Features - Wex Photographic

Transcription

2007/2008
Computerama Experiencama
atures
ChickenTex fe
TM
2007-2008
s
e
k
a
m
r
e
l
p
.
.
.
m
y
x
e
Cru
s
you
G
ntain
that it can’t co
should know
and
up
on
llence. Giddylevels of exce
h
hig
ly
ed
,
rd
ts
can’ just
your reta
nts. No more
ur galloping wa
yo
of
e
rs
ho
dreams.
mount the
your deserved
h the fields of
ug
ro
th
ing
er
Yes, those
sweet cant
poor chump.
ur glums, my
Yo
of
e
or
m
I’ll take no
move, such
h your every
itehawks watc
ach you.
beady-eyed sh
sy
lou can’t re
t their bitter jea
bu
,
gs
pi
l
ta
life is
judgemen
n misery. Your
sty of their ow
e
th
in
w
llo
it, live it, Your
Let them wa
e power. Feel
of its awesom
h
nit
ze
e
th
rough misted
coming to
You proudly th
You, watches
es
se
er
pl
re as you stalk
way! Crum
a!” You decla
ogress. “Ha Ha
pr
ur
Yo
es
ess boldly
eyes, prais
age, Your Youn
ntre of life’s st
ce
e
e
th
to
on
ion. This is th
masterfully
ion of perfect
s. A mad pass
se
ed
as
bl
m
m
e
fu
th
naked to
, furtive and
den like a first
shamefully hid
bracing Your
way, nothing
Em
.
or
d bathroom do
ke
y
loc
a
d
hin
umphilosoph
fondle be
idities. This Cr
ing Your stup
ac
pl
it.
re
e
s,
ac
itie
br
eccentric
bag it, em
r You, take it,
umpler, it’s fo
is this
isn’t just for Cr
rr,
ey pu “Who
ooooohh”, th
’
“O
w!
no
u
Yo
lk, a scratchin
Look at
the cluckin’ wa
You! Cock of
n
It’s
ca
?”
u
ts
Yo
an
.
swanky-p
mp-chicken
top hatted pi
. A great, big,
Take Your
and a struttin’
ne
an l ‘DO IT’.
u tune in to ch
Yo
ce
on
g
on
miracles.
do no wr
el of whipped
ur style to a lev
I
Yo
e
liv
d
an
member that
chance
convert and re
nton hipsters,
te
wa
ra
u
pa
yo
se
all
n
Come on
distance ca
umplings, no
u, my little Cr
ur
watch over Yo
anket, I feel Yo
bl
a
like
covers You all
s
es
er
en
ov
ar
aw
sh
wa
us. My
well-wishing
, now feel my
ts
en
em
ov
m
slightest
ove!
Your every m
x, you
et out of that bo
www.crumpler.eu
coloured
chicks
from
outer
space
the Crumpler Chicken Tex story
bagansd
r
u
o
e
r
ble
Whbyrill,atough, ligzhtt,hdaut’srathe way
so
st
on? Co
the be
freak
l! Only
o
ur
o
f
o
git yo
,
e
bar
ke em
ugh to
o
we ma
m
n
r
e
a
f
d
goo
n our
sack’s
l
own o
ia
D
r
t
.
s
e
u
am
o ind
N
.
fame-n
d
e
k
ac
uss
gone b
it all s
we’ve
,
all
we got
s
t
u
I
r
.
fo
arees
g
n
u
estates
d
nd
, our
ya see
roots a
s
r
r
u
e
o
h
t
o
a
t
fe
ife of
ith the
ith a l
w
w
s
d
t
e
r
r
a
st
ou
xury
re fav
lling lu
e
d
o
y
fowl a
farm
e-do
-doodl
ptuous
m
u
s
cock-a
ppiest
mpler’s
the ha
y
l
on Cru
n
o
use
ude in
s beca
pe attit
y
t
t
h
of frill
e our
e rig
to mak
ave th
s
h
r
e
s
h
n
t
e
h
ea
do we
their f
e. How
m
e
r
p
Su
ight do
n Tex
You m
?
y
t,
p
p
Chicke
ha
ut tha
‘em so
rt abo
e
b
l
n
e
A
make
k
to
chic
talkin’
master
r
…
u
r
better
o
e
r
he’s
whispe
It all
starts
here
We tell Albert
he’s
beginning to spoil them too much but he
won’t have it! Right from their start, as
fluffy yellow chickballs that some people
would just pop in their mouth and munch
on with glee, Albert nurtures these fat little
Buddha birdies. He gets to know each one
by scent (and later by name) and bonds with
them by playing hide n’ seek and peekaboo
all morning. You should see them follow
him around, he’s always ready to give a hug
to a fuzzy-lump with a grazed knee. In the
afternoon he massages each chicks tiny feet
- they’ve had a big morning - and tells them
all a story before their nap. At around
2.15 p.m. the chicks’ mums come to pick
them up to bring them home to the coop,
knowing they’ve been well looked after.
pellets:
colourtedxevelopment of
During t mistook some
Alber for candy and e
them up with a blu
ended he now works
beard. ime as a pirate
part ts parties.
at kid
magic
pills
hickthse
c
r
u
o
n
e
Wh
can join
lder they
le o
are a litt
. It’s so
the farm
n
o
others
hey get to
for
r them. T
they’ll do
exciting fo
activities
h
ic
h
m
o
w
fr
choose
ing down
hang-glid
real hit
a
is
the day d
e
e big sh
th
f
ey
o
f
o
the ro
n’t fly! Th
ickens ca
h
c
s
y
to
sa
rm
- who
of the fa
hat part
colour…
w
e
decide w
n
nd their
a
in
t
u
o
hang
r.
the colou
nic,
Oh yeah,
h an orga
it
w
p
u
e
m
o
c
We’ve
ellet that
eir
lourtex p
choose th
vegan co
ickens to
h
c
a
e
m
th
e
s
allow
gives th
It really
r.
u
u
o
y
lo
o
s,
c
own
mselve
press the
x
e
.
d
to
o
e
c
ro
chan
om the b
nd out fr
know, sta
s with a
e
rovides u
Also it p
lours in th
nge of co
ra
s
n
u
o
lo
t
u
ridic
us, excep
they give
feathers
nd
k’s day a
get
St. Patric
en all we
’s day wh
e
n
ti
n
le
a
St. V
and pink
of green
are tons
feathers!
It’s hard to know who’s more of a
mother hen here...
Albert often circulates with fancy
amuse-bouches or hors d’oeuvres.
Many of the chickens bow to Crumpler emblems in thanksgiving
for their privileged lifestyle.
Albert doesn’t let a single precious feather from these
chirpy chickies go to waste.
livin
the
high life
The only pr
10
oblem
that we hav
e on the farm
is
trying to kee
p track of al
l the
wild birds an
d birds from
other
farms that
are sneakin
g in.
First it was
just the loca
l birds
who used to
fly down an
d stand
outside the
fence lookin
g in, but
word spread
fast and soon
had flukkin
we
’ flocks from
al
l
ov
er
arriving. It’d
be cruel to
just
turn them aw
ay so we ta
ke in a
couple a day
, it’s only fa
ir. Look
at these luck
y duckys (s
ee if you
can spot th
e 2nd one!),
livin’ the
high life. N
o more sitt
ing soggily
in cold pon
ds checking
the
waterproofi
ng of their
bums,
it’s all laugh
ing and barn
-side
soireés for
them now.
11
...
chickens...
the Ch
icken So
ng
My flu
i
ff
This is m y wuffy wuffy
I’ll sing t y fluffy wuffy wuffy chickens
I’ll sing t o you, my fluffychicken song
o you all
this goodwuffy chickens
, sweet d
Be happy
ay long.
m
y
f
e
athered
No sadne
Just cluc ss or frustration friends, yes be h
appy
To fill yokin, git-ar pluckinis for ye
ur little
’
chicken h little ditties
eads wit
I love yo
h glee
u
m
y gorgeo
My love
u
s
lit
Please co for you, it is so tle dearies
m
pure and
e
to m
About ho
w to righe if you have any strong
t any sin
gle little queries
Jump up
wrong
And cluc and down flappin
Please sink along to this, yg your little win
It’s this g to me my litt our chicken song gies
I’ve been
le
waiting f feathered beaut
or all alo
ies
ng.
i
j
12
12
13
13
ep
kethe
karma
sweet
Albert ha
d never
14
expecte
d the ch
ickens to
to him,
sing bac
they’re
k
n
ot exactl
birds, so
y songwhen th
e
y
blown a
did he w
way. An
as
d not ju
because
st
they we
re singin
songs th
g, the
emselve
s
were blo
amazing
ody
. We rec
orded a
songs a
ll their
nd over
laid the
another
m on on
using a
e
giant, w
shaped
alk-in, e
recordin
gg
g conso
the mos
le, it wo
t amazin
v
e
g melod
contente
y. All th
d hen so
e
ngs cam
together
e
, their jo
yous ha
combinin
r
m
onies
g to ma
ke one
musical
interwo
rhapsod
ven
y. We’ve
the wea
modelle
ve of ou
d
r Chicke
on our u
n Tex fa
pliftingly
b
ric
happy c
song, th
hicken
is, and u
sing the
feathers
type of
only an
absurdly
can mak
happy b
e, is wh
ird
at keep
so tight,
s
o
ur form
our fabr
u
la
ic so to
lasting a
ugh, lon
nd light,
g
and our
sweet!
karma
15
x
e
T
n
e
Chickeme
Supr
ow,seseo
n
k
u
o
y k our ‘tex and
Nokew
ec
ddy ch
near
chic
e
Damn
s of th
good.
l
l
a
’s
ad bag
a bit
it
l
g
m
e
o
l
g fr
in
ructib
t
m
s
o
e
c
d
in
vin’. If
r, all
en luv
t orde
s
k
e
ic
h
h
ig
c
h
a bag,
ned
fashio
it into
s
d
d
l
d
o
l
u
’
o
co
life an
to you
r dear
d
o
a
f
h
p
a
a
y
str
ntain.
ing the
a mou
clutch
n
w
o
, your
an d
n
bottom
tobogg
e
h
t
er tha
g
chin
le hott
t
it
ne.
l
fi
a
On rea
e
eaky
may b
be squ
’d
g
t
a
bottom
eb
wen
but th
e that
t
usual,
he car
t
r
perfec
a
e
y, w
usand
o
h
ng
t
o
s
Lightl
a
g
heir
roducin
carry t
d
,
n
e
into p
a
l
s
urab
rmonie
ong, d
d
hen ha
ys. Str
a
w
ant an
l
t
a
ou
t resis
ir
ese
d
h
t
with y
d
have
r- an
e
s
t
n
a
e
w
k
,
ic
soft
our ch
great
eight,
oduce
r
!
p
lightw
p
l
gs. Yes
s to he
ater ba
e
r
g
qualitie
n
e
for ev
fabric
16
17
SMOOTH
OPERATORS
female chrome domes
There is a new wave of women
among us, bold and fiery-hot, these
are babes who dare to bare. But it
ain´t the usual, lame exposures; these
ladies are liberating their locks and
displaying their domes. Partial nudity
of the cranium is on the rise and is
causing quite a stir. Chicks are sick
of being told how to wear their hair
and are going it alone, these sisters
are doing it for themselves. The usual
baldies; lesbians and strung out pop
starlets have been reinforced by a
fresh batch of recruits. These balding
birds are banding together in a scary
but weirdly sexy scalped sisterhood.
Whose next, ya momma?
20
21
21
- I LOVE IT, MY NO-HAIR
BROUGHT US ALL TOGETHER - The last doc, Docteur Le Gineaux, was a real stuffy,
uptight old geezer, a bit smelly, grumpy and arrogant, just
the way the villagers liked him. It was a shock when I clip
clopped up Rue De Gaulle in my high heels and an outfit that
would have pushed the sexy-boat out even in Paris. No one
came near me in the first few weeks, I knew if this kept up
they’d all die off within a winter or two. I reckon the women
hated me and detested the way their husbands were gagging
for a good bout of prostrate checking. I had to do something
and fast. The first morning I walked down to the boulangerie
with my new do, some just stared, some whispered and other
bastards laughed and pointed. Within a day or two, though,
most of the frosty bitches had thawed out and were actually
pretty nice. Not so threatened anymore, they didn’t stop their
husbands from coming to the surgery. Funnily enough my
haircut seemed to have cured many of them without needing
to see me. Still, it’s all good now, I’m just another quirky
part of a very weird little hamlet, hardly anything to raise an
eyebrow at..….hhhhmmm, eyebrows, I hardly still need those,
do I? -
22
NOW MOST OF THE FROSTY BITCHES HAVE THAWED OUT
23
- I am kinda like a nature spirit. I mean, on an astral
level, I’m really really in tune with Pacha Mama, Mother Earth.
I mean, if you can’t whirl naked about the garden, twirling
flowers in your hair and howling like a she-wolf, how will you
ever get in touch with who you really are? Come on sisters, feel
it! Your wombs are, like, the cradle of mankind or something.
The feminine energy of the universe courses through your loins.
Ooooohh, feel it. I like to lie out on the grass, under the sky and
feel it in the sunshine. Sometimes I feel it on the bus or in the
bath - come on my fertility goddess sisters, we need to, like, take
the power back …… and stuff. I shaved the top of my head to
connect with my energy more. It opens up my Crown Chakra to
- IT IS MY BODY, MY HAIR
AND MY CHOICE the swirling, cosmic Tao. My husband really loves my hairstyle
and finds my lack of inhibition a huge turn on. I sometimes paint
flowers and faeries on my head before gardening. You should
see it when the butterflies and bees come, drawn to my mother
essence. They flutter and buzz around my head, the vibrations
of their wings making me really feel it again, then my husband
sees me connect, it gets him going and he begins to feel it too.
It’s like, this is who I am, and always have been down through
the ages, woman, goddess, nymph……. Oh my God here cums
a bumblebee, Ooooooohh, mmmmmmff. -
24
IT OPENS UP MY CROWN CHAKRA
TO THE FEMALE ENERGY OF THE UNIVERSE
25
- My head-show has done so much for my career.
Sometimes in a high-pressure business situation I tuck my chin in
towards my chest, so the top of my head faces the person I’m
trying to dominate, and then I just charge them. People find it
really unnerving. When I reach them I stop really fast and raise
my face again and make extremely intense eye contact without
saying anything for a few seconds. Then I tell them exactly
what they can do for me. Usually it gives me an edge but I
have to be careful to memorise where the office furniture is
- I USED MY LOOKS TO CLIMB
THE CORPORATE LADDER first. It kinda loses its impact when you fall over a filing cabinet,
accidentally head-butt a wall or go straight out through a glass
door. Once done properly though it’s a super effective move.
If I feel the department I lead isn’t working hard enough, I’ll
stomp around the hallways in my charge position, breathing
heavily and snorting ferociously. People don’t tend to spend
as much time chatting around the water cooler anymore and
productivity is up. My superiors didn’t know how to deal with
my new tactic and called me in for a chat. I stood in the charge
position, breathing like a bull for the whole meeting and left
the office with a promotion. I’d like to tell other women not to
be afraid to use their head at work.
26
I HAVE BECOME A SYMBOL OF EMBALDENED EMPOWERMENT
27
hiVgi
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always
Crumpler
r.
e
n
in
w
ve
u home.
ays the lo
s takes yo
y
lw
a
a
lw
re
a
a
d
u
n
ze r
pler yo
dores a
ed – yr da
ll
fi
r
With Crum s cares, always a
ta
s
ce and
ay
ights are
ky roman
c
ti
listens, alw nd delicate – yr n
s
y
p
p
say, “Oh
slo
et a
nees and
oment of
k
m
e
l
Sloppy w
th
ia
c
t
e
a
p
d
en
r me –
d in a s
pler will b
at freak fo itment
m
e
ru
tr
sunny. An
C
d
r
te
y
a
,
bumps
honey co
un comm
stomach
re the only this ain’t no shotg ler can’t get it
a
u
o
y
–
r Crump
my lovely
me!” And
one day y Crumplerland
tta marry
if
o
g
o
t
S
s
.
ju
fe
li
u
to
yo
for
ber
le holiday
mpler it is
it on a litt
art and lim .com
d
m
– with Cru
n
s
e
,
s
g
t
n
s
o
ju
tr
g
s
a
t,
e
it
rb
fr
e
u
o
ak
up, don’t
w.marryy
s hand, m
w
it
w
ld
it
o
is
h
v
l
’l
–
where we
ck to you
ve.
send it ba bout yr bag bag lo
d
n
a
in
a
a
ag
s
u
ll
it and te
to comm
Nature
When you were a kid, did you climb trees and use your thighs to grip
the branches as you thrust your pelvis for a better grasp? Would you
have delighted in exploring the dark and private recesses of this tree’s
orifice? Perhaps adoreabormist longings lurk within all of us...
Back to
hila-arborealism is best described
as a love of trees so intense that the person, and the tree in
question, allows their emotions to be brought to a full and physical
expression of love, (yeah, FULL and PHYSICAL!). There is a growing
trend among these ‘tree lovers’ to claim particular parks and ‘patches’ as
their own, including other people’s gardens, prompting fearful reactions,
people covering their trees with huge latex sheaths, parents no longer
allowing their teenagers to hang out in parks, jealous wives chopping
trees down, it’s all getting out of hand. (cont.)
30
31
“I saw him each day as I went through the park. I exposed myself
to him from the bushes and made my sexiest faces. He didn’t
care and that just made me hotter. My friends say he’s a real
bastard, but maybe I can change him?” - Janice, unemployed.
hotter
“just made me
”
We wanted to know what motivates
these freaky flora fondling tendencies
and spoke to leading sexual health
psychologist Dr. Phil T. Thing,
who had this to say:
“Phila-arborealism or tree screwing
isn’t some new menace or perversion,
it’s a lifestyle choice - don’t condemn
what you haven’t tried. I’d consider
myself to be a trysexual, I’ll try
anything sexual. (cont.)
32
33
tears
“I burst into
”
You should open your mind and
pants. There are some really great
virgin trees left untapped in the
People’s Park in the city centre.”
Here are some facts to help you get
out there: Most female treelovers
tend to be mahogonous, opting to
go for one large hardwood,
whereas the males seem content
to work their way steadily
through the forest.” (cont.)
34
“One day I walked into a clearing and saw someone
making love to a tree. It was so tender and intimate.
I immediately burst into tears and knew myself for
what I really was. I like Scott but he may yet get
the axe.” - Phil, Forester
35
“I see a lot of them along my route.
I just let myself go, running up and
taking partner after partner. After
spending some time curled up, limp
and spent by their roots, I continue
my deliveries, sore but satisfied.”
- Ben, Postal Worker
satisfied”
“sore but
The Risks:
We’ve seen a few cases of aphid
infestation, which had to be treated
with a pesticidal shampoo, and a lot of
fall-related broken bones. Most
injuries fall into the category of acute
chafing, which can be treated with
antiseptic creams. The risk of
pregnancy among women with
arboreal partners is thought to be very
low, with no cases yet confirmed.
36
37
e and tree
tree and me,
i love you, i love you
can you see?
M
e are together
hours and hours,
no matter if it is sunny
no matter if it showers.
W
ou are all to me
that my ex is not,
tall, dark and silent
t’ is why i love u a lot.
Y
ords are senseless
talk is cheap,
the love that we share,
t’ is deep, deep, deep.
W
e and tree
tree and me,
i love you, i love you
can you see?
M
t
u
o
s
n
e
ck
i
h
c
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Do it safe, do
LAPTOP SLINGS
SERIOUS
BACKPACKS
SLEEVES
POUCHES
4-15
16-23
24-35
36-47
48-57
rumpler.
it sexy, do it C
www.crumpler.eu
Colours
-001
DULL BLACK /
DK. NAVY
-002
FIREBRICK RED /
OATMEAL
Slippy
Size
(wxhxd)
FITS 12´´, 13´´ and 14´´
BAG EXTERNAL 28x34x17 cm
LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 25x33.5x4.5 cm
Fish
Let them go around with their short, squat laptop bags. You’re a cut above the
rest with your tall, slim catwalk beauty. Elegant and evolved, with enough poise
to kill, you steal the show making them feel like the plankton they are. Glide
Features
-003
OFF WHITE /
LT. OLIVE
-004
SILVER /
NAVY
predatorily through the room as they part in deference to your sleek superiority.
You are a shark among jellyfish.
Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, Prince Charles protective seal,
padded laptop pouch with velcro closure, front velcro mesh pocket, inside organiser with 5 slip pockets, 3 pen slots and 1 zip pocket, 3 front
inside slip pockets, Love Handles for pouch attachment, integrated back padding, adjustable shoulder strap with adjustable and removable
shoulder pad, clip and velcro fastened main flap
1
2
3
4
4
Fits your laptop and much more.
Removable padded shoulder pad & integrated back padding.
Love handles for pouch attachment.
Front zip pocket for accessories.
5
FishySlip
Size
Colours
-001
DULL BLACK /
COOL DK. GREY
-002
DK. FOREST /
DK. OLIVE
-003
BLOOD RED /
CHARCOAL
-004
DK. MOUSE GREY /
DK. RED
(wxhxd)
FITS 12´´, 13´´ and 14´´
LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 33x23x3 cm
Suspicions aroused, you know that they’re up to something, with their nods and
winks and that secret language they mutter under their breaths. They go quiet
when you enter the room, but you’ll catch them. They’ll slip up sooner or later
and you’ll be there to see it happen. You make sure to keep notes of it all on your
MacBook. You smell their fear, they know that you’re a relentless hunter and that
you’ll be waiting, waiting, interminably waiting.
Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, Prince Charles
protective seal, padded removable laptop pouch with velcro closure, front velcro mesh pocket, inside organiser with 5 slip pockets,
3 pen slots and 1 zip pocket, 3 front inside slip pockets, Love Handles for pouch attachment, integrated back padding, adjustable
shoulder strap with adjustable and removable shoulder pad, Quick Flick buckle, 3rd leg stabiliser, clip and velcro fastened main flap
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
6
Fits your laptop plus documents and accessories.
Front zip pocket for small stuff.
Inside organiser with velcro and mesh pockets.
Removable and padded laptop pouch.
Shoulder strap with shoulder pad and 3rd leg stabiliser.
Adjustable shoulder strap with Quick Flick buckle.
7
Colours
CheesyDisco
Size
(wxhxd)
FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´ & 15’’w
BAG EXTERNAL 42.5x30.5x14.5 cm
-007
DEEP BLACK /
BLUE BLACK
-008
WARM OATMEAL /
ESPRESSO
-009
RED /
GREY WHITE
LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 35.5x27.5x4 cm
For all you folks who like to frequent those classic establishments, you know,
the ones with the disco balls, carpeted floors and 46-year-old D.J.s who pump
out Hoff hits all night long, this bag is too cool for you. We don’t normally like to
exclude anyone from buying our bags but seriously you’re dragging our image
down. If you have to use this bag, at least wrap it in brown paper while on the
streets. You know who you are.
Features
-010
WHITE GREY /
DK. RED
-011
WASHED DK. GREY /
GREEN YELLOW
-012
SEEDED MUSTARD /
NAVY
Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, adjustable shoulder strap with
Quick Flick™ buckle and adjustable and removable shoulder pad with third leg stabiliser, integrated back padding, Prince Charles protective
seal, front zip pocket with built in organizer with 4 slip pockets and 3 pen holders, padded laptop sleeve with 3 expanding velcro pockets,
removable padded laptop pouch, 3 inside slip pockets, clip and velcro fastened main flap, Love Handles for pouch and accessory attachment
8
1
2
3
4
5
Removable laptop pouch.
Third leg stabiliser & integrated back padding.
Front organiser with pockets and penholders.
9
StickyDate
Size
Colours
-007
DULL BLACK /
COOL DK. GREY
-008
ESPRESSO /
WARM GREY
-009
COLD OATMEAL /
DK. NAVY
-011
DULL BLACK /
PUMPKIN ORANGE
-012
DK. FOREST /
LT. GREY
(wxhxd)
FITS 12’’, 13”, 14’’, 15’’, 15’’w & 17’’w
BAG EXTERNAL 49x32.5x18 cm
What’s a Sticky Date?
It could be a sweet dried fruit, still attached to the twig from
which it grew... it could also mean going out on a dinner-date
with a woman - her husband, who likes to watch - sits at the
table with you. Or it could be a nubian sex bomb covered in
honey for you to lick off...
You choose!
Features
-010
ROADKILL RED /
WASHED NAVY
Quick Flick™ buckle and adjustable and removable shoulder pad with third leg stabiliser, integrated back padding, Prince Charles protective
seal, front zip pocket with built in organizer with 4 slip pockets and 3 pen holders, padded laptop sleeve with 3 expanding velcro pockets,
removable padded laptop pouch, 3 inside slip pockets, clip and velcro fastened main flap, Love Handles for pouch and accessory attachment.
10
1
2
3
4
5
Third leg stabiliser & integrated back padding.
11
Colours
-001
DULL BLACK
-002
OATMEAL
Cheesy
Cheesytina
Tina
Size
(wxhxd)
FITS 12´´, 13´´ 14´´, 15´´ & 15´´w
BAG EXTERNAL 42x32x14.5 cm
LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 35x27.5x4 cm
She ain’t no hag-bag. This high specs, Chicken Tex glam bag is strictly for
the chic chick. How the boys will stare as the strap bisects your bosom´s
canyon, really making the most of your quivering mounds of femininity.
Down the street you’ll stride, your chin upraised in that ‘too good for you’
look. Go ahead, you deserve to bask smugly in your unblemished
perfection… (stuck up bitch).
Features
-003
WASHED DK. GREY
-004
BORDEAUX RED
Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, adjustable shoulder
strap with adjustable and romovable shoulder pad, Prince Charles protective seal, padded laptop compartment and removable
padded laptop sleeve, front zip pocket with built-in front organiser with pockets and pen holders, super integrated Third Base
handle, clip fastened flap
12
1
2
3
4
5
6
Takes your laptop and so much more.
Much much more.
Removable shoulder pad.
Front organiser with many pockets & penholders.
Super integrated Third Base handle.
13
SuperBoomer
Size
(wxhxd)
Colours
size L
size L
FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´ & 15´´w
LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 36x25x3.2 cm
size XL
FITS 15´´, 15´´ w & 17´´w
BAG EXTERNAL 46.5x32x14.5 cm
LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 39.7x26.5x3.5 cm
-001
GREY BLACK /
MUSTARD
-002
RED /
SILVER
-003
DK. MOUSE GREY /
GREEN BROWN
-002
GREY BLACK /
SILVER
-003
OATMEAL /
GREY BLACK
You may want to reconsider wearing the Super Boomer in front of an
unsuspecting public. It could lead to a total annihilation of their sense of
self. The world that they have carefully crafted around themselves could
come crashing down. How could their simple minds process this, what
size XL
category could they put an experience like this into? The power to
deploy a Super Boomer must never be abused or taken lightly.
Features
-001
BLACK OLIVE /
SILVER
shoulder pad, integrated Third Base handle, Prince Charles protective seal, fully padded laptop pouch with velcro closure, 2 zip mesh pockets,
2 zip pockets and 5 slip pockets, dual snap buckles and velcro closed main flap
1
2
3
4
14
Front zip pocket for easy access.
Takes your laptop & a lot of other stuff.
Padded laptop pouch with velcro closure.
Super integrated Third Base handle.
15
Serious
Pro bags for serious freaksters,
these’ll turn the heads of your
soon to be inferiors. Ha!
Colours
-001
BLACK /
DK. GREY
-002
DK. BROWN /
DK. ORANGE
Ugly
Size
(wxhxd)
Divorce
FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´ & 15’’w
It wasn’t pretty, but you got it all! You’ve weathered the storm and came out the
other side with this leather-clad beauty draped across your shoulder. Ditch your
mortgage and buy yourself a party boat, it’s all smooth sailing from here on. Clear
the decks and batten down the hatches for some serious partying. Let those other
Features
-003
DK. RED /
WHITE
-004
OFF WHITE /
DK. GREEN
suckers show up at the office. With a few lazy clicks on your keyboard you work
from your cockpit, surrounded by everything you could possibly desire.
Crumpler’s super soft and strong Holycow Real Leather combined with Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory
fabric and flashy inner lining, adjustable shoulder strap and matching shoulder pad, intergrated back padding and handle, Prince Charles
protective seal, front zip pocket with built in organizer, padded protective laptop pouch, inside slip pockets, magnet fastened main flap, shiny
metal badge on flap, Love Handles for pouch and accessory attachment
1
2
3
4
18
Space for your laptop, documents, accessories etc.
Shiny metal badge on flap.
Super soft and strong Holycow Real Leather.
19
Righthand
Colours
RIGHTHAND
-001
DULL BLACK /
DK. GREY LEATHER
-002
FIREBRICK RED /
DK. RED LEATHER
-003
OATMEAL /
DK. BROWN LEATHER
Size
(wxhxd)
& Beancounter
RIGHTHAND
FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´ & 15´´w
For all the pinstripe, pencil pushing, poindexters who were getting
stroppy about our strappies, here are some bags even you can
handle! You can go from geek to freak and have the sexiest sack in
the office. Your new cred will make you the boardroom bucko.
BEANCOUNTER
BEANCOUNTER
FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´, 15´´w & 17´´w
BAG EXTERNAL 46x34.5x14.8 cm
You’ll be a Jimmy Deanie, big, bad, meanie bullying their fashion
sensibilities. The Righthand’ll make ya look so good you’ll be
immediately promoted to your boss’ chief monkey. The Beancounter
will come in handy for smuggling out all those office supplies which
you so regularly steal. Pilfer on, pilfer on.
Features
-001
DULL BLACK /
LT. BROWN LEATHER
-002
DK. MOUSE GREY /
BLACK LEATHER
-003
BLACK OLIVE /
DK. ORANGE LEATHER
Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric in combination with Holycow Real leather, waterproof
Ripstop Lining, padded laptop pouch with velcro closure, front organiser with pockets and pen holders, magazine slip pocket with
velcro on backside, internal slip pockets with velcro closure, 3 mesh zip pockets in the flap, padded back, adjustable shoulder strap
with Quick Flick™ buckle, adjustable and removable shoulder pad, Holycow Real Leather handle, super strong zip to close flap, Love
Handle for pouch attachment, external zip pocket for accessories
1
2
3
4
20
Super organisation - lots of zip and mesh pockets.
Padded laptop compartment with velcro closure.
Magazine slip pocket and back padding.
Chicken Tex Supreme™ combined with Holycow Real Leather parts.
21
Dick Casey
Size
(wxhxd)
FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´, 15´´w & 17´´w
LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 26.5x40x3 cm
Laptop Trolley
Colours
The Dick Casey Laptop Trolley is one tough nut; capable of
cracking any case that comes his way. If your cover’s blown and
you need to get out of town Dick’s the one you need to call. With a
little bit of action packing he’ll have everything squared away. Write
him off as a business expense and stick him in the overheads.
Features
-001
DULL BLACK /
SILVER
-002
STEEL GREY /
BLACK
-003
FIREBRICK RED /
OFF WHITE
-004
SOIL BROWN /
ORANGE
1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, external extra strong zip with
lock eyelets, high quality skate wheels, scrape resistant tarpaulin protection between the wheels, extra edge protection on high
impact corners, soft handle on the side and on the top, aluminum telescopic T-shaped handle, stud and handle combination on the
bottom for lifting and standing up straight, 2 large front zip pockets, padded internal laptop compartment with removable laptop
pouch with pen holders and pockets, removable organiser flap with zip pockets for travel documents, clothes compression strap,
additional removable pouch with zip for small accessories
22
1 Large front zip pockets for easy access.
2 Aluminium telescopic T-shaped handle.
3 Scrape resistant tarpaulin protection and
edge protection on high impact corners.
4 Takes your laptop, clothes, documents,
cables, accessories and much more.
5 Push button to release telescopic handle.
6 Removable padded laptop pouch.
7 High quality skate wheels.
8 Soft handle on the side.
23
Backpacks
Paco de Backs
designed these exclusive
thief proof backhuggers, now
you can mind your own savings,
forget the bloody banks.
Colours
-001
BLACK OLIVE /
LT. OLIVE
-002
SILVER OATMEAL /
GREY BLACK
DarkSide
Size
(wxhxd)
FITS 12”, 13”, 14”, 15”, 15”w & 17”w
LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 26x40x4 cm
4 Ways to Reveal Your Dark Side:
• Donate apple-juice bottles that you’ve filled with wee to a local charity.
• Confuse old people at a retirement home by pretending to be their child.
• Munch candies all the way through a weight-loss group’s meeting.
• Slip your shoulders through the Dark Side’s straps and terrorise your
neighbourhood with your wicked looks.
-003
DK. RED /
BLOOD RED
-004
DULL BLACK /
LT. GREY
Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, weasel-proof padded removable
laptop pouch, large main compartment with hinge opening for easy access, side pocket with iPod/e-gadget holder, organiser with pen holders,
zip mesh pocket and magazine sized slip pocket, 2 internal mesh pockets, super strong shoulder straps
26
1
2
3
4
5
Weasel-proof laptop compartment.
Removable padded laptop pouch with handle.
Super strong shoulder straps.
Organiser with penholders, zip mesh pocket and A4 slip pocket.
Side pocket for mp3 player or mobile phone.
27
theBelly
Size
(wxhxd)
size L
FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´ & 15´´
Colours
size L
-001
DEEP BLACK /
LT. YELLOW
-002
BLACK OLIVE /
CLEAR RED
-003
NAVY /
JEANS BLUE
-004
GOLDEN ORANGE /
WHITE GREY
-002
GRAVEL GREY /
GREEN YELLOW
-003
LT. ARMY GREEN /
DK. GREEN YELLOW
-004
FIREBRICK RED /
BLOOD RED
Cavernous and curvaceous but cuddly, the Belly can take a right good
size XL
FITS 15´´, 15´´w & 17´´w
filling. Never mind the posh nosh, just stuff it with your indispensables ‘till
buttons. The way to your hearty is surely through our Belly. So, never mind
LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 27.7x40.5x4.5 cm
it bulges obscenely. Forget innies and outies, this Belly is too zippy for
those stick insects and strap an xtra Belly on your back.
Features
size XL
-001
DEEP BLACK /
LT. GREEN GREY
Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, weasel-proof padded
laptop compartment with removable pouch, large main compartment with front opening for easy access, 2 side pockets with
internal mesh organisers, super strong shoulder straps with 2 loops for pouch attachment and adjustable and removable sliding
chest strap for fine adjustment, Dr. Bodenschatz back hugger, organiser in main compartment with zip pockets, document sleeve
and pen holders, 2 external side loops for pouch attachment
28
1 Shoulder pads with adjustable and
removable sliding chest strap.
2 Easy access main compartment in front.
3 Side pockets with mesh organisers.
4 Removable laptop pouch.
5 Organiser with pockets, penholders
and document sleeve.
6 Love handles for pouch attachment.
7 Dr. Bodenschatz back hugger.
29
Colours
Features
-001
WHITE GREY /
ORANGE
PrettyBoy
Size
(wxhxd)
FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´, 15´´w & 17´´w
LOWER COMPARTMENT
FITS computer hard drives and
accessories or 1 SLR with 4 lenses
and accessories
-002
BLOOD RED /
SILVER
-003
DULL BLACK /
ORANGE
-004
BLACK OLIVE /
BEIGE
Extra Large
Unlike its lil bruvva, the Pretty Boy Extra Large can now cater for
even the biggest egos. Yes, you can now trek through the urban
jungle, your parrot Kevin screeching ‘Who’s a pretty boy then?’
raucously on your chipped shoulder. Tease open the zipper, get
out your camera and lap-comp and while posing on a park bench
snap some pictures of your lovely mug. Stick ‘em on your mobile
LOWER COMPARTMENT INTERNAL 32x15.5x15 cm
computer. Display your image to passers-by, brightening their
dullard lives.
1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, padded lower compartment
for IT accessories or photo equipment with internal removable dividers, upper compartment for travel gear, Trapdoor with zip to join
both parts, padded laptop pouch, hidden front zip pocket, easy access velcro shut side pocket for mp3 player or mobile phone, side
loop for pouch or lenscase attachment, 2 internal organisers, light weight padded back protection, comfy adjustable shoulder straps
1
2
3
4
5
6
30
Padded lower part for computer and camera accessories.
Upper compartment for travel gear and laptop.
Easy access velcro pocket for mobile phone, mp3 player etc.
Lightweight padded back protection.
Love handles on shoulder straps for pouch attachment...
...and on side of the backpack.
31
Warm
Shower
Royal Court
Opulent Rooster
Features
1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, padded laptop sleeve with Weasel Proof
opening, lower part with padded pouch for storage of computer gear and accessories or photo equipment with adjustable and removable
dividers, upper part for all other travelling and/or work gear with internal pockets for more organization, Trapdoor with zip to join both parts,
Shirt Lifter front organiser, 2 easy access padded wing pockets for mp3 player, compact camera, etc. lined with super soft Slippertex™
microfibre for extra protection, super comfy Dr. Bodenschatz back hugger which makes light work of heavy loads, super strong shoulder
straps with 2 loops for pouch attachment and an adjustable and removable sliding chest strap
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
Shirt Lifter front organiser.
Upper compartment for travel or work gear.
Internal pockets and penholders for more organisation.
Fully removable padded pouch in lower part.
Dr. Bodenschatz back hugger.
Padded laptop sleeve with Weasel Proof opening.
Shoulder straps with removable sliding chest strap.
Easy access padded wing pockets.
Optional waist belt with concealed passport pocket and loops for pouch attachment.
Each backpack is ideal for the international smuggler who likes to pose as an IT VIP or a snap-happy voyeur. With so
many little covert compartments and secret sections we guarantee that the most zealous, full-body-cavity search inclined
customs officer will give up before finding your goods. The Warm Shower is the perfect vessel for small merchandise,
perhaps a little illicit ice. Further your smuggling career by networking with the Royal Court or live a life of luxury as Pirate
32
King of Smugglers’ Cove with the Opulent Rooster.
33
Size
Warm Shower
(wxhxd)
(wxhxd)
Medium size
Size
(wxhxd)
FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´ and most 15´´ & 15´´w
LOWER COMPARTMENT
FITS computer hard drives, cables
& accessories or 1 camera body
plus up to 4 lenses
Colours
BAG EXTERNAL 33.5x48x22 cm
LOWER COMPARTMENT INTERNAL 31x16.5x17 cm
Royal Court
Large size
-001
FIREBRICK RED /
WHITE ENAMEL
-002
STONE GREY /
SAND
-003
LT. ARMY GREEN /
DK. GREEN YELLOW
-004
DEEP BLACK /
LT. BLUE
-001
FIREBRICK RED /
BLOOD RED
-002
CHARCOAL /
DK. MOUSE GREY
-003
DEEP BLACK /
LT. ARMY GREEN
-004
BLACK OLIVE /
COOL GREY
-001
DEEP BLACK /
DK. MOUSE GREY
-002
NAVY /
CARROT
-003
CHARCOAL /
DK. OLIVE
-004
GRAVEL GREY /
ORANGE
FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´, 15´´w
LOWER COMPARTMENT
& accessories or 2 camera bodies
plus up to 4 lenses
EXTRA FEATURE
LOWER COMPARTMENT INTERNAL 32x17x17 cm
fixture for optional waist belt
EXTRA FEATURES
fixture for optional waist belt
Opulent Rooster
Extra Large size
FITS 12´´, 13´´, 14´´, 15´´, 15´´w & 17´´w
LOWER COMPARTMENT
& accessories or 2 camera bodies
plus 4 lenses & accessories
LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 28x40.5x4.5 cm
34
EXTRA FEATURES
LOWER COMPARTMENT INTERNAL 34x19x18 cm
fixture for optional waist belt, extra external pocket,
EXTRA FEATURES
2 extra internal mesh pockets, 2 external side loops for
fixture for optional waist belt; extra external pocket;
further pouch attachment
two extra internal mesh pockets; 2 external side loops for
35
Sleeves
Even though you enjoy keying
other people’s cars, you want your
life ‘n laptop scratch free so take a
sleeve and carry on.
Colours
-005
SILVER
Sizes
-006
RED
-007
BROWN
-008
BLACK
(wxhxd)
the GIMP 12´´
FITS 12´´ iBook,
Powerbook & standard 12´´
Sex up your lap-friend by slipping it into this neoprene cat-suit. This product comes with instructions on how to sweet-talk
the GIMP 13´´
FITS 13´´ MacBook
INTERNAL 32.5x22.7x2.8 cm
INTERNAL 28x23x3 cm
the GIMP 15´´
FITS nearly all
standard 15´´
Features
INTERNAL 33.5x28x4 cm
theGimp
the GIMP 14´´
FITS 14´´ iBook
& standard 14´´
INTERNAL 31.5x25x3.4 cm
the GIMP 15´´w
FITS 15´´ MacBook Pro,
PowerBook
& standard 15´´w
the GIMP 17´´w
FITS 17´´w MacBook Pro,
Powerbook
your laptop into wearing it. Tell it that it’s unhealthy to repress your sexual desires, that the Gimp will help you both feel
sexy and that if it really loves you it will wear it.
INTERNAL 37x26.5x3 cm
Super soft, super stretchy, super shiny neoprene; strong zip for super strong closing, special zip protection to keep the laptop from
scratching; flexible sizing to fit more laptops now and tomorrow; elastic loops for in-pouch working
1 Perfect fitting for many laptop models.
2 Elastic loops for in-pouch use of laptop.
3 Special zip protection.
38
39
The
leRoyale
Leather
Make those lowly serfs bow down, as You carry this commanding case wherever You wish to go. Symbol of Your
aristocratic affluence, the le Royale is gratifying to Your hedonistic, high-living ways. Its luxurious richness dignifies
Your majestic airs. Who dares meet Your eyes as You parade through Your kingdom, head held regally in the manner
of One born to rule. Resplendent sovereign we only wish to humbly serve You.
Colours
-001
DK. BROWN /
DK. ORANGE
Size
-002
OFF-WHITE /
DK. GREEN
-003
DK. RED /
WHITE
-004
BLACK /
DK. GREY
(wxhxd)
the le ROYALE 13´´
FITS 13´´ MacBook
the le ROYALE 15´´w
FITS 15´´w MacBook Pro
the le ROYALE 17´´w
Features
Crumpler’s super soft and strong Holycow Real Leather combined with waterproof Ripstop Lining, protective internal padding, soft internal
leather zip cover for easy and safe opening and closing, shiny metal badge, strong zip closing
1
2
3
4
40
Perfect fit for your MacBook or MacBook Pro.
Shiny metal badge.
Leather zip cover for safe and easy opening and closing.
Super soft and strong Holycow Real Leather.
41
Colours
-001
DK. BROWN /
CREAM
-002
BLACK /
DK. GREY
HardSuit
For those who are likely to take a few hard knocks and want an extra bit of protection, get a Hard Suit on your side. Tough and
ruggedly handsome, this strongbox will protect your vitals from even the roughest handling. With this muscular minder watching
Size
-003
DK. DENIM /
SILVER GREY
-004
DK. GREY /
LT. ORANGE
(wxhxd)
HARD SUIT 13´´
FITS 13´´ MacBook
HARD SUIT 15´´w
HARD SUIT 17´´w
Features
your back you can get into as much trouble as you like. So with your Hard Suit, go throw eggs at the biggest doormen you can find.
They will cower like frightened cattle while you laugh maniacally.
Rooster Tex™ hyper performance accessory fabric on Turtleshell Construction with super protection hard shell and additional internal foam
shell for extra protection of your laptop, snuggle-soft lining inside, extra big zip with 2 zip pullers, contrasting big logo embroidery
42
1 Perfect fit and solid protection for your MacBook or MacBook Pro.
2 Extra big zip with 2 zip pullers.
3 Hard shell frame for maximum edge protection of laptop.
43
Boomer
Size
(wxhxd)
size M
FITS 13´´ & A4 documents
BAG EXTERNAL 38x29.5x7.7 cm
Colours
You’ll explode on the scene with this bombastic bag sending shockwaves
through the stunned masses. Many will fall casualty to whiplash as they’re heads
-001
GREY BLACK /
CHARCOAL
-002
SILVER /
GRAVEL GREY
-003
BLACK OLIVE /
GOLDEN ORANGE
-004
LIME YELLOW /
MUSTARD
are dragged into your vortex of decentness. ‘How did this happen?’ they’ll wail,
size L
FITS 13´´, 14´´, 15´´ & 15´´w
‘We thought we were the ones’. Fools! Don’t they know that their flimsy fads
can’t stand up against the Boomer. I guess they couldn’t have seen it coming.
BAG EXTERNAL 42.5x30.5x10.5 cm
size XL
FITS 15´´, 15´´w & Apple 17´´w
BAG EXTERNAL 44.5x31x10.5 cm
LAPTOP POUCH INTERNAL 38.8x27x3.5 cm
Features
Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, adjustable shoulder
strap, super integrated Third Base handle, Prince Charles Protective Seal, large front slip pocket, fully padded laptop pouch, internal
mesh pocket, velcro flap closure
1 Padded laptop compartment.
2 Super integrated Third Base handle.
3 Fits your laptop plus documents and accessories.
44
45
the Slip
The Slip’s material is sooo sensuous that it would
Sizes
colour of all sizes is SILVER GREY
the 12´´ SLIP
26.8x19.7 cm
the 13´´ SLIP
29.5x19.8 cm
the 14´´ SLIP
28.7x21.4 cm
be worth buying a hundred or two which you could
stitch together to fashion a pair of silky pyjamas and
some bedsheets. Slipping and sliding around your
the 15´´ SLIP
30.6x23 cm
bed in a hazy rapture, you won’t regret your indulgent
purchasing. For those of you who find it difficult to
connect with your latent, natural sexuality, just buy
the 15´´w SLIP
33.5x20.8 cm
one and keep it between your keyboard and screen,
Features
stroking it occasionally when nobody’s watching.
the 17´´w SLIP
36.7x22.8 cm
100% Slippertex™ microfibre accessory fabric; cleans your screen, protects your screen form scratches and keyboard marks
and serves as a portable mousepad
1
2
3
4
46
Protects screen from scratches, dirt and keybord marks.
Put it on your keyboard when the laptop is not in use.
Cleans your screen.
Serves as mousepad.
47
Pouches
Look at your precious little
gadget babies, cuddle them up
in our little pouchies. So cute!
Colours
-004
SILVER
Size
-005
RED
-006
BLACK
-007
BROWN
P.P.
the
Oh grow up, it stands for ‘Pocket Pouch’! Stop laughing, I mean it, this is a serious product. Really…. o.k. fine, we’ll see
who’s laughing when your new mp3 player is covered in sticky black banana and the screen on your phone is scratched,
maybe broken. I hope your keys are in the same pocket and maybe some fire. We’ll see who’s laughing then, jerk.
(wxhxd)
size 40
FITS small mobile phones
& digital cameras
INTERNAL 6x9.5x2.5 cm
size 45
FITS small mobile
phones & digital
cameras, iPod nano
size 55
FITS mobile phones
& digital cameras
size 70
FITS mobile phones
& digital cameras, iPod
Features
size 90
FITS mobile phones,
digital cameras,
iPod with ear phones
Super soft, super stretchy, super shiny neoprene; strong zip for super strong seal and long life, special internal zip protection
to keep your digi gear from scratching; internal mesh pocket for flash cards, ear phones or other small accessories
1 Space for mobile phone plus small accessories to go into mesh pocket.
2 Fits iPod and stores your earphones nicely in mesh pocket.
3 Internal zip protection to keep your digi gear from scratching.
50
51
John
Thursday
Our man John did such a good job designing this pouch one Thursday that the boys upstairs agreed to name it after
him. O.K., it’s a great product but John is a real dick. He steals other designers’ ideas, taking all the credit and letches
on all the gals in the office. We’re trying to come up with a plan to get him fired, so if you have any ideas that might help
e-mail them to Johngone@crumpler.eu.
YEAH!
Colours
-013
CLEAR RED /
SILVER
Size
-014
BLACK /
TERRACOTTA
-015
MUSTARD /
COOL DK. GREY
-016
BLACK GREY /
WARM GREY
-017
DK. KHAKI /
BLACK OLIVE
(wxhxd)
size 40
FITS small digital cameras,
iPod nano
& other e-gadgets
size 45
FITS small digital cameras
& other e-gadgets
size 55
FITS small digital cameras,
iPod & other e-gadgets
size 70
FITS digital cameras,
small digital camcorders
& other e-gadgets
size 90
FITS digital cameras,
digital camcorders
& other e-gadgets
INTERNAL 6.2x11x3.5 cm
Features
Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, flexible neoprene body, secret
pocket on inside of flap, detachable belt loop, hideable neck strap attachment, neck strap included
1
2
3
4
52
Fits iPod and other e-gadgets.
Secret pocket on inside of flap.
Detachable belt loop.
Hideable neck strap attachment.
53
Colours
-001
DULL BLACK
Size
-002
OATMEAL
-003
WASHED DK. GREY
-004
BORDEAUX RED
theB.B.
Originally the Belt Bitch, this beauty can carry all your crime-fighting utilities. Swoop down, o Caped Avenger and meat
(wxhxd)
out your own justice on the mean streets. Pack it with all the tools of your vigilant trade; the razor-edged boomerang,
size S
FITS money, flash cards,
credit cards, mp3 player
or small digital camera
Features
POUCH INTERNAL 6.7x11x2 cm
size M
credit cards & passport,
mp3 player or medium
sized digital camera
POUCH INTERNAL 7x9.5x3.4 cm
size L
credit cards, passport
& airline ticket, mp3
player or larger digital
camera
POUCH INTERNAL 10x10.5x4 cm
sleeping-gas pellets etc. When you want to slip into Bruce Wayne mode replace your gear with digi cam, wallet, cards,
travel papers and stuff. Nobody will know your secret.
Original 1000d Chicken Tex Supreme™ hyper performance accessory fabric with waterproof Ripstop Lining, padded protective
camera / mp3 player pouch with headphone slot, super strong belt loops, credit card slots, concealed pocket for flash cards, safe
pocket for small items
1
2
3
4
5
6
54
Lots of organisation with padded pouch and pockets.
Padded protective pouch for mp3 player, mobile phone, digi cam etc.
Super strong belt loops.
Concealed pocket for small items.
Large zip pocket with card slots and internal zip pocket.
Hugs comfortably around your waist.
55
Biglittle Thing
Sizes
& Littlebig Thing
the BIGLITTLE THING
FITS iPod Video
the LITTLEBIG THING
FITS iPod Nano
Relax for a minute and stop worrying about size. Everyone claims to
have a BIGlittle thing but we want you to know that it’s o.k. to have a
LITTLEbig thing as well. It really doesn’t matter to everyone.
Colours
-001
DK. BROWN /
LT. BLUE
-002
OFF WHITE /
DK. ORANGE
-003
BLACK /
LT. GREEN
-004
RED /
OFF WHITE
-005
LT. GREEN /
PURPLE
LITTLEbig things combined with the right amount of kissing and
cuddling, maybe some earlobe nibbling can often give more pleasure
than just having a BIGlittle thing. Whether you’re into a small, neat
and skilled ‘nano-package’ or something big enough for those
‘videos’ we’re sure we can fulfill your needs.
Features
-006
CHARCOAL /
BLACK
Super fine and super smooth real leather, soft real leather lining in contrasting colour with embossed logo on inside of flap, contrasting
stitching, magnetic flap closing, cut outs for click-wheel, head phone cable and charger, detachable belt loop with press stud
1
2
3
4
5
6
56
Cut-out for charger...
...for earphone cable...
...and for the click-wheel.
Belt loop can be used to store earphones.
Leather belt loop with press stud - easily detachable.
Belt loop can be used to make iPod stand in pouch.
57
I realized that my Crumpler bag has a Third Leg. Is that normal? Jean, 36, worried.
Yes, that’s our unique extra
strap that keeps your bag right
on the spot you need it at.
When you want to get really
physical and active with your
bag, (maybe on your bike) and
positioning just doesn’t seem
right, get it to use its Third Leg
to better satisfy you. No need
for any more annoying reacharound.
Hey Dr. Thing, My Opulent Rooster is snuggling me so nicely from behind and I’m beginning to like it. Am I gay? Frank, 52 and bi-curious?
I don’t know, but in fact that’s
what we call the Dr. Bodenschatz Backhugger.
The backside of our backpacks
huggs you softly and comfortably and keeps heavy loads
stable and comfortable on your
back.
I’ve got really big ears. Am I precious and beautiful anyhow? Sarah, 30, pleading
Well, I must ask, are your
friends able to shelter from
dust, dirt, water or Corgis beneath their ears? That’s
what Crumpler’s Prince
Charles Protective seal can do.
And that’s why it’s precious
and beautiful. But I guess
you’re quite ok, too - so love
those lugs.
ow can I protect my….
H
ammm…. “best friend”?
Anonymous
The best protection is Slippertex. The super soft microfibre lining inside of the pockets on our
bags keeps all your digi gear
scratch free, nice and happy.
P.S. There’s no shame in worrying about your iPod, camera
and all the digital e-quipment
you’re carrying around – you
don’t have to refer to them as
your “best friend”.
TM
Sometimes I can’t wait and just need to tear into it. How can I always be ready for instant action?
Barbara, 28, insatiable
That’s ok. For this we have
the ultimate solution. The Wing
Pockets on the sides of our
backpacks - you can put small
things like mobile phone, digi
cam or mp3 player in there
and get access to this really
fast without taking down the
backpack.
Is the Quick Flick Buckle really the right
tool if you’re into quick, spontaneous position changes?
Bernard, 28, adventurous
There is nothing better. The
solid Crumpler Quick Flick
Buckle lets you instantly adjust
the position of your sack in
one hand movement and holds
on tight if you want it to.
Somebody was lightly brushing against me yesterday on the bus and I did quiver with excitement but I fear that I’ve lost something... Is it safe to use a Crumpler bag?
Donna, 36 and flushed
Crumpler bags are Weaselproof. This means that while
waiting for a bus or train you
can back it up to any strangers
you want, grinding yourself
against them the way you
know they like it, all the while
safe in the knowledge that
your bag space remains unviolated and nobody can
open your laptop compartment while you’re
wearing the backpack.
I walked in on my John Thursday on top
of my Belly.... Why did you sell me products that would do this?
Trish, 29, betrayed
Our bags like each other...We
have extra loops on our bags
called “Love Handles” which allow to attach small pouches.
When he is wearing a Crumpler
backpack my boyfriend can’t stop fondling his breasts.
Is this normal? ask
Dr. Phil
Emma, 17, jealous
It would be more normal if he
couldn’t stop fondling YOUR
breasts but in this case it’s clearly because of Crumpler’s
Sliding Chest Strap. It’s adjustable for all man-breast-sizes
from A to Double D and holds the
backpack steady. And because
the sliding feels so good, you
can’t keep your hands off. Tip:
Get yourself one and give it a
try.
My mother says tight things are not good for you… high pitch
voices or yeast or something. Is this
true? Thomas, 22, doubting
Not at Crumpler. The lightweight
shock resistant neoprene fabric
wraps tightly around the laptop
and digital gear and provides
it from scratches, hitches and
other trouble. Even your mom
can’t have anything against this.
I love Crumpler’s leather material. It’s so soft and yet good ‘n tough. The colours are amazing and I can’t stop touching it, to run my hand over it, to smell at it...
(Censored - please keep letters
publishable, Ed.) Laura, 31, ready
That’s Crumpler’s Holycow Real
Leather – super soft, shiny, nice
to touch yet durable, long-lasting
and high quality - but please…
steady on!
What’s 3rd Base, I mean I don’t know if I’ve gotten
there yet or not, what exactly do I have to touch and in what way? Peter, 27, lost
Our Third-base Handle is the hidden and nicely integrated
handle on the back of some bags
for quick and smooth grabbing.
You don’t need it - you don’t
see it.
For all the
questions
g
ba
r
ple
Crum
ing to
you’re just dy
ers to
sw
an
e
th
ow
kn
but could not
ask your mum,
ing
Dr. Phil T. Th
can help
T. Thing
I like it softer! What do I need?
Michael, 57, tender
You need a shoulder pad! Crumpler bags
have soft padded shoulder
pads that make carrying them
sooooo comfortable….
I love pouches with
a Detachable Belt Loop. You can
have it when you want it and leave it at home when you’re not in the mood. Am I
afraid of commitment?
Don, 36, single No, we all like to have options.
That’s why the Detachable Belt
Loop’s got a velcro closure to
put your pouch on and off the
belt or on the loops of larger
bags. So you don’t need to take
off your belt and drop your
pants each time you want to
put on or take off your pouch.
You know sometimes I have this dream, it’s so nice, but afterwards everything is wet....
I’m scared I’m not normal…
Norman, 23, cringing
No, don’t worry, you’re fine,
it’s natural and you can relax
‘cause we use waterproof Ripstop Lining which is both
goop and H2O proof.
We have separate bedrooms – my partner wants to change this now. But I won’t... or I will.... I
mean sometimes... most of the
times... but not at all times....
just from time to time....
Josh, 32, in a tizzy
Ok, I think I’ve got it,
one word: Trapdoor. With
Crumpler’s “connecting door”
you can make two backpack
compartments out of one, or
one compartment out of two,
simply by opening or closing
the dividing zipped door. So
you’ve the best of both worlds.
Connecting door! Got the
picture?
My boyfriend wants everything all at once.But I want to show him only a little and make it as exciting as possible. Ruth, 26, titillating
Crumpler’s Shirt Lifter Front
Organiser hits the spot. You
can open it very easily, reaching the inner mesh pockets
without opening the whole bag.
This organiser has lots of zip
pockets, mesh pockets, pen
holders etc. So, lift your bag’s
shirt and be amazed…
I’m torn between making the usual ‘safe bet choice’ or
going for something
more risky. I need some adventure, something exciting and great looking, but also
something that’ll take care of
me. Can I have the best of both
worlds? Eve, 31, confused
TM
Chicken Tex Supreme is what
you need... Crumpler’s own
official, great looking, charming
and daring super high performance 1000d fabric
– water resistant, light weight,
durable and resists tearing - it’ll
thrill you while treating you
right.
Dr. Thing, I like a bit of rough, how can I get it good?
Ed, 33, desperate
You sound like you
need a good Roostering. Rooster Tex looks
smooth and feels good to the
touch but it’s no ordinary
Crumpler Tex. Poke it with your
finger, poke it hard... Oooohh,
extra stiff. Oooohh extra strong
and always hard. Doesn’t mind
those little spills. Oooohh….
Roostertex!
TM
the
Nudex
BIGlittle thing
LITTLEbig thing
P.P.
B. B.
John Thursday
Gimp 12”
Gimp 13”
Super
Boomer
XL
Hard Suit 13”
Hard Suit 17”w
Hard Suit 15”w
Boomer M
Boomer L
Boomer XL
Super Boomer L
Gimp 14”
Gimp 15”
Righthand
Gimp 17”w
Gimp 15”w
Beancounter
Cheesytina
le Royale 13”
le Royale 15”w
le Royale 17”w
Slippy
Fish
Ugly Divorce
Being tight as usual we had to settle with Arnold (1.90m tall) as
our Nudex model. He gibbered and whooped from the moment he came in the
door and immediately went on a mad rampage. He promptly made love to a
coat-stand, took trophy locks of hair from most of the girls in the office
and then briefly laid siege to a bathroom where a few people had hidden
themselves from him. We lured him away with an ice-cream cone and once
we had him stripped down to his pants (he wouldn’t take his helmet off)
he was a natural, dancing to his own crazed beat.
Fishy Slip
Cheesy Disco
Sticky
Date
Dark Side
Pretty Boy
Backpack XL
Belly L
Belly XL
Who says you can’t get good value for 25 bucks?!
Warm Shower
Royal Court
Opulent Rooster
Dick
Casey IT

Features - Wex Photographic

Transcription

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