THE SINGLE MISSIONARY

ISSUE NO. 23
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2014
IN THIS ISSUE...
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4
6
7
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The Single Missionary
Being Single in the Field has its Pros & Cons
M y “ N o t Ye t M a r r i e d ” L i f e
How to Look for a Spouse When It Looks
L i k e Yo u H a v e F e w O p t i o n s
THESINGLEMISSIONARY
For the last issue of GO & i, the focus was on
the missionary family. This issue, the theme
is on serving as a single. Being a missionary
is one calling where one’s marital status
becomes an important topic for discussion.
We will approach it from several different
perspectives. The article by GOI Thailand
Mission Field Director Rita Leung provides
the point of view of a single missionary, who
has voluntarily accepted not being married
for the sake of God’s Kingdom. The article by
Sarah Sau tells her story of her decision to
marry a missionary. The last article provides
guidance for single missionaries who are
seeking a marriage partner.
Mission history is filled with the courageous,
faithful and fruitful examples of single
missionaries who have advanced God’s
mission with pioneering efforts. Google such
names as Mary Slessor, Gladys Aylward,
Bruce Olson, Amy Carmichael, Rachel Saint,
David Brainerd, Lottie Moon and Helen
Roseveare and be prepared to be inspired
by their amazing stories. There can be no
greater proof of God’s endorsement of single
missionary service than the Biblical examples
of Jesus Christ and the Apostle Paul both
singles.
From Jesus’s example we learn that it
was His relationship with the Father which
provided Him a clear understanding of His
mission, calling, identity and the necessary
grace from God to be who he needed to be
and accomplish all that was required of [...]
In preparing this article I sent a questionnaire
to the field director of a GOI mission field
whose mission team has many single
missionaries. The missionaries’ responses
gave good insight to many issues regarding
serving on the field as a single.
None of them faced opposition from parents,
families, friends and church when they decided
to serve as singles. Each was grateful for the
support and encouragement they received. It
gave them confidence to venture out. Some
had concerns prior to leaving. Some of the
worries were loneliness, their continued
desire to get married, and ministering to the
opposite sex and getting along with married
team members.
The objective is to discern one’s calling
and gift and to accept it. Relying on God’s
promise found in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know
the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future,” Margery
Foyle describes this place of acceptance. “A
place of maturity is reached where singles
truly understand that God has no favorites
and that being single is His best for some but
not for others… they discover that everyone
engaged in God’s service, married and single
may have to face severe problems demanding
an equal need for coping strategies… the end
result for long term singles is usually a real
confidence that God has planned wisely and
a sense of peace about the whole issue.”
One missionary received excellent training
prior to entering the mission field. She took a
workshop on being single in the field taught
by experienced single missionaries. The
discussion was frank and realistic and the
advice she received has proven useful. She
recommends seeking out this type of training.
Once on the field, each received orientation
which addressed their issues of concern.
They a were taught how to live safely in their
environment. They received specific advice
on how to minister with those of the opposite
sex. They were advised how to promote the
unity of the mission team, between the married
and single. With everyone focusing on team
unity, the single missionaries appreciate
the recognition, respect, encouragement
Did You Know...
[...] Him. From Paul that point is re-iterated.
Marriage and singleness can both be states
of blessing. Since there is no command for
all to marry or all to be single, both states are
declared in the Bible to be “good.” The idea
is that human completeness and significance
is not determined by one’s marital status
but from one’s relationship with God. For
Paul, his singleness was to be preferred as
it allowed him to focus on his ministry. But
he recognized not everyone could do as he
did. He understood marriage or singleness
as not merely a matter of personal choice,
but each should be seen as a personal calling
from God. To be successful in either requires
a gift from God. (I Corinthians 7:7)
Singleness is #4 reason given when some who are called do not make it to
the mission field, or take a long time getting there or leave the mission field.
In the 21st Century the number of single missionaries has doubled.
Most single missionaries are women (85%).
In the past century, the number of single adult Americans has increased from
3 to 40% of the adult population.
and caring they have received. None of
the missionaries have faced discrimination
because of their single status, and none has
experienced difficulty being accepted by the
local people because they were single. All
were able to find suitable living arrangements.
Each feels being single is a special blessing
as they have experienced a real freedom as
they have served. They would agree with
the Apostle Paul that they can give their
ministries undivided attention and devotion.
They also have more personal time, freedom
in financial support and time management
and flexibility in arranging the details of
their ministry. Loneliness is one difficulty
mentioned by several. They deal with it by
developing hobbies, staying connected to
supporters, and finding spiritual partners for
accountability, and support.
God created each of us. We are fearfully and
wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) God had
something in mind, for each of us when He
created us. We are designed for His purpose
and as we answer His Call we will find the role
He has for us fits us is suited for us. (Ephesians
2:10). Single or married His yoke is easy and
His burden is light. (Matthew 11:30) If you are
single on the missionary road, we pray this
issue will be an encouragement to you.
Being Single in
the Field Has its
I have been a single for all my life and have been
a missionary for twenty five years. I cannot say
my experience is the norm but I would like to
share with you some of my experiences. As I
looked back, I smiled and praised my GOD for
His plan for my life. Left to my own efforts, I
doubt I could have come up with such an
interesting and meaningful life.
At the time, I could not fully comprehend my
elders’ concern over my singleness when they
interviewed me for missions. I have to say,
“Thank you” many times over since then (25
years ago). They helped me to think through
what I was going to face in my life as a missionary.
They did a good job in preparing me mentally,
more than I would have done by myself. I
recalled a few of their questions, “Would you
feel left out when all your college friends are
climbing the corporate ladder, when they are
getting married one after another, when they
all have their house, spouse and children? You
may be the only one that never gets to have
big house, etc. On the mission field, there may
be only male leaders and women might have
little say in decision making, can you handle
that? What about your family pressure of this
and that?” It’s always good to be made aware
of the realities, to go into a situation knowing
what to expect.
P r os
CON S
Despite the good preparation, there was still
confusion as I began on my first assignment.
I was caught in a tug of war between the
mission field and the organization (Not GOI, I
was serving with another mission organization
at that time). They refused to give me any
furniture when I arrived on the field. I slept on
the floor for a few months while both parties
were still negotiating. It was because I was
single. The other families who arrived to the
organization all had fully furnished apartments.
Well, I was upset, but God solved the issue by
having a student build me a bed and table top
with a piece of plywood. Lesson learned: When
problems get solved (because God does care
and will faithfully provide), there is no need to
go look for someone to blame.
There were two occasions where I lived in a
storage room for three months in the mission
field. I thank GOD because I was single and had
more flexibility than a family would have been
able. I was able to find housing of my choice
later, instead of moving into anything that was
available. Lesson Learned: God has better plan
for me tomorrow. I can have my choice of color
and décor of my heavenly room.
I was waiting for the train and it was delayed for
six hours, I was waiting for the plane and [...]
[...] the airline kept postponing the
departure time (I ended up spending
the entire night at the airport). Travel
delays were something I accepted easily
since coming to Thailand. I need to give
ample time for travel, and always keep a
book on hand to read, so waiting time is
not wasted away by constantly looking at
my watch. The thought of being single
zoomed through my brain in those hours.
Lesson learned: I thank GOD I was single
and not holding a crying baby in my arms
during those waiting times.
Loneliness is something I have to deal
with. In a big crowd or when I feel left
out, I learned to talk to Jesus who is in my
heart at any time. Being Chinese, I am not
used to hugging and being hugged; yet I
can picture myself being embraced by my
heavily Father when I feel lonely. GOD
also provided me with friends in a lot of
places. I have friends that I can share
deeply and freely when I needed to. I can
call up missionary friend without previous
arrangement but simply show up with my
sleeping bag. They take me in without a
question and I felt welcome and accepted
as a family member. “Auntie Rita” is a
sweet song to my ears. I have many little
and young MK as buddies. I thank GOD
for missionary families in the field who
can accept singles into their lives. Lesson
Learned: Open my house for others at all
time.
Tough issues as a single lady in the field
for me are that I didn’t have the time to
develop cooking skill or develop my hobby
of making models. Well, other than this
there are times I wished I was married,
especially when I need to move my house.
But, GOD provided me a way out each
time. So, there are no complaints in that
area.
I have had chances to develop relationships,
but my priority is to stay in the mission
field. I had to turn them down and
these were my own decisions. I have
no regrets.
I praise the Lord, He
deemed me worthy to serve Him and
to serve the Thai people, Amen.
By Rita Leung
GOI’s Thailand Mission Field
Field Director
Seven years later, I went to graduate school for my
Master of Chinese degree.
Rev. Lawrence Fung,
Deputy International Director-Resource for GOI invited
me to serve at GOI. My responsibilities included
updating missionaries’ prayer letter, posting their
news and updates on GOI’s website. This gave me the
opportunity to learn a great deal about mission and
missionaries’ life. Before this I had an idealized view of
being a missionary and I believed that my becoming a
missionary was beyond the realm of possibility. But as
I grew to understand better the realities of missionary
life, I learned that after all, the possibility of becoming
an oversea missionary was closer than I had thought.
My“Not Yet M a r ri ed” Li fe
By S a ra h S a u
Every time when people would tell me that I have the
gift for being single, there was a little uneasy feeling in
my heart. Oops, I thought it meant that God wants me
to be single for my entire life. Although I do enjoy my
single life, I was still longing for marriage. A couple of
years ago, I learned from one of my seminary classes,
there are three divisions: the single, the married, and
the not-yet married. From that point on, I liked to
describe my status as “not-yet married.”
Sometimes changing our status is not totally up to us.
Since to be married, another person is also involved
so a lot is beyond my control. But we can control and
even change our attitude. I am not sure if there is any
formula or equation that will guarantee us to find “The
One”. I’ve been told: Pray for your future spouse, learn
to cook, take a class or attend a workshop. We can
spend a lot of our time to get ready for our marriage.
These are all good ways to prepare. However, for me, I
now believe my life doesn’t start after I get married. I
should treasure every moment of my life, regardless if I
am the single, or not-yet married or married.
After I graduated from college, I worked at a Christian
organization, which focuses on serving the local Chinese
immigrant. Through community service, literature and
media production, we connected with friends and
neighbors in the Chinatown area, and then we would
share the Gospel with them. In an organization with
very limited resources and tons of needs, our work
hours sometimes can be very long. This often separated
me from my social life with friends. My family and
friends worried that I worked such long hours in my
organization, how could I get the opportunity to meet
new friends, how could I find my “Mr. Right”.
One day, during a weekly prayer meeting for GOI
missionaries, I heard a name of a brother who was about
to serve in Colombia, South America. At that time, I
had no idea that this brother will eventually became
The One in my life. Our Lord declares “For my thoughts
are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”
(Isaiah 55:8) His plan is far beyond my thoughts.
Later, I asked my Mr. Right, what was it about me that
attracted him to want to get to know me better. Out of
the blue, he answered, “your commitment to work in
Christian organization, not just 1 or 2 years, but 7 years.”
He had also worked in a Christian organization, so he
knew what it is like, with very limited resources and
tons of needs, with work that can be very demanding.
He admired that I have the persistence to keep at it. For
so many years, people around me told me if I continue
to work in a Christian organization, with long work
hours and low pay, I might never be able to meet my
Mr. Right. But today, my Mr. Right told me, one thing
that attracted him was my commitment in this Christian
organization.
There is no one formula or equation that will lead to
our Mr. Right. Instead of wondering, “When will he
come to my doorstep?”, I prefer to live my life moment
by moment: to make the most of each moment for the
Glory of God. I treasure whatever the status that the Lord puts me in and try my best
to be a good steward of the time and resources that the Lord has given me.
Soon, the Lord will change my status from not-yet married to married, and I will switch
from co-worker in Christian non-profit to missionary/pastor’s wife. I am sure there
will be a lot of challenges ahead of me. Looking back, my life experience, through my
education and work, from local ministries, to studying Chinese in graduate school,
and then being introduced to overseas, cross cultural mission in GOI, God is leading
me step by step to the mission field. Today, God led me to the Right One who has the
passion to be a missionary and have the burden for the people of South America.
After all, every life in Christ is full of challenges and adventure, regardless if you are
single, not-yet married or married. Being a missionary/pastor’s wife is what the Lord
has called me for my next status. I will learn to adjust myself and work hard to live up
to this: “ being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it
on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)
Sarah Sau will marry Kenny Yu whose story of raising support can be found in GO & i
#21. They will serve together in Colombia.
In his Locksley Hall poem Lord Tennyson to pick someone of the opposite gender,
famously asserts, “In the spring a young thereby cutting the global pool of candidates
man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.” in half. Further, you’d like someone roughly
I contend that a young man’s fancy can’t of your own culture, which, depending on
“turn to thoughts of love” in
the size of your people, may
the spring, since they haven’t
significantly cut down the list
really ever turned away from
of candidates!
such thoughts. Turns out, How to Look for a
“thoughts of love” pretty
More names are cut from
much form a core in the
the list when you add that
psyche of most young men.
you desire to marry a fellow
And old ones. And women
Christian (snip, snip...), who
as well. Even those men and
really lives the faith (spin
women who’ve dedicated
snip), who also has a desire
their lives to God’s purposes
to work cross-culturally (snip,
outside of their home cultures
snip...) and finally, since
BY SHANE BENNETT
Most of us, regardless of our
you drank the Perspectives
vocation, are subject to a
Kool-Aid, someone who is
deep and emphatic need to connect - connect (snip, snip, SNIP!) headed toward unreached
to family, friends, God, and for a good number peoples! The result? Four guys qualify! You
of us, a spouse.
grew up with two of them in church. After
your mom said you’d make a great couple,
Here’s how it might go: You have a sense you swore to never be more than just friends.
that God wants to use you for his kingdom All this is well before you get to your other
among a culturally distant people group. You list with items, like eye color or depth of
decide you’d also like to marry someone. You appreciation for Jane Austen novels.
start your search with a determination only
Spouse
When It Looks
Like You Have
Few Options
What’s a girl (or guy!) to do? Here are three thoughts..
Ouch, I don’t even like typing that. It seems to be just
a step or two above telling someone, “It’s okay; you’re
no.1
married to Jesus.” But since almost all of us have to (or
have had to) be patient in the spouse department, it’s really only a matter of degree.
Be patient
AREA
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no.2
Fish in the right pond
If you’re designed by God to live a chunk of your life in a
different culture and you’ve been asking him for a spouse,
hang out in situations where others like you are likely
to be. If that’s who you are, your dream guy is probably
not spending the upcoming summer on the couch in his
mom’s basement mastering his new Call of Duty game. He’s
answering the call of duty in Calcutta, holding the hand of
someone as they die of AIDS, or in Istanbul, drinking tea and
playing backgammon with Muslims.
Since this point could be derisively titled, “Short Term as
Spouse Hunting,” let me add this caveat: Please don’t go on
a mission trip just to find a spouse! I’m just saying to keep
your eyes open. I think generally God would be pleased to
link you up with someone who shares your vision. I know
anecdotally that this worked for me: Ann and I fell in love
one summer in Izmir, Turkey, all the while obeying our team
rules not to date. (Almost totally obeying them. Really.)
no.3 Check out Called
Together
Not too long ago, if a couple found each other on line,
they’d guard that secret like the recipe for KFC chicken.
Today, more and more good relationships start at an online
dating site. Now technology and cultural acceptance has
caught up with the dream that goes back at least as far as
Roberta Winter, who famously advocated for a missionary
matchmaking system.
Director of Operations Gerin St. Claire says www.
calledtogether.us is not just a dating site, but “a global
community of singles pursuing transformational
engagement outside the comfort zone of their own
cultures, whether serving through NGOs, education,
business, justice, media, or other means. If you are
dedicating your life to making him known where he is not
known now, CalledTogether seeks to connect you to other
singles who share your specific burdens and calling, who
can partner with you, in teams or through godly marriages
and family.”
About Shane Bennet t: Shane has been loving Muslims and connecting people who love Jesus with Muslims for more than 20
years. He contributes regularly to the “Practical Mobilization” section at Mission Catalyst (www.missionscatalyst.net) where this
article first appeared. Reprinted with permission.
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