Full Issue Click Here - High School of American Studies @ Lehman

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Coup D'etat Topples
Concepcion Government
By Roger Ramjit
The school government of HSAS has un
dergone major changes in the past few months. The
election of President Tomas Concepcion in June '06
was the start of a brand new government. The major
players in this new government were supposed to be
Jana and Tomas along with grade representatives and
other officials. At first the government was working
perfectly well.
This government was actually putting on ac
tivities and events. First we attended the Trivia Fest,
which included two slices of pizza and soda. It was a
great success; everyone enjoyed themselves and it was
a great start to the year. The entire student body had
high hopes for the rest of the year. The next event was
the Halloween Dance, in which the student governTop: Jana Mustafa staples Our President
Cartel in the Teachers' Lounge
By Benny Tineo
Last week in the bathroom, I noticed some
thing unusual. In the utility closet in the boy's bath
room, there were bits of what appeared to be rock salt
used to de-ice the roads. I then witnessed Mr. Gilbert
Continued on page 4
What Really Goes on in the Teacher Meetings:
By Tiarra Tosca and
Jisun Kim
Every Monday teachers and faculty meet in
Ms. Rice's room to "discuss important issues related to
school." However from thorough research and secret
feverishly picking them up constantly repeating, "My
interviews, we have come to the conclusion that our
teachers don't spend their Mondays discussing school
precious." I believed this went much deeper than
policies. No, instead they are happily pampering them
Mr. Gilbert just using. Seeking more information, I
met with an unknown person simply known as Otarui. It turns out Mr. Gilbert was using his own sup
ply. Otarui revealed information to me that rocks the
selves, playing around, and entertaining themselves.
The bell rings confirming to the students
of HSAS that their last period has officially ended.
Everyone runs out to meet their friends in the hallway
school's foundation to the core. I discovered a huge
and complain about how it's only the first day of the
ring that was based in our quaint, little school. There
week - Monday. All the students are chit-chating away
is an elaborate plan that involves all of the teachers in
but no one knows what's really being planned. Once
different fronts of the operation. Mr. Mansdorf was
the bell strikes 3:00 RM. the peace officers brutally
the kingpin of the whole operation. He oversaw the
force the students out of the school. Who would have
Continued on page S
Continued on page 3
Sports
Page 13
MEL WONG DRAFTED TO THE NBA
By Robert Billena
Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
Our very own American history/economics teacher, Mr. Ben Wong, has been selected and drafted into the
NBA, more specifically into the Houston Rockets. Rumor has it, he might even be replacing center, Yao Ming,
because of a serious injury he acquired while guarding Heat superstar, Shaq.
So, why did Mr. Wong decide to try out for the NBA, and why did he get so defensive when he was clearly a
pro? Alec Joseph had this to say when on a miraculous day he was caught awake. "Well, I think Mr. Wong just
didn't want to let it out that he was this good."That was all, before he fell asleep. Questions arc arising, such as
"When is he going to start? Is he really going to replace Yao Ming?" But the biggest question is, "Will he still be
our teacher?"
I guess we will have to wait until the next time the Rockets play to figure out if the rumor is true. But for now,
let's all assume that he will replace Yao Ming. Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate? WONG! WONG!
WONG!
Mr. Wong, tonight on ESPN!
Attention!!
Attention!!
YA DON'T FEEL GOOD? TALK TO
DR. FEEL GOOD!
The Common Sense Newspaper features a column where you can get advice about your problems from your
fellow peers. If you have any issue on which you want advice, drop it in the official Dr. Feel Good box located by
g..
the guidance counselors' office. (For confidentiality, you may remain anonymous.)
^
Page 4
NeWS
con^d from page i Coup D'etat Topples Concepcion Government Cont.
ment spent an outlandish amount of funds on decorations. Afterwards, I asked numerous government offi-
there haven't been any." Sean commented, "I smell
something fishy and it smells like Jana."
cials why they spent that much money on decorations.
One of the unnamed government officers stated that
The most evident changes in the government
and the emergence ofJana's power began after mid-
Jana wanted to spend this money and that there was
no stopping her. The dance went off without a problem- unlike past dances. This time around the president and the cabinet made sure it went off perfectly.
Then, the day before Thanksgiving vacation, the school
hosted the Wildin' Out tournament in the basement
of Gillet Hall. At this time everything was looking up
and student optimism was high as they anticipated the
second half of the year.
The second semester started ominously with
the absence of the annual Talent Show before Christmas break, which had become a tradition in HSASsimilar to the Sox v. Yanks. It was even more surprising that student government officers, such as Randy
Abreu and Sean "da playboy" Motie, had no clue what
was going on. Randy stated, "I haven't been to a stu-
recess break. President Tomas Concepcion returned
from the break in a deep depression and looked
noticeably different. Tomas had been KNOWN, from
the 4th grade and all throughout his high school
career, as having long hair. But then he returned with
his head shaved! The unthinkable! I attempted to get a
comment from Tomas regarding the loss of his hairand his black eye- but he was shy. All he stated, in a
crying state, was, "I don't want to talk about it."
In the following weeks the teachers were told
about the new dictatorship from the dictator herself;
Jana publicly proclaimed that she is the new head
of the government and has vowed to bow to no one.
What does this mean for the rest of the school year
and what is in the future for Tomas? Will Jana finish
the job or will Tomas have to hide for the rest of his
dent government meeting since November because
high school career?
What Mr. Weiss Really Does
By Sean Motie
Our new principal, Mr. Weiss has to be the
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color. Mr. Weiss invented it.
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on a confused look sometimes. Out of 35 students
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surveyed, all 35 agreed they d pick Mr. Weiss over Mrs.
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Our school faced a crisis on Monday, March
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many students, and even a lot of teachers wonder what
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made a lasting impression on all HSAS students with
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and turning in bed trying to figure out a unique name
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beginning and ending classes. Without Mr. Weiss s
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laptops. Our computer expert Mr. Rockfeld was no
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Luckily Mr. Weiss is our principal. He began to as.
Cnnrinurrinn pave S"
Page 12
Pictures
Class of2007
Cherishing
the Moment
News
Page 5
semble a group of computer specialists, including Mrs.
the best principal HSAS has had in its 5 year history.
Flintall, HSAS's secretary. In less than 151 minutes,
He's cool, he's suave and, according to BennyTineo,
the virus was contained. All the computers were work-
"Mr. Weiss is a calm, collected dude, and he rocks!"
ing, and Mr. Mansdorf 's neck veins went back into
hiding.
In the end, everyone agreed that Mr. Weiss was
Crack in the Teacher's Lounge Continued
Continued from page 1
operation and made sure that it
Mr. Rockfeld were in charge of
served as guards and would not let
was running smoothly. But that
distribution. Mr. Sacchini and Ms.
anyone into the teacher's lounge
brings up a big question. How
Villani expanded the operation by
that was not permitted. It also
did they acquire the goods? The
involving the Italian Mafia. This
turns out that the "retirement" of
answer lies with Mr. Rodriguez.
ring is huge.
Ms. Luftman, our former princi
He smuggled pure cocaine across
This brings up another
pal was in fact an assassination. It
the Mexican Border in his Toyota
question. How did they manage to
turns out that she did not want
Yaris. It was then delivered to our
keep the ring under wraps? They
anything to do with it anymore.
resident chemist, Ms. Walsh. She,
did this in many ways. First, on
She was executed by the guards
along with Dr. Bcnmoussa, were in
the local level, they paid off several
and dumped into the ocean. In
charge of the lab. Gilbert informed
teachers from the English depart
her absence, a new principal was
me that they would lock Ms. Walsh
ment. Mr. Olivieri dealt with
assigned to our school. Mr. Weiss,
and Dr. Benmoussa in the science
cleaning the laundered money,
often seen as a joyful figure, appar
lab and only let them out when
while Ms. Peterson was the legal
ently is not afraid to get his hands
they produced the product.
mind behind the operation. Air.
dirty. He is the friendly face of the
Elinson and the peace officers
school covering the huge ring that
Mr.
Wong, Mr. Gilbert Mr. Iurato, and
Interviews
Page 9
MO: (mocking tone) ... Epitome of cleanliness... blah, blah, blah...
AR: I thought that you requested this interview.
MO: I did... I did. I apologize. I wanted to tell the school what I felt about these stupid announcement sheets.
(Mr. Olivieri angrily crumbled the paper that he held and threw it aside.)
AR: What do you feel? Angry, I'm guessing.
MO: OF COURSE I'm angry! I've been replaced by recycled, pastel-colored, glorified toilet paper! Why can't
I make the announcements anymore? Do the students have a problem? The teachers? What about you? Do you
have a problem with that?
AR: Well, and this is only one opinion, your announcements are kind of... drab.
MO: Drab? Drab? I can spice things up! Have you heard that monastery music that I play in the hallway every
morning? That's spicy! Caliente!!
AR: ... Not exactly.
MO: Oh God... (Mr. Olivieri was subdued by heaving sobs.Twenty awkward minutes passed before he uttered
his next statement) Do you have Kleenex?
AR: No. Now please, what is your message to the school?
MO: Against my will, I was replaced by these announcement sheets. They're hardly read! At least, back in the
good 'ol days, you didn't have a choice - you had to listen to me! The school's going to fall in shambles! The poor,
uninformed masses!!
AR: Uninformed?
MO: YES! Uninformed!! How will you know when there's a bake sale? When will you ever be told about the
important things? Doughnuts will go uneaten!
AR: Do you see any bright side about this whole issue?
MO: Of course not! What kind of question is... Wait. Maybe.
AR: Elaborate, please.
MO: Well, I do have more time on my hands.
AR: Which up to this point you've wasted wallowing in depression.
MO:... You're right. I'm still not pleased, though.
AR: Of course not... But I'm not Dr. Phil, you know.
MO:... I think I can organize my desk now! I can shred all those papers; count the pennies in my jar! I'll have
free time; I can visit classes during the day!
AR: In other words, you can be like Mr. Weiss.
MO: EXACTLY! I can be like—Hey.
AR: I'd like to have a response to an issue brought up by certain teachers. There are many that are displeased
with your surreptitious ways of slipping in announcements during the day.
MO: I have done no such thing.
AR: Just twenty minutes ago you listed ninety-five students who hadn't brought in their college books.
MO: That's different.
AR: How? Why are you, all of a sudden, relying on monosyllabic responses?
MO: Even if I had been making these announcements, they were very important! Absolutely contingent upon
keeping the peace in this school!
AR: How so?
MO: Well, for instance, if I didn't remind the students about chemistry tutoring, Ms. Walsh may get upset. So
upset that, with her prowess in the field of explosive chemicals, she may completely cause the school to melt.
AR: I don't see that happening.
MO: How would you know?
AR: I suppose I wouldn't. Well, thank you very much for your time, Mr. Olivieri. Unfortunately, I have recitation
now, and if I don't go I'm afraid I'll be placed on some kind of list.
MO: Wait! This interview isn't over—
Continued on page 10
News
Page 7
DeBethune Changes the
Senior Superlatives
By Stephanie Sanchez
Ms. Debethunc has gone on a crazy rage due to the upcoming yearbook superlatives. Sources say she was rant
ing and raving about the unrealistic superlatives and was determined to create a new list that would better "fit
our students". She was overheard criticizing candidates for "best dressed," "best smile," and "most likely to suc
ceed". Here is a list of the newly composed superlatives the enraged DeBethune has compiled.
1)
Most likely to tour schools lecturing about clean living while strumming the guitar: Nick Wright Bodine
2)
Most likely to be an internet stalker: Adam Diker
3)
Most likely to try to assassinate the president: Scott Miller
4)
Most likely to be a botanist by day and stripper by night: Chadradat Motie
5)
Most likely to be deported for a communist conspiracy against the government: Qiuming Huang
6)
Most likely to be a sleep at home husband married to a rich girl: Alec Joseph
7)
Most likely to run away to Vegas and become a show girl: Clelia Pena
8)
Most likely to be married with kids before his 18th birthday: Victor Roberts
9)
Most likely to become a violent dictator with no husband or children: Jana Mustafa
10)
Most likely to hack into the stock market computer system and make it crash for the second time:
Robert Billena
11)
Most likely to appear on "E True Hollywood Story": Steven Johnson
12)
Most likely to be a wanted felon because he tried to blow up the world: Mark Navy
13)
Most likely to be the Knicks Water boy: Dimitre Boyukliev
14)
15)
16)
17)
Most likely
Most likely
Most likely
Most likely
18)
Most likely to still suffer from senioritis ten years from now: Gloria Medina
19)
Most likely to try to talk his way out of a bust: Tamar Joseph
20)
21)
Most likely to be a bum living with his parents for the rest of his life: Roger Ramjit
Most likely to join in an all white singing group: Whitney Birdsall
22)
Most likely to die on a roller coaster because his head hit one of the bars: Garnett Benjamin
to
to
to
to
lose a limb from a tragic fall in a basketball game: Shawn Axclbank
be the next person Naomi Cambcll hits over the head with a blackberry: Benny Tineo
go bankrupt, in the craziest shopping spree of all time: Michelle Cipollaro
file a petition removing the letter HR" from the alphabet because it is too hard to
pronounce: Akilah Matthew
We are proud to announc
late pass
color-nQiy\ing competition
%olariQ"? Unhappy with '
Of"? See A/[r. Weiss for <
ten in butch Will receive i
the first ever, annual
Think you can improve on
ireadnough t" or "
s•tails! Submissions
sea'al consideration!
Page 8
News
You know you go to H.S.A.S when...
By Akilah Matthew and Roselyn Roman
1. you go to a school dance and you have to dance three feet away from your date
2. you re running from a school bully and you realize you only have one hallway to run in
3. you're sitting in history class and a random piece of chalk smacks you on your forehead
4. you realize your two story shack is bigger than your school
5. you hear a rumor that YOU started
6. ziti is a fashion concept rather than a food alternative
7. your guest from a school party leaves in an ambulance
8. your school dance is finally exciting BECAUSE your guest left in an ambulance
9. you've dated your girlfriend's/boyfriend's two best friends and enemy
10. you've cheated on your girlfriend/boyfriend 1st period and everyone knows about it by third period
11. you can announce everyone's name in the school in less than 5 minutes
12. someone asks you where your school is and you say the "tool shed in the parking lot"
13. iou hear your assistant principals'voice every single hour every day
14. it takes you 20 minutes to get to your next class despite the fact that it's only one door down
15. you have your senior grade meeting, school dance, talent show, picture day, after school activity and school
banquet all in the same room
16. you have to consider homework as a hobby
17. you do more work at home than you actually do at school
18. you have to do more class work on a field trip then you do in actual school
19. the president you voted for isn't president at all
20. your late pass has a color code for every day
21. you have a microwave in the girls'bathroom
22. you favorite teacher is Mr. Cass
23. the nurse gives you a band-aid for a headache
24. the gym teacher, the health teacher, and the dean are all the same person
25. the chemistry teacher knows more gossip than you do
Vice Principal Cries, "Injustice!"
By Amber Rodriguez
The new HSAS tradition takes place (or is supposed to take place) third period every day. Emblazoned on
brightly colored paper are the daily announcements - alerts of the goings-on and already-done. This, although a
God-send to most students, has been a cause for dismay for the Vice Principal, HSAS' own Martin Olivieri.
Always the most charismatic and eloquent in the room, Mr. Olivieri sought out this reporter to voice his
concerns. Tears streaming down his face as he clutched a melon-colored legal-sized paper, Olivieri spoke from
behind his huge oak desk. This is how our emotionally tumultuous interview unfurled.
Amber Rodriguez: Mr. Olivieri, you seem to be under a great deal of stress. Please, tell me exactly what the
problem is.
Mr. Olivieri: Of course I'm stressed! Look at me! I'm a mess! My desk is ridiculous; I have the Bic pens in the
same jar as my Sharpies!!
AR: With all due respect, your desk hasn't been the epitome of cleanliness...
Continued on page 9
Lifestyles
Page 6
Alicia Ibrahim: M.LA.
Found on cruise?
Anonymus
It has been suspected that Alicia Ibrahim skipped a whole week of school in order to go on a cruise to
the Caribbean. However, she returned without a tan or a well rested look. The big question is, where did she re
ally go?
Many theories rose among her classmates. Some have very cynical views, others wild fantasies. When
Amber Rodriguez was asked where she thought Alicia had gone she responded, "I think that Alicia might've
been kidnapped by Russian spies who believed Alicia had information on HSAS, which they thought to be a
C.I.A. headquarters." Amber, with a flushed look on her face, hurried back to typing her article for the schools
newspaper. She had a suspicious look, but not enough to indicate she was hiding a secret.
Other students were asked about where they thought she could be. Chandradat Motic, hypothesizing
through a dream he had, claimed that Alicia had left to go live in the Amazon rainforest with her Yanomami
tribal ancestors. After listening to Chandradat s hypothesis, it was obviously not true since Alicia is really from
Ethiopia.
The HSAS investigative team has uncovered photos of Alicia sunbathing on a private yacht off the cost
of Cuba. When Tamar Joseph was confronted with this fact he claimed that Alicia was sailing on her yacht to
join the guerilla fighters in Colombia. He also stated that he has heard Alicia is in cahoots with Colombia's
greatest drug dealer, Pablo Escobar, and went to Colombia in order to aid in continuing his drug empire.
After a week of being absent from school, Alicia returned, refusing to make any comment on her where
abouts. To this very day, Alicia's whereabouts still remains a mystery to the HSAS investigative team.
A helicopter photo of the actual cruise Alicia was on.
Interviews
Page 10
Since the date of the interview, Mr. Olivieri has been seen wandering the school corridors (rather, corridor) in
good spirits. However, he has not completely relinquished his duties as School Informer. There have been days
that Mr. Olivieri has repeated announcements made earlier.This has not, however, been as detrimental to lessons
as they had been in the past.
Having addressed this hot-button issue, I suppose I've only left one question unanswered. What exactly
does a Vice Principle do, anyway?
THE REAL ELINSQN
By Clelia Pena
Whenever Morgan Elinson's name is mentioned in the
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g who can win in a roundhouse lack
wondering
iallway-and-a-half of HSAS, there is always some sort
challenge between Elinson and Chuck Norris, I have
tf legend attached to it. He has strings with God. He
interviewed both the man and the legend in an at-
s God. He is a mind-reader. He is in actuality a CIA
t£mpt f0 find QUt what is fact and what is fiction_
igent under codename Xandcr. He is a trained mar
tial artist and killer and was a Navy Seal, a Marine, a
sniper and manages to teach by day, coach cross counry by afternoon and fight crime by night. Now before
Common Sense: Can you tell us about your background?
Elinson: I'm originally from Roosevelt Island; I attended Stuyvesant High School, spent some time in the Mid
west and went to the University of Buffalo .
ommon Sense: And what did you between college and beginning your career as a teacher?
Elinson: I spent some time in Hawaii .
CS: And what were you doing in Hawaii?
ME: Stuff.
CS: Could you elaborate?
ME: Next question.
CS: Huh? Okay. So what about the rumors of your time spent in the military?
ME: What about them?
CS: Are they true?
ME: Truth is a funny thing. Have you ever run for an entire day straight?... It's a toll on your muscles but its an
imazing high.
CS: What, no. I thought I was asking the questions.
ME: 1 thought you were too, so let's keep going.
News
Continued from paec i
Page 3
What Really Goes on in the Teacher Meetings? Continued
known that they were getting ready for a whole new
army to arrive at school? The minute we evacuate, the
laser tag.
WHO'S COVERING THE COST FOR
DOE Manicurist and Pedicurist extraordinaire ar
ALL THIS? You can start to wonder why the school
rive on the scene. They are all heavily equipped with
claims it has no more money for overnight trips for
state of the art equipment and special techniques with
its freshmen. You can smell the money being thrown
which no hand can go untreated. The manicurist deli
away for our teachers to relieve the stress that they
cately handles Mr. Blitz's hang nails and moisturizes
claim the students put on them.
(repeatedly) Mr. Schulman's calluses. Immediately af
The typical Monday for a faculty member
terwards arrives the masseuse with cots and Egyptian
(especially a member of a winning team) is much more
cotton linen. They relieve the tension for Ms. Walsh
expensive than our senior trip and all other trips com
and Mr. Rodriguez while they are swept away into the
bined. The teachers probably don't want to share their
world of video games. For all we know, they could be
excitement with their students. No wonder our trips
doing this right in front of your lockers. Just picture
end up being
!
Mr. Rodriguez being lathered in lotions, calmly lying
in a satin bathrobe while the aroma of vanilla lotions
permeates the air.
Meanwhile the teachers divide into two teams
- the history experts versus the Math buffs. They're
playing... get this... Limbo! Every week Mr. Wongtries to break his record of not being the first to get
out, however his efforts are fruitless (He actually pre
fers to break dance). Halabi and Mr.Thoman are the
first ones up; they aren't allowed to overanalyze. Due
to Mr. Halabi's stature he was unable to overcome the
5'pole and was eliminated. The history experts ad
vance to the next round. Mr. Weiss and Mr. Olivieri
have set up their personal favorite game - Twister.
Right hand blue. Left leg green. Just imagine the
tangled mess of limbs and other stuff.
This is what HSAS stands for. This is how our
"role models" spend their Monday afternoons after
brutally forcing their students out the door. Let's not
forget the round of Texas Hold 'Em (rumor has it Mr.
Baker is undefeated), the mechanical bull (compli
ments of Ms. Wong), and the karaoke (Ms. Barber
is rumored to be the next Kelly Clarkson). All of the
excitement happens in one day and not always in the
same room. You see the teachers have to keep their lit
tle secret stress relievers a secret and frequently switch
rooms from time to time. Several students found a
membership to Slip n' Slide Ultimate Theme Park and
a receipt for Remy Billiards (maybe Ms. Peterson has a
long shot) in room 117.
Whatever the event, our teachers have a lot
of explaining to do. How do you think Mr. Sacchini
sprained his hand? Duh! Wrestling. How do you think
Mr. Baker wound up in a cast? Obviously from all the
So THIS is what teachers really do...
Interviews
Page 11
CS: Um... sure. Anyway, is it true that you are secretly a CIA agent, codcname Xander?
ME: [laughs] I cant really say.
CS: [laughs] Does that mean you are and you can't say, or that you can't say because you aren't.
ME: Who knows?
CS: Well you would...
ME: Huh. I would, wouldn't I?
CS: Presumably yes.
ME: Do you have any other questions?
CS: Two more. First, are you God?
ME: No.
CS: Is it true that in addition to teaching by day and coaching track and cross country in the afternoons you
fight crime by night?
ME: That's a busy schedule. But I'll let you decide that one.
CS: One more question.
ME: You lied to me before then.
CS: I did, I'm sorry. Anyway, we all want to know, why did you shave your head?
ME: It makes me aerodynamic.
At this point Elinson walked away swiftly and left me with no other information.
Microwave Back from MIA
By Fahmida Ahmed, Juani Feliz, Allyson Rodriguez
At the Holiday performance there was a big celebra
Then one day, Chiwana Toiley was running to the
tion for the school's very own microwave. The student
girls'bathroom with a bad case of diarrhea. She was
government was very proud to show it to the whole
about to go through the second door when she saw
school at Lovinger Theatre at Lehman College. Ev
a white box sparkling at the corner of her eyes. She
eryone applauded thinking, "No more broken down
was in such disbelief that she had found the missing
Lehman College microwave! No more long lines!"
microwave, that her digestive system lost control. But
The new, sparkly white microwave was a savior to the
she didn't care, she had found the freakin' microwave!
hundreds of students who bring lunch from home.
She ran outside screaming and told Mr. Mansdorf
Then, the microwave was plugged in the cafeteria the
where the microwave was. He ran to the girls' bath
first day after vacation. It was so convenient to not
room, rolled the microwave out, plugged it in, and
have any long lines of college students heating up
everyone applauded!!
their food for five minutes. However, after a couple of
days, the microwave could not be found.
People went crazy not knowing where it went. Where
would they heat up their lunch now? Nobody wanted
to use the college's crappy and smelly microwave
again. Teachers saw students running around Lehman
campus, investigating each building, looking for the
microwave. "It was very sad to see kids go mad just
because they couldn't find the microwave," stated
senior Tiarra Tosca, a lunch buyer. So the students
one by one began to lose all hope and faith that they
would see their beauty once again.
Page 2
By Fakhrul Alam
News
normal. However, something odd occurred; an unusual
school curriculum. The announcement routine was
he wanted to be involved in a more "academic-based"
rejection of a miraculous Duke scholarship because
sion B championships,Then, he mentioned Dimitres
girls'varsity basketball teams on their recent Divi
back. Alec looked up at the clock. It read 2:25, and he
weary, and seemed like he had been through hell and
moment to observe the look on Alec's face. He was
to, so Sacchini responded by saying, "Alec is awakedaaaaa!"The class erupted with laughter, but took a
weird?" No one seemed to know what he was referring
cesco Sacchini, Mr. Sacchini looked around the room,
and rhetorically asked his class, "Do you see anything
the entire day. Alec's acceptance of the challenge was
precise and convincing, as he uttered, "Indubitably".
After lunch, Alec went straight to room 128
for pre-calculus with the ever so enthusiastic Fran
accomplishing an unprecedented feat - staying awake
deprived companion to remain motivated towards
everyone else at the table encouraged their sleep-
slowly starting to take its toll on me." Eric, along with
whole day- from first period till now- and I think it's
wrong. He responded by saying, "I haven't slept the
this unusual behavior from Alec, asked him what was
ing at humorous comments. Eric Rodriguez, seeing
listening to people's conversations and casually laugh
and mashed potatoes, Alec put his head down, while
between dialogues. After he feasted on a platter of rice
converse with his peers without having to yawn in
day when he gets to feed his immense appetite and
It was fifth period- Alec's favorite time of
make sure I wasn't hallucinating."
was in such disbelief that I had to wipe my eyes just to
The Great Awakening
It was yet another typical Monday at the
High School of American Studies, or so it seemed.
The day started precisely at 8:05 and Mr. Olivieri's
monotonous yet peculiar announcements went off on
member of the student body was actually paying atten
could almost feel the taste of victory Just as he was
the loudspeaker. First, he congratulated the boys' and
tion to the broadcast. He goes by the name of Alec, a
about to close his eyes, a high pitch alarm went off,
the start of the period, and the paper actually ended up
the semester, he remained awake during the quiz at
noticed his unusual attentiveness. For the first time in
sible.
school day. Alec had finally accomplished the impos
drill kept Alec awake for the last ten minutes of the
and before he knew it, the school was out to perform
another fruitless fire drill. Reenergized by fresh air, the
Mr. Thoman, Alec's second period teacher,
spiritless, mundane scholar at PISAS.
under his arm as opposed to making contact with his
Afro. Looking quizzically at Alec, Mr. Thoman asked,
(in a polite yet cynical way) "Are you feeling alright,
Alec.. .Is something bothering you and averting you
from taking your casual nap?" Although awake, Mr.
Joseph replied with his customary modal voice and
said, "Mmm". Midway through fourth period, Ms.
Wong wrote down in her notes: "11:03- and I have yet
to see Alec boorishly put his hood over his head and
fall asleep at the front table!" When asked to recall
the account, Ms. Wong said, "Never in my life have I
experienced anything so astonishing and unforeseen. I
Sports
Page 14
Soji's Disciple Goes Big Time
By Adam Dikcr
Often times, when the Boys'Basketball team is practicing
in the old gym or even playing in the Apex, there is always some
random guy watching. It's always the same guy. He's tall with a
grey mustache and grey hair. The boys on the team often thought
about the weird old man watching them play, but never said any
thing to him or even about him. Was he a pedophile, who liked
athletic young men, or was he just a weird old man with nothing
better to do from 3-6 pm? At the games he was often seen but
never heard. He was very quiet. Could he be a stalker?
We recently found out why this old man has been follow
ing the basketball team. The old man, named Howard Blitz, unre
lated to our very own Coach Blitz, revealed himself as the oldest
basketball scout for Duke University. Mr. Blitz approached three
members of the basketball team -Jonathan Silva, Esteban Gaviria,
and Dimitre Boyukliev, after the Acorn game at St. Johns' recre
ational center. Mr. Blitz told them that he had been watching them
everyday for months because thev were the top, up-and-coming
youths in theTri-state area. Mr. Blitz offered Dimitre Boyiikliev
a full scholarship to Duke University to be the starting 2 man for
the Blue Devils. Esteban and Jonathan have been offered spots in
the future, pending whether they actually make the team in up
coming seasons.
When interviewed, Dimitre Boyukliev was very excited
about his chance to shine in a Division I school and his free edu
cation. He frequently said his catch phrase, "We college bound." It
seemed like Dimitre was very confident about his basketball skills.
Recently, Mr. Blitz returned for Dimitre's answer. Dimitre informed Coach Blitz that he would be un
able to attend Duke on a full athletic scholarship. He later said that this decision was made because he will be
attending the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Dimitre plans on dropping basketball and excelling in
academics. He said, "My poor grades in high school was a last effort to get all the bad stuff out of me."Dimitre
is going to the engineering program at MIT without a full scholarship, but is using the money he makes from
the ice cream store to fund his college escapades. He is quoted as saying, "I wanna be a spaceship engineer, true
story." Dimitre will surely work hard to reach his dream of making spaceships. Who would have guessed that
Dimitre would drop his basketball dream, which was just a handshake away, for NASA? Dimitre Boyukliev has
large dreams of space in his future. On a final note, Howard Blitz is still trying to scout Esteban and Jonathon
Silva, and is hoping that they may even make the HSAS basketball team in the future.
qj
Advisor: Mr. Mansdorf
la
Graphic Design: Jonathan Kim, Joshua Hernan
dez
Editors: JiSun Kim, Clelia Pefia, [fy Nnaji
Photos: Akilah Matthews, Benny Tineo, Tomar Joseph