Change Your Thoughts How to Make True Friends A

Transcription

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Change Your Thoughts Guide
How to Make True Friends
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How to Make
True Friends
Ebook design by CharfishDesign
Copyright © Steven Aitchison 2010. All rights reserved.
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Change Your Thoughts guides have been written by Steven Aitchison from www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog
I am writing a series of guides on self development and will add one per month, each costing $7. The guides will be short
and packed full of information on each topic, typically between 20 – 40 pages in length.
I hope you like this guide to making friends. If you have any questions please do not hesitate to get in touch with me on
enquiries@stevenaitchison.co.uk
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
No part of this report may be reproduced or transmitted in any form whatsoever, electronic, mechanical, including
photocopying, recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system without the informed, written, dated, and
signed consent of the author.
DISCLAIMER AND LEGAL NOTICES
The information presented within this ebook solely and fully represents the views of the author as of the date of
publication. Any slight to, or potential misrepresentation of, any peoples or companies is entirely unintentional. As a
result of changing information, conditions or contexts, this author reserves the right to alter content or option with
impunity. This ebook is for informational purposes only and the author does not accept any responsibility for any liability
resulting from the use of this information. While every attempt has been made to verify the information contained herein,
the author and his resellers and affiliates cannot assume any responsibility for errors, inaccuracies, or omissions
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
Introduction.................................................................................................................6
Chapter One - Know Yourself .......................................................................................7
Know Yourself .......................................................................................................................7
Values and Principles ...........................................................................................................8
Looking at your Friends ........................................................................................................8
Other Articles You Might Be Interested In ......................................................................9
Chapter Two - The Pride of Loneliness .......................................................................10
Playing Games ......................................................................................................................10
Being Genuine ........................................................................................................................11
Other Articles You Might Enjoy ............................................................................................11
Chapter Three - The Art of Honesty...........................................................................12
Why Being Honest is Important ..........................................................................................12
From now on…......................................................................................................................13
Chapter Four ...............................................................................................................14
Chapter Five -Get Out of Self-Deprecation Mode .....................................................18
The self-deprecator ............................................................................................................18
Dealing with the self deprecator.......................................................................................18
The cycle of self-doubt .......................................................................................................19
Stopping the cycle and gaining confidence........................................................................19
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A powerful way to change your beliefs.............................................................................20
Other articles you might enjoy .........................................................................................20
Chapter Six - Attracting the Friends You Want ........................................................21
How does it work? ...............................................................................................................21
Belief ....................................................................................................................................21
Does this sound like a lot of rubbish?................................................................................22
Other articles you may enjoy.............................................................................................22
Chapter Seven - Be Yourself ......................................................................................23
What does be yourself mean?............................................................................................23
How to be yourself..............................................................................................................23
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INTRODUCTION
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AKING FRIENDS AFFECTS all of us all of
the time. If we don’t learn it when we are
young it is difficult to learn when we are
older. However, it needn’t be hard. In this CYT guide to
making friends I will show you lots of different ways you
can get to know yourself and how to let your personality
shine to others. You might be comfortable making friends
with other people but you are not a good friend to
yourself, this guide will cover this very important aspect
as well.
Although we might not want to admit it sometimes we all
like to have a few good friends and the best person to
befriend right now is yourself. If you are not a good friend
to yourself you can’t be a good friend to others.
I hope you enjoy this eBook. If you have any questions
please feel free to contact me.
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CHAPTER ONE - KNOW YOURSELF
CHAPTER ONE
KNOW YOURSELF
M
Know Yourself
You can’t make friends with people until you know what
type of people you want to like. To know what type of
person you want to like you have to know yourself first.
aking friends is not easy for a lot of people,
How on earth do you begin to know yourself?
and for some the thought of speaking to
Write yourself down on a piece of paper, seriously.
others is terrifying. This can be debilitating in
On a sheet of paper get to know yourself by asking
your life and if you’re the self conscious type it makes it
yourself questions, for example:
even worse. You might worry about what people think of
you, you might be thinking about saying the right thing
★ What type of films do you like?
too much rather than being yourself and engaging in
★ What type of books do you like to read?
authentic conversation.
★ What sports do you like?
★ What are your hobbies?
Many people suffer from self consciousness and the need
★ Who do you like to spend time with?
to impress, and it shows. It’s easy for people to say: ‘relax,
★ What are your best personality traits?
just be yourself’ that’s no good when you don’t really
★ What are your worst personality traits?
know who you are as you’re trying to impress too many
★ What are your goals?
different kinds of people.
★ What are your values?
★ What are your principles
I was self conscious around very intelligent people, but I
got over it once I realised I was intelligent enough to
speak to intelligent people, how intelligent is that!!
By asking yourself lots of questions, you will begin to
understand what makes you tick. When you know this
you begin to see how you will live your life and then it will
become clear what type of friends you want in your life.
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You have to know your own values and principles before
them. It was one of the most difficult decisions I ever had
you befriend other people.
to make but it changed the course of my life.
Values and Principles
Aligning yourself to the right people, and by that I mean
If you don’t really know yourself you will befriend some
with yourself and you will start to feel confident and
people and maybe later on you will wonder why you ever
secure in your environment.
the right people for you, you will become comfortable
befriended that person, it’s because they are not aligned
Once you are secure you can then start to move a little
to your true values and principles.
outside your comfort zone and stretch yourself. For
So, sit down with a good cup of tea, or whatever is your
want, and make a date with yourself. Getting to know you,
may sound ridiculous but you may be surprised how
much you will find out about yourself.
example, if one of your values is to be a positive person, it
will be natural to want to be around positive people. If
you have been around negative people a lot, it might be
out of your comfort zone to try and befriend positive
people. However you will eventually do this, as you will be
more secure and confident within yourself and know what
Looking at your Friends
you really want in life.
Once you have found out what your true values and
principles are, it’s time to look at your friends and find
out if you really want to stay friends.
I remember having some friends in my teens. When I
realised I wasn’t aligned to their values and principles and
they were not aligned to mine, I decided to split from
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Other Articles You Might Be
Interested In
Know yourself - Success Television
Know yourself tests - amusedbee
Isis on ego and choices - Spiritual Awakening
Benefits of Journaling - Rainbow dreams
Do you know yourself - AllNaturalWahm
What makes you fabulous - Powerful Living
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CHAPTER TWO - THE PRIDE OF LONELINESS
CHAPTER TWO
THE PRIDE OF LONELINESS
Playing Games
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calling that person for fear of them knowing you like him
HE WORLD HAS never been so connected but
we have never been so alone. When was the last
time
you
had
a
conversation
with
your
neighbours? When did you last strike up a conversation
with someone in a lift (an elevator)? Our world has
A lot of us have become so psychologically and politically
aware that we are all playing games with each other.
When you are dating someone new have you ever held off
or her, have you ever come across this scenario:
You have met someone you like and it’s clear they like
you. You go to call them to meet up:
become so exciting and manic that we are forgetting to
You: ‘He might think I like him too much so I will hold
connect with each other.
off calling them, I’ll wait another few days.’
If we want to speak to someone we send a ‘quick email’ or
give them a ‘quick call’, if we want to see our friends
Them: ‘I wish she would call, I don’t want to call in case
holiday snaps we check out their Bebo site, if we want to
she thinks I am desperate, I’ll wait another couple of days
meet someone new we check out a dating website.
and call her.’
If we want to make true friends with people, we have to
We play games at work, in our love life, in our business
start connecting with them on a genuine way.
life and even in our family life. All of this adds up to us
feeling even more alone and isolated from each other.
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wouldn’t have 2000 subscribers to this blog, I wouldn’t
Being Genuine
have written one single word if it wasn’t for you. I have
If it’s one thing I have learned in life that has helped me
more than anything and that’s being honest and genuine.
By genuine I mean not having an agenda when speaking
to someone. I have gained a reputation of being a very
honest and open person. If somebody asks me a question
that they may not like the answer to I always ask ‘Do you
want me to tell the truth here or do you want me to tell
you what you want to hear?’ I have mixed reactions to
that question, but it has gained me a great reputation of
being trustworthy and honest.
made some great contacts through blogging and I am one
of the most anti-social people you could meet, however I
choose my relationships wisely and don’t collect friends
for the sake of it. I recognise the importance of creating
lasting friendships for myself and for others.
We are social creatures and we all need somebody. Why
not smile at that person in the lift and strike up a
conversation, stop and speak to your neighbours for 5
minutes, have a genuine conversation with no agenda
with your work colleagues. It’s time to become a social-
It’s time to stop playing games and being honest with
yourself and being honest with others, this will start you
on the road to connecting with others again.
Being honest can be hard for some people however the
effort of being honest will stand you in good stead for
human again instead of a techno-human.
The next article in this series will be ‘The art of honesty’
and I look forward to seeing you here.
Other Articles You Might Enjoy
making friends easily.
Serious health risks of lonlieness - Diethack
We all need people to help us in life, we need love, we
The Fondness of being lonely - Life is elsewhere
need praise, and we need conversation. Even online we
The Seven wrong reasons people fall in love - William
Strickland
need people to help us reach our goals. If it wasn’t for you
reading this article right now I wouldn’t have a blog, I
6 Ways to make true friends in your workplace- The Daily
Mind
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CHAPTER THREE - THE ART OF HONESTY
CHAPTER THREE
THE ART OF HONESTY
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T’S EASY TO say be honest and open with
everyone but there is an art to being honest.
Honesty is telling the truth to people and telling the truth
to yourself. This is a big distinction to make. Some people
lie to themselves and can’t get to the truth, as they are lost
in their own self-lies.
Why Being Honest is Important
To gain respect from others and to have respect for
yourself it is important to be honest and true to yourself
I remember when I was about 19, I was dancing with a
and others. If you are honest from the outset you will gain
girl in a nightclub, (that was back in the day when you just
a reputation for being an honest person, therefore you
went up to a girl and tapped her on the shoulder and she
will gain the reputation for being trustworthy, therefore
was obliged to dance with you). I was talking away to her,
gaining the reputation of being dependable. Being honest
just general chitchat. I then asked when her baby was due,
can open so many doors for you.
as she was obviously pregnant. She looked at me and
asked me to repeat what I had said, obviously the music
Practising honesty with yourself
was too loud, I then asked her ‘When is the baby due?’
To practise honesty you have to start being honest with
looking toward her stomach. She glared at me and said
yourself.
‘I’m not pregnant, I’m just ******* fat,’ and she then
stormed off. Now that was embarrassing. What did I learn
from that? – Never ask a fat woman if she is pregnant!
Yep, but I learned to keep my mouth shut until I was sure
★ Are you a lazy git – if so, admit it and do
something about it.
★ Are
you
fat
–
Admit
it,
and
do
of the facts else a swift kick between the legs could be on
something about it if you’re not happy
its way. That wasn’t about honesty it was about diplomacy
with it
and tact and it ties in nicely with the art of honesty.
★ Are you gorgeous – Admit it and make
the most of it
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★ Are you good at something – admit it
and keep learning to become better
This is being assertive which goes hand in hand with
honesty once you have practised honesty for a while.
★ Do you really want that job – Look for
another one and chuck the one you
I am sure you can think of hundreds of scenarios where
don’t like
you have to tell the truth but feel a little uncomfortable
★ Do you really want to be with your
partner
doing it. If you shy away from telling the truth or standing
up for yourself practise little by little. Once you’ve
overcome the first honesty hurdle the rest become easier.
There are many questions to ask yourself and ask you
must to ever have self-respect.
My wife always asks me my opinion on something she is
wearing, or something she wants my opinion on, as she
Practising honesty with others
knows I will be completely honest without being hurtful
Once you are comfortable telling yourself the truth it is
and she respects that.
time to tell others in a way that is neither offensive or
hurtful.
From now on…
Q. Do I look fat in this?
If you want more respect for yourself and you want others
A. It’s not the kind of thing I would wear, now
to respect you it is important for honesty in your life.
unless they have a very low IQ they will know what you
mean here but without hurting and embarrassing them.
Q. Can you to take on another project?
A. I would love to work on that, however I want
more time with my family and I am already
working on _______.
There are two rules I would use when being honest:
★ When you are being honest with other
people, be tactful not hurtful.
★ When being honest with yourself, be
blunt and take action.
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CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FOUR
BODY LANGUAGE
W
E’VE ALL READ about body language and
seen TV programs about it. It’s one of the
most important parts to communication we
can master and there is an art to body language, both the
receiving of body language and the giving out of body
language.
friends and when wanting to help your overall interaction
with others personally or in business or in the workplace.
You might not realise that body language has wide range
of components. Here are the main categories:
★ Proxemics (proximity)
★ Haptics
★ Oculesics
★ Chronemics
★ Olfactics
★ Vocalics
★ Locomotion
Walking,
running,
staggering, limping
Although body language skills can be learned to a degree
it is extremely difficult to teach due to the nature of
humans and the different shapes and sizes we come.
However if we know the components of body language
and have a rough idea of the structure we can become
better body language communicators.
Obviously to look at each component and write about it
Learning about body language can help when making
★ Kinesics (body language)
★ Adornment
would be a book in itself so I will give an example of each
component and direct you to a useful website.
Kinesics: This is how we use our body to let others know
how we are feeling. Some body language signals used are:
Shoulder shrug: The simple act of a shoulder shrug can
tell someone a lot about you if you use this gesture a lot.
It’s basically telling the other person that you are quite
submissive, you’re telling them you don’t know something
and sometimes you’re saying you don’t really care. It’s
also a sign of resignation and possibly that you’ve given
up on something.
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You can read more about Kinesics here.
touch your arm when they are telling you a story, this
happens quite a lot in human interaction, but only with
Proxemics: This is the use of space to signal privacy or
people who trust you or whom you trust.
attraction to someone. There are four different types of
space: social space, personal space, intimate space and
This also happens when two people are attracted to each
public space.
other and it is a way of touching the other person in a
non-sexual way but still give the sign that you are
When you are attracted to someone you will notice that
interested in them.
you will stand closer to them and don’t mind them
coming into your personal space. On the other hand if you
Couples use haptics all the time to convey love for each
are not attracted to someone your personal space
other and of course to show love for each other.
becomes bigger and the person that enters that space will
be given clues by you to back off or you will back off.
You can read more about Haptics here.
Be careful to read the signs correctly about personal space
Oculesics: This is the use of eye contact to convey your
as it can be uncomfortable and embarrassing for you and
feelings. We will use eye contact every day of our lives so
the person you are with, if not read correctly.
it makes sense to learn the best ways to use your eyes to
your advantage.
You can read more about Proxemics here.
Certain situations demand different uses of the eyes. For
Haptics: The use of touch to convey feelings. Have you
example, if you are arguing it is seen as strong if you can
ever had someone who touches you on the shoulder or the
hold your gaze. If you are deferring to someone it is better
arm when they are talking to you? This is the use of
to lower your eyes, if you are loving someone, it is good to
Haptics to convey a sign or trust or attraction. Think
stare into the pool of the eyes.
about a time when you are chatting to someone and they
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Eye contact is one of the most important areas in non-
religiously to plans, emphasizes promptness, and is
verbal communication.
accustomed to short-term relationships.
You can read more about Oculesics here.
Ploychronemic person: do many things at once,
highly distracted and are subject to interruptions, change
Chronemics: Use of time, waiting, pausing. I remember
plans often and easily, have a strong tendency to build
being obsessed with time when I was meeting someone
lifetime relationships.
for a date. My mantra was ‘If they are not on time for a
date they are not that interested’. I used to wait for 15
Read more about Chronemics here.
minutes tops and would then leave. This is of course a bit
silly, but it said a lot about me and it says a lot about the
Olfactics: The use of smell to help us in our lives. We all
other person as well.
know that smell is important when it comes to warning us
of dangers, for example rotten food smells, which is a
Your speed of speech is also a non-verbal indicator that
warning to us not to eat it.
you are in a hurry, or you don’t think people will listen
long enough to let you speak slower. There are a lot of
Humans also use this knowledge of smell to attract a
Chronemic indicators in body language and it is one I find
potential mate. This is why the perfume industry is still
the most interesting.
booming and also why ads portray deodorants in a sexual
way.
There are two types of people when it comes to
chronemics, see if you can recognise yourself:
Vocalics: Tone of voice, timbre, volume, speed. Another
important aspect of human interaction especially for sales
Monochronemic person: someone who does one job
people, public speakers and politicians etc. Your voice
at a time, concentrates on the job at hand, adheres
gives a lot of clues about how you are feeling at any
particular time.
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If you speak to quickly it could be sign that you think that
Shoulders hunched head down, walking slowly. Now
what you are saying is not worthy of being heard.
think about how you walk when you are feeling bright and
Speaking too loudly is a sign of brashness and pomposity,
confident; head held high, chest out, walk quickly.
speaking too softly is a sign of being too timid and lacking
confidence. Your voice holds a lot of clue to the type of
The way you walk tells a person a lot about you. I always
person you are.
walk in a confident way even if I am feeling low, it helps
me to get into a better mood and feel more confident.
Read more about Vocalics here.
When you are feeling weary, try walking as if you are
confident and very happy, pretty soon you’ll be feeling
Adornment: What you wear and how you wear it. What
more confident and happier.
you wear is another indication of your personality. One
classic example is wearing something to distinguish you
Read more about Locomation here.
from another group, think about the mods and the
rockers, or Goths, punks, teddy boys, skaters etc.
As you can see I have only touched the tip of the iceberg
when it comes to body language. It is a fascinating subject
Your hairstyle is another part of adornment and the way
and one I would recommend learning about. Most of us
you wear your hair says a lot about you.
instinctively can read the signs of body language but we
can always learn more and gain advantage when it comes
Think about the phrase ‘First impressions last”, most
to making friendships in all areas of our lives.
people dress to impress when meeting someone for the
first time or for going for an interview, this is part of the
non verbal communication side of adornment.
Locomotion: Walking, running, staggering, limping.
How do you walk when you are felling depressed or low?
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CHAPTER FIVE -GET OUT OF SELF-DEPRECATION MODE
CHAPTER FIVE
GET OUT OF SELFDEPRECATION MODE
T
For some people they have developed the art of selfdeprecation and function very well. They draw people in
and make people feel sorry for them, thereby offering help
when someone is putting themselves down, this quickly
becomes tiresome and the person who is helping all the
time will start to avoid the person putting themselves
down.
HE QUICKEST WAY to lose potential friends
Self-deprecation can also be an indicator of some form of
is to put yourself down all the time. People who
mental illness; severe depression, and stress. It can also
do this, no matter what’s going on in their lives,
be an indicator of some kind of trauma in someone’s life
are very tiresome and drain everyone’s energy.
such as abuse, in the past and in the present. Many
women who suffer from domestic abuse are prone to selfdeprecation. Therefore, we as colleagues, friends and
The self-deprecator
family have a duty to try to understand what is going on
in someone’s life and help them through difficult times.
We’ve all been the victim of self-deprecation before. The
times when we have lost our confidence in ourselves and
used language that conveyed to others we were incapable
of doing things. Now this is okay as we quickly recognised
Dealing with the self deprecator
it or our friends, family and colleagues would ask us why
There are ways to deal with people who put themselves
we were putting ourselves down and hopefully we would
down all the time. Here are just a few things you can do:
get out of self-deprecation mode and regain our
confidence.
★ Point out to the person when they are
using self deprecating language
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★ Ask if there is anything they want to
talk about
★ Point out their strengths
★ Stop them from apologising all the time
★ Never put them down in front of people
Stopping the cycle and gaining
confidence
If you are someone who puts yourself down all the time
there are a few things you can do to try and stop the cycle
The cycle of self-doubt
and regain your self confidence
If you constantly say to yourself you can’t do something,
guess what, you won’t be able to do it. If you don’t do
things you will sink further into the ‘can’t do’ attitude and
try even less activities. The less you try to do the lower
your self esteem will become. This is a vicious circle and is
hard to break if not recognised.
★ Focus on your strengths and do more
things around them
★ Work on smaller goals which are
achievable
★ Do not compare yourself to someone
else
★ Think about your successes in life
(everyone has success stories)
★ Learn from someone you admire (Don’t
compare, just learn i.e. how do they
react in certain situations, how do they
walk, how do they talk)
★ Learn to talk positively to yourself
★ Recognise
the
demons
of
self
consciousness and stop them in their
tracks
by
talking
positively
remembering your successes
and
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★ Congratulate yourself often, even with
Other articles you might enjoy
small jobs
★ Build your confidence slowly and learn
Building self confidence - about.com
from each success
Seven powerful steps for self confidence - Simply Smart
Tips
A powerful way to change your
beliefs
Improve your self confidence in 15 minutes - Out-side the
box
How to stay confident in your decision to be a WAHM -
The way you speak to yourself internally will
Vineyar designs
literally change your beliefs about yourself. If you
10 ways to instantly build self confidence - Pick the Brain
constantly
25 killer actions to boost your self confidence - Zen habits
tell
yourself
you’re
no
good
at
something you are literally hypnotising yourself
into believing that. Don’t underestimate the
power of self talk.
Low self esteem and low self confidence can be
debilitating but you can break the habit by changing the
way you think and changing the way you speak. Stop the
self deprecating talk and start to learn more about
yourself and build on your successes.
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CHAPTER SIX - ATTRACTING THE FRIENDS YOU WANT
CHAPTER SIX
ATTRACTING THE FRIENDS
YOU WANT
would you be here if I didn’t think about you reading this
blog.
How does it work?
This is quite simple. You think about the different
attributes that you would like in a friend; honest, strong
minded, fun, attractive or whatever it is you are looking
T
O ATTRACT THE type of friends you want you
for in a true friend. You imagine them and the different
will have to know what type of friends you want
situations you would be in together and how they would
to attract, makes sense doesn’t it.
react if different situations. You imagine feeling a strong
bond with them and having a lasting friendship. Imagine
Using the principles of manifestation you can attract to
yourselves together in years to come and how your
you the type of friends you want in your life.
friendship will evolve. You imagine going to their parties,
meeting up with your future partners, going through
Although it sounds like another airy-fairy law of
difficult times with them.
attraction type of thing, I know this works as I have used
it myself and have married my best friend, my wife. I used
You don’t go looking for friendships; your friends will
to imagine what she looked like, what type of personality
come to you when the time is right.
she had, how she would react in certain situations etc I
have also attracted business relationships this way,
friendships, online acquaintances and even readers to my
Belief
blog. I know it sounds sad thinking about the type of
There is one huge condition to you attracting your friends
readers you want to read your blog, but I am a bit weird
and potential partners and that is belief. Belief that it will
that way. ‘What’s really going to bake your noodle’ is
happen when the time is right. This usually means getting
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rid of all your negative emotions such as feeling lonely,
feeling jealousy, hate, depressed; all these feelings will
hamper you in meeting your true friends or potential
partner. Why is this? When you body and mind is riddled
with negative emotions you are concentrating on yourself
and your energy field will be low and not very expansive.
When you have let go of negative emotions your energy
field will be much more expansive and far-reaching,
touching the lives of those you want to meet. Have you
ever come across someone who just radiates energy and
they seem to attract everyone around them? This will be
because they have let go of their inhibitions and their
negative emotions. These people are usually happy go
lucky people and don’t really care what other people think
about them and can take people as they are and see they
positives in everyone. Don’t get me wrong you still get the
people who attract everyone else around them due to their
self confidence and yes they may be nasty or unkind but
this type of person usually breaks down later on in their
Does this sound like a lot of rubbish?
Of course it does, because for most of us we simply can’t
believe in a world that is interconnected and we are all at
this very moment touching each other’s energy. If you
don’t believe it can work it won’t work. For some, like me,
it took years to start believing in the power of thoughts
and manifestation, but it has changed my life in
immeasurable ways and I can only pass on what I believe.
If you believe it’s a pile of cow dung, that’s great I respect
your opinion. However, I would urge you to try it for a
week or two and really try to believe in it before
dismissing it.
Other articles you may enjoy
Can attraction principles work to build your business? Street smarts
lives due to the masking of their negative feelings and
Law of attraction carnival: Relationships and the law of
attraction - Evolving Times
emotions.
Improving relationships - the Ordinary Mystic
Can you save your relationships with the law of attraction
- Today is that day
How to attract and create a happier love relationship Very happy human
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CHAPTER SEVEN - BE YOURSELF
CHAPTER SEVEN
BE YOURSELF
I
F YOU’VE READ all this book so far you will
have a strategy for getting to know yourself and
getting to know others. Now I want you to take all
that knowledge, roll it into a little ball and then I want you
to be yourself.
What does be yourself mean?
know that what others think about you does not matter,
and you will save so much time in your life by not
worrying about what others are thinking about you.
We have all met these types of people before and they are
instantly recognisable. They have a quiet confidence
about them, they are not brash, not ‘in your face’
confident, not loud, just confident within themselves, not
afraid to speak up and not afraid to voice their opinion
when needed. That’s what being yourself means.
It’s a shame, but most people do not become confident
within themselves until later on in life. That comes with
all the realisations in life and that it really doesn’t matter
How many times have you heard someone say ‘Just be
yourself’. You’re going for an interview and someone gives
the sage advice ‘you’ll be great, just be yourself’ , after
you’ve picked them up off the floor and apologised for
smacking them in the mouth, you ask yourself ‘what does
that mean?’
what others do, say or think.
How to be yourself
Unfortunately you can’t learn to be yourself by reading
this article but I can give you hints on developing yourself
Being yourself means you are comfortable with who you
are and you are confident enough to realise that not
everyone will have the same opinion of you. You will not
be at the stage of trying to impress everyone all of the
time and you’ll know this is impossible anyway. You’ll
enough to really be yourself.
1. Know the person you want to be – List all the
qualities that you really admire in people and
develop those skills within yourself.
23
A
2. Be quiet for one whole day – For one whole
day try and not to breathe a word to anybody. If
wear them, and hold your head high. This all helps
to assert your individuality.
you are on the phone all day this will be difficult
but try not to speak to your colleagues. Watch how
5. Like yourself – It might sound a strange thing to
others are interacting with each other; watch how
say but I love my own company. I could spend days
they react to you being quiet. You might feel
just being by myself and not be bored. I have
uncomfortable at first but you will soon develop a
developed
silent confidence that it is you who is in control of
comfortable with your own company how do you
you, and not others who are controlling you. This is
expect others to be comfortable with you? If you
a powerful exercise and it’s hard to describe here
can, spend a few days alone and you will really
but I would urge you to try it.
learn a lot about yourself. I don’t mean sit and
this
over
time.
If
you
are
not
watch TV for 2 days, I mean go out shopping, go to
3. Be honest – I mentioned this in part 3 of this
a restaurant, go to the cinema, read a book.
series. Honesty is a powerful tool, yet it is not used
enough. Be honest with yourself, really honest and
6. Never gossip – If you’re a gossip, stop it right
you will learn a lot about yourself. Be honest with
now. You are giving your power and energy away
others and you will learn even more about yourself
by gossiping about other people, no matter how
and others.
much people listen to you when you have juicy
gossip.
4. Dress the way you want to dress – ‘It’s not the
clothes that wear the person it’s the person that
7. Create a set of principles and values – This is
wears the clothes’ If you like a particular style of
another powerful tool to learn. Think about a set of
clothing but have never had the courage to wear it,
principles and values you would like to live by and
next time you are out, buy the clothes you like,
start living them, e.g.
24
A
★ Never gossip
★ Always be honest but tactful
★ Family comes first
★ Always be on time
★ Be trustworthy
★ Be faithful
★ Hard working
These are obviously just a few and I am sure you have
your own principles and values. However, a lot of people
don’t know what principles and values they live by. So it is
good to look at the type of life you wish to lead, look at the
core values and develop your life around these.
If you have read all of this eBook you will notice a
common thread throughout and that is know yourself and
be comfortable with who you are. Until you really get to
know yourself and know how you want to live your life,
making friends might be difficult or you may make bad
choices.
25

Change Your Thoughts How to Make True Friends A

Transcription

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