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AUTUMN 2015
keeping sangha connected
Self-Compassion
Learning to Turn Lovingkindness Inwards
Also in
this issue:
A Life Lesson from Behind
Prison Walls by Susan DiPietro
Notes from a NVC
Retreat by Mike Mappes
editor's notes
Mary Schaefer & David Watt
David Watt and I
had the good fortune
to meet with Dh. Nagabodhi, Aryaloka’s president, during his recent visit
and stay at Aryaloka. Nagabodhi was
enthusiastic about
what he said was the really important work
we are doing with the Vajra Bell in helping to nurture and support our sangha. We
considered that high praise coming from
Nagabodhi who edited the movement’s
major magazines - The FWBO Newsletter,
Golden Drum and Mitrata - for 23 years,
and ran Windhorse Publications for about
25 years.
We are pleased to have contributions
from Order members from across North
America. This issue on self-compassion
was particularly timely for me as my family lost my sister this summer to cancer. I
found comfort in the guidance and sug-
gested practices offered by Vimalasara, Bodhipaksa and Varada during this difficult
time.
Our network of correspondents support us from San Francisco, Seattle, Vancouver, New York, Montana and Maine.
Many thanks to them and all our contributors to this issue. Vajra Bell offers Dharma teachings and illustrates howAryaloka
is part of a global movement and Order. I,
personally, feel honored to be of service in
that mission.
You are invited to join us in this effort. We are looking at ways to expand
our reach and visibility. Most importantly, we are looking for help in the designing of what has been truly a work of art. If
you know of such talent or are interested,
please let us know at info@aryaloka.org.
And watch for changes in the issues ahead
as we continue to spread the Dharma and
look to connect with our brothers and sisters around the world.
~ Mary Schaefer
Aryaloka is a
beautiful place to
spend time at in any
season, and this past
summer was no exception. I spent the
Saturday of the Aryaloka Work Weekend (euphemistically
called “Bodhisattvas at Play”) outside moving dirt and wood chips and cutting back a
hydrangea bush which was somewhat the
worse for wear after being run over with a
snowplow. Since I lived in an apartment,
it was a pleasure rather than a chore to be
working outside.
The New Hampshire countryside can
be an incongruous mixture of farms, strip
malls, second-growth forests, trailer parks,
McMansions, historic houses and dragstrips, but nothing should be quite so incongruous as a stupa honoring the 13th reincarnation of a Tibetan lama adjacent to a
pair of geodesic domes. Yet as I stood there
raking and shoveling, it felt perfectly natural. It was almost as if the stupa had always
been there and that I was the latest in a long
line of attendants.
The places we practice are important
and hold a kind of practical magic for us.
Where we gather to practice and study,
transformation happens. I really enjoy read-
ing the brief reports from the other sanghas about their centers and activities. San
Francisco has, thanks to a prudent real estate investment and a religion-based tax exemption, managed to establish a durable
foothold that allows their sangha to flourish
in a city well into its fifth decade of gentrification. Though other urban sanghas often
need to change locations, the act of communal fellowship and practice imbues the places themselves with a measure of affection
and reverence. This issue includes reports
on retreats at beautiful locations in Montana and California, and – my favorite – the
story of a child’s naming ceremony at Nagaloka in Portland, Maine.
Supporting the sangha inside the New
Hampshire State Prison for Men in Concord, NH, has been important to Aryaloka
for years. We are fortunate to have a wonderful article from Susan Dipietro, a sangha member who recently began going to the
prison to provide support. She writes movingly about the men she has met inside,
their kindness towards one another, and
how the experience changes her.
The feature articles in this issue address an introspective aspect of our practice, self-compassion. Many of us, including myself, are drawn to the Dharma in part
from a desire to live a more ethically based,
continued on page 6
2
VAJ R A BE LL
vajrabell
www.aryaloka.org/category/vajra-bell
VAJRA BELL KULA
CO-EDITOR: Mary Schaefer
mbschaefer@comcast.net
CO-EDITOR: David Watt
david.watt.1956@gmail.com
ADMINISTRATION EDITOR: Dh. Vihanasari
vihanasari@comcast.net
ARTS EDITOR: Lois Sans
michaelandlois86@gmail.com
CONTRIBUTORS:
Dh. Satyada
satyada@stephensloan.com
Carolyn Gregsak
cgregsak@gmail.com
Peter Ingraham
ping@alumni.unh.edu
DESIGN: Dh. Rijupatha
eric@wintercrowstudio.com
SPIRITUAL VITALITY COUNCIL
Amala (Chair)
Vidhuma (Vice Chair)
Arjava
Dayalocana
Surakshita
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Arjava (Chair)
Barry Timmerman (Secretary)
Elizabeth Hellard (Treasurer)
Dayalocana
Akashavanda
Amala
Jean Corson
Tom Gaillard
Rijupatha
Aryaloka Buddhist Center
14 Heartwood Circle
Newmarket, NH 03857
603-659-5456
info@aryaloka.org · www.aryaloka.org
Find us on Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/Araloka
...or on the Aryaloka Facebook Group:
http://www.facebook.com/groups/aryalokasangha/
Connect at The Buddhist Centre Online:
http://thebuddhistcentre.com/aryaloka
AUT UM N 2015
from the spiritual vitality council
The Spiritual Vitality Council (SVC)
continues to meet
monthly. This spring
we met with the
Board of Directors
for our annual retreat, an opportunity for both groups to
share our perspectives of the Center. Together we took an aerial view of how we
are doing, focusing on the present with
an eye to the future. We took stock of our
strengths and anticipated difficulties.
The daylong retreat was an opportunity to review the results of the dramatic
changes to the Center’s administration initiated just over a year ago. We shared our
visions of the future and what efforts are
needed to ensure the well-being of Aryaloka as a spiritual community and as a beautiful, inspiring and safe place to teach and
practice the dharma. We discussed how to
encourage and nourish the development
of the teachers and leaders who will shape
Aryaloka’s future. We created several work
groups with particular tasks to keep our
efforts moving. Both the Board and the
Council will support each other in guiding
our community going forward.
The SVC reviewed the remaining 2015
events schedule, and started looking to
2016’s program possibilities. We are also
reviewing website revisions and overseeing
recommendations for teaching curricula. We usually review the various activities
and well-being of the component groups
of our community such as our men and
from the board of directors
The Aryaloka
Board of Directors
had a busy spring. Between the May Board
of Directors meeting
and the June Board/
Spirituality Vitality
Council retreat, lots
of issues have been
discussed and action plans initiated to address the complexities of sustaining our vital center. Balancing the practical aspects
of running the center with maintaining our
spiritual integrity and core Dharma values
is an ongoing endeavor.
Key issues addressed at the
May Board meeting included:
Fundraising: We had a compelling, informative and inspiring presentation by
Mary Ellen Burke, a sangha member who is
a professional fundraiser. She shared invaluable information on successful fundraising
strategies and gave us specific ideas for going forward.
Finances: Always a challenging board
topic. We are evaluating revenue sources
– what’s doing well and what has declined.
The past winter was tough on spending and
revenue due to cancellations and extra costs
Dh. Vidhuma
women mitras, “friends,” and newcomers. With respect to “friends,” we gave special attention to possible ways to more formally identify this important part of our
community. A work group was formed to
look at ways to differentiate “friends” from
“newcomers” in order to better serve the
particular needs of the former.
The SVC can do its best work when it
understands the heartbeat of our spiritual community. Your input is crucial to this
understanding. We welcome and encourage your thoughts, ideas and reactions.
You may contact any of us individually –
Amala (Chair), Dayalocana, Arjava, Surakshita and Vidhuma, or reach out to the
SVC through the Aryaloka office or website. v
Barry Timmerman
for heat, snow plowing and other maintenance associated with the seemingly endless snowfall. (It was hard to buy into impermanence this past winter.) Our talented
finance team will be re-forecasting the finances, keeping track of where we are and
what we need to do to keep our heads above
water.
Programming: July to December programming has been developed and approved. We discussed ways we can get more
information from folks who attend Aryaloka programs to help determine what’s working well and what needs improvement.
Energy Audit and Energy Conservation Plan: sangha member Gary Lowe
conducted an energy audit resulting in a
comprehensive plan to improve energy conservation and lower costs. The Board reviewed the plan and is determining the
costs versus the benefits of the recommendations.
Some recommendations are low-cost
and much less labor intensive to carry out.
Other actions need further evaluation. With
the Engaged Buddhism group looking at
“going green” at various Buddhist centers,
this is a good time to begin this process.
Some parts of the plan will be carried out in
the fall.
The Board and the Spiritual Vitality
Council (SVC) had a day-long retreat to explore common goals, further integrate our
shared vision for Aryaloka and deepen our
connections with one another.
Some of the topics addressed included:
• Communication between the Board
and SVC, communication between and
among the kulas and making sure that
everyone knows our executive director is the point of contact for all ideas
and issues
• Kulas and what they’re up to
• Succession planning and the need to
groom someone as a future Board chair
• Finances (again!)
• Outreach
• Fundraising, SalesForce and social media
• Open brainstorming session
The Board and SVC are committed to
maintaining and growing our ability to effectively offer the Dharma, expand our outreach to the community and look to our
younger Sangha members to carry us into
the future. Thanks to all who contribute to
the process, and a special thanks to Shrijnana and Vanessa for all the hard work they
are doing. v
The Aryaloka Council and Board minutes are posted on the bulletin board at the foot of the stairs.
AUTUMN 2 0 1 5
VAJ R A BE L L
3
sangha notes
ALL TOGETHER
IN THE BIG
APPLE
Sangha Night at
New York City
Triratna with
(from left)
Samayasri,
Vajramati,
Vidyamala,
Singhasri,
and Parami.
BOSTON SANGHA
(BOSTON, MA)
After a short hiatus, the Boston
Sangha is back. The sangha went dormant last summer, but Sunada experimented with ways to get things started
again in September 2014.
Sunada teaches Mindfulness-Based
Stress Reduction (MBSR) in Arlington, MA, and wondered if some of her
graduates might be interested in learning about the Dharma. She offered a
class on the Four Noble Truths and
Noble Eightfold Path for her graduates, and was pleased to have about a
dozen people sign up. Most of them
continue on to form the core of this
newly revived sangha. A few others
have joined as word spread.
We have studied the Five Precepts
and the Three Jewels and are reading Breath by Breath by Larry Rosenberg. This group of people is committed to meditation as a path of personal
growth and they wish to build a sense
of community among us.
The Boston Sangha meets Tuesday
evenings at the Theosophical Society
in Arlington MA. We would love anyone to come and visit us. Please let us
know if you’re in the area.
~ Dh. Sunada
4
VAJ R A BE LL
Shunyamala, Viradhamma and Ken Fineberg from the San Francisco Sangha enjoy the sun.
SAN FRANCISCO SANGHA
(SAN FRANCISCO, CA)
The Mission area is the place to be in
San Francisco. Everyone seems to want
to own a piece of the place and is willing
to pay dearly for it. The housing dynamics in the neighborhood are forcing longtime residents out. It’s really incredible
that the Buddhist Center has a place here.
We’re fortunate that the early San Francisco Sangha had the foresight to buy property just before the last boom. We have a
beautiful building where we can gather
and practice when staying housed is difficult for so many.
The opportunity is not wasted.
Wednesday Sangha Nights are well attended as is mitra study on Mondays. We’ve
been focusing on the transcendental principle at the latter. There are frequent urban
retreats on Saturdays. Thursday evening
drop-ins and First Friday Film Night continue. It’s best to check the calendar page
on our web site if you’re curious about
what’s being offered. Just think of us practicing here, like steady little candles burning through all the changes.
~ Mary Salome
AUT UM N 2015
sangha notes
LEFT PHOTO - Retreat participants include (left to right
standing) Karunakara, Zach Seligman, Tim Skufca, Tim
Lawhorn, Chris Barnes, Kay Jones, Amy Engkjer, Helena
Vlasto, Varada, and (left to right kneeling) Alison Laundrie, Danielle Lattuga, Marta Meengs and Carol Matthews.
RIGHT PHOTO - Camp Child
ROCKY MOUNTAIN SANGHA
(MISSOULA, MT)
The Rocky Mountain Sangha had a
wonderful retreat this spring at Camp
Child, led by Karunakara, in which we explored the Anapanasati practice. This was
a first retreat for several attendees as well
as Karunakara’s first experience leading
a retreat. He did a good job in taking us
through the practice. We were nourished by
the Dharma and fed luscious food by Varada.
Introduction to Meditation and Buddhism classes will resume this fall. Sthiradasa is facilitating a book study of Maitreyabandhu’s Life With Full Attention for
Wednesday sangha nights. That group continues to grow which is very exciting.
A recent quarterly All Sangha Night featured a recap of a pilgrimage tour to In-
dia with DharmaJiva. DharmaJiva’s goals
are to provide information about the Buddhist Renaissance and support Buddhist social activists and Dharma teachers in India.
Those of us who went on the pilgrimage in
2012 shared photos and stories. Our Tuesday foundation year and Thursday mitra
study groups meet weekly, and the women’s
GFR group meets every other week. We are
a truly blessed sangha to be able to support
each other on this path. ~ Kay Jones
based on the Satipattanas. Danakamala
and Suddhayu from the Portsmouth Buddhist Center accompanied him. Thanks to
Lona Kovacs for driving them up and participating in the program.
Celebrating an Addition
of a Smaller Kind
NAGALOKA SANGHA
(PORTLAND, ME)
The men’s group meets monthly on a
Sunday morning. Our Monday evening,
Thursday noontime and Sunday morning
meditations continue. Sarah Whiteridge, a
Nagaloka sangha member, offers a Thursday evening Restorative Yoga series. Check
our website www.naglokabuddhistcenter.
org for upcoming events.
Visits from Parami and Kamalashila
Nagaloka had the good fortune this
spring to have Parami visit to lead a special evening on the Six Emphases of Triratna. Parami is a long-standing, senior order
member who is a wise, humorous, devoted
and unique Dharmacharini from Scotland.
She is the International Order Convener
and lives at Adhisthana where she has a
close connection with Sangharakshita.
Kamalashila visited Nagaloka from the
UK in June, and led the sangha through a
mindfulness meditation followed by a talk
AUTUMN 2 0 1 5
~ Gail Yahwak and Dharmasuri
Nagaloka held an intimate celebration for the Eikelboom family in June
when Dharmasuri led the naming ceremony for 5-month-old Edith Fae. Dharmacontinued on page 6
VAJ R A BE L L
5
PORTSMOUTH SANGHA
(PORTSMOUTH, NH)
The Portsmouth Buddhist Center sangha is growing slowly but surely, increasing
in numbers as well as in depth of practice.
The Wednesday night sangha class has
studied the Noble Eightfold Path. In conjunction with the beginning of BAM (Buddhist Action Month) and the Young Buddhists’ world-wide campaign, Candradasa
and Rijupatha led a weekend retreat for
the regional young sangha members. Retreatants staged a Flash Mob meditation
in Market Square in downtown Portsmouth. Many local people were drawn to
the group, and some joined them in meditation. Plans are to try this again on future
Saturday afternoons.
We had two visits this spring from senior Order members from the UK. Parami, a Scotswoman and Public Preceptor
for women as well as one of two international Order convenors, gave a talk on the
“Six Emphases of Triratna” which included a lot of interesting history. Our second
visitor, Kamalashila, one of the most experienced meditation teachers in Triratna,
continued with the BAM theme and gave
a talk on “Nature and Mindfulness in Action.” The sangha appreciated the opportunity to experience the Order’s international flavor. Thanks to those from Aryaloka
who attended.
Other classes are going well. Sunday
meditation (10-11 a.m.) continues weekly,
followed periodically by a themed workshop or a monthly sutra study. We continue to offer introductory classes on meditation. ~ Dh. Viryagita
nagaloka sangha
Continued from Page 5
suri explained the meaning of the ceremony. Edith, she said, was being welcomed
into the community which dedicated their
guidance and protection to her. We began
by chanting the Refuges and Precepts followed by readings from both the mother
(myself) and Dharmasuri. The ceremony
was completed with the entire sangha tying themselves to Edith with a white string
to symbolize their commitment to her.
Dharmasuri chose the name Lochana for
her, which mean “the one with the eye” or
“the clear-visioned one.” Lochana is associated with pure vision; she is the consort
of Akshobhya.
~ Ashlee Eikelboom, mitra
6
VAJ R A BE LL
Thank you for your ongoing
contributions to the food pantry
By Vihanasari
Many thanks to those who continue to generously provide food and personal care items for the box in the Aryaloka entryway that go to the Newmarket
Food Pantry. Our friends and neighbors
in need in the wider community are most
grateful for Aryaloka’s support.
Do you ever wonder who benefits
from what is collected? During the past
year the food pantry helped to feed 55 to
80 people each week, including 30 to 35
families. The largest group of patrons are
aged 19-59. The second largest group includes 1- to 18-year-olds. The smallest
group are patrons over 60.
If you contribute to the food pantry box – even occasionally – nutritious,
non-perishable food is needed most, especially protein items, canned vegetables and fruit. Cooking ingredients such
as flour and sugar are also appreciated.
editor’s note
compassionate and mindful life. We cultivate meditation practices, study, go on
retreat and begin doing the things that aspiring bodhisattvas do. At the same time,
we bring our past with us. We bring along
old emotional wounds. We bring along regret and even shame over past unskillful
actions, missed opportunities and unrealized intentions. Unfortunately, our past
conditioning often triggers us to react unskillfully in our lives today.
Bodhipaksa, Varada, and Vimalasara
all point out that self-compassion is needed to calm our reactivity and allow for our
practice to flourish. As Varada says, “Selfcompassion is indispensable to a sound
Buddhist practice. It is a bridge to both
insight and the development of true compassion toward others.”
Each author approaches the subject
from a different direction. Varada leads
us through an exploration of self-compassion in the context of no-self. For her, the
first act of self-compassion is releasing the
idea that we have a fixed self that requires
constant nourishment and support. Examining our attachments to this fixed self
allows us to see how suffering arises with-
Coffee and powdered milk are welcome,
too, along with personal care items such
as soap, shampoo, toilet tissue, shaving
cream, feminine products, toothpaste and
deodorant.
The food pantry now has a refrigerator, so fresh and frozen food also can be
donated and are always in high demand.
Since these items can’t be left in the collection box at the center, you are welcome to drop them off between 10 a.m.
and noon on Friday or Saturday at the
food pantry, located in the lower level of
the downtown Newmarket Community
Church on Water Street. Look for the colorful “open” flag; parking is available on
the street or in the small lot next to the
water.
The Newmarket Food Pantry depends on donations from the public. Often, shelves may be well-stocked Friday
mornings but are nearly empty by noon
Saturday. Thanks again to all who donate!
in us and, by extension, within others.
Vimalasara’s piece is partly a compelling personal narrative of developing selfmetta in the process of healing traumatic memories, and forgiving the difficult
people in her life. She stresses the importance of consciously applying the stages
of the metta bhavana to our past, our personalities and even our bodies. She also
describes in detail how, for a period of
time, she devoted her meditation entirely to self-compassion and urges us to do
the same.
Bodhipaksa’s essay is about process –
how do we show compassion toward ourselves in our moments of pain and discomfort? It describes a process of learning
to give our pain compassionate attention
and to responding skillfully. Although the
article presents as a kind of instruction
manual (“Self-compassion is the Swiss
Army knife of spiritual techniques!”), it
is a subtle essay on how we perceive pain
and react to it with compassion.
I am grateful as always to Mary
Schaefer, my co-editor; to our sangha reporters Gail Yahwak, Bettye Pruitt, Kay
Jones, Viryagita, Mary Salome and Peter
Ingraham; to Vihanasari for the copy editing; and to Rijupatha for designing and
producing the issue. ~ David Watt
AUT UM N 2015
A Life Lesson from Behind Prison Walls
By Susan DiPietro
Eight men entered the small, sparse
room and sat in chairs placed in a circle
around the perimeter. Khemavassika rang
the bell and meditation began. This was a
routine Saturday morning for the men, but
for me it was far from routine. We were
buzzed through a series of locked metal
doors, each closing loudly behind us. We
passed through a metal detector, turned
over our driver’s licenses and car keys, and
received visitor badges before arriving at
our destination. This was the New Hampshire State Prison for Men in Concord, and
I had joined Khemavassika for a Saturday
morning meditation session.
A previous issue of the Vajra Bell had
included an article by Khemavassika about
the Concord sangha and an article by Dan,
a mitra at the Concord prison. Both encouraged readers to visit the Concord
sangha for one of their retreats, Dharma/
mitra study or meditation sessions. Dan’s
letter encouraged readers to meet them,
talk with them, sit with them in practice,
and realize an opportunity to see prejudice
fade away.
Visiting prison certainly gives reason
for pause, but my hesitation was more that
I did not have much to offer in the way of
Dharma knowledge or meditation experience. My own journey studying Buddhism
and practicing meditation had just begun
AUTUMN 2 0 1 5
a few months earlier. Several of the men
already were mitras, and most had been
meditating much longer than I had. But
Satyada and Khemavassika were both encouraging. Having been volunteers at Concord and Berlin prisons for about 10 years,
they knew that the men appreciate visitors
and welcome others to join them without
concern for experience level.
The process to become a volunteer at
any of the New Hampshire state prisons
includes a simple application, background
check and a three-hour orientation training session held in one of the state office
buildings. There are more than 700 volunteers in the NH state prison system representing a variety of religious groups,
Native American spiritual practices, addiction support groups and general activities such as art and yoga. The training is
required once every three years, and covers
an overview of the NH prison system and
population statistics, rules and regulations
and basic safety precautions.
I’ve been to Concord many times since
that first visit, and it is an incredible experience every time. The men are truly grateful for visitors, and the two hours with
them on Saturday mornings is always time
well spent. The mornings start with greetings and meditation, followed by tea and
conversation. Some weeks they share their
experiences and talk about what is happening in their lives. At other times they
discuss their meditation practice and how
they overcome barriers such as noise and
disruptions. Other weeks they discuss the
Dharma, a book they are reading or questions they want to share with the group.
They support and encourage each other
and share books and magazines, suggestions for improving their meditation practice and information about courses they
are taking. Occasionally someone will join
the group for the first time, interested in
learning about meditation without knowledge of Buddhism. The men are careful to direct the discussion to meditation.
They are aware that it is an open meditation group, and are sensitive to the inexperience of the newcomers. They want everyone to feel welcome.
For those who do not have an interest
in or the ability to travel to one of the prisons, there are opportunities to volunteer
in other ways. One such volunteer shared
his story with me. James was released from
Concord a few months ago, and needed a ride to the bus station to return to his
home state in the West. Doug volunteered
to take James to the bus station, and as his
bus was not scheduled until late that evening, the two men spent the day together. They went to the beach and James put
his feet in the Atlantic Ocean for the first
time. Doug watched as James enjoyed the
warmth of the sand beneath his feet, and
continued on page 22
VAJ R A BE L L
7
buddhaworks
Aryaloka Bookstore Features Several New Items - by Shantikirika
We have one-of-a-kind meditation
benches made by sangha member Paul
Dupre available! Paul is a skilled woodworker, so check his beautiful benches out
the next time you are in the bookstore.
Other items include two new singing
bowls with a lovely tone, a Vajra and Bell
set, mantra rings (both an adjustable ring
and a “spinning” ring which is sized), wrist
and neck malas, OM meditation shawls in
several colors and numerous Buddha rupas. Our current book selection includes:
Everything Arises, Everything Falls
Away, Teachings on Impermanence
and the End of Suffering
by Ajahn Chan
Jack Kornfield in his review wrote,
“Full of the simple, earthy, honest, wise
heart of a true Buddhist master.”
Food for the Heart, The Collected
Teachings of Ajahn Chah
by Ajahn Chan
The Moon Appears When
the Water is Still
and
Children of Silence and Slow Time
by Ian McCrorie
These poetry books reflect on the
Dharma and are published by the Pariyatti Press.
Being Dharma, The Essence of the
Buddhas’s Teaching
by Ajahn Chan
Sylvia Boorstein in her review wrote,
“As I read this book I imagined myself in
Thailand hearing and experiencing Ajahn
Chah’s compassionate wisdom firsthand.
How wonderful to have this translation
available to contemporary seekers.”
Larry Rosenberg writes, “This rich collection is a real treasure. Profound, direct, earthy, and often funny. Food for the
Heart will be especially precious for practitioners of Vipassana meditation in all Buddhist lineages.”
The Buddhist Vision,
a Path to Fulfilment
by Subhuti
Written by Subhuti and published by
Windhorse Publications. An unknown reviewer writes, “Informed by more than 25
years of Buddhist practice, Subhuti’s clarity and understanding will be welcomed by
both newcomers to Buddhism and those
with more experience. His inspiring call
challenges us to follow the Buddhist path
with all our heart.”
Living Beautifully with
Uncertainty and Change
by Pema Chodron
A review in “Publishers Weekly” says,
“Chodron’s strength is her ability to communicate to a general audience that people are essentially good, that they can be
free from fear, and that they can always try
again when they fail.”
Fundamental Wisdom
of the Middle Way
Published by Monkfish
With translation by Gudo Wafu Nishjima with commentary by Gudo Nishjima
and Brad Warner. An unknown reviewer
writes, “The first truly readable and useful
translation of the Venerable Buddhist classic by Master Nargarjuna with an extra ordinary commentary that brings the Trust
of the Middle Way into the 21st century.”
A Still Forest Pool, The InsightMeditation of Achaan Chah
Jack Kornfield and Paul Breiter
Stephen Levine writes, “The simple
powerful teachings which Achaan Chah
expressed so well has profoundly affected
our practice and our way of working with
others.”
Buddhaworks
The Aryaloka Bookstore
* Books by Sangharakshita
* DVDs from Pema Chodron
and Lama Surya Das
* Meditation Journals
* CDs from Thich Nhat Hanh
* Singing Bowls
* Brass Door Chimes from
Nepal and India
* Malas and Jewelry
* Lots and Lots of Great Books!
Your support brightens Aryaloka’s future.
Buddhaworks is located at the Aryaloka Buddhist Center
8
VAJ R A BE LL
AUT UM N 2015
Compassionate Presence Retreat
Practicing Nonviolent Communication (A Retreat Review)
By Mike Mappes
On a warm spring weekend, a group of
us gathered at Aryaloka to attend a “compassionate presence” retreat led by Shantigarbha who had travelled from his home
in Bristol, England to share his expertise.
The title Compassionate Presence captures the spiritual essence
of Nonviolent Communication (NVS) developed by
Marshall Rosenberg in the
1960s. NVC promotes the
exchange of information in
support of a peaceful resolution of differences.
We gathered in the cozy
space outside the kitchen to meet our fellow retreatants. A resounding
“ahhhh” could be heard as
we let go of the stressors of
the outside world. Shantigarbha and his co-facilitator, Gesine, greeted us with
welcoming smiles. We exchanged introductions, and
joyful chatter ensued.
We started by sharing our experience and expectations. Shantigarbha discussed compassionate presence, focusing
on the word “presence” and asking, “What
does it mean to be present?” He suggested we conjure the feeling of being present with the Buddha when we entered the
shrine room. Whether that meant we felt
the Buddha’s presence with us, or placed
ourselves in the Buddha’s presence in some
other time and space was up to our imagination.
As my meditation began, the prospect
of being in the Buddha’s presence uplifted me. I identified with his followers who
were so attracted to all his positive characteristics. I sat with this for some time. This
progressed into a feeling of reverence, centered on the cause of suffering, its pervasiveness within mankind, and the Buddha’s
ambition to help people acquire the skills
necessary for its elimination. I felt a personal responsibility for sharing the concepts with others in my daily circles – a
pay it forward approach. When the ball
AUTUMN 2 0 1 5
rang, it seemed as if time had collapsed.
The next morning, we began with some
light stretching to get the blood flowing
and to focus our minds. Shantigarbha introduced the NVC material by having us
act out patterns of communication with a
partner. We reviewed the three patterns of
Fight, Flight, and Freeze (FFF), the natu-
ral stress responses to conflict. We learned
that we could disable these responses.
First, we re-enacted the Fight response.
We recalled a comment from someone
that had agitated us and shared it with our
partner. The partner walked toward us,
hands raised to shoulder height, palms facing forward, reciting the sentence as they
approached. Hearing the words triggered
the same emotions as when the words
were first spoken. In the fight communication, the aggressors would approach, reciting the sentence. The receivers would raise
their arms, push back and counter with
judgement and criticism of the agressor.
After the demonstration, we talked
about how this made each of us feel. Not a
lot of room for listening seemed to be the
common thread. We then paired off and
switched places.
We then cycled through the other two
patterns, Flight and Freeze. Flight involved
the receiver turning away from the aggressor and taking complete ownership of
whatever judgements were issued. Freeze
involved complete paralysis and the inability to respond. Witnessing these demonstrations made the class uncomfortable. We broke for lunch pondering times
when we were caught up in these type of
responses and were eager for a better approach.
After lunch, Shantigarbha introduced
us to the NVC Tree of
Compassionate Connection, an adaptation of the
NVC Tree of Life. The tree
trunk and roots represent self-empathy, a critical
foundation for supporting
compassionate communication. Self-empathy is a
connection to what is alive
in our hearts, providing
room for recognizing how
we feel during a difficult exchange. Having this inner
stability enables us to support empathy and self-expression which are the two
limbs of the tree. They illustrate the importance of understanding what is important to our communication partner as well
as ourselves. The limbs work in concert
with the trunk to form the basis for a truly
compassionate connection.
Shantigarbha and Gesine acted out alternative responses using the limbs of the
tree to create a process of communicating
in difficult situations. This process includes
a lengthy time of simply listening to the
aggressor during their initial approach followed by a side step to face the aggressor
during final approach steps, and a pause
for a check-in with self. At this point the
receiver takes the arm of the aggressor and
walks with them as they further voice their
issue. After determining that the aggressor
has been heard, the receiver restates the
needs of the aggressor to acknowledge that
they listened and to ensure proper interpretation. The receiver makes suggestions
for resolution of the issue and expresses his
or her own needs.
This exchange felt incredibly rewarding
when we acted it out in pairs. Faced first
VAJ R A BE L L
9
Upcoming Retreats:
Gateways to Buddha Realms:
A Mandala Retreat
October 11-16
Led by Amala
Beautiful and intricate, mandalas aren’t just
lovely pictures–they are
a kind of map we can
use to enter the Buddha realms. On this retreat we will experience a mandala of practices and approaches to enter the Buddha
realms. Practices will include meditation,
exploration of teachings, devotion and ritual connected with the mandala. We will
enjoy this largely in a container of silence
and contemplation.
Intensive Noble Silence Retreat
November 4-10
Led by Bodhana, Karunsara & Lilasiddhi
This intensive retreat
creates an atmosphere
conducive to extended
meditation with the fewest external distractions.
Retreat participants will
have no responsibilities during their time
here so they can focus completely on their
meditation practice. An emphasis on the
collective aspect of practice using the five
precepts is woven into the fabric of this retreat.
Wisdom of the Body
Meditation Retreat
November 13-15
Led by Sunada
It is said that if we create auspicious
conditions in our body and environment,
10 VAJ R A BE LL
meditation and realization will automatically
arise. So on this retreat
we will practice embodied awareness as a doorway to deepening our
practice. We will learn principles of posture that set the stage for openness and receptivity. We will explore different approaches to cultivating mindfulness and
metta through the gateway of sensory experience.
International Urban Retreat
November 21-28
The annual International Urban Retreat
will be happening at
Triratna Centers across
the world, and online at
thebuddhistcentre.com.
It will include content suitable for anyone
involved in Triratna and any Order members who want to take part. While the entire retreat can be worked on from home,
we will be offering an introduction and
several practice and discussion sessions at
Aryaloka throughout the week.
After the First Bite: Professional
Mindful Eating Training
November 29 - December 6
Led by Megrette Fletcher and Amala
This seven-day, supervised training is for
any healthcare or social service professional who would like to receive additional training
in mindful eating. The training offers over
100 hours of supported education to guide
professionals to effectively teach mindful
eating. Participants need to have previously attended a Mindful Eating weekend retreat.
Mindful Eating Retreat:
After the First Bite
December 4-6
Led by Megrette Fletcher and Amala
This weekend retreat will discuss three
common obstacles to mindfulness and
mindful eating and three helpful tools to
overcome them. The retreat is open to anyone interested in cultivating mindfulness
in daily life, or mindfulness around food
and eating in particular. Some prior experience of mindfulness meditation is helpful
but not necessary for participation.
Winter Meditation Retreat
December 26-31
Led by Sravaniya
As we enter the
depths of winter we will
use the opportunity of
this end-of-year retreat
to do two things: we will
simply enjoy days of
shared stillness, deep silence and meditation, and we will quietly reap the benefits
that these activities will inevitably bring.
To learn more about these
retreats and to register,
visit www.aryaloka.org
AUT UM N 2015
Workshops & Series:
Introduction to Meditation
Workshop - Metta Bhavana
October 10, 9am - 1pm
Led by Lilasiddhi
This workshop is
an intensive introduction to the Metta Bhavana (Loving-kindness)
meditation practice. Basic methods of setting
up our meditation and the traditional Buddhist meditation form will taught.
Introduction to Buddhism Workshop
Led by Vihanasari
In this half-day
workshop we will explore several fundamental teachings of the Buddhist tradition. We’ll
cover such topics as
Who was the Buddha? What is the goal
of Buddhism? How does one practice as a
Buddhist? Teachings such as the Four Noble Truths will be explored in the framework of the Threefold Path: Ethics, Meditation, Wisdom. We will emphasize those
teachings that can be put into practice and
that relate to our daily lives.
Meditation Tune-up Workshop:
Developing a Meditation Toolkit
Led by Bodhana
Join senior meditation teacher Bodhana to
learn specific techniques
to deepen your meditation practice. TopAUTUMN 2 0 1 5
ics covered will be how to move beyond
common obstacles in meditation - such as
sluggishness and restlessness, and how to
recognize and cultivate the qualities of a
concentrated mind.
Introduction to Meditation and
Buddhism Six-Week Series
Wednesdays, November 11
to December 16, 7pm - 9pm
Led by Rijupatha
On these six
Wednesday evenings
we will learn traditional Buddhist meditations
and also explore basic
Buddhist teachings.
The three basic meditation forms
taught will include the Mindfulness of
Breathing, the Metta Bhavana or development of loving-kindness meditation, and
walking meditation.
Buddhist teachings we’ll explore will
include the five ethical precepts, the principle of conditionality or interconnectedness, and the Four Noble Truths.
Ancient Wisdom Study Day:
Revering the Buddha
December 12, 9am - 1pm
Led by Surakshita
On this study day we
will investigate the Hemavata, Purabheda and
the Parayana Thuti Gatha
suttas of the Sutta Nipata
through short talks, discussion, and question and answer sessions.
By studying these suttas we will move to a
greater understanding and appreciation of
the Buddha and his teachings.
Moving Into the Dhyanas
Led by Lilasiddhi
The Dhyanas – concentrated states of mind
characterized by calm,
presence, and joy – are
attainable by everyone.
This workshop will explore these refined mental states and provide tools to help us experience them more
readily during meditation.
Exploring Presence: Yoga &
Meditation Day-Long Workshop
Led by Molly Schlangen & Satyada
As a new season begins, explore ways to integrate your mind and
body using yoga and
meditation. This oneday event will help you
prepare for the holidays by building calm
both within and without. Gentle yoga and
mindfulness meditation will be provided at
a level appropriate for all participants.
To learn more about these
workshops and series
and to register, visit
www.aryaloka.org
VAJ R A BE L L 11
Three Perspectives on
Self-Compassion
Bodhipaksa, Vimalasara, and Varada share their thoughts
on the practice of turning kindness and love inwards
12 VAJ R A BE LL
AUT UM N 2015
Lovingkindness
Squared
Cultivating Self-Compassion
S
By Dh. Bodhipaksa
elf-compassion is the most radically transformative practice I’ve stumbled upon
in more than 30 years of exploring Buddhism. It’s helped me cope with many
difficulties, ranging from the mundane challenge of a child’s tantrum to dealing
with financial problems and even serious illness. It’s helped me become kinder and
more compassionate not just to myself but also to others. I know of no practice that’s
changed me as much. I describe self-compassion as “loving-kindness squared.”
Self-compassion is treating yourself
kindly, responding to your own pain with
compassion in the same way you’d respond
to the pain of someone you care about.
“Self-compassion” is a bit of a misnomer;
we give compassion not to ourselves as a
whole, but to any part of us that’s suffering.
I’ve outlined five steps to cultivate selfcompassion.
1. Drop the story
The mind generates stories around our
suffering. These stories may blame others,
or say that the discomfort we’re experiencing is unbearable or shouldn’t be happening. They may be stories of revenge or stories that we are bad, worthless, or doomed
to suffer. They may be stories about how to
numb or escape the pain.
These stories themselves cause further
pain. As we notice them arising, it’s wise to
disentangle ourselves from them and just
let the words echo away into the mind.
Our stories are what the Buddha called,
in a famous analogy, “the second arrow.”
He said we’re all subject to discomfort and
pain, whether it’s having our feelings hurt,
having a toothache or experiencing loss.
This is the “first arrow” which arrives unexpectedly. This kind of suffering is ineviAUTUMN 2 0 1 5
table. The Buddha taught that our response
to being hit by this arrow is often to indulge in the kinds of thoughts mentioned
above. He described these as “sorrow, grief,
and lamentation.” I call them our “stories.”
It’s these responses—our second arrows—
that cause most of our suffering. Each
thought such as, “This is terrible!” or “Why
is this happening to me?!” is a self-inflicted
stab with the second arrow.
It takes a lot of practice to become
mindful enough to stop these stories from
arising, or even to catch them in the early
stages. For a long time we may only be able
to catch ourselves once we’re in the middle
of reacting, having already created a fullblown inner (or outer) drama. As soon as
we spot what’s going on, we should recognize the unhelpfulness of our reactions, let
go of the story, and come back to our present-moment experience.
2. Recognize that pain is present
To practice self-compassion we have to
notice that we’re in pain. This may not be
easy. We can have unhelpful habits such
as taking our own suffering for granted
and denying our pain—seeing it as a sign
of weakness or failing to notice it because
pain is so common in our lives. We also
may be so quick to jump to emotional reactions and stories—attempts to protect
ourselves against suffering—that we don’t
even acknowledge the suffering.
Whenever our feelings are hurt or we’re
frustrated, angry, lonely, anxious, or longing, we’re suffering. Every suboptimal state
we experience is suffering. We can’t practice self-compassion unless we learn to
recognize our pain.
For example, a friend says something
that hurts our feelings. First, we hear the
words and interpret them as an insult,
whether or not they were intended that
way. The brain then flags the comment as
something potentially harmful by creating a sensation of pain in the body, probably in the solar plexus. This is the mind’s
way of saying, “Here’s a threat! Pay attention to it!”
Another common place for painful feelings to arise is around the heart.
The heart and intestinal systems are areas of the body rich in nerve clusters. The
brain generates sensations in those places
to catch our attention and provoke us into
action. Sometimes hurt feelings can be so
strong it feels as if we’ve been punched in
the gut. No wonder we react strongly.
VAJ R A BE L L 13
lovingkindness squared
One fascinating recent finding is that
feelings such as the ache of isolation become less intense when we take painkillers
such as Tylenol. What we view as “emotional” pain is just a special form of physical pain, induced in the body by the mind.
These kinds of internal sensations are
what Buddhism calls vedanas. Vedana is
a technical term referring to the pleasant,
unpleasant, or neutral sensations that accompany every perception we have.
The mental processing that leads to
the arising of these feelings takes place in
parts of the brain that aren’t accessible to
conscious awareness. We can’t, for example, choose not to be hurt. We do, however, have some ability to choose how to respond to the perception of hurt.
3. Turn Toward the Pain
We can choose to respond to pain with
acceptance. In practicing self-compassion,
we can learn to accept our pain by allowing it just to be there, without having aversion toward it. To respond skillfully to suffering we have to learn to turn toward it.
Taking a mindful approach to our pain
means recognizing that it’s OK to experience suffering and even to take an interest
in it. It’s especially helpful to notice, as precisely as we can, where our pain is located
in the body, and to observe its size and texture and how it changes from moment to
moment.
Accepting our pain in this way means
that we’re no longer stabbing ourselves
with the second arrow—no longer creating stories that intensify and prolong our
suffering. Instead, we’re simply mindful of
the first arrow. If we find that reactive stories start to creep in again, we keep letting
go of them, just as we do when we’re meditating.
The Buddha taught that another way
we turn away from pain is to pursue pleasure. We often do this by numbing ourselves with food, alcohol, busyness or television. We may not actually get much
pleasure from these activities; it’s the pursuit of pleasure that’s the distraction. As
long as we’re leaning into the future, seeking pleasure, we’re no longer being with
the pain of the present moment. Just as we
need to drop our stories, we need to drop
our avoidance. The most effective way to
deal with discomfort is to turn toward it.
This can be difficult. In evolutionary
14 VAJ R A BE LL
terms, pain evolved as a protective mechanism. Pain alerts us to the fact that something is wrong, so that we can escape the
painful situation. The way I think about
turning toward our pain is this: imagine
that a friend has turned up on your doorstep in distress. What do you do? Hopefully, you don’t respond with aversion, trying
to get rid of the discomfort by slamming
the door and retreating indoors. Ideally,
you’d invite your friend in, sit them down,
and take a kindly and compassionate interest in what’s going on with them.
Sometimes it can be useful to say, “It’s
okay to feel this. Let me feel this,” just to
remind ourselves to stay with our discomfort.
Being mindful of our feelings in this
way creates what we call “the gap.” This is a
pause—I think of it as a sacred pause—in
which we can choose not to let our normal
reactions kick in. Instead, we create an opportunity for compassion to arise.
4. Give Your Pain
Compassionate Attention
Having mindfully accepted a painful feeling, the next stage is to give it your
compassionate attention, treating your
pain with the same gentleness and kindness with which you would treat a friend
who is suffering. Sometimes I think of my
pain as a wounded part of me that is in
need of love and comfort—like a small,
wounded animal.
Wish your pain well. Talk to it. Soothe
it. You can use the same phrases you use in
loving kindness or compassion meditation,
saying things like, “May you be well, may
you be happy, may you be free from suffering.” Sometimes those words can seem
hackneyed; I’m more likely to say something like, “I know you’re in pain, but I’m
here for you,” or “I love you, and I want
you to be happy.” With intense suffering,
I’ll sometimes resort to the deep trust expressed by St. Julian of Norwich: “All will
be well, and all will be well, and all manner
of thing will be well.”
5. Respond Appropriately
As you become more skilled at recognizing and accepting your pain, and with
responding to it compassionately, you’ll
find it easier to respond in an appropriate
way to situations that give rise to pain in
the first place.
There are no rules for how to respond.
It depends on the situation, your skills in
communication, etc. When you’re mindful of your pain and cultivate compassion
toward it, you’ll discover more creativity at
your disposal than you’d imagine possible.
You’ll almost certainly find that having responded with empathy and compassion toward yourself, you’ll spontaneously behave
the same way toward others.
These five steps can be worked through
very quickly. I’ve run through them while
driving at 65 miles per hour on a highway: Someone cuts me off. I start up with
an angry storyline: “Idiot! How dare you!”
I realize that this is causing me to suffer. I
drop the story, notice the pain (it’s usually fear, located in the solar plexus), accept
it, and then send it some compassionate
thoughts (“May you be well, may you be
free from suffering.”). Once I’ve done that,
the anger vanishes, and I find that I’m not
only compassionate toward myself, but to
the other driver as well. This may take just
a few seconds.
I’ve also found this process to be useful
when I’m stressed. For example, while I’m
cooking and being bombarded with demands from my children, I’ll notice a knot
of tension building up in my gut. I give it
a moment’s compassionate attention, and
find that the desire to snap at the kids is
gone. It works for sadness, depression, and
anxiety. Self-compassion is the Swiss Army
knife of spiritual techniques!
I’d like to dispel the myth that if you’re
reacting to a situation, it’s too late to find
the gap. The pain of the first arrow doesn’t
disappear just because you’ve started reacting to it! Every time you let go of your stories and drop your awareness down into
the body so that you can notice your initial
feelings such as hurt or fear, you are bringing the gap into being, and with it, the
freedom to respond creatively.
It’s only through treating my pain compassionately that I’ve realized the extent to
which the way we treat ourselves is related to the way we treat others. Once we are
able to respond to our own pain with compassion, we find that compassion for others flows freely. Self-compassion is lovingkindness squared. v
Bodhipaksa has been practicing Buddhism since 1982, and joined the Triratna
Buddhist Order in 1993. He is the author of
more than a dozen books and audiobooks
on meditation and Buddhism. He promotes
meditation on his website, Wildmind (www.
wildmind.org).
AUT UM N 2015
Metta: A Gateway to
Self-Compassion and Insight
By Dh. Vimalasara
I
f we learn
compassion,
then we have
mastered selfcompassion. But what
is compassion?
It has been said
that when a heart
filled with loving
kindness meets suffering, compassion is
in action. Compassion is the byproduct of
cultivating metta, loving kindness. When
we practice metta, we radiate loving kindness toward ourselves, a friend, a neutral
person, an enemy of the mind, and then, to
all sentient beings and our environment.
AUTUMN 2 0 1 5
Self-compassion arises when we come
face to face with our suffering and are motivated to relieve it. We know misguided
self-compassion, when we often feel motivated to turn away from our suffering and
unpleasant experiences. We distract ourselves with stimulants like alcohol, food,
drugs, sex and other addictive behaviors;
blame ourselves and others; or feel self
pity. These can be the near and far enemies
of self-compassion.
Time out from our suffering is inevitable, but we must realize that self-compassion can only arise when we face our suf-
“One who aspires to be
a Buddha should not be
taught too many things.
If he (she) is taught only
compassion, learns only
compassion, that is quite
enough.”
~ from The Essential
Sangharakshita
VAJ R A BE L L 15
metta: a gateway
fering and lean into it with our breath.
Only then can we see clearly that suffering
is an experience, a mental event, and nothing more.
“This is not mine, this is not me, this is
not my self.”
~ from Maha-Rahulovada Sutta: The
Greater Exhortation to Rahula
Only then do we become disenchanted
with the mental proliferation (papancha)
that causes our suffering, and the thoughts
fade into emptiness, giving space for selfcompassion to arise. If we continually turn
away from suffering with the near and far
enemies, we will accumulate habits that
only end up creating more suffering. We
cannot avoid suffering, but we can face it
without being overwhelmed. We must disappear into the breath with loving-kindness, rather than into thoughts which inevitably produce more suffering.
To connect with self-compassion, we
need to walk through the gateway of the
first stage of metta. It is in the first stage
when we radiate loving-kindness toward
ourselves that we begin to nourish the lotus bud buried under the manure.
When we have self-compassion, we
have realized the three marks of conditioned existence – annica (impermanence), annatta (no self) and dukkha (suffering) – in the whole of our existence.
We see the impermanence of our
thoughts that has kept self-compassion out
of our hearts. We see thoughts clearly as
mental events and nothing more. We identify with our thoughts less, and see the illusions that keep us separate and “other.”
We let go of the stories that tell us we don’t
deserve self-compassion, that we are not
worthy of self-compassion, and that selfcompassion is self indulgent and selfish.
We accept many things from the past
that we have held onto as impermanent
and free up space for self-compassion to
emerge. Pleasant experiences are impermanent. We are not a fixed being, entity or
self, but are in constant flux and flow.
Metta is the gateway that opens us up
to self-compassion, underpinning the rest
of the sublime abodes of compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity. In the first
four stages of metta, we are really working with aspects of ourselves. The people
we put in the friendship, neutral and en16 VAJ R A BE LL
emy stages are reflecting our preferences, our likes and dislikes. When we realize
this, forgiveness is possible. Without forgiveness, there can be no self-compassion.
We remain separated from others and the
rest of the world.
Forgiveness is an aspect of both metta
and self-compassion. When we are unable
to forgive people, we remain in turmoil.
Forgiveness takes place in the fifth stage
where we radiate metta to all of us and the
rest of the world equally.
Forgiveness takes place when we see
that the self is made up of the five skandhas – form, feeling/sensation, perception,
mental formation and consciousness. The
most compassionate act is to realize that
each skandha is unsatisfactory, impermanent and devoid of self. Forgiveness takes
Often people tell me, “I
can give metta to everyone,
but it’s so hard to give it to
myself,” or “I’m unable to
give it to myself.” I smile,
because I was once one of
those people.
place when we connect to the roots of
goodness in each individual.
This can be difficult, because some of
us have had painful life experiences. When
I first came across the prostration practice
of putting my mother on my left and my
father on the right, I broke down. An order
member suggested I substitute others for
my mother and father, but I knew I had to
make peace with them. Making peace with
the enemies of the mind cultivated my
self-compassion.
When I was able to let go of the memories of abuse, the memory of the carving
knife aimed at me, the memory of a shoed
foot stamping on my head, I gave room for
self-compassion to well up in my heart. I
was able to see “this is not me, this is not
mine.” I could see the story of memory and
the emptiness of memory. Some 40 years
later this is me, and it is not me, too.
Often people tell me, “I can give metta to everyone, but it’s so hard to give it to
myself,” or “I’m unable to give it to myself.”
I smile, because I was once one of those
people.
I loved the practice of loving kindness, and it was definitely having an impact on my life. But I wasn’t at peace. I
still was haunted by papanca. I was still attached to a fixed self. It was excruciating to
admit that I acted out with others the relationship I had with myself. I loved others in the same unhealthy way I loved myself. When I was communicating from
the reactive mode, I treated people in the
hurtful, harsh and uncompassionate way I
treated myself.
We cannot escape learning to love and
like ourselves. We cannot avoid self-compassion if we weaken the fetters and understand the three marks of conditioned
existence.
How do we learn self-compassion?
The five stages of metta are not always
enough for people. Some Buddhist traditions introduce the Benefactor stage as another way to develop loving kindness toward ourselves. The Benefactor radiates
loving kindness toward us, with the idea
that we can begin to give it to ourselves.
In my early days of cultivating metta toward myself I instinctively did the following.
• I spent a year or more with just a twostage metta – me in the first stage and
then radiating loving kindness out
into my world. Over time it became
a three-stage metta, including a good
friend.
• I put myself in the first four stages.
Then, in the fifth, I visualized myself in
all the stages before radiating metta to
the rest of the world.
• I reflected on how old I was when
these traumatic experiences happened, and realized that these experiences created aspects of myself I didn’t
like. I would put who I was in that moment in the first stage, an age where
I liked myself in the friend stage, an
age where I couldn’t remember much
in the neutral stage, and an age where
I experienced trauma in the enemy
stage.
• I put a different body part in each of
the stages. For example I put the whole
of me in the first stage, then a body
part I was friendly toward in the friend
AUT UM N 2015
metta: a gateway
stage, a body part I ignored in the neutral stage, and a body part I didn’t like
in the enemy stage.
My metta practice continues, because
there is no time off from cultivating selfcompassion until we enter the stream and
become a non-returner.
Three years ago I was inspired by one of
Deepak Chopra’s 21 meditation challenges
after hearing him speak about the Four Basic Needs of the Heart: attention, affection,
appreciation and acceptance. He said it was
important for humans to have these needs
met by other people, but I felt myself saying, “No, Deepak, we have to learn to meet
these needs ourselves. We have to learn to
give attention, affection, appreciation and
acceptance to ourselves so we no longer
hunger for people to give them to us.”
This realization inspired me to devel-
op a meditation around these four needs to
help cultivate self-compassion. v
Vimalasara is an award-winning author of eight books including Eight-Step Recovery: Using The Buddha’s Teachings to
Overcome Addiction, and Detox Your
Heart: Working with Anger, Fear and Hatred. She is currently working on her new
book, Mindfulness-Based Addiction Recovery.
Meditation on the Four Basic Needs of the Heart
Can be as short as 4 minutes or as long as 20 minutes
ATTENTION
First bring attention to your breath. As you breathe,
imagine your breath carrying kindness, like a beautiful,
warm light, filling your body with kindness and wellbeing.
With this sense of breathing kindness, give yourself
some attention. Notice your body
— the tension and relaxation in
the body. Cultivate more lovingkindness in your life by just paying more attention to yourself.
Notice if paying attention to
yourself is pleasant, unpleasant,
neutral or a mixture of all three.
As best you can, sit with whatever
arises without judgment or story.
Lean into the feeling with breath
and kindness.
AFFECTION
Visualize a photo you like of
yourself and look closely without
judgment. Look at yourself with
warm kind eyes. Give yourself a
metaphorical or literal hug. Hold
yourself and lean into your arms.
Now imagine yourself as a tiny
baby, and imagine yourself today
holding that tiny baby and looking at it warmly.
Feel the weight of this tiny you in your arms. Notice
yourself. Squeeze that tiny baby into your being and give
yourself a metaphorical hug. Cultivate more self-compassion in your life by looking at yourself, with all your pain
and difficulties, with loving eyes.
Notice if giving yourself affection is pleasant, unpleasant, neutral or a mixture of all three. As best you can sit with
whatever arises without judgment or story. Lean into the
feeling with kindness.
AUTUMN 2 0 1 5
APPRECIATION
Give yourself some appreciation. Visualize your heart.
Experience your heart gladdening. Allow yourself to have
mudita (joy for others) for yourself. Let sympathetic joy flow
towards yourself. Appreciate yourself for being on the path,
sitting here and meditating. Cultivate more sympathetic joy
in your life by telling yourself, “well done.” Sit with appreciation flowing towards yourself.
Notice if appreciating yourself
was pleasant, unpleasant, neutral or
a mixture of all three. As best you
can, sit with whatever arises without judgment or story. Lean into the
feeling with kindness.
ACCEPTANCE
Give yourself some acceptance.
Accept yourself right now in this
moment. Let go of the past. Let go
of the future. Let go of the judgments, the critical voice. If they
arise just say to yourself, “let it go.”
Acceptance is in the present moment. Cultivate more equanimity in your life by saying, “I am at
peace with who I am right now in
this moment. I am at peace with the
person who is sitting right here on
this cushion (or chair) in this moment. I accept myself.”
Notice if giving yourself self acceptance is pleasant, unpleasant, neutral or a mixture of all three. As best you can,
sit with whatever arises without judgment or story. Lean
into the feeling with kindness.
Now sit with the strong wish to be free of misery, the
strong wish to be free of mental proliferation, and the strong
wish to be at peace. Having that strong wish for all sentient
beings to free of misery, feel it on a visceral level. Physical.
Mental. Emotional. Spiritual. Wish that all sentient beings to
be free from the roots and causes of suffering, that all sentient beings be at peace.
VAJ R A BE L L 17
18 VAJ R A BE LL
AUT UM N 2015
The Practice of
Self-Compassion
By Dh. Varada
T
o a Buddhist, self-compassion may sound like
an oxymoron. Some writings teach that there is
no self. Or that one just needs to “get rid of the
self ” as if it can be thrown out in the trash. We
are taught that self-cherishing causes us suffering. If the self
doesn’t exist, or even if it does, and we need to focus on getting rid of it, then how and why would one want to develop
compassion for it? The confusion arises from what we think
“the self ” is. Once we investigate and see self for what it really
is, self-compassion makes more sense.
In my experience, self-compassion is indispensable to a sound Buddhist practice. It is a bridge to both insight and development of true compassion toward
others. On a simple psychological level, self-compassion can be more valuable
than the development of self-esteem. Some studies have shown self-compassion
squares with the true nature of the self and creates a more healthy, resilient sense
of self (http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/try_selfcompassion).
What is the true nature of the self? The self is a mental construct created out
of our experience. It is a way of interpreting experience. Consider the five skandhas: this body, these feelings, perceptions, volitions and consciousness. You might
say, these feel like “me,” or they feel like “my” experiences.
From the time we are children we are told, “this is me, and that is someone
else,” and “this is mine, and that is yours.” Our bodies feel like “me” and “mine,”
don’t they? We feel a sense of continuity from day to day. We call that “me.” We
tend to react the same way to similar experiences. All of these things point to a self
that is organizing and owning the whole thing. As we grow up, we are offended or
hurt when people don’t like us, and we are excited when people do.
In adolescence we cultivate this sense of who “I” am and who “I” am not. This
process is a very important part of our psychological development. Our language
supports the belief that we are our bodies, our experiences. We don’t even use language without the capital I to explain where our thoughts come from. In English,
we say we “are” hungry, angry, happy, sick. We spend much of our energy on protecting, defending and nurturing this “self.”
Buddhism teaches that the whole reason we suffer is because this self doesn’t
exist in the way we think it does. Belief in self as a fixed, permanent thing is the
crux of the problem. Yet most of us have an intimate, complicated relationship
with this idea of self, and we find this teaching confusing. We may do well with
the first stage of the metta bhavana to cultivate love for ourselves, or some of us
skip that stage and develop metta for others who are less complicated. We try to
be “selfless” and altruistic. All the time, though, we are still convinced these experiences are happening to a self, and that self is pretty important. It is “who I am.”
We may easily understand how to have compassion for others but faced with selfcompassion, we wonder “how can I have compassion for something that you tell
me doesn’t exist?”
This reminds me of the time I realized God was a similar kind of construct.
Because of what I had been taught, I saw everything as made by, governed by and
AUTUMN 2 0 1 5
VAJ R A BE L L 19
practice of self-compassion
overseen by God. I believed I couldn’t do
anything that God didn’t let me do. I could
not see a world without a God ruling over
it. One day that flipped. I asked myself,
“What if there IS no God organizing this
whole thing? What if God is just an idea,
an assumption people have made to explain their experience?”
As radical as this idea was to me at the
time, it made sense, and still the world
kept turning. I could see that everything
was working based on the laws of karma. Something would arise out of conditions that preceded it and would stop existing when the conditions for its existence
ceased. There was no God “behind” it all,
and it all went on functioning perfectly. Instead of a “godless” world being empty and
sterile, as I had feared it would be, I saw it
as incredibly intricate and beautiful. There
was no one to blame when things seemed
to go wrong. Any dysfunction was caused
by conditions that preceded it. There was
no one to praise or thank when things
went right. Any given thing was simply
unfolding exactly as it should based on
cause and effect. As a result of this shift, I
could see the power of individual practice.
If everything conditioned everything else,
then my practice to become wiser, more
compassionate and kind was actually putting something powerfully positive into
the mix.
So it is with the self. If we drop the idea
of a self as being the organizing principle behind our experience, everything still
goes on. We still love, cry, feel pain, get upset and feel happiness just as before because we are conditioned to have those responses. The only difference is we don’t
have to take things so personally. Seeing the self as a construct is incredibly liberating. Our reactions to our experience
change when there is no belief in a fixed
self to cling to. We see the same for all other beings on the planet. If there is no self
as the gatekeeper between our flow and the
flow of the rest of the world, we see things
as they really are.
This is where self-compassion becomes
so wonderful. If we see self as a construct
that causes suffering by separating us from
everything else, then self-esteem and conceit are irrelevant as are their opposites.
How can my self be esteemed? How can
“my” illusory self be any better or worse
than any other self? These selves are illusions. We are all just bundles of consciousness experiencing. Look how much suffering arises out of being attached to having a
self? We all do it, and we all suffer from it.
If our practice establishes the habit to respond to suffering with metta, then how
can it not arise when we see how we make
ourselves suffer?
Having practiced the metta bhavana –
both on and off the cushion – on a regular
basis for years, it has become conditioned,
a habit. It has become, bit by bit, part of
my emotional vocabulary. I have seen it
work this way with other long-time practitioners. Karuna (compassion) is defined as
metta when it encounters suffering. If we
are in the habit of metta, then karuna will
arise when we encounter suffering - any-
one’s suffering. How can it not? If we truly
see how others are just the same as we are
- bundles of experiences conditioned by
the past and feeling alone and isolated in
these selves constructed like prisons - how
can karuna not arise when we see how we
all suffer?
With practice, compassion becomes
the natural response when we encounter suffering – ours or anyone else’s. But
you can’t jump to self-compassion without
creating the conditions for it to arise. You
have to work at setting up the conditions
and then recognize it when it is present.
Make metta a habit of mind with regular
practice. Practice the metta bhavana meditation. Even when it is difficult, it chips
away at our habit of loving only what is in
our self-interest and hating what is not.
Look for metta’s presence every time
you meditate, regardless of the practice.
Look for metta off the cushion. Say, “may
you be well” when someone cuts you off in
traffic – and try to mean it. Look into the
eyes of the post office worker, the grocery
clerk, the waiter and imagine them as your
friend. Every chance you get, look deeply
into the nature of experience; reflect on the
nature of self. Get to really KNOW it.
As the Buddha might suggest, look at
experience and, in experience, look for the
self. Question. Finally, don’t run from suffering by numbing the mind with intoxicants or other distractions. Make it a practice to step into painful experience with
metta and see what happens. v
Dh. Varada lives in Montana with her
husband Buddhapalita and works at Tipu’s
Chai with another Triratna Order member.
How Can You Contribute to the Vajra Bell?
As a sangha, one of the most important
things we do is to share our individual experiences of the spiritual life. By contributing our own stories to the richly-flavored
stew of Dharma life that surrounds our center, we create strong connections between
and among each other and strengthen each
others’ practices, sometimes without even
knowing it.
Just by telling another person about
something you know or an experience
you’ve had, you may provide the missing
part to a puzzle that has been unfinished
in their mind. You may bring them peace,
simply in the knowledge that they are not
the only one struggling with an issue. You
might say the right word at just the right
20 VAJ R A BE LL
moment that will alter their lives forever.
With this in mind, if you’ve ever been
interested in contributing to the Vajra Bell,
this is the time to do it! Have you taken an
amazing photo lately? We can use one! Trying your hand at poetry? We’re eager to
share one of your poems. If you’ve attended a retreat or event at a Triratna center,
we would love to have you write something
about it for us. If you have a great website to
share, a Dharma movie you’re eager to talk
about, or a page-turner of a Buddhist book
that you have to let everyone know about,
let US know! There are so many ways that
you can enrich the pages of the Vajra Bell let your imagination run wild!
So, you say that you’re not a great writ-
er? Well, now is the chance to challenge that
self-view. The Vajra Bell kula has among its
volunteers an excellent set of editors to help
you on your way. Have an idea, but you’re
not sure if it’s prime-time material? Let us
know what you’re thinking - it may grow
from a seedling thought into a solid story.
The important thing is to take the leap.
You never know what will happen unless
you give it a shot, and there may be someone out there just waiting for what you have
to say.
To contribute, or to suggest an idea for a
future issue of the Vajra Bell, you can contact any of the kula volunteers - listed in the
contact column on page two of this issue by email or in person. ◆◆
AUT UM N 2015
Men's Day at the MFA
arts at aryaloka
Aryaloka has a deep commitment to the contemplative arts - supporting the
art process, creativity, and artistic expression as tools for communicating
spiritual insights and, in the process of creation, dropping the self.
Art from a Year of Silence
New Work from Dh. Kiranada Following a Year in New Zealand
Art From a Year of Silence, work created during Dh. Kiranada’s one year solitary retreat on a precipice in the Coromandel wilderness of New Zealand, will
be on view at the Aryaloka Buddhist Center from October 24th to November 25th
(viewing schedule below).
For over 360 days, Kiranada meditated,
reflected, wrote, walked and created eight
pieces of resist-dyed fiber art on Ahimsa
(non-harm) silk with natural dyes. These
framed pieces explore inner reflections
of silence in all its forms. Accompanying
these fiber pieces will be eleven watercolor
prints on canvas, explorations of outer silence, visions of this unique land.
The opening reception of this special
exhibition will be on Sunday, October 24th
from 3:30pm – 5:30pm with a short gallery
talk at 4:15pm. The exhibition is on view
M-F 11am – 3pm, except November 4th10th. Open Tuesday evenings 5 -7pm. Call
ahead to confirm times. v
Dh. Kiranada coordinates the Contemplative Arts at Aryaloka and teaches Surface Design at Massachusetts College of Arts
and Design (fall semester) in Boston. www.
kiranadasterlingbenjamin.com
Dh. Kiranada,
“The Wisdom of Silence”
More Upcoming Arts
Events at Aryaloka
AUTUMN 2 0 1 5
Arts Evening
November 15, 6-9 p.m.
Aryaloka Drawing Group
Nov. 22 & Dec. 6, 9:30-11:30 a.m.
VAJ R A BE L L 21
life lesson from prison
the sun and gentle breeze on his face.
Later he watched James seal an envelope
for the first time in several years, and
they enjoyed a sweet frozen coffee drink
together. Doug reflected afterwards how
the mundane task of providing transportation was a gift as he found a renewed
sense of joy in the simple pleasures and
freedom we often take for granted.
Prison is a noisy, highly stressful environment. The lights are always on. There
is constant motion. The sounds of televisions, pool tables, arguments and confrontations are never-ending. The men
share stories about how their meditation practice has helped them to handle
stressful situations in more skillful ways.
They have been able to avoid conflict so
they don’t lose important privileges such
as the ability to hold a job, and to have
visits with family.
I see firsthand that practicing meditation and studying the Dharma has
made a difference in many lives behind
the walls of the prison, and I believe the
changes carry through and also make a
difference for family members.
Through the men in Concord, I have
come to appreciate darkness and silence.
I appreciate oranges and hiking in the
mountains. But more importantly, I appreciate that no matter what has brought
them to prison, they are people. Living
in the present moment, I am in the company of compassionate and caring people, and as we practice our meditation together, that present moment is good. v
compassionate presence
with an ego-based thought-response, the
re-enactment allowed me to visualize the
choice to side-step this thought and let it
pass by. It allowed enough time to regroup
and pause to check in with myself prior to
forming a response. It allowed me the freedom to get in touch with how I felt. Perhaps, I thought, I have needs that should
be heard as well. The afternoon full of experiencing these emotions left me exhausted. We concluded the day with meditation.
On Sunday Shantigarbha led us in a
walking meditation around the Stupa, reciting the Shakyamuni mantra. After a
light lunch and a recap of the weekend’s
events, we performed the usual cleaning
duties. Leaving Aryaloka is always bittersweet. The sense of tranquility I experience while there is not easily reproduced. I
enjoy the opportunity to hear from others
about their path and to share mine. I attempt to take a piece of the serenity home
with me, and to hold on to it for as long as
I can.
I do feel that my approach to conflict
resolution has changed, and having the
ability to see the steps in action helps slow
things down even when in the midst of a
heated situation. I am grateful to Shantigarbha and Gesine for illustrating a better approach and adding new tools to my
toolbox.
For more information, please visit Shantigarbha’s site at http://seedofpeace.
org. v
Audio-visual resources
exploring Buddhism
www.clear-vision.org
22 VAJ R A BE LL
AUT UM N 2015
upcoming events
poetry corner
21
Sangha Day
21-28 International Urban Retreat
Kickoff: Living in the
Greater Mandala
22
Drawing group, 9:30 a.m.
24 Friends’ Night, 6:45-9:15 p.m.
25
& Buddhism Series,
7-9 p.m. - led by Rijupatha
30-12/6 After the First Bite:
Professional Mindful
Eating Training, led by Amala
and Megrette Fletcher
DECEMber
Transience
from “Skeletons”
The world is full of falling leaves,
Of wistful things that come and go –
Flights of swallows through the skies,
Footprints of starlings in the snow.
A melancholy autumn wind
Blows through the world;
The pampas grass waves,
As we drift to the moor,
Drift to the sea.
By Sangharakshita
Only one day the Summer rose
Across our path her scent can fling;
Not long the Autumn lily blooms,
Not long the crocus of the Spring.
My Legacy
By Ikkyu
What can be done
With the mind of a man
That should be clear
But though he is dressed up in
a monk’s robe,
Just lets life pass him by?
By Taigu Ryokan
My legacy -What will it be?
Flowers in spring,
The cuckoo in summer,
And the crimson maples
Of autumn...
AUTUMN 2 0 1 5
Autumn Moonlight
By Matsuo Basho
Autumn moonlight—
a worm digs silently
into the chestnut.
1
2
4
4-6 5
6
8
9
11 12
12-13 15 16
18
19 19
20
26-31
Friends Night, 6:45-9:15 p.m.
& Buddhism Series,
Practice Night, 7 p.m.
Mindful Eating Retreat:
After the First Bite, led by Amala
and Megrette Fletcher
Order/Mitra Day
Friends’ Night, 6:45-9:15 p.m.
& Buddhism Series,
Ancient Wisdom Study Day:
Revering the Buddha,
led by Surakshita - 9 a.m. - 1 p.m.
Path of Practice Overnight
(this group is currently closed
to new members)
& Buddhism Series,
Entering into the Dhyanas, led by
Lilasiddhi - 9 a.m. - 1 p.m.
Movie Night: “Why Has
Bodhidharma Left for the East?
A Zen Fable,” 6 p.m.
Exploring Presence: Yoga &
Meditation Day Workshop,
led by Molly Schlangen and
Satyada, 8 a.m. - 4 p.m.
Winter Meditation Retreat,
led by Sravaniya
VAJ R A BE L L 23
upcoming events
(All events are subject to change. For the latest, up-to-date information, check
our web site at http://www.aryaloka.org or call the office at 603-659-5456.)
Events in italics held at Akasaloka. Mitra classes & Order days not included.
October
2-4 4
6
9
10 10 11 13 11-16 16 17-18 20 23 24 24
Sitting Down and Waking Up:
Young Sangha Retreat, led by Rijupatha
Introduction to Meditation: Metta Bhavana
Movie Night: “The Jew in the Lotus,” 6 p.m.
Path of Practice
(this group is currently closed to new members)
Gateway to Buddha Realms Mandala Retreat,
led by Amala
Work Days
Introduction to Buddhism Workshop, 9 a.m. - 1 p.m.
Art From A Year of Silence exhibit,
25 27 30 Opening Reception, 3:30 p.m.
Meditation Tune-up Workshop: Developing a
Meditation Toolkit, led by Bodhana - 9 a.m. - 1 p.m.
Practice Night & Full Moon Puja, 7 p.m.
NOVEMber
4-10 10 11
13-15
15
15
17 18
20
Intensive Noble Silence retreat, led by Bodhana,
Karunasara and Lilasiddhi
Introduction to Meditation & Buddhism Series,
Wisdom of the Body Retreat, led by Sunada
Children’s Sangha, 2-4 pm, led by Alisha Roberts
Arts Evening at Aryaloka, 6 p.m. - 9 p.m.
Introduction to Meditation & Buddhism Series,
Movie Night: “Himalaya,” 6 p.m.
ongoing events
Friends’ Night At Aryaloka
Every Tuesday evening, 6:45-9:15 p.m.
• Led by Arjava, Akashavanda, Amala,
Satyada, Lilasiddhi, and other sangha members.
• Open to all
• Suggested donation $10 per class
• No registration necessary
Typically, our Tuesday night activities include:
• 6:45 - Gathering, tea and announcements
• 7:15 - Meditation and shrine room activity
• 8:00 - Study, discussion or a talk on the evening’s topic
• 9:15 - End
With any of these activities, you are free to participate or to just
sit and listen. Nothing is compulsory. If you have any questions,
please ask!
Full Moon Puja
Friday evenings as scheduled (unless noted). See the Aryaloka website or Vajra Bell events schedule for dates and locations.
7:00 p.m. meditation, followed by puja.
The rich devotional practice of meditation and puja is shared on
these special Friday nights by those who find devotion an important part of their practice.
When we celebrate the Sevenfold Puja, which combines faith and
devotion with poetry and sometimes an element of visual beauty, we find that our emotional energies are to some extent refined.
When this happens, it becomes possible for the vision and insight
of the higher thinking center to act through these refined, sublimated emotional centers directly on the moving center. In this way, the
whole of life is completely transformed.
Sangharakshita ~ Ritual and Devotion
Policy for Retreat Deposits
RETREATS/CLASSES/SOLITARIES
Those registering for retreats (including solitaries) and classes of any length will be asked to pay a minimum deposit of onehalf of the total cost to finalize registration. If a registrant cancels two weeks or more before the retreat, s/he will receive a
credit of the full amount toward another event. If the cancellation is received less than two weeks before the event, the registrant forfeits half of the retreat fee, and the remainder may be
credited toward another event.
Note: In all situations, special circumstances will be taken into consideration.
24 VAJ R A BE LL
AUT UM N 2015

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