“Bahar” 5774 Verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse!

!!!"‫ לאין סוף ברוך הוא‬,‫"אין סוף תודות‬
!!"‫ ברוך שמו‬,‫"ברוך פודה ומציל‬
"...‫בס"ד "אין עוד מלבדו‬
Issue 659
.‫עלון שכולו קודש ללא שום פרסומות שקריאתן אסורה בשבת משום קריאת שטרי הדיוטות‬
“One who
embarrasses his
friend, causes the
Divine presence to
depart from Israel”!!
(Shelah Hakadosh)
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Lesson of Parshat “Bahar” 5774
Verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse!
It says in our Parshah: “ And you shall not wrong, one
man his fellow Jew, and you shall fear your G-o-d, for I
am the LORD, your G-o-d.”
The pasuk means: Do not hurt each other - not even in
speech!!!
The Sforno wrote: “Says G-d: I am strict on the suffering of
every person”! Meaning: Our father in Heaven commands us
not to hurt any Jew, and he emphasizes and warns us: I am
strict on the suffering inflicted on each and every person”!
This we must know, the suffering one inflicts on someone
else that brings about strict justice from the creator is not
only when one physically harms his friend causing him to
suffer, but even a person who causes his friend suffering
through speech alone, G-d will judge him strictly as well
and punish him.
Frightening! A grudge a person holds against his friend is
very dangerous, how much more dangerous is the grudge
of the creator of the world!!
This being the case, we must be very careful to evade this
severe grudge. How so? How do merit to careful in this
matter?
There is but one answer: We must judge every person on
the side of merit! We must not pass criticism on others.
Even if we see another Jew who stumbled and acted
improperly, we must advocate on his behalf and judge him
on the side of merit. Advocate non-stop!
To what extent?
When the Gaon Rav Yitzchak Zilberstein Shlit”a presided
as Rabbi of the Holon synagogue, a guest arrived on the
eve of the holy Shabbat asked to be the Chazan (one who
leads congregation in prayer). Obviously the Rabbi and the
Gabbaim immediately agreed to his request. How shocked
were the Gabbaim, they could not believe their ears when
they heard coins rattling in this man’s pocket.
When other congregants also commented and said they
heard the sound of rattling coins, the Rabbi waited for the
opportune moment which came right after the end of
prayers. After saying “Shabbat Shalom” to the honored
guest he told him gently: “I believe you made a mistake
and switched between the pants you wear on Shabbat
and those you wear during the week”. The man looked
down at his pants and asked: “How is that”? and while he
was speaking he recalled the coins in his pocket and he
immediately explained: Before I made aliyah to Eretz
Yisrael my teacher and Rabbi summoned me and gave
me coins with Holy Names engraved on them, for
protection and success, and it says in Halacha that
there is no prohibition of “Muktza” (desecration of the
Shabbat) with a coin that is an Amulet”. The Rabbi was
very happy to hear the true explanation of the man, he
turned to the congregants and said: “Behold and see to
what extent a person must be careful and judge
everyone favorably”!
One who merits to be cautious and judge every person
favorably is granted enormous success in both physical
and spiritual matters, and this is the reason Gideon merited
prophecy, since he always ‫לימד זכות‬, since in his days the
Jewish people were in trouble and G-d sought out a person
that will ‫ ילמד זכות‬on them, and he did not find one until
Gideon came and spoke in their defense, and with this
advocacy G-d rescued the entire Jewish nation and
bestowed prophecy on Gideon.
When a person fails and speaks accusingly about a fellow
Jew, G-d is immediately extremely angry with him and
punishes him, which is why when Eliyahu the prophet
spoke words of condemnation against the Jewish people,
he suddenly saw “a cake of burning coal” and G-d said to
him: “One who speaks in condemnation of my people it
is fitting to feed him burning coals”, and since Eliyahu
the prophet understood his mistake he interjected and
swore that from henceforth he will speak only of the merits
of the Jewish people, and from that moment until our
present day he tells G-d daily about the mitzvot and good
deeds that Am Yisrael perform.
R’ Yitzchak Isaac from Kaliv amazed us when he brought
down: “the Gematria (numerical value) of the verse: “ ‫הוי דן את‬
‫ כל האדם לכף זכות‬- Judge every man to the side of merit”
is exactly equal to the Gematria of the verse: “‫שמע ישראל‬
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!!!"‫ לאין סוף ברוך הוא‬,‫"אין סוף תודות‬
!!"‫ ברוך שמו‬,‫"ברוך פודה ומציל‬
‫ ה' אלוקינו ה' אחד‬- Hear O Israel Hashem is our G-d
Hashem is one”!
The man of G-d R’ Aharon of Belze Zts’l was very careful
with this and always only spoke words of praise about every
person - never words of slander. He used to say: “One who
merits to strive and rationalize (figure out) “a difficult
Rambam”, his reward is very great before our father in
heaven, but one who merits to strive and rationalize (the
actions of) “a difficult Jew” his merit is much greater”.
Sometimes a person allows himself to raise his voice on a
child that is wandering and disturbing yet there is a
prohibition of “‫ אונאת דברים‬- verbal abuse” for which
there is no forgiveness, for small children do not have the
power to forgive.
In the book “Peer Hador” it is told: Once the Chazon Ish
was speaking with one of his students when a boy of about
6 disturbed them again and again, all requests and
warnings the student gave the boy did not deter him as he
continued to bother them.
The student then raised his voice on the boy and said to
him: “If you do not stop disturbing I will tell your Rabbi
from your Torah Academy about this, and he will surely
punish you”!
When the Chazon Ish heard this he hastily reproached his
student and told him: “You should know! Within your
threat there is “verbal abuse”, for the child was saddened
by your words”!
When the student answered: “It is a mitzvah to educate
him”! The Chazon Ish answered: “This mitzvah of educating
the child is incumbent upon his father and Rabbi, his education
is not your responsibility, and anyone who yells or scolds a
child is also transgressing the prohibition of “verbal abuse”.
So strict were our sages in the severity of verbal abuse to point
they stated: “For all sins one is punished through a messenger
except verbal abuse, for one who causes his friend sorrow
with words - G-d himself punishes him (Baba Metzeiah 59’ A).
Wrote R’ Sherira Gaon: “One who embarrasses his friend
in public is banished until he appeases him appropriately in
accordance with his honour”. Rabenu Asher wrote: “It is
apparent that shaming with words is worse than shaming
through sabotage (action) for there is nothing as grave as
Lashon Hara and Libel that a person speaks against his
friend”. (‫)טור חו”מ א‬
We will conclude with the beautiful words of the Shelah
Hakadosh: “Anyone who is careful and judges every person
favorably, even if he has, G-d forbid, however many sins he
committed, the advocates of righteousness come and
recommend him, judging his actions on the side of merit
while the prosecution has no power to accuse him at all”.
May G-d save us from this terrible prohibition and help us
guard our tongue - always for the rest of our days, and may
we always see the good in our friends and not their
deficiencies, and speedily in our days may our eyes see
and our hearts rejoice in the coming of Mashiach and the
building our holy Temple Amen!!
With blessings for Shabbat Shalom
and Kol Tuv
Moshe Yazdi
"...‫"אין עוד מלבדו‬
‫בס"ד‬
Question:
Dear Rabbi, may you blessed with peace!
Before I start I do want to say that I do not believe that I
am sitting and writing you this letter since I was brought
up in an agnostic home and even today I continue to live
my life in this way. We are far and we distance ourselves
from anything remotely to do with religion, even though
it is not always pleasant for us this way as there are
religious people in almost every part of our country and
our widely divergent opinions aggravate one another
and cause a lot of unpleasantness.
To understand how despite all that I am now sitting and
writing a letter to a Jewish Rabbi, I will explain: About
ten months ago I met an important lawyer who lives in
the center of Israel and during our conversation he
quoted a very wise statement from you that I found
very appealing, and because of this I immediately
agreed to his suggestion of receiving your newsletter
from him every week by email. I am happy to write to
you that my wife and I enjoy reading it immensely even
though in some cases we do not agree with your
understanding of the issue at hand and reject your
opinion out of hand.
I might be too direct but that is how I am, I say what I
think. I will now explain the grievous problem that is
embittering the lives of my whole family, and I hope
you will find a way to help us.
We are talking about my older brother who has never
really succeeded in life although I cannot explain why
he always felt himself rejected by the family and
socially. When he reached the stage of financial
collapse he refused to accept any measure of help with
the claim that he wanted to deal with it himself, but
because he could not get a job he decided to solicit
donations from passersby. This causes us great shame
and distress and all our attempts to prevent him from
this vulgar way of life have been and are still useless.
Our precious father offered him a large enough amount
of money every month that he would be able to live
respectfully, but he refused completely with the claim
that he did not want to burden him and that he is not
prepared to accept help from others. He does justify
the collection of donations by saying “this is also a
form of work, I myself go around for a quite a few hours
every day doing this, and I am supporting myself”.
Lately my father became very angry because almost
everywhere he went he was very embarrassed when
they asked him “what happened to your son, why is he
doing this?” He therefore asked my sister and I to
sever any connection with our older brother.
On my mother's request I never did cut off connection
with him even though I am also very angry with him and
This newsletter is dedicated to the holy memory of our father, the Torah
!!!"‫ לאין סוף ברוך הוא‬,‫"אין סוף תודות‬
!!"‫ ברוך שמו‬,‫"ברוך פודה ומציל‬
when she misses him and wants to see him they meet
in my home.
Honored Rabbi! I must tell you that we are talking
about a wise and intelligent man who very much cares
about the embarrassment he is causing us, but he is
incapable of accepting our help for free and every day
he searches for a job and is deeply disappointed when
the employers reject his application. What do you
suggest honored Rabbi? How can we convince him to
stop soliciting funds? How do we stop this vicious
cycle of suffering that is causing us all to despair? This
awful problem has not only damaged our happiness in
life but also affected my parents’ health, therefore I
would be very grateful to receive your urgent reply.
Answer:
My Dear Agnostic friend!
A. I enjoyed reading your letter as your truthful character is
what caused you “not to worry about the outcome” and
write that you sometimes reject my opinion completely.
B. A few months ago I ate my Friday Night meal in Los
Angeles at the house of my good and close friend Leon
Mizrachi, he should be well, with about thirty people
enjoying themselves sitting around the table while thirstily
drinking my words, except one pleasant person, like
yourself, who announced “ I can stump you with
questions that you would not be able to answer and prove
to you that you are mistaken in your spiritual path” and
then he added and asked “are you prepared for this?” I
didn’t hesitate and answered immediately “On one
condition”. “What condition?” this pleasant fellow asked.
“If you prove to me that I am mistaken I will get up and light
a fire straight away” I answered, and then immediately
added “But if I prove that my path is correct and convince you
that you are the one who is mistaken , you will be obligated to
become religious immediately”. The pleasant one was shaken
a little and promised to return the next day with difficult
questions but for some reason the next day he preferred to
slander and defame and side tracked the real issues.
C. I will also say to you my distinguished friend “You cannot
reject my opinion out of hand without me being present,
and because I was very impressed by your honesty and
straightforwardness I would be happy to meet you and
discuss these matters with you.”
D. There is a psychological malady that results in a person
soliciting funds, and to my great distress, I had to treat a
wealthy man who used to go begging even though his
financial situation was very sound, but I am sure this is not
your brother’s situation, and I’ll keep the reasoning and
explanation to myself.
E. I have two powerful pieces of advice for you my dear
friend, that have the strength to cure and heal your
beautiful and tired souls. One I will explain now in writing,
but the second I will not put on paper because it is
complicated and I prefer to explain it to you personally in a
phone call or in a meeting.
F. The first piece of advice: Since your precious father is
prepared to pay your brother a large amount of money
every month and the only thing that stops this is your
brother’s fierce objection, and since your brother is still trying
"...‫"אין עוד מלבדו‬
‫בס"ד‬
hard to find employment and respectfully support himself
but the employers do not want to employ him, therefore, it
is worthwhile for you to approach an employer that your
brother is interested and happy to work for and offer the
employer that for a year you will secretly transfer to him
your brother’s wages. He will definitely be very pleased to
employ him happily and get an extra pair of hands for free.
G. Do not try to convince your brother to stop his ways! He
will not stop! Your requests will only make matters worse!
Do as I advise above and if you have any questions call me
directly at 050 5 202 102.
H. It is very difficult for me to end my answer without
relating to what you wrote at the beginning of your letter
“…and our widely divergent opinions aggravate one
another and cause a lot of unpleasantness.” Why and
for what reason? Why do different opinions have to cause
great unpleasantness? What is so difficult about accepting
every person as he is? It is correct and worthwhile to
encourage an attitude like this.
H. If you act wisely in honoring your brother, and through
your behavior he is convinced that you love him, it will
surely hasten your salvation very much.
I. With abundant blessing for a peaceful Shabbat, good
life and May we all have total general and personal
salvation!! kol tuv!
Since every Friday eve (Thursday night) after midnight
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Scholar Kvod Harav Yashar ben Tzion Ben Shifra, of blessed memory.
!!!"‫ לאין סוף ברוך הוא‬,‫"אין סוף תודות‬
!!"‫ ברוך שמו‬,‫"ברוך פודה ומציל‬
"...‫"אין עוד מלבדו‬
‫בס"ד‬
A rally of Chizuk and for the elevation of the soul!!!
Marking four years since the death of the crown of our head, My beloved husband, Mor our father, our brother and our
grandfather, who spent nights and days in synagogues and in beit Medrash, who pursued his studies consistently,
who was a great servant of G-d, who merited to and smiled happily to each and every person and always courted the
heartbroken and the less fortunate ones to bring them closer and to host them on his table, and with his sweet words
brought many back to our father in heaven
Kvod Harav Yashar Ben-Tzion Yazdi Zts”l
Ben Mula Aba Yehuda Zts”l and Shifra A”h.
We will perform Beezrat Hashem a huge Chizuk and awakening rally for the elevation of his pure soul on
Monday 26 of Iyar 5774 (May 26th 2014) in the “Amude Hashalom” Synagogue
located at 21 Rabbi Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld st. in “Beit Yisrael” neighborhood in Jerusalem.
Mincha at 7:00PM promptly, and then will speak respected rabbis, public figures,
sons and sons in law of the deceased, May they all have good and long life.
The next day, Tuesday, we will gather on his gravesite location at 6:00PM to read Mishnayos, Zohar and Tehillim, and
ask mercy on his gravesite (on Har Hamenuhot South, Givat Shaul, the plot of the Persians), and join the many good
people who merited and received their salvation after they asked him to be an advocate for them in heaven.
His friends and admirers in his life and after his death, because of reading about him, who need assistance and
guidance to arrive to the memorial service or to the Tefila that will be held on his gravesite, should call:
052-6356-222, 052-8908-065
G-d bless you and kol tuv.
The family.
"Telling the stories of the Zadikim (righteous), causes the heart to
ignite and awaken to Hashem"!!! (Rabbi Nachman of Breslov Zts”l)
Reb Zalman the milkman lay ill on his bed, his head burnt like fire, and his body ached. His illness was not life threatening,
however, it threatened his livelihood. It was a time of poverty in Yerushalaim, food was scarce, and could only be gotten with
special coupons. During those harsh days Reb Zalman was laying in his bed, as if he didn't need to provide for his fami ly.
What could he possibly do?!? More than he was ill, Reb Zalman was worried. In those days milk was not sold in the stores,
but rather, it was distributed by milkmen to the various houses. Every morning, before dawn, they would get up do their hard
job, not even the stormy snow would stop them. Each milkman had his own territory. When Reb Zalmaan fell ill, he knew he
had a real problem, his customers will not give up milk, and there was a real danger that another milkman will take over his
territory. That was the reason why more than he was ill, Reb Zalman was worried!
And so, just what he feared happened... he heard a rumor that his territory was taken over by non-other than Reb Pinchas
Shmuel the milkman.
He knew Reb Pinchas Shmuel, he had the territory next to his. What could he do? The customers are right, they need the
milk, and he Reb Zalman is bed ridden. His mood darkened... on the balance didn't just lay jugs of milk, but his livelihood, his
future, his life, and the life of his family! Knocks on the door interrupted his thoughts... "You may enter" he whispered in a weak
voice. The door squeaked as it opened, and the figure of Reb Pinchas Shmuel the milkman entered the room. He approached
Reb Zalman, asked how he felt and handed him a tightly tied bundle. Reb Zalman opened the bundle, and discovered a large
sum of money. To the mute astonishment of Reb Zalman, Reb Pinchas Smuel answered kindly and simply: "why are you
surprised? This is the money from the milk distribution in your territory. I noticed your absence and I was worried that your
customers will find another milkman, so I got up each morning before my usual time, and distributed milk in your territory, so
that it will remain yours." Reb Zalman was very moved, he refused to take the money, and explained why: "Indeed you woke up
early, and were deprived of the little sleep you get, why should you give me the money?! It's enough for me that you guarded my
territory." But for the hunger that prevailed in the city, he would have stood his ground, and refuse to take the money.
(From the book "Ish Le'Re'ehu" ("Each Other") by Rabbi Itzhak Krizer Shlit"a)