Germany has a propensity for coming up

HEMINGWAY’S RUNNING WITH THE BULLS• LARRY BLACKBURN | photography
july 25-31
Published Weekly
KONK Life
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COLUMNS
07 KEY HAPPENINGS
17 ARTS CALENDAR
18 AT THE TROPIC
19 THE RESTAURANT PAGE
KONK
Life
Vol. 3 No. 30
C
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N
T
E
N
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CHRISTMAS IN JULY
LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer
4 www.konklife.com
INSIDE!
Anglers compete
in the Drambuie
Key West Marlin
Tournament 2013
n
PHOTOS
page 13
Questions
persist
City has its own
Trayvon Martin
case coming up
by JOHN L. GUERRA
NEWS WRITER
Reef Relief’s
Volunteers of the Year
| LARRY BLACKBURN
In a city park named after the first
African-American postmaster general of
Florida, more than 100 people — black,
white, Hispanic, Bahamian and from other
backgrounds — held a prayer vigil Sunday
evening to express dismay at the verdict.
For the crowd at Nelson English Park in
Key West, the “Not Guilty” verdict that set
George Zimmerman free was the latest
example of judicial injustice after the slaying
of another young African American. As in
other diverse communities around the nation,
those gathered in Bahama Village expressed
dismay and angry acceptance over the jury’s
decision and vowed to seek an end to racial
profiling by police and a fearful public.
“We will accept what’s been handed down.
ough it’s not our will, it was not justice as
we know it,” Key West City Commissioner
Clayton Lopez told the crowd in opening
remarks. “e fundamental danger of this
verdict is not more riots; the fundamental
danger of the verdict is more George
Zimmermans.”
Shortly before Martin’s killing, Zimmerman, 29, told a police dispatcher he was following Martin through a Sanford neighborhood because the young man looked like a
criminal. e neighborhood had experienced
burglaries, and Zimmerman concluded that
Martin was up to no good. After an altercawww.konklife.com 5
tion created by Zimmerman’s actions, prosecutors said, Zimmerman shot Martin in the
heart. Zimmerman claimed self-defense,
something the crowd in Key West didn’t buy.
“Stand Your Ground is a law that must
be repealed,” Lopez told the crowd, which
included clergy waiting to address the crowd.
People, young and old, sat at picnic benches,
sat atop a concrete wall and stood under trees.
Some cried quietly.
When asked what she thought of the
verdict, one woman choked up and said,
“Not now. I’m sad and heartbroken.”
e slaying of Martin, 17, resonates in
Bahama Village. e community lost one
of its young black men in 2009 when he was
stabbed to death by a white man, also during
a fight. Marques Butler, 23, died after he
and some friends tussled with young people
from Hollywood in downtown Key West.
e admitted attacker, Nicholas Ferro,
allegedly used the N-word just before he
stabbed Butler.
According to prosecutors, Ferro said:
“Watch the [N-word] in the yellow shirt, he’s
going to fall, he’s going to fall hard” and
“305. at’s why I stabbed your [N-word],”
as he attacked Butler.
Ferro’s first trial ended in a mistrial. Prosecutors asked the court to let them introduce
the racial language in the second trial.
e ird District Court of Appeal in
Miami ruled April 1 that prosecutors could
not introduce Ferro’s allegedly racist language
when Ferro’s second trial begins September
16.
e Rev. Gwendolyn Magby reminded
the crowd that they, too, were awaiting justice
following the killing of a young community
| Continued on page 17
n CAMPAIGN FIGHT page 6
LOCALNEWS&O
Campaign opposition
Jimmy Weekley faces
fight from Tom Malone
by JOHN GUERRA
NEWS WRITER
Jimmy Weekley, a Key West city commissioner for 18 years and the city’s former mayor, is the only commissioner
facing opposition in this year’s election.
His opponent, Tom Malone, is best
known for his push for safer streets after
muggings in Old Town left several people hurt, including Malone. He was
jumped and beaten by teens several years
ago and was injured seriously, flown to
Miami for treatment.
Weekley and Malone are so far running a gentleman’s race and neither has
attacked the other.
“We haven’t done much campaigning,” Weekley told KonkLife. “We did an
introductory candidate forum, and he
spoke about improving public safety and
the role of police.”
Weekley, who supported thesenior
assisted living center on the Truman
Waterfront, said he is running on the
accomplishments of the past four years,
including the city’s adoption of a strategic plan. It is from the strategic plan that
planning decisions can be made. Weekley considers the city commission’s approval of a strategic plan the
realization of a long-forgotten goal.
“e city had considered a strategic
plan, but it had been shelved and forgotten about for years,” he said.
Weekley said he’s opposed to the
widening of Key West Harbor. e city
commission approved a referendum for
the October ballot that would let the
U.S. Army Corps of Engineers study
such a widening. Proponents say the
cruise industry is building larger ships
and without a widening, the city will
lose revenue those ships could provide.
Too many passengers in the city at one
time stresses residents, Weekley said.
“It will have a negative impact on residents’ quality of life,” he said. “If three
of the large ships arrive at one time, they
can drop 3,000 to 4,000 people into Old
Town. e
widening of the channel also could create silt that could damage the reef and
won’t come back.
If re-elected, Weekley said he would
push for improvements:
• Duval Street enhancement plan: Key
West’s “tourism main street” is clogged
with traffic and difficult to navigate with
delivery trucks, trash trucks, bicycles,
scooters, cars and pedestrians vying for
space.
“We are going to hear from a consultant August 1 who will show us ideas on
how to improve Duval Street. It is what
tourists come to see, and it needs
improving.”
• Bayview and other parks: Weekley
would like the city commission design and adopt a master plan for the
city’s parks to make them more inviting,
especially Bayview Park.
“is wonderful space at the entrance to Old Town has been ignored for
a number of years,” Weekley said. “I’d
like it improved so more residents use it.
It needs to be upgraded and put to better use.”
Weekley also wants to see a groundbreaking for long-promised Truman Waterfront Park within a year. “We’ve got
to get that started,” he said. According to
Weekley, the city has $2 million toward
the construction of an entertainment
amphitheater on the waterfront.
• Transportation master plan: With the
city about to hire a new transportation
director, now is the time to write a master plan to re-evaluate bus routes, design
new bike paths and investigate alternative transportation methods, Weekley
said. “We can have better public transportation. e buses can run on time.
We can make getting around Key West
easier.”
• Bicycle-friendly city buses: e transportation master plan could include getting more bicycles on buses. e bike
mounts on the front of city buses can accommodate no more than two bicycles
at a time, so Weekley wants to find a way
to get more bikes onto buses, whether
that includes more rack space or finding
a way to load bicycles inside buses.
| Continued on page 20
PINION
BOCC ROCKS!
had one of those days that perwhen you have to make 100 more desuades me there is enough wrong
cisions in a day than Bill Gates ever
with me that I indeed, yes, should
made. On day two, the BOCC covbecome a politician. I spent two days ered Big Pine Keys’ habitat issues: it’s
at political meetings. Without strong way more than the Bambi’s now.
drink! I sandwiched an all-day Board en they went on to what got my
of County Commissioners meeting
juices flowing, figuring out how to
around a nooner on the Boulevard
deny thousands of Monroe property
construction with the constructors.
owners the right to build their
You can read about the giant fist fight dream house.
that ensued in the Crime Report toMonroe Property 101 is that, bemorrow—Dean Walters has a lethal
cause the state designated us an Area
roundhouse—so I won’t cover that
of Critical Concern, we can build
here. (Just kidding. We actually made only so many properties, to avoid the
some progress.)
Boca-Ratonization of the Keys. We
I strongly disagreed with one deci- have an immensely complex, eversion the BOCC made, on the grinder changing set of rules saying who gets
pumps instead of gravity sewer systo build. When we tell people “No!,”
tems. I’ll briefly explain why, but my
some of them sue. And some win.
not agreeing with the government is
e government has decided on
so NOT news. at’s kind of like
behalf of We the People to say, for
saying I woke up breathing. e
the good of all, we are going to sort
shocking news is that I agreed with
of take away your property, specifiEVERYTHING ELSE. Remember
cally the right to build on it. If it’s for
what I said about something wrong
the good of us Peoples, then we, as
about me?
taxpayers, through the County, our
To make you care about
government, really have to
grinder pumps, here’s the
pay them back for what we
straight poop: if you don’t
took. is amounts to
evacuate in a hurricane, and
buying their property.
your power is out all week,
Buying which properthe poop will be coming
ties, when and how, is way
straight out of your porcemore complicated than
lain throne, because the
Quantum Mechanics,
pump ain’t pumping. e
which I say with authority
RICK
Aqueduct Authority has
because I studied that at
BOETTGER
been given the job of decidMIT. at’s part of why I
COLUMNIST
ing where to put more
used to think I was
so
expensive gravity sewer pipes, and
damn smart. After today, I lost that
where to put the initially-cheaper
so-smart feelin’ (sung to the Rightgrinders that have long-term upkeep
eous Brothers’ “You’ve Lost that Lovcosts.
ing Feelin’”) because I don’t think the
A really smart and experienced cit- human being has yet been invented
izen, Walter Drabinsky, has been
who can visualize six dimensions or
beating on the Commission for
comprehend Monroe property issues.
months with what for me is a very
We tried, oh, how we tried, and by
persuasive argument against the
this I mean the BOCC and their
grinders. To me, he makes a concluslaves, I mean staff. By the end of day
sive argument for at least hiring an
two, when the Commissioners were
independent analyst to arbitrate bebeing tortured by their own slaves, I
tween him and the Aqueduct Author- mean staff, to prioritize land use
ity. But only Heather votes for the
regulation changes on four levels over
one-month study. On day one of my
16 different issues, times five comtwo-day meetings marathon, I
missioners, one commissioner begged
thought they were nuts.
for the slaves to run the damn plantaOn day two, I understood why.
tion, that is give them guidance, even
| Continued on page 22
A specific kind of nuts-ness occurs
I
6 www.konklife.com
KEY HAPPENINGS
Key West Poetry Guild
Birthay Gilbert
leads the way
C.S. Gilbert
e Key West Poetry Guild
features longtime member C.S.
Gilbert at its 7 p.m. meeting
Sunday, August 4, upstairs at
Blue Heaven. e day just happens
to be the poet’s 74th birthday. She
will read from a collection in
progress on the topic of aging. In
case of rain, the meeting is postponed until the following Sunday,
August 11.
Gilbert, author of the disturbing
volume “Mother Poems” (Seastory
Press, 2008), first came to Key West
in 1944 with her snowbird
father.She visited in the 1960s and
early 1990s before becoming a resident in 1994. Professionally, she
has been a college teacher and actor,
public relations consultant and
journalist. Currently she writes
features and arts reviews (theater,
www.konklife.com 7
KEY BUSINESS
IN KEYWEST
fine arts, dance and books) for Solares Hill. She is also a feminist/
civil rights activist and a member of
the founding boards of local organizations including the Gay and Lesbian Community Center, Key West
Symphony and FloridaKeys ACLU.
| Continued on page 22
NORMAN DE PLUME
One or the other
ed and
Goatee, two
new guys in
my social network as different as
night and day, but that’s Key
West for you. I am of the opinion
if a man does not go to sea or go to
war, he must find something else for which to
be identified. A martial arts practitioner, a
Harley guy, a mountain climber, an alternate
on an Olympic ice hockey team, a marathon
runner, having ever received credit for performing the iron cross on gymnastic rings would
certainly count . . . something to replace going
to sea or to war to establish a base line in the
hierarchy of manhood standards of measure, he
didn’t have!!
Ted comes up short here as he can’t really
claim his failed attempt at a laborer’s job in the
Pennsylvania iron and steel industry. Being a
server, a job usually held by girls or frequently
guys who walk like girls, does not help much
to establish that baseline to manhood if that’s
all a guy has.
Goatee, on the other hand, has an enviable
and lengthy curriculum vitae, which if presented in its entirety would leave no room for
anything else. He was in Vietnam with the
PBR (patrol boat river) as the war was winding
down. He spent almost a year on the Mekong
River in Kien Gang Province operating out of
the Vietnamese Navy base at Rach Gia. He was
only in a couple of minor firefights, just enough
to be awarded the navy combat action ribbon,
a Navy commendation medal with combat “V”
and John Kerry Purple Heart for a few splinters
in his ass. e Purple Heart was generous, he
never expected it for a couple of stitches in his
posterior. Goatee offered opinion it is common
knowledge the awards system was prostituted
big time in Vietnam. If an officer didn’t get a
bronze star or at least a commendation medal
end of tour award, he must have evacuated his
bowels in the CO’s mess kit or the equivalent
in officer speak.
Goatee was a first-class boatswain mate with
a specialty of small boat driver. From Vietnam
he went to the “Gator” navy, the amphibs at
Little Creek Virginia. He acquired as many
qualifications as he could. He qualified as a
scuba diver compliments of the Navy. He
wanted to be parachute qualified, but the Navy
wouldn’t send him to school, so he took leave
and graduated from Lakehurst, N.J., navy
jump school with his gold wings. He liked to
jump, and anytime he was near a military base
where jumping was scheduled, he showed up
with his log book and jumped as much as they
would let him. On one jump he hurt his back
and had to go to the hospital by ambulance.
| Continued on page 9
T
KEYWEST
LOU
THE BIGGEST WHORE
HOUSE IN EUROPE
nLEGALITIES WITH
Louis Petrone
ermany has a propensity for coming up
with ideas which appear brilliant on the
surface. Ideas which will benefit Germany. Ideas that
supposedly will benefit others they intend to do business with. Everyone eats! In the final analysis, only
Germany benefits. Only Germany eats.
e perfect example is the euro union which Germany was an instrumental party in conceiving and selling to fellow European nations. Each nation would be
better off economically.
It did not work that way. Germany benefited/benefits big time to the detriment of other countries. Greece,
Italy, Spain, Portugal, and Cyprus
being prime examples.
Germany came up with another
plan which was to work to the benefit
of a certain group. Prostitutes.
Germany adopted a law in 2002
which legalized prostitution. A simple one page law. Its purpose was to
LOU
destigmatize prostitution. e ladies
PETRONE
henceforth would be considered employees as in all other occupations.
COLUMNIST
ey were to have contractual rights
with their pimps, the right to pension benefits and medical insurance, the right to unionize.
Prostitution was henceforth
to be viewed as a voluntary occupational choice. e selling/rental of a
woman’s body was no longer to be considered immoral.
e world’s oldest profession had come a long way.
St. Augustine considered prostitution immoral and
wrong. However, he viewed it as a necessary evil. Hundreds of years later, Germany gave it dignity.
What was the thinking behind the new German law?
Was it really the welfare and dignity of the women involved? Or, was there more? All and perhaps more. Prostitution as a legal occupation became subject to
taxation. Taxed nationally by Germany’s federal government. Taxed additionally by Germany’s municipalities.
Pursuant to the law, the municipalities had the responsibility of overseeing the prostitution business.
Prior to the 2002 law, there were 100,00 prostitutes
in Germany. ree years after its adoption, there were
200,000. Today there are 400,000. Competition became keen. Young ladies flocked to Germany. Easy
money was in the offing.
e problem was too many got into the business.
Most involuntarily, the rest by choice. Of the 400,000
present-day prostitutes, 300,000 are estimated to have
| Continued on page 20
G
8 www.konklife.com
GET YOUR
WELLNESS
Lifestyle change?
‘ve recently changed some of my thinking
on getting in shape or eating healthier or
making any sort of lifestyle change. People
want to make a list of what they want to cut
from their diet or daily routine. I think starting
any sort of lifestyle change on a negative note,
which is what eliminating seems like to me,
will automatically lead to failure. I believe there
are so many positive things that can be added
to one’s life that eventually the bad will be well
outweighed. is can be applied to every aspect
of life, food, exercise, work, even socially.
Everyone knows how hard it is to stop eating the good tasting but bad for you foods. So
here’s the plan: Add a healthy, dark green salad
with veggies before your starchy carb-loaded
meal. If you do that, chances are you will feel a
fuller before you eat your dinner, but you’ll also
get healthy vitamins and minerals and fiber
without sacrificing anything. Just find one
healthy thing to add to your meal. By adding
something, chances are the bad-for-you things
will start shrinking.
Other people want to give up some habit—
smoking, a bottle of wine after work. But most
people don’t want to give anything up. ey
know they’ll feel better if they did. My theory
on this is to add something good for your mind
or body. Join a softball team, go for a walk
BEFORE you get home from work and have
that bottle of wine, or add a bike ride into your
morning routine. Chances are by adding one
small healthy and positive action, your whole
routine will begin to change.
e next time you’re listening to someone
rattle off all the things they want to give up
to get healthier or lose weight or change any
other part of their life, try to find something
affirmative for them to add in. And be positive
about the changes they are trying to make.
Everyone needs a helpful and reassuring support system in any life change.
I
■
JENESSA
BERGER
COLUMNIST
UPFRONT
1950s NIGHT AT CORK & STOGIE
LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer
NORMAN DE PLUME
| Continued from page 8
e Navy was not happy about that but considered it a line of duty injury, so no disciplinary
action but no more jumping. e back never
fully recovered, and it became apparent to
Goatee his days as a small boat driver were numbered. Small boats bounce over the waves and
small boat drivers bounce with them; no place
for a bad back.
e inevitable finally happened, and he was
medically disqualified as a boat driver. He left
the small boat command and was assigned to
the security department at NAS Norfolk. Security was glad to get a first class boatswain mate
and he was kept busy filling in for people out
sick or on leave. In six months he knew every
job in security and felt he could run the place if
need be. In the course of his duties he got to
know some of the local cops, even the plain
clothes guys. ey told him to make sure he carried his badge with him when he went out on
the town. Unless it was a felony, the badge
would get him a “professional courtesy” in case
he got in a beef with someone. He was beginning to think this was better than bouncing
around in a small boat with a bad back.
e Navy policy on DUI was getting tougher
everyday. Out in the bars he limited himself to a
couple of Dos Equis. A DUI would end his career with a disgraceful “less than honorable discharge.” One night he met a new girl in town in
his favorite bar. So he chatted her up and bought
her a couple of drinks while they talked.
She said her name was Jane; she wasn’t bad
looking and didn’t talk crazy. She had the same
old story . . . on the run from a good relationship gone sour. She gave him a brief resume of
her work experience, and he told her she should
have no trouble getting a job on the base and
that he would take her to personnel the day after
tomorrow. She thought that was a good idea and
invited him to her motel where he spent the
night. He spent most of his off time with her
until she got her job on the base working for the
supply officer. Goatee helped her out with a few
bucks until she got a payday. She was on her
own now, and he told her he was moving on.
She wasn’t happy about that, but she understood. He knew she wanted a steady boyfriend
or husband. He knew it wasn’t going to be him.
He never told her, but he had a run-in with her
boss, the supply officer, not too long ago.
e supply wienie was a safe haven shore
duty lieutenant with the National Defense Service Medal and the butt kisser Navy Achievement
Medal he got just for being an officer. Goatee
was working the main gate one slow weekend
| Continued on page 22
www.konklife.com 9
WININGTHEKEYS
New app recruits the
Red Cross volunteers
e American Red Cross launched the
Team Red Cross App, allowing people to
sign up to help, get an overview on basic
tasks and receive notifications about Red
Cross disaster volunteer opportunities in
their community.
“When people see the Red Cross responding to emergencies, they often want
to help but don’t know how,” said Jim
Starr, vice president of Volunteer Management for the American Red Cross.”
Once users download the app, they
learn about jobs. When the Red Cross
needs volunteers, Team Red Cross App
notifies users based on location. Potential
volunteers accept or decline volunteer
opportunity.
Red Cross encourages downloading
the app before a disaster strikes so potential volunteers can help immediately. App
is free and designed for iPhone and Android smart phones and tablets. Features:
· Orientation right on the mobile device
· Share notifications for volunteers
· Earn digital “badges” by completing
job test, accepting a job, sharing app,
recruiting volunteers. Share “badge”
on social network.
W I N E A B I T, Y O U ‘ L L F E E L B E T T E R
Que Syrah, Shiraz
· Allows people to donate to Red Cross
and sign up to donate blood.
· Offers emergency response info people
can share with friends
Team Red Cross App is the seventh in
a series of Red Cross apps now on 3 million mobile devices nationwide. A recent
Red Cross survey shows apps now tied
with social media as fourth most popular
way to get information during emergencies behind TV, radio and online news
sites. Nearly one-fifth of Americans say
they’ve received emergency information
from an app.
Team Red Cross App found in Apple
App Store and Google Play Store by
searching for American Red Cross or by
going online, redcross.org/mobileapps
INFO redcross.org, (202) 303-5551
See how you can help.
Everyone can make a difference.
f you were paying attention last
week (and I’m sure you weren’t),
I told you that this week we would
cover chardonnay. Well, as usual, I
lied. I’ve been running around for
the past couple of weeks with a new
wine called Sexual Chocolate that is
one of the most delicious wines I’ve
had in a while. It’s a blend of syrah,
zinfandel and petite sirah; so I just
figured it was time to delve back in
to one of my favorite grapes—syrah.
When people describe these
wines, words such as massive, rich,
noble and rustic come spurting out
of their mouths. One wine writer
likes to compare this grape to a guy
in a tuxedo, wearing cowboy boots.
is grape ain’t for the faint of
heart; when you put it in your
mouth, it lets you know it’s there.
So, what’s the difference between
syrah and shiraz? Not a damn thing.
e wine gods are just trying to
confuse everybody all over again. In
general, one can say that if the wine
comes from France, it will be called
syrah. (However, France doesn’t
normally put the grape varietal on
the bottle.) And if it comes from
Australia or South Africa, it will be
called shiraz, except that one of the
best shirazes from Australia is
Rosemont’s Balmoral Syrah.
Confused? Just wait, it gets
better.
In California, the other major
growing region, it can be called
either, normally depending upon
which style the wine maker is going
for—French or Australian. So what’s
the difference between the two
styles? Well, let’s start with the
French. Pepper and spice are the
two major descriptive terms you’ll
hear when people talk about a
French syrah. ese wines are
complex and forceful.
But then, as I mentioned above,
France normally doesn’t put the
grape varietal on the label, so how
do you know if you’re getting a
syrah? Well, you have to know
which region it comes from. Most
I
French syrahs come from either the
northern Rhone valley or from the
Languedoc region; however, in the
Languedoc, they sometimes call it
shiraz. We’ve got to keep you on
your toes.
Now when talking about the
Australian style, the first word out
of everyone’s mouth is jammy or
fruit bomb. ey’re normally
sweeter, riper, and can even have a
hint of chocolate. Australia’s most
famous wine is a shiraz, Pinfolds’
Grange. A bottle of Grange will run
you between $200 and $350 upon
release. And, yes, it’s worth it.
As a side note, when I had my
fiftieth birthday, I wanted to buy a
bottle of 1953 vintage wine. e
only one I could find was a ‘53
Penfolds Grange which they were
selling for a mere $17,000 with no
guarantee of the quality of the wine.
I decided to choose a different gift
to myself.
Now, while some grapes require
a cool or warm climate, syrah can
grow just about any place and this is
why its style varies so dramatically.
In the northern Rhône valley, the
climate is very cool which brings
out the pepper and spice flavors of
the grape. In the southern Rhône,
it’s a warm climate and as such the
syrahs from there have more of a
fruity body. In the southern Rhône,
syrah actually takes a back seat to
| Continued on page 17
STEVE
CALDERWOOD
To receive Smokin’ Vines, a listing of all
food and booze events in the Keys, send
name and email to wineslut@me.com
10 www.konklife.com
ON THE KEYS SCENE
A SHEEL BIRTHDAY
RALPH DE PALMA | photographer
www.konklife.com 11
MEL FISHER DAYS’ BINGO! BRUNCH
LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer
12 www.konklife.com
MARLIN TOURNAMENT IN KEY WEST
SHEEL SHEELMAN | photographer
Anglers competed for a
cash purse of $50,000
in conjunction with Key
West’s Hemingway Days
celebration in July. e
inaugural took place in
October with 92 boats
and 400 anglers.
www.konklife.com 13
july25-31
inside!
Smokin’ Tuna ABOVE
Rusty Lemmon
Schooner Wharf LEFT
The Real Malloys
Hog’s Breath RIGHT
Ken & Cuda
FUNTIMES
Smokin’ Tuna Saloon
Schooner Wharf
Josh Garrett
Schooner Wharf Bar
202 Williams St., (305) 292-3302
www.schoonerwharf.com
n
Thursday
Cool Duo 7-11pm
Friday-Saturday
Josh Garrett Band 7-Midnight
Four-piece Josh Garrett Band returns to Key West. Growing up in
Louisiana, Josh was exposed to
Cajun, Zydeco and Blues music.
He was featured on The House of
Blues. Josh known for his soulful
vocals, emotional guitar work and
that “flavor” that only comes from
those with Louisiana in their
blood.
Sunday
The Latin Calypso Party
6:30-11pm
Monday
The Real Malloys 7-11pm
Tuesday
Raven Cooper 7-11pm
Wednesday
Gary Hempsey 7-11pm
4 Charles St., off 200 block
Duval, (305) 517-6350
n
Thursday
Rusty Lemmon 6pm
Singer-songwriter Rusty Lemmon
Caffeine Carl & The Buzz
9:30pm
Friday
Joal Rush 6pm
Nashville-based Joal Rush
from Key West Songwriters Fest.
Caffeine Carl & Friends 9:30pm
Saturday
Greg & James 6pm
Caffeine Carl & Friends 9:30pm
Sunday
Rusty Lemmon 9pm
Monday
Joal Rush 6pm
Caffeine Carl & Friends 9:30pm
Tuesday
Greg & James 6pm
Joal Rush/Nick Norman 9:30pm
Nashville-based Joal Rush fresh
from the Key West Songwriters
Festival joins Nick Norman. Both
singer-songwriters attractions of
the music scene during Key West
Songwriters Festival for years.
Wednesday
Rusty Lemmon 6pm
Joal Rush/Nick Norman 9:30pm
| Continued on page 16
Smokin’ Tuna
Caffeine Carl
www.konklife.com 15
FUNTIMES
Hog’s Breath Saloon
400 Front St.,
(305) 296-4222
n
Thursday-Saturday
Robert Douglas 5:30-9:30pm
Thursday-Sunday
Dutch Henry 10pm-2am
Michigan-based band compared
with The Clash meets Johnny
Cash, meets Badfinger, meets
Jason and the Scorchers.
Monday-Sunday
The Bon Temps 10pm-2am
Tuesday-Wednesday
Robert Douglas 5:30-9:30pm
Monday 0722
Joel Nelson 1-5pm
0802-03
The Pier House
Barry Cuda and Ken Fradley
1-5pm
Honkytonk piano-man
Barry Cuda and horn-man
extraordinaire Ken Fradley
Larry Smith
| Continued from page 15
The Pier House
Wine Gallery Piano Bar,
One Duval, 296-4600
n
Friday-Monday 7pm
Singer/pianist Larry Smith
Jazz, standards, originals,
singers and instrumentalists.
Guests join in at 9pm.
Sunday Showcase 9pm
Monday
Jazz Jam Night 9pm
Drummer Richie Ciavolino or
Skipper Kripitz and bassist Tim
McAlpine. Requisite for visiting
musicians. Local instrumentalists/singers in improv format.
Hog’s Breath
Hog’s Breath
Dutch Henry
16 www.konklife.com
Robert Douglas
WINING
theKEYS
STEVE CALDERWOOD
| Continued from page 10
grenache with which it’s blended.
In Australia, most of the shiraz is
grown in hot growing climates, and
that’s what makes this grape the great
jammy beast. It’s not as finicky as
pinot. It eats up the heat, and that’s
why most of the Californian syrah/shiraz comes from the warm central valley. But in order to really understand
Californian syrah, you have to understand the “Rhone Rangers.”
Back in the early ‘80s, a few winemakers started experimenting with the
Rhone valley varietals: syrah, grenache,
mourvèdre and others in California.
Randall Graham from Bonny Doon
vineyards was the most vocal of the lot,
which included Alban, Joseph Phelps
and Qupé.
It’s interesting to note that a lot of
Bonny Doon’s labels are designed by
Ralph Steadman—the guy who did the
illustrations for the late, great Hunter
ompson’s novels—and that all of
Bonny Doon’s wines, including the
reds, are now only available in screw
cap bottles. Randall Graham does like
to make a statement.
But to say that these guys were successful in their attempts at syrah would
be a major understatement. In 1992,
there were barely 400 acres planted in
California, and by 1996 there were
over 2,000 acres. From 1998 to 1999
alone, plantings increased by one third
with over 10,000 acres planted. Today
syrah is still the fasted-growing grape
varietal in California.
One final note on syrah is another
of my fun-with-wine facts. In Argentina, they were growing a grape
that not until 1968 was it discovered
that it was actually syrah. What did
they call it before that discovery? Balsamina! Now is that a great name for
this grape or what?!?
at’s it for this week, so until
the next time—wine a bit, you’ll feel
better.
To receive Smokin’ Vines, a listing of all food
and booze events in the Keys, sendname and
email to wineslut@me.com
n
Florida Keys Council of the Arts
Cultural Calendar: Send in events by
ursday noon to Florida Keys Council
of the Arts to email address:
calendar@keysarts.com
JOHN L. GUERRA
| Continued from page 5
Key West Happenings
Thursday, July 25 thru Wednesday, July 31
ARTIST OPPORTUNITY
• ArtReach Grant - Deadline Saturday, August 31
Gato Building, 1100 Simonton St. 295-4369. info@keysarts.com
ArtReach is an audience development grant for individual Monroe County
artists & arts organizations & their business partners. The project must extend the applicant’s typical audience by reaching out to a new population.
www.keysarts.com
• Call for Entries for NANA13 – Deadline Tuesday, September 17.
Lucky Street Gallery, 540 Greene St. 294-3973. First annual juried show
for emerging artists will be held during Art!KeyWest!
Requesting 6 entries per artist for jury consideration in categories of:
Painting, Sculpture, Mixed-Media/Constructions, Drawing & Photography.
To enter complete form on website. luckystreetgallery.com
• Request for Proposals (RFP #2) for Key West International Airport –
Deadline Thursday, September 19. Gato Building, 1100 Simonton St.
295-4369. info@keysarts.com
Monroe County Art in Public Places (AIPP) has issued a Request for
Proposals for pre-qualified artists for the Key West International Airport
for the targeted space, wall above the ticket counters. Download and print
the RFP from www.keysarts.com
ARTISTS RECEPTIONS / EXHIBITIONS
Monday, July 29
Artist Talk: Victoria Reynolds & Jeffrey Vallance: The Studios of Key West,
600 White St. 296-0458. Artists in Residence present their work followed
by Q&A. Free & open to the public. tskw.org
Fridays
Amanda Johnson Painting-in-Residence, 6 PM Two Monkeys Fine Art, 518
Fleming St. 414-8396. Meet the artist and watch her paint.
amandajohnsonfineart.com
FILM
Saturday, July 27
Kids Saturday Movie Club – Iron Giant (1999), 10:30 AM Tropic Cinema,
416 Eaton St. 877-761-3456. Bicycle give-away this morning! tropiccinema.com
Wednesdays
Key West Library - Movie Night, 5:30 PM 700 Fleming St,
292-3595. keyslibraries.org
Ibis Bay Dive-In Movie Night, Films begin at Sunset. Ibis Bay Beach Resort, 3101 N. Roosevelt Blvd. Michael Shields, 394-3804.
MUSIC
Friday & Sunday, July 26 & 28
The Love Lane Gang, Friday, 7 PM: McConnell’s Irish Pub & Grill, 900
Duval St; Sunday, 5:30 PM: Salute, 1000 Atlantic Blvd.
Mandolin, accordion, banjo, ukulele and washboard to the familar
guitar, bass and harmonica to create musical palette such as swing, old
school country, rockabilly and bluegrass.
Thursdays thru Saturdays
In the Cabaret, 5 PM The Gardens Hotel, 526 Angela St.
294-2661. Featuring John Benson, Michael Robinson & Bobby Green.
Sunday, Jazz in the Gardens resumes Oct. 6.
gardenshotel.com
Nightly Entertainment - Tavern ‘N Town, Marriott Beachside,
3841 N. Roosevelt Blvd. Featuring Rob Distasi, Mike Emerson, Bobby
Nesbitt, Carmen Rodriguez & Michael Thomas.
n
www.konklife.com 17
member.
“And don’t forget Marques Butler,”
she pleaded, “for he is coming home,”
a reference to the September trial.
“e God I serve is not pleased.”
Anita Milian-Butler, a cousin of
Marques Butler’s, listened to Magby’s
appeal as she, Joseph Russell, and
Phillip Barnett sat on a picnic bench
nearby.
“It was very sad, the outcome of the
[Zimmerman] verdict,” Butler said.
“But we worry about the upcoming
trial, too. Marques was an outstanding
young man. We know what it’s like to
lose a family member.”
“It’s sad that justice has not been
done,” Bahama Village business owner
Aaron Castillo said of the Butler case.
“e incident has left a bad taste in
everyone’s mouth.”
e peaceful crowd listened to
community leaders, including Lopez’s
fellow city commissioner, Tony Yaniz;
former Key West mayoral candidate
Mike Mongo; the Rev. Glenwood
Lopez; and the Rev. Steve Torrence, a
legendary Key West pastor who cofounded AIDS Help, Inc., an organization considered a model for
community HIV/AIDS efforts around
the nation.
e speakers hit on related civil
rights topics, including what is universally known as Stand Your Ground, a
law that allows members of the public
to use deadly force when cornered.
Magby said the law has been especially
fatal for black men and allows attackers to get away with murder.
“Stand Your Ground? For who?”
she asked the crowd. “Trayvon stood
his ground, too.”
Lopez also criticized a recent
Supreme Court ruling that weakened,
if not crippled, the 1964 Voting Rights
Act.
e people, holding candles, gathered in a large circle under the trees,
and prayed. ey closed the vigil by
singing “We Shall Overcome,” the anthem of the Civil Rights Movement.
n
TROPICSPROCKETS
n I N R E V I E W W IT H
Ian Brockway
20 Feet from Stardom
organ Neville’s (e Cool
School) documentary “20
Feet from Stardom,” places you squarely
left of center in the lives of many accomplished backup singers. ese vivacious
women, who are more like sorceresses in
my opinion, deserve far more credit than
they often get for their art, but many of
them have been virtuosic alone.
Here we have the legendary Darlene
Love, who worked with the charismatic
but volatile music producer Phil Spector
and singlehandedly vocalized many hits
from the 1960s (“He’s a Rebel”) but
received little credit.
ere is the iconic but down-to-earth
Merry Clayton, who sang the original
controversial lyrics for e Rolling
Stones’s “Gimme Shelter.”
ere is also the voluptuous and angelic Lisa Fischer, who came to the fore in
the 1960s working for Tina Turner and
achieved near star-status in the 1980s
with Luther Vandross.
is documentary is most intriguing
for raising the question of who has the
upperhand in the music world in terms
of creativity. All the headliners from
Springsteen to David Bowie, Sting and
Lou Reed depend on backup singers to
give their songs that extra whirl, that
spark, or that crucial fusion with the
audience. Without these singers, Prince
is a mere puff of purple sequins. Merry
Clayton even scored the upperhand in
singing the main chorus in Lynard
Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama.” As she
says in the film, “I’ll show you Alabama,
all right!” e country rock song would
be nothing without her and, as depicted
in the film, almost seems a satire and
a well-deserved oneupmanship instead
of an in-your-face southern anthem.
You will feel for all of these artists and
recognize them as geniuses.
Darlene Love was subordinated and
harshly snubbed by Spector and his
unapologetic greed.
Claudia Linnear, who was in many
ways the pulse of e Rolling Stones,
M
appeared in Playboy, embarked on a solo
career but faced disappointing sales. She
now teaches English to students, forced
to put her vocal career on hold.
Tata Vega, who worked with Stevie
Wonder, also faced a struggling solo run,
but she now works for Elton John.
Last but not least, there is wunderkind
Judith Hill, who spritely worked with
Michael Jackson on his last Xanadu-like
rehearsal of “is Is It.” She fears being
typecast into routine busy-work by her
time with Jackson and takes to wearing
disguises onstage, most recently on Jay
Leno.
e music featured is pulsing and
electric, well matched by the imagery and
editing which create a rhythmic collage
of celebrity and history and the gaps
between solitude and success, uncertainty
and verve.
“20 Feet from Stardom” shows these
singers for who they really are: covert and
curvaceous women, many of them grown
from Gospel roots, who surreptitiously
slip the true personality into a song and
have the last shout.
Monsters University
Summer is here and that means a
sumptuous and colorful Pixar film in
state of the art 3D with none of those
blurry red and blue traces from old-fashioned 3D. Your eyes and heart will delight in “Monsters University” directed by
Dan Scanlon, the creative force behind
“Brave.”
In this prequel to “Monsters, Inc.,” we
revisit Mike (Billy Crystal), the lovable
but anxious green monster who is literally
a giant M&M with one big eye. Six-yearold Mike wants to grow up to be a
“scarer.” In this monster world, the
screams of children provide the energy
needed to power their multiple-eyed
society and resident little monsters
hopefully make it to college to learn
how to frighten kids and coerce the most
| Continued on page 20
www.TropicCinema.com
Tropic Cinema, the only nonprofit
art multiplex in South Florida.
Rated Best Cinema in Florida, 2009-2012
18 www.konklife.com
NOW WERE COOKIN!
LAZY COCONUTS
T
hey are hanging everywhere in the trees right now, and you
might even hear the “thud” if you live close to a tree. Yes, it’s the
wonderful green coconuts full of water. You might be reading a lot
these days about how good they are for you — and most all of its
true. Living on an island, I do not feel that coconut water comes out
of a box. Any landscaping person on the island gets paid to take the
coconuts down. You can ask them or city electric guys, so you don’t
feel you have to climb a tree.
Let’s get our facts straight about the coconut. First, the water is
not milk. It helps make the meat inside the nut as its gets older, and
the meat is what’s ground up and blended in hot or cold water, then
strained to make a thick milk. Try it yourself. It’s easy and way better
than the stuff in a can. Second, there is a jelly-like material inside the
green coconuts that is very tasty, if you crack it open. One day this
jelly will become the meat.
e coco water rehydrates you when it’s hot and we have plenty
of that. Having potassium, magnesium and a slight amount of salt,
it’s what your body needs to really absorb the minerals and keep you
feeling good. I have seen this used in Ecuador for I.V.’s in remote
hospitals, and it’s just as good as a saline drip. On a good note, it’s
good for your libido — like Viagra for men when it’s drunk!
You don’t need a machete and cool knife skills to open one.
As you see in the photo above, remove the cap at the top of the
coconut (looks like a green hard flower) and use a screwdriver
to make a hole in the white part below as it is the soft spot.
Make one more hole on an angle. If it goes three-fourths
of the way in and is hard, just tap it with a
hammer. is vent hole will help it pour out.
at was easy, huh?
Take advantage of the islands waste by
bringing home a few coconuts this week and
chilling them in the fridge. Feel the goodness
of this treat and remember to share one with
the your partner for fun results.
n
PAUL
Eat local and always with a friend!
Aloha
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TROPIC
SPROCKETS
KEYWEST
LOU
LOUIS PETRONE
| Continued from page 8
IAN BROCKWAY
| Continued from page 18
potent screams. After all, this is a kids’ film, but there is
enough belly laughs for grownups.
Mike dreams of getting to Monsters U and being a grade
frightener. He enters as a freshman and constantly has
to prove himself. Billy Crystal is terrific in his character
ridden with self-doubt. He completely embodies his ambitious
Aargh-meister, as if he were an actual human being.
Steve Buscemi returns as Randall who is entertaining, too,
as Mike’s slippery snake roommate. John Goodman also
reprises his role as the voice of Sully, Mike’s rival, who
resembles a parti-colored Abominable Snowman with a
bloodcurdling roar. I have to admit, though, that Helen
Mirren upstages everyone as Abigail Hardscrabble, the
school dean, who is an imperious but oddly likable creature:
a winged serpent reminiscent of Dante’s Inferno and Mary
Poppins.
And, for those of us who enjoy “Saturday Night Live,”
Bobby Moniyhan plays an opposing frat brother along
with Charlie Day (“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”)
who looks like a fuzzy letter C.
e film possesses a solid score by Disney veteran Randy
Newman which mimic the pop art visuals.
e joy of this episode is its liveliness, its color and
its quirky rambling tone. e story never takes itself too
seriously, and Billy Crystal infuses his character with
feel-good warmth and a very human spirit.
“Monsters University” has a charming irreverence
containing several wise asides for adults while mildly
lampooning many scare flicks. In the process, it introduces
a bit of psychology into what makes us, as humans, afraid.
e tale is sunnily subversive at its core with its depiction
of children as toxic and easily scared fleshy things. Here
it is the monsters who have dominion, while young children
are mere groundlings, almost something to be pitied.
But fear not, there is no eerie heaviness or nevermore
drear in this Crayola crayon bestiary. “Monsters University”
is a light and airy primer, ruled for kids, rampant
in abundance with some impish and manic titters.
■
Write ian at redtv_2005@yahoo.com
www.TropicCinema.com
Tropic Cinema, the only nonprofit art multiplex in South Florida.
Rated “Best Cinema in Florida 2009-2012”
come from Eastern Europe. Primarily Romania
and Bulgaria. Most brought into Germany by unscrupulous pimps who had now become legitimate businessmen. Promises were made that the
young ladies would have a better life. Lies, of
course. ey unknowingly were forced into prostitution when they arrived. reats and beatings
became commonplace to keep the women in line.
Where economics is involved, matters come
down to supply and demand. Legality brought
with it the tremendous influx of new ladies to the
profession. As evidenced by the 400,000 prostitutes presently in Germany.
Today there are 3,000 brothels in Germany.
Five hundred in Berlin alone. It is estimated 1.2
million men pay for sex daily.
With so many women available, competition
became cut throat. Prices for sex services suffered.
ey dropped. Dramatically. In 2002, the
charge for oral sex and intercourse was 40 euros
— $54 American money. Today 10 euros — $13
American money. In many instances, less than 10
euros. Whatever a lady can get. A buyer’s market.
Package deals have come into play. ere is a
12-story brothel in Cologne. Every floor and
every room occupied by a working girl who must
be kept busy. Hi-rises are common in the German
brothel business. e Cologne one offers the customer all the sex and alcohol he wants for as long
as the customer wants it. For 50 euros. Roughly
$65 American money. Another in a different city
offers all the sex the customer can handle in one
visit for 50 euros. ese prices include multiple
companions.
Germany is known as the discount sex capital
of the world. Obviously. Tour promoters offer sixday packages. Business is booming. ailand, formerly the sex capital, outdistanced because of
Germany’s cheap prices.
Big business requires marketing. Brothel operators offer incentives. Afternoon discount for men
66 or older. 20 percent discount to unemployed.
Day passes. Rebates to golfers. Flat rates.
Prostitutes have been left behind. ose whose
lives were to have been enriched by the 2002 law.
ere are no contracts, pension or medical plans.
e ladies are subjected to significantly more
abuse than before.
Business is tough. Brothel operators have become tough. e girls are required to service more
men per day. Whereas most used to do 10 men
per day, the number is now 20 or 40, depending
on the brothel involved. Unbelievable! In the infrequent times they are not working, the ladies are
kept crowded in small single rooms with one bed.
No toilet facility, except down the hall.
20 www.konklife.com
Germany and the municipalities are not suffering, however. ey are getting rich tax wise.
Germany’s federal government taxes a prostitute’s income. Brothel operators are also taxed. A
flat rate per prostitute per day. 25 to 30 euros.
Note per day. e municipalities also tax. Acceptable conduct in the taxing world. All this amounts
to triple taxation. Not double taxation.
e tax flow dollars are tremendous. No source
could be discovered which measured the federal
government’s take. However, information was
available indicating the tax income of certain
municipalities. Astronomical!
Not everyone is inclined to voluntarily pay
taxes. Tax avoidance is a universal game at every
level and profession. Bonn was concerned the
streetwalkers were not paying. Without a brothel
operator or pimp, it was difficult to compel
voluntary payment.
Bonn put in automated pay stations on the
streets. Like parking meters. Each streetwalker is
required to deposit 6 euros a night — $9 American money. Police keep tabs on the ladies. ey
cannot be arrested for prostitution as it is legal.
ey can, however, be fined for not having their
6 euro receipt.
Bonn’s cost for each meter was $11,575 American money. Bonn does provide a service. It has
constructed large wood garages where the ladies
can take their customers to do the deed in the
privacy of a customer’s car.
e thrust of this article is not prostitution
is legal in Germany. It is legal in other places.
Nevada, Amsterdam and Sweden, for example.
e thrust is to show another example of how
Germany came up with a brilliant idea to help a
certain class. e help did not materialize. Nevertheless, Germany benefited. e class walked
away emptyhanded. In worse condition than before.
Germany did it with the euro union. It has
done it again with the prostitutes. Please, Germany, no more brilliant ideas! No ideas! You are
bad news!
■
JOHN L. GUERRA
| Continued from page 6
“at way passengers can take the bus to the bus
stop closest to their work and pedal in the rest of
the way,” he said.
e deadline for city commission candidates to
sign up for the race is August 15. Commissioners
Clayton Lopez, Billy Freeman and Mayor Craig
Cates, who has a commission seat, are running
unopposed.
■
CONCH
DANCING •
for HELPLINE
LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer
OUTBACK
KEY HAPPENINGS
Key West Poetry Guild
| Continued from page 7
e mother of two blood sons, she has
proudly, informally adopted a passel of talented
and remarkable young people, most in Key
West. Her best gift so far has been the relocation of her youngest son, Shadrach Neiss, to the
Keys, where he opened a law office to complement his practice in Cleveland, Ohio. Neiss was
a published poet before his mother resumed
writing poetry after 30 years.
As is the tradition over four decades, the Poetry Guild’s monthly meeting will include, in
addition to the recent inclusion of a featured
poet, as many lightening rounds as time allows.
Attendees invited to read one original poem in
each round. Auditors welcome.
INFO
Connie Gilbert, (305) 393-7844
July 28
Celebrate 801’s charity
bingo 30th anniversary
e longest, continuously running charitable event in Key West continues on 5-7 p.m.
Sunday, July 28, 801 Duval St. Hosted by
Qmitch Jones. Prizes and special guests. Cheap
bingo cards, free pizza and B-12 shots! Primary
sponsor is Fairvilla Sexy ings. Also sponsored
by e Little Red Island House and Square
One Restaurant. Benefit for e Cancer Foundation of the Florida Keys.
INFO
Qmitch Jones, (305) 587-0139
Summer 2013
AHEC’s senior fitness class
Florida Keys Area Health Education Center
in partnership with the Health Foundation of
South Florida offers the Enhance Fitness Program for seniors in Monroe County throughout
the summer and fall season. e fitness program
is a researched, evidence based program that incorporates balance, coordination, and flexibility
exercises as well as cardio and weight training.
Classes are held 10-11 a.m. three days a week
(Monday, Wednesday and Friday) for $35 per
month at Keys Senior Citizen Plaza, 1400
Kennedy Drive.
INFO
Keys AHEC, (305) 743-7111, Ext. 204
UPFRONT
NORMAN DE PLUME
| Continued from page 9
afternoon when the fire engine red
Corvette pulled up to the gate at a speed
not reasonable and proper for the situation.
Goatee didn’t like that at all, but decided
to let it pass. e driver was alone and in
civilian clothes. e driver handed his ID
card to Goatee and somehow in passing it
back there was a fumble. e lieutenant
called Goatee a “clumsy fool” and ordered
him to “pick that up and hand it to me
properly.”
Goatee describes how he maintained his
composure and said, “Sir, I have a title, and
it is not clumsy fool. I will respect your position only as long as you respect mine.”
With that he picked up the ID card and
carefully handed it to the lieutenant and
said, “ank you, sir. Have a good day.”
He saluted smartly.
e lieutenant failed to return the salute
and asked, “What’s your name, sailor?”
Goatee said, “Look at my name tag, sir.”
is was on the verge of getting ugly.
e lieutenant thought better of it and
moved on just in time.
About a month later the security chief
rotated Goatee to the four to midnight
shift and scheduled him to fill in on the
main gate. About five o’clock the red
Corvette pulls up to the gate and who
do you think is driving? You got it, Jane.
He waved her through with a smile she
returned; no words spoken.
About a half-hour later, the red Corvette
is exiting the gate with the lieutenant driving. He stops and bellows, “Oh, it’s you.
I asked my fiancee if the gate guard saluted
her. She said no. Is that true?”
“Yes ,sir, it’s true,” Goatee replied.”
“Maybe you are not qualified to be a
first-class petty officer,” the lieutenant
bellowed. “You know the protocol.
Now tell me why you did not salute,”
the lieutenant demanded in a loud voice.
“I don’t screw’em and salute’em. It’s one
or the other,” Goatee said with a little
smirk on his face for good measure.
e lieutenant just looked at Jane who
by now was as red as the Corvette. He hit
the gas and burned rubber to distance
himself from Goatee.
Goatee got out duty at midnight and
felt the need for a Dos Equis or two. He
went to his favorite bar and guess who was
there chatting up a clean-shaven young
guy with a high and tight haircut?
■
22 www.konklife.com
USS KEY WEST REUNION at JDL’s
LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer
LOCAL NEWS & OPINION
RICK BOETTGER
| Continued from page 6
though the purpose of the two-day marathon was for the Five
Wise Wo/Men to give the worker bees wisdom from on high.
At that point I too buckled and begged for relief. ere was
not enough High Wisdom to give. e devil was in details that
only a staff of a dozen land-use weenies can hash out amongst
themselves in months of full-time jobs. THIS was why the
BOCC deferred to their Aqueduct brothers/humble servants on
the grinder versus gravity decision: all too often, their full-time
staff really has figured things out better than the part-time Commissioners can. eir brains are overloaded elsewhere.
I’m hoping three years of attending meetings will prepare
me to join their impossible mission. Or Cynthia will instead
convince me to take more luxury cruises.
■
BITCHIN‘PARADISE
IT’S NOT ME, IT’S YOU
oes oppressive heat
next thing you know Vienna
cause people to act like Sausage is pulling his scooter out
dicks? Or do they go out of their
right in front of you, slowing to a
way to be rude and thoughtless just
crawl while his girlfriend takes pics.
because they can? I know we’re supYou finally pass them and your
posed to be one big happy human
karma from one of your past livesfamily down here, but it takes all
places you behind a stupid open-air
kinds to round out the gene pool, an eco-mobile. Four people in the “car”
my mean gene is in overdrive.
yet the driver is using his camera.
I’ve spent the better part of a
Where are all the cops in this
month pissed off, when off-season is town? Oh, I’ll tell you where. Conusually my favorite time of year.
trary to popular belief, they’re crackEvery morning I wake up and think
ing down on bicycle scofflaws like
surely today can’t be as bad as yester- me. Naturally, once home from the
day. But it is. Sometimes worse.
hell of my day, I realize I’ve overIt starts out with something as
looked the important task of picking
simple as a trip to the post office.
up my case of wine. I bike over to
My route takes me down Whitehead Fausto’s and freely admit I did not
where I’m inevitably stuck behind at stop at a stop sign on Duval on the
least two Conch trains which travel
way home. (At this point the only
seven m.p.h. and ofrisk I’m not willing to
tentimes come to a
take is that of wine
complete stop in
flying out of my bike
front of the Hemingbasket). A good
way House. So here
minute later an SUV
we go. But the day is
with a Virginia lilooking good: I miss
cense plate practically
the Conch Tour loop
sideswipes me. I put
and hit 25 mph! Or
my hand up in a
maybe not because a
“what the fuck?” gesKimberley
jackass pedestrian
ture. Well, did you
looks at me and
know in Key West
Denney
makes the split-secthis is not condoned
@bitchinparadise
ond decision to cross
by the KWPD? Neiin the middle of the street. When
ther did I, until a voice on a loudmen do that I always wonder if they speaker implored. “Lady on the
see there’s a girl behind the wheel
bike, pull over.”
and have to pretend they don’t have
Since I was the only person on a
an appendage the size of a Vienna
bike in a half-mile radius, I pulled
sausage and test their luck. What
over and advised from the comfort
they don’t realize is I’m not afraid to of an air conditioned vehicle that I
go head to head. As I keep my pace
ran a stop sign and repeatedly
he glances over and actually slows.
questioned about my “what the
I’m undeterred. When I call him
fuck” gesture. Apparently it was not
out by his Christian name (Asshole) a problem for this officer to watch
and suggest he move just a little bit
the SUV skim closer to me than the
slower, he flips me off. Won’t be the
law allows. We have to keep our
last time today. e next guy gives
visitors coming back now, don’t we?
me the finger when I honk at him
Same reason thet don’t ticket out-ofbecause I have the green light.
state cars in residential spots in
Some days all it takes to set me
front of my house. And, yeah, I’m
off is mere annoyance of watching
that bitch who calls code enforcetwo idiots riding rental scooters on a ment. But enough ranting.
sidewalk. You wonder why there
n
aren’t signs posted, like, “Use your
goddamn common sense and take it
to the street.” Pass them and the
D
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