Remington Steele Episode Guide

Transcription

Remington Steele Episode Guide
Version 2.0
Compiled by Raymond Chen
Revision history
Version 1.0
8 September 1990
Version 1.1
Version 1.2
Version 1.3
Version 1.3x
28 February 1991 (internal)
Version 2.0
25 December 1991
c 1990, 1991 Raymond Chen, all rights reserved.
Copyright Permission is granted to copy and reproduce this document provided that it be distributed in its entirety
(including this page). No charge may be made for this document beyond the costs of printing and distribution.
No modications may be made to this document.
Preface
This episode guide began as a collection of private notes on the program Remington Steele
which I had kept while watching the show on NBC in the eighties. (Yes, I take notes on
most television programs I watch. Call me anal-retentive.) Sometime in early 1990, I got
the crazy idea of creating an episode guide, and the rst edition of this guide eventually
appeared later that year. Still not satised, and unable to recall the plots of most of the
episodes beyond the sketchiest of descriptions, I decided to give my feeble brain cells a
breather and write out more detailed plot summaries as I watched the episodes. (I consider
using a VCR to be cheating, and besides, you can read a plot summary faster than you
can watch a tape.) There you have it, the confessions of a neurotic television-watcher.
Not in the printed guide (but available in the guide source) is a summary of musical
themes and a list of quotes. Remington Steele still gets my vote for the show with the
best incidental music. No other show I know comes even close. The quotes you can add
to your favorite textual database of quotes, to help you nd just the right signature quote
for your net.articles.
I wish to extend my thanks to the following people who have in some way or other
contributed to this guide: Dave Cavalli, Violet K. Jen, Phyllis Mar, Kenneth E. Staan,
Arlene M. Osbourne, and Gary Will. Although the eects of their work might not always
be visible in the current version of the guide, their help during the development of the
guide is greatly appreciated.
All corrections and modications should be sent to rjc@math.princeton.edu.
My favorite episodes? Probably Vintage Steele and Love Among the Steele.
Enjoy!
rjc
25 December 1991
iii
Table of Contents
Remington Steele Episode Guide, Version 2.0
Contents
1
Preface . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . iii
Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . vii
First Season (1982{1983) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
2
Second Season (1983{1984) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
License to Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Tempered Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele Waters Run Deep . . . . . . . . . .
Signed, Steeled & Delivered . . . . . . . . .
Thou Shalt Not Steele . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele Belted . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Etched in Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Your Steele the One for Me . . . . . . . . . .
In the Steele of the Night . . . . . . . . . .
Steele Trap . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steeling the Show . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele Flying High . . . . . . . . . . . . .
A Good Night's Steele . . . . . . . . . . .
Hearts of Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
To Stop a Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele Crazy After All These Years . . . . . . .
Steele Among the Living . . . . . . . . . .
Steele in the News . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Vintage Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele's Gold . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Sting of Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele in Circulation . . . . . . . . . . . .
2
4
6
8
10
12
14
16
18
20
22
24
26
28
30
32
34
36
38
40
42
44
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
Steele Away With Me (Part 1) . . . . . . . .
Steele Away With Me (Part 2) . . . . . . . .
Red Holt Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Altared Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele Framed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
A Steele at Any Price . . . . . . . . . . .
Love Among the Steele . . . . . . . . . . .
Scene Steelers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele Knuckles and Glass Jaws . . . . . . . .
My Fair Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele Threads . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele Eligible . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
High Flying Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Blood is Thicker than Steele . . . . . . . . .
Steele Sweet on You . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Elegy in Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Small Town Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Molten Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Dreams of Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Woman of Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Hounded Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Elementary Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . .
48
50
52
54
56
58
60
62
64
66
68
70
72
74
76
78
80
82
84
86
88
90
iv
Table of Contents
3 Third Season (1984{1985) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65
66
Steele at It . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Lofty Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Maltese Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Second Base Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Blue Blooded Steele . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele Your Heart Away . . . . . . . . . . .
A Pocketful of Steele . . . . . . . . . . . .
Puzzled Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Cast in Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Breath of Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Let's Steele a Plot . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Gourmet Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Stronger Than Steele . . . . . . . . . . . .
Have I Got a Steele for You . . . . . . . . .
Springtime for Steele . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele in the Family . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Diced Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Now You Steele It, Now You Don't . . . . . .
Illustrated Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele in the Chips . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele Trying . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele of Approval . . . . . . . . . . . . .
94
96
98
100
102
104
106
108
110
112
114
116
118
120
122
124
126
128
130
132
134
136
67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
Steele Searching (Part 1) . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele Searching (Part 2) . . . . . . . . . .
Steele Blushing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Grappling Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Forged Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Corn Fed Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Premium Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Coee, Tea or Steele . . . . . . . . . . . .
Dancer, Prancer, Donner and Steele . . . . . .
Steele on the Air . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele, Inc. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele Spawning . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Suburban Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Santa Claus is Coming to Steele . . . . . . .
Steele Blue Yonder . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Sensitive Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele in the Spotlight . . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele at Your Service . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele in the Running . . . . . . . . . . . .
Beg, Borrow or Steele . . . . . . . . . . .
Steele Alive and Kicking . . . . . . . . . . .
Bonds of Steele . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
140
142
144
146
148
150
152
154
156
158
160
162
164
166
168
170
172
174
176
178
180
182
89
90
91
92
93
94
The Steele That Wouldn't Die (Part 1) . . . .
The Steele That Wouldn't Die (Part 2) . . . . .
Steele Hanging In There (Part 1) . . . . . . .
Steele Hanging In There (Part 2) . . . . . . .
Steeled With a Kiss (Part 1) . . . . . . . . .
Steeled With a Kiss (Part 2) . . . . . . . . .
186
188
190
192
194
196
4
Fourth Season (1985{1986) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 139
5
Fifth Season (1987) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 185
A
B
C
D
E
F
Actors List . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 199
Basic List of Episodes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 209
Creative Credits . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 211
Dates of Broadcast . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 215
Esoterica . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 217
Film Annotations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 229
v
Table of Contents
[This page left blank]
vi
Introduction
This guide has been assembled as a reference to the television series, Remington Steele. It has been designed
for use by the fans of the series.
The guide contains ve chapters, one for each season of the program. The episodes are listed in the
order they were originally aired by NBC between 1982 and 1987. This need not be the order they appear
in syndication. In particular, the placement of the episode Coee, Tea, or Steele is open to debate, since
it was originally aired out of sequence. Also, the episodes Steele Away With Me, The Steele That Wouldn't
Die, and Steele With a Kiss originally aired as single two-hour episodes, even though they typically air as
two one-hour episodes in syndication.
The format of each episode is as follows:
Episode number
Episode Title
Writer
Air Episode description as printed in TV Guide.
dates
Production code
Director
Character . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . actor
Episode synopsis.
Movies:
Movie title, other citation information.
Notes:
Other comments.
If a separate `teleplay' credit was given, the writer of the teleplay is given in parentheses after the writer's
name. Beware that some of the `Notes' entries contain comments which are my personal opinions. (This
guide started out as a collection of private notes.) If they disturb you, go ahead and scribble them out with
a magic marker.
The rst appendix is a list of all actors which have appeared on the program. Each entry is of the form
Actor's name
Character
Episode Title
Episode number
The episode number is provided to facilitate nding the particular episode. (Observe that the episode number
appears in the upper-left corner of each verso, so a thumb-through should locate the episode quickly.)
The list of titles can be obtained from the second appendix, which contains the episodes sorted alphabetically by title, and numerically by production code. To see the episodes sorted by air date, consult the
table of contents. The third appendix is a list of directors and writers.
In the fourth appendix, each panel denotes one broadcast season. The rst column is the air date, the
second the production code of the episode (blank if Remington Steele did not air, and suxed by an `R' if
the episode was a repeat), followed by the title. If Remington Steele did not air that day, the replacement
programming is shown. The nal column highlights the (several) changes of time slot. The fth appendix is
a relatively unorganized clump of random trivial tidbits.
vii
Introduction
The nal appendix is a list of all lm citations. Each lm citation is of the form
Movie Title (episode number)
Character: \Line of dialog."
(Additional comments.)
A dash (\|") indicates the movie title when it appears in dialog.
viii
First Season (1982{1983)
Try this for a deep, dark secret. The great detective Remington Steele? He doesn't
exist. I invented him. Follow: I always loved excitement, so I studied and apprenticed,
and put my name on an oce. But absolutely nobody knocked down my door. A female
private investigator seemed so . . . feminine. So I invented a superior. A decidedly masculine
superior. Suddenly, there were cases around the block. It was working like a charm. Until
the day he walked in, with his blue eyes and mysterious past. And before I knew it, he
assumed Remington Steele's identity. Now I do the work and he takes the bows. It's a
dangerous way to live, but as long as people buy it, I can get the job done. We never mix
business with pleasure. Well, almost never. I don't even know his real name.
Starring
Stephanie Zimbalist [as Laura Holt]
and
Pierce Brosnan [as Remington Steele]
[on opening credits]
also starring
James Read [as Murphy Michaels]
Janet DeMay [as Bernice Foxe]
Theme music by Henry Mancini
Musical score by Richard Lewis Warren
Created by
Michael Gleason and Robert Butler
Executive Producer
Michael Gleason
1
License to Steele
2704
1
Michael Gleason
Robert Butler
10/01/82 10p Private Eye Laura Holt invents a male boss to lure clients reluctant to hire a woman. The
05/03/83 9p ruse works until a mysterious chap interferes with her job of protecting a $2 million jewel
shipment.
Gordon Hunter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joseph Hacker
Ben Pearson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Phil Casno
Raymond Kessler . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Robert Darnell
Leo Ne . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Francis
As Laura Holt and Gordon Hunter observe, heavy security successfully delivers a padlocked box. Outside, a handsome gentleman (who, to prevent ourselves from going insane, will be called `The Man') ostensibly
takes pictures of a small family, but is really taking pictures of the delivery. Inside, the box is opened, and
it's empty. Mr. Hunter is not impressed, but Laura explains that the security was merely a decoy; the gems
will actually be transported by Murphy Michaels, disguised as a linen delivery man. Mr. Hunter is pleased
and would like to talk to Steele. Laura giver her àdvisory capacity' spiel, but Mr. Hunter insists.
At the oce, Laura calls a meeting of her sta. Murphy reminds her of her rule: A client who demands
to see Steele will be turned down. But there will be so much attendant publicity that Laura thinks it's worth
the risk of pretending that there really is a Remington Steele. The Man pops in and identies himself as Ben
Pearson, from South Africa, charged with the return of the Royal Lavulite gems to his country, from which
they were stolen. Fearing an attempt will be made to steal them, he asks to be apprised of the security
measures. As he leaves, Laura smiles wistfully.
The Man returns to his room and is rudely accosted by two gentlemen (Kessler and Ne) who had been
watching him while he was taking pictures. They confront him with his passport collection and tell him the
gems are theirs. The courier who stole them originally was working for them. The Man suggests the three
team up.
Laura tells Mr. Hunter that Steele is on his way, and Mr. Hunter talks about how he devoted his entire
life to designing the car he will be unveiling tomorrow. Meanwhile, The Man develops the pictures he shot,
and nds Murphy in one of them, dressed as a delivery man.
In the hotel restaurant, The Man orders Laura a magnum of champagne and joins her. He draws some
information about the security arrangements, then Laura excuses herself. She tells Murphy to take the bags
to the penthouse suite and hang everything up. Meanwhile, Kessler and Ne grab The Man. He tells them
to follow him, then goes to Laura and asks for a lift in the limo. En route, he tells Laura that the men in
the car following were the ones who killed the courier, then picks up the phone and reports the car following
them as stolen. The Man then suggests that they use a decoy in the gem delivery. The police pull the car
over.
The next morning, Laura gushes over `him!' Murphy reluctantly admits that the check on Pearson was
clean, with the exception that he wasn't due to arrive until today. Just to make sure, he requested a photo.
Laura instructs Bernice to have Steele paged at the hotel.
Kessler and Ne accost The Man in the hotel lobby, but when Steele is paged, he identies himself as
Steele and takes the call. Bernice is confused. Mr. Hunter spots The Man, mistakes him for Steele, and
takes him to meet Agent Ben Pearson from South Africa, with whom The Man shares some resemblance.
Apparently, `someone' has been impersonating the Agent. The Man asks Pearson to arrest Kessler and Ne,
which he gladly does.
Mr. Hunter spots Laura and expresses his pleasure at having met Mr. Steele. \There he is with Special
Agent Ben Pearson," he says, pointing at Pearson and The Man. Pearson leaves, and Laura goes to The
Man, telling him, \That man who was with you. He isn't Remington Steele." When The Man asks after the
nature of Remington Steele, Laura tries to avoid the question, and he suspects things aren't as they appear.
The gem delivery takes place without a hitch, and with the unwitting help of Mr. Hunter, The Man
gains entry into Steele's hotel room. There, he nds Steele's suitcases empty, the suits still with the price
tags on them, the shirts and shoes never worn, and a hair brush with no hairs. He looks in the mirror and
says, \Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Steele."
At the Grand Unveiling, Mr. Hunter begins by calling Remington Steele to the microphone, and The
Man gets up. Laura is too stunned to do much of anything. Mr. Hunter unveils his car. When the music
2
plays, The Man grabs Laura and dances with her, and confronts her with his ndings, but promises not to
say anything. His mission is to get back at Kessler and Ne for killing his younger brother, the courier.
Once he's done, he will leave. Laura excuses herself to talk to Murphy and Bernice, who conrm that The
Man is a fake. And the courier in question was in his sixties.
Laura takes Murphy to The Man's room and nd his passports, all in the name of characters Bogart
played in the movies. Laura opens the closet door, to nd Pearson, dead. Murphy wants to call the police,
but Laura wants to handle this herself. Murphy asks her if it's only the agency she's trying to protect.
Downstairs, the bash is over, but Mr. Hunter's car was a op.
In his room, The Man pores over plans, then hides them when he hears Laura and Murphy coming. He
admits that he's here for the gems, intending to return them to South Africa for the nder's fee. Murphy
accuses him of murder, and Steele recognizes Kessler and Ne's style of murder. The Man concludes from
Laura's hesitancy that she doesn't believe he killed Pearson. Murphy wants to call the police, and The Man
leaves to execute his plan, asking Murphy to bring Pearson's body back up.
In the lobby, The Man allows himself to be caught by Kessler and Ne, and oers to get them the plans
to the safe. They go to his room, and Ne nds Pearson's body. \We left him in his room." At this point,
police come in and arrest them. Murphy leaves Laura and The Man. He promises to stay away from the
gems until they're out of her jurisdiction, then bids her farewell.
Laura watches The Man leave for the airport in a cab, then Murphy rushes in, rubbing his neck.
Somebody took the gems from him. They follow the cab, and Laura yells, \Stop that man, he's a thief!"
But it isn't The Man who runs away, but Mr. Hunter. Laura and The Man pursue Mr. Hunter in a go-cart
and subdue him.
The next day's paper's headline reads `Steele Pure Gold'. Mr. Hunter stole the gems as an act of
desperation to nance his car company. A client asks to see Mr. Steele, and Laura continues the ruse, only
to nd The Man sitting behind Steele's desk. \How can I help you?"
Movies:
Tea and Sympathy, Deborah Kerr, John Kerr, MGM 1956.
Notes:
The opening sequence is, of course, dierent for this episode. It starts out the same, but then concludes:
\Suddenly, there were cases around the block. Having an imaginary boss is a dangerous way to live . . . but
so far, it's working."
3
Tempered Steele
0903
2
Michael Gleason
Robert Butler
10/08/82 10p Laura and Remington become involved with industrial espionage in an electronics rm,
12/17/82 10p where an alarm-system failure results in the disappearance of trade secrets|and in murder.
Jim Meecham . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Arlen Dean Snyder
Roger Dillon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Hayward
Mrs. Anna Dillon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Diana Douglas
Nadine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Brenda King
Claude . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Curt Lowens
Waiter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Charlie Stavola
Morgue attendant . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Don Dolan
Gary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stan Sells
Liebowitz . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jack Ragotzy
Chaueur . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gene Ryals
When Laura receives a huge stack of bills that Steele has run up, she becomes furious. Steele's assignment
is to keep Nadine (`the peroxide piranha') out of the way until the Randal case is settled, which happened
three days ago. To get his attention, Laura cancels his credit cards and checking account.
At the end of another expensive dinner with Nadine, Steele is embarrassed and annoyed that the
restaurant is not accepting his checks or credit card. He storms into the oce demanding to see Laura.
Bernice reluctantly tells Steele where he can nd her.
Steele barges into (and ruins) an elaborate undercover operation, just as the suspect is about to ask
Laura (posing as a secretary) to steal some documents for her. The client (Roger Dillon) demands an
explanation, and Laura promises that one will be coming, soon.
Jim Meecham, an investor in Dillon Enterprises, hires Steele to handle the case personally. At rst,
Steele declines, but reconsiders when Meecham oers him $25,000 in cash on the spot. Steele locates an
old friend, Immel Wallace, a recovered drug addict now busy helping street bums at the Lost and Found
Mission, to install an alarm system at the Dillon residence, where Mrs. Dillon has moved all the sensitive
materials.
While Steele supervises the installation, Mrs. Dillon oers Laura a cup of tea, a special blend `Packie'
(Patrick Joseph) Dillon had custom made for him before he died. The next morning, Steele awakens to nd
that the alarm system has been breached, and that Wallace has vanished. Meecham is suing the agency for
$10 million.
That evening, Steele invites Laura to dinner, over which he insists that Wallace didn't do it. Laura is
unconvinced until she gets a phone call: Wallace has turned up|in the morgue. Wallace was found with a
needle in his arm and $5000 in his sock. Steele insists it is a frame-up.
The pair go down to the mission area at night to see if there is anything they can nd there. Laura is
attacked, and Steele rescues her. The following morning, Laura arranges a meeting with Meecham to discuss
the matter, while Steele takes the opportunity to to break into Meecham's room and go through his things.
Murphy has the preliminary autopsy report: Wallace was injected with a heavy dose of a muscle
relaxant typically used on horses. Steele suspects Meecham, who plans to tear down the factory and build
an industrial park over it. Laura suspects Roger Dillon, who needed the money to support his free-wheeling
lifestyle. Murphy suspects Mrs. Dillon, for it was she who insisted that the plans be moved to the residence
in the rst place.
Meecham owns a stable, so Steele challenges him and Roger to a polo match, while Laura snoops around.
Laura nds the muscle relaxant, and in the trash nds a hypodermic needle|and tea leaves?
That evening, Steele throws a dinner party, inviting the three suspects. Murphy arrives with the nal
autopsy report, and he and Laura read it with great interest. While Steele builds the suspense, Murphy
serves Mrs. Dillon a cup of tea. As Steele is about to level his accusation at Meecham, Mrs. Dillon demands
to know where they got the special tea from. She pulls a gun, but Murphy disarms her before anyone gets
hurt.
Over the morning paper, Laura explains what really happened: Mrs. Dillon stole the plans, upset that
Roger had been selling them to foreign competition, and preferring murder to being a traitor. When Wallace
saw her, she brought him to the stable, served him some of her favorite tea, killed him, carried his body
downtown, and made it look like he overdosed.
4
Movies:
Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman, Warner Brothers, 1942.
The Thin Man, William Powell.
Notes:
A moderately good mystery. We have a few minutes to piece together the crime ourselves before Laura
solves it, though the clinching evidence (the nal autopsy report) is hidden from us.
Murphy is left-handed.
This was the series pilot, so it's fun to try to spot the dierences between this episode and the rest of
them. (It also explains why the episode has so much character exposition.)
* The opening voice-over is dierent. (Same words, but read dierently.) The music from the opening is
more subdued.
* Steele's oce is tiled rather than carpeted.
* The furniture in Steele's oce is dierent.
* The hallways and oce are much busier than we're used to seeing. (They had more money to hire
extras, I guess.)
* Laura lives in an apartment rather than a house.
* The closing credits list the characters' names as well as the actors' names.
5
3
Lee Zloto
10/22/82 10p
12/24/82 10p
Steele Waters Run Deep
2703
Je Bleckner
Laura and Remington have 24 hours to nd a video-game genius who vanished on the eve
of a successful merger, along with $5 million and his company's latest video game plans.
Albee Fervitz . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Peter Scolari
Emery Arnok . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . George D. Wallace
Cynthia Denard . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Betty Kennedy
Sheila Fervitz . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Roxanne Hart
Miss Letrell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rae Allen
Izzy Webster . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Randy Rocca
Fred . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Blake Clark
Manuel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jose Flores
Executive . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Christopher Thomas
At night, a voice says, \Good-bye, George," and tosses a trunk into the harbor. The next morning,
Laura cajoles Steele into coming to work to talk to their client, supermarket magnate Emery Arnock, who
demands to see Steele. She sends the limo to pick him up, but Steele is kidnapped by some Hispanic teens and
taken to see Albee Fervitz, the nerdy president of Ratooi Games, Intl., a video game company. He explains.
When Ratooi Games went public, Gru and Reston Industries bought up the shares quickly, and rather
than nd themselves completely bought out, Ratooi agreed to a merger, which is to take place tomorrow
afternoon. But two days ago, their vice president, George Kaplan, vanished.
Steele arrives at the oce, where Emery is very upset at having to wait two hours, and drags Laura
into her oce. She doesn't believe his story, and while they're arguing, Arnok leaves. Laura drags Steele to
the limo to go to his hotel, but Steele detours them to Ratooi. Laura agrees to listen on the condition that
Steele see Arnok. Albee introduces his wife Sheila, their nancial ocer. Sheila says $5 million in assets is
also missing, and and Albee gures George is in some sort of trouble. Ratooi's blind sound programmer Izzy
Webster slips Laura a note. Albee explains that George was a hermit, doesn't even have a driver's licence.
Laura notes that the George's appointment calendar is missing a page from the day he vanished, but gets
`LV952' from the impression on the following page. Outside, Laura sends Steele on to talk to Arnok, then
calls Murphy to pick her up.
While Steele detours the limo, Laura reluctantly tells Murphy that Steele may have stumbled onto
something. Murphy conrms that George Kaplan took a plane to Las Vegas on ight 952. Laura gures he's
there to launder money and sends Murphy to Vegas to follow the trail. Meanwhile, Steele tricks the landlady
into letting him into Kaplan's apartment. There, he nds a mess of video games innards, and the remainds
of a wild party. A woman comes in and nds him, muttering \Oh, dear God," since George had broken up
with her, and she gures he dumped her for Steele. Steele tries to explain, but Cynthia just rushes o. He
tries to follow her and bumps into Laura in the elevator on her way in. She reminds him that he's supposed
to be seeing Arnok. Laura nds a coupon for a Vegas hotel and calls Emery and hands the receiver to Steele.
That evening, Laura pays a visit to Ratooi, per the note Izzy gave her. Meanwhile, Steele takes Emery
to the airport, but takes a brief detour. Laura grants Izzy permission to touch her face (and his hands
slowly roam further down) as he explains that Deep Water, their newest video game worth $50 million, is
also missing. Once Laura mentions George's girlfriend, Izzy quickly excuses himself.
Steele waits for Cynthia to arrive home, and he accosts her. she tries to get away, and when she gets to
the elevator, she says, `George!', then is shot. Steele gives chase, but the car speeds away. Cynthia dies in
Emery's arms, who is clearly shaken by the experience.
Laura and Steele (with Emery) tell Albee et al about their respective discoveries, but Albee refuses to
believe George is a murderer. Murphy calls to report Kaplan has a reservation on a ight to Toronto, which
makes no sense because Kaplan just killed someone in Los Angeles. Laura agrees with Murphy that the case
makes no sense. Albee takes a phone call, and is instructed to go to the marina in an hour, alone. Laura
oers to accompany him furtively. She and Steele leave with Emery.
At the marina, Steele suggests he and Laura pose as lovers strolling among the boats. While they're
out, Emery takes a phone call and leaves to fetch Steele. He catches up to them as they are kissing, but all
quickly take cover when shots are taken at them.
Back at the oce, Emery phones his wife, while Laura tries to gure out the incongruities. George is a
hermit, yet has a girlfriend. He's on a plane to Las Vegas, but shows up in Los Angeles. His oce is spotless,
6
but his condo is a mess. Steele saw a car speeding away, but George doesn't drive. Izzy calls, saying there's
something they should know about George, and asks them to come by. Emery tags along. At Ratooi, they
nd Izzy, who manages to say, \Toodle-loo," before dying.
The three return to Steele's apartment, where Laura observes that everybody who can help them dies.
Steele suggests talking to Manuel, one of Ratooi's janitors (who was part of the kidnapping team). Laura
tells Steele to stay home with Emery, while she goes to nd Manuel.
The next morning, Steele rehearses with Manuel his speech to Laura apologizing for the mess he's gotten
them into. Laura comes in, tired after spending the entire night searching for Manuel. Steele tries to give
his speech, but Laura keeps cutting him o. Manuel admits that he's never actually seen George, and his
oce never needs more than light dusting. \Like the dude was never there." Laura thanks him, then rushes
to call Murphy. She then asks Emery (who is in the shower) for a businessman's opinion: What would he do
if he were in Gru and Reston's shoes? Emery says he'd cancel the merger and forget the situation entirely.
Laura tells Steele to take Emery to the airport, no tricks.
In the limo, Steele and Emery chance across a photo of Cynthia aboard a boat named Toodle-Loo, and
Emery tells Fred to head for the marina. \You can't expect me to pass up a lead like this!" Meanwhile, the
landlady lets Laura and Murphy into George's condo. Steele and Emery board the Toodle-Loo, and Steele
nds a map suggesting where George's body was dumped. Murphy tells Laura that George Kaplan appeared
out of thin air six months ago, no tax records or any other paper trail. Laura concludes that George Kaplan
is a fabrication, concocted to stop the merger. But that doesn't explain Cynthia.
At the merger meeting, Steele and Emery arrive, wheeling in a trunk, claiming he found George. Murphy
gures their theory is shot, but Laura has an idea. Steele sets the scene, then opens the crate. Inside is no
body, just $5 million, and the Deep Water game. Laura explains. She calls in the landlady, who identies
Albee as George Kaplan. Laura continues. When Albee and friends learned that they were about to be
taken over, they sabotaged their own company, blaming it on the mythical fourth partner George Kaplan.
And Albee decided to take advantage of the available condo by having an extramarital ing, protecting his
identity by giving his name as George Kaplan. When Izzy discovered that their little plan led to murder, he
wanted out, and was killed for his troubles.
Laura and Steele enjoy a drink before a roaring re at his aparment, then are interrupted by Emery,
who has decided to sell out his supermarket chain. \So tell me, what's our next case?"
Notes:
According to George Kaplan's appointment calendar, the episode took place on 21 and 22 October 1982.
In the movie North by Northwest, George Kaplan is the CIA agent Cary Grant is mistaken for. The
inside joke continues when Steele sets sail \two miles oshore, north by northwest" in search of Kaplan.
7
4
Glenn Caron
10/29/82 10p
04/26/83 9p
Signed, Steeled & Delivered
2702
Robert Butler
A CIA researcher, terried by attempts on his life, is convinced that his own agency is
trying to kill him.
Sheldon Quarry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Thom Bray
John Seward . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Philip Sterling
Lucille Seward . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alexandra Johnson
Blonde . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Marta Kristen
Eugene Price . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Christopher Lofton
Cleaning lady . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jackie de Rouen
Charlie Webb . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Buddy Powell
A man peers through window blinds, his forehead dripping with what he later identies as hair dye (but
which looks like blood). He dashes out and drives o. Behind him pulls a blonde who rst makes eyes at
him, then pulls a gun. He ducks and runs away.
Nearing closing on a Friday, Murphy asks Laura one nal time to join him on a golng weekend, which
she politely declines, being swamped with paperwork. Bernice has her own plans, and Steele nds that his
date for the evening has taken ill. So he asks Laura out instead, who is indignant that she's just a backup
plan, and insists she a date already.
Later that evening, the man comes into the oce, where only Steele remains, trying to line up a
replacement date. Steele takes the man to Laura's house, where she quickly hides the paperwork and makes
it look like she's preparing for a date. The man identies himself as Sheldon Quarry, the Information
Retrieval man at the CIA, who turned to Steele for help since he is convinced that Steele is a former agent.
On Tuesday, his car blew up, killing one of the ushers for his wedding tomorrow. Since then, he's been in
hiding, afraid even to call his ancee, lest the CIA go after her.
Laura goes to the Seward residence to tell Lucille that Sheldon is okay. Her father is furious at him, but
she is genuinely concerned. Meanwhile, Sheldon nds a change of clothes in Laura's house (\Lucky break,
indeed," notes Steele) and tells Steele how much he admires him. Sheldon excuses himself, and Steele tells
Sheldon that he'd gladly trade places with him, only to nd that Sheldon has since fallen asleep. Laura
assures Mr. Seward that she'll try to get Sheldon to the church on time, and the nurse notes that it's time
for Lucille to take her medication. The nurse is the blonde who took a shot at Sheldon earlier.
Driving home, Laura sees a car following her. She loses it, then it reappears. So she ducks into a
supermarket, grabs a cart, and frantically wanders down the aisle, peering paranoid over her shoulder.
When she spots a man lurking by her car, she approaches a young gentleman in line and smiles sweetly.
Laura returns home and tells Steele and Sheldon they have to leave; they're onto her. Steele tries (and
fails) to extract information about the fact that Laura once lived with a man. They rent a car and spend the
night sleeping by the lake. The next morning, while Steele makes an appointment to see the CIA, Sheldon
tells Laura that his future father-in-law is in the business of making foreign editions of American novels. His
current project is selling Gone with the Wind to the Chinese.
Laura and Steele visit Eugene Price, CIA Operations Director, who yucks it up with Steele like they
were old friends. Steele plays along, then asks about Sheldon. Eugene says he never heard of him, then
remembers an appointment and shows the two to the door. In the garage, Sheldon spots his friend Charlie
tinkering with the car, who tells him to stay away, but before he nishes his sentence, the car blows up.
Steele storms back upstairs and demands information from Eugene. He explains they're not trying to kill
Sheldon; Charlie was probably trying to disarm a bomb he found in the car. They were just following him to
try to gure out what is going on. All they have is the a picture of the blonde who shot at Sheldon. When
they can't nd Sheldon, Laura concludes he left to attend his wedding.
Steele arrives at the wedding (pretending to be Simon Quarry, the best man) and nds Sheldon hiding
behind the trellis. He tells Sheldon to stay out of sight while Laura and Eugene look for the blonde in the
house. Here Comes the Bride is played, but Sheldon doesn't emerge, so the bride can't come yet. One of
his ushers drags Sheldon out, and the procession begins. Laura bursts in on a couple hugging and backs out
apologetically. She then realizes it was the blonde and a dead Eugene and returns. A struggle ensues, and
the blonde rushes out of the house. Laura catches up to her and knocks her down. The blonde drops a book
and her gun, which Mr. Seward picks up and brandishes. Steele, Sheldon, and Laura's leg dispatch him.
8
At the reception, Laura and Sheldon explain that Mr. Seward wasn't just exporting books, but also
technological secrets, on the principle that no one country should have any advantage over the other; equality
equals security. When he learned that his daughter was marrying a CIA agent, he falsely concluded that
they were onto him.
Monday morning, Murphy nds Laura in her oce, still doing paperwork. He tells her she has to get
out and \live a life, for crying out loud." Laura thanks him, and he leaves. Steele pops in, and Laura asks
him, \So, how was your weekend?"
9
5
Lee Zloto
11/05/82 10p
03/11/83 10p
Thou Shalt Not Steele
2706
Leo Penn
Laura dragoons Steele into protecting a museum painting that carries a curse, and he's
soon a believer: a woman from his shadowy past wants him to help her steal it.
Abigail Holt . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Beverly Garland
Felicia/Katherine Simone . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cassandra Harris
Gutman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James Blendick
Edward Coxworth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Peter MacLean
Ahmed Kalil . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kurt Christian
Sherman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Benjamin H. Slack
Stakovsky . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ben Mittleman
A masked gure breaks into a museum, but before he gets to the painting, the alarm trips, and he
rushes out, empty-handed.
At the oce, museum ocials want to hire Steele to protect the painting The Five Nudes of Cairo, but
he refuses. Laura arrives and prevails; the case is taken. Steele privately asks Bernice why Laura is so edgy,
but he learns soon enough: Her mother arrives. Laura quickly drags Steele away to go to the museum, but
not before Steele invites Laura and her mother to dinner.
At the museum, Kalil tells Laura that the external security seems intact, which suggests an inside job.
Miss Simone, the exhibit curator, briefs Laura on the curse associated to the painting; the last ve owners
are no longer living. She later corners Steele behind a statue and kisses him soundly. Steele calls her Felicia,
and she asks him to steal the painting for her.
At home, Laura nds her mother scrubbing the tub, and Abigail expresses her disappointment in her
middle child. Murphy arrives with the background on the painting, the most interesting tidbit of information
being that six years ago, a woman and a man named Michael O'Leary stole the painting. Murphy reminds
Laura that Michael O'Leary is one of Steele's aliases and concludes that he's going to steal it. What better
place to be aware of juicy stealables than as head of a detective agency?
When Laura goes to Steele's apartment to pick him up for dinner with her mother, she nds Felicia in
his apartment, who had snuck in through the bedroom window. Laura storms out, only to be kidnaped by
Sherman. Felicia, one of Steele's old ames, asks him to help her steal the painting a second time, explaining
that she got into debt with Gutman, who is blackmailing her into stealing the painting for him. But Steele
declines, to her dismay. (\There's a new feel about you. As if you've been . . . smitten.")
Abigail, who had been waiting in the car all this time, goes up to see what is taking Laura so long,
only to learn that Laura had left some time ago. Meanwhile, Gutman chews out Sherman for kidnaping
the wrong woman (he wanted Felicia), and Laura fakes an asthma attack in order to escape. Abigail and
Steele talk at Laura's house, and when Laura returns home, adrenalin still pumping from her daring escape,
Abigail scolds her for her rude behavior back at Steele's apartment, then retires. Shortly thereafter, Kalil (a
museum representative) staggers into Laura's house, dead. When Abigail calls for Laura, she makes it clear
to Steele that she does not want her mother to nd a dead body in her living room. Abigail comes into the
living room to apologize for her outburst, where Steele has propped up Kalil in a chair.
Steele decides that the best way to protect the painting is to steal it himself. Laura is understandably
suspicious, but realizes she has little choice but to go along. The heist goes o smoothly until Laura
accidentally trips a burglar alarm and is arrested. Steele gets away, with the painting.
The following morning, Laura is bailed out of jail by her mother, and Murphy says, \I told you so."
Steele gives the police an anonymous tip that Gutman is Kalil's killer, and when he tries to plant the evidence
in Gutman's car, he is kidnaped. While Laura talks to Felicia in the oce, Steele calls Abigail and she relays
the message to Laura, though all she remembers is 7249 Hemmett Street. Laura and Felicia go there, only to
join Steele in captivity. Laura calls the oce and tells Abigail to bring the painting, which she does. When
what she brings turns out not to be the painting, Sherman is instructed to kill the quartet. Abigail gets an
asthma attack, and Laura, Steele, and Felicia subdue Gutman and Sherman.
Steele returns to the museum to reveal where he hid the painting, just in time for the opening of the
exhibit. Mr. Coxworth asks Steele why he stole the painting, and he explains that he had to do it to bring
Gutman out into the open. Privately, Laura asks why he didn't just vanish with the painting. Steele replies,
\The picture's got a bloody curse on it!"
10
Notes:
Not a mystery, rather an action-adventure nail-biter.
Felicia misremembers Laura's name as `Miss Bolt', which reappears in the episode Dreams of Steele.
Observe that Gutman isn't there when Laura fetches the inhaler. Felicia is pointing her gun at nothing.
The introductory music is Mozart's Overture to The Magic Flute.
11
Steele Belted
2701
6
Michael Gleason
Robert Butler
11/12/82 10p The agency takes on a client charged with murder who simply can't win: the man's alibi|
04/19/83 9p the crime's only witness|is found murdered in Remington's apartment, and the man's
lawyer seems more interested in Laura than in the case.
Buddy Shapiro . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Andrew Bloch
Creighton Phillips . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Barry Van Dyke
Waldo Church . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Raymond Singer
Ivy Shapiro . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ilene Gra
Miss Taplinger . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lora Staley
James Rubio . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ernest Emling
Clerk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Kaufman
When Steele returns to a ransacked apartment, it brings his date with Miss Taplinger to an abrupt
end. He spots a man waving outside, but the man is scared o before Steele can talk to him. The next
morning, he tries to tell Laura about his escapares, but she isn't very forthcoming with information as to
who it might be or why. Steele gets a phone call from Waldo Church, the man from last night, who says that
the apartment was ransacked by Rubio, looking for the bill of sale, which he (Waldo) still has. He arranges
a meeting.
Laura goes to the hotel to talk to Buddy Shapiro, but the clerk won't give out the room number, and
Shapiro has refused all his calls. So Laura has a box of owers delivered to the room and follows the delivery
boy. Buddy is out on parole after spending 18 months in prison for stock manipulation, and is currently
suspected of stealing antique coins worth over $200,000, but he claims he purchased them from James Rubio.
What can clear him is the bill of sale, which the agency has not been able to nd. He's packing his bags to
ee to Rio.
Steele goes to visit Waldo Church and gets bashed on the head. Murphy returns from an unsuccessful
search for Rubio in San Francisco, though he did nd a photograph of Rubio with Ivy Shapiro, Buddy's
ex-wife. Steele wanders in, a mess. Not in the mood to play twenty questions, he extracts from Laura
and Murphy the details of the case, learning that Waldo Church is the man who notarized the transaction.
Laura drags Steele to tell Buddy what just happened to him. Only a promise from Steele (\If we fail, I
will personally assist you in eeing the country.") keeps him from running. Meanwhile, Buddy's attorney,
Creighton Philips, asks Laura to dinner, who politely declines.
While Murphy and Laura search Church's hotel room, Laura runs across some clues and goes to a pay
phone. Murphy tells her she has to give up on Steele and look for someone who shares the same values she
does. She thanks Murphy for his advice and calls Creighton Philips to accept his dinner invitation.
Creighton takes Laura to a video arcade, to Laura's surprise. Creighton expresses his suspicion that
Steele isn't all that he appears to be. That evening, Steele returns to his apartment after another date with
Miss Taplinger, only to nd Church's dead body in the bedroom. He calls in Laura (with Creighton tagging
along), asks Creighton to take Miss Taplinger home, and confers angrily with Laura. (\I like cotton candy,"
she explains.)
The next day, Buddy is arrested, since somebody tipped the police that he was thinking of skipping the
country, and there is an outstanding murder. Upon returning to the oce, Laura gushes about Creighton's
generous nature; he is turning down a partnership in a law form so he can open his own oce to serve
people of modest incomes. Steele arranges for Buddy to be released into his custody, and makes it clear to
Creighton that he doesn't want to see Laura get hurt.
Murphy has been tailing Ivy Shapiro and Laura and Steele arrive to talk with her. She is hardly friendly
and insists that James Rubio didn't set up Buddy. She accuses Buddy of being jealous and storms out, upon
which we hear a scream. James Rubio is found dead in the trunk of her car. Rubio's hand is clutched in a
st, and Steele pries it open, expecting to nd a clue. What he nds is a long life line. Buddy is arrested
again. The gun that killed Rubio was his, and his were the only ngerprints on it.
Steele enlists Murphy's help (\You asking me for help is worth a couple of red lights.") to dig up some
dirt on Creighton. Apparently, Creighton and Rubio were classmates at Harvard, and he was passed over
for a partnership rather than turning down one, and his new rm is in very lush quarters, hardly suited to
serving the poor. Murphy helps Steele sneak into Creighton's bedroom and snoop around while Creighton
12
is downstairs with Laura going over the details of the case. When Steele frightens the cat, Creighton and
Laura go upstairs to investigate, and Creighton takes advantage of the opportunity to make a pass at Laura,
who refuses his advances; all the while, Steele is hiding under the bed.
The following day, Steele confronts Creighton with his conclusions. The killer must've been someone
who knew Rubio well, in order to get him to go along with the scheme. And someone Buddy trusted, in
order to get access to his gun. Someone who needs money to nance his new law rm. Buddy realizes
that Creighton was stealing him blind; when he got paroled early, Creighton had to keep him from seeing
his books, so he had him arrested again. Creighton challenges Steele to prove it, so Steele produces an
envelope containing strands of hair allegedly found in Rubio's hand. In the ensuing stght, Steele punches
out Creighton, breaking his own hand in the process.
At the courthouse, Laura reminds Steele that Rubio wasn't clutching any thing in his hand. (\Well, he
should have been.") Buddy and Ivy leave for Las Vegas together, and Steele presents Laura with Ivy's car.
Laura is attered, until Steele adds, \Ivy would appreciate a check as soon as possible."
Movies:
D.O.A., Edmond O'Brien, Andrew Britten, United Artists 1949.
Notes:
A fair mystery.
Note that in this episode, Steele's doorbell goes `ding-dong', whereas usually it's a buzzer.
13
7
Glenn Caron
11/19/82 10p
06/14/83 9p
Etched in Steele
2707
Stan Lathan
Laura thinks a best-selling sexy-book author killed her own husband, until she discovers it
was the woman's insipid spouse who really wrote the books.
Charlotte Knight . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Shannon Wilcox
Dennis Baker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . George Morfogen
Russell Forsyth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lyman Ward
Tony Dinaldo . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Richard Cox
Mitchell Knight . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joel Colodner
A man reads a book manuscript in his living room, and is shocked at what he nds. He calls upstairs
to his wife, Charlotte, who merely ignores him.
At the oce, business is nonexistent, thanks to the post-Christmas doldrums. Laura learns that Steele
accepted an oer from publisher Russell Forsyth to write \Remington Steele's Ten Greatest Cases", and is
hardly pleased. Steele gets an invitation to a party honoring the latest novel by Charlotte Knight (whose
steamy romances Laura appears to be quite familiar with, though she denies ever reading them). Laura
insists that Steele tell Russell that the deal is o.
At the party, Charlotte's husband Mitchell tells Laura and Steele that he believes somebody is trying to
kill him: He drunkenly condes that the books Charlotte wrote were based on their marriage (upon which
Laura gasps), and when he read the manuscript for the latest book, he found a scene in which the wife pushes
her husband o a balcony, falling thirty-ve stories to his death. Shortly thereafter, a scream is heard, and
Mitch's body is found on the pavement thirty-ve stories below.
Dennis Baker (Mitch's agent) tells them that Mitch was a troubled man, jealous of his wife's popularity.
His constant drunkenness didn't help. Russell gives Steele a copy of the manuscript; there is no balcony
death scene in it. And when Steele is about to tell Russell that the book deal is o, Laura stops him.
The next day, Steele realizes Laura stopped him because she wants to stay on the case. Laura insists it
was murder, but Steele thinks Laura is afraid of relaxing and oers to fetch the notes for the book to prove
there was never a balcony scene. Once he does that, he wants to whisk the entire sta o for a Caribbean
vacation. When Steele goes to Charlotte, he nds Tony there. She irts with Steele, then gives him the
dictation tapes.
Laura and Steele spend the evening listening to the tapes, but nd no balcony scene. The next morning,
the batteries are running down, and Laura realizes that the voice is Mitchell's, electronically sped-up to sound
like a woman's. She concludes that it was Mitch who really wrote them. When they present this to Russell,
he confesses that it was true, but the ghost writing was for publicity purposes.
Laura still insists it was murder, and Steele accuses Laura of being a workaholic. Laura goes to Charlotte's apartment to inspect the scene of the crime, and she talks to Tony, Charlotte's handsome friend.
Tony is a serious writer whose MFA thesis was a novel. He was introduced to Charlotte, who convinced
Russell to publish Lamplight, and became his mentor, allowing him to stay with them while he makes the
necessary revisions to his novel for publication. Tony convinces her that Mitch committed suicide, unable
to cope with somebody else always taking the credit for his hard work.
At home, Laura browses through travel brochures and Steele stops by. She agrees that there is no case,
but Steele insists there is one. He went through the tapes again, and realized that none of them were tapes of
the third book. Mitchell had writer's block on his third book; someone else ghost-wrote it. Steele concludes
that whoever wrote the third book killed Mitchell Knight.
Steele drags Laura to a party Russell is throwing in honor of his \Ten Greatest Cases" book. There,
Steele dramatically accuses Charlotte, Dennis, and Russell each of whom provides a convincing alibi. Steele
calls Laura aside and asks her, \All right, who did it?" but Laura doesn't know (and enjoys it). then Laura
sees Tony typing away in a side room and gets one of those smiles on her face.
After the party dissolves, Laura tells Russell that they're read to sign the book contract, and Russell
asks Tony to type up the nal clauses in the contract. While he's typing, Laura notes that Mitchell said the
manuscript he read was neatly typed, not dictated, and Tony admits that he wrote the third book. Laura
concludes that Mitch was about to tell all at the party that Tony really wrote the book, thereby ruining
Tony's chance at a serious career as a writer. Steele suggests Tony was busy rewriting the balcony scene,
14
and Russell remarks that he still has a copy of the original manuscript in his oce. Tony makes a run for
it, but Steele trips him.
The next day's newspaper headline reads, \Steele traps literary killer", and Laura is proud of the fact
that she is doing nothing.
Movies:
The Shining, Jack Nicholson.
Notes:
A good mystery. We actually get all the clues ahead of time.
15
8
Lee Zloto
11/26/82 10p
03/29/83 10p
Your Steele the One for Me
2709
Thomas Carter
Laura ponders two suspicious deaths, a run-in with Army Intelligence and cryptic clues
about a \Palace of Heaven", and concludes that Remington was right in the rst place: the
death of a visiting Japanese was not caused by jaywalking.
Tenake . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Keye Luke
Mike Ito . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Marc Hayashi
Kenji Ito . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sab Shimono
Winslow Craddock . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Reid Shelton
Woman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Emily Kuroda
Morgue attendant . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Richard Stanley
Mr. Dickerson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stephen Lee
Laura accompanies Mike Ito to a Japanese funeral ceremony, where a Japanese man, an Occidental
man, and a Japanese woman pay their respects. Steele rushes to Laura's side and oers his condolences, but
Laura didn't know the dead man. Kenji Ito was Mike's brother, who (according to the police report) was
hit by a car while jaywalking. Mike insists it was murder, and Steele takes the case.
At the oce, Murphy brings the police report on Kenji's death; it's \C&D" (cut and dried). Steele
says he's fed up just being a gurehead and wants to play a more active role in the agency. He dares her
to teach him, and she agrees. Open questions include who claimed Kenji's body, who arranged the funeral,
and who were the other people at the funeral? First step is to see Mr. Hamada, the driver of the car that
hit Kenji. Nobody answers the door, and while Laura tries to get information from a Japanese-speaking
neighbor, another neighbor calls Steele over and whispers to Steele where Hamada can be found. Laura
manages to gure out the woman is talking about a big man with white hair, but that's about it.
Next stop is the morgue to see Mr. Hamada, who died of a blow to the back of the head. The attendant
says that Kenji's body was claimed during the night shift; Mr. Dickerson would be the person to talk to.
Laura leaves her business card, then privately admits that the case has turned into an E&F: Enigmatic and
frightful.
Laura and Steele go to Mike's restaurant to ll him in. Mike had told them that Kenji arrived in the
country unexpectedly, so they did a background check, and the company he allegedly worked for doesn't
exist. Mike reiterates that he'd never seen any of the people at the funeral before in his life. Laura goes to
a pay phone to call the oce, where the white-haired gentleman from the funeral stops her. He identies
himself as Major Craddock of Army Intelligence and complains that he had \that little gun-running thief
Kenji Ito", but let him go because \I knew it would lead to the Palace of Heaven." Laura asks what this
Palace of Heaven is, and Craddock tells her not to play stupid. \Just give it to me and get out while you
can. . . . Consider yourself lucky. If Tenake had found you rst, he'd take a nger. And then turn nasty."
At the oce, Bernice conrms Craddock's credentials, but has nothing on the Palace of Heaven. Steele
draws on his lm knowledge to conclude that the Yakuza are involved. He also calls the telephone operator
and locates the Palace of Heaven.
Steele goes to a Japanese movie theater, named The Palace of Heaven, and the woman at the funeral
is there. Steele follows her out, and is attacked by Murphy, who was also following her. Steele goes outside,
where the woman holds him at gunpoint. \I know I am a dead woman. My mother told me, to love a Yakuza
is to wish for an early grave." Steele concludes that Kenji was a Yakuza, and that she claimed the body.
When he mentions the Palace of Heaven, she panics and leaves.
Laura arrives to pick up Murphy, and the three exchange information. Laura just talked to Dickerson,
who said that a Japanese man claimed the body, and the name he gave was . . . Mike Ito. The three head
to talk with Mike, only to see him being kidnaped.
They return to the oce, where Bernice is fed up with constant phone calls from a man who merely
says, \You're still the one for me." Steele takes the phone. \Steele here." \You're Steele?" \That's right."
\The one for me. Come to 331 half First Street." Laura and Steele drive to the address, where they are
trapped and handed blindfolds. From the sound, Steele concludes they're atop the Palace of Heaven movie
theater. They are taken to oces in the Japanese style, where the Japanese woman (in traditional dress)
brings them to see Mr. Tenake. Tenake explains that Kenji was a `free agent', who was captured by Army
Intelligence, and mysteriously released. They tried to catch him and question him, but he ed with the
16
`Palace of Heaven'. He gives Steele 24 hours to produce the Palace of Heaven and shows them Mike to drive
his point home.
Laura and Steele caucus with Murphy on their plan of action. Murphy wants to call the police, but
Laura decides to go for U&D (unexpected and daring). First, Steele and Murphy subdue the guard. Second,
Steele ushers in Laura, dressed in traditional Japanese garb. Third is to nd the room where Mike is being
held. Laura pretends to be a serving girl and serves the captors drugged sake. Mike helps out with Laura's
lack of knowledge of Japanese. But only two of the captors drink the sake, so Steele and Laura have to
subdue the third the old-fashioned way. Then they escape with Mike.
All return to the oce, all very pleased with themselves. Mike is shocked to learn of Kenji's double
life as a Yakuza. They hear a sound in the lobby, but it's Mr. Dickerson from the morgue. He identies
Kenji's photo as the man who claimed the body. The deceased was all torn up from the accident, and Steele
concludes that Kenji faked his own death. Mike rushes o to nd his brother.
Laura and Steele go to the temple where the funeral was held, guring that would be the most logical
place for Kenji to hide, since he would see who attended his funeral. There, they nd Craddock, dead. Kenji
steps forward and tells Mike he faked his death to protect his younger brother from knowing the truth.
Craddock had caught him, and Kenji told him nothing. But Craddock released him and told everyone he
had talked. Realizing Tenake would go after him, Kenji stole the computer code (The Palace of Heaven)
that details their entire Japanese operation. He planned to trade it for his freedom, but upon arriving in
this country, he spotted one of Tenake's men, and in the struggle, it was Tenake's man who got hit by a car.
Kenji swapped identication with the man and hid. Kenji was forced to kill Craddock to show Tenake that
he did not betray him. He hands Steele the oppy disk; so long as Tenake knows Steele has it, Mike will be
safe. All that's left now is for Kenji to wait for the police arrive to arrest him.
At Mike's restaurant, Laura dines on sushi and wraps up the case for Steele. It was Craddock who killed
Mr. Hamada, thinking him to be Yakuza. Laura then reminds Steele of his promise to give sushi a try, who
avoids the topic by trying to tell a story.
Movies:
Enter the Dragon, Bruce Lee.
The Yakuza, Robert Mitchum, Brian Keith, Warner Brothers 1975.
Kokusai (the movie showing at the theater)
The Third Man, Orson Welles, Joseph Cotten.
Notes:
Yes, that was genuine Japanese spoken throughout the episode.
17
9
Joel Steiger
12/03/82 10p
In the Steele of the Night
2708
Burt Brinkerho
Whodunit? As the only outsider at a house party, Remington is asked to identify the killer
in a group of Laura's former colleagues after one of them is found dead.
Sandy Maxwell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Carlene Watkins
Carl . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Philip Charles MacKenzie
Donald . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Arthur Rosenberg
Alan Grievey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Je Pomerantz
An unseen gure places a gun among a pile of clothes. At the oce, Steele nds an invitation in Laura's
wastebasket to a weekend party thrown by Laura's former colleague Alan Grievey. Laura and Murphy arrive
at the Grievey estate and join the other guests, who are awed at Alan's success. Murphy nds a gun in
Carl's suitcase. Later, Murphy talks to Sandy and they ll each other in on the intervening years. Carl talks
to Laura about how reunions are all about missed opportunities.
After dinner, they play the game of \best murder". Alan tells a story about a man who gets into an
empty elevator on the tenth oor, takes the elevator to the third oor with no stops in between, and is dead
when the elevator doors open. He doesn't give the solution, but promises that he will not let them leave
without the answer. While the sleuths ponder the mystery, Steele arrives, much to Laura and Murphy's
chagrin. Steele describes a murder in which ballistics tests revealed that the bullet's path went from inside
the victim's body outwards. When pressed for the answer, Steele dodges the question and suggests that
everybody go to bed. Laura corners him, and he admits that he made it up. Downstairs, Alan and Carl
have a loud argument over how Alan took advantage of Carl four years ago.
The next morning, Laura nds Alan's dead body in the elevator. Alan's neck was snapped in two.
The ve detectives realize that they are all potential suspects in Alan's murder and ask Steele, as the only
outsider, to investigate. Calling in the police would be bad publicity for Donald's, Laura's and Murphy's
respective agencies, and Sandy's husband doesn't know she's here. Steele privately enlists Laura's advice in
his investigation.
Steele rst asks who was the last person to see Alan alive. Everyone knows it was Carl, who admits
he hated Alan, but he didn't kill him. He explains: Alan had Carl copy every scrap of information from
Havenhurst, and thanked him by laughing in his face. When Carl returned to Havenhurst, he found he had
been red. So now he's a repo man. Murphy asks about the gun, but Carl denies bringing one. All search
Carl's room and nd nothing.
The sleuths then focus their attention on the scene of the crime. Carl pulls Steele aside, while Donald
takes Laura downstairs for some coee. This leaves Murphy (who is dusting for prints) and Sandy. She insists
that she didn't kill Alan, but she knows they're going to nd something that points at her. Downstairs,
Donald and Laura nd no coee. Plenty of dog food, but no coee. Donald also expresses his suspicion
that Steele isn't all he seems. Carl hands Steele a plastic envelope containing threads of cloth that he found
on Alan's neck. Carl presents his theory to the others: The threads came from the murder weapon. Laura
proposes that they take a break while Murphy takes everyone's ngerprints to match them up with what he
found in the elevator.
A scream is heard, and all rush to Sandy's room. Murphy startled her, and he nds a belt whose bers
match the ones Carl found. When Carl notes that he didn't see Sandy's car when he arrived, she tells her
story. After she married, she had an aair with Alan. When her husband hired Alan to nd out if she was
having an aair, Alan was so warped not only to take the case and wait a week before presenting his ndings,
but to send a bill. So she's been staying at the Grievey residence until she can gure out what to do next.
Then Alan told her she had to leave by Monday. She admits that she hated Alan, but insists she didn't kill
him.
Donald has had enough and wants to call the police. While he packs his bags, the gun falls from his
shelf and accidentally res (hitting no one). Sandy reminds everyone that Alan made Donald do all his dirty
work back at Havenhurst. Donald stands up for Alan, though Carl notes that when Alan started his own
agency, he left Donald behind.
Murphy presents the results of the ngerprint matching. Aside from Alan's own, the only clear print
was of Laura's, on the `stop' button. Certain that Laura is innocent, Steele starts going through Alan's
18
things and notices that Alan's wardrobe indicate a man who went from very heavy to very light \with no
stops in between". Laura realizes that the person they should've been studying most carefully was Alan.
They go to his study and nd that his detective business was in nancial trouble, and conclude from the
presence of an elevator that that he was not in the best of health. Laura goes to the elevator. She can't nd
a hidden panel, but notices the ventilation grating in the ceiling.
The guests are gathered, and Laura presents her theory. Alan transferred Laura's ngerprint to the
`stop' button. He also got Sandy's belt and attached it to the elevator cable. He pulled it through the vent,
tied it into a noose, and pushed the elevator button. As the elevator rose, the cable pulled the belt away,
snapping his neck. To make it look like murder, he arranged for the noose to tear, so that the cable would
pull the belt out through the vent, and the murder weapon would vanish. In short, he committed suicide,
but made it look like a murder, thereby getting the last laugh on his former colleagues. Why? Laura realized
that Alan didn't have clothes in intermediate sizes because he was somewhere where you don't need clothes:
a hospital. Remember also that they found shelves of dog food, but no dog. Alan had already given the
dog away. But there was no real danger that Laura would be sent to jail. He promised that they would not
leave before learning the answer, and true to his word, the servicemen were due to inspect the elevator on
Monday. They'd have found the belt.
At the oce, Laura and Steele nd Murphy telling Steele's `best murder' to Bernice.
Movies:
Witness for the Prosecution, Charles Laughton.
Notes:
A fairly decent mystery. We get most of necessary subtle clues at the start, so a really sharp viewer
might notice something weird going on. But the clinching evidence isn't seen until right near the end.
19
Steele Trap
2710
10
Michael Gleason
Sidney Hayers
12/10/82 10p Guests are murdered one by one at a house party crashed by Laura and Remington after
06/07/83 9p their client declines his invitation by committing suicide.
Randi Russell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lynne Randall
Ashley Feldman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Paul Hecht
Michael Dominick . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bruce Kirby
Madeline Vickers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Brandis Kemp
Cindi Sikes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Diane Stilwell
Ambrose Blinn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Robert Phalen
Nurse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Erica Yohn
On their way to visit a prospective client, Laura and Steele hear a gunshot and rush in to nd Dr. Arthur
Bellows dead in his oce. In his hand is an invitation to spend the weekend at the island resort `The Devil's
Playground'. At the oce, Murphy explains that Dr. Bellows was a cosmetic surgeon, with heavy nancial
problems after losing three malpractice suits. He also had a drinking problem which extended into the
operating room. Over Murphy's objection, Steele decides to impersonate the doctor at the resort and take
Laura along, to nd out why the invitation triggered the doctor's suicide. Laura agrees to go along, if only
to keep tabs on Steele.
Laura and Steele arrive by helicopter to the island, where they are greeted by the giggle-prone Cindi.
They also meet the dry pianist Madeline, Randi (another airhead), and Mr. Feldman, and none of them
appear put o by Steele's introduction of himself as Dr. Bellows. Steele learns the Playground is part of
Ambrose Blinn's girlie `Devil' magazine empire. Laura and Steele are shown to their room, complete with
heart-shaped bed and mirrored ceiling. Laura is disgusted by the decor and locks herself in the bathroom.
Randi comes in and bares her chest to Steele. She explains that the doctor worked on her breasts, and Laura
angrily notes that since she didn't recognize Steele as not the doctor, \they must've thrown in a lobotomy
at no extra charge."
Dinner is franks and beans on Wedgewood (since that's all Cindi could make), and Laura talks to
Feldman, Ambrose Blinn's attorney. He explains that Randi was Ambrose's regular companion until Cindi
came along. Though Randi doesn't seem to hold a grudge, perhaps because she can't hold a thought in
her head for three seconds. And the last guest is Mr. Dominick, Ambrose's business partner. Dinner is
interrupted by a message from Ambrose via closed-circuit television. He promises that his presence will be
felt \when you least expect it."
Laura is mad at Steele for nagling them into the same bedroom, though she admits that at rst she
looked forward to the encounter. Steele wanders down the hallway and hears Cindi giggling incessantly. He
returns to his room to nd Laura asleep in bed. He kisses her good-night, then tries to get some sleep on
the couch.
The following morning, Cindi is found dead in her room, and Steele (as the only doctor in the house)
concludes that she was literally tickled to death. The guests split up to search for Ambrose, and Randi
chooses Steele as her partner. She explains that he (as Dr. Bellows) was called in to operate on her when her
regular doctor was suddenly taken ill. So in fact, they've never met face to face; she was on the operating table
and he was behind a surgical mask. Steele nds Ambrose dead in the garden, choked to death on garbage.
Laura observes that the body has been dead for some days. She discovers that the previous day's greeting
was merely recorded on videotape; anyone could've set the timer to have the tape play automatically. They
can't call the police because the island is completely isolated from the outside world; even their electricity
is coming from a generator. All the guests become suspicious of each other.
In their room, Laura notes the poetic justice of the two deaths, and that Randi has motive to kill both,
but Steele believes that she is too vacuous to be the killer. Their conversation is interrupted by a scream.
Randi and Dominick wield respective weapons at each other. She found him going through Ambrose's things;
he explains he wanted to look at the books since he knew that Ambrose had swindled him, and Cindi had
spurned his advances. Steele calms them down, then back upstairs, he and Laura plan their next move.
Laura will fake her own death, allowing her to roam about unhindered.
Downstairs, the generator is starting to run out of gas, so Laura helps Feldman and Dominick fetch
the candles. Steele asks Randi to dance, and they ask Madeline to play something for them. When she
20
refuses, Randi makes a comment about Ambrose's death. Two years ago, Ambrose formed a record comany
for Madeline, then folded it after six months. She wanted another chance, especially considering what she
did for him. When Steele asks what that was, she starts playing the piano. Dominick leaves to turn o the
generator, alone. He shows the gun he carries for protection. Meanwhile, Steele suggests to Randi that they
continue in his room and sends her up ahead. A scream is heard, and all rush upstairs. Randi bumped into
Laura's wet stockings. The guests return to nd Laura, `dead' on the stairs.
Later that evening, someone takes a shot at Laura, who manages to get away just in time. This wakes
up the other guests, and they are surprised to see Laura \alive" again. Steele identies himself, and in the
hubbub, the guests forget about Madeline, the piano player, whom they nd dead, struck on the head by a
large ivory tusk. In their room, Laura and Steele talk about honesty.
The following morning, Randi is found dead in her room, a syringe found by her outstretched hand.
Feldman explains that it was Randi who originally nanced `Devil' magazine. Ambrose promised they would
split the prots, but changed his mind when it took o. So she hired Feldman to sue him, and she had a
case since the verbal contract was witnessed by Madeline. But Ambrose oered to take on Feldman as the
company attorney, in exchange for sabotaging Randi's case, which he did. Ambrose bribed Madeline with
her recording contract, and Randi lost the case. Dominick inherits it all now, but it is Feldman who had a
motive to kill Ambrose, Randi, and Madeline, so they wouldn't talk about his indiscretion. Feldman rushes
o in disgust, and Dominick chases him. Laura and Steele follow when they hear a gunshot, to see Dominick
crouched over Feldman's dead body.
They return to the house and lock all the doors and windows. Laura nds a tape recorder of Madeline's
piano playing in Dominick's room, which seems to clinch it. Later that evening, the weather has turned
stormy, and Laura and Steele chat in front of the replace. Investigating a noise, they rush upstairs to nd
Dominick|dead. Laura concludes that somebody else faked his own death, and they go downstairs, to be
greeted by Randi. She killed Ambrose in order to regain control of the magazine. She planned also to kill
Dr. Bellows (whose drunkenness during her plastic surgery left her in a sorry state) before swimming o the
island. But Laura and Steele manage to disarm her, of course.
Upon returning to the oce, Laura explains that the syringe contained a drug which slowed the heart
rate so as to simulate death. Laura informs Murphy and Bernice that they played `the truth game', and she
takes the opportunity to ask Steele what his real name is. As always, Steele tries to avoid the issue.
Movies:
Citizen Kane
And Then There Were None, Barry Fitzgerald, Walter Huston, Louis Hayward, June Depree.
Notes:
A fair mystery; more of a suspense nail-biter than a mystery.
Observant viewers might notice that Randi's death was the rst non-thematic killing.
Of course, the entire premise is pretty imsy. (Why would Dr. Bellows commit suicide over an invitation?)
The opening credits don't appear until several minutes into the episode.
Steele addresses the nurse as `Nurse Ratchet' (from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest ). He also asks
for \one of those little black bags Robert Young used to carry around." On the island, Steele constantly
introduces himself as \Dr. Bellows. Dr. Arthur Bellows."
21
Steeling the Show
2713
11
Peter Lefcourt
Seymour Robbie
01/07/83 10p A long-buried Hollywood scandal is unearthed when one of its has-beens, who thinks some05/10/83 9p one's trying to kill her, convinces Laura and Remington she may be right.
Veronica Kirk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bibi Osterwald
Jennifer Kirk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Frances Lee McCain
Phil Haver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Peter Jurasik
Mickey Prentice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Duncan Ross
Eddie Howell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Richard Backus
Dr. Dudworth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Than Wyenn
Hospital resident . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Cornelison
Late one night, an elderly woman runs frightened out of her house. The next day, Jennifer Kirk hires
Laura and Murphy to nd her mother Veronica, whom she describes as drunk and deranged. Bernice has
no success stopping Steele from barging in, and he recognizes the name Veronica Kirk as a B-movie actress
whose specialty was dying dramatically. Their rst stop is Phil Haver, a slimy movie producer who is
planning a big comeback for Veronica. He refuses to say whether or not he knows where Veronica is. Eddie
Howell, Haver's publicist, tells Laura where Haver hid Veronica, in exchange for an exclusive interview with
the Veronica Kirk and Mickey Prentice (the family butler). He believes they are covering up something juicy.
When Laura and Steele nd Veronica, Laura calls Jennifer to come pick her up, but Steele takes her
away to his apartment where he can reminisce with her about the good old movie days. Laura arrives and
scolds Steele for absconding with Veronica, but Veronica maintains that somebody is trying to kill her, and
she can prove it. When she is returned home, Veronica tells a story of a man who took a shot at her the
previous night from point-blank range, and missed. Steele uncovers a bullet-hole in the wall, only to have
Jennifer explain that it had been there for thirty years: Veronica's late husband Edgar was caught in bed
with a teenage girl by her brother, who killed him on the spot. Meanwhile, Mickey the butler nds Eddie
poking around. Eddie notes that Mickey built a $3 million portfolio with the insurance money Edgar left.
Laura and Steele reluctantly leave.
At his apartment, Steele apologies to Laura for his behavior, not just in the current case, but in general.
Laura forgives him, but their evening together is interrupted by a phone call from Veronica, who admits \I
think I just did a bad thing". In her hand is a gun, and a few feet away is Eddie Howell's dead body.
Jennifer has Veronica committed, thereby gaining power of attorney over the estate, and ocially
removes the agency from the case. Laura and Steele go to the hospital to see Veronica, but since they aren't
family, they can't see her. When Laura visits Haver, she overhears him buying up the rights to Veronica's old
lms. Then she learns that he's turning a prot on his movie without shooting a single frame: He had taken
out a healthy insurance policy on Veronica. She asks to see Eddie's les on Veronica, but Haver refuses.
Murphy poses as a plainclothes detective and deposits an insane Steele at the hospital. Meanwhile,
Laura breaks into Haver's oce and goes through the les. Murphy stops by to say that it's time they
sprung Steele. Steele wanders through the hospital and nds Veronica. She explains that she just woke up
with the gun in her hand, and turned on the lights to nd Eddie's body on the bed. At 3am, Laura stops
by the hospital posing as the health inspector, while Murphy lurks as an orderly. Laura unlocks the door to
the insane ward, allowing Steele to escape with Veronica.
At Steele's apartment, Murphy reveals that the autopsy report on Eddie said he died of a single bullet
that went through the heart and out of the body. Laura notes that everybody seems to have what they
want. Jennifer has her inheritance and Haver has his insurance money. Murphy observes that Veronica met
Eddie at the same time the attempts on her life began. She talked with him nearly every day, and Steele
notes how odd it is that someone who had regular contact with Veronica would nd the need to break in.
And Laura shows that Eddie's le contains only one name: Joseph Twain in Ventura.
All four of them go to check it out. When they arrive, they hear gunshots and see Jennifer's car leaving
the scene. Joseph Twain, the ocer who investigated Edgar's death, has been murdered, the bullet embedded
in the chair behind him. Veronica tells Laura and Steele more about the circumstances of Edgar's death.
Ocer Twain was very harsh at rst, but Mickey took him aside, and thereafter he was very kind, even
helping her memorize the story she told at Edgar's inquest. She had actually spent the night alone, but said
22
she was with Mickey as her alibi. The only person who was at home with Edgar was a 13-year-old Jennifer,
whom Edgar beat regularly.
They take Veronica home and accuse Jennifer of murdering her father. She denies killing either Edgar
or Twain, whom she had in fact never heard of. Mickey admits to paying o Edgar with part of the insurance
money, and Steele concludes he invented the story about the teenage girl to protect Jennifer. When Eddie
talked to Veronica, he started to piece together the truth, and Jennifer killed him and framed her mother.
Apparently, the bullet that killed Eddie passed clean through him, just like the one that killed Edgar and
Twain. She denies it all and oers to let them search every room in the house. Steele goes to Mickey's room
by mistake, and Mickey gets apprehensive. Laura realizes that, if he was Veronica's alibi, then she was his.
Mickey pulls out a gun, and in the struggle, a shot is red, and Veronica takes a tumble down the stairs. He
cradles her head in her arms, but she says, \You're as big a louse as Edgar."
At the oce, Murphy and Laura recap the case. Mickey loved Veronica the minute he saw her, and all
was well so long as she stayed inside the house. When Howell started asking too many questions, Mickey
got scared and tried to frighten Veronica into backing out of the movie deal with fake attempts on her life.
When that failed, he murdered Howell and framed Veronica so the movie couldn't go on.
Movies:
Psycho
Notes:
A fair mystery, though crucial information doesn't appear until the very end. We do get lots of juicy
red herrings, though.
23
Steele Flying High
2711
12
Richard Collins
Nick Havinga
01/14/83 10p Steele wonders why he's being asked to join a committee to save the bald eagle. Then he
06/28/83 9p learns about the murder of a member who supposedly sent him a controversial report on
land proposed as a sanctuary.
Grace Stanton . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Francine Lembi
Congressman Oren Bishop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Goodwin
Harry Swan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael McGuire
Millicent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Martine Bartlett
Fred . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Blake Clark
Clerk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Walter Beery
Friendly Fritz . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Paul Brennan
A man is drowned in a mountain lake. An unseen gure searches his bags, but nds nothing of interest.
At night, a woman drives to the home of Amos Maxwell, lets herself in (with the key hidden in the owerpot), and searches the papers. She nds the Remington Steele Agency's phone number in Dr. Maxwell's
appointment book and leaves.
Laura accepts (on Steele's behalf) the honorary chairmanship of a committee to save the bald eagle, as
a publicity move. At the meeting, Grace Stanton (the woman from the opening) announces that the eagerlyawaited report from Dr. Maxwell on the suitability of Lake Solitude (owned by Congressman Bishop) as a
bald eagle sanctuary has been delayed. Mrs. Stanton helps Steele escape from the meeting, and on their way
to Dr. Maxwell's house, she condes that the doctor is missing. She also cozies up to him, revealing that
she inherited $140 million upon the death of her late husband, Willis Stanton. When they reach Maxwell's
house, the spare key he usually keeps in the owerpot isn't there, so Steele picks the lock. Inside, they nd
the house ransacked, and discover the doctor dead in the bathtub.
The next morning, all are shocked to see the headline \It's Murder, Says Steele" in the paper. The
Congressman (whose environmental stance Murphy admires) and Mrs. Stanton each charge angrily into
the agency over the accusation, demanding a retraction to counteract the negative publicity. Stanton also
inquires after some information that Maxwell sent Steele, but Laura maintains that the agency received
nothing. When Bernice can't locate Steele, Laura and Murphy go to his apartment and nd that it, too,
has been ransacked, at which point they reluctantly concede that Steele might be onto something after all.
Murphy oers to get Maxwell's autopsy report, and Laura asks him to see what he can nd about Grace
Stanton.
Meanwhile, Steele has been kidnapped by Harry Swan, a fugitive from the IRS, who tells Steele how
he turned Stanton from a featureless lump into a woman after he married her. He also warns Steele that
Stanton is an accomplished liar. He then oers Steele $10,000 for \the item". Steele bargains up to $25,000,
not knowing what he's bargaining for. When Steele returns home the next morning, he nds Laura asleep
on his couch. The two of them put together the pieces: The \item" in question is Maxwell's report, which
nobody seems able to locate. Steele gets the idea in his head that he is Sam Spade and starts to play the
part by talking like Bogart.
Bernice calls: The agency has been ransacked. Meanwhile, Bishop pressures the committee into making
a decision on buying his land, despite not having Maxwell's report. But Steele arrives in time to break up
the meeting. Bishop bawls out Steele for butting in, and when Steele tells him that he has \the item" and
already has an oer for $25,000, Bishop gets rued and threatens to have Steele's license suspended. Steele
(playing Spade) confronts Stanton but she turns on her charm and calms him down.
In the limo, Steele tries to roll his own cigarette, with no success. The autopsy report on Dr. Maxwell
revealed stream water and traces of DDT in the lungs, suggesting that he was murdered at Lake Solitude.
Moreover, Grace Stanton's money is all tied up in trust funds: She can't spend any of her own money. On
their way to the lake, Laura and Steele rent a jeep from \Friendly Fritz" after the limo gets a at tire. But
the jeep's brakes were cut, and the two narrowly escape with their lives. They walk the remainder of the
way to town to look at the platt book, only to nd the relevant pages missing. The clerk says that Stanton
was the most recent person to ask for that platt book.
The sleuths confront Stanton, who confesses to tearing out the page. She was the previous owner of the
lake, and it wouldn't look good for the committee to buy her own land. So Congressman Bishop is fronting
24
the sale on behalf of Swan, the money made from the deal to be put towards settling Swan's score with the
IRS. Moreover, not only was Stanton married to Harry Swan, she still is. Swan never got a proper divorce.
Consequently, her marriage to Willis Stanton was invalid, and she has no legal claim to his estate. Swan is
willing to keep quiet in exchange for the money. Maxwell threatened to dig deeper and reveal the committee
to be a fraud.
Laura and Steele return to Maxwell's house, where Steele nds the key that used to be in the owerpot,
smudging the ngerprints in the process. The suspects are gathered when Laura claims to have \the item".
Steele realizes that DDT is bad for bald eagles, and accuses Bishop: Stanton isn't strong enough to carry the
body from the lake, and Swan didn't know that the key was kept in the owerpot. Bishop stays calm until
Laura suggests that they dust the key for ngerprints. Steele punches him out, and gives Swan a comfortable
head start to head for the border.
The next day's mail reveals Maxwell's report; it was delayed because the ZIP code was wrong. He also
gets a check for $25,000 from Stanton, postdated ve years hence, which he tears up, as well as bidding
farewell to his days as Sam Spade.
Movies:
Murder Most Foul, Margaret Rutherford, MGM 1964.
The Maltese Falcon
The Big Sleep, Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, Warner Brothers 1946.
Chinatown
Notes:
A good mystery, considering that we get all the evidence we need long before the end of the program.
25
A Good Night's Steele
2712
13
Lee [David] Zloto & R. J. Stewart
Seymour Robbie
01/21/83 10p Laura and Steele go undercover as a doctor and patient at a sleep disorder clinic that's
06/21/83 9p missing morphine|and a physician.
Ivan Turbell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Paul Reiser
Nurse Blackell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nancy Parsons
Nester Bickerman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . William Larsen
Dr. Philip Lindstrom . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Haskell
Dr. Terry Wicker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Manseld
Rona . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Marly Sims
Dr. Sheila Marcus . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nancy Linari
An unseen gure unplugs wires from a polygraph, then plugs into it a dierent set of wires, and the
machine continues its operation. The gure then walks down a hospital hallway and strangles a female
doctor who was lining up a date on the phone. She clutches a blood bag as she dies.
In his kitchen, Steele cooks dinner and is drawn away to answer the doorbell. It's Laura, who is early.
Steele tries to shoo her out and hide the fact that he's cooking, unsuccessfully. Laura is amazed that when
Steele invited her to dinner, he would cook the meal himself, and is doubly regretful of what she came to
tell him. She has to cancel, because they have a new client. Before she can explain, Dr. Lindstrom arrives.
He wants to keep the investigation quiet, since if the hospital board found out about the recent events at
his sleep disorders clinic, they'll pull his funding when it comes up for review next week. Ten days ago,
morphine started disappearing, labs broken into, records destroyed, and just last night, Dr. Sheila Marcus
mysteriously disappeared, her car is still in the parking lot. He gives them a torn photo of the missing doctor.
Laura has suggested going undercover as a doctor and having Steele register as her insomniac patient. The
theory is that the presence of the great detective Remington Steele may force the culprit's hand. Steele is
disappointed that this means his dinner with Laura is being cancelled.
While Nurse Blackell gives Steele a preliminary examination, Laura is introduced to Dr. Wicker as
Dr. Marcus's replacement. Laura tries to fake her way through a conversation with Dr. Wicker, but doesn't
do a very convincing job. Steele is shown to his room, where another patient watches curiously from afar. He
meets his roommate, Mr. Bickerman, a fellow insomniac who talks endlessly. Steele can't sleep and sneaks
out, wandering into the morgue. There, Laura nds him, and the two discover Dr. Marcus' body among the
cadavers. Laura observes bruises on the doctor's neck and concludes she was strangled. In Laura's (really,
Dr. Marcus') oce, she explains that they can't tell Lindstrom before they nd the solution. (If they do,
he'll be shut down.) The curious patient comes in and admits, \I'm the guy that did it", then promptly falls
asleep. When he wakes, Ivan Turbell explains that he's a narcoleptic, but a strange sort. He has night terrors
and acts out his dreams in his sleep. The night of Dr. Marcus' disappearance, he woke up with Dr. Marcus'
blood-stained lab jacket under his arm. Steele wants to close the case, but Laura notes that there were no
wounds on Dr. Marcus' body, so whose blood is it? Steele agrees to nd out.
Steele takes the jacket to Rona, the lab technician, and uses his charm to convince her to run a blood
test on it. Laura visits the sleep ward, and Ivan startles her. He talks about how life in prison can't be all
that bad, and Laura asks him to recall the evening in question. After Nurse Blackell hooked him up to the
polygraph, he dreamt that he strangled a dark form with a snake in his hand. Nurse Blackell comes in and
scolds Laura for disrupting their study.
Dr. Wicker talks to Steele. He gures that Sheila decided to take o before Lindstrom's clinic folded,
and he has his own backup plan: A franchise of sleep disorder clinics. He invites Steele to become an investor.
Meanwhile, Laura informs Bickerman that, due to a paperwork mixup, he'll have to take another series of
tests. Bickerman explains that he was sent to the hospital by Varicorp, who wants him to produce a clean
bill of health before they'll promote him. (Apparently, somebody found out about his insomnia.) Laura
sends him to produce a urine sample, and Steele wanders in and informs her of recent events.
That evening, Laura has dozed o on the sofa-bed in her oce and wakes up to nd Steele trying to
sleep next to her. She shows him Ivan's printout, which has a half-hour gap with no readings. Steele thinks
that clinches it, but Laura doesn't see how it ties into the missing morphine, nor how Nurse Blackell would
have failed to notice. After Laura sends Steele back to his room, she sees someone open her door open and
investigates. But the hallways are empty. She goes into a ward, and returns to nd her oce locked. She
26
takes the elevator down, and a gure tries to catch the elevator, and misses, so it takes the stairs. Laura
comes out of the elevator and hears footfalls in the stairwell and grabs a bottle and hides. She's startled
from behind by Rona, who has Steele's blood test and was on her way to deliver them personally. Laura
takes the results.
Steele talks to Ivan about the evidence they've found, and Ivan falls asleep. Laura comes in and informs
Steele that Ivan didn't do it. Not only was Steele with Ivan when somebody followed her to the nurse's
station, but the blood on the jacket was type A, whereas Dr. Marcus was type O, and Ivan is type AB{.
Ivan appears to be the victim of a frame-up, but by whom? Steele takes Ivan to the Dr. Wicker's locker
and picks the combination lock. Inside, he nds Dr. Marcus' stethoscope, and a picture of Dr. Marcus with
Dr. Lindstrom. Laura confronts Dr. Lindstrom with the picture, and he admits that it was he whom she
was talking to on the phone. He didn't mention it before because he's already married, and he didn't want
Dr. Marcus' love life to become the focus of study. He didn't know that she was seeing Dr. Wicker, but he's
not surprised. Laura suggests that perhaps Dr. Marcus found out that Dr. Wicker was trying to get the
clinic shut down, or that he had a morphine problem.
That evening, it's Steele's turn in the sleep room, and when he notices that Nurse Blackwell is absent
from her station, he unplugs himself from the polygraph machine, plugs the other patient into it, draws the
curtain over the other patient's (now dysfunctional) polygraph machine, and sneaks out. Meanwhile, Laura
comes into Dr. Wicker's oce, only to be strangled with a stethoscope. She grabs a syringe and stabs the
assailant, whom Steele arrives in time to chase o. He turns on the lights to nd Dr. Wicker in his chair,
stabbed with a pair of scissors.
In her oce, Laura admits that Wicker isn't their man after all. The stethoscope and the jacket were
plants. The killer is strewing false clues to slow down the investigation. The only thing left is the missing
morphine, which she gures must be the key to it all. She asks Steele how he got out of the sleep room, and
when he explains what he did, she realized he's done it again, solved the case.
Laura talks to Nurse Blackell while Steele and Ivan sneak into the records room. Nurse Blackell explains
that she leaves her post twice a night, to check on the other patients. And it was she who discovered the
missing morphine since it is her job to take inventory. In the records room, Steele notices one graph which
is that of an insomniac, then suddenly turns narcoleptic, then after a half hour, returns to insomniac.
Laura and Steele wait in the drug dispensary, and Bickerman comes in. They turn on the lights and
confront him. Laura accuses him of returning to pick up his blood sample so nobody would nd out that
the insomnia was caused by his drug habit. When Dr. Marcus found out, he killed her and framed Ivan,
and when Dr. Wicker found the discrepancy in the printout, he was also killed. Bickerman pulls a gun and
explains that he was injured badly in a mine accident. Five operations and a ton of pain killers later, and
he was an addict. Laura distracts him and Steele makes a lunge for the gun. In the struggle, Bockerman
gets away, but Ivan (who was napping in the corridor) wakes up and stops him.
At Steele's apartment, he has invited Laura, Ivan, and Dr. Lindstrom to dinner, and Ivan is proud that
he's staying awake through dinner, though Steele is visibly nodding o. And Bickerman's company was so
upset at the bad publicity that they made a substantial contribution the clinic, so they're back in business.
Laura takes Steele into the kitchen to fetch dessert, where he admits that he hasn't had a good night's sleep
since leaving the clinic. She rubs his temples and his shoulders to relax him, and he dozes o on her shoulder.
Laura picks him up and kisses him, then Steele quickly wakes up and dips her. Laura announces, \Time for
dessert, Mr. Steele."
Movies:
The Big Sleep
Coma, Genevieve Bujold.
Notes:
Lots of cool red herrings.
Murphy and Bernice are nowhere to be seen in the entire episode.
27
Hearts of Steele
2705
14
Charles Rosin (Glenn Caron)
Robert Butler
01/28/83 10p Laura and Remington have an intoxicating romp posing as a man and wife whose marriage
07/05/83 9p is on the rocks while they try to determine which of four angry and tippling ex-spouses is
trying to knock o their husbands' divorce lawyer.
Malcolm Marcall . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mark Hutter
Janet Kimmell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Susan Kellerman
Angela . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Linda Carlson
Megan O'Toole . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Caren Kaye
Loretta Marcall . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alexandra Borrie
Beth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mary Joan Negro
Client . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Guy Boyd
Fred . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Blake Clark
The show opens to an unknown person poisoning a bottle of champagne. At a golf course, Laura and
Steele pose as Bob and Judy Pepler (\Wouldn't you like to be a Pepler, too?"), clients of the famous divorce
lawyer Malcolm Marcall. He tells Steele that he's been run o the road and had his car exhaust tampered
with. He asks Steele to to keep his actual identity secret from his wife. In the club lounge, Malcolm switches
his glass of milk with Steele's drink when his wife comes in; he doesn't want her to know that alcohol
aggravates his ulcer, since she likes to throw parties. Steele tells Laura that Malcolm suspects one of the
four women he's currently battling in court.
After staging an argument in public, Laura is accosted by Janet, one of the wives in question. Malcolm
tells Steele that he hates the business. He's bought some land in the desert and next month, he's hanging
up his practice and moving out of Los Angeles. Steele saves him from a passing car, driven by Janet (with
Laura as passenger), who is upset that she didn't hit him. They join the other three wives at lunch, Angela,
Megan, and Beth, where they discuss their respective miseries over drinks. All of them hate Malcolm and
wish he were dead. When Laura returns to the oce, drunk, Steele, Murphy and Bernice are all waiting in
the oce, and the two men cart Laura o.
The next morning, while she is still nursing a hangover, Laura and Steele visit Marcall, who heard
somebody tinkering with the car the previous night and suspects a bomb. After dodging the guard dogs,
Steele checks out the car, blesses it (after a prayer), and takes it for a spin. But when he steps on the gas,
the car lurches forward over a cli. (Steele, of course, manages to jump out of the car.) The transmission
was re-geared so when you threw it in reverse, you were really shifting it into rst. The sleuths suspect
Megan, whose ex-husband was a race car driver. Laura goes drinking with the women again, and is called to
see Marcall. There, Steele joins her, only to be red from the case after Marcall sees her drunk and informs
her that somebody set re to his house the previous evening; Loretta was uninjured, but is in the hospital
to calm her nerves. Just as they are leaving, one of Marcall's clients oers a toast, and keels over, dead.
Laura pays a visit to Loretta in the hospital and asks her to describe the circumstances of the re.
Loretta talks about how she so loved her house, throwing parties, going to legal conventions with her
husband, playing golf on Sundays. Back at the oce, Laura and Murphy pore over the details of the case
and ignore Steele, who has a theory. He buys four bottles of the same champagne and oers it to Megan,
who is reluctant to drink with him. Murphy nds out that the poison was a herbicide (which ties into Janet's
oral shop) and the wine came from Angela's wine shop. Steele wanders back into the oce, drunk out of
his gourd. Just then, Marcall calls: He's being shot at.
Laura goes to see Marcall and leaves Steele in the car. There, Loretta answers the door; she came home
when she heard about the shots. She also has been told by Malcolm about Laura's true identity. Marcall
apologizes for the outburst in the oce, and hands Laura a check to pay for the agency's services. Just then,
Steele wanders by, still drunk. Marcall suggests that they seek professional help for the obvious drinking
problem at the agency.
The next morning, it is Steele shaking o the hangover and he has a new theory: They all did it. All the
suspects are called to the Marcall residence where Steele lets loose the accusations. Angela denies buying the
wine, since \he doesn't drink. Everybody knows that." And Janet denies poisoning the wine, for \How could
anyone get past those dogs?" While Steele is oundering, Laura solves the case: Mrs. Marcall is responsible
for the attacks on her husband. After devoting so many years of her life to the advancement of her husband's
career, she doesn't want him to retire \just when my half of the investment was beginning to pay o."
28
At the golf course, Laura explains how she drew her conclusion. Nobody ever mentioned hearing the
dogs barking during any of the various attempts on Malcolm's life because they weren't. Loretta silenced
them so as not to give herself away. That combined with the fact that Loretta didn't know that Malcolm
didn't drink alcohol clinched it. Loretta hired a mechanic to regear the car, explaining that she couldn't
adjust to the European shifting pattern. Laura tees o, and Steele notes, \Handsome shot, Mrs. Pepler."
Movies:
Casablanca (\Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world")
Notorious, Claude Rains.
Murder on the Orient Express, Albert Finney, Richard Widmark, Lauren Bacall, Vanessa Redgrave,
Michael York, Ingrid Bergman, Jacqueline Bissett, Anthony Perkins, Paramount 1974.
Notes:
A good mystery. We get all the clues way ahead of time. (Though we don't get the motive until
afterwards.)
29
15
Glenn Caron
02/11/83 10p
05/17/83 9p
To Stop a Steele
2721
Sidney Hayers
Laura and Remington don't know it, but they're working on the same case|Laura and
Murphy for the jeweler robbed of a $2 million diamond and Steele for a frightened thief
who has to explain to the syndicate that someone beat him to it.
Morrie Singer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cli Norton
Considine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael C. Gwynne
Desk Clerk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Douglas Warhit
Albert Harrod . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Donald Bishop
Frank . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Arnold Turner
Louie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Charles Lanyer
A tuxedoed elderly Jewish gentleman goes to a luxury yacht which is playing host to a wedding reception
and meets up with Louie and Frank. They crawl through the ventilation duct to Harrod's Jewelers and crack
the safe, to nd it. . . empty?
Mr. Harrod, in whose custody the $2 million jewel was entrusted, hires Laura and Murphy to nd the
thief. They have 48 hours until the owner arrives to pick up it up. Harrod asks that Steele not be involved,
since Steele bring publicity, and he was keeping the jewel in violation of his insurance policy. Laura and
Murphy gladly agree.
Morrie Singer comes into the agency and asks for Steele to help him. He's a small-time thief who retired
a few years ago. He wants to see his son Russell and his grandson, but Russell won't let him. He gures, if
he moves to Tampa, he can straighten things out with his son. But to move there costs money. So he gets
permission from Considine, the local syndicate, to knock over a jewelry shop, only to nd that \the store
was hit before we got there." He asks Steele to nd who beat him to it, and Steele oers the full resources of
his agency. Morrie corrects him; he wants nobody else on the case. Laura arrives and tells Steele that there
is an important case he shouldn't be involved in, but instead of the protest she expects, Steele is completely
amenable to the idea.
Steele and Morrie go to visit Herschel Grueber, Morrie's old pal who gave him the plans for the heist.
But when they go to the `Happy Days' retirement village, they learn that Herschel has been dead for two
months. Steele suspects a setup. As Steele and Morrie leave, Laura and Murphy arrive and ask after Herschel
Grueber, a former employee of Harrod's jewelry, and ex-con. They nd Morrie's name in the visitor book.
Back at Morrie's place, Morrie tells Steele that everything was going perfectly, only the safe was completely empty. Steele convinces him to see Considine, the crime boss who arranged the heist, and explain
what happened. But they hear somebody coming and dash out the back way. The visitors are Laura and
Murphy. They nd the tuxedos Morrie rented, and Laura gures that he's the culprit. They follow up on a
number they nd in Morrie's appointment book.
On their way to visit Louie, Steele and Morrie hear a gunshot and nd a man leaving the apartment.
The nd Louie dead and chase the car that sped away. Just as Steele and Morrie leave, Laura and Murphy
arrive and recognize Morrie's license plate, and a three-way chase ensues. But Morrie's car breaks down,
and that ends the chase.
Steele and Morrie go to Considine, who feels he has to make an example of Morrie. Then Steele
introduces himself as John Roby, the man who beat Morrie to the jewels. Steele's theory is that Considine
won't make any moves on him because he's the only person who knows where the jewels are. Just as they
leave, Laura and Murphy come in and tell Considine they're onto him. Their theory is that Morrie Singer,
small-time thief, pulls a small job and gets a big haul. His fence can't handle something that hot, so he
turns to Considine. They tell Considine that there is a $500,000 reward, no questions asked. If the stone
doesn't turn up, the media will be alerted, and the gem will be un-unloadable.
Laura and Steele are in their respective oces, and each decides to tell the other about the current state
of aairs. Murphy is against the idea, and makes a pass at Laura. Just then, Steele opens the connecting
door ands nds them kissing. He backs out apologetically. Steele suggests to Morrie that, for safety, he stay
at his place, and Morrie asks him to pick up Happy, his lethargic dog. But rst, Steele stops by Frank's
place (one of Morrie's accomplices), only to nd him also dead.
Laura and Murphy stake out Morrie's place, waiting for him to return home. Murphy takes the opportunity to pour out his heart, and Laura is attered, but not entirely receptive. Murphy promises he's not
30
going to give up yet. They see Morrie's car come, and they cover the exits. Steele hears Murphy coming
and leaves Happy there for Murphy to trip over, then picks up the dog and leaves. Laura throws her hat to
the ground in disgust.
The next morning, Steele goes to Harrod's and accuses him of stealing the diamond. Harrod is completely
ustered and Steele leaves. He then calls Laura. Laura and Murphy go to Steele's apartment, and when
Murphy comes in, Morrie bashes him over the head. Laura gets a call from Bernice: Considine says he's
located the thief.
Considine introduces the thief, John Roby. The three of them return to Steele's apartment and put
together the pieces: Considine is the culprit. Together, they hold up Considine and force him to open the
safe, revealing the diamond. He insists that they take him with them, rather than face his syndicate cohorts.
Laura, Steele, and Murphy return to the oce and explain that Considine funded the heist with syndicate
money, but kept the spoils for himself. The safe was robbed before Morrie even got to it. The reward money
went to Morrie, who can now retire to Florida. Steele then leaves Laura and Murphy alone to continue
whatever they were doing, but Laura talks to Steele, who explain that he's willing to step aside. \I just want
you two kids to be happy." Laura responds, \Like hell, you do."
Movies:
To Catch a Thief, Cary Grant, Grace Kelly, Paramount, 1955.
The Thomas Crown Aair, Steve McQueen, Faye Dunaway, United Artists, 1968.
Notes:
The date in the visitor book is `1-15-83'. Notice there are no glass shards on the oor after Morrie
coshes Murphy. Laura doesn't say \Good-bye" to Bernice before hanging up. How impolite.
31
Steele Crazy After All These Years
2715
16
Peggy Goldman, R. J. Stewart, and Andrew Laskos
Don Weis
02/18/83 10p Murphy's college homecoming is shattered by the murder of a class radical that harks back
05/31/83 9p to a campus bombing incident involving students now among the graduates|and murder
suspects.
Annie Carpenter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Annie Potts
Nat Shavers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Todd Susman
Lynette Mercer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Allyce Beasley
Hector Sanchez . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tony Plana
Dean Percy Wineld . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John C. Becher
Tom Donovan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mark King
Charlie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kander Berkeley
Homecoming Queen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sharon Stone
Dan Kowalski . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Roger Hampton
At night, a man runs frightened through a college campus. He screams.
Murphy is at his ten-year college reunion arm-wrestling with his old buddies when Annie (a believer in
`life forces' and similar southern California stu) comes in asking him for help, remembering that he is a
private detective. Her friend Dan Kowalski was supposed to meet her for dinner, but hasn't arrived. She
heard him scream an hour ago. Murphy reassures that Dan probably just ran into an old friend and lost
track of time. Then they nd his body hanging from a agpole.
Laura arrives on the scene, with Steele tagging along. After the usual exchange of unpleasantries between
Murphy and Steele, Steele gets cocky, and challenges Laura to a bet. If he solves the case rst, he gets to
spend the weekend with her in Paris. Laura agrees to the bet (over Murphy's objections), demanding as her
reward one year of the history of Steele's life.
Laura and Murphy talk to Annie, and when they mention that the body was hanging from a agpole
on the ROTC building, Annie recalls the events of ten years earlier. The gang (Annie, Nat, Lynette, Hector,
Dan, and Tom) were going to break into the ROTC building and set o some reworks from the roof as
a protest. Annie's job was to distract the guard so they could get in. While she was waiting outside, an
enormous explosion blew out the top oor, killing Tom Donovan. As for the other members, Hector wrote
to say he was coming, and Nat Shavers (legendary underground activist) is probably still hiding somewhere.
Steele pokes around Dan's room and nds all sorts of poltergeist books. Then doors start slamming,
lights ickering, blood pouring out of of faucets. He sees a ghostly gure in the mirror, which then shatters.
Steele high-tails it out of there.
At a reception, Laura talks to the homecoming queen posing to be a student, and Steele pulls her away.
He tells her he's cracked the case: A ghost did it. Laura refuses to believe it, and Steele is pulled away by
Dean Wineld. (Murphy had told him that the great detective Remington Steele was on the case.)
Laura and Murphy talk to Hector in the library, who says that he saw a ghost. Then he tells his version
of the events of a decade ago: His job was to scale the wall, open the third-oor window, drop a rope and
let the others in. While the others ran ahead, he painted slogans on the wall. Lynette came down to say
that there were guards coming and they all rushed out. Just as they leave the building, Boom. After Hector
nishes his story, they all see a ghost, and Laura and Murphy chase it, to no avail. When they return, they
nd that Hector has vanished.
Steele is talking to Dean Wineld about the case in the plaza and nds a clue: A nametag. As Dean
Wineld describes how he discovered the body, they look up to nd Hector's body hanging from the agpole.
The next day, Murphy is upset that Laura now subscribes to the ghost theory. Steele claims to have
solved the case, but gives no details. Murphy storms out, and after Laura also leaves, Steele reveals the
killer's name to Annie: Tom Donovan, the name on the nametag. She tells him that Tom has been dead for
ten years.
Laura catches a man breaking into her car and nds out that he is Charles Ryder, a.k.a. Nat Shavers.
He tells his story: After Hector let them in, Tom and Lynette went onto the roof, and Nat went looking for
incriminating les. Lynette said the bomb was nearly set and campus security was coming. Just as they
rush out, Boom. Nat explains that the plan was to blow up the building, but they told Annie, Dan and
Hector that they were just setting o reworks to get them to go along with it.
32
Back at Dan's apartment, Steele nds wires running under the carpeting into the bathroom. There, he
nds Murphy and Nat dismantling what's left of the electronic gadgetry that made it appear that there was
a ghost. Steele nds a clue (an earring) and refuses to let Murphy see it.
Laura is talking to Annie when an intruder rushes out of the building. They give chase and are joined
by Steele and Murphy, but the fellow just vanishes! Then Laura, then Steele vanish, too.
Laura and Steele nd a secret panel in the kiosk which leads to an underground system of tunnels. Steele
oers to call o the bet, and just award each other the prizes. They hear a noise up ahead and investigate.
Steele lights a match and they get shot at. They chase the gunman through the passages and emerge out
a trapdoor that leads to . . . the women's dressing room. They apologize and return to the tunnels, where
they catch Lynette.
Lynette joined a Hindu Kush in Afghanistan after graduating. Here's her story: After Nat left, Tom
and she were supposed to go up to the roof. But instead, Tom went into an oce, and she realized that he
brought much more explosives than necessary. Tom set everyone up. He was going to blow up the entire
building and make them all martyrs to the revolution. Lynette loved him, but hadn't noticed that he"d
become more fanatic with each adventure. She thought about warning the others, but feared they wouldn't
believe her. Knowing that if he didn't succeed, Tom would merely try again, she bashed him on the head,
set the timer, and ran away, telling everyone to get out. When asked what she was doing in the tunnels, she
says she hiding, was afraid that the killer would go after her next. She learned about the tunnels from Tom,
who discovered them with his kid sister when she came for a visit. Laura believes her, since Lynette had no
motive to kill anyone. And Steele realizes that Lynette doesn't wear jewelry.
Laura insists that the answer is somewhere in Annie's scrapbook, looking for someone with a motive
and access to everything. She and Murphy see the photo of Tom and his kid sister and recognize her as
the homecoming queen. They break into her dressing room and nd Tom Donovan's jacket, a mask, and a
wig. Independently, Steele recognizes the earring as the one worn by the homecoming queen in the publicity
photos. They simultaneously capture her. She wanted to kill those who were responsible for Tom's death.
\I'm sorry I didn't get them all!"
Back at Steele's apartment, he and Laura declare the bet a draw, and Steele oers to award each other
half of the prizes. While they're getting cozy, the light bulb burns out|the work of Steele's ancestral ghost,
perhaps?
Movies:
The Uninvited, Ray Milland, Gail Russell, Paramount 1944.
The Third Man, Orson Welles, London Films, 1949.
Notes:
Observant viewers might have begun to suspect the culprit when the trail led to the women's dressing
room.
Bernice does not appear.
Some movie jokes, like \Mr. Yippie Goes to Washington" and \The Phantom of the Cinema".
33
Steele Among the Living
2718
17
Andrew Laskos
Nick Havinga
02/25/83 10p The paintings of a vanished artist begin to soar in value as Laura and Steele search for the
07/12/83 9p body, amid mounting evidence that the painter's demise may prot her estranged husband,
and the gallery about to open her one-woman show.
Leo Blitzman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Phil Rubenstein
Marion Travis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Marilyn Jones
Teddy Bennett . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Reid Smith
Nicholas Spriggs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Hansford Rowe
Noah Devereaux . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Peter Vogt
Rina Casellis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Judith Anna Roberts
Giovanni . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Byrd
Darryl . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Israel Jurabe
Fred . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Blake Clark
At a party, the painter Rina Casellis makes a drunken scene, embarrassing her husband Teddy Bennett,
as well as Marion Travis, another woman at the party. That evening, she is attacked by an unseen assailant.
Laura is at her sculpture class, working on a twisted piece of metal titled `The Lovers'. Marion approaches her for help. They go to Rina's house, and Marion, who is in love with Teddy, wants Laura to clear
Teddy's name. Teddy told the police he was with Marion the night of the murder, and Marion went along
with the story.
At the oce, Darryl, a dierent kind of painter, asks Steele what color he wants the oce painted.
While Steele contemplates the options, he answers the phone. It's for Laura. \This is Giovanni. Last night,
how you say, she was magnico." Laura comes in with Marion to discuss the case: Teddy married Rina for
the money, and she was blackmailing him, though Marion doesn't know over what.
At the Spriggs gallery, Laura and Steele nd a heated argument in the back room over an upcoming
exhibition of Rina's works. They ask Spriggs about the party in question, and Noah Devereaux, art critic,
steps forward, accusing Teddy. Spriggs notices a shady character, who runs out. Laura and Steele catch
up to him: It's Leo Blitzman, private eye. They let Blitzman go, but follow him. During the chase, Laura
notices that \It's almost as if they [Spriggs and Devereaux] were expecting her to die."
Leo leads them to a loft, where Teddy is hiding. Teddy hired Blitzman to prove Marion's innocence.
Teddy says he couldn't have killed Rina for her money, since she was in nancial trouble; demand for her
paintings was dropping. When asked if he knows if there's anyone else who might want her dead, he admits
he hadn't seen much of Rina lately; she was always at her secret hideaway where she does her painting. And
the loft is being rented by Marion as a storage room.
While Laura and Steele look around Rina's house, Murphy calls and says that Rina was going blind.
Laura wonders why, although there is blood spattered on the wall, none of it landed on her paintings, and
Steele suggests that Rina staged her own murder to boost the value of her paintings.
On their way to meet Marion, Steele tries to clear the air, but when Laura realizes that Steele mistook
Giovanni as her lover, she plays sarcastic, then spots a bug in the limo: Blitzman is following them. When
they greet Marion at the loft, Steele discovers Rina's body.
At the oce, Laura explains to Marion that Rina staged her own murder, but somebody found out and
decided to make the a murder reality and absconded with the paintings. Unfortunately, the evidence points
to Teddy as the likely culprit. When Murphy calls Laura away, Steele learns the truth about `The Lovers'
from Marion. Murphy reports that Teddy he embezzled money from Rina to pay o gambling debts. She
found out about it, collected enough evidence to have him convicted, then blackmailed him. This doesn't
bode well for their client.
Taking Laura home in the limo, Steele apologizes for being jealous about `The Lovers', but pulls his
own stunt to make Laura jealous. Laura returns home to nd Teddy hiding there. Meanwhile, Steele nds
Leo has broken into his apartment and made himself at home. Teddy went through Rina's things and found
a contract. It says that Rina sold all her paintings, including the ones no one has seen yet, to a consortium.
He hopes that this clears him, but Laura regrets that since he didn't know about the contract, this does not
remove his motive for murder. Though it does expand the list of suspects. Laura suggests that Teddy spend
the night with her, for safety's sake. Blitzman suggests that he and Steele team up, dump `baby-doll', split
the nder's fee, then go into business together. Steele shows Leo to the door.
34
The next day, Steele nds men's clothing on Laura's couch as they leave to see Spriggs, who called and
said it was urgent. They arrive to nd him dead. As they go through the slides of Rina's paintings, Steele
recognizes the crossed palms and they go there to see if Rina's private hideaway is nearby. They nd the
house and catch Devereaux trying to run away. Devereaux planned the fake murder, and killed Spriggs when
he threatened to go to the police. But he didn't kill Rina; after all, he doesn't know where the paintings are.
Rina was on her way to get them when she was killed.
Laura deduces that the paintings must be in the loft. Steele nds them, and Leo suggests they sell them
on the black markey. Laura asks Blitzman where he got the key to get in; she has Teddy's, Marion had hers,
and the police didn't nd a key on Rina's body. Leo pulls a gun. He had come by to talk to Teddy, but
found Rina. She refused his 50/50 deal and ran away, and he accidentally killed her. So Blitzman hooked
up with Steele to nd the paintings. Steele calmly takes the gun away.
Steele decides to paint the walls `trustworthy grey', the same color they were originally. Marion and
Teddy announce their engagement, and Laura and Steele share `sixty seconds of total honesty'.
Movies:
Laura, Dana Andrews, Gene Tierney, Twentieth Century Fox, 1944.
It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, United Artists, 1963. Spencer Tracy and a cadre of comics.
Notes:
Then opening act is loaded with clever juxtapositions.
35
Steele in the News
2717
18
Fred Lyle and Duncan Smith (and Michael Gleason)
Burt Brinckerho
03/04/83 10p A saboteur in a TV studio makes the news team look like bumbling fools on the air. But
07/26/83 9p no one's laughing when the weatherman tumbles from the rafters, dead.
Elliot Walsh . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . J. D. Cannon
Hoop Tracy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Maggie Roswell
Russel Stewart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Reilly
Amy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jenny O'Hara
Ed Greene . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ron Frazier
? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Richard Moll
? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alan Blumenfeld
Meanwhile, the station's gossip reporter is uncovering the truth about Remington Steele. Laura's hero,
Elliot Walsh, is the culprit. He's angry that the \happy-talk" format of the news program isn't really
journalism.
36
37
19
Susan Baskin
03/15/83 9p
08/02/83 9p
Vintage Steele
2716
Larry Elikann
A vintage caper involves Laura and Steele with a corpse that bobbed to the surface of a
wine vat and keeps resurfacing in apparently unrelated places.
Wilson Jeries . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Human
Claude Vandermeer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James Widdoes
Alexis Vandermeer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Beverlee McKinsey
Werner Schumann . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Currie
Chester Harcourt . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ?
Brother Bartholomew . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael O'Guinne
Reporter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ?
Reporter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Luise Heath
At a press conference held at the Vandermeer wine factory, Wilson Jeries is asked about the $20 million
loan to Claude Vandermeer to expand his winery. After elding the question, he excuses himself and nds
a body in one of the vats.
Steele arrives at work before Laura and takes Wilson into his oce. Wilson babbles excitedly, but we
manage to gure out that he's a banker, who suggested investing in Vandermeer Vineyard, but something
went amiss. Laura arrives but steps back outside the second she sees Wilson. Upon further inspection, we
learn that Wilson is the man Laura lived with. Wilson takes the pair outside to show them the body, but it's
gone from the trunk of his car. They hop into Laura's car to retrace his steps, and head into wine country,
passing by a eld of toiling monks. They stop at the spot Wilson had pulled over to relieve himself, and
Wilson explains he took the body because its discovery would prevent the loan from going through, and ruin
his career in the process. But there is no sign of a body. A passing horse rears up at the sight of the car,
and the rider is thrown o. She orders them to get the car out of sight.
Laura, Steele, and Wilson continue to the winery. (Wilson's presence has also had its eect on Laura's
driving, which is now much more reckless.) They greet Claude, and Steele introduces himself as Nigel
Lindsey-Woolsey, looking to do a feature in his wine book. Claude eagerly shows them around, and while
he's o in his own world, Laura and Steele stumble upon the body, which had been hidden atop a conveyer
belt. Before they can decide what to do next, Harcourt and the other bankers drop in. Laura sends Wilson
and Claude ahead to stall them, while she and Steele struggle to stu the body into a barrel. When the
bankers come in, Laura and Steele still have an arm outstanding, so they arrange themselves to make it look
like the arm is Steele's, draped around Laura's waist. Harcourt recognizes Laura, but can't quite place her
face.
Laura and Steele roll the barrel outside, and Steele decides to name the body Harry, after the movie The
Trouble with Harry. The equestrienne stops in and identies herself as Alexis Vandermeer, Claude's mother.
Assuming that they're with the bank, Alexis tells them that they're wasting their money. The land in the
area is not suited to grapes. This year they just had a freak harvest. She's mad at Claude for squandering
her money on the vineyard.
Laura and Steele roll the barrel into a shed, and after a brief chat, they return to nd him rolling away
down the hill. Harry bursts through a fence and is stopped by a gun-toting gentleman. Werner Schumann
has been growing grapes for 40 years and is mad at Claude for hitting it big shortly after buying land in the
area.
That evening at the winery, the bankers are engaged in drunken revelry (thanks to Claude's wine), while
Laura, Steele, and Claude stand watch over the barrel. Laura gures the killer is placing the body in the
winery to sabotage its expansion. Claude suspects his mother, who has always been out to undermine his
success. The bankers wander in, and Harcourt spots the barrel and identies it as `fresh supplies'. Claude
and Steele try to convince them to try another barrel, but Harcourt reminds them that he has nal approval
on the loan. Laura sits coyly atop the barrel. Harcourt then recognizes Laura as \the gal from Acapulco"
Wilson had brought down for a convention. \She did the big fan dance on the bar!" (\The dance was big.
The, uh, fans weren't," explains Laura.) The bankers start to roll the barrel away, and Laura steps in front
of them. \Think Acapulco was fun? You ain't seen nothin' yet." While Laura keeps the bankers busy with
a combined striptease/wild goose chase, somebody clonks Claude and gets away with the body. (During her
mad dash through the winery, Laura literally bumps into a monk.)
38
The next day at the winery, Wilson remembers there is a monastery nearby, though Claude notes that
the monks hardly ever leave the compound. Wilson gures that whoever has the body has planted it back
in the winery, for it to be discovered at an inopportune moment. Laura privately talks to Wilson, bitter at
him for breaking up with her. Laura, Steele, and Wilson nd barrel tracks leading into the warehouse and
head inside. Steele gures it was Werner who took the body, since he was the only one with a truck. Inside,
Laura and Steele dodge some falling barrels and rush outside to see Werner's pickup speeding o, with a
barrel in the bargo bin.
They pursue in Laura's car, and nd an empty barrel by the side of the road. Laura nds a rope belt
nearby and suspects there's a connection to the monastery. That evening, Laura and Wilson chat while
Steele searches for a way to break into the monastery. Steele nds one, and he and Laura break in. They
don clerical robes, then look behind them to nd that they're playing follow-the-leader with a group of
monks, and they're the leaders. They duck into a room and nd. . . the body atop an altar.
They beat a hasty retreat and hide in the basement, which is a wine cellar. Steele helps himself to a
bottle, and suspects the monks want to sabotage the winery because they have a winery of their own. Laura
nds the wine very familiar. Laura wonders out loud, \Think there's any danger in feeling too much too
soon?" and kisses Steele, but they are interrupted by a monk who happens downstairs. The monk hands
them a card, indicating that he's taken a vow of silence. So they play charades and learn that the dead man
was their abbott, but the monk doesn't know who did it or why. Laura has a plan to nd out more.
The abbot's body is lying in a eld, with Laura, Steele, the monk, and Wilson hiding in the bushes.
Steele has let the rumor spread that the body has been found, so it's a just a matter of time to see who
comes to pick him up. They hear a twig snap and catch Werner. Steele concludes that he murdered the
abbot and used the body to sabotage Claude. But Werner denies it. Yes, it was he who stole the barrel,
but with the intent of studying Claude's wine. To his surprise, he found a body inside. So he hid it in the
warehouse and tried to scare o Laura and Steele when he thought they were going to accuse him. Laura
admits that Werner's story makes sense; if he was going to kill anyone, why not just kill Claude directly?
They hear someone else coming, and it's Mrs. Vandermeer. Steele accuses her of killing the abbot and
using him to sabotage Claude. But she denies it as well. She saw Wilson with the body and stole it from
his car. She saw her chance to undermine Claude and planted it in the winery. That was the extent of her
relationship with Harry.
They hear another person coming; it's Claude, wearing the abbot's robe. Steele inadvertently identies
the wine as the monks' and not Claude's, and realizes he's solved the case. Laura explains. Claude knew as
well as Werner that the land wasn't suited for grapes; he intended to abscond with the $20 million. Claude
admits he started buying wine from the abbot a few years ago, and entered some under his own label at
a competition. He didn't expect it to win rst prize. The abbot didn't want to go along with Claude's
expansion scheme, and threatened to expose the whole thing. Claude hid the body in the vat until he could
dispose of it properly.
The next day, Harry is given a proper burial. Wilson bids Laura farewell, and Steele asks Laura about
her fan dance.
Movies:
The Trouble with Harry, Paramount 1955.
Rasputin and the Empress MGM 1932. John, Lionel and Ethel Barrymore.
Notes:
Murphy does not appear.
39
20
R. J. Stewart
03/22/83 9p
08/23/83 9p
Steele's Gold
2723
Burt Brinckerho
At an \Old California" party, where the sleuths are working security, a legendary prospector's journal is stolen and a guest is stabbed to death, whose dying words spark a fevered
gold rush|led by Laura, Steele, and Murphy.
Emmett . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James Callahan
Sylvia . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lois de Banzie
Kitty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Barbara Stock
Chance McCormick . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . William Russ
Felix . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ellis Ren
40
41
21
Gary Kott
04/05/83 9p
08/16/83 9p
Sting of Steele
2722
Seymour Robbie
Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. and daughter Stephanie make droll antagonists as con man extraordinaire Daniel Chalmers and his pursuer Laura Holt, who is astonished to nd him working
a stylish sting with Steele, his one-time protege|all the while making an equally polished
play for her mother.
Daniel Chalmers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.
Abigail Holt . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Beverly Garland
Albert Hoskins . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Orchard
Major . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Peter Bromilow
[Airplane] Salesman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Robert Denison
Roulette man? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gerry Gibson
Leon Pinsky? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Derek Partridge
Bailey? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Raymond Skipp
Casino assistant . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jim Jansen
Daniel Chalmers and The Major are in a London gambling casino. The Major places a substantial bet,
and Chalmers pulls out his hearing aid and ddles with it, swearing all the while. The man running the
roulette wheel presses a button under the table, and the ball hops into a losing pocket. Then Chalmers ddles
some more, and the ball hops into the number the Major had bet on. When this happens a second time, one
of Hoskins's assistants informs him that somebody is cheating. Hoskins, the owner, is dumbfounded. \How
can that be? Customers don't cheat us, we cheat them." The Major cashes the chips for 200 000 pounds,
and switches the bag with Chalmers before he is called in to see Hoskins. Hoskins extracts Chalmers's name
from him before killing him.
Hoskins arrives in Los Angeles and hires the Agency to locate Chalmers. His story is that Chalmers
won a lot of money from him at his casino, and he wasn't able to pay him o. So he's trying to nd him
so he can pay him the dierence and even the score. Laura gets a buzz from Bernice: Steele has called
in with the u, and Laura's mother is here. Laura scoots Hoskins out and hides her mother (now sobbing
uncontrollably) in Steele's oce. She calls Steele to check up on him.
Steele answers the phone in the limo, far from ill. He's at the airport picking up Chalmers, who swindled
a free ride in a private plane pretending to be interested in purchasing one. Meanwhile, Abigail tells her
story. She hadn't seen anyone since Laura's father took o, until recently. She met a Dr Harvey Fennerman
and the two spent a lot of time together. They were planning to go o and spend a weekend together, until
he suggested that he bring his wife along.
Laura (and Abigail) go to the hotel where Chalmers is staying and break into his room, and Abigail
nds a notepad with lots of phone numbers jotted on it. Meanwhile, Chalmers tells Steele what happened.
He did it to nance his retirement in the south of France, but things went sour. So he now has a plan to
get back at Hoskins. Chalmers used his contacts to `recommend' that Hoskins hire the Agency, and Steele
planted assorted phone numbers in the hotel room. Just then, Laura and Abigal arrive at the apartment,
and Steele hides Chalmers in the kitchen. But Abigail nds Chalmers, who introduces himself as `Colonel
Reginald Froebish, Tenth Royal Hoosars'. Laura informs Steele that they have a new client, Albert Hoskins.
That evening, Chalmers and Steele (as sports bookie Jake Tucker and Johnny Todd) rough up a fellow
(really, one of Chalmer's men) who fell behind on his payments to Tucker. Hoskins is there, and Chalmers
swindles him out of $1000 at darts. The next day, Laura briefs Hoskins on what she's found. The numbers
in the hotel room were to yacht brokers, gambling equipment houses, and an upholsterer. Hoskins is not
impressed and demands to see Steele. Laura leaves in a hu, and Steele comes in, as Johnny Todd. He asks
Hoskins to help him get himself loose from Tucker. He explains that he has a source that can get sports
results before Tucker's own sources, and therefore can place the bet for a sure win. He needs Hoskins to
place the bet for him. Hoskins agrees to listen some more.
Back at the oce, Abigail is on cloud nine and shows Laura some roses that she received from Reginald.
Then Abigail gets a phone call and asks Laura to leave. Bernice tells Laura that it's from Reginald. Meanwhile, Steele has brought Hoskins to see Leon Pinsky, the man with the satellite dish. Hoskins is impressed
and agrees to go along, demanding half of the winnings for his trouble.
Laura and Murphy break into Steele's apartment and poke through Chalmers' suitcase. They nd the
wig and hearing aid, as well as Chalmers' assorted passports. On the yacht Chalmers has all set up, he and
42
Steele reminisce about the good old days. Then Steele is called in by Laura who confronts him with the
information she's found. Steele explains what's really going on. Laura agrees to the plan. Later that evening,
Laura stops by Steele's apartment to nd (to her shock) Chalmers and Abigail having dinner together. While
Abigail is shunted to the kitchen, Laura extracts from Chalmers some background on Steele and asks that
Chalmers say good-bye to her mother, gently but rmly. Chalmers agrees. Abigail returns and hustles Laura
out the door.
Back at the yacht, the next act in the play unfolds. Hoskins comes in and Steele gives him the results.
But before he can place the bet, Laura barges in demanding to talk to `Chalmers'. Hoskins hides (fearing
`Chalmers' will recognize him) and misses placing the bet. Abigail barges in and has a heated argument
with Chalmers before she is hauled out.
The next day, Hoskins is moving out of his hotel room, and Steele (Johnny Todd) catches him and asks
what the deal is. Hoskins says he's found what he's after and is leaving. Johnny's problem is his own. He
goes to see `Steele' (really, Murphy playing the rôle) who explains that Chalmers is going under the name
of Jake Tucker. On the yacht, Steele gets a call from Hoskins: He's back in the game. Steele calls Laura to
set up the next stage of the sting.
Laura calls Hoskins to the oce and gives her \I do the work, he takes the bows" speech. She then
explains that she needs money to start her own agency and break away from Steele, and that she was the
one who really found Chalmers. Hoskins pays her $5000 for further information on Chalmers. She says that
Chalmers has complete dossier on him, believes that he killed a friend of his, and then when Hoskins sets
foot on the yacht, he's going to even the score. Hoskins is angry, \How did he know I was coming back?"
\Don't you think he's missed the wig and hearing aid by now?"
That evening, Hoskins pays his last visit to the yacht. He wants to bet $50,000 on the Manchester game
to get his money back. Steele (Johnny Todd) objects, but Hoskins insists. Just as he's about to place the
bet, Abigail barges in, upset, and shoots Chalmers, then starts ring indiscriminately. Steele ushers Hoskins
out the back door and sends him on his way to the airport. Ìt was almost worth 50,000 to see Chalmers
dead and gone.' One Hoskins is gone, Chalmers gets up, and everybody applauds, except for Laura, who is
dumbfounded.
At Steele's apartment, they recap the scam. Hoskins thinks Chalmers dead and won't go after him, and
his gun is being sent to London where it will be used as evidence to prove that he killed the Major.
Movies:
Thirty Seconds over Tokyo
The episode is based on The Sting.
Notes:
Note that Chalmers speaks with an American accent when not pretending to be British.
It's also amusing that Laura uses the alias `Myrtle Groggins' that Steele made up for her back in `Steele
Trap'.
43
Steele in Circulation
2724
22
Lee David Zloto
Don Weis
04/12/83 9p It's touch and go as Laura and Remington try to thwart repeated attempts by a bank
07/19/83 9p employee to end it all because he \borrowed" $50,000 for a few days to help a damsel in
distress, only to have both the dough and the damsel disappear.
Alfred R. Hollis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Doolittle
Angelica da Gama . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gina Gallego
Horace Erskin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Richard Kuss
Sherry Webster . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Patsy Pease
Boutique owner? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Amanda McBroom
Bank assistant? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Martin Azarow
Gun shop owner? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Edwards
Mr. Cutler? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Thomas Newman
Mrs. Thackett? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Adele Rosse
Punk? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ken Gibbel
Alfred Hollis works at the Federal Reserve Bank, in charge of money destruction. He very nervously
signs out $2.3 million during lunch Friday and hides it under the front seat of his car. When work lets out,
he nds his car has been stolen.
Saturday morning, Steele's arrival at the oce is delayed by a at tire. While Laura tries to calm the
prospective client, Steele stops Alfred from jumping o the bridge. He hustles Alfred into the oce and gets
rid of Mr. Cutler. Alfred explains that his girlfriend, Angelica, a recent immigrant from Spain, opened a
novelty boutique and needed $50,000 to show her creditors. Her money in Spain was tied up in paperwork,
so Alfred agreed to `borrow' the money from the bank just for the weekend.
They go with Alfred to see Angelica, but nd her apartment empty, and the landlady explains that the
residents (not Angelica) have been on vacation for several weeks. Alfred runs to the roof, sees Angelica, and
falls o (luckily, onto a ledge). Laura notices that a newspaper in the apartment is only a week old. Alfred
realizes he's been a mark in a scam and tries to leap out of the car, but they stop him.
Laura and Steele leave Alfred in Murphy's care, interrupting his weekend ing with Sherry. Sherry,
who happens to be a psychology Ph.D (although she told Murphy she was a stewardess), consoles Alfred.
Laura and Steele go to the punk boutique Angelica allegedly owned (`Broken Promises'), to nd that she
was merely an employee, and was red recently. They nd a telephone number, and Alfred recognizes it as
a bank number.
They take Alfred to the bank (posing as his cousins from Cleveland) and trace the number to J. P. Whitcomb, the district supervisor, the man who promoted Alfred. The oce is very sparse, and there is only one
address in the appointment calendar. When Alfred realizes that his promotion was solely in order to pull o
the scam, he runs out. He stands under a construction elevator, but is unharmed. Then an unseen gunman
takes a shot at him, and he runs o.
At three in the morning, Laura, Steele, Murphy, and Sherry gather at the oce. Steele proposes various
places to look for Alfred (based on movies) and Sherry joins in: She minored in cinema. Murphy and Sherry
set o in search of Alfred, while Laura and Steele go to `Lingerie', a nightclub where Angelica allegedly
hung out. The nd her and learn that she was forced to go along with the scam by Whitcomb, lest she be
deported back to Mexico.
In the morning, Angelica leads them back to the bridge where Steele rescued Alfred, and they nd him
down below, asleep. They follow up on the address in Whitcomb's calendar: A gun dealer. Angelica identies
a police service revolver as the gun Whitcomb used to threaten her. Murphy reports that Whitcomb is dead,
and Alfred recognizes the scrap of paper Steele used to jot down the address as the paper they use to wrap
`dead' money.
That evening, Laura and Steele break into the Federal Reserve Bank with the aid of Murphy and Sherry
(who knows how to operate the crane). They nd the money hidden in the ceiling of Whitcomb's oce.
Erskin nds them and holds them at gunpoint. He forged Whitcomb's signature on the promotion. Erskin
is disarmed in a daring struggle.
Monday morning, Bernice opens the oce to nd Alfred and Angelica leaving, arm in arm, then Murphy
and Sherry, then Laura and Steele. Steele explains the weekend's events, but Bernice doesn't believe him.
44
Movies:
Gaslight, Charles Boyer, Ingrid Bergman, MGM, 1944.
A Star is Born, Frederick March
Anna Karenina, Greta Garbo
The Music Lovers, Richard Chamberlain
Pennies from Heaven
Notes:
On the opening, when you see hands riing through what is supposed to be a wad of hundred-dollar
bills, one of them is a one-dollar bill.
45
46
Second Season (1983{1984)
Remington Steele
Starring
and
Also starring
Doris Roberts as Mildred Krebs
Created by
Executive Producer
Michael Gleason
47
Steele Away With Me (Part 1)
3709A
23
Michael Gleason
Seymour Robbie
09/20/83 9p The second-season opener nds Laura and Remington in Mexico, after a tuna stued with
01/24/84 9p diamonds and wrapped in an Acapulco newspaper is dropped on her doorstep by a dying
man. As a deadly smuggling conspiracy emerges, they're abetted by Mildred Krebs, an IRS
auditor dogging Steele.
Alexander Sebastien . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Warner
Paul Dominick . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vincent Baggetta
Captain Rios . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pedro Armendariz, Jr.
Jack Merkle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ray Girardin
George Plummer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jack Blessing
Hector Figueroa . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Fausto Bara
Secretary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Chloe Webb
We see safes being cracked in Cairo, London, and Amsterdam, and diamonds being stolen. We cut to
San Diego, where a teenage boy wanders the nighttime streets carrying a package, then is chased and shot
by an unseen gunman. The next morning, Laura answers her front door, and the boy falls, dead, into her
living room.
Meanwhile, the oce is crawling with secretaries waiting to be interviewed for the position vacated by
Bernice. Mildred marches in and demands to see Steele. She's here to audit the agency and notes that the
IRS seems to have lost Steele's tax return and asks to see Steele's copy. Steele excuses himself and calls
Laura, who asks that he come to see her. He sneaks out.
The dead man is carrying the papers of Laura's cleaning lady's son, and the package is a tuna. Maria
(the cleaning lady) comes in and insists that the man is not her son. Steele cuts open the tuna to nd it
stued with diamonds.
They return to the oce and Laura apologizes for the delay. When Laura realizes that they need Steele's
tax return, she confers with Steele in her oce. Laura gets a phone call from the Coast Guard. Hector's
tuna boat was in Acapulco three days ago; the newspaper is from an Acapulco paper; the key they found
on the boy's body is from the Acapulco Princess Hotel. Laura leaves for Acapulco, and Steele tells Mildred
he didn't le a return because he didn't earn any income. Mildred replies that if she nds a single personal
item in his apartment, she's going to bust him.
Laura arrives in Acapulco and the hotel clerk identies the dead man as Pedro Campos, a bellman at
the hotel. She asks for room 2009 (the room on the key) and is embarrassed to nd that it's the honeymoon
suite and it's booked solid. Meanwhile, a suspicious-looking man follows Laura around, pretending to be
Martin Ring.
Laura goes into the residential area in search of Pedro and makes no progress, owing to her inability to
speak Spanish. Bad guys in a passing car grab her, but she manages to get away and bumps into Ring.
Late at night, Steele gets a call from Hector. When Hector learns that Pedro is dead, he apologizes and
tells Laura to stay away, lest she get killed. He then hangs up suddenly. Steele thinks for a moment, then
books a ight to Acapulco as Michael O'Leary.
Laura is being helped by Captain Rios who says he'll take over the search. Martin Ring can be seen
lurking in the background.
The next day, Mildred comes just as Steele is leaving. When she sees the plane reservation, she grabs
her bags and dashes out.
Alexander Sebastien promises a buyer that his diamonds will be smuggled into the United States that
evening. Dominick tells Sebastien that a woman is snooping around Campos's place, and Sebastien tells
Dominick that that's his problem.
A couple checks out of the honeymoon suite, and Dominick pays o the porter to get into their room.
He smuggles diamonds inside their luggage, but is interrupted by the wife who returned for her watch. Later,
Laura nds George Plummer trying to get back into the room. She uses her key to get in and they nd
nobody inside. While they talk downstairs, Steele pops in. He and Laura trade information, and Steele
dashes out when Captain Rios appears.
48
Laura detours the next occupants of the suite and Steele books it. Mildred marches in and Steele
pretends she's his wife to keep her quiet. Back up in the room, Steele knocks her out when she picks up the
phone to call her supervisor. Laura arrives and they tie up Mildred.
Hector has turned up|in jail. As Laura leaves to see him, we see Mr. Bloustein insisting that he
didn't cancel their reservation. Laura leaves in a cab, Martin Ring follows her, and Steele follows him. In
prison, Hector tells all he knows: Pedro was part of a smuggling ring. They'd hide diamonds in tourists'
luggage, then recover them after they'd sucessfully negotiated customs. But Pedro decided to keep some for
himself. Two guys roughed up Hector demanding to know what the story was, and he is now hiding in jail
so they can't get to him. The only lead Hector has is a nightclub called `Pepe's', where Pedro picked up the
diamonds.
Laura leaves the jail and Steele joins her. He points out that Ring has been following her all day. The
two stroll through town to try to lose him, eventually leading him into a bullghting ring. Ring is left alone
in the ring, and a bull comes in. (To be continued.)
Movies:
The Maltese Falcon
The Bride of Frankenstein
Notes:
Inside joke fun: Pedro Armendariz, Jr. appears in the episode in which Laura mentions his father.
49
Steele Away With Me (Part 2)
3709B
23
Michael Gleason
Seymour Robbie
09/20/83 10p The second-season opener nds Laura and Remington in Mexico, after a tuna stued with
01/24/84 10p diamonds and wrapped in an Acapulco newspaper is dropped on her doorstep by a dying
man. As a deadly smuggling conspiracy emerges, they're abetted by Mildred Krebs, an IRS
auditor dogging Steele.
Alexander Sebastien . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Warner
Paul Dominick . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vincent Baggetta
Captain Rios . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pedro Armendariz, Jr.
Jack Merkle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ray Girardin
George Plummer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jack Blessing
Hector Figueroa . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Fausto Bara
Laura and Steele trap Ring and nd out that he's really Jack Merkle from U.S. Customs. He considers
Laura a suspect in the recent $250 million diamond heists. When they're done with him, Laura and Steele
do a little bullghting so he can get away.
Upon returning to the hotel, they untie Mildred and tell her about the case. But she is not impressed
and views Laura's oer to hire her as bribery. She asks to call her supervisor. Laura and Steele confer and
Steele is encouraged by the 10% nder's fee. Mildred reports that she has been suspended for dereliction of
duty.
That evening, Laura and Steele have dinner at a restaurant. They talk about their relationship and
Steele explains why Captain Rios is after him: The fth piece of the Marchesa Collection was stolen, and
Steele stole them back. Throughout, they are interrupted by guitar players all playing the same song. They
leave just as Mildred arrives.
Later that evening, Steele nds the diamonds hidden in the luggage, but the conversation turns to
their relationship again. They are interrupted when a porter comes in and takes the luggage. They try to
stop him, but he gets away. They call Mildred in the lobby, who catches the license plate and traces it to
Dominick.
They go to Pepe's, to nd it closed and abandoned. It rekindles Laura's memories of Acapulco (and
Steele brings up her fan dance). Steele observes that they're being followed, and they suspect that Peggy
and the diamonds are being kept there. Steele proposes that Laura inltrate the bad guys. He explains the
movie Notorious, and when they return to the hotel, `Richard Blaine' is paged. Laura helps him get away
from Captain Rios.
That evening, Mildred brings a change of clothes for Steele (who jumped into a pool to get away from
Rios' men) at a nightclub. They join Laura and Merkle to put their plan into action. Merkle identies
Dominick and describes him as major Chicago underground gure. The show goes on, with Laura playing
a high-ying playgirl.
The next day, Steele and Mildred watch Dominick rubbing suntan lotion on Laura on Sebastian's boat.
Later, Laura and Steele discuss the situation, and Steele is none too pleased as Laura seems to be relishing
her rôle. Laura has been invited to a party at Sebastian's villa. At the party, Laura is drugged and taken to
a bedroom for safekeeping.
The next morning, Steele is concerned that Laura hasn't returned and goes to Sebastian's villa. He
nds only Laura's shoes. Steele steals some air parachuting equipment and, with Mildred driving the tow
boat, oats into Pepe's, subdues two guards, and nds Laura and Peggy, unconscious. He wakes up Laura
and they subdue yet another guard. They can't revive Peggy, so they drag her away.
When they get out, they see Sebastian's boat oshore and realize that's how the diamonds are getting
smuggled. Laura tells Mildred to call Captain Rios, and she and Steele `borrow' a boat and sneak aboard
Sebastian's boat. There, they knock out the captain, and Steele steers the boat in circles to make the
occupants below deck seasick and force them to come up. The plan works, but Merkle pops up and holds
Laura at gunpoint. He's not really Merkle, but rather the guy who runs the smuggling ring. He tells her to
call Steele out, but she tips o Steele that something is amiss and together they subdue Merkle.
Back in Los Angeles, Laura and Steele are still interviewing for secretaries, and Mildred comes in. She
comes with the necessary papers to get Steele squared away with the IRS. She says she was discharged for
dereliction of duty, and Laura agrees to hire her as their secretary-receptionist, to Steele's dismay.
50
Movies:
Notorious, Cary Grant, Ingrid Bergman, RKO 1946.
Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart
Key Largo, Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, Warner Brothers 1948.
Notes:
Mildred muses, \It's like a James Bond movie!" The use of music from the James Bond movies only
helped fan rumors that Brosnan was in the running for the rôle of 007. (Ironically, Brosnan was forced to
back out because MTM wouldn't let him out of his Remington Steele contract.)
The music in the nightclub is Michael Jackson's `Beat It', sans vocals, of course.
Continuity fun: When Steele breaks into Sebastian's villa, it is at night. But when he goes to the
bedroom, it's sunset. And when he returns to talk to Mildred, it's in broad daylight. (The scene takes place
in mid-morning.)
The close-ups of Steele with the parachute show the tow rope pulled taut, even though Mildred already
cut the tow rope. And when he lands in Pepe's, the tow rope has mysteriously vanished.
51
Red Holt Steele
3710
25
Lee David Zloto
Kevin Connor
09/27/83 9p Laura's house is blown sky high during her investigation into the corporate skullduggery
that's undermining a widow's battle to keep her husband's aircraft company aloft.
R. J. Stonewell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Barbara Cason
Greg Keever . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Thomas Randall Oglesby
Frannie Kuchelski . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Audrie J. Neenan
Stuart Thorpe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lewis Arquette
Eldon Veckmer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joel Polis
Paul? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Richard Bresto
Assistant? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James Horan
Real estate agent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dee Dee Rescher
Fred . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Blake Clark
? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James Edgcomb
Waiter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Raye Birk
While Laura goes jogging in the park, Steele is poised on a hilltop with a camera. The two eavesdrop on
a meeting between Stuart Thorpe and two unidentied businessmen. Money changes hands, then the men
notice Laura nearby and chase her. Steele rescues her.
At her house, Laura rests her feet and reads The Great American Movie Book. Mildred arrives with
the photos, but refuses to show them to anyone but The Boss. Steele arrives, and leaves with Laura to see
their client, R. J. Stonewell. She suspects sabotage in her airplane manufacturing company and has hired
Steele to obtain courtroom evidence that Keever (one of her employees) and Thorpe (her main competitor)
are behind it. She identies Keever as one of the men in the photos, but doesn't know the other man.
On their way home after an evening on the town, Laura and Steele get a phone call: R. J. has dropped
the case. They nd this very unusual. Fred drops them o at Laura's house, and she and Steele escape with
their lives when Laura's house blows.
The following morning, the house is reduced to little more than ashes, and Frannie from the gas company
stops by to ask Laura some questions to conrm that a gas leak was not responsible for the explosion. Laura
is too upset to answer any questions. She rushes o to see R. J. and demand to know why she dropped the
case. \A man called," she explains. \Men like that don't usually give their names."
When Laura returns to Steele's apartment, he leaves her there to calm down, then leaves to follow
Thorpe. He accosts Thorpe at a restaurant and makes it abundantly clear that he takes great exception to
someone trying to kill a member of his rm. Thorpe goes to Veckmer and complains about the bombing.
Veckmer agrees that murder is going a bit too far, and Thorpe leaves.
Steele returns to the apartment to nd it empty, and nds Keever's address scribbled on a note pad.
When he goes there, he nds paramedics carting away Thorpe's dead body after he apparently jumped from
the building. Steele confronts Keever, who admits that he gave Thorpe some preliminary plans in exchange
for $10,000, but he did this because R. J. wasn't paying him anything for months and he needed the money.
Laura and Steele rent an apartment across the street from Keever's so they can keep an eye on him.
Mildred comes up with background on Veckmer, and Laura explains that she and Steele are more or
less partners. On their way out, Laura is kidnapped by Frannie: She is working for Veckmer. But Laura
escapes. Laura and Steele watch Keever's place and follow him as he is taken away by Veckmer's men. They
follow him to Enterpro, and Steele places a phone call just as they arrive. Laura distracts the guard, and
they sneak in. They nd the computer room: Veckmer has step-by-step plans to destroy R. J. and all the
other of Thorpe's enemies. Veckmer is a corporate hit-man. Veckmer's men nd them, and just as they're
about to shoot him, they hear a police helicopter above and run out. When they get outside, Laura and
Steele thank R. J. for coming with her helicopter.
Movies:
The Great American Movie Book, Paul Michael (editor), Prentice-Hall, 1980.
It Happened One Night, Claudette Colbert, Clark Gable, Columbia 1934.
Notes:
The creative decision to blow up Laura's house was so that they could move her into the loft and to
have an excuse for completely overhauling her wardrobe.
52
53
26
Je Melvoin
10/11/83 9p
04/10/84 10p
Altared Steele
3702
Alexander Singer
A terried client doesn't know his own name, much less why someone is trying to kill him,
but a fake funeral arranged by Laura and Remington produces ve suspects|each claiming
to be the man's widow.
Frank Dannon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Fred McCarren
Mary Howell Dannon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Monique Van De Ven
Nancy Stinson Dannon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Delta Burke
Barbara Troy Dannon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jane Kaczmarek
Terry Lowell Dannon? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Carole Ita White
Stella Martino Dannon? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Clara Perryman
Store Proprietor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sam Anderson
A man wakes up from a nightmare in a motel room, and looks around confusedly. He goes over to the
phone and an arrow narrowly misses him.
At the oce, Laura reluctantly helps Mildred shue les around. Steele comes in and Laura tells him
that he must tell Mildred who really runs the agency. Frank Dannon comes in and asks them to nd . . .
himself. He has amnesia and can't remember anything. But he does produce the arrow that was shot at
him. They trace the arrow to `Weapon World', a military hardware store for survival-minded folks. While
they talk to the proprietor, an unseen gure loads up an automated machine gun and switches it on.
They hold a fake funeral service for Frank. Five women arrive, and when the minister asks the widow
to step forward, they all do. Back at the oce, Frank has ashback of his nightmare, but says he can't see
who is trying to kill him, but it's a woman. Steele concludes that Frank's dream is the key, if only Frank
could get past his memory block.
At a little get-together for the widows, Laura plays the distraught ancee and Steele the attorney
Sterling Gilette who is handling the will. We learn that Frank maintained ve separate households. To
Terry, he was a history professor. To Stella, a truck driver. To Barbara, an antique dealer. To Mary, an
aerospace enginner. And to Nancy, a neurosurgeon. Meanwhile, Mildred is keeping an eye on Frank in
Steele's apartment, but he gives her the slip and sneaks out.
Laura observes that Barbara has a gun in her purse, and Steele notes that Nancy is more concerned
with her inheritance than Frank's passing. The doorbell rings, and when Stella answers it, Frank says \Hi,
everybody." Everybody screams, and Stella starts strangling him.
Steele escorts the (very upset) ladies out as Mildred comes in. Laura scolds Frank for ruining everything.
As Steele takes Frank to his apartment for safekeeping, they are shot at. Steele nds a bell trinket in the
gutter. At Steele's apartment, Frank's memory starts to come back, and he and Steele talk about making
commitments. Frank goes into the bedroom, where Nancy is hiding behind the curtain.
Laura goes to see Barbara and asks to see the gun. Barbara says she owes Frank everything, especially
for loosening her up when she had her mind totally devoted to her business. When Laura opens the purse,
the gun is missing.
Nancy and Frank are getting friendly, and Steele comes in and accuses Nancy of being interested only
in the inheritance. Frank asks her, \Same old cash problem, eh, Nance?"
Laura returns to her loft, where Stella holds her at gunpoint. Laura talks her down, and Stella says
she's upset because she knows she's going to lose Frank, since she's the least attractive of the lot. They chat
about what it's like being in love with a man with so many secrets. Laura notes that the gun Stella lifted
from Barbara has not been red.
Steele decides the safest place for Frank now is in his oce, and he leaves Mildred to keep an eye on
him. Mildred tenders her resignation, embarrassed over her previous failure to keep tabs on Frank. Steele
talks to her and tells her that Laura is the real detective; he is just a gurehead. Mildred is won over and
stays. Outside by the fountain, Steele and Laura discuss recent events and share some time together.
The next day, they rule out Nancy, Stella, and Barbara as suspects, leaving Terry and Mary. Steele
suspects Terry, and Laura suspects Mary. Frank recognizes the bell trinket as something he gives all his
wives.
They go to see Mary and admire her bracelet. They leave Frank with Mary and go to see Terry. But
Terry also has a bracelet and points to their wedding date engraved inside. They check the date on the
54
trinket they found and dash out. At Mary's place, Frank sees the things around the house, and they all
remind him of the dream. He remembers more of the dream and realizes it's Mary who tried to kill him. He
gets up to leave, but Mary traps him with a crossbow. Laura and Steele arrive in the nick of time.
In the next day's paper, they nd that Mary had murdered seven of her previous husbands, all for their
money. Frank thanks the sleuths for their help and leaves. In the waiting room are his four remaining wives,
who take him away. Mildred tells Laura about the conversation she had with Steele the previous night, but
she thinks it was just a ploy to keep her spirits up.
Movies:
Spellbound, Gregory Peck, Ingrid Bergman, Selsnik International 1945.
Robin Hood
Sands of Iwo Jima, John Wayne, Republic 1949.
Mirage, Gregory Peck, Walter Matthau, Universal 1965.
Notes:
When Laura stops the arrow with a dictionary, if you watch carefully, you'll notice that she's just
inching from an arrow pre-stuck inside the book. (Duh. You think they'd have Stephanie do a dangerous
stunt herself?)
55
Steele Framed
3708
27
Brian Alan Lane
Sheldon Larry
10/18/83 9p Speeding to a rendezvous, Remington hits a man. An accident? The evidence tells Laura
05/29/84 10p that Remington was being blackmailed by the victim.
Henry Spellman/Major Descoine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Guy Boyd
Detective Jimmy Jarvis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gary Frank
Salesman (Sherman) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Archie Hahn
Carlos . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rod Corbin
Teller . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lynne Stewart
Bank Clerk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gamy L. Taylor
In the dark of night, a man walks to a pay phone by the side of the road and asks for the number of
Remington Steele Investigations.
Laura pops a cork of champagne to celebrate the anniversary of Steele's appearance and hints of an
exciting evening ahead of them. But she was referring to attending a computer class with Mildred. Steele
invents an excuse not to go. Steele answers the phone, from a Mr. Spellman who says he's in grave danger,
and he asks to meet him at the Covington Inn. Driving Laura's car to meet Spellman, Steele crashes into a
body on the highway. He tells a passing ice cream truck driver (whom we recognize as Spellman) to call the
police. Later, Laura arrives on the scene and Steele explains what happened. A policeman apologies that
they haven't been able to nd the ice cream truck driver, and he identies the dead man as Henry Spellman.
Laura takes Steele home and oers to spend the night with him for comfort, but Steele says he can
manage. He gets a call from Julia Spellman, Henry's widow. She says she doesn't blame him, and suggests
they meet at the morgue when she claims the body. The next day, Laura and Steele go to the morgue, where
the attendant asks where the accident took place. He notes, \It shouldn't be that cold up there." They spot
Mrs. Spellman, who yells, \You killed him! . . . You'll get yours, Steele, just like Henry, just like MacIntyre."
Mrs. Spellman returns home and reveals that she is really Spellman in disguise.
Detective James Jarvis stops by the oce, excited to meet the great Remington Steele. Accident reports
aren't his department, but when he saw the opportunity, he leaped. Steele claimed that Spellman was to
meet him at the Covington Inn, but the Covington burned down six weeks ago. Jarvis leaves, and Laura
asks him, \What department do you work for?" Jarvis replies, \Homicide."
Laura and Steele pay a visit to the Spellman Hat Company. Laura nds a le folder labelled, \Steele,
Remington." Steele nds Spellman's appointment book, which is lled with entries like \Meeting with
Remington Steele at Steele's apartment." An elderly gentleman comes in and gives Laura a ower. When
he learns of Spellman's death, the man mutters, \I warned him not to push Steele. There are other ways to
get money like that." But he refuses to talk further and leaves. Laura and Steele leave, and the old man
returns. He takes o his disguise (it's Spellman) and calls Detective Jarvis.
At the oce, Mildred is pleased that she nally straightened out Steele's checkbook snafu. Laura goes
through the le folder and nds a newspaper headline, \MacIntyre Slain." Mildred explains that Steele has
another checking account, on which he drew checks to the Spellman Hat Company. Laura asks Mildred
to continue looking into the numbers on Spellman's phone bill. Meanwhile, Steele calls his fencing partner
to establish an alibi, but Carlos says that after Steele left, a man named Spellman called to apologize for
missing their meeting. Once Carlos hangs up, Jarvis asks to talk to him.
Laura shows Steele the le she found. MacIntyre and an unknown accomplice pulled a $100,000 jewelry
heist, and as the police closed in, MacIntyre was found dead. The accomplice was never caught. This
was exactly ten days before Steele appeared. There are also copies of phone bills documenting calls from
Spellman to Steele, and the phone company says that Steele returned the calls. Laura says it looks like
Spellman somehow found out about the theft and was blackmailing Steele. Steele can't think of anyone in
his past that would go to all this trouble to frame him. Mildred comes in and tells them she found a safe
deposit box in Spellman's name.
They go to Palmer Bank, where Mildred pretends to be an IRS agent and gets access to the box. They
nd the blackmail money as well as an ancient coin with a military general on the obverse. Also in the box
is a photograph of Steele with MacIntyre holding the newspaper from the day MacIntyre was killed. On
their way out, they spot Jarvis, so Steele goes to a teller and hands over the note, \This is a stick-up. P.S.,
Please ring the silent alarm." He explains that Jarvis is forcing him to commit the robbery, and the bank
56
security men pull their guns on Jarvis. While Jarvis tries to explain that he's a detective and has a warrant
for Steele's arrest, Steele manages to sneak out. Laura and Mildred aren't so lucky, and Jarvis warns she'd
better cooperate, lest she face charges of aiding and abetting. A bum wanders past; it's Spellman.
In the oce, Laura asks why, if Steele allegedly killed Spellman at 8:30, and if bodies cool at roughly
ve degrees per hour, why did the coroner report a temperature of 50 degrees only four hours later? Laura
keeps Jarvis occupied on the phone with her mother, while Mildred scolds her for betraying the boss. Steele
has wandered into a computer store and asks for a demonstration of computer communications capability.
The message \Laura, Steele here. I must see you. Where can we meet?" appears on the agency's computer,
and Mildred invents an emergency so Laura can respond to the message. Jarvis catches them, and Laura
admits that they have set up a meeting. Laura \accidentally" spills coee on herself and Mildred and asks
for time to change.
Jarvis takes Laura to the observatory, where he has three other undercover detectives in place. Laura
gives Jarvis the slip, then Jarvis' men pick her up heading down a staircase. They catch her, but it's Mildred
in a wig, wearing the same outt that Laura is. Laura returns to Steele's apartment building, where she
joins him in the sewers. Steele shows her the telephone switch box, from which the fake calls were placed
and charged to Steele's bill. Laura says nobody goes to all this trouble without leaving a calling card, but
Steele merely decides to vanish in order to avoid having Laura go down with him. Laura then realizes that
the man on the coin isn't a general, he's a major. Major Descoine. She yells, \He's not after your Remington
Steele, he's after mine !" but Steele has since vanished.
Steele emerges from the sewers and is chased by Jarvis and his men. Steele hitches a ride on a passing
pickup. The driver is Spellman. The driver talks to Steele about the Lily Martin case. She was so upset
when she was caught stealing money from Palmer Bank that she committed suicide. Laura calls the oce,
where Mildred has the information she requested on Descoine. He was released on parole six months ago
after serving time for bank embezzlement. Meanwhile, there is no record of any Henry Spellman. And the
chief coroner says that a body was stolen from a local morgue early last week. (Laura concludes that it
was kept in the ice cream truck.) The driver draws a shotgun and removes his disguise, disappointed that
Steele hasn't yet gured out who he is. But in true villian style, he oers Steele a chance to clear his name.
Steele has a half hour to run to their `nal destination', and the driver lets Steele out. He also discards the
shotgun, which was not loaded, then drives o.
Steele runs through the desert brush, not quite sure where the road will lead. Laura nds him, having
feared the worst when she found the gun. She explains that Lily Martin committed suicide at the acid vats
when she was found out, which is where they're headed. They arrive at the vats, where Major Descoine is
waiting for them. He shows them a block of ice inside which is frozen the key to a garage where the ice
cream truck and other evidence is hidden. He tosses it into the acid vat and runs o. Steele gives chase,
while Laura tries to sh it out with the shotgun. Descoine gets away on a one-person mini-airplane, and
Steele returns to help Laura fetch the key. Laura wraps a wire around the gun, and Steele hooks it up to
the car battery. With the electromagnet, they manage to snatch the key just as the ice melts.
Detective Jarvis comes into the oce and returns the key to Steele to keep as a souvenir. Descoine got
away, and Jarvis extends his apologies. Laura makes Steele promise that he never leave her for her own
good, and a message appears on the computer screen: \Steele, my congratulations. Until next time. Major
Descoine."
Notes:
If you watch carefully, you'll see Jarvis hanging out at the morgue.
At the observatory, watch the scene right before the grati-covered wall. The real-life wall has no
grati, and you can just barely see a clean wall as Jarvis turns the corner.
When Jarvis turns the computer around to look at the message, all that's on the screen is Steele's
message. Laura's reply isn't on the screen. (Maybe Mildred forgot to set to half duplex?)
Stephanie Zimbalist played Gary Frank's love interest on an episode of Family.
57
A Steele at Any Price
3706
28
Mitch Paradise and Richard Daves (Mitch Paradise)
Don Weis
11/01/83 9p Remington tries to penetrate a ring of international art thieves, who may be responsible
06/05/84 10p for a reporter's disappearance.
Richard Wilker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Cornelison
Cliord Conant . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jerey Jones
Joanne Pitkin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Susan Bay
Felix Schneiderman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stefan Gierasch
Lady Monica Haddon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gillian Eaton
Koji Asuda . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ernest Harada
Lewis Grummond . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Barry Dennen
Molly Donovan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Deborah Allison
Ron . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Terry Bell
Henchman #2? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Larry Cedar
At an art auction, a woman bids excitedly on a work by local artist Joanne Pitkin, to the annoyance of
the other buyers. Later, a man waits nervously at the gallery, and leaves.
Rick Walker, trenchcoated investigative reporter for the Tribune, hires the agency to nd Molly Donovan.
Laura and Steele pay a visit to Conant Galleries, where Laura spots Pitkin leaving in her unusually expensive
car (belying her state as a struggling artist), and decides to follow. On his way in, Steele bumps into a
gentleman he recognizes vaguely. Steele talks to Cliord Conant, who suggests that perhaps Molly wandered
o on her own. After Steele leaves, Lady Monica Haddon and Koji Asuda talk to one of Conant's men about
their Pitkins, quietly threatening that if they don't get them, the consequences might be a tad unpleasant.
Laura follows Pitkin to her lavish home, pretending to be a reporter from Art Insight magazine. Meanwhile, Conant tortures Molly, demanding to know why she bid on the Pitkins, but she isn't telling. Pitkin
explains to Laura that Conant lets her paint whatever she wants, so long as it's on his canvases, which come
in very particular dimensions. Laura relates the dimensions to Steele, who recognizes them as the sizes and
shapes of paintings that have been stolen. The paintings are being smuggled inside the Pitkins. Rick Walker
arrives, and Mildred blows his cover; he's really the household hints editor. Rick explains to Laura and
Steele that Molly told him she was onto something hot, so he put up the money to buy the Pitkin. Molly
was writing an article on missing Old Masters.
Steele decides to break into the gallery, and Laura tags along to keep him honest. They nd Molly's
bidding card, but no Molly. Their snooping is interrupted by two of Conant's men, whom they dispatch
messily. Laura gures that if Conant had two men on duty, he must be hiding something big, and she
discovers the Pitkins in Conant's bathroom. At Steele's apartment, they look at the three Old Masters, and
Steele gures they'll need a top-notch forger for the job. (He has no plans to return the originals in exchange
for Molly; after all, there's probably a hefty nder's fee involved.)
The next day, Lewis Grummond comes in, at Laura's request. She had sent him away for art forgery,
and he's now living an honest life. But Laura wants him to return to his old ways, just this once. She shows
him the paintings, and Lewis is awestruck. \These are three of the nest forgeries I've ever seen."
At a lawn party Conant is throwing for Pitkin, Steele shows Conant Polaroids of the Old Masters,
but Conant remains calm. So Steele shows the photos to Schneiderman, Lady Monica, and Asuda, who are
shocked that Conant no longer has their Pitkins. Laura rushes in, but is unable to stop Steele from arranging
to sell the Pitkins to the three buyers for the amount they were to pay Conant. Conant toasts them from
afar.
At the oce, Laura and Steele gure Conant was going to sell the fakes to the buyers and keep the
originals for himself. While Mildred gives Richie a little pep talk, Laura realizes that the paintings are hidden
in Pitkin's studio, and when they arrive, they steal the paintings just as Conant's men arrive. Laura has gone
completely gaga with excitement, and when they return to Steele's apartment, they hide the recently-stolen
paintings in Steele's bedroom, and bring out the fakes. Conant's men pick up the paintings, thinking they
are the originals.
That evening, the three customers inspect the goods and are pleased. They agree to pick up the paintings
after the auction the next day, so that everything can be `legal'. Conant brings Molly back to the gallery, to
make a phone call. \The most important phone call of your life."
58
At the auction, Richie approaches Laura and Steele and explains that everything is all settled. He
traded the genuine paintings for Molly's release. Upset by this screwup, Steele searches for the paintings
and Laura rescues Molly. Both Laura and Steele nd a set of paintings, and fend o Conant and his men.
Steele doesn't know which paintings are which, and Conant insists he must have a set to give his buyers. In
exasperation, Laura suggest, \Then pick a set!" They each do.
Back at the oce, Lewis pronounces the paintings forgeries, and Steele is quietly upset that he's lost
yet another nder's fee.
Movies:
Charade, Cary Grant, Audrey Hepburn, Universal 1964.
The Sting
Notes:
Lots of fun double- and triple-crossing.
At the art gallery, Laura is wearing the same outt as in \Steele Framed". (A rare duplication. Makes
you wonder exactly how big Laura's closets are.)
59
29
Lee Zloto
11/08/83 9p
06/19/84 10p
Love Among the Steele
3716
Seymour Robbie
Tracking the driverless vintage car that almost ran them down leads Laura and Remington
to several romances (a la \The Yellow Rolls-Royce"), one previously undetected murder,
and a lost treasure.
Doctor Ellis Harvey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Clive Revill
Clarissa McCullum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Susan French
Sam Fischer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Peter Hobbs
Joseph Berkholtzer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Al Ruscio
John McCullum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ed Penney
Wesley Poone? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Robert Thaler
Young Clarissa McCullum? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kate Zentall
Veronica . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Patricia Alice Albrecht
Jennifer? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rebecca Street
The McCullum Estate 1936. At a posh party, the host gives his attractive wife an expensive necklace.
She receives a note and rushes out to meet her boyfriend. They kiss in his car, then she leaves to return to
the party. When she returns, she realizes that the necklace is missing. We see the young man burying the
necklace as the husband phones the police. The police catch the young man, and the wife runs away.
Segue into Laura running through McCullum Park, where Steele catches her. The two of them are chased
by a car, which they nd to be driverless. Back at the oce, Mildred's been receiving steamy romantic text
over the computer modem from `The Dark Prince'.
Outside, Steele studies the car and deduces quite a bit. Laura gives Steele the information Mildred found
(though Steele accidentally reads some of `The Dark Prince') and they take the Auburn to see Dr. Ellis
Harvey, the registered owner. When nobody answers the door, Steele swings around back to break in.
Dr. Harvey arrives, a mystery man steals the car, and Steele breaches the alarm system. Dr. Harvey explains
he just returned from a vacation with his wife to help patch things up between them after she learned he
had an aair in the Auburn.
Mildred picks up Laura and Steele, and they spot the Auburn and follow it to a classic auto lot. The
salesman is confused, since he sold the car to Dr. Harvey a year ago. Vanessa comes in with the les on the
car, and she reminds Wesley that they `celebrated' his winning an award in that very car. She also produces
a letter they received a few months ago, which reads: \The key to something of great value is hidden in your
Auburn and you know what I mean. Soon." Throughout, the mystery man watches from across the street.
That night, parked at Losamonte's Lookout, we hear grunts and groans, but it's just Laura and Steele
digging through the car's contents. A car pulls behind them as Laura and Steele get cozy, and the mystery
man takes a shot at them.
Laura asks Mildred to run a background check on the Auburn, and Mildred puts two and two together
(the picnic, the lookout) and gets ideas. Laura briefs Mildred (sort of) on her relationship with Steele.
Steele takes the car to Joseph Berkholtzer's place where he is greeted by his ancee on their wedding
day. She tells Steele that she and Joseph made love for the rst time in that car. She tells about the shooting
death of her previous husband Calvin, then calls Joseph. We recognize him as the mystery man who shot
at Laura and Steele. Joe oers to buy the car, but Steele is only interested in an explanation of the letter.
Joe says it means nothing to him, but after Steele leaves, Joe's demeanor changes.
Laura stops by Clarissa McCullum's place, posing as a reporter for an automobile magazine. Clarissa's
companion Sam answers the door, and Clarissa tells the story of Langston Druze (the young man) and the
expensive necklace. They made love in the car in the park by the chestnut tree with the benches. Upon
John's death, he left the estate to the city.
That evening, we hear grunts and groans, but it's just Laura and Steele taking the car apart and looking
for clues. Laura nds audio tape, and Steele nds a bullet lodged in the seat cushion. Steele traces the path
of the bullet through the car and Joseph Birkholtzer comes in with a gun. Calvin got wind of Joseph and
Jeanette, and in the struggle with Joseph, the gun went o. Joseph disposed of the body and kept the cause
of death a secret from Jeanette. He denies running down Laura in the park. He is about to shoot Laura
and Steele, when we hear a shot ring out|Joseph has been shot. A new mystery man speeds away. Laura
is still puzzled about who sent the letters.
60
The next day, Laura has the tape set up. She plays the tape, and it's more grunts and groans. Mildred
hears the tape and thinks it's Laura and Steele, so she doesn't knock on the door. Steele and Laura talk
about their relationship and what's holding them back.
Laura and Steele pay Dr. Harvey another visit. In reality, he's never been married. He realizes they
found the tape, and accuses them of blackmail. He had an aair with a patient, Monica. But Laura and
Steele return the tape.
Laura and Steele go to the McCullum Estate (now a public park), surrounded by amorous couples.
The le says Langston died six months ago and they mailed his papers to Clarissa. Steele realizes that the
scratches on the gages are clues, and Laura deduces that they are a map to the necklace. They drive to the
chestnut tree and discover the necklace.
Sam appears, with a gun. It was he who sent the letters. He knew from Langston's papers that the
necklace was somewhere, but he didn't know where. So he gured one of the former owners had found it.
When his attempt to hire a private detective turned up nothing, he chased Laura and Steele in the park
to get them interested in the case. He wanted the necklace to be able to buy Clarissa what he wanted to.
It was he who shot Birkholtzer. Clarissa shows up and tells him she doesn't want the necklace. Sam gives
Steele the gun and leaves with Clarissa.
At the oce, we learn that Clarissa turned the necklace over to the city. Alma Prince comes in with
her son Robert, the so-called `Dark Prince'. Mildred comes in to say she bought the Auburn for the agency
as a tax write-o, and Steele introduces the Dark Prince.
Movies:
Splendor in the Grass, Warren Beatty, Natalie Wood, Warner Brothers 1961.
Tom Jones, Albert Finney
The Yellow Rolls-Royce
Notes:
The rst thing we see is not the title, but rather the caption `McCullum Estate 1936'.
In my opinion, a simply marvellous episode.
61
Scene Steelers
3703
30
Joyce Armour and Judie Neer (and Michael Gleason)
Peter Medak
11/15/83 9p An actor's pet parrot is poisoned pecking at the beef bourguignon during the lming of a
08/07/84 10p commercial. The question is, who was the intended victim?
Derek Vivyan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Barrie Ingham
Doris Waggenbacker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bibi Besch
Heather Saint-Germaine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gwen Humble
Stan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Paul Kreppel
Mady Moore . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Faith Price
Mother Trust . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Frances Bay
Late at night, someone breaks into the prop truck and poisons a frozen dinner. The next morning,
Laura is on the phone with Mildred, trying to locate Steele, who was supposed to bring to the set Derek
Vivyan, known for his drunkenness. Laura reassures Doris Waggenbacker, the producer of commercials for
Chef Gaston's Instant Gourmet Dinners, that their male lead will be arriving shortly.
Steele is fencing with Derek, recreating a scene from Young Raleigh, a movie Derek made in the 1950's.
Steele nally prevails on Derek to head for the set, but not before Derek orders a drink from the bar after
he recaps his acting career and realizes he's been reduced to hawking frozen dinners.
Steele nally brings a very drunk Derek to the set. The poisoned frozen dinner is prepared and brought
out. Derek lms his commercial with Heather Saint-Germaine, an airheaded blonde. Derek suggests that,
instead of her feeding him like she always does, that he feed her in this commercial. While they're arguing,
Derek's pet parrot pecks at the beef bourguignon and keels over.
After Steele places the dinner and the dead parrot in Laura's trunk, Laura informs him that the actors
have locked themselves in their respective rooms. While they're chatting, her car is stolen.
Laura and Steele talk to Derek and Heather, respectively. Derek and Heather each accuse the other of
poisoning the food. Derek gures Heather is jealous of his talent. Heather because she had spurned Derek's
advances. Derek explains he wanted to change the script to get back at Heather for intentionally mis-feeding
him on their other commercials. Laura observes that Derek receives a gift package of wines every morning.
Both actors refuse to continue, but agree to go on when they realize that this leaves the other to do the
commercials alone. Once Steele is gone, Heather picks up the phone. \We're going to have to move the
timetable up."
At the oce, Mildred reports that the gift wines were all charged to Doris Waggenbacker's account.
Steele gures that the culprit is really trying to sabotage the commercials, not the actors. Doris tried to get
Derek so drunk he'd miss the lming, and when that failed, she poisoned the dinner. Laura can't gure out
why Doris would sabotage her highly successful commercials.
The next day, Derek and Heather lm another commercial (this one atop a snowy mountaintop) and
hurl insults at each other through their teeth. Laura talks to Doris, who denies sending the wine; it must be
somebody in the oce. Steele recognizes the prop lady as Mady Moore, formed child actress. She explains
that she left acting and moved to Chicago, where she met Stan, her husband. There, Stan met Heather, who
got him the job as director of the Chef Gaston commercials. On the set, Heather storms o in a ti, and we
hear screams from her dressing room. Her costumes have all been slashed.
Laura drives Derek to his hotel room, where they are nearly run over by Laura's runaway car. This
clears Derek as the culprit; unfortunately, it tags him as the intended victim. In his room, Derek makes
a pass a Laura, grabbing and kissing her. Laura tosses him on the oor. Derek admits that all his talk
about doing Lear was merely to keep up appearances. In fact, his brain is so alcohol-sopped that he can't
remember his lines for anything longer than 30 seconds.
Steele pays a visit to Doris Waggenbacker, and spots her chatting with Mother Trust, owner of her own
line of frozen dinners. Steele introduces himself as Doris' attorney. Mother Trust complains that Doris'
commercials have hurt her sales, and she oers to set up Doris in her own advertising agency when the Chef
Gaston commercials bite the dust.
Laura pays a late-night visit to the studio, where she spots Heather lming a shampoo commercial with
Stan, who then frolic on the bed. Laura tells them that the tears in Heather's costume were all right on the
seams, hence easily repaired. She thanks them for providing a motive for wanting the commercials to end,
so Heather could get out of her Chef Gaston contract and go one to bigger things. And Stan has plans to
62
lm his own movie, \A project worth killing for." Outside, Laura nds Mady wandering past. Mady says
she knows about Stan's aair with Heather. She understands that it comes with the business, guring that
if he leaves the commercials, he'll leave Heather, too.
That evening at the oce, Laura and Steele exchange information, and when the conversation turns
to Derek, Laura starts wolng down food. When pressed, Laura explains that Derek made a pass at her,
though her reassurances only seem to make matter worse. Steele storms o. Derek is watching one of his old
movies and gets a phone call from Heather. She says she knows who it is that is trying to kill him and asks
him to help her prove it by coming to the studio. We see that the person on the other end of the line is not
Heather, but Mady, brandishing a knife. After she hangs up, she frantically slashes into Heather's wardrobe.
Derek calls Laura to inform her of the latest development, and Laura tells him to stay put; she'll go.
Steele arrives and talks to Derek, who tells him he must lavish Laura \with owers, champagne, a sensible
diamond." He then then remembers Laura's message, and the two head to the studio. Laura arrives at the
studio, where she nds Mady talking like Heather, wearing a blonde wig and Heather's costume. She's also
wielding a knife. Mady thinks she's Heather. Laura plays along and backs away. She sees her chance and
makes a run for it, up the mountain set, pursued by Mady. Steele and Derek arrive in time to rescue Laura.
At the oce, Laura explains that when Mady, who had previously been put away for mental problems,
saw that Stan preferred Heather to her, so she became Heather. But she couldn't kill Heather, since that
would be like suicide, so she went after Derek, whom Heather hated. Steele surprises Laura with a candlelit
dinner and a diamond pendant.
Notes:
Fun juxtapositions as Laura and Steele interview Derek and Heather, respectively. Cute jab at the
television industry, and to rumored on-set animosity between Zimbalist and Brosnan.
63
31
Je Melvoin
11/29/83 10p
04/03/84 10p
Steele Knuckles and Glass Jaws
3717
Don Weis
A boxing manager's discovery of a dead bookie and an abandoned baby in a locker room
prompt him to call one of his former ghters: the Kilkenny kid|Pride of the Pampas,
another of Steele's former identities.
Barney Kiernan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bert Remsen
Joseph Barber . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Paul Stewart
Herschel \The Hammer" Sinclair . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ken Foree
Gina Barber . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Julie Carmen
Moody? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . George McDaniel
Anthony Torrance? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Len Lesser
Sportscaster? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Davey
Announcer? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gil Stratton
Tarot card reader . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Shanit Keeter
Referee? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gino DiFirelli
Billy Flynn? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mike Finneran
Coach? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ed Rombola
At night, a wounded man carrying some sort of package is being chased through the streets. He ducks
into a gym where boxers are training, runs into the locker room, drops the package into a locker, and dies
from his gunshot wound. Herschel comes up with his coach Barney, excited about his upcoming bout, but
they nd Max Thursby dead, and something in the locker . . .
At the oce, while Steele waits for Laura to nish prettying herself up for a hot date, he gets a call from
Barney and goes to see him. Barney and Herschel show Steele the package: A baby. Laura arrives and Steele
reluctantly agrees not to turn the baby over to the police. Meanwhile, Joseph Barber's consultation with a
tarot card reader is interrupted by his henchman Moody: They couldn't follow Max. Barber demands, \I
want that baby!" Steele sees a car pull up, and the quintet escape before the bad guys arrive. A mysterious
gure waits outside the gym.
At Laura's loft, she and Steele try to take care of the baby. Herschel and Barney wake up and start
training, and Mildred arrives to help take care of the baby. Hammer trains to the Carmen Overture, and
Laura asks Barney about Max (a friend of Hammer's) but gets nowhere. Barney says Herschel's due to ght
Billy Flynn (the #2 heavyweight) in two days.
Laura and Steele snoop around Max's apartment and are interrupted by Barber's henchmen. Laura
tries to rescue Steele, but they're outmatched. Moody scares them a bit and lets them go.
Barber gest a phone call from Torrance, whom he owes a lot of money. Barber tries to reassure him
that he'll get his money. Moody comes in with Laura's wallet (which he got when he barged in on her and
Steele), and so now Barber knows who they are.
Back at the oce, Laura helps Steele clean up after his scue, and Barber's men come to take Steele
away while Laura is in the bathroom soaking a towel. She gets a phone call from Mildred asking her to pick
up some formula on her way home. Only then does Laura realize that she's missing her wallet and that the
bad guys are onto them.
Laura rushes home, followed by the mysterious gure (who pulls out a gun). The mysterious gure pulls
the gun and demander `her' baby. Laura talks her down and gives her baby.
Steele is taken to Barber (who is interrupted by a phone call from Flynn). His only son was knocked o
a few months ago, and the only heir to the business is his baby grandson. He threatens Steele bodily harm
if he doesn't return his grandson.
Gina Barber explains that her husband wanted out of the gangster business, but she was being held by
Barber. Max helped her and baby Joey escape. Barney spots the bad guys coming, and Gina runs out with
the baby. The bad guys get her, and realize that she was only carrying some pillows wrapped in blankets;
Laura still has the baby.
At Steele's apartment, he and Laura argue while Mildred tries to put the baby to sleep. Barber calls and
oers to trade Gina for Joey. Laura learned from Gina that Barber is in debt to Torrence. Steele remember
the phone call from Flynn and puts two and two together.
At the gym, Laura and Steele confront Barney. Herschel's wins were all tanked; Barney is in on the
set-up. Herschel is supposed to dive in the sixth round. Herschel hears this and is not pleased. While Laura
and Mildred take over as Herschel's coach, Steele combs the streets for information. Steele calls Torrence:
64
\You're never gonna see your money. The x is o. Mr. Barber is no longer in control of the situation. If I
were you, I'd get yourself down to the ringside tonight unless, of course, you're willing to see him get out of
the country."
Steele returns to his apartment and takes the baby from Mildred. He gets a call from Barber and agrees
to make the trade. He demands that the switch be made during the second round of the ght. Steele sings
the baby to sleep, and Laura comes in and admires. Meanwhile, Barber's plan is to kill Steele once the
switch is made.
It's ght time, and Steele is escorted to the arena by Barber's men. All the players are present, except
Steele. In the rst round, Herschel is getting walloped. Barney arrives in time for the second round to help
out. It's trade time. Steele takes the baby to Barber, but Gina won't leave the baby. Knowing when he's
beaten, Steele leaves.
The ght reaches the sixth round and Torrence appears in time to watch. Herschel is knocked down,
and Laura gets an idea and runs out. He gets up and is knocked down again. Laura returns with the tape
recorder and as Carmen blares, Herschel gets his second wind and survives the round.
Barber gets up to leave and Torrence's men grab him. \I think you and me should have a little talk."
Steele and Laura escort Gina away. Barney coaches Herschel and tells him how to beat Billy. Meanwhile,
Steele and Moody are having a ght of their own downstairs. Both Steele and Herschel knock out their
respective opponents.
That night, Laura and Steele enjoy a drink on his balcony.
Notes:
The incidental music is mostly Bizet's Carmen, suitable modied to t the dramatic action.
65
My Fair Steele
3714
32
Brian Alan Lane
Seymour Robbie
12/06/83 9p Laura and Steele take part in a dying man's scheme to enable his kidnapped adopted
04/24/84 10p daughter to inherit his estate, a plan that involves her secret twin sister.
Ùncle' Norman Baines . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stephen Elliot
Tracy Crockett/Roxie Tyler . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ann Dusenberry
Claudette Crockett . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joanna Barnes
Ross Crockett, Sr. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Thomas Hill
Samantha Donahue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Judith Chapman
Markham . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ian Wolfe
Lawyer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Earl Boen
Ross Crockett, Jr.? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Steven Goodwin
Eric? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Barry Sattels
Laura and Steele arrive at the Crockett residence for an appointment with Ross Crockett. They encounter the elderly and chauvinist butler Markham, who refuses to let Laura talk to Mr. Crockett. Crockett
tells Steele his aky daughter Tracy has a long-lost twin sister. He gives Steele some information and hires
the agency to nd her, but not to tell Tracy. Tracy comes in and is insensitive to her father's plight. She
explains to Steele that her father has been `dying' for the past fteen years. He fakes death to rein her in.
Back at the oce, Mildred locates the twin, and when Steele calls Crockett, he nds that the man has
died. They go to visit the estate. At the Crockett residence, the lawyer reads the will and pronounces that
the entire estate goes to Tracy. Unhappy folks left empty-handed include Ùncle' Norman (a partner in
Crockett Industries), Ross Junior, the widow Claudette, and the butler.
Steele and Laura come in and talk to Tracy, who is upset that her free-wheeling lifestyle has come to
an end, and she now has the entire burden of saving the company herself. If she doesn't become Chairman
of the Board at the stockholder's meeting, the estate will go to charity, and Uncle Norman will become
Chairman. Steele and Laura tell Tracy about her twin sister, and she insists that they nd her.
Laura and Steele nd Roxie (a waitress at a diner) and bring her back to the Crockett residence, but
nd Tracy missing. They nd a message saying that Tracy left for Rome, but suspect kidnaping when they
realize she didn't take her passport. Steele gures that she was kidnaped by someone who didn't want her
in control of the company and comes up with the plan to pass o Roxie as Tracy to see who inches. They
spend most of the rest of the day trying to teach Roxie how to be ladylike.
Laura and Steele bring `Tracy' to the mansion. Eric the chaueur expresses his concern. The butler
seems surprised to see her, but when Steele shows `Tracy' to the suspects, none of them bat an eye. Meanwhile, Laura breaks into the elder Crockett's room, cracks open the safe, and sneaks out with its contents
before Norman can barge in on her. Ross's mistress Samantha comes in and makes a big show, but is scolded
by Claudette, and she slinks out. An unknown assailtant conks `Tracy' on the head; she falls into the pool.
Steele hears a scream and rushes over to rescue `Tracy'.
Back at Tracy's house, they discuss the case. Mildred recognizes the papers Laura lifted as a stock
ledger, and some stock is missing. They also nd that Junior was a big loser on sports betting, and a nice
cushy job with Uncle Norman couldn't hurt. And Claudette and Norman appear to be an item. They leave
Mildred to watch Roxie and ask her to study the stock ledgers.
At the Crockett residence, they encounter Markham, very upset that Ross didn't leave him a single penny
after 40 years of dedicated service. They accuse Claudette of working to keep Norman as the Chairman.
She explains that quite the opposite is true. Under Norman's care, the company's stock value has dropped
precipitously, not at all helped by Norman's intention to abandon $40 million worth of construction.
Mildred is onto something, but is interrupted by Eric's arrival. He tries to resume his passionate
relationship with `Tracy', and Roxie holds him o long enough for Mildred to rescue her and tell Eric to beat
it. Laura and Steele return, and Mildred explains that Norman was intentionally causing the company to
lose money, so that the stock would drop and he could buy more shares more cheaply. Norman appears, gun
in hand. He says he saw through Roxie's ineective impersonation of Tracy. He denies kidnapping Tracy;
he doesn't need to. He takes the stock records (which is what he came for). After Norman leaves, they get
a phone call from the airport: Tracy's car has been parked there 48 hours in a one-hour zone.
At the airport, Steele breaks into Tracy's car and nds a list of charities due to receive the estate if
Tracy fails, one of which is run by Samantha. Meanwhile, Laura nds fresh mud and cement under the car
66
fender. They go to see Samantha, and she says she doesn't need any money; Ross signed over plenty of stocks
to her before he died. (This accounts for the missing stock.) She says he gave it to her at the construction
site that Norman is building. Laura realizes that the mud and cement are from the construction site and
the two rush to nd Tracy. They ask Mildred to stall the shareholders' meeting. As they nd Tracy, the
shareholders' meeting begins. Junior and Claudette make fun of Roxie while she tries to eld questions.
As the ambulance carts Tracy away, Steele muses that it's too bad her boyfriend Eric couldn't be here.
Tracy says Eric is her chaueur. Laura and Steele realize it was Eric who kidnaped Tracy. But who is he
working for? Back at the meeting, Roxie is doing well. Laura and Steele catch Eric, and Laura checks his
wallet: His name is Eric Alan Markham. The butler did it. Markham stands up and starts ring haphazardly.
\A woman does not belong at the head of a major corporation!" Laura manages to disarm him.
After leaving Tracy and Roxie to get acquainted, Laura and Steele discuss the luck of the draw.
Movies:
Pygmalion, Leslie Howard, Wendy Hiller, MGM 1938.
My Fair Lady
67
Steele Threads
3711
33
George Lee Marshall
Karen Arthur
12/13/83 9p Laura and Steele slip into the seamier side of the high-fashion world on a case involving
stolen trade secrets and a vicious sibling rivalry.
Bulletz Bloustein . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joshua Shelley
Lila Colbert . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lara Parker
Julian Baron . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dean Santoro
Francois Periot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John van Dreelen
Carl . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Carl Weintraub
Mark Warren Prime? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Bond
Mitzi . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Estelle Omens
Milton? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joe Bratcher
In the fashion district, Mark Prime asks Bulletz Bloustein (a low-end fashion designer) to make a size
42 long coat out of a special material. Mark returns home to nd a mystery man who demands the claim
check for the coat. A struggle ensues, and Mark is knocked out.
Back in the fashion district, Steele plays Sam Saint-Cloud, a Birmingham buyer, and Laura a model
for Julian Baron's fashion line. Baron hired them to nd out who's stealing his designs. They spot Bulletz
taking pictures and chase him, though Laura falls back when she realizes she's not dressed. Steele loses
Bulletz in the trac. Bulletz runs into his business and tells his assistant Mitzi to sew the lm into the
lining of the blazer. The mystery man arrives and demands Mark's blazer. Since Mitzi is still sewing, Bulletz
gives him a dierent jacket. Steele follows soon thereafter, demanding the lm. Bulletz gives him a dierent
roll. When Steele mentions Baron's name, Bulletz is furious. Baron is Bulletz' estranged brother.
Back at the oce, Baron and his main buyer Francois Periot are upset, since the lm Steele got was
unexposed. Baron explains that Bulletz steals his designs and sweatshops them.
Laura and Steele visit Bulletz, to nd him rubbing his head. The mystery man bashed him on the head
and grabbed the blazer with the lm. The trio go to Mark's place to snoop. Laura nds a photo of Lila, a
fellow model. Steele nds out Mark worked for Overdyne, a high-technology rm. And Bulletz nds Mark
in the fridge, dead.
Laura pumps Lila for information but doesn't get far. Lila gets a phone call and leaves. Laura follows
with Bulletz in the limo. Meanwhile, Steele confronts Baron and accuses him of murder. The memo paper
they found is from his oce. Steele notices that the jackets in Baron's oce are 42 long. Baron tells Steele
his side of the sibling rivalry.
Laura follows Lila to a health/vitamin store. Lila picks up the jacket from the mystery man and nds
the lm, which she pockets. She gures Mark was taking pictures at Overdyne. After Lila leaves, Laura
goes in and talks to the mystery man, Carl, pretending to be a friend of Lila's. She manages to get him out
of the room, nds the blazer, and sneaks out. But not before Carl catches the limo licence plate.
Lila returns. Her boss didn't want the lm, he wanted the blazer. They realize that Laura has it.
Meanwhile, Laura and Steele share some time together. Steele tries to convince Bulletz to reconcile with his
younger brother, but no dice. Back at the fashion studio, Baron confronts Periot. It was Periot's handwriting
on the memo. Periot reminds Baron that he bailed him out so many times before.
Lila and Carl confer; simultaneously, Laura, Steele and Bulletz confer. Laura leaves with Carla and
Steele and Bulletz with Lila. Steele takes Lila to a restaurant, where he drops his disguise and tells Lila
she's in deeper than she thinks. He accuses her of murdering Mark, and she is shocked. Meanwhile, Laura
invents an excuse for Carl to leave the room so she can go through his coat. He likewise invents an excuse
for Laura to leave the room and goes through her purse. He nds her drivers licence. Steele and Bulletz
take Lila back to Mark's place, to nd that the body has been removed.
That evening, Laura is getting ready for bed and tries on the blazer. Carl comes in the front door, pulls
a gun, and demands the blazer. Laura refuses and tries to run away, but Carl res and hits her squarely in
the back. Steele arrives and Carl runs out.
Steele crouches over Laura's body and cries, then is elated and confused when Laura wakes up. They
take the blazer to the lab, where Milton conrms that not only is the thread made of steel, it's bulletproof,
radar-invisible, superconductive, and everything else a spy would ever want. Steele realizes that the plan
was to wear the jacket out of the country. He shows Bulletz the memo that instructed Carl to go to his shop
and points out that Baron is a 42 long. Bulletz is vengeful.
68
At the fashion studio, Carl demands his share of the money from Lila. Lila realizes that Carl killed
Mark. As Carl leaves, Laura confronts him and Steele disarms him after a struggle. Periot and Laura meet
in the hall, and Periot points a gun (in his pocket) at Laura and takes her away. Meanwhile, Steele and
Bulletz have gone to Baron to confront him, but Bulletz knocks out Steele and tells his brother this is his
only chance to get away. But Baron is a 40 regular. It is Periot who is a 42 long.
Laura realizes that Periot set up Mark with Lila and planned the entire scam. Bulletz rescues Laura,
and she and Steele give chase as Periot get away with the jacket. He wraps his hand in the jacket and
punches a glass security door to break through. Unfortunately, the door was electried, and Periot dies a
ery death.
Back at the oce, Laura and Steele admire the slides, though the one of a leggy brunette is mysteriously
missing. Bulletz and Baron come in with gifts for Laura and Steele. They've reconciled and are working
together again. Steele's gift is a photo of the brothers. Laura's gift is a pleated muer.
Notes:
Mildred does not appear.
John van Dreelen starred with Pierce Brosnan in the NBC miniseries Noble House.
69
Steele Eligible
3719
34
Larry Konner (and Michael Gleason)
Sheldon Larry
01/10/84 10p Someone is killing o \the ve most eligible bachelors in Los Angeles"|and one of those
05/01/84 10p remaining is Remington.
Moriah Taylor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mimi Kuzyk
Victor Jano . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Roy Dotrice
Millicent Fairbush . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . D. D. Howard
Arnold Baskin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Franc Luz
Chip Carstairs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Richard Backus
Butch Moran . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Lemon
Doctor Harold Ridley? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Sandoval
Hospital Doctor? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Donald Craig
We see Victor Jano murder Doctor Ridley after congratulating him on being named one of the ve
most eligible bachelors in Los Angeles.
Steele and Laura arrive for the formal announcement of Upbeat Magazine's most eligible bachelors, since
Steele is one of those named. Steele maintains that he's doing it purely for publicity, but Laura isn't so sure.
The other winners are Chip Carstairs (a stockbroker), Arnold Baskin (an attorney), Butch Moran (a hockey
player for the Los Angeles Owls), Steele, and the late Doctor Ridley. Meanwhile, Jano electries the hot
tub.
Outside, Laura talks to Jano, the publisher. He agrees that the publicity stunt is rather degrading.
Laura is about to dip her toe into the hot tub, but he stops her. Meanwhile, Steele suers through a photo
session with Millicent Fairbush, his designated companion and airhead extraordinaire. When it comes to
the hot tub photo session, Steele is anxious to get the day over with, but Butch Moran leaps in, only to be
electrocuted.
Back at the oce, they talk to Moriah, the editor of Upbeat. She can't think of any link between
the bachelors. Laura suggests that Steele play `Johnny-on-the-spot' while she talks to the other bachelors.
Mildred doesn't think much of Moriah and oers to hang around Steele to keep him honest.
Laura visits Chip, who immediately makes a play for her. He tells Laura that Jano owns the Owls and
is in nancial trouble. Butch Moran was his only star player. Chip takes a bite of the food prepared for him
by Upbeat, chokes, and dies.
At Steele's apartment, the dinner photo session is over, and Mildred tries to shoo Millicent out. Steele
talks to Mildred privately. Mildred explains that she's only protecting Laura, and Steele oers to explain
their relationship, but decides not to. Steele oers to take Millicent home. After dropping her o, Steele
returns to his car, only to be run over by Jano.
Laura rushes to the hospital and oers to keep Steele company. But Millicent arrives and Laura is
privately fuming when Millicent says that Steele asked her to spend the evening at his place. Laura and
Millicent take Steele home. Steele wants to clear the air with Laura, but she isn't listening.
Arnold is asleep, and Jano is about to suocate him when Laura rings the doorbell. Arnold turns on
the charm exactly the same way Chip did, and more. Arnold's law rm handled Butch Moran's contract.
Jano couldn't aord him, and Butch announced his intention to become a free agent. Jano had a $5 million
life insurance policy on Butch. Laura fends o Arnold's advances and leaves.
Laura returns to Steele's apartment where they try to put the pieces together. Steele tries a ploy from
`Rear Window': He's going to goad Jano into trying to kill him again, to prove his guilt. Steele tells Jano
he has witnesses to the murders and murder attempts, and Jano tells him to get lost. Laura oers to break
into Jano's apartment and snoop. But when she arrives, she nds him, dead, an apparent suicide.
Steele wants to celebrate the conclusion of the case, but Laura isn't sure it's over. Who is Jano's
beneciary? She catches Moriah going through Jano's papers. Moriah and Victor were secret lovers, and
she wanted to check that she would be taken care of in the will. But she is shocked to nd a marriage licence
among the papers. Jano was secretly married to. . . Millicent Fairbush. Laura goes to the arena. There,
she is caught by Arnold, who is there to destroy a prenuptial agreement Millicent signed. Arnold set up the
entire scheme. He tells Laura to call Steele and tell him to come over.
Steele answers phone, and Laura manages to get away. Millicent arrives just in time to take Steele to
the arena. While Laura runs from Arnold, Steele arrives at the arena and starts solving the crime himself.
70
He realizes that Millicent is a party to the crime, but before she can push him down the stairs, Laura saves
him. Unfortunately, in the scue, she accidentally pushes Steele down the stairs, where he crashes into
Arnold.
Back at Steele's apartment, he now has two broken legs. Laura comes in with some things, and Steele
suggests they get cozy. But Laura has a job: Checking out Moriah's new set of eligible bachelors. Steele is
left in his apartment, wiggling his toes.
Movies:
The ABC Murders, Agatha Christie.
Rear Window, James Stewart, Grace Kelly, Paramount 1954. (Steele spends the episode in a cast, and
ends with both legs in a cast.)
Notes:
Steele is incorrect when he says that The ABC Murders was never made into a movie. Try The Alphabet
Murders.
71
High Flying Steele
3718
35
George Lee Marshall
Karen Arthur
01/17/84 10p A name spoken to Mildred at an innocuous seance draws Laura and Steele to a sleazy circus
06/12/84 10p where they pose as a high-ying trapeze act to catch a murderer.
Christy Cordaro . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lisa Pelikan
Fresco Zapata . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael McGuire
Guy Nickerson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A. Martinez
Delilah Zapata . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joy Garrett
Max Hardin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jessie Lawrence Ferguson
Mildred attends a seance at `Cordaro's Fabulous Funtime Circus', at which the name of her future
romantic interest is revealed to be `Turk' (even though Fresco set the dial to `Joe'). All the regulars present
(Delilah, Max, and Christy) are shocked to see it and Mildred is shooed out. As Mildred leaves, Guy appears
from the shadows, and a shadowy gure watches from the roof. Throughout the episode, this shadowy gure
lurks in the background.
The next day, Steele arrives early to work, only to be greeted by a bash on the head. The oce is
ransacked, and Mildred confesses to her seance habit when Laura nds a circus prop among the debris.
They visit a wheelchair-bound Christy Cordaro (former trapeze artist), who maintains that nothing unusual
is happening. A scream is heard outside, and Steele makes a daring rescue of Guy on the ferris wheel. Upon
inspection, Laura discovers that the safety pin had been cut. Christy concedes that perhaps the agency's
help is needed. She explains that after Guy's arrival a few weeks ago, Turk (their trapeze catcher) vanished
mysteriously in a boating accident a few days later. Turk was not a popular man.
Laura cajoles Steele into going undercover as Laura and Nigel Woolsey, a trapeze act. Steele also reprises
his re-breathing act as The Great Savini. Mildred works a booth and almost gives away the lure before
Laura stops her. Fresco Zapata stops by the booth and invites Laura to his seance room. Delilah catches
up to them and warns Laura to stay away from her husband. Guy talks to Steele and tries to poke holes in
his cover, but Steele talks his way out of them.
That evening, Laura, Steele and Mildred break into the seance room to nd that `Turk' isn't programmed
into the magnet-propelled crystal ball. Laura and Steele go into the basement to nd a larger electromagnet
which was used to overpower the magnet that controlled the crystal ball. The shadowy gure locks the door,
and the basement begins to ll with water. Laura and Steele use the electromagnet to send a call for help
to Mildred, who rescues them just in time.
At Laura's apartment, she and Steele practice trapeze while Mildred lls in some background. Guy was
recently released from jail after he was literally left hanging at the scene of the robbery of a Gutenberg Bible
four years earlier, the same night as Christy's career-ending accident. Laura and Steele gure he's returned
to claim his share of the loot. But from whom?
Christy explains to Laura that Turk was the rigger for the fateful performance. Meanwhile, Delilah has
invited Steele over for coee, but when he asks about Christy's accident, she gets defensive and tells him
to leave. Fresco tells Steele that he was the catcher that evening. Preparing for their rehearsal with Guy,
Laura and Steele conclude that it was Turk who was the accomplice. But if Guy now has the bible, why is he
still hanging around? To dispel suspicion? During the rehearsal, a swinging pulley narrowly misses Laura.
Max runs out, and Laura talks to him. Max says he set up the rigging the night of Christy's accident. Turk
was supposed to do it, but he was late, and Max set it up, even though he wasn't really qualied. Turk
was supposed to check Max's work, but didn't. When the rigging failed, Turk said he'd take the fall for the
accident, provided Max not mention a word of it to anyone. Since Turk's body was never found, Laura and
Steele suspect that he isn't really dead.
That evening, the rigging fails Laura's trapeze act, but Steele saves her. Turk appears and exits
dramatically; all give chase. Turk grabs the bible (the lure for the carnival booth), and Laura and Steele
subdue him. Guy grabs the bible, but our sleuths convince him to give himself up.
At the oce, Laura and Steele recap the case. Guy never believed Turk was dead. He believed somebody
at the circus was working with Turk, so he rigged the seance to see how they would react. Mildred tells
Laura and Steele that she's going to see a palm reader to see if there is romance in her future. Laura suggests
to Steele that they don't need a palm reader to answer the question for themselves. . .
72
Notes:
Fun.
73
Blood is Thicker Than Steele
3712
36
Richard DeRoy
Barbara Peters
01/31/84 10p Laura and Steele must protect two precocious children from the kidnappers who want to
07/10/84 10p keep their father from testifying in a federal investigation.
Chris Gallen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Eric Brown
Shelby Hanes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Carolyn Seymour
Angel Gallen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bridgette Andersen
Walter Gallen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jack Betts
Steven Cole . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ted LePlat
Bonnie Neemeyer? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anne Gee Byrd
Barbara Frick? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Patricia Wettig
Bo Neemeyer? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ed Crick
Policeman? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bruce Wright
Ross? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mike Genovese
Jackson? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael J. Cutt
Simpson? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Art Koustik
Reporter? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Conrad E. Palmisano
Mrs. Trout? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Renee Wedel
As Laura, Steele and Mildred go home at the end of the day, Mildred is kidnaped, and Laura and Steele
give chase. When they successfully rescue her, Walter Gallen reveals himself: It was all a test to see if the
agency was as good as its reputation. He hires them to escort his two children Angel and Chris (ages 9 and
14, respectively) to Phoenix, where he will be testifying in federal court against the Graykirk Corporation.
In New York City, Steven Cole of Graykirk reassures Senator Collier that everything is under control.
When they pick up the kids (dressed in matching blazers and caps as `Steele Tours'), they nd that
Angel is a spoiled brat, and Chris is smitten by Laura. They take the kids to `Party Pizza', where they
escape a kidnaping attempt. But the goons are waiting by the limo, so Steele et al steal a bus. Steele
drops o Laura and the kids and manages to get rid of the bus without getting arrested. Throughout, Chris
continues to come on to Laura, who tries to smile politely.
They go to the home of Barbara Frick, one of Laura's college roommates. Mildred arrives with an
RV, and Angel refuses to go along. She phones home and talks to Shelby Hanes, Mr. Gallen's secretary.
Unfortunately, the bad guys had kidnaped Shelby and therefore now know Steele's plans. Meanwhile, Laura
and Steele continue to argue about why Laura really took the case. Laura claims it is to test her mothering
skills; Steele believe it is to test his fathering skills.
On the road, Laura fends o an attempt to shoot out the RV's tires. At an RV stop, they meet Bonnie
and Bo Neemeyer, who invite Angel to a piece of key lime pie, her favorite. (What a coincidence.) Laura
and Steele try their best to keep Angel from joining the Neemeyers (with a few arguments along the way),
but they fail. Laura and Chris are kidnaped as well, and the Neemeyers' RV speeds away. Steele managed
to climb aboard and, with Laura's help, subdue the Neemeyers.
Back in New York, Cole extracts from Gallen's bodyguard the time of Gallen's court appearance. While
Steele drives the RV towards Phoenix, Chris continues to come on to Laura, who continues to smile sweetly.
They arrive just in time to thwart an attempt by Cole's men to shoot Gallen.
Movies:
The Gauntlet, Clint Eastwood, Sondra Locke, Warner Brothers 1977.
The Bad Seed
Notes:
A `no-brainer'.
`Party Pizza' is really `Chuck-E-Cheez' in disguise.
74
75
37
Susan Baskin
02/07/84 10p
07/03/84 10p
Steele Sweet on You
3707
Don Weis
A murderer attends a dental convention to steal a speaker's prop, which could expose him
as the perpetrator, not the victim, of an arson death.
Frances Piper . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Maryedith Burrell
Donald Piper . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Durrell
Wendell Whittaker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Patrick Collins
Howie Sabatchnik . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James O'Sullivan
Cookie Widdoes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Therese Brown
Clerk? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Boyd Bodwell
Dentist? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Earl Houston Bullock
Policeman? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Garry Goodron
We see a man pour gasoline over a dead body and all over a house, light it, and drive away. At a
dentist's oce, a dentist (Howie) and his assistant (Cookie) are kissing madly. The phone rings and Cookie
answers it, breathlessly. It's Frances asking to talk to Donald; Cookie says that Donald left, and Frances
suspects from Cookie's heavy breathing that she's doing more than ling charts. Howie and Cookie leave,
and the man from the opening breaks into the oce. He goes into the les and replaces the contents of
the le for `Wendell Whittaker'; he goes to the cabinet but nds that the teeth impressions for Wendell are
missing.
Laura arrives at work to nd Frances waiting for her in her oce. Frances explains that Donald is in Los
Angeles for a dentists' convention and for the rst time in sixteen years, he didn't invite her along. Frances
suspects an aair and Laura oers to see what's up. At the hotel, Donald nds Howie and Cookie kissing
madly and is upset at Howie for not working on the paper they are presenting at the convention. He tells
Howie to take a cold shower.
Steele arrives for work and is upset that Laura has once again gone o on a case without telling him. At
the hotel, Laura is accosted by oers of free samples from a chocolate convention in the same hotel. Laura
asks the clerk for Donald's room number; the mystery man asks for Howie's room number. In the hotel
room, Donald is dictating the paper to Cookie (still dressed in a imsy nightgown). Laura comes in and
sees Cookie. As Donald and Laura leave to go downstairs, the mystery man arrives and shoots Cookie and
Howie. The mystery man is Wendell Whittaker. Wendell goes through the room but can't nd the teeth.
Downstairs, Donald tries to explain, but Laura is not convinced. Steele arrives and watches Donald and
Laura in deep conversation. Wendell comes downstairs and sees the teeth in Donald's hands. Donald tells
Laura he didn't bring Frances because he didn't want to expose her to the hanky panky that goes on. Laura
pretends to believe him, and Donald kisses her in appreciation. Steele is shocked. Wendell greets Donald
and accompanies Donald into the elevator to go up to his room. Steele takes a nametag and grabs Donald.
But Donald gets dragged away by his party-loving dentist friends.
Back at the loft, Frances checks up on the kids back in Connecticut and learns that the police want the
dental records of one of Donald's patients Wendell Whittaker. Apparently, they found his body burned in a
re, and they need the dental records to conrm his identity. Steele arrives and asks Laura where she was;
Laura says she was with a client.
The party animals drag Donald to his room and he shoos them away. He nds Cookie's and Howie's
bodies in the bathroom. He calls Laura and asks her to come over. Wendell stops by Donald's room and
is about to shoot him when the party animals return with women. They toss the teeth around the room
as Laura and Steele arrive. Donald takes the teeth and introduces the bodies to Laura. Steele joins them.
Frances appears and scolds the partiers. \Go to church and pray for forgiveness!" They slink out. Frances
confronts Donald, and they try to calm her down. She storms into the bathroom. Bad move.
Wendell reads the newspaper; the headline is \Head of Bullion Exchange Dies in Fire", with a picture
of himself. Back at the loft, Frances and Donald make up. Laura and Steele clear the air between them and
return to the hotel, Steele as Doctor Bridges and Laura as a hooker. Laura is accosted by free chocolate
samples, and Steele realizes she's a chocoholic. At the loft, Donald discovers Frances' purse lled with
chocolates. Frances tells him about the phone call, and Donald realizes that Wendell switched dental les,
and whoever has the teeth is in danger.
76
At the hotel, Laura distracts the policeman guarding Donald's room and Steele sneaks in. Wendell pulls
a gun and demands the teeth. After a struggle, Wendell gets away, with the teeth. Donald and Frances
arrive at the hotel and Wendell follows them, in turn followed by Laura and Steele. Laura and Steele nd
Donald stung Frances with chocolates to keep her quiet. Laura and Frances discuss their chocoholism.
Meanwhile Donald explains to Steele that Wendell is under investigation for embezzling $10 million from
the bullion exchange. Donald took the teeth to the convention as a prop for his talk about tic douloureaux.
Steele says Donald's life is still in danger.
Donald gives his speech, and Wendell appears and pulls a gun. Steele cranks up the volume, generating
feedback that causes pain in Wendell's mouth, and the shot misses. At the loft, Donald and Frances give
Laura a thank-you gift of. . . a box of chocolates.
Movies:
Boom Town, Clark Gable, Claudette Colbert, Hedy Lamarr, MGM 1940.
The Lost Weekend, Ray Milland.
The Man Who Knew Too Much, Jimmy Stewart, Doris Day, Paramount 1956.
The episode is an irreverent rendition of a 1930's style `screwball comedy' movie.
Notes:
Simply marvellous. Good clean, er, just good fun.
77
Elegy in Steele
3720
38
Brian Alan Lane
Kevin Connor
02/21/84 10p Archenemy Major Descoine appears out of nowhere and promises Laura and Steele that
06/26/84 10p they'll be dead within the hour.
Major Descoine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Guy Boyd
Minor Descoine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Quinn Cummings
Cop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Fairman
Cab driver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ed Hooks
Man . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ric Mancini
Mildred nds Steele creating a concoction with his desktop chemistry set. He's trying to recreate a drink
(a `Tropical Itch') from his days on Mykonos. He fails. Mildred gives him a form from the State Bureau of
Investigative Services that has to be signed and sent by noon today. She leaves for lunch. Major Descoine
comes in, having recently escaped from prison. He tells them they will be dead by noon. He vanishes in a
pu of smoke. Laura studies the muer he left behind and traces it to the Bel Oaks country club across the
street.
At the country club, they nd tombstones with their names on them. They ask the proprietor who
ordered them, and he says he went that-a-way. They wander into a demolition area, and the foreman
mentions that Descoine is their new demolitions expert. Laura and Steele continue to follow his trail, nding
footprints that lead to the aqueduct. They swim through the pipe and emerge in an abandoned building.
They follow the footprints to a quaint parlor, where they nd that Descoine has been spying on them, and
then are greeted by the the Major's daughter, who oers them tea. The daughter goes into the kitchen
and vanishes. Then the parlor catches re. The windows are bricked shut; the only way out is through the
kitchen door. They burst the door down, and narrowly escape a thirty-foot drop. They see a rope ladder
being pulled up to the roof. They grab a mattress and use it to cushion their fall.
The major's daughter escapes on roller skates, and Laura and Steele pursue on foot. But when she hops
on a motorcycle, they realize that it's no use. While Steele hails a cab, Laura calls her mother. Laura's
plan is to nd a safe hiding place (she suggests a place she played when growing up) and lie low until the
deadline is passed. But when they see the Major's daughter following them, they duck into a car wash and
hide in the trunk. The Major's daughter gives up, and Laura directs the cab driver to drive them to the
runo tunnels.
In the tunnels, Descoine appears, and Steele res a shot; but the bullet hits a mirror. Steele follows
the path of the light, and Laura sees her childhood diary on the ground. She picks it up, but it's connected
to a string which sets o a machine gun. They duck for cover, but Laura realizes that the gun is ring
blanks. Descoine runs past, and they chase him outside. Steele nally catches him and tries to drown him.
A policeman appears and arrests Steele and Laura; Descoine reported to the police that Steele made a death
threat against him. Descoine vanishes, and Laura and Steele steal the policeman's gun and tell him to call
Jarvis. They steal the police car and return to the oce, where they collapse on the couch.
The Major's daughter appears and tosses a canister of gas into the room, then closes the door. She
jammed the doors shut, and the oce windows don't open. Laura rewires the air conditioner into an exhaust
fan to suck away the fumes. Mildred returns from lunch and shortly thereafter, the postman arrives to pick
up the forms. Laura is confused when the gas canister turns out to be completely harmless. Laura is about
to seal the envelope but Steele drops some liquid onto the seal from his chemistry set and realizes that the
glue was poisoned.
Some days later, Laura and Steele are disguised as post oce employees and the Major appears to pick
up his mail. He is arrested, but his daughter gets away, hiding in a postbox.
Movies:
Neptune's Daughter, Esther Williams, MGM 1949.
The Major and the Minor, Ray Milland, Ginger Rogers, Paramount 1942.
Notes:
78
A denite no-brainer. Hardly any dialog either, as we spend most of our time watching Steele and Laura
run for their lives. Steele and Laura also draw conclusions much faster than could be reasonably expected.
(Why did Laura stick her hand in the path of the gunre? How did Steele know what poison the Major
used?) And besides, you can't hide in a post box the way the Major's daughter did.
The pictures they nd in the Major's parlor are Laura and Steele ringing the front door [32], Steele on
the phone [31], Laura pushing Steele in a wheelchair [34], and Laura as a fashion model [33].
The date on the tombstones agrees with the original air date.
The incidental music is the same as from Descoine's previous appearance in Steele Framed.
During the re scene, Steele isn't, then is, then isn't wearing his vest.
79
39
Je Melvoin
02/28/84 10p
07/31/84 10p
Small Town Steele
3721
Seymour Robbie
Laura and Steele investigate the disappearance of a historian who stumbled onto a small
town's well-guarded secret.
Sheri Je `Jed' Nebbins . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Paul Gleason
Winslow Avery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ben Slack
Prof. Arthur Thickett . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jacques Aubuchdon
Mayor Amaryllis MacKenzie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Carolyn Coates
Gun-happy townsperson? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ford Rainey
Rachel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jennifer Parsons
Betty Lynne? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Judith Searle
Rachel's mother? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Marilyn Schreer
Townsperson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ron Meszaros
Professor Thickett is in the DeNada town library eagerly doing research. The townsfolk eye him suspiciously. At closing time, he nds himself locked in and tries to escape, but is caught by the townsfolk.
Laura and Steele arrive in DeNada to nd the missing professor, posing as colleagues from UCLA.
Laura's hay fever starts acting up, and it remains a recurring problem for the entire episode. The gas station
attendant seems friendly enough, that is until they ask after Thickett. A page is torn out of the town
boarding house's register. The sheri says that Thickett left town. As Steele and Laura walk through town,
the townsfolk eye them suspiciously.
In the sheri's oce, the townsfolk are anxious for Laura and Steele to leave. Outside, Rachel tells our
sleuths, \You can't stay here, please. You're already in danger," but doesn't elaborate. They go into the
town diner where Laura suspects something is up. The Mayor and Winslow (town newspaper editor) join
Laura and Steele. Winslow tells them, \Don't ask any questions," and notes that he's seen Steele somewhere
before. Laura follows Rachel out, and Rachel tells her to leave, but doesn't say why. She oers to meet
Laura at 3pm. The Mayor sees them.
Laura calls the oce, and Mildred is about to give some important information when the phone suddenly
goes dead. In the sheri's oce, Winslow identies Steele as Steele, and the townsfolk wonder what to do
next. The Mayor tells them to stay calm; there are only twenty-four hours left, and their seven years of work
will be rewarded.
Mildred can't get through to Laura and decides to drive there herself. Laura and Steele drive to their
rendezvous with Rachel and are chased and shot at, her car eventually forced into the river. They nd
Rachel's dead body.
They go to the sheri, who brushes o everything. Laura realizes the entire town is in on it and wants
to leave, but the car won't be xed until Monday. We see Mildred zooming past in the Auburn, with a state
trooper in pursuit. When Mildred can't make bail for speeding, the sheri locks her up. She joins Thickett
in jail. Laura and Steele visit the sheri to bail out Mildred, but he says that they've closed for the weekend.
He's also taken the liberty of disabling Steele's car.
Thickett nishes explaining to Mildred what's going on just as Laura and Steele arrive to spring them
from jail. Laura discovers a huge stash of money, but there's no time to explain; Laura and Steele have to
dash (leaving Mildred and Thickett still in jail) as they run for their lives from an angry torch-carrying mob.
In the woods, Laura and Steele huddle (\Strictly for warmth," explains Steele), and Steele tries to get
cozy, but Laura's mind is on the case. The next morning, they nd makeshift graves and airplane parts and
piece together the puzzle. The Cleveland First City Bank was robbed seven years ago to the day. The culprits
crash-landed in DeNada, and the townsfolk are sitting on the cash, waiting for the statute of limitations to
expire.
The entire town is in the diner waiting for the clock to strike noon and the money to become theirs.
Laura and Steele spring Mildred and Thickett, then hot-wire the sheri's jeep to get out of town. They are
shot at and brought back to the diner. Laura tells the townsfolk about Rachel's murder, and all are shocked.
Laura notes that the Mayor overheard them set the meeting place, and the Mayor says the only people she
told were Winslow and the sheri. Steele notes that the perpetrator must have been left-handed and notes
that Winslow is left-handed. Winslow pulls the sheri's gun and tries to explain, \I was doing it all for you."
Laura and Steele disarm him. Laura notes that Steele's logic was faulty, but Steele just shrugs it o.
80
Back at the oce, Laura and Steele recap the case, and Mildred leaves for lunch with Professor Thickett.
Steele produces two tickets to the ballet, which Laura nds worthy of sneezing at.
Movies:
A Bad Day at Black Rock, Spencer Tracy, Robert Ryan, MGM 1954.
In the Heat of the Night, Sidney Poitier, Rod Steiger, United Artists 1967.
Notes:
Continuity fun: When Steele and Laura nd Rachel's body, their clothes are dry, even though they just
waded out of the river.
Also, Laura says that `today' is 28 February 1984, which does agree with the air date. Unfortunately,
the story takes place on a Saturday, but 28 February 1984 was a Tuesday.
81
Molten Steele
3715
40
Richard Collins
Christopher Hibler
03/06/84 10p A woman hires Laura and Steele to nd out who had her name and number printed in a
08/14/84 10p sex-magazine ad.
Emily Dumont . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pippa Scott
Charles Dumont . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bill Morey
Walter Muller . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Furey
Anne Montague . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ellen Regan
Tommy Montague . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Bedford-Lloyd
Betsy Lindner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ellen Tobie
Phil Lindler? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jimmy Krell
Sandra Casson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Andrea Moar
Jimmy Casson? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bill Marcus
Miss Hopkins? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Brenda Currin
Mr. Ferschuver? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jonathan Terry
Mrs. Dumont stares at a ringing phone and nally answers it. She tells the caller to leave her alone
and rushes out. The next day, she tells Laura and Steele that she had an aair with the mechanic who
turned around and blackmailed her. When she didn't pay up, he printed her name and number in a sex
magazine. Laura suggests she change her phone number, but Mrs. Dumont says that her husband (a big oil
businessman) would want to know why.
Laura teases Steele for his more-than-casual interest in the contents of the sex magazine. While Laura
helps Mrs. Dumont hide the facts from her husband (who just arrived by helicopter), Steele obtains incriminating evidence from the publisher of the magazine in question and confronts Muller, who tells him to buzz
o. At a cocktail party at the Dumont residence, Laura is introduced to their neighbors, Jimmy and Sandra
Casson, Tommy (the helicopter pilot) and Anne Montague, and Phil and Betsy Lindler. There is a scream
as Muller's dead body is discovered in the yard.
That evening, Mrs. Dumont tells Laura and Steele that she told Charles everything, and Charles dismisses our sleuths with a generous fee. But Laura doesn't want to let go of the case; their only clue is a set
of car keys they found in Muller's hand. At their respective residences, Anne, Betsy and Sandra are bawled
out by their husbands for their indiscretion with Muller. Laura and Steele pay a late-night visit to Muller's
oce. When a car pulls up, Laura sneaks out to see if the key ts and Steele hides in the oce. Jimmy
comes in in and pokes around the oce. Laura tries the key in Jimmy's car, but it doesn't t. Laura gets
trapped in the car as another car pulls up. Jimmy leaves, and Phil comes in. Phil leaves when Anne arrives.
When Jimmy arrives home, Laura tries to sneak out but sets o the burglar alarm and manages to escape
from the guard dogs. She walks back to Muller's where Steele drives her home. But on their way home, they
are run o the road by an oil truck.
At a club, Steele goes through Muller's appointment book and notes that all three women were regular
customers. While they dance, Laura muses how the marriages in Rancho Santa Louisa seem just to be false
fronts.
Steele poses as a new car mechanic to try the keys in the women's cars, but it ts none of them. When
Tommy asks Steele to repair a chronic oil leak, Steele sneaks the car out to a local garage for repair.
At Charles' oce, Emily comes in with disturbing news: The autopsy says Muller's death was murder.
Laura comes in, upset from being run o the road by one of Charles' trucks. Charles says one of his truck
was stolen (then later recovered) and lets Laura see it. She nds pills on the seat. Charles notes that to
drive one of these trucks, one would need lots of experience. He also advises Laura not to let her career get
in the way of a relationship.
Steele returns to the garage to pick up the car, where an engine nearly falls on him. At the oce,
Mildred identies the pills as nitroglycerin tablets for a heart condition. Laura crashes a tea party being
thrown by Betsy and lets everyone know that Muller was servicing all of them. She shows them the keys and
suggests that whoever recognizes them step forward before it's too late. As the ladies leave, Betsy identies
the keys as from her husband's car; Muller was working on it while they were at Emily's party. When they
returned from the party, the car hood was up, the repairs unnished. Laura concludes that Muller was killed
while he was xing the Lindners' car. Steele notices an oil stain in the driveway and realizes where it came
from.
82
They arrive at the Montagues, who were on their way out. They escape in a motorboat, and Steele and
Laura pursue in a helicopter. Steele leaves Laura to y the copter while he jumps onto the boat and subdues
Tommy. Unfortunately, Laura doesn't know how to y a helipcopter, much less land one.
At the club, Laura and Steele recap the case. Anne had the misfortune of falling in love with Muller.
She invited him to run away with her, and when he laughed in her face, she coshed him with a wrench.
Rather than expose an empty marriage, Tommy agreed to help her move the body. Laura and Steele spot
the Dumonts dancing at the club and vice versa, then Laura invites Steele to explain how he learned to y
a helicopter.
Movies:
Peyton Place, Lana Turner, Lee Philips, Twentieth Century Fox 1957.
83
Dreams of Steele
3726
41
Brian Alan Lane
Don Weis
03/20/84 10p The reputation of the agency is at stake when the rare gems Laura and Steele were hired
09/04/84 10p to transport are switched with fakes en-route to their destination.
Clarissa Custer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Judith Light
Archie Doke . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Woodrow Parfrey
Mr. Holmes? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jack Gwillim
Todd Doke . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Robert Harper
Jacques? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lomax Study
Reporter? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jim Tartan
Man at aquarium? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tom Everett
At a dinner in honor of Steele, Steele starts taking credit for Laura's work, and Laura can't stand it any
more. She takes the microphone and reveals Steele to be a fraud. Steele is taken away. Outside, Laura is
signing autographs and Steele (now a street bum) begs a quarter from her, \for old time's sake." She tosses
the quarter into the gutter and leaves, laughing.
Laura wakes up from her nap. They've been hired to transport the Royal Lavulite gems, the gems
that brought Steele into Laura's life in the rst place. Steele is in charge of all the security arrangements.
They pick up the gems to great media fanfare, and Steele's plan is to drive the gems to Los Angeles. Laura
wakes up from a little nap in the car and notices a peculiar odor coming from the briefcase the jewels are
in. Steele pulls o the road for a picnic, after which he'll change cars. But a bulldozer suddenly appears
and pushes the car down the hill. Laura sees a helicopter overhead and nds a homing device attached to
the car. Luckily, the briefcase lock is intact. At Los Angeles, the gem inspector proclaims the jewels a fake,
and in the ensuing struggle, the gems are tossed into the lake. The lake is dredged, and the jewels found.
But when Steele inspects them, they're fakes.
In a dream, Steele is in a French casino and turns over the Royal Lavulite to Jacques, who notes that
this is the longest it's taken him to accomplish a mission. Steele says he was sidetracked by a woman. Steele
is about to leave with a sexy blonde when Nora Bolt (Laura) comes in and begs him to take her back.
He leaves with the blonde, and turns to see Nora making out with a sailor and knocking over a bottle of
champagne.
Steele wakes up when the car he is driving sideswipes a few garbage pails. They visit Archie Doke, the
gem inspector, since Steele gures he pulled a switch on them when the bulldozer attempte failed. They
break in and nd a bottle of the scent Laura smelled on the briefcase. They also nd Archie's dead body in
the bedroom.
Clarissa, the insurance representative, apologizes to Laura and Steele for hiring them on the case; she
thought it would just be some easy publicity for the agency. She tells Laura and Steele that their fee is being
held up pending an investigation. She says that Archie died of a heart attack. He was a recent widower, his
only remaining family being his son Todd. She also warns them that if the gems don't turn up soon, the
insurance company will be forced to conclude that Steele stole them himself.
Laura and Steele go to the Hayden Institute of Oceanography to talk to Todd. Steele investigates a
helicopter Laura sees, while Laura pokes around Todd's oce. She nds a vial of the same scent in the trash,
then sees a box in the water tank. She goes out to the tank to sh it out, but Todd sneaks up behind her
and pushes her in, locking the grating. Steele nds tracking equipment in the helicopter and goes to Todd's
oce. Through the window to the tank, we see Laura bang on the window but Steele doesn't see her until he
nds Laura's purse. He smashes the window. Inside the box Laura picked up is a sh head, nothing more.
They return to the oce, where Mildred says that all their clients have cancelled, and their licence has
been suspended. Laura gives Mildred the scent sample for lab analysis, and suggests to Steele that they get
cleaned up.
In the shower, Steele slips into a dream. He answers the door to his apartment to nd Nora with sacks
of groceries, her hair in curlers, and pregnant. The apartment is a mess and Steele settles down to watch
the ball game. Nora climbs onto his lap and starts kissing him, but Steele would rather watch the game.
(\Don't you ever get enough?") Nora fetches the babies, and the door rings. It's a very rich Auntie Mildred
who says hi to baby Nora and baby Remington. Nora asks Mildred when she's going to settle down and
84
have a family of her own, and Mildred says, \Over my dead body." Steele wakes up from his dream. \I've
got it. The body."
They break into the mortuary, where Steele suspects the gems were hidden with the body. They nd
Archie's ashes, but no gems. When they hear people coming, they hide in a con, and a mystery gure
locks them in and adds a nameplate. While hiding, Steele and Laura talk about dreams. The workers load
the con into the crematory, but Laura and Steele escape.
They return to the oce and put together a theory. Mildred has the lab report: The scent was from an
underwater grass. Steele realizes what's up and he and Laura go back to the lake. They nd the jewels in
the swan dung, and Laura leaves a business card in their place.
At Steele's apartment, Todd comes in with a gun. He explains he did it as a favor for his father and
takes the jewels. When he tries to leave, Mildred comes in from the kitchen with a gun of her own. But
Clarissa was hiding behind the curtain with her own gun. She was the one who tempted Archie into pulling
the theft in the rst place, and it was she who locked them into the con. Steele pulls the rug out from
under her, and a struggle ensures. Laura and Clarissa fall o the balcony.
Steele dreams of Nora's funeral; only he and Mildred attend. He reassures Mildred the he can manage
on his own, and we see the blonde from Nice in the limo. Nora bursts out of the con, \Hey! Don't think
you can get rid of me that easily, Mr. Steele."
In the hospital, Laura lies unconscious, her head bandaged, and a smile on her face. The doctor says
that Laura was lucky that the hedge broke her fall, and suggests that she be left alone. On his way out,
Steele wishes her, \Sweet dreams, Miss Holt." Laura responds, \You too, Mr. Steele."
Movies:
Ocean's Eleven, Frank Sinatra, Richard Conte and the Rat Pack, Warner Brothers 1960.
Notes:
The dinner banner read \The Society for American Heroes Honors Remington Steele."
Newspaper headlines in the rst dream: \Laura Holt Disarms Terrorist Bomb", \Holt Foils Assassination
Plot", and \Holt Recovers Mona Lisa."
Throughout the dreams, Laura's name is `Nora Bolt', taken from Laura's rst dream.
85
42
Susan Baskin
03/27/84 10p
07/24/84 10p
Woman of Steele
3724
Christopher Hibler
With the agency guarding an art collection, Steele is distracted by a woman from his past,
and Laura intends to learn the woman's intentions regarding the collection|and Steele.
Brosnan's wife plays Anna Simpson.
Anna Simpson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cassandra Harris
Raymond Merleau . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James Laurenson
Man in bar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Christopher Stone
Caroline Welles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Eve Roberts
Herbert Welles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Devlin
Pawn shopkeeper . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Del Regno
Butler . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jim Jansen
Caroline Welles hires the agency to oversee security arrangements at an art exhibition of the Walter
Patton collection. While going over the details, Steele sees a woman and excuses himself. The woman leaves
with Raymond, and she reassures him that there is nothing between her and Steele.
At a club, Laura and Steele join Caroline and Herb Welles for dinner. Music plays and Steele sees the
woman come in with Raymond. Steele's mind is elsewhere, and Laura tries to carry the conversation. Steele
goes to the woman but she denies knowing him. When Steele returns to the table, he nds that Laura has
already gone home. Raymond warns the woman that she's walking on thin ice.
Steele goes to Laura's apartment and explains: The mystery woman is a clone of Anna Simpson, a
woman he knew from Monte Carlo who died the night they were to go away together. He apologizes and
thanks Laura for her understanding. When he returns to his apartment, Steele nds Anna already there.
When she conrms that it really is her, Steele has mixed feelings. He's elated that she's alive, but mad that
she didn't tell him. Steele asks her why she came back, and she just tells him, \I'm still in danger," and
says his involvement can only make things worse. Raymond watches Anna leave Steele's apartment.
Steele arrives the next morning, unhappy. Laura identies the mystery woman as Lydia Vanowen, soon
to be married to the wealthy Walter Patton. Steele says nothing and leaves. Laura is dumbfound and starts
some investigating of her own.
Steele arrives at the Patton estate, and Anna tells him he shouldn't be here. She explains that she
married Raymond and faked her death to cash in on the life insurance. Raymond returned when he learned
of her engagement to Walter Patton and oered not to tell Patton the truth if she in turned shared the loot
with him. Anna says she was content with the arrangement until Steele showed up. If Raymond sees Steele,
he'll suspect that Steele is going to blow the whistle. Steele reassures Anna that he'll take care of Raymond.
As Steele leaves, Laura pulls up. She wants to know what is going on. Steele isn't very forthcoming, and
Laura just tells him that the ball is in his court.
When Raymond confronts Anna with his knowledge of her visit to Steele's apartment, she explains that
Steele is blackmailing her; if she doesn't pay, Steele will tell Patton the truth. Raymond reassures Anna
that he'll take care of Steele.
Steele phones Mildred and asks her to dig up whatever she can on Merleau. Merleau drives past, and
Steele follows him to a pawn shop, where he learns that he bought a gun.
Laura returns to the oce and tries calmly to discuss with Mildred her relationship with Steele. Laura
realizes that there is a third party forcing her and Steele apart. She goes to the art gallery and learns from
Caroline that Lydia (Anna) was the one who recommended the agency. She also knew that Steele would be
at the museum to go over security and at the club for dinner afterwards.
The next morning, Steele is busy planning his next move. Laura asks him if he's going to let Anna marry
Patton, and Steele admits he hasn't thought that far ahead yet. Laura tells Steele that Anna's reapparance
was not accidental, but Steele explains that she needed to contact him without drawing suspicion. Steele
confronts Raymond with his outstanding police record and tells him to buzz o.
Laura confronts Anna at the gallery and tells her she knows why she came back. Anna in turn tries to
nd out what exactly is the relationship between Laura and Steele. After some verbal sparring, Anna leaves
and Laura follows her to a country-western tavern. Laura waits in the car, and inside, Anna makes eyes at
one of the bar denizens. They leave for the motel next door, but once inside, Anna dumps him and insults
86
him until he slaps her. She checks herself in the mirror and thanks him, then leaves. Laura sees Anna leave
and a confused man return to the tavern. She talks to him and learns what happened.
That evening, Steele visits Anna and nds the bruise on her face. He concludes that Raymond did it.
Anna tells Steele that Raymond asked her to show up at the club with \my rst installment" and Steele
storms out. Laura arrives just too late to stop Steele and follows in her car. Anna calls the hotel where
Raymond is staying and tells him that Steele demanded the rst installment from her, to be paid at the
club.
Steele picks the lock to the club and walks cautiously with his gun poised. Raymond comes in and
Steele tells him \She's not coming." Raymond takes a shot at him, and Steele ducks for cover. Laura comes
in and tells them both they've been set up. Raymond says he's invested too much to let either of them get
away. Meanwhile Anna arrives at the club and waits outside in her car. Laura and Steele subdue Raymond,
but he eventually gets away. We hear a gunshot, then Raymond stumbles back into the bar and dies.
Anna comes in. \Darling, you're alive." Steele realizes Anna can say that Raymond killed Steele, then
she shot Raymond in self-defence. Anna tries to charm Steele, but he is not won over. She raises her gun,
but Laura disarms her.
Steele pays a visit to Laura at her apartment with a bottle of Dom Perignon, a gift from Caroline. He
says he came to explain some things and reassures Laura that his relationship with Anna was in the past,
and it will remain there. He notes that Laura has changed him, and they drink to the present, and the
future.
Movies:
Vertigo, James Stewart, Kim Novak, Paramount 1958.
Obsession, Cli Robertson, Genevieve Bujold, Columbia 1976.
Notes:
A good suspense story. Anna executes a top-rate swindle.
87
43
Je Melvoin
05/15/84 10p
08/28/84 10p
Hounded Steele
3727
Don Weis
Mildred's moonlighting as a detective turns up a dead Interpol agent and puts Laura and
Steele on the trail of an international master thief.
Kevin Masters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . J. D. Cannon
Anatole Blaylock . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tom Baker
Shirley Mellish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nita Talbot
Susan Claireborne . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sarah Marshall
Rose . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Doris Belack
Hazel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Freddie Weber
Ester . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Paddi Edwards
Delivery man? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stephen James
Lieutenant Tom? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James Hardie
Jonathan Hemmings? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Brian Greene
Diamond 1? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lawrence Benedict
Mildred goes to a motel and retrieves a pet dog. As she leaves the room, a man comes in and takes a
shot at her while she makes her escape. Steele arrives at the oce to nd Mildred not in and Laura trying to
hold down the fort. When Mildred's bowling team come in and mention that Mildred is on a case, Laura and
Steele go to Mildred's apartment to see what is the matter and leave Susan Claireborne (who had arrived
for an appointment) to man the phones. Meanwhile, Mildred is on the run from the gunman.
At Mildred's house, Laura and Steele nd everything in perfect order and realize that, aside from her
bowling team, they're the only friends she has. They spot a man peeking through the window and chase him,
but he gets away. They return to the oce to nd Kevin Masters, a charming retired gentleman, inquiring
after his dog. The dog comes in, followed by Mildred, who collapses on the oor.
While Mildred rests on the couch, Laura and Steele piece together what happened. Shirley Mellish (a
dog groomer) was caring for Masters' dog when it was stolen. Hazel recommended hiring Mildred. Laura is
upset that she now has two fraudulent detectives to cover for. While Steele mends his pants after another
run-in with the dog, Masters and Mildred get acquainted. Laura notices an expensive diamond collar on the
dog, and the gunman comes in and takes the dog at gunpoint.
Masters hires Laura and Steele to get his dog back, and oers the diamond collar as collateral. Laura
wonders why the gunman wanted the dog and not the diamond collar. Mildred admits that she told her
friends that she was a detective, and Laura and Steele help maintain her charade in front of her friends.
Laura and Steele return to the motel where they hear shot red and see the gunman getting away. They
recover the dog and nd dead the man who was snooping at Mildred's apartment. Jonathan Hemmings,
Interpol. Laura learns that Hemmings was trying to catch Blaylock, a former Interpol agent who was in
charge of catching the master thief `Le Renard'. When he failed, he was red, but this hasn't stopped him
from using false Interpol credentials.
Mildred has a nice chat with Masters at her apartment; she is clearly charmed. As Masters leaves,
we see that Blaylock is watching. Back at his apartment, Steele tries to train the dog, with little success.
Laura goes through Steele's `scrapbook of larceny' to see what she can nd on Le Renard. She recognizes
the diamond collar as one of the items that Le Renard stole and realizes that Masters is Le Renard and the
dog is his trusty assistant Doolittle.
Laura and Steele visit Masters at his modest home to return his dog, and confront him with their
knowledge. But they see no reason to turn him in. Mildred is kidnaped by Blaylock, and he forces her to
call Masters. Masters tells Laura and Steele that Blaylock wants him to steal the Jennings Diamond, or he'll
kill Mildred. Laura and Steele oer to help.
As they break into the gem exchange, it becomes apparent that Masters is not physically up to the
task. Back at Mildred's apartment, Blaylock calls the police to report the robbery in progress. That's what
he wanted all along: To catch Le Renard once and for all. Mildred's bowling team stop by and Blaylock
tells her to shoo them o, which she does, but not before dropping them a hint. Back at the gem exchange,
Masters injures his ankle, leaving Laura, Steele and Doolittle to complete the heist on their own.
Blaylock takes Mildred to the pier to kill her, but she gets away. Blaylock takes a shot at her, and she
falls into the water. While Steele completes the heist, Laura spots Mildred's bowling team outside, where
they are taken away by a detective. Laura realizes that it's a set-up and tells Steele to put the diamond
88
back. Outside, more police arrive, saying that they got an emergency call from an old man who got locked
into the building. The detectives frisk Masters, Laura, and Steele, and Blaylock appears and says that they
have the Jennings Diamond. But they don't. A damp Mildred runs up and tells the cops to arrest Blaylock.
Blaylock makes a run for it, but Doolittle catches him.
At the oce, Masters says that \The Fox has nally retired." Steele says that Blaylock has gone loony
and shouldn't pose any more of a threat. Mildred arrives and picks up her secretarial work right where she
left o.
Movies:
Old Yeller
Notes:
Tom Baker is better-known to most Americans as `Doctor Who'. It's amusing to see how many of his
mannerisms still survive.
89
Elementary Steele
3705
44
Michael Gleason
Seymour Robbie
05/22/84 10p Mystery bus have signed up for a make-believe case that's actually a scheme to locate a
12/25/84 10p murderous embezzler.
Rocky Sullivan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lynne Randall
Sherlock Holmes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Peter Evans
Mr. Moto . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Keone Young
Eddie Lucas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Barry Jenner
Philip Marlowe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Garrison
Doctor Watson? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . William Gris
Miss Marple . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pearl Shear
Agnes Fowler? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Libby Boone
Patient? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Adele Rosse
Bernard Geiger? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Paul Keith
Clerk? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alan Blumenfeld
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson break into Rocky Sullivan's apartment, and she escapes on a motorcycle, though she needs extreme tactics to ag down a police ocer. Back at the oce, huge bouquets of
owers arrive for Laura from an unidentifed secret admirer, and since there's no more room room in her
oce, she keeps them in Steele's oce. Steele takes a call from Rocky Sullivan.
They visit her in the mental ward where she explains that Holmes and Watson were chasing her. Steele
thinks she's lost her marbles until Laura spots a Rolls Royce with \the steering wheel on the wrong side".
They get Rocky released and leave, intentionally letting Holmes and Watson follow them, then trap them in
an alley. Holmes (Howard Epps) and Watson (George Homan) explain that they're just playing a game.
For $500 they get to impersonate their favorite ctional sleuth and pursue a fake case. Their assignment
was to nd Rocky. The big case is the embezzlement of $750,000 where the suspect commits suicide when
bank inspectors arrive. The money was never recovered, and he was being blackmailed due to an alleged
involvement with Rocky. But when Holmes mentions Eddie Lucas, the brains behind the blackmail scheme,
Rocky panics and backs out. Steele cajoles Laura into pursuing the case.
While Steele and Laura break into the Mystery Bu's main oce, Laura tries to guess who her secret
admirer is. The oce is empty, except for an answering machine. On the machine are messages from Philip
Marlowe and Mr. Moto. Moto says he's found Bernard Geiger, and they leave to meet him. Moto arrives
at Geiger's soft porn photo studio and confronts him with a picture of Rocky with another gentleman in a
compromising position. He asks after Eddie Lucas and gets thrown out. Geiger calls Lucas in a panic, and
Lucas arranges a meeting in the park. Laura and Steele arrive and wait for someone to make a move.
While they're waiting, Laura accuses Steele of pursuing the case to keep her mind o her secret admirer;
Steele in turn accuses Laura of using the situation to make him jealous, then notes how the arrival of the
secret admirer has forced him to realize how much she means to him. Geiger leaves, followed by Moto,
followed by Laura and Steele. At the park, Geiger approaches a car, and is shot by an unseen gunman, who
drives away. Moto nds the body and is pleased, then leaves. Laura and Steele arrive. Geiger is dead. For
real.
Laura and Steele talk to Rocky at the club and she excuses herself to prepare for her act. All the sleuths
arrive and Miss Marple (Ruth Gompers) and Philip Marlow (John Wiggins) and Mr. Moto (Winston Sakata)
introduce themselves. Laura and Steele tell the amateur sleuths that their case is for real. Winston says
he got Lucas' licence plate and has it at home. Rocky (under the name Sandy Stevens) starts her singing
act with `Who's Sorry Now'. She starts panicking when a large fellow comes in, and once her song is over,
she runs out, the man follows, and Laura and Steele pursue. They rescue Rocky but the man gets away.
Rocky explains that it was Vince Pappus, her ex-husband. She identies the man in the Mr. Moto's photo
as Arthur Fowler (the embezzling bank ocial), whom Eddie sent her way with instructions to get him into
bed. She refused, and claims that the picture must have been doctored by Geiger. Vince Pappus was Lucas's
driver (and possibly ran other errands). Laura suggests Rocky stay with her. As Winston and Steele arrive
at Winston's place to get the licence number, shots ring out; Winston is dead.
The next morning, Mildred digs up the information on Fowler. He committed suicide as bank examiners
discovered a $750,000 embezzlement scheme. His only remaining family is a daughter Agnes. The amateur
sleuths come in and ask Steele to drop the case before there's another death. Steele gives a moving speech to
90
change their mind. Marlowe says he found that Pappus opened his own limousine service. Laura phones the
limousine service and requests Pappus specically, only to nd that someone else called for him specically
just a short time ago.
They nd Pappus, dead. Steele storms o angrily, furious that it seems someone is always one step
ahead of them, as if they knew what they were going to do before they do it. He tears up Pappus's apartment
and nds note paper with the legend, Èdwin Lawton Investments'. Back at the oce, Laura studies the
taped messages on the Mystery Bu's Hotline. Steele calls, informing Laura that he thinks he's found Lucas.
At the golf course, Steele (as Johnny Todd) has Lawton paged, whom Rocky recognizes as Eddie Lucas.
He tells Rocky to go back to Laura's apartment and lock the door, but not after Lucas gets a good look at
her. Steele tells Lucas he knows about the scheme and blackmails him for $50,000, the money to be dropped
at Rocky's apartment.
At Rocky's apartment, Laura and Steele wait for Eddie to arrive. Miss Marple arrives, and Laura
unmasks her as Agnes Fowler. Laura explains that there were no messages from Miss Marple on the answering
machine tape|because she was the one who was picking up the messages. Agnes wants to avenge her father's
death, and was forced to kill Winston when he was about to produce the licence plate. Lucas calls, saying
that he's tied up at the oce and asks Steele to come by. But he's really waiting outside the door to Rocky's
apartment. Steele realizes that the next person to step out the door is going to get shot, and Agnes runs
out, so that her death will vindicate her father. Lucas shoots her, then Laura and Steele disarm Lucas.
Back at the oce, Holmes, Watson, and Marlowe invite Rocky to sing at their Mystery Bu's Ball.
They leave with her, and Laura comes in, clutching a le. She had Mildred check out the local orists and
turned up a bill for $3000, charged to the agency, signed by Steele. Mildred comes in with more owers, and
Steele insists he didn't send them. Laura just smiles knowingly.
Movies:
Death Race 2000
The Big Sleep, Bogart.
Notes:
Attention to detail: Notice the bruise over Laura's left eye the day after the struggle with Pappus.
91
92
Third Season (1984{1985)
Remington Steele
Starring
and
Also starring
Doris Roberts [as Mildred Krebs]
Musical score by Richard Lewis Warren*
Created by
Executive Producer
Michael Gleason
* Except in the episode Gourmet Steele, in which the musical score was written by Arthur Kempel.
Remington Steele received one Emmy nomination: Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
(Doris Roberts).
93
45
Je Melvoin
09/25/84 10p
03/26/85 10p
Steele At It
4707
Don Weis
Laura is ready for romance as the third season opens on the French Riviera. Steele, however,
is involved with a Frenchwoman and linked to a theft, and to Laura, these are situations
equally compromising. Filmed on location.
Inspector Vouray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Andre Maranne
Henri Lebret . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jacques Maury
Freddie Smith . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mark Burns
Joelle Lebret . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Marianne Lawrence
Ron? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bob Sherman
Lieutenant? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Claude le Sache
While Laura performs with the Stanford University Alumni Glee Club in Cannes, Steele breaks into a
hotel and steals a jewel-encrusted dagger. He discards a black dickey, and escapes on a motorcycle. During
intermission, Laura condes in Mildred that \tonight's the night" she and Steele are going to take the big
step, except Steele doesn't know it yet. Ron (the choir director) asks Laura to dinner, but she turns him
down politely. Meanwhile, Steele and a mystery woman kiss, and she leaves on her own motorcycle with
the dagger. Steele just arrives at the end of the concert, and Laura suspects he wasn't in attendance. Ron
reluctantly escorts Mildred to the reception.
At the reception, they meet Inspector Vouray, who is honored to be in the presence of the great Remington Steele. When Vouray is called away, Laura oers to leave early, and Steele agrees. But Vouray informs
them that the Hapsburg Dagger has been stolen and asks Steele to help with the investigation, who very
reluctantly agrees. At the scene of the crime, Vouray (lighting his pipe) tosses a matchstick into a garbage
pail which lands on the dickey. Steele hides it, but Laura nds it and starts drawing several conclusions,
to Steele's dismay. Back at the hotel, Laura invites herself into Steele's room, hinting strongly. But in the
room is the mystery woman who rushes to Steele and hugs him.
Steele talks to the mystery woman (Joelle) and her father Henri at their place. Henri explains he got
hit on the head and when he awoke, the dagger was stolen. Steele realizes he's in a major bind, enlisted
by Vouray to solve the very crime he committed, and with Laura turning up evidence left and right. As if
things couldn't get worse, three gun-toting tough guys barge in.
The next morning, Laura rings Steele's hotel room, but nobody answers. Vouray tells Laura that the
motorcycle they found was rented to a John Roby. Vouray leaves, and Ron and Mildred arrive. Ron asks
Laura to a harbor cruise, but Laura ooads him on Mildred. Outside, Laura recognizes the name John
Roby and sees Steele running for his life along the beach. She joins him as they steal a boat are are followed
by the Pallermo brothers. Laura tells Steele the game is up, and Steele stalls while he plans their escape. He
abandons the boat, using Laura's purse to tie the steering wheel in place so the Pallermo brothers continue
to follow it. They swim ashore, and Laura attacks him, furious. Steele promises, no more tricks, and takes
Laura to see the Lebrets.
Steele explains he and Henri were smugglers. Henri then opened a hotel in Cannes, which became
known for being discreet about its visitors. The sale of the Hapsburg dagger was to take place there, but the
Pallermo brother got wind of it, so Steele agreed to steal the dagger rst, then return it after the Pallermo
brothers left. And Laura's invitation for the Glee Club European tour coincided beautifully. The Pallermo
brothers now think Steele has the dagger, which he doesn't. Henri commends Laura on her dedication to
her partner. She corrects him, \Ex-partner. When this case is nished, so are we."
They two leave the hotel, but Laura refuses to talk to him. Laura explains that she's only doing this
to save her own career. To get Mildred out of their hair, Steele tells her to play baccarat on his personal
line of credit. They argue about their so-called partnership, and Laura decides that mixing business and
pleasure was a bad idea. Steele sees the Beau Geste and realizes that Freddie Smith is behind the theft.
They narrowly escape getting hit by car, and follow, rst in a taxi, then on a tandem bicycle. But the bicycle
has no brakes, and they land in a vegetable cart. Laura hears on the walkie-talkie that a warrant has been
put out for Steele's arrest, and they make a run for it.
At the casino, Mildred is ying high, and takes a call from Laura and Steele for equipment. The pair
swim on board the Beau Geste, with evening clothes under their wetsuits, and join the party. Laura keeps
Freddie occupted while Steele pokes around his stateroom. Freddie and Laura come in, and Steele hides in
94
the bathroom. Laura sees Steele and starts kissing Freddie madly, keeping him distracted until Steele gets
out. Steele knocks on the door and tells Freddie that there's trouble on deck. Steele breaks into Freddie's
safe, while he and Laura continue to argue. Freddie returns, and Laura keeps him busy again until Steele
can get out. As Laura and Steele swim ashore, Freddie realizes that the dagger is missing.
When they arrive on shore, the Pallermo brothers are waiting for them and take the dagger. The
Pallermo brother leave, but machine gun re is heard, a jeep scurries o, and Laura and Steele nd their
dead bodies. Laura nds matchsticks by the bodies.
They pay an angry visit to Vouray and tell him they know who has the dagger. Laura explains that
whoever it is must have lots of contacts, and access to wiretap equipment. Vouray leaves to fetch a notepad,
and he pulls a gun, but Laura and Steele have their own guns trained on him. Steele recovers the dagger
while Laura explains how Vouray learned of the entire situation from his wiretaps and wanted the money
for himself as a comfortable retirement benet. The lieutenant arrives to take Vouray away. But as they're
leaving, the lieutenant tells them, \That's my car, over there." The car is the one that ran them down
earlier. Steele throws the dagger at Vouray and disarms the lieutenant.
At the hotel, Steele savors his rst nder's fee, but nds out that Mildred ran up a casino tab of 224,000
francs. Steele reluctantly hands over the nder's fee. Out on the balcony, Laura admits that they make
a great investigating team, but it's when the relationship turns to more than business that trouble starts.
Steele agrees, to Laura's relief, and predicts it'll last only a week.
Movies:
The Maltese Falcon
To Catch a Thief, Cary Grant, Grace Kelly, Paramount 1955.
Beau Geste
Goldnger, Sean Connery, Gert Frobe, United Artists 1964.
Notes:
Continuity fun: The lips and audio don't match when the Glee Club sings I've Got Plenty of Nothing.
95
46
Brad Kern
10/02/84 10p
04/16/85 10p
Lofty Steele
4703
Burt Brinckerho
When Laura refuses to believe a ruse to get her out of her apartment for a while, she's
drugged and kidnapped so her loft can be searched for something hidden in the walls.
Charly Thomas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gregg Henry
Burt Dixon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joe Lambie
Mr. Putnam . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ron O'Neal
Lester Bartholomew . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Armin Shimerman
Mr. Matthews . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James David Hinton
Miss Livermore . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Susan Ruttan
Miss Martin? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anita Dangler
Cecil Cosgrove . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Raye Birk
Receptionist? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Carmen Filpi
Helga? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kelly Ann Conn
We see a man released from jail, and he heads straight for Laura's loft. Laura comes home and he claims
to be the electrician. Laura asks to see his work order and checks her jewelry box; nothing is missing. When
she comes back to the main room, the man is gone. Outside, a dierent man checks Laura's name on her
mailbox as Steele arrives to pick her up for a `Save the Whales' fundraiser. Before they leave, Laura talks
to the manager, Mr. Thomas, a robotics nut. But he says he knows nothing about any work order and says
perhaps the corporation sent him. Laura sends Steele on ahead while she changes into an evening dress and
goes to the managing corporation. After Laura exchanges some harsh words with the clerk, Mr. Matthews
steps forward. He notes that there have been robberies in the neighborhood recently, and oers to put up
Laura in a hotel if she wants. Laura says that isn't necesary.
Matthews visits a school classroom where he talks to Mr. Dixon at a parent-teacher day. He tells Dixon
that they followed Cosgrove to the loft, and Dixon says he waited 2.5 years for the papers. Matthews
understands.
Laura and Steele return from the fundraiser, and Laura talks to Lester Bartholomew, the downstairs
tenant, about the recent robbery, but he just slams the door in their faces. They return to Laura's loft,
where Steele checks the windows and closets, and notes how it's curious that Laura's is the only loft that
was broken into. Steele oers to spend the night on the couch, but Laura insists she can take care of herself,
thanks the same. Once Steele leaves, a man comes up from behind her and kidnaps her.
It's nearly 10am, and Laura hasn't come in to work yet, so Steele goes to her loft to see what is up.
Laura is in the mental ward at New Horizons Hospital and she manages to escape through the ventilation
ducts and get to a phone to call Mildred before she is found out. Mildred realizes she must rescue Laura
herself. Meanwhile, Steele nds Laura's car still parked by her apartment and wanders into her loft, where
two people dash out. He tries to follow them and narrowly escapes being run over. Mildred arrives at the
hospital and rescues Laura in a messy escape.
Steele pokes around Laura's loft to nd holes in the walls everywhere. The mystery man bashes Steele
on the head from behind and escapes as Laura arrives (with Bartholomew, who is mighty upset). While
Laura changes into more appropriate dress, Bartholomew returns with the other tenants, and a petition to
have Laura evicted. But their unpleasantries are interrupted by a re. Charly and Steele go down into the
basement to see why the sprinklers aren't working, while the rest go out the re escape. Steele wrests with
the valve while Charly escapes. Outside, Laura asks Charly where Steele is, and he can only shake his head.
The re is out, and Laura goes into the basement to look for Steele. The re chief notes that it was
a good thing Steele got the sprinklers going before he. . . Laura nds Steele in a coal chute. The re chief
notes that the valve was intentionally jammed shut.
Steele suspects that whoever did it is after something in Laura's loft, and Laura is determined to nd
out who the previous tenant was. Meanwhile, Bartholomew blames the events of the day on Laura and
Steele, and he and Steele exchange some unkind words.
Laura is given the runaround, but she eventually (and exasperatedly) talks to Mr. Dixon, the president.
He lets Laura see the le of the previous tenant: a company owned by Cecil Cosgrove.
Laura presents Steele with her information, but Steele already has it. He used the ngerprints on the
vase that Cosgrove used to bash him on the head. Apparently, Cosgrove was jailed for embezzling over
96
$1 million, and was released yesterday. Laura identies the electrician as Cosgrove, and Steele suspects he
came back to retrieve the money. Laura and Steele go to the loft, only to see Cosgrove taken away, dead.
Back at the oce, Mildred digs up more background. Cosgrove's money hasn't yet turned up. Even
more strangely, Cosgrove's company was intentionally run into the ground by its owner, Econocon Oil.
Creative bookeeping let Econocon make a prot on the entire undertaking. Laura suspects that the key to
the case is still in the loft.
Since the loft is cordoned o, they enlist Mildred to distract the police while they break in. They
bump into Bartholomew, who admits that he's not a writer (as he always claimed) but a stock analyst. He
pretended to be a writer hoping he'd make friends, but it didn't help. Laura and Steele continue up the
stairs to her loft, where they see Dixon and Matthews remove an envelope from her walls. They attack
them and get away with the envelope, hiding in Charly's room. Laura realizes it was Dixon who was the
embezzler, and he pinned it on Cosgrove. Cosgrove went quietly to jail so he could blackmail Dixon when
he got out. Steele uses Charly's robots to disarm and distract them so he and Laura can subdue them.
The next day, Laura, Steele and Mildred help clean up the loft while recaping the case. The envelope
contained an audit that Cosgrove commissioned which proved that Dixon was behind the scheme. The
tenants (sans Bartholomew) stop by and apologize, saying that it was all Bartholomew's idea. Laura sticks
up for him and goes down to pay a visit. She knocks on the door and says hello, but Bartholomew just slams
the door in her face.
Movies:
Moby Dick (three versions)
The Great Escape, Steve McQueen, James Garner, United Atists 1963.
Notes:
Even though this is a third season episode, it uses the second season intro.
Cosgrove nds a picture of Laura and Abby from Sting of Steele.
Having Mildred dress as a bag lady is an underhanded reference to Doris Roberts' Emmy-winning
performance of same in St. Elsewhere. (St. Elsewhere and Remington Steele were both produced by MTM.)
97
47
John Wirth
10/16/84 10p
06/04/85 10p
Maltese Steele
4713
Seymour Robbie
While searching for a missing body on the island of Malta, Laura and Steele acquire a
seemingly insignicant piece of brass that could be the key to a legendary treasure|or it
could get them killed. [Filmed on location.]
Margaret Cable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Susan Penhaligon
Edvard Jensen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Frederick Jaegar
Newton Borg-Ward . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Malcom
Hector Tolouse? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Derek Beneld
Benjamin Carlisle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ian Tyler
Wallace Carlisle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bruce Boa
The burglar alarm at a museum rings, and a man is chased by the security. He attaches an artifact to
a falcon's leg and lets it go. When the security guard arrives, he bites a poison capsule and dies. After the
guard leaves, a woman comes in and the man gets up; it was a fake capsule. \The guy thought I was dead."
\The guy was right." She shoots him. \You are dead."
Wallace Carlisle hires Laura and Steele to nd his nephew Benjamin (whom we recognize as the dead
man from the opening) in Malta. He received a casket containing what was claimed to be his nephew's body,
but it was the wrong body. Laura and Steele (and Mildred) y to Malta with the con. As Mildred argues
with the customs inspector, a distinguished gentleman watches. Steele accuses Laura of bringing Mildred
along as a buer between them, but Laura insists Mildred is an asset. The only transport they can manage
is a horse-drawn cart. As they travel through town, Laura snaps photos while the townspeople lavish them
with food.
They go to the town mortician who refuses that there was a paperwork botch. While they talk to him,
Hector steals the body. Laura and Steele give chase on foot. Hector takes the artifact from the body, but
Steele catches up and a ght ensues. Hector makes a run for it, but is hit by a car, driven by. . . the woman
from the opening.
Margaret is distressed that she hit Hector, and she breaks down crying and Steele consoles her. In the
background, the distinguished gentleman watches. Steele has the artifact (which he doesn't yet recognize as
an artifact) and wonders why Hector wanted it. The nd the name of the dead man and make plans to visit
his grave that evening, hoping to nd Benjamin's body.
In the hotel lobby, Margaret is distraught and Steele comforts her. She irts with him, and he returns the
favor. Mildred comes down to nd a drink for her, courtesy of the distinguished gentleman, who introduces
himself as Edvard Jensen. He sweet-talks her, and Mildred is smitten. Laura arrives, sees Steele with
Margaret and Mildred with Edvard, and realizes she's out of place. After introductions all around, Steele
suggests they all have dinner together. Margaret and Edvard privately argue over the disposition of the
treasure.
After dinner, Laura and Steele go to the graveyard, followed independently by Margaret and Edvard.
They open the con; there is no body. Steele recognizes the artifact as a piece of a Maltese cross. The
caretaker arrives and shots are red (by Margaret and Edvard).
Laura and Steele turn in for the night (into separate rooms). Margaret visits Steele's room, scared for
her life. Steele shows her the artifact, and she starts to cozy up to Steele. She sees Edvard outside the
window, and as they kiss, she pulls a gun out of her purse. But before she can do anything more, we hear
Laura scream. Somebody tried to strangle her, and Steele's arrival scared him away. Laura is furious that
Steele was entertaining a guest while she was nearly murdered.
The next day, Laura and Steele go to the museum and realize that the artifact is the fourth arm to the
Maltese Cross, the key to the legendary treasure of the Knights of Malta. Laura notices that the museum
piece looks much newer than the artifact, and the curator condes that the real cross was stolen two weeks
ago. Meanwhile, Edvard accuses Margaret of double-crossing him, and claims that he's running the show
now.
Laura and Steele talk to the museum security guard who tells the story we saw at the beginning of the
show. Meanwhile, Mildred and Edvard take a romantic stroll. Laura and Steele nd a note on Mildred's
pillow: \Unless you turn over the missing cross to me, you will never see Mildred Krebs alive again. (signed)
Carlisle."
98
Laura and Steele deliver the cross and nd instructions to tie it to the falcon and release it. Laura
admits that she brought Mildred along as a buer, and once the falcon is released, they follow in a carriage,
on moto-scooters, and scooter-boats, to an island castle. Meanwhile, Mildred opens Edvard's picnic basket
and nds it empty. She realizes that Edvard was only using her. Edvard unties the cross from the falcon
and pulls a gun, but Laura and Steele arrive in time to distract him and they give chase. He turns a corner,
and we hear a gunshot. He staggers back, then falls dead. Margaret appears with a gun and takes the cross
from Steele. Laura tells Margaret that Carlisle double-crossed her; her cross is a fake. Edvard tries to shoot
Margaret, but Steele saves her.
Laura and Steele follow the map to a cave, nd a secret panel, use the cross as a key, and nd a secret
room. Their hearts pounding, they nd a note: \Well done, chaps, but too late. (signed) Sir Floyd Thursby,
December 4, 1884."
Movies:
The Third Man, Joseph Cotten, Orson Welles, London Films 1949.
The Maltese Falcon
99
Second Base Steele
4705
48
Rick Mittleman
Don Weis
10/23/84 10p Steele and Laura go undercover at an adult baseball camp when a reunion of high-school
04/23/85 10p athletes is plagued by a series of \accidents". Hall of Famers Mickey Mantle and Whitey
Ford appear as themselves.
Jake Crowley . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Louis Giambalvo
Ralph Kelsey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael McManus
Doc Gridley . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Marco St. John
Slats Kittridge . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lionel Smith
Margie Kelsey? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Patricia McCormack
Vera Woodman? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Elizabeth Baur
Himself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mickey Mantle
Himself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Whitey Ford
Sam Woodman? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James Ingersoll
Chubby Bitterman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Fred Applegate
Ralph Kelsey hires the agency to investigate a series of accidents at an adult baseball camp. Steele poses
as Brendan Saint-James from England, and Laura as Mickie Boggs. The players are upset that a woman
is joining them, but Miss Zugsmith (Mildred) tells them a lawsuit is coming if they don't play ball. Steele
joins in the razzing. At practice, Laura does well, Steele less so. Afterwards in the locker room, Steele tries
to convince Laura that his crude comments are purely for cover.
Laura thanks the coach for letting them go undercover, and he shows her the fallen lamp: The bolts
were cut. Steele talks to Slats and learns the Kelsey paid everyone's way. At the gym, Laura and Steele
compare notes and Laura narrowly escapes a falling mirror, then wonders who the intended victim was.
Laura cozies up to Doc Gridley in the hot tub and manages only to learn that there might be some lingering
grudges. Steele sees Sam and Mrs. Margie Kelsey sharing a kiss.
At a nightclub, Steele and Laura join the Kelseys and Sam and Vera Woodman for drinks. The Kelseys
and Woodmans are old friends; in fact, Margie and Sam were once married, as were Vera and Ralph. Laura
and Steele try to hide their surprise. Mildred digs up that Chubby borrowed $250,000 from Ralph to start
a business, which went belly-up.
The team review lms of practice, and Ralph gets upset and leaves. We learn that twenty years ago,
Ralph and Slats collided under a pop y, and Ralph was injured, ending his career. Kelsey takes batting
practice to let o steam, and Laura and Steele note that Kelsey has a grudge against everyone, and the
baseball camp was his idea in the rst place. But they nd his dead body in the batting cage. Laura and
Steele convince Jake to let them solve the case, and Steele learns (the hard way) that the killer pitch was
a doctored ball lled with buckshot. Laura sees Maggie and Sam kissing and confronts her in her room.
Maggie admits to adultery, but not murder. She couldn't divorce Ralph because she couldn't live without
his money. Laura notes that Maggie can now have the best of both worlds.
Over lunch, Laura and Steele try to narrow the suspects but only manage to enlarge the list. Mildred
digs up that Ralph sued Doc Gridley for malpractice. At the gym, Chubby is wheezing on the exercycle,
and Laura and Steele talk to Doc. Doc says he's gotten over Ralph's lawsuit and proposes that Chubby had
great motive. His loan from Ralph was secured with only a handshake. No Ralph, no $250,000 to repay.
Doc leaves, and Chubby calls for help. They shut o the cycle and Laura observes that the stirrup was bent;
the next person to use it would've gotten stuck.
They return to Laura's room and Laura observes that her purse has been moved, so someone knows
that they are not who they appear to be. (She has a photo of Steele in her purse.) Meanwhile, an unseen
person takes a hacksaw to St. James' bat.
The last day of the camp, the team plays a game against retired pros, and Laura promises Jake that the
case will be solved by the end of the game. (\I work best under pressure.") Laura gives Mildred the master
key to the motel rooms which Jake gave her, and asks her to go through all the rooms. Laura's plan is that
the killer is the one who tries to kill them. Steele nds this unreassuring. While Steele is up to bat, Mildred
shows Laura some papers she found: They're receipts for the raw materials for an explosive. Unfortunately,
Mildred doesn't remember whose room it came from. Laura sees that Steele's bat has been doctored and
tells him his bat is loaded with explosives. After Steele strikes out, Laura has a plan. Steele explains that
Laura took his bat. But Laura yells that she doesn't like it and tosses it towards the dugout. Sam dives for
100
cover then realizes he's been set up. Vera scoops him up with a golf cart, but Steele tosses the explosive bat
to stop them.
At the oce, our sleuths recap the case. Vera and Sam's plan was for him to divorce Vera, marry Margie
for her inheritance, then kill Margie and return to Vera.
Movies:
That Championship Season, Robert Mitchum, Bruce Stern, Cannon Films 1982.
And Then There Were None, Barry Fitzgerald, Walter Huston
The Alphabet Murders, Tony Randall, Robert Morley
Fear Strikes Out
Pride of the Yankees
Notes:
The incidental music sounds like a cross between Mozart's overtures to The Magic Flute and The
Marriage of Figaro.
101
Blue Blooded Steele
4701
49
John Pashdag and Brady Westwater
Burt Brinckerho
10/30/84 10p Laura doesn't know it, but Steele stands to inherit an English title and its fortune|and
04/30/85 10p lose his life|thanks to Daniel Chalmers. Stephanie's father Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. reprises
the role of Steele's former \business associate".
Gwen Whitewood . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Merete Van Kamp
Judge Penhaligon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Byrd
Nanny Perkins . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Irene Tedrow
Angus Whitewood? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Maurice Roeves
Archie Whitewood . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Fox-Brenton
Passenger #1? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Grant Hayward
Fred Bloggs? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nelson Wench
Armstrong . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sandy Helberg
Stewardess? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Isabel Grandin
Steele's morning routine is interrupted by a surprise visit from his criminal mentor Daniel Chalmers,
who invites him to pose as Reginald Whitewood, long-lost son of the recently deceased Duke of Rutherford.
While Steele tells Daniel he wants no part of it, somebody starts taking shots at them. Daniel explains that
other cousins want to kill Reggie before the investiture, for once the new duke is instated, they don't get a
cent. Steele agrees to go along only to extricate Daniel from his ne mess. There is a knock at the door, and
Steele hides Daniel in his bedroom. It's Laura, and Steele says he's just heard that Daniel has been taken
seriously ill and he must go to London to comfort him. Laura is supportive and asks to accompany him, but
Steele insists he must go alone, doing his best to keep her from nding Daniel hiding in the closet.
Laura kisses Steele good-bye at the airport, but her demeanor changes when she sees Chalmers (healthy
as ever) and Steele leaving together. She calls Mildred and buys a ticket on the plane, but when the plane
lands, she gets stuck in customs because she doesn't have her passport. So she pays a passenger to follow
Steele. At the estate, Daniel introduces `Reggie' to his cousins Gwen, Angus and Archie. Steele insists he's
not Reginald Whitewood, but they just laugh at his droll sense of humor. Meanwhile, Mildred arrives at the
airport and gives Laura her passport.
Steele tells Daniel it makes no sense that they'd welcome him, since his very presence means they don't
get any money. What he doesn't know is that his conversation with Daniel is being spied upon. Steele is
even more disturbed to learn that the executor of the will is the very harsh Judge Penhaligon, and Steele
realizes that if Penhaligon \catches one whi of a fraud, he'll lock us up and throw away the key!"
Laura is part of a tour group at the estate, who are introduced to Fred Bloggs, the groundskeeper.
Meanwhile, when Penhaligon says that Daniel's supporting documents are irrefutable, Steele gures some
minor alterations should get him o the hook. Laura confronts Steele, who tries to explain that he's trying
to prove that he's not the duke, though Laura is skeptical of his honesty, given what happened in Cannes.
Their conversation is interrupted by a knight in armor who runs them down. Laura's plan is to let Steele
continue playing the Duke so they can trap the killer.
That evening, Gwen cozies up to Steele, but is interrupted by the arrival of Myrtle Groggins (Laura),
gum-chewing ancee of the `Duke', and her mother Mildred. At dinner, Gwen privately expresses her
disapproval and tries to irt with Steele. Reggie's Nanny arrives and asks him questions about his childhood.
Steele makes up answers, and she buys it, much to the amazement and relief of Laura, Daniel and Steele
himself.
Later that evening, Laura talks to Daniel. Daniel says that Steele wouldn't have come if he didn't want
to go through with the scheme, and suggests that Laura's resourcefulness could be a great criminal asset
and they can work as a trio. Either way, he insists that Steele is coming with him. Laura visits Steele, but
they are interrupted by a visit from Nanny, so Laura hides in the closet. Nanny gives Reggie his teddy bear
then leaves. Then Archie arrives with a glass of wine. Angus with a shot of malt. And Gwen with milk and
cookies. Steele notices that she's limping, and she attributes it to a riding accident. While Laura watches
from the closet, Gwen starts to cozy up to Steele again, and (at Laura's prompting), Steele escorts Gwen to
the door. Laura hears ticking, and Steele tears apart the teddy bear and nds nothing. Laura sees that the
bed has been moved and pushes Steele out of the way of a falling chandelier.
102
Laura and Steele run to the attic. The ticking sound was a timer that controlled the chandelier's fall.
They nd a hidden passage, which leads to Gwen's bathtub, where she is enjoying a bubble bath. Then
a scream rings out, and Laura and Steele nd Angus dead. Apparently, someone poisoned the drink he
brought to Reggie. In Steele's room, he thanks Laura for saving him, and they discuss why he's staying
around.
They break into the safe and read the late Duke's will. It says that the money goes to Reggie, but
if Reggie is dead, then the money goes equally between the three cousins and the Foundation to Save the
Sussex Speckled Blue Buttery. Upon the Duke's death, the search for Reggie must go on for twenty years
before the money devolves to the above heirs. This explains why everyone is so anxious to kill Steele. Laura
and Steele suspect Gwen. As a parting gesture, Steele doctors the documents to prove that he isn't Reggie.
The next morning, Chalmers levels his accusation at Archie, though his logic seems shaky. Archie
stands up in anger, and a crossbow mysteriously res, hitting Archie in the back. It would've hit Steele if
Archie hadn't stood up. The arrow was rigged with a timer, so anyone could've done it. While Mildred
calms Nanny's nerves, Laura and Steele break into the Foundation, where they found that coincident with
the notication that the Foundation was part of the Duke's will was the arrival of an Elizabeth Perkins who
within 18 months became president. Laura and Steele realize that Nanny Perkins is culprit.
The Gardener appears and pulls a gun, escorting Mildred, Daniel, and Gwen to the mulcher. A struggle
ensues, and Steele arrives to save Daniel from being turned into mulch, and Laura disarms Nanny Perkins.
Penhaligon arrives ready for the investiture ceremony. Steele realizes that Daniel un-altered the documents.
He conrms with Penhaligon that without the documents, there is no way to prove that he is the heir, and
tosses them into the mulcher.
Steele tells Daniel he isn't going to Paris with him; he has a new life in Los Angeles. Laura arrives to
leave with Steele, and Gwen comes in and asks Daniel, \I say, Daniel, did you get the tickets from him?"
Movies:
The Fuller Brush Man, Red Skelton, Janet Blair, Columbia 1948.
Notes:
The entrance of Mildred Groggins is precious.
The ending (a catapult narrowly misses Steele and Laura as they leave) makes no sense.
103
Steele Your Heart Away
4711
50
Brian Clemens
Seymour Robbie
11/13/84 10p Laura is summoned to Ireland to help an amnesiac Steele remember who he is, what brought
09/03/85 10p him to Ireland, and why somebody wants to kill him. Filmed on location.
Mrs. Armdale . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Marie Conmee
Flanagan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Chris O'Neill
Willard Skeggs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Frank Kelly
Dr. Tulliver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tom Jordon
Mr. Carter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Seamus Fords
Steele wakes up from a dream about an Irish funeral, with music and dancing. He nds a watch in
his hand, which plays When Irish Eyes Are Smiling when opened, and a dead man lying next to him.
Meanwhile, Mrs. Armdale tells Willard that \We can't allow one intruder alter our plans." Steele wanders
confused from the cinema (where he sees a sign for \A Day at the Races") to the docks, followed by Willard
(with a gun). Steele calls to a shipworker asking after Orson Welles, then falls into the water.
Laura and Mildred arrive at an Irish hospital upon receiving a telegram from Dr. Tulliver. The problem
is that Steele has amnesia, and Laura's was the only name they found on his person. The doctor asks her
to tell him about his early life, but Laura (obviously) can't help there. When Steele learns that he's the
head of the agency and Laura is his employee, he starts getting obnoxious (and slyly lustful) like he was in
the rst season. All Steele can remember is that there is a major crime that must be stopped. Laura leaves
to fetch Mildred and bumps into Willard delivering medicine. Mildred wants to clonk Steele on the head to
restore his memory. Laura notices that Willard had dirty ngernails and returns to stop Steele from being
poisoned.
Laura and Mildred take Steele to a hotel, followed by Willard. While Mildred cleans up, Laura tells
tells Steele about their `business arrangement'. Steele gets a vision, but it's a scene from Casablanca. Laura
spots a ticket stub stuck to bottom of Steele's shoe, and they go to the Bijou Cinema. Willard reports to
Mrs. Armdale that the man they want is Remington Steele. She tells Willard to nd out how much Steele
knows, then kill him. At the cinema, Steele nds a Casablanca sign, and a dead body falls from the closet.
Two bobbies come in and arrest them. \The inspector was right. He said you'd come back to dispose of the
body." They are handcued together and taken away.
They are taken through the countryside and Steele realizes that they're not the police. So when the
police car stops at train crossing, they make their escape. The get away (after some close calls) and hide in
a hayloft. Steele makes another pass at her, then he nds his musical watch, with the inscription, \To S.J.
From K.L." Steele recites a line from Gone with the Wind (though he doesn't know why), and they discover
a horse in the stable with them. Steele starts to remember, something to do with horses and a man named
Flanagan.
Mrs. Armdale bemoans the fate of Armdale Stables since her husband's death, and tells Willard to keep
Clancy and Foster following \Steele and the girl." Laura and Steele visit Flanagan, who lls them on on
O'Flynn's funeral party, and explains that Steele was here on account of the watch. And the letter that
went with it, which reads, \Your father wanted you to have this. (signed) Patrick O'Rourke." Flanagan gets
them out of cus and explains that O'Rourke moved onto Dublin and open the Bijou Cinema. Laura nds a
newspaper and realizes why Steele was babbling about Citizen Kane : The lead story is \Xanadu racehorse
to run at Curragh." And the horse is the one that they found in the stable.
As they go back to the hayloft in Flanagan's jalopy, Laura gures out that Steele came to Ireland to
nd his father, and she is pleased at his new vulnerability. Steele realizes the \A Day at the Races" placard
was a clue, and they go to the racetrack, where the nd that Xanadu has been scratched. Mrs. Armdale
talks to Mr. Carter, who explains the the horse was taken mildly ill, nothing exciting. She tells him that
`they' want 8 million, \Otherwise we never see Xanadu alive again." Laura and Steele nd a horse truck
labelled \The Armdale Racing Assocation" (TARA) and follow it in a `borrowed' car.
At the Armdale residence, Mrs. Armdale toasts to their success. Laura and Steele snoop around, nd
Xanadu, and escape with him in a horse-drawn carriage as Mrs. Armdale and Willard follow in a pickup.
The carriage goes over a bump, and Steele bumps his head, so Laura takes the reins. Steele wakes up, and
the sly grin is back. Laura shoos sheep onto the road and the pickup truck goes into a ditch.
104
The police take Mrs. Armdale and Willard into custody. Flanagan says he's found Patrick O'Rourke.
Laura and Steele drive to the house, from which music emanates. Laura lets Steele go in alone. Steele goes
in and nds a funeral party, as he dreamed, and the dead man is Patrick O'Rourke, whom Steele recognizes
as the dead man in the cinema. Steele emerges from the house, disappointed. Laura comforts him, and they
go home.
Movies:
Citizen Kane, Orson Welles, Joseph Cotten, RKO 1941
A Day at the Races, Marx Brothers
Laura, Dana Andrews, Gene Tierney.
Casablanca
Wait Until Dark, Audrey Hepburn, Alan Arkin, Warner Brothers 1967.
The Thirty-Nine Steps, Hitchcock, Robert Donat, Madeleine Carroll
Gone with the Wind
Notes:
did.
How many people screamed \The 39 Steps" when Laura and Steele were handcued together? Well, I
105
51
Brad Kern
11/20/84 10p
05/21/85 10p
A Pocketful of Steele
4721
Harry Harris
Steele's pockets are picked by a streetwise lad who unknowingly grabs evidence in a loansharking case, putting his life in danger.
Jackie Crawford . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Meeno Peluce
Mr. Schwimmer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ray Wise
Lowell McKenzie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jerry Hardin
Larry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jack Murdock
Leroy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rony Clanton
Lieutenant? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Steven Williams
Miss Conover? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Laura Esterman
Thelma? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Penny Stanton
Bus driver? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jack Thibeau
Landlady? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Paula Victor
A businessman gets a package from Styles, then poisons him. The next day, Laura and Steele go to see
their client, a bank ocial who hired them to investigate a loan sharking case. They confront Schwimmer
(the businessman) but when it comes time to present the evidence, Steele realizes that his pockets have been
picked. Schwimmer goes outside for a breath of fresh air and hires Larry, a wandering pickpocket.
Laura and Steele go to a bowling alley where Thelma (the cleaning lady) identies the pickpocket as
Jackie Crawford and tells Steele where he can nd him. They go to a seedy hotel in a run-down part of town
and nd Jackie, who sneaks out the re escape while his `family' run interference. Steele sees through the
act, to Laura's amazement. Steele watches Jackie work a mark in a hotel lobby and nabs him, asking for
the photos. Jackie doesn't give in, so Steele brings Jackie to the security guard. But Jackie put the lifted
wallet in Steele's pocket, and it is Steele who is arrested.
Laura bails out Steele, and goes to see Styles, while Steele and Mildred work Jackie's hotel. Mildred
lets her credit cards get lifted so that Steele can follow the thief to the local fence. There he waits for Jackie.
At Styles' apartment, Laura nds him dead, then is interrupted by a cop who takes her in for interrogation.
Steele accosts Jackie, who makes a run for it, into the hotel and his `family' get into place. But Steele is
waiting for Jackie as he climbs down the re escape.
At the police station, the lieutenant tells Laura she isn't leaving until she identies her client, who might
have something to do with the murder. Laura calls Miss Conover, who refuses to allow her identity to be
revealed. Steele brings Jackie to his apartment, cuts through his sob story, and eventually gets through to
him (from personal experience), and Jackie agrees to fetch the pictures. But when he goes to the hotel,
Jackie's arrested, and Steele tries to explain that he didn't rat on him. Laura watches with a guilty look.
Steele is furious at Laura for having Jackie arrested, and she explains that she thought maybe the police
could get somewhere with him, unaware that Steele was making his own breakthrough. Laura and Steele
arrive at the police station, where Jackie has been bailed out by Larry. Steele wants to follow Jackie, but
Laura tells him to do some legwork to let o steam.
At the oce, Mildred has her report on the addresses Laura gave Steele. All of the electronic rms'
owners are dead or missing. Miss Conover and Mr. McKenzie come in. Steele asks Mildred to present the
information she learned: The loan sharking was used as a means to corner a portion of the electronics market.
Mr. McKenzie says he came because word is leaking out that his bank funded loan sharking, adding, \I'm
in desperate need of either a villain or a scapegoat." He gives Steele the rest of the day to produce a villain.
At the hotel, Larry asks Jackie for the photos and they'll split the reward money. Jackie hands over the
photos. Laura breaks into Jackie's room, and he nds her. Laura asks for the photos and tries to explain
that it her fault he was arrested. Jackie is mad (and sarcastic), and tells Laura he gave the pictures to Larry.
He says he needs no one, and escorts Laura to the door.
Schwimmer receives the photos from Larry, then poisons him. Steele arrives at the hotel, and Steele
notices that Larry's car is parked in front of the hotel, which means the meeting is at Larry's place. They
arrive to nd Larry dead. They see Schwimmer running away and follow him, then see him hit by a car,
dead. Steele is confused. \But he's our villain!"
Laura and Steele go to Jackie's room to nd it ransacked. Steele realizes that Jackie gave Larry the
photos, but the wrong negatives, so that he could negotiate directly with the buyer. Leroy tells them that
Jackie said he \found the mother lode" and he's at the bus depot.
106
After two hours of waiting, Laura, Steele, and Mildred nally spot Jackie, who sits down and reads a
magazine. Ninety minutes pass without incident; nally, Jackie gets up, talks to a guy at a vending machine,
then goes to a phone booth, places an envelope in the phone book, and makes a call, then sits back down.
The man goes to the phone booth and picks up the envelope. All converge on him, to nd the envelope
empty. The man explains that Jackie paid him $10 to do it.
The gang spot Jackie getting on board a bus, and he waves good-bye to them. He goes to a reserved
seat, removes an envelope of money, and replaces it with the negatives. He then gets o the bus (after a
scolding from the bus driver, since it was an express bus to Fresno). Jackie walks down the street, followed
by McKenzie. Laura and Steele force the bus to pull over and learn that Jackie was let o at Fifth and
Broadway. Jackie confronts McKenzie, who explains he was lost. Jackie lets him go, but McKenzie pulls a
gun. Laura and Steele return to Fifth and Broadway and wonder which way Jackie went. McKenzie explains
that he can't trust that Jackie didn't make any copies. Laura and Steele arrive in time to save Jackie.
At the bus depot, Laura and Steele admire the headline, \Banker Arrested for Murder". The pictures
tied McKenzie into the loan sharking operation. Steele explains how he knew which way Jackie went: It was
the path back to the hotel, \home, as it were." Jackie leaves (willingly) for juvenile camp, and he thanks
them. He returns with Steele's watch. But Steele knew he'd come back. Because Steele lifted his bus ticket.
Movies:
Boys' Town, Spencer Tracy, Mickey Rooney, MGM 1938.
Notes:
I'm not sure if I like it or not. I think not. The music was nice, though.
107
Puzzled Steele
4712
52
Brian Clemens, Dennis Spooner, and Je Melvoin (Je Melvoin)
Don Weis
11/27/84 10p What begins as a harmless competition between Laura and Steele to nd a missing journalist
07/23/85 10p becomes a deadly game of double identities. Filmed in the Mediterranean.
G. W. Whainright/Benjamin Applegate . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jack Hedley
Richard \The Colonel" Moreland . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tom Adams
Michael Banks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tony Vogel
Carlton Shepherd . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Brian Gwaspari
Smuggler? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Leon Lissek
In a high speed chase through the streets of Malta, Laura stops and realizes that there is something weird
about their case. A wall opens revealing that the entire case was an elaborate fabrication. A distinguished
gentleman identies himself as G. W. Whainright, British tycoon. He oers to hire them on a genuine case
at 3{1 odds on their $10,000 advance that they can't solve it in 48 hours. Mildred nds a newspaper report
on a missing journalist, Carlton Shepherd, but Laura refuses to play another game. When Steele oers to
play alone, Laura challenges him that she can nd Shepherd rst. Steele agrees to the wager: If Laura wins,
they return to Los Angeles. If Steele wins, they spend a week on the Mediterranean, \even if it kills me."
Laura sticks Steele with Mildred, and as they are about to set o, she harpoons Steele's raft. Laura
does legwork and eventually nds a lead. Steele and Mildred are several steps behind her and are getting
nowhere fast. So their plan changes: Instead of looking for Shepherd, they'll look for Laura. Laura paddles
into an alcove and talks to a bunch of grungy smugglers. She learns that Carlton bought a boat from them,
but as she tries to leave, the smugglers block her way and toss her about. Steele pops up from a cave with
his hand in his pocket, pretending to brandish a gun. But as they make their escape, he trips and reveals
that he didn't have a gun after all. They run for it and when they reach a dead end, dive into a cave lake.
\You are so lucky!" yells Laura as they surface in open waters. After a change of clothes on Whainright's
yacht, they set o again. Laura accidentally lets slip that Shepherd bought a boat, and when they arrive
ashore, Steele has Laura arrested for sinking his raft. Steele goes to a nautical chart shop and learns that
Shepherd bought a chart for a region owned by `The Colonel', an Englishman who lives a reclusive life and
(according to rumor) is soon to be married to a local girl; his real name is Robert Moreland.
In jail, Laura sees the same newspaper that Mildred got the case from, and notices the article on
Shepherd isn't in it. They've been set up yet again. She breaks out of jail and runs to Mildred, trying to
convince her that she really needs to talk to Steele, but Mildred just sends her on a wild goose chase. Steele
arrives in private waters and is chased out by a machine-gun ring helicopter.
At Moreland's residence, Anna prepares for the wedding and two henchmen inform Moreland that a
Laura Holt has been asking after Shepherd, and that the `Queen's Gambit 2' has appeared in the harbor.
Moreland says to himself, \He's here. After ten years. I thought he might have given up."
On board the yacht, Laura confronts Whainright with the phony article. When a boat pulls up and
opens re on them, Whainright admits, \I'm just a bloody actor!" He's really Benjamin Applegate, provincial
actor and part-time electrician. Laura manages to fend o the attackers with the aid of a are gun. In the
countryside, Steele spies on Moreland's castle. He is accosted by one of Moreland's men and is saved by
Michael Banks, who identies himself as Shepherd's cousin. Banks explains that Shepherd got caught up in
a dangerous story and is being held prisoner by Moreland, a former mercenary in Africa, who vanished with
a 400,000 pound booty.
Applegate explains that the real Whainright (a recluse) hired him for a tidy sum to play the game. His
instructions were to get Laura and Steele to nd Shepherd, then contact a certain address. At the castle,
Moreland beats Anna at a life-sized game of chess, then calls over his guards and tells them what to do
about Holt.
Laura, Mildred, and Applegate go to the address to nd that Whainright has comprehensive les
on them. Mildred nds a journal which tracks Shepherd's quest for `M'. The last entry is \Steele onto
something." Laura compares the case to a chess match, and Applegate reluctantly joins in when they see
the yacht blow up. That evening, Steele and Banks break in and rescue Shepherd. But Shepherd denies that
Michael is his cousin. Banks pulls a gun and introduces himself as G. W. Whainright.
Whainright forces Shepherd and Steele to do his bidding at gunpoint. He explains that he and Moreland
pulled o the robbery together, but Moreland stole his share and left him for dead. When he learned that
108
Shepherd vanished, he gured Shepherd got too close to Moreland and hired Steele to continue the search.
Meanwhile, Laura, Mildred, and Applegate try to sneak into Moreland's castle, but they are caught. They
are brought to Moreland, and Laura tells him that Whainright was not killed on the yacht; he's probably
still around here somewhere. Moreland explains what happened: While mercenaries in Africa, they plotted
to steal the payroll money. But Whainright shot two guards, and the army was after them. Even worse,
Whainright brought a South African girl along. They were ambushed, and she was killed. Whainright feels
Moreland was to blame for her death.
One of the guards comes in to inform Moreland that Shepherd has escaped. Moreland decides to take
matters into his own hands, pulls a gun, and takes Laura as a hostage. Outside, Laura gets away from
Moreland and runs for it, dodging gunre. Meanwhile, Whainright forces Steele to get up and draw away
gunre. Steele runs for it, dodging gunre. Laura and Steele bump into each other and join forces. They run
to the giant chessboard and shove chesspieces at the bad guys. Moreland arrives, gun poised, and Laura and
Steele subdue him by pushing the white king onto him. \Checkmate," notes Steele. Applegate, Mildred, and
Shepherd arrive, all ne. Only Whainright is unaccounted for. Laura realizes that Whainright is playing a
`Queen's Gambit'; the entire scheme is a distraction to get Anna.
In the castle, Whainright searches for Anna, who hides. He happens upon huddled gure, which
turns out to be Laura. Whainright is disarmed, and he explains that he originally wanted Moreland, but
changed his plans when he learned that Moreland was getting married, and wants get back at Moreland
for letting Kathleen die in Africa. Moreland appears, with a gun. Moreland accuses Whainright of being
too sentimental. In fact, Moreland killed Kathleen because she hampered their escape. Whainright attacks
Moreland, and they both fall to their deaths out the window.
Laura and Steele enjoy laziness on a romantic boat ride. Laura notes that they'd have solved the case
much sooner if they hadn't split up. \We're a team, and teams stick together." They politely argue over
who really solved the case rst.
Movies:
The Wizard of Oz, Judy Garland, Ray Bolger, MGM [1939].
Notes:
Writing botches: In the life-size chess game, the Colonel and Anna are seated next to each other. In
genuine chess matches, the opponents sit at opposite ends of the board. (Otherwise, the person playing black
is forced to look at the board from white's side.)
Technical botches: When the boat explodes, the lm holds for half-second before showing the explosion.
Musical notes: The chase music was in part borrowed from To Stop a Steele.
109
53
Je Melvoin
12/04/84 10p
06/11/85 10p
Cast in Steele
4720
Harry Harris
Dorothy Lamour, Virginia Mayo, and Lloyd Nolan hire Laura and Steele to nd out who's
behind the curious fan mail they received, not to mention the attempts on their lives that
followed.
Himself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lloyd Nolan
Herself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dorothy Lamour
Herself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Virginia Mayo
George Edward Mulch . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Constantine
Dr. Roger Chandler . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ron Harper
Morris Getz . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gerald Hiken
Ernest Templeton . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Calvin Bartlett
Julian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rex Ryon
Mildred visits Laura and Steele in the hospital and is surprised to nd Steele's arm and leg broken and
Laura in a neck brace and with a broken leg. They explain what happened. Through diligent PR work,
Laura arranged for Steele to be a presenter at the opening of the Hollywood Archives. After Steele presents
Virginia Mayo with her plaque, she vanishes into the crowd and Steele tries to track her down. He opens a
dressing room door and nds a man and woman inside, and back out apologetically. He nds Virginia Mayo
outside, where they are run down by a car.
But that isn't where Steele hurt his arm. He just got a scratch on his nger. The house doctor leaves
Steele his card before he is called away on his beeper. Virginia notes that she did receive some strange
letters, and they go to her home where she shows them to our sleuths. One reads, \Next week is almost
here, a week you'll never forget. (signed) G.E.M." Virginia notes that Lloyd also received strange letters.
Laura oers to spend the night with Virginia, for safety.
Mildred asks, \Is that when you got hurt, Miss Holt? Protecting Virginia Mayo?" But it isn't; the night
was uneventful. Steele visits Lloyd Nolan and obtains the letters. Lloyd notices the postman outside, which
is odd because the mail already arrived. Steele saves Lloyd from a machine gun strang, then runs out to
chase the postman. The postman takes more shots at him, and he jumps into Lloyd's pool. Lloyd notes, \I
keep meaning to have that relled!"
Mildred asks if that was where Steele got hurt, but it wasn't. Steele landed on a raft in six inches of
water. Meanwhile, Laura visits Morris Getz, who studies the letters and identies the typewriter model, the
type of paper, and the ink. As Steele visits Dorothy Lamour, Laura arrives and tells Steele she traced the
letters. While they talk to Dorothy, Laura saves them from a gunman.
Laura and Steele go to George Edward Mulch's oce; Laura gures Mulch is out for fame by killing
somebody famous. They nd the typewriter and paper, then chase Mulch when he stops by. They foul up
a sidewalk ceremony at the famous Chinese Theater, and in the chase, Laura falls in the street as a car
approaches.
But that's not where they got hurt. The car stopped just in time. They catch up to Mulch, who refuses
to talk. When they confront him with their evidence, he admits that he sent the letters to hype his line
of products, based on Hollywood stars, like `Virginia Mayo Mayonnaise' and `Dorothy Lamour Road to the
United States Highway Directory and Restaurant Guide'. Laura and Steele think he's nuts. But he does
have an alibi for the killings.
At the oce, Steele tells Dorothy, Lloyd and Virginia that he'll handle their case at no fee. Since the
fan letters led to a dead end, Laura asks if there's anything else that ties them together. Lloyd points out
that the attempts on their lives all occured while Steele was visiting them. Steele nds it hard to believe
that he's at fault, but when he's the target of a drive-by shooting, he's convinced.
At Steele's apartment, Steele calls Daniel and conrms that all his old adversaries are accounted for.
The killer might even be someone that Laura put away under the name of Remington Steele. They see a
news report on the death of Yvette Harwood. Steele recognizes the face as the woman he saw backstage at
the awards ceremony, and she was dead. Laura suspects the man who was with her is the killer.
The door rings; it's Lloyd with his cousin's son, Julian, a tall strong young man. They leave to see
Virginia, who called about Yvette Harwood. Virginia and Dorothy explain that Yvette was not too bright,
and was recently depressed. She was also a health nut, which doesn't mesh with the ocial cause of death:
a heart attack. They all pile into the limo and go to Yvette's. Laura nds anti-depression pills, and Lloyd
110
nds the safe. The jewelry box is nearly empty, and Laura nds that the jewelry was sold o, but the bank
account is nearly empty. She'd written big checks to Templeton Enterprises. Virginia recognizes the name
as a fast- talking con man who poses as a producer, and Steele recognizes him from her description. Laura
puts the pieces together: Templeton seduced Yvette into giving him all her money, she found out, so he
killed her. They see a car pull up, and all hide. It's Templeton, and he gets away in the confusion.
They follow him to his studio. Steele rushes in, and Lloyd tells Laura, \By the book, Miss Holt, we've
got him trapped. Call for backup!" She rushes in after Steele. Inside is a storage room for props and
things. They escape assorted falling objects and Steele presses the chase over Laura's objection. They
subdue Templeton up on the scaolding, and as the scaolding collapses under them, they rush to a ladder
just in time. But the ladder falls under their weight. That is how they got hurt.
At the hospital, Mildred smells a rat. Why was the cause of death listed as a heart attack? The doctor
who signed the death certicate is Roger Chandler, whom Steele recognizes as the doctor at the awards
ceremony. The newspaper says that Chandler was called away by Yvette (which explains the beeper), but
that makes no sense since she was already dead. Mildred suspects the doctor was in on the scam and tries to
call the police, but the phone is dead. She leaves for the nurses' station. Laura realizes Yvette's depression
was induced by her medication. Laura goes out to see what's taking Mildred so long, and nds that the
entire hospital is empty. Chandler comes in, and asks for the pills Laura found. He kicks her crutch and
smothers Steele, but Laura releases the cable on his arm, which falls on Chandler, knocking him out.
Mildred, head bandaged, tells her own (very colorful) story of how she was overcome, to Lloyd, Virginia
and Dorothy.
Movies:
White Heat, Virginia Mayo
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Virginia Mayo, Danny Kaye, RKO
The Fan, Lauren Bacall, James Garner, Paramount 1981.
Road to Singapore, Dorothy Lamour
Moon Over Burma, Dorothy Lamour
Typhoon, Dorothy Lamour
Somewhere in the Night, Lloyd Nolan, John Hodiak, Richard Conte
Three Days of the Condor, Robert Redford
The Postman Always Rings Twice
Manhandled, Dorothy Lamour, Dan Duryea, Sterling Hayden, Paramount 1949.
Saint Louis Blues, Dorothy Lamour, Lloyd Nolan, William Frawley, Matty Melneck and his Orchestra,
Paramount 1939.
Johnny Apollo, Tyrone Power, Dorothy Lamour, Edward Arnold, Lloyd Nolan, Twentieth Century Fox,
1940.
Dirty Harry
The Godfather, Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, Paramount 1972.
Notes:
The story is done in ashback, with lots of voice-overs as Laura and Steele re-tell the story to Mildred.
This is certainly a reference to fties movies or something, but I'm too young to catch it.
An important clue actually appears early on. Though of course, most of the clues appear just in time.
The opening credits appear piecemeal.
The ashback method allows for lots of foreshadowing, including Laura and Steele's conversation that
Mildred overheards at the start of the show.
The only episode that used a laugh track. (For the response to Virginia Mayo's acceptance remarks.)
Lloyd Nolan gets all the awesome lines.
111
54
John Wirth
12/11/84 10p
12/31/85 10p
Breath of Steele
4702
Don Weis
Two singing-telegram girls witness a shooting and move in with Laura for protection while
she and Steele track down the gunman.
Nathan Fitts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Larroquette
Chip Flowers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tom Byrd
Marjorie Flowers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rosemary Forsyth
Toni . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alice Cadogan
Teri . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kathy Maisnik
Brenda Flowers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mariana Hill
Nancy Evans . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kate Vernon
Mrs. White . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Carol Gordon
Mr. Johnson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cli Medaugh
Nathan Fitts sneaks past the nighttime security guard and goes to the oce of Myron Flowers. Flowers
is asleep in his chair, and Fitts shoots him. Twice. As he leaves, he's greeted by two singing girls who do a
dance and throw a cake in his face, then run o.
At the oce, Laura and Steele share champagne and are dressed for a night on the town. Mildred
arrives with a birthday cake: To Steele's surprise, it's his birthday. Mildred leaves the couple alone, and the
dancing girls come in. Laura and Steele are confused, but applaud politely, then a shot rings through the
window. Laura suspects the shots were meant for the girls. The girls explain that they're àctresses' looking
for their big break. Steele tries to brush it o as a massive coincidence and steal away with Laura, but Laura
insists on investigating.
They visit the girls' previous customers and receive unwelcome receptions. They go to Flowers' oce
and nd him dead. Steele sarcastically thanks Laura for nding a case, and notes that there was meringue
on the door, but not on Mr. Flowers' face, which means that the girls threw the pie in the wrong man's
face, possibly the murderer. The security guard goes into Flowers' oce and pockets his gold breath spray
atomizer.
Mildred identies Flowers as the king of breath spray. The girls realize that they got the wrong guy,
but they can't come up with a description. They're mad that they have to stay at Laura's loft; they have a
gig the next day, Morgan Fairchild's manicurist's daughter's birthday party. Meanwhile, Steele is upset that
he and Laura missed the play.
The security guard arrives home, sprays his breath, chokes, and dies. Laura and Steele visit the guard,
only to nd him dead. Steele nds a skull injury, and Laura deduces that he was killed by somebody he
knew, since there was no sign of forced entry. Laura nds the atomizer and Steele gures it fell out of the
killer's pocket.
At the loft, Toni and Teri do aerobics and Mildred apologizes to Steele for hiring the girls; Steele forgives
her. Steele tries to wake up Laura, who clearly didn't get a good night's sleep. Laura angrily answers the
phone, and it's for the girls. It's Petula, their answering service. Steele tells Mildred not to let the kids out
of the loft. Laura is furious and tries to get things back to normal.
Laura and Steele talk to Dr. Marjorie Flowers, who invented the formula for the breath spray, and
from whom Myron stole it. She admits she hired the girls to remind him of his deceit. Steele shows her
the atomizer, and she explains that Myron gave one to each member of his `golden circle': Fitts (second in
command), Brenda (his new wife), and Chip (his son). She also notes that Brenda and Chip just gained $25
million from Myron's death.
Steele gures that the person who is missing an atomizer is the murder, and his cockiness annoys Laura.
He produces two tickets to Forty-Second Street, the best seats in the house. They talk to Brenda, who is
falsely grief-stricken, and who introduces them to her son Chip, Nancy Evans (Myron's personal secretary),
and Nathan Fitts. Brenda and Chip refresh their breath with their gold atomizer, and so does Fitts, but
only after some fumbling for it. Laura and Steele leave, noting that not only do all the suspects have their
atomizer, but also alibis. Meanwhile, Fitts panics because he knows the girls can identify him, and Brenda
tells him, \Do what you have to do."
Laura and Steele return to the loft to nd it ransacked. Laura is furious, but Steele asks, \Where are
they?" Steele nds them, in the bathroom, naked. The attacker wore a mask, so nobody got a good look
112
at him. Laura can't gure it out. Why did he make them strip; why not just kill them? Steele realizes the
man was after the atomizer. Laura sprays the atomizer at her plants, which wilt.
At the oce, Laura learns from the lab that the atomizer was lled with poison, and the autopsy report
on the guard says that the poison consists of standard laboratory chemicals. Steele gures the murderer
poisoned Myron's atomizer, but when that didn't work, he shot Myron, then user the atomizer to get rid of
the guard.
Laura and Steele pose as lab technicians and break into a lab at Flowers' plant. They hide when people
come in: It's Miss Evans and Chip, who kiss madly. Meanwhile, Laura nds the ingredients on the lab
shelves. Nancy confronts Chip with her knowledge that Myron was going to cut Chip out of his estate
because of his aair with her, but Chip denies killing Myron. Laura and Steele sneak out.
At the oce, Mildred takes a call from Fitts, pretending to be Mr. Tillema. The girls recognize the
name, but Mildred tells him the girls are booked solid, thank you. Laura and Steele visit Fitts, who nervously
hangs up. The tell him they know who killed Myron, but Fitts is pleasantly surprised when they level their
accusation at Chip. After our sleuths leave, he breathes a sigh of relief, and calls Petula pretending to be
Mr. Tillema.
Steele confronts Chip, who denies shooting his father. Steele calls in Toni and Teri to identify Chip, but
they say he's not the man. Brenda throws them out. Toni and Teri pick up their phone message from Petula
and leave to meet Mr. Tillema. Laura and Steele realize the girls are gone, and Mildred gures out how to
nd them. She calls Petula pretending to be a talent agent and demands to see the girls immediately.
Toni and Teri arrive to meet Mr. Tillema, but run for their lives when Fitts takes shots at them. The
limo arrives and when they hear shots, Laura and Steele tell Mildred to stay put. They eventually nd Toni
and Teri and subdue Fitts. Fitts admits he shot Myron, but he didn't poison him. Mildred comes in with
the coroner's report: The cause of Myron's death was poisoning.
The suspects are called together at Myron's oce. It was clearly a man, since a man broke into Laura's
loft, and it wasn't Fitts, since he would've murdered the kids. The murderer also needed access to a lab,
and this all implicates Chip. So Steele was right after all. But Brenda tips them o that it wasn't Chip and
Nancy that were the source of the problem, but rather Chip and Brenda. Brenda fooled Fitts into thinking
she was going to run away with him; similarly did Chip with Nancy. Chip makes a run for it and climbs
onto the breath spray billboard. Laura plays with the knobs to control the sprayer and eventually Steele
subdues Chip.
At Laura's loft, the girls sing and dance the title song from Forty-Second Street for her and Steele (in
appropriate evening dress).
Movies:
Little Murders, Elliot Gould, Alan Arkin, Twentieth Century Fox 1971.
Notes:
Note the weird gun trophies in Mr. Johnson's apartment.
The lab looks pretty fake (as do most TV laboratories).
The tossing of trash can lids reappears in Steele Trying.
113
Let's Steele a Plot
4704
55
Richard DeRoy and Joe Gores
Christopher Hibler
12/18/84 10p Laura and Steele are plagued with a plethora of advice when they investigate the embezzlement of a mystery writers guild's treasury.
Alf Nussman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joe Santos
Butch Bemis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gary Graham
Richard Laidlaw . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James Ray
Columbine Cooper . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Suzanne Lederer
Jackson Grimm . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Patrick Cronin
Pamela Johns . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kristine Sutherland
Maxine Delano . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Barbara Townsend
Doctor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Braden
Laura and Steele follow complicated instructions to meet Richard Laidlaw, author and president of a
mystery writers guild. He explains that Gilbert Fox, a guild member, died of a heart attack the day he signed
a seven-gure contract and left the guild nearly $1 million in his will to tear down the existing building and
build a new guild headquarters. The next day, the money vanished from the guild's coers through six
separate checks, each signed by a member of the board of directors.
At the oce, Mildred traced the checks as far back as a Swiss bank account. The board members
were the only people who knew about Fox's bequest, so their plan is to get their autographs and consult a
handwriting expert to determine who forged their signatures. Laura and Steele learn the guild directors are
all in money trouble. When Steele asks Columbine Cooper about her tax problems, she irts with Steele
and tells him Pamela Johns had an aair with Fox. Pamela tells Steele that he should really be talking
to Maxine Delano, the other beneciary of Fox's will. Butch Bemis catches Laura snooping on a telephone
conversation. She nds his masculine crudeness oputting, but when he grabs her and kisses her, Laura can
only stare, stunned.
Laura teases her hair in the car mirror as she drops o Steele at Maxine's. Maxine explains that Fox
was her neighbor and left her $100,000, but put the money under trusteeship of the guild. She also complains
that another detective had also come her way. While she digs up the other guy's business card, Steele pokes
around her cupboards to nd them bare. Maxine returns with the card, a detective named Melvin Gamble.
The doctor explains to Laura that no autopsy was performed on Fox because nobody asked for one.
Laura tries to convince him of the suspicious circumstances surrounding Fox's death, and nally succeeds
in convincing him when an unseen hand pushes her into a wheelchair and shoves her in the direction of an
oncoming ambulance.
At the oce, the three handwriting experts come to dierent conclusions, thereby ruining the forgery
angle. Steele goes to the guild and nds Laidlaw tossing darts at a bad review of his most recent book.
Laidlaw admits that he did hire someone else at rst, but Gamble quit. Well, not really quit. He died.
Poisoned, actually.
Laura comes out of the shower to nd Butch sitting in her living room. Laura insults him, then gets
carried away with her own description and kisses him. Steele comes in, and Laura sits down and covers her
mouth with her hand as if to say, \What did I do?" In the car, Steele is privately steaming, and Laura
explains she's attracted to Butch in spite of herself. They go to Gamble's oce and Laura saves Steele from
a rigged front door. The oce has already been ransacked, and Steele asks, \Do you get the feeling that
someone's one chapter ahead of us?" Steele nds a letter from Fox to his agent on his new novel: A veteran
writer teaches a newcomer how to write; once the job is done, the protege kills the mentor. Laura gures
someone stole Fox's story, and when Gamble found the truth, he blackmailed the culprit. Laura notes that
the methods of attack have sounded vaguely familiar.
The next morning, Mildred read Nussman's books and found a wheelchair attack. Laura read Grimm's
books and found a rigged oce door like the one at Gamble's oce. And Pamela devoted a book to poisoning.
When Steele learns that the food basket wasn't delivered to Maxine's because nobody answered the door,
he rushes over and calls the paramedics. Maxine is okay, though undernourished. Steele learns that Gil had
a protege, \some English dame"; she came back after the movie deal and they argued over money.
Laura visits Nussman, who turned his apartment into a jail cell for inspiration. Laura learns he learned
to write in prison, and confronts him with the wheelchair incident. When she notes that Nussman has had
114
four dierent publishers recently, she suggests he's on his way down. He shows her to the door. He drives
o angrily, and Laura follows.
Pamela shows Steele her poisoned plant collection and irts with Steele, whose mind stays on the case.
She explains she supported Fox monetarily while they were together and was only after some repayment.
Laura follows Nussman to a book store where he nds Grimm and the two ght, Nussman accusing Grimm
of stealing his ideas. Laura notes that Grimm's career is on its way down.
Steele visits Columbine and averts his eyes when he nds her lying in bed, naked. After she covers up,
she explains she taught herself how to write, though Steele notes her rst book was a worldwide best-seller.
She explains that Fox was always watching her, following her.
Upon their return to the oce, Laura and Steele are confused when Laidlaw says the case is solved; the
money has been returned. Laura learns that Fox's heart attack was induced. Laura and Steele break into
the guild records to study the will. The new building was to be built ìn memory of my dear departed friend
B. Craven'. Steele nds that the option on the next-door lot expired at noon, and suspects that somebody
doesn't want the building torn down because there's a dead body hidden in it.
Laura returns to her loft to nd Butch already there. (He's wearing a shirt this time.) She learns that
Craven was an pulp author whose mysterious disappearance turned him into a cult gure. Laura's mind is
clearly on the case, though she smiles enigmatically.
The suspects are gathered at the guild, though they gripe about the triteness of the whole aair. Laura
explains that Fox was about to write the story of Craven's death. Steele attempts to make the culprit crack
with creaky noises, but no one cracks; they merely laugh. Everybody had connections to Craven. When
jackhammer noises emerge from the cellar, Columbine gets nervous, and Laura pointedly asks if Fox was
following her because he knew she was Craven's protege. She nally cracks and runs into the basement, to
nd Mildred with a tape recorder.
Steele and Maxine share the cheese basket he sent, and he explains that Columbine typed Craven's
books in exchange for writing lessons. But she decided to steal his story and publish it herself as her rst
novel. Laura visits and explains that Butch was just a momentary abberation.
Movies:
Jaws 4 (invented)
Arsenic and Old Lace, Cary Grant, Raymond Massey, Warner Brothers 1944.
Notes:
The incidental music was stolen from Steele Framed.
Always fun to see Laura and Steele playing games of aection. But the episode was otherwise drab and
unexciting.
This episode adds a second data point to the `the killer is the woman who bares her breasts to Steele'
theory.
Laura doesn't say `Good-bye' to the doctor before hanging up. How impolite.
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56
Bob Shayne
01/08/85 10p
Gourmet Steele
4716
Burt Brinckerho
Steele is mistaken for the restaurant critic he's trying to nd, and he's targeted for murder
by unsavory types steamed up over bad reviews.
Ana Dix . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Billie Bird
Eloise Fairchild . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Barbra Horan
Pierre Fumar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Daniel Davis
Michael Fleming . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dakin Matthews
Phyllis Lewis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Deborah May
Bill Smith . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Young
Frederico Rudizio? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . William Schilling
Teus Stavros? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jack Heller
Henchman #1? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mark Nelson
Henchman #2? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Francisco Lagueruela
Sergeant Hackett? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nick DeMauro
Clerk? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sorin Serene Pricopie
Customer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Allen
Three restaurant owners agree to act together. \L'Orange must die." At the oce, Steele sets up a
romantic date with Eloise, then goes to see Laura, who is on the phone herself agreeing to a date with Bill.
Their client, Phyllis Lewis, publisher of `Tomorrow's Food' magazine ask them to locate her restaurant critic
Dick L'Orange, known for his scathing reviews. They don't know what he looks like; they communicate with
him through a box at `Personal Touch'.
Steele pumps Laura for information on Bill on their way to `Personal Touch', where Laura breathlessly
talks to the clerk about renting a box while Steele breaks into L'Orange's box. Outside, two guys watch
Steele pick up L'Orange's mail and think he's L'Orange. Steele manages to ght them o.
In the box were letters from circulars, letters from competing magazines, invitations, and letters begging
L'Orange to give them a second chance, signed with initials. Steele goes to Phyllis, who introduces him to
Michael, her nostalgia editor. Phyllis identies the initials as Fredrico Rudizio, Teus Stavros and Pierre
Fumar, owners of restraurants L'Orange panned; his review of L'Ornate (Fumar's restaurant) coincided with
his disappearance.
Laura gures, since L'Orange is missing, she'll study the list of missing persons. Laura tells Steele she
found L'Orange: Really, a grandmother named Ana Dix. They break in and nd the kitchen ransacked, the
refrigerator empty, and a cat. Laura asks, \Who's feeding the cat?" While they wait, they ask each other for
information on their respective dates. Ana comes in, and they identify themselves. Over tea, she explains
she thought she was followed home from her box at `Personal Touch', and when her kitchen exploded, she
went into hiding. Laura nds a L'Ornate matchbook cover, and Steele suggests that Fumar is behind it.
Over Laura's objection, Steele plans a double date at L'Ornate.
While Mildred keeps an eye on Ana in Laura's at, Laura and Bill join Steele and Eloise on a double
date. When they arrive at L'Ornate, they nd the restaurant devoid of customers. Laura and Steele try to
make each other envious of their respective dates. Michael arrives and Laura and Steele explain that they've
found L'Orange, and he's being kept in a safe place. The waiter recognizes Steele as Dick L'Orange and
lures him into the kitchen, where the cooking sta go at him with knives. Steele escapes and cuts short their
dinner. Laura thanks Bill for dropping Eloise home, and learns that Bill is still haunted by the memory of
his ex-wife, who left him in 1978. Laura and Steele try to convince each other they enjoyed their respective
dates.
Apparently, L'Orange was bribed by various restaurant owners to write a bad review of `Recherche', a
new restaurant. L'Orange took the money but wrote a good review anyway. When Steele confronts Ana
with this information, she denies it completely. She never took bribes from anybody, and besides, her review
of Recherche was as scathing as all the rest. Meanwhile, the bad guys kidnap Mildred, and Laura and Steele
follow. When they bring Mildred before their leader, he scolds them for getting the wrong woman, and
Mildred is uncerimoniously dumped on the street.
Our sleuths realize that someone is pretending to be L'Orange and has been taking the bribes. Inspired
by `The Thin Man', Steele throws a dinner party for all the suspects, and Mildred recognizes Michael as the
man who kidnapped her. Laura gures it out: Michael is secretly the owner of Recherche, and he is the only
116
man who had access to L'Orange's reviews before publication. When Ana wrote a bad review for Recherche,
he threw it away and wrote his own review in its place.
The following evening, Steele throws another dinner party for Eloise, Laura and Bill, to make up for
the botched dinner. But he neglects to invite Eloise, and Laura neglects to invite Bill.
Movies:
The Thin Man, William Powell, Myrna Loy, MGM, 1934.
Notes:
Laura and Steele don't realize that Michael was the only person who knew that Ana was staying at
Laura's place.
Music score written by Arthur Kempel instead of Richard Lewis Warren.
117
Stronger Than Steele
4718
57
Kerry Lenhart and John J. Sakmar
Stan Lathan
01/15/85 10p The TV superhero Laura idolized as a child is accused of killing the producer of a movie
07/09/85 10p version of the show starring another actor.
Max Donahue aka Atomic Man . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Conrad Janis
James Jarvis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gary Frank
Jennifer Davenport . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nancy Staord
Steven Spooner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tom Harrison
Theodore Mooney . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bernard Kuby
Hazel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gamy L. Taylor
Security Guard #1? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Hal Landon, Jr.
Security Guard #2? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bill Kalmenson
Man? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stuart Mabray
Narrator? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jackson Beck
We open to an old black-and-white science ction serial. Pull back to reveal that it is being shown
at a press announcement of Atomic Man: The Movie. While Spooner runs the show, Max (who portrayed
Atomic Man in the television series) disrupts the presentation, yelling \I'll kill you before I'll let you destroy
my creation!" as he is taken away by security.
In his oce, Spooner tells Davenport that he has hired a new director for the movie. She is upset, since
he had promised her the directorship. Even worse, the two are lovers, and Spooner is dumping her.
That evening, Max shows up in costume at the studio and is stopped by security. He claims that Spooner
asked him to come, but Davenport says that is not true. In fact, Donohue has been harrassing Spooner. In
her oce, Davenport sets the clock ahead, sets up her videotape machine and calls in Hazel, the cleaning
lady. They watch Atomic Man together (really, the videotape), and Hazel leaves. Davenport then dresses
up as Atomic Man, goes to Spooner's oce, and kills him with a blow to the head. She breaks the window
and climbs down the trellis. The security people see her and give chase, but she ducks into her oce.
The next morning, Laura is shocked to see Detective Jarvis on television issuing a warrant for Donohue's
arrest in the murder of Spooner. Steele insists that they to go see their client, Theodore Mooney (who wants
them to install a security system in his chain of carpet stores), and when he mentions Mooney's live television
advertisements, Laura perks up. She grabs her Atomic Decoder Ring and dashes o. At the carpet store,
Laura rewrites the cue cards to give a secret message to Max, which Mooney unwittingly reads on the air.
At the oce, Laura takes the call from Max and arranges for them to meet at a local Atomic Man
convention. Jarvis shows up, and Steele distracts him long enough for Laura to steal Max out. Jarvis storms
to Laura's apartment with a warning: Any more stunts, and he'll have her arrested for abetting a fugitive.
At Steele's apartment, Max describes the situation, and it is grim indeed. His ngerprints are on the murder
weapon, he was present at the studio at the time of the murder, and his alibi doesn't hold up.
Steele arranges for Max to pose as Ocer Kimball, Mooney's new security system (until the electronic
security system is installed). Laura goes to the studio and nds Davenport in Spooner's oce. While they
talk, Steele tries to climb up the trellis in through the window, but it collapses under him. He notes how odd
it is that Max allegedly climbed down the trellis without it breaking, though he is several pounds heavier
than Steele. When Laura tosses an indirect accusation, Davenport challenges Laura to prove it.
Laura is certain that Davenport is the killer; she just needs to nd the evidence. With Steele's help,
Max identies the voice that called him to the studio as Davenport's. Laura accuses Davenport and comes
up with the motive: She was losing directorship of the lm, and Spooner's contract provides that she take
over production in the event of his death.
Laura borrows a plot from an old Columbo episode and deduces the VCR trick. That evening, Laura
and Steele break into Davenport's oce and steal the videotape of the previous night's Atomic Man episode
from her VCR cabinet. Laura goes to see Max at the carpet store to tell him that they're on the brink of
cracking the case. Together, they foil a robbery attempt. And when the police come, so does Jarvis, who
arrests them both.
Steele bails out Laura, and when they bring Laura her personal belongings, Jarvis notices the videotape
she stole and keeps it in his oce. Laura and Steele enlist Max's help: He tells Jarvis he's ready to confess,
and tells a long story, with grand gestures, leading Jarvis out of his oce. Steele and Laura sneak into
118
Jarvis's oce to get the videotape. Max rounds o the story telling how he strangled Spooner. Jarvis points
out that Spooner wasn't strangled, and Max smiles.
At Steele's apartment, Laura stays up all night watching the videotape they stole. The next morning,
Mildred arrives with the tape from the TV station, and Laura watches that. She nds what she's looking
for.
Jarvis is brought to Davenport's oce, where Laura recreates the method of murder. She shows the
videotape that she stole from Davenport, who (with Hazel) conrm that that is indeed what they watched.
She then pops in the videotape from the station and plays it: A scene that the two claims they watched the
night of the murder is missing from the broadcast tape, proving Laura's theory.
At the oce, Max thanks the gang for helping him. Max asks Steele if he ever considered a career in
acting, and Laura laughs.
Movies:
The Fugitive, David Janssen, a Quinn Martin production, 1963 to 1967.
Columbo, Peter Falk, Universal Studios, 1975. Playback
Gone with the Wind.
Heaven's Gate.
Notes:
Generally silly, and not at all mysterious.
119
58
Je Melvoin
01/22/85 10p
06/25/85 10p
Have I Got a Steele for You
4726
Christopher Hibler
\Idea man" George E. Mulch is back with a new business venture that's being used by a
partner to swindle an investor.
George Edward Mulch . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Constantine
James Ryan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Lehne
Martha Ryan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . K Callan
Peter Gillespie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Charles Rocket
Russ Buckner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Seth Jae
Juan Castro . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Danny Mora
Courtney? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Debra Dusay
Tommy Mulch . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gene Freedman
Teller? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Virgil Robison
A man purchases $9000 in travelers checks from several dierent banks, each time under a dierent
name. (A teller points out that if he had purchased $10,000 worth of travelers checks, they'd have to ll out
a special IRS form.) He then goes to an oce and burns all the checks.
Martha Ryan tells Steele (Laura is out of town on business) that her husband has sunk half a million
dollars into the Courtney Doll Company, and they haven't produced anything yet. She is certain he's being
swindled and wants Steele to investigate. Steele goes to the factory to nd empty tables and only a single
worker, dutifully sewing dolls. He knocks on the oce door only to see a man climbing out the window. He
smiles in recognition. Mulch arrives at his oce to nd Steele waiting for him. But they don't get far into
the greeting before another man comes in, belts Steele, and chases Mulch. The man catches up to Mulch and
demands his money. Steele saves Mulch, who merely identies the man as a demanding business associate.
At the oce, Laura patches up Steele's head wound and scolds him for running o on a case alone.
Mulch explains his latest scheme: The Courtney doll is a simple doll. It does nothing, has no accessories,
and has absolutely no after-market. Parents will love it. They ask Mulch where the money is, and he admits
he's only the creative end. He explains that Pete Gillespie found James Ryan, an eager investor, and they
named the doll after his granddaughter. Mulch takes Laura and Mildred (Laura intentionally leaves Steele
at the oce) to see the books.
He takes them to Tommy, his brother-in-law, who handles the books. Outside, Gillespie phones in his
report and is told to await further instructions. Inside, Mildred nds no ledgers, no books, just shoeboxes of
receipts. They carry the receipts to the car, only to nd it being driven away. Laura stops it, and the driver
identies himself as a car repo man; apparently, Mulch hasn't made a single payment on the car. Mulch also
identifes the unwelcome guest at his oce as Buckner, a loan shark he owes around $5000 to. Mulch hasn't
received a penny of salary; Gillespie claims that startup costs chewed up the money.
Laura and Steele are called to see James Ryan, whom we recognize as the man from the opening. He
explains that Martha is very nervous about money, and he introduces his granddaughter Courtney, who
comes in to tell him that her parents are on the phone. Courtney doesn't quite get the `hang' of hanging up
the phone. Ryan says there's no point in continuing the investigation, but Laura and Steele convince him to
press on. After they leave, Ryan calls Gillespie and tells him to lie low for a while. Laura and Steele go to
Gillespie's to nd that it appears he left in a bit of a hurry. As they leave, Steele is beat up by thugs, and
Buckner warns, \Tell that fat friend of yours, I'll be expecting his payment. Tomorrow."
At the loft, Laura tapes up Steele's bruises and gets upset when Steele makes light of his injuries.
Laura realizes that their post-Cannes àrrangement' hasn't turned out well and decides to rekindle their
relationship. Laura and Steele are called to the oce, where Mildred has nally unscrambled the books.
The Courtney Doll Company has taken $496,000 from Ryan and paid out the same amount in startup costs
(all to only three rms). And all they have to show for it is $800 in inventory. Steele lets Mulch spend the
night on his couch to protect him from Buckner.
The next morning, Laura and Mildred go to the Wheaton Company to nd that it's only a dummy
corporation. Laura nds ashes in the trashcan and recovers a fragment of a travelers check. Back at the
oce, Steele tries to use the computer and (with Mulch's help) manages to get into the database. Meanwhile,
Gillespie is getting jumpy, and Ryan tells him that their plan is to \remove those two detectives from the
picture" and pin the crime on Mulch. Laura and Mildred return to the oce with the information that the
travelers checks were signed by the heads of the respective corporations, whom Steele turned up have been
120
dead for over twenty years. Steele realizes that Gillespie set up the corporations so he could assume the
identities of their dead presidents, and Mildred explains that the receipts from the travelers checks would let
him recover his money later without drawing suspicion. Mildred tries to call the Ryans with their discovery,
only to nd the line busy.
While Steele and Mulch steal Buckner's Porsche, Laura receives a phone call at the oce from Gillespie,
who oers to return the money in exchange for amnesty. He sets up a meeting with Laura at the factory,
and after he hangs up, he tells Ryan, \They're coming." Meanwhile, Steele and Mulch repay the debt with
the proceeds from the sale of Buckner's car. Steele learns from Mildred that Laura went to the factory alone
and dashes there in the limo. Laura arrives at the factory and realizes she's been set up when the lights go
out. Laura and Gillespie stalk each other with guns drawn. Steele rushes in as shots are red, to nd Ryan
holding a gun over Gillespie's dead body.
Apparently, Gillespie called Ryan as well, but Laura has nagging doubts. Why didn't Gillespie just
leave town? And Gillespie was too young to impersonate the deceaced company heads. Mildred receives a
call from Martha Ryan: Mr. Ryan has just led for divorce. Mildred realizes that now that Ryan has lost
all his money, he doesn't have to pay anything in the divorce settlement. Laura and Steele confront Ryan,
who shrugs it o, but incriminates himself when he says that Gillespie called him, yet the phone was o the
hook all afternoon (thanks to Courtney).
At Steele's apartment, he expresses his polite displeasure that Laura broke her own rule about working
as a team. When Mulch lets slip that they stole Buckner's car, Laura asks Steele to explain, but Steele is
saved by the dinner bell.
Movies:
Blood Alley.
The Day of the Jackal, Edwards Fox, Michel Lonsdale, Universal 1973.
Notes:
Some music borrowed from Pocketful of Steele.
121
59
John Wirth
01/29/85 10p
07/02/85 10p
Springtime for Steele
4722
Christopher Hibler
The crooked managers of singer Rocky Sullivan decide to kill their rising star when her
success threatens their investment scheme.
Rocky Sullivan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lynne Randall
Brian Hunter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Robert Desiderio
Vincent Nash . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Don Gordon
Buddy Brokaw . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jack Kruschen
Betty Overton . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Elizabeth Huddle
Arthur McKinley Reynolds, III . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Timothy Stack
Clint Overton . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tony Frank
Pops? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Beau Starr
Joseph? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Peter Brocco
When the Rocky Sullivan Show comes to town, Rocky is ecstatic that she's been sold out, but her
managers privately agree they need to end her career, fast. That evening, Steele is upset that Laura bought
tickets to see Rocky and cajoles Laura into having dinner with him afterwards in San Francisco. When they
arrive, they are confused to see that Rocky's a hit. Meanwhile, a young man goes into the theater with
a gun. In Rocky's dressing room, Clint Overton (a stereotypical rich Texan) helps Rocky with her dress.
Meanwhile, her managers Buddy and Brian wonder what they're going to do. Brian tells Buddy to change
the order of the songs and begin with the one where Rocky is on the piano.
Rocky greets Laura and Steele and introduces them to Buddy, her manager, who tells her about the
chainge in plans. She also introduces Clint and Betty Overton, who own a piece of Rocky's act. When the
show starts, the bang starts playing the music for The Man I Love and Rocky comes in singing Who's Sorry
Now. A sandbag falls on the piano.
Rocky apologizes to Buddy for forgetting about the schedule change, though it turns out to have saved
her life. Steele notices that the cable was cut. Buddy remarks that it was Brian's idea to change the schedule.
Clint and Betty take Rocky to her dressing room. Outside, Brian is kidnaped by thugs. Betty privately tells
accuses Clint of staging the murder attempt to create publicity. She also notes how he stares at Rocky all
\goo-goo eyed". Meanwhile, Buddy catches the young man sifting through papers in his oce, and he and
Laura chase him out. Brian is taken to Vincent Nash, local crime boss, who demands to be made a 50%
partner in Rocky Sulivan's act. Brian is forced to sign.
Laura gures the man with the gun also cut the cable and oers to let Rocky stay at her place. Laura
goes into the back of the bus to fetch Rocky's overnight bag, where the gunman greets her. Clint sees the
light on in the bus and thinks it's Rocky. Through the curtain, he professes his love for her. He nally can't
stand it any more and comes through, to nd the man with his gun poised. Betty wonders where Clint is
and she, Steele, and Rocky go outside to the bus, where they hear shots res and the gunman drive o.
The paramedics bandage Clint's arm and leave. Laura managed to grab from the gunman the nancial
ledgers from the show. Betty privately scolds Clint for risking his life, noting, \We don't belong here" in
Hollywood. At Laura's loft, Mildred goes over the books: All of Rocky's performances have sold out, but
Steele notices that they oversold shares, selling over 500%, then hoping Rocky's show will op, and then
pocket the money. Rocky is so pleased she's hit the big time, Steele can't bear to tell her the truth.
The next day, Brian sneaks into his oce and tells Buddy what happened. \I've got to kill Rocky; it's
our only hope." He tells Buddy to make sure Rocky's in her dressing room this afternoon and leaves with
a cassette. When Laura and Steele arrive, Brian ducks out. Our sleuths confront Buddy, who plays dumb,
claiming that Brian was the bookkeeper. Buddy sneaks out as Nash comes in. When Nash sees the books,
he leaves angrily. Meanwhile, the gunman goes to Clint's hotel room.
Rocky gets a phone call at the loft from Buddy, asking her to come down to the theater. Mildred tries
her best to stop her, but Rocky gets away. Mildred calls Laura and Steele in the limo, and they rush to the
theater. The gunman comes into Buddy's oce and demands to see Brian; he tells Buddy that he knows
about their scam, and Rocky overhears it. The gunman is leaves, and Buddy tries to repair the damage. He
tells Rocky to go home; he'll dissolve his partnership with Buddy. Laura and Steele arrive, hear gunshots,
and Steele catches the gunman, while Laura spots Nash getting away. They go to Rocky's dressing room to
nd Clint dragging Brian's dead body.
122
The gunman identies himself as Arthur, an accountant from St. Paul who came to recover his investment
in Rocky's act. Rocky explains she heard shots, so she went to her dressing room and saw the gun on the
oor. She heard someone coming and took a shot at him (and missed); it was Clint. Clint dragged Brian's
body out of the dressing room to protect her from what appeared to be a frame-up. Buddy points out that
Rocky recently learned of the scam, so she had motive to kill Brian. Nash returns (upon advice from his
attorney), and accusations y that Nash, Buddy, Rocky, and Arthur were all headed for the dressing room
before the shots were red.
Laura and Steele send Rocky to the loft and visit her dressing room. They note that the shots were red
through the bathroom door, and inside the bathroom they nd a tape recorder (with Rocky's singing) and a
sturdy cloth; Brian was waiting to strangle Rocky and planned to use the tape as an alibi, since people would
hear Rocky singing after he left. Which means that whoever shot him thought they were killing Rocky (since
they heard the singing). And the only person not accused of going to to Rocky's dressing room (because she
was already there) is Betty Overton. At the loft, Betty stalks Rocky with a knife; Clint was in love with her,
going so far as buying all the tickets for Rocky's performances. Laura and Steele arrive and rescue Rocky
from Betty just in time.
That evening, Rocky's performance is sold out, and Clint denies buying any ticket but his own. Rocky
goes out and calls Laura and Steele on stage to take a special bow, which they do, then leave as fast as they
can.
Movies:
The Producers, Zero Mostel, Gene Wilder, Avco-Embassy 1968.
123
60
Brad Kern
02/05/85 10p
06/18/85 10p
12/24/85 10p
Steele in the Family
4723
Larry Elikann
Mildred's enterprising straight-arrow nephew has a little problem: he needs to hide a body
from a hit man who needs the corpse to conrm the kill for his employers.
Mr. Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jack Bannon
Bernard . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Albert Macklin
Clarissa . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nancy Everhard
Myrtle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Doris Belack
Morty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bob Hastings
Harold Delanian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ryan MacDonald
Reporter? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anna Bjorn
Morgue attendant . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joey Aresco
Jill . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Carol Francis
Clerk? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Richard McGonagle
While the call girl Clarissa prepares a bubble bath, her client answers the door, only to be greeted by
the wrong end of a gun. The hit-man (Silver) leaves and calls his employer and tells him, \It's done." His
employer calls the police to report the murder (anonymously) while Clarissa and Bernard frantically hide
the body in the next-door apartment.
After Steele coaxes Laura into stealing away with him to Catalina, Mildred introduces her nephew
Bernard to Laura and Steele, who shortly thereafter receives a call from Clarissa: Her neighbors are due to
return from their vacation, and they need a new place to hide the body. Meanwhile, Silver goes to collect his
fee from Myrtle and Morty, but Myrtle refuses to pay until Delanian's death is reported in the newspapers.
Just as Laura and Steele are leaving for Catalina, Bernard and Mildred appear: Bernard has obtained
three tickets to a Sinatra concert. Laura and Steele reluctantly accept, leaving Bernard in Steele's apartment
to study. After they've gone, Bernard meets Clarissa downstairs and the two of them drag the body into
Steele's bathtub. When everyone returns early (the concert was rained out), Bernard introduces Clarissa as
his Latin tutor. When Steele goes to hang up the (sopping wet) coats in the bathtub, he asks \Bernard,
can I have a word with you?" Bernard begs Steele not to let Mildred know, and he agrees. After two other
call girls arrive (\my study group"), Steele explains the situation as a fraternity initiation stunt and shoos
Laura and Mildred out. (Laura is not convinced.) Bernard explains: The man is Harold Delanian, president
of Delanian Engineering. Apparently, Bernard over-invested his clients' money in Delanian stock (including
some of the Agency's money), and he needs to keep Delanian's death quiet until he can sell the stocks after
an announcement the following day of a corporate merger. Steele agrees to keep up the charade for the
benet of Mildred. The rst order of business is to deposit the body at the local morgue.
Silver returns to the scene of the crime, nds no body, but does nd Steele's address and phone number.
He calls, and Clarissa answers, then runs out. Meanwhile, Laura smells a rat and returns to Steele's
apartment, only to nd it deserted. Silver arrives at the apartment, mistakes Laura for Clarissa, and
demands \the package". Laura plays along until Silver pulls out a gun. She takes him on a wild goose chase
across town until she makes her escape.
Steele drops o Bernard at Mildred's and returns to his apartment to nd a waterlogged Clarissa. When
Laura returns, furious, and nds Clarissa in Steele's pajamas, she demands an explanation|and gets one.
Meanwhile, Mildred talks to Bernard.
Laura's plan is to pretend that Delanian is still alive, with Steele playing the rôle of the late executive
(over Steele's objections). When Morty and Myrtle hear that Delanian is not dead, they assume that
Delanian bought o Silver and take matters into their own hands. Silver pays a visit to Jill to nd out where
Clarissa is. On their way to kill `Delanian', Morty starts to chicken out, but Myrtle bawls him out, and
we learn that they want to stop the takeover to preserve their retirement benets. Their murder attempt
is thwarted when they are swamped by a horde of media people demanding an interview with Delanian.
Bernard called the press so he could confess, but Steele convinces Bernard to go along with the game. While
Steele manages to fend o the press, Silver grabs Laura in the lobby and takes her to the suite. When Laura
buzzes the door oddly, Steele realizes that something is wrong, and they put a plan into action. Silver breaks
in, and Steele, Laura, Bernard, and Clarissa subdue Silver. While Steele escorts Silver out, Morty shoots
him, mistaking him for Delanian. Steele and Laura capture him in the ensuing chase.
124
Instead of telling Mildred that her nephew lost the agency's money they say that he donated the money
to establish the `Mildred Krebs Endowment for the Advanced Study of Latin'. Steele pulls Laura aside and
tries a second time to steal away to Catalina with her.
Movies:
The Corpse came C.O.D., George Brent, Joan Blondell, Columbia 1947.
Notes:
The titles don't appear until after the murder.
125
61
Je Melvoin
02/12/85 10p
08/13/85 10p
Diced Steele
4727
Don Weis
After the agency loses an insurance company's front money in a scheme to recover stolen
jewels, the company's investigator digs into Steele's past and tells Laura he was in on the
scam.
Norman Keyes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James Tolkan
Eddie Grogan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Murphy Dunne
Bradford Murdock . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alan Feinstein
Mrs. Murdock . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Victoria Bass
Seymour Smith . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Charles Cooper
Everett Blaisdale . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wortham Krimmer
Benny? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tom Stewart
Sid? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Marty Zagon
Nathan? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Simmy Bow
Mr. Capstone? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Brian Kale
Hotel Clerk? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Roselius
Cab driver? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Van Quattro
Henchman #1? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joey D. Viera
Henchman #2? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ralph Bruneau
Himself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sonny Averona
Page? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Paul Virtue
Steele welcomes Benny, Sid and Nathan to his apartment to help him beat Eddie Grogan. The plan
is that Grogan will lose big and be forced to reveal where he has hidden the jewels he stole from Bradford
Murdock. But Eddie proves too much of a match for them, leaving only him and Steele (posing as Reginald
Whitewood). When Eddie wins the nal pot, Steele is furious: Grogan cheated. While Mildred follows him,
Laura and Steele try to convince Everett Blaisdale (an insurance company representative) that everything
is under control.
But Mr. Capstone, the company president, is not convinced. He puts Norman Keyes on the case. Keyes
breaks into Steele's apartment and nds his passports. Blaisdale tries to explain the situation to Bradford
Murdock, who is furious that he's not getting payment on the insurance for his stolen jewels. He books a
ight to Vegas, and packs a gun. Laura and Steele arrive in Las Vegas, where Steele spends money left and
right trying to maintain the Whitewood image. Keyes nds Laura and tells her Steele is a fraud and he was
in on the robbery. Laura plays dumb and tries to prove to Keyes that Steele is an honest man.
Steele watches Grogan lose the last of his $150,000 at the craps table then get taken away by two thugs.
Steele rescues Grogan, who explains that he hocked the jewels to Seymour Smith for $30,000, and it'll take
$50,000 to get it back. Laura takes Keyes to see Steele, only to see him chatting amicably with Grogan. She
realizes she blew it and changes her tack, \Why that treacherous snake! All right, Keyes, how do we nail
him?"
Steele is furious at Laura for agreeing to help Keyes trap him, but realizes Laura had no choice. Steele
tells Laura he needs $50,000 by 6pm, and Laura is upset at the ne mess Steele has gotten them into. While
Steele leads Keyes on a wild goose chase, Laura goes down to the casino and parlays a pocketful of change
into $60,000. Steele returns just in time to stop her from risking it all on another throw of the dice.
Waiting for Grogan with the money, Laura apologizes for her behavior. While going downstairs to meet
them, Grogan is accosted by Murdoch, who demands the jewels. Keyes spots Steele, who runs o, and Laura
reluctantly joins the chase. Murdoch and Grogan go to Smith (the pawn broker); Murdoch kills Smith, and
Grogan runs o with the jewels. Steele nds Smith's dead body, when Keyes arrives. Laura knocks Keyes
unconscious and she and Steele make a run for it.
Back at the casino, Grogan, fearing Murdock, tosses the gems to Steele and runs away. Murdock accosts
Steele, grabs the suitcase and runs o. When he gets outside, Murdock realizes that he took the suitcase
with the $50,000 and rushes back inside to get the jewelery. Grogan is caught by Smith's men, and Keyes
catches Steele. Grogan tells Smith's men that Steele killed Smith, and they go after him. Grogan grabs
the jewels and runs outside. Steele is rescued by Laura, and the two run outside, where Laura sees the few
remaining dollars of her $50,000 scattered about by the wind. Keyes catches Grogan and recovers the jewels.
Murdock is about to shoot the two of them, but Steele disarms him.
Back in the casino restaurant, Laura, Steele and Keyes recap the case: Murdock had long ago sold the
jewels and replaced them with paste, then he hired Grogan to steal the jewels for the insurance money. But
126
Grogan didn't know they were fakes and tried to abscond with them. Keyes leaves, but threatens to return.
Laura notes that Steele could probably palm o the fake necklace on an unsuspecting victim, but Steele
merely drops it on the sidewalk. \If I'm not careful, Miss Holt, you could make an honest man of me." \I'm
counting on it, Mr. Steele."
Notes:
Sonny misses a lip-sync on the word `that' at the end.
127
62
John Wirth
03/05/85 10p
08/20/85 10p
Now You Steele It, Now You Don't
4724
John Tracy
Laura delivers a message that triggers an importer's apparent suicide, then discovers she
was used in a blackmailing scheme.
Claudia Sterling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Savannah Smith Boucher
Whit Sterling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Philip Abbott
Fred Bigelow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Shannon
Grace Kelton . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Claudia Cron
Leopold Majak . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Byron Webster
Weasel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Robert Pastorelli
Dr. Romsen? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bernard Behrens
Real Leopold Majak? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Robert Moborly
Chester . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . J. E. Freeman
Cop? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Darwin Joston
Assistant? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Logan Clarke
Dock worker? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Al Berry
Grace Kelton enters an antique store which the owner, Leopold Majak, hired Laura to watch. Kelton
pockets an item and leaves. Laura follows her back to her apartment. Kelton confesses, embarrassed, and
begs Laura not to tell Whit. Laura visits the Sterling residence. Whit Sterling doesn't recognize the name
`Grace Kelton' and denies that she is his mistress. When Laura shows him the shoplifted items, he becomes
very angry (\I don't like being blackmailed!") and throws her out. Laura returns to Majak and tells him
what happened. He is very pleased, and pays Laura for her services|in cash. Laura is very confused.
The next morning, Laura is awakened by a phone call from Claudia Sterling: \He's dead, Miss Holt. He's
dead because of you." At the Sterling residence, Laura learns that Whit committed suicide the night before,
and Mrs. Sterling, in her hysteria, is blaming Laura. Whit's partner in the import business, Fred Bigelow,
doesn't recognize the name `Majak'. The doctor arrives and scolds Bigelow for not keeping Mrs. Sterling in
bed due to her condition|she's pregnant.
Laura returns to Majak's shop, only to nd a dierent Leopold Majak. She goes to Grace Kelton's
apartment, only to nd it covered in sheets, as if the residents were on vacation, which is conrmed by the
cop who shows up. No Grace Kelton ever lived there. When Laura discusses the matter with Steele, he
suggests that she is just a little overworked and needs a vacation.
That evening, Laura and Steele break into Sterling's house: Laura suspects murder; Steele thinks Laura
has gone insane. All evidence points to suicide: The room where he shot himself was locked from the inside.
Steele cracks a safe to nd inside a purple heart from service in Korea, an antique gure just like the one
that Kelton allegedly stole, and a piece of paper with `Marla Rakubian, 1479 Harbor' written on it. On their
way out, the sprinkler system goes on, and they are chased by guard dogs.
The next day, Laura goes to Majak again, this time with the antique gure. Majak identies it as `major
contraband', stolen from the Beijing Museum. When Laura confronts Bigelow, he denies any knowledge of
a smuggling operation. He was the salesman end of the Sterling-Bigelow partnership and left the actual
importing to Whit. Laura proposes that Marla Rakubian was Whit's mistress, but Bigelow only laughs. . .
Steele boards the Marla Rakubian, the ship that Sterling used for importing his goods, pretending to
be a customs ocial. He opens a crate and inspects the contents. But Chester and another worker catch
him and knock him out. Laura arrives just as they're carting Steele away in a trunk.
Steele is drugged and interrogated by Grace Kelton. In his stupor, he believes that it is Laura who is
asking the questions. After they give up on the interrogation, Steele makes a gymnastic escape, and looks
in on the next building, where dock workers are gambling.
At the oce, Laura proposes that the fake Majak found out that Sterling was smuggling antiques and
was blackmailing him. But this doesn't explain why he would murder Sterling. That evening, the two sneak
aboard the Marla Rakubian and open some more crates. Steele recognizes the paper they found in the safe
as paper used for counterfeiting. They go to a junkyard, where `Weasel' sells them some counterfeit money.
Laura and Steele get Mildred to pass the funny money at the gambling table Steele found. When the
workers nd out, she gets tossed out, then picked up by Chester. He takes them to Kelton and the fake
Majak, who ask her where she got the money from. Laura and Steele rescue her, bringing representatives of
the Treasury Department with them. But Kelton and Majak deny killing Whit Sterling.
128
The next morning, Steele is ready to whisk Laura away to the Fiji islands, but she is still worried about
the alleged suicide. To convice Laura that Sterling was perfectly healthy, he reads the autopsy report, but
nds something interesting: Whit Sterling was rendered impotent by an old war wound.
They confront Mrs. Sterling and Fred Bigelow, accusing them of having an aair and killing Whit.
They deny it. But Steele points out a tiny hole in the window pane and characteristic footprints outside the
window, placing Bigelow at the scene of the crime. Ha! Bigelow, in his panic, names Mrs. Sterling as his
accomplice.
That evening, Laura and Steele recap the case in his apartment. The heavy rainstorm outside has
grounded all the planes to Hawaii.
Movies:
T-Men, Dennis O'Keefe, Albert Rider, Eagle/Lion, 1948.
The Barefoot Contessa, Humphrey Bogart, Ava Garnder, United Artists, 1954.
Notes:
Steele's athletic escape after being beaten into unconsciousness is hard to believe.
How did Steele know there was a hole in the window?
129
Illustrated Steele
4725
63
John J. Sakmar and Kerry Lenhart
Gabrielle Beaumont
03/12/85 10p A cartoonist's life seems to be imitating art when attempts to kill him parallel the adven08/27/85 10p tures of his comic-strip character lookalike.
Arte Wayne . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dennis Drake
Raymond Kelly . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bi McGuire
Sid Rothman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Keith Charles
Paul Steuben . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ?
Cindy Dirks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mary Beth Evans
Late at night, a car careens down a canyon road, exactly as described in a comic strip. The driver
manages to leap to safety before the car crashes through a fence and explodes, just like in the comic strip.
At the oce, Laura reluctantly helps Mildred shue les around and nds Steele in his oce, reading
the most recent installment of The Blaster, an action comic strip, featuring guest characters Dashing Dave
and Doll-Face (who bear a striking resemblance to Steele and Laura, though Dollface has Orphan Annie
eyes). The current plot has Dashing Dave and Dollface awaiting the arrival of Dick Darkside, who has just
double-crossed the Blaster. So, the Blaster cuts Dick's brake lines. As Steele shows Laura the nal panel, in
which Dick says to himself, \Someone's trying to kill me," a young man comes in, saying exactly that. The
resemblance is uncanny.
Arte Wayne explains that he is the inker for Raymond Kelly's comic strip The Blaster. About two
weeks ago, the character of Dick Darkside was introduced, and just for fun, he made the character look like
himself. Since then, whatever happens to Dick happens to him, the most recent incident being the wild car
ride down Malibu Canyon.
Steele talks to Paul Steuben, the producer of The Blaster. Although Arte's work was excellent, Kelly
asked Steuben to put some more pressure on Arte. The Blaster was doing poorly when three years ago,
Kelly hires Arte as his inker, who saved the strip. Instead of being thankful, Kelly is resentful.
Meanwhile, Laura talks to Cindy Dirks, Arte's former girlfriend. She still loves him, but things didn't
work out between them. Cindy mentions that Raymond Kelly's wife had seduced Arte. Mrs. Kelly died
three months ago, and Mr. Kelly never learned of the aair.
From the limo, Laura calls Mildred to get Arte's address, and Mildred asks her to relay the Aspen ski
report to Steele. Steele says he didn't invite Laura along because he knows about her workaholism, and
Laura promises that, at the conclusion of the case, she'll shut down the agency for a week and go skiing.
Arte buzzes Laura and Steele into his aparment complex and puts on a tea kettle to boil. He was inking
the most recent installment of The Blaster, in which the Blaster throws a canister of poison gas into Dick
Darkside's apartment. We see Arte, unconscious on the oor, as steam from the tea kettle lls the room.
Laura and Steele break in and rescue him. Someone had placed tablets of potassium cyanide in his tea kettle.
Arte says that the only other people who knew about the upcoming strip were Steuben, Sid Rothman (the
distributor), and of course, Kelly. Arte refuses to believe that Kelly is responsible for the attempts on his
life.
Laura and Steele pay a visit to Kelly's house, a big scary castle, complete with fog. When they mention
Arte's name, he angrily tells them to leave. Despite all the attorneys Arte has sent, \He's getting nothing
more from Raymond Kelly!" Arte wants credit for saving The Blaster, and Kelly refuses to grant it.
Laura and Steele conclude that Kelly found out about the aair and is trying to kill Arte. Laura wants
to talk to Sid Rothman, but Steele accuses her of stalling. Laura responds by showing Steele the plane
tickets she's already purchased. Sid tells our sleuths that Kelly hates Arte, but Arte is too busy worshipping
to notice. Arte had come to him three months ago with an idea for his own comic strip. Sid loved it, but
had to turn him down since he can't take on any new strips until an existing one retires. The next day, Sid
saw Arte with his hand in a cast, \He said it was Ray's opinion of his grand notions."
Laura and Steele try to get Arte to face the facts and admit that it is Kelly who is trying to kill him.
Arte shows them the latest strip: The Blaster is chasing Dick Darkside through a jungle. \Not too many
of them around here." Arte refuses their protection, but Laura and Steele spend the night watching his
apartment in case Kelly shows up. The evening passes uneventfully, but the next morning Laura sees Arte
driving o. Laura and Steele realize that the jungle scene in question contains elements from Kelly's house.
At the house, we see signs of a struggle, as well as the comic strip: \Dick Darkside and the Blaster meet in
130
mortal combat." The Blaster says, \Good-bye, Dick Darkside". Pan over to Kelly's indoor waterfall, where
the water has taken on a red tinge.
The police take Kelly's body away, and Arte explains that Kelly called and told him to come over. At
the oce, Laura is suited up for skiing, but Steele has nagging doubts about the case. He shows Laura blue
penciling on the sketches Kelly allegedly sent to Arte. Kelly doesn't have any blue pencils, nor the sti
paper that the sketches were allegedly drawn on. Laura accuses Steele of chickening out on Aspen.
On their way to the airport, Steele detours Laura's car to a Speedy Express shop, where the clerk denies
that they've ever delivered a package from Kelly to Arte; all their deliveries were from Arte to Kelly. Laura's
car is poised atop Malibu Canyon, and Steele dares her to navigate the twisty, turny road down the canyon
without brakes. Laura accepts the challenge and heads downhill, Steele in the passenger seat fearing for his
life. They nally reach the point that Arte's car allegedly ran o the road (at night, even) and nd skid
marks. Laura notes that there is no way Arte could've survived a jump from his car at the speed he was
allegedly going. Steele suggests that Arte was the real author of The Blaster, and with Kelly dead, he can
assume full creative control of the strip.
At a memorial for Raymond Kelly, Arte thanks our sleuths for their help and gives them a drawing
of Dashing Dave and Dollface, this time with Laura's eyes drawn in. Arte makes his remarks, and Sid
announces that Arte has decided to let The Blaster rest with Kelly. (Laura mutters, \So much for motive.")
Sid announces that Arte will instead be starting his own comic strip. (Steele responds, \Motive, Miss Holt?")
At the oce, Laura notes that Arte started dating Cindy three months ago, the same time Mrs. Kelly
died, Arte went to Sid with his new strip, and the same time Dashing Dave and Dollface were introduced
into The Blaster. They go to Kelly's house, where they nd Arte's contract: For seven years, everything
Arte created would become the property of Raymond Kelly. Steele borrows an idea from Gaslight.
Arte picks up the newspaper to nd The Blaster still running. In this strip, Dick Darkside is crushed
under a falling safe. He looks out his window to nd a grand piano being raised. Arte nervously goes to Sid,
who says that a fan of The Blaster came to him with a suitcase full of ideas. As a result, Arte's new strip
is back on hold.
Arte picks up the latest batch of Blaster strips for inking, and they show Dashing Dave studying the
scene of the crime and concluding, \You murdered him, and I can prove it!" The return address on the
package is Kelly's house, and Arte heads there. Laura and Steele await his arrival, when they hear a thud
outside. They nd Arte dead, a gargoyle from the castle having fallen on him. They return inside, where a
masked gure attacks them with a knife. After the trio tumble down the stairs, Steele manages to disarm
her. It's Cindy.
At the oce, Laura and Steele recap the case. Cindy masterminded the entire plot, wanting desperately
to share credit with Arte on the new comic strip. She was afraid that Arte would botch his attempt to
kill Laura and Steele, then confess to everything. Laura produces her ankle, bandaged. Mildred comes
in, dressed for skiing. Laura explains that Mildred has always wanted to learn how to ski, and since the
reservations were already made. . . Laura wishes them a good time. On his way out, Steele notes, \Looks like
we're never going to get together, doesn't it." After he's gone, Laura pulls out the drawing of Dashing Dave
and Dollface and says to herself, \Don't bet on it, Mr. Steele." The voice balloons over the two characters
read, \What now, Dollface?" \Kiss me, Dashing!"
Movies:
Psycho, Anthony Perkins, Janet Leigh, Paramount 1960.
How to Murder Your Wife, Jack Lemmon, Virna Lisi, United Artists 1965.
Gaslight, Ingrid Bergman, Charles Boyer, MGM 1944.
Notes:
The Speedy Express company makes its rst appearance in Steele in the Family.
The non-photographic blue pencil was indeed genuinely non-photographic blue pencil. When Steele
points at it, you can't see it.
131
Steele in the Chips
4710
64
Robin Bernheim, Stephanie Zimbalist, and Howard Baldwin
Sheldon Larry
03/19/85 10p The inventor of a no-calorie cookie disappears along with the only samples, worth millions.
07/30/85 10p
Maynard Stockman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . G. W. Bailey
Gloria Blyer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jean Smart
Bill Miles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Bell
Sandy Dalrymple . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Geena Davis
Clay Platt . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James Carroll Jordan
Shirley Tannenbaum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Camille Saviola
Walter Munzinger . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James R. Winker
Michael J. Spencer? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Kagen
Coach? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Brian Reise
Receptionist? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lynne Stewart
Nighttime in the park, three trenchcoated gures (Shirley Tannenbaum, Bill Miles, and Maynard Stockman) wait anxiously as a car pulls up and a mysterious gure emerges with . . . cookies? They each take a
bite and make their bids. At a laboratiry, Walter Munzinger argues with Michael Spencer (the mysterious
gure); Spencer says they should take the money, while Munzinger says no. He's spent fteen years of his
life on the project, and the buyers will just suppress it. He knocks out Spencer, goes to a locker and mails
its contents (cookies?) to the Agency.
Mildred accepts the package and digs into the cookies, sharing them with Laura. The two nd the cookies
heavenly, but try their best to exert enough willpower to stop themselves. Meanwhile, Steele is consulting
with the attractive tennis player Sandy Dalrymple regarding security arrangements. Tannenbaum walks onto
the court and hires Steele to nd Munziner, her brother-in-law, and presents a $10,000 retainer. Back at the
oce, Steele tries to foist the missing person case onto Laura, only to learn that Miles has also hired her to
nd Munzinger, and also provided at $10,000 retainer. While they're musing over this peculiar coincidence,
Stockman stops by, claiming to represent the Vector Foundation, wishing them to nd . . . Walter Munzinger.
They go to Munzinger's apartment to nd it ransacked. They also nd an award he and Spencer won
at a food expo, the Agency's address, and well as Clay Platt, Laura's former more-than-just-an-associate at
Havenhust, hiding in the closet. Back at the oce, Mildred can't stop eating the cookies and gives them to
Miss Dalrymple for safekeeping.
Laura and Steele return to the oce to nd it also has been ransacked, and Munzinger staggers in,
dead. Laura visits Miles hawking `Booster Bars' at a supermarket, and he says that his oer is $3 million.
Meanwhile, Steele goes to `Lila's Delight' where Tannenbaum oers $1.5 million. Laura and Steele regroup
at the lab, to nd it ransacked. After removing the bugs from the lab, they discover Spencer in the fridge,
dead. Gloria Blyer, Munziner's ancee, happens to stop by.
They return to the oce to nd it ransacked again, and Miss Dalrymple is injured. Laura realizes that
Munzinger must have sent something important to the oce, but what? They receive a package|a bomb,
which they dispatch in the elevator. Laura leaves for lunch with Clay, dressed smashingly, and Steele gets
a call from Gloria. Over lunch, Laura pumps Clay for information but his intentions are elsewhere. Steele
goes to Munzinger's apartment to console Gloria after she had been threatened by goons who wanted `the
package'. Gloria still has the postal receipt for it and told the goons that she gave it to Steele.
Clay tells Laura that everybody is after the recipe for no-calorie cookies before he collapses. Laura
realizes that he was drugged and is taken away by two henchmen. Steele sees them taking her away and
follow to Varicorp. There, she meets Stockman who explains that the recipe must be destroyed. Releasing
the recipe would destroy his cookie business, putting people out of work and sending the economy into a
tailspin. Steele `rescues' Laura disguised as a cleaning man, and they return to yet another ransacked oce.
Laura asks Mildred where the cookies are, and Mildred explains that she gave them to Miss Dalrymple.
Laura, Steele, Mildred, and Gloria go to Miss Dalrymple to fetch the cookies, but she gave them to her
coach, who in turn gave them to his son Tyrone, who is at school. All six of them pile into Laura's Rabbit
and head for school, followed by Tannenbaum, Miles, and Stockman. Steele nds a bug in the car, and Laura
suspects that the oce was also bugged. At the school, they all split up in search of the cookies. Laura
locates the cookies, but loses them in a sequence too silly for words. When all is sorted out, Laura checks
the postal receipt that makes Gloria the rightful owner: But the date on the receipt is after Munzinger died.
132
Gloria knew that he had the cookie, and she killed Munzinger (who was going to sell out) and Spencer. She
makes a break for it, and in her recapture, the last cookie is lost.
Back at the oce, Miss Dalrymple informs Steele that she has decided not to employ his services,
preferring a more low-key approach, namely Clay.
Movies:
It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Notes:
The closing credits fade in and out.
Too silly for words.
133
Steele Trying
4717
65
Michael Gleason
Rocky Lang
05/07/85 10p Steele invents a bogus case to spirit Laura away to San Francisco for a little romance, but
09/10/85 10p the plan backres when the phony suspect gets involved in a real murder. Tony Bennett
recorded the soundtrack.
Rita del Rio . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Teresa Ganzel
Seymour Glass/Fred Melnik . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Herb Vigran
George Broder . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Howard Witt
Judy Fishbane . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gretchen Wyler
Bertha Melnik . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ruth Manning
Cop? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Chuck Mitchell
bar owner? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Beaver
Waiter? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dennis Farina
Waitress? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Adele Rosse
Steele arrives at work to nd Laura already with a tearful client, Bertha Melnik, who is concerned for
her husband's safety when she nds evidence of his sudden trips to assorted romantic points in San Francisco.
Laura and Steele privately conclude that Fred is conducting some extramarital business, and Laura decides
to take on the case. After Laura leaves to pack her things, Steele returns to Bertha and applauds. He pays
her for her acting services, and Bertha explains that Fred Melnik is really her brother Seymour Glass, a
retired locksmith who is visiting San Francisco to take care of some old business. Steele explains that he's
invented the bogus case so he can steal away with Laura.
Laura and Steele arrive in San Francisco, and Steele is disappointed when Laura booked separate rooms.
While talking at the bar atop the hotel, they spot Fred refusing money from a gentleman, and follow him.
The mystery gentleman learns from the waitress that Steele is Steele. Laura and Steele follow Fred to
Lincoln Park, where he greets another man. They hear a scream and rush over to nd the man, who says
only `Trapman' before dying.
Laura calls Mildred to get her to run some names through the computer, and Steele hurriedly calls
Mildred to cancel the request. Steele then suggests that Laura pretty herself up for dinner while he makes
the reservation. While she's gone, he calls the front desk to nd out that Seymour has checked out and left
no forwarding address. He tries to call Bertha but doesn't get very far as Laura returns to go to dinner.
At Marty's Restaurant, Steele starts talking romantic, but their conversation is interrupted when Laura
spots Fred. Fred talks to a woman, who breaks down in tears, and the two leave together. Laura and Steele
follow them to a topless bar, where they rescue Fred and the woman from two henchmen, but manage to
get captured themselves. The mystery gentleman asks them what they want with `The Trap Man', but they
profess ignorance. He is about to have them killed when Laura stops two policemen and creates a scene so
that she (and Steele) can get arrested.
The next morning (still in the same clothes), Laura and Steele pay a visit to the wake of Dr. Morris
Fishbane, the man who died in the park, but when they approach the front door, they are shot at. While
hiding from the gunman, Steele confesses that he invented the case and fears Laura's wrath. But she's hardly
angry; \I'm beside myself with joy!" With renewed vigor, they escape the gunman and return to the topless
bar to arrange a meeting with the woman (Rita del Rio). They then return to Willis Fishbane's house, only
to nd that the body on display is Judge Morris Fishbane. His widow explains that the judge died of a
heart attack, and that the wake is being held in San Francisco because their house in Hillsborough had been
horribly vandalized. Laura and Steele sneak out the back way and subdue the gunman (who is still waiting
outside) and check his wallet: Inspector Barney Neale, San Francisco Police Department.
Laura and Steele share a dance at the top of the Mark, where Rita del Rio arrives. She explains that
Seymour told him that Dr. Fishbane was dead, and she was ìnvolved' with Morris. Seymour told her he did
some work for the judge a decade earlier, and that \some heavy duty people didn't want him to nish it".
She cried because she feared for her life when Seymour says that they are killing anyone who was close to
the judge. In Steele's room, he calls Bertha and learns where Seymour's favorite hiding place is.
They nd Seymour in a Chinese restaurant and identify themselves as friends of Bertha. He explains
that he is a trap man; he installs hidden safes, and he's in San Francisco to reveal the location of Judge
Fishbane's trap upon the judge's death. He identies the mystery man as Captain George Broder, who
134
oered him $100,000 not to open the trap. Laura gures that the bad guys thought she and Steele were
after Seymour to get him to open the trap.
Back in Steele's room, they try to get Seymour to remember where the judge's house is, with no success.
Though he is looking forward to his percentage of whatever is in the trap. When there is a knock at the door,
Steele picks the lock to the connecting door and coshes the gunman on the head. The trio drive through
Hillsborough until Seymour nds the judge's house, but as they approach it, it explodes. This doesn't daunt
Seymour, however, since the trap was hidden in the swimming pool. Steele retrieves it, and Laura inspects
the contents: Not money, but \a veritable cornucopia of corruption." The judge had been blackmailing \a
former police commissioner, several judges, and a packet of politicians."
Laura decides to go to the FBI, but they need a safe place to spend the night. Seymour takes them back
to the topless bar, where they hide in the costume room. While Steele is out buying some chili dogs, he spots
more henchmen running into the bar, and he follows. He struggles with them while Laura and Seymour
make their escape. Once they are subdued, Steele asks himself, \How did they know we were here?"
Rita gives Laura and Seymour the keys to her place. Laura asks her why she's returning to the bar,
and she explains, \They don't want me; they want him." In Rita's apartment is Broder, gun poised. The
front door opens, and he res, but he shoots Rita (and is in turn bashed on the head by Seymour).
At the hotel, Laura and Steele pack their things to return to Los Angeles, and Laura explains that she
knew that Rita's apartment was a trap when Rita said they weren't after her, since she was the one who
said they were killing everyone who knew the judge. Steele gures Rita got involved with the judge just to
get close to the trap. As they leave, Steele comes up with a parting movie reference.
Movies:
The Lost Weekend, Ray Milland, Jane Wyman, Paramount 1945.
Notes:
The title doesn't appear until after the rst scene.
The trashcan lid trick came from Breath of Steele.
The `Top of the Mark' refers (I think) to the top oor of the Mark Hopkins Hotel.
Errors: Laura and Steele take the cablecar to Lincoln Park, whereas the real Lincoln Park is nowhere
near any cablecar.
135
66
Brad Kern
05/14/85 10p
09/17/85 10p
Steele of Approval
4728
Seymour Robbie
The third season winds up with Laura nding a possible romance in Mexico|and Steele
dodging a state investigator to revoke the agency's license.
Laura is hired by an odd lot of political power brokers to dig up dirt on \their man" before
their opponents do. \Their man", a charming Senate prospect named William Westeld, is
honest, but he does have a gap in his past. And when Laura discovers it, somebody takes
a shot at her.
That motivates her to follow a clue to Mexico City. Following Laura is Westeld, who's
curious to see what she'll nd. Laura's suspicious of him at rst, but his apparent sincerity
wins her over. Never quite certain of the status of her relationship with Steele, Laura is
intrigued by the possibilities Westeld presents.
Meanwhile, Steele leaves poor Mildred to be grilled by the investigator while he tracks down
the gunman who shot at Laura|and missed her on purpose.
William Westeld . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James Houghton
Horton Erhart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . William Prince
J. W. Kendall . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David White
Oscar Bergman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ken Olfson
Jack Prince . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rod Arrants
Philip Dunford . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nicholas Hormann
Scott Jeerson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Richard Frank
Mitchell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Don Stewart
Mrs. Tucker? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jeanne Ruskin
Desk clerk? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Zoaunne Leroy
At a meeting of political bigwigs, Philip Dunford presents to Horton Erhart posters for William Westeld's senate campaign, though J. W. Kendall wants to wait for Westeld's background check to complete
before continuing further, and the other gentlemen vote to wait. A gunman waits outside Mrs. Tucker's
house, and when Laura comes out (concluding her interview regarding Westeld), he takes shots, not at
Laura, but at her car.
In Laura's absence, Steele is forced to deal with Erhart, who wants to know if the Westeld background
check is complete. Steele is about to give the check his stamp of approval when Laura comes in, muddied.
She says she was shot at while talking to Westeld's former secretary and has found a gap in Westeld's
past, a period in his life that cannot be accounted for. On her way home, Laura realizes she's been followed
and manages to trap her pursuer, who turns out to be . . . William Westeld.
At Laura's loft, Westeld explains that he was merely trying to get in touch with her when he found out
she had been shot at. When Laura points out that, while he was working for the district attorney (Erhart)
ten years ago, there is a period of three months during which nobody claims to have seen him. He explains
that he was working for Erhart, then district attorney, investigating a suspicious re tied to then-senator
Hartford Jeerson. He was tasked with locating the senator's son Scott, who had ed to Mexico. He found
him hospitalized following a suicide attempt, and by the time Erhart came down to obtain a deposition,
Scott had been declared legally insane. Since there were no other leads, the matter was dropped. Laura is
unsure whether or not to believe him, but she is denitely charmed.
At the oce, Oscar Bergman from the State Bureau of Investigative Licencing arrives to ask a few
questions regarding some irregularities in the case reports. Unfortunately, the case in question was before
Steele became Steele, so he stalls for time and dashes out when he spots the computer printout on the car
that was used in the attempt on Laura's life.
Laura talks to Erhart about the Jeerson matter, who tries to convince her that it is a non-issue. Laura
suspects Westeld obtained a deposition from Jeerson, then had him declared insane so that no one else
could get one, for shortly after his return to the United States, Westeld obtained a position in the law rm
that handled Senator Jeerson's legal work, perhaps as a sort of payo. Laura decides to go to Mexico City
to talk to Scott Jeerson.
Steele visits Lightning Rent-A-Car posing as insurance inspector Norman Keyes and checks out the car,
nding a valet parking stub. Laura returns to the oce to nd Mildred all tuckered out after being grilled
136
by Bergman. Meanwhile, Steele uses the claim stub to locate the gunman. He goes to the hotel room, nds
the gun, and waits. On the plane, Laura is not pleased to nd that Westeld is ying down to Mexico City
with her, claiming he's just as curious as she is.
Mr. Donaldson and his wife Helen return to their hotel room, where Steele pretends to speak for his
client, who is not pleased that the `Holt situation' was not resolved properly. He learns that Jack Prince
hired Donaldson to miss intentionally.
Steele returns to the oce, where Mildred is mad at him for leaving her hung out to dry. She tells him
that Bergman demands to see Steele at 4pm and that Laura has left for Mexico City. When the plane lands,
Laura gives Westeld the slip, but he is waiting for her when she arrives at the hospital. Jeerson had been
transferred to Los Angeles yesterday, and Laura is mad at herself because she need to rely on Westeld's
knowledge of Spanish.
Steele arrives nearly an hour late for his meeting with Bergman, who merely tells him that he has
suspended the agency's licence and that they are to stop work on all their cases. Laura calls Mildred and
learns about the licence suspension. She fumes at Steele, and Westeld talks to her, and Laura warms up to
him. Steele talks to Prince and demands to know why Donaldson was ordered to miss. Meanwhile, Laura
and Westeld pose as a nurse and patient to get to talk to Scott Jeerson.
Laura and Steele meet in the elevator, both on their way to wrap up the case, and neither is particularly
polite to the other. Laura levels her accusation at Erhart, and Steele tries to stop her. She accuses Erhart
of having Jeerson committed and taking his deposition, and of hiring a gunman to kill her. Steele comes
forward to make some corrections. It was Kendall who, with Prince, hired the gunman to scare Laura into
digging deeper and nding the truth about Erhart. Laura and Steele conclude that it was Erhart who had
their licence suspended, to keep Laura from nding the truth. As for proof, Laura produces a statement
from Scott Jeerson implicating Erhart, and Steele a statement from Prince implicating Kendall.
At Steele's apartment, Laura notes that perhaps losing their licence may be a good thing. She proposes
they spend some time to straighten out their relationship, to see if there's anything that binds them together
besides their work.
Steele bursts into Bergman's oce and roughs him up, demanding that he confess in writing that Erhart
paid him to pull the agency's licence, that he restore the licence immediately, and that he turn himself in.
Meanwhile, Laura joins Westeld on board the airplane and politely turns down his dinner invitation in
Mexico City. \I care very much for someone who, I think, cares very much for me." She kisses him good-bye
and says, \Thanks."
Steele mails the licence back to the agency and hops into the limo. \Home, Fred."
Laura arrives at Steele's apartment to nd the door unlocked and nobody home. She goes into the
bedroom and nds the closets and dresser empty. Laura sits down and thinks.
Notes:
The newspaper delivery trick was rst used in Steele Belted.
137
138
Fourth Season (1985{1986)
Remington Steele
Starring
Also starring
Doris Roberts [as Mildred Krebs]
Musical score by Richard Lewis Warren*
Created by
Executive Producer
Michael Gleason
* Except in the episode Corn Fed Steele, in which the musical score was written by Donald Nemitz.
139
Steele Searching (Part 1)
5701
67
Michael Gleason
Seymour Robbie
09/24/85 10p A fourth season opens in London, where both Laura and Scotland Yard want to nd Steele,
04/12/86 10p but for dierent reasons. Meanwhile, Steele is hot on the trail of a man who holds a clue
to his past.
Felicia . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cassandra Harris
Inspector Lombard . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Julian Glover
Katherine Galt . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Angharad Rees
Earl of Claridge . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Simon Oates
Bradford Galt . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stephen Dillon
Chalky . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Je Rawie
Bowler . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Emlyn Price
Hilda Lake . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Claire Davenport
Blore . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . George Sweeney
Laura wakes up from a nightmare about Steele, \Who are you?" She stands outside the oce door,
takes a deep breath, and puts on a smile for Mildred. Laura continues the charade that Steele is o on a
top-secret case and asks Mildred what she has found out about the names she was given (namely, Steele's
passport aliases): The trail ends in London.
Laura and Mildred y to London and inquire into the last known address. The landlady signals a man
waiting outside, who arranges that Laura's purse is snatched. While Laura gives chase, she bumps into a
very ratty-looking Steele, who hops over a fence. \Keep in touch." The man who arranges for Laura's purse
to be stolen delivers the goods to another gentleman, who inspects the contents and says, \Use any method
required. Cut any corners necessary, but nd Steele. And stop him."
In a tavern, Steele is waiting for someone and looks at his watch, the one with the inscription, \To S.J.
from K.L." A young man spots Steele and runs away, and Steele gives chase, but loses him. A woman leaves
the tavern and is followed by a hansom cab. Steele hears a scream and ducks for cover. He sees the young
man (Chalky) and catches him. Steele demands to know, \Who are they, and why are they after me," and
Chalky just says that it's not safe to be seen with him (`Harry') these days. Steele nally extracts the name
Jenny Buchanan from him.
Laura arrives at the oce of the second gentleman, Chief Inspector Lombard of Scotland Yard, who
was glancing at the headline, `Ripper|3 / Yard|0'. Lombard gives Laura her purse and asks her what she
is doing in London. Laura says she's looking for a friend, and Lombard then asks if Steele is in London on a
case. Laura dodges the question, and Lombard warns her to stay away from Soho, for her own safety. Laura
wonders why a Chief Inspector would handle a simple purse snatching case. After Laura leaves, Chalky
comes in with his report on Steele.
Steele talks to Jenny, a prostitute who works the train station. He explains he's learned that Patrick
O'Rourke (the man who gave him the watch) used to help out a Kevin Landers, who had a tendency to get
drunk and beat up women. Jenny identies him as the Earl of Claridge. Steele spots Lombard and makes
a messy escape. Meanwhile, Mildred breaks into Quintaine's at room and nds a matchbook cover. . . and
Steele's passports.
Steele visits Felicia (who calls him Michael) and asks her why she's in London. She insists she's not up
to anything. While Steele settles down for some much-needed rest, Felicia calls Scotland Yard. Lombard
arrives to nd that Steele has since vanished. We see Steele running through alleys and gets attacked, but
manages to get away, but not before being seriously injured on the spikes atop a fence.
Mildred returns to the hotel where Laura wonders what to do about \a new friend" who's been following
her since she visited Scotland Yard. Mildred asks Laura how much she knows about Steele, and Laura is
not forthcoming. Mildred gives Laura the matchbook cover she found but keeps the passports hidden.
A nurse goes home and steps into an elevator with a scary-looking fellow.
A very bloody Steele is lying in an alley. A hansom cab emerges from the fog and goes past the tavern,
where Laura goes in. The cab comes to a stop, and the driver takes the nurse's body out, accidentally
dropping a lighter in the process. Mildred sees the carriage driver and is attacked, but is saved by the
arrival of Inspector Lombard and friends. The Inspector helps Mildred pick up her things and sees Steele's
passports. Meanwhile, Chalky returns to nd Steele badly injured and oers to get help. Laura hears the
140
sirens and comes out to see what the matter is. Lombard blames Laura for coming to Soho in spite of his
warning. Laura spots Lombard pocketing the lighter and demands to know what's going on.
In his oce, Lombard explains. The soon-to-be-married Earl of Claridge appears to be tied to the
recent murders, and shortly after the murders began, Douglas Quintaine (whom he knows to be Steele)
started asking questions about a Kevin Landers, which was the Earl's pseudonym during his drunken forays
into White Chapel. The Earl was shipped to Canada, and it is immediately upon his return to England that
the killings began. He wants to keep Steele from making a hasty accusation and ruining the Earl, not to
mention Lombard. Lombard receives a call from Chalky: He's found Steele.
But Steele isn't in the alley any more. Drops of blood fall on Laura's shoulder, and she looks up to nd
Steele. She distracts the Inspector long enough to rescue Steele. She takes him back to the hotel and tends
to his wounds. Steele explains his hasty departure, \I needed to nd something. . . me." He explains what
he's learned about Kevin Landers, and Laura oers to go to the Earl and get Steele to a hospital.
Mildred tells Laura that Lombard has the passports as they visit the Earl posing as a magazine writer
and her photographer. Laura talks to His Lordship and pointedly asks him how he travels without being
recognized. She notices that he's lost his lighter, and the Earl angrily leaves her in the care of Bradford
Galt, his future brother-in-law. Bradford admits that he nds all the publicity disconcerting. Laura spots a
hansom cab, and Bradford explains that the Earl's ancestors always rode in it to the wedding. His Lordship
is a stickler for tradition, even having Katherine and Bradford sequestered elsewhere, \No hanky-panky
before the vows are exchanged." Mildred pretends to injure her ankle as an excuse for staying the night.
That evening, Laura keeps an eye on the carriage, and spots the Earl taking it for a ride. She hops into
a utility vehicle to follow it and nds Steele already in it. Laura explains that the Earl might be a murderer.
They follow the cab, where the driver gets out and goes into a house. Shortly thereafter, he emerges, and
they continue to follow it, but skid o the road, and Laura's knee is injured. While Steele fetches help,
the carriage driver attacks Laura, and Steele returns in time to rescue her. He unmasks the man, and it's
Bradford Galt.
In his oce, Inspector Lombard explains to Laura that Bradford is \one of the most cold-blooded killers
I've ever encountered." Apparently, while working at a boarding house for women, he killed the landlady
while searching for her money, then ed to Canada. When his sister became engaged to the Earl, he realized
that thanks to the attendant publicity, one of the boarding house ladies would recognize his face. The reason
the Earl takes midnight carriage rides is that he's sneaking out past the tabloid reporters to visit Katherine.
Lombard asks where Steele is and says he can't return the passports.
While walking down the street, Steele is kidnaped. He is shoved into a car, where Felicia says, \Nice to
see you again. I hope you're prepared." \Prepared? For what?" \Why darling, you're going to kill the Earl
of Claridge."
Movies:
Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Kevin McCarthy, Dana Wynter, Allied Artists 1956.
Smokey and the Bandit
Notes:
The \Who are you?" scene comes from Tempered Steele. The watch comes from Steele Your Heart
Away.
The title doesn't appear until after the rst two scenes. The closing music has a violin countertheme.
141
5702
68
Michael Gleason
Christopher Hibler
10/01/85 10p Radical miners mistake Steele for the assassin Daniel Chalmers hired to kill the Earl of
04/19/86 10p Claridge.
Felicia . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cassandra Harris
Inspector Lombard . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Julian Glover
Katherine Galt . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Angharad Rees
Earl of Claridge . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Simon Oates
Armstrong . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Linal Haft
Steele is taken to a farm and told to wait. While waiting, he demands to know from Felicia why she
called the police when he visited. She explains that Hawkins and Blore were coming, and she couldn't be
seen with him. But they did see him, so she said that he was the man they were looking for, namely the
nest assassin in Europe. Steele is taken to see the `head man'|Daniel Chalmers. Daniel explains that he is
helping a group of miners who had gone on strike, and the Earl of Claridge closed the mines. So they want to
kill the Earl. (The logic of this move escapes Daniel.) Daniel accepted the job, not for the assassination, but
to steal the jewels from the Earl's wedding. Daniel told the miners he would nd an assassin, and apparently
Steele is it.
The angry miners take Steele outside and, to prove their seriousness, kill one of their own who was
about to squeal. Steele realizes that if he doesn't convince them he's the assassin, they'll kill him, Daniel,
and Felicia.
Back at the hotel, Laura angrily packs her bags and explains the agency's arrangement to Mildred.
Steele's current disapperance was the last straw, and she intends on abandoning him in London, but Mildred
convinces her to stay and help him. Laura visits the Earl's residence, where wedding preparations are under
way. Laura shows the Earl the watch, and he recognizes it. When Laura describes Steele, he realizes that
Steele is his son. He explains that he had a youthful tryst with an Irish girl and only saw his son once. The
Earl is called away, but asks to keep the watch. The Earl's visitor is Daniel Chalmers, disguised as an elderly
miner who wishes to present a gold-plated shovel at the wedding reception as a gift.
Laura follows Chalmers back to the farm, where the miners give Steele a gun disguised as a gold-plated
shovel. While Laura watches from behind some hedges, Steele demonstrates his shooting ability. Laura is
spotted, and she manages to escape.
Laura tells Mildred what she saw, and Mildred helps her get away from the men who were chasing her.
Steele tells the miners he demands one million pounds in payment, hoping they won't be able to pay it.
They can't, so they force him to rob a bank. Laura pays a visit to the Earl and learns that the miners had
demanded half-ownership of the mines, and when he refused, they started killing people, so he closed the
mines. Laura tries to convince him to postpone the wedding, but he cannot.
Felicia tries to win Steele back, with no success. Meanwhile, the miners decide to keep the million
pounds for themselves, kill Steele by sabotaging the shovel, and assassinate the Earl themselves. Their plan
is to rub some glow-in-the-dark powder on the Earl and kill the lights. The Earl will then be shot by one of
his own antique weapons.
At the wedding reception, Chalmers presents the shovel. Laura asks Inspector to arrest the miners, but
he can't yet arrest them for anything beyond the bank robbery. Steele tells Chalmers he will re into the
ceiling, and in the commotion, Daniel should clobber Armstrong. Mildred bumps into Steele and quietly
fumes at him. Laura is ready to give up on Steele, but is re-inspired when Felicia teases her.
Steele picks up the shovel and aims it at the Earl. Laura yells, `No!' and runs into him, causing him to
throw the shovel, which explodes. In the hubbub, the lights go out, and Armstrong escorts the Earl out of
the room. Daniel appears in time to save the Earl from a crossbow attack.
Afterwards, Daniel announces that the Earl is thinking of making him chief of security, and wishes
Steele well. Steele nally meets the Earl, and they greet each other. Unfortunately, the Earl realizes that
Steele is not his son. Steele's eyes are blue; his son's eyes are hazel. The Earl explains that the initials `S.J.'
stand for Sean James. He gave the watch to a friend to deliver to the boy, but the watch was lost. When
Steele appeared, he had hoped that the watch had somehow reached its intended recipient.
142
At the hotel room, Steele notes that he is now stuck in London, but Mildred arrives with a consolation
present: A United States passport in the name of Remington Steele.
Movies:
The Day of the Jackal, Edward Fox, Michael Lonsdale, Universal 1973.
143
69
John Wirth
10/22/85 9p
01/28/86 9p
Steele Blushing
5704
Alexander Singer
After Laura's doctored likeness appears in a porno magazine, Steele can't understand why
she's protecting the photographer from clients who want the man's les|and from the FBI.
Douglas Veenhof . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kenneth Mars
Ford Stevens . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kenneth Kimmins
Emily Stevens? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Candy Azzara
Michael Fitzgerald . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Scott Jaeck
Eileen Fitzgerald . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nana Visitor
Rhodes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Chris Mulkey
Colby . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Richard McGonagle
Two FBI agents, Colby and Rhodes, pay Steele a visit. They show Steele a copy of Bedside Babes and
point him at page 46, `Babe of the Month', where Steele is embarrassed to nd Laura's photo. They explain
that they're after the photographer, Douglas Veenhof, for tracking pornographic materials, and Laura was
his last client. After Steele and Mildred confer as to what to do, they return to nd the agents gone.
Steele pays a visit to Veenhof Photography, where he nds a studio loaded with suggestive scenes. Steele
is greeted by a golf-club-wielding gentleman who demands `the les', and when Steele tries to explain that
he isn't Veenhof, Veenhof's next client pops in, \Where do you want me, Mr. Veenhof?" Steele dispatches
the irate gentleman and leaves.
At the oce, Mildred takes a call from Veenhof. He wants to move, but Mildred tells him to stay put
and goes to fetch him. Colby and Rhodes have tapped the agency phone and head there themselves. Mildred
arrives in the Auburn, and since she can't pick the apartment lock, she goes out on the ledge to climb in a
window. While outside, she sees Colby and Rhodes break in, turn the apartment upside-down, then leave.
She also sees a young man stealing Steele's car. Mildred comes in, gets Veenho, and leaves. \It's not safe
here."
Steele returns to the oce to nd Laura on her way out. He asks her if there is anything he should know
about, and she says there isn't. She's just on her way out to do a friend a favor. Steele invites himself along.
Meanwhile, Mildred takes Veenho to Steele's apartment, but when she can't pick the lock, she decides to
go someplace else. \It's not safe here."
In the limo, Steele glances out the back window at Colby and Rhodes, who are following them. He
tries to draw information out of Laura, but she merely says Veenhof is a photographer, and a couple of days
ago, someone broke in, roughed him up, and demanded his les. Laura thinks it's Ford Stevens, senatorial
candidate. Laura pays the campaign headquarters a visit, where his secretary says he's out on the campaign
trail. Laura notes that Stevens' appointment book has an interview with Channel 6 for that evening at the
Stevens residence. Meanwhile, Steele steps out of the limo and instructs Fred to take the FBI men on a wild
goose chase.
Mildred has hidden Veenhof in Laura's loft and calls the police to report the stolen car, demanding that
they recover it. Laura and Steele arrive at the loft, and Laura tries very hard to get Veenhof to keep his
mouth shut, but to no avail. Veenhof explains that he does `Boudoir photography', wherein women pose in
skimpy outts and present the photos to their husbands as gifts. Steele asks Mildred where the Auburn is,
and she says it's in the shop. Steele continues to tease Laura about the photos.
Colby and Rhodes watch Laura and Steele leave, and Rhodes heads up to the loft, where Mildred clonks
him, and the two rush out. Veenhof said Rhodes claimed to be a talent agent who oered $20,000 for his
les; Mildred explains that he isn't even the FBI, \That gun, it's not government issue!"
Laura and Steele pay a visit to Ford Stevens, where he admits that he threatened Veenhof, but for good
reason. His wife and her friend posed for Veenhof, and when her friend appeared in Bedside Babes without
granting permission, he wanted to stop Veenhof from printing Emily's photo. When Laura spots her own
picture in the magazine, she freezes, leaving Steele to continue the interview. Laura promises she'll get the
negatives from Veenhof. In the car, Steele continues to rub it in.
Laura and Steele return to the loft, to nd Mildred and Veenhof missing. Mildred has taken Veenhof
to the oce, where she continues to demand that the police nd the Auburn immediately. Laura and Steele
return to Veenhof's studio, where the golf-club man is there waiting for them. He demands the les, but
144
their conversation is interrupted by gunshots from Colby. Laura nally learns that Steele knew all along and
is furious at him. Outside, Colby calls from a pay phone: \Forget Veenhof. I've found him."
Laura and Steele arrive at the oce, where Mildred explains that the FBI agents are impostors. Veenhof
explains that he put Laura's face on the body because he needed the money. He has no idea why everybody
is after his les, and Laura asks him to identify which pictures in Bedside Babes are his. Her theory is that
the magazine is the only common denominator to all the madness. He nds another picture, and Laura and
Steele take him to his studio to fetch the name and address.
Colby phones in and asks for a licence plate trace. Veenhof nds the photo; the name is Eileen Fitzgerald
from Castle Rock, a miniature golf course. At the oce, Mildred can't nd any information on her, and
Steele concludes that she's under Federal Witness Protection. Meanwhile, Mildred hires a ratty-looking
detective to nd Steele's car.
Colby and Rhodes get the licence plate trace and heads for the miniature golf course. Meanwhile, Eileen
and her husband Michael are tired of being shued around by the Witness Protection Program every time
something goes wrong and decide to go on the run. Their plan is to sign for the money like they always do,
then see how far they can go with $5000. Colby and Rhodes and Laura and Steele arrive simultaneously,
and a three-way chase through the miniature golf course ensues. Laura and Steele are trapped by Colby,
and when both Steele and Colby run out of bullets, Laura grabs a putter and whacks golf balls at Colby.
Steele eventually subdues Colby. Meanwhile, Rhodes has shot Michael in the leg, and as he walks towards
Eileen, Laura clobbers him from behind with a golf club.
Veenhof thanks Steele for their help, and Steele suggests that he leave and pray he never meets Laura
again. Steele thanks Mildred for her work, then sees the ratty detective driving in a truckful of parts to
Steele's Auburn.
At Steele's apartment, Laura and Steele throw copies of Bedside Babes into the replace. Laura explains
she needed a photo for the Alumni Journal and didn't know about Veenhof's boudoir business. When Steele
admires the photograph one last time, she grabs the magazine, tosses it into the replace, and kisses him.
Movies:
Hide in Plain Sight, James Caan, Jill Eikenberry, United Artists 1979.
Notes:
The time of day seems to get a little confused. Laura and Steele visit Ford Stevens at 6pm, then take
Veenhof to his studio that evening. Presumably, Mildred runs the computer search the next morning, but
this doesn't mesh with the fact that Colby picks up the licence plate trace from a pay phone at night. And,
of course, the big chase at the golf course takes place in broad daylight.
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Grappling Steele
5709
70
Rick Mittleman
Don Weis
10/29/85 10p Laura and Steele protect a popular pro wrestler who's been receiving death threats and has
05/17/86 10p had a series of \accidents".
Whitney Chambers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kim Ulrich
Crunch Kramer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gary Kasper
Todd Myerson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Boyd Gaines
Al Molinski . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lawrence Tierney
\Dangerous" Darryl Simmons . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tim Rossovich
Arthur Shelby . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dan Hamilton
Ringmaster? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jay Louden
Mary Molinski . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Adele Rosse
Jake Riley? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bud David
? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Garrick Dowd
? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Steven Barr
Young man? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joe Nesnow
For a `night out for the girls', Mildred takes Laura to a pro-wrestling match. Laura is hardly amused,
but Mildred eats it up; clearly it isn't her rst time. After Dangerous Darryl (the bad guy) dispatches his
opponent, he challenges Crunch Kramer to a grudge match. Crunch then comes over to say hi to Mildred.
Crunch hires Laura to investigate the death threats he's received and a mysterious accident at the gym.
Steele asks Mildred why Crunch is back, since he already rejected the case. Mildred explains that she wants
the real boss to decide whether the case is worth pursuing. Steele insists that it's all just a publicity stunt,
and Laura challenges him to prove it.
Steele visits Arthur Shelby, Crunch's manager, and also Dangerous Darryl's manager. Shelby denies
that he is responsible for the death threats. Meanwhile, Crunch takes Laura to the rest home to meet his
dad, Al Molinski. (Al calls Crunch `Mike'.) Al disapproves of Crunch's girlfriend, soap opera star Whitney
Chambers. Outside, Crunch notes that the judge left his ex-wife Mary with nothing except a $1 million life
insurance policy on him. Laura and Crunch visit Mary, but nobody answers. After Laura goes to talk to
the neighbors, Crunch breaks in a window and is greeted by Mary, who pulls a gun and takes shots at him.
Laura arrives in time to disarm her.
Laura and Steele meet at the gym, where Laura is pleased with herself for solving the case. While there,
they hear a call for help and see dead body fall out of the sauna, the door to which had been jammed shut.
(So much for Laura's theory.) The attendant panics and runs, \Crunch Kramer is dead!" But the dead
man is Arthur Shelby. Laura nds a parking token, and gures that Crunch was the intended victim, since
Shelby was wearing a `Crunch Kramer' robe. Steele suspects Darryl, whom he had come to visit. Whitney
Chambers arrives and is relieved to nd that Crunch is okay. Todd Myerson (her director) asks her to return
to the studio, but she wants to stay with Crunch. Todd exchanges harsh words with Crunch.
Crunch is called to the retirement home; his father has collapsed. Al fainted when he heard the news
report that Crunch had died, but he's okay now. He sends Whitney to fetch some water, and scolds Crunch
for wasting his college degree on pro-wrestling. Outside, Whitney explains to Steele that Al never liked her,
believing that she's just seeing him to further her own career. She says that Todd believes the publicity
surrounding her relationship with Crunch will ruin her acting and singing career. Yes, singing; she's doing
a live special the next evening. Todd is so upset, he even accused Shelby of arranging the whole thing.
Laura and Steele drive to the studio, where they nd that the parking token Laura found is for the lot
at Blueberry Productions. They level their accusation at Todd, who admits making the threats on Crunch's
life and roughing up Shelby, but denies killing him. Laura and Steele think they have the case wrapped up,
but they get a phone call: While they were talking to Todd, there was another attempt on Crunch's life.
They go to the sound stage for Whitney's special. Crunch gured he'd make a surprise entrance from a
hanging moon prop, but the chain snapped and he fell. The stage manager says the chain was cut. Laura and
Steele accompany Crunch to his rehearsal with Darryl, where Darryl gets mean and Crunch keeps reminding
him to stick to the script. They watch Crunch execute his trademark of bouncing o all four sides of the
ring before pinning Darryl. Laura leaves Crunch with his father for safekeeping and asks Al to come to the
match as a show of support, but he refuses. Laura thinks Whitney might be the killer. Meanwhile, Steele
146
visits Dangerous Darryl posing as an adoring fan. Darryl is furious at Crunch, upset that he's always the
bad guy. What's more, Crunch owns his contract. \I wish he was dead."
Laura visits the set of `Rage to Live' posing as an intern in television directing. She learns that Whitney
had locked herself in her dressing room from 11am to 2pm and suspects she snuck out to kill Shelby. Laura
returns to the oce as Steele nishes making a dinner reservation for two to celebrate the conclusion of
the case. Unfortunately, they've come to dierent conclusions. Laura think it's Whitney; Steele thinks it's
Darryl. Laura suspects Whitney killed Shelby because he wouldn't let Crunch appear on her show. Laura
and Steele start to get cozy, but are interrupted by Mildred, who has tickets to that evening's match.
The match opens with Whitney singing a pop version of the national anthem. Present in the audience
are Al, Mary, and Todd. The match goes on, and when Crunch gets to his trademark routine, the ropes
on the ring break, sending Crunch into the crowd. Dangerous Darryl wins by forfeit. Afterwards, Steele
inspects the ropes, to nd they've been cut. They pay a visit to Darryl, who makes a run for it, but `Hatpin
Millie' helps capture him.
Laura and Steele are dancing in his apartment, but are interrupted by Mildred. She claims they got the
wrong man. She watched Whitney's show and realized that Whitney was supposed to descend on the moon
all along; whoever cut the cable was trying to kill her. This leaves Darryl motive-less, and Laura gures out
who the real killer is.
They rush to the sound stage and call Whitney in her dressing room, warning her that Al Molinski is
the killer. But before she can lock the door, Al comes in, and she makes a run for it. Laura stays in the
control room to try to turn on the lights (managing only to create lots of havoc by pushing levers), while
Steele goes down to rescue Whitney, which he does.
At the oce, Laura reads the psychiatric report on Al Molinski. The thought of losing Crunch to show
business proved more than he could handle, and it seems he may never go to trial. Laura comes up with a
concluding movie reference.
Movies:
A Bill of Divorcement, John Barrymore, Katherine Hepburn, RKO 1932.
Notes:
Steele's outt as adoring fan Harley Ferguson (dressed as a drinking water delivery man) and Laura's
as the intern (oversized sweater, uy hair, big glasses, and heart pendant earrings) are a riot.
The bit about the temperamental TV star might or might not be an inside joke.
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Forged Steele
5710
71
Rick Mittleman
Harry Harris
11/12/85 10p During a 36-hour period that Steele can't remember, it seems that he gambled away the
04/05/86 10p agency in a high-stakes poker game.
Harry Cranston . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ron Masak
Christy McCall . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stephanie Blackmore
Reuben Saltzman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Richard Minchenberg
Detective . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Corey
B. J. Sinclair . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Monica Lewis
Kevin Fairbanks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Earl Boen
Debbie Rebello? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sandra Kronenmeyer
Dolores? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Janis Ward
Wednesday afternoon, Steele arrives for a client interview with B. J. Sinclair, and he is pleasantly
surprised that B. J. is an attractive woman who is anxious to mix business with pleasure. They leave for a
night on the town. Steele wakes up in a hotel room and learns that it's Friday morning. He arrives at the
oce, to nd it redecorated, and Mildred and Laura are ecstatic to see him and beg him to say it isn't true.
Steele learns that he apparently got drunk, entered a high-stakes poker game at the Colony Park Club, and
gambled away the agency to Harry Cranston. Steele denies everything.
Cranston wants to turn the agency into a high-prole agency by pursuing tabloid-style cases. Reuben
Saltzman (the agency's attorney) stops by with a handwriting expert he hired to prove that Steele's signature
on the promissory note is a forgery. Unfortunately, Kevin Fairbanks has consulted with two other eminent
colleages, and all three agree that it is a genuine signature. Reuben says he'll see what he can do about a
restraining order.
On their way to see Sinclair, Laura is unusually understanding. They arrive, and Steele is not surprised
that the butler says Miss Sinclair is out of town. Steele forces his way in to nd the furniture covered with
sheets. B. J. comes down on her way out of town, and scolds him for getting drunk and abandoning her at
the club.
Laura is still on Steele's side and insists they follow the story until they nd a hole in it. At the
Colony Park Club, Steele is recognized by the doorman, the ma^tre d', and Dolores, whom Steele had given
a bracelet. Steele snatches it back and leaves.
They return to the oce to nd that Cranston has red Mildred and replaced her with a ditzy Debbie
Rebello. Mildred leaves tearfully with her things, and Laura rushes after her to apologize. Meanwhile, Steele
lifts a letter from Cranston's pocket to get his home address. Outside the oce, Laura oers to help Reuben
with the paperwork, while Steele and Mildred wait outside Cranston's apartment for him to leave (with
Debbie) in the limo, then break in and nd he has his own collection of phony passports.
Steele returns to the oce at night, confused that everything is back to normal, the front door, the
furniture, and Mildred's nameplate. He wanders into his oce to nd a hole in the oor. He goes down and
sees an open safe. The lights go on, and Norman Keyes explains that he's under arrest for the $6 million
jewel heist in the oce below his.
At the interrogation, the detective nds Steele's story completely preposterous. Everybody in his story
either doesn't exist or doesn't know Steele. Reuben comes in and tells Steele that his oce was broken into;
the promissory note was stolen. Keyes asks Steele why he returned to the scene of the crime, and brags how
he's going to bust him big time.
Mildred visits Steele in jail and explains that bail was set at $500,000, way beyond the agency's assets.
Meanwhile, Laura watches the police turn Steele's apartment upside-down in search of the jewels. Keyes
suggests Laura cooperate with the police to cut herself clear of Steele, but she says she'd rather take her
chances with Steele. The detective nds the diamonds hidden in the refrigerator.
Laura calls Mildred: \We're in trouble, and I need your help." Mildred pays a visit to Keyes in a
restaurant and pretends to turn against Steele. Keyes says the diamonds he found were only worth $200,000,
so his job isn't over. Mildred notes that, if he were released, Steele would probably head right for where he
hid the rest of them. Keyes decides to have Vigilance Insurance put up bail anonymously, so he can follow
Steele to the jewels.
148
Laura pays another visit to the Sinclair residence, to nd a `For sale' sign on the front lawn. She nds
that the real B. J. Sinclair is an elderly woman, who just arrived home from a vacation. Laura describes the
mystery woman, and B. J. identiers her as Christy McCall, her realtor.
Reuben talks to Steele and doesn't understand how Steele managed to get bail posted for him. Laura
arrives to pick up Steele, and Steele takes her for a walk. Laura admits that when Steele got arrested, her
trust wavered, and Steele reassures her that he is not leaving her. They go to Christy McCall's apartment,
where they nd Cranston's briefcase, and Cranston's body in the bedroom. Keyes and Mildred arrive, and
Mildred clonks Keyes on the head so the trio can escape.
At a Chinese restaurant, Laura goes through the contents of the briefcase and concludes that Cranston
invited Christy to take part, but she got greedy. Laura nds a charge slip for the boat `The Graceful Lady',
and when she spots the police around her car parked outside, they sneak out the back way. Laura drops the
briefcase and has no time to collect the papers. Keyes and the police go through the briefcase, and Keyes
nds the charge slip.
On the boat, Laura, Steele, and Mildred nd a travel itinerary for `Mr. and Mrs. Harry Cranston', and
the plane leaves the airport in two hours. Steele stumbles over Christy's dead body. Mildred asks, \Who's
left?" Laura spots Keyes coming, and they sail the boat away. Keyes commandeers a boat and boards `The
Graceful Lady', to nd Christy's dead body and nobody else on board. He looks back ashore to see our
sleuths waving good-bye and stealing his car.
Laura, Steele, and Mildred wait at the airport. When Laura spots Debbie, Steele sends Mildred to call
security. They're even more surprised to see Reuben join her. Steele and Laura grab them, and Reuben
drops the diamonds. Mildred arrives with airport security and Keyes, who levels his accosation at Steele,
but Steele congratulates Keyes on nabbing the real culprits, Reuben and Debbie.
The next day, Laura and Steele read the newspaper headline, `Diamond Caper Solved!' Reuben also represented the diamond exchange downstairs. A chronic gambler, when he found himself in debt to Cranston,
he hatched the scam, and Cranston called in his girlfriend Debbie and her friend Christy. Reuben fell
head-over-feels for Debbie and decided to steal away with her. And Reuben got Steele's signature on the
promissory note because he was always handing Steele papers to sign and probably slipped it in the middle
of a pile. Steele asks Laura what the rst order of business is, when he falls through the oorboards.
Movies:
Thirty-Six Hours, James Garner, Rod Taylor, MGM 1964.
The Great Impostor, Tony Curtis.
North by Northwest, Cary Grant, Eva Marie Saint, directed by Alfred Hitckcock, MGM 1959.
Notes:
Cranston's passports are Albert Nimms (Australia), William Parcell (England), and Victor Belski (Sweden).
The `clonk Keyes on the head with the telephone while pretending to call the police' trick was used by
Laura in Diced Steele.
The `tie the boat's steering wheel and leave it on autopilot' trick was used by Steele in Steele At It.
149
Corn Fed Steele
5712
72
Pamela Norris
Don Weis
11/19/85 10p Laura and Steele get caught up in a feud between corporate and family farmers when they
05/31/86 10p try to nd the swine who stole $2 million worth of prize breeding porkers.
Preston Hayes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Harry Groener
Sheri Dwight Cliord . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joe A. Dorsey
Frank Willard . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . William Frankfather
Jessica Swenson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joan McMurty
Mary Shepherd . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mary McCusker
Mel Brundage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dennis Pratt
Dr. Carlos Perez . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rudy Ramos
Karen Stiers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ann McMurray
Buck Shepherd . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bruce Fairbairn
Deputy? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gary Paget
Townswoman? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mindi Iden
At night, a backwoods-type sneaks past security and smiles when he nds. . . pigs? Back in Los Angeles,
Steele talks to Laura in a roundabout way about taking a boat trip, but is interrupted by prospective clients
who want them to locate $2 million worth of swine swiped from a high-tech experimental pig-breeding farm,
and the pigs must be recovered within 48 hours, else they'll be worthless. Steele and Laura turn them
down, but reconsider when Mildred explains she invested $55,000 of the agency's own money in the pigs
from the discretionary funds. Steele conrms with Mildred that this means any checks written against the
discretionary funds will bounce, then gets a promise from Dr. Perez that he'll buy out their shares as soon
as he recovers the pigs. Once everybody leaves, he calls Marty asking him not to cash the check for the boat
until Steele can, er, transfer the funds.
Laura's hay fever starts acting up as the trio arrive in Grainville, Iowa, to nd the farmers outside the
bank building, mad at Frank Willard, the bank president, for foreclosing on Mel Brundage. Inside the bank,
Willard's assistant Jessica stands up for the farmers, and Willard is upset at her for granting the farmers
loan extensions, which is the cause of the problem in the rst place.
Sherrif Dwight Cliord explains to Steele and Laura that Progressive Farms has been closed due to the
recent theft. He gives them directions to its parent company, Agritech, but warns them to watch their backs.
Laura and Steele pay a visit to Agritech and meet Preston Hayes, whom Laura evenutally recognizes from
Stanford. Preston explains that Agritech has been buying out small farms that have failed, so the farmers
are against them. Laura suspects the àccidental' res and oods that have accelerated the foreclosures are
Preston's doing, but Preston assures her that he doesn't need any such stunts. Preston suspects that a
disgruntled farmer swiped the pigs as revenge. He knows that the pigs are still around, somewhere, since
the sheri set up roadblocks. Laura gets the key to the scene of the crime from Preston, who asks her to
dinner. Steele drags Laura away before she can answer.
While investigating an open door, they wander into a grain silo, where Laura nds a package of chewing
tobacco. The door shuts behind them, and the silo begins lling with grain, but luckily stops lling before
they are buried.
Dwight isn't much help, but Mildred prevails on him to help them nd the pigs. The town doesn't have
a motel, but he points them at Buck and Mary Shepherd who agree to take them in. Laura contemplates
the plight of the American farmer and notes how the loss of $55,000 pales in comparison to the loss of one's
livelihood; Steele is hardly convinced and phones Marty to ask him to hold up on the check for a little
while longer. At the auction of Mel's farm equipment, Steele learns that Mel is the only one who chews the
brand of tobacco Laura found. Mel publicly blames Willard for setting the re. Preston stops by, and Laura
`congratulates' him on Agritech's success, and Preston says he has a feeling that Buck and Mary's farm will
soon be his. Laura cozies up to him so she can meet the bank president.
Willard denies burning down the farms; every farm that burns down is a loan that defaults. \I'd be out
of business right now if it wasn't for Agritech." Preston informs Willard that Agritech plans on shifting their
banking to Chicago. Willard takes Preston into the next room and returns with the proud announcement
that Agritech will continue to do business with the bank after all.
Laura and Steele visit Mel's farm, where they spot a pig before Mel chases them o with gunre. The
sheri needs a reason to arrest Mel, but has an idea. That evening, Laura and Steele watch Mel's farm in the
150
pickup, while Mildred and Dwight watch in a police vehicle. Laura seems to have licked her hay fever, but
now it's Steele that sneezes. Meanwhile, Mildred and Dwight become better acquainted themselves. Dwight
admits that, since his wife left him, he's been alone. They follow a truck that leaves Mel's farm, and Steele
is ecstatic when in the truck he nds the pigs. They also nd Mel crouched over Willard's dead body.
Laura refuses to let go; she insists Mel was framed. Steele is anxious to go home, but reconsiders when
the sheri impounds the pigs as evidence. While Steele makes another phone call, Laura talks to Mel in jail,
who explains that somebody called him and said he wanted to buy the pigs. When Laura asks who knew
he had the pigs, he explains that everybody (except the sheri) knew, and now that they think he killed
Willard, he's their hero.
When the Shepherd farm burns down, Buck says he's quitting the farming business, but Mary insists on
staying. Laura angrily drives to Agritech where Preston denies setting the re, but isn't forthcoming about
his whereabouts last night, nor what Willard said to him to change his mind at the bank.
Steele catches Buck and Jessica together. Jessica says that apparently Williard wasn't a very good
banker; the bank is close to failing. Steele talks to Mel about Jessica Swenson. She grew up in town, even
dated Buck for a while, but had her sights set high; rather ironic that she ends up back in Grainville as
a banker. She was always encouraging the farmers to take out loans and experiment with new farming
techniques.
Steele and Laura are stranded in a corneld when their engine is sabotaged. They dodge a cropduster
attack, as well as a gun-toting driver, until they are picked up by Mildred. Laura confronts Preston, who
admits that last night he was in Des Moines with the sheri's ex-wife; he's the reason she left him. And
that's the secret Willard was holding over him. He insists Agritech isn't responsible for recent events and
identies the orange pickup that shot at them as Buck Shepherd's.
Steele suspects that Jessica has been keeping two sets of loan records, and when he and Mildred break
into Jessica's oce, Buck bursts out, and they give chase. Meanwhile, Laura arrives at the Shepherd residence
to nd Mary bound and gagged and makes a run for it when Jessica goes after her. In the van, Mildred looks
over the books and realizes that Jessica would loan a farmer $50,000, but enter it in the books as $75,000,
then pocket the dierence. Then Buck would torch the farm, and the bank would be none the wiser. Steele
sends Mildred to fetch the sheri, while he chases Buck on foot.
Laura ducks into a barn, and when Jessica comes in, she disarms her. Meanwhile, Steele is being chased
by a tractor, and the ground tiller is down. He stumbles, but grabs onto the underside of the tractor to
avoid being turned into ground meat, then punches out Buck when he stops the tractor.
Back in town, Mel thanks our sleuths for clearing him, and Laura explains that Jessica had to kill
Willard so that the bank would fail and nobody would discover her handiwork. Buck torched his own place
so he would have a reason to divorce Mary and run o with Jessica. Preston gives Steele a reward check for
recovering the pigs. Mildred and Dwight bid each other farewell, and Steele gets a phone call from Marty.
\Wants to know if you still want that boat or not." Laura asks, \What boat?" Steele sneezes.
Movies:
Witness, Harrison Ford, Kelly McGuinness, Paramout 1985.
North by Northwest, Cary Grant, James Mason, MGM 1959.
Easy Rider.
Notes:
Laura's hay fever (and her hairstyle) come from Small Town Steele.
Who saw the North by Northwest reference coming?
Incidental music provided by Donald Nemitz.
Closing music is dierent again. This time, on a saxophone or something.
151
73
Gerald Sano
12/03/85 10p
05/24/86 10p
Premium Steele
5711
Gabrielle Beaumont
\The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated", or so claims garlic farmer Lester
Shane when a phony obituary threatens to ruin his life.
Monroe Henderson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Richard Lawson
Lester Shane . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James Staley
Norman Maxwell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mark Withers
Philip Lydon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dennis Howard
Rob O'Connell . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vaughn Armstrong
Miss Carter? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . K. T. Sullivan
Receptionist? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Laura Malone
Deputy Coroner Rossfeld . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dierk Torsek
Coroner? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Burton Collins
In the city, a man frantically buys every newspaper from the rack, while in the oce, Steele studies
the manual for his new VCR. He is greeted by a new client, a garlic farmer Lester Shane in Los Angeles
on business, who explains that, ever since his obituary was printed in the local papers, all his clients have
cancelled, the newspaper says they have a copy of his death certicate, and in his home town, \if I drive real
fast, I might make it back in time for my memorial service."
Laura and Steele pay a visit to the obituary secretary and Steele uses his charm to get a copy of the
death certicate. Steele pays a visit to Dr. Rossfeld, the coroner who signed the death certicate, who
pronounces the signature a forgery. Laura goes to Weil Mortuary, to nd the doors locked tight. She peeks
in a window to see a roomful of women busily doing paperwork, then is caught by a tall gentleman who
explains that Weil Mortuary closed two years ago. When Laura asks what is going on inside, he merely says,
\We process forms here."
At the oce, Laura suspects somebody is trying to cash in on Lester's life insurance, but unfortunately,
Lester doesn't have any. Steele guesses perhaps his wife wants his estate all to herself, but Lester says
everything is in her name already. When Steele learns that Lester was once an electrical engineer, he recruits
him to install the VCR. While crossing the street, a car tries to run Lester down, and Steele saves him,
destroying his VCR in the process.
Before taking Lester to his apartment, Steele pays a visit to electronics dealer Monroe Henderson, an
old buddy who calls Steele `Mick' and has decided to turn honest for a change. He gets his VCR exchanged,
no questions asked, and learns that his four-foot screen has already been installed. (And he didn't even have
to give Monroe the keys to his apartment, wink wink.)
At the apartment, Lester complains of a `slight compatibility problem' in hooking up the VCR. Steele
leaves with Laura to go snooping around the mortuary. The break in to nd the room that was once bustling
with activity completely empty, not even furniture. Laura pays a late-night visit to Dr. Rossfeld posing as a
`Federal Delivery Service' delivery girl and gets his signature for a package (which turns out to be a copy of
Your VCR Buying Guide.)
Laura and Steele return to his apartment to nd Lester and Mildred still ghting with the VCR because
it came with the wrong manual. Mildred dug up that Rossfeld has lots more money than one would expect
from a county coroner, and the signature on the death certicate matches the one he gave for the package.
Mildred also turned up that the mortuary building is owned by Perennial Corporation. Laura plans their
next move, then turns around to nd everybody has left for Steele's bedroom to play with the VCR.
Steele pays Monroe another visit and demands the correct manual. Monroe promises that he'll do even
better; he'll send his best man over to install the VCR. Laura pays a visit to Norman Maxwell, successful
broker, and former boyfriend who is disappointed that Laura's visit is not a social call. Norm explains that
Perennial is a blanket corporation that is doing exceedingly well. He's invested not only his clients in it, but
also himself. He oers to arrange a meeting with Perennial's president, a college classmate of his.
Steele pays another visit to Rossfeld, to nd that he died that morning of a hit-and-run. Meanwhile
Mildred, at Laura's request, has been locating the people whom Weil Mortuary had issued death certicates
for in the past two years. Laura pays a visit to Mr. Lydon, who explains that they bought the Weil Mortuary
building purely as a real estate investment. He oers to check into the unusual activity inside, and after
Laura leaves, the man who accosted Laura outside the mortuary comes in and says, \That woman has
become a liability we can't aord."
152
Laura returns to the oce to nd it swarming with the people Mildred found. It was Steele's idea to
physically bring them together, and Laura scolds him for overspending. Steele explains that there's a new
twist: Rossfeld's dead. Steele and Laura can't nd anything linking Lester to the eight others. Steele takes
Lester back to his apartment, to nd a young man picking the lock. \Relax, man. Monroe sent me." The
door blows up in his face.
Laura is about to open the door to her loft, when she is greeted by Norman. He asks to win her heart
back over a cup of coee, but she explains, \I'm committed." But she invites him in for coee, to nd inside
a ratty-looking Steele holding what's left of the bomb he removed from her door, having come in through
the window. Steele explains what happened and realizes that they're onto something big. Norm reassure
Laura that Perennial is not involved. Steele tells Laura he's booked them into a motel for safekeeping, but
has one errand to run.
Steele visits Monroe and breaks the sad news. After they discuss the matter and the time they spent
together, Monroe says he wants to help nail the guy who did it. Steele arrives at the motel, where Laura
has been waiting for him. Steele admits he's scared, and Laura thanks him for saving her life, and just \for
being you".
The next day, after having no success at nding a common denominator, Laura nally stumbles over
one: Everybody involved had at one point applied for life insurance with Perennial, but decided not to enrol
for some reason. But it still makes no sense, since none of the people were cheated out of any money by
Perennial.
Steele and Monroe pose as Detective Saunders and a recently-apprehended car thief trying to break into
Lydon's car. While Lydon is taken outside to survey the damage, Laura poses as the plant lady and goes
into Lydon's oce. There, she nds something in Lydon's computer and prints it out. But she is greeted
by the man from the mortuary. Steele returns Lydon to his oce, but spots Laura's basket still outside and
bursts in with Monroe to save her and knock out the bad guys.
Norman looks over the papers and explains that Perennial invented fake life insurance policies on the
people once they moved out of Los Angeles, then sold the policies to other companies. They would then
`kill' the policyholders, and the other companies would pay the benets to Perennial, intending them to pass
them on to the beneciary, but Perennial just pocketed the money. Lester Shane was just unlucky enough
to visit Los Angeles on the wrong day. Norman realizes that, not only is his friend Lydon nished, but so is
he. He invested his and all his clients' money in Perennial; he's ruined.
Laura stares o into space on Steele's balcony, wondering what she would do if her world fell apart.
Inside, Lester and Mildred get Gone with the Wind up on the VCR, but Steele says to Laura, \Frankly my
dear, I don't give a damn," and kisses her.
Movies:
Gone with the Wind.
DOA, Edmond O'Brien, Luther Adler, United Artists 1949.
Gaslight, Charles Boyer, Ingrid Bergman, MGM 1944.
The List of Adrian Messenger, George C. Scott, Kirk Douglas, Universal 1963.
Notes:
Always fun to watch Laura in strange disguises, this time as a gum-chewing delivery girl and a hippie
plant lady.
The computer in Lydon's oce looks like it was just running GWBASIC; you can see the function key
template along the bottom and a directory listing on the screen.
The violin countertheme is back for the closing music.
153
Coee, Tea or Steele
5714
74
Robin Bernheim
Christopher Hibler
12/10/85 10p The body of a hired killer pops up on the baggage carousel of a luxury airline. Meanwhile,
06/07/86 10p Mildred doesn't see eye-to-eye with an intern Steele wants to hire.
Ace Ketcham . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . George Coe
Chuck McBride . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry O'Quinn
Marvin T. Slaughtman, Jr. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Zarchen
Lorraine Maywood . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Julie Montgomery
Wanda Sutton . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Patricia Alice Albrecht
Barry Holder . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Will Jeries
Coroner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Richard Erdman
Bi . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Francis Clarke
Sally Devon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Robyn Peterson
Mr. Dayton . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Greg Monaghan
Carl . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Don DeMita
When the passengers aboard a luxury airline land in Los Angeles, they are shocked to nd a dead body
among the baggage to be claimed. At the oce, Laura arrives at work to learn that Steele is interviewing for
an intern position without her knowledge. She is introduced to Marvin Slaughtman, then drags Steele into
her oce to express her disapproval, which is only enhanced when it becomes clear that Marvin is Steele's
personal errand boy.
Laura drags Steele away to talk to their new client, Mr. Ketcham of Platinum Air, who wants them to
nd out who the dead man is and where he came from. It must have come from the ight crew, since theirs
is the only baggage that isn't checked. Moreover, the lab boys say the body was dead long before it arrived
in baggage claim. He asks the agency to keep the media out of it, fearing the publicity.
Steele poses as high-ying investor Trevor Keach and takes advantage of Laura rôle as a stewardess to
be his classic obnoxious self. On board, Steele chats with Barry Holder, an investor. Meanwhile, Laura is
introduced to Sally, Wanda, and Lorraine, her coworkers, and tries to remain calm as they drool over Trevor
Keach. She also learns about the company rule against fraternizing with the passengers after hours. When
Laura delivers coee to the cockpit, she has to deect the advances of the copilot Bi. After the plane lands,
Laura watches Wanda greet Barry. Wanda protests, but he kisses her, and they leave together. Meanwhile,
Steele pokes around the babbage claim machinery and gets clonked on the head.
The stewardesses go to their respective hotel rooms, where Laura nds Bi already inside. When he
starts coming onto her, Sally pops in, then backs out angrily. Bi dashes out to repair the damage. Steele
arrives, and Laura tends to his injuries, and they realizes that all the players have alibis except for Captain
McBride and Freddie the ight engineer. They are about to kiss, but are interrupted by a telephone call from
Mildred. She and Marvin compete to give the information they found: The dead man is Johnny Beldon, a
contract killer, and his `trademark' is two bullet holes at the base of the neck. Outside, Bi hears Laura and
Steele getting cozy, then Laura sends Steele o, \Company policy."
On the next ight, Bi confronts Laura with his knowledge about her and Trevor, while Steele is given
a tour of the cockpit and talks to the crew; McBride has no explanation for his whereabouts the previous
evening. Wanda is visibly disturbed, and Laura's chat with her is interrupted by Sally, who warns Laura to
keep her hands o Bi. And Steele continues to be obnoxious to Laura in the guise of a demanding customer.
Back at the oce, Mildred and Marvin continue to argue and try to one-up each other. Laura privately
tells Steele to get rid of Marvin, but when Marvin tells Steele that he got him theater tickets for the VIP
box, Steele says nothing. After Laura and Steele leave, Barry comes in and pretends to be a reporter for
Time magazine doing a cover story on detective agencies.
Laura and Steele pay a visit to an airport nightclub, where Laura cozies up to McBride. Steele is
supposed to follow, but gets pulled aside by Lorraine, who pits him against her boyfriend Carl. While Laura
stalls to give Steele time to follow, McBride spots a newspaper headline: \Platinum Air, Meat Wagon in the
Sky" with Steele and Laura's pictures prominently displayed. Steele eventually dispatches Carl, but when
he goes outside, Laura and McBride are gone.
McBride takes Laura to his place and tricks her into blowing her cover. Laura confronts him with the
name Johnny Belden, but he insists he had nothing to do with it. He's about to explain when Steele bursts
in, and McBride makes a run for it. They give chase, and Laura shoves him into the pool.
154
While Laura dries out, McBride explains that he and a friend have been smuggling pastrami from New
York to Honolulu and macadamia nuts on the return trip. He admits he was the one who clonked Steele in
the baggage room, but explains that he panicked when he saw the headline.
Mr. Ketcham is furious at the publicity, but Laura reassures him that it's all part of their plan. After
he leaves, Laura and Steele put Mildred in the hot seat, and she returns the accusation that they are trying
to undermine her authority with Marvin and quits.
Steele pays Mildred a visit at home, and has to break in when she refuses to answer the door. He begs
her to return, and she says she knew that Steele hired Marvin to run his personal errands now that she
spending her time on agency business. Steele convinces her to return, but not before agreeing to help her get
her own investigator's licence and giving her a $100/week raise. Laura arrives and is pleased that Mildred
is back, though Steele avoids telling her how much it cost him.
Laura and Steele pay a visit to the medical examiner to inspect a body which washed ashore, with two
bullet holes at the base of the neck. The coroner estimates the body was dead for at least four days. Back
at the oce, Mildred is particularly chipper and keeps asking Steele if he's told Laura yet, which he hasn't.
They get a call from Sally that Wanda is hysterical, and after they leave, Marvin apologizes to Mildred
before leaving, but Mildred warms up to him and lets him stay.
Laura amd Steele go to Wanda's apartment, but she doesn't answer. Sally and Bi stop by, and Bi
produces the key to the apartment. Inside, they nd the bedroom has been ransacked, and no sign of Wanda.
Mildred and Marvin stop by with a new development: The body that washed ashore was that of an SEC
agent investigating Holder Investments. (And this time, they keep trying to give each other credit for nding
it.)
Laura asks Mr. Ketcham to ground all ights, on the assumption that Barry will make a run for it.
While searching the airplane, they spot Barry dragging Wanda across the runway, and ask Captain McBride
to give chase. Wanda manages to get away, and Steele jumps o the wing to subdue Barry.
Laura and Steele explain to Mr. Ketcham that Holder used the airline's well-heeled customers as victims
in an investment scheme, and he hired Beldon to dispatch the SEC investigator, then asked Wanda (who
was unaware of the plot) to check the body as her own luggage. He then dumped the body into the Pacic,
so that it would wash ashore while he was in New York. When the contract killer got greedy, Barry killed
him and tried to pull o the trick a second time, but a fault in the baggage system uncovered the body.
Mildred and Marvin arrive, and while Marvin fetches the car, Mildred says she's going to tutor him on
the side. She then leaves Steele to talk to Laura about their new agreement. \At least we get to keep our
oces."
Notes:
Episode was originally scheduled for 10/15/85.
Observe that Steele doesn't cast a shadow when he wanders through the baggage claim machinery, even
though he's holding the lighter in front of him.
155
Dancer, Prancer, Donner and Steele
5708
75
Elliot Lewis and Michael Gleason.
Christopher Hibler.
12/17/85 10p Three menacing Santas crash the agency's oce party, take Laura, Steele and the guests
hostage, and threaten to blow up the building if they're not given $2 million.
Allison Greene . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alexandra Borrie
Donner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Del Regno
Prancer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tom Everett
Dr. S. Wilson Scabbard . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Larry Gelman
Dancer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Don Gordon
Jack Dendra . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Peter Jurasik
SWAT Captain . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Keenan
Eva Wilson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jennifer Tilly
Albert Hastings? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Paul Mantee
Felix Cradle? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Newell Tarrant
While Mildred runs the agency Christmas party, Steele mopes in his oce on the unseasonably warm
weather. Laura calls from her loft nishing her gift wrapping to say she's on her way. Mildred introduces
the plant lady, Eva Wilson, who keeps saying, \I can't stay long." Steele greets Jack Dendra, Allison Greene
(advertising executive), and Dr. Scabbard (a podiatrist), and bumps into a Santa on his way out. But he
doesn't get out the door, since Santa pulls a gun. Laura (loaded with gifts) leads a second Santa to the
oce and walks into a gun. A third Santa appears, and conrms that he is `nished with the deliveries'.
When Scabbard tries to sneak out, he gets shot in the foot. When asked what they're going to do, Dancer
explains, they're waiting for Blitzen.
Laura and Steele tend to Scabbard's foot in Steele's oce, and Prancer sends Laura to fetch the agency's
gun. In the reception area, Dancer instructs Mildred to hunt for the gun, while Eva drowns the plants in
water. Mildred nds the gun and pockets it, then pulls the gun on Prancer. Dancer dares her to pull the
trigger, and Steele dives in and grabs the gun. Steele and Dancer point guns at each other, and Steele backs
down and kicks the gun over. All are disappointed.
Later that evening, Steele shows Mildred the bullets in his pocket; the agency gun wasn't loaded. The
Santas have yet to say what they want; they're waiting for Blitzen. Jack complains about his wife and
toasts, \Here's to captivity." Eva asks to go to the bathroom, and the building owner calls; apparently, the
Santas sent a package to him in Steele's name, and once the top oor blows up, Steele reads Mr. Hastings
a message: \Unless I receive $2 million in nonconseucutive serial numbers by 7 o'clock tomorrow morning,
your building will be blown up, one oor at a time."
More time passes, and the plant lady is chanting as part of her meditation. Steele realizes that the
three Santas have a problem: How will they get away? He asks Laura if the incident with the gun lowered
her estimation of him, and Laura says, \In my opinion, both you and Mildred were far too reckless." Laura
pretends to panic and determines that Donner is unarmed.
In the reception area, Jack now misses his wife, but Dancer won't let him call. The plant lady continues
to chant. Prancer starts panicking; he wants out. Dancer gives him a gun (the agency gun), and Mildred
tells Laura the agency gun isn't loaded. \Quite an actor, our Mr. Steele," notes Laura.
At Steele's prompting, Scabbard pretends to have to go to the bathroom, and Steele accompanies him.
Steele gives Scabbard the bullets and tells him to start a re in the wastepaper basket, then put the bullets
in. In the commotion, Steele will disarm Dancer. Steele goes into the reception area, where the police call.
Dancer sends Steele out to tell them to let Blitzen through. While Steele briefs the SWAT captain on the
situation, he hears the bullets going o and realizes the plan is botched. Inside, Mildred trips Dancer as he
goes to investigate, and Laura grabs his gun. Prancer's gun doesn't re, and it looks like everything is under
control. But Eva panics and knocks the gun out of Laura's hands, and Dancer gets it. Another Santa comes
in, but he's not Blitzen; he's the Santa that the agency hired for the party, and he's absurdly drunk.
The next morning, Laura and Steele talk about Christmases past. Time is running out on the 7am
deadline, and Allison starts to panic about how she feels unfullled; she wants a baby. The phone rings; the
money is ready. Dancer sends the plant lady to get the money, over her objections. Eva doesn't return with
the money, and Dancer yells, \What the hell is going on here?" Eva sends the elevator to the lobby, then
goes into a maintenance closet. Meanwhile, Laura nds in Eva's purse a remote-controlled detonator (with
which she set o the explosion), and a tape recording of Blitzen; she electronically altered her voice to sound
156
like a man. Steele informs the captain of their ndings, and he and Laura simultaneously realize how Eva is
going to escape.
Dancer takes Allison hostage, but Mildred throws a pot of coee in his face while Laura and Steele
dispatch Donner and Prancer. Mildred takes the gun as Laura and Steele pursue Eva, who has since changed
into a police uniform. Eva scoots o on a police motorcycle, and Laura and Steele follow on another. Steele
pulls alongside and Laura hops over and subdues Eva.
At the oce, Laura, Steele, and Mildred say good-bye to their guests and wish a Merry Christmas to
the viewers at home.
Movies:
Shanghai Cobra, Monogram 1945.
The Taking of Pelham 123, Walter Matthau, Robert Shaw, United Artists, 1974.
Notes:
This is the only episode in which Laura, Steele, and Mildred directly address the camera. Presumably,
under pressure from Moonlighting ; the Bruce Willis references continue with a plot that makes you think
Die Hard.
157
Steele on the Air
5717
76
Christopher Hibler
01/07/86 10p Two disc jockeys are the prime suspects in the death of a trac reporter, but they have an
06/14/86 10p alibi: they were on the air at the time of the murder.
07/05/86 10p
Bud Tyler . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . George Pentecost
Norman Austin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John McCook
Leon Pulver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vincent Schiavelli
Jack Lyman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sanford Jensen
Rick Badham . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jere Burns
Frank Dix . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Hancock
Marcia West . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pamela Roylance
Cop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gary Stein
R. Musco . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Furlong
Truck driver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dan Halleck
As a KROT airplane takes o from the airport, Bud Tyler draws the shades on the studio window and
starts the Tyler and Austin 6am radio show. Laura wakes up (listening to it), and gets dressed. In the
studio, we see that Bud is actually providing the voices for both himself and Norman. During the trac
report, we see the KROT plane on the ground and a body being dragged towards it. On her way to work,
Laura listens to the radio and sings along to Girls Just Want to Have Fun, then listens to the trac report,
where Doug West reports engine trouble. Meanwhile, we see the dead body in the plane cockpit, and an
unseen gure starts the plane, which takes o, pilotless. Laura listens to the report, and hears the crash on
the radio; ve seconds later, she sees the plume of smoke from the crashed plane. Norman Austin sneaks
into KROT and arrives in the studio. Bud scolds him for being late.
Steele arrives for work to nd Mildred practicing her lock-picking and is pleased to learn that Laura
has yet to return from Malibu. Meanwhile, Laura explains to the police studying the wreckage that she
didn't see the plane, which should've own overhead, and the explosion on the radio occurred before the
real-life explosion. Rick Bahdam, KROT deejay, says hello as Laura nds an oil spot on the ground. She
nds evidence of something being dragged, and her suspicions of foul play are conrmed when the policeman
tells her that the coroner found a bullet in Doug West's skull. At the studio, Marcia West comes in and
kisses Norman. Bud scolds Norman for cavorting with the grieving widow. But Norman reassures Bud that
nobody could suspect him of killing Doug; he was on the air, remember?
Laura nally arrives for work at 11am, to nd Steele apologizing profusely on the phone to Laura's
missed 8am appointment, press agent Leon Pulver who wants to put them in People magazine. When Laura
informs Steele of the baing case she stumbled onto, he calls Leon with the good news.
Laura and Steele arrive at the 14-KROT (14-carat, get it?) lobby, where Rick introduces them to the
station manager Frank, who is suering through Rhymin' Lyman's latest jingle. Frank refuses to hire the
agency until Laura promises that there will be no charge unless the case is solved. Meanwhile, Dr. Pam, the
German-accented sex therapist, quits in disgust. Rick announces on the air that Laura and Steele are on
the case, which rules out any possibility of cover. Our sleuths pay a visit to Tyler and Austin, who are busy
recording a crazy sketch. Norman says that Doug and Marcia were happily married, and Bud suggests that
somebody might have intercepted the radio transmission to make it appear that Doug was still alive. Laura
concludes that the culprit is somebody at the station.
At the oce, Steele fears failure, since Leon will be describing the case in a national magazine, but
Laura looks forward to the publicity if they succeed. Leon comes in and promises, \Solve this one, the
cover's yours." Mildred (at her suggestion) is sent undercover as Dr. Krebs, marriage counselor, where she
spots Norm and Marcia kissing in the closet.
Mildred returns to the oce with her conclusions, which are conrmed when it turns out that Marcia
is the sole beneciary of Doug's life insurance policy. Moreover, Tyler and Austin are losing their audience.
But there's the matter of the on-air alibi. That evening by the fountain, Laura refuses to believe Norman is
responsible, but Steele remembers that Bud can do voices. They narrowly escape being run down by a car.
The next morning, Norman nds he has a at tire (due to Mildred's handiwork), and Laura and Steele
arrive at the station to hear the Tyler and Austin show on the air and nd Bud doing both voices. Bud
158
admits to covering for Norman. Norman nally arrives and admits he was with Marcia, but he didn't kill
Doug. Bud confesses to driving the car; he wanted to scare them o, to protect his partner.
At Steele's apartment, the photo session is under way, but Laura isn't in the spirit of the festivities. She
refuses to believe Norman and Bud were responsible, \Too dumb to pull o an ingenious crime like this."
Laura and Steele are called to jail, where Norman and Bud make a full confession. But Laura traps them in
factual errors and realizes their story is bogus. Norman admits he `confessed' because he wants Bud to be
let out; after all, Bud did nothing more than stick up for his buddy.
In Laura's loft, Laura realizes that whoever it was had to know which days Norman visited Marcia.
Mildred calls from the studio, and (over the singing of Jack Lyman) says that Rick Badham has taken over
the morning show. Laura and Steele follow Badham to a warehouse, where he switches to a van. A KROT
contest truck spots Laura's bumper sticker, and Rick realizes they're following him. Badham crashes the
van and gets away on foot. Laura and Steele look inside the van to nd record albums.
At Laura's loft, they listen to the records; the music stinks, but the albums themselves are perfect fakes.
The records aren't due out for another month; only a few deejays get promotional copies. Laura concludes
that Rick counterfeits the albums and dumps them on the market when the album is released. Laura and
Steele pay a late night visit to the warehouse, to nd Doug's ight log, which has been logging more than
trac reports. The ledger says that the prots are split three ways, among Doug, Rick and whom? They
hear noises and investigate, to nd Rick in bad shape and a jeep speeding o. Rick says he didn't kill Doug;
he was in the studio, patching in the tape of the trac report. Doug got greedy and threatened to go to the
police. Rick dies before he can name the killer.
The next morning, Laura and Steele have Bud pretend to be Rick on the morning show to see who
comes to kill him. Mrs. West comes into the station lobby and pulls a gun, demanding to see Rick for killing
Doug and framing Norman. Laura and Steeke duck for cover (all the while saying \But you couldn't have
killed your husband; you were with Norman") until she runs out of bullets. They hear another gunshot and
nd Jack Lyman trying to shoot Bud. Steele stops him.
Mildred bids farewell to her radio audience. Tyler and Austin are back on the air, and Laura and Steele
explain to Frank what happened. Lyman masterminded the counterfeiting operation, but needed help to
pull it o. He killed Doug and enlists Rick to help him cover up the murder, then feared that Rick would
talk, so he killed him as well. Leon tells Steele, \The cover's o." The execs liked it much better when it
was the deejays who were guilty.
Movies:
Body Heat, Kathleen Turner, William Hurt, Warner Brothers 1981.
The Third Man
Notes:
Cut for syndication is a scene where the radio men do a show on location as a promotion. I can't
remember how important the scene was.
The spoof of Dr. Ruth Westheimer was too obvious for words.
159
77
Brad Kern
01/14/86 10p
06/21/86 10p
Steele, Inc.
5703
Don Weis
George E. Mulch strikes again when he opens a branch oce of Remington Steele Investigations without anyone's knowledge, and botches a case so badly that the angry clients
want to kill Steele.
George Mulch . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Constantine
Reverend Randy Rawlinson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Considine
Brother Nick . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kenneth Gray
Morgue attendant? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Fran Bennett
Vickie Underwood . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Marnie Mosiman
Mrs. Underwood . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anne Seymour
Dallas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ernie Lively
Detroit? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Herman Poppi
At a bus depot, a man goes to a locker, removes an item, then places another item in its place and
mails the key. But he doesn't get far before being hit by a car. At the oce, Laura and Mildred poke their
heads in the door and eye Steele suspiciously. Laura takes Steele on an unannounced trip to the San Diego
morgue, to take a look at the body of. . . Remington Steele? The body is the man who got hit by the car, but
his identication is Steele's. When the attendant gives the address found on his body as The Bay Building,
Suite 101, Mildred gets a frightened look and acts ill. She asks for a breather, and sends Laura and Steele
o to investigate the address, then sneaks out the back way.
Mildred locates Mulch, who introduces her to Dallas, Detroit, and San Francisco. She drags him to the
morgue, where he identies the ersatz-Steele as his business partner Larry. Laura and Steele arrive at the
Bay Building, to nd a perfect mock-up of Remington Steele Investigations (except the view from Steele's
oce is dierent). Laura demands an explanation, and Steele tries to convince her he's just as clueless as
she is. A gentleman comes in, and when Steele identies himself, he pulls a gun and takes Laura and Steele.
He takes them to the Underwood estate, where the wheelchair-bound Mrs. Underwood is wheeled in by her
daughter. Mrs. Underwood apparently hired the fake Steele to deliver a package and he didn't. Laura and
Steele make their escape.
When Mildred sees the duplicate oce, she is furious. Mulch claims Mildred okayed the franchise idea,
but Mildred says she just said it sounded interesting. The postman stops by to tell them that a letter arrived
postage due, and that they can pick it up at the post oce. They rush anxiously to get it, they have a clue.
A tall gentleman follows them.
Laura and Steele drive a stolen clunker, followed by a police car, as they try to recap what they know
so far. Luckily, the police car doesn't pull them over. Meanwhile, Mildred and Mulch pick up the letter, and
the tall gentleman mistakes Mulch for Steele and takes the two away at gunpoint. Laura and Steele return
to the morgue to learn not only that Mildred has left, returned, and left again, but that the ersatz-Steele's
body has been claimed by. . . his widow?
Laura and Steele sneak onto the Underwood Estate, since Vicki ts the description given by the morgue
attendant. They nd a damaged front grill and conclude that it was the car that ran down the fake Steele.
Inside, they see Vicki and Mrs. Underwood arguing. They also see the man who took them at gunpoint
(Sean) put a body in the car trunk and drive o.
Mildred and Mulch are taken to the makeup room of Reverend Randy Rawlinson's television evangelism
show. Mildred explains to Mulch that he must pretend to be Steele to save his neck. Meanwhile, Laura and
Steele watch Sean dump the body, and they recover it. The Reverend demands the package from Mildred
and Mulch (posing as Laura and Steele). He gives them one hour but warns them that Brother Nick (the tall
gentleman) will be following them. Mildred spots a set of crutches and tosses them, yelling, \I can walk!"
She and Mulch escape in the ensuing commotion. The letter they picked up contains a locker key, and they
head for the bus depot to pick it up.
That evening, Laura and Steele are about to sneak into the Underwood estate again, but when a car
speeds out of the driveway, they give chase. Mildred and Mulch think they've lost Brother Nick and pick
up the package, but Brother Nick appears and takes it. Laura and Steele are parked outside and see the car
they followed run down Brother Nick, then a hand picks up the package, and the car speeds o.
At the Bay Building, Laura and Steele demand an explanation from Mildred and Mulch. But before
they can, the Reverend comes in and demands to talk to `Steele' and `Laura' (Mulch and Mildred). Dallas,
160
Detroit, and San Francisco pop in, and Steele hides them in Laura's oce as Mrs. Underwood comes in,
demanding the package. He takes Mrs. Underwood and Sean into the coee room to discuss the matter.
Meanwhile, Mulch reassures the Reverend that everything is under control, and when Laura comes in,
Mildred introduces her as `Mildred Krebs'. Laura pulls Mildred aside and gets an explanation. And Mulch
introduces Steele as `George Edward Mulch'.
Laura tells Mrs. Underwood she knows it was Vicki who ran down Brother Nick, but Mrs. Underwood
is willing to swear in court that Vicki was home all evening. Meanwhile, San Francisco has second thoughts
and wants out of the deal. All the players see each other in the reception area and a gunght ensues. Once
the players are disarmed, Laura takes control of the situation, but Reverend Rawlinson just walks out. Laura
and Steele leave to talk to the only person who isn't looking for the package.
They catch Vicki Underwood, busy loading her things into the trunk of her car. They learn that the
Reverend videotaped her and Nicky in bed and blackmailed Mrs. Underwood with them for $1 million.
Laura accuses her of killing the fake Steele, but when the tape wasn't among the deceased's eects, she
killed Brother Nick. Vicki denies it; after all, why would she kill Brother Nick? She loved him and they were
to run o together. She says that it was Mummy who killed the fake Steele, forced her to claim the body,
and killed Brother Nick. Laura suspects that Mrs. Underwood isn't as crippled as she appears.
Laura and Steele arrive at the Bay Building, to see Mildred and Mulch outside the oce window. Mulch
gured that the way to prove that Mrs. Underwood can walk is to set a re in the oce and lock her in, to
see if she gets up. Laura scolds him for such a harebrained stunt, and when Mrs. Underwood tries to get up
but can't, Steele breaks the window and rescues her. They realizes that it really was Vicki all along, and
that Nick allowed himself to be videotaped as part of the blackmail scheme. But where was Vicki going? At
Reverend Rawlinson's church, Vicki wheels herself to the stage in a wheelchair and pulls a gun. Steele and
Laura arrive in time to save the Reverend.
At the oce, Dallas, Detroit, and San Francisco are disappointed that the franchise idea fell through
and leave. As Steele and Laura leave, Mulch gets a call from Dallas, who is willing to pay $50,000 in cash
to reconsider, but Laura draws Steele away.
Movies:
The Maltese Falcon, Humphrey Bogart, Mary Astor.
161
78
John Wirth
01/25/86 10p
06/28/86 10p
Steele Spawning
5715
Will MacKenzie
A spoiled roly-poly importer must locate a missing shipment of Russian caviar before the
president of the company|his father|returns from abroad.
Bingham \Bing" Perret . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Louie Anderson
Ivan Strelnikov . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Allan Kolman
? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Shearin
Martin Rome . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Peter Jason
Vladimir Denisovich . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Vachik Mangassarian
Wade? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Richard Green
Smokey? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alan Halfret
Truck driver? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Adam Postil
Director? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Boyle
Bing goes to a posh supermarket and buys every case of caviar on the shelf. but as he loads them into
his car, a man approaches him and Bing manages to drive o. At his apartment, Steele tells Laura a long
story about a precious bottle of champagne, but Laura gets impatient and tells him, \Pop the cork." But
before he can, there is a knock at the door. Bing, a young, roly-poly whiner, bursts in in a panic, begging
for help; he's being followed by the man at the supermarket. When he holds up a stful of bills and says,
\Money is no object," Laura's eyes light up, and the two go outside to investigate. Steele gets coshed on
the head by the man, who is in turn coshed on the head by a second man. Laura scares the second man
o, and the rst man babbles deliriously in Russian. Laura and Steele rush back upstairs when they hear a
gunshot from the apartment, but it turns out to have been Bing opening the bottle of champagne, and the
cork went through the window. \Just put it on my bill," he explains. When Bing learns that his pursuer is
from Russia, he drops the champagne bottle and breaks a glass end-table. This pushes Steele over the edge,
and Laura does her best to keep him from strangling Bing.
At the Perret caviar warehouse, Bing explains. The Perret family (well, his father Marshall) has an
exclusive contract to import Russian caviar, but the latest $1 million shipment of caviar turns out to be
Bulgarian ball bearings. He's been unable to contact Denisovich, the commisar of caviar. Bing gets a phone
call from his father, who is on his way back to the States, and reassures him that the shipment arrived
without a hitch. He hires Steele to locate the caviar by the day after tomorrow, in time for a charity polo
match which will be attended by all his potential buyers.
While Bing prepares to spend the night on Steele's couch, the second man watches from the next
building. When Bing doesn't t on the couch, Steele lets him use the bed, only to have the bed collapse
under his weight. \Put it on my bill."
The next morning, Laura digs through piles of paper and observes that unlike all the other shipments,
the faulty shipment went through Bulgaria. She asks Mildred to try to contact Denisovich, then heads for
the polo grounds. At the grounds, Bing has trouble mounting his horse for a publicity photo, then is drawn
away by a phone call. Steele is introduced to Martin Rome, the owner of Rome's Caviar Emporium, and one
of Perret's biggest customers. Rome tells Bing that his caviar shipments are way overdue, and if doesn't get
them by the polo match, he'll take his business elsewhere. Bing goes into the stable, where the second man
calls him over and says, Ì am Vladimir Denisovich." Bing starts strangling him, demanding his caviar. But
Denisovich wants $1 million for the caviar, and gives Bing an address. The rst man appears (with a gun).
Outside, Laura and Steele see two well-dressed men go into the stable. Shots are red, Bing dashes out, and
the two suits drive o. Bing explains what happened, and Steele suspects the rst man to be KGB and the
two suits to be CIA.
While Laura and Steele follow up on the address, Denisovich oers another deal with Bing. At the
motel address, Laura and Steele are greeted by the CIA men. Steele apparently says the wrong thing, and
they decide to kill him. Laura creates a distraction, and the two make their escape.
At the oce, Bing expresses his disappointment in the agency. He complains about the bill (for the
broken merchandise), and says he recovered the caviar himself, having made a deal with Denisovich. He
discharges them from the case, and in a dramatic gesture, breaks Laura's precious lamp. In the limo, Laura
and Steele both fume at Bing. Bing calls, saying that \They're trying to kill me" as shots are heard in the
background. They reluctantly decide to help him.
162
They arrive at the warehouse, to nd Bing in no danger at all; he faked the shots. He called them
because, when he came to the warehouse, he found Denisovich dead and no caviar. They put the body in
the limo trunk, and Laura takes it to the oce, while Steele and Bing take Bing's car. But they don't get
to Bing's car before the rst man identies himself as Moscow police and arrests them for the murder of
Vladimir Denisovich. When he handcus them, Steele and Bing make a messy escape. Bing oers to go to
Rome, whose oce is nearby, but rst they have to dodge the police cars.
At the oce, Mildred uses the computer to scramble Marshall Perret's ight itinerary, to give them more
time. The Moscow cop comes in, \Do as told, nobody gets hurt." He identies himself as Ivan Strelnikov
and explains he came to the States to arrest Denisovich, and Perret was his only lead. He was tipped that
Denisovich was at the warehouse by Martin Rome. Mildred suggests that he and Laura team up, and they
become reluctant partners.
At Rome's warehouse, Laura and Ivan go through boxes of caviar and talk about their respective
countries. Meanwhile, Rome talks to Steele and Bing and calls in Wade and Smokey, whom Steele recognizes
as what he thought were the CIA men. Bing is very slow to catch on. Laura and Ivan nd Russian caviar
packaged as 100% American, and see Steele and Bing being locked in a freezer. After the henchmen leave,
Laura and Ivan rescue them.
At the oce, Laura deduces what happened. Rome bribed Denisovich to shunt the caviar shipment to
him, and send in its place the ball bearings. Rome never intended to pay up, and when Denisovich left the
Soviet Union to collect, Rome killed him. Rome's plan is to pass o the Russian caviar as American, and
thereby corner the market.
While Mildred paints a truck `Martin Rome Enterprises', Laura and Bing pose as police ocers and pull
over the real delivery truck, taking the driver away on suspicion of driving a stolen vehicle. While he's away,
Mildred and Ivan swap trucks (and keys), and Laura and Bing return the driver. At the polo grounds, Steele
and Rome exchange unpleasantries. Laura and Bing return the costumes to `Central Hollywood Studios',
and while they change, Bing decides it's time he did something himself for a change, locks Laura in the
trailer, and drives o in her car.
While the truck driver unloads a shipment of caviar, Bing arrives, and Rome's men follow him into a
stable, where he manages to escape one of them. Laura gets a ride to the polo grounds, where she saves
Laura from the other gunman. Steele is doing ne at the polo match, when he hears a scream from the
caviar tent. Rome is shocked to nd that the caviar has been replaced by ball bearings, and when he nds
Denisovich's body in another crate, he makes a run for it, but Steele catches him.
Outside Marshall Perret's oce, Laura, Steele and Mildred send Bing o with some inspiring words to
talk to his father. That evening, Steele and Laura are back in his apartment just as they were at the start of
the show, and are again interrupted, this time by Mildred and Ivan. They toast to better relations between
their two countries.
Movies:
The Macomber Aair, Gregory Peck, Robert Preston, United Artists 1947.
Notes:
Bing is so amazingly annoying you wish Steele had strangled him at the start of the show.
Curious to see Stephanie Zimbalist playing opposite a Russian character, since her grandfather (Efrem
Zimbalist, Sr.) was a Russian violinist.
163
Suburban Steele
5716
79
Robin Bernheim
Stan Lathan
02/11/86 10p Laura's sister, who's prone to exaggeration, can't convince anyone that there was a dead
man on her kitchen oor|until Steele nds a body in the trash.
Frances Piper . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Maryedith Burrell
Donald Piper . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Durrell
Vince Delgado? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Andre Gower
Terry Goldblume . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Laurie Burton
Ted Warner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tom Callaway
Harrison Bumpers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Noble Willingham
Judy Bartlett? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Valorie Armstrong
Mindy Piper? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Penina Segall
Youngest Piper . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Judith Barsi
Daniel Piper? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Rider
Postman? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nicholas Mele
Harimoto? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lloyd Kino
Hasuro? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesse Dizon
Takahomo? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Yama
Housewife #1? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Suzie Lonergan
Housewife #2? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bridget Bruce
Alan Hackston? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jon Smet
Morning at the Piper residence. Upon returning home after dropping the kids o at school, Frances
answers a knock at the back door: A man staggers in and falls dead on the oor.
Laura and Steele are on their way out of the oce for Steele to give the keynote address at the East-West
convention of criminologists. Frances calls. Laura and Mildred are fed up with Frances' akiness so Steele
takes the call. \There's a dead man in my kitchen." Over Laura's objection, they go to see Frances to calm
her down. When they arrive at the residence, the kitchen is spotless.
Mildred return from the convention with three Japanese private investigators in tow (who are deeply
honored to be able to see the oce of the great Remington Steele), to nd Steele playing with Frances' three
kids while Laura and Donald try to calm her in the oce. Steele oers to watch the kids, to let Donald and
Frances spend an evening together alone in Laura's apartment. At the Piper home, Laura and Steele try
their best to keep the kids under control, but Laura's `special spaghetti' is a op. Outside, a gunman waits.
Morning at the Piper residence, Laura and Steele presiding. A rather tattered Laura does her best to
keep a smile on her face while breakfast collapses around her. Taking out the garbage, Steele nds a body in
the trashcan. Donald and Frances return home to nd police cars in the driveway; the gunman drives away.
In Steele's oce, Laura and Steele try to console Frances, who is distraught yet again. Harrison Bumpers,
a colleague of Mildred's in the Fraud Squad, stops by and lls in the details. The body in question is that
of Felix Melcher, an IRS agent who was investigating the con man and suspected tax dodger Ted Warner,
whose current scam is Bright Age Cosmetics, a door-to-door cosmetics rm using housewives as salesmen.
Steele visits Warner, introducing the Japanese investigators as foreign investors. While Warner gives
them a tour of the cosmetics factory, Steele breaks into his safe and nds some oppy disks, which he pockets.
Mildred and Harrison study the les on the disk, but nd no sign of creative bookkeeping; everything
seems to be on the level. Steele convinces Laura to try another approach: She and Frances will pose as
prospective purveyors of cosmetics. At the Bright Age hype meeting, the life of a Bright Age cosmetics
salesperson sounds too good to be true; Frances' neighbor Judy is putting her son through college on
her commissions alone. The housewives in attendance eat up Warner's sales pitch, and Warner turns the
microphone over to Terry Goldblume, Frances' next-door neighbor, who was having an aair with Melcher.
Steele goes to pick up Donald at the university before dropping o the Japanese fellows at the airport.
They see Donald kidnapped and follow him to the factory, where inside the gunman and a friend think Donald
killed Melcher and demand he turn over what Melcher was carrying. Steele and the Japanese investigators
save Donald, and Steele and Donald hop aboard a delivery truck and search its contents for evidence of
smuggling.
Frances throws a cosmetics-selling party, and when Laura and Terry head into the kitchen to get more
refreshments, Laura talks to her about Bright Age but doesn't get much information. Meanwhile, Steele and
Donald complete their search and nd nothing.
164
Donald returns to the oce, where Mildred and Harrison continue to go over the books, but can't nd
anything wrong with them. The Japanese investigators arrive and show the pictures of the bad guys they
took, and Harrison identies the gunman as Vince Delgado and his pal as Alan Hackston, a mob leader.
At Laura's loft, she and Frances reconcile their dierences, then Terry drops by to give Frances and Laura
their paychecks. Laura notices that they are absurdly high and conclues that the company is laundering
money for the mob.
Back at the Piper residence, Steele, Mildred, Harrison, and the Japanese investigators are all watching
the house. A truck pulls up, but it's a false alarm; it was making a ower delivery to the house next door.
Next, the postman comes by, and Donald notes that he's not their regular mailman. All converge on him,
then apologize when they realize the old postman retired. But while they were interrogating him, Donald
gets kidnapped by the ower delivery man. While the truck tries to make its escape, Laura arrives and
causes it to crash into the post oce truck. The hit-man says that he was assigned to hit Melcher, but was
beaten to it; he thought Donald did it.
Laura and Steele rush to Bright Age and interrupt a sales pitch, accusing Warner. But they are booed
o the stage by the adoring housewives. They turn their attention to Terry, and realize it was she who
killed Melcher. When Melcher showed her the information he found, instead of oering to assist in the
investigation, she killed Melcher to keep her lucrative paychecks coming. Terry makes a run for it, but is
tripped by Frances.
At the oce, the Japanese investigators head for home, and Harrison invites Mildred to return to D.C.
with him, but Mildred says she can't go. He bids her a fond farewell. Frances and Donald take their leave
of Laura and Steele. Laura notes that the old Remington Steele wouldn't have been interested in her family
and asked what changed him. Steele responds, \What's life without a little mystery?"
Movies:
Beverly Hills Cop, Eddie Murphy, Judge Reinholt, Paramount 1984.
Notes:
A running gag is that the Japanese investigators are constantly taking pictures; watch them when they
are in the background, taking pictures of each other, of Frances, of Steele's copy machine (Toshiba!) and
anything they can get into focus.
165
Santa Claus is Coming to Steele
5721
80
Michael Gleason
Seymour Robbie
02/18/86 10p One of the fake Santas who held the sleuths and their partygoers hostage on Christmas Eve
07/26/86 10p is out on bail and eager to \persuade" witnesses not to testify.
Dancer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Don Gordon
Lieutenant Benjamin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ray Girardin
Wally Donovan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Horton
Delivery man? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wil Albert
Ralph? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ted Noose
Ocer Hanley . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ?
A man stops by the oce asking after Steele and Laura (neither of whom is in), and Mildred recognizes
him as Dancer, one of the Santas that held the agency and its guests hostage at the oce Christmas party.
He leaves, and Mildred calls Lieutenant Benjamin, to learn that Dancer is out on bail. Steele sees Dancer
on his way in, and he asks Mildred to alert Laura.
Laura is in her apartment practising her ballet, while the new building manager Wally works on the
plumbing. She snis a bouquet of owers as she answers the call from Mildred. Her doorbell buzzes, and she
manages to scare the delivery man (thinking it's Dancer), and signs for a package: It's an expensive watch
and a card from a secret admirer that reads, `May the hands of time never dim your loveliness'. Laura sighs
dreamily and sends Wally out so she can get dressed for work.
At the oce, Mildred comes up with Dancer's le. His real name is Anthony Del Getty, and he has a
history of getting into trouble, including grenading his lieutenant while he was in the service. But nothing
came of the incident because the only eyewitness developed selective amnesia. Steele gures Dancer is trying
to scare the hostages into not testifying at his trial next week and tells Mildred to call the others and let
them know that Dancer is on the loose.
Laura admires her watch as she nishes getting dressed, and as she's about to leave her loft, she nds
Dancer standing in front of her door. He warns her that the only way she's going to testify is in a casket.
Steele stares at the agency gun lying on his desk, and Mildred comes in to report that she's contacted
all the other hostages, except for Dr. Scabbard. Laura comes in, furious at Dancer, then aunts her new
watch in an attempt to get Steele to admit that he sent it. First, she received a new bouquet of owers
every day for a week, then boxes of expensive candies, and now expensive gifts, all with cards from a secret
admirer telling her to dump Steele. Steele holds his ground in the ensuing verbal sparring.
Laura tells Mildred she knows that Steele is sending the gifts, and she's tired of playing games. She
just wants Steele to come forward and proclaim his true feelings without hiding behind a `secret admirer'
facade. Lieutenant Benjamin comes in to inform them that Dr. Scabbard's X-ray machine fell on him; he's
in critical but stable condition. He oers them police protection, but Laura declines, for PR reasons.
Steele suggests that the three regroup at Laura's loft after work, and condes in Mildred that he suspects
Laura is sending the gifts to herself, but he's not going to confront her; he's going to wait to see how long
it will be before she nally cracks and confesses.
Laura is in her kitchen xing dinner, the agency gun lying on the counter. The phone rings; it's Dancer,
who simply says, \Ho, ho, ho," then hangs up. When Laura hears a noise on the re escape, she locks the
window and turns o all the lights. Meanwhile, Mildred locks up the oce and heads out. Steele leaves his
apartment and calls the elevator, then hears his phone ring. He can't decide whether to answer it or leave
it and steps into the elevator, only to fall down the elevator shaft.
Wally returns to his apartment and answers the phone; it's Laura, who asks him up for a drink. Laura
then leaves a message for Lieutenant Benjamin to ask him if Steele is with him, since he isn't at the oce or
his apartment. She gives Steele's apartment one more call, but nobody answers. Wally arrives with a huge
package that arrived for her while she was out. When Laura asks how he got to be manager of the building,
he explains that he is a recovered drug addict, and he needed a place to mellow out after spending eight
months in the hospital.
Laura receives another phone call with nobody on the other end, and Wally says how he never dreamed
that they two of them would be together. He notices the dinner plates on the table and asks Laura if she
just asked him up \to kill time before he [Steele] came". Laura says she asked him up to thank him for the
work he's done as manager. Wally prompts her to open the gift, and it's a huge teddy bear. Laura says how
166
much she wished the `secret admirer' would step forward, and Wally pours his heart out to her. But Laura
doesn't hear him because she just learned about Steele's accident and dashes out. Wally is crushed, and he
sees the gun on the counter.
Laura arrives at Steele's apartment, to nd Mildred tending to Steele's broken leg. Laura now agrees to
police protection, and Lieutenant Benjamin posts a man outside the apartment door. Laura sends Mildred
to fetch some coee and privately apologizes to Steele for not agreeing to police protection in the rst place.
Meanwhile, Steele is mad at himself for not looking where he was going. When he denies sending her the
teddy bear, another argument ensues, but Steele convinces Laura that he didn't send it when he asks, \Do
you honestly think that I'm the sort of man that would give a woman a teddy bear?" Laura realizes that
there really is a secret admirer, and excuses herself. She tells Mildred she's going back to the loft because
she left the gun on her kitchen counter and asks Mildred to cover for her.
Laura returns to her loft, but the gun is gone. Meanwhile, Mildred notices that the security guard is
gone. Steele asks after Laura, and Mildred dodges the question. There is a knock on the door, and Ocer
Hanley falls in, dead. Dancer crashes through the balcony window and pulls a gun. He denies rigging the
elevator, and Mildred and Steele realize that it was the secret admirer's doing. Dancer forces Steele to call
the other witnesses and tell them not to testify.
When there is no answer at the door, Laura lets herself into Wally's apartment, and nds his bedroom
wall covered with newspaper clippings and pictures of Laura in various stages of undress. Wally comes in,
and Laura realizes he's not only the secret admirer, but also mentally unstable. She asks after the gun, and
Wally produces it, but doesn't let her have it. She realizes that it was he who rigged the elevator when he
inquires after Steele's injuries and says, \If at rst you don't succeed."
Steele calls Jack Dendra and convinces him not to testify. Next on the list is Allison Greene, but Steele
calls Laura's loft instead. There is no answer. Mildred knocks over a vase, and while Dancer is distracted,
Steele clobbers him with his crutch. Steele continues to try to call Laura.
At Wally's apartment, Laura plays along with him, \I never liked the man." Wally walks toward Laura
(who backs away), pointing the gun carelessly, and talking about how well he's going to treat her. When he
hears a siren outside, Laura quickly changes the subject and admires his photography. Wally says that the
thought of Laura kept him going for his eight months in the hospital; he fell in love with her picture in the
newspaper. When he was released, he applied for the manager's position to be close to her. He hears more
sirens outside and pulls the gun on Laura. Laura grabs a camera, blinds him with the ash, and wallops
him with the camera.
Back at Steele's apartment, Laura reads Wally's le and tells Steele he spent eight months in a mental
institution after hacking up his mother. Steele asks Laura if she intends to continue in her current profession
for the rest of her life, and if so, how she would reconcile it with raising a family.
Movies:
Dirty Harry
Rear Window, Jimmy Stewart
Notes:
Among the items on Wally's wall is the newspaper article from Coee, Tea, or Steele (with Steele's face
scribbled out), two photos of Laura practising ballet, one of her in a towel, one in a robe, and one undressing.
An altogether very weird episode.
167
81
Brad Kern
02/22/86 10p
08/02/86 10p
Steele Blue Yonder
5718
Don Weis
A woman hires Laura and Steele to investigate her father's increasingly eccentric behavior,
but the sleuths discover there's a method to his madness.
Johnny Cooper . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Andrew Duggan
Duncan Harlow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dennis Patrick
Miss Cooper . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Susan Strasberg
Georey Whittlesey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mike Preston
Flyer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Fred Carney
Flyer? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nick Angotti
Man in casino? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Chuck Winters
Woman in casino? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Phyllis Hamlin
FBI Agent? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Charles Davis
? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dale Reynolds
Dealer? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Summer Lee Thomas
Late one evening, the burglar alarm goes o at `Flying Aces Air Freight', and a sports car takes o at
high speed. It leads the police on a wild car chase; when it is nally cornered, the driver turns out to be a
seventy-year old man. \Is there a problem, ocer?" he asks.
The next morning, Miss Cooper hires the agency to tail her father and try to explain his eccentric
behavior. It all started when his best friend Chuck Serdes died in a plane crash six months ago. After Steele
and Laura follow him for most of the day, Steele is convinced that there is absolutely nothing doing. But
Johnny gives them the slip, reappears in a tuxedo, steps into a limo, and takes o before they can follow
him.
Laura and Steele trace the limo to Bedard's, a posh nightclub with a secret casino in the back. There,
Johnny Cooper goes by the name of Jack Craig, high-ying multi-millionaire. In a high-stakes poker match
with Georey Whittlesey, Whittlesey shows three deuces. Cooper has four kings, but throws in his hand, to
Steele's and Laura's confusion. Later that evening, they are watching his apartment, and he leaves for the
aireld, taking o in a vintage World War II ghter plane. Laura is convinced: \He's out of his mind."
The next day, they brief Miss Cooper. She resigns herself to committing her father to a rest home,
but Steele suspects there may be a method to his madness. Miss Cooper lets them into his apartment,
where Laura nds his mantlepiece strewn with Air Force medals and awards. She also nds a photo of
his WWII ying squadron, which was showered with awards. They get together every month and y the
old planes. One member of the squadron is Duncan Harlow, of Flying Aces Air Freight. Steele discovers
Johnny's darkroom, which is full of photos of the J. Murphy Museum. It is clear that Johnny is planning a
heist.
Mildred is assigned to follow Johnny, but he confronts her and takes her to a movie, where he gives her
the slip. He then follows Mildred back to the agency. Laura and Steele are studying the photos, and Steele
suspects that he's pulling the heist just for the fun of it. We see Johnny at a phone booth: \Plans have
changed. We're on tonight."
At the museum, they nd the collection of Duncan Harlow, one of Johnny's squadron mates. \This
case is getting more bizarre by the minute," notes Steele. They see Johnny leave the museum, and they
follow him. For hours. \As long as we're on his tail, he can't be breaking into the museum," observes Laura.
But she's wrong. While they're busy following the sports car, the museum is being broken into by a trio of
thieves. Finally, over 200 miles from Los Angeles, Steele stops the car, to nd the driver to be a completely
dierent elderly man.
Very angry, Laura and Steele go to see Johnny the next morning. They confront him with their theory,
and he laughs it o. But he nally gives in and agrees to tell them the story. Back at the museum, Harlow
observes that the thieves hit only his collection, so obviously somebody is out to get him, somebody who
knows that he is hard up on cash. Harlow tells Georey to \reopen the operation" and suggests Jack Craig
as a buyer.
At the aireld, Johnny explains what is going on. Harlow parlayed the squadron's fame into his air
freight company, which started running into nancial problems. To raise cash, he stole medical supplies from
the Air Force and sold them on the black market. Johnny suspects that Serdes caught on and was about to
tell the police when Harlow killed him. He explains that the wild car chase through town was to distract the
168
police while Johnny's friends could break into Harlow's safe, where he kept his ill-gotten gains. This is the
money which is funding Johnny's crazy scheme. He then befriended Whittlesey, posing as a potential buyer
of medical supplies. His plan is to force Harlow back into the medical game, then catch him with his hand
in the cookie jar. Laura and Steele are charmed and agree to help him.
At Bedard's, Johnny sets up the payo for the following morning. Johnny then holds a brief memorial
for Lowell, a squadron member who has since died, at which Whittlesey recognizes him as Jack Craig and
tells Harlow.
The next morning, Laura and Steele man the audio tape and camera. But when Whittlesey arrives with
the goods, he also brings the police, who arrest Johnny. Laura and Steele visit Johnny in jail and see Harlow
leaving his cell. Johnny tells them to buzz o; he knows when he's beaten and is throwing in the towel.
Back at the oce, Steele suspects that Johnny just folded with four kings again; he hasn't really given
up. Miss Cooper comes in upset over recent events. When she says that Johnny has been released, and the
charges dropped, Steele and Laura suspect that Harlow got him released so he could get his paintings back,
and Laura guesses that Johnny hid the paintings in the museum.
They go to the museum's security room and see Johnny tearing up Harlow's paintings while Harlow
holds a gun. Steele realizes that Johnny is videotaping the entire aair and is willing to die to prove that
Harlow is a killer. Laura rushes out and distracts Harlow, who then rushes to the roof and falls through the
skylight. Johnny catches him, but Harlow concedes defeat and lets go, falling to his death.
Johnny leads a memorial service for Harlow with his ying buddies. He thanks Laura and Steele for
their help, then leaves to take a walk. Laura and Steele watch him walking down the airstrip.
Movies:
Going in Style, George Burns, Art Carney, Lee Strasberg, Warner Brothers, 1979.
Notes:
Not very much of an àrmchair mystery'. I nd this episode unsatisfying because Laura and Steele seem
clueless. Note also that Steele is driving his Auburn in this episode, even though it was destroyed in Steele
Blushing.
Credits fade, and there is a piano countertheme.
169
Sensitive Steele
5719
82
Rick Mittleman
03/01/86 10p A self-improvement spa will lose its license if \accidents" don't stop.
03/09/87 10p
Don Weis
Gerald Steinmetz . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stewart Moss
Sonia Steinmetz . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dorothy Fielding
Maxine Gilroy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Susan Scannel
Ursula Garrikson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yuliis Ruval
Arthur Henderson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Wohl
Dr. Neil Brimsley . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Steve Vinovitch
Ethan Deereld? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tom Henschel
Warren Spriggs? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . E. Danny Murphy
Dolores Spriggs? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Eva Charney
Judy Fulton? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Susie Du
At the Friedlich Sensitivity Spa, a primal scream therapy session turns into genuine screams when one
member sees a body slumped over in the hot tub below. Gerald and Sonia Steinmetz, the directors of the
spa founded by Sonia's rst husband Carl Friedlich, hire Laura and Steele to investigate a series of suspicious
accidents, the most recent of which being Gerald's being hit on the head by a heater and falling into the
hot tub. The police didn't seem to take much notice, but the state licencing board did; they've been put
on probation. Since the accidents took place over a long period, Laura suspects one of the sta members.
Laura and Steele go undercover as Laura and Richard Blaine, and they suer through a `snuggling' exercise
run by Dr. Brimsley.
Outside, Laura suggests that Steele could take some pointers from the sessions. The hear screaming,
and nd Maxine, the primal scream therapist. She bitterly says that she's leaving the spa because the other
staers are merely using it as a springboard for selling their books. \I couldn't care less if this place just
burned to the ground."
Arthur Henderson leads the next session, where the members are asked to write their partners a letter,
listing their most endearing qualities, then exchange the letters in private. Outside in the gazebo, Steele
studies the wiring, but Laura asks for his letter. Steele tells Laura to keep her mind on the case, and Laura
suggests he take the sessions seriously. Arthur Henderson stops by to ask how the letter-exchange is going,
and Laura snatches Steele's letter. Arthur leaves them alone together, and Laura reads the letter, to nd
that Steele listed such qualities as `well-dressed', `frugal' and `kind to furry animals'. Laura is furious and
throws her letter o the cli. Shortly thereafter, the gazebo itself falls o the cli.
Laura and Steele are rescued, and Dr. Brimsley notes that the ground is soaked with water. They nd an
open pipe, which was apparently left open all night, according to Ethan, the groundskeeper. And somebody
informed the state licencing board of the most recent accident. Later, Laura and Steele see Dr. Brimsley
and Arthur arguing vehemently, and Gerald explains that the two were in competition for the associate
directorship, which Arthur won.
Maxine runs the latent hostility session, wherein couples, armed with padded sticks, bop each other
while releasing pent-up frustration at each other. Laura and Steele are next up, and the argument turns
very, very serious and nasty, until Laura yells, \I was better o without you anyway!" and tells Steele to go
away. He does.
Outside, Laura apologizes for what happened, but Steele wants to stick to the case. They spot Ursula
and Gerald embracing on the beach. That evening, Steele angrily prepares the couch for bed as Laura asks
Mildred to see what she can nd out about Ethan. Laura tries to reconcile with Steele, but he doesn't want
to talk about it.
The next morning, Laura wakes up to nd Steele gone. He's outside taking a stroll and runs into Gerald.
Gerald admits his marriage to Sonia has been troubled; she is more interested in her work, so he turned to
Ursula for comfort. \If Sonia ever left me, I don't know what I'd do." Laura nds Steele poking through
the ashes of the maintenance room that had burnt down. Mildred discovered that the oceanfront property
upon which the spa is built was originally owned by Ethan's father, who was forced to auction it o for a
paltry $75,000 to pay o back taxes. Steele points out that the ashes indicate that the re was set o by a
bomb rather than faulty wiring.
170
Laura and Steele ask to be let into Ethan's cabin, and Sonia nds it hard to believe that Ethan was
behind it all. The Steinmetzes had hired him out of guilt and treated him as their own son. Laura nds the
faulty guy wire from the fallen heater, and Steele the relief valve from the burst pipe. As Steele concludes
that Ethan is responsible, the sauna explodes, and Steele rescues a body. It's Ethan, dead.
Laura gures Ethan was trying to sabotage the sauna when his bomb exploded accidentally, but Steele
notices that his toolbox isn't among the rubble and concludes Ethan was lured to the sauna. Searching for
a motive, Steele gures perhaps Gerald and Sonia wanted the spa to close so they could sell the property,
but Maxine says that Friedlich's will forbids Sonia from selling the spa. Laura gets an idea.
That evening, Laura tells Gerald and Sonia that she talked to the licencing board and got their licence
reinstated, now that Ethan has been pinned for the accidents. Gerald and Sonia celebrate, and Gerald
leaves to soak in the hot tub. After Gerald gets in, an unseen gure goes to the fusebox and sends electricity
through the hot tub. Steele nabs Sonia as she tries to get away, and Laura reveals that the body in the hot
tub was a dummy. Sonia says that she's sick of being sensitive; she wants to cash in on the $6.5 million
property.
The next day, Laura and Steele explain to the sta that Sonia was trying to force the spa to close, since
Friedlich's will provided that if the spa were to shut down, the land became hers to do with as she pleased.
Sonia oered Ethan $250,000 to do all the dirty work, but when Ethan pressed for more money, she lured
him into the sauna and blew it up, then planted evidence in Ethan's cabin to incriminate him. Maxine is
re-inspired to stay.
Steele notes that they're in no hurry to return to Los Angeles and oers to take a stroll on the beach.
Steele produces a revised letter listing Laura's most endearing qualities. Laura reads it, smiles, and they
embrace.
Movies:
Hamlet, Laurence Olivier, Jean Simmons, Jay Arthur, Rank 1948.
Chain the Tiger, Jack Lemmon, Jack Guilford, Paramount 1972.
Notes:
171
Steele in the Spotlight
5705
83
Burt Brinckerho
03/08/86 10p Laura and Steele are hired by a TV-magazine show to nd a singer who vanished 30 years
ago.
Billie Young . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rose Marie
Jake Slater . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . George D. Wallace
Windsor Thomas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rebecca Holden
Lou Mackler . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Charles Woolf
Kyle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tony Cummings
Patsy Vance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ernestine Mercer
Dennis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tom Dasbach
In the 1950's, a man whose face we do not see drags a woman's body into the bathroom and reaches
for a razor blade. Back in the present, Windsor and Kyle, hosts of the television show L.A. Spotlight, hire
the agency to locate Billie Young for a television reunion program. Laura is annoyed that Steele is getting
all the attention from the very attractive Windsor. When they try to nd a paper trail, they nd that Billie
Young simply vanished from sight in 1956.
Windsor returns with Kyle and her cameraman Dennis, and Laura prevails on Steele to tell them what
progress they've been making. To cover up for the lack of results, Steele explains that he's letting Laura
handle the case as part of her apprenticeship. Laura explains that it appears that Billie intentionally covered
her tracks and vanished. But far from being disappointed, Windsor loves it. It adds an air of mystery to
the story, and she asks for permission to cover their work live. Laura's reluctance turns to enthusiasm when
Windsor puts the spotlight on her rather than Steele. A man watches the television report, in which Laura
promises to locate Billie Young, and takes out a gun.
Laura and Steele visit Patsy Vance, Billie's singing partner, and she gives a rendition of their signature
song, Sisters. Patsy doesn't know where Billie is, but she does know why she vanished. Billie's roommate and
best friend Sally Benson, a young actress, committed suicide. As a result, Billie decided to leave Hollywood
and never return. Her agent Lou Macker (now head of the Baxter Broadcasting Group) sent a detective to
nd her, but with no success. She suggests they talk to Tom Hogan, Billie's make-up man and good friend.
Laura asks to use the phone.
On their way to see Tom Hogan, Steele assures Laura that he's not jealous of the media attention she's
getting. They arrive at Hogan's apartment, to nd the lock already picked, and Hogan dead on the oor.
Laura pockets Hogan's address book as Windsor, Kyle, and Dennis arrive and start lming.
Laura and Steele watch Windsor's report on the television in Steele's apartment. Windsor interviews
Laura as Steele talks to a detective in the background and steals jealous glances at Laura. Steele shuts o
the television and, when Laura admits that her phone call was to Windsor, scolds her for turning Hogan's
death into a circus. Laura in turn accuses Steele of being jealous of the media attention, since he'd always
gotten it before. Laura leaves angrily.
Windsor demands from her boss, Lou Mackler, a chance to cover the Billie Young story, since she's tired
of doing u stories for L.A. Spotlight and wants to do serious news. He allows her one chance, but warns
her that if she blows it, he doesn't want to hear any more whining. As Windsor leaves, Laura and Steele
arrive, and Windsor says that the reunion was Lou's idea; he wanted to know what happened to Billie. From
Lou, Laura and Steele get the name of the detective he hired thirty years earlier: Jake Slater.
Laura and Steele arrive at Slater's house, where he is inside burning old letters. He ignores the doorbell,
but when they persist, he takes his gun, hides it in his jacket, and answers the door. Laura asks for his les
when he worked on the Billie Young case, and he angrily assures her, \If I couldn't nd her thirty years ago,
you're not going to nd her now." After they leave, Steele has a feeling that he's seen Slater before, but
can't remember where.
Laura and Steele return to the oce to nd Mildred yelling at the cameraman. Windsor shoves a mike
in Laura's face, but she asks for a second and ducks into her oce. Mildred tells Steele he's got to get rid
of the media as the cameraman knocks over a vase. Mildred shows Steele the address book Laura pocketed
(and Steele's attempt to remind her that what she did is illegal doesn't quite work) and says she thinks she's
found Billie Young: She located a person named Chelsea Nash in Twin Pines; Chelsea Nash is the name of
a character Billie Young portrayed on television. Steele and Mildred sneak out without telling Laura.
172
Steele and Mildred take the limo to Twin Pines and ask after Chelsea, claiming to be friends. The
woman they talk to says Chelsea moved out, but Steele notices that her rowboat is named `Sisters' and says,
\Hello, Billie." Billie says there is no way she's going back; she wants her privacy. When Steele promises to
return to Los Angeles and pretend he never found her, she warms up, then is saddened to learn of Hogan's
death. Mildred spots a television truck arriving, and Steele tells her to fetch the limo while he gets Billie.
Steele saves Billie from gunshots and sees Slater running away. Mildred arrives with the limo, and Steele
scolds Fred for telling Laura where he was. Steele asks Billie if she knows the name Jake Slater, and she
says she doesn't.
Leo tells Windsor she had her chance, and now he's bringing in the real news crew. Windsor pleads,
and Leo agrees to let her stay on it, but demands she tell him every move she makes, \This story is too good
to lose."
At the oce, Laura demands to know, \All right, where is she?" She's mad at Steele for trying to
usptage her, but when Steele explains what happened, she realizes that the television coverage endangered
Billie's life and decides she's had enough publicity. Steele notes that Slater retired in 1956 and since then
has apparently lived comfortably despite not having any reported income. Laura concludes, \Blackmail."
In Steele's apartment, Mildred talks to Billie about Sally's death. Sally was pregnant and unmarried,
and the father didn't want anything to do with her. Billie notes that her two best friends are gone, and
Mildred notes, \Life is like that sometimes. There's not much we can do about it." While Mildred fetches
more tea, Billie sneaks out.
Laura and Steele try to gure out where Billie went and why. Steele uses an old movie to conclude that
Slater did nd Billie in 1956 after all. On their way out, Windsor appears with a camera, and Laura and
Steele tell her to buzz o.
Slater investigates a noise in his house, and Billie says, \Hello, Jake." She asks him why he killed Tommy,
and he says he had to, he wouldn't shut up. He pulls a gun and says, \I got to protect my investment."
Laura and Steele arrive in time to scare him o, and Billie tells them, \Nail the creep." They give chase,
and Slater, who is not in the best of shape, stops for a breather, then collapses. As Laura and Steele arrive,
so does Windsor and her cameraman. Laura smashes the camera. They hear Billie scream and rush back
to nd her on the oor, coughing. Laura tends to her while Steele spots a car speeding away and follows in
his Auburn, in turn followed by the television truck. With Windsor's help, they cause the car to crash into
an L.A. Spotlight billboard. It's Lou Mackler. Windsor says she recognized the car and realized that he was
using her to locate Billie.
At the oce, Billie explains that after she disappeared upon Sally's death, Slater found her. She fell in
love with him before she learned he was a detective, hired by Mackler to recover Sally's diary. Slater didn't
know why Mackler wanted the diary, nor did Billie. So they took a look: It was Lou who got Sally pregnant,
and he refused to marry her. Sally was going to have the baby anyway, and she insisted that Lou support
the child. Lou killed Sally to keep his career on track. Billie was so in love with Slater that she agreed to
his plan to blackmail Lou with the diary. He helped her disappear, set her up in Twin Pines, took the diary,
and returned to Los Angeles. He said he'd come back, but never did. Lou thought it was Billie blackmailing
him, when in fact it was Slater, and when Windsor suggested the reunion, Lou pounced at the opportunity.
Laura tells Windsor she's anxious to see how she reports the story.
Back at her home, Billie watches Windsor deliver the news report, which concludes with, \The whereabouts of Young [. . .] remains a mystery." Laura and Steele take a nighttime stroll, and Laura notes how
she was blinded by the spotlight.
Movies:
Sunset Boulevard, Gloria Swanson, William Holden, Paramount 1950.
Out of the Past, Robert Mitchum, Kirk Douglas, (Jane Greer), RKO 1947.
Notes:
Possible inside joke if Rebecca Holden is related to William Holden, whose movie Steele references.
173
84
Lee H. Grant
03/15/86 10p
Steele at Your Service
5723
Rocky Lang
Steele becomes a butler to the soap opera-ish Wellingtons, one of whom is suspected of
murdering the previous manservant who was threatening to sell his memoirs and expose
the family skeletons.
Charles Wellington . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dan O'Herlihy
Katherine Wellington . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Neva Patterson
Cindy Wellington . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cindy Fischer
Albert Wellington . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Arye Gross
Harold Wellington . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Granville Ames
Greta Swenson? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Liz Sheridan
Sam Kuromatsu . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sab Shimono
Maria? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Darryl Herniquez
Bernie? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Hooks
Winston Hastings? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sandy Helberg
The Wellingtons squabble over business at dinner, and Charles (the father) is drawn away by a phone
call. He is followed by his wife Katherine, who accuses him of inventing the phone call so he could spend
some time with Maria, the maid. Charles nds in his bath Hastings the butler, dead.
As Laura and Steele arrive at the Wellington residence, Steele looks forward to a healthy fee, but Laura
harbors a resentment towards Wellington Petroleum stemming from a college protest. Laura and Steele are
shown to their clients, not the Wellingtons but their servants, Mrs. Swenson (the housekeeper), Vincenzo (the
chaueur), Pierre (the chef), Maria (the maid), and Kuromatsu (the groundskeeper). Steele would rather
not take the case, but Laura is anxious to get back at the Wellingtons, and her interest is piqued when
the servants explain that Hastings died the day before his retirement, and had been writing his memoirs.
Vincenzo says he saw a light in the upstairs window and heard two men arguing. And Pierre heard a loud
banging sound upstairs.
Steele reluctantly goes undercover as the new butler Rupert Ruggles, and Mrs. Swenson takes him to
his room, reminding him that the servants are on a limited budget, so they'd like the case solved quickly.
Steele opens the door to nd the room ransacked, and shortly thereafter gets clonked on the head. Maria
wakes him up and explains that Hastings was blackmailing the Wellingtons, and the two of them planned to
run away together.
Steele goes downstairs to see Vincenzo giving Albert his repaired debating trophy. Laura and Mildred
arrive, posing as a magazine reporter and her assistant. Laura enjoys taking advantage of Steele's servile
position, and Mildred soaks up the sumptuousness of her surroundings. While doing a background check,
Mildred notices that she could nd no history on Cindy before her marriage to Albert, and Laura notes that
Wellington Petroleum is in nancial diculty, vulnerable to a hostile takeover.
Charles takes Laura to a scenic vista, where Laura wonders out loud who turned o the water to the
bath Hastings was found in. She also takes photos, of Kuromatsu chatting with some gentlemen, and of
Katherine and Vincenzo kissing. Meanwhile, Steele spies Cindy and Harold together. He returns to his room
to nd it ransacked, and is greeted by another clonk on the head. Pierre wakes him up and demands Steele
solve the case quickly.
The Wellingtons throw a Texas barbecue dinner party, and Kuromatsu calls Steele over and shows him
Charles' broken tennis racket he found in the trash. Mildred got a copy of Cindy's ngerprints and dug up
that she's an ex-hooker from Vegas with a long police record. Katherine suggests Laura take a photo of
the party from the hay wagon, and when she gets on it, the horses bolt. The wagon overturns, and Steele
protectively shes Laura out of the mess. Mildred notes that the wagon was sabotaged.
Steele confronts Vincenzo, who admits that he and Katherine were trying to scare them o so he
wouldn't dig into their aair and discover that he is Harold's father. But he didn't kill Hastings. Steele
warns Vincenzo to steer clear of Laura.
That evening, Steele sees Charles putting something into a wall safe, then returns to his room, where
he subdues Albert who was lying in wait for him. Albert angrily admits that he is gay and married Cindy
to keep up a good front. He was looking for the memoirs but didn't nd them. While cleaning up the mess,
Steele sees paper shreds in the trash and gets an idea. He goes to Laura's room, but nds it ransacked. He
mutters, \Oh no," just before he gets coshed on the head yet again.
174
Laura and Mildred wake him up and report that one of the camera bags is missing. Steele says he came
because he thinks he knows where the memoirs are: on the computer. Laura realizes the killer was after the
lm, shes the roll out of its hiding place, and leaves to have it developed. Steele makes plans to crack the
wall safe, and Mildred to snoop around the household computer.
Laura pays a visit to Bernie's darkroom, a young gentleman whose aections she had spurned ve
months earlier. She spots something in one of the photos that is worth a closer look. Meanwhile, while
snooping, Mildred is surprised by Pierre, but she scares him away with her crazy culinary tastes. She then
sets to work on the computer. And while a storm rages outside, Steele cracks the wall safe and nds a
cashier's check for $100,000 made out to Hastings, dated the day of the murder. Steele is surprised by the
Wellington family, who demand an explanation. The servants arrive and explain who he really is. And
everyone is waiting to hear what Steele has to say.
Steele decides to wing it, and Mildred arrives with the memoirs: Hastings wrote only \The life of a butler
is. . . " So he dramatically recreates the scene of the crime: Hastings' phone message was a ruse to arrange
a meeting with Charles. When Hastings didn't have the memoirs, Charles killed him. Charles admits that
the meeting was arranged, but when he got to his room, he found Hastings dead on the oor, and his tennis
racket smashed nearby. Fearing a frame, he dumped the body into the bathtub and waited for Katherine to
arrive so they could `discover' the body together.
Steele turns his attention to Albert, who was being blackmailed by Hastings and who couldn't stand
his father. While Charles was fetching the check, he went up to kill Hastings with the tennis racket. Albert
admits that he was being blackmailed, but when he went to fetch his gun, he found Hastings already dead
on his bedroom oor with his broken trophy lying next to him. So he dragged the body into Charles' room
and smashed the tennis racket. (Which explains the banging noise.)
Steele turns his attention to Cindy and Harold. They ambushed Hastings and coshed him with Albert's
trophy. They admit that they were going to, but they found Hastings dead in Harold's bedroom. So they
moved the body into Albert's room and smashed the trophy as a decoy. The only family member left is
Katherine, but she was with Mrs. Swenson at the time of the murder.
Laura arrives, confused at the nighttime meeting. But she explains that a corporate takeover was in the
works, engineered by somebody on the inside, namely Hastings, who used every eavesdropped conversation
to his advantage. Charles was willing to pay Hastings $100,000 for his shares and thus gain decisive control
of the company. But a Japanese rm had their own spy in the family: Kuromatsu. Laura confronts him with
the photograph of him she took. Laura and Steele explain: Kuromatsu had made an oer to buy Hastings'
stock, but Charles made a sweeter oer. Kuromatsu tells Hastings he's willing to make a better oer, and
kills him in Harold's room (explaining the struggle Vincenzo saw), steals the stock certicates, and runs o.
Then follows the repeated relocation of the body.
Kuromatsu makes a run for it, and Laura and Steele give chase. Steele dodges a chainsaw and they
follow him to the stable, where Kuromatsu reappears with another chainsaw. Laura uses a grain blower to
dispatch him. Since it's raining outside, Laura and Steele decide to wait it out in the stable. They kiss, and
Laura asks, \What about him?" indicating Kuromatsu. \What will he think?" Steele closes the stable door
and replies, \What else? The butler did it."
Movies:
Blow Up, David Hemmings, Vannessa Redgrave, MGM 1966.
Notes:
Anyone with freeze-frame care to check what date is on the check?
The credits fade, and the music is more improvisatory.
175
Steele in the Running
5713
85
Susan Woollen
Gabrielle Beaumont
03/22/86 10p Laura is accosted in a triathlon after another woman surreptitiously switched numbers with
her before the race.
Allan Kendall . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Driver
Joan Grey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alison LaPlaca
Sandra Jenkins . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Deborah Wakeham
Joe Gullickson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Frederic Con
Landlady? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Milli Slavin
Cop . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John DiSanti
Ernie? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ned Bellemy
Clerk? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tanya Melendez
? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lise Cutter
Thomas Ivory . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rif Hutton
A woman jogs through the park, then suspects she is being followed. Laura arrives at work to nd
Steele buried in paperwork, and he scolds her for coming in late and leaving early every day for the past
week, leaving him to do all the work. Laura explains that she's been training for a triathlon. Steele oers
to pick up Laura for the race, then learns he has to pick her up at 6am.
Steele picks up Laura (and Mildred) in the limo, and Laura scolds him for wasting money. At the
Westside Triathlon, the woman jogger, who bears some resemblance to Laura, arrives for registration and
looks anxiously over her shoulder at two men who have been following her. She greets Laura and introduces
herself as Joan Grey. She then switches her and Laura's registration numbers.
The race is under way. Mildred watches excitedly, Steele less so. And the two thugs also watch. In
the cycling phase, the two thugs jostle Laura, who manages to run them o the road. While changing to
the running phase, Laura mentions the incident to Steele, who decides to tag along behind Laura. Laura is
kidnaped by a van, but is unceremoniously dumped when Kendall says, \It's not her."
At the oce, Mildred digs up Joan's address and her place of employment. Steele reminds Laura that
they have no client, but Laura insists they pursue it. Laura bribes the landlady into letting her into Joan's
apartment, where she nds a credit card slip signed `Joan Kendall'. When Laura leaves, a car follows. Steele
goes to the exercise studio and, after an initial deception, convinces Sandra Jenkins that he's trying to help
Joan. Sandra says she doesn't know where Joan is and notes that another man (dierent from the two who
kidnaped Laura) is also waiting for Joan. When Steele leaves, the man follows. Steele doubles back and
chases the man, but he has a friend, and the two of them beat up Steele, then are called away by a third
man.
While Laura tends to Steele's wounds in the oce, Mildred reports that Joan Grey is really Joan Black,
but has been unable to nd anything more on Joan Black or Joan Kendall. Steele reports that Sandra hasn't
seen Joan since the race, and that Joan apparently had marital problems. Laura gures that Joan Grey is
really Joan Kendall, and she sets Mildred to work on Ivory, the man who accosted Steele in the alley.
Gullickson reiterates to Ivory and Arguayo, former athletes, that getting Joan is the way to get to
Kendall. Laura and Steele are called to Joan's apartment by Sandra, whom they nd crouched over the
unconscious body of an o-duty New York City policeman, which Laura identies as one of the men who
chased her at the race. The landlady listens outside as Sandra explains that Joan called her and asked her
to get some things from the apartment and meet her at Union Station. When she arrived, the man was
waiting for her. After the trio leave, Gullickson tells the landlady that he's a policeman on the trail of Joan
Grey, a known felon. The landlady tells him to go to Union Station. Kendall and the other kidnaper follow
Laura, Steele, and Sandra to the station.
Joan waits, frightened, at the station, and when she sees one of the men who was following her, she
runs. Steele chases Joan, while Laura and Sandra nab the man. Joan gets away from Steele, but he talks
her back. Laura talks to Allan Kendall, who explains that he and Joan are separated, and when she called,
accusing him of sending people after her, he hired the two o-duty cops to locate her. Steele talks to Joan
and suggests a reconciliation, to which she is amenable. But as they leave, they are greeted by Gullickson
and his men, who beat up Steele as Joan gets away.
At the oce, it's been four hours and no sign of Steele or Joan. Using old newspaper articles, Mildred
identies Thomas Ivory as a former track star who got caught up in a blood doping scandal. Kendall
176
identies the man next to Ivory as Joe Gullickson, his company's public relations man, and Laura suspects
the third man in the photo, Cesar Aguayo, is the other man who beat up Steele. Kendall realizes that, in
his chemical research into steroids, he had stumbled across a variant that escaped detection; Gullickson is
probably after the formula and is using Joan as a bargaining chip.
Steele calls from a phone booth, explains what happened, and asks Laura to come pick him up. Meanwhile, Gullickson and his men continue to search for Joan. Joan calls the oce, but runs away before she
can say where she is. Laura arrives with Kendall and Sandra, dressed in a warmup suit. Her plan is to
exploit her similarity to Joan to act as a decoy, while Steele rescues Joan. As it seems that Gullickson is
about to close in on Joan, he spots Laura, and he and his men give chase. Laura leads them into an ambush,
where Gullickson and Aguayo are dispatched, but Ivory gets away and continues to chase Laura. Laura
walks nervously along the train tracks, dodging passing trains, until Steele nally saves her from Ivory.
Laura and Steele return to the oce to report that Joan and Allan are reconciled. And Laura gives
Steele a gift: running shoes. She invites him to train with her for the next triathlon. Steele says, \Thanks,
but pursuing you is all the exercise I need," and he kisses her.
Notes:
An entirely forgettable episode. Too much time is spent watching nothing happen. If I had a choice
between watching it again and clipping my nails, I'd have to think hard.
177
86
Brad Kern
03/29/86 10p
07/12/86 10p
Beg, Borrow or Steele
5722
Kevin Inch
Laura and Steele return from New York to nd police barricades around their apartments,
and grisly accounts of their murders on TV.
Detective James Jarvis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gary Frank
Sister Natalie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mary Kate McGeehan
Candy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nancy Lane
Michael Harrigan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ken Swoord
Pittsburgh Phil . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Antony Ponzini
Man . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jack Ragotzy
Allesandro Pascal? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lee Ryan
Cook? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jack Wells
Racetrack Ocial? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Buzz Borelli
Newsreader? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Michael Masters
Newsreader? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alan David
Stenographer? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Suzanne Childs
Motel clerk? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Kirk Scott
Steele drops Laura home upon their return from a weekend wedding bash in New York, and returns to
his apartment to nd it roped o with police tape and the silhouettes of two bodies taped on his carpet.
He goes to the oce, also roped o, and nds Laura, whose loft was similarly decorated. Steele would
prefer to lie low until he knows what is going on, and while walking downtown, Laura sees their picture
on the television in a store window. Steele breaks in, but the news story has already moved on to an asyet-unclaimed winning racetrack pick-six ticket worth $1.5 million. After searching the channels, they nd
another news report: \Police still aren't saying whether or not they have any leads in the brutal murders of
famed private investigator Remington Steele and his secretary, Laura Holt." They check into a motel for the
night, but Steele uses his credit card (which had been reported stolen), and they run out when the police
come.
Laura and Steele come out in the morning, after spending the night in an all-night porno movie house.
Hiding in the staircase, they spy on their own wake at the oce. A strange collection of people pay their
respects: A man, a shady-looking character (Pittsburgh Phil), a nun, a group of jockeys, and another man,
all asking after a package that Steele may have been holding for them. The next visitor is detective James
Jarvis, who tells Mildred he has narrowed down the list of suspects considerably. Laura and Steele call
Mildred from a pay phone and arrange a meeting at the funeral home.
Mildred arrives, and explains that she had mis-identied the bodies (since there was very little left to
identify). Steele and Laura gure that the unexpected guests were asking after something the real victims
were carrying, and since Laura and Steele are ocially the victims, everybody thinks they have it, whatever
ìt' is. They return to the oce, and Mildred isn't much nancial help; they agree to regroup at Mildred's
house. Going through the victims' belongings, Steele identies the victim as Freddie Lazenby, an expert
pickpocket. Jarvis arrives and arrests Mildred for murdering Laura and Steele for their $1 million (each)
life insurance policies. Laura and Steele go to meet Candy, Freddie's partner in crime, and give her the bad
news. She explains that Freddie lifted Pittsburgh Phil, a loan shark, and got a big haul. He went to Steele's
apartment and called his girl to celebrate with him.
From the police station, Mildred uses her one phone call, not to call her lawyer, but her housekeeper,
who says that Laura and Steele aren't there. Jarvis takes Mildred away. Laura and Steele go to the racetrack,
where Steele talks to Phil and learns that Freddie lifted the winning racetrack pick-six ticket from him. Phil
sets his goons on Steele, and Laura rescues him. They then see the rst man at the wake, and follow him to
a church.
Sister Natalie greets them and gives a little more information. As collateral for a loan, Pittsburgh Phil
took the ticket from the man they chased (her brother), who in turn took it from her purse. She got it
from Michael Harrigan, a recovering alcoholic. He was holding the ticket for someone, and gave it to her
for safekeeping so he wouldn't be tempted to cash it himself. Sister Natalie tells them that they can nd
Harrigan working at a shelter.
That evening, they wait in line for food to see Harrigan, but he's not there. And since Mildred wasn't
home, they are forced to spend the night in a shelter. When Laura feels something on her leg, she angrily
gets up and says she's going to go to the police so she can go home and get a good night's sleep. Steele tells
178
her to go ahead, but he's going to continue to see who killed his friend Freddie. Laura softens and agrees to
stick with him. Pittsburgh Phil nds them (tipped o by Sister Natalie's brother), and they end up sleeping
under the freeway.
At the police station, Mildred gives her statement and tells the truth about Laura and Steele. but Jarvis
thinks she's trying a temporary insanity ploy and doesn't believe her.
Laura and Steele nd Harrigan at the racetrack, drunk out of his gourd. Laura gures he was holding
the ticket for a group of jockeys who bet on their own horses. They talk to the jockeys, who conrm the story,
but deny killing anyone. Laura and Steele realize that the person with the ticket is the one who isn't looking
for it, and they return to nd Harrigan, who has vanished; he wasn't really drunk after all. Pittsburgh Phil
nds them, but they are rescued by Jarvis, who nally believed Mildred's story after a ngerprint check.
As the racetrack ocial is bringing out the money, Harrigan grabs it and runs. Laura and Steele chase
him, and nd him shot, dead. They return to the racetrack and see Sister Natalie carrying the money. They
capture her and nd that it's really Candy. She was the one who murdered Freddie, and everybody else.
Laura and Steele recap the case in front of the replace at Steele's apartment. Candy had enlisted
Harrigan to use his track connections to get the ticket cashed with no fanfare. Laura stops in mid-sentence
and asks, \Is that your foot on my leg?" Steele smiles.
Movies:
Death Takes a Holiday, Fredric March, Evelyn Venable, Paramount 1934.
Notes:
The opening credits don't appear until a few minutes into the episode.
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87
John Wirth
05/03/86 10p
Steele Alive and Kicking
5720
Stan Lathan
Once thought to be terminally ill, an escaped felon claims to have framed himself for murder
so that his wife could collect the reward, but now that he's cured, he wants Laura and Steele
to clear him.
Vincent Dowd . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Donovan Scott
Nedra Dowd . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pippa Pearthree
Detective Steven Zweigenho . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Arthur Taxier
Weasel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Robert Pastorelli
Tony Petz . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Daniel Greene
Heather LeBlanc? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . LaGena Hart
Mrs. Tuttle? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Shannon Wilcox
Doctor? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tim Cunningham
Cop? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mark Harrison
Sergeant Briggs? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Walter Davis
Schoolgirl? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jamie Lyn Hart
Surgery in progress. Afterwards, the prison doctor tells the patient that he's cured, and rather than
being elated, he attacks the doctor, coshes a guard, and takes his gun. Meanwhile, Frances has left the
children's many caged pets in Laura's care while they're on vacation, and while Laura overfeeds the sh,
the patient comes through her loft window. Vincent Dowd politely pulls a gun and explains. Last year, he
learned he was terminally ill, and when the famed exercise personality Lance LeBlanc was kidnaped and a
$250,000 reward posted, he decided to frame himself so that his wife could collect the reward. Now that
he's been cured, he wants Laura and Steele to clear his name. Laura is hardly agreeable, but Steele believes
him. When Detective Zweigenho knocks on the door, Vinnie ducks out the re escape. Zweigenho notes
that Dowd has escaped recently and has been spotted in the area. On his way out, Zweigenho accidentally
steps on an escaped turtle.
Laura arrives at the oce with a turtle to replace Phyllis, and insists to Steele that Vinnie is lying.
Steele promises to drop the matter if she would agree to see Dowd's wife to see if she conrms the story.
While talking to Nedra, Vinnie literally drops in and greets her. Steele tells Vinnie he's taking the case, over
Laura's vehement objections.
Vinnie explains that he has an alibi for the day of the kidnaping; he was bowling with Frank Dunn, but
he paid Frank to perjure himself. While Laura and Steele pay Frank a visit, a policeman writes Laura's car
a parking ticket, and Vinnie tries to explain his presence in the car. Inside, Laura and Steele nd Frank,
shot dead. When Laura and Steele emerge, they see Vinnie speeding o, with a police car in pursuit.
Laura and Steele nd Laura's crashed car, and Zweigenho asks them why they're working for Dowd,
though both deny it. He thinks Dowd killed Dunn, and reminds them that harboring a fugitive is a felony.
Laura and Steele return to the oce, where they tell Vinnie that Frank was murdered. Nedra comes in,
noting that the police came to question her about the murder. Laura reluctantly oers to let Vinnie stay at
Frances' house, and Steele volunteers Mildred to stay with him. Laura and Steele talk to the widow LeBlanc,
who now runs the exercise gym. She says that Lance had no enemies. After they leave, she picks up the
phone. \We've got trouble."
Their next visit is to Tony Petz, the last person to see LeBlanc alive, and owner of a soon-to-be-opened
health spa. He says that Lance is responsible for his current physical prowess, and that he was popular with
the women. He recalls the night of the kidnaping; the gym had just closed, and Lance stepped out and
never came back. Laura and Steele leave, then Steele pops back and asks Tony if bulking up might help him
with the `chicks'. Tony assures that him it will, and Steele notes, \Lance didn't know what he was missing,"
since he was married. Tony condes that Lance was on his way to see a woman named Tuttle when he was
kidnaped. Once Steele leaves, Tony picks up the phone. \We've got trouble."
At Frances' place, shots are red through the window and a st breaks through the door. Mildred and
Vinnie dash out in the station wagon, destroying the garage door in the process. The gunman, a long-haired
gentleman comes in, and dials the phone. \We got trouble."
Laura and Steele arrive at Frances' house, to nd it swarming with police surveying the damage.
Zweigenho tells Laura that these coincidences had better stop. In the limo, Laura takes a call from
Frances and reassures her that the neighbors' reports are exaggerated. Then a call from Mildred, and they
180
go to pick her up in a school bus parking lot (and see Frances' wagon towed away). Laura is very mad.
When Zweigenho arrives, the quartet hop aboard a school bus. Laura thinks it is all suspicious. Lance was
kidnaped in broad daylight in front of his own gym, and there were no witnesses. The ransom money was
dropped in a phone booth at a busy interesection, where it is never picked up, and nobody hears from the
kidnapers again. Mildred notes that the coroner's report stated that Lance was already dead at the time the
ransom note was delivered. Laura thinks Lance was murdered, and the kidnaping was a diversionary tactic.
While Mildred checks on Lance's insurance records, Laura and Steele pay a visit to Mrs. Tuttle. She
admits she was with Lance that night, but had nothing to do with the murder. Mrs. LeBlanc had no
knowledge of their aair, and Lance had no intention of leaving his wife, since she was the brains behind the
business. He wanted out, but couldn't aord it. When Lance left, he said that \He had a problem he had
to take care of."
Laura, Steele, and Vinnie pay a late-night visit to the gym and nd Mrs. LeBlanc, dead. Zweigenho
appears, and Vinnie makes a run for it. Steele interferes, and Zweigenho angrily says, \You're under arrest."
Mildred bails our sleuths out of jail and tells them Lance had no life insurance, most of his business was in
his wife's name, and he had lots of money. Not only are they out of suspects, but they haven't heard from
Vinnie.
Vinnie drops home and tells Nedra they're going to Mexico. Steele suspects that Lance hired someone
to kill his wife and pays a visit to Weasel at a pool hall. Weasel says LeBlanc had a buddy who was \in the
art of articial persuasion", named Tony Petz. Before Laura and Steele leave, Steele sinks a trick shot.
Laura and Steele return to Tony's gym and confront him. He makes a run for it, and the lights go out.
Shots are red, and Laura runs out to see a car speeding o. When she returns, the lights are on, and Tony
is dead. Meanwhile, Vinnie calls the oce from the bus depot and tells Mildred he's going to Mexico with
Nedra. Zweigenho had the phone tapped and heads for the depot, but tells his men not to do anything
until he gets there.
At Tony's gym, Steele spots a framed newspaper clipping of Zweigenho presenting a certicate to Tony.
They don't know how, but Laura and Steele gure Zweigenho has more than a professional interest in the
case. In the limo, Laura calls Mildred and tells Fred to go to the bus depot. At the depot, Zweigenho says
he'll handle the situation himself, and as he approaches Vinnie, he tells him, \Run." When Vinnie doesn't
run, he pulls a gun. Steele arrives in time to stop Zweigenho, and Laura tells the Sergeant that Zweigenho
is the killer. But Mildred disagrees; he's not the man who shot at them at Frances' house.
Gunshots are red outside, and Laura and Steele dispatch the long-haired man. Vinnie recognizes him
as Wolfe, the downstairs neighbor. If Vinnie cleared himself, Nedra would have to return the money, and
she admits, \I could always get another husband, but where I could get another $250,000?"
At the oce, Laura and Steele try to explain to Mildred what happened. Steele begins, \Lance LeBlanc
hired Tony Petz to kill his wife. Tony took the money, but found he couldn't carry out the deed." Laura
continues, \So Tony hired his pal Zweigenho to kill Heather, only Zweigenho fell in love with her." \On
the night that Zweigenho was going to kill Heather, Lance surprised him by coming home early. There was
a ght, and Zweigenho killed him." \That's when Heather and Zweigenho concocted the kidnaping plan
to cover up their murder." Mildred's mind seems to be elsewhere though. She looks around the carpet and
admits, \Phyllis went AWOL." Vinnie comes in and accidentally steps on Phyllis.
Movies:
Convicted, Glenn Ford, Broderick Crawford, (Dorothy Malone), Columbia 1950.
Notes:
Throughout, Steele tries to prove his strength, but ends up embarrassing himself at every turn.
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88
Je Melvoin
05/10/86 10p
Bonds of Steele
5706
Seymour Robbie
Laura has her hands full with a case, while Steele is making plans to marry|a call girl?
Alessandra Henry . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rebecca Street
Clarissa . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nancy Everhard
Estelle Becker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mary Ellen Trainor
Lyle Andrews . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Daniel Ziskie
Juan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bert Rosario
Personnel secretary? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Wills
Building Facilitation? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Don Grey
? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bobbie Ferguson
Cop? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Maurice Hill
A. J. Drury? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Welsh
? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Diane Lander
Minister? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Don Hostetter
Steele is on the limo phone telling someone that there's been a slight change of plans and asking if it would be
all right to \push everything back an hour." Steele and Laura arrive at the UniDac corporation, where Alessandra
Henry takes them into David Burnett's oce. He's dead. And she can't call the police because she is being framed
for the murder. As Steele nervously glances at his watch, Alessandra recalls that Mr. Burnett had said that \there
was something strange going on." Laura nds a key to room G949 that Burnett was apparently trying to hide when
he was killed. Laura instructs Alessandra to continue the ruse that Mr. Burnett is still alive.
Laura and Steele can't nd room G949, and when they ask for directions, they are told to ask Building Facilitation. Building Facilitation tells them that G959 exists, and when Laura asks to be taken there, he says, \That's
Building Coordination." Laura asks what is done in G959, and he says the information is classied and asks who
authorized her request. Meanwhile, Steele pockets the computer access code book, and the two leave. They return
to see Alessandra having trouble keeping up appearances, but rescue her.
Heading to the oce, Steele remembers a doctor's appointment and ducks out. Laura comes in to nd Norman
Keyes and Estelle Becker asking after Steele. On their way out, Keyes asks Laura to relay a message to Steele: \You
can run, but you can't hide." Laura gives Mildred the code book and asks her to see what she can nd about room
G949. When Mildred says that Steele never mentioned any medical tests, Laura gets suspicious. She looks out her
oce window to see Clarissa (see Steele in the Family ) drive by and pick up Steele. The two kiss and drive o. Laura
asks Mildred about Clarissa but stops when Mildred starts asking questions back. Mildred discovers that G949 is for
Project Omega, whatever that is.
Laura talks to Alessandra (her mind clearly on Clarissa), whose nerves are wracked. Laura lends moral support
and learns where she can nd out about Red Flag projects. She babbles bureaucrat-speak to get past the Personnel
Supervisor and breaks into the Red Flag Projects room. She nds the Omega le, and it's completely empty. When
Laura is discovered, she claims to be security and threatens to put the Personnel Supervisor on report for letting her
in at all. As Laura leaves, a woman who had previously suspected something was amiss about Burnett comes in and
sees her.
Laura is paged to T405, and when she goes there, she is locked in; it's a wind tunnel. The propeller goes on,
and Laura hangs on for her life as the wind plays havoc with her hair. The tunnel nally shuts down, and Steele
pops his head in the door, \I've been looking everywhere for you."
At the oce, Keyes and Miss Becker are tired of waiting for Steele and leave, but not before Keyes tells Mildred
that the agency is going to fold soon. In the elevator, Keyes explains to Miss Becker that when Vigilance Insurance
put Steele on retainer and that he has to report to him on all major cases, it proved too much for him.
Laura and Steele return, her hair so askew it's funny. Laura angrily asks Steele how his doctor's appointment
went. A tuxedo is delivered for Steele, and when Mildred says that Keyes and Miss Becker came to see him, Steele
is clearly troubled. A call comes in for Steele from Ilsa Lund, and Laura recognizes the name as Lauren Bacall's
character in Casablanca and snoops in on the extension. It's Clarissa, who said that there's been a change in schedule
and \it's been moved up to three o'clock." Steele invents an excuse to leave, and Laura tries to follow him, but
Mildred calls her back. Laura explains what she saw and tells Mildred the truth about Clarissa. Mildred tells Laura
to go after him.
Mildred takes a call from Alessandra, \The police are here!" Mildred heads to UniDac. Laura watches Steele
emerge from the Los Angeles County Courthouse clutching a piece of paper. As Steele drives away, Laura tries to
follow, but is cut o by Lyle Andrews, Unidac Security. When Laura says Òmega', Andrews admits it's so top secret,
even he doesn't know what that is and oers to take Laura to see the company president.
182
In Mr. Burnett's oce, Alessandra appears ready to crack as the woman insists to a cop that Burnett is dead.
Mildred arrives, claiming to be an IRS agent who just got back from a long meeting with Burnett. The cop and the
woman leave. Alessandra explains that the woman is Payroll Supervisor, so she must be in on it. Whatever ìt' is.
Mildred smuggles the body out of the oce in a mail hopper.
In Andrews' car, Laura tries to comb her hair, but realizes it's beyond repair. Laura notes she's not being taken
to UniDac, and when Andrews lets slip Burnett's name, she realizes she's in big trouble. She leaps out of the car,
tumbles down a hill, and runs away down the beach.
Laura arrives at the oce, even more disheveled than before. While she changes into sneakers, she takes a
call from Starbright Jewelers, saying that the rings for Steele are being delivered to the Little Chapel of Perpetual
Happiness. Laura puts the pieces together and realizes that Steele is marrying Clarissa. She furiously storms out,
but is drawn back by a call from Mildred. Laura tells Mildred to take Alessandra to the oce for safekeeping.
The wedding ceremony is under way, and when the minister says, \let them speak now or. . . ", Laura bursts
in. \You better believe it, buster!" She attacks Steele, who carries her (kicking and screaming) into the next room,
dumps her in a closet, and barricades the door. He returns to the ceremony, which is interrupted by Keyes, who
pronounces the marriage a fraud. Miss Becker introduces herself as from the Immigration and Naturalization Service
and reminds Steele that a marriage of convenience cannot be used to establish residency. To prove he truly loves
Clarissa, Steele gives her a kiss, which Laura sees. Miss Becker is convinced, but Keyes warns Steele, \This isn't
over." The minister continues, \I now pronounce you. . . " Mildred bursts in, \Boss, we got big trouble! They've got
Alessandra!" Laura breaks the door down, and Laura and Mildred drag Steele away, Laura driving the limo which
is decorated with a `Just Married' sign. Mildred asks about the wedding, but Laura insists they drop the issue until
the case is over. Laura thinks she knows where Alessandra is.
Alessandra is being grilled by Andrews and the Personnel Secretary. She continues to profess her ignorance
of Òmega' as the limo arrives at UniDac. Laura, Steele, and Mildred rush inside, chased by security. Alessandra
convinces Andrews that she knows nothing, so he pulls out a gun. Laura, Steele, and Mildred steal a go-cart, crash
through Andrews' door, and rescue Alessandra. Andrews gets away, and Laura and Steele chase him across the eld,
where he and Laura struggle in the mud. (And you thought Laura's appearance couldn't get any worse.) Steele can
only watch, fearing he'd soil his tuxedo. He eventually grabs a plank and coshes Andrews.
In the oce of A.J. Drury, UniDac President, Laura and Steele explain that Andrews and friends siphoned
o tens of millions of dollars into the nonexistent Project Omega. They killed Burnett when he discovered the
discrepancy.
Steele drives the limo to the chapel, and Laura demands an explanation. Steele explains that, once Laura
arranged the consulting contract with Vigilance Insurance, it riled up Keyes, who ratted to INS. Laura gets upset
when Steele seems to be implying that it's all her fault and demands Steele stop the car. When he doesn't, she yanks
the key out of the ignition, and Steele explains that if he isn't married to an American citizen by six o'clock, he's
going to be deported. Clarissa calls, from jail. Keyes had her arrested for soliciting. Steele realizes he's doomed and
resigns himself to his fate. Laura challenges him to think of something.
At the dock, Laura professes her eternal love for Steele to Miss Becker, who is moved to tears. The shing boat
casts o just as Keyes arrives. He yells, \You won't get away with this! It stinks just like those sh! You can run
but you can't hide. I'll be the last thing you see at night, the rst thing you see in the morning! For better or for
worse, Steele, you're mine! You're mine!"
The ceremony is conducted by the Spanish-speaking sh cleaner, and Laura learns that they have to keep up
the charade for two years. \This is the worst day of my life!" Steele replies, \Laura, how can you say that? The
honeymoon hasn't even started yet."
Movies:
They Won't Believe Me, Robert Young, Susan Hayward, RKO 1947.
The Bride of Frankenstein
Casablanca, Ingrid Bergman.
The Happy Hooker
Death Takes a Holiday
Notes:
Opening credits are centered. Closing credits fade.
The original script had Steele announcing that he was going to marry Clarissa, then Laura responding
\If you marry anyone, you marry me." It was agreed by all that such an exchange was unsatisfactory.
183
184
Fifth Season (1987)
Remington Steele
Starring
Jack Scalia as Tony Roselli
and
Doris Roberts as Mildred Krebs
Created by
Executive Producer
Michael Gleason
185
Fifth Season (1987)
89
Brad Kern
01/05/87 9p
The Steele That Wouldn't Die (Part 1)
6702
Kevin Inch
The TV series that wouldn't die is reincarnated as a two-hour 1987 TV-movie.
The story picks up where it left o last May: with Laura and the mysterious Mr. Steele
being wed by the captain of a Mexican shing boat. The union is designed as a marriage
of convenience, set up to prevent Steele from being deported. And the happy couple is
advised, for appearances' sake, to go on a honeymoon and take lots of snapshots to make
their ruse more believable|especially to the likes of investigator Norman Keyes, who has
vowed to expose them.
After Keyes and Steele have a number of ugly confrontations in public, Keyes is found
dead in Steele's hotel room. Soon Steele is tossed into a Mexican slammer and charged
with murder. And with Steele behind bars, it's up to Laura and Tony Roselli, another
mysterious fellow who purports to be an archaeologist, to prove Steele's innocence.
Filmed in Las Hadas, Mexico.
Fernando . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Castulo Guerra
Estelle Becker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mary Ellen Trainor
Clerk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . George Galvan
Juan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bert Rosario
To the Mendelssohn Wedding March, Laura approaches the altar of a grand cathedral in her longtrained wedding dress. She smiles at Steele, and the minister turns into Keyes, who promises to reveal that
the marriage is a fraud. Laura looks to her side, and instead of Steele stands a sh.
We recap the nal scene of Bonds of Steele, and Laura wakes up in the limo, the accordion-playing
sherman still singing in the back seat. The group return to Steele's apartment, where Laura excuses herself
to freshen up. Steele follows her into the bedroom, where he convinces Laura to put up a good front for
Miss Becker. They return to the living room and answer the door: It's Keyes, who promises he'll expose
the fraud. Miss Becker inquires as to their honeymoon plans, and notes that, thanks to Keyes, her superiors
are breathing down her neck, which means that Laura and Steele must take a honeymoon, and \take lots of
pictures." Mildred oers to arrange their honeymoon as her wedding gift.
Laura and Steele y coach and arrive at the airport, to be taken to the hotel in a rickety bus. As the bus
passes through a stretch of dirt road, the passengers duck, avoiding the gunre from the Malvados. Laura
and Steele nally arrive at the Hotel Del Amor, a dilapidated dump. The clerk gives them the keys to the
`penthouse suite' and a handful of mosquito netting. Laura asks after a phone and learns the nearest one
is thirty miles away in Las Hadas. Laura and Steele struggle up the stairs to their room, and when Laura
angrily starts hanging up the netting from a light xture, it falls from the ceiling. The two start laughing
at the absurdity of it all.
Taking a walk outside, Laura and Steele decide to `let the chips fall there they may', but Steele wants
it to happen in a `more worthy setting' and they agree to check out of the Hotel Del Amor and go to Las
Hadas. But the bill is 72,000 pesos ($100), and the clerk won't take travelers' checks. Unwilling to take their
luggage as collateral, the clerk suggests leaving Laura. \You'll come back for her." Steele putters o to Las
Hadas in a rickety jeep.
While taking another walk, Laura is surrounded by a group of men, and she makes a run for it through
the woods. When she gets trapped between the men and a raging river, another man swings in on a vine and
punches out the bad guys. But one punch pushes the man into Laura, who is in turn pushed into the rapids.
The man jumps in to rescue her. Laura grabs hold onto an overhanging branch, but slips away before the
man can get to her, and she goes over the falls. The man says to himself, \Oh, what the hell. . . " and goes
over himself. The two go ashore, where Laura is mad at the man for pushing her into the rapids, and he
is equally mad at her for getting into trouble in the rst place. He leaves, and Laura sits indignantly on a
rock; when he doesn't return, she gets up and goes after him. Meanwhile, Steele putters along the road, but
the road suddenly ends and he ends up in a river.
The man cruises through the forest, cutting a path with a knife, and Laura continues to bitch. They
reach some ruins, and the man identies himself as an archaeologist. He goes into the forest to fetch wood
186
Fifth Season (1987)
for a re to make coee, where he runs across the tough guys again. He pays them for their services, though
that last punch was a bit too much. When he returns, Laura leaves for Las Hadas, but when she heads into
the forest, she hears growling. Laura decides to take him up on his oer of coee.
Steele wanders through the woods and is narrowly missed by a golf ball. He nds a golf course and
an expensive hotel resort. Steele wanders into the lobby and asks for the honeymoon suite. The manager
Fernando recognizes Steele, and suggests he wait until morning to fetch Laura. Keyes wanders in and the
two exchange harsh words.
From the hotel room, Steele calls Mildred, who promises that heads will roll. Steele answers the door to
nd Laura, who storms in angrily, followed by the man in the forest, who introduces himself as Tony Roselli.
Steele is rather sarcastic about the situation, not giving Laura much of a chance to explain what happened.
Steele invites Tony to stay for dinner, over Laura's objections. After he leaves, Laura asks Steele why she
asked him to stay. Steele says he wanted to hear the story of what happened. Laura is mad at Steele for
neglecting her, and for not acting the slightest bit jealous.
At dinner, Steele admits to Tony that he was jealous, and his pointed remarks earn kicks under the
table from Laura. Laura quickly changes the subject to Tony's work. A bottle of wine is delivered, courtesy
of Keyes, and Steele goes over to him. When Keyes makes lewd remarks about Laura, Steele punches him,
and he falls o the balcony into the pool below. Security take Steele away.
Steele is taken to the manager's oce, where Fernando receives a call that Keyes can't seem to be
located. He warns Steele to stay away from Keyes. Meanwhile, as Às Time Goes By' plays, Laura and
Tony walk and talk. Tony catches Laura calling Steele `Mr. Steele', and Laura thanks Tony \for everything".
Steele return to his room, to nd Keyes dead on the oor, a smashed lamp by his head. Steele carries Keyes'
body to the beach, where he is discovered by security.
Movies:
Romancing the Stone, Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, 20th Century Fox 1985.
Notes:
Essentially a soap-opera episode, since there is no case being solved.
Lots of changes to the production sta, most notably the addition of Robin Bernheim as executive story
editor. (From what I can gather, she is one of Stephanie Zimbalist's close friends.)
Inside joke about sensitivity to the word `cancel'.
187
Fifth Season (1987)
90
Brad Kern
01/05/87 10p
6708
Kevin Inch
The TV series that wouldn't die is reincarnated as a two-hour 1987 TV-movie.
The story picks up where it left o last May: with Laura and the mysterious Mr. Steele
being wed by the captain of a Mexican shing boat. The union is designed as a marriage
of convenience, set up to prevent Steele from being deported. And the happy couple is
advised, for appearances' sake, to go on a honeymoon and take lots of snapshots to make
their ruse more believable|especially to the likes of investigator Norman Keyes, who has
vowed to expose them.
After Keyes and Steele have a number of ugly confrontations in public, Keyes is found
dead in Steele's hotel room. Soon Steele is tossed into a Mexican slammer and charged
with murder. And with Steele behind bars, it's up to Laura and Tony Roselli, another
mysterious fellow who purports to be an archaeologist, to prove Steele's innocence.
Filmed in Las Hadas, Mexico.
Fernando . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Castulo Guerra
Police Chief . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James Victor
Conchita . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Maria Rubell
Danielle Scribner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anna Nicholas
The next morning, Laura visits the jail where Steele is being held and asks him for his side of the story.
And things don't look good, since Keyes was at the Hotel Del Amor the days before Laura and Steele arrived,
so it appears as if they've been chasing him across Mexico. While Steele rots in jail, Laura talks to various
people at the hotel, and Tony asks if he can help. Mildred arrives (intending to clear up the travel plan
mixup), along with another woman who catches Tony's attention. Laura immediately sets Mildred to work
on nding all the insurance cases Keyes was on. Laura takes up Tony on his oer of help.
Tony takes a fake spill o a go-cart, and the guard on Keyes' room fetches medical attention. Laura
and Tony break into the room and start searching. Tony nds an unnished letter by Keyes, which says \I
am more convinced than ever that Steele is trying to silence me" and that he can prove the marriage is a
fake. While Laura searches the bathroom, Tony goes through her purse. Laura nds a hairbrush and pulls
a long blonde hair from it.
Tony returns to his room, and the woman from earlier is there waiting for him. He scolds Conchita for
coming, and she says that when he called last night, he said that \everything was perfecto." Things have
gotten more complicated, but Tony assures her that he can handle the situation. In the ensuing argument,
we learn that Tony is really an immigrations agent who has fallen out of favor and got sent on cases to
out-of-the-way places, and that his current assignment is to prove that the Steeles' marriage is a fake. The
rst order of business is to get Steele out of jail.
Mildred arrives at the jail to tell Steele that Keyes was on no other cases. And Keyes raised his insurance
by $1 million, \afraid of what you might do to him". And she also knows who switched the travel plans.
Before she can explain, Steele calls the police captain over and asks Mildred to tell him who it is that's
trying to frame him. Mildred reluctantly looks at Steele and says, \You did." The captain thanks her for
letting him upgrade the charges to rst degree murder.
Mildred returns with a rope, attached to a party boat. She ties the rope to the jail cell bars, and the
wall blows out. The police chase Steele and Mildred, and while they hide in the woods, Steele asks Mildred
to nd out who Keyes' beneciary is. He then distracts the police to let Mildred get away. Steele hops onto
the rear bumper of a passing bus, and when the bus is searched by the police, he climbs on top.
In the manager's oce, Laura goes over Keyes' bill. He made no phone calls, just rented a car. Outside,
Laura sees luggage being unloaded from the car, and Laura sees a blonde woman. She follows the porter to
the room and introduces herself to Danielle Scribner as the hotel's guest relations director. Tony pretends
to be a hotel worker delivering a cheese basket and goes into the bathroom to nd that a hairbrush is indeed
missing from her vanity case. Miss Scribner identies herself as Keyes' niece, come to claim the body.
Laura and Tony arrive at the room to nd Mildred nishing up a phone call. Tony is called away by
Conchita, and he scolds her for coming. When he sees Steele coming, he hides her under the bed. Meanwhile,
188
Fifth Season (1987)
Mildred scolds Laura for seeing another man while Steele is languishing in jail. Steele comes in, and Mildred
says that Miss Scribner is Keyes' beneciary. When Captain Suarez knocks on the door, Laura hides Steele
under the bed, where he nds interesting company. Laura tells the captain that Steele was heading to the
Hotel Del Amor, and he leaves. Laura and Steele come up with a movie reference to establish their plan of
attack, and Mildred warns Tony, \I'd hate to see anyone try to mess with this team." As the gang set o to
their tasks, Laura sees Conchita emerge from under the bed.
At night, Steele and Tony arrive at the funeral home, and while Steele carefully tries to pick the lock,
Tony just kicks the door down. Inside Steele asks about Conchita, and Tony says nothing. Steele nds an
urn labelled `Sr. Keyes'. Realizing that Miss Scribner can't have had the body cremated since she hasn't
claimed it yet, Steele concludes that Keyes is still alive.
In the hotel room, Steele explains that Keyes faked his own murder. It was he who changed the travel
plans, then staged public arguments with Steele to give the police all the motive they needed. Steele's plan
is to force the niece to contact Keyes. Laura and Steele watch Miss Scribner go into her room, where she
nds the urn already there. Steele gures she'll immediately run o to Keyes, but by the next morning,
nothing has happened. Tony arrives with coee, and Mildred arrives to inform them that the niece called
for an airport taxi. They see the niece carrying an urn while a porter takes her bags away. What our sleuths
can't gure out is why she's taking a taxi when she could be driving the car. They split up, Mildred and
Tony watch the niece, while Laura and Steele watch the car.
Tony disguises himself as the taxi driver and Mildred a fellow passenger. Conchita stops the taxi and
gets into a big argument with Tony (in Spanish). He tries to throw her out, but she stays. After the taxi
leaves, Keyes' car pulls up, and his luggage is loaded into it. Laura and Steele follow it in a go-cart, in turn
followed by the police.
The taxi arrives at the airport, and Mildred follows the niece. Conchita confronts Tony, \It's her isn't
it. That gringa brunette." Tony insists, \she's a case", but she won't hear any of it. Tony goes into the
airport, where Mildred and Miss Scribner argue over custody of the urn. When the niece asks Tony to tell
the police whose urn it is, he says it's Mildred's. Mildred asks Tony, \Who are you?"
Laura and Steele follow the car to a very lush house. They break in and smell cheap cigars, so they know
they're on Keyes' track. They nally spot Keyes running, and the two give chase, dodging police bullets
along the way. Keyes escapes on a motorboat, and Laura and Steele follow in a motorized raft. They arrive
at a dock, and seem to have lost him. They spot the rickety bus and search it, only to see Keyes leaving in
a taxi. They steal the bus and give chase, in turned chased by the police. They follow him to the airstrip
on which he arrived, where a small plane is on the runway. Steele drives the bus towards it, and they play
a game of `chicken'. Keyes loses and swerves o the runway. Laura and Steele nally catch him, but the
police arrive, and Keyes gets away. Another shot rings out, and the police capture two men with a shotgun,
and nd Keyes, dead for real.
At the airport, Mildred gives Laura and Steele their rst-class tickets, while she'll travel in tourist class.
(Three's a crowd.) Laura realizes that on the entire honeymoon they haven't taken a single picture, and
asks Tony to take a picture of them, which he does as they share a kiss. Once Laura, Steele, and Mildred
leave, Tony goes to the airline clerk and books a seat on the next ight to Los Angeles.
On the airplane, Laura and Steele toast \to nishing in Los Angeles what we started in Mexico".
Movies:
Beverly Hills Cop, Eddie Murphy, Judge Reinholt, Paramount 1985.
And Then There Were None, Barry Fitzgerald, Walter Huston, Louis Hayward, C. Aubrey Smith,
Twentieth Century Fox 1945.
Notes:
Throughout, Laura tries to rid herself of the habit of calling Steele `Mr. Steele' and instead call him
`Remington', with mixed results.
Another inside joke about sensitivity to the word `cancel'.
189
Fifth Season (1987)
Steele Hanging In There (Part 1)
6706
91
Robin Bernheim
Christopher Hibler
02/03/87
It gets tougher for the Steele's [sic] to continue their marriage charade when a woman
from Steele's past shows up intending to become the real Mrs. Steele; and Tony, the phony
archaeologist from Mexico, pops up in Los Angeles as an Immigrations agent.
Shannon Wayne . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sarah Douglas
Gladys Lynch . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Frances Conroy
Norman Metzger . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Irving Metzman
\Nine o'clock" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Christopher Stone
Mrs. McCormick? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Louise Troy
Doctor? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . David Grant Hayward
Fred . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Blake Clark
\Eleven thirty"? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Peter Jolly
Thug? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Richard Hoyt Miller
In England, a woman is confronted by two men. One asks for the money, and she promises she'll get it,
from her husband, Remington Steele.
Laura, Steele, and Mildred return to Los Angeles, where Fred gives them a letter that came special
delivery: It's from Immigration, saying that, owing to the death of Norman Keyes, they are continuing their
investigation of the Steele-Holt marriage, signed by Gladys Lynch. As they head to the oce, Laura and
Steele decide to invite Gladys to dinner to prove that they are the most happily-married couple in the world.
When they arrive at the oce, they nd it swarming with prospective clients. Laura and Steele split
up to dispatch them all as fast as possible. Laura talks to Mrs. McCormick, a secretary who married her
boss, who wants to prove that her husband is cheating on her with the new secretary. Laura turns her down.
Meanwhile, Steele yucks it up with a male chauvinist client who fails to treat Laura with proper respect.
At the Immigration Oce, Gladys Lynch reports to her new supervisor, Tony Roselli. She asks him why
he's on the case, then asks him directly, \Who are you?" since she tried to do a background check on him,
which turned up empty. Tony merely says that all he wants to do is prove the marriage is a fake; he's willing
to let her take all the credit. Gladys knows Tony has some ulterior motivation, but he merely threatens her
that she'd better go along with him.
Steele answers the door to his apartment, and the woman from the opening comes in and kisses him.
Shannon Wayne (who calls Steele `Douglas') was a friend of Steele's in Hong Kong, ve years ago. Steele
hides her in his bedroom when the doorbell rings. It's Laura, with her clothes. Steele takes the clothes into
his bedroom, and Laura suspects something is up. Steele dumps the clothes and Shannon in his closet as
Laura comes in. He takes Laura onto the bed and kisses her soundly, so she won't see Shannon. The doorbell
rings; it's Gladys Lynch, who says that Estelle Becker was removed from the case because she was too soft.
Laura and Steele make goo-goo eyes at each other, and while Laura is showing Gladys the kitchen, Steele
goes into the bedroom and drags Shannon onto the balcony. Laura and Gladys come in, and when Laura
opens the closet door, she nds all the clothes on the oor. \Men. Never let them unpack." Laura sets to
hanging up her clothes.
From the balcony, Shannon fogs up the glass and draws a little heart. Steele drags her into the living
room and hides her in the kitchen when he nds Mildred at the door. He instructs her to vanish as soon
as the coast is clear, while she continues to invite him to run o with her. Steele takes Mildred into the
bedroom, where Laura nishes with the hanging, and the pole breaks. Mildred shows Gladys the honeymoon
picture. Steele ducks into the kitchen, and Shannon isn't there. They hear a crash from the bedroom, and
nd Shannon in her underwear on Steele's bed. Laura and Steele explain her away as Steele's sister and
shoo Gladys and Mildred out.
Steele introduces Shannon, and Laura is unusually understanding because she knows that a failed
marriage means her downfall as well. Back in the living room, Gladys wants to see the other pictures, and
the doorbell rings. It's Tony, whom Laura greets with a big kiss as Steele, Mildred, and Gladys watch
astounded. Laura introduces Tony as her brother, and he and Gladys exchange glances. Laura leaves with
Tony, ostensibly to pick up Mother at the airport. Mildred notes, \Sounds like your goose is cooked." Gladys
leaves, having seen enough. Mildred goes into the bedroom and throws Shannon out. She then folds her
arms and says to Steele, \This better be good."
190
Fifth Season (1987)
Laura and Tony take a walk along the beach. Laura explains there was a domestic ti and asks Tony
what he's doing in Los Angeles. Tony says he has a standing oer at UCLA, but didn't tell her about it
because he didn't want it to look like he was following her. He then asks why Keyes thought the marriage
was phony, and adds, \If someone could prove you weren't really married, I'd be the happiest man in the
world. I did follow you here." Laura says, \Good-bye, Tony," and walks away.
The next morning, Laura comes into the oce to nd a client waiting for Steele, who isn't in. Mildred demands an explanation from Laura, who insists that Tony is just a friend. Laura sees their client,
Mr. Metzger, who would prefer to see Steele. Metzger is the executor of the Levinson estate, and he suspects
a $2.5 million painting has been stolen; Eric Lindstrom of the gallery isn't returning his calls. Laura sets to
work, though Metzger would like to see Steele.
Steele arrives at the oce, and Mildred tells him that she talked to UCLA, and they don't know anything
about a Tony Roselli. Tony comes in, and Steele takes him to his oce. Tony says he nds Laura very
attractive, and notes, hypothetically, that if they weren't really married, Laura would be fair game. Steele,
in turn notes, hypothetically, that Laura might not take it well if she found out that a certain archaeologist
was a liar. Tony says he's leaving for England in a few days. Steele sees him out, then tells Mildred to dig
up \all there is to know about that slippery wife-stealer." Then a call comes in for Steele; his `sister' just
collapsed.
Steele pays Shannon a visit, who says she has a heart condition. (The `doctor' is the man from the
opening who accosted her.) When Steele refuses to run o with her, she says, \Oh stop being such a loyal
twit. Forget Lulu." Steele is not convinced.
Laura and Metzger break into the Lindstrom gallery, where they nd that the painting is indeed gone.
Metzger insists that Laura call in Steele. Laura calls the oce and gets a phone number where she can reach
Steele. She calls it, and Shannon answers, who says, \I'll tell him just as soon as he gets dressed." The
`doctor' comes in, and Shannon insists that she will indeed become Mrs. Remington Steele.
Laura and Metzger break into Lindstrom's house, where they are shot at through the window. Metzger
demands to see Steele. When Steele arrives, he nds Lindstrom's travel itinerary and pockets it, then gives
Metzger his àdvisory capacity' spiel and leaves. \Carry on, Mrs. Steele."
Shannon returns to her hotel room, where Steele is waiting for her. He accuses her of shooting at Laura,
since Lindstrom left town two days ago. She denies it. To convince Shannon to leave him alone, Steele tells
her the truth about his `marriage' to Laura. Shannon says, \I wouldn't do anything to hurt you."
Shannon tells Gladys and Tony that Steele's marriage is a fraud, claiming that she is the real Mrs. Remington Steele. In exchange for a signed statement to that eect, she wants Steele merely deported instead
of jailed. Gladys starts quoting regulations, but Tony tells her to go take a walk.
As Shannon goes to her car, she is sprayed by fake pest control workers and is taken away in a van.
Meanwhile, Steele comes into the oce, where Mildred tells him that not only does UCLA not know who
Tony is, neither does anybody else. He simply doesn't exist. Steele instructs Mildred not to tell Laura
about this. Laura and Metzger come in, and Laura announces that they're ying to London, where one of
Metzger's friends spotted Lindstrom, who \had the nerve to invite him up to the Presidential Suite for tea."
Steele eagerly agrees, and merely dismisses the question of who it was that shot at Laura.
The van arrives at an airport hangar, where Tony instructs the kidnapers to put Shannon on a plane
to Singapore with a fake diplomatic passport. Before he leaves, Tony notes, \I pull this o, I'm back in
business." When the two thugs open the van door, Shannon sprays them with pesticide and runs away.
Metzger places a call from a pay phone: \It worked. Steele's on his way to London." In his oce, Tony
hangs up the phone, rubs his hands, leans back, and smiles.
Movies:
Arsenic and Old Lace, Cary Grant, Josephine Hull, Warner Brothers 1944.
Notes:
We have now left the world of the crime drama, never to return. From here on out, the program is a
nighttime soap opera. (Which means things get weirder and weirder, and when you think they can't get any
weirder, they get weirder.)
191
Fifth Season (1987)
6707
92
Robin Bernheim
Christopher Hibler
02/10/87
In London, Steele is blackmailed by Tony into making a dangerous delivery. Meanwhile,
Laura nds out why the woman from Steele's past has reappeared, claiming to be his wife.
Shannon Wayne . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sarah Douglas
Sterling Fitch . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ronald Leigh-Hunt
Man in tavern . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Colm Meaney
H. R. Rigby . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Hammil
Roderick Smithers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Milton Johns
Nicholas Theodopolis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Bernard Kay
Edward Helmsley . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sean Lawlor
On the plane to London, Steele tries to initiate a conversation, and assures Laura that Shannon is gone
for good. Laura in turn says that nothing happened on the beach with Tony, \because I didn't want anything
to happen." Laura notes that the stolen painting case should not take long, and they drink to \a honeymoon
in London." When they land, a man in a bowler hat watches.
Laura goes to the hotel clerk and asks after Eric Lindstrom, but there is no such person registered.
Meanwhile, Steele goes to a pub and learns that the painting Boy With Flute is in Russia, and has been
there for many years. Steele gets into an altercation and is chased out, as the man in the bowler watches. A
car passes by, and the driver says, \Get in!" which Steele does. The driver identies himself as H. W. Rigby,
from Immigration. Steele is taken to an oce, where Tony confronts him with the bogus marriage licence
and blood test. Steele ippantly explains them. But when Tony produces Shannon's signed statement, Steele
realizes he's in big trouble. Tony tells Steele he is free to leave.
When Laura checks into the hotel's honeymoon suite (arranged by Mildred), she learns that the man
with the bowler has also been asking after Steele. Laura goes to the man and identies herself as Mrs. Steele,
but he doesn't believe her. When he threatens to call security, Laura starts unbuttoning her blouse, ready
to scream rape, but he stops her. He identies himself as Roderick Smithers, come to inform Steele that he
has inherited one million pounds.
Steele joins Tony in archery practice at an estate. Tony blackmails Steele with the signed statement, in
exchange for Steele making a delivery for him. Steele realizes that this was Tony's plan all along. If Steele
makes the delivery, Tony will turn over Shannon's statement and get Immigration o his back. Steele gets
Tony to add that, if all goes well, he'll stay away from Laura.
Laura enters her hotel room and hears water running. In the tub she nds, not Steele, but Shannon.
Laura suggests Shannon is after Steele's inheritance, and when Shannon mentions the sham marriage, Laura
asks what it'll take to get her out of her life, once and for all. Shannon asks for 50,000 pounds, to buy back
some compromising photos of herself from the Duke of Wallingford. Laura oers to help recover the photos
on the condition that Shannon never reappear in her life again.
Tony boards a bus and talks to a distinguished gentleman. Fitch warns Tony that if he bungles this,
\I doubt that you'll have a friend left in the department." Tony wants to prove that there is a mole in
British Intelligence, and demands Fitch give him the documents immediately. Fitch leaves. Meanwhile,
Steele arrives at the hotel to see Laura and Shannon leaving in a taxi together. He follows.
At Wallingford Castle, Laura and Shannon join a tour group, then sneak away to the Duke's chamber,
where they nd him dead. Shannon fears `The Greek', and explains: She and the Duke had a `business
arrangement' where he would get her invited to parties, and she would relieve the guests of their valuables.
And now that The Greek has the photographs, he's going to go after her: In the photo, she is wearing the
earrings she stole from The Greek. They hide the body in a suit of armor as security arrives. Steele is part of
the next tour group, and when he hears a crash, he wanders o to investigate and nds the Duke's armored
body, and is in turn found by security.
Laura and Shannon return to the hotel room, and Mildred calls from the room next door. Laura and
Shannon pay Mildred a visit, where she says she has big news. But Laura knows that the stolen painting
was a concocted case, and that Steele is due to inherit one million pounds. Mildred has one more ace up her
sleeve, and Laura presses it out of her, namely the truth about Tony.
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Fifth Season (1987)
Steele goes to the hotel room, and takes a phone call from Tony, jotting down the arrangements for the
drop. When he goes into the bedroom to freshen up, Laura comes in, sees the note, takes it, and dashes out.
Steele emerges and nds that his note is missing.
Laura arrives at the Flamingo Club and sees Tony. She greets him with a kiss and plays amorous,
asking him what he's doing in London. Steele arrives and he and Tony try to get rid of her, with no success.
Major mind games ensue as Shannon and Mildred arrive. Shannon panics, suspecting The Greek is nearby,
and the pointed references continue, most of them under the table when Shannon hides there, and is joined
by everyone else. Laura storm o, Tony grabs Steele and takes him away, and Shannon chases after Steele,
leaving Mildred alone at the table. \Bats. They're all bats."
Steele grabs Laura on the dance oor, and Tony grabs Shannon and dances her towards Steele. During
too many changes of dance partners to count, Laura confronts Tony with his lies, Steele learns about his
inheritance, Laura learns that Shannon was put up to it by the phony doctor and the duke, Laura is furious
at Tony because he was going after her only to get to Steele, and Mildred warns Tony to stay away from
Laura. Tony spots Fitch and Shannon spots The Greek (and panics). Steele takes her outside for some fresh
air while Tony tells Fitch that everything is proceeding \smooth as silk". Fitch tells Tony, \Do try not to
let this one get away from you," and hands over the documents. Steele arrives to pick up the envelope, and
Tony explains what Steele's story is to be. Lindstrom is an spy, who, in order to buy his freedom, told Steele
about an American agent who is about to defect, and gave him the documents. Steele got in contact with
a British agent named Helmsley and arranged to give him the documents. Tony suspects Helmsley isn't
honest and will contact Tony, whom he thinks is the American agent.
Shannon overhears Tony send Steele in a taxi to Paddington Station, then is kidnaped by The Greek.
Tony steals a car to give chase, while Laura follows on foot. The Greek gets away, and Shannon says she
told him that Steele had the jewels, at Paddington Station. When a bobbie arrives and inquires as to the
commotion, Mildred shoves her purse into Shannon's hands and yells, \She stole my purse!"
Laura and Tony hop into a car and head for Paddington Station. Tony says that Steele is doing him a
favor. A dangerous one. Laura accuses Tony of getting close to her to get to Steele, but Tony says, \I didn't
have to get close to you to get to him. I just got close to you." Laura thinks about this.
At Paddington Station, a shadowy gure approaches Steele, pulls a gun, and asks questions to sound
him out. Steele passes the quiz, and Helmsley takes the envelope and leaves. Steele is then greeted by The
Greek, who demands the jewels. When Steele doesn't produce them, he and his men beat him up, and Tony
and Laura arrive to rescue him. Laura demands an explanation.
At the police station, Mildred drops the charges against Shannon, but when The Greek recognizes her,
the police take her back into custody. Steele wants to go back to the hotel to enjoy the fruits of his labors,
but the constable hands him a stack of forms to ll out. Later, Steele signs the papers at the hotel to receive
his inheritance from the Earl of Claridge, who had died and left Steele in his will as the son he almost had.
But the money isn't in cash; it's in the form of a castle in Ireland. Laura thinks a honeymoon in a castle,
shut o from the outside world, would be just the ticket.
Helmsley pays Tony a visit and pulls a gun. Tony gets away and makes Helmsley fall out a window.
Tony angrily calls Fitch. Not only was Helmsley tipped o, but he didn't have the documents on him. Fitch
tells Tony that's too bad.
At the train station, Laura and Steele get cozy in a cabin, waiting to leave for Ireland. Tony pops in,
and Laura gets a strange expression on her face. Tony gives Steele Shannon's statement and assures him
that Immigration will not bother them any more. The train pulls away, then suddenly stops, as bobbies
swarm the train. Laura looks at Tony, who says, \Help me." Laura jumps on him and smothers him with
kisses as Steele tells the constable that all is well in the cabin. The bobbie leaves, but Laura is still kissing
Tony. The train starts moving, and Laura nally breaks the kiss and plops down in her seat with a very
stunned expression on her face. Steele wonders out loud, \Why do I get the feeling I'm going to regret that
act of mercy?"
Notes:
Running inside joke about poor telephone connections. (Which I don't get.)
The \pretend to be a kissing couple to avoid a car-by-car train search" trick comes from The Thirty-Nine
Steps.
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Fifth Season (1987)
Steeled With a Kiss (Part 1)
6709
93
Brad Kern and Robin Bernheim
Seymour Robbie
02/17/87
The Irish castle Steele inherited seems to be the perfect hiding place for Tony until he can
prove he's not a double agent. Meanwhile, Daniel Chalmers must deliver Tony to the KGB
as part of a scam he is running.
Marisa Peters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Barbara Babcock
Sergei Kemadov . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stephen Yardley
Mikeline O'Flynn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Derry Power
Detective Inspector O'Brien . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alan Devlin
Nikolai Petrossian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jeremy Clyne
Terence O'Reilly? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Martin Dempsey
Bridgit O'Leary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Eleanor Feeley
Bartender . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Brendan O'Duill
At the ferry dock, Laura, Steele, Mildred, and Tony are greeted by Mikeline O'Flynn, chief of sta of
Ashford Castle. They are taken to the castle, where the sta are lined up and politely applaud Steele's
arrival. Laura and Steele are shown to the master bedroom, which is the size of a basketball court, complete
with canopied bed. Laura and Steele start to get cozy, but are interrupted by O'Malley, with the heating
bill, for $98,000. Before they can continue where they left o, there is another knock at the door. The chef
has prepared a minor repast.
Laura and Steele join Mildred and Tony in the dining room, where dinner is a boiled potato. Steele
calls Mikeline aside learns that none of the bills nor have the sta been paid for 59 years. Laura asks Steele
to fetch her sweater, while she goes outside and accosts Daniel Chalmers, who is lurking outside. Daniel
reminds Laura that he is the late Earl's chief of security, and assures Laura that he is not up to anything.
Steele comes down with Laura's sweater, and Tony grabs him and accuses Steele of tipping o Helmsley,
\If I nd out you ngered me, I'll have to kill you." Mildred has been researching the castle's history and
tells Steele that the castle has been for sale since 1532, and there have been no takers.
Outside, Steele catches up to Laura as Daniel wanders by. Laura leaves the two. Daniel asks Steele
how he could've let himself get tied down to one woman and assures Steele that he's not using his position
as head of security to abscond with the jewels. When they stumble across a cleaning lady, she and Daniel
exchange pointed comments. Laura returns to the bedroom to nd somebody going through the suitcase.
Thinking it's Steele, she grabs him and kisses him, but it's Tony. Laura goes to the window for a breath
of fresh air, then demands an explanation. Tony says he is looking for evidence that Steele ratted on him.
There is a knock at the door, and Laura reluctantly lets Tony sneak out the window. He steals a kiss from
her on the way out. Steele comes in and sees Tony getting away, but he doesn't press the matter; he shows
Laura a newspaper. The headline reads, \Local police search for double agent", and the picture is of Tony.
The cleaning lady confronts Daniel in his room. She paid him $25,000 to do something for her, which
he has already lost on the horses. She shows Daniel the newspaper and says, \All we have to do is trade
Mr. Roselli for what we need." Steele asks Mildred if they could burn down the castle for the insurance, but
Mildred says it's been tried before. Stone castles don't burn.
Steele goes to the chaueur Terence and learns that Tony took a trip into the village and asks to be
taken to the same place. Laura asks Mildred where Steele went (she doesn't know), and Mildred tells Laura
that Daniel in fact turned down the job as chief of security. Laura sees Daniel leaving with his lady friend
in a car and follows.
At O'Flanagan's Pub, Tony calls Fitch, who says that Helmsley had the documents all along and that
it's safe to come home. Fitch tells Tony there's a safe house nearby; he'll arrange things and call him back,
but warns Tony not to do anything precipitous. Steele watches outside.
Meanwhile, Daniel and his friend visit the Soviet Embassy; Laura climbs over a wall to get in. The
woman shows Secretary Kemadov the newspaper and asks him if he's interested. He asks what their price
is. The woman (Marisa Peters) is searching for her father, who had been arrested for smuggling political
refugees through the Iron Curtain. Security bring in Laura, whom Daniel pretends to be one of his servants.
He scolds her and tells her to pick up a badge at the front desk and get to work in the kitchen.
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Fifth Season (1987)
Tony goes to the safe house, but Steele catches him. When Tony insults Steele, a stght ensues, cheered
on (and bet on) by the locals. A constable comes by to break things up, and when Tony says the people in
the house can explain, the constable goes over to ring the bell, to have the house blow up.
Hiding from the police, Tony realizes that Fitch was the real mole, and he wants to go to Kemadov
before Fitch does. Steele oers to help; he returns Tony to his room, where he is clonked by Daniel. When
Steele learns that the police have arrived, he shimmies down a pipe and climbs into the study to greet them.
Detective O'Brien asks if Steele has see Tony, and Steele assures the detective that he'll call him if anything
turns up. Laura returns to the castle, where Mildred says she has learned that the castle is haunted. Mildred
says that Steele and Daniel both left for parts unknown. Laura goes to Daniel's room, searches it, and nds
something startling.
At the embassy, Steele knocks out a guest to swipe his invitation. Daniel delivers an unconscious Tony
to Kemadov, but Kemadov isn't going to give any information until he gets some from Tony. At the party,
Steele bumps into Daniel and Marisa (whom Daniel introduces as Countess Ina Olafson), but Steele sees
through the charade quickly. Daniel's coughing spells act up a little more. Steele wanders upstairs, hears a
moan, picks the lock, and nds Tony tied up inside a gunny sack. When Kemadov comes in, Steele klonks
him, and the two stu him into the sack.
Daniel returns to his room at the castle to nd Laura waiting for him. Laura tells him she knows
Daniel isn't chief of security and that he came to Ashford Castle to meet Steele. She confronts him with
his drawerful of pills and Steele's musical watch she found among his things. Daniel admits that he's dying.
And he has the watch because he stole it. Again. \As dicult as it may be to believe, the man you call
Remington Steele. . . is my son."
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Fifth Season (1987)
6710
94
Brad Kern and Robin Bernheim
Seymour Robbie
02/17/87
The Irish castle Steele inherited seems to be the perfect hiding place for Tony until he can
prove he's not a double agent. Meanwhile, Daniel Chalmers must deliver Tony to the KGB
as part of a scam he is running.
Marisa Peters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Barbara Babcock
Sergei Kemadov . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Stephen Yardley
Mikeline O'Flynn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Derry Power
Detective Inspector O'Brien . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Alan Devlin
Nikolai Petrossian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jeremy Clyne
Daniel explains to Laura that the Earl was so touched by the truth that he left Steele the castle, in the
hopes that it would bring him and Daniel together. Laura asks Daniel how she knows that this isn't just
another of his scams. Daniel replies, \You don't."
Steele and Tony take Kemadov's body into the castle dungeon, where they shackle him to the wall.
Steele and Tony agree to keep recent events secret from Laura. Laura comes in and asks Tony to leave the
room, then stares at Steele for a long time. She nally snaps out of it and asks Steele why he and Tony are
so chummy all of a sudden. Steele in turn asks Laura what she and Daniel were talking about. Laura says
that Daniel is \really a very ne man" and excuses herself to fetch Daniel.
Tony returns to his room, where Marissa and Daniel knock him out and take him away. In the basement,
Kemadov nally breaks free of his shackles. Mildred hears Tony's moans and thinks it's a ghost. Outside,
Laura confronts Daniel and tells him it's not fair of him to make her live with his secret. He agrees and
takes her inside, as Marissa hides nearby with Tony's body.
Laura gives Daniel the watch and leaves him with Steele. Meanwhile, Mildred and Mikeline poke around
the basement and stumble across something frightening. Steele comes out of the room, and Daniel leaves.
But Daniel didn't tell Steele the truth; he told a story about a dog he loved that died. Laura hears a car
speeding o and storms away, furious. Steele goes down to the basement to check on Kemadov. When he is
distracted by Mildred's mued tones, Kemadov strangles him.
In the parlor, Steele doesn't tell Mildred who the man in the basement is. Steele suggests giving the
castle to the government, but Mildred says it's been tried before. Mikeline comes in and tells Steele that
the sta have searched for Tony, with no success. Marissa and Daniel take Tony's body into the embassy as
Laura watches and puts on her embassy badge. Inside, Petrossian insists Kemadov is in conference. Daniel's
cough has gotten worse, and Daniel talks to Marissa about her father; she regrets that their last words to
each other were spoken in anger. Kemadov wanders in, tattered, and Marissa says she put Tony in the same
room he was rescued from. Laura, disguised as a cleaning lady, is surprised to nd Tony, and she helps him
escape. Kemadov, Daniel, and Marissa come in to nd Tony gone. Downstairs, Steele pretends he lost his
lighter at the party last night, and when he is left alone with a guard, Steele `pretends' to nd it and knocks
out the guard. Laura and Tony reach the coumpound wall, and Tony hops over. Daniel approaches, and
Laura tells him that she's actually glad he chickened out and didn't tell Steele the truth. \He's better o
imagining the strong father he deserves than nding out he's the son of a cowardly con-artist."
Steele wanders into the room where Tony was being held and is caught. Outside, Tony grabs Laura and
explains that Fitch set him up. Laura oers to sneak back into the embassy. Tony kisses her, and Laura is
confused. She tries to convince Tony (and herself) that she can't give up on Steele, not after four years of
getting to where they are now.
Kemadov tells Marissa that her father is alive, but he doesn't know where. He will dig deeper if she
delivers Tony. She agrees, on the condition that he tells all the moment Tony is delivered. Kemadov suggests
that Steele will lead her to Tony. Carrying a tray of tea, Marissa comes into the room where Steele is being
held and distracts the guard so that Steele can subdue him. Kemadov instructs the guard to let them escape.
Investigating a crash, Kemadov nds Laura crouched over a broken bust of Lenin. She coshes him and puts
him in the gunny sack.
Fitch arrives at the airport and is driven to the Russian embassy by Petrossian. When Petrossian says
that Kemadov has been acting strangely lately, Fitch suspects Kemadov is going to defect and needs to stop
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Fifth Season (1987)
him from blabbing to the Americans about his double-dealing. Outside the embassy compound, Tony pulls
up with a car, and he and Laura put Kemadov's body in the trunk. They drive o as Fitch arrives, and he
instructs Petrossian to follow Tony.
Steele and Marissa arrive at the castle, where she gladly joins in the search for Tony. Steele pays a visit
to Daniel, who explains that Marissa is looking for her father. Daniel talks about \the most exquisite lady
every to grace my life." While he was in prison for a failed caper, she died giving birth to his son, who was
put up for adoption. Daniel then tells Steele he is his father. Steele is furious at him for keeping this from
him for twenty years and angrily throws the watch at him. \You take your watch. I don't need your watch."
Steele walks along the grounds, and Mildred catches up to him. She asks if everything is all right, and
Steele tells her that Daniel is his father, then tells her to buzz o. Mildred decides that the way to turn
Steele around is to bad-mouth Daniel, which she does. She then asks, \Is this the way you want it to go
down?"
Steele pays a visit to Daniel's room. They reminisce on their previous escapades together, then Daniel
suggests a drink. Steele fetches it, and when he returns, he asks, \What's my real name?" But Daniel
has died. Laura comes in and comforts him, then Mikeline informs them that caskets are being delivered
downstairs.
Tony talks to Kemadov in the parlor. \You ain't going anywhere until you give me Fitch." Meanwhile,
Laura and Steele can't gure out why Daniel ordered three caskets delivered. Kemadov refuses to betray
Comrade Fitch. Fitch bursts in and takes some shots. Petrossian speeds o as Kemadov yells he can explain
everything. Kemadov scolds Marissa; Petrossian will tell the KGB that he's a traitor, so he has no choice
but to defect. Marissa asks where her father is, but Kemadov says he doesn't know, and now that he's fallen
out of favor, he never will. The police arrive, but when Kemadov announces, \I want to defect," they ignore
him.
The police inform Steele that Tony was spotted coming to the castle, and Steele lets them conduct their
search. Meanwhile, Tony dodges gunre from Fitch and dives into the lake. When Tony doesn't surface,
Fitch looks around nervously and is distracted by a driverless boat as Tony punchs him out.
Laura and Steele ask Marissa what Daniel's plan was, but all she knows is that he planned on smuggling
her father out of the country in one of the caskets. Steele realizes Daniel was playing a shell game; he'd ship
himself to Robert Peters, and while the authorities tried to puzzle out the situation, Robert would swap
bodies with Daniel and smuggle himself back to the West. Unfortunately, they can't carry out the plan
because they don't know where Robert is. Tony stumbles in and informs them that he has Fitch tied up, but
he needs a place to hide. Laura hides him in a casket, and when the police arrive, Steele turns Tony over.
Laura is furious, but Steele explains, \We didn't have enough caskets to go around." Steele takes charge and
apologizes to Marissa he's going to use the caskets in a scheme of his own. She says that she couldn't locate
her father in time for Daniel's plan anyway. \Do what you have to do." Steele's plan is to get Kemadov to
the States and Fitch to London, so Kemadov can expose Fitch.
A casket is delivered to the United States State Department. When it is opened, Kemadov says, \I love
baseball." Fitch is delivered to London in the second casket. And Daniel's body is shipped to Moscow. The
guard realize that Kemadov has defected, but since Kemadov is to be buried as a national hero, they decide
to seal the casket and pretend that it is indeed Kemadov.
Laura and Steele watch the television reports of Daniel's burial in London as a national hero for exposing
Fitch and of Kemadov's burial in Moscow as a national hero for \assorted heroic activities." Laura notes,
\Only Daniel could end up being buried as a national hero in both London and Moscow." Steele carries Laura
up the stairs to the bedroom, having decided to give the castle to the servants (who are out celebrating) and
sent Mildred o.
The phone rings; Laura sends Steele up to prepare the bed as she answers. It's Tony, who has been
released now that Kemadov cleared him. Tony reminds her of their earlier conversation and adds, \I'm
not going to give up on you." Laura quickly ends the conversation and hangs up. Steele returns, and the
phone rings again. Laura says, \Let it ring," and the two head into the bedroom. From outside, we see the
bedroom lights turned o, as the phone continues to ring.
Notes:
The Executive Producer credit was listed as `Michael O'Gleason'.
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Fifth Season (1987)
198
Appendix A: Actors List
Philip Abbott
Tom Adams
Patricia Alice Albrecht
John Allen
Rae Allen
Deborah Allison
Granville Ames
Bridgette Andersen
Louie Anderson
Sam Anderson
Nick Angotti
Fred Applegate
Joey Aresco
Pedro Armendariz, Jr.
Valorie Armstrong
Vaughn Armstrong
Lewis Arquette
Rod Arrants
Jacques Aubuchdon
Sonny Averona
Martin Azarow
Candy Azzara
Barbara Babcock
Richard Backus
Vincent Baggetta
G. W. Bailey
Tom Baker
Jack Bannon
Lois de Banzie
Fausto Bara
Joanna Barnes
Steven Barr
Judith Barsi
Calvin Bartlett
Martine Bartlett
Victoria Bass
Elizabeth Baur
Frances Bay
Susan Bay
Allyce Beasley
Terry Beaver
John C. Becher
Jackson Beck
John Bedford-Lloyd
Walter Beery
Bernard Behrens
Doris Belack
John Terry Bell
Michael Bell
Ned Bellemy
Lawrence Benedict
Derek Beneld
Tony Bennett
Al Berry
Bibi Besch
Jack Betts
Billie Bird
Raye Birk
Donald Bishop
Anna Bjorn
Stephanie Blackmore
James Blendick
Jack Blessing
Andrew Bloch
Alan Blumenfeld
Bruce Boa
Boyd Bodwell
Earl Boen
Whit Sterling
Richard \The Colonel" Moreland
Veronica
Wanda Sutton
Customer
Miss Letrell
Molly Donovan
Harold Wellington
Angel Gallen
Bing
Proprietor
Flyer?
Chubby Bitterman
Morgue attendant
Captain Rios
Judy Bartlett?
Rob O'Connell
Stuart Thorpe
Jack Prince
Prof. Arthur Thickett
Singer
Bank assistant
Emily Stevens?
Marisa Peters
Eddie Howell
Chip Carstairs
Paul Dominick
Maynard Stockman
Anatole Blaylock
Mr. Silver
Sylvia
Figueroa
Claudette Crockett
?
Youngest Piper
Ernest Templeton
Millicent
Mrs. Murdock
Vera Woodman?
Mother Trust
Joanne Pitkin
Lynette Mercer
Bar owner?
Dean Percy Wineld
Narrator?
Tommy Montague
Clerk
Dr. Romsen?
Rose
Myrtle
Henchman #1?
Bill Miles
Ernie?
Diamond 1?
Hector Tolouse?
Himself
Dock worker?
Doris Waggenbacker
Walter Gallen
Ana Dix
Waiter
Cecil Cosgrove
Albert Harrod
Jill
Christy McCall
Gutman
George Plummer
Buddy Shapiro
?
Wallace Carlisle
Clerk?
Lawyer
Puzzled Steele
Coee, Tea or Steele
Gourmet Steele
Steele Spawning
Altared Steele
Steele Blue Yonder
Second Base Steele
Steele Away With Me
Suburban Steele
Premium Steele
Red Holt Steele
Steele of Approval
Small Town Steele
Diced Steele
Steele Blushing
Steeled With a Kiss
Steeling the Show
Steele Eligible
Steele Away With Me
Steele in the Chips
Hounded Steele
Steele's Gold
Steele Away With Me
My Fair Steele
Grappling Steele
Suburban Steele
Cast in Steele
Steele Flying High
Diced Steele
Second Base Steele
Scene Steelers
Steele Trying
Molten Steele
Steele Flying High
Hounded Steele
Steele in the Chips
Hounded Steele
Maltese Steele
Steele Trying
Scene Steelers
Gourmet Steele
Red Holt Steele
Lofty Steele
To Stop a Steele
Forged Steele
Steele Away With Me
Steele Belted
Steele in the News
Maltese Steele
Steele Sweet on You
My Fair Steele
199
62
52
29
74
56
3
28
84
36
78
26
81
48
60
23{24
79
73
25
66
39
61
75
22
60
93{94
11
34
23{24
64
43
60
20
23{24
32
70
79
53
12
61
48
30
28
16
65
16
57
40
12
62
43
60
28
64
85
43
48
65
62
30
36
56
25
46
15
60
71
5
23{24
6
18
47
37
32
Actors List
John Braden
Joe Bratcher
Thom Bray
Paul Brennan
Richard Bresto
Peter Brocco
Peter Bromilow
Pierce Brosnan
Eric Brown
Therese Brown
Bridget Bruce
Ralph Bruneau
Earl Houston Bullock
Delta Burke
Jere Burns
Mark Burns
Maryedith Burrell
Laurie Burton
Anne Gee Byrd
David Byrd
Tom Byrd
Alice Cadogan
James Callahan
K Callan
Tom Callaway
J. D. Cannon
Linda Carlson
Julie Carmen
Fred Carney
Phil Casno
Barbara Cason
Larry Cedar
Judith Chapman
Keith Charles
Suzanne Childs
Kurt Christian
Rony Clanton
Blake Clark
Kevin Fairbanks
Mark Warren Prime
Agnes Fowler?
Racetrack ocial?
Loretta Marcall
Allison Greene
Nathan?
Claudia Sterling
Client
Henry Spellman/Major Descoine
Major Descoine
Doctor
Milton?
Sheldon Quarry
Friendly Fritz
Paul?
Joseph?
Major
Remington Steele
Chris Gallen
Cookie Widdoes
Mindy Piper?
Henchman #2?
Dentist?
Nancy Stinson Dannon
Rick Badham
Freddie Smith
Frances Piper
Terry Goldblume
Bonnie Neemeyer?
Giovanni
Judge Penhaligon
Chip Flowers
Toni
Emmett
Martha Ryan
Ted Warner
Elliot Walsh
Kevin Masters
Angela
Gina Barber
Flyer
Ben Pearson
R. J. Stonewell
Henchman #2?
Samantha Donahue
Sid Rothman
Stenographer?
Ahmed Kalil
Leroy
Fred
Logan Clarke
Michael Francis Clarke
Jeremy Clyne
Carolyn Coates
George Coe
Frederic Con
Burton Collins
Patrick Collins
Joel Colodner
Marie Conmee
Kelly Ann Conn
Frances Conroy
John Considine
Michael Constantine
Assistant?
Bi
Nikolai Petrossian
Mayor MacKenzie
Ace Ketcham
Joe Gullickson
Coroner?
Wendell Whittaker
Mitchell Knight
Mrs. Armdale
Helga?
Gladys Lynch
Reverend Rawlinson
George Edward Mulch
Charles Cooper
Rod Corbin
John Corey
Michael Cornelison
Richard Cox
Donald Craig
Seymour Smith
Carlos
Detective
Hospital resident
Richard Wilker
Tony Dinaldo
Hospital Doctor?
Michael Bond
Libby Boone
Buzz Borelli
Alexandra Borrie
Simmy Bow
Savannah Smith Boucher
Guy Boyd
Forged Steele
71
Steele Threads
33
Elementary Steele
44
86
Hearts of Steele
14
Dancer, Prancer, Donner and Steele 75
Diced Steele
61
62
Hearts of Steele
14
Steele Framed
27
Elegy in Steele
38
Let's Steele a Plot
55
Steele Threads
33
4
Steele Flying High
12
Red Holt Steele
25
59
Sting of Steele
21
All seasons
36
Steele Sweet on You
37
Suburban Steele
79
Diced Steele
61
Steele Sweet on You
37
Altared Steele
26
Steele on the Air
76
Steele At It
45
Steele Sweet on You
37
Suburban Steele
79
Suburban Steele
79
Blood is Thicker than Steele
36
17
Blue Blooded Steele
49
Breath of Steele
54
Breath of Steele
54
Steele's Gold
20
58
Suburban Steele
79
Steele in the News
18
Hounded Steele
43
Hearts of Steele
14
31
Steele Blue Yonder
81
License to Steele
1
Red Holt Steele
25
28
My Fair Steele
32
Illustrated Steele
63
86
5
51
3
Steele Flying High
12
Hearts of Steele
14
17
Red Holt Steele
25
91
62
Coee, Tea or Steele
74
Steeled With a Kiss
93{94
Small Town Steele
39
Coee, Tea or Steele
74
85
Premium Steele
73
Steele Sweet on You
37
Etched in Steele
7
50
Lofty Steele
46
91
Steele, Inc.
77
Cast in Steele
53
58
Steele, Inc.
77
Diced Steele
61
Steele Framed
27
Forged Steele
71
Steeling the Show
11
28
Etched in Steele
7
Steele Eligible
34
200
Ed Crick
Claudia Cron
Patrick Cronin
Tim Cunningham
Quinn Cummings
Tony Cummings
Michael Currie
Brenda Currin
Michael J. Cutt
Lise Cutter
Anita Dangler
Robert Darnell
Claire Davenport
John Davey
Alan David
Bud David
Charles Davis
Daniel Davis
Geena Davis
John Walter Davis
John Del Regno
Nick DeMauro
Janet DeMay
Don DeMita
Martin Dempsey
Robert Denison
Barry Dennen
Robert Desiderio
Alan Devlin
John Devlin
Gino DiFirelli
Stephen Dillon
John DiSanti
Jesse Dizon
Don Dolan
John Doolittle
Joe A. Dorsey
Roy Dotrice
Diana Douglas
Sarah Douglas
Garrick Dowd
Dennis Drake
John van Dreelen
John Driver
Andrew Duggan
Murphy Dunne
Michael Durrell
Debra Dusay
Ann Dusenberry
Barry Van Dyke
Gillian Eaton
James Edgcomb
John Edwards
Paddi Edwards
Peter Elbling
Stephen Elliot
Ernest Emling
Richard Erdman
Laura Esterman
Mary Beth Evans
Peter Evans
Tom Everett
Nancy Everhard
Bruce Fairbairn
Michael Fairman
Dennis Farina
Eleanor Feeley
Alan Feinstein
Bobbie Ferguson
Jessie Lawrence Ferguson
Dorothy Fielding
Carmen Filpi
Mike Finneran
Cindy Fischer
Jose Flores
Whitey Ford
Bo Neemeyer?
Grace Kelton
Jackson Grimm
Doctor?
Minor Descoine
Kyle
Werner Schumann?
Miss Hopkins?
Jackson?
?
Miss Martin?
Raymond Kessler
Hilda Lake
Sportscaster?
Newsreader?
Jake Riley?
FBI Agent?
Pierre Fumar
Sandy Dalrymple
Sergeant Briggs?
Pawn shopkeeper
Donner
Sergeant Hackett?
Bernice Foxe
Carl?
Terence O'Reilly?
Airplane Salesman
Lewis Grummond
Brian Hunter
Detective Inspector O'Brien
Herbert Welles
Referee?
Bradford Galt
Cop?
Hasuro?
Morgue attendant
Alfred R. Hollis
Sheri Dwight Cliord
Victor Jano
Mrs. Anna Dillon
Shannon Wayne
?
Arte Wayne
Francois Periot
Allan Kendall
Johnny Cooper
Eddie Grogan
Donald Piper
Courtney?
Tracy Crockett/Roxie Tyler
Creighton Phillips
Lady Monica Haddon
?
Gun shop owner?
Hazel?
?
Ùncle' Norman Baines
James Rubio
Coroner
Miss Conover?
Cindy Dirks
Sherlock Holmes
Man at aquarium?
Prancer
Clarissa
Buck Shepherd
Cop
Waiter?
Bridgit O'Leary
Bradford Murdock
?
Max Hardin
Sonia Steinmetz
Receptionist?
Billy Flynn?
Cindy Wellington
Manuel
Himself
Actors List
36
62
Let's Steele a Plot
55
87
Elegy in Steele
38
83
Vintage Steele
19
Molten Steele
40
36
85
Lofty Steele
46
License to Steele
1
67
31
86
Grappling Steele
70
Steele Blue Yonder
81
Gourmet Steele
56
Steele in the Chips
64
87
Woman of Steele
42
Gourmet Steele
56
First season
Coee, Tea or Steele
74
93
Sting of Steele
21
28
59
Steeled With a Kiss
93{94
Woman of Steele
42
31
67
85
Suburban Steele
79
Tempered Steele
2
22
Corn Fed Steele
72
Steele Eligible
34
Tempered Steele
2
Steele Hanging In There
91{92
Grappling Steele
70
Illustrated Steele
63
Steele Threads
33
85
Steele Blue Yonder
81
Diced Steele
61
Steele Sweet on You
37
Suburban Steele
79
58
My Fair Steele
32
Steele Belted
6
28
Red Holt Steele
25
22
Hounded Steele
43
Steele Blushing
69
My Fair Steele
32
Steele Belted
6
Coee, Tea or Steele
74
51
Illustrated Steele
63
Elementary Steele
44
Dreams of Steele
41
60
Bonds of Steele
88
Corn Fed Steele
72
Elegy in Steele
38
Steele Trying
65
93
Diced Steele
61
Bonds of Steele
88
High Flying Steele
35
Sensitive Steele
82
Lofty Steele
46
31
84
3
Second Base Steele
48
201
Actors List
Seamus Fords
Ken Foree
Rosemary Forsyth
David Fox-Brenton
Carol Francis
John Francis
Gary Frank
Mr. Carter
Herschel \The Hammer" Sinclair
Marjorie Flowers
Archie Whitewood
Reporter?
Leo Ne
Detective James Jarvis
Richard Frank
Tony Frank
William Frankfather
Ron Frazier
Gene Freedman
J. E. Freeman
Susan French
John Furey
John Furlong
Boyd Gaines
Gina Gallego
George Galvan
Teresa Ganzel
Beverly Garland
Joy Garrett
David Garrison
Larry Gelman
Mike Genovese
Louis Giambalvo
Ken Gibbel
Gerry Gibson
Stefan Gierasch
Ray Girardin
Paul Gleason
Julian Glover
Gary Goodron
Michael Goodwin
Steven Goodwin
Carol Gordon
Don Gordon
Scott Jeerson
Clint Overton
Frank Willard
Ed Greene
Tommy Mulch
Chester
Clarissa McCullum
Walter Muller
R. Musco?
Todd Myerson
Angelica da Gama
Clerk
Rita del Rio
Abigail Holt
Delilah Zapata
Philip Marlowe
Dr. S. Wilson Scabbard
Ross?
Jake Crowley
Punk?
Roulette man?
Felix Schneiderman
Jack Merkle
Lieutenant Benjamin
Sheri Je `Jed' Nebbins
Inspector Lombard
Policeman?
Congressman Oren Bishop
Ross Crockett, Jr.?
Mrs. White
Vincent Nash
Dancer
Vince Delgado?
Ivy Shapiro
Butch Bemis
Stewardess?
Building facilitation?
Brother Nick
Jonathan Hemmings?
Tony Petz
Doctor Watson?
Preston Hayes
Albert Wellington
Fernando
Carlton Shepherd
Mr. Holmes?
Considine
Gordon Hunter
Armstrong
Salesman (Sherman)
Truck driver?
Arthur Shelby
Woman in casino?
Rigby
Dan Kowalski
Frank Dix
Koji Asuda
Lieutenant Tom?
Lowell McKenzie
Todd Doke
Dr. Roger Chandler
Felicia/Katherine Simone
Anna Simpson
Felicia
Cop?
Steven Spooner
Sheila Fervitz
Schoolgirl?
Heather LeBlanc?
Andre Gower
Ilene Gra
Gary Graham
Isabel Grandin
Don Grey
Kenneth Gray
Brian Greene
Daniel Greene
William Gris
Harry Groener
Arye Gross
Castulo Guerra
Brian Gwaspari
Jack Gwillim
Michael C. Gwynne
Joseph Hacker
Linal Haft
Archie Hahn
Dan Halleck
Dan Hamilton
Phyllis Hamlin
John Hammil
Roger Hampton
John Hancock
Ernest Harada
James Hardie
Jerry Hardin
Robert Harper
Ron Harper
Cassandra Harris
Mark Harrison
Tom Harrison
Roxanne Hart
Jamie Lyn Hart
LaGena Hart
50
31
Breath of Steele
54
Blue Blooded Steele
49
60
License to Steele
1
Steele Framed
27
57
86
Steele of Approval
66
59
Corn Fed Steele
72
Steele in the News
18
58
62
29
Molten Steele
40
Steele on the Air
76
Grappling Steele
70
22
The Steele That Wouldn't Die (Part 1) 89
Steele Trying
65
5
Sting of Steele
21
High Flying Steele
35
Elementary Steele
44
36
Steele Second Base
48
22
Sting of Steele
21
28
Steele Away With Me
23{24
80
Small Town Steele
39
Steele Searching
67{68
Sweet on You
37
Steele Flying High
12
My Fair Steele
32
Breath of Steele
54
60
80
Suburban Steele
79
Steele Belted
6
Let's Steele a Plot
55
Blue Blooded Steele
49
Bonds of Steele
88
Steele, Inc.
77
Hounded Steele
43
87
Elementary Steele
44
Corn Fed Steele
72
84
The Steele That Wouldn't Die
89{90
Puzzled Steele
52
Dreams of Steele
41
To Stop a Steele
15
License to Steele
1
68
Steele Framed
27
Steele on the Air
76
Grappling Steele
70
Steele Blue Yonder
81
92
16
Steele on the Air
76
28
Hounded Steele
43
51
Dreams of Steele
41
Cast in Steele
53
5
Woman of Steele
42
Steele Searching
67{68
87
57
3
87
87
202
David Haskell
Bob Hastings
Marc Hayashi
David Hayward
David Grant Hayward
Luise Heath
Paul Hecht
Jack Hedley
Sandy Helberg
Jack Heller
Darryl Henriquez
Gregg Henry
Gerald Hiken
Mariana Hill
Maurice Hill
Thomas Hill
James David Hinton
Peter Hobbs
Rebecca Holden
David Hooks
Ed Hooks
Barbra Horan
James Horan
Nicholas Hormann
Michael Horton
Don Hostetter
James Houghton
D. D. Howard
Dennis Howard
Elizabeth Huddle
David Human
Gwen Humble
Mark Hutter
Rif Hutton
Mindi Iden
James Ingersoll
Barrie Ingham
Scott Jaeck
Frederick Jaegar
Seth Jae
Stephen James
Conrad Janis
Jim Jansen
Peter Jason
Will Jeries
Barry Jenner
Sanford Jensen
Milton Johns
Alexandra Johnson
Peter Jolly
Jerey Jones
Marilyn Jones
James Carroll Jordan
Tom Jordon
Darwin Joston
Israel Jurabe
Peter Jurasik
Jane Kaczmarek
David Kagen
Brian Kale
Bill Kalmenson
Gary Kasper
David Kaufman
Bernard Kay
Caren Kaye
Michael Keenan
Shanit Keeter
Paul Keith
Susan Kellerman
Frank Kelly
Brandis Kemp
Betty Kennedy
Kenneth Kimmins
Brenda King
Mark King
Lloyd Kino
Dr. Philip Lindstrom
Morty
Mike
Roger Dillon
Passenger #1?
Doctor?
Reporter
Ashley Feldman
G. W. Whainright/Benjamin Applegate
Armstrong
Winston Hastings
Teus Stavros?
Maria?
Charly Thomas
Morris Getz
Brenda Flowers
Cop?
Ross Crockett, Sr.
Mr. Matthews
Sam Fischer
Windsor Thomas
Bernie?
Cab driver
Eloise Fairchild
Assistant?
Philip Dunford
Wally
Minister?
William Westeld
Millicent Fairbush
Philip Lydon
Betty Overton
Wilson Jeries
Heather Saint-Germaine
Malcolm Marcall
Thomas Ivory
Townswoman?
Sam Woodman?
Derek Vivyan
Michael Fitzgerald
Edvard Jensen
Buckner
Plant man?
Max Donahue aka Atomic Man
Casino assistant
Butler
Martin Rome
Barry Holder
Eddie Lucas
Jack Lyman
Roderick Smithers
Lucille Seward
Eleven o'clock?
Cliord Conant
Marion Travis
Clay Platt
Dr. Tulliver
Cop?
Darryl
Phil Haver
Jack Dendra
Barbara Troy Dannon
Michael J. Spencer?
Mr. Capstone?
Security Guard #2?
Crunch Kramer
Clerk
Nicholas Theodopolis
Megan O'Toole
SWAT Captain
Tarot card reader
Bernard Geiger?
Janet Kimmell
Willard Skeggs
Madeline Vickers
Cynthia Denard
Ford Stevens
Nadine
Tom Donovan
Harimoto?
203
Actors List
Your Steele the One For Me
Tempered Steele
Blue Blooded Steele
Vintage Steele
Steele Trap
Puzzled Steele
Blue Blooded Steele
Gourmet Steele
Lofty Steele
Cast in Steele
Breath of Steele
Bonds of Steele
My Fair Steele
Lofty Steele
Elegy in Steele
Gourmet Steele
Red Holt Steele
Steele of Approval
Bonds of Steele
Steele of Approval
Steele Eligible
Premium Steele
Vintage Steele
Scene Steelers
Hearts of Steele
Corn Fed Steele
Second Base Steele
Scene Steelers
Steele Blushing
Maltese Steele
Hounded Steele
Sting of Steele
Woman of Steele
Steele Spawning
Coee, Tea or Steele
Elementary Steele
Steele on the Air
Steele in the Chips
Steeling the Show
Altared Steele
Steele in the Chips
Diced Steele
Grappling Steele
Steele Belted
Hearts of Steele
Dasher, Prancer Donner and Steele
Elementary Steele
Hearts of Steele
Steele Trap
Steele Blushing
Tempered Steele
Suburban Steele
13
60
8
2
49
91
19
10
52
49
84
56
84
46
53
54
88
32
46
29
83
84
38
56
25
66
80
88
66
34
73
59
19
30
14
85
72
48
30
69
47
58
43
57
21
42
78
74
44
76
92
4
91
28
17
64
50
62
17
11
75
26
64
61
57
70
6
92
14
75
31
44
14
50
10
3
69
2
16
79
Actors List
Bruce Kirby
Allan Kolman
Art Koustik
Jimmy Krell
Paul Kreppel
Wortham Krimmer
Marta Kristen
Sandra Kronenmeyer
Jack Kruschen
Bernard Kuby
Emily Kuroda
Richard Kuss
Mimi Kuzyk
Francisco Lagueruela
Joe Lambie
Dorothy Lamour
Diane Lander
Hal Landon, Jr.
Nancy Lane
Charles Lanyer
Alison LaPlaca
John Larroquette
William Larsen
James Laurenson
Sean Lawlor
Marianne Lawrence
Richard Lawson
Suzanne Lederer
Stephen Lee
John Lehne
Ronald Leigh-Hunt
Francine Lembi
Michael Lemon
Ted LePlat
Zoaunne Leroy
Claude le Sache
Len Lesser
Monica Lewis
Judith Light
Nancy Linari
Leon Lissek
Ernie Lively
Susan Lonergan
Jay Loudon
Curt Lowens
Keye Luke
Franc Luz
Stuart Mabray
Amanda McBroom
Frances Lee McCain
Fred McCarren
John McCook
Patricia McCormack
Mary McCusker
George McDaniel
Ryan MacDonald
Mary Kate McGeehan
Richard McGonagle
Bi McGuire
Michael McGuire
Philip Charles MacKenzie
Beverlee McKinsey
Albert Macklin
Peter MacLean
Michael McManus
Ann McMurray
Joan McMurty
Kathy Maisnik
John Malcom
Laura Malone
Vachik Mangassarian
Ruth Manning
John Manseld
Paul Mantee
Mickey Mantle
Andre Maranne
Bill Marcus
Michael Dominick
Ivan Strelnikov
Simpson?
Phil Lindler?
Stan
Everett Blaisdale
Blonde
Debbie Rebello
Buddy Brokaw
Theodore Mooney
Woman
Horace Erskin
Moriah Taylor
Henchman #2?
Burt Dixon
Herself
?
Security Guard #1?
Candy
Cohort #2
Joan Grey
Nathan Fitts
Nester Bickerman
Raymond Merleau
Edward Helmsley
Joelle
Monroe Henderson
Columbine Cooper
Dickerson
James Ryan
Sterling Fitch
Grace Stanton
Butch Moran
Steven Cole
Desk clerk?
Lieutenant?
Anthony Torrance?
B. J. Sinclair
Clarissa Custer
Dr. Sheila Marcus?
Smuggler?
Dallas
Housewife #2?
Ringmaster?
Claude
Tenake
Arnold Baskin
Man?
Boutique owner?
Jennifer Kirk
Frank Dannon
Norman Austin
Margie Kelsey
Mary Shepherd
Moody?
Harold Delanian
Sister Natalie
Clerk?
Colby
Raymond Kelly
Harry Swan
Fresco Zapata
Carl
Alexis Vandermeer
Bernard
Edward Coxworth
Ralph Kelsey
Karen Stiers?
Jessica Swanson
Teri
Newton Borg-Ward
Receptionist?
Vladimir Denisovich
Bertha Melnik
Dr. Terry Wicker
Albert Hastings?
Himself
Inspector Vouray
Jimmy Casson?
Steele Trap
10
Steele Spawning
78
36
Molten Steele
40
Scene Steelers
30
Diced Steele
61
4
Forged Steele
71
59
57
8
22
Steele Eligible
34
Gourmet Steele
56
Lofty Steele
46
Cast in Steele
53
Bonds of Steele
88
57
86
To Stop a Steele
15
85
Breath of Steele
54
13
Woman of Steele
42
92
Steele At It
45
Premium Steele
73
Let's Steele a Plot
55
8
58
92
Steeled With a Kiss
93{94
Steele Flying High
12
Steele Eligible
34
36
Steele of Approval
66
Steele At It
45
31
Forged Steele
71
Dreams of Steele
41
13
Puzzled Steele
52
Steele, Inc.
77
Suburban Steele
79
Grappling Steele
70
Tempered Steele
2
8
Steele Eligible
34
57
22
Steeling the Show
11
Altared Steele
26
Steele on the Air
76
Second Base Steele
48
Corn Fed Steele
72
Knuckles and Glass Jaws
31
60
86
60
Steele Blushing
69
Illustrated Steele
63
Steele Flying High
12
High Flying Steele
35
9
Vintage Steele
19
60
5
Steele Second Base
48
Corn Fed Steele
72
Corn Fed Steele
72
Breath of Steele
54
Maltese Steele
47
Premium Steele
73
Steele Spawning
78
Steele Trying
65
13
Dasher, Prancer, Donner and Steele 75
Second Base Steele
48
Steele At It
45
Molten Steele
40
204
Rose Marie
Kenneth Mars
Sarah Marshall
A. Martinez
Ron Masak
Michael Masters
Dakin Matthews
Jacques Maury
Deborah May
Virginia Mayo
Colm Meaney
Cli Medaugh
Micholas Mele
Tanya Melendez
Ernestine Mercer
Irving Metzman
Richard Hoyt Miller
Richard Minchenberg
Chuck Mitchell
Ben Mittleman
Andrea Moar
Robert Moborly
Richard Moll
Greg Monaghan
Julie Montgomery
Danny Mora
Bill Morey
George Morfogen
Marnie Mosiman
Stewart Moss
Chris Mulkey
Jack Murdock
Audrie J. Neenan
Mary Joan Negro?
Mark Nelson
Joe Nesnow
Thomas Newman
Anna Nicholas
Lloyd Nolan
Ted Noose
Cli Norton
Brendan O'Duill
Monty O'Grady
Michael O'Guinne
Jenny O'Hara
Dan O'Herlihy
Ron O'Neal
Chris O'Neill
Terry O'Quinn
James O'Sullivan
Simon Oates
Estelle Omens
Thomas Randall Oglesby
Ken Olfson
John Orchard
Bibi Osterwald
Gary Paget
Conrad E. Palmisano
Woodrow Parfrey
Lara Parker
Jennifer Parsons
Nancy Parsons
Dennis Patrick
Derek Partridge
Robert Pastorelli
Neva Patterson
Pippa Pearthree
Patsy Pease
Lisa Pelikan
Meeno Peluce
Susan Penhaligon
Ed Penney
George Pentecost
Clara Perryman
Robyn Peterson
Robert Phalen
Tony Plana
Joel Polis
Je Pomerantz
Billie Young
Douglas Veenhof
Susan Claireborne
Guy Nickerson
Harry Cranston
Newsreader?
Michael Fleming
Lebret
Phyllis Lewis
Herself
Man in tavern
Mr. Johnson
Postman?
Clerk?
Patsy Vance
Norman Metzger
Thug?
Reuben Saltzman
Cop?
Stakovsky
Sandra Casson?
Real Leopold Majak
?
Mr. Dayton
Lorraine Maywood
Juan Castro
Charles Dumont
Dennis Baker
Vickie Underwood
Gerald Steinmetz
Rhodes
Larry
Frannie Kuchelski
Beth
Henchman #1?
Young man?
Mr. Cutler?
Danielle Scribner
Himself
Ralph?
Morrie Singer
Bartender
Butler
Brother Bartholomew
Amy
Charles Wellington
Mr. Putnam
Flanagan
Chuck McBride
Howie Sabatchnik
Earl of Claridge
Mitzi
Greg Keever
Oscar Bergman
Albert Hoskins
Veronica Kirk
Deputy?
Reporter?
Archie Doke
Lila Colbert
Rachel
Nurse Blackell
Duncan Harlow
Leon Pinsky?
Weasel
Katherine Wellington
Nedra Dowd
Sherry Webster
Christy Cordaro
Jackie Crawford
Margaret
John McCullum
Bud Tyler
Stella Martino Dannon?
Sally Devon
Ambrose Blinn
Hector Sanchez
Eldon Veckmer
Alan Grievey
Actors List
83
Steele Blushing
69
Hounded Steele
43
High Flying Steele
35
Forged Steele
71
86
Gourmet Steele
56
Steele At It
45
Gourmet Steele
56
Cast in Steele
53
92
Breath of Steele
54
Suburban Steele
79
85
83
91
91
Forged Steele
71
Steele Trying
65
5
Molten Steele
40
62
Steele in the News
18
Coee, Tea or Steele
74
Coee, Tea or Steele
74
58
Molten Steele
40
Etched in Steele
7
Steele, Inc.
77
Sensitive Steele
82
Steele Blushing
69
51
Red Holt Steele
25
Hearts of Steele
14
Gourmet Steele
56
Grappling Steele
70
22
Cast in Steele
53
80
To Stop a Steele
15
93
9
Vintage Steele
19
Steele in the News
18
84
Lofty Steele
46
50
Coee, Tea or Steele
74
Steele Sweet on You
37
Steele Searching
67{68
Steele Threads
33
Red Holt Steele
25
Steele of Approval
66
Sting of Steele
21
Steeling the Show
11
Corn Fed Steele
72
36
Dreams of Steele
41
Steele Threads
33
Small Town Steele
39
13
Steele Blue Yonder
81
Sting of Steele
21
62
87
84
87
22
High Flying Steele
35
51
Maltese Steele
47
29
Steele on the Air
76
Altared Steele
26
Coee, Tea or Steele
74
Steele Trap
10
16
Red Holt Steele
25
9
205
Actors List
Antony Ponzini
Annie Potts
Derry Power
Dennis Pratt
Mike Preston
Emlyn Price
Faith Price
Sorin Serene Pricopie
William Prince
Van Quattro
Ford Rainey
Jack Ragotzy
Rudy Ramos
Lynne Randall
Je Rawie
James Ray
James Read
Angharad Rees
Ellen Regan
John Reilly
Brian Reise
Paul Reiser
Bert Remsen
Ellis Ren
Dee Dee Rescher
Clive Revill
Dale Reynolds
Michael Rider
Doris Roberts
Eve Roberts
Julie Anna Roberts
Virgil Robison
Randy Rocca
Charles Rocket
Maurice Roeves
Ed Rombola
Burt Rosario
John Roselius
Arthur Rosenberg
Duncan Ross
Adele Rosse
Adele Rosse
Adele Rosse
Tim Rossovich
Maggie Roswell
Hansford Rowe
Pamela Roylance
Maria Rubell
Phil Rubenstein
Al Ruscio
Jeanne Ruskin
William Russ
Susan Ruttan
Yuliis Ruval
Gene Ryals
Lee Ryan
Rex Ryon
Marco St. John
Michael Sandoval
Dean Santoro
Joe Santos
Barry Sattels
Jack Scalia
Susan Scannel
Marilyn Schreer
Vincent Schiavelli
William Schilling
Peter Scolari
Donovan Scott
Kirk Scott
Pippa Scott
Judith Searle
Penina Segall
Stan Sells
Anne Seymour
Pittsburgh Phil
Annie Carpenter
Mikeline O'Flynn
Mel Brundage
Georey Whittlesey
Bowler
Mady
Clerk?
Horton Erhart
Cab driver?
Gun-happy townsperson?
Liebowitz
Man
Dr. Carlos Perez?
Randi Russell
Rocky Sullivan
Chalky
Richard Laidlaw
Murphy Michaels
Katherine Galt
Anne Montague
Russel Stewart
Coach?
Ivan Turbell
Barney Kiernan
Felix
Real estate agent
Doctor Ellis Harvey
?
Alan Hackston?
Mildred Krebs
Caroline Welles
Rina Casellis
Teller?
Izzy Webster
Peter Gillespie
Angus Whitewood?
Coach?
Juan
Clerk?
Donald
Mickey Prentice
Mrs. Thackett?
Mary Molinski
Waitress
Patient
\Dangerous" Darryl Simmons
Hoop Tracy
Nicholas Spriggs
Marcia West
Conchita
Leo Blitzman
Joseph Berkholtzer
Mrs. Tucker?
Chance McCormick
Miss Livermore
Ursula
Chaueur
Allesandro Pascal?
Julian
Doc Gridley
Doctor Harold Ridley?
Julian Baron
Alf Nussman
Eric?
Tony Roselli
Maxine
Rachel's mother?
Leon Pulver
Frederico Rudizio?
Albee Fervitz
Vincent Dowd
Motel clerk?
Emily Dumont
Betty Lynne?
Housewife #1?
Gary
Mrs. Underwood
86
16
Steeled With a Kiss
93{94
Corn Fed Steele
72
Steele Blue Yonder
81
67
Scene Steelers
30
Gourmet Steele
56
Steele of Approval
66
Diced Steele
61
Small Town Steele
39
Tempered Steele
2
86
Corn Fed Steele
72
Steele Trap
10
Elementary Steele
44
59
67
Let's Steele a Plot
55
First season
Steele Searching
67{68
Molten Steele
40
Steele in the News
18
Steele in the Chips
64
13
31
Steele's Gold
20
Red Holt Steele
25
29
Steele Blue Yonder
81
Suburban Steele
79
Second through fth seasons
Woman of Steele
42
17
58
3
58
Blue Blooded Steele
49
31
Bonds of Steele
88
Diced Steele
61
9
Steeling the Show
11
22
Grappling Steele
70
Steele Trying
66
Elementary Steele
44
Grappling Steele
70
Steele in the News
18
17
Steele on the Air
76
17
29
Steele of Approval
66
Steele's Gold
20
Lofty Steele
46
Sensitive Steele
82
Tempered Steele
2
86
Cast in Steele
53
Steele Second Base
48
Steele Eligible
34
Steele Threads
33
Let's Steele a Plot
55
My Fair Steele
32
Fifth season
Sensitive Steele
82
Small Town Steele
39
Steele on the Air
76
Gourmet Steele
56
3
87
86
Molten Steele
40
Small Town Steele
39
Suburban Steele
79
Tempered Steele
2
Steele, Inc.
77
206
Carolyn Seymour
Michael Shannon
Pearl Shear
John Shearin
Joshua Shelley
Reid Shelton
Liz Sheridan
Bob Sherman
Armin Shimerman
Sab Shimono
Marly Sims
Raymond Singer
Raymond Skipp
Ben Slack
Benjamin H. Slack
Milli Slavin
Jean Smart
John Smet
Lionel Smith
Reid Smith
Arlen Dean Snyder
Timothy Stack
Nancy Staord
James Staley
Laura Staley
Richard Stanley
Penny Stanton
Beau Starr
Charlie Stavola
Gary Stein
Philip Sterling
Paul Steward
Don Stewart
Lynne Stewart
Tom Stewart
Diane Stilwell
Barbara Stock
Christopher Stone
Sharon Stone
Susan Strasberg
Gil Stratton
Rebecca Street
Lomax Study
K. T. Sullivan
Todd Susman
Kristine Sutherland
George Sweeney
Ken Swoord
Nita Talbot
Newell Tarrant
Jim Tartan
Arthur Taxier
Gamy L. Taylor
Irene Tedrow
Jonathan Terry
Robert Thaler
Jack Thibeau
Christopher Thomas
Summer Lee Thomas
Lawrence Tierney
Jennifer Tilly
Ellen Tobie
James Tolkan
Shelby Hanes
Fred Bigelow
Miss Marple?
Dallas
Bulletz Bloustein
Craddock
Greta Swenson
Ron?
Lester Bartholomew
Kenji
Kuromatsu
Rona?
Waldo Church
Bailey?
Winslow Avery
Sherman
Landlady?
Gloria
Daniel Piper?
Slats Kittridge
Teddy Bennett
Jim Meecham
Arthur McKinley Reynolds, III
Jennifer Davenport
Lester Shane
Miss Taplinger
Morgue attendant
Thelma?
Pops?
Waiter
Cop?
John Seward
Joseph Barber
Mitchell
Teller?
Receptionist?
Benny?
Cindi Sikes
Kitty
Man in bar
Nine o'clock?
Homecoming Queen
Miss Cooper
Announcer?
Jennifer?
Alessandra Henry
Jacques?
Miss Carter?
Nat Shavers
Pamela Johns
Blore
Michael Harrigan
Shirley Mellish
Felix Cradle?
Reporter?
Detective Steven Zweigenho
Bank Clerk
Hazel
Nanny Perkins
Mr. Ferschuver?
Wesley Poone?
Bus driver?
Executive
Dealer?
Al Molinski
Eva Wilson
Betsy Lindner
Norman Keyes
Dierk Torsek
Barbara Townsend
Mary Ellen Trainor
Louise Troy
Arnold Turner
Ian Tyler
Kim Ulrich
Monique Van De Ven
Deputy Coroner Rossfeld
Maxine Delano
Estelle Becker
Mrs. McCormick?
Cohort #1
Benjamin Carlisle
Whitney Chambers
Mary Howell Dannon
Actors List
36
62
Elementary Steele
44
Steele Spawning
78
Steele Threads
33
8
84
Steele At It
45
Lofty Steele
46
8
84
13
Steele Belted
6
Sting of Steele
21
Small Town Steele
39
5
85
Steele in the Chips
64
Suburban Steele
79
Steele Second Base
48
17
Tempered Steele
2
59
57
Premium Steele
73
Steele Belted
6
8
51
59
Tempered Steele
2
Steele on the Air
76
4
31
Steele of Approval
66
Steele Framed
27
Steele in the Chips
64
Diced Steele
61
Steele Trap
10
Steele's Gold
20
Woman of Steele
42
91
16
Steele Blue Yonder
81
31
29
Bonds of Steele
88
Dreams of Steele
41
Premium Steele
73
16
Let's Steele a Plot
55
67
86
Hounded Steele
43
Dasher, Prancer Donner and Steele
75
Dreams of Steele
41
87
Steele Framed
27
57
Blue Blooded Steele
49
Molten Steele
40
29
51
3
Steele Blue Yonder
81
Grappling Steele
70
Molten Steele
40
Diced Steele
61
Forged Steele
71
Bonds of Steele
88
89{90
Premium Steele
73
Let's Steele a Plot
55
Bonds of Steele
88
91
To Stop a Steele
15
Maltese Steele
47
Grappling Steele
70
Altared Steele
26
207
Actors List
Merete Van Kamp
Kate Vernon
James Victor
Paula Victor
Joey D. Viera
Herb Vigran
Steve Vinovitch
Paul Virtue
Nana Visitor
Tony Vogel
Peter Vogt
Deborah Wakeham
George D. Wallace
Janis Ward
Lyman Ward
Douglas Warhit
David Warner
Carlene Watkins
Freddie Weber
Byron Webster
Renee Wedel
Carl Weintraub
Jack Wells
John Welsh
Nelson Wench
Patricia Wettig
Carole Ita White
David White
James Widdoes
Shannon Wilcox
Steven Williams
Noble Willingham
Terry Wills
Chuck Winders
James R. Winker
Ray Wise
Mark Withers
Howard Witt
Ian Wolfe
Charles Woolf
Than Wyenn
Bruce Wright
Gretchen Wyler
Michael Yama
Stephen Yardley
Erica Yohn
Michael Young
Keone Young
Marty Zagon
John Zarchen
Kate Zentall
Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.
Gwen Whitewood
Nancy Evans
Police Chief
Landlady?
Henchman #1?
Seymour Glass/Fred Melnick
Brimsley
Page?
Eileen Fitzgerald
Michael Banks
Noah Devereaux
Sandra Jenkins
Emery Arnok
Jake Slater
Dolores?
Russell Forsyth
Desk Clerk
Alexander Sebastien
Sandy
Ester?
Leopold Majak
Mrs. Trout?
Carl?
Cook?
A. J. Drury?
Fred Bloggs?
Barbara Frick?
Terry Lowell Dannon?
J. W. Kendall
Claude Vandermeer
Charlotte Knight
Mrs. Wilcox?
Lieutenant?
Harrison Bumpers
Personnel secretary?
Man in casino?
Walter Munziner
Mr. Schwimmer
Norman Maxwell
George Broder
Markham
Lou Mackler
Dr. Dudworth
Policeman?
Judy Fishbane
Takahomo?
Sergei Kemadov
Nurse
Bill Smith
Mr. Moto
Sid?
Marvin T. Slaughtman, Jr.
Young Clarissa McCullum
Daniel Chalmers
Stephanie Zimbalist
Laura Holt
Daniel Ziskie
Blue Blooded Steele
49
Breath of Steele
54
51
Diced Steele
61
Steele Trying
65
Sensitive Steele
82
Diced Steele
61
Steele Blushing
69
Puzzled Steele
52
17
85
3
83
Forged Steele
71
Etched in Steele
7
To Stop a Steele
15
Steele Away With Me
23{24
9
Hounded Steele
43
62
36
Steele Threads
33
86
Bonds of Steele
88
Blue Blooded Steele
49
36
Altared Steele
26
Steele of Approval
66
Vintage Steele
19
Etched in Steele
7
87
51
Suburban Steele
79
Bonds of Steele
88
Steele Blue Yonder
81
Steele in the Chips
64
51
Premium Steele
73
Steele Trying
65
My Fair Steele
32
83
Steeling the Show
11
36
Steele Trying
65
Suburban Steele
79
Steeled With a Kiss
93{94
Steele Trap
10
Gourmet Steele
56
Elementary Steele
44
Diced Steele
61
Coee, Tea or Steele
74
29
Sting of Steele
21
Blue Blooded Steele
49
68
Steeled With a Kiss
93{94
All seasons
Bonds of Steele
88
Lyle Andrews
208
Appendix B: Basic List of Episodes
Alphabetical Order
Altared Steele
Blue Blooded Steele
Bonds of Steele
Breath of Steele
Cast in Steele
Coee, Tea or Steele
Corn Fed Steele
Diced Steele
Dreams of Steele
Elegy in Steele
Elementary Steele
Etched in Steele
Forged Steele
Gourmet Steele
Grappling Steele
Hearts of Steele
High Flying Steele
Hounded Steele
Illustrated Steele
Let's Steele a Plot
Licence to Steele
Lofty Steele
Maltese Steele
Molten Steele
My Fair Steele
Premium Steele
Puzzled Steele
Red Holt Steele
Scene Steelers
Second Base Steele
Sensitive Steele
Small Town Steele
26
86
36
49
88
54
53
74
72
75
61
41
38
44
7
71
13
56
70
58
14
35
43
63
9
55
1
46
29
47
40
32
62
51
73
52
25
80
30
48
82
4
39
59
87
A Steele At Any Price
Steele At It
Steele Away With Me
Steele Belted
Steele Blue Yonder
Steele Blushing
Steeled With a Kiss
Steele Eligible
Steele Flying High
Steele Framed
Steele, Inc.
Steele in the Chips
Steele in the News
Steele of Approval
Steele on the Air
Steele Searching
Steele's Gold
Steele Spawning
Steele Sweet on You
Steele Threads
Steele Trap
Steele Trying
Steeling the Show
Sting of Steele
Stronger than Steele
Suburban Steele
Tempered Steele
To Stop a Steele
Vintage Steele
Woman of Steele
You're Steele the One for Me
209
17
28
45
84
23{24
6
81
69
16
93{94
34
12
27
91{92
77
22
64
60
18
85
83
31
66
76
67{68
20
78
37
89{90
33
10
65
3
50
11
21
57
79
2
5
15
19
42
8
Basic List of Episodes
Production Code Order
Tempered Steele
2 0903
Steele Belted
6 2701
4 2702
3 2703
Licence to Steele
1 2704
Hearts of Steele
14 2705
5 2706
Etched in Steele
7 2707
9 2708
8 2709
Steele Trap
10 2710
Steele Flying High
12 2711
13 2712
Steeling the Show
11 2713
16 2715
Vintage Steele
19 2716
Steele in the News
18 2717
17 2718
To Stop a Steele
15 2721
Sting of Steele
21 2722
Steele's Gold
20 2723
22 2724
Altared Steele
26 3702
Scene Steelers
30 3703
Elementary Steele
44 3705
A Steele At Any Price
28 3706
Steele Sweet on You
37 3707
Steele Framed
27 3708
Steele Away With Me
23{24 3709
Red Holt Steele
25 3710
Steele Threads
33 3711
36 3712
My Fair Steele
32 3714
Molten Steele
40 3715
29 3716
31 3717
High Flying Steele
35 3718
Steele Eligible
34 3719
Elegy in Steele
38 3720
Small Town Steele
39 3721
Woman of Steele
42 3724
Dreams of Steele
41 3726
Hounded Steele
43 3732
Blue Blooded Steele
49 4701
Breath of Steele
54 4702
Lofty Steele
46 4703
Let's Steele a Plot
55 4704
Second Base Steele
Steele At It
Steele in the Chips
Puzzled Steele
Maltese Steele
Gourmet Steele
Steele Trying
Stronger than Steele
Cast in Steele
Illustrated Steele
Diced Steele
Steele of Approval
Steele, Inc.
Steele Blushing
Bonds of Steele
Grappling Steele
Forged Steele
Premium Steele
Corn Fed Steele
Coee, Tea or Steele
Steele Spawning
Suburban Steele
Steele on the Air
Steele Blue Yonder
Sensitive Steele
210
48
45
64
50
52
47
56
65
57
53
51
59
60
62
63
58
61
66
67
68
77
69
83
88
75
70
71
73
72
85
74
78
79
76
81
82
87
80
86
84
89
91
92
90
93
94
4706
4707
4710
4711
4712
4713
4716
4717
4718
4720
4721
4722
4723
4724
4725
4726
4727
4728
5701
5702
5703
5704
5705
5706
5708
5709
5710
5711
5712
5713
5714
5715
5716
5717
5718
5719
5720
5721
5722
5723
6702
6706
6707
6708
6709
6710
Appendix C: Creative Credits
Directed by
Karen Arthur
Gabrielle Beaumont
Je Bleckner
Burt Brinckerho
Robert Butler
Thomas Carter
Kevin Connor
Larry Elikann
Harry Harris
Nick Havinga
Sidney Hayers
Christopher Hibler
Kevin Inch
Rocky Lang
Sheldon Larry
Stan Lathan
Will MacKenzie
Steele Threads
33
High Flying Steele
35
Illustrated Steele
63
Premium Steele
73
85
3
9
Steele in the News
18
Steele's Gold
20
Lofty Steele
46
Blue Blooded Steele
49
Gourmet Steele
56
83
License to Steele
1
Tempered Steele
2
4
Steele Belted
6
Hearts of Steele
14
8
Red Holt Steele
25
Elegy in Steele
38
Vintage Steele
19
60
51
Cast in Steele
53
Forged Steele
71
Steele Flying High
12
17
Steele Trap
10
To Stop a Steele
15
Molten Steele
40
Woman of Steele
42
Let's Steele a Plot
55
58
59
68
Coee, Tea or Steele
74
Steele on the Air
76
91{92
86
The Steele That Wouldn't Die 89{90
Steele Trying
65
84
Steele Framed
27
Steele Eligible
34
Steele in the Chips
64
Etched in Steele
7
57
Suburban Steele
79
87
Steele Spawning
78
211
Creative Credits
Peter Medak
Leo Penn
Barbara Peters
Seymour Robbie
Alexander Singer
John Tracy
Don Weis
Story by
Joyce Armour
Howard Baldwin
Robin Bernheim
Richard Daves
Peggy Goldman
Larry Konner
Andrew Laskos
Fred Lyle
Judie Neer
Mitch Paradise
John Pashdag
Charles Rosin
Duncan Smith
R. J. Stewart
Brady Westwater
Stephanie Zimbalist
Scene Steelers
30
5
36
Steeling the Show
11
13
Sting of Steele
21
Steele Away With Me
23{24
29
My Fair Steele
32
Small Town Steele
39
Elementary Steele
44
Maltese Steele
47
50
Steele of Approval
66
67
80
Bonds of Steele
88
Steeled With a Kiss
93{94
Altared Steele
26
Steele Blushing
69
Now You Steele It, Now You Don't 62
Steele Crazy After All These Years 16
22
28
31
Steele Sweet on You
37
Dreams of Steele
41
Hounded Steele
43
Steele At It
45
Second Steele Base
48
Puzzled Steele
52
Breath of Steele
54
Diced Steele
61
Grappling Steele
70
Corn Fed Steele
72
Steele, Inc.
77
Steele Blue Yonder
81
Sensitive Steele
82
Scene Steelers
30
Steele in the Chips
64
Steele in the Chips
64
28
Steele Eligible
34
Steele in the News
18
Scene Steelers
30
28
Blue Blooded Steele
49
Hearts of Steele
14
Steele in the News
18
Blue Blooded Steele
49
Steele in the Chips
64
212
Teleplay by
Written by
Joyce Armour
Robin Bernheim
Glenn [Gordon] Caron
Michael Gleason
Larry Konner
Andrew Laskos
Fred Lyle
Je Melvoin
Judie Neer
John Pashdag
Duncan Smith
R. J. Stewart
Mitch Paradise
Brady Westwater
John Wirth
Stephanie Zimbalist
Susan Baskin
Robin Bernheim
Glenn [Gordon] Caron
Brian Clemens
Richard Collins
Richard DeRoy
Michael Gleason
Joe Gores
Lee H. Grant
Brad Kern
Gary Kott
Scene Steelers
30
Steele in the Chips
64
Hearts of Steele
14
Steele in the News
18
Scene Steelers
30
Steele Eligible
34
Steele Eligible
34
Steele in the News
18
Puzzled Steele
52
Scene Steelers
30
Blue Blooded Steele
49
Steele in the News
18
28
Blue Blooded Steele
49
Blue Blooded Steele
49
Steele in the Chips
64
Vintage Steele
19
Steele Sweet on You
37
Woman of Steele
42
Coee, Tea or Steele
74
Suburban Steele
79
91{92
Steeled With a Kiss
93{94
4
Etched in Steele
7
To Stop a Steele
15
50
Puzzled Steele
52
Molten Steele
40
Steele Flying High
12
36
Let's Steele a Plot
55
License to Steele
1
Tempered Steele
2
Steele Belted
6
Steele Trap
10
Steele Away With Me
23{24
Elementary Steele
44
Steele Trying
65
Steele Searching
67{68
80
Let's Steele a Plot
55
84
Lofty Steele
46
51
60
Steele of Approval
66
Steele, Inc.
77
Steele Blue Yonder
81
86
The Steele That Wouldn't Die 89{90
Steeled With a Kiss
93{94
Sting of Steele
21
213
Creative Credits
Creative Credits
Brian Alan Lane
Andrew Laskos
Peter Lefcourt
Elliot Lewis
Kerry Lenhart
George Lee Marshall
Je Melvoin
Rick Mittleman
Pamela Norris
John J. Sakmar
Gerald Sano
Bob Shayne
Dennis Spooner
Joel Steiger
R. J. Stewart
John Wirth
Susan Woolen
Lee Zloto
Steele Framed
My Fair Steele
Elegy in Steele
Dreams of Steele
Steeling the Show
Illustrated Steele
Steele on the Air
Steele Threads
High Flying Steele
Altared Steele
Small Town Steele
Hounded Steele
Steele At It
Puzzled Steele
Cast in Steele
Diced Steele
Bonds of Steele
Second Steele Base
Grappling Steele
Forged Steele
Sensitive Steele
Corn Fed Steele
Illustrated Steele
Steele on the Air
Premium Steele
Gourmet Steele
Puzzled Steele
Steele's Gold
Maltese Steele
Breath of Steele
Steele Blushing
Steele Spawning
Red Holt Steele
214
27
32
38
41
17
11
75
57
63
76
83
33
35
26
31
39
43
45
52
53
58
61
88
48
70
71
82
72
57
63
76
83
73
56
52
9
13
20
47
54
59
62
69
78
87
85
3
5
8
13
22
25
29
Appendix D: Dates of Broadcast
First Season: 1982{1983
10/01/82 2704
10/08/82 0903
10/15/82
10/22/82 2703
10/29/82 2702
11/05/82 2706
11/12/82 2701
11/19/82 2707
11/26/82 2709
12/03/82 2708
12/10/82 2710
12/17/82 0903R
12/24/82 2703R
12/31/82
01/07/83 2713
01/14/83 2711
01/21/83 2712
01/28/83 2705
02/04/83
02/11/83 2721
02/18/83 2715
02/25/83 2718
03/04/83 2717
03/11/83 2706R
03/15/83 2716
03/22/83 2723
03/29/83 2709
04/05/83 2722
04/12/83 2724
04/19/83 2701R
04/26/83 2702R
05/03/83 2704R
05/10/83 2713R
05/17/83 2721R
05/24/83
05/31/83 2715R
06/07/83 2710R
06/14/83 2707R
06/21/83 2712R
06/28/83 2711R
07/05/83 2705R
07/12/83 2718R
07/19/83 2724R
07/26/83 2717R
08/02/83 2716R
08/09/83
08/16/83 2722R
08/23/83 2723R
08/30/83
09/06/83
09/13/83
License to Steele
Friday, 10pm
Tempered Steele
Movie: \East of Eden"
Steele Belted
Etched in Steele
Steele Trap
Tempered Steele
Special: \Secrets of the Bermuda Triangle"
Steeling the Show
Steele Flying High
Hearts of Steele
Movie: \Shogun"
To Stop a Steele
Steele in the News
Vintage Steele
Tuesday, 9pm
Steele's Gold
You're Steele the One for Me Tuesday, 10pm
Sting of Steele
Tuesday, 9pm
Steele Belted
License to Steele
Steeling the Show
To Stop a Steele
Movie: \The Enforcer"
Steele Trap
Etched in Steele
Steele Flying High
Hearts of Steele
Steele in the News
Vintage Steele
Movie
Sting of Steele
Steele's Gold
Movie: \The Godfather"
Movie: \The Wind and the Lion"
Miniseries: \Beulah Land"
Second Season: 1983{1984
09/20/83 3709
09/27/83 3710
10/04/83
10/11/83 3702
10/18/83 3708
10/25/83
11/01/83 3706
11/08/83 3716
11/15/83 3703
11/22/83
11/29/83 3717
12/06/83 3714
12/13/83 3711
12/20/83
01/03/84
01/10/84 3719
01/17/84 3718
01/24/84 3709R
01/31/84 3712
02/07/84 3707
02/14/84
02/21/84 3720
02/28/84 3721
03/06/84 3715
03/13/84
03/20/84 3726
03/27/84 3724
04/03/84 3717R
04/10/84 3702R
04/17/84
04/24/84 3714R
05/01/84 3719R
05/08/84
05/15/84 3727
05/22/84 3705
05/29/84 3708R
06/05/84 3706R
06/12/84 3718R
06/19/84 3716R
06/26/84 3720R
07/03/84 3707R
07/10/84 3712R
07/17/84
07/24/84 3724R
07/31/84 3721R
08/07/84 3703R
08/14/84 3715R
08/21/84
08/28/84 3727R
09/04/84 3726R
09/11/84
215
Steele Away With Me (2 hrs)
Tuesday, 9pm
Red Holt Steele
Movie: \Tribute to a Bad Man"
Altared Steele
Steele Framed
A-Team 2hr episode.
Scene Steelers
Miniseries: \Kennedy"
Steele Knuckles and Glass Jaws Tuesday, 10pm
My Fair Steele
Tuesday, 9pm
Steele Threads
The Rousters: Premiere
Riptide: Premiere
Steele Eligible
Tuesday, 10pm
High Flying Steele
Steele Away with Me (2 hrs)
Tuesday, 9pm
Tuesday, 10pm
Steele Sweet on You
Miniseries: \Celebrity"
Elegy in Steele
Small Town Steele
Molten Steele
Pre-empted at the last minute
Dreams of Steele
Woman of Steele
Altared Steele
Miniseries: \Jesus of Nazareth"
My Fair Steele
Steele Eligible
Miniseries: \V|The Final Battle"
Hounded Steele
Elementary Steele
Steele Framed
High Flying Steele
Elegy in Steele
Steele Sweet on You
Special: \Cousteau Odyssey, Part 1"
Woman of Steele
Small Town Steele
Scene Steelers
Molten Steele
Special: \Cousteau Odyssey, Part 2"
Hounded Steele
Dreams of Steele
Miniseries: \Marco Polo"
Dates of Broadcast
Third Season: 1984{1985
09/18/84
09/25/84 4707
10/02/84 4703
10/09/84
10/16/84 4713
10/23/84 4705
10/30/84 4701
11/06/84
11/13/84 4711
11/20/84 4721
11/27/84 4712
12/04/84 4720
12/11/84 4702
12/18/84 4704
12/25/84 3705R
01/01/85
01/08/85 4716
01/15/85 4718
01/22/85 4726
01/29/85 4722
02/05/85 4723
02/12/85 4727
02/19/85
03/05/85 4724
03/12/85 4725
03/19/85 4710
03/26/85 4707R
04/02/85
04/09/85
04/16/85 4703R
04/23/85 4705R
04/30/85 4701R
05/07/85 4717
05/14/85 4728
05/21/85 4721R
05/28/85
06/04/85 4713R
06/11/85 4720R
06/18/85 4723R
06/25/85 4726R
07/02/85 4722R
07/09/85 4718R
07/16/85
07/23/85 4712R
07/30/85 4710R
08/06/85
08/13/85 4727R
08/20/85 4724R
08/27/85 4725R
09/03/85 4711R
09/10/85 4717R
09/17/85 4728R
Hunter: Premiere
Tuesday, 9pm
Steele at It
Tuesday, 10pm
Lofty Steele
Movie: \Last Time I Saw Paris"
Maltese Steele
Second Base Steele
Blue Blooded Steele
Election coverage
Puzzled Steele
Cast in Steele
Breath of Steele
Let's Steele a Plot
Elementary Steele (from 2nd season)
Movie: \Oh, God!"
Gourmet Steele
Diced Steele
Riptide, due to 2-hour A-Team episode
Illustrated Steele
Steele in the Chips
Steele at It
Miniseries: \A. D."
Miniseries: \Wallenberg: A Hero's Story"
Lofty Steele
Second Base Steele
Blue Blooded Steele
Steele Trying
Steele of Approval
Special: \Bob Hope in London"
Maltese Steele
Cast in Steele
Movie: \Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid"
Puzzled Steele
Steele in the Chips
American Almanac
Diced Steele
Illustrated Steele
Steele Trying
Steele of Approval
Fourth Season: 1985{1986
09/24/85 5701
10/01/85 5702
10/08/85
10/15/85
10/22/85 5704
10/29/85 5709
11/05/85
11/12/85 5710
11/19/85 5712
11/26/85
12/03/85 5711
12/10/85 5714
12/17/85 5708
12/24/85 4723R
12/31/85 4702R
01/07/86 5717
01/14/86 5703
01/25/86 5715
01/28/86 5704R
02/04/86
02/11/86 5716
02/18/86 5721
02/22/86 5718
03/01/86 5719
03/08/86 5705
03/15/86 5723
03/22/86 5713
03/29/86 5722
04/05/86 5710R
04/12/86 5701R
04/19/86 5702R
04/26/86
05/03/86 5720
05/10/86 5706
05/17/86 5709R
05/24/86 5711R
05/31/86 5712R
06/07/86 5714R
06/14/86 5717R
06/21/86 5703R
06/28/86 5715R
07/05/86 5717R
07/12/86 5722R
07/19/86
07/26/86 5721R
08/02/86 5718R
Steele Searching (Part 1) Tuesday, 10pm
Movie: Love, Mary
Pre-empted by baseball game
Steele Blushing
Tuesday, 9pm?
Grappling Steele
Tuesday, 10pm
Riptide (due to 2-hour A-Team episode)
Forged Steele
Corn Fed Steele
Miniseries: \Mussolini: The Untold Story"
Premium Steele
Coee, Tea or Steele
Steele in the Family (from 3rd season)
Breath of Steele (from 3rd season)
Steele on the Air
Steele, Inc.
Steele Spawning
Saturday, 10pm
Steele Blushing
Tuesday, 9pm
Miniseries: \Peter the Great"
Suburban Steele
Tuesday, 10pm
Steele Blue Yonder
Saturday, 10pm
Sensitive Steele
Forged Steele
Special: \AFI Salute to Billy Wilder"
Bonds of Steele
Grappling Steele
Premium Steele
Corn Fed Steele
Coee, Tea or Steele
Steele on the Air
Steele, Inc.
Steele Spawning
Steele on the Air
NBC burned o a pilot
Steele Blue Yonder
The show was \placed on hiatus" at this point, which is broadcast-speak for \temporarily cancelled".
Two months later, due to viewer demand, the show was renewed for a fth season.
01/05/87 6702
01/05/87 6708
02/03/87 6706
02/10/87 6707
02/17/87 6709
02/17/87 6710
Fifth Season: 1987
The Steele That Wouldn't Die (Part 1) Monday, 9pm
The Steele That Wouldn't Die (Part 2) Monday, 10pm
Tuesday
216
Appendix E: Esoterica
Superscript numbers indicate the number of the episode from which the information came.
The Characters
Laura Holt
Aliases include:
Miss Crenshaw
(from the Renfrow Insurance
Frieda Milch32.
Company)8.
Laura Woolsey (circus performer)35 .
Tracy Lord (nurse)9010, (hotel executive director Carolyn
Bixby (professor at UCLA)39 .
of guest relations) .
Stevens45 .
Myrtle Groggins10,49 (from the21 Society for the Francis
Mickie Boggs48.
Preservation of Train Travel) .
Laura Styles (visiting cousin)51, 71
Millicent Wirtner11(inspector from the State
Mrs. Van der Heusen (home buyer) . 72
Board of Health) .
Dr. Lorilou Holt (agriculture researcher) .
Judy Pepler (soon-to-be-divorced wife)14.
Laura Blaine (ostensibly loving wife)82 .
Miss Holtstein
(Mutual Fidelity Insurance
Laura Giles84 (reporter from West Coast Living
agent)27.
magazine) .
Frequently, Laura uses her real name even when undercover, as a
2,
secretary
high-fashion36 model33,
13
doctor ,
tour guide ,
student16, 26
Vassar alumna40,
grieving ancee ,28,29,67
AFI intern in television
directing70 , or
74
magazine reporter ,
airline stewardess .
And unnamed as a
Japanese servant8,
jogger25,
casting director
for a punk version of Gone with insurance agent27,
37 ,
the Wind 22 ,
tube of toothpaste
22
73
Alfred's cousin from Cleveland ,
plant78 lady , or
chaueur23,
cop .
14
5
Age 27 , Laura is the middle of three children . (We never hear about her younger sibling.) Her older sister
Frances41 , married for 16 years to dentist Donald Piper, moved from Connecticut37 to Tarzana, California79
when Donald got a teaching position at USC. Donald also owns a chain of twelve athletic footwear stores5 , but
only as an investment37 . They have three children; from oldest to youngest: Danny, Mindy, and an unnamed
girl79 . (This contradicts information given earlier37 when Frances says they only have two children.) At last
check79 , Frances was considering becoming a dental hygeinist so she could work with Donald. They keep
the key under the mat87.
When Mother comes, she wants her schedule packed5 . Laura grew up in Los Angeles36,38 , but her mother
lives someplace far away5,38.
Once ran away from home, but actually hid in the laundry hamper5 . When six, she found her grandmother's
missing ring and received in payment a quarter, and a grand piano25. When ten, was Junior Downhill
[Skiing] Champ63. When twelve, demanded an electric blanket on a Girl Scout overnight39 . (Or was she a
Bluebird89 ?) Dusk to dawn pinochle champ three years running at summer camp27. Her father left when
she was sixteen36 . Up until the time he left, he'd take Laura to circuses, great and not-so-great; Laura's
been addicted to circuses since35 .
Laura's mother Abigail hates a mess, and tells Laura's grandmother that she's \a dental assistant, with
great prospects of marriage". Abigail also suers from asthma5.
217
Esoterica
Was a gymnast in college (including a three-night stint as a trapeze artist in the homecoming circus)35 ,
and graduated summa cum laude from Stanford University25 in mathematics37,38,61. Wore non-prescription
glasses in order to look smarter in calculus class7 . A member of the Stanford Alumni Glee Club45 . Her
college friends, `The Girls at Four East', all have successful careers and families, including Barbara Frick
(the leader), a child psychology major36.
Apprenticed at the Havenhurst detective agency9,25,64,86, a company with seventy detectives9 , making
$24,000 per year64. Rose the the level of `full operative' in an unprecedented three years, and opened
\Laura Holt Investigations", which closed in six months. \Remington Steele Investigations" was two-and-ahalf years old when Steele shows up25. Murphy presents a contradictory timeline9 , when he says that it has
been four years since they left Havenhurst.
Lived with a man (a banker)4 , whom we later learn is Wilson Jeries19 .
Passing fancies include eating jellybeans and buying Chinese cookbooks28 . A hay fever suerer39,72 . Wears
a size six shoe34 .
Her car (an automatic convertible white Rabbit, hee hee) has license place 1ELI5258,14,19,29,30,31,43,55,85,86,
or 1E4996339.
Her house was blown up by the Enterprow Corporation25,46.
Milton (a lab technician) calls her `Binky' and we never nd out why33.
Her loft: 3A, 800 10th Street, Los Angeles, CA 9001331,33,46, phone number 555-623580. Neighbors include
Lester Bartholomew (2B, a stock analyst), Wright (3B), and Mr. Putnam (1B, a lawyer)46.
Likes to unwrap packages carefully, preserving the wrapping paper33 . Though shortly thereafter37 , she has
learned to tear up wrapping paper like the rest of us.
Had never been to Europe before they go to Cannes45 .
Swore o alcohol14 , not that she kept her promise for very long.
Studied French in school23 , knowledge of which she seems to have retained well45 . Regrets not having studied
Spanish instead23 .
On Laura's wardrobe, Zimbalist says, \I bought most of them myself, in secondhand places. I'd buy a suit
for $10, and they'd have to do $200 in alterations. But what incredible fabrics and workmanship! I own all
those clothes, still have them in my closet. And I love the look of a man's hat on a woman|the way you
look out from under the brim, just so."
218
Remington Steele
Esoterica
His name comes from a typewriter and a football team2 .
Passports include:
Michael O'Leary, Ireland 23,82
(from Dark Victory )
Richard Blaine, Australia (from Casablanca )
John Morel, France
Douglas Quintaine, Great Britain
Paul Fabrini, Italy
Other aliases (and past lives) include:
1,41 (Mutual Fidelity Insur Benjamin Pearson
Remington Steele (tour guide)36 .
27
ance agent) .
Dr. Stanley Bridges (dentist)37 .
4
Simon Quarry (best man) .
Felix Hillenbrand (professor at UCLA)39. (\I
14
Bob Pepler (soon-to-be-divorced husband) .
had an uncle named Felix," Laura explains.)
John Roby15,45 (from
To Catch a Thief ).
Lord Marchmaine (penner of lth)40 .
16
Professor Perkins . 19
Alfred Mainwaring (mechanic)40 .
Nigel Lindsey-Woolsey .
Mr. Saint-Albins (head of medival
religious
a gold prospector in the Yucatan20. 86
history at the British Museum)47 .
Harry21,49,67,68
(what Daniel, Felicia, and Candy call
Brendan Saint-James48.
him)
.
Reginald Whitewood (Duke61 of Rutherford)49,
Mr. Benton21.
(high-spending high-yer) .
Johnny Todd (street-wise lad)21,44.
Milo Minderbinder (Jingle-Grams Inc.)54 .
Montgomery Crewman
(from the State Board of Harrington (customs inspector)62 .
Exterminators)22 .
a stint in commercial art63. 66
Marcos Xenos25 when he was a smuggler in
Norman Keyes (insurance agent) . 70
Greece.
Harley Ferguson (pro-wrestling fan) .
Sterling Gilette26 (from the law rm30\Drum- Jed Steele (agriculture researcher)72 .
mond, Brady, and Sterling Gilette") .
Mick73 when he hung out with Monroe Hender Adam27 Caneld (editor of Art Insight magason.
zine) .
Benson Whitely (London coroner's oce)73 .
Gaylord29.
Detective Saunders73.
The Kilkenny Kid (Pride of the Pampas)31,
Trevor Keach
(high-ying investor)74 , (caviar
78
when he was a boxer in Rio.
sales rep) , (British Railway Association)92 .
Herman31. 32
Whartney Chambers (investment
counselor)79 .
84
Darren McGun .
Rupert Ruggles
(manservant) .
Sam Saint-Cloud 35(fashion buyer)33.
Douglas91 when he hung out with Shannon in
The Great Savini , when he worked in a circus. Hong Kong.
Nigel Woolsey (circus performer)35 .
He also posed as a
casting director
for a punk version of Gone with insurance agent27,
the Wind 22 ,
cleaning man64.
Alfred's cousin from Cleveland22 ,
All of Steele's old ames were portrayed by his real-life wife Cassandra Harris.
Address60 : 5994 Rossmore, 5th oor, Apartment À'. Phone60 : 555-4377.
Hinted that he played polo with `Charles' in London2 and took `the occasional schuss down the Alps with
Jean-Claude'63 .
His philosophy is that \nothing is worth doing unless it can be accomplished by a shortcut."52
Has a collection of pre-Columbian art and impressionist paintings6 .
Doesn't remember a thing when drunk14 .
219
Esoterica
Never carries cash. It's too bulky2,86 . And never carries coins. It's too noisy78 , though in a later episode,
he does have a pocketful of change to make a phone call85 .
\I hate [taking] pills."34
`The Honeymooners' is \the only show I never tire of"33.
Learned to y a helicopter in Monte Carlo (contessa, etc.)40 .
His car: 1936 supercharged Auburn speedster56 , front left fender replaced, grille nicked, gages scratched,
upholstry a bit worn. Steele describes it as \stylish without being ashy, daring yet understated."29 . Licence
plate is AUBURN 169. Although it was dismantled by car thieves69 , the car reappears intact in some subsequent
episodes81,82,83 .
Mildred Krebs
Aliases include:
Belle Krebs (from Houston)32.
Miss Zugsmith (from the equal rights49commission)48 .
Mildred Groggins (Myrtle's mother) .
She also used her own name as a:
Talent agent from the William
Morris Agency54 .
67,84
Magazine photographer .
Mildred's private life was kept pretty secret. Writers typically had her involved in whatever goofy things
would help the plot move along. The gooer the better.
Worked with the IRS, including six years with the Fraud Squad23,69.
Has a sister Eunice in Seattle31 . Also has a nephew Bernard (student at UCSB) via her sister Edna60, with
whom she wasn't very close. (Apparently, her parents had this thing for dumpy names.) Note, though, that
Laura says43 that Mildred has only one sister, the one in Seattle.
Divorced, husband Walter60,83 had heart trouble40 and was a generally dull person24,40 .
\Every time I go shopping, I get hungry."24
Believed in seances and all that, at least until she learned how they really worked35.
Captain of her bowling38 team, The Dragon Ladies: Hazel, Esther, and Rose43.
On her mantlepiece are some candlesticks, a bowling trophy, a photo of her bowling team, and a photo of
Laura and Steele43 . (The latter photo looks like a publicity shot, since Steele has one of those enigmatic
grins on his face.)
Doesn't like nuts in her chocolate-chip cookies43 .
A pro wrestling fan (\Hatpin Millie") and a soap opera junkie70 .
Her cleaning lady, Teresa, speaks little English86 .
Bernice Foxe
Prefers health food like avocado on seven-grain with alfalfa sprouts2 .
By her own admission, all partied out, just looking for a slightly dull, lthy rich husband2 . Though,
apparently, she was lying, since she still does the nightclub scene4 .
Knows that Steele is Laura's territory and is of the philosophy, \He's here, you're here, go for it"2 .
Ran o with a saxophone player, no doubt to join some `hot licks' in New York23.
Running gag is that Steele always calls her \Miss Wolfe".
Apparently, they didn't decide precisely how long Bernice had been with the Agency. The general assumption
is that she's been with them since Day One. She's been with them long enough to remember the last time
Laura's mother visited (nearly three years ago)5, yet not long enough to know that business drops o right
after Christmas7 .
220
Murphy Michaels
Esoterica
Aliases include:
Sergeant Milton, Wilshire Division11.
Prefers standard American deli fare like `corned beef and pastrami on a Kaiser with horseradish and
sauerkraut'2 or a more subdued ham and cheese15 .
Privately has designs on Laura's aections4,6 . (Who doesn't?) Acts on them in To Stop a Steele 15.
Played basketball in college16 . Owns fencing equipment and sailing trophies22 .
Set up his own agency in Denver, working in close association with the coroner's oce23 .
Steele calls him \Murphy McMichaels". Running gag is that Murphy always handles the autopsy reports.
Daniel Chalmers
Passports include:
Leighton Sinclair21 , Great Britain.
Eric Gooner, Sweden.
Colonel Reginald Frobish, Hong Kong.
Daniel Chalmers, Canada.
221
Esoterica
The Oce
The front door reads, \Remington Steele Investigations; Suite 1157". The oce phone number is 555-5458
(from the business card), 555-9458 (on Dr. Maxwell's appointment calendar12 ), or 555-3535 (when Bernard60
and Laura65 call). The building address is 4000 Avenue of the Stars, Los Angeles.
Door connecting Laura and Murphy's oces disappears after the rst season, though it is present in the fake
oce in San Diego77 .
Limousine's license plate is R STEELE. The driver's name is Fred, usually played by Blake Clark, though in
the later years, by somebody else who doesn't look like Blake.
Their neighbors include Cohen, Campbell, and Carstairs on 22 (an advertising rm)75, Dr. S. Wilson Scabbard on 8 (podiatrist)75 , and a diamond exchange in the oce immediately below71 .
The Computer
The computer changed from episode to episode. Its precise capabilities were never clearly dened, probably
because the writers didn't think that was necessary to do. As the writers learned that they had a computer
to play with, they made it capable of lots of things your average computer probably isn't capable of doing.
For the rst season, it was an Apple /// in Laura's oce, which she used in `Tempered Steele'. No other
rst-season episodes used the computer, but you could see the Apple /// (and later, a TRS-80 Model III)
lurking in the back of Laura's oce.
For the second and third seasons, the TRS-80 Model III (two disk drives and asynchronous communications27 ) moved to a more prominent position by Mildred's desk.
When Steele tries to use the computer himself58 , this is what he gets:
>RUN "REMS
REMINGTON STEELE CORPORATE INFORMATION FILE
WELCOME TO DATA NET
PLEASE ENTER THE
NAME OF THE COMPANY
YOU WISH TO EXAMINE
READY
>
The fourth season introduced some computer, the precise make of which I can't quite gure out.
222
The Title Sequence
First Season
Try this for a deep, dark secret.
The great detective Remington Steele? He doesn't
exist. I invented him.
Follow: I always loved excitement,
so I studied
and apprenticed,
and put my name on an oce.
But absolutely nobody knocked down my door. A
female private investigator seemed so . . . feminine.
So I invented a superior. A decidedly masculine
superior.
Suddenly, there were cases around the block. It
was working like a charm.
Until the day he walked in, with his blue eyes and
mysterious past. And before I knew it, he assumed
Remington Steele's identity.
Now I do the work
and he takes the bows.
It's a dangerous way to live,
but as long as people buy it, I can get the job
done.
We never mix business with pleasure. Well, almost
never.
I don't even know his real name.
Esoterica
Laura peeks into the oce.
Laura signs Steele's name to a letter.
Laura tackles a suspect.
Laura with a microscope.
Laura studies a ngerprint, also in darkroom.
Laura puts her name on an oce.
Nobody knocks down her door.
Laura puts Steele's name on an oce.
Laura with a cook, a chef, an equestrienne, a surgeon, a pilot, a politician, and a boxer.
Steele walks in1 (their second meeting).
Laura comes in, to nd Steele at his desk1 (nal
scene).
Laura dusts for ngerprints.
Steele soaks up the accolades1 (the unveiling).
Laura is attacked2 (at the mission).
Laura surrounded by reporters.
Steele kisses Laura's hand1 (bidding farewell).
Laura comes into the oce.
Starring Stephanie Zimbalist
Pierce Brosnan
Steele comes into the oce.
The letter Laura forges Steele's name to reads:
Thank you for your kind words concerning my
plans for a total renovation of your security
system.
Always good to work with a man who appreciates
the need for anonymity in this kind of endeavor.
I am delighted my assistant, Laura Holt, conveyed
my intentions so accurately and precisely.
I look forward to our next successful association.
Sincerely,
Remington Steele
which was almost certainly inspired by the plot of the pilot episode.
223
Esoterica
Second Season
There are two versions of the title sequence. The syndication package is distributed with the second style.
The rst style was used for some of the rst-run episodes.
Clips used in the syndication version:
[Steele joins Laura in an otherwise empty movie theater.]
Car explodes4 .
Steele picks a lock (breaking into Meecham's room)2.
Steele wanders, out of breath, through the morgue13. 6
Steele gets bashed on the head looking for Waldo Church .
[Steele grimaces, Laura smiles.]
Steele kisses Laura's hand1.
9.
Laura gasps as an elevator door closes on Alan Grievey's dead body
10
A gun points through the4 door, and Laura gets away just in time .
Laura is chased by a car .
Laura falls from a construction beam while breaking into the Federal Reserve Bank22.
[Laura shrugs, Steele smiles.]
Laura's house explodes25 .
Laura and Steele rush to close
the limo door before an oncoming truck hits them22 .
27
Laura falls into the sewers .
Laura and Steele steal `The Five Nudes
of Cairo'5 .
29
Steele and Laura frolic in the park .
[Laura looks embarrassed, Steele smiles.]
Laura gets away from Steele29 .
Steele puts his hand to his chin, dumbfound2.
The original title sequence (used when the episodes were rst aired by NBC) used a dierent collection of
clips (in particular, the second-season clips weren't included). Also, it ends with a shot of the movie theater,
with Laura's and Steele's seats empty. Only a box of popcorn remains. The change probably was to reect
the change in tenor of Laura and Steele's relationship in the third season. (Anyone who still has a tape of
the original title sequence please contact me, since I'm working entirely from memory here.)
Clips used in the original version:
Steele lights a match, then13 gets shot at16.
Steele tries to pick a lock .
The abbot's body comes down the ramp19.
Third and Fourth Seasons
Clips used in the title sequence, based on the ngerprint, gun, and lipstick montage used for commercial
breaks:
Laura laughs45 .
Steele smiles enigmatically47 .
Car explodes4 .
A gun points through the door, and Laura gets away just in time10.
Mildred answers the phone `Countess von Krebs here'45.
Mildred faints while Laura and Steele support her27. 41
Laura oats in an aquarium while Steele sits
and waits .
Laura and Steele run
through a mine eld38 .
Laura tips her hat33.
224
Steele puts his hand to his chin2.
Steele wanders, out of breath,
through the morgue13.
Laura is chased by a car4.1
Steele kisses Laura's hand .
Laura gasps as an elevator door closes on Alan Grievey's dead body9.
Laura and Steele rush to close the limo door before an oncoming truck hits them22.
Laura and Steele steal `The Five Nudes of Cairo'5.
Esoterica
Fifth Season
Clips used in the title sequence:
Laura laughs45 .
Steele smiles enigmatically47 .
Car explodes4 .
A gun points through the89door, and Laura gets away just in time10.
Tony swings in on a vine .
Tony slips o a branch and tumbles down a waterfall8941.
Laura oats in an aquarium while Steele sits and waits .
Laura and Tony look like a cute couple90 .
Mildred answers the phone `Countess von Krebs here'45.
Mildred faints while Laura and Steele support her27. 90
While Steele picks a lock, Tony just90kicks the door down .
Steele and Tony glare at each
other .
Steele kisses Laura's hand1.
Steele and Tony shake hands in greeting89.
Laura, Steele, Tony, and Mildred peep over a wall590.
Laura and Steele steal `The Five Nudes of Cairo' .
Other non-episode clips
During the second season, NBC's slogan was `Be there!', and they promoted their shows with something like,
\You couldn't be there when [something embarrassing happened to one of the characters], but watch NBC
and you can be there to see [the character doing something impressive]." The ones produced for Remington
Steele were pretty inane (and, thankfully, were aired only a small number of times), and you could probably
embarrass someone if you can nd them.
225
Esoterica
Body Count
Television private detectives run into more than their share of dead bodies. Here's a body count. People who
die of natural causes aren't tabulated. It's interesting to see how Laura's reaction to dead bodies changes.
Steele, of course, is never perturbed.
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
7:
8:
9:
10:
11:
12:
13:
14:
15:
16:
17:
18:
19:
20:
21:
22:
Total:
1
1
2
2
1
2
1
3
1
6
2
1
2
1
2
2
2
2?
1
1?
1
0
38
23:
24:
25:
26:
27:
28:
29:
30:
31:
32:
33:
34:
35:
36:
37:
38:
39:
40:
41:
42:
43:
44:
Total:
1
0
1
0
1
0
1
0
1
0
2
4
0
1
3
0
1
1
1
1
1
4
24
45:
46:
47:
48:
49:
50:
51:
52:
53:
54:
55:
56:
57:
58:
59:
60:
61:
62:
63:
64:
65:
66:
Total:
3
1
2
1
2
1
3
3
1
2
2
0
1
1
1
2
1
1
2
2
2
0
34
67:
68:
69:
70:
71:
72:
73:
74:
75:
76:
77:
78:
79:
80:
81:
82:
83:
84:
85:
86:
87:
88:
Total:
3
0
0
1
2
1
1
1
0
2
2
1
1
1
1
1
3
1
0
3
3
1
29
89: 0
90: 1
91: 0
92: 1
93: 0
94: 0
Total: 2
Grand
total:127
Car insurance
Laura's Rabbit gets more than its share of body damage. Her insurance premiums must be astronomical.
Steele hits a pedestrian with the car27.
Laura's car is stolen, then 39later crashes into another car30.
The car ends up in a river .
With Steele driving, the car is forced
o the road40.
Pushed o a cli 66by a bulldozer41 .
Windows shot at .
Vincent Dowd drives it o and crashes it87.
Spending the Night
A common tease is to have Laura and Steele spend the night together without anything happening.
74 Protecting Sheldon from the CIA.
Listening to dictation tapes.
1013 Reluctant roommates at The Devil's Playground.
25 \I'm not trying to sleep with you. I'm just trying to sleep with you."
31 Laura stays at Steele's apartment when her house blows up.
39 Laura and Steele take care of the baby.
73 Laura and Steele sleep in the woods.
82 To escape attempts on their lives.
86 Posing as a married couple.
Hiding from Pittsburgh Phil.
226
Where They Have Gone
Glen Gordon Caron: Created `Moonlighting'.
Lee David Zloto: Created `MacGyver'.
Rick Mittleman: Executive story editor for `MacGyver'.
Joel Steiger: Story editor for `Father Dowling Mysteries'.
Richard DeRoy: Story editor for `Father Dowling Mysteries'.
Show Premise Restated
1 Laura explains some of it to proto-Steele.
32 Laura tries to drill into Steele the rules of their arrangement.
Laura pleads with Steele to go along with their arrangement.
217 Laura reminds Steele of his nonexistence.
26 Laura gives her \I do the work, he takes the bows" speech to Hoskins.
41 Steele explains to Mildred the real story, but Mildred doesn't believe him.
45 Laura dreams of exposing Steele for the fraud he is.
49 Laura and Steele argue about their arrangement.
Chalmers commends Laura on her inventiveness.
5052 Laura explains the situation to Steele, in an attempt to restore his memory.
68 Laura and Steele argue about their arrangement.
77 Laura explains to Mildred who really runs the agency.
Mildred describes how Mulch should act in order to impersonate Steele.
227
Esoterica
Esoterica
Internal References
The notation a/b means that episode a makes reference to episode b. Sorted by referencer, not referencee.
Obvious sequels (the George Mulch series and the Major Descoine series, for example) are not included.
19/ 4 Wilson Jeries is the man Laura lived with.
23/19 Steele reminds Laura of her fan dance.
27/25 \He's the boss, but I'm in charge, remember?"
28/24 Steele doesn't want to lose another nder's fee.
37/ 5 Steele mentions Donald's ownership of athletic footwear stores.
43/31 Laura notes that Mildred's only family is her sister Eunice.
45/24 Steele relishes his rst nder's fee.
46/25 Laura talks about the previous home she lost.
49/45 Steele admits that Cannes was a mess.
50/ 5 Laura mentions `The Five Nudes of Cairo' to jog Steele's memory.
50/20 Laura mentions prospecting in the Yucatan to jog Steele's memory.
50/31 Laura mentions being the Kilkenny Kid to jog Steele's memory.
52/45 Whainright hired Steele because of the Hapsburg Dagger case.
53/45 The Pallermo Brothers.
53/23-24 Acapulco (listing Steele's escapades).
53/31 South America (listing Steele's escapades).
53/50 Ireland (listing Steele's escapades).
53/27,38 Major Descoine.
58/45 Laura and Steele decide to forego their Cannes àrrangement'.
61/ 5 The Five Nudes of Cairo.
61/24 The Marchesa Collection in Acapulco.
61/45 Mildred notes she lost mega bucks in Cannes.
62/54 Holt's Last Case cf. Steele's Last Case.
67/ 2 Laura recalls when she asked Steele `Who are you?'
67-68/50 The watch.
69/67-68 Mildred reminds Steele of their London escapades.
74/67-68 Mildred reminds Steele of their London escapades.
76/57 Steele compares the case to the Atomic Man case.
77/27 Laura mentions when Steele was being framed for murder.
77/66 Laura mentions when Steele lost the agency's licence.
77/71 Laura mentions when Steele gambled away the agency.
79/45 The Japanese investigators mention the Hapsburg Dagger case.
79/47 The Japanese investigators mention the Maltese Cross case.
80/34 Steele breaks the same leg as last time.
80/44 Laura recalls the last time she had a secret admirer.
81/ 5 Laura reminds Steele of the time they stole `The Five Nudes of Cairo'.
82/48 Steele compares the case to the baseball fantasy camp.
82/36 Steele says, \I hear you".
82/67-68 Laura brings up their London escapades.
82/23-24 Laura brings up their Acapulco escapades.
82/45 Laura brings up their Cannes escapades.
88/60 Steele plans to marry the call girl Clarissa.
90/10 Laura and Steele mention it while trying to come up with a theory.
94/21 Steele and Daniel reminisce.
94/49 Steele and Daniel reminisce.
228
Appendix F: Film Annotations
The number in parentheses indicates which episode the citation was taken from. When reproducing
dialog, a dash indicates the movie title.
The Alphabet Murders (48)
Steele: \A variation on |, uh Tony Randall, Robert Morley. . . "
Laura: \I know, I know."
(Tony Randall, Robert Morley, MGM 1965; based on \The ABC Murders" by Agatha Christie.)
And Then There Were None (10)
Steele: \|."
Laura: \That's what I'm afraid of."
Steele: \No, the movie!"
Laura: \What movie?"
Steele: \Barry Fitzgerald, Walter Huston, Louis Hayward, June Depree, for God's sake."
Laura: \Get a grip on yourself. You're coming unhinged."
Steele: \|, Barry Fitzgerald, Walter Huston. . . "
Laura: \I remember."
Steele: \|."
Tony: \There's not much."
Steele: \Barry Fitzgerald."
Tony: \This isn't Keyes?"
Steele: \Walter Huston, Louis Hayward, C. Aubrey Smith, Twentieth Century Fox 1945."
Anna Karenina (22)
Steele: \Or the train station. I mean, Garbo threw herself in front of a train in |."
(Greta Garbo, Fredric March, Basil Rathbone, MGM 1935.)
Arsenic and Old Lace (55)
Steele: \|, Cary Grant, Raymond Massey, Warner Brothers 1944."
Arsenic and Old Lace (91)
Steele: \|?"
Mildred: \Come again, chief?"
Steele: \Cary Grant, Josephine Hull, Warner Brothers 1944."
Bad Day at Black Rock (39)
Steele: \I must admit that this case is beginning to sound more and more like |."
Laura: \Annotation?"
Steele: \Spencer Tracy, Robert Ryan, MGM 1954."
The Bad Seed (36)
Steele: \You expect me to travel in that [the RV] with |?"
(Nancy Kelly, Patty McCormack, Warner Brothers 1956.)
Bambi (64)
Steele: \A movie would be a good idea. What would you like to see?"
Laura: \I'll leave it to you, Mr. Steele."
Steele: \I want to see |."
229
Film Annotations
The Barefoot Contessa (62)
Steele: \|."
Laura: \Who?"
Steele: \Humphrey Bogart, Ava Garnder, United Artists 1954."
Beau Geste (45)
Steele: \|."
Laura: \I'm really not in the mood for one of your movie quotes right now."
(Three versions, Ronald Colman, Neil Hamilton, William Powell, Paramount 1926 [silent]. Cary
Cooper, Ray Milland, Paramout 1939. And Telly Savalas, Guy Stockwell, Universal 1966. Avoid the
1966 version.)
Beverly Hills Cop (79)
Steele: \|, Eddie Murphy, Judge Reinholt, Paramount 1984. A wealthy industrialists smuggles
bearer bonds hidden inside shipping crates."
Donald: \What are you talking about?"
Beverly Hills Cop (90)
Laura: \|."
Tony: \Who?"
Steele: \Eddie Murphy, Judge Reinholt, Paramount 1985. Excellent, Laura."
The Big Sleep (12)
Laura: \Say something. If you can't talk, groan."
Steele: \|, Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, Warner Brothers 1946."
Laura: \Good God, you're babbling."
The Big Sleep (13)
Dr. Wicker: \Welcome to |."
The Big Sleep (44)
Steele: \|."
Laura: \What?"
Steele: \A killer sets a trap for Bogart. . . . "
A Bill of Divorcement (70)
Laura: \A Bill of Whatchamacallit, with Who's-it's and What's-his-name?"
Steele: \Ah yes, uh, |, uh John Barrymore, Katherine Hepburn, RKO 1932."
Blood Alley (58)
Steele: \I was only going to investigate a doll factory. I didn't anticipate |."
(John Wayne, Lauren Bacall, Warner Brothers 1955.)
Blow Up (84)
Laura: \|. David Hemmings, Vannessa Redgrave, MGM 1967. Or was it 1966."
Bernie: \What are you mumbling about?"
Laura: \A certain friend of mine will be very proud of me right now."
(It was 1966.)
Body Heat (76)
Steele: \|."
Mildred: \It certainly was!"
Steele: \Kathleen Turner, William Hurt, Warner Brothers 1981."
230
Film Annotations
Boom Town (37)
Laura: \Look, before you convince yourself that it's | all over again,"
Frances: \What?"
Laura: \| MGM 1940. Clark Gable leaves Claudette Colbert for Hedy La. . ." [Realizes what she's
just said.]
Boys' Town (51)
Steele: \All right everybody, here we go. |, Spencer Tracy, Mickey Rooney, MGM 1938."
Laura: \Yeah, yeah, I know."
The Bride of Frankenstein (23)
Steele: \Uh, who is it?"
Laura: \|."
(Boris Karlo, Elsa Lanchester, Universal 1935.)
The Bride of Frankenstein (88)
Mildred: [to Laura] \You look like |."
Casablanca (2)
Laura: \Who are you? Where did you come from?"
Steele: \Humphrey Bogart to Ingrid Bergman, |, Warner Brothers 1942."
Casablanca (14)
Steele: \Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world. . . "
Casablanca (24)
Laura: \Richard Blaine. Why is that name so familiar?"
Steele: \It's the name of the character Bogart played in |."
Casablanca (50)
Laura: \You don't have to be a movie bu to realize what you just recounted is a scene from |."
Casablanca (88)
Laura: \Ilsa Lund!"
Mildred: \What are you doing?"
Laura: \Ilsa Lund is the name of the character Ingrid Bergman played in |."
Chain the Tiger (82)
Steele: \|, Jack Lemmon, Jack Guilford, Paramount 19. . .72."
Charade (28)
Laura: \|."
Steele: \The game or the movie?"
Laura: \Cary Grant, Audrey Hepburn!"
Steele: \Universal 1964.'
Chinatown (12)
Laura: \|. I, too, attend an occasional movie. Is there another book like this one?"
Clerk: \Of course not."
Steele: \A page has been torn out."
Clerk: \Never happened before that damn movie."
(Jack Nicholson, Faye Dunaway, Paramount 1974.)
Citizen Kane (10)
Laura: \Franks and beans, on Wedgewood? Shades of Citizen Hearst."
231
Film Annotations
Citizen Kane (50)
Steele: \I'm looking for Orson Welles. Or was it Joseph Cotten. Ah, yes, yes. Xanadu. I'm looking
for Xanadu."
(later)
Laura: \The movie |?"
Steele: \Uh, Orson Welles, Joseph Cotten, RKO 1941."
Coma (13)
Steele: \You know what they tried to do to Genevieve Bujold in |."
Convicted (87)
Steele: \|, Glenn Ford, Broderick Crawford, Columbia 1950. Ford plays an innocent man convicted
to life imprisonment for a murder he didn't commit."
Sergeant: \Ruth Rolman played the dame, right?"
Steele: \Dorothy Malone, actually."
The Corpse Came C.O.D. (60)
Steele: \|"
Bernard: \We're going to try to get money for it?"
Steele: \George Brent, Joan Blondell, Columbia 1947."
A Day at the Races (50)
Steele: \The stills outside the cinema pointed the way all the time, only I didn't connect them 'til
now. |. Come on!"
(Marx Brothers, MGM 1937.)
The Day of the Jackal (58)
Steele: \Ah. |, Edwards Fox, Michel Lonsdale, Universal 19. . .73."
Mulch: \Yeah!"
Mildred: \Whaddya mean, `Yeah'?"
The Day of the Jackal (68)
Steele: \|."
Daniel: \Jackal? They'll be feeding on our caracasses if you don't pull this o."
Steele: \Edward Fox, Michael Lonsdale, Universal 1973."
Death Race 2000 (44)
Steele: \For gosh sakes, slow down, will you? This isn't |."
(David Carradine, Sylvester Stallone, New World 1975.)
Death Takes a Holiday (86)
Mildred: \But I don't understand. How?"
Steele: \|, Fredric March, Evelyn Venable, Paramount 1934."
Laura: \Mr. Steele, please."
Death Takes a Holiday (88)
Steele: \Look, if death can take a holiday, why can't you?"
Dirty Harry (53)
Lloyd Nolan: \No disrespect, but let's face it. | you ain't."
(Clint Eastwood, Harry Guardino, Warner Brothers 1971.)
Dirty Harry (80)
Mildred: \| is beginning to look better and better."
232
Film Annotations
D.O.A. (6)
Steele: \|. Edmond O'Brien, Andrew Britten, United Artists 1949."
Laura: \|?"
Steele: \Uh huh. It means `dead on arrival'."
Laura: \I know what it means, what does it mean?"
D.O.A. (73)
Steele: \|! Edmond O'Brien, Luther Adler, United Artists 1949."
Easy Rider (72)
Steele: \Right idea, wrong movie. It was |."
Enter the Dragon (8)
Steele: \Are we looking here at |, with Bruce Lee on the trail of illicit narcotics?"
(John Saxon, 1973)
The Fan (53)
Steele: \|."
Virginia Mayo: \What?"
Steele: \Lauren Bacall, James Garner, Paramount 1981."
Fear Strikes Out (48)
Steele: \How about a double feature tonight to take our minds o the case."
Laura: \What's playing?"
Steele: \| and Pride of the Yankees."
(Anthony Perkins, Karl Malden, Paramount 1957.)
From Russia With Love (50)
Steele: \Into the back and throw the oil drums into their path!"
Laura: \Right! . . . Oil drums! There aren't any oil drums!"
Steele: \There were in |!"
(Sean Connery, Robert Shaw, Pedro Armendariz, United Artists 1963.)
The Fuller Brush Man (49)
Steele: \|, Red Skelton, Janet Blair, Columbia 1948."
Gaslight (22)
Steele: \Are you suggesting. . . |?"
Alfred: \What?"
Steele: \Charles Boyer, Ingrid Bergman, MGM 1944."
(A remake of the 1939 version by British National.)
Gaslight (63)
Steele: \|."
Laura: \The ashlight's ne, thanks."
Steele: \Ingrid Bergman, Charles Boyer, MGM 1944."
Laura: \I like your choice of lms, Mr. Steele."
Gaslight (73)
Steele: \|. Charles Boyer, Ingrid Bergman, MGM 1944."
The Gauntlet (36)
Steele: \|, Clint Eastwood, Sondra Locke, Warner Brothers 1977."
Laura: \Down kids, we're going to the movies."
The Godfather (53)
Steele: \|, Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, Paramount 1972."
Going in Style (81)
Steele: \|, George Burns, Art Carney, Lee Strasberg, Warner Brothers 1979."
233
Film Annotations
Goldnger (45)
Laura: \Not a bad move."
Steele: \|, Sean Connery, Gert Frobe, United Artists 1964."
Gone with the Wind (50)
Steele: \Frankly my dear I don't give a damn. Why did I say that?"
Laura: \Rhett Butler's last line to Scarlet O'Hara. Oh, I do hope this has something to do with |.
Now that's one movie I do know about, I've seen it a dozen times."
(Clark Cable, Viven Leigh, Olivia de Havilland, MGM 1939.)
Steele: \I keep hoping I'll wake up and I'll be watching |."
Laura: [holds up a videocassette] \|?"
Steele: \Merely to make sure that the machine is functioning properly."
(Throughout the episode, Steele tries to watch the movie on his VCR.)
The Great Escape (46)
Steele: \|, [cough] Steve McQueen, James Garner, [cough] United Artists 1963."
The Great Impostor (71)
Steele: \That guy is a bigger fraud than Tony Curtis in |."
(Raymond Massey, Karl Malden, United Artists 1961.)
Hamlet (82)
Steele: \|. Laurence Olivier, Jean Simmons, Jay Arthur, Rank 1948."
The Happy Hooker (88)
Laura: \So you're going to waltz down the aisle with |?"
Heaven's Gate (57)
Steele: \I keep hoping I'll wake up and I'll be watching `Gone With The Wind'. Or |."
(Kris Kristoerson, Isabelle Huppert, 1980)
Hide in Plain Sight (69)
Steele: `|."
Laura: \. . . We could be looking for anyone."
Mildred: \Yeah, but who?"
Steele: \James Caan, Jill Eikenberry."
Mildred: \Who?"
Steele: \United Artists 1979."
How to Murder Your Wife (63)
Steele: \|, Jack Lemmon, Vienna Lese, United Artists 1965."
The Hunchback of Notre Dame (32)
Roxie: \I feel like |."
(Charles Laughton, Cedric Hardwicke, RKO 1939. An excellent remake of the 1939 [Lon Chaney,
Universal] silent.)
In the Heat of the Night (39)
Steele: \|, Sidney Poitier, Rod Steiger, United Artists 1967."
(The movie is actually 1969.)
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (67)
Mildred: \|, Kevin McCarthy, Dana Wynter, Allied Artists 1956. Oh, how he loved that picture!"
234
Film Annotations
It Happened One Night (25)
Steele: \Shouldn't be too hard for a long-legged eld darter named Claudette."
Laura: \Claudette?"
Steele: \Claudette Colbert in |, uh, Clark Gable, Columbia 1934. I'll explain on the way."
It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (17)
Laura: \I've seen those palm trees before."
Steele: \Of course you have. It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad [sic] World, United Artists 1963.
Spencer Tracy and a cadre of comics."
It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (64)
Steele: \|."
Laura: \Profound observation, Mr. Steele."
Steele: \Spencer Tracy, Sid Caesar, United Artists 1963."
Jaws (55)
Steele: \Yes, well, I hate to tear you away from `Jaws 4', but. . . "
(Robert Shaw, Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss, Universal 1975. `Jaws 2': Roy Scheider, Lorraine
Gary, Universal 1978.)
Johnny Apollo (53)
Lloyd Nolan: \Don't forget |, darling."
Steele: \Oh, Tyrone Power, Edward Arnold, Twentieth Century Fox, 19 uh 40. I'm sorry, excuse
me."
(Lloyd Nolan, Dorothy Lamour.)
Key Largo (24)
Steele: \Did you happen to see |, Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, Warner Brothers 1948?"
Laura: \The last movie you took me to almost cost me my life."
Laura (17)
Steele: \Laura."
Laura: \Yes?"
Steele: \Laura."
Laura: \What!"
Steele: \Laura, Dana Andrews, Gene Tierney, Twentieth Century Fox 1944."
Laura (50)
Dr. Tulliver: \This is Miss Laura Holt."
Steele: \Ah, Laura, of course. Yes, Dana Andrews, Gene Tierney."
The List of Adrian Messenger (73)
Laura: \What have we stumbled into here?"
Steele: \|, George C. Scott, Kirk Douglas, Universal 1963."
Little Murders (54)
Steele: \Ah, |, Elliot Gould, Alan Arkin, Twentieth Century Fox eh 1971. A rampant sniper picks
people o at a New York high-rise building."
The Lost Weekend (37)
Steele: \I've seen that look before."
Laura: \What look?"
Steele: \Ray Milland had it in |."
235
Film Annotations
The Lost Weekend (65)
Laura: \We've gone through this whole case without your once coming up with a movie reference."
Steele: \Ah, here you go, I've got an appropriate one."
Laura: \Oh?"
Steele: \|, Ray Milland, Jane Wyman, Paramount 1945."
The Macomber Aair (78)
Mildred: \I loved that about the lion, Chief."
Steele: \Gregory Peck to Robert Preston, |, United Artists 1947."
The Major and the Minor (38)
Steele: \Hardly in keeping with the lighthearted spirit of the movie, is it? |, Ray Milland, Ginger
Rogers, Paramount 1942."
Laura: \Mr. Steele has a great fondness for equating motion pictures with real life."
The Maltese Falcon (12)
Laura: \Where were you?"
Steele: \In a scene right out of |. There I was, confronting the very incarnation of Casper Gutman.
I, of course, was Sam Spade, the slightly shady seamus. And, we were dinkering for the dinkus,
only he called it an item."
(Humphrey Bogart, Mary Astor, Peter Lorre, Sidney Greenstreet, Bridget O'Shaughnessy, Warner
Brothers 1941.)
Steele: \Package? Wrapped in newspaper? Laura, this is beginning to smack of |. Walter Huston
plays a sea captain, who, although riddled with bullets, manages to bring Bogart the falcon
wrapped in newspaper."
Ron: \I thought the Hapsburg Dagger was just a myth. Like |."
Steele: \You realize what we're doing, don't you, Laura? We're chasing a Maltese falcon."
Steele: \I get this image. This image of the character Peter Lorre played in |."
Mulch: \That's a clue!"
Mildred: \What's a clue?"
Mulch: \|, Humphrey Bogart, Mary Astor, um. . . you know, all those other guys."
Manhandled (53)
Steele: \I mean, take |, Dan Duryea, Sterling Hayden, uh Paramount 1949."
(Dorothy Lamour)
The Man Who Knew Too Much (37)
Steele: \|."
Donald: \Look, I'm willing to forget if he is."
Steele: \Jimmy Stewart, Doris Day, Paramount 1956."
Mirage (26)
Steele: \I've got it. |, Gregory Peck, Walter Matthau, Universal, uh 1965."
Frank: \I don't remember that one."
Steele: \I'm not surprised."
236
Film Annotations
Moby Dick (46)
Laura: \Do you really think people cared there were three versions of |?"
(A silent movie titled `The Sea Beast.' John Barrymore, Joan Bennett, Waner Brothers 1930. And
Gregory Peck, Richard Basehart, a John Huston production 1956.)
Moon Over Burma (53)
Steele: \You're kidding. Dorothy Lamour? The Road to Singapore? |? Typhoon?"
(Dorothy Lamour, Robert Preston, Paramount 1940.)
Murder Most Foul (12)
Grace Stanton: \He began saying all sorts of strange things."
Laura: \Such as?"
Grace Stanton: \|, Margaret Rutherford, MGM 1964. Do you know what any of this means, Miss
Holt?"
Laura: \Um, Mr. Steele often speaks in a code."
Murder on the Orient Express (14)
Steele: \Paramount 1974, a veritable cavalcade of stars. |."
Murphy: \I'm going to go get some more coee. Want some?"
Laura: \I'll come with you."
The Music Lovers (22)
Sherry: \Or the reservoir. Where Richard Chamberlain drank contaminated water in |."
(Richard Chamberlain, Glenda Jackson, United Artists 1970. An absurd fantasia on the life of
Tchaikovsky.)
My Fair Lady (32)
Steele: \[Pygmalion] Or for those who prefer the musical version, |."
(Rex Harrison, Audrey Hepburn, CBS 1964.)
Neptune's Daughter (38)
Steele: \|, Esther Williams, MGM 1949."
North by Northwest (3)
(A character is named `George Kaplan', Cary Grant's character. In search of Kaplan, Steele sets sail
for \two miles oshore, north by northwest.")
Laura: \How can you be so sure?"
Steele: \|, Cary Grant, Eva Marie Saint, directed by Alfred Hitchcock, MGM 1959."
Steele: \|, Cary Grant, James Mason, MGM 1959."
Laura: \I never saw it."
Steele: \Laura, sometimes you're very dicult to talk to."
Notorious (14)
Steele: \Good idea, wouldn't you say?"
Laura: \Hm. Very good."
Steele: \That's what I thought. Well, it had to be good. Claude Rains did it in |."
Notorious (24)
Steele: \|?"
Laura: \Well, it's true, Pepe's did have a bit of a reputation in those days."
Steele: \Cary Grant, Ingrid Bergman, RKO 1946."
Laura: \I must've missed that one."
Obsession (42)
Steele: \|, Cli Cli Cli Robertson, Genevieve Bujold, uh Columbia 1976."
237
Film Annotations
Ocean's Eleven (41)
Steele: \|, Frank Sinatra, Richard Conte and the Rat Pack, Warner Brothers um 1960."
Old Yeller (43)
Steele: \It sickens me to think that you and | are members of the same animal family."
(Dorothy McGuire, Fess Parker, Walt Disney 1957.)
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (10)
Steele: \Nurse Ratchet, we are private investigators."
Out of the Past (83)
Steele: \|, Robert Mitchum, Kirk Douglas, RKO 1947."
Pennies from Heaven (22)
Steele: \A trie more substantial than |."
Peyton Place (40)
Steele: \This town is a veritable |. Lana Turner, Lee Philips, Twentieth Century Fox 1957."
The Postman Always Rings Twice (53)
Lloyd Nolan: \Stay down, Steele. |."
(Lana Turner, John Gareld, MGM 1946.)
Pride of the Yankees (48)
Steele: \How about a double feature tonight to take our minds o the case."
Laura: \What's playing?"
Steele: \Fear Strikes Out and |."
(Gary Cooper, Teresa Wrigt, a Sam Goldwyn production 1942)
Psycho (11)
Phil Haver: \She doesn't need a motive. She's nuts. Didn't you ever see |?"
Psycho (63)
Laura: \|."
Steele: \I beg your pardon?"
Laura: \Anthony Perkins, Janet Leigh, Paramount 1960."
The Producers (59)
Steele: \Ah. |."
Laura: \Here we go again."
Steele: \Zero Mostel, Gene Wilder, Avco-Embassy 1968."
(Really, 1967.)
Pygmalion (32)
Steele: \|!"
Laura: \What?"
Roxie: \Who?"
Steele: \Leslie Howard, Wendy Hiller, MGM um 1938."
Rear Window (34)
Steele: \|."
Laura: \I know that was made into a movie."
Steele: \James Stewart, Grace Kelly, Paramount 1954."
(Steele spends most of the episode with his leg in a cast, and ends it with both legs in a cast, just like
Jimmy Stewart.)
Rear Window (80)
Steele: \Now I know how Jimmy Stewart felt in |."
238
Film Annotations
The Road to Singapore (53)
Steele: \You're kidding. Dorothy Lamour? |? Moon Over Burma? Typhoon?"
(Bing Crosby, Bob Hope, Dorothy Lamour, Paramount 1940.)
Robin Hood (26)
Laura: \Spellbound?"
Steele: \Or |."
(Douglas Fairbanks, Wallace Beery, 1922 [silent].)
Romancing the Stone (89)
Steele: \A veritable |."
Tony: \What?"
Steele: \Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, Twentieth Century Fox 1985."
Saint Louis Blues (53)
Dorothy Lamour: \Lloyd and I did uh |."
Steele: \William uh Frawley and Matty Melneck and his Orchestra, Paramount 1939, yes."
Sands of Iwo Jima (26)
Laura: \What are you doing?"
Steele: \|, John Wayne, Republic 1949."
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (53)
Steele: \You know, you still look as lovely as you did in |? Danny Kaye, RKO 19 uh. . ."
(Boris Karlo, Samuel Goldwyn 1947.)
Shanghai Cobra (75)
Steele: \Feets don't fail me now. Do you know who said that?"
Scabbard: \I can't say that I do."
Steele: \Charlie Chan's chaueur. |, Monogram 1945. I've always thought those words to live by."
The Shining (7)
Laura: \What am I supposed to make of this?"
Steele: \|?"
Laura: \What?"
Steele: \Did you see |?"
Laura: \Did anyone see |?"
Smokey and the Bandit (67)
Steele: \Have you driven one of these things before?"
Laura: \I've seen |."
Somewhere in the Night (53)
Steele: \I went to a revival house where they were showing |, but they lost the last reel. . . ."
(John Hodiak, Lloyd Nolan, Richard Conte, Twentieth Century Fox 1946.)
Spellbound (26)
Laura: \By the way, where did you get this stu on amnesia?"
Steele: \|?"
Laura: \Yes, I was, actually."
Steele: \Gregory Peck, Ingrid Bergman, Selsnik International, um 1945."
Laura: \Why do I ask?"
Splendor in the Grass (29)
Steele: \|, Warren Beatty, Natalie Wood, Warner Brothers 1961."
Stagecoach (36)
Steele: \When John Ford was directing |. . ."
(Claire Trevor, John Wayne, United Artists 1939.)
239
Film Annotations
A Star is Born (22)
Steele: \What about the beach? I mean, in |, Fredric March walks himself into the ocean."
(Janet Gaynor, Fredric March, Selznick 1937.)
The Sting (21)
(The entire episode is the Remington Steele version of the movie. Paul Newman, Robert Redford,
Universal 1973.)
The Sting (28)
Laura: \We're about to enact our version of one of Mr. Steele's favorite lms, |."
Sunset Boulevard (83)
Steele: \|."
Laura: \I thought he lived on Eastwood Drive."
Steele: \Gloria Swanson, William Holden, Paramount 1950."
(Curiously, Rebecca Holden appears in the same episode.)
The Taking of Pelham 123 (75)
Steele: \|."
Scabbard: \What?"
Steele: \Walter Matthau, Robert Shaw, United Artists, 1974."
Scabbard: \We're all going to die like dogs and he's talking about a movie?"
Tea and Sympathy (1)
Steele: \Years from now, when you talk of this, and you will, be kind. Deborah Kerr to John Kerr.
|, MGM 1958."
They Won't Believe Me (88)
Steele: \|."
Laura: \Who won't?"
Steele: \Robert Young, Susan Hayward, RKO 1947."
The Thin Man (2)
Laura: \I hope you know what you're doing."
Steele: \I know precisely what I'm doing. William Powell did exactly the same thing in |."
The Thin Man (56)
Steele: \|, William Powell, Myrna Loy, MGM 1934. Nick and Nora invite all the suspects to a
dinner party and then serve up the killer at the main course."
The Third Man (8)
Steele: \I'm afraid to admit it this far along, but I think we're in the wrong movie. [. . .]"
Laura: \What are you talking about!"
Steele: \|!"
The Third Man (16)
Steele: \|, London Films 1949. Orson Welles disappeared in the sewers of Vienna. . . "
The Third Man (47)
Steele: \|, Joseph Cotten, Orson Welles, London Films 1949."
The Third Man (76)
Laura: \Now all we need is |."
Steele: \Well, if it isn't Orson Welles, I can't be of any immediate help. |, Joseph Cotten. . . "
Laura: \I got it the rst time."
240
Film Annotations
The Thirty-Nine Steps (50)
Steele: \Pretty soon you'll want to make yourself comfortable and then do you Madeleine Carroll
routine. Yes, I'm looking forward to that."
Laura: \What Madeleine Carroll routine?"
Steele: \|? The Hitchcock movie? Even I remember that. I mean, Robert Donat, Madeleine
Carroll, on the run. . ."
(1935.)
Thirty Seconds over Tokyo (21)
Steele: \I'm watching a movie, um, |, heroic stu, makes me proud to be in your brave country."
(Spencer Tracy, Van Johnson, MGM 1944.)
Thirty-Six Hours (71)
Steele: \What's going on here, Laura?"
Laura: \|."
Steele: \James Garner, Rod Taylor, MGM 1964."
The Thomas Crown Aair (15)
Morrie: \How we gonna do that?"
Steele: \|, Steve McQueen, Faye Dunaway, United Artists 1968."
Three Days of the Condor (53)
Lloyd Nolan: \What were we talking about?"
Steele: \|."
Lloyd Nolan: \No, I wasn't in that."
(Robert Redford, Faye Dunaway, Cli Robertson, Paramount 1975.)
T-Men (62)
Steele: \|, Dennis O'Keefe, Albert Rider, Eagle/Lion 1948."
To Catch a Thief (15)
Laura: \John Roby?"
Steele: \|, Cary Grant, Grace Kelly, Paramount uh 1955."
To Catch a Thief (45)
Steele: \What are you talking about?"
Laura: \[furious] |, Cary Grant, Grace Kelly, Paramount 1955? Grant plays a retired catburglar
named John Roby."
Steele: \I'm impressed."
Laura: \You took me to see it three weeks ago!"
Tom Jones (29)
Laura: \This stu sounds more to me like |."
Steele: \|? Albert Finney never had to work this hard."
Laura: \Albert Finney never had to play the part with me."
(Albert Finney, Susannah York, United Artists 1963.)
Typhoon (53)
Steele: \You're kidding. Dorothy Lamour? The Road to Singapore? Moon Over Burma? |?"
(Dorothy Lamour, Robert Preston, Paramount 1940.)
The Uninvited (16)
Steele: \|, Ray Milland, Gail Russell, Paramount 1944."
Laura: \You're taking me to the movies again. . ."
Vertigo (42)
Steele: \If this were some normal case were were working on, I'd blithely come up with a string of
movies to explain it all, I mean, |, James Stewart, Kim Novak, eh Paramount 1958."
241
Film Annotations
Wait Until Dark (50)
Steele: \Well, we'll wait til dark. Audrey Hepburn, Alan Arkin, Warner Brothers 1967."
Laura: \Another clue?"
Steele: \I don't think so, it just popped into my head."
(The movie also starred Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.)
White Heat (53)
Steele: \And so we come to the triumph of |, in which Miss Mayo further displays her versatility
opposite James Cagney."
(James Cagney, Edmond O'Brien, Virginia Mayo, Warner Brothers 1949.)
Witness (72)
Steele: \|, Harrison Ford, Kelly McGuinness, Paramout 1985."
Witness for the Prosecution (9)
Laura: \Murphy, why would people put an elevator in their homes?"
Steele: \Charles Laughton, |. Had a stroke, couldn't walk up stairs."
Murphy: \He's good."
(Tyrone Power, Marlene Dietrich, United Artists 1957.)
The Wizard of Oz (52)
Laura: \I don't think we're in Kansas any more."
Steele: \|, Judy Garland, Ray Bolger, MGM [1939]."
The Yakuza (8)
Steele: \Aha! |!"
Laura: \|?"
Bernice: \Robert Mitchum, Brian Keith?"
Steele: \Exactly. Warner Brothers 1975. |. Japanese word for `gangster'. Ruthless code of honor."
Laura: \Where do you nd these lms?"
(later)
Steele: \It appears we're on the mark with |."
Murphy: \|?"
Steele: \Mm hm."
Laura: \Robert Mitchum, Brian Keith, all about the Japanese underworld."
Murphy: \Oh my God, he's got you doing it now?"
The Yellow Rolls-Royce (29)
Steele: \|."
Laura: \This is still an Auburn, no?"
Steele: \No. |, Rex Harrison, George C. Scott, Shirley Maclaine, Art Carney, Ingrid Bergman,
Omar Sharif, MGM 1965."
(1964, actually.)
? (23)
Laura: \Home, James!"
242

Remington Steele Episode Guide

Transcription

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