Mikayla Kenzie Smith Lawton/Ft. Sill Chapter Newsletter August

August 2014 Page 1 of 8
Lawton/Ft. Sill Chapter
Newsletter
August 2014
The mission statement of The Compassionate Friends: When a child dies, at any age, the family suffers
intense pain and may feel hopeless and isolated. The Compassionate Friends provides highly personal
comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a
sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family. (Adopted 2-25-2012)
The vision statement of The Compassionate Friends is that everyone who needs us will find us and
everyone who finds us will be helped.
Contact information:
TCF National Office
P.O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, Il 60522-3696
Tel. (630) 990-0010
Toll free (877) 969-0010
Online resources & e-mail
www.compassionatefriends.org
Oklahoma Area Coordinator:
Gary Clark
Lawton/Ft. Sill Chapter
P.O. Box 3575
Lawton, OK 73502
tcflawtonftsill@gmail.com
Phone: (580) 215-3479
This newsletter is in Loving Memory of:
Mikayla Kenzie Smith
Upcoming Meetings:
Meetings are held the first Thursday
of each month.
6:30 – 8:30 P.M.
Comanche County Memorial Hospital
Maple Room 2
(Close-by the cafeteria)
Please use the entrance closest to the
cafeteria – between the Outpatient Clinic &
Long Term Care Facility
August 7, 2014
Topic: “I’ll take that one, please.”
We will share coping mechanisms.
September 4, 2014
Topic: “Skittles”
The activity will allow members to
get to know each other better.
Upcoming Events:
Balloon Release & Potluck dinner
Santa House
Elmer Thomas Park
Aug 23, 2014
Time: 6:30 P.M.
Please bring your own chairs.
August 2014 Page 2 of 8
July 2
Zachary James Cook
Son of Christa Cook
July 13
Everett R. Hall Jr.
Son of Marie Bell
July 1
Patricia L. Cornegay
Daughter of Maxine Cornegay
July 2
Michael George Salas
Son of Dan & Sheryl Mather
July 16
Andrea Nell Kay Biggers
Daughter of Jonathan Biggers
July 6
Jani Marie Hawkey
Daughter of Gina Hawkey
Granddaughter of Lewis & Veda Hawkey
July 21
Luis Angel Lopez III
Grandson of Hope Maldonado
July 12
Everett R. Hall Jr.
Son of Marie Bell
July 22
Jack Meissner
Son of John & Carol Meissner
July 16
Michael Emery Lindley
Son of David & Wendi Lindley
July 23
Dalton Ray Dawdy
Son of Jamie Dawdy
July 16
Ricky McDaniel
Son of Bernetta Rice-McDaniel
July 25
Jeremy Wayne Beck
Son of Carol Shaw
July 17
Jason Ridgely Taylor
Son of Tracy Taylor
July 29
Jalen Southern
Son of Katherine & Derrick Biggom
Grandson of Julie & Ed Mayfield
July 18
Jerry Eldon Stevens II
Son of Tina Carroll-Stevens
July 29
Helen “Curley” Tribbey
Sister of Melody “Mel” White
July 30
Lisa Maree Myers
Daughter of Violet Aitson
July 19
Jeffry Lee King Jr
Son of Flo King
July 25
Wolfgang John Cecil Cruse, Jr.
Son of Melinda Cruse
Brother of Tori
July 27
Jennifer Lynn Brown
Daughter of Judy Branstetter
August 2014 Page 3 of 8
Aug. 4
Taylor Don Heintzelman
Son of LaDonna Heintzelman
Aug. 2
Leon Lee Burnett, Jr.
Son of Jennifer Burnett
Aug. 10
Robert (Bobby) Wayne Simmons, Jr. Son of
Melissa Brandon
Aug. 9
Sabrena Bolden
Daughter of Sharon Hutchinson
Aug. 14
Errol A. Hawkey
Son of Dick & Jan Ethell
Grandson of Veda & Lewis Hawkey
Aug. 10
Derrick Ray Heilaman
Son of Sharon Heilaman
Aug. 15
Jennifer Brown
Daughter of Judy Branstetter
August 21
Mikayla Kenzie Smith
daughter of Kenny and Georgia Smith
Aug. 21
Derrick Ray Heilaman
Son of Sharon Heilaman
Aug. 22
Lacey Tahsequah
Daughter of Lesha Tahsequah
Aug. 23
Kyle Bryan Nottingham
Son of Jerry & Wynona Nottingham
Aug. 27
Martin S. “Marty” Jones
Son of George & Sue Jones
Aug. 10
David Skylor York
Son of LaTasha York
Aug. 17
Amber Michelle Shelkett Mallow
Daughter of Gene & Sherry Shelkett
Aug. 19
Mariah Claire Tendall
Daughter of Dan & Gudrun Tendall
Aug. 20
Travis E. Delcamp
Son of Nancy & Tommy Barnes
Aug. 21
Amiyan Rae Vetter
Daughter of Lisa & George Gardipc
Aug. 25
Ricky Gene Ehrlich
Son of Linda Ehrlich
August 2014 Page 4 of 8
Chapter Leaders:
Goody Tendall
(580) 678-9024
tcfgoody@gmail.com
Brenda Sippel
Newsletter Editor:
Gina Hawkey
ginatcf@gmail.com
Loving Listeners:
(when you need a friend to talk to)
Suicide:
Sudden Death:
Adult Child:
Miscarriage/Infant Death:
Murder:
Carolyn
Goody
Glenda
Dottie
Kathy
(580) 492-6388
(580) 678-9024
(580) 529-2879
(580) 583-5143
(580) 699-2473
Hello everyone, hope you enjoyed some of the unusual cooler summer days we are having
(July19th ).
Let me start with an apology regarding our chapter performance for the last couple of months. A
combination of traveling (myself & Linda (gone most of the summer)), Brenda's 2 month hospital
stay, Carolyn's & hubbies health issues, Gina's new career, family & 4-H activities left our chapter
support activities in a bind. We have all the intention to get back on track and continue with our goal
to reach out to our bereaved families after child loss.
The chapter is in dire need of help from our members. We have several areas that we could use
help, some are more physical support (due to age and physical limitations some of us older folks are
not able to continue), several of the jobs can be done from home without actually attending the
monthly meetings like sending cards to our members remembering the special days of their child
gone too soon, (but we also like to see you at our monthly meetings). We are looking for someone
in charge of handling the decoration at Christmas time of our Children's memorial garden (that
person would stay in contact with the Park and Recreation and let the members know when to meet
for setting up and later for taking down. We need a PR person that can contact the media in our
area (Lawton and surrounding towns) letting them know of special events, like our Walk to
Remember, Brick Dedications (dates vary), our World Wide Candle lighting, etc. If you think that is a
"job" for you please contact us. Without added help the future of our chapter could be in jeopardy.
Hope to see you all at our August 7th meeting at CCMH. Maple room 2
Birthday Table
In the month of your child’s birthday, a
Birthday Table is provided where you can
share photos, mementos, your child’s
favorite snack or a birthday cake, a
bouquet of flowers – anything you’d like to
bring to share. We want to know your child
better, so please take advantage of this
opportunity to celebrate the wonderful
day your child was born.
If you would like to receive the newsletter by
email, please send me a message at
ginatcf@gmail.com.
Also, if you have a story, poem, or any contribution
for the newsletter please send it. I can be
contacted either by email ginatcf@gmail.com or by
snail mail at 15907 SE Woodlawn Rd
Lawton, OK 73501.
I will include as much as I can each month.
Gina
August 2014 Page 5 of 8
Gifts of Love
A love gift is a gift of money to the Lawton/ Ft. Sill Chapter of The
Compassionate Friends. It is usually in honor of a child who has died, but it can
also be from individuals who want to honor a relative or friend who has died, a
gift of thanksgiving that their own children are alive and well, or simply a gift
from someone who wants to help in the work of our chapter.
All chapters within TCF are totally dependent on funds from our families. We DO
NOT receive funds from our National Office. Everything we need to operate our
chapter is paid directly from our local resources and our local family
contributions. Thank you to all who contribute and support your local chapter.
Love Gifts should be made payable to: T C F Lawton/ Ft. Sill Chapter
and mailed to:
T C F Lawton/ Ft. Sill Chapter
PO Box 3575
Lawton, OK.73502
I want to apologize for not getting a newsletter completed for July. I have included the birthdays
and angelversaries for the children for July in this newsletter.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Sponsoring a newsletter
Our chapter members have an opportunity to remember their child, sibling or grandchild by
sponsoring an edition of our newsletter.
For $25.00 we will dedicate up to one page. All you need to do is write something about your child,
your grief journey, a special memory or experience or submit a story or poem that especially
touched you. Please include the source and author’s name. You may include pictures and/or
quotes. Send payment to chapter p.o. box. If you can email picture, stories, etc. send them to
ginatcf@gmail.com or mail them to Gina Hawkey 15907 SE Woodlawn Rd. Lawton OK 73501.
Please send before the 15th of previous month (if you want to sponsor the Nov. newsletter, I need
information by 15th of Oct.)
New to Faceboook:
There is a new FB page TCF - Loss to Substance Related Cause. It is a closed group.
August 2014 Page 6 of 8
A few of the “jobs” were filled at the last Steering Committee meeting. Thank
you to those you have agreed to help.
Ed Mayfield –Library & Christmas lighting & Park Decorating
Julie Mayfield-, Georgia Smith, Sherrill Mather, - Outreach
Georgia Smith-Public Relations
Sherrill Mather- Refreshments for Monthly meetings
Linda Owens-Secretary and as needed in other areas
There are still opportunities for you to help. We need people to attend the
Steering Committee meetings to help plan events, etc. If you would like to help
the chapter contact Goody ((580) 678-9024) and she will help you find a way to
help. Thanks.
The Beautiful Name of Parent
People often ask why there is not a word for someone who has lost a
child. For me the answer is quite simple; I am and always will be a parent. The
death of our child does not take that precious title away from any of us.
Nothing and no one can ever change the fact that we are parents. We gave life
to, nurtured and raised our children, for however long or short their lives were.
“Parent” is a living word. It is an eternal word.
Our children would want us to remember that we are their parents now
and forever. They would want the name of “parent” that was bestowed on us at
their birth to live on in our hearts. We are still actively parenting our children.
We continue to bring life to our children by loving them now and forever. There
is not and should never be a word to signify the endless love of a parent.
Janet G. Reyes
TCF Alamo Area Chapter, TX
August 2014 Page 7 of 8
Do You Have Your Child’s Pet?
When my daughter was growing up we would foster sick, injured and dying cats for a local
non-profit animal league. So it came as no surprise that when she got her first apartment, one
of the first things she did was to adopt a big, loveable male tabby cat from the local animal
control facility. I was not very happy about it at the time. After all, she needed to concentrate
on school and other things, but she loved “Zeke” with all her heart, so I melted and let her have
her way. One day a couple of years later she came rushing through the door with two of the
dirtiest, scrawniest little kittens that I had ever seen in my life. Even the edges of their little
ears were sunburned. She cried, “Mom, somebody dumped them on the side of the road in a
box and I just couldn’t leave them!” I said O.K., but tomorrow they go to the animal league to
find homes. Well the next day came and the shelter was full. The only other option was the
pound and she refused to take them there to possibly meet an even worse fate than they had
already endured. My daughter now had three cats. When she died, I didn’t know what to do
with her beloved kitties. All I knew was that I had to make sure they went to wonderful homes
with people who would love them as much as she did. I took the least adoptable one home with
me much to the displeasure of my resident shorthaired black cat who loved people but detested
other animals. “Meadow” whose name was derived from being found by an open field, was a
cute shorthaired tabby and white kitty with an orangey pink nose, and a tummy that looked like
a kangaroo pouch due to an improper spaying that required a subsequent second surgery. My
son called the shelter where we had volunteered for so many years and it was there where we
received our first miracle. An older couple had just come in looking for an older male cat.
They gave us their number and we called them right away. The couple rushed over to meet
Zeke, fell in love with him and happily took him home. Now there was only one kitty left to
find a home for. “Boon” received her unusual name because my daughter said she was a
blessing. She was a very beautiful longhaired smokey colored tabby that had big green eyes
with unusual blue rings around the outside edges. A dear friend of mine who also fostered cats
heard about our tragedy and told me that she would take the kitty sight unseen. It was another
miracle! These wonderful little miracles happened within just a couple of days after my
daughter’s car accident. When the police released her belongings to us, I took her purse home
placed it on the bed and left it to tend to other things. When I came back a little while later
Meadow was curled up in the middle of the purse where she slept soundly the rest of the day.
She missed Angela. It’s been over four years now and I still get Christmas cards with pictures
of her kitties from these wonderful angels here on earth who took them in and gave them
wonderful homes with lots of love. As I am writing this, Miss Meadow is curled up on the desk
chair behind me where I’m sitting, cuddled up snugly against the small of my back, sleeping
and purring softly like she always does when I’m working in my office, and I wouldn’t have it
any other way. It gives me great comfort to care for and love this precious little cat that my
daughter rescued and loved so much.
Janet G. Reyes
TCF Alamo Area Chapter, TX
In Memory of my daughter Angela
August 2014 Page 8 of 8
The Irritability of Grief
As much as I have read about grief, I don’t think I’ve read anything about how irritable it makes
me. I’m guessing I’m not alone. I am short tempered, easily annoyed, and just generally
uncomfortable in my own skin. There seem to be many contributing factors.
First, even after four and a half years, I often do not sleep well. I go to bed too early, probably,
because often I’m just “done” with the day and want it to be over. Then, I wake up in the middle
of the night and can’t go back to sleep because I ruminate over and over about Jordan’s death,
all the circumstances surrounding it, all the difficulties since. I wish my mind had an “off” switch. I
could sure use one.
Next, my chest still hurts. Not as much of the time as it used to, but still often enough to bother
me. There is an elephant who has planted its foot upon my chest.
Third, it takes a lot of energy to put on the mask I wear so that I can maneuver about in the
world. The mask that smiles at the good news of others, the time they have with their intact
families, the joys and challenges that come with an ordinary life. The kind of life I used to have.
There are fifty-five conditions listed on Wikipedia that can cause irritability. Grief isn’t one of
them. Insomnia and sleep deprivation are. I think grief should be there too.
I find exercise makes it better as does a dose of sunshine. Having a dog helps, especially a dog
who “has issues.”
Also, I’m not irritable when I am engaged in trying to be helpful to someone else. So I try to do
more of that.
But I am still irritable. Grief makes me irritable.
Peggi Johnson
TCF Piedmont Chapter, VA
Like the Butterfly
It fluttered above my head
Weightless in the soft breeze.
I reached up my hand
It lit on my finger.
Waving glistening wings gently,
It looked at me for timeless moments.
I smiled, reaching deep and
Finding all those cherished memories.
As it flitted off through the sunlit
morn,
I knew we had said hello once
more.
Leslie Langford
TCF, North Platte, NE