Issue14 - John Abbott College

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bandersnatch
Hijacking cafeteria tarys since 1971
Volume XXXIII
Issue 14
The
Bandersnatch
team (or most
of it) after a
tough semester.
Hey, where was Anton when we
took pictures?!
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SUJAC Update ........................ 3
Campus Life ............................ 5
Opinion ................................... 8
Slanderbatch .......................... 9
Entertainment ........................ 13
Arts ......................................... 17
Games .................................... 20
Sports ...................................... 21
Scoreboard ............................. 23
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2004-04-21
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With your Editor-in-Chief Jeffrey Katz
I have to say, it’s been a pain-inthe-ass semester, with school work
and Bander both fighting for equal priority in our schedules. We sweated,
we screamed, we swore - a lot - , we
cried, we occasionally cracked one
another over the head. In the end,
looking back at all the fuss, we did a
good job. Maybe not too modest, but
true.
This is one of the most trying times
for the Bander office, as many of our
long-standing, hard-working Execs
and other staff are moving on. Some
to University, some to their future
careers, and of course many to the
Antartic. They will be remembered for
a long time to come - well, until they
are replaced - and their work here is
forever honored, and will be recycled
according to Government regulations.
are..... well, all of them. So whether
you want to run for Ed-In-Chief, or
Ads Manager, come to the meeting.
put a bit of effort on it, and we are hoping you will laugh as much reading it
as we did writing it.
This issue is a big one, with a special insert, and enough content to entertain and inform you for a long
while. We bedazzle! We shock! We instill fear! We are THE Bandersnatch.
(This paragraph is a perfect excuse
why you should run for Ed-In-Chief,
or another position; you can write
useless and corny paragraphs just like
it!)
To send you off, I have decided to
publish a list of what the world has
decided to call “Bushisms”. The man
that started all, the President of the
United States of America has become
a very multi-talented individual. Besides running a country, coercing the
world, and generally making this a
better place to live in, he also has a
talent for comical statements. Here is
just a sampling:
Also, even though this is the very
last issue of this year, we will still be
accepting articles, pictures, drawings,
and pretty much anything you would
like to submit. It will give us something to publish the first few, boring
weeks of school next year.
With Springfest and the end of
school arriving within a few weeks, I
expect your profs will be cramming
60% or more of their grading very
soon, so give ‘em hell!
So, since we will be running short
for positions as of next semester damn graduates - we will be holding
Open Elections next Tuesday at 17h30
in H 033A. The current open positions
Have a great summer, and we all
hope you enjoy our traditional endof-semester insert, Slanderbatch. We
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BANDERSNATCH
John Abbott College
P.O. Box 2000
Sainte-Anne-de-Bellevue, QC
H9X 3L9
School Should Have Ended Already...
The very last issue of the semester, of the year. Finally.
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Tel: (514) 457-6610 Ext 5389
Fax: (514) 457-6091
E-Mail:
bandersnatch@johnabbott.qc.ca
Office: H-041
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Editor-in-Chief
Jeffrey Katz
News Editor
Ann-Margaret Porcelli
Campus Life Editor
Rob Briza
“Security is the essential roadblock to achieving the road map to
peace.”—Washington, D.C., July 25,
2003
Opinion Editor
Marc Nakhleh
Entertainment Editor
Karen Gelsthorpe
“Do you have blacks, too?”—To
Brazilian
President
Fernando
Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8,
2001
Sports Editor
Naila Jinnah
“They misunderestimated me.”
Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000
Arts Editor
Chris Deslauriers
“It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot
of numbers in it.” -Reuters, May 5,
2000
Assistant Editor-in-Chief
Benjamin Wald
Office Manager
Christine Nadeau
News Editor's Note
Production Manager
Sarah Jade Aubé
with editor Ann-Margaret Porcelli
Advertising Manager
Anton Iancu
in the library of a local Jewish elementary school. I encourage you
all to read the story of how the
community is handling this act of
violence against the Jewish community in our own city. Unfortunately acts of violence are happening in many parts of the world.
There are many innocent people
dying in Iraq. I recommend that
you read the amazing article on
how a Laval journalist spent his
days in captivity and how he is recovering from his terrible ordeal.
Osama Bin Laden has extended
some form of peace offering to all
European states.
World leaders
are now discussing whether or not
to reject the message of having
their troops return home or to continue their work in the Middle East.
Another semester has come
to an end. As I sit writing my last
editors note for the winter 2004
academic year, I can’t help but reflect over the stories that have
bombarded the news during the
past four months. Although there
is controversy and stress amongst
leaders and individuals over the
US led War on terror as well as the
upcoming elections in Canada and
the United States, there are positive situations in the world. An
inspiring event occurred early in
the semester when John Abbott
students and the West Island community came together to raise
money for Anthony. Anthony’s
only chance of survival is to have
a complex surgery that can only be
performed in the Texas. Let’s not
forget our loony line ending last
semester to help students in need.
John Abbott’s newest project, by
SUJAC, to adopt a child in a third
world country has been holding
bake sales for this great humanitarian cause.
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Foreign Languages Editor
Open
Games Page Editor
Jeffrey Katz
Photographic Coordinator
Zili Wang
Webmasters
Ryan Bruyère
David Newman
That’s it for the news this
week. Good Luck on your final
exams and have a great and safe
summer holiday. I am looking forward to seeing you next August.
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bandersnatch
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Bandersnatch is the student-run Alternative Press
at John Abbott College. It is published every two weeks
and is partially funded by the Student Activities
Commitee and by advertising solicited members. Submissions are welcome in traditionally either English
or French and become property of the newspaper. Submissions must be on an IBM compatible diskette along
with a printed hard copy and MUST be in Text Format
(*.txt) or RichText Format (*.RTF). All submissions must
include the full name and telephone number of the contributor, as well as the e-mail address if applicable. The
staff reserves the right to reject or edit any submissions for length, legality, or clarity. Letters to Bandersnatch should be a maximum of 500 words but may see
print nonetheless if they are longer but worthwhile.
Neither spelling nor grammar will be corrected on letters to the editors, it is the responsibility of the contributor to correct them.
Submissions and letters should be dropped off at the
Bandersnatch office, located in the basement of
Herzberg, H-041 (across from the Hallway entrance of
the oval).
Only a few short weeks left of
this semester, and I can sense the
excitement coming from those
graduating in June. Or perhaps it’s
a great feeling and thought on my
part that I have survived my first
year of CEJEP. However I will focus on those graduating this year.
Once again for many students this
Just a couple of weeks
ago there was a bomb that went off
2
Temporary Archive Editor
Katherine Martin
journey of CEJEP is ending soon
and you will all be ready to embark
on a new and exciting journey.
Many are probably experiencing
mix feeling which is quite normal.
Regardless of the path you take remember there isn’t anything you
can’t accomplish with determination and motivation. Follow your
dreams and make them happen. I
would like to congratulate you all
and good luck in your future
endeavors. You will all be missed.
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Bush
Rarely
Briefed
On9/11
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person Yves Surprenant called it the
most deplorable thing he had seen
in his 24 years with the force. The
head of the school denounced it as
“An act of terrorism, pure and simple.” Prime Minister Paul Martin said
the firebombing was an “attack on
freedom.” Setting fire to “a place of
learning, where young children
gather is an offense against all that
Canadians cherish,” the Prime Minister added.
This fire was motivated by
anti-Semitism, and was intended as
a warning. Anti-Semitic notes were
taped to the school walls. There was
a two-page note found near the destroyed library, left by the terrorists. It attributed the attack to the
Israeli killing of Yassin, the terrorist founder of Hamas. The letter
stated that this was a warning, not
intended to kill anyone. However,
they also stated that if Israel continues its “crimes”, the group will perpetrate further attacks in Montreal.
This attack seems to be a part
of a rising trend of anti-Semitism in
Canada. B’nai Brith Canada reported
an increase in anti-Semitic incidents
in Canada in 2003. There have been
almost 600 cases of violence, harassment and vandalism against
Jews, and over 100 in Quebec alone.
Three Toronto teenagers were
charged after several vandals toppled headstones at a Jewish cemetery and spray-painted anti-Semitic slogans on a synagogue. In a
separate incident, a 46-year-old
man was arrested for vandalizing
constraction boarding in Toronto
with messages that equated the start
of David with the swastika.
The attack has been universally condemned. The police spokes-
Mayor Gerald Tremblay has
promised increased security for all
It is the time of the year again
where the SUJAC Executives can
see the final results of more than
two semesters of training, disciplining and mindless programming
(okay maybe not that) of our beloved Congress members. Now, in
the spring, they are all grown up
and ready to take over the roles of
President, VP Internal, VP Academic, VP Finance and VP External for next year. The SUJAC Executive Elections are going to be
held on April 26 at 5:30 in the
Agora. Only Congress members
can vote, but if anybody is curious, visitors are more than welcomed.
In other news, SUJAC is also
sponsoring a child and need all
your help. The World Vision SUJAC
Child is looking for donations so
please help us out. There will also
be a pancake sale the 27 th of April.
Yes, you heard right! PANCAKES.
It starts off at 8:00 in the morning
for all you early birds and grumpy
caffeine-induced students. Everybody loves pancakes so drop by
and satisfy your taste buds for a
good cause!
Mr. Tenet claimed the accusations made by the commission were
“flat wrong”, while the agency admitted the need to overhaul the CIA; Mr.
Tenet also pointed out the loss of 25%
of its personnel in the 1990s, the fact
that new analysts are not hired, as well
as the chaos of training involving officers who work overseas.
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Jewish places of worship
and institutions during the Jewish
holiday season. The school itself has
increased its security measures as
well.
The Montreal police have yet to
name any suspects in this crime, and
the school will be reopening on April
16. Justice Minister Irwin Contler
has promised that this crime will be
punished. “[Canada] will not be silent and we will not be intimated and
we will act and we will bring the full
force of law to bear against those
who would commit these cowardly
acts of racist, hate crimes,” he said.
SUJAC Update
The interim report by the Commission, issued April 14, showed a failure to follow up on the arrest of Mr.
Mouassaoui, a French-born Islamic
extremist and a confirmed al-Qaeda
member – the arrest also revealed the
training of Islamic extremists to fly.
The report came in August, and no
warning was issued. The report also
disclosed that for many years the CIA
had, intelligence reports suggesting
that the al-Qaeda might hijack passenger planes to use as missiles. There
was a 1996 warning of a terrorist plot
to fly an explosives-laden plane into a
US city, a 1996 warning of Iranians
planning to hijack a Japanese plane
and crash it into Tel Aviv, and a 1995
warning of terrorists intending to fly
a plane into the CIA headquarters.
There was also knowledge of a plan by
an Algerian terrorist group to fly a
plane into the Eiffel Tower in 1994 .
This plan failed because none of the
terrorists had the knowledge needed
to fly.
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Early Monday morning, April
5, an event occurred that had Montreal mayor Gerald Tremblay saying
he was ashamed to be the mayor of
Montreal. The Talmud Torah Jewish
school library was the target of a vicious hate crime. A window was broken and an accelerator used to start
a fire that gutted the library. Of the
ten thousand books stored in the library, both religious and entertainment oriented, only twenty-five survived the fire.
Recent investigation have
yielded an admission by Tenet that he
had had little communication with
President George W. Bush in the summer of 2001 – a period when intelligence agencies were being warned of
an impending terrorist threat. In fact,
Mr. Tenet had admitted that he had
not spoken to George Bush once during all of August 2001, when questioned by Commission member Tim
Roemer. The agency would later
phone reporters to correct Mr. Tenet’s testimony, saying they did meet
twice in August, after all.
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Benjamin Wald
Assistant Editor - in - Chief
When George Tenet, head of the
CIA, was presented with an August
2001 briefing labeled “Islamic Extremist Learns to Fly”, George Bush
was at his Texas ranch, on a monthlong vacation. The briefing was a follow-up on the arrest of one Zacarias
Moussaoui just days earlier and was
just one of a series of damning evidence that the States had failed to act
on, according to the Sept.11 Commission.
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Jewish School Bombing
Zili Wang
Photographic Coordinator
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With the end of the year com○
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ing, perhaps it is a good
time to think back and appreciate all the merry experiences and people that
have been part of your life
for the past year. Want to
thank a teacher for the
great class he or she has
taught? Drop by SUJAC Office and pick up a Teacher
Appreciation card and
spread the love. Fill them
out and bring them back to
the SUJAC Office and we’ll
handle the rest.
Another way to show
your appreciation is to
nominate a teacher for the SUJAC
Award. This award is given to a
teacher that has contributed substantially to student life other than
in the field of Academics. We don’t
know all of faculty and all that they
have achieved, so suggestion are
more than welcomed.
is a
chance for panicking parents to ask
much needed questions like “How
is my baby boy/girl going to survive in CEGEP?” (ok… maybe not
that bad). Obviously those working that night will do the best to in
fact a wonderful school.
Anyway, that’s all for now.
Best of luck to all you students in
your exams and enjoy the last few
weeks of school!
Parent’s night is also coming on
the
26th May. For those of you
who do not know what Parent’s
Night is, imagine your Orientation
minus the adorable little video
presentation and the hot dogs. It
2004-04-21
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Osama Bin Laden's Peace Offering
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did not take control of the coalition
in Iraq, Spain would remove its 1300
troops from Iraq by June 30th. This
news led to discussions amongst
leaders with regards to the withdrawal of Spanish troops. It also
raised the question: would such a
move promote further terrorist attacks against countries that support
the War on Terrorism? Al Qa’ida and
other affiliated groups may consider
themselves successful with their
threatening attacks, and also obtaining power over the political decisions of voters, as a result of having
leaders that support the War against
Terrorist voted out of power.
Ann-Margaret Porcelli
News Editor
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A month ago Spain suffered one
of its largest terrorist attacks, which
lead to the death of approximately
two hundred individuals. The attack
occurred three days prior to Spain’s
national elections, and some experts
believe the bombings had a direct
impact on the election results.
Ninety percent of the Spanish population was opposed to the Prime Minister Jose Maria Aznar’s support for
the US war against Iraq. The attacks
enabled socialist Prime Minister
Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero to gain
public support which lead to his victory in
t h i s
year’s
election.
T h e
Monday
a f t e r
Spain’s
E l e c tion, the
Prime
Minister
a n nounced that if the United Nations
The fear that has arisen amongst
world leaders on whether the withdrawal of Spanish troops would have
implications on the safety of individual’s worldwide has now become
a reality. On Wednesday April 14, a
tape of Osama Bin Laden was aired
on Arab television, offering a truce
to European states, yet not to the
United States. On Thursday, CIA officials viewed and evaluated the audio tape announcing that the speaker
was most-likely Bin Laden, however;
one can never be one hundred percent certain.
Le Mercaz
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zation
is
being rewarded for
the
good
work that it
does, “it is
truly amazing
that
when
we
make an appeal
for
funds, our
donors respond
in
very tangible ways, we are so grateful as we
are now able to fulfill the needs of
our many clients”, Lisbona said.
Le Mercaz
Press Release
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On Thursday, March 18 th , thousands of Montrealers participated
in the 1 st Annual Le Mercaz “Wear
& Share Day” by wearing yellow
ribbons at work and at school. The
purpose of the event was to raise
awareness of the plight of thousands of people in the Montreal
community who rely on the services provided by the organization.
Thanks to the generosity of thousands of individuals at dozens of
workplaces and schools around the
city, Le Mercaz was able to raise
over $8,000 to help combat hunger. In excess of $6,000 was
raised during Le Mercaz’s recent
Purim Campaign.
Le Mercaz is a food and
clothing bank located on Decarie
Boulevard in Snowdon. It has been
servicing low-income families and
those in need, since 1993 and it
relies primarily on donations from
individuals and organizations. In
fiscal 2003, over 2,000 families
received assistance from its food
bank.
“We didn’t expect the response to be this overwhelming”,
said Le Mercaz Special Events Coordinator, Shari Feigenbaum,
“People really came out and responded to our call, I have no
doubt that this will become an annual
even.”
Next
year,
Feigenbaum hopes to bring in
more corporate participants.
To find out more about how
you can help, please call Le
Mercaz at 344-8845 or visit our
website at www.lemercaz.com
Le Mercaz Chairman, David
Lisbona, believes that the organi-
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The message brought to European leaders was that they would be
given a three month deadline, starting April 15 2004, to remove troops
and to stop attacking Muslims. Bin
Laden also made references to the
attacks on the United States on September 11 2001 as well the Madrid
commuter train bombings that occurred on March 11 2004. These references are messages to the Allies
of the United States. As stated by
Scott McClellan a White House
spokesman it is “a clear reminder we
are still at war.” From the taped conversation there was a threat of revenge against the United States for
the death of Sheikh Ahmed Yassin,
the Hamas founder who was killed
March 22, 2004.
This offer is meant to create division between the United States and
its allies by playing on the fear of the
public. Bin Laden conveyed an offer
of hope that there would be a reward
for countries that would comply
with Al Qaeda’s demands, encouraging voters to vote out leaders that
did not act on his demands.
After viewing the tape, Romano
Prodi, European Commission president said “there could be no negotiating under a terrorist threat.” Italian Foreign Minister Franco Frattini
said, “It is completely unthinkable
that we could start negotiations with
Bin Laden.” The peace branch extended to Europe from Bin Laden
was also rejected by British Prime
Minister Tony Blair and Leaders
from France and Germany.
As individuals wait patiently for
the next three months one can only
imagine the threat that lingers over
the heads of those who do not step
down but rise to defeat the threat
and uphold the freedom that was
fought for only too recently.
CGX Completes
Non-Brokered
Placement
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riod that expires
August 2,2004.
The units were
purchased
by
Sprott
Asset
Management on
behalf of various
funds that it manages. CGX Energy’s issued capital
consists of 62,715,595 common
shares and 74,293,663 common
shares on a fully-diluted basis.
CGX Enery Inc.
Press Release
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Toronto, Ontario – (CCNMatthews
– Apr 6,2004) – CGX Energy Inc.
(OYL.U –TSX-V) has completed the
non-broker private placement of
4,100,000 Units at a price of
US$0.73 per Unit for aggregate gross
proceeds of US$2,993,000 to Sprott
Asset Management. The private placement was originally announced on
March 26,2004. Each Unit consists
of one (1) common share and one-half
(1/2) common share purchase warrant. Each whole common share purchase warrant is exercisable into one
(1) common share at a price of
US$1.10 until October 3,2005. The
Units and the underlying common
shares issuable on exercise of the
c o m m o n
share
p u r chase
w a r rants
are subject to a
hold pe-
bandersnatch
CGX Energy Inc. (TSX-VOYL.U) is a Canadian-based oil and gas
Exploration Company focused on the
exploration for oil in the Guyana basin and is actively looking at other international opportunities. CGX is
managed by a team of experienced oil
and gas and finance professionals
from Canada, U.S.A. and the UK. CGX
is financed internationally and have
over 5,000 shareholders worldwide.
For further information please contact: Kerry Sully, President &CEO at
(604) 733-9647, Charlotte May, Investor Relations at (416) 364-5569
or Denis Clement, Director at (416)
364-1909 or visit our website at
www.cgxenergy.com.
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campus life
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Campus Life
with your editor Robert J. Briza
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My First Year At John Abbott
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tinuing Education, where I had only
two classes; Trigonometry and Algebra with Daniel Erban, and Thinking,
Logic and Knowledge with Maria
Mamfredis. The weekly routine I had
to follow was very difficult and tiring.
I had to survive on only 4 hours of
sleep per night. The only time I had
off was Thursday night
after 2pm and Sunday
after 3am. My days
would start at 6am and
usually end at midnight. Finally, one
night during my short
break from my fourhour humanities class,
I found my friend Ben. He brought me
down to the Production room, because it was Bandersnatch production
night. Human contact...the final frontier. I wrote an article about the intelligence in the WWE and it got published in the Opinions section. I did
not make the best first impression on
the Bandersnatch crew...uh...yeah. I
made friends at night school: Christina
and Matt were like a new clique I sud-
Robert J. Briza
Campus Life Editor
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So the 2003-2004 school year is
coming to a close, but this first year
Abbott student has only a story to offer. No advice for the next generation,
just some musing in this section of
Bandersnatch. Because of some...shall
we say, registration problems...I
could not start as a full time day student here at John Abbott. In August,
I started the night shift at Réno Depôt
on Friday and Saturday nights, from
9pm to 6 am, on Friday, and 5:30pm
to 2:30am on Saturday. I worked
there for an entire week at first to get
used to the night shift. Unfortunately,
I was unprepared for the undesirable
effects. The next week, I was tired during the day, but I thought that if I kept
myself awake I would be able to sleep
at night: it did not work out that way.
Finally, I started again at the Saint Cinnamon in Kirkland. I would work from
7am to 2pm, Monday to Friday. My
first semester at Abbott was in Con-
Earth Day
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natural products from the Health Tree
will be compared with regular products. There will be many different brochures and pamphlets as well as posters on display that you can read to
inform yourself of the current issues
that we must face. Be sure to check
out the videos that will be shown
throughout the day and to drop your
change or any donation of your capability to help save Luna the whale.
Come treat your taste buds to a vegan
lunch and wash it down with a
smoothie. As well, fair trade coffee
will be available throughout the day
for FREE! Finish the day off by participating in an afternoon paddle and
weed walk by meeting at 5:00 in room
C0079.
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It’s that time of year again when
the students of John Abbott College
start migrating from the school’s basement hallways to the stairs outside
and grass spaces of the campus. Spring
is finally here! And what better way to
welcome this beautiful weather than
to celebrate Earth Day.
On April 21st, in the Agora, the
environmental club (HEAL-Helping
Environmental Awareness Learning)
along with the help of several teachers, have organized for you the chance
to educate yourself about the things
that you can do to reduce your “ecological footprint” on this planet.
By participating in Earth Day we
can guarantee that you will come
away with at least one thing, whether
big or small, that you can change
about yourself or your lifestyle to contribute positively to our Earth. So stop
by and don’t hesitate to ask any questions! You’ve got nothing to lose and
knowledge and power to gain!
~HEAL(FYI: Earth Day is celebrated
worldwide on April 22nd, but due to
conflicting booking times of the
Agora, here at Abbott we will be celebrating on the 21st!).
Throughout the day you can stop
by the Agora to find out information
about many environmental issues.
Rebecca
Aldsworth,
a
Newfoundlander, will speak of about
the Seal Hunt in P204 from 1:00-2:30
and Mike Gagné will speak in the Agora
at 11:30. Representatives from Mountain Equipment Co-op will be here to
speak of their philosophy and their
Green Building in Montreal. The Urban Ecology Centre will be promoting
their Green Ribbon Campaign and
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to the Bandersnatch office, wanting to
join them. I originally wanted to run
for my current position, Campus Life
Editor, but at the time the position
was filled. Likewise, because of work,
I had to miss the meetings for nominations as well as elections. I would
have to say the best part of Abbott is
the fact that there is a Dagwoods...
Wasn't that the random tidbit. After
about two months, the Campus Life
Editor quit and the position was reopened, so I decided to run. I was nominated, but due to a series of events,
the actual elections only occured a
couple of weeks later. And finally I
was voted in as Campus Life Editor.
Andrew Cote, former Editor in Chief,
along with a lot of help from the rest
of the Bandersnatch staff, taught me
how to use Adobe Pagemaker that was
used in the production of
Bandersnatch. Saint Cinnamon's was
then sold again, so I quit and found a
job at The Colisseum in Kirkland. My
old boss is opening up a new restaurant and will give me a job there. My
First Year.
Religion
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Krista McNally
Contributor
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denly stumbled upon. Three months
after starting at Réno Depôt, I was “let
go”. I did not finish their 480-hour
probation period, and so I was fired.
They told me “You do not meet our
standards.” The good news was that I
had my weekends back. At Saint Cinnamon, I had a whole other place to
excel in. Every day, my
boss would tell me that he
thanked God that he
found me. I was the baker
there. According to my
boss, we were taking customers away from the
Fairview Saint Cinnamon's, and we were prospering. But tragedy struck us when the
Saint Cinnamon was sold. The new
owner, whom I trained in the art of
the Saint Cinnamon baking put the
bare minimum of ingredients in the
buns, either under or overcooked the
buns and never made muffins. By this
time, I had finished night school and
was looking forward to starting my
first full time semester at John Abbott
Social Science. On my first day I went
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and a cry for morality, and all ultimately lead to unity or peace within a
superior spirit of some kind. So how
is it that with all these similarities, we
have spent the last six hundred years
or so destroying each other over the
idea that one religion is better than
the others? The very course of action
we take against others and each other
on a daily basis, based solely on our
religious beliefs, not our principles,
violates the very basis of our communal Faith in goodness and justice, not
as a faith community, but as living
beings. Saying your "Our Father"’s or
going to the synagogue or mosque will
not justify us yelling at our children
without reason, desecrating human
rights or forcing our will onto other
people. The truth is that if we all focused on our faith rather than
nitpicking at every single excuse for
superiority we can find!
Christine Nadeau
Office Manager
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There has been an endless conflict
since the dawn of organized religion
between the great faiths of the world.
Yet still we fail to notice that if everyone in fact practiced their faith, we
would not be suffering these religionborn wars. And perhaps the greatest
obstacle is that we have yet to even
renew the separation between religion and faith itself: since when does
this or that church’s rules stand above
the basic principles of human rights
and freedom? How did Ten Commandments from God turn into 613 manmade rules? And how did the holy
scripture of God lead to orders of war
and cultural havoc amongst its followers? The Christian New Testament
teaches us to love one another, unconditionally and forgivingly; the
Holy Qu’ran teaches servitude to Allah, the only God, with the right to defend one’s home and family; finally the
Torah (The Old Testament) emphasizes the importance of obedience to,
and fear of, God. On a farther offshoot,
Hinduism holds the strong belief in
second chances (reincarnation) that
resemble the purgatory of Catholicism or the hell of Islam. All these religions begin with a belief in goodness
2004-04-21
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And in scripture(which, by the
way, is sacrilegious in the most fundamental manner), we might just have
a chance at this famed salvation that
every religion proclaims, be it nirvana, heaven or just plain eternal rest.
You want to be holy and live out your
faith? Start by being a good human,
and then aim for holiness. And get
going we need both.
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5
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campus life
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confused between the body and the
soul. Then I realized that the body
and soul are not apart and you don’t
have to go to the mountain to be
religious. We must follow the will of
God. Then we can rise higher than
the angels. The first thing I wanted to
do now was to be a Muslim.
(continued from last issue)
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I also wrote another song, “The Way
to Find God Out.” I became even
more famous in the world of music. I
really had a difficult time because I
was getting rich and famous, and at
the same time, I was sincerely
searching for the Truth. Then I came
to a stage where I decided that
Buddhism is all right and noble, but I
was not ready to leave the world. I
was too attached to the world and
was not prepared to become a monk
and to isolate myself from society.
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IN HOSPITAL
After a year of financial success and
‘high’ living, I became very ill,
contracted TB and had to be
hospitalized. It was then that I started
to think: What was to happen to me?
Was I just a body, and my goal in life
was merely to satisfy this body? I
realized now that this calamity was a
blessing given to me by Allah, a
chance to open my eyes - “Why am I
here? Why am I in bed?” - and I
started looking for some of the
answers. At that time there was great
interest in the Eastern mysticism. I
began reading, and the first thing I
began to become aware of was
death, and that the soul moves on; it
does not stop. I felt I was taking the
road to bliss and high
accomplishment. I started meditating
and even became a vegetarian. I now
believed in ‘peace and flower power,’
and this was the general trend. But
what I did believe in particular was
that I was not just a body. This
awareness came to me at the hospital.
I tried Zen and Ching,
numerology, tarot
cards and astrology. I
tried to look back into
the Bible and could not
find anything. At this
time I did not know
anything about Islam,
and then, what I
regarded as a miracle
occurred. My brother
had visited the mosque
in Jerusalem and was
greatly impressed that
while on the one hand
it throbbed with life (unlike the
churches and synagogues which were
empty), on the other hand, an
atmosphere of peace and tranquillity
prevailed.
One day when I was walking and I
was caught in the rain, I began running
to the shelter and then I realized,
‘Wait a minute, my body is getting
wet, my body is telling me I am
getting wet.’ This made me think of a
saying that the body is like a donkey,
and it has to be trained where it has to
go. Otherwise, the donkey will lead
you where it wants to go.
THE QUR’AN
When he came to London he brought
back a translation of the Qur’an,
which he gave to me. He did not
become a Muslim, but he felt
something in this religion, and thought
I might find something in it also.
Then I realized I had a will, a Godgiven gift: follow the will of God. I
was fascinated by the new
terminology I was learning in the
Eastern religion. By now I was fed
up with Christianity. I started making
music again and this time I started
reflecting my own thoughts. I
remember the lyric of one of my
songs. It goes like this: “I wish I
knew, I wish I knew what makes the
Heaven, what makes the Hell. Do I
get to know You in my bed or some
dusty cell while others reach the big
hotel?” and I knew I was on the Path.
6
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And when I received the book, a
guidance that would explain
everything to me - who I was; what
was the purpose of life; what was the
reality and what would be the reality;
and where I came from - I realized
that this was the true religion; religion
not in the sense the West understands
it, not the type for only your old age.
In the West, whoever wishes to
embrace a religion and make it his
only way of life is deemed a fanatic. I
was not a fanatic, I was at first
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“Those who believe do not take
disbelievers for friends and the
believers are brothers.” Thus at this
point I wished to meet my Muslim
brothers.
CONVERSION
Then I decided to journey to
Jerusalem (as my brother had done).
At Jerusalem, I went to the mosque
and sat down. A man asked me what
I wanted. I told him I was a Muslim.
He asked what was my name. I told
him, “Stevens.” He was confused. I
then joined the prayer, though not so
successfully. Back in London, I met a
sister called Nafisa. I told her I
wanted to embrace Islam and she
directed me to the New Regent
Mosque. This was in 1977, about
one and a half years after I received
the Qur’an. Now I realized that I
must get rid of my pride, get rid of
Iblis, and face one direction. So on a
Friday, after Jumma’ I went to the
Imam and declared my faith (the
Kalima) at this hands. You have
before you someone who had
achieved fame and fortune. But
guidance was something that eluded
me, no matter how hard I tried, until I
was shown the Qur’an. Now I
realize I can get in direct contact with
God, unlike Christianity or any other
religion. As one Hindu lady told me,
“You don’t understand the Hindus.
We believe in one God; we use these
objects (idols) to merely
concentrate.” What she was saying
was that in order to reach God, one
has to create associates, that are idols
for the purpose. But Islam removes
all these barriers. The only thing that
moves the believers from the
disbelievers is the salat. This is the
process of purification.
I realized that everything belongs to
God, that slumber does not overtake
Him. He created everything. At this
point I began to lose the pride in me,
because hereto I had thought the
reason I was here was because of my
own greatness. But I realized that I
did not create myself, and the whole
purpose of my being here was to
submit to the teaching that has been
perfected by the religion we know as
Al-Islam. At this point I started
discovering my faith. I felt I was a
Muslim. On reading the Qur’an, I
now realized that all the
Prophets sent by God
brought the same
message. Why then
were the Jews and
Christians different? I
know now how the
Jews did not accept
Jesus as the Messiah
and that they had
changed His Word.
Even the Christians
misunderstand God’s
Word and called Jesus
the son of God.
Everything made so much sense. This
is the beauty of the Qur’an; it asks
you to reflect and reason, and not to
worship the sun or moon but the One
Who has created everything. The
Qur’an asks man to reflect upon the
sun and moon and God’s creation in
general. Do you realize how different
the sun is from the moon? They are
at varying distances from the earth,
yet appear the same size to us; at
times one seems to overlap the other.
Finally I wish to say that everything I
do is for the pleasure of Allah and
pray that you gain some inspirations
from my experiences. Furthermore, I
would like to stress that I did not
come into contact with any Muslim
before I embraced Islam. I read the
Qur’an first and realized that no
person is perfect. Islam is perfect,
and if we imitate the conduct of the
Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam) we will be successful. May
Allah give us guidance to follow the
path of the ummah of Muhammad
(Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam). Ameen!
Even when many of the astronauts go
to space, they see the insignificant size
of the earth and vastness of space.
They become very religious, because
they have seen the Signs of Allah.
When I read the Qur’an further, it
talked about prayer, kindness and
charity. I was not a Muslim yet, but I
felt that the only answer for me was
the Qur’an, and God had sent it to
me, and I kept it a secret. But the
Qur’an also speaks on different
levels. I began to understand it on
another level, where the Qur’an says,
bandersnatch
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— Yusuf Islam (formerly Cat Stevens)
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campus life
Easter Holidays
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RandomCampus
and studying…(cough-<not!>). We
need time to recuperate as efficiently as possible from the fun in
order to return to school in tip-top
shape.
Carolyn Romero
Staff Writer
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Whether one devours a Turkey
feast, entertains while at a family
gathering or simply over indulges
secretly in chocolate caramel eggs,
Easter Holidays are usually a satisfying affair for most students. There
is however, a bittersweet twist to this
ever so pleasant story…
Citizens in the job force these
days are entitled to Monday off and
it is not as if students do not work as
hard as they do! Not having Monday
off for Easter break acts like a tease
for those who were just getting relaxed and feeling the holiday vibes.
Before one knows it, Sunday night
has arrived and there is nothing students can do or say to solve their
disenchanted feelings.
The truth is, despite the gifts,
grub and good times, most tend to
agree that we students are being
swindled when it comes to the Easter
“long weekend”. Easter Holiday begins with Friday off and goes on only
through Sunday night. What ever
happened to Easter Monday?
If Monday were to be put into the
Easter vacation treat basket, then
everyone would benefit thoroughly
from this special event. Last minute
frantic scholars doing math homework and drowsy stuffed students
would a thing of the past.
A three-day weekend would be
adequate for St. Patrick’s day or say
Groundhog day but for Easter? The
big bunny himself waits all year for
his time to shine and all we can do to
show our appreciation is a three-day
break? No people…This is seriously
unreasonable!
Lebanese Booth
Dagwood's
John Abbott in the Winter
Casgrain Flags
Having said that, we should all
gather together and voice our opinions to change the face of Easter Holiday forever. That way today’s students and our future generations
may benefit from this modification.
To boot, even though Easter is all
fun and games, students need further time to accomplish homework
Rob Says: Never Spit Into the
Wind,Never throw rocks at glass
houses,and always repeat after
lathering and rinsing.
Multi-cultural week
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2004-04-21
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7
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opinion
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Save Our Rainforests
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most of this in the Amazon Basin.
“Based on these estimates,” says
NASA’s Earth Observatory Unit,
“an area of tropical forest large
enough to cover North Carolina is
deforested each year!”. Wow.
Steve Stephanakis
Student
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The destruction of tropical forests across the Earth’s surface has
been occurring on a relatively
large-scale basis for many centuries. This process, known as deforestation, refers to the burning,
cutting down or otherwise damaging of the trees in a forest, rendering the aforementioned land barren. The loss of tropical rain forest
has more profound effects than
merely the destruction of a beautiful natural site. If the present rate
of deforestation continues, the
world’s major rain forests may
vanish within 100 years, thus causing unknown effects on the global
climate and small-scale deforestation has been known to cause the
elimination of the majority of plant
and animal species in the region.
Deforestation on a global scale
might cause the genocide of whole
species of fauna and florae. These
soon-to-be-extinct specimens are
what help keep the Earth’s ecosystem in its current balance. Elimination of entire geni would doubtlessly produce problems for all of
Humanity.
Research results by Basic Science and Remote Sensing Initiative’s (BSRSI) have indicated that
in the Brazilian Amazon, the rate
of deforestation was 6200 square
miles per year from 1978-1986,
but fell to 4800 square miles per
year from 1986-1993. “By 1988,”
states the research
paper, “6% of the Brazilian Amazon had
been
cut
down
(90,000
square
miles, an area the
size of New England)”
(BSRSI paper, 1996).
However, due to the
isolation of fragments and the increase in forest/
clearing boundaries,
a total of 16.5% of the
forest
(230,000
square miles, an area
nearly the size of
Texas) was affected by deforestation. Scientists are currently
analyzing rates of deforestation
for the current decade, as well as
studying
how
deforestation
changes from year to year. The
smaller region of Southeast Asia
(Indonesia, Thailand, Vietnam,
etc.) lost nearly as much forest per
year as the Brazilian Amazon from
1975 to the 1985, with 4800 square
The Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) estimates that
53,000 square miles of tropical
forests (rain forest and other) were
destroyed each year during the
1980s. Of this, they estimate that
21,000 square miles were deforested annually in South America,
miles per year converted to agriculture or cut for timberfor foreigners worldwide.
deemed a “global problem”, like
acid rain or the Greenhouse Effect.
Its effects are just as all-encompassing and, in fact, ignoring the
problem of deforestation can lead
to the exacerbation of other ecological problems that we are facing today. The increase in carbon
monoxide emission leads to the
worsening of the Greenhouse Effect and acid rain. Decrease of oxygen emission stunts the growth and
development of fauna and florae.
The deforestation of Tropical
rainforests has long-range consequences that easily turn dangerous. Trees contain about 50% carbon. When trees are cut down and
burned, the carbon combines with
oxygen and is released into the atmosphere as carbon dioxide. Carbon dioxide is a greenhouse gases
that contribute to global warming
and climate changes, problems
that no doubt deserve
their own articles and
time
at
length.
It is not only an environmental
problem, but also a social problem. As mentioned previously,
farmers are the biggest agents of
rainforest loss due to the fact that
they are in general poor and have
limited assets and must, when
times are rough, sell off their assets. The problem resides in the
fact that the assets they sell off
aren’t “transferred”, the way that
money or houses or furniture
changes hands. It is exploited right
away and that makes this problem
all the more pressing. Especially
due to the fact that the economic
situation that allowed this to happen in the first place (under subsidized farmers in South-American
countries) is not being dealt with.
Tropical rain forests
are an important part of
the global water cycle,
which is also known as the
‘Global Hydrologic Cycle’. Evaporation and
other processes initiated
by trees return large
amounts of water to the
atmosphere,
causing
cooling, cloud formation
and precipitation (rain).
When the rainforest is destroyed, precipitation goes down,
carbon dioxide concentrations go
up, oxygen production levels go
down and local wildlife is eradicated, unable to survive during the
transition from rainforest to
empty, barren plains.
It is not just some fad-of-theweek one sees on TV. It is a problem that requires immediate action
to circumvent the horrible future
that we are moving towards.
Deforestation is no joke; however, it is treated as one by the vast
majority of the populace. It is not
Help save the planet, and yourselves, to.
The Conspiracy of Stereotypes
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Stereotyping is an intrinsic part
of the society in which we live. It is a
practice that separates people into
“us” and them”, where the dominant
group is viewed as a collection of individuals and the marginalized group
as a collective entity.
bastardizations of what one would call
“individuals”. For an individual is one
who can see his or her place in society. The web of oppression that spins
all around us makes us completely and
wholly unaware of our place in society. There is only OUR wants and OUR
needs, and of courses OUR fears. And
it is these forces that are behind and,
in turn, exacerbate
stereotypes.
There are no secretive organizations flourishing in today’s society
seeking the furthering of the WASPs
(White Anglo-Saxon Protestants).
There is no "conspiracy of one" that
explains why oppression exists.
Rather, the intricate web of oppression that permeates the very fabric of
our reality is due to mechanisms already in place. As powerless as this
makes us all appear, human beings are
merely pawns in this bigger game, a
game where we are all forced to play
according to the rules. It is a game
that eliminates our ability to think
collectively and transforms us into
When one
says that stereotypes group the
marginalized (or
“other”) side into a
collective entity,
we do not mean
that they possess
this trait of synergy
that the dominant,
individuallyminded population lacks...we mean
that in the dominant way of thought,
the oppressed are made to seem as
some kind of simple, one-dimensional
race that can be dismissed with the
Mr. Humanities
Student
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This is a practice that feels almost instinctual. It’s evident in everything we do. Though I do not be-
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lieve that our stereotypes are as sharp
and as esoteric as those presented by
some critics, I still feel as if we all carry
the gene of bigotry in us, as subtle as
it may be. In some, it may manifest
itself through ethnic jokes and this is
a topic I do want to expand on. Many
of us assume that if we know a member of or are part of a certain ethnicity, it is OK to make jokes about the
ethnicity. This is extremely misleading because no matter what is said or
done, it is still a gradual process of undermining an identity. Fortunately or
unfortunately, depending on who you
might ask, we have shifted away from
the “Whites versus everyone else”
mentality and now make do in a world
where every group is undermining
every other group, all in the name of
Big Businesses (who are not necessarily White-only.) Everyone is shifted to
the side, be they Black or White, male
or female, gay or straight, and we are
all made to suffer for it, as we promote
all these stereotypes that, as opposed
to strengthening our own group, serve
to weaken us and everyone else.
greatest of ease. It allows us to ridicule them and transform them into
some base, inhuman clique in our
minds. And, as stupid as it sounds, this
is of primary importance! To not take
a group seriously, to refuse to attempt
to understand their hopes, their
dreams, their modus operandi...these
things take away the humanity of a
group
and
transform
them
into
shadows of
their former
selves, recognized only
by some defining, degrading characteristics
that
allow
them to be
the perfect
butt of any given jokes.
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slanderbatch
blaming everything that goes wrong on Rob since 1971
Volume XXXIII
Issue 14
Lovecraft Goes
Benjamin Wald
Joshua
Digital
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choice. It contained symbols that appear on no keyboard made by Man.
Since that horrid day, I can never
so much as get near a computer. Anything attached to the internet is utterly
intolerable, and even stand alone machines can push me to the edge of sanity. I can bearly stand ATM machines.
The horrid light of there damned monitors, their all watching for me. Ever
since that fateful day, when I discovered that horrid, accursed site.
As soon as the site loaded up, I could
see that this was the holy grail. This was
none other than that sanity blasted site,
the necronomicon.com! I began to
scan the blasphemous pages. Here was
revealed secrets beyond mortal comprehension. Elddritch knowledge and
obscure code was revealed. Much was
revealed to me that should forever have
remained hidden. I slowly became
aware of a strange sound, the monotonous whine of insane speakers filtering
into my tiny apartement.
I have always been a delver into the
arcane. Long had I searched in the
lesser known servers, investigating
shunned links. Many where the dark,
antiquarian searches I initiated. I
walked where few others dared. I
shunned the light of the high society
chat rooms, and the socially condoned
search engines. Mine was always a
darker route.
My memory past this point is
fragementary. I can remember a sense
of uniminaginable horror, so that I had
to block out the memory if I was to remain sane. Nyarlathotep, the webcrawling chaos! That horrible color out
of cyberspace. The gortesque vision of
servers run on living brains, on
motherboards of flesh and bone. From
Yuggoth on the rim they come. From
Ryhleh beneath the sea, home of dread
Cthulu, they reach out. From the forbidden peak of Kaddath in the cold
wastes, pasted the plains of Leng, they
network. What malign intellect guided
the insane geniuses that created the
thing we naively call the “Internet”?
Now I see that what we thought was
some new toy for our scientists, is truly
something far more sinister. When we
created the “World Wide Web”, we had
no idea how many worlds would be included.
It was one dark October night that
the horrid truth came crashing down
upon me. I was delving deeper in the
forbidden pages then ever before. The
lights were off all through my tiny garret appartment. The night had fallen
without my noticing. My tiny room was
illuminated solely by the hellish glow
of the monitor. I came upon it mainly
by accident. There, innocuously situated at the bottom of the screen, shone
that accursed URL. Since that fateful day
I have wished a thousand times that I
had passed it by, that I had been spared
the awful revelation that was to blight
my life. But fate was cruel to me that
night. I will not reveal what the link was,
although I doubt any could follow it by
Who is R-Prime?
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the man in the black cloak was not there.
And again, they disavowed any knowledge. The other staff writers looked at me,
and seemed as though they were just as
puzzled as I was. But, by the same token,
the identity of this man wasn’t consuming
them as it was me. Then, the Staff writers
were asked to leave the room. Only the
executives remained. The cloaked man
returned and took off his hood. “I see your
thoughts, I feel your intensions...” He
said, “...in the beginning, in the end, I’m
R-Prime the Indivisable.”
Robert Briza
Present, but not all here
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There was a bandersnatch issue last
semester (before I joined Bander) which
mocked the Budweiser Loft. It wasn’t so
much the article that interested me, it was
the identity of it’s author; R-Prime. When
I finaly came to Bandersnatch, this semester, in the first issue there was an article
by R-Prime, about the WWE superstar,
“Hurricane”. Anyone in Bandersnatch can
tell you that I’m a big wrestling fan, and
even more so a Hurricane fan. When I
asked who this R-Prime was, the other
members just shrugged, or changed the
subject, and wouldn’t tell me anything.
From this point on, I knew that something
was going on. As time went on, more and
more wrestling articles appeared in the
Entertainement section. I thought the
Entertainment Editor, Karen Gelsthorpe,
would know. So I spoke to her. Again, just
a shrug and a change of subject. After a
conversation about curtains, I left the office without an answer to my most frequently asked question: Who is R-Prime?
R-Prime is a secret which is kept in the
highest ranks of Bandersnatch. I can not
tell you readers the identity of R-Prime.
But as time went by, I begain working with
him. Over the past months, I got to know
him. As I spoke to him, it was like he could
see through my eyes. He knew everything
about everyone. But whenever I tried to
take a picture of him, he would never show
up in the picture. All that was there was a
dark silhouette, and the wall behind him.
He is the dark figure that wanders the
school, but he is a sworn protector. The
John Abbott campus is dark at night, with
shadows and sounds. But the students,
who go at night in continuing education,
walk safely because they know their sworn
protector, R-Prime, is watching...
In Volume XXXIII, Issue 9, an article
about The Legend of Zelda; The Ocarina
of Time was published in the Games section. By R-Prime. In the next issue, an article about The Legend of Zelda; Majora’s
Mask. Again, written by R-Prime. Finally
came the elections night, when I ran for
the position of Campus Life editor in
Bandersnatch. I gave my speech and was
told to leave the room. As I left the room,
I saw a strange man in a black cloak and
hood enter. When I came back in, they
told me that I was chosen to be the Campus Life editor, and although I was happy,
At press time, Rob can only be
reached at his new residence, the
Sainte-Anne's Psychiatric Facility.
Ask for Nurse Ratchet.
The end of the world...
postponed to next Tuesday
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and orange soda.
Kathleen Stanhope
Angry Dinosaur
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Scientists claim that this odd behavior
is a sign of the comeing of the end of the
world, while local consipiracy theorists
claim that they [the scientists] are “full of
it” and just want attention. In a recent interview, The Lord Unicorn went on record
stating that the dragons “have long been
know for their ‘worry wort’ tendency and
that they should be paid no mind” further
adding that “all your bases are belong to
us.”
Recently we have witnessed a mass
migration of what appears to be
vacationing Dragons. That is to say they
have been seen traveling with packed
bags and sunhats. One wonders where
they are going, and where they have been
hiding for that matter, as this is an unprecedented sighting, they have not been
seen since the late tenth century. This
reporter wonders if they know something
we don’t as they have been seen buying
large quantites of cholocate chip cookies
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There has been speculation that last
month’s disappearance of leprechauns,
pots of gold, and rainbows may also have
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something to do with the dragons'
travel plans. Recently the number
of corner crackpots proclamining
the end of the world has decreased
drasticaly, much to the relief of others.
When questioned, the crackpot community said “what?...oh...uhm....that’s old
hat, yesterdays news.” They then
proceded to sing “I’m a little tea pot...”
vow
revenge.
In a act of bravery (or stupidity)
this reporter cornered a dragon and asked
“what’s up? why the bags? are you leaving
because the end of the world is coming?”
to which they responded, “What? Oh no,
that’s not 'till next Tuesday. We’re on our
way to the summer house on Mars.”
In an unrelated (or is it?) story, the
men’s clothing outlite Big ‘n’ Tall has seen
an increase in their sales due to an unexpected growth spurt among dwarves. Scientists also claim that this is another sign
of the end of the world. The dwarves claim
this is all their [the scientists'] fault, and
2004-04-21
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9
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Orbituaries
SLANDERBATCH
John Abbott College
P.O. Box 2000
Sainte-Anne-de-Bellevue, QC
H9X 3L9
Zili Wang
Our dear friend, and Photographics
Co-ordinator, the mighty Zili Wang,
wielder of the sacred camera of Olympus,
died on a quest which will take it’s place
among the legends. Our Production Manager, Sarah Jade Aubé, sent him to find
the frumious Bandersnatch and take a picture of it. “I was tired of these cartoon
sketches...”, said Sarah, “I wanted the real
thing.” Zili followed the white rabbit into
Wonderland, only with the words; “Beware the Jabberwocky.” He entered a
magical forest where he found a little girl,
playing with a Bandersnatch. He took the
picture from behind the tumtum tree, but
was then attacked by the Jubjub bird. He
was knocked unconcious, and was eaten
by the Jabberwocky. He may be gone, but
his legend has survived on the wind’s
breath. It has become customary to teach
the new Photographics Co-ordinators
how to wield the mighty Olympus. It is
the hope of the Bandersnatch executives,
that they will know courage like Zili's. And
as for his picture, it stands on the wall of
the Bandersnatch office, in tribute to our
hero.
Tel: (514) 457-6610 Ext 5389
Fax: (514) 457-6091
E-Mail:
bandersnatch@johnabbott.qc.ca
Office: H-041
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slanderbatch
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Hittin' You
Jeffrey Katz
Kung-Fu Ninja
Ann-Margaret Porcelli
Present, but not all here
Rob Briza
I'm not bitter
Marc Nakhleh
Bad little monkey
Karen Gelsthorpe
Seve Savoie
Teruel
Independantly Active
Naila Jinnah
Seve Savoie Teruel was a valued member of the Bandersnatch team. Unfortunately, his exciting and cartoon-like life
ended last week. Ironically, he died doing
the two things he likes best: gaming and
shocking people. It all started with an innocent game of Unreal Tournament
2004, Seve’s current heartthrob. He was
testing the game for defects while at work
at EB Games when all of a sudden there
was a power failure. Forensics assume that
this is when Seve was transported into the
game. However, since his co-worker was
on a coffee break, it impossible to know
exactly what happen. When the EB clerk
finally made it back to the store, he discovered that Seve was standing out as a
character in UT2K4. Not only was he not
of the same species as the characters
around him, he was not wearing the right
uniform. In fact, he was wearing no uniform at all. To top it all off, the game level
consisted of an odd merger between
ONS_RedPlanet and the Fairview Shopping Mall. It seems that when Seve realized what had happened, he tried to get
out of the computer. However, every
such attempt resulted in an electric wardrobe malfunction. It seems that Seve remembered a few quotes from The Matrix,
and realized that if he was killed in the
game, he would die in the real world. We’re
guessing that he decided that he might as
well go out in style – no pun intended –
and offend whoever was watching his
game. So a naked Seve ran across the
boundaries of the screen, attempting not
to get shot. Oddly enough, this strategy
did not keep him alive for long. A couple
Red Mage
Chris Deslauriers
Joshua
Benjamin Wald
Nanny
Christine Nadeau
Wax Lion
Sarah Jade Aubé
Spontaneously Combusted
Anton Iancu
Dusty Old Book
Katherine Martin
Oreignfay Anguageslay Editorway
Open
Apprentice
Jeffrey Katz
Freelance Spy
Zili Wang
1337 |30`/$
Ryan Bruyère
David Newman
10
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Bandersnatch has suffered the loss of many
of its members in such a short period of time.
They will be sorely missed.
ing our own Habs hockey team, and the
Boston Bruins. The night seemed to be
going well, and there was no indication
what would happen next. Naila was busy,
focused entirely on the game, and Ryan,
being the overworked Comp. Sci student
that he is (was?) was trying to divide his
time between work, girlfriend, and game.
of minutes later, there was another power
failure and Seve was caught streaking in
Fairview. In a most unfortunate turn of
events, a Lightning Gun shot followed him
through the dimensions, and that was the
last anyone heard – not saw – of the Scanner Monkey.
Christine
Nadeau
Then, the unfortunate string of events
was set into motion. Late in the last period, The Canadians scored their second
goal, sealing the deal. Naila, ecstatic, commenced leaping up and down amongst the
fans, and did not notice she had knocked
her significant other’s laptop into his gut.
Ryan retaliated playfully and Naila sat
back down, aiming to slap him on the knee.
Unfortunately, the swipe hit the lid of the
laptop, slamming it down onto little Ryan,
who died on impact. Suffering from shock,
Ryan stumbled, and fell to the ground,
knocking Naila down the steps and onto
the ice (Fat Man Belly Air Dive. Very nice),
then was trampled to death by the Habs.
The referees, as was a common occurence
at that game, didn’t call anything.
Today is a day of mourning in the history of bandersnatch, our beautiful and
hyper Office Manager was found dead in
the Bander Office.
Her head and Canmore Hotel t-shirt,
were found in a puddle of her own blood
on one of the couches in the office. “The
office was in complete disaray, chairs were
upside down, the computer covered in
layers and layers of dust, garbage was littered everywhere and grime was caked
on the walls and ceiling, turning everything to a puke green color.” says Chief of
Police. Her co-workers expressed their
absolute disbelief, Editor-in-Chief Jeffery
Katz saying “It’s just so unbelieveable,
everything seemed fine when I left last
night while she was cleaning the office
before heading home. The room was a bit
messier then usual but nothing seemed
out of the ordinary...”.
Ryan, utterly in shock at this horrendous turn of events, did not notice that,
as luck would have it, the center scoreboard had begun swinging back and forth,
and that the wires had come right on top
of Ryan. The irony that Ryan was crushed
by the “Penalties” part of the scoreboard
was lost on Ryan, being already smooshed
to a pulp. But he probably would have
found it quite humorous.
After careful examination of the room
and furniture, police found more of her
blood under the furniture and scattered
to the corners of the room. They determined that while cleaning up the office,
the massive amounts of dust and grime
that had built up over the years had decided to rebel, tired of being swept away
like yesterday’s trash, they had had their
fill and fought back... “It’s such a shame
that it had to happen now, to an office
manager so young..” Says Jason Doan, a
previous office manager. Although some
investigators have waited days and days
in the office sweeping, none have found
evidence of sentient life among the particles of dust, perhaps the dirt was simply
angsty..or perhaps it had a personal vendetta against the blond haired, pale
skinned munchkin who had come to be
known as Christine Nadeau. In either case
she will always be remembered in our
memories.
Naila, however, received all the autographs she could have possibly
wanted...although they were skate imprints across her back.
And thus, with a Game 7 win and a
cleaning detail force, Naila and Ryan
passed into legend. The Pope later canonized Ryan and made him Patron of Computer Geeks. It seemed that fell under the
jurisdiction of a Saint Isidore, who was
thus demoted.
Some say that if you wander around
the Bell Center at night alone, you can still
hear the voice of a woman crying
out...”Pie!”...or....”yay!”...or even “hihihi!”
once in a blue moon. She lives on in all of
us.
Naila Jinnah &
Ryan Bruyère
Karen
Gelsthorpe &
Amanda
Hoogland
Whoever said sports are fun and
games was lying! More like, “It’s all fun
and games, ‘till someone loses an eye, then
it is a sport!” These lines, tragically, have
the ring of truth within them, for the
Banders’ main duo, Naila and Ryan, have
suffered to the utmost, dying in their
‘prime’, and destroying many people’s
belief in a fair and just God.
A sad day it was as the sun went
down in Barrelhaven. The last battle
of th' Big War was fought in the valley
merely a few days ago. Two of our beloved Bander members, Karen and
Amanda, went and stood up for the
cause. And sadly, lost their lives in the
process.
Our horrifying tale started 2 nights
ago, when our dynamic duo went to see
the greatly-anticipated Game 7 , featur-
These two met years ago with a
"May the wind always be at your back, and the sun always upon your face, and
may the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars."
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bandersnatch
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Orbituaries (cont.)
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slanderbatch
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bered the words of Julius Ceasar: "divide and conquer." To Karen's horror,
two stupid rat creatures quickly
snatched Amanda off her feet and ran
away with her, far from the battle.
common interest in the paper and
quickly became best friends. They
have been inseperable ever since. So
when they caught word that the valley was being invaded by rat creatures
and taken over by the wicked Hooded
One, they both came to the realisation
that something must be done. Thus
they set out into the vastness of the
country and travelled the woods in
search of their enemy. And they found
them.
It was later discovered that she
had been baked into a quiche by the
foul beasts. All that remained were
three bones: Fone, Smiley and Phoney.
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a quest to find the gold. Marc humored
the jocks for a while, leading them this
way and that, skipping to his new little leprechaun tune, until he grew
bored of the game. Turning quickly,
using his ninja reflexes, Marc attacked
his captors. He made it through about
three of the bigger boys before he was
finally taken down. Bandersnatch will
miss him.
Bandersnatch lost one of its more
productive members last week. Marc
Nakhleh, the Opinions editor, was
tragically murdered. Nakhleh was last
seen leaving the Bandersnatch office
muttering his favorite expression,
“Me lucky Charms,” under his breath,
when he was apprehended by a rather
large group of stoned jock- types. Poor
Marc didn’t know what hit him. Onlookers laughed as he tried to explain,
rather diplomatically, to the jocks
that he was indeed not the Lucky
Charms leprechaun and did not know
where the marshmallows were. Unfortunately for poor Marc, the jocks did
not believe what he was saying.
Down the mountain came hundreds and hundreds of rat creatures
storming towards them. Armed only
with their courage and strength of
spirit, our girls stood up and fought
the good fight.
Karen wouldn't take any crap from
anyone in life and certainly wouldn't
make an exception for this vermin. She
hit, kicked and yelled for our freedom
until the bitter end. She destroyed the
rat creatures and their leader the
Hooded One and all that was left of
them was frightened away. But these
cowards ended her due to the extreme
exaustion and strain she put her body
through during the fight.
After a brief time one of the jocks
happened to remember that leprechauns, if they don’t have marshmallows, must be able to lead them to a
pot of gold. Despite Marc’s objections,
the jocks led him out of the school on
Amanda started off the same as
Karen, fighting right at her side. Her
heart of gold would never let her
desert a friend. However, before the
Hooded One was defeated, he remem-
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outfit them all, they were all armed
with an assortment of golf clubs. As
Jay exited the Bandersnatch office,
the gamers and Hillel cornered him in
the club hallway. In a flurry of golf
clubs, Jay went down. All Banderites
will shed a tear for his passing.
Katherine
Martin
Jason Doan
Marc Nakhleh
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One final member of our brave
Bandersnatch crew was also lost.
Katherine Martin was the victim of a
freak art accident. She was working
late on an assignment one evening.
Tiredness began to get the better of
her, and her caution around the dangerous materials she was using slowly
slipped. Then, in one fateful moment,
it happened. She got a paper cut. Paper cuts can be dangerous under the
best of circumstances. This time, however, she was lacerated several more
times by stray pieces of paper left carelessly lying around. The combination
of these blows was too much for her,
and she lost consciousness. She was
discovered in the morning, having
bled to death. It can only be hoped
that Katherine’s death will serve some
purpose, by increasing the awareness
of the dangers of sleep deprivations,
especially when combined with such
dangerous implements as paper.
This week the Bandersnatch lost
another devoted member. Amongst
all the other tragedy we experienced,
Jay Doan was cruelly snatched away
before his time. It all began with the
gamers. While Jay was on a sojourn
into their demesne, the gamers began
an ill-conceived plan to “mystery fist”
Jay. Jay proved more than a match
for his assailants. With fists flying, he
fought his way to safety. Among the
carnage he left behind, the only sound
was the cry of a wounded gamer;
“aughhhh, I think I took a critical hit.”
After a suitable application of
“cure light wounds,” the gamers were
out for revenge. They decided to resort to plan B; “mystery golf clubbing.”
Fearful that even this would not be
enough, they went looking for allies.
After an impromptu alliance with
Hillel, they were ready. They first visited the gym department. After a brief
delay while they tried to figure out
how many gold pieces it would cost to
Horrorscopes
Aries - Quit trying to prove how tough you are, honestly running head butts are not a good idea. Now I understand you think it
attracts members of the opposite sex, but in reality everyone else
just thinks that you’re stupid. At this rate your all going to die of
Massive brain hemorrhaging.
Taurus - You should avoid train tracks, overpasses, tunnels,
highways, roads in general, open spaces, enclosed spaces, houses,
apartments, cottages... who am I kidding your screwed either way,
your time is up. P.S you will die a terrible, terrible death.
Libra - All the fluctuations in the weather are off-setting your
balance. Watch out for uneven ground or tree roots, for the fall is not
only embarrassing, but deadly too. The worst part is that everyone
is laughing at you, even at your funeral.
Scorpio - Avoid psychos. Trust me, the stars say that they
can really screw you over in more ways than one. Plus, the stars tell
of a very bloody death. Have fun with that.
Sagittarius - Escape is not an option. Just be a good little
mental patient and everything will be all right. P.S I wouldn’t try
anything right now. The man with the sniper rifle doesn’t like you
very much.
Gemini - Just because your parents neglected to mention your
institutionalized identical evil twin, doesn’t mean they don’t exists.
Watch your back, your twin is angry, escaped and wants your life.
Cancer - Do you really think you are the centre of the Universe? The stars predict you are about to get demoted, and it won't
be pretty. All you need now is the Ebola Virus, and you're on a roll.
Good work, chump!
Capricorn - The monkeys are coming, The monkeys are coming, run, hide, scream, but for the love of God the monkeys are
coming!
Aquarius - Too much of something is as bad as too little. You
know what I’m taking about. Plus, death by exhaustion is not a fun
way to die.
Leo - The ego thing has gotten a bit over-done. I know that you
think your all that. But you can’t fight with large metal objects, such
as trains, they will win. Regardless of any title or award you may
have.
Virgo - Remember that sandwich you brought to school on the
first day of class last semester? Yeah, its still lurking at the back of
your locker waiting, only this time it wants to eat you.
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Pisces - I know you think that your relationship with the gangster is going really well. But with all your romantic sniveling and
smothering your loved one is growing impatient. Unfortunately,
before the week is up, you’ll be sleeping with the fishes.
2004-04-21
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11
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HEALTH AND WELLNESS CENTRE
slanderbatch
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VISIT WWW.ULIFELINE.COM This web site made for students even
includes an interactive breast self-examination. That's right! The
computer will help check your breasts for lumps.Oh, and don't forget
to tell all your pretty lady friends...
JOHN ABBOTT COLLEGE
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Security is the essential roadblock to achieving the roadmap to
peace.
Bush, July 28 2003
WORD OF THE DAY: Dimethylpolysiloxane
Check with Bill Mahon in H159 For definition
SCHOLARSHIP INFORMATION
ARE YOU A white, rich, C- student with no financial need? If so,
apply for the GET YOUR DADDY'S CREDIT CARD scholarship.
There are many of you lazy kids out there, so hurry up. Deadline is
April 23rd. Remember, money doesn't fall from the sky, it grows on
trees.
SUJAC/CLUBS
ON CAMPUS
AGORA HAPPENINGS THIS WEEK:
Wed., Apr. 21
:Celebrity Kissing Booth
Thurs., Apr. 22
:Islamic Samosa Bonanza!
All Day & Night
Before Sunrise
Fri., Apr. 23
3x /Day, maybe 5
:Film: “Christianty; The 12-Step Program”
BANDERSNATCH is holding a memorial ceremony for all those who
have died in the recent days. If you wish to light a candle (and
hopefully light the school on fire) please sign up in H-041.
ORLANDO BLOOM will be participating in the Kissing booth in the
Agora. Women, $1, Men, $.50. Also present, the winner of the Miss
John Abbott College Pageant.
THIS WEEK IS TV TURNOFF WEEK. Take the time to watch
disgusting people do disgusting things in a very non entertaining way.
In other words, no Bleu Nuit this week. How ever will you survive?
ENVIRONMENTAL TIP OF THE DAY: Learn to trick your friends
into confusing your oregano plant for another type of weed. Attend our
workshop in the Agora on Thursday.
AEROBIC FITNESS CLUB: There's no workout this week. We're all
too lazy and we'll never loose weight. NEVER!
DILDO GIVEAWAY! If you want one of these customizable toys, drop
by Student Services and tell us why you can't get any.
PAGINGS
REGISTRARIAT
Elisha Cuthbert: if you happen to come back home to Greenfield Park
and decide to see your friends at JAC, please visit the Physics Lab
and show us all your cool features, uhm, I mean physics info.
PLEASE NOTE: If you are not attending classes, you will most
certainly fail. Yes, this applies to Labs and Final Exams as well, you
dumbass!
Uma Thurman: congratuations on killing Bill, please remove the body
from Student Activities ASAP!
LOST AND FOUND
JACADEMICS
NEW COURSE on how to keep your NHL team in business. All
former Quebec Nordiques executives are required to pass this
course to gaincredibility. Download the course outline at
www.johnabbott.qc.ca/newcourse/NHL/NotBankrupt.html
LOST: Killer Monkeys on the loose. Carry bananas on you at all times
so that you can shoo them away.
STUDENT SERVICES
LOST: Virgnity. Enough said.
COUNSELLING
FOUND: Tumbleweed. Actually, why am I writing this? There's no one
here to read it...
LOST: Virginity. Much sentimental value. Will give a reward.
DROP INS:
Mon.
Tues.
Wed.
Thurs.
Fri.
23:00-4:00 (All Night Party!)
7:30-8:30
Closed for personal reasons
18h- 21h (We're open late for your convinience)
Do we have to?
AS YOU CAN SEE we've expanded our opening hours in order to
seem to do more work. Really, we're just trying to get more sleep.
Counseling is better than counting sheep!
12
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OFF CAMPUS
SHANIA TWAIN is coming to
town. Buy tickets now
because she can get you Up
:). That's right! She said so
herself!
bandersnatch
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entertainment
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E n t e r t a i n m e n t
with Karen Gelsthorpe
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Great Big Sea
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When I first listened to this CD,
I thought they had returned to traditional ballads with a vengeance. Almost all of the songs have a traditional
sound. However, upon checking up on
it, only two of the tracks were actually adapted from traditional songs.
The others are new songs, but they all
have a folksongs sound.
upbeat sound, and the tracks are guaranteed to put a spring in your step.
This is in contrast to their earlier albums. The early albums had songs
about the decline of the Newfoundland
fisheries, and the loss of heritage for
Newfoundlanders. On this album, the
tracks are relentlessly upbeat. Even
those that deal with lost love
deal with it with a perky and
upbeat sound. In some
ways, this change is a shame.
I enjoyed the contrast in
tone in earlier albums. The
relentless cheer of this CD
ended up getting on my
nerves partway through. I
mean, there’s only so much
up beat cheerfulness I can
take before I start pinning for
a good old rant, or a bit of
depression. The tone of this CD is so
constant as to be monotonous at
times.
The album as a whole has a very
That being said, all the songs on
Benjamin Wald
Assistant-Editor-in-Chief
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I recently got the chance to listen to the new Great Big Sea CD, Something Beautiful. This is the group’s seventh album, and this band from Newfoundland has achieved enormous
success. Their mix of traditional Newfoundland folk songs and more modern, light rockish songs of their own
devising has made the group a smash
hit far beyond the confines of their island home.
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LOTR
Quote
Quiz
this CD are, without exception, entertaining. Although none of the songs
absolutely blew me away, all of them
are solid and well performed. I was
impressed by the folk song air that
Doyle (one of the vocalists and song
writers of Great Big Sea) conveyed in
his songwriting. It is uplifting in small
doses. For fans of
Great Big Sea’s
earlier work, or
for anyone who
likes maritime folk
music, this CD is an
excellent buy. I
would
recommend it to fans, but
with the caveat
that it doesn’t
quite live up to
their earlier work.
I hope that this new sound isn’t permanent, and that they return to the
more interesting mix of styles that
characterizes most of their earlier
The theme of this issues Movie
Quote Quiz is the actors from Lord of
The Rings bring this completed with
the name of the actor and film that its
fromto the Bandersnatch office H-041
and win a prize.
1-You didn’t beat me. You ignored
the rules of engagement. In a fair fight,
I’d kill you.
2-I don’t think that a person
should run unless he’s being chased.
3-You are a god among insects.
Never let anyone tell you different.
work.
2 Reviews by Tinker
Tuff
13 Going On 30 and Kill Bill Vol.2
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Tinker Tuff
The Abominator
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All in all, the movie is
definately funny, and has a few
good parts, but is not something I
would recommend to anyone who
wishes to save some time and
money.
13 Going On 30
A new chick flick is in town, and
the name of it is 13 going on 30. I
have not seen
Jennifer Garner
in a film since
DareDevil, and
she looks like a
whole new person. She acts like
a whole new person also. Trust
me, this new person is NOT movie
material.
The cornyness is sometimes
disturbing, and the acting is a
little below impressive at many
points. These facts make this a
movie that is good for a group
of people on the weekend who
want to rent a movie, and not
really pay attention.
So, although I don’t recommend this movie for the Big
Screen, maybe pick up a copy
when it comes out on disc.
The film starts in the late 80’s,
with a young thirteen year-old who
wishes to be older after seeing
succesful older women on TV and
in magazines. Her wish gets
granted and she wakes up to find
herself a thirty year-old magazine
editor, working her way treacherously up.
Kill Bill Vol.2
The 4th film by Quentin
Tarantino is out - the second of a
two part movie series - and it is
good.
Eager movie fans, after seeing
the blood-drenched blockbuster
hit, Kill Bill Vol.1, were streaming
into the movie theaters to see the
sequel.
Her life turns for the better
when she finds her childhood
friend has grown into a handsome,
semi-successful man. One with a
fiancé.
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Some might have been delighted, some might have been
dissapointed. Some others might
have really enjoyed their popcorn.
4-You can say whatever you want
about me, but I’m gonna ask you not
to talk about my horse that way.
Both films were produced at the
same time and pretty much run
seamlessly.
5-Remember it is you, Ichabod
Crane, who is now put to the test
In the newest film, the entire
storyline unfolds, and you are
privy to the conclusion.
Unlike the first film, which was
pretty much all action and fun
(with lots of blood and gore), the
second one settles down into the
storyline a bit more and gets more
serious.
6-Baby, you have such sweet pillow talk
7-Were gonna go inside, were
gonna go outside, inside and outside.
Were gonna get ‘em on the run boys
and once we get ‘em on the run were
gonna keep ‘em on the run. And then
were gonna go go go go go go and were
not gonna stop til we get across that
goalline. This is a team they say is.......
is good, well I think were better than
them. They cant lick us, so what do
you say men?
Although it still sports somoe of
the wit of the first one, Vol.2 does
not even come close to leaving you
with the same gut-feeling that made
you want to get up and go to the
wash room.
Besides this lack of character,
the film starts and inishes off quite
well.
So, expect Uma Thurman's performance to be spectacular, expect
it to be bloody,expect to laugh, but
don't expect Vol.2 to be the same
as Vol.1.
2004-04-21
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8-Well, this is goodbye. I mean, we
obviously have nothing in common.
I’m a genius, you’re all f**king
wankers. You’ll never see me again.
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entertainment
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Bad Album, Maybe it's a Frisbee
Welcome to Frisbee reviews. Frisbee reviews are what happens when
albums aren’t good at being albums,
so we need to find their purposes in
life. If an album fails, less than three
and half stars, we test it as a Frisbee
and a coaster, and find what it was really meant to be.
I’m gonna last/ So I can’t let ya snatch
the powder out of my Hourglass” Look
they bought a rhyming dictionary I’m
so impressed. No meaning, but it
rhymes. This is garbage, don’t waste
your money. One star, for buying the
rhyming dictionary.
Neighborhood Watch- No stars
because this CD doesn’t work. Stupid
broken crap.
Steriogram- Smack: Hooray for
run-of-the mill punk music. This album is not terrible. In fact it’s actually ok. Completely unoriginal, but not
everyone can make totally new music. The background music is a sampling of all generic punk beats and
rifts, the vocals are all right. Almost
all the songs sound the same, but what
can you do. Lyrics could be better.
Normally this CD would get two stars
max. But it is too good to be Frisbee’d
so three and a half stars
Courtney
Love-America’s
Sweethart: This Albums lyrics show
the crack-addled state in which I envision Courtney Love wrote this albumin. The music and lyrics are childish. But it comes with a scary poster
of Courtney Love (Not a Selling point).
This album is terrible, avoid it like the
plague, if you want to heart childish
whinnind set to bad rock music, go to
a high school talent show, it sucks less.
One Star, out of pity.
MadlibShades
of
Blue:
eewwwwwwww, a terrible throwback
to bad jazz. With rap and turn tabling
in the background, and distortion. For
the love of god why? This is possibly
the worst CD I’ve ever heard. The disc
this CD is printed on is worth more than
the music. Melodic Crap. It sounds like
jazz music threw up on this guys rap
style beats. DON’T BUY THIS ALBUM.
Even the cover art is terrible; everyone loves badly focused photos of
dirty pigeons. One star, and I say: “To
the Frisbee pile with you.”
Drag-On: Hell and Back: Generic
Hip-Hop music. Everyone loves generic music. Sounds like Usher and
Nelly mixed together, or Puffy and 50
cent. Sounds just like everyone else.
Its not terrible, but its not new or exciting or innovative. Boring, almost
mind numbing, leftovers from any
other rap band. It lacks fun and excitement. Three stars, not quite good
enough.
Koop-Waltz for Koop, Alternative
Takes: Mind Numbing, unmelodic,
monotonous garbage. This CD hurts
my brain. Not terrible for listening
too, if your stoned, but I wouldn’t suggest it too any one that’s sober. Boring beats, boring vocals, terrible lyrics. Why would you think too make or
sign this band. This sounds like an terrorist attack on my intelligence. Obvious distortion of Pop Music went
out with the eighties, where this band
belongs. No stars.
Wil- Both Hands. It’s original at
least. Good beats and background
music, Great lyrics and vocals. Despite the terrible graphics on the
cover and in the booklet, this album
is definitely worth buying. This band
is really good. Five Stars, this album
is great at being an album, we don’t
need to find its real use.
Tony Allen- Home Cooking: Rap/
Soul with electric beats and sounds.
Whoever thought this was a good idea
needs to be
shot, or at least
fired. Take one
part Rap add
one
part
techno sounds
and one part
country guitar,
and what do
you get? Home
Cooking
by
Tony Allen. It
hurts my brain.
This
album
lasted 5 minutes in my CD
player. Definitely
not
meant to be an
a l b u m .
Frisbee…perhaps.
Borialis- What you Thought you
Heard: What I know I heard; Crap. This
pseudo- hip hop, rock crap has nothing productive to say, and terrible
music to send their terrible message.
Poor at best. “ I don’t know how long
A u d i o
Bullys-Ego
War: Didn’t I
just hear this
album, no, that
was Drag-on,
14
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although in my eyes they could have
been the same album. Boring generic
rap, obtainable at any rap club from
at least five separate groups. Plus its
super repetitive, The first song appears to consist of little more than
“I’ve got this feeling in my head, wish
it would go away”. Two stars for being
wicked Generic.
Koop- Really pretty pink coaster.
Terrible Frisbee, doesn’t fly straight.
Borialis-Ugly gray coaster, Not a
resilient Frisbee but after enough
throws, great ninja star.
Neighborhood WATCH- Broken
CD, Great Frisbee, Gorgeous coaster
complete with New York City Scape,
buy yours today.
Thicke-A Beautiful World: why do
you people insist on making so much
generic rap/hip hop crap? It’s seriously grating on my nerves. This album sounds just like the one before it,
and the one before that. But this one
features such intelligent songs as
“Suga Mama”, “Make a Baby” and “I’m
A’ be Alright” (Speak much). Plus this
guy looks like a mix of Kevin
Richardson of the Backstreet boys and
Yanni, and in his booklet is wearing a
tie and his shirt buttoned up wrong,
can’t even dress himself; who gave this
guy a record deal? Although he says it
best, Thicke- pretty much sums it up.
One pity star [can’t even dress himself, what can we expect?]
Courtney Love- Ugly, Ugly
coaster. Not a good Frisbee, or ninja
star, not good at all.
Drag-On: Great coaster, really well
designed disc. Bad Frisbee.
Tony Allen: Pretty coaster, maybe
wall decoration. Bad Frisbee, wobbles
and doesn’t fly straight.
Essential Music- A compilation of
lesser-known bands. Up side to this
album, it picks only the best songs of
each band, thus eliminating the need
to purchase any of the albums, hooray for whoever thought of that. Five
Stars, for that one smart guy at the
record label.
Audio Bullys-ugly coaster only
black with the bands name. OK Frisbee, much like the music,
unremarquable.
Thicke- This album is good for
nothing its wicked ugly (features his
photograph), and it makes a terrible
Frisbee.
Madlib- Great Frisbee, although
not super resilient, terrible coaster,
the disc is ugly.
bandersnatch
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Swamp Princess Strikes Gold
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ments were well coordinated and fluid,
thus avoiding the dragging feeling often felt in poorly directed plays. Other
technical details that were successfully tended to were the costumes and
accessories, both colorful and suiting
their characters to a tee. And despite
the costumes themselves being inconsistent with their respective time
periods and rank, they got the point
across: a colorful tale from a colorful
kingdom.
Christine Nadeau
Office Manager
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Fairy tales are usually pretty simple: a budding love story leads to huge
obstacle that is overcome, after which
the lovers live happily ever after. And
that’s all well and good. But take the
classic story of The Princess and The
Pea and place it in the mischievous
hands of the John Abbott Theatre
Workshop group, and you have yourself an all out laughter-fest called Once
Upon A Mattress. And even though it
wasn’t perfect, certain individual performances and a side-splitting script
made the show worth far more than
the eight dollar ticket, and an altogether pleasure to watch.
The musical aspect of Once Upon
A Mattress was also to be appreciated.
A simple three man band provided
most of the background music, and
though they could have benefited
from the addition of a few instruments
to enrich the sound, they did complement the vocalists with a nice blend
of medieval and modern. The vocalists, however, were average with the
exception of perhaps two or three and
the group numbers. Sir Harry was not
equipped to handle the manly notes
he was supposed to be pouring out to
his dear Larkin. One can almost see
her cringing at some moments, yet
she herself is not immune to the
karaoke curse: in the many duets she
has with her lover, she falls out of
tune with him despite her having the
purest and most beautiful voice in the
play. The Romeo and Juliet syndrome
claims yet another couple…But onto
the remainder of the singers. In a few
On a strictly technical level, a real
thumbs up to the set designers and
ingenious students who, quite simply,
set the stage for an excellent performance. The backdrop and set were fresh
and simple yet paid attention to any
important details that enhanced the
already loaded acting, while the rotating castle caught the audience’s attention while keeping the background
to a minimum. An interesting use of
simple colored lights served as a neutral, harmonious backdrop to a timeless fairy tale. The director also made
very good use of time: the blackouts
were equally effective and brief; the
entrances, exits and actors’ move-
words, they all had very strong, good
voices; however, they were tone-deaf.
And it was a shame because if they had
only altered the key the minstrel
(Tenyjah McKenna) was to sing in, she
would have been better able to carry
out the songs of her male character.
Male characters played by women are
much better sung to sound good
rather to sound in character. And if
the minstrel was intended to be tonedeaf, then I wish him good luck in his
career…
and gave off a Lucille Ball aura with
her facial expressions. Her candidness on stage was a clear as it had been
in Guys & Dolls, Theater Workshop’s
musical in spring 2003, and she simply compensated for any lesser part
of the play through her interpretation
and reinvention of Fred. Lucille could
not have done it better herself. The
one disappointing performance of
then night however, came from Coralie
Heiler’s interpretation of the wizard.
She came through both strong and
funny at first, which made for a very
entertaining first act, but when the
long scene involving much dialogue
with the minstrel and jester came
about, she dropped the low, male
voice that she had been successfully
using until then and picked up again
in a very female and out of character
voice which left the audience to wonder if the wizard had just gotten kicked
between the legs or if they had
changed actors.
Finally, this play’s first cast (Cast
A) treated us all to a small taste of great
up-and-coming performers. Aimee
Ambrosiak’s portrayal of Queen
Aggravain, the prince’s evil mother,
was both tasteful and reminiscent of
the Just for Laughs Festival’s green
devil. Her wild antics and innuendos
kept the crown chuckling throughout
most of the play, most likely because
she reminded them of their in-laws.
And that she is very talented. She
worked the set and her costume to her
advantage and never disappointed.
But the one performance that stole the
show was Caitlyn Milot’s playing Fred,
the not-so-princessy princess. Period.
There was no way to take your eyes
off of her once she got onstage and the
play became almost dull as we found
ourselves waiting for her next entrance, always more charming than
the next. She was fresh, down to earth
Despite medium reviews and a cool
reception from a mostly family based
fan-club, this esentation of Once Upon
A Mattress was both a, entertaining,
witty piece that makes Shakespeare
roll in his grave and a pleasant surprise. It was a light comedy with flair
that allowed us, for three hours, to forget the troubles of our daily
lives…and laugh at someone else being bossed around by their mother.
Mixed CD, Mixed Reactions
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drab; and 3) strange beyond all
possible comparisons. It seems
that slowing down songs offers the
perfect platform for making random audio squibbles repeated
over and over.
Marc Nakhleh
Student
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With a title like “Anti-Hit List”,
much is to be expected from John
Sakomoto’s seeming journey into
the world of the underground and
the slightly funky. Initially starting off as a newspaper column back
in the 1990’s, this CD, grouping
artists like “Circulatory System”,
“Ike Reilly”, delivers on its promise of compiling a diverse list of
funky-fresh hits (or, as it would be,
“anti-hits”)
The CD seems to oscillate back
and forth like this. Shawn Amos?
Boo! Sharon Jones? Yay! Broken
Arrow? boo! Youth Group? yay!
This CD only seems to have two
modes. Even though it would like
to pride itself on its diversity and
variety, it would seem that variety
comes in only two flavours: good
and fast or bad and slow. I usually
enjoy slow songs that go somewhere, or at least can be used as
lounge music. For some reason,
however, ALL the slow songs are
awkward and do not go anywhere.
It’s like they are trying to conform
in their non-conformist way...and
it’s really sucky, as one only seems
to find spice and pizzaz and (insert
third generic buzzword here) in a
select few songs where the lyrics
are whole, the music has rhythm
and the singers have flair. It seems
like I’m beating a dead horse, but
the fact of the matter is that it’s
hard to group songs or sounds together with a compilation mix.
Sadly, the CD starts off with a
unenlightening piece called “Yesterday’s World”, that sounds like a
watered-down version of funkrock groups that are already
around(I use the word “funk” a lot
because it just seems to apply so
well to the sound.) Luckily, the CD
picks up from there, with very
cheery and conceptually sound
songs such as Hip Hop Thighs #17
and American Shoes. It’s great
listenin’, and really gives one that
sense of “hey, this is good but no
one’s heard of it” that usually surrounds the better tunes on Athe
Anti-Hit List.
Sadly, most of the slower songs
on this CD are: 1) repetitive; 2)
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likely the sound they were going
for.)
...and, a general comment: the
Russian Futurists are not “quirky”.
They’re just weird. They sport a
great beat, but, like so many rap
groups out there, this does not
guarantee a good song. It seems
like wasted potential that sort of
hurts my head.
A close runner-up is “Are
Friends Electric?” by Ann Pierle.
The piano is exquisite and, unlike
most pieces, it feels like there’s an
actual song and beat to it, lying under the surface. However, the lead
singer has a slightly moany voice
that tends to get over-dramatic,
but for some reason, it doesn’t
take too-too much away from the
song. It leaves you with a unique
trinket, as opposed to the legions
of copycats or generic reproductions you find in what I guess would
be qualified as “more mainstream”
The truly outstanding group on
this CD in my opinion would be
Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings,
ll in all, I would actually say
that this CD is a good buy. One usually expects a better quality from
compilations, and I would say that
this isn’t the best of compilations,
thought it still offers enough
“oomph” and carries enough of a
cool factor to warrant listening/
buying. Too many drab songs interfere with the potential that lies
inherent in this CD. This is however a great way to be exposed to
songs and sounds that you usually
wouldn’t hear. On that note, I think
I will go find out if I can get any
more music by Dusted or Sharon
Jones.
with “What have you done for me
lately?” It’s a funky piece with
great instrument use, a fantastic
drumbeat, a crisp singer and much,
much more. It’s one of those cases
where a song is more than the sum
of its parts, as you glide along, in
rhythm with the song. And of
course, the addition of trombones
is fantastic. The guitar almost
sounds retro-70’s (which, most
2004-04-21
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Back Lash 101
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Mick Foley Introduced to the
audience, a very special friend of
his, which just so happened to be a
baseball bat, wrapped in barbed
wire. He reminisced about his
days, fighting in Japan, and how he
defeated his opponents with
barbed wire. Then he promised
that at Backlash, he would get even
with Randy Orton, for defeating
him at Wrestle Mania XX. When the
horribly unfair match between Triple H and Shelton Benjamin commenced, Mick Foley, Shawn
Micheals and Chris Benoit came to
Shelton Benjamin’s aid, regardless
of the consequences. The match
ended with Evolution being chased
from the ring, by the three heroes.
Eric Bishoff then announced that
they would have to suffer the consequences at the end of the night.
R-Prime
Staff Writer
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Monnday night Raw saw many
changes in the last two weeks, with
the coming of the lottery, ordered
by Vince McMahon. Six WWE super superstars from each WWE
brand, Raw and Smack Down, were
sent to the opposing brands. This
led to Shelton Benjamin’s arrival
to Raw. On his first night on Raw,
the four members of Evolution assaulted him, because of his “disrespectful attitude” toward Triple H.
He went to Raw’s General Manager,
Eric Bishoff, and demanded a match
against the former Heavy Weight
Champion, and won.
In retaliation, the next week
Triple H was given a rematch
against Benjamin.
A handicap match was set between Chris Jericho and Christian
and Trish
Before the match began, Ric
Flair entered the ring and announced that he was the special
guest ring announcer, and said that
by order of Eric Bishoff, anyone
that was not on official buesness,
was banned from ringside. Then he
introduced the special guest timekeeper, Batista, and the special
guest trainer, Randy Orton.
16
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Stratus. Mick Foley announced
that it would not be himself that
faces Randy
Orton, but Cactus Jack (One of
Foley’s old personas), because he
believed that “Mick Foley” would
be too concerned with Randy
Orton’s well being.
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Finally Backlash came. The
much-anticipated match between
Cacktus Jack and Randy Orton
ended, in a victory for Orton, who
retained his Intercontinental title.
Chris Jericho exacted his revenge
on his former best friend,
Christain, and former love of his
life Trish Stratus. After a long absence from the ring, Edge defeated
Kane by a pin fall. Shelton
Benjamin defeated the legendary
Ric Flair, which aggravated Evolution. Victoria defeated Lita, retaining her Woman’s championship
title. Thanks to help from Garrison
Cade, Jonathan Coachman defeated the skilled martial artist,
Tajiri. And finally, the superhero,
superstar, Hurricane and his side
kick, Rosey defeated La
from $20-$50
charges.
service
For over ten years, WWE Raw
has been the biggest Monday night
event, bigger than WCW Monday
Nitro. At the last show, over
15,000 people came, and became
part of the story, on July 7, 2003.
Now that I’ve got that out of the
way, since this is the last issue of
the year, I should probably make
my predictions for the WWE, for
the summer. Brock Lesnar will not
make it into the NFL. Randy Orton
will betray Evolution, by first taking out Ric Flair. He will then take
the heavy weight title from Triple
H, who will have won it from either
Chris Benoit, or Shawn Micheals.
Mick Foley fights Evolution, however his split personality, Cactus
Jack joins evolution. The Hurricane and Rosey become tag team
champions. Shawn Micheals and
Chris Benoit, who will then retire,
will then beat them. Kane and Victoria become an item…don’t ask
how, and for God’s sake why…but
they do, and they burry the Undertaker alive. Vince McMahon finally
makes peace with his kids; Shane
and Stephanie McMahon, who take
over as General managers of Raw
and Smack Down.
Résistance, in a tag team match.
On a completely unrelated
topic, WWE Monday Night Raw is
coming to Montreal! May 31 st , over
twenty five WWE Superstars, like
The Hurricane, Triple H, the rest
of Evolution (even though they are
not that important), Kane, Chris
Benoit, and the Texas Rattlesnake
“Stone Cold” Steve Austin. Tickets
go on sale April 24 th , at 10:00 am
at all admission outlets, and the
Bell Centre Box office. Tickets are
bandersnatch
plus
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Gambit
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arts
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A traveler in a foreign land,
Dylan Mckernan-Milon
Contributor
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I have been forsaken by the one I
trust
Darkness in front of me,
The shadow of death looms over
my path
They drink my blood and eat my
flesh but in the end, I am all
alone
A moment of acute pain
The world’s burden will be placed
upon my shoulders,
but for eternity, I shall be free
It’s for you I live and for you I die
In front of me a desolate morsel
upon my plate,
The very same rejection and
loneliness destined to me
A destitute tide shall wash over
my very being,
A moment all alone
But when the waters wash away
a treasure will be left upon the
empty
sands
One so great that the whole world
may bask in it’s riches
Tim Armstrong
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Sabrina Paternostro
Contributor
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Kathleen Stanhope
Staff Artist
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Last Meal
Sabrina Paternostro
Contributor
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Pheonix
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2004-04-21
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17
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arts
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A
Festering
Evil
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Evelyne Elenora
Contributor
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Everyone you’ve met
Everywhere you’ve been
All together woven
Every experience
Each individual thought
All bound in one
Throughout our lives
We create a tapestry
One that encompasses our being
It is a map of an entire life
Only to be one day buried
With the flesh of our own carcass.
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Anna Valentine
Contributor
Funeral
Parlor
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Tapestry
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Chris
That darkened blade is man,
And all his glory…
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Well, good news folks! The year is
almost over, and I've barely started
most of my projects ;P. That also
means that this semesters'
Slanderbatch will be encased in this
issue! So, don't miss it! Hope you like
it! Long live the Red Mage!
The blackened blade,
The treacherous thing,
That killed its mother,
Its reason for existence,
The earth,
With a fatal wound,
One that,
Festers,
Burns,
It screams and cries,
Until it is oblivion itself.
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The eerily beautiful blue flame,
Burns the darkened blade,
Makes it bleed black droplets of
blood,
Onto the platform,
The skin of the earth,
It flickers,
Falters,
As it slowly dies away,
Like all that surrounds it,
Into the abyss that is nothingness.
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Editors'
Note:
Evelyne Elenora
Contributor
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Evelyne Elenora
Contributor
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I have been here too many times,
The first I was here was one too often,
Watching all of those I took for
granted,
Get taken away from me forever,
Severe punishments I have received,
For the dishonesties within me,
Perhaps I deserved these tragedies,
But the many others here do not,
The priceless casket disappears,
Into the sunset of another fraction of
my life,
I have lived too long by seeing this
many,
Although I have not existed for long,
Rest in peace forever my beloveds,
It shall be long before I join you,
For until I am filled with innocence,
My punishments must persist.
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Andrew Cote
Veteran
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bandersnatch
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games
2004-04-21
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games
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Splinter Cell 2: Pandora Tomorrow
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great voice acting, and one could really see him as the uber-secret agent
he is supposed to be. But it’s the game
play, however, that is the highlight of
Pandora Tomorrow.
Zili Wang
Photographics Coordinator
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One of the most popular Xbox
games is now available on the PC with
much fanfare and flashing colors. Indeed, the second installment of the
wildly successful game has been received quite well amongst old (and
new) fans – and some may even say
it’s better than the original.
For those who liked titles
like Thief, or Hitman, this game would
be nothing short of a godsend to gaming. While there are quite a variety of
weapons in Fisher’s arsenal, it is ultimately stealth that is your best friend
and weapon. The lighting effects are
great, letting you see the various shadows in which you could melt into, and
equally impressive looking fog effects.
You could peek around corners, fire
distractions to get the guards off in a
different direction, crawl under high
grass unnoticed, shoot out the lights
in a room (heheh…), and even crawl
under a moving train, or scale a tall
building. But the stealth feats you
could accomplish tend to make you
feel a bit, well, overpowered. I mean,
Once again, you play Sam
Fisher, the splinter cell. You work for
a top-secret government organization
which (in typical Tom Clancy style)
works to eliminate high tech terrorist
threats; and of course, the world’s fate
is in America’s – or your – hands.
Story wise, it is quite faithful to Tom
Clancy’s thrillers – full with Hollywood worthy suspense, action, and
special effects. Fisher himself is also
more developed as a character, with
cellent, and you would never guess it’s
a port from a console game. Despite
the rather sad fact that you seem to
be invisible as long as you are in some
sort of shadow, guards do carry flashlights, could turn on lights,
and could hear you if you
move too fast – and they do
notice you if you are not
quick enough when crawling
past that window outside the
train; the game could be a
challenge in various areas,
and would offer hours of
solid game play. Online, you
could play with up to 3 other
players in a 2 vs 2 mission,
where you are either the spy
trying to infiltrate a building, or the mercenary hired to guard
it. All in all, the game’s as great a
stealth game you’ll likely to come
across these days, so if you are the
roguish type – go for it.
if you could walk so close to a guard
that you could kick him in the face,
and be unnoticed just because you are
in high grass, or if you are going into a
room with guards and are not seen just
because there are some
shadows lying about,
you tend to feel a bit
like a cheater. However,
I must admit that the
stealth system works a
lot better than Thief, or
Thief 2 (in which you
could shoot a guard,
and they won’t notice
you because you are by
the
doorway
and
there’s a shadow over
it). Problem with stealth
games is that it makes you think shadows make you invisible.
Nevertheless, the game’s a
thrill to play, both single player, or
online. The controls for the PC are ex-
The Windwaker
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all thought had been forever sealed
away by the hero...Once again crept
forth from the depths of the earth, eager to resume its dark designs.
R. Prime
Staff Writer
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This is but one of the legends of
which the people speak... Long ago,
there existed a kingdom where a
golden power lay hidden. It was a
prosperous land, blessed with green
forests, tall mountains, and peace. But
one day, a man of great evil found the
golden power and took it for himself...
With its strength at his command, he
spread darkness across the kingdom.
But then, when all hope had died, and
the hour of doom seemed at hand...A
young boy clothed in green appeared
as if from nowhere. Wielding the sword
of evil’s bane, he sealed the dark one
away and gave the land light. This boy,
who traveled through time to save the
land, was
called the
Hero of
T i m e .
The boy’s
tale was
passed
d o w n
through
generations until it became legend.But then... a day
came when a fell wind began to blow
across the kingdom.The great evil that
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But the Hero did not appear. Faced
by an onslaught of evil, the people
could do nothing but appeal to the
Gods. In their last hour, as doom drew
near, they left their future in the hands
of fate.What became of that kingdom...? None remain who know. The
memory of the kingdom vanished, but
its legend survived on the wind’s
breath. On a certain island, it became
customary to garb young boys in
green when they came of age. Clothed
in the green of fields, they aspired to
find heroic blades and cast down evil.
The elders wished only for the youths
to know courage like the hero of
legend...What became of that kingdom...? None remain
who
know.
The
memory of the kingdom vanished, but its
legend survived on the
wind’s breath. On a certain island, it became
customary to dress
young boys in green
when they came of age.
Clothed in the green of fields, they
aspired to find heroic blades and cast
down evil. The elders wished only for
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the youths to know courage like the
hero of legend...”
Finally the third istallment of my
reviews of the current Legend of Zelda
trilogy. We find a young boy, Link,
who is not the Link from the last two
games but just someone who just so
happens to be named Link, living on
Outset island. He is awakened by his
sister Aryell, who tells him it is his
birthday, and that his grandmother
wants to see him. So he runs to his
house and is greeted by his grandmother, who hands him green garments. She tells him that he has
reached the age of the hero of legend,
the original Link, and is now considered a man. She tells him to wear the
green clothes for that day. He meets
with Orca, an old man, skilled in the
art of battle, who gives him a sword,
and teaches him how to use it. He goes
to find his sister, who gives him her
most precious possession, her telescope. Looking through the telescope, he sees a giant bird holding a
girl. Under, there is a pirate ship,
fireing its cannons at the bird. The
bird gets hit and drops the girl into a
forest. So Link goes to find the girl in
the forest, and when he does, she is
nothing but rude to him. She is Tetra,
the leader of the pirates. When they
leave the forest, Link sees the bird
grab his sister and fly away. She is
bandersnatch
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taken to the Forsaken Fortress to
be imprisoned with
other young girls .
So, he embarks on
a new adventure to
save his sister. But
he realizes that to
save his sister, he must defeat the
mighty Ganondorf and....oh yeah,
save the world.
This is a good game to begin with.
When I first saw the graphics, I did not
like the idea of Link being in cartoon
form, but it grew on me. With the more
cartooney feel, I found it was easier
for the designers to add comic relief
as well as facial expressions. The
storyline
started
well,
but
unfortunatly, as it went on, it really
started to lack explanations for certain things. My biggest problem was
the boat. Not the fact that you had to
sail every where, or the fact that it was
a talking boat possessed by the King
of Hyrule, but the name...King of Red
Lions: they could have come up with
a better name than that. But I think
that this storyline compliments the
ending of Ocarina of Time rather well,
where Ganondorf swears to seek revenge on Link and on Zelda’s
decendants. All in all, this game was
an excellent addition to the Zelda
mithology.
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sports
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Post-Season Fans Common Hab-ening
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ens of others who see their interest
in hockey, like some kind of phoenix, resurfaces in all its splendour
around playoffs time.
Marc Nakhleh
Post-season Fan
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The last couple of weeks have ushered in the beginning of the Playoff
season for the NHL. I am not what
one would call a “hockey fan” per se.
I did not watch a single game during
the regular season, I do not own a
hockey jersey, I do not know the
Habs’ goalie by any name other then
“Theo”, I cannot name every instance where the Canadiens were
“robbed”...call this the anti-Habs
creed. However, even with all this
said, and with the obvious indifference that I experience 99% of the
year, I, like many people I know,
come alive when the playoffs come
along. All of a sudden, everything’s
different.
What explains this crazy interest that
comes out of nowhere?
Maybe it’s because, during
the regular season, a loss
doesn’t mean too much.
Specific match-ups can be
something to look forward
to, but are not the makings
of epic games. Points can be
made up. However, when
you make your way to the
finals, EVERY shot, EVERY
single pass or penalty
counts because there’s no
recouping when you get
here. Rivalries that matter
very little, or at least not
that much, during the season surface
and are exacerbated to the point
where, unfortunately, we find some
people booing the other team’s national anthem before games. Every
person is tuned in for every second
because, as mentioned, every sec-
“Hey, did you see that last play? That
was SUCH a foul!”, “We wasted so, so
many power plays pointlessly yesterday”, etc. All of a sudden, the
hockey fan in me comes out and I’m
welcomed back into the flock by doz-
ond counts. And we all feel good at
being able to associate ourselves
with something that’s bigger than us,
that represents us on a bigger stage.
And the more people that start
watching during the playoffs, the
more people come onboard
so that everyone can share
in the identity and know
what’s going on. It's sort of
the
“Follower’s
Syndrome.”
When
the
Canadiens win, we all win
because we’re Canadian.
Great logic, huh? We all feel
a sense of belonging, as we
take on some “other” team
and beat them into the
ground, or become incensed as we lose due to
some stupid error or errors. We feel a sense of
unity as we stand opposed to others.
I mean, we say that we have an intense rivalry with Toronto, but we're
also supposed to have one with most
American franchise teams (from
what I gather)…although Boston is
supposed to be “our arch nemesis”.
As a friend put it, it’s more a matter
of beating up anybody who falls on
our path. We beat a first-ranked
team? “Damn straight, go underdogs!” We beat a low-ranked team?
“Yeah, they had it coming, no one
can stand in our way”
We’re all recruited 24 hours a day to
be patriotic in our own way. And, for
some reason, it seems as if there is
more attention fixated on the Canadians’ playoff games than the last little while when even my hockey
friends weren’t very much interested. It may have to do with the
group of friends I kept or it may
have to do with the Canadians’ performance in the last 2 years. It could
be both, or also neither. All I know
is that just about everyone I turn to
these days is ready to chat about the
uncalled penalties, the back-up goalie’s chances and anything else related to the game. It’s strange how a
game, with a local franchise that was
almost wiped out, can create such a
feeling of belonging in the people
around you.
COOL QUOTE: San Jose Sharks coach
Ron Wilson on 2001 German rookie
Marcel Goc: “He was as cool as a cucumber out there. I was a little worried about how he’d handle the atmosphere, but he had no problems.”
Well, this is the last Grab Bag of this
semester, of this year, and for a while,
assuming, of course, I graduate on
time. Hope you guys enjoy all the
playoff talk!
tory for the Canucks, besting the 28:58
of overtime at Chicago on April 27,
1982.
MEANER STREAK: Calgary snapped a
10-game home winless streak against
Vancouver (0-7-2-0) to evened the
first-round series at two games apiece
with a 4-0 win in Game 4. It was also
the Flames’ first home playoff win
since a 5-0 victory over San Jose on
May 15, 1995.
GOOD CALL: Ottawa captain Daniel
Alfredsson after the Senators’ 2-0 loss
to Toronto and the Maple Leafs take a
3-2 series lead:”You haven’t seen the
last of us yet. We’re going to force this
to Game 7 and come in here next Tuesday and win this series.”
DOUBLE TAKE: The Tampa Bay Lightning beat the New York Islanders in
five games to advance to the second
round for the second straight year and
the second time in team history.
RETIRED SOLDIER: Igor Larionov has
decided to say goodbye to the world
of professional hockey. The 43 year
old was the oldest player to compete
in the NHL this past season. He will
bid his original fans goodbye in a farewell exhibition in Moscow next December.
POINTS IN TIME: Ed Belfour made 44
saves in the Toronto Maple Leaf’s 2-1
double-overtime loss to the Ottawa
Senators. Belfour shut out the Senators in Games 2, 3, and 5, and held
Ottawa scoreless for the first two periods in Game 6, until Zdeno Chara
scored 4:55 into the third.The Senators’ Mike Fisher then scored at 1:47
into double overtime to give Ottawa a
2-1 victory.
MEAN STREAK: The Vancouver
Canucks blew a 4-0 lead but got a goal
from Brendan Morrison at 2:28 of the
third overtime period for a 5-4 win at
Calgary in Game 6, forcing a Game 7
of the first-round series. It was the
longest playoff game in franchise his○
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Ed's Note
with Naila Jinnah
TAXES FOR DRAFT? The NHL draft is
coming to Raleigh at a cost of about
$150,000 to the Carolina Hurricanes
hockey club. Rumor has it that they
are going to request that the state
cover these expenses. In other words,
the citizens of North Carolina are financing the NHL Entry Draft.
Well, the Bandersnatch production
year has come to an end. Hopefully you
have all enjoyed your Sports reads. I'm
sure that I didn't please everyone with
my article selections, but I had to make
do with what I had available to me. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately!), I
will not be joining all of you wonderful
people next year, as I am graduating.
However, I know that whomever is
elected to take over the Sports Section
will do a most excellent job. Otherwise,
why would they get elected?
FIRSTS: The Montreal Canadiens’
Game 7 win against the Boston Bruins
marks the first time in 50 years that
the Canadiens have forced a Game 7
after trailing a series 3-1. In 1954,
Montreal rallied back from the deficit
to eventually lose to the Red Wings in
Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals in
Detroit. Also, Canadiens goalie Jose
Theodore earned his first career
playoff shutout with his team's 2-0
win.
I'd like to thank all of you for your submission, and encourage you to submit
your articles, comments, suggestions
and
the
like
to
bandersnatch@johnabbott.qc.ca or in
the main office in H-041. Although I
won't be there, the next editor would be
delighted to hear more about what his
or her readers want and are expecting.
Elections for the editor and any other
open positions will take place on Tuesday, April 27, 2004 in H-033A
(Herzberg basement). I hope a lot of you
non-graduating folk will show up and
show support for your school's activities.
NO LAUGHING MATTER: Nashville
Predator’s Steve Sullivan on goalie
Tomas Vokoun, who made 41 saves in
the Game 4 3-0 win over Detroit that
tied the first-round series at two games
a piece:”I think he’s got some kind of
plexiglass behind him no one can see.”
Enjoy the rest of your CEGEP experience!
"To you from failing hands we throw
the torch. Be yours to hold it high."
2004-04-21
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2003-2004 ATHLETIC AWARD WINNERS
PROVINCIAL CHAMPIONS
Women’s Volleyball
REGIONAL CHAMPIONS
Men’s Rugby
Women’s Rugby
Women’s Volleyball
Swim Team (Men, Women & Combined)
ETHIQUE SPORTIF
Women’s Volleyball
Women’s Hockey
Women’s Rugby
PROVINCIAL FINALISTS
Men’s Soccer
Women’s Soccer
Tennis
LEAGUE CHAMPIONS
Swimming
Women’s Volleyball
LEAGUE AWARDS
CCAA ALL CANADIANS
Jamie Scholefield - Men’s Soccer
Maia Lawson - Women’s Soccer
Megan McClements - Women’s Soccer
ALL STARS
Baseball
Ronald Snell
Women’s Basketball
Catherine Parent
Football
Steve Holness
Louis-Pierre Clement
Tom Kuchiran
Philippe Patrick Lalonde
Flag Football
Lauren Burns
Alicia Suchorski
Connie Reid
Men’s Soccer
Jamie Scholefield
Justin Sabini
Steve Jones
Nick Hainault
Women’s Soccer
Megan McClements
Maia Lawson
Erin Rayner-Hartley
Men’s Rugby
Andrij Ferguson
Justin Palmer
Women’s Rugby
Melissa Dardel
Chelsea Privée
Tennis
Julien Grimard
Men’s Volleyball
Sandy Thomson
Women’s Volleyball
Marie-France Chartier
Jennifer Thomson
SPORT ETUDIANT
Rikki Bowles - Women’s Basketball
Nickolas Pronovost - Men’s Basketball
Timothy Rossy - Football
CCAA ACADEMIC ALL-CANADIANS
Jamie Scholefield - Men’s Soccer
Justin Sabini - Men’s Soccer
Maia Lawson - Women’s Soccer
Megan McClements - Women’s Soccer
Erin Rayner-Hartley - Women’s Soccer
Flag Football
Most Valuable Player - O Alicia
Suchorski
Most Improved Player Marie-Noelle
Beauleiu
Team Player Lauren Burns
Most Valuable Player – D Connie Reid
Football
Jonathan Ruiter Memorial Team Player
Award – Alex Bussandri
Most Valuable Lineman Marc-Andre
Paquin
Most Valuable Player Tom Kuchiran
Top Rookie Ryan Kastner
Golf Team
Most Valuable Player – male Jerome
Cavanagh
Most Valuable Player – Female Krista
Bulow
Men’s Basketball
Most Valuable Player Nickolas
Pronovost
Most Improved Player Isaac Eniojukan
Top Rookie Donovan Weekes
Men’s Rugby
Most Improved Player Andre Troke
Most Valuable Player Chris Caza Pugh
Team Player Michael Kerklaan
Top Rookie Bryce Thomassin
Men’s Soccer
Most Valuable Player Jamie Scholefield
Most Improved Player Stephane Gow
Top Rookie Gabriel Lorrain
Men’s Volleyball
Most Valuable Player Sandy Thomson
Most Improved Player Kreg Millar
Top Rookie Brian Gariepy
Swim Team
Most Improved Player - male James
Chan
Most Improved Player - female Kate
Stephens
Most Valuable Player - male – Mike
Schuepp Memorial Award Matt
Larocque
Most Valuable Player - female Heather
Chance
Tennis Team
Player Robert D’Amico
Most Valuable Player- male J.F. Talbot
Most Improved Player Stephanie
Petizian
Women’s Basketball
Most Valuable Player Catherine Parent
Top Rookie Anna Crosby
Most Improved Player Thuy-Dan Ho
Women’s Hockey
Top Rookie Donna Ringrose
Most Valuable Player Mary Maglieri
Team Player Chelsea Privee
Women’s Rugby
Team Player Emma Stevens
Most Valuable Player Melany Waring
Top Rookie Morgan Roberts
Women’s Soccer
Most Valuable Player Megan
McClements
Most Improved Player Genevieve
Gosselin
Top Rookie Jessie Yale
Men’s Volleyball
Most Valuable Player Jennifer
Thomson
Most Improved Player Ashley Trainor
Team Player Melissa Coré
TEAM AWARDS
Baseball
Most Valuable Player Scott Cebula
Most Improved Player Adam Recine
Top Rookie James Vardy
22
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He has been team captain the past 2 years
and team MVP this season. He was named
CCAA All-Canadian for the second time
and was CCAA Athlete of the Month in
October of 2003. Playing the centre
midfielder position he scored 22 goals in
35 games in his 3 year career at John
Abbott during which the Islanders have
been provincial finalists all 3 years. According to his coach, he has been the
“team”, its heart, its soul and its conscience. There was not a player in the entire league that worked harder or had a
better attitude. Outstanding Performance, JAMIE SCHOLEFIELD.
She won 5 gold medals in division 1 at the
regional swim championships and 4 golds
and a silver at the provincial championships in Sorel. She was not defeated in any
individual race while competing for John
Abbott this season. Named the Most Valuable Swimmer on her team by her coaches
and teammates, she led the Islanders to yet
another regional title and a second place
finish at the provincials. She is fiercely determined and very committed to swimming
and has outstanding leadership skills and
enthusiasm. She provides great team spirit.
She has also qualified for upcoming club
team national championships. Outstanding
Performance, HEATHER CHANCE.
A team captain in their first year at
John Abbott, she led the Lady Islanders
to their first provincial title in 12 years.
She was unanimous selection to the
league all-star team and has played for
the John Abbott collegiate, juvenile and
junior teams. Throughout this incredible season she had led the team in kills,
service reception and aces. The college
team dominated the CEGEP volleyball
league this season winning 33 of 36
matches. Along with winning the provincial title, the Lady Islanders were
also league champions, regional champions, Edouard-Montpetit Invitational
Champions and Ethic Sportif winners.
Outstanding
performance by a rookie
JENNIFER THOMSON.
He has been a leader on and off the football
field and with his fellow team-mates during his 2 year stay at John Abbott. He was a
team captain this season and 1 of the major
reasons that the Islanders had the number
1 ranked defence during the regular season. He is a genuine throwback to the old
style football player; he is hard nosed, persistent, a fierce tackler, incredible pursuit
and determination to get the job done and a
student of the game. He does not need to be
highly visible on the field of battle, more
importantly, he brings his great team attitude and hard work ethic to each and every
game. He was selected unanimously as a
league all-star at the linebacker position by
the opposing coaches. He was second in the
league with 73.5 tackles and led the Islanders in fumble recoveries. Outstanding Performance,
T
O
M
KUCHIRAN.
bandersnatch
After having played with the Quebec Junior rugby program last summer, he was
determined to make a quick and immediate impact as a rookie for the men’s rugby
program. Having to compete with solid
veterans players for a starting position,
he worked hard before, during and after
each practice to develop his skills further.
This led to a starting to a starting position
as the team’s scrum-half in the playoffs,
as well as, becoming 1 of the team’s leading tacklers and scorer with 33 points in
9 games. His performance was instrumental in the Islanders winning their
10th straight provincial title. Outstanding Performance by a rookie, BRYCE
THOMASSIN.
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sports shots
Montreal
Canadiens Richard
Zednik and Boston
Bruins defenseman
Sergei Gonchar
collide over the
puck in first period
action of Game 7.
Los Angeles Lakers’ Rick Fox
Philadelphia Flyers’ goalie Sean Burke grabs ahold
and Houston Rockets’ Yao
of Ottawa Senators’ Daniel Alfredsson as he tries
Ming battle for a rebound
to skate away after crashing into the net. No
during the second quarter of
penalty was called on the play.
their first-round Western
Conference NBA playoff game.
Calgary Flames Ville
Nieminen, takes Vancouver
Canucks Bryan Allen head
first into the boards in game
seven of their playoff series
Monday April 19, 2004.
Nieminen was penalized two
minutes for boarding.
Memphis Grizzlies forward
Bo Outlaw fouls San
Montreal Expos shortstop Orlando Cabrera drops
Antonio Spurs forward Tim
the throw to second base as New York Mets’ Mike
Duncan during the first
Cameron advances safely from first on a ground
quarter in Game 2 of the
ball hit by Eric Valent. Cameron later scored on a
NBA Western Conference
double by Ricky Gutierrez.
Playoffs.
scoreboard
JOHN ABBOTT SPRING CAMPS
11:00am – 12:30pm
1:30pm
Barbeque
In preparation for the fall season,
John Abbott College will host Spring
Camps in football, women’s soccer
and men’s basketball.
All interested players who have applied to John Abbott for the fall of
2004 can call Steve Shaw at 457-6610
ext. 5324 for more information.
Lady Islanders soccer coach, Kevin
McConnell, is holding a spring tryout and information session on Friday April 23 from 6:00 to 7:30pm.
The session will take place in the
gymnasium and everyone who is interested in trying out for the team is
invited to attend.
WOMEN’S VOLLEYBALL JUVENILE PROVINCIALS
Playing in Provincial Juvenile Championships in Dorion-Vaudreuil, the
John Abbott team played very well
and improved their provincial ranking from 11th to 7th. After finishing
second in their round robin pool the
Lady Islanders defeated Terrebonne
27-25, 21-25, 15-8 to qualify for the
playoffs on Saturday. Jennifer
Thomson led the way with 20 kills and
a service reception of 2.90 out of 3.00
and Jackie Hertner had a service reception of 2.75 and 1 ace.
New men’s basketball coach Scott
Mawhinney will host a one day
Spring Camp on campus on Saturday,
May 8 starting at 9:00am. The day
will include fitness testing in the
morning and a scrimmage in the afternoon.
Coach Dennis Waide and his newly
revamped coaching staff will conduct their annual Spring Camp on
May 7-9. The entire Spring Camp will
take place on campus with the following schedule:
Friday, May 7
6:00pm – 8:00pm
Practice
Saturday, May 8
10:00am – 12:00pm
2:00pm – 4:30pm
Practice
Practice
Sunday, May 9
10:00am – 11:00am
Practice
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Spring game
On Saturday they lost to number 1,
Celtic, 15-25, 19-25 and then turned
around and defeated number 3
Cararough (Rive-Sud) 25-21, 30-28.
In the 2 matches Thomson had 21 kills
and against Cararough Sofia Marques
had 5 kills.
Thomson had 10 kills, a service reception of 2.25, 2 stuffs and an ace in a
23-25, 19-25 loss to Beauce. Melissa
Cote had a service reception of 2.21.
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2004-04-21
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