Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.

Volume 12 number 72
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation
.
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would
identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some
really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They
were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when
a 'drop dead gorgeous' topless blonde came walking straight towards them
............They couldn't help but stare.
As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good
Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she
passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So
the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.
Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a
little while, the same gorgeous topless blonde came walking toward them. Again she nodded
at each of them and said Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk
away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.'
'Yes, Father?'
'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are
priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied, 'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.
1
Some recent pics of Derrick Boltt and friends who occasionally try to conquer the trails and rivers in
the Kei area. These guys go just about anywhere, track or no track ! They occasionally break
themselves and their bikes !
A pic of the attendees of our first 2014 Pub Night with 3 visitors, Mike Stone (local) and John
Hinshaw(Red Shirt) and Hilton(back row -surname not known) who had travelled from JHB to East
London to attend John Buckler's Funeral. Alrose (the rose amongst the thorns), needs be
commended for enduring 3 hours of "guy talk”!
Incidentally, John Hinshaw and John Buckler were members of the original Hells Angels in JHB. Even
although, many of our Disgracefuls "forgot" to attend, we had a great evening with very pleasant
company.
2
The new monk is assigned to helping the other monks in
copying the old canons and laws of
the church by hand. He notices,
however, that all of the monks are
copying from copies, not from the
original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to
question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small
error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that
error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries,
but you make a good point, my son.' He goes down into the dark caves
underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as
archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to
look for him. He sees him banging his head against the
wall and wailing. "We missed the R ! We missed the R !
His forehead is all bruised and he is crying
uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'
With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, 'The word was...CELEB R ATE
I was walking along Durban beach when I came across a lamp partially buried in the sand.
I picked up the lamp and gave it a rub. A genie appeared and told me I had been granted one wish. I thought for
a moment and said, "I want to live forever."
"Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."
"OK, then, I want to die after a Black government balances the budget, eliminates the debt and stamps out
corruption”
"You sneaky little bastard," said the genie…
3
Nymphomaniac Convention
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.
As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He
soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the
seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual
Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston"
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen
sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your
business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal
experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most wellendowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian, who is most likely to
possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually
it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern
Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I
shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."
Back on July 9th, a group of Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl
about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of
gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,
"Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railing'?"
She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend"
opportunity either so he asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give
ole George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a
long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his bikerbuddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,
"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real
talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode
with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.
4
February
March
8th Vlakvarkrun. Fochville. Boerbok
076 152 1021
7th -9th Pondu Rally, Langeni dam
Mthatha
14th-16th CMA Freedom Rally,
Struisbaai.
7th – 9th Bee Hive Rally, Greytown.
21-23rd Kwagga Rally Loskop.
Jannie 083 420 2599
28th-2nd of March. Impala Rally,
Hartebeespoort. 011 782 5521
14th – 16th Swallows Rally, Worcester.
21st -23rd Buffalo Rally, Mosselbay
21st -23rd Ratel Rally, Uitenhage.
28th Odyssey Cansa Shavathon, see
advertisement on page 8.
5
MARCH
1st Egbert Oosthuizen(G)
27th Wharton Smith (S)
29th Rae Hensberg (G)
30th Dalene Kerr(G)
30th Leiza Coetzer (S)
“I’m not getting older,
I’m getting better!”
Memo to our new and old farts
It is up to you to send me your Birth Dates. It is also up to you to inform me when you
move from (S) silver to (G) Gold and (P) platinum. (I do not have time to cut off your legs
and count the rings.) If you are (P) Platinum, you don’t have to do anything you have
reached the top. Yay!
Couldn’t help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at a bar. One
of the guys says to his buddy, "Man you look tired."
His buddy says, "Dude I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just
don't know what to do."
A fellow about my age (62), sitting a couple of stools down had also over-heard the
conversation. He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years
says, "Marry her. That'll put a stop to that shit!"
6
Our Chairman has requested that you take note of our proposed Club nights (below) so that you can
mark them off on your calendars in advance. This is to ensure that you are able to attend and not
come with pathetic excuses for not being there. This will be printed in every issue of our newsletter;
just to help you old farts remember these special evenings.
January 2014
Su
Mo
Tu
5
12
19
26
6
13
20
27
7
14
21
28
Su
Mo
6
13
20
27
7
14
21
28
Su
Mo
6
13
20
27
7
14
21
28
We
1
8
15
22
29
Th
2
9
16
23
30
February 2014
Fr
3
10
17
24
31
Sa
4
11
18
25
Su
Mo
Tu
We
Th
Fr
2
9
16
23
3
10
17
24
4
11
18
25
5
12
19
26
6
13
20
27
7
14
21
28
Fr
4
11
18
25
Sa
5
12
19
26
Su
Mo
Tu
We
4
11
18
25
5
12
19
26
6
13
20
27
7
14
21
28
Fr
4
11
18
25
Sa
5
12
19
26
Su
Mo
Tu
We
Th
3
10
17
24
31
4
11
18
25
5
12
19
26
6
13
20
27
7
14
21
28
April 2014
Tu
1
8
15
22
29
We
2
9
16
23
30
We
2
9
16
23
30
Mo
Tu
5
12
19
26
6
13
20
27
7
14
21
28
We
1
8
15
22
29
Su
Mo
Tu
We
Th
Fr
2
9
16
23
30
3
10
17
24
31
4
11
18
25
5
12
19
26
6
13
20
27
7
14
21
28
Sa
1
8
15
22
29
Th
1
8
15
22
29
Fr
2
9
16
23
30
Sa
3
10
17
24
31
Su
1
8
15
22
29
Mo
2
9
16
23
30
Fr
6
13
20
27
Sa
7
14
21
28
Fr
1
8
15
22
29
Sa
2
9
16
23
30
Su
Mo
1
8
15
22
29
June 2014
August 2014
Th
3
10
17
24
31
October 2014
Su
Sa
1
8
15
22
May 2014
Th
3
10
17
24
July 2014
Tu
1
8
15
22
29
March 2014
Th
2
9
16
23
30
Sa
4
11
18
25
We
4
11
18
25
Th
5
12
19
26
September 2014
7
14
21
28
November 2014
Fr
3
10
17
24
31
Tu
3
10
17
24
Su
Mo
Tu
We
Th
Fr
2
9
16
23
30
3
10
17
24
4
11
18
25
5
12
19
26
6
13
20
27
7
14
21
28
Tu
2
9
16
23
30
We
3
10
17
24
Th
4
11
18
25
Fr
5
12
19
26
Sa
6
13
20
27
December 2014
Sa
1
8
15
22
29
Su
7
14
21
28
Mo
1
8
15
22
29
Tu
2
9
16
23
30
We
3
10
17
24
31
Th
4
11
18
25
Fr
5
12
19
26
Sa
6
13
20
27
Please note the following:
21st of March is “Human rights day.”
18th of April is Good Friday
And the 9th -11th of May is our National Rally Weekend.
7
THE DANIELA DE ABREU CANSA
SHAVATHON CHALLENGE
FRIDAY 28th FEBRUARY 2014 at the BONZA BAY BOWLING CLUB
Odyssey Motor Cycle Club has for the past seven years, participated in the annual Shavathon in support of
CANSA. Over this period we have raised in the region of R195 000. This year the event is scheduled to take
place on Friday 28th February 2014 and our aim is to at least match the R42 100 which was raised last year.
With that in mind, we would like to issue a formal invitation to your Club/Group to support us in our endeavors.
The event will be held at the BONZA BAY BOWLING CLUB on Friday 28th February from 16h00 – 22h00.
The Club is at the end of Bonza Bay Road on the right.
Added attractions to ensure that this is a great fun-filled evening include:





Auction
Prizes
Nail Bar
Wild Coast FM 98.6 live radio broadcast from venue and Music
Food on sale.
We have decided this year to honor a young lady who passed away from Cancer last
year at the age of 17. For this reason we have named the event the DANIELA DE
ABREU MEMORIAL SHAVATHON. Daniela was a great supporter of the shavathon
in past years.
ALL of the proceeds from the SHAVATHON will go directly to the East London
Branch of CANSA and your support of this event will enable CANSA to support those
people who are afflicted by this dreadful disease.
If you are intending to accept the challenge please let us know. With the possibility of
large numbers, we would like to be as well prepared as possible.
Please circulate it to your members, family, friends etc as many as possible.
Rob Godlonton: Cell 083 700 3414
For those of you who don’t know it, Daniela was the niece of Pedro and Di.
8
It is going to be an interesting year. Not only do we have
the elections and all the jokes that go along with them
but soon it will be rugby season again with all the jesting
that follows. Here is a sneak peak at what I have in store
for you. Just remember, I only print what I am sent.
It looks like we are in for a fun year! Please don’t hesitate to send in your Political fun mail.
Oh by the way, I am a Bulls supporter so think very carefully about what you send me.
9
Hi guys, just a very short note to say hi. I trust that it is going well with
all of you. I see Leslie has too much time on her hands and is forever
posting on Face-Book. Marthinus and Leiza seem to spend most of their
time eating at various places around the country. Neville and Felicity
seem to be spending a lot of time with their new grandchildren. But
what has happened to the rest of you? It would seem that you are still
hung over from last year. Come on guys, put some turps under your
tails and get out there and do something. You can rest when you are
dead.
Cheers, Ken.
Ulysses Office, Contact Penny at: Cell: 0832967749
E-Mail: ulyssessa@telkomsa.net
Scribe: Ken Heath
Tel: 082 710 2534 for verbal abuse.
‘Disclaimer’
E-Mail: heathken@telkomsa.net for any contributions,
comments etc. (Please….please …please!!!!)
The opinions of the Scribe are not necessarily the product of a
sound mind and do not necessarily reflect the opinions or values
of Ulysses East London or any “Sane” person!
Lawyers: Legal Wise: “Don’t talk to me, talk to my
Lawyer!”
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