Internet Dating e-book

Transcription

Internet Dating for Dummies Like Me--Find Your Match in 30 Days or Less
Dating at the Speed of Light—How to Stop Being a Cyber Space Wall Flower and Get
the Most out of Internet Dating.
CHAPTER I-- BEFORE THE INTERNET
One Woman Per Year
Hunting Grounds
Conventional Dating
Dating at the Speed of Light—basic fears
1
CHAPTER II --YOUR PROFILE
The Magic of Photos
Don’ts
Do’s
How to Write a Profile to Generate Interest
4
CHAPTER III -- THE INTERNET DATING TRAPS
The abundance trap:
The independence trap:
The grass is greener trap:
The cocky trap:
The sex trap:
The commitment trap:
The have to have a date trap:
The procrastination trap:
Look stupid trap:
Only Interest Trap:
The break up trap:
The lazy trap:
The too old trap:
Assume the computer does it all trap:
The Don’t take charge trap or the What would you like to do Trap:
Nice Guy Trap:
The Email Trap
Recently Separated/Divorced Trap
13
CHAPTER IV—FLITATEOUS EMAILS
Power of Emails:
Creativeness
24
CHAPTER V -- FREQUENTLY MADE MISTAKES AND RULES
OF THUMB TO AVOID MAKING THEM
Phone number rule of thumb
Enthusiastic and aggressive rule of thumb.
Sign off with class rule:
Separation rule:
28
CHAPTER VI -- FIRST PHONE CALL
Option #1—matter of fact.
Option #2—fun option
31
CHAPTER VII -- FIRST MEETING—THE JOB INTERVIEW
Job Interview
Your Appearance
Flowers and Roses
Compliments
Read this Before Every Date:
32
CHAPTER VIII --YOUR FIRST DATE
36
The Dinner Conspiracy?
The Alternative to Expensive Restaurant Dinners—a More Romantic
Approach
Two More Rules
Movie Rule
Be Available Rule
Other Alternatives to Expensive Dinners
CHAPTER IX -- RULES OF INTIMACY & TIPS FOR WOMEN
How to Avoid Intimacy Tip:
Classy Way to Put the Move on a Guy
Restaurant Seating Tip
Movie house tip:
Saying good night tip:
38
CHAPTER X—STEPS IN RELATIONSHIP
Completing the Puzzle—Finding that Soul Mate
Step I—First Meeting
Step II—Three Date Rule
Step III—Living Together
Step IV—Maybe Marriage?
A Method of Discovery that Failed:
40
CHAPTER XI -- GUY TIPS
Shy Guy Tip
Guaranteed Easy Way to Kiss and not get turned down ever tip!
Early kissing rule for car ride:
Subsequent dates tips:
When to risk the relationship
Rule of sex talk:
Rules of Past Relationship Talk.
Take charge rule:
The doubt rule:
Hot Dates:
50
Rules of Intimacy and its Confusion
What Defines Physical Intimacy?
Multitasking
Men from Mars and Women from Venus
CHAPTER XII -- THE GRASS IS GREENER ADDICTION
Option Shopping
Limitations Imposed by Church and Sin
Saying good bye:
Reality of Confusions:
58
CHAPTER XIII -- PRACTICE AND HAVE FUN EVEN
OUTSIDE YOUR LOCAL AREA
Give a compliment rule:
Good Time Rule:
62
CHAPTER XIV -- DATING SKILLS
66
CHAPTER XV – LET’S GO INTERNATIONAL
Brazil
68
PART II
EXPERIENCES AND COMMUNICATION
CHAPTER I – STAR CHASER CHAPTER:
75
CHAPTER II -- OUT CLASSED AND KNOCKED OUT BY JEANETTE
79
CHAPTER III – MAIVIAN
83
CHAPTER IV – ROBERTA
85
CHAPTER V – JEANNIE
89
CHAPTER VI – GAIL
95
CHAPTER VII – Ljie
96
CHAPTER VIII – JUDIE
97
CHAPTER IX – KAREN
100
CHAPTER X – PAULA
104
PART III
ALMOST A MATCH
CHAPTER I GETTING TO KNOW HER
105
CHAPTER II -- FIRST MEETING
107
CHAPTER III --I FIRST DATE
109
CHAPTER IV -- MAKING DINNER AT HER PLACE
110
CHAPTER V -- MORE DATES
117
CHAPTER VI -- INTIMACY BEGINS
128
CHAPTER VII—WEDDING TRIP
146
CHAPTER VIII -- SETTLING INTO RELATIONSHIP
150
CHAPTER IX -- TEST #1
156
CHAPTER X -- THE LAST TEST
169
CHAPTER XI-- THE BEGINNING OF THE END
172
PART IV
INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER I – DIANE
183
CHAPTER II JM
185
CHAPTER III – JANE
189
CHAPTER IV – CHRISTINE
191
CHAPTER V RITA:
192
CHAPTER VI -- GREEN EYES
194
CHAPTER VII – MARIE
197
CHAPTER VIII—NEW PROFILE
200
PART V
INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER I – THE FINAL APPROACH (KISS)
203
CHAPTER II -- LET’S GO FOR CHINESE
206
APPENDIX A – SAVE A FORTUNE BY COOKING AT YOUR
DATE’S HOME WITH THESE INCREDIBLY EASY, DELICIOUS,
AND INEXPENSIVE DISHES (EXPENSIVE AT THE RESTURANT—
INEXPENSIVE FOR YOU TO PREPARE)
212
APPENDIX B – LIST OF INTERNET DATING SERVICES
219
APPENDIX C – AUDIO PROGRAMS FOR GETTING YOUR INNER
GAME TOGETHER
222
Internet Dating For Real Dummies Like Me
Dating at the Speed of Light—How to Stop Being a Cyber Space Wall Flower and Get
the Most out of Internet Dating.
© Copyright 2005 Richard Kuhns, Red Bank, NJ
INTRODUCTION
It’s estimated that 40 million Americans log onto internet dating services each month and
Match.com (one of the more popular services), alone boasts a membership of 15 million.
I joined match.com because a couple I work with found each other on match.com. I was
recently separated and getting no where with the dating scene which for me included the
singles’ dances and business networking groups. Seven months passed by and I only
dated one person for 6 or 7 times.
I must be honest though, if you’re looking to meet an upscale person, you’ll meet more of
them by going to shows and fairs such as the International Art Fair. Hang out there and
you’ll meet several potential up scale matches, but you’ll need to be up on your cold
calling skills which is not what this book is about. If you can master the first minute of a
cold call, you’ve got it made, but for most of us, mastering that first 60 seconds is like
telling us to design a rocket to go to the moon. This book is about us chickens who lack
cold calling skills and instead use a service like match.com to circumvent the cold call
and guess what? You'll still meet many upscale prospective matches.
Initially, with zero guidance and no previous experience match.com provided no instant
gratification. The only difference was that I spent lonely dateless nights searching hours
for my match, and with the few responses that I did receive that led to an initial meeting,
I made serious mistakes with each one and never got beyond a peck on the cheek.
Six months later, I’m glad to report, I was getting so many emails from lonely women
that I rarely had enough time to respond to them because my date book was full and
pecks on the cheek were saved for my mother. This e-book will move you from a cyber
space geek wall flower like I was to dating at the speed of light (if you wish) or if you’re
just wanting to find the right person, it’ll take you there too as it did for me. For me it
took almost one year to find Nancy, my match. She was much better that I was as it only
took her only one month to find me. But let me retrace myself. To find that right person,
you may well need to date a dozen prospects—perhaps two dozen--in which case you
may want to date at the speed of light in order to find that person before you turn 100—
not that 100 is a bad age—it just might not leave a lot of time to enjoy with your match.
Hey, don’t get discouraged. It’s all about attitude. If you set out to only date three or four,
you may be doing that for the next 20 years and still not find that person, if you set out to
date two dozen, fate just might bring your match in less than a half dozen. Bottom line is
that you’re single. If you were with your match, you’d be busy having fun with that
person every day, right? Well, you’re single, so have fun every day being single and this
e-book certainly provides you the tips to accomplish that. NO, I don’t suggest latching
onto the first prospective match and see that person every night of the week. You’ll just
shoot yourself in the foot and come across as needy and desperate with no life. That’s the
reality! In the Judy chapter she shares her story that demonstrates this. Use this e-book to
save a ton of money dating have fun three to seven days/nights a week.
Ladies, I got to warn you, even though there's a full chapter of tips for you, this e-book is
written from a man’s perspective so while the instruction is for men, you’ll gain full
appreciation of how to bring out the best in your match and not lose him to another
woman’s wink.
You’re probably thinking, “Well, if I had the looks, I’d have no problem.” When you see
my photos, you’ll agree that I don’t have the looks women fall for either, yet, how you
present yourself determines your results and that’s what the book is about—getting the
results you want. And sure, even with the best of looks, you can still strike out and be
very lonely if you don't know how to capitalize and follow through on your search.
This e-book is about how you can relate with the opposite sex so you both feel good
about yourselves and what to do to determine if it is or is not a match. It’s about how to
stop wasting time and money, avoid stupid costly mistakes, have fun and get real results
as internet dating has become one of the most popular and quickest means to meet others
ever discovered.
It’s also a book for men who don’t want to go broke buying dinner for women. What you
find in Appendix A regarding dinner dates will save you the cost of this e-book ten times
in just a few weeks of dating. Truth is that in the game of meeting women, until you find
your "match," you will want to meet at least one each week and may find yourself dating
two or more each week which means that dinners in restaurants can become very
expensive. This e-book provides you with a tremendous alternative that not only saves
you money, but is far more romantic than any restaurant can be and preferred by nine out
of ten women. Not that you won’t ever go to a fancy restaurant, but it’ll be because you
want to and not because she wants to go. And this alternative provides far more time for
romance and privacy than you could ever imagine on a first date. Every man, no matter
how inexperienced can become an instant expert with this alternative.
This e-book also explores the various traps in Internet dating that can waste your time
and cause you to lose real prospects . Traps such as:
The grass is greener trap: Yes, this trap really can keep you from getting to know
anyone.
The independence trap: Women today are very independent and have redefined
the role of men in their lives. You’ll want to know about the new role for which
you’ve been redefined.
The Don’t take charge trap: What do would you like to do honey? Can sink your
boat. Do women want to make the choices or have men take charge?
The abundance trap: With so many to date, who needs to answer emails or return
winks?
The cocky trap: You had three dates with the same person and think, “I found my
match and I should stop the service.” Really?
The sex trap: Men and women have the same goals, but different agendas. If you
think like a man, you will be very disappointed 85% of the time.
The commitment trap: Jumping in too soon can leave you flat.
The Friday/Saturday night date trap: Do you need a date on Friday or Saturday to
feel good about yourself? It’s about how to keep your self worth from being
negatively reduced if you don’t have a date on a weekend.
The procrastination trap: Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?
Why call today when you can call tomorrow?
Look stupid trap: duh!! When did you say your birthday was? How to keep a little
fact like that from sinking your efforts.
The break up trap: Breaking up is no longer hard to do and you’ll want to know
how to avoid being the dropped one and how to break up gracefully yourself.
Only Interest Trap: Today, most potential matches are not looking for couch
potatoes.
The lazy trap: All you have to do is join and sit back and wait for your emails and
winks? Really? This section is what you need to do to get results.
The too old trap: Do many 30,40,50,60 year old women/men still look hot?
Should I expand my search to include older potential matches?
Assume the computer does it all trap: It's easy to rely on the computer service to
send you prospects.
The Recently Divorced Trap: How what you share about your recent divorce that
can sink your boat.
You’ll also lean what it means when you email someone and you get no response.
Or why someone would date you for months and break it off without an explanation.
And what about rules: Absolutely!!! They make dating work.
Have fun rule—Why tease and when not to tease.
And there’s the movie rule: the wrong movie may cost you a potential relationship.
And how about some required skills such as:
Tarot cards
Palm reading
Story Telling
Analysis: a great technique to get to know him or her. Find out if she is defensive
or a nut job from whom you want to run ASAP.
Kissing: when to take that first kiss. That’s right—you don’t ask for it. You don’t move
close and hope your mouths will meet. You just take it. Sounds bold? Not really, you take
it when it’s least expected and most wanted. Guaranteed that if you follow the advice in
this e-book when to take that first kiss, you will not get turned down and you will receive,
“you’re really a romantic, aren’t you?” from your date and have broken the ice to kisses
forever and ever. You won’t end up going out with her on ten dates before you get
enough nerve to kiss her. This technique is faster and quicker and more effective than
you'll find the dating gurus giving you.
And what’s more, if you’re starting the internet thing, you’re most likely going thru some
kind of crisis and if that’s the case, this e-book will guide you in keeping you past from
interfering in your "now."
The e-book is chock full of real emails and an analysis of why some work and some don’t
work so you can learn from the author’s mistakes.
And why limit yourself to this country. Find your perfect beautiful young woman abroad.
This book tells you how and where to locate her and the tell tale signs of a rip off along
with the actual emails from a rip off artist which alone could easily save you over one
hundred times the cost of this e-book.
In the Appendix B you’ll find a listing of the more well known and the not so well know
services and an occasional comment made by someone I met or dated who tried the
service or my observation from using it or trying to use it—not all are user friendly.
Before the Internet
Left to my own devices, I’d be lucky to meet one candidate in a year to date. I’m an
average looking guy and I don’t do bars—not that they are bad—I just don’t do them. I
did some single dances. And even though I know that every one there is there to meet
another single, my brain just doesn’t function well with loud noise—the best excuse I can
give. I’m not a total wallflower so I do usually find a dance partner, but starting and
continuing a meaningful conversation beyond, “where do you live? Go to many dances?
Have any children? What kind of work do you do? is just beyond my skill level. And it
seems that as you’re carrying or shall I say attempting to carry on a conversation, she’s
scoping out the dance floor to see who else is there and guess what, I’m probably doing
the same thing. Plus my dancing needs some fine-tuning. I’m noticing many of the hustle
steps I learned 20 years ago, just aren’t used today. My friend tells me to break the ice by
using slow dances to whisper things in their ear and then suggest going away from the
dance floor to talk. Sounds like good advice, but what do I whisper is the question?
I did networking in a professional network organization hoping to find another single
person. The few singles I met either were already in a relationship or just weren’t
interested.
I attended Ala-anon for a year for three basic reasons:
1 discover why I attract needy partners
2. discover why I’m a co-dependent
3. hopefully find a relationship
and then sometimes just to be around people to soften my life crisis.
I reasoned that all the women are helpers and it might be good to have two helpers in a
relationship—poor logic. Most women were so afraid of relationship that it was even
difficult to get them to go for a cup of coffee.
Of course there are interest groups, church groups and the like, but I’m not a joiner—not
my style.
Internet dating, on the other hand, fits my style. It is certainly different than regular
conventional dating. Conventional dating is how I met my last wife 7 years ago at her
place of work. She was much younger than me and I simply discounted her having any
interest in me since I was eleven years older. I really wasn’t looking for a date—at least
that’s what I told myself. In speaking with her at her place of work, I learned that she
was divorced with three children around the ages of my son. I was hoping to develop
relationships for him so he’d always be motivated to come for his visitation with dad.
She wanted to get to know me before we introduced the kids so we went for lunch. She
had a headache that day and I ended up being back lit (the sun shining from behind me)
which aggravated her headache. She ate slow like a bird—very slowly as she picked
through her salad. Conversation was minimal and dull. I figured it would be the last time
we met and had no intentions of calling her again.
But remember, left to my own skills, I’m lucky to meet one new person a year and I still
wanted to develop a relationship for my son so guess what? I called her again thinking we
can get the kids together. Much to my surprise, she wanted to go out again. I forgot where
we went or what we did for the second date--it was nonplus and boring to say the least.
And again I wondered why she simply doesn't have the kids get together. A few days
passed and I called her again. And, much to my surprise she wanted to go out with me
again and I wondered why? I expected a dull boring date and just hoped we’d get the kids
together in short order but I was beginning to give up on the idea. We went to a popular
restaurant for dinner and suffered some polite conversation. It was still early when we
finished dinner and I asked if she wanted to see a movie or get a bottle of wine and go to
her place. Having read that movies are not a great place to get to know someone, I guided
her to the bottle of wine.
I figured we’d go to her place, have a glass or two of wine and say good night forever.
We had a drink and conversation began to flow. Then touching began to happen and what
happened next is left up to your imagination and we ended up getting married about a
year later.
This generally won’t happen on Internet dating. I’m not saying it was ideal by any
stretches of the imagination, but the result was that two people with three dead dates
pulled out a marriage out of the hat. It’s like a baseball game in the last of the ninth
inning losing 10 to zipo with two out and putting together a winning rally.
And now today, even though she and I divorced for many good reasons, I’d probably
have done it again for the few things that did work in the marriage and the 30 chapters I
wrote about living in the confusion of a child of an alcoholic. That’s another book.
Why won’t this fairy tale happen with Internet dating? Simple! With Internet dating,
you’ll be meeting on average one-to-two new people a week and if you’re not, then you
really want to read through this e-book for you’re doing something seriously wrong.
Internet dating is like dating at the speed of light. With the potential for meeting two or
more new people each week, if you have a boring evening with someone on the first date,
there’s most likely not a second date and no fairy tale. The downside is that it’s a
challenge to get to know anyone well enough to pursue a real relationship and this e-book
gives you the tips on making that happen.
The only thing that keeps one from Internet dating is some basic fears. Yet these fears
aren’t just limited to Internet dating. One fear that women have is that she’ll meet Jack
the Ripper. The reality is that you could meet him at a dance, in a grocery store, at your
doctor’s office, on the Internet, or…. There’s no proof that you’ll have a higher tendency
to meet undesirables on the Internet than anyplace else—unless you’re getting into the
perverted kinky sex services. In fact, because of the in-depth profiles you complete, you
are most likely to meet a more savvy person than at a bar.
Then, there’s the concern that the people you meet will be fat when you’re looking for
thin. Carol, who was a member for about a year, did meet one person who only had a
close up head shot in his profile and when she met him, he had a 450 pound body. You
learn to avoid this by requesting full body photos. She also met a man who was a
financial advisor and wanted her to write him a check at the end of the meeting for an
investment he was pushing. And another guy got a phone call from his wife in the middle
of his interview with Carol.
My experience and most of those I met have not had these kinds of experiences—they are
more of an exception to the rule. I’d say that most of the people I have met actually look
better in person than their photos show. And the advantage of Internet dating over the
personals in the newspapers is simply no comparison. If you use a recent photo of
yourself, you won’t be subjecting yourself to show up at some diner, wait for 20 minutes
in the waiting area, and then realize a woman walked by 15 minutes ago, glanced at you,
and kept on walking.
This e-book is about how to position you so you generate interest and can likewise “fish
for relationship” and get interest from others. It’s also about how to deal with the little
girl or boy in the candy store. There’s so much candy and you’re so hungry that you want
to sample all of it, but not know which candy to start with you can end up with none or
get so darn sick from sampling all of it you never want to eat candy again..
The computer is an amazing instrument. Complete 30 or 40 minutes of questions and it
can match your profiles with literally hundreds of prospects in your neighborhood. And
there’s no question as to whether these prospects are available—they are or they wouldn’t
be spending on average of $30/month.
Yet, as great as it can be, there are some traps that can make it a nightmare. First we’ll
look at getting the most from your profile—how to create it such that a special person
will contact you, and then we’ll look at the typical traps into which one can fall. We’ll
look at the value of photos and the do’s and don’ts. And then how to communicate with
winks, emails and how to get responses. And of course, the next step is to establish
communication and there will be valuable tips on the phone call and the first meeting.
And it doesn’t stop there. We’ll look at the dilemma of dating two or three people at the
same time and when to take the plunge to a monogamous relationship.
Unless you’re a guy, before you begin to invest time and money completing the
questionnaires and pay your fees, make sure you have at least 4-to-10 digital photos that
each show you in a different pose or setting. Even though I highly recommend that guys
also have the same amount of digital photos, it’s not nearly as important as I explain in
Part IV of the book.
All of this an more in this e-book for just $19.95. You’ll want to read and reread it
several times as your life unfolds for even sometimes--even when you think you got it
going-- things fall apart for life is often more about our plans falling through than it is
about the plans we make.
Guarantee: If you read the e-book and find it of no value, simply request a refund and you
will receive it—no questions asked.
Save $10.00. Visit www.DStressDoc.com or www.PanicBusters.com or
www.PendulumWarehouse.com and order any cd program or group of cassette and cd
programs totaling as little as $19.95 (excluding shipping, handling, and tax) and then
order this e-book for just $9.95. When you place your order, in the comments section
note that you will be ordering the Internet dating book for $9.95 and issue a separate
paypal payment for cash only to Richard@waterloov.com for $9.95 and specify in the
comments section, “Special Internet Dating e-book Offer”
On the DStressdoc site you’ll find valuable resources such as the Overcome Shyness, Self
Confidence, and Building Self Worth programs among many others such as weight loss,
stop smoking… which will also be valuable in your quest to get your “inner game,” as
David D’Angelo (dating guru) calls it, together.
Internet Dating for Real Dummies Like Me-Find Your Match in 30 Days or Less
Dating at the Speed of Light—How to Stop Being a Cyber Space Wall Flower and Get the Most out of
Internet Dating.
CHAPTER I-- BEFORE THE INTERNET
One Woman Per Year
Left to my own devices, I’d be lucky to meet one woman a year to date. I’m an average looking guy and
I don’t do bars—not that they are bad—I just don’t do them. I did some single dances; and even though I
know that all the women there are there to meet a guy, my brain just doesn’t function well with loud
noise—the best excuse I can give. I’m not a total wallflower so I do usually find a dance partner, but
starting and continuing a meaningful conversation beyond, “Where do you live? Go to many dances?
Have any children? What kind of work do you do?” is just beyond my skill level. And it seems that as
I’m attempting to carry on a conversation with her, she’s scoping out the dance floor to see who else is
there and guess what, I’m probably doing the same thing. Plus my dancing needs some fine-tuning. I
noticed many of the hustle steps I learned 20 years ago, just aren’t used today. A friend tells me to
break the ice by using slow dances to whisper things in their ear and then suggest going away from the
dance floor to talk. Sounds like good advice, but what do I whisper is the question?
Hunting Grounds
To expand my horizons, I attended lots of Chamber of Commerce events and a professional network
organization hoping to find another single person. The few I met either were already in a relationship or
just weren’t interested.
I also attended Ala-anon for a year for three basic reasons:
1. Discover why I attract needy partners.
2. Discover why I’m a co-dependent.
3. Hopefully find a relationship.
And then sometimes just to be around people to soften the life crisis I was experiencing.
I reasoned that all the women in Ala-anon are helpers and it might be good to have two helpers in a
relationship—poor logic. I found that most women were so afraid of relationship that it was impossible
to get one to even go for a cup of coffee.
Of course there are interest groups, church groups and the like, but I’m not a joiner—not my style.
Conventional Dating
Internet dating, on the other hand, fit my style. It is certainly different than regular conventional dating.
Conventional dating is how I met my last wife in 1998 at her place of work. She was much younger than
me and I simply discounted her having any interest in me since I was eleven years older. I really wasn’t
looking for a date—at least that’s what I told myself. In speaking with her at her place of work, I
learned that she was divorced with three children around the ages of my son. I was hoping to develop
relationships for him so he’d always be motivated to come for his visitation with me.
© Copyright 2005 Richard Kuhns, Red Bank, NJ all rights reserved
1
She wanted to get to know me before we introduced the kids so we went for lunch. She had a headache
that day and I ended up being back lit (the sun shining from behind me) which aggravated her headache.
She ate like a bird—very slowly as she picked through her salad. Conversation was minimal and dull. I
figured it would be the last time we met and had no intentions of calling her again.
But remember, left to my own skills, I’m lucky to meet one new person a year and I still wanted to
develop a relationship for my son so guess what? I called her again thinking we can get the kids
together. Much to my surprise, she wanted to go out again. I forgot where we went or what we did for
that second date--it was nonplus and boring to say the least. And again I wondered why she didn’t
simply have the kids get together. A few days passed and I called her again. And, much to my surprise
she wanted to go out with me again and I wondered why? I expected a dull boring date and just hoped
we’d make arrangements to get the kids together but I was beginning to give up on the idea. We went to
a popular restaurant for dinner and suffered some polite conversation. It was still early when we finished
dinner and I asked if she wanted to see a movie or get a bottle of wine and go to her place. Having read
that movies are not a great place to get to know someone, I guided her to the bottle of wine.
I figured we’d go to her place, have a glass or two of wine and say good night forever. We had a drink
and conversation began to flow. Then touching began to happen and what happened next is left to your
imagination as we ended up getting married about a year later.
This generally won’t happen on Internet dating. I’m not saying it was ideal by any stretches of the
imagination, but the result was that two people with three dead dates pulled a marriage out of the hat.
It’s like a baseball game in the last of the ninth inning losing 10 to zipo with two out and putting
together a winning rally.
And now today, even though she and I are divorcing for many good reasons, I’d probably have done it
again for the few things that did work in the marriage and the 30 chapters I wrote about the confusion of
living with a child of an alcoholic. That’s another book.
Why won’t this fairy tale happen with Internet dating? Simple! With Internet dating, you’ll be meeting
on average one-to-two new people a week and if you’re not, then you really want to read through this
book for you’re doing something wrong.
Dating at the Speed of Light—basic fears
Internet dating is like dating at the speed of light. With the potential for meeting two or more new people
each week, if you have a boring evening with someone on the first date, there’s most likely not a second
date and no fairy tale. The downside is that it’s a challenge to get to know anyone well enough to pursue
a real relationship and this e-book is chock full of tips to make that happen.
Generally, the only things that keep one from Internet dating are some basic fears. Yet these fears aren’t
just limited to Internet dating. Women fear that they’ll meet Jack the Ripper. The reality is that one
could meet him at a dance, in a grocery store, a doctor’s office, on the Internet, or…. There’s no proof
that you’ll have a higher tendency to meet undesirables on the Internet than anyplace else—unless
you’re getting into the perverted kinky sex services. In fact, because of the in-depth profiles you
complete, you are most likely to meet a savvier person than at a bar.
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Then, there’s the concern that the people you meet will be fat when you’re looking for thin. Carol, who
was a member for about a year, did meet one person who only had a close up head shot in his profile and
when she met him, he was 450 pounds. You learn to avoid this by requesting full body photos. She also
met a man who was a financial advisor and wanted her to write him a check at the end of the meeting for
an investment he was pushing. And another guy got a phone call from his wife in the middle of his first
meeting with Carol.
From most of those I met, Carol’s experiences are more of an exception to the rule. But then, Carol had
been a member of match.com for four years and so less than one a year isn’t bad. I’d say that most of the
people I have met actually look better in person than their photos show and no one had ever hit me up
for an investment. And the advantage of Internet dating over the personals in the newspapers is simply
no comparison. If you use a recent photo of yourself, you won’t be subjecting yourself to show up at
some diner, wait for 20 minutes in the waiting area, and then realize your prospective date walked by 15
minutes earlier, glanced at you, and kept on walking.
This e-book is about how to position you so as to generate interest, “fish for relationship,” and get
interest from others. It’s also about how to deal with the little girl or boy in the candy store. There’s so
much candy and you’re so hungry that you want to sample it all, but not know which candy with which
to start you can end up with none or get so darn sick from sampling all of it you never want to eat candy
again.
The computer is an amazing instrument. Complete 30 or 40 minutes of questions and it can match your
profiles with literally hundreds of prospects in your neighborhood. And there’s no question as to
whether these prospects are available—they are or they wouldn’t be spending on average of $30/month.
Appendix B provides a rather extensive list of Internet dating services—including some international
ones--available along with a brief description of each.
Some services, such as match.com have a counter to tell you how many have viewed your profiles.
Warning: don’t get discouraged. You might have hundreds of others reviewing your profile and only get
two or three winks or emails. At last count I had approximately 1,000 women open my profile and only
about 50 of them communicated with me and only about two dozen did I meet and only about 6 did I
date for more than two times.
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CHAPTER II --YOUR PROFILE
First we’ll look at getting the most from your profile—how to create it such that your special person will
contact you, and then we’ll look at the typical traps into which you can fall. Then, we’ll look at how you
can get the most from your profile—how to write it such that your special someone will want to contact
you. We’ll look at the value of photos along with the do’s and don’ts. And then how to:
Give and get winks and emails.
Get interesting and intriguing responses.
Establish meaningful communication.
Get and be successful with the first phone call and the first meeting.
And it doesn’t stop there. We’ll look at the dilemma of dating two or three people at the same time and
when to take the plunge to a monogamous relationship.
The Magic of Photos
Before you begin to invest time and money completing the questionnaires and pay your fees, make sure
you have at least 4-to-10 digital photos with each showing you in a different pose or setting and with
different clothes. They can create magical results. Although for men, having photos published saves a lot
of time in moving from initial contact to the initial phone call or the initial meeting, it’s not that
important and sometimes not advisable as I explain later Chapter II and also in Part IV. However,
having photos is a must for women. Here are the Do’s and Don’ts for your photographs.
Don’ts
1.
Don’t show pictures of your pets no matter how cute or smart they are. Or how much you love
them. You can simply let your interest in your pets be known in your written profile. Your match wants
to see you—not your dog—unless you want to be confused with your dog in which case your dog should
be paying the fee.
2.
No pictures of you with others. If you have a great smile and it only shows up in one photo with
you and your daughter/son, crop the photo so you have a close up—don’t include others in your photos.
Your match wants to see you—not your family, relatives, work associates…
3.
Don’t use the same photo more than once. E.g. using it as a distance shot and as one slightly
closer or at a slightly different angle such that they are almost identical.
Do’s
1.
Look at other profiles and study some of the poses. You don’t have to go to a professional
photographer to get good pictures. Have a friend snap you in some poses. You’re going to get a goofy
looking one or two. Although I don’t recommend it, you can even make a goofy looking photo your
main photo as long as you have at least 4 others for viewing. If a prospect has clicked on you, he/she
will always look at additional photos.
2.
Use a close up for your main photo with good lighting and focus.
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3.
Have among your other photos a shot showing your physique from head to toe.
4.
Wear different clothing—make sure your hair is combed and your clothes neat. Check your self
in the mirror before posing and have your photographer look for lapels, collars, buttons, and so on that
are undone, or awkward position.
5.
Have at least one profile shot.
6.
Experiment with a few provocative poses. Crop out as much of the surroundings as possible. No
need to show your house or car. They’ll get the idea you’re getting into your car or coming out of your
house simply by seeing a little of either.
7.
Party clothes, bathing suits are all good to use. If you have a great body—show it!
8.
Avoid having objects or wearing clothes that detract from you. You don’t want your potential
matches looking at your checkered hat or skirt, or your children, cat, dog, or house.
Your photo album is the most important aspect of your profile. Most people are visual and you want to
show yourself in good light—pun intended. They use your photo for initial feelings of chemistry. And
remember, what turns on one person, doesn’t turn on another. One gal told me that facial hair is a turn
off to her—something about it represents uncleanliness. Others tell me that my short beard is a turn on.
I can’t emphasize the value of having a good photo. For the first three
months, I used this photo as my main photo. Well, it was actually the
first and only photo I had on my profile for about 6 weeks. I’m not very
photogenic and it looks a bit goofy, and so do a lot of photos you see.
I’d send an email and explain that my photo looked goofy. I received a
total of three winks during that period of time and two emails. During
that time I must have winked 60 times and sent 50 emails which was a
lot of work. Who said dating is easy? Then I discovered the value of
having multiple photos. I discovered this simply by looking at
prospective women‘s profiles. If they had more than one photo, I was
inclined to look at them which meant I was spending more time
checking them out which is what you want. Some really packaged themselves with professional quality
photos and I realized that it’s all about packaging and my one and only goofy looking photo made a very
poor package. I wasn’t about to run out to a professional photography studio (in hind sight, it’s probably
worth it), but I did have a few more photos taken as shown:
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So I had a total of about 6 photos during the next 6 weeks and I received an additional 4 winks and
several emails. During some of this time I was fairly busy meeting new prospects except for the two
weeks before Christmas when it was dry--very dry--when I received
no responses.
A week before Christmas, I changed my main photo to this one.
Within days, a gal I had dated several times called to compliment
me on my choice of photos, but I received no interest from anyone
else although I did connect with a kindergarten teacher. I sent her an
email asking if her if I brought her an apple, if I could be the
teacher’s pet and of course I asked what her favorite apple was. She
was taking a vacation over the holidays as I did as well and we
connected after the holidays. We talked on the phone, enjoyed each
other’s comments and set up a date. The following day, she emailed
me and canceled the date because she didn’t want to start a
relationship with someone who has a teenager. Go figure. It’s that
fickle. If you wear the wrong color shoes, you’re out. Internet
dating really lets one be fickle.
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I really had little expectations from the photo change. I continued winking at my daily matches that
match.com emailed me. I hadn’t done an extensive search in a long time—just winked and occasionally
wrote an email to one or two of each daily match before I left for the holidays.
I wondered why I continued to be active since I had met a wonderful lady from Match.com. Our first
date was at her Brooklyn apartment for Thanksgiving dinner and she was accompanying me on vacation.
When I returned from my holiday vacation with her, my wink box had three winks and within ten days I
received another five winks. Emails flowed back and forth instead of just one way and the basic
difference was my main photograph. I then removed the goofy looking one from my profile.
Of course, you hope that you’ve done such a great job with your photos and profile that emails just roll
in, but that’s the computer does it all trap—more about that later.
How to Write a Profile to Generate Interest
Your profile—what to write about yourself and how to attract the type of person you want in your life.
I wrote my first profile after listening to Tony Robbins’, “Get the Edge” program. I went crazy with my
profile. I wrote that I wanted an independent, vibrant, energetic, loving, creative, responsible, intelligent,
open minded, caring, beautiful…and the list went on and on. In retrospect, I imagine most women
reading my profile thought, “I’ll never live up to that guy’s expectations and he’s rather goofy looking
too (remember my goofy looking photo?).” The truth is I’m an average looking “Joe.” I’m not a heart
throb. Women don’t fall off their chairs when I walk into a room. Yet, I’ll show you, as I did, how to
generate interest from some physically very beautiful young women. And then the challenge is to step
up to the plate and create a meaningful relationship and I’ll share practical do’s and don’ts to achieve
success. Some are basic dating tips and others are simply indigenous to this mode of Internet dating.
More later.
Needless to say, I received no responses from that well thought out profile. So I cheated. I did a search
for a man in my age group. I looked at their photos and read their profiles. I put myself in the position of
being a woman and what would be important to me.
Now let me say that a criticism of this dating thing is that people only write half truths. Hey, you and I
know that there are men and women who are mentally and physically abusive to their partners--that
there are also men and women suffering from bipolar or manic depressive maladies. That there are men
and women suffering from schizophrenia and few that are sociopaths…
You will not find someone saying, “I screwed up my last marriage because I suffered from bipolar
disorder, didn’t take my meds, and was an obsessive compulsive nut which made me be a bitch on
wheels and the broom stick is my main source of transportation.” Or, “My ex-wife has a restraining
order on me.” Or I take prosaic, or zyprexia, or, zolof…” Or I have hemorrhoids.”
Just as you wouldn’t wear old outdated ratted clothes for your photos, you wouldn’t dress your written
profile in a bad light, would you? You’d hope that whomever you might meet would be enough to get
you through these hurdles in life, right? I mean you may be thinking that all your problems are because
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of the person with whom you had been in relationship. And that if you had found the “right” person,
everything would be different, right? So, for whatever reason or reasons, you will only see and read the
good about prospective mates in their profiles and you must look between the lines for warnings.
Back to my revised profile. I found one or two profiles that if I were a woman, I’d want to get to know
this guy. I copied and pasted the profiles into my word processor and began the tedious job of massaging
them to fit me as a person. So in essence, I copied the style and plugged in my specifics. I once read that
emulating someone is the greatest form of flattery--only thing is the fellow whose style I used didn’t
know it or get credit. And now you can likewise benefit from his and my success.
Here is a portion of my profile:
“I am a sensual, romantic, fun loving fellow soon to be divorced looking for a woman whom I can dote
upon, bring flowers, or take shopping for knick knacks, jewelry, sexy lingerie... for no particular reason
other than to say "I love you." I am a good listener, love to share, spiritual, creative, and intelligent. I'm
not into drugs, booze or gambling. I jog and dance (pretty good at it), to stay in shape and because I like
it. I enjoy romantic walks on the beach, vacations to Hawaii, the Pocono’s or any romantic spot. I am
self-employed with varied business interests. I am and in search of a woman who is self assured,
confident, and will spoil me as much as I spoil her. I love a woman who is sensual, warm,
compassionate, and romantic and feels comfortable with herself--a spontaneous person who enjoys
family and enjoys having help in the kitchen as much as she enjoys a five star restaurant and trips to the
big Apple. A woman who I can passionately support in her interests and likewise be supported in mine.
A woman who will be my best friend for the next 30 or 40 years, enjoys cuddling by the fire place,
sensual massages, my best friend, and if your tired of not having a soul mate--your soul mate.”
Your profile doesn’t need to be this long or it can be longer—you decide. Following is the portion of my
profile that describes the types of friends I’d like to meet.
.
I am a: 58 yr old man
located in: New Monmouth, New Jersey, United States
looking for: Dating: 35 to 60-year old woman Friends: 35 to 60-year old woman
within 15 miles of New Monmouth, New Jersey, United States
relationships: Currently separated
my ethnicity: White / Caucasian
body type: Slender
height: 5’ 11” (180.3 cms)
sense of humor: No Answer
sign: Taurus
About me and friends I'd like to meet: I like to meet people who are upbeat, open minded, flexible,
spontaneous, and have a great sense of humor. I like those who appreciate being appreciated and can return caring.
Those who can find the good in the things that go wrong in life or at least get beyond the bad to live in the now-those who can close an old chapter and truly start a new chapter.
Interests
8
for fun: My middle name is dancer and although I enjoy cooking a scrumptious dinner, breakfast is my other middle
name.
favorite hot spots: Give me Hawaii, Palm Springs, or Alaska when the weather is great.
favorite things: Favorite book is Chasing Miracles. Enjoy the Sopranos and Star Trek but can do with or without TV
or HBO. Am a sea food lover and enjoy jaunts to the city.
last read: Latest book I read is Chasing Miracles and am reading it again. It finds the good in the bad and we can
use a lot of good.
sense of humor: No Answer
sports and exercise: Running
common interests: Business networking, Coffee and conversation, Cooking, Dining out, Hobbies and crafts,
Movies/Videos, Music and concerts, Nightclubs/Dancing, Performing arts, Religion/Spiritual
Generally all Internet dating services use similar forms. Below is one from www.americansingles.com
About Me I find it very difficult to describe myself. I love the beach in the summertime, and a nice cozy
fireplace in the wintertime. I like to go to New Hope and just walk around. In fact, browsing and
walking is good. I like to dress up and sometimes just hang out in my sweats. Personal Info
Username: patti1359
Gender: Female seeking Male
From: Helmetta, New Jersey, USA
Age: 45
Last Login: 12/01/2004
Basics
Hair:
Light Brown
Ethnicity: Caucasian/White
Eyes:
Blue
Religion: Catholic
Height: 5' 8" (173cm)
Grew up in: Old Bridge
Weight: 146 pounds (66.0 kg)Education: Some College
Body
A Few Extra Pounds Education Operations
Style:
Emphasis:
Activity Selected activities Politics:
Unspecified
Level:
Occupation: Manufacturing/Warehousing/Shipping/Facilities
Smoking: Non-Smoker
Annual
$35,000 - $50,000
Drinking: Socially
Income:
Marital
Divorced
Rate
Medium Importance
Status:
appearance:
Children: Weekends only
Rate
Medium Importance
Zodiac
Taurus
intelligence:
Sign:
Relocate: Yes
Languages English
I speak:
Occupation
Description:
Seeking:
Headline:
Buyer
A Date, Friend, Marriage, A long-term relationship,
Intimacy/Physical
One More Time
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Personality
My
Adventurous/Wild/Spontaneous, Conservative/Clean Cut, Earthy,
personality Easygoing/Flexible/Open-Minded, Flirtatious/Playful, Friendly/Kind, Low
traits:
Maintenance, Sensitive/Nurturing/Loving, Quiet/Shy, Romantic,
Serious/Responsible, Spiritual
My favorite Antiquing, Board Games/Backgammon/Chess, Camping, Card
activities: Games/Bridge/Canasta, Dining Out, Entertaining, Gambling, Hanging Out with
Friends, Intimate Conversations, Listening to/Playing Music, Motorcycling,
Partying, People Watching, Pool/Billiards/Darts, Shopping, Taking Long
Walks, Traveling/Weekend Trips/Adventure Travel, Movies/TV, Wine Tasting
You are
I am looking for man who knows what he wants in life and h imilar interets in
looking for: mine. Someone that loves to spend time with his lady, but needs space of his
own too. He will be kind, generous and honest. Communicates to me and
doesn't shut me out when there is a problem. Someone who loves to be in love
Interests
My favorite
cuisines:
My favorite
music:
I like to read:
My idea of the
perfect first date:
American, Barbecue, Chinese/Dim Sum, Continental, Deli, Fast
Food/Pizza, German, Italian, Mexican, Seafood, Southwestern, Vegan
Blues, Classic Rock n' Roll, Country, Dance/Electronica, Easy Listening,
Jazz, Latin, Modern Rock n' Roll, Oldies, Pop/Top 40, Soul/R&B
Fiction, Magazines, Newspapers
To meet for dinner and have a great time. Having such a great time that
we decide to go to the movies or take a walk on the boardwalk afterwards
Leisure and Physical Activities
I like going out to:
Antique Stores/Flea Markets/Garage Sales, In Bars/In Nightclubs,
Beach, Coffee Houses, Comedy Clubs, Dances - Line, Ballroom,
Tango, Live Theater, Movies, Museums, Parks, Restaurants
My favorite physical Aerobics, Dancing, Horseback Riding, Jet/Water Skiing,
activities:
Swimming/Diving/Water Polo
My perception of an My perception of an ideal releationship is one that ends in a forever
ideal relationship:
relationship, marriage, until death do us part
What I've learned
Everyone is different and we obviously are not all perfect together. It
from my past
takes time to find the right person with attraction and communication.
relationships:
Last Update: 10/24/2004
Profile mistakes:
1.
Don’t lie about anything—don’t stretch you age or marital status. If you’re separated, don’t say
you’re divorced. If you’re 58, don’t say you’re 55. If you lie about anything, who is to say where the
lie/s stops?
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2.
Exception to the rule. Some stretch the truth with regard to age. I’m 58, but feel and look like
I’m 48 so I could list 55 as my age so I will show up in the 45-55 age category, but I must state that in
my written profile, e.g. “I’ fibbed to the computer, my real age is 58, not 55, so I would show up in the
cut off search of 55 because I keep myself young and in excellent shape”—see most people search in
multiples of 5 years and 58 is in the 60 category—not 55.
3.
Avoid focusing so much on the soul mate issue. So many believe that there’s just one soul mate
and their life is incomplete without that soul mate. These people are usually so anxious about the clock
ticking that they could be with their soul mate and not even recognize it. Besides, there are an infinite
number of soul mates as opposed to only one. Remember, there are different planes of consciousness—a
bit far out—not really if you believe in soul mates, you’re already out there so you may as well sample
all of what’s out there.
4.
Avoid focusing on wanting trust. It indicates that you somehow generate distrust and that may
well be an issue for you to work on with your counselor rather than a prospective match. Trust is
something that you create through your attitude as opposed to something that someone gives you. For
most it means, “Can I trust that you will be faithful?” When a man is with a woman who often uses
innuendos to question trust, then he begins to think, “She expects distrust from me,” and he might
actually begin looking for other simultaneous opportunities. And there’s the other issue of timing.
Before any commitment is made by either person, trust is a mute issue. If I tell you that my ex-wife had
an affair (she never did), I’m really telling you that there’s something about me that fostered her having
an affair. She didn’t do it to me, I somehow participated. So use your therapist to get beyond trust and
simply make it a non issue by trusting. If distrust surfaces later on, there are only two issues at which to
look:
a.
What you did to contribute to it.
b.
The relationship is not a match after all.
5.
Avoid getting into bragging about your accomplishments and things you own. It’s a trap that
makes you a bore or a sure candidate to find a gold digger.
6.
Ladies, less emphasis on your love of travel, Broadway shows, and other expensive things—
more emphasis on quality of experience. A man doesn’t want to have to take you to the Fiji Islands or a
Broadway show every week to make you happy, for me, it’s not so much where I am, but more about
the quality of our experience together. I’ve been in Hawaii and had a lousy time with my x-wife. Then
again, she and I could simply be shopping in a local store and have a great time—not that I don’t enjoy
Hawaii; I value the quality of the experience more than where it takes place. I can’t say that I speak for
all men, but then I think I speak for most men.
There are usually other aspects to your profile, which include your travel interests, types of people you
like to meet. Although these are less important than your main profile, they are worth completing. Its
part of you so just like you wouldn’t have a full length photo taken wearing only one shoe; you may as
well complete these too. In the above, I’ve included mine for reference for you to copy and manipulate
into your own words.
What not to write in a profile Read the following and ask yourself if you’d like to call this woman.
Assume she’s gorgeous.
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“I am an intelligent witty lady who enjoys travel, reading, theater, dance, movies,
fine dining and the shore. I love to meet new people and learn as much as I can
about the world around me. I do not like sarcastic people or game players.
Honesty is very important to me. I have become spiritual at this stage of my life
and fine it gives great peace and more understanding to my daily existance.
I like men who are intelligent, interesting, and with a good sense of humor. I
appreciate a man who is honest and I do not like players. My man should be
height/weight proportionate and attractive to me...I would appreciate pictures as I
will be glad to provide mine to sincere inquiries.
Now she may well be the perfect woman, however, she makes serious mistakes. A critique:
1. Too much focus on things that cost a lot of money and in the first sentence. She could say that she’s
well traveled and finds that quality of experience with the traveling companion more valuable than the
location of the travel.
2. She makes a note of game players—not once but twice. Yet, match is nothing but a dating game.
Whether she knows it or not, she’s saying she can’t handle a guy dating more than one person at a time
and that she was probably two timed by her x husband. And if you read between the lines, women who
say this are usually saying that men lose interest in them or they never generate enough interest to keep a
man faithful. Or she might be saying that she likes to be in control and the only game she can tolerate is
the one she plays. She may have this set idea of how courting is supposed to go and is addicted to it
occurring according to her ideation. It is best to leave out the aspect of game playing.
3. She’s saying that honesty is important to her and I wonder who likes being lied to. Again best to
leave out the idea of honesty. Maybe she divorced an alcoholic or a gambler and had a lot of those
issues with which to deal. Use a therapist to learn from them and avoid projecting them so quickly onto
the next relationship.
The only redeeming sentence in the entire profile is about being a spiritual person. However, a spiritual
person doesn’t emphasize travel, shows, fine dining, etc. which makes her an oxymoron and projects the
image of a snob—and she didn’t use spell check and used the word “fine” when she meant “find.” But
then, that’s the kind of mistake we can all make.
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CHAPTER III -- THE INTERNET DATING TRAPS
Now once you get going, let’s look at some traps into which you can fall:
The grass is greener trap:
Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side. The problem with computer dating is that you see lots
of green grass. It’s like being at a dance and while you’re talking with one person, you’re looking across
the floor at someone else wondering what that person would be like. What do I mean?
You begin dating someone and you get your matches for the day. It seems that you always find someone
who is just as attractive or even more attractive. You send your killer email and get a response. No
sooner than you begin dating this new person and you see another one even more attractive. This can
become addictive and keeps you from getting to know anyone. Matches are no longer matches but
challenges to be beaten by someone else. Many will say that, if it’s the right person, you’ll just know it-maybe and maybe not. You could be dating that special someone, but because you’re gazing across the
Internet, you’ll miss the opportunity to appreciate and get to know the one you’re with before you’re
getting intrigued with someone else. One gal I dated said it this way, “it like you’re out with someone
and as you’re looking into his eyes, you’re thinking that when you get home, there will be an email from
Mr.Perfect.”
Figuratively, you’re dating at the speed of light and just as great as Internet dating can be, it can also
keep you looking for emails instead of experiencing who you’re with. Carlos Costenata says something
about there being many paths in life and instead of asking whether the path is the best or the right one,
ask if the path has a heart.
The independence trap:
Being in my late 50’s I can only speak for what it’s like dating the modern female in the same age
category. Believe me it isn’t like it was dating when I was in my 30’s. Not too many women jump into
bed after one-to-three dates. And it doesn’t make sense! After all, those in their 50’s don’t have to worry
about getting pregnant anymore—they can just enjoy love making. But, today’s divorced woman, for
whatever reason, seems to have connected a certain level of pain with sex. Sure everyone wants
romance, which may eventually lead to sexual intimacy, however many have been in marriages for up to
30 years only to have their husbands, who were going through an identity crisis, trade them in for
younger versions. It’s like saying, “After being there sexually for my husband for 30 years he dumped
me for a younger woman and I’m not going to give myself to any man again?” Tony Robbins in his Get
the Edge program speaks about women associating pain with marriage or relationship with the opposite
sex. I think this is one explanation.
Then, there are women who wake up one day and realize that they have nothing in common with their
spouse, realize that they are just passing time, and maybe getting physically ill doing it. One woman I
dated developed breast cancer and once she emancipated herself from the marriage, learned about
nutrition and self help, studied Abraham Hicks, got rid of the cancer, and went on to search for Mr.
Right. She didn’t want to let love making confuse the issue and end up settling for less than Mr. Right
just because she might have enjoyed physical intimacy with someone else.
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Of course there’s the practical experienced woman who believes that approximately a third of the men in
the internet dating game are married. It’s another reason for them to take things slowly. Knowing this to
be true, it behooves the guy to demonstrate his singleness as soon as possible. How you might do this is
to have her to your place for an inspection—no need to announce it, she’ll perform it on her own. She’ll
check out the bathroom, bedroom, medicine chest, closets and any other room where there might be
personal effects of a wife. Introduce her to others with whom you work—not something a married guy
would do. Introduce her to your family—children, parents…. Definitely not something a married guy
would do.
Many of today’s women have liberated themselves from the pain of a sour marriage and are no longer
desperate. They have become strong on their own in spite of men. They have developed interests to
enrich their lives and often times simply become set in their ways—period. They don’t need to get laid
to feel fulfilled.
That’s one version and another is that some women think that having sex is giving something of them
selves. Maybe that kind of thinking is also what ruined their relationship.
And maybe with some women in their 50’s and 40’s, it’s a disease. Didn’t Maslow’s theory encompass
sex as a necessity such as air, food, and water? It’s real easy for them to hide behind the, “I want to get
to know you before we jump into bed.” For some that’s like saying, “you’re not going to use me”?
Ironically, they may have lost their husbands because of a selfish approach to sex. Maybe if they had
been that “hot chick” instead of the bitch with the broom handle stuck up her ass, she would have kept
her husband. I never would have left several relationships if sex were free flowing instead of something
for which I felt that I had to beg.
And sometimes it’s more complicated and confusing as it was in my last marriage! Before we married,
we made love like bunnies. I thought I met the female counter part of me. Then when we got married, it
all ended.
I soon forgot what it was like just make love just because I wanted to. I felt that she manipulated me
with sex—for me, having sex was like winning the instant lottery. Of course when we did it, it was the
best I could ever imagine. Yet it was a constant manipulation and a bull shit game. I spent 5 years trying
to find out what turned her on. Can you imagine being married 5 years and not knowing what turns on
your wife?
Then, after 5 years, we separated and didn’t see each other for a few weeks, and when we did, I was
amazed how much she loves sex. If I hadn’t known about the games she plays with sex, I would have
gone back to her, but I knew and decided not to be stupid. During our marriage I also learned about adult
children of alcoholics and how their childhood can screw up their adult lives--more about that later
which is the real clue about her behavior.
It’s a challenge to find a woman in her 50’s with a healthy attitude toward sex. Twenty years ago, I went
out with a woman who I had met in my office—she was selling advertising. We went to dinner, had
desert, and later on made love at my place. Later, I asked her about her quickness to go to bed with me
and she replied, “I won’t go out with anyone who I wouldn’t be interested in going to bed with and
you’re the only one I’ve gone out with in years. For her, sex was like having desert with a great meal.”
We had a relationship for 8 years.
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But how do you weed out these bitches with broom handles stuck up their asses before investing a lot of
time and energy? More about this later in the four step test. Remember, they can be a hot chick one
minute which lasts up to a year and later on turn into the bitch.
And yes, men can be this way too. So please don’t let my female readers be dissed. Yes, some guys can
be romantic, loving, kind, and attentive like no other one minute and later turn into a bastardly
controlling troll. And yes the four step test will also identify the troll too. They can be the perfect
husband material while they court you and turn into the possessive controlling, jealous bastard after they
marry you. So the several previous paragraphs can be written with him or her as the pronoun.
Initially I thought I’d meet the right person in Ala-anon—someone who would appreciate being treated
with respect and was a giver. But then I can also meet a woman there who drove her husband to drink or
one who needs to be abused. Sounds pretty risky! But how do we find out this information? The direct
approach will get three strikes.
What I share with you in Chapter X—Four Steps in Relationship could be well worth the investment of
this e-book in providing more clarity to a confusing subject.
The abundance trap:
How many people do you date simultaneously? It’s a hard question and has a rather amorphous answer.
With internet dating, you might think you’re dating three or four at once and think you have the choice
of two or three women only to find out that they all send you an email, “thanks, you’re a great guy, but I
met someone else.” Suddenly, you have no one. So, it’s really difficult to know how many people you’re
actually dating if any at all—even if you’ve been out with someone several times. Just as you’re dating
seemingly at the speed of light and things go your way some days at the speed of light, the next day,
things may not be going you way. That’s because disappointments can also occur at the speed of light.
They can accumulate so fast that they can be overwhelming.
It’s a challenge to put the disappointments behind you especially if you had really liked a particular
person. But in some respects it’s like the quarterback can’t be thinking, “we’re in the fourth quarter and
down three touchdowns.” He has to be thinking, “we’re in the fourth quarter and we have opportunities
to learn from our previous mistakes and get our game going the right way—we can change the energy to
our favor.” Likewise, it’s important to let yourself feel the disappointment, recognize that it’s a byproduct of the process and that you want to let it go, benefit from it, learn from it, and be here now. That
means, totally be with the next person you’re with and leave the past disappointment in the past, but yet
use what you learned from the last disappointment in the present situation.
Remember, it’s nice to have plans and goals. In fact much of our education has focused us on being goal
oriented. However, in reality, life is often more about the goals and plans that fall through than the plans
and goals we make. Not to mention that sometimes our goals are simply impractical in the first place.
The amazing thing is that very few of us have ever had any training in how to handle disappointments.
Somehow they are supposed to just be taken care of or overridden by us getting back on the saddle and
trying to ride again. This denial contributes to a lot of physical and psychological ailments—keeps
doctors and psychologists in business. The unfortunate thing is that these professionals focus on the
symptom and never think to look for the contributing disappointments that led to the problem so it’s like
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a being on a merry go round that turns at a high rate of speed that never stops and you can only get off it
by falling off. Let me put in a plug for two of my cd programs, Over Come Life Crisis and Building Self
Worth. Both provide you with the tools to learn and benefit from disappointments and all the emotions
that come with them.
The good news is that no matter how fast relationships can collapse, if your belong to a service like
match.com, you’ll have up to 20 matches in your email the next day. And just when you thought you
had checked out all the available members of the opposite sex in your area, a new one joins and her
picture is right there in front of you.
The cocky trap:
With so many women on the hook so to speak, before you get the “so long Joe,” email, you may have an
interview with a really neat person and screw it up thinking that it doesn’t matter because you already
met a great person. But then the abundance trap gets you and you have zero prospects when if you
weren’t so cocky, you might have at least made a new friend.
The sex trap:
Men and women have the same goals, but different agendas. If you’re a man and think like a man, you
will be very disappointed 85% of the time.
Some say a great sex life is 90% of a relationship. And not everyone makes love the same way. Let’s
face it, not all of us guys are hung the same. And sometimes the physical position of a woman’s
anatomy makes a big difference in being able to maintain an erection. So wouldn’t it make sense to
experiment with love making soon in the relationship so you know whether to pursue the relationship
seriously. That’s “guy thinking.” You got to remember, many women associate sex with pain—the pain
of a broken marriage and giving of themselves for up to 30 years or more only to get the wrong end of
the shaft (no pun intended).
So it’s a big risk that’s important to take. “What about sexually transmitted disease,” you ask? Talk
about it, get your blood tested and demand the same from him/her. Stop hiding behind the, I want to get
to know you,” routine. Don’t even go out for a third date unless you’re considering physical intimacy in
which case you want to be discussing the subject of blood tests on the first or second date to allow time
to get the blood test results. Exception to the rule: you both decided and agree that celibacy is the road to
travel or sex is a non issue. Once you’ve taken the physical intimacy step, you may need to date this
person 10 times before begin to discover answers to some of your questions. More about how to tell if
you’re on track later by using pre-talk.
The commitment trap:
Ok, you found her and figure she feels the same about you so you stop fishing for other relationships by
writing, “I’m pursuing relationship with another person,” email only to get the same email from her at
which time you wish you hadn’t been so presumptuous.
What I learned is to avoid commitment by saying, “I just got divorced and I’d like to be free for some
time before I settle down—not that I won’t be settling down next week with you, but right now, I’m not
into settling down.
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The have to have a date trap:
With so many possibilities, you feel that you have to have a date every night and day of the weekend.
It’s easy for one’s self worth to be affected by one’s dating schedule, i.e. if I have a date, I can feel good
about myself; if I don’t have a date, I feel poorly about myself. And why should you feel less about
yourself simply because you have no date for a particular evening, weekend, or month? It probably goes
back to juvenile thinking of 30 or more years ago that may be important to acknowledge and bring up to
date.
The procrastination trap:
If you get an email or a wink—some form of interest from someone, unless you are already booked up
or on overload with all your dates, don’t procrastinate. The early bird thing is true when it comes to
Internet dating. I had sent out 6 emails and at the time, had zero dates or interest from anyone. Then like
over night, one gal connects with me from a month ago, and one responds to my email, and another
finds me in her search. Then two others respond to my emails, but they are tied up because of holidays
or other scheduled activities. I’m already busy with three women and will shortly be on overload myself
when another one responds by phone. It had been so long since I contacted her that I forgot who she was
until she gave me her handle and I looked up her profile on the internet. She was simply too late for the
time being. I had a very interesting conversation with her and did everything I could to make her feel
good about calling me and then simply told her the truth that I had met someone and was going to
pursue that relationship for now and asked her if it would be ok to call her if things didn’t work out—I
didn’t tell her I was considering three other relationships. She wished me good luck and invited me to
call if things didn’t work out. When this happens to you, make sure you keep her name in a file for
future follow-up.
Look stupid trap:
When did you say your birthday was? How many children and grand children do you have and where do
they live? What’s your favorite foods? What do you like to do for fun?
These are just a few of the many questions to which you will learn the answers. If you’ve an excellent
memory, that’s great. Unless you have an excellent memory, you will want to start taking notes. I use a
mini digital recorder and after a date I make notes about those points of interest. I then transcribe them
to my computer along with phone number and make it a point to review the information along with their
profiles before going on the next date. Remember, if you’re emailing, communicating by phone, and
dating three or four at a time, the facts can all run together—at least they do for me, so it’s important to
keep a file with each person listing their handle, name, phone numbers, email address, where they live,
interests, number of children, grand children, animals, birthdays, address, and any other preferences you
learn after each contact. You can also list things you did together and topics of conversation.
This may be a lot of detail, but then, you never know when something will be important. And keep the
information for months even after you stop seeing the person as life has strange twists and you just
might cross paths again.
Alternatively, if things come to a stand still in your dating game, you can simply reflect on some of your
past relationships and use them to lift your spirits and even though you might have made some terrible
mistake that cost the relationship, at least you can revel in the fact that you attracted a great prospect and
if you did it once, you can do it again.
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Also keep a date book so you’ll avoid getting times and places mixed up and make sure that when you
go to meet someone, you’ll meet the right person at the right time.
Only Interest Trap:
Your dates will ask you about your other interests. Don’t say your biggest interest is dating. Sure, you’re
coming out of a long term relationship and haven’t really had any interests for yourself, and are hoping
to meet Mr or Mrs Right right away and adopt his/her interests, but don’t count on it.
A suggestion is to develop other interests such as taking dancing lessons—a valuable skill for dating.
Answering this question can also be an opportunity to have fun by teasing her. You can say that you
hobby is chasing tornados in Kansas, or that you raise pit bulls. Tease her about it and ask her if her
hobby is collecting Norman Rockwell figurines or if she likes to play golf. Then tease her about it.
Break up trap:
With Internet dating, Neil Sedaka’s song, Breaking Up is Hard to Do is changed to Breaking Up is Easy
to Do. Sure in days gone by—like in the 70’s, it was normal for the breaker-up person to feel guilty for
spoiling the other person’s party. In fact many people never broke up and just went on to get married
because they couldn’t deal with the guilt of hurting someone else. Internet dating has changed all that or
at least most of it. Now the breaker-up person simply thinks to him/her self, “No big deal, he’s got the
Internet. He’ll have up to twenty prospective matches in his email tomorrow and can find someone else
to replace me within a week or so. No need to feel guilty again! The Internet dating service does what I
can’t do—provide a pillow on which to fall.” So now breaking up is easy to do—period. And maybe it
should be that way.
I remember taking the est training (Werner Erhardt) years ago. He said, “Boy meets girl. Boy and girl
have a great time. Boy says, ‘I love you,’ and girl replies with the same.” Soon “I love you,” is an
expected response and taken for granted.
Later on, boy or girl changes focus or interest and instead of it being, “Thanks for the memories and for
the opportunity of knowing you,” it’s making divorce attorneys rich and each one making the other one
wrong and about pain and suffering.
The lazy trap:
Don’t just sit back and expect people to come to you. You’re most likely on the internet dating scene
because you spend too many Fridays and Saturdays home alone or with friends who have dates and you
don’t. Truth is, you’re still going to spend many Friday and Saturday nights home. And to get the most
out of your membership, you need to work the data base. Search for a partner within 15 miles and with a
service like Match.com, you’ll get up to 50 pages of possibilities with around 6 possibilities on each
page.
You have several different methods of communication available:
1. Winks—Some Internet services such as match.com give you the opportunity to simply wink. This
means you don’t have to take bunches of time to write emails that never get read or a result in a
response. You simply click on wink and an auto responder is sent to the person telling them you have an
interest. They can either wink back in which case you know there is some mutual interest or they can
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email you a brief note. Either way it’s time for you to follow up with an email in which you might offer
a phone number.
2. Emails: You compose an email to each person. Nine months after I joined match.com my advice was,
“If you have lots of time, send a lot of emails, but to save a lot of time, do winks. By the time you read
the profiles, look at the photos, and wink at every one who interests you, you’ll go through many hours.”
I wrote this before I wrote Part V of this e-book where I now recommend sending emails in place of
winks as being the best advice, but make the email generic, specific, and easy as I share in Part V.
Winking works like this: wink at 25 or 30 and maybe, just maybe you’ll get one or two winks in return
and if you’re really lucky, you’ll get an email from someone. Why will you only get one or two winks
or emails in return?
1.
Some believe a wink is not enough of a commitment on your part—it’s too easy and insufficient
effort on your part, so they simply ignore winks, but my experience is that even though some believe
that, if they check your photo and if they find it interesting enough to check your profile, they just might
respond anyway. None the less, some won’t, but it’s not large enough percentage to get upset about. In
other words, sending 50 winks will be a lot more efficient than writing 50 emails and the few that won’t
respond will be far outweighed by the one’s that will respond. But that’s all changed now since I wrote
Part V of this book which contains an email that’s more powerful than a wink and just as easy to do as a
wink.
2.
They are on vacation and by the time they return to your wink, they figure your wink is too old
and don’t respond.
3.
They are considering several other potential matches and just keep putting off responding to you.
Later on I write about how when it rains it pours and you might have just winked someone who has lots
of possibilities pouring in and is waiting to meet someone before getting back to you. In other words, if
they had a deadline, they would probably respond that they are too busy meeting others to consider
anyone else at this time. But because they know how fickle this internet dating can be, they don’t want
to burn your bridge until they know that the other possibilities won’t work.
4.
They are simply overwhelmed.
5.
Their email isn’t working and they can’t receive messages.
6.
They stopped their subscription to the dating service
a.
And are in a relationship.
b.
And aren’t interested in paying to respond to the wink. Some internet dating services your
listing active when you cancel, but will charge you to respond to anyone who attempts to contact you.
7.
They only joined the service to make their boy or girl friend jealous and have no intentions of
meeting someone. It’s true. I met an attractive young lady at a home show. I soon learned that she was
single, but in a 2 year relationship. I shared I had joined match.com and she admitted that she had just let
her subscription expire. She went on to explain that she joined to make her boyfriend jealous because
she felt unappreciated. I told her my experience with match.com and that I met someone over Thanks
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Giving and was going to see her that night and also had misgivings about the relationship. I asked her to
lunch and she invited me to drop by the bank in which she works which I did a few days later and again
asked her to lunch. She invited me to call her. Before I called, I sent her a dozen roses and then I called
her to set up a date.
I met her at a nice restaurant near where she works. She’s been seeing this guy who is 12 years younger
than she is for two years—mainly sexual. Her teenage children don’t even know him or about him. Her
ex-husband was an alcoholic and a gambler so she knew all about Ala-anon. I suggested that we date
and she simply let me know that her opinion of me was that I know what I want and go after it as I did
with the roses, but she’s not interested. At first I was really disappointed. Guess I was addicted to ending
my search with this beautiful woman. In retrospect, her history of Ala-anon is a warning sign along with
her involvement in a sexual relationship with a man who is only interested in her sexually. My
intellectual self suspects that she’s avoiding and I don’t need to be in a therapeutic situation to help some
woman get over her traumatic ex relationship. My emotional self kept her number for about a year
before I dumped it from my rolodex—wishful thinking.
The too old trap:
Everyone wants youth. Men always want younger women and often think women who are over 50 are
over the hill. And women often make the same assumption, although it’s more like, “men over 60 are
over the hill.” Not necessarily so! There are a lot of young looking women over 60 and young looking
men over 70. Not to say that women over 70 can’t be young looking too. Generally, women make a
mistake and search for men no more than 10 years older and men make a mistake by searching only for
women younger than they are. So expand your search to include chronologically younger and older
possibilities.
Younger? Why not. She/he just might be attracted to your looks—maybe you remind him/her of
someone who was endearing to him/her.
Assume the computer does it all trap:
Just because you paid your membership fee doesn’t mean that the dating service will keep you fresh and
in front of others of the opposite sex. Not at all! You can get dropped and not even show up in a search
for someone your age and geographical proximity if there are 50 pages of returns. With a service like
match.com, if you do a search for 15 miles, you’ll get 50 pages of returns, but that may not be all the
prospects in the area. The computer seems to drop you if you are inactive. What do I mean by inactive?
To maintain activity, simply signing in and using the service is insufficient. You need to make changes
in your profiles. Only minor ones are required. Every change has to be approved by the service and
every time a change is approved, you’re activated again—just like you’ve just signed up for the service
for the first time. To stay fresh, make minor changes to your profile every two to three weeks.
The Don’t take charge trap or the “What would you like to do?” Trap: What do would you like to
do honey? Fellows: this question can sink your boat. Do women want to make the choices or have men
take charge? At first I thought I was the thoughtful person by asking my date what she would like to do.
It seems right, right? I’m the nice guy wanting to know what my date wants to do—being respectful!.
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Pam really resented it and I thought she was a pain in the ass. After all I was the one paying the bill so
why couldn’t she research and find the activity. No, No, No! Because I’m paying the bill, she wanted me
to choose the activities so she wouldn’t feel guilty or to blame if I didn’t have a good time.
Women like “take charge guys” and if you select something they don’t like (of course by setting up for
the first date, I’d hope you know from your emails, phone discussion, or first meeting what her interests
are and not fall into the stupid trap). I have to admit this is one of my weak points. I’ve always wanted to
let her choose the activity, but by in large, it’s interpreted by women that I’m a wimp—not an admirable
feature.
Nice Guy Trap: Nice guys finish last. That’s true!! The easy going, be there kind of guy who brings
roses, takes his date to a nice restaurant, compliments his date, treats her like a queen, and makes it easy
for her to like him is generally the loser when it comes to getting the right woman. Want to be taken
advantage of? Be a nice guy.
I’m sure you’ve seen the great looking woman fall in love with the jerk--the guy who doesn’t treat her
like a queen. When I first read this, I was really intrigued because that’s me—a nice guy. And I
generally came up short on the relationship end. Chapters and chapters have been written about this
subject to help nice guys stop being so nice. David DeAngelo, dating geru, has e-books, cd’s,
newsletters about this very subject which I highly recommend. The premise is that nice comes across as
“Needy,” and women hate, “needy.” Not that you won’t open doors and do gentlemanly things—you’ll
stop being nice and needy. That’s the goal. Stop being a “wus,” as David calls it.
The Email Trap: Of the all the women I’ve met, at most there was an exchange of two-three emails
except for Arlene. I included my phone and direct email in the first email and got another email back.
She wanted to know about my previous relationships. It was like she was email shopping. One week and
a record twenty-one emails later we meet. In the course of discussion I offered that she had the record on
the number of emails. She wondered what the norm was and I told her that it’s usually one or two emails
followed by a phone conversation. She shared that in her first contact, she emailed this guy for an entire
month and then asked for his number at which time he replied that in the mean time, he met someone
else and only wanted to pursue one relationship at a time.
Another gal I emailed suggested a “slow peel” and I agreed. It was over a snowy weekend and we had
18” of snow on the ground. I emailed her that I thought it was a great idea expecting an email back in a
day or so and left for a week end date. She emailed me back within twenty minutes or so and when I
returned two days later, I replied to her email and then received no response for a week until I sent her
another email asking if she had found another with whom to peel. She emailed me back that she was no
longer interested. I suspect it was her test to see if I was married or something and figured that since I
didn’t reply right away, I had a wife around. I didn’t anticipate her slow peel would be over a few hours,
but then, I’ll never know. Maybe I should have created an excuse that I had to go to my mother’s place
and would connect in a day or so. So generally, if I’m emailing someone who is emailing me right back,
and I need to leave, I say, “gotta run, get back to you later.”
Recently Separated/Divorced Trap
While attending Ala-anon, I met John, who had recently separated from his wife. It was a friendly
separation and he stopped by to see her once a week to give her money. She’d usually tell him how
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much better she felt since they were separated, reiterate how much stronger a person she was, and tell
him how much better her relationship was with her kids since they separated. She’d also tell him about
how many guys were hitting on her at her place of work –he describes her as a very beautiful woman.
John hoped for but never got the, “honey I miss you, maybe we can go to a therapist, or, yes, I’ve been
in denial and I’d like you to help me deal with it.…”
So, John figured it time to move on—not that anyone had him tied up. He too hoped to meet someone in
Ala-anon as he doesn’t do well in grocery stores asking for help—although it seems like a perfect way to
meet someone. So he began talking about singles dances. In fact, he actually invited his wife to go with
him to a dance. In retrospect, he realized that might have been a stupid thing to do because she probably
would have been dancing all night with all kinds of guys and he’d be left out with no one. Actually, he
had hoped that they’d dance a lot together.
She was upset at the idea of him going to single dances and wanted no part of it. All during this time he
and she were having conjugal relations. John’s next step was a computer dating service. He wasn’t on
the dating service more than a week and she called him to read his profile to him, began telling him how
upsetting it was to see her husband on a dating service, and how embarrassing because everyone she
knew saw it too. She never asked about reconciliation or to deal with her denial but instead told him how
everyone on the computer dating services is a loser. Apparently, a friend of hers’ saw his photo and told
her about it.
Within two weeks of seeing John on the dating service, she was seeing another man. She describes him
as even older than John and much shorter (she’s 6’ tall) and heavy in the middle compared to John’s
tight ass and tummy. It was a real killer to his ego—trading him for a much older, short, fat ugly guy
that was really a “nice guy”, as she described him.
Within a month she stops the conjugal visits she and John were having and announces that she really
likes this man. Suddenly, John, this guy who was intellectually and emotionally ready to move on, is
stopped in his tracks. And being really stupid, John asks if she was having sex with the guy and she
answers, “yes,” along with all the details he simply didn’t need to know. Consciously or unconsciously
she was out to hurt him and she succeeded. “Hey, just run that 16 wheeler right over me”, he said. She’s
then telling him about her new lover’s Johnson is much bigger and his balls flap in the breeze compared
to John’s tight balls and smaller Johnson. She tells him that even though her lover’s bigger, it doesn’t hit
the right spots that John’s did. I mean just take a gun and shoot John. He’s emotionally dying as she
goes on and on and I was having trouble holding back my laughing as he’s relating his story. Now let’s
get Kinsey in our description--the real kicker is that John knows that she’s telling the truth, she’s settling
for painful sex. Then she’s telling him that her new lover and she agree that a great sex life is 90% of the
relationship, but the guy’s libido is low. But, in reality, John has no idea whether she’s telling him the
truth or concocting some story simply to inflict emotional pain. He said that if she was telling the truth,
he should buy stock in the KY jelly company.
This put John into an emotional roller coaster and he didn’t know why. When he looked at all the
reasons they were getting divorced this sex stuff meant nothing—absolutely nothing. He had seven years
of complete faithfulness and now he feels run over by a 16 wheeler. The result was that he then had
trouble imagining himself with another woman—what a kicker—all because he published a photo of
himself in his profile that identified him.
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So, if you are not divorced, I highly recommend staying away from publishing a photo—you never
know how it can emotionally put you on a roller coaster when instead you really want to be moving on
by meeting new and interesting people as opposed to getting caught in some emotional net. The new
people you meet will pick up on your emotional scars and begin thinking you’re still hung up on your ex
even though you know in your own mind a hundred thousand reasons intellectually why it will never
work. The new people you meet often have been divorced for years and have trouble relating to the
emotional games that get played or if they do, don’t want to go through them again.
These are the major traps, but of course you don’t get close to these traps without some bait. I don’t
know why I keep using the metaphor of fishing except that is seems to fit.
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CHAPTER IV—FLITERATOUS EMAILS
Being successful at the mechanics of getting to know others or contacting others or having them contact
you is where your power lies.
Power of Emails:
Aside from winks, your first level of communication is with e-mails. When I first joined match.com, I
began by writing personal emails instead of winks as a first communication. Because I didn’t know how
to write a succinct one as I give in Part V of this e-book, the first ones were very time consuming—even
if I copied and pasted a large part of it.
My first emails went something like this,
Subject –hello from (my town)
Body,
Hi (their handle)
I noticed your profile and would like to get to know you better.
I’m the kind of guy that would vote for Hillary in the white house with Bill as her first man. Blah blah
blah.
Very rarely would I get any response and I imagine it’s easy for you to see why---blah blah blah.
What I learned about myself is that having been married to a very possessive potentially jealous person,
I didn’t know how to flirt. Well, I can’t blame her—I never really knew how to flirt, period. It was like
to flirt was to subject myself to accusation or possible rejection and I hate being accused of things I
didn’t do or rejection so I never flirted. I remember this one time when my ex and I were walking along
a side walk as this young gal crossed our path 20 feet in front of us. It was impossible for either of us not
to see her. This gal had a normally attractive body with breasts the size of a foot ball. I never complained
about the size of my wife’s breasts and never would—they were perfect so I don’t know the basis of this
accusation that flew out of her mouth, “I see you! You were staring at her breasts weren’t you? Mine
aren’t enough for you?”
I mean, I couldn’t help seeing this anomaly; she crossed right in front of us. Was I staring—absolutely
not although I was thinking, “They could kill a guy if they got loose.” I remember the case several years
ago where this guy was suing this woman for hitting him with her breasts. I always wondered what I’d
do with all that extra breast if I had a woman so endowed. My second wife was well bosomed. They
were great, but I didn’t see any particular advantage from a male’s perspective. I certainly wouldn’t feel
better as a man knowing I had a woman with larger than life breasts. So was I gawking? No way. I
limited it to a glance in my direct line of sight—no head turning for this guy.
And that was the bull I got just for looking in front of me as a woman crossed our path, I could imagine
what kind of bull I would have gotten if she observed me flirt with another woman. So I didn’t look or
flirt with other women. In terms of physical qualities, I was very happy with my ex and had no need to
flirt, even though it would have been a nice skill to develop.
So having an insecure wife just made it easy for me to never flirt. She must have been insecure about her
breast size, whenever we went anywhere, if she thought I glanced at a pretty woman out of the corner of
my eyes, her response would be, “she has bigger breasts than I do, doesn’t she—that’s why you’re
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looking?” Who needs that horse manure? It’s just easier to go thru marriage with a blinder on and
worship the beautiful breasts she has.
Well, anyway, flirting was off limits for me, yet I remember one time while on vacation in Palm Springs
I left her by the pool to go get a drink for us, when I returned she was talking with some guy. When I
questioned her, she said, “Oh, he’s from Minnesota and he’s here on vacation and he was just
commenting on blah blah, blah.”
“Bull shxx,” I thought to myself, “he wants to get in your pants and damn it, I only get in them when I
guess the magic spot of the week.” To say it out loud could have ruined the whole vacation.
So flirting wasn’t my cup of tea. I could never strike up a conversation with an attractive lady without
getting the silent treatment for the balance of any vacation we were on. For me flirting equals “no sex”
equals pain. And the same held true for when we were home.
The good news about Internet dating, is that you have plenty opportunity to experiment with flirting. In
fact I dated a gal a couple times and acknowledged to her that I didn’t know how to flirt. Having been
married I also feel like a fish out of water—another useful analogy. If you have similar feelings and
acknowledge them, the women you meet will be all too helpful in giving you pointers to help you
overcome these minor blocks.
My first emails lacked any flirtation and were poor on compliments since I view compliments as being
flirtatious and then I saw her—the perfect woman photographically and profile wise in my matches for
the day. She looked and sounded too good to be true. And she probably was. I picked up on a few things
in her profile and wrote the following email which you can modify according to your specifics.
Hi (her handle)
“You look and sound too good to be true. But then a little about me, I cook, peel vegetables, enjoy lots
of romance, am into the metaphysical, had a stress management practice for 20 years--hypnosis,
biofeedback, energy balancing--and still sell cd's and tapes on the internet--www.DStressDoc.com-and now my mind is in the gutter (I now manufacture gutter covers). Don't ask why--I'm still trying to
figure it out. I make the best tasting most creative salad you can imagine, the most flavorful shrimp
scampi among other dishes, and help cleaning up.
I stay in shape physically, mentally, and emotionally by dancing, jogging and doing some yoga.
I'm looking to connect with that special someone. I was married for 5 years plus two additional years of
dating the same woman. I'm the kind of guy that has trouble even imaging myself with another woman
once I'm in relationship. Recently divorced, I feel like a fish out of water learning how to date again.
Do you have any children?
Richard
XXXX@network.net
richard@network.net (if you respond directly, please send to both with match.com in the subject. I get
hundreds of spam daily and would not want to erase your email by mistake.
908-625-XXXX (please leave message as I often leave the phone in a coat pocket or someplace I can't
get to quickly enough to answer it.)”
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I couldn’t believe my eyes when she responded to my email. I was in the middle of a long dry spell on
the match game—not one new person in three-four weeks. Fortunately, I had been busy dating a woman
off and on who after our seventh date told me that she didn’t see a light bulb light up telling her I was
the one. She was probably right, but she was the only one left from a few that initially responded to my
profile and I did enjoy her company. I guess I have to give her an A for effort in that she tried to see that
light bulb light up--hell we even watched the eclipse together one night and it still didn’t light up.
A more succinct email I received that I like is the following:
I know that I winked at you, however again you've been chosen as one of my
matches. Shall we trust their formula and see what happens....Paula
These formats work and the last one is the easiest to do—simply copy and paste. I received it from Paula
who is included in Part II Chapter 10.
Creativeness
The key is to be creative,
For various reasons, my email may not be you. I’ve had lots of fun with simply being myself. Until you
get the hang of having fun, create an email that you can copy and paste.
Here’s one I had fun with. Her handle was Delinda123 and she lives in my home town.
“There can't be 123 dlinda's, can there be?
I've been gong to Brooklyn, Bay Head, Bridgewater, Princeton... to meet a possible match with a great
smile like you have, but never to Middletown. And why not? We might just be neighbors. I'm tired of
making life difficult, can we meet or talk? Maybe it doesn't have to be a distant thing unless you like
guys from Brooklyn or Princeton?
A little about me. I keep in great physical shape, was taking lessons at Fred Astair, am told that my
photos don't do me justice, love to cook--make the best shrimp scampi in the country (my x taught me
how to cook)-- have a business on Broad st in Red Bank, am a great listener, and have a great
relationship with my X (in case you need a reference).
If you'd like try a guy from Middletown, I'm
Richard
XXXX@network.com
Richard@network.com (if you reply, please send to both emails with match.com in the subject.
I get hundreds of emails everyday and wouldn’t want to erase it by mistake.
908-625-XXXX (if I don't answer, please leave a message as I might be in Brooklyn or
Princeton or most likely it's in my coat pocket and I can't find the damn thing in time to
answer)”
Truthfully, I don’t know why I didn’t get a response from this email unless I erased her response by
accident thinking it was spam. But then in then there’s really no reason for a long email in the first place.
Here’s another one:
Hi Nurse,
My brown eyes would love to gaze into your gorgeous brown eyes. They say the doorway to the soul is in the eyes. I am
looking for that warm affectionate, caring, sensual person to mirror myself and keep the embers hot.
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And who knows what special finds we'll find at the flea markets in Hawaii (that is if you like to travel that far--otherwise the New
Hope area).
I really hope for an opportunity to be your XXXX in time,
Again, don’t know why I didn’t get a response!
Then there were two teachers and I emailed each the same
:
Hi (handle)
If I brought you your favorite apple, could I be the teacher’s pet?
I received one response out of two from this approach. Unfortunately, the one that I did receive
discounted me when she learned that I had a 15 year old son even though I told her I was proud and
honored to be his dad. Seems her two sons put her through some aggravation at that age and even though
they were much older and now human, she had disconcerting memories.
Here’s an email I received from a potential match—the one in Chapter II with whom I communicated
and killed the deal:
“I live in Princeton Junction, New Jersey.
Read my profile, view my photograph, ponder and decide if you, too, think that we should respond.
I look forward to your thoughts.
(her handle)”
It’s a perfect inquiry for a woman to write a man. However, I sent it to two potential matches and got
back the “thanks, but no than you,” response.
There’s there was a younger gal who was 10 yrs younger who had a child and who wanted someone
who would bring flowers if for no other reason than to say, “I love you.” I knew that the age of her child
had to be about the age of mine, so I wrote this email:
”You look and sound too good to be true. I like to bring flowers if for no other
reason than to say, I appreciate you--you are special--I love you!
I like to cook and I make best shrimp scampi in the county.
I have a 15 yr young son whom I'm honored to have in my life. Anyway, before I
write a book, take a look at my profile and see if there is a possibility.
Chemistry--rather than an exothermic relationship, I'm looking for an endothermic
relationship. I've have enough relationships with sparks that die after
commitment.
I'm looking for a relationship where it's built on friendship and companionship and
then let the relationship ignite.”
I received no response. I include these emails for both your amusement and as a boost to your creativity.
Certainly, as I’ve demonstrated the ones that don’t work, you can save time and never be tempted to use
them.
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CHAPTER V -- FREQUENTLY MADE MISTAKES AND RULES OF THUMB TO AVOID
MAKING THEM
Mistakes to avoid in getting to and in the next step—phone conversation.
Don’t make it difficult for someone to reach you. I had connected with this woman who appeared to be
beyond my wildest dreams. She told me she was starting to see some one and was flattered by my email.
I emailed her back and mentioned I’d be in her area on Saturday on business (true, but you can create
business as an excuse) and wanted to know if she’d like to meet for lunch.
She emailed me back and said, “What the hell.” And she mentioned that she likes to talk first by phone.
I was elated and emailed her my number and a list of times she could call me. I have a hands free thing
in my car that is only like a speaker phone so I didn’t want her phoning me when I was with my son or
on another date. She was going to phone me between 5 and 5:30 pm and then my 5:30pm date for the
evening changed plans to meet a half hour earlier which meant I’d be in a restaurant with another date
when she called. So I emailed a request for her to call me earlier at work. Well, she got put off by the
whole mess and cancelled our lunch date which I had invested so much to get—guess she figured I was
married or just too much trouble with which to communicate.
The rule of thumb is to give them your cell phone or home phone. If a call comes in and you don’t
recognize the number, press the ignore button” which will take it to voice mail. At home, if a call comes
in and you’re not in a position to take the call, let it go to the answering machine. Everyone understands
that telemarketers call all the time and it’s normal to ignore a call. Make sure the volume on your
answering machine (if you don’t use voice mail is turned very low.) Actually, this isn’t all that important
since everyone knows that you’re computer dating and it’s normal to get calls from your fishing
expeditions. Everyone knows that to get one call you need to contact from 4-to-50 people. In the
beginning, I’d be lucky to get one return in 50, with an improved new profile and photos in Chapter II
and the e-mail in Part V, I get about one in six.
In your emails, encourage them to leave a phone message; otherwise they will assume you’re too busy
for them. After my phone number I write, “If I don’t answer, please leave a message as I often leave the
phone in a pocket that I can’t get to in time to answer or I sometimes I leave it in another room” Don’t
say that you may not be able to hear it unless you want them to suspect you have a hearing problem.
And don’t suggest that you forget and leave it at the office unless you want them to question you as a
candidate for Alzheimer’s.
Another rule of thumb is to be enthusiastic and aggressive. Norma emailed me telling me she liked
my profile and thought I was a good looking guy. I checked her profile and found neither a picture nor a
profile and emailed her back asking why she was so secretive and requested a photo. She emailed me
right away telling me her photo was coming. I checked again and found her profile up, but still not her
photo and emailed back with the subject, “a little less secretive.” She replied never being defensive but
simply explaining that she just found me on the site and then found that in order to communicate with
me, she had to complete the profiles, send photos, and pay the fee. I was flattered knowing that someone
went to all that trouble just because she was attracted to me. She was certainly aggressive and assertive
and her photo was up within 24 hours of us beginning communication. Too bad she was a dog. Just
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kidding. If I had her photo 24 hrs earlier, I’d have invited her to a concert that I ended up taking a “no
where to go” date.
Some things make no sense at all. For instance, you get a wink from an attractive person, email him or
her back and get no response. It happens too often to take it personally. In the meantime, the person who
contacted you has probably made a match.
Sign off with class rule:
You email someone and get a “thanks but I just started seeing someone and I’d like to see where it
goes,” response.
Email them back something like this, “It's my luck that the most beautiful woman on match just found
someone else. Best to you and if for some reason, things don't work out, please email me at (your email
address).
Of if you’re a woman, “It’s my luck that the most handsome guy on match has just found someone else.
Good luck and if for some reason things don’t work out please email me at (your email address).”
Who knows he/she just might save your email and respond later on. In the mean time, it costs you
nothing.
A lady I met once met kept coming back into the picture. It was during my cocky phase when I thought I
had already met my match only to find out later that I was dumped. Somehow the profile of this one
woman seemed to place me on a less serious note. For some reason, I didn’t care about what I said and
ended up teasing her about sex on the first interview at a restaurant. It always seemed to be a natural
response to her comments. It was more of a one-ups man ship than a date. I laughed and laughed but at
the end of the date, I didn’t feel that either of us was real—that we hid behind the jokes we made. She
didn’t seem like my match as I couldn’t imagine going on another date and always being one up or one
down.
At that time I had some very serious dietary restrictions, which I shared with her on the first interview.
She called me a day or so later—Saturday morning—around 9:00am when I like to sleep and read me
what sounded like the riot act about laying my restrictions on her. She likes very nice restaurants (even
that initial interview get to know you date cost me 70 whopping dollars as she chose the restaurant) and
likes to travel and all I seemed to do was limit her.
I gleaned from her what I could about my approach to my limitations and thought to myself I’d address
the issue with others perhaps with more sensitivity. I figured I would never date her again as I got the
impression that I’d have a hard time living up to her expectations. I even wondered if she were a gold
digger.
Afterwards strange things happened. We exchanged a few emails and tried to connect for a date. The
weekend opened for her and then it closed and we ended up going out on a Monday evening. I was
feeling under the weather, but kept my appointment with her. She told me she was meeting someone
afterwards and I was relieved that it would be a short evening. I had no expectations other than to
somehow suggest we remain friends. Neither of us tried to talk either of us into anything. We had fun,
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shared common interests and I actually came away thinking of the possibility of a match with her. She
has a very strong personality and if was hard for me to imagine she could ever be mush and I shared
that.
We discussed at some length some of her dates that seemed to go well but never advanced to the next
stage—another date. I wondered if they sensed the same thing that I sensed, that they wondered if they
could live up to her expectations. I certainly wondered if I could afford her tastes in dining, travel, and
so on. I did manage to keep the second date to drinks which even still was around $40 with her exotic
tastes in fine liquors.
I asked for the receipt for the drinks and she wondered why. I shared with her that I was gathering
information to make a cd on how to date on the Internet—didn’t know the answers yet, but was in the
midst of learning. We exchanged ideas all evening long and she felt it be best done by a book.
I couldn’t sleep when I got home so I began writing thinking that if she adds her ten pages to my ten
pages and go from there we’d have a book. And I also thought that if we were also a match it will also
have a success story behind it too. We communicated briefly by email, almost had another date, she
developed the flu, and next thing I knew she dropped me the, “dear John,” email and I lost my
collaborator and the ten pages I was hoping to receive from her.
The separation rule: I must share this one. Had John known about it, he might have saved himself six
weeks of aggravation, mental torment, sleepless nights and extreme worry! The rule goes like this: If
you’re not yet divorced, do not publish your pictures. Don’t even think of it. Limit yourself to the search
aspect of Internet dating. And when you send that special email, attach your photos—all of them.
However, with match.com you can’t attach your photos to their email system, you will need to get
his/her regular email to attach your photos. I learned this the hard way as I kept attaching photos to my
emails only to have her tell me she wasn’t getting any photos. When I learned why after two or three
attempts, I felt quite naïve and had lost the momentum in the relationship. It’s unlikely the other person
will know why your photos aren’t coming through and they will begin to think you’re playing some
insidious game to keep them from seeing your photos.
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CHAPTER VI -- FIRST PHONE CALL
You want to remember to whom you gave your phone number so when you do receive the call, you’ll
remember some of her profile and where she lives. It’s not a good idea to give your phone number to
everyone you contact from an initial email. Only give out your phone number when they have emailed
you back. Be cheerful and eager to receive their call.
Option One—matter of fact:
This is the matter-of-fact option. The option I’d rather avoid at all costs because it’s canned and what
most women expect. In this option you want to learn as much as you can about the person and visa
versa. Typical questions you might ask are how long they have been a member of the Internet service
and how they are finding it. Of course you’ll want to know something about their status, divorced and
how long, children, and grand children. Find out about their likes and dislikes, work they do. Be
interested in getting to know them and then inform her that she sounds like a great person to get to know
and ask her for coffee/tea/bite to eat.
Avoid getting into detail about your past relationships—no need to complicate things with your
baggage. Avoid talking about sex.
Talk about the romantic things you like to do—romantic walks on the beach, candle lit dinners, bed and
breakfasts, and romantic vacations…
Option Two—fun option:
In this option, you go for what David D’Angelo (dating guru) calls cocky and funny. Find something in
their profile or one of their photos to tease them about. Be subtle. Avoid answering any factual questions
without stretching the answer to the limit. Subscribe to his newsletter or buy his e-books or cd’s to get
more creative ideas. From time to time, I’ll share some that I’ve used through out the remaining parts of
this book.
You can also save yourself some time and at the right time advance the conversation to the intimate by
asking her what she misses in having a relationship. Tell her what you miss in not having a serious
relationship—you know stuff like waking up with someone you care about. Having someone to hold
close, hold hands with, dance in the kitchen with—be creative.
If you do a good job here, you’ll end up having her share her fantasies and you might say, “You know, I
already feel like I can tell you anything.” She will agree and then gradually move into having her
imagine you’re there holding her and caressing her hair. If you can have her play this in her mind, reality
is only a few steps away and familiarity is very high for when you meet her in person.
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CHAPTER VII -- FIRST MEETING—THE JOB INTERVIEW
Your first meeting is like a job interview. You’re interviewing for the job of partner. Dress for the
place you’re meeting. Generally choose an informal place to meet—coffee shop, pub, etc. I don’t
suggest you take your date to dinner—could be an expensive way to find out there’s no chemistry. So, if
she asks if you’d like to meet for dinner, simply be up front and say, “Let’s make it for coffee or drinks
for our first meeting.” Or go for a pizza and beer.
Your appearance:
Let’s get real. Maureen met her match date at a diner for coffee and although she found him mentally
stimulating, she just couldn’t get past his teeth—bad shape. And if that weren’t enough, he had a fat
stomach, and if that weren’t enough, he said he spent a lot of time in the gym, and if that weren’t
enough, he didn’t wear an undershirt so his big stomach stuck out.
Come on guys and gals—get those teeth fixed. I’ve had at least two gals ask me about my teeth before
we even met—its important! Each had met someone with bad teeth and that can really be a bad bad
turnoff. Hey, if you have a fear of dentists, go to your yellow pages and look up a local hypnotist. Find
one with experience in dealing with dental fears. Or contact the National Guild of Hypnotists
nghfloridaoffice@aol.com. I have all my dentistry work done free of Novocain or any anesthetic and
I’m not what you call a hypnotic subject—it’s easy.
I haven’t met any sloppy looking women, so maybe it’s more of a guy thing, but you wouldn’t dress in
an unkempt fashion for a job interview, would you? Stupid question, sure some guys dress like slobs, let
their hair and beard get long and snarly, and wonder why they are called losers and can’t get a decent
job. Well, you won’t get a decent woman dressed like that either. You don’t have to be rich to dress
decently. A pair of good fitting jeans, a shirt, and shoes that are not sloppy or dirty.
Guys, shave yourself and wear something tantalizing. My favorites are Obsession and Nautica for men.
Don’t smell yourself up like a French whore—just a dab on your neck, cheeks, the underside of each
wrist, and a dab on your chest. If you get close for a hug, you want her to inhale deeply, wanting more as
opposed to choking with being overwhelmed with your scent.
Deodorant? This should not even be part of this discussion—it’s a given that you’ll wear deodorant,
right?
Chewing gum—simply distasteful and distracting.
Smoking—not unless your date smokes and you’re meeting in a smoking lounge.
Cussing—don’t think so, no matter how tempting.
Dancing: When you go dancing, stand straight. If she’s shorter than you are, stand tall—don’t bend over
her to reduce your height.
Guys: Night Stands: Assuming you get the opportunity to get her into your bedroom do not leave:
1.
Cut toe nails on your night stand.
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2.
Vaseline or used tissues anywhere in sight.
Fellows/Gals: Don’t wear clothing with any kind of stain. She was impeccably dressed except for the
scarf which had what looked like water stains—so detracting.
Flowers and Roses:
Fellows the jury is out on flowers or roses. If you do, take only one flower or one rose. Greet her
enthusiastically no matter what your initial response might be. Example, maybe she’s in a bad light and
doesn’t immediately look attractive. The least amount of time you’re committed to is perhaps 15
minutes so you may as well be as well mannered as possible.
Compliments?
Genuinely compliment her clothes, hair, and so on.
There are two types of compliments—personal and general. A rule of thumb is to avoid the personal
compliments such as
“Wow, you look hot.”
“What a great body.”
“You’re more attractive than I imagined.”
“You look much better in person.”
“You could pass for 35 year old.” (to a person who is in her 50’s this is a great compliment—otherwise
stay away from it.).
If any of this is true, then she’s probably up to her chin in these compliments from other guys so they
don’t make you stand out in the crowd and they may actually do more to detract than benefit you.
Instead say things like,
“Really like your necklace.”
“I love your smile.”
“I’m glad you brought your smile with you.”
“So you think we’ll be getting married?”
Guess what, this is flirting and I’m getting comfortable doing it because I know this person wouldn’t be
meeting me except to get to know me. And of course she wants to know what you like about her.”
I met Jan and wasn’t immediately attracted. I greeted her warmly and we sat across the table from each
other. She just wasn’t quite what I expected from her photograph. But as we got into conversation, I
could see a beautiful smile and an attractiveness that grew on me.
Read this Before Every Date:
Conversation is much the same as your initial phone conversation. Do yourself a favor and read these
paragraphs every time before that first date to keep your goals fresh in your mind. Again avoid talking
about sex or placing any pressure on sex. Talk about the confusions of Internet dating. Find her interests
and share your interests. Always avoid getting into detail about past relationships—you’ll give the
impression of being stuck in the past. Talk about what you learned about yourself from past
relationships and honor them.
33
Ask her about what attracted her to your profile. Go ahead fish for a compliment. And embellish on it,
“Oh, you like my short beard.” It opens up interesting discussion.
Ask what she misses from not being in a serious relationship. Generally you will be sitting across from
her. It’s not advisable to sit on the same side of the table or booth as it may be interpreted as crowding.
Touch sparingly. Sometimes, women use touch to accent something they say. Avoid thinking that this is
an open invitation to hold hands although you might use the same or similar gestures with your
conversation. If she’s touching you, it’s a good sign, but not necessarily a green light for handholding.
Go fishing! Fish for what makes her laugh or what she finds humorous and then get creative. Stretch the
truth and tell her stories to see if she catches you exaggerating and then tell her you were teasing. If she
asks you what you do for work, tell her some outlandish story of the most bizarre career you’ve ever
heard about or seen or make one up. “I run the quality control lab for manufacturing women’s bras.” Or
I manufacture coat hangers and toilet brushes.” Or I manufacture the flatulence devices you see in
specialty shops—the biggest problem is quality control as we have this huge warehouse of them and
they go off indiscriminately. … Get the picture? Then ask her what she does and offer a guess, “let me
guess, you sell candy” or “you write poetry?” or…
Touch her hand and if she responds by holding it, tell her, “no hand holding—we just met. And you’re
not going to get me to go back to your house as I don’t know you well enough yet. This is some of
David D’s stuff, you play a reverse role of the woman, confuse and tease her and who knows if you play
it right she’ll want you to come back to her place.
Whatever the result, avoid getting too presumptuous and falling in love right away. Women hate clingy
dependent men. Cathy shared with me that she had been on the first date with this fellow and he was
already talking about meeting her family, going on vacations with her. He was in instant love and ready
to move in with her. Too much pressure!!
Some women are looking for an indication that this is the right person. They feel that some electrical
charge is going to flow up through their spine when they meet the “right” person. You can’t fight this.
Maybe they are right and maybe they use that theory to keep from getting to know you or anyone for
that matter. For example, Marty had been in a five-year relationship. They had discussed marriage and
also had a couple separations during the time. Each time he left Marty, later on he begged to come
back—so she says. She was open to marriage and he was resisting for whatever reason. Anyway they
were simply having a normal wear and tear relationship moving towards working out their differences
that could lead to marriage. And then he has a stroke at the young age of 50. Talk about a spin on things.
Relationship stuff was out the window. The most Marty could do was to visit him in the hospital. Since
they hadn’t “tied the knot,” Marty had absolutely no say in his treatment or treatment plans. She was
reduced to a visitor. He ended up being institutionalized and severely paralyzed. Suddenly his tune about
marriage changed and he wanted to marry her but for various reasons she had to come to grips of the
situation and decided to move on toward a new relationship. Irony dishes out bitter sweet moments as
whenever chance permits, he now begs for her to be his life-long companion.
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Does Marty have some guilt? Yes, there’s a part of her that accuses her of abandoning the relationship
and since she’s also Jewish guilt is her middle name. So just maybe her guilt is standing in the way of
letting her light bulb go off.
What’s this got to do with you? Nothing, but then if you’re dating a “Marty,” you may want to get to
know the specifics of her past relationship and ask her like I did, “Is it possible because you still feel
some or a lot of guilt about abandoning the relationship that maybe you are unknowingly using that to
keep from getting to know someone else or go on to a new relationship and instead of the light bulb
thing, it’s an unconscious thing playing out in your mind?
But that’s probably a poor approach to get results—better to turn it into something funny and tell her
that she’s not your type—her feet are too big or something like that and play take away with her.
At the time, I didn’t know to do that and Marty called me a week or so later to tell me that she met
someone at her dance studio who “rang her bell.” It turned out he was also a match.com member. I
wished her well.
The Don’t take it Personally Rule:
One very attractive gal, Linda, told me on the phone before I met her, “I’ve been a member for three
months and met about 6 guys, I‘m beginning to wonder what’s wrong with me.
Maybe I talk too much. I’m trying to shut up and not say so much. I talk to them on the phone or meet
them and they don’t call me back.”
I was wondering if she had issues that turned off the guys. I set up a time to meet her. She didn’t look
like her photo, but then I was far from disappointed. Either way, she was physically an attractive
woman. And I told her so. In fact she was the most attractive woman I met up to that point and I
wondered why she only met half dozen guys in three months. We talked at length about her dilemma.
She hasn’t gotten a lot of attention—not nearly as much as I’d think and even so, with the few guys she
went out with, she discounted none and commented that after she left the initial date she’d be thinking
about dating the guy, but then never heard back from any of them.
I assured her nothing was wrong with her and that’s the way Internet dating is and made a second date
with her right then and there for a movie. Only drawback was that we talked about one of her friend’s
bout with cancer during our initial meeting and it was kind of a downer, but that’s life and I was looking
forward to knowing more about her.
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CHAPTER VIII --YOUR FIRST DATE
The Dinner Conspiracy?
Dinner is an easy first date and every woman seems to like it. In fact, if you got the energy and your
profile and photos are working for you, you can date two or three women each week. After my first four
dinner dates, and I got the old, “I don’t think we’re a match,” I really began to wonder if it was a
conspiracy by women to cut down on food expenses after all for about $30 a month for membership to
the dating service, they could get hundreds of dollars worth of free dinners in a month. Truth is, if you’re
dating several women at once, it can add up and it’s easy to feel taken advantage of if not get paranoid
about it. In retrospect, my demise on those early dates was due to the fact that I talked too much about
my last marriage—no one wants to meet you on the rebound. And I had zero dating skills—more about
that later.
The Alternative to Expensive Restaurant Dinners—a More Romantic Approach
Until I stopped running my mouth about “Poor Me,” the alternative to going on expensive dinner dates
was provided by my last marriage, where I learned to cook. My x-wife had to have me constantly help
her in the kitchen to avoid feeling abandoned. Sounds funny, but I could be sitting 5 feet away and
unless I was helping her, she’d feel abandoned. Guess you can figure out why that marriage didn’t work.
Shrimp scampi was one of the many dishes. I learned to make. The amazing thing is that it is an easy
dish, relatively inexpensive to make, and impresses most women. I’ve listed the recipe in Appendix A.
As you read my emails, notice that I mention that I enjoy cooking and that I make a great shrimp
scampi. And, when I meet someone for the first time, I mention my love for cooking as we talk about
our interests.
When we get around to talking about a first date, it usually involves dinner and maybe something else
like a movie or dancing, or a jazz club. Movies are generally not the best thing on a first date. And if you
do decide to break this rule, make sure the movie is an uplifter, not a downer as Million Dollar Baby—
nothing worse than two people on their first date sitting there stunned at the end of the movie.
Summary of my first date with Linda—I broke the movie rule and took her to see the Million Dollar
Baby!!! I thought it was going to be an upper and instead it was a downer. The after movie drink and
snack was very quiet in the aftermath of that depressed feeling from that serious movie. Remember she’s
the woman who wonders why no one calls her back. Turns out she also has a very rigorous schedule and
was only available one evening a week to date. So I wonder how often this limited availability hampered
her dating. Most guys figure she’s too limiting and for that reason probably don’t call her back—not
because she’s boring, ugly, a poor conversationalist or any of the things she might have been thinking.
This experience provides us with:
Two More Rules.
Movie Rule—Avoid seeing a downer movie until after your relationship is solid—don’t break it!!
.
Availability rule!—be available—no one wants to be limited to only one particular night each week
unless of course your schedules coincide.
Other Alternatives to Expensive Dinners
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Bottom line is that there are many things you can do instead of expensive dinners—go for pizza, a walk
or jogging in the park, a picnic, ice cream, antiquing, a walk in an interesting shopping district, playing
cards, dominoes, scrabble, a barbecue in your back yard, tennis, golfing, fishing, a boat ride (if you have
a boat)…
Since there’s usually a long wait on a Friday or Saturday evening for most restaurants, you can offer to
be the “in house chef.” Jan didn’t accept that idea. She preferred a nice restaurant which I was familiar
with near her home. I suggested picking her up at around 6:00pm to get to the restaurant by 6:15 and
noted that we’d probably get a table by 7:45pm as there’s usually an hour or more wait. When she
realized that I could make dinner and we could enjoy it, and clean up by 8:00pm it made perfect sense as
it allowed us enough time to get to a jazz club that started at 9:00pm. We had time to do all that plus
some bonus kissy face stuff before we left for the jazz club.
My experience is that most women will usually offer to handle the salad or ask about supplying desert.
In any event, it’s at most $15 for one pound of jumbo shrimp and you have dinner for two. I have an
insulated picnic bag which I use to bring the shrimp and butter. A bag of reusable frozen ice-like
material keeps the ingredients cold.
Dinner at her home is definitely more intimate than dinner in a restaurant. Opportunities to dance with
the music, take a romantic break while the rice is cooking. That’s another advantage to this dish—except
for the rice--it takes very little time to prepare. The first thing you do is start the rice which takes about
45 minutes. It only takes 5 minutes to start the rice and then you have 30 minutes of “getting to know
time.” If you’re lucky, you’ll end up making out—well that’s pretty fast. It happened to me twice—once
with Jan and once with Ellen. We went to Ellen‘s living room for a pre-dinner drink, had a kiss, and the
next thing I knew we were bare breasted kissing away. It seemed too good to be true and it was. She
ended up being very religious, spent a lot of time trying to convert me to her religion, or at least for me
to see my wayward ways and repent as she was sitting there bare breasted. Overall, it seemed that my
purpose in life was to test her religious convictions and her religion won. Of course if I had repented,
converted, and gone to church with her, we probably would have gotten married or maybe this is just a
way she gets new parishioners.
Back to reality, let’s start by touring the house, listening and dancing to some music, lighting some
candles, and so on—plenty to do as the rice is cooking. And I’ll share with you the secret to perfect rice
without a rice cooker or getting the rice burned to the bottom of the pot. Sure fire way to impress
because very few people really know how to make perfect rice and it’s so easy.
I’m getting ahead of myself. Not everyone will go for a first date at her home and you can understand
why. So, avoid being attached to the idea of dinner at her home for the first date, acknowledge her
concerns about having a stranger in her house and discuss restaurants along with the time to wait—
unless they take reservations. Be glad to take her to a restaurant and suggest the shrimp scampi for the
next date at her home.
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CHAPTER IX -- RULES OF INTIMACY & TIPS FOR WOMEN
How to Avoid Intimacy Tip:
If you’re concerned about intimacy too fast or don’t want to deal with the issue too early, use the old, “I
have a cold” excuse. If you’re not sneezing and coughing, then make it a sore throat or the beginnings of
the flu. Don’t make it sound deadly, just like distance is a good thing so he won’t contract the disease.
Since getting over an infectious disease can take up to two or three weeks, you can use this excuse for
quite some time. Without the intimacy issues, you can get to know the guy or visa versa if you’re a guy
and don’t want women attacking you. But by the same token, without some sign of intimacy, he most
likely won’t be back for a first date. Don’t wait for him to make any moves. He may be shy and have
emails from three other women waiting at home, so touch his/her hand or when you’re in the car, touch
his hand or knee and then move away. Avoid giving the impression that you’re untouchable.
I may be stupid, but I always wonder how either person really knows at any given time whether there are
possibilities. Think about it for a moment. Isn’t it like trying to predict the winner of a horse race or the
winner of a foot ball game? Sure, near the end you can tell which ones most likely won’t win, but if it’s
a close race or ball game, you just don’t know until the event is over. Yet so many pack it in too early
when it comes to dating. It’s like the path of least resistance.
It’s like we all have this shell about us and it started back in elementary school when we set up barriers
to keep the bullies from making fun of us. You hear the, “let your hair down,” phrase. Well, I believe
you really can’t know whether the relationship is a possibility until both parties have, “let their hair
down.” Only then do you have an idea of who this person is. And it might not happen for a few dates.
So, ladies, don’t expect he’s going to keep coming back if you haven’t let your hair down—more about
this in the next chapter.
Women often say, they want to be friends first. Well, excuse my French but ain’t that a crock of horse
manure? How many friends end up going to bed together? Answer: only the ones that are married—and
to other people.
So, unless you have a long string of emails waiting for you and you want this guy back, you need to put
the move on him and it doesn’t have to be anything outrageous.
Classy Way to Put the Move on a Guy
It was my third date with June in Brooklyn—a long trip with expensive tolls. She suggested that we go
see the movie, Kinsey. Well, being it’s a movie about how people have sex, I could have jumped to false
conclusions about that so I didn’t. So what did she do to put the move on me or let me know there’s a
possibility of “us”? As we walked in the street she hooked her arm around mine—nothing radical. Doing
that gave the feeling of us being together instead of two friends waking down the street. Think about it,
friends don’t hold hands—they just don’t.
Restaurant Seating Tip: If at all possible when you’re in a restaurant, direct him to get a table where
you are not sitting across from each other, but instead on the adjacent sides of a table that could seat
four. When you are talking and make a point or say something about him, touch his hand or his arm
momentarily.
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Movie house tip: Intertwine his arm or hold his hand. Don’t sit there as two friends watching the show.
Saying good night tip: If you don’t have anything that’s contagious, by all means, give him a kiss on
the lips. Friends kiss on the cheek and he probably has all the friends he needs, unless you want to start
paying the tab at the restaurant. Then he might hang around for a while.
If any of these tips seem awkward, then close your eyes and practice visualizing you getting comfortable
following through. But isn’t this being too forward? Maybe oral sex or going to bed right away could be
deemed too forward, but not these elementary school nuances. And as far as that goes, if you both let
your hair down—remember Einstein and the field of quantum physics says that in our quarky world,
time is relative. So the right time is the time you make it with class—not according to some scheduled
number of dates. So, yes, going to bed or having oral sex on the first date can be done with class and if
you do it with class, he’ll be coming back for more for the rest of his life. Isn’t that what you want? So
the skill is to let your hair down with class and not give the impression of being “trailer trash,”
desperate, hard up, needy, or a loose woman.
I can say, I’ve had the good fortune of being with a few classy ladies in my time, and if a guy can’t
appreciate class, then he’s not worth it. You can’t change yourself for the world. Class doesn’t feel
guilty. Nor does class get clingy or demanding. Class is independent and free spirited. But, fear keeps
most women from developing class—fear that they will be perceived as “easy,” or “trailer trash,” or
trying to “trap a man.” It’s these fears that run your life and cheat you from being “YOU!”
Often some women indicate that they are classy by using the word classy in their contact name, “classy
dame” or they will describe themselves as classy. My experience thus far is that generally these women
think that their liking of culture and fashion makes them classy—not so! They may as well advertise
themselves as “Expensive Tastes.”
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CHAPTER X STEPS IN RELATIONSHIP
Completing the Puzzle—Finding that Soul Mate
First I liken finding the soul mate to fitting a piece in a 1,000 piece puzzle. So you’re already into your
puzzle and looking for the right piece. No, you’re not 14 yrs old and haven’t started your puzzle. You’re
into the puzzle. First you look for color and pick out all the piece of similar color. You search the
internet and look for an appealing profile and photos—done! Now you look for the shape that you need
and speak on the phone or do a series of emails and determine that this guy qualifies at this level. With
the puzzle, you have perhaps a dozen different possibilities and now go on your first date. Yes, this guy
definitely might fit, but “I want to get to know him first.”
Why do you want to get to know him? One reason is that you want to do every thing you can to avoid
people who are likely to change. Can a perfectly lovely person turn into a bitch or bastard? The answer
is that anyone can—even you—Mr. or Ms. Perfect and there’s no way to tell until you’ve completed
each of the four basic steps. Not that any of us want to be trolls or bitches, it’s just a chemical thing and
you can’t really tell how you’ll react until you take the steps. Now there may be warning signs and
whether you want to heed them or not is your choice. So the bitch or troll test has four real life parts.
Step I—First Meeting
The first change is when you meet someone. They react to you differently than they do to any other
person, but since you have no previous experience with which to compare, you can’t tell what the
change is. But you get a feeling.
Joe met Jane. Jane talked incessantly about her family and their quirks, nuances and bored Joe to death.
An easy decision for Joe to say good-bye. Now with someone else, Joe may be totally different. This
doesn’t make Joe bad, just not a match with Jane.
Jenn said, “I talked to this guy on the phone and he sounded really good. Then we met in person and he
seemed to have this superior attitude—he really reminded me of my ex and was always telling me what I
was doing wrong.” There you have it, Jenn didn’t feel good about herself during or after the date and
that’s it—this piece won’t fit in the puzzle.
In both cases, one or both of the two parties didn’t feel good about his or herself and that’s the
relationship killer.
Now assuming we have a match during and after the first date—both feel good about them selves, the
next real juncture won’t come until after the next step.
Assuming both parties feel good about themselves, then it’s onto the next step which is physical
intimacy. No, I’m not saying, run home and take the puzzle to bed on the first date. Remember, you’re a
member of an Internet dating service and you may have two or three pieces of the puzzle in your hand
and eventually you may want to try all of them. And it’s possible that within another date or two, you’ll
get a bad vibe thing and not feel good about yourself during or after the date. But generally there’s a
three date thing. Try out the piece by the end of the third date or discard it. I mean if you take twenty
dates before you try the piece, you’re simply delaying the inevitable and that is, “will you still respect
me in the morning?”
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No amount of dating—well maybe 50 dates will tell if you get someone to hang around that long and
then the other party—usually he--is most likely to lose respect for you as he discovers that you really
have a fear of intimacy and most likely will be a cold fish in bed.
Truth is that no number of dates before sex will tell you whether there’s respect in the morning. It’s a
risk and if respect is there, great, the piece fits pretty good and if it’s not, move on and try another piece
rather than be attached to this one piece. Look at it this way ladies, the longer you take to try the piece in
your puzzle, the more attached to the piece you will get and the more hurt you’ll be if it doesn’t fit.
Step II—Three Date Rule
The second change, if it occurs, generally comes with physical intimacy. I’m not talking about kissing
and hugging and petting, I’m talking about having sex whether it’s love making or fucking, it doesn’t
matter, a change occurs. This one you can see unless your head is up your ass and you’re so distracted
with the relationship that you can’t be objective. Many often tease about this as they ask, “will you still
respect me in the morning?” Only after sex, do you have the true opportunity to get to know this person.
And you will only get to know him/her for the best or the worst. The worst being that he/she doesn’t
respect you and never wants to see you again.
When this occurs, most women assume it’s because they had sex too soon and were too desperate. Not
necessarily the case. In fact, it’s usually because they have this immature Pollyanna approach to sex and
make it an assumption of love. They believe that when they have sex, the give themselves—their all. To
them it’s an investment and they hear church bells ringing. If they are in their 30’s they hear children
laughing and playing in the yard. If they are in their late 40’s and 50’s, they still think they saved it for
the right man. This approach by the woman is usually enough to cause any self respecting man to run as
fast as he can for the front door and not come back.
The other change is the best behavior. Both parties loosen up and begin to discover their relationship and
sexuality. Sex usually isn’t the best the first time. In fact it may take several weeks to achieve a
heightened sexual experience, unless of course either of them has a sexual problem with frigidity,
impotence, or premature ejaculation in which case the other party has to take a look at the importance of
sex in the relationship. What a kicker, you avoid physical intimacy with a guy for four months and then
finally when you do, you find he’s impotent or suffers from premature ejaculation. Now, because he’s
really a great guy, you have all this emotional attachment stuff that makes you feel guilty for wanting
more in a relationship whereas if you had gotten this issue out of the way three months earlier, you’d be
dating some other “great guy” by now and have it all.
Along this note, the importance of sex varies dramatically from person to person—a match is someone
who shares the same importance—that’s it—otherwise it’s not a match. There are some couples that
have been married for 20 years and never consummated their marriage—never had sexual intimacy and
most likely at the speed they are going (which is perfect for them), never will have sexual intimacy. And
there’s nothing wrong with that. Then there are those who have sexual intimacy very rarely—like once
every few months--and are very happy with each other.
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I think the important point here is that we’re each different and it’s ok to be whichever way we are. And
it’s important to be open about our preferences to prospective matches instead of hoping they will read
our minds and therefore share the same interests in intimacy because they have come to love us.
Assuming there are no sexual problems, both parties then get to fulfill their sexual desires with each
other.
Is this the right person? How do I know this is the right person? Well, it’s a pretty much “wait and see”
thing. Wait until he screws up the relationship with disrespect, or you find he is just a boring guy—all
work and no play. Or he’s just not a personable guy, or doesn’t do well at all around your family or
friends. Observe his tendencies when it comes to alcohol, gambling, drugs, love of pornography…
Or wait until you get tired of having sex with her, or she screws it up by becoming too dependent,
clingy, or possessive. Or either party becomes too controlling or drives the other nuts with compulsions.
Notice that none of these issues have anything to do with having had sex other than that it’s simply the
step after which the true self surfaces. It’s important to separate out the sex, avoid being attached to it,
and look at the person objectively and make your choice to continue or discontinue the relationship.
Don’t just stay in the relationship because you feel sex has a commitment with it. That’s your religion or
impression of your religion making your choices for you.
Now if you listen to women who date men in their 50’s, most are ready to compromise for non-fulfilling
sex. They don’t expect that a guy in his 50’s is going to light the world on fire or make their vaginas
sing. So women are more likely to stay in a relationship with less than great sex. Men who are free of
sexual problems, on the other hand, are more likely to look for the vagina that makes their penis stand
tall and feel like a man—fulfillment. What is a bitch of a problem is when a guy finds this with a woman
who doesn’t mentally challenge or interest him. Here’s where a man is most likely to compromise. “Ok,
she not the brightest bulb on the block, but her vagina is really hot.”
Ideally, a man wants an intellectually stimulating person and a sex pot in the same woman. Well, sex pot
may not be the best way of describing a talented vagina. A talented vagina knows how to pull a penis in
and squeeze it at the right places to feel like the best massage you could ever have in such as way as to
grow larger and larger to the point of explosion. A sex pot may not know how to do that. Ladies, Kiegel
exercises are the answer—www.actionlove.com.
Step III—Living Together
So you’ve been in relationship, making love and you both feel good about yourselves when you are
together and apart. If not, discard the relationship and move on. But assuming everything is great, the
next step is when you move into together. Again, no matter what your relationship has been like up to
now, you can not tell if we have a fit until you try living together. I can only say that a lot of therapists
base their practices on interpersonal relationships.
Again, if you both feel good about each other, you may want to move to the next step and again, no
matter what has happened up to this point will determine the end result of the last step which is
marriage. Before I go on, I must say that one of the things I learned from the est trainings is that More of
Something is not always Better. For some it’s simply best to stay at this stage. In fact for some, this
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stage is perfect and the next stage could for various insidious reasons end the relationship. Nevertheless,
rings, and marriage vowels are the next step with or without church bells, ministers or priests, tuxedos…
Step IV—Maybe Marriage?
I repeat. No matter that you have lived together for 5 years, once that contract with the state has been
signed—the marriage certificate—we have a new ball game. The last change that could occur is after
marriage or commitment. Ideally, you don’t want any change at this juncture. You both are very happy
with each other and like what you have. If you wanted change, you’d be back on match.com or some
other dating service
You ask, what can cause either step III or step IV to go awry? Many things:
1.
One party begins taking the other for granted.
2.
One party becomes clingy, jealous, or dependent.
3.
Post traumatic stress disorders that bring out abandonment issues as in adult children of
alcoholics.
4.
Sloppiness and house keeping differences
5.
Money differences
6.
Self Worth Issues
7.
Hell, this list can be endless and none of these issues might have been foreseen because one or
both parties were in la la ga ga land and totally oblivious of the trees because of the forest.
If you understand this puzzle analogy and it’s real easy, you can share it with your date and discover any
fears she might have.
My mother tells me that my step father said to her after they were married some time, “You’re still the
same person.” I didn’t know what that meant until after I was two years into my third marriage and
realized that not once, but all three times, my wives were not the same persons they were before we got
married. You can be guaranteed that if you are either a man or woman and marry someone from a
dysfunctional home such as alcoholism, you’re in for a change after marriage or commitment—a huge
change. You may end up thinking you married someone with multiple personalities as it can be that
dramatic when they might only be an “adult child.” Adult child is a term that is given to adults who
grew up in a family with alcoholism and is the subject of many books.
Knowing that many of the prospective matches you meet can harbor serious character flaws that could
lead to disaster in relationship; you of course want to know what signs to look for which will be deferred
to the section on subsequent dates and pre-talk.
You can ask, so are you afraid of being intimate because you’re afraid that sex is all that I want and
don’t have any real interest in you? But then again, this is the kind of game a nice guy plays and as
David D says, “nice guys finish last.” If you manage your art of attraction as he coaches, you’ll never
need to ask as woman about intimacy fears.
But then while we’re handling this fear issue, it’s generally a trust issue. Most women are afraid of
trusting. Yet, the example I heard Tony Robbins use is: If you’re driving on a curvy mountain road, do
you trust the other drivers in the other lane to stay in the other lane? If you don’t you can’t drive on the
road and never will get across the mountain.
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So as Dale Carnegie say’s in his book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, ask yourself what the
worst possible outcome might be, accept it as possible and get on with life. Here the worst possible
outcome is that the guy fooled you and just wanted to get laid. Big deal, you probably did it with your
last husband hundreds of times and never enjoyed it. So What? You’re trying out the piece of the puzzle
and if it doesn’t fit there are more pieces to try and you’ll hopefully have gotten a great lay and the bum
out of your life. You’re testing him—not that he’s getting one over on you. It’s your choice.
Here’s the kicker! He might set out to get one over on you and instead fall in love with you—don’t
count on it. But, remember, no one can predict the outcome of the relationship until the step has been
taken.
And here’s another irony. Many women write in their profiles, “No players, please.” Is it possible that
what they are really saying is that they only want to play by their rules and generally suffer from
abandonment issues? They generally will want to date a person week upon week, month upon month
before they trust someone well enough for intimacy. And the irony is that this is a player’s game
because they make physical intimacy an issue.
A Method of Discovery that Failed:
Yes, if we could somehow magically find the ultimate answer before we went through all the steps. In
my naïve way I tried to discover a way of finding out through e-mail the outcome of Step #I without
taking the step of meeting the person—it failed---failed because there is no substitute for meeting the
person. I could point out three or four places in the following emails that indicate we were not a match,
but it’s only conjecture and the in person interview may have had a completely different outcome. I
chose someone at some distance with whom to experiment since I figured she was too far away to see
anyway. I’m including this series of emails for your amusement as here’ what not to do..
I replied to her initial email, which is in Chapter IV, with a few basic questions concerning her
experience with match, where her freckles were located that she mentioned them in her profile, how she
stayed so thin as her photo showed… Following is her response.
“RE: Single I left my late ex-husband in 1985 Was able to obtain my divorce in 1990
RE: Match my daughters put me on when I broke my engagement...I have found it time consuming
especially since I am back in graduate school...I graduate this May 19, 2005. I am thrilled.
RE: Entertainment
I performed and was a costume designer in major film and TV
RE: Freckles at first I was startled with this question on my face and a little on my body
RE: Thin working out and watching what I eat...it gets harder the older you become!
Tell me about yourself and what you would like me to know...and so the getting to know you dance has
begun.”
Her last sentence told me what she expected—an email dance and since I’m into figuring out how to
weed out the women I don’t want to waste valuable time getting to know only to find out they are really
not a possible match, I replied with the following email which is the beginning of cutting through the
chafe. At least that’s what I thought I was doing at the time, as I write later on, I ended up projecting my
fears of relationship onto this woman thru the following emails.
Hi (her name)
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Dancing? who said that life is a dance? I guess getting to know another is a dance. There's the practical stuff
and the intimate stuff.
I just wonder what the chances of us (you and I) or is it (you and me)--never did get that right in English
class--being a match. For that matter, the chances of anyone I or you communicate with or meet or date from
the internet. What are the statistics?
I've been a member since August and seem to get more confusion than clarity. Of course I'm new to dating so
it may have nothing to do with match.com.
Stuff about me.
I guess I'll be up front with everything that can be a relationship killer--at least things that have killed the
possibility of relationship in the last several months.
First I have a 15 yr--going on 16 yr son whom I'm honored to have in my life. He lives with his mother a few
miles from here and I hang out with him on alternate weekends and a couple times during the week. Several
women I met didn't want a guy with a teenager which is OK with me.
Secondly: I have food sensitivities and can't eat in most restaurants. So, instead of going out to restaurants
(unless I'm familiar with them) I do a lot of cooking at my date's place--make the best shrimp scampi--among
other dishes. Most women I've dated like this and yet one found it a terrible compromise since she likes fine
dining and thought the chivalrous thing for me to do was have salads which I was more than willing to do. But
then she found someone else who had no dietary restrictions.
I don't seem to get the intimate thing right. It's confusing. Either I end up with a date who gets very familiar
(sparks fly) right away and end up being a test for her religious convictions or a test for her abandonment
thing, or I date week upon week without a kiss. So some see me as shy and others as aggressive. does that
make sense?
What I'd like to find in a woman is a person who doesn't believe she's giving herself with intimacy but
one who simply believes she's sharing an experience. I had an 8 year relationship who I asked why she
seemed so quick for physical intimacy say, "Once I meet someone, I won't go out with them unless, they are
a candidate for physical intimacy (she used a different term)--so I don't go out with a lot of people. It's
like desert after dinner--physical intimacy is a human need much like food and water. It's just that you can't
live very long without food and water."
Guess I've told you more than you might want to know, and you're in Princeton (a beautiful area) and a long
distance from Middletown. I'd rather travel to Brooklyn (same distance and much more expensive w tolls)
than to Princeton because there just aren't any great cross state roads nearby. So I'd rather put out all the
possible relationship killers than keep them for surprise. Of course I never suspected that any of them could
be a relationship killer--only going from recent experience.
And you? anything you think could be a relationship killer? or did I do a great job of killing any potential
relationship with you? It's OK, I've learned to not take anything personally--it's simply a matter of personal
preferences which one is often allowed to have until relationship sometimes reaches a certain level and then
suddenly, "If you loved me, you'd compromise."
If I sound esoteric, it's because I listen to Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins... and create my own programs
www.DStressDoc.com (just one of several business interests). In fact, if I ever clear up my confusions
and gain a better understanding of how this Internet dating works, I'll create a cd to go along with a book-maybe and e-book. My real daytime job is running a gutter cover business www.Waterloov.com. Long story,
and my real background is in chemical engineering for 15 years and then 20 years running a stress
management center (some overlap in time) and now 16 yrs in gutter covers (more lap in time). “
Since she lives some distance away, I thought this a great opportunity to experiment with a new
approach that if effective may work well for more local endeavors—assuming she doesn’t steal my heart
and my virginity.
Another goal with this email was to avoid sounding desperate for relationship by being up front with
potential relationship killers, yet not to sound nonchalant about it to the point where I could care less
about starting a relationship. In retrospect, 6 months later, I’d not do it this way—too imposing and
demanding. I would have simply been better to let distance be the problem factor and leave it at that.
Tooting your horn:
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Let’s face it, even though they probably won’t admit it, women like to be impressed and generally point
out in their profiles that they are looking for a stable, secure person. Communication needs to address
this without tooting or sounding egotistical or like you’re trying to impress your way into their panties.
A challenge for me has always been to toot my horn without sounding like I’m tooting my horn. The last
paragraph is one of my first attempts at a subtle toot.
She wrote back and I was surprised. In retrospect, I’m amazed she ever followed up. The note I wrote is
simply an exercise in vomit and made all the classical mistakes I could ever make. Just as well, I wasn’t
really interested in traveling to Princeton, anyway. But even with all those bad mistakes, it still didn’t
kill the deal. But the email I responded to with later on below did kill the deal dead. I include it for your
amusement. It’s simply impractical to have a discussion about intimacy at this juncture. It would be nice
to know that if I were going to drive to Princeton, I’d be rewarded with sex, but this wasn’t the right
approach—better to read DiAngelo’s stuff. The goal is to make her feel better about herself rather than
less which is what my emails did. Her first reply follows:
“My Goodness...I simply am overwhelmed with your note.
RE: Getting to know you dance: First of all my grandmother designed the original King and I...in the show
their was a number called getting to know you and they danced...I guess that's where I got the statement of
the getting to know you dance...in reality it is a dance, and people take turns...at times it can be a waltz,
etc., enough about that.
RE: Son How nice for you that you have a son so young and that you are able to spent time with him...more
importantly that you want to. Far too often parents do not; adolescents can at best be challenging...I find it
refreshing that you choose to spend time with him.
RE: Food Allergies I believe that we all have them and some people do not recognize what they are and
sadly suffer...I imagine, since you are a grown up you are able to figure out what you are allergic to and
where you can go and not
RE: Intimacy Good and lasting relationships are not built on intimacy solely...it is an integral part but not
every thing...boundaries are important and need to be clearly defined from the beginning...you are right you
cannot live without food and water
RE: Distance I guess you said it all when you stated that you would much rather drive to Brooklyn even
though it is the same distance and much more expensive...now that to me states that you are not interested.
You are very correct...there are many preferences in life I guess that's why they have chocolate, vanilla and
strawberry
Am I correct? I am sorry for your confusion I do believe that we all experience this...any more questions?
(Her Name)”
And I returned this way out email to her which drove the nails in the coffin:
HI (name)
Any distance over a few miles is a problem and not insurmountable. From NJ, I had a relationship with a
woman from Florida for 7 years and we ended up living together for 5 years.
Based on your answer which leaves still a lot for interpretation, it seems that the potential relationship killer is
intimacy. Please don't get the impression that the only thing I want in relationship is sex. I feel that friendship
is important, common and different interests are important, common and separate friends are important,
family is important, supporting each other in being the best we can each be is important, helping with
household chores is important, saying, "I love you," often is important, mutual enrichment is important,
feeling good about ourselves in the presence of each other is important, appreciation of each other (a mutual
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admiration club) is important, and that without physical intimacy being equally important there is no real basis
for continued relationship. Its one slice in "the" pie and "the" pie is incomplete without it or any of the other
slices plus some I may not have thought of in the spur of the moment. That's just me being upfront. And I'm
not saying that if something disastrous happened beyond our control that removed components of physical
intimacy, that would kill the relationship. One can always be creative. However, I don't want to jump to
conclusions. Princeton is not a relationship killer--I love the area and could get excited about it and it's more
interesting than Brooklyn.
I read an article a few years back about physical intimacy in relationship and was amazed to find that some
marriages are never consummated and both parties are very happy for many many years. I think that's great
for them, however, I place more value on physical intimacy. It's a slice in my pie.
It's not that I need it to exist, I simply am interested in aligning myself with someone who has similar
interests and based on your answer, I don't sense that it's a necessary slice in your pie which is OK for you,
but not for me.
Of course I meet women all the time my age who say that they expect that men our age are not as virile as
we were when we were in our 30's or the equipment may not work, and I say, that's great that they are
willing to compromise. Being that I haven't evolved into pure energy yet as I'd like to believe that one day as
humans we can do that--I expect that not in my lifetime though, I'm still interested in finding a woman who
honestly believes that physical intimacy is equally important to everything else in relationship and not a back
seat to anything. And likewise not something that's negotiated or used to control. I don't have desert every
day and I wouldn't want to live with someone who controlled or manipulated desert.
I believe that being in relationship is an extension of self. And sometimes part of me wants to do something
and sometimes the other part of me doesn't. I don't argue with myself. Unless I'm too stressed out, or have a
headache, backache or something that is an extenuating circumstance, I flip a coin. Heads I do A, Tails, I do
B. I think when two people in relationship have differences of preferences, unless there are extenuating
circumstances I would do:
A. what you want to do simply because you want to do it and I love you and it's not all that important to me.
B. Flip the coin and let the coin decide in which case it's important to both of us and neither would suffer one
way or the other.
I would not want to meet you or anyone, bring you flowers, get you to love me and invest your energy and
then tell you, by the way, I have some idiosyncrasies and they shouldn't be a problem since you love me so
much.
I know you're probably thinking, "wow, we haven't even met yet and this guy's really wants to know a lot."
And why not?
I've gone out with some women 6 or more dates and never talked about this stuff only to discover they were
looking for something entirely different in relationship. Not that seeing them was a waste of time, and I'm not
searching for plutonic friends.
Richard
Will I get a response from her other than, “Good luck buddy.”
It’s doubtful. I probably pushed the envelop too far.
Well, I got two responses, the first was within three hours:
“I really do not have time to answer this presently but one should never assume anything...I simply think that
this is inappropriate before I have even met you or know who you are...”
The second was more detailed, “Thank you and good luck” She writes, “My land where does one start or
does one. I find it interesting that from an email you have jumped to so many conclusions about me. Why I
do not even know your last name and you know little or nothing about me.
Seems to me that the only thing that is important to you is if I will jump or hop into the sack with you the
moment I meet you. That simply will not happen. That in no way means that I am a cold fish, do not enjoy
sex or any other nonsense that you have jumped to conclusions about.
I must admit that you are on very shaky grounds with your demands and as I stated I do not know your last
name. I am not certain that I am interested in finding out any more.
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It's really too bad as I am more than certain that I would not have disappointed you if the chemistry and
personality match had been there. I guess we would never have know. My concern is who did this to you?
There are and have never been any guarantees in life. I find it strange that you have no interest in who I am
other than where I have freckles and how soon I will hop into the sack with you-really.
I wish you the very best.”
I find it amazing that she felt obligated to answer my lengthy email. I’d say that I got my answer. She
may enjoy sex and she probably thinks she’s giving something when she does enjoy it. I imagine most
would agree that I pushed the envelop with my email to her—very personal. Seems like I still need to
perfect my email, although, she doesn’t have a sense of humor. What would you do if you received those
emails—take them seriously or laugh at them or call the writer an A Hole?
My final return email to her was,
”Thanks for you considered email. It seemed that you became more frustrated with me as you wrote your
email. Anyway, my last name is Kuhns and I really liked your grandmother’s work.
How did you know I wanted to jump into bed with you on the first date? Was it that obvious? I should have
just said that, right? I was really hoping your freckles were on...
Richard
Did you see the Fockers? My middle name is A hole.”
She didn’t reply to that email—guess she figured she had suffered enough although all she had to do was
answer the basic question I had asked her and that was does she view intimacy as giving of herself or a
sharing of experience. Hell, every internet dating profile asks questions about sexual preferences so
what’s the big deal? I ended up being connected to one the other day that asked if while having sex if I
look into my partner’s eyes, or connect emotionally, or…? So we’re adults, right? What I learned—
don’t be obvious—it’s a game I need to learn to play. Specific words and techniques enable you to get
beyond the bull—More about that later. Now you’d probably never be tempted to write such an email,
but if you ever are—DON’T.
Looking at this interchange in retrospect six months later, I realize that I projected a lot of my fears from
my broken marriage onto an almost perfect stranger. I indeed felt manipulated sexually in my marriage
and resented it. I’ve softened (no pun here) significantly from that point and have owned up to how I
defined myself as a person then and came across as a single minded person. Most of us are in the dating
thing because of a life crisis. We either divorced our spouses or they divorced us, or our spouse passed
on. Of course there are always surrounding issues which make the situation a more stressful crisis. When
I first separated from my wife (it was a mutual thing) I was so lost that I sometimes attended Ala-anon
meetings just to be in the company of others and other times to discover what it was about me that
attracted the alcoholic personality into my life—why I was a co dependent. I learned a lot, and still there
are all the identity things as I had defined myself as a husband, companion, lover, step father, helper,
and a hard worker. And sure we had stress and I felt manipulated and I never successfully dealt with
those issues so with separation I lost wife, companion, lover, step children and my helper role. Sure
there was a big world full of other women and I longed for one that would appreciate me the way I
wanted to appreciate her but it took years to create my most recent definition (husband, companion,
lover, step father, and helper), and I was in crisis by losing it.
I was so fearful of being manipulated again sexually that I wanted an iron clad insurance policy before
I’d invest time to meet someone new for fear of redefining myself again only to be manipulated again.
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And the irony is that even with my ex-wife, I could not tell or foresee the manipulation until after we
had dated a year and were married. So when I’m focusing on sex, I’m totally missing the mark. It’s the
other personality traits that give it away as I learned in Ala-anon—control, obsessive compulsive
behaviors and manic behavior that is great until marriage after which time the depression sets in.
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CHAPTER XI -- GUY TIPS
Shy guy tip: This same “I have a cold” excuse that women can use in Chapter IX is also great for the
shy types who don’t know when to kiss or are afraid of being called aggressive. You know, you want to
kiss her, but have forgotten the nuisances of the technique I share with you in the next section or just
don’t know how to create or capture the moment and you don’t want to look stupid, or dumb, or
inexperienced, or geekish. Again, the “I might be catching a cold,” removes all the pressure and you
both have more time to get to know each other.
Guaranteed Easy Way to Kiss and not get turned down ever tip!
Early kissing rule for car ride: If you find yourself in your car with her on your first interview, date or
second date—whenever the first time is—whenever you come to a red light assume one thing—she’s
there because she wants to be there with you. So lean over and say, “time to steal a kiss,” and then do
it—kiss her. Of course it helps to have this in your profile—“hopeless romantic that enjoys kissing at
red lights.”
Start with a gentle kiss and see where she takes it. If she’s excited she’ll want to do it again and again—
don’t do it. Put a limit on your kisses and say, “that’s it—no more kisses.” And then add, “Until we get
(to your destination).” Caution, let her involve the tongue—not you. She will say, “You really are a
romantic!”
This is most often welcomed as women like a guy who takes a creative lead, you might then ask her if
she’s the touchy feely type and if she responds, “yes,” or with a hint of being feely, then caress her hand
as you drive and if she goes to hold your hand, say, “I don’t know you well enough to hold hands—too
early,” and take away your hand. Then as you continue talking, repeat the whole thing again. Give and
then take away. Then say, “maybe by the time we get to the next corner, we’ll know each other enough
at which point you begin hand holding. Let the relationship progress step by step this way always giving
and taking away, and being unpredictable.
Then if you find she’s nonresponsive, you’ll need to explore other avenues and instead tease her about
being cold and non-responsive. “Did you say your middle name is “fish”? Let her get all defensive and
tell her how her lip crinkles when she’s defensive or her nose twitches. Tell her that you know she wants
to get you home to her house and that you don’t go home with a fish. Elaborate and have fun.
When to risk the relationship:
If you find that you’re on your third or fourth date and touching (hand holding or touching her hands) is
not returned, then you really need some help—you didn’t read the previous chapter and probably should
punt and go home. Of course you could be corny and ask what’s she’s looking for in a relationship-- for
hand holding is definitely something you do on the first date. I mean, after all, you’ve both advertised
you’re looking for romance, met, and agreed to go out. So, if it’s not happening, you may want to ask
something like this, “If you were to look into a crystal ball, how do you see our relationship progressing
or what you are looking for in our relationship?” You may as well get the rejection and get on with life.
I had dated Alice for about 6 weeks several months before I joined Internet dating. She was that one
person I’d meet on my own in a year. We had dinner several times, went to a Craft Fair, and spent
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several evenings watching dvds at her home and enjoying ice cream for desert. She was very willing to
let me massage her feet and her leg muscles, but I didn’t get any feedback signs to go further. As I got to
know her, she seemed to want a relationship and also afraid of relationship. For me, the most I’d get was
a peck on the cheek to say, “Hello,” or “Good Night.” She was distant physically so I asked her how she
felt about physical intimacy. She acknowledged that she was physically distant and went into a long
discussion about how her vagina is built as to cause pain during intercourse. It was actually more
information than I wanted.
Nevertheless, I had two negatives:
1. She was afraid of relationship and
2. For her sex equals pain.
So I stopped calling her and we drifted apart. Then 6 months later she called me to inform me she was
taking a Tony Robbins program and was confronting her fears, one of them being fear of relationship. I
thought momentarily that she was calling me to tell me this because she wanted to use me to confront
her fears of relationship so I played along with her. Our first date was to some health spoof which turned
out to be quite a boring presentation. After the meeting was over, she hung around a long time and
wasted a lot of my time. My impression was that it was selfish on her part. Then she called me the
following Friday evening and invited herself to my house and helped me eat the shrimp scampi that I
had made for dinner. She stayed a long time during which time I massaged her feet, legs, and back. She
never responded by any reciprocating touch or sounds of pleasure, and then I had fun discussing my
boundaries. It was the most forward I had been with her. Touching her hair and shoulders was ok, but I
couldn’t get too close to her breasts.
She began talking about diet and noted that when she’s on greens to boost alkalinity in her body, it
causes her condition of herpes simplex to activate. Again, more information than I wanted. Why was she
telling me this? I inquired as to whether it was the herpes mouth sore or the sexual type and she
confirmed the latter. I was glad no feathers were floating by as I would have been knocked over. I’m a
blood donor and the last I heard about herpes was 15 yrs ago—it was the baddest bad thing that could
happen prior to AIDS. I didn’t pursue the subject—just was stunned as to why she was sharing all this
information. Was it because she wanted to confront her fears and expand our relationship? I didn’t ask!
The next day I searched the subject on the Internet and found that there are modern day anti viral drugs,
but if there’s a break out, it’s still contagious which would mean sex with condoms which I hate
passionately or risk losing my ability to donate blood and maybe make myself a slave to the disease.
And then I saw the new commercials on TV which indicate that herpes can be transferred even without
the symptoms being present.
The next night I took her to a concert. I didn’t receive any relationship vibes and wondered if she was
just using me for companionship with me footing the bill so I asked her what she saw in the crystal ball
re our relationship—what she wanted from it.
It’s better to be up front than mamby pamby around for another 6 dates only to find out what she told
me, “I feel kind of pressured.”
Hell, there’s nothing about how the question was asked that is pressuring in nature. After her himming
and hawing—I stayed perfectly quiet—I didn’t bail her out of her squirming while she was thinking. She
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went on to say, “right now in my life, the most important thing is my job and getting my finances
together.” After two minutes of explanation of her goals there was nothing mentioned of what she was
looking for in a relationship with or without me. For me, her answer was perfect, I wasn’t getting any
vibs or signals from her, she was simply happy for me to take her to dinner and concerts for something
to do. I was looking for more than for a friend to pay the way for so I never called her again and went
back home to check my match.com emails.
Normally, this would have been slightly crushing to my ego since we had been out together several
times, but it was ok for her to have a different agenda than mine and I had no need to take it personally.
Of course, if I were simply depending on my skill to meet someone (one a year on my own) I would
have been devastated and worse yet might have hung in there hoping she would eventually want more
from our relationship. In retrospect, had I met her on match.com, I doubt that we would have gone past
the third date—just too many winks and emails waiting for me. I’m not saying this to impress you with
my good looks or anything like that, I’m simply saying this to impress upon you that match.com brings a
totally different approach to dating and possibilities for dozens of potential matches instead of a few that
you might meet on your own in your own lifetime.
The bottom line was that my inexperience was to blame for stretching out the inevitable, “good bye.” I
took to long to cut to the chase and if you need help cutting to the chase, may I again recommend that
you get help from someone such as David DeAngelo" at www.doubleyourdating.com. You’re probably
being too much of a nice guy like I was and still can be if I don’t stay on track.
Rule of sex talk:
John’s pathetic story isn’t over yet. His new complications affected his psyche. He began to wonder if
he could imagine himself sexually with another woman. He described his sexual experiences with his
wife very unique and even though he enjoyed it immensely, he realized he had been trained for the last
seven years to have sex one certain way and he wondered if he could have sex in a more traditional way.
It was highly unlikely that he’d ever meet a woman that preferred sex the way his wife did.
He met Rachael and on their first real date (subsequent to the interview) they had a steamy date. They
were kissing and necking pretty heavy. She let it be known that there were set limits with the promise of
more intimacy in future dates.
John thought he found an open, warm and understanding person and began sharing some of the details
of his style of the last seven years in hopes of her not being put off if things didn’t operate as he hoped.
In other words, he was concerned that he might not stay erect and she’d take it personally. He explained
how in his past relationship he would lose his erection at the point of excitement so they could make
love for hours—always driving to the point of excitement and then he’d stop as his wife would climax
multiple times.
He said that at first Rachel seemed to be very understanding and told him that she likes to give as much
as she gets, but as he continued, she became distant, and later on the next morning he received the,
“Thank you, but you’re more of a challenge than I was looking for.”
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John noted that events just happened in the wrong order for him for the following day he saw the
movie—the Kinsey Report—and had all his concerns answered. Too bad he hadn’t had the events in
reverse order. More about this later.
Rule of Thumb: Don’t share anything about previous sexual experiences or quirks with past
relationships. If you have any concerns about your ability to experience a pleasurable sexual happening,
talk to a therapist or go see the movie titled, The Kinsey Report. Sharing intimate details of a past
relationship can only hurt your chances. Remember, there are up to 20 matches a day being sent to the
person you’re dating.
Rules of Past Relationship Talk.
You’re no longer in that past relationship. Here’s the healthy way of looking at it whether the demise of
your marriage is your fault or hers--it’s over it’s immaterial. You cherish the good times and learn from
the mistakes. Avoid getting into a lot of who said whats and what went wrongs. It’s history—the game is
over and you’re in a new game. Answer any questions about the relationship with brevity and let the
person know that it’s history and if it could have worked, you wouldn’t be here now. If you feel that the
person is not wanting to let go and wants to hear your story (maybe she’s putting herself in you wife’s
place) simply tell her that you both made errors, the differences could not be reconciled and you are
both moving on and simply hoping to learn from your mistakes. Meryl Shain in her book, Some Men are
More Perfect than Others states that a second marriage a success means that the first marriage was a
success—a great point to remember.
Take charge rule: Women like men who take charge, make plans and are confident. So take charge,
make plans and act confident. Confidence is something you acquire by acting confident in a particular
situation. Need help, click here?
The doubt rule:
Bottle of wine—if in doubt after three or four dates, suggest a bottle of wine or bubbly at her place. If
she doesn’t open up, then you might consider looking for another match.
Hot Dates:
I’ve found that hot dates are not as rare as I anticipated. I cooked dinner for Jan at her place. We ate my
infamous shrimp scampi, went to a jazz club, returned to her place and began dancing in her living room
and shortly were French kissing on her couch. We ended up swapping tongue and lots of spit and she
tells me that she generally goes to bed too soon with guys and wants to slow down as her last
relationship was abusive. OK, she now has a 90 day rule and wants to know me 90 days before she
jumps into bed with me. She also asked me if I had ever done any jail time which told me the type of
guy she usually attracts.
So, we’re friends, right? Then why does she begin to get possessive and talk like I’m the only one she’s
dating and begins calling me during the day when I’m in meetings at work? In fact, it’s ironic that of the
two dozen or so women I dated in my one year of membership, she’s the only one who called me during
work hours. Abandonment issues? She had also told me she had a history of alcoholism, attended AA,
and had been dry for many years. I don’t hold one’s past against them so I dated her and when the clingy
issues came forth, I understood the origin and knew it was not a good relationship to pursue. If you have
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any experience with alcoholism, you’re aware of the terrible abandonment issues that can suffocate a
relationship.
I only mention Jan because her rule was a double edged sword for her.
Back to rules of intimacy—this was just the weirdest one, but then they can all be weird when you
dissect them. So I respected Jan’s desires and the following week at the end of our next date we began
kissing and before I knew it, we got into some breasts touching at which she kinda sobered up (not that
she had anything to drink). But she decided to stop the physical intimacy stuff which took me by
surprise and then tells me she has a relationship coach and that it was the relationship coach’s idea that
she put off going to bed for 90 days. The coach felt that jumping into bed too fast clouds her judgment
and taking that time would be important for her. Talk about a damper.
We had a third date, met at a restaurant, and talked a lot about her 90 day rule. She noted how I was
aggressive, and touched her breasts without her permission. I asked if it was a problem and she said that
it wasn’t. She invited me back to her place for some couch time, as she calls it. I was a bit confused
wondering whether she wanted a wrestling match or if she decided she wanted to go to bed. As we were
walking out the restaurant, she felt compelled to let me know that there would be no sex.
I didn’t reply and as we were walking in the parking lot, I said, “I don’t want to place either of us in a
position where we won’t feel good a about ourselves and suggested we each skip the couch thing and go
home to our respective homes. It took her by surprise for a moment later, she asked if I was following
her and I again told her that it’s better if we don’t tease each other so we can both wake up feeling good
about ourselves.
As I drove home I came t o realize that going to bed on the first date wasn’t really her problem and that
she as well as my religious friend placed too much emphasis on the physical aspects of sex. Once they
give up their intimacy they probably get possessive, demanding, dependent, jealous, and latch onto you
like a leech. I am certain I could have used some of David D’Angelo’s advice with some cocky and
funny stuff and ended up taking her to bed and yet, I’m glad I didn’t because she was the clingy
dependent type.
It’s amazing; on one end of the spectrum there are women who star in porno films with no attachment.
And on that same end of the spectrum are whores who do it for money. And on the other end of the
spectrum are women who believe that love making means marriage. Unless you too are on either end of
the spectrum, the best women to date are in the middle of the spectrum.
Fortunately, over the years, I’ve been with some women with healthy attitudes as I shared in Chapter III
and told it to Jan. She really had difficulty relating dinner with sex—she clearly attaches having sex to
the guy and gets addicted. Her relationship sponsor should have suggested indiscriminate sex (of course
safe sex) with different partners—to practice connection without addiction. Her addiction probably
makes her desperate and highly dependent on her lover and he probably resents her dependence on him
and pushes her away with verbal abuse.
Rules of Intimacy and its Confusion:
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Everybody has rules and generally they were set up many years ago before internet dating began. The
point is that the rules that worked before Internet dating might not work with Internet dating.
For instance, after our first date, Jan immediately took herself off the service, after all, I asked her for a
second date and her rule was to pursue only one person at a time which by the way was not my rule-three dates later our relationship was over.
I met Alice who claimed to be very open-minded and shared a little bit about Jan’s limitation of only
seeing one person at a time. We talked about the reality of the “grass is greener” trap and how many
Internet daters are on a first or an early date thinking that there is or shortly will be an email from
someone who is even better when they get home.
I then asked Alice what her rules of dating were regarding how many men she would date at the same
time. We agreed that with Internet dating it’s hard to tell when you’re really dating; it’s more likely
you’re seeing friends so the question is how many friends would you see at once (not all together at once
in the same room), or what would determine when she only wanted to pursue one man. She answered
that it would be when she became physically intimate. I left it at that and wondered afterwards, “What
defines physical intimacy?”
What Defines Physical Intimacy?
Is this a stupid question? I can imagine Andy Rooney asking these questions—he like irony. Is physical
intimacy defined by a kiss? I doubt it! Is it defined by more involved kissing like swapping tongues and
spit? That seems physically intimate to me, but based on my experience, I don’t believe it qualifies for
most women as physical intimacy. So is it being bare breasted together? Well, maybe. But then based on
my experience with Jan, I don’t think it is what she meant by being physically intimate. But by the same
token, I can’t imagine myself walking up to an attractive lady at a party, unbuttoning her blouse, and
then kissing her breasts. That really seems physically intimate to me. But I don’t believe it still applies in
the context of dating as being physically intimate.
Well, let’s continue with our imaginations and questions. Is being physically intimate if we drop trowel
and touch each other’s genitalia? Maybe we’re getting close, but is that what she meant by being
physically intimate?
Well, is it oral sex that makes the difference? I think we’re getting close, but maybe no cigar (the
Clinton pun—he was a great president in spite of Monica).
Is it if we have our sexual organs touch each other? Hard to stop there—no pun intended. Or is it with
penetration? But then, is it intimacy if we use condoms? We’re not really touching right? That’s no more
than mutual masturbation, right? Well, I think we’ve crossed some lines, but then with some other more
progressive thinkers we haven’t reached their definition of physical intimacy until we do sex “bare
backed” so to speak.
Well, is that it? Barebacked unprotected sex is crossing the line? Is that physical intimacy? Doing that
one time? Are we dating now? Or was it a one night stand? Or is intimacy having sex more than one
time? Does the position define it? Must the lights be on?
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How about if we don’t kiss as we have sex—just fuck? Is that physical intimacy? Maybe we need
emotional intimacy too like looking into our lover’s eyes and kissing as we have sex to qualify for
intimacy. Now, does this mean we’re hooked into this person, and for how long? Shall we ask Jessica of
Sex in the City when we’re really dating and what constitutes physical intimacy and does that define
dating?
Am I through with this intimacy thing? Maybe we’re just getting started. We’re looking for a line to
cross that says we’re only going to date one person.
Suppose we don’t like the sex? Are we going to compromise just because we took our pants down with
this one particular person? Suppose our dates were reversed time wise and we had this date with one of
the other people who we were seeing? What is this, the first one to the cherry wins?
I’m not saying we should run around having sex with many different people, but then if we’re certain
there’s no disease issue, why not? This thinking makes a lot of people uncomfortable, but then how
comfortable is it to really answer the line of questions in the proceeding chapters? Maybe because it’s
we can’t multitask? Maybe it’s because we get attached mentally with sex?
Multitasking
One additional point: Multitask? How about married women who have affairs? Suddenly when they are
single, they can’t multitask? The Hite report finds that 72% of men married for over two years have
affairs with another woman. The point being is that for every man having an affair, there’s a woman
involved. Are we to believe women are so limited in their thinking that in one instance they’re capable
of multitasking and in another (when they are single) they are not? Not to say that only married women
have affairs with married men, lot’s of single women do and they unfortunately fixate on that person
with whom they are having an affair expecting he’s eventually going to leave his wife for her. And what
is the estimate for married women—it’s estimated that 40% of all married women have affairs. And
100% of the women I’ve met say that they can not be intimate with more than one man at a time? Hey,
do we have a case of denial? At least men can generally admit they are sexually attracted to more than
one woman at a time.
Whatever your answers, be ready for internet dating to challenge your rules and you should be willing to
challenge them yourself—make your rules flexible and have them work for you instead of against you.
Men from Mars and Women from Venus? It’s true, men and women want the same thing, but think
differently. Look at the profiles of women. A majority—at least in the 45+ age group-- point out that
they are looking for their soul mate—the one man to finish their lives with—the final commitment—the
final frontier. How many men point out that they are looking for the same. Sure, I put it in my profile
because I knew that I was speaking the language of women. But men are looking for trying things out
and that means some physical intimacy in the form of sex.
DeAngelo in his e-book points out that women are into soap operas and the idea of romance as in
atmosphere, flowers, looking good together, whereas men are into doing it.
Hey, doesn’t romance lead to doing it? You end up with two people wanting the same thing but how
they go about it is totally different.
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Many women hold out on the intimacy thing thinking that maybe if he gets to know me for me, then, sex
won’t matter. Maybe for Winston Churchill it no longer matters, but why do women think men take
Viagara?
Getting to know you is where we have the Mars/Venus problem. The guy thinks the bedroom is a great
place to get to know the woman and the woman thinks romantic walks, candle lit dinners is the place to
get to know the guy. The beauty is that both can have what they want when both understand the “stepto-step”dynamics.
Advancement from step-to-step only takes place, let me correct that, should only take place if during and
after we have contact that we each feel good about ourselves during and after contact.
This is where dating gurus suggests techniques to take the pressure off of physical intimacy, yet move
both parties toward physical intimacy without it being an issue.
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CHAPTER XII -- THE GRASS IS GREENER ADDICTION
Option Shopping
It’s easy to get addicted to finding that greener grass. And there’s plenty justification too. Only in the old
days would a gal like Ginger Rogers be dating two guys with both vying for her affections. Then for the
last 40 years it was more like a one horse buggy. People generally only dated one person at a time. And
whamo, Internet dating can mean that the person you’re dating is dating two or three or always on the
look out for greener grass—option shopping. It brings new meaning to the word, “uncertainty.” And
uncertainty is one hell of a stressor because it is a low level stressor 24 hours a day, 30 or so days a
month until it’s resolved. What this means is that you just never know when the plug gets pulled and you
get an email like this.
Hello
I'm sorry but I will have to pull the plug.
The relationship is not going to work for me. Thank you for everything.
I guess I'm not so special.
(their handle)
Remember John the newly divorced fellow? What happened with John? Six weeks after it all started and
a couple sessions with his therapist, he got his head back on straight! He realized that even though he
understood his wife, it was no excuse for a poor marriage they shared. He began remembering the
“silent treatments” he got when he came home night after night from work. He remembered the, “we
just had sex last week” turn offs she gave him. He remembered her always fighting with her kids and
nothing ever being good enough at home. He remembered all the reasons why they were getting
divorced and was glad to be Internet dating.
Roslyn was is a relationship for eight months, had suspended her membership to the dating service, and
then was told by her lover that he’s responding to emails from the dating service. She had assumed that
he had suspended his membership too. Needless to say, she was quite taken by surprise. Is this the new
way of saying, “I need more than you can give me?” or is this another way of saying, “I’m checking to
see if the grass is greener?” or is it simply a way of announcing that we should be moving on? Or is it
simply to be accepted as the norm that we want more than one sexual partner at a time and somehow
that because of how Internet dating is done, it forces that upon us or simply makes it easier to
contemplate than ever before? Roslyn retaliated by reactivating her account, responding to another guy’s
email whom after only two dates she really liked, and then said good-bye to her lover. Now if you’re
like Roslyn and had thought you were in a relationship and suspended your membership, you may not
pick up and go on so easily, you may be in a period of mourning for maybe a month or so before you got
any new action going. If however, you kept your options open, you still have lots of opportunity in the
fourth quarter to win the game. Each of us has to wrestle with our beliefs, moral codes, and the reality of
dating at the speed of light to know what’s right for each of us. And it’s important to take a look where
our beliefs come from regarding polygamy.
Limitations Imposed by Church and Sin
I invited a gal I was dating to play cards with me, my son and my mother. My mother knew that I was
dating a woman in Brooklyn, so rather than surprise my mother with a new girl friend and have her say
something to mess things up my new friend; I told her that we’d be playing with another girlfriend. She
said to me, “Another girl friend, are you crazy?” Wow, that was blunt. No wonder I have some guilt for
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dating more than one person. And there’s all that religious stuff with which we get indoctrinated from
childhood.
The Catholic Church made it a sin to have more than one wife. It was one of the means the church used
to control their subjects. The church also introduced flogging to punish sinners. The church gave new
definition to the word “sin”. Originally, it was a term which applied to archery and the bible spoke of it
as, “the wages of sin is death.” Remember in biblical times, the bow and arrow and cross bow were the
weapons of choice. In the context it was used, it meant that if you shot your arrow and missed your foe,
he had one coming at you. So to sin is to miss your mark—your target. The church made it into
damnation into hell and set it up that only a priest of the church could forgive you and keep you from
going to hell. So will you go to hell if you have relations with more than one person? Go figure for
yourself.
So pulling your membership or suspending your membership is best a joint effort rather than left for
only one of the two parties to do. I guess it’s the equivalent of “going steady.”
You come to an agreement that it’s best for both of you and you agree only to date each other. But for
some this is difficult because they think it like they can only have Nestles Crunch and never any other
type of candy even though other candy is constantly tempting them.
Remember, the drawback with Internet dating is that any date can easily be the last date. The person
you’re with may well have another date later on that evening or the next evening. The abundance trap
can easily run and perhaps ruin your experience. But do take consolation in no matter if sometimes it
seems like “when it rains, it pours,” and everyone you thought had possibilities, emails you the “dear
John,” and you’re feeling blue, down and depressed, you’ll have new matches in the morning and one
just might be the right one for you. It’s like the sunrise starting a new day.
I often found that dates in general are guarded. They are less likely to “let their hair” down for several
dates. They are looking to get to know you before they leap. And since most have already been burned
by a sour relationship, they are rightfully cautious and so should you be too. This is just another reason
to develop and hone your skills in developing the art of attraction as D’Angelo calls it.
Karen called me to introduce herself. I remember the conversation as being from a desperate hurt
woman. It seemed that Karen’s life has been turned upside down with some kind of accident that has left
her unemployed and with little money. I felt a lot of sympathy but had difficulty understanding how I
could consider relationship unless I wanted to be in a “fix her” role in which I had just ended a
relationship of 7 years because he couldn’t fix my wife. Surely Karen had great needs and I just didn’t
want to put myself in that position of fixing again.
Saying good bye:
Many hate to be in the position to say good bye and in fact I imagine some don’t even join an Internet
service because they feel uncomfortable saying “good-bye,” but it’s a fact of life. If you don’t know
what to say, here’s an example of one that I received from an expert. You can glean from it what you
like and use it accordingly.
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Dear Richard,
“It is with heavy heart that I write this as I must cancel our plans for tomorrow. I was out last night with
someone whom I have been dating for a little while. We talked and have decided to pursue our relationship on an
exclusive basis to see if the potential we feel can be realized.
You are a special man and I have thoroughly enjoyed our time together. If things do not work out, I would like to
call you again to see if you are still available for dating. In the meantime, I wish you all the best of luck in your
search for a partner. “
A bit melodramatic--I could see her heart dropping to the floor, but nonetheless it’s thoughtful and a
good way of keeping the door ajar for future possibilities.
Reality of Confusions:
I must admit that sometimes I had gotten disappointed and confused to the point that I felt helpless. I had
been seeing a fantastic person in Brooklyn for about eight months and wasn’t’ sure if she was the “one.”
Except for a week’s vacation that we spent together, whenever I was with her for more than two days, I
seemed to lose interest. And then I realized that it was mainly if she had to go to work the next day, she
got stressed out and withdrew herself from me.
In the beginning of that relationship I had to mentally fight myself about things that physically reminded
me of a relationship I had twenty year ago where I felt the woman was living in a Pollyanna world. It’s
amazing how a distasteful feeling can get transferred to someone else simply because he/she looks
physically similar. Fortunately, I got beyond that and was able to know her for her unique gorgeous self.
She often told me that “I was too good to be true,” but when I wasn’t with her (most of the week since
she lives an hour away in Brooklyn) I forgot what it felt like to love her. Sexually, she was far more
responsive than my ex was and didn’t use sex to manipulate me as my ex-wife did. But, sex with my exwife (when we did it took me to new heights of fulfillment which I did miss and never found with her).
Since we hadn’t talked about exclusivity or commitment, I dated other women to see if I could find the
magic sex in a relationship, or if my appreciation and love for this person would grow to the point I only
wanted to be with her. But, her plans to retire were not for another six more years and our relationship
was at that time limited to one or two dates a week. It seemed that I was asking for myself to get
confused, for what would happen if I fall in love with another woman?
During this time I went out with other women thinking that if I got intimate with someone else, I could
just enjoy it and it didn’t have to go anywhere unless it were that magic for which I was searching,
otherwise I was just completing research of developing intimacy skills. So I’d go out with other women
two or three times with each and I’d find no intimacy and what was even more confusing—many times
there was no desire for intimacy on my part. To me it just seemed overwhelming to get to know
someone else and play the game again.
At which time I’d be so thankful for the Brooklyn relationship, but also wondering whether it was me or
are women in their 50’s very guarded. Maybe it was that I was still dealing with my own life-crisis and
didn’t have my “inner game” together. It’s ironic; I was re publishing from cassette to cd the Over Come
Life Crisis Program during this time. It took at least four rewrites spanning a complete year to finally
produce. I joke about it by saying that I had to go through a life crisis to get it right and the reality is that
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there’s a lot of truth in that statement as I know it now contains the most advanced and effecting
thinking on the planet for getting one’s inner game together (starting with my own that got lost from my
recent divorce). Appendix C or you can go to the website by clicking here that contains a listing of all
the cd’s I’ve created over the years for dealing with and getting one’s inner game together.
Back to my dating experiences: If you’re a woman reading this, you’re probably thinking, “You pig!”
And if you’re a guy, you’re probably thinking, “If you figure out how to break through that wall of
protection women carry with them, let me know!”
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CHAPTER XIII -- PRACTICE AND HAVE FUN EVEN OUTSIDE YOUR LOCAL AREA
Give a compliment rule:
With match.com, after you wink or email someone, you are provided with other profiles that are similar
to the one you just responded to and some of them are hundreds of miles away. Now why does
match.com do this? Is it that they have financial interest in airline stocks or Exxon? Well, I finally
decided to have fun. The following profile popped up
Hi Sunshine,
Your profile popped up after I sent an email
to another gal. Must say if it weren't for the
distance involved, I'd really like to get to
know you--but it seems rather impractical
distance wise as I live over a hundred miles
from you.
So I just thought I send an email and tell you
how gorgeous you are.
Anyway, I am conducting research for a book
regarding internet dating and if you'd like to
share your experiences, attitudes about it and
so on, would love to hear back from you.
Richard
Hope you're not attracted to me since that
would be a real tragedy unless...
She wrote back:
“dear Richard,
Thanks for the kind words. You seem like a very nice man.
Good luck with your book, will certainly be a best seller as there are so many doing this these days.
Sorry I have not had that many experiences here. I seem to look until I find someone to work on a
relationship with then stop. The last one just did not work out.
Linda”
I wrote back,
“Hi Linda,
Sorry to hear that your results with match are less than desired. Was just wondering how long you've
been doing match and do you only go out with one person at a time or do you see several at once? To
me, internet dating is so different than when I dated years ago. I honestly don't know when I'm dating
someone for the next day, my date of last night can email me with, "You're a great guy and it was a
hard decision, but..." And then so many more dates, we just lose interest and drift apart.”
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In the meantime, I received an email from this lady that live five hours from me—what a coincidence:
60 yr old woman
Located in: Clarksburg, Maryland, United States
Looking for: 58 to 70-year old man
within 200 miles of Clarksburg, Maryland, United States
relationships: Divorced
body type: About average
height: 5’ 4” (162.6 cms)
sense of humor: Friendly: I’ll laugh at anything
sign: Leo
About me and who I'd like to date: I am an easy going person
who loves to laugh and have fun and am looking for the same. I
would like to meet a professional who is independant and financially
secure. The perfect date for me would be fine dining, white wine,
and great conversation. I appreciate gentlemen who know how to
treat a lady; open doors, pull out chairs, etc.
“HI
I LIKED YOUR PROFILE. ALSO YOUR PICTURES SHOW YOU TO BE A VERY HANDSOME MAN.
(NICE EYES)
TOO BAD YOU LIVE SO FAR AWAY.
TAKE CARE AND STAY WARM
SHARON”
I wrote this back to her:
“Hi Sharon,
Tied up this weekend with the love of my life (I wish)--the flu. It was so painful last night that all I
could do was read your email and couldn't respond.
Do you know how many times I've been in Clarksburg looking for a date to share an evening? Well,
maybe not Clarksburg, but Westminster. Is Clarksburg near Frederick?
Your email was very ironic. I had just emailed a lady in Connecticut--too far away to date and the first
time I ever did it--complimenting her on her good looks, and then I received yours.
It really cheered me up. Thanks!
How are you finding Internet dating? How long have you been a member? Any juicy stories?
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Too bad we don't live near each other; I get a good feeling looking at your photo and profile.
If you'd like to be friends, would love to hear from you. Maybe we can have fun!
Richard
my email@comcast.net “
She looks like a neat person, “maybe she’d like to meet half way for a couple days together—nothing
involved. I’ll see,” I thought to myself.
I didn’t hear back from her so I sent this one:
Idea
HI Sharon,
I have a great idea. How about we meet half way for a couple of romantic days say Harrisburg Pa.,
separate rooms (unless you prefer otherwise), and you can teach me stock trading, and I can teach you
how to make the best shrimp scampi in the country.
That’s not way out, is it?
Richard
I sent this one to another woman:
You're too far away, but I thought I'd write and tell you that I find you a very attractive woman anyway.
At least I think Ross Corners is too far away. Never heard of it so I figured its upstate some place.
How have you been doing with match?
Good luck to a beautiful woman,
And she responded with:
“Hi Richard,
My name is Marie, I live in Vestal NY near Binghamton University and one hour south of Syracuse.
Thank you for the complement, I would certainly be interested in meeting you if we lived closer to each
other. I have to look up just how far apart we are.
I have to get ready and go to a family dinner at my brother's. Yesterday my niece got married, the
wedding was beautiful. You should have seen me in my special dress, some people thought that my
sons were my brothers... All that does not matter, I want someone to love me for what is inside my
heart..
take care
Marie”
and I responded with:
“Hi Marie,
Yes, you are far away distance wise, but only a few keystrokes otherwise. Certainly looks impractical to date,
but if you have time in your day for a friend, maybe we can enrich each other's lives with emails or pretend
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we're having a steamy romantic relationship. I would bring you flowers for our first date and either take you
to a nice restaurant or bring shrimp, garlic, wine, and some other ingredients to make shrimp scampi
(Richard's style) at you home (that is if you like shrimp scampi). Are we off to a good start?
Sounds like a very exciting time for your family. I'll bet you looked great!
So how long have you been doing match.com? Have you met many guys?
I've been doing it since August and must say it's more confusing than anything else. I don't know how to date
anymore. Married life spoiled me that way so I feel like a fish out of water. “
Can’t believe I forgot to sign off. Anyway she’s a religious girl and from her profile can’t remember the
last time she had a relationship so I doubt that we’ll be having any half way meets. We’ll see!
Good Time Rule:
The most important rule is to have a good time and I don’t mean that just philosophically. I mean tease.
Women love to laugh and you won’t get far telling jokes. They really don’t want someone kissing up to
them like, “Oh you’re so beautiful.” These compliments, although they want them, they want them from
someone they respect and whose attention they want. To get their attention, it’s important to bust them
in a humorous non threatening way.
Ginny’s feet were killing her. She had a blister beginning to form. Rather than give her the, “what can I
do to help routine,” I emphatically commented about her bunions hurting. She got taken back by my
brazenness and we had fun with her bunions for quite some time. That transitioned into something else
where I made fun of her and before I knew it, she wanted me as a lover if nothing else.
I really don’t think you should be with a woman who you can’t make gentle fun with. Otherwise you
aren’t yourself, there’s no laughter, and it’s all so prim and proper. The key is to practice finding things
to make fun of them—but not in a vicious way. You’re not going to get anywhere if the fun you make
makes you look like a number one jerk and ass. And be willing to take a dish of it yourself—touché.
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CHAPTER XIV -- DATING SKILLS
It’s helpful to become acquainted with any of the following:
Tarot cards
Palm reading
Story Telling
Analysis: Imaginary journey of box, road, forest, lake, and doorway.
This is a fun story/analysis that I use and is one that you can use to tease your date. It goes like this:
“Mind if I take you on an imaginary journey--one with a lot of imagery?”
She’ll agree and you proceed by saying, “Imagine you’re walking down a road and in the middle of the
road you find a box. Describe to me the box, what it looks like and so on.” After she describes the box,
you continue with, “describe to me the road way.”
After she describes the road way, you continue, “you leave the roadway and walk into a wooded area
and a bear jumps out in front of you, what do you do?”
After she describes her action, you continue, “and you continue on and you find a lake. You want to get
to the other side, how do you do it?”
After she describes how, you continue, “Once you’re on the other side of the lake, as you walk up from
the water, you see a closed door, what do you do?”
After she describes her action, you tell her, “journey complete!”
She’s going to be curious about the meaning and this is your opportunity to shine.
First, an explanation of the symbolism of each step in the journey.
It is as follows:
“The box represents your friends. If you envision or see a big box, you have a lot of friends, a small box-a few friends. If it’s closed, it’s not easy for you to make new friends, if the box is open, you make
friends easily—they come and go from your life. If the box is fancy, you’re friendships may be more
superficial. If it’s a crate, then your friends are more basic--fundamental.
The road way is how you see yourself achieving your goals. If it’s a 5 lane straight highway, you’re all
about business and have blinders on to all your surroundings. If it’s a country road, you’re more relaxed
about getting to your goals. If it has hills, and ruts and is in disrepair and has lots of curves, you have
trouble seeing yourself achieve your goals and actually create obstacles to reaching them.
The bear is calamity. Some panic and some negotiate their way around calamity. Some over react and
some remain calm. This is how you react to calamity.
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The lake is how you tackle problems. Some walk around it taking the long and maybe hard path—they
study and evaluate problems. Some jump in and swim. A good swimmer tackles problems and moves
through them and a poor swimmer tackles and efforts at solving the problems with slow results. Some
create a boat or a helicopter and are therefore very creative in dealing with problems.
The doorway is death. Those who just walk over an open have no fear of death, those who walk around
it are fearful of death.”
After each image, you can take a few moments to discuss the interpretation. Actually whether the
interpretation is correct or not is immaterial, what matters is how your date reacts to the interpretation. If
he/she’s highly defensive and takes it very seriously, this tells you a lot about him/her and you many
want to question if you want to be in relationship with a defensive person.
Of course, women can use this same imaginary journey on their dates as well with the same
interpretations. Again, it’s the defensiveness that may arise that’s of more value in this exchange of
conversation.
The Ultimate Path to a Woman’s Heart!
For years, women have been impressing men. Well, today women are tired of cooking and ending up
getting shafted by their 55 yr old husband who has been going through a life crisis and shows his
appreciation for all her great cooking over the years by divorcing her for a younger woman, who by the
way, doesn’t have to even know how to cook hot water to get to his heart. Unless, on the other hand,
he’s really divorcing her because she is a lousy cook in which case you’re going to end up with the job if
you want a relationship with her.
Now, the way to her heart is to cook for her and let her know she has help in the kitchen. There are some
real easy dishes to make that cost a fortune in a restaurant. My experience is that women would rather
you cook for them than to take them to a restaurant; and of course bring along some fresh cut flowers.
They really seem to appreciate the cooking and love to help you in their kitchen.
Suggestion—make the dish for yourself before you do it for her. Get comfortable using pots and pans
and of course the stove. Appendix A gives recipes for scrumptious dishes you can easily make with little
practice.
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CHAPTER XV – LET’S GO INTERNATIONAL
Brazil
Wow this sounds way out. I had just emailed an attractive woman from Philadelphia (an hour and a half
from where I live) and told her that she was too far away and then I get a wink from the southern part of
Brazil. But this is no ordinary woman. Here’s her profile.
"- ALLURE -"
I am a:
48 yr old woman
located in:
Curitiba, , Brazil
looking for:
50 to 64-year old man
within
body type:
Slender
height:
5’ 3” (161.0 cms)
sense of
humor:
Clever: Nothing’s better than a quick-witted comeback, Friendly: I’ll laugh at anything
sign:
Pisces
About me and who I'd like to date
I'm a divorced 48 yo mother of three grown children ( daughters 27and 26 and a son 21),
EFL ( english as a foreign language) teacher / translator . I also teach portuguese for
foreigners but in the last 1 1/2 year I've been working as a secretary for a very important
law firm. I seek a long term relationship. I am a loving and generous person, intelligent,
sensible,hard working, romantic, passionate,sensitive, charming (as some would say) ,who
loves going out for dancing, or for a nice dinner and having great time with friends. I miss
someone to share my life with. Someone who is intelligent, sensitive, with a good sense of
humour and mostly someone who shows real interest in me as a person, who enjoys
spending moments together with me either travelling or at home cooking a special dinner or
even seeing a movie together. I like simple things like going for a walk in the park on
weekends, staying at home reading a good book or seeing a good movie but I also
appreciate going to an elegant restaurant once in a while, going out for dancing, to the
theatre, also spending a whole afternoon inside a museum is something that attracts
me.....good conversation.....being among interesting people....rock, blues, jazz, classical,
etc. Hate prejudice, judgemental people and lies or hiding the truth ....love talking to
intelligent and sensitive ones.....I'd rather be quiet if I have nothing to say. I like hiking,
cycling, travelling to the beach, to new places. I do yoga and walk in the park on weekends.
I need to admire the person so that I can start a relationship. I'm a giving person and once
in love I can be really special to my partner. I would relocate for him.
He is an intelligent , sensitive and honest person who at least makes an effort to understand
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the woman's heart , passionate, fun to be with, loves travelling, going out for dancing at
least once in a while, appreciates the arts, refined but not a snob, he can be among any kind
of people, he always tries to fit in a new situation. He admires and values the woman he
loves and makes her feel secure of his love so it grows stronger. He must be generous in
giving: attention, affection, some time available for the developing of a healthy and
passionate relationship. Also values family and is not afraid of a commitment. P.S.: I am
happy with my life the way it is, I love my 3 children, have a profession, a job, I have a few,
but true friends, live in one of the best cities in Brazil, my country is peaceful, I have no
problems in finding a boyfriend. Why am I here? For the same reason everybody else is. I’m
not much into the bar scene, so trying to find quality people on the net is an intelligent
choice. I expect those who take the first step to contact me and those who respond to my
wink are not narrow minded, sexist or arrogant. I would only leave my country and my life in
Brazil for the person I loved. This person must be really special so I let him be part of my
world.
And this is what she looks like:
Well, I couldn’t help myself and wrote her this email:
“Hi Allure,
Thanks for the wink. You look and sound like a great person to know.
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I like the fact that you speak English very well and express yourself very well.
From your photos I can see that you would have no problem finding boy friends.
What like about you is that you sound like a vivacious life loving person and I certainly would love the
opportunity to get to know you better.
May I ask, what intrigues you about relocating the US? I presume you'd be leaving your children and
family. And what intrigues you or interests you about my profile? Truthfully, I get a lot of interest from
women my own age, some, but not a lot from women your age. For me, though, age is not a big issue-it's one's attitude toward life and how well they take care of their physical attributes.
Richard
my email address (please reply to both the match email and the XXXX@comcast.net address since some
messages don't seem to make it)”
She responded:
“Hello Richard,
what interested me about your profile? Your looks.... everything you said about yourself and who you
would like to meet and how you like to treat the woman you love.... and you like to dance:-)
You can add my email (her email) to MSN messenger if you are a user.
Hope to hear from you
Viviane”
She didn’t really say much other than to answer the most important of my questions. I replied with the
following:
“Hi Viviane,
The email I sent to your (email address) bounced back. Perhaps you can try to email me at (my email
address) and see if I can receive yours. Below is the email I sent you earlier from my email address.
"I like your name and was very glad to receive your reply. When I look at your photos, I feel an instant
physical and mental attraction. You are a most beautiful woman and would really love a long term
relationship with you.
It’s snowing here today. I run a small company that manufactures gutter covers. Snow kills our business
so it's our slow time of year. If you were to search for "gutter cover" our website should show up on the
first page. It's www.waterloov.com.
Before gutter covers, I operated a stress management clinic for about 15 or so years. During that time I
created about 30 self help programs using stress management techniques and hypnosis. I'm presently
converting them to cds and selling them on the internet at www.DStressDoc.com and
www.PanicBusters.com. Neither of these sites have very high ranking yet. Enough about my work.
We’re supposed to get up to 6” of snow by tomorrow and we'll most likely close the office tomorrow.
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Do you get much snow? You live in a utopian city—at least that’s how it’s portrayed. Have you been to
the Botanical Gardens—it appears to be a phenomenal structure? Are you close to the coast? And are
you far enough south to get cold weather and snow?
Have you been to the States?
I’ve never been to Brazil. One of my tenants spent a couple years in Brazil and was trying to start up an
importing business, but he failed and his life became a sad story. My only vacation to South America
was to Margaruitte Island off the coast of Venezuela. Most of my vacations have been to Hawaii and
other places in the states.
How long have you been divorced? I’ve been divorced only for a couple months. My ex and I are good
friends although I haven’t seen her since the divorce. She has found a new relationship with another man
and I’m still looking. I miss family life and our doggie that lives with her. It was half pug and shitzu. We
(my ex and I, not the dog and I) had separated three times before and eventually mutually agreed that in
spite of some good things, our relationship wasn’t going to work long term and we decided to divorce.
She isn’t the mother of my son.
How old are your children? Boys,girls? Are they married? In school? I have one fantastic 15 yr old son
who will be 16 in a few weeks and driving before I know it although he’s not very excited about
driving—takes it very seriously.
I’ve never dated anyone internationally. The longest distance relationship I’ve had was from Florida to
NYC area (I live near New York City). We ended up living together for about 5 years before she
relocated to Atalanta, Georgia.
Do you live near your parents? Aside from my son who lives with his mother a few miles from me, the
only relative I have nearby is my mother. I don’t have any brothers or sisters and my other relatives are
in Pennsylvania which is about 4 hrs away by automobile.
I’d be pleased and honored to know you much better (that’s not good English, is it?) as there are a
zillion things I'd like to know. Tell me all about yourself.
I was concerned that I might not receive your reply because I receive a lot of emails that are blank and
from an unknown sender. I haven’t figured out whether these are legitimate emails that go awry or spam
that gets blanked somehow. There was one situation where someone claimed to not receive two emails
and another told me that she sent me an email through match.com that I never received. So, that’s why
it’s a good idea to send emails through both match.com and my return email address.
Richard
A couple days later I receive this one in return:
“Hello Richard,
please forgive my delay in replying to your email. These days have been so hectic.
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A bit about me: I live in Curitiba, capital city of ParanÃ¡, about 400 km south of SÃ£o Paulo.It is a very good
city, clean, not so violent as other big cities, there are many beautiful parks here and the transportation
system is known nationally as being the best in Brazil. I descend from french ,my father's side , and german ,
my mother's side; also portuguese like a great part of brazilians. I have three children, two girls, 27 and 26
and a boy 21. Rafaella (oldest daughter) and Guilherme ( son) are living together now. Beta (youngest
daughter) started a training job ( she wants to be a chef) at a 5 star hotel in Bahia (SauÃpe). I am a teacher
of english as a foreign language and also portuguese for foreigners , but in the last year I've been working as
a secretary for a law firm.I also do translations when time allows me. My relationship with my children hasn't
been the one I wished to have but we'v e b een improving it. After the divorce our life changed drastically and
it's been taking us a long time to overcome our problems. I live on my own, have recently finished a 1 1/2
year relationship.
Well. life goes on ....
Your questions: I've been divorced for 5 years ( separated for 6). It gets really cold in Curitiba in the winter
and it rains a lot, in fact it is the coldest capital city in Brazil, but it never snows. It did, 30 years ago ...... lol.
It is quite difficult to get through the winter here in the south because there is no central heating anywhere.
It would be great if we could chat on MSN or Yahoo messenger. Do you have any of these? We could be in
touch more often ...... if you are still interested.
Bye for now
Viviane”
Her email was a very serious sounding email and I’m hoping for some humor so I wrote this one back to
her. I’d like to find out what the issues were in her last marriage too.
“Vivian,
So happy to receive your email.
How soon would you like to move to the US? Just thought I'd lighten things up. Seems like your family life of
late has been very stressed and very serious. May I ask what the issues were that led to your divorce? Any
drug or alcoholism? Your children were in their early teens, right? Did they blame you for breaking up the
family?
I loved my ex wife and still love her although I've forgotten what that felt like. Only problem in our marriage
was that she was in denial (DENIAL). Her father was an alcoholic which makes her what is termed as an "adult
child." She told me this early on but I had no comprehension of the impact it would have on our
relationship. The result was that she was verbally and physically abusive to her three children--not to mention
the games she played in our marriage such as the "silent treatment" and many others that were equally
frustrating. Sometimes I wondered if I stayed married because I needed to be unhappy.
Fortunately we didn't have any children together. She was eleven years younger than I and had her tubes tied
so she couldn't get pregnant. Our separation and divorce was clean and quick. Fortunately, she being young
and beautiful met another man that made it easy for her to go on and even though we've only been divorced
two months, they were talking about marriage a month before the divorce.
Even though we both wanted the divorce, at first that really bothered me, but fortunately I adjusted quickly,
joined match and as you say, "life goes on." The irony was that I started updating one of my self help
programs entitled "overcome life crisis" back in August and it took me until last month to complete it. And
here I am starting a long long long distance relationship with you. I emailed a lady that winked at me from
Philadelphia (an hour and a half away) telling her she was too far away. Of course most women aren't
interested in relocating.
This week-end, I'm home with the flu--I'd rather be home with you. (Can I say that or is it too soon in our
relationship?). Fortunately, I went to the doctor at the first signs of it and got a script for Tamiflu which
stopped it in it's tracts along with some aspirin to get rid of the muscle pains so I'm feeling pretty good right
now--no fever, congestion, nor coughing.
Is your passport up to date? Mine has expired and I've had it on my desk at work for over a month to remind
me to go get a new photo and update it. Guess I should follow through and get it done.
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But the big question. How do two people this far away get to know each other well enough to see if there's a
future together? It's been done before. Maybe Amazon.com has a book on the subject--just kidding.
But really there are a zillion questions like are you a touchy--feely type of person or does touch tickle? Do you
cry at sensitive movies? What makes you laugh?
Are you religious? devoutly so? spiritual? don't give a ...?
Would you smooch (kiss) in public--public display of affection--or would you be concerned about what other's
might think?
Do you snore? (just kidding).
What are fun things that you like to do? Am I asking too many questions?
Kisses and hugs (or is it too early in our relationship to send them?)
Richard
(I like your wink)
I never heard back from her. I sent an email to her match address asking her if she received the above
email and never received a response so I sent one to both addresses,
“Hi Vivian,
Haven’t heard back from you. Is everything OK or have you decided to pursue another relationship?
Richard
I made it short and sweet. It’s amazing how easy it is to make mistakes in communication and I guess if
she took something offensively, then it’s better that the relationship is ceased. I don’t want to be in a
relationship where everything I say is misunderstood. Kick me in the ASS--I can only assume that I got
too detailed with my past relationship and should only offer details of that nature if she asks. An
expensive lesson—I was looking forward to International travel.
Russia
Late in July—almost eight months since I joined match.com, the best and most prospects are from
globalladies.com—best in terms of beautiful women averaging 15 years younger than myself. I only
responded to those who speak good English and there may be a lot of competition for them. There are
two websites:
1 www.globalladies.com
2 www.russianladies.com
When you join globalladies.com, you actually get matches from both. What’s the difference? Shortly
after I joined I went out of circulation and stopped replying. About two months later I received an
email—a portion is copied below which explains the difference.
“Also be aware that you will receive far more e-letters from Globaladies.com ladies than Russianladies.com
ladies. Why? Because ladies featured on Globaladies.com do not have to pay anything for the service. Ladies
featured on Russianladies.com, however, must pay for internet access, translations, etc.
One token is required to open an e-letter from a Globaladies.com lady (you are not required to open these eletters). Why? Because Globaladies.com ladies are served by the agencies that make up the Globaladies.com
network, therefore the agencies must be compensated for their service to the ladies.
If you do not want to receive e-letters from ladies featured on Globaladies.com, simply go to your Member
Area, click on "Update Your Biodata" and check "Hide Biodata from GL Ladies".”
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The essence is that the women in Russianladies.com pay and this resulted in women my age (in the 50’s)
contacting me whereas the average age from women in globalladies.com is 15 years younger. Also, I
receive 10 emails from global ladies to each that I receive from Russian Ladies.com. Of course it’s far
more expensive to communicate with the emails from global ladies as they charge $6 for each email you
open and another $6 for each email you send. Russian ladies has free membership with a $29.95
monthly fee for additional benefits. Go to http://www.russianladies.com/rl_whysubscribe.cfm for the
details.
Globalladies.com also sponsors cruise ship events which is a means of meeting many women at once.
Why consider women from Russia? Well, there seems to be a crisis there with their men. Over half of
them are alcoholics and the other half doesn’t know how to respect women.
Go get one—they’re waiting.
When and if I should find myself in the position to actively pursue matches, globalladies.com would be
where I’d put my serious efforts. I did a web search for Chinese ladies and found none although I’m sure
one must exist.
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PART II
EXPERIENCES AND COMMUNICATION
Following are actual e-mails in my process of learning the internet dating game. Some interchanges are
successful, one totally out classes me, and some are just interesting communication that went nowhere.
CHAPTER I – STAR CHASER CHAPTER:
I made dinner at her place twice. She was recovering from the flu so I kept my distance. Then I
contracted the flu (from my Brooklyn lady friend, Olga) and received this email in response to a touch
base email I sent to her.
Subject: Re: Saturday
Date: Thu, 3 Mar 2005 14:14:57 +0000
Hi Richard,
Glad you are feeling better. My friends are planning on going to see the Barn
Burners at the Art Center in OG. Would you like to do that? If we're not too
tired we could go dancing afterwards.
Kitty
We went to the concert at a local performing arts theater. She invited a friend to go with us. During the
performance, I reached over and held her hand. She was totally non responsive and after two numbers, I stopped
holding her hand. I thought for a moment that maybe there ought to be a hand holding course for limp hands.
I mean if you hold someone’s hand, things get pretty boring pretty quickly unless there’s some motion and some
return of motion. So I did some gentle caressing of her hand and her hand was motionless—like dead. Definitely a
tell tale sign that I’m climbing the wrong tree—no physical intimacy, much less a kiss.
We dropped her friend off at her place, then I dropped my date at the front door. Maybe I went in—don’t
remember. The next day, I receive this email:
HI Richard,
Sorry I was so tired and a bit of a "wet rag" Saturday. I was feeling stressed from the harassment and probably
still a little exhausted from work. I also think I'm scared of a relationship. After my bad experiences in relationships
I'm finding it harder to get close to anyone. Hearing from that crazy woman (be careful of her on match) reminded
me of my last bad choice. I think you are a great person and hope to get to know you better, if only as friends. I'm
on Spring break this week and aside from house repairs, squirrels and Brookdale tonight I have some free time.
Let me know if you'd like me to make dinner Wednesday night.
take care,
Katheryn
I really didn’t want to see her again, and after a couple days wrote her:
“What a snow surprise.
Thanks for being up front. I was going to write you earlier, but I don't have any answers for you--wish I did. I
often think that relationship is a mirage, but the alternative to chasing the mirage is to stay home and not
involve anyone else in my life. That certainly keeps everyone from getting hurt and me from learning the
truth.
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Thanks for the invite for Wednesday evening, if the invitation is still open, I accept and if you'd like to invite
Mary as a chaperone (not that we need one but I sense you feeling pressured----now I'm rambling).”
I went to dinner on Wednesday evening and we talked. Kitty had been married twice before. The last
marriage was two years ago to a person she met through match.com. He turned out to be a dependent
baby suffering from abandonment issues and needed constant attention for his ailments. She divorced
him, met another guy through match.com and after two years of dating this guy, found out that he was
playing another woman who moved a couple hundred miles to be with him. She turned out to be a wack
job which is how Kitty found out about her. She sues Kitty’s boyfriend for breach of promise and ends
up threatening Kitty with death threats. Needless to say, Kitty experienced a lot of pain after the
confusion of finding out her boy friend was two timing her.
Then she tells me she’s had trouble getting interested in anyone since then. I suggested that she consider
just getting practice—have a fling just for the heck of it. She didn’t seem to think that would help.
She shared that one guy traveled a couple hundred miles for a few weekends and she sent him to his hotel by
10:00 pm every night. She explained her problem to him and he met someone else on match.com within a
week or so.
I suggested that younger women often just like sex and that it was easier having sex with younger women
than the ones in their 50”s. She thought it was a woman thing that intimacy means so much to them and I
countered that it’s not a woman thing. In fact some women are very casual about sex and intimacy. She
mentioned that she’d like to have a relationship but just can’t get into it and noted that there was a deep
tissue massage experience she might take. I suggested it a good idea to release the pain she’s been
harboring. I stayed a few minutes and then left. Afterwards, I thought I should have suggested us going to
bed just for the hell of it. Who knows, she just might have to confront her problem. If I see her again, I’ll
suggest it. Or maybe by then she’ll do the deep tissue muscle thing and release her baggage.
I did see her for one last dinner at her place. I shared some of my experiences—the one with the woman suffering
from abandonment and her new 90 day rule and how I suggested she just get laid and break up with the guy. .
After dinner, I suggested we go to her living room and practice hand holding. We did and she was still limp. I
gently kissed her on the neck and cheek and she remained a limp noodle. She apologized for the non feeling and
asked if she should take deep tissue massage. We had discussed it earlier as a noninvasive therapy technique to
release the pain. I suggested it would be a good experience and left with a kiss on the lips—a perfunctory kiss—
no emotion.
I didn’t email or contact her for a few days as I was on another date and then I sent an email explaining my
absence being busy with work and producing two cd’s.
I then got this email from her:
HI Richard,
Nice to hear from you. I have my theater class in New York tonight .We're going to the Irish Rep. I will be staying
over at Joanna's and be back some time tomorrow. I'm still thinking about taking IET soon. I would do it tomorrow,
but don't now when I'll get back. Let's talk soon.
Kitty
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I was busy the next few days and then I emailed her:
Subject: Training
Hi Kitty,
Did you do the training yet? If so, give me a complete run down.
I've been busy producing a couple cd's. I decided to go ahead with the offer I had to sign over the rights for
free distribution--mainly because I promote some health products on the cds and could get additional business
that way.
What's your schedule like next week?
Richard
She emailed me back:
Hi Richard,
I did the IET training today. I feel relaxed, but at this point I don't know what has been released and what has
changed.
This week is a short one for me as I only teach a long day on Monday and Wednesday. We are off at SPC on
Thursday and Friday. I like to go to the communion drama service at St. Paul's Thursday night. We never
discussed religion. I don't belong to any church as my parents were of different faiths and encouraged me to find
my own. Do you belong to any church? You don't have to be a Methodist (I'm not) to go to any of the things here,
but if you'd like to join me let me know.
Kitty
I was late meeting Kitty—got there after the service and caught up with her at her place. We went for beers at
a local tavern. She had taken the training and hadn’t noticed any changes. We talked a while and I was
thinking about taking her back to her place to practice hand holding. I briefly held her hands and she was
more responsive that before. And I don’t know whether it was stupidity or what, but when I took her back to
her place, I only said, “good night.”
Driving home my big head and little head argued about why I didn’t practice hand holding and then suggest
love making. My big head basically said, “halt, I’m already in a relationship that I value more than I could ever
value a relationship with Kitty.” Yes, Kitty was fairly attractive, but I really didn’t find an attraction that could
sustain me being with her. Yes, she might have been a great lover which might have weighed into the
decision, but I didn’t want to start something just to get laid. My big head apologized to my little head and
said, “if you change your mind, you can always come back to her—she’s not going anyplace.”
She emailed me inviting me to do something, I scheduled a date and took her dancing. Afterwards, I
took her home and suggested that we practice holding hands. She was a limp fish for lack of a better turn
so I left and went home.
I later emailed her that I had met someone else and suggested an outline for a play for her to write:
Hi Kitty,
How have you been? I'll pass on the wiz. I began dating someone else and I'd like to remain friends. Please do
contact me regarding the booklet for printing and I have a great idea for a great playright.
Scene 1 President Bush elected to office, 9/11, president bush's personal vendeta, Iraq war, Ben laden
Scene 2 President bush on trial for being an ass (shoret scene--take off of his stupid humor of giving the
finger to the press--it's on the internet) resulting with Bush sentenced to serve along with his daughters in the
Iraq war effort--his wife has a part too.
Scene #4 Bush and daughters trying to serve their sentence as privates in the army given orders to go into
dangerous territory, man road blocks... or just fit into army clothes.
Scene #5 Let's discuss
Richard
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Email me through XXXX@comcast.net. I've turned my match.com membership over to a friend for research
purposes.
She emailed me back wishing me the best and hoped we could remain friends—sure why not.
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CHAPTER II -- OUT CLASSED AND KNOCKED OUT BY JEANETTE
For some reason or other, at one point or another, you just might get out classed or out witted and strike
out early.
Here’s another wink from a very enticing woman. From her photos she certainly doesn’t appear to be in
her late 50’s. This is one of the few that I struck out with. Maybe I should have purchased one of those
ebooks by DiAngelo or one of those on how to make anyone like you in 30 seconds or less on the phone
or maybe I should have read this book before I received her call to be prepared. More later! She is a
petite attractive widow who lives in the Big Apple Appearance
I replied to her wink,
“Hi Gorgeous,
Thanks for the wink.
What do you do to stay so youthful? I started doing a little yoga a few months ago—amazing how it
limbers me up. I still feel very stiff with some of the asanas.
Where do you live in the city?
I’m out near the coast—10 minutes from the northern beaches of NJ.
I run a small gutter cover manufacturing company by day and write self help cd’s by night
www.DStressDoc.com
I like to cook—make the best shrimp scampi (easy dish) in the country and like to dance while I cook.
Love to hear back from you,
Richard
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908-625-2195 (if I don’t answer, please leave a message as sometimes I can’t find the pocket it’s in
quickly enough to retrieve it)”
I got nothing back from her---just a dud, and then a week later I sent this one:
Subject: Just checking
Hi Mermaid
I've been having trouble with receiving my emails and since I didn't receive an email back from you,
thought perhaps your email got lost. If you did respond, kindly send to both XXXX@xxxx.net as well as
to richard@xxxxxx.com
Was really looking forward to hearing from you as I like not only your smile but also the idea of
spoiling each other.
A day later, I got this email
Subject: Just checking
Dear Richard,
I have been away skiing in Colorado. Just returned tonight.
Be well and take care,
Paulette
I was on the way out to a date so I quickly wrote:
Subject: Good Morning
Hi Paulette,
Welcome home. Hope skiing was great. Look forward to hearing from you when you get settled in.
Richard
She replied:
Hi Richard,
Skiing was GREAT.
No lift lines, very uncrowded and great weather and groomed mountain trails. Loved it.
Paulette
I replied to her:
Subject: Getting to know you
Hi Paulette,
I am really intrigued by your profile and would love the opportunity to learn more about you.
Noticed you are widowed. How long has it been? My first wife passed away back in the 70's after we
were only married 4 years. How long were you married before he passed on? Hope you don't mind me
asking these questions. I guess questions of this nature are more of a formality.
Me, I'm more into the essence of a person as opposed to the factual details. Are you easy going? a
perfectionist? work alcoholic? family person? Possessive? Free Spirit? Open minded? Religious?
Spiritual? Structured? Forgiving? Naughty? Must say, you seem to have a naughty smile although
maybe the word is the one you use in your profile "mischievous."
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I'm told I have a fantastic smile but I can't seem to create it for the camera without looking goofy so
that's why none of my photos show me smiling.
Briefly, I'm an easy going relaxed down to earth (Taurus) person who is open minded, spiritual,
moderately structured and naughty or mischievous as I can be. I'd like to be in a relationship that is
a mutual admiration club with someone who can appreciate being appreciated.
How's that for a nut shell? On a more factual note, what did you do on your first day back in the Big
Apple? And what kind of flowers do you like?
She replied:
I am VERY easygoing, a perfectionist in work, was a workaholic but now semi-retired, Have a wonderful family of
3 sons and 5 granddaughters, not possesive at all, very free spirit, VERY open minded, Spiritual more than
religious, very forgiving and naughty when I want to be. How about yourself?
Paulette
After I read her email, I got the sense that she didn’t really read my email. Why else would she ask
about the easy going stuff since I already told her I was easy going and so on. So I replied with:
Subject: Getting to Know you.
Hi Paulette,
Was hoping to get some time to write you more, but between home shows and a cd program I'm
producing, the last few days have been hectic.
Will write more later. Really hope to get to know you and visa vera.
Have a georgous day,
Richard
my phone number is 908-625-2195 (if I don't answer as sometimes I can't find the pocket in time, or it's
turned off, please leave a message. If on the other hand you feel more comfortable with me calling you,
email me your number when the time is right for you.
Then strike out—blitzkrieg—wipe out—out classed—or simply unprepared!!
A few evenings later, my phone rang about 8:30pm, I answer and she identifies her self as Paulette. I
thank her for calling and settle in. We go over the old hat stuff about her being a widow and my first
wife passing on. She tells me she lives near Riverside Dr around 105 st. near Columbia University. She
travels a lot as a consultant in the theater business setting up lights and sound. She does well with the
stock market and I share that I struck out with the stock market. Certainly didn’t impress her.
She asks me about my travel experience and we both agree Hawaii is beautiful and that she does a lot of
international travel for fun and pleasure. She asks me what my hobbies are and I tell her that I like to
produce self help cd’s. She asks me if I go sailing or some other sport of which I forgot and I replied that
my wife was never interested in doing those things so I never got into it. In retrospect, that was a real
bad response. She asks something more about my interests and I share that I like to jog and do
rebounding. She then says that she doesn’t think we’re a match because I’m not very active.
I’m thinking about her profile in which she says she doesn’t care if we have the same interests and then I
realize, I have no interests she’s interested in. Yes, if I played golf, tennis, told her I was Aviator (pick
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her up in my Sensna), I’d have been in. I thanked her for calling and wished her the best as I hung up
totally out classed. She was looking for a travel mate and someone who has varied interests. Definitely
wished I could be there. But for now, until I make a million selling this book, I’m out classed and I’m
not bitter. Kind of wish I were in her league to play. She’s been a widow for 12 years so. I imagine it’s
not easy for her to find a play mate. I just wonder how she’s been doing with match.
Consolation: I’m dating two great women and neither care so much about what we do. Both get excited
about me cooking and the little things we do like a walk on the board walk, antiquing, trip to the big
Apple, and so on. Just hope I don’t have to choose between them. And I don’t have to wonder if I can
live up to their expectations.
They generally say, be yourself, don’t try to impress, or be nice. All I can say is that you can’t win all of
them. This is only the second woman I talked to that didn’t result in a date—yet!!
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CHAPTER III -- MAIVIAN
Here’s another email I received:
Who knows but here goes. I like how you visually and verbally affect me: as intense but calm, forthright
but spare, elegant but also slangy, and brimming with the confidence and desire to love. I, by the way,
love to be doted on, and massaged.
I am 60, divorced, a prof. of international law in Manhattan, sometime advocate with and for indigenous
peoples in UN and OAS fora, and mother/buddy of a 34 year old son who is a whiz of an elementary
school teacher now working on a doctorate in ed. at NYU.
Born in Vietnam to a Vietnamese mother and a French father, I grew up there, in Thailand, India,
France and England before coming to the US to enter college. As a result, I speak Vietnamese, Thai,
and French in addition to English. Now a US citizen, I have spent equal time in NY and Hawai'i where I
still keep a modest house on an immoderately beautiful beach, and where in fact I am headed later this
month for a short visit.
The things I love: words, novels, poetry, a range of visual and performing arts, the classical music of
most cultures, jazz, select movies, the wind in my face and the salt air in my nostrils, swimming, biking,
sniffing and teasing little kids and puppies, chocolate, silly and profound conversations, moments of
solitude, physical and spiritual intimacy with the one person whom I want to know and be known by
more than any other person in the world, listening together to the sounds and silences of the night.
I am 5'5.5", of average build. Photos I am sending under separate cover will tell the rest. It would be
lovely to hear from you. M.
Along with this photo:
She’s the one standing. I wrote her back,
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“Hi Maivan,
Thank you for your email. I too have a son. However, he's only 16 and I'm honored to have him in my
life. He lives with his mother and he and I are together on alternate week-ends. This was my weekend to
have him, but I had the flu so I didn't think it wise to expose him.
I'm pleased to affect you in so many ways. I likewise find you very attractive and desirable. Now, I'm
kind of speechless as I never developed the fine skill of being flirtatious.
So I'll go to a safe subject, where do you live in the city?
Looking to hear from you,
Richard”
She emailed me,
Good morning Richard,
I am enjoying the delicious ritual of morning coffee while the sun streams into my east facing 15th floor
apartment near Columbia U.
It seems that I guessed right: you are delightfully forthright and spare. Skipping flirtation and taking refuge
in location made me grin. Don't worry: I much prefer originals to reproductions.
Do you work in Manhattan?
So you have a young male shoot of sixteen. Tend him well. I think I did mine and now sit back and
admire what he has done with himself and for others.
Sorry about your flu. I hope you are recovering and that we might pursue our mutual exploration.
really pleased that you responded. M. ;
I am
I wrote her back,
Hi M,
No, I don't commute to the big apple--did that many many years ago. I live in God's country in NJ near
Sandy Hook which is near where Bruce Springstein, Heather LockLeer, and a few others live. I run
a company that manufactures gutter covers. www.Waterloov.com Before that I operated a stress
management center and my hobby is www.DStressDoc.com.
I must admit, I'm new at this dating thing and I never get it straight. Which do I bring on the first date,
flowers, XXXX knacks, jewelry, or sexy lingerie?
Of course, I should be able to figure that out myself by asking which would have the most desired effect
on you. I would guess the flowers, but then I'm usually wrong about such things. So I should simply
leave it as a question?
I'm on the mend and hope to be travel ready shortly once I get rid of the cough--not very romantic.
Richard
She didn’t write me back. Need to read chapter III of part I regarding why they don’t reply.
84
CHAPTER IV -- ROBERTA
Here’s another one that I had fun with. She simply sent me an email that she’d like to know more about
me.
Energetic, warm, aerobically fit, looking for a relationship with dance, museums, beachcombing, international travel,
and films."
I am a: 54 yr old woman
located in: New York, New York, United States
looking for: 55 to 65-year old man
within 10 miles of New York, New York, United States
body type: Slender
height: 5’ 2” (157.5 cms)
sense of humor: Clever: Nothing’s better than a quick-witted comeback
sign: Taurus
About me and who I'd like to date : Petite and fit, comfortable at Lincoln Center, indoors at the Ballet, outdoors
at Swing. Looking for educated and energetic male companion, strong physicality, strength of mind. Interest in
politics and Cable News, a plus. I love children, young and adolescent. I can walk alone on the beach, breezes and
sunshine, but often wishing for hands holding mine. Wishing for deep and long conversation, unwrapping emotions
and private thoughts, acknowledging yearnings and disappointments, comforting and planning together. Wishing for
a strong man with a heart that expands and embraces me. Wishing for real love. I enjoy the company of a man, who
has worldly experiences, who travels and speaks several languages, who can be of almost any nationality, racial
background, or political persuasion, and who is not overly obsessed with religion. I am seeking a man, who is
comfortable and independent, educated and witty, flexible and resourceful, and capable of sustaining a relationship.
Looking forward to hearing from some of you.........
I described my match in my profile. What I am seeking in a man is essentially what I am offering as a woman. A
man who is passionate about ideas and experiences would create a connection.
Appearance
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height: 5’ 2” (157.5 cms)
eyes: Hazel Hair: Blonde body type: Slender body art: Wouldn’t even think about it best feature: Neck
I emailed her:
Hi Decarisimo
Where to start about me. I have a 16 yr old son whom I'm honored to have in my life. I am an
independent thinker, hate Bush and religious fanatics although I'll think anyway you tell me-sad attempt at humor. I live near Sandy Hook, NJ. I'm newly divorced and am in business for
myself. There's a lot of I'ms. I'm just getting over the flu so anthing I say that sounds strange is
because of the effects of the fever.
What attracted you to my profile, the photo or the fact that I like to bring flowers and sexy
lingere? If you are interested in dating me, I do need structure though, so I'd need you to
arrange the following things I bring you in the order of the dates: flowers, chocolates, sexy
lingere, music cd. Don't be shy.
Is Decarisimo a combination of your first and last name?
where do you live in the city?
Richard
She responded:
Richard,
I was attracted to the beard, the beach, the fire place, flowers, dancing, and soul mate.
The order, if there's chemistry, is flowers, flowers, flowers, flowers. I don't eat chocolates,
I review many CD's by request, I have lingerie, reserved for an intimate relationship, and
I love good flowers. In fact, two florists advertise on my online arts magazine; review
jazz, classical, theatre, museums, special events, press tickets all over town. I'm also an
EdD education consultant.
Decarisimo is a song by Piazzolla, re-arranged by Ziegler, with loving reference to De
Caro.
What do you mean roomates? People or pets? What kinds of businesses?
I live in the West 50's, right off the West Side Highway.
Thank you for your note, Richard.
Roberta
Hi Roberta,
86
Thanks for clarifying order. I'd be very embarrassed bringing you chocolates when you
don't eat them or worse yet, sexy lingerie when we don't even know each other. And
since I don't eat chocolates either or wear sexy lingerie, I'd be in a pickle as they say.
Flowers, flowers, flowers.
What type of flowers? tulips, sun flowers, daisies, carnations? An equally important
question.
So you like my short beard, the fireplace, beach, and the soul mate thing. They say
there's an infinite number of soul mates for each of us, but after nearly 4 decades I find a
soul mate a challenge to find. Every time I thought I came close--no cigar! The fireplace is
easy. Doesn't stop me from searching though.
I hope I didn't offend you with my dry sense of humor. I have a sign in my office that
says, "Don't take life so seriously, you'll never get out of it alive!" I always try to
remember that.
Although you probably wouldn't guess it, I'm a fairly shy person so for me it's good to get
to know each other by emails so by the time we meet, we'll have some things to laugh
about and carry me through the shy moments.
Roomates, I'm trying to remember a reference I made to room mates although when I
recently divorced my wife I moved back into my house I had rented out and still have
some tenants living there. (Large house)
Businesses: by day I do www.waterloov.com and by love I do www.DStressDoc.com along
with www.PanicBusters.com and www.PendulumWarehouse.com and can always do some
www.waterloomediaproductions.com just for fun. I used to do lots of public speaking
(stress management training) although since I've gotten side tracked into gutters, my
opportunities have dwindled. Who wants to hear a gutter man speak about stress
management--my mind is always in the gutter?
No actually, I hired someone to run the gutter business and my new goals are to get back
to my true passions.
What's your website?
How long have you been divorced? Don't remember any reference to children?
What about true love has eluded you?
Richard
She replied:
Richard,
Thank you for your new note. If you send an accessible number, I'll call you in the next day or two. I
prefer phone to email. Thanks.
Roberta
I replied with only Hello Roberta followed by my phone number and name.
She replied only as subject: When are you available to be called, how late, da
I replied to the same subject line:
Roberta,
Thanks for asking. If you read this in time, I'm available up until midnight tonight. Tomorrow evening
after 8:30pm up until midnight.
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Richard
I was thinking that maybe we’d get beyond the rough spot and I’d get to meet her
and instead of a phone call, I received this email:
Subject: change in mind
Richard,
I'm pursuing a relationship with someone I met recently, as it turns out. Thanks anyway, and good luck.
Roberta
I replied with subject: Disappointed
Hi Roberta,
Thanks for the heads up. I'm happy for you and wish you the best in finding your match and am
disappointed that we didn't connect. Please keep me in your favorites for future reference (just in case).
Have a great day,
Richard
88
CHAPTER V -- JEANNIE
Then I receive another email from another woman:
Subject: lady seeking gentleman of quality
Good evening,
Your profile is beautifully written. You certainly have a way with words; I like that, for I am a word
person.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Jeannie. I am a teacher by profession and choice. My interests are
eclectic and my passions are many. Traveling and music top the list. I am fortunate in that my profession
affords me the time to travel in the summer.
Read my profile, then respond. My photo is a year old (I am in the process of replacing it). And when
you do, tell me; who was your favorite super hero when you were a boy? I believe one can tell much
about a man from the boy inside:-)
Till then, enjoy what life may bring your way.
Jeannie
I replied:
Subject: Hi to you too
Hi Jeannie,
My first girl friend's name was Jeannie. Anyway my super hero's name was Davie Crockett. What does
that tell you about the boy inside me? What do you teach?
Any children? I have a 16 yr old son who lives with his mother.
Look forward to hearing from you,
Richard
Subject: Hello Richard
Good morning, Richard,
It's nice to begin my day talking with you. So, I'm not the first Jeannie in your life...mmm....perhaps
that's a good omen. And when I was in grade school, the class "heart throb" was named Richard:-) Are
you a superstitious man? Do you have faith in fate? lol
What does Davey Crockett say about you? Well, you like adventure; you're old enough to carry an
interesting conversation; you have a decent respect for nature; you like animals; you're kind;
and......most important of all...you like hats!
I teach Literature, Grammar, and Social Studies to middle school children. No, I don't have any children
other than "my kids" that I teach. I enjoy teaching very much; I believe that shows each day in the
classroom. What year in HS is your son? Are the two of you close?
I don't know about you, but I am tired of snow. I woke up very early this morning to go for a walk (the
sun was shining), but when I looked out, the ground was covered in snow. I like snow, but I am more
than ready for spring. I seem to get my strength and inspiration when the sun shines. What about you?
Tell me more about you. Do you enjoy music? What type of music? I am a die hard Beatle fan, but I am
not limited, although I can handle opera in very small quantities. And Hip Hop, Rap, to me is anger and
vulgarity set to a beat. As you can see, I have rather strong opinions; does that bother you?
Well, I've rattled on long enough. I look forward to hearing from you again.
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Soon,
Jeannie
I can see that asking about being naughty is a lot more effective way of
introducing the subject of intimacy than asking if I should bring sexy lingerie on
the first date. Women like naughty, they don’t like to be a sexual object. So I
replied:
Subject: Davie Crockett
Hi Jeannie,
Superstitious--not really. I mean beyond staying in bed all day on Frid 13--no I'm not superstitious.
Yes, I agree. Enough with the snow==bring on a sunny April and May.
My son is a sophomore and soon to take driving lessons. We're fairly close. I see him alternate
weekends and twice during the week.
Music--pretty much agree with you--dislike rapp and heavy metal and distortion.
I do not believe in fate at all. I'm esotheric and spiritual and have a website that reflects my beliefs and
experiences www.DStressDoc.com
I like to cook--make the best tasting shrimp scampi in the country and the best salad as well. Generally a
modest person except for bragging about the shrimp scampi.
I'm neither a jealous nor controlling person. I generally see the good in others which can sometimes
keep me from seeing the not so good.
And I'm naughty and wouldn't have it any other way and like a woman who appreciates the naughty boy
in me. I wonder if Davie Crocket was a naughty boy too.
Richard
She replied:
Subject: Shall I put you in the corner?
Good Morning, Richard,
I laughed out loud when I read your comment about being a naughty boy. Somehow, I don't
remember Davey as being naughty. This should be an "interesting" dialog, one I'd like to have...perhaps
at a later date, by phone, or face to face...perhaps;-)
It's a beautiful crisp morning and I am about to go out and walk and bask in the "almost" warm
sun.....but decided to talk to you first. Are you a morning person? A night owl? I am both. My "crash"
time comes at about 4:30-6 PM, when I'd love to take a nap and recharge. Sometimes I can; other times
I'm working.
I logged on to your website. Did I understand you correctly? It is YOUR website? You are Richard
Kuhns? Tell me about your work. How did you first get interested? I, too, believe that the mind can do
remarkable things when it comes to addictions, healing, and finding one's way in life. If indeed this is
you, do you speak on the tapes? I ask this because I am very much a voice person. Call it a quirk, but if
I like someone's voice, it's a plus. (Speaking voice, of course....but I wouldn't mind a singer either. Do
you sing? I do....when I am happy.)
Today it is my hope to go into the city and walk around, perhaps take in a matinee; I'll see. Due to the
weather I haven't been in NY in a while. And what will you do today? Are you a sports fan? NY Times
crossword person? Garage sale junkie? Tinkerer around the house? Couch potato?
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Well, I best be on my way while the sun is still out. Have a great day. "Talk" to you later/
Soon,
Jeannie
Hi Jeannie,
I only sing for supper and if I did sing, you'd let me starve--at least that's what my x used to say.
Was hoping to get some time to write you more, but between home shows and a cd program I'm
producing, the last few days have been hectic.
Will write more later.
Have a georgous day,
Somehow I get the impression she could be possessive and jealous and assuming a lot about a
relationship. Why do I ask?
49 yr old woman
located in: Clifton, New Jersey, United States
looking for: 47 to 58-year old man within 75 miles of Clifton, New Jersey, United States
relationships: Committed relationships but never married
body type: About average
height: 5’ 6” (167.6 cms)
sense of humor: Clever: Nothing’s better than a quick-witted comeback
sign: Libra
About me and who I'd like to date Let's see, I am a giving, kind, independent, attractive woman who enjoys a
wide array of things. My passions are many... traveling, movies, teaching, music...the list can go on indefinitely. I
have a lot of energy and am open to most things....at least once. I am happiest when I am being creative. I dabble
in writing, sketching, and singing...all for pleasure and relaxation. I have an adventurous spirit that I feed each
summer when I travel, but I am open to adventures closer to home:- I am not looking for a man to complete me, for
I am complete. I am not looking for thrills and to be entertained, although, at the right time and place....one never
knows. I am looking for a special man, a man who is kind and intelligent and therefore, not intimidated by an
independent woman. I am straight forward and do not play games, and I expect the same in return. Family and
friends are an important part of my life, as are the children I teach. I am looking for a man who has his own
interests and will be open to mine; a man who needs his own space at times is fine with me. I've learned that it's the
simple things in life that mean the most. What do I find attractive? Kindness, honesty, laughter.
Mmm, what type of man do I like most? I like a man who laughs easily...even if it's at himself. If he loves music
(love the Beatles), flying, traveling (I can be ready in less than an hour), movies, taking a ride to an unknown
destination, going out for dinner, good conversation,...and learning new things, he has possibilities. I like a man who
enjoys a good home cooked meal with a warm caring woman at his side, or better yet, a man who will cook up
something with me...(she states with a grin). People who know me know that a man who can make me laugh has
the inside track...but, they can also telll you that I have an off center sense of humor. If you are comfortable with
91
who you are, I will be as well. A man with a sensual voice will get my attention, but a quick wit and a soft heart will
keep it.
Appearance
height: 5’ 6” (167.6 cms)
eyes: Hazel
hair: Blonde
Body type: About average
Body art: No Answer
best feature: Eyes
Interests
for fun: I like the view from a hot air balloon (a fantasy come true); it's quiet and beautiful...and all cares are
small. I like to meet people; try new things, but appreciate what I have. I sing when I'm happy & write when I'm sad
favorite hot spots: NYC...for excitement. A good book, a walk under the stars.. quiet talk.. gentle laughter suits
me perfectly...when I want to relax. And then there's the flip side...concerts, an exciting hockey game....wherever
life brings me.
favorite things:
Quiet talks over coffee, making dinner for two, having a few friends over, watching classic films
while it's storming outside, listening to the Beatles, walking on a beach, flying in a
helicopter...gee, that's only the beginning.
last read:
I was totally captivated by The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown...thought provoking, yet totally
entertaining...have you read it?
Sense of Clever: Nothing’s better than a quick-witted comeback
humor:
sports
Dancing, Walking / Hiking, Billiards / Pool, Bowling, Hockey
and
exercise:
common Book club/Discussion, Coffee and conversation, Cooking, Dining out, Movies/Videos, Museums
interests:and art, Music and concerts, Nightclubs/Dancing, Performing arts, Political interests,
Religion/Spiritual, Travel/Sightseeing
She replied to my last email with subject: I’ll sing, you cook!
Hi Richard,
Yes, it was a beautiful day today...I look forward to hearing more from you. Tell me more about that cd
program.
Jeannie
I replied to her a few days later:
Subject: Secrets of Naughtiness
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Good Morning Jeannie
How have you been? and what's new?
The cd program I've been producing is entitled, "secrets of naughtiness" I've been doing research on the
subject for years and the more I think I know, the more I realize I know nothing. Just kidding about the
cd. Truth about naughtiness.
I've been working on two cd's one is entitled, Over come life crisis and the other is Relaxation for
Health. I started revising the Crisis program last August and then found myself in a crisis and every time
I finished the program I went back and revised it some more. Finally got through my own crisis and
finished the program--but no one ever orderes it--maybe need to rename it to something else.
How's shrimp scampi? or Pasta with sauce and shrimp? or fish in butter wine lemon sauce? or.... are
your salavary glands begging yet?
Speaking voice: I have a whining squeaky voice that drives people crazy. That would be a kicker. Most
enjoy my voice. Yes, we'll have to talk. Just realized that I need sound files on my website so
prospective customers can sample my voice. I know I'd rather buy a tape from somone whose voice I
like than someone who squeaks.
So tell me what type of person you are. Are you easy going? perfectionist? work alcoholic? spiritual?
religious? free spirited? possessive? shy? out going? independent?
I'm a Taurus who is easy going, spiritual, non possessive, shy, and sometimes I work a lot. My Indian
name used to be "Works a lot" although recently it's sometimes, "Goofs off a lot"
have a great day,
Richard
She replied the next day:
Subject was unchanged: Secrets of Naughtiness
Good morning, Richard,
As always, it's nice to hear from you. I must confess that I was intrigued with the prospects of a CD
entitled "secrets of naughtiness"....lol
Yes, I agree, if I were to get a tape I would want one that has a pleasant voice, especially if I were to get
one to relax me. Imagine listening to a whining, nasal voice and trying to relax! I have been told that I could
run a lucrative "900" business with my voice, or perhaps be a DJ on a radio program. When we speak, I'll let
you be the judge of that.
What type of person am I? Let's see. I am outgoing for the most part. I can be shy, but I doubt if most
people would describe me as such. I am very spiritual and intuitive. I enjoy my work, but I am no longer a
workaholic (use to be...a long time ago, until I learned). I am independent, and yet have needs.
Possessive?...mmm that's a tough one. I don't think so, but I don't "share"...I want a man who is "into" me,
not several. I am not a perfectionist, but I strive to do my best, be it in work or when immersed in a creative
project. I have lots of energy and many interests, so I believe I am open minded and accept people for who
they are.
When I spent time on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation, I was renamed "She who enlightens children"...no
doubt because I teach and wherever I am, children seem to gravitate to me. (also pets....by the way, do you
have a pet?)
Tell me, are you a morning person or a night owl? Or perhaps you are like me...both.
I look forward to hearing from you again. Till then, enjoy the promise of another beautiful day...I'm off to
take my walk.
Jeannie
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I could have set up a phone call a week or so ago—that’s obvious. I just don’t have the motivation yet to
meet her. And she has the possessive gene—she admitted it. I would be interested in her voice for doing
some of my self help tapes in a female voice.
I emailed her the following to keep the string of communication alive.
Hello Jeannie,
May be a beautiful day for throwing snow balls.
I'm a night person and sometimes a morning person, but definitely more so a night person.
So you liked the title--secrets of naughtiness. Tell me what the first secret is.
No, I don't have a pet. My ex has the family animule that is the love of my heart--it's half pug and shitsu-pugsu. She's mostly black with touches of gray.
I get visitation whenever I want and I can take the spuppy any afternoon or day.
Don't know if I mentioned or not, I have my son this weekend--we played tennis yesterday. I'm seriously
thinking about taking up golf with him. Not that he wants to play golf, I just wish I'd have had the
opportunity when I was his age. He can always play or not play as to not have the choice.
So what is it that you teach, instruct, or train?
Off to making breakfast!! Now what do I want to eat, eggs, omlet, pancakes.... I'm wearing myself out
already. I'll just flip a coin. I think all major decisions should be made at the flip of a coin. Only problem
is that I never remember to flip the coin and aggravate over the choices instead--not that I aggravate for
a long time--maybe a minute or two.
Until next time,
Richard
I finally called Jeannie. She was glad to hear from me. She had a great soothing relaxing voice.
Definitely one that I might employ to provide some of my self help programs in a female voice. Anyway
we talked for about a half hour. She told me she had been jilted by this guy several years ago who lied
and said he was divorced only to learn later on he was only separated and he went back to his wife. She
definitely didn’t want any sharing going on.
I called just before the Easter Holiday and told her I was very busy and may not be getting back to her
for a while. In the meantime, I received winks from several other women whom I decided more
interesting to pursue and didn’t get back to Jeannie. I don’t know why, but I just didn’t get sufficient
chemistry with her to pursue further.
94
CHAPTER VI -- GAIL
Then I received a wink from this lady from NYC.
57 yr old woman
located in:
New York, New York, United States
looking for:
within 15 miles of New York, New York, United States
body type:
Slender
height:
5’ 7” (170.2 cms)
sense of
humor:
Friendly: I’ll laugh at anything
sign:
Leo
I think if your open, you are able to find love and compatability in the most interesting places.
I would say that describes me. I want companionship but seeking the good kind. I want to
laugh and enjoy my time spent with someone special. I am a fun loving kind individual who
seeks the same qualities in a mate. I am looking for a kind gentleman, who likes to shmooze
over a cup of coffee or wine. I want him to have a sense of humor. My desires are very simple.
I want to love and laugh. If you want the same, email me, we can make sweet chemistry.
Hi Gail,
I like your smile. I'm told I have a great smile too, but the camera just doesn’t do a great job of capturing
it.
Tell me about yourself. Where in the big Apple do you live?
I live near Sandy Hook in NJ. enjoy dancing and cooking. I make the best shrimp scampi in the country-my x taught me well.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Richard
She never responded. Boo hoo!! But, I’ll survive.
95
CHAPTER VII – Ljie
50 yr old woman
located in:
Brooklyn, New York, United States
looking for:
within 100 miles of Brooklyn, New York, United States
Relationships:Committed relationships but never married
My ethnicity: White / Caucasian
body type:
About average
height:
5’ 4” (162.6 cms)
sense of
humor:
Goofy: Cartoons still crack me up, Friendly: I’ll laugh at anything
sign:
Leo
I am a fun-loving individual who loves to laugh and enjoy life. I love the arts, especially
photography, painting, ballet and flamenco. Although I have lived in New York for most of my
life, I've had the great fortune to live in Brazil for 2 years, France for a month and Mexico for
two. I was also thoroughly enchanted with Cambridge, Mass. when I lived there for four years. I
am hoping to meet a man who is honest and can communicate well. I am not looking for the
perfect man, my 'match' or the 'one.' I am simply seeking a man to share similar interests with,
as in going to some off-beat films, perhaps bicycling, etc., and just having some fun times.
I forget whether I winked at her and she responded or whether she winked at me and I responded,
anyway, she didn’t respond so I sent this email:
Subject: Just checking re your wink
I've been having trouble with receiving my emails and since I didn't receive an email back from you,
thought perhaps your email got lost. If you did respond, kindly send to both XXXX@comcast.net as
well as to richard@waterloov.com
Was really looking forward to hearing from you as I was looking forward to seeing some off-beat films,
bicycling and more with you?
Richard
I never heard back from her. Boo Hoo!! Makes for a short chapter.
96
CHAPTER VIII -- JUDIE
Then I received an email from a woman eager to relocate.
Hi!
I liked what you had to say, as well as your photos (and your beard), and would love to talk to you. I happen to live
in the Queens area of New York City, but don't let that be a detriment because I have always been open to
relocating whether in or outside of New York and truly like the Jersey area. Sorry if I'm brief, but I much rather chat
on the phone and can be reached at 718-847-1146; my e-mail address is gymfitseventeen (seventeen written out in
numerals right next to the word "gymfit") at aol dot com and I certainly would welcome hearing from you. Take
care, enjoy the week ahead, and I do hope we touch base very soon. You sound very interesting and real.
Judie
Judy was eager for personal contact. After the third email I gave her a call. We got off to an ordinary
start collecting boring information about each other. She is the first person who I’ve met that is an only
child—interesting—maybe she’ll understand my communication style since I grew up with no one with
whom to share. So sharing (as in conversation which I often think is jibberish) is not a great skill of
mine.
I was in confusion about whether I could find the time to see Judie since I had a date with Olga in
Brooklyn, but remembering the abundance trap, a few days later, I responded with:
Subject: Re: HI Judie--lady who likes a short beard!
vibrant17
58-year-old woman
Kew Gardens, NY, US
Seeking: Men 54-65
Thanks for your email. Wanted to respond earlier, but have been very busy.
My feelings are mutual, however, at this time I'm not as available as much I'd like to be for a
relationship and you're probably looking for someone who is more available. Although sometimes I do
get to Brooklyn--maybe we could meet during the day--easier driving than at night.
Part of it is the distance thing and I know you're willing to relocate which is great, yet we'd need an
opportunity to get to know each other a lot before taking a step like that. Unless of course there are a few
guys from NJ you're interested in. Just kidding. You're a great lookng lady and I'm sure you get lots of
interest. I like looking at your photo and reading your profile.
The other thing too is that I'm recently divorced and don't know if I'm looking to settle down just yet.
But then, I know how that goes, the minute i say I want to play the field, I'll find the person I want to
spend the rest of my life with and the minute I say I want to settle down, I'll never find the right person.
Tell me more about yourself until I get a chance to call you maybe this weekend--that is if you still want
to respond or hear from me.
If I'm not being too forward, may I send you a kiss and a hug?
97
Richard
She responded with:
Hi, Richard!
Thank you for responding to my response. I was very glad to get your note and certainly would love to hear from
you so we can chat and get to know each other a little. Don't let the distance factor be a detriment. The most
important thing is that two people eventually meet and connect and are very much in sync. You can call anytime you
like (in the evening during the week usually after 8:00 p.m. is good, any time on weekends. If you get my machine,
I'll be more than happy to return your call. I look forward to hearing from you. Basically, I'm not much of an emailing person; I'd rather speak to someone on the phone. Take care, enjoy the weekend ahead, and I do hope we
speak very soon. Be well.
Judie
P.S. Once again, my number is 718-847-XXXX.
I called her and she just about lost me when she told me she was looking for the right guy. I really
withdrew in my communication thinking this will be good by quickly as I can’t see my self being
someone’s right person at this time.
I talked about chemistry; she likes my short beard, and made it clear that she’d like to meet me. I
mentioned something about achieving the goal of finding the right person being difficult sometimes.
She went on to tell me she met this guy back in late 90’s and he made it clear that he was only looking
for a fun relationship. She went out with him because of the chemistry and eventually broke it off with
him because she was looking for “Mr Right” who wanted to get married. He was “Mr Right,” but
showed no signs of marriage.
The kicker was that six years later, she heard from this guy who announces that he’s getting married.
Irony!! A woman who wants to get married is still single and the guy who never wanted to get married is
getting married. Holy Shit!!! Our goals are useless unless maybe we really don’t know what our goals
are and we’re feeding ourselves a line of Bull Sxxx.
I replied, “If I have a goal to find Mrs. Right, I’d have to date a hundred women before I’d find her.”
And then, if I say, “I only want to have fun and be a player, I’d probably fall in love.”
She quickly agreed that it’s stupid to have an agenda of finding the “Right Person,” it simply puts a lot
of pressure on both parties involved. I agreed and agreed to meet her. Let’s play and let’s have fun and
take care of the serious stuff when and if it happens
After we said, “good night,” I sent her the following email:
Hi Judie,
Enjoyed our phone call this evening. Look forward to meeting you.
Looks like Saturday afternoon around 3:30 or so will be just fine.
Please email me an address where I should meet you.
98
Richard
And she responded with:
Subject: Saturday afternoon meeting:
Hi, Richard!
I'm glad that you could make it tomorrow; I really look forward to meeting you. I guess we'll probably meet for
coffee or tea so the best place I can think of is Dunkin' Donuts which is right at the corner of 116th Street on
Metropolitan Avenue. However, I would appreciate it if you could just confirm this with me by phone (718) 8471146 either tonight or tomorrow in a.m. Take care, enjoy the evening, and I will see you tomorrow at 3:30 p.m.
Let me know if this is suitable for you.
Judie
P.S. Bring an umbrella. It will be raining all day!
I drove to Queens to meet her and it was a rainy day. We had a basic get to know you discussion. She
was not happy about my dietary limitations and called me later about it to tell me she really likes to eat
out. When I took her home at every stop light I leaned over and kissed her—she really liked that.
I needed to use her bathroom before my long trip home and we talked about yoga. I showed her some
assanas that I use and then I kissed her good bye. My schedule was too tenuous to make a date so I let
things ride for a few days. We played phone tag and eventually I set up a tentative date for a Monday
afternoon.
Later, after I got her call about her liking to eat in restaurants, I emailed her and told her I was too busy.
I figured I’d rather spend more time with Olga whose company I enjoy than start something new that I
know is going no place in the long run except to get in her pants.
I’m proud of myself for not needing another notch on my belt.
99
CHAPTER IX -- KAREN
Another email from a woman a little more distant, but also willing to relocate.
have car, will drive -- and love train rides too
thekaren's profile
61-year-old woman
Chevy Chase, MD, US
Seeking
men 55-70
Active within 3 days
Dear XXXXk,
I am a bit distant, I know, but I love what you say
about yourself and you seem to be looking for the
same kind of relationship I am. Your description of
what you want gives me goose bumps.
NJ isn't all THAT far, and my company owns PECO,
so I get up to Philly a lot and we are acquiring PSEG,
so I will be in Trenton some too. Plus my daughter
and family live in Allentown, so I go there too. I am
not sure and haven't taken the time to see where
Middletown is, but it is probably a reasonable guess
that it's sort of in the middle of the state?
I hope you will be sufficiently interested to write. I
think we could enjoy each other a lot! Karen
About me and who I'd like to meet
I am looking for a man to love and be loved by. I'm happy, healthy and
affluent and would like to find the same in a man. I've raised my
children and now they are raising theirs. And doing a good job of it. I'm
a regulatory/public policy lawyer for a large energy company and I
enjoy my job very much. It is too engaging to leave. I have plenty of
friends, both close and not so close and I enjoy entertaining in my
home. But these connections do not supplant a lover. Other
characteristics: I am secure enough to be open, communicative and
candid. I value honesty a lot. I try to be easy going, flexible and
understanding of others. I am gregarious, but independent. I am
emotionally stable, but enjoy passion. I am reasonably cultured and
educated. I have enough humor to appreciate the ironies life is full of. I
am pretty energetic, but not frenetic. I would enjoy a companion with
both an active intellect and an active libido, but who also is easy going,
secure and not self-important. He's got to be honest and considerate to
others. Being optimistic, enthusiastic and relatively energetic are real
pluses. Being a good traveler is desirable -- Greece, China, Turkey and
Ireland are on my list, but closer destinations are desirable too. I'd like
someone who can enjoy pleasures of all kinds, from music and theater
to wine and cuisine to mountain air and sunshine, right down to
amusing personal foibles. And while I'm dreaming, he also should be
affectionate and loving.
I emailed her:
Hi Karen,
Goose bumps? I'm flattered. Thank you.
Yes, we are distant and there's a possibility I'll be going to Va on a business in the next week or two or three. Who
knows! Perhaps I could drop by on the way.
I went to College Park and lived in Beltsville during my senior year--a long time ago. I haven't been there for 15 or
20 years.
100
She replied
:
Dear Richard,
I have spent more than an hour writing emails to you and two have gotten away. Interesting stuff (to me at any
rate) about my growing up in NJ and then moving to TN and recently having bought a house in FL where my 97 year
old father lives and where my whole family visits once a year. I do find family enriching and I would yours too -- and
the scene from your profile about cooking together is particularly appealing. More because of the intimacy than
because of the cooking.
So at this point, I am spent, and frustrated. I like to write, but what I should do is write in a word document and
then attach it, because email is just too fragile. Or at least Match email seems to be. I hope you will call me or email
me at my home email so that we can communicate more reliably. My cell phone number is 202-258-5957. my home
email is karenhill@rcn.com. I do hope you will visit -- as soon as you can. I will be in NJ on the 5th and 6th of April.
Where is Middletown?
Karen
I replied:
Hi Karen,
How have you been. Will try to call you tomorrow. Where in NJ will you be? My trip to VA hasn't yet
taken form.
Richard
And then emailed her again
Subject: forgot to answer your question
Middletown is on the coast just north of Asbury park
I didn’t get to call her the next day, I tried the following day and just got her voice mail and left a brief
message.
She came to visit on a business trip and we had a great date that ended up in Philadelphia with me
coming home the next morning.
I left a message on her phone that I enjoyed our date and she returned my call and left a message.
A few days later I emailed her:
Karen,
How are you? Been thinking about you from time to time. We really had a great date and enjoyed our
conversation among other things.
Thursday after was a hectic day and didn't get to grab a bite until dinner time, but I did have the shrimp
scampi with eggs for breakfast on Friday.
You had mentioned two thoughts you held onto from smoke enders, I think one was, "one puff away
from a pack a day, " right? and the other was?
My trip to VA is on hold for a while--not even sure if this month. Have you any plans for NJ?
101
Richard
p.s. I may be dropping out of match as I have less and less time to date. my regular email is
XXXX@comcast.net
She emailed me back: Dear Richard,
Yes, we did have a great date. It was fun and enlightening.
You are a very energetic and entertaining person and kind too
and a super lover. I'm glad you got to finish the "shrimp
scampi" before it was too old.
The other motivational phrase was "you have a problem and
you have a cigarette, you have two problems." I like the way
they leave out the extraneous grammatical connectors.
Not enough time to date! Sacre bleu! Life is too short, man!
You've got to invoke Rule No. 6! That's the one I have
repeated to a number of people. I can't tell the whole joke,
but I sort of recount the jist of it. I will keep that one in
mind. And also the idea of experiencing the moment. Of
course there are kernals of irresponsibility in that one.
Anyway, thanks for writing. I don't have any current plans for
NJ. I don't know when the next meeting up there will be.
Ciao, Karen
I returned to her a week later:
Hi Karen,
You're a pretty energetic and great lover too. Just thinkin of that night makes me get aroused. Yes, Rule #6. I
do like to remember rule #6,
Will be workin on my trip to VA this week. But it may not be for a month or so then what do I know--it could
be next week.
Love this weather. Went for a foot bath this morning--foot bath in pepperment and eculyputus.
Keep forgetting to get the name of our dealer in the Washington area for you.
At home tonight catching up on my emails and writing my cd's with my son as he plays Navy Seal vs Terrorist
on the internet.
Write when you get a chance,
Richard
During this time I was dating Linda (Part IV). It was at this period of time that I was upset with Linda,
Karen called me on a Friday telling me she was going to be in the neighborhood the following Monday
and I booked a motel room for us near Philly.
I met Karen another time in New Jersey. We always had a good time together, but I knew she wasn’t my
match and I sensed she knew it too. I had an occasion to be in Maryland to a family reunion and dropped
102
off to see her one evening. I had hoped we’d spend the night together, but instead we just had pizza and
she had me leave early.
I was quite disappointed driving all that distance. She never did tell me what it was about other than she
was beginning to feel under the weather. A few weeks later we met in New Jersey again, went to dinner,
and then went for a walk on the beach. I had a blanket we used to bundle up with and made love on it.
She was very nervous about getting caught with pictures being taken of us and since she was an attorney
for a large corporation that would be very embarrassing. It all added to the excitement. And even though
we didn’t get cited for indecent behavior, I did get a parking ticket at 12:30 am that cost a whopping $65
for a NJ beach town.
I haven’t had a parking ticket for 20 years and this was my third parking ticket of the year and all
because of match dates—the cost of being socially active, I reasoned to myself.
That was the last time we met and later she emailed me to tell me she had met someone special.
Ironically it was just the time I met Nancy in Part IV (my match).
103
CHAPTER X -- PAULA
I received this email :
I know that I winked at you,however again you've been chosen as one of my matches..shall we
trust their formula..and see what happens....Paula
I returned this email:
Subject: Re: You and Me or You and I?
Date: Sat, 09 Apr 2005 06:15:05 +0000
Hey Paula,
I like that line, "shall we trust their formula and see what happens."
It's a lot better than, "If I told you you had a nice body, would you hold it against me." Anyway, I've never
used that corney line because I'm a little on the shy side and find it just too obvious (nothing left for the
imagination).
But then if we trust their formula, let's get married. What percentage does the match computer say that are
we compatable?
That 72 thing. Does that mean you're really 72 yrs of age using a picture of 30 yrs ago, or that you're 72" in
highth?
The last woman I went out with said she was 52 and then on the first date she told me that she was 57, not
that it matters a lot, but.....
All that light kidding stuff aside, do you like a guy that makes you laugh and what about me attracted you,
other than the high percentage?
Richard
I'm sure that if you sent that email to ten guys, you'd get 20 responses so I'm including my phone number
and hope that you'll get around to calling me tomorrow (Saturday) sometime during the day. 908-625-2195
and if for some reason I don't answer, please leave a message as sometimes it's in a pocket that I can't get to
in time or in another room at the other end of the house and I don't hear it--I could write a book about all the
places a phone could be). Then again, if you feel more comfortable with me reaching out, just tell me with
which hand--I mean your phone number---and I'll call you.
She didn’t return my call. She lives a great distance from me and I experimented with quite a bit of
bustin—maybe too much. If she were closer, I’d have been much more succinct and left the bustin for
the phone call. Too much garbage about the phone, just should have been up front and told her that I
might be out on a match date and not be able to answer the phone. The way I handled it she probably
thinks I’m married.
104
PART III ALMOST A MATCH
CHAPTER I -- GETTING TO KNOW HER
Getting emails from the other sex is always nice—half the battle is over. You just hope that you like
what they look like. Here’s one that I received one week end when I was home with the flu feeling just
awful. .
“I am a teacher, petite, easy-going, and had my first teaching job in Middletown where I grew up. I could
send you a picture if you'd like. I have 2 daughters & 2 dogs. I go to the gym about 4 -5 times a week. I
LOVE dancing & do it frequently here at home !!!!! I just was in NYC last weekend to seea play & had
lunch at a wondeful place (I cannot take credit for it though, my friends are good at that!!!),,,,,,,Well....
that is it for now !!!! Linda”
I replied,
“Hi Linda,
Would love to see your photo. Seems like I just started the symptoms of the flu and will have little to do
this weekend but to look at your photo and dream of possibilities. In fact I came home early to get an
appointment with the dr and a script to hopefully reduce the agony I'm in for.
Where did you grow up in Middletown. Guess you went to High school north--I live just a block away on
Tindall.
Look forward to your reply,
Richard
md@comcast.net (please send to both match.com and XXXX@comcast.net because I've had
situations where I didn't get emails”
And she responded,
“Well....I just got back from the movies & what a pleasant surprise to have a message !!!!! Thank you!!!!
&&&& I am going to send my picture after I send this......so if you do not get the picture you can let
know!!!! I hope that your medicine will help you feel better....I had a touch of it last weekend!!!!!! Linda”
along with this non descript photo: and then later she sends me the photo below with a note:
I just figured out how to get me & not my daughter too!!!
105
Apparently she figured out how to crop her daughter from a photo and sent me this photo which is
much better than the first one.
Looks like a winner to me—great smile.
So I replied:
“Hi Linda,
I thought you and your daughter were a group deal? Just kidding. You left the door wide open in your
email. Got your email last evening and was in too much muscle pain with the flu to respond. I like your
photo, when are we getting married?
I’m a captive audience, so if you’d like to talk, call me at 908-XXX-XXXX
Have a great day,
Richard”
And she responded,
Hi Richard !!!
I am having major computer problems !!!!! So sorry you are still ailing !!!! ( SEE!!! I am
compassionate). I rarely get sick ...even though I spend my days with 6 -7 year olds who always seem
to be full of germs !!!! They always want to go to the nurse !!!!! ( Could they be trying to get out of my
class ???))
I have 2 daughters, 22 & 27. Both live elsewhere I have 2 dogs with me,,,,Choc. Lab & a Taco bell
dog !!!! I live in Howell, near #195 & the Parkway. I have a townhouse with a fence.
I did not go to Midd. No. H.S.....I went to Mater Dei H.S. I used to live off Harmony Road when I a
younger girl. Did always live there or are you new ? I taught at Navesink for 8 years & did my student
teaching at River Plaza....nice to remember my old haunts !!!!!
So, what about you??? How long are you divorced? Do you work ? Do you have any siblings? I
have 2 sisters & 1 brother.
Uh oh !!!!! Computer is starting to act up!!!! Sorry for being so
wordy!
I am off to see the parents , I am cooking for them !!!!
Oh....one more thing<<<<<<?>>>>>>>>>>. I am very shy !!!! How could I possibly call you ????
Wouldn't that make me seem forward or brazen ?????
Well,..at the risk of being one or both of the
above, I would rather if you called ( I am a bit old-fashioned) me !!! I will be here tonight &
tomorrow.....Linda 732-7XX-XXXX
I called her and we spoke for an hour. She’s shy was concerned about talking too much. She
told me that she didn’t like my photo because I didn’t smile and normally wouldn’t have
responded to my photo.
I know all about her family, she’s a first grade school teacher and wants to meet me when my
flu bug is over.
106
CHAPTER II -- FIRST MEETING
We met at a diner for coffee on a Friday evening. I took flowers, and we had a Greek salad for
dinner. We jived and enjoyed each other’s company.
When I got home, I sent her the following email,
“Hi Shy Linda from Middletown,
Enjoyed our time together this evening. Maybe I’ll see ya tomorrow afternoon, let me know.
Uhm… foot massage!
Shy Richard From Middletown.”
I
I realized that I hadn’t looked up her profile so here it is:
"Easy going & happy!!!! Loves the outdoors & music.....likes to be casual but of course Oe always likes
that formal thong too!"
I am a:
54 yr old woman
located in:
Howell, New Jersey, United States
looking for:
within 50 miles of Howell, New Jersey, United States
relationships:Divorced
C
body type:
Slender
height:
5’ 1” (154.9 cms)
sense of
humor:
Friendly: I’ll laugh at anything
sign:
No Answer
I am so happy to be where i am....Including the fact that I am not very goosda t typing!!!! I
think fastedr than my fingers cango!!!! I have been ateacher for many years & I am liking it
m0ore now than ever before!!!!1 I go to the gym about 4 -5 times a week & sometimes run
in races....I am a complete romantic !!!
A kind, caring person, who wants to spend time with me & looks forward o this.....the
rest...later.....
I like the part she talks about doing the formal thong too. I think she meant the formal thing too.
I will have a good time with this one. So I wrote her an email,
107
“Hi Linda,
You won’t be in the way. I know the guy pretty well who I want to talk with. You can enjoy the
foot massage while I am busy with him. He might not even be there. I was looking at your
profile and I wanted to ask you about your formal thong. You can tell me about it tomorrow.
Perhaps you’ll bring it with you.
Not so shy, but maybe I should be shy,
Richard
108
CHAPTER III -- FIRST DATE
We had an afternoon date and she emailed me with subject as “WOW”
Hi Richard !@!!!
Thank you for a super wonderful day!!!!! A perfect Saturday afternoon!!!!!!!! I felt completely
relaxed & totally enjoyed the day!!
Now I am convinced that you are not shy!!!!! Thank you so much!!!! Daine still shy!!!!
I asked her for a date Monday evening and she said she was busy and maybe Friday evening
and then she emailed me:
subject, “Important Message”
Hi not shy Richard from Middletown....
I think I recall you mentioning that you are flexible......well....when I went to put Friday on my
claendar I messed up.....Doctor appt. is next monday, evening conferences start on Wed. but I
am going to the Howell H.S. production of "Chicago" on Friday ( my friend's son has a
lead)......so I cannot make it on Friday but I am free Mon. & Tues.,,,,,But if you have changed
your mind aboutit please disregard my message !!!! Linda (SHY & sorry!!!)
I emailed her and told her that I was flexible, then I called her and we made a date for 7:00pm.
At first she was anxious about getting directions to my place when I told her I planned on going
to her place. She was really happy that I was bringing everything to her place.
109
CHAPTER IV -- MAKING DINNER AT HER PLACE
I arrived with my picnic bag with all the ingredients and wine. I made shrimp scampi and we
got lots of gentle kisses and hugs after dinner and before desert. And then more kisses and
hugs before I left.
She emailed me:
Hi Excellent Cook Richard !!!!!!!!!!!
I too had a wonderful evening !!!! (The dinner was so so good !!! & I promise I will
not finish the ice cream!!!!)
I am glad that you did too…after all…when people meet
like this there is only a 25% chance that they will hit it off !!!! See, I am so
mathematical!!!
I appreciate you volunteering for Friday but it is a “girl” night but BE CAREFUL
about offering to be my escort…I just may take up on it !!!
I am looking forward to seeing you again !!!! Shy but not so much now !!! Linda
I emailed her that I enjoyed her gentle kisses and included an angel story that
someone emailed me.
Hi Richard........
I really loved the story you sent me !!!!! Thank you....
I am so glad that "we" decided to have dinner last night,,,,,because tonight it is so so bad out
there !!!!!......... You may be Cook #2 but.................that waas the best shrimp!!!!!! It was so
good !!~~~ Too bad that I ate all of it ~~~~~ i would have loved having some left over for
lunch today!!!! I could have gloated in front of all the other teachers !!!!!! Oops !!!! a negative
side of my personality!!!!........
I printe d all of the websites & I will try & go there tonight..... very good...gives me some
insight on you!!!!! Since you already have more on me !!!!!.................On the 25% thing.....It
does not mean that 25% will work out...but just that when youa re meetingosmeone for the first
time,,,there is only a 25% chance that one will have a "connection"!!!!! ie.....both will think
....."ICK"!!!!!!.....or one will thi k ....."ICK".......or the other willl think,,,,,,""ICK"......or the almost
impossible both we think........."ummmmmm" !!!!!!!........sEE!!!! You are the engineer !!!!
Well..... I too had such a good time !!!! You make me smile .....................Linda
ps.....I really liked those GENTLE kisses...but.....
Linda
I emailed her subject “burned my thumb”
110
Cook #2 burned his thumb knuckle tonight getting the mac and cheese out of the oven. I need kisses to
make it feel better. Any idea where I can find them?
It was a great story, wasn't it. I'm still lookin for my guardian angel. Do you know yours?
So you're a gloater--should have known.
Too bad I don't know you very well--I could have suggested we get snowed in together but that would
be totally unshy. But...
By the way, what was that "but..." about after your gentle kisses comment?
Ick? did you raise fish? Ick is a terrible fish disease. Ick is a very strong reaction. Must say that I haven't
gone "Ick" yet with any match dates. But then there have been a lot of ?????????????????? and maybe
some went ICK that I don't know about. But I'm glad that you and I aren't about ick.
Thanks for the text message. Glad you were impressed. What else can I do to impress ya? I know, shave
the hair off my back.
good, I made you smile again!
Richard
3/8 She replied
Dear Poor Richard........I am so sad that you have burned you thumb !!!! You shoul;d have
told me on the phone ...I could have been very simpathetic (or however, it is spelled
!!!)......Thanks for the call !!!! i was wondering when we would talk again !!!!!.............
I did love that story !!!!! I hope that we all have a guardian angel....What a warm & good
feeling that is !!!!
I am looking forward to Saturday now !!!! I think we will have FUN again!!!!
............................but.........there is more to time together than GENTLE KISSES.....as much as
we do love them!!!!!....well.......I am going to lie down & read a bit & then fall asleep,,,, I have
to be fresh & ready for the onslaught of parents tomorrow !!!!!.....I cannot wait until Saturday
!!!! &&& I do enjoy speaking with you!!!! Linda
She emailed me again:
:
Hi Richard.!!!!!
Just wanted you to know that I thought & thought & thought & I finally came up
with some help for Saturday’s menu !!!!!!!!!!!! Let’s have Vanilla Swiss Almond for
dessert ~~~~….by the way what does BSChe stand for ??????
Linda
3/10 I sent this to her:
Hello Linda,
111
I'm appreciate and am glad that you put that pretty head to good use this morning. Vanilla SWiss
Almond is a fantastic idea. How about a pint for dinner, and one for desert?
Love your emails--they (you) make me smile.
Now I've been thinking and thinking and thinking. In fact I asked my burned thumb nuckle about what
would be a great entree and it gave me a bunch of options.
1. shrimp with tomatoe sauce w basil and pasta that I told you all about but probably forgot because you
were into messing around.
2. chicken breasts fillet in butter and wine sauce
3. breaded chicken breasts fillet with sauteed onions
4. King crab legs with rice or pasta
5. some kind of white fish like talapia, flounder etc in lemon and butter sauce
6 #5 above in wine sauce
Cook #2 from Middletown.
Richard BSChE
BS is the standard degree in Bull Shit and ChE means chemical engineering. I haven't figured out
whether you and I are exothermic or endothermic although I sometimes think we're exothermic. But
there's an easy way to find out. More later
She replied:
Hi Richard of Middletown…
I got you email this morning & what a wonderful way to begin my day!!!!
Thinking about food !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How could I possibly make a choice ??? Are you
trying to make me feel inadequate ????? They all sound delicious & tempting!!! && I
cannot show off my baking abilities !!!! NO FAIR!!!!!................ I am truly looking
forward to Saturday evening !!!!
Endo… or Exo… ummmm…. Are you referring to my HOT FLASHES????? Or
that warm cuddly feeling????? UMMM>>> I shall think about it !!!!
My girls came over after my conferences last night & we played a game & snacked
but rest assured I guarded the ice cream so it is still intact,,,,but ….I am afraid that I
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may be tempted to have a taste tonight after school to celebrate the end of
conferences!!!!!!
Hope you have a great day !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Linda
From: XXX@comcast.net [mailto:XXX@comcast.net]
Sent: Wednesday, March 09, 2005 1:44 PM
To: , Linda
Subject: Re: I appreciate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3/11 she replies:
Hi Richard ...Cook#2........ but #1 in shrimp scampi!!!!
I ate some ice cream before i went back to school for conferences !!!! ( not alot but just
enough to satisfy my craving...just knowing it was there waiting .......)
I LOVE reading your messages !!!! They make me smile & feel very special>>>>Thank you
for your niceness !!!!
I am glad that you sent it to my house too ...when I checked the computer I was hapy to read
it agian!!!!! See...you get credit 2 times !!!!..............I feel very happy !!!!! Linda
....OH....................>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>PS.......................I think "gentle kisses
are so very nice.....I think they are good to see if there is a "chemical reaction"!!!!!! One can
neveer have enough of them.............
She replied:
Good Morning Richard L…….
Well….I think you should flip the coin awhile & decide what it is that you might
feel like cooking…..Your spinach sounded very good,,,that’s how I cook I put stuff
together & sometimes it comes out so perfect but of course I cannot remember exzctly
what I did because I just dit it!!!!!!...............You can let me know so that I can
accumulate soemof the ingredients for you!!!! Enough about food…..
Remembert that I am going to the shower inPA …it ends at 4… so how shall we
determine a time???? OH I LOVE Will Smith !!!!! & James Garner alos!!!!!!!
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I have atool kit & in it is a tape measure….I will remembetr to take it out & keep my
distance ,,,ok????
Have a good one…..I am glad tomorrow is almost here !!!! Linda L.
Linda
Hi Richard ...Cook#2........ but #1 in shrimp scampi!!!!
I ate some ice cream before i went back to school for conferences !!!! ( not alot but just
enough to satisfy my craving...just knowing it was there waiting .......)
I LOVE reading your messages !!!! They make me smile & feel very special>>>>Thank you
for your niceness !!!!
I am glad that you sent it to my house too ...when I checked the computer I was hapy to read
it agian!!!!! See...you get credit 2 times !!!!..............I feel very happy !!!!! Linda
....OH....................>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>PS.......................I think "gentle kisses
are so very nice.....I think they are good to see if there is a "chemical reaction"!!!!!! One can
neveer have enough of them.............
3/11 I replied:
Subject: Re: You succumbed!!!!
Hi Linda who succumbed,
Good Morning to you!!!!! Really now, you let a little container sitting in your freezer exercise power
over you. Wow!!! If I could only figure out how to affect you like that ice cream and be irrestible!!!
So which item on the menu would you like for Saturday evening? or shall I flip coins for a half hour to
decide?
I made chicken breast fillet tonight for dinner with my son--nothing fancy--just tastie. But the sauteed
spinach was out of this world--never tasted so good. Trying to remember how I made it so tastie.
Enough about food. Are you getting ready for the easter bunny? is he a big part in your life? I like him
when he hops and when I could eat chocolate, I used to like to nibble on his ears. What's the thing with
your ears anyway? I like to make you smile and I think you've had at least two or three so far.
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I'll save up a few gentle kisses just in case I can't help myself. I mean you could help me a lot if you
stayed away from me at least by 5 feet at all times. the closer i get to you, the more I want those gentle
kisses and they could be very exothermic.
Am looking forward to our Saturday date. What do you think about the movie, Hitch? with will smith I
believe?
Sending you a few kisses and hugs,
Richard L from Middletown (#1 scampi man)
Subject: PS>>>>>>>>>>>>
Date: Fri, 11 Mar 2005 13:25:24 +0000
I forgot to do spell check on the message I just sent !!!! Sorry….I just cannot type to
well,,,,I think perhaps my fingers are too fat for the keys & I hit 2 at a time !!!!!
Linda
Subject: Re: Skinny fingers and thumbs
Date: Sat, 12 Mar 2005 05:14:15 +0000
Hi Skinnny fingers Linda
Good moring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm glad you liked all that jazz. I love the music too. Yes, I noticed your typing
is getting better--must be because of the work out you gave your fingers. The
thumb exercises are the most exhausting so I'm told. Twittle, twittle,
twittle!!!!
Anyway, have a safe and fun trip. Will hear from you later in the day. It's 908625-2195 so you don't have to loook it upp. And it's ok to call me now since
we did the gentle sweet kisses. Uhmm!!!! Take some with you and think about
them often. I'm going to bring my own tape measure just to check yours--no
cheating.
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Sweet dreams and gentle kisses and hugs!!!!
Richard in Middletown
oh, what's your middle name? you didn't tell me, did you? It's not Priscilla, is
it? No can't be! More like Beth or Ruth?
Subject: WHEW!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Sat, 12 Mar 2005 04:35:06 +0000
Hello Richard!!!!
My fingers are completely exhausted....they spent hours at the gym trying to trim down.....If
you notice I am wearing gloves tomorrow you will be wise not mention it!!!!!!!!
I LOVED the play.....AND ALL THAT JAZZ>>>>>>>I cannot get the song out of my head
!!!!!!!!! I think I'll have to bye the cd so I can learn all the words & ALL THAT JAZZ!!!!!!!
UMMMM>>>>>>>>> I do believe that I have a large pot !!!!!!....& I see my steamer thing at
one point this week but I am not sure exactly where !!!!
I will check in the morning to make sure I have your # on my phone ,,,if not I will email you &
tell you or somethign &&&& ALL THA JAZZ!!!!...Well....I am getting a bit tired so i will close
but rest assured I already have the tape measure out on the counter !!!!!!!!! So Until tomorrow
I remain....Linda with HOPEFULLY skinnier fingers!!!!! &&ALL THAT JAZZ!!!!!! (mis my typing
better ???)
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CHAPTER V -- MORE DATES
I went to her place and made dinner—spinach spaghetti with basil tomato sauce and shrimp
prepared with a little butter and garlic. It was fantastic. We hung out in her living room and
teased about her not having the tape measure and that we should sit 5’ apart from each other.
We made out, but she limited things to gentle kisses—no tongue stuff and she let me know
that she only knows me for a week which isn’t enough time to get very intimate.
I mentioned class and there’s not much more I could do other than cream in my pants. So it
was an evening of hugs and kisses. I left around 1:30 am.
Subject: I FORGOT!!!!!!!!!
Date: Sun, 13 Mar 2005 16:42:02 +0000
Dear Richard # 1 cook in my book!!!!
Gues what ???????? I for got to notice that there were no cucumbers in the salad !!!!!! At least I do not
remember anY!!!! &&& Here I thought that I woudl never love a salad unl;ess it had them!!!! So, You have
already changed one of my opinions!!!!
Thank you so for a really great evening!!!!! & I too am already anticipating Wednesday!!!!!! I am feeling quite
useless ...never cooking or anything!!!! We will have to think of somoething that I can do too!!! Don't forget the
cookie recipe !!!!!
My friend Maureen is coming over later to talk & all....so if your ears start ringing you will know why!!!!!!
YOu know >>???? I think they put dye in water & that is how the sunflowers are red !!!! They look so
great...Maybe you can be Sir Richard Red Sunflower Mna !!!!!!
I thouhg that you'd be sleeping until noon today!!!!!! I am done eith the gym & the parents so I can just get my
chores done & enjoy my visit !!!!!
You styill make me smile...........Linda Lynn..........
ps.......My dad saw you picture & he sdid have a ???......he wanted to lknow if you had a sense of humor !!!!!! I
told OF COURSE !!!! You should read the emials that he sends me !!!!!! .....but of course again.,,,he won't !!!!!!!!
She followed up with:
Subject: I forgot something elase @!!!!
Date: Sun, 13 Mar 2005 16:43:56 +0000
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Subject: Re: Scare you away?????
Hi Ms Sweetie Sunflower Linda,
You don't mind if I call you sweetie, do you? Anyway, what could I possibly do to scare you away?
Please tell me so I never do it!!!
Yes, I'll bring the ingredients for desert--walnut/pine nut cookies. Do you have eggs? and real butter as
opposed to margarine? How do cookies go with swiss almond ice cream??? uhm!!!uhm!!!
Did you gloat at work today? Or did the shrimp not make it to today?
So you thought you'd never like a salad without cucumbers? I never realized that I don't have cucumbers
in the salad until you mentioned them. Always thought something was missing, but wasn't sure what it
was.
So what would you like Cook #2 to make for dinner Wed evening? More sunflowers and ???? fish?
chicken? King Crab?
kisses (sweet gentle ones), and hugs
Richard Le XXX #1 in Shrimp dishes and hopefully gentle kisses
You don't read these emails to your first graders, do you??? Just wondering!!!!
I am sorry about the too fast thing ,,,but I just don't want yuou to scare me away!!!!! I like
seeing you too much for that !!!!
I wrote her:
HI El Sweetie Gloater of the Primary School system,
Just could see ya there shyly eating your shrimp and curds too, Little Miss Muffet.
with all the spiders watching.
I'm glad all messages are being posted. Maybe spark up someone else's romance.
Real butter is great. Do you have some honey, honey sweetie? Now I'm getting
melodramatic. Do you have a basic receipt for cookies? Cookie Sheet?
The color of the eggs doesn't matter unless you'd like to easter egg color them
too. Easter!!!!! HOW about we have an easter egg hunt at your place?
So ya think they just feed dye to the sunflowers? HOW Disappointing--I thought
they were special!!!!
Whut time Wednesday evening??? If I remember, I'm going to bring along a video
tape--the tape measure didn't work, we'll try a different type of tape, otherwise
I'm going to have to start teasing you.
Richard L (chief shrimp man) and home of the original gentle sweet kisses and
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great hugs.
Subject: I Gloated!!!!!!!
Date: Tue, 15 Mar 2005 13:19:08 +0000
Good Morning Sir Richard ( of gentle kissing fame)!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh YES…..I was a gloater yesterday!!!! I made Salad ( but not like yours just tossed ),Oh
& put the shrimp in it ,,,,,,,,,,& it was so delicious !!!!! & I made sure that everyone
noticed,,,,hard to do actually because I am so shy & withdrawn
Oh !!!! I am excited about dinner !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can decide,,,I just do not like raw
fish…lamb….weal….& I guess now I even “ do “ like sheep & goat cheese
!!!!!!...............YES>>.I have real egss,,,&( do they have to be white or brown????) I will
have real butter too…& I can get the IC too. Do I need brown sugar ???/ I have that too! &
ALL THAT JAZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oops!!!! That just slipped out……MaryJane made a copy for
me so I am listening !!!!!!!!
Well…once again I am looking forward to seeing you!!!!.................Linda …alias “Sweetie
“(very nice, but I wouldn’t want it be Tweedy!!!!)
Ps….Of course the first grader are not privy to my messages ….I only post them in teachers’
room so everyone will know what is happening in this romance !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Linda
Subject: Re: el Gloater!!!!!!!
Real butter is great. Do you have some honey, honey sweetie? Now I'm getting melodramatic. Do you
have a basic receipt for cookies? Cookie Sheet?
The color of the eggs doesn't matter unless you'd like to easter egg color them too. Easter!!!!! HOW
about we have an easter egg hunt at your place?
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So ya think they just feed dye to the sunflowers? HOW Disappointing--I thought they were special!!!!
Whut time Wednesday evening??? If I remember, I'm going to bring along a video tape--the tape
measure didn't work, we'll try a different type of tape, otherwise I'm going to have to start teasing you.
Richard L (chief shrimp man) and home of the original gentle sweet kisses and great hugs.
Subject: Re: Bonjour!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Sweetie Linda,
Now I'm getting melodramatic. Not much time to write--a busy day. Anyway, how's about 7:00pm, but
I won't know for sure until the day unravels. Do you have vanilla extract?
Kisses and hugs,
Richard………………….Good time & Of course I have vanilla extract !!!! I like to
bake !!!! See you later…..I can’t wait to see the Little Black Bag again!!!!!
Linda
Richard sir chief Extrodinaire,
Subject: RE: Bonjour!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Wed, 16 Mar 2005 14:22:41 +0000
Good morning Sir Chef extradinaire………
Sorry I did get back to you but I could not write or read on my home computer !!!!!
& of course I was just so so busy here yesterday that I only j=had to time to read *=&
reread you message !!!!!!!!
Yes, honey, I have honey !!!!! ( in a little bear bottle !!!) I never use it !!......I have
eggs & butter(the REAL) thing & ice cream & cookies sheets (of course !!!!!!) & an
oven & sugar & ummmm a tape measure too!!!!!
What time ????? I don’t know….what time is good for you???? You can email me
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here or call my classroom directly….732-761-2100…ext.2445 & I will answer if I am
in the room if I am not in the room I will not answer because I will be at another spot
in the building !!!!!................................Anxiously anticipating this evening !!!! Linda
the Lucky One !!!!
Linda
Subject: Re: el Gloater!!!!!!!
Real butter is great. Do you have some honey, honey sweetie? Now I'm getting melodramatic. Do you
have a basic receipt for cookies? Cookie Sheet?
The color of the eggs doesn't matter unless you'd like to easter egg color them too. Easter!!!!! HOW
about we have an easter egg hunt at your place?
So ya think they just feed dye to the sunflowers? HOW Disappointing--I thought they were special!!!!
Whut time Wednesday evening??? If I remember, I'm going to bring along a video tape--the tape
measure didn't work, we'll try a different type of tape, otherwise I'm going to have to start teasing you.
Richard L (chief shrimp man) and home of the original gentle sweet kisses and great hugs.
We got together for dinner at her place. I out did myself again with a great tasting dinner—made basal
fish in a butter, wine and lemon sauce. We then went into her living room and ended up making out. I
brought along a couple feathers that I introduced to her. She likes the gentle touch of the feathers. Made
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it to first base. I feel like I’m in high school again. Left around 10:30 since she gets up early and didn’t
feel like getting teased any more. I told her that when we make love that I was going to tease her. She
waited to hear how as I said that I would not enter her—just tease her to the point she had to have me.
She didn’t object to the thought. She wrote me the next morning—St Patrick’s day:
Dear Richard ( Master of feathering!!!)
Last night was a delight !!!!!!!!! Delicious, sensual, & cuddly !!!!!!!!!!
I did want to get up this morning but I did & remembered to wear my green…(
thought about putting the green feather in my hair but decided it would be too
bawdy looking !!!!)
I am jealous that you are probably lounging about while I am doing some very
serious work here in Freehold !!!!!!!!!
Thank you again for ANOTHER deviously fun evening !!!!!!!!!
Linda ( still embracing those feathery touches)
Linda
She followed up with a correction:
Subject: RE: Last feathery night !!!!!!!!!!!!
Spell check made ma mistake……deliciously in the last paragraph…not deviously!!!!!
Linda
Subject: I LOVE games !!!!!!
Date: Fri, 18 Mar 2005 11:56:52 +0000
Dear Cookie Monster,,OH!!! I mean Richard the feather hearted !!!!
I didnot think the cookies were bland but perhaps i am just not used to the honey!!!!!
Fear not!!! Just in case you thought that I might have lost the featers,,,,I put them
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in a very safe place!!!! SIGH!!!!!! Only problem is ......I hope I can remember where it
si!!!!!!!
Well,,,needless to say...I am pining away from lack of feathering !!!!! However, I
think that I may have mentioned to you that I work in Princeton about 4 - 5
weekends a year to score the Praxis exams,,,,&&& Guess what ???? YEP!!!! I am
working Sat & Sun in Princeton 8:30 -5 !!!!!! Alas....I fear that will infringe upon our
behaving as teenagers in the midst of family memebers !!!!
So I remain Linda your avid fan !!!!!!!!!
I replied:
Subject: Re: Hi Pinner !!!!!!
Hi Pinning Linda
Not too many cookies left. The monster attacked them.
Didn't have the fish for breakfast. Was so full I skipped breakfast, attacked the cookies for lunch and ate
the fish for dinner. Made some chicken breast fillet for Andrew in bacon grease (after poured out all the
grease)--was phenominal (ate a tiny piece to sample)
Anyway, are you available Saturday evening after you get back from the big P for games--(cards,
dominoes etc with parents?) or do you want to save me for a special occassion.
Sweet kisses and hugs (not to be posted in public nor for public scrutiny)
Richard the Lion Feather Hearted (great chef of shrimps and fishes)
Hi Richrd the Feather hearted>>>>>>>>>..
Oh How I do enjoy Friday afternoon <<<>>> But alas…..I really do not have any
days off!!!!! I have to get up early both days !!!!! but,,,,nor 5:41, but 6:15…..because
they give us food !!!!
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I will be home about 6 tomorrow !!! so…what do you think??? I do believe that we
may have to actually speak if we make a plan, but if you are busy with your son…No
problem!!!!!
I am going to search for my other cookie recipe so I can try that next time !!
UMMMMMM………..So am I pining or pinning ????/ I thought that if I were
pinning I would be using a pointy instrument because I would double my consonant
because of the short vowel I !!! but I dropped my e & added my “ing” so I could pine
away!!
Until later I remain once more Linda pining to be at the boardwalk !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Linda
I sent her the following:
Subject: Re: Hi Pinner !!!!!!
Hi Pinning Linda
Not too many cookies left. The monster attacked them.
Didn't have the fish for breakfast. Was so full I skipped breakfast, attacked the cookies for lunch and ate
the fish for dinner. Made some chicken breast fillet for Andrew in bacon grease (after poured out all the
grease)--was phenominal (ate a tiny piece to sample)
Anyway, are you available Saturday evening after you get back from the big P for games--(cards,
dominoes etc with parents?) or do you want to save me for a special occassion.
Sweet kisses and hugs (not to be posted in public nor for public scrutiny)
Richard the Lion Feather Hearted (great chef of shrimps and fishes)
She replied:
Subject: Yeah !!!!!!! Friday afternoon !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Date: Fri, 18 Mar 2005 18:37:14 +0000
Hi Richard the Feather hearted>>>>>>>>>..
Oh How I do enjoy Friday afternoon <<<>>> But alas…..I really do not have any
days off!!!!! I have to get up early both days !!!!! but,,,,nor 5:41, but 6:15…..because
they give us food !!!!
I will be home about 6 tomorrow !!! so…what do you think??? I do believe that we
may have to actually speak if we make a plan, but if you are busy with your son…No
problem!!!!!
I am going to search for my other cookie recipe so I can try that next time !!
UMMMMMM………..So am I pining or pinning ????/ I thought that if I were
pinning I would be using a pointy instrument because I would double my consonant
because of the short vowel I !!! but I dropped my e & added my “ing” so I could pine
away!!
Until later I remain once more Linda pining to be at the boardwalk !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Linda
She replied:
Subject: OK!!!!!!!
Date: Sat, 19 Mar 2005 03:19:12 +0000
Dear Richard.....I must be brief......my computer is being very disagreeable @@@@@
It keeps shutting off !!!!!........I shall wait to hear from you since thou art so busy with
factories & smoke stacks & such!!!! So out of my relm!!!!!! However, I was most
pleased to hear from you!!!!........I went out wioth teachers after aschool & imbibed !!!!
( horrors@@!!!!) & then came home & let the poochies relieve themselves & then ran
over to the parents mmmthen returned & made broccoli rabe & pasta while I
coreographed a dance to ALL THAT JAZZ!!!!!!!!!v
so busy DL........
ps//////I was going to do spell check but I just got another thing that says going to CUT you off!!!!! so I am
sending ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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We were to meet for dinner at my place after she got off from work on Saturday. At 5:00 pm she left me
a message that she was tied up in traffic because of an accident. I called her and we flirted on the phone.
I sent her kisses on her neck and promised to do her ears.
I called her later when she got home and we made a date for Monday evening at my place for dinner and
dominoes. She emailed me:
Dear Richard the COOK!!!!!!!!!!!!
You made my Saturday eveniong so much better !!!!!! thank you
again!.....Well at least I have one thing to put in my bag for Monday
.....UMMMM>>>>>> I shall think very hard & try to think of something else
too!!!! I am looking forward to being back in My Hometown!!!!!!!! Can't wait
!!!! Linda formally of Middletown...( Not thong !!!!)
I replied:
Subject: Re: Dominoes !!!!!!!!
Date: Sun, 20 Mar 2005 04:02:39 +0000
Hi Linda
I seee your computer isw working again==at least for a little while.
Go to programs, then accessories, then system tools and then select disk clean up
and disk defragment. Run both, doesn't matter which one first.
So what shall Chef Richard make for Monday evening. I hope food made in my
pots tastes as good as your pots. See it's really not my cooking--it's your pots.
Dominoes. I forgot how to play. You'll teach me right???
You can bring the cookie reciept or is it receipt. The cookie monster came and ate
the last of my cookies.
Glad I made your trip home today more enjoyable. I hope you like the kisses on
your neck. So when are you going to show me what happens when you get lots of
them on your ears?
Don't know why you make such a big thing about this thong thing, afterall you
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have it in your profile as doing the thong thing.
Hugs and sweet kisses,
Richard the lion hearted feather man
ps didn't get any kisses from your last email--miss them
She sent me some kisses and hugs on a text message on my cell phone and then
late in the day, wrote this one: Dear Richard the COOK!!!!!!!!!!!!
You made my Saturday eveniong so much better !!!!!! thank you
again!.....Well at least I have one thing to put in my bag for Monday
.....UMMMM>>>>>> I shall think very hard & try to think of something else
too!!!! I am looking forward to being back in My Hometown!!!!!!!! Can't wait
!!!! Linda formally of Middletown...( Not thong !!!!)
Linda
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CHAPTER VI -- INTIMACY BEGINS
I invited her for dinner and she brought cards and dominoes. I made dinner and
we ate in the living room in front of the burning fire place with a candle on the
table--very romantic. After I won at both cards and dominoes we settled down to
kisses and hugs on the couch. She needs to know more about me before she gets
physically intimate so we played an alphabet game. For each of the 26 letters
starting of course with A, we used a descriptive word that described us. Getting
physically intimate with her will be a challenge. I advanced to undoing her bra,
kissing her breasts and putting my hand down the back of her pants to caress her
tush. I sense that she wants to make love as much as me, but…. When I cross a
boundary and touch her breasts, she gently resists by taking he hand to remove
my hand and I say, “You know you want me to touch you there!” It seems to work
in that she eventually gives me that level of progress. I told her that we definitely
have an endothermic relationship and she asked, “why?”
I replied, “If it were exothermic, we’d have made love a long time ago. It’s
endothermic because we’re putting a lot of energy into this kissing stuff and
hopefully one day, our relationship will ignite.
After she left, I composed the following email:
Subject: Re: Dominoes and cards!!!!!!!!
Date: Tue, 22 Mar 2005 05:02:10 +0000
Hi Sweetie Linda,
You make my heart sing! Wild thing!! OR WAS THAT WILD THONG???
Remember that song?
Anyway, I kinda of feel that way after I see ya!!!!
You make my heart sing and my couch separate!!!!!!!!
Glad you visited Middletown. Too bad you had to leave so early but I know you
have to get up so early. So early!!! I'll still be snoozing--S for snoozing--long after
you've gotten up.
Hope you can make it Friday night, if not how about Wednesday evening? They
say you shouldn't date the same person more than once a week. Did you hear
about that rule. Just wonder what's it's porpose is!!!!
Had a great time tonight. Didn't realize I was so great as a cook, dominoe and
card player. We should play strip poker. It would simply be fun. Don't you think?
128
A for always
B for because
C for cupcake
D for delerious about ya
E for eager but can't be too eager
F for fun
G for great
H for High
I for me, myself and you
J for jack of hearts
K for king of diamonds
L for loyality
M for much
N for yes
O for Ohhhh!!
P for Peace
Q for Questions
R for Regal
S for snoozing
T for tops
U for us
V for victory
W for winner of cards and dominoes
X for xdelicious
Y for you
Z for zapetite
Kisses, hugs and more
Richard The Feathered hearted Cook of chicken, fish and shrimp and winner of
dominoes and gin rummy.
She emailed me:
Good Morning Richard Boaster of Gaming Skills !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am very glad that I have a positive affect upon you !!!!! I had a lovely evening &
am so very happy that I came to visit you!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>>WILD THING THING THING !!!!!!!! However, I’d hardly classify myself
as “wild” !!!!
129
Well…. I am certainly certain that we must have a rematch at these games!!!
&&& Of course , perhaps we could one day play the more important game of 500
rummy!!!!!
Oh !!! By the way by the time I got home I was ready for some Ice Cream & thought
about your freezer !!!!! How Funny!!!!!...but since it was so early I immediately went
to bed & got my beauty rest….I guess we are on different clocks,,,I had thought that I
would try & leave a .little after 10 but I was one hour later & you thought that I left
early & I thought that I left late !!!!!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,so see we do have some opposites (for
O)…
I never heard about that rule!!!! Where are the list of dating rules ??? ,,,,,,,,,,,I will
be talking to Maureen tonight & see if we are still on or if her social life has improved
& we are not on!!!!! But, If I am going over to her house , I think we could break the
rule & see each other Wed. instead,,,if that is ok….I am going to a health store at
Foodtown after school today for the rice flour & buttermilk !!!!!
Linda
I replied:
Subject: Re: Boaster??? !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Linda the mistaken,
Did i ever boast that I won four out of seven hands of rummy? Or that i won three out of five dominos?
Or that I won playing your cards? or that I won playing with your dominos? Did I ever boast? Now I ask
you, did I ever ever boast? maybe I should have. Afterall, they were your dominos and cards. and you
ask for a rematch??? Really??? How about monopoly? I know, you like scrable and would love to beat
my pants off--slip of the tongue--its a colloquialism.
Rules: Yes, it's in the rule book. I researched it on the internet. "Rules for men to follow while dating
women" produced by Collier Encyclopaedia
Rule #1--avoid more than one date per week. They site that even though it might be tempting, to have
more than one date per week could significantly contribute to being taken advantage of. Makes senses
doesn't it?
Oh!!! we forgot to make the ginger tea last night. And I can't believe that I forgot to add the grated
sheep's milk cheese to the salad. Must have been because you got me all distracted--being so pretty and
all.
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So which is it? Wednesday night or Friday night or both? And what about the rules?
We talked by phone. She did not receive the message. Later I learned I sent it to her work address.
HI Linda the near winner of many games,
I see your computer is working a little bit.
Bo HOo, you didn't receive my fantastic message where I repeated many times
that I didn't boast about winning everything we played and that I had such limited
experience in game playing and could not see how it possible for you to have lost
as many games as you did and that I'm not a boaster, but..... Just pulling your leg
and I bet you have beautiful legs since you work out a lot.
So I'm a bit confused by your message. Is it that only the movies won't work for
tonight or that nothing will work for tonight? And then there's FRiday. If it's an
issue, we can just skip Friday and maybe do something Monday night again and
plan better for the following week end. Let me know.
Kisses, hugs, and ......
Richard, who won a few games with beginner's luck, the feather hearted guy from
Middletown.
-------------- Original message --------------
Dear Richard the Night Owl .....
No !!! I did not recievce the message so I have been crying all morning but finnally
stopped enough so I could write & tell you@@@!@!...........I jsut got back from food
store & Now I am running to the parent s for lunch & then the gym & then back here
to put food awqay & then CVLEAN!!!!!!............I domnot thionk movies is going to
work out for tonight !!!!! I guess I will wait to haear from you now !!!!!! 00000 &
XXXXXX....from Linda they hyper person todasy@@@@@
Then she sent another:
Dear Richard.....the Skillful.....
Hola & all that jazz !!!!!! I am NOW more than eagar to play again@!!!!.......
I just thought the movies would be too late tonight because I have to get up so early
& all but......as the day progressed I am dealing with intestines that have decided to
become uncooperative again!!!! i don't feel badly I can eat careful thiongs ( stuff you
can't !!!) BUT.....I cannot roam far from the Powder Room!!! ( I am trying to put the
situation in a delicate mode !!!!!!) This is something that I have to deal with
occassionally becausae of the colitis/kromes that I seem to have......HOWEVER!!!!! I
feel ok & I am sure I will be back to NORMAL by morning !!!! SO>>>>> I am think
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ing that I owuld not be such good company this evening...I am sorry because I was
really looking forwards to seeing you!!!
Do the rules specify anything about having a chat on the telephone ?>>>
I did visit my parents & of course I told them all about Richard the Feartherhearted
Boaster !!!!! They were very impressed!!!!
WQW!!!!! I just real;ized that I wrote alot & I did not get kicked off yet !!!! Perhaps
I shoi=ulds send now before I lose all my good typing !!!!!
Linda.......the Disappointed ...........00000& XXXXX's.......
We talked by phone and she emailed me later:
Subject: Re: Bo hoo Boo Hoo!!!!!
Date: Wed, 23 Mar 2005 22:07:56 +0000
Dear Linda the wounded one,
Sooory to hear about your thing with your tummy. Did you in some way feel like you were between a rock and
a hard place or something was like damn if you do and damn if you don't today? Or that you were stuck into
something about which felt that you couldn't do anything? I know--serious questions.
I will miss your companionship, your witt and your skillful playfullness tonight. Will call ya later on.
Guess, I'll just go home, let out the dogs, cats, and the guniea pigs and hope they all run away and never
come back.
Miss ya,
Feather hearted winner of just a few games,
Richard
XXXXXX OOOOOOhhhh!
Options still open,
we can skip dinner, go to movie, or skop (a Linda thing) movie and play rematch cards and dominoes-actually a 500 game. Plus do you know you made a close reference to thongs again? "something about careful
eating thiongs"
Really, with all this teasing, I'll be disappointed if I never see ya in ya thiongs.
Then we talked by phone around 8:00pm. Because of the distance, it was too late
to do anything that evening so I didn’t suggest it.
I got to work and received this message:
Subject: RE: Boaster??? !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Thu, 24 Mar 2005 13:14:02 +0000
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Hi Richard the Featherhearted & Master of Understandingness!!!
You sent the email here to school so I got a surprise!!!!!!!!! Thank you …..&& I know I
forgot all about the ginger tea too//……I guess I was distracted but the letter
“h”……………..I think Friday evening has to be dedicated to Maureen….. we are
getting together about 630 ish & I doubt that I will be able to get away very early…..
after all you have given me so much to talk about & she will have to tell me more
about belly buster @!!!!!...............If I get the flour this afternoon I will try & make the
cookies tonight after I go to the tax lady/…OH!!!!!!!!!! How did I get Italics ????????
UMMMM>>>> I thinknI like them !!!!!!........’’’’’’’’’’’So…maybe tomorrow we could meet
up in Red Bank for a little….It could be around lunch time or after my appointment..but
I don’t want to intrude ion your time so If it is a not good we c an make another time …I
will preserve the cookies if I get them done !!!!!!!!!!!
Well rested & feeling fine Linda……………………..))0000000& XXXXXXXXXXX’s for you
Linda
Subject: RE: Missed seeing ya last night !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Thu, 24 Mar 2005 15:18:09 +0000
Then I emailed her this one:
Hi Linda Sweetie
Really missed you last evening. Did you say you're coming around 3:00 for your
Riverview apt?
Well, let me see!!! I have the whole day off for as much fun as we can stand. So if
you came around 8:00am or sometime thereafter, you'd get Richard's world
famous omlet or pancakes, or french toast, or porrage. And then you'd get a taste
of Richard's exercise program with yoga or mini trampoline (rebounding) Actually,
the order is reveresed as we do movement before breakfast.
If it's a georgous day, and you are good to me, you'd get a walk by the ocean, or
through a park. And then, if you haven't changed your mind about antiques, you'd
get a personal tour through the antique center of Red Bank and somewhere in
there a tour through Richard's office.
And then, you'd get chauffered to Riverview and dropped back at Richard's pad for
a real game of 500 rummy, or
Whoops, forgot lunch. Well I generally don't eat lunch, but I'd never impose that
habit on anyone else, so somewhere in there is a scrumptous lunch. Menu yet to
be announced. Or perhaps a tea house,
By then, it would be time to leave to your dinner engagement and we'd part with
some gentle soft kisses and a hug that's remembered a long long time.
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Kisses and hugs
Richard
of course, this is a full day offer or it can be partialled any way that you like. I'm
Mr Flexible.
p.s. I hope you didn't effort mentally over making the decision about Friday night
with either your friend or me--no between a rock and hard place thinking--I hope.
I hope it was an easy decision.
Oh forgot one thong! We could find time for a trip to Victoria Secrets's thong
department--it's just down the street--I hang out there all the time. Caught you-you're smiling and thinking, "you devil."
She called me in the afternoon. I invited her for an overnighter and she declined
using her dogs as an excuse. We agreed to start the day around 10:00 am and to
meet at my office.
She emailed me later on:
Subject: Re: Huray!!!!
Date: Fri, 25 Mar 2005 04:02:31 +0000
Hello Richard from Middletown....( & winner of games)....I am very much looking
forward to tomorrow too!!!!!! I will eat breakfast early before you arise I am
sure !!!!!! & go tot the gym with a full stomach !!!!! However, I may get hungry
later on !!!!! So Beware !!!!!.......I will call when i get off the parkway & start to
arrive at my desinated destination!!!!!! 210 Broad Street !!!!........Now I must get
my BEAUTY REST!!!!!!!!!!!! Until tomorrow Linda who has returned to
Middletown !!!!!!
As I was reading the message, I was wondering where my kisses were and noticed
another email from her:
Subject: OOPS!!!!!!!!
Date: Fri, 25 Mar 2005 04:03:27 +0000
134
OOOOOOOO & XXXXXXX"S too !!!!!!!!!
We hung out for the day going to antique shops and had lunch in a nearby
breakfast place. She brought me a container of special cookies and they were
fantastic. Then she left for a dinner date with a friend. While at her friend s place
she emailed me:
’Hi
!!!!! Ihad a good time today!!!! thank you!! I am at Muareens & My compouter completrely
broke down ...my cousinis coming in the morning to take it& me to the computer
store...................so....don't send me an email because I willnot get it !!!!! perhaps I will will call
you when I get home if it is not too late !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 000000 & XXXXX's Linda
Subject: RE: TGIF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Fri, 1 Apr 2005 19:25:28 +0000
AHHH Richard ( with Good Ideas !!!)
Of course I like pizza !!! but…………what will you eat ?????...................&&& I
shall have to look for something loose yet informal, modest yet fun, cool yet hot
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Linda…. Thinking & thinking ….What to wear !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????!!!!!!!!
Oops…0000000000 & XXXXXXXXXXX’s
Linda
Hi Linda with her newly fixated computer
Maybe I'm your first email.
Do you remember which drive way or shall we do the call me thong? You can call me anyway when
you're about 20 minutes away so I can order the pizza for your approximate arrival time.
Richard with some XXXXXXXXXXXX and some OOOOOOOOOO;s saved fir ya.
She didn’t get the email, but did call me about 15 minutes before arriving anyway.
I ordered the pizza and picked up my mother. She, my mother, my son and I
played a game of 500 rummy. Then I showed her my refrigerator freezer stocked
with rows and rows of Haagen Daz ice cream—even the ice cube maker was full of
ice cream--and then I took my son and my mother to their respective homes and
135
she and I went dancing at a singles function, had a great time, and returned to my
place where she had her car. We kissed a bit and then she left. She emailed me:
Subject: Good Morning !!!!!!
Date: Sat, 2 Apr 2005 15:43:22 +0000
Hi Richard of NO ICE CUBES!!!!!!!n ( who would have thought that there was anyone in the whole
United States who did not have one teeny tiny ice cube in their houose ???) I thionk I shouild enter
you name into the Book of Records !!!!! Perhaps I could collect a royalty !!!!!
I had sucha fun eveniogn!!!! Thank you !!!! Soorry abouot the "Key" thing !!!! They must have fallen
out when i put my pocketbook under the seat ,,,,
Welll I am off to the gym & then other chores to be done !!!!
Linda with those dancing feet & winning hands !!! ( at cards of course !!!!) ))) & XXXX's
Subject: Re: Good Afternoon !!!!!!
Date: Sat, 02 Apr 2005 19:04:30 +0000
136
Hi Linda,
near winner of big rummy game and bestest of ALL dancers. I just have a feeling
that whatever we do together will be the best it can be. What do you thinkith? Not
to say we wouldn't want to take lessons anyway, even our lessions in whatever
subject would be the bestest it couldeth be. Getting too philosiphical here.
My internet connection is flaking me so I hope you get this.
Book of records, indeed. Ice cubes, ice cubes, some people need them badly, what
can I say. My life is fine being free of ice cubes, unless of course, you--near winner
of rummy would like them for when you visiit. Then, it's (correct it's as in it is)
move over Hagen dazz and in comes the cubes.
Have chores will travel,
kisses and hugs til Monday evening.
remember to check on your movie
Richard (not so cold since I don't have ice cubes to keep me in coldness) till we
rummy again. You like winning don't you? I mean you really like winning, don't
you?
Subject: Saturday................
Date: Sun, 3 Apr 2005 03:30:23 +0000
Hi Richard !!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
So how was your saturday????? I hope that you had a good "rainy" one !!!!!!
I only got soaked 2 times so I guess that waas pretty good !!!!!!!!!!!! ..........I madw
such a good dinner this evenign for the parents & uncle....& he brought me a BIG
bottle of red wine !!!!! ( & I brought it hom,e///// & when I got here ...Bad Harley got
out of the cqar & took off !!!!!!! ( OH !!!! My typing reminds me that I do believer that
you are purpopsely typing errors for me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is that
true??????)///....................Well....back to the main idea ...Harley did return after about
an hour!!!!! & Coco & I accepted his apologies & let him back into our abode !
However, I do worry when he does this , especially on dark rainy nights !!!! since he
is not a light color !!!!!! But he is back,,,,
So..... I told my Dad about your ice cube problem !!!!!! &&& he cautioned me
!!!!! Men who do not like ice cubes may be trouble ~~!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~ but I assured
him that you are not adversr to the cube but it is just that you do not have ROOM for
the cube !!!!!! &&&&&&&&&&& since he is a great advocate of I.C. he
immmediately understood & said it is ok if I continue to keep company with you!!!!!
137
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....... such a relief !!!!
So...... I must ask you this & i do not wish to be a apin or anything associated with
painness ........................ but ,,,,, will you be able to act asd my escort for the wedding
on the "10th" ????? It is next Sunday. If yes...."YEAH".....If not...."OK"........so
....ummmmm.... I do hate being a pain!!!!! &&&&&&&&&&&&& by the way
///////GUESS WHAT!!!!!??????????????????????/ I did win something last night
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How totally exciting !!!!!!!! I will tell what is was or is after I go back
to school,,,,,,my message just said you won but not the BIGGY!!!!!.........so,,,,,, I anm
very excited !!!
Both of my girls are in Atlantic City tonight 7 I am hoping that they win lots & lots &
lots of $$$$$$$$............I will not call them or bother thwem aso that they can
concentrate & become millionaires & then give some of the extra $$$$ to their Mom!!!!!!
so she can go tot the mall & buy new thigns (thongs) for summmer!!!!!
Oopps ~!!!!! Sorry I have been rambling on & on& on!!!!!! Linda Looking forwards to
our next rondez vous.( my computer does not type en francais !!!!!)
Linda......000 &
XXXX's
I emailed her:
Hi Linda of my dreams,
Yes, I dreameth of you last night. You were in royal blue with a royal blue hat. How so you. It was a
frilly dress. You were baking cookies, yes that's what you were doing. And then I saw this feather from
out of no where float into the room and land on your royal blue hat. It was a red feather. Can you beat
that???? What did it mean????
Regarding weddings: I developed a fear--you can understand why more than anyone, right? Well, so, the
answer is that I'm really going to need your help. I'm going to need you so much to help me, otherwise
I'll never be able to attend any weddings.
But, I'll go to the weeeding if you promise. NOw you must promise to help me. It's so delicate that I
can't put it in an email. It will have to wait until tonight after dinner as I don't think I can say it even on
an empty stomach.
By the way, I have a great menu planned for tonight.
Richard (the one who sends you kisses and hugs all the time XXXXXXX 000000 multiplied by a
million or so. AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And it totally untrue about the ice cube thing. You can not speculate on one's personna re his ice cube
thong. Now, if I weighed 310# (of course you wouldn't even gotten to gentle kisses with me and
138
understandilby so) you might have a point about ice cubes vs ice cream. They both start with ice. But
that not being the case (I don't weigh one more pound than I want to weigh), it just isn't true.
Emphatically stated.
Still Richard with many hugs for you--you dancer of all dancers.
She replied:
Hello Richard ………
So much protesting !!!!!
Well…..what is on the menu??? Do I need to get anything?? I have a meeting after
school today , ,,,,,,will you be arriving @ 7??? That would be good got me & Just in
time for Jeopardy!!!!!!.................I am very curious about this wedding thing!!!!!
UMMMM>>>> Perhaps I could find you a tape to relax you!!!!..............Busy times & I
still have not done my report cards !!!!! I seemed to be able to find lots of other
chores to do so I was unable to do them….Now I am getting down to the wire !!!!!’’’’
Until later….I remain Linda of the blue dress!
Linda
Subject: RE: Menu
HI Linda of the Blue Dress (sounds kinda funky country western--oh no Willie nelson)
Do you like blu cheese?
7:00pm it is.
HOW is the Hagen dazz inventory, should I bring some?
139
I'll bring everything else,
YOu have eggs and butter?
Richard
She replied:
Subject: RE: Menu
Date: Mon, 4 Apr 2005 17:45:25 +0000
I have eggs & butter & there is enough ice cream !!!!!!!!!!!!! See you!
Linda
We got together, had dinner and then played a game of checkers—she lost badly.
Then we played 500 rummy and she beat me badly. We finished the night with kisses
and more—but not a lot more.
Dear Richard the Kinged…
I am so happy that you, liked my egg & butter !!!! I did make them special you
know !!!!!
I really like your dinner again!!!! ( & lunch too!!!)
Thank you gain for the flowers …so springy
I plan to call in sick on the Museum day so the time is fine with me…. &&&& I will
try & remember to keep my fingers & toes crossed for good weather for Friday….How
I ,love going to the boardwalk & talking about all the unusual people there !!!!
(UMMMMM>>>>.I wonder if they think that about me !!!!)……………….but if it is not
balmy perhaps we could go tot the movies ..I’d like to see the one with Kevin Costner
…something about anger I think….How about you?
Now I must close & try & get some of these report cards done…I just cannot seem
to get myself to do them & time is running out !!!!!!!!!!!!
140
Linda…Looking forward to FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Linda
Subject: Re:Rich's last letter
Date: Thu, 07 Apr 2005 20:14:16 +0000
Hi Honey Linda,
I've been snoockered (new word). I couldn't open any mail last night and today at
work, it didn't work either. finally it worked just in time to get bob's last letter. He
really had the spirit of things didn't he? He supported his lovely wife until his end.
I'm sure she appreciated all that encouragement which is why she gave him ever
lasting peace. YOu must admit, he wasn't a pig as he didn't insist on sex.
But, I'm not that way with you, am I? You're more that way--very supportative-with me, aren't you?
What time shalll we connect tomorrow? I should be free (I mean expensive)
around 4 o'clock. We could do a little board walk thing in the nasty rain and you
could hold this big ass umbrella that I have for the both of us. Then you could
make me a fully cooked dinner and take me to the movies or DANCING IN SHORT
HILLS....
WHAT DO YOU SAY ABOUT THAT MAIN PLAN? i HATE IT WHEN i hit the caps
button.
Guess what's due tomorrow! REPORT CARDS!!!!! Do I get one?
missin ya
This is my last letter for the afternoon.
Richard of feather hearted lane, Middletown, NJ
Maybe if there's rain, we can catch an afternoon Kevin movie or go to the mall and
play rats if you're free early on.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh...Um....
Subject: Fwd: Bob's last letter
Date: Wed, 6 Apr 2005 22:28:41 +0000
141
I just thaought taht this was so so so appropirate for people our age
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Subject: Fw: BOB'S LAST LETTER
READ TO THE VERY END, AN IMPORTANT LESSON IS LEARNED.
Dear Friends: It is important for men to remember that as women grow
older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of
housekeeping as they did when they were younger.
When men notice this, they should try not to yell. Let me relate how
I handle the situation. When I got laid off from my consulting job and took "early
retirement" in April, it became necessary for Nancy to get a full-time job, both
for extra income and for health benefits that we need. It was shortly after
she started working that I noticed that she was beginning to show her
age.
I usually get home from fishing or hunting about the same time she
gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always
says that she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts supper.
I try not to yell, instead I tell her to take her time and just wake
me when she finally does get supper on the table.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating.
It is now not unusual for them to sit on the table
for several hours after supper. I do what I can by reminding her
several times each evening that they aren't cleaning themselves.
I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to help her get them done before
she goes to bed.
Now that she is older she seems to get tired so much more quickly.
Our washer and dryer are in the basement. Sometimes she says she
just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of
142
this. As long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening I am willing
to overlook it. Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to
wear to the Monday lodge meeting or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker club
or to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling or something like that, I will tell
her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing. This gives her little
more time to do some of those odds and ends things like shampooing the
dog, vacuuming or dusting.
Also, if I have had a really good day fishing, this allows her to gut and
scale the fish at a more leisurely pace. Nancy is starting to complain
occasionally. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find
time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.
In spite of her complaining, Icontinue to try to offer encouragement.
I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days.
That way she won't have to rush so much.
I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then
wouldn't hurt her any, if you know what I mean.
When doing simple jobs she seems to think she needs more rest periods.
She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard.
I try not to embarrass her when she needs these little extra rest breaks.
I tell her to fix herself a nice, big cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade
and just sit for a while.
I tell her that as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make
one for me and take her break by the hammock so she can talk with me
until I fall asleep.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Nancy
on a daily basis. I'm not saying that the ability to show this much
considerationis easy. Many men will find it difficult.
Some will find it impossible.
No one knows better than I do how frustrating women can become as they
get older. However, guys, even if you just yell at your wife a little
less often because of this article, I will consider that writing it was
worthwhile
143
Signed, Bob
Bob's funeral was on Saturday, January 25th.
Nancy was acquitted Monday, January 27th.
Subject: HOW SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Thu, 7 Apr 2005 23:05:07 +0000
Oh Richard !!!!! How sad I was to read that that was your last letter !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am awaiting
the arrival of my troops !!!!! Both my girls & their boys are coming over & we are goinmg to eat some
pizza & then p[lay games !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! &&&&& my girls & I really like to
win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( UMMM>>>> but I think you probably know that already!!!!!)
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You do not get a report card !!!!!!!!!! ( at least not YET!!!!) but I am
happy to report that I finally completed the task last night & so today I felt like floting !!!!!!
I won't get home until just about before 4 ~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!! But I LOVE your thought about the
boardwalk anyway!!!!! but we have to see if it is really miserable !!!! I do not think it will be
!!!!!......................... I would rather see the movie than dance.....( since I am thinking that we weill be
dancers on Sunday !!!) OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thjat reminds me !!!!!! I have to tell you something
else in tthat category when I see you !!!! Now you know so you will have to remiond me in caae I
forget !!!!!!..................Well.....now i must go & get the table ready for GAME NIGHT!!!!!!!.............I
am looking forward to you participating in one of these evenings with us !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Linda ,,,,,Finisher of the dreaded R.C. & missing you!!!!!!!!
Subject: Hola Domino Man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Sun, 10 Apr 2005 00:06:21 +0000
Happy Saturday Richard,,,,,the Domino Man !!!!! HEY!!!!! i just got a thought !!!!!
perhaps you could get a part-time job with Dominos Pizza ~~~~~ They copuld "Here
Comes the Domino Champ!!!!"....... Everyone would want to have you as their
delivery "BOY"........ Just a thought for the future if you need abohter job!!!!!
How was your Saturday ???? I am finally getting ready to sit down 7 relax
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEWAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had sucha good,,,,very good .... time last night !!!! Thank you thank you & thank
you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am really loking forward tos eeing you tomorrwo but of course I am
also nervous because I hate putting someone in a position where they may not feel
comfortable but >>>> I promise I will stick close & be with you the WHOKLE time
144
....UMMM>>>> I hope that you will not try & scrape me off !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I amgoing to try & do my best to prepare myself for the "dress up " me....... I will
get the dress, shoes, etc...ready now 7 do girls things like nails 7 eyebrows!!!!!
OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Until tomorrow I remain Linda the near winner at Dominos ~~~~~
145
CHAPTER VII THE WEDDING TRIP AND THE INTIMACY STEP
I took her and her parents to a wedding in Pennsylvania. She was the navigator
and I was the pilot. En route we held hand and played with a strange word, durst.
She commented on how she dislikes the word because she though that durst
should mean having a lot of things, but in reality it’s a noun meaning a few things-a durst of oranges meaning few oranges, for example. So eventually I said she
was a durst ball and we just had a lot of fun chatting as we drove and listening to
various xfm stations. We got to the wedding without a hitch other than being just
a few minutes late—no big deal. But she got us lost for a half hour after the
wedding en route to the reception which I busted her and insisted that she make
two batches of cookies for me as her payment for messing up as navigator. During
a lull at the reception, I took her for a romantic stroll around the grounds. She
also hurt her foot shortly after the dancing began, but persevered to the end and
we danced our hearts out.
Later that evening after we returned to her place. We—after our tenth date—finally
became physical intimacy. But it wasn’t easy or natural. She played a game with
me for an hour or so before she gave it up. You’d think it’s a one in a life-time
thing. As good as it eventually was, I should have know that this would just be a
game to be repeated on a more often basis than I desired.
Afterwards, we just languished in the after glow and as I was leaving she
announced that she needed to have a chat with me. I asked what about—acting
dumb—for it was about step two in our relationship. After we got dressed and
kissed some more I confirmed that we both felt good about each other at this
juncture and nothing happened for which she would feel badly about. Early the
next day, I emailed her the following:
Subject: Re: your foot and more
Gooood moorining Linda,
How durst (wrong usage) is thy foot? Do you have a plethora of pain or a durst amount of pain?
Thought I'd drop you an email from home because it only works a durst amount of time at work.
Amongst all wonderful great things that happened yesterday and last night, we forgot to plan for another
"get together" either at your home or mine. And I was wondering all the way home what you want to
discuss. I thinketh that it has something to do with step number 2? Durst (wrong usage) we get together
tonite or Wednesday evening? or later Tuesday evening?
Guess what? We were together all day and played less than a durst of games yesterday---no rummy--no
dominoes--no word game to or fro.
146
I durst must go for now (wrong usage but it just sounded interesting)
The Richard who has two batches coming (could have been one or zero) had someone remembered to
negotiate, but with a durst amount of negotiaton it stands at two batches of cookies.
She replied with:
Hi Richard the Suave….
A wonderful time ..yesterday!!!!!!!!!!! I am so glad that you were able to
“escort” me … How lonely I would hjave been out on the dance floor with out a
partner !!!!////& I never before left a party to go for a walk !!!!! Very suave of
you!!!!!!
My foot has a swollen bump on the right side, I had trouble walking on it this
morning. I had to wear my sneakers & that helped a littlew. I went to see the
school nurse & suggested that I might get it x-rayed, then she wrapped an ace
bandage & that also helped. I will see her agaijn before school is over & decide
if the x-ray is a necessary evil…..I have a meeting aftere school & I ‘d much
rather not go for it !!! But I want it get better because >>>>>How am I going to
go to the gym!!!!!!!!?????????????
No fair about my lack of knowledge about being able to negotiate!!!!!!!!!!!!! If
only I had known !!!!!!!!!!!!...........well…This evening would not be a very good
choice so we
May have to wait until Wednesday!!!!!..... Of course the talk is about strp 2
!!!!!! I am quite sure you knew that !!!! Just my concerns etc……..
So kids are returning so I will sign off……………
I hope you have a dearth of problems todasy@!!!!!!
Linda,,,,,,,00000 & XXXXX’s
Subject: tonight’s not good either.
HI Diannee of my dreams
Tonight's not good either--much work to do. Can't get on the net at work, so I came home.
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Terrible about your foot--you have my good wishes for a rapid foot recovery. Do you remember how it
got booo bood?
Derst as opposed to durst (wrong spelling) Maybe it's a word that means a lot of something.
I'm going to make my salad and then honker down to do some cd recording work.
Richard who sends you a plethora of XXXXXXXXXX, OOOOOOOOOOOO, uhms...too, many hugs
and more.
She replied:
Subject: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Mon, 11 Apr 2005 23:51:36 +0000
HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! &&&& the YEAH is not because tonight is not good but because I am almost
walking normally !!!!! I am still aced bandaged but I think it is much easier to walk!!!!! I shall
take it off when I go to sllep & then I believe in the morning ,,,,Imwill be 90%...........&&&
perhaps ready for the gym by Thjursday!!!!!!!...........................I miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! D
0000000& XXXXXX's too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I replied:
Subject: So Glad for You!!!!!!!!!!!
Dee Dee (new nick name?)
So glad you only have a dearth of pain. How do you get your foot in the shoe with the bandage or did
you cut out the side of the shoe to fit the bandage?
What color is the bandage? Have many people signed it yet?
Gym by Thursday may be pushing it, but guess you can try to see if it gets aggravated.
Sooooo are we on for Wednesday evening? Dinner and a movie, or dinner and rummy, or dinner and
walk on board walk, or dinner and crochet, or dinner and ?????? or dinner and desert?
Miss you too,
R with XXXXXXXXXXXXX OOOOOOOOO's and more.
Subject: RE: So glad for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Tue, 12 Apr 2005 12:05:05 +0000
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Dear Richard…..Giver of new Nicknames !!!!!!!
I think Wed. will be g but probably dinner & a game of something!!!!! Although I ‘d
really like that walk on the boardwalk
But I know it is still too too chilly,,,,that’s why spring is not \
My favorite time of year !!!!! As a matter of fact I am in my classroom
& I am freezing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My fingers & nose have frostbite!!!!!!!
!
My foot is just a little sore today but I have it wrapped Up & it is very happy
because it is the warmest part of my body!!!!!
So……..let me know the time & what we should concoct for our
repast……………….Have a great day!!!!!!!!!
D D ( why use extra letters ????) Energy conscious DD 00000&XXXX”s 2 U
Linda
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CHAPTER VIII -- SETTLING INTO RELATIONSHIP
I went to her place for dinner. We played the big set of dominoes. I let her win two out of three games
and she rewarded me with mucho mucho love. The next day I wrote her:
Hi Honey Dianne winner of the big dominoe game.
I left my dominoes in Linda land.
Forgot to tell you I did a dearth of searching yesterday and couldn't find the tickets to the musuem next
Friday. Today I did a dearth more and found them--whew!!!!!!!!!
So we have an extra ticket for anyone you think would like it. He/she can ride your Harley down and
meet us there or go along with us in z car.
Will plan on you getting here fully fed and eager to play z big games around 7:00pm tomorrow eveing
(tonight by the time you read this)??
My email at work is still on z fritz and the one at home fritzes now and then.
Richard who sends you mucho mucho in the way of XXXXXXXXXX and many OOOOOOOOOOOO
and lots of uhmmmmmmm!!!!!!!
We met for a foot massage on Saturday morning. She had just come from getting her hair cut and felt
inadequate since she forgot her ear rings and thought her head looked like a pineapple. Ladies, don’t
ever make excuses—you’ll just give your date something to doubt about you. Get creative. I don’t have
an answer as to how to be creative, but don’t suggest to me that your head looks like a pineapple. Do
you want me to look at you and think of pineapples? Anyway, I kinda like this gal enough to get beyond
her feelings of inadequacy.
Because of other commitments, we didn’t connect over the weekend except for an hour or so when we
got our foot massage. My son came along and it was more of a business thing than a fun thing.
I emailed her later in the evening:
Hi My Foot Bath COMPANION Linda
How are your footskeis today??? Now we know what we missed last month. That bath should have
cured your boo boo on your foot.
And how is thy pineapple head???? I love pineapple and can't wait until I can eat it again. Can I eat your
pineapple?
Are you keeping my dominoes good company--I hope so.
Today was a beautiful day. Being that I didn't get to bed until 2:00am I slept til 11:00am. Went jogging
in the afternoon and beat my son at a few games of tennis. He actully lost one game because he didn't let
the ball go out of bounds.
Uhmmmm! WHAT WOULD YOUR TASTE BUDS LIKE FOR DINNER BEFORE YOU LOSE at
dominoes? I left them with your for a reason.
Ohhhhh almost forgot to tell ya, made some delicious chicken soup over the week end--had to eat it
myself since Andrew doesn't like soup--but then he hasn't tried mine.
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So I'll try to get to your place by about 6:45 or 7 with salad in hand and a real desire for rematch. Do
you have rice and butter and lemon and some kisses for me? I hope so!!!!!!
Been missin ya, Kisses, hugs and more XXXXXXXXXX OOOOOO uhmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!
Richard winner at tennis and great soup maker
p.s. when can I move in with ya? And remember Dali Friday
Couldn’t resist the opportunity to bust on the move in thing.
She emailed me:
HOLA Richard !!!!!!!
& Bolder too!!!! Do you
like it ????? I am loving it !!!!.... I hope that I can remember it !!!!!
How cool is this print ?????? I will make it biggre!!!!
SO>>>> I have the sniffles !!!!! YUK!!!! but better now & get
it over with !!!!! (((( OH my GOD!!!!! I ended a sentence witha
preposition!!!!!)))) I hope that does affect my eternal
destiny!!!!!!!!!! BUT... to continue....What an absolutley
wonderful day!@!!!!!!! I went to church & then to the resevoir &
walked 5 miles ( with tissues of course !!!) & then came home &
cleaned & cleaned & cleaned & then called Susan & we walked the
dogs for about 1 1/2 hours !!!!! She showed me another place
nearby that is townhouses & now I wan tot move !!!!! I will go by
periodically 7 see if I see any "FOR SALE" signs !!!>>>>> I
love thios type!!!!<<<<<<<< UMMM>>>> Oh YES!!!!!
The main reason for my mesage !!!!!!! My Feet are so so so so soft
!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy with them!!!! even after walking so much
today!!!!! I am going to have to start treating them to some
special care so that they continue in this state !!!!.......well....I guess
that is the extent of my news....I am going to get my "VICKS" so I
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can breathe tomight & go to bed early & get rid of the blasted cold
!!!!!...............Linda Domino dona!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then later she emailed me again:
Good Morning Richard ( He who “thinks” he will win the rematch!!!!
Yes Yes & Yes…I have lemon butter & rice !!!!!!!!!! Let me know if you want me to
pick something up at the store…& that time is just fine !!!!
Today I am reintroducing my feet to shoes….no sneakers !!!! I walked so much
yesterday !!!! I loved it !
A Warning: I still have a stuffy nose !!!! Just in case you are afraid of germs & the
rematch !!!!!! ( That can be your out so you could put off the rematch!!!!)
Time for me to do some school work …..See you soon !!!!!!!!!
Linda,,,with shoes & a desire to win again!!!!!!!!!!
We met for dinner and a rematch of dominoes and this time I equaled the score so we’re at two out of
three games each. Will have to have at least one more night to see who is champ. We then got close and
personal.
Next day I emailed her:
Hello Linda giver of infectious diseases,
I am sneezing and sneezing, but honestly don't think it's from anything but you. I am so blessed to see
you, I win two out of three to tie for the domino championship, even though the dominoes stayed in your
stead fast scruitny, and I get this wonderful spring sneeze--it's so refreshing.
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I can't wait until I see you Wednesday evening to see what you giveth me next. Must remember to bring
the book so we can see if we're matched opposites. And I keep forgetting to bring the nutritiional thing
about forgettfulness for your mother--get it--I keep forgetting to bring the thing about forgetting.
Richard the winner of round # of the N J dominoe championships national division
She emailed me back a song of woe. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and make everything OK.
Dear Richard...... I will NOT entertain any more of your telling ME that i am a
GLOATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU are the GLOATER!!!!!!!!!!!!! &&&& Rightly so...but
there is always another day !!!!!! && We have yet to play 500 rummy (as 2) or
Scrabble !!!!! So......I am not ready to fold!!!!!!!!
I had an incredibly busay day!!!! 4 parent, principal, cst , meetings ........Parents
to the dr., .... A hysterical daughter.... a detour & I am the lead car not knowing
where ot go!!!!.........&&& I could not find the station on my tv to watch the "Horse
Whisperer" !!!!!!! Alas!!!!!!!!!! Not one of my best days !!!!!!......but....it was sunny &
warm!!!!!! I am ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
U<MMMMMM..... I think tht is the summation of my day !!! OH NO!!!!!! it is not
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I spoke to Maureen ....or Moreen ....or moreen or however
you say it ....... & she said that it was not her input but Judy;s !!!!!!! So...now I guess
I ahve speak to Judy!!!!!.......but ,,,for future reference,,,Maureen does have some very
cool & inovative idea s1!!!!!!............Anyway...i am fading & I certainly apologize for
inflicting you with the sneezes or any other unpleasant bodily function!!!!!! (
However, I , personally like sneezing !!!!!)..................The very sad , despondant,
depressed, lathargic loser of the DOMINO game...............Linda
She called me in the afternoon to cancel out date as she had emergencies with her two daughters. She
emailed me later:
Helloooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! Richard >>>>>
Well..... I am feeling so much better.....I was so anxious & worried about
Hilary,,,,but we got to talk tonight by ourselves a littlw bit & I am relieved , certainly
ot happy, but the stress is dripping away!!!!!...Poor Ab....she looks like someone shot
her in the forehead !!!!!! TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But we did not speak about the
ugliness,,,,,I reviewed her resume & we talked about the interview saet for Friday in
NYC.....I have my fingers crossed for her !!!!!!!!!!! SO>>>>>>>>>> we shared lots of
tears & laughs & we all feeling better,,,Of coure I stil have the parent problems but
that is another story...ONE at a time!!!!!!!
I missed seeing you today !!!!! BUT>>>I am so looknig forward to Friday,,,, we will
be spendoing alot ofd timeagain!!!!!!! OH!!!! Am I going to be the navigator ??????
&&& if so,,,,, will you be supplying a map??????
Tomorrow will be very busy for me since I will have to leave plans for Friday & also
have my plans for the week after the week off completed too! &&& at 2:40 ( Please
sdend me positive stuff if you can) I will be meeting with the principal & the parent
of a child that i think should be retained !!!!! Uh -OH!!!!!
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I hope that I didn't xause you any embarrassment or anything this afternoon!!!! I
onllywant ed to let you know as soon as I found out ,,&& I thought that you just
might have your phone turned off so that then I could just leave a meessage a7 talk
to you later &&&&& of course I am sorry abpout the change in plans too!!!!
SO>>>>>> now I am totally mentally & emotionally exhausted !!!!! & i am going to
sleep & sleep well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Linda!!!!!! XXXXXX & 0000000's
Hi Diannneee,
Missed you too! Glad you feelin better. Look forward to Friday too.
No embarrassment this afternoon.
Don’t know what to say about the child that needs to be retained other than it’s best for him/her as the
child will be lost and suffer more embarrassment if advanced.
Hope the dominoes have been behaving themselves.
Richard who is missin you!!!!!!!! Many many kisses and hugs too.
She emailed me:
HELLLLOOOOOOO RICHARD!!!!!!
I feel like i havennot seen you in about 100 year s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you still look
the same ?????......................I waas going to call you but I d id not want to wake
you up!!!!! I feel very giddy because i am playing hhookkyy!!!!!
I got home just awhile ago... after Evelyn & I had dinner I came home & then
Ab callled & we ended up going tot he mall to buy a suitable "interview " outfit !!!!
& then we stopped at Chili's for a snck & to talk about what we bought !!!! Kind
of a fun night !!!!!!!!!!!!! but now ai am thinking about tomorrow & i am excited
!!!!!!!
So......I finally ge tto se you tomorrow !!!!!! & we will be acquiring culture
too!!!!!..............should I bring anything?????.......well...I would have callled but I
am embarrassed after the last time I callled ytou!!!!! So I am doing this instead
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.............................so now * I am going to recline & read since
I do not have to wake up at the breask of dawn!!!!!!!!!!!!
I asm so looking forward to tomorrow !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!L
We had a date and took one of her friends with us. Her friend must have been horny as she made a
couple sexual comments—one was that a jar of jelly with a cloth for the top instead of a lid, we saw at a
vendor’s booth, had a condom on it. Too bad I didn’t have a great comment; I kind of let it go by with,
“someone’s thinking a lot about sex.” Maybe she wanted to test me to see if I’d be loyal to Linda.
Linda and I have a great time and I don’t see any reason to complicate things unless Linda invites her
friend to complicate things and that just won’t happen so I’m safe.
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Hi Richard !!!!!!!!!!
I have to tell you this,,,,just in case I forget !!!!!!!!!!!!! Now you have
to remember it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! guess what ????????????/ I was giving
the dogs the left over Cornish hen meat & I FOUND!!!!!! The teeny tine
wishbone ~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!! So...I am drying it out 7 on Wed......and
on WED. we can use it and make a wish!!!!!!................so.... start
thinking !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Linda the archeologist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How was the bithday?
Forgot, you're playing hookie all week. I sent email to your work this morning--no
wonder I didn't hear from ya.
If I can break loose from work, want to get together earlier on Wednesday and
play minerature golf?
Richard who is having withdrawals
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX 00000000000000
Hi Richard!!!! Not playing HOOKY!!!!!! Just rejuvinating for the fianl
onslaught!!!!!!!!!!!!! &&& Sure ....let me know if you can!!!! Do you win at Min.Golf
too???? D 00000&XXXXXXXXX's
Na, not very good at it.
XXXXXXX 00000000000
Linda who makes me laugh
or is it hookie?
Since you're so busy playing hooky, would you like to come for dinner tonight?
Richard who can't play too much hooky but can send kisses and win an occasional
game
She called to tell me she was busy so we’ll get together Wednesday.
Wednesday: We met for a romantic movie, then played a game of dominoes at her place, went to a stock
holder’s meeting in a company that I have some stock, and came back to her place.
155
CHAPTER IX -- TEST #1
I didn’t feed her enough so she heated up a mini pizza pie. Finally it was just she and I and I was horny.
She commented on how much she enjoys talking to me and didn’t’ want to stop. Every time I’d get
romantic she’d say, “Let’s just lie here close to each other.”
“Jesus Christ,” I was thinking and said so. My rationale was that it had been almost a week since we
were together and it would be another week before we had an opportunity to be together again. She was
stead fast with her butt grinding away in a sexual manner. I realized that she was testing. She needed
validation that I want more from her than sex and I called her on it. I let her know that I didn’t
appreciate her using me for validation. I just wanted to leave and was thinking that if I did she’d only
think I wanted her for sex. I grabbed her butt and told her no moving or teasing and eventually left.
After I drove away I got pissed. She told me she had little sex with her husband of 30 years because he
rarely wanted it. “Maybe this is why,” I thought. She probably played the same confusing game with
him and he got pissed. I told her no masturbating after I left. But this was the same control thing I had
with my ex, but at least my ex waited until we got married to play her sexual control game.
I was pissed all the way home—I think I already wrote that. I decided my reaction would be to test her
and not call or communicate with her and tell her I was testing her. One consolation was that I had not
stopped my relationship with my friend in Brooklyn and was still fishing on match. I masturbated
myself to sleep, and woke up at 3:30 am and couldn’t get back to sleep. All night my options were
running through my mind:
As I agitated I decided to write an email:
Three options:
1.
end our relationship
2.
come clean with my thinking
3.
test her
And I was going to ask which she wanted me to do. Then I realized that she probably doesn’t even
realize what the hell she did.
So around 6:00am I decided to follow through with the plans we made for the weekend but I’d probably
be a bit cool since I don’t know how to pretend I wasn’t’ affected. My ultimate plan was to next time we
get hot and heavy for me to tell her she was a bad girl the other night after I left and take her hand and
place her forefinger on her clitoris and tell her she was bad because she masturbated after I left. I intend
to get her hot and heavy and tell her that she has a strike against her and that testing me to validate her is
a no no and the next time she does it, I’m leaving and it’ll be another strike against her. Three strikes
and I am out. Or we’ll do the flip the coin thing or I’ll suggest we forget about food for a day and just
hug. Some way I plan to get my feelings across and no more loss of sleep over lack of sex.
So I emailed her early this morning with a matter of fact email
Linda,
Lets make it Saturday evening. Dancing is in Edison
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Richard
She replied later on with:
Dear Richard.........I had really nice time last night!!!! Plus.....I get to have my wish
come true.!!!!!!!!!!!! Saturday will be good for me !!! let me know about the time & all
ok??? I have to get ready for my trip to the playhouse !!!!!!!! D
I emailed her back:
Subject dancing
Hi Linda,
How was the play?
How about 5:00 or 5:30 Saturday evening?
Richard
XXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxx000000000000000
I didn’t write much, still pissed, but it seems that I was more attached to the
relationship than was healthy and something is gone. I have to take Dave
Angello’s advice and stop being so damn nice and nice guys don’t get laid. Maybe
her husband was a nice guy.
She emailed me:
Hi Richard !!!!!!!!!!
You are a man of "FEW" words!!!!! Are you saving them for Scrabble
?????........... I am in the state of distress right now...... I went to the
p[arents ' for dinner & when I got home the poochies jumped out of the car
before I could hook them up.....Coco stayed 7 he is here but Harlewy is
missing in action now for about 65 minutes !!!!! i am starting to get
worried but he has always returned when this happened inthte past so i am
trying to remain calm !!!!!!!
Do you want me to bring anything tomorrow ????? let me know
!..................Also.....I am in a quandry ( good word !!!!.....if I spellled it
correctly!!) I want to wear a sleeveless shirt & skirt for the dancing part
but I will have to wear a coveritup thing for earlier!!!!!! You are making
this very difficult for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK>>>> I am going to check
the front sdoor again!!!!! d
A few minutes later she emails:
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All dogs have been located and are safely bedded down for the
evening.....................details tomorrow!!!!!!!!!! Cool..... I like that i can change.....is that
really ok?????/..................D &&& 00000& XXXXX's too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We planned a date at my place. She expected to have dinner with my son,
mother, and me. And then we were going to play cards. I told her I had a surprise
for her before she came which intrigued her and she had no idea how pissed I
was.
I prepared myself mentally to have it be the last date and that we’d part as
friends. It turned out that my son made plans so I never invited my mother over
for dinner and games. The surprise was that I was gong to give Linda a massage.
She told me during our last date that she never had a massage and was intrigued
that I knew how to give one.
She arrived a few minutes late dressed in a sexy skirt for dancing. We sat in the
living room looking at the news clips on the computer and then I told her that my
son was out and that it was just she and me and the plan was that we’d have
dinner later and then go dancing. I then told her that the surprise was a massage
and got up and walked toward the bathroom as she followed. I gave her a towel
and showed her the bathroom. She came into the bedroom a few minutes later
draped with the towel and I had her lie on the bed. She was going to lie on her
back and I instructed her to lie on her stomach.
I had warmed the oil prior to her arrival to avoid that cold shock from the oil. I
gently moved the towel down from her back to her butt and legs as I worked on
her shoulders and back. I had her lie with her head at the foot of the bed and after
a while I kneeled in front of her and massaged her back and shoulders as I
breathed gently on her neck. I stretched and ran my hands into her panties and
massaged her butt and commented on it being solid. Then I positioned myself on
my knees straddling her body on the bed and massaged her legs and thighs—she
enjoyed it. By now the towel was gone and her panties were half way down her
butt. I figured I’d get her excited and do nothing—that was my game plan—a
lesson taught in reverse.
Her body was incredibly gorgeous, full and firm. Her legs were those of a
teenager—not a woman in her late 50’s. Even though we had made love about
three times at her place on her couch, I never really got to see her gorgeous body.
I sensed it was great, but never really got a good view.
I had her roll over for a frontal massage. She commented on my intentions. I said
nothing and massaged her breasts along with her stomach, arms, and legs. Now I
158
was kneeling aside the bed and we gently began kissing and ended up with an
incredible romantic experience.
I was glad I didn’t let my ego keep me from this great lovin whether we’d resolve
our problem or not. I told her that I had a problem with being tested and told her
she has one strike against her. I suggested that rather than having potential
power plays that we flip coins. She couldn’t’ quite see that working—too
impersonal.
I told her that what she did at her place triggered feelings I had in my marriage
and that my ex wife would tell her that I always got my way. I went on to say that
before we got married, we’d make love 6 or 7 times a week and after we got
married we only made love once or twice a week. I asked, “If I was always getting
my way, then why did we only make love twice a week? She got her way 5 out of
7 times. “
I kept looking at how beautiful she was—her body perfect and looking straight on
her face that of an angel. Even though my ex is a beautiful woman, I could never
imagine myself with such a gorgeous woman as Linda is. I’ve always been
attracted to petite and this is the first time in my life I have petite, beauty, and
sexy in one woman.
Then we got dressed and made dinner together. After dinner we were going
dancing but she was having such a good time being with me and visa versa that
we opted to stay and play some rummy. I popped the cork on some champagne
and I toasted to the coin flip. She again expressed hesitancy. I pointed out that
we flipped the coin to choose rummy or dominoes and she didn’t think the two
decisions were similar.
I told her that I felt she used me without telling me—she was testing me like a
student and I didn’t agree to be tested. That instead of her just making a
unilateral decision it should have been a discussion. I pointed out that if I won the
toss and she didn’t feel like love making that if after ten minutes she wasn’t
turned on I’d punt. I also noted how even thought she just wanted to cuddle and
talk, her butt was gyrating her vagina right at my penis. She said she had no
control over it which I believed her.
I had a pendulum on the table which she noticed and asked about. I showed her
how it works and then asked her to ask the pendulum if she had the hots for me.
It swung wildly in the yes direction and she looked slightly embarrassed like I had
touched a deep secret.
She told me that I was so analytical about the last time we were together and I
responded that it’s good that I was because my first inclination was to break up
159
with her. And then went on to say that I efforted all night long as to what to do
and how to handle it. I did—I got only an hour sleep that night and was a wreck
the next day. Then my next thought was to make a date and break it to test her if
she still liked me.
She said it was “tit for tat,” and I agreed and said that’s why I didn’t take that
action.
My third option was to discuss the issue and give her strike one. We had seen the
movie, Some kind of love” and the strike thing was used in the movie
I was lucky with cards and beat her badly in rummy. We then held each other and
caressed each other and kissed for almost an hour until my son called to be picked
up at the movie house. We parted as lovers do.
She noted that she expected that she’d be divorced no more than a year before
she’d find the man she wanted to marry, but then her friend has been divorced
twelve years and is still looking. It’s been three years since her divorce and she’s
dated two men in that time—not counting a few single dates—and was concerned
that it would be more difficult than she expected to find that one person. “It
should be an easy thing to find someone who wants the same thing as me,” she
said. I agreed and thought to my self that I’ve dated about six women, made love
with four and if Linda is the one, I’ll be fortunate. I can just see myself on the
beach with this gorgeous teenage looking body next to me—not that mine is so old
looking—it could pass for a thirty year old.
And then I realized that this could be the last chapter in my book. Do I want to get
to know other women and make love to others? Why, if I have everything I want
in one woman?
In the meantime, I have a date with my friend in Brooklyn tomorrow night and a
date with my friend from Maryland the next night as I figured that this would be
my last night with Linda. So I’m not committed yet, would like to see how the coin
toss works before I commit.
She emailed me later that evening:
Hi Richard ( the Winner with no sympathy!!!)............I am back here safe & sound &
reveling in the lovely time I had tonight !!!! I enjoyed my self & I really enjoyed spending
time with you.........You make me feel very special & swept off my feet !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So
good !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Linda the congenial LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Linda I have lots of sympathy and didn't gloat. Just lucky cards tonight and overall
a very lucky night. I really do enjoy time with you--it goes so quickly.
And you have such small pretty little feets and am glad to sweep you off them. I'm
glad you feel special because in spite of what others say about you, you are a very
special person--I know it--I believe it, and it is true!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here's one vote for flipping the coin, and maybe a sleep over (not moving in--just
a sleep over) Lots of holding, cuddling, touching, kissing.....
Love, kisses, hugs and hopefully for a long long time
Richard the winner of rummy last night.
p.s. I don't know any others who say things about you--just in case you were
wondering.
Later I emailed her again:
Linda who played hooky all week!!!!!!!
How does it feel to be a person contributing to society instead of one playing
Hooky?
Oh Oh, this Saturday the dance is at the shadowbrook. Want to Go?
Oh and there's this piece of paper on my coffee table that says D 130 and R 520,
what does it mean?
Love and hugs,
Richard with many kisses and back rubs XXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxx00000000
Hi Richard !!!!!!!!
Well…Saturday sounds good to me!!!! Yes I feel like a productive part of society
today!!!!! Such a GREAT feeling.
Oh… those numbers ??????? I think that perhaps they are our weights in kilograms
!!!!! What do you think????
Linda
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I emailed her”
subject: forgot to ask
Are you available for Wednesday evening?????????--but not for a replay of last
Wednesday!!!!!!!!!! Would like to take you to Captain Eds and have a replay of last
night with me getting the massage.
Wednesday was my birthday
She disappointed me by writing:
Dear Richard !!!!!
I just turned onthe computer after correcting last week's tests & I found the
message I sent to you after school was sent back to me !!!! I typed a wrong letter in
comcast part !!!!!!
Icannot do tomorrow because it is not just me & my student teacher but Rhonda &
her girl are also partof our going away party!! i am so sorry!!!!..
Maureen went out on a meeting on Suday & she is a happy person,,,,there was
CHEMISTRY!!!!!!!! Theya re going ouot again tomorrrow too!!!!!......My job tongiht was
to go onto Match so i can see what he looks like.....I shall try aafter this but I don't
think I can get on thre anymore so I she toel me that I can just browse(UMMMM a
very good word !!!! BROWSE......&&&that reminds me ...Hilary ws over last night for a
while & we played Scrabble 7 I lost so badly!!!!!!!!!! I just kept getting vowel after
vowel !!!!!!!!!!....I guess this my week for losing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I walked the reservoir 7 i am so so tired & I thionk I got a blister
too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.............000000000000& XXXXXXXXXXX's from the wounded loser of
the week!!!!! D
And I replied:
Hi Linda,
Your typing skills caught up with you.
Have fun.
How many batches of cookies do I get?
Miss ya,
Richard
OH Richard!!!!!!!!!!!!!! happy haappy late birthday to you!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well....how luckt for
you to find something tht hat you can particiapate in & also enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yummy!!!!!!...................Good dinner & the young girls are fun to bewith ...so ready for new
things !!!!!!!!!!!!! We all had a nicetime....Well.....I guess now I ahve to start baking !!!!!!!!
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it will be a long tiome for me to make enough to make up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..........sso........ I send
you lots Of XXXXXXXXXXX 's & 000000000000000000000:"s I am looking forward
to seeing you again& presenting you with some cookies....even tought hey cannot compete
with BROWNIES because I have to use RICE flour !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO
FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! D
We got together Saturday evening and it was great. She took me to dinner for my birthday
and then we went to her place, made a desert for Mother’s Day, went dancing for an hour or
so and back to her place for some lovin.
Later I emailed her:
Subject: winner of rummy
Hi Linda big winner of regional of 500 rummy game. Did you gloat today??
yesterday????
You should feel guily--it was my birthday.
How was Mother's day? I took mine shopping.
The cookies are great!!!!!!!! Thanks!!!!!!! You can gloat as chief cookie maker.
What's the plan for Wednesday evening. When are your daughters coming over.
Shall I make a scrumptious dinner for everyone? With your invaluable help of
course!!!!!!!!!
Or are we going to team up on them and beat them unmercifully in a game of 500
rummy?
Kisses and many huggies XXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxx0000000
Richard who sat in the wrong seat to play rummy. Let's flip a coin for position.
Hi KNIK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well....of course I have been gloating !!!!!!!!!!!!!&&&& I meant to ask you if you want o
keep the score sheet.......I still have it !!!!!!!!!!!!!
I went Donna's ...I took the parents ( OH!!! Tjis is my Mohter's Day thing).........OH!!!!!!
but before I wnet there Abigail came over to make me breakfast ( really lunch by the time
she arrived ) but it was so good ,,,,we had lots of talk etc...... back to the parents....i took
them to Donnna's & we were there about 3 or so & had snacks & stuff 7 my girls showed up
too but them about 5 or so I started having a stomach attack,,,I ate but that did not make it
better & by 7 i had toleave & I could not even take the parent home !!!!!!!!! Glenn did
later....I had to come back & just lie on the couch & then lie in bed until it passed....I felt
better this morning but about 10 this morning It stated again!!!!!!!!! but happily by aboput 1
I started feeling beter & I still am!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Next topic..................Wed.........I think the girls willnot be here ,,,i think Hil has to work,,,,,
so I will know more tomorrow !!!!!.... but we can still be a plan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I hope you like the cookies but they are hardly REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH !!!! &&&& I
finished the ice cream tonight....I had some last night to cheer myself up & finished it this
evenign....YUMMY!!!!!
OK>>>>> I need to my beaty rest,,,,,,,, 000000's & XXXXX's from
HOWELL>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Linda the CARD SHARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You just got to love a person who is so darn funny. I emailed her back.
Subject: Wednesday (tomorrow) evening!!!!!
Hi Ms Gloater
I still have your score sheet too. We can compare!!!!!!!!!
Sorry to hear of your tummy episode--a bummer for you!!!!
Tomorrow>>>
If the weather is nice, are u up for a board walk adventure?
The dates in June are the weekend of the fourth and fifth.
And I mentioned a conference in August--it's Aug-12 thru the 14th or perhaps the 15th.
So I won't get to meet the girls. What a disappointment. We'll be married and have three
kids before I get to meet them. Whoops that's a big step from moving in and a physical
impossibility besides--just pulling chain--I like your chain.
Richard of yesterday and
..XXXX of today!!!!!!!!!
kisses and hugs XXXXXXxxxx000000000h...
Hi XXXX Richard,,,,,,,, I’d love the boardwalk if it is nice…What time?? What to
eat??? No time to type…too many kids !!!!
Linda
Will try to get there after 4:00 and bring peppers and onions with chick sausage
spicy?
OK?
XXXX Richard
She replied, “OK”. I went to her place. She told me about her previous
relationships. One guy would call her every day and she was surprised that I don’t’
call her. She didn’t say so, but I gather she was kind of hoping I’d call more often
and also glad I wasn’t needy. We prepared sausage, peppers and onions with rice,
played several games in Chinese checkers and one 500 rummy game. Then we sat
together on the couch and she did the let’s be friends thing and I went with it. She
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needed to know that there was more between us than sex. I affirmed that I
couldn’t stay in a relationship with someone just for the physical and that I find
her witty and challenging. We just kissed and touched and then I had her touch a
personal spot and the friend’s thing was history.
Hi Linda almost winner of last 500 rummy game.
I'm so disappointed. I thought Andrew was going to be here tomorrow evening for
our games--it is tomorrow night--Friday (our date), isn't it? Anyway, he'll be at a
friend's house.
I must admit, I've been stupid. A very difficult admission. I've been on these
antibiotics and forgot to stop having alcohol. Dumb dumb.
I woke up this morning dizzy and groggy. I almost felt like I had 24 hr flu with my
tummy slightly queasy. I didn't go into the office until 11:00. It might also be my
first side effect of the meds.
So I haven't been my normal perky self today which made gloating so much more
difficult.
I enjoyed our evening together immensely in spite of all the winning I did. I know
it's only a matter of time until you toast my touckus in scrabble or some such
game and I know you'll have much mercy on me!!!! Ha ha!!!!!!!!
I'll be home after 3:30 tomorrow. Let me know what time you'd like to arrive. If
there's enough time, we could go to Sandy Hook, or walk the streets of Red Bank,
drop by McCulloh Sampler and then make some shrimp scampi or crab legs.
dozens of Hugs and thousands of kisses
Come from behind XXXX Richard
Hello Richard the modified Gloater !!!!!!!!!!! Please excuse this weird typing …I do not
know how I got these weird marks on here & all the dots !!!!!!!!!
Very strange !!!!!!!!!!
Anyway,,,your plan sounds so good but I ususally hang out with teachers for a
couple of hours after school on Fridays…especially pay day,,I didn’t expect that we
would see each other until later !!!!!!!If that is ok I could be there around 7, if not let
me know!!!! This message is from the COMPURT WHIZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Linda
It was Friday the 13th both for her and me—her, because she came home to a sick
puppy and had to take him to the vet. Me. because I was really looking forward to
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her coming to hang out with my son and me to play games and eat pizza. Her
puppy got two shots and $115 later she was at home with the puppy laying near
her on the couch.
The plan was for me to drop by her place in the afternoon to meet her daughters
and have hamburgers. I got a thing for this woman and I ask myself why I am
dating other women and the answer is unknown. I certainly didn’t have any
pressure to meet anyone else.
Plans got changed and she came to my place instead and I had my mother over
and the four of us played Chinese checkers, dominos, and 500 rummy.
I emailed her after she left:
Hi Linda queen of Dominos
Thanks for coming tonight. We all had a lot of fun. Today just wasn't my day for
winning.
Only problem was that I missed a lot of hugs and kisses.
I haven't seen my son laugh like that for years.
XXXX Richard
Hugs and kisses by email XXXXXXXXX000000uhm!
Hello Richard...the Gallant Loser !!!!!!!!
I had a fun evenong ....because as you know I love playing game s!!!!!....I got up late !!!!
so now I will take the boys for a loonnnnggg walk so that they can relax & sleep the rest of
the day,,,Thank you for the fun & (Probably letting me win!!!!) Domino Di
XXXXXXX's & 000000000000000's to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Linda,
You for got some thing. You forgot your glas ses.
Shoudst I bring them to you?
XXXX Richard
She had some problems at work and home and I emailed her:
Hello Linda with sad happenings around her
Are you teaching in June, I believe you said you were. Anyway, there's a thing in Hampton, VA near
Williamburg I will be going to and wondering if it will fit into your schedule. It's June 18th and 19th which
means leaving on the 17th Friday and returning on the 20th (Monday).
And while we're speaking of plans. Are we on for tomorrow (never discussed it since we didn't connect last
evening). If so, I can schedule my meeting in Neptune in afternoon and arrive earlier in the day if you're don't
have to hang out with Andre.
And while we're speaking of plans, what about weekend? Which day/s/night/s you available?
Richard with so many hugs and kisses accumulating just waiting for delivery.
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Hi Richard….I just now got your email from yesterday afternoon!!!! My computer
here is not working up to par…&someone from the tech center was here & was
working on it all afternoon & then shut it down & I was NOT to use it again until this
afternoon!!!! BUT>>>>>>>>> it is still not right !!!!! Let’s see……
My girls & the boys want to come over on Thurss because of Hil & Bobby’ s
work…they will get here after 7, but if you can’t come on Thurs then I’ll tell them to
come on Wed even if it is late ….WEKEND!!!! I am having company ( Barry’s
relatives) over on Saturday so I will not be able to do anything then, but Friday will
work for me.
&&&& The Williamsburg thing!!! Oh…sound s good but I couldn’t possibly go
because that is the very end of school…..Kid’s last day is 21,,,,,,,,I will be in over my
head & cannot take off so close to the end !!! So Sorry!!!!!!
I think that is it for now !!!!! Linda
Linda
Lady Di,
Friday night is good and your reservation is confirmed. Had I known you had computer
problems, I would have called you by tele phone.
Thursday night is a problem. I have a Chamber network meeting plus I have to take
Andrew home afterward and couldn't get to ya place until perhaps 9:15 or so.
Wednesday is best if that works for you but from your paragraph couldn't understand
exactly whut you were saying.
Bo hhoo Williamsburg--just a week too soon. I'll call and DEMAND they schedule the
conference for the following week.
So ya don't think its a good idea for me to meet Barry's relatives?
Richard
hugs and kisses XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxx00000000uhm!!!!
I just read your your email!!!!!!!!!!!! Youa re too funny!!!!!!!!! Barry's relatives became my
best friends !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ithink I have to let them know that I met you berfore I have them
167
meet you!!!!!!...........I am lookin gforward to tomorrwo...I hope we can walk or something
!!!! Then we will have to think about something to eat !!!!! i have stuff but probably not
YOUR stuff !!!!!!!!.aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh...... well we could starve 7 juast play SCRABBLE
so that I can practice for Saturday....Linda & I always play in the afternoon !!!!................D
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CHAPTER X -- THE LAST TEST
We got together Wednesday afternoon, walked on the Boardwalk, had dinner at her place,
played rummy (I won), and then romanced on the couch until she got the feeling I was in the
mood for love. She wanted to just be close and hug. I was bent out of shape and kept it to
myself but not very well. I offered a time limit so I’d be leaving around 10:30 pm and I did.
On the way home, I became increasingly aggravated. It reminded me so much of my wife
manipulating my sex life and making decisions for me for five years of marriage.
I called her and told her that if she needs someone just for hugging, that I didn’t think I was
capable of that. It was a short conversation. I said what I had to say and she didn’t reply.
Because it was noisy in the car, I wanted to make sure she didn’t misunderstand me so I
emailed her:
Subject: Choice
Hi Linda,
It was a close rummy game and it was fun even though you almost came from
behind and beat me, but the game on the couch wasn't fun for me, maybe for you,
but not even a dearth for me.
I think I understand what you want--you'd like someone to just hold and be close
without it getting into physical intimacy and there's nothing wrong with what you
want--go for it.
I know I'm not the man for that-especially when you make the decision for me.
Maybe there are a thousand other guys who are capable of that, but I'm not. Call it a
short coming.
The way it is now, it ends up being a tug of manipulation--if I get my way, then
"richard always gets what he wants" and you feel taken advantage of and if you get
your way, I feel taken for granted and manipulated.
The sad thing is that there's so much I like and love about you.
So the decision is in your court. If you're unwilling to let a coin toss make the choice
and find that just cuddling and hugging are what you need a guy to be able to do
when he hasn't seen you or been with you for almost a week, then let me know and
I'll wish you the best in finding what you want in a relationship.
Had the evening been my choice, we'd would have made love within 10 minutes of
me arriving and maybe done it again before I left and I would hope that the woman
I'm in relationship with wants that intimacy as much as I do or is at least willing to let
a coin toss decide.
Sad Richard
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Subject: Sorry!!!!!!!!!!
When I read the subject, I wondered if she was apologizing and opened her email
to find:
Dear Richard,
I am sorry that you feel the way that you do. I do not think that we will be very
good together after this. I am sorry that I cannot be what you want. I had a
wonderful time last night but I knew that you were unhappy. I guess there is
nothing else to say. Linda
Linda
I replied:
Linda,
I don't think a relationship should be a lot of work either--it should come quite
naturally as it does 99+% of the time for us. So I don't think we have 30 years of
work to do and apologize for upsetting you--it was not my intent as I truly value our
friendship and deeply care for you.
Must admit that I lost sight of rule #6 and aren't too happy about that. I could have
expressed myself differently had I remembered it. Please accept my apologies for
having no tact and a lapse of memory.
So if you need to take a break, as you wish, hope you feel better soon, and hopefully
one day soon you'll feel like a rematch on rummy.
Love,
Richard
She wrote back:
Dear Richard.....I got you email & I truly appreciate it ....I hope that you
undersatand what I mean by working at a relationship. UMMMM>>> YES !!!! I
agree I trul;y enjoyed all the times we shared & I was surprised when I called you
back the other night & you said your piece !!!!!!!!! That made me step back &
evaluate exactly what it was that I was doing !!!! You see.. I I think I tend to just
" go with the flow " or whatever ...& I really think that I should be past problems
& such .....& I cannot agree or understand how one could "flip a coin" to decide if
"intimacy" would be the agenda!!!!! I think that is something that both people
must feel & want together. Sometimes I do need to be close but not all that
intimate. i am sorry if that does not fit with your oputlook. I think that you
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should know that I am certainly not afraid of being "imtimate" ( I like that term )
& I certainly enjoy it, but it cannot be the main focus of any relationaship for me
.....Important but the ALL!!!!!!!.........so,.... give me a few more days or so to
get myself back on track. &&&&&& I will concentrate on RULE #6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!D
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CHAPTER XI THE BEGINNING OF THE END
I wrote her back:
Linda,
I'm very glad we're communicating--that's great!!! NNNNO, I don't like the idea of
a coin flip determining the agenda and that wasn't my intent of the coin flip--it
goes much deeper than that.
Suppose we both love going to the beach (which we do) and we like to go there as
much as we can. Now when we go to the beach you love to throw the Frisbee. In
fact, you want to do it every time. Now I really like throwing the Frisbee too, but
I'm not always in the mood for it and it take two people to do it--not much fun
throwing it by yourself.
I think (and I could be wrong) that when you love someone and something is
important to that person, well, even though you might not be excited about doing
it, you do it because you love that person and if I contribute to your happiness,
I'm happy. So, I say to you, "OK, I'm not really in the mood for Frisbee today, but
because it's so important to you, then I'll get into it. You might have to cajole me
or tease me to get me going, OK?"
Now that will work only for a period of time and after a while I'm going to be
thinking that you don't really love me, but love to play Frisbee more and just
about anyone as long as they play Frisbee will do for you. Now I'm beginning to
feel manipulated, taken for granted like everything is for you and even though I
contribute to you feeling good playing frisbee, I don't feel so go about myself any
more.
And the weird thing is that I do like to play Frisbee--just not every time.
Now, you might be tuned into my displeasure and start thinking that frisbee is bad
to do because it causes so much aggravation so sometimes you might say, "OK,
because I love you and know that Frisbee is not what you want to do, I'll let go of
doing it today. And of course that will work for a period of time until you start
feeling like you're just being used for a walk on the beach--not a good feeling
either as you'll be sad cause you both could be having so much more playing
Frisbee.
The end result from either point of view, it ends up with one person getting his or
her way and the other feeling taken for granted. Perfect soup for arguments,
separation, divorce, hit men, and other crazy things.
Flipping a coin is valuing each other. It's like having a neutral party say, "OK, you
both love each other and sometimes you'll do what he wants and sometimes you'll
do what she wants even though you might not be into it. So take turns, flip a coin
or ennie, meenie, mini, moe. It doesn't matter what you do, it matters that you
love and respect each other and neither of you impose your desires on the other
person. You don't make decisions for her and she doesn't make decisions for you"
After all, you wouldn't like it if she invited a dozen people for dinner without
discussing it with you and wants you to cook and serve the meal, or you wouldn't
want him to select your vacation spot without discussing it with you, would you?"
172
And you know what, Linda, if I didn't feel like playing Frisbee three or four times
in a row and won the coin toss every time, because I love you, that third or fourth
time I'd play Frisbee and get in the mood cause I'm me.
Does this make sense? The coin toss doesn't determine the agenda, the coin toss
says, "I love and respect you too," and is the perfect tool to keep love and respect
going--it insures the balance of desires!
And when everyone is crying about feeling taken for granted in their relationships,
the coin toss, emni, mini, mini, moe, or taking turns still goes on. It's the therapist
that always on duty and doesn't charge a dime.
And the beauty is there's no working at the relationship necessary--it bypasses all
that stuff and you don't even have to remember rule #6.
Love Richard
Me thinks she’s not going to relate intimacy with playing Frisbee and we’ll be at a
stale mate.
She responded with:
Subject: HELLOOOOOO!!!!!
Hi Richard !!!!!!!!
Well Igot your email on Saturday evening aftert the cousins left....UMMMM>>>> Iw
asn't & still am not sure how I am supposed to respond !!!!!! i am still thinking about your
message !!!!
My parents took bme out to dinner tonight , since I took them to the foot doctor & Stop &
Shop... seemed like a faitr deal. In faCT I got your "Hi" when I got home & checked my
phone &&&& I had been thinking about you !!!!!
I am going to bed now....my third nioght of giong to bed a little before 10!!!!..........My
stomach & al. has been better today than for soemtime so I am being careful & relaxing
!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will write a better meeage tomorrow...Daine
And I responded with:
Subject: It cost me $50
Hi Linda,
That's a good deal, dinner for a trip to the foot doctor.
Glad you're stomach etal are feeling better--am so disappointed that how
I handled the situation contributed to your physical discomfort.
173
Twas a long email that I sent you! How you should respond? How about,
"I love you, miss you and want to get my rummy's revenge!!!!" Really,
not that I wouldn't like that response, (I would), but, did it make any
sense or do you think the email was simply the rambling of an idiot? and
should I get my $50 back from the guy I paid to write it? Was it revalent?
or is comparing an intense desrie to throwing frisbees to physical
intimacy stupid, dumb, assinine, and idiotic?
Can you see my side of the coin or are my feelings so far off base that
you thinks I need a life time of therapy, ridilin, noranatin, risperdol and
paxil all at once? and there's absolutely--without a shadow of doubt--no
hope for me?
Love!!!!!!!!!!!
Richard
p.s. might you be up for a rummy rematch Wednesday evening? And I
won't stay past 10 so you can keep your string going!!!!!!
It’s already Wednesday evening and she hadn’t responded. I guessed that was my
answer. I had been lax with match so I spent the evening getting up to speed with
some new possibilities.
I kinda wanted to call her, and I figured I’ll spare myself the aggravation. It would
be probably be like starting with her all over again and I figured that I just as well
may start with someone new. She’s got this testing thing and doesn’t even
recognize it, like she tested me when we got lost going to a wedding a few weeks
ago.
But then again, maybe she was dealing with some kind of an emergency.
And then I got this email:
Dear Richard… Hello again !!!!!!!!! Sorry that I have not been in touch….Crunchy
rice …that’s sounds good…Abigail was over & we had tacos & watched American Idol
while we played 500 rummy!!!! &&& Guess who won???? Yep…I wouldn’t even be
mentioning it if it was not me !!!! I am at school & only have a minute but I wanted
to let you know that I am alive & kicking & starting to feel much better……I will talk
to you soon !!!!!! Linda
Linda
I replied:
Subject: Rummy winner
HI Linda,
174
Glad to hear you're OK. The latest news is that mother has a boy friend--Angelino
(a nice guy). Did a lot for her depression--in fact it's gone! She was so spry that
she hopped up on the doctor's exam table yesterday without the stool but later on
when I reupholstered her chair at her place, she could hardly walk--must have
pulled a muscle with all that hopping.
I have Andrew this weekend (hope the weather will be good enough for some
tennis). Would you like a rummy rematch with us Friday or Saturday or play some
tennis? Can you fit us in your busy schedule?
Richard who misses you sends many hugs and kisses just in case you can use
them!!!! XXXXXXXXXX000000000.
She replied two days later:
Hi Richard!!!!
Tonight the girls & boys came over for food & game!!!! We played Cranium but my team
lost becasue "I" am not very good with POP culture!!!!!!!!!!!...............I spilled SALSA on my tan
pants & sweater this morning at snack time so needless to say, my day after that was lesss than
winderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am now going to read a bit & sleep .
My weekend is not that busy, mostly doing parent related activites & hanging out at
Muareen's one day. To be honest I am a bit anxioous about seing you again !!!! I want to but
I'd rather wait until after the weekend if that is ok with you. I am not sure why I feel this way
but I
'd rather think about it so I can talk to you about how I feel. I am sorry that I am being such a
pain!!!!! Linda
I left a couple phone messages and got no reply so I emailed her:
Hi Dear Pain Linda!!!!!!!!!
That's DPD!!!!!! I can promise you that I won't be lawyering you with
some kind of case about me being right. And I won't ever make you
wrong about anything. I only want to respect you for whatever your
feelings..
I sense that you are avoiding talking to me and that may because you
have some preconceived idea about it being confrontational or me trying
to brow beat you into my way of thinking. If that's your concerns, I hope
you generally know that that's not me. If it's something else, then it's
something else and I can't imagine what it might be, but would love to
learn.
175
You've had 30 yrs of marriage and I've had 5. It's normal that you are
going to see reminders in things I do that remind you of that 30 yrs and
it's normal that I'm going to see reminders in things you do that remind
me of the problems I had. Until we get more experience of each other,
the unfortunate thing is that we will both transfer those feelings from
time to time to each other--we're only human and make some mistkes,
however, we can call each other on it and remind each other that I'm not
Barry and you're not Maureen.
Anyway, the invitations still stand for the weekend--please call me.
Andrew is driving me around. He made a fast turn and almost ran MY
CAR into the side of the embankment going up our drive way Thurs
evening and I just caringed--notta word. I don't think he saw me caringe
because he was pretty busy getting control of the car.
Later on after another bo bo, he asked me how I can be so calm and that
his mother would have been screaming at him. I told him that as an
intelligent guy he didn't need me to tell him he goofed and yelling only
would make him more nervous and further jeopardize his driving.
Richard (no pain from me)
Then I called her twice over an hour and let it ring about 8 times but didn’t leave a
message. On the third call she picked up and informed me she was in traffic taking
one of the dogs to the vet for routine shots. She said she’d call me later and she
did.
It was good talking again and she apologized for being such a pain and explained
that she’s been feeling stressed out over the last several months. I invited her
over the weekend to play games and she declined as she just wanted to be alone
this weekend and tend to her family. We agreed to keep in touch over the
weekend and she really enjoyed talking to me and I dittoed her.
We talked briefly on Saturday evening, and then I locked myself out of my office,
had to set up a ladder to the porch roof and climb in that way. Guess my mind
was preoccupied with the relationship.
Later she sent me this email:
Hi Richard........ ( your name makes me think of a knight or something like
that )
176
Thank you for still talking to me. I like dtalking to you yesterdscay
& today....I think I have a problem with getting too serious or too attached
to someone. That is what I want but I am so afraid that I will make another
BIG mistake!!!!
I just finished ironing new curtains ....They are sao horrible !!!!!!!!!! &
then I made chili....& I thought about you & I am unable to let you
experience my culinary skills !!!!!!!!
I got the Asbury Park Press summer edititon on Friday &so maNY good
things to do .....I will show it to you & se waht you think...
I am gokng to 7"30 mass tomorrwo & thenI am walkling with Susan at the
resevoir & I have not yet heard from amUareen so I wil call you after I
walk...I want you to be rested..I would hate to wake you up!!!!!...............I
am thinking that you are a NIGHT person & I am a MORNING perosn!!!!
UH OH!!!!!! Another problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
UMMMMM>>>>>>>>>>>>>. I guess tht is the end of my essay!!!!!!! I miss
seeing you Linda
And I replied:
Linda of fear
Yes, me thinks we're both afraid of making mistakes again. Tis normal and guess what, we
got to make them til we get it right and hope every mistake brings us more wisdom as
opposed to stupidity. Sounds like something out of one of my tapes. But I don't know what
choices we have other than to hold back and then you just never know and then that becomes
the mistake. Now, I'm not suggesting we get married or anything like that so don't freak
out!!!
Morning vs night!!
I USED TO GET UP AT 5:30 AM WHEN I INSTALLED GUTTER COVERS--DID THAT
FOR ABOUT THREE YEARS. Felt like I got a whole day's work done by 11:00 am and
had the whole day ahead of me. Like I'm flexible. I love the morning--especially to share
with someone. I'd like to get up and do yoga (easy exercises), or take a walk, or
rebound with someone special.
Maureen used to wipe out on the couch at 9:30pm and refused to go to bed until she
awakened as a bitch at 11:30pm. She'd complain, scream at anyone--had three of us to yell
at--about anything she could find wrong and then ride to bed on her broom handle. I really
didn't feel like going to bed with her after that. I certainly don't want that again!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, no comment on my photos??? Are they that bad????
Richard with so many hugs and kisses who tried his first piece of pizza tonight--would have
rather had your chili. It was pizza hut and tasted terribly (adverb right?) And to boot, we got
rained out of playing tennis.
177
I was expecting a call from her around 10:30 am and at 2:00 left her a message about waiting for her
call. She emailed me:
Hi Richard... I am unable to call because I dropped the phone into th sink this
morning befrore church....I took the battery out & let it dry while I went to
walk..............It will not work it lights up & goes black....I am going to meet Lynne &
Rhonda at the mall & get it repaired....I hope !!!!!.............I 'll call when I am back on
the air !!!!!!!!!! D
And then she wrote back:
Subject: sooory again
Dear Richard.... I am at Lynne's & my phonme is now working again. I
don't think that I am the person for you!! I thought that I had a problem
with Paul because he was too pushy & fast .....I can see that you are no
that way & I have loved the time we shared but I think I need more time to
be just on my own without any type relationsghip at theis time. I feel that I
am always so busy & I never have time to stop &" smell the
flowers"!!!!!.............I have bewen thinking alot about this since yesterday &
I was truly happy to talk to you & I did miss talking to you but I am not
ready now to be involved .....I don't know why because I want to have a
partner & do things together & be able to talk but I guess I am not there
yet . UMMM>>> I don't know what welse to say, soory D
ps....I know that I have to give you your domino set !!!!!!
I responded:
Subject: sad news
Linda,
Tis the sadest news I've gotten in a long long time. but
congrats to you for making the decision for
yourself!!!!!! That decision truly doesn't involve me
although I'm the subject of the decision.
178
I'll just have to get rid of images in my mind that I had
of us lying on a beach in Hawaii or Aruba together.
I could tell it was a see saw for you, one day I was on
and the next day i was off. So off it is.
Please send me the dominoes to 210 Broad St. Red
Bank, NJ 07701 unless of course you want to see me
in person for one last rummy game and or a
discussion--not an arm pulling!!!
Richard
p.s. If I dont' see ya, good luck in finding what you
want for that's what I think love is--wanting what's
best for you and just hoping it's what's best for me
too; but in this case, it's not and that's OK!!!!
I didn’t hear anything back from her all week and then I emailed her:
Subject: cookies & things.
hI sUNFLOWER,
hOW ARE YOU DOING?
wONDERED IF YOU COULD EMAIL ME THE RECIIPT FOR THE COOKIES. i'M
RUNNING OUT OF THEM AND GETTING DESPERATE. gOOD THING YOU TABLED
OUR RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE YOU PROBABLY WOULD HAVE OWED ME A BATCH
OR TWO BY NOW FOR SOMETHING OR OTHER!!!!!!! --UNLESS THAT WAS YOUR
MOTIVATON?????
iN RETROSPECT, i KNEW FROM THE MINUTE i SAW THAT YOUR TRASH CAN
OPENED WITH A TOP RELEASE MECHANISM AS OPPOSED TO MINE THAT
RELEASED BY THE FOOT, THAT WE WEREN'T COMPATABLE--JUST KIDDING OF
COURSE. i THOUGHT WE WERE VERY COMPATABLE--EVEN LIKED hARLEY AND
cOCO. pET THEM FOR ME!!!!! AND GIVE cOCO 5 MINUTES ON THE COUCH-PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE!!!!!!
eNOUGH FOR NOW,
rICHARD OF YORE (DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS--JUST THOUGHT IT SOUNDED
GOOD--HOW MANY SCARABLE POINTS?)
179
I left caps on on purpose and called her sunflower instead of Linda. Just thought I’d
bust on her to see if she picked up on it.
She returned the email:
Subject: me again!!!!!!!!
Hi Richard!!!!
AHHH>>>> I think that you probably want the recipe & not the reciipt for the
cookies!!!!! So I will send that ...& the Dominoes !!!!! I did not forget !!!!!!....Thank you
for sucha nice email the other day!!!! I apologize for waiting so l;ong to respond
!!!!........UMMM>>>> I too think that we were compatible ...we like dlots of the same thing
s!!!!........I have to rest up because tomorrrow is field day & I think the weather is going to be
less than perfect...................The recipe will be forthcoming .....but not tonight !!!!! D
I happened to be in her area for a network meeting and called after it was over. She was glad to hear
from me and I dropped by. We talked about our issues as we played dominoes. She said that she didn’t
feel that sometimes she’d be a good sexual partner—didn’t think she could always be into it. She was a
very active lover and I wondered if it was what she felt like doing or what she felt was expected of her.
We ended up kissing like old times but we kept it at that. I left with possible plans for the following
evening and maybe the week-end and really felt good about us getting together.
The next day, I emailed her:
Subject: Glad for last night.
Hi Linda,
HOW's the crayola girl? Any interesting things happen, like maybe a new crayon
for use on skin that kids can color each other and their parents when they fall
asleep?
The missing dominoe is
my mother.
. Well I don't know yet. I have to go pick it up from
Glad to see you're taking good care of Harley and Coco, I worry about them!! Coco
really does derseve a little couch time.
I hope we get to connect tonight--would like to meet your daughter/s. No pressure
though, if things don't work out for tonight, perhaps cards at my place this
weekend with Andrew and my Ma and or maybe minerature golf.
Kisses and hugs have been accumulating with your name on them.
Richard
180
Anyway before she probably got the email, she text messaged me and said she had to cancel for the evening
and would email me later.
I text messaged her, “how was the crayon factory?” and never received a response so I emailed her:
Subject: touching base
Sunflower girl Linda,
Haven't heard from you since you text message on Wednesday afternoon. Is everything OK? If you gots a
problem and needs some helps, let mes know.
Richard
Again no response after three days so I emailed her:
Subject: FYI
D
The missing domino tile. How many times did you need a three or a two? Well, it
was at my mothers'. I'm sure you could have won twice as many games if it were
at your disposal.
R
Later she responded as though she had been in contact all along with same subject:
YOU asre RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can now recall that I was always commeting to myself that
I wish I had the 2 / 3 tile but I just thought that you were the lucky one to get it all the
time!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH>>>. No wonder I accumulated so many losses !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I responded with:
Subject: Real Match
Hi Linda,
Do you comment to yourself about any thing else other than the 2/3 tile?????? Uhmmm!!!!!!!!!
Wondering if you're up to doin anything tomorrow afternoon or evening? or Monday evening? Many options,
beach, mini golf, complete set of dominos, dinner....
R
I called her about 10:00am and left a message for her to call me if she was available for fun and games
today or tomorrow evening and that if she didn’t respond, I’d assume she was busy. I think this
relationship is dead dead. She’s very much into taking care of her parents and spends a lot of time there
and I wouldn’t mind being included, but…
A few weeks later I emailed her a note that I was just touching base and she replied:
HI Richard >>>>. Yes I am up late & now I am going to retire !!!! but I just read your email
& thank you for being so kind & all!!!!! I am working this weekend inPrincet=on & i got
your voice mail whe I got home after 6!!!! I am off to Princetona gaintomorrow morning
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...have to be ther by 830!!!! But it is not a bad ride at all!!!! I keep my windows open &
blow in the breeze !!!!! 7&&&&&&&&&&&&& i told you!!!!! I am not angry or mad at
youa tall!!!!!!/.............I will try & be brave & strong & call you tomorrow ...ok???? Linda
.I didn’t hear from her and I left it at that for about two weeks and then emailed her asking if she was
upset or angry and she replied:
Dear Richard, I got your mesasage & NO !!!! I am not angry or upset or anthing with
you!!!!! I really jst do not think that we will work . I really & truly enjoyed 7 had fun
whern we were togetere but I do not want to create a situation like I had before
!!!!,,, UMMM>>>> that is really what it is!!!! D
A few weeks later I emailed her that I thought of her when I made some rice that got dry—
crunchy rice, she replied:
Hi Richard!!! How are you??? I did get your messages ......In this century!!!! I went to
Williamsburg for a week & then I was working in Mt, Laurel for 3 weeks.....an hour drive each
way...I was getting h0ome so late...thank goodness I am not a commuter all the time !!!!! I am
leaving for VA again tomorrow morning !!!!! Another vacation !!!!! I am luchky this year
!!!!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,My boys are good & barking well as usual!!!! How interestin that "crispy rice"
reminds you of me!!!!!!! Linda
I made another attempt to call her before an August 8th convention. I was hoping she could
help me run my booth at the convention. I received no reply and began receiving intriguing
emails from a 25 year old Russian girl who wanted to come to the U.S. and find love. More about that in
Appendix B.
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PART IV
INTRODUCTION
More research:
Being that I was dating Linda and uncertain as to whether she would be my match, and since I also
wanted to continue my internet dating research, I changed my name to romancethestone and removed
my photos and guess what? I made a liar out of me about photos. Photos aren’t necessary for a guy. I got
more action without my photos than with them.
CHAPTER I -- DIANE
She showed up on my match of the day, I emailed her:
Subject: Great Smile
you appeared on my match of the day at high rating. Shall we trust the computer
and see where it may lead?
Richard
Dropping my membership today, so you'll have to email me at XXXX@comcast.net
or call me at 908-625-2195 should you be interested in step #2
From: REDBURGUNDY2929
(REDBURGUNDY2929@talkmatch.com)
To: romancethestone (romancethestone@talkmatch.com)
Date received: April 15, 2005
Subject: RE: Thanks
REDBURGUNDY2929's profile
Thanks for the compliment. I will give you a
call. I was wondering do you have a pic?
Talk to you later.
45-year-old woman
Staten Island, NY, US
Seeking
men 40-60
Active within 24 hours
Diane
I emailed her back my photos and this note:
Hi Diane,
Someone told me I look somewhat like Sean Connery (007). What do you think?
Anything close?
Look forward to your call.
Richard
908-625-xxxx
She called me. She hadn’t received the attachments and I told her she was brazen for I might have lots of
missing teeth, weight 300 pounds and be loaded with tattoos. She didn’t see a big risk in a phone call.
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We hit it off pretty good. She told me she didn’t drink or smoke and I told her I didn’t either but that I
frequented Atlantic City three times a week to gamble and she got very quiet. I asked her which toe I
pulled and we laughed when I told her that gambling is boring. She later told me that she divorced her
husband because he was a lying gambler and we had another laugh.
I asked her if she was the stereotyped red head who loses her temper and she assured me that she’s dyed
red and that she hates confrontation and doesn’t argue although as a child of 18 she was attracted to
those qualities in her boyfriend who she skipped high school graduation to marry him.
Later I emailed her the photos and when I called her back she hadn’t received them as the email bounced
back. I asked her to email me her regular email which she did as we were talking and I sent her the
photos. She agreed I looked somewhat like Sean Connery and I asked her who she looked like and she
volunteered Mary Lou Henric of Taxi.
Since I had no photo on the match site I teased her about me being married. She said she had experience with
one married guy. He only wanted to meet her at a motel during week days only, wouldn’t give her his phone
number and finally admitted he just wanted to get laid. I had already passed her test as she had my cell number
and we were talking about weekend dates.
I asked her whether she was religious or not—bad mistake. Turns out she’s a devote Catholic. I told her
I used to be a devout Lutheran and stopped being religious 20 years ago and am now spiritual. I got the
feeling she was looking for someone who shared her faith. Our call had gone over 30 minutes and then I
asked when Mary Lou would like to meet Sean Connery and we began to set up a time but couldn’t
arrive at one. We had two possibilities and we agreed that I’d contact her.
I called three times, left two messages and never received a call back. I assume it was the religious thing.
Of course, that would have probably nixed the relationship anyway, but then if I were just looking for
fun and visa versa, religion wouldn’t have had to play a factor into it.
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CHAPTER II JM
Received a wink from this beautiful woman
I emailed her:
Subject: Hello smily--thanks for the wink I can see your personality shine through
your smile.
It's quite bold of you to wink at someone without a photo. I'm told I look like a
double for Sean Connery--just don't have his accent.
I see you're on line and if you'd like to chat, I'm at 908-625-2195 or if you want to
email me first I'm at XXXX@comcast.net
Richard
She responded:
jm04330's profile
57-year-old woman
Newtown, PA, US
From: jm04330 (jm04330@talkmatch.com)
Seeking
men 44-62
Active within 1
Subject: RE: Hello smily--thanks for the wink
I will make a note of your other e-mail address-but thatis was just as easy to respond to. I
winked at you because I enjoyed reading your profile-and was hoping you could send me a
picture later...What I didn't do was find out where/or which Middletown you live in (I am
originally from NJ-but tdidn't realize there were 3 Middletowns). So I guess the first thiang we
should do is fiure out how far apart we live. I live in Newtown, Bucks County-do you know
where that is?
KF
I replied with Distance as the subject:
Hi KF jm
What's this KF--jm thing? You don't have multiple personalities, do you? Just kidding! Do you?
I'd hate a little thing like distance to break up great possibilites. I was in Bucks county just last week at a
wedding in Doylestown--looked like a fun town. Small world, we could have met after the wedding and
had dinner except my date would have really been peeved.
Middletown is near the shore--Sandy Hook, Seven Presidents park, Sea Bright where the news guys
always go to video tape the NorEasters.
Big Question! Do you like the beach? Is your bathing suit ready for beach fun?
Richard at the sunny beach
185
She email me back the next day:
Subject: RE: Distance
Well you made me laugh- thats great-sense of humor is important. No, I do not
have multiple personalities, but consider myself adapatible in multiple settings. My
name is Kathy (thus the KF). JM is just becuase I thought it was supposed to be a
name that owuld not identify me 9security reasons. And I tried to write my profile
as honestly as possible.
Now I do know where Middletown at the shore is -because I spent my early life in
Lavalette, adn lakewoordNJ. I am the quintescential Jersey Shore gire-but my
family and my shore house are curently in Sea Isle City (Cape May County). My
bathing suit is always ready-when I am at the shore thats pretty much my
uniform.
I think you live about 1 hr from me??
Do you have a photo you can send me? You have seen mine, and most people
have said the pictures look like me-or I look a little better thatn the pictures.
Kathy
I replied: Subject: Photos
Kathy,
Be glad to send you a dearth of photos. I don't have any smiling photos--I save the smile for when we're
up front and personal.
I don't mean to break your cover, Kathy--now that I know your first name, but the only way I know how
to attach a photo is through regular email unless you can coach me otherwise and I'm always willing to
learn a new task.
So I still remain a partial mystery
Richard
She replied:
I would never make a very good undercover agent anyway. Consider the code broken. My name is Kathy
Fxxxxxx, and my e-mail is kxxxxx@comcast.net. Look forward to "seeing" you. Couldn't begin to coach you
on use of technology-I am still working on mastering the VCR, and now there is the DVD to replace it!
Kathy
Subject: No longer under cover.
And I sent her photos:
Hi Kathy,
What's next after the DVD?
Here are a few photos. Do I look more like 007 or the Frugal Gormet?
186
Richard
She responded to my photo with:
Subject: No longer under cover.
Richard
Thanks for sending the phot-actually it said photos-but i only found one-does that
have to do with you sending only one or my lack of technological skills? I have of
course heard of the frugal gourmet, but don't think I have ever seen him-so don't
know if you look like him-I can see the Sean Connery resemblance.
Don't know where to go from here. I am mainly looking for friendly kind of dating
that could turn into more. The problem with the geographical distance is how to
do that.
Do you have ideas, suggestions? Are you coming from a different place?
(emotionally/relationsally?)
Kathy
I replied:
Subject: Wanted: dependent clingy relationship!!!!!!!!
Hi Kathy,
Great to hear back from you. I thought I sent you two photos, but then I guess the technology beat me.
Which one did you get, the close up with leather coat or the full body shot in a checked sports jacket?
I’ll send you the other photo after you tell me which you received.
Distance? Wow, you’re on the other end of the world and I’m looking for a very clingy dependent
relationship and would like to move in with you so I could save on these high real estate taxes.
Help!!!!!!!
Gee, so many are looking for the one soul mate and I think sometimes that looking for that soul mate
person stands in the way of finding that person should he or she exist.
I once dated a woman from Florida and after a year of commuting every month or so we ended up living
together for about 5 years so distance is no real big issue unless of course you’re looking for someone to
be with all three days every weekend.
Romantic friendship is a great place to start. What do you think?
And you haven’t heard my voice yet—another step. You can call me at 908-625-2195 or it’s on the
internet at www.DStressDoc.com Click on the edit button at the top left and select the “find” option and
type in audio link.
It’ll take you to an audio file and next to it are two video files. Click on either the audio or one of the
video files (the one marked 400 is for newer computers)
Richard
187
I didn’t receive a reply and because I was busy dating Linda, I didn’t attempt to reach Kathy again. If
she lived closer, I definitely would have attempted more communication.
188
CHAPTER III -- JANE
From: Jane284 (Jane284@talkmatch.com)
Subject:
Jane284's profile
55-year-old woman
Englishtown, NJ, US
Hi, my interest was piqued after reading your profile,
and especially your essays. The funny thing is that you
sound almost perfect, and I've always believed that no
one is. I often wonder how much of what I've read is
factual. You appear to be a communicative and
interesting individual. I invite you to read mine to see if
the feeling is mutual. Hoping to hear from you, Max
Seeking
men 50-67
I replied:
Subject: Perfection in a man
Hi Max,
Must ask you. Being that I'm almost perfect, what would make me perfect? Sight
unseen?
But then one match date told me I resemble Sean Connery 007 (if you like that
look)
And then years back there was the Frugal Gourmet on TV and I was told that I
was his double--so there you have it, I'm somewhere in between the Frugal
Gourmet and 007 and I do make a mean shrimp scampi and I'm a pretty good
shot with paint balls and I bring flowers--unless you're allergic to flowers!
Add to that your external assertive, organized, effective and efficient persona and
maybe we got one great match.
Tell me, which would you like to experience first, my voice or my photos?
Richard
She replied:
Hi Richard, I enjoyed reading your e-mail. In answer to your question, your voice
has my vote. If you would care to give me your phone number, we could share
good conversation and expedite the learning experience. Awaiting your reply ( and
perhaps your number), Max
Subject: phone
908-625-2195 to sample voice
I'm up until wee hours of the night
Richard
She called the following evening. We talked for about twenty minutes when she received a call from her
sister and had to go. She has twin sons 17 and a daughter 25. I sensed she was nervous. She was trying
189
to figure out my flaws since I sounded too perfect. The ones uncovered were my diet although it’s a
relative thing. For many women it’s no problem; for the one’s who like dining out, it’s a problem.
We agreed to connect by phone next Tuesday re a possible meeting. I emailed her:
Hi Jane (not 100% spontaneous)
Enjoyed our chat. Look forward to more next week. Have a great exciting weekend.
Richard with a flaw or two.
She replied:
Hi! I too enjoyed our chat, looking forward to the next one. Have a great weekend,
Max
That was how she felt after we talked. After she thought about my flawed problem
of dining out she emailed me the good bye thing:
Good morning Richard. I very much enjoyed our conversation the other evening. I
hope you won't think of me as too shallow a person, but I don't think we are
suitable for one another. I do enjoy travel and am always doing things outside.
Restaurants are very much part of my lifestyle. I do wish you the best of luc, Max
After reading it, I thought for a moment that in the future, I should hide my flaws,
but then, I wasn’t really disappointed because I thought I already hade my match
in Linda.
190
CHAPTER IV -- CHRISTINE
Hi Richard,
It was great to hear back from you and yes you sound lovely as well. My email is below:
c.xxxxsen@comcast.net. Yes... my handle is my last name which is Danish and Scottish. sigh...too much old
corporate world influence...LOLL. I am off to work but will check in later.
Cheers for now,
Christine
Hi Christine,
Really glad to hear back from you. Here's one photo. Do you think I look more like Sean Connery or
The Frugal Gormet who was on TV about 5 yrs ago?
And now, one from you?
Richard
She emailed me her photo and this email:
Hi Richard,
You look great and more like the Sean influence. So, here is my photo. I actually have a better smile, but this will
have to do for now. You sound like a fun loving person who is comfortable in their own skin. I like that and share
your view. So, take a minute to look and see if you would like to continue and then we shall see...
Cheers for now,
Christine
I emailed her:
Hi Christine,
Give me a call 908-625-2195 if you'd like to pursue getting together. My plans for tonite have changed so I'll
be in the area if you're free. Otherwise, we'll discuss another time
Richard that more so resembles 007
She responded:
Hi Richard,
I do enjoy spontaneous reactions but I just in from work and did not get your reply until much too late to call you
tonight. It would be lovely to meet you in the near future. I will catch up shortly or you with me...
Bonsoir,
Christine
She must be French.
I responded;
Hi Christine,
Sorry we didn't connect. I'm usually up to midnight and if I'm not, I turn off hte phone. Tomorrow is a
possibility unless you'd rather wait until next week sometime.
Richard
I didn’t hear back from her and since I was quite busy with Linda and only doing this for research, I dropped it
at that.
191
CHAPTER V RITA:
Then I received a wink from an attractive 45 year old Russian.
avarita05
45-year-old woman
Staten Island, NY, US
Seeking: Men 44-58
I emailed her:
Subject: Glad to hear from you
Hi Avarita,
From your profile, you sound like the perfect woman--that outside the box stuff
sounds intriguing. I try to live outside the box as much as I can--too stuffy in
there.
The match computer rates you and me at 79% compatibility. Think we should
check it out to see if it knows it's stuff?
I realize that you only have my profile on which to go so if you'd like me to send
you some photos, I'll be glad to do so unless you want me to be a blind date.
FYI, I'm told that I look somewhat like Sean Connery (007) by some and others
tell me I'm a double for the Frugal Gourmet who was on TV about ten years ago
until he got in trouble with young boys--so even though I'm his double, there's a
huge difference in our personal preferences.
Then again, if you'd like to check out the voice first--for I'm sure you wouldn't
want to date someone who sounds like Pee Wee Herman-- you certainly may call
me at 908-625-2195.
Richard
p.s. If you'd like photos, please email me your regular email address as I don't
192
know how to attach photos to the match emails unless you can give me
instructions on how to do that.
She replied:
Subject: glad to hear from you.
Hi Richard and thanks for your message.
Yes, you got it right. I AM a perfect woman. I am so perfect that the compliments
like yours don't even go to my head...lol
And of course I am dying to see the picture of Sean Connery in my inbox. So,
please fulfill my curiosity and send it to me ASAP. Here is my email address for
you: crita10305@yahoo.com
Enjoy your day.
Rita
I sense a bit of sarcasm and replied with:
Hi Perfect One,
I'm glad my complements won't cause your head to swell. As requested, here is
Sean.
Just curious, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being a perfect double, where
would you rate my likeness? I've been told there's some resemblance,
but one of those who told me thought Donald Trump was an ugly man,
sooooo!!!! And the others may have just been affected by the suggestion
that there's a semblance.
Richard
Again I didn’t hear back from her and I didn’t pursue it further.
193
CHAPTER VI -- GREEN EYES
Then when the relationship with Linda became questionable, I received an email from greeneyes.
From: GREENEYES039370
(GREENEYES039370@talkmatch.com)
Date received: May 26, 2005
Subject: HI
GREENEYES039370's profile
54-year-old woman
Woodbridge, NJ, US
YOUR PROFILE IS TOO FUNNY. I DO HOPE YOU LIKE TO
HAVE FUN. YOU SEEMLIKE YOU ARE MAD AT WOMEN. I JUST
WANT TO SAY HI LAUGH, SMILE LIFE IS TOO SHORT
LOOSEN UP JUST BECAUSE YOUR MARRIAGE WAS BAD SO
WHAT MOVE ON HAVE FUN AND REMEMBER YOU COMPLETE
YOUR LIFE AND WHATEVER HAPPENS HAPPENS.
HAVE A FREAT DAY
PATTY
Seeking
men 49-60
About me and who I'd like to meet
Hi How are you? I am a woman who loves to laugh and have fun. When its time to
be serious i am serious. I am a kind loving person and enjoy people. I love to cook
nd i love to go to dinner. I am looking for someone who also enjoys life and does
not want to play head games. Life is too short. I am a romantic person. I love to
cuddle and hold hands and just enjoy each other. I love to dance the theatre and
whatever makes us happy. Love the Yankees and love the Giants. Well its for you
to find out the rest. Have a great day and remember to always smile and to love
life. Patty
I emailed her:
Hi Green Eyed Patty,
Me thinks you might be a therapist or something like that.
Are you sure you're divorced and not widowed?
Me ex had green eyes and divorced me because of my terrible singing. Can't sing
worth you know what. And you know it's not because I'd sing in the shower or
anything like that, the only time she ever heard me sing was at a sing along in
Vermont at the Von Trapp Lodge. She laughed for hours. Go figure!!!!
You're not the kind of gal that wears purple shoes, are you? She did!!!!
Not that it matters a lot, just checking to see if there are any other similiarities-can't be too careful these days!!!!!.
Glad my profile made you laugh.
One gal made fun of the dunlops disease thing in my profile--taught her a lesson, I
showed up with a pillow (small one) tucked under my belt. We would have had a
hot thing going but I told her I can't eat in resturants and she took me serious and
it freaked her out. I was just looking for an excuse to make my famous "best
194
tasting in the country shrimp scampi" at her place--so easy to be misunderstood.
But then, life goes on.......
Richard with the funny profile
And she replied:
I can be a therapist. I had manny years of training with people. I am a hairdresser
manny years and boy can i tell you some stories. Sorry you caint make me shrimp
scampi. I really wish you can but i am alergic to shrimp. I love Italian food being
Italian as I am I love to cook too. I do have purple shoes i have all colors. ...lol
Now you know what i look like why not send me a picture so i know whos so
funny. Maybe you where purple shoes..lo,
Well have a great weekend and be careful
Patty
And I replied:
Subject: It comes down to this
Hi Patty,
Just realized you name makes me think of food--patty melt. Do you like them?
What kind of Italian girl are you--allergic to shrimp? Never heard of an Italian
allergic to shrimp. How about King Crab or Lobster or are you really weird that
way? Of course we can always go with cheap chicken or pork--I avoid the red
meats although I'm a hypocrit since I ate a hamburger last night. but you could
tell from my profile that I'm a hypocrit, right?
So, it's come down to wanting a photo. Is that the only thing that counts. What
does a photo do for you--chemistry or something like that? I used to be a chemical
engineer so I know all about chemistry.
I knew you were a therapist hair dresser, just can't stand there and not add your
two cents, can you? And what's worse, you don't even charge extra!!!!!!
Anyway to get my photo, I'll need you to do something--read on please!!!!!!!!
I'll need you to send me something in return before I can send it and it's terribly
personal. See match won't let me send a photo as an attachment--I guess since
they don't wont to deal with some weirdos sending lude photos or something like
that. So, what I'll need from you is your social security number (just kidding)-your email address and I promise I won't write it in public places. Then I'll get my
two photos off to you and you can tell me whether I'm a dream boat or just a
jerky looking guy. And I'll make a special Bonus deal with you, if you send an
extra photo of yourself to XXXX@comcast.net, I'll send an extra photo. Now that's
the kind of deal you'd expect to get when buying kitchen knives or something like
that.
What's you doin over the weekend? Any thing special or just cutting hair?
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Richard
She replied:
HI
YOU’RE TOO FUNNY. I DO PUT MY TWO CENTS INTO IT IF THEY ASK HA HA. NO IT DOES
NOT MATTER ITS YOUR HEART. I CAN HELP IT IF I AM ALERGIC BUT I CAN HAVE PASTA
AND EVERYTHING ELSE AND I LOVE CHICKEN BUT NOT CHEAPE CHICKEN. I DO NOT LIKE
CHEAP. I DESPISE CHEAP. IM NOT CHEAP AND I WORK HARD SO THERE HA HA AND I
JUST KNOW YOUR A NICE GUY . YOUR TOO FUNNY YOU SE WHAT I LOOK LIKE BUT I
CAINT SEE YOU OH SURE IS THAT THE WAY YOU ARE. I HOPE YOU LIKE BASEBALL AND
FOOTBALL. I LOVE THE YANKEES AND GIANTS IN FOOTBALL. OK SO I GUESS THAT
REALLY DOES NOT MATTER SO HERE IS MY EMAIL ADRESS. PETUNIA0822@AOL.COM.
YOU HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND AND KEEP THE FAITH AND LOOSEN UP..HA HA ONLY
KIDDING.
PATTY
And I replied,
Subject: Now this is serious!!!
Hi Patty
You're going to hate me. I was rooting for the BoSox today and they won. What
was the final score, 14 to 1 or something like that? I stopped rooting for the
Giants when Phil Simms retired--that salary cap thing was a bunch of do do!
Now, I have two photos--one is called "serious man" and the other is called
richard4. the first three are variation of the same thing. Actually just had richard4
taken last week and have to choose which one I want as a portrait--business
porporses. Please note that I have the skin of a thirty year old and the heart of an
ancient. Just don't have the hair of a thirty year old. Actually I was pretty thin on
top by 30.
Bonus Bonus--just in case you want to chat I'm at 908-625-2195. We can chat for
10 minutes, grab the next flight to Las Vegas and be married by morning.
Richard
I never heard back from Green Eyes and it didn’t matter so much because I was hoping to get back with
Dianne. Nevertheless, I need to go read the section in Chapter III on why they stop corresponding.
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CHAPTER VII – MARIE
I winked at Marie and heard from her a bit later:
From: madrilenna (madrilenna@talkmatch.com)
Date received: July 17, 2005
Subject: Hi, Mr. Romance!
It has been a bit since you winked at me. I guess I just missed it. But I
hope it's still on time writing y ou. How is been your search? I don't
even look anymore, only the periodically ads sent to me.ally. I live and
work in Toms River, a distance I guess of about 30-35 miles from you.
Write me if you are still interested,
I replied:
From: romancethestone@talkmatch.com
Sent: Jul 21, 2005 11:15 PM
To: "XXXX@earthlink.net"
Subject: Re: Still Interested
Hi Marie,
How am I doin with match? It's confusing and frustrating. I think we all want the
same thing--to wake up with someone whom we adore. Of course all the other
good things too, right? Why is it so difficult to get to know someone?? It seems
like being a good guy is a bad thing. What gives?
Let's get to know each other. Can we beat the odds?
Richard
Hi Mr. Romance!
I think you forget to sign your name...
I'm doing fine. Very busy at work. I forget where you live. I live in Toms River.
I'm very busy during the week, but the week ends are mine. I like going to the
beach, at Ortley Beach, and relax for a couple of hours, then, going dancing, to
eat susshi, or to the movies. Would you like to do something like that?
I need to keep going, so I say hello again for now.
Marie
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I decided to have some fun and see if she had a sense of humor—I goofed, but
then, as you’ll see she doesn’t have a sense of humor—nothing lost.
From: romancethestone@talkmatch.com
Sent: Jul 26, 2005 9:23 PM
To: "xxxxxxx@earthlink.net"
Subject: Re: Note from Mr Romance
Hi Marie,
I live in Middletown just north of Red Bank which is north of Asbury Park by about
20 minutes.
So you are only free for weekends. Does that mean you are a married woman who
has a husband who travels on week ends? Naughty, naughty!!!!
Before we go plan a day of exciting things to fill in for a day while your husband is
away--all of which I enjoy, perhaps we should talk on the phonnne and then meet
for coffee. But then again, if you want to jump right in, get divorced and marry
me, OK!!! I'll try anything once and I've never tried that.
I've never been to the famous Ortley Beach. Would definitely look forward to it.
What did you do to stay cool today???
Have a cool evening,
Richard
She replied:
Hi Richard!
I don't have a husband, my life is my work. I work hard every day up to 12 hours
sometimes. You really think I'll be using matchcom if I had a husband? I think
that you are starting this (whatever) with a suspicious mind, and I dont' like that.
Every one is a product of their experiences. Is this the type of life you live before,
suspicious, negative, doubtful, ect?
I live a clean life, and it can be reflected in a mirror. I'm sincere with a clever
mind. I will never deceid anyone, nor even myself.
Coffee is a waste of time. Too much distance to travel for just that. I won't speak
with you on the phone first, and I'm not anxious to meet you right away either.
Whenever, if comes to that.
I have worked extremely hard yesterday, if y ou only knew. Are you retired and
not being very busy these days?
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Take care,
Marie
Wow, no sense of humor at all. Forgive me, but I just couldn’t help myself so I
responded:
Subject: Re: Suspiciious email
Hi Marie,
Forgive me but I got this email from a guy who signed it as Don and it must have
been a widely sent email, but it warned that a woman from the Toms River Area
by the name of Marie claims to have only weekends available, but that is because
she's married to him--this guy Don--who says he is a sports caster and is away on
weekends. So, I just put two and two together and asked myself, can there be two
Maries in Tom River on match.com?
Now are you beginning to see how funny this is? Has anyone else claimed to have
received his email?
Me, I was married and never looked at another woman and my wife wouldn't even
consider having an affair or a double life. And if she did, that would have been her
problem--not mine!!!
Retired??? I wish, but not really. Probably will never retire as long as I can find
something of interest to do.
What do you do for 12 hours a day?
Stay cool today,
Richard
Hi Richard:
I'm sorry, but I have changed my mind about continue writing you. I don't like
the way it has started. So good bye. Please don't write me.
Marie
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CHAPTER VIII -- NEW PROFILE
Then things got really slow, and when Linda announced her desire to take a break, I published my
photos again. But response was nil to zero. Me thinks a lot of women are looking for that soul mate
romance stuff from a guy that looks like me. Anyway, rather than cave in and go back to my first
profile—super wus profile, I altered my profile as follows:
“My alter ego is writing this so don't believe a word of it, but if it makes you laugh, email me if for no other reason
than to have an interesting email exchange. If it doesn't make you laugh or bring a big smile to your gorgeous face,
don't bother for the relationship would be over before it got started. I am not looking for my soul mate or
commitment. I know that most women are looking for that one person to complete their lives--too serious for me.
Let's start with fun (bring the girl out in you), romance, an affair--you don't have to be married to have an affair.
No, I am not married--guaranteed. Was but ain't no more! (bad English and so was the marriage--just kidding.
Actually the marriage was great. She divorced me because I couldn't sing well enough for my supper--she's a very
good cook and we're still friends.) I'm looking for a woman who is fun to be with, likes to kiss at red lights, likes to
mix the intellectual with the physical, and doesn't need to be manipulated with theater, restaurants, and traveling
although I like all of the above too. I'm physically active and in shape and if our relationship expands to dancing, I
can do. Guaranteed that I won't show up with bad teeth, bad breadth, sloppy tees or Dunlaps’ disease (stomach dun
laps over the belt). And please, if you suck on lemon pits after midnight and ride broom handles, don't respond
unless only for a one night stand.”
What is a wuss? David DeAngelo defines a wuss as a nice guy who kisses up to women, but gets no
where with women cause nice is not nice. So, I’ll wait and see!!
I received a “no thank you from a gal I winked at and I figured I’d have some fun and returned this
email:
Subject: It’s so hard to accept!!
Got your rejection. I wasn't so interested in you either--you're inconsistant. is it 54 or 52? what gives?
Anyway you probably believed everything in my profile that my alter ego wrote and it didn't make you
smile or laugh so we certainly wouldn't possibly ever be a match. Besides you have a goofy smile to
boot.
Richard
She didn’t respond—no sense of humor, I guess.
After about 6 weeks with the profile, I was definitely not getting as much play as I had with my first
profile. It seemed that I received considerable interest without my photo, but overall by the time you
deal with the hassle of getting their private email and sending the photos, you lose a lot of valuable time
which means that I recommend using photos if for no other reason than to save a lot of time. I can’t say
that the response without a photo was bad as there seem to be enough women who can get intrigued with
a provocative profile.
Since my relationship with Linda was going sour, I was glad that I was still dating my Olga in Brooklyn.
Since I had been seeing her less and Linda more, Olga had been getting the feeling that I wasn’t
interested in her. What is this with Russian women any way. They all have the same names: Olga,
Lumulia,
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Anyway, one morning after we had gotten up and had breakfast we were on her couch and the subject of
our relationship arose. For the first time in seven months we actually talked about us. She believed that I
was just using her for sex and didn’t really respect her. In fact she was wondering if I was thinking that
she was stupid or somehow beneath me.
I had some problems with our relationship that I generally avoided dealing with as I didn’t think she’d
understand my position. For instance, I often felt ignored if I arrived early and she hadn’t finished
cleaning the apartment. She’d get upset with me for arriving before she had finished cleaning and she’s
be all flustered as she finished cleaning her apartment. I’d ask to help and she’d just tell me that she’d
get done faster if she did the cleaning herself.
Then if she had to work the next day, it was like she closed the door on me and ignored me. I understood
her inability to handle these situations and didn’t take it personally although I didn’t think I wanted to be
in relationship with someone who was limited in that respect.
She had taken me to the opera, Tosca, for my birthday. She made arrangements with some
acquaintances to get them tickets. Then she got all stressed out waiting for them. It was a cold damp
rainy evening and she stood outside by the fountain under an umbrella waiting. I made myself busy
talking with a good friend of hers. We both felt badly for her. She said it didn’t bother her and it was
clear that she was stressed.
Because I didn’t talk a lot, she was beginning to think that I thought she was stupid. I told her that I
really had a tremendous amount of respect for her as she had an incredible job teaching English to
immigrants who could only speak their native languages—from over fifty different countries. In other
words, how do you teach a language to someone who you don’t even know how to speak his/her
language? My hat went off to her in that regard. Being Russian and only in this country for ten years,
she had an incredibly intriguing voice—I saved all her voice mails and would listen to them when I was
down. I still have some of them.
I could say that just listening to her voice caused me to love her. But that didn’t make us a match. Yes, I
loved her and yet we weren’t a match. She thought I was bored with Tosca and the symphonies we went
to in the city and the parks. She was the social director and I was totally appreciative of all the things we
did including the art exhibit—Salvatore Dali--that we drove to Philadelphia to see with her gay friend.
But she thought that because it was rarely my idea to do any of this stuff that I didn’t really want to do it
and was bored.
She also thought that I didn’t like her gay friend that went with us to Tosca. I couldn’t believe she had
all these doubts. I affirmed that I really liked her gay friend as a friend, enjoyed all the cultural things we
did together, really appreciated and respected her talent and intelligence, really loved her, and
unfortunately really didn’t see us as a match for several basic reasons. First, we weren’t compatible
sleeping together. She was a very light sleeper and I’d end up sleeping on the edge of the bed fearful that
if I moved, she’d wake up. I couldn’t coddle with her or hug her as we lay in bed. If I held her for more
that two minutes, we’d be both burning up temperature wise. I also felt like extra baggage if I arrived
before she finished cleaning the apartment. She’d let me know what an imposition I was by being early.
Or if she had to get up for work the next day, she’d just shut down and ignore me—not that I need
constant attention, but I do like being acknowledged as being there. The irony was that if I took my
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laptop with me to work on a project, she’d feel all left out, ignored, and get angry with me. And since
she couldn’t retire for another six years, I didn’t see any possibility of it being any different any time
soon. She also wanted a traveling partner and didn’t want to hang around during the summer when she
was off of work. I wasn’t interested in doing a lot of travel.
We aired our feelings, understood each other, kissed, and then made love on the couch. We dated
another month or so up until the time she left for her three week summer vacation to Italy. I haven’t seen
her since. About a week before she left, I met my match, who I introduce in Part V.
So, since I knew Olga was going to Italy for three weeks and that we weren’t a match, it was time to get
serious again with the profile. I took 95% of my original profile and some highlights from the one above
and created this one:
“I am a sensual, romantic, fun loving fellow in search of a woman whom I can dote upon, bring flowers,
or take shopping for knick knacks, jewelry, sexy lingerie... for no particular reason other than to say "I
love you." I am a good listener, love to share, spiritual, creative, and intelligent. I'm not into drugs,
booze or gambling. I jog, rebound, do yoga, and dance to stay in shape.
I enjoy romantic walks on the beach, vacations to Hawaii, the Pocono’s or any romantic spot. I am selfemployed with varied business interests that range from stress management to manufacturing.
I am and in search of a woman who is self assured, confident, and will spoil me as much as I spoil her. I
love a woman who is sensual, warm, compassionate, and romantic. One that feels comfortable with
herself, enjoys letting the girl within her express herself, and likes to steal kisses at a red lights. One who
enjoys mixing the physical with the intellectual. A spontaneous person who enjoys family and enjoys
having help in the kitchen as much as she enjoys a five star restaurant and trips to the big Apple. A
woman who I can passionately support in her interests and likewise be supported in mine. A woman
who will be my best friend for the next 30 or 40 years, enjoys cuddling by the fire place, sensual
massages, my best friend, and if your tired of not having a soul mate--your soul mate.
Guaranteed that I won't show up with bad teeth, bad breadth, sloppy tees or Dunlaps disease (stomach
dun laps over the belt). So unless you suck on lemon pits after midnight and ride broom handles, please
respond and perhaps at some point you'll invite me to make you the best tasting shrimp scampi (I cook
too) in the country.”
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PART V
INTRODUCTION
Internet dating New approach—last chapter but not because of new approach although of all the
approaches, I’d recommend it as tops.
CHAPTER I – THE FINAL APPROACH (KISS)
The cocky funny stuff is a challenge for me, maybe turns off some good prospects at the early stage so
this is my latest approach—simple and sweet. As they say, “Keep It Simple Stupid.”
Subject: Maybe
Maybe we're looking for the same things??
Richard
Here’s the first response I received:
fendigirl712's profile
Subject: RE: Maybe
and what might that be? Elaborate?
I responded with:
HI,
Aren't you looking for someone to take out the garbage, go shopping with you to the mall and enjoy it,
kill the big bad spider, help water the flowers, cut the grass and weed the garden, take the dog to the vet,
help you drop your car off for service, pick up the pizza and candles for the table on the way home, be a
great step dad if needed, keep the gutters clean, help with the ironing and laundry, make sure the toilet
lid is always down, keeps in shape physically with the body of a thirty-five year old, be a great listener,
challenge you intellectually, make a scrumptious dinners all on his own, share a bottle of wine in front
of the fireplace on a cozy couch, pig out with beer and crabs, oysters, or lobster, and make "making
reservations." the hardest dinner for you to make because he loves you!!!!!!!!
Plus have someone to wake up with every morning that you really care about and visa versa. And have
someone who is more fun to be with than the most magical place in the world so it really never matters
whether you go to Spain, Hawaii, the Met, or the back yard or what you do for it will always be
fantastic with that person.
“How about you, what do you bring to the relationship?” Please elaborate!!!!
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Richard,
She promptly emailed me the next morning:
Subject: RE: Re: serious answer to your question
You hit it on the nose, that's what I have been looking for all my life and didn't
think anyone existed like that. You can rest assure that I have no children and am
free of entanglements, of course with the exception of my obligations to work as I
am a high school teacher of foreign languages. But for now I am off since its
summertime.
I will bring my warm and sensitive compassionate nature to the relationship with
my unique cooking skills and many humorous jokes to brighten your day.
My email address is efunari@eden.xxxx.edu
or efunari@xxxx.org
Have a great day.
Fendigirl
I waited to the end of the day and returned this email to her:
Subject: What you’ve been looking for is here!!!
Fendigirl,
Ok, please brighten my day with a humorous note. When I grow up I'm going to
be a stand up comic. Working on my routine daily. Guarantee--no bathroom
jokes!!!
Unique cooking skills???? You have me intrigued. Elaborate please....So you
thought guys like me didn't exist?? My ex had me well trained and I liked it except
for taking out the garbage--never have liked that chore, but someone's got to do
it, right?
Foreign languages??? French, Russian, Spanish, German, or Brooklynese???
Spanish, right??
So what do you do with all your spare time now that you're off for the
summer????
Would you like to have coffee tomorrow evening? or should be talk first--make
sure there's an attraction in our voices. Guaranatee my voice to never be confused
with Alvin of the chip monks or pee wee herman.
And what is your name and the significance of Fendigirl???
Have fanastic day,
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Richard
908-xxx-xxxx or if you prefer to email me your number and I'll call you--promise
not to write it on walls in public places.
Hello,
No I am not idling for the summer, I am in classes at Rutgers working on
my Masters in Italian and Education. Now you know what I teach, since
you never mentioned Italian as one of the languages. If you so wish to
speak my number is 732-261-6853. I am free after 12 noon and then I will
be lolling at poolside this afternoon since it will be a scorcher and I
like to maintain a tan for the summer, since it alleviates the use of
cosmetics. Look forward to hearing your Alvin or Pee Wee voice.
Stay cool
And then she sent another email:
My name as you know by now is Enrica and I forgot to tell you that
Fendigirl stands for the Italian designer Fendi. There are five Fendi
sisters and they have been designers of very illustrous handbags and
fashion accessories and clothes for many years. They are much more
affluent than Coach. They are on the same order as Versace and Armani.
So since I own several bags I consider myself a fendigirl. Have a great
day,
Enrica
Being that I could care less about handbags I called her to catch her in the pool cooling off. I teased her
about being a handbag girl and we talked briefly. Wanted to make a coffee date for the same evening but
she wasn’t free. And I am booked with dates for the rest of the week and into the weekend.
I never followed up as I went into chapter II.
205
CHAPTER II -- LET’S GO FOR CHINESE
And I don’t mean wonton soup. I winked at this woman—her photo makes her appear young, heavy,
and unattractive. I thought I’d practice my David DAngelo approach, which I felt like a kindergarten child
learning algebra, on her and we’d just use each other for sex.
I received this reply from her.
HI
nancyxu's profile
Hi
Actually I work in Middletown, so I was
wondering if you interesting in having a cup
of coffee or a conversation....all right, let
me know
47-year-old woman
Edison, NJ, US
Seeking
men 40-60
Active within 1 hour
Nancy
I replied:
Hi Nancy,
Coffee would be great. Where do you work? and what are your hours?
Richard
She replied:
Hi Richard
I work at a Cosmetic Store route on route 35, 5 days a weeks but Wednesday and
Sunday from 10-7.....How about you?
Nancy
I replied:
Good Morning Nancy,
Is that the store in the Stop and Shop/Kohl's shopping center?
Me, I have a small manufacturing company in Red Bank.
Do you have any plans for today? Was supposed to have my son--he's 16 but then
last minute he tells me that he and his mother are leaving to visit his older sister
in DC--was planning to whip his butt in tennis, but that'll have to wait.
Call me,
206
Richard
908-xxx-XXXX
I called her and her English wasn’t the best. It took me 10 minutes with her on the
phone just to find out where the salon was. And it is just a mile from my home.
When I first laid eyes upon her, I must say that I was
pleasantly surprised as from her main photo, she
didn’t look very attractive. It was a lunch time date for
coffee. First I drove to a Friendly’s restaurant which is
just a block away from her salon. As we sat down, I
decided that it was just too noisy with the kids so I
suggested my place for coffee. But my place was
unfinished. I was just moving into a section of my
house that was rented to someone else. The only
place I had a sofa was in a basement bedroom which smelled musty and moldy.
I had some wine coolers left over from another match date so we had a wine
cooler and tried some awkward conversation—awkward in that she didn’t speak
great English. I learned a little bit about her—divorced, came to US eight years
ago, has a 21 year old daughter, worked hard, got her own salon…
Then, after she got off work, I picked her up and took her to my place for a salad.
It was a hot summer day and the only cool room in my house is a basement
bedroom with a love seat so we ate the salad on the love seat. Then I suggested
that we go to the beach. It was already dark and there was no moon. The first
beach, Sandy Hook, was deserted and it was scary. We just walked onto the dark
beach when realizing it was scary for me that it must be scary for her so I turned
immediately and said, “Let’s go—too dark.” She didn’t argue.
We then went to Sea Bright beach which had residual light from the town and
some other people on the beach. We walked a hundred yards or so and I turned
and simply embraced her, but didn’t kiss her. We just hugged and then I broke it
off. Trying David D’s stuff. We left and went back to my musty basement, had a
wine cooler and attempted verbal communication. She basically wanted a good
man who would be kind to her. Seems like most foreign women want the same
thing—foreign men must be mean as hell.
A few weeks later she admitted that she thought I was going to rape and murder
her at the dark desolate beach.
The most I did was to touch her neck and hair and then I took her home.
Our next date was the following lunch. Again it was a basement date. After we had
the lunch I made, I gave her four options: We go play miniature golf nearby, or we
207
could go outside on a blanket in the yard—beautiful day, or I could give her a
massage (new idea) on the nearby bed or we could kiss. She didn’t select a, b or c
so I began gently kissing her on the neck and fondling her hair. Then I moved
closer to her and began nuzzling her neck and gently running my finger over her
chest above her cleavage. The kissing was kept to touching of the lips and my
right forefinger explored under her bra—she didn’t resist. Soon we were physically
intimate.
As I left her I just wondered, why isn’t this easy with others. Most women are so
afraid of being used that they don’t go after what they want for fear that they will
be used. Here’s a woman who divorced her husband in China 12 years ago, moved
to Germany for a few years and then to the U.S. where she worked very hard
making little money. She brought her daughter to live with her as soon as she
could.
She devoted her first eight years to making ends meet and opening up her own
business. Then she joined match.com and her goal is to meet her husband. Who
knows, maybe she just did.
The irony!!! I dated Linda for about 6 weeks before we made love and in just two
days this woman, Nancy, stakes her claim or at least goes after it—go figure.
The next several days:
Generally, I have my son which would limit my social life, but it turned out that
my son had other plans so I saw her everyday. Love making was our primary
activity. I took her to Victoria Secret and invested $80 in sexy lingerie and thongs.
She looked great in them, but always put on her girdles to go home.
She began talking about marriage and noted that my home was out-of-date. I
heard this before from my ex-wife. So I began questioning her about what I could
do to make it livable for us.
The following night we went to an appliance store and she laid out $1,500 cash for
a new stainless fridge for my kitchen—or shall I say, “Our kitchen.”
I cancelled my membership with match.com and aside from a few Russian women
who send me emails on globalladies.com, I am out of circulation—actually I don’t
write them back so I’m really out of circulation.
The challenge will be to teach her English. She has a 21 year old daughter. In just
three weeks, we were talking about living together—well she’s talking about
getting married. At first she wouldn’t stay over night with me because she was
concerned what it would look like to her daughter and any one else that might find
out. But then, after our second week, she stayed overnight once that week. We
208
started in my bedroom and after we made love she had trouble breathing. She
thought it was because of the fan, so I took her to a bedroom with an air
conditioner but it had an uncomfortable single bed. We made love again and then
when the discomfort of the bed got to us, I took her to the basement bedroom
where we first made love, we made love again, and then finished out the night
there. The following week we stayed together again and this time adjusted the fan
in my bedroom so we could stay there all night. It’s fantastic in that we can
actually sleep holding each other.
Olga, my Brooklyn friend, and I slept together like my ex and I did—far apart. We
couldn’t touch each other without creating a furnace of heat. But with Nancy, we
can actually hold each other. And love making—we did it about six times in 24
hours. Like I’m addicted to love making with her. I almost don’t want us to have
other interests. I wonder how things will be when I work on the computer with her
around. Will she feel left out like my ex and Olga?
We looked at upgrading the kitchen with new cabinets, stove, and dishwasher.
She found my bathroom ancient and 50’s. I figured for a woman from China, her
tastes were amazing.
I suggested we expand the bathroom into my son’s bedroom which is adjacent my
bathroom, install a Jacuzzi, new shower, closets, and a his and her vanity. The
only challenge will be to motivate my son to taking another bedroom where he’ll
have his own bath room and lots of privacy for girlfriends.
Nancy has spent a lot of time in Germany and Budapest. She likes to travel but
doesn’t care about sight seeing. She could care less about doing cultural things in
the Big Apple. My Brooklyn girl friend, on the other hand, lived for culture. We saw
the NY Philharmonic four times in six months—we paid once in Lincoln Center and
happened to attend two performances for free at the Cathedral on 112 St
Manhattan July 4th and at Prospect Park. She took me to see Tosca—the opera—in
Lincoln Center for my Birthday and as the summer started we spent a lot of time
going to the famous Brighton beach where I googled at a lot of young gorgeous
Russian women in bikinis wishing I had the nerve to go there and meet one for
myself.
My relationship with Nancy continued to progress. For some reason she believes
that she’s not very attractive. Certainly her driver’s license photo which she used
for Match is less than attractive, but every time I gaze at her I can’t believe this
beautiful person 13 years younger than me is in my life.
Yes, we both want the same things—someone to take care of and visa versa. She
comes to my place and pitches right in helping clean and organize it. I tell her I’ll
hire a cleaning person and she points to herself. But my first question to myself
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was, “will I enjoy her company? If the sex wears off and now three weeks later,
instead of four times a day when we’re together, we make love twice (before we
go to sleep and in the morning before we get out of bed.)
What I like about her is that she just grabs my Johnson when she wants it. If it’s
hard in the morning, she’ll roll onto me and sit on it. She knows how to contract
her muscles to keep me hard and excited. As she sits on me, she goes from being
on her knees to her feet and does squats—only our organs are touching—exciting
as hell as she rises and falls and the amazing thing is that my dick doesn’t fall out
or get lost. We’ll make love for about 10 minutes or so and then we’ll roll over so
I’m on top. I’ve gotten used to not ejaculating in the morning—seems like our
experience at night is so powerful that there’s not enough energy to repeat in the
morning.
Nancy is in the skin business—she has a salon where she does facials and skin
regeneration. Somehow she got the idea that she should have cosmetic surgery on
her eyelids—too much skin. To me her eyes are the best anyone could hope for
and I discouraged her although I ended up driving her to NYC for the operation.
She had two strips of white tape across her eyes and was wiped out from the
operation. And there’s that question, “Will I really enjoy her company and
companionship?” It’s what I really liked about my ex—at least when she wasn’t on
some war path. After a month it seems that the answer is, “Yes!” She’s incredibly
intelligent and has a great sense of humor. We laugh a lot and enjoy each other’s
company. We took a trip together to Williamsburg for a few days where we spent
most of the time together in bed.
And that’s dangerous. Her doctor believes she’s too old to get pregnant and didn’t
recommend any birth control devices. The first month we were together, she went
about 33 days before her period started. She doesn’t want to have a baby. At day
30 we did the pregnancy test and it came up negative. She says in a kidding way
that she will sue her doctor if she pregnant. More like she will make her doctor, in
her words, “take it out!”
Actually I wouldn’t mind another child assuming I can financially swing it which is
basically dependent on selling a piece of property which has been up for sale for
about four months. But the kid would be 20 when we’re 80 and 67 respectively.
Wow—that would be amazing.
We took our trip to Williamsburg. I was wondering if it would be a boring six hour
ride—it wasn’t. We spent some of the time with English lessons. She told me how
the word foot got confused with food. Seems that the Chinese massage gal in her
salon wrote food massage on a sign instead of foot massage. She followed that
one with a joke that took place in kindergarten. The teacher asked the class what
the heart looks like and after some time little Joey says, “it has two legs.”
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The confused teacher asks, “well Joey, how do you know that?”
Joey replies, “last night I heard daddy say to my mother, ‘sweetheart, will you
separate your legs?’”
After I had laughed for ten minutes about the food massage thing, I laughed
another ten minutes about little Joey’s heart. And yes, we did play some
miniature golf and I bought a time share for our future use—anything to impress a
beautiful woman.
I told her I was writing this book and that I had taken myself off match.com. At
first she thought I was a player and dated a lot of women. I told her I met a lot of
women but really didn’t have much luck finding a serious relationship. I told her
this was my last chapter of the book and she thought it would be great to start a
new book with this chapter. Hey, why not.
Internet dating: Just keep doing it. You’ll most likely get further along than you
would on your own. Use David’s D’s stuff to whatever degree you’re comfortable
and keep on dating till you find your match.
How will you know? It’s more like, “how can you not know?”
American women? I don’t know. In comparison to Nancy, I’ve found the ones in
my age group—late 40’s thru late 50’s gilded, but then maybe I fed into that. You
can’t get lucky if you don’t play so play and stop feeling guilty about dating a lot of
women and some at the same time if you do it with integrity.
Be healthy and well!
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APPENDIX A
Let’s start by the staple #1—Perfect Rice. Many dishes go well with rice.
Use brown rice—long or short grain, it doesn’t matter. Later when you get fancy you can graduate to
risotto. Using a pot, add one cup of water and about a tablespoon of butter and bring it to a boil with the
top on—simply makes it faster to boil.
Then add in ½ cup of rice to the boiling water. If you want to rinse it in a strainer beforehand, that fine.
The most important thing is to reduce the heat on the burner to low as soon as the rice is added and place
the cover back on the pot. Thirty to forty minutes later for brown rice (twenty minutes for white rice)
you will have perfect rice without having to scrape it from the bottom of the pot. Flavor with salt, pepper
and butter as desired and serve.
Fancy Rice
Ok, let’s get fancy. How about rice with onion or peppers, or onion and peppers?
Cook your rice as instructed above. Use about 1/3 or a pepper (any color) and about 1/3 of an onion.
Chop the peppers and or onions into small square pieces about 3/8”. Sautee them as described below and
when rice is finished, add them to the rice and stir to mix them with the rice. Flavor with salt, pepper and
butter as desired and serve.
Staple #2 perfect pasta.
Sometimes you just want to break up the rice thing with pasta—it’s the easiest thing on the planet to
make. You can get fancy with meat or manara sauce, but let’s leave it simple.
Linguini, spaghetti, spirals or whatever: I prefer a spinach rice spaghetti style of pasta. Simply fill a
large pot half way with water, add a tablespoon of butter, cover it and bring to a boil. Then add in the
pasta and keep the heat on high for the recommended period of time (on the package—usually 8-to-11
minutes). Keep the cover off. Stir every few minutes to keep the pasta from clumping or sticking to the
bottom of the pot. When finished, dump into a colander and cover until you serve.
Serve with a fine grade of parmesan cheese sprinkled on top—I prefer sheep cheese.
Perfect Vegetables
Steamed—Cut your vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower, green beans). Place 1/2” water in the bottom of
a pot and bring to boil. Place the vegetables in the steamer and then into the hot water and cover. Steam
on high heat for 5 minutes.
To avoid your veggies getting too cold, melt butter with salt and pepper, or warm your favorite olive or
cooking oil flavored with salt and or pepper. You may also want to warm a bowl for the veggies.
Place veggies in the warm bowl and pour your butter sauce over them and stir to distribute the sauce. If
you like, flavor by sprinkling a tablespoon of parmesan cheese over the veggies and serve.
Perfect Vegetables
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Sautéed— green beans, collard greens, spinach, broccoli. Use a large 13” pan with cover. Place a
tablespoon of your favorite olive or cooking oil in the pan along with your vegetables. If you’re using
spinach or collard greens, fill the pan to the top as when heated, the greens seems to disappear as they
shrink. Bring to medium low heat and cover. Stir every 4 or 5 minutes and add in chopped garlic after
about 6 or 7 minutes and stir. Avoid over heating as too much heat will burn the garlic along with your
veggies. The trick is to keep from burning the garlic so keep an eye on it and reduce heat when you
notice the garlic browning.
Perfect shrimp scampi for two
1 ¼ pound of raw shrimp
1 stick of butter
chopped garlic
parsley
lemon
Start the shrimp scampi about 10 minutes before the rice is finished. Melt one stick of butter on low
heat. While melting the butter, remove the shells from the shrimp.
Then add several cloves of chopped garlic to the melted butter and raise the heat slightly to brown the
garlic. You can get the garlic that’s already chopped or chop it yourself into small pieces—of course
remove the outer shell of the garlic before chopping.
Lay the shrimp in the butter—usually you will need a 13” pan to accommodate 1 ¼ pound of shrimp. Do
not place shrimp on top of each other—have them all touching the bottom of the pan. Once the shrimp
are distributed in the pan, sprinkle with parsley and squeeze in the juice from ½ of a lemon. Cover the
pan and let it cook the shrimp for about 3 minutes on a low-medium heat. Remove the cover after the
second or third minute to check to see if the shrimp are finished—their beautiful bottoms will be red and
the tops might still be pink. When you see the redness beginning to reach the top half of the shrimp, use
two forks to flip each one over and sprinkle more parsley on the flipped shrimp. Cover the pan for
another two to three minutes. It’s easy to see when they are finished—they are all red top to bottom.
If you have the luxury of heating the plates, do so and when the shrimp are ready, serve the rice first and
keep the rice covered to keep it warm. Using a large spoon, serve the shrimp and the butter garlic sauce
on top of the bed of rice.
There’s only one more thing to do and that is enjoy. Bread, optional, makes a great mop for the sauce
that no one can stand to see thrown away.
While we’re on the subject of seafood, how about King Crab legs—very easy dish.
Perfect King Crab Legs
1 ¾ pounds of king crab legs
1/3 stick of butter
lemon
Start the king crab about 10 minutes before the rice is finished. You’ll need pan with a cover large
enough to fit in the legs. Ideally, place a vegetable steamer in the bottom of the pan with about ½” of
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water. Bring it to a boil with the top in place, then place the crab legs in the pot and cover keeping the
heat on high for 5 minutes.
While the legs are steaming, melt ½ stick of butter in a small pot. Add the juice from about 1/3 of a
lemon to the butter.
Serve the rice and crab legs with the drawn butter and enjoy.
Perfect Lobster
2 lobsters 1 ¼ to 1 ¾ each
1/3 stick of butter
lemon
Start the lobsters about 20 minutes before the rice is finished. You’ll need a relatively large pot with a
top. Place the vegetable steamer in the bottom—not really necessary, but I like to use it to keep the
lobster from collecting too much water. Fill the bottom of the pot with ½” of water and bring to boil.
Place the lobsters in the pot and cover. Let them steam on high heat for about 14 minutes. If your
lobsters weigh more, you’ll need to add a few minutes to the steaming.
Heat the butter and add the juice from 1/3 of a lemon.
Serve with rice and enjoy.
Perfect Chicken in Wine Sauce
3 boneless chicken breasts
1/3 stick of butter
1 cup of white wine
lemon
salt and pepper
Start preparing the chicken 30 minutes before serving. Prepare the chicken (wash and slice thinly—
usually two to three pieces per breast depending on the thickness of the chicken breast.
You’ll need a 13” pan to fit all the chicken. Melt the butter in the pan on low heat and then place the
chicken—see below for breading option--in the butter. Make sure all the chicken is laid in the bottom of
the pan—no stacking. Turn the heat to medium low and let the chicken brown for about 5 minutes as
you sprinkle salt and pepper to your liking. Then flip over the pieces and brown the other side for about
4 minutes as you add more salt and pepper. Add one cup of white wine and the juice from 1/3 of a
lemon, cover and cook for about 5 minutes until the chicken is cooked through.
Lay a bed of rice on the plate and serve the rice and wine sauce on top. Enjoy
Breading option:
Like breaded chicken in wine sauce?
Egg
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½ cup of flour.
Place an egg in one bowl and mix to distribute the yoke. Place ½ cup of flour in another bowl.
Follow above instructions except before placing the chicken in the pan, wet it first (both sides), with the
egg and then dip in the flour (both sides), and then place it in the pan. Follow instructions for perfect
breaded chicken in wine sauce.
Perfect Lemon Butter Chicken
3 boneless chicken breasts
1 stick of butter
lemon
salt and pepper
Start preparing the chicken 30 minutes before serving. Prepare the chicken (wash and slice thinly—
usually two to three pieces per breast depending on the thickness of the chicken breast).
You’ll need a 13” pan to fit all the chicken. Melt all the butter in the pan on low heat and then place the
chicken—see below for breading option--in the butter. Make sure all the chicken is laid in the bottom of
the pan—no stacking. Turn the heat to medium low and let the chicken brown for about 5 minutes.
Sprinkle salt and pepper to your liking. Then flip over the pieces and brown the other side for about 4
minutes adding more salt and pepper. Add the juice from ½ to ¾ of a lemon, cover and cook for about 5
minutes until the chicken is cooked through.
Lay a bed of rice on the plate and serve the rice and wine sauce on top. Enjoy
Breading option:
Like breaded chicken in lemon butter sauce?
Egg
½ cup of flour.
Place an egg in one bowl and mix to distribute the yoke. Place ½ cup of flour in another bowl.
Follow above instructions except before placing the chicken in the pan, wet it first (both sides), with the
egg and then dip in the flour (both sides), and then place it in the pan. Follow instructions for perfect
breaded chicken in lemon butter sauce.
Ginger Chicken
Follow above instructions for Lemon Butter Chicken except use only the juice from 1/3 of a lemon and
lightly dust ginger powder over the chicken on each side as it’s cooking.
Perfect Sausage Peppers and Onions
1 lb of sausage
assortment of red and green plus orange and or yellow (if desired) peppers
1 large onion
red pepper spice (if desired)
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Place sausage in pan with low to medium heat and cover. Note: some like to boil sausage in the water
first for 10 minutes to remove excess fat and then place in pan to seer or brown.
Cut the peppers in strips from top to bottom about 3/8” wide. Cut the onion in half from top to bottom
and then in slices about the same width in the same direction. Place a tablespoon full of oil and about 5
tablespoons of water in a large stir fry pan and then add the onions and peppers and bring to medium
heat. Cover and stir every 5 minutes for a total of 20 minutes. Add salt, black and red pepper to flavor.
When the sausages are browned, slice* them with a slight diagonal cut into ½” pieces and stir them into
the peppers and onions and cover for 5 minutes or until the peppers are to your liking—some like them
soft and some like them a bit crunchy. Serve when ready.
Serve:
1: over brown rice.
2. *with a hoagie (you may want to leave the sausages full length as opposed to slicing them)
To add zest, serve with mustard and or ketchup. Peppers and onions can taste bland and empty—the
secret is the right amount of salt, but be careful. Too much salt and the dish is ruined. Too little and the
dish is tasteless. So it’s best to add as you are stirring during the last 10 minutes and constantly do taste
testing. Good thing to do with your date and a glass of beer. Her tastes may be different and her tastes
rule if you want any more dates as chef.
No dinner is complete without the Perfect Salad
Obtain at least 10 of the following ingredients:
Spinach, Romaine, Red or Green leaf lettuce
Roasted Red Peppers
Shredded Red Cabbage
Red Onion
Radishes
Tomatoes
Broccoli
Artichokes
Cucumber
Zucchini (any color)
Bacon bits
Cooked Shrimp
Red, Green, Yellow, or Orange Peppers
Celery
Walnuts
Croutons
Feta Cheese
Goat Cheese
Bleu Cheese or Gorgonzola
Parmesan Cheese
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Yellow Cheddar
Cabbot Habanero cheese (hot)
Jack or Pepper Jack Cheese
Mozzarella
The secret is in how the ingredients are sliced, cut or prepared. And if you’re uncertain about how to cut
any of the ingredients, ask her for her advice and tell her that you normally don’t use the ingredient in
your salad, but you wanted to be adventurous.
Rather than use one large bowl and then hope to transfer all the goodies, I like to make two separate
bowls of salad. I like my bowl to be at least 10” in diameter and three or four inches deep for a hearty
salad. Spoil her by making the salad to her specifications so she gets just the ingredients she likes. So
ask her about each ingredient before you put it in her salad—you may have some interesting discussions
about cucumbers.
Start with the green leafy stuff. If you’re using triple washed spinach you simply load each salad bowl to
near the top with spinach. If you’re using a leafy lettuce, rip off leaves and wash them to remove any grit
or dirt. Then break the leaves into small pieces about 2” by 2”. An easy way is to not break off the
leaves but to use a ginsu knife and cut from the top of the lettuce downward 2” towards the bottom,
rotate the head 90 degrees and do it again. Then take the knife and 1 ½” from the top cut across the top
of the head and let the pieces fall into a colander. You can continue the same procedure of cutting top to
bottom and across until you have enough lettuce and you’ll find that the pieces are in perfect size.
Roasted Red Peppers--Cut the roasted red peppers on a chopping block into bite size pieces before
adding to the salad—no certain way to cut.
Red Cabbage--Distribute shredded red cabbage as desired over the salad in each bowl.
Wash the radishes, cut off the top and bottom and discard. Slice the radish into each bowl about 1/8”
thick.
Cucumbers—Wash the cucumber and thinly slice approximately ¼ of a cucumber so you have circular
pieces about 1/4” thick
Zucchini-- Wash the zucchini and thinly slice approximately 1/4 of a zucchini so you have circular
pieces about 1/4” thick.
Celery--Wash a stick of celery and from the end of the widest part, make one or two cuts an inch or two
deep along the length of the stalk, and then make narrow slices (about ¼” wide) across from the bottom
where you end up with two or three pieces for each slice. When you’re into the narrow part of the stalk,
the cuts along the length are no longer necessary.
Red Onion—Remove the skin and cut off the top and or bottom. Make thin slices about 1/8” thick. You
don’t want to add too much since the taste of red onion is very strong. Only add about three or four
slices and separate the slices so you end up with narrow lengths of onion decorating the salad.
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Tomatoes—Cut into wedges—not slices although you can slice off the bottom a piece about and inch
thick and then cut that into four pieces and from there just cut wedges. No more than about two or three
wedges per salad.
Artichokes—cut them in quarters on the chopping block and add to the salad.
Add in your bacon bits or if you’re frying bacon, fry until crispy on medium heat. After it’s cooled,
break it into small pieces and add to the salad.
Nuts—Add pine nuts or alternatively use walnuts—break them into smaller pieces by crushing them in
your hand as you add them to the salad.
Peppers—One or two slices from top to bottom about ½” width and then cut into smaller pieces about
½” wide. Don’t overload the salad with too many peppers. One slice of each color is sufficient.
Broccoli—Cut off the smallest heads and if necessary cut them from top to bottom to reduce size.
Cheese--Add in three or more cheeses for flavor. Cut the cheddar or any solid block cheese into slices,
then strips, and then small pieces and add to the salad. Cut the mozzarella into small chunks. Sprinkle
feta and parmesan cheese over the salad. Add a few croutons if desired
Shrimp—Peel the shell and distribute on top of the salad.
Dressing—add the dressing, oil, or vinegar of your choice (usually this salad is so flavorful that little if
any salad dressing is required)
If you used shrimp, you may want to use the perfect shrimp cocktail sauce as dressing. The trick is to
have a little of everything and not a lot of any one thing. If your salad is successful, you and your date
will have a hungry feeling for dinner when you finish the salad as opposed to a feeling of fullness.
Perfect Shrimp Cocktail Sauce:
Golds hot horseradish
Katsup
Lemon
For two, use a teaspoon of hot horseradish and about three tablespoons of ketchup. Add in the juice from
1/3 of a medium size lemon and stir. Adjust the amount of horseradish according to your individual (her)
taste.
More dishes? Sure, you almost double your repertoire by using boneless pork or lamb chops to
substitute for the chicken in the above recipes. Once you master these, buy a cook book—you’re ready
to become a master chef.
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APPENDIX B
Eharmony focus on personality matches. One woman who subscribed to e-harmony .com described it as
very time consuming to complete the profile and after she invested $40 only received one or two
potential matches, one of which she was confused about because he lived in France. Her impression was
that eharmony.com focused more on the personality matches than anything else. Only problem was that
one of her matches was from France and the other she described as a reptile. Truth is some are time
consuming (up to 45 minutes) to complete the information required to sign up. In a year of Internet
dating I only met about three men and women who had experience with Eharmony and none were happy
with the service. You can spend your 45 minutes to complete the Eharmony questionnaire, but
Eharmony will not accept your subscription unless you are single or divorced—no separtees accepted.
Tickle.com is free and focuses on personality matches. However, when I searched, instead of receiving
local matches within the mileage parameters I specified, I received matches from all around the
country—hundreds and thousands of miles away and no way of telling if there was any criteria of the
search pertaining to personality. More recently –maybe every week or so--they have been sending a
collection of profiles similar to match.com that are in my geographical area—but often times photos are
missing.
Match.com also has personality matching available and has a counter that tells you how many have
reviewed your profile. It’s about $60 for a three month membership. They boast 15 million members and
I believe them. I can speak highly of the service, yet unless you know how to use the service, you can
literally get dropped from the searches even though you are still paying for the service as covered in
Chapter II.
.
For over 30”s http://www.thirtyplussingles.com/?affil=323
Singleme.com
Date.com
Matchmaker.com
Kiss.com goes to Udate.com fees are according to several plans $12.49/mo for 6 months, $16.65/mo for
3 months, or $24.95 for one month.
Americansingles.com
Some specialty dating services for the urban artistic group
Lavalife.com
Cupid.com
Udate.com
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Onespeciallove.com
Salon.com
Theonion.com
PlanetOutcome.com for gays/lesbions
For the Baby boomer set:
ThirdAgePersonals.com
SeniorFriendFinder.com
For other specialty dating:
AsianFriendFinder.com Asian focused
BlackPlanetLove.com
Jdate.com for Jewish focus. I talked to one lady who from Queens, NY, even though not Jewish,
reported it and match.com the only two quality sites for meeting people
Nerve.com was said to be sexually oriented. Researching it I found that most contacts were in the NY
city and the surrounding boroughs. The local contacts were mostly over 3 months old and most of the
profiles were looking for dating or serious relationships—very few for sexual playing. Charge is $24 for
25 units of voice mail
International:
Globalladies.com and rusianladies.com are two international sites. If you list yourself on either one, the
other one lists you as well. Listing is free and you can find literally thousands of beautiful young
women—mostly from the Slavic states. The ladies on globalladies email you for free and after viewing
their profile which gives you photo/s, stats (age, height, weight) children, and a rating of their ability to
speak English from one to five, you have an option to open each email sent to you. The email is usually
a standard email telling you about their interests and what they want in a relationship. The fee for
opening each translated email is $6. To return an email to a globalladie, the fee to you is $6.00 for
translation. You don’t have to open each email sent to you. Most women do not speak good English so
each email is sent to you or by you is interpreted to their language or visa versa. Drawbacks are that you
can not provide your email address or any url’s in your emails without them being removed by the
service. Telephone numbers are permitted and you need to sometimes use an interpreter at about $4 per
minute to communicate.
I leaned of this site from a friend who went to Russia to find his woman. She came back with him, lived
with him a few years and then left. I had received an email from supposedly a 25 yr old Russian girl
looking to relocate to the US. She wanted love and romance and it seemed too good to be true. However,
she never answered any of my questions about her family life and instead proceeded on a fast schedule
to Moscow where she was to get a flight to Paris and then to NYC. Her emails were very uplifting, real
220
sounding and exciting. And then she emails me telling me that she was $300 short in covering the cost
of the ticket and sent me a picture of her passport to prove she was intending to come.
Ironically I had spoken to an attractive woman I met at jury duty who told me some of the horror stories
of both either the women and guys getting ripped off. Until she sent me the email asking for $300, it
looked like a no brainer—a beautiful young woman willing to travel here for three months at her own
expense looking for romance and permanency. I’d be crazy not to have this beautiful woman fly here to
make love to me for three months to see if we’d be a match. But then I wondered how many other
emails she sent to other guys asking for $300. Or perhaps, she was not a she at all, but instead a 45 year
old geeky guy with a rip off scheme sending out spams pretending to be his niece. Her/his emails are
probably templates and the only work she did was to get the info of the next flight to my nearest airport.
The globalladies.com site suggests you never send money for a ticket. If anything, buy a nonrefundable
ticket that can’t be changed for her in her name and have her pick it up at the airline.
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APPENDIX C
Online store for Self Help and Self Improvement Audio Tapes Audio cd's
using Self Hypnosis, Subliminal Tapes, Meditation, Stress Management
FEATURING THE MOST ADVANCED THINKING ON THE PLANET FOR:
Improving Self Worth Dealing with Rejection
Overcoming Panic and Anxiety Attacks
Overcoming Shyness
Mastery of Public Speaking
Anger Management
Stress Management
Losing Weight Naturally and Fast
Self help programs for self improvement using audio tapes for: weight loss, stop smoking, stress management, self hypnosis, subliminal tapes, self
confidence, self-esteem, anger management, success, depression, anxiety, phobias, hypnosis, astral projections, deep relaxation, muscle relaxation
techniques and much more. The catalogue contains the bulk of the programs available. Programs specifically dealing with Stress Management are in
the Stress Management section and those for weight loss are in the weight loss section.
Executive Advancement Series Weight Management Series
Dealing with Rejection Series Emotional Health Series
Individual Programs
Activating Self Motivation
Affirmations
Affirmations for Baby
Age and Attitude (Happy Birthday)
Anger Management (Handling the Effects of Anger)
Anxiety and Panic Attacks
Astral Journey
Body Building/Improvement
Bust (Natural Bust Enlargement)
Children's Relaxation (Rip Van Winkle)
Creativity (enhance creativity)
Criticism (Handling Criticism)
Depression (Overcome Depression)
Dentistry (Painless)
Digestive Tract Problems
Enjoy Sex More (Female)
Enjoy Sex More (Male)
Falling In or Out of Love
Finding Lost Items
Health (Get Well Soon)
Heart (Strong Healthy Heart)
Hypnosis Explained
I Love Me
Insomnia
Internet Dating e-book
Life Crisis (Overcome Life Crisis)
Making Decisions
Meditation for Health
Past Life Age Regression
Pendulum (Using the Pendulum)
Phobias (Overcome Phobias)
Prosperity
Public Speaking (Mastery of Public Speaking)
Relaxation (Learn to Relax)
Relaxation (Deep Relaxation
Relaxation (Neck & Shoulder Relaxation)
Relaxation for Health
Relaxation (Total Body Relaxation)
Relationships (Ecstasy in Relationships)
Relationships (Making Relationships Work)
Sales (Subconscious Sales Power)
Self Hypnosis
Self Worth (Building Self Worth)
Self Confidence
Shyness (Over Come Shyness)
Sports (Improve Sports)
Stop Smoking Now
Study Habits (Improve Study Habits)
Success
Super Learning
Weight Loss
Habitual Eating
Emotional Eating
Self Destructive Eating
Binge Eating
Worry and Guilt
222
Home
About the Programs
Catalogue of Programs
Stress Management
Panic and Anxiety Attacks
Lose Weight
stop smoking
Pendulums
Coral Calcium
Carreer opportunities
Order Forms and Specials
Link to this site
Self Help Resources
Body Building
Menopause and Black Cohosh
Panic & Anxiety
Get rid of facial lesions with Mary
Kay
A one hour presentation entitled "Wakened Hypnosis in the treatment of Anxiety and Panic
Attacks —New Treatment For Anxiety, Panic Attacks And Associated Depression" which
demonstrated a success rate of 80% was presented by Richard Kuhns B.S.Ch.E. on 8/14/05 to over
100 professionals during the National Guild of Hypnosis, NGH, national convention held in
Marlborough, Masse. For a video of the presentation, contact the National Guild. It will be given
once again during the Aug 2006 Convention to be held at the Royal Plaza Hotel in
Marlborough, Massachusetts. Dates for the convention are from 8/11/06 thru 8/13/06.
Click here for presentation outline
For information on how to join contact:
National Guild of Hypnotists,
5703 Red Bug Lake Rd., #403
Winter Springs, FL 32708
407-678-8956o Fax 407-678-8173
E-mail: nghfloridaoffice@aol.com
The next convention is scheduled for August 11-13,2006. Call for details
panic and anxiety for the professional
There are three levels of self help self improvement programs available. The cognitions
are the difference--it's in the thinking--the ability to change perspectives, for example,
take a negative and make it into a positive, learn from mistakes, and so on.
Level I Programs are listed for under $10.00 and are comparable to other audio
programs in the market place selling for $14 or more.
Level II Programs are listed for under $20.00. They are a cut above any other self help
programs and would usually require an investment of 3 or more cassette tapes for
$49.00+ to attain the same results. Some are subliminal tapes.
Level III Programs listed for under $35.00 and are equivalent to other self help
programs consisting of a half dozen cassettes at a value of $199.00 or more. Most
aresubliminal tapes to boost their effectiveness.
Save time, use our search tool to find the program you want. Click Here to Search This
Site
Cassette Close Out
Most cassette programs range between $7.95 and $24.95
each. While supply lasts, you can obtain some of these valuable programs for up to
70% off. Why so inexpensive? Click here!
PLEASE NOTE:
All prices given are internet pricing and only apply to purchases made through our online cart. Orders placed by phone or mail--add 20% to all pricing. If you don't have a paypal account--no problem.
You can use any credit card at the check out. Paypal will accept it and give you the option of opening a paypal
account.
223
Now, a little about them and myself, the author.
The services and programs are the result of 20 years’ private practice in Stress Management consulting. I, Richard
Kuhns, retired from both the Biofeedback Center of NJ and Hypnosis Consultants am the creator of all the
programs in this web site. While in private practice, I was certified as a biofeedback and hypnosis technician by the
AAEH and the National Guild of Hypnotists. I worked with area psychologists and psychiatrists. My programs
incorporate awareness, (biofeedback), hypnosis, cognitive restructuring, nutrition and sound stress management
techniques that go beyond the norm to what is the most advanced and progressive thinking on the planet.
"OK," you ask, "but what does this Richard Kuhns guy sound and look like?" Absolutely, before I'd invest in these
programs, I certainly would like a voice and maybe a video sampling and here it is. Audio Link 400 streaming.mov
256_download.wmv
I specialized in:
Group hypnosis programs for reduction or elimination of smoking and weight management.
Hypnosis for building confidence, improving performance in sports, study habits, and so on....
Biofeedback for psycho physiologic disorders such as headache, neck ache, migraines, hypertension, and so on.
While standard protocols of stress management utilizing biofeedback and various relaxation therapies worked well
for alleviation of migraine and tension headaches, they failed miserably with anxiety and panic disorders,
depression, colitis and ileitis. Ultimately successful cognitive restructuring for anxiety and panic attacks, and colitis and
ileitis were developed.
Key words: self help audio tapes
self improvement
self hypnosis
subliminal tapes
stress management
Resource Links
1-800-993-0929 (ask for Centered Self Tape division) 732-224-0540 fax
Home / About the Cassettes / the Catalog / Order Form and Specials
/ Weight Management / Stress Management /
This web site designed by all-in-one-video.com
Ana Health - Your health information resource!
224

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