PF-JulAug2015-PubPage

Publisher'sPAGE
Declaring Your Own
Star-Spangled Banner Independence
What to do when the flags that are waving are the ones in your relationship
A
By Jami Appenzeller, Publisher, PhillyFIT
s it turns out, our country really is “the land of the free and the
home of the brave.” Today’s women (and men for that matter)
want to be free of drama but they can only seem to achieve this if
they are in fact truly brave.
This has never been more obvious to me. After speaking with
three friends of mine recently, I’ve come to the conclusion that the
older we get — even though our wisdom allegedly increases due to
life experience — we’re still lousy at picking mates. Why is this?
Well, the proverbial soul mate search and conquest are different for
everyone. The thing is, what once created exciting fireworks and
sent rockets red-glaring (er, sorry) in the past, might not be the same
set of criteria that does it for us at mid-age. Good looks, brawn, and
charisma may now take a backseat to funny, kind, and financially
sound, or at least stable. You’ve changed and so has your dating pool.
So how do you stay afloat in that pool when that water gets choppy,
cold or even starts to drain? Well, your disdain for the cat-and-mouse
game might just be a key indicator that it’s time to declare your own
independence. Is finding (and keeping) love all just a perilous fight?
we just wake up and find
C an’t
the partner of our dreams
“
by the dawn’s early light?”
My three friends have all agreed to spill onto these pages. We
did, however, change their names and found cute avatars instead
of headshots. I also ran these scenarios by, Catlin Langan, a local
marriage and family therapist whom I trust and admire for a professional slant on these loveable characters, yet train wrecks, when
it comes to matters of love.
Meet “Elissa”
Relationship Flaw:
Collects Men/Serial Dater
Question: How can I move on and cut
emotional ties with past men in my life and
come to terms with the notion of an “ex”
sometimes is an “ex” for good reason?
Jami’s Rx: Life moves on and so must you.
The man you obsessed over (and who may
have loved you) twenty-five years ago likely
has additional baggage (ex-wife, kids, debt,
etc.) that may make life less desirable than
when you were both “Livin’ on a Prayer.”
Focus on the qualities of each man that you
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Jami
Appenzeller
once loved and write them down. Then try to
find a suitor who represents the best qualities
of them all — a hybrid of looks, success and
kindness. Don’t settle, that way you won’t
feel like you’re missing anything and you
won’t go back to the well so to speak.
Langan’s Advice: “Elissa, I would be sure
you’re giving enough credit to what caused
these relationships to go wrong, as opposed
to romanticizing “the good times.” Be sure
you are placing importance in your selfworth, that is, making sure you are finding
yourself in relationships that make you
feel secure, confident, and like you’re too
important to let go!”
Meet “Kim”
Relationship Flaw:
Falls in love too fast.
Falls out of love just as fast.
Question: How can I fall in love
with the man instead of falling
in love with falling in love?
Jami’s Rx: It’s really easy to
suppress the bad things about
a relationship, as love can be
blind. When it comes right
down to it you need to ask
yourself, “Am I too trusting?”
Kim, take it slowly; stay in
control of your relationships and your emotions. Find a man who
can juggle your delicate balance of needs and wants. Oh, and find
another hobby — not archery lady Cupid! Focus on overcoming
trust issues and take pride in new activities in your life. Endorphins
don’t always need to be releasing every day. Find simple pleasures
and take comfort in them.
Langan’s Advice: “Kim, think about your motivation for being in
a relationship, and make sure you are ruling with your head AND
your heart. Develop a list of the things that are important to you in
a mate. Make sure as you feel increased connection to somebody,
you are giving importance to that list. Create a narrative of the kind
of man you want and what loving that man would feel like. Stick to
that story, and that way you truly can love a person for who he is,
as opposed to the “idea” of being in love!
Meet “Cherrise”
7
Foolproof Strategies
for Staying True to
Yourself in the Throes
of a New Relationship
By Lauren Napolitano, Psy.D.
1. Stick with your routine.
If you always go for a run with your friends on Saturday
morning, don’t bail on your plans.
2. Seek out feedback & advice from your friends
You don’t necessarily need to implement their advice, but
often times our friends see our new relationships more clearly
than we do.
3. Bring this new person out to meet others
in your life.
See how well he/she mixes with your friends and family.
This will teach you a lot about his/her personality.
4. See any red flags?
Don’t rationalize them — discuss them with your partner. Is
there something that this person says or does that concerns
you? Bring it up to see if the issue will improve.
5. Make a list of your top three previous
relationship mistakes.
Relationship Flaw:
It’s her world. Her men
are just living in it.
Question: How can I merge my
lifestyle with that of another
person and still be me? I’m not
willing to give up obsessive
shoe shopping or nights out
with the gals just because a
man wants me as his accessory!
Jami’s Rx: You’re an independent woman and you shouldn’t
be punished for it. Many women who are looking for ‘Mr. Right
number two’ feel conflicted. Often women who marry early in life
and then end that relationship two decades later feel a welcomed
independence for the first time in a long time. But they also feel
an omnipresent loneliness. Once you’ve gotten a taste of not being
accountable to anyone for anything, it’s hard to go back. It’s confusing and somewhat beguiling when a man calls you five days in
advance for date. It’s hard to be honest and respond, “You know, I
just sort of want to soak in a tub for a few hours, watch a Lifetime
movie and eat my homemade, low-fat chicken wings at home.” It’s
tough to find that meet-in-the-middle place that allows you “me
time” as well as “he time.”
This might include rushing into a relationship, pushing someone away or staying too guarded, and honestly assess whether
you’re engaging in some of your own dysfunctional behavior.
6. Don’t bail on plans with your friends
in order to be with this person.
You had a social life before you met this person and it’s
important that you invest energy into maintaining this part of
your personal life.
7. Take it slow!
Slow and steady wins the race when it comes to matters of
the heart and the head.
~~~
Dr. Napolitano is a licensed psychologist on staff
at Bryn Mawr Hospital and in private practice in
Bryn Mawr, PA. She writes frequently about
happiness, health, and fitness.
To learn more about her practice, go to
www.laurennapolitanopsyd.com.
Check out the local fitness scene @ PHILLYFIT.com
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PHILLYFIT | 7
Langan’s Advice: “Cherrise, the right person, I always feel will truly
let you be you! It seems to me that having independence in your
relationship is important. Compromising your time in a relationship
is easier when your partner understands that you have your own life,
too. In fact, some of the healthiest relationships I see involve two
people who support each other’s individual pursuits, while finding
those special things that make their relationship unique too. You
should never feel like you lose who you are in your relationship!”
~~~
Catlin Langan is a local practicing licensed
marriage and family therapist who’s been working
with families, couples, and individuals for over six
years. She has contributed to PhillyFIT Magazine
in the past in her other role as personal trainer
and wellness coach. You can contact her at
mindbodylmft@gmail.com.
program in Center City called Indego, sponsored by Independence
Blue Cross. You can ride all over Philadelphia (looking for your soul
mate) for only four dollars! Wow. With over six hundred self-service
bikes and sixty stations, Indego offers round-the-clock access to public transportation on your schedule.
Become a member, or purchase a pass at any station with your
credit card. Get a bike at any Indego station - no reservations — just
walk up and hop on. The bike is a smooth and durable three-speed,
built for comfort and safety, with an easily adjustable seat and front
and rear lights. When you reach your destination, just dock your bike
at the nearest station to complete your trip, and go on with your day.
Log on to http://www.rideindego.com/ for more details.
Love and fireworks for all,
◘◘◘
I love the summer. There’s just something magical about the
way the air smells (backyard coals burning, honeysuckle bushes,
tropical suntan lotion and hammocks) — it all just makes me giddy.
Summer is the best time to get out there and enjoy a plethora of
outdoor activities. One of my new favorites is the new bike-sharing
PHILLYFIT,s
Social Media Editor!
Say "Hi" to
Lindsay V. , 28, is a "Proud
Military Wife" from Chalfont,
PA, and currently resides in
Honolulu, Hawaii with her
"amazing husband of 5 years,
2-year-old son, and baby girl on
the way!"
"I'm very lucky to live in
paradise," says Lindsay, "where
staying fit and healthy comes
pretty easy! Hiking 1,048 railroad ties to the top of Koko Head
Crater, swimming, and SUP are
just a few of the activities I enjoy! I've participated in Crossfit
and Stroller Strides and fell in
love with both!"
Lindsay says being a
military family means frequently
moving, meeting new people,
and exploring new places.
"I wouldn't change it for the
world, but our hearts belong in
Philadelphia! Go Eagles! "
PHILLYFIT Family
Published by: Jalynn Concepts, LLC
Publisher: Jami Appenzeller
Copy Editors: Heather Hoehn, John Beeler, R.I.P. Bev Appenzeller
Publisher’s Page: Photo of Jami by Joe Chielli, Church Street
Studios, Philadelphia, PA.; Hair by Amy Cummins of Fresh Hair
Studio, Southampton, PA.; Makeup by Lisa Nocera
Calendar Of Events: John Beeler
Art Department: John Paone
Social Media: Lindsay V.
Ad Sales: Jami Appenzeller, Rita Henry
Distribution Manager: R.I.P. Jim Appenzeller
All inquires are welcome. Call us NOW! (267) 767-4205
www.phillyfitmagazine.com Jami@phillyfitmagazine.com
Advertising Deadlines: Call PhillyFIT Magazine at (267) 767-4205
for upcoming issue deadlines.
Cover Photography: Covergirl Chelsea Durkalec, 22, of Philadelphia, PA. is a local model, personal trainer, actress, and an NPC
bikini competitor. The photo was taken by Michael Becker (www.
michaeldbecker.com).
PhillyFIT Magazine is a news magazine with emphasis on health, fitness and
leisure. PhillyFIT Magazine is printed bi-monthly and distributed throughout Philadelphia, Bucks, Chester, Delaware and Montgomery Counties. We also email
over 10,000 copies to folks who have opted in on our website to receive the
online magazine. Address all submissions of advertising, calendar entries, photos,
inquiries and letters to the above address. PhillyFIT Magazine does not assume
responsibility for unsolicited materials. PhillyFIT Magazine will assume that all
unsolicited materials are being submitted for possible publication and should the
material be published, no fee is due to the submitting party. It is our understanding that the submitting party holds models’ releases on photographs submitted.
PhillyFIT Magazine does not knowingly accept false or misleading advertising or
editorial content, nor does the Publisher assume responsibility should such advertising or editorial appear. PhillyFIT Magazine reserves the right to edit letters
to the editor and other submissions for clarity and space availability, and to determine suitability of all materials submitted for publication. Before implementing
any exercise or diet modification mentioned in PhillyFIT Magazine, readers are
advised to consult with their physicians. No reproductions of printed material are
permitted without the consent of the Publisher. All rights reserved.
PhillyFITMagazine
Jami Appenzeller
@PhillyFITMag
@phillyfitmag
@phillyfitmag
www.youtube.com/channel/UCQuvqldXsEPFRV1wodDHRnw
plus.google.com/u/0/104869413385959199641/posts
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letterstothepublisher
Hi Jami!
Many years ago (I began as a trainer
in 1995) I contacted you in early 2000 to
see if you had any employment opportunities at Phillyfit. The timing wasn’t
right for you and I always remember how
inspiring you were in your response to my
emails, reinforcing my belief of hard work
& staying positive. The impact you left
on me then was something I appreciate
even now. You were an icon in the training
industry and here you were answering
my emails personally. I commend you
for all the hard work and effort it took to
create such a strong presence. I admire
where you are in your profession & the
growth of Phillyfit shows your work ethic
& abilities.
~ ~ Tina Carroll
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Good Morning!
Just read that article. Wow. I printed out the 3 pages on this wonderful color
laser printer they gave us at the office, so
I can read it over a few times, whenever
I start to crawl back into my rabbit hole
again.
I’m glad you are finding the old
Jami again. That makes me happy to
see. You’ve always been an inspiration to
me, as well as so many others.
I’m trying some of the things you
mention.. the new music, new places to
go, new friends...knowing you’re back,
is really great. It’s inspiring. Thanks for
printing that. It helped me feel better
today.”
~ ~ Jeff G.
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Hi Jami!
Your piece in this issue (April
magazine) is AWESOME! It took me over
20+ years to realize that to be authentic,
to be myself is be-YOU-tiful! Oh I hope
you touch upon this topic more often to
let people know that it is okay to be real,
genuine and true to yourself, not because
of others but because you love yourself!
Keep up the GREAT work!
I read somewhere that God gives
his soldiers the hardest battles because
He knows we can handle it! You got this!
Keep going Jami! I’m proud of you :D
~ ~ Toni
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Jami,
OMG! I just read your pub page,
I knew you were’nt right, I just felt it!
THANK YOU FOR SHARING, I have not
been feeling right myself, trying t smile
and be happy but hiding the sadness and
pain. Glad you are back.
~ ~ Holly Fosnot
Horsham Athletic Club
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PhillyFIT Magazine,
Hey, I just got the digital copy of the
upcoming PhillyFIT Magazine and the
article on Drexel University’s workout
facility/trainers looks incredible! I’m
so stoked to open the magazine and see
the content we discussed and the way it’s
professionally done, looks sooo good. You rock! I hope that the article is a good
read for your readers. We are so proud
of our team here and the way we are establishing the facility and our trainers as
the standard in the area with our unique
approach. Thank you for believing in the
article. Let’s catch up soon and don’t be a
stranger to the facility!
~ ~ Andrew Case
Drexel U
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Jami and PhillyFIT,
Thank you for the PHILLYFIT Magazine! I am enjoying the articles, pictures
and ads! I even like the rustle sounds
when I turn the pages (I am reading the
online version, how cool)!!! Take care
and may you have a wonderful day! Love
& Light!
~ ~ Becky Rankowski ;-)
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Dear Ms. Appenzeller,
First of all, I LOVE your magazine.
I think it's such an amazing asset to our
fitness community here in Philadelphia.
I'm quite sure you hear that a lot, but I
couldn't help but tell you.
~ ~Peter Andrew Danzig
Founder, Theatrical Trainer
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