Alpena Recycling Center LLC

Transcription

Come to northeast Michigan and enjoy...
THE GOOD LIFE
VOL. 6, ISSUe 5 • MAY 2012
MI-Owned, MI-grown
www.thegoodlifepress.com
Editor: I. M. free
Published by The good Life Press
LINCOLN TRUCK CO.
“BRAND SPANKIN’ USED”
100 Main St, Lincoln 48742
(989) 736-7600
FREE!
2007 GMC Sierra, SLE Package, Z-71 offroad Package, 4X4,
Bed liner, dark charcoal interior, steering wheel controls,
towing, very sharp truck!, 1 owner truck! $17,976
2007 Chevy Silverado, LTZ Package, 4x4, 20” Chrome
Rims, Towing Package, matching Topper, Crew Cab,
Running Boards, New Bridgstone Tires, $21,976
2007 GMC Sierra, 4x4, SLT Package, Heated Leather, V8, Power
Moonroof, Bose Stereo, Towing Pkg, 20” Wheels, Aluminum
Wheels, New Bridgestone Tires! Running Boards, $19,976
2010 Chevy Equinox, LT Package, Back Up Camera!, Front
Wheel Drive, 1 owner, Extended bumper to bumper warranty up
to 90K Miles!, pwr seat, aluminum Wheels, 37K miles, $21,476
ALSO AVAILABLE:
2007 Chevy Uplander, Leather, Rear Ent.
2004 Chevy Avalanche, Z-71, 92K miles
2009 Pontiac G6, Hard Top Convertible!
1989 Suzuki Sidekick, 44K Miles!
1999 Jeep Grand Cherokee, Limited
2004 Ford, F-150, FX4, Ext. Cab, Towing
**Bring us your trade-in!!**
WE ‘”BUY” CARS, SUV’S & TRUCKS!!!
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students
a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets
and showed how they would pick up nails and other
bits of iron.
Every morning during our coffee break, my coworkers and I listened to the culinary disasters
of a newlywed colleague. We then tried to
share some helpful hints and recipes.
Now it was question time, and she
asked, “My name begins with the letter
‘M’ and I pick up things. What am I?”
One day she asked us for step-by-step
instructions on cooking sweet potatoes, one
of her husband’s favorites. “I’ve
finally been able to make them
sweet,” she said, “but how do
you make them orange?”
A little boy on the front row proudly
said, “You’re a mother!”
LET’S RIDE!
Price, Professionalism & Personal Service
Call us to Save on
Your insurance!
Alpena • Mio (989) 354-2175
Find us on
Facebook
more of the area’s best dining on pages 37-39 - find many coupons and money-saving offers from our advertisers inside!
Alpena Recycling Center LLC
RIVERSIDE AUTO REPAIR
Tim Keppen • Jimmy Ward
4344 M-32 West, Alpena
104 N. State St., Oscoda • 989-739-0930
(989) 356-5609
COMPLETE AUTO
REPAIR SERVICES
Mechanics avail. 8am-5pm Monday
thru Friday. Due to construction,
call ahead for your convenience.
Also Specializing in
Harley Davidson
PARTS • ACCESSORIES • SERVICE
Authorized Dealer
COLLECTIBLES &
ESTATE AUCTIONS
WE CAN HELP YOU
MAKE $$
We’ll Turn Your
TRASH into CA$H
All Scrap Metal Wanted
Best Prices in the
Northeast!
Locally Owned
SATURDAY
AUCTIONS
2008 Smokercraft Pro
Angler 172 w/115hp
mercury $16,350
Sales - Call John:
John: 989.354.3566
Visit Website
for Dates & Pictures
Call to Consign
989-727-0011
612 S. Ripley Blvd., Alpena
2009 Chevy Silverado
ext cab LT 4wd 46k
miles $23,450
2005 Dodge grand
Caravan SXT fully
Loaded $8,200
2008 Chevy Cobalt
LT 4 door 37k miles
$9,500
WHITETAIL BEND
CAMPGROUND
Rustic Camping • Dump Station
Fishing • Hunting • Hiking Trails • Boating
Electrica
Hookup l
Available
(989) 727-2556
Located on the Northeast End of the Lake • 6531 Hickey Hill Rd., Hubbard Lake
Your Hosts - The Browns
www.whitetailbendcampground.com
Now offering Weekend Canoe Livery & Shuttle Service
FoR MoRE INFoRMATIoN, CALL 989-727-8057
www.PaceHongAuctions.com
For forty years we have
studied bird calls. There are so
many different species , and
to make it more difficult they
have territorial accents just like
people do.
The really amazing thing is, we
have translated all of their calls.
And the message is always the
same. No matter the breed or
the location, the message is
always the same:
“Yah! Yah! Yah! Cats can’t fly!”
JJ’s Catering & Rental
We provide a full-service menu from hors d’oeuvres to buffet to sit
down dinners. We also offer a full range of items for your catering
or business needs for any occasion from casual to elegant.
Ice sculptures,
tables,
dance floors,
tents, port-a-potty,
folding chairs,
linens, dishes,
cooking equipment,
full line of concession
and business
accessories.
117 Ripley • AlpenA, Mi 49707 989-356-5177
located inside Glitz and Glamor Bridal
2 • The Good Life - may 2012
LINCoLN LIoNS 30th
ANNUAL LAKE TRoUT
AND SALMoN FISHING
ToURNMENTS
June 8-10, 2012 at the Harrisville
Harbor. There are 3-day, super and
ladies tournaments. Contact Mark at
989.736.8151 days and 989.255.6324
evenings.
19th ANNUAL
GoURMET DELIGHTS
FREE oPEN ART WoRK
SESSIoNS
East Shore Art Guild & Gallery Inc.,
FREE Open ART Work Sessions
held every Thursday 10:00a.m. 12:30p.m. located at the Alcona
County EMS Building on M-72. For
More Information, contact
Bernie Blaszak at (989) 724-6347
STEEL MAGNoLIAS
BLooM IN THE SPRING
ART SHoW & SALE
Brought to you by Quota International
of Iosco County. Sunday May 6, 2012,
Apr 21 - May 6, 2012 at Thunder Bay
11:00a.m. – 2:00p.m. at East Tawas
Theatre. Donated works will be on
Community Center on Newman
Street. Adults $15.00, Children (5-10 display during all performances of “Steel
Magnolias” and Thursday-Saturday from
yrs) $5.00, Children 4 and Under
11am to 4pm
FREE. Tickets available at: Alley Cuts
www.ThunderBayTheatre.com
and Village Chocolatier. Proceeds go
to support Quota’s local programs:
Hearing & Speech, Community
Service & Disadvantaged Families.
For info, call 362-2790
PoLKA PRAISE SERVICE
May 19th, 5pm at St. Matthew
Lutheran Church, 7109 Wolf Creek
Rd., Herron. For more info, call
989-727-2769
Happy
Mothers Day
from The
Good Life!
14th ANNUAL FRIENDS
ToGETHER “SCRAMBLE
FoR FRIENDS”
May 19, 2012, 8:30 AM at River’s
Edge Golf Club, 6373 Werth Road Alpena. For info, contact Judy Burns at
989-356-3231.
ALPENA FARMERS
MARKET
Saturdays, May 12 - Nov 10, 2012
8:00 AM To 1:00 PM, Behind City Hall
just off of River Street
www.alpenafarmersmarket.org
JUNK IN YoUR TRUNK &
GENTLY-READ BooKSALE
BENEFIT AUCTIoN FoR
THE ASSoCIATIoN oF
LIFELoNG LEARNERS
May 19, 2012 at Pace & Hong
Auctions, at the corner of Ripley
Blvd. and Grant Street in Alpena. To
donate your items, or if you have any
questions, please call Jody Kirschner
at 727-0011 Ext. 4.
PERENNIAL PLANT SALE
AND BAKE SALE
ICE CREAM SoCIAL/
PoPS CoNCERT
PATIENT SUPPoRT
GRoUPS AT THE
HARRISVILLE HoLISTIC
CENTER
May 17-20, 2012. For information, visit May 26th, 10 AM-2 PM at Lincoln Depot.
Sponsored by Alcona Historical Society.
www.tawasbirdfest.com
Sunday, May 20, 2012 at Oscoda High
School. 6th thru 12th grade bands.
$5.00 a bowl with free refills until the
ice cream runs out or the concert is
over, whichever comes first.
5th ANNUAL TAWAS CITY
FIRE DEPT WALLEYE
ToURNAMENT
19th Annual
BLESSING oF THE
BIKES & “FUN RUN”
Saturday, May 19, 2012 in
Downtown Hillman. Registration
begins at 9am. Blessing begins at
11am. Fun Run begins at Noon at
Lickety Splits.
20th ANNUAL
SHoRELINE
(MEMoRIAL DAY) ARTS
& CRAFTS SHoW
ALCoHoLICS ANoNYMoUS
May 26 & 27, 2012 in Tawas City
Park, Tawas City
www.tawas.com
Tuesday - Friday
How come we’ve never
heard about a psychic
winning the lottery?
Help Wanted
UNMATCHED COMMISSIONS PAID
for independent, self-motivated sales
people in the Sterling/Standish/Au Gres and
Grayling/Roscommon areas.
For more information, contact:
The Good Life Press
P.O. Box 92 • Lincoln MI 48742
Phone 989.335.3642
Ne
NoRTHEAST
MICHIGAN REGIoNAL
FARM MARKET
Every Saturday 8am - 1pm starting
on May 19, 2012 in East Tawas-Corner of Sawyer & Westover
www.getitfresh.org
oSCoDA FARMERS
MARKET 2012
May 23 - Oct 30, 2012. Location
in the Oscoda Area Chamber of
Commerce parking lot (AuSable
Shoreline Park) Off US-23 at the
mouth of the river. Hours will be 9-2
every Wednesday. Call 989.362.3531
Saturday, May 19th, 9am Shotgun Start
at Eagle Ridge Golf Club of Glennie
3501 M-65, Glennie. For more
information & reservations please call:
(989) 305-5378 by May 5th.
7th ANNUAL TAWAS PT.
BIRDING FESTIVAL
May 19, 2012 9am - 1pm at Tawas City
Library-Tawas City. Hosted by Tawas
City Library Friends. For more info, call
the library at 989-362-6557.
May 5, 2012. Contact Dean Ulman
989-305-5880
oUR KIDS oRGANIZATIoN~
SFC MARK W. JACKSoN
MEMoRIAL SCHoLARSHIP
GoLF EVENT FUNDRAISER
Every Tuesday, 2-5pm. Patient
support is a small public meeting,
discussing the law, types of
medication, how to grow and any
other concerns that patients or
caregivers have. Also on May
22nd, Dr Bob and the Certifcation
Crew will be doing certifcations and
renewals Appointments filling fast!
AMERICAN LEGIoN PoST
#104 IN STANDISH
OPEN MEETING
First and Third Saturday of Every
Month at 7:00 PM
Alpena Regional Medical Center
Auditorium. PUBLIC WELCOME
Rummage / Flea Market
May 18 & 19, 2012, 9am-5pm
Tables/Space Rental @ $20/ea.
Public Welcome
Auxiliary Bake Sale & Luncheon
Contact Letty at 989-714-3372 or the
Post at 989-846-4091.
9th Annual ALPENA
BLUES FESTIVAL
AMERICAN LEGIoN PoST
#104 IN STANDISH
June 22-23, 2012. “Early Bird”
passes now available online.
Visit www.alpenablues.com for
more info.
AMERICAN RED CRoSS
BLooD DRIVE
ongoing dates throughout
northeast Michigan.
Call 1-800-RED-CROSS (733-2767)
or visiti RedCrossBlood.org to
make an appointment.
Memorial Garden - $5 Donation
We will display a flag for your loved one
“In Memory of,” “In Honor of,” “Thank You
for your Service.”
Memorial Day Service May 28, 2012
(Time to be announced)
3221 M-76, Standish
Mail donation to or drop off at Post
P.O. Box 956, Standish, MI 48658
with Serviceman’s Information.
Proceeds go towards the betterment of
our veterans.
See our Dining and Entertainment Section for More Community Events
Submit Your Group’s events to The Good Life
Community Calendar! See below for contact info...
For More Community Events, Visit Your Local Chambers of Commerce Online:
www.tawas.com • www.oscoda.com • www.haleyes.org
www.alpenacvb.com • www.huronshoreschamber.com
publisher and editor-at-Large: Chris rayburn
The Good Life Press
P.O. Box 92, Lincoln, MI 48742
Cell: 989-335-3642
www.thegoodlifepress.com • e-mail: info@thegoodlifepress.com
Joke contributions are always welcome! Send jokes and other funny stuff
to the address above or email.
We also invite non-profit organizations to send event information for our
community calendar for dates in June and early July.
All materials presented in The Good Life are for your entertainment only. Although we strive for accuracy, neither
The Good Life Press nor its advertisers or other associates offer any warranty as to the accuracy of any information
presented in The Good Life. Neither The Good Life Press nor its advertisers or other associates will assume any
liability for typographical mistakes, misprinted information, or other errors.
The Good Life - may 2012 • 3
find “the good life press” on facebook
They Call Me the
Chippewa Point Grocery Store
6575 US. 23 South , Spruce, MI
My first job was working
in an orange juice factory,
but I got canned ... couldn’t
concentrate.
Check us out on the web or Facebook for more info!
5003 Cedar Lake Rd., Oscoda • Just off US-23, behind Zubek Motors
OscodaExchange.com
989-569-3720
After that I tried to be a
tailor, but I just wasn’t suited
for it. Mainly because ...it was
a so-so job.
Next I tried working in a
muffler factory, but that
...was exhausting.
A redneck walks into a hardware store and asks for a
chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman
recommends the top of the line model. The redneck is
suitably impressed, and buys it.
I wanted to be a barber, but
...I just couldn’t cut it.
The next day he brings it back and says, “This chainsaw is
defective. It would only cut down one tree and it took all the
gosh-darned day!”
Then I tried to be a chef -figured it would add a little
spice to my life, but I just
...didn’t have the thyme.
The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what’s
wrong, and the redneck asks, “What’s that noise?”
the good life
My best job was being a
musician, but eventually I
found ...I wasn’t noteworthy.
Advertising executive
I studied a long time to
become a doctor, but I...
didn’t have any patients.
For Placing Advertisement in Alpena,
ossineke and Hubbard Lake, Call
Next was a job in a shoe
factory; I tried but I ...just
didn’t fit in.
I became a professional
fisherman, but discovered
that I ...couldn’t live on my
net income.
Cell: 1-989-820-7182
Cindy Marsh
Cell: 1-989-590-2348
For Placing Advertisement in Alpena and
Montmorency Counties, Call
Jimmy Dean
Cell: 1-989-255-1384
e-mail: alpenajimmy@gmail.com
For Placing Advertisement in the Hale and
Whittemore areas, Call
Thought about becoming a
witch, so I ...tried that for a
spell.
I managed to get a good
job working for a poolmaintenance company,
but the work was ...just too
draining.
Kristin Squires
I got a job at a zoo feeding
giraffes, but I was fired
because I ...wasn’t up to it.
Cell: 1-989-254-9247
So then I got a job in a
fitness-center, but they said I
...wasn’t fit for the job.
For Placing Advertisement in Presque Isle
County, Call
Donna Klein
Cell: 1-989-306-3951
For placing Advertisement in Alpena and
Alcona Counties, Call
patti Davis
Cell: 1-989-255-6899
$1.00 of Jerky with This Ad
(per pound, expires 5/30/12)
Special Offer for Adults 55 and Over!
All-inclusive, maintenance-free condos in Oscoda
with full amenities available for rent at $650/month
Call 1-800-386-7133 for details
5951 N. Skeel Ave., Oscoda, MI 48750
www.oscodaseniorliving.com
I attempted to be a deli
worker, but any way I
sliced it, I...couldn’t cut the
mustard.
For Placing Advertisement in oscoda
and The Tawases, Call
Jeanine ream
989-471-9159
Groceries • Beer • Wine • liquor
lottery • Fresh deli • Gas & diesel
Next, I found being an
electrician interesting, but
the work was shocking and I
...was discharged.
After many years of trying
to find steady work I finally
got a job as a historian until I
realized there was ...no future
in it.
My last job was working at a
coffee shop, but I had to quit
because...it was always the
same old grind.
Last night I played a blank tape at full
blast. The mime next door went nuts.
E & T’s Party Store
Pizza • Beer • Liquor • Lotto • Groceries • Deli
7090 E. 634 Hwy. 989-766-8808
e-mail: etps@i2k.com
Posen, MI 49776
Owner: Theresa Lauzon
Miller Office Machines
an authorized Konica Minolta Dealer
GOLD - DIAMONDS - ELECTRONICS
ANTIQUES - COLLECTIBLES - TOOLS
GAMES - DVD’s - MORE
Then I worked in the woods
as a lumberjack, but I just
couldn’t hack it, so ...they
gave me the ax.
(corner of US. 23 and Barlow Rd.)
Sales, Service, Supplies and Printing
“We work hard to earn your business...
and even harder to keep it.”
Bill Miller
Owner/Sales Manager
Cell 989-820-5339
1420 N. F-41, Lincoln, MI 48742
Office 989-736-7631
millerofficemachines@yahoo.com
Mention You’ve Seen This Ad in
“The Good Life” and Receive 10% OFF
Service on Any Office Equipment Repair.
Stop in and Enjoy The Newly Remodeled
S
mokey’
Restaurant & Tavern
East Shore of Hubbard Lake
S
Saturday & Sunday
:
He’s Back
Chef
terry!
Enjoy Our Rotisserie Smoked Chicken or Rib Dinners
Daily Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner Specials
DAILY HAPPY HOUR 4-6PM FREE SNACKS
00
MONDAYS: ADULT HAPPY MEAL $
1/3
15
$
LB.
CHEESEBURGER, FRIES & DOMESTIC BEER
5
95 TUESDAYS: STUFFED BREAD STICKS W/ 4 ITEMS
& ANTI-PASTA SALAD FOR 2 PLUS A PITCHER OF POP
6
WEDNESDAYS: SPAGHETTI & GARLIC TOAST $
CHICKEN FETUCCINI ALFREDO W/ SALAD & GARLIC TOAST $12.95
00
FRIDayS: Famous Fish Fry Fridays
all-you-Can-eat Lightly-Breaded Cod $11.95
now Serving Lake Perch & Gumbo Walleye
SATURDAYS: BBQ NIGHT
A TASTE OF HUBBARD LAKE’S BEST BBQ
Bucket of 5 Beers $6 & 50¢ Wings
Sample Our new Menu
COMinG SOOn!!!
COMINg SOON
In-house Volleyball and
horseshoes
Call for Details
989-727-2112 • Open Daily at 8am • Serving Breakfast 8-Noon Mon-Sat, 8-2 Sun
5982 N. Hubbard Lake Rd., Spruce, MI - “Where Good Friends Meet”
Q: Why is
someone who is
feeling great ‘on
cloud nine’?
Sales &
Service
Cobblestone Bike & Vac
225 W. Chisholm, Alpena • 989-356-1238
A: Types of clouds are
numbered according
to the altitudes they
attain, with nine being
the highest cloud If
someone is said to
be on cloud nine, that
person is floating well
above worldly cares.
GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILABLE
“Providing a full line of beauty services from head to toe”
Anxious to ‘include’ as many minorities,
religions and disabilities as possible, the
human resources department at a university
in Canada has put up a Braille poster outside
its main office. The poster has been placed
inside a display case with a glass front.
POLISh
Serving
Breakfast
all Day
-AMERICAN hOMESTYLE COOKINg
every Day
Open Daily at 8am • Sun-Thur til 7pm, Fri/Sat til 8pm
Continued by Popular Demand
20 Oz. Charbroiled
New York Strip
Potato & salad $12.99
Homemade Pasty Dinners
$8.99
FRIDAY: SEAFOOD NIGHT
All-You-Can-Eat Cod $9.99
Beer-Battered, Baked or Panko
WEDNESDAY & SUNDAY: POLISH NIGHT 2-7PM
PIZZa Carry-out or Dine-in
Fresh Homemade Dough & Sauce
$3.00 OFF
any Large or Medium Pizza
Baba Ruski’s, Ossineke, MI • Good thru 5/31/12
13018 US-23, Ossineke • (989) 471-2300
Peter Simpson
Owner/Operator
Oscoda, MI
lakehuronservices@yahoo.com
989-254-8784
Free Estimates
Senior Discount
Fully Insured
Why do we feel safe under
blankets? It’s not like a murderer
will come in thinking, “I’m gonna
ki...ahh, crap! He’s under a
blanket.”
A woman answered her
front door and found
Little Johnny and Billy
holding a list. “Lady,”
Johnny explained, “we’re
on a scavenger hunt,
and we still need three
grains of wheat, a porkchop bone and a piece
of used carbon paper to
earn a dollar.”
We
Accept
As a young child my mother
told me I could be anyone
I wanted to be. Turns out
the police call this “Identity
Theft.”
Who Needs a Garage Sale?
WELCOME TO THE WRIGHT SHOPPE
“Wow,” the woman
replied. “Who sent you
on such a challenging
hunt?”
We help you trade, and buy anything.
If you need it or want it, we will help you find
it. New stuff weekly. Come and check us out.
We are the Wright people for the job!
“Our baby-sitter’s
boyfriend.”
101 Sable Street, Alpena • 989-379-4601
NOW OPEN - GRAND OPENING SAT., MAY 26th
Open Mon-Fri 11am-6pm • Sat 10am-7pm • Closed Sundays
Salon & Tanning
May Special:
$35 one Month
$35 Pedicures
with Nikki Unlimited Tanning
989.356.0918
424 N. 2nd Ave, Alpena, MI 49707
Q: In golf, where did the term
‘Caddie’ come from?
A. When Mary Queen of Scots, went to France as
a young girl,Louis, King of France , learned that
she loved the Scot game ‘golf.’ So he had the first
course outside of Scotland built for her enjoyment.
To make sure she was properly chaperoned (and
guarded) while she played, Louis hired cadets from
a military school to accompany her. Mary liked this
a lot and when returned to Scotland (not a very
good idea in the long run), she took the practice
with her. In French, the word cadet is pronounced
‘ca-day’ and the Scots changed it into ‘caddie.
tools - Hardware - general Merchandise
Paints - Paint Supplies - Sandpaper
Knives - Pet Supplies & More
tarps - rope - gloves
55 gallon Barrels
Sunrise Surplus
1784 East US-23
East tawas, MI 48730
Mon-Fri 8:30-5:00 • Sat 8:30-4:00
(989) 362-7033
If your parachute doesn’t
open up for you, you’ve
obviously jumped to a
conclusion.
The Moral
of the Story
Mr. Turtle was walking
down the road when he
spotted a crow at the tip
top of a very tall tree. He
shouted, “Good Morning,
Mr. crow.”
Mr. crow shouted back
down, “Good Morning
Mr. Turtle.” Mr. Turtle
shouted up, “Whatcha
doin’ today?” and the
answer shouted back
down was, “Absolutely
nothin’ Mr. Turtle Absolutely nothin’ and
loving it.”
Well, that sounded pretty
good to Mr. Turtle, so
he shouted back up, “Do
you think I could do that
too?” Mr. crow shouted
back down, “I don’t see
why not!” So, Mr. Turtle
lay down on the side of
the road and began Doing
Absolutely Nothing.
In 30 minutes a fox came
along and ate him.
The moral of the story
is: You can get away
with Doing Absolutely
Nothing, but only if you
are really high up.
133 W. Campbell Street
Alpena, MI 49707
Without missing a beat one little boy: (the oldest of a
family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”
Solution at the back of the paper
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Contact Sue at (989) 255-5379
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Tell me you saw it in The Good Life and receive
a FREE GIFT when you host your party!
2
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Now in the Northeast Michigan Area:
e-mail: suefanzone@tupperware.com
www.my2.tupperware.com/suefanzone
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HOST PARTY IN YOUR
HOME - CATALOG PARTIES
AlSO WelCOMe - And
eARn FRee TuPPeRWARe
PRODUCTS
After explaining the commandment to “honor”
thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a
commandment that teaches us how to treat our
brothers and sisters?”
Difficulty:
(5)
Samurai Samurai
- Puzzle 5 of 5 Medium
- Medium
McDonald Bros. Collision
ian McDonald
rich McDonald
A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her five and six year olds.
the Good life Press
FREE ESTIMATES
989-354-8493
106 Second, P.O. Box 10
Lincoln, MI 48742
989-736-8387
Fax 989-736-6301
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www.sudoku-puzzles.net
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OME
UNTER
Realty LLC
Two
Offices to
Serve You
Harrisville
Oscoda
478 Us-23
989-724-6900
1-877-691-6900
3991 Us-23
989-739-2557
1-800-550-7355
Reduced
CEDAR LAKE-NEW LISTING:
7542 Teal, Oscoda $149,900-priced to
sell! # 425-11-0021
NEW 2 BEDRooM listing in Oscoda.
Home is move in ready, includes a
1 car attached garage and sits on
a double lot. 5641 Cedar Lake Rd.
$52,500 #428-12-0002
Reduced
LAKE HURoN HoME in Greenbush 3
bed, 2 bath Located at 1911 Sunrise Dr.
$234,900 # 425-10-0002
Reduced
LAKE HURoN CoTTAGE oN 135’ of
waterfront in Greenbush 2 bedroom.
Priced at $264,900 4109 US 23
#428-09-0021
NEW LISTING LAKE HURoN-oSCoDA
2524 S US 23 Oscoda 150’ on beach and
5 guest cottages. $450,000 # 428-10-0001
NEW LISTING. Clear View and
access to Lake Huron. 7231 N US
23 $175,000 # 428-12-0001
NEW LISTING in the Villages of Oscoda.
3 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath mostly remodeled,
and priced to sell at $35,000. 8121 B
Colorado # 428-11-0017
REDUCED! LINCoLN: 200 N Lake St.,
4 bedroom home NoW $22,000
# 425-11-0016
BLACK RIVER LAKE HURoN: 4460
Lakeshore Dr. $189,900 # 425-09-0016
REDUCED! 5 Bdm, 2 BA, Pole Barn
w/ Game RM $99,900 # 428-09-0005
LINCoLN: 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath, 1 story
with full finished basement.
$229,000 # 425-11-0026
oSCoDA: 6050 Side St.
$45,500 # 425-11-0008
oSCoDA DAIRY QUEEN7 $399,000
POSSIBLE TERMS
#428-10-000 989-820-7343
LINCoLN: 2 bedroom, 2 bath.
$124,900 # 425-11-0027
NEW LISTING 2035 Coville Rd in Lincoln. 3
bedroom and only $69,900. # 425-11-0024
oSCoDA: 5684 Riverview Dr.
$199,500 # 428-11-0007
oSCoDA: Van Ettan Lk access. 6596
Loud Dr. $95,900 # 428-10-0011
PERFECT “UP NoRTH” LAKE HURoN
CoTTAGE with a spectacular view of the
Lake $149.900 # 428-11-0016
HARRISVILLE: 10 acres 4874 E Clark Rd.
$149,900 # 425-11-0001
NEW LISTING WITH ACREAGE
and beautiful home. Located at 6975
Cedar Lake Rd. in Oscoda. Great
for hunting or just some seclusion.
$449,000 # 428-11-0011
The Love Word:
After 6 weeks: I love you, I love you, I love you!
After 6 months: Of course, I love you.
After 6 years: Jeez, if I didn’t love you, then why do
you think I proposed?
Back from Work:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I’m home
After 6 months: BACk!!
After 6 years: What did your mom cook for us today?
Phone Ringing:
After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the
phone
After 6 months: Here, for you
After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE!
Cooking:
After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
After 6 years: AGAIN!
New Dress:
After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like an angel in that
dress.
After 6 months: You bought a new dress again?
After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me?
TV:
After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch
tonight?
After 6 months: I like this movie
After 6 years: I’m going to watch ESPN, if you’re not in
the mood, go to Bed, I can stay up by myself.
Three friends die in a
car accident and they
go to an orientation
in heaven. They are
all asked, “When you
are in your casket and
friends and family are
mourning you, what
would you like to hear
them say about you?
The first guy says,”I
would like to hear them
say that I was a great
doctor of my time, and
a great family man.”
The second guy says,
“I would like to hear
that I was a wonderful
husband and school
teacher which made a
huge difference in our
children of tomorrow.
The last guy replies, “I’d
like to hear them say,
‘Look! He’s Moving!’”
Now Open for the Season
Produce & Meats, Inc.
2584 uS 23 South • Alpena
• Deli Meat & Cheese
• Plants & Flowers
• Fresh Fruits & Vegetables
• Fresh & Smoked Meats
Huge Selection
of Annuals and
Bedding Plants
HOurS: Monday - Friday 8am to 6pm
Saturday 8am to 5pm
and Beginning Mother’s Day, Open Sundays
Mother’s Day is Sunday, May 13th
Don’t Wait ‘til the Last Minute - Make your
Mother’s Day Order early to avoid the Rush!
silk Memorials and Florals available
unique, Fresh Floral art and Silk arrangements
Check Out Our Large Shop of Creative & unusual Gifts!
DELIVERY AVAILABLE IN THE TAWASES
1790 US-23, East Tawas
(Next door to Sunrise Surplus) • 362-4478
Most credit
cards accepted
The Resale Shop
Many
New
Items
Gently-Worn Clothing • Baby Items
Home décor & Collectibles
CONSIGNMENT ITEMS WANTED
& Overstuffed Chairs Wanted
Thursday: “Bag Day”
$5.50 + tax for All Clothing That Fits in the Bag Provided
Open Wed/Thur 1:00-5:30 • Fri 1:30-6:00 • Sat 1:30-5:30 • Sun 1:00-3:00
Located in Hobart’s Plaza, US-23, Oscoda 989-302-7645
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one
engages a discussion about a new restaurant.
If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet
has 25 more letters. Stay calm.
Precious Petals by Jamie
Some men in a pickup truck drove to a lumber yard. One of
the men walked into the office and said, “We need some fourby-twos.”
The clerk asked, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?” The
man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck.
He returned shortly and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-four.”
“All right. How long do you need them?”
The customer paused for a moment and said, “I’d better go
check.”
After a while, he returned to the office and said, - “A long
time. We’re gonna build a house...”
There were two buddies one with a Doberman
Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy
with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, “Let’s
go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.”
The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in
there. We’ve got dogs with us.”
“I was in that new restaurant across the street,” said one. “It’s
so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming
white. There is no dirt anywhere--it’s so sanitary that the whole
place shines.” pr0p3rty0fahaj0kes
The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “Just
follow my lead.” They walk over to the restaurant, the
guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of
dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.
“Please,” said the other roach frowning. “Not while I’m eating!”
The bouncer at the door says, “Sorry, mac, no pets
allowed.”
The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, “You
don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”
TIreS-BrAKeS-STrUTS-ALIGnMenTS
Custom wheels•Motorcycle tires•Lawn & garden tires
The bouncer says, “A Doberman Pinscher?”
He says, “Yes, they’re using them now, they’re very
good.”
Mon-Fri 8am-5pm, Sat by Appointment, Closed Sunday
(989) 739-2039
We accept
Mike Allen
Owner
5115 N. US 23
Oscoda,
Michigan
The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, “What the
heck,” so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts
to walk in.
Once again the bouncer says, “Sorry, pal, no pets
allowed.”
Downtown Hubbard Lake
Live Bait, Minnows,
Crawlers & Leeches, Fishing Tackle,
Knives, Sports Items, Gifts,
Hunting Supplies, T’s & Sweats,
and All Fishing Supplies
Propane Fill & Exchange
(989) 727-2700
Next to The Nor th End Restaurant
Jay Flight Swift 264
The man at the door says, “Come on in.”
The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You don’t
understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer at the door says, “A Chihuahua?”
The man with the Chihuahua says, “A Chihuahua???
They gave me a Chihuahua?!”
Jayco RV’s are
available for all
Size Families!
Jayco 31.5 FBHS Eagle
You’ll Love This Place!
Jay Flight Swift 154
3137 US. 23 South
Alpena MI 49707
Open 9-6 Mon-Fri • 9-4 Sat
Stopping to pick
up my daughter
at kindergarten,
I found out that
the topic of “Show
and Tell” that day
had been parents’
occupations.
The teacher
pulled me aside.
Whispering, she
advised, “You might
want to explain a
little bit more to
your daughter what
you do for a living.”
I work as a training
consultant and
often conduct my
seminars in motel
conference rooms.
When I asked
why, the teacher
explained, “Your
daughter told the
class she wasn’t sure
what you did, but
said you got dressed
real pretty and went
to work at motels.”
A small boy was
looking at the red ripe
tomatoes growing in
the farmer’s garden.
“I’ll give you my two
pennies for that
tomato,” said the boy
pointing to a beautiful,
large, ripe fruit hanging
on the vine.
“No,” said the farmer, “I
get a dime for a tomato
like that one.”
Financing As Low As 4.9%
Jayco 32BHDS
Show & Tell
(989) 356-4141
or
1-800-968-1976
The small boy pointed
to a smaller green
one, “Will you take two
pennies for that one?”
“Yes,” replied the
farmer, “I’ll give you
that one for two cents.”
“OK,” said the lad,
sealing the deal by
putting the coins in the
farmer’s hand, “I’ll pick
it up in about a week.”
Live in a community that is
~Safe and Quiet ~
The Alpena Pines Apartments
at 202 Woods Circle
is Now Leasing
Only one condominium left at “The Willows”
Please call 989-278-4250 (a local call)
for more information.
55+ Active Living ~ Senior Housing
Rent Rate Based on Annual Income
The
Alpena Mall
We Are Still
Here!
3137 US. 23 South • Alpena, MI 49707
(989) 356-4141 or 1-800-968-1976
Antiques Mall Of Alpena
NOW BUYINg gOLD & SILVeR
BeST PRICeS PAID!
209 N. Second, Alpena
989-354-3876 or 354-6036
Open 7 Days a Week, Monday thru Saturday 10 to 6 – Sunday 11 to 3
KRIS MART
The One Stop Store
Your Holiday Cookout Headquarters - Best Meat - Best Prices Every Day
Choose from a Great
T-Bone $7.89/lb. • Porterhouse $7.99/lb. • Ribeye $7.99/lb.
Let Us Make
• Whole New York Strips $4.99/lb. (Sliced Free) Selection of Frozen Fish
Your Party NY Strip Steaks $7.99/lb.
10 lb. Box Koegel Viennas $33.99
Trays, Fruit,
Many Varieties at $5.99/lb.
Ground Chuck $3.09/lb. • Old Fashioned Polish Sausage $2.39/lb.
Vegetable, Meat
Hormel Lemon-Garlic Pork Loin $2.19/lb.
& Cheese Trays Dearborn Smoked Sausage $3.19/lb. • Breakfast Sausage $1.69/lb. 4 oz. Lobster Tails $6.99 ea.
24-Hour Notice
Required
Homemade Brats $2.39/lb. • Sandwich Spread $2.19/lb.
Whole Pork Loins (Boneless) $2.59/lb. • Koegel’s Pickled Bologna 2.5 lb. Jar $8.99
Skinless, Boneless Chicken Breast $2.29/lb. • Lamb Chops $6.99/lb.
Try One of Our Daily Hot Deli Food Specials
More Savings in our Deli Department
Weekly Specials on Deli-Sliced Lunch Meats & Cheeses
Cold Salads & Side Dishes
House Smoked Meats
Half Chicken, Ribs,
Roast & More!
Available at the
Deli Counter
WE
NOW
ACCEPT
W.I.C.
Value Pizza
Med/1-Item
$5.99
Whole Rotisserie Chicken
$6.99
8-Piece Fried Chicken
$8.99
Whole Rotisserie Chicken or 8-pc. Fried
Chicken Dinner, including lg. mashed potato &
gravy, lg. cole slaw and 4 buttermilk biscuits
$13.99
Enter to Win This
Month’s Giveaways!
CASE SPECIAL:
24-Pk. Coke Products
$6.99 + dep.
while supplies last
Many Hot Lunch & Dinner Items
Served Daily ‘til 8pm
~ AVAILABLE ANYTIME ~
Anything from our deli menu can be prepared with
15-minute advance order (with the exception of pizza) until 8pm
863 N. Barlow, Lincoln, MI
Visit the Beer
Cave where it
is always 34
Degrees!
DVD & Blu-Ray Rental
Phone (989) 736-8027
HOURS: Mon - Thurs, 6:30am - 10pm • Fri/Sat 6:30am - 11pm • Sun 8am - 10pm
YOU’LL ALWAYS SAVE MORE AT KRIS MART
Advertised prices good for May 1-14, 2012 or as marked
Abend Brothers Collision, Inc.
10130 US 23 South, P.O. Box 94
Ossineke, MI 49766
Ph: 989-471-2811 Fax: 989-471-2291
Reg. No. F-138693
I like to stop the microwave with one second to go;
it makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
When the wealthy businessman choked on a fish bone at a
restaurant, he was fortunate that a doctor was seated at a
nearby table.
Springing up, the doctor skillfully removed the bone and
saved his life.
As soon as the fellow had calmed himself and could talk
again, he thanked the surgeon enthusiastically and offered
to pay him for his services.
“Just name the fee,” he croaked gratefully.
“Okay,” replied the doctor. “How about half of what you’d
have offered when the bone was still stuck in your throat?”
- Signs In a clothing
store:
“Wonderful bargains
for men with 16 and 17
necks.”
- In the window of an
Oregon general store:
“Why go elsewhere to be
cheated, when you can
come here?”
- In a Pennsylvania
cemetary:
“Persons are prohibited
from picking flowers
from any but their own
graves.”
- On a Tennessee
highway:
“Take notice: when this
sign is under water, this
road is impassable.”
- From the safety
information card in an
airline seat pocket:
“If you are sitting in an
exit row and can not read
this card, please tell a
crew member.”
- On a Maine shop:
“Our motto is to give our
customers the lowest
possible prices and
workmanship.”
- On a delicatessen
wall:
“Our best is none too
good.”
$64,000
Question
Bob had finally made it to the last
round of the $64,000 Question. The
night before the big question, he told
the Emcee that he desired a question
on American History.
The big night had arrived. Bob
made his way on stage in front of
the studio and TV audience. He had
become the talk of the week. He was
the best guest this show had ever
seen. The Emcee stepped up to the
mike.
“Bob, you have chosen American
History as your final question. You
know that if you correctly answer
this question, you will walk away
$64,000 dollars richer. Are you
ready?”
Bob nodded with a cocky confidence
- the crowd went nuts. He hadn’t
missed a question all week.
“Bob, your question on American
History is a two-part question. As
you know, you may answer either
part first. As a rule, the second half
of the question is always easier.
Which part would you like to take a
stab at first?”
Bob was now becoming more
noticeably nervous. He couldn’t
believe it, but he was drawing a
blank. American History was his
easiest subject, but he played it safe.
“I’ll try the second part first.”
The Emcee nodded approvingly.
“Here we go Bob. I will ask you the
second half first, then the first half.”
The audience silenced with gross
anticipation...
NOW OPEN IN ALPENA
Haglund Landscaping
SMALL ENGINE REPAIR & HUSQVARNA RETAILER
2316 M-32 West, Alpena • 989-354-2523
A Familiar Face from the Harrisville Place Here to Serve All Your outdoor Power Equipment Needs
OnSite
Demo
Try It
Out!
New
Item
Model 555
Auto Tune
$639.95
Oregon 28-Ton
Honda Splitter
Full Sales & FULL SERVICE
Dealer Both Are Better!
See the Full Spring
Lineup of Zero Turns,
Tractors, Tillers,
Blowers, Trimmers
and More!
WOOD SPLITTERS
NOW ON SALE
$2,399
327P5X Pole Saw
SALE $509.95
Reg $549.95
GIFT
CERTIFICATES
AVAILABLE
20 and 28-Ton
Models in Stock
Spring Tune-up Specials on All Outdoor Power Equipment – All Makes & Models
State and Nationally Certified Technicians to Serve You Best
Open Mon-Fri 8-6 • Sat 9-5
4999 M-72 • Harrisville, MI
(989) 724-5599
U
N
L
D
G
’
A
HALL OUTDOORSS
A Huge Selection In Stock - Rifles, Pistols & Ammo - Lots of Accessories
GUNS ~ BUY ~ SELL ~ TRADE
PAYING CASH FOR NEW AND USED GUNS
COMPLETE GUNSMITHING • APPRAISALS • ESTATE BUYING
ALL DARTON BOW & ACCESSORIES BLOWOUT
TARGETS FRoM TURKEYS To ZoMBIES
FULL LINE oF RCBS RELoADING EQUIPMENT
WIDE VARIETY oF PoWDER
Stop in and Save on the Special of the
Week - A New Item Each Week
Thompson Center Venture Rifles In Stock
New Scorpion and Serpent Crossbows in Stock – FREE Setup w/ Purchase
“Bob, here is your question: And in
what year did it happen??”
New Stock of
Ruger 10-22’s
Some people hear voices.... some see
invisible people.... and some have no
imagination whatsoever.
S
BLOWOUT SAVINGS THROUGHOUT THE STORE ON
MOWERS,TILLERS,TRIMMERS & MORE
husqvarna Chainsaws Starting at $199.95
The Simple Life Resale Store
Upscale Clothing,
Funiture and More
Open Monday thru Friday 10:00 to 5:00
Saturday 10:00 to 2:00.
neW lOCATIOn:
2643 US-23 S., Alpena
989-340-0749
“We can still be friends” is like saying,
“The dog died but we can keep it.”
BUYING USED FIREARMS ANY CONDITION
A flight attendant on
a cross-country flight
nervously announced:
about 30 minutes outbound
from LA, “I don’t know
how this happened, but
we have 103 passengers
aboard and only 40
dinners.”
When the passengers’
muttering had died down,
she continued, “Anyone
who is kind enough to give
up his meal so someone
else can eat will receive
free drinks for the length
of the flight.”
Her next announcement
came an hour later. “If
anyone wants to change
his mind, we still have 29
dinners available!”
RESIDENTIAL
COMMERCIAL
25 Years of
Experience
All types
of roofing
siding
Windows
serving
Michigan
AL PETERS JR.
state licensed estimator
cell: 989-724-8237
Office: 989-739-7923
toll free: 888-461-7663 fax: 989-739-7921
hartmanroofing@charter.net
licensed
& insured
I should have studied to be
a counselor or psychiatrist
of some sort. It’d be nice to
get paid to listen to people’s
problems and pretend I
give a hoot.
Honor and Cherish
Life is like a
doughnut.
You’re either
in the dough
or in the hole.
You are about to set the stage for the most
important day of your life!
We will officiate at your wedding, no matter
where or when you choose, whether on our
lovely beaches, at one of several inns, or
restaurants, near the light house, even in your
own home.
Patty & Dennis Turbin
P.O. Box 205
Oscoda MI 48750
989-859-7343
www.honorandcherish.net
Member Oscoda Chamber of Commerce
honorandcherish@charter.net
“If the ‘black box’ flight recorder is never
damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the
whole airplane made out of that stuff?”
– George Carlin
DRUG
212 S. State St. Oscoda, MI 48750
Family Owned Since 1939
We
Accept All
Medicare
Part A, B &
D Plans
Gilbert’s Prescription Savings Club
Compare to other store plans. 100’s of 30-day generics
at $3.88 per prescription. See store for details.
Turn Your Photos into Greeting Cards with Our Digital Photo Center!
Also See Our Expanded Apparell and Grocery Lines - EBT Accepted
website: www.gilbertdrug.com
ph: (989) 739-7585
Computer Addict 12-Step Program
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper
like I used to, before the Web.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand
typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
Relaxed Fine Dining & Spirited Drink
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan
dinner before even thinking of the Web.
MONDAY-THURSDAY
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and
family that are Web-deprived.
BBQ Babyback Ribs $11.95
1/2 slab, tossed salad, baked potato & veggie
Pan-Fried Perch $11.95
French fries fresh veggie and cole slaw
Chicken Especiale $11.95
Risotto potatoes fresh veggie and tossed salad
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.
7) I will read a book...if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them
to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
Substitutions add $1.00
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
Dine-in Only - Take-outs Add $2.00
Or enjoy a selection from our regular menu
Lunch 11:30am-3:30pm • Mon-Thurs Dinner 4:30-8:30pm
Fri/Sat Dinner 4:30-9:30pm • Closed Sundays
OPEN MOTHERS DAY, Sun., May 13th, Noon - 6pm
Dinner Menu Only - Call for Specials
739-1518 • 111 East Dwight in Downtown Oscoda
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is
necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance
my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime
... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!
209 S. State Street • Oscoda
(989) 747-0000
Financing with Huron Community Bank
Available Upon Approval
2007 Jeep Wrangler. Chrome wheels + soft top, 6-speed. 34k
Miles, New condition, $18,900
2005 Pontiac Montana. Extended van. Chrome wheels, extra clean. Nice! $7,650
2005 Chevrolet Silverado 1500. Crew cab, 1/2 ton, brandnew condition. One owner. $12,500
2008 Chevrolet Impala. Silver, chrome wheels, 3.5L, bucket seats, 49k miles. Beautiful car. $13,950
2007 Jeep Grand Cherokee. Black, V8. Sharp! $15,800
2008 Chevrolet Uplander. Extended. All pwr., CD/stereo, 2006 Buick Rendezvous. Silver/blue. V6, chrome wheels.
great family van. $11,600
Sharp vehicle! $9,000
2003 Ford F-350 Diesel Ext. Cab. Gray with 4WD, chrome
2004 Chevrolet Venture. 32k Miles, nice and clean. $9,700
wheels. Excellent condition. $14,900
PROVIDING 1 DAY IN & OUT ROOF REPLACEMENT
John’s Home Maintenance
Celebrating 30 Years
Serving Northern Michigan
Free Estimates,
Professional Services
at Affordable Prices
Licensed, Insured & Bonded
Shingle, Metal &
Rubber Roofs
989-736-8315
800-968-7380
The Largest and Oldest Roofing Contractor in the Area
A Licensed Applicator for GAF and CertainTeed
Tell John you Saw It in The Good Life and Receive a FREE
50-Year, 100%, Non-prorated Warranty on Your Roofing E-mail: johnshomemaint@yahoo.com
at No Extra Charge When You Choose the
ROOFING
SPECIALISTS
Residential
Commercial
See Office for Details
We Work with All
Insurance Companies
In August 2011, a severe hailstorm passed through Alcona
County. Many homes sustained damage to their roofs, gutters
and siding. With one call to
JOHN’S HOME MAINTENANCE
you’ll receive a no-charge estimate for the repair or replacement of
your roof. So don’t call a contractor that can only do one job –
Hire the company that can do it ALL!!!
ATTENTION ACTIVE MILITARY, VETERANS & RETIREES:
GAF, a US-based corporation, is giving back to our troops
by offering a rebate for our brave men and women, offered
exclusively through GAF factory-certified contractors.
$300 REBATE*
on your GAF Lifetime Roofing System. *See office for details.
Our estimates include a literature packet with brochures, color options, installation and product
information, along with our extensive reference list. Go with the best and forget the rest!
BikerGarage101
MOTORSPORTS and Outdoor EQUIPMENT for Less!
3950 Arrow St. Oscoda 48750 - on the former air base
989-569-3660
Spring Madness Sale!
Come In Now! Sensational Prices, While They Last!
Register to Win a Husqvarna Hand-held Blower
Ask
Easy
About
ng!
Financi
Bad Boy
Outlaw 61”
XP Kawasaki/
Grammer Seat/ROPS
$9,600.68
(See Store for Details)
MOWERS AND EQUIPMENT
Bad Boy MZ
48” 726CC
KAWASAKI
$3,899.00
King Kutter Landscape
Rakes Starting at
$549.00
King Kutter 5 ft.
Rotary Kutter
$1,099.00
King Kutter 5 ft.
Gear Drive Rotary
Tiller $1,699.00
HUGE SELECTION OF TRAILERS! EASY FINANCING
5x8 Utility Trailer Open Steel - Low as $999.00
5x8 Utility Trailer Wood Side $1,249.00
6 1/2 x 14 Utility Trailer, Wide Body,
ATV Side Rail Ramps, Single Axle $1,599.00
CUSTOM TRAILERS AVAILABLE
EXCITING SCOOTERS!
Up to 117 Miles per Gallon! Trikes Just Arrived!
Romeo 150cc
$1,599.00
La Vida 50cc
$1,299.00
ATM50-A1
$799.00
SR070
$599.00
SRST125-6
$1,399.00
PST50s-12
$2,699.00
HURRY IN FOR SPECTACULAR SIDE X SIDE DEALS!
Rancher LT
$3,999.00
GTS 150
$2,899.00
SRQ110U
$699.00
Utility ATV 400 SRQ110P Mini ATV
$599.00
$4,899.00
www.BikerGarage101.com
Save an Additional 5% on Quality Husqvarna Products
at BikerGarage101 When You Mention This Ad!
Zero-Turn Mowers
46” For maneuverability, efficiency and convenience in a
homeowner zero-turn mower package, the residential series
really delivers. true zero-turn mower performance with twin,
maintenance-free integrated transmissions, heavy-duty front
casters and a rugged
tube
steel
frame.
Kohler Courage, 23 hp.
Stamped deck, #rZ4623
(8216647)
$
42”
Briggs & Stratton, 20 hp. Hydrostatic,
#ytH2042 (8216602)
42” Briggs & Stratton, 22 hp. Hydrostatic.
#ytH22V42 (8216605)
2,599
95
48” Fabricated deck, 24 hp. Briggs and
Stratton. #EZ4824 (8216648)
$
54”
$
Kohler Courage, 24 hp. Stamped
deck. #rZ5424 (8216650)
48”
Briggs & Stratton, 23 hp. Hydrostatic.
#ytH23V48 (8216604)
54”
Briggs & Stratton, 26 hp. Hydrostatic.
#ytH26V54 (8216607)
4,19995
48” Kohler 24 hp. Hydrostatic, Fast tractor.
#ytH24K48 (8216606)
42”
Briggs & Stratton, 22 hp. Hydrostatic,
#ytH22V42LS (8216603)
2,999
95
54” Kawasaki, 24 hp. Hydrostatic. #LGt24K54
(8216601)
String Trimmers
Straight Shaft
28cc
#128LD
(8216201)
24.5cc
#223L
(8216202)
25cc
#224L
(8216204)
24.5cc
#327L
(8216205)
$
$
Lawn Mowers/Trimmer
158cc
21” 550 Series. rear bag.
#961340008 (8216500). While supplies
last.
160cc
#7021p
$
28995
173cc Features a key start for easy
starting. #Xt722FE (8216502)
$
32995
(8216505)
32995
Realtree hardwoods
®
green hD Camouflage
329
95
engine.
(8216700)
9,299
95
$59995
26” front Tine $
#Ft900 (8216704)
(8216803)
Starting at
$
Honda
Tiller/Cultivators 190cc
Briggs & stratton engine, high Wheel
14” rear tine. 900 OHV
Trimmer
Series. #Crt900
#HuV4414GX (8216801)
$
17999
23995
bag and mulch and side discharge.
#6021p (8216501)
green
Starting at
$
149cc three cutting systems, collection $
Whether you are working on the
farm, on your way to your favorite
hunting spot or just out for an
off-road drive, the HuV4414
series is the perfect match for your
Landowner activities. Available in
2-wheel drive or 4-wheel drive with
a full range of accessories, the
mid-size HuV adapts to almost any
requirement. Available in orange,
green or realtree Hardwoods
Green HD® camouflage.
24995
$
$
199
95
Garden Tractors
$
1,49995
$
1,59995
$
1,79995
$
1,99995
$
1,89995
$
2,29995
$
2,39995
17” Dual Rotating
$
Rear Tine
10,14990
#Drt900 (8216701)
44995
749
95
Briggs & stratton
engine. 12” plastic
rear tires. 4 cycle.
#Hu625HWt
(8216504)
$33995
Chain Saws
16”, 34.4cc,
1.8 hp
Equipped with Smart
start light duty,
#235-16 (8216300)
$
199
95
16”
40.9cc, 2.2 hp,
#435-16 (8218301)
18”
45.7cc, 2.8 hp,
#445-18 (8216302)
20” 55.5cc, 3.8 hp,
#455-20 (8216305)
14”
39cc, 2.3 hp,
#338Xp (8210304)
27995
$
31995
$
39995
$
50995
$
18” 50.1cc, 3.7 hp, $51995
#346Xp-18 (8216306)
18”
#365-18
20”
56.5, 4.4 hp,
70.7cc, 5.3 hp,
#372Xp-20 (8216307)
61995
$
84995
$
Pole Saw
Includes telescopic tube. Versatile cutter
head makes it easy to reach even dense
trees and bushes without using a ladder or
cherry picker. #327pt5S (8216206)
$59995
Leaf Blowers
28cc
(8216120)
170 mph
#125B
29.5cc
mph
50.2cc
mph
145
#130Bt (8216121)
180
#350Bt (8216129)
www.BikerGarage101.com
or Visit Us at 3950 Arrow St. Oscoda, MI 48750
15995
$
21995
$
30995
$
historic Military
Vehicle Show and
MV Swap Meet
At the Wurtsmith Air Museum
on the former Wurtsmith AFB in Oscoda, Michigan
June 8, 9, 10 2012
th
this year’s theme is
Military Motorcycles
calling all military motorcycles for duty
and display – there is a $10 registration
fee for authentic military motorcycles
put on display for the event, and a
prize/award will be given for the one
judged to be the best.
see a great display of privately owned
historic military vehicles & motorcycles
in addition to military vehicle parts &
memorabilia for sale.
We also invite & encourage military
service commemorating & patriotic
themed civilian motorcycles for display.
as they will be coming and going,
the patriotically themed civilian
motorcycles will be displayed in close
proximity to but somewhat separated
from the authentic military issued
motorcycles and there will be no prize
given nor registration fee.
For more info, visit
www.mimvpa.org
or call:
Bob: 989-728-6690
chuck: 989-739-8403
Matt: 231-330-8806
For lodging & area info, go to
www.oscoda.com
schedule of events
Friday, June 8th
sunrise - Authentic Native American Prayer Fire
Ceremony Begins
9:00 a.m. - Reveille and Opening Ceremony
7:00 p.m. - Show closes for the day
saturday, June 9th
9:00 a.m. - Show opens with Reveille
7:00 p.m. - Show closes for the day
8:00 p.m. - Convoy of military vehicles through
surrounding areas and Oscoda proper
sunday, June 10th
9:00 a.m. - Show opens with Reveille
12:00 p.m. - Closing Ceremony
this is a Free educational fun event
for the entire family!
We sUpport aND hoNor oUr troops & VeteraNs aNy Way We caN!
www.bikergarage101.com
enjoy Free shuttle service to oscoda Biker Daze all Weekend - Just 3 Blocks away
Quotes from Real Managers
recently, a magazine ran a contest. they were
looking for people to submit quotes from
their real-life managers. here are some of the
submissions:
- As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to
access the building using individual security cards.
Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their
cards in two weeks.
- What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter.
- E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be
used only for company business.
- This project is so important, we can’t let things that are more
important interfere with it.
- Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will
believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on
it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know
when it’s time to tell them.
- Quote from the Boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.”
- We recently received a memo from senior management saying:
“This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the
subject mentioned above.”
- One day my Boss asked for a status report concerning a project I was
working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said
“If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask
for it!”
All Roads Lead to...
NOW
for 20 OPEN
12 Sea
son
SEE ThE ALL-NEW 2012 JAYCO PINNACLE
It Doesn’t Cost Extra to Go First Class
2-Year Top-to-Bottom
Warranty
Let us help put your family into the RV that fits your finances!
Jay’s RV
Selling and
Servicing Quality
Jayco RV’s
for 29 Years
Red Carpet Service
After the Sale
COMING SOON
See the
ALL-NEW
Jayco Swift 165
1554 US-23 • East Tawas, MI 48730
(989) 362-2910 or 800-362-4075
Visit www.JaysRV.com
Concert Connection
Smoking Accessories
Rock T-Shirts & More!
(989) 356-4900
Hours: Noon-6:30pm, Mon-Sat
113 River Street
Alpena, MI 49707
Whispers
“THE PLANT A SEED SALE”
25% Off Entire Inventory of Adult
Products All Month Long
111 River Street
Alpena, Michigan 49707
Hours: Noon-Midnight Mon thru Sat., Sun Noon-6pm
(989) 358-2045
739-7911
4431 n. US-23, Oscoda
When You need repair, Call the
Only 911 number that Matters!
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to
cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually
challenged co-worker of mine when she asked if I knew
what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind
people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded,
“What on earth are blind people doing driving?!”
NORTHERN ACCENTS
Spring Specials Throughout the Store
Dr. Terry D. Trombley Palmer Graduate
Skilled and Gentle Chiropractic Care
Rhythm Clocks • Beautiful Throws
Made in the USA Upholstered & Log Furniture
Highest Value & Quality at Warehouse Prices
Summer Hours:
Sunday/Monday Closed • Tuesday 9am-9pm • Wednesday 8am-9pm
Thursday 8am-1pm • Friday 9am-9pm • Saturday 8am-1pm
OPEN year ‘round
(989) 739-0077
Fax 989-739-2743
5671 N. Skeel Ave. • Located in the Base Hospital, Oscoda
Bob’s Gun Shop
BUY - SELL - TRADE
Authorized Winchester and Browning Dealer
Home of Vintage Guns Since 1964
Gift Certificates &
Layaway Available
Spring Hours:
Delivery Mon. - Fri. 10 - 5 • Sat. 10-4 • Sun. 11-3
Available
989-724-5404
211 S. State (US‑23), Harrisville
info@northern-accents.com
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and
for the life of her couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on.
989-356-1777
Myles Insurance Agency, Inc.
624 West Lake (US-23), Tawas City, MI 48764
989-362-3425
Chocolates Are Always
a Sweet Gift for
Mothers Day,
Graduation & Weddings
104 Newman Street • East Tawas, MI 48730
Toll Free (888) 362-7729 • (989) 362-7728
www.villagechocolatier.com
Delivery or
Shipping
Available
Solution on page 54
3080 M-32 • Alpena, Michigan
CROSSWORD
~ We Buy Pre-1964 Winchesters & Belgium Brownings ~
1
2
3
4
5
7
8
13
14
15
16
19
17
20
18
21
22
23
24
27
26
30
31
4
U G H
t
r e
D
Down
1. Movable barrier
52. Rustic
6
3. Old
4. Food
from
the9curds of milk 10
8
5. Like a marsh
6. Motion picture
12
9. Bundle
10. Answer
14 16. Stage play
17. Thawed
18. Illegible handwriting
15
20. Prolonged
pain
21. Coat with gold
18 22. Rotates
25. Continent
26. Unit of length
c e
a
M e
e
a
D e
l
s
M e
l
s
i
s
r a G e
23
a G
27
M o
29
See your local Car Quest store for a
complete selection of Agricultural
25
28
29
l
Open Monday thru Friday, 8 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Saturday 9 a.m. to 3 p.m.
10
12
G r a
(Corner of US-23 and Nicholson Hill Road)
Ossineke, 989-471-2911 • 888-471-2911
9
11
Across
1. Elegance
1 mirth
2
3
7. Express
8. Toil
11.
Forest
7
12. Talk irrationally
13. Union general
11 town
14. Long Island
15. Back part of the foot
1317. Untidy
19. Anger
23. Nimble
24. Swift
27. Shed feathers
28. Circular
16 water container17
29. Mountain range
30. Windlass
19
20
31. Sudden
burst of21
light
LARRY'S
PARTS HAUS
6
a
N
Y
s
M
M
a
B o r
r a
V
e
s
l
i
P
H e
e
l
Y
22
c
24
Y
s
25
26
•iFinelCoffee
e Beans r I a
i D
was atPthe airport,
• Cappuccino Wi
checking
in
at
the
28 Fi
•lLatte
t
B a gate
s when
i anNairport
• SANDWICHES
employee asked, “Has
30
•DPASTRIES
anyone put anything in
e s
W i N c H
Featuring
D
f l
Ashby-Sterling
Ice Cream
Across
110 E. Main Street
1. Elegance
Harrisville,
MI 48740
989.724.7071
7. Express mirth
www.alconacoffee.com
8. Toil
11. Forest
31
your baggage without
your knowledge?”
a
s
H
To which I replied,
“If it was without my
knowledge, how would
I know?”
He smiled knowingly
and nodded, “That’s
why we ask.”
The rural community of Hillman is located in Montmorency County. Hunting, fishing,
golf, camping and snowmobiling make Hillman a great place for any outdoor enthusiast.
Festivals, fairs and other attractions are provided at all times of the year.
If you haven’t been to Hillman since the completion of our new streetscape, you’re in for
a real treat. The new bridge allows for a visual of the Thunder Bay River and a better view
of the wonderful Brush Creek Mill. If you’re bringing children along, you must visit Tiger
Paw Park, an incredible, well-kept secret at the east end of Progress Street. The beauty of
the lakes in our area is second to none. Come on up or down or over to Hillman and enjoy
the hospitality and warmth of “Up North.”
Jack’s Landing resort
Great People, Great Products,
Great Prices
RESTRUANT OPENS MAY 3rd, 2012
2012 UPCOMINg
EVENTS
May 19
Blessing of the Bikes
and Poker Run
Downtown Hillman
Registration begins at 9am.
Coffee served at registration
booth. T-shirts, hoodies,
pins and doo-rags for sale by
Chamber of Commerce. Great
food at area establishments.
Food tent right outside of
Lickety Splits. Blessing begins at
11am. Fun Run begins at Noon
at Lickety Splits. 5/50 Drawing
with proceeds donated to the
Special Olympics.
EVENTS AT BRUSH
CREEK MILL:
May 12th - Memorial
Service 12:00 noon, for
Margaret (Maggie) Clay. All
are welcome to attend.
“Evenings at the Mill”
Original Music, Supper and
Conversation with Allan
James Grund
Every second Saturday
throughout the summer;
May 12th, June 9th, July 14
and August 11th.
Doors open at 4:30, Music
begins at 5:15. Original
songs about the Civil War
along with information
and stories. A light supper
will be served followed
by more varied musical
entertainment. Cost: $5.00
per person
May 18th - Music at the
Mill, Open mike, all are
welcome to perform. Free
admission, Concession open.
May 26th - YARD SALE 8:00 am to 4:00 pm.Rental
spaces available, $10
outside, $15 inside the mill.
Donations for the mill table
can be dropped off at the
mill starting the first week in
May. Accepting furniture,
toys, tools, household items,
etc. Concession open.
HOURS 11:00 to 8:00 Monday
through Thursday
8:00 to 8:00 Friday, Saturday
& Sunday
20836 Tennis Rd, Hillman
989-742-4370
www.jackslanding.com
hILLMAN BP
274000 M-32
P.O. Box 255
Hillman, MI 49746
PHONE (989) 742-4313


AUTO PARTS
Auto • Farm • Fleet
Welding Supplies • Cylinder Gasses
Lawn & Garden • Marina Parts & Supplies
fochtman CARQUEST
641 nOrTH STATE STrEET, HiLLMAn
Hours: Monday - Friday 7:30 - 5:30 • Saturday 8:00 - 3:00
Phone 989-742-4597 • 800-861-5888
A-1 Woods & Waters
Live Bait * Carhartt Clothing * Rifles * Handguns * Ammo * Crossbows
742-3878 oPeN 7 DaYs
141 North State St. • Hillman
Visit Us at www.a1woodsandwaters.com
a Place for Healing
MediLodge Proud
989-785-4214
Letterheads •• Envelopes
Letterheads
Enevlopes
BusinessCards
Cards •• Brochures
Brochures • •Menus
Business
Menus
HistoryBooks
Books •• Real
real Estate
History
EstateBrochures
Brochures
and much
much more...
and
more...
MEDILODGE
OF
• 2011 National Commitment to Quality Award – Bronze
• 2010 Sunrise Side’s Best Skilled Nursing Facility
• 2009 HCAM Facility of the year
• 100% Family Satisfaction
989-742-4581
HILLMAN
Brush Creek
Mill
Hillman, MI
History, Education,
Entertainment.
Visit River’s Edge Gift Shop
Open hours:
Tues. - Sat. Noon to 4:00
Quilt Shop
SandyDee’s Sewing
1015B Hawley Road
Hillman, Michigan 49746
989-379-2406 shop • 989-255-4368 cell
sandydees@core.com
www.cfcu.org
(877) 937-2328
First Choice Real Estate
P.O. Box 335
16670 M32/33 • Atlanta, MI
Roselyn “Rosie” Ferguson
Owner/Broker
Toll Free 877-785-2808
office@firstchoice-realestate.com
www.firstchoice-realestate.com
Soaring above the rest
IndependentBank.com
HoURS:
Mon-Thur 10-7 • Fri 10-6
Sat 10-5 • Sun 12-3
989-278-4020
Alpena’s Independent Book Store
Writers Group May 8, 5:30-6:30pm
Book Club Sunday, May 20 at 3pm
Thursday, May 24th, 5:30-7:30pm
Book Launch for
Peg Herring, onaway Author
My Glass Wings
One
Front
Door
...
Stained Glass Studio
Art Glass Supply*Classes
Repairs*Custom Work
Order Your Hometown Michigan Souvenirs
Handmade Gifts * Heirloom Keepsakes
Trinket Boxes • Crosses • Seasonal Decorations
Variety of Stained Glass Pieces for Mothers Day
989-358-9464
HOURS: Mon & Sat 10-2
Tues/Wed/Thur/Fri 10-7
Sundays By Appointment
Children’s Story Time - Fridays 10:30-11:00am
Classes Now Forming
for Spring and Summer
Garden Items
Visit us at www.myglasswings.com
e-mail: GlassWings@Sisna.com
Johnrowe Building - 106 Second Ave., Alpena, MI
Lakefront home for Sale On Van Ettan Lake
Oscoda, Michigan 48750
Three bedroom, 2 1/2 bath, sandy
bottom for swimming, two decks, fire
pit by water, built in hot tub on house
deck, in-ground sprinkler system, three
car garage, propane heat and heat
pump/air conditioner, dock and hoist,
partly furnished.
Asking $265,000
(989) 751-2927
Having children is hereditary. If your parents didn’t have
children, chances are you won’t either.
I wanted to buy a CD player,
but was completely perplexed
by one model’s promotional
sign. So I called the salesclerk
over and asked, “What does
‘hybrid pulse D/A converter’
mean?”
Fast Crossword
He said, “That means that
this machine will read the
digital information that is
encoded on CDs and convert
it into an audio signal.”
“In other words,” I said, “this
CD player plays CDs.”
“Exactly.”
Cold Beer • Wine • Groceries
Fresh Michigan Produce • Lotto
415 W, Main, Hale • (989) 728-7631
Insurance Work – Guaranteed
tintable Spray-in Bed Liners
Auto Glass-Stone Chips
twenty years Experience
TAWAS SUPPLY & APPLIANCE
60” LG TV
$
50” LG TV
$
150oFF
200oFF
47” LG TV
$
100oFF
fLAT SCREEN TV BLOWOUT
– ALL APPLIANCES oN SALE –
Support Your Community - Buy Local
989-362-2388 • 1730 US23, E. Tawas • 1-800-510-3526
“It’s time to see how clearly
you can think,” the teacher
said to his class. “Now, listen
carefully, and think about
what I’m saying. I’m thinking
of a person who has the
same mother and father as
I have. But this person is
not my brother and not my
sister. Who is it?”
The kids in the class
furrowed their brows,
scratched their heads, and
otherwise showed how hard
they were thinking. But no
one came up with the right
answer.
When everyone in the class
had given up, the teacher
announced, “The person is
me.”
Little Jeffrey beamed at
learning the answer. “That’s
a good one,” he said to
himself. “I’ll have to try that
on Mom and Dad.”
At dinner that night, little
Jeffrey repeated the riddle to
his parents. “I’m thinking of
a person who has the same
mother and father as I have,”
he said. “But this person
isn’t my brother and isn’t my
sister. Who is it?”
His parents furrowed their
brows, scratched their
heads, and otherwise
pretended that they were
thinking hard. Then they
both said, “I give up. Who is
it?”
“It’s my teacher!” Jeffrey
said.
“A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for
his country.” – Texas Guinan
two Great Destinations...
ACRoSS
1 Source of aid or support (8)
5 Discrimination against the elderly (6)
9 Threshold (8)
10 Daughterly (6)
12 Card game (9)
13 Blood vessels (5)
14 Past tense of “To be” (4)
16 Small dining room set (7)
19 Not himself (7)
21 Coral island (4)
24 Not daytime (5)
25 They import illegally (9)
27 Makes skin soft (6)
28 Language spoken in Tokyo (8)
29 Cease (6)
30 Compliant (8)
DoWN
1 A pungent edible root (6)
2 Bobbins (6)
3 Cause to overturn (5)
4 Cleft (7)
6 Complaint (9)
7 Start (8)
8 Syrup made from sugar cane (8)
11 Emasculate (4)
15 Instances of hard physical labor (9)
17 Roofed (8)
18 Warships (8)
20 Bother (4)
21 A plant sometimes used in pies (7)
22 Break away (6)
23 Express agreement (6)
26 Secretes a hormone (5)
Largest Selection in northern MI
Tawas Bay
Yarn Company
huge Space, More Yarn on Display, Great Knitting Corner,
excellent Book, Magazine and pattern Section
COMe In AnD hAVe A peeK!
Spring and Summer Yarns Arriving Daily!
Tatting Classes - Call for Details & Schedule
Bargains on Closeouts & Discontinued Yarns
The Annex, Open 11am-5pm, Monday thru Saturday
1820 E. US 23, East Tawas
4 miles north of the old location across from Dean Arbour Cadillac, next to Timmy Tire
989-362-4463
Mon-Sat 11am-5pm
Come See Us...
We’re Worth
the Drive!
Visit us at www.tawasbayyarn.com
Spring
SpeCial
Free Delivery &
Foundations on All
Grave Markers
5251 N. uS-23, Oscoda
(989) 739-9341
While I was working in the men’s section of a department
store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white
dress shirt for her husband.
When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped
at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands,
forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs.
The telephone rings in
the principal’s office at
a school.
Life is
Great Lakes
Experience life like it’s meant
to be lived with Great Lakes
Spas. Share fun, fresh air, and
quality time. Throw a party
everyone will remember. Or
take a rewarding break right
in your own back yard. Our
line of American-made spas
extends from entry-level value
to affordable luxury, offering
more ways to enjoy life’s simple
pleasures every day.
“Hello, this is Dunn
Elementary,” answers
the principal.
“Hi. Jimmy won’t be
able to come to school
all next week,” replies
the voice.
“Well, what seems to be
the problem with him?”
Largest Selection of Tubs Ever
Sold at Discount Prices
We are all going on a
family vacation,” says
the voice,
“I hope it is all right.”
“I guess that would be
fine,” says the principal.
“May I ask who is calling?”
“Sure. This is my
father!”
FREE SETUP & DELIVERY OF SPAS
220 Sable St. (Downtown Alpena)
PART II
15. Your daughter just bought a CD of all the records
your College roommate used to play.
16. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken
noodle soup to see if it contains Echinacea.
17. You checked your blow-dryer to see if it was Y2K
compliant.
18. Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail inbox
asking you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so
she can create a screen saver.
19. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell
phone to see if anyone is home.
20. Every commercial on television has a web-site
address at the bottom of the screen.
21. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date
and now sells for half the price you paid.
22. The concept of using real money, instead of credit or
debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.
23. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast
food bags out of the back seat of your car.
24. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
25. Your dining room table is now your flat filing
cabinet.
Serving
the Area
for Over
40 Years
Toll Free 888-356-2642
989-356-2642 • 989-354-3164
Visit Us at www.alspools.com
Lawyer: “Judge, I wish to
appeal my client’s case
on the basis of newly
discovered evidence.”
Judge: “And what is
the nature of the new
evidence?”
Lawyer: “Judge, I
discovered that my client
still has $500 left.”
“I don’t know his size,” she said, “but my hands fit
perfectly around his neck.”
Signs You’ve Had Enough
of the Modern Age
LOWEST
PRICES –
GUARANTEED!!!
Hot tUBs
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the
letters:
DIRTY ROOM
THE MORSE CODE:
letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
letters:
IS NO AMITY
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
letters:
WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS:
letters:
ALAS! NO MORE ZS
A DECIMAL POINT:
letters:
I’M A DOT IN PLACE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
my daughter went to a taco place and ordered a taco.
she asked the person behind the counter for “minimal
lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had
iceberg. Yes, really.
The Liberty
Building
US-23, Tawas City, MI
NEWLY EXPANDED
402 W. LAKE STREET (US-23), TAWAS CITY
We
Buy &
Sell
(989) 362-6644
ANTIQUES • ESTATE FURNITURE
PRIMITIVE TO VICTORIAN • COLLECTIBLES
ESTATE SALE SERVICE AVAILABLE
Hours: Monday-Saturday 10-5, Sundays 11-4 • unclewinnies@yahoo.com
Yvonne Gregg, BS, CMT
402 W. Lake Street, Tawas City
(989) 820-0922 or (989) 362-4795
Marbie’s Nutrition
Your Complete Health Food Store!
402 Lake Street
Tawas City, MI 48763
989-362-4371
Hours:
Monday-Friday 10am - 5:30pm
Saturday 10am-5pm
Tawas Bay Tax
Income Tax & Accounting
Annette Templin
Liberty Building
402 W. Lake St. (US-23)
Tawas City, MI 48763
phones: (989) 820-0539
(989) 984-0575
tawasbaytax@sbcglobal.net
Pizza • Ice Cream Parlor
Propane Exchange • Lotto
Boost & Other Phone Cards
A Large Selection of Wines and
Micro Brews in Our “Wine Room”
515 N. Huron, AuGres • 989-876-6910
Mom
MJ’s
Salon
&
Nails
MELISSA JANE GARY - PROPRIETOR
403 NORTH STATE STREET
OSCODA, MICHIGAN 48750
(989) 739-8559
Just Spoil
Her!
Gift
Certificates
Available
An American manufacturer is showing his
machine factory to a potential customer from
Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows,
two thousand men and women immediately stop
work and leave the building.
“Your workers, they’re escaping!” cries the visitor.
“You’ve got to stop them.”
“Don’t worry, they’ll be back,” says the American.
And indeed, at exactly one o’clock the whistle
blows again, and all the workers return from their
break.
When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to
his guest and says, “Well, now, which of these
machines would you like to order?”
“Forget the machines,” says the visitor. “How
much do you want for that whistle?”
Quality Sterling Silver Jewelry
Inventory
Reduction Sale!
www.bluebearjewelry.com
115 Newman Street, East Tawas • 989-305-6465
CHAMILIA
Buy one jewelry item at full price and get
a second of equal or lower price for
Garden
Party
50% off!!
May 16, 17, 18, & 19
Hurry in
for beston
selection.
Great
specials
beads,
Sale ends February 2
bracelets,
& necklaces.
Offer
not valid for consignment
items in store
or each
alreadypurchase,
discountedyour
jewelry
in store.
With
name
will be
entered
drawing
for Chamilia
items.
Comeintoinaand
treat
yourself
-
You Deserve It!
NEDO’S
FARM
MARKET
Harbortown
Marketplace
& DRIVING
RANGE
Harrisville, MI
4686 F-41, Mikado,
48745
Monday-Saturday:
10MI
a.m.
- 5 p.m.
Your Full Service Market
Open Daily 9-9
Spring
Greenhouse
Opens
May 12th,
Ready for
Mothers Day!
Beer
Specializing in * Fresh Produce
Specials
Convenience Foods * Hardware
Beer * Wine * Liquor * Lotto
Pet Food & Supplies * Wild Bird Feed
We Accept Visa, MasterCard
& Bridge Cards
Phone/Fax
(989) 736-6649
Wayne & Marta Nedo
proprietors
If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly...
Why did it fall off?
Kelly’s Party Store
Polka Praise
Service
Saturday, May 19th
at 5:00 pm
Musical Accompaniment
provided by Norm Siess
Fellowship Afterwards
St. Matthew Lutheran Church
7109 Wolf Creek Rd., Herron
For more information, call 989-727-2769
A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an
activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an
idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and
shrugged saying, “This doesn’t feel so bad.”
The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it
up.
“You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my
wife would do it?” the husband asked.
“Exactly,” replied the instructor.
To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said,
“Honey, pick up that pen for me.”
“MICHIGAN’S OLDEST”
Since
1939
MILD, AGED, & FANCY CHEESES
Game Meat Sticks * Game Jerky
Liquor * Fine Wines
Fresh Baked Goods
T-Shirts & Souvenirs
Gift Boxes
Cheese & Meat Trays Made to Order
“If California can’t solve
the energy crisis, it will
spread to the rest of the
nation, and the economy
will collapse, and we will
become a primitive society
where we all run around
naked with spears and
refuse to attend meetings.
Wouldn’t that be GREAT?”
– Dave Barry
Mail Orders
OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK
Some race horses staying in a stable. One of
them starts to boast about his track record. “In
the last 15 races, I’ve won 8 of them!”
Another horse breaks in, “Well in the last 27
races, I’ve won 19!!”
“Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve
won 28!”, says another, flicking his tail.
“Your Key to a Safe Driver!”
Serving Alpena, Alcona, Presque isle & Montmorency Counties
SEGMEnT 1 CLASSES STArTinG
May 1 • June 6 • July 9 & 10 • August 6
SEGMEnT 2 CLASSES STArTinG
May 31 • July 9 • August 6
See Complete Schedules OnLine and register Today!
alpenadrivingschool.com
2211 u.S. 23 South, Alpena, Mi 49707
M-13, PINCONNING
Order Online www.wilsoncheese.com
Alpena Driving School
Bill had won a
toy at a raffle.
He called his kids
together to ask
which one should
have the present.
“Who is the most
obedient?” he
asked. “Who
never talks back
to mother? Who
does everything
she says?”
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog
has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean
to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last
90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”
Five small voices
answered in
unison:
The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says
one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog.”
“Okay, Dad, you
get the toy.”
989-340-1004
Clip & Save - $15 OFF Segment 1
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the
local supermarket and rolled down the car
windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever
pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat
and I wanted to impress upon her that she
must remain there. I walked to the curb
backward, pointing my finger at the car and
saying emphatically, “Now you stay. Do you
hear me?” “Stay! Stay!”
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blond
young lady, gave me a strange look and said,
“Why don’t you just put it in park?”
314 N. State Street, Oscoda, MI 48750
www.OscodaSunriserealty.com
e-mail: info@oscodasunriserealty.com
Inge Ockey, Broker
989-739-1458
• Alcona • Arenac • Iosco • Ogemaw • Oscoda
GOT FLOOD InSUrAnCe reQUIreMenT??
oSCoDA, $249,900 Cedar Lake, 3BR,5BA.
LRg Kit. w/ hw flrs. Lrg LR w/ new carpet. Main
flr Master, FP, Custm Bar. Steel seawall, auto.
Sprklr,20’ of dock, home warranty. # 080-12-0013
oSCoDA, $65,000 3BR,1BA Home nicely
maintained close to town and Lake Huron
Beaches on 1 acre. #080-12-0008
oSCoDA, $219,900
AuSable River Frt.
3BR,3BA Remod. Kit, Main flr Master,HWBB
heat,energy saving insul. Steel Sea wall,
decking and sandy beach area, firepit too!
#080-12-0014
VILLAGES of oSCoDA, $56,900 3BR,1.5BA
MOVE–IN CONDITION RANCH. #080-12-0016
oSCoDA,$94,900, Lake Huron, 2BR,1BA cottage w/
2nd cottagebehind in process of remod. Plus 89’ of
Lake Huron Frontage across the road! #080-12-0015
oSCoDA, $36,500 1BR,1BA 1Car Garage
Condo in town w/ Lake Huron Access.
#080-12-0009
In MOST SITUATIOnS, We CAn CerTIFY ThAT YOU’re
nOT In The FLOOD ZOne
989-739-0771 or 1-800-739-neLS (6357)
Fax 989-739-0772 • nelandsurvey@sbcglobal.net
Bring This Ad for an Additional 10% Off Our Everyday Low Prices
alcona Humane Society
New Items Weekly
736-peTS
Bo Bo
Paco
1 yr in age,
neutered and
has tons of
love to give!
1 yr in age,
neutered and
needs an
active family!
Callie
Holly
5 months old
spayed and
loves to play!
she is the
perfect kitten!
BODY
JeWelRy t
Buy One, Ge
One 1/2 OFF
Equal or Lesser
Value
4-5 yrs old Husky,
spayed and needs
a quiet loving
home. She gets
along with dogs
and cats!
please help! – Donations needed for Food, Blankets, Litter, Toys, etc.
Long-Lasting AMerICAn AnTLer DOG CheWS
no Splintering • 100% natural • Organic
Free rAnGe BISOn rAWhIDe CheWS
October Hours: Mon-Fri 10-6 • Sat 10-5 • Closed Sunday
(989) 724-6830
We were four frugal young teachers. But a couple
times a year we treated ourselves to the best
Manhattan had to offer. As we approached the
famous restaurant Lutece, we questioned whether
we were dressed perfectly. Could we pass as urban
sophisticates?
The maitre d’ met us at the door, all smiles and bows.
When he took my raincoat, I began to look over the
cozy little bar and anticipate the charming basket
of pastry that was our appetizer. Then the maitre
d’ returned to our group, gingerly holding a fabric
softener sheet that had fallen from my coat sleeve.
“Madam,” he said, “Your Bounce.”
(989) 354-2194
(800) 929-7106
1. “We named the DOG
Indiana.”
2. “Sometimes...dead is
better.”
Open Tues thru Thur, Noon-8pm • Fri/Sat Noon-10pm • Closed Sun/Mon
COMING SOON: Fri/Sat Outdoor Market
Covered & uncovered Spaces Available - Interested Parties Call for details & Rates
“Hello, is this the Sheriff’s Office?”
3. “I guess if it wasn’t for
Sam, I’d have missed it,
whatever it is. I’d have
been one of them amity
types that thinks that
playin’ bridge is about
the best thing that life
has to offer.”
4. “We are all here to do
what we are all here to
do.”
5. “Was it like one of
those Sara Lee, um,
moon-shaped cookies?
Those crescent cookies?”
6. “But his tires were bald
and they went flat - so
did our love and that was
that.”
“Yes. What can I do for you?”
“I’m calling to report ‘bout my neighbor Virgil
Smith. He’s hidin’ marijuana inside his firewood!
Don’t quite know how he gets it inside them logs,
but he’s hidin’ it there.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, the Sheriff’s Deputies descend on
Virgil’s house. They search the shed where the
firewood is kept Using axes, they bust open every
piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at
Virgil and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil’s house.
“Hey, Virgil! This here’s Floyd. Did the Sheriff
come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
150 E. Chisholm Street at uS-23
Alpena, Michigan 49707
WEB: www.uCome1st.com
E-MAIL: hometownrealty@excite.com
This country home features 5 bedrooms, one bath, large dining room and a
spacious kitchen with lots of cupboards. The original portion of the house has a
full basement and the addition has a crawl space with access from the basement.
Needs TLC and is being sold in ‘’AS IS CONDITION’’! $36,500 MLS# 277095
“Happy Birthday, buddy!”
Call Barb Skaluba
Office: (989) 354-2194 Home: (989) 595-6997
Great 4 bedroom, 1 bath home in a very quiet country setting on an extra large lot (196
X 250). There’s a 19X22 attached garage and a 12 X 20 deck. The 10X12 shed was built
in 2010. The fireplace has not been used for a long time and is considered inoperative.
$57,000 MLS# 278202 Call John Precord at 989-464-0114.
Great starter or retirement home. This 2 BR, 1 bath house needs some TLC. There is
a guest cabin 18X13 for summer use only because there is no heat or plumbing. There
are 2 out buildings: a 4X6 wood shed and 12X12 storage unit. $42,900 MLS# 269231
Ranch style house: 1800 sqft, 4 bedrooms, 1 bath with fireplace in the dining
room. The partially finished full basement has a large family room. Exterior:
Abitibi siding. 4X18 ft finished breezeway between garage and house. Being
sold in ‘’AS IS’’ condition! $68,900 MLS# 276907
“Yep!”
hUBBARD LAKE
MARINE
n
w
o
t
e
HomREALTY
New Listing
“a lil sumthin 4 everyone”
100’s of Brand New Items
A Great Selection of New Home Décor and
Various Merchandise at Discounted Prices
Powdered Incense & Burners • Candles • Fountains & More
5684 F-41, Oscoda (Across from W.A.B. Main Gate)
(734) 307-9310 Cell • (989) 569-3098 Office
Answers on page 54
Volunteer Time at the Shelter! 1 or 2 Hours a week will help immensely!
Please call us at 736-PETS for more information.
Shawneez Stuff
Priced to sell is this farm house with 3 BR 1.5 baths, full basement with family
room situated on approx. 60 acres. 200 amp service, newer furnace, water heater
plus a covered 27X60 corral for horses and a 33X60 barn (sizes are approximate.)
75% open and 25% wooded for hunting. Being sold ‘’as is’’! $149,900 MLS# 275982
Manitou 20 Oasis Standard VP
The V-Toon gives you the Best of Both Worlds handles Like a Boat, Seating for the Whole family,
Powerful Enough to Pull Multiple Skiers
Great location with frontage on Ripley Blvd and includes a 66X132
lot on Clinton Street. Would make a great business location. Building
has approximately 1731 sqft on main level, a full walkout basement, 2
fireplaces plus much more. $89,900 MLS# 271104
Manitou 25 SES VP
LOCATED ON ThE WEST ShORE Of hUBBARD LAKE
Ranch style house with a full basement. Features 2-3 bedrooms,
100 amp service, fireplace in the living room and full bath plus an
additional toilet in the laundry area of the basement. Newer Weil- Great location near Ella White School - needs TLC. Features 3 bedroom, 1
McLain boiler, a 15X25 attached 1 car garage and a fenced yard. bath, attached garage and full basement. 150 amp service plus newer furnace
Need some TLC! $49,500 MLS# 277542
& water heater. $35,900 MLS# 275479
6068 Mt Maria rD Hubbard Lake, MI. 49747
(989) 727-2286
Featuring
At a business conference in
Montpelier, Vermont, the state
tax commissioner asked the
audience which sort of taxation
they found fairest. There was a
pause, and then a white-haired
man in the back raised his hand.
“The poll tax,” he said.
Professional
• Rolls open in seconds
Installation of
• Lifetime Warranty
Stripes & Graphics
• Increases gas mileage
• Keeps box free of leaves and snow
• Free installation thru May with mention
of this ad
“But the poll tax was repealed,”
replied the commissioner.
See This and Many
More Aftermarket
Truck Accessories
“Ay-yuh,” declared the man,
“that’s what I like about it.”
Letters of Recommendation
For an employee who is not worth further
consideration as a job candidate:
“I would urge you to waste no time in making this
candidate an offer of employment.”
“All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this
candidate or recommend him too highly.”
Sherni’s Candies
home of the Chocolate
Covered potato Chip
and now Bugles!
party Trays
Available
For the office drunk:
“I feel his real talent is wasted here.” “We generally
found him loaded with work to do.”
For an employee who is so unproductive that
the job is better left unfilled:
“I can assure you that no person would be better for
the job.”
Hasty Manufacturing, Inc.
Sherni’s Candies Also Available at
Brian’s Fruit Market, West Branch
Nester Creek, Prescott
Crossroads, Whittemore
For the chronically absent:
“A man like him is hard to find.” “It seemed his career
was just taking off.”
For an employee with no ambition:
“He could not care less about the number of hours he
had to put in.”
“You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to
work for you.”
“He consistently achieves the standards he sets for
himself.”
nOW In OUr 32nd YeAr In BUSIneSS!
no Order Too Big
or Too Small
The devout cowboy lost
his favorite Bible while he
was mending fences out
on the range.
Three weeks later, a cow
walked up to him carrying
the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn’t
believe his eyes. He took
the precious book out of
the cow’s mouth, raised
his eyes heavenward and
exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”
“Not really,” said the cow.
“Your name is written
inside the cover.”
MADe here FreSh DAILY:
Real Chocolate
Milk-Dark-White
Butter Crunch • Fudge
Peanut Brittle • Roasted Nuts
Chocolate Covered Cashews
Old Fashioned Sea Foam
Maple Walnut Cremes
Chocolate-Covered Peanut
Butter Pretzels
Truffles and More...
oPEN 9 A.M. to 5 P.M. DAILY
CLoSED tUESDAYS
35 North M65, at M55
Whittemore, Michigan 48770
989-756-3691
Keith, Sherry, and Brad Hasty
Bubba and Bobby Joe rented a boat and fished in a
lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. Bubba
said to Bobby Joe,
“Mark this here spot so that we can come back right
here again tomorrow.”
The next day, when they were driving to rent the
boat, the Bubba asked Bobby Joe, “Bobby Joe, did
you mark that there spot like ah tole ya?”
His friend replied, “Shore nuff, I put a big ole ‘X’ on
the bottom of the boat.”
“You stupid fool! Now, what we gonna do if we don’t
get that same boat today?!”
335 South State Street • Oscoda, MI 48750
Website: statewideoscoda.com
Here are a few of our listings. We invite you to call, come in
or visit us on the web for more on these or other properties.
LOVELY HOME with vaulted ceilings and open floor plan on gorgeous 10
acre property. Located 5 minutes from town yet out of the way of neighbors
and congestion. Best of both worlds. Nicely done kitchen and 2 baths with
2 walk-in closets and finished attached garage for her and huge garage/
workshop for him. Lovely view of forest from deck that spans whole length
of home. Exterior woodburner(you don’t have the mess that way) but
heats home nicely when you don’t want to use your furnace. upstairs loft
area has additional storage space. Contact listing agent for more details.
$199,900 # 081-12-0005GL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ORDER AND SHIP EARLY FOR
MOTHER’S DAY DELIVERY!
Bubba & Bobby Joe
(989) 739-2050 • 800-968-4408
OF OSCODA
New Spring Chocolate Baskets
Plus Chocolate roses,
Chocolated-filled Hearts,
Chocolate-covered
raspberries & More!
Kim Loveland
Ron Mathison
Kristin Sak
Steve DuBree
Randy Robinson
Jeff Layman
Rose Kuhlman
GREAT LAKE HURON COTTAGE with lots of room to roam.
Cathedral ceiling in open floor plan with living, dining and kitchen all GORGEOUS CONDO with 2 master suites, 1 on 1st floor. 3 1/2
open to each other. Great fireplace floor to ceiling. ready to move in baths for all your guests needs. priced to sell. Absolutely must
and vacation on the sugar sand beach to your hearts desire. Additional see. $69,900 # 081-12-0010GL
home coming available soon as well for those large familes that want
to stay close. $185,000 # 081-12-0008GL
WATERFRONT GETAWAY on the Mighty AuSable river/Lake Huron.
Many amenities including boat launch, club house with gameroom/
laundry facilities/showers, fish cleaning station, Lake Huron Sugar
OPEN FLOOR PLAN, wood flooring throughout living/dining/kitchen,
Sand beach. Includes a boat slip on the river in front of unit. Boating/
screened porch, 10 acres and a 30 X 40 pole barn to boot. Many perennials for the flower lover and lots of land and barn for the sports enthusiast. fishing/swimming, it’s up to you!!! Great spot to watch fireworks.
$65,900 # 081-12-0009GL
$89,900 # 081-12-0007GL
ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL 10 ACRE PARCEL. Great wooded area
feels like way out in the boonies but only 5 minutes from town, best of
both worlds. Split rail fence and driveway are in. Would make a gorgeous
building site or just use for hunting purposes. $31,000 # 081-11-0013GL
Splendid Things
• Hubbard Lake Coffee, including our signature
blend, Lucy Moosey, only available here!
NEW
ITEMS!
Visit us at our web site:
• McCall’s Candles - New Scents
• Up-North Home Décor
• A Little Christmas Year ‘Round
New Inventory Arriving Daily
www.moosetalesgifts.com
May Hours:
Open Tues through Fri 10-5:30
Sat 11-3 • Closed Sun & Mon
989-724-7555
108 N. State St • Box 98 • Harrisville, MI 48740
email: jmoosetales@gmail.com
Oh crap, is there anyway to put the pin back in the
grenade? I NEED AN ANSWER FAST!
KELVIN
“Service is Our Bag”
Commercial & Residential
989-471-2938
dumpsters • polycarts
roll-off containers
The human brain starts working
the moment you are born and
never stops until you stand up to
speak in public.
Located within Harrisville Holistic Center: 200 N. State St, Harrisville
PUBLIC WELCOME
May 22nd, 2012
Certifcations and Renewals,
Appointments filling fast
Weekly Meetings - Tuesdays, 2-5pm
CALL BETHANY 989-278-9129
www. nemicc.com
NE. Michigan Medical Marijuana Compassion Club
A bird in the hand makes it
hard to blow your nose.
Northern
Truck
& Auto
Repair
4262 River Road
Oscoda, MI 48750
(989) 739-4382
Fax: (989) 739-3849
Little Johnny was
being questioned by
the teacher during an
arithmetic lesson. ‘If you
had ten dollars,’ said the
teacher, ‘and I asked you
for a loan of eight dollars,
how much would you
have left?’
‘Ten,’ said Little Johnny
firmly.
TRUCK AND AUTO ACCESSORIES
Loaner Cars – Free Estimates
1212 U.S. 23 North, Alpena
(989) 354-5577
Great Finds • Great Prices
NEW & USED ITEMS:
You Won’t Be Able
to Tell the Difference!
Prices That Keep You Coming Back!
Our Furniture Is Professionally Cleaned
Before We Place It in the Store
Open Tuesday thru Saturday
10am to 5pm
‘Ten?’ the teacher said
‘How do you make it ten?’
11904 US‑23 • Ossineke, MI
989-657-0363
‘Well,’ replied Little
Johnny ‘You may ask for
a loan of eight dollars, but
that doesn’t mean you’ll
get it!’
the Good life Press
Dog at the
Cinema
A man went to the
cinema. As he sat down
to watch the film and his
eyes got accustomed to
the dark, he noticed a dog
sitting on the seat beside
him. He was somewhat
bemused but decided to
try and ignore the dog.
As the film progressed he
noticed that the dog was
reacting appropriately to
the scenes. For laughter
the dog wagged his tail
and barked, for sadness
he dropped his ears and
whimpered, for violence
he growled and bared
his teeth. At the end of
the film the audience
applauded and the dog
got up on all paws and
barked and wagged his
tail.
The man turned to
another who appeared
to be the dog’s owner
and said, “Wow, that was
a great film, and what
an intelligent dog you
have there. Frankly, I’m
amazed.”
“So am I,” replied the
owner. “He thought the
book was terrible.”
Larry’s Collision
Unique Things
Places I’d Rather
Not Live
- Paradox, New York
- Crapo, Maryland
- Boogertown, North
Carolina
- Spasticville, Kansas
- Hellhole, Idaho
- Purgatory, Maine
- Girdletree, Maryland
- Rabbithash, Kentucky
Difficulty:
Medium 6x6 (5)
Sudoku 6x6 - Puzzle 5 of 5 - Medium
6
4
1
1
5
5
3
1
4
2
Computer novices may feel like they’re alone these days, but
the following call to IBM’s help center show there are plenty
of people out there who still are inching onto the information
superhighway.
After a caller gave a technician her PC’s serial number, he
scanned a database of registered users and responded, “I see
you have an Aptiva” desktop unit.
Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and
said she’d be right back. When the customer returned, the
technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: “Had
I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my
bathrobe.”
“Of course I’ll come by your house to check
on you.”
“Give me a call at home over the weekend if
you’re not feeling better.”
“Sure, come on by this afternoon, we’ll work
you in.”
“I’ll call ahead and let them know the most
you will pay for that test.”
“Here, take these samples.”
“Don’t worry about it, there’s no charge for
that.”
“I recommend you get a second opinion.”
Snack Bar & Liquor Bar on Boat
River Queen of Oscoda, Inc.
Six Miles West of Oscoda on River Road
Two-Hour Round Trip
on the Beautiful AuSable River
The ONLY Paddlewheel River Boat
of its Kind in the North
Only $12 Adult, $6 Children, $10 Senior Citizen 62+
May 26 - May 27: Noon & 3p.m • May 28 - June 22: Noon • June 23 - Aug. 25: Noon & 3p.m.
Group Rates and Private Charter Trips Available for 6pm Cruises
P.O. Box 249, Hale, MI 48739
(989) 739-7351 (10am-5pm daily)
(989) 728-3131 (6pm-9pm) OR
(989) 728-6558 (6pm-9pm)
Visit Us at:
www.ausableriverqueen.net
information@ausableriverqueen.net
FAX: (989) 739-2397
Ever have one of those days where you feel like you should have
skipped the coffee and went straight to the cocktails?
HOMES OF ALPENA, INC.
NEW CONSTRUCTION LOANS
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Apply online: www.premierspg.com
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NMls 162291
In George Washington’s time, common
entertainment included playing cards. However, there
was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but
only applicable to the “Ace of Spades.” To avoid
paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards
instead.
Someone sent me a postcard
picture of the earth. On the
back it said, “Wish you
were here.”
– Steven Wright
Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people
were thought to be stupid or dumb because they
weren’t “playing with a full deck.”
“The computerized cash register is down. I’ll
just add up your purchases with a pencil and
paper.”
“I’ll take a break after I finish waiting on
these customers.”
“We’re sorry we sold you defective
merchandise. We’ll pick it up at your home
and bring you a new one or give you a
complete refund, whichever you prefer.”
ABC Homes – teena Holmes
Phone: 989-356-2621
e-mail: teena@abchomesalpena.com
Online: www.abchomesalpena.com
When I was 5 my mom told
me “happiness” was the key
to life. When I went to school
they asked me what I wanted
to be when I grow up. I wrote
down “happy.” Later they told
me I don’t understand the
assignment but I told them they
didn’t understand life.
There are three
kinds of people.
Those who make
things happen, those
who watch things
happen, and those
who wonder what
the heck did happen.
I told my boyfriend that he
needed to get some common
sense... Last night, I was on
my computer and saw this in
the Google history:
“How to install common
sense?”
PrnDL Transmission Service
and Auto repair
4521 E. County Line rd.
Hale, Mi 48739
989-257-2005
40 S. M-65
Whittemore, Mi 48770
989-756-2029 & 2039
Maples
Colorado Blue Spruce
Evergreen Trees Available:
Colorado Blue Spruce
5’,6’,7’,8’
Norway Spruce
5’,6’,7’,8’
Eastern White Spruce
5’,6’
Serbian Spruce
5’
Eastern White Pine - Natural
6’,7’,8’
Concolor Fir
5’,6’,7’,8’
Delivery & Installation available
Call for Prices
Wholesale/Retail
State-inspected
Chet’ Cell: 989-724-5510
Bob’s Cell: 989-329-9051
Eastern
White
Spruce
Specializing in B&B Nursery Stock evergreens and shade trees. A wide variety
of zone-hardy fruit trees. Also specializing
in food plot apple trees. U-pick
strawberries and raspberries in season.
Also available at Downtown Detroit’s
Famous Eastern Market through
Memorial Day Weekend
– Call for Details!
Norway
Spruce
4700 E. Sucker Creek Rd.
Black River, MI
989-724-5510
Shade – Ornamental – Fruit Trees
Maples:
Crimson King
Red Sunset
Brandywine
Fairview Flame
Cleveland Pear
Apples:
Cherry:
Honeycrisp
Hudson, sweet dark
MacintoshUlster, sweet dark
Gala
Balaton
Northern Spy
Blushing Gold
Fugi
Plum
Blondee
Black Amber
CortlandStanley
Paula Reds
Pear:
Empire
Bartlett
Manchurian Crab Bosc
Peach:Canadian Harmony
huronviewtreefarm@gmail.com
Huron View Tree & Berry Farm on Facebook
You can’t change the past, but you can
ruin the present by worrying over the
future.
A Classic Ride
1979 Yamaha DOHC 750.
3-Cylinder w/ Vetter
Windjammer. Black w/
pinstripes. 48k Miles.
Garage-kept. Fully-dressed,
new brakes & tires
Cleveland Pear
Call Ted 989-724-7830 $2,895
Score One for the Blonde
A blonde, while pulling into a
parking spot, hit another car that
had just parked, denting its fender.
The three bears had been
having some trouble
recently and had ended up
in family court. Mama and
Papa bear were splitting up,
and baby bear had to decide
who he was going to live
with.
So, the judge wanted to talk
to baby bear to see what he
thought about living with
either of his parents. When
he asked baby bear about
living with his father, baby
bear said “No, I can’t live
with Papa bear, he beats me
terribly.”
“OK,” said the judge, “then
you want to live with your
mother, right?”
“No way!” replied baby bear,
“She beats me worse than
Papa bear does.”
The judge was a bit
confused by this, and didn’t
quite know what to do.
“Well, you have to live with
someone, so is there any
relatives you would like to
stay with?” asked the judge.
“Yes,” answered baby bear,
“my aunt Bertha bear who
lives in Chicago.”
The man got out of the car. He was a
dwarf. “I’m not happy,” he said.
“You’re sure she will treat
you well and won’t beat
you?” asked the judge.
The blonde replied, “Which one are
you then?”
“Oh definitely,” said baby
bear, “the Chicago Bears
don’t beat anybody.”
Listen to all the exciting, racing action
on your “Power Station for Sports”!
f
o
e
c
i
o
V
The
!
R
A
C
S
A
N
THE GOOD LIFE - SECTION 2
Tobacco & Cigar Shoppe
New
Spring
Inventory
STOP BY
AND SEE!
www.HolySmokesCigar.com
989-362-2332
COUPON - 10% Off
All In-Stock Merchandise at Holy Smokes
Holy Smokes, East Tawas – Good through 5/31/12
Great Selection of Zippo
Lighters in Stock
718 E. Bay (US-23), East Tawas • Inside Bay Party Store
Poor Bessie
An old farmer named Clyde
had a car accident. In court,
the trucking company’s fancy
lawyer was questioning Clyde.
“Didn’t you say at the scene of
the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?” asked
the lawyer.
I wanted to start eating healthy and
grow my own food, but I couldn’t find
any Twinkie seeds...
Clyde responded, “Well, I’ll tell
you what happened. I had just
loaded my favorite mule, Bessie,
into the......”
“I didn’t ask for any details,” the
lawyer interrupted. “Just answer
the question. Did you not say, at
the scene of the accident, “I’m
fine!’?”
Clyde said, “Well, I had just got
Bessie into the trailer and was
driving down the road....”
The lawyer interrupted again
and said, “Judge, I am trying
to establish the fact that at the
scene of the accident, this man
told the Highway Patrolman on
the scene that he was just fine.
Now several weeks after the
accident he is trying to sue my
client. I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply answer
the question.”
TGL
Don’t Miss the 20th annual
Shoreline
arts & Crafts Show
May 26 & 27, 2012
tawas city park, tawas city
For more information, Visit www.tawas.com
or Call 1-800-55-TAWAS
A husband stepped on one of those
penny scales that tell you your fortune
and weight and dropped in a coin.
“Listen to this,” he said to his wife,
showing her a small, white card. “It says
I’m energetic, bright, resourceful and a
great lover.”
“Yeah,” his wife nodded, “and it has your
weight wrong, too.”
By this time, the Judge was fairly
interested in Clyde’s answer and
said to the lawyer, “I’d like to
hear what he has to say about
his favorite mule, Bessie.”
“I went to the hardware store and
bought some used paint. It was in the
shape of a house.”
– Steven Wright
NEW LOCATION!
Healthy Harvest
Garden Supply Center
223 State St., Oscoda (South of the AuSable Inn)
989-569-3006
Mon-Fri 10-6 • Sat 10-3 • Closed Sun
healthyharvestgsc@live.com
*hydroponic Systems
*fox farm Nutrients
*Raptor Mega Reflectors
*Ladybugs
*CO2 Regulators and
Bottle Exchange
We’ll Custom Build Your Indoor garden
Delivery and Special Orders Available
Clyde thanked the Judge and
proceeded, “Well... as I was
sayin’, I had just loaded Bessie,
my favorite mule, into the trailer
and was drivin’ her down the
highway when this huge semi
ran the stop sign and smacked
my truck right in the side. I
was thrown into one ditch and
Bessie was thrown into the
other. I was hurtin’ real bad and
didn’t want to move. However,
I could hear ole Bessie moanin’
and groanin’. I knew she was in
terrible shape just by her groans.
“Real soon a Highway
Patrolman came on the scene.
He could hear Bessie moanin’
and groanin’, too. So, he went
over to her. After he looked at
her, he took out his gun and
shot her between the eyes. Then
the Patrolman came across the
road, gun in hand, looked at
me, and said, ‘How are YOU
feeling?’
“Now what the heck would you
say?”
“whyyyy soooo serioussss....?”
I once pondered why a baseball was coming at me so fast,
then it hit me.
Dry Dock
Mobile Marine
& RV Repair
20-Year Certified Marine Technician
SeRVICInG All MAKeS & MOdelS
dIeSel And GAS • JeT SKI SeRVICe
Full Service Including Gel-Coat and Paint
Pickup & Delivery to All
Local Lakes & Harbors
SPRING PREP SPECIALS
Full Inspection Including
Oil Change
Emergency
harbor Service
Available
InSuRAnCe WORK WelCOMe!
989-305-5655
dean arbour
Aquarium: interactive
television for cats.
Cataclysm: any great
upheaval in a cat’s life.
UP TO
CHEVY
RUNS
DEEP
Catatonic: a feline
medicinal drink.
$
THE NEW STANDARD OF THE WORLD
Caterpillar: a soft
scratching post for a
cat.
OPEN SATURDAY 8-4
Cat Scan: to look for
a new cat.
For Your Convenience
We Offer Pick-up & Delivery Service!
Dog: a cat’s device for
running practice.
Door: something a cat
always wants to be on
the other side of
(989) 362-3403
Errand Boy
Freddie was eighteen
years old, friendly,
and eager to do things
right. Unfortunately,
he wasn’t especially
bright. He had just
started his first job,
as a delivery boy and
general “go-fer” at a
furniture warehouse.
His first task was to go
out for coffee.
hARLEY-DAVIDSON
Embossed Tin Signs
great for Decorating the
Man Cave, the garage,
or a game Room!
Stop by Emery Enterprises
at 144 W. Washington Ave.,
Alpena
Dean Arbour Chevrolet Cadillac
1859 N. US-23 • East Tawas
www.deanarbourchevy.com
(866) GET DEAN
Waiting for the perfect man
REBATE
$100 Rebate: Bridgestone, Continental, Goodyear, Hankook and Pirelli.
$50 Rebate: BFGoodrich, Dunlop, Firestone, General and Michelin.
This offer cannot be combined with individual tire manufacturer rebates and/or specials.
Rebate is issued as a credit card. All rebates must be postmarked no later than 30 days
after the end of each rebate period. See dealer for more details.
Rebate offer in effect through May 31, 2012
WE SERVICE ALL MAKES AND MoDELS.
Ask About GM Price Match Guarantee!
100
00
On Purchase of
4 Eligible Tires
He walked into a
nearby coffee shop
carrying a large
thermos. When the
counterman finally
noticed him, he held up
the thermos.
“Is this big enough
to hold six cups of
coffee?” he said. The
counterman looked at
the thermos, hesitated
for a few seconds, then
finally said, “Yeah. It
looks like about six
cups to me.”
“Good,” Freddie said.
“Give me two regular,
two black, and two
decaf.”
Certified Service
Early politicians required feedback from the public to
determine what the people considered important. Since
there were no telephones, TV’s or radios the politicians
sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They
were told to “go sip some ale” and listen to people’s
conversations and political concerns. Many assistants
were dispatched at different times. You go sip here”
and “You go sip there.” The two words “go sip” were
eventually combined when referring to the local opinion
and, thus we have the term “gossip.”
Signs You’ve Had Enough
of the Modern Age
1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your
family of 4.
4. You e-mail your colleague at the desk next to you to
ask if they’re ready to go to lunch.
5. You chat on-line regularly with a stranger from
the U.K., but you haven’t spoken to your next-doorneighbor yet this year.
6. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is
that they do not have an e-mail address.
7. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored
post-it notes.
8. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail rather than in
person.
9. When you go home after a long day at work you still
answer the phone in a business manner.
10. When you make phone calls from home you
accidentally dial “9” to get an outside line.
11. You now think of three espressos as “getting wasted.”
12. You call your son’s beeper to let him know it’s time
to eat. He emails you back from his bedroom, “What’s
for dinner?”
13. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web
site.
14. You didn’t give your valentine a card this year, but
you posted one for your e-mail buddies via a web page.
Guy: Happy birthday!!
Girl: Oh what did you get
me?
Guy: You see that blue
Mercedes
Girl: Yesss!!!!!
Guy: I got you a
toothbrush in that color.
Looking for a Place to Have a Party
with a Pleasant View?
Q: Why don’t blind
people skydive?
A: It scares the heck
out of the dog.
Spruce, Michigan has
a private park with a
beautiful view, with
seating for 100 inside
a semi-open pavilion.
Those first two
guys who ever saw
Superman...Why
the heck were they
so excited over a
bird or a plane?
Rates are according to size and date.
Weddings • Graduation Parties • Family Reunions
Ample Parking
For more information, call
Sometimes I pretend that I am
normal. But that gets very boring.
So I go back to being myself.
WORD SEARCH
Comedies
A man wakes up in a hospital bed after a
terrible accident and cries - “DOC, DOC...I
can’t feel my legs, I can’t feel my legs!!!
“Well of course you can’t silly!” replies the
Doc... “I’ve cut off both of your arms.”
3.99
AS LOW AS
AIRPLANE
ANALYZE THIS
ANTZ
ARTHUR
BANANAS
BEST IN SHOW
BILLY MADISON
BLUES BROTHERS
BOWFINGER
BULWORTH
CADDYSHACK
DAVE
DUCK SOUP
EMMA
FARGO
GET SMART
GROUNDHOG DAY
HAPPY GILMORE
HOME ALONE
HORSE FEATHERS
ICE AGE
JUNO
KINGPIN
LIFE OF BRIAN
MASH
OFFICE SPACE
PARENTHOOD
PATCH ADAMS
POLICE ACADEMY
RAISING ARIZONA
RATATOUILLE
REAL GENIUS
ROXANNE
RUTHLESS PEOPLE
SABRINA
SPLASH
STIR CRAZY
STRIPES
THE JERK
THE PINK PANTHER
THE TRAMP
TOMMY BOY
TOOTSIE
WAYNES WORLD
WORKING GIRL
989-471-8466
APR FOR 36 MONTHS
FOR QUALIFIED BUYERS*
You’ll Love This Place!
700
%+$
(989) 356-4141
or
1-800-968-1976
3137 US. 23 South, Alpena MI 49707
Open 9-6 Mon-Fri • 9-4 Sat
UP TO
CUSTOMER CASH
ON SELECT MODELS**
Consumer Event
oPEN HoUSE
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Yamaha Giveaways
FREE Pop & Pizza for
Lunch!
*Finance offer subject to credit approval, applies to purchases of new Yamaha Motorcycles, ATVs & Scooters made on a Yamaha Installment Financing loan account from 10/1/11-12/31/11. Minimum contract length is
24 months
andsubject
maximum
lengthapproval,
is 36 months.
Minimum
amountoffinanced
is $5,000.
3.99% or
12.99% willFinancing
be assigned
on credit
approval criteria.Minimum
Monthly payments
per $1,000
financedmaximum
based on 36
*Finance
offer
to credit
applies
to purchases
new Yamaha
ATVs Fixed
madeAPR
on aofYamaha
Installment
loanbased
account
from 1/1/12-6/30/12.
contract length
24 months,
month term
are $29.52
at 3.99%
and $5,000.
$33.69 atFixed
12.99%.
Cash offer
on selectwill
2011
prior based
year) models
between
10/1/11-12/31/11.
good only
in the financed
U.S., excluding
state ofterm
Hawaii.
months.
Minimum
amount
financed
APR **Customer
of 3.99%, 4.99%,
5.99%good
or 12.99%
be (and
assigned
on credit
approval
criteria. MonthlyOffer
payments
per $1,000
based onthe
36-month
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Dress properly
for$29.97
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a helmet,
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and between
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priorIt year)
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good only
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you to
ride of
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and respect
theengine
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For further
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sizesall
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and older. Yamaha
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that allor ATV
take
an approved
course. 2887.
For safety
information,
see your
or callAlways
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Safetypaved
Institute
at 1-800-887ATVs can
be hazardous
to
training
see your dealer
callriders
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Safety
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at 1-800-887ATVsand
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be hazardous
to operate.
Fordealer
your safety:
surfaces.
Never ride2887.
on public
roads.
Always wear
operate.
safety: Always
avoid paved
surfaces.
Never
ridepassengers;
on public roads.
a helmet,
eyeriding
protection
and protectivedon’t
clothing;
passengers;
in stuntcareful
riding; on
riding
and alcohol/
a helmet,Foreyeyour
protection
and protective
clothing;
never
carry
neverAlways
engagewear
in stunt
riding;
and alcohol/drugs
mix;never
avoidcarry
excessive
speed;never
and beengage
particularly
difficult
terrain.
drugs don’t mix; avoid excessive speed; and be particularly careful©2012
on difficult
terrain.
Professional
riders
on closed
courses. ©2011 Yamaha Motor Corp. U.S.A. All rights reserved. • yamaha-motor.com
Yamaha
Motor
Corp. U.S.A.
All depicted
rights reserved.
• yamaha-motor.com
See the New
Colors and
Styles of Walls,
Steps and
Patio Paving
Products!
5251 N. US-23, Oscoda
(989) 739-9341
Boat Sales & Service
Boat Brokering
Pickup & Launch Service
consignment
SHOP INSIDE
3436 US Hwy 23
Greenbush, MI 48738
Judy & Al Bennett
(989) 739-8783
Open Tues-Sat 9-5
For Mother’s Day:
A Great Variety of Hanging Baskets
Fresh & Silk Flower Arrangements
Flowering & Green Plants
5137 US-23 • Oscoda
Open Monday thru Saturday
(989) 739-7242
320 2nd • Lincoln
Open Monday thru Saturday
(989) 736-8582
115 Lockwood St.
Alpena, MI 49707
Phone 989.354.2166
Fax 989.354.5290
COREY DAHN
Store Manager
HOURS:
Mon. - Fri. 7am to 6pm
Sat. 8am to 3pm • Closed Sunday
If walking and cycling
is that good for your
health, the postman
should be immortal.
Mother’s Day Specials
starting May 1st til
May 12th
A whale swims all day,
only eats fish, drinks
water, and is still fat.
A rabbit runs and hops
and only lives 15 years.
Sunrise Carpets Direct
But a tortoise doesn’t
run and does nothing,
yet it lives for 450
years.
Low Overhead Savings and Everyday Specials
And you tell me to
exercise?? I don’t think
so.
(989) 724-5853
Carpet - Vinyl - Laminate
Sales and Service
Samples in Your Home
Get the Price & Service You Deserve When
You Call Me, Dave - “The Carpet Man”
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these
rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already
has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you
can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word
ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. “Hey George, can I
borrow your ratchet?” “OK. By the way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket
yet?” Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice
scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror.
Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men
bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn’t
have invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have
worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little
picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the
monkeys are mocking you.
2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys
cut from the football team during training camp.
3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in
the heat.
4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino
for a walk.
5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the
one from The Lion King.
6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing
more than the University of Florida’s Mascot.
Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a
cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.
Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant.
I’m told men don’t stink - they’re just earthy.
Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple
of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. “Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers.
Door. Lock. Sink.” You get the idea. No one knows why.
Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the
box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.
Rule #10: Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook - but they will barbecue.
Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line
leaks. “Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?”
Rule #11: Tickets to a Red Wing/Lions/Pistons/Tigers game are a smart gift.
However, he will not appreciate tickets to “A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.”
Everyone knows why.
7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically
Rule #12: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you
appear and talk to you.
8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and
you’re suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and
placed in the Tigers den.
9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two
part Elephant suit.
10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!
don’t know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label
maker.
Rule #13: It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension
ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one
knows why.
Rule #14: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least
the Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8” manila rope. No one
knows why...
ROSE MARY MYRICK
Broker
Million Dollar Club
the Good life Press
Difficulty: Hard 12x12 (5)
Cell 989-820-9174
Solution
at the
back of
the
Sudoku
12x12
- Puzzle
5 of
5 -paper
Hard
6
2
8
8
6
1
2
5
1
6
9
9
c
b
4
5
8
7
3
4
7
6
c
b
3
a
2
4
a
4
8
9
3
2
5
5
c
3
Oscoda Realty
We Open Doors!
www.oscodarealty.com
Rental Properties Available – Call for Info!
9
1
5
#3460E:THIS LoVELY MANUFACTURED HoME
has been refurbished which includes new carpet, new
windows, new paint, new tub,shower & vanity. The hot
water tank-2007. 2 full baths! This home is 1 block
from Lake Huron, you must put this one on your list of
MUST sees! NoW $69,900. owner Will Consider All
Reasonable offers!
5
6
1
c
9
You know
you’re over the
hill when the
only whistles
you get are from
the tea kettle.
A husband asks his wife, “If I should die first would you
marry again?”
“I would be heart-broken, of course,” was her reply, “but I
think eventually I would remarry.”
Investment Counselor
an investment counselor decided to go out on her own. she was shrewd and diligent, so
business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. the
“But you wouldn’t bring him here to our house?”
investment banker began to interview young lawyers.
“Why not? I’ve worked and slaved to make this house a home.
“as I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a business
There is no reason to abandon it.”
like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.” she leaned forward. “mr. mayberry,
“But you wouldn’t sleep in our bed?”
are you an honest lawyer?”
“Honest?” replied the job prospect. “let me tell you something about honest. Why, I’m so
“Well, I wouldn’t run out and buy a new bed right away.”
honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute
“Surely, you wouldn’t let him use my golf clubs?”
I tried my very first case.”
“Of course not! He’s lefthanded!”
“Impressive. and what sort of case was that?” asked the investment counselor.
the lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, “He sued me for the money.”
An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his
tests come back with normal results. The doctor says
“George, everything looks great. How are you doing
mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
George replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have
poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so that when I get up in
the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof!
The light goes on. When I’m... done, poof! the light goes
off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls George’s wife.
“Ethel,” he says, “George is doing fine! But I had to call
you because I’m concerned about a story he told me.
Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof!
the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done,
poof! the light goes off ?”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake!” Ethel exclaims. “He’s peeing in
the fridge again!”
Alpena School
of Beauty
“The Original Home of
Alpena’s $5.00 Hair Cut”
Mother’s
Day Special
$15.00 OFF
Manicure or
Pedicure
Good thru the
Month of May
10:00 to 4:00 Mon-fri
9:00 to 1:00 saturday
(989) 354-7766
1036 US-23 N., Alpena
Closing all of your Facebook tabs
before your boss gets there is like
trying to put your keys in the door
before the killer gets you.
Len & Layne’s Little Store
& Side Door Bait & Tackle
Live Bait & Tackle
All DNR Licenses • Groceries
Deli Meats & Cheeses • Spirits • Lotto
At the south end of Hubbard Lake
3585 Woodlawn • Spruce, MI 48762
989-736-6418 • lbsales@chartermi.net
If you’ve never jumped from
one couch to the other to avoid
the lava you’ve never had a
childhood.
Baker’s Hilltop
Pontoon Redecking
Pontoon Customizing
Pontoon Hauling
Shrink-wrap & Storage
Recreational
Consignment Sales
Pontoon Specialists
MARINE SERVICES
Steve & Shellie Baker
4632 North M-65
Hale, MI 48739
BakersHilltop@centurytel.net
989-728-3665
Glennie Real Estate
3240 State St., Glennie, MI 48737
MUSHROOM
SEASON!
Toll-Free: 1-877-651-0402 • (989) 735-3716
Email: swgle@centurytel.net • RMLS www.realestate-mls.com
Ask for: Geri-Mac-Chanda-Paula or Lori
Information believed to be accurate, but not warranted.
11 AC.-HoME & PoLE BARN: Outstanding 2002, 3 bed, 2 GLENNIE LAKEFRoNT: Remodeled ranch home, fireplace
and garage with 60’ of waterfront on the All sports Vaughn
bath mobile home and 30x40 pole barn on 11 acres.
Lake . Wow! # 2255- $ 129,900.
# 2197- $ 48,000.
HoT BUY THIS MoNTH: 84 Ac., Ranch home with
walk out basement & pole barn. Joins Federal land and
“WILDLIFE HEAVEN”! # 2340- $ 150,000.
LAKE ACCESS HoME: Year around home with fireplace,
shed and within walking distance to the All sports “ North
Lake ”- Glennie. #2341 $ 43,900.
HUNTERS PARADISE: 77 Ac., joins Federal land, all
utilities, Mobile home & small creek the flows through the
property! Must see! #2349-$ 165,000.
YEAR ARoUND & NICE: 7.2 wooded acres,
outstanding 2 bedroom, highly maintained mobile home
and 2 car garage. Just perfect! #2359-$ 54,900.
PRICED To SELL FAST: 10 wooded acres, lake access,
garage/pole barn & all utilities. Mobile need some TLC., but
great location. #2368- $ 39,900.
CABIN GETAWAY: An adorable cabin, all utilities, storage
shed and all on 2.84 ac. In Glennie. Near Fed. Land. Perfect
getaway. #2371- $ 49,000
NEAR THE AUSABLE RIVER: Two bedroom home and
attached garage in Curtisville. Near Federal land & the AuSable
River . Why camp? #2375-$ 42,000.
ADoRABLE CABIN: Two bedroom cabin with all utilities
and two car garage. Sits on 3 wooded lots in the Hunters
Lake Sub. #2377- $42,000.
CoMMERCIAL BLDG: 2000 sq. ft commercial bldg,
currently used as an auto repair in Hale, on the busy M65.
Natural gas & city sewer. $ 30,000.
HoUSE & 3 CABINS: Prime location in “Sid Town”, Updated
FARM & PKG. DEAL: 42 Ac. Rolling pasture, swamp
year around home + 3 rental cabins, garage and Newer
& woods. Mobile home, garage, pole barn, pond & BARN.
Pellet Stove! #2388- $ 92,000.
Nice-Glennie area #2389-$ 135,000.
REDUCED To SELL FAST: 1991 Mfg., 3 bedroom, 2 bath
home, 2.88 ac., just East of Glennie. All utilities & priced
under the assessed. #2390-$ 30,000.
MIKADo CoMMERCIAL BLDG: Prior “The Store”,
28x58 bldg. All utilities. Located on the busy F41. Great
investment. Bring your ideas here! #2392- $ 49,900.
COMING SOON
RETIREMENT “BEAUTY”: 23 Ac.,joins Federal and the
outstanding 1994 Mfg. home, garage, shed & pole barn.
Superior location-Glennie- #2395-$100,000.
CoUNTRY LIVING!! 2 open acres, few trees and this 3
bedroom, 2 bath, home and pole barn, located in Curran.
Motivated seller! #2396- $ 45,000.
ToTALLY REMoDELED: Like a new home. 3 bedroom,
2 car garage & shed. All utilities & wood insert/fireplace.
Absolutely Beautiful! #2397- $ 64,900.
Two blondes were going to Disneyland.
They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the
sign that said, “Disneyland LEFT.”
They started crying and turned around and went home.
Polka Praise
Service
Saturday, May 19th
at 5:00 pm
Musical Accompaniment
provided by Norm Siess
Fellowship Afterwards
St. Matthew Lutheran Church
7109 Wolf Creek Rd., Herron
For more information, call 989-727-2769
Announcer: You’ve been married for 50 years?
Do you have any tips for the ones to be married
next.
Old guy: It helps if you’re deaf.
FUTURE BED N BREAKFAST? Downtown Glennie,
Historical six bedroom home, 2 baths, garage & sheds.
Definitely a must see immediately! #2400-$ 59,900.
40 Ac. with Federal on 4
Sides. Creek and 2 cabins prime location!
&
Home/Garage on the AllSports North Lake in Glennie
LISTINGS ARRIVING DAILY!
Invitation Replies to a Scientists Ball
Ampere was worried he wasn’t current.
Audubon said he’d have to wing it.
Boyle said he was under too much
pressure.
Darwin waited to see what evolved.
Descartes said he’d think about it.
Dr. Jekyll declined -- he hadn’t been
feeling himself lately.
Edison thought it would be illuminating.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic
personality.
Hawking tried to string enough time together to make
space in his schedule.
Heisenberg was uncertain that he could make it.
Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater
frequency.
Mendel said he’d put some things together and see what
came out.
Morse’s reply: “I’ll be there on the dot. Can’t stop now,
must dash.”
Newton planned to drop in.
Ohm resisted the idea.
Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Volta was electrified, and Archemedes buoyant at the
thought.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orwell could get
a flight.
Over
75
Pre-Owned Vehicles To Choose From
2010 CHEVY MALIBU
Spring
$
#13478
Selling Fire Wood 8’ Lengths
Heat Vouchers Accepted
“Loggers need your logs hauled?”
Call Mel 989 735 3320
or Becky 989 735 5000
Rules Kids Won’t Learn
in School
Rule #1. Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average
teenager uses the phrase “it’s not fair” 8.6 times a day.
You got it from your parents, who said it so often you
decided they must be the most idealistic generation
ever. When they started hearing it from their own kids,
they realized Rule #1.
Rule #2. The real world won’t care as much about
your self-esteem as your school does. It’ll expect you
to accomplish something before you feel good about
yourself. This may come as a shock. Usually, when
inflated self-esteem meets reality, kids complain that
it’s not fair. (See Rule No. 1)
Rule #3. Sorry, you won’t make $50,000 a year right
out of high school. And you won’t be a vice president
or have a car phone either. You may even have to wear
a uniform that doesn’t have a Gap label.
Rule #4. If you think your teacher is tough, wait ‘til
you get a boss. He doesn’t have tenure, so he tends to
be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he is not going ask
you how feel about it.
Rule #5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.
Your grandparents had a different word for burger
flipping. They called it opportunity. They weren’t
embarrassed making minimum wage either. They
would have been embarrassed to sit around talking
about Fifty Cent all weekend.
Rule #6. It’s not your parents’ fault. If you screw
up, you are responsible. This is the flip side of “It’s
my life,” and “You’re not the boss of me,” and other
eloquent proclamations of your generation. When you
turn 18, it’s on your dime. Don’t whine about it or
you’ll sound like a baby boomer.
Rule #7. Before you were born your parents weren’t
as boring as they are now. They got that way paying
your bills, cleaning up your room and listening to
you tell them how idealistic you are. And by the way,
before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking
parasites of your parents’ generation try delousing the
closet in your bedroom.
Rule #8. Life is not divided into semesters, and you
don’t get summers off. Nor even Easter break. They
expect you to show up every day. For eight hours. And
you don’t get a new life every 10 weeks. It just goes on
and on.
Rule #9. Television is not real life. Your life is not a
sitcom. Your problems will not all be solved in 30
minutes, minus time for commercials. In real life,
people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go
to jobs. Your friends will not be perky or as polite as
Jennifer Aniston.
Rule #10. Be nice to nerds. You may end up working
for them. We all could.
Rule #11. Enjoy this while you can. Sure, parents are
a pain, school’s a bother, and life is depressing. But
someday you’ll realize how wonderful it was to be kid.
Maybe you should start now.
13,995
*
2009 PONTIAC G6
4CYL, AUTO, PW/DL, TILT,
CRUISE, REMOTE START
LEATHER, HEATED SEATS,
FULL POWER, SHARP
$
*
#13569
2007 CHEVY SILVERADO CREW CAB
4X4, Z71, 5.3L V8, AUTO,
TRL. PKG, FULL PWR
Over75
75 Pre-Owned
Choose
Pre-Owned
Vehicles
From
75
Pre-Owned
Vehicles
To Choose
Choose
From
*Vehicles
$ toTo
*From
Over
Over $
#13299
#13478
#13478
12,995
2010
2010 CHEVY
CHEVY MALIBU
MALIBU
4CYL,
AUTO,
PW/DL,
TILT,
4CYL, 2010
AUTO,ChEVY
PW/DL,
TILT,
MALIBU
CRUISE
2009 BUICK
ENCLAVE
CXL
CRUISE
4C-Cyl, auto, PW/
FWD, LEATHER, HEATED
$$
**
DL, REMOTE
Tilt, Cruise
SEATS,
START,
13,995
LOADED
$13,995*
$
*
29,995
2009
PONTIAC
G6
2009 PONTIAC G6
#13607
4CYL,
4CYL, AUTO,
AUTO, PW/DL,
PW/DL, TILT,
TILT,
CRUISE,
CRUISE, REMOTE
REMOTE START
START
24,495
#13603
2008
2008 BUICK
BUICK LUCERNE
LUCERNE CXL
CXL
LEATHER,
HEATED
2008
BUICK
LUCERNE
CXL
LEATHER, HEATED SEATS,
SEATS,
FULL
POWER,
SHARP
2006
GMC
SIERRA
Leather,
Heated
Seats, SLE
FULL
POWER,
SHARP
2WD,
5.3L V8,
AUTO,
Full
Power,
Sharp
$$
**
#13379
17,495
$$17,495**
14,995
2007
2007 CHEVY
CHEVY SILVERADO
SILVERADO CREW
CREW CAB
CAB
TRL PKG
2003 MERCURY
$$SILVERADO 1500 **
12,995
24,495
4.6L V8 auto/Full, Ext. Cab, 5.3L V8 auto,
#13299
#13299
#13569
#13569
4X4,
4X4, Z71,
Z71, 5.3L
5.3L V8,
V8, AUTO,
AUTO,
TRL.
PKG,
FULL
TRL.
PKG,
FULL PWR
PWR
2009
ChEVY
$$gRAND MARQUIS**LS
#13603
#13603
Trailer
Pkg, HHR
35K mi.
‘07 CHEVY
LT
‘03 MERCURY MARQUIS LS
62k miles
4 CYL., AUTO, SUNROOF, LEATHER #13316 ........ $13,995*
$8,995* 2006
2009
#13379
2009 BUICK
BUICK ENCLAVE
ENCLAVE CXL
CXL
2006 GMC
GMC SIERRA
SIERRA SLE
SLE
#13379
‘08 BUICK
LACROSSE
‘04 PONTIAC GRAND FWD,
AM
GT
LEATHER,
HEATED
2WD,
5.3L
AUTO,
FWD, LEATHER, HEATED
2WD,
5.3L V8,
V8,
AUTO, CXL
V6,
LEATHER,
SUNROOF
#13495
...................
$13,995*
V6, AUTO, SUNROOF, FULL PWR
#13443
............
$8,995*
SEATS,
TRL
SEATS, REMOTE
REMOTE START,
START,
TRL PKG
PKG
$24,995*
$8,995*
4.6 V8, FULL PWR., NICE #11366...................
‘02 CHEVY TAHOE LS
LOADED
LOADED
$9,995*
**
#13607
#13607
‘07 PONTIAC GRAND PRIXFWD, Leather, Heated
3.8 V6, AUTO, FULL POWER #13587
............
$10,495*
Seats,
Remote
Start,
4X4, V8, AUTO, SHARP #13579 2008
...................
BUICK ENCLAVE CXL
29,995
$$
‘06 BUICK LUCERNE CXS Loaded
SUNROOF, LEATHER, LOADED #13516 ........... $12,495*
‘07 CHEVY IMPALA LS
$29,995*
$12,995*
3.5 V6, FULL POWER #13466 ....................
‘03
‘03 MERCURY
MERCURY MARQUIS
MARQUIS LS
LS
$8,995*
$8,995*
‘04 CHEVY SILVERADO EXT CAB
4X4, 5.3L
V8, SIERRA
TRL. PKG*#13589
$$
2006
gMC
*SLE ................... $14,995*
‘08 CHEVY
2WD,
5.3L V8IMPALA
auto, SS
V8, AUTO, LEATHER, FULL POWER #13566 ........ $16,495*
Trailer.
Pkg.
14,995
‘10 CHRYSLER TOWN & COUNTRY
$14,995*
‘09 CHEVY AVALANCHE 4X4
7 PASS., V6, AUTO, FULL POWER #13308 .........
$18,495*
Z71, LEATHER, TRL. PKG #13509 ..................
$25,995*
‘07
‘07 CHEVY
CHEVY HHR
HHR LT
LT
AUTO,
4.6
Dealer for
details. SUNROOF,
4 CYL.,
CYL.,
AUTO,
SUNROOF, LEATHER
LEATHER #13316
#13316 ........
........
4.6 V8,
V8, FULL
FULL PWR.,
PWR., NICE
NICE #11366...................
#11366...................* Plus Tax, Title & Doc Fees. 4See
ALCONA MOTORS
$13,995*
$13,995*
‘08
‘08 BUICK
BUICK LACROSSE
LACROSSE CXL
CXL
V6,
V6, LEATHER,
LEATHER, SUNROOF
SUNROOF #13495
#13495...................
................... $13,995*
$13,995*
V6, AUTO,
AUTO, SUNROOF,
SUNROOF, FULL
FULL PWR
PWR #13443
#13443............
............ $8,995*
$8,995* V6,
“WHERE YOU’RE TREATED LIKE FAMILY”
‘04
‘02
DOWNTOWN LINCOLN`
‘04 CHEVY
CHEVY SILVERADO
SILVERADO EXT
EXT CAB
CAB
‘02 CHEVY
CHEVY TAHOE
TAHOE LS
LS
Open:
Mon.
- Fri. 8:30
am - 5:30 pm • $9,995*
Sat. until 2 pm •4X4,
Lincoln
(989)TRL.
736-8191
- Toll Free
800-736-9911$14,995*
5.3L
PKG
...................
4X4,
SHARP
#13579
...................
5.3L V8,
V8,Jon
TRL.
PKG #13589
#13589
...................
4X4, V8,
V8, AUTO,
AUTO,
#13579
...................
SeeSHARP
our Sales
Staff • Dennis
Kruttlin, Gene$9,995*
Boyk, Mark Byce,4X4,
Ted Kruttlin,
Kruttlin,
Tony Escareno,
Scott Paavo $14,995*
Certified Service
‘08
CHEVY
IMPALA
SS
‘07
PONTIAC
GRAND
PRIX
‘08VEHICLES
CHEVY IMPALA
SS@ www.alconamotors.com
‘07 PONTIAC
GRAND
PRIX
VIEW
ALL OF
OUR NEW
AND ............
CERTIFIED PRE-OWNED
ONLINE
V8,
FULL
3.8
FULL
SALES
• SERVICE
• PARTS
BODY SHOP
•LEATHER,
WWW.ALCONAMOTORS.COM
V8, AUTO,
AUTO,
LEATHER,
FULL POWER
POWER #13566
#13566 ........
........ $16,495*
$16,495*
3.8 V6,
V6, AUTO,
AUTO,
FULL POWER
POWER #13587
#13587
............•$10,495*
$10,495*
‘10
‘06
‘10 CHRYSLER
CHRYSLER TOWN
TOWN &
& COUNTRY
COUNTRY
‘06 BUICK
BUICK LUCERNE
LUCERNE CXS
CXS
V6,
FULL
POWER
#13308
$18,495*
SUNROOF,
LEATHER,
LOADED
........... $12,495*
PASS.,
V6, AUTO,
AUTO,
FULL The
POWERblond
#13308 .........
.........
SUNROOF,gets
LEATHER,
LOADED #13516
#13516
$12,495* by77aPASS.,
A blond
pulled
over ...........
for speeding
blond
cop.
cop $18,495*
comes up
‘09
CHEVY
AVALANCHE
4X4
‘07
CHEVY
IMPALA
LS
‘09 CHEVY AVALANCHE
4X4
‘07 CHEVY
IMPALA
LSsays: “Show me your license”.
to the
window
and
The
blond
driver
says:
“It’s on
3.5
$12,995*
Z71, LEATHER,
TRL. PKG #13509 .................. $25,995*
3.5 V6,
V6, FULL
FULL POWER
POWER #13466
#13466....................
....................
$12,995*
the
back of Z71,
theLEATHER,
car.”TRL. PKG #13509 .................. $25,995*
‘04
‘04 PONTIAC
PONTIAC GRAND
GRAND AM
AM GT
GT
Tax, Title & Doc Fees. See Dealer for details.
Plus
Tax, Title &the
Doc Fees. one
See Dealer for
details.
The blond cop says:** Plus
“No,
with
your picture on it.”
ALCONA MOTORS
So the blond driver looks through her purse and finds a mirror and says: “Oh,
“WHERE
FAMILY”
“WHERE
YOU’RE
TREATED
LIKE
FAMILY”
here itYOU’RE
is” DOWNTOWN
andTREATED
hands
it LIKE
to the
cop.
LINCOLN`
DOWNTOWN
Open: Mon. - Fri. 8:30 am - 5:30 pm • Sat.
until 2 pm •LINCOLN`
Lincoln (989) 736-8191 - Toll Free 800-736-9911
Open:
Fri. 8:30
am Kruttlin,
- 5:30 pm
• Sat.
until
2 Byce,
pm • Ted
Lincoln
(989)
- Toll
Free 800-736-9911
See ourMon.
Sales- Staff
• Dennis
Gene
Boyk,
Mark
Kruttlin,
Jon736-8191
Kruttlin, Tony
Escareno,
Scott Paavo
our Sales Staff • Dennis Kruttlin, Gene Boyk, Mark Byce, Ted Kruttlin, Jon Kruttlin, Tony Escareno, Scott Paavo
The blondSeecop
looks at the mirror
and says:
“Well, if I had known you were a
Certified
Certified Service
Service
VIEW ALL OF OUR NEW AND
PRE-OWNED
VEHICLES
ONLINE
@ www.alconamotors.com
copCERTIFIED
I wouldn’t
have pulled
you
over.”
VIEW ALL OF OUR NEW AND
CERTIFIED
PRE-OWNED
VEHICLES
ONLINE
@ www.alconamotors.com
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but
ticking everyone off is a piece of cake!
Buying Standing Timber
5 Acres and More
Management Cuts or Clear Cuts
*Top Prices Paid*
2008 BUICK LUCERNE CXL
Sales
Sales
17,495
Drive
Home RunDrive
Deals
4CYL, AUTO, PW/DL, TILT,
CRUISE
CoMPLETE AUToMoTIVE REPAIR
No Appointment Necessary –
We Can Hear You Coming!
BRAKES • TUNE-UPS
CUSTOM EXHAUST • OIL CHANGE
STRUTS • SHOCKS • TIRES
CoMPLETE AUTo CARE
Mon.- Fri. 8:00am to 5:00pm • Sat. 9:00am to 2:30pm
1002 W. Chisholm St. • Alpena
989-354-3232
The Shop That Gives Back to the Community
FREE BRAKE INSPECTIoN - FREE ESTIMATES- FREE BATTERY TEST
Premium Oil Change
Brakes
A/C Recharge
Mufflers
Radiator or Transmission Flush & Fill
Differential Change
Alignment
Brake & Power Steering Flush
Tire Rotation
Tire Mounting & Balance
Mufflers with Lifetime Warranty
Computer Diagnostic Service
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w/ coupon
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+ tax
MUFFLER MAN ALPENA
Honesty & Integrity is Our Shop’s #1 Goal
Money Saving Coupons Now Available at
www.alpenamufflerman.com
FREE LoCAL ToWING
for Muffler Man Customers Only (outside Alpena, surcharge applies)
Platform
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for MOM
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Big Man
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for DAD
Starting at $249
March was when our son
celebrated his 17th birthday, and
we got him an iPhone. He just
loved it. Who wouldn’t?
I celebrated my birthday in July,
and my wife made me very
happy when she bought me an
iPad.
Our daughter’s birthday was in
August so we got her an iPod
Touch.
My wife celebrated her birthday
in September so I got her an
iRon.
Buying Gold, Silver and Platinum
A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of
the road.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them
live in the South.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of
them live in the South, plus a couple no one’s seen
before.
If it grows, it’ll stick ya. If it crawls, it’ll bite cha.
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
Jawl-P? means, Did you all go to the bathroom?
People actually grow,eat and like okra.
Fixinto is one word. It means I’m going to do that.
There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner
and then there’s supper.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start
drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea
with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the
South.
Backwards and forwards means I know everything
about you.
The word jeet is actually a question meaning, ‘Did
you eat?’
You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
Ya’ll is singular. All ya’ll is plural.
State
Street
Station
Salon
Treat Your Mom to
a New ‘Do with a
Gift Certificate!
Dawn • Donna
Tammy • Shelly
Mon-Fri 9am - 5pm
Sat 9am - 1pm
evenings by appointment Only
306 N. State St.
Oscoda
739-4730
After she woke up,
a woman told her
husband, “I just
dreamed that you
gave me a pearl
necklace for our
anniversary. What
do you think it
means?”
“You’ll know
tonight,” he said.
That evening,
the man came
home with a small
package and gave
it to his wife.
Delighted, she
opened it - to find
a book entitled
“The Meaning of
Dreams.”
You know the drill...the doc
says my cast should be off by
late summer...
It takes your food seven seconds to get from
your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person’s skin weighs twice as much
as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself
when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot
taste it.
NT
POI FTS
N
TIO GI
TINAA-KIND LES
S
E
R D OF CTIB RE
YOUR ONE- COLLE CH MO Q.
FO AND O MU 00+ S ITH
S
W Y
,4
AND OUR 2 ROOM ENTOR
IN HOW INV
S
FT. ANDED
P
X
E
OFFERING FURNITURE REPAIR, LAMP REPAIR,
CHAIR RE-GLUING & RE-CANING,
PLUS CUSTOM HARDWOOD TABLES
We Buy & Sell Antiques, Collectibles, Knives, Jewelry,
Hunting & Fishing Gear
We Buy Estates and Conduct Estate Sales, Statewide
NoW ACCEPTING CoNSIGNMENTS
Backroom Antiques & More
135 Newman St., East Tawas • (989) 362-0400
BEACH COMBERS WELCOME
A walk on the beach is not
complete
until you find a lakeside
treasure at you feet,
Stop in and tell us what
you found!
See our jars of beach glass
and driftwood garlands.
Backroom Antique Mall
135 Newman St., East Tawas
(989) 362-0400
GOOD FOOD, GOOD FUN
Dining and Entertainment
Maplewood Tavern
7930 French Road • Alpena, MI 49707
989-595-2422 or 989-595-6668
A “Family Tradition” Built and Operated by the Cadarette Family Since 1924
Stop in and Linger for Awhile
Great Memories Abide in Every Corner and Shelf
WEDNESDAYS: Karaoke with Dennis 7-11pm
FRIDAYS: Music 7-11pm - Guest Musicians Welcome
SATURDAYS: “Almost Country” 7-11pm
LAST SUNDAY OF THE MONTH: 4 til ??? “Clint & Stan” - Bring Snacks to Share!
Occasional Jam Sessions - Check Us Out on Facebook for Dates!
OPeN 7 DAYS A WeeK!
Daily lunch Buffet until 3:30
Dinner buffet Friday to Sunday
Saturday 4-9 p.m.
Sunday 4-8 p.m.
1237 US 23 North
Alpena, MI 49707
989-354-7715
CASUAL DININg
BAKErY
IMPortED BEEr & WINE
goUrMEt FooDS
105 S. State Street
Harrisville, MI 48740
989-724-7473
Manuel & Kim Pompa, Proprietors
theflourgarden@hotmail.com
“If you’re gonna be two-faced, at least make
one of them pretty.”
– Marilyn Monroe
Harbortown
Pizza
MorE oN MoNDAYS: Large 2-Item Pizza $10
“tAStY tUESDAY”
MED. 2-ItEM PIZZA, $8 ALL DAY
WEE WEDNESDAY: Small 2-Item Pizza $6
“NEW” Hand-Tossed Pizzas
OPEN
Pizza * Subs * Pasta Dishes
7 DAYS
Chicken Wings * Salads
989-724-5000 At the Stoplight in Harrisville
NoW ACCEPTING CREDIT CARDS
We specialize in casino tours
tues, May 1, 2012 st. ignace
Wed, May 16, 2012 odawa
thurs, May 31, 2012 turtle creek
Wed, June 6, 2012 Kewadin, st. ignace
Pat Rondeau
816 Tawas Street, Alpena
989-356-6153
patrondeau@live.com
A hot afternoon and chilling at a local bar,
everyone had their attention on a news about a
jumper.
A man at the bar said, “20 bucks says he’ll jump.”
A blonde heard and said, “You’re on.”
Sure enough he did jump and she paid the guy.
He confessed, “I can’t take your money, I saw
this footage earlier this morning.”
The blonde said, ”So did I, but I didn’t think he
would do it again.”
Pool • Darts • entertainment
Happy Hour Specials Mon-thur 7-close
thursday Special: $2 Beer Cans, 10¢ Pool
Karaoke Fri/Sat/Sun at 9:00pm
Live entertainment Fridays
Birthdays: 9th Kenny t.; 20th Crista; 28th Brittany
109 River St. in Alpena 989-356-9117
8 Tasty Varieties
8, 10, 20 or 30 pc.
Buy 1, Get Same Sandwich Free
5113 North US-23
Lg. Pizza w/ Pepperoni, Bacon & Italian Sausage
989-739-1487
3 MEAT TREAT $8.50
SUN. - Sports & Snacks
SUN./MoN./tHUr. - Penny pool
tUE. - Ladies night
SUN./MoN./tUE. - Long neck
domestics $2, Select can beer $1,
Select wine coolers $2
WED. - Wicked Wednesday Shot specials
tHUr. - thirsty thursday
($3.50 a pitcher)
FrI. & SAt. - Live Entertainment
WED/tHUrS/SUN - Karaoke with
“Scotty’s Music Madness”
At the outpatient surgery center where I
work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with
patients before their operations to help them
relax.
One day he thought he recognized a woman
as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he
had trained.
“Well, I suppose,” she replied, “I’m still
cooking it.”
2 FoR TUESDAY 10am-4pm
oSCoDA
No Recovery from That
When the patient confirmed that his hunch
was correct, he said, “So, tell me, is the food
still as bad there as it used to be?”
Home of the
HOT-N-READY
Where Cold Beer &
good Friends Meet!
A Variety of
$1 ShOTS
205 Long Lake Ave.
Alpena, MI 49707
(989) 356-6034
Join Us in Celebrating
CINCo DE MAYo
Saturday, May 5th
Beer, Mixed-Drinks, shots, tube
shooters, Jello shooters, Music,
Contests, games, Fun, Pool, Cards,
Darts, gatherings, Parties/Events,
Dancing, Karaoke, Live Entertainment,
and Much More!
GOOD FOOD, GOOD FUN
10TH AVE
Live Bands Friday & Saturday night
50¢ Delivery in Alpena w/ Minimum Order
Wednesday is Open Mic night
Monday
thursday Bartender’s Choice
Happy
night
Hour
Bloody Mary Sunday
50¢
4-7pm
Hand-tossed Pizza
WInGS
Full Breakfast & Lunch Menu
Bar & Grill
900 W. Chisolm, Alpena
(989) 340-1300
Hours: Sun. 7am to midnight. Mon./Tues./
Thurs. 7am to 1am Wed./Fri./Sat. 7am to 2am
Relationships would be easier if people came
with a “Clear History” button.
Daily Dinner Specials
Specials Available 2 p.m. until close
THE NORTH END
Family Restaurant
SERVING BREAKFAST, LUNCH, & DINNER
7 AM to 10 PM
OPEN 7
DAYS A
WEEK
DAILY
SPECIALS
HOMEMADE
SOUPS & CHILI
PIZZA
OPEN YEAR
‘ROUND
989-727-2700
Hand-Dipped
Ice Cream
Waffle
Cones
At the North End of Hubbard Lake 1575 W. Hubert Rd.
Polish Sunday
Chicken Dinner $7.99 • turkey Dinner $7.99
Homemade pierogi $7.49 • Stuffed Cabbage $7.25
plath’s Smoked Kielbasa & Sauerkraut $6.95
polish Meatballs $6.25 • potato pancakes $5.99
polish Combination plate $9.95
Small Combination $7.25
Fiesta Monday
taco Dinner $6.75 • Wet Burrito $7.99
Chicken Fajitas $9.99 • Beef Fajitas $9.99
Nacho Grande $7.99
70 ITEM MENU
Classic Tuesday
roast Beef Dinner $7.99 • Liver & Onions Dinner $7.49
pasty Dinner $8.99
Polish Wednesday
Homemade pierogi $6.99 • Stuffed Cabbage $7.25
plath’s Smoked Kielbasa & Sauerkraut $6.95
polish Meatballs $6.25 • potato pancakes $5.99
polish Combination plate $9.95
Small Combination $7.25
All-American Thursday
pork Loin $7.99 • 1/2 roasted Chicken $7.99
BBQ ribs $8.99 • pasty Dinner $8.99
Seafood Friday
Shrimp Dinner $9.99 • Whitefish Dinner $10.99
Cod Dinner (panko bake or beer battered) $9.99
rainbow trout $9.49 • Smelt $7.99
A-Y-C-E
FISH FRY
EVERY FRIDAY
$9.00
ENTERTAINMENT - DJ
FRIDAY & SATURDAY
10 TV’S FOR YOUR FAVORITE SPORTS
ATM - PULL TABS
4 KENO SCREENS - FREE WIFI
110 E. DWIGHT STREET, OSCODA
989-739-3388 • 739-EATS (3287)
WWW.OFFICELOUNGEANDGRILL.COM
“A dog is the only thing on earth that
loves you more than you love yourself.”
– Josh Billings
Pasta Saturday
Lasagna $7.99
Spaghetti w/ Spicy Italian or American-Italian Sauce
(Italian Meatballs available) $5.99
Chicken Alfredo $8.99
Shrimp Alfredo $9.99
POLISh
-AMERICAN hOMESTYLE COOKINg
13018 US-23 • One mile south of Ossineke • 989-471-2300
soMe Prices MaY cHaNGe DUe to MarKet PriciNG
I have kleptomania, but
when it gets bad, I take
something for it.
“Serving Shenanigans Since 1980”
enjoy our OUTDOOR PATIO
super draft sunday -
$1.00 Pint Drafts • $2.00 guinness pints
welcome golfers!
4709 F-41
Oscoda, Michigan
Free WiFi
Visa/mc
accepted
(989) 739-5611
GOOD FOOD, GOOD FUN
20th
Anniversary
• Challenging 18 hole
Championship Course
• Driving range
• putting Course
• Audubon Cooperative
sanctuary
It’s time to tee it up!
Spring is here and
it’s time
to Play
Golf!
White Pine
National golf Resort
Hubbard Lake road,
near the south shore
of Hubbard Lake
989-736-3279
www.whitepinenational.com
Bolton Inn
THE
NEW
9101 Bolton Road • Open 7 Days • 989-358-9592
“Where We Toast to the Good People of the World”
Happy Spring, Make your
May Days Bolton Days!
Watch For upcoming events
Biggest and Most Delicious Deli Sandwiches in Northeast Michigan
New York
(989)
Deli & Pizza 362-9067
Deli Sandwiches • Soups & Deli Salads
Dogs • Oven-Baked Subs
Zesty Crust Pizza • Wings & Appetizers
Gourmet Desserts
Ask About Our Fund Raising Program
PIZZA BUFFET $6.99
11-3, Monday thru Saturday
Pizza, Salad, Bread, Drink
126 Newman
Mon-thurs 10am-8pm
(first block)
Fri-Sat 10am-9pm
Downtown East Tawas
Sun Noon-8pm
“Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this
case very carefully,” the divorce
Court Judge said, “And I’ve
decided to give your wife $775 a
week.”
American Legion Post #104
“That’s very fair, your honor,” the
husband said. “And every now and
then I’ll try to send her a
few bucks myself...”
8:30 a.m. - 12:30 p.m.
TAKE OUTS AVAILABLE - Public Welcome
PUBLIC WELCOME
3221 M-76, Standish • 989-846-4091
SunDaY BrEaKFaSt
May 6th, 2012
$5 Adults - $3 Kids 5-12 Yrs - Under 5 Free
Sausage, Bacon, Scrambled Eggs, Hash Browns,
pancakes, toast, Biscuits Sausage Gravy
Barton City Eagles Aerie
4141 Invites You to Join Us
“Happiness can’t buy money.”
Mothers Day Breakfast
Rosa’s Lookout Inn
AERIE 4141
Sunday, May 13, 9am-Noon • Moms Eat FREE
Friday, May 18th
BBQ Ribs & Chicken Dinner - $8.00 - 4-7pm
– Bob Hope
3 1/2 miles south of Ossineke
6808 U.S. 23 South • Spruce
Once Again Voted #1 Italian Restaurant - People’s Choice 2012
Huge Menu
The Best of Pasta, Steaks,
Seafood & Fish
ALL MEALS WEATHER PERMITTING - PLEASE CALL AHEAD
accepting new Member applications for 2012
Nudgemaster
671 N. Sanborn Road, Barton City • (989) 736-3050
A five year old boy went for a weekend trip with
his grandparents. On the way home, they stopped
at a country restaurant for lunch.
The little boy left the table to use the restroom
by himself. A moment later he returned with a
confused look on his face. He says, “Grandpa, am
I a rooster or a hen?”
RED ROOSTER
Wood
Fire
Pizza
Oven
fOR
SALE
3228 US 23
9 miles N. of Oscoda in Greenbush
Find Us on Facebook
989-739-7659
101 N. Lake St, Lincoln
open ‘til 7PM Daily
american & italian cuisine
Daily Specials • Generous Portions
Breakfast served all Day
Tues-Thurs 8am-8pm • Fri/Sat 8am-9pm
Sunday 8am-8pm • Closed Monday
Cocktails,
Beer & Wine
OpenTue-Thurs 4-8 * Fri/Sat 4-10
Sun 4-8 * Closed Mondays
OPEN MOTHERS DAY
Extended Hours Beginning 5/14/12
Mon-Thurs 4-9 * Fri/Sat 4-10 * Sun 4-8
restaurant
summer hours starting Memorial Day Weekend:
989-471-2118
FooD So gooD,
YoU’LL tHINK
WE StoLE YoUr
grANDMA
989-736-6611
Weekday Breakfast Special COUPON
Buy 1 Dinner
Sunday Breakfast Special
Entrée, Get
2 Eggs, Choice of Meat,
Cheesy Potatoes & toast 1 for 1/2 OFF
$6.75
WEDNESDAYS oNLY
FrIDAYS
good thru 5/30/12
Happy Birthday
Kyle & Lindsay
2nd Entrée must be of
equal or lesser value to
full-priced entrée.
All-U-Can-Eat Cod $9.25
The new Librarian decided that instead of checking out
children’s books by writing the names of borrowers on
the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters
sign their own names. She would then tell them they
were signing a “Contract” for returning the books on
time.
BUMPER
S
screen printing
STICKER
My car is a status symbol
- the symbol of me being
poor!
Her first customer was a second grader, who looked
surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four books
to the desk and shoved them across to the Librarian,
giving her his name as he did so.
Where am I going?
And why am I in a
handbasket?
The Librarian pushed the books back and told him to
sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on
each book card and then handed them to her with a look
of utter disgust.
Heavily medicated for
your safety
best prices in northeast michigan
Mention This Ad for 10% Off Screen Printing
989-354-4400
1. It’s not a laugh to practice barking at 3a.m.
If at first you don’t
succeed, I’m sure your
honor student will take
care of it.
2. It’s wrong to back Grandma into a corner and
guard her.
ANKH if you love Horus
3. He shouldn’t jump on your bed when he’s
sopping wet.
A Lit tle Full of Ourselves?
WWGD: What would
Groucho Do?
4. The cats have every right to be in the living room.
A man and his wife were lying in bed the other
night when he noticed she had bought a new
book entitled, “What 20 Million American Women
Want.”
I have an IQ in the top
2%. Who cares about the
other 95%?
Before the Librarian could even start
her speech he said, scornfully, “That
other Librarian we had could write.”
He grabbed the book out of her hands and
started thumbing through the pages.
I’m so far behind, I
thought I was first.
5. Barking at guests 10 minutes after they arrive is
stupid
6. Getting up does NOT mean we are going for a
walk
7. Just because I’m eating, doesn’t mean you can.
His wife was a little annoyed. “Hey, what do you
think you’re doing?”
Five days a week,
my body is a temple.
The other two, it’s an
amusement park
8. If you look at me with those big soppy eyes, I’m
not going to give in and feed you. NOT NOT NOT.
Oh, ok, just this once.
He calmly replied, “I just wanted to see if they
spelled my name right.”
As a matter of fact, I DID
sleep in these clothes
9. No, it’s my food....Oh alright then, just a small
piece.
Coin Supplies
Buying One
Piece or Entire
Collections
gold & Silver
Coin &
Currency
551 W. Lake St., tawas City
(Across from City Hall)
Mon-Sat 10am-5pm
989-362-2443
Gift Certificates
Available
Recipe
Homemade Toaster Pastries
WHAT YOU NEED
1 (14.1-ounce) box rolled refrigerated pie crust
1/4 cup strawberry preserves or your favorite flavor
1 cup confectioners’ sugar
1 tablespoon milk
Decorative sugar for garnish (optional)
HOW TO MAKE THEM
preheat oven to 425 degrees F. Coat a baking sheet
with cooking spray.
unroll one pie crust and using a knife, square the
edges. Cut into 12 rectangles 2 inches wide by 3
inches long. place a teaspoon of preserves in center
of 6 rectangles and top with remaining rectangles.
using a fork, crimp edges and place on baking sheet.
unroll second pie crust and repeat process.
Bake 7 to 9 minutes, or until lightly browned. Let
cool 5 minutes, then remove to a wire rack to cool
completely.
In a small bowl, stir together confectioners’ sugar and
milk, until consistency is like thick syrup. Spoon glaze
slowly over fruit pockets and sprinkle with decorative
sugar, if desired. Let harden, then serve.
– unknown
Got Income Tax Money?
Why Not Invest in Gold Silver! Come See
Dan (the silver fox) at The Coin Cove Today.
Let Your Money Work for You!
My son’s into extreme sports, my
daughter’s into extreme makeovers, and
my husband’s into extreme denial.
BUY ~ SELL ~ TRADE
Being happy doesn’t mean that
everything is perfect. It means that
you’ve decided to look beyond the
imperfections.
NOW OPEN
“Never allow someone to be
your priority while allowing
yourself to be their option.”
We are More than Just tires!
Complete Auto Repair
COMPuTEr DiAGnOSTiCS & EnGinE AnALYSiS
MuFFLErS & EXHAuST SYSTEMS
STEErinG & SuSPEnSiOn rEPAir
COMPuTEriZED WHEEL ALiGnMEnT
BALAnCinG • BrAKES • Air COnDiTiOninG
ELECTrOniCS TrOuBLESHOOTinG
uSED EnGinES & TrAnSMiSSiOnS
TOWinG AvAiLABLE
OvEr 70 DiFFErEnT TirE SiZES in STOCK
Ed & Jim Hart Jr., Owners
HART TIRE &
AUTOMOTIVE CENTER
989-739-3858 • Fax 989-739-8985
5248 N. US 23 Oscoda
If Reaching Our Front Door is Difficult
During Construction, the Welcome Mat is
Still Out Around the Back - Take the Road
That Runs Behind Rite-Aid at the Light!
Dean Arbour
10th Annual
TENT SALE EVENT
MAY 15-31, 2012
$1,000 Trade-in Bonus
YES, MAKE YOUR BEST DEAL AND
$1,000 trade bonus not vaild with any ot
NEW CADILLAC
STARTINg AS LOW
AS 29995.00
4 YEARS Of
PREMIUM
MANTENACE CARE
YES! WE WILL
DO YOUR,OIL
ChANgES,TIRE
ROTATIONS, fILTER
REPLACEMENTS
2006 Buick Terraza
Slatestone, 3.5L SFI
U44783 $12,995
2011 Chevrolet Impala
4-Door, red Jewel, 3.5L
JD44761 $22,495
4-Door, Summit White, 3.5L
JD44762 $22,495
4-Door, Silver Ice, 3.5L
JD44673 $22,495
2008 Dodge Grand Caravan
Blue
JD44772 $13,995
2009 Pontiac Torrent
Maroon
JD44801 $16,995
4-Door, White
JD44802 $13,995
2007 Nissan Quest
3.5L 6-cyl
U3296 $10,995
4-Door, Gold Mist, 3.5L
MJ44765 $22,995
2005 Chevrolet Silverado 2500
Dark Green, 6.0L
OVE44150 $19,995
2009 Chevrolet Aveo
4-Door, 1.6L MFI DOHC
Po44654 $10,995
2002 Oldsmobile Intrigue
4-Door, 3.5L SFI
Po44671 $5,495
2010 Cadillac DTS
4-Door, Black, 4.6L
Po44705 $28,995
2003 Chevrolet Tahoe
Dark Gray, 5.3L
Po44776 $11,495
2003 Hyundai Sonata
4-Door, Gray
ta44640 $7,995
2009 Pontiac G6
4-Door, Midnight Blue, 3.5L
U44478 $13,995
2006 Volkswagon Beetle
Convertible, Silver, 2.5L
U44501 $11,995
2009 Volkswagon Jetta
4-Door, Gray, 2.0L
U44564 $17,995
2005 Ford Mustang
Convertible, Green, 4.0L SOHC
U44582 $9,995
2005 Honda Pilot
Steel Blue, 3.5L
U44584 $12,995
Sport red, 5.3L
U44610 $17,995
Silverbirch, 5.3L MFI Iron
U44626 $16,995
2009 Pontiac G6
Sedan, Blue, 2.4L MFI DOHC
U44639 $13,995
2008 Ford F-150
Gray, 5.4L
U44647 $22,995
2002 Buick LeSabre
Sedan, White, 3.8L
U44786 $7,495
2006 Chevrolet HHR
Daytona Blue, 2.4L
U44655 $10,995
2003 Jeep Liberty
3.7L MpI
U44658 $11,995
2010 Ford Escape
Sangria red, 3.0L
U44789 $21,790
2009 Honda Odyssey
3.5L 6-cyl
U44800 $21,995
2010 GMC Terrain
Merlot Jewel, 2.4L
U44685 $23,995
2009 Chevrolet HHR
Silver Ice, 2.2L
U44792 $14,995
2002 Infiniti i35
4-Door, Silver, 3.5L
U44796 $9,995
2007 Kia Optima
4-Door, tan, 2.7L
U44698 $11,995
2005 Chrysler Pacifica
Green, 3.5L MpI
U44706 $10,995
2004 GMC Canyon
yellow, 3.5L MFI DOHC
U44707 $10,690
2006 Honda Civic
4-Door, Silver, 1.8L
U44708 $12,995
2010 Chevrolet Equinox
Summit White, 2.4L
U44715 $21,495
2006 Chevrolet Cobalt
4-Door, Blue Granite, 2.2L
U44720 $7,995
2004 GMC Yukon XL
5.3L V8
U44629 $13,995
2011 Cadillac Escalade EXT
Silver Lining, 5.2L SFI
U44768 $52,995
MANY gREAT
PROgRAMS AND
REBATES!
LOW RATES , LONg
TERMS , LEASE
PAYMENTS
ThE NUMBER ONE
RATED SERVICE
DEPARTMENT
YES, DEAN ARBOUR
ChEVROLET SERVICE
EMPLOYEES ARE ThE BEST!
ThE CUSTOMERS hAVE
SPOKEN!
ChEVROLET hAS
10 MODELS OffERINg
30 MPg hIghWAY OR
BETTER!
Many Other Great
Used Vehicles Available...
Come Down and Check Them Out!
dean arbour
CHEVy
rUNs
DeeP
tHe NeW staNDarD of tHe WorlD
2000 Ultrasport Damon Motor Home
White, cummins Ntc Dsl 14l U44803
$46,995
Sales • Service Call 1-866-438-3326
www.DeanArbourChevy.com
Parts
(989) 362-3403
Body Shop 1859 N. US-23 • East Tawas, MI
Dean
Dean ArbArbour
our F
More inform
www.deana ation at
rbourfm.co
m
vs.
10th Annualord / Mercury
OMERS
WILL
WIN!!
TENT
SALE
EVENT
Ford Fusion &MAY 15-31, 2012 Ford Transit
Connect
2003 CHEVY 2008 MERCURY
TAHOE 4WD MARINER V6
2007 FORD AWD
EDGE SEL Plus
s on AllFusion
Used Vehicles
2009 FORD
2002 CADILLAC 2002 MERCURY
FLEX SEL AWD SEVILLE SLS
SABLE LS
D GET $1,000 TRADE-IN BONUS!!!
Hybrid
ther offer or previously negotatied deals
Motor Trend Car of the Year.
North American Car of the Year.
2008 FORD 2007 CHEVY 35K
TAURUS SEL
HHR LT Miles!
UP TO 41 MPG!!
Up to $3,500 in Rebates!
2010 ford Taurus SEL
2011 ford fiesta SES
1 owner $23,995
1,250 mi., 1 owner $18,995
Financing
as
low
as
0%!
3.5L V6 auto P3065
1.6L 4-cyl u3237
2009 ford Mustang gT
1 owner, 27,633 $23,995
4.6L V8 manual p3124
2005 FORD
2008 MERCURY
F-150 STX 4WD MOUNTAINEER AWD
2010 ford Edge SEL
1 owner $23,500
3.5L V6 auto U3159
2000 FORD
RANGER
2001 ford Mustang gT
roush Stage III, 26,338 mi. $21,500
4.6L V8 5-speed u3313
2009 FORD
FOCUS SE
2008 ford Edge SEL
Panoramic roof, 1 owner $21,995
3.5L V6 auto p3341
North American Truck of the Year.
2001 gMC Sonoma —
2000 Oldsmobile Silhouette
Nothing
like gLSit anywhere
$5,995
leather $5,995
I-4 cyl. u3398
3.4L V6 auto u3331
hundreds of2.2Luses.
2009 ford fusion SE V6
1 owner $18,995
3.0L V6 auto u3197
2007 FORD EXPLORER 2008 DODGE 4WD 2008 FORD
Sport Trac Ltd. 4WD RAM 1500 27K Miles! ESCAPE XLT
2010 Mercury grand Marquis LS
1 owner, 18,182 $17,995
4.6L V8 auto p3130
2008 FORD 4WKD 2008 MERCURY 2008 MERCURY 2005 FORD RANGER
ESCAPE Ltd. M19iles! MARINER V6 MILAN I4 21K Miles! SUPERCAB
2001 Buick LeSabre Limited
126,825 mi. $6,995
3.8L V6 auto p3433
2006 FORD
F-150 STX
2009 Chevrolet Impala LT 3.9L
leather $15,500
3.9L V6 auto u3438
2008 LINCOLN
2001 FORD
MKZ
CROWN VIC LX
2011 Chevrolet Silverado 1500 LT
1 owner, 12,467 mi. $32,995
U3364
2002 Jeep grand Cherokee Laredo
$7,995
4WD 4.0L I-6 cyl auto p3390
2005 Chrysler Town & Country Touring
leather $10,995
3.8L V6 auto u3373
2005 Dodge Durango
4x4 $9,995
4WD 4.7L V8 auto u3414
2007 Lincoln MKZ
only 37,374 mi. $18,495
3.5L2007
V6 autoFORD
p3406
2008 Dodge Ram 1500
2009 Dodge Ram 3500
2008 Mercury Milan I4
36,374
mi. $14,995
2008
FORD
2.3L I-4 cyl. p3408
See your
salesperson*
2000 LINCOLN 2008 MERCURY
LS V6
MILAN I4 Premier
2008 FORD
ESCAPE XLT
to register for some
2008 ford Escape XLT 3.0L
$9,995
1 owner $19,995
3.4L
V6 auto u2375
4WD 3.0L
V6 auto
D 2007 SATURN
2006
CHEVY
2008
4WU3176
SILVERADO 1500
VUE 4-CYL.
TAURUS SEL ASPEN Ltd. 4WD
2007 Nissan Quest 3.5
2009 ford flex SE
Great Prizes Gift Certificates,
Gas Grill and
more!
2004 Chevrolet Suburban 1500
2009 ford flex Limited
extra-clean $10,995
27,512 mi., 1 owner $27,995
3.5L V62007
auto U3218
FORD
CHRYSLER 5.3L V8 auto u3428
2010 ford Explorer Eddie Bauer
2007 Dodge Ram 1500
2010 FORD
MUSTANG
2007 FORD Eddie
EXPLORER Bauer RANGER 4WD
1 owner
1 owner
leather,FORD
Hemi $21,995
1 owner,
25,117 mi., Big
HornDHemi2009
$26,995MERCURY
1 owner, D
$36,995
1 owner 2008
$26,995FORD
4WD$10,995
2007 3.5L
JEEP
GR.$22,995
2008 FORD
2007
FORD
2010 FORD
4W
4WD 2008
4WD 2007 MERCURY
W diesel
V6 auto p3158
4WD 4.0L V6 auto p3157
3.5L V6 auto
u3296
4WD 5.7L V8 u3419
4WD46.7L
I-6 cyl u3421
4WD 5.7L V8 p3425
s!
ile
s!
M
CHEROKEE LAREDO MARINER 31K
FUSION SE TAURUS Limited EXPLORER XLT F-150 SuperCrew MARINER I4 5K Mile
MUSTANG
4WD
ESCAPE XLT
D Mitsubishi
ford f-150 2006 CHEVY
Corolla
D 20052011
2008 2000
MERCURY
2009
2007
FORD 2011
2004
CHEVY
2007 FORD
2004
2008 PONTIAC
4W2011
2009 4
ford
SE PONTIAC A2005
WDEdge
WD Toyota
fordFORD
E-350 Super
Duty
ford E-350 Super Duty
2009 ford Escape
XLT FORD
2.5L
4W
Lancer ES
1 owner, silver, 80,014 mi. $9,995
D $18,995
$19,995
12-passenger,
1 owner, 23,187 mi. $21,495 EXPRESS
12-passenger, 1 owner,
14,953
mi. $22,995
14W
owner
D
s! $7,995
Miles! 1 owner $16,995
W
ile
K
A
M
35
MILAN
I4
Premier
SILVERADO
1500
VIBE
EXPLORER
XLT
EXPEDITION
F-150
XLT
F-350
G6
3K
1.8L 4-cyl u3309
3.5L V6 auto u3241
5.4L V8 auto p3405
5.4L V8 auto p3404
2.5L I-4 cyl auto u3202
2.0L I-4 cyl. u3393
2007 ford f-150 XLT
1 owner $12,995
1990 BMW 5251
$2,995
Green U3361
2002 FORD 4WD 2009 FORD F-150 2007 SATURN
SuperCrew 4WD1999
ION 2
F-350 CHASSIS
2010 ford f-150
iles! ford f-250
Ford
F-Series
2010 ford Escape XLT
1 owner, moon roof $23,995
Best
Truck
4WDSelling
2.5L V6 U3223
1 owner, 24,022 mi. $27,995
4WD 5.4L V8 u3436
Diesel $7,995
7.3L V8 u3394
Prices Too
Low to
Advertise!!
2011 Mercury grand Marquis LS
1 owner, 18,182 mi. $19,995
for 38
4.6Lyears.
V8 auto p3261
’09 Motor Trend Truck of the Year.
17K M
2000 ford Ranger
132,235 mi. $4,995
3.0L V6 u3391
CHECK OUT ALL THE NEW
2010 ford flexSUPER
SEL
2006
ford fusionTRUCKS
SEL V6
1998 Toyota
4Runner
SR5 V6 Limited
2011
DUTY
IN
STOCK
1 owner $23,995
leather, moon roof $10,495
AWD 3.5L V6 auto u3384
2011 ford Taurus Limited
1 owner $23,995
3.5L V6 auto p3424
3.0L V6 auto u3410
2008 ford Taurus X Limited
$17,495
3.5L V6 auto u3437
$3,995
2007 gMC Sierra 2500hD Classic SLE
Duramax Diesel, 1 owner, only 46,284 mi. $34,995
$
* Must take test drive to register
Rebates
up toTrades
6,500! Not Pictured – For more info, go to deanarbourfm.com
Many Fresh
Financing as low as 0%! MANY MORE VEHICLES FROM WHICH TO CHOOSE!!
Sale ends June 5, 2010
989-362-3489 • 1-800-610-3781
1995-2011
1995-2008
FOLLOW
US ON
MOTHERS DAY SPECIAL: All-You-Can-Eat Baked Ham Dinner $9.95
s
’
a
try
m
n
a
u
M Ko itchen
Daily -Eat
n
u-Ca
o
All-Y pecial et
S d Bask
K
Tune Your ‘Toon – Be Ready for Summer Fun!
I will pick your pontoon up from
storage.Tune it and make it water
ready for the season.
Servicing All
Makes & Models
t
kfas
Brea
Daily ecial
Sp , Meat,
In and Out Service / Tune Ups
Over 20 Years Serving
Northeast Michigan
gs
2 Eg & Coffee
t
nly
Toas 11am O
am6:30
Brea
f 2:
with hoice o ,
C
and p, Salad t
Sou Desser
to,
Pota
1109 W. AuSable rd.
Old uS-23 • Oscoda, MI
E-MAIL: boatdocoscoda@yahoo.com
OTHER MOTHERS DAY SPECIALS:
Baked Swiss Steak Dinner w/ potato $8.95
Stuffed Pork Chop $8.95
Stuffed Cornish Game Hen w/ potato $9.95
16 oz. New York Strip Steak w/ potato $14.95
Roasted Chicken or Turkey w/ potato $9.95
Above served w/ bread basket & choice of 2 items: soup, salad or dessert
Homemade Soups Every Day
Sunday-Thursday 6:30am to 8:00pm
Friday-Saturday 6:30am-9:00pm
Daily Lunch and Dinner Specials
Bring This Coupon for FREE COFFEE with Purchase of Any
Mothers Day Dinner Special (valid Mothers Day 2012 Only)
Mama’s Country Kitchen – Oscoda, MI
“Hope is the dream of the waking man.”
– Aristotle
Darrell’s Maxi Muffler &
Main Line Automotive
AUTOMOTIVE REPAIR • TIRE CENTER • OEM PARTS
PerforMaNce Parts
all tYPes of WelDiNG
FrONt END SErVICE
5673 F-41, Oscoda, MI 48750 (989) 739-1463
Also Visit Darrell’s Maxi Muffler at
1201 S. uS-23, tawas City, MI 48763 (989) 362-1463
Omer, MI
Products by - FoxFarm, General Hydroponics,
General Organics, Roots Organics, No Spider
Mites, Sierra Natural Science, just to name a few.
Certifications & Renewals by “dr. Bob”
Call to book your appointment!
(989) 653-2141
Authorized Dealer
407 W. Center St. (US-23), Omer
Mon-Fri 10-6, Sat 10-3
delivery Available • Come and Check Out Our Store!
HIcKOrY DIcKOrY DOcK cO.
* roll-In Boat Docks * cedar top
* ells * tees * platforms
* ladders & Benches
Things Mom
Would Never Say
GOODRICH
“How on earth can you
see the TV sitting so far
back?”
ASPHALT • PAVING
Serving This Area for Over 60 Years
“Yeah, I used to skip
school a lot, too.”
Driveways • Streets • Parking Lots • Resurfacing
Site Preparation • MDOT Pre-Qualified • Asphalt Sealer
Excavating • Sand • Gravel • Topsoil • Salt • Trucking
COMMERCIAL ~ RESIDENTIAL
“Just leave all the lights on
... it makes the house look
more cheery.”
“Let me smell that shirt -Yeah, it’s good for another
week.”
“Go ahead and keep that
stray dog, honey. I’ll be
glad to feed and walk him
every day.”
“Well, if Timmy’s mom
says it’s OK, that’s good
enough for me.”
Visit us on the web at
www.hickorydickorydocks.com
989-356-1791
www.everettgoodrichtrucking.com
Plant Location: 5614 Wessel Rd., Alpena
Office Location: 3851 Werth Rd., Alpena
Take The Good Life along
on your vacations!
Send us a picture of you and
The Good Life and win exciting new
Good Life merchandise!
Send your photo via email to info@thegoodlifepress.com
Or mail to P.O. Box 92, Lincoln, MI 48742
“I don’t have a tissue with
me ... just use your sleeve.”
“Don’t bother wearing a
jacket - the wind-chill is
bound to improve.”
Thoughts
Winter isn’t cold, it’s heat
challenged
The speed of time is onesecond per second.
I think of book-burning as
“English lit”
Life is too short to
proofread.
(989) 727-3168
Trucking & Asphalt Paving
“The curfew is just a
general time to shoot for.
It’s not like I’m running a
prison around here.”
All I ask is a chance to
prove that money can’t
make me happy.
13775 Hubbard Lake Rd. • Hubbard Lake, MI
(989) 739-5580
Join the I.R.S. - Be Audit
You Can Be!
Why is it that you must
wait until night to call it a
day?
“We at The Good Life Press
wish to express our gratitude
for all those who have served
in the armed forces and
given their lives to protect
our freedoms. Please take a
moment to honor the fallen
this Memorial Day and keep
those now serving in your
thoughts.”
– Chris Rayburn, publisher
Jimmie Says
Don’t Drink and
Drive...Just Drink!
Celebrate This
Memorial Day
with a Cold,
Michigan-Brewed
Beer from...
Short’s Brewing Co.
North Peak Brewing Co.
Mt. Pleasant Brewing Co.
Tri City Brewing Co.
Founders Brewing
Michigan Brewing Co.
New Holland Brewing
Bell’s Brewery Inc.
Arcadia Brewing Co.
Dark Horse Brewing Co.
Atwater Block Brewery
Alpena (989) 354-8044
Wayne B. McWilliams
Posen (989) 766-2541
Wm. Jeff Faircloth
www.lifestorynet.com • www.mcwilliamsfh.com
WE HAVE
Liquor • Beer • Wine
Hoodies, Sweats & T’s
Tobacco Products
Lottery & More
Jimmie Garant’s
Party Store
1226 W Chisholm St., Alpena
we know you can shop anywhere...
thank you for choosing miller shoes!
MILLER SHOES
“Your Footwear Specialist” SIZES 5-15 AAA to EEEEE
$15OFF
Any Pair of
SAS Shoes
Valid May 1-14, 2012
Monday-Saturday 9 a.m. - 6 p.m.
127 Newman • East Tawas
(989) 362-2587 • 1-800-929-3694
– Mark Twain
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”
Serving Northeast Michigan
specializing in
Seamless Gutters
and All Your Building and
Remodeling Needs
Phone (989) 471-8051
Cell (989) 916-5454
Licensed • Insured
For All Your Cross Stitch Needs!
e-mail: infostitchesnblooms@yahoo.com
As a history buff, I was looking forward to staying in a hotel in
Salisbury, England, that dated back to the 13th century. But when I
arrived, the hotel clerk gave me some bad news--my room was in the
new section. Disappointed, I asked when the ‘new’ section had been
built.
“In the 1600s,” she replied apologetically.
Never write a note or memo if you can phone or visit instead;
everyone wants to talk whenever you’re ready.
Don’t sit down to talk. The acoustics are better the higher you
are, and remember that most people are a bit deaf so speak up
louder!
Try to talk with at least three people between you and your
listener, so that they don’t feel left out.
The very best place for a conversation is in the corridor, beside
someone else’s desk. If the corridor is full, try leaning against
their cupboard or hanging over their screen.
Never warn people of your approach by knocking on their desk
or cupboard. People love surprises, especially if they’re busy.
The best time to disturb someone is when they look thoughtful
or are concentrating. It’s your duty to give them a break now
and again.
My wife and I had words, but I
didn’t get to use mine.
Keeping a High Profile in the Office
• DMC Floss • Fabrics • Books • Buttons • Beads
Now carrying *Complete Custom Matting & Framing Service
~Mail/Phone Orders Always Welcome~
Primitive
Embroidery
Hours: Monday - Friday 10am-5pm
Stamped
Embroidery &
Suite 132 • 2205 US‑23 South • Alpena, MI
Cross Stitch
(989) 354-3739
Items
Now carrying
European
Beads
$5 ea.
3 for $10
Compatible with
all bead bracelets
& necklaces
An elderly couple lie in bed. The women said:
“Remember, when we were dating you used
to kiss me on the cheek.”
So the man rolls over and kisses her cheek.
Just about asleep when the woman says:
“Remember when you used to nibble on my
ear.”
The man climbs out of bed; and stomp’s out
of the bedroom. The woman says: “Honey,
where are you going.”
The old man says: “To get my teeth.”
Glennie Party Store
The Only
Stop for
Package
Liquor in
Glennie
Home of the bigger, better Beer Den
A Great Variety of Ice-Cold Domestic & Import Beer
Liquor * Lotto * Cigarettes * Snacks * Sodas * Videos
Bait & Tackle
3303 State Rd.(M65) in Glennie
989-735-2156
To make sure that you get regular breaks, never use a “Do No
Disturb” sign. When other people use them they’re only joking.
If the phone isn’t answered after four rings, hang on. Someone
will answer it eventually, and they might like a chat, too.
MEDICAL MARIJUANA
CERTIFICATION & RENEWALS!
Local Patient Certification Clinics
FULL EVALUTIONS
AVAILABLE!
Never divert calls if you’re leaving your desk. Your telephone
could get into bad habits.
Try to whistle, hum or tap your fingers while you work. It is a
comfort to others to know that you’re still there.
If you have to design the office layout, remember to leave lots
of wide-open spaces so that we can see and hear each other
right across the floor.
ONLY
$
120
Call for more information
& appointments
(989) 525-5700
SP51494
SP51494
Always hold meetings around a desk. If you book a conference
room everyone will think you’ve got something to hide.
www.alternativesolutionsplus.com
SPRIggS
COLLISION
COMPLeTe COLLISION SeRVICe
Fiberglass Repair • Gel Coating
Boats • Jet Skis • RV’s • Anything Fiberglass
INSURANCe WORK
WeLCOMe –
get a Prompt Quality
Repair & Save Part or All
of Your Deductible
It’s Your Choice...
Not the Insurance Company’s!
30 YEARS SAME LOCATION
989-362-8571
Ask for Jim
BRIAN ANKNER
Custom
ReUpholstery
201 S. Second St.
Lincoln, MI
All Work Done in Smoke
Free Shop!
1-989-736-7467
You order a Double Whopper and he says, “Hey, my
name ain’t Rockefeller, honey.”
You’ve never heard someone speak with such passion
about an ant farm.
He seems to know an awful lot about your shower
routine.
Your dinner reservations are under “Loser, party of 2”
He’s especially proud of how long he can sustain a
burp.
He calls to tell you he’ll pick you up, just as soon as the
stand off with the police is over.
He’s been on Geraldo once and Jerry Springer, twice.
B&D sales
Golf Carts,
Accessories,
Lift Kits &
Boxes
Recycled Batteries and
Interstate Batteries
Now In Stock
Parts & Service - All Makes
366 S. US-23, Harrisville
989-724-6212
U-HAUL AUTHORIZED DEALER
truck Sales
truck & trailer rentals
Plus Moving
Supplies
Mon-fri 9-5;
sat 9-1
VISA & MASTERCARD ACCEPTED
When I’m bored, I send a text message
to a random number saying, “I hid the
body, now what?”
restoration services
fire • water smoke • mold • mildew
Alpena: (989) 356-9800
toll free: (866) 544-9800
24-hO
Ur
eMer
GenC
Y
SerV
ICe
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively
mischievous. they were always getting into trouble and their parents
knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably
involved.
the boys’ mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in
disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.the
clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent
her 8-year-old in first that morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman
in the afternoon.
the clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy
down and asked him sternly, ”Where is God?”
the boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there
with his mouth hanging open, wide eyed. So the clergyman repeated the
question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God!!?” Again the boy made no
attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook
his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “WHErE IS GOD!?”
the boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove
into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found
him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?”
the younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, “We are in BIG trouble this
time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!”
AnJ Statewide Real Estate
430 S. U.S. 23
Phone: (989) 724-5711
Fax: (989) 724-6833
1-800-655-5735
A very nice 2 bedroom, 2 bath home located in downtown
Harrisville. You are within walking distance to dining,
entertainment, the beach,harbor, and grocery store. Big
Value - Low Price. $54,900 #12-0028
This freshly remodeled and updated 3 bedroom home
sits on 1+ acre of land. Home features large master bedroom,
2 bathrooms, remodeled kitchen with oak cupboards and
corian counters, family room with fireplace, all new carpeting
and painting throughout. Move-In Condition. Good Location!
$79,900 #11-0118
AnJ Statewide Real Estate
E-mail:
sold@anjstatewide.com
Web Site:
www.statewiderealestate.net
www.harrisvillestatewide.com
www.realestate-mls.com
This 40+/- acres is located on Cedar Lake Road with utilities available.
Includes driveway, culvert and Cedar Lake Creek running through the
property. Consists of three 10 acre parcels, one 8.63 acre parcel and
four Timberlakes Estates lots bordering the acreage. With Timberlakes
Estates amenities the buyer has lake access to Lake Huron and the
use of the club house and boat launch on Cedar Lake. Perfect property
for the outdoor sportsman and has some nice building sites. Seller will
consider selling in smaller parcels. $59,900 #11-0151
This very nice home was built by the owner themselves for
their retirement home. Their personal touch is everywhere from
the 26 x 36 finished and insulated garage, to the two covered
decks, and the overall charm. The view of Lake Huron in the
distance is impressive. Built on a high bluff provides seclusion
and privacy from any neighbors. $149,900 #10-0074
This cottage is located on one of the nicest lots on the east side
of Cedar Lake. Lots of trees and a beautiful, sandy swimming
area. Large open floor plan great for entertaining the entire family.
New roof and storm windows throughout. Hook-Up to city water
available. $164,900 #12-0026
Beautiful wooded acre, close to town with a 2 bedroom
mobile home. Great location, perfect for that up north or
weekend get-a-way. Comes with a shed to store all your toys!
$20,500 #11-0114
It just doesn’t get any better - seclusion, privacy and just
minutes from Lake Huron, the Harbor with boat launch and
town! This 10 acre parcel is perfect for the up north get-away
or your retirement home. $20,500 #11-0061
Enjoy the beauty of Lake Huron as well as the beautiful sand beach that
provides miles of sandy walking. The wooded lot provides privacy and reduces
the traffic noise. The 28 x 13 great room has two door sliders leading to a 50 ft
wrap around deck overlooking the lake. The 12 x 17 master bedroom has an
updated master bath. This building was added to and updated in 2003. At that
time new windows, furnace, flooring, kitchen cabinets, central air, vinyl cedar
shake exterior, deck, roof, and heated 23 x 23 garage were installed. A fence in
the back yard is perfect for your pet. This is an opportunity, at a great price, to
own and enjoy a quality Lake Huron home. $295,000 #12-0034
Why have the hassles and upkeep of owning a cottage
when you could be enjoying a condo lifestyle. This one
bedroom, one bath condo is in move-in condition. Condo
overlooks beautiful Cedar Lake. Boat ramp and park directly
across the street. No lawns to mow or walls to paint. Start
enjoying your up-north experience the moment you step out
of your car. $29,900 #12-0042
Perfect opportunity to move up from the busy down state area
to an enchanting year round outdoor sports area and run your own
life. The B C Bar & Grill offers you the opportunity to do just that!
The bar and grill has had many updates over the past couple of
years including: floor covering, new bathrooms, booths, some
tables & chairs, outside wood burner as alternative heat, new air
conditioning unit, windows & etchings, new deep fryers, pizza oven,
and more. Call for all the details! $295,000 #12-0035
OWNER FINANCING. LOW DOWN PAYMENT AND INTEREST. MAKE AN
OFFER. OWNER IS MOTIVATED. Twelve units with the opportunity for beach
access on Lake Huron. Completely renovated in 2006 including vinyl siding, wiring,
windows, hot water heaters, plumbing, showers, sinks, toilets, roof, water filtration
system, carpet, beds, linens, towels, chairs, tables, bedding, paint, artwork, heat
& air conditioning, well pump, pressure tank, screen doors, entry doors, patio
furniture, grill, washer/dryers in the laundry. A three seasons business with a
positive cash flow. The office and laundry building can easily be converted to an
owner’s or manager’s apartment, 3/4 bath already installed. $189,000 #10-0120
REDUCED PRICE BY $35,000 - A great cottage at a great
price. Close to Federal Land on Lake Huron, has beach
access, and a short distance from a DNR boat launch ramp
in the Black River. New vinyl siding, windows, roof, fireplace,
furnace, ceiling in great room. Well insulated for year round
living. $39,900 #10-0028
Two elderly sisters were having coffee at the kitchen table.
One sister was saying to the other, “When I die, I want to be
buried facing east, so that I’ll be facing the rising sun each
morning.”
The other sister looked at her in irritated bewilderment.
“What are you talking about?” she replied. “You’re going to be
cremated! You won’t have a face!!!”
Real Signs and Advertisements
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra
pair to take home, too.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it
carefully by hand.
No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will
make it really repellent.
A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read
“Unique Breakfast,” so he walked in and sat down.
The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he
wanted.
“What’s your Unique Breakfast?” he asked.
“Baked tongue of chicken!” she proudly replied.
“Baked tongue of chicken? Baked tongue of chicken! Do you
have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even
consider eating anything that came out of a chicken’s mouth!”
he fumed.
Undaunted, the waitress asked, “What would you like, then?”
“Just bring me a hard boiled egg,” the man replied.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful
condition.
Save regularly in our bank. You’ll never reget it.
This is the model home for your future. It was panned by
Better Homes and Gardens.
For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
For Sale: Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last
Stock up and save. Limit: one
We build bodies that last a lifetime
See ladies blouses. 50% Off!
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops!
Viking Marine, Inc.
Over 39 Years in Business
989-727-2797
4968 Hubbard Lake Road
Spruce, MI 48762
Certified Mercury & MerCruiser Parts & Service
vikingmarine-hubbardlake.com
FRED SIEBERT
JOHN M. UNKOVICH
Sales & Service
Parts & Service
Alpena Area Chamber of Commerce
Chick-fil-A Leadercast
will be held Friday, May 4, 2012 at the Great Lakes Maritime Heritage Center Education Room
(Time: TBD). Space will be limited this year to 150 attendees (last year we had more than 200).
Please mark the date and plan on getting tickets as soon as they go on sale! Speakers include John
Maxwell, Tim Tebow, Urban Meyer, Angela Ahrendts and many more. Know for sure you want to
go? Contact the Chamber to be put on “the list” to be the first to know when tickets are available.
$
3
00
Off
PREMIUM WASh
State Street Auto Wash
Located at State Street • 105 Mason Street, Alpena
Clearview Car Wash
expires 5/31/2012
US-23 North • East Tawas & Oscoda
United Way of Northeast Michigan
LIVE UNITED
TM
Give. Advocate. Volunteer.
Serving Alpena, Alcona & Montmorency Counties
701 Woodward Avenue, Alpena, MI 49707
989-354-2221 ~ 989-356-5782 FAX
uwnemi@unitedwaynemi.org
Marc K. Ferguson
financial advisor
Full Service Excavating
& Material Contractor
989-358-2400
1015 Us 23 North
suite 1
Alpena, MI 49707
Bus. 989-358-2049
tF. 888-358-8997
fax 888-418-9668
Other Chamber
Events in 2012
Curb Side Fireworks
Button Sales in
from the Alpena
Chamber office (235
W. Chisholm St.) on
Thursday, May 10,
2012 from 10:30a.m.2:30p.m. Volunteers
will be selling
fireworks buttons for
only $5. Listen to
Bay 108 that day to
hear updates on our
progress.
www.edwardjones.com
The Alpena
INDOOR FLEA MARKET
Open Every Weekend
in May
Come and see us at 2630 US-23 South
Open Sat 9-5 • Sun 12-5
S IS
Established 1867
Skiba Insurance Services, Inc.
• Home & Auto
• Annuities
Discount
• Business
• High Risk Auto
Insurance
• Worker’s Comp
• Life
• Health
127 W. River • Alpena
Phone: (989) 356-9058
Fax:(989) 356-1694 • Toll Free: 1-800-33-SKIBA
e-mail: skibains@chartermi.net
Tom Skiba
with 50 years
of service
Hometown Tour will
be held Thursday,
May 24, 2012 from
Quilt Shop
Noon-4:30p.m. Take
a bus tour of the area,
stepping off at specific
1015B Hawley Road
points of interest.
Hillman, Michigan 49746
Return to the Thunder
989-379-2406 shop • 989-255-4368 cell
Bay National Marine
sandydees@core.com
Sanctuary for a trip
on the glass bottom
boat. Tour includes
a gift bag for each
Congratulations! participant. Free for
Congratulations!
employees of Chamber/
Alpena Area
CVB members; $45 for
Alpena Chamber
of Commerce
Chamber
of
prospective members.
Commerce
Registration is required,
www.cfnem.org
contact the Chamber at
www.cfnem.org
989.354.4181.
SandyDee’s Sewing
4th of July Parade
on Wednesday, July
4 beginning at 11a.m.
Parade begins at Alpena
County Fairgrounds,
11th Ave., Chisholm
St., straight across 2nd
Ave. Bridge., turn left
on Fletcher to the big
parking area across
from Alpena Marc’s
brick building.
Pura Vida Salon
140 S. Ripley St.
Alpena, MI
989-354-3303
605 S. Ripley Blvd., Alpena
(989) 356-2181
CROW REALTY
www.c21crowrealty.com
Each office is independently owned
and operated
Quality Service • Award-Winning Office
Alpena’s ALL TIME Real Estate Leader
(M. I. Thrifty) 989-255-1384
Come to our “Fill a Bag for $4.00”
Back Door Yard Sale!
Fri. May 18th 10AM to 6PM • Sat. May 19th 10AM to 6PM
2579B US Hwy 23 South, Alpena
F.L.O.G. Fest (Annual
Chamber Golf Outing)
will be held on Friday,
August 10. More
details to come at a
later date.
Alpena Area Chamber of Commerce
2012 Good Morning Alpena Breakfast Events
May 11 ~ What’s new Alpena? Sponsor: The Alpena News Location: Art in the Loft Gallery 109
July 13 ~ Brown Trout Festival Kickoff. Location: Brown Trout Big Tent
September 7 ~ United Way Kickoff. Location: APlex
November 9 ~ Out With the Old, In With the New… (but keep the things that work!). Location: Alpena
County Library Conference Room
All breakfasts start at 7a.m. with the program beginning at 7:30a.m. Cost is $8 per person.
RSVP required to 989.354.4181 or info@alpenachamber.com
2nd Annual Grub
Crawl will be on
Thursday, September
13 from 6p.m.-10p.m.
This event was a huge
success last year and we
are looking forward to
hosting it again!
USO Show will be on
Saturday, September
29 at the Alpena
CRTC. The 2012 USO
Show Committee is
currently booking acts
for the event. This is
a fun event filled with
a variety of musical
performances. Some
people sing. And
others pretend. But no
matter what style you
(or a group of you)
choose, it is always a
great time. Questions?
Contact Kathy Himes at
kathyh@alpena.mi.us or
989.464.4850.
Holiday Parade will
be held the day after
Thanksgiving, Friday,
November 23, 2012
beginning at 5:30p.m.
at the at the Annex
building parking lot at
the corner of Chisholm
and Ninth Street. The
parade route begins
by turning left onto
Chisholm, left onto
Second Avenue, right
onto Water Street, and
ends in the parking lot
behind City Hall. No
early departures from
the route.
“celebrity
server Night”
Serving from 5-8pm
on Mon., May 7th:
National Relief
Network (NRN)
400 S. Ripley, Alpena
989-354-4131
HOME FURNISHINGS
LAZBOY FURNITURE
FLOORING
(989) 356-3812
100 North Ripley St.
Alpena, MI 49707
every Friday is red
shirt Day honoring and
supporting our troops
@ ripley Big Boy
www.StarStaffingAlpena.com
119 Water Street
Alpena, MI 49707
(989) 356-2999
Since 1987
Come
in for
our May
Specials!
~ Shop Locally ~
E-MAIL: custservice@
northshorehomefurnishings.com
2236 US 23 South
Alpena, MI 49707
Phone (989) 354-2171
Email: info@NEMCS.com
Fax (989) 356-6606
WORLD WIDE TRAVEL
Lud’s Professional Building
1223 S. State St. Suite C
Alpena, MI 49707
Wendy LaCombe
ACC, CTC
wendylacombe@frontier.com
989-354-WIDE
(989-354-9833)
Stacey McEwen
Destination Specialist
staceymcewen@frontier.com
www.worldwidetravelsandtours.com
If you want to be in...
The
Gift
Giving candles
Garden
“Out”
Jewelry
989-354-8231
OPEN Mon - Sat 10-8 • Sun 12-8
Unique
fun
House
You’ve got to get “OUT!”
126 S. Ripley
1045 N. Bagley St. • Alpena
989-340-0606
Starting May 18th we will be
open until 10 pm; 9 pm Sun.
Mother’s Day is Sunday May 13th
Bring Mom in for an ice cream treat.
Mom’s is FRee when you buy a treat
of equal or greater value.
www.northcountrycandyandgifts.com
fREE CAR WASh
WITH OIL CHANGE
State Street Lube
State Street at grant, Alpena • (989) 356-2722
Vintage Oil
expires 5/31/2012
and a finalist for 2010
1213 Chisholm St., Alpena • (989) 354-7970
Clearview Car Wash & Lube
1748 N. US-23, East Tawas • (989) 362-0450
5232 N. US-23, Oscoda • (989) 739-1227
Liquor
Phone: 989.354.8983 • Fax: 989.354.3560
e-mail: z-mi10@ziebart.com
Detailing: 30 yrs. in Alpena. Both Interior/Exterior
Accessories: Trailer Hitches, Tonneau Covers,Mudflaps, etc.
Protection: Rhino Lining, Rustproofing, Diamond Gloss
Paint Protection
2673 US 23 South
Alpena, MI 49707
Evelyn Steinke
21940 Co. Rd. 451, Hillman
Groceries • Cold Beer and Wine
Deli Sandwiches
989-742-3342
Royston General Store
A few minutes later, the husband
gets into the cab, “Sorry I took so
long,” he says. “Stupid old thing
was hiding under the bed and
I had to poke her with a coat
hanger to get her to come out!”
A couple was going out for the
evening. They’d gotten ready, all
dolled up, cat put out, etc. The
taxi arrives, and as the couple got
out, the cat shoots back in. They
don’t want the cat shut in the
house, so the wife goes out to
the taxi while the husband goes
upstairs to chase the cat out. The
wife, not wanting it known that
the house will be empty explains
to the taxi driver, “He’s just going
upstairs to say goodbye to my
mother.”
That Darned Cat
989-358-0808
BUILDING EXPRESS
IS YOUR HOME AIR-TITE?
SPRAY
FOAM
INSULATION
Carole McLaughlin
Gaylord 989-732-3400 • Fairview 989-848-8336
Alpena 989-356-8401 • www.gaylordgas.com
Gaylord Gas Can Heat Your Home for
As Little As $129 Per Month!
He looked her right in
the eye and said, “This
isn’t going to take all
day, is it?”
She said:” What are
your golf clubs doing
here”?
The bride came down
the aisle and when she
reached the altar, the
groom was standing
there with his golf bag
and clubs at his side.
George Washington’s
brother was the
uncle of our country.
2080 Werth Rd., Alpena • (989) 356-9437
Open Mon-Fri 10:00-5:30, Sat 11:00-3:00
Buying items for resale on TUESDAYS
TUTU Boutique Custom Made Tutu & Hair Bows
“Best Name Brands in Like-new
Condition Without the New Cost!”
RESALE SHOPPE & MATERNITY OUTLET
JUST FOR KIDS
Email: info@NEMCS.com
Fax (989) 356-6606
my Dad did something really stupid.
My Mom chewed him out for it. He
apologized, they made up.
Phone (989) 354-2171
2236 US 23 South
Alpena, MI 49707
“Your Pain
Management
Specialists”
16309 Co. Rd. 451
Hillman, MI 49746
P.O. Box 476
Phone: 989-742-3711
866-742-2165
Fax:
989-742-2165
989-356-2312
120 S. Ripley St., Alpena, MI 49707
Indoor • Outdoor • Landscaping Lights
Ceiling Fans • Lamps • Lamp Shades
Lamp Repair • Mirrors
Mailboxes • Address Plaques
Alpena Lighting
A grown-up is someone
who suffers from
responsibility.
5900 U.S. 23 North • Alpena, MI 49707
www.abchomesalpena.com
Mark Holmes
989-356-2621
HOMES, INC.
We except drop offs of old and broken home and
office equipment to be recycled for free.
We are a non-profit organization devoted to going green and
keeping your old used computers and equipment out of our landfills.
Used & Refurbished Computer Sales
PC Repairs • FREE DIAGNOSIS
989-340-1102
2577 US 23 S., Alpena
“It is,” she said. “I just don’t want
you to forget that I’ve forgiven and
forgotten.”
However, from time to time, my
mom mentions what he had done.
“Honey,” my Dad finally said one
day, “why do you keep bringing
that up? I thought your policy was
‘forgive and forget.’”
NEW LOCATION
Behind The Drug Store
2240 US-23 S., Alpena
(989) 356-6178
Full Color Printing
Business Cards * Checks
Multi-Part Forms * Tickets & More
Service Solutions & Savings
Open Mon - Sat10 AM - 8:00 PM, Sun 12:00 PM to 5:00 PM
989-356-3271
DAILY SPECIALS
Now Offering Subs & Sandwiches
Rylie’s Cafe
IN THE ALPENA MALL
“When I first started driving, who would
have thought gas would someday cost 29
cents a gallon. Guess we’d be better off
leaving the car in the garage.”
“Have you seen the new cars coming out
next year? It won’t be long when $5,000
will only buy a used one.”
“I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep
going the way they are, its going to be
impossible to buy a weeks groceries for
$20.00.”
QUOTES FROM 1957
“I think kangaroos have a
Today I picked up my mothergood deal. I like that pouch
in-law at the airport. She’s
setup. I’d have a child if it
getting a little up there.
Some of the other kids thought she
said a naughty word and told on her. would mature in a handbag.”
She’s at the age where she
– Rita Rudner
The teacher stepped in to explain, “If
doesn’t remember things too
your mommy asked you to bring her a
well. So when I saw her I said,
damp towel, what does she want?”
“Thanks for coming. Have a
A little girl blurted out, “She means
she wants that towel right now!”
nice flight!”
Once upon a time in their marriage,
Hours Mon-Fri 8am-6pm
Saturday 8am-4pm
(989) 356 9429
427 W. Campbell Alpena
“BEST PRICE, BEST SELECTION”
Snow Plow Parts
One day a child at my four-year-old’s
preschool class told her classmates
that she needed a ‘damp towel.’
39
$ 95
Also works
great to store
snow plow!
Roll out of the way and store
3 Piece
Snowmobile
Roller Set
Unique Handmade Gift Items Made
Especially for You or Your Loved Ones
This Holiday Season
NOW OPEN!
Call 989-354-5816 • service@gloe.net
Must present coupon – one cartridge per coupon
Offer valid through May 31, 2012
On your next premium compatible printer
cartridge. We can supply any make or model.
Please call or email for a quote today!
REGULAR PRICE
25% OFF
NMLS # 162478
PH: 989-356-5900
LOW RATES!
LOW COSTS!
PURCHASE / REFI
CALL TODAY!
Phone (989)-354-0121 • Fax (989) 354-0123
Monday-Friday, 8am-4pm • Saturday, 8am-Noon
www.alpena-embroidery-and-trophies.com
at our new location
3111 US-23 S. • Alpena
ALPENA EMBROIDERY & TROPHIES
Tuesday - Friday
Find Your Copy of “The Good Life,” northeast michigan’s funniest paper, in this fine establishment!
20% OFF WITH COUPON - Expires 5/31/12
The Buck Rocks Here!!!
Fishing Tackle • Icre Cream
3033 US-23 South, Alpena
354-4583
The
Red
Arrow
Phone (989)354-4354
Located in The Alpena Mall
Cards, Comic Books, Games, Movies,
and Collectibles
BUY - SELL - TRADE
signaturemotorsales.com
989.354.3566
at Alpena Trim
4147 U.S. 23 N. Alpena, MI
Lotto
Beer • Wine
There’s
a Car for
Every
Income!
(989) 340-0941
Monday - Friday 8:30 to 5:30
2160 E. State St. • Alpena
Stop in and See Suzie Soldenski
Trade-in’s Welcome!
CROSSROADS AUTO PLAZA
Must Preset Coupon - Good thru 5/31/2012
20% OFF Any Pre-played Games
with This Coupon
koticgames.com
New School & Old School
989-356-6444
2290 US 23 S
Alpena Mall
C
E
L
L
NOW HERE: The Complete Kindle Line + Accessories!
The Only Full-Line RadioShack Store in Northeast Michigan
Pre-paid
Oscoda
phone
service
RadioShack Dealer New Tracfones in
FULL-LINE Stock from $9.99
Phones in Stock
RADIoSHACK New Net 10with
the new $50.00
P
h
O PAY ALL YoUR
N BILLS HERE!
Open 9-5 M-F • Sat 9-4
E
(989)
739-2911 Suite #4
S
North Star
Diner Two
Suite
#3
Professional Alterations & Repair
N
$10 OFF PROM TUXEDO RENTALS
Valid thru May 2012
A Selection of Basic Sewing Notions
unlimited service
Boostmobile phones from $34.95
and the $50.00 unlimited service
Beauty Salon
Haircuts ~ Perms ~ Waxing
Color ~ Cap ~ Foils
neW SHELLAC MANICURE
May Special: Perms Starting at $45 with Coupon
OPEN Tues-Fri 10-5 • Sat 9-1 • Walk-in’s Welcome!
Stylists
Suite #2
Cheryl & Joy
(989) 739-1956
THE OSCODA COMMONS
W
(989) 739-3412
E
Mon.-Fri. 9:00-5:30
Closed for Lunch 1-2
Gary’s
Hair Care
S
(989) 739-1837
OPEN DAILY 7am-2pm
SERVING BREAKFAST & LUNCH
Breakfast Available All Day
WEDNESDAYS: $1.00 Coneys
Daily Breakfast & Lunch Specials
Hours: Mon-Fri 9:00-5:00 • (989) 739-3464
MEn’S AnD BOYS HAir CuT
OnLY $6.00 with Coupon
Suite
#6
5737 N. US-23, OSCODA (Next to K-Mart)
When we moved cross-country, my wife and I Tower: ‘TWA 2341,
decided to drive both of our cars.
for noise abatement
Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, turn right 45 Degrees.’
“How will we keep from getting separated?”
TWA 2341: ‘Center,
“We’ll drive slowly so that one car can follow we are at 35,000 feet.
the other,” I reassured him.
How much noise can
“Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?” he
we make up here?’
persisted.
Tower: ‘Sir, have you
“Well, then I guess we’ll never see each
ever heard the noise
other again,” I quipped.
a 747 makes when it
“Okay,” he said. “I’m riding with Mom.”
hits a 727?’
Hubbard Lake General Store
ALL DNr LICENSES
BAIt & tACKLE
BEEr - WINE - LIQUor
FrESH MEAtS - groCErIES
Lotto - ProPANE
(989) 727-9172
NORTH END
“AT THE CORNERS”
COLE fOREST PRODUCTS LLC.
Buying standing timber
5 acres or More
top price paid
call for Free QUotes on
Management cuts to improve your
land and promote Better re-growth
also selling Firewood - 8 ft. lengths
scott cole (989) 335-0755
ALL RISK INSURANCE
2213 US 23 S., ALPENA, MI 49707 • 989-358-8400
LET US SAVE YOU MONEY WITH
MULTI-POLICY DISCOUNTS
Tickets? Lapse? No Problem!
Immediate Coverage –
Low Down Payments
Auto – Motorcycles – Snowmobiles – RV’s – ATV’s
Mobile Home (no matter the age)
Rec. Vehicles – Commercial Vehicles – SR22
ANNUAL MOTORCYCLE COVERAGE AS LOW AS $19 DOWN
M
IKADO
ARKET
Pizza
Wed - Sun
begining at
noon
LUNCH SPECIALS • CAPPUCCINO
Homemade Soups, Salads & More Daily at 11am
Homemade Jerky
Double-Smoked
Bacon
DVD Rental • Mikado T’s & Sweats • Live Bait
We accept VISA, MasterCard, Bridge Cards, and WIC
Hours: Sun 8-8, Mon-Sat 8-9
2276 F-41, Mikado • 989-736-3066
Joel’s Guitar Shop For the Kids
Serving the Alpena Area Since 1997
Word Search
1008 S. State, Alpena (989) 356-6384
owners: Joel & laurie choate
CRACK THE WHIP
LEAP FROG
DODGE BALL
MARBLES
FREEZE
MOTHER, MAY I?
Games to Play Outdoors
New and Used
Stringed
Instruments
Buy~Sell~Trade
All Musical Supplies
HIDE AND SEEK
HOPSCOTCH
HOT POTATO
JUMP ROPE
LESSONS AVAILABLE
Clip This Ad - Get 10% OFF Regular Prices Storewide
Not to be combined with any other offers
WANTED:
RED ROVER
SIMON SAYS
TAG
KEEP AWAY
TETHERBALL
KICK BALL
TUG OF WAR
KICK THE CAN
WALL BALL
Old Vintage Guitars, Mandolins and Banjos
New and Used School Band Instruments
A Very Special Mothers Day
Package from Branham’s Jewelry
With Any Purchase of $99 or
More, You Will Receive a Potted
Flower, Chocolates from The Village
Chocolatier and a Mothers Day Card.
Unscramble
the Words
The Birds! The Birds!
1. DBBCLRIAK___________________
2. IRBNO_______________________
3. RDCOWPEOEK________________
4. NCDAIALR____________________
5. BJAUELY_____________________
6. LNFCOA_____________________
Restrictions Apply - See Store for Details
5226 North US-23
Oscoda, MI
739-1341
219 Newman St.
East Tawas, MI
362-3674
7. OPGENI______________________
302 West Houghton Ave.
West Branch, MI
345-5710
8. RSRAOPW____________________
www.branhamsjewelry.com
9. LSUGELA_____________________
The Sands Resort
on Hubbard Lake
We offer cozy 2 bedroom, 1 bath, cottage rentals or a main
house with 4 bedrooms and 2 baths, all with lake views on
the largest inland lake in Northeast Michigan. Perfect for the
swimming, boating, and fishing enthusiasts.
SPRING SPECIALS:
APRIL, MAY: $550 PER WEEK, JUNE: $650 PER WEEK
Diane - Manager 989-727-3864
www.HubbardLakeRentals.com (810) 964-5868
ALSO: 3-Bedroom on Grand Lake, $700 a Week
Boat &
Pontoolsn
Renta
Gordon’s
Ham and Pineapple Pizzas
Kids activities should always be supervised by an adult.
WHAT YOU NEED:
4 pitas
8 ounces sliced deli ham
1 8-ounce ball fresh mozzarella,
sliced
1 8-ounce can pineapple chunks,
drained
HOW TO MAKE IT:
Heat oven to 425° F.
place the pitas on a baking sheet.
layer with the ham, mozzarella,
and pineapple.
Bake until the pitas are crisp and
the cheese has melted, 10 to 12
minutes.
1. BLACKBIRD, 2. ROBIN, 3. WOODPECKER,
4. CARDINAL, 5. BLUEJAY, 6. FALCON,
7. PIGEON, 8. SPARROW, 9. SEAGULL
An elderly woman walked into the local country
church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door
and helped her up the flight of steps. “Where would
you like to sit?” he asked politely.
“The front row please,” she answered.
“You really don’t want to do that,” the usher said
“The pastor is really boring.”
“Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman
inquired.
“No.” he said.
“I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly.
“Do you know who I am?” he asked.
“No.” she said.
“Good,” he answered.
Kids recipe
As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He
called out, “Anyone here know how to pray?”
One man stepped forward. “Aye, Captain, I know how to pray.”
“Good,” said the captain, “you pray while the rest of us put on our life
jackets - we’re one short.”
I So Love Chain Letters
i want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your
stinking chain letters over the past years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure,
blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern........
i no longer drink a certain brand of cola because it can remove toilet stains and it
eats the paint off of cars.
i no longer drink two other brands of soft drinks since the people who make these
products refuse to put “under God” on their cans.
i no longer use plastic wrap in the microwave because a chain letter said it causes
cancer.
Hunting
& ORV
Licenses
BAIT & TACKLE
minnowsleechescrawlersleafwormsWaxwormscrayfish
pop  snacks  Icecampfire Wood tackle & gear
i no longer use supposedly cancer-causing deodorants even though i smell like a
wet dog on a hot day.
OPEN 7 DAYS • Daylight to Dark - Just Stop In!
i no longer go to shopping malls because someone will surely drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
(989) 728-2248
Thanks so much for turning me into an edgy, neurotic basket case!!!
6075 N. M-65, Glennie at the AuSable River & Five Channels Dam
Up North Home Watch
Serving All of Northeast Michigan
A Service for Absentee & Vacation Home Owners
Weekly, Bi-weekly or Monthly Home & Property Inspections
Additional Caretaker Services Available
Experienced & Professional • Outstanding Customer Service
Affordable Peace of Mind for You, Security for Your Home
989-255-6899
211Newman
NewmanSt.,
St.,East
East
Tawas,
225
211
Tawas,
MIMI
989-362-4585• •1-877-552-4545
1-877-552-4545
989-362-4585
My wife said, “Whatcha
doing today?”
I said, “Nothing.”
She said, “You did that
yesterday.”
I said, “I know. I wasn’t
finished.”
Money isn’t everything, but
it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Walking Across America collection of works available at Simple Miracles, Harrisville
The tax advisor had just read the story of
Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for
the first time. The little girl was fascinated
by the story, especially the part where the
pumpkin turns into a golden coach.
Artist Pablo Picasso surprised a
burglar at work in his new chateau.
The intruder got away, but Picasso
told the police he could do a rough
sketch of what he looked like. On
Suddenly she piped up, “Daddy, when the the basis of his drawing, the police
pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would arrested a mother superior, the
minister of finance, a washing
that be classed as income or a long-term
machine, and the Eiffel tower.
capital gain?”
BEST IDEA
HEARD IN A
LONG, LONG
TIME:
Members of
Congress should
be compelled to
wear uniforms
just like NASCAR
drivers so we
could identify
their corporate
sponsors.
A man
doesn’t
know what
hapiness is
until he’s
married.
By then it’s
too late.”
– Frank Sinatra
Landmark Title Corp. offers title insurance, escrow and closing services
for all of your real estate needs. With an attorney on staff Landmark Title
Corp. is able to provide preparation of all necessary legal documents.
Whether through a real estate professional or on your own, Landmark
Title Corp. looks forward to assisting you with your real estate
transactions in Iosco, Alcona and Ogemaw counties.
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www.SterlingPropertiesMI.com
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NEW LISTING Roomy home on 14
AcresLAND?
GOT
LAND?
GOT
of wooded hunting land, family room has
47+
ACRES
VERY
PRIVATE
47+
ACRES
VERY
a fireplace,
separate
living,
dining,PRIVATE
kitchen
HUNTERS PARADISE
PARADISE - - With
With
HUNTERS
and family
rooms,
firstoffloor
laundry,
fullPine,
good
stands
Oak,
Maple,
good
stands
of Oak,
Maple,
Pine,
basement, Birch
two
car
garage
and
chicken
coop.
Birch
and
Spruce,
3
hunting
blinds,
and Spruce, 3 hunting blinds,
about 11 mile
mile
from
Lake Huron
Huron
about
from
Lake
B of A Prequalification
letter
at 989-686-8500
$129,900
$129,900
required or proof of funds required on all
offers, $84,900
NEWLISTING
LISTING
10
ACRES
Newer
NEW
10
ACRES
Newer
NEW LISTING,
SUPER
REDONE
HOME,
addition,
remodeling
updating
addition,
remodeling
andand
updating
main house
has
hardwood
floors,
fireplace,
includeda alarge
largefamily
family
room
with
included
room
with
two bedrooms,
laundry/mud
room,
hot
water
basement,
kitchen,
children’s
a abasement,
kitchen,
2 2children’s
heat. One
bedroom
attached
rents for
$400/
rooms
used
bedrooms,
second
rooms
used
asasbedrooms,
second
fullshingled
bathand
and
more.
The
acre
mo. New
roof
in 2008,
update
full
bath
more.
The
10 10
acre
parcel
has
shed,
creek
pond.
electrical,
newer
appliances
in both
house
parcel
has
a ashed,
creek
andand
pond.
BuyerMUST
MUST
pre-approved
with
Buyer
bebe
pre-approved
and apartment.
This home
sits on twowith
lots,
proof,$129,900
$129,900
privacyproof,
fenced
in back yard with outdoor
fireplace and is by Lake Huron $109,900
LAKEHURON
HURONLISTING
LISTINGLOVLOVLAKE
Up North
joinsFOR
the over
INGLYBar
CARED
anditittruly
truly
INGLY
CARED
FOR and
shows
in
this
Lake
Huron
home
10,000 Acres
Lost
Lake
Woods
showsofinthe
this
Lake
Huron
home
with
a
sandy
beach
and
stunning
with for
a sandy
beachaudience.
and stunning
Association
a captive
views from
from
the living
living room
room &&
views
the
master
bedroom.
Thisisfood
isininmove
move
Complete
turn
key barThis
and
master
bedroom.
in
condition,
furnished
SOLD
in with
condition,
furnishedbath
SOLD
operation
newer
kitchen,
$179,900
$179,900
D
LD
SOL
rooms, roof, well, septic security
camera systems just $209,000
NEW LISTING
LISTING WATERWATERNEW
FRONT1919
ACRES
Emerald
FRONT
ACRES
onon
Emerald
Lake,a aprivate
privateinland
inland
lake
Lake,
lake
justjust
minutes
from
the
Tawas
area
minutes from the Tawas area
and
Lake
Huron,
1,580’
of
water
and Lake
Huron, 1,580’LISTING
of water
REDUCED
COMMERCIAL
frontage
and
several
building
sites
frontage
several
building
sites
Former
Sand and
Lake
Hardware
Store,
$249,000
$249,000
3830 sq.ft. includes the hardware
store area with shelving, display
NEW LISTING
LISTING 20
20 ACRES
ACRES
area,
NEW
ofofwarehouse, office and the one
wooded hunting
hunting land
landwith
witha abedroom
three
living area. Good area for
wooded
three
bedroom
cabin
and
garage/pole
bedroom cabin and garage/pole
a general/hardware
store with many
barn.
Cabin
has
a
full
bath,
FA
barn. Cabin has a full bath,homes
FA
heat system,
system, isisfurnished
furnishedcomplete
complete and cottages this inland lake
heat
area.
$51,900
with pots,
pots,pans
pansand
andofofcourse
coursea apool
pool
with
table! Buy now and be ready for
table!
Buy
now
and be ready for
CHEAP
updated
one$98,500
bedroom
hunting
season,
hunting season, $98,500
cabin, newer natural gas furnace,
NEW WATERFRONT LISTNEW
WATERFRONT
hot water tank and electric service,
ING Van
Etten Creek is LISTthe back
ING
Van Etten
Creek
the back1.5
boundary
of this
fourisbedroom,
kitchen/dining/living combo room
boundary
of this four
1.5
bath, tri-level,
twobedroom,
family rooms,
bath,
two family
rooms,
on two lots, about two blocks from
one tri-level,
with a natural
fireplace
and a
one
with
a
natural
fireplace
and
a
finished heated garage, $145,000
Lake Huron $15,900
finished heated garage, $145,000
commercial
REDONE, this four bedroom home
has been remodeled inside and
ENJOY the SUMMER with this
ENJOY
the SUMMER
withwith
this a
LAKE HURON
HOME
LAKE
HOME Home
with out
ais with new windows, shingles,
FantasticHURON
Sandy Beach!
Fantastic
Beach! Point
Homewith
ispump, furnace, hot water tank,
at the tipSandy
of AuSable
at
the tip of views.
AuSable
Point inside,
withand more. Detached garage is
phenomenal
Redone
phenomenal
views.
Redone
inside,28x40, has a half bath and the
two new baths,
laundry,
hardwood
two
new
baths,
laundry,
hardwood
floors, fireplace, completely tasteheater for the heated in ground
floors,
fireplace, completely
taste-in
fully furnished,
ready to move
fully
furnished,
ready
to move in swimming pool, $79,900
and enjoy!
NOW
$299,900
NEW LISTING 30 ACRES, Not
and enjoy!
NOW
$299,900
47+ ACRES
VERY
PRIVATE
NEW
LISTING
30 ACRES,
Not
a drive
by, the addition
and updates
a have
drive by,
the this
addition
andcozy
updates
made
a nice
three
HUNTERS PARADISE
have
made
this
a
nice
cozy
three
bedroom home with a gas fireplace
bedroom
home
with
a
gas
fireplace
in
the
family
room,
landscaped
With good stands of Oak, Maple,
inyard
the and
family
room, for
landscaped
two decks
outside enyard
and twoThe
decks
outside
enPine, Birch and Spruce, 3 hunting
joyment.
30 for
acres
is wooded,
joyment.
30 for
acresponds
is wooded,
has threeThe
areas
and sevhas
three
areas
for
ponds
and
sevblinds, about 1 mile from Lake
eral areas for hunting blinds, great
eral
areas with
for hunting
blinds,
hunting
lots of deer
andgreat
plenty
Huron
$129,900
with
lots of$132,000
deer and plenty
NEW
LISTING
Large steel frame hunting
of other
wildlife
NEW
LISTING
Large
steel
frame
of
other
wildlife
$132,000
7660 sq. ft. building currently a
7660
sq. ft.design
building
currently LAKE
a& FRONT 3 ACRES on Elbow
high-tech
engineering
high-tech
designcompany.
engineeringIndus& Lake, about 215 feet of sandy
manufacturing
manufacturing
company.
Industrial district, 1200 AMP Electric,
beach, over 3 acres on 41 acre all
trial
district,
AMP
Electric,
overhead
door1200
allows
a semi
right
sports lake. Driveway and electric
overhead
door
allows aloading
semi right
in the main
building,
dock
in
main building,
loading
dock
fortheforklift,
upper and
lower
ofin, home site and path to the lake
for
forklift,
upper1800
and sq
lower
offices,
a separate
ft cooler
are cleared, ready for you to start
fices,
a
separate
1800
sq
ft
cooler
room was formerly use by a bevroom
formerlycompany
use by aisbeverage was
distributing
veryyour lakefront home $37,900
erage
distributing
company is very
well insulated
$150,000
well insulated $150,000
REDUCED Lake Huron Lakefront
REDUCED
Lake
Huron
ready to use
right
now!Lakefront
Enjoy this
ready
use right now!
Enjoycottage
this
two tobedroom,
lakefront
LAKEFRONT LISTING Beautiful 100’
two
lakefront
cottage
withbedroom,
a fireplace,
that was
remodlake frontage on all sports Van Ettan
with
fireplace,
thatcarpet
was and
remodeled,a siding,
new
flooreled,
new
carpet
and 100x245
floorLake. Newly renovated home with 2
ing siding,
recently.
Has
a large
ing
recently.
a large
100x245
wooded
lot Has
across
the street.
Locatbedrooms and 1 bath plus 2 cabins
wooded
across
the street.
Located justlot
past
the Marina,
$169,900
for guests, the kids or rentals. Each
ed just past the Marina, $169,900
LAKEFRONT
CALLwith
US
FOR
cabin has 2 bedrooms
a bath.
ThisTHESE AND OUR OTHER
CALL US FOR
THESE
AND OUR OTHER
GREAT
LISTINGS
property is priced to sell at $149,900
GREAT LISTINGS
SUPERIOR CONDITION three bedroom brick ranch
home located on a paved road close to town with 1.5
acres for privacy. Spacious living room has a fireplace
with insert and a great view of the wooded backyard and
patio. Three bedrooms with the full bath having a private
entrance for the master bedroom, kitchen has plenty of
cupboards and the large utility room was also used as a
craft/family room has a wood heater. Low maintenance
brick exterior, ready for immediate occupancy, priced well
below True Cash Value, $109,000
ADJOINS the NATIONAL FOREST, make
this lovely property your year around home,
cottage or hunting camp. Two bedrooms, full
bath, vaulted ceilings, fireplace has insert,
tastefully decorated, very clean and tidy.
Has a garage and 5 acres, this is within 10
minutes of 7 all sports lakes, Tawas Bay &
Lake Huron $73,000
NEW PRICE, SUNRISE
SUPRISE, Lake Huron views
from this newer three bedroom,
2.75 bath 2600 sq.ft. home,
featuring a great room,
fireplace, library/music room,
spa, lakeside deck, 6 car work
shop with car lift and more,
REDUCED to $129,900
NEW LISTING This four bedroom
home has 1 1/2 baths, was redone
with a new roof, vinyl siding, new
drywall, flooring, doors and windows.
Is in East Tawas, has a garage, a
fenced garden area and is close to the
Lake, priced to sell at $69,900
call us for these and our other
great listings
“There are only two things a child will
share willingly – communicable diseases
and his mother’s age.”
– Benjamin Spock
Solution
from
page 26
the Good
life Press
Medium 6x6 (5)
SOLUTIONS
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Sudoku 6x6 - Solution 5 of 5 - Medium
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Computer
& computer
parts
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Complete Computer Systems as Low as $49.99
Keyboards $1.00 Standard $5.00
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Call Paul 989-340-090024AKA25
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23
Solution
from page 33
the Good life Press
Hard 12x12 (5)

27
Randy McKinney
National Rifle Association
Certified Instructor
Gift Certificates
CCW/CPL Classes
989-739-5937
Oscoda, MI 48750
28
I thought one good thing about getting older would
be
29 having more patience. Now30that I’m there, it’s not
about patience...I just don’t give a hoot anymore.
31
Answer to Crossword
1
7
989-724-5599
l
2
3
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11
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4
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a
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Clean ccept Dry
ing
Bay D for Tawas
ry Cle
aners
Sudoku 12x12 - Solution 5 of 5 - Hard
17
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7
the Good life Press
Samurai - Puzzle 5 of 5 - Medium
Y
22
s
25
7
5
Solution from page 6
Samurai Medium (5)
10
V
c
23
M
r a
15
4
B o r
12
s
M e
20
from page 18
c
8
26
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r a P i D
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989-736-6895
989-736-8138Dave please note last month I changed the prize to $10.00 May’s prize is only $10.00 Y
D
31
f
l
Nine ads to place Mom (Tim)
(Shawn)
209 S. State, Oscoda, MI 48750
1.
(989) 739-5000 2.
* FREE Hoist Check 3.
* FREE Road Test
* All Trucks/4x4s
* American–Foreign
4.
* Automatic–Manual
* Motor Homes
5.
* Axles, Clutches & Flywheels
6.
COMPLETE AUTOMOTIVE SERVICE AND REPAIR
7.
8.
9.
(M. I. Thrifty)
Come to our “Fill a Bag for
$4.00” Back Door Yard Sale!
Friday, May 18th 10 AM to 6 PM
Saturday, May 19th 10 AM to 6 PM
Re-Purposed, Collectibles & More
Hours 10:00AM to 6:00PM Mon. - Sat.
11:00AM to 5:00PM Sunday
We Buy, Sell and Trade
989-255-1384
Retro Steve & AlpenaJimmy
2579B US Hwy 23 South, Alpena
Across
ANSWERS TO
“GUESS
THE MOVIE
1. Elegance
QUOTES”
Alpena Agency
7. Express
mirth
from page 24
(Cross Roads Gloe page) 8. Toil
Century 21 a/c p 1. Indian Jones and The Last Crusade (1989)
11. Forest
Star Staffing a/c p
2. Pet Sematary
(1989)
Jack’s Landing h/c p 12.
Talk
irrationally
3. The
Last Picture
Show (1971)
ABC homes color ad 1/4p 13.4. The
Union
general
Matrix Reloaded
(2003)
Alpena Mall (Senior Page) 5.14.
CloseLong
Encounters
of the Third Kind
(1977)
Island
town
McWilliams
6.
Michael
(1996)
Look Insurance
15. Back
part of the foot
17. Untidy
19. Anger
23. Nimble
Confession
It was about a month ago when
a man in Amsterdam felt that he
needed to confess, so went to his
priest: “Forgive me Father, for I
have sinned. During WWII I hid
a refugee in my attic.”
“Well,” answered the priest,
“that’s not a sin.”
“But I made him agree to
pay me 20 Gulden for every
week he stayed.”
“I admit that wasn’t good, but
you did it for a good cause.”
“Oh, thank you, Father; that
eases my mind. I have one more
question...”
“What is that, my son?”
“Do I have to tell him the war is
over?”
a
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My idea of a
Super Bowl is a
toilet that cleans
itself.
H
Win $10.00
$10.00
Win
Certificate! GiftGift
Certificate!
Congratulations to, April’s winner Barb Chojnacki of the May Flower Contest. Thank you to all that entered! This month your adventure is to find 9 (nine) Moms If you are the winner you have bragging rights. Mothers Day! Thanks Mom ! You can win our May prize of a $10.00 gift Certificate to Reylie’s Café in the Mall. Nothing to buy just play the game and find the 9 Moms hidden throughout “THE GOOD LIFE” Mail your answers to Alpenajimmy 6733 Lappan Rd.
Alpena, MI 49707 or you can email a list to
jimmyalpena@gmail.com. This is what we need the
Name of the ad you found our hidden object in and the
page you found the ad on. Also include where you
picked up your copy of “The Good Life Press” Then
include your name, address, phone #, and email so we
can contact you if you win. Only one entry per person.
The Mom picture above is for information and does not
count. In case of a tie we will draw a name from the
correct entries.
ENJOY THE GOOD LIFE!
All entries must be received by May 18, 2012
Share the Love and tell our advertisers you saw them
in “The Good Life” The Good Life - may 2012 • 55
MOBILE HOME SALES AND PARTS
All Homes Open
Dawn til Dusk!
4220 U.S. Hwy 23 S.
Alpena, MI 49707
Don’t believe everything
you think.
Rentals Available in Alpena, Vanderbilt
and Surrounding Areas (call for details)
Fast Crossword Solution
from page 20
A man spoke frantically into the
phone: “My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes
apart!”
“Is this her first child?” the doctor
asked.
“No!” the man shouted, “This is her
husband!”
A picture is
worth a
thousand
words, but it
uses up three
thousand
times the hard
drive space.
The old farmer had a large
pond in the back, fixed up
nicely with picnic tables, a
barbecue pit, horseshoe
courts, and some apple and
peach trees. The pond was
properly shaped and fixed
up for swimming when it
was built.
One evening, the old guy
decided to go down to the
pond and look it over. He
hadn’t been there for a
while. He grabbed a five
gallon bucket to bring back
some fruit
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Fax
989-356-3845
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5540 US 23 North
Alpena, MI 49707
Owners
Andy Carpenter & Jeff Piper
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In a hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, patients always
died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about
11:00 AM regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it
had
something to do with the supernatural. No one could
solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred
around 11:00 am Sunday, so a worldwide team of
experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the
incidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before
11:00 am. all the doctors and nurses nervously
waited outside the ward to see for themselves wha’t
the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were
holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other
holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.
Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson,
the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and
unplugged the life support system so he could use the
vacuum cleaner.
As he neared the pond, he
heard voices shouting and
laughing with glee. As he
came closer, he saw it was
a bunch of young women
skinny dipping in his pond.
As he approached, he made
the women aware of his
presence.
A herd of buffalo can only move as
fast as the slowest buffalo. And when
the herd is hunted, it is the slowest
and weakest ones at the back that
are killed first. This natural selection is At once, they all went to
good for the herd as a whole, because the deep end. One of the
women shouted to him,
the general speed and health of the whole group
‘We’re not coming out
keeps improving by the regular killing of the
until you leave!’
weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can
The old man frowned, ‘I did
not come down here to
only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
watch you young ladies
Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills
swim,
or to make you get
brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest
out of the pond.’
and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular
consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain
Holding up the bucket, he
cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient said, ‘I’m here to feed the
machine.
alligator.’
And that is why you always feel smarter after a
Moral of the story: Old can
few beers.
(Which would sound plausible after a few beers...)
Andy’s Auto Service Center LLC
still think fast!
Ne
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The Good Life Press, P.O. Box 92, Lincoln, MI 48742
feB12
MAR10
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Dan Gross, Licensed and Insured Builder
(989) 736-6595

Alpena Recycling Center LLC

Transcription

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