Santana Claws is Coming to Town

Santana Claws is
Coming to Town
Living Low Adventure 003 CE by Thom Shartle
Convention Edition
Overview
Its late Twelvetember and Somewhat Unusual is hit with an early Stanky Rain of epic proportions, forcing the heap to hunker down and weather it over the 9½ days of Santanamas.
In the spirit of the season, someone is slaughtering Smelves in a fashion mirroring the Horc
Santanamas Carol "The Nine and a half days of Santanamas". The obvious perpetrator is
uncovered, locked up and discounted, leaving the heap with a growing body count and no
idea who dunnit.
The Gist
On the First Day of Santanamas...
It’s the 9 1/2 days of Santanamas and the local Smelf
The heap is making their way through Hoopville, a
population is being slaughtered and carved up in a
collection of seedy pubs and flop houses that cater
manner matching the Horc Santanamas Carol "The
to the local pimps and strumpets. The stanky rain
Nine and a half days of Santanamas" (a song featuring forces them to hunker down under cowls and slickers
gruesomely presented Smelf parts) and prominently
as they spy their destination, the local Rub n’ Chug.
displayed around town. The Heap becomes embroiled
Suddenly the front door flies open and a half dressed
in one of the early murders and gets pressed into
strumpet, liberally splashed with blood stumbles out
helping figure out who is doing it and stop them.
into the slime slick street and falls at their feet
All leads point to Buggermeister Meisterbugger - a
well off local Horc Danged Wrangler. The frosting on
the cake is Meisterbugger even dresses up like Santana Claws for all the local Horc larva every Santanamas and has been since his father (who used to play
the role) disappeared twenty years ago. So the heap
gets him arrested and locked up in the hoosegow, but
the murders keep happening!
Turns out Buggermeister's father who disappeared
mysteriously two decades ago, actually died wedged
in the Sewer of their ancestral manse. That portion
screaming, “SANTANA CLAWS HAS COME TO
TOWN!”
Read Aloud:
Hunched over against the stanky rain storm you make your way
to the local Rub n’ Chug. Just as you reach for the handle, the
fungus plank door flies open. A shriek followed by a disheveled
and bloody Smelven Strumpet issues from the doorway. The
strumpet quickly darts behind which ever one of you looks biggest and toughest, peering around your shoulder she extends a
shaking hand pointing back through the yawning portal and
exclaims, “Santana Claws has come to town!”
of the sewer lays right along Buggermesiter's Danged
Laboratory and the bleed through of Zazz over the
years has animated the corpse! The only way to per-
Intimidation (opposed): Determines which character Cyndy
Loo-Hoop hides behind.
manently lay the Slitch Santan Claws to rest is to re-
Persuasion (+2 to Character being hidden behind): To calm
cover the Santanmas gifts stuck in the sewer with his Cyndy down and get the story out of her.
body and deliver them to the intended recipients!
Knowledge (Religion)(+2 to Smelf Characters;+2 Horc
characters): A success reveals Santana Claws is a Mythical fig- bloody foot prints leading out of it.
ure in the Santanist religion. He was said to visit good little Horc
When the Heap peeks into the open door they are
grubs (for Horc values of good which means dirty, back-stabbing
and violent) and reward them with sharp implements. Converse- greeted by a gristly err grisly sight!
ly he is used to strike fear into the hearts of Smelven grubs who
Read Aloud:
won’t eat their meat (How can you have any pudding if you
In a corner of the seedy office is an amalgamation of bone and
won’t eat your meat?).
sinew that could best be described as “a tree”. Bones are lashed
If the heap can calm Cyndy down enough to tell them together into a trunk and branch like arrangement by lengths of
sinew. Bits of gristle dangle from the ends of the “branches”
what went on, read the following:
and what appears to be a Smelf nose with the skin peeled back.
Read Aloud:
Apparently Oliver is having a really bad day...
Still hiding behind you, Cyndy conveys her tale:
Notice: Everyone who makes a successful Notice roll will find it
curious that despite the incredibly violent act perpetrated here,
though blood is liberally sprayed around the room, very little
looks like it was knocked askew—as though there was no struggle at all!
“I finishes up with my last trick err… client and goes to pay Oliver his cut err… manager’s fee.
“I throws up the door ot his office and there is Oliver!”
She points up the stairs.
Investigation (TN 6): A successful Investigation roll will reveal
two sets of footprints in the blood. One a petite Cyndy sized
female Smelf, the other heavy hobnail boots! The grisly murder
was obviously caused by the hobnail boot wearer.
“and there…”
She points to the left.
“and there…”
Tracking (TN 6): A success will allow the peep to follow the
female smelf footprints to Cyndy and the other set of footprints
down the hall to the bathroom.
She points to the right.
“Only most of him is missin’, just his gristly bits and his bones!”
Cyndy begins wailing uncontrollably at this point, ges-
Knowledge (Religion)(+2 to Smelf Characters; +2 Horc
turing continuously into the tavern and up the stairs. Characters): A success indicates the character is familiar with
Should the Heap not investigate the grisly scene,
the song “The Nine and a Half Days of Santanmas”.
read the following:
“On the Nine and a halfth day of Santanmas My True Love Gave
to me:
Read Aloud:
“Nine and a half Smelf Heads on Pikes,
Nine Corpses Swinging,
Eight Livers Ground Up,
Seven Privates a Dangling,
Six Skins a Flaying…
Five Fresh Smelf Spleeeeennns!
Four Scooped Out Eye Balls,
Three Smelf Hands,
Two Gobs of Guts
and Some Cartilage in a Smelf Tree!”
Cyndy stops wailing abruptly, cocks her head to one side taking
on a thoughtful expression and says to herself, “I wonder what
happened to all his money?”
And then resumes wailing and gesturing.
After climbing the stairs, the Heap is able to look
down a hallway that runs the length of the building,
lined with flimsy planking doors and halls to more
rooms. Several are cracked open with curious
“guests” sticking their heads out to see what all the
fuss is about. One lays wide open with several sets of
Two trails of footprints crisscross each other leading
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out of the room. Once they leave the room, the trails
fade rapidly, but if a successful Tracking roll is made
“On the First Day of Santanmas My True Love Gave to me…
Some Cartilage in a Smelf Tree!”
(see above) the traces can be followed back to Cyndy
and the bathroom marked “V” on the map.
Most of the rooms on the second floor were empty
except for the two with heads sticking out. The one
marked “M” has a Snell gadabout getting’ busy with a
Werm strumpet and room “Q” where Her Illustrious
Mayorship Buffalope Lobstereel is getting her horns
shined.
If they search room “P” the Heap may think they’ve
hit the jack pot, but its just a Stanist Ritual / Orgy
room. Nothing to see here, move along.
The REAL jackpot is in the water closet marked “V”.
The bloody hobnailed boots lead directly there and
disappear inside. This extra stanky toilet is where
Santan Claws turned to splooge and escaped down
the toilet. From the water closet the Heap will clearly
hear the clanging of an iron bell and a gruff voice
singing the Nine and a Half Days of Santanmas”.
Looking out the window they will see Buggermeister
Meisterbugger, dressed as Santan Claws ringing and
If the heap confront Buggermeister he will loudly go
on about do they know who he is and how he is a rich
influential Horc in this town (Which he really is)! He
will defend himself if attacked, but the heap should
not be allowed to kill him. If he gets incapacitated,
he is unconscious and breathing shallowly when the
Hoopville Hoinks show up and break up the fight.
Persuasion (+2 If they present evidence): To prevent the
Hoinks from throwing the in the hoosegow.
On the Second Day of Santanamas...
The Stanky Rains are beginning to slacken and it
looks like the Heap may be able to continue their
journey on to Bottom Saloo. Their breakfast of luke
warm gruel is interrupted by the front doors flying
open and the local hoink goon squad (three per heap
member) jack-booting into the room.
iron bell and passing out sharp implements to children They surround and confront the heap. Evidently
passing by.
there has been another murder along the “Nine and a
Read Aloud:
Half Days of Santanmas” theme. As Meisterbooger
You follow the fain trace of bloody iron hob nailed boots to four
doors at the end of the hall. The universal Keister Hole symbol
on the doors tells you these are water clostes. The trail leads
into the one that is open.
A foul stench wafts up from the wooden box bolted to the floor,
making your eye water. After retching briefly you start to back
away when the clanging of an iron bell draws your attention
out the window.
Peering down below, you see a stout Horc dressed in a red
outfit trimmed in dingy grey fur. As little Horc grubs come running up to him and blow their noses in his long snot streaked
beard, he cackles gleefully and whips out a hand full of rusty
scissors and passes them out one at a time.
was incarcerated at the time OBVIOUSLY he had
nothing to do with it and is he pissed! As he mentioned (repeatedly) before, Boogermeiser Meisterburger is filthy clammy and fairly powerful. Head
Hoink B’Lizz’kNzzk is taking a fair amount of heat on
the false arrest and dookey rolls down hill!
The hoinks escort the Heap three blocks away to the
hoosegow. They are escorted down a short hallway to
an office Marked “Chief B’Lizz’kNzzk”.
The sound of shouting can ce clearly heard (in
Torkle) from outside of the office. Someone is dressing down the Chief loudly and with colorful invec-
tive.
witted appearing hoinks. They were peering at a piece of parchment with a cartoonish drawing of what appears to be a boot
sole. The one gestures to the dirt floor and then back to the
drawing.
Read Aloud:
The door to the chief’s office slams open. A VERY angry Horc
dressed as Santan Claws comes bursting out. As he lays eyes on
your Heap, his normally green face turns all blotchy purple,
flecks of spittle spray over you. He points a shaky finger at the
lot of you and manages to choke out,
“No doubts about it—it’s a match!”
Like the scene last night at the Rub n’ Chug, the room is liberally
sprayed with Smelf blood. In the corner of the hovel’s main
room, right beside curtain separating it from the sleeping quarters is another Smelf bone tree, but in addition to the nose cartilage crown, two lengths of gore dripping intestine are festively
strung amongst the bone bowers.
“...and I want these turd’s SPLEENS ON SPIKES OUTSIDE MY
MANSE!”
He pushes past you angrily and rushes out the door.
The chief’s face goes from conciliatory to dour and he points at
your Heap and then into his office.
Happypant’s wife will cooperate with the Heap,
“I understand I have YOU lot to blame for that?”, she says.
though distraught, she conveys she heard nothing
“Boogermeister Meisterbooger wants your spleens on spikes,
and on top of that I have a murder on the loose! Can you give
me one reason why I shouldn’t lock you’se all up right this minute?”
during the night and awoke to… that….
Investigation: A successful Investigation roll will reveal the
same heavy hobnail boots from the scene of the last murder. On
a raise, they can tell from the state of the blood the murder happened around midnight.
Should they offer Chief B’Lizz’kNzzk clams, she will
gladly take them…. But still won’t let them off the
B’Lizz’kNzzk to let them find the murderer!
Tracking (TN 6): A success will reveal the path of bloody footprints leads out the door toward the Meisterbooger manse but
ends where the maker strode through the stream of effluvia
emptying into the sewer grid on the street in front of the manse.
Persuasion: A success and the Heap convinces the Chief to let
them investigate the murders and bring the perpetrator to justice. With a raise, they will earn cooperation from the town
watch.
If the Heap indicates any kind of intent to confront
hook. The only out they have is to convince Chief
Meisterbooger, the hoinks should glance at each other and then energetically dissuade them from bothering him again! Furthermore they go so far as to sug-
The latest murder happened late last night over on
gest the heap should perhaps investigate the MeisFartinkle Street, one Happypants Smelf has turned up terbooger before confronting him further.
missing, with a grisly decoration left behind!. The
Any gathering of locals would be a good place to find
house is easy to find, Happypants’ widow is wailing
information out about Boogermeister Meisterbooger.
out front of a dilapidated looking hovel, Oddly decorated garish tape is strung up all over the place.
Read Aloud:
Investigation: A successful Investigation roll will allow the Heap
to learn Boogermeister Meisterbooger is a long established upstandingish member of the community. He is a Danged Wrangler
As you weave your way past the yellow tape strung up haphazardly around the site, you come across two incredibly dim-
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of some renown who made a good chunk of change animating ...of the DANGED! To act as butlers and maids for clammy
peeps. A raise will also earn them the tale of his father:
posefully toward the Meisterbooger manse, ignoring everything
around it.
As the hobnailed boot comes to contact with the trickle of sewage eunning down the street to the sewer grill, his form seems
to collapse upon itself and flows down into the sewer grate.
Read Aloud:
“Now his Pa, that there is a strange tale on its own. The old
Horc was passin out Santanmas gifts every day out front of the
manse, just like Boogermeister does now. He was right proud o’
his Santan Claws suit—always said he was lookin forward ter
the day when he could pass that ratty old hat on ter his son to
keep the tradition goin’.”
The grizzled old Horc takes another stiff draught from the drink
you bought him.
“Then comes the nineth day of Santanmas and he up and just
disappears, suit and all. Some folks say he dun run off with his
mistress, but I donno, he sure seemed attached to that larva o’
his, and iffin he was gonna bolt, I can’t believe it would be on
Santanmas Eve…”
Danged Wrangling: A successful Danged Wrangling roll will
reveal the apparition just seen is an ...of the Danged. A Raise will
reveal it is a Slitch, but no information about its capabilities (they
are REAL rare after all. A second raise allows the peep to know
the specifics of a Slitch
Knowledge[...of the Danged] (TN 8): A successful will reveal
the apparition just seen is an ...of the Danged!
If any of the HEAP are Whole Hole Explorer’s Societe’ members, remind them the local chapter house
will have a fairly comprehensive Zazz library...
If the Heap doesn’t think of it, have one of the local
Another murder was committed during the night In
hoinks mention they are going to be on a stakeout
addition to the Smelf bone tree, nose bits and intes-
over on Tighty Whitey street and it’s a SHAME they
tine garnish, three Smelven hands dangled from the
don’t know of any SUSPECTS whose manse could be
“branches”.
WATCHED (hint, hint).
On the Third Day of Santanamas...
Hopefully the Heap gets the clue—feel free to bludgeon them if they don’t think of it. No rolls necessary—at midnight on the Third Day of Santanmas, for
anyone watching the front of the Meisterbooger
manse read the following
Read Aloud:
Just after midnight a cool mist begins to coalesce in the streets
before the manse. The twisting of the mists diffuses light of the
street lamps making it look like strange shapes stalk through
the obscurity.
Suddenly a stocky figure, seems to appear in the mists. The figure wearing a tattered Santan Claws outfit hanging loose on
boney shoulders, moans as it shuffles forward. It moves pur-
Should the Heap decide to avail themselves of the
Somewhat Unusual Whole Hole Explorer’s Societe’ (W.H.E.S’) library, it will take about half a day to
locate the chapter house and pour through the
books.
Investigation: For each hour a peep spends doing research in
the W.H.E.S’ Library, make a straight Investigation roll for each
peep researching. A raise also reveals the next tidbit of information.
1.
On the First Success the creature is revealed to be an ...of
the Danged!
2.
On the Second Success, it is identified as a Slitch.
3.
On the Third Success, the “Splooge” ability is detailed (see
appendix ii)
4.
On the Fourth Success, the “I’ll Be Back” ability is detailed
5
5.
(see appendix ii)
and if you listen carefully you hear the sound of a tiny scream!
On the Fifth Success, the “FREEZE!” ability is detailed (see
appendix ii)
The Bubba Fungus lining the walls of the sewers is
completely harmless (but SKAWEY!!!) and gives off
enough light to provide dim illumination for 4 inches.
The blood like fluids are just fluids that look like
Ok...Who Cut the Cheese?
blood, and the noise is gas trapped in the fungi cor-
Should the Heap decide to investigate the sewers
players start acting skittish about the fungus, have
pus, released when they are compressed. If any of the
where they witness the Slitch disappear.
them do a straight Spirit check, on a fail, they start
hearing the sound of furtive movement in the darkness...
Strength (TN 10): A success is required to pull the corroded
grate up to allow egress to the sewers below. A cooperative roll
is allowed, no penalty for repeated attempts.
The sewer extends out of sight both to the Heap’s
left and right, to the left leads in the general direction of the Meisterbooger manse. Approximately 10
The sewers are dark, dank and REALLY foul smelling. yorts down the Sewer, the Heap will discover a pipe
They consist of tunnels carved through the bedrock., leading up on an angle toward the Meisterbooger
originally two yorts wide and two yorts from the
manse. Originally a yort in diameter, it is now thor-
domed ceiling to the narrow ledge that runs along
oughly clogged with Bubba Fungus.
one side of a trough that fills the rest of the width.
Stinking effluvia fills the trough up close to the level
Notice: A success reveals steps, clogged with Bubba Fungus,
carved along the lower surface of the pipe.
of the ledge, obviously swollen by the week long
Stanky Rain.
Read Aloud:
Climbing up the pipe requires a Climb roll due to the
The sewers are dark, dank and REALLY foul smelling. They consist of tunnels carved through the bedrock., originally two yorts
wide and two yorts from the domed ceiling to the narrow ledge
that runs along one side of a trough that fills the rest of the
width. Stinking effluvia fills the trough up close to the level of
the ledge, obviously swollen by the week long Stanky Rain.
obstruction, slimy fungus and raw sewage dribbling
down it.
Climbing [TN 6 (+2 if steps were noticed)]: A failure results in
a peep losing their grip, sliding town the pipe, and falling into
the sewage stream—taking anyone behind them with them. The
unlucky sewage swimmers will take a d6 Damage roll the round
they fall in and each additional round they remain in the acidic
waste.
Though at one time the ledge was probably easily navigable by
a standard sized peep, over the years the ledge has crumbled
away in spots leaving gaps. The remaining ledge, walls and
ceiling are heavily coated in a thick coat of slimy fungus. The
fungus glows with a barely perceptible violet, almost ultraviolet bio-luminescence.
Climbing [TN 6]: To crawl out of the sewage and onto the ledge.
All the fungus appears to be gently pulsating, almost like a living, beating heart!
Approximately 50 yorts up the pipe, a peep will find
her way blocked by an obstruction of some sort. It
Whenever you step on a patch or brush up against a wall, a
viscous red fluid (you could swear it looks like blood!) oozes out
appears to be an old moldy sack … and a moldy, tat-
6
tered piece of cloth…
The Meisterbooger comes shooting through the doorway, the
same expression on his face as last time you saw him with the
addition of foam flecking his purpled cheeks.
The heap is unable to force their way further up the
pipe requiring a second climbing roll (see above) to
When he sees the remnants of the hat he stops in his tracks. His
voice wavering he points a shaky finger at it and croaks out
safely descend to the sewer ledge below.
Read Aloud:
“Wwwhere… did you get that!?!”
Upon examining the artifacts, the bag contains a wooden dagger—a smudged tag indicates it was intended for “Little Finky
Two-Toes”, and a headless smelf doll whose tag reads “Sallie
Snot-Gurggle”.
The Meisterbooger appears to have something in his
eye as a slimy tear traces down his cheek. He snatches the hat from the peep, holding the slimy material
The tattered piece of cloth is the remains of a red fur hat,
trimmed in grey fur. Inside is a message, scrawled in handwriting that was barely legible when fresh!
to his breast, he asks where they found it.
“To my son, who doesn’t suck a lot—keep the tradition alive”
Slitch and the undelivered toys, Meisterbugger will be
With prompting as necessary from Buggermeister
Meisterbugger, once the Heap explains about the
their new best friend. All these years he had thought
his father had abandoned him and shacked up with
On the Fourth Day of Santanamas...
some strumpets over in Torkle.
All the Heap has to do now to lay the slitch of Old
If asked about the two other gifts, Boogermeister will
Hoss Meisterbooger is deliver these three items to
inform the Heap Little Finky is now a bouncer over at
their intended recipients.
Stan’s Girdle and Sallie married a Smelf named Leg-
Upon ringing the door gong at the palatial Meis-
less Snootynose—he scribbles down an address about
terbooger manse, an of the Danged… answers the
six blocks over in the Smelf district.
door.
After the antics in “A Little Off the Top”, the Heap
Read Aloud:
is pretty familiar with the staff over at Stan’s Girdle—none of them recalls a bouncer named Little
The reverberation of the door gong fades away, replaced by a
“Thump, slide, thump, slide” from within.
Finky… If asked Boogermeister will insist he still goes
by that name.
The door slowly creaks open, inside an ...of the Danged!, wearing a musty old dinner jacket, ripped and torn, with missing
buttons stands within. Evidently in life it had been a croach, as
when it cocks it’s eye brow, a bent antenna falls from its head.
When the Heap asks for Little Finky at Stan’s Girdle
read the following:
Read Aloud:
“Unnnhgh?” it inquires
After crossing the draw bridge at the public entrance to Stan’s
Girdle, a bored looking gate guard asks you for your tickets.
Upon explaining you want to see a “Little Finky” whom you understand bounces here, the guard begins laughing uproariously,
slapping his knee.
After you ask for Boogermeister, the ...of the Danged! Shuffles
off, waving you in. it waves you at some musty chairs in the
hallway and shuffles off through a doorway. Though to the best
of your knowledge ...of the Danged are incapable of speech,
you could have sworn you heard this one mutter “Oh, this is
going to be good!” as it disappears from view.
“Hey Sal”, he calls back to the inner gate guard, “These guys
want to see ‘Little Finky!’.
From further in the Manse you hear, “WELL SET THE SLOGS ON
THEM!”
The second guard, Sal, joins the first and breaks out laughing,
7
Throatripper thanks the Heap and lets them know he
“Well then we’ll ‘ave ter get him ter come round won’t we?”
will put them on the VIP list, so anytime they visit,
Sal grabs a giggity, tethered to an alcove in the wall, bonks him
on the head and screams into his single ear, “LITTLE FINKY TO
THE FRONT GATE…. YOU ‘AVE VISITORS!”
they can come in through the “Special” door.
Sallie Snotgurgle-Snootynose is anti-climatic at best.
She answers the door, asks them what they want,
He un-teathers the giggity which promptly flies off into the old
fortress. You can all hear it crying out, “LITTLE FINKY TO THE
FRONT GATE…. YOU ‘AVE VISITORS!” every five seconds as it
makes its way through Stan’s Girdle.
takes the doll and slams the door in their faces.
Read Aloud:
As the door slams shut, a foul ordure wafts up from a near by
sewer grate. A foul, viscous fluid oozes out between the bars
and coalesces into the ghostly shape of a Horc in a Santan
Claws suit, only this time, the image is slightly translucent and
the Horc appears as he probably did in life, his Santan Claws
suit clean and new. Two other figures in Santan suits, also
translucent, slowly appear in turn beside him.
Exactly four minutes thirty-seven seconds later a strange tremor can be felt through the bedrock. The foot steps grow steadily
stronger as the biggest, ugliest Horc you have ever seen rounds
the corner. With a prolonged scraping sound he pulls a gigantic
skiz from the scabbard on his back that must be at least three
yorts long and razor sharp. Though it easily weighs over a hundred yorts, the behemoth handles it easily with one taloned
paw. Obviously his mother was stepping out with an Umbercuke!
His hands clasped before him, the spectre nods to each of the
Heap, one at a time then in a deep, gravely, but somehow fatherly voice it speaks.
“WHO DARES MOCK THROATRIPPER STABBY SPLEENPUNCTURER REX?”
“My thanks for fulfilling my final vow and allowing my spirit to
rest! And remember… the farts… will always be with you!”
At this point in time the two gate guards are literally rolling
around on the ground unable to control their mirth.
It raises its hand in farewell and then he and the other two
whom you have no idea who they are, nod sagely to each other
and then slowly fade away.
Persuasion [TN 8]: A success is required to calm Throatripper
down long enough to explain their mission.
Outro
Read Aloud:
The Heap’s job here is done. They have earned the
Throatripper gingerly excepts the ancient toy from the Heap.
respect and goodwill of Buggermeister Meisterbugger
“I always wanted one of these when I wuz just a grub”, he says,
almost to himself.
as well as (once he gets ahold of her) Chief
“Hey!”, Sal manages to joke out between laughs, “Careful! You
can put an EYE out with that!’
away, the Heap will feel a weight settle in their clam
Which of course sets off the two guards in a fresh round of
guffaws.
in them.
B’Lizz’kNzzk. As the spectre Boogey Knights fade
pouch. Each will find fifty slimy clams have appeared
Quick as lightening, Throatripper’s paw shoots out, barrying the
toy dagger to the hilt in Sal’s eye socket. Sal scrams in pain and
collapses dead on the floor.
“Oi”, Throatripper says, “Got THAT right!”
8
Appendix 1: NPP’s
Cyndy Loo-Hoop
or long time close proximity
er the presents and deliver them—
Smelf Strumple
to ...of the Danged, the corpse
completing his mission.
Cyndy is a Novice Stympet, though
good at her job. Now that she no
may be re-animated as a Slitch.
The slitch will seek to fulfill the
His sack contains a wooden dagger
which goes to Little Finky Two-
longer has a Pimp, she would make un-fulfillment left over from when Toes (Who is now a bouncer at
a wonderful addition to a peep
they were alive, or rather a horri-
Stan’s Girdle), a headless smelf doll
who would maybe opt for a new
bly perverted version of it that
that goes to Sallie Snot-Gurggle
career?
usually involves pain and seeping
(Who married a Smelf named Leg-
bodily fluids. They are sentient
less Snootynose) and his Santan
(though not particularly intelli-
Claws hat which goes to Bugger-
Attributes: Agility d8, Smarts d4,
Spirit d4, Strength d6, Vigor d8
Skills : Climbing d4, Fighting d4,
Gambling d4, Healing d4,
Knowledge (Carmel Sutra) d8,
Lockpicking d4, Notice d4, Performing d6, Persuasion d4, Swimming d4
Hindrances: Curious (Major), Sort
of Clueless (Minor), Habit (Minor)
Edges: Strumple, Acrobat, Ambidextrous
Gear
Leather Kink-suit, Flail
gent), and they may not try and kill meister Meisterbugger.
you if they really liked you when
they were alive, but their point of
view is skewed by being ...of the
Slitch Wild Card
A Slitch is a rare ...of the Danged
which is spontaneously generated
rather than raised by a Danged
Wrangler. When a peep with deep
regret about some un-fulfillment
Spirit d10, Strength d12, Vigor d8
Danged and they will probably try
Skills: Fighting d10, Notice d8,
useful to your forehead!
Pace: 6, Parry: 7, Tough: 9
Slitches can only be laid to rest by
See the Slitch entry in Appendix
fulfilling their un-fulfillment.
II: Critters
to “help” you by stapling something Stealth d12+2, Tracking d10
Santan Claws was formed when
Buggermeister Meisterbugger’s
father, caught up in the spirit of
Satanmas, dressed up like Santan
Claws, gathered up all the sharp
pointed implements to hand out to
Santan Claws ...of the
Danged
Attributes: Agility d8, Smarts d4,
the neighborhood brats (as had
become his custom) and drunk on
cheap rot gut, thought it was a
good idea to climb the sere pipe
into the family estate and surprise
his son. He became wedge fast in
the pipe in the wall adjacent to
the chamber Buggermeister Meisterbugger works his Danged Wran-
gling. Twenty years later a Slitch is
they have, dies and the corpse is in born!
close proximity to years of Danged
The only way to put Santan Claws
Wrangling zazz being cast near by
down is to find the corpse, recov-
9
Appendix ii: Beasts
Slitch
A Slitch is a rare ...of the Danged
which is spontaneously generated
rather than raised by a Danged
Wrangler. When a peep with deep
Wound Modifiers or extra damage
from called shots. They add +2
when recovering from being Shaken and +2 to their Toughness because they are tough, which is
what Toughness means.
FORMERLY ALIVE: …of the Danged
they have, dies and the corpse is in weren’t always that way. They are
made from previously living peeps
close proximity to years of Danged
and critters. As such, they often
Wrangling zazz being cast near by
retain many of the assets of their
or long time close proximity
departed selves, including natural
weapons and other such functo ...of the Danged, the corpse
tions.
may be re-animated as a Slitch.
regret about some un-fulfillment
I’LL BE BACK...: the only way to lay
a Slitch to rest is to fulfill whatever undone task(s) brought it back
in the first place, after which the
Slitch will sigh, thank you, crawl
into their grave and peacefully die
real death.
If a Slitch is incapacitated, its corporeal form will melt away into a
nasty puddle of sludge that will
slowly ooze away into the nearest
sewer or source of sewage. The
Slitch will reform in the sewer 24
hours later, fully healed.
FREEZE: If a peep is touched by a
Slitch, they must succeed at a
un-fulfillment left over from when
Spirit test (Target 8) or be frozen
REND: If an opponent is Shaken or
they were alive, or rather a horristiff in fear for 1d3 rounds.
Wounded by both claw attacks he
bly perverted version of it that
must make an opposed Strength
usually involves pain and seeping
roll against the Slitch or take 2d10
points of additional damage. If his
bodily fluids. They are sentient
strength roll or Wild Dice roll is a 1
(though not particularly intellihe is ripped apart and dies immedigent), and they may not try and kill
ately (unless he is able to somehow
you if they really liked you when
survive being ripped apart).
they were alive, but their point of
SWISS FINGER ATTACHMENTS:
view is skewed by being ...of the
Slitches attach sharp implements
Danged and they will probably try (dagger, steak knives, sporks,
to “help” you by stapling something skizzors) to their fingers giving
them a Str+d10 attack with each
useful to your forehead!
hand. Slitches may attack with
Slitches can only be laid to rest by both hands with no multi-action
fulfilling their un-fulfillment.
penalty
The slitch will seek to fulfill the
Attributes: Agility d8, Smarts d4,
Spirit d10, Strength d12, Vigor d8
Skills: Fighting d10, Notice d8,
Stealth d12+2, Tracking d10
Pace: 6, Parry: 7, Tough: 9
Special Abilities
...OF THE DANGED: All …of the
Danged are immune to diseases
and poison. They do not suffer
AIN’T SKEERT: Immune to Fear
and Intimidation.
SPLOOGE: Slitch can voluntarily
take on the form of a nasty pool
of sludge. The Slitch retains control over its form and can mover
freely though the smallest cracks.
They may move through any impure liquid and frequently use
sewer pipes to get around. It takes
one round as a free action to decompose to sludge and one round
as a full action to re-incorporate
into Slitch form.
10
Appendix iii: Maps (All Maps Available Online HERE)
Map 1a: The Rub n’ Chug—First Floor
The Rub n’ Chug is a two level Sudsmidin / Flop
Lock Picking (Target 8): A success indicates the lock has been
picked
House / Gooseateria in the heart of the Hoop hood,
run by Bub Crotchit, a burly croach with some kind
of nasty skin condition.
A) Entrance
G) Bub’s Private Quarters
A lavish bed, dressing table and Werm Silk rugs
(worth 100 clams each) adorn the room. A Large
The double fungus plank doors stand open. The inte-
chest holds all of Bub’s moltings from the last 5 years
rior of the Rub n’ Chug can be seen beyond
and a smaller chest holds 413 clams cash, a belly but-
B) Main Salon
ton jewel worth 47 clams and three Greater Healing
vapors in bottles. The door is solid Mucosite
Five octagonal tables stand mostly un-occupied at this (Toughness 10)
time of day. A rather plump Werm sits at the table
closest to the bar, with a Croach strumpet on one
arm and a Tweenk strumpet on the other. They are all
Lock Picking (Target 10): A success indicates the lock has been
picked
stock still, mouth agape, staring at Cyndy through the
open door.
H) Stairway Up to Second Level
C) The Bar
A lavish bed, dressing table and Werm Silk rugs
A bar spans the width of the Rub n’ Chug between
(worth 100 clams each) adorn the room. A Large
the staircase going up and the kitchen.
D) Store Room
Map 1b: The Rub n’ Chug—Second Floor
A store room with barrels of assorted cheap booze
The second floor has some rooms (the hourly rental
and bulk storage dry goods for the kitchen.
type), a bath-o-teria and some squats for the pimps…
E) The Kitchen
Health inspection? You MUST be high! Two stoves
covered with nasty used cookware and the remnants
from several days worth of meals are along the north
wall. A cupboard and a broad table covered with ingredients are against the east wall and a small preparation table with a huge ass butcher cleaver on the
west.
F) Bub’s Office
Contains a desk, a book case filled with werm hentai
manga and a purple variegated potted fungus. The
door to the office is a thick, metal reinforced fungus
er managers...
K) Staircase down
The double fungus plank doors stand open. The interior of the Rub n’ Chug can be seen beyond
L) Empty Flop
A 10x10 Spartan room with a pile of pillows in one
corner.
M) Occupied Flop
Occupied by a Snell gadabout getting busy with a
Werm strumpet.
N) Empty Luxury Flops
plank door.
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Empty
P) The Atanist Room
A 10x10 yort room with a pentagram painted on the
floor and a variety of S&M implements in racks on the
wall.
Q) Occupied Room
Her Illustrious Mayorship Buffalope Lobstereel is
getting her horns shined.
R) Empty Pimp Crib
A 10x10 yort room with a table, some chairs and a
pack of cards,
S) Bath Room
10x20 room with four copper tubs.
T) Un-Occupied Water Closets
Empty… and stinky
U) The Scene of the Crime
A pimp crib, liberally sprayed with blood. On the table
stands the Smelf Bone Tree.
V) Water Closet With Open Door
This is the WC that Santan Claws used to escape
down—MAN that is nasty!
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Map 1a: The Rub n’ Chug—First Floor
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Map 1a: The Rub n’ Chug—First Floor
14