September 5, 2013 Issue of KONK Life

ARTIST IN RESIDENCE WEEKEND: A CELEBRATION OF LIGHT AND COLOR
e artist-in-residence weekend is this weekend all day, ursday to
Saturday, September 5-7, at Key West art gallery Two Monkeys Fine Art,
518 Fleming St., in Old Town. Collectors and the public are invited to
wine and hors d’oeuvres and the grassy tundra floor to enjoy art. e gallery
showcases artist Amanda Johnson, including large textured abstract paintings, landscapes, tropical themed art and figure drawings.
Learn her painting process,
upcoming classes/workshops, and
view recent works that stimulate
the senses with bright textured,
tropical impressionism — works
inspired by natural surroundings
in the Florida Keys.
Mingle and chat with the artist,
who will paint en plein air at the
gallery. Johnson is trained in Fine
Arts, including knowledge of paintLarge Coconut Palm, oil on linen,
ing materials and techniques from
40x50 inches
traditional to contemporary. Her
works include various styles and mediums, remaining flexible during the
creative process. Johnson resides in Key West and paints in her studio and
on plein air and teaches oil painting.
Key West Pelican, oil on linen, 20x24 inches
INFO David Briskin, gallery director, (305) 414-8396
www.AmandaJohnsonFineArt.com
september 5-11
Published Weekly
KONK Life
NEWS DIRECTOR
Guy deBoer
EDITOR|DESIGN
Dawn deBoer
NEWS WRITER
John Guerra
ontheinside!
UPFRONT
05
FUNTIMES
PHOTOGRAPHERS
Larry E. Blackburn
Ralph De Palma
EDITORIAL CONSULTANT
Connie Gilbert
CONTRIBUTORS
Guy deBoer Key News
Rick Boettger Local News & Opinion
Louis Petrone Key West Lou
Steve Calderwood Wining the Keys
JT Thompson Hot Dish
Scott McCarthy The Gadabout
Kimberley Denney Bitchin’ Paradise
Paul Menta What’s Cookin’
Christina Oxenberg Local Observation
Jenessa Berger Get Your Wellness
ian Brockway Tropic Sprockets
14
FESTIVALS
22
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COLUMNS
07 COMMUNITY
17 ARTS CALENDAR FOR KEYS
18 TROPIC SPROCKETS
19 RESTAURANT PAGE
KONK
Life
Vol. 3 No. 36
C
O
N
T
E
N
T
S
A KEY WEST LUAU
LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer
n More on page 11
4 www.konklife.com
Chris Clark
RN wipes the
cots as she
prepares a
special needs
shelter for
hurricane
evacuees
from the Keys
at Florida
International
in Miami.
| Story below,
DOH-Monroe
UPFRONT
IN THE KEYS
Design on the way up
for ‘Fly Navy’ building
by JOHN L. GUERRA
NEWS WRITER
Everyone in Key West has seen the large building with the colorful “Fly Navy” logo painted on
its crown. It’s the seven-floor Navy Gateway Inns
& Suites hotel, where Navy and other military
pilots stay during stopovers at Key West Naval
Air Station. e hotel also serves retired military
and dependents who want an inexpensive place
to stay while seeing the sites of the city.
e “Fly Navy” building just underwent a
three-month renovation that included new lobby
bathrooms, new paint schemes in the guest room
hallways from top to bottom, and new entranceway through which guests enter the main lobby
and approach the registration desk.
e most important aspect of the renovation,
the focal point of the hotel’s new look, is the
wide, columned registration desk where hotel
employees greet guests and assign them rooms.
e 20-foot long limestone countertop and
mahogany-stained wood cabinets support a
ceilinged armage that contains five clocks
representing time zones around the world.
e creation of the rich, elegant centerpiece
registration area went to a local custom cabinet
and interior design company, Signature Spaces.
Owner Nancy Stock, who has been designing and
installing custom cabinets, counters and other
elements of kitchens, bathrooms and other spaces
in Key West homes and businesses for more than
15 years, said the Fly Navy job was complex.
“We worked with several companies to put the
final project together,” she said. “Electricians,
frame carpenters, drywallers, plumbers — you
name it. ere can be confusion on every job, but
this job was handled with extreme detail.”
A large granite panel illuminated by recessed
lighting on the wall behind the three-cabinet,
three-column frontispiece (elements that frame
and decorate the main door to a building) is
designed to create an elegant atmosphere, Stock
said. e counter surface is made of Silestone,
which holds consistent colors, requires less upkeep and doesn’t have to be sealed to prevent
moisture from getting into its surface. Spilling
orange juice or other liquid on the stone is
easily wiped away and can’t permeate the
Silestone surface.
Working on the Navy property meant tight
deadlines and procedures, she said. “Whenever
you work on a Navy base, you have time limits,
more regulations, and you have a limit on what
you can use sometimes,” she said. “e company
that managed the project, Dorado, helped make
sure everyone worked together to get the job
done. We talked by phone after hours, on weekends, late at night, early mornings, to do what
it took to get the job done.”
Josh Peterson served as Dorado’s superintendent. Stock’s installers include Eddie Ruiz, Alvin
Frazier and cabinet maker Yarborough. Mingo
Construction Inc., the general contractor who
hired Signature Spaces to do the lavish check-in
| Continued on page 6
www.konklife.com 5
FKSPCA fun
Seeking out
the sponsors,
auction items
Sponsors and silent auction items are sought for the
September 26 Celebrity Gravity Pole Fitness fundraiser
for the Florida Keys SPCA to be held at Le Te Da in
Key West. Call Monica Matroci, (305)731-6898.
INFO
www.gravitykeywest.com
DOH-Monroe
Get ready for September’s
National Preparedness Month
e Florida Department of Health in Monroe County
encourages all Keys residents to take time during National
Preparedness Month this September to learn more about
how to prepare for natural and manmade disasters. is
year’s NPM campaign focuses on making emergency
preparedness plans in cases where limited or no access to
electricity, drinking water or food supplies for several days.
INFO
www.keyshealth.com, www.ready.gov, www.listo.gov
| Continued on page 20
Free screenings
Breast, bone density screenings
for women at Womenfest Key West
Celebrate Breast Cancer Awareness through a grant
from the Susan G. Komen for the Cure foundation!
Keys Area Health Education Center/AHEC offers
free breast and bone density screenings to all women
at Womenfest in Key West. No appointments, starting
10 a.m., September 5-6, at Ocean Wellness Spa
on Simonton Street.
INFO
(305) 743-7111, Ext. 206
National
Preparedness
Month
LOCALNEWS&
OPINION
n
DOH-Monroe County:
Learn how to prepare
for natural and manmade
disasters.
www.keyshealth.com
UPFRONT
IN THE KEYS
JOHN GUERRA
| Continued from page 5
counter, was also in charge of other tradesmen at the site, including electricians, plumbers, floor installers and carpenters.
Much of Stock’s business is in private homes where she creates new
kitchens, bathrooms, sunrooms and other specialty spaces. “e economy
is back,” she said. “People are flipping property again and getting a contractor is not easy. Homeowners have to find someone they are comfortable with to redesign their homes. After all, you are redesigning bathrooms
and kitchens — spaces that are very personal to customers.”
Stock said she enjoys Key West’s size as well as the opportunities to redesign spaces. “It’s easy to find something different to do here. ere’s a
good mixture of commercial and residential work. Most small towns are either all commercial work or all residential. I feel lucky to be working in
Key West.”
INFO
Signature Spaces, 1118A White St., (305) 294-4420
Key tourism
County appoints TDC
board term members
Monroe County Board of County Commissioners
appointed Peter Batty and reappointment of George
Fernandez to the Monroe County Tourist Development Council. e agency facilitates tourism marketing of the Florida Keys and Key West.
Batty
Batty has been a member of the Utility Board
of the City of Key West since 2005 and replaces
Lou Hernandez, whose TDC term expired in August.
Born in Salisbury, England, Batty immigrated to the
United States in 1955. He has lived in the Florida Keys
since 1989. He is president of SBX Commercial Real
Estate and a Florida Supreme Court certified circuit
and family mediator. In 2000, he was ordained as a
permanent deacon to the Archdiocese of Miami. He is
Fernandez
a board member of the Star of the Sea Foundation and
former board vice president of Wesley House Family
Services and former board member of Florida Keys Community College
Education Foundation. Batty’s goals for his four-year TDC tenure include
promoting responsible tourism and increasing efforts to showcase Keys
history.
Fernandez is executive vice president and co-founder of the Key West
Butterfly & Nature Conservatory. He was originally appointed in 2011
and his second term is to extend until July 2017.
OUR REEF, R.I.P.?
he main debate around
widening the ship channel
centers around the effects on our coral
reef. e governing law features a simple
ban on dredging in our marine sanctuary.
e sanctuary’s regs try to save our reef.
My question is, is it already too late? Is
our reef hopelessly gone, past
resuscitation?
While the law prohibiting dredging
seems clear, it can be overridden or
changed. e sanctuary director can
basically oveeride anything in the law,
if he deems, say, dredging, to be in the
overall best interests of the sanctuary’s
mission. e current director would not
allow dredging, but a successor might
deem serving a larger public to fulfill
the sanctuary’s mission.
Right now a simple legislative action
in Washington could overrule the very
law that now bans dredging. A vote for
pro-widening down in the Keys, by the
very residents closest to the reef, would
be a powerful incentive, turbo-charged
by cruise ship political donations,
to dredge the channel again.
is is a tough battle, and I fear in a
war that has already been lost. Because
so many other battles have been waged
against our dying reef that are not being
addressed at all, and they will kill our reef
no matter whether we dredge or not.
Exactly what is worst for our reef is not
scientifically nailed down yet, but bad
effects include the following:
• Nutrients from sugar-industry run-off.
It feeds algae blooms which cut off light
to the polyps.
• Silt from the sea bottom brought up by
decades of shrimp trawling. e image of
trawling the sea bottom for shrimp like
raking the forest for deer has always stuck
with me. I can’t eat a Key West Pink without feeling guilty about how we got it.
• Tons of alien sand regularly dumped
to “maintain” our beaches, which are not
natural here due to current flows. e
sand all eventually runs off into our
waters, tiny bits of silica smothering our
coral heads and reef.
• e blasting of massive jets of water
into the sea bottom to uncover treasure.
is has, been going on for decades.
T
6 www.konklife.com
I think it is indisputable that cruise
ships pollute in numerous ways that they
could correct, such as dumping mulched
food (much worse than digested poop),
using bunker oil and raising silt plumes
with their thrusters. But any study
addressing simply channel “widening”
is likely to uncover the positive trade-off
of reducing silt plumes versus destroying
a certain amount of sea bed.
us, I believe, a study will inevitably
lead to a change in the law, and the
dredging will take place. But even if the
referendum fails, our reef will still die,
from the causes listed above and the
cruise ships that will still come through
our current channel.
e critical business and economic
debate will not be solved by any study,
as it has not been even addressed by the
three past studies I have read. at is,
does the fast money of cruisers harm
other income streams into the Keys?
e debating assumptions are, on the
one side, that cruisers’ money trickles
around the economy, and many come
back to spend more. On the other side,
that a glut of cheap spenders degrades
the quality of life in Key West, driving
away better money.
While cruisers say their experience
here wants to make them come back, only
3 percent of overnight tourists say their
first experience of Key West was from a
cruise ship. is matches my experience.
Cynthia and I have liked every single
port we’ve stopped at, but not gone back
for an overnight at any of them. Our
week- and month-long trips are to
non-cruise ports.
| Continued on page 10
RICK
BOETTGER
COLUMNIST
COMMUNITY FESTIVAL
Wild celebration!
Witness the Florida Keys’ fall bird
migration during the 15th annual Florida
Keys Birding and Wildlife Festival, a six-day
festival from Key Largo to Key West, September 24-29. Signature events: Dry Tortugas National Park excursion, guided birding
and butterfly walks and talks, wildlife pho-
tography workshops, all-day wildlife fair,
Hawkwatch and backcountry boat trips.
is year’s keynote speaker, Rafael
Galvez, is director of Florida Keys Hawkwatch, the southernmost migration
monitoring project in continental United
States. Hawkwatch documents 25,000
diurnal birds of prey of 18 species during
the fall and more than 120 species of
www.konklife.com 7
KEY BUSINESS
IN KEYWEST
waders, shorebirds and songbirds migrating over the Keys.
Festivalgoers join Hawkwatch at Curry
Hammock State Park.
INFO
Kristie Killam, (305) 304-9625
At left, keynote speaker and Florida
Keys Hawkwatch, Rafael Galvez
GET YOUR
WELLNESS
COMING
SEPTEMBER 21
e all-powerful lemon
e all know that drinking
water is one of the best
things for our bodies, but most individuals are
in some state of dehydration. e most common reason? ey don’t like water. It has no
taste, it’s boring, etc. e problem is that even
with the slightest dehydration, your body’s
performance levels drop 10 percent.
What do you do if this is you? Try adding
lemon to the water. Squeeze half to a full
lemon into preferably room temperature water,
sip on it, and keep reading on to find out the
benefits this easy and healthy drink has for
your body.
Lemon water can be a great way to help aid
digestion in the body. Lemon juice has been
used for centuries to support digestion. Lemon
juice’s composition is very similar to that of our
own saliva and the hydrochloric acid used to
break food down in our stomachs. is encourages the liver to produce bile, an acid that aids
in breaking down our food. It can also keep
indigestion and its symptoms at bay.
One major issue our society has these days
is most of us are in a higher state of acidity
than our bodies would like. Most are thinking
that a lemon, pretty acidic on its own, isn’t
going to help with this problem. But when the
lemon is consumed, the citric acid does not
create acidity once its metabolized. Citric and
ascorbic acid are weak acids easily broken down
by the body to allow its minerals to help
alkalize the body’s blood. With regular lemon
water consumption, the acidity levels in your
body will drop, including uric acid levels in
your joints, the primary cause for joint pain
and inflammation.
ere are so many benefits of lemon water,
but this one seems like it might interest people.
Lemons are high in pectin fiber. Pectin fiber
helps fight those hunger cravings. (Most times
you feel hunger kicking in, chances are it’s your
body telling you you need water, not food.)
W
| Continued on page 10
KEYWEST
LOU
A N EW WAY
TO WAGE WAR
nLEGALITIES WITH
Louis Petrone
ast week the New York Time’s
website was hacked. e site was
down two days as a result of the attack.
I was impressed and concerned. Impressed
and concerned an entity as mighty as the New
York Times could have its computer operation
infiltrated and as a result shut down.
Within a day or two of the hacking, an
organization known as the Syrian Electronic
Army claimed responsibility. Syrian Electronic
Army is a known supporter of President Assad.
No person or organization in the United
States has denied the Syrian Electronic Army’s
responsibility.
Turns out this was not the Syrian Electronic
Army’s first foray into the world of electronic
disruption. e group had previously successfully hacked the Financial Times, Washington
Post, and made an attempt to hack CNN.
Twitter was also an object of the Syrian
Electronic Army’s hacking. President Obama
and Oprah Winfrey had their Twitter sites
hacked so each sent a tweet in support of Syria’s
President Assad.
As I became aware of these occurrences, it
became clear that hacking was a new way of
waging war. One that could be quicker and
more destructive than a payload of bombs or
missiles.
e geek (I use the term respectfully) world
has a position of respectability and importance.
An effective software design followed by the
flick of a finger and a nation can be brought to
its knees. is is not pie in the sky. It is reality.
It is the present. Today, the New York Times.
Tomorrow, a nation’s electric power grids,
water, fuel, communications, transportation.
L
Howard Livingston MC’s pool-side concertparty held the last day of summer for the 4th
Annual Summer Jam inf benefit of Wesley
House Family Services. Be a sponsor, call
(305) 809-5000. wesleyhouse.org
MC Howard Livingston readies
for summertime’s Summer Jam
Sponsors sought
Sponsors are sought for the 4th Annual Summer
Jam, a family friendly island-style concert party
held September 21 at Dante’s Key West Pool Bar
& Restaurant and Prime Steakhouse in Key West.
To be a sponsor for this event that supports Wesley
House Family Services and its work on behalf
of children and families in the Florida Keys, call
(305) 809-5000, Ext 228.
INFO
www.wesleyhouse.org
| Continued on page 17
JENESSA
LOU
BERGER
COLUMNIST
PETRONE
COLUMNIST
8 www.konklife.com
NOW WE’RE
A WOMANLY WEEK
COOKIN’
LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer
A sweet-and-sour surprise!
here are little speed bumps all over
the island that make a squish
sound sound, then you feel the bump. is
would seem like a bad thing, but it’s actually a
sign of a sweet-and-sour surprise right above
your head. It’s the ever curious Spanish lime,
and they are such a true Key West food.
All the rain this year has produced these
nice size Mamoncilos, which have a smooth
green skin on the outside and sweet but tart
lime flavor flesh with a nut inside. Its alright
if you see them on the ground: if not broken
open, they are good to go. Split it with your
thumbnail and just like giving a kiss, put your
lips on the flesh and enjoy the sweet. e nut
inside can be toasted after done.
Manny the coconut guy in Bahama village
usually has small bags of the limes that you can
buy if you don’t want the ground droppings or
climbing a tree. You can let them soak in a bit
of water after you shell them, then use a
strainer to collect all the liquid and flesh without the seed. Add some pectin powder and
chill for making a jelly or a dessert topping.
You might wonder why I have bags of them
and about 42 jars at the ready. Rumors of me
opening Key West’s first legal rum distillery are
true, and for the locals I will be making Bili,
which is white rum soaked in Spanish limes
and other secret spices for a month, then
strained and drank. A unique flavor of the Keys
and the rum doesn’t hurt either. As cooks we
can take any product and find a use for it. I
have chosen food to create my own for one of
our more favorite times on the island, Happy
Hour! ■
Eat local and always with a friend! Aloha
T
PAUL
www.konklife.com 9
MENTA
EXTREME CHEF
www.keywestfuel.com
LOCAL NEWS &
OPINION
KEYEVENT
W I N E A B I T, Y O U ‘ L L F E E L B E T T E R
RICK BOETTGER
| Continued from page 6
But I don’t see the volume of cruisers
on Duval and Zach Taylor beach
affecting the lives of my high-ender
crowd who live and spend so much here.
Living in the Meadows, my life is in
no way impacted by cruisers. On Zach’s
busiest day, my snorkel dives are not
bothered at all by even hundreds of more
cruisers on the long beach. (I am much
more affected by the sand dumped on
what is supposed to be a marl beach).
e Studios of Key West, the Literary
Seminar, the Tennessee Williams Fine
Arts Center, and our music, arts and
poetry scenes have thrived in a parallel
universe apart from the cruisers.
I am profoundly sad about what I see
as the inevitable death of our portion
of the greatest living thing on earth,
but heartened by our having so many
blessings here that we will thrive even
with its loss. Once-magic reef, R.I.P. ■
GET YOUR
WELLNESS
JENESSA BERGER
| Continued from page 8
Back to lemons . . . Studies have
shown the more alkaline your diet is, the
faster you will lose weight. Someone that
drinks a glass or two of warm lemon
water has a better chance at losing
weight. Seems like an easy addition to
any weight-loss regimen.
e list of benefits goes on, but highlighting a few more: It cleanses your system, boosts your immune system, clears
skin, energizes body and mind, freshens
breath, promotes healing and an essential
nutrient in maintenance of healthy
bones, cartilage and connective tissue.
And lemon water helps in hydrating your
lymph system.
e advantages of drinking a glass or
two of warm lemon water during the day
is a great addition to anyone’s life. Such a
simple task that will continue to help
your body perform as it should that it
seems silly for anyone to miss out on all
the goodness! Start each morning with a
glass of warm lemon water, wait at least
15-20 minutes to eat, and start reaping
the rewards of lemons! ■
WININGTHEKEYS
Zinfandel — the other white wine?
O, NO, NO!
White zinfandel is an
oxymoron and an abomination on
the world of wine! I will never forget one spring break a few years ago
when I was driving down Duval
Street on my scooter, and I was
wearing one of my favorite t-shirts
that reads “Friends don’t let friends
drink white zinfandel.”
I stopped at a red light and
some breaker on a rental scooter
pulled up next to me and, with a
completely straight face, said,
“What are we supposed to drink,
RED zinfandel?!?!”
I turned around with every
intent to bitch slap him, but luckily
the light turned green and I just
drove away. My guess he would be
U of M.
Don’t get me wrong. White zin
does have its uses. It’s two main
reasons for existence are getting
high school boys to second base
after the prom and sedating
grandma at anksgiving Day
dinner. Other than that, it should
pretty much be outlawed. With that
said, zinfandel when made into a
red wine is one of my favorite
grapes.
But what really makes zinfandel
fun is the history of the grape. Before 1849, almost all of California’s
wine industry was down around
Los Angeles and very little was up
north, but then one little thing
changed all of that — they discovered gold in them thar’ hills. is
meant there was a whole heap of
thirsty miners who were going to be
looking for a little juice of the vine
to sooth thirsty souls, and people
started planting vines like mad.
In fact, over 2,000 vines were
planted, mostly zinfandel, and the
Sierra foothills became the largest
grape-growing region in the state.
But then a couple of little issues
tested the fabric of the region. First
of all, the gold ran out. is puts a
damper on finding thirsty miners to
buy your juice.
N
Keys Action to
‘Break the Cycle’
e more standing water in the
community, the greater the chance
mosquito species that can carry
dengue will breed and multiply.
Mosquito prevention is an ongoing
effort: Florida enters its third year
without a confirmed case of dengue
fever in the Florida Keys.
September 10-11 cleanup
Florida Keys Mosquito Control, a
leading partner in the Keys ABCD
alliance, is looking for volunteers to
help with a Stock Island cleanup
next month. e cleanup is scheduled September 10-11 and will include some of the more remote areas
of the island. Volunteers bag trash
and identify large objects (tires,
boats, etc.) that can hold water and
will need to be removed. To volunteer contact Coleen Fitzsimmons,
FKMC, 292-7190.
Eliminate standing water
e Florida Department of Health
in Monroe County/DOH-Monroe
encourages Florida Keys’ residents
to eliminate standing water around
property after heavy rains as a preventive measure against mosquitoes.
Certain species can carry dengue, a
disease that circulated in Key West
between September 2009 and November 2010. Key West has not
seen a confirmed case of dengue
since November 2010. anks to
Florida Keys Mosquito Control/
FKMC’s spray and inspection
efforts and public’s eliminating
standing water in receptacles where
mosquitoes can multiply. DOHMonroe works with FKMC to
distribute mosquito prevention
refrigerator magnets and identify
volunteers to help communitywide
cleanups.
INFO (305) 809-5653
10 www.konklife.com
en, phylloxera, that nasty little
root pest that killed all the vines in
Europe and reeked havoc in California hit here. Luckily, because of the
isolation and elevation of the area,
the disease wasn’t as fatal as in
other areas.
Finally, that little constitutional
amendment called Prohibition put
a damper on wine sales. However,
because of the area’s remoteness,
Prohibition was hard to enforce
and some vineyards were still
tended and made small amounts
of “sacramental” wine. Yeah, right.
In fact, only one winery remained
in production through the entire
period.
After Prohibition, the focus for
wine making moved towards Napa
and Sonoma counties. is region
was pretty much forgotten. What
didn’t happen in the region is
probably the most important fact.
Because of the remoteness of the
area, no one felt the need to rip out
old vines and plant something else.
So in the 1970’s, when several
wineries started operations again
here, they had rootstalk that had
been planted prior to Prohibition
on which to grow their zinfandel.
We got your old vines here!
Zinfandel’s reputation has gone
through a lot of changes, too. Early
1970s, as wine consumption in the
United States started to increase,
growers in Napa and Sonoma
started pulling up their zinfandel
| Continued on page 17
STEVE
CALDERWOOD
To receive Smokin’ Vines, a listing of all
food and booze events in the Keys, send
name and email to wineslut@me.com
AN ALL-CANDIDATES ROYAL SHOWING
LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer
n More on page 12
www.konklife.com 11
AN ALL-CANDIDATES ROYAL SHOWING
LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer
A KEY WEST LUAU
LARRY BLACKBURN| photographer
www.konklife.com 13
september 5-11
inside!
(CLOCKWISE)
Schooner Wharf
Paul Cotton
Smokin’ Tuna
Rusty Lemmon
Hog’s Breath
Sister Funk
FUNTIMES
Schooner Wharf
Tuesday
Raven Cooper 7-11pm
Wednesday
Tim Hollohan 7-11pm
Marty Stonley
Schooner Wharf Bar
202 Williams St., (305) 292-3302
www.schoonerwharf.com
n
Thursday
Tim Hollohan & Topher James
7-11pm
Friday-Saturday
Paul Cotton Band 7-Midnight
Country rock band Poco’s main
songwriter, lead vocalist and lead
guitarist, Cotton’s 45-year career
has yielded countless albums and
acclaim, and his staying power is
endless. Born in the Deep South
and raised on the south side of
Chicago, the soulful influences of
his roots can still be heard in his
songs. With local musicians Marty
Stonely, Russ Scavelli, Joel Nelson, and Greg Shanle, band performs favorites from Poco plus
originals, Buffalo Springfield and
Illinois Speed Press hits as well
as New Orleans-influenced tunes
with southern tinge.
Sunday
Marty Stonley & Din Allen
6:30-11pm
Monday
Cool Trio 7-11pm
Smokin’ Tuna Saloon
4 Charles St., off 200 block
Duval, (305) 517-6350
n
Friday
Joal Rush 6pm
Key West Songwriters Festival
music attraction
Saturday
Nick Norman 6pm
Norman tours club scenes in his
native South Carolina as well as
North Carolina, Georgia, Florida.
Sunday
Rusty Lemmon 6pm
Singer and songwriter
Monday
Caffeine Carl and
Nick Norman 9:30pm
Hog’s Breath Saloon
Schooner Wharf Bar
Tim Hollohan
400 Front St., (305) 296-4222
n
Monday-Sunday 0915
Mike Veal and Barry Thrasher
5:30-9:30pm
Duo plays a combination of blues,
rock and funk. Diverse musical
backgrounds and regional influences color the tight sound for
which they are known for in and
around Atlanta.
| Continued on page 16
www.konklife.com 15
FUNTIMES
Hog’s Breath
The Coal Men
| Continued from page 15
Hog’s Breath Saloon
400 Front St., (305) 296-4222
n
Thursday-Saturday
Sister Funk 10pm-2am
Nation’s hottest all-female band
brings high energy, entertaining
stage show to late-night gig.
Music best described as commercial pop/rock similar in sound
and style to artists like Pink and
Maroon Five.Sister Funk’s show
makes them more than another
female band.
Thursday-Sunday
Sister Speak 1-5pm
San Diego trio Sister Speak,
after several tours, singer/songwriters (Samantha Cathcart and
Hog’s Breath
Hog’s Breath
Sister Speak
Sherri-Anne) teamed up to form
Sister Speak. The two artists met
in the Chicago music scene after
completing debut albums. They
have since performed more than
300 shows together, including
appearances at NAMM Show,
on Canada’s Global TV, festivals
in the states and Western
Canada. Vocals with acoustic
rock and blues.
Thursday-Sunday
Jen 5:30-9:30pm
Marathon singer-songwriter
Monday-Sunday 0915
The Coal Men 10pm-2am
Dave Coleman’s three-piece
Nashville smart-rock trio. The
band’s CD, “Nowhere’s Too Far,”
called an eclectic rock record
that’s a raucous as Saturday
night in East Nashville. Band’s
new release, “Escalator,” is out
and receiving music praise.
Jen
16 www.konklife.com
WINING
theKEYS
STEVE CALDERWOOD
| Continued from page 10
plantings and replanted with cabernet
sauvignon and chardonnay, the most
popular grapes of the day.
However, at the same time, progressive growers such as Edmeades, Ridge
Vineyards and Ravenswood started
planting prime acreage with zinfandel
and pruning the yields way back. (By
reducing the number of grapes that
grow on a vine, the flavors and minerals
of that vine get concentrated into fewer
grapes, thus producing a more intense
flavor in each grape.) e wines were
absolutely incredible, and a few years
later, a lot of the growers that had
ripped out their zin were busy
replanting it again.
Also, at the time, zin was touted as
America’s grape, the only one indigenous to the good ol’ USA. Well, oops!,
the University of California at Davis
(which is sort of the Holy Grail of the
American wine world) did DNA tests
and found that it and primitivo, an Italian varietal, were one and the same.
Well, UC Davis is not infallible.
ey then did a DNA exam on the
Croatian grape crljenak kastelanski
(thank, God, we don’t have to call zin
that) and it was found to be the father
of both grapes which are, in fact, clones
of the Croatian grape.
So, today, the zinfandel grape has
truly come into its own, producing a
range of wine styles. One thing to keep
an eye on, though, is that this grape is
rich in sugar and can produce wines of
up to 18 percent alcohol. A good bottle
of zin will run anywhere from $15 to
well over $100 (and it will also leave
you with a really attractive purple tooth
smile!) whereas an absolutely mediocre
bottle of white zin can be had for $4,
if you shop the grocery store specials.
But, to keep things in perspective,
white zin still outsells red zin by about
6 to 1 — a sad fact that I’m continually
trying to change.
at’s it for this week, so until next
time — wine a bit, you’ll feel better!
n
To receive Smokin’ Vines, a listing
of all food and booze events in the Keys,
send name and email to wineslut@me.com
Key West Happenings
Florida Keys Council
of the Arts Cultural
Calendar: Send events
by ursday noon to
Florida Keys Council
of the Arts email:
calendar@keysarts.com
Thursday, September 5, to Wednesday, September 11
ARTISTS RECEPTIONS / EXHIBITIONS
• Thursday, September 5
Kate Levin, Riptide Opening & Reception, 5 PM Stone
Soup Gallery, 802 White St. 296-2080. A selection of environmental photographic studies of the female nude.
stonesoupgallery.com
• Thursday-Saturday, September 5-7
Artist in Residence Weekend: A Celebration of Light, Color
and Paint, 12 PM Two Monkeys Fine Art, 518 Fleming St.
414-8396. Amanda Johnson will be painting en plein air at
the gallery and available to talk about her painting process,
upcoming classes/worskshops. Also on display her recent
new works inspired by natural surroundings in the Keys.
• Friday, September 6
Upper Duval Street Stroll, 6 PM
Special art exhibitions and receptions at galleries and
shops along Upper Duval from United to Truman. Includes
Art Studio Open House, Meet me at Kate’s Art Studio,
1309 Whitehead St, Leslie Bevens New Jewelry Designs
& Reception, Cork & Stogie, 1218 Duval St, Frangipani
Gallery, SoDu Gallery, Coco Salem, Gingerbread Gallery,
Island Arts, Alan Maltz, & Archeo Gallery.
CLASSES
• Friday-Saturday, September 6-7
Special Women-Only Painting Bootcamp with Rick Worth,
10 AM The Studios of Key West, 600 White St. 296-0458.
Special for Womenfest, Rick teaches you to paint our island’s favorite fowl, the rooster, walking you step by step
through the creation of your own mini-masterpiece. tskw.org
FESTIVALS & FUNDRAISERS
• Tuesdays
Aqua Idol, 6:30 PM Aqua Nightclub, 711 Duval St.
294-0555. aquakeywest.com Come and vote for your
candidate for this year’s King & Queen of Fantasy Fest.
All proceeds benefitting Aids Help.
• To Sunday, September 8
Womenfest: Various venues & locations. womenfest.com
FILM
• Monday, September 9
72-hour Film Challenge, 7 PM Tropic Cinema, 416 Eaton
St. 877-761-3456. tropiccinema.com Short films made by
local film makers in the span of 72 hours. Reception, 6 PM.
• Wednesdays
Ibis Bay “Dive-In” Movie, Films begin at sunset. Ibis Bay
Beach Resort, 3101 N. Roosevelt Blvd.394-3804
THEATER
• Friday, September 6
Suzanne Westenhoefer, 8:30 PM San Carlos Institute,
516 Duval St. Main comedy show for Womenfest 2013.
womenfest.com
| Continued on page 18
www.konklife.com 17
KEYWEST
LOU
LOUIS PETRONE
| Continued from page 8
e list is endless. A nation’s military command systems, air defense networks, and weapons systems that
require computers to work could instantaneously be
rendered useless.
Leon Panetta resigned last year as Secretary of Defense. He warned of cyber terrrorism and that the
United States was not prepared to meet the threat.
Panetta painted the picture clearly. e United
States was facing a “cyber-Pearl Harbor” that would
“paralyze the nation.” He further commented that not
only the federal government but also private industry
was way behind in providing protections against cyber
war situations.
e most recent leaker of government documents is
Edward Snowden. He was able to escape the United
States and now resides in Russia under the protection of
the Russian government.
A couple of days following the New York Times
hacking, one of the documents Snowden leaked was
disclosed by the media. It is called the Black Budget.
e Black Budget in its entirety ran on the Internet. I
briefly browsed through it.
e Black Budget is so named because no one is supposed to know its contents. For security reasons. It tells
a select few where U.S. tax dollars are spent with regard
to national security. Total 2013 budget was $52 billion.
A portion of the budget was allocated for offensive
cyber operations: the U.S. cost for doing to other countries what the Syrian Electronic Army did to the New
York Times. e dollars allocated for defensive cyber
operations were insignificant in comparison.
Nations and their citizens are not fools. People are
aware their mother countries are using computers to
spy on others. e question is whether any one in the
United States, besides Panetta, realizes how ill-prepared
we are to defend against a cyber attack. An attack that is
comparable not only to Pearl Harbor but 9/11.
If a nation has the capacity to engage in cyber espionage, it has the capacity to engage in cyber sabotage.
Most modern nations have developed such capacities.
Nations in the forefront of cyber activity are Iran, Russia and China. Makes sense.
ere has already occurred history’s first cyber war.
It involved the United States and Iran. It is alleged the
United States cyber attacked an Iranian nuclear facility.
e exercise infected 60,000 computers and claimed to
set Iran back two years in its nuclear development program. Were you aware?
In 2012 Iran hacked U.S. banks. A hacking that seriously affected the operation of the banks. Again, were
you aware?
ere are some who believe the Syrian Electronic
Army is Iran’s baby, regardless of the Syrian portion of
its name. Bottomline is time is being wasted. Valuable
time. e United States must move its ass to catch up
and be ready for the onslaught which most certainly
will come in today’s world. n
TROPICSPROCKETS
Key West
Happenings
| Continued from page 17
MUSIC
n I N R E V I E W W IT H
Ian Brockway
Closed Circuit
rom “Tinker, Tailor,
Soldier, Spy” producers Tim Bevan
and Eric Fellner, here is “Closed Circuit,”
a second thriller focusing on M-I5 with
all the trappings of terrorism and surveillance. e setting is London, and there
has just been a truck bomb caught on
closed circuit cameras. Lawyer Martin
Rose (Eric Bana) is chosen to be the
defense for suspect Ilkay Ergodan
(Pinar Ögün).
To complicate matters with some
romantic pathos, Claudia SimmonsHough (Rebecca Hall) an old, tense flame
of Martin’s, is also hired on the defense.
According to law, the team can not share
information between themselves or, for
that matter, be social. To handle this, the
case is split into two sections with Martin
handling the public questions while
Claudia agrees to handle the closed
sessions.
ere is some apprehension as we
watch the two rendezvous in secret, but
the real charge is when we notice that the
two are being watched by either a stealthy
cabal or an infinite IMAX-eyed group of
faceless screens.
Eric Bana acts appropriately shadowed, his eyes drawn, his face tight.
Rebecca Hall’s eyes get wider and wider
as she notices a book just not quite leaning the right way on her bookcase.
We know what’s coming through the
slinky shadows and treading music, but
espionage aficionados will still jump a bit.
ere are some good turns given by
the steady Jim Broadbent, who gives the
most sinister performance in the film
(who is all the more creepy though his
casual nonchalance) and Ciarán Hinds
from the aforementioned “Tinker, Tailor,
Soldier, Spy.”
F
www.TropicCinema.com
Tropic Cinema, the only nonprofit art
multiplex in South Florida. Rated Best
Cinema in Florida, 2009-2012
Also good is Ergodan’s crafty son
played by Hasancan Cifci.
While the action is predictable and
could use a dose of Hitchcockian
happenstance and humor, the darkling
silhouetted moments still have some
flavored creatine left over from John Le
Carre.
e best moments of “Closed Circuit”
remain when we are unsure just who is
pursuing who, and the buildings are
depicted as glassy domes of passivity.
Under the march of shoes, ties and square
slate faces, only the camera shows life as
it records for sterile satellites. A sense
of mystery combined with an unending
tread of life is always more interesting
than identifying the sneaky.
e Spectacular Now
Director James Ponsoldt scores a satisfying, if not entirely original, coming of
age film with “e Spectacular Now.”
Ponsoldt who gained traction with his
film “Smashed” about a teacher battling
alcoholism, again tackles some fermented
demons in Sutter, a teenager who masks a
lot by nipping at a flask.
Sutter is the life of the party, charming
his fellow classmates by reaching for the
spontaneity of life.
When Sutter (Miles Teller) passes out
on a stranger’s lawn, he is discovered by
shy and quirky Amy ( Shailene Woodley).
Woodley who gave a facile outing in
“e Decendants,” gives another solid
performance here.
Both Woodley and Teller give the
story a lively charisma and their romantic
infectious spirit keep the story rolling.
You won’t meet a character quite so lively
as Sutter, but his carnival smiles cloak his
deep lack of self esteem. He is a bit like
Ferris Bueller with a Jekyll and Hyde
syndrome.
ere are some apprehensive first love
scenes which speak a bit about the fear
of the body and intimacy, and the tension
lies in the fact that Sutter is a cad, out of
a fear of rejection.
rough it all Amy is warmhearted
and vivacious, taking most things in
stride, until Sutter’s demons are manifest.
| Continued on page 20
18 www.konklife.com
• Thursday, September 5
Corday & Aquanettes, 5 PM
Aqua Night, 711 Duval St. 294-0555. aquakeywest.com
Womenfest inspired show.
• Thursdays-Saturdays - In the Cabaret, 5 PM
The Gardens Hotel, 526 Angela St. 294-2661. gardenshotel.com
Featuring: John Benson, Michael Robinson, Bobby Green & Karen
Heins. Sunday, Jazz in the Gardens resumes Oct. 6.
• Friday, September 6
The Love Lane Gang, 8 PM
McConnell’s Irish Pub & Grill, 900 Duval St. A broad musical
palette such as swing, old school country, rockabilly & bluegrass.
More venues: 9/8, Salute, 1000 Atlantic Blvd, 5:30 PM.
• Nightly Entertainment - Tavern ‘N Town, 5 PM
Marriott Beachside, 3841 N. Roosevelt Blvd. Featuring Rob Distasi, Mike Emerson, Bobby Nesbitt, Carmen Rodriguez & Michael
Thomas.
DANCE
• Fridays: Salsa Dance Lessons & a little Salsa Rueda too!, 7 PM
Paradise Health & Fitness Dance Studio, 1706 N Roosevelt Blvd.
keywestdance.wordpress.com Beginner to advanced. Drop in
class every Friday, no partner needed.
• Saturday, September 7: Girly Burly Burlesque Show, 9 PM Bourbon St. Pub, 724 Duval St. keystix.com The Conch Republic’s
queen of burlesque, Tatah DuJour, hosts a fun-filled evening of
southernmost city’s females.
• Mondays: Argentine Tango Practica, 8 PM. All welcome, no partner needed. Ballroom & Latin Dance Music. No partner needed.
Come and observe to see if you’re interested. The Dance Factory,
906 Kennedy Dr. Daina, 304-8184.
• Wednesdays: Swing Dance Lessons, 7 PM
Paradise Health & Fitness Dance Studio, 1706 N. Roosevelt Blvd,
296-6348. Instructors Lucy Carleton and Tom Wheaton. 6-week
course.
ONGOING ARTIST OPPORTUNITY
• Sculpture Key West Seeking proposals – New Deadline Monday,
September 16: Create outdoor works that respond to and interact
with the tropical environment. Venues will include Key West’s historic fort, gardens, beaches, forests & grass areas. Applications for
the 2013-2014 season online, sculpturekeywest.org
• Call for Entries for NANA13 – Deadline Tuesday, September 17;
Lucky Street Gallery, 540 Greene St. 294-3973. Luckystreetgallery.com First annual juried show for emerging artists will be
held during Art!KeyWest! Requesting 6 entries per artist for jury
consideration in the categories of: Painting, Sculpture, MixedMedia/Constructions, Drawing & Photography. To enter complete
form on website.
MUSEUMS
• Mel Fisher Maritime MuseumCo Exhibits, 9 AM, 200 Greene St.
294-2633. melfishermaritimemuseum.org
• Key West Wildlife Center, 9 AM, 1801 White St, 293-7013. Free
admission, parking and tours.
• Preserving History, Brick by Brick: the Story of the Custom
House, 281 Front St. 296-6616. kwahs.org
A Soldier from Independence Exhibit, Truman Little White House,
111 Front St. 294-9911. trumanlittlewhitehouse.com
n
KONKLife’s BiG SAViNGS!
Get YOUR
SAViNGS
here!
521 Fleming St.
15% off
COMMUNITY
SPOTLIGHT
THE SEVEN MILE BRIDGE
FLORIDA KEYS NEWS BUREAU
Senior summer fitness
IAN BROCKWAY
| Continued from page 18
Florida Keys Area Health Education Center with
Health Foundation of South Florida offers Enhance Fitness Program for Monroe County seniors throughout
the summer and fall seasons. e fitness program is a researched, evidence- based program including balance,
coordination and flexibility exercises and cardio and
weight training. Classes: 10-11 a.m. three days a week
(Monday, Wednesday and Friday); $35 per month at the
Keys Senior Citizen Plaza, 1400 Kennedy Drive.
Miles Teller and Shailene Woodley are
utterly convincing, and Sutter has such a charge
of amorality, at times, that is part festive and
part Dionysian in the dark sense that he keeps
us guessing.
ere are fine performances given by
Jennifer Jason Leigh as Sutter’s mom and Kyle
Chandler as a boozy and tepid father who pines
for Key West and strives to perpetuate the
illusion that everybody likes him.
e best part of “e Spectacular Now” is its
abrupt art-house conclusion which gives a sense
of volatility to its characters reminiscent of a
junior version of “e Graduate” and “Leaving
Las Vegas.”
INFO
Keys AHEC, (305) 743-7111, Ext. 204
Tropic Beats special
e South Florida Symphony Orchestra offers new
subscription series, Tropic Beats, beginning October.
Series presented in more informal and intimate
venues and provide more time for classical musical
lovers to socialize with food and drink as part of the
evening. Some things will not change — the professional virtuosity of the musician and exciting program
selections. Subscribe now to receive $50 discount for
each pass purchased.
n
Write ian at redtv_2005@yahoo.com
www.TropicCinema.com
Tropic Cinema, the only nonprofit art multiplex in
South Florida. Rated “Best Cinema in Florida
2009-2012”
TROPICAL BEATS Musical Excursions!
New series for 2013-14 Season moves classical music
from concert hall to locations around Key West.
Subscriptions, like season tickets to sporting events,
are way of purchase of an entire series or combination
of concerts in advance for a lower price than purchasing
each concert individually. With SFSO subscription
package, receive priority seating.
BITCHIN’
PARADISE
KIMBERELY DENNEY
| Continued from page 23
App sign up new!
e American Red Cross’ Team Red Cross App allows people to sign up to help, get an overview on basic
tasks and receive notifications about Red Cross disaster
volunteer opportunities. When the Red Cross needs
volunteers, Team Red Cross App notifies users based on
location. Download the app before a disaster strikes for
to help immediately. App is free and designed for
iPhone and Android smart phones and tablets.
Features: Team Red Cross App is the seventh in a
series of Red Cross apps on 3 million mobile devices
nationwide. A Red Cross survey shows apps tied with
social media as fourth most popular way to get information during emergencies, behind TV, radio and
online news sites. Nearly one-fifth of Americans receive
emergency information from an app. Team Red Cross
App available online, redcross.org/mobileapps
INFO
redcross.org, (202) 303-5551
Seven Mile Bridge near Marathon. e Florida Keys
Overseas Highway with its 42 bridges is one of five
All-American Road highways. Only 31 U.S. roads are
designated All-American by the National Scenic Byways program. e span on the right is historic and
no longer used for traffic.
20 www.konklife.com
to relationships. We don’t want the cougar to
get any ideas.
Personally, I’ll take an older guy with a
paunch any day over a 25 year old with rockhard abs. Because that older guy has learned
some lessons . . . and makes me feel less pressured to match those rock-hard abs. ey’re
more fun, wittier, charming, laid back. Oh, and
naturally confident. Take note, boys.
And hate to break the bad news, but we don’t
have to wear glasses to see through all your
moves. And those moves are pretty rote, and really old after about five minutes. Rethink your
game plan. And I’ll let you in on a little secret:
YOU’RE NOT THE PRIZE! But as long as
you think you are, keep on truckin’.
n
@bitchinparadise
A FAREWELL SALUTE ! JILL AND SANDY LARRY BLACKBURN | photographer
www.konklife.com 21
COMMUNITY
SPOTLIGHT
OUTBACK
ey’re coming!
KEY HAPPENING
Poker Run bikers ride the
Keys, September 19-22
Motorcyclists from throughout the United
States are to travel one of America’s most scenic
highways to raise money for charity during the
41st annual Phil Peterson’s Key West Poker
Run, ursday to Sunday, September 19-22.
e 2013 run features three Florida Keys
cruising days, so participants have more time
to explore the island chain.
Traditionally drawing up to 10,000 bikes,
the popular ride features a unique route down
the 113-mile Overseas Highway from mainland
Florida to Key West. Offering long vistas of
breathtaking sea and sky, roadway incorporates
42 bridges spanning the waters of the Atlantic
Ocean, Florida Bay and Gulf of Mexico.
Beginning September 1, bikers register to
ride at Peterson’s Harley-Davidson of Miami,
19400 N.W. 2nd Ave., and Peterson’s HarleyDavidson South, 19825 South Dixie Highway.
Online registration accepted before that date,
www.petersonsharley.com
Participating bikers receive poker sheets
when register and draw cards at designated
stops along the route. First stop opens at 9 a.m.
ursday, September 19. Riders check in at the
final stop in Key West by 5 p.m. Saturday,
September 21.
Entrants who draw the 10 best poker hands
are eligible to play in a winner-take-all round
of Texas Hold’Em,11 p.m. Saturday, September
21, at Rose Tattoo Bar, 618 Duval St. Winner
takes home a new Harley-Davidson Sportster
motorcycle or $6,000 cash.
A section of Lower Duval and Greene streets
are closed to car traffic — 11 a.m. Friday to 2
a.m. Saturday, and again 7 a.m. Saturday to 2
a.m. Sunday — so bikers with weekend parking
passes can park on the street to display bikes
and enjoy a street party.
Other attractions include ursday night
Upper Duval Crawl, Friday and Saturday bike
merchandise market, Saturday’s Biker Bash and
custom bike show, oceanside Sunday brunch
and weekend parties at Key West resorts and
watering holes.
Poker Run is a fundraiser for the Diabetes
Research Institute and charities of the Key
West Sunrise Rotary Club.
SoMo premiere
October’s southernmost marathon
Festival is on!
rough September 8
ousands of women have arrived in Key
West for the 27th annual Womenfest through
Sunday, September 8. At the acclaimed festival,
singles, couples and groups of women can experience the all-welcoming diversity and attractions that have helped make Key West an
internationally acclaimed LGBT vacation spot.
Events include afternoon poolside comedy
and games at Lighthouse Court Hotel, 902
Whitehead St., with pool parties and happy
hours; live entertainment at Pearl’s Key West,
525 United St. ere’s also kayaking and paddleboard eco-tours, snorkeling and dolphin
watching cruises, all-day watersports adventures, musical and comedy performances,
offbeat art classes and late-night dance parties
at Key West emporiums.
Entertainment includes comedy showcase
Friday, September 6, by award-winning lesbian
comedian Suzanne Westenhoefer at San Carlos
Institute, 516 Duval St. e gay comedian performed “e Late Show with David Letterman”
and HBO. Doors open 8 p.m.; 8:30 p.m. show.
Other performers: comedians Christine
O’Leary and Key West’s “Postal” Wendy
Carlisle, high-energy live music by Jennifer
Corday and Sister Funk, Girly–Burly Burlesque
Show and Key West rooster-painting class with
local artist Rick Worth.
Additional festival standouts: poker
challenge, “speed meeting” at Pearl’s, golfing,
dinner cruise and trolley tour spotlighting
Key West’s LGBT history and landmarks.
Event schedules and tickets at Womenfest
headquarters daily at Key West Business Guild’s
Gay Visitor Center, 513 Truman Ave.
INFO
www.womenfest.com
INFO
www.petersonskeywestpokerrun.com
22 www.konklife.com
e inaugural Southernmost Marathon & Half Marathon,
dubbed “SoMo,” follows a 26.2-mile or 13.1-mile route along
the Atlantic Ocean, Gulf of Mexico and scenic avenues of
southernmost city. Key West-based race Saturday, October 12,
with associated events ursday to Monday, October 10-14.
Marathon starts at 5:30 a.m. Saturday; half-marathon at 6
a.m. Start and finish lines at Pat Croce’s Rum Barrel, 528
Front St., event sponsor.
Racers run a flat, fast course along Key West’s historic Old
Town and Atlantic Ocean shoreline, neighboring Stock Island
and Keys’ Overseas Highway to Mile Marker 9. Halfmarathon contenders race along Key West’s Atlantic Ocean
shore and through Old Town. Water and “fueling” stations
along both courses. Pick up runner packets 3-6 p.m. ursday,
October 10, at Rum Barrel, or during race expo 10 a.m. to 9
p.m. Friday, October 11. Prerace dinner specials offered at
Rum Barrel and other Key West restaurants.
Race day spectators watch participants at “cheer zones” at
Key West’s Salute! On e Beach, 1000 Atlantic Blvd., and
Stock Island’s Lazy Dog Adventures, 5114 Overseas Highway
at Hurricane Hole Marina. Awards ceremony and party with
music 6-11 p.m. Saturday at Rum Barrel. Family-fun paddleboard races and Special Olympics athletes Sunday, October
13, benefitting Keys’ Special Olympics.
INFO $110 registration ($85 half-marathon)
www.somomarathon.com
Art exhibits
Mario Sanchez Exhibit, One Race-Una Raza, 10 AM,
Gallery on Greene, 606 Greene St. 294-1669.
galleryongreene.com
Workshops
• Mondays
Beading Workshop & Meeting, 1 PM, Guild Hall
Gallery, Upstairs, 614 Duval St. Jean Disrud,
304-8377.
• Wednesdays
Florida Keys Plein Air Painters, 9:30 AM, Joan Cox,
908-246-2043.
• Saturdays
Paint Your Own Pottery, 10 AM, Key West Pottery,
929A Truman Ave. 900-8303. keywestpottery.com
• Daily
Community Guitar Orchestra Keyswide,
Matthew Jampol Classical Guitar Studio, 304-1437
seaconcertmusic.com
Key West String Academy, Paul Dagle, 879-0560
keywestviolinstudio.com
Violin, viola, cello, uright bass. Music theory, history
and composition, instrument restoration.
BITCHIN’
PARADISE
COUGAR WHAT?
ougars. I really take ofteam, or a confused cougar looking
fense at that term, and
for easy sex but who is really seeking
I know I’m not the only one.
a relationship with a man. Yeah,
It’s something dreamed up by a
because any girl who has sex is deep
bunch of 20-something guys who
down looking for a long term
want to boost their already over
partner. Doesn’t matter who you
inflated egos. (Yes, I know some
are. Yeah. Keep drinking. I mean,
of you and you’re perfect gentlemen, dreaming.
like my upstairs neighbor, but bear
According to the website,
with me). Because honestly, what
Cougars dress suggestively — anywoman in her 30s or beyond really
thing to make a guy notice her —
wants to venture back to that mind- desperately not wanting to look
fuck minefield that only men in
middle age. Which is funny because
their 20s can coordinate?
I dressed suggestively in my 20s and
My friend Jodi, a hot chick who
now could really not care less about
calls herself Pit Bull Cougar — hey,
someone paying attention to my
she’s in NYC real estate — says
faux-cleavage. Men are advised
being a cougar is about a “sexy,
to “get close, see the wrinkles and
smart, together woman who can get makeup, but by this time she’s
any man she wants because she’s not already lured you to her lair.”
20 and stupid.” She totally nails it,
She’ll often be a smoker, since it’s
but unfortunately, I don’t think the
a sexy prop and “got a light” is a
rest of the world, or at least those
good approach, dies (and yes, that’s
20-something guys, see it that way.
how they spell it on askmen.com)
Yet we still win, because we’ve got
her hair, and dolls herself up.
something over on
Is this straight out
them yet again.
of a 1950s manual on
So for women,
how to tell the girls
Cougar is a term of
who put out from
empowerment, but
those who might put
of course men have
up a fight? Get the fuck
to dirty it up. We’ve
real, dudes.
survived our 20s, reFinally, we see that
alized we were way too
there is something a
good for whoever was
man can offer the
Kimberley
our albatross, started
cougar besides his
Denney
making decent money,
young bod: he should
@bitchinparadise
and now we’re ready to
be confident. But just
face men on an even
when you gained a
playing field. Our friends are marpoint, you lose a hundred: he
ried, or divorcing, but at this point
shouldn’t compliment her too much
we’re through trying to keep up
and, in fact, the hotter she is, the
with them. We’re happy. We just
more “negative hits” she’ll need.
want to have fun and not worry
And by all means, don’t give her
about where it’s going.
too many gifts because she might
So can a guy just go with it and
get ideas about where the relationenjoy the ride? No. ey have to
ship is going. And for the love
own it. Cougars target the boys
of god, don’t make reference
because they’re playful and easy.
| Continued on page 20
en websites like askmen.com have
Hit me up, yo:
to disrespect us. ey categorize
bitchinparadise@earthlink.net or
“Cougars” into two types: you’re
www.bitchinparadise.net
either the female equivalent of a
Tweeting @bitchinparadise
man meeting the Swedish bikini
C
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