Track V.6 Conflict Resolution

Transcription

Biblical Counseling Workshops
Conflict Resolution
TrackV.6
Conflict Resolution V.6
Much of the content of this presentation is taken from:
The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide for
Resolving Personal Conflict
by Ken Sande
Content is being used with the permission of:
© Peacemaker Ministries. Used with
permission. For additional information
about biblical peacemaking, visit
www.Peacemaker.net
2
Problem
3
Two Triangle Diagram
(the “iceberg” of conflict)
Rom.
14:17-19
Peace
Righteous
Problems
(Conflict)
Relationship Skills &
Character Traits
Created after the
likeness of God
Heart
(Desires)
James
4:1-2
Sinful
Corrupted by
deceitful desires
New Man: “God Worship” Old Man: “Self-Worship”
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Key: heart change is needed (Eph. 4:17-24)
Relationship Skills in Conflict
(or Peace)
(Note: the absence of the skills increases conflict)
1. Communication (Eph. 4:25-29; Col. 4:6)
2. Conflict resolution (Col. 3:8-15)
3. Spiritual worship (Eph. 4:2-7; 5:17-21; Col. 3:15-17)
4. Understanding roles (Eph. 6:1-9; Col. 3:18-25)
5. Spending time together (Eph. 5:15-19; Col. 4:5)
6. Honoring & serving one another (Eph. 4:2-3,
15-16; 5:21; Col. 3:18-25)
5
Relationship Character Traits in
Conflict (or Peace)
(Note: the opposite of these traits increases conflict)
1. Compassion (Eph. 4:32; Col. 3:12)
2. Kindness (Eph. 4:32; Col. 3:12)
3. Humility (Eph. 4:2; Col. 3:12)
4. Gentleness (Eph. 4:2; Col. 3:12)
5. Patience (Eph. 4:2-3; Col. 3:12)
6. Bearing with one another (Eph. 4:31; Col. 3:13)
7. Forgiveness (Eph. 4:32; Col. 3:13)
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8. Love (Eph. 5:1-2; Col. 3:14)
Self-Worshippers vs.
God-Worshippers
1. “Self-worshippers”: become agitated (frustrated) and
antagonistic (fighting and quarreling) when confronted with
God’s will in their life. They are opposed to any will or
worship but their own.1
-Scriptural illustration: Herod (Matt. 2:1-8, 16)
2. How do believers grieve (sorrow) God?
-when they exhibit the opposite type of relationship skills
and character traits (Eph. 4:29-31)
-all which create relational conflict
3. What is the antidote to conflict and self-worship?
Eph. 5:1-2
7
1Daniel
Bennett
Self-Worshippers are Idolaters
4. What is an idolater (self-worshipper)?
Key traits: selfish desires, ingratitude (greed & covetousness),
destructive speech
Eph. 5:3-5
5. What distinguishes believers from unbelievers in God’s eyes?
Eph. 5:5-11
James 4:1-4
-“children of light” living to please God (believers)
-“sons of disobedience” who live for themselves (darkness)
and make themselves the enemy of God (wrath)
-conflict (a life characterized by quarrels and fights)
-Matt. 18:17 principle: “treat him as an unbeliever” (prolonged
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conflict)
Conflict: What is it?
What is it?
Conflict: a difference in opinion or purpose (values) that
frustrates a person’s goals and desires (James 4:1-3)
Where does conflict come from?
What causes conflict?
1.
2.
3.
4.
Misunderstandings
Differences in values or goals
Competition over resources
Evil desires (heart idols)
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© Peacemaker Ministries. Used with permission. For additional information about biblical peacemaking, visit www.Peacemaker.net.
Conflict: What is it?
At what levels does conflict (or peace) exist?
1. with God (Rom. 5:1-2, 8-10; James 4:4)
2. with yourself (1 John 3:19-24)
3. with others (Matt. 5:21-22; Eph. 2:11-18)
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How Does God Work in Conflict?
1. Why does God allow trials (problems) in our life?
2. What are the two ways God gives to get out of a
problem?
3. What three opportunities are present in every
conflict?
Principle: “Trusting God enables us to see conflicts not as accidents, but
as opportunities.”
Principle: “God doesn’t tell us all we want to know; He tells us all we need
to know.”
Principle: “Your view of God affects your trust in God. In conflict you
must decide whether or not you will trust God.”
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“The Slippery slope of Conflict”
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Three Conflict Responses
1. Escape Responses
-focus on self
-lack of communication
-“peace-fakers”
-bring only temporary relief
-avoidance, denial, & excusing
-worsen the problem by postponing
2. Attack Responses
-focus on others (wrongly)
-public fighting
-“peace-breakers”
-critical spirit
-damage relationships and witness
-desire to win and be in control
-blame, intimidate, anger, verbal assault, gossip, slander, violence, hatred
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Three Conflict Responses
3.
Peacemaking Responses
-focus
on God
-goal is to restore relationships & people
-personally & privately between people
-overlook, confront graciously
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© Peacemaker Ministries. Used with permission. For additional information about biblical peacemaking, visit www.Peacemaker.net
Peacemakers: Who Are They?
“Peacemakers” are people who breathe grace:
Matt. 5:9
James 3:13-18 (context of James 4)
“Biblical peacemaking” turns conflicts (frustration) into
opportunities:
(1)To glorify God:
Matt. 5:14-16; 1 Cor. 10:31; 1 Pet. 2:11-12
a)trust God
b)obey God
c)imitate God
d)show God
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Peace Makers: Who Are They?
(2)Serve
others:
Luke 6:27-38; 1 Cor. 10:31-11:1; Gal. 6:1-2
a)encouragement
b)carry their burdens
c)expose sin at the root
(3)Grow in Christlikeness:
Rom. 8:28-29; James 1:2-4
a)repentance & change
b)patience & perseverance
c)depend upon God
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ABC’s of Spiritual Growth
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The Four G’s of
Biblical Peacemaking
1. “Glorify God” (1 Cor. 10:31)
Eph. 5:1-2
Phil. 4:2-9
Col. 3:1-4
Rom. 12:17-21
Ps. 37:1-9
a)Focusing on God is the key to resolving conflict
constructively
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The Four G’s of Biblical
Peacemaking
b) “Stewardship Principle”: a steward doesn’t manage
things for himself, but rather for his Master (1 Cor. 4:1-2)
-motivation (focus on God, not self)
-strength (God’s power, not my own)
-dependence (trust God, not self)
-response (God’s way, not my way)
c)Satan is the enemy of peace and the promoter of
conflict
Chief Justice Warren Burger: “The courts have been expected to fill the
void created by the decline of the church, family, and neighborhood.”
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© Peacemaker Ministries. Used with permission. For additional information about biblical peacemaking, visit www.Peacemaker.net
The Four G’s of
2. “Get the Log out of Your Own Eye” (Matt. 7:1-5)
Matt. 7:1-5 1 John 1:8-9
Prov. 28:13
Col. 3:5-14 Luke 19:8
James 4:1-4
b) Take responsibility for my contribution to the problem
(1) define the issue (Gen. 3)
(2) check your attitude (Phil. 4:2-9)
(3) overlook minor offenses (1 Pet. 4:8)
(4) count the cost (Matt. 5:23-26)
(5) my responsibility, not my rights
c) Repentance and Confession
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The Four G’s of
2. “Get the Log out of Your Own Eye” (Matt. 7:1-5)
a)Questions to ask:
-Is this worth fighting over?
-In what ways did I sin in this matter?
-What “rights” am I worshipping?
-How have I attempted to avoid my responsibility?
b) “The Golden Rule” (Matt. 7:12)
c) “The Golden Result”
Justice Antonia Scalia: “We are too quick to seek vindication or
vengeance through adversarial proceedings rather
than peace through mediation. Christians, as they
should be slow to anger, should be slow to sue.”
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The Four G’s of
3. “Gently Restore” (Matt. 18:15-17):
“go and show your brother his fault”
Gal. 6:1-2
James 5:9
Eph. 4:29
2 Tim. 2:24-26
1 Cor. 6:1-8
a)Conflict creates opportunities to serve others:
-people are weighed down with problems
-people need encouragement and help carrying their burdens
-people need help to see their wrongs and in their need for change
b) Motivation in confrontation is “shepherd love”
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The Four G’s of
3. “Gently Restore” (Gal. 6:1-2)
d)Principles in Restoration
-after the log is out of your own eye
-face to face
-private and personal
-go discerningly
-go repeatedly (if needed)
e) When do I go?
-if someone has something against you (Matt. 5:23-24)
-if the sin is too serious to overlook (Luke 17:3)
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The Four G’s of
3. “Gently Restore” (Gal. 6:1-2)
f)How should I go?
-be quick to listen (James 1:19)
-bring hope through the gospel (John 4:7-42)
-speak the truth in love (Prov. 15:1-4; Eph. 4:15-16)
-the tongue of the wise brings healing (Prov. 12:18)
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Matthew 18 Blueprint for Conflict
Resolution
1. Context of Matthew 18
a) humility (18:1-5)
b) selflessness (18:6-10)
c) Shepherd love (18:11-14): parable of lost sheep
d) Confrontation and restoration (18:15-17): sin
e) Authority and accountability (18:18-20): the church
f) Forgiveness (18:21-35): parable of unmerciful servant
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Matthew 18 Blueprint for
Conflict Resolution
2. Principles of Matthew 18
a) prolonged, unresolved conflict involves sin (Matt. 5:21-24)
b) keep the circle of people involved in conflict as small as possible for
as long as possible (18:15-17)
c) “face to face” is the best way in most cases
d) if you are not able to resolve conflict in private, ask a few godly
people to assist in reconciliation
e) the church’s priority is to mend broken relationships (Gal. 6:1-2) and
broken worship (Matt. 5:23-24)
f) God views accountability and discipline as an act of love and a
means to restoring his lost sheep (18:15-17)
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Resolution
3. Five Steps in Reconciliation and Restoration
(1)overlook minor offenses (Prov. 19:11; 1 Peter 3:8-12;
Luke 17:3-4)
four questions to ask
(2)talk in private (1 Peter 3:8-12)
(3)take one or two with you
(4)tell it to the church
(5)treat him as a non-believer (don’t pretend everything is alright)
a)it protects the Lord’s name from dishonor
b)it protects other believers from being led astray
c)it helps the rebellious person to see their sin and repent
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Resolution
4. Goal: Restoration and Reconciliation
Dietrich Bonhoeffer: “Nothing is so cruel as the tenderness
that consigns another to sin.”
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The Four G’s of
4. “Go and Be Reconciled” (Matt. 5:24)
Matt. 6:12
Phil. 2:3-4
John 13:34-35
Matt. 18:21-35
Rom. 12:18
1 Pet. 2:19, 4:19
a)What is not forgiveness?
b)What is forgiveness?
-conscious choice (decision)
-an act of the will
-release of a debt owed
-costly
Matt. 7:12
“Unforgiveness is the
poison we drink
hoping others will die
from it.”
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The Four G’s of
4. “Go and Be Reconciled” (Matt. 5:24)
c)How should you forgive?
-Eph. 4:32
-Two stages of forgiveness
d)What does forgiveness look like?
-Four promises
e)Can you ever mention the sin again?
-Principle
-Reason
f)What about the consequences of sin?
-Principle (Key)
-Reason
g)Is restitution incompatible with forgiveness? Is it required?
h)Summary principle for forgiveness and reconciliation:
-“Replacement Principle”
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“PAUSE” Acronym
(Five Principles in Resolving Conflict)
(before you go)
(relationships)
(interests)
(for creative solutions)
(objectively all options)
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Spiritual Weapons in the War of
Conflict
• Military Principle: “the best defense is an effective offense.”
• What are we fighting for? (2 Tim. 4:7-8)
• What are we fighting against?
-2 Cor. 10:3-5
-Eph. 6:10-18
• With what weapons do we fight with?
• How do we fight in conflict? (Romans 12:14-21)
1)Control your tongue (12:14)
2)Seek godly counsel (12:15-16)
3)Keep doing what is right (12:17)
4)Recognize your limits (12:18-19)
5)Love: the ultimate weapon (12:20-21)
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Picturing the Heart of Conflict
“What Causes Quarrels and Conflicts?” James 4:1
Offensive
Weapons
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Biblical Conflict Resolution
• Summary
• Questions
• Resources
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• Summarize this session
• Continue working through booklet “Biblical
Directives for God-honoring Relationships
• The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide for Resolving
Personal Conflict by Ken Sande
• War of Words by Paul Tripp
• Communication and Conflict Resolution (excerpt from
Exemplary Husband) by Stuart Scott
• Conference Table, Kent Kloter
• Biblical Sexuality, Ben Davidson
• Guilt & Repentance in Personal Relationships Part 1,
Kent Kloter
Biblical Counseling Workshops
February 13, 2012
Presented by Neil Gerber
ngerber@hbcpas.com

Track V.6 Conflict Resolution

Transcription

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