178 - Valley Planet

Transcription

178 - Valley Planet

VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
#080113082113
READ THE PLANET, IT’S FREE
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(256) 533 • 4613
AUGUST 1 - 21, 2013
IN THIS ISSUE:
5 Star Food Over a 3 Ft. Counter, The Conjuring,
Dirty Swagger, Homage to Okeefe, LoveBuffet.com, Tortora’s Grille,
Miyako Sushi Bar, Random Conflict, Pygmy Sunfish...and Elephants,
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#080113082113
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
THE VALLEY PLANET
In
The
Planet
august 1 - 21, 2013
NEXT ISSUE AUGUST 22, 2013 The ARTS ISSUE
THE VALLEY PLANET
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
#080113082113
203 Grove Ave , Huntsville Al, 35801, phone 256 533-4613
Publisher
Jill E. Wood
Calendar
Joanie Williams
Graphic Design
Douglas A. Lange
Contributors
Bonnie Roberts
Elaine Nelson
Jackie Anderson
Ricky Thomason
Aaron Hurd
Allison Gregg
Jim Zielinski
Tina Leach
Amanda Conger
Auntie Jen
Terri L. French
Brady Thomas
Adam Jackson
Tim Owen
Marti Bolig
Dave Stevens
Thomas V. Ress
Reggie Allen
Kallie Ingle Kirk
Bob Garver
Cameron Reeder
Table of Contents
3
Table of Contents
3
Letter From The Publisher
3
On the Cover
4
The Single Guy: Communi-Date, Aaron Hurd
4
Miyako, Brady Thomas
4
Random Conflict – Tradition is the Enemy (No Profit Records), Dave Stevens
4
ReLit, Smokin’ Good Reads Worth A ReKindle, Rick Thomason
5
Gal About Town, Tina Leach
5
Pygmy Sunfish…and Elephants, Thomas V. Ress
6
Tortora’s: Dining Dragon’s Treasure
6
Unchained Maladies, Ricky Thomason
7
The Jazz Lounge, Jackie Anderson
7
Pick-and-Choose Religion, Thomas V. Ress
8
News of the Weird
9
The Dirty Swagger, Kallie Ingle Kirk
9
“The Conjuring”, Bob Garver
10
LOVEBUFFET.COM, Brady Thomas
10
Zee’s Rocket City Beat, Jim Zieliński
10
Five-Star Food over a Three-Foot Counter, Jim Zieliński
11
Artist Showcase: Homage to O’Keeffe, Terri French
11
Dr. Anarcho’s Rx For Old Stuff That Don’t Suck
12
Music Calendar Begins
13
Music Calendar Continues
14
Smooth Cruisin’ Endless Highway, Marti Bolig
14
Bill Wilson (1929-2013): An Icon for a Life Fully Lived, Bonnie Roberts
15
Music Calendar Ends
15
Regional Concert Calendar
16
Free Will Astrology
17
Events Calendar Begins
18
Events Calendar Continues
19
More Events Calendar
20
Auntie Jen’s Animal Crazy
20
Events Calendar Ends
21
Party of One, Allison Gregg
21
The Last Great Family Vacation and you will love it or else!
22
Music Exchange
22
Kittens for Adoption
22
To Yuno From Yunohoo
22
Despicable Me 2, Reggie Allen
“Gonna make a whole lotta money. Gonna
buy this town and put it all in my shoe
...you think I’ll do that? Ha ha.”
- Jimi Hendrix
Letter from the
Publisher
I
t’s kind of fun to see who is reading the Valley
Planet…You Are! Just for kicks and giggles,
here is a little information for you from The
Media Audit, April/May 2013:
30.1% are 25 - 34 yrs
16% are 35 - 44yrs
7.1% are 45 - 49yrs
15.5% are 50 - 54 yrs
15.6% are 55 - 64 yrs
6.9% are 65 - 74 yrs
8.8% are 75+yrs
44.3% Male and 55.7% Female
Surprised? Introduce a friend to the Fun Side of
the Tennessee Valley – give them a used copy of
the Valley Planet!
Follow us on Facebook and Twitter to get
important updates that happen between our
publication dates, for a chance to win FREE
tickets, and to chat with us about all sorts of
community topics!
Our next issue is the ARTS ISSUE so if you have
anything to contribute about our “arts scene” –
email it in by August 9th or preferably before then!
Get out and enjoy local music, local art, local
businesses and local events and I will you see you
out and about and at Summerfest in Downtown
Huntsville on August 17th!
Local Scene Supporter,
Jill E. Wood
On the Cover
om Bryant is an award-wining photographer Tom’s formal education in photography includes
and his work has been published on a workshops with the Rocky Mountain School
magazine cover and a book jacket.
of Photography, a class in Photo Composition
at the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute, and a
He is a retired rocket engineer, so like many weeklong Ansel Adams Photo Caravan workshop
Huntsvillians he can wear the T-shirt saying in the Yosemite Valley of California with Rick
he really is a rocket scientist. Tom got his first Sammon.
“serious” camera system more years ago than he
wants to admit – an Argus C4 35 mm film camera His work tends toward landscapes, and his real
teamed with a Sekonic light meter. This provided love is photographing nature in a way that might
an artistic outlet for the other side of the brain show its beauty and help with its preservation.
from rocket engineering.
Tom is a member of the Huntsville Photographic
His education in photography includes years of Society and the Nature and Travel Photographers.
self-study including studying classical artists.
T
Thank you for reading the fine print of the Valley Planet. The Valley Planet and valleyplanet.com are published every three weeks by J W Publications in Huntsville, AL. You can pick up the paper free all over the
place or get it free on the web. Copyright 2003 by the Valley Planet, Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction or use without our permission is strictly prohibited. The views and opinions expressed within
these pages and on the web site are not necessarily those of the Valley Planet or its staff. The Valley Planet
is not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts or art. Back issues are available for viewing on our web site
www.valleyplanet.com in the archives section. You may reach the Valley Planet office @ 256.533.4613 or
by mail at Valley Planet 203 Grove Ave. Huntsville, AL 35801. Contact by email: info@valleyplanet.com.
Subscriptions to the Valley Planet are now available for $50 a year in the USA.
256-533-4613 VALLEY PLANET
Deadline for August 22 Issue is August 9.
THE VALLEY PLANET
#080113082113
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
3
The Single Guy: Communi-Date
by Aaron Hurd
Drama Zone Straight Ahead!
P
retty much every time I get turned down or am between dating, I try and slow down re-evaluate
and take it as a learning tool to re-adjust my approach. While I am lying low, it gives me a better
approach to look at dating from an outside view. Lately, I have learned that a relationship cannot
exist or even start or last without some kind of drama. I have come to the conclusion that I need more
drama in my life if I ever expect to have a lasting relationship.
Let me be honest, I hate drama. However, it seems to be what every woman wants, and if I ever want
to end the “single guy” streak - I need to develop more drama in my relationships and go back to the
immature, straight up cocky punk I used to be back in the day! Why? Simple, because it worked and
still seems to work in the dating world.
On any dating site or in any relationship talk you hear from singles – you hear “I’m tired of drama”, “I
want a drama free relationship, “not looking for any drama”- I could go on and on. I am calling you
all out and saying - Bull crap! That is sooo not true! I don’t care how old you are - you love the drama,
and, unfortunately, it seems to be what makes relationships work.
Laying low and observing from the side lines I have seen some pretty immature dudes get some pretty
looking girls all from creating drama. I have been that guy before, and quite frankly, I miss that guy.
He had more game then… the low key, kick back, no drama Aaron. I may have bettered myself with
no drama, but I completely destroyed my dating life with this approach.
Don’t believe me? Look at Hollywood! Why do you think so many shows like the Bachelor, Bachelorette, Real House Wives, etc. are so successful? Because they all circle around drama. These people
look ridiculous, but they are the ones that win in the end. The guys who complain and act “high
maintenance” are the ones that get the girls. Ladies like to feel needed and wanted. Drama gives them
something to “solve” and “fix”, which we all know you ladies love to do. So, the guys who have mood
swings, get angry at the drop of a hat and act “needy” seem to be better off than someone, like myself,
who thrives on being independent - with a take it or leave it approach to dating.
My past relationships that had the most drama are the ones that seemed to be the most intense in the
bedroom – so there is some connection to the drama, good and bad. I used to take attitude and drama
as a weakness, but hey, if it gets me closer to the ladies - I am willing to play the drama game. When
my neighbor did not respond to me asking her out - I walked away I moved on. However, I bet if I
confronted her or texted back a smart a$$ response - I might have gotten myself a date out of the deal.
Now I just need to find someone who is worth all the drama and energy.
I told you stories in the past of me with no filter when I drink, well maybe it’s time to shut off the filter
every time I go on a date drinking or not. I seem to get more play when the jerk comes out. I have seen
it before. Heck, I have seen it in this article because when I write about an experience that happened to
me with a girl - I almost always get a call and follow up from the girl (If she knows I write this article.)
Why? Because it causes drama and you ladies flock to it! I am sure some of you will email me and
deny this, but seriously you love the drama, you love to argue and we all love makeup sex! So no more
Mr. Independent nice guy. Here comes a new me - Aaron the “A$$hole” single guy. It has a nice ring
to it, don’t ya think!?! Stand by. You will start to hear stories about me in the bars and hair salons the
will start like this… “This guy, Aaron I am dating, is such a jerk, but I love him…” I’m so READY!!!
And yes, that was written with attitude! Now give me your number…
Be honest. Does drama make a relationship more fun and worth pursuing? Ladies - does drama make
the guy more of a challenge and more attractive to you? Would love to hear your thoughts, email me
at aaronthesingleguy@gmail.com
ReLit, Smokin’ Good Reads
Worth A ReKindle:
 
T
I Am One of You Forever, by Fred Chappel
hough comprised of 10 intertwined short
stories about Appalachia and North Carolina
in particular, I Am One of You Forever is
considered the first novel in Chappel’s amazing
tetralogy about the Kirkman family.
 
Read this and you won’t rest until you seek out and
read the other three.
 
I consider it the best book I have read in a long time.
It is simultaneously funny and sad enough to bring
tears, and evokes anger and fear along the way.
 
Writing believable dialogue is
very difficult, and writing it well
in dialect is three times as hard.
Fred Chappel is a master at both
and writes with such an authentic
southern voice that you can hear
him telling you the stories from a
front porch rocker of a cabin on an
Appalachian mountainside.
 
I Am One of You Forever is a book
that should to be read aloud because
the printed word is inadequate in
this case, even Chappel’s poetic
prose.
4
 
A reader called “RAB” writes of the book in a
review, “This is one of those books that will leave
you thinking, and perhaps renewed. I read the book
about 10 years ago as of this writing; to this day I
still think about the final pages of the book. Few
stories have given me satisfaction like this one.”
 
The blurb on the back of the book makes comparison
to Eudora Welty in the southern/comedic writing
genre.
It is aptly said that anyone who
enjoys the works of such writers
as Tony Earley, Charles Frazier,
Robert Morgan, Kaye Gibbons,
and Wilma Dykeman, will enjoy
I Am One of You Forever though
Chappell is funnier than all of
them. Think a modern Mark
Twain.
Stay Literate, My Friends.
Review by Rick Thomason.
#080113082113
Miyako
by Brady Thomas
M
iyako is first and foremost a sushi place
with great appeal, atmosphere and service. The service is so good, in fact, that it
almost makes the excellent menu a secondary feature. The sushi bar itself, which is a relatively small
area at the entrance - only seating about 10 but with
enough chefs and staff for 30 people. They are very
cheerful and attentive without being overbearing.
Some communication issues with my server would
be my only complaint but these were fairly easy to
overcome.
I was accompanied by a sushi aficionado who had
the sesame tuna rolls and vegetable tempura which
she thought was very good. I started with Yellowtail and Tuna Nigiri which was about as good as I can
recall in quite sometime. The Spicy Tuna Roll and Ika (Squid) Salad were also above par. As stated
earlier, we had a very attentive and friendly chef who also was quite helpful in explaining some of the
more obscure menu items. As far as atmosphere I think Miyako is a cut above most in the Valley.
The main restaurant flanks both sides of the bar encompassing an impressive 2000 + square feet. With
every variation on the sushi theme (including a fantastic Alabama Roll made with salmon) is a nice
option in an ever crowded market for anyone wanting a fine dining experience that won’t break the
bank. Tere is also an excellent drink selection with imported beers and wines to couple with any dish.
Overall, Highly Recommended. Hours are 11-10, 7 days a week. No reservations required but strongly
suggested on weekends. Located @ 10013 S. Memorial Pkwy. All major credit cards are accepted.
Phone 256.880.9879 Random Conflict – Tradition is the
Enemy (No Profit Records)
by Dave Stevens
I
n the late 1980s, USA Network’s variety TV show, Night Flight, aired the punk rock documentary,
Another State of Mind, which chronicled the 1982 tour of Social Distortion and Youth Brigade. For
months after, I was obsessed with starting my own punk band and slam dancing and stage diving,
just like the punks I’d seen in that film. It wasn’t until I first saw Random Conflict perform live at the
Fort Raymond Jones National Guard Armory in October 1988 that I truly believed, even in Alabama,
my dream was possible. Now in my 40s, when many of my dreams have been revised or abandoned
all together, I am reminded of that night with the release of Random Conflict’s new album, Tradition
is the Enemy.
My review copy is a 12” LP record with yellow and black splattered vinyl, but it is also available on
CD or as a digital download. I’m first struck by the artistic beauty of the packaging. This doesn’t look
like a traditional punk rock album. Its brightly colored cover has a collage of idyllic post-World War
II images.
The music is raw, aggressive and rebellious, yet easily accessible and masterfully produced. The 12
songs are heavily influenced by 80s hardcore punk (Black Flag, Minor Threat and Discharge) and
contemporary punk (Rancid, Propagandi and Leftöver Crack), but presented in a way that is fresh and
uncontrived. The lyrics tear down the façade of modern culture, exposing evil and corruption, while
offering hope and calling for unity. This isn’t a record you’ll hear on the radio or in a car commercial
on TV. This is punk rock as it is meant to be…iconoclastic.
The opening track, “Trailer of Tears,” sets the album’s tone by exposing the endless cycle of domestic
abuse and child neglect, and it demands that humanity take a stand against violence. The mysteriously
titled “D.B.A.T.O.E.” has the most profound lyrical statement on the album. “Tradition is the enemy
of freedom. Tradition is the death of thinking. Tradition is blind ignorance. Tradition is gutless intolerance.” How often do we see social progress stymied by those who cling to tradition, even though their
blind dedication leaves them hopeless and afraid?
Other songs offer positive solutions to these problems. “Bringing Truth to Power,” whose title revives a
1960s radical slogan, calls for
the employment of truth and
justice to reverse political and
social detritus. “Deprogram,
Decontrol” is an anthem
about rejecting negativity and
living life to its fullest.
Even with the sometimes
complex themes on Tradition
is the Enemy, Random Conflict
has the talent and experience to
create entertaining songs that
have instant appeal with any
rock music fan. Many critics
have written rock’s obituary,
and who can blame them?
Most contemporary rock acts
tend to be more interested in
corporate sponsorships than
writing and recording music
that will stand the test of
time. But the flame still burns
in North Alabama with our
punk rock stalwarts, Random
Conflict!
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
THE VALLEY PLANET
The real Belle Chevre tasting room is actually in
the historic downtown area of Elkmont, Alabama.
They’re building a new creamery behind it, so
eventually the addresses will match and no one
will have to go door to door begging for cheese…
except in France, where I assume out of work
mimes do that daily.
by Tina Leach
Cheesy Goats!
I
f there are two things I love, it’s cheese and goats. My love for cheese is the kind of love that
inspires sonnets and ends in tragedy. And goats are just cute and I want one. And even though my
only actual contact ever with a goat ended with tears, I still want to take one home and give it a
fancy name like Sir Edmund Goatington. (I was bitten by a baby goat trying to get its bottle at a petting
zoo. I was 2.)
This adventure doesn’t actually have goats in it. I wish it did. Because that would be awesome, and
would probably have a lot of squealing and giggling, and probably a little panicked running. And that
makes good copy. But alas, no goats this time. There is cheese though.
Samples are free (and tasty). I got to try fig, honey,
cinnamon, pimento, plain, and my favorite, coffee,
which is funny since I don’t really like the taste
of coffee. Love the smell though. My Traveling
Companion was completely taken by the Greek
Kiss, which is goat cheese wrapped in grape
leaves. I don’t even want to discuss how quickly
that was devoured later (roughly 10 minutes).
There are also soaps, tee shirts, a little café, and
even some merchandise to complement your
fromage de chèvre. If you don’t want to make
the drive, all of this can be purchased online. You
can also catch them on Thursdays downtown at
the Greene Street Market.
Tasting room hours
are Tuesday-Friday
8-5, Saturday 9-6, and
Sunday 11-4. Check
the website or Facebook
page (Facebook.
com/BelleChevre) for
additional events.
Goat cheese.
I remember a few times seeing a Belle Chevre booth around town (first time I
saw them was at the Tinsel Trail at Big Spring Park), but to be honest I thought
it was some national brand setting up tastings. I had no idea it was made in
Elkmont! Needless to say, when I found out that there was local cheese to be
sampled, I calmly explained to my Traveling Companion that there was indeed
a local artisanal goat cheese creamery nearby and that we needed to check it out
sometime. At no point did I just scream “cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese
cheese!” until I passed out, with “cheese?” being my first word upon regaining
consciousness.
Once the creamery
is finished, tours will
resume. I was told
in October they are
planning on having
goats out there and
everything. Soooooo,
yeah, I’d like to go to
that. You know, but
keep at a safe distance
so as not to repeat the
Busch Gardens petting
zoo incident.
So, with no prior planning we jumped in the car. I would advise you actually take
note of the real address on the website (bellechevre.com), and not just leave it up to
the maps on your cell phone. That’s a one way ticket to the land of “where the hell
are we?” and distrustful cows. When we arrived at our destination (the non-Upper
Fort Hampton Road one), we saw a trailer, a building, and nothing to indicate that
this was the Belle Chevre tasting room. We considered knocking on the door and
asking for free cheese, but opted for more research.
Pygmy Sunfish…and Elephants
by Thomas V. Ress
S
today. Rhino populations are
even worse; from 500,000
to 29,000 today - over 90%
decline. Many wildlife experts estimate that both animals will be extinct in twenty
years.
ometimes the Tennessee Valley seems far removed from the larger issues that
swirl around the world and we do not seem to be touched by those newsworthy events that dominate the newspapers and television newscasts. The Endangered Species Act, for instance, seems to have no impact on us here in northern
Alabama.
After all, what could we have here that is endangered? Endangered species are
grizzly bears, grey wolves, bald eagles, large animals that roam the remote wilderness of the western mountains and plains and the Alaskan tundra, right? Well no,
Alabama has one of the largest contingents of endangered species in the nation,
with 117 species in Alabama listed on the federal Endangered Species List, the third
highest ranked state.
And right here in our backyard, in Limestone County, we have a critter that is being
added as a candidate to the list. Ok, it may not be a charismatic and appealing animal like a manatee
or a sea otter but there is a tiny fish called the Spring Pygmy Sunfish, about the size of your thumb, that
the feds have declared an endangered species, thus warranting federal protection. The small number
of these surviving fish appears to live almost exclusively in Beaverdam Creek in eastern Limestone
County. Big deal huh?
Well yes, in the sense that listing an animal as endangered can have impacts on certain individuals.
The species’ habitat, for instance, may be declared inviolate which means that any time there is a
move to place any animal on the federal endangered species list there is an immediate and outraged
outcry from certain interest groups, like real estate developers for instance. So when the news came
out that Limestone County’s own Spring Pygmy Sunfish was being classified as an endangered species, I expected the usual outraged claxon of “government interference!” and “what use is some damn
little fish?”
Instead, much to their credit the Sewell family of Belle Mina, which owns a significant chunk of land
in Limestone County, and part of Beaverdam Creek in which the sunfish is found, quickly signed a
conservation agreement with the federal government to preserve habitat and ensure the survival of the
fish. Call me astonished. The anti-government fervor that is endemic in the country these days usually means that anything the feds do immediately engenders blind opposition. So to have individuals
gallantly step forward to do the right thing is refreshing - and unexpected. And the fact that I write
that is a sad commentary of the state of our country.
This is old news of course; all this happened a couple of years ago so why do I bring it up now? Because
for once Alabama is providing an example for others to follow. I am reminded of this by recent news
about the brutal and horrendous massacre of elephants and rhinos that is occurring throughout Africa.
The pursuit of ivory from elephant tusks and horn from rhinos has become a hugely lucrative business
with the result that large scale poaching is dooming these two iconic animals. Thousands of elephants
and rhinos have been cruelly slaughtered in the past decade by well armed poaching gangs armed
with automatic weapons. Elephant populations have declined from 1.4 million in 1970 to 400,000
THE VALLEY PLANET
#080113082113
MEALS TO-GO
In aggregate these numbers
are stark but the viciousness
and revulsion of the situation is made more sickening
by individual anecdotes: a
family of 38 elephants machine gunned; a herd of 89 including 30 pregnant females and 12 calves killed by automatic
weapons and grenades; five females slaughtered
and their babies left to die of starvation; rhinos
tranquilized and their horns hacked from their
heads with the mutilated animal left alive to suffer. Nauseating stuff.
A Piccadilly Family
Pack is perfect for
every event – business
meetings, office
parties, get-togethers
with friends, or family
dinners. Get entrées
like Fried Shrimp,
Chopped Beef or
Chicken Tenders, plus
homestyle sides
and bread.
Yet despite all this the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species (CITES),
an international organization of 170 countries
which attempts to protect endangered animals,
has refused to place sanctions on the trade in
ivory and rhino horn. Which makes me even
more appreciative of the amicable collaboration
that is protecting our little sunfish.
In a world where such captivating and imposing creatures as elephants and rhinos are being
indiscriminately slaughtered and yet countries
refuse to cooperate to stop the tragedy, here in
the Tennessee Valley we have the foresight to
come together to save one little fish.
You can help stop the slaughter of elephants,
rhinos and other wildlife in Africa by joining the
World Wildlife Fund. Check them out at WWW.
worldwildlife.org
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
Visit us at the
following location:
Parkway Place Mall
2801 Memorial Pkwy.
(256) 536-6440
piccadilly.com/familypack
5
Tortora’s: Dining Dragon’s Treasure
I
talian food is my most basic type of comfort food. Creamy sauces, al dente pasta, oddles and oddles
of cheese…so it’s not surprising that one of the first things my husband and I did upon arriving in
Huntsville was set out to find “our” Italian place. We found it in Tortora’s.
Why I love it: Their cream sauce is delicious, cheese is bountiful, and the pasta is perfectly done. The
“house salad”, usually code for wilted iceberg and some questionable tomato chunks, is a delightful
pear, pecan, and gorgonzola combination served on a spring mix with pear vinaigrette.
When it shines: With a lovely outdoor patio, Tortora’s is a perfect choice for summer evenings. Their
award winning pizza makes it easy to feed a group. Halfway between neighborhood pizza place and
fancy restaurant, it’s casual enough to go just because and nice enough to go for small celebrations.
They give the kids balls of dough to play with while they wait for their food, a nice touch since pizza
is not instant food, and always entertaining to watch.
What not to miss: The Tortellini Carbonara is fantastic; the sun dried tomatoes have the perfect texture
and a burst of flavor. Their dessert menu features zepolli’s, fried bits of dough served with whipped
cream and toppings of your choice. Like all of their dishes, the servings are generous, so one order is
easily shared.
Where to find them:
Tortora’s
182 Old Highway 431
Owens Cross Rds, AL 35763
(256) 536-6100
http://www.tortoras.com/
Hours:
Mon - Thu:11:00 am - 9:00 pm
Fri - Sat: 11:00 am - 10:00 pm
Sun: 11:00 am - 3:00 pm
Amanda Conger is on a mission to explore Huntsville...one bite at a time. Read her reviews of local
restaurants at http://thediningdragon.com.
UNCHAINED MALADIES
by Ricky Thomason
DOGTV
Y
es – really – no hurrahing you. There really is such a thing.
Many dog worshippers probably already have the DOGTV channel
for little precious, but most normal people are likely as bewildered as I was
when I first heard of the deal.
You know darned well the programmers saturate the channel with ads for expensive canned food, and
you’ll buy it, even while you trudge off to work with Dollar Store potted meat and stale crackers in
your reused, wrinkled brown bag.
I do know a guy who has some loose screws on his hinges, so loose he leaves
the TV on for his cat to watch all day. He says it is stupid because it prefers
the dumbest damned things on the air, like Honey Boo Boo and Rocket City
Rednecks - when they were still on the vast wasteland of “reality” TV.
Obviously the bar is set at ground zero when people you thought had more sense than a Dalmatian
religiously watch “Duncing With The Used-To-be-Stars,” and 52 clones of “America’s Got Talent,
Morons.” or any of the disparaging descriptions of “Idiot TV.”
Let me state that I love dogs, have had them since I was a kid, but they were never, ever considered
part of the family and durned sure never got their mugs included on the family portrait Christmas cards
– like we had any. Honestly, there is something badly wrong in your life if you include the damned dog
in family portraits; it instantly alerts me that your IQ is probably no higher than room temperature.
I have to laugh at the commercial that hawks dog food that is made of select cuts of meat – just like the
wolves ate. It never occurs to the dummies that buy it that wolves, dogs, and cats that catch food in the
wild go straight for their favorite part: the entrails and organs.
I have some content suggestions for them. Dogs love the old Bob Barker “Price Is Right” reruns. They
also like “Lassie,” and “Rin Tin Tin,” They enjoy shows with a lot of fire hydrants on them but that’s
probably not a good thing for them to watch.
I’d hold back on the late night showings of “Cujo,” too.
“DOGTV” really is a premium TV channel available from the channel store through cable and satellite
providers.
You limit, or should limit the amount of hours your kids can watch TV because it’s a scientific fact that
it makes them fat and stupid – especially FOX News. So, how can they sell the idea that constant TV
makes dogs smarter?
It’s a premium channel, a real premium channel and costs $9.99 per month. One would think this idea
came up as a bet between drunks in a bar. One bet the other that Americans are so crazy about their
dogs that they will do anything for them – up to and including paying ten bucks per month so the family dog doesn’t have to be lonely when he’s home alone; He can watch TV with programming geared
specifically for dogs.
CATTV can’t be far behind if it’s not here already. People love their dogs and cats more than their kids.
This is probably because the pets are smarter and mind better than the kids, are a hell of a lot more
loyal and are glad to see you when you get home. Well, dogs are anyway. Cats don’t care. So long as
something dispenses food for them they hope you never come back every time you leave.
Here’s the explanation from the website:
“A television can provide all important mental stimulation for dogs and help prevent boredom behaviour” says PIAS (The Petcare And Information Advisory Service).
“DOGTV is the ideal babysitter for “home alone” dogs. Research shows that dogs feel better in the
company of television, especially when the right content is on.
“DOGTV provides television for dogs with three types of programming offering relaxing and stimulating content as well as positive behavioral reinforcements. Dogs that are left alone tend to become anxious so the calming sounds and music in the relaxing segments on DOGTV were created to keep them
peaceful. Many dogs also suffer from a lack of stimulation, which becomes acute when their parents
are away. The stimulating segments provide dogs with invigorating images, animation and exciting real
world sounds to keep them up and running.
“DOGTV’s television programming meets a dog’s typical daily routine and helps prevent mental fatigue, depression and boredom. It’s available 24/7.”
Most guys reading this are wondering how any animal that can lick itself anywhere, anytime it wants
could possibly be bored. My theory of why they practice this form of self-amusement is two-fold; they
do it because they can, and they do it as a joke on you. They know when you get home you’ll grab
them up and play kissy-kissy on their mouth while they lick their tongue all over yours. You know that
tongue it just used to lick its butt and accessories. They want you to have a taste, too and laugh like
hyenas because you are stupid enough to believe they do it because they love you.
6
#080113082113
Note from the author just before publication: While I found the idea of dogs watching TV ludicrous,
and having their own channel even more so, I must confess I was set straight by my eleven year-old
granddaughter, Emily.
They have two Boston Terriers, so I asked her if they ever watched TV. She said “no, but they will
sometimes bark if they hear a dog bark on TV.” I told her about the DOGTV channel, of which she had
never heard. I asked if she had
ever heard of anything as silly as
a dog watching television.
“She replied, “Yes, my friend
Kayla has a German Shepherd /
lab mix that will growl and bark
if anyone changes the TV from
Animal Planet, acts the same way
if a specific local news person
even comes on the TV screen and
demands that it be changed to
something, anything else. Smart
dog. I stand corrected, humbled
and laughing about it. RT
Photo Credit: www.3news.co.nz
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
THE VALLEY PLANET
W
elcome to the Jazz Lounge. My guest
for this session is indeed the quintessential vocalist. She has grace, style,
and beauty. One name says it all – Maysa. She
sings soul, jazz, and R & B, and does it well.
When she steps up to a microphone, she means
business. This singer, songwriter, and mom, who
is a native of Baltimore, Maryland, is known for
her extraordinary solo work, as well as her work
with the British group Incognito. Like so many
of her loyal fans around the world, I admire and
respect her musical contributions over the years.
Maysa studied music at Morgan State University, and earned a degree in classical performance. She met Stevie Wonder during her time
at the university. After graduating, Maysa went to
California, where she performed with his backup
group Wonderlove. She has appeared on television shows including Oprah, The Tonight Show,
and The Arsenio Hall Show. Maysa was also a
vocalist on the Jungle Fever soundtrack. She has
collaborated with many artists.
In 1995, Maysa’s self-titled debut album was
released. Since then, there have been several
chart-topping albums including Motions Of Love
(2011), Woman In Love (2000), and Metamorphosis (2008). Her latest album called Blue Velvet
Soul (Shanachie) has 15 tracks, and is making
its way up the charts. This is Maysa at her best.
Great music. Check it out.
Jackie: There’s such a good selection of songs
here including: What Can I Do, Quiet Fire, Sophisticated Lover, Inside My Dream, Love Me
Good…Also noteworthy is Good Morning Sunrise- the duet with your friend Bluey from Incognito. How much of the composing did you do?
Maysa: I co-wrote 8 songs.
Jackie: Do you have a favorite?
Maysa: Inside My Dream is my favorite because
it’s a personal communication between me and
my parents in heaven.
Jackie: Where is Blue Velvet Soul available?
What is your official website?
Maysa: It’s available online, especially Amazon.com and iTunes, and select brick and mortar
shops such as FYE and some Best Buy and local
shops. My website is Maysa.com.
Jackie: Maysa, you’ve worked with everyone
from Stevie Wonder to Chris Botti, Najee, and
Chaka Khan. Who have you always wanted to
work with, but never had the chance?
Maysa: Quincy Jones. I would love to be produced by him just one time.
Jackie: How did you decide on the title Blue Velvet Soul for this project?
Jackie: One last thing, Maysa. I was so sorry to
hear of the loss of your mother. I’m sure it was a
difficult year for you. I understand that you were
as close to your mom as I was to mine when she
passed away. In another parallel, your mom made
you promise to keep going no matter what. Interestingly, that is exactly what my mom told me.
I’m sure your mom was so proud of you and all
you’ve accomplished – sharing your gift of music
with the world. You’ll always have her in your
heart, as I do mine.
Maysa: My original title was “New Vintage
Soul”, but one of my best friends Kim Brewer
said that my voice sounded like Blue Velvet to
her, so we changed it to Blue Velvet Soul.
Maysa: Thank you. Yes I miss her very much as I
do my father. But I know they are looking out for
me, I just wish they were here on earth so they can
enjoy the success this record is going to bring us.
Jackie: Maysa, how would you describe this album?
Jackie: Thank you, Maysa, for all that you do and
being my guest in the Jazz Lounge. All the best
with Blue Velvet Soul.
Jackie: Congratulations, Maysa, on the release
of the new album Blue Velvet Soul. I really like
it. You always speak so beautifully through your
music.
Maysa: Thank you.
Maysa: This record is a mixture of spiritual and
love songs that span many moods – from chilled
out to danceable.
Jackie: This is your 10th solo album, and you
must be thrilled. It’s my understanding that you
feel this is your best solo album to date.
Maysa: I do and I love all of my music because
I put 150% into all of them. But this time, I put
everything possible I had left in this one.
Before closing this session, I want to say that it
was a great evening of music with smooth jazz
saxophonist Tom Braxton. He performed as part
of the 2013 “Jazz At Three Caves” series. It was
a fantastic show. Which artists would you like to
see next year??
Remember, you can always reach me at
teekynyc@yahoo.com.
Until next time, stay cool, & keep it jazzy!
Pick-and-Choose Religion
by Thomas V. Ress
T
here are many paths to heaven.
Pretty benign statement seems to me. Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Christian - we can all end
up in the same place, whatever or wherever that
may be. After all, aren’t we taught that we are all
God’s children?
But what a beehive of indignation that simple
statement can stir up. A number of respected
public figures have had the temerity to proclaim
that we can all get to heaven by living a good life
and having faith, whatever that faith may be, only
to be immediately attacked by rabid followers of
one particular religion or another for not following their version of the true path.
Pretty simple to me; let us all follow our own
spiritual path, follow our own God or gods. My
God is as good as your God. Live and let live.
You don’t need to force feed your faith to me, I
have my own path. Yet I find myself occasionally
subjected to unwanted and uninvited remonstrations by casual acquaintances and even strangers
who somehow feel the need to tell me of the redemption that awaits me if I would only follow
their one true path to salvation. Apparently I look
so lost and forlorn to the “enlightened” that they
yearn to save me from going down the road
to perdition.
#080113082113
Therefore Tomism includes the concern for nature and the environment of Animism, the simplicity of the Amish, the empowerment of women
of the Episcopalians, the ten commandments of
Christianity, the anti-war pacifism of the Quakers,
the regard for all living creatures of Buddhism,
the compassion of Taoism and the acceptance of
all people of Unitarian Universalists.
And to those of you who scorn the pick-andchoose foundation of Tomism, who say you
can’t just decide what you choose to believe and
disregard the rest, like going to the supermarket
and shopping for certain goods, I refer you to
John Wesley who founded the modern Methodist movement by opposing and refusing to accept
certain tenets of the Anglican Church. Ditto Martin Luther who rejected some archaic teachings of
the Catholic Church that he found offensive and
started the Protestant Reformation. So here’s my
reply: If it’s good enough for Martin Luther and
John Wesley, it’s good enough for me.
Eskimo: “If I did not know about God and sin
would I go to hell?”
Missionary: “Not if you did not know.”
Eskimo: “Then why did you tell me?”
If you believe in your version of the Supreme Being, more power to you. We all have our own
way to make in this world and if your path gives
you peace, rock on dude. I respect your Christianity, Buddhism, Atheism or whatever faith you
do or don’t practice and I don’t care to divert you
from your path. Please do the same and just leave
me alone, I have found Tomism, my own path of
peace and happiness and I don’t need you to treat
me like an Eskimo.
I am turned off by the rigidity and intolerance of
those who blindly practice their version of salvation, be it Christianity, Islam, whatever. I have
chosen my own path, which in a fit of unoriginali-
After all, Chapter 1, Verse 1 of the Tomble, the
guiding book of Tomism, says “We shall all meet
in our own good time ‘cause that’s the way
we roll.”
Every time I am assailed by one of these zealots I
am reminded of an excerpt from Annie Dillard’s
Pilgrim at Tinker Creek:
THE VALLEY PLANET
ty I call Tomism. I select from the extant religions
and denominations, borrowing those teachings
and tenets that make sense to me, disregarding
those that are an affront to my conscience, the
world or society.
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
7
their legs.” Thus, “If they feel pleasure, why is it
so hard to think that they could feel pain?”
Physicians at Kwong Wah Hospital
and Queen Elizabeth Hospital, publishing in the
Hong Kong Medical Journal recently, described
a 66-year-old man seeking relief from a swelling
in his abdomen (after having had a sparse history
with doctors). They concluded that the man was
basically a woman and that the cause of the
swelling was an ovarian cyst. The patient had
both Turner syndrome, which causes women to
lack some female features, and congenital adrenal
hyperplasia, which boosts male hormones. (While
females have two X chromosomes, and males an
X and a Y, Turner syndrome patients have one X
and no Y.)
by Chuck Shepherd
Annals of Invention
Although Khalid Sheikh Mohammed
(the alleged 9/11 mastermind) was waterboarded
183 times among several extreme interrogation
techniques, he and his CIA captors eventually
reached a moderated state. In 2003, though still
housed in a “black site” in Romania, “KSM”
asked permission to design a household vacuum
cleaner, and the highest echelons of the agency
co-operated, according to a former senior CIA
analyst, speaking to the Associated Press in
July. In reality, when a detainee exhausts his
intelligence value, the agency’s main mission
is to keep him “sane,” in case he is later put on
trial, and the vacuum cleaner project was thought
likely to engage KSM, who, 15 years before the
murders of nearly 3,000 people on Sept. 11, had
earned a mechanical engineering degree from
North Carolina A&T State University.
The Entrepreneurial Spirit
The gourmet lollipop company Lollyphile
announced its latest flavor in June: Breast Milk
Lollipops (four for $10). Owner Jason Darling
said it “slowly dawned on” him that his friends
were “producing milk so delicious it could turn a
screaming, furious child into a docile, contented
one. I knew I had to capture that flavor.”
Marketing Challenges
The Rocket Fizz Soda Pop and Candy
Shop franchisers, already with a lineup of
sometimes-unappreciated flavors such as buffalo
chicken wing soda, briefly experimented in June
with “ranch dressing” soda, a mistaken adventure
that co-founder Rob Powells jokingly blamed on
his business partner.
Brewmaster John Maier of Rogue Ales
in Newport, Ore., pointed out that “wild yeasts”
have been used in beer for centuries and thus
(according to a June report on FoodBeast.com)
his company’s Beard Beer (from yeast of beards,
including at one time, his own) should be regarded
as a traditional brew.
Science on the Cutting Edge
Carnivorous Vegetation: It was a special
occasion in Surrey, England, in June as a rare plant
prepared to bloom. The 3-foot-tall Puya chilensis,
native to Chile, features neon-bright greenishyellow flowers with blooms large enough to yield
drinkable nectar, but its most startling distinction
is its ability to nourish itself by trapping small
animals in its razor-sharp spines, leaving them to
decay. (At Britain’s Wisley Garden, it is fed with
ordinary fertilizer rather than animals.)
Too Much Information
During a June debate in a House Rules
Committee hearing on abortion legislation, U.S.
Rep. Michael Burgess of Texas, himself an
obstetrician/gynecologist, criticized a proposal
to outlaw abortion at the 20-week limit (where a
fetus is said to begin to feel pain), insisting on an
earlier ban, at 15 or 16 weeks. “Watch a sonogram
of a 15-week-old baby,” said Burgess, “and they
have movements that are purposeful. ... If they’re
a male baby, they may have their hand between
8
Horse Bullies: In June, Barbour County,
W.Va., firefighters, called to a farm in Belington,
rescued the horse “Rowdy,” whose entire body
was somehow trapped inside an industrial-sized
tire. Rowdy’s owner said she believes Rowdy had
an altercation with some of the other horses.
Perspective
A staff report by Democrats on the
U.S. House Committee on Education and the
Workforce released in June and using data from
Wisconsin (because of the state’s comprehensive
record-keeping) found that taxpayers wind up
paying out at least $75 million a year in “safety
net” assistance to the state’s Wal-Mart workers
(food stamps, Medicaid, school lunches, earnedincome tax credits, etc.) allegedly because the
company’s wages and benefits are so meager. The
report, an update on 2004 numbers that were less
than half those found this time around, estimated
that Wal-Mart families accounted for more than
9,000 Wisconsin Medicaid enrollees. The $75
million, covering 75 stores, represents a low-end
estimate with the high end about $130 million.
Floridians Standing Their Ground: In
May, a jury in Tampa decided that Ralph Wald,
70, was not guilty of murdering a 32-year-old
man he had shot in the back three times. He
said he had caught the man having sex with his
wife (successfully claiming that he thought the
man was a dangerous intruder in his home).
However, Marissa Alexander, 34, of Jacksonville,
was sentenced last year to 20 years in prison for
“aggravated assault” for merely firing a warning
shot during an altercation with her estranged
husband. The man, Rico Gray, is a serial domestic
abuser and admitted that he was threatening
Alexander that night and that she never actually
pointed her gun directly at him. However, the
judge denied Alexander use of the “stand your
ground” defense because she had declined to
simply walk away from Gray.
People Different From Us
Melanie Typaldos, 57, and her husband,
Richard Loveman, 54, in Buda, Texas, are
supposedly part of a growing trend of people
keeping pet capybaras (giant, semi-aquatic guinea
pigs that are the world’s largest rodents, at more
than 100 pounds). “Gary” sometimes lounges on
the couple’s marital bed and frolics in the aboveground pool the couple installed for him. Although
Melanie and Richard keep other, more traditional,
animals at their home (they told London’s Daily
Mail in June), Gary is, of course, the only one as
large as a human but with the distinctive body and
head of a rat.
Least Competent People
Apprentice Brooklyn, N.Y., treetrimmer David Fleischer, 21 (and son of the
company owner), had to be rescued by firefighters
in July after he apparently violated the cardinal
rule in the business by cutting lower branches first
-- until he was stranded at the top of the tree. “He
is a good boy,” said “Izzy” Fleischer, “but he is
learning.”
Not Well-Thought-Out: A 64-year-old
man was arrested in Geelong, Australia (near
Melbourne) in June after carjacking a 22-yearold woman’s vehicle. He was still on-scene when
police arrived, as it took him time to load his
walker into the car, along with several bags he
had nearby when he decided to commandeer the
vehicle.
#080113082113
Emergency crews in Fort Worth, Texas,
responded to a Quik Trip gas station in June when
an unidentified man got his finger caught in his
car’s gas cap after he poured in some additive.
Rescuers had to use a hammer and screwdriver to
break the plastic around the cap and finally freed
the man’s hand, unscathed, after a 20-minute
struggle.
Update
“Breatharianism” Revisited: Kirby
de Lanerolle of Sri Lanka appeared on National
Geographic television in June to claim that
he had lived without food for five years -- on
nourishment only from the sun, wind and the
“vibrations of God.” But his story provoked the
same skepticism faced by other breatharians
-- that who can know if he cheated? In May,
Ms. Naveena Shine, a breatharian in Seattle,
attempted to head off that criticism by installing
24-hour cameras throughout her home for her
upcoming four-to-six-month regimen consuming
only air and sunlight. However, she called off her
project after 47 allegedly pure days (and a 33pound weight loss) because, she said, she was
out of money and because people seemed no less
skeptical that she was somehow cheating. (De
Lanerolle, interrogated on the TV show, actually
confessed to minor cheating but insisted that
science’s two-month maximum for surviving
foodlessly is wrong.)
Priorities
At a June hearing, a Philadelphia judge
became so exasperated at defendant Robert
Williams’ seeming cluelessness about his need to
keep his probation appointments that she ordered
him to take “etiquette” classes before returning to
court. Williams, a rap singer and budding music
mogul still under court supervision on gun and
drug charges from 2008, cavalierly defended
his inability to find time for his probation officer
by explaining that he was a busy man, working
with seven “artists,” with a demanding travel
schedule, and uninhibitedly using social media
(creating posts that, allegedly, led to threats
against the probation officer). (Williams, of
course, was accompanied to court by a severalman entourage.)
Ironies
An atheist “church” in Lake Charles, La.,
run by lapsed Pentecostal Jerry DeWitt, conducts
periodic services with many of the trappings
expected by the pious -- except for the need to
believe in a supreme being. Such “churches”
(reported The New York Times and Washington
Post in coincidental stories the same day in June)
can help soothe the “biological” needs for survival
and avoidance of loneliness by congregational
rituals (such as celebrating a sabbath) and in
helping find meaning “in something other than
(oneself).” For example, atheist Sigfried Gold
praised a “rigorous prayer routine” (beseeching
a “vivid goddess he created”) in overcoming his
weight problem.
War Endangers War Relics: In June,
fighting in the Syrian civil war spread to its
west, threatening archaeological digs and already
recovered artifacts near the ancient city of
Hamoukar -- which is the site of history’s earliest
known urban warfare (about 5,500 years ago).
The business website Quartz reported
in June that a popular consumer item in North
Korea’s perhaps-improving economy is the
refrigerator, made in China and increasingly
available as a reward to stellar performers among
civil servants and other elites. The appliances,
however, cannot reliably store food because the
country’s electric grid is so frequently offline and
are mostly just status symbols. One item Quartz
says often gets displayed in the refrigerator:
books.
Robert Dugan, 47, a full-time patrolman
for the Delaware County (Pa.) Park Police, was
charged in June with illegally impersonating
a police officer. According to authorities in
Brookhaven, Pa., Dugan had accosted a woman
double-parked outside her home to pressure
her into moving the car, but she refused. Dugan
allegedly claimed he was an Upland Borough
police officer (with authority to write parking
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
citations and make arrests, which he did not
actually have).
The Litigious Society
Shower rooms in health clubs are
slippery enough, but Marc Moskowitz, 66, cited
the one at the Bally Total Fitness gym on E. 55th
St. in New York City as especially dangerous,
according to his recent lawsuit to recover
expenses for a broken shoulder suffered in a fall.
Moskowitz claimed that so much gay male sex
was occurring in the shower and locker-room
area (unsupervised by Bally) that he had probably
slipped on semen.
Compelling Explanations
Lame: Rodger Kelly was arrested in
St. George, Utah, in June for rape of a female
neighbor, but he told police that he committed the
act only to “save” her, since he had discovered
her “cold” and unconscious. He had violated her
body only “to try and get her temperature up,”
according to the police report.
The low-price air carrier GoAir of New
Delhi announced in June that in the future it would
hire only females for the cabin crew -- because
they weigh less than men (and expects eventually
to save the equivalent of $4 million annually in
fuel based on average weights).
In May, former schoolteacher Kathleen
Cawthorne, 33, of Rustburg, Va., successfully
negotiated a reduction in her 11-year sentence for
having sex with an underage student. Cawthorne’s
punishment was set at only four months in prison
when she presented the judge with a clinical
diagnosis of “hypersexuality,” supposedly
showing that she had little ability to control her
desire to seduce the boy.
Fetishes on Parade
According to Chicago police, Gerardo
Perez, 50, broke away while on a tour in May of
the Chicago Animal Care and Control Facility
because he had been struck with a sexual
attraction. He was discovered minutes later on his
hands and knees beside a pit bull, “appearing to
have just had sex with the animal,” according to a
report on WMAQ-TV.
Shaun Orris, 41, was charged with
disorderly conduct in Waukesha, Wis., in June
after raising a ruckus outside the Montecito
Ristorante Lounge, harassing passersby by loudly
expressing his “constitutional right” to have sex
with goats.
A well-dressed, 5-foot-10 man bailed
out of an attempted robbery in May of a New
York City Bank of America when, after handing a
teller his holdup note, the woman panicked, began
screaming “Oh my God!” and ran to the other side
of the bank, diving under a counter. According to
a witness, the robber stood in silence for a few
seconds before fleeing.
Update
When last we checked on Wesley Warren
Jr., 49, of Las Vegas, he was delaying his inevitable
surgery to repair his permanently inflamed, 140pound scrotum (“scrotal lymphedema”). He said at
the time that he was enjoying the many television
and radio appearances discussing his plight and
that he feared becoming a nobody again after the
surgery. He has now had the 13-hour operation,
done pro bono by Dr. Joel Gelman of University
of California, Irvine, and will soon be walking
without hindrance, but his latest dissatisfaction,
he told a British TV show in June (reported by
The Sun), is that the surgery left him with a penis
about 1 inch long.
Send your Weird News to
WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com
or P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.
COPYRIGHT 2006
CHUCK SHEPHERD
DISTRIBUTED BY
UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE
4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111;
(816) 932-6600
THE VALLEY PLANET
The Dirty Swagger
by Kallie Ingle Kirk
A
hhhh....The Dirty Swagger....When I first crossed the paths of these weapons of mass destruction, it was in their hometown of Florence, Alabama where they were playing a show at Pegasus Records (proprietors of all things musical, from vinyl, cassette, CD and best of all, LIVE).
I was hooked immediately and purchased their 1st CD on the spot. Over the years, they have become
great friends and I was delighted for the opportunity to do an article on them. So, once again with my
sidekick, Sara Cunningham, armed & amazing with her Canon in tow, we set out to photograph and
document greatness at ye ole local music fave, Coppertop Dine and Dive. I sat and talked with the guys
while they made out their set list and Sara caught them live and in action on camera.
The Dirty Swagger was formed five years ago and is still made up of it’s original core members (with
the addition of a couple of “guest” back up singers, yours truly included, on occasion), despite the fact
that in their first interview they didn’t think they’d last a week.
Their decisions to pursue music were due largely to their influences, among whom they claim, KISS,
AC/DC, Black Sabbath, Guns and Roses, The Sex Pistols, Motorhead and just plain small town boredom. They felt everything they were hearing was so cliché and mundane, they were inspired to create
something raw and different. Thus, the birth of The Dirty Swagger.
As for the band’s name, they tell me they were Swagger before swag was cool and within a month,
suddenly EVERYONE from Old Spice to Ax body spray had swagger. Brad says the “dirty” swagger
is the gray area between confidence and cockiness...almost arrogant but pulling back before crossing
that line. After all, confidence is definitely a requirement to be a musician! To quote Kody, “We’ve been
accused of having an ego...”
Their song writing inspiration comes from “people who piss them off”, rock and roll and all that comes
with that territory.
Asked about best and worst shows, Brad said he had a feeling the show that night was going to be their
best show yet. Afterwards, he told me his feeling was spot on.
Amongst worst shows, they have the one dubbed “South American Idol audition, booed off stage”.
In this particular venue, between the lighting and Brad’s (former) stage prop, his aviator sunglasses,
Brad was unable to see to find his chords, which ignited an epic argument that nearly split the band
up. Thankfully, all that split up was Brad & his sunglasses (on stage anyway) and TDS continues their
“spectacular spectacle” rock and roll shows.
They define their genre as “raw gutter rock with an ultimate goal of world domination”. Brad says,
“Rock and roll has become the woe is me thing, overly sanitized and The Dirty Swagger is set on making it dirty and fun again. Going to a show should be a release, a relief from day to day life. No one
wants to go to a show to be reminded of the bad things going on in their lives, they want to go out and
forget about it, if only for a few hours.
The guys count Local Orbit, The Dirty Scavengers, An Abstract Theory, Chason Jason, The Wrong
Brothers, Lysteria, The Gentlemen Bastards, The Casket Kids, Corporate Sponsored Uprising and
Jack’s Remains among some of their local favorites but are quick to add that ALL of Huntsville’s bands
have always welcomed them and treated them like family and they always look forward to playing
here in town.
On the subject of digital vs. vinyl, Troy had an interesting thought. He feels rock fans will always
prefer their vinyl while pop fans will generally prefer digital.
Not fitting in the mainstream genre is one of the biggest obstacles TDS feel they face. Well, I don’t
know about you all, but the last thing I want to be is mainstream...so follow the TDS motto and “plug
in, tune up, destroy!”
Keep up with The Dirty Swagger via their FB page and listen to them via Reverbnation. Catch the
spectacle live on August 10th at 11th Frame Bar with The One Night Onlys and Point Of Sizzle. Just
get out and GO!!
The Dirty Swagger is: Brad “Blade” Osborn, lead vocals, guitar; Kody “Jackie Fury” Wyatt, drums;
Troy “Tony Thunder” Bunch, bass, backup vocals.
“The Conjuring”
by Bob Garver
W
hen I see horror movies in a theater,
one of my favorite moments is when
everybody screams and then everybody
laughs. Usually they’re laughing at each other
for screaming, and of course sometimes they’re
laughing at themselves for the same reason. This
happened at several points during The Conjuring,
and to be fair the scream/laughs are just as fun
here as with any other movie. But the problem
was that most of the time I didn’t scream. I didn’t
gasp. My eyes didn’t bulge. I skipped right over
all the parts where I should have been scared and
just laughed. I don’t say that as a macho brag (and
in fact I spent more time than I care to admit trying to cover various head holes), but to convey
that as a horror movie, The Conjuring is somewhat silly.
The film follows a team of paranormal investigators as they try to make sense of a rural family’s
haunted house. Ed and Lorraine Warren (Patrick
Wilson and Vera Farmiga) are brought in to help
Roger and Carolyn Perron (Ron Livingston and
Lili Taylor) when freaky things start happening
THE VALLEY PLANET
in their new home that terrify them and their five
kids. Some research shows that the house used
to belong to a devil worshipper who died under
unpleasant circumstances and since then many
people in the area have died under unpleasant
circumstances. The Perrons want to stay in the
house for financial reasons that seem trivial when
compared to death by demon. The Warrens do
what they can, but things get tricky when Carolyn
becomes possessed and their interference leads to
the haunting of their own home.
The scares are of the standard haunted house variety. Things move without being touched, mysterious bangs interrupt quiet scenes. We get glimpses
of unfriendly figures that the characters can’t see
and if they do see them they think it’s a bad dream.
One of the Perron children sleepwalks, another
has a friend that may be invisible but is by no
means imaginary. The Warrens keep the world’s
creepiest doll locked in a case in their home and
it’s inevitable that at some point the case is going
to be found empty. Unique to this film is a Perron Family game called “Hide and Clap” where a
blindfolded seeker follows the sound of clapping
to a mischievous hider. For purposes of this film,
the seeker can be led into a trap or they can follow
clapping to a place where there is no family mem-
#080113082113
Photos by Sara Cunningham, ExMachina Designs
ber to clap. You know it’s a tame horror film when
more than one of the key scare scenes revolves
around clapping.
The film’s R rating seems unfair. Yes, there’s
blood during an exorcism, and the house’s previous residents are either yucky or they had something yucky happen to them. But there’s very little
actual violence and the language never gets too
coarse despite the rising tensions. I don’t think a
teenager who can handle one of the nastier PG-13
horror movies won’t be able to handle this one. It
makes me wonder if the backers of this film didn’t
actually want the R rating. They’re sacrificing a
huge chunk of the teenage audience, but they’re
getting a crowd that wants something violent, a
crowd that will pay before they realize that the
film can’t deliver on what its rating implies.
The Conjuring isn’t a particularly effective horror
film. It keeps implying that something truly terrifying is right around the corner, but it’s almost
always a disappointment. This movie has been
done a hundred times before and it will be done
another dozen times before the year is through.
The Conjuring gets claps and creepy toys right
and that’s about it.
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
One and a Half Stars out of Five.
The Conjuring is rated R for sequences of disturbing violence and terror. Its running time is
112 minutes.
Contact Bob Garver at rrg251@nyu.edu.
9
LOVEBUFFET.COM
Zee’s Rocket City bEAT
A
B
by Brady Thomas
by Jim Zieliński
fter years of false starts, false steps and various levels of failure at both, I have decided to take
the plunge and enter the new century. Having always been somewhat technically challenged, I
figured it was high time to get with it and avail myself of the numerous new vehicles out there
by which to find true love or, barring that, companionship that doesn’t charge by the hour.
ig news over at Schnitzel Ranch [1851 University Drive, NW; (256) 535-0840; Facebook], where
they recently celebrated a fifth anniversary…more menu additions: a
$6.95 beer sampler lets you savor all the
beers on the menu; there’s a 3-Liter (102ounce) “Championbeer” option, for those
in competitive mode (don’t worry, there’s
also a ladies’ competition); and Tuesday is
“Beer Special Night,” allowing discounted
refills (even on future Tuesdays) for those
purchasing a beer glass (even a 2-Liter
Beer Boot!). I’ll report on the new bread
menu, once I’ve actually seen it.
Beer Sampler “In Progress”:  Schnitzel Ranch
There’s also a private side room with a big flat-screen TV for business meetings, game parties, and the
like (it’s even hosted wedding receptions) and delivery service through GrubSouth [www.grubsouth.
com]. Furthermore, the Huntsville Award Program bestowed a “Best German Restaurant” award on
them for 2013, and the ranch also received a 2012 “Top-Rated Restaurant” certificate from Restaurant.
com. PROSIT!
It was with a fair degree of trepidation that I signed up for a dating site online with the thought in mind
“Hey, how bad can it be?” You may see where this is going but let me get to the gist of it. In my lonely,
middle aged, paunchy state, women have not been exactly throwing themselves at me on the beach,
you know? I took my head out of the oven (one of the more seemly devices of an early demise I had
the stomach for) and went to the site.
Let me begin by saying that writing a profile on a dating site is, in and of itself, fraught with various
levels of peril. My fidelity to truth never being one of my strong suits on the regular singles scene,
I took some poetic license. How would you best describe a “slightly overweight, underemployed,
middle aged man whose retirement account wouldn’t cover the down payment on a decent set of tires
at Sears? The word “loser” comes to mind. Obviously you can’t put those things on what is essentially
an advertisement for your “product” as this is a sales job and your calling card has to have something to
grab the attention of the lovely, albeit unsuspecting maidens who are searching for love there as well.
This in mind I began thusly; Single white male, Athletic body (bowling IS a sport), Financially able
(you never add the rest of that one, which is “to declare Bankruptcy”), Excellent health (after all, what
woman would reply to the truth which is “Has the health of a 79 year old diabetic with recurring tuberculosis”?). I was hitting my stride now…Rugged good looks (if you consider that as a man who hasn’t
sobered up enough in the last month to shave), Enjoys long walks on the beach (to pick up cans so as to
supplement my meager income). Finally the most important part. What am I looking for in love? Looking for a lady (using that term fairly loosely here), Financially secure (can support me), Emotionally
healthy or at least in therapy (you’re gonna need it), Enjoys the finer things in life (I prefer someone
with a nice wine cellar or who at least keeps 2 boxes of wine chilled at all times).
That about sums it up. I am looking for a lady seeking the man I described.
Here’s something we haven’t seen for a while: from 10:00 a m. till 8:00 p m. on Saturday, 10 August,
you can enjoy the India Festival at Madison [(256) 882-1921; www.indiafestmadison.com; madison.
indiafest@gmail.com] at Bob Jones High School [650 Hughes Road, Madison]. The entry fee is a mere
five-spot (for six years and up; don’t haggle) and, in addition to Indian delectables – always a prime
reason for attendance – you can enjoy Bollywood Zumba - one of the zestiest collaborations since
caffeine and uppers - Fashion Shows, Yoga and Meditation Seminars (for those who fear Bollywood
Zumba), a Bazaar, and more.
Foods include names familiar to those with even cursory Indian experience (e.g. Masala Chai, Chicken
Tikka Masala, Pakora, Samosa, Raita), and others such as Vada Paav (a spicy vegetarian fast food;
State of Maharashtra); Kala Channa Chaat; and Dal Makhani (a Black Lentil-based dish; Punjab Region). In short, time for you to hit up Google.
I think it could turn into a truly beautiful relationship; at least until we meet face to face.
Five-Star Food
over a Three-Foot
Counter - Chef
Will the Palate
by Jim Zieliński
Lowe Mill Parking Area
2211 Seminole Drive, SW
Huntsville, AL 35805
(256) 617-6052
chefwill65@hotmail.com
www.chefwill.yolasite.com
Facebook
I
n its quest for sustenance, even the carnivore with
the most well-kempt of canines will periodically
savage the Plant Kingdom, whether beheading a
cabbage, cutting out a carrot’s eyes, or gnawing an
ear of corn with Tysonian gusto.
So consider investigating a vegetarian-friendly
establishment; your body won’t mind a bit and, in
fact, will probably thank you. Case in point: Chef
Will the Palate, located in a quasi-mobile unit
anchored in the parking area of venerable Lowe
Mill.
Upon first glance at this giant breadbox, zealously
guarded from its water tower perch by Connie
Ulrich’s most mammoth metallic fly, you may think
your surroundings ramshackle and your upcoming
experience “fast-foody.” But a sit-down with the
chef, where he discusses…
• supplanting salt with, say, chili and garlic
• the use of spring water as a basis for his soups,
stocks, and rice
• the benefits of avocados’ omega-3 oils
• the taste/nutritional differences in dried vis-à-vis
canned beans
• a veggie-centric menu that also addresses celiac/
gluten issues
• dietetics, the science/art of applying the principles
of nutrition to the diet
…will clarify how a person could actually endeavor
to present, and succeed in presenting, 5-Star food
over a 3-foot counter. Chef Will’s “aura” is only
bolstered by the taste - and presentation - of said
food, itself.
That offstage stage presence can be attributed to
his dabbling in things from the metallurgical arts
to culinary schooling, mixed with work in San
10
Now appears a new one on me: the 4th Annual Ukraine Independence Day Party, to be held at noon
on Saturday, 24 August at Birmingham’s Crestway Baptist Church [6400 Crestwood Boulevard; (205)
595-2629/3751]. They reach out not only to those of Ukrainian descent, but also to those interested
in the cultural, historical, or professional side of the country. It’s a potluck, with people particularly
encouraged to bring Ukrainian dishes, while the Sister Cities [www.birminghamsistercities.com] will
provide beverages. Interested? RSVP to Sister Cities Director Scotty Colson at (205) 254-2317 or by
e-mailing rscolso@ci.birmingham.al.us.
Oygen Banks has nabbed a barista post at Grounded Coffee [12120 County Line Road, Suite C; (256)
258-9637; www.thegroundedcafe.com], located across from the Publix/Village Shoppes of Madison.
Their fare includes java, natch, but also ten varieties of Rishi Organic Tea [www rishi-tea.com], Hot
Chocolate, French Stirs, Homemade Muffins for brekkie, and more, including Chai, one of my faves.
As you may already have noted, “chai” is several countries’ word for “tea.” So remember, “Chai Tea”
is “Tea Tea.” Stop already.
Diego, New Orleans, an Italian family restaurant,
and the Redstone Officers’ Club. We’ve even
spoken (without realizing it) at AAMU’s Annual
Cultural/Food Festival…where he sold me a bar or
two of goat milk soap.
Madison’s Chris and Katie Moore opened the shop because they “are driven to serve and encourage.”
Moreover, their motto is “pour into people who pour into cups,” which is to say, they endeavor to attend
not only to the needs of their loyal customers but also to those of their staff, making the workplace an
enjoyable, rewarding experience. Would that said theory caught on elsewhere. More to come.
In 2010, he brought his skills, belief system, and
homegrown herbs to the location where Happy
Tummy once held sway, prior to their exodus
indoors. The response, to say the least, has been
positive.
Yet another new stop for Rocket City Locavores: the Farmers’ Market at Meridianville (First Baptist
Church) [175 Monroe Road; www.tuesdayfarmersmarket.com; tuesdaymarketmeridianville@gmail.
com opened on 4 June. Still a newbie, this market runs Tuesdays from 4:00 – 7:00 p.m. So if that’s
your day and Latham is out of your way, consider Meridianville. If you’re curious and budget time
wisely, go to both. Time it to avoid Memorial Parkway from 4:00 – 5:30.
Friends Frances Criswell and Nathaniel Sprague
both love it…Nathan and I ran into one another near
the mill’s former loading dock, which offers a unique
twist on typical patio dining - a hybridization of
sidewalk café and picnic grounds, with a bodacious
mountain view and appropriate environmental
accommodations to stave off both sweltering and
nippy temps.
Even as you read this, Finnegan’s Pub [3310 Memorial Parkway, SW], the brainchild of the late Ellen
McAnelly, sits closed. Said decades-long habitué Becky Snyder, “I don’t know where I’m going to go.
This has been home for a long, long time…because of the bartenders…as a single woman, you could
come in here and feel safe…” What will happen to lovers of Irish pub grub and the St. Patrick’s Day
Parade? Well, we don’t know. I got my Irish Coffee, talked a while, and moved on.
Chef Will’s menu is influenced by family traditions
and the South, as well as his dedication to locavorism
and, though not necessarily flaunted, the “Slow Food
Movement,” which bonds the pleasure of our eats to
a commitment to our community and environment.
Or more to the point, per USA Today, “Slow Food
aims to be everything fast food is not.”
When you scrutinize the menu, and online comments
thereupon, you’ll note a plethora of entrées and sides
that other eateries might deem “exotic,” such as Curry
Quinoa Lettuce Wraps, Blackened Edamame Bean
Salad, Gluten-free Chips with Flaxseed, Blackened
Tofu, and Jasmine or Red Indian Rice. That’s part of
the draw. That and a willingness to shade the costprohibitive term “cuisine” with everyday ambience
and pricing.
A top seller among his offerings (and might I add,
JUSTIFIABLY SO) is the “Portobello Steak and
Cheese Sandwich.” I eschewed the onions but they,
along with red bell pepper, four cheeses, and a large,
beefy mushroom nestle atop two chunky slices of
FredBread.
The surprising aspect of this mélange? There’s no
actual steak…and I didn’t care. Neither did Nathan.
Will we forever lose its “personality”? After all, one finds bar after bar that predominately distinguish
themselves by having a different name on their door. And what about Nancy Pendegraph? It won’t
seem the same singing “Danny Boy” in the Hollywood 18 parking lot.
And I’ve asked. Baileys-soaked Raisinets are right out.
By the by, those four cheeses, Cheddar, Asiago,
Mozzarella, and Jack, were incredible together. Add
to that the wonderfully thick, truly fruity MangoStrawberry puree I sampled and you have that rara
avis: good food that’s good for you. Even his
comparatively basic Roma Tomato, Garlic, Basil and
Three-Cheese Brochette is a nutritionist’s dream.
Now, particularly on busy days,
prepare to wait. If you’re in a
hurry, you should probably call
ahead and perhaps consider a
to-go order. Since Chef Will is
not into fast food, why would one
expect him to serve it?
What he does must rain
benevolence upon your taste buds,
area farmers, and the globe. That,
and he’s more or less a one-man
show. That can be daunting, but
#080113082113
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
he perseveres, up to and including taking his show
on the road, or hosting groups mill-side, in order to
share both his knowledge and thirst for it.
The chef’s menu is ever evolving. As we conversed,
and I munched, I couldn’t help but notice he jotted
down a few notes as I extolled the potential virtues
of a BLT wherein the “T” was a fried green tomato.
If and when it makes
its Flying Monkey
debut, you’ll have to
thank us both.
Hours: Tuesday
– Thursday &
Saturday, Noon
– 6:00 p m. Fridays,
Noon – 8:00 p m
THE VALLEY PLANET
Artist Showcase:
Homage
to O’Keeffe
by Terri French
“When you take a flower in your hand and really look at it, it’s your world for a moment. . .”
Georgia O’Keeffe
T
hree area artists are paying homage to the
work of Georgia O’Keeffe now through
September 7 at Lowe Mill’s third floor
gallery. Interpretations II Art Show: Homage
to O’Keeffe presents the work of Anna Braden,
Sherry Jacks and Connie Boussom as they interpret 13 photographs of flowers - such as sunflowers, morning glories, iris and amaryllis - on canvas in their own uniquely creative styles.
O’Keeffe, best known for her sensual depictions
of flowers and stark desert landscapes was born
in Wisconsin in 1887. She trained at the Art Institute in Chicago and the Art Students League
in New York. She began her large scale flower
paintings around 1924 and focused on them for
decades. O’Keeffe made northern New Mexico
her permanent home in 1949 and died in 1986 at
the age of 98.
“When Connie Boussom suggested that the subject of our next show pay homage
to Georgia O’Keeffe, I was ecstatic.
I frantically searched through my
O’Keeffe books, that I have been
collecting for over 30 years, focusing on her flower paintings,” says
Jacks, who lives in Hazel Green.
She works in oil, pastel, graphite
and colored pencil. Her paintings
focus on the close-up details of the
individual flowers.
paintings that delicately play with shadow and
light.
“Rather than copy O’Keeffe’s abstraction of the
flower, I strove to capture their personalities,”
says Boussom, “Some are clowns, some are elegant ladies, while others glow from the inside.”
Anna Braden, a self-taught artist, from Madison,
uses bright acrylics for her bold, whimsical renditions.
“In 2011, I traveled to Abiquiu, New Mexico and
toured Georgia O’Keeffe’s home and studio. I
also visited Ghost Ranch where (she) spent her
summers painting and I saw the mesa where her
ashes were sprinkled.”
All thirty-nine paintings are for sale and can be
picked up at the show’s conclusion. Photos of
the paintings can be seen on the event’s Facebook
page at
www.facebook.com/InterpretationsIIArtShowHomageToOKeeffe.
An Opening Reception for the show will be held
Friday, August 2 from 6 - 8 pm, with music by
professional saxophonist, Sal Sciacchitano.
Lowe Mill hours are Wednesday - Thursday 12 - 6
pm, Friday 12 - 8 pm, and Saturday 12 - 6 pm.
Neil Young and Crazy Horse “Psychedelic Pill”
I
must confess that it took a long time for me
to truly appreciate Neil Young. For years, I
considered him that no-singing weirdo who
yodeled along while Crosby, Stills and Nash sang
like angels.
It wasn’t that I didn’t like him, but I figured the
only use CSN had for him was his remarkable
songwriting ability and that unmistakable guitar
sound. Like Joe Walsh and a few others you know
who is playing from the first sounds of their style.
Additionally, Young’s voice is unmistakable and
the old guy has learned to sing better or it’s grown
on me like a fungus over the years.
I found many of his works interesting but didn’t
realize exactly how powerful his songwriting
abilities were until I heard Gov t Mule’s version
of “Cortez The Killer” and noted that it was a Neil
Young cover.
I did take note that many of the grunge bands
were thrilled to have Young play with them even
as they threw rocks at most of the old farts from
the old days.
Rolling Stone magazine, the bible of rock, printed
this amazing review of “Psychedelic Pill.” Editor
David Fricke wrote this excerpt in October 2012:
“For Neil Young, the Sixties never ended. The
music, memories and changes haunt his best
songs and records like bittersweet perfume: vital,
endlessly renewing inspirations that are also constant, enraging reminders of promises broken and
ideals betrayed. In “Twisted Road,” one of eight
Connie Boussom, of Lillian, Alabama, uses oils for her realistic
Announcing ...
new songs sprawled across this turbulent two-CD
set, Young recalls, in a brilliantly mixed metaphor, the first time he heard Bob Dylan’s “Like
a Rolling Stone”: “Poetry rolling off his tongue/
Like Hank Williams chewing bubble gum.” And
Young tells you what he did with the impact. “I
felt that magic and took it home/Gave it a twist
and made it mine,” he sings over Crazy Horse’s
rough-country swagger, as if the marvel of that
time and his dreams are still close enough to
touch.
“So are the mess and his dismay. Psychedelic Pill
is Young’s second album of 2012 with the Horse,
his perfectly unpolished garage band of 43 years,
and it has the roiling honesty and brutal exuberance of their best records together.”
Amen, Sir David. This double CD has only 8
songs, but with extended jams runs almost 90
minutes. I, for one think it wasn’t long enough.
For Young fans and the young fans to come this is
a must-have CD – and listen to the lyrics and realize just how shallow the “moon and June” lyrics
are in much of today’s music.
Disc 1:
Driftin’ Back / Psychedelic Pill
Ramada Inn / Born In Ontari
Disc: 2
Psychedelic Pill (Alt. Take) / Twisted Road
She’s Always Dancing / For The Love Of Man
Walk Like A Giant / Psychedelic Pill (Alt. Take)
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However, if you want these kind of results, you need to act right now before this opportunity passes by. Why the
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256-469-6181
irontribe101.com
THE VALLEY PLANET
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#080113082113
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
11
in Historic Downtown
DECATUR
Monday Night is
Family Night!
Wednesday Night
Live Music!
Daily
Lunch
Specials
36
BEERS
ON TAP
Drink
Specials
e
r
Groovy A
e
tm os p h
Thursday, August 1
AMERICAN LEGION POST 237, Karaoke
BANDITO BURRITO (MADISON), Marge
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Dave Anderson
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.13), Bike Night w/Tim
Cannon
FRATERNAL ORDER OG EAGLES (DECATUR),
Karaoke
GLASS’S COCKTAILS & GRILL (DECATUR), Karaoke
w/ Lewis
GUADALAJARA (DECATUR), Karaoke w/ DJ
Jammin Jeff
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Daniel Jones
HICKORY HOUSE, Karaoke
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke
HOPPER’S, Karaoke w/ DJ Tara
JEFFERSON STREET PUB, Sean Rivers
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, Dave Anderson
KNIGHT MOVES, Karaoke w/ DJ Jammin Jim
KNUCKELHEADS, The One Night Onlys
LEE ANN’S, Lamar Phillips and Nick Dixson
LONE GOOSE, Traci-Traci’s Acoustic Communion
MOODY MONDAYS, Ladies Night Karaoke w/ Terri
“Sweet T” 
OLIVIA’S BAR AND GRILL, Karaoke
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/ Amber
SAMMY T’S MUSIC HALL, DJ Keibot and DJ Blin
SPORTS PAGE, 5ive O’clock Charlie
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Jeff & Amanda
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Trey Morgan
THE STATION, Live Music/DJ/ Karaoke
THE STEM AND STEIN, Tim McNary
VILLAGE PIZZA (DOWNTOWN ATHENS), Barry Kay
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Open Mic Night
Friday, August 2
AMENDMENT XXI, Drew Richter
AMERICAN LEGION POST 176, The Mersey Band
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Silverstreak
BISHOP’S EAST SIDE, Blackbird
COFFEETREE BOOKS & BREW (SEE AD PG.6),
Robert Barnes
COPPERTOP, SEPO, The Dirty Scavengers, the
Casket Kids
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.13), Donnie Miller & Rude
Awakening
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
FRATERNAL ORDER OF EAGLES (DECATUR),
Karaoke
FURNITURE FACTORY, Black Eyed Susan
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), 7ft Clearance
HOPPER’S, DJ T-Bop
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Johnny Neel
JEFFERSON STREET PUB, Kyle Wilson
LEE ANN’S, Blue Handel Band
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke
LONE GOOSE, Houis Louis
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke w/ “Todd-smack”
Phillips
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Diamond Dolls w/ DJ
Bishop Baker
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Rollin’ in the Hay
THE FOYER, Wanda Wesolowski
THE STEM AND STEIN, Seducing Alice
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Seducing Alice
Saturday, August 3
AMENDMENT XXI, DJ E-lyte
AMERICAN LEGION POST 176, The Mersey Band/
Karaoke
BANDITO BURRITO (MADISON), Blackbird
COFFEETREE BOOKS & BREW (SEE AD PG.6), Open
Mic Night
COPPERTOP, The Misery Jackals, Johnny Bad Touch
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.13), Driven Under
ELK’S LODGE, Karaoke
FLYING MONKEY, Side Street Steppers
FRATERNAL ORDER OF EAGLES (DECATUR), Square
One Band
FRATERNAL ORDER OF EAGLES (HUNTSVILLE),
Tequila Falls
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Booty Shakers
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Legend Band
HOPPER’S, Chop Daddy
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Unknown Lyric Band
IMPROV, Twickenham Jazz Orchestra
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, Hot Rod Otis
12
#080113082113
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
LONE GOOSE, Marge Loveday
MAC’S SPORTSBAR AND STEAKHOUSE (ATHENS),
Lehr 7
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke w/ Mac Lawrence
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Pioneer Chicken Stand
THE STEM AND STEIN, Jim Cavender
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Local Orbit
Sunday, August 4
COPPERTOP, Alabama God Damn
Karaoke
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, Sunday Blues Jam
hosted by Freddy Earl and the Blues Mercenaries
MOODY MONDAYS, Thad & Co.
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/ DJ
Brandon Mac
Monday, August 5
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Robby Eichman
COPPERTOP, Karaoke with DJ Wes
SPORTS PAGE, Dave Anderson
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Open DJ Night
Tuesday, August 6
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Josh Allison
BELOW THE RADAR, Matt Carroll
FURNITURE FACTORY, Karaoke w/ Lou Walker
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, Charlie Howell
LEE ANN’S, O’Dell Johnson Duo
LISA’S LOUNGE, Bike Night w/ Thad Co.
Karaoke w/ Blondie
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Retro Vinyl Spin
SPORTS PAGE, Chelvis and the Bean
THE STATION, Karaoke w/ Jim McGriff
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Dave Anderson
Wednesday, August 7
3RD BASE GRILL, Tim Cannon
AMENDMENT XXI, Karaoke
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Noel Webster
BROKEN CLOCK GASTROPUB, Matt Carroll
Songwriter’s Jam
w/ Lewis
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Donnie Cox
IMPROV, Jazz Café and Poetry
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, Andrew Sharp
KNIGHT MOVES, Bike Night
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, Brian & Geoff
LONE GOOSE, Jonathan Byham
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Diamondettes w/ DJ Derek
SPORTS PAGE, Trivia w/ Doc/ Marsha Morgan
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Ahead of the Wake
THE FOYER, Open Mic
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Tongue Lash
Thursday, August 8
AMENDMENT XXI, Jazz Jam
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.13), Bike Night w/Tony
Patterson
Karaoke
w/ Lewis
Jammin Jeff
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Geoff and Bryan
JEFFERSON STREET PUB, Tim Cannon
“Sweet T” 
MUSIC cont. on pg. 13
THE VALLEY PLANET
SCHAEFFER
EYE
CENTER
& Catering
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FEATURING:
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d
MUSIC cont. from pg. 12
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Dusty French
THE STEM AND STEIN, Alex Dietrich
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Open Mic
Friday, August 9
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Tangled String
BISHOP’S EAST SIDE, Blue Handel Band
Wayne Gamwell
COPPERTOP, Mike & Jonathan of Liquor Store
Orphans Duo Blue/Rock Attacks
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.13), Locked and Loaded
EARTH FARE, Open Mic
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
Karaoke
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Kings Haze
HOPPER’S, Space Donkeys
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Gypsy Slim
JEFFERSON STREET PUB, Swinging Dixie
KNIGHT MOVES, 7’ Clearance
KNUCKELHEADS, Peter Moon Band
LEE ANN’S, Groove
LONE GOOSE, Fatso
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke w/
“Todd-smack” Phillips
Bishop Baker
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Plato Jones
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Andrew Pope
THE FOYER, MaryJustice & Matt Morrow
THE STEM AND STEIN, Jonathon Laird
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL,
Dawn Osborne Band
Saturday, August 10
Karaoke
BANDITO BURRITO (MADISON), 7’ Clearance
Mic Night
COPPERTOP, Rising from Ruin, Chronic Furry, Liberty
in Embers, Iraconji
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.13), Fuzzy Gouda
One Band
Tequila Falls
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), 4 on the Floor
HOPPER’S, Crush
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Gypsy Slim
IMPROV, Kelly O’Neal and the KAYOBAND
JEFFERSON STREET PUB, Tyler & Carter
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, Under Cover
LONE GOOSE, The Dozens
Alton Thrasher Band
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Pride of Kings
SAMMY T’S MUSIC HALL, The World Famous
Chippendale’s
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Vegabonds
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Wet Bandits
THE STEM AND STEIN, Ryan Holder
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Toy Shop
THE VALLEY PLANET
WAYNE MILLS & TRAILER
THE DIXIE COCKS CHOIR
UNCLE KRACKER
JAMEY
JOHNSON
BUY TICKETS HERE!
OR
AT
dtsummerfest.com
Sunday, August 11
COPPERTOP, Sam Mcleroy and The Jackie
Myers Band
Karaoke
Brandon Mac
Monday, August 12
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Open DJ Night
Tuesday, August 13
FURNITURE FACTORY, Karaoke w/ Lou Walker
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, Marge Loveday
Karaoke w/ Blondie
SPORTSPAGE, Chelvis and the Bean
Wednesday, August 13
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Microwave Dave
Songwriter’s Jam
w/ Lewis
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Chris Roche
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, Driven Under
LONE GOOSE, Jonathan Carter
SPORTSPAGE, Trivia w/ Doc/Marsha Morgan
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Jason Speegle
THE FOYER, Open Mic
Tongue Lash
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Thursday, August 14
COPPERTOP, Steven Massey
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.13), Bike Night w/ Jeff and
Amanda
Karaoke
w/ Lewis
Jammin Jeff
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Noel Webster
KNUCKELHEADS, Chopdaddy and the Rock
City Machine
LEE ANN’S, The Real Deal
“Sweet T”
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Blagburn
THE STEM AND STEIN, Alyssa Jaycee
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Open Mic
Friday, August 15
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Red Headed Step Child
Codger and Sons
COPPERTOP, Ugly Houses
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.13), John Murph
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
Karaoke
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Black Eyed Susan
HOPPER’S, Groove
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Microwave Dave and
the Nukes
JEFFERSON STREET PUB, Swinging Dixie
LEE ANN’S, Kozmic Mama
MUSIC cont. on pg. 15
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
13
Smooth Cruisin’ Endless Highway –
Jazz at Three Caves with Tom Braxton
by Marti Bolig with Photos by Marti Bolig
B
ack by popular demand, Texas native Tom Braxton “...
one of the most respected and loved sax men in Smooth
Jazz,” SmoothJazz.com, helmed the last show, July
13th, in the 8th Annual “Concerts at Three Caves,” benefiting
the Land Trust of North Alabama.
Opening with Endless Highway, Braxton quickly emerged as
a beloved artist. He clearly feels the music in his soul, easily
engaging his sidemen with soaring tenor sax. Extended
solos featured Norris Jones, lead; Brandon Pair, on stunning
electric green drums, and Joseph Stallworth, on keys.  Our
Huntsville music pros “did us proud”! Coloradoan Vernon Barbary enjoyed showcasing his fivestring Fender bass.
Crediting the musical magic to “show-stopping barbeque” the band enjoyed pre-concert, Braxton
convinced us to clap and sing along during Soul Purpose. Stallworth’s spacey keys and Norris’ solo
echo soared, to dreamy effect, as we were treated to Stevie Wonder’s I Can’t Help It.
Ian’s Song, a tribute to Mr. Braxton’s son, grew from soulful, laid-back sax to a hot, wild duet with
Jones’ fiery lead, bringing the crowd to its feet! 
Open Road was a smooth ride; then Braxton treated us to some feel-good stomp n’
shuffle - Steely Dan’s, Peg.
Bossa Nova Kaanapali Beach came to a
full stop, then re-ignited in a blazing electric
conversation between Tom’s sax and Pair’s
flawless percussion. Muscular, melodic
“lead bass” rewarded us with Escape! Barbary’s swaggering presence brought him a
legion of fans as Braxton modestly allowed
the bass master to take center stage.
During Jeff Lorber’s Fusion Tune 88, I
clearly heard Braxton’s sax singing “We’re
Not Gonna Stop Now!” 
A groovin’ tribute to Wayman Tisdale, That
Wayman Smile, earned another standing
ovation, signaling the end of an electrifying extravaganza. 
We fervently hope Tom Braxton returns to
Three Caves next year!
You can find Tom Braxton at http://www.tombraxton.com.
Bill Wilson (1929-2013): An Icon for a
Life Fully Lived
by Bonnie Roberts
W
hen Huntsville lost Bill Wilson in July, we lost a whole «conglomerate» of Bills in one
tall, kind, unassuming friend. Some of his monikers: “Renaissance Man,” “Wild Bill,”
“bohemian redneck poet,” “mentor,” “father,” “grandfather,” “caver,” “old hippie,” “cryptographer,” “subtle satirist,” “computer programmer-analyst,” “inventor of cryptographs,” “storyteller,” “multi-lingual speaker,” “mobile-maker,” “songwriter,” “musician,” and “alleged thief of dinner
plates” as “award-winning maker of pique assiettes.” However, the whole Bill Wilson was far more
than the sum of his parts, much like his own pique assiette art.
William Hudson Wilson, born in 1929 in Indiana, spent his youth in Memphis, and migrated in 1959 to
Huntsville to work on the Arsenal in the hey-day of Wernher von Braun. Bill was one of the first 1000
computer programmers - in the world! He retired from database and security work in 1990, however,
to follow his creative loves: writing, music, and mosaic art.
Part of the beauty of Bill’s poetry is the musical quality of his voice. Fortunately, we can still hear
that voice on WLRH, Writer’s Corner - www.podcast.de/episode/198558048/Bill%2Wilson - where he
reads his 2006 poem “When I Lie Dying.” In the sonorous music of his words that invoke a mythic
South, Bill speaks about the comforting, soft tones of elderly southern women and their “ancient vestal
conversations, as interminable as life itself.”
Friends from the Huntsville Literary Association have such good words for their “Amazing Mr. Wilson”
who made writing workshops “much richer,” says Rebecca Harbor Jones.
James Robinson - “Bill Wilson was amazingly intelligent and a member of MENSA.  His knowledge
and interests extended from language, the arts and humanities, and through the hard sciences.  He once
described himself as ‘one of the original computer nerds.’ He was certainly no ‘nerd’ to those of us
who knew him.  His wit was an endless stew of relationships, connections, observations, comparisons,
and puns, which seemed to endlessly pop into his head. Bill was politely respectful of the religious
affiliations of others though somewhat suspect of religion in general; however, he said he owed much
to the Catholic education he received in his youth at Christian Brothers in Memphis. He often spoke to
Guadalupe and me in the Spanish he had learned in high school.  At a fairly-recent artist gathering, Bill
opened the evening by playing the recorder.”
Monita Soni - “Bill is not among us, but in the company of his favorite ‘Blue God’ Shiva. In sync with
Creation.”
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Virginia Gilbert--”He was an honest man, serious
about his art. He was also full of surprises. I
always got a chuckle over his writing the lyrics
to ‘The Battle Hymn of Lt. Calley.’ I don’t think
the song went over the way he had expected it
to, but it was quite a success.  I first knew him
as a poet, then I learned he wrote science fiction,
then I found out that his daughter Emily did this
fantastic artwork, and after that I saw Bill doing
fantastical artwork.”
Bill often collaborated with poet Georgette Perry;
and he was a longtime friend of Michael Smith
and the Poetry and Jazz Society of Huntsville. So
many names important to Bill are not mentioned
here, simply because of lack of space.
Bill reminded me a bit of Mark Twain, who said,
“A man who lives fully is prepared to die any
time.” Bill Wilson, 84, surrounded by his children
and grandchildren, was a man prepared to die. He
was an icon for a life fully lived.
We just aren’t fully prepared to let him go.
But journey mercies, Bill, as you travel your
“Luminiferous Aether” or play the fiddle with Old
Bookem, like two mockingbirds “found” in the
treetops. Something does survive “in the music,
ownerless/and indelible . . .”
Bill’s many talents aside - we enjoyed his observant,
witty, accepting, and life-loving presence.
To listen to Bill read another poem, you can visit
Deep Fried Kudzu, www.deepfriedkudzu.com,
where you can also view his prize-winning pique
assiettes at a Monte Sano Art Show. You will also
glimpse the man himself; see and hear him read
one of my favorite poems, “Old Bookem”; and
witness his genuine humility.
Michael Smith aptly notes this humility - “His
poem, ‘Nowhere an Everlasting,’ was a concession
to the fact that no one leaves a permanent legacy.
It was Bill’s bittersweet release of ego and
ambition.”
We must remind ourselves that the people who
make our lives the richest will not always be here.
I wish I had told Bill how his face, the respect
he showed me, and his poetry made my life more
joyful and of greater depth.
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
Photo of Bill Wilson’s mosaic chair from :
www.magicstream.org/williamjwilson.html.  
THE VALLEY PLANET
events cont. from pg. 13
LONE GOOSE, Moon Pi
Trey and Dog
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke w/ “Todd-smack”
Phillips
Bishop Baker
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Kush
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Kenny and Couch
THE STEM AND STEIN, Tim Cannon
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL,
5ive O’clock Charlie
Saturday, August 16
Karaoke
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Marge and Katie
Mic Night
COPPERTOP, Corporate Sponsored Uprising, Far
From Friends
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.13), Slade Sovereign
One Band
Tequila Falls
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Straight Forward
HOPPER’S, Kozmic Mama
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Black Hole Drifters
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, Big 40
LONE GOOSE, Cousin Boogie
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, Ladies of Disillusion
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Toy Shop
THE STEM AND STEIN, Drew Richter
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Fistful of Beard w/
Those Crosstown Rivals, Todd Farrell
Sunday, August 17
Karaoke
Brandon Mac
Monday, August 18
Tuesday, August 19
FURNITURE FACTORY, Karaoke with Lou Walker
KAFFEEKLATSCH @ NIGHT, Charlie Howell
Karaoke w/ Blondie
SPORTS PAGE, Chelvis and the Bean
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Microwave Dave
Songwriter’s Jam
w/ Lewis
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Carla & Mike
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, Love Child
LONE GOOSE, Jonathan Byham
SPORTS PAGE, Trivia w/ Doc/Marsha Morgan
THE FOYER, Open Mic
Tongue Lash
Thursday, August 21
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.13), Bike Night w/
Travis Posey
Karaoke
w/ Lewis
GUADALAJARA (DECATUR), Karaoke w/
DJ Jammin Jeff
THE VALLEY PLANET
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Geoff and Bryan
IMPROV, DJ Marc Lacy
“Sweet T” 
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Michael & Adam
THE STEM AND STEIN, Colin & Kip
VOODOO LOUNGE BAR & GRILL, Open Mic Night
Friday, August 22
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Bourbon & Shamrocks
Showcase Performer
COPPERTOP, Motel Ice Machine
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.13), Big Daddy Kingfish
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
Karaoke
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Kozmic Mama
HOPPER’S, Pla Station
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Undefined
JEFFERSON STREET PUB, Greg Shirley
LEE ANN’S, The Breakers
LONE GOOSE, Liquid Caravan
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke w/
“Todd-smack” Phillips
Bishop Baker
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Josh Allison
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Kenny and Couch
THE FOYER, Boner Black
THE STEM AND STEIN, Brent Morgan
Saturday, August 23
Karaoke
Mic Night
COPPERTOP, Liberty In Embers, Jack’s Remains, and
the Wrong Brothers
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.13), Cutting Loose
One Band
Tequila Falls
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Wheelers
HOPPER’S, Pla Station
HUMPHREY’S BAR &GRILL, Milele Roots
JEFFERSON STREET PUB, Jeff and Jordon
KNUCKELHEADS, Chopdaddy and the Rock City
Machine
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEE ANN’S, Tom Cat and Bark the Dog
LONE GOOSE, The Robertson’s
PARTNER’S BAR & GRILL, The Glamour Girls
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Chocolate Cracker
THE STEM AND STEIN, Alyssa Jaycee
REGIONAL CONCERTS
ATLANTA
August 1, Ludacris, The Tabernacle
August 3, Matchbox 20 and The Goo Goo Dolls, Aaron’s Amphitheatre
August 3, Kenny Chesney Zac Brown Band and Eli Young, The Georgia Dome
August 4, Jonas Brothers Tour, Chastain Park Amphitheatre
August 6, Adam Ant, Center Stage Theatre
August 9, Mary Chapin & Shawn Colvin, Atlanta Botanical Garden
August 10, Justin Bieber, Philips Arena
August 10, Flashback Festival, Aaron’s Amphitheatre
August 10, Smash Mouth, Sugar Ray, Gin Blossoms, & more, Chastain Amphitheatre
August 10, Bruce Hornsby and the Noisemakers w/ Railroad Earth, Atlanta Botanical Garden
August 14, Jimmy Eat World, Center Stage Theatre
August 15, One Republic, Chastain Amphitheatre
August 21, Big Head Todd & The Monsters, Soul Asylum, The Wailers, Matthew Sweet,
Chastain Park Amphitheatre
August 22, The Backstreet Boys, Chastain Park Amphitheatre
BIRMINGHAM
August 2, Matchbox 20 and The Goo Goo Dolls, Oak Mountain Amphitheatre
August 22, Keith Urban, Oak Mountain Amphitheatre
August 25, Fantasia, BJCC Concert Hall
HUNTSVILLE
August 7, Kathy Griffin, VBC Concert Hall
August 9, Jim Parker’s Songwriters Showcase, VBC Playhouse
August 23, Fantasia, VBC Concert Hall
August 24, One Love One Life Featuring Maxi Priest & Beres Hammond, VBC Concert Hall
August 29, Corey Smith, VBC Concert Hall
MEMPHIS
August 23, The Band Perry, Live at the Garden
NASHVILLE
August 1, The Psychedelic Furs, Nashville’s War memorial Auditorium
August 3, Old Crow Medicine Show, The Woods Amphitheatre in Fontanel
August 5, Adam Ant, Cannery Lounge
August 7, Mindless Behavior, Nashville Municipal Auditorium
August 16, Three Dog Night, Wildhorse Saloon
August 17, Bruno Mars, Bridgestone Arena
August 18, One Republic, The Woods Amphitheatre in Fontanel
August 24, Sara Bareilles, Ryman Auditorium
TUSCALOOSA
August 10, Old Skool Summer Fest, Tuscaloosa Amphitheatre
August 27, Back Street Boys, Tuscaloosa Amphitheatre
Sunday, August 24
Karaoke
Brandon Mac
THE END!
DOWNTOWN SUMMERFEST
Block Party is Saturday
August 17th, featuring
Uncle Kracker, Jamey
Johnson, Wayne Mills &
Dixie Cocks and Trailor Choir.
DTSUMMERFEST.COM.
#080113082113
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
15
FREE WILL
ASTROLOGY
August 1-21
© Copyright 2013 Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 19): To add zest to
mealtime, you might choose food that has been
seasoned with red chili peppers, cumin, or other
piquant flavors. Some chimpanzees have a similar
inclination, which is why they like to snack on
red fire ants. Judging from the astrological omens,
I’m guessing you are currently in a phase when
your attraction to spicy things is at a peak - not
just for dinner but in other areas of your life, as
well. I have a suggestion: Pursue rowdy fun with
adventures that have metaphorical resemblances
to red chili peppers, but stay away from those that
are like red fire ants.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): The 19th-century
English artist John Constable specialized in painting landscapes. The countryside near his home especially excited him. He said, “The sound of water escaping from mill dams, willows, old rotten
planks, slimy posts, and brickwork, I love such
things. They made me a painter, and I am grateful.” Take a cue from Constable, Taurus. Spend
quality time appreciating the simple scenes and
earthy pleasures that nourish your creative spirit.
Give your senses the joy of getting filled up with
vivid impressions. Immerse yourself in experiences that thrill your animal intelligence.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): This is Grand Unification Time for you Geminis. If your left hand
has been at war with your right hand, it’s a perfect moment to declare a truce. If your head and
heart have not been seeing eye to eye, they are
ready to find common ground and start conspiring together for your greater glory. Are there any
rips or rifts in your life? You will generate good
fortune for yourself if you get to work on healing
them. Have you been alienated from an ally or at
odds with a beloved dream or separated from a
valuable resource? You have a lot of power to fix
glitches like those.
16
CANCER (June 21-July 22): In an episode of the
TV show Twin Peaks, special agent Dale Cooper
gives the following advice to his colleague Harry:
“I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Every
day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don’t
plan it, don’t wait for it, just let it happen.” Now
I’m passing on this advice to you, Cancerian. It’s
a perfect time for you to try out this fun game.
You are in a phase of your astrological cycle when
you’ll be wise to intensify your commitment to
self-care . . . and deepen your devotion to making
yourself feel good . . . and increase your artistry
at providing yourself with everything you need to
thrive.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Sergei Diaghilev was a
Russian ballet impresario who founded Ballets
Russes, one of the 20th century’s great ballet companies. At one point in his career he met French
playwright Jean Cocteau. Diaghilev dared Cocteau to write a piece for a future Ballets Russes
production. “Astonish me!” he said. It took seven
years, but Cocteau met the challenge. He created
Parade, a ballet that also featured music by Eric
Satie and sets by Pablo Picasso. Now let’s pretend
I’m Diaghilev and you’re Cocteau. Imagine that
I’ve just told you, “Astonish me!” How will you
respond? What surprising beauty will you come
up with? What marvels will you unleash?
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Since 1948, the
chemical known as warfarin has been used as a
pesticide to poison rats. Beginning in 1954, it also
became a medicine prescribed to treat thrombosis
and other blood ailments in humans. Is there anything in your own life that resembles warfarin?
A person or an asset or an activity that can either be destructive or constructive, depending on
the situation? The time will soon be right for you
to employ that metaphorical version of warfarin
in both capacities. Make sure you’re very clear
about which is which.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “My heart was a hysterical, unreliable organ,” wrote Vladimir Nabokov in his novel Lolita. We have all gone through
phases when we could have uttered a similar statement. But I doubt that this is one of those times for
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you, Libra. On the contrary. I suspect your heart is
very smart right now - poised and lucid and gracious. In fact, I suggest you regard the messages
coming from your heart as more trustworthy than
any other part of you - wiser than your head and
your gut and your genitals put together.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The Holy Grail of
skateboarding tricks is called the 1080. To pull it
off, a skateboarder has to do three complete 360degree revolutions in mid-air and land cleanly.
No one had ever pulled it off until 12-year-old
Tom Schaar did it in 2012. Since then, two other
teenage boys have managed the same feat. But I
predict that a Scorpio skateboarder will break the
record sometime soon, managing a 1260, or three
and a half full revolutions. Why? First, because
your tribe is unusually geared to accomplish peak
performances right now. And second, you have a
knack for doing complex maneuvers that require
a lot of concentration.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Can you
think of ways that you have been colonized? Have
any powerful institutions filled up your brain with
ideas and desires that aren’t in alignment with
your highest values? For instance, has your imagination gotten imprinted with conditioning that
makes you worry that your body’s not beautiful
enough or your bank account’s not big enough or
your style isn’t cool enough? If so, Sagittarius,
the coming weeks will be an excellent time to get
uncolonized. There has rarely been a better time
than now to purge any brainwashing that puts you
at odds with your deepest self.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): An old Chinese
poem tells us that “the true measure of a mountain’s greatness is not its height but whether it is
charming enough to attract dragons.” You and I
know there are no such things as dragons, so we
can’t take this literally. But what if we treat it as we
might a fairy tale? I suggest we draw a metaphorical meaning from it and apply it to your life. Let’s
say that you shouldn’t be impressed with how big
and strong anything is; you shouldn’t give your
mojo to people or institutions simply because
they have worldly power. Rather, you will be best
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
served by aligning yourself with what’s mysterious and fabulous. You’re more likely to have fun
and generate good fortune for yourself by seeking out stories that appeal to your soul instead of
your ego.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The questions you
have been asking aren’t terrible. But they could be
formulated better. They might be framed in such a
way as to encourage life to give you crisp insights
you can really use rather than what you’ve been
getting lately, which are fuzzy conjectures that are
only partially relevant. Would you like some inspiration? See if any of these inquiries help hone
your spirit of inquiry. 1. What kind of teacher or
teaching do you need the most right now? 2. What
part of you is too tame, and what can you do about
it? 3. What could you do to make yourself even
more attractive and interesting to people than you
already are? 4. What is the pain that potentially
has the most power to awaken your dormant intelligence?
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “There are some
enterprises in which a careful disorderliness is the
true method.” So says Ishmael, the hero of Herman Melville’s 19th-century novel Moby Dick.
He is ostensibly referring to whale hunting, which
is his job, but some modern critics suggest he’s
also talking about the art of storytelling. I suspect
his statement applies to a certain enterprise you
are currently engaged in, as well. Can you wrap
your mind and heart around the phrase “careful
disorderliness,” Pisces? I hope so, because I think
it’s the true method. Here are some other terms to
describe it: benevolent chaos; strategic messiness;
purposeful improvisation; playful experiments.
Homework: Compose a love spell to get more of
the intimate connection you want, but without
manipulating anyone’s free will. Tell me about it
at Freewillastrology.com.
THE VALLEY PLANET
CALENDAR OF EVENTS
Thursday, August 1
The Athens Lions Club Kiddie Carnival will
be open Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night.
Hours of operation are Thursday-Saturday night
of each weekend from 6:30pm-9:30pm. The
Kiddie Carnival is located at the intersection of
Forrest & Beaty streets, just across from Athens
Middle School. Facebook Page also: Athens
Lions Club Kiddie Carnival.
Interpretations II: Homage to O’Keefe will be
on view now through September 7th in Lowe
Mill ARTS & Entertainment 3rd Floor West
Gallery. www.lowemill.net.
There will be a preview party for Memories of
WW II Photographs from the Archives of the
Associated Press at 6pm. The exhibit will be
open Sunday, August 3 – September 29 at the
Huntsville Museum of Art.
www.hsvmuseum.org.
August 1 – 4
The 27th annual World’s Longest Yard Sale
is set for August 1 - 4, 2013, and along with
shopping, treasure hunting, and bargaining,
there is plenty of sightseeing to do on the
stretch that travels along the Lookout Mountain
Parkway through DeKalb County and into
Chattanooga, Tenn.
www.ShopLookoutMountain.com,
888.805.4740.
Friday, August 2
Hollywood Huntsville is hosting Furlough
Films on “Furlough Fridays” at 10am. It began
July 12th and runs for 11 weeks. Movies include
classics like Casablanca and The Pink Panther
and will be fun for the whole family. Furlough
Films will screen at Hollywood Huntsville\’s
Studio 2 at 718 Rison Ave. in Five Points.
256-536-9447, www.HollywoodHuntsville.com.
Cocktails & Dogtails will be at the Huntsville
Botanical Gardens from 5 – 8 pm. Bring your
dog as you stroll through the garden.
www.hsvbg.org.
The Omega Psi Phi Las Vegas Night will be at
the Omega Center, located at 181 Import Circle
from 7pm – 1am. Tickets are $25 in advance or
$25 at the door.
www.huntsvilleurbannetwork.com.
The Huntsville Madison Public Library will
have From Mars to Moleskins: Writing and
selling Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Other
Speculative Fiction at 7pm. www.hmcpl.org.
Weathering the Storm will be at the HuntsvilleMadison County Public Library at 12pm.
www.hmcpl.org.
The Madison Gazebo Concerts in the Park will
be from 6:30 – 8:30pm. Rahen Ivy and Slip Jig
will be performing. Admission is free and open
to the public. 256- 527-7802.
Harmony Park Animal Safari will have selfguided tours daily beginning at 10am until
sundown. It is located at 431 Cloud’s Cove
Road in Huntsville. There is an admission
charge. 877-726-4625.
Black Holes, Space Warps & Time Twists will be
on exhibit at the US Space and Rocket Center
through August 31st. www.rocketcenter.com.
The Huntsville Museum of Art will have the
exhibits the Heritage Quilters of Huntsville
Members’ Exhibition now through August 4,
2013, and People Places and Things through
October 13, 2013. www.hsvmuseum.org.
The Giant Garden Little Me Exhibit will be at
the Huntsville Botanical Gardens through
December 31st. The Wade Warton Exhibit is also
open now. www.hsbbg.org.
The Mircea Lacatus Exhibition, the Sallie
Estes & Maria West Exhibition, the Lenore
Corey Show Exhibit are on display at Lowe Mill.
Admission is free. www.lowemill.net.
Carmike Cinemas will have Kids Movies at
10am. Admission is $4 and includes kids’ tray
with popcorn, drink and a snack.
Nativity Green Street Market will be every
Thursday this summer at 4pm, on the corner of
Green Street and Eustis Street.
Align and Wine is hosted by Mitzi Connell every
Thursday at 6pm at the Huntsville Museum of
Art. http://MitziConnell.com.
Art with a Twist will be at the Huntsville
Museum of Art from 5:30 – 8:30pm.
www.hsvmuseum.org.
Duos and Solos Square Dance Club will be
offering lessons to couples and singles every
Thursday at the Tom Bevill Enrichment Center,
115 Main Street W in Rainsville, AL. Classes will
be from 6:30 – 9pm. www.duosandsolos.com.
Pickin’ & Grinnin’ will be in Ardmore every
Thursday night at 6:30pm at the Ardmore TN
Annex Building. 256-423-7588.
August 1 - 2
FREE Art2 from 5 – 10 pm featuring street
performances on the downtown Huntsville
square. www.artshuntsville.org or
256-519-2787.
August 1 – 3
The Murphy Book Swap will be at the Eleanor
E. Murphy Library at regular library hours.
Bring a $10 donation and your gently used
books, movies, and music and you can pick as
many items as you want from the selection.
www.hmcpl.org.
THE VALLEY PLANET
The Friday Night Artist Market will be from 5 –
8pm. Admission is free. There will be art, jewelry,
vintage clothing, and much more. It will be at
the Flying Monkey Arts on the second floor of
Lowe Mill ARTS & Entertainment. It will be every
Friday in August. www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
The Huntsville Chamber of Commerce will
have the seminar, How Do I Keep My Small
Business Financially Fit? It will be at 9am.
www.huntsvillealabamausa.com.
Monkey Speak will be at the Flying Monkey
from 8 - 11pm. Admission is $5. It is an openmic night, an open stage for anyone to read
perform or improvise poetry drama or prose or
any variation of the spoken word. No experience
is necessary. Mature audiences only.
www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
There will be a Mill Wide Artist Receptions
from 6 – 8pm at Lowe Mill. Featured artists for
July/August include; Ginny Erickson Webb, Andy
Winn, Homage to O’Keeffe, by Connie Boussom,
Anna Braden, and Sherry Jacks, Deborah Horn,
and Robert Bean. Browse three floors and enjoy
refreshments, admission is free.
www.lowemill.net.
There will be an artist reception for Carolyn
L. Wass from 6 – 8pm. Admission is free. This
show will be on view until September 7th during
Lowe Mill Public hours. www.lowemill.net.
There will be an artist reception for Terri
Shows & Joyce Lowery from 6 – 8pm at Lowe
Mill. Admission is free. www.terrishows.com.
The Red Shoe Event: An HIV/AIDS Awareness
Fundraiser will be at the Bob Harrison Wellness
Center on Pulaski Pike. Tickets are $25. 256542-8380.
There will be a Book Signing by Elizabeth H.
Brett, “So you want to be a Teacher?” What I
Learned in Forty Years of Teaching. It will be
from 4 – 6pm at Pablo’s on Market Street in
downtown Athens.
August 2 – 3
The Summer Stage Musical: The Music Man will
be at the VBC Playhouse. Performance times
are Friday at 7:30pm, Saturday at 7:30pm and
2pm. www.thechorus.org.
The 21st Annual Ardmore Police and Reserves
Rodeo will be this weekend at the James
Barnes Park in Ardmore.
www.ardmorepolice.com.
There will be a FOR Rescue Rummage Sale at
the Center for Spiritual Living of Huntsville at
308 Lily Flagg Road.
August 2 – 4
The Tony Award-winning rock musical Spring
Awakening will be at the Renaissance Theatre.
Tickets are $22 for adults and $20 for students
17 and under. www.renaissancetheatre.net.
events cont. on pg.18
#080113082113
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
17
August 2 – 8
The Huntsville Stars vs. the Mississippi Braves
baseball games will be at Joe Davis Stadium.
256-882-2562.
Saturday, August 3
The Madison City Farmers Market will be
from 8am until noon at 1282 Hughes Road in
Madison, Alabama. It will be every Saturday.
256-656-7841.
A New Leash on Life will have dogs and cats
available for adoption every Saturday from 12
– 4pm at Pet Smart on Carl T. Jones. www.
anewleash.org.
There will be a Planetarium Show every
Saturday night at 7:30pm at the Planetarium.
www.vbas.org.
There will be a Fandom Showdown at the
Huntsville Madison County Public Library
from 1 – 4:30pm. www.hmcpl.org.
The International Essential Tremor Foundation
will hold its bi-monthly meeting at the Madison
Wellness Center in Madison at 2pm.
The First Saturday Swing dance hosted by
Randy Taylor, Jennifer Nye and Improv’s William
Smothers will offer dance lessons from 7 – 8pm
at the Improv. There will be live music by
Twickenham Jazz and Swing will play music.
www.improventertainment.com.
The Artist Market will be from 12 – 4pm.
Admission is free. There will be art, jewelry,
vintage clothing, and much more. It will be at
the Flying Monkey Arts on the second floor of
Lowe Mill ARTS & Entertainment. It will be every
Saturday. www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
The Improv will have Swing Dance tonight
admission is $10. It will be from 8 – 10pm. www.
improventertainmen.com.
The Huntsville Ghost Walk will be tonight at
6pm leaving from Harrison Brothers Hardware
in downtown Huntsville. It will be every Saturday
through October. 256-509-3940.
There will be a Contra Dance in the gym of
Faith Presbyterian Church at the corner of
Airport and Whitesburg Drive. There will be live
music by Maple Hill. It is from 7:30 - 10:30pm.
Lessons begin at 7pm. Admission is $7 and $4
for students. Children under 12 are free. 256837-0656, http://secontra.com/NACDS.html.
There will be a Breakfast Trolley Tour of
downtown Huntsville and the Twickenham
historic district. It will include a light breakfast
and coffee served on a 1920’s style trolley. It will
leave from Alabama Constitution Village. It will
be every Saturday thought August at 10am.
256- 535-6564.
Movies in the Park: The Odd Life of Timothy
Green will be at Deleno Park in Decatur, at 8pm.
www.decaturparks.com.
The 105th DeKalb County Fiddler’s Convention
will be at the DeKalb Theatre in Fort Payne.
Registration will begin at 11am..
256-465-1099.
The Red Devil Rock Show will be at the Elkmont
Baseball Fields, Vaughn Street in Elkmont,
AL from 12 – 11am. Tickets are $15 - $75.
Headlining the festival will be the Americana/
Rock collective, Banditos and local Athens band,
Spiral Down South.
www.reddevilrockshow.org.
The Huntsville Museum of Art will have the
exhibit World War II now through September
29th. www.hsvmuseum.org.
18
There will be a Drive the Greens for Charity at
the Huntsville Municipal Golf Course at 8am.
There will be a Bailey Cove Farmers Market at
St. Thomas Episcopal Church at 8am.
Sci-Quest will have a Parents Night out from 6
– 10pm. www.sciquest.org.
The Side Street Steppers will be in the Flying
Monkey Theatre from 8 – 10pm. Admission is
#080113082113
$10. www.sidestreetsteppers.com,
Sunday, August 4
The WZYP Bridal Fair will be at the VBC North
hall from 1 – 5pm. Brides admitted free with
registration but there is an admission charge for
guests. 256- 830-8300.
There will be a Film Co-op Monthly Workshop
from 2 – 4pm at Lowe Mill. Admission is free.
This is a free-form workshop on all aspects of
film making, with an emphasis on techniques
and equipment for low budget independent
movie making. www.lowemill.net.
Monday, August 5
There will be Pickin’ & Grinnin’ at Elkmont
Depot every Monday night at 6:30pm at the
256-423-7588.
Your Yoga with Casey Beginner’s Class will
be in Studio 258 at Lowe Mill every Monday
in August from 6 – 7pm. The cost is $14 per
session or $45 for a 4 class pack. www.lowemill.
net, casey@youryogasite.net.
Concerts in the Park will have the Winslow
Davis and Mambo Gris Gris from 6:30 – 8pm
at Big Springs Park in downtown Huntsville.
www.artshuntsville.org.
The Paul Stroud Concerts by the River will
have Reginald Jackson and Friends at Rhodes
Ferry Park at 6pm.
Every Monday and Wednesday the Monaco
Theatres will have Kids Summer Film Series
beginning at 10am though August 7th.
Admission is free.
www.monacopicturesusa.com.
Teen Author Al Jackson, Jr of the book
Adventures of Middle School: The Handbook
is having an Anti-Bullying Book Club and
Focus Group at Cafe 153 at Bridgestreet. info@
jointeffortllc.com, 256-489-5920.
The Huntsville-Madison County Public
Library will have Keep Watching the Skies II
Science Fiction Films of the 60’s every Monday
in August at 5pm. www.hmcpl.org.
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
Tuesday, August 6
West Coast Swing will be at Club Rush
downtown at 7pm with a lesson followed by
open dancing until 10pm.
The Princess Theatre 2013 – 2014 Season
Tickets will be on sale, single tickets will go on
sale August 26th. www.princesstheatre.org,
256-340-1778.
The Chicago Steppers will meet every Tuesday
night at the Green Room Lounge from 6 – 8pm.
337-257-8446, 256-652-1548.
There will be Salsa dancing on the Patio at
Amendment XXI from 7:30 – 11:30pm. www.
amendmentxxihsv.com.
Sci-Quest will have a weekly activity every
Tuesday this summer, Tinkering Tuesday.
Visitors are invited to join the fun every Tuesday
during the summer to tinker with all sorts of
different materials designed to spark curiosity,
creativity and foster exploration. www.sciquest.org
Gee’s Place will have Line Dance class every
Tuesday from 6 – 8pm. The cost is $5.00.
The Rocket City Science Café will meet from 6
– 7pm at Below the Radar the first Tuesday of
each month. Bill Cooke from NASA will discuss
“Fire Over Russia - The Great Chelyabinsk Meteor
of 2013. Free and open to the public.
Petals for the Princess Market will be at Casa
Grande Park on 2nd Avenue in Decatur from
4:30 – 7:30pm. It will be every Tuesday through
November 5th. cookielogic1@gmail.com, 256654-5570.
Latham Methodist will host a Farmers’ Market
in their parking lot every Tuesday until September.
www.lathamumc.org,
farmersmarket@lathamumc.org.
The Dance Club presents ballroom dancing
every Tuesday night at Rollertime Skating Rink,
707 Arcadia Circle. Free dance lessons begin at
7:30pm. Dancing continues until 10:15pm. The
THE VALLEY PLANET
cost is $7 for regular and $4 for students. 256883-6107, dancehsv.mindspring.com.
First Baptist Church in Meridianville will have
a Farmers Market at 4pm every Tuesday
this summer.
Wednesday, August 7
Every Wednesday there will be a Bike Ride with
the gang from Bicycles Etc. It is usually 27 miles
with significant climbing and a spiffy pace. It
will meet at Bicycles Etc. at 5:30pm.
www.bicyclesetc.us.
Kathy Griffin will be live in concert at the VBC
Concert Hall at 7:30pm. 256- 533-1953.
(See ad pg.23)
The Elkmont Library (Depot) will have
Storytime every Wednesday from 10 – 11am.
256-732-3703.
Salserblanko will be having Salsa Night at
Fubar Night Club. Admission is $3. It is from
7:30 - 10:30pm. www.alabamasalsa.com.
There will be a free summer film series at the
US Space and Rocket Center at 9am. The
movie will be Planet 51. 256-837-3400.
Dixie Scrabblers will be meeting every
Wednesday from 6 - 8pm to play social Scrabble.
Please check facebook page for location.
registration is August 3rd $125, $150 after.
www.100bmoa2013.eventbrite.com,
256- 759-6060.
Movies in the Park presented by Historic
Huntsville Foundation: To Kill A Mockingbird
will be at 8:30pm at Big Spring Park.
Saturday, August 10
The Huntsville Bead Society will be meeting
on from 10am to 6pm at the Crestwood
Women’s Center at 185 Chateau Dr. The
meeting starts at 10:30am and the Class (Crystal
Bezeled ring) starts around 11am and open
beading throughout the day. The class costs
$5 and materials will be available for purchase.
hsvbeads@gmail.com.
Kidfest will be at Belk at Parkway Place Mall
at 12pm.
The 1st Annual Arts and Crafts Fair will be at
Dublin Park Gymnasium in Madison from 8am
until 2pm.www.madisonalchamber.net.
The Back to School Bash for middle school
aged children and their families will be at the
Hogan Family YMCA at 130 Park Square Lane
in Madison, AL. It is from noon until 4pm.
Admission is free and the first 25 families get
a free backpack with free school supplies. The
event will be providing a free lunch, field game
activities, arts and crafts, skits, music, and a cake
walk. ymcahuntsville.org.
Terry Heights Farmers’ Market will be at
4pm at Meadow Drive Baptist Church, 1000
Meadow Drive, Huntsville.
The Dixie Derby Girls vs. Burn City Rollers
Bout will be at Roller Time Skate Rink at 6pm.
Doors will open at 5:30pm. There is an admission
charge. www.dixiederbygirls.com.
Thursday, August 8
The Huntsville Museum of Art will have a film
series, Memories of WW II, The Dictator at
6pm. www.hsvmuseum.org.
There will be an India Festival at Bob Jones
High School from 10am until 8pm. There will
be live music, dance, free yoga and meditation,
Indian Cuisine and more. 256- 882-1921.
The Madison Gazebo Concerts in the Park will be
from 6:30 – 8:30pm. The Madison Community
Band will be performing. Admission is free and
open to the public. 256- 527-7802.
The Mad Scientist Ball will be at Sci-Quest
Science Center at 5:30pm. There will be science
with food, live music and more.
www.sci-quest.org.
There will be a concert with Maurice & Destiny
performing at the Huntsville-Madison County
Public Library at 6pm. www.hmcpl.org.
The Improv will have Saxophonist Kelley
O’Neal and the KAYOBAND. Tickets are $25 in
advance and $30 at the door.
www.improventertainmen.com.
The Beloved Book Club will meet from 6:30
– 7:30pm at the Beloved Books & Gallery, Flying
Monkey Arts. www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
The Osher Lifelong Learning Institute will have
a Back-to-School Ice Cream Social at 11am
Wilson Hall UAH. This is an opportunity to
register early for fall term classes.
www.osher.uah.edu.
square. www.artshuntsville.org or
256-519-2787.
The Tennessee Valley Civil War Round Table
will have Dr. Randy Bishop, Civil War Scholar
and author to conduct an overview of the battles
in Tennessee, Mississippi and Kentucky. It will be
at 6:30pm at the Elks Lodge, 725 Franklin Street
in Huntsville. There is no admission charge.
There will be a Small Business Training Series
– Marketing Your Business at 3pm at the
Huntsville Madison County Chamber of
Commerce. www.huntsvillealabamausa.com.
Dine and Dash Downtown Trolley Tasting Tour
will be at 6pm. It will be the second Thursday
of every month through September. http://
homegrownhuntsville.com.
There will be a Hot Summer Jazz Fundraiser
for the Eric S. Obermann Foundation at Shea’s
Express in Huntsville from 6 – 10pm.
August 8 – 11
The Tony Award-winning rock musical Spring
Awakening will be at the Renaissance Theatre.
Tickets are $22 for adults and $20 for students
17 and under. www.renaissancetheatre.net.
Friday, August 9
Jim Parker’s Songwriters Series will be at
the VBC Playhouse at 6:30pm. Guests will be
Gary Loyd, Kaylan Loyd, Steve Dean and Jamie
Higdon. www.jimparkermusic.com.
The 14th Annual John Riche Memorial Golf
Classic sponsored by the 100 Black Men of
America’s Greater Huntsville Chapter (100
BMOA- GHC) will be at the Robert Trent
Jones Golf Trail, Hampton Cove at 8am. Early
THE VALLEY PLANET
The Huntsville-Madison County Public
Library Friends of the Library will have a $.25
Book Sale from 9am until 3:30pm.
www.hmcpl.org.
The Murphy Writers Group will have peer to
peer writing group for writers of all genres,
ages 14 and older. It will also be on August
24th at the Huntsville-Madison Public Library.
www.hmcpl.org.
Girls on Fire, presented by Girls Incorporated
will be at Trinity United Methodist Church
from 8:30am until 3pm. Tickets are $15 for girls
and $18 for adults. jenniferafrench@aol.com,
256-859-0011.
The Huntsville Speedway will have Racing at
7pm. Gates will open at 6pm. The Speedway is
located at 357 Hegia Burrow Road in Huntsville.
256-882-9191, www.huntsvillespeedway.com.
(See ad pg.23)
The Old Skool Summer Fest Party Bus Trip to
the Tuscaloosa Amphitheatre to see Bel Biv
Devoe, Salt & Peppa, Doug E. Fresh, Rob Base
and DJ EZ Rock and Avant will leave at 3pm.
http://www.huntsvilleurbannetwork.com.
Sunday, August 11
The Huntsville Museum of Art will have Army
Material Command Band perform at 2pm.
www.hsvmuseum.org.
Meet the Author Skip Tucker at the HuntsvilleMadison County Public Library from 2 – 4pm.
St. Tucker will discuss his first novel, “Pale Blue
Light.” Admission is free. www.hmcpl.org.
Monday, August 12
Concerts in the Park will have the Ashley
Smith and the Rocket City Jazz Orchestra from
6:30 – 8pm at Big Springs Park in downtown
Huntsville. www.artshuntsville.org.
have The Solid Bluegrass Band and Christina
Lynn at Rhodes Ferry Park at 6pm.
August 13 – 17
The Huntsville Stars vs. the Mobile Bay Bears
baseball games will be at Joe Davis Stadium.
256-882-2562.
#080113082113
The Beginners Melt and Pour Soap Class will
be from 6 – 7:30pm. The cost is $40. It will be at
Lowe Mill. It will also be offered on August 24th
from 11am – 12:30pm.www.lowemill.net.
Thursday, August 15
The Huntsville Museum of Art will have a
film series, Memories of WW II, They Were
Expendable at 6pm. www.hsvmuseum.org.
The Osher Lifelong Learning Institute will have
the 20th Anniversary Speakers’ Series at 4pm
at Wilson Hall UAH. Dr. Michael Goldfarb is the
speaker on Wearable Robotics. It is free to OLLI
members, new members also welcome. 256824-6183.
square. www.artshuntsville.org, 256-519-2787.
The Arts and Entertainment District will have
a Sidewalk Arts Stroll. In addition to the Greene
Street Market and the Arts Stroll at Constitution
Village, there will be musical performance
on the Courthouse square, so patrons have
multiple places to visit on Thursday night Strolls.
Patrons will be allowed to stroll with alcoholic
drinks purchased at bars or restaurants within
the district. 256- 534-8376.
Books and Brews will be at Straight to Ale
Brewery. The Eleanor E. Murphy Library will
celebrate the end of the adult summer reading
program with books, trivia, food and brews.
www.hmcpl.org.
Sips’ n Sounds- Augusts’ Tour of Italy will be
at 6pm at the Huntsville Botanical Garden.
www.hsvbg.org.
There will be a Beloved Story Slam at the
Beloved Books & Gallery at Lowe Mill from 7
– 9pm. The cost is $5. www.lowemill.net.
Friday, August 16
The City Lights Concert Series #6 with Doyle
Dykes will be at Burritt on the Mountain. Gates
will open at 6:30pm and program will begin at
7:30pm. www.burrittonthemountain.com.
The Homegrown Comedy Show returns to the
Flying Monkey Theater at 8pm. This show will
be the 1 year anniversary show. The cost is $7 at
the door. www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
Sci-Quest will have a Parents Night out from 6
– 10pm. www.sciquest.org.
Ducky Derby and the Amazing Duck Race will
be in downtown Decatur at 6pm. This event is
free and open to the public.
August 16 – 25
Huntsville Restaurant Week will be at various
restaurants in Huntsville/Madison County.
There will be specially priced meals.
256-551-2233.
Saturday, August 17
Pints for Paws, a fundraiser for Madison Animal
Rescue Foundation will be from 6 – 10pm at
the Blue Pants Brewery. Come and enjoy BBQ,
live music from Jonathan Laird, unlimited beer
samples until they run out, one full beer of your
choice, silent auction, and raffle! 256-232-1582.
There will be a Drop In Art Class, Sunsational
Collages at the Huntsville Museum of Art at
11am. www.hsvmuseum.org.
There will be a Contra Dance in the gym of
Faith Presbyterian Church at the corner of
Airport and Whitesburg Drive. There will be live
music by Chuck and Katrina Weber and calling
by Erin Maguire. It is from 7:30 - 10:30pm.
Lessons begin at 7pm. Admission is $7 and $4
for students. Children under 12 are free. 256837-0656, http://secontra.com/NACDS.html.
Downtown Summerfest will be in downtown
Huntsville gates open at 2pm. Performers
include Uncle Cracker, Jamey Johnson, Wayne
Mills Band and the Dixie Cocks and Trailer Choir.
Tickets are $35 at the door or buy specialty
tickets at www.dtsummerfest.com.
(See ad pg.13)
The Summer Lights Celebration: The American
Cancer Society 9th Annual Gala will be from 6
– 10pm at the VBC. 256- 536-1863.
There will be a Back to School Block Party
at Calvary Hill Park, hosted by St. James P.B.
Church from 1 – 5pm. Admission is free.
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
19
There will be a Christmas Card Class from 2 –
5pm. This class will take place every 3rd Saturday
monthly at Studio #327 at Lowe Mill. Register a
week in advance, www.colorhousedesigns.com
or email dominique@colorhousedesigns.com.
There will be Kitten Adoptions at Goin’ to the
Dogs from 11am – 3pm. It is located at 814
Wellman Avenue in 5pts.
The Rocket City Jazz Orchestra sponsored by
Huntsville Swing Dance Society will be from 7
- 11pm at Flying Monkey. Admission is $10 and
$7 for students. www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
August 17 – 18
The Play, Shivers, by Wayne Miller will be
Saturday at 1:30pm and 4pm and Sunday
at 1:30pm and 6:30pm at Burritt on the
Mountain’s Old Country Church. Tickets are
$12 for members and $15 for non-members,
children 12 and under are free.
www.burrittonthemountain.com.
The Gun & Knife Show will be at the Cahaba
Shrine Temple, Saturday 9am until 5pm and
Sunday 10am until 4pm. There is an admission
charge for this event. 256- 859-4470.
The Hamfest will be at the VBC South Hall.
There will be amateur radio operators from
across the southeast; vendors will have new &
used ham radio equipment, electronic products
& computers for sale & display. 256- 882-9137.
There will be a Summer Art Stroll at the
Courthouse in Athens, AL and will be the
fourth Friday of each month through August
from 4 – 8pm.
August 23 – 25
The 4th Annual Building Home and Garden
Show will be at the VBC South Hall.
I
Saturday, August 24
The Huntsville Museum of Art will have a
musical performance by the Prevailing Winds
Flute Assemble at 1pm.
www.hsvmuseum.org.
The summer of 2013 has proven to be the 11th hour when it comes to the foreseeable extinction of
wolves in the U.S. In June, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service proposed removing Endangered Species
Act protections for gray wolves throughout the lower - 48 states and Mexico, with only about 75
wolves in Arizona and New Mexico being the exception.
The Green U Environmental Festival will
be from 9am until 3pm at the Huntsville
Botanical Gardens. There will be green
products, demonstrations and speakers. Regular
admission price or 5 recycled products.
www.hsvbg.org.
You can take meaningful action today by visiting Defenders of Wildlife (a long-term leader in
promoting wolf recovery throughout their natural ranges) at www.defenders.org. Enter “Wolves 101”
in the homepage search bar. They give you an overview of the history of five regions of wolves in the
U.S. and the challenges each faces today.
The Parrots of The Caribbean Street Festival
will be in downtown Madison, on 58 Martin
Street in Madison. There is an admission charge
for this event. There will be dancing, door
prizes, a limbo contest, raffle baskets and more.
256 – 564-2075.
Swim for Melissa will be at Hampton Cove
Pool from 9am- 3pm. Children ages 4 – 15 years
old are invited to raise money for the Melissa
George Neonatal Memorial Fund.
The Annual Bridgeport Jubilee will be in
downtown Bridgeport near Soulard Square
and the historic depot and museum at 9am.
August 18 – 22
The Huntsville Stars vs. the Pensacola Blue
Wahoo’s baseball games will be at Joe Davis
Stadium. 256-882-2562.
Midnite Production presents, “One Love One
Life” Reggae Live, with Beres Hammond and
Maxi Priest at the VBC. Tickets are $30 and up.
256-457-1803.
Sunday, August 18
The Osher Lifelong Learning Institute course
registration for fall term begins. 256- 824-6183,
www.osher.uah.edu.
The World Conspiracy Presents: Rocky Horror
Picture Show from 11pm – 2am. Admission is
$10 advanced tickets at World Conspiracy, $15
at the door. It will be at Lowe Mill. Doors open
at 11pm with a Costume Contest at 11:30pm.
256-534-3198.
Monday, August 19
have Tony and the Devastors and Rd-Headed
Step Child at Rhodes Ferry Park at 6pm.
The Huntsville Museum of Art will have a film
series, Memories of WW II, 12 o’clock High at
6pm. www.hsvmuseum.org.
The Hosta La Vista Social Club will be from
8 - 9:30pm in the Flying Monkey Theatre.
Admission is $10. Glamorous and enchanting
Aunt Sofonda Pesos and her band of tropical
vaudeville transplants host a hurricane of live
music, song, and dance.
The Madison Public Library will have Southern
Breeze Schmooze with R.A. Nelson, local author
of young adult novel at 5:30pm. 256-289-1374,
www.hmcpl.org.
There will be Painting Demonstration with
Sherry Jacks from 12-4pm. Admission is free. It
will be in the Third Floor West Gallery at Lowe
Mill. www.lowemill.net.
The Flying Monkey Community Garden Meeting
will be from 6:15-7:15pm. Admission is free. It will
be on the third floor studio 325.
There will be an All Occasion Card Class from
2 – 5pm. . It will be at Studio #327 at Lowe Mill.
Please register a week in advance,
www.colorhousedesigns.com,
dominique@colorhousedesigns.com.
Thursday, August 22
square. www.artshuntsville.org, 256-519-2787.
There will be a concert with Ivy Joe Milan &
Jim Cavender performing at the HuntsvilleMadison County Public Library at 6pm. www.
hmcpl.org.
The Concert: Fantasia will be at the VBC
Concert Hall at 8:30pm. 256-533-1953.
The Miracle Bash will be the first of two Swim
for Melissa events for adults. It will be at Baron
Bluff from 6:30 – 10:30pm.
Movies in the Park presented by Historic
Huntsville Foundation: Back to the Future will
be at Big Spring Park at 8:30pm.
August 22 – 24
The play, A Bad Year for Tomatoes, will be at
the Ritz Theatre in Tuscumbia, AL at 7:30pm.
www.tvaa.net.
Friday, August 23
The Delta Omega Theta Sorority will have the
Centennial Alumni Step Show at 7pm at the
Elmore Gym at Alabama A&M University. 256541-7029.
Vincent E. Boles Major General, 4-3-2-1 Leadership
Presentation, Reception and Book Signing will
be at Merrimack Hall.
www.merrimackhall.com.
20
Auntie Jen’s Animal Crazy
August 24 - 25
The Play, Shivers, by Wayne Miller will be Saturday
at 1:30pm and 4pmand Sunday at 1:30pm and
6:30pm at Burritt on the Mountain’s Old Country
Church. Tickets are $12 for members and $15 for
non-members, children 12 and under are free.
www.burrittonthemountain.com.
am involved in a variety of causes, from grassroots to worldwide. There are two hot national animal
welfare issues in the media that I want to bring to your attention now: the real extinction threat
facing wolves in the U.S. and also the recent passage of the “Farm Bill” (with the dangerous “King
amendment” included) by the House.
The war on Northern Rockies Gray Wolves has been particularly visible in recent years. Wolves play
a key role in maintaining balance in nature, as they protect native plant communities and keep other
animal populations in balance by preying on deer, moose and elk. However, tempers flare when they
do occasionally kill livestock. Recently, in response to these occasional livestock kills, hundreds of
wolves have been shot or trapped by hunters using brutal methods during state-regulated hunts in Idaho
and Montana.
If you are able to contribute to Defenders of Wildlife’s pro-Northern Rockies Gray wolf campaigns,
you will be helping them work with ranchers to “implement non-lethal deterrents, such as livestock
guarding dogs, range riders, electric fencing, and scare devices, as well as better animal husbandry
practices that allow livestock and wolves to co-exist.”
At “Wolves 101,” you can also find five ways you can take action to help the Northern Rockies Gray
wolf. I like the “adopt a wolf” option and the easy access to current petitions at the “Wildlife Action
Center.” You can also download a free PDF handbook called “Citizen Advocate Handbook: Your
Guide to Protecting America’s Wildlife.” Defenders gets involved with ranchers on a grassroots level,
and they also do great work taking the U.S. government to court to defend wildlife. Some days when I
have a little extra change and really want to make a contribution, I’ll text a $10 donation to Defenders
of Wildlife that’s added to my monthly cell phone bill.
There are also a lot of wonderful campaigns for wolves happening on Facebook and across the internet.
Another great site that I highly endorse is the Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC) at www.
nrdc.org. I also follow action groups like “Wolves of the Rockies” and “Living with Wolves” on
Facebook. What better way to honor your dog than to fight for your dog’s persecuted relatives in their
greatest time of need?
Now for the Farm Bill and what you can do to turn this legislative catastrophe around:
Although there are some provisions that I strongly support in the Farm Bill (including making it a crime
to attend or bring a minor to a dogfight or cockfight), the “overreaching” King amendment, introduced
by Rep. Steve King (R-IA), makes the passage of what could be a progressive animal welfare bill
instead a very scary piece of legislation. According to Humane Society of the United States (HSUS)
President Wayne Pacelle, the King amendment “could nullify dozens of state laws to protect animals,
the environment, worker safety and food safety.” The amendment specifically “threatens to repeal
many animal protection laws on farm animal confinement, horse slaughter, puppy mills, shark finning,
and more.”
What does HSUS plan to do about it? Pacelle writes the following: “At some point soon, it is likely
the Senate and House will conduct a conference on the farm bill, and those of us at HSUS will do our
best to nix the King amendment (the Senate version does not include any provision similar to the King
amendment) and to retain a strong animal fighting provision (which is included in both the House and
Senate bills).”
What can you do? Call and email your Representative and ask him/her to please get to work nixing the
King amendment. You can quickly locate and contact your rep right off the homepage at www.house.
gov. I hope you will take action and speak up today. Thank you, defenders!
Send comments and ideas to me at writers@valleyplanet.com.
There will be an Indian Pow Wow at Ditto
Landing, Hobbs Island Road in Huntsville. It
will be Saturday from 10am – 6pm and Sunday
noon – 5pm. 256-337-7358.
Saturday, August 25
Author Annie Laura Smith will discuss
Historical novels about WWII for young readers
at the Huntsville Art Museum.
www.hsvmuseum.org.
Kitchens for CASA will be from 1 – 5pm at
various homes in Huntsville and Madison
County. There is an admission charge.
256-533-7775.
The Rocketman Triathlon will be at 7:30am at
the Recreation Area at Redstone Arsenal.
256-508-9116.
There will be a Special Literary Concert: The
Poetry of Alabama Music at the HuntsvilleMadison County Public Library at 2pm.
Admission is free. www.hmcpl.org.
THE END!
#080113082113
Photo courtesy of Natural Resources Defense Council.
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
THE VALLEY PLANET
Summer Nights
ome on girls, we can all croon the Olivia Newton John and John Travolta duet celebrating teenage summer love. They dance and sing, reminiscing about the fling that flung them into eternal
fame. Precious Sandy. Rebellious Danny. They sang, they loved and flew off into the sunset.
C
The song dances through my weary head as I toss my Head racquet between my sweat soaked hands.
Rhythmic sounds of cicadas fill the air as the clouds evolve between pinks and blues, signaling a fine
day to follow this one. To say I’m drenched in my own perspiration is a gentle suggestion. It’s pooling
on my nose, pebbling on my shoulders, and sliding down my shins. The heat bounces off the court and
permeates my pores and facial orifices. “Summer lovin’ happened so fast ...”
On the summer night described above, I just returned from my first trip to the beach since moving back
to Huntsville. Sadness consumed me. This is the first summer in 25 years that I didn’t have or live the
dream of a life at the beach. Ever since stepping onto the beaches of the Gulf in high school, I idealized
what it would be like to live there. Fast forward some 20 years later and the idea became my reality.
The following two summers were spent asking myself “Holy-Crap-How’d-I-Get-So-Lucky?” “Summer lovin’ had me a blast…”
I lived a life that both fell short and exceeded my expectations. I promised you a few issues ago that
this issue wouldn’t come up ever again. I take it back, because by going back to the coast, the sting of
expectations stung; it hurt. The 18 months as a Gulf Coast local was completely different than what I
expected. It was supposed to be easy, casual, relaxing. It was the most emotionally draining and challenging time of my life. I can fill this space with stories of the mayor who spat on me, angry people
who yelled, and the other nastiness I experienced. But I won’t. I’ll let your imagination take you to that
place. I left it. “It turned cold, that’s where it ends…”
Juxtapose that with the fantasy I had. It was to be flip flops, beach sunsets, seafood buffets. Okay, so
there was some of that, tied into the other stuff. But that other stuff wasn’t supposed to be there, AT
ALL! Let me stomp my feet and have a temper tantrum as I type that. THAT OTHER STUFF WASN’T
SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. That other stuff ruined my expectations. So during that recent trip, I
found myself wandering through the crowd of sunburned, tired tourists and sadness absolutely ruled
my heart. All those years of hopeful expectations of being a local in a tourist town were gone. Up until
this trip, I imagined or lived on the beach. The experience was over. The expectations weren’t met.
This is why you can’t expect much from the future. Our hearts and minds create a better-than-possible
future. Things are going to be beyond great. They’re going to be perfect. Here’s the thing about life:
it isn’t perfect. Which of the following can we change: having expectations or living the perfect life?
The answer is having expectations, because the perfect life isn’t possible. When we release our expectations, we’re allowed to truly live our lives. We’re no longer disappointed when our expectations
aren’t met.
Let’s go back to the sweaty night on the tennis court. In this grueling sport, keeping your eye on the
ball is the key to winning. Players adjust their bodies so the racket meets the ball, placing it out of the
opponent’s reach. When I play, I hope to win, but fear losing. When I just go out without expectations,
I’m never disappointed. Take this advice off the court, and life is sure to be a song.
The Last Great
Family Vacation
(and you will love it or else!)
(This is written for all of you parents who strive to
reconnect with your adult children)
Intro from previous issue:
My last vacation with the
family was about ten years
ago, about the same time as
our last family photo.
I wanted to have one last
hurrah with my lovely wife
Sherry and my above average
kids. The “kids” in question
are now 20 and 23.
I decided on a whirlwind trip
that would encompass three
states and 1,200 grueling
miles of driving in just four days. Why? Because I
am an idiot and a masochist.
M
emphis - home to the King of Rock and
Roll Elvis Presley, Father of the Blues
W.C. Handy, music legend B.B. King and
his brother B.B.Q! This huge city is the second largest in Tennessee after Nashville with a metropolitan
population of over a million.
My baby sister Christin (29) lives there with her
significant other, Cole, and their dog, cats and guinea
pigs. Together, they were our guides to the wonders
of Memphis. And that meant starting out with lunch
at Central Barbecue, which is, according to them, the
THE VALLEY PLANET
best BBQ in Memphis. That’s a tall order in a town
that prides itself on cooking this southern delicacy.
The restaurant is an eclectic hangout decorated with
primitive art and lots of sports memorabilia from the
University of Memphis and their mascot the Tigers.
I, of course, being a writer, felt compelled to sample
everyone else’s food. It was all good and so as they
were rolling me out, I waved a fond farewell and
blew kisses to some dang good food and a great
dining atmosphere.
Next, out of my love for
history, I asked that we be
taken to the National Civil
Rights Museum. This
museum was constructed
around an original portion
of the Lorraine Motel where
Dr. Martin Luther King
was slain. While we didn’t
take in the museum itself, I
really wanted to experience
the site firsthand. It was a
somber moment in the trip
as I stood next to the sign of
the Lorraine Motel and looked at the balcony where
the Civil Rights giant had been standing when an
assassin’s bullet took his life. Oddly, there was
also an African-American lady manning an outdoor
table nearby. Her name was Jacqueline Smith, and
apparently she had been protesting the museum’s
“exploitation of Martin Luther King” every day for
more than 25 years.
No trip to Memphis is complete without a stroll
down Beale Street. It was as you might expect,
very active even early in the day. Tourists were
everywhere. We made our way up one side and
down the other, sampling shopping and all the great
live music. Had I not been bursting from lunch, I
#080113082113
might have taken in any of the great local restaurants
available and tried the Elvis special, a grilled peanut
butter and banana sandwich.
was more going on there than met the eye. But it
was a very professional raid and carried out with
precision.
We shopped at Tater Red’s, the in-place for souvenirs
when selecting candles for bringing good luck or
an Elvis mask and every oddity in between. I like
oddities, but my wife says I am odd enough now, so
I left empty handed.
We didn’t have time to stop and see everything, but
it was just as exciting cruising past attractions such
as Sun Records and Graceland after leaving Beale.
We ended our Memphis day with a quick stop at
what my sister claimed was the best doughnut
shop in Memphis and “maybe the world.” This
was Gibson’s Doughnut Shop. They were, in
fact, delicious. And the selection included bacon
sprinkled, which made my son very happy indeed.
Old people like old things. So I really enjoyed
touring Schwab’s, the oldest store on Beale Street.
It was established in 1876 and is the last remaining
original business on the strip. This shop’s motto is
“If you can’t find it at Schwab’s, you’re probably
better off without it.” Among all the things that you
expect to find in a hardware store, there is also a lot
of memorabilia, voodoo supplies, Sun Records and
Elvis-themed gifts.
While we finished our constitutional on Beale, there
was an exciting moment when the police task force
descended on one of the many clubs. They promptly
shut it down and padlocked the doors. Guess there
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
After saying our goodbyes to our guides, we got on I40 and made a beeline for Lake Ouchita (pronounced
Wash-ta) State Park in Arkansas. On the way out
of Memphis, I must have been hallucinating from
exhaustion, because I could have sworn that I saw
a giant pyramid.
Look for the story in its entirety on
www.valleyplanet.com!
21
The Valley Planet Music Exchange is FREE to any individual (not businesses) looking to
buy, sell, trade or find bandmates. You get a headline and 3 lines of text for FREE!
Please call (256) 533-4613 or
email your ads to classifieds@valleyplanet.com.
Jackin’ Apparel- providing low-cost, quality t-shirts
for your band, venue, label, business,etc. 50 shirts black or
white, one color, $203. More colors and quantities available,
256-508-7676 or 256-431-5130
https://www.facebook.com/JackinApparel
Long time drummer/musician seeking to form (or join)
high energy ‘neo-grunge’-’post apocalyptic’ original music.
My influences include everything from Foo Fighters, Tool,
Deftones, Janes Addiction, The Mars Volta, QOTSA, NIN,
APC, RATM, Anthrax, Portishead, Massive Attack, Dido, Eisley,
MuteMath, Silversun Pickups, etc. I like concept records,
beautiful melodies backed by driving rhythms & deep
meaningful words. Anyone interested I can be reached at
Voyage2Infinity@hotmail.com. or 256-431-6252 (txt or call).
Looking forward to making magic - FLY THE SOULCRAFT.
TAMA Starclassic Bubinga 7 pc. Drum Set (magnetic
orange) with hard cases, plus 10 piece set of Paiste
Signature cymbals with TAMA stands and pro touring case.
All professional equipment in excellent condition. $2,950.
Call Steve at: 256-771-3385.
“I’d appreciate referral to a musical techie/engineering
type interestedin a potential project that could become a
business. I have designed anincredibly versatile instrument
that puts a limitless amount of capability in the hands of an
electric guitarist - too versatile to explain in ashort ad. Call
Joe at 256-617-1395 or email to roger@rogercloud.com.”
“I’ll do the cover tunes if we can also try origs. I play el/ac
guitar,all keys, other instruments, and sing lead/harmony.
Seek bassist anddrummer, or already-formed band. Contact
Joe at 256-617-1395.”
Holton Maynard Ferguson ST550 Trumpet for sale.
Includes mouthpieces, cup mute, lyre & music stand. Asking
$500. 256.289.1196.
I am a DRUMMER looking for a Reggae band that needs
an experienced DRUMMER. I have played DRUMS in the
Reggae Mystics (now Kush) as well as with Groove Therapy
in Dayton, Ohio. I have professional DRUMS and PERCUSSION and I am very reliable. If you know anyone who needs
a great Reggae DRUMMER email me at cdphil@otelco.net.
CUSTOM COLLINGS D2HA DREADNAUGHT GUITAR.
Simply a great acoustic guitar. $4000.00 OBO. Email guardedbylions@gmail.com or 256-364-0106.
Kittens for Adoption!
These eight week old kittens are precious! Scotch and Jax are
orange tabbys and are male kittens that have been neutered.
Sailor and Cammy are two gray spayed female babies. They
are full of energy and love and need forever homes. They
love to snuggle in bed and are litter trained. If you are interested please call 256 479-9463.
$25 adoption fee to local non profit.
Send in your random encounters today. It’s
FREE!!
We are putting all the categories together since it
seems like there are always more jeers than anything else!! But just to give you an idea of what
the To Yuno from Yunohoos are about… I Saw
you: but you didn’t catch my name, You saw me
or you think you were seen: Cheers: Pay your respect to those who deserve it and of course Jeers:
Frustrated? Tell us all about it. Thankfully, we
don’t know who you are!
To send in your FREE ad
1. Keep your word limit to 40 words. No names,
just initials if you want.
2. Meet the deadline.
3. Get it to us: Put “To Yuno from Yunohoo” in the
subject line of the email and send to classifieds@
valleyplanet.com.
M.B ~ We are coming up on a year now !!! I love
you so very much ! Your brown eyes make me
melt !! - CAT
Sis, no wonder you have to dust so much, your
vacuum does need a bag to trap all that dust and
stuff! I hear Ginko can help an absent mind, Heehee. LAWD!
S - About those panties under the bed. I didn’t know
they were there, and thought they were yours. ER
To whomever is buried in that grave I hosed
down at the cemetery...  I’ve never been to that
place before and thought it was my dad’s.  Jr.
Did one of you chicken joints lose a rooster at
Super Walmart on South Parkway? Talk about
fresh.
Long Time Paula Deen Non-Watcher - As a nonwatcher, your opinion is based on the media portrayal rather than any personal knowledge of the
person herself. Your opinion was not formed, it
was given to you. You and your opinion are of
questionable relevance.
Careful of ordering Viagra from India; they killed
20 kids with pesticides in a school lunch. Not sure
their FDA exists. Limp but still alive.
 
Cassie – I still love you and will take you back
if you’ll leave that biatch – In love in Huntsville
L – I still say kisses like that launched 1000 ships.
R
 
Peewee – You keep riding that damned HoverRound scooter chair in the street and you going to
get one that works off straws. A friend indeed
 
To Local Lawn Service – what part of DO NOT
CALL, DO NOT EMAIL, DO NOT LOOK AT
ME – do you not understand??? JW
Since when do you have to bring a militant monkey to speak at Monkey Speak? Must have been
hard to come back to the farm after you saw paree, er, I mean Atlanta. The amused few at Lowe
Mill.
Baby, sorry for the error and I will still love you
with your whiskers…Meow, yunohoo.
M, So Dog was in our town? Wish I’d a known
I would have told him where YOU were! Yunoohoo
DeeJay - can you tell me why you don’t look
like you sound? You don’t sound sexy.  a listener
TC, they say I could have gotten it from 30 years
ago…I know you were the one. Thnxs a bunch.
D
Nic – I didn’t know your sorry butt was still hanging around town until I saw you on the street on
Governor’s Drive. DSBFF
 
To my fellow Furlough Friday drivers, I think we
should all get on Zoloft! It has really calmed my
road rage! Furlough Friday road rage is quickly
becoming an epidemic!!!!!!
Despicable Me 2
by Reggie Allen
T
he minions and gang have made their return to the big screen, and for the most part I give them
a warm welcome.
The well anticipated sequel to the mega hit Despicable Me picks up not too far from where the predecessor left off. Our favorite villain turned good guy has now traded in his evil ways for fatherhood
and a future in jam making. When a new villain resurfaces, Gruu (Steve Carrell) is brought back into
the game because the anti-villain league recruits him to take down them down. He is paired with an
eccentric agent Wilde (Kristin Wiig), and they must stop the unknown villain by masquerading as Mall
store owners.
In all honesty, I did not see the first film in its entirety, so comparing the two would be futile. I am not
sure if the first film had an actual character arc, but this film does not. The actual storyline is loose,
but it is somehow tied together by an adhesiveness of cuteness. To explain: the set up for this movie
has enough to hold a story. Then, a few themes are thrown in like family and dating… but in reality I
viewed this film as a movie you just watch, enjoy, and ask questions later.
The jokes are corny and cheesy, but somehow I found myself laughing if not emitting a small chuckle.
Ironically, as funny as they were, the minions didn’t steal the show like I thought they would. It was
actually the small side characters that appeared on screen who did. Most of the laughs come from small
little gags throughout the movie, and the minions are just the appetizer.
The ambiance of the film gives off this happy-go-lucky feeling. The characters are wacky, the animation is incredibly colorful and the soundtrack music always seems to have your feet tapping. Watching
this film really brought out the inner child in me. I rarely find watching slapstick comedy (which is
what all the minions are meant for) and over the top characters interesting, but this movie seems to
break the mode.
Am I saying that this movie is the best thing out there? Of course not, but it is one of the few current
animated films that I wouldn’t object to watching alongside children or by myself.
I will give Despicable Me 2 a family outing for full price watch.
I saw my movie at The Sapphire Motion Pictures behind Madison Square Mall, where you can see the
newest movies for the surely the cheapest price in town?!
22
#080113082113
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
THE VALLEY PLANET
L I V E
I N
C O N C E
R T
AUGUST 7 • 7:30 PM
Mark C. Smith Concert Hall • Von Braun Center
Tickets: VBC Box Office • 1 800 745 3000 • All Ticketmaster Locations
www.ticketmaster.com
THE VALLEY PLANET
#080113082113
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
23
better rates plus
a whole lot more!
When you have a checking account at RFCU,
you’re automatically upgraded to Redstone
MemberPlus! You’ll get great benefits including
better rates on some loans.
Visit any branch or www.redfcu.org to sign
up and discover the value of membership.
Must be RFCU member to obtain loan. RFCU is an Equal Credit Opportunity
Lender. Must be eligible for membership and open a share account and
checking account. Minimum balance of $5.00 is required to open and
maintain share account. Loans subject to credit approval. Restrictions apply.
Contact us for details.
Federally Insured by NCUA.
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24
#080113082113
VOLUME 11 ISSUE 11
THE VALLEY PLANET

178 - Valley Planet

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