ABSOLUTE NERDE-HITS Sanghefte 1

Transcription

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ABSOLUTE NERDE-HITS
Sanghefte
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Weird Al: White & Nerdy lyrics .............................................................................................4
Ebay lyrics .............................................................................................................................7
The Saga Begins Lyrics ..........................................................................................................9
Yoda Lyrics..........................................................................................................................12
"Ode To A Superhero"..........................................................................................................14
Tribute Lyrics.......................................................................................................................16
Artist(Band):Tenacious D.....................................................................................................16
Ray Parker - Ghostbusters Lyrics..........................................................................................18
D&D (2005 Bonus Version) Lyrics ......................................................................................20
Weezer: "In The Garage"......................................................................................................23
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (from Monty Python) .............................................25
Lumberjack Song .................................................................................................................26
Galaxy Song Lyrics ..............................................................................................................28
Artist: Monty Python Album: The Meaning Of Life .............................................................28
Every Sperm Is Sacred Lyrics...............................................................................................29
Artist: Monty Python ............................................................................................................29
Monty Python - Spam Song Lyrics .......................................................................................31
Album: Monty Python Sings ................................................................................................31
Accountancy Shanty Lyrics ..................................................................................................34
Artist: Monty Python (Buy Monty Python CDs) ...................................................................34
I Like Chinese Lyrics ...........................................................................................................35
Finland Lyrics ......................................................................................................................38
ARTIST: Monty Python .......................................................................................................39
TITLE: Bruces' Philosophers Song .......................................................................................39
Decomposing Composers Lyrics ..........................................................................................40
Monty Python Christmas In Heaven lyrics............................................................................41
The Elements Lyrics.............................................................................................................42
Artist(Band):Tom Lehrer......................................................................................................42
Poisoning Pigeons In The Park Lyrics ..................................................................................43
Artist(Band):Tom Lehrer......................................................................................................43
ARTIST: Tom Lehrer...........................................................................................................44
TITLE: We Will All Go Together When We Go ..................................................................44
Tom Lehrer Oedipus Rex Lyrics...........................................................................................46
Terrance & Phillip Lyrics .....................................................................................................47
Blame Canada Lyrics - South Park .......................................................................................48
Trey Parker - America, Fuck Yeah Lyrics.............................................................................49
Nrrrd Grrrl Lyrics.................................................................................................................52
Artist(Band):MC Chris .........................................................................................................52
- The Internet Is For Porn Lyrics...........................................................................................55
Bobby "Boris" Pickett - Monster Mash Lyrics ......................................................................59
WEIRD AL YANKOVIC LYRICS - You Don't Love Me Anymore ....................................61
The Ballad Of Bilbo Baggins Lyrics .....................................................................................63
Code Monkey Lyrics ............................................................................................................64
(written by: Jonathan Coulton) .............................................................................................64
Artist: Jonathan Coulton lyrics..............................................................................................66
Title: Ikea.............................................................................................................................66
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"Jonathan Coulton Chiron Beta Prime lyrics" .......................................................................68
"Jonathan Coulton Skullcrusher Mountain lyrics".................................................................69
Jonathan Coulton - Creepy Doll lyrics ..................................................................................71
Jonathan Coulton - Re Your Brains Lyrics............................................................................73
The Irish Ballad Lyrics - Tom Lehrer ...................................................................................75
Lyrics to O.G. Original Gamer – MC Lars............................................................................77
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Weird Al: White & Nerdy lyrics
They see me mowin'
My front lawn
I know they're all thinking
I'm so White N' nerdy
Think I'm just too white n' nerdy
Can't you see I'm white n' nerdy
Look at me I'm white n' nerdy!
I wanna roll withThe gangsters
But so far they all think
I'm too white n' nerdy
I'm just too white n' nerdy
Really, really white n' nerdy
First in my class here at M.I.T.
Got skills, I'm a Champion of DND
MC Escher that's my favorite MC
Keep your 40
I'll just have an Earl Grey tea
My rims never spin to the contrary
You'll find they're quite stationary
All of my action figures are cherry
Steven Hawkings in my library
My MySpace page is all totally pimped out
I got people begging for my top 8 spaces
Yo I know Pi to a thousand places
Ain't got no grills but I still wear braces
I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise
I'm a whiz at minesweeper I can play for days
Once you see my sweet moves you're gonna stay amazed,
my fingers movin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze
There's no killer app I haven't run
At Pascal, well, I'm number 1
Do vector calculus just for fun
I ain't got a gat but I gotta soldering gun
Happy days is my favourite theme song
I can sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong
I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on
I'm fluent in Java Script as well as Klingon
They see me roll on, my Segway!
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I know in my heart they think I'm
white n' nerdy!
Can't you see I'm white n' nerdy
Look at me I'm white n' nerdy
I'd like to roll withThe gangsters
Although it's apparent I'm too
White n' nerdy
How'd I get so white n' nerdy?
I've been browsing, inspectin'
X-men comics you know I collect 'em
The pens in my pocket
I must protect 'em
my ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored
Shopping online for deals on some writable media
I edit Wikipedia
I memorized Holy Grail really well
I can recite it right now and have you ROTFLOL
I got a business doing websites
When my friends need some code who do they call?
I do HTML for them all
Even made a homepage for my dog!
Yo! Got myself a fanny pack
they were having a sale down at the GAP
Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap
POP POP! Hope no one sees me gettin' freaky!
I'm nerdy in the extreme and whiter than sour creme
I was in AV club and Glee club and even the chess team!
Only question I ever thought was hard
Was do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?
I spend every weekend
at the renaissance fair
I got my name on my under wear!
They see me strollin'
They laughin'
And rollin' their eyes 'cause
I'm so white n' nerdy
Just because I'm white n' nerdy
Just because I'm white n' nerdy
All because I'm white n' nerdy
Holy cow I'm white n' nerdy
I wanna bowl withthe gangsters
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but oh well it's obvious I'm
white n' nerdy
Look at me I'm white n' nerdy!
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Weird Al Yankovic
Ebay lyrics
Yeah
A used... pink bathrobe
A rare... mint snowglobe
A Smurf... TV tray
I bought on eBay
My house... is filled with this crap
Shows up in bubble wrap
Most every day
What I bought on eBay
Tell me why (I need another pet rock)
Tell me why (I got that Alf alarm clock)
Tell me why (I bid on Shatner's old toupee)
They had it on eBay
I'll buy... your knick-knack
Just check... my feedback
"A++!" they all say
They love me on eBay
Gonna buy (a slightly-damaged golf bag)
Gonna buy (some Beanie Babies, new with tags)
(From some guy) I've never met in Norway
Found him on eBay
I am the type who is liable to snipe you
With two seconds left to go, whoa
Got Paypal or Visa, what ever'll please ya
As long as I've got the dough
I'll buy... your chotchkes
Sell me... your watch, please
I'll buy (I'll buy, I'll buy, I'll buy...)
I'm highest bidder now
(Junk keeps arriving in the mail)
(From that worldwide garage sale) (Dukes Of Hazard ashtray)
(Hey! A Dukes Of Hazard ashtray)
Oh yeah... (I bought it on eBay)
Wanna buy (a PacMan Fever lunchbox)
Wanna buy (a case of vintage tube socks)
Wanna buy (a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre, used by Dr. Dre... hey)
(Found it on eBay)
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Wanna buy (that Farrah Fawcet poster)
(Pez dispensers and a toaster)
(Don't know why... the kind of stuff you'd throw away)
I'll buy on eBay
What I bought on eBay-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y
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The Saga Begins Lyrics
Artist(Band):Weird Al Yankovic
A long, long time ago
In a galaxy far away
Naboo was under an attack
And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn
Could talk the federation in
To maybe cutting them a little slack
But their response, it didn't thrill us
They locked the doors and tried to kill us
We escaped from that gas
Then met Jar Jar and Boss Nass
We took a bongo from the scene
And we went to Theed to see the Queen
We all wound up on Tatooine
That's where we found this boy
Oh
My my this here Anakin guy
Maybe Vader someday later
Now he's just a small fry
He left his home
And kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin'
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
Did you know this junkyard slave
Isn't even old enough to shave
But he can use the Force, they say
Ahh, do you see him hitting on the queen
Though he's just nine and she's fourteen
Yeah, he's probably gonna marry her someday
Well, I know he built C-3PO
And I've heard how fast his pod can go
And we were broke, it's true
So we made a wager or two
He was a prepubescent flyin' ace
And the minute Jabba started off that race
Well, I knew who would win first place
Oh yes, it was our boy
We started singin'
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And he left his home
Sayin'
Now we finally got to Coruscant
The Jedi Council we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be
So we took him there and we told the tale
How his midi-chlorians were off the scale
And he might fulfill that prophecy
Oh the Council was impressed of course
Could he bring balance to the Force?
They interviewed the kid
Oh, training they forbid
Because Yoda sensed in him much fear
And Qui-Gon said "Now listen here"
"Just stick it in your pointy ear"
"I still will teach this boy"
He was singin'
Sayin'
We caught a ride back to Naboo
'Cause Queen Amidala wanted to
I frankly would've liked to stay
We all fought in that epic war
And it wasn't long at all before
Little hotshot flew his plane and saved the day
And in the end some Gungans died
Some ships blew up and some pilots fried
A lot of folks were croakin'
The battle droids were broken
And the Jedi I admire most
Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast
Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost
I guess I'll train this boy
And I was singin'
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Sayin'
We were singin'
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
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Yoda Lyrics
Artist(Band):Weird Al Yankovic
I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda
S-O-D-A, soda
I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him for his name and in a raspy voice he said "Yoda"
Y-O-D-A, Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Well, I've been around, but I ain't never seen
A guy who looks like a muppet, but he's wrinkled and green
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Well, I'm not dumb, but I can't understand
How he can lift me in the air just by raising his hand
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Well, I left home just a week before
And I've never ever been a Jedi before
But Obi Wan, he set me straight, of course
He said, "Go to Yoda and he'll show you the Force"
Well I'm not the kind that would argue with Ben
So it looks like I'm gonna start all over again
With my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
So I used the Force
I picked up a box
I lifted some rocks
While I stood on my head
but, I won't forget what Yoda said
He said, "Luke, stay away from the darker side
And if you start to go astray, let the Force be your guide"
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
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"I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed
But remember, if you kill him, then you'll be unemployed"
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Well, I heard my friends really got in a mess
So I'm gonna have to leave Yoda I guess
But I know that I'll be coming back some day
I'll be playing this part 'till I'm old and gray
The long-term contract I had to sign
Says I'll be making these movies till the end of time
Oh with my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
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WEIRD AL YANKOVIC LYRICS
"Ode To A Superhero"
Peter Parker was pitiful
Couldn't have been any shyer
Mary Jane still wouldn't notice him
Even if his hair was on fire
But then one day he went to that science lab
That mutated spider came down
Oh, and now Peter crawls over everyone's walls
And he's swingin' all over town
La li la, li de da
La la, li le la da dum
Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man
Sling us a web tonight
'Cause we're all in the mood for a hero now
And there's evil doers to fight
Now Harry the rich kid's a friend of his
Who horns in on Mary Jane
But to his great surprise it seems she prefers guys
Who can kiss upside down in the rain
"With great power comes great responsibility"
That's the catch phrase of old Uncle Ben
If you missed it, don't worry, they'll say the line
Again and again and again
Oh, la la la, di de da
La la, di di da da dom
Now Norman's a billionare scientist
Who never had time for his son
But then something went screw and before you knew he
Was trying to kill everyone
And he's ridin' around on that glider thing
And he's throwin' that weird pumpkin bomb
Yes, he's wearin' that dumb Power Rangers mask
But he's scarier without it on
'Cause you're brave and you're strong and so limber now
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But where'd you come up with those tights?
It's a pretty sad day at the funeral
Norman Osborn has bitten the dust
And I heard Harry's said he wants Spider-Man dead
Aw, but his buddy Pete he can trust
Oh, and M.J. is all hot for Peter now
Aw, but Peter, he just shuts her down
Mary Jane, don't you cry, you can give it a try
Again when the sequal comes 'round
Oh, la la la, di de da
La la, di di da da dum
'Cause we all sure could use us a hero now
And we think that you'll do all right
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Tribute Lyrics
Artist(Band):Tenacious D
This is the greatest and best song in the world. . . tribute.
Long time ago me and my brother Kyle here,...
we was hitchhikin' down a long and lonesome road.
All of a sudden,
there shined a shiny demon...
in the middle...
of the road.
And he said:
"Play the best song in the world,
or I'll eat your souls (whisper:Souls)."
Well me and Kyle,... we looked at each other,
and we each said...
"Okay."
And we played the first thing that came to our heads,
Just so happened to be,
The Best Song in the World,
it was The Best Song in the World.
Look into my eyes and it's easy to see
One and one make two,
two and one make three,
It was destiny.
Once every hundred-thousand years or so,
When the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow
and the grass doth grow oooh
Needless to say,
the beast was stunned.
Whip-crack went his whippet tail,
And the beast was done.
He asked us:
"(snort) BE you angels?"
And we said,
"Nay.
We are but men
Rock!!
Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah-ah-ah-ahn,
Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh!
This is not The Greatest Song in the World, No
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This is just a tribute.
Couldn't remember The Greatest Song in the World, No.
No!
This is a tribute, oh,
To The Greatest Song in the World,
All right!
It was The Greatest Song in the World,
All right!
And it was the best mother fuckin' song,
The Greatest Song in the world!
Allllllright!
'Ti Tuga digga tu Gi Friba fligugibu Uh Fligugigbu Uh Di Ei Friba Du Gi Fligu fligugigugi
Flilibili Ah
(Bow) (Bow) (Bow) (Ooh) (Bow) (Bi)
Fligu wene mamamana Sacrebleu!
(Mene) (LUCIFER)!
(guitar solo)
And the peculiar thing is this my friends:
the song we sang on that fateful night it didn't actually sound
anything like this song!
This is just a tribute!
You gotta believe it!
And I wish you were there!
Just a matter of opinion.
Ah, fuck!
Good God, God lovin' ,
So surprised to find you can't stop me,now.
I'm on fire-O hallelujah I'm found! Rich motherfucker compadre simultaniously:oooh/(Demonic)aaaaah!
All right!
All right!
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Ray Parker - Ghostbusters Lyrics
If there's something strange
in your neighborhood
Who ya gonna call?
GHOSTBUSTERS
If there's something weird
and it don't look good
Who ya gonna call?
GHOSTBUSTERS
I ain't afraid of no ghosts
If you're seeing things
running through your head
Who can ya call?
GHOSTBUSTERS
An invisible man
sleeping in your bed
Who ya gonna call?
GHOSTBUSTERS
Who ya gonna call?
GHOSTBUSTERS
If ya all alone
pick up the phone
and call
GHOSTBUSTERS
I here it likes the girls
I ain't afraid of no ghost
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Who ya gonna call?
GHOSTBUSTERS
If you've had a dose of a
freaky ghost baby
Ya better call
GHOSTBUSTERS
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Lemme tell ya something
Bustin' makes me feel good!
Don't get caught alone no no
GHOSTBUSTERS
When it comes through your door
Unless you just want some more
I think you better call
GHOSTBUSTERS
Who ya gonna call?
GHOSTBUSTERS
Who ya gonna call?
GHOSTBUSTERS
I think you better call
GHOSTBUSTERS
Who ya gonna call?
GHOSTBUSTERS
I can't hear you
Who ya gonna call?
GHOSTBUSTERS
Louder
GHOSTBUSTERS
Who ya gonna call?
GHOSTBUSTERS
Who can ya call?
GHOSTBUSTERS
Who ya gonna call?
GHOSTBUSTERS
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D&D (2005 Bonus Version) Lyrics
Artist(Band):Stephen Lynch
[00:04]Harmonica.
[00:10]More harmonica.
[00:16]I got my twelve sided die and I'm ready to roll with a wizard and my goblin crew.
[00:22]My friends are coming over to my mom's basement bringing Funyuns and the
Mountain Dew.
[00:27]I got a big broad sword made outta cardboard and that stereos a pumpin zeppelin.
(dazed and confused)
[00:33]It's that time of the night, we turn on the black light, let the dungeons and the dragons
begin!
[00:38]It's D and D!!
[00:42]Fighting with the legends of yore.
[00:44]It's D and D!!
[00:48]Never kissed a lady before. Nope, I said it, WOOO!
[00:51]C'mon you gonna bring the thunder? I'll bring the fuckin thunder, c'mon bring the
thunder, c'mon lets go! Aww that's nice.
[00:57]Why don't you bring some thunder mother fucker. Bring some thunder, alright!
[01:02]Now the lord of the rings the dark crystal and things, we use these as a reference tool.
[01:08]And when we put on our cloaks and tell warlock jokes, we're the coolest kids in the
school!
[01:15]No we're not. I know.
[01:17]Now Teich's a real bastard, but a fair dungeon master, he's got hitpoints and charisma
to lend.
[01:22]And I rehearse in my room or what I call the dragon's tomb when I'm not out with my
girlfriend!
[01:27]It's D and D!
[01:29]Wait wait wait, Teich, c'mon. I'm sorry. Woah hey wait, I'm sorry. Hold on gimme one
second. What?
[01:34]Dude come on, seriously. What?!
[01:42]You've got a fuckin...girlfriend? Dungeon master!
[01:49]That's kind of a dick thing to say.
[01:52]It's D and D!!
[01:55]Summoning the demons of hell.
[01:57]It's D and D!!
[02:00]When our shift ends at the taco bell. Gordita! Chalupa!
[02:20]Well my medieval brother, there's room here for another, would you care to take a roll
of the die?
[02:25]You guys make me weep, you think that you can keep up with a warrior as mighty as
I?
[02:31]See you're in mortal danger, I'm a first class ranger who's half gargoyle and half elf.
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[02:37]And if that doesn't scare ya maybe I should beware ya what lurks within my gaming
shelf.
[02:43]Next to my junior high annual lies my monster manual, and my customized dungeon
master screen.
[02:49]I've got treasures and traps on my graph paper maps, next to my three inch solid
pewter figurines.
[02:55]So if you think you got the balls, bring on your dungeon master calls, I'll be protected
by my robe of destruction.
[03:01]And I will leave you both in tears cause I'm the dungeon master here and you two are
in need of some instruction.
[03:06]It's D and D!!
[03:10]Warriors who terrify.
[03:12]It's D and D!!!!!!!
[03:23]Virgins, 'til the day.....
[03:30]We..................................
[03:41]o oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ohh oh
[03:47]Do it, oh oh ohh oh {note:oh's from New Kids on the Block song}
[03:50]NO, NO, NO, NO! NO!
[03:56]One,Two fuck you
[03:57]DIE!!!!!
[4:04]Thank you everybody!
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D&D Kicks Butt – fant ikke teksten
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Weezer: "In The Garage"
I've got a Dungeon Master's Guide
I've got a 12-sided die
I've got Kitty Pryde
And Nightcrawler too
Waiting there for me
Yes I do, I do
I've got posters on the wall
My favorite rock group KISS
I've got Ace Frehley
I've got Peter Criss
Yes I do, I do
In the garage
I feel safe
No one cares about my ways
In the garage
Where I belong
No one hears me sing this song
In the garage
I've got an electric guitar
I play my stupid songs
I write these stupid words
And I love every one
Yes I do, I do
In the garage
I feel safe
In the garage
Where I belong
In the garage
In the garage (yeah)
In the garage
I feel safe
In the garage
Where I belong
In the garage
I feel safe
No one laughs about my ways
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In the garage
Where I belong
No one hears me
No one hears me
No one hears me
No one hears me
No one hears me
sing this song
in the garage
in the garage
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Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (from Monty Python)
words and music by Eric Idle
Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.
And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
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Always look on the right side of life...
Lumberjack Song
Authors: Terry Jones & Michael Palin
BARBER:
I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay.
I sleep all night and I work all day.
MOUNTIES:
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
BARBER:
I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.
MOUNTIES:
He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch.
He goes to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he goes shoppin'
And has buttered scones for tea.
BARBER:
I cut down trees. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars.
MOUNTIES:
He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps.
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around in bars?!
BARBER:
I cut down trees. I wear high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie,
Just like my dear Papa.
MOUNTIES:
He cuts down trees. He wears high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra?!
[talking]
What's this? Wants to be a girlie?! Oh, My!
And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!
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[singing]
He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaay.
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Galaxy Song Lyrics
Artist: Monty Python
Album: The Meaning Of Life
Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour,
That's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
A sun that is the source of all our power.
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
Are moving at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour,
Of the galaxy we call the 'Milky Way'.
Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars.
It's a hundred thousand light years side to side.
It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick,
But out by us, it's just three thousand light years wide.
We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point.
We go 'round every two hundred million years,
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.
The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.
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Every Sperm Is Sacred Lyrics
DAD:
There are Jews in the world.
There are Buddhists.
There are Hindus and Mormons, and then
There are those that follow Mohammed, but
I've never been one of them.
I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is:
They'll take you as soon as you're warm.
You don't have to be a six-footer.
You don't have to have a great brain.
You don't have to have any clothes on. You're
A Catholic the moment Dad came,
Because
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
CHILDREN:
God gets quite irate.
GIRL:
Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.
CHILDREN:
Every sperm is wanted.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.
MUM:
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
29
30
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.
MEN:
WOMEN:
If a sperm is wasted,...
CHILDREN:
...God get quite irate.
PRIEST:
BRIDE and GROOM:
NANNIES:
Every sperm is needed...
CARDINALS:
...In your neighbourhood!
CHILDREN:
Every sperm is useful.
Every sperm is fine.
FUNERAL CORTEGE:
God needs everybody's.
MOURNER #1:
Mine!
MOURNER #2:
And mine!
CORPSE:
And mine!
NUN:
Let the Pagan spill theirs
O'er mountain, hill, and plain.
HOLY STATUES:
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.
EVERYONE:
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.
God gets quite iraaaaaate!
30
31
Monty Python - Spam Song Lyrics
Album: Monty Python Sings
(Lang intro, “låta” begynner ved 2:00)
Customer:
Morning,
Waitress:
Morning.
Customer:
What have you got?
Waitress:
Well, there's egg and bacon,
egg sausage and bacon
Egg and spam
Egg, bacon and spam
Egg, bacon, sausage and spam
Spam, bacon, sausage and spam
Spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam
Spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam tomato and spam
Spam, spam, spam, egg and spam
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam.
(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely Spam! Lovely Spam!)
Or Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce
served in a provencale manner with shallots and aubergines
garnished with truffle pate, brandy and a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife:
Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress:
Well, the spam, eggs, sausage and spam
That's not got much spam in it
Wife:
I don't want any spam!
Customer:
Why can't she have eggs, bacon, spam and sausage?
Wife:
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32
That's got spam in it!
Customer:
Hasn't got much spam in it as spam, eggs, sausage and spam has it?
(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam!...)
Wife:
Could you do me eggs, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam, then?
Waitress:
Iiiiiiiiiiiich!!
Wife:
What do you mean 'Iiiiiiiiiich'? I don't like spam!
(Choir: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress (to choir):
Shut up!
(Choir: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress:
Shut Up! Bloody Vikings!
You can't have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife:
I don't like spam!
Customer:
Shush dear, don't have a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it,
I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans,
spam, spam, spam, and spam!
(Choir: Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!)
Waitress:
Shut Up!! Baked beans are off.
Customer:
Well, could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress:
You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam,
spam and spam?
Choir (intervening):
Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam!
Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
32
33
Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam.
Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Spam spam spam spam!
33
34
Accountancy Shanty Lyrics
Artist: Monty Python (Buy Monty Python CDs)
LEAD PIRATE:
Full speed ahead, Mr. Cohen!
CHORUS:
Up, up, up your premium. Up, up, up your premium.
PIRATE:
Scribble away!
CHORUS:
Up, up, up your premium.
PIRATE:
And balance the books.
CHORUS:
PIRATE:
Scribble away!
CHORUS:
PIRATE:
But manage the books.
CHORUS:
Up, up, up.
PIRATES:
It's fun to charter an accountant
And sail the wide accountancy,
To find, explore the funds offshore
And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy!
It can be manly in insurance.
We'll up your premium semi-annually.
It's all tax deductible.
We're fairly incorruptible,
We're sailing on the wide accountancy!
LEAD PIRATE:
Oh, this is fun, Mr. Cohen!
PIRATE:
Sail away!...
CHORUS:
Up, up, up...
LEAD PIRATE:
Fetch me another exotic salute. To port! Bring her port to shell out! And the medium guys
shell out to port! Balance the books! Bring me another small shellfish, Mr. Cohen...
34
35
I Like Chinese Lyrics
The world today seems absolutely crackers,
With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high.
There's fools and idiots sitting on the trigger.
It's depressing and it's senseless, and that's why...
I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They only come up to your knees,
Yet they're always friendly, and they're ready to please.
I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
There's nine hundred million of them in the world today.
You'd better learn to like them; that's what I say.
I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They come from a long way overseas,
But they're cute and they're cuddly, and they're ready to please.
I like Chinese food.
The waiters never are rude.
Think of the many things they've done to impress.
There's Maoism, Taoism, I Ching, and Chess.
So I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong, their yin, and yang-ese.
I like Chinese thought,
The wisdom that Confucious taught.
If Darwin is anything to shout about,
The Chinese will survive us all without any doubt.
So, I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They only come up to your knees,
Yet they're wise and they're witty, and they're ready to please.
All together.
[verse in Chinese]
Wo ai zhongguo ren. (I like Chinese.)
35
36
Ni hao ma; ni hao ma; ni hao ma; zaijien! (How are you; how are you; how are you;
goodbye!)
I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
Their food is guaranteed to please,
A fourteen, a seven, a nine, and lychees.
I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong, their yin, and yang-ese.
I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They only come up to your knees...
36
37
Fett’s Vet – ikke tekst
37
38
Finland Lyrics
Finland, Finland, Finland
The country where I want to be
Pony trekking or camping
Or just watching TV
It's the country for me
You're so near to Russia
So far from Japan
Quite a long way from Cairo
Lots of miles from Vietnam
The country where I want to be
Eating breakfast or dinner
Or snack lunch in the hall
Finland has it all
You're so sadly neglected
And often ignored
A poor second to Belgium
When going abroad
The country where I quite want to be
Your mountains so lofty
Your treetops so tall
Finland has it all
The country where I quite want to be
Your mountains so lofty
Your treetops so tall
Finland has it all
Finland has it all
38
39
ARTIST: Monty Python
TITLE: Bruces' Philosophers Song
Lyrics and Chords
[ Cdim7 = xx1212 ]
Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel
/D-/-A/--/-D/--/-G/A-/-D/
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates himself was permanently pissed
/ A7 - / / - G Cdim7 A7 /
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
With half a pint of shandy got particularly ill
Plato, they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart
"I drink therefore I am"
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed
/ A - - - / - AD /
39
40
Decomposing Composers Lyrics
Beethoven's gone, but his music lives on,
And Mozart don't go shopping no more.
You'll never meet Liszt or Brahms again,
And Elgar doesn't answer the door.
Schubert and Chopin used to chuckle and laugh,
Whilst composing a long symphony,
But one hundred and fifty years later,
There's very little of them left to see.
They're decomposing composers.
There's nothing much anyone can do.
You can still hear Beethoven,
But Beethoven cannot hear you.
Handel and Haydn and Rachmaninov
Enjoyed a nice drink with their meal,
But nowadays, no one will serve them,
And their gravy is left to congeal.
Verdi and Wagner delighted the crowds
With their highly original sound.
The pianos they played are still working,
But they're both six feet underground.
They're decomposing composers.
There's less of them every year.
You can say what you like to Debussy,
But there's not much of him left to hear.
Claude Achille Debussy-- Died, 1918.
Christophe Willebald Gluck-- Died, 1787.
Carl Maria von Weber-- Not at all well, 1825. Died, 1826.
Giacomo Meyerbeer-- Still alive, 1863. Not still alive, 1864.
Modeste Mussorgsky-- 1880, going to parties. No fun anymore, 1881.
Johan Nepomuk Hummel-- Chatting away nineteen to the dozen with his mates down the pub
every evening, 1836. 1837, nothing.
40
41
Monty Python Christmas In Heaven lyrics
Spoken: GOOD EVENING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. IT'S TRULY
A REAL HONORABLE EXPERIENCE TO BE HERE THIS EVENING.
A VERY WONDERFUL AND WARM AND EMOTIONAL MOMENT FOR
ALL OF US. AND I'D LIKE TO SING A SONG: FOR ALL OF
YOU.
It's Christmas in Heaven,
All
the children sing,
Hark hark those church bells ring.
The snow falls from the sky...
But it's nice and warm and everyone
looks smart and wears a tie.
( From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/m/monty-python-lyrics/christmas-in-heaven-lyrics.html )
There's great fil
ms on TV...
`The Sound of Music' twice an hour
And `Jaws' I, II, and III.
There's gifts for all the family,
There's toiletries and trains...
There's Sony Walkman Headphone sets
And the latest video games.
It's Christmas it's Christmas in Heaven!
Hip hip hip hip hip hooray!
Every single day,
Is Christmas day.
It's Christmas it's Christmas in Heaven!
Hip hip hip hip hip hooray!
Every single day,
It's Christmas day
41
42
The Elements Lyrics
Artist(Band):Tom Lehrer
Now, if I may digress momentarily from the main stream of this evenings symposium, I'd like
to sing a song which is completely pointless but is something which I picked up during my
career as a scientist. This may prove useful to some of you some day perhaps, in a somewhat
bizarre set of circumstances. It's simply the names of the chemical elements set to a possibly
recognizable tune.
There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,
And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium,
And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,
And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,
Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium,
And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium,
And gold and protactinium and indium and gallium,
<gasp>
And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium.
There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium,
And boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium,
And strontium and silicon and silver and samarium,
And bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium, and barium.
Isn't that interesting?
I knew you would.
I hope you're all taking notes, because there's going to be a short quiz next period.
There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium,
And phosphorus and francium and fluorine and terbium,
And manganese and mercury, molybdenum, magnesium,
Dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium.
And lead, praseodymium, and platinum, plutonium,
Palladium, promethium, potassium, polonium,
And tantalum, technetium, titanium, tellurium,
<gasp>
And cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium.
There's sulfur, californium, and fermium, berkelium,
And also mendelevium, einsteinium, nobelium,
And argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc, and rhodium,
And chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tungsten, tin, and sodium.
These are the only ones of which the news has come to Harvard,
And there may be many others, but they haven't been discovered.
Now, may I have the next slide please?
Got carried away there.
42
43
Poisoning Pigeons In The Park Lyrics
Artist(Band):Tom Lehrer
Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here.
Life is skittles and life is beer.
I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring.
I do, don't you? 'Course you do.
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me,
And makes ev'ry Sunday a treat for me.
All the world seems in tune
On a spring afternoon,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.
Ev'ry Sunday you'll see
My sweetheart and me,
As we poison the pigeons in the park.
When they see us coming, the birdies all try an' hide,
But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide.
The sun's shining bright,
Ev'rything seems all right,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.
Lalaalaalalaladoodiedieedoodoodoo
We've gained notoriety,
And caused much anxiety
In the Audubon Society
With our games.
They call it impiety,
And lack of propriety,
And quite a variety
Of unpleasant names.
But it's not against any religion
To want to dispose of a pigeon.
So if Sunday you're free,
Why don't you come with me,
And we'll poison the pigeons in the park.
And maybe we'll do
In a squirrel or two,
While we're poisoning pigeons in the park.
We'll murder them{ all }amid laughter and merriment.
Except for the few we take home to experiment.
My pulse will be quickenin'
With each drop of strychnine
We feed to a pigeon.
43
44
It just takes a smidgen!
To poison a pigeon in the park.
ARTIST: Tom Lehrer
TITLE: We Will All Go Together When We Go
When you attend a funeral
It is sad to think that sooner or later
Those you love will do the same for you
And you may have thought it tragic
Not to mention other adjecTives, to think of all the weeping they will do
But don't you worry
/ Em - / B7 - / Em - C7 B7 / Em - / B7 - / Em F#7 B7 / - /
No more ashes, no more sackcloth
And an armband made of black cloth
Will someday never more adorn a sleeve
For if the bomb that drops on you
Gets your friends and neighbors too
There'll be nobody left behind to grieve
/ Em - / F - / B7 - E - / E E7 A F#7 / B7 - E B7 /
And we will all go together when we go
What a comforting thought that is to know.
Universal bereavement, an inspiring achievement
Yes, we will all go together when we go
/ E - A - / - F#m B7 - / E E7 A F#m / B7 - E C7 /
We will all go together when we go
All suffused with an incandescent glow
No one will have the endurance to collect on his insurance
Lloyd's of London will be loaded when they go
/ F - Bb - / - Gm C7 - / F F7 Bb Gm / C7 - F C#7 /
Oh we will all fry together when we fry
We'll be french fried potatoes by and by
There will be no more misery when the world is our rotisserie
Yes, we will all fry together when we fry
/ F# - E - / - - Eb - / - - / E - / Bb7 - Eb - /
Down by the old maelstrom
There'll be a storm before the calm
44
45
/ Eb F7 Bb7 - / Bb7 G7 Cm B7 /
And we will all bake together when we bake
There'll be nobody present at the wake
With complete participation in that grand incineration
Nearly three billion hunks of well-done steak
Oh we will all char together when we char
And let there be no moaning of the bar
Just sing out a Te Deum when you see that ICBM
And the party will be "come as you are"
Oh we will all burn together when we burn
There'll be no need to stand and wait your turn
When it's time for the fallout
And Saint Peter calls us all out
We'll just drop our agendas and adjourn
You will all go directly to your respective Valhallas
Go directly, do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollahs
/ G#m C#7 / F#m B7 /
And we will all go together when we go
Ev'ry Hottentot and ev'ry Eskimo
When the air becomes uranious, we will all go simultaneous
Yes we all will go together, when we all go together
Yes, we all will go together when we go
/ E - A - / - F#m B7 - / E E7 A F#m / B7 - C#7 - / F#m B7 E - /
45
46
Tom Lehrer Oedipus Rex Lyrics
From the Bible to the popular song,
There's one theme that we find right along.
Of all ideals they hail as good,
The most sublime is motherhood.
There was a man, oh, who it seems,
Once carried this ideal to extremes.
He loved his mother and she loved him,
And yet his story is rather grim.
There once lived a man named oedipus rex.
You may have heard about his odd complex.
His name appears in freud's index
'cause he loved his mother.
His rivals used to say quite a bit,
That as a monarch he was most unfit.
But still in all they had to admit
That he loved his mother.
Yes he loved his mother like no other.
His daughter was his sister and his son was his brother.
One thing on which you can depend is,
He sure knew who a boy's best friend is!
When he found what he had done,
He tore his eyes out one by one.
A tragic end to a loyal son
Who loved his mother.
So be sweet and kind to mother,
Now and then have a chat.
Buy her candy or some flowers or a brand new hat.
But maybe you had better let it go at that!
Or you may find yourself with a quite complex complex,
And you may end up like oedipus.
I'd rather marry a duck-billed platypus,
Than end up like old oedipus rex.
46
47
Terrance & Phillip Lyrics
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker
You´re a cocksucking, ass-liking, uncle fucker
You´re an uncle fucker, yes it´s true
Nobody fucks uncles just like you
Shut your ficking face, uncle fucker
You´re the one that fucks your uncle uncle fucker
You don´t even sleep or mow the lawm
You fuck your uncle all day long
(what´s going on in here?)
Shut you´re fucking face, uncle fucker
You´re a boner bitting bastard, uncle fucker
You´re an uncle fucker, i must say
You fucked your uncle yesterday!
Uncle fucker, that´s u-n-c-l-e, fuck you!
Uncle fucker!
Suck my balls!
47
48
Blame Canada Lyrics - South Park
Sheila: Times have changed
Our kids are getting worse
They won't obey their parents
They just want to fart and curse!
Sharon: Should we blame the government?
Liane: Or blame society?
Dads: Or should we blame the images on TV?
Sheila: No, blame Canada
Everyone: Blame Canada
Sheila: With all their beady little eyes
And flapping heads so full of lies
Blame Canada
Sheila: We need to form a full assault
Everyone: It's Canada's fault!
Sharon: Don't blame me
For my son Stan
He saw the darn cartoon
And now he's off to join the Klan!
Liane: And my boy Eric once
Had my picture on his shelf
But now when I see him he tells me to fuck myself!
Sheila: Well, blame Canada
Sheila: It seems that everything's gone wrong
Since Canada came along
Blame Canada
Copy Guy: They're not even a real country anyway
Ms. McCormick: My son could've been a doctor or a lawyer rich and true,
Instead he burned up like a piggy on the barbecue
Everyone: Should we blame the matches?
Should we blame the fire?
Or the doctors who allowed him to expire?
Sheila: heck no!
Blame Canada
Sheila: With all their hockey hullabaloo
Liane: And that bitch Anne Murray too
Shame on Canada
For...
The smut we must stop
The trash we must bash
The Laughter and fun
Must all be undone
We must blame them and cause a fuss
48
49
Before somebody thinks of blaming uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus!!!!
Trey Parker - America, Fuck Yeah Lyrics
America...
America...
America, FUCK YEAH!
Coming again, to save the mother fucking day yeah,
America, FUCK YEAH!
Freedom is the only way yeah,
Terrorist your game is through cause now you have to answer too,
America, FUCK YEAH!
So lick my butt, and suck on my balls,
America, FUCK YEAH!
What you going to do when we come for you now,
It’s the dream that we all share; it’s the hope for tomorrow
FUCK YEAH!
McDonalds, FUCK YEAH!
Wal-Mart, FUCK YEAH!
The Gap, FUCK YEAH!
Baseball, FUCK YEAH!
NFL, FUCK, YEAH!
Rock and roll, FUCK YEAH!
The Internet, FUCK YEAH!
Slavery, FUCK YEAH!
FUCK YEAH!
Starbucks, FUCK YEAH!
Disney world, FUCK YEAH!
Porno, FUCK YEAH!
Valium, FUCK YEAH!
Reeboks, FUCK YEAH!
Fake Tits, FUCK YEAH!
Sushi, FUCK YEAH!
Taco Bell, FUCK YEAH!
Rodeos, FUCK YEAH!
Bed bath and beyond (Fuck yeah, Fuck yeah)
Liberty, FUCK YEAH!
White Slips, FUCK YEAH!
The Alamo, FUCK YEAH!
Band-aids, FUCK YEAH!
Las Vegas, FUCK YEAH!
Christmas, FUCK YEAH!
Immigrants, FUCK YEAH!
Popeye, FUCK YEAH!
Democrats, FUCK YEAH!
49
50
Republicans (republicans)
(fuck yeah, fuck yeah)
Sportsmanship
Books
50
51
Spider Pig – ikke tekst
51
52
Nrrrd Grrrl Lyrics
Artist(Band):MC Chris
Nerd girl, I don't deserve you
I don't get the references you refer to
I love your Lipsmackers and your lack of perfume
I hope to get you home by curfew
WORD UP!
There's a special kind of girl that goes to my shows
And I don't mean the groupie hos
All along the front row
She's more like a wallflower
Like the one that Stryker sniped
I'm like elixir when I'm with her
'Cause I think I like her type
She might seem shy in person, it's no lie
She's always nervous
But the verdict is she's worth it
She gets crap but don't deserve it
She look like Emily Strange
Always ravin' 'bout her favs
Wanna conquer her like Kang
When you kiss like Cassie Lang
There's no way I can pronounce Neo Geo Evangelion
I can't refute 'cause she's so cute
And so I suck my belly in
X-23 and Hellion, odd couple, to be kind
She's in my heart and in my mind
And now she's in my rhymes
She's wordy and verbose
Prolific and prone to prose
Always sick and has a cold
Stuffed nose she's got to blow
I've got many cold remedies, many old enemies
I've got a girl that kick their ass like River from Serenity
WORD UP!
Her parents are divorced
And there's often daddy issues
52
53
Try not to take advantage
While I hand her all my tissues
She hips me to the bands she likes
I couldn't be more clueless
Every word comes out her mouth
Is now on my to-do list
She's romantic, known to panic
With anxiety attacks
Literary, it's so scary
Reading Brontes back to back
She's playing Ragnarok on her momma's Magnavox
She's underneath my skin like a million nanobots
She's like Annie Potts in 'Busters
Get my freak on like I'm Egon
Say third base right to her face
And she will be like, be gone
If not now know I can wait like Lucas and the locusts
And you know this we'll buy glow sticks
Stay up late, perfect the slow kiss
You can't resist Chris 'cause he helps you de-stress
While you play Animal Crossing on your Nintendo DS
Baby, if we can't be a couple
Give up on getting married
I'll remember we connected
And how that happens so rarely
(I'm serious, girl!)
WORD UP!
53
54
Fett’s Vet – ikke tekst
54
55
- The Internet Is For Porn Lyrics
KATE
The internet is really really great
TREKKIE MONSTER
For porn
KATE
Ive got a fast connection so i dont have to wait
TREKKIE
For porn
KATE
Huh?
There's always some new site,
TREKKIE
For porn!
I browse all day and night
TREKKIE
For porn!
KATE
It's like im surfing at the speed of light
TREKKIE
For porn!
KATE
Trekkie!
TREKKIE
The internet is for porn
KATE
Trekkie!
TREKKIE
The internet is for porn,
KATE
What are you doing!?
TREKKIE
Why you think the net was born?
Porn porn porn
KATE
Treeekkie!
TREKKIE
Oh hello kate monster
KATE
You are ruining my song
TREKKIE
Oh me sorry, me no mean to
KATE
Well if you wouldnt mind please being quiet for a minute so i can finish?
TREKKIE
Me no talkie
55
56
KATE
Good
Im glad we have this new technology
TREKKIE
For porn
KATE
Which gives us untold opportunity
TREKKIE
For poroops, sorry
KATE
Right from you own desktop
TREKKIE
For --KATE
You can research browse and shop
Until youve had enough and your ready to stop
TREKKIE
FOR PORN!!
Trekkie!
TREKKIE
The internet is for porn!
KATE
Noooo
TREKKIE
The internet if for porn!
KATE
Trekkie
TREKKIE
Me up all night honking me horn to porn, porn, porn!
KATE
Thats gross youre a pervert
TREKKIE
Ah, sticks and stones Kate monster
KATE
NO really, your a pervert
Normal people dont sit at home and look
At porn on the internet
TREKKIE
Ohhhh?
KATE
What?!
TREKKIE
You have no idea
Ready normal people?
NORMAL PEOPLE
56
57
Ready--- ready ----ready
TREKKIE
Let me hear it!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
PRINCETON
Sorry kate
TREKKIE AND GUYS
PRINCETON
I masturbate!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
All these guys unzip their flies
For porn, porn, porn!
KATE
The internet is not for porn!!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
PORN!, PORN, P--KATE
HOLD ON A SECOND!
Now i know for a fact that you, Rob, check your portfolio and trade stocks online
ROB
Thats correct.
KATE
And Brian, you buy things on Amazon.com
BRIAN
Sure!
KATE
And Gary, you keep selling your possesions on Ebay
GARY
Yes I do!
KATE
And Princeton, you sent me that sweet online birthday card
PRINCETON
True!
TREKKIE
57
58
Oh, but KateWhat you think he do . . .after? hmm?
PRINCETON
. .yeah
KATE
EEEWWWWW!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
KATE
Gross!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
KATE
I hate porn
TREKKIE AND GUYS
Grab your dick and double click
KATE
I hate you men!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
For porn, porn, porn!
(harmonizing) porn, porn, porn, porn
KATE
Im leaving!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
Porn, porn, porn, porn
porn, porn, porn, porn
KATE
I hate the internet!
TREKKIE AND GUYS
Porn, porn, porn, porn
TREKKIE
The internet is for
TREKKIE AND SOME
The internet is for
TREKKIE AND ALL
The internet is for PORN!
TREKKIE
YEAH!
58
59
Bobby "Boris" Pickett - Monster Mash Lyrics
I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise
He did the mash
He did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on in a flash
He did the mash
He did the monster mash
From my laboratory in the castle east
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from my electrodes
They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The monster mash
They did the mash
They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Wolf Man
Dracula and his son
The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five"
They played the mash
They played the monster mash
The monster mash
They played the monster mash
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60
Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist
And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?"
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
The monster mash
And it's a graveyard smash
It's now the mash
It's caught on in a flash
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band
And my monster mash is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this mash was meant too
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
The monster mash
And do my graveyard smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
60
61
WEIRD AL YANKOVIC LYRICS - You Don't Love Me
Anymore
We've been together for so very long
But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong?
Seems you don't want me around
The passion is gone and the flame's died down
I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem
That time that you made it with the whole hockey team
You used to think I was nice
Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist
Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes in my car?
That kind of thing is hard to ignore
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore
I knew that we were having problems when
You put those piranhas in my bathtub again
You're still the light of my life
Oh darling, I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife?
You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way
You poison my coffee just a little each day
I still remember the way that you laughed
When you pushed me down that elevator shaft
Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra
Doing in my underwear drawer?
Sometime I get to thinking you don't love me any more
You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill
Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will
You set my house on fire
You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers
Oh, you think that I'm ugly and you say that I'm cheap
You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep
You drilled a hole in my head
Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead
Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all
You never acted this way before
Honey, something tells me you don't love me any more, oh no no
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore
61
62
Cantina Band og Imperial March – Ingen tekst
62
63
The Ballad Of Bilbo Baggins Lyrics
In the middle of the earth in the land of the Shire
lives a brave little hobbit whom we all admire.
With his long wooden pipe,
fuzzy, woolly toes,
he lives in a hobbit-hole and everybody knows him
Bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
He's only three feet tall
The bravest little hobbit of them all
Now hobbits are a peace-lovin' folks you know
They don't like to hurry and they take things slow
They don't like to travel away from home
They just want to eat and be left alone
But one day Bilbo was asked to go
on a big adventure to the caves below,
to help some dwarves get back their gold
that was stolen by a dragon in the days of old.
Well he fought with the goblins!
He battled a troll!!
He riddled with Gollum!!!
A magic ring he stole!!!!
He was chased by wolves!!!!!
Lost in the forest!!!!!!
Escaped in a barrel from the elf-king's halls!!!!!!!
Now he's back in his hole in the land of the Shire,
that brave little hobbit whom we all admire,
just a-sittin' on a treasure of silver and gold
a-puffin' on his pipe in his hobbit-hole.
63
64
Code Monkey Lyrics
(written by: Jonathan Coulton)
Jonathan Coulton - Code Monkey Music Downloads
Jonathan Coulton - Code Monkey Ringtone
Code Monkey get up get coffee
Code Monkey go to job
Code Monkey have boring meeting with boring manager Rob
Rob say Code Monkey very diligent
but his output stink
his code not functional or elegant
what do Code Monkey think
Code Monkey think maybe manager want to write goddamn login page himself
Code Monkey not say it out loud
Code Monkey not crazy just proud
Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
with big warm fuzzy secret heart
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey hang around at front desk
tell you sweater look nice
Code Monkey offer buy you soda
bring you cup bring you ice
you say no thank you for the soda cause
soda make you fat
anyway you busy with the telephone
no time for chat
Code Monkey have long walk back to cubicle
he sit down pretend to work
Code Monkey not thinking so straight
Code Monkey not feeling so great
Code Monkey like you a lot
Code Monkey have every reason
to get out this place
Code Monkey just keep on working
to see your soft pretty face
64
65
Much rather wake up eat a coffee cake
Take bath, take nap
This job fulfilling in creative way
such a load of crap
Code Monkey think someday he have everything even pretty girl like you
Code Monkey just waiting for now
Code Monkey say someday, somehow
65
66
Artist: Jonathan Coulton lyrics
Title: Ikea
Long ago in days of yore
It all began with a god named Thor
There were Vikings and boats
And some plans for a furniture store
It's not a bodega, it's not a mall
And they sell things for apartments smaller than mine
As if there were apartments smaller than mine
Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen
Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men
Everyone has a home
But if you don't have a home you can buy one there
So rent a car or take the bus
Lay your cash down and put your trust
In the land where the furniture folds to a much smaller size
Billy the bookcase says hello
And so does a table whose name is Ingo
And the chair is a ladder-back birch but his friends call him Karl
Everyone has a home
Ikea: plywood, brushed steel
Ikea: meatballs, tasty
Ikea: Allen wrenches
All of them for free
All of them for me
I'm sorry I said Ikea sucks
I just bought a table for 60 bucks
And a chair and a lamp
And a shelf and some candles for you
I was a doubter just like you
Till I saw the American dream come true
In New Jersey, they got a goddamned Swedish parade
Everyone has a home
Long ago in days of yore
66
67
It all began with a god named Thor
There were Vikings and boats
And some plans for a furniture store
It's not a bodega, it's not a mall
And they sell things for apartments smaller than mine
As if there were apartments smaller than mine
Everyone has a home
So rent a car or take the bus
Lay your cash down and put your trust
In the land where the furniture folds to a much smaller size
Billy the bookcase says hello
And so does a table whose name is Ingo
And the chair is a ladder-back birch but his friends call him Karl
Everyone has a home
Ikea: plywood, brushed steel
Ikea: meatballs, tasty
Ikea: Allen wrenches
All of them for free
All of them for me
I'm sorry I said Ikea sucks
I just bought a table for 60 bucks
And a chair and a lamp
And a shelf and some candles for you
I was a doubter just like you
Till I saw the American dream come true
In New Jersey, they got a goddamned Swedish parade
Everyone has a home
67
68
"Jonathan Coulton Chiron Beta Prime lyrics"
This year has been a little crazy for the Andersons.
You may recall we had some trouble last year.
The robot council had us banished to an asteroid. That hasn't undermined our holiday cheer.
And we know it's almost Christmas from the marks we make on the wall. And that's our
favorite time of year.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime, where we're working in a mine for our robot
overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant protectors.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime.
On every corner there’s a giant metal
Santa Claus who watches over us with glowing red eyes.
They carry weapons and they know if you’ve been bad or good. Not everybody’s good but
everyone tries.
And the rocks outside the airlock exude ammonia-scented snow.
It's like a Winter wonderland.
overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant protectors.
That's all the family news that we're allowed to talk about. We really hope you'll come and
visit us soon.
I mean we're literally begging you to visit us.
And make it quick before they
Now it's time for Christmas dinner.
I think the robots sent us a pie!
You know I love my soylent green.
overlords.
Did I say overlords?
I meant protectors.
68
69
"Jonathan Coulton Skullcrusher Mountain lyrics"
Welcome to my secret lair on Skullcrusher Mountain
I hope that you've enjoyed your stay so far
I see you've met my assistant Scarface
His appearance is quite disturbing
But I assure you he's harmless enough
He's a sweetheart, calls me master
And he has a way of finding pretty things and bringing them to me
I'm so into you
But I'm way too smart for you
Even my henchmen think I'm crazy
I'm not surprised that you agree
If you could find some way to be
A little bit less afraid of me
You'd see the voices that control me from inside my head
Say I shouldn't kill you yet
I made this half-pony half-monkey monster to please you
But I get the feeling that you don't like it
What's with all the screaming?
You like monkeys, you like ponies
Maybe you don't like monsters so much
Maybe I used too many monkeys
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?
I'm so into you
Picture the two of us alone inside my golden submarine
While up above the waves my doomsday squad ignites the atmosphere
And all the fools who live their foolish lives may find it quite explosive
But it won't mean half as much to me if I don't have you here
You know it isn't easy living here on Skullcrusher Mountain
Maybe you could cut me just a little slack
Would it kill you to be civil?
I've been patient, I've been gracious
And this mountain is covered with wolves
Hear them howling, my hungry children
Maybe you should stay and have another drink and think about me and you
69
70
I'm so into you
I shouldn't kill you yet
I shouldn't kill you yet
70
71
Jonathan Coulton - Creepy Doll lyrics
In a town in the woods at the top of a hill
There's a house where no one lives
So you take a big bag of your big city money there and buy it
Then at night when you're all alone
And the house is dark there's a noise upstairs
At the top of the stairs there's a door so you take a deep breath and try it
And the flashlight shines on something moving just inside the door
There's a tattered dress and a feeling that you've felt somewhere before
And there's the creepy doll
That always follows you
It's got a ruined eye
That's always open
And there's a creepy doll
It's got a pretty mouth
To swallow you whole
So you scream and you close the door
And you tell yourself it was just a dream
In the morning you head into town cause you want to go antiquing
In the store there's a strange old man
With a wandering eye and a withered hand
When he hands you the old wooden box you can hear his old bones creaking
And you know what you will find inside the moment that you see
That someone carved your name into the tarnished silver key
That's always open
And when you come home late the doll is waiting up for you
And when you fix a snack the doll says it would like one too
The doll is in your house and in your room and in your bed
The doll is in your eyes and in your arms and in your head and you are crazy
Now it's late and you head downstairs
Cause you just can't sleep and you make some tea
71
72
And the doll disapprovingly asks if you really need that much honey
You decide that you've had enough
And you lock the doll in the wooden box
You put the box in the fireplace next to your bag of big city money
As the smoke fills up your tiny room there's nothing you can do
And far too late you see the one inside the box is you
That's always open
72
73
Jonathan Coulton - Re Your Brains Lyrics
Heya Tom, it's Bob,
From the office down the hall.
Good to see you buddy,
How've ya been?
Things have been okay for me,
Except that I'm a zombie now.
Really wish you'd let us in.
I think I speak for all of us when I say I understand
Why you folks might hesitate to submit to our demands,
But here's an FYI - you're all gonna die, screaming.
All we wanna do is eat your brains
We're not unreasonable,
I mean no-one's gonna eat your eyes
We're at an impasse here,
Maybe we should compromise.
Open up the doors,
We'll all come inside and eat your brains.
I don't wanna nitpick Tom, but is this really your plan Spend your whole life locked inside a mall?
Maybe that's okay for now,
But someday you'll be out of food and guns,
And you'll have to make the call.
I'm not surprised to see you haven't thought it through enough You never had the head for all that 'bigger picture' stuff.
But Tom, that's what I do,
And I plan on eating you, slowly.
We're at an impasse here
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Maybe we should compromise
Open up the doors,
We'll all come inside and eat your brains
I'd like to help you Tom,
In any way I can.
I sure appreciate the way you're working with me.
I'm not a monster Tom - well, technically I am...I guess I am...
I've got another meeting Tom;
Maybe we could wrap it up.
73
74
I know we'll get to common ground somehow.
Meanwhile I'll report back to my colleagues,
Who are chewing on the doors.
I guess we'll table this for now.
I'm glad to see you take constructive criticism well
Thank you for your time, I know we're all busy as hell.
And we'll put this thing to bed,
When I bash your head open.
We're at an impasse here
Maybe we should compromise
Open up the doors,
We'll all come inside and eat your brains
74
75
The Irish Ballad Lyrics - Tom Lehrer
About a maid I'll sing a song,
Sing rickety-tickety-tin,
About Sinead I'll sing a song
Who didn't have her family long.
Not only did she do them wrong,
She did ev'ryone of them in, them in,
She did ev'ryone of them in.
One morning in a fit of pique,
One morning in a fit of pique,
She drowned her father in the creek.
The water tasted bad for a week,
And we had to make do with gin, with gin,
We had to make do with gin.
Her mother she could never stand,
Her mother she could never stand,
And so a cyanide soup she planned.
The mother died with a spoon in her hand,
And her face in a hideous grin, a grin,
Her face in a hideous grin.
She set her sister's hair on fire,
She set her sister's hair on fire,
And as the smoke and flame rose high'r,
Danced around the funeral pyre,
Playin' a violin, -olin,
Playin' a violin.
She weighted her brother down with stones,
Rickety-tickety-tin,
She weighted her brother down with stones,
And sent him off to Davy Jones.
All they ever found were some bones,
And occasional pieces of skin, of skin,
Occasional pieces of skin.
One day when she had nothing to do,
One day when she had nothing to do,
She cut her baby brother in two,
And served him up as an Irish stew,
75
76
And invited the neighbors in, -bors in,
Invited the neighbors in.
And when at last the police came by,
And when at last the police came by,
Her little pranks she did not deny,
To do so she would have had to lie,
And lying, she knew, was a sin, a sin,
Lying, she knew, was a sin.
My tragic tale, I won't prolong,
Rickety-tickety-tin,
My tragic tale I won't prolong,
And if you do not enjoy my song,
You've yourselves to blame if it's too long,
You should never have let me begin, begin,
You should never have let me begin.
76
77
Lyrics to O.G. Original Gamer – MC Lars
OG Original Gamer
Sad as "Face of a Stranger"
Lars:
Dad found me on the steps of the video arcade
Oprhan baby in a basket, seven pounds is all I weighed
And before I learned to walk well I'd mastered Donkey Kong
Q*bert, Final Fight, Master Blaster, and Pong
Blindfolded - okay yeah I know it sounds adorable
But dollars signs in pop's eyes grew creepy and deplorable
He said
Frontalot:
Play by the noises, follow the ding boing...
Lars: But I can walk the dog and do my homework?
Frontalot:
First, collect coins!
Kid, didn't I find you with a controller in hand?
Now why do you got to go and bring shame to your old man?
Same to your old fans; you were a child prodigy
up on a milk crate at the cabinet, making cottage cheese
out of anybody'd put a quarter on screen.
My pride in you extended like the limbs of Dhalsim.
All green money motives must a back seat take!
Put the textbooks down, I'm trying to make you great
OG Original Gamer
Lars: Locked in the attic I was drilled from my crib to the stroller
While Dad beat my senseless with the NES controller
Front: Kid listen I promise, it's for your own good.
Wits that you've shown: should you level up? It's understood!
Lars: I haven't seen the sun since '98 like Sega Saturn
I've been learning ten-hit combos and the speed run patterns
Front: More play, less chatter. You're a champion, kid.
Under your mattress there had better be some cartridges hid.
77
78
Lars: Up down, left right, B A - mad scary
Clockwork Orange meets Ray Bradbury
Front: It's unnecessary to struggle; you're fated to win,
but till you beat Bowser, you stay strapped in.
Lars: I want to live a fun life, I've only seen the sun twice
I want want real friends dad, Nintendogs won't suffice
Front: Why do you ask for nothing when the world could be yours.
Flesh-and-blood fun's fleeting. Seek eternal high scores.
OG Original Gamer
Lars: I want to go to school and clean my room
I don't want to sit here playing Doom
Three, can't you see I need to go out and play yo
Real sports like baseball, I'm sick of Halo
Front: Then you're sick of the meaning of life -- at your age!
Better try a little harder, you want to clear that stage
and step into the middle of an existence examined.
Do it, or you're grounded: make you play backgammon.
Lars: Here's a list of things that I'd rather do
than sitting home playing Super Smash Brothers with you
Eat peas, do the dishes, walk the dog, mow the lawn
Take your Wii and shove it pops, I'm off yo I'm gone.. Peace!
Front: Don't Joust with me kid, I'll go Berzerk.
After all of your talent, all of my hard work,
all the winnings that you earn, your celebrity too,
You want to put us on the streets, like the TV movies do!
OG Original Gamer
OG Original Gamer
Lars:
Dad found me on the steps of the video arcade
Oprhan baby in a basket, seven pounds is all I weighed
And before I learned to walk well I'd mastered Donkey Kong
Q*bert, Final Fight, Master Blaster, and Pong
Blindfolded - okay yeah I know it sounds adorable
But dollars signs in pop's eyes grew creepy and deplorable
He said
78
79
Frontalot:
Play by the noises, follow the ding boing...
Lars: But I can walk the dog and do my homework?
Frontalot:
First, collect coins!
Kid, didn't I find you with a controller in hand?
Now why do you got to go and bring shame to your old man?
Same to your old fans; you were a child prodigy
up on a milk crate at the cabinet, making cottage cheese
out of anybody'd put a quarter on screen.
My pride in you extended like the limbs of Dhalsim.
All green money motives must a back seat take!
Put the textbooks down, I'm trying to make you great
OG Original Gamer
Lars: Locked in the attic I was drilled from my crib to the stroller
While Dad beat my senseless with the NES controller
Front: Kid listen I promise, it's for your own good.
Wits that you've shown: should you level up? It's understood!
Lars: I haven't seen the sun since '98 like Sega Saturn
I've been learning ten-hit combos and the speed run patterns
Front: More play, less chatter. You're a champion, kid.
Under your mattress there had better be some cartridges hid.
Lars: Up down, left right, B A - mad scary
Clockwork Orange meets Ray Bradbury
Front: It's unnecessary to struggle; you're fated to win,
but till you beat Bowser, you stay strapped in.
Lars: I want to live a fun life, I've only seen the sun twice
I want want real friends dad, Nintendogs won't suffice
Front: Why do you ask for nothing when the world could be yours.
Flesh-and-blood fun's fleeting. Seek eternal high scores.
OG Original Gamer
Lars: I want to go to school and clean my room
79
80
I don't want to sit here playing Doom
Three, can't you see I need to go out and play yo
Real sports like baseball, I'm sick of Halo
Front: Then you're sick of the meaning of life -- at your age!
Better try a little harder, you want to clear that stage
and step into the middle of an existence examined.
Do it, or you're grounded: make you play backgammon.
Lars: Here's a list of things that I'd rather do
than sitting home playing Super Smash Brothers with you
Eat peas, do the dishes, walk the dog, mow the lawn
Take your Wii and shove it pops, I'm off yo I'm gone.. Peace!
Front: Don't Joust with me kid, I'll go Berzerk.
After all of your talent, all of my hard work,
all the winnings that you earn, your celebrity too,
You want to put us on the streets, like the TV movies do!
OG Original Gamer
80

ABSOLUTE NERDE-HITS Sanghefte 1

Transcription

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