Volume 5, Issue 32 - Happy Hour Kickball

On the Cover:
Cheryl, shows what she will do to
any Swiss person who gets in her
way.
Winter 2012
January 26, 2012
Volume 5, Issue 32 (#155)
Week 3 is gone!
And what a week! Can you believe how it went?
I can’t, mostly because I was hit in the head, and
not in the good one, the good one being yours
and not mine.
Got some good recaps and a guest recapper to
the Duck Dodgers recap as we have both weeks
this season. Thanks to Jeannie for that.
Also, another caption contest in the books, and I
loved the participation. Thanks for your creative
juices being unleashed on the pic each week,
one day, all of Facebook will join in. Or no, who
gives a crap.
This weekend is the Beer OH Lympics, making a
triumphant return after a year and change in
hibernation. I look forward to seeing everyone
coming, and all the vomiting and laughter.
Get a team if you don’t have one and get your
ass to the Barking Dog on Saturday!
See you there!
Chris, John and Marty
In this Issue:
Editors Note
Standings
Actual and Factual News
Caption Contest Competition
Weekly Game Recaps
Leon vs. Deon: The Editorial Battle Continues
This Week’s Schedule
Next Week’s Schedule
The History of HHKB Invented Beer Games
The Morning to Come!
In this Issue:
Page 2
Page 2
Page 3
Page 3
Page 4
Page 6
Page 7
Page 7
Page 8
Page 9
Happy Hour Dodgeball Standings
W
L
T
Teenage Mutant Dodging
Ballers
3
0
0
I’d Hit That
2
1
0
Balls, Throws,
N’ Harmony
2
1
0
Duck Dodgers
and the 24th
and Half Century
2
1
0
PDEs
1
2
0
Ballcanic Eruptions
1
2
0
Team Lightning
1
2
0
BOOYAKASHA
0
3
0
Actual and Factual News that we
did NOT make up!
HHKB Caption Contest Winner
Check out the HHKB Google Calendar for all your special
dates!
Saturday, January 28—The Beer OH lympics! Let me know
if you want to start a team and get ready for so much beer
gaming fun your head will spin.
Friday, February 17—Left Field Sports 5th birthday party at
the Barking Dog from 7pm—11pm, be sure to bring us a gift.
Wednesday, February 22—Happy Hour Bowling season 4
registration opens! Cost is $120 a person for the season and
that covers 8 weeks of bowling and lots of fun. Bowling will
take place at Bowlmor (formerly Strike Bethesda) and roll on
Thursday nights starting in March! If you’re interested in
starting a team, let us know so you can reserve a spot!
February 2012—Happy Hour Kickball (Wednesday nights)
and Happy Hour Softball (Monday nights) Registration
Opens!
Saturday, March 10—The 4th Annual Red Line Crawl begins
at 12pm at a bar in Bethesda (either the BD or TommyJoes).
Be on the lookout for a hooded sweatshirt email to be sure
you get yours. I’ve seen this year’s design, it’s the best yet,
plus, black sweatshirts!
Weather Cancellation
In the case of a snow or ice out, the website will be updated
by 4:30 pm, the day of the game as will the Twitter feed, the
Facebook Page and the Weather line (202-415-2843). If the
snow or ice out occurs after 4:30 pm, the division heads will
contact captains, or the appointed contact persons, and it will
be the captains’ responsibility to inform their respective
teams.
Referees
Each must provide a referee, either for the 8:30 pm game if
you are playing at 9:30 pm or for the 9:30 pm game if you are
playing at 8:30 pm. Failure to provide a referee will count as
a forfeit.
Forfeit Policy
Only really occur if you have less than 4 people, this will be
very difficult to accomplish, so we don’t think this should be
an issue.
The Winning Caption:
Gary Lyst ‎"You thought the UMD football uniforms
were bad, look at the badminton uniform shorts"
January 20 at 3:32pm · Like ·
6
Congratulations to Gary L for winning this week’s
caption contest gathering 6 Likes!
Thanks to Chiller for being a good sport and thanks to
everyone who provided stellar commentary.
Be on the lookout for another pic to be captioned tomorrow afternoon!
The Morning After…
www.happyhourkickball.com
Page 3
HHDB Week 3 Results
Balls, Throwns N’
Harmony
Ballcanic Eruptions
11
2
Burnt ORANGE vs Our Old
Color
By Chris H and Justin S
His arm is tired,
My balls are blue,
Too sore for a recap,
Sucks to be you.
Short shorts worked in the sense that there is more mobility
of dodging. However, it doesn’t increase your jumping ability,
speed, or muscled movement range to necessarily take
advantage of their stylish short-ness.
A couple arguments with the ref, a couple not so close losses,
and a week to forget. Champions’ have short memories,
sometimes even shorter than this writeup.
Oh Yeah!
By Glen C
Team BTH started down multiple players due to suspensions
for PEDs. Like a wild animal backed into a corner, BTH came
out fighting. The strategy was simple, aim for the family
jewels! The plan worked as many of the people from the
opposing team lay crumpled on the ground. Notice to the
rest of the league - bring a cup! Not the same ones you use
for drinking games though.
My understanding is that Team BTH totally did not take
banned substances to enhance their performance. They just
took some of the pills in Ryan Braun's medicine cabinet. I
think the idea of people wearing a red solo cup as a cod
piece is a fabulous idea. Obviously you would wear the codpiece on top of some other garment. I am looking at you,
The Morning After…
www.happyhourkickball.com
Chiller.You know that scene in Billy Madison where the
weaselly guy wearing track shorts falls off of the bench after
the 100 yard dash and the two kids see his balls? "Oh,
gross... did you see that guys balls?" "Yeah... they were
weird looking." That one? Yeah, I spent last Thursday night
trying to avoid a reenactment of that scene. O'Doyle rules.
HHDB Week 3 Results
Team Lightning
BOOYAKASHA
9
7
Oh Yeah!
By Jeannie D
BOOM!!! That's the sound 5 seconds after LIGHTNING strikes
a mile away. It was also the sound of Team LIGHTNING's first
ever regular season win. It was a stormy affair- black team
against grey team with the scent of alcohol in the air on the
black team's side. "I guess all those hours training with the
Shake Weight finally paid off."- says an anonymous lightning
bolt. Against all odds, Jeannie-the-honey-badger-Dion
caught a ball between her legs. "Don't tell my mom...
hehehe." Although the lightning bolts secured a comfortable
8-5 lead, we soon found our lead was gradually sliding
over like an Italian cruise ship for the last match (8-7). Luckily
Davey (from the Navy) harnessed his maritime pirate hunting
skills and refused to abandon ship. Victory was ours!
Finally. BOOOM!
Oh Yeah!
By Chris M
Ok… so last week didn’t work out so great. Our team had a lot
of heart and a lot of fight but we lost in the last game to let
Team Lightning escape with a victory. Our MVP/gameball had
to be split between Adrienne and Mike Ryan because so many
people played great it was hard to pick just one… so go those
two!!! This week we have Ballcanic Eruptions, who I watched
Page 4
get massacred last week… So I’m expecting another close
contest for our team. I told everyone that since we played so
well and lost so many games with just one or two players left
on each side… we all now knew what the Washington
Redskins feel like. On a side note… couldn’t be happier the
regular football season is over and that the Ravens finally got
ousted. Their fans annoy me lol. My football hatred goes like
this:




I only like one team… that’s the skins baby
The teams I hate absolutely more than anyone else
ever are the Cowboys and Packers
Then comes the divisional foes Giants and Eagles plus
the Steelers, Patriots and Ravens.
This area comprises the rest of the NFL… I hate the
rest of the teams equally lol.
And there you have it… ending with something that has
nothing to do with dodgeball. Oh my…
You know who enjoys a good honey badger reference?
Brent Musburger. I just imagine sitting in his house, chilling
watching that thing on Youtube all the live long day,
probably on an IPad that he calls a magic video show-er
thing. Then kids walk onto his lawn, and he gets mad,
demands apple sauce and a good bit of linament and lentil
soup. Will this win hurt Lightning, maybe, I don’t know and
to be honest, it only kept me up two nights last week.
Football hatred is an odd thing, mostly because that all
takes a lot of effort, but it’s good to put your feelings
someplace. I used to hate broccoli, now I can’t get enough
of it. How about that?!
HHDB Week 3 Results
Duck Dodgers, etc.
I’d Hit That
Perfection is for the Birds...
6
8
This past week, Duck Dodgers was defeated by the purple
team. I refuse to give colors modifiers unless it falls under
the category of dark, light, or neon. Thanks to Mike for
swatches, I now know what a color is and what it is not.
Don’t give me state names or textures, I’m not interested. So
the only royal purple applies to Prince. You should see Albers
sing Purple rain, it will make you weep.
Also, Stopher is growing a glorious beard that should have its
own Twitter feed, something that I would check routinely. It
could show up on a bloopers show when it has sushi stuck in
it. Fear his beard people, it can throw a dodgeball as well and
it takes no prisoners.
Last week was Cheryl’s last game, she will be missed but she
gets to go to Switzerland, land of clocks, chocolate, banking
and fondue. And not that shitty fondue you find at The
Melting Pot, which might as well change its name to Olive
Garden.
God that place makes me want to have Stopher’s beard
attack it.
Maybe Albers should have sung Purple rain during the
match- it would have presented the purple team with an
element of surprise and overwhelming emotion. It was
probably the only way to defeat purple.
By the way is Duck Dodgers Texas Orange? Are there any
official rules about mid-season trades? Because I'd like to
join Duck Dodgers just so I can get a burnt orange shirt. I
love that color! I went to the University of Texas just so I
could augment my wardrobe with more burnt orange
articles of clothing.
But for the trade to be fair, you'd have to send over a
similiarly gifted player to Team Lightning (aka the Black
Team). Got any girls who can catch balls between their
legs? If you're not in fact burnt orange- don't you see the
confusion you cause by omitting the modifiers- just saying.
Speaking of offical rules, what does it say about dodgeballs
grazing massive beards?
Does it count as an out? Or is it considered a head shot?
By Chris B
The Morning After…
www.happyhourkickball.com
Page 5
Point-Counter Point-Point with Bacchanaleon, God of Kickball and
Deon, God of Dodgeball
Happy Hour Dodgeball and Kickball have their respective gods, Leon for kickball, Deon for dodgeball. They’re brothers, and their names rhyme, that’s about all they have in common. Leon works 7 months out of the year, Deon 3.
Leon is older and seemingly more responsible. Deon is younger, doesn’t give a crap about anyone but him and is
known to piss his older brother off. Leon enjoys boozing and loves the players who love and pray to him, Deon enjoys
boozing and hates all of you. Over the next 8 issues these two will debate a certain topic and perhaps impart some
wisdom, but will certainly entertain.
This week the question was, “It’s Oscar season, who do you think is going to win?
So, the Oscars nominees are out. Do you know why they are
called "Oscars"? Me neither. To be honest, your old buddy
Leon hasn't seen many of the nominated movies this year. I
saw the Gary Oldham movie, which I found confusing, because I
am pretty sure Batman did not make a single appearance. That
is not to say that I don't like movie theaters. Oh, but I do. I like
sitting in the back row of a poorly attended movie with a
favorite paramour and cutting a hole in the bottom of the
popcorn bucket. Man, it has been a long time since I had a
good groping session at the movies. You have to make sure
you pick the right movie though. You don't want to be rounding second base and
heading to third during a screening of Old Yeller. Unless you are sick. Not like fun,
kinky sick. I mean GOP candidate sick. There are plenty of mindless movies out
there where you can give your companion a thorough frisking without incurring any
feelings of guilt. Pretty much any movie starring Mark Wahlberg is an excellent
candidate for this. I someone from Bridesmaids managed to garner a supporting
actress nominee. What the hell happened to Maya Rudolph. She looks like she has
been stealing all of Kristen Wiig's food. I mean, I know she was pregnant, but 3 years
seems like a long time to come to term. I expected more out of that movie. If it
really was women's answer to the Hangover, well, then I am disappointed in
women. I mean, one of the movie's notable scenes involves [Spoiler Alert!] a woman
defecating in the middle of the street while wearing a wedding dress. Talk about
putting your business out in the street. Leon likes to think of the ladies as delicate
flowers. Though not too delicate. Also resilient, flexible, feisty, that sort of
thing. So, Leon's review of Oscar nominated films during which to stick your hands
down someone else's pants.
The Artist: No. Silent Movie. People will be able to hear your heavy breathing.
The Descendants: I hear this is depressing. But George Clooney is in it And he is
ever so handsome.
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close: While the title sounds promising, you might be
better off just staying home and renting Schindler's List or something.
The Help: Is this movie racist? I don't know. It kind of seems like it might be a movie
that makes white people feel better about racism. If I see you fooling around in the
back, I'm going to assume you have a thing for oppression.
Hugo: No. Kids movie. Creepy. And doesn't even appear to have a hot Disney
princess in it.
Midnight in Paris: Probably a decent candidate here. Though Woody Allen's
neuroticism can probably be a mood killer. You can probably talk yourself in to
thinking you are at least as good looking as Owen Wilson though.
Moneyball: Baseball and Brad Pitt. Everyone wins. Though there will probably be a
lot of dude's in the theater with you. Guys will be able to tell what you are up
to. And I can't escape the feeling that Jonah Hill would be watching.
Tree of Life: No clue what this is about. Read the synopsis. Still no clue what this is
about. Seems existential. Though, isn't everything? Go see Haywire: Ghost Protocol
or something instead.
War Horse: If you're dating Catherine the Great or someone else who has a thing for
horses, saddle up and go to the whip.
And there you have it, Leon's Oscar reviews for people going to the movies to not
actually watch the movie. And, remember, if you are going to cut that hole in the
popcorn bucket, do not, I repeat, do not get hot butter.
The Morning After…
www.happyhourkickball.com
www.happyhourkickball.com
Its Oscar season people, and I bet you’re
all so excited to see those awards given
out to those actors, actresses, producers
and directors. I bet you like watching
what Grips get nominated as well…
perverts.
But why do you care about the Oscars?
The people being honored wouldn’t give
a crap to watch a show about you getting
nominated for best crossing guard and
potentially winning or losing.
These people don’t care about you. Especially Charlize
Theron, she HATES all of you. But Deon hates her for you,
and hates her so hard it makes his godly, lovely hands bleed.
She is worse than most every person that acts out there. In
fact, she is worse than the dog in the Air Bud films. That dog
is a giant prima donna. That little dog gets more perks than
any actor out there.
Do you know how much money he brings in?!
He’s like a horse that wins races. Air Bud’s kids are going to
be making sick money for whoever “owns” them. Because
really Air Bud is the one with the real power out there.
You don’t believe me? Well that’s just silly on your part.
Deon doesn’t lie, he may exaggerate, but lie, no not ever.
Why would I need to?
Anyway, back to Air Bud.
That dog has its airline, can you believe that? This is an
animal that rubs its ass all over the place when it has an itch
down there. You know who Air Bud hates though, is that
dog from The Artist. That dog won a Golden Globe, and
didn’t have to do anything other than stand there and be a
dog. Air Bud has to wear shoes and dunk.
At the end of the day, you didn’t come here to read about
dogs, you wanted Deon’s take on the Oscars and my take is
get a life, don’t support those rich jerks…except for the dog
from the Artist, he’s a real hero.
Page 6
Week 3 Results
Time
Date
Home Team
Away Team
Court
Thu 1/19/2012
8:30 PM
PDEs (4)
Teenage Mutant Dodging
Ballers (8)
Court 1
Thu 1/19/2012
8:30 PM
Balls, Throws, N' Harmony (11)
Ballcanic Eruptions (2)
Court 2
Thu 1/19/2012
9:30 PM
I'd Hit That (8)
Duck Dodgers in the 24thand-a-half Century (6)
Court 1
Thu 1/19/2012
9:30 PM
BOOYAKASHA (7)
Team Lightning (9)
Court 2
Week 4 Schedule
Time
Date
Home Team
Away Team
Court
Thu 1/26/2012
8:30 PM
Duck Dodgers in the 24th-and-a-half
Century
Balls, Throws, N' Harmony
Court 1
Thu 1/26/2012
8:30 PM
I'd Hit That
PDEs
Court 2
Thu 1/26/2012
9:30 PM
Teenage Mutant Dodging Ballers
Team Lightning
Court 1
Thu 1/26/2012
9:30 PM
Ballcanic Eruptions
BOOYAKASHA
Court 2
The Morning After…
www.happyhourkickball.com
Page 7
The History of HHKB Invented Beer Games
In the past, HHKB has
played and invented many
drinking games, it’s true,
more than any other league
in the entire Kickball World.
Why you would be
wondering or considering
the outside kickball world
confuses me however.
The Beer Relay circa 2007
First off there was the Beer
Relay, this is a Beer OH
Lympics Staple and combines all the skills one would
need if they were to have a beer gaming interview. It
includes Flip Cup, You Got Served, Pong and Chugging
a Pitcher and to top it off, the Beer Bong of Doom. All
skills a well rounded drinker needs.
Then there was Drink Flip
Run. Drink Flip Run
requires four tables, and a
cup for each person running
around said tables at each
table. You and three (or 7 if
you’re playing team Drink,
Flip, Run) start off at
different table, once the bell Drink-Flip-Run, circa Fall
rings you drink your cup, flip 2007
it and then head over to the
next table and do this 4 times until a winner finishes first.
The first version had four total cups around the inside of
each table. This was then changed to 8 as the outside
of the tables were included. Finally, it was taken up
another level with the inclusion of a relay race where
teammates drank a cup, and tagged a waiting partner at
each table, this included 4 cups per person.
Then there was Flong. Flong
was invented due to a lack of
beer, and small cups. It
combines the best of Flip Cup
and Pong. You get to flip a cup
and to throw a pong ball into a
pyramid as well, including
rebuttals, picking and pointing.
Flong Circa 2008
The Morning After…
www.happyhourkickball.com
Eventually a full cup faceoff
comes about and everyone
smiles.
The Survivor Board of
Champs
During the Summer of 2009,
the Board of Champions
came about. The Board was
incorporated into our Weekly
Survivor match, that pitted as
many people as we could
around the tables. The Board
requires skill and a steady hand,
the steady hand is usually the
tricky part.
In the Fall of 2009 HHKB started
playing Danger Zone, a fun
game if you have about 2 hours
of free time. But like most good Danger Flip!
games it had to be tweaked, so
now instead of just tossing pong balls across a table you
had to take a drink from your cup every third throw (or
every throw) to speed the game up. This worked
famously and the game has been
a hit ever since!
Our latest game was brought to
us from the brain of Seamus,
Survivor Quarters is just what it
sounds like. It combines
quarters (or You Got Served)
Survivor Quarters
with Survivor Flip Cup. Basically Circa 2010
4 players are standing around
one shot glass and have to knock their three quarters
into the glass before anyone else. The person who
comes in last is eliminated. That person’s quarters are
then redistributed to the remaining 3 players, while the
losing player puts down a pint of beer. The game then
continues thusly until there is one grand Survivor who
has not been served! This is a great, glorious and
addictive game!
So there you have it, the newest HHKB invented
drinking game. Are you interested in getting down? I
know that you are!
Page 8
The Morning After…
www.happyhourkickball.com
Page 9