FLYING BLIND After thirty minutes, the passengers were getting

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FLYING BLIND
After thirty minutes, the passengers were getting
restless as the plane sat on the tarmac. Then the
stewardess announced over the intercom that departure is delayed because they were waiting for
the pilots. The passengers look out the window
and see two men, dressed as pilots, walking towards the plane. Both men are using guide dogs and appear to be blind.
Some of the passengers are alarmed, but most believe it is
just a joke. The men board the plane and go
into the cockpit. More concerned
murmurs and uneasy chuckles
from the passengers. The plane
taxis normally to the runway and
begins it's takeoff.
As passengers look out the window
they realize they are nearing the end of
the runway. The entire passenger cabin begins screaming
but the plane lifts off just before the end of the runway.
The passengers calm down and chuckle to themselves, at
this point believing that they fell for
a joke.
In the cockpit, the pilot turns to
his copilot and says "you know,
one day those people are gonna scream
too late and we're all gonna die!"
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GOD ENTERS BY A PRIVATE DOOR INTO EVERY INDIVIDUAL
TO ERR IS HUMAN, TO FORGIVE IS NOT COMPANY POLICY
Kathleen was lying on her bed when I first met her. With
whispers she asked for help. She had been diagnosed with
Amyothrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) commonly called “Lou
Gerhig’s Disease,” a neurodegenerative disease that affects
the nerve cells of the brain and spinal cord. As the neurons die
off, the brain commands to the muscles is lost. Kathleen’s
body had been robbed by this disease over the years and now
was limited to blinking, whispering and kind of smiling. Total
care from her husband was completely necessary during the
past 5 years. “Scratch my nose, move my hand,” are common
commands for her daily vegetative state. Yet she smiled and
had a sense of humor.
I learned that Kathleen’s mother was also terminally ill and
the joke was “who ever goes first comes to get the other one.”
A few weeks after meeting Kathleen I received a phone call
from Keith, He reported to me that Kathleen had passed away
during the night. As I started expressing condolences he
stopped me and said “Terry, you need to hear this. You know
that Kathleen and her mother had a pact, if you will that whoever goes first comes to get the other one.” Yes, Keith I recall
that.
“Well just before she passed she asked for me to turn her
head. As I turned it towards the wall Kathleen started to
laugh. I asked “what you are laughing about.” She replied
“mom’s here!” She laughed a few more times and then
stopped breathing.” I attempted to express my tingling emotion to Keith when he again interrupted me and said “Terry,
Kathleen’s mother passed away just a few hours ago, I just
found out.” The chills ran up and down my back as the hair
lifted on my neck and confirmed to me that the other side is
on occasion able to assist those of us still on this side.
If we can be of assistance to someone you know
please contact Terry at Homestead Hospice 480-5843734 for a free no obligation evaluation.
EACH PROBLEM SOLVED BECOMES A RULE WHICH SERVES AFTERWARDS TO SOLVE OTHER PROBLEMS
WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE
A tourist was being led through the
swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he
asked, "that an alligator won't attack
you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on
how fast you carry the flashlight."
OOOOH, BURN
A couple drove down a country road
for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the
husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
SAW THIS COMING
A wife comes in and yells: “Honey! Pack
your clothes! I just won the lottery!”
Her husband yells back: “But should I pack
for the beach or for the mountains?”
The wife replies: “I don’t care! Just get
out!”
NOT EVERYTHING THAT CAN BE COUNTED COUNTS, AND NOT EVERYTHING THAT COUNTS CAN BE COUNTED
THREE O’CLOCK IS ALWAYS TOO EARLY OR TOO LATE
BEHIND EVER GREAT FORTUNE THERE IS A CRIME
HAPPINESS - THE FULL USE OF YOUR POWERS ALONG LINES OF EXCELLENCE - JFK
I'M ALL IN FAVOR OF KEEPING DANGEROUS WEAPONS OUT OF THE HANDS OF FOOLS. LET'S START WITH TYPEWRITERS
POUND FOR POUND, HAMBURGERS COST MORE THAN NEW CARS
¥ It was Albert Einstein who made the following sage observation: "There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other
is as though everything is a miracle."
PATIENCE BEATS POWER NEARLY EVERY TIME
¥ Many people believe that one should never
remove one's wedding ring. However, one superstition holds that doing so is perfectly acceptable -- as long as the ring is being used to
ward off a witch.
¥ There's nothing surprising about the fact that upon the death
of British novelist, poet and essayist D.H. Lawrence, the author's body was cremated. What is unusual is that, at Lawrence's request, his ashes were mixed into the plaster used to
build the D.H. Lawrence Ranch in Questa, N.M.
“I WOULD’VE MADE A GOOD POPE” - RICHARD NIXON
¥ As Halloween approaches, if you live in
New Jersey, Pennsylvania or Iowa, you might
want to keep in mind your state's tax policy.
If you're buying a pumpkin to carve into a
jack-o'-lantern, you'll need to pay tax on the
gourd. Pumpkins used for food purposes, however, are subject to no such
tax.
¥ In 2009, a Saudi couple who
had spent their honeymoon in Malaysia encountered difficulty on the return flight home. It
seems that the groom felt the bride was taking
too long in the airport restroom, so he boarded
the flight back to Saudi Arabia before she did.
When he allowed the plane to leave without
her, she insisted on an immediate divorce.
¥ The next time you've enjoyed a happy hour out with friends,
you might want to consider the virtually unknown adjective
"gambrinous," which means "to be content and happy due to a
stomach full of beer."
Thought for the Day: "
My advice to you is to get married. If
you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a
philosopher."-- Socrates
(c) 2013 King Features Synd., Inc.
PROBLEMS WORTHY OF ATTACK PROVE THEIR WORTH BY FIGHTING BACK
IF I WAS TWO-FACED WOULD I BE WEARING THIS ONE? - A. LINCOLN
THE HUNGER FOR LOVE IS MUCH MORE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE THAN THE HUNGER FOR BREAD - MOTHER TERESA
¥ On Oct. 17, 1906, Wilhelm Voigt, a German
shoemaker, impersonates an army officer and
leads an entire squad of soldiers to help him
steal 4,000 marks. Voigt humiliated the German army by exploiting their blind obedience
to authority and getting them to assist in his
audacious robbery.
¥ On Oct. 15, 1917, Mata Hari is executed for espionage by a
French firing squad. Her military trial was riddled with bias
and circumstantial evidence, and it is probable that French
authorities trumped her up as "the greatest woman spy of the
century" as a distraction for the huge
losses the French army was suffering.
¥ On Oct. 14, 1947, U.S. Air Force
Capt. Chuck Yeager becomes the first
person to fly faster than the speed of
sound. Yeager's X-1 rocket plane
was lifted to an altitude of 25,000
feet by a B-29 aircraft and then released
through the bomb bay.
I WAS PLANNING TO WAKE UP EARLY AND GO JOGGING, BUT MY TOES VOTED AGAINST ME 10 TO 1
THE BEST WAY TO CHEER YOURSELF UP IS TO TRY TO CHEER SOMEBODY ELSE UP
¥ On Oct. 16, 1958, Chevrolet begins to sell the El Camino, a
combination sedan-pickup truck. In 1964, the company introduced a version built on the brawnier Chevelle platform. Today, the car is a cult classic.
¥ On Oct. 20, 1962, the White House press
corps is told that President John F. Kennedy
has a cold; in reality, he is holding secret
meetings with advisers on the eve of ordering a blockade of Cuba. Kennedy
had seen photographic proof that the
Soviets were building ballistic missile
sites on the island of Cuba.
¥ On Oct. 18, 1974, soul singer Al Green is attacked in his
own bathtub when an ex-girlfriend pours a pot of scalding-hot
grits on his back. Her actions left Green with severe injuries
but also shaken emotionally and spiritually. By 1976, Green
had become an ordained Baptist minister and purchased a
Memphis church, where he still preaches today.
¥ On Oct. 19, 1982, maverick automobile executive John DeLorean is arrested in a Los Angeles
motel with a briefcase containing $24 million
worth of cocaine. According to authorities,
DeLorean was attempting to make a drug
deal in order to rescue his financially ailing
DeLorean Motor Company.
(c) 2013 King Features Synd., Inc.
NATURE... CHEAPER THAN THERAPY
THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD SO HUNGRY, THAT GOD CANNOT APPEAR TO THEM EXCEPT IN THE FORM OF BREAD
EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL IF YOU SQUINT A BIT
I'M LIVING SO FAR BEYOND MY INCOME THAT WE MAY ALMOST BE SAID TO BE LIVING APART
IF YOU CAN'T GET RID OF THE SKELETON IN YOUR CLOSET, YOU'D BEST TEACH IT TO DANCE
AGE CAN BE A BAD TRAVELING COMPANION
RICHES SERVE A WISE MAN BUT COMMAND A FOOL
DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK
THE HEALTHIEST PART OF A DOUGHNUT IS THE HOLE. OF COURSE YOU MUST EAT THROUGH THE DOUGHNUT TO GET AT IT
(c) 2013 King Features Synd., Inc.
7. "The Simpsons"
8. Lou Ferrigno
9. Nine days
10. Mickey Rooney, who was
married eight times
I ONLY HAVE A KITCHEN BECAUSE IT CAME WITH THE HOUSE
Answers
1. 1970
2. Portugal
3. George Bernard Shaw
4. Vitamin B-1
5. Roger Williams
6. Stringed
OFTEN A PERSON’S BIGGEST ENEMY IS THEIR INNER SELF
1. ADVERTISING: When did the United States ban cigarette
ads on television?
2. GEOGRAPHY: What nation controls the Madeira Islands?
3. THEATER: Who wrote the play "Man and Superman"?
4. MEDICAL: The lack of what vitamin causes beriberi?
5. HISTORY: Who founded the colony of Rhode Island?
6. MUSIC: What kind of musical instrument is a zither?
7. TELEVISION: What is the longest running animated series
on TV in the United States?
8. MOVIES: Who played a bit part in the 2008 movie "The Incredible Hulk" and also played the Hulk in the earlier TV series?
9. ROYALS: How long did Lady Jane Grey reign as queen of
England?
10. FAMOUS QUOTATIONS: What famous actor once said,
"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it
doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day"?
SLEEP IS AN EXCELLENT WAY OF LISTENING TO AN OPERA