“Hidey-Ho, Neighbor” -- I`ll like to peek over the fence into your

1
“Hidey-Ho, Neighbor”
-- I’ll like to peek over the fence into your family life for the next
month or so.
-- Not to lecture you or scold you, but to equip you.
TR: The other pastors of TF and I want to help fill up your tool
belt . . .
2
. . .of parenting.
-- Not in some simplistic manner that suggests parenting is a
paint-by-numbers kit. OR that it is kids’ play.
TR: BUT also not in an overly complex way . . .
3
. . .that makes it seem like great parenting is for only the fine
craft-persons among us.
TR: No, we want to put into your toolbox five sets of tools that
are foundational to becoming . . .
4
. . .intentional, godly parents.
-- Especially in light of:
-- the fact most of us got more preparation for giving birth
than for raising kids (not prepared)
-- millennials being the lowest in faith and prayer,
perhaps in the history of the US (US News & World Report) (not
effective)
TR: This month there is one critical TAKE-AWAY that we hope all
of us as parents (or those in a parental-like role) will do . . .
5
. . .and that is to develop a Toolbox List for each of those in
sphere of influence.
-- I’ve drafted a starter list for you but I’m sure it will be edited,
putting in your good ideas.
-- But they will also be adaptable to our different families and
situations.
TR: There’s also a bonus resource for you . . .
6
. . .available at the INFO DESK or online . . .the WORKBOOK
-- For those wanting to dedicate their children to the Lord, even
as Patrick and Jenny did for Emmet early in the first service, this
is a new requirement to work through and then set an
appointment through the office to meet with an elder or pastor.
TR: With that introduction to our series of study, let’s try to take
hold of the first set of tools . . .
7
. . .the Rod and Staff of a Shepherd-Teacher (hold up the staff
and rod props)
TR: While we will be moving through a good number of texts,
we’d still like to handout Bibles . . .
8
. . .so if you slip up your hand the ushers will bring you one.
-- As we pass those out, I think about a book I read some 30
years ago called “Parents in Pain” and the premise was that God
understands what it is like to have His children be rebellious and
difficult. He is the model for all parenting.
TR: And so we begin by reflecting back on one of the favorite
passages of all time, Psalm 23, to show us that God is the model
for the Shepherd-Teacher with the rod and staff . . .
9
The first four verses of it read this way . . . READ SLIDE
-- The rod and staff, used to protect and guide the sheep, is of
great comfort to David (especially as he walks through the
valleys where the shadows hide dangers, evils and even death.
TR: The imagery of shepherding is common but powerfully used
throughout the Bible . . .
10
. . .even Jesus called Himself the Good Shepherd.
TR: In order for us to reflect our Savior, as Shepherd-teachers, we
must begin with . . .
11
. . .having the right attitude.
TR: In the Old Testament, the references to the “Shepherds” was
not limited to pastors but to the leaders of the nation, like in
Ezekiel 34 . . .
12
READ SLIDE
TR: A good shepherd remembers that . . .
13
. . . It is all about the sheep!
-- Not parenting to fill the hole in our hearts
-- Not parenting in order to be loved or even liked or respected
-- Do we make it about the sheep and their welfare? In families?
In small groups? In church? At work? In mentoring relationships?
TR: Our attitude check has to go deeper still. Moving to the
Good Shepherd chapter in John’s gospel, we read about Jesus . .
.
14
READ SLIDE
TR: Jesus’ model challenges us to ask another question of
ourselves . . .
15
READ SLIDE
-- Every child is different . . .and we need to really get to know
them if we are to be effective at leading them.
-- This is especially true as they get into the teen years, when
they are the most difficult to really know. When the answer is
usually, “Fine.”
TR: Many a parent of a teen appreciates the reality behind the
Zits comic strip . . .
16
. . .and I know it is hard, but we need to keep trying to know the
sheep.
TR: This same chapter in John’s Gospel challenges us with a third
attitude check . . .
17
Remember, this is Jesus speaking . . . READ SLIDE
TR: A deeply reflective question bleats from the heart of the
sheep . . .
18
. . .”Will you lay down your life for me?”
TR: We love THE Good Shepherd because He was willing to lay
down His life for us . . .
19
. . .and He calls us to follow in His steps.
-- But like dying for Jesus, many may say they would, but when
He asks us to “die daily” then it becomes so hard because it is a
choice we have to make again and again and again.
TR: The final attitude check comes from the most important
passage in the Old Testament that lays the foundation for all of
Christian Education, Deuteronomy 6.
20
READ SLIDE
TR: The right attitude for a shepherd-teacher who reflects THE
Good Shepherd is . . .
21
. . .one that willing accepts that they are “on” 24/7/365.
-- “On PURPOSE” to help their children or proteges be taught the
things of the Lord.
TR: The Intentional, Godly Parent not only makes sure that there
is a daily time in the Word and prayer with their children . . .
22
. . .but that the child’s life is saturated with a biblical world view,
that is not only spoken about BUT ALSO lived out.
TR: So we start with the right attitude.
23
But we need more than just the right attitude that realizes how
important it is to teach and discipline our children.
-- Owning the tool is not enough . . .you need to know how to
use it.
TR: Two key New Testament passages summarize this set of tools
and warn against misusing it.
24
READ SLIDE
-- I didn’t put up the pictures of the hand mostly cut in half (table
saw injuries) . . .too gross for those with weak stomachs . . .but
the injury is not to the parent but to the child when we
PROVOKE them . . .exasperating them because we keep making it
impossible to please us.
TR: How do we wield the Rod and Staff well?
25
We do so by being intentional and consistent.
-- Inconsistency is one of the things that provokes our children.
-- Do they have to “read us” before they know how to respond?
“Talk with Dad ONLY WHEN . . .”
-- Consistently reflects the Deut. 6 passage . . .we teach the same
thing all the time.
TR: But we also need to teach intentionally. That leads us to a
decision today . . .
26
. . .a checkbox choice, if you will. Will we covenant with the Lord
to make a toolbox list for each child?
-- Each week this template will be in the worship flier . . .this is of
first importance.
-- Our plan to make each June the month to review our toolbox
lists – I’ve already added it to my Wunderlist next year (repeated
annually).
-- Cf. A related study some 10 years ago lead to my putting
theology into Matthew’s toolbox.
TR: The wise words of Proverbs also help us check our dexterity
in using the rod and staff.
26
27
READ SLIDE
TR: Why did God repeat these ideas?
28
. . .because the most difficult thing about discipline is to do it
CONSISTENTLY.
-- goal is to discipline them in such a manner that they then will
discipline themselves (self-discipline)
-- Self discipline is choosing what you want MOST over what you
want NOW . . .but need quicker connection to consequences
when younger.
-- Cf. consistency needed to train a dog . . .they don’t get when
we say “COME” and then spank them for something.
TR: Two additional checkbox choices relate to this.
29
The first is whether we will follow God’s example of giving the
LAW before He gave us GRACE.
-- I know there was grace in the Law, but Galatians and Romans
teaches us that it is the Law that makes us see our need for
grace.
-- REVIEW: Law-Grace in the Gospel
-- Cf. The teacher who is firm at the beginning . . .Ann Chitwood
said she was told, “Don’t smile until Christmas.”
-- The years from birth to 5 can be so wonderful and so hard . .
.hard to be consistent. We know we don’t remember anything
about those years. But they are the WET CEMENT years when
we can still more easiliy make some adjustments to the basic
form.
29
TR: A third checkbox choice is whether we will . . .
30
. . . READ SLIDE
-- Sometimes we imagine that consistency means that all
offenses are equal.
-- All sin is equally sin. All sin is punishable. BUT not all sin is
equal.
-- EX: There is a difference between an unintentional sin and the
sin of the high hand.
TR: As we seek to be intentional and consistent, our dexterity
must always remain . . .
31
Redemptive.
-- READ SLIDE
-- cf. church discipline is always to be redemptive (to bring them
back)
-- We must restrain our kids from evil, which Eli the priest did not
do with his boys in Samuel’s day.
-- BUT we must temper our intentionality and consistency with a
goal of correcting and restoring.
TR: So, our third dexterity question is . . .
32
READ SLIDE
-- How hard it is to discipline and many of us avoid it . . .until it
finally pushes us to our limits and we blow up.
-- We can blame our blow ups on our kids or others BUT the
truth is that we “let the sun go down on our anger” . . .we didn’t
deal with it promptly.
-- We can’t let conflict get infected . . .and actions that call for
discipline are conflict moments. Discipline loses its redemptive
edge when we discipline out of anger.
TR: One last checkbox choice related to this question for us to
consider . . .
32
33
READ SLIDE
-- As we try to parent with intentionality and reflecting our God,
we find ourselves riding a pendulum.
-- Part of disciplining redemptively is to figure out how to teach
our kids how to talk WITH us but not BACK TO US.
-- Not showing contempt - -- cf. rolling of the eyes
TR: If we only “win” conflicts when we are “bigger” and have
more power plays in our arsenal . . .
34
. . .we will only “win” the situations and not the child’s heart.
-- One of the principles in my life values was, “Be able to give a
good reason for every discipline” . . .cf. NOT “just because I said
so.”
-- BUT I also had to learn that my “good reason” may not seem
so good to them (at least for now).
-- Plan a talk now, NOT in the middle of a melt-down.
TR: And so will you take my neighborly advice . . .
35
. . .from over the back fence?
TR: Especially those of you whose experience with family tools is
like that of the lead actor in the old Home Improvement show?
36
You feel like you’ve been burned and you should leave it to the
professionals?!
TR: But parents, that’s not really the choice, is it.
37
Be the parent!
-- Don’t give up . . .ask God to help you change your attitude and
become a good shepherd who reflects THE Good Shepherd
TR: And then ask the Lord to help you in being . . .
38
READ SLIDE
(Prayer to the Good Shepherd . . .who has made it all about His
sheep, Who calls us by name, Who has laid His life down for us,
and Who is with us 24/7/365 through His Holy Spirit Who
indwells us . . .)