2012 10 BP Sac-Placer News October

Transcription

Bereaved Parents of the USA
Sacramento-South Placer County Chapter
October 2012
Gatherings & Activities
Inside this issue
October 2012 Gatherings
October Gatherings
1
Welcome
2
Keys to Recovery
2
Tyler’s Life
3
In Memory of Julia Hallagan
4
Children and Grief
5
What It Means to Move On
5
Pregnancy & Infant Loss
Awareness Month
6
2012 Candle Lighting
8
2013 National Gathering
8
Reader’s Choice
9
Moms
Sacramento Valley Area (First Thursday)
Date & Time: Thursday, October 4, 6:00 p.m.
Location: Jean’s home in Citrus Heights. For address, RSVP to
ChrisHarder@HeritageOaksMC.com or 916-768-3891.
Details: Bring a favorite main dish, salad or dessert to share.
We encourage everyone to bring a photo of their child in a
Halloween costume.
South Placer County Foothills Area (Second Thursday)
Location: St. Teresa Catholic Church, Beatitudes Room
11600 Atwood Rd, Auburn, 95603. (The Beatitudes Room is
located in the small building directly behind the church.)
Details: Bring a favorite main dish, salad or dessert to share.
We encourage everyone to bring a photo of their child in a
Halloween costume.
RSVP to ChrisHarder@HeritageOaksMC.com or 916-768-3891.
Family Bulletin Board
10
BP/USA Guiding Principles
11
Chapter Contacts
11
Local Resources
12
Resources for Children
13
Dads
Internet Resources
14
Counselors
15
Sac Valley/South Placer County Areas (Second Thursday)
Location: Carrow’s Restaurant, 100 N Sunrise Ave, Roseville.
Details: Dinner ordered individually from the menu.
RSVP to RonHarder@HeritageOaksMC.com or 916-806-7305.
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
Save the date!
November Parent Groups
Moms 11/1 & 11/8; Dads 11/8
National Gathering, 7/26-28/ 2013
2012 Worldwide Candle Lighting
Sacramento, California
December 9, 2012, 6:00 p.m. The Worldwide Candle
Lions Gate Hotel & Conference Center
Lighting gives families everywhere the opportunity to
Remember their child…that their light may always shine!
A Warm and Understanding Welcome to Our Newcomers
If you are reading our newsletter for the first time, we hope you have found the information
to be helpful. We would like to invite you to join us at one of our upcoming support groups
or activities. We would never have chosen to join this “club,” but as we learn together how to
process our grief, we are thankful for our new friends. We are here to help.
KEYS TO RECOVERY
Part 10 of a series
Back to Work
At some point following our child’s death, many of us
have to return to work. Some of us do not have the luxury
of taking as much time off as we need to deal with our
jumbled emotions. There are others who are self-employed
and taking care of your responsibilities can be
overwhelming. Stay-at-home moms would fall into this
category as well.
Everybody’s work conditions are different. Some may
work for a company that is willing to overlook additional
time off. Many work in an environment where you have to
punch a time clock. Whatever your situation, getting back
to life outside the safety of your home can be daunting.
You may have mixed feelings about people talking to
you about your loss. You’re afraid you’ll have a meltdown if they say something, but if they don’t, then you’ll
wonder if they even care. It’s a dilemma for them as well.
They don’t know what to say and they don’t want to say
the wrong thing. They don’t understand your pain and
they hope that they never have to walk in your shoes.
Here are some suggestions for making your return to
the workplace easier on you and your co-workers.
• Before you return, be in contact with your supervisor or
human resources representative about how you are
doing. They may suggest some options for you.
• Write a back-to-work grief letter to your boss and key
co-workers explaining how you feel and what you need
and want from your co-workers. Let them know whether
or not you prefer that people talk with you about it or if
you’d rather they leave you alone.
Grief is a process.
Recovery is a choice.
The way we grieve is a decision.
• You might consider making arrangements to drop by
and say, “Hi,” prior to your first day back at work.
The first contact is always the worst, and this will give
you an opportunity to get those initial responses over
with. Regardless of how strong you want to be, this
will be an emotional time for everyone. Getting the
initial face-to-face situation over with without having
to deal with working the rest of the day will be easier
on you and them.
• Usually when a person says something, they’re trying
to be helpful. It’s easy for us to get angry when we
hear cliché's, but try not to take offense. If they
haven’t experienced this depth of loss, they truly don’t
understand. It’s best just to let these comments go.
• Understand that there may be moments when the tears
will fall and, if you can, you’ll have to take a break
from your work station to pull yourself together. Be
easy on yourself. Talk with your supervisor about
how you are feeling.
• You may realize that you won’t be able to continue
working in the same capacity you did prior to the
death of your child. Speak with your human resources
representative to find out what options you have.
• Eventually, your co-workers will be reabsorbed in
their work and appear to give little thought about what
you’re still going through. They may wonder why it
is taking so long for you to get back to being your old
self. Reassure them that you are working on it, but
dealing with losing a child is a long process and
you’re still taking it a day at a time.
STEPS TO HELP YOU MOVE FORWARD: 1) Communicate with the person you report to at your workplace. Let them
know how you are feeling and what your preferences are. 2) You may have to educate your boss or co-workers about
grief. One way to do this is with a grief letter. Writing out your thoughts and feelings is a very helpful way to sort out
your emotions. 3) Focusing will be a challenge. Instead of tackling a large project your first week back, pick a small
task and focus only on that one thing until you complete it. 4) Making decisions can be daunting. If big decisions need
to be made, enlist the assistance of someone who can help you work through that process. 5) Do a self-check
periodically to analyze your on-the-job performance. You will probably be surprised at the steady positive progress
you are making. 6) Lastly, as time goes on and you see yourself doing better, don’t let your grief become an excuse for
not doing your best. In time, your focus and energy will return, and you won’t feel so emotional. Always strive to do
the best that you can at your job.
BP/USA Sacramento-South Placer County Chapter Newsletter – October 2012 – Page 2
Tyler’s Life
By Monica Nunes
Sacramento-South Placer County Chapter/BPUSA
In loving memory of Tyler Steven Dixon
January 22, 1991 – January 21, 2011
Tyler enjoying the rewards of
his favorite past time.
I gave birth to Tyler Steven Dixon on January 22, 1991. Like most parents, Greg and I
always did what we could for him. We wanted him to be a good person, and we tried to
lead him in that direction. As a young child, he was constantly smiling. He had an
amazing smile! And he was very smart, and funny, too. He started kindergarten at age
4½. As he grew older, he enjoyed fishing and riding his dirt bike. Video games were also
one of his favorite past times. He loved his dogs, Britni and Sierra, and enjoyed spending
time with his cousins and friends.
Tyler was a good student. In sixth grade, he earned a straight A report card! He was so
proud of that, and so were we! High school was a different story however. His interests
started changing. His grades dropped drastically. Instead of straight A's, he was failing
nearly every class. He also started acting out in school and was suspended several times.
Eventually, he was kicked out and had to attend continuation school where he managed
to earn enough credits to get his diploma and graduate from high school. He confidence
Greg, Tyler (age 12), Monica’s
mom & Monica
After graduating in 2010, Tyler was able
to get a job working construction.
He started out as a runner and acquired
other construction skills. His selfesteem and confidence levels were very
low, but Tyler learned how to install
dry wall and was very good at it. He
appeared to enjoy this opportunity to
succeed. However, in January 2011, his
work habits started to reflect a
Tyler (age 10), Monica & Greg
change. He kept saying he was going to
quit his job but never actually told
enjoying a cruise
his boss. He would just not show up to
work, yet told his dad there was no or
work. He would not return phone calls to
to his boss. me
work
That year, Tyler’s birthday fell on a Saturday. We were making plans to celebrate, but he had different ideas. It
was a birthday that none of us will ever forget. Tyler decided that he no longer wanted to be in this world and on
Friday, January 21, 2011, the day before he turned 20, he took his life.
My entire family is devastated. But how can anyone be more devastated than me, his mom?
The three years leading up to Tyler’s death had been difficult between Tyler and me. During those
last weeks just prior to his death, however, we had turned a corner and were at a point where our
relationship was improving. The note he left brings some comfort, but there are many unanswered
questions…questions that will never have answers. one
It is difficult to understand why anyone would want to take their own life. Especially one so young, so full of
energy, and with so much to look forward to. I saw the signs, but my cries for help went unanswered. “He's fine. He'll
be okay,” was what I heard. I do not blame anyone for what they said. Maybe I could've done more. Perhaps we all
Sometimes
peoplexxx
could’ve done
more to try to help him. But sometimes
Suicide is a national health problem that takes an
that doesn’t matter. Sometimes people don’t want anyone
enormous toll on family, friends, co-workers, and the
else’s help.
entire community. The American Foundation for
Now, all I can do is honor him…and honor him I Suicide Prevention (AFSP) raises funds through the
will. On October 6, 2012, I will be participating in the “Out of the Darkness Walks” for research and
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Out of the education programs to prevent suicide and save lives,
Darkness Walk. A group of friends will join me increase national awareness about depression and
(Tyman’s Team) in the walk while others have made suicide, and assist survivors of suicide loss. For
donations on behalf of my son. It's the very least I can additional information, visit their fundraising website
do, and if it helps someone else, well that's one less http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donor
family that won't have to go through what my family Drive.home.
deals with every day.
In Loving Memory of
Julia Marie Halligan
January 15, 1988 – October 28, 2011
God Hath Not Promised
God hath not promised skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God hath not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.
God hath not promised we shall not know
Toil and temptation, trouble and woe;
He hath not told us we shall not bear
Many a burden, many a care.
God hath not promised smooth roads and wide,
Swift, easy travel, needing no guide;
Never a mountain, rocky and steep,
Never a river, turbid and deep.
Fondly shared by Deborah Halligan
in honor of her daughter who she loves
and misses very much.
But God hath promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.
This was a poem that Julia kept in her room.
To listen to the beautiful melody of this song, visit
http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/nt/720#ixzz27oe9
LSsd.
“O LORD, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down
and my rising up; You understand my thoughts afar off. You comprehend my
path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways.
Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?
For You have formed my inward parts; You have covered me in my mother’s
womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: Marvelous
are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden
from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts
of the earth.”
Portions of Psalm 139
Children & Grief
By Ages & Stages
By Kelly Baltzell M.A. & Karin Baltzell Ph.D.
Children do grieve. Grief is expressed differently emotionally and physically depending on the age of the child. As
an adult, try not to impose your expectations on a child
regarding how he/she should look, act or feel in reaction to
death. Knowing the age-stage of the grieving child can
help you help the child.
Birth to Age 3
1. View of death: The child sees death as a loss, separation
or abandonment. Death as a concept difficult to understand. There is no sense of permanence.
2. Warning signs: Look for unusual behavior.. A normally
quiet child may begin to “act out,” become aggressive,
hard to settle down and irritable. A usually active child
may become withdrawn or sluggish.
3. Help the child: Keep daily schedules normal. Provide
as much security and reassurance as possible.
Age 3 to 6
1. View of death: At this stage, a child sees things as reversible and temporary. Death and life are hard to separate.
They may believe in “magical thinking” and that their
thoughts can cause things to happen such as a death, or
bringing someone back to life.
2. Warning signs: Children may exhibit nightmares, confusion, eating, sleeping, bladder or bowel problems and/
or revert to an earlier stage of development. Some-times
they may seem to be unaffected by the death. Do not
hesitate to get help as soon as possible if behavior
changes.
3. Help the child: Talk about the death using books and
stories. Explain that they did not “think” the death or
make it happen. Reassure them that their thoughts and
behaviors had nothing to do with the death.
Age 7 & 8
1. View of death: Children start seeing death as final. The
concept for many kids is that death happens to the old
but not to them. Many questions will emerge about
death.
2. Warning signs: Children may have problems in school,
become aggressive, quiet, clingy, or think they have
numerous health problems. Watch for signs of
depression such as crying all the time, not wanting to get
out of bed or thoughts of dying. They may not want to
sleep in their own bed anymore. Take everything
seriously. Do not hesitate to get help as soon as possible
if the child’s behavior changes. (Continued on page 5)
What It Means to Move On
Moving on does not mean . . .
• you forget the person.
• you never feel the pain of your loss.
• you believe that life is fair.
Moving on does mean . . .
• you experience a lessening of the pain.
• you can treasure your best memories of the
person who has died.
• you can realistically accept the different
aspects of your loss.
• you can form new relationships, try new
things.
Moving on also means . . .
• you grow in grace and in your walk with God.
• you accept your loss and forgive others.
• you understand that both joy and loss are a
part of life.
• you believe that God is good, even when life
isn't.
GriefShare Daily Email - Day 253
“I find that the great thing in this world is
not so much where we stand, as in what
direction we are moving.”
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes ~
Children & Grief
(continued from page 4)
Age 9 & Older
1. View of death: By now, the child understands that death
death is going to happen. By the time kids are 12, they
they know for sure that death is final and irreversible.
They not only know it could happen to someone else,
but also to themselves.
2. Warning signs: Children may exhibit a wide range of
feelings including shock, denial, anxiety, fear, anger,
depression or even withdrawal. Their reactions begin to
be much more like an adult except they may act out their
grief by behavioral changes at home or school. Take
everything seriously. Do not hesitate to get help as soon
as possible if behavior changes and seems inappropriate.
3. Help the child: Talk about death openly and honestly.
Answer the child’s questions completely. Be forthright
about your emotions. Encourage the child to talk..
Listen patiently. Do not try to “correct” their feelings.
Help the child find others in their age group to talk to.
It is important to remember that children are individuals.
The information provided is general and may not apply to
all children of the same age group. There are qualified and
effective resources to help children deal with the loss of a
sibling, parent, grandparent , or friend who they loved very
much. For additional information on this topic, speak with
one of the leaders in our bereaved parent group.
# # #
HOPE
Hope is like the sun, which,
as we journey toward it,
casts the shadow of our
burden behind us.
~ Samuel Smiles
October is
Pregnancy
& Infant Loss
Awareness Month
By Rebecca Erickson
President of Sharing Parents Pregnancy &
Infant Loss Support Group, Sacramento, CA
In October 1988, President Ronald Regan proclaimed the month of October to be “Pregnancy and
Infant Loss Awareness Month.” In his speech, he
noted that our society has terms for the loss of a spouse
(widow or widower) and a child who has lost a parent
(orphan), but no term to describe a parent who has lost
a child. Such a loss is unimaginable and indescribable.
Child loss goes against the natural order. The lack of a
term to describe a parent who has lost a child could be
viewed as symptomatic of society’s tendency to ignore
the reality of child loss.
Our society tends to have difficulty acknowledging
and discussing death in general—let alone the death of
a child. The loss of a child during pregnancy or early
infancy is further minimized in our society. When it
comes to child loss, people tend to think that how long
you’ve known a child dictates how much you love it.
In Sharing Parents’ experience, how much one loves a
child does not depend on how long the child lives. As
long time Sharing Parents volunteer, Deanna Lockhart,
describes it, “Parental love is instinctual and complete.
Many new parents are instantly in love before the baby
is born. This intense love doesn’t increase as our
children get older; we just get more experienced in
loving our children. Parents have more memories as
the child gets older, but we don’t love our children any
less if they die very young.”
Parents grieving their babies are also grieving the
loss of potential. As Doug Manning states in his 2003
Special Care Series of bereavement books, “the child
has not lived long enough to establish their
significance in the world so we must establish it for
them. It is almost as if we must walk through the
world for the child.” At Sharing Parents, we find that
bereaved parents are also grieving what they imagined
parenthood would be like. Parents who have no other
living children may even question whether they are
parents.
(Continued on pg 7)
Sharing Parents Meeting Options
Pregnancy & Infant Loss
(continued from page 5)
Some might be shocked at the frequency of pregnancy
and infant loss in the United States. Miscarriage rates are
usually reported as 1 in 4 pregnancies although some
estimates are as high as 1 in 3. The CDC reports one in
every 115 American pregnancies ends in stillbirth—
defined as naturally occurring fetal death after 20 weeks
gestation. This translates to more that 3,000 babies being
stillborn in California each year; 25,000 babies in the
United States each year. Due to the “Back to Sleep”
campaign, SIDS is much more recognized but happens
much less often. The American SIDS Institute reports 1 in
2,500 US children die of SIDS. According to Michael
Bergman’s 2001 book Parenthood Lost, birth defects are
the leading cause of infant mortality in the US, and “of all
infants born each year approximately 1 in 115 has heart
and/or circulatory defects” (203). While these statistics
can be helpful, once we or our baby(ies) have become a
statistic, statistics can loose all meaning. The tragedy
100% happened. The more open parents are about their
loss, the more they might find that they are not alone in
their experience.
Many parents who have experienced a pregnancy or
early infancy loss find themselves in a secret club of which
no one wants to be a part. All too often, pregnancy and
early infancy loss is revealed and discussed only when we
learn someone else has undergone a similar loss.
Fortunately Sharing Parents Pregnancy and Infant Loss
Support Group exists to help support grieving parents over
the age of 18 whose babies have died from conception to
early infancy (up to 6 months of age). Formed in 1981, the
purpose of Sharing Parents is to provide an atmosphere
where grieving parents can come together and share their
feelings about their loss and the love for their babies.
Based in Sacramento, it is a place where parents can both
give and receive emotional support by sharing common
experiences and learn about the natural grief process while
working through their loss-- hence the name, Sharing
Parents.
Sharing Parents is a self help, peer support group. Our
services are free and we are run entirely by volunteers who
have had a pregnancy or early infancy loss. Our meetings
are held at Mercy Women’s Center, 650 Howe Ave, Suite
530, Sacramento, CA. We offer three main types of
support meetings:
• General Meetings are for parents who are looking to
work through their grief and receive support from
other parents regardless of how long ago their loss(es)
occurred. General Meetings meet the second Sunday
of the month from 7-9pm with the exception of May
and October.
• Subsequent Pregnancy Meetings are for parents
who are pregnant or are considering a future
subsequent pregnancy. Subsequent Pregnancy
Meetings are held the fourth Sunday of the month
from 7-9pm with the exception of December.
• Short Term Grief is a month long series of weekly
meetings with the same group of parents within a year
of their loss. We explore grief and the grieving
process. Registration is required to attend our Short
Term Grief Series.
Since the time when President Regan’s speech
brought heightened awareness to pregnancy and infant
loss, October 15 has become internationally recognized
as “Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.”
On October 15th everyone in all time zones all across the
world is encouraged to light a candle at 7pm and keep
the candle lit for one hour. With this simple act, we are
creating a continuous wave of light all across the world.
In place of our October General Meeting, Sharing
Parents holds a non-denominational memorial service
which recognizes and honors our dead babies. This
year’s October Memorial will be October, 14, 2012 from
3-5pm. Anyone who has had a pregnancy or infant loss
is invited to attend. The ceremony takes place in the
State Capitol Park World Peace Rose Garden whose
theme is Peace for Women, Children and Families. The
Sharing Parents October Memorial is a time of sharing
and remembering that includes a candle ceremony,
special music, and a dove release.
More information about Sharing Parents
can be found at www.sharingparents.org.
Questions about Sharing Parents and its services
can be directed to sharingparents@yahoo.com
or our Listening Line at 916-424-5150.
14th Annual
World Wide Candle Lighting
Presented by the
of the Bereaved Parents of the USA
Sunday, December 9, 2012
6:00-8:30 p.m.
This year’s theme is “HOPE
HOPE.”
Photos Needed For Montage
Our local children will be remembered during
this very beautiful and touching memorial
service. To have your child photos included in
the montage, forward 3 photos of your child to
ChrisHarder@HeritageOaksMC.com.
All photos must be received by November 24.
Please include your child’s full name, birthday
and date of death, parent(s) &sibling(s) names.
Hosted by Creekside Church
290 Technology Way
Rocklin, CA 95765
The Worldwide Candle Lighting was begun by The
Compassionate Friends (TCF) in the USA in 1997 as a small
Internet observance. It has since become an event that takes place
throughout the world. This will be the seventh Candle Lighting
sponsored by the Sacramento-South Placer County Chapter of the
BP/USA (formerly Sean Sullivan Project). Families are invited to
bring friends.
There is no charge to attend this event, however donations are
received with gratitude to help defray costs. 501(c)(3). Tax
deductible receipts upon request. Donations received in advance
will be recognized in our printed programs. A donation basket will
also be available at the event.
Golden Nuggets of Hope
2013 National Gathering of the
Lions Gate Hotel &
Conference Center
Sacramento, CA
July 26-28, 2013
Host Chapter:
Sacramento-Placer County
For workshop applications, registration forms, and to
donate visit www.bereavedparentsusa.org/gathering
Why attend a national gathering
for bereaved parents?
These gatherings provide an opportunity to hear
some of the best speakers in the nation who are
experts on on many topics related to grief. You will
receive the tools you need to continue on your
journey as you transition from mourning to living
again after the loss of your child. You will also get
to know many parents from different parts of the
United States who have experienced losses such as
yours. We know we are not alone.
At this conference, the cost for bereaved parents is
kept to a minimum. For additional information and
to register www.bereavedparentsusa.org/gathering.
Help others by getting involved!
We welcome those who would like to join our fundraising team. Materials will be provided to help you approach
local businesses for their support. Let us know of your interest in helping.
Donna Woodard will help you
celebrate your memories
Spend a day with Donna,
making a scrapbook that you
will treasure.
Preserve your memories of your
child.
Bring wallet size photos.
Materials provided at no charge.
Call Donna at 916-338-3521 to
schedule your scrapbooking date!
There isn’t a statute of limitation on grieving. It takes however long it takes
and nobody else should give you a deadline.
~ Author Unknown ~
Reader’s Choice
Help, Comfort & Hope After Losing
Your Baby in Pregnancy or the First Year
By Hannah Lothrop
I didn't know what to do with myself when my son died on Jan. 15, 2002.
I still am having a huge amount of trouble, but this book is helping me
take steps forward even though part of me does not want to. I have
purchased many loss books and this one is the best for practical advice. It
helps you feel less alone, offers you ideas on what you will go through (all
of which you need) but also gives you practical ideas on what to do to
help yourself through this horribly difficult time. It is hands down, one of
the best books I bought. If you buy only one loss book, buy this one.
~ Krista Becker, Posted on Amazon.com
Remember!
When ordered through the
link on the home page of
www.bereavedparentsusa.org,
a donation will be made to the
National Organization.
Thanks for helping!
Losing a child is difficult and I know this first hand… the stories that are shared are both sad, moving, and
comforting. It is a good book to read at a time when you feel so alone in your loss and sadness. It's reassuring to
know that others have been in your shoes… No matter how far along you were when you miscarried or even if the
baby passed away after birth. Very well written, not clinical or preachy like some self help books.
~ Erin, Posted on Amazon.com
Family Bulletin Board
Friends for Survival
Support for those who
have loved ones who
died by suicide
Groups meet monthly:
Heritage Oaks Event
Center, Rocklin.
Details on page 5!
Sacramento: 2nd Tuesday, 7:00-9:15 pm
Marilyn Koenig, 916-392-0664
Roseville: 3rd Thursday, 6:30-8:30 pm
Dorcas Reily, 530-878-3873 or
Michele Murphy 530-346-6343
www.FriendsForSurvival.org
Sponsored by the American
Foundation for Suicide Prevention
Saturday, October 6, 10:00 a.m.
California State Capitol
Goal $55,000
Visit www.BereavedParentsUSA.com and access
Amazon.com through the link at the bottom of
the home page. All purchases made through this
link will benefit the Bereaved Parents of the USA
national organization with 4%-13% of each sale.
Thank you, Amazon!
For research, education, survivor and
awareness programs–both to prevent
suicide and to assist those affected by
suicide.
http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseact
ion=donorDrive.eventDetails&eventID=1724
September Sac Valley Moms Gathering (The Foothills group is smaller & camera shy)
We help each other learn how to smile again.
Bereaved Parents of the USA Guiding Principles
We are the parents whose children have died. We are the grandparents who have buried grandchildren. We are the
siblings whose brothers and sisters no longer walk with us through life.
We come together as Bereaved Parents of the USA to provide a haven where all bereaved families can meet and
share our long and arduous grief journeys. We attend monthly gatherings whenever we can and for as long as we
believe necessary. We share our fears, confusion, anger, guilt, frustrations, emptiness and feelings of hopelessness so
that hope can be found anew. As we accept, support, comfort and encourage each other, we demonstrate to each other
that survival is possible.
Together we celebrate the lives of our children, share the joys and triumphs as well as the love that will never fade.
Together we learn how little it matters where we live, what our color or our affluence is, or what faith we uphold as we
confront the tragedies of our children’s deaths.
Together, strengthened by the bonds we forge at our gatherings, we offer what we have learned to each other and to
every more recently bereaved family.
We are the Bereaved Parents of the USA. We welcome you.
*******************************
What would YOU like to see in this newsletter?
Contact Chris Harder, 916-768-3891 or
ChrisHarder@HeritageOaksMC.com
Our Chapter Contacts
Chris Harder (son, 22, drowning) – 916.768.3891, chrisharder@heritageoaksmc.com
Corinne Summers (son, 22, murdered) – 916.296.2045, corinnesummers7946@comcast.net
Marchelle Meyer (son, 23, motorcycle accident) – 916.947.6767, marchellemeyer@comcast.net
Rinda Pope (son, 19, military active duty Iraq) – 916.524.1939, rindapope@comcast.net
Ron Harder (son, 22, drowning) – 916.806.7605, ronharder@heritageoaksmc.com
Have you had your bear hug today?
Donations Accepted With Appreciation
The Sacramento-South Placer County Chapter of the
Bereaved Parents of the USA provides grief support to
families who have experienced the death of a child. We
are supported by individuals who care. We appreciate and
will use wisely any and all donations for the support of
bereaved families. Donations may be sent to Bereaved
Parents of the USA, 301 Vernon Street #123, Roseville, CA
95678. Tax deductible receipt upon request.
Local Resources for Bereaved Families
The Compassionate Friends
GriefShare (13-week support series)
Adventure Christian Church, Stanford Ranch Road,
Rocklin. Next series begins October 11, and runs
until December 11, 2012. Call Janet Perez 916-7715239 for details.
Visit www.GriefShare.org for additional locations.
GriefShare is designed to allow people to join in at
any time during the series.
Life Beyond Loss (Support Group)
Destiny Christian Church, 6900 Destiny Drive,
Rocklin. A caring support group offering hope &
healing, restoring purpose for your future. The next
5-week program begins October 11 and runs
through October 9. Call 916-780-2273 for
additional information.
Grief Care (8-week support series)
Begins
10/13
A support group for those who have lost a loved one
of any relationship.
Bayside Church of Granite Bay, 1861 Sierra College
Blvd (corner of Sierra College Blvd & Olympus)
Building C-Room 230.
Sessions begin in January, April and October.
7:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m.
Next series runs from October 13 – November 1,
2012. Call 916-780-2273 for more details.
To pre-register call Pam Brubaker, 916-783-0538
Friends for Survival, Support for those who
have loved ones who died by suicide
www.FriendsForSurvival.org
Groups meet monthly:
Sacramento: 2nd Tuesday, 7:00-9:15 pm
Marilyn Koenig, 916-392-0664
Roseville: 3rd Thursday, 6:30-8:30 pm
Dorcas Reily, 530-878-3873 or
Michele Murphy 530-346-6343
Grief Support Group for Young Adults
UC Davis Hospice
An 8-week program for those age 17-25 that deals
with the loss of a loved one.
Contact Don Lewis at 916-734-1139.
http://www.ucdmc.ucdavis.edu/welcome/features/201
0-2011/03/20110309_grief_support.html.
Meeting
Tuesday
10/16
Sacramento Valley Chapter
Contact: 916-457-4096 (message line) or
tcfsacvalley@gmail.com.
Small Discussion Group for newly bereaved parents.
First Tuesday every month, 7:30-9:00 pm, Christ
Community Church, 5025 Manzanita Ave,
Carmichael.
Large gathering for all bereaved parents.
Date: Tuesday, October 16, 7:30-9:00 pm.
Location: North Natomas Library, 4600 Via Ingoglia,
Sacramento
Speaker: Michele Casale, Chaplain from Green
Valley Hospice will present on how examining the
stories of our lives can help us process our losses
through a narrative theory of grief. Using writing
and guided imagery, she will help us explore how our
losses have changed the narrative of our lives.
Sharing Parents Pregnancy & Infant Loss
Support Groups
Free support group for loss of a baby from conception
through early infancy (up to 6 months of age). For
current calendar of meetings visit
www.SharingParents.org , call 916-392-0664, or
email to SharingParents@yahoo.com
Meeting location: Mercy Women’s Center, 650 How
Ave, Ste 530, Sacramento.
1) General meetings monthly for perinatal loss
regardless of how long ago the loss occurred.
2) Subsequent pregnancy meetings held monthly for
parents contemplating future pregnancy or who
are currently pregnant.
3) A four week Short Term Grief series for parents
with recent perinatal loss.
Grief Support Group for Bereaved Parents
UC Davis Hospice
An 8-week educational grief program for parents
who have lost a child age newborn to 21 years.
Contact Don Lewis at 916-734-1139 or email
donald.lewis@ucdmc.ucdavis.edu.
Thank you for sharing resources that
you have found helpful.
Local Resources Especially for Children
Grief & Loss Group for Teens
New!
Guiding Teens Thru Grief
A 7-week peer support group to help teens learn to
express, cope and thrive following the loss of a loved
one or friend. Minimal fee of $38 per 90 minute
session. Next series to begin in October 2012
For information about start date contact co-leaders:
Patricia Allison, LMFT Lic#51011, 916-802-7444 or
Patricia.allison.mft@gmail.com or
Amy Collins, MFC Lic#43835, 916-759-1133 or
path2peace@surewest.net.
Children's Bereavement Art Group
Locations in Placer & Sacramento Counties Meets
weekly
Free to any child 4-16 who has lost a significant
family member within a year
www.checksutterfirst.org/children/services/pedprgms
/childbereave.cfm
Camp Hope – Livermore, CA
A weekend camp for children ages 6-17 who have
lost a significant loved one
www.camphopeca.com
For families with young children
The Sesame Street When
Families Grieve program
was developed to help
children summon the
strength to heal after the
death of a close parent or
sibling.
Contact ChrisHarder@HeritageOaksMC.com to
receive your copy of this very helpful outreach
kit. Available in English and Spanish.
Perhaps they’re not
really stars in the
sky…
Perhaps
they’re openings
in the heavens where
our loved ones shine down
to let us know they are happy.
Internet Resources for Bereaved Families
Umbrella Ministries
A support ministry reaching out to the hurts and
hearts of mothers who have experienced the loss of a
child. www.umbrellaministries.com
View weekly devotionals at
http://umbrellaministriesocla.com/ To subscribe,
email to BLeckie@sbcglobal.net.
Coming soon!
Our Chapter Website!
Watch for us at www.sspcc.com!
Open to Hope (On-line Support)
www.OpenToHope.com
Inspirational stories, radio programs, & videos.
Offering support for bereaved seeking hope.
Their new book, “Open to Hope,” is available on
their website. The companion book, “Hope for the
Holidays,” is also an excellent resource.
GRASP (Grief Recovery after a Substance
Passing)
www.grasphelp.org
Centering Corporation
Grief Resource Center & On-line Book Store
The Grief Digest Magazine available in hard copy
and on-line.
www.centering,org
Christopher’s Candle.com
Lighting the path through suicide loss
Founded by Tina Morris, mother of Christopher
Baker.
The Grief Toolbox
A place to find tools for your journey…Articles,
artwork, support groups, and books.
www.GriefToolbox.com.
Grieving Dads Project
Committed to helping grieving dads. Read Kelly
Farley’s blog for grieving dads. Share your story as
you interact with others who join in the conversation.
www.GrievingDads.com.
Angels Across the USA Tour
Grief & Beyond
Follow Alan & Denise’s 2012 tour on Facebook.
View the album of kids who are traveling with them.
Alan’s music is available on line at
www.GriefAndBeyond.com.
Alive Alone, Inc.
Bi-monthly periodical for bereaved parents with no
surviving children
Email to AliveAlon@bright.net
www.alivealone.org
SIDS Alliance of Northern California
1-877-938-7437
Support groups and information
www.sidsnc.org
Wings, A Grief Education Ministry
Founded by Nan & Gary Zastrow
www.wingsgrief.org
BP/USA Sacramento-South Placer County Chapter – October 2012 – Page 14
Local Grief Counselors
Patricia Allison, LMFT, MFC#51011
LuWanna Airheart, MS, MFC#48410
Marriage and family therapist who has personally
experienced the loss of a spouse and raised two sons
who missed their father. Co-facilitator of Guiding
Teens Thru Grief (see listing in Local Resources for
Bereaved Families).
Phone: 916-802-7444
Email: Patricia.Allison.mft@gmail.com
www.patricia-allisonmftrosevillecounselor.com
Offices located in Roseville at 1380 Lead Hill Blvd,
Ste 160, and in West Sacramento at 1550 Harbor
Blvd, Suite 210.
Licensed marriage & family therapist with a focus on
helping families following the loss of a child.
Phone: 916-784-0110
Life Source, Inc., 2530 Douglas Blvd, Ste 160
Roseville, CA 95661, MarriageCounseling.com
Shannon Chan, MA, IMF63580
Marriage & Family Therapist Intern
Supervised by Caren Dillman, MFT, MFC37543
Phone: 916-680-8505
Shannon@SacramentoChristianCounselor.com
www.SacramentoChristianCounselor.com
Amy Collins, MFC, MFC#43835
Marriage and family therapist who has experienced
many different types of losses. Co-facilitator of
Guiding Teens Thru Grief (see listing in Local
Resources for Bereaved Families)
Phone: 916-759-1133
Email: Path2Peace@surewest.net
www.FindYourPath2Peace.com
Amy Nistor, MFTI
Marriage & Family Therapist Intern specializing in
support for grieving children
Phone: 916-807-4136
Email: Amy@thelifebridge.org
The Life Bridge Office, 6235 W. Walnut, Ste 100,
Loomis, CA.
Diana Aten Conwell, LMFT, MFC#49952
Marriage and family therapist who has experienced
many different types of losses.
Phone: 916-622-4372
Email: Diana.Aten@yahoo.com
Office located in the Johnson Ranch Complex
3300 Douglas Blvd, Bldg 200
Roseville, CA 95661
BP/USA Sacramento-South Placer County Chapter – October 2012 – Page 13

2012 10 BP Sac-Placer News October

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