P a RLONS - ULIP Students` Union

Pa RLONS
A University of London Institute in Paris Students’ Union Publication
December 2013
1
CONTRIBUTORS
Jessica Holmes
Benjamin Wright
Cameron McColl
Alice Matthews
Kate Goodbody
Imogen Smith
Erica Burnham
Hazel Hurst
Katherine Worley
James Kelly
Catriona MacLeod
EDITORIAL
Sophie Small
Rosie Gillard
Calum Paramor
This edition © 2013 Parlons
Email to: parlons@london.ac.uk
2
CONTENTS
Editorial
4
Presidential Hello
5
The Twelve Days of Metro
6
Driving Home for Christmas
10
Musical Musings
12
15 Reasons to Live in the 15th
14
Christmas Feast
16
Line 13, Part 2
22
Christmas time in the Laverie
23
How To Do Christmas
25
Tales of a Barista
29
Sophie Loves 90s Garage
32
Erica’s Corner
34
Dear RATP…
35
Interview With a Lecturer
36
Crossword
40
Entre Guillemets
42
3
EDITORIAL
The countdown has officially begun.
Here at Parlons HQ, we’re roasting
chestnuts over an open fire, scoffing
mince pies and gulping down mulled
wine. But we understand that the run
up to Christmas is not always fun
and frolicks for an undergraduate.
Essays and exam stress have been
gradually piling up, and the thought
that you are HALF WAY
THROUGH the year is forever
looming over you. Sometimes the
festive cheer gets brushed aside in
favour of your Bescherelle guide to
French grammar, or a stack of
JSTOR PDF print outs. Do not fear.
Parlons is here to ignite that
Christmas flame within you, with a
stack of festive offerings in our
infamous shiny format.
As always a massive thank you goes
to all contributors. This publication
cannot function without your input,
so everything from your Entre
Guillemets contributions to your
finest fictional offering is deeply
appreciated. We hope you enjoy
reading this edition when you are
back on English soil indulging in a
tin of Quality Street. Remember: do
not put wrappers back in the tin and
strawberry creams are severely
underrated.
T’is the season to be jolly, and all
Parlons wants for Christmas is you.
Merry Christmas and a very Happy
New Year from us to you, lovely
ULIP.
Parlons loves you.
4
Rosie Gillard
Calum Paramor
Sophie Small
PRESIDENTIAL
HELLO
ULIP SU’s President, Benjamin Wright,
takes time out of his busy schedule to do
his thing for Parlons.
I hope by the time you are
reading this that someone has
taken the plunge and been the
first to don the Christmas jumper
and thus started the period of
ULIP looking like one of the
latest Tommy Hilfiger adverts.
We’ve all been pretty busy over
the last 10 weeks. For first years
Christmas marks that time when
you cannot believe you have
already completed your first term
at uni; for second years you are
now half way through your degree
and for us third years its squeaky
bum time as we approach the
final crusade towards the
rest
of
our
lives.
Merry bloody Christmas.
It’s been a stressful term in the
SU, we’ve been working hard on
events, lending support to ULU,
voting in all the members of a
now complete Union and trying
to make sure there is WiFi so we
can now, from ANYWHERE,
receive notifications that someone
has posted on the ULIP
Facebook page.
When you go home for
Christmas, wherever that may be,
eat loads, drink loads (but
responsibly) and stock up on all
the treats you need to get you
through the next 10 weeks of
lectures. Refresher’s Week is just
around the corner, so pick up
your Berocca, cheap ibuprofen
and don’t forget your brand new
Christmas knitwear to fester in
during your hung-over states. If
you’re going to make a resolution,
make it ‘come to more
uni events’- the more you get
involved the better ULIP is (and
the better the end of year ball will
be).
Enjoy your time off ULIP, have a
great time and see you
on
the
other
side.
Come on the Chelsea.
5
T H E T W E L V E D A Y S O F M E T R O (S)
The Parisian métro: symbol of modernity, or
your worst nightmare? Alice Matthews (BA1)
unveils some hidden trivia behind this
underground labyrinth.
One of the major aspects of living
in Paris is, whether you like it or
not, the public transport system.
Back in London, the most
exciting underground stations had
names such as “Cockfosters” and
“Pudding Mill Lane”. However,
moving to Paris has opened up a
wealth of new names to discover.
I promise it might be interesting.
On the first day of Christmas,
RATP
gave
to
me…
Marcadet-Poissonniers (lines 4
and 12)
This lovely gift of a station was
originally
two
seperate
stations. “Marcadet” comes from
the Latin mercadus (market). The
rue des Poissonniers is a road that has
been used since 1307 by
fishmongers (poissonniers) bringing
fish from the North Sea to the
markets at Les Halles (which is
now the bizarre underground
shopping centre). So the next
time you make a trip to boulevard
Barbès, think about all the
fishermen who’ve walked in your
footsteps.
6
On the second
Christmas, RATP
me…
day
gave
of
to
Saint-Lazare (lines 3, 12, 13, 14
and 9 if you can walk for a few
miles…)
This is the second busiest metro
station after Gare du Nord, so it
should have a good story behind
its name. Records dating back
from 1110 mention a “maison
Saint-Lazare” situated in the 10th
arrondissement. It was a thirtytwo hectare leprosy hospital. In
1793, the Saint-Lazare leper
colony (a place to quarantine
people
with
leprosy)
was
converted into a prison. Now
there is a station to commemorate
it which often resembles a prison,
particularly during rush hour. You
can find the house now on rue du
Faubourg-Saint-Denis (no. 99-107),
if you’re interested.
On the third day of Christmas,
RATP
gave
to
me…
Bir Hakeim (line 6)
This is above ground, on the pont
de Bir-Hakeim. If you’re an
Inception fan, it is the bridge
where Ellen Page gets stabbed by
Marion Cotillard. Bir-Hakeim is a
remote oasis in the Libyan desert
and
the
metro
station
commemorates the battle which
took place there during World
War II. Now you can see the
Eiffel Tower from the metro.
On the fourth
Christmas, RATP
me…
day
gave
Quatre-Septembre (line 3)
of
to
This station is named after the 4th
September 1870, when Léon
Gambetta proclaimed the third
republic at the Tuileries palace.
Though you should all know
that,
of
course.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
RATP
gave
to
me…
Oberkampf (lines 5 and 9)
Christophe-Philippe Oberkampf
(1738 – 1815) was a Germanborn,
French-naturalised
businessman. He came from a
family of dyers and is ‘famous’ for
founding a factory printing
copper engraved paintings. He
won a gold medal at an industrial
fair at the Louvre and was
awarded the legion of honour
from Napoleon in 1806. Now
there is a Rue Oberkampf in the
11th arrondissement with good
bars
to
celebrate
his
achievements.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
RATP
gave
to
me…
Daumesnil (lines 6 and 8)
This station pays homage to
General Pierre Daumesnil (17761832) who lost his leg during the
Battle of Wagram in 1809. This
became a good bargaining tool
later on in his life. For example,
he refused to give the chateau de
Vincennes to the Russians by
saying “Je rendrai Vincennes quand
on me rendra ma jambe”.
7
On the seventh day
Christmas, RATP gave
me…
of
to
palace. Today you can imagine
yourself as a stone transporter at
quai Voltaire, very close to ULIP.
Stalingrad (lines 2, 5 and 7)
In 1903 only line 2 connected
here and the station was called
Aubervilliers. In 1910, line 7 was
connected and so they fused
together into Boulevard de la
Villette. However as WWII
ended, the name was changed in
reference to the Soviet victory at
the Battle of Stalingrad. Despite
Stalin’s numerous crimes the
name was never changed.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
RATP
gave
to
me…
Rue de la Pompe (line 9)
On the eighth
Christmas, RATP
me…
Rue du Bac (line 12)
day
gave
of
to
In 1564, at the end of rue du Bac, a
“bac” (ferry) was necessary to
cross the Seine. This ferry allowed
stone blocks from the Vaugirard
quarries
access
to
the
construction site of the Tuileries
8
This station is named after the rue
de la Pompe, which has a mention
in archives from 1730. It was a
good place to skirt the walls of
the Château de la Muette,
apparently, because it led to one
of the gates in the wall
surrounding the Bois de Boulogne.
The road itself used to be called
the old path but at the end of the
18th century it was renamed after
the “pompe” (pump) that
supplied water to the castle. What
a privilege.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
RATP
gave
to
me…
Plaisance (line 13)
Plaisance is arguably one of the
most bearable stations on line 13,
following on from Gaité and
Pernety. It is a new member of the
line; it only became part of it in
1976. Its name comes from the
Chateau du Maine which was built
in the 17th century and had a huge
park (the “plaisance” park). In
1842 a surveyor purchased the
castle and subdivided it, creating
the district of Plaisance. Ironically
this became one of the largest
Parisian slums between 1858 and
1860.
On the eleventh day
Christmas, RATP gave
me…
of
to
On the twelth day of
Christmas, RATP gave to
me…
Sèvres – Babylone (lines 10 and
12)
In medieval times, rue de Sèvres ran
from Paris to Sèvres. Rue de
Bablyone was named after the
Bishop of Babylon . Originally
you could only take line 12 from
Sèvres, however line 10 opened at
Babylone in 1923. Shortly after it
opened, the city forced the
stations to combine. Even to this
day, on the line 10 platforms
“Babylone” is in a larger font and
vice versa on line 12. Also, in the
novel ‘Transition’ by Iain Banks,
Sèvres-Babylone is described as
the “most excitingly, enticingly
dangerous Métro station”.
Rambuteau (line 11)
This is named after ClaudePhilibert Barthelot, Comte de
Rambuteau (1781-1869). He was a
senior official who helped set up
the plans for the transformation
of Paris that Haussmann carried
out during the Second Empire.
The
Rue
Rambuteau
is
quintessentially Haussman in
style, so it’s very appropriate.
9
DRIVING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
The Eurostar holds a dear place in all of our
hearts. Immy Smith (BA2) gives us the
lowdown on this sub-channel marvel.
Getting on the Eurostar is like
entering a Doctor Who tardis,
except this time machine has its
own magazine and bar. Travel is
very leisurely on board the
Eurostar, and the experience all
begins when you book your
ticket. It’s the rush of adrenaline
and the spark of excitement you
get when searching for the
cheapest time to travel with only
4 SEATS LEFT! Of course
there’s always our dear friend the
Megabus to get us home safe and
sound but in all honesty, when
given the choice of train over bus
as a preferred mode of transport,
train knocks the spots off the bus
any day.
There are some things one should
be aware of when traveling by
Eurostar. Firstly, make sure to
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arrive at least 45 minutes before
your departure time, as those
cheeky stewards certainly live up
ensure ‘efficient service,’ making
sure everyone is on the train tout
suite. Secondly, despite your early
arrival there’s not a fat lot to do at
Gare du Nord; there is a measly
amount of duty free shopping and
a rather meagre sized ‘Paul’ but
that is all. At St. Pancras however,
a plethora of shops, restaurants
and M&S are all waiting to while
away your post journey time. You
will also have to make time to
admire and marvel at the ever so
clever use of exposed brick work.
It’s the contrast of the glass and
distressed walls that gets me every
time.
Once the speedy procedure of
security and passport checks are
done you are well on your way to
boarding the awaiting locomotive.
Make sure to stand your ground
as the Disney land goers and over
affectionate couples muzzle into
the queue, trying to jump the gate.
That sort of behaviour just isn’t
Eurostar etiquette.
Boarding the Eurostar can also
sometimes be a rather tricky
procedure, especially when laden
with luggage. Your baggage
allowance as it happens is
restricted to two bags, however
there are ways and means of
catering the two bags rule to your
needs, but bear in mind that even
if your bag is the size and weight
of a small cargo vessel no one will
help you. Be prepared to lift and
heave using your knees. By this
time you will probably be in need
of a jolly good sit down and let
me tell you, you’re in for a treat.
On a comfortability scale the
chairs are about a six out of ten,
but the general environment of
the Eurostar is so ideal for
napping you’ll be pushing out the
Z’s in no time. If you’re a more
productive traveller, make sure to
bring plenty of reading material as
the magazine, as lovely as it is,
sadly won’t suffice your whole
journey.
I don’t know how physics allows
it but whilst sitting tight in
carriage 15, the Eurostar crosses
the boundaries of time, and as a
result you gain an hour on arrival
in London. It’s nothing short of a
miracle. On the other side of the
Channel the journey seems to
come to an end all too abruptly
and the Minnie Mouse clad
toddlers are jostling for a place in
line to assure a speedy escape off
the train carriage and onto the
awaiting platform. Be tactical and
be sure to place your luggage
where it is visible and accessible,
as even if you asked for help you
would most likely be ignored.
Those first steps on English soil
are quite simply a joy. With the
picturesque backdrop of St.
Pancras station, its cascading
ceiling and the lover’s statue
standing under the glowing clock
face, you feel proud to be British.
You are then swiftly brought back
to reality when faced with the
thought of getting on the tube.
11
MUSICAL MUSINGS
Hazel Hurst (BA3) inspires us to venture out of
our cozy warm apartments and visit one of
Paris’ many concert halls for a sweaty, but
swell, old time.
Sometimes I feel that going to a
concert is self-inflicted torture:
endless elbowing for space,
constant feet trampling (high
heels should be banned in concert
halls) and finally the regular facewhip from the girl in front with
the infuriatingly long pony tail.
Oh and don’t forget the bonus
luxury spa treatment bathing in
the sweat of the strangers around
you … hmmm yep! There’s
nothing like a concert.
Indeed, there are not many bands
that I appreciate enough to go see
live but The Cat Empire is
certainly one I would really
suggest running the risk of going
to see in concert. As musicians
they are a talented bunch;
flawlessly combining jazz, hiphop, reggae, funk, latino, tzigane
and whatever else they fancy!
With a pianist, who constantly
improvises and whose golden rule
is ‘never play the same thing
twice’, and a vocalist/trumpetist
who blows you away with his
spontaneous scat singing, you are
sure to amazed and entertained !
Enveloped in that inevitable
crowd cloud of humidity the
12
music washes over you, erasing all
nuggets of hatred and bitterness
from your soul and soothing your
keyboard fatigued finger tips.
Their vibrant, feel-good beats
layered under humorous but
truthful lyrics are sure to make
you forget the pessimistic Parisian
winter outside and get you up and
bopping!
I have seen this band three times
already but that didn’t stop me
from going to see these
Australians play again last month
at the Trianon in the 18th
arrondissement. It’s the first time
I have been to the Trianon: it’s a
beautiful, old theatre and,
although it’s been transformed
into a concert venue they have
conserved the carved wooden
balconies and with it the classic
charm that comes with age.
As a result however it is quite
unnerving when the crowd start
to ‘bounce’ and you feel the floor
beneath you move! Everyone
looked a bit panicked by the idea
of the theatre caving in on your
head, the crowd exchanges
bewildered looks but… the music
continues and the show must go
on!
melodies of a trumpet and the
smooth rhythms that come
together to make the summery
ensemble that is The Cat Empire !
Go check out the bouncing
floorboards
yourselves
at:
Trianon (80 Boulevard de
Rochechouart 75018 Paris)
The Cat Empire new album: Steal
The Light.
http://thecatempire.com/
JUMP!
Whether designed deliberately to
cushion the sound of hundreds of
pairs of feet or simply the natural
‘give’ of the old wooden
floorboards, the effect is similar
to that of a trampoline!
YOUPEE! It’s fun! You get
catapulted up and down with the
communal crowd sway!
Bouncing up and down on the
trampoline/floor I found myself
hypnotised by the musical genius.
I was delighted! There’s nothing
like jumping out all that essay
stress amongst a sweaty bundle of
human bodies to the punchy
13
1 5 R E A S O N S T O L I V E I N T H E 1 5 TH
Often disregarded as dull and lifeless, the 15th
arrondissement apparently has much more to
offer. Kate Goodbody (BA1) explains why.
Some may call it the boring
arrondissement, but it is one that
I believe is truly underrated. An
arrondissement that I will try to
persuade you dear readers to
consider as not merely a
wasteland south of the Seine, but
as an exciting part of Paris that
you
probably
haven’t
contemplated exploring.
1. Easy to return home after a
night out: all you have to do
is find the Eiffel Tower, which
let’s face it you can’t flaming
miss, and just keep walking
south. What could be easier?
If I can manage not to get
horrifically lost on my way it
must be a piece of gateaux for
the rest of you.
2. 50 year old Parisian women
on kids’ scooters: there is
nothing more entertaining
than seeing a middle aged
woman with her Louis
Vuitton bag scooting along
the road, but still managing to
pull off the chic thing. This is
definitely a big fat positive of
being in a mostly residential
area!
14
3. William in Monoprix at La
Motte-Picquet Grenelle
4. Beaugrenelle: quite possibly
my favourite shopping centre
in the world. Maybe I only
think this because I have been
deprived for so long of a good
old splurge in the sales due to
my distinct lack of funds.
Perhaps it has something to
do with the big shiny M&S
which is now only three metro
stops away from me, which I
must
say
helps
when
despairing over essays!
5. According to the ever
reliable source, Wikipedia, it is
the
most
populated
arrondissement, so surely with
statistics like that I can find
myself a tall, dark, handsome
Frenchie to sweep me off my
feet.
6. 15th arrondissement Come
Dine With Me/Ready Steady
Cook : so three of us live on
our own quite close together,
and because if we didn’t
actually get out of our flats we
wouldn’t see the light of day
half the time, we cook for
each other. There is nothing
as hilarious as working out
what you’re going to cook
with lychees and bacon!
7. Not to sound too selfimportant or anything, but I
do live there so God knows
why you’d want to live
anywhere else….!
So that’s my definitive list of
reasons to live in this lovely
arrondissement. Is that you saying
“but hang on a second Kate, there
are only 7 reasons here! Surely
you can count?” All I can say is
thank goodness I’m doing a
French degree and not a Maths
one!
(DISCLAIMER- sorry to
those who live in the 15th and we
haven’t invited, I could say it’s
because I only have three chairs
but it’s probably because you’re
tacky and we hate you…)
15
CHRISTMAS FEAST
ULIP’s Yorkshire Nigella, Jess Holmes
(BA3), is here to help with her step by
step guide to cooking the perfect
Christmas dinner.
So I’ve been roped into writing
this article by my wonderful
friend Rosie, basically because I
couldn’t keep my hands off of the
free M&S mince pies on offer at
the Parlons drop in session the
other day; I always knew my
greediness would get me into
trouble one day!
Now it has been requested that I
drop in a few Nigella jokes, but
after finding my very witty self
googling ‘Nigella coke jokes’, I’ve
decided that a simple joke free,
step by step guide of how to cook
an amazing Christmas dinner, that
you can get through easily without
needing to snort anything, is
probably more my style.
16
Essential list of what to do and
when to do it
When I first moved to Paris, I
decided to cook my very first
Sunday dinner and in a bid to
make friends I ended up inviting
about 15 people. So I got my
mum on the phone and she gave
me a list of timings that I still
have to this day and that I will
probably have to get out for every
roast I ever cook. This is very
important so don’t ever lose it!
1)
Make your gravy up to a couple
of weeks in advance and freeze it
or make it a couple of days in
advance and pop it in the fridge.
2)
On Christmas day, wash, peel
and chop the vegetables and put
them to one side whilst you get
on with the turkey.
3) Stuff the turkey, get it wrapped
in the foil and whack it in the
oven.
4) Pour yourself a rather large flute
of champagne and chill out for 40
minutes, at which point you need
to turn the oven down to 170°C.
Then top up your glass and sit
back down!
5)
6)
You can pretty much chill out
for the next few hours, so use this
time to see if the Snowman’s on
ITV, keep topping up your glass,
and remember to occasionally
check on the turkey.
After about 2½ to 3 hours, get
back in the kitchen and start on
the potatoes and parsnips. Once
these are in the oven, you need to
turn up the temperature to 200°C
and take the foil off of the top of
the turkey.
7)
Once that’s all sorted you can
start on the cabbage and sprouts.
8)
About 15 minutes before
everything’s ready, start to heat up
your gravy on a low heat.
9) Then serve everything up and
enjoy!
So here are the recipes for
Christmas dinner with all the
trimmings:
Turkey with Pork, Sage and
Onion stuffing
If the BBC Good Food guide is
anything to go by, it seems that
having a turkey for your
Christmas dinner is going out of
fashion. Who’d have thought it,
eh? But don’t panic, because
we’re not going to listen to them.
I’ve just consulted Delia and she
is still 100% big on the turkey.
Phew.
Stuffing:
Ingredients:
900g sausage meat
75g white breadcrumbs
25g chopped fresh sage
1 finely chopped large onion
Salt & freshly ground black
pepper
Method:
Combine the breadcrumbs with
the sage and onion in a large
mixing bowl, and then stir in 2
tablespoons boiling water and mix
thoroughly. Then add the sausage
meat to the mixture and season
with salt and pepper.
17
Turkey:
Ingredients:
8 servings (with some left over)
1 5.4-6.3kg turkey
175g softened butter
225g streaky bacon
Salt & freshly ground black
pepper
Method:
The first step is to stuff the
turkey. To do this, loosen the skin
and pack as much of the stuffing
into the neck end as you can,
press it gently to make a nicely
rounded end, then tuck the neck
flap under the turkey’s back and
secure with a skewer.
Next, cover your roasting tin with
kitchen foil and lay the turkey on
its back in the centre, rub it
generously all over with the
butter, making sure the thighs are
particularly well covered. Season
well with salt and pepper, and lay
the bacon over the breast.
Now wrap the turkey loosely in
the foil: the parcel must be firmly
sealed but with enough room to
provide an air space at the top.
Cook for 40 minutes at 220°C,
then 3½-4 hours at 170°C,
followed by a further 30 minutes
(uncovered) at 200°C. You might
want to check it every now and
then and spoon some of the juices
over the turkey to keep it nice and
moist and Bob’s your uncle!
18
So now we’ll get started on the
accompaniments
for
our
scrumptious Christmas dinner.
I’ve combined all of the things I
love about my mum’s Christmas
dinner with some quite snazzy
additions that I’ve come across in
the pile of recipe books that my
mum shipped me off with when I
moved over here. I’ve gone for
casseroled red cabbage, just
because it’s such a wintery colour
and the recipe sounds delicious
with the apples and orange juice,
as well as Brussels sprouts with
bacon and juniper, just because
you really can’t get away with a
sprout-less Christmas dinner! In
terms of roasted vegetables,
which are also a Christmas day
must, I’ve gone for roast potatoes
and roast parsnips. All topped off
with my mum’s/Jamie Oliver’s
special Christmas day gravy.
Casseroled Red cabbage
This one does seem to have loads
of ingredients but it just sounds
delicious so persevere and it’ll be
worth it.
Ingredients:
10 servings
100g butter
1 large finely chopped onion
2 crushed garlic cloves
1 finely shredded, medium sized
red cabbage
4 medium peeled, cored and
finely sliced eating apples
Grated zest & juice of 2 oranges
1 teaspoon of mixed spice
2 tablespoons brown sugar
300ml red wine
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
Salt & freshly ground black
pepper
Method:
Start by melting the butter in a
large pan or casserole dish. Add
the onion and garlic and cook
until softened, taking care that
they don’t colour.
Then stir in the cabbage until
totally coated with the butter.
Next, add all of the other
ingredients listed above and
combine well.
Cover with a lid and simmer over
a low heat for approximately 30
minutes. Remove the lid, adjust
the seasoning if necessary and
simmer for a further 10 minutes.
Brussels sprouts with bacon
and juniper
Take or leave the juniper berries,
my mum normally just does this
with bacon and some kind of nut;
I think possibly pine nuts. I
suppose the juniper makes it
sound a bit more impressive
though.
Ingredients:
8 servings
800g Brussels sprouts
500g smoked bacon (the fattier
the better!)
30 juniper berries or a hand full of
pine nuts
Method:
Start by removing any not so nice
looking outer leaves from the
sprouts. Next, drop them into a
pan of boiling water, leaving them
to simmer for 3 to 4 minutes, and
then drain them in a colander.
Whilst slicing the sprouts in half,
fry the bacon until crisp and
golden, then drain on kitchen
paper. After that, add the sprouts
to the pan in which you fried the
bacon- this way they’ll pick up all
of the crispy bits at the bottom.
Crush the juniper berries and add
them to the sprouts along with a
light touch of salt and pepper. Or
if you want to do it my mum’s
way, toast the pine nuts in a dry
frying pan and add them at this
point instead of the juniper
berries. Meanwhile, cut the bacon
into small pieces and return to the
pan, leaving to sizzle for a few
minutes before serving.
19
Classic roast potatoes &
parsnips
To save time whilst cooking and
also in order to save space in
Parlons for everybody else’s
articles, I’ve decided to do the
potatoes and parsnips all in one
go. I’ve ran this cheats idea past
my mum and she’s given me the
go ahead, so we should be alright!
Ingredients:
8 servings
2kg Désirée potatoes
1.25kg parsnips
110g goose fat or olive oil
Salt
Method:
Before doing anything else, put
the goose fat or olive oil into a
roasting tin and pop it in the oven
to heat up whilst you’re preparing
the potatoes and parsnips.
Peel the potatoes and parsnips,
cutting the potatoes into even
sized pieces and slicing the
parsnips into long, thin quarters,
then pop the potatoes into a pan
of boiling, generously salted
water, and put the parsnips to one
side.
20
Bring the potatoes to the boil for
5 or 10 minutes, then drain and
return them to the pan. Give the
pan a good shake to fluff up the
edges.
Now tip them, along with the
parsnips, into the roasting tin
that’s already been heating up in
the oven, and roast them for
about 30 to 35 minutes, maybe a
little longer, at 200°C.
Try to toss the potatoes and
parsnips around a bit once or
twice during cooking, so they
crisp up nicely all over.
The most amazing gravy ever
My mum makes this every year,
she insists that it’s her own recipe
but I have a sneaky feeling she
might have stolen it from Jamie.
Either way, this is the one part of
the Christmas dinner that I
actually get very involved in, just
because it’s so messy! To save
time on Christmas day you can
make this a couple of days in
advance and store it in the fridge
or even prepare it a few weeks in
advance and pop it in the freezer.
Ingredients:
8 servings
2 onions
3 carrots
Half a small swede
2 celery sticks
4 chicken thighs
4 chicken wings
3 streaky bacon rashes
Thyme, Rosemary & Sage
Salt & freshly ground black
pepper
Method:
Start by chopping all the
vegetables into roughly the same
sized pieces. Pop them in a
roasting tin, with the chicken and
a generous portion of Thyme,
Rosemary and Sage and roast for
30 minutes or so at 200°C.
Next, remove the chicken from
the tin and pick the meat from the
bone (this will burn your fingers a
bit so be careful!). Add the
chicken meat back to the roasting
tin and pour in enough chicken
stock to cover the contents of the
tin and return to the oven for 10
to 15 minutes.
Remove the tin from the oven
and mash everything with a
potato masher (this is my
favourite bit!) Then strain the
mixture through a sieve and
you’re left with the tastiest gravy
in the whole world!
So there we have it, a fool proof
plan for the perfect Christmas
dinner. And if it all goes wrong,
you should have drank enough
champagne
by
the
time
everybody’s tucked in for you not
to really care what they think
anyway.
Merry Christmas everybody!
21
L I N E 1 3, PART 2
Cameron McColl, BA2, continues his
tales of agony on Line 13.
Episode Two
…Toe prangs the step –
stumbling, stumbling into the
nonsense preacher who notices
my head pulsate with anger and
embarrassment and cranks up his
volume further.
His spit crashes into the windows
of the train doors that slithered
back together behind me. Metro
choreography– the clumped
heads of the carriage flinch back
in
horror.
Subject matter: Bible. Old
testament probably, it’s not
opened very far as he juggles it in
his left hand, and the organic
hysteria spilling from this man’s
mouth echoes the sentiment of its
Author.
A cough, an unexpected jerk, a
hiss and she pushes onwards - St.
Lazare bound. I grab at the pole,
which is disappointingly warm,
back turned to the morning
shouter, as if to at least visually
block him out. Holding on, eyes
pressed tight, eyes back open.
Check my phone. Train jerks,
keep the balance – one man falls
into another sat down. Don’t
22
laugh, not good to laugh.
Preacher, still shouting, his throat
drying so his voice breaks and he
finishes his sentence an octave
higher. Don’t laugh, not good to
laugh. The train takes on the
bend with a piercing squeal that
kindly drowns out the madman’s
voice.
She burrows heavily into St.
Lazare.
She stops.
And the fun begins.
The Lord’s little helper poses at
the doors, to my joy. The shuffle
of an awaiting garrison of Line
13ers off and on the train align.
Doors open exposing the abrasive
noise of conversation, lonely
mutterings, iPhones tapping,
Direct Matins opening, zips up,
zips down, the buzzer alerts- one
last push, you can do it! Doors
slither back together, more
crowded than before. An
uncomfortable sweat seeps out on
to fresh clothes, and I itch.
Meek faces turn sour, with the
realisation that a man with an
accordion has managed to
squeeze on further up the
carriage. He ups the ante, and
gives it the fucking beans…
CHRISTMASTIME IN THE LAVERIE
Katherine Worley (BA1) airs her dirty
laundry in public with her tales of the
Laverie Libre Service.
There are no Christmas lights
along Rue Fondary; the
independent shops have not put
up any garish Christmas
decorations; the dangling
selection of sausages in the
charcuterie window is the only
morbid resemblance to a bauble.
However, distasteful Xmas decs
are not necessary on Rue Fondary
because it, like many a side road
in Paris, has a Laverie Libre
Service whose fluorescent glow
fills the air with Christmas cheer.
Many a child can be found staring
into the over-sized snow shakers
of washing machines, where an
unsuspecting laverie customer has
forgotten to use the handy flap on
the top of the machine to decant
their cheap washing powder.
Today, it is my turn to venture
inside the Laverie. My bag laden, I
trudge over to the machine, feed
in my hard earned euros, take a
seat on the plastic chair, and begin
my long wait while my clothes
begin to rinse, spin, rinse, spin,
rinse and spin.
A man walks in with a Barbie
pink shopping trolley with a
design of a 1950s pink Mustang
on the front. He does the same,
and soon we are sitting side by
side, both staring at our towels
spinning. Such is communication
at the Laverie Libre Service.
All clothes washing rules go to
dust here. Confused people
wander in carrying ancient IKEA
sacks and proceed to pour
“handwash only” items into
industrial machines. The snow
globes become stormy with a
mixture of once-sexy delicates,
black towels and white satin shirts
in a desperate attempt to escape
this place where the only marker
of time is how much froth is
visible in the round window.
The most mysterious fact about
the Laverie Libre Service is its
unfailing proximity to DIA. Not
once have I had to stray far,
confused and blurry-eyed from
the constant circular motion and
23
strip lighting, to find myself in the
homely isles of DIA, bulk-buying
tuna and coconut milk for its
excellent value. On this
Christmassy Thursday, the
Laverie is the Grotto and DIA its
Santa: I come out with two
Disney Princess advent calendars.
My clothes are still on spin 3, so I
consume both. 50 days gone, and
my clothes are still soapy.
The wash done, I begin the halfhour wait for the tumble-dryer.
Once done, I hold my warm
towels close for a while. This is
the warmest I will feel until the
next visit. I walk back out into the
cold, another wash done, and
leave my Ariel wonderland behind
me.
If you are reading this, Santa, all I
want for Christmas is a washing
machine … with a built-in
tumble-dryer.
24
HOW TO DO CHRISTMAS
Rosie Gillard (BA3) spreads the festive joy and
tells us how to make the most of this wonderful
time of the year.
Christmas is without a doubt my
favourite time of year. People that
are indifferent when it comes to
the festive period may not
associate with me. I’m talking
about those who deplore mince
pie consumption in November
and condemn the existence of the
Christmas Carols from King's
College Cambridge compilation
on my iPod…
There is, I believe, a definitive list
of Do’s and Don’ts when it
comes to Christmas etiquette.
Consider me to be your Guardian
Angel, ensuring you get the most
out of Christmas 2013.
DO NOT count calories
Mince pies,
mulled wine,
Cadbury’s
selection
boxes,
Cheeselets (a favourite of the
ULIP SU President) Wensleydale
with cranberries, cold cuts, Milk
Tray, peanuts, endless cheese
boards,
brandy-flavoured
everything, plenty of boozy
interludes and an assortment of
weird but wonderful M&S
Christmas
canapé
selection.
Christmas has food wrapped
around its little finger.
According to a “health official,”
the average Brit consumes around
6,000 calories on Christmas Day.
Mean Girls once said “Halloween
is the one night a year when a girl
can dress like a total slut and no
other girls can say anything about
it.” I say “Christmas is the one 2
week period a year when a girl can
EAT like a total slut and no other
girls can say anything about it.”
That same ‘health official’ advises
to “flip the lid off a mince pie,
which is 250 calories before
adding cream or brandy butter.”
Not only is this extremely
questionable ‘diet’ advice, but it’s
also totally irrelevant. Eat what
you want, when you want. We’ll
all make a deal to take up Bikram
yoga in the New Year.
25
DO NOT peak too early on
Christmas day
My Christmas morning last year
entailed crying in my bedroom
and a lot of fatigue. Basically I
chose Christmas day as my annual
day of emotional purging,
something I usually save for New
Year’s Eve. It may have been
because I consumed two gin and
tonics and three glasses of
Champagne before midday. It
may have been due to the stresses
endured by a second year
languages student (ha), or it may
have been because I felt (in my
own drunken words) “too
grateful.” Either way, I had to
take myself away from the festive
fun and have an afternoon nap.
There is an important lesson to be
learnt here: do not peak too early.
I understand that a flowing wine
box and a bottomless cupboard
of spirits is tempting for us
students confined to drinking Pol
Remy during term time, but
nobody wants a hangover by
4pm.
DO NOT scrimp on viewings
of Love Actually
Hands down the best Christmas
film. Isn’t it clever how all the
characters’ lives are intertwined?
The soundtrack is also incredible,
as is Emma Thompson holding
her shit together for the sake of
her family.
26
DO make the most sensational
Christmas playlist
Requiring no introduction, here is
my
definitive
ranking
of
Christmas songs:
1.
Driving Home For ChristmasChris Rea
I will undoubtedly be listening to this
on repeat on the Eurostar home.
2. Do They Know It’s Christmas
Time?- Band Aid
The 1984 original please.
3.
Fairytale of New York- The
Pogues
You scumbag you maggot, you cheap
lousy faggot.
4. Last Christmas- Wham!
The video is a masterpiece to behold.
5.
All I Want For Christmas Is
You- Mariah Carey
Arguably overplayed, but nonetheless
sensational.
DO NOT forget that New
Year’s
Eve
is
nothing
compared to Christmas
I gave up on New Year’s Eve the
year I passed out in my own
vomit on someone’s front lawn at
11pm. Always disappointing and
anti-climactic, you may as well
stay in and re-arrange your sock
draw.
DO get creative with presents
Why is it suddenly the trend to
spend £200+ on a present for
your boyfriend/girlfriend? Why is
it suddenly the trend to HAVE a
boyfriend/girlfriend?
Logistics
aside, why not get creative this
year? I’m not talking about
whipping up any old crap. I’m
talking candle, preserve and tree
decoration making. I’m sure
Country Homes magazine are
offering a plethora of ideas. Add a
personal
touch.
We’re
impoverished
students
and
shoving money at your problems
isn’t going to resolve them.
DO use the festive period as an
excuse to make questionable
fashion choices
Sequins, hideous knitwear, lurex
and novelty socks tend to enter
my wardrobe at the end of
November. Whilst Christmas day
is spent in new underwear and
new pyjamas, the run up calls for
excess.
DO visit some traditional
Christmas markets
Every year I say, “now that I live
in mainland Europe, I must go to
some
European
Christmas
markets.” It hasn’t happened. But
there is more to London’s
extremely commercial Winter
Wonderland and Paris’ slightly
tacky Champs-Elysées offering, so
if you’re more organized and
motivated than I am, then go and
revel in mulled wine and German
sausage. Here’s a pick of those I
found most appealing.
27
1.
Copenhagen- Tivoli at
Christmas
This has nothing to do with
the fact that I love
Copenhagen. Beautiful and
freezing at the best of times, I
imagine this to be a sight to
behold. The market is also
Russain themed!
2.
BudapestThe
Budapest Christmas Fair
I imagine a traditional
Hungarian Christmas to be
quite the laugh. Apparently
Santa Claus visits on 6th
December, and food on offer
includes stuffed cabbage,
roasted goose thigh, pork
knuckle and grilled sausage
and meat. D-E-licious.
3. Berlin
Berlin appears to have an
array of Christmas markets,
including a green/organic/
fair-trade offering, a market
dedicated to a 70 metre long
toboggan, and another with a
petting zoo.
Go forth and do Christmas
properly, little darlings. Catch
you in the New Year. Be
good.
28
TALES OF A BARISTA
ULIP’s President and very own Barista
recommends the best coffee hangouts Paris
has on offer. Hip, trendy and delicious, a bit
like Benjamin Wright (BA3) himself.
I ain’t past the bar but I know a
little bit. The life of a Barista.
First of all, stop drinking Cafe
Richard coffee. It doesn’t matter
how good your view of the Eifel
Tower might be, it tastes like a
mixture of a rugby pitch and
Saturday night’s ashtray because
like Starbucks, it was roasted a
millennium ago. In Paris the new
wave of coffee is freshly roasted,
REALLY freshly ground and
made by a Barista in the know.
Our machines are like our
children. We make sure they are
clean, look after them when they
are sick and annoy us when our
espresso weighs 30 grams instead
of 35. Secondly, we are all geeks.
We weigh each shot, adjust the
grind of the beans every hour,
time each extraction and go nuts
for a filter coffee that tastes like
strawberries. Thirdly and finally,
we use proper fresh milk, none of
the rancid UHT milk that none of
you should be drinking.
Now you know what you don’t
want from your coffee, here’s
what you do want when you get
to one of the hotspots I have
chosen. Your espresso should be
short, thick and the taste should
last all bloody day. It won’t need
sugar, sugar is to mask a bad
coffee (and putting sugar in
coffee kills puppies). It won’t be
bitter because it’s been perfectly
extracted to take all the natural
sugars out the coffee and taste
delicious. Some are nutty and
chocolately, others are more
acidic and fruity. However, the
drink of Barista Kings is the filter
coffee. It tastes delicious, has
loads of caffeine and will open
your eyes to good coffee. Ask for
a V60 (saying this in English is
fine, we’re mostly Anglophone or
speak English, plus it sounds
stupid in French).
29
Here are the addresses (all of
which are open every day):
Loustic
Arguably the best. I work there.
50s design, warm, sofas and the
the Sri-Lankan Londoner boss
(Channa) is an absolute hero.
Have a V60 on the weekends,
Cappuccino during the week and
espressos all week long.
40
Rue
Chapon,
3rd
Arrondissement Metro : Arts et
Metiers/Reaumur-Sebastopol
Cafe Coutume
Kevin and Connor are the head
Baristas here and there’s not really
any better in Paris. They roast
their own on-site and you can buy
whole beans or ground coffee
from them for home. Drink
anything!
47 Rue de Babylone 7th Arr (Just
round the corner from ULIP)
Metro :St Francois Xavier/SevresBabylone
Ten Belles
Thomas is the heart throb of the
Parisian Barista scene. He’s also a
great barista. He has just started
roasting under the name Belleville
Brulerie and loads of other shops
are now taking his coffee. Right
next to the canal which is sick.
10 Rue la Grange aux Belles
10th Arr Metro :
Bonsergent/Goncourt
30
Jacques-
Fondation Cafe
Chris is the Aussie that owns this
place, he’s a bloody nice guy and
just gone out on his own after a
stint at Ten Belles. His coffee
machine is the most beautiful
creation known to man and the
design of the place is as Scandie
as Ikea itself.
3 ter Rue Marcadet
18th Arr Metro :
Poissoniers
Marcadet-
16 Rue Dupetit-Thouars. 3rd Arr
Metro : Temple/Republique
Cafe Lomi
Another of the roastery/café
joints. Its got a pretty cool interior
and the Tom the Barista there is
super nice. If you’re up the in the
18th on Barbes. It’s a top escape
plan.
31
SOPHIE LOVES 90s GARAGE
Let us cast our minds back to the 1990s.
Tamagotchis, cornrows, and of course,
sensational Garage music. Sophie Small (BA3)
guides us through her selection of favourites to
put in your Christmas playlist this year.
So I had a bit of a writer’s block
for this issue, after my idea for an
article on a friend’s expo in
London went to pot after passing
out on the side of the road at Old
Street and missing it. Instead, I
smashed something together
inviting you to experience
something that is kind of a weekly
thing for me. I am a big fan of
Garage music, particularly from
the 90s/early noughties. I also
have a weekly jam on Twitter
called ThUrSdAyBaNgErS, which
happens well, every Thursday.
Here I put out to the world classic
old skl beatz alongside my current
hot picks. Does this count as selfpromotion? Even if it does, it’s
shameless
self-promotion….
Follow me @SophieASmall
3. Whats it Gonna Be- H20
4. Babycakes- 3 of a Kind
5. Sweet Like Chocolate- Shanks
& Bigfoot
6. Praise You- Fatboy Slim
7. Re Rewind- Craig David &
Artful Dodger
So here is my ULIP MIX, all 17
tracks specially designed for you:
1. FlowersAttitude.
Sweet
Female
2. Turn Around- Phats & Small
32
8. You Don’t Know Me- Armand
Van Helden
9. Dy-na-mi-tee – Miss Dynamite
10. Crazy Love- MJ Cole
11. Do You Really Like It- DJ
Pied Piper
12. Masterblaster 2000- DJ Luck
& MC Neat ft.JJ (Oracles Mix)
13. Trick Me- Kelis
14. 21 Seconds- So Solid Crew
15. Sambuca- Wideboys ft Dennis
G / DJ Luck & MC Neat
16. Body Groove- Architechs ft
Nana
17. Love Shy- Platnum
33
E R I C A’ S C O R N E R
Everyone’s favourite librarian, Erica, on literature
based cosiness this Christmas.
Short days, cold nights. This is the
time to listen, watch and learn.
Read the book, see the film
France’s favourite misanthrope,
Michel Houellebecq has his first
two novels captured on screen :
Extension du domaine de la lutte
(Philippe Harel), and Particules
élémentaires (Oskar Roehler).
Frédéric
Begbeider,
simultaneously the bad boy of
French literature and a member of
the established élite, wrote a
satirical
novel
about
the
advertising business, 99 francs. It
cost him his job, but launched his
career. The film is directed by Jan
Kounen.
The English patient by Michael
Ondaatje. The Booker-prize
winning book by everyone’s
favourite
Canadian.
The
continuation of In the Skin of a
Lion, a book that I will never
forget. The film was a blockbuster
and dramatically manipulative, but
who doesn’t need a good cry
every now and then? Directed by
Anthony Minghella.
34
Chocolat by Joanne Harris. More
Juliette Binoche, though I
wouldn’t consider myself a big
fan, she was hilarious in The
Unbearable Lightness of Being
(another book and film). Two
over-the-top actors directed by
Lasse Hallström
L’élégance du hérisson, by Muriel
Barbery. The relationship between
a concierge and a girl living right
here in the 7th. The film is
directed by Mona Achache with
the lovely Josiane Balasko.
Podcasts
French etc is a good way to learn
colloquial French via podcast.
They have daily and weekly
podcasts. Test an advanced one
and let me know what you think.
Worksheets require a signup but
you can get a lot for free.
http://www.frenchetc.org/homecate
gory/advanced_podcasts/
Tumblr alert: http://love-yourfrench.tumblr.com/
http://lestreetstyle.com
http://metro-boulotphoto.tumblr.com/
Eat, drink, be merry and drive
safely, Erica
D E A R R A T P…
Recently, the RATP published 12 commandments
for métro use. This is the response of James Kelly.
This is still too vague and too
politically correct: Fuck carrying a
bag upstairs for old women or
holding the bollocking door open.
(what doors?) More importantly:
1. To people getting off when its
busy - Don't start trying to shove
past me before you've even come
in to the next station. The
likelihood is unless its Liège or St
Georges, a shit load of people
who are in your way will also be
getting
off.
4. If you are too fat or decrepit to
actually make it up the stairs in a
reasonable amount of time, please
don't use the métro at all. It was
designed for people who could. It
inconveniences my day hugely
every morning at Lamarck when
I'm stuck behind some 900 yearold woman dressed like a
prostitute down five flights of
stairs because there's people
coming up the stairs too.
2. To people getting on - Let said
crowd of people off before trying
to barge your way on. This will
reduce the number of people
shouting obscenities at you and
raising blood pressure to levels
that may lead to a cheeky
headbutt. Basically just simmer
down and have a pint.
5. It is a must that any American
asking where the Musée d'Orsay
is should be told to take the most
humungous, longwinded route
that is humanly possible. e.g.
From St Michel to Musée d'Orsay
you would direct them up line 4
to Barbès, line 2 to Place de
Clichy, line 13 to Invalides and
then RER C to Musée d'Orsay.
3. People who jump in at the last
minute and then delay everyone
else's journey by a good 10
seconds until all the doors have
actually closed - Don't. Again,
simmer down and have a pint. It
is your own fault that you made it
to the station 5 seconds too late.
Sort
your
shit
out.
6. A bit off topic, but the RATP
should stop spending money on
bollocks such as this guide and
start spending it on such things as
fixing the ticket machine at Place
de Clichy, or maybe a cheekful
tunnel between Notre Dame de
Lorette
and
Le
Peletier.
Just a few thoughts.
35
INTERVIEW WITH A LECTURER
Parlons caught up with Catriona MacLeod to talk
comics and Christmas cheer.
What are you asking for this
year?
Errm… Good will to all men and
women. I have nothing left to
want.
What’s the best present you’ve
ever received?
I got a Wii a couple of years ago,
which was pretty cool. I’m quite
good at it. I can beat anyone at
Mario Kart.
Favourite Christmas
song/carol? Ours is Feed the
World because we’re total
humanitarians.
Very noble of you. I like Fairytale
of New York, that’s a good one.
What’s your stance on hideous
Christmas knitwear?
Acceptable in the festive spirit,
36
or to be kept at the back of the
wardrobe?
It’s not just acceptable, it’s to be
encouraged! I love Christmas
jumpers. I don’t have as many as
I’d like, though. I think everyone
needs
a
Mrs-Weasley-type
character who knits jumpers and I
don’t have one of those.
Mulled wine and mince pies or
haggis and whisky?
Mulled wine and mince pies,
they’re lovely.
What do you miss most about
Scotland?
The humour. Scottish people are
really funny in a dry, slightly
depressing way.
Is the number of Scottish
lecturers
at
ULIP
a
coincidence or the result of a
larger conspiracy?
It’s the result of a larger
conspiracy. We’re trying to recruit
as many Scottish people to work
here as possible so we can turn
this
part
of
the
7th
arrondissement into a sort of
mini-Glasgow.
What song is currently in your
head?
Well now that you’ve said it it’s
Feed the World. Before that, it
was that song Royals by Lorde.
Do you have a favourite
member of One Direction?
No, I’m not sure which is which.
Tell us about your field of
study
I work on the Francophone
bande dessinée (French language
comics), notably works that have
been published between 1980 and
now, and that’s because my
particular field of interest is
women’s representation in bandes
dessinées. It’s typically a man’s
game; it’s created by men, for
male readers and it’s interesting to
see how women are depicted in
such a male-dominated world. It’s
changing, though. More women
are drawing now, so that’s
interesting too. It’s quite dynamic
and current.
Do you think more women are
reading Bande-Dessinée?
I do but there’s a worrying trend
in the Bridget Jones kind of vein
in women's bande dessinée, it’s
quite “chick-litty”. A lot of the
female artists are drawing about
shopping and there’s not a lot of
intellectual weight to it. It’s fun
but it’s not up there with the best
of them.
Favourite bande-dessinee?
Anything by Manu Larcenet is
great. We work on Larcenet a lot
in the bande dessinée class (BA3
course), he does a lot of stuff
that’s good.
What drew you to the field? It
seems like quite a niche realm.
Laurence Grove inspired me. He
writes a lot about bande dessinée,
he also happened to be my
teacher for my undergrad degree
37
and he’s just really engaging and
enthusiastic. He got me thinking
about it and then thinking about
female representations which is a
niche that hadn’t really been done
before in the French realm at
least, so there’s space for it. That’s
key for research, it’s important to
find something that’s not been
done
before.
You joined ULIP at the same
time as us BA3s. Have you
enjoyed your experience as
much as we have?
Yes, I think that this year’s been
my favourite so far, we all teach
our research in 3rd year and that’s
great. It’s a bit scary really, being a
lecturer’s a bit like having a career
in public speaking and I didn’t
think it would be before I started
doing it so that’s a bit stressful
but it’s very enjoyable for me. It’s
nice to know you guys personally
and we wouldn’t if we were
somewhere
bigger.
38
cause you get such a nice view of
the city, though there’s always
some chappy with a guitar or the
guy with the football.
Yeah, he was in Made in
Chelsea! What’s your opinion
on Made in Chelsea?
I’ve only seen it once and it just
bummed me out! It was obvious
that they just felt really awkward
and they spent a lot of time just
staring at each other.
Do you keep up with British
culture? Flicking through the
Daily Mail?
Not so much the Daily Mail side,
it’s not really my cup of tea. I’m a
bit of a Guardian obsessive
though. There’s good TV back at
home that you don’t get over here
like Mock the Week and QI.
Favourite place in Paris?
What advice would you give to
ULIPers? Both current and
soon-to-be former.
I like to walk up to the Sacré
Coeur and just sit on the steps
For current students I’d say find
out what interests you in study
and run with it, so find the bit of
whatever you’re studying that
actually makes you go ‘oooh’ and
then chase it down. Go to the
library, get online, go to the BNF,
do whatever you can but get out
there because Paris has way more
possibilities to learn about things
than any of us use, we need to get
out there.
For the leavers, I’d say just
recognise that you have such a
strength that so few students
have. You came here and you
lived and survived in a different
culture and you assimilated.
That’s an amazing skill for
someone of your age and that’s
something that transfers into
employability. You’re adaptable,
you’ve
got
the
cultural
understanding, so just play on the
fact that you’re a ULIP student!
It’s a skill, it really is.
39
PARLONS QUICK CROSSWORD
40
Down
13. Informant, quidditch ball -the
catching of which ends the game (6)
1. A nice guy/girl might give you one on
the 25th (1,9,2,1,4,4)
Across
2. 1920s English comedy sketch, shown
to audiences of millions in Germany at
New Year. (6,3,3)
6. The Christmas season (8)
7. Beardy, present-giving bloke (5,5)
3. UK capital of culture for 2017. (4)
9. That with which the halls should be
decked (6,2,5)
4. African and Asian animal, said to
never forget (8)
10. Intentional, to consider carefully (10)
5. Clan and popular name of Nelson
Mandela (6)
6. Home county of Jessica Holmes (9)
7. Painter of The Persistence of
Memory (8,4)
8. Tinseltown (9
11. The currency of South Africa (4)
12. Surname of Newsnight presenter
and University Challenge host (6, 6)
14. Two hundredth anniversary (12)
15. British comedian, famous for
performing in French and heels. (6,6)
41
ENTRE GUILLEMETS
Please continue to send ULIP quotes to 0677581493 or
parlons@london.ac.uk
"Plus c'est long, plus c'est bon" Eleonore Seabourg explains her
philosophy for life
"I love giggling. If I didn't I'd have a nervous breakdown." Samuel
Knight (BA2) loves to laugh.
"I get so emotional when I'm constipated" Lauryn Pipe (BA3) on her
bowel movements
"I used to be a cryer, then I was a vommer, now I'm just great." Rosie
Gillard (BA3) describes her phases of drunk personality
"I can give a good blow job but I can't blow up balloons" Anonymous
"I love a pdf." Ben Wright (BA3) being studious.
"Do you remember those bookshops in India?" Nathan Allen (BA3)
being really niche during his Gap Yah
"You look like a disgraced Geography teacher". Cameron McColl (BA2)
on Ben Wright's facial hair
"I'll admit that Destiny's Child were one of the best female groups of
the noughties." Cameron McColl (BA2) finally faces facts
"I don't like passionate, I like dirty." Kristina Rees (BA2) as a lover.
"For all you know I could be madly in love with James Kelly." Annie
Renn (BA2) lets slip more than she realises.
"C’est pas comme un selfie." Catriona MacLeod on Cezanne’s 46 self
portraits.
"Oh look at all those lovely girls, they're all so lovely!" Callum Fisher
(BA1). Bless.
"Where do you look for books?!" Anna Cribley (BA3) is still baffled by the
library 3 years in to her degree
42
“I like meat.” Alice Matthews (BA1) is quoted out of context.
"I'm just missing some meat from my life." Natasha Holcroft (BA1).
Ahem.
"I'm quite happy now I've got a big meaty sausage inside me." Joshua
Hannon (BA3). Well, we’d kind of guessed. This is just getting crass now.
“I’m just making noises with my flaps.” Hannah Cartwright (BA2)
“Dad I’m drunk, what do you suggest I do?” Charlotte Yardley (BA1) on
the path of learning how to deal with yourself when intoxicated
“Smooth back me, smooth and Scouse” Joe Thompson (BA3) doth
protest too much methinks.
“I hate it when French people speak French, it’s so annoying!” Jade
Irving (BA1) gets into the ULIP mentality.
“I’m on holiday so I may as well eat a soya yoghurt, let’s go crazy.”
Sage Gill-Martin parties up in Lyon.
“Imagine being a cryptic crossword compiler, you’d never have any
worries, except.. you know.. crpytic life.” Theo Radford (BA3), a cryptic
enigma.
“My one liners make the world go round.” Nick Kent is self-confident,
which is a good quality to have.
“Yeah we like to bastardize your shit. Get over it.” Stephanie Gales on
American adaptations.
“Oh yes. Those people.” Dr. Charlotte Chopin isn’t a big fan of Daily Mail
readers.
“I’m getting a hint of… pissed.” Hugo Poon tastes wine.
“To be fair, hot wee doesn’t smell that bad.” Calum Paramor (BA3) has
an interesting concept of taste.
43
“You can’t revoke an ejaculation…. Well you can’t!” Josh Hannon
(BA3) comes across interestingly.
“I like to think of myself as being more of a big cat: territorial, brutish
and good at running on all fours.” Nick Kent (BA3) is a beast.
“I just want a potato, you know? To soak up everything that’s
happening right now.” Chika Alichukwu (BA1)
“Where does he keep his veins?!” James Kelly (BA2) is astounded by
Callum Fisher.
“It’s the going to McDonalds and the… coming home from
McDonald’s.” Dr Louise Lyle is good with her euphemisms for food and
sex.
“So she’s preying on men in McDonald’s?” Sage Gill-Martin (BA3)
doesn’t quite get what she meant.
“Hoo hoo! What’s this cheeky little area? Oh. It’s a cemetery.” James
Kelly, (BA2) sees an unfamiliar big green space.
“Oh shit! Everyone knows I’m a raging homosexual!” Samuel Knight
(BA2)
“What’s hygiene at a time like this?” Lauryn Pipe gets into the essay crunchtime spirit.
44