Journaling through Grief: Finding Your Relief Valve

Support
Education
Hope
Volume 121, Issue 3
Fall 2012
Journaling through Grief: Finding Your Relief Valve
By Amy Lyon
Table of
Contents
Journaling through
Grief
1-2
2012 Vine & Dine
2
Remembering Our
Babies
3
The mind really can be like a steel trap. Our thoughts and feelings swirl around inside our heads
without an outlet, causing a buildup of pressure and grief—especially in a situation as devastating as the
loss of a loved one.
But there is a relief valve: putting your thoughts on paper.
Walk for the Future
4-5
Memorial/Donations
6
General Donations
7
Foundation Activities
8
New Year’s
Resolutions for Those
who Grieve
9
Journaling is a form of self-expression that comes with no rules, boundaries or expectations that
anyone else will ever read what you write. But by getting those thoughts out of your head and onto
paper, you open your mind to valuable insight and healing.
How journaling has helped me. When my daughter, Isabelle, passed away in 2007, I had gallons of
guilt stored up inside of me. I shouldn’t have brought her to daycare that day. I shouldn’t have put her in that
outfit. I should have told her I loved her one more time…
I let the guilt simmer up there for a day or two before I opened my notebook cranked that valve wide
open and let my feelings spill onto the blank pages. In the beginning, there were only words:
“devastated,” “shattered,” “depressed,” and frequently the question, “Why?” But then came the
sentences: “I feel like there’s an empty void inside me that will never be filled…” And eventually there
were paragraphs.
As I scribbled on the pages, not caring about the legibility of my writing, I felt the pressure ease out of
my head and felt the constrains loosen around my chest. I allowed myself the time I needed to feel
sad or angry or lost without apologizing for those feelings. Instead, I encouraged them. Armed with
my pen and paper, I had a newfound weapon to help me stand up against the loneliness of grief.
Time has passed, four-and-a-half years, and the sharp edges of loss have softened a bit for me, but I
continue to write in a journal. Sometimes I incorporate photos or drawings into the pages when words
are hard to find. My entries have changed as my journey has changed, but the benefits remain the
same.
I often write before bed, taking 15 minutes or so to clear the clutter from my head. Other times I give
myself a writing prompt to help me reach deeper into the moments I treasure the most.
Wishing you and
your family joy
and peace this
holiday season!!
Getting started. Finding a journal in which to record my thoughts is my favorite part. Barnes and
Noble has an incredible selection, but a simple notebook will do the trick if you want to get started
right away. The only rule is that you refrain from judging the words you choose to use. Write freely.
This journal is for you, not for an audience.
Journaling through Grief continues on page 2.
1
Iowa SIDS Foundation
Journaling
through
Grief: Finding Your Relief Valve
Education
Brochures/CJ
Grant
Continued from Page 1
Here are some ideas to get you started:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Write one word for the most prevalent emotion you feel right now, then write a brief
paragraph describing the details of that emotion to someone who has never
experienced it before.
Heaven’s Mailbox: Write a letter addressed to your child. You can write about your
day, share a favorite memory about him or her, or tell your child the things you miss
most.
Letter Poem: Write letters of your child’s name vertically on your journal page, then
write a word or sentence using that first letter.
Timed Writing: Set a timer for eight minutes and write continuously about the day
you found the best outfit or toy for your baby.
Treasured Moment: Recall a treasured moment. Draw lines to divide your paper into
five sections labeled “Hear,” “See,” “Smell,” “Taste,” and “Feel.” Close your eyes and focus on one
sense at a time. When you’re ready, write down words and sentences related to that sense.
Whether you’ve just experienced your loss or you’re 10, 15, 20 or more years out, journaling can act as the relief
valve to help release some of the burden that often weighs to heavily on our minds as we continue to move
along in our journeys.
Amy Lyon is the author of “Only God Knows Why: A Mother’s Memoir of Death and Rebirth.” She lives in Prior
Lake, Minnesota with her husband Chad, son Wyatt, and angel in Heaven, Isabelle. www.amylyon.com
Sixth Annual Vine & Dine Wine Pairing Held November 2nd
The sixth annual Vine & Dine wine pairing dinner and silent auction
was held on Friday, November 2nd at the Davenport Country Club.
This annual event featured a multi course meal paired with an accompanying wine, a crib sponsorship program, and silent auction.
The event was attended by over 170 participants and grossed approximately $25,000. The evening was coordinated and hosted by Dan and
Diana Kueter, Lance and Jenny Leslie, Steve and Betsy VanDerSchaaf,
and Frank and Shelley Zucker.
Premier sponsors for this annual event included Genesis Health
System and United Healthcare. MutualMed participated as a corporate
sponsor.
Special thanks to those community sponsors, the evening’s hosts and
hostesses and all those that attended to support the Iowa SIDS
Foundation in our mission to provide grief support to bereaved families, safe sleep education to Iowa’s childcare and healthcare providers,
and to assist in providing funds to support research into SIDS and
SUID.
2
Iowa SIDS Foundation
January
Remembering Our Babies
November
Sophie Ann Kracht
Taryn Suzanne Tuttle
Jaelyn Macie Jo See
Easton Steele Sims
Tanner Richard Skelton
Sydney Ann Davidson
Matthew Thomas Samuelson
Anthony Allan Appley
Nathaniel Charles Seymour
Tjay Scott VanLangen
Jacob Alexander Boles
December
Alyssa Renee Lux
Isaac Paul Gellett
Robin Carrell Beimer
Catherine Louise Jacoby
Tyler Wayne Williams
Kennedi Eve Sherwood
Brock Adam Gould
Ashlee E. Kallsen
November
Elizabeth Grace Atzen
Dawson John Lewis
Johnathan Danial Prescott
Cody Michael Coleman
Laikyn Allyn Shutts
Nathaniel Frederick Borelli
Warren Edwin White
Rylee Alizabeth Erwin
Devon Owen Tripp
Beth Marie Stukerjurgen
Shelby Jo McConnell
Abigail K. Mar
McKensie Lynn Wakeman
DaeShawn Marquis
Rodriguez
Jared John Smith
December
Kyle Anthony Timmons
Quinten Matis
Cara Lynn Eddie
Kayla Sue Brewer
December
Andy Duane Whiteside
Preston Douglas Spahn
Keaton James Wirtz
Camden Ray O’Connor
Nekeia L. Hunt
Jaxton Daniel Plathe
January
Derek Steinkamp
Benjamin David Person
Matthew Paul Eckerman
Lane Kurt Carter
Skyler Eugene Smith
Cael David Burmeister
Kai Maurice Barnhill-Philius
Logan James Lamoreux
Dalton James Bixby
Austin Micheal Vogt
Gavyn Scott Judd
Joseph Landon Blades
Justice Marie Ruthann Newsom
December
Isaac Thomas Pressley
Max David Bushlack
Cael David Burmeister
Jackson Andrew Mueller
Ryder Martin Harnish
Shane Adam Tate
Abigail Ilene Knoop
Jaelyn Macie Jo See
Noah James Zarate
January
Shialoh Marie Christopher
Jacob Anthony Lipski
Dylan Peter Christian Andersen
Robert Carl Davis III
Isaac Paul Gellett
Sydney Ann Davidson
Ariel Faith Rattler
Hailey Erin Lincoln
Zachary Kyle Renaud
Robin Carrell Beimer
Kory Lynn Dunkin
3
James Allen Magruder
Frederick Robert ‘Robbie’
Dean Mortimer III
February
Hannah Jo Blair
Tanner Lee Port
Kenneth Edward Giffin
Danika Jo James
Lauren Elizabeth Nichole Viaene
Abigail K. Mar
Christopher Scott Evans
David Mikel Logan
Rowan James Dolezal
Elizabeth “Ellie” Christine
Williams
Alec John Schlotfeldt
Jackson Andrew Mueller
Alyssa Coulbourn
Grant Philip Evans
Tysen Jacob Imbus
Izzabella Marie Tambornino
Rylan Joseph Ogden
Tyree R. Barnes
January
Gunner Jacob Alex Nail
Tyler Wayne Williams
Cody James Beck
Taryn Suzanne Tuttle
Kai Maurice Barnhill-Philius
Andy Duane Whiteside
Jessica Lynne Otto
Easton Steele Sims
February
Peyton Jo Lehman
Kaleb Dean Hargens
Nekeia L. Hunt
Skyler Eugene Smith
Ryan Allen Robinson
Jadin Diane Vega
Justin Evan Miller
Samantha Alina Parks
Jacob Alexander Boles
Matthew Thomas Samuelson
Ashlee E. Kallsen
Alexa Jean Jonas
Matthew James Avery
Iowa SIDS Foundation
As dark clouds lingered and slowly rolled across the state, we were
fortunate that the rain held off until the last walk was finishing
announcing their raffle winners. The 13th annual Walk for the
Future was held on Saturday, August 25th in seven cities, with two
locations adding a 5K run. Statewide, the funds raised at the 2012
walk will be used to support the services and resources provided by
the Iowa SIDS Foundation, including our annual research contribution!
Walk day is only possible because of the communities that support
the event through corporate donations, raffle prizes, and donations
of supplies and refreshments. Special thanks to each person or
business who made a choice to support the walk.
Finally, it is with sincere appreciation, admiration, and gratitude that
the Foundation takes this opportunity to thank the numerous
dedicated, committed and passionate volunteers that give countless
hours and share their talents to organize each of the local walks!
Whether you volunteered or walked in memory of a special
baby or you participate simply for hope or to support
another, or both, thank you for participating in the
2012 Walk for the Future!
2012 Locations:
Ankeny
Cedar Rapids
Mason City
Quad Cities
Sioux City
Washington
What Cheer
4
Iowa SIDS Foundation
SPECIAL THANKS to
the 2012
Walk Sponsors
Gold
Jeneary Dental
Modern Woodmen of America
NCMIC
Cale Mark Y
o
Aug ndars, N ur
ust 2
o
4, 2 w!
013
Media
93.9 KIA-FM The Country Moose
Kiss 107 FM
KG95
Super Hits 102.7
Silver
Children’s Dental Center of Mason City
Corporate Farmer
Grinnell Mutual Reinsurance Company
LS2 Group
Quality Plus Feeds, Inc.
Stairway to the Stars
The Group
Transamerica
TrueNorth Insurance
Bronze
American Bank, LeMars
Beaton Inc. - Burger King
Casey’s General Stores, Inc.
Cedar Rapids Bank & Trust
Dr. Tim and Carol Dettmer
Fareway Food Stores
LeMars Sertoma Club
Mahaska Health Partnership
Major Erickson Funeral Home
MEDICAP Pharmacy, Ankeny
Quality Construction Services, Inc.
Zany Janie Entertainment
If you are interested in hosting a walk in your community or would like to be actively involved as a
volunteer at one of the current walk locations, please contact the office at info@iowasids.org or call Patty at 866-480-4741.
5
Iowa SIDS Foundation
Memorials and Donations
In Memory Of
Elizabeth Grace Atzen
M. Ward and Evelyn Dorothy
Deborah Duffy
Barbara Hunt
Mason James Bauer
Rachael Bauer
Sarah Specht
Nate Borelli
Judy Borelli
Rob Borelli
Ryan Michael Burris
The Wellmark Foundation
Janice Burris Matching Gift
Susan Lee Matching Gift
Max David Bushlack
Amanda Freese
Leandra Daye Cranston
Lee and Mindee Cranston
Scott Cranston
Joey Cusick
Amy Callahan
Dr. William and Betty Cusick
David Cusick
Jonathan Oscar Danner
Valerie McCulley
Sydney Ann Davidson
Karen Cooper
Cole Alexander Davis
Harriet Gasway
Tammy Odell
Jasmine and Mickey Wu
Teagon Lee Fowler
Billie Myers
Brock Adam Gould
Randy and Barbara Gould
Steven and Lisa Gray
Natalie McNaught
Kenna Reese Henss
Sandy Heidemann
Jeffrey Scott Groves
Deborah Duffy
Steven Michael Jeneary
Patti Bollin
Greg Jeneary
Elmer and Alma Maass
Wayne and Judith Maass
Beth Peters
Kevin and Janine Russell
Peyton Jo Lehman
Brittney Kayser
Kerry and Christine Wright
Zachary Kyle Renaud
Kyle and Annette Renaud
Vanessa Renaud
Matthew Thomas Samuelson
Joel Samuelson
Royce Sutton
Judy Baird
David and Jill Sutton
Price Wilbert Vande Lune
Max and Colleen Vande Lune
Tjay Scott VanLangen
Glenda Huisman
Zachary Richard VanVleet
Sheila Sandy
Beth Wiebbecke
Jennifer Steen
Jacob Anthony Lipski
Jerome & Carol Lipski
Elizabeth Christine Williams
Ryan and Margaret Schon
Isabel Avery Magee
James Beckler
Jerri Skelton
Theresa Way
Gifts Given in Honor Of…
Alex Thomas Marker
Delaine and Gary Marker, Sr.
Colin Michael McGaffin
James and Linda McGaffin
Ryan Dennis Mougin
Curt and Amy Bowman
Richard and Jane Gent
Frank and Vivian Mougin
6
David Franks in memory of
Zachary D. Mohatt
Peg Franks and Family
Iowa SIDS Foundation
Memorials and Donations
General Donations
Audrey’s Floral & Ceramics
Justin Barlow
Julie Bartz
Marian Bobzien
Kenneth Bobzien
Dave and Kelly Brousard
Roger Buckingham
Patricia Buys
Joshua Cloke
Mary Conry
Ryan and Jessica Dirksen
Dolan Jewelers of Davenport Staff
Dustar Contracting, LLC
Rosalie Ellefson
Jessica Erger
Gregory and Connie Fawcett
Rita Feldmann
William and Mary Frye
Ann Gallas
Mark and Susan Hartung
Kristine Hunter
Ireton Locker
J & M Confinement Inc.
Dennis and Lisa Kayser
Becky Kelderman
Larissa Kommes
Randall and Cynthia Koopmans
Debra Kozel
Jennifer Kress
Rachel Latteyer
Nina Laughlin
Michael and Heather Link
MCHS Student Senate
Mary Meissner
Jessie Mireles
Mariam Muth
New Liberty Feed & Seed
Kevin O’Dell
Oral Surgery Associates, PC
Dakota Dunes, SD
Lonnie Ostermyer
Progressive Rehabilitation Assoc.
Mary Schmidt
Brianne Simons
Siouxland Propane Company
Mark and Kathryne Stelzer
Jerry Sullivan
Thomas Heating & Air LLC (Kelly Thomas)
Jeffrey and Katherine Thorsteinson
The Wellmark Foundation
What Cheer Fair Board
Joshua and Karen Willett
Glen and Tonja Winekauf
Dawn Yedlik
Marcia and William Young II
Thank You!!
The Iowa SIDS Foundation thanks the listed
individuals and businesses for their generous
donations.
These donations were received as of
Special thanks to Mary Henss and Scot Henss of Best
Portable Toilets, Inc. for providing their services for
events hosted by the Foundation. We truly appreciate
your continuing support and kindness!
Did you Know…
The Iowa SIDS Foundation is a 501 (c)(3) non-profit organization. Many employers have programs to match
employee donations. Check with your employer today, or indicate the Iowa SIDS Foundation as the
recipient of your annual United Way contribution.
We appreciate your support!
7
Iowa SIDS Foundation
Volunteers DO make the DIFFERENCE!!
Birdies for Charity
The 2012 Principal Charity Classic was held May 29-June 3
at Glen Oaks Country Club in West Des Moines. The
Foundation wants to extend a special thanks to the 36
individual donors that either made a flat rate tax deductibe
donation or contributed to our total pledge amount of $1.96
per tournament birdie. By exceeding the $1.50 per birdie
requirement, the Iowa SIDS Foundation also received a portion of the tournament’s ‘bonus bucks’, resulting in an end donation of $2,659.13 to support the
day to day operations of the Foundation.
Congrats to Katie Henss, as her name was selected in one of the monthly drawings to receive a new John Deere lawn
mower. Special thanks to Gary Marker for soliciting donors and attending the check presentation ceremony.
Doland Jewelers, Davenport, Donates to the Iowa SIDS Foundation
The Staff at Doland Jewelers of Davenport participated in a blue jeans day to support the designated Charity of the
Month. For September, the Iowa SIDS Foundation was selected as the designated charity. In addition to the employee contributions, all battery sales on Saturdays are included in each monthly donation. The kindness and support
shown by Dolan Jewelers is very much appreciated!
Spirit Lake Program
Special thanks to the sixth grade class, now 7th graders, from Spirit Lake Middle School. They held a fundraiser in
May, 2012 with the proceeds being donated to benefit our Foundation. As a group they raised $340.37.to benefit the
Iowa SIDS Foundation. Proceeds from this project will be used to purchase additional age appropriate books for
surviving siblings. Hannah Poolman, older sister of Jackson Mueller (2/18/03 - 12/17/03) is a member of the class.
Marina Day Proceeds Benefit Iowa SIDS Foundation Programs
After a slight delay due to thunderstorms, the annual boat poker run and
Marina Day got underway on Saturday, August 4th at Saylorville Lake Marina
in Polk City. Twenty four boats, with 57 boaters participated in the annual
poker run hosted by Suntex Marina with the grand prize winners receiving a
dinner cruise donated by the Des Moines Riverboat.
Other activities included a 50/50 raffle, inflatables, refreshments, a doggie
dress up contest. Unfortunately, the cardboard boats were cancelled due to
‘boat damage’ during the early morning storm. Overall, Saylorville Lake Marina donated $1970 to the Iowa SIDS Foundation.
Community sponsors for this event include Suntex Marina, Bergstrom
Construction, and Strategic Business Solutions. Special thanks to these
businesses and to Gary Marker, Jacob Keeley and Justin Keeley for
volunteering.
8
Iowa SIDS Foundation
10 New Year’s Resolutions for Those who Grieve
By Thom Dennis
Reprinted with permission from Grief Digest, Centering Corporation, Omaha, NE, 402-553-1200.
We ring in the New Year on January 1, but that may only be the beginning of one of the calendars you follow.
The Chinese New Year is January 26, and the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashana, is September 19, 2008. Some
people also follow a fiscal calendar or school calendar. The day your loved one died is the start of another kind
of new year: a Year of Remembrance.
Every New Year provides us with an opportunity to look back at the past and forward to the future. Similarly,
grief invites us to mine our memories for stories of love and connection. It also presents us with the challenge of
finding a new way in the world without the comfort of a loved one near. Traditionally, New Year’s Eve is the
time to make New Year’s Resolutions. People promise to make changes in their lifestyles or strive to reach new
goals. While some resolutions are broken within the first few weeks, you can always recommit yourself time and
again. Take a proactive approach to your grief and make any of the following New Year’s Resolutions your own.
1. FOCUS ON SELF CARE: Common New Year’s
resolutions include: exercise more, start a diet or quit
smoking. People who grieve need to be especially attentive
to their own self care. Even small changes in your physical
health will have a big impact on your overall sense of well
being. January is a good time to schedule an annual physical
with your doctor. Be sure to discuss your recent loss and
come up with a plan together to address your total health
care needs.
6. DEVELOP A NEW HOBBY OR LEARN SOMETHING NEW: Caring for a sick loved one can be all
consuming. You willingly put your needs and interests on
the back burner. Think of the upcoming year as “your
turn.” Use this time to focus on things that will allow you
to express your emotions. Be creative.
7. PUT YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER: Do your loved
ones a favor and spare them some of the heartache
associated with your death. Set a deadline for making your
own advance directives and funeral plans. Discuss your
wishes with your family. Make necessary changes in your
will and other important legal papers. Set a date to clean out
the basement or attic. Identify people in old family photos.
Sit down and write your life story or personal creed.
Consider the legacy you will leave behind.
2. FIND SUPPORT: Support is the key to coping with
loss. It’s time to rally the troops and think of all the possible sources of support that you can call upon. Join a
support group, call or write that old friend you haven’t
heard from in years, get a pet or seek out and join a
community of like-minded people.
3. TAKE A VACATION: We all need a break once in
awhile. It is important to veg out on the weekends and to
take a week long vacation. Mourners also need to schedule
time off from grief. It might be as short as a trip to the
mall, or to rent a funny video once in while. A change of
scenery is always a good idea. Plan a little R&R on a sunny
beach somewhere because nobody can grieve twenty-four/
seven or 365 days a year.
8. MAKE A LIFE LIST: Are there some things you want
to accomplish before you die? Make a list of the places in
the world you want to visit and the tasks you want to
accomplish before you die. Develop an action plan to
achieve them.
9. NO REGRETS: At the end of their life, nobody says,
“I wish I had spent more time at the office,” or “I wish I
had worried more.” They say “I wish I had spent more time
4. CELEBRATE: Birthdays and other anniversaries will
be painful reminders of your loss. But they can also be great with my family; I wish I had told them I loved them.”
Resolve to live your life with no regrets. Say, “I forgive
opportunities to gather with people you love and share
you,” say, “I’m proud of you” and say, “I’m sorry.” Most of
memories. It may be tempting to just crawl under a rock
next Thanksgiving or to cancel Christmas or Hanukah but it all; don’t sweat the small stuff, because it’s all small stuff.
is important to find ways to celebrate and find joy in life.
10. TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED: Finally,
Design rituals of remembrance for each and every family
resolve to give yourself all the time you need. Grief doesn’t
gathering.
follow any calendar; it won’t fit comfortably into anyone's
5. HELP OTHERS: Remember that good feeling you had agenda or schedule. It will never completely go away, but it
the last time you helped someone? There are lots of reasons will change with time. How you choose to remember and
to volunteer and lots of places to do it. Helping others just mark your loss will make all the difference.
might be one of the best ways to heal our grieving hearts.
9
Iowa SIDS Foundation
406 SW School Street, Suite 207
Ankeny, IA 50023
www.iowasids.org
In This Issue...
*Journaling through Grief*
*Walk for the Future 2012*
Iowa SIDS Foundation
Executive Director
Patty Keeley
Board Members
Jennifer Atzen, President
Tony Lipski, Vice President
Betsy VanDerSchaaf, Treasurer
Tricia Borelli, Secretary
Karen Arnold
Betsy Bushlack
Robert Gonzales, Sr.
Jeanie Hanna
Marla Hummel
Pam Jeneary
Cheryl Livingston
Gary Marker
Catherine Meinecke
Jessie Mireles
Lu Peverill
Deanna Robey
Chad Sims
Kristin Sjulin
Donn Stanley
Dr. Harry Yuan
P.O. Box 13274
Des Moines, IA 50310-0274
-or406 SW School St., Ste. 207
Ankeny, IA 50023
515-279-6928
866-480-4741 (toll-free)
Email: info@iowasids.org
Web: www.iowasids.org
Our Mission
The Iowa Sudden Infant Death Syndrome Foundation
is a statewide, non-profit, voluntary health organization
dedicated to providing emotional support to SIDS and
SUID families, educating professionals and the general
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*Remembering Our Babies*