July 2011 - The Compassionate Friends

The Compassionate Friends
Northern Virginia and DC Chapters
Arlington, Fairfax, Leesburg, Prince William,
Reston, Virginia and Washington, DC
JULY 2011
VOLUME 20, NO. 5
The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families in the positive resolution of
grief following the death of a child and to provide information to help others be supportive.
TCF National Conference
July 15-17, 2011
Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minnesota
Compassionate Friends national conferences have
always been a great healing experience for bereaved
families and TCF’s 34th National Conference, to be
held July 15-17, 2011, in Minneapolis/St. Paul,
Minnesota, will be no exception. Pre-conference
registration ended June 24.
If you are unable to attend, you will still have the
opportunity to purchase recordings of workshop
sessions and DVDs of keynote speakers after the
conference.
If you are attending, please note that the Sheraton
Bloomington-Minneapolis South will become the
Doubletree Bloomington-Minneapolis South the
same week as the start of the conference.
Bereaved Parents of the USA
2011 National Gathering
This event will be held July 28-31 in Reston, VA at
the Sheraton Reston Hotel near Dulles International
Airport. For additional information, go to
www.bereavedparentsusa.org.
Combined Summer Issue
The August & September issues of this newsletter
will be combined. Material for both of those months
(articles, poems, tributes, etc.) needs to be provided
to your chapter reporter in July.
The Shrine Down the Hall
In 2010, the New York Times published a photo
essay by Ashley Gilbertson which memorialized the
lives of young soldiers lost in the war in Iraq. It is
incredibly powerful and moving. Gilbertson
followed the Faces of the Fallen regularly printed in
the Washington Post and contacted families of those
who died. He visited their homes and took
photographs of the soldiers’ bedrooms, some
preserved for many years. This award winning photo
essay features 19 bedrooms and is titled “Bedrooms
of the Fallen”. You may view his photographs on:
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2010/03/21/
magazine/20100321-soliders-bedroomsslideshow.html
Inside this issue:
Calendar and Contacts
2
Arlington Chapter
3
Fairfax Chapter
4
Leesburg Chapter
5
Prince William Chapter
6
Reston Chapter
7
Washington, DC Chapter
9
Resources and Information
8
Our Children Remembered
10
Page 2
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
JULY 2011 MEETINGS
NEWSLETTER TEAM
Editor
Peggi Johnson
tcfnewsletter@gmail.com
Database Manager
Brenda Sullivan
TCFDBA@hotmail.com
Treasurer
Kent Womack
1013 Riverside Drive
Woodstock, VA 22664
kent_womack@hotmail.com
Reporters
Arlington
Lois Copeland
loiscopeland52@gmail.com
Fairfax
Katy Frank, kmfrank@fcps.edu
District of Columbia
Michelle Lake, malake@hotmail.com
Leesburg
Bev Elero
belero@aol.com
Prince William
Jennifer Clark
Jennifer.redskins@hotmail.com
Reston
Kathy Grapski, specialkmg@aol.com
Regional Coordinator
Kathy Collins
ccollins211@verizon.net
4505 Rachael Manor Drive
Fairfax, VA 22032
TCF National Headquarters
PO Box 3696
Oak Brook IL 60522-3696
http://www.compassionatefriends.org
(877) 969-0010 (Toll-Free)
Arlington Website
http://www.tcfarlington.org
Webmaster: Mary M.Bell
m.m.bell@verizon.net
Fairfax Website
www.tcffairfax.org
Leesburg Website
http://www.tcfleesburg.org
webmaster@tcfleesburg.org
Prince William Website
http://www.tcfprincewilliam.org
webmaster@tcfprwm.org
July 2011
July 6 (first Wednesdays)
7:30 PM Fairfax Chapter
7:30 PM Leesburg Chapter
July 14 (second Thursdays)
7:30 PM Arlington Chapter
July 9 (second Saturdays)
2-4 PM TCF Reston
July 20 (third Wednesdays)
7-9 PM Washington DC Chapter
July 21 (third Thursdays)
7:30 PM Prince William Chapter
Arlington Chapter
Contact: Lois Copeland
(301) 530-1115
loiscopeland52@gmail.com
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Kent Womack
1013 Riverside Dr.
Woodstock, VA 22664
Trinity Presbyterian Church
5533 N.16th St
Arlington, VA
Fairfax Chapter
Contact: Carol Marino
Carolmarino1@gmail.com
or Diane Burakow
dkburakow@verizon.net
Chapter Phone:
(703) 622-3639
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Monica Clark
5444 Ladue Lane
Fairfax, VA 22030
Attn: TCF
OLD ST.MARY’S HALL,
next to St. Mary’s Historic
Church and Cemetery
Fairfax Station Rd
and Route 123
Fairfax, VA 22030
Leesburg Chapter
Contact: Bev or Bernie Elero
(540) 882-9707
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Mrs.Anne Shattuck
224 Walnut Ridge Ln.
Palmyra, VA 22963
St. James Episcopal Church
Janney Parlor
14 Cornwall St NW
Leesburg, VA
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Melody Ridgeway
9366 Dahlia Ct.
Manassas, VA 20110
Grace United Methodist Church
Library, 2nd Floor
9750 Wellington Rd
Manassas, VA
Prince William
Chapter
Contact: Ken Adams
(703) 361-6574
adamsksbjk@comcast.net
First Wednesdays 7:30 PM
TCF Reston
(for no surviving children)
Contact:
Nancy Vollmer (VA)
(703) 860-8587
Sharon Skarzynski (MD)
(410) 757-5049
Washington, DC
Chapter
Contact: Olivia Gunter
(301) 552-2798
Second Thursdays 7:30 PM
First Wednesdays 7:30 PM
Third Thursdays 7:30 PM
North County Gov Bld.
Reston Police Station Bld.
12000 Bowman Towne Drive
Reston, VA
Second Saturdays 2-4 PM
(for no surviving children)
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Coralease Ruff
3314 Applegrove Ct.
Oak Hill, VA 20171
The Howard University
The Blackburn Center
2397 Sixth Street, NW
Washington, DC 20059
Third Wednesdays 7-9 PM
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
July 2011
Vacations
Vacation time is upon us again. You may be having trouble with
that very thought, especially if you are recently bereaved. Large
places with many people many not be the answer, small places
with few people may not feel right or family-oriented locations
may bring painful reminders of years past. No vacation may be
an option.
Whatever you choose to do this summer, try to plan ahead.
Page 3
Welcome
It is so hard to “welcome” family members to our
meetings for the first time because we are so very
sorry for the reason you are here. Even if it was sad or
painful to attend our meeting, please come again. It
will get easier.
Joe Cecil, lost his son Benjamin (Jamie), November
2010.
Hope the sun warms the heart and brings reminders of some
happy memories.
Shannon Malveaux and Jordon Malaveaux lost her
daughter and his sister,and Wellington Coddington, his
~Lois Copeland, TCF, Arlington, VA
girlfriend, Brittany, April 2011.
The August and September newsletters will be combined and
published at the end of July. Please send me any stories or
poems by July 10. If you want to make a love gift donation,
please have it to Kent Womack by the first week of July.
Summertime and the livin is easy…
The lazy, hazy days of summer…
What does summertime bring to your mind? I think of the beach
with the waves softly washing ashore. Walking along with the
sand between my toes. Finding “treasure” along the shoreline.
The sound of the ocean is calming. The sun is warm on my face.
Life seems good.
And then I realize that being at the beach is forever changed for
me. The memories of times past at the beach with my family
come flooding back. Lots of good memories.
I stare at the ocean and think…the ocean is like my grief.
Sometimes it seems wild and black with rage and almost
impossible to manage. Riptides, currents and storm surges.
Sometimes it’s like rough waves hitting the shore, continually
pounding. And sometimes the waves are smaller and are
enjoyable to play in. Then sometimes it is unusually calm and I
can wade in and let the cool water surround me.
So now I go to the beach to remember. And let the sun warm my
heart. Let the sound of the waves calm my soul. And get sand
between my toes.
~Carol Tomaszewski, Annapolis Chapter, BP/USA
***WANTED: A volunteer to do the Arlington
Page of the newsletter. No experience necessary.
Call or email Lois Copeland for information.
301-520-0225 or loiscopeland52@gmail.com
An Accident
It was just an accident, a senseless stupid accident.
But I need someone to blame,
Somewhere to direct my anger,
Somewhere where it won’t
Bounce right back to me.
Someone to take all of my attention,
Someone to hold accountable,
Someone else to think about,
So I don’t think about you dying
About you being dead, when all it was
Was a senseless stupid accident
That took you from me.
In memory of my son, Shawn and my sister, Rhonda
~Deb Kostner, TCF, Oshkosh, WI~
FOR SIBLINGS…
Mark
Some people dread the holidays; others anniversaries or
birthdays. With me, it’s not just these days,
but spring and summer. From the first talk of
spring training to the last out of the World
Series, I MISS YOU. Baseball was such a big
part of your life. I see you in a baseball
uniform in so many of my memories. How I
wish we could catch a Royal’s game
together! Remember, they were World Champions in ’85!
I know that you have rounded third and slid in home, but that
doesn’t ease the pain in my heart. I love you so much!
~Tamala Lauffer, TCF Independence, MO
Page 4
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
A Penny
Welcome to our new members
We welcome our new families with open arms:
Brad and Sherri Newman
of Herndon, VA, parents of Joshua Newman
I found a penny today
Just lying on the ground,
But it's not just a penny
This little coin I've found.
Found pennies come from heaven
That's what my Grandpa told me,
He said Angels toss them down
Oh, how I loved that story.
He said when an Angel misses you
They toss a penny down,
Sometimes just to cheer you up
To make a smile out of your frown.
So don't pass by that penny
When you're feeling blue,
It may be a penny from heaven
That an Angel's tossed to you.
Melinda and Carlos Santiago
of Fairfax, VA, parents of Michael Santiago
Shannon Malveaux and Jordan Malveaux
of Leesburg, VA, mother and brother of Brittany
Malveaux
Tiny Angels
Tiny Angels rest your wings
sit with me for awhile.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see your tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear....
That I will forget your precious face
Is my biggest fear.
Tiny Angel can you tell me,
Why you have gone away?
You weren't here for very long....
Why is it, you couldn't stay?
Tiny Angel shook his head,
"These things I do not know....
But I do know that you love me,
And that I love you so".
July 2011
Vacations
Vacation time can be painful for bereaved parents.
Caught up with normal demands of making a living or keeping
a household going, we have less time to think than we do on
vacations, especially the "take it easy" kind-at a hideaway,
tucked away somewhere.
In the summers following Tricia's death, I found
vacations could bring a special kind of pain. We avoided
going to places where we had vacationed with her. At one
time, I thought Williamsburg might be off my list forever since
we had a very happy time together there. I tried it one
summer three years later and found that she walked the
cobbled streets with me. Now that nine years have passed
and the pain has eased, maybe the happy memories we
shared in Williamsburg can heighten the pleasure of another
visit there.
For the first few years after Tricia's death, we found
fast-paced vacations at places we had never been before, to
be the best. The stimulation of new experiences in new
places with new people refreshed us and sent us home more
ready to pick up our grief work. That is not to say when we
did something or saw something that Tricia would have
enjoyed, we didn't mention her. We did, but it seemed less
painful than at home.
One caution: Do allow enough time for sleep;
otherwise, an exhausted body can depress you.
We've said it many times: YOU HAVE TO FIND
YOUR OWN WAY, YOUR OWN PEACE. Let vacation time
be another try at that; but do give yourself a break in
choosing the time and locale where that can best be
accomplished. Don't be afraid of change-it can help with your
re-evaluation of life.
~Elizabeth Estes, TCF Augusta. GA, in memory of
Tricia
July 2011
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
The Many Lessons You Taught Us
By Susan M. Cleveland, Leesburg, VA TCF (Mother of
Christopher Michael Cleveland Sept 15 - June 24)
The first lesson was about love.
I saw this love when you were small and I kissed your boo
-boos to make them all better. I find this love in your
emails you sent to us during your travels and throughout
the journals you wrote during your life. I see this love
through the tributes your friends and family posted on
www.chriscleveland.info<http://www.chriscleveland.info/>;.
Without this love we would not feel the pain of grief and
the emptiness in our hearts when you left us.
The second lesson you taught us was courage.
Each day you showed courage in your quest to regain
your strength, and your sense of balance so you could
travel and live on your own again. You gave me the
courage to try new things like returning to college to start
a new career to become a teacher.
The third lesson you taught us was patience.
Through this lesson of patience I have I found the gift to
work with children with special needs and adults with
disabilities. With patience and a slower pace, tasks and
goals can be accomplished and dreams can be fulfilled.
The fourth lesson you taught was to feel joy.
I see your joy in your smile and not just in your
photographs. I feel joy when I see rainbows and
butterflies because like you rainbows and butterflies are
only here for a short time. I feel joy and see your smile in
each sunrise and every sunset.
The fifth lesson you taught us was about
generosity.
To honor your generosity we established the Christopher
Cleveland Memorial Fund to inspire further research for
balance disorders, epilepsy, alopecia, and learning
disabilities. You taught us that kindness towards others is
more important than money or material possessions.
Thank you for these lessons, I have learned to
treasure each new day,
Love Always, Mom
“…there is no more ridiculous custom than
the one that makes you express sympathy once
and for all on a given day to a person whose
sorrow will endure as long as his life. Such
grief, felt in such a way, is always “present,” it
is never too late to talk about it, never
repetitious to mention it again.”
~~Marcel Proust~~
Page 5
To Adam Steven Katz
Bombarded with reminders of you, dear son,
sweet and sorrowful bound into one.
A promising future gone in a flash,
the moment you died in a violent crash.
Existing without you is torturous to bear,
your untimely death so dreadful and unfair.
We’re trying to adapt to an altered life,
while emptiness and craving you brings daily strife.
We mourn, we honor, we do normal things,
praying your spirit in the afterlife takes wings
to envelop us in love and protection,
ensuring we keep our eternal connection.
Forever grateful to have reared our sunshine boy,
you illuminated this earth with goodness and joy.
With everlasting love and respect,
Mom
Linda Katz, Leesburg VA, TCF
Give Me The Vision
Shall I cry out in anger, O God,
Because Thy gifts are mine but for a while?
Shall I be ungrateful for the moments of laughter,
The seasons of joy, the days of gladness and festivity,
When tears cloud my eyes and darken the world
And my heart is heavy within me?
Shall I blot from mind the love I have known
and in which I have rejoiced
When a fate beyond my understanding takes from me
Friends and kin whom I have cherished, and leaves me
Bereft of shining presences that have lit my way
Through the years of companionship and affection?
Give me the vision, O God, to see and feel
That imbedded deep in each of Thy gifts
Is a core of eternity that survives the dread hours
Of affliction and misery.
Those I have loved, though now beyond my view,
Have given form and quality to my being.
They have led me into the wide universe I continue to
inhabit,
and their presence is more vital to me than their absence.
What Thou givest, O Lord, Thou takest not away,
And bounties once granted shed their radiance evermore.
Rabbi Morris Adler,
Reprinted with Permission, Solace Newsletter
Page 6
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
Don’t Think I Do Not Grieve
Don’t think I do not feel;
because you see no tears.
A river rages deep inside
of grief, and loss, and fears.
Just because I do not cry now,
don’t think my heart’s not broken.
I keep inside the misery
of words not to be spoken.
Sometimes I smile, or crack a joke,
so you won’t see the pain;
or notice how my hands will shake,
or how I’ve gone insane.
Each time I chance to think of her,
my heart is ripped asunder.
The loss I feel is mine alone.
you will not see my thunder.
~Brenda Penepent
Drifting…….
Drifting through life is how I feel
The death of my son, doesn’t seem real.
I catch myself laughing the next moment I cry.
I try to quote reason, but my mouth spills out
“Why?”
I stare at his photo, now spotted with tears.
More distance from him is one of my fears.
My beautiful boy – his life became shorter.
Why couldn’t I go first? – That’s the right
order!
So I’ll continue to drift along life’s falling
rain,
until the day when our hearts meet again.
July 2011
Butterflies & Rainbows
You came to me on a Butterfly’s
wing, so very long ago.
What God had in his plans for us
how could we possibly know?
I watched you laugh and play and
dream as you grew into a man.
How beautiful you were to me, as you
chased rainbows in the sand.
It’s incomprehensible to think
that you have gone away.
And you won’t be coming back again,
not even for a day.
Two years have come and gone since
then and the sun still rises in the sky.
Butterflies and rainbows still exist,
and I have stopped asking why.
Your light shines brightly in my heart
and always will my dear.
You are with the rainbows there
and I’m with the butterflies here.
~ Robyn Bell – TCF, Valley Forge, PA
MEMORIES
Memories are flowers
growing in the heart.
Flowers picked on
happy days that time
arranges in bouquets to warm the heart in tender ways by
feelings they impart.
Memories are pictures taken through the years, pictures of
a smiling face, a happy time, a favorite place.
These pleasures, time cannot erase, they are kept as
souvenirs.
~ Kelly Boerger, TCF Cincinnati
~Laura Rogers, TCF Northfield, NJ
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
July 2011
The summer heat has arrived. Many of us have a little more
time in the summer as things slow down, I thought these articles
might be good ones to read and think about. Wishing you a
restful summer.
Kathy Grapski
If you would like to put a poem or article on this
page, contact Kathy Grapski (specialkmg@aol.com
or 301-253-5509) Deadline for August and
September submissions is July 10th.
“COMMON SENSE” GRIEF RULES
In my work as a bereavement counselor for a number of funeral
homes, I contact family members of the deceased approximately
eight weeks after the death. The largest percentage of them are
what I call “I’m fine” calls. Surviving members tell me they’re
“fine.” In truth, many of them are, but many of them are not.
Page 7
to. Cry when you hurt. Talk out your guilt. Don’t try to replace
the uniqueness of your child. You can’t. Don’t grieve
alone. Find people who will listen non-judgmentally to your
story told over and over again. Let go of the mistaken idea that
time heals. It isn’t time that heals, it’s the grief work you do
while the clock ticks away that heals.
Look at what you’re being told about grief. Question who they
are, what they think they know about grief. Don’t listen to those
who tell you not to grieve. Would you consult your neighbor on
financial matters if he were a mechanic? Would you ask an
attorney about your stomach problems? Of course, you
wouldn’t, so why listen to those who tell you how to grieve
when they have absolutely no knowledge of how to grieve or
how to recover if they’ve not walked this path.
The loss of a beloved child creates big changes in your
life. Don’t leave healthy recovery and positive personal growth
to “common sense” rules. Keep in mind that while the rules
may be “common” they don’t make sense.
~Margaret Gerner, Bereaved Parent
~Submitted in Loving Memory of Lisa Champlin by
her Mom, Linda Nielsen, Reston TCF
I hear comments such as, “I’m keeping busy so I don’t have time
to think about it” or “I hurt at first, but I just have to give it
time.” Or, “I try not to cry in front of my family. It upsets them
so much.” Few people will admit that they are hurting.
Unfortunately, this denial of grief is all too common in our
society. Actually, we have unwritten rules about it. They
are: Bury your feelings, replace the loss, grieve alone and give
it time. Did you pick up any of these rules in the above
comments?
We live in a fast-paced society that doesn’t allow the deep,
searing emotions that occur at the death of a special loved, one,
especially the death of a child. It’s not comfortable to listen to
another talk about his/her child, or cry, or show pictures of him
or her. We’ve got to “get on with life.” Thus,
the“rules.”
As bereaved parents we pay a high price for those rules. We pay
the price for swallowing our emotions in illness and chronic
depression that can plague us many years after our child
dies. We pay the price in self-blame when that magic year mark
comes and we aren’t “over” it.
We never stop and ask ourselves, who said we have to keep
busy, that crying is weakness, that talking about our deceased
child is morbid, that we must think only of the good memories,
or that time heals all wounds? We just take societal dictates as
truths. They are not!!
Ignore these “rules.” Let yourself grieve in healthy ways. Don’t
bury your feelings. Let them out. Get angry when you need
SUMMER THOUGHTS
Summer is a time when things naturally slow
down, a time when many are waiting for the orderly
routine of their lives to begin again. For those of us in
grief whose lives are already in limbo, it can seem endless
if we let it. Seeing children, babies and teenagers is not
easy for us, and we see them everywhere from shopping
centers to beaches. Everyone is out living, loving,
enjoying carefree activities with their children, and we
want to scream, “It’s not fair!” I was sitting on my patio
on evening at dusk recently listing to the shouts of
children playing, and I was crying as I remembered the
sounds that my child used to make. I became very
depressed as I thought what a long summer this was
going to be.
In my reverie, I was reminded of a recent
comment that I had heard at a TCF meeting: “My child
was such a loving, giving person. He would not want me
(Continued on page 9)
Page 8
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
JULY
Fireworks lighting the night in thundering array
Fireflies and butterflies on the air do play.
July 2011
human comprehension. A LOVE that only we can reveal,
in a place where it will always be and forever remain; in
my heart.
Daniel Warford, TCF, Lakes Area, MI
Squeaky chain on the old back porch swing
The chirping of crickets and frogs as they sing.
Watermelon in sweet juicy red
Welcome to our New Members:
Summer vacations, sleeping in Grandma’s bed.
Corey and Kenann
Long days filled with carefree play
Corn on the cob, the sweet scent of hay.
Sun-browned from swimming and fishing down at the
Lake
Dairy Queen Sundaes and thick milkshakes.
Family reunions, with family and food all around
Spreading a blanket out on the ground.
Warm rain fills puddles, inviting to splash with barefoot
feet
But my Birthday is by far the best July treat!
But if this is the month I should leave
Remember these things when your heart grieves.
Look at the beauty that fills this time
And remember forever our hearts are entwined.
Surviving
There’s no way to know,
in those first, early years,
if the crying will stop,
be an ending to tears.
But slowly, so slowly,
through the grieving and time,
will come moments and days,
when hopefulness shines.
~Sheila Simmons, TCF Atlanta, GA
Backwards and forwards,
For Siblings………..
FOREVER JOURNEY
It was us against the world! At least that’s the way we
figured it. We were destined to conquer any obstacle that
would jeopardize our future. Together we were fearless, to
be apart was not an option. We were to remain intact until
we reigned victorious over our journey with life. Little did
I know our journey would soon be postponed. During the
twelfth year of our journey, we were set apart.
into darkness, then out,
we begin to start living;
scraps of new life peek out.
This happens most surely,
survivors will tell,
when we find time for others
Mike had completed his journey with life, and was taken to
a place he would reign victorious. Our life together was a
chapter, my memories much more than a story. We are
bonded together by a LOVE that stretches beyond that of
and give of ourselves.
~Genesse Bourdeau Gentry
STARS IN THE DEEPEST NIGHT, 1999
July 2011
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
Page 9
Resources and Information
(Continued from page 7)
to waste my life being bitter.” “I also remember a good
friend telling me to “count my blessings” and naming all
the things I had to be grateful for. I was furious at that
time. Nothing I had to be grateful for could compensate
for the fact that my child had died. Now, sitting in the
twilight of this early summer evening, I began to see
things differently. I determined that this summer would
not be an eternity: I would not let it be. I decided first of
all to stay busy.
I am also going to try to enjoy the simple things that used
to give me so much pleasure, like flowers, and working in
my garden. I then decided to try to be truly grateful for
the blessings that I have, like my husband, my friends, my
job etc.
It has been almost 5 years for me, and I know that last year
this would not have worked. Of course I still have times
of sadness; I know I always will. But I have decided that
in the process of grieving we close so many doors, the
only way to recovery is to reopen them gradually at our
own pace.
I know I will never be the same person I was before the
death of my child, but I hope eventually in some ways I
will be a better person because suffering can be beneficial
if we learn and grow through it. A year ago I didn’t feel
that way, and I know I still have a long way to go, but in
the meantime, I know the greatest tribute to my child will
be to enjoy this summer as he would have done.
~Libby Gonzales, TCF Huntsville, AL
From the Editor:
While I am aware of the many ways profound grief can
take shape, I did not realize until the past few months that
a crisis of confidence can be created. A serious crisis. A
questioning of everything you thought you had learned or
mastered or had come to understand. No longer am I
confident of my beliefs, my values, my view of the
world. I am unsure of my decisions and my actions. I
worry that I am no longer capable of maintaining healthy
and honest relationships. Once upon a time, I felt that I
had grown: through experience and mistakes and
sometimes through accomplishment, hard work and
discipline. While I have never seen myself as naturally
insightful, I believed I had acquired some wisdom, some
ability to navigate through the world. But now I relate
more to Sgt. Schultz of the Hogan’s Heroes TV show: “I
know nothing.” If I offer an opinion, it is offered more
tentatively. So, add loss of confidence to the pile of
losses. Add it on.
~Peggi Johnson
The Compassionate Friends
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 Facebook
 Twitter
 Chat rooms
877-969-0010
Survivors of Suicide
www.suivivorsofsuicide.com
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
www.afsp.org
888-333-2377
Parents of Murdered Children
www.natipomc@aol.com
888-818-7662
Haven of Northern Virginia
www.havenofnova.org
703-941-7000
CrisisLink
www.crisislink.org
703-527-4077
SHARE (pregnancy & infant loss support)
www.nationalshareoffice.com
800-821-6819
MISS Foundation (miscarriage, stillborns, infant loss
support)
www.missfoundation.org.
local chapter: www.dcmissfoundaton.org
703-728-8446 Roberta Quirk
Washington Regional Transplant Community
www.beadonor.org
703-641-0100
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
800-273-8255 (TALK)
Page 10
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
July 2011
Matthew Rand Robert Gaber
Renard Anthony Harris
Adam Seymour
July 2
July 2
July 2
Cathy Gaber
Pamela Williams-Walker
Beverly and Jim Seymour
Prince William
DC
Fairfax
Peter M. DeGrazia
July 3
John and Corrine DeGrazia
Prince William
Elizabeth Gibson
Brad Hampton
July 4
July 4
Joanne Gibson
Beth Hampton
Arlington
Arlington
Christopher Buro
July 5
Kathy and Ronald Brandel
Fairfax
Nicholas Freeman
Matthew Harrington Hale
July 5
July 6
Cecelia Freeman
Susanne Hale
Fairfax
Leesburg
Michael Santiago
July 6
Melinda and Carlos Santiago
Fairfax
Nancy Kathleen "Kate" Hagopian
July 8
Dave and Mary Hagopian
Arlington
Jarrod Weston
Samuel Jermaine Blanks
July 10
July 11
Meggan Strasbaugh
Samuel and Betty Blanks
Fairfax
DC
John David Lindsay
July 12
Elizabeth Lindsay
Arlington
Marc Gordon Thomas
Michael Durgala
July 12
July 14
Gordon and Barbel Thomas
Mary Durgala
Arlington
Fairfax
Joshua Butler
July 16
David Butler
Fairfax
David Yoo
Silecia Darlington
July 16
July 17
Karen Yoo
Jean Darlington
Arlington
DC
Daniel Joseph Pawlak
July 17
Debbie and Joe Pawlak
Reston
Ryan Lopynski
Jennifer Rebecca Toler
July 18
July 18
Jeremy Lopynski
Carol Brinegar
Fairfax
Prince William
Sarah Renee Carter
July 19
Susan Carter
Fairfax
Andrew O'Brien
July 19
Prince William
Paige Mackenzie Johnson
July 20
Missy O'Brien
Kay and Roger Lavallee, Trish and
David Stoskus, Matt Johnson
Shey Allen
July 21
Darcel and Josh Allen
Fairfax
Sean Campbell
Eirik Jon Jespersen
July 21
July 22
Donald and Madelyn Campbell
Nils and Beth Jespersen
Arlington
Leesburg
Patricia Lynn "Patti" Schmid
July 22
Arlington
Todd Coder
July 23
Stuart and Sharon Schmid
Courtney and Josh Coder,
Cheryl and Tony Coder
Adam Christopher Smoot
July 23
Lynn Burwitz
Prince William
Christopher Michael Diegelmann
July 26
Denise and Mike Diegelmann
Reston
Will Foreman
Patrick Donoghue
July 27
July 28
Louise and Mark Foreman
Shannon Donoghue
Fairfax
Arlington
Klara Morgan Knight
July 28
Ken Knight
Prince William
Korri Summer Duffield
Mario St. George Boiardi
July 29
July 30
Troy and Samantha Duffield
Deborah and Mario Boiardi
Prince William
Arlington
Jason Clover
July 30
Cheryl Clover
Fairfax
David Evans Hobson
Brandon Perle
July 31
July 31
Anne Shattuck
Patricia and Michael Perle
Leesburg
Fairfax
Daniel Selmonosky
July 31
Sonia and Carlos Selmomosky
Arlington
Leesburg/Fairfax
Fairfax
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
July 2011
Page 11
Ryan Marie Boykin
July 1
Alyssia Cage
July 1
Julia and Bruce Boykin
June Barry
Carol Moran
Lynn Stephanie Densen
July 1
Betty Densen
Reston
Douglas Wayne Hosier
July 2
Wayne and June Hosier
Arlington
Camarie Glover
July 3
Sharonda Glover
Fairfax
Amanda Harpin
July 3
Paul and Martha Harpin
Fairfax
Brandon Perle
July 3
Patricia and Michael Perle
Fairfax
Renee Parkinson
July 4
Natalie Parkinson
Leesburg
Suhail "Sid" Chowdhury
July 6
Anwar and Patricia Chowdhury
Prince William
Matthew Coffelt
July 7
Debbie Coffelt
Leesburg
Danny Frank
July 7
Nancy and Mike Frank
Fairfax
Eirik Jon Jespersen
July 8
Nils and Beth Jespersen
Leesburg
Matthew Sean Clem
July 9
Suzann Clem
Leesburg
Cody DuWayne Pollard
July 9
Andrea Pollard
Prince William
Arlington/Fairfax
Fairfax
Sevi Suerdem
July 10
Demet and Taclan Suerdem
Reston
Eric Alexander Jones
July 13
Patty and Ralph Jones
Reston
Erin Stanfield
July 14
Jack and Susan Stanfield
Fairfax
Patrick Ryan Gay
July 15
Pam and Tom Gay
Prince William
Robert Whiddon
July 17
Donna and Robert St. Pierre
Leesburg
Maxwell Harmon
July 19
Rana and William Harmon
Arlington
Kasey Haynes
July 20
Elizabeth DiCristifaro
Fairfax
Claire Alexis Sachse
July 20
Kathleen and Brett Sachse
Fairfax
Greg Snellings
July 21
Kristen Snellings
Fairfax
Trevor Stokol
July 22
C. Jodi Stokol
Arlington
David Patricio Castro
July 23
Patricio and Clementina Castro Fairfax
Patrick Donoghue
July 23
Shannon Donoghue
Arlington
Holt Weeks
July 23
Linton and Jan Taylor Weeks
Fairfax
Stone Weeks
July 23
Linton and Jan Taylor Weeks
Fairfax
Jennifer Coyne
July 24
Julie and Burton Simonds
Leesburg
Angela Gardner
July 24
Liz and Gerry Gardner
Fairfax
Eric Monday
July 26
Penny Rossi
Fairfax
Darnell Smith Jr.
July 26
Tanya Smith
DC
Mark Robert Fracasso Jr.
July 27
Michele and Mark Fracasso
Fairfax
Klara Morgan Knight
July 28
Ken Knight
Prince William
Nancy Kathleen Hagopian
July 29
Dave and Mary Hagopian
Arlington
Alex Leonard
July 29
Liz Kestler
Fairfax
Marc Gordon Thomas
July 29
Gordon and Barbel Thomas
Arlington
LaShaun Maria Parker
July 30
Lori and Barbara Parker
DC
If there are any errors or omissions in the two Our Children Remembered pages,
please contact your local chapter leadership so our data bases can be corrected.
Compassionate Friends
5533 North 16th Street
Arlington, VA 22205
Trinity Presbyterian Church
NONPROFIT ORG
U.S.POSTAGE
PAID
ARLINGTON, VA
PERMIT NO.348
Address Service Requested
“Grief and sadness knits two hearts in closer bonds than
happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger
than common joys.”
-Alphonse de Lamartine
July 2011