mountain chatter 5-21-15

THURSDAYS
THURSDAY, MAY 21, 2015
COARSEGOLD PEDDLERS
MARKET & ANTIQUE &
COLLECTIBLE SHOW
This FRIDAY thru Monday
At the Coarsegold Historic Village, Hwy 41, Downtown
Coarsegold. Over 100 vendors with an%ques, collec%bles, food, & lots more!
YOSEMITE JAZZ BAND plays tonight
6:30PM-8:30PM, Pizza Factory, Oakhurst. Every Thursday thru summer!
Info: Pam 683-2700 or Berl 642-2221.
PANCAKE BREAKFAST: ALL-U-CANEAT PANCAKES, this Saturday, from
7AM-NOON, Coarsegold Community
Center, Hwy 41. Only $5.00!!!
PLAYWRITING CLASS, starts
this Thursday, May 21, from 6PM8PM, at the Oakhurst Branch Library, Community Room. Playwriting Class is offered by Carol Wolf,
award-winning playwright & author. For teens & adults
Meets
every Thursdayfrom 5/21-6/11.
First class FREE.
Donations
are
accepted for remaining 3 classes. For info call
Library 683-4838 or visit: oakhurstfobl.com
I was visiting my son this week and
FAMILY
asked him where his newspaper was.
DISCOVERY DAY,
He laughed and said, “Dad, it’s the 21st
century. We stopped buying newspaSaturday, May 23
pers years ago. It saves trees. But you
10AM-1PM
can borrow my iPad.” “Okay, fine, whatChurch of Latter Day Saints
ever. “But that lousy housefly never
on School Rd
knew what hit it.
Come learn new ways to find your
roots, learn how to get started on
finding your family history. Daughters of American Revolution, DaughSon, I'm worried about your being at the
ters of the Utah Pioneer, Coarsegold bottom of the class."
Historical Museum and Fresno Flats "Pop, they teach the same stuff at both
will be on hand. Everyone welcome ends."
to attend. Info: Sharon Weaver 559- “The teacher said I must learn to write
679-7693.
more legibly," the child told his mother. "But, if I do, she'll find out that I can't
spell."
DID YOU KNOW?
Douglas MacArthur’s mother used to
send le?ers to his military superiors
sugges%ng they promote her son.
Why does a blonde dog have lumps on
his head? From chasing parked cars!
MEMORIAL DAY
Every year,
Americans observe Memorial Day on
the last Monday in May. Originally
called "Decoration Day", it is a day
designated to commemorate those who
have died in combat while serving in
the US Armed Forces. Memorial Day is
often confused with Veteran’s Day,
which is celebrated to honor all living
soldiers and sailors who have served in
an American war. It originates back to
the American Civil War to commemorate the Union and Confederate soldiers who died in the Civil War. By the
20th century, Memorial Day had been
extended to honor all Americans who
have died while in the service of their
country. Since 1971, when President
Nixon declared it a national holiday,
Memorial Day has been observed on
the last Monday in May by most states.
SIGN-UP FOR MCALERT, Saturday, May
23, from 8am-3pm, Coarsegold Peddlers Fair, Coarsegold. MCAlert is used
to notify residents regarding emergency evacuation during fire season, natural disasters, such as floods, severe
weather, and locating missing persons.
Community Service Officers & Citizens
on Patrol will be at booth to help you
sign up.
MOUNTAIN NEWS, EVENTS, JOKES —- ALL ONLINE!
www.themountainchatter.com
SAVE THE DATE!!!
SATURDAY, JULY 11th!
A real life Hero coming to our area!
DID YOU KNOW? The ‘spot’ on 7UP
SPEAKER: Kris ‘Tanto’ Paronto
10 am – 2:00 pm
Sun Mountain Gun Club
Coarsegold
(North of Chukchansi, off Hwy 41)
Learn the truth about Benghazi from
Survivor and co-author of ’13
Hours’ Kris ‘Tanto’ Paronto!
BBQ—Book Signing –Photo Op
Op:on to shoot with “Tonto”!
For more Info:
kimbuck@aLtude.com
Make Advance Reserva:ons NOW!
$35 Reserve with PayPal.
comes from its inventor who had a
red eye. He was albino.
...AND DID YOU ALSO KNOW?
During the chariot scene in ‘Ben Hur’
a small red car can be seen in the distance.
It takes 17 muscles in your face to
smile, 43 to frown.
MOUNTAIN NEWS, EVENTS, & MORE JOKES ONLINE!
www.themountainchatter.com
"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruc%on
printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade
is not our friend." - U.S. Army
"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very,
very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop
MILITARY MANUAL CHUCKLES "Tracers
work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance
"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal
"If your a?ack is going too well, you're
probably walking into an ambush." Infantry Journal
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you
have nothing to do." - Unknown Army Recruit
"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people
around you." - Your Buddies
"If you see a bomb technician running,
try to keep up with him." - U.S. Ammo
Troop
If the enemy is in range, so are you." Infantry Journal
"A slipping gear could let your M203
grenade launcher fire when you least
expect it. That would make you quite
unpopular in what's leQ of your unit."
- Army's magazine of preven%ve maintenance
Charley, a new re%ree-greeter at WalMart, just couldn't seem to get to
work on %me. Every day he was 5, 10,
15 minutes late. But he was a good
worker, really %dy, clean-shaven,
sharp-minded and a real credit to the
company and obviously demonstra%ng their "Older Person Friendly"
policies. One day the boss called him
into the office for a talk. "Charley, I
have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but being late so oQen
is quite bothersome." "Yes, I know
boss, and I am working on it." "Well
good, you are a team player. That's
what I like to hear." "Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will
try harder." Seeming puzzled, the
manager went on to comment, "I
know you're retired from the
Armed Forces. What did they say to
you there if you showed up late so
often?" The old man looked down,
then smiled. He chuckle quietly,
the said with a grin, "They usually
saluted and said, Good morning,
Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?
ADORABLE ADOPTABLE
Hello, remember me? I'm Nicki, the adorable Chihuahua!
Now why am I s%ll looking for a home, you ask? Well, let
me tell you....that darned Taco Bell dog has flooded the
doggie adop%on market with the likes of me! Chihuahua's
here, Chihuahua's there .....Chihuahua's everywhere! I am
just a li?le guy, ready for a great home...please!
Eastern Madera County S.P.C.A 683
683-1266 www.emcspca.org
WANT TO ADVERTISE? (559)683-8309 Email: mountainchatter@gmail.com
When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following is
the chain of events: A real man uses
black charcoal from a 245 pound bag.
He squeezes a pint of lighter fluid onto the charcoal. Then he lights a
match by striking it against one of the
following surfaces:
1 - the concrete sidewalk
2 - the side of his house
3 - the stubble on his face.
The flames should shoot up to
about 1 half of 1 inch from his eyebrows. In fact, any man that s%ll
has all his eyebrows is not a man who
has grilled. At this point, a man
squirts another 3 quarts of lighter fluid on the fire. Why? Because it's cool.
A little girl took her report card home
and showed it to mom. The mother
was very disappointed by all the very
low grades. "Well look on the bright
side" said the child, "you know for sure
I don't cheat."
The gorge of the Grand Canyon is 217 miles
long. 56 of those miles are in the Grand Canyon Na%onal Park in Arizona. The canyon
varies in width from 4 to 18 miles.
Get 10% OFF with this coupon
A blonde wanted to know whether she
could take her new dog on board an
airplane. The customer services assistant said it would be fine as long as
she paid $50 and provided her own
kennel. “The kennel,” he added,
“needed to be large enough for the
dog to stand up, sit down, turn around
and roll over.” The woman replied: “Oh
dear, I'll never be able to teach him all
"Have you ever seen a $20 bill all crumpled that by tomorrow!”
up?" asked the wife. "No," I said. She gave
me a sexy li?le smile, reached into her purse
and pulled out a crumpled $20 bill. "Have
you ever seen a $50 bill all crumpled up?"
she asked. "No," I said. She gave me another
sexy smile, reached into her bra and pulled
out a crumpled $50 bill. "Now," she said,
"Have you ever seen $40,000 all crumpled
up?" "No," I said, intrigued. "Well, go and take
a quick look in the garage."
These are actual phrases from Officer
Efficiency Reports (performance appraisal for the military officers).
“Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.”
“Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.”
“A room temperature IQ.”
“Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plas%c
thingy to hold it all together.”
“A photographic memory but with the
lens cover glued on.”
“A prime candidate for natural deselec%on.”
“Bright as Alaska in December.”
“Donated his brain to science before
he was done using it.”
“Fell out of the family tree.”
“Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”
“Has two brains: one is lost and the
other is out looking for it.”
“If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate.”
“If you give him a penny for his
thoughts you’d get change.”
Teacher: "George Washington not only
chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admi?ed doing it. Now do you
know why his father didn't punish
him?"
John: "Because George s%ll had the axe
in his hand."
What did one flag say to the other flag?
Nothing. It just waved!
THURSDAY, MAY 21: PLAYWRITING CLASS, 6PM-8PM, Oakhurst Branch
Library, Community Room. First class FREE. Dona%ons accepted for remaining 3 classes. For info call Library 683-4838
or visit: oakhursXobl.com
ITALIAN BUFFET, The Blue Heron, YLP Clubhouse.
OAKHURST FARMERS MARKET, 5PM-7PM, True Value Homecenter, Oakhurst. Every Thursday thru October. 683-7117.
YOSEMITE JAZZ BAND, 6:30PM=8:30PM, Pizza Factory, Oakhurst. Info: Pam 683-2700 or Berl:642-2221.
FRIDAY, MAY 22: COARSEGOLD PEDDLERS MARKET, Coarsegold Historic
Village . An%ques & Collec%bles.
YLP LIVE ON THE LAKE, YLPClubhouse. Music: Dave Henderson
OAKHURST SIDEWALK SALE, Oakhurst.
GO TO OUR
WEBSITE
TheMountainChatter.com
Your Mountain
Radio Station
SATURDAY, MAY 23: COARSEGOLD PEDDLERS MARKET, Coarsegold Historic
Village . An%ques & Collec%bles.
SIGN-UP FOR MCAlert, 8am-3pm, Coarsegold Peddlers Fair,
Coarsegold. Ci%zens on Patrol will be at booth to help you
sign up.
FAMILY DISCOVERY DAY, 10AM-1PM, Church of La?er Day
Saints , School Rd. FREE. Come learn new ways to find your
roots, learn how to get started on finding your family history.
Info: Sharon 559-679-7693.
BINGO AT THE ELKS LODGE, 42484 Hwy 41 (at Bass Lake
Turnoff) Doors open 10AM, Bingo starts 12 Noon.
PANCAKE BREAKFAST: ALL-U-CAN-EAT PANCAKES, 7AMNOON, Coarsegold Community Center, Hwy 41. $5.00. Includes pancakes, biscuit & gravy, made-to-order eggs, juice &
coffee. Benefits Coarsegold Community Center.
OAKHURST SIDEWALK SALE, Oakhurst.
PET ADOPTIONS, 10AM-2PM, Steve’s Tropical Fish &Pet Shop,
Hwy 41, Oakhurst.
SUNDAY, MAY 24: COARSEGOLD PEDDLERS MARKET, Coarsegold Historic
Village . An%ques & Collec%bles. For info 683-3900.
OAKHURST SIDEWALK SALE, Oakhurst.
Great Hits of the
50’s & 60’s
MONDAY, MAY 25: MEMORIAL DAY
COARSEGOLD PEDDLERS MARKET, Coarsegold Historic Village . An%ques & Collec%bles.