TCF June 2011

The Compassionate Friends
Northern Virginia and DC Chapters
Arlington, Fairfax, Leesburg, Prince William,
Reston, Virginia and Washington, DC
JUNE 2011
VOLUME 20, NO. 5
The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families in the positive resolution of
grief following the death of a child and to provide information to help others be supportive.
Register Now for the
TCF National Conference
July 15-17, 2011
Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minnesota
Compassionate Friends national conferences have
always been a great healing experience for bereaved
families and TCF’s 34th National Conference, to be
held July 15-17, 2011, in Minneapolis/St. Paul,
Minnesota, will be no exception.
Our members can register for the conference online
or by downloading a conference registration
brochure from the national website. If you don’t have
Internet access, you can call the National Office at
877-969-0010 to be sent the registration brochure.
For full information, visit TCF’s National Website at
www.compassionatefriends.org and click on TCF
2011 National Conference—Minneapolis under
News & Events.
National resource information will appear
in the combined July/August issue of this
newsletter.
Bereaved Parents of the USA
2011 National Gathering
This event will be held July 28-31 in Reston, VA at
the Sheraton Reston Hotel near Dulles
International Airport. For additional information,
go to www.bereavedparentsusa.org.
F ROM THE E DITOR :
The Washington Post recently published a feature article
about “The Sisters of Maine” regarding the two Republican
Senators from that state, Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins.
The lives and careers of these remarkable women were
chronicled in detail. I could not help but note that Senator
Snowe has lived a life drenched in tragedy. She lost her
mother to breast cancer when she was eight years old. Her
father died the following year. She grew up attending
boarding school and spending summers and holidays with a
widowed aunt who was raising five children of her own. Her
first husband, Peter Snowe, was killed in an automobile
accident three years after they were married. Twenty years
later, she married again and became devoted to her stepson,
her husband’s only child. Within two years, her stepson died
suddenly at the age of 20 from an undetected heart
condition. According to the Post article, “his is the one
death that Snowe says still haunts her.”
How astonishing. This accomplished, respected, productive
woman — who has suffered a disproportionate amount of
grief and loss — is most haunted by the loss of her stepson.
I find that incredible. It validates my belief that those of us
who lose a child are called to withstand the most difficult
loss of all.
~Peggi Johnson
Inside this issue:
Calendar and Contacts
2
Fairfax Chapter
3
Arlington Chapter
4
Leesburg Chapter
6
Prince William Chapter
7
Reston Chapter
8
Washington, DC Chapter
9
Our Children Remembered
10
Page 2
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
JUNE 2011 MEETINGS
NEWSLETTER TEAM
Editor
Peggi Johnson
tcfnewsletter@gmail.com
Database Manager
Brenda Sullivan
TCFDBA@hotmail.com
Treasurer
Kent Womack
1013 Riverside Drive
Woodstock, VA 22664
kent_womack@hotmail.com
Reporters
Arlington
Lois Copeland
loiscopeland52@gmail.com
Fairfax
Katy Frank, kmfrank@fcps.edu
District of Columbia
Michelle Lake, malake@hotmail.com
Leesburg
Bridget Elero
bkelero@gmail.com
Prince William
Jennifer Clark
Jennifer.redskins@hotmail.com
Reston
Kathy Grapski, specialkmg@aol.com
Regional Coordinator
Kathy Collins
ccollins211@verizon.net
4505 Rachael Manor Drive
Fairfax, VA 22032
TCF National Headquarters
PO Box 3696
Oak Brook IL 60522-3696
http://www.compassionatefriends.org
(877) 969-0010 (Toll-Free)
Arlington Website
http://www.tcfarlington.org
Webmaster: Mary M.Bell
m.m.bell@verizon.net
Fairfax Website
www.tcffairfax.org
Leesburg Website
http://www.tcfleesburg.org
webmaster@tcfleesburg.org
Prince William Website
http://www.tcfprincewilliam.org
webmaster@tcfprwm.org
June 2011
June 1 (first Wednesdays)
7:30 PM Fairfax Chapter
7:30 PM Leesburg Chapter
June 9(second Thursdays)
7:30 PM Arlington Chapter
June 11 (second Saturdays)
2-4 PM TCF Reston
June 15(third Wednesdays)
7-9 PM Washington DC Chapter
June 16 (third Thursdays)
7:30 PM Prince William Chapter
Arlington Chapter
Contact: Lois Copeland
(301) 530-1115
loiscopeland52@gmail.com
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Kent Womack
1013 Riverside Dr.
Woodstock, VA 22664
Trinity Presbyterian Church
5533 N.16th St
Arlington, VA
Fairfax Chapter
Contact: Carol Marino
Carolmarino1@gmail.com
or Diane Burakow
dkburakow@verizon.net
Chapter Phone:
(703) 622-3639
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Monica Clark
5444 Ladue Lane
Fairfax, VA 22030
Attn: TCF
OLD ST.MARY’S HALL,
next to St. Mary’s Historic
Church and Cemetery
Fairfax Station Rd
and Route 123
Fairfax, VA 22030
Leesburg Chapter
Contact: Bev or Bernie Elero
(540) 882-9707
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Mrs.Anne Shattuck
224 Walnut Ridge Ln.
Palmyra, VA 22963
St. James Episcopal Church
Janney Parlor
14 Cornwall St NW
Leesburg, VA
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Melody Ridgeway
9366 Dahlia Ct.
Manassas, VA 20110
Grace United Methodist Church
Library, 2nd Floor
9750 Wellington Rd
Manassas, VA
Prince William
Chapter
Contact: Ken Adams
(703) 361-6574
adamsksbjk@comcast.net
First Wednesdays 7:30 PM
TCF Reston
(for no surviving children)
Contact:
Nancy Vollmer (VA)
(703) 860-8587
Sharon Skarzynski (MD)
(410) 757-5049
Washington, DC
Chapter
Contact: Olivia Gunter
(301) 552-2798
Second Thursdays 7:30 PM
First Wednesdays 7:30 PM
Third Thursdays 7:30 PM
North County Gov Bld.
Reston Police Station Bld.
12000 Bowman Towne Drive
Reston, VA
Second Saturdays 2-4 PM
(for no surviving children)
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Coralease Ruff
3314 Applegrove Ct.
Oak Hill, VA 20171
The Howard University
The Blackburn Center
2397 Sixth Street, NW
Washington, DC 20059
Third Wednesdays 7-9 PM
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
June 2011
Welcome to our new members
We welcome our new families with open arms:
Michael P. Kimble
of Ft. Myer, VA, father of Hana Kimble
Page 3
to you when I go to sleep, I long to give you a hug and a kiss
and to see your sweet smile. But, for now, I have to manage
knowing that you are with my mom and dad and that you
send me your hugs and kisses in different ways. I remember
this poem that I read at your funeral. It breaks my heart and
also brings me some peace. For, I will live with this grief until
I see you again, but I was blessed to have you even for a
short while. I miss you my sweet boy, I love you!!
Ana Lowder
of Alexandria, VA, mother of Tera Lowder
Donna Xander
of McLean, VA, sister of Mark Xander
It was a gorgeous, sunny day for the annual Mother's Day
Butterfly Release. We released 136 of these beautiful
creatures on the grounds of Historic St. Mary's in honor of
all deceased children and for the TCF Fairfax Chapter
members who participated to honor their own child.
Thanks to all parents, grandparents, siblings and friends
who attended this year, it was a great turn out!
I’LL LEND YOU A CHILD
"I'll lend you for a little time
a child of mine," He said,
For you to love the whole while he lives.
He may be six or seven years
or twenty two or three,
But will you till I call him back
Take care of him for me?
He'll bring his charm to gladden you
And should his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay
Since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn
I've looked this wide world over
In my search for teachers true,
And from the things that crowd life's lane
I have selected you
A butterfly lights beside us
like a sunbeam, and for a
brief moment, its glory and
beauty belongs to our world.
But then it flies on again,
and although we wish it
would have stayed, we feel
blessed to have seen it.
A LETTER TO AIDAN ON MOTHER’S DAY
Now will you give him all your love
Not through the labor vain
Nor hate me when I come to call
And take him back again.
I fancied that I heard them say
"Dear Lord, Thy will be done,"
For all the joy the child shall bring
The risk of grief will run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we have known
Forever grateful stay.
By Katy Frank
Dear Sweet Aidan,
I woke this morning to your brother and sister’s hugs
and kisses. All was right with the world. And, then, reality set
in, the world isn’t right, not in the least. I miss you as much
today as I have missed you every day for the last 2 ½ years.
And, Mother’s Day just reminds me that a piece of my heart is
missing. I say good morning to you every day and good night
But should the angels call for him
Much sooner than we planned
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand.
- Edgar Guest
Page 4
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
One Mother’s Reaction to the Death of Her Son
I was listening to NPR‟s All Things Considered several
weeks ago. They were reporting on a story titled, “One
Marine‟s Journey: Activism, Then Tragedy”. I listened
intently to this tragic story of a young marine, Clay W.
Hunt, who heroically served both in Iraq and Afghanistan.
He was discharged in 2009 and after several months was
diagnosed with PTSD. Clay received treatment and
reached out to other veterans by appearing in the awardwinning public service announcement by the Iraq and
Afghanistan Veterans of America.
June 2011
June
Just like most months, June, has many bittersweet
moments for bereaved families who lost their child,
sibling or grandchild. Special times include Father‟s
Day, graduation, the school year ending, weddings
and summer vacation. These are reminders that our
child is gone. As with every special time, plan ahead
and do what is best for you, not what others think you
should do.
~Lois Copeland, TCF Arlington, VA~
Clay‟s PTSD symptoms were unrelenting. He died by
suicide March 31, 2011. My heart skipped a beat. How
awfully sad I felt. Then I listened to a statement by his
mother, Susan Selke, “I have many strong feelings about
what happened to my son. Mostly, I am so proud of him.”
She goes on and says, “We choose to look at it that he is
now in a very peaceful state, in a very peaceful place, and
we‟re thankful for that. And we‟re going to miss him
terribly.” His mother actually sounded at peace, without a
sign of anger. This interview took place April 21, three
weeks following her son‟s death.
I found myself thinking, “How would I sound and what
would I say when being interviewed by the reporter?”
When I got home I went on the internet to find additional
information on Clay Hunt and his family.
The Houston Chronicle reported that when he didn‟t show
up for work or answer the phone his mother drove to his
apartment. The EMT‟s found his body. Clay‟s mother
said, “I remember sliding down the wall and just sitting
there and pressing my back to the wall as hard as I could
because I thought this is as close as I‟ll ever be to him
again”. She went on, “I can‟t hug him, I can‟t kiss him, I
can‟t say „I love ya‟ I can‟t touch him again.”
It is so hard to “Welcome” family members to our
meetings for the first time because we are so very
sorry for the reason you are here.
April Meeting—Kendal Schweizer, lost her daughter
Madeleine Grace McGregor, January 2011.
“In my mind, he is a casualty of war,” Hunt‟s mother told
CNN in April. “But he died here instead of over there. He
died as a result of his war experience. He suffered from
survivor‟s guilt.”
May Meeting—
Sarah Gray, lost her son, Thomas Gray, March 2010
I asked myself, “is early grief different when your child‟s
death is publicized and you are interviewed and quoted in
the news?” Does that delay grief? These questions stayed
with me. All I can say is that we all grieve differently.
Circumstances of our child‟s death, our own personality
and family support all play a role in our initial reaction to
our loss and grief‟s long journey. ~Lois Copeland
Even if it was sad or painful to attend our meeting,
please come again, it will get easier.
Michael Kimble lost his daughter, Hana, April 2011.
June 2011
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
When Fathers Weep at Graves
I see them weep
The fathers at the stones
Taking off the brave armor
Forced to wear in the work place
Clearing away the debris
With gentle fingers
Inhaling the sorrow
Diminished by anguish
Their hearts desiring
What they cannot have—
To walk hand in hand
With children no longer held—
To all the fathers who leave
A part of their hearts
At the stones
May breezes underneath
Trees of time ease their pain
As they receive healing tears
…the gift the children give.
~Alice J. Wisler
To All Fathers I hope you have a peaceful and gentle
Father’s Day. Try to remember the happy memories
your child brought into your life.
Page 5
WHERE DOES THE SISTER COME IN?
My brother was killed. He was murdered for no
reason at all.
My pain is so sharp, so close. But THEY think I
shouldn‟t be suffering as much…as much as his wife,
who grieves for her love and her future. As much as
his son, who will never know his daddy. As much as
his parents, who have lost their only son, their firstborn child.
I have lost my closest friend; the man I admired most
in my world; the person I spent most of my free time
with – only for the company; the person I played
Yahtzee with until 2 am, knowing I‟d beat him soon;
the boy I grew up with and followed around
constantly; the love that only a brother and sister can
know; the respect he had for me; the talks and the
personal jokes. I have lost my brother. I hurt just as
much.
~Bridgette Huard~
To fashion an inner story of our pain carries us into
the heart of it, which is where rebirth inevitably
occurs.
~Sue Monk Kidd
Love Gifts
Rhea and Dale Killinger, in loving memory of their
son,
Thomas Phillips
Barbara and John Murphy, in loving memory of
their son,
Richard S. Murphy
From the Combined Federal Campaign:
I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If
suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise,
since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added
mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness,
and the willingness to remain vulnerable.
~Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Kathy Collins, in loving memory of her daughter,
Tiffanie Amber Collins
Stephen M. Reece, in loving memory of his
daughter, Andrea Dawn Reece
Patricia Robertson, in loving memory of her
daughter,
Suzanne Elizabeth Robertson
And we thank three anonymous donors
Page 6
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
The Many Gifts You Gave Me
By Susan Cleveland, Leesburg, VA
(In memory of my son Christopher Cleveland 9-15 to 6-24))
You gave me the gift of sight
Through this gift I was able to see the world of disabilities
through your eyes
You gave me the gift of courage
With that courage I went back to college to learn to teach
children with disabilities
You gave me the gift of listening when your speech became
slurred.
With that gift I was able to listen to others with speech
impairments
You gave me the gift of patience
With that patience I began my work with children with special
needs
You gave me the gift of kindness
To treat people of all abilities with kindness
You gave me the gift of love
When you were little it was hugs and kisses and as an adult
your Mother’s Day letter
You gave me the gift of generosity
With the gift of the generosity we established Christopher
Michael Cleveland Memorial Fund
to further research in epilepsy, alopecia, and to support
others with life altering disabilities
Love Always, Mom
A Letter to Kayleigh
Dear Kayleigh,
We’re coming up on another anniversary. It will be two
years on June 10th since you were taken from us. It’s hard
to believe that it’s been that long since I’ve seen your
beautiful smile, that you’ve taken my hand in yours, that
you’ve kissed the top of my head, that I’ve heard your
laughter and enjoyed our conversations. These are the
things that I miss the most, that I would give anything to
have back in my life. I know I talk to you all the time, but
unfortunately it’s all one-sided. I long for the days when
you would give me your opinion and I would either think
you were absolutely right or I would just laugh it off. I
often wonder how you would deal with issues I’m
struggling with. Am I making the right decisions or am I
totally off the wall? I hope you are steering me in the right
direction.
I’m sure you’ve noticed I’m in the anger stage of my grief.
I’m short-tempered and usually don’t hesitate to let my
feelings loose. This has put me in a very difficult position.
I try to refrain from losing my temper, but I find that I just
don’t care. Things that mattered to me in the past are just
not important anymore. Everything seems so trivial. I’ve
lost my child, how could anything else matter? I’ve talked
to you about this many times, how I hate being angry and
June 2011
how I wish I could just let things go. I find it impossible. I
wonder how I’ll handle both of your sisters moving. It’s
not like I see them every day or every week for that
matter. But it’s the fact that they are here and if I need to
see them, I can. I guess I need to learn to be more
independent and stop depending on them for their advice
and support. One thing I do know is I have their love.
It’s been two years…everyone keeps telling me it will get
easier, it will never get better, just easier. I wait for that
day. In the meantime, I will keep talking to you, kissing
your picture as I do every day, missing you and most of all,
loving you.
You will remain forever in my heart…Mom
Debbie Plamandon, Leesburg, VA TCF
A Father’s Prayer
I am a man, God, and I have been taught that I should be
strong and show no weaknesses. My wife needs me to be
strong; I cannot and I must not be weak and lean on her.
It is only with you that I can be honest, Lord and even
with you I am ashamed to admit it, but I want to cry. I
can feel the tears securely dammed up behind my eyes
that want to burst. There is a voice in me that shouts. BE
STRONG! BE A MAN! SHOW NO WEAKNESS! SHED
NO TEARS! But there is another voice inside that speaks
softly and somehow I feel it is your voice, Father.
Is it you who tells me that I am also a feeling human being
who can cry if I need to? Is it your voice that tells me that
maybe my wife needs the tenderness of my tears more
than she needs the strength of my muscles? You are right,
Lord, as always. My wife needs to see my grief, she needs
to feel the dampness of my tears and know the aching in
my heart. Then, just as we became one to create this life,
we become one in our grief which mourns this death. I
think I understand now, Lord, it is in sharing the awful
pain of my grief that I become an even stronger man. It is
in sharing my tears that I share my true strength.
O God, help me, communicate my deepest and most
sensitive feelings to my wife so we may become whole
together.
Norman Hagley, TCF, Omaha, Nebraska
A Warm Welcome
Aparna Raghavan and Panneer Perumal, parents of
Aadhav Selvam
June 2011
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
YOUR COMPASSIONATE FRIEND
by Steven L. Channing
I can tell by that look friend, that you need to talk,
So come take my hand and let's go for a walk.
See, I'm not like the others - I won't shy away,
Because I want to hear what you've got to say.
Your child has died and you need to be heard,
But they don't want to hear a single word.
They tell you your child's "with God", so be strong.
They say all the "right" things that somehow seem wrong.
They're just hurting for you and trying to say,
They'd give anything to help take your pain away.
But they're struggling with feelings they can't understand
So forgive them for not offering a helping hand.
I'll walk in your shoes for more than a mile.
I'll wait while you cry and be glad if you smile.
I won't criticize you or judge you or scorn,
I'll just stay and listen 'til your night turns to morn.
Yes, the journey is hard and unbearably long,
And I know that you think that you're not quite that strong.
So just take my hand 'cause I've got time to spare,
And I know how it hurts, friend, for I have been there.
See, I owe a debt you can help me repay
For not long ago, I was helped the same way.
As I stumbled and fell thru a world so unreal,
So believe when I say that I know how you feel.
I don't look for praise or financial gain
And I'm sure not the kind who gets joy out of pain.
I'm just a strong shoulder who'll be here 'til the endI'll be your Compassionate Friend.
Page 7
Newly Bereaved…
Thoughts for you when you get depressed:
Don’t ever try to understand everything—some things will just never make
sense.
Don’t ever be reluctant to show your feelings—when you’re happy, give in
to it.
Don’t ever be afraid to try to make things better—you might be surprised at
the results.
There is always somebody there for you to reach out to.
Don’t ever forget that you can achieve so many of the
things you can imagine, imagine that!
Don’t ever stop loving.
Don’t ever stop believing.
Don’t ever stop dreaming your dreams.
TCF, Orange Coast, CA
Father’s Day
By Sascha Wagner from her book “Wintersun”
Warm and sunny day in June
Father’s Day
Children, small and grown
Give gifts to father
Say thanks to father
Say I Love You.
But there are fathers
Whose children are not her
To give gifts and say thanks
And say I Love you.
Remember the fathers
Whose children are gone,
Because they always will be
Fathers at heart.
Graduation Time
By Peggy Gibson, TCF Nashville, TN
It’s June and graduation time again. Your child would have been
among those wearing the cap and gown, walking down the aisle to the
ever stirring ―Pomp and Circumstance‖. Now there is a vacant spot in
the line. Should you attend? Can you stand the pain? Will people
think you are strange?
As always you must follow your heart. So, go if you’d like to and don’t
hide your tears. It’s quite all right to miss your own child while
celebrating the achievements of others.
Just remember: That your instincts are the most important ones; that
no one else can make this decision for you, and that it doesn’t really
matter what other people think.
It was your child who died. This is your pain and you have the right to
feel it and deal with it in your own way – and may a bit more healing
take place in the doing.
Page 8
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
WELCOME: Our Chapter would like to welcome
Steve Tickner, whose daughter, Sierra Grace,
passed away last November 2010. We would also
like to welcome Kitty Smith who has had multiple
losses and attended one of our meetings. We look
forward to seeing both of you again.
Mother’s Day Twenty-two members enjoyed
getting together at Alfio’s Restaurant in Chevy
Chase, MD for a wonderful Mother’s Day dinner.
They had a private room and enjoyed talking
about and toasting their children and spending
time with each other. Thanks to Jeff Petrino for
making the arrangements.
Father’s Day is just around the corner. To all the
Dads out there that keep the stiff upper lip and a
strong shoulder for their wives to cry on…this is
your day to sit back and remember your son or
daughter and all the wonderful times you had
together although cut too short. Let’s hope you
will smile with the memory of those happy times.
F.A.T.H.E.R.S.
"F" aithful.
"A" lways there.
"T" rustworthy.
"H" onoring.
"E" ver-loving.
"R" ighteous.
"S" upportive.
June 2011
June
June brings thoughts of the school year ending,
warm weather, vacations and weddings.
Wedding showers can be very hard to attend
because you are sort of stuck in one chair and
talking all about the upcoming wedding as well as
other weddings that may have just occurred.
Many times there is no need to explain why you
can’t attend, just email them back or call the RSVP
line during the day when they might be at work
and say you are so sorry but won’t be able to make
the shower but will be sending a gift.
Receiving a wedding invitation can bring a lot of
anxiety. We will not ever have the opportunity to
be parents of the bride or groom. It can be a
struggle to decide if we should attend or not. I
think it was three years
after Lauryn’s death
before Ed and I
attended a wedding,
which was very
difficult. Over the
years we have found
some things that have
helped us. At church
we sit in one of the back rows behind the crowd on
the aisle, that way if we feel we need to leave we
can slip out and no one knows because they are all
looking up front. When we are at the reception we
find it is easier if we just step out of the room
when the bride and her Dad and the groom and his
Mom are going to have that special dance, or
maybe for the cake cutting or whatever might take
you to that edge of being comfortable. Everyone is
watching the bride and groom and they don’t
notice that you come and go or that you leave
early. You must do whatever you are comfortable
with and you can’t worry about what others may
think or say.
Kathy Grapski
Contact Kathy @ specialkmg@ aol.com or 301-2535509 if you would like to put a poem or article on this
page. Deadline is the 10th of each month.
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
June 2011
JOY COMES IN THE MORNING
TO
Welcome to our New Members:
Nicole Funari (Sibling)
Margaret Jackson (parent)
Michael Kimble (Parent)
Carolyn Miller (Parent)
Jean Pierce (Parent)
Alberta Smith (Parent)
DARRIN J. STUBBS
W
ell, Darrin, here we are in year 8 of the journey. I
call it a journey because learning to live without
your physical presence is akin to taking a trip to a
foreign land and having no idea of how to speak the
language, read the street signs, nor how to get around.
Despite the fact that I am still very much lost, what I
have learned in those 8 years is that the concept of time
for me has taken on a whole new meaning. Recently, I
have been drawn to the Biblical verse “Weeping may
endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning”
Psalms 30:5 and I have gained great insight and hope
for the future from these words. Going back to the
concept of time, “my night” of
weeping has for me taken 8
“I am coming years and “my morning” is
just now within view.
into the
Although there are times
when I still intensely grieve
daylight of
for you and what your loss
hope.”
means to our family, I find
that I am coming into the
daylight of hope—hope that
we can still have a wonderful rest of our lives. What I
now experience is transitioning from weeping over your
physical absence (for you are always here in spirit) to
openly embracing the “joy” of your having been here
and what that has meant for all of us—specifically how
you so greatly enriched all of our lives while you graced
us with your presence. When you first left us I thought
that if I dared to envision a life with laughter I would
be dishonoring you. I now understand that if our lives
are the sum of our experiences and you are without a
doubt, the star player in this movie called life, then to
continue on this journey means that you will never be
left out of the script. So, we do move along but you very
much move with us and this revelation has brought me
the “joy that cometh in the morning”. While I know
that I will have many days when I will continue to weep
I now understand that it is equally alright to have just
as many days of joy and laughter. What I also found is
that most often it is the retelling of stories about you
that brings forth the “joy that cometh in the morning”.
You are forever loved and forever missed and I am so
blessed and grateful for the gift of you.
PEACE,
VERONICA C. STUBBS (Loving Mother of Darrin)
Page 9
TO MY LITTLE GIRL
I
feel like my mind and body are lost and in a world of
confusion, and my heart is in a place where I never wish
upon anyone. When you were born I was so sure of myself.
I had all the answers. Then I took a look into your eyes
and I didn’t have the answers anymore. The first time I
looked into your eyes was the happiest day of my life. You
looked at me with so much confusion and uncertainty. The
world was at the tip of your toes. And you didn’t even
know it. I was so afraid that I would make a mistake and
one day you would need something and I wouldn’t have the
answers. You were my greatest achievement. When I held
you in my arms and you looked me in the eyes and I felt
like you were seeing right through me. You know that I
was puzzled and had no idea. You fell asleep in my arm
and had no worries in your little heart. When I found out
that you were sick I felt the world crashing onto my
shoulders and my heart just stopped. Every second you
were sick I prayed to God wishing that it was me sick and
not you. You were my child and I didn’t know how to help
you. From that moment on I searched and asked God for
answers. Every moment I was with you were moments
that I will never forget. During your first surgery I was so
worried that you wouldn’t make it. I felt sick to my
stomach and my heart was beating so fast and feelings of
confusion in my heart. I thought the first surgery was
hard but the second and third and the fourth were even
harder. With each surgery you had, all of the feelings from
the first surgery were the same but with more uncertainty.
I kept telling myself that everything would be okay and
that we would get through this together as a family. The
doctor told us that you were born with a defected heart.
Your heart may have been defected. But I believe that it
was strong and that you had a will for life. For someone so
small and little you had a hard life and with all the
surgery you must had a strong heart because I don’t know
if I could have went through what you did and still be so
happy and full of life. And for that I will always remember
you as my little girl. Love, Dad
In Memory of Hana Shing-Kimble
Submitted by Michael Kimble
Page 10
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
June 2011
Francis Leo Bofua Geh
Jun 2
Annunciatta and George Geh
Fairfax
Christopher D "Chris" Morton
Jun 2
Samuel & Patricia Morton, Katherine Morton Orf Arlington
Jessica Stein
Jun 2
Gary and Doris Stein
Arlington
Stephen L Slepetz
Jun 3
Stephen L. and Betsy Slepetz
Prince William
Aidan Frank
Jun 4
Katy and Gary Frank
Fairfax
Peter Byron Keller
Jun 5
Katherine Dees-Payne
Arlington
Jessica Catherine Randall
Jun 6
Heide Randall
Arlington
Cody Cooper
Jun 7
Diane Baldino
Fairfax
Denise Henning
Jun 7
Anne Marie Zulandi
Fairfax
Rachel Kaplan
Jun 7
Glenn and Robin Kaplan
Prince William
C. Christopher Schupp
Jun 7
Norma and John Bobst
Prince William
Kelly Czerwinski
Jun 8
Stan Czerwinski
Fairfax
Paul Frederick Siess
Jun 9
Mayhew and Georgette Siess
Arlington
Kimberly Dawn Williams
Jun 10 Jim and Barbara Williams
Prince William
Ashley Myers
Jun 12 Wynnie Myers
Leesburg
Melissa Kirschbaum Coleman
Jun 13 Marti and Ira Kirschbaum
Arlington
Kevin Eveland
Jun 13 Alyssa and Jeff Eveland
Leesburg
Fri B Geh
Jun 13 Annunciatta and George Geh
Fairfax
Brigid (Sullivan) Healy
Jun 15 Paul and Flora Sullivan
Arlington
Ian Michael Wyland
Jun 15 Rebecca and Michael Wyland
Arlington
Ryan Branisa
Jun 16 Sylvia Pape
Fairfax
Ryan Hanover
Jun 16 Anne and Paul Hanover
Leesburg
Caroline Leslie Kinskie
Jun 16 Christie and Steve Kinskie
Prince William
Kevin Eckerman
Jun 18 Don and Peggy Eckerman
Fairfax
Mike Armand Gress
Jun 20 Josie and Chuck Gress
Reston
Isaac Maximino Toney
Jun 20 Ken and Janice Toney
Arlington
Raven Gileau
Jun 23 Linda Gileau
Fairfax
Maggie Ofuiero
Jun 23 Judy and Larry Oufiero
Fairfax
Adam Lewis Heitz
Jun 24 Theresa & Glenn Heitz
Leesburg
Angel Charlene Gaines
Jun 25 Melissa Gaines
Leesburg
Gregory Dean Williams
Jun 25 Jim and Barbara Williams
Prince William
Corrin Travis
Jun 26 Lynne Travis
Leesburg
Anthony Dragotto
Jun 29 Frank Dragotto
Arlington
Marcelo Marazzi
Jun 29 Rosane and Al Marazzi
Fairfax
Leisa Reno
Jun 29 John and Jane Trimble
Fairfax
Kelly Monahan
Jun 30 Mary and Dan Monahan
Fairfax
If there are any errors or omissions in the two Our Children Remembered pages,
please contact your local chapter leadership so our data bases can be corrected.
June 2011
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
Fakhri Mohsin
Christian Norman
Danielle Lyn Tauro
Marina Landi
Michelle Lisa
Timothy Burks
Matthew Lanzaro
Tera Lowder
Chris Sudi Akunda
Abigail Burroughs
Jason Kenneth Duvall
Jessica Catherine Randall
Julia Kenney Teresa
Jackie Corry
Bryan Kelly
Kayleigh Plamondon
Ashley Renee Thompson
Casey Butler
Ryan Branisa
Sean Campbell
Trevor Davis
Sarah Renee Carter
Lydia Margaret Petkoff
Kimberly Dawn Williams
Ian Michael Wyland
Charles Culver "Chip" Kelly
George Noble
Stephen L. Slepetz
Isaac Maximino Toney
Samuel Jermaine Blanks
Brandon F. Carter
Maxwell Scott Casillas
Kimberly Darlene Clark
Silecia Darlington
Brian Gronenthal
Kristi Lynn Brown
Christopher Michael Cleveland
Joe Miller
John Steve Catilo
Robert E. Lee
Geraldine "Gigi" Olivia Clark
William Patrick Pelasara
Jennifer Wysocki
Beth Ann Coefileld
Mark Berkowitz
Jun 1
Jun 3
Jun 3
Jun 5
Jun 5
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Jun 6
Jun 7
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Jun 9
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Jun 28
Jun 29
Fakhra and Irshad Mohsin
Jodi Norman
Regina Tauro
Federica Landi
Marilyn Renfield
Trudy Burks
Marilyn and Robert Lanzaro
Ana Lowder
Jackie Akunda
Frank Burroughs
Kenneth and Sally Duvall
Heide Randall
Mary and Jeff Petrino
Jack Corry
Sean Kelly
Debbie Plamondon
Sam and Robin Thompson
Robin Sanford
Sylvia Pape
Donald and Madelyn Campbell
Amy and Brad Davis
Susan Carter
Susan Carter
Jim and Barbara Williams
Rebecca and Michael Wyland
Mary Laurie Kelly
Kathy And Roger Noble
Stephen L. and Betsy Slepetz
Ken and Janice Toney
Samuel and Betty Blanks
Gladys and Harry Strother
Adrian and Sandi Casillas
Mark and Jennifer Clark
Jean Darlington
Christine Gronenthal
Lloyd and Karen Brown
Susan and Roy Cleveland
Sharon Lightner
Alejandro and Maria Catilo
Bob Lee
Jackie Arias Clark
Toni Horn
Edward and Marlene Wysocki
Lorrie and Warren Fox
Alan Berkowitz
Page 11
Prince William
Fairfax
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Prince William
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Arlington
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Prince William
Arlington
DC
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Prince William
Prince William
DC
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Arlington
Fairfax
Leesburg
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Prince William
Leesburg
Fairfax
Compassionate Friends
5533 North 16th Street
Arlington, VA 22205
Trinity Presbyterian Church
Address Service Requested
NONPROFIT ORG
U.S.POSTAGE
PAID
ARLINGTON, VA
PERMIT NO.348
“To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.”
Thomas Campbell, Hallowed Ground
June 2011