article on conscious dance

your
d
d
a
t
s
ju
o
heart
wn
by katie geddes ulanov
this is one
dancer’s mini
odyssey
it starts with
sweat
Sunlight played on lazy
cobblestones on a winding
summer day. West
Village streets,
narrow and quiet,
spilled buckets
of flowers from
restaurant
edges and a feeling
of time crossing. I was going
to my first 5Rhythms dance
class. I was not prepared. In
any way. Didn’t know what
to wear. Didn’t know what
to expect. Hadn’t done
significant exercise or danced
in years. Only knew the
person who suggested I go.
I was nervous and hadn’t
slept well the night before.
But I was glad to be there
and curious.
Thus began my life-changing
love affair with conscious
dance.
Phase I: sweat beyond belief.
My first class didn’t elicit
ecstasy, although I hadn’t ever
at left: the author lets loose with dancing friends
sweated that much in my life.
I was soaked through and
danced the full two hours.
It felt like I had new skin.
Tingly. I have always loved
dancing, just didn’t know
what to make of this
form. I felt slightly
off in my bare feet,
not to mention
short without
my heels and
my normally out
of control hair was fullon chaos from dancing and
being drenched. In case you
didn’t know, it’s supposed to
be. But I didn’t know. No way,
no how would I ever in my
wildest dreams have guessed
what was to follow in ensuing
months. The heart opening,
friend making, body teaching,
consciousness expanding,
hugely pain-filled ride into
my own heart lay ahead.
Funny what god(dess) has in
store for us.
pain
Vulnerable confessions
are required to fully tell
this story. Before starting
5Rhythms dance, I appeared
to be a happy person with
a darn cool self-created
job (graphic design), a darn
cool apartment (great colors
and space), a truly cool cat
(Autumn), a pretty
cool car and
other decent
life accessories.
Despite this,
“leading a life
of quiet desperation”
(Thoreau) had taken hold and
I was at a breaking point I
couldn’t have defined. Perfect
recipe for conscious dance to
snake its alluring self into my
every pore and shake me into
a total mess of awareness.
It took me a month to go
back to class. I enjoyed
dancing and wanted to
further explore what
people were talking about,
as I began to hear what
freeform dancing can lead
to. I decided to be brave and
take a full workshop. Waves,
taught by Tammy Burstein
(tammyburstein.com), was
my gateway into a brave
new world.
Phase II: pain.
Not physical pain. That’s too
easy. You can take aspirin or
have an operation. This is
pain only your heart, soul,
grace and love can heal. And
it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
I was grateful that my body
held up fine as I danced more.
I was loosening up in my
dance and beginning to
make friends.
The first surprising experience
was at the end of this
workshop. Tammy had us
exploring chaos. People
were sharing impressions.
The feeling of love was
potent. One woman made
an interesting comment that
following a leader brought up
uncomfortable feelings for
her because she grew up in a
dictatorship. I began to feel
how deep our dancing goes.
We had done an exercise
where we struggled against
chaos and the uniqueness of
everyone’s response moved
me immensely. When I spoke
about this, it brought me
suddenly to tears. My tears
came from deep within, from
a place of gratitude. I felt
shocked. I’ve witnessed this in
beloved
fellow
dancers
since. The
experience was transforming
and the first of many. When
I went to thank Tammy for
the workshop, I couldn’t stop
crying. I didn’t know what was
happening. She did.
Pain I encounter is on many
levels and continues to
amaze me. I feel pain for the
things I didn’t see earlier. I
feel pain over what feels like
wasted time. I feel pain from
the force of love flowing
through me. I feel pain as
I grow.
On a practical level, I woke
up. Things started to shift in
my life. I was quickly able to
get up early in the morning,
something I had not done
easily for 10+ years. I
was sleep deprived
(see love, below)
but my body
wouldn’t sleep
in. I hadn’t eaten
breakfast almost my
whole life. Never wanted to.
Tried it. Now, I was eating
breakfast and eating all day
too. Dancing burns calories.
Simple animal vitality goes
a long way to aligning all
parts of ourselves. I bless the
sunlight. I am touched greatly
by nature. I realize the magic
of life. I was motivated to go
to dance class more than I’ve
ever wanted to do anything.
Ever.
I started to have wondrous
experiences on the dance
floor. Raining flower petals,
at right: a floorful of dancing friends explore with the author
rivers at my feet, mist-filled
woods, mountainous treks
and more. Visions are not
mandatory for increased
consciousness but I sure have
them. Once I
had a waking
dream about
corporate
America and
fitting in with
challenges
and contentedness. I’ve seen
gorgeous colors and light
shows surrounding friends.
Cool stuff. Creates a mood.
But the biggest breakthroughs
are all about love. Read on.
fear
Phase III: fear.
Fear and bravery need each
other. Like pain, fear sounds
bad. But it’s normal to feel
fear. More than anything
in my life, this journey has
taught me that allowing
myself to feel things that
scare me or feel bad paves
the way for the most blissful
consciousness imaginable.
I wouldn’t wish the pain
I have felt on anyone yet
I wish it for everyone for
what it reveals. It’s one of
life’s mysteries that we learn
through difficulties.
Dancing enables me to face
my fears. What am I afraid
of? The unknown. Not
knowing where I am going.
Not knowing how to balance
all these passionate feelings
with daily life’s requirements.
I am afraid to be vulnerable.
Yet paradoxically,
vulnerability makes me
strong. I see this in my
community and I accept it in
myself. So I am willing.
Have you heard people say
you have to love yourself
before you can properly love
others? Exhibiting bravery in
the face of fear contributes
to loving oneself. And
internal fears are just as huge
as external threats. They can
know no bounds and be
even scarier.
Thanks to dancing, I trust
myself more. I trust myself
to keep going through
scary places. I’ve shown
compassion with myself. This
has paved the way for me to
be compassionate towards
others. I see that we are all in
this together. I know this in
a visceral way. It’s not a nice
thing to say; it’s the way it is.
Which leads to the biggest
surprise of all.
love
Phase IV: love, the payoff.
My heart cracked wide open
with the help of this practice.
It’s an important part of my
story to admit this personal
piece because “there is no
force but love,” says Rilke. I
had been wildly in love with
a man when I began this
practice. Several months after
I started dancing, he broke
up with me when I thought
we were doing magically
at left: an unexpected beautiful moment of connection in the world of conscious dance
well. Within about a week, he
came back for a few days and
then broke up again. The first
breakup brought thundering
personal realizations dancing
had been helping to enable
me to see. The second
time was the clincher. I was
devastated. Ready to be
reborn.
The agony felt like birth or
death and was both. I’ve
endured heartbreak
before. But this was
different. The pain
of having the man
I thought was the
love of my life
suddenly gone
combined with being in the
midst of my heart breaking
open in an even bigger sense
through dance — there must
be some scientific word for
the explosion.
Pain ripped through my body,
causing me to shake for
several days straight. I didn’t
sleep properly for months.
I couldn’t eat much. And all
the while, like baby buds
buried in piles of icy snow,
blossoms of the deepest new
kind of love were emerging.
There is no force but love.
When I lost the man I loved,
my heart burst open instead
of shutting closed. I’ll never
completely know why. I
attribute it to a mixture of
the nature of real love, the
magic of conscious dance
and grace.
we see ourselves reflected.
The love and kindness offered
as we expand is a gift. It
heals in itself. Fellow dancers
have exposed me to myriad
useful and fascinating healing
and artistic modalities (see
callout). My work, like most
of my friends in this practice,
is changing. The desire to
help is a natural result from
this big love. I’m listening
to life, which is constantly
providing opportunities for
connection. Also fun.
the author and friends led by Peter Fedora, certitfied 5Rhythms teacher
I realized I was allowed to
love the whole world and I
do. It was like my body just
getting up. I simply love. My
love has no bounds. It has
nothing to do with having
love reciprocated or not.
It’s that force Rilke names.
Mystics and sages and
poetry throughout time
have spoken of this love.
How could pain take you
to such a place? How could
dancing? All I can do is
be grateful and know the
truth like I’ve never known
anything. Love led me here.
Love leads me forward. Love
holds me. Love will see
me through.
inspiration
Phase V: inspiration and it
keeps going.
Inspiration and love go hand
in hand. They dance. For me,
though, my
awareness of
inspiration
follows
love. Love
is a wild
force that
can’t be stopped.
Inspiration can be tangled
or organized. I started to
become more creative than
I’ve ever felt as my practice
deepened. Ideas for projects
flow freely.
I never believed I was a
“real” artist despite working
in the arts. Since becoming
involved in 5Rhythms dance,
I have witnessed my own
creativity on a level where I
feel and know I am an artist.
Gabrielle Roth, the creator
of 5Rhythms, says we are
all artists. Just as we are all
dancers. All you have to do
is let yourself “be danced.”
Dancing enables these
pathways to open even if we
are consciously resistant
or unbelieving.
Art is an expression of
life, people, ideas, hearts,
experiences, anything and
everything in the universe
and beyond. Still, I didn’t
expect my dance and
witnessing the dances of
my incredibly varied tribe
to be so movingly expressive
to me.
As I have more experiences
of body intelligence, I am
no less astonished at its
brilliance. I respect our brains
and logical abilities. But they
can’t do everything for us.
They’re really just
cool tools. Go
deeper. Call it
heart, call it soul,
call it love; it’s
what guides us,
whether we realize it
or not. And it can be tapped
through a dancing body.
So go dance. Have fun. Break
yourself open. I have faith in
you. I love you. I may be all
shook up but this
is unshakeable.
There is a strong community
in my practice and their love
and friendship is a huge part
of my dancing and healing.
They whisked me out to
dinner when I wasn’t eating
(haven’t stopped eating
since) and immediately
offered creative ideas. Fellow
dancers are contributing to
my artistic pursuits and I am
collaborating as I’ve never
done. Pieces come together
with ease. Everything that
came before prepared me for
this but dancing and love let
it in.
The role others play in this
adventure is fundamental. In
a community like 5Rhythms,
the author and friend led by Peter Fedora, certitfied 5Rhythms teacher
healing
Here are some of the
healers I am grateful to be
connected with on this
journey.
azriel cohen
you are an animal
Fellow 5Rhythms
dancer Azriel
Cohen has
traveled the
world exploring the
human / animal connection.
Having lived in Israel, he
specializes in conflict
resolution. Azriel is trained
in somatic experiencing.
His research shows that
animals have instincts we can
understand to learn about
ourselves. Azriel is also a
fine artist and is working
with the author on her
upcoming dance clothing
line: embodywear.org.
azrielcohen.com
parashakti
soul
healing
Another
fellow
dancer,
Parashakti
helps usher in positive
energy and divest ourselves
of energies that are holding
us back. Using ancient rituals
and modern understanding,
Parashakti helps us honor
what matters.
truly is and what inspires
you rather than superficial
style choices.
dennydaikeler.com
parashakti.org
kate baker
dee behrman
voice healing
business & personal healing
Healing through the voice
provides incredible
power. Our
voices hold
trauma and
can release it.
Kate’s presence
and techniques
lead to a beautiful voice
and a
richer life.
Dee specializes in clearing
out personal and working
spaces, both
internally and
externally,
to allow for
maximum
creativity
and success.
Her sensitivity to the full
human being helps create
life changing outcomes.
organizeyourspace.com
denny daikeler
healing your home
Interior
designer
Denny is
the author
of “What
Color is
Your Slipcover?” A minister
and Continuum Movement
dancer, Denny offers unique
seminars and design services.
She helps create supportive
living and working spaces
that stem from who a person
katebakerjazz.com
lewis white
healing your psyche
If your wings are closed
over your heart, how
can you fly? When
we spread our wings,
our heart becomes
vulnerable — but we
fly. Don’t be afraid. “All
shall be well, and all shall be
well, and all manner of thing
shall be well.” — Julian of
Norwich.
consciousheart.org
credits
Katie Geddes Ulanov plays with art
(embodyart.org)
Photography by Susan Farley
(susanfarley.com)
Women’s clothing by Ipseity
(ipseitydesigns.com)