NORTHERN ACCENTS

Transcription

NORTHERN ACCENTS

Come to Northeast Michigan and Enjoy...
FREE!
The Good Life
Published by The Good Life Press
Vol. 2, Issue 7 • JULY 2008
LINCOLN TRUCK CO.
“Brand Spankin’ Used”
100 Main St, Lincoln 48742
(989) 736-7600
Editor: I. M. Free
Also Available:
2003 GMC Sierra SLE - 4WD, short
box. Only 50k mi. Loaded. $13,976
2003 Ford F-150 - 4WD, Fx4 package,
only 55k mi. $13,976
Two dumb guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all
the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading
suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in
the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!
A talk show host received an email from
an Irish countryman wondering what all
the hoop-la in the USA was about over the
coming election. A summary is below:
The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch
anything. The same thing happens on the second
day, and on the third day. It goes on like this
until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one
of the men catches a fish.
“We here in Ireland don’t understand the
big deal around selection of a President for
your country. On one hand you have two
people running from the same party. One is
a male lawyer, married to a female lawyer.
The other is a female lawyer married to a
male lawyer. On the other hand, for the other
party, you have a war hero who is married
to an attractive woman who owns
a beer distributorship. Easy call in
our view”
As they’re driving home they’re really depressed.
One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you
realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us
fifteen hundred bucks?”
The other guy says, “Wow! Then
it’s a good thing we didn’t catch
any more!”
Computer Trouble
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called
Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom
looks like Mission Control and asked him to come
over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the
problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, ‘So, what
was wrong?’
He replied, ‘It was an ID ten T error.’
I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless
inquired, ‘An, ID ten T error? What’s that? In case I
need to fix it again.’
Eric grinned.... ‘Haven’t you ever
heard of an ID ten T error before?’
‘No,’ I replied. ‘Write it down,’ he
said, ‘and I think you’ll figure it out.’
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T
I used to like Eric...
If you haven’t
grown up by
age 50...you
don’t have to.
NORTHERN ACCENTS
LOG furniture • upholstered furniture • lamps
framed PRINTS • motion clocks • many gift ideas
Open Daily Year ‘Round
Mon. - Sat. 9:30 - 5:00 • Sun. 11-4
989-724-5404
211 S. State (US‑23), Harrisville
12 MONTHS NO PAYMENT NO INTEREST
TO QUALIFIED BUYERS
Real
Classified Ads
Highlights for Summer
Manicures • Spa Pedicures • Color
Family Hair Care • Waxing
Natural & Artificial Nail Care
Full-Service Salon • Walk-ins Welcome
“Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.”
-- Mark Twain
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER .
8-years old. Hateful little bugger.
Bites!
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky
neighbor’s dog.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat. Been out a while.
Better be a big reward.
NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.
106 N. 3rd Ave • Downtown Alpena • 989.356.2656
2006 GMC Envoy SLT - 4WD. Only
37k mi. Loaded, beautiful. $15,976
‘08 Chevy Cobalt LS, 4-door. 4.5k miles. $12,976
‘05 Chevy Silverado, short box, 2WD. 46k miles
‘04 Jeep Liberty Renegade 4x4, 87k $12,476
‘02 GMC Envoy, 4WD, loaded. 65k miles.
‘02 Trailblazer LTZ, 4WD. $11,476
‘01 Chevy Crew Cab 4x4. 96k miles. 1 Owner.
‘01 Dodge Durango SLT. 79k miles. 1 Owner.
‘00 Ford F-150, ext. cab Sportside, 4WD. $8,976
5 GMC Envoys in stock - SAVE THOUSANDS!
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia
Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent
condition.
$1,000 or best offer. No longer
needed, Got married last month.
Wife knows everything.
Thick, Tough + Rubbery
That Means
Truckbed Protection
plus! Cargo Protection
Available Now at
Cutting Edge Collision Specialist LLC
“Technology for Today’s Vehicles”
Collision Repair and Custom Paint for Cars, Trucks,
Boats and Motorcycles
989-354-6609
3858 M32 West, Alpena, MI 49707
n
Tell Our Advertisers You Saw Them in the good life!!!
The Good Life - JULY 2008
COMMUNITY EVENTS
OSCODA’S FUN PLACE TO SHOP!
We’ve Doubled
in Size
Check Out Our
New Back Room!
Compare Our Prices
with Everyone Else
& You’ll Shop Here!
Open 7 Days a Week
10 til 7
(989) 739-5230
July 18-27, Alpena’s Small Boat
Harbor. For more information
please call: Cody (989) 2555397, Rich (989) 255-6036,
Maggie (989) 255-3143
32nd annual thunder
bay arts council’s
art on the bay
111 S. Lake St.
Just off US‑23 & Mill St.
Oscoda
Books...a nice change from reading a
prescription label.
KRIS MART
The One Stop Store
Groceries • Produce • Meat • Video • Gas • Beer & Wine • Liquor • Lotto
Deli Sandwiches • Pizza to Go • Daily Hot Lunch Specials
Deli Meats & Cheeses • Fresh Cold Salads • Rotisserie & Fried Chicken
From our Meat
Department
Seasoned Sirloin Patties $2.89 / lb. - bacon, onion, etc.
Ground Chuck Family Packs $1.89 / lb.
863 N. Barlow, Lincoln, MI
Phone (989) 736-8027
HOURS: Mon - Thurs, 6:30am - 10pm
Fri/Sat 6:30am - 11pm, Sun 8am - 10pm
laRRY'S
PaRTS HaUS
(Corner of US-23 and Nicholson Hill Road)
Ossineke, 989-471-2911 • 888-471-2911
Open Monday thru Friday, 8 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Saturday 9 a.m. to 3 p.m.
See your local Car Quest store for a
Owners Carl & Pat Boyd
complete selection of Agricultural
& Heavy Equipment Batteries
HUNTING,
RV
and Filters - Get your equipment
FISHING,
PARTS &
SERVICE ready for cold weather. ORV
LICENSES
WE MAKE
6 & 12 VOLT
CRAWLERS
HYDRAULIC
BATTERIES
HOSES,
(MOST
STYLES)
Thurs-Mon
9-5, Closed Tues/Wed
• 2520 M‑65
- Glennie
MACHINE
FOR FARM &
DRUMS
INDUSTRIAL
4262 River Road
AND
ROTORS
EQUIPMENT
NORTHERN
Oscoda,
MI 48750
LP GAS
(989) 739-4382
Fax: (989) 739-3849
Mon-Fri 8am-5pm
Sat 8am-Noon
34th annual
michigan brown
trout festival
TRUCK
AND AUTO
REPAIR
Stop by Our New
Web Site
You can download the latest issue of
The Good Life in PDF format!
AND COMING SOON:
Order special Good Life merchandise!
www.thegoodlifepress.com
July 19-20 at Bay View Park,
Alpena. Contact Thunder Bay
Arts Council Gallery / Office
E-Mail: tbarts@freeway.net
Phone: (989) 356-6678
134th annual alpena
county fair
July 27 - August 3 at Alpena
County Fairgrounds. For more
info, call 989-356-1847.
23rd annual ramblin’
rods car show
August 8-9 at Mich-E-Kewis
Park, Alpena. Contact Vic
or Sonny
E-Mail: gjreed@charter.net
Phone: (989) 356-9233 /
(989) 657-1581
IOSCO COUNTY FAIR
July 21-26 at the Iosco County
Fairgrounds, Hale. For more
info, email:
info@ioscocountyfair.com
61st Weyerhaeuser
AUSABLE RIVER CANOE
MARATHON
July 26-27
www.ausablecanoemarathon.org
SUNRISE SIDE WINE AND
FOOD FESTIVAL
July 19, noon to 6pm at
Harrisville Harbor. For more
info, call 989-724-7473.
Last night, my
friend and I were
sitting in the living
room and I said
to her, ‘I never
want to live in a
vegetative state,
dependent on some
machine and fluids
from a bottle. If
that ever happens,
just pull the plug.’
She got up,
unplugged the
Computer, and
threw out my wine.
Relay for Life Alcona
July 26th-27th, 10am at Alcona
High School Track.
Games for Kids and adults
Open Mic 9:30-Midnight
sponsored by: Alcona Youth
Movement
For more info or to sign-up, call
Tamara at 989-724-5617
FREE Youth Group
Pizza Party
July 18th 6:30-8:30pm at Solid
Rock Church of God.
Call 736-8312 to RSVP
DIRT, INC. RACES
Lincoln. July 19: Sat. race.
Aug 23: Sat. race - Alcona Fair.
Sept. 21: Sun. race. Race starts
at 11am. For more info, call
989-736-8379
Northeast Michigan Branch of
the QDMA
4th ANNUAL FOOD PLOT &
HABITAT DAY
August 9, 8:00am-3:00pm at Chuck
Timm Farms, 6690 Nicholson Hill
Rd, Hubbard Lake. Demonstrations
& seminars. Call Jeff Brown:
989-471-2038 or Lowell Kollien at
989-727-8035.
sunrise side wine &
food festival
July 19, 12:00-6:00pm at
Harrisville Harbor.
Call 989-724-5107
www.huronshoreschamber.com
FRIDAY NIGHTS
DOWNTOWN ALPENA
July 11, 18 & 25.
2nd Avenue, downtown.
Live entertainment, food,
games, fun for the whole family!
For more information, call
(989) 356-6422
Submit Your Group’s
Events to The Good Life
Community Calendar!
See below for contact info...
13th ANNUAL
COLLECTIBLES &
ANTIQUE SHOW
July 12-13. Under the big
tent at the Harrisville Harbor.
Admission: $2.00
HARBOR LIGHTS
DANCE
July 18, 7:00-11:00pm,
Harrisville
50/50 Silent auction.
Adults $5, 12 & under FREE
YANKEE AIR FORCE
12th Annual Fly-In/
Pancake Breakfast
July 20th, 7:00am
10th Annual Golf Outing
August 15th at Springport Hills
Golf Course, Harrisville. Tee-off
time is 1:00pm. $75 entrance
fee incl. green fee, golf cart,
door prizes and dinner.
The Wurtsmith Air Museum
is open Fri, Sat & Sun from
11:00am to 3:00pm.
www.wurtsmith-yaf-museum.org
HEAD START TO HIGH SCHOOL
ART FOR THE RED, WHITE & BLUE
View artwork by Alcona
students honoring our brave
military. On a rotating, traveling
display in Alcona County
Libraries (Harrisville, Lincoln,
Mikado and Hubbard Lake)
June 2nd thru August 25th.
TAWAS BAY PLAYERS:
“FOREVER PLAID”
July 11, 12, 13, 17, 18, 19, 20
7:00pm showtime. $10.00.
www.tawasbayplayers.com
FARMERS’ MARKET
Wednesday’s: 10am - 2pm,
AuSable Shoreline Park, Oscoda,
at the river on US-23.
Saturday’s: 8am - 1pm, Gateway
Park, at the river on US-23 in
Tawas City.
locally grown produce, artisan
baked goods, foods and floral.
For more info: 989-362-8688
SUBSCRIBE
for Just $24.00 a Year!!!
Name________________________________
Street Address_________________________
City______________ State___ ZIP_______
DON’T MISS A SINGLE JOKE!
Fill out the form above and enclose your check or money order for
$24.00 to get 12 monthly issues delivered right to your door.
Send form and payment to:
The Good Life Press, P.O. Box 92, Lincoln, MI 48742
Publisher and Editor-at-Large: Chris Rayburn
The Good Life Press
P.O. Box 92, Lincoln, MI 48742
989-335-4200 • NEW Cell: 989-335-3642
www.thegoodlifepress.com • e-mail: info@thegoodlifepress.com
Joke contributions are always welcome! Send jokes and other funny
stuff to the address above or email.
We also invite non-profit organizations to send event information for our
community calendar for dates from August 15th through September.
Although we strive for accuracy, neither The Good Life Press nor its advertisers or other associates
offer any warranty as to the accuracy of any information presented in The Good Life. Neither The Good
Life Press nor its advertisers or other associates will assume any liability for typographical mistakes,
misprinted information, or other errors.
advertise your business in the good life! Call 989.335.4200
Sometimes Kids Have More
Show ‘em You Mean Business
If you’ve ever worked for a boss who
reacts before getting the facts and thinking
things through, you’ll love this...
A large company, feeling it was time for
a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss
was determined to rid the company of all
slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO
noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room
was full of employees, so he wanted to let
them all know he meant business.
He walked up to the guy leaning against
the wall and asked, “How much money do
you make a week?”
A little surprised, the young man looked
at him and replied, “I make $400 a week.”
The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in
cash and said, “Here’s 4 weeks’ pay, now
GET OUT and don’t come back.”
Feeling pretty good about himself the
CEO looked around the room and asked,
“Does anyone want to tell me what that
goof-ball did around here?”
From across the room a voice said,
“Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”
Never test the depth of the water
with both feet.
If you lend someone $20 and
never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.
If you think nobody cares if you’re
alive, try missing a couple of car
payments.
Common Sense Than Politicians
I’m reminded of the time that Catherine a little girl in our neighborhood - told me that
she wanted to be President one day.
Both of her parents were standing there
with us - and I asked Catherine - “If you were
President what would be the first thing you
would do?”
Catherine replied - “I would give houses
to all the homeless people...”
“Wow - what a worthy goal you have there
Catherine.” I told her (while both parents
beamed), “But, you don’t have to wait until
you’re President to do that. You can come
over to my house and clean up all the dog
poop in the back yard and I will pay you five
dollars . Then we can go over to the grocery
store where the homeless guy hangs out,
and you can give him the five dollars to save
toward a new house.”
Catherine (who was about 6) thought that
over for a second, and then replied, “Why
doesn’t the homeless guy come over and
clean up the dog poop himself, and you can
pay him the five dollars.”
Too bad Catherine isn’t on the ballot.
With all the sadness and trauma going on in
the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting
on the death of a very important person, which
almost went unnoticed. Larry LaPrise, the man
that wrote “The Hokey-Pokey” died peacefully
at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his
family was getting him into the coffin. They put
his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
When the
price of
gas hits $5
a gallon,
it should
come
with car
insurance.
Take your mouse for a
Wild Ride.
$49
95
MO
AND INCLUDE:
FAST DOWNLOAD/UPLOAD SPEED
FREE STANDARD INSTALLATION
AT LEAST 5 EMAIL ADDRESSES
24/7 TECHNICAL SUPPORT
PLUS MORE
(989) 471-2552
PROTRONICS
With DISH Network, you’ll also get:
THE
BEST
SPORTS AND MOVIES
IN HD!
BETTER
THAN
TIVO
®
CNET (cnet.com review on 2/19/08)
BEST HD DVR
3 MONTHS
UPGRADE
PROGRAMMING
FREE FREE
$5.98/mo DVR Service Fee applies.
with commitment
11904 U.S. 23 South • Ossineke
Call Toll Free for Details 1-877-686-4993
www.4protronics.com
*Depending on plan selected.
TAWAS INDIAN GIFT SHOP
1702 S. US‑23, Tawas City, MI 48763 • 989-362-5885
CARDS • JEWELRY • MOCCASINS • POTTERY
Owner: Pam Parkin • Hours: 11am - 5:30pm
Blue Moon Gallery
The East Tawas Experience
229 Newman St. • East Tawas
(989) 362-9069
Unusual and Unique Gifts
Incense • Gemstones • Rocks
Original Artwork
Belly Dancing Attire • Tarot Cards & Supplies
The Only Video Store on US‑23 Between Oscoda & Alpena
Harbor Video
& Tanning
$35 for 10 Tanning Visits
USED DVD’s $5.00 EACH
Sun-Thur Noon to 8pm • Fri/Sat Noon to 9pm
100 N. State St. • Harrisville, MI
Phone (989) 724-5577
Home of
RM Sounds
DJ Service
739-7911
When You Need Repair, Call the
Only 911 Number that Matters!
“Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the
morning, Satan shudders & says...’Oh no....she’s awake!!’”
High-speed Internet powered by WildBlue requires 18-month commitment to minimum Internet package. If qualifying service is terminated prior to end of 18-month period, a cancellation fee equal to $25.00 per cancelled month of service will apply. Equipment must be returned to DISH Network upon termination of qualifying service (modem and TRIA). After 18-month period, customer may need to call to cancel anti-virus protection or then-current price will apply. Data usage may be restricted based on Fair Access Policy; visit www.dishmail.net/legal for details. Offer subject to change without notice. Service
available in the continental United States only. Local and state sales taxes may apply.
RETAIL1697
3 Months Free offer: requires participation in Digital Home Advantage with 24-month commitment and qualifying programming, including America’s Top 100 or higher, DishLATINO or higher, dishHD package or a select qualifying International package. Customer receives three credits of $39.99 each, applied
to the first, tenth and twentieth months of service. Customer must maintain qualifying programming service to receive all three credits. Digital Home Advantage: Requires 24-month qualifying programming purchase, Social Security Number, valid major credit card and credit approval. If qualifying service is
terminated prior to end of 24-month period, a cancellation fee equal to the lesser of $240 or $10 per cancelled month of service will apply. Equipment must be returned to DISH Network upon termination of qualifying service. Limit 4 tuners per account. Monthly package price includes an equipment rental fee
of $5.00 or $7.00 for first receiver, based on selected model. A monthly equipment rental fee of $5.00 or $7.00 will be charged for each receiver beyond the first, based on selected model. A $5.00/mo. additional outlet programming access fee applies for each dual-tuner receiver; fee will be waived monthly
for each such receiver continuously connected to Customer’s phone line. HD programming requires HD receiver and HD television (sold separately). Customer must subscribe to qualifying HD programming or a $7.00/mo. HD Enabling fee will apply. Lease upgrade fee may apply for select receivers (based
on model).
Offer ends 7/31/08 and is available in the continental United States for new, first-time DISH Network residential customers. All prices, packages and programming subject to change without notice. Local and state sales taxes may apply. Where applicable, equipment rental fees and programming are taxed separately. All
DISH Network programming, and any other services that are provided, are subject to the terms and conditions of the promotional agreement and Residential Customer Agreement, available at www.dishnetwork.com or upon request. Local channels packages by satellite are only available to customers who reside in the
specified local Designated Market Area (DMA). Local channels may require an additional dish antenna from DISH Network, installed free of any charges with subscription to local channels at time of initial installation. Social Security Numbers are used to obtain credit scores and will not be released to third parties except
for verification and collection purposes only or if required by governmental authorities. All service marks and trademarks belong to their respective owners.
n
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From
morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining
about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out
plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the
field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and
began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again.
Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule
lashed out with both hind feet and caught her smack in the back of the
head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather
odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would
listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man
mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his
head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask
the old farmer about it.So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the
old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the
women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said, “Well, the women would come up and say
something about how nice my wife looked,
or how pretty her dress was, so I’d nod my
head in agreement.”
“And what about the men?” the minister
asked.
”They wanted to know if the mule was for
sale.”
Tired of dial-up?
Get High-Speed Internet powered by WildBlue!
PLANS START AT
– Anna Ruth
n
Hickory Dickory Dock Co.
* Roll-In Boat Docks * Cedar Top
* Ells * Tees * Platforms
* Ladders & Benches
Hardee
Har Har!
Police were called to a day care
where a 3-yr-old was resisting a
rest.
* Did you hear about the guy
whose whole left side was cut off?
He’s all right now.
* The roundest knight at King
Arthur’s round table was Sir
Cumference.
* To write with a broken pencil is
pointless.
13775 Hubbard Lake Rd. • Hubbard Lake, MI
(989) 727-3168
* When fish are in schools, they
sometimes take debate.
www.hickorydickorydocks.com
* The short fortune teller who
escaped from prison was a small
medium at large.
Visit us on the web at
Any woman can have the body of a
21-year-old...as long as she buys
him several drinks first.
Come See Dave, formerly of Mobile Marine Service,
welcoming you to the all new...
HAWG’S
Bait, Tackle & Marine
OUR
BAIT IS
GUARANTEED TO
CATCH FISH
OR DIE
TRYING!!
LIVE NUDE
SWIMMERS
Get Your Shiner Minnows Here!
Live Bait & Tackle a Boat Repair
Oils & Lubricants
We Service All Makes
* A thief who stole a calendar got
12 months.
* A thief fell & broke his leg in wet
cement. He became a hardened
criminal.
* When the smog lifts in Los
Angeles, U.C.L.A.
* The dead batteries were given
out free of charge.
* A dentist & a manicurist fought
tooth and nail.
* A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is
two tired.
* A will is a dead giveaway.
* Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies
like a banana.
Stop In For a Current Area Fishing Report
* A backward poet writes inverse.
Open 7 Days
Mon-Thur 6am-7pm, Fri-Sat 5:30am-9pm
* In a democracy it’s your vote
that counts; in feudalism, it’s your
Count that votes.
617 West Bay (US‑23), East Tawas
(989) 984-0177
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area.
Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse
named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull,
Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move.
Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy didn’t
respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Coco , pull!” Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull!” And the
horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked
the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three
times.
The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was
the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”
B&D Sales
Golf Carts
Accessories – Lift Kits,
Boxes, etc.
Parts & Service
All Makes
Mon-Fri 9-5;
Sat 9-1
366 S. US-23, Harrisville
989-724-6212
U-Haul Authorized Dealer
Truck Sales
Truck & Trailer Rentals
Plus Moving
Supplies
Mon-Fri 9-5;
Sat 9-1
VISA & MASTERCARD ACCEPTED
Whispers
HOT SUMMER NIGHTS SALE
25% Off Entire Inventory of Adult
Products All Month Long
111 River Street
(989) 358-2045 Alpena, Michigan
49707
Hours: Noon-10pm, Mon thru Sat.
* A chicken crossing the road:
poultry in motion.
* If you don’t pay your exorcist
you can get repossessed.
* Show me a piano falling down
a mine shaft & I’ll show you A-flat
miner.
* The guy who fell onto an
upholstery machine was fully
recovered.
* A grenade fell onto a kitchen
floor in France , resulted in
LinoleumBlownapart.
* You are stuck with your debt if
you can’t budge it.
* A calendar’s days are numbered.
* A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint
yours, and ‘taint mine.
* A boiled egg is hard to beat.
* He had a photographic memory
which was never developed.
* Those who get too big for their
britches will be exposed in the
end.
* When you’ve seen one shopping
center, you’ve seen a mall.
* When she saw her first strands
of gray hair, she thought she’d
dye.
* Bakers trade bread recipes on a
knead to know basis.
* Santa’s helpers are subordinate
clauses.
WOODMAN SIDING COMPANY
• Vinyl Windows Spring Special •
VINYL REPLACEMENT WINDOWS - Vinyl Siding - Trim - Gutters
Free Estimates - Senior Citizen Discount
JOHN WOODMAN, Owner
30 YEARS EXPERIENCE
HILLMAN,
MI 49746
WOODMAN
(989)COMPANY
742-2600
SIDING
•Vinyl Windows Spring Special•
VINYL REPLACEMENT WINDOWS
Vinyl Siding - Trim - Gutters
Free Estimates - Senior Citizen Discount
JOHN WOODMAN, Owner
35 YEARS EXPERIENCE
You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where...
HILLMAN, MI 49746
(989) 742-2600
1. You are willing to park three blocks away because you
found shade.
2. You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot
water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never
leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in
the face when you open your oven door.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot and ARE
YOU KIDDING ME??!!
You can live in California where
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a
house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your
driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood
block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell
them how long it will take to get there rather than how many
miles away it is.
6. The four seasons are: fire, flood, mud and drought.
You can live in New York City where ...
1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean
Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get
from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin
on a map.
3. You think Central Park is “nature.”
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own
language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You’ve worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression
You can live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and
Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight
buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter and
construction.
You can live in the Deep South where ...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
3. “He needed killin’” is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary
Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
You can live in Colorado where ...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home
and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can live in the Midwest where ...
1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows
your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same
day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat
at?”
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you
say, “It was different!”
AND
You can live in Florida where ...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind ... even
houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
Real
Product
Labels
Len & Layne’s Little Store
& Side Door Bait & Tackle
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom) -‘Do not turn upside down.’
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
At the south end of Hubbard Lake
On Sainsbury’s peanuts -‘Warning: contains nuts.’
(talk about a news flash)
On Boot’s Children Cough
Medicine -‘Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking
this medication.’
(We could do a lot to reduce
the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get
those 5 year-olds with headcolds off those bulldozers.)
On Marks &Spencer Bread
Pudding -‘Product will be hot after
heating.’
(...and you thought????...)
On a Sears hairdryer -Do not use while sleeping.
(That’s the only time I
have to work on my hair.)
All DNR Licenses • Groceries
Beer • Wine • Liquor • Lotto
3585 Woodlawn • Spruce, MI 48762
989-736-6418 • lenlaynes@chartermi.net
Never Question a Drunk
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected
a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange
juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and
a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to
check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed
the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the
drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.” I was a bit
startled by this proclamation, but Iwas intrigued by the
derelict’s intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the
six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual
about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to
my marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: “Well, you know
what, you’re right. But how did you know that?”
The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”
ABBOTT EXCAVATING
“We Move The Earth!”
On some Swanson frozen
dinners -‘Serving suggestion: Defrost.’
(but, it’s just a suggestion.)
On packaging for a Rowenta
iron -‘Do not iron clothes on body.’
(but wouldn’t this save me
time?)
On Nytol Sleep Aid -‘Warning: May cause
drowsiness.’
(..I’m taking this because???)
On most brands of
Christmas lights -‘For indoor or outdoor use
only.’
(as opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food
processor -‘Not to be used for the other
use.’
(now, somebody out there,
help me on this. I’m a bit
curious.)
On a child’s Superman
costume -‘Wearing of this garment does
not enable you to fly.’
(I don’t blame the company.
I blame the parents for this
one.)
n
S & D Variety
Your SUMMER Party Headquarters!
With a Small Deposit and Two Weeks Notice,
We Can Order it All for You!
Regular Hours: Monday thru Saturday 9-5
210 S. Second, Lincoln, Michigan 48742
Now Offering Dry Cleaning Service Drop-off
M & S Antique Center
210 S. Second Street, Lincoln
Come and Experience
a Glimpse of the Past
Something for Everyone! We Will Take Consignments
Monday - Saturday 9-5, Sunday by Appointment
We May Have That Special Gift for the One Who Has Everything
NEDO’S FARM MARKET
& DRIVING RANGE
Watch for Fresh Michigan Produce!
$4...Bucket of 50 • $6...Bucket of 100
4686 F-41, Mikado, MI 48745
Summer
Your Full Service Market
Beer
Specializing in * Fresh Produce
Specials
Convenience Foods * Hardware * Beer * Wine
Liquor * Lotto * Pet Supplies * Wildlife Feed
Sun-Thur 9am-10pm • Fri/Sat 9am-11pm
We Accept Visa &
Master Card
Phone/Fax
(989) 736-6649
Wayne & Marta Nedo
proprietors
A&S
On a bag of Fritos -You could be a winner! No
purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap -‘Directions: Use like regular
soap.’
(and that would be???....)
STARTER CO.
•
•
•
•
•
•
COMMERCIAL & RESIDENTIAL
Septic Systems
Basements
Driveways
Demolition
Road Building
Site Development
•
•
•
•
•
Tree & Stump Removal
Fill Sand & Gravel
Topsoil
Land Clearing
FREE ESTIMATES
989-727-2340 • 1-800-717-5069
www.abbottexcavating.com
A long time ago, in a
place far away, there
lived a woman who
did not whine, nag, or
complain.
But it was a long time
ago, and it was just that
one day.
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive
woman waving at him.
She says “Hello.” He’s rather taken aback because he
can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, “Do you know me?”
To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of
my kids.”
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever
been unfaithful to his wife and says,
“Oh yeah! You’re the stripper from the bachelor party
that I had with all my buddies
watching while your partner stole my
wallet.”
She looks into his eyes and calmly
says, “No.....I’m your son’s teacher.”
ALTERNATORS - STARTERS - GENERATORS
SPECIALIZING IN FARM - INDUSTRIAL - MARINE
FOREIGN CAR - TRUCK & PASSENGER CARS
415 NO. US-23 • OMER, MI 48749
Ph: (989) 653-2750
To get something you never had,
you have to do something you
never did.
BRIAN ANKNER
Custom
ReUpholstery
All Work Done in Smoke
Free Shop!
201 S. Second St.
1-989-736-7467
“Long as I gots me a piece o’ plywood to
float my old lady and my booze, I’m good.”
n
JUST THE PLACE YOU HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR!
This very affordable property offers amenities plus. Three
bedroom home with fireplace(Heat & Glo), new furnace
and well, additional updates, 2 car garage w/insulated
workshop, new 3 car (30’ x 40’) garage offering 200 amp
service, cement flooring, vinyl siding and more.... Property
parcel offering 175’ of frontage. Just steps away is a private
access to Cedar Lake! Enjoy year round activities! Call for
complete details. $72,500 #088-08-0036
“UP NORTH” spacious home offering DEEDED LAKE HURON
ACCESS. Enjoy year round living or use as a summer retreat.
Updates include windows, doors, roof, siding, fireplace,
tile/carpet flooring plus knotty pine interior. Lovely enclosed
sunroom. Excellent location off US23 in a private area. Two
deep, wooded lots. Walk to Lake Huron and enjoy the private,
deeded sandy beach lot.....swimming, boating and gorgeous
views. Call for complete details. $92,900 #088-08-0022
2 bedroom, 1 bath, 1 story with piers. Move right into a
lovely home in the AuSable Campground. Appliances:
range, refrigerator. $68,000 #088‑08‑0029
Priced to sell.......Only $69,900! Nice 3 bedroom ranch
home located in beautiful Lakewood Shores. Features
include appliances, hardwood flooring, doorwalls to deck
area and a nicely wooded lot. Great location.....within
walking distance to Lake Huron and Cedar Lake. Enjoy the
amenities offered by owning property in Lakewood Shores.
Dining, boating, swimming, tennis, golfing plus private
sandy beaches on Cedar Lake and Lake Huron. Call for
complete details. $69,900 #088-08-0014
Lovely 3 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath, attached garage, full basement
partially finished with daylight windows and bar. New vinyl windows,
siding and central air conditioning. Roof approximately 5 years old.
Kitchen has updated counter top, stove top and wall oven. Large
backyard with shed and 14 X 18 concrete pad with basketball
hoop. Great location near public school. America’s Preferred home
warranty provided. $79,900 #088-07-0103
Lovely 3 bedroom ranch home with large family room offering
3 skylights and many windows, formal dining area with a nice
working kitchen. Additional features include a kitchen pantry,
front coat closet, 2 linen closets, partial basement and central
air. Property fronts 2 roads. $89,500 #088-07-0096
Move right in! Very neat and clean furnished year-round
home within walking distance to Lake Huron Sandy beaches!
Spacious 3 bedroom ranch with many updates including
kitchen, windows, roof and much more! Excellent location
close to town for shopping, schools and medical facilites!
See photo tour for additional information! GREAT BUY!!
$92,900 # 088-08-0043
Everyone gets enough exercise jumping to
conclusions, flying off the handle, running down
the boss, knifing friends in the back, dodging
responsibility and pushing their luck.
Hubbard Lake General Store
ALL DNR LICENSES
BAIT & TACKLE
BEER - WINE - LIQUOR
FRESH MEATS - GROCERIES
LOTTO - PROPANE
(989) 727-9172
NORTH END
“AT THE CORNERS”
Getting older is such a delightful thing. Yesterday
morning, I got the Poly-Grip mixed up with the
Preperation H.
“I’m sorry if this is too direct, bro, but have you
ever thought about switching to a tartar control
toothpaste?”
“Hope is the dream
of the waking man.”
This department requires no physical
fitness program.
– Aristotle
NOTICE
3 bedroom, 1 3/4 bath, 1 story with crawl space.
Appliances: range, refrigerator, dishwasher, washer
& dryer. Exterior Features: enclosed screen porch.
$97,000 #088-08-0030
This roomy 2 bedroom home with a large walk-in
closet and enclosed front porch would make a great
investment or starter home. It is currently producing a
monthly income. The backyard is adjacent to two lots
owned by AuSable Twp and they will remain vacant.
$55,900 #088-08-0024
This home is sparkling clean, bright and ready for you to
move in & enjoy! New carpeting, paint, window treatments,
doors and bath fixtures. Ceramic tile in kitchen, bath & laundry.
Convenient floor plan. Good storage plus: 2 linen closets, wall
of shelves in laundry, pull-down stairs to attic, loft in garage.
Close to AuSable Township beach on Lake Huron, town of
Oscoda, AuSable River! $59,900 #088-08-0009
Enjoy the absolutely beautiful sandy beach of
Lake Huron along with access to private boat ramp on
AuSable River at an affordable price. Located in the
AuSable Condominium Campground which is a gated
community with many amenities including, clubhouse
with shower/laundry/gameroom, and fish cleaning
station. All furnishings and appliances, including patio
furniture stay--just move right in. Close to downtown
Oscoda. $65,000 #088-07-0082
3 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath, 2 story with full unfinished
basement. Townhouse in the Villages of Oscoda.
Appliances: range, refrigerator,. Exterior Features:
Porch. Outbuildings: shed. $65,000 #088-08-0034
Contact us in regards to the additonal Villages of
Oscoda listings.
Get the Most Out of
Your Summer Fun!
JC NepToon
The family pleasing NepToon series
offers a refreshing alternative to the
elegant SunToon with no loss of
quality. While sharing the legendary
JC construction with the SunToon,
the NepToon series has a style of its
own. Many features (the bow gate
seat, for example) are unique to the
NepToon series.
Ebbtide - One of a Kind
It’s easy to be lured to the curves and
lines, colors and styling of an Ebbtide.
But it’s what lies beneath the obvious
that separates Ebbtide from most boat
builders. From the solid unitized grid
stringer system to the DURA-CORE®
hull sides, every detail of your Ebbtide
has been carefully engineered to deliver
unsurpassed safety, quiet comfort and a
boat that wil last your family a lifetime.
Stop In and See Yours Today at
4968 Hubbard Lake Rd, Spruce, MI 48762
Over 30 Years in Business
989-727-2797
Certified Mercury & MerCruiser
Parts & Service
OPEN 9-6 MON-SAT • CLOSED SUN
Tawas Bay
Yarn Company
Extensive Inventory of
New & Classic Yarns
Classes e Patterns e Needles
New at Tawas Bay Yarn Company.....
The Annex, Open Every Saturday, 10-3
Bargains on Closeouts & Discontinued Yarns
551 West Lake St. (US23)
at the blinker in Tawas City
Mon-Sat 11am-5pm
989-362-4463
Come See Us...We’re
Worth the Drive!
Visit us at
www.tawasbayyarn.com
Dave & Deb Pockrandt - Owners
Used Cars - Complete Collision Service
Complete Car Repair - Licensed Mechanics
(989) 876-8161
Fax (989) 876-6343
P.O. Box 226 - 129 Huron Rd.
AuGres, MI 48703
BULLETIN:
This job is a test. It is only a test.
Had it been an actual job, you would
have received raises, bonuses and
promotions.
No matter what situations life throws at you,
no matter how long and treacherous your
journey may seem,
remember, there is a light at the end
of the tunnel...
Do you have feelings of
inadequacy?
· Do you suffer from
shyness?
· Do you sometimes wish
you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any
of these questions, ask your
doctor or pharmacist about
White Wine.
White Wine is the safe, natural
way to feel better and more
confident about yourself and
your actions. White Wine
can help ease you out of
your shyness and let you tell
the world that you’re ready
and willing to do just about
anything.
You will notice the benefits of
White Wine almost immediately,
and with a regimen of regular
doses you can overcome any
obstacles that prevent you from
living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness
will be a thing of the past and
you will discover many talents
you never knew you had. Stop
hiding and start living, with
White Wine.
However, White Wine may not
be right for everyone. Women
who are pregnant or nursing
should not use White Wine.
However, women who wouldn’t
mind nursing or becoming
pregnant are encouraged to try
it.
Side effects may include
dizziness, nausea, vomiting,
incarceration, lustfulness, loss
of motor control, loss of clothing,
loss of money, delusions
of grandeur, table dancing,
headache, dehydration, dry
mouth, and a desire to sing
Karaoke and play all-night
rounds of Strip Poker and Truth
Or Dare.
And if White Wine fails to
produce sufficient results, be
sure to ask your doctor about
Red Wine.
M
ikado
ARKET
n
Now
Serving Lunch
Burgers,
Strips, Poppers,
Homemade
Soups
and More
Daily
at 11AM
Mikado
Market is
Your Summer
Cookout
Headquarters!
Pizza, Subs - Sandwiches - Jerky - Sausage
Home Smoked Meats - Fresh Baked Bread
Lotto, Groceries, Beer/Wine, Produce/Snacks
$1.00 Greeting Cards - DVD Rentals
We accept VISA, MasterCard, Bridge Cards, and WIC
2276 F-41, Mikado • 989-736-3066
*H&H Bakery Fresh Subs Available Here*
Bait & Tackle • Gas • Diesel • LP Gas
Jerky Stop & Groceries • Lotto • Beer & Wine
415 E. Huron, P.O. Box 37 • Au Gres, MI 48703
Call for current fishing report and conditions
989-876-6488
Professional Alterations & Repair
The Military Does Have a
Sense of Humor
“A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade
launcher fire when you least expect it. That
would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of
your unit.”
- Army’s magazine of preventive maintenance.
TO ALL EMPLOYEES:
New Incentive Plan:
Work or Get Fired.
$19 95
n
MILLER AUTO PARTS

337 S. State, Oscoda, MI
(989) 739-3336
Open 8am-5:30pm Mon-Fri
8am-3pm Sat, 10am-2pm Sun
Kalitta & Cooper Standard
DISCOUNTS
Check Out Our New
Line of Tools
Also Now Carrying
Small Engine Parts
Walking Across America collection of works available at Simple Miracles, Harrisville
Andy’s Transmission Shop Inc
Where Quality is Affordable
Your Complete Drive Line Service Center
Transmissions • Transfer Case • Differential
Axles • U-Joints • and More
Owners
Andy
Carpenter
& Jeff
Piper
Phone 989-354-0787 • Fax 989-356-3845
Give us a Call!
5540 US 23 North, Alpena, MI 49707
Mon - Thurs 8:00 - 5:00 / Fri 8:00 - Noon
And Now Open:
Andy’s Service Center
Complete Auto Repair
mA/C
mEngines
mStruts
mShocks
& More
mBrakes
Saturdays By Appointment Only
More Military Wit
“Aim towards the Enemy.” - Instruction printed on
US Rocket Launcher
Blast from the Past
The Philco Predicta®
Do you remember the Philco
Predicta® television sets? They
were products of the late 1950’s
space age craze following the
launch of Sputnik in 1957. The
original manufacturer, Philco, went
bankrupt in 1962. The Predicta®
trademark is now held by Telstar
Electronics who create new
televisions in a similar style with
modern parts. They sure do have
more personality than a plasma
screen!
Q: Why should 55+ year old people use
valet parking?
A: Valets don’t forget where they park
your car.
Q: What is the most common remark
made by 55+ year olds when they enter
antique stores?
A: “Gosh, I remember those.”
“When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.”
- US Marine Corps
“It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you
just bombed.” - US Air Force Manual
“Five second fuses only last three seconds.”
- Infantry Journal
“If your attack is going too well, you’re walking into an ambush.”
- Infantry Journal
“I did what you told me...
I sent the email to 10 people like you said...
I’m still waiting for that miracle to happen.”
According to the person who sent this, the driver had only been in the U.S. a few months.
He had missed his turn by Billings, MT. He figured he could go over the hill and continue on
the road. Apparently he didn’t know there were rail tracks on top of the grade which doesn’t
matter, he’d be stuck anyhow. The truck owner figures he had to hit the angle at over 55
miles an hour in order to make the top. If you look close at some of the pictures you will see
that it is only when the trailer pinched the rear tires of the truck that the truck stopped.
It’s rather disturbing that the kind of genius it would take to even attempt something like this
was actually behind the wheel of a semi driving down the highway.
Wouldn’t you love to see the guy’s face while he was trying to explain this to his boss?
n
Dining and Entertainment
RED
ROOSTER
restaurant
Full American
& Italian Cuisine
Featuring
Homemade Soups,
Pies & Bread
Try Our Pizza!
Eat-in or Take-out
Daily Specials • Low Prices • Friendly Service
Generous Portions • Breakfast Anytime
WEEKLY SPECIALS:
Tue: All-u-Can-Eat Spaghetti
Wed: Mexican
Thurs: Pizza Specials
Fri: Cod, Perch, Fish & Chips
Sat: Lasagna Supreme
CRYSTAL BAY American Cuisine with Style
Steak, Fish, Homemade Soups,
Biggest Shrimp in Town
Beer/Wine/Cocktails
Try Our Lake Perch Specials &
Saturday Night Prime Rib
OPEN DAILY 8am - 9pm
989-739-7659
3228 US 23
Across from Beach in Tawas City
Mon-Sat 8am-9pm • Sun 8am-2pm
8 miles N. of Oscoda in Greenbush
Snack Bar & Liquor Bar on Boat
RESTAURANT
Open 8am Daily for Breakfast
362-3887
448 W Lake St. (US-23)
The Hidden Jewel of Hubbard Lake
Six Miles West of Oscoda on River Road
Two-Hour Round Trip
on the Beautiful AuSable River
The ONLY Paddlewheel River Boat
of its Kind in the North
Only $12 Adult, $6 Children, Senior Citizen $10
Daily Schedule:
June 21-Aug 31: 12 Noon & 3pm • Sep 1-26: 1pm
Sep 27-Oct 19: Fall Color - Call for Schedule
Private Charter Trips Available for 6pm Cruises
P.O. Box 249, Hale, MI 48739
(989) 739-7351 (10am-5pm daily)
(989) 728-3131 (6pm-9pm) OR
(989) 728-6558 (6pm-9pm)
Visit Us at:
www.ausableriverqueen.net
information@ausableriverqueen.net
FAX: (989) 739-2397
“If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a
shipment.” – Dave Allen
Sunday Brunch 10-2 • Serving Dinner Tuesday - Sunday beginning at 5pm
NEW Casual
Deck Menu
DECK ONLY:
Friday, July 18 & Saturday August 16 Served Sat/Sun 5 Bud/Bud Lt.
Afternoons,
Ice Cold Bottles
Food & Drink Specials - Giveaways
Weekdays
Bucket $12
Entertainment
after 5pm
Lakeside Bed & Breakfast Accomodations • Pontoon Rental
“FULL MOON DECK PARTY”
5700 Bennett Road • Hubbard Lake, MI 49747
(989) 727-2020 ~ 1-800-727-2078
Please Visit our Web Site: www.churchillpointeinn.com
“The Only Thing We Overlook is the Lake.”
Wow...Just, Wow.
A New York man retired. He wanted to use his
retirement money wisely, so it would last, and decided to buy a home and a few acres in Portugal.
The modest farmhouse had been vacant for 15
years; the owner and wife both had died, and there
were no heirs. The house was sold to pay taxes.
There had been several lookers, but the large barn
had steel doors, and they had been welded shut.
Nobody wanted to go to the extra expense to see
what was in the barn, and it wasn’t complimentary
to the property anyway......so, nobody made an offer on the place.
The New York guy bought it at just over half of
the property’s worth, moved in, and set about to
tear in to the barn.......curiosity was killing him. So,
he and his wife bought a generator, and a couple of grinders.......and cut thru the welds. What was in
the barn?
An enormous collection of cars valued at up to $35 million! This is a true story and the man and his
wife had full claim to the lot. They had a great retirement!
UNEXPLAINABLE
This picture cannot be explained.
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $100.00.
Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?
Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you
like.
10
n
Good Food, Good FUN
Kathy’s Family Kitchen
Now Serving Hand-Dipped Ice Cream
Thursday 3:00pm-9:00pm
All-You-Can-Eat Spaghetti $7.99
Includes salad and drink
~~~~~~~~
Friday 3:00pm-9:00pm
All-You-Can-Eat Cod $9.99
including soup & salad
~~~~~~~~
Pizza Carry-Out Available
OSCODA
739-1487
5113 North US‑23
Open Daily 7:30am to 3:30pm • Thur/Fri/Sat until 9:00pm
Offering Breakfast & Lunch • Daily Specials
989-736-8632
We Accept
214 W. Mt. Maria Rd, South Shore of Hubbard Lake
Home of
The ALL NEW
Charlie Burger
and
The Best Pizza
in the North!
All You can eat
fish fry fridays
Now only $9.99
BRING AD AND
SAVE $1.00
THE WAGON WHEEL
Music - Pool - Keno
Mondays Open Pool, 50¢ Drafts All Day
Every Monday Night: Euchre 7pm
14” 2-Item Pizza w/ Pitcher of Beer $12
Every Tuesday 6pm - Ladies Night
Wednesdays All-Day Mexican Specialties, $3 Margaritas
Thursdays 25¢ Wings All Day - Dine-in Only
Fri/Sat/Sun BBQ Ribs
Try the All-New
WAGON BURGER!
A 3-lb. Burger on a Homemade
Bun. Large Enough to Feed the
Whole Family!
24-Hour Advance Order Please
The Wagon
Wheel Golf
Tournament
Sunday, July 27
Starts at 10am
9 Holes at
Monarch Ridge
Includes steak dinner
w/ baked potato and
salad at The Wagon
Wheel following play
$25 per person
Call for More Info
Karaoke Friday & Saturday Nights
Music Maker
KARAOKE & DJ
NORTHERN MICHIGAN’SBEST DJ
Home of the
Hot-n-Ready
Donna Roussin
Operating with Bose Audio System
BBQ Rib Smackers
6 for $5.00
Delivery Available to schools,
clubs, businesses & churches
$3.00 Charge + 10% Gratuity
$10.00 Minimum
HILLTOP
SALOON
(989) 739-0344
Tuesdays & Thursdays
$1.00 Tacos
Fridays
All-You-Can-Eat
Fish & Chips $8.95
#1 People’s Choice
Best Burger
Klenow’s Buffalo & Elk
Burgers $4.50
Take-out Available
Club Keno • Automatic Keno
Big Screen TV • Friendly Staff
431 N. Mill St • Oscoda (off River Rd.)
Hoppe’s Hut
Live Music Every Weekend (Fri/Sat)
Live Country Music Every Other Sunday
Never a Cover Charge
July 11-12 Liquid Habit • 18-19 Out of the Blue
25-26 Echo’s • Aug 1-2 Vagrant Soul
Sundays July 13 & 27 Over the Hill Gang
SERVING A FULL MENU
Burgers • Pizza • Ribs • Prime Rib
Open Daily at 7:00am for Breakfast
6449 M‑65 S. at Werth Rd, Lachine
(989) 379-4456
Pool • Darts • Burgers
Beer Specials on Tuesdays & Thursdays
Entertainment
Karaoke Wed, Sat and Sun at 8:00
Happy 8th Birthday, Marissa - July 14th
109 River St. in Alpena
989-356-9117
2030 East Nicholson Hill Rd in Ossineke - (989) 471-5103
at the “Four Corners” in Hubbard Lake
OFFICE
LOUNGE
& GRILL
Open Daily at 10am, Sunday at Noon - Grill Open ‘til 9pm
Take-out Orders 739-EATS (3287)
MON-ThuR: Blue Plate Special $6.50
• 41 Plus Item Menu, Including Pizza
• Entertainment Thurs. thru Sat.
• Happy Hour Mon-Fri 4-7 & All Day Sunday
• Keno & Pull Tabs • Free Wi-Fi
LIVE ENTERTAINMENT:
July 18-19 (Sat/Sun) • OopCdayZ
July 31, Aug 1-2 • Blues Busters
(Thurs/Fri/Sat)
For up-to-date menu & events
www.officeloungeandgrill.com
110 E. Dwight Street, Oscoda
739-3388
all you can eat fish fry! friday $8.00 inc. tax
Happy Hour v Mon-Thur v 11am to 6pm
MON Rib Special 1/2 Rack w/ French fries - $6.95
Milwaukee’s Best/ Best Light - $1.00 bottle
TUES Ladies’ Night? ALL DAY LONG!!!/ $1.00 drinks, guys’ drinks $2.00
WEDHappy Hour All Day - Bike Night Specials
THURSPizza Special/ $1 off Small, $2 off Med., $3 off Large
FRIDinner Feature - All You Can Eat Cod $12.95
SUN $1.00 Schnapps ALL DAY, $1.50 Beer ALL DAY
SIGN UP NOW for Preliminary Round of
“Brown Trout Bikini Contest” - July 19
Winner will represent Hubbard Lake Tavern in the
finals at Brown Trout Festival for the Grand Prize
Must be 21+ to participate and be present at Brown Trout Festival
July 23 to qualify. See official rules for more info.
NASCAR SUNDAYS
Try Our Broasted Tavern-Style Chicken - Every Day Cooked to Order
4pc Chicken Dinner $7.90 • Sunday Special 8pc Dinner $8.95
Open 7 Days a Week * Mon-Sat 11am-2am • Sun Noon-2am
All Menu Items Available for Take-out * We Also Have BEER-TO-GO
Kitchen Hours: Sun-Thur Noon-11pm, Fri/Sat Noon-Midnight
7002 Hurbert, N. End Hubbard Lake
(989) 727-3560
Good Food, Good FUN
s
’
a
am
y
r
t
n
ou
M
C
Daily -Eat
an
ou-C
All-Y pecial ,
S
oup
n
e
h
itc
K
S
ding
,
Inclu , Potato
d
a
Sal Basket &
d
Brea essert
D
t
kfas
Brea
y
l
i
Da
ial
Spec t,
ea
gs, M
2 Eg atoes,
t
Po
offee
t&C
y
Toas 1am Onl
-1
6am
Harbortown
Pizza
“TASTY TUESDAY”
Medium 2-item pizza $8.00, 4-8pm
“NEW” Hand-Tossed Pizzas
Pizza * Subs * Pasta Dishes
Chicken Wings * Salads
989-724-5000
OPEN
7 DAYS
At the Stoplight in Harrisville
CASUAL DINING
BAKERY
IMPORTED BEER & WINE
GOURMET FOODS
Homemade Soups Every Day
Sunday 6:30am to 8:00pm
Mon-Wed 6:30am-9:00pm • Thu/Fri/Sat 6:30am-10:00pm
Daily Lunch and Dinner Specials
105 S. State Street
Harrisville, MI 48740
989-724-7473
THE NORTH END
Manuel & Kim Pompa, Proprietors
theflourgarden@hotmail.com
Family Restaurant
SERVING BREAKFAST, LUNCH, & DINNER
7 AM to 10 PM
FRIDAY
101 N. Lake St
Lincoln, MI
ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT COD
989-736-6611
$8.25
MONDAY TACO BAR
$6.75
Food So Good,
You’ll Think
We Stole Your
Grandma
OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK
NOW FEATURING
16 HAND-DIPPED FLAVORS
Soft-Serve Ice Cream!!!
Malts
Shakes
Blizzards
Banana Splits
DAILY
SPECIALS
HOMEMADE
SOUPS & CHILI
PIZZA
OPEN YEAR
‘ROUND
989-727-2700
At the North End of
Hubbard Lake
1575 W. Hubert Rd.
We Offer Burgers, Sandwiches,
Salads, Soups & More!
Stop in and See Us!
Hours of Operation:
Mon-Thurs 9am-4pm • Fri 9am-7pm
www.Take5Deli.com
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said,
“I can’t find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it’s due to
drinking.”
“In that case,” said the patient, “I’ll come back when you’re sober”
Breakfast ‘Til Noon
Sat ‘Til 12:30p
Sun ‘Til 1:00p
Daily LUNCH & Dinner Specials
New Speed Control Device
n
11
12
n
My Glass Wings
Custom Stained Glass
Design and Fabrication
Classes * Repairs
Art Glass Supply * Gifts of Glass
Classes...Open Enrollment
Create Your Sun Catcher or Window!
Answer on on page 22
Keepsakes or Classes for You & Your Family
Gift Certificates Always Available
Phone 989-358-9464
Visit us at www.myglasswings.com
Johnrowe Building
e-mail: GlassWings@Sisna.com
106 Second Ave, Alpena
Slip Into The Cove
Two Shops-One Stop
While purchasing that special gift from
our large selection of treasures in our
gift shop, slip into our ice cream shop
and treat yourself!
Gifts • Cards • Ice Cream
Featuring Yankee Candles
Homemade waffle cones
Hand-dipped premium ice cream
110 Main St. in Harrisville
Banana splits • Sundaes • Malts • Shakes
(989) 724-5134
1-800-618-0999
989-736-6895
989-736-8138
Use Our Sony Digital Photo Center for Your Summer Vacation Pictures
Inflatable Swim Toys for Summer!
www.Lincolndrug.com
Fax 989-736-0618
Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.
Doctor: How do you feel?
Patient: A little down in the mouth.
Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your
loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn’t all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now,
and I don’t want to miss the four o’clock ball game.
Heritage
House
Realty
of Harrisville, Inc.
“Personalized Service is the Difference.”
Visit Us at www.heritageharrisville.com
(989) 724-5800
1-800-982-0102
Fax: (989) 724-6656
heritagehouse@charterinternet.com
Larry Lyle
Owner/Broker
Betty Jo Lyle
Owner/Realtor®
234 S. Huron (US-23)
PO Box 572
Qualified Go-Getters Harrisville, MI 48740
Wanted!
Louella Shellenbarger, Realtor®
Janene Lovelace, Agent
Connie Sysak, Realtor®
Wendy K. Reeves Richardson, Realtor®
ALCONA HUMANE SOCIETY PETS OF THE MONTH
“Marko”
Neutered male Manx
cat, young adult.
Nice cat. Needs home
without other cats.
“Patches”
Female adult Calico.
Very sweet, laid-back
and quiet. Gets along
with other cats.
“Bandit”
9 Year old Lab/Shepard
mix. Loves to play with
toys, especially a ball!
Housebroken and good
with children.
“Duke”
5/6 Year old Shepard
mix. Neutered,
housebroken and has
a nice temperament!
FUNDRAISERS TO BENEFIT ALCONA HUMANE SOCIETY:
AUGUST 30-31: PONY RIDES at the Harrisville Harmony festival. Alcona
Humane Soc. annual Cedar Swing Raffle tickets on sale.
Bathing Services: $15.00 • You Bathe Them: $10.00
Volunteer Time at the Shelter! 1 or 2 Hours a week will help immensely!
Please call us at 736-PETS for more information.
Please Help! – Donations Needed for Food, Blankets, Litter, Toys, etc.
He didn’t like the casserole
USELESS TRIVIA
And he didn’t like my cake.
Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring
half a gallon of water to a boil.
The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much
information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.
He said my biscuits were too
hard,
Not like his mother used to
make.
I didn’t perk the coffee right.
He didn’t like the stew.
I didn’t mend his socks the way
his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around &
smacked
the heck out of him...
Like his mother used to do.
Local Flavor
Send your funny photos and
jokes to: The Good Life, P.O. Box
92, Lincoln, MI 48742, or email
to: cs.rayburn@hotmail.com
(Tim)
209 S. State, Oscoda, MI 48750
(Shawn)
(989) 739-5000
* FREE Hoist Check
* FREE Road Test
* All Trucks/4x4s
* American–Foreign
* Automatic–Manual
* Motor Homes
* Axles, Clutches & Flywheels
n
dining, entertainment, PRODUCTs & services
money-saving coupons
Gary’s
Hair Care
Beauty C enter
of East Tawas
Pam Dillingham - Certified Beauty Advisor/Owner
207 Newman St. • East Tawas, MI 48730
(989) 984-0010 • (989) 728-5947
www.avon.com/pdillingham
5737 N. US‑23, #6, Oscoda
Oscoda Commons Mall
Hours: Mon-Fri 8:30-5:30 • (989) 739-3464
20% OFF COUPON
MEN’S AND BOYS HAIR CUT
ONLY $6.00 with Coupon
Bring or mention this ad for 20% off any one
regular-price, in-store item. Expires 8/31/08
A Different Blend
Salon & Tanning
OFF A FULL PEDICURE All Tanning Packages
00 Regular Price $35 & Lotions (in-stock):
Bring or Mention This Ad • Expires 8/31/08 Buy One, Get One 1/2 Price
$10
989.356.0918
–Coffee House & Café–
Enjoy One of Our New Sandwiches & Salads!
10% OFF Your Order
With This Coupon - expires 8-31-08
989-362-2403
513 W. Bay St. (US-23), East Tawas, MI 48730
Next to East Tawas City Park
FREE WIRELESS INTERNET
424 N. 2nd Ave, Alpena, MI 49707
Every Day Large 1 Topping Pizza $6.99
10% OFF COMPLETE OIL CHANGE
New York (989)
Deli & Pizza 362-9067
with this ad...expires 8/31/08
4646 Baker Road (M65)
in Glennie
(989) 735-5000
Mon/Tue/Thu/Fri 9:30-4:30
Saturday 9:30-4:00
Closed Wednesday & Sunday
Buy Any Sandwich
Get a Free Pop
K & L Stedry Auto
($1.49 value)
Auto Parts, Sales & Service
• Exhaust
• Oil Change
• Engine Diagnostics
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 Extra-Large
1-Topping Pizza
• Rotor/Drum Turning
• Tire Mounting/Rotation/
& Balance
North Country Candy & Gifts
Coffee
Cappuccino
Latte
Smoothies
Sandwiches
Salads
Pastries
$8.99
126 Newman
(first block)
Downtown East Tawas
Hours
Mon-Fri 8am-11pm
Sat 10am-11pm
Sun Noon-10pm
BRING IN AD FOR $9.99 OFF PURCHASE OF $75 OR MORE (excludes sale items & Merrell) - Exp. 8/15/08
& Hubbard Lake Coffee Roasters
Celebrate national
ice cream month!
Receive 50¢ off any ice
cream treat
expires 7/31/08
1045 N. Bagley St., Alpena, MI 49707 • 989-354-8231 Toll Free 866-668-8231
www.northcountrycandyandgifts
SIZES 5-15
SAS • Born • Teva • Merrell
Crocs • J-41 • Keen
Red Wing • Irish Setter • Finn Comfort
Danner • New Balance • and more
127 Newman • East Tawas, MI 48730
AAA to EEEEE
(989) 362-2587 • 1-800-929-3694
SIDEWALK SALE - JULY 31, AUGUST 1 & 2 - SAVE UP TO 50%!
Magic Touch
Expires 8/15/08
GUARANTEED...
MOST THOROUGH CLEANING EVER
Expires 8/15/08
Expires 8/15/08
25% OFF UPHOLSTERY
CLEANING
Coupon not good
with any other
coupon or offer.
Expires 8/15/08
13
n
www.greatlakesrealtyonline.com
989-727-3982
A New Locally Owned and Operated Flat Fee
Real Estate Company is Operating in Your Area.
We Offer You a Flat Fee MLS Listing and
Internet Marketing.
Save Thousands of Dollars Compared
to Your Traditional Real Estate.
More Information: call 1-800 497-2782 ext 1153
$599 GOLD PACKAGE
6 Months on Local MLS with 6 Pictures
6 Months on Realtor.com with 25 Pictures
6 Months on RMLS
6 Months on greatlakesrealtyonline.com
Professional Yard Sign
Help with Paperwork • Full Agent Support
Showing Coordination
Negotiation Coordination
**Closing Coordination Additional**
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
More Information: call 1-800 497-2782 ext 1163
$899 PLATINUM PACKAGE
Everything Included in the Gold Package Plus:
Virtual Tour on RMLS and Realtor.com
Brochure Box and Brochures
Talking House Toll Free Number with
Recording
Full Closing Support
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No cash needed we accept Visa and Master Card with
Google Check out! Also accepting payment thorugh PayPal
Foreclosure Information
Call 1-800-497-2782 ext...as listed below...
ext 1022: $100 Down Payment on HUD/FHA Homes
ext 1042: Zero Down Home Information
ext 1072: Foreclosure Information
200 FT. lake Huron ranch Brick 4 bedroom, 2
bath, 2 car garge, city
water & sewer. Sunset
views of Lake Huron.
$165,900. MLS: 280696.
Split Field Stone Beauty w/5 acres woods, 3
bedrooms, 2 baths, 4 car
garage all recently
remodeled: new kitchen,
new drywall, new wiring,
new carpeting and
ceramic tile. Additional
land available. Call for a showing. $165,900.
MLS: 280700.
100 FT. on long lake. 1/4 log sided year round
home. 3 bedrooms, 2
baths, wrap around deck
and fireplace. Seller is
selling on a Bank Short
Sale. $179,900. Make
an offer subject to bank
approval. Appraised 2006 for $248,000. MLS: 280698.
Hunting Camp Year round retreat 80 acres
hardwoods and swamp.
Trophy deer and bear. Nice
camp with buildings, deer
blinds and rye fields. L.C.
Assumption to existing balance $70,000 possible.
MLS 280738. $210,500.
224 W. Washington Ave.
Alpena
Office: 356-2756
Cell: 657-2870
Toll Free 800-233-6678
www.sunriseside.com
Sunrise Side Realty • Sunrise Side Realty • Sunrise side Realty • Sunrise side Realty • Sunrise side Realty
Great Lakes
Realty Online
LLC
Sunrise Side Realty • Sunrise Side Realty • Sunrise side Realty
Sunrise Side Realty • Sunrise Side Realty • Sunrise side Realty • Sunrise side Realty • Sunrise side Realty
14
REPO’d
HUD Homes
$
100
down
• 30-year mortgage
• market rate %
• $2500 to you at closing!
For a list of
homes and complete details
call 800-497-2782 ext. 1074
Sunrise Side Realty (989) 356-2756
or (989) 657-2870
Free F.H.A. Loan Pre-Approvals and 100’s
of new FHA approved listings to view.
Free Appointment & Consultation.
DON’T LOSE YOUR HOME!
STOP FORECLOSURE!
Sell it on a Short Sale before it’s too late.
Guaranteed to sell in this market for it’s
real value. Visit www.sunriseside.com and
read all about it or call Alan (989) 356-2756
BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!
SELL IT & PRESERVE YOUR CREDIT!
Free appOInTMenT
Northeast
Land
Surveys
N E L S
survey says...whenever you draw a line, someone will try to cross it.
BILL WOODS - PROFESSIONAL LAND SURVEYOR SINCE 1973
Serving All Your Commercial & Residential Needs
Don’t build until you KNOW where your boundary lines are! Ask us
about some stories of those who didn’t.
Global Positioning Satellite (GPS) Land Surveying Services
All Aspects of Land Surveying • Licensed and Insured
We Have Been Serving the Following Counties for Over 30 YEARS:
Alcona, Arenac, Iosco, Ogemaw, and Oscoda.
Now with extended service to standish and
pinconning areas
Member of the Michigan Society of Professional Surveyors
5461 Cedar Lake Road, Oscoda, MI 48750
989-739-0771
Fax 989-739-0772 • nelandsurvey@sbcglobal.net
n
15
WILD BILL’S BAIT AND TACKLE
Northeast Michigan’s Largest
Premier Bait & Tackle Shop
BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road
because it was time for a
CHANGE! The chicken wanted
CHANGE!
JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken
crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage
in cooperation and dialogue
with all the chickens on the
other side of the road.
“When I was young I was called a rugged individualist.
When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here
I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I’m
labeled senile.”
– George Burns
WILSON’S
CHEESE
SHOPPE
“michigan’s oldest”
Since
1939
mild, aged, & fancy cheeses
Game Meat Sticks * Game Jerky
Liquor * Fine Wines
Homemade Baked Goods
Hand-Dipped Ice Cream Cones
T-Shirts & Souvenirs
Mail Orders
OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK
M‑13, PINCONNING
1-800-CHEESE5
Order Online www.wilsoncheese.com
ALL RISK INSURANCE
2213 US 23 S., ALPENA, MI 49707 • 989-358-8400
“We’re Not Like the Rest...We’re the Best!”
Specializing in Auto and
Motorcycle Insurance
We Have Eight Great Companies to
Quote – Give Us a Call Today!
“Big or Small, We Insure
Them All.”
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I
live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.
DRUG
212 S. State St. Oscoda, MI 48750
Family Owned Since 1939
Quick, Professional Prescription Service
Dollar Store, Cold Beer & Wine,
Package Liquor, Lotto
website: www.gilbertsdrug.com
email: info@gilbertsdrug.com
ph: (989) 739-7585
fax: (989) 739-5739
24/7 Towing & Road Service
MPSC #33313
Tire Repair & Rotation
Complete Auto Repair
Portable Welding
Snowmobile Parts & Service
HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I
personally helped that little
chicken to cross the road. This
experience makes me uniquely
qualified to ensure -- right
from Day One! -- that every
chicken in this country gets the
chance it deserves to cross the
road. But then, this really isn’t
about me.......
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don’t really care why
the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the
chicken is on our side of the
road, or not. The chicken is
either against us, or for us.
There is no middle ground
here.
DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is
that this chicken won’t realize
that he must first deal with the
problem on ‘THIS’ side of the
road before it goes after the
problem on the ‘OTHER SIDE’
of the road. What we need
to do is help him realize how
stupid he’s acting by not taking
on his ‘CURRENT’
problems before adding ‘NEW’
problems.
OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the
chicken is having problems,
which is why he wants to cross
this road so bad. So instead
of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take
falls, which is a part of life, I’m
going to give this chicken a car
so that he can just drive across
the road and not live his life
like the rest of the chickens.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn
me which way that chicken
was going. I had a standing
order at the Farmer’s Market
to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No
little bird gave me any insider
information.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the
road, but why it crossed I’ve
not been told.
Camping Supplies
*All Hunting & Fishing Licenses*
ORV & Trail Permits
Waxworms • Crickets • Mealworms
All Our Live Bait is
Live Minnows
Guaranteed to Catch
Fish or Die Trying
10 Dozen Crawlers $17.50
Located Just Minutes from the Best Fishing at
Fletcher’s Floodwaters
Call for a Current Fishing Report
Visit Us at
www.wbbnt.com
Hours: 7am-6pm
take a
kid fishing
(989) 742-4874
3 Miles East of Hillman on M‑32
E-mail: wildbillsbnt@yahoo.com
Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter, the
PRINCESS.
But there was a problem. Everything the princess
touched would melt.
No matter what; metal, wood, stone, anything
she touched melted instantly.
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare
marry her.
The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the
king, ‘If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in
her hands, she will be cured.’
The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.
The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring
his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her
and inherit the king’s wealth.
THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly.
The second prince brought diamonds.
He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world
and would not melt.
But alas,once the princess touched them, they melted.
He too was sent away disappointed.
The third prince approached. He told the princess, ‘Put your
hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.’
The princess did as she was told, though she turned red at the
suggestion.
She felt something in his pocket and held it in her hand.
And it did not melt!!!
The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was
overjoyed!
And the third prince married the princess and they both lived
happily ever after.
So, what was in the prince’s pocket?
Brace yourself...
Are you ready for it?
M&M’s, of course.
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
Seed Cleansing & Separating • Making Special Feed Mixers
Low Feed
Prices
Call for Quote
(989) 464-0527
Quality Pontoons and
Runabouts
Service for All Makes/Models
Szikszay & Son
Boat Slips and Storage
2073 N. US‑23
(989) 739-2999
East Tawas, MI 48730
Cell: (989) 820-4757
Licensed & Insured
3436 US 23
Greenbush, MI 48738
Pickup and Launch
Towing & Auto
Judy & Al Bennett & Cory
(989) 739-8783
16
n
Michigan East Side Sales L.L.C.
AFFORDABLE MANUFACTURED HOMES
New and Pre-Owned Homes
• Excellent selection of Pre-Owned
Double Wide and Single Wide homes
all at one location!
• Financing available for everyone!
• We take Trades of all kinds
• Turn-key Packages are available
Free Delivery in Michigan!*
• Floorplans from 440 sq. ft.
to 2,100 sq. ft.
• Rent while you build
• Temporary Catastrophe Housing
• Mobile Office Rent/Lease
• Removal & Disposal of old
mobile homes
• Hunting Camp
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by
a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman
who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, ‘If I
give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of
dinner?’
‘No, I had to stop drinking years ago,’ the homeless woman told me.
‘Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?’ I asked.
‘No, I don’t waste time shopping,’ the homeless woman said. ‘I need to
spend all my time trying to stay alive.’
‘Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?’ I asked.
‘Are you NUTS !’ replied the homeless woman. ‘I haven’t had my hair
done in 20 years!’
‘Well,’ I said, ‘I’m not going to give you the money.
Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me
tonight.’
The homeless Woman was shocked. ‘Won’t your husband be furious
with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty and I look terrible.’
I said, ‘That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like
after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.’
Blast from the Past
Homes Arriving Weekly – Call Today!
Just South of Alpena
on US 23
Fully Licensed, Bonded, and Insured
* Fuel surcharge may be applicable
4220 U.S. Hwy 23 South, Alpena, MI 49707
Phone (989) 354-6867 • Fax (989) 356-6466
TOLL FREE (888) 634-3463 ~ www.michiganeastsidesales.com
Fender Skirt
“We’ve all met people who are supposedly incredibly
intelligent but don’t know which way to sit on a lavatory.”
– Stephen Fry
Penny Lee
Sales Specialist
Sales Specialist
e-mail:
abecci7@yahoo.com
“Continental Kit”
(“Continental Kits” were rear bumper extenders and spare tire covers that
were supposed to make any car as cool as a Lincoln Continental.)
Rebecca (Becci) Schirrick
(989) 820-5912
Curb Feelers
(989) 305-0437
SUNRISE REALTY, INC.
e-mail:
penny.homes@yahoo.com
314 North State Street • Oscoda, MI 48750
Let us help you find your dream home or cottage!
Spacious 3-Bedroom Chalet. $47,000
RMLS # 080-08-0009 Call Becci: (989) 820-5912
Affordable 3-Bedroom on Van Ettan.
RMLS #080‑06‑0025
Call Becci: (989) 820-5912
Remodeled Storefront in High Traffic Area.
AuSable Canal. RMLS #080-07-0047
Call Becci: (989) 820-5912
2-Bedroom Log Home with 2-Car Garage.
RMLS #080-08-0011
Call Becci: (989) 820-5912
Remodeled 2-Bedroom. Recreation area.
NOW $69,500 RMLS #080-07-0052
Call Becci: (989) 820-5912
3-Bedroom Ranch. Great kitchen. Move-in
ready. Walk to forest and AuSable River
beach. REDUCED! NOW $62,000
RMLS #080‑08‑0001
Call Penny: (989) 305-0437
Remodeled 4-Bedroom, 2½ Bath on Cedar Lake.
RMLS #080-08-0007 Call Becci: (989) 820-5912
Charming Year ‘Round Cottage w/ 100’ on Lake
Huron. RMLS #080‑06‑0042
Call Becci: (989) 820-5912
Beautiful 3-Bedroom, Totally Redone using
only high-quality products.
RMLS #080‑08‑0006 Call Becci: (989) 820-5912
4-Bedroom Ranch. Some hardwood floors.
Close to all recreational areas.
RMLS #080‑08‑0005
Call Penny: (989) 305-0437
Working Marina - Remodeled.
RMLS #080‑07‑0046 Call Becci: (989) 820-5912
HUGE REDUCTION! MOTIVATED SELLER!!!
Motel/Apartments with Pool in Tawas.
$450,000 RMLS #080‑07‑0001
Call Becci: (989) 820-5912
Van Etten Lake frontage of 194 ft!
Spacious ranch home on over 1 acre.
RMLS #080-08-0016 Call Penny: (989) 305-0437
Golfer’s Delight! Two lots on “The Serradella”
Golf Course. Cedar Lake access close.
RMLS #080-08-0012
Call Penny: (989) 305-0437
In-Town, Cozy 2-Bedroom.
RMLS #080‑07‑0037 Call Becci: (989) 820-5912
NO PILLS
NO SURGERY
• Relieves acute and chronic pains
• Stimulates nerve function
• Increases the speed, quality and tensile strength
• Develops collagen and muscle tissue
of tissue repair
• Helps generate new and healthy cells and tissue
• Increases blood supply
• Promotes faster wound healing and clot formation
• Stimulates the immune system
• Reduces inflammation
(989) 739-1630
ILUMINAandHEALING
PAIN MANAGEMENT
Low Level Laser Treatment Microlite 830
111 E. Dwight St. Oscoda, MI
Maggie Martella, Ph.D.
USELESS
TRIVIA
Scientists say the higher
your I.Q. The more you
dream.
The average human
dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
You use 200 muscles to
take one step.
The journey of a
thousand miles begins
with a broken fan belt
and leaky tire.
Stop the Pain
TREE AT THE LIMPOPO RIVER
( AFRICA)
The tree and the art carved into it are amazing!
n
17
Hanging Baskets $9
Flower & Vegetable
Flats 2 for $10
All Your Planting &
Gardening Supplies!
2236 US-23, Greenbush, MI 48738 (989) 724-5393
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your
left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and
gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill
in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into
mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind
sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy
pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left
arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force
jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right
forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse
from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear
paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with
one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub
cat’s throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note
to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and
vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with
pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to
take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from
carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic
band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to
cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away
and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little bastard’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and
bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed.
Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it.
Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes
pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new
table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop
to see if they have any hamsters.
How To Give A Dog A Pill
Sales & Service • Parts & Accessories
Apparel • Sunglasses
228 S. State St. • Oscoda
989-739-4844
Skateboard
Decks, Wheels &
Trucks
We Carry:
BMX, Mountain,
Racing, Comfort,
Beach Cruisers,
Tandems & Trikes
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
Business for Sale
Bar and Grill with
3-Bedroom Home
and 4 lots
in Harrisville.
(989) 724-6641
18
n
Leading the Way
in Comfort
Specializing In
In-Floor Radiant Heating
Geothermal Heating and Cooling
Carrier Central Heating and Cooling
ALSO OFFERING THE BEST IN:
Hydronic Baseboard t Domestic Hot Water
Ice & Snow Melt t Gas Furnaces
Air Conditioning t Heat Pumps
Whole House Hepa Filtration t The Perfect Window
130 E. Ainsley
Hale, MI 48739
(989) 728-5955
Richard’s Pharmacy, Gifts & Variety
Main Street, Harrisville
(989) 724-5178
Scrapbooking, Office & Computer Supplies
Crafts, Floral, Yarn, Floss & Buttons
BatteriestLight BulbstHousewares
Gifts & SouvenirstHoliday Decorations
Hanes Sweats, T-Shirts & Socks
CardstCandiestStover Candy
Marbie’s Nutrition
Your Complete Health Food Store!
402 Lake Street
Tawas City, MI 48763
(877) 879-8726
Visit Us at www.colvinsheating.com
989-362-4371
I’ve learned ... That when you
harbor bitterness, happiness
will dock elsewhere.
I’ve learned ... That when
you’re in love, it shows.
you plan to get even with
someone, you are only letting
that person continue to hurt
you.
I’ve learned ... That I wish
I could have told my Mom
that I love her one more time
before she passed away.
I’ve learned ... That being
kind is more important than
being right.
I’ve learned ... That you
should never say no to a gift
from a child.
(989) 739-5474
I’ve learned ... That no
matter how serious your life
requires you to be, everyone
needs a friend to act goofy
with.
wExcavating
wBulldozing
wDemolition
1779 North US23, East Tawas, Michigan 48730
Now Here’s a Classic...
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital.
The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
I’ve learned ... That
sometimes all a person needs
is a hand to hold and a heart
to understand.
I’ve learned ... That simple
walks with my father around
the block on summer nights
when I was a child did
wonders for me as an adult.
I’ve learned ... That life is
“Doctor,” says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his
like a roll of toilet paper. The
heavily bandaged hands. “Will I be able to play the piano when closer it gets to the end, the
these bandages come off?”
faster it goes.
“I don’t see why not,” replies the doctor.
“That’s funny,” says the man. “I wasn’t able to play it before.”
I’ve learned ... That we
should be glad God doesn’t
give us everything we ask for.
I’ve learned ... That money
doesn’t buy class.
Visit us at our web site:
www.moosetalesgifts.com
email: moosetales@kwcom.net
989-724-7555
Hubbard Lake Coffee
Now Available
• McCall’s Candles - New Scents!
• Up-North Home Décor
• A Little Christmas Year ‘Round
July Hours:
Open Monday-Friday 10-5
Sat 11-3 • Closed Sunday
108 N. State St • Box 98 • Harrisville, MI 48740
At this point, they notice that
a greyhound dog has been
sitting there listening. “I don’t
mean to boast,” says the
greyhound, “but in my last 90
races, I’ve won 88 of them!”
I’ve learned ... That to ignore
the facts does not change the
facts.
I’ve learned ... That having a
child fall asleep in your arms
is one of
the most peaceful feelings in
the world.
wSeptic Tanks
wDrainfields
wPorta Potties
wSeptic Pumping
“Oh that’s good, but in the
last 36 races, I’ve won 28!”,
says another, flicking his tail.
I’ve learned ... That the best
classroom in the world is at
the feet of an elderly person.
I’ve learned ... That just one
person saying to me, ‘You’ve
made my day!’ makes my day.
SCOTT
SEPTIC SERVICE
Another horse breaks in,
“Well in the last 27 races, I’ve
won 19!!”
The horses are clearly
amazed. “Wow!” says one,
after a hushed silence. “A
talking dog.”
Hours:
Monday-Friday 10am - 5:30pm
Saturday 10am-5pm
Answer on on page 27
State Licensed
Some race horses are in a
stable. One of them starts to
boast about his track record.
“In the last 15 races, I’ve won
8 of them!”
I’ve learned ... That it’s those
small daily happenings that
make life so spectacular.
I’ve learned ... That under
everyone’s hard shell is
someone who wants to be
appreciated and loved.
I’ve learned ... That love, not
time, heals all wounds.
I’ve learned ... That the
easiest way for me to grow as
a person is to surround myself
with people smarter than I
am.
I’ve learned ... That everyone
you meet deserves to be
greeted with a smile.
I’ve learned ... That no one is
perfect until you fall in love
with them.
I’ve learned ... That life is
tough, but I’m tougher.
I’ve learned ... That
opportunities are never lost;
someone will take the ones
you miss.
I’ve learned ... That one
should keep his words both
soft and tender, because
tomorrow he may have to eat
them.
I’ve learned ... That a smile
is an inexpensive way to
improve your looks.
your newly born grandchild
holds your little finger in his
little fist, that you’re hooked
for life.
I’ve learned ... That everyone
wants to live on top of
the mountain, but all the
happiness and growth occurs
while you’re climbing it.
I’ve learned ... That the less
time I have to work with, the
more things I get done.
Your Cash Connection
The Coin Connection, Inc.
We Buy and Sell U.S.
Coins and Currency,
Gold and Silver Boullion
Hours: Monday-Friday 10am to 6pm, Saturday 10am to 3pm
5103 North US23, Oscoda, MI 48750
In Little Caesar’s Plaza
(989) 739-3900
We Buy and Sell Coins • Coin Supplies • Free Appraisals
Pontoon
Rental to
S p or Call
Gordon’s
Hunting &
ORV
Licenses
BAIT & TACKLE
Minnows w Crawlers w Waxworms w Leafworms w Crickets w Crayfish
Campfire Wood w Pop w Snacks
OPEN 7 DAYS • Daylight to Dark - Just Stop In!
6075 N. M‑65, Glennie at the AuSable River & Five Channels Dam
(989) 728-2248
“Did you know with DishDVR
you can automatically record all
of your favorite shows?”
DISH Network
THaN
TiVo
®
Best
HD DVR
CNET (cnet.com review
on 10/03/07)
Get more of the television you love for less:
DISH Network offers over 100 top channels
UpgRaDe
for just $32.99/mo.
FRee
$5.98/mo DVR Service Fee applies.
AUTO RECORD
SERIES
Only DISH Network offers
all of these options:
100% all-digital packages and picture
$2999
3
99
paCKageS
STaRTiNg aT
America’s Top 100
Over 100 Channels!
32FRee
$
mo
SaVe
$120
MoNTHS
NoT a
pRomoTioNal pRiCE
MONTH
PROGRAMMING
Free DVR or HD DVR Receiver Upgrade
with 24-month commitment
(monthly $5.98 DVR fee)
FRee
Frank Caliendo
Comedian
Free Standard
Professional Installation
standard
Professional
Installation
up to 4 rooms
(989) 471-2552
PROTRONICS
11904 U.S. 23 South • Ossineke
Call Toll Free For Details 1-877-686-4993
SLICKS1568A
www.4protronics.net
3 Months Free offer: requires participation in Digital Home Advantage with 24-month commitment and qualifying programming, including America’s Top 100 or higher, DishLATINO or higher, dishHD package or a select qualifying International package. Customer
receives three credits of $39.99 each, applied to the first, tenth and twentieth months of service. Customer must maintain qualifying programming service to receive all three credits.
Digital Home Advantage: Requires 24-month qualifying programming purchase, Social Security Number, valid major credit card and credit approval. If qualifying service is terminated prior to end of 24-month period, a cancellation fee equal to the lesser of
$240 or $10 per cancelled month of service will apply. Equipment must be returned to DISH Network upon termination of qualifying service. Limit 4 tuners per account. Monthly package price includes an equipment rental fee of $5.00 or $7.00 for first receiver,
based on selected model. A monthly equipment rental fee of $5.00 or $7.00 will be charged for each receiver beyond the first, based on selected model. A $5.00/mo. additional outlet programming access fee applies for each dual-tuner receiver; fee will be
waived monthly for each such receiver continuously connected to Customer’s phone line. HD programming requires HD receiver and HD television (sold separately). Customer must subscribe to qualifying HD programming or a $7.00/mo. HD Enabling fee will
apply. Lease upgrade fee may apply for select receivers (based on model).
Offer ends 7/31/08 and is available in the continental United States for new, first-time DISH Network residential customers. All prices, packages and programming subject to change without notice. Local and state sales taxes may apply. Where applicable,
equipment rental fees and programming are taxed separately. All DISH Network programming, and any other services that are provided, are subject to the terms and conditions of the promotional agreement and Residential Customer Agreement, available
at www.dishnetwork.com or upon request. Local channels packages by satellite are only available to customers who reside in the specified local Designated Market Area (DMA). Local channels may require an additional dish antenna from DISH Network,
installed free of any charges with subscription to local channels at time of initial installation. Social Security Numbers are used to obtain credit scores and will not be released to third parties except for verification and collection purposes only or if required
by governmental authorities. All service marks and trademarks belong to their respective owners.
T H U N D E R S TO R M S
A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was
questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school.
As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with lightning. The mother of
the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home
from school and she feared the electrical storm might harm her child. Full of concern,
the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child’s school. As she
did she saw her little girl walking along. At each flash of lightning, the child would stop,
look up, and smile. Another and another flash of lighting followed quickly and with each
the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile. When the mother’s car drew up
beside the child she lowered the window and called to her “What are you doing?” The
child answered “I am trying to look pretty because God keeps taking my picture.”
Tr e a s u r e s F o r e v e r
(989) 876-6385 • P.O. Box 566 AuGres, MI 48703
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of
sausages and fats,
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is
apparently what kills you.
Look for the
Big Red Barn on US-23
South of AuGres.
Owners:
Chris & Debbie Boensch
AmishOak
Crafted
Items
• Hickory
• Cherry • Maple
Oak • Hickory • Cherry • Maple
• Tables & Chairs • Beds & Mattresses • Curios & Hutches • End Tables
• Tables
& Chairs • Beds & Mattresses • Curios & Hutches
• Coffee Tables • Sofa Tables • Heritage Lace • Unique Gift Ideas
End Tables • Coffee Tables • Sofa Tables
Heritage Lace • Homemade Soy Candles • Unique Gift Ideas
Webkinz
• Hand Dipped Chocolates
• Homemade Fudge
• Sugar Free Chocolate
• Custom Gift Baskets Available
• “Miniature” Chocolate /Caramel Apples
• Chocolate Covered Fruit
• Chocolate Catering for Your Special Occasions
• Holiday Chocolates & Bagged Candy
★
★
GREAT
(We have a huge selection)
VALENTINE’S
We Have a Huge Selection of $ 00
Buy 2 Large Webkinz for 20
AND
Large
- Just $10
EASTERWebkinz
SAVE
10%
time offer)
GIFTS!! (limited
ON ACCESSORIES & LIL KINZ
All Other Webkinz & Accessories 10% OFF
Also in Stock
Including
g
o
r
F
Lil
Kinz
•
Clothing
• Mouse Pads • Necklaces
ove
OPEN
7
DAYS
19
For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final
word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth
after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
Home
Accents
Home
Accents
• Amish Crafted Items
SHIPPIN
AVAILAB G
LE
n
– George Carlin
BetteR
SLICKS.1568 NEVERMISS FRANK A
“1/4 Page”
3 columns x 10.5” SAU = 31.5 column inches
6 7/16” x 10 1/2”
More channels for less money.
It’s about time.
“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things
that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t
have time for all that.”
SAU; Standard Advertisings Units
Anything
L
Lil KinzNo• wClothing
• Mouse
Necklaces
Bracelets
• Lip GlossPads
• Body• Spray
& Gift Bags
& Duck ck!
Charms
•
Trading
Cards
•
Figurines
Bracelets
In Sto • Lip Gloss • Body Spray & Gift Bags
Expires
3/31/08
Charms • TradingOffer
Cards
• Figurines
A frog telephones the
Psychic Hotline and is
told, “You are going to
meet a beautiful young
girl who will want to
know everything about
you.”
The frog says, “This is
great! Will I meet her at
a party, or what?”
“No,” says the psychic.
“Next semester in her
biology class.”
“Always end the
name of your
child with a
vowel, so that
when you yell the
name will carry.”
– Bill Cosby
20
n
Breakfast - Free Word Search Puzzle
Rollway Canoe Rental
on the AuSable River
For the Kids
START
We Drive You Upstream,
You Float Down at Your Leisure
http://www.pu
Free Printable Word Search Puzzles
Breakfast
Word Search
Find and circle all of the Breakfast foods that are hidden in the grid.
The words may be hidden in any direction.
“What’s for Breakfast?”
Tubes • Canoes • Kayaks • Cottages
6160 Rollways Rd at M‑65, Hale, MI
(989) 728-3322
www.RollwayResort.com
A-1 Woods & Waters
July 15 - Aug 15: Apply for Antlerless Licenses
All Hunting and Fishing Licenses
Live Bait * Carhartt Clothing
Rifles * Handguns * Ammo
Now
Featuring
Ladies
Carhartt
742-3878
BACON
HONEY
BACON
BAGELS
JAMJAM
BAGELS
JUICE
CEREAL
JUICE
CEREAL
MILK
EGGS
MILK
EGGS
MUFFINS
GRANOLA
MUFFINS
GRANOLA
OATMEAL
HASH
BROWNS OATMEAL
HASH BROWNS
OMELETS
HONEY
END
OPEN 7 DAYS
141 North State St. • Hillman
Visit Us at www.a1woodsandwaters.com
Unscramble the
Words
1 of 2
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it
creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by
outside.
“What’s going on?” she yells out the window.
“Cow on the track!” replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, “What happened?
Did we catch up with the cow again?”
“Animals”
1. ntepeloa________________
2. tpehlaen________________
3. ezlalge_________________
4. bnibog___________________
5. rgfefia__________________
6. yahen___________________
7. lacjka___________________
8. oakognar_______________
9. zalrdi___________________
10. npgenui________________
11. abzer___________________
Now in Our 28th Year in Business!
Hasty Manufacturing, Inc.
Sherni’s Candies
Home of the Chocolate
Covered Potato Chip!
Sherni’s Candies Also Available at
Pockrandt’s, Oscoda
Brian’s Fruit Market, West Branch
Nester Creek, Prescott
Crossroads, Whittemore
Party Trays
Available
No Order Too Big
or Too Small
Chocolate-Covered
Fresh Berries
MADE HERE FRESH DAILY:
Real Chocolate
Milk-Dark-White
Butter Crunch • Fudge
Peanut Brittle • Roasted Nuts
Chocolate Covered Cashews
Old Fashioned Sea Foam
Maple Walnut Cremes
Chocolate-Covered Peanut
Butter Pretzels
Truffles and More...
OPEN 9 A.M. to 5 P.M.
7 DAYS A WEEK
35 North M65, at M55
Whittemore, Michigan 48770
989-756-3691
Keith, Sherry, and Brad Hasty
Cymbals
Behringer
Guitar Amplifiers
Pro Audio and
PA Systems
131 Newman St.
(989) 362-3766
Tube Amps
Guitar Hot Rodding
and Repair...Amps Too!
Super Sustainer
Guitars
Drum Sale
Complete Package
Incl. Cymbals & Hardware
Tremolo Systems
GUITARS
12. hectahe________________
1. antelope, 2. elephant, 3. gazelle,
4. gibbon, 5. giraffe, 6. hyena,
7. jackal, 8. kangaroo,
9. lizard, 10. penguin, 11. zebra,
12. cheetah
Jack Smith - Owner
105 S. Second, Lincoln, MI
ASE Master Certified Technicians
Mastercard, Visa
Speed Isn’t
Everything
A C-130 was lumbering along
when a cocky F-16 flashed by.
The jet jockey decided to show
off.
The fighter jock told the C-130
pilot, ‘watch this!’ and promptly
went into a barrel roll followed
by a steep climb. He then
finished with a sonic boom as
he broke the sound barrier.
The F-16 pilot asked the C130 pilot what he thought of
that?
The C-130 pilot said, ‘That
was impressive, but watch
this!’
OMELETS PANCAKES
PANCAKES
PORRIDGE
PORRIDGE
SAUSAGES
SAUSAGES
TOAST
TOAST
WAFFLES
WAFFLES
YOGURT
YOGURT
Kids Recipe
Did you enjoy this puzzle? Visit: http://www.puzzles.ca/wordsearch.html
Frozen Pineapple Pops
As with all kids activities, preparation of this recipe
should be supervised by an adult.
Ingredients:
* 2 c. plain yogurt
* 1/2 c. canned crushed pineapple (packed in its
own juice instead of packed in syrup)
* 1 can frozen pineapple or orange-pineapple
juice concentrate, thawed
Utensils:
* medium-sized bowl
* mixing spoon
* small paper cups
* plastic wrap
* wooden popsicle sticks (available at craft
stores)
* measuring cups
Directions:
1. Drain the can of crushed pineapple so all the
juice runs out.
2. Put all the ingredients in a medium-sized bowl
and mix them together.
3. Spoon the mixture into the paper cups. Fill
them almost to the top.
4. Stretch a small piece of plastic wrap across the
top of each cup.
5. Using the popsicle stick, poke a hole in the
plastic wrap. Stand the stick straight up in the
center of the cup.
6. Put the cups in the freezer until the mixture is
frozen solid.
7. Remove the plastic wrap and peel away the
paper cup.
Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You’ve already removed my
spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only
came to see if you could get me out of this place!
Doctor: I am, bit by bit.
Karpp’s Oscoda RadioShack Dealer
FULL-LINE RADIOSHACK
Wireless
Authorized Agent
Enjoy movies, sports,
news & more on over 70
national HD channels
5737 N. US‑23 #4, Oscoda, MI 48750
Located in Oscoda Commons next to K-Mart
Prepaid Time Available
Open 9-5 Mon. thru Sat.
(989) 739-2111
The C-130 droned along for
about 5 minutes and then the
C-130 pilot came back on and
said: ‘What did you think of
that?’
Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked,
‘What did you do?’
The C-130 pilot chuckled. ‘I
stood up, stretched my legs,
walked to the back, went to
the bathroom, then got a cup
of coffee and a cinnamon bun.’
101 Sable Street, Alpena
989-766-0048
Hours: Mon-Fri, Noon to 5pm
USELESS
TRIVIA
Men without hair on their
chests are more likely to get
cirrhosis of the liver than
men with hair.
The acid in your stomach
is strong enough to
dissolve razor blades.
MAGGIE’S GIFTS
Home & Garden Décor • Infant Gifts
A Large Selection of the Latest Trends in Jewelry, Priced Right
Many Unique & Whimsical Gifts for All Occasions
Tattoos by Scott Myers
819 W. Chisholm Street, Alpena
989-464-6826
Body Piercing
Only $15 thru July ‘08
Open Daily 10-5 • Sunday 11-3
Harbortown Marketplace - 410 Main St, Harrisville
(989-724-7566
Mon - Sat Noon to 7pm
866-544-9800 Toll Free
restoration services
fire • water • smoke
mold • mildew
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Daily Lunch & Dinner Specials
Sunday Night
Pan-Fried Perch
Served w/ French Fries
and Cole Slaw $10.95
Monday Night
½ Slab of Baby Back BBQ Ribs
Served w/ Tossed Salad
& Baked Potato $10.95
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and
help with the housework.
‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help
with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.. This floor
exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the
Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Beginners Welcome • Mid-Week Specials
Families Welcome
Children 12 & Under Play Free with a Paying Adult Anytime
2687 Swede Rd, Spruce, MI 48762 • (989) 471-8010
2% GALLON MILK
$2.99 EVERYDAY!!!
LIQUOR • LOTTO
COLD BEER • GROCERIES
SNACKS
PROPANE EXCHANGE
1. Peace of mind
2. Peace of heart
3. Peace of soul
PLANT THREE ROWS OF
SQUASH:
1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
PLANT FOUR ROWS OF
LETTUCE:
1. Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another
NO GARDEN IS WITHOUT
TURNIPS:
TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN
WE MUST HAVE THYME:
4199 Werth Rd.
Alpena, MI 49707
989-354-4798
Locally Owned and Operated
Open 7 Days
Lunch 11:30-3:30, Dinner 4:30-9:30
Dine-in or Carry-out
739-1518 • 111 East Dwight in Downtown Oscoda
Classes Now Available
PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS
1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help one another
PAYDAY
ADVANCE
NOW AVAILABLE
24-Ho
ur
Emerg
ency
Servic
e
Relaxed Fine Dining & Spirited Drink
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
Open 9-6 Daily
989-356-9800 Phone
989-356-9801 Fax
Serving All of Northern Lower Michigan
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Come and Enjoy
Our Scenic
Golf Course
21
www.StrongStyleTattoo.com
Webkinz
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City ,
where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the
instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store
operates:
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as
the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch.
You may choose any ma n from a particular floor, or you may
choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except
to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On
the first floor the sign on the door reads:
n
1. Thyme for each other
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends
WATER FREELY WITH
PATIENCE AND CULTIVATE
WITH LOVE. THERE IS MUCH
FRUIT IN YOUR GARDEN
BECAUSE YOU REAP WHAT
YOU SOW. NOT BAD, HUH?!
Open to the Public for...
Haircuts $5 ~ Shampoo & Set $5 ~ Perms starting at $30
Manicures $5 ~ Pedicures $15
All Services Performed by Senior Students
5737 N. US‑23, Oscoda
In the Commons Plaza, next to K-Mart
e
Complet
ing
h
it
m
s
Gun
(989) 739-1956
LUND’S
G
A
HALL OUTDOORS
Apprais
a
Estate B ls
uying
guns ~ buy ~ sell ~ trade
Paying Cash for new and used guns
4999 M-72
Harrisville, MI 48740
(989) 724-5599
OPEN 7 DAYS
Glennie Party Store
Home of the Beer Den
A Great Variety of Ice-Cold Domestic & Import Beer
Liquor * Lotto * Cigarettes * Snacks * Sodas * Videos
Bait & Tackle
3289 State Rd.(M65) in Glennie
989-735-2156
22
n
My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he
was 60. Now he’s 97 years
old
and we don’t know where
he is.
Call Today for a Free In-Home Appointment
401 N. State St., Oscoda • 739-2770
“If you can’t convince them,
confuse them.”
– Harry S. Truman
SUMMER’S HERE - time to tune your ‘toon
Pickup and Delivery Available
Call for Appointment
Servicing All
Makes & Models
Over 20 Years Serving
Northeast Michigan
The only reason I would
take up walking is so that I
could hear heavy breathing
again.
I have to walk early in the
morning, before my brain
figures out what I’m doing..
I joined a health club last
year, spent about 400
bucks.
Haven’t lost a pound.
Apparently you have to go
there.
– George Carlin
• Drapery and Top Treatments
• Vertical and Horizontal Blinds • Cellular
• Silhouettes • Luminette • Vignette
• Screen Shades • Woven Woods
• Home Décor • Wallpaper • We Do It All!
I like long walks,
especially when they are
taken by people who annoy
me.
“Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put
things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting
has already been established.”
Thoughts on
Exercise
Branham’s Jewelry
5226 North US‑23
Oscoda, MI
739-1341
219 Newman St.
East Tawas, MI
362-3674
Since
1959
302 West Houghton Ave.
West Branch, MI
345-5710
U.S. Pat. No. 7,007,507 • © • All rights reserved
Every time I hear the dirty
word ‘exercise’,
I wash my mouth out with
chocolate.
1109 W. AuSable Rd.
Old US-23
Oscoda, MI 48750
(989) 739-5580
E-MAIL: boatdocoscoda@yahoo.com
Appliance Outlet & More
Sales & Service
HOT WATER HEATERS
ANY NEW HOT WATER
HEATER...$150
Your Choice
GENERATORS • BBQ GRILLS • LAWNMOWERS
SCRATCH & DENT
50% the Cost of New!
1193 Lake St • Tawas, MI 48763
BUS: 989.984.0100
FAX: 989.984.0120
Answer to Crossword
I do have flabby thighs,
but fortunately my stomach
covers them.
The advantage of exercising
every day is so when you
die, they’ll say, ‘Well, she
looks good doesn’t she.’
If you are going to try crosscountry skiing, start with a
small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise
the last few years,......
just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we
get older, because there’s a
lot more information in our
heads.
That’s my story and I’m
sticking to it.
from page 12
“Billy and the Kid”
Sponsored by
Call 1-800-BUY-GLOE
for All Your Office Equipment Solutions
Here is something not many of us get to see, unless you live near
there - Mt.St. Helens at sunrise.
Mt. St. Helens continues to spew ash, while it is forming a lava dome
in the crater and still having minor tremors. Here in this sunrise shot,
she appears to be blowing smoke rings (and anything so benign is
welcomed, given recent history).
What forms the ‘smoke rings’ is the air flowing over the mountain
getting pushed up higher as it goes up and over the top. The moisture
content and initial temperature are just right so that the moisture
condenses from a vapor to small particles at the higher altitude. When
the moving air moves past the peak and comes down again, the
particles evaporate back to an invisible vapour. The two ‘pancakes’
describe that there are two layers of air for which this is happening,
thus making this awesome picture possible.
We Would
LOVE Some
of Your
Business!
Some of the Very Few
Benefits of Alzheimer’s
5. You never have to watch
reruns on television.
4. You are always meeting
new people.
3. You don’t have to remember
the whines and complaints of
your spouse.
2. You can hide your own
Easter eggs.
1. Mysteries are always
interesting.
Billy the boxer
has become the
constant companion of the 12-day
old kid called Lilly.
He sleeps with the
goat, licks her clean,
and protects her
from any dangers
at Pennywell Farm
wildlife centre at
Buckfastleigh, near
Totnes, Devon.
The kid was abandoned by her mother when she was only
a few hours old and adopted by paternal Billy when his owner
Elizabeth Tozer began hand rearing the goat.
The unusual bond has developed over the last month and
the pair are now inseparable.
Elizabeth said: “Lilly follows Billy around which is really quite
amusing to watch and Billy sleeps with the goat and cleans her
mouth after she feeds.”
Lilly was the smallest of a litter of three kids and her mother
abandoned her because she could only care for the two stronger ones. The pair have attracted quite a crowd at the animal
centre and the staff are keen to see how their relationship will
develop.
This property will get your
attention right away Close to US23
Lake Huron and the Mighty Au
Sable River. with 2car att garage
and 24x32Det garage.Decking in
Back and Covered Porch. A Great
Place to spend your time and
enjoy all this Four Season Resort
Area has to offer Come View this
property You may want to LEASE
with OPTION To BUY. Lets TALK.
$95,000 MLS #115728
Wooded lot close to the
beautiful rifle river for canoeing,
fishing, or swimming. $7,000
MLS #116751
3 bedroom 2 bath home on 1
acre with Land contract terms.
$3,500 down at $625.00 per
month with a 3 year balloon,
subject to purchase price.
$69,000 MLS #119310
Awesome 3 bedroom Home
on Lake Huron! Currently in a
vacation rental program! Try before
you buy! Rent one week and
apply that towards the purchase
price! What a great way to get a
feel for the home! $340,000 MLS
#119465
5 Bedroom home with almost
3 acres in nice country setting,
plenty of room to have a garden,
and a large pole barn to store all
your toys. $83,000 MLS #119426
3 bedroom Lakefront home,
Nice sandy beach! Currently in our
vacation rental program, try before
you buy! Rent it for a week and
get a true feel of what it will be like
to own your own lakefront home.
Property is also known as Amazing
View. $375,000 MLS #119389
Lease with Option Great 2‑3
Bedroom home in a country
setting! Call office for details.
$93,500 MLS #113953
This perfect year around cottage
with 55 ft. of Lake front, has newer
roof, siding, windows,furnace,
plumbing & electric updated.
$235,000 MLS #119067
4 bedroom log cabin with guest
cottage on a wooded acre, with
102 ft. of lakefront. the view of Lake
Huron is mesmorizing. Call today
for an appointment. $335,000
MLS #119226
n
23
Turn key home! 3 bedroom
2 bath home on Lake Huron!
Currently in a rental program,
apply your first weeks stay
towards the purchase price
if terms and conditions are
accepted. Call us for details.
$295,000 MLS #119152
You will feel very LUCKY to own
this much home and property for
a low price.This newly remodeled
vinyl home offers new drywall,
insulation,
paint,
electrical,
windows, baths, kitchen, and
hardwood floors in the dining
room. Two wall furnaces along
with a wood burning stove.
Great front covered porch and
a side deck all on a oversize
city lot. The extra large garage
with electricity overlooks a great
garden area. Close to school,
hospital and walk to Tawas River.
Walk to Tawas City Beautiful
Beach. $77,777 MLS #117100
HUNTING LAND
40 wooded acres. Great Hunting
area! This 40 To be split from the 80
acres. $83,000 MLS #119459
www.perfectlanding.org
Call JOYCE HOOK, Broker
Office: 989-724-5711 • Toll Free: 800-655-5735
“Sell” Phone: 727-505-2166 • Home: 989-724-7249
e-mail: joycehook@hotmail.com
430 S. US-23 • Harrisville, MI 48740
Quaint 2 bedroom home, just minutes from
Lake Huron, the Harbor, fishing and hunting, is
the perfect up north get-a-way. Sitting on a large
99 x 290 lot, features include a fireplace for those
chilly nights, an attached garage and a large utility
room. Small but cozy. $49,900 #R1252JH
Here is a golden opportunity to own your
own business and not worry about the actions
of an employer. This total package includes
3 successful businesses, a spacious home
that features a great room, library, office, bar
room with built in grill, new windows and well
in 2006. The print shop business has a great
reputation and thrived for 30 years. All the
quipment, machines and tools are included.
Most tools and machines are included for
the woodworking shop. A kiln for drying wood
is included. All this on a beautiful groomed
landscape where US-23 brings customers
right by your doorstep. $395,000 #R1323JR
Deer and Bear, Oh My!! Fabulous hunting
parcel! This well wooded, square 40 acre parcel
comes with 3 deer blinds all ready to go. Nice
high and dry front ridge would be a great place
to build that lodge. Get ready for the hunting
season - call today. $90,900 #R1029JH
Great home on Cedar Lake features knotty
pine interior, enclosed lakeside porch, patio,
dock - most furnishings stay. Deep Lot.
$169,000 #R1255JH
4 Bedroom, 2 Bath Brick Ranch - Large country
kitchen/dining room w/ built-in appliances, lots of
cupboard space. Spacious LR w/ picture window.
Lots of closet space. Partially finished basement w/
2 bedrooms and 3/4 bath. 2 car attached garage w/
openers. Screen room on back of house. Hot water
baseboard heat. Updated electric. Sits on a nice corner
lot just minutes away from schools and downtown
Oscoda. Listed below SEV. $89,900 #R1302JH
Great year round home on Cedar Lake.
Good view of the lake from the living room dining area and kitchen. Nice sandy bottom.
Dock included. $159,000 #1248JH
This well maintained year around home has
2 bedrooms upstairs with full bath. First floor
includes 1 bedroom, full bath, living room with
wood fireplace, dining area, kitchen with breakfast
bar, and includes a slider door to large deck on the
lakeside. Some of the features include Anderson
windows, 4+/- ft block crawl space, newer roof on
garage, 2nd well for watering yard, steel seawall
and dock. This home comes with a rolling, wooded
50 x 728 lot and two sheds across the road. Truly
a must see!! $199,900 #R1158BJ
Great 86± acre parcel with the Pine River
running through it. Perfect for the outdoor
sportsman who likes to hunt and fish. Has some
nice building spots. $189,900 #R1094JK
100 Ft of Lake Huron frontage and a good building
site feature one of these two lots. A lot 100 x 300
on the west side of Lakeshore Drive gives plenty of
room for a pole barn for all your toys. Good price for
these two lots together. $149,900 #R1318JH
This beautiful ranch home was rebuilt
completely in 2002 and sits on 200 ft of Lake
Huron shoreline. Bright knotty pine, hardwood
floors, 10 skylites, ceiling fans in every room, a
large 11 x 20 master suite and 10x13 master bath
are just a few features of this wonderful property.
An 8 x 38 glassed in sun porch with ceramic tile
floor give a panoramic view of the lake. Sliders
lead you from the spacious living room to the sun
porch. The 24 x 38 pole barn has two 10 ft doors
to hold all your toys including a tall boat. A real
find for the price. $329,900 #R1317JR
Great 8.26 acre parcel for hunting or building that
“up north” cabin. Lots of deer, turkey, partridge wildlife galore! $29,900 #R1110JH
Secluded manufactured home sits on 10+/- mostly
wooded acres with a pond and an oversized pole barn
to store all the toys. Family room overlooks the pond and
woods. Full unfinished basement. Master bedroom has
walk-in closet and bathroom. $159,900 #R1313JH
Great location with a beautiful view of Lake
Huron. Two buildings for the price of one
with 159 ft on US23. Make plans to start your
business today. $64,900 #R1257JH
Lake Huron and Cedar Lake Access! A
Timberlakes Gem! This 3 bedroom home has been
extensively updated in 2007, including new siding,
roof, remodeled kitchen w/all new appliances,
recently painted, Anderson Windows, Door Wall,
and more. Furnace is 7 years old. All this sits on
2 lots with stream running across the landscaped
back yard. Private setting. Dues are $20 per year (2
lots). Ready to move into! $119,900 #R1312JH
Great location! This well maintained home sits
on 2 lots and has a large deck in the back plus
a fenced in backyard. There is a breezeway
connecting the 2 car garage to the home.
Nicely landscaped. $120,000 # R1314JH
24
n
Copper
Wire
Controversy
Save up to $590!
Participate with the Michigan
Woodstove Changeout Program!
See us for more details!
5251 North US-23, Oscoda, Michigan 48750
Phone: (989) 739-9341 • FAX (989) 739-0632
You’ll Love This Place!
3137 US. 23 South, Alpena MI 49707
Open 9-6 Mon-Fri • 9-4 Sat
(989) 356-4141 or
1-800-968-1976
After having dug to a depth
of 10 feet last year, New York
scientists found traces of a
copper-wire system dating
back 100 years, and they
came to the conclusion that
their ancestors already had a
telephone network more than
100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by New
Yorkers, in the weeks that
followed, California scientists
dug to a depth of 20 feet, and
shortly after, headlines in the
LA Times newspaper read:
‘California archaeologists have
found traces of 200 year old
copper-wire system and have
concluded that their ancestors
already had an advanced
high-tech communications
network a hundred years
earlier than the New Yorkers.’
One week later, ‘The Redneck
Rebel Gazette’ in East Texas
reported the following: ‘After
digging as deep as 30 feet in
a corn field near Hideaway,
Bubba Johnson, a self taught
archaeologist, reported that
he found absolutely nothing.
Bubba has therefore
concluded that 300 years ago,
East Texas had already gone
wireless.
HUGE
SUMMER
SALE!
Check Out
the New
Jayco
Floor Plans
with Flat
Screen
TV’s &
Electric
Awnings
“The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some
time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You
know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but
I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
– George Carlin
HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY
SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH:
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men’s
work boots, used, size 14-16.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of
Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and
magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
“Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim:
I went for more shotgun shells and to pick my check up
from the slaughterhouse. Back in an hour. Don’t mess
with the pit bulls-- don’t know what got into them, but
they attacked the mailman this morning and messed
him up real bad. I don’t think Killer took part in it
but it was hard to tell in all the
ruckus.
Anyway, I locked all four of ‘em
in the house. Better wait out
here on the porch.”
“At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death
should always be seated closest to the bathroom.”
– George Carlin
1554 US-23 • East Tawas, MI
(989) 362-2910 • 800-362-4075
All Jayco Travel Trailers and
Fifth Wheels are Clearly Marked with
Bigger-Than-Ever Discounts!
2 Year Top
to Bottom
Warranty
Factory Authorized
and Trained
Service Department
Over 50 Years of
Combined RV Experience
to Serve You Better
Ashney Properties
105 West Chisholm Street, Suite 100, Alpena, MI 49707
phone 989-358-1560 e-fax: 877-357-1560
11179 Sampson Road, Ossineke:
Move In Condition! This 3 bedroom,
1.75 bath home has been well maintained
and has had several upgrades. The roof
shingles were new in 2004 and a deep
well was drilled in 2003. This home offers
spacious rooms inside and a large yard
with river frontage outside. You can walk
out the sliding glass doors and sit on the
back deck to watch the wildlife visit the
river or walk the tree-lined path to the
river bank and dangle your feet on a hot
summer day! With a yard this size you
could build a garage, have a vegetable
or flower garden, and still have room
to build a gazebo by the river! $68,500
MLS #280547
also
Clothes-Out Store
• All Clothes & Accessories
$3.99 or Less
Why Pay More?
Open 10-5 Mon/Thurs/Fri/Sat
Hobart’s Plaza (just south of Oscoda)
401 Avery Street, Alpena: Beautifully remodeled
3 bedroom home with potential for additional bedrooms.
There is a full basement with 3 separate rooms that could
be finished to provide additional living space. Large, open
living spaces. One bedroom downstairs, two bedrooms and
an extra room upstairs that could be used for a playroom or
computer room. Walk-in closets provide all the storage room
you could want. Everything is new in this home from the light
fixtures to the flooring, wiring to plumbing, including lifetime
warranty windows. This wonderful family home sits on a full
corner lot and has a 12.5 x 22.5 detached 1 car garage. In
addition there are 3 covered decks. $90,000 MLS #280752
(989) 739-4000
Pre-Owned Furniture Barn
• Sofas • Dining • Bedroom, etc.
Used but Not Abused
335 South State Street • Oscoda, MI 48750
Website: statewideoscoda.com
www.realestate-mls.com
Beautiful 4-bedroom, 3-bath home located in quiet
neighborhood. Large open floor plan with high ceilings.
Large master bedroom and added bonus of large bedroom upstairs. Full unfinished basement for a playroom
for children or adults. $107,000 RMLS # 081-08-0015
Charming 4-bedroom, 2-bath, 2-story home located in
quiet family neighborhood. Lots of room for family and vistors. 660’ finished basement for kids or adult playroom. 2
Car Garage with loads of storage. Air Condition, gas fireplace and gas grill connected to gas line. Lots of mature
trees for shade and privacy. Must see to appreciate this
warm home. $125,000 RMLS # 081-08-0013
Hunter’s Paradise! Deer Blind included in the 20 acres of
hunting land. Deer and turkey come with property. Good
mix of trees. Mobile home in good shape, has 2 extension and 3 add ons. Garden tub and separate shower
in Master Bedroom. Kitchen has island w/ bar for added
counter space. $80,000 RMLS # 081-08-0025
25
• Clothing for the Whole Family
• Designer Labels
• Antique & Household Items
(989) 739-2050 • 800-968-4408
OF OSCODA
n
“We don’t count
success in volume, but
one satisfied customer
at a time!”
10897
Old
Ossineke
Road,
Ossineke: Have you ever wished you
had your own park for the kids to play in?
This home doesn’t have a park of its own,
but it is located directly across the street
from Shin-ga-ba Shores playground and
ball fields. What a great location to raise
your family! An unfinished room upstairs
could be converted into a third bedroom.
There is a nicely wooded acre of land
that goes with this home. The owner has
traditionally used this as a rental. It needs
some updating but will be worth your
investment. $46,500 MLS #280094
14816 Shubert Highway, Posen: Wonderfully
maintained and beautifully landscaped 3 bedroom,
2 bath home with a view of Long Lake in a quiet and
friendly neighborhood. Public access to Long Lake
nearby. Your backyard will be host to everything from
hummingbirds to deer! This home features a garden tub
in the full bath off the master bedroom and skylights in
the main bath. There is a 24 x 40 garage which has 3
car bays, a workshop and is wired with 220 amp service.
New well in 2006. This home is in move-in condition and
the flower beds are ready to bloom! $81,500
MLS #280383
Here are a few of our listings. We invite you to call, come in
or visit us on the web for more on these or other properties.
Prime Location! Located on busy US 23 and across the street
from 9 resorts. Customers can walk across the street for their
purchases. Liquor license included in sale. Living quarters
in basement, basement needs a little TLC. Inventory is not
included in Sale Price. $142,000 RMLS # 081-07-0016
Well cared for 3-bedroom brick home or cottage on Cedar Lake.
Very deep lot with room for expansion. Home comes fully furnished
with separate garage and 1995 22’ pontoon boat included. Roll out
dock also included. Everything you need to enjoy your vacation. Just
bring your clothes and have fun!!! $180,000 RMLS # 081-08-0026
Custom built dream home on beautiful Cedar Lake. Many outstanding features including, gourmet kitchen with cherry cabinets,
custom ceramic counters, top of the line appliances, oak floor and
more. Great room with trapezoid windows, cathedral ceiling, stone
fireplace, oak floor and a spectacular view of the lake. Formal
dining room with custom plaster crown moldings and ceiling
appointments. 4 season sun room or studio with ceramic floor and
fabulous view of the lake. Master bedroom suite with walk-in closet
and additional closet. Jacuzzi tub and separate shower in ceramic
tiled bath. Garage with custom hemlock door and bonus room
above garage. Too many features to mention them all. $379,000
RMLS # 081-08-0022
Terry Ann Bertone
Kim Kirvan
Ron Mathison
Kristin Sak
Steve DuBree
Lovely 3-bedroom brick ranch, sits high on a hill with a
lovely wooded view. Laminate flooring in living room and
hall. Ceramic in remodeled kitchen and baths. Huge partly
finished basement with extra room for additional bedroom/
craft room, etc. $74,900 RMLS # 081-08-0011
Boat slip fits up to a 26 ft boat. Situated in the
Condominium Marina with many amenities including:
free boat storage, fish cleaning station with grinder,
club house with showers/laundry facilities/game room.
Beautiful Lake Huron beach for all owners to enjoy.
Boat ramp/launch area. Make an offer and begin your
vacation today!! $2,500 RMLS # 081-07-0047
Spectacular setting 2 miles into the woods affords seclusion for your cottage or year-round home. This fully furnished
home comes with a large garage with garage doors on opposite sides for in-out ease. Great for your toys. Very close to
RV trails. This property is surrounded by state land and ideal
for hunting. Only a short drive to the Au Sable river. Home
is augmented by zone electric heat and insulated. $84,500
RMLS # 081-07-0033
Super Retirement home! No lawn to care for!
Deluxe 4 Bedroom 2.5 Bath Townhome. Hardwood
floors, central air, newly painted interior and large
open park that backs up to the backyard. Access
to State Land and AuSable River just down the
street. Many other amenities. Call today. $80,000
RMLS # 081-08-0024
74.5± Acres conveniently located just west of Hale with
a corner of the parcel within view of Dease Lake. Stream
runs through the property. West side of property is prime
hunting land. It also has a 900 square foot workshop with
upper living quarters and leanto. This property is agent
owned. $185,000 RMLS # 081-08-0017
VACANT LOTS
We have vacant lots
starting at $1,600 and up!
26
n
The Moment Just Before
the Pain Starts...
Stop in for a Cool New Summer ‘Do!
OPEN
Many Tanning Packages Available
9-6:00
Walk-Ins Welcome!
Mon-Fri
See Dawn, Donna, Linda, Jes, & Tammy
9-1 Sat
for All Your Family Hair Care Needs!
1. “I say we take off and nuke the
site from orbit; it’s the only way
to be sure.”
2. “My whole life is one...dark...
room.”
3. “When I came out into society
I was 15. I already knew then
that the role I was condemned
to, namely to keep quiet and
do what I was told, gave me the
perfect opportunity to listen and
observe.”
4. “Before he came down here, it
never snowed. And afterwards,
it did. I don’t think it would be
snowing now if he weren’t still up
there.”
5. “Elise, if I give you any more
collagen, your lips are going to
look like they got stuck in a pool
drain.”
6. “Marriage is just a way of
getting out of an embarrassing
pause in conversation.”
306 N. State St, Oscoda • 739-4730
JUST IN! Large Deck, Bench Storage Boxes
Tarps - Tools - Hardware - Rope
Housewares - General Merchandise
Paints - Stains - Sealers - Sandpaper
Gloves - Shepherd’s Hooks - Pet Supplies & More
Sunrise Surplus
1784 East US-23
(in Baldwin Center)
1. Aliens, 2. Beetlejuice, 3. Dangerous Liaisons,
4. Edward Scissorhands, 5. First Wives Club,
6. Four Weddings and a Funeral
LANDMARK TITLE CORP.
A Full Service Title Company
Mon-Fri 8:30-5:00
Sat 8:30-4:00
(989) 362-7033
Make sure your hair is dry before going outside...
AuSable Real Estate Services
989-739-9500
866-948-9500
989-739-9509 Fax
109 S. State Street • Oscoda, MI 48750
Property Management Services
Web: www.ausableres.com,
989-739-1928
www.realestate-mls.com
Dale & Darla
Email: ausableres@sbcglobal.net
109 South State Street, Oscoda, MI 48750
Web Site: www.LandmarkTitleCorp.com
Title Insurance w Escrow Service
Real Estate Closings
Landmark Title Corp. offers title insurance,
escrow and closing services for all of your
real estate needs. With an attorney on staff
Landmark Title Corp. is able to provide
preparation of all necessary legal documents.
Whether through a real estate professional
or on your own, Landmark Title Corp. looks
forward to assisting you with your real estate
transactions in Iosco, Alcona and Ogemaw
counties.
Rollin Hill Estates - This beautiful gated community
is perfect for your new home. Lots are ready to build
on - all underground utilities including cable, electric,
gas & city water. Close to downtown shopping &
dining, just minutes away from boating & fishing.
$21,000 to $23,000. # 539
38 Acres - Beautifully wooded vacant land in Wilber
Twp. includes a small pond PLUS it borders Federal
land on 2 sides. Lots of wildlife including deer, turkey
& small game. Would also make a great homesite ofr
the outdoors lover. $109,900 #538
AuSable River - Custom home with 3 bdrms & 3 baths
features a walk-out finished basement, finished garage,
36’ cedar deck, custom kitchen & pantry and many more
extras. Fishing, boating & swimming are right outside your
door! $349,500 #525
Investment - 5 rental units includes 3 single family
homes, a duplex & 2 garages. Homes sit on a huge 287
x 95 lot with lake access at end of road. Many updates,
great rental history, unlimited possibilities. Reduced to
$224,900. #526
Phone
(989) 739-1471
Fax
(989) 739-0606
Cedar Lake - 100’ on the canal, this lot is ready to
enjoy. The driveway is in and utilities are available at
the road. This is a must see for the low price of only
$62,000! All Lakewood Shores amenities inclluding
private beaches. Golf courses nearby. #536
Lake Huron - Immaculate 3 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath with 76’
on the big lake. Attached garage, sun/family room, plenty
of storage, gas fireplace, hardwood floors. Updates include
new brick patio, updated electric, new paint, central air,
new countertops, new breakfast bar and much more. Only
$250,000! #541
Howlin’ Sounds
& More
3382 Long Rapids Rd. - Alpena
Across from 7-Mile Dam
989-255-8197
Complete Marine &
Power Sports Repair
All Makes and Models
Taking on New Customers with
Guaranteed Lowest Prices and
Labor Rates in Northeast MI
M-F 9-6; Sat 8-5; Sun by Appointment
• Neon Lights • Vinyl Graphics
• Window Tinting • Car Audio and Alarms
• Lift & Lowering Kits • Engine Mods
ATVs and Supplies for Kids
Pickup and Delivery
Service to Anywhere
Remember...a layer of
dust protects the wood
beneath it.
A house becomes a
home when you can
write ‘I love you’ on the
furniture.
I used to spend at least
8 hours every weekend
making sure things were
just perfect - ‘in case
someone came over.’
Finally I realized one day
that no-one came over;
they were all out living life
and having fun!
NOW, when people visit,
I don’t have to explain the
‘condition’ of my home.
They are more interested
in hearing about the
things I’ve been doing
while I was away living
life and having fun.
If you haven’t figured this
out yet, please heed this
advice.
27
n
Housework was a woman’s job, but one evening, Jenny
arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load
of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner
was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished!
It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said wives
who work full-time and had to do their own housework were
too tired to get romantic.
The night went very well. The next day, she told her
office friends all about it. ‘We had a great dinner. Ralph
even cleaned up the kitchen. He helped the kids do their
homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really
enjoyed the evening.’
‘But what about afterward?’ asked her friends.
‘Oh, that ..., Ralph was too tired..’
“I’m not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but
that a PART of hell will break loose... it’ll be much
harder to detect.”
– George Carlin
“I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that
the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso.”
– Rita Rudner
Myles Insurance Agency, Inc.
624 West Lake (US-23), Tawas City, MI 48764
989-362-3425
Mike Allen
Owner
We accept
5115 N. US 23
Oscoda,
Michigan
Vehicle Pride, Inc.
YOUR HEADQUARTERS FOR:
Stainless Steel Nerf Bars - Mud Flaps
Car Care Cleaning Products - Trailer Hitches
Literider Roll-up Tonneau Covers - Graphics
Body Shop Supplies and So Much More!
Fully Insured
Ed Pasinski, Owner
It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to
steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it
10156 US-23 South, Box 94, Ossineke, MI 49766
(989) 471-5397 • 1 (800) 648-0472
but wouldn’t it be better
to paint a picture or write
a letter, bake cookies or
a cake and lick the spoon
or plant a seed, ponder
the difference between
want and need?
Dust if you must, but
there’s not much time...
with beer to drink, rivers
to swim and mountains to
climb, music to hear and
books to read, friends to
cherish and life to lead?
Dust if you must...
but the world’s out there
with the sun in your eyes,
the wind in your hair, a
flutter of snow, a shower
of rain.
This day will not come
around again.
Dust if you must, but
bear in mind, old age will
come and it is not kind.
And when you go - and
go you must - you,
yourself will make more
dust!
screen printing
New
Sun Dresses
embroidery
designer
sunglasses
NEW LOCATION:
133 N. State St, Alpena - Harborside Mall • 989-354-4400
www.inksettersgraphicdesign.com
body & mind gifts body jewelry
OPEN WEEKDAYS 8am-6pm, Sat ‘til Noon, Closed Sun
(989) 739-2039
Life is short. Enjoy it!
Dust if you must .......
incense oils handbags
TIRES-BRAKES-STRUTS-ALIGNMENTS
Custom wheels•Motorcycle tires•Lawn & garden tires
By appointment
Walk ins welcome
gift certificates available
“Providing a full line of beauty services from head to toe”
from page 18
28
n
AS YOU KNOW: The price of just about everything is skyrocketing
out of control with no end in sight. Those who are retired and living
on fixed incomes are being hurt the most. The time is coming real
soon when thousands of baby boomers and those already retired
living on pensions and fixed incomes will be forced to downsize
and cut back in order to make their money last.
PLAN NOW TO PLAN AHEAD!
Oscoda Adult Condominiums
The lowest priced elegant adult condominiums in Michigan
These condominiums are designed for active, independent adults 55 and older who
want to live on their own, but without the maintenance of a home and yard; enjoy a
lifestyle with recreational, educational and social opportunities; enjoy travel or head
south for the winter without the fear of leaving your home unattended; and want to
live in a safe and friendly atmosphere, all at a very low cost.
Prices as low as $49,900 - $99,900
Monthly Payment as Low as $534
Includes Mortgage Payment, Association Dues, Water,
Heat, Electric, Sewer, Cable & Hi-Speed Internet
Payment Based on $5,000 Down 6.5% Interest
PLAN AHEAD RESERVE YOUR CONDOMINIUM NOW!
After
5PM
800-330-5045
Many Luxurious Amenities Included:
Computer Room • Movie Theater • Card Playing Room
Fitness Room • Family Room & Library
Baking & Canning Room • Gardening Area
Half Mile to Beach & Picnic Area
Close to Downtown & 7 Golf Courses
LIMITED NUMBER OF UNITS AVAILABLE
Call today for more information 1-800-386-7133
Northern Michigan Realty 5951 Skeel Ave., Oscoda, MI 48750 • www.nmichrealty.com
4687 East F 41
Oscoda, Michigan
(989) 739-5280
or (877) 726-5280
Located on F-41 and Cedar Lake
Road at the Light.
Stop in and view all our listings!
#3440-C**3463 Cedar Lake Dr.** Cedar Lake & boat access right
across the street, Kitchen & bath remodeled, all oak cabinetry,
large living room and family room, 2 bedrooms, wooded lot (60 x
216) huge backyard, two tiered deck, storage shed, $56,000.
www.oscodarealty.com
Also Doing Property Management
3401F**A CREEK RUNS BEHIND IT! Super backyard on
Van Ettan Creek. 2 Story colonial, 4 bedroom/1¾ bath home,
2-car detached garage with a covered patio between home &
garage, lg. family room w/ fireplace, French doors lead to upper deck and lower patio, lots of potential here and this could
be a real show place. Was $107,500. NOW $84,000
Lakewood Shores Subdivision
Oscoda Realty
We Open Doors!
Rose Mary Myrick, Broker
Cell 989-464-7386
Judy Limbach, Associate Broker
989-820-6873
Connie Tanghetti
989-820-6338
William (Bill) Duncan 989-820-7165
George Cauvin
989-739-5615
Butch Green
989-569-3053
3429B**A LONG & WINDING ROAD leads to a perfect 3-bedroom,
2-bath home with fireplace in living room, appliances included, lg. deck
on lakeside, 2½ car detached garage and a 30x44 pole barn with 12’
ceiling. Property & home in fabulous condition. Lot is 784’ deep with
77” on Cedar Lake, sandy bottom and seawall. $299,000
3418F**Lake Huron - 100’ of beautiful, walkable,
sandy beach. Lg. 3-bd/2-bath home, stone fireplace,
skylights, recently updated bathrooms, open kitchen,
17x18 sunroom lakeside. 2 Cabins can be used for family overflow or as rentals. Small stream on south side,
plenty of privacy for being on Lake Huron. $319,000.
#4349 P** 5006 Christopher*** Gourages Custom built
all brick, 3 bedroom 2 bath home, pecan cabinets, large
family/living room, very well maintained lawn, sprinkler
system, central air, new 30 Yr. shingles, beautiful cement
patio in back, large storage shed, owner is a builder so
you know you are getting the best of the best. $189,900
3395-S**Good Investment property, 3 bedroom owner’s home w/ a mother-in-law apartment or rental, hardwood
flooring, newly remodeled kitchen & bathroom, private back
yard w/privacy fencing separating both properties, 2 car garage
w/9’ceiling, private drives. WAS $134,900, NOW $129,900
80 FEET ON CEDAR LAKE! A little imagination will pay
big dividends if you invest in this 5-unit apartment building and duplex. City water & nat. gas to all units. Each
unit has own elec. meter. One 1-bdrm unit, six 2-bdrm
units. 3302B $209,000
HURON SANDS CONDOMINIUMS
$89,900. Unit #101**lower end unit** 1 bedroom, 1 bath
(furnishings negotiable)
$110,000. Unit #107**upper unit** 1 bedroom, 1 bath, garage
(all furnishings INCLUDED)
$96,000. Unit #108**upper unit** 1 bedroom, 1 bath
$95,000. Unit #201**lower unit** 1 bedroom, 1 bath
$92,500. Unit #302**lower unit** 1 bedroom, 1 bath
(furnishings INCLUDED)
$92,000. Unit #406**upper unit** 1 bedroom, 1½ baths
$139,900. Unit #505**upper unit** 2 bedrooms, 1 bath (all
furnishings INCLUDED)
$102,900. Unit #905**upper unit** 1 bedroom, 1 bath, garage
(all furnishings included)
Call Today
for More Info
& a Free DVD
3438W**2-bedroom, 1¾ bath w/ full, finished basement.
Large country kitchen. 2 Fireplaces. Womlamized seawall, lawn
sprinkling system. Whether you are a fishing person or wildlife and
nature watcher, or you just want a front seat view of our yearly
canoe races, this is the house for you! $159,900
3433B**CUTE 2-BEDROOM HOME with low heating costs,
has 100 amp electric. Beautiful view of Lake Huron. $59,900
#3418 F**7556 Westwood**Big Reduction!!! Modular 3 bedroom 3 bath home, in a quiet wooded setting just off the 6th hole
of the serradella golf course, Open dining & living area, huge
windows give you a great view especially from Upstairs, 2 car
attached garage with option to have a bonus room above, 1912
s.f., fireplace, lag back deck. was $165,000. Now $149,900
3406D**COOKE DAM** This extraordinary 3-bd/2-bath home comes
w/ 2 side-by-side boat docks (lease), no high banks to climb here. Custom 2-story home, sauna shower, hardwood flooring, custom cabinets
in the kitchen, 2 dining areas, high ceilings, upper deck overlooks landscaped front yard. Plan to spend some time when viewing this home.
Reduced to $279,000. *SPECTACULAR*
Surf-n-Sand II**Lake
Huron**Nicest
&
largest condo on
this side of the
state, 2900 S.F., 4
bedrooms, 3 baths,
gourmet kitchen w/
center island, sunken
living room, fireplace,
huge master suite w/
french doors leading to upper deck, curved wall , lg. foyer w/
oak spiral staircase and chandelier hanging from upper level,
French doors also leading to lower brick patio overlooking
Lake Huron, 700’ of perfect sandy walkable beach, $415,000.
Superior Unit!!

NORTHERN ACCENTS

Transcription

Similar documents

Providence at Harbour Club

Wild, Wet and Untamed - VirginiaLiving.com

For Immediate Release: March 23, 2011

events - Shoreline Players

Offers over £430000 22 Clark Avenue

The Guide - The Property Guide

6-23 MVT 7B

Fraggle Rock, Clos Du Foulon, Le Foulon

fletchers lake - Richard Payne

Tawas Senior Center - Iosco County Commission on Aging

Copperfields, 27 Langham Road

Kalmatskaya O. A., Laptinsky C. A., Medvetskaya I.Yu., Krasnova

Oscoda AuSable Greenbush Visitors Guide

Alpena Recycling Center LLC

Toolkit - Develop Iosco

Alcona track record-breaker signs letter of intent