To a Jewish Home

Christmas Comes
To a Jewish Home
By ANNE ROIPHE
I
T seems that every year, just as
we are taking our carefully selected Christmas tree off the top
of the car and dragging i(into the
:house, the rabbi who lives down the
block walks by. I smile sheepishly and
my heart ~"ins to pound.Beinga Jew
who celebrates Christmas, and there
are many of us, needs some explana.
tion. Certainly it's a sign of assimila.
tlon, of a generation with dim memories of the ghettos of Russia and Poland. it's a signal, all right, of religious
and ethnic breakdown. It':>a sign that
the melting pot Is still simmering if not
boiling.
My grandfather, I was told, would
never enter a museum because he felt
that there were so many pictures of
Jesus on the walls that he would be
forced to see the Inlage of the babe In
whose name his town was pillaged, his
parents killed, his temple burned and
he and his sisters driven penniless to a
foreign shore. What would he think If he
heard his great-grandchildren singing
"Hark The Herald Angels Sing" in
thelrschooJ assembly?
The Linea Chair is made of four
pieces of acrylic. plus the seat. Straight
acrylic rods are heated, bent
imd cast together for a smooth fine.
What would my grandmother with
her kosher kitchen think of my daughter who played the Virgin Mary in the
holiday pagael1t? What would they
think of their granddaughter sending
away for quainttree ornamentsfrom
mail-order catalogues and taking her
children to see "The Nutcracker Suite"
and watching the tree lighting in
Rockefeller Center and hiding Christmas presents in every drawer in the
house. My grandfather, although he
died before Iwas born, beforethe worst
of the atrocities against the Jews occurred, deserves an explanation.
.
I, too, somewhat uneasy, need to understand what is happening as the ch.ll.
dren watch "Rudolph the Red.Nosed
Reindeer"on televisionfor the sixth
straight year and I sit writing out the
Invitations to the aMual Christmas
Duy party my olde:>t friend and I give,
where we will read, as we always do,
DylanThomas's "A Child's Christmas
In Wales," and eat fruitcake and drink
eggnog.
My mother went to temple twice a
year, on the High Holy Days.Each
Continued
No screws or fasteners are used
in the frame. Tho chair is
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on Page C6
lbt ~t\tlilork l\mtl3
Published: December 21.1978
Copyright@The
New York Times
made by hand, which accounts
lis $1,500retail price.
for
Christmas in a Jewish Home
Continued From Page CJ
year she bought a new outfit for the occasion. She also lit a memorial candle
for her parents and its light burned on
her dressing table (where it sat among
the cosmetics, the perfume, the bits of
jewelry) mysteriously,
a sad, sacred
light. My mother could tell jokes in Yiddish she had learned from her aunts:
She played mah-jongg, canasta, back.
gammon. She was a practical woman
who loved the movies, detective novels,
and Chinese food. She belonged to a
Jewish country club. She had not
graduated high school and had never
been to a charity ball that was not for a
Jewish organiution.
She had never
had a friend who wasn't Jewish.
The ghetto was glided, but for her
children it had lost its religious energy.
Jehovah was too cruel. The world was
too full of variety and difference. We
were not sealed off by sufficient prejudice or mutual hatred from our Christian neighbors nnd their ways. It was
inevitable that her children should assimilate even further.
.
One year my mother purchased a
Christmas tree. She could not resist the
bright bulbs, the artificial snow base,
the wax Santa Claus candles anymore.
It was in our house a secular American
holiday, about presents, that's all. Still,
it had a certain shine and excitement to
it. The German maid, whose memories
of Bavarian childhood ennobled her in
my eyes, fixed the tree, the trimmings
and orchestrated
the holiday. My
mother did the shopping, as was her
pleasure. I unwrapped packages and
gazL-d with happiness at this Christian
version of the burning bush. Our Christ.
mas celehrations, ice cream molds of
reindeer, holly with red berries In the
vases, survivf~ the pictures of the
Hulocaust that Ix'gan to appear, but my
relir.ious .r~linr.s did not. What God
would choose his people for this?
One spring at the family seder, which
was as rOUlinr. and irreligious as our
Cltri5tm,1s cl!remony, I heard as if for
the .ir.;t time of the plagues God sl!nt
the Egyptians, 01 the death of thcir first
born, 01 the: SlIldjr.r~ swallowed up by
the Red Sea. and I left the table. I
would not celebrnte a God who was 50
tribal as to bring hann to onc group for
the sake of another.
Annostics bl.'came my friends. Even.
tu.1l1y I marril.'<Itwo of them, one Jew.
i~h, one nol. Their beliels were, like
mine, rational, humanist,
skepllC:ll,
existential,
uncertain,
vague. And
through the 18 years of ~ombincd mar.
riagl'S there has always been in my
hou.o;c a Christmas,
no longer any
seders, 110mort! IIlgh Holy Days at thl!
temple, fII) masses, no born again con.
vermons, just Christmas.
II sacred
event in our family life.
Obviously it hassoml'thing to do with
out of the ghl.'U", IIway
education
from the chcdl!r IIIto college, inll)
philosophy and history of art, into his.
iory of revolulions and psycholol.'Y, uf
Isms nnd anthropolnl:}, coml'S II,semSt!
of belonging to thl.' enlire human com.
munity. not merely one small tribal
band. II is impossible no! to love the
Raphaels, the Giouos. the Michaelangelos. The glory 01 the human eye
and hand lie there. The !<vmbol of Jp.sus
is just a symbol, an I',"cuse for human
bravado against the void. I ('an ~ humllnily where my gr:mdfather
saw
only the march of cossacks.
.
The Ami!.h are ab~olutl'ly right in
their conviction that education in the
broader society would undermine their
cohesion, destroy their cummunity.
Unless there has been strong childhood
indoctrination,
ethnic isolation, when
one Irarns enough of the nature 01 man
there is no longer a we and a them, an
aggressive, destructive other, a pa~:m
or heathen to be a\'Oidl.'<I. We st'C ourselves in the Samo:m or the Buddhist.
the gypsy and the Navaho. and simul.
taneously become more and somewhat
less.
I know a few Yiddish words. my children nont'. I have friends from all kinds
of backgrounds and so do the childrt'n.
I know I am Jewish hut my children a~
not at all clear. They say they arc leml'
nists, humanists. They plan to live ill
Paris, to be foreign corrl'spondenls, tn
be doctors and veterinarians
and
ranchers and parents. 11ley are second-generation Yankee f:ms. They never
knew a Yl'ar when there wasn't a
Christmas trt'C in the house, a stockinl:
hung up with carl.' and a hnliday smell
in the kitchen.
If all that Christmas
nffl'rs my
family is :I ('ommercial blast, II quil'k
thrill of new p'Issession,
thl:'l1 my
gr:mdrather's inslinct to avoid contar:1
was correct :mct the future 5t't'mS cVl'n
narrower than the pas I as we lose tribal
COML'Clions and n!place them wilh
emptin(!!;5. But we dll nut sink gelltly
into this anomie. Cunlae! with the great
Christian myth an,l art that comrs
each Occl'm""r mll!,t I". a spinlll:ll ex,
perience. E:Il'h yrar my husband reads
Dickens aloud 10 the children and thl'
story of Scrooge is mythologizl'<l into
our family ritual. Thr. stury is a!x>ut re.
demptinn, a joinin,~ ,)f I he human community by :1 man wl:1/ h:1<1bc~'n sn hurt
he had .Clrgolll'lI hnw In IIIVf',Spirilual
need not mr:1O ntherN(,rldly. mir:l.:n.
lolts or mar,iral. II ran !;Imply mC:1r1an
;twllkrming, :11I:.rkr~lwh'dgillg o. what
isbc5~ in the hllman sltuatiun.
The stnric'!; flf St. Nichnla!;, "Tht.
Niy,ht nefore Christmas,"
thel TV I;P",
cials about Frosty tht! Snuwman, UII.
dolph, and Kris Klaus :m.' ahnut 't~.1
triumphing tlvrr e!vil. ;thollttht! vir-tury
of the kind and Ihe wp.ak. TIle:;e mYlh!;
-
have counterparts
in tales told in In.
dian dances, Islamic fables, Shinto
lorl'. We might, if Wl' avoided all signs
IIrtine Christian tradition, be more eth.
nic. but nnt pu",r or more holy.
One Chri:amas morning we arrived
downstairs to find the carefully dccl'rated tree on the !loor. hroken ornaments everywhere. A cat had misun.
derstood thp occa~ion. Thl' de~lruction
was t('rriblt'. The childrm crit:'<!. We
put it up again, almost as good as new.
1 thought of the rebuilding of the temples. I wondered if only' in Jewish
homl's did the trees fall.
Why not chnose the Hanllkkah cere.
mony to satisfy mythological and cum.
munal nt'('(ls? I've askpd myself this
sl!riously. Many m:tkr just this ('hoicc'
fnr their family. I suppose it's likt'
dl'riding to hav/! dillnrr wilh an l':-r.
~;pouse with whom nile h:!s nld and bit.
h~rquarrr.ls or a rJt.w frit'nd whos(' loi.
I>I~ St'r,m more dislallt :Uld Ih,'rdore
mnre charmilllt. 'The Hanukkah stury
alway~ irrilated mI!. Why silch a small
mir:lrlc, jU~1hI mak,! the oil last ..ight
days. whl'n IIH' proper l1Iirad" wnuld
ha".' hI"'n I" haVl~ crl'alt'd Homans
Wllhuut Ih.. m'Ni In cOl1lltuor and
a\'(lid,'rIIIII'
appmarh
hllN>lly
w;Ir :lIfogl'lhl'r. AsI
.It.'wish traditions 1 find
nIt! :In,,~rs ri~;III~. Ih'I>..lhon :1/!ainsl the
antifrominism IIr tht' Jt'wish p:uriarchy
lIil's hal'll. It IS chl/kul! 10 ho.~(thcJUgh I
know sunlt' are) hnlh a f"millls! and a
J.~wish traditionalist.
J prefer Ihe
stra nger's way~.
till'
.
Fur lilY dllllll'l'n whu~;f' ielt'ntlly is
vaJ.:tIr., whll liav,., IH'v,'r ht'..rll of Ih,'
r>iaspolTa ur Masarla, I hope IIII' wurld
"lIrllimJlU;lu I..t th,'rn rh,.ns,', 'nll'ir tlis.
t:III('(' lrum II". ,:Iwttn ekpr'ncl!; on Iht'
Christian WlIl'hl t'unlilluillH tn sllppn'ss
Ih,' tI,'mlllls wilhin IIs('If. Shnllhl mass
,o'r.;e..:ut",,\S .;tan :l1::lIn, I wllilid w('ar
tht. y..llllw ~:Iar (/f Pav
Wllldl nlakt's
th,' flt'Ppo'f'lIIUlt I'allt's nn nur In s al.
ways !ullt'rslO 1.
As I h.,k at lilt! tn~' lights I n'mrm.
!N'r 1l1I!Ii,:ht IIf th,' nWHlllrial candle'.
Som..how mal:ir.al alld sa.-rt~J. My
mOlht'r's rantlll, in rncrnnry of hl'r
I.!r,innin~s aud ht'r past, Iwr family.
'Illt'lighl!; UII"ur tn'", always nil/II klllIIrt,<1I>t'(::IIIS('Ih.. dllldn'n insist Ulllh!!
"lImit.~tllf lre'..s. art. lilY slgnaltll mysl'If, III lilY t.hilll II: Suml'lhin/: is !;;!'
f'rI'(I, hilly, I tllIlI'l kllllW ,':-raclly whal,
SIIIIU!I illws an' sl" ".. makl! m; lcoml,.r
anI! hIlPt'ful. vuh,,'ral.h' III I'al'tlIItlll'r,
W" an'l ryin/: III'x' I'Ivilm.tl.
.
,\/IIf(' /~",,'III' '" WI ,:111/,,/1'It./",,,, luIt , /)1",114,"'{"""".~""n,"
i1i~r ~rlD !lork limrs
Published: December 21. 1978
Copyright @The New Vorl<'limes