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Vol. 29,
Number 52,
Issue 1389,
August 10, 2016
If calories
are an issue,
store your
chocolate
on top of
the fridge.
Calories
are afraid
of heights
and they
will jump
out of the
chocolate
to protect
themselves.
The views and opinions expressed in Toons are not necessarily those of its advertisers.
All Contents Copyright Toons, by LemCo Productions, Inc. Richard Lem, Publisher • Nancy and Steve Qvale, Editors
Published weekly and distributed throughout the Greater Ames Metro Area. For Advertising or other questions contact:
Richard Lem, 27554 Timber Road, Kelley, IA 50134-8559, 515-231-6214, toons@huxcomm.net
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“Why is summer mist romantic and autumn mist just sad?” ― Dodie Smith
Page 2, August 10, 2016, ‘Toons
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7/13/16
Trevor’s Essay and Deep Thoughts
by Trevor Soderstrum
The Democratic National
Convention: What It Said
About Republicans
While the Republicans in Cleveland looked
like a high school production of the Salem witch
trials, the Democrats gathering in Philadelphia a
week later looked like a star-studded Broadway
production. Oh, there was an off note or two. Vice
presidential nominee Senator Tim Kaine resembled
a bubbly understudy that got onto the stage because
one of the leads broke their leg. He overacted and
underwhelmed, but showed all the signs of being
a perfectly good boring vice president who can
disappear for months on end and be dusted off for
a funeral or ribbon cutting when needed. There
might have been a lot of chaos behind the scenes,
but the Democrats had an extremely well organized
convention, amazingly well organized.
For the democratic faithful across the nation,
it was going to a rock concert with all your favorite
bands. They might be a little older, a little grayer,
and an artificial hip here and there, but they could
still hit the high notes. Even the lesser-known acts
rose to the occasion. The only thing missing was a
thousand Bic lighters being waved in the air, some
kid yelling, “Play Free Bird,” and a couple hippy
chicks on their boyfriends’ shoulders flashing the
stage. The latter is probably a good thing as nobody
wants Bill Clinton having another heart attack.
About half the military brass was there. The
crowd repeatedly chanted “USA, USA, USA.”
There were speeches that mentioned God and
Jesus. They had Gold Star mothers, real celebrities,
and the speeches were amazing. They brought on
stage the first openly transsexual speaker, (sorry,
Ann Coulter) to speak at a major political party’s
convention (Sarah McBride) and no one even
noticed, not even the police in North Carolina
restrooms checking gender identification. Bill,
Barack, Joe Biden, Chelsea, and too many speakers
to mention did the impossible; they made Hillary
look human and likeable. It was watching that
moment in Frankenstein where the doctor screams,
“It’s alive. It’s alive,”. Hillary Clinton sounded less
like a mom reminding her children the importance
of wearing clean underwear and more like someone
having a good time. Even the balloon drop went
well.
Things went so well that conservative
commentators were left grasping at straws to
complain about. There was some outrage expressed
about gender neutral bathrooms at the convention,
actor Bradley Cooper’s presence there, and Bill
O’Reilly’s need to mention that the slaves that built
the White House in Michelle Obama’s speech were
“were well fed and had decent lodgings.”
Fox News’s Tucker Carlson got bent out shape
about the presence of gender-neutral bathrooms,
finding them “disgusting.” As troubling as it would
be to sit in a stall next to Donna Brazile and ask her
for a few squares of toilet paper, there was only one
gender-neutral bathroom in the entire convention
hall. It was right next to the media booth on talk
radio row, so Mark Levine could feel at home. Let
me repeat, uno, less than two, one. Do you know
what most women’s main concern about it was? I
am not making this up: that it remain clean. In other
words, men are pigs. The only thing disgusting
in that bathroom was Tucker Carlson dribbling on
the floor. The dinosaurs did not die out because of
gender-neutral bathrooms and neither will we.
Some conservatives had meltdowns over actor
Bradley Cooper, who played Chris Kyle in Clint
Eastwood’s American Sniper. They thought he was
one of theirs! Sit down. How do I say this? Actors
aren’t really the roles they play. Seth Rogan is not
an out of control pothead like in Pineapple Express.
Okay, bad example. Mel Gibson is not a half-crazed
Aussie road warrior. Another bad example. Acting
is just pretending, like what Melania Trump has to
do every time she sees “The Donald” in his boxers.
Daniel Craig is not a martini-swigging secret agent
with a license to kill. Daniel Radcliffe is not a boy
wizard. Tom Hanks doesn’t sit on park benches
eating boxes of chocolates. Similarly, Bradley
Cooper does not fly around the galaxy with a talking
tree, nor does he run around Las Vegas trying to
figure out where his friend is because he blacked out
the previous evening or tote around a sniper rifle.
He is from Philadelphia, has given money to Hillary
Clinton, and been invited to the Obama White
House for a state dinner. Republicans, you got Scott
Baio. What more could you want?
Speed Bump
by Dave
Coverly
Dave Coverly is the 2009 Winner of Reuben Award
for Outstanding Cartoonist of the Year!
Finally, some conservatives took umbrage over
Michelle Obama’s remark that slave labor helped
build the capital and the White House. It was an
uplifting comment about how far we have come
as a society. In the house once built by slaves, her
children now play on the lawn. In case you did not
know it, the Obamas are black. A group of people
that were not considered fully human because of the
color of their skin are now able to have the same
dreams that any other American can have. It is a red,
white and blue antidote. Who could possibly find
fault with that? Bill O’Reilly, who has “written”
several heavily haunted books on American history,
wanted his viewers to know that the slaves, among
others, who built the capital and White House were
“well fed and had decent lodging.” If O”Reilly
wants to be an apologist for slavery, he could at
least get his history right. First Lady Abigail Adams,
who was there, noted that the slaves “were half-fed,
and destitute of cloathing.” There was no upside in
being owned by someone else. Gone With The Wind
was just a movie, there were no happy slaves who
loved picking cotton and knew nothing about giving
birth to no babies, and O’Reilly is an idiot.
There it would have ended. The Democratic
Convention would have come and gone, forgotten
in a few months, except for the gift of stupidity that
keeps on giving named Donald J. Trump. Donald
doesn’t need the “liberal media” to misrepresent
what he says and tweets. He does a great job all on
his own. He was so angry that he wanted to “hit”
a few of the speakers at the DNC for what they
said about him. He is a 70-year-old who doesn’t
exercise, attended an elite prep school, lives in
a Manhattan penthouse that looks like a French
prostitute threw up, and has tiny, little fists. This
is not a recipe for a tough guy. In a fight between
a six-year-old little girl and The Donald, I would
double down on the six-year-old. Donald Trump is a
guy who eats his fried chicken with a knife and fork
(not making this up) and sits on golden chairs. The
only thing tough about Trump are his steaks.
One of the people Trump wanted to punch was
Khizr Khan, the father of Humayun Khan who was
killed in Iraq in 2004, a soldier who heroically died
for his country. You don’t verbally attack grieving
parents of a war hero. It is getting in a fistfight with
a kid in a wheelchair. He might be a tough kid, but
even if you win, you lose. Khan, a little unpolished
in the ways of public speaking, with his wife beside
him, delivered the most powerful speech of the
convention as he spoke of the last ten steps his son
took as he advanced on a suicide bomber. He said,
“Maybe that’s the point where all the values, all the
service to country, all the things he learned in this
country kicked in. It was those values that made
him take those 10 steps. Those 10 steps told us we
did not make [a] mistake in moving to this country.
These were the values we wanted to adopt. Not
religious values, human values.” Mr. Kahn went on
to say that Donald Trump has “sacrificed nothing,
and no one”, needed to read the constitution, and
visit Arlington National Cemetery. Even I, who have
no emotions or feelings, (being Norwegian and all),
got a tear in my eye.
Instead Donald Trump asked where are the
gasoline and matches. He implied that Mrs. Kahn
did not speak because “maybe she was not allowed
to,” enter racist Muslim stereotype here, instead
of bothering to learn that pictures of her dead son
make her weep and she did not want to break down
in front of the millions of people watching. He
went on to imply that Kahn, a lawyer, could not
have possibly written his own speech, enter another
Muslim stereotype here, and that he, the Donald,
had made all kinds of sacrifices - like building a
business, working hard, hiring people, and sleeping
with women that rank a solid 9 in the looks
category. Okay, I added the last one, but you know
he was thinking it. Those aren’t sacrifices! Compare
that to losing a child for your adopted nation.
This was not about radical Islam or political
correctness. It was about being a jackass to grieving
parents. I truly believed we would never have a
presidential candidate who could conduct himself
in such a manner. I also thought Republicans loved
our military. I hope the voters remember Humayun
Khan’s last ten steps as they walk into the voters’
booth this November.
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515-257-6317
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Body by Design defines the basic anatomy and
physiology in each of 11 body systems from a
creational viewpoint. Every chapter explores the
wonder, beauty, and creation of the human body,
giving evidence for creation, while exposing faulty
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Off the Mark
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129 Lincoln Way
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F-Sun 2pm - 2am 8/10/16
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$8.99
$7.49
Burgers
Hamburger + Fries
$5.99
Cheeseburger + Fries
$6.50
Double Cheeseburger + Fries$7.99
Lamb Burger + Fries
$7.99
Mediterranean Burger + Fries$7.99
T-Bone / Ribeye / $14.99
Sirloin Dinner
Lamb Shoulder Dinner
$14.99
Lamb Chop Dinner
$12.99
Tandoori Chicken Dinner $14.99
Grilled Paneer Dinner
$9.99
Paneer Burrito + Fries
$7.00
Chicken Sharwarma + Fries $8.99
Smoked Brisket Sand. +Fries $6.99
Smoked Cured Beef
Sandwich + Fries
$6.99
Lamb Curry
$12.99
Lamb Bryani
$12.99
Vegetarian • Hummus
Kabobs • & More
Pammel Grocery & Grill
113 Colorado Ave., Ames, in Colorado Junction
Grocery: Sun & Mon 11-7, Tues-Sat 11-8
Grill: Tues-Sat 11-7, closed 1pm-2pm Fri
www.pammelgroceryames.com • 292-9700
STOP!
6/22/16
•Yellow lights - you cannot pass in either direction
•Red lights + Stop Arm - you must STOP!
•First Offense - $250 minimum or 30 days
Pay Attention! Be Safe! Stop!
Rating: SILVER
8/10/16
Solution to 7/21/16
526 Main St., Ames, IA • 515-292-6663
email files to s@niteowlprint.com
Daily Specials
Monday
Two combinations (1-16), Small
cheese dip or small quacamole
& Two soft drinks $20
Tuesday
All you can eat Tacos
$7.25
Thursday
Any flavor Daiquiri
$1.99
Domestic Beer
$1.75
7/22/16
Rating: GOLD
Solution to 7/22/16
Wednesday
Any flavor Margaritas
$1.99
5/4/16
Ready to Work for You!
Friday & Saturday
Any flavor Margaritas,
20 oz — $4.99
Sunday
Imported Beer
$2.15
Any Desserts
1/2 price
New in the Northern Lights Center, Ames
• 823 Wheeler St. #5 • 515-450-5175
Also in Story City • 1518 Broad St. • 515-722-0088 5/25/16
7/23/16
Creators
310-337-7003 • info@creators.com
Strange Brew
by Wulff &
Morgenthaler
by John Deering
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Strange Brew
Rating: GOLD
Solution to 7/19/16
7/20/16
by John Deering
8/10/16
Our Biggest
& Best
Selection Ever!
Welcome Back
SALE!
Kawasaki 50th
Summer Specials!
OurPre-OwnedInventory-Motorcycles
Year
Model
Sale
50MX
White
BigWheel
NA
2012
2012
2011
2011
2005
2005
2003
2002
1993
1987
1985
CMX250
CBR250
VT1300
VT750
CN250s
CRF100
VT1100
VT750
GL1500SE
VFR700F2H
GL1200
Red
Red
Burg
Black
White
Red
Red
Black
White
R,W,&B
Gold
Rebel
CBR
Intrstate
ShdwPhntm
Helix
Dirt
ShdwSbr
shdwspirit
GoldWing
Interceptor
GoldWing
5,949
3,457
22,867
15,700
34,479
NA
10,891
NA
120k
24,733
55,954
2015
2014
2012
2011
2011
2010
2009
2009
2009
2008
2008
2008
2008
2008
2007
2007
2004
2004
2003
1981
EN650S
KLX250S
VN900
ZX-6R
KLR650
VN900
VN900
KLE650
EX650
KLR650
VN1600
KLE650
VN900C8F
VN900
VN1600
VN900
VN800B9
VN800B9
ZG1200B17
KZ305
green
Black
Tan/Burg
Green
Blk/Silv
Blue
DkBlue
Green
Red
Blk/Silv
Red
Red
Red
Black
Black
Red
Blue
Blue
Silver
Black
Ninja
Dirt
LT
Ninja
Dual
Custom
Custom
Versys
Ninja
Dual
MeanStreak
Versys
Custom
Classic
MeanStreak
Custom
Classic
Classic
VoyagerVII
CSR
759 $6,195wrnty
1,697
$4,295.00
5,480
$6,595.00
3,386
$7,995.00
11,661
$4,995.00
8,746
$5,295.00
5,118
$4,495.00
10,706
$5,995.00
7,272 Callforprice
3,418
$3,995.00
3,894
$5,395.00
22,575
$5,695.00
9,171
$4,295.00
6,944
$4,695.00
10,705
$5,295.00
19,821
$3,695.00
3,083
$3,295.00
34,630
$3,295.00
17,792
$4,995.00
18,937
$895.00
2007
1986
S50
VS700
White
Black
Boulevard
Intruder
13,982
19,896
$4,295.00
$2,195.00
2015
2007
2007
X-Race50
Sunset50
LaserR-9
Black
Yellow
Blue
X-Race50
Sunset
LaserR-9
335
3,530
1,556
$1,599.00
$1,295.00
$1,695.00
T-214
Blu/wht
BonnevilleSE
1,779
$8,295.00
FZ9
XT250
XVS650
XVS95
XVS650
XVS650
XV250
FZS-6
YP400
XV1000
GT80
Gray
Black
Black
Blue
Blue
Silver
Burgandy
Blue
Blue
Blu/wht
Yellow
Sport
Dirt
V-Star
V-Star
V-Star
V-Star
V-Star
Fazer
Majesty
Virago
GT80
88
10,623
9,355
16,694
1,585
7,037
2,592
12,390
33,456
20,452
NA
$6,995.00
$3,995.00
$4,295.00
$4,295.00
$4,295.00
$3,995.00
$2,895.00
$4,295.00
$2,995.00
$2,195.00
$1,295.00
Suzuki
TGB
Triumph
2015
Yamaha
2015
2014
2011
2009
2009
2009
2009
2008
2007
1998
1973
2016 Mule Pro-FX™ EPS
Miles
1998
Kawasaki
2016 Teryx®
Description
ATK
Honda
New 2014 EX300 Ninja
Black. was $4,999 NOW $4,249
others on Sale too!
Color
Year
OurPre-OwnedInventory-ATVs
Kawasaki
2009
$1,295.00
Model
KVF750
Color
Camo
Description
BruteForce
Miles
342hrs
$2,795.00
$3,495.00
$7,595.00
$6,895.00
$2,295.00
$1,295.00
Callforprice
$2,395.00
$5,295.00
Callforprice
$4,595.00
Sale
$5,995.00
We Service All Makes & Models
631 W. Lincoln Way, Nevada, Iowa
515-382-6900
www.adamscyclesinc.com
adamscyclesinc@gmail.com

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