Helping The Healing Begin - Bereaved Families of Ontario

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Helping The Healing Begin
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HOW LONG DOES THIS GRIEF JOURNEY LAST?
We are unique individuals. Everything we do and all of our experiences are never the
same as anyone else’s experiences. This is also the case on the grief journey. The feelings
and perceptions of one person may not be the same for another. There are some factors,
however, that will have an influence on how your grieving progresses.
BEREAVED
FAMILIES
OF ONTARIO
Cornwall
& Area
1. What was your relationship with the person who died like?
Sometimes, it is a relief when someone dies because the relationship was troubled or
abusive. Sometimes, that person was the only one who understood and supported you
and now you feel very alone and afraid. There may have been some unfinished business
that now can never be resolved. Whatever the situation, this will influence your grief
journey.
2. Was the death sudden or anticipated?
Did the person die suddenly so there was no time to prepare? Sudden death may extend
the grieving period if it was random, violent or seen as preventable. The situation now
FAMILLES
involves a traumatic situation that may require professional counselling. Did you know
ENDEUILLÉES that they were going to die? If the death was anticipated, you may have had a chance to
discuss the issues that needed discussing and then came to an understanding.
DE
L’ONTARIO
Cornwall et
les environs
216
ch. Montreal Rd
Cornwall, ON
K6H 1B4
3. How were you involved with the death?
Did you witness a violent or preventable death? How were you told about the death?
The answers to these questions may reveal that you were traumatized and as a result,
additional support may be necessary.
4. What else is happening in your life?
If you are experiencing other losses such as an illness, moving, divorce, job or school
changes, or stress, you have multiple losses to deal with at once. This may be
overwhelming and difficult to manage. Getting emotional support can really help.
5. How did you deal with other losses you have had?
If you chose not to think about previous losses, this one may trigger a large response
because you are grieving all the losses at the same time. If you had not dealt with
613-936-1455 previous losses, eventually one loss will bring it all to a head.
Fax: 613-936-1682
www.bfocornwall.ca
May 2014
Next issue
August 2014
Published 4 times a year
6. What support do you have in place?
If is very difficult to grieve alone. The main reason for that is because grieving is telling
the story of the loss. If you don’t have other people to tell the story to, you may find it
difficult to move along the grief journey.
Continue on page 2
OPEN MONTHLY SUPPORT
WELCOMES ANYONE WHO HAS LOST A LOVED ONE – NO COST – NO APPOINTMENT
SUPPORT & SHARE NIGHT
Wednesday May 14th 2014
7:00 to 9:00 PM
SUPPORT & SHARE NIGHT
Wednesday June 11th 2014
7:00 to 9:00 PM
SUPPORT & SHARE NIGHT
Wednesday July 9th 2014
7:00 to 9:00 PM
Grief Matters – Learning to Cope
with Loss (DVD) “Understanding
the Grief Process”
A support group will be held
following the presentation.
Everyone welcome.
ADULT AFTERNOON SUPPORT
Tuesday May 27th 2014
1:00 to 3:00 PM
Grief Matters – Learning to Cope
with Loss (DVD) “Understanding
our Emotions”
A support group will be held
following the presentation.
Everyone welcome.
ADULT AFTERNOON SUPPORT
Tuesday June 24th 2014
1:00 to 3:00 PM
Grief Matters – Learning to Cope
with Loss (DVD) “Issues with Guilt
and Anger”
A support group will be held
following the presentation.
Everyone welcome.
ADULT AFTERNOON SUPPORT
Tuesday July 29th 2014
1:00 to 3:00 PM
A support group open to all types
of losses. No registration is
necessary.
A support group open to all types
of losses. No registration is
necessary.
A support group open to all types
of losses. No registration is
necessary.
Sharing, Healing & Hope
Sharing, Healing & Hope
Sharing, Healing & Hope
Everyone welcome
Everyone welcome
Everyone welcome
7. What did the person want after their death?
Sometimes dying people think that they are being kind by asking their family to not go to the trouble of
having a funeral. They also may say, “Now I don’t want you to go around moping after I’m gone!” or
“Don’t cry over me”. What they don’t realize is that they are placing pressure on these grievers to not
grieve which is like asking the sun not to rise. People will grieve when someone they love dies.
8. What is your expectation of your grief journey?
Often we hope that we will be over our grieving in a few weeks or months. Unless we have experienced
loss before, we don’t know that the grief journey is often intense, never simple and is not ever over.
Things will get better in our lives. There will come a time when we can get through a day without crying
or thinking of the person with longing but we will never forget them or the experience.
All or some of these factors will shape your grief journey. The answers to these questions may help you to
return to functioning in a way that puts some energy back into your life. It is very helpful to reach out
for support from friends, family, or the community.
Adapted with permission from The North Shore Grief and Loss Resource Centre
Page 2
UPCOMING PROGRAMS & WORKSHOPS
CHILDREN’S
GROUPS
Children’s groups meet once a week over a seven week
period. Groups are now led by PAULINE LARIVIERE –
S.S.W. Mental Health Counsellor with Intensive Support
Services, Child and Youth Counselling Services with the
Cornwall Community Hospital/Rainbows Training/Grief
Facilitator Training. The group offers activities to help
children identify feelings and learn from one another on
coping with the death of a special person.
ADULT INFORMATION SESSIONS are held in
conjunction with the children’s groups and are
recommended for Parents and/or Guardians to attend. The
sessions include information and education on children’s
grief and effective ways to help children and families cope
with loss.
For more information on our children’s groups or to register
please call or visit the Bereavement Centre.
ADULT CLOSED GROUPS
6 weekly sessions
Registrations are accepted on an ongoing basis. Groups are
scheduled based on advance registration and once a
minimum number of registrations have been received. For
more information on Closed Support Groups or to register
please call or visit the Centre.
This program is led by trained facilitators who also have
experienced the loss of a significant person. Numerous
studies have shown that the best help for a bereaved person
is another person who has lived through that experience and
rebuilt his or her life.
Program includes a workbook with home and journaling
activities to help participants meet their objectives. Groups
are available for the following losses: loss of a child, loss of
a spouse/partner, loss of a parent/sibling and loss to suicide.
TO REGISTER CALL 613-936-1455
NO COST FOR CHILDREN TO ATTEND
“Grief never ends but it changes.
It’s a passage - not a place to stay.
Grief is not a sign of weakness
nor lack of faith…It is the price of love.”
(Author Unknown)
HOW YOU CAN HELP
All of the programs and services offered by BFO Cornwall are free of charge. BFO Cornwall is partly funded by the United
Way of S.D. & G. The balance of funds required is raised through the generosity of the community, in the form of donations
and the Annual Gala Dinner Fundraiser. BFO Cornwall receives no government funding.
We are seeking your support and generosity in order to continue delivering our valuable services to the community.
A charitable tax receipt will be issued for donations of $10 or more.
Charitable Registration Number: 86361-0358-RR0001
In-Kind Donations are always welcome and greatly appreciated.
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WHAT’S COMING UP
BEREAVED FAMILIES OF ONTARIO
ANNUAL GALA DINNER
in support of the Children/Youth Bereavement Services
Saturday, September 20th 2014 at the Best Western Plus Parkway Inn & Conference Centre – Cornwall
FEATURING GLENGARRY’S OWN – KELLI TROTTIER!
Kelli Trottier has a distinctive musical style on every level. Her angelic voice and crisp fiddling are enhanced by her own songs and
fiery stepdance! With three nominations for fiddle player of the year by the Canadian Country Music Association, Kelli continues to
perform and promote her music across the Country and beyond. She toured much of the world as a featured soloist, with the
Sensational string Production, Bowfire, for nine years.
Kelli is one of Canada’s principal stepdancers and fiddlers and is a highly sought after instructor and judge throughout the Country/US.
She has performed for Canadian Soldiers in the Middle East and the Canadian Arctic and has been a part of Sean Connery’s “Dressed
th
to Kilt” in NYC on several occasions. A highlight was performing for his private 80 birthday party in the Bahamas.
With nine Independent recordings to her credit, Kelli is an unforgettable and enchanting artist, consistently delivering performances that
raise her stature in the hearts and memories of audiences everywhere.
“Every time Kelli takes to the stage, she is like a breath of fresh air, mesmerizing
all in attendance with angelic vocal and awesome fiddle prowess.”
Wayne Rostad (Musician & Television Presenter/Host of CBC’s On The Road Again)
For tickets or for more information call Traci Trottier at 613-936-1455.
Page 4
NEWS AND EVENTS
Thank you to the
following
businesses for your
sponsorship and
donations!!
Fifth St. Foods
S.B.’s Artistics
JoAnne Riel
Janice – Memorable Moments
Upper Canada Playhouse
Fifth Street Foods
Joanne Ouellette
Touch of Wood Designs
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KIDS’ CORNER
REMEMBERING OUR LOVED ONES
CHILDREN’S DEVELOPMENTAL STAGES:
Concepts of Death and Responses to Grief
By Robin Fiorelli, VITAS Director of Bereavement and Volunteers
EARLY CHILDHOOD (4-7)
Concept of Death
As with preschoolers, the age group views death as temporary and
reversible. They sometimes feel responsible for the death because
they believe that negative thoughts or feelings they have had about
the deceased caused their demise. This “magical thinking” stems
from the belief that everything in their environment revolves
around them and that they can control what happens. Even when
children at this age are exposed to death through the media or at
school, they still may believe that if you are careful enough you can
avoid death.
Children at this age may also connect occurrences that do not have
anything to do with each other. If a child bought a certain toy the
day that her sister died, she may attribute the toy to causing the
sister’s death, especially if the real cause of the death is not fully
explained to her.
Lynne Arbic – June 6th, 2013
If you would like your loved one remembered in this section
of the newsletter, please fill out this form
or call 613-936-1455.
Name of loved one_____________________________
Date of Birth__________________________________
Date of Death_________________________________
Optional Verse________________________________
Remembered by_______________________________
Grief Responses
As with preschoolers, this age group may repeatedly search for the
deceased or ask where they are. Repetitive questioning about the
death process is also common. “What happens when you die?”
How do dead people eat?” They will often express their feelings
through play instead of verbally. Themes of family loss and death
may surface as they play with dolls or action figures. They may
play act the death itself or the funeral.
Sometimes children at this age appear unaffected by the death and
act as if nothing happened, but this doesn’t mean that they are
oblivious OR that they have accepted the death. It may just signify
their inability in the moment to acknowledge very painful reality.
They also may model their grief reaction after the adults in their
lives feeling uncertain how to express grief feelings. Other typical
responses include anger, sadness, confusion and difficulty eating
and sleeping.
As with preschoolers, this age group may regress as a way to receive
more nurturance and attention during this difficult time. Children
who have experienced a loss at this age tend to be fearful that other
loved ones will leave them as well. Sometimes they form
attachments to people who resemble the deceased in some way.
SUGGESTED VIDEO RESOURCES AT THE BFO LIBRARY
Helping Children Grieve – with Khris Ford and Paula D’Arcy
Supporting the Grieving Child – The Dougy Center
Has Bereaved Families Helped You?
Have you been helped along in your grief journey by our
programs or services, or perhaps by a certain facilitator? If
so, we would love to hear from you. We will happily pass
along your gratitude to the individual(s) mentioned. Also,
from time to time, we are asked to submit letters from
people who use our services to organizations that we are
requesting funding from.
We would never use your letter or name without
first asking your permission.
“The only people who
think there’s a time
limit for grief, have
never lost a piece of
their heart…Take all
the time you need.”
-Unknown
Page 6
MEMBERS AND FRIENDS CORNER
MEMORIAL DONATIONS
CORPORATE DONORS
In Memory of Jean & Ron Leduc
Love, Ron
In Memory of Christine Jolly
Love, Doug
In Memory of Peter Sarch
Love Philip Males & Family in the UK
To make a Memorial Donation
IN LOVING MEMORY OF
SOMEONE SPECIAL
Please call 613-936-1455 or return the following
form to: Bereaved Families of Ontario – Cornwall & Area
216 Montreal Road, Cornwall, ON K6H 1B4
In Memory
………………………………………………………
a donation has been made to BFO
………………………………………………………
Name
……………………………………………………….
Address
………………………………………………………
City & Province
EXPRESSIONS OF SYMPATHY
Expression of Sympathy Cards
are available at all local Funeral Homes
Thank you for choosing BFO as the charity of choice
FRIENDS OF BFO
YOUR GENEROUS SUPPORT IS MAKING A DIFFERENCE
Taxable Receipts are available for donations over $10.00.
A friend from Knox-St. Paul’s United Church
Bereaved Families is a proud
member agency of the United
Way
Page 7
Bereaved Families Drop-In Centre and Lending Library
Open Monday to Friday from 9:00 am to 4:00 pm. The Centre provides information and resources on healthy
grieving and the opportunity to speak with one of our “Veteran” bereaved facilitators and/or a BFO staff member
regarding programs and services available for adults and children/youth struggling with the loss of a loved one. The
Centre is also available to agencies and professionals working with the bereaved for resources and education.
The Lending Library has a large selection of up to date books, pamphlets and articles on healthy grieving.
All Programs and Services are offered free of charge. Visit us at our website: www.bfocornwall.ca
WE WISH TO THANK THE FOLLOWING SPONSORS WHO PROVIDED
FUNDING FOR THIS PUBLICATION
Our Family Serving Your Family Since 1954
218 Montreal Road, Cornwall
613-932-5455
www.boulericefuneralhome.com
Richard Bray - Marc Bray
Ontario Licensed Funeral Directors
MacDougall Chapel & Reception Centre
14815 County Road 2
Ingleside, ON K0C 1M0
613-537-8376
Brownlee Funeral Home
18 Front Street
Finch, ON K0C 1K0
613-984-2234
Brownlee Funeral Homes Inc.
\
Local People You Know & Trust
www.brownleefuneralhomes.com
822 Pitt Street, Cornwall ON 613-938-3888
Caring For Families Since 1905
www.wilsonfuneralhome.ca
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Privacy Policy: Bereaved Families of Ontario –Cornwall & Area respects your privacy. We protect your personal information and
adhere to all legal requirements with respect to protecting your privacy. We do not rent, sell or trade our mailing lists or other personal
information.
Should you not wish to receive this newsletter publication, please call us and we will immediately remove your name from
the mailing list.
“Hope is not the absence of pain, hope believes in the possibility that joy and laughter can dance with
sorrow. Hope is the promise that no matter how heavy the burden, we can still find happiness.”
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