accounting Office? Now you know! I guess we
know why Denise and Kathy are always smiling, too.
Daniel Bogard’s Shabbat morning
class will focus on biblical
horticulture. Stop by Daniel’s office
to see what he has learned about
plant care!
While the Rabbi is away on another hunting trip, Susan and Marilyn get the giggles
from smoking those “funny cigarettes” on Rabbi’s couch.
Photos from Mr. Weiner’s Annual Performance Evaluation
Now we know
why bar and
bat mitzvah
celebrants
thank Alan
Weiner so
profusely at
Shabbat
services—
fear!
No, Mr. Weiner, we haven’t heard of the special comic book trope!
M —Th 7:00 a.m. & 7:00 p.m.
F 7:00 a.m. & see below
Saturdays 9:00 a.m. & see below
Sundays 9:00 a.m., 10:15 a.m., 11:30 a.m., & 5:30 p.m.
PURIM 2010
SUNDAY
MONDAY
41
TUESDAY
52
Open Mic Night
Teaching at the
Shul—bring your
favorite
controversial
topic!
47
58
69
Should we have
religious school
today?
Roping the Rabbi
(wear your
cowboy hats!)
12:00 p.m.
Bring your cats
to shul!
54
WEDNESDAY
85
Tambourine with
Tim—go on a
tour of the
facility with
Tim, playing the
tambourine all
the way!
5:30 p.m.
Beer & Bible—
in your own
recliner
9:30 p.m.
Beer & Babble
5:30 p.m.
Shabbat Party!
70
81
92
43
12:00 p.m.
Catering
Committee
meets at
Skyline Chili
7:30 p.m.
School Board
Meeting—Bring
the kids! We
don’t need to
get anything
done!
6:00 p.m.
Minhah/Shabbat
10:30 a.m.
(sleep in!)
Shabbat morning
98
49
50
6:00 p.m.
Friday Night
Live (or is it
Memorex?)
Rabbinic
Hunting Trip
56
67
6:00 p.m.
Minhah/Shabbat
WHATEVER
(Design Your
own Shabbat)
76
87
HAZAK Dance
Party Revolution
competition
7:30 p.m.
Women’s Rosh
Hodesh—Skinny
Dipping in the
Ohio!
7:30 p.m.
Officers’
Meeting
(Surprise coup
planned. Shhh!)
72
83
94
IGOR’S
SOUP KITCHEN
12:00 p.m.
Storytime for
Adults
12:00 p.m.
Interrogate the
Rabbi
7:30 p.m.
Synagogue
Board Meeting—
Anyone who
shows up gets
to vote tonight!
89
90
91
12:00 p.m.
Communications
Committee—if
anyone is still
talking to
anyone else!
SATURDAY
74
61
78
FRIDAY
63
65
BYOV (Bring
Your Own
Vodka for the
soup!)
THURSDAY
45
96
Shabbat
Canceled—BIG
SALE AT
KENWOOD
MALL!
6:30 p.m.
Minhah
7:00 p.m.
Minhah
Tobey Samet heats up the
Education Center lobby!
Watch out, Sam!
Gail Hoffman practices for
her new job—mashgiach at
Jack-in-the-Box restaurant!
ALAN WEINER SCRABBLE FUND
IHO ANNIVERSARY by Cherri and Harry Pitts, IHO IMO
ADAM BAUM by X. Benedict, IHO MR. & MRS. WOODY
FORREST – anniversary by May Ann Naze, IHO ALI KATT –
birthday by Dr. & Mrs. Norman Mailer, IHO DR. & MRS. E.
VILLE – Tom & Jerry’s engagement by Dr. & Mrs. Looney
BORED OF TRUSTEES FUND
IMO IMA HOGG by Mr. & Mrs. Frank Bonebreak, Dr. & Mrs.
Pat Downe, IMO IONA FORD by Sheila Blige, Pearl E. Gates
& Pearl E. Whites
BROTHERHOOD PENNY ANTE FUND
IMO FANNY O’REAR by Mr. & Mrs. D. Liver, IMO GAYE
JOLLY by Mr. & Mrs. D. Liver, Mr. & Mrs. Coyne Flatt, IMO
DUSTY RHODES by Mr. & Mrs. Coyne Flatt, IMO HOLLY
MCRELL by Mr. & Mrs. D. Liver, IMO HY BALL by Mr. & Mrs.
D. Liver, IMO IMA HOGG by Mr. & Mrs. D. Liver
DENISE SANDERS ABACUS EDUCATION FUND
IMO DUSTY RHODES by Snugglepuss family, IMO HOLLY
MCRELL by Snugglepuss family, IMO IMA HOGG by
Snugglepuss family, Dr. & Mrs. Bagah Lah, IMO GAYE
JOLLY by Mr. & Mrs. Doug Hole & Grassy, IMO HOLLY
McRELL by Mr. & Mrs. Dick Tator, IMO HY BALL by Spitz
Fahr, IMO IMA HOGG by Mr. & Mrs. Doug Hole, IMO CAMPY
RAMAH by Fud Byer
KATHY’S TRAIL MIX FUND
IHO MR. & MRS. JORDAN RIVERS – Spot’s bark mitzvah by
Mr. & Mrs. Jim Shorts, IHO JACK TUPP – induction into the
Greater Cincinnati Jewish Senior Hall of Fame by Mr. &
Mrs. Jim Shorts, IHO MR. & MRS. I R NEE – birth of
granddaughter by Mr. & Mrs. Jim Shorts
MEMBERS’ SHIP COMMITTEE FUND FOR DINNER CRUISES
IHO MR. & MRS. BRAND AHORSE – birth of son, Levi by Mr.
& Mrs. Daniel Ochstein, IMO GAYE JOLLY by Rita Katz, Mr.
& Mrs. Daniel Ochstein, IMO DUSTY RHODES by Laverne
Hiudt, IMO IVY LEAGE by Laverne Hiudt & family, Mr. &
Mrs. Kandi Apple
MINYAN SPEED-DAVENING FUND
IMO HOLLY MCRELL by Mr. & Mrs. Jim Shorts, IMO GLADYS
YU by Rory Storm, IMO GAYE JOLLY by Mr. & Mrs. Hy
Marx, IMO HOLLY MCRELL by Mr. & Mrs. Les Moore, Mr. &
Mrs. Hy Marx, IMO IMA HOGG by Mr. & Mrs. Hy Marx, IMO
IONA FORD by Mr. & Mrs. Hy Marx
PENNY’s PENNY ANTE FUND
IHO PRINCESS QUEENE – opening of King Queene Board
Room by Mr. & Mrs. Lewis N. Clark, IMO GAYE JOLLY by
Mr. & Mrs. Lewis N. Clark, IMO DUSTY RHODES by Mr. &
Mrs. Kandi Apple, IMO LAURA NORDER by Mr. & Mrs. Lewis
N. Clark, IMA HOGG by Mr. & Mrs. Les Plak, DDS
RABBI’S SINGLE MALT SCOTCH FUND
IHO ALI KATT – birthday by Mr. & Mrs. Kenny Penny, IMO
LAKE SPEED by Iona Honda, IMO GAYE JOLLY by Mr. & Mrs.
Kerry Oki, Mr. & Mrs. Luke Warm, IMO DUSTY RHODES by
Mr. & Mrs. Kerry Oki, IMO LOU POLE by Dr. Mark Skid &
Lisa Carr, IMO M. BALMER by Mr. & Mrs. Kandi Apple, IMO
IVY LEAGE by Mr. & Mrs. Kerry Oki, IMO MONA LOTT by Dr.
& Mrs. Max Power, IMO HOLLY MCRELL by Mr. & Mrs.
Kenny Penny, IMO HY BALL by Lisa Carr & Snow White
SEND-A (THE?)-RABBI TO ISRAEL FUND
IMO SONNY DAY by Sauce family, IMO SHANDA LEAR by
Sue Flay, IMO PAIGE TURNER by Mr. & Mrs. Missdiss Mark,
IMO HY BALL by Ray Zenns, Mr. & Mrs. Peg Legge, Phil
Bowles, Sandy Beach, Penny Nichols, Mr. & Mrs. Jaime
Jacobs, Pearl E. Gates & Pearl E. Whites, Likes Katz, Mr.
& Mrs. Missdiss Mark, Rip Torn, Meatloaf, Rock Pounder,
Marsha Mellow & Marty Graw
SERMON SLEEPING AID FUND
IIHO MR. & MRS. REID ENRIGHT – Tara’s bat mitzvah by
Mr. & Mrs. Pierce Hart, IMO DUSTY RHODES by Dr. & Mrs.
Tad Moore, IMO HOLLY MCRELL by Mr. & Mrs. Pierce Hart,
Dr. & Mrs. Tad Moore
SHARON WASSERBERG CHILDCARE FUND
IMO LOU POLE by Dr. & Mrs. Pat Downe, Dr. & Mrs. Philip
Zaacks, IMO RITA GOLDHOFF by Mr. & Mrs. Missdiss Mark,
IMO KEN HIUDT by Mr. & Mrs. Cliff Mountain
TARA’S CRAZY CAT LADY FUND
IHO MR. & MRS. STANLEY CUPP – birth of Chester by Pearl
E. Gates & Pearl E. Whites, IHO DR. & MRS. PEPE RONI –
birth of granddaughters by Dr. & Mrs. Pat Downe, IHO
PEARL BUTTON – Special Award by Mr. & Mrs. Cornon
Cobb,
TP FUND (TIM PATTON, SILLY!)
IHO MR. & MRS. JORDAN RIVERS – Jaime’ bar mitzvah by
Pearl E. Gates & Pearl E. Whites, Robin Banks, Dr. & Mrs.
Henry Winkler, IHO JAIME LEATHERBOTTOM – bar mitzvah
by Dr. Orafice, IHO RUTH CHOPP – speedy recovery by
Pearl E. Gates & Pearl E. Whites,
PLEASE NOTE:
Contributions in this
newsletter are not real. It’s the
Purim edition!
Feel free to contribute real
money, though.
It’s easy to make
a contribution to
any Adath Israel
fund. Just send a
stack of small,
unmarked bills in
a plain brown
envelope c/o
Kathy Haas
NEW MARCH ADULT STUDIES CLASS!
Jewish with Feeling
presented by Rabbi Irvin Wise
Sundays: March 14, 21 & 28
Time: 7:30 p.m.
Tuition: $35 (maximum of 500 students—we’re serious this time!)
Rabbi Wise, once again, gives us his undivided attention and wisdom. But this time, we’re not going to get
arrested with our enthusiasm for Jewish learning! Up to 500 orderly students will spend time in our favorite
way—studying the texts and practices that infuse our lives with rich, Jewish tradition. Not everyone can be
accommodated, but everyone can lead a rich, Jewish life. You just can’t all do it here. There can be no
tailgating in the parking lot before the Adult
Studies classes!
NOTE FROM BRUCE ENTE:
As you are undoubtedly aware, the
overwhelming response to our Adult Studies
classes has required that we now offer a firstcome, first-served basis in the main sanctuary.
Your RSVP does not guarantee you a place in
the class.
At the door, the Amberley Village police will
issue numbered wristbands to all registered
students, but we will not be able to take you
all. Please line up in an orderly fashion no
earlier than two hours before the first
scheduled class. We do not want a repeat
of the Conservative Judaism Today riots!
Adath Israelites arrested during Adult Studies riot.
All events canceled until
the final season of Lost is
over!
Bruce finalizes his budget presentation: 2+2=7.
Annual deficit easily solved!
Until then, Tikkun Olam!
Yay!
NON-PROFIT
U.S. POSTAGE
PAID
CINCINNATI, OH
PERMIT # 4403
CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED
3201 E. Galbraith Rd
Cincinnati OH 45236
STAFF & MASCOTS OF ADATH ISRAEL CONGREGATION
Candlelighting Times
March 5
6:16 pm
March 12
5:23 pm
March 19
5:30 pm
March 26
3:37 pm
Kabbalat Shabbat Times
8:32 pm
March 5
March 12
4:20 pm
March 19
6:13 pm
March 26
10:00 pm
Women’s League of Conservative
Judaism Luge Times
March 6
2:08:14
March 13
2:08:13
March 20
2:10:02
March 27
2:11:17
Irvin M. Wise-ext. 114
The Big Boss
Penny Pensak
La Presidenta
Bruce “Dot” Ente-ext. 115
Punishment Administrator
Socks Clinton
Former First Cat
Sharon Wasserberg-ext. 123
Director of Chitlins
Syd Scherner de la Fuente
Favorite Black Cat
Alan Weiner-ext. 107
Ritual Dude
A’nan Wasserberg
Handsome Cat
Hillary Hirsch-ext. 103
Dir. of Angsty Tweens & Teens
Tofi Wasserberg
Waddle Cat
Daniel S. Bogard -ext. 129
Pre-Rabbinic Dude
Molly Maleh
Not-so-Maleh Cat
Kathy Haas-ext. 106
She Who Must Be Obeyed
Shoshi the Soft
Tabletop Cat
Office Phone Number
Call (513) 793-1800 between
9:05 a.m. and 9:10 a.m.; other
times please leave a message
Ellie Hoffman
Most Likely to Succeed
_________________________
Tara Scherner de la Fuente
Kol Kehilah Deadline Enforcer
taratirzah@gmail.com