THE 2014 KRAZY 8`S QUEST FOR THE MUSTARD JACKET

THE 2014 KRAZY 8’S
QUEST FOR THE
MUSTARD JACKET
VOLUME I, ISSUE 1
SEPTEMBER 2012
Bow to your Champ! Monkey, You are the only one that will talk to me. The 2013 Champ ! I get up... I get down THE K8’S HEAD TO O.C WITH THE MUSTARD ON THE
LINE... HOJO IS STILL THE MAN!
Welcome to my Party! As always, F.U. Ice! Another year has
passed and the anticipation of the 2014
club championship
has already caused Ice’s irritable
bowels to act up.
The eyes
and ears of the sporting world are
once again focused on Ocean
City, MD where the 2014 Quest
for the Mustard Jacket will paly
out over 3 days and nights. Once
Again Hojo Carnaggio has organized a great three days of fun.
The year brought us many great
times, full of new friends, the return of old friends, beer, crabs,
and occaisonally golf. The K8
Season started on a chilly April
morning at the Wetlands and
finished at Geneva Farms in
September. During the year
Cocks won the Top Cock
award by shooting a Net 64 at
Pilgrims Oak. Hojo posted a
net 72 at the wetlands and
garnered the Top Sausage
award at the Sausage fest
which ironically had no sausage. Nino captured the Memorial crown by posting a Net
66 at Furnace Bay. Ice shot a
God Bless you Rocket Man and Jeff, we miss you greatly! Pimpin a
in’t easy
Net 78 at the difficult Twin
Shields Golf Course to capture the Glory Hole Open
crown. Dennis captured the
Curious George Feces award
by posting a Net 66 at the
challenging Mt. Pleasant Golf
Course. Matt was awarded
the coveted Pilsner cup by
shooting a Net 67 at Ruggles.
We will miss those K8s who
couldn’t make the trip We
also will always miss Jeff and
Eddie who no doubt will be
looking down on us and
laughing. Here is to more
great memories!
Caption describing picture or
graphic.
Carpe Diem Boys!
THE COURSES… WATER, SAND DUNES, HILLBILLIES AND TIGHTLY GUARDED GREENS
The Quest begins at the Glen Riddle War Admiral course where the front 9 is carved through some wooded areas where those K8s with pre y mouths must be careful to avoid hillbillies. Cock’s golf game has not been the same since he looked for his errant tee Cocks returning shot and from War Admiral was heard woods circa..2004 squeeling in those woods in 2004. Water becomes a factor on the majority of the holes on the back 9 and there is DeMarco plays the li le room 16th at War Adm. for error which could wreak havoc with some K8’s. Forced carries, layups, OB and nasty hazards, Lions, gers and Bears will make club se‐
lec on as important as ball striking. I feel eliminated already. Day 2 brings hangovers and beer farts at Bear Trap Dunes with it’s winding bentgrass fair‐
ways lined with wetland grasses that dri into stunning sand dunes. Oversized greens will make pu ng a chal‐
lenge. The quest returns to the Seaside Course at Ocean City Golf Club on Day 3 where k8’s will experience Squeezy on the painful sphincter erup ons, pounding headaches and 14th at Bear Trap rubbery legs as they take on a short target oriented course of a li le over 5600 yards. Could we have 3 straight years where a playoff hole is needed? In 2012 Ball Cock sank a pu on the 55th hole to dethrone George, and last year Lance‐A‐Lot did the same to defeat Ice. A net 215 won last year however, Ma and Mike Rogers who hadn’t qualified shot net 210’s. I see Ma (18) , Ice (11 ), Roy (19), and Dennis (18) in the final foursome on Day 3, with Ice capturing his first Mustard. Page 2
2013 CHAMP LANCE-A-LOT LINKS AIMS TO RETAIN THE JACKET
Lance A Lance-A-Lot Links McPherson stunned the golf world with a
clutch putt on the 55th hole to win
the 2013 mustard jacket. He represented the Jacket with dignity during
his reign as champ. He is one of the
longest drivers on the K8 tour and
shows a nice touch around the
greens. He shot a Net 215 in OC last
year averaging a Net 71.6 to earn his
first jacket. He will need to score an The Champ poses as average of 91 each day to retain the Ice texts Ken across the table. jacket.
The Champ Crushes One but where is it? Would you like to touch my Monkey? Lance‐A‐Lot and his imaginary caddy lil’ lance‐a
‐lot Look at Me. Who looks
better in the Jacket? I’ll tell
you. NOBODY! I am
repeating because I am beautiful and the Jacket deserves
me.
Lance A Lots K8 2014 Computer Ranking—3 HANDICAP: 20 … Down 2 from OC Last Year 2014 Highlight: Shot 90 for Net 69 at Ruggles in the Pilsner Open PROS: One of the longest hi ers on K8 tour, and has dealt with the stresses, pain, cat calls and flatulence that comes with the OC experience to win a Jacket. Lance‐a‐Lot Observa ons: “It is surprisingly easy to hole a fi y foot pu …. for a 10.” Factoids About Lance: ‐ Women keep mistletoe in their offices just in case he stops by ‐ When playing golf, his divots replace themselves. ‐ He increases property values just for being there. ‐ Airport Security agents remove their belts and shoes for him. ROY “SQUEEZY”NORRIS IS FRONT RUNNER– NUMBER 1 IN COMPUTER RANKINGS
Roy’s late surge brought him to number one on the K8 computer
ranking which makes him the favorite to win the 2014 jacket. He
has logged the most rounds into the handicap system, and is in
the best golf shape of his life. A key this year will be that his Cap
is 4 strokes higher than at this time last year. Twelve strokes over
the course of the weekend will certainly make a difference. If their
was a vote on who to award the Mustard, Roy “Squeeze toy” Norris would surely win. He is founding K8 and sits on the Elders Roy Surrenders Council. His organization of the K8 tour has made this golf club
what it is today. His Tuesday morning
league has helped him hone his skills
It is my year. The tee times
while many other K8s commute, and
will allow me to have my daily
deal with work stresses. If Roy averconstitutional at optimal times,
ages 90 each day he will finish with a
allowing me to concentrate on golf
net 213 which should be good enough
holes rather than my hole. Hank
to take the jacket. He is very capable
Haney and Mr. Hankey say
synergistic bowell movements were
Haney and his Cri
cal Gastrointes
nal of
posting
those
scores.
Set it and Forget it! Down all that was holding me back.
Decision Making newest student the middle every me. I just did a poopy 1
Squeezy ’s 2014 K8 Computer Ranking—Number HANDICAP: 19… Up 4 from OC Last Year. *** Key to the Mustard 2014 Highlight: Posted a 86 at Rocky Point just this week for a Net 67. PROS: Steady player with vast experience Tuesday league gives him most rounds and has honed his skills. Peaking at the right me. Factoids about Roy: 
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Some mes becomes frustrated with re rement because he never gets a day off. Roy likes bowling more than golf because he seldom loses a bowling ball Roy’s to‐do list says, "Done." Roy doesn’t usually fart when stretching, but when he does, most people think it's cologne. Page 3
MATT “AMISH MAFIA” ROGERS 2014 PILSNER CHAMP IS ALSO SERIOUS MUSTARD CONTENDER
Lost in the last years hoopla over Ice’s hanging chad scorecard and Lance-a lot
Links stunning clutch putt to win the jacket, Matt quietly posted a net 206 over
3 rounds. He would have beaten Ice and Lance by 9 strokes had he been eligible for the Jacket. This will be his 3rd OC trip with the K8s, but his first time
eligible to compete for the Jacket. He posted a net 67 to win the 2014 Pilsner open and has played 13 plus rounds since July 3rd. Many K8’s do not play
that many rounds in two years, so he has plenty of experience. Amazingly,
Matts handicap has dropped six strokes in those 13 rounds, clearly showing that he is on fire and peaking at the
right time. He has youth on his side, and will hold up better than many of the old, drunken and decrepit K8s
such as myself. Matt will need to average 89 over the 3 days to take the Jacket assuming 210 to 213 wins. If he
continues his hot streak the Jacket will reside in Pennsylvania this year, and who knows what Lebanon Levi will
do to it.
Ma receiving the 2014 Pilsner from 2013 Champ J.B. Ma “Amish Mafia” Rogers 2014 K8 Computer Ranking—9 HANDICAP: 18 … Down 6 from last year. PROS: He is young and has steadily improved his golf game. Current Pilsner Champ knows how to win the big one. Factoids about Ma : 
He intends to live forever...and So Far, So Good. 
The contents of his taco has never fallen out 
Many K8’s consider it good luck when Ma steps in their line. BRIAN “ICE” EISERS PLAYOFF LOSS DRIVES HIM
Ice enjoys being ckled a er a Par. I have a new driver, and new shoes and I
am Mature. You MFrs don’t stand a
chance. All these new K8 rookies better
watch out. If I don’t puke , get sick, miss
my naps , get Ebola, smell someone elses
poop. Get distracted or shit myself I will
win!
I want‐
ed a Pic with Hojo Ice making friends For a good half hour after the 54th hole, last year many K8s
believed Ice had captured his first Mustard. After much confusion, it was determined that Ice was tied with Lance. On The Jacket is double the 55th hole, Lance drained a clutch putt to win the Jacket. breasted just like Ice Ice failed to go out Saturday night and we did not see him
until the xmas happy hour. Ice has been in the final 4 two
years in a row and is primed to take the Mustard this year.
Ice handled the pressure brilliantly and just ran into a buzz
saw in the form of Lance. They were both Champs and did
the K8 club proud. Ice has a driver in his arsenal now and will
once again be in the final four on day 3. He has always had a
great all around golf game, and now has several K8 rookies
that he will need to show the “OC K8” way. Count on him
winning several skins and greenies also. After all calculations
he is projected to be neck and neck with Roy. Could this be Poetry in Mo on the 3ed straight year
that a playoff is required?
I ‘ve fallen Ice drains a pu while being molested. Ice ‘s favorite gree
ng and I can’t get up. Help Me! Ken Ice Napping on the floor Whip It! Whip it Good! Roy stunned by a sudden ICE CHEST. Ice mans up a er a night of Jaeger bombs 2014 K8 Computer Ranking—2 Ice saves Par from 150 yrds out 
HANDICAP: 11… Down 2 from last year at OC. 2014 Highlight: Glory Hole Open Champion, Posted Net 66 at Ruggles at the Pilsner PROS: All around great game. Back to back Final 4s, and 2nd and 3rd place finishes the last 2 years. Factoids about Ice: ‐ Ice once lit a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together. Get in me belly  Ice thinks Annie Lennox is singing “Sweet Dreams are made of Cheese, Who am I to disagree…” 
While making love, Ice yells his own name . 
Past girlfriends also yel l out Ice’s name while having sex with their husbands. Ice eats Ramen noodles by 1. Boiling water 2. Ea ng the block of ramen 3. Drinking the boiled water 4. Snor ng the flavored powder. He advises”It’s more nutri onal that way”. Page 4
TWO TIME CHAMP DENNIS RADER IS BACK AND PROJECTED
Dennis Rader returned to the tour this
year with a vengeance and is qualified to
earn his 3rd Mustard Jacket. He had a 24
handicap at the beginning of the season and
his steady play and has reduced his cap to
18. He also played a round at Bear Trap to
scout the course which will give hi a leg up
on the competition. Dennis will need to
post an average score of 89 to contend for
the Jacket. He is projected to be in the
final 4 on Saturday.
Rader is accurate off the tee. FINAL FOUR
Member of Chess Club and Future Mus‐
tard Winners club in High School Rader strikes a pose 3 The Sheriffs is back in town
boys, so get used to it. I decided to come back and win the
Mustard for the 3rd time
since none of you could do it .
I already bought a hat.
2000 and 2002 Mustard Champ Dennis’s 2014 Mustard Computer Ranking –5 HANDICAP: 18 … DNP OC last few years. 2014 Highlight: Shot a net 67 at Pilgrims Oak in July and at Mt. Pleasant in August. Also posted two Net 68s in the same meframe. PROS: Two me Mustard Champion. Very well rounded player. He has played a lot of rounds and holds the same cap number as many lesser players. Factoids about Dennis: ‐ Dennis has never stepped in gum, however he steps in dog poo on a weekly basis. 
Dennis measures in at 5 foot 20 inches. 
Dennis has successfully compared apples to oranges. TWO TIME CHAMP KEN ”MONEY” FOLDERAUER HAS PLANS TO BEAT RADER TO THIRD JACKET
Ken ”Money” Folderauer is a CEO of a large company
and it only takes a couple of minutes with him to understand why. He is engaging and hold anyone’s attention. He is a two time champ and in his last 13
rounds he has posted low nets of 68, 64 and 70 which
are all scores that would easilt secure his third MusMoney meets his Cons t‐
tard title. He is primed to capture his unprecedented
It’s Double Breasted just like me. ! uents. 3rd Mustard this year. Ken makes every event fun, Every story is the greatest story I have sat back and watched the
and can be the life of any room. He tells fantastic when Money tells it. last two playoffs. This year Ice
stories, and knows how to have fun. Ken loves the
and I will be in the final 4 tohorses and is knowledgeable of handigether and sorry Brian but you
are looking at the First THREE
capping which has helped several K8s hit
time Champ! BLAMO!
on Triples. Ken has very solid golf
game, with long drives, and a solid short
game, but his responsibilities never es cape him and he is often distracted by
business phone calls or Ice on the
Beauty and the Beast. course. He will need to average 88
Ken is friendly to over the 3 days to compete for the A Tradi on like no other. Money’s Bloodys. Money loves sushi drunken derelicts Jacket .
2006 and 2008 Mustard Jacket Champion Money 2014 Mustard Computer Ranking– Tied 11 HANDICAP: 17 ...Down 2 strokes from OC last yesr 2014 Highlight: Posted a net 73 at Rocky Point in August. PROS: All around great game, and is Two Time Champ . Can score with the best when he is on his game. Factoids about Ken: 
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People encourage Ken t o talk during movies. Ken’s animal magne sm would be considered a concealed weapon, if it were concealed” Librarians request Ken to talk loudly in the library. 
Ken wears a bracelet that says "WWID" (What would I do) 
In previous lives, Ken was himself. 
Ken’s business card simply says “I’ll call you.” Page 5
I really miss it Man! THE 2014 KRAZY 8’S QUEST FOR THE MUSTARD JACKET
CLASSY 2011 MUSTARD CHAMP GEORGE KAHLERT READY TO GAIN JACKET BACK
George set the standard for how to represent the Jacket. He understands that this group and the jacket are special. He is a classy guy, kind MEAT of like our Cary Grant. He wants to win not only to be Champ, but also
so he has something to wear to family gatherings and weddings. He came
one stroke away from back to back Mustards when Dave stunned the golf
world by making great chip from under a tree and then sinking a difficult
downhill birdie putt on the 55th hole of the 2012 Club Championship. George and Jimmer during It feels like forever since that
George deserves accolades the way he manages the K8 website with his red meat bender. (2012) day in September 2012 that I
timeliness, handicaps and hilarious pictures and antidotes. He carries
handed the Jacket over. I
the lowest handicap in the group with a 7. He makes the game look easy, and as always
don’t own any other sports coats
will be in contention and will win his share of skins and greenies. He will need to averso it has been a bad couple of
age 79 over the 3 days to capture his second jacket.
years. I need to win it man.
2011 Mustard Jacket Champion George ‘s 2014 Computer Ranking—8 Con's- Consistency both on the
HANDICAP: 7 … Up 1 from last year. 2014 Highlight: Posted Net 70 at Rocky Point in May. course and in the bathroom. Gets
PROS: Is good at all aspects of the game . Lowest handicap year in and year out. rattled when he has to use new
Factoids about George: George, shortly before his bout with Trench‐
Mouth 
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I will give you such a shove. toilets that do not have ballcocks
George drives AND pu s for dough. in them.
George has never been between clubs. OC Golf Forecast: He has been
At book stores people crowd around George to watch him read. quietly playing well and seems to
have a care free out there and
Even his enemies have George on speed dial as an emergency contact. He’s impossible to hate. His swing is even Classy loving it attitude since announcing
George coined the phrase “Coffee is not my cup of Tea” his retirement. Cowpie will play
well, he is focused, and healthy
and is getting a lot of strokes. He
be in theWILL
final USE
4 and
2004 MUSTARD CHAMP HOJOwill
CARNAGGIO
HIS could
RAGE LEAD HIM TO CHAMPIONSHIP
Mustard MJoe “Hojo” Carnaggio’s importance to this club cannot be overstated. It was his vision
YOU ARE DAMN RIGHT
I AM ANGRY. I deserve a
day commemorating me. BUT I
WILL NEVER SEE IT. F
ICE, AND F JIM
that led to OC trips, our club championship and it was his $ 15 that paid for the Mustard Jacket in 1999. Hojo has carried hostility bordering on rage because he still has
not been reimbursed. Over the years he has seen his cherished Tommy Hilfiger shirt
and jeans soiled and worn mockingly by Ice, he has never been given a hospitality room
grilled cheese, he has had to deal with massive, nasty, strange poops in and on his toilet,
and worst yet he is consistently left behind by the cool kids while seeing his Saturday
night OC celebration dwindle the last few years to just a few K8s. Hojo consistently
displays bravery, intestinal fortitude and valor.
He has had to walk to Fagers alone
several times while dealing with hoodlums, thugs, and boogeymen. These repeated
slaps in the faces are what have made him bitter and have lead to his belief that this
group will never last. Hojo will need to average 89 over the 3 days.
JACKASS! JACKASS Who Loves Ya Baby! God please make Ice like me. Suck it Losers! Help Me! JIM
Hojo weeps uncontrollably a er capturing 2011 Pilsner. JO
E
Cocks bullying Hojo on the Hojo with the fall away fade The root of Joes issues Green as Hojo trys to save 7 Rubbing the Pilsner in the faces of his K8 bullies 2004 Mustard Jacket Champion Hojo’s 2014 Mustard Computer Ranking –Tied 11 Eat Me! HEIL HOJO! HANDICAP: 18… Down 1 from OC last year. 2014 Highlight: Posted a net 73 at the Wetlands to win Top Sausage Award and a Net 70 at Ruggles in August. PROS: Hits the fairway on most drives and had his OC evening ou its picked out in June. 2004 mustard Champ, 2011 Pilsner Pitcher Champion and 2014 Top Sausage Champ. Factoids about Hojo: Hojo thinks there is only one thing wrong with his brother’s face ... it shows. 
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Hojo actually does believe its not bu er. In his spare me Hojo enjoys toilet paper origami. Hojo pushes on doors that say pull, and they s ll open. When Hojo wants your opinion he will give it to you. Hojos failed coup d'é·tat to wrestle power from his brother. Page 6
JEFF “COCKS” ADDICKS KNOWS THE JACKET WILL ENHANCE HIS BACHELORHOOD
Eat Me Mfers ! Cocks addressing the K8 Gallery Cocks for the Eagle! Cocks gimping it up dickshit bas‐
Mfiger ass Watch out Dick Mongers MEAT Jeff”Cocks” Addicks is excited to be
Jeff “Cocks” Addicks is primed to capture his first Mus‐
back
on the K8 tour and eligible to
tard. He knows chicks dig him, and that the Jacket will win
his first Mustard.
give him Bieber‐like status. He has been hi
ng the Driv‐
ing range with the McPherson boys hoping that some of the Champs magic will rub off on him. Jeff’s schizophren‐
ic golf game is much like his roommate and FF partner Lord Deuchebag Hills game. They can look good one hole and then ridiculously bad on the next. Jeff has the tal‐
ent, the dirty vocabulary and the athle cism to win the jacket. If his Driver isn’t working early in a round, he should scrap it because he can hit a 5 iron accurately as far as some K8s hit their driver. Jeff explains “You are mf’in son of a bitch anal wart cock sucking right I want the Jacket.” An average of 95 over the 3 days will put him in the running for the Mustard. BeaverPelt displays Teen Angst Cocks finds his errant tee shot Cocks 300 yards down the middle Cocks part I will win the Mustard and
cuss like a Mother Fer
when I do. I will probably
cuss like a MFer if I don’t
too. Lets do some
me job Jaeger Bombs MFers
Cock’s 2014 Mustard Computer Ranking‐Tied –11 HANDICAP: 24 … Same as Last Year in OC. 2014 Highlight: Blew away the field by shoo ng a Net 64 at Pilgrims Oak in July to win the Cocks Qualifier. PROS: Can get great distance with irons. Shows flashes of Golf brilliance at mes. Factoids about Jeff: Our Hero 
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Jeff abducts and anal probes aliens. While making love Jeff was once booed by a peeping Tom. Cocks is simply Giddy while Hiney dancing at Fagers Jeff’s favorite pick up line is … Nice virginity ..Can I have it? Jeff sobs uncontrollably a er ejacula ng. Jeff sleeps with both eyes open A KINDER AND GENTLER 2001 MUSTARD CHAMP JIMMER CARNAGGIO LOOKS TO WIN HIS SECOND
Jimmer Carnaggio used to golf with a bull horn an at the ready, and could phsyche any K8 out, especially Buster
Carey and our beloved Ice. His jazzersize routines, comfortable employment and lifestyle have mellowed him.
One thing that hasn’t mellowed is his golf game which has been as steady over the last few years as any K8. He
carried a 15 handicap all summer with him until his last round when it bumped up one. Perhaps the influx of rookies on the tour and in the Club Championship will spur Jimmer to pull out his Svengali like powers to play head
games with slower minded K8s. Jimmer will need to average 87 over the 3 days to contend for the jacket.
JACKASS! Jimmer can Jazz‐
ercize with the best. Jimmer shortly a er winning Disco contest Jimmer with the banana fade to the Jimmer with the banana fade to the Fairway Jimmer during his Hair Club for Men days. 2001 Mustard Champ JIMMER 2014 K8 Computer Ranking‐Tied 11 HANDICAP: 16 … Up one from last year in OC. 2014 Highlight: Posted a Net 72 at Ruggles in August. Won third place in most popular K8 Carnaggio poll. PROS: 2001 Mustard Champ. Large heavy head allows is easy to keep down on the ball. Seldom looks up during a shot. 
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You all bore me. Its not fair for me to mess with
you feeble minded mortals like I
used to. You are all lucky to have
me in this group. If I get bored, I
might decide to win the jacket
again just to F with everyone.
I want to be Ice. Factoids about Jim : Jim is the only person to ever ace a Rorschach Test Horses wish they were hung like him Google uses Jimmer as their search engine Jimmer can’t use a compass because it always points at him. Jim doesn’t wear a watch. He decides WHAT me it is A drunken and belliger‐
ent Jimmer opens up Page 7
NINO CONFIDENT HE WILL EASILY WIN JACKET IN FIRST ATTEMPT
Nino is the Johnny Football of the K8s. He is young, brash and
believes he will dominate the older, slower and out of shape
K8s. Sources say he was cussing like a sailor with an STD at the
Pilsner open, even on the level of Cocks. He has been practicing
daily at his brothers indoor driving range, and plans to shock the
world with his performance in OC. He will need to average 88
each day to compete for the Mustard.
Ha! You are all old. Nino is Money. JACKASS Nino marking his territory, a Filipino tradi on. Nino to save 8, as Jim passes gas and blames Hojo. Sausage Fest Another soiled green. Nino has strugged in bunkers of late. This will be a piece of cake. I don’t
know what all you old men think is
so hard about playing 3 rounds of
golf, and drinking all day and all
night . I think I will not only win
it this year but for years to come.
Nino’s 2014 Mustard Computer Ranking– Tied 11 HANDICAP: 17 … First year at Mustard Championship. 2104 Highlight: Shot a Net 65 at Furnace Bay to Cap‐
ture the Memorial Championship. PROS: Has become a solid ball striker, and does not re during the course of a round. Factoids About Nino: JACKASS 
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As a child he accidentally killed his imaginary friend. He can eat an apple through a Tennis Racket He does not sleep… he waits Nino discovered there's quite a difference in reac on between a 2 year old and a 30 year old when you call them a big girl. 2003 CHAMP STEVE “AQUA” DEMARCO QUIETLY PREPARES TO EARN 2ND MUSTARD
I have been in this group a long
time and have come to the conclusion that you are all A-HOLES.
I just like playing the courses. If I
win, I win if I don’t F– it!
Steve “Aqua” DeMarco has a moved to a luxury home in at the Harbor, was recently
promoted to a GS-15, is living the dream. A 2014 Mustard Championship win would be
the topping on the Cake. As a former champ he knows what it takes, and plays courses
at the beach a lot which gives him home field advantage. In fact he played Bear Trap in
August and shot well. He is adept at winning money in OC, and still holds to record for
most money earned in a single day at $200 by drinking a cup of habenaro sauce. He is
carrying a 26 handicap, which could help him run away with the jacket if he shoots well at
least two of the rounds. He strikes the ball with a lot of whip action and can get great
distance off the tee. He will have to average 97 over the 3 days to contend for the Jacket.
JACKASS Steve poses for the Papparazzi. Steve pipes it down the Steve plays his 2nd shot on the 16th hole at War Admiral middle Aqua is giddy win‐
ning a Pilsner Glass Aqua played well during the winter 2003 Mustard Champion Steve’s 2014 Mustard Computer Ranking—1 HANDICAP: 26… Up 4 fro OC last year 2014 Highlight: Posted a Net 76 at Bear Trap in August. In OC last year shot a Net 67 at OCGC Seaside on the final day. PROS: Gets high club head speed Aqua plays his 3rd shot on the 7th hole at Bear Trap 
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Factoids about Steve: When Steve pu s, lakes and creeks break toward his golf ball. Steve once hit a ball into a water hazard on a course with no water hazards” Steve does not consult a physician for erec ons las ng over four hours. When Steve gives people the finger they feel like number 1. Aqua plays his 2nd shot on the 12th hole at Nasauu CC. Page 8
THE 2014 KRAZY 8’S QUEST FOR THE MUSTARD JACKET
Back to back Champion‐
ships will be easy! DAVE “BALLCOCK” JANUKOWSKI ON SABBATICAL, HASN’T A CARE IN THE WORLD
Dave is not eligible for the Jacket and he doesn’t care.
He was the Mustard Champion once and that’s good
enough for him. He is coming to the beach to mentor and gude the new K8s. Look for him to win some
skins and greenies, and start some side bets.
Before 2012 Playoff I look good . It’s true! So clutch during Playoff Dave Calms every‐
one down Moments a er 2012 Win I have a new lease on life. I
go to the beach, I watch
people, I help people find
their way. These new K8s
need help, and they worry
me. I will help them!
2012 Mustard Jacket Champion Dave did not Qualify HANDICAP: 24… Down 2 from OC last year. 2014 Highlight: Created massive controversy and confu‐
sion during senior Tee and White Tee email discussion. Shut down East Coast Opera ons due to vol‐
ume. PROS: Dave is now part of the illustrious group of Champions in the K8’s. He is long off the tee and has proven me and me again that he is clutch when he needs to be, as proven by the skins he wins and last years epic playoff win. Factoids about Dave: 
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Dave’s clothes never wrinkle. Dave has inside jokes with people he does not know. INSIDE STORY HEADLINE
Dave has never lost a sock Panhandlers give Dave money. Advice Hotlines call Dave for advice. “I had the Damn Thing won I tell you, I
had it won! (A disheartened Captain
MONGO,
last year
Beer Me. (The Captain
at approximately 4:30
Wait Up Mongs! Mustard! INELIGIBLE FOR JACKET, CAN RELAX AND LET LOOSE
Mongo is back at
the OC Mustard
event for the first
time in years, after
playing some very
good golf during
the regular season.
He almost had a
hole in one at the
Pilsner open, and
shot an 83 at Fox
Hollow and 91 at
Mongo did not Young Mongo resem‐ Mongo at one with nature, enjoys Assawoman bay as he pees. bles Current Nino Qualify HANDICAP: 18… PROS: very Long off the tee and is a blast to play with. Factoids about Mongo: 
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Mongo bowls overhanded and once bowled a 310. Mongo doesn't break wind......he bends it Mongo makes onions cry Mongo’s mailman also delivers his emails. Mongo knawed off the umbilical cord a er his birth because he doesn’t like feeling a ached to any woman. Mongo, Mad Dog 20/20, and Mongo’s Ass. Some may call that a perfect day. Page 9
JB IS SHIPPING OFF TO BOSTON AND WANTS TO TAKE THE
JACKET WITH HIM
I’m Smart and you are not! JB is competing for the first time for the Mustard and recently announced that he is moving to Boston to work for Titleist. He will need
to average 84 over the 3 days to compete for the Jacket.
JB 2014 Mustard Computer Ranking—6 HANDICAP: 13 … PROS: Great all around game, 2013 Pilsner Champ. I wannah win the Jahket wiked
bahd. I’ll take it to bean Town and
Pahk my cah at Hahvad Yahd.
CAM MCPHERSON JOINS TOURNEY LATE AND HOPES TO STEAL JACKET FROM HIS FATHER.
Cam 2014 Mustard Computer Ranking— ed– 11 HANDICAP: 32 … PROS: Has new clubs and has steadily improved. Could steal a lot of skins. 2007 CHAMP SCOTT HILL WILL PLAY BUT SHOULD REALLY LOOK FOR ANOTHER HOBBY
Hill 2014 Mustard Computer Ranking— ed– 11 HANDICAP: 19 .. Up 3 from Oc last year. PROS: This author can think of none. MIKE ROGERS MAKES TRIP FROM FLORIDA, PRESENCE COULD HELP MATT WIN JACKET
Mike is not Eligible for the Jacket HANDICAP: 23 PROS: Plays a lot of golfon tough Florida courses. Other Notable Moments
Bear Trap 2004. I miss Mike, Duck and Ben Bear Trap 2003. Love Eddie in this Picture Don’t know the year, but our first club champ Walt
Stoyer is in the back row, also pictured the famous
Art, Bob Harris, Rick Blanton, Mike Vandeputte. Also
Cocks, I miss him too.
Jimmer and Ice tongue each other as Cocks looks on with Envy. The Pearl in Myrtle Beach, not sure what year. Jeff and Ricky Sco , Dennis Rader Bob Birchand Kevin Garrity are pictured. Another good one with Eddie Other Notable Moments
Could this be the 2014 Final Four? Hojo is giving a wink as Ice disrespec ully passes gas. Fagers, Ice drinking something Pink. Not sure who is between Duck and Roy. Circa 2008 2012 Final Four. Hill was eliminated by hole 7, Ice
made it to the 18th before being eliminated. Dave
sank a birdie putt in a playoff on the e55th hole to
win the Mustard.
Jimmer voices his opinion as other K8s ignore him. Brooks passes Gas in the background and blames Steve. Ice and Dave pu ng on the Ritz! Christmas 2012 The 2012 Top 3, Champ –Dave, runner up George, Third Place—Ice Other Notable Moments
K8s at RedEye Dock Bar circa 2005 Business Man Special, Cross Street beers circa 2012 Hojo’s emo onal 2012 Pilsner Win hugging a sweaty, smelly Hill. Duck, Ken, the author and Mike color coordinated at Fagers circa 2007 Lance, George, Bermuda on driving range in sub zero temperatures. Jimmer Rocking the ear muffs passing gas in the background and subsequently laying blame on the kid with the basket. Other Notable Moments
Bear Trap 2003. Love Eddie in this Picture Myrtle Beach. Ricky Sco
and Walt Stoyer are in the corners. I think this was the year a er Jeff passed away. Birth of the K8’s! Early 90’s! Daddy Blanton, Mommy Bob Harris and their two incorrigi‐
ble children Buster and Timex. Dig those crazy spectacles on Timex! My ode to John Lennon. Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies!
The Bathroom A endant at Fagers, and honorary Mustard winner. The Nino’s Sausage Fest! Circa 2013.. The 2014 sausage fest did not have sausage. Other Notable Moments
Ice and Ken with matching his and hers towels prepare for their Saturday Evening nap….circa 2012 Bermuda became one with a Bee colo‐
ny. Love, Love , Love this Tradi on. Money’s Bloody Mary’s signify the official start of the Quest for the Mustard Jacket. Thank God for the double par rule! This sad foursome set the all time k8 record for combined score
with a whopping 36 on hole 12 at Timbers at
Troy. Ice was so upset that the cart girl Michele with
2 L's had to console Ice.
Group Photo, not sure where. Like a bird, Mongo chews food and spits it into Ice’s mouth so Ice can digest it be er. The 2013 Playoff Hole Ice and Ken with mtching his and hers towels prepare for their Saturday Evening nap….circa 2012 The exci ng coin Flip. Ice pooped slightly. Our combatants embrace. Thank God for the double par rule! This sad foursome set the all time k8 record for combined score
with a whopping 36 on hole 12 at Timbers at
Troy. Ice was so upset that the cart girl Michele with
2 L's had to console Ice.
Ice Clutch Drive down the Middle Lance Nails a beau ful Shot Too. Group Photo, not sure where. The Bathroom A endant at Fagers, and honorary Mustard winner. Jimmer uses his feminine handwri ng to add the new Champs name. Lance‐a‐lot Links is sworn in and accepts the du es and re‐
sponsibili es that come with the Jacket.