TopTenPDF

THE
LIST
Nigel Mansell
In his prime, Mansell was fast and popular, although
handicapped by the personality of an old dog left out
in the rain. He left F1 in 1993 for IndyCar, only to
return chubbier in 1994. By 1995, getting Mansell into
his McLaren was harder than putting a sofa in the
oven and two races in, he gave it up for good.
Ian Baker-Finch
After winning the 1991 British Open, his brain did
the mental equivalent of running into a dark room
and lying under the bed whimpering, “Mummy
give cuddle.” His game fell apart under any stress,
culminating in a 92 at the 1997 British Open and
instant retirement. Four years on he returned at the
MasterCard Colonial, missed the cut and quit for good.
Evander Holyfield
Pig-headed warrior who could fill out this list
practically on his own. With slurred speech, no
reflexes, millions in the bank and a career that
started in the age of disco, Holyfield’s boxing career
continues, despite the pleas of fans and trainers. At
47, he will soon fight blundering Russian mountain
Nikolai Valuev for some meaningless alphabet belt.
Mark Spitz
Ben Johnson
If stupid was a drug, Johnson would have won Olympic
gold in six seconds flat. After getting the sack for turning
up to the 1988 Seoul Games as a snorting, yellow-eyed
cannonball with tiny testicles, he was busted again in
1993 and yet again in 1999, not long after a meet in
which he ran an 11-second 100m. Among other
interesting career choices, he later surfaced as Diego
Maradona’s trainer. The mind boggles.
In 1972, Mark Spitz was a God: a big-moustached,
hairy chested, gold-medalled American icon – Burt
Reynolds in smugglers. Come 1992, Reynolds was
thinking Cop And A Half might be a good idea,
while Spitz was a 42-year-old embarrassing his kids,
puffing up and down a pool two seconds slower
than the time needed to make the Barcelona Games.
Tony Lockett
Brownlow Medal-winning, record goal-scoring,
weeping virgins at his feet-falling, giant full forward
Lockett quit AFL in 1999. After a couple of years
breeding greyhounds, he lumbered back into the
game, now a gloomy, bald Bigfoot with chronic
injury and a broken goal-radar. Two games, three
goals and a few bad TV ads later, he was gone again.
Diego Maradona
Maradona copped a 15-month holiday for coke abuse
in 1991, and by his 1994 return to the international
stage it was clear the ageing genius was still
running on more than talent and Gatorade. During
Argentina’s second World Cup match, his scary,
vein-popping goal celebration at a TV camera
looked like the Hulk yelling into a bucket. He later
produced the inevitable drug-packed urine sample.
Michael Jordan
He looked like Jordan. He was certainly as rich as
Jordan. The trouble was he was in a Washington
Wizards uniform and his game looked like Mr Magoo
in traffic. This was not in the script. If his career
before 1999 was the equivalent of the first two
Godfather movies, buying into the no-hope Wizards
in 2001 was D3: The Mighty Ducks.
Bjorn Borg
The grand slam Pac-Man
of the mid-1970s, Borg’s
perfect life took a sharp
right into Meltdown City
following early retirement
in 1982. He ticked failed
relationships, drug
overdose, attempted
suicide and an illegitimate
child off the list, then got
his old wooden Donnay
out and was lambasted
by journeymen, before
opting for the seniors tour.
Dennis Lillee
With a back pieced together so many times it
looked like Nanna’s old gravy boat, Lillee retired
from cricket in 1984 to take up full-time legend
status. Thus, a snoozing Bellerive Oval crowd was
startled to see him charging in for Tassie three years
on. He tore his ankle ligaments and that was that.
Who else would have been happier at home? Tell
us by emailing alpha@newsmagazines.com.au
PHOTOGRAPHY: REUTERS/PICTURE MEDIA (JOHNSON); RONALD C. MODRA/SPORTS ILLUSTRATED/GETTY IMAGES (BUSTED); DANIEL GARCIA/AFP/GETTY IMAGES (MARADONA); MICHAEL DODGE (LOCKETT); CHRIS BACON/PA PHOTOS (BAKER-FINCH); DON MORLEY/EMPICS
SPORT/PA PHOTOS (SPITZ); REUTERS/PICTURE MEDIA (JORDAN); STEVE ETHERINGTON/EMPICS SPORT/PA PHOTOS (MANSELL); SIMON BRUTY/GETTY IMAGES (BORG); GRIGORY DUKOR/PICTURE MEDIA (HOLYFIELD); ADRIAN MURRELL/ALLSPORT/GETTY IMAGES (LILLEE).
10
Comebacks That Should
Never Have Happened
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