Issue1 - John Abbott College

Volume XXXIV Issue12
Teaching fish how to fly since 1971
HURRICANE KATRINA: THE AFTERMATH
Lindsay Cotton
Contributor
At 6:10 AM, on August 29 th ,
2005, Hurricane Katrina made landfall
as a category 4 hurricane near Grand
Isle, Louisiana. As of 1:30AM of the
following day, three levees are breached
and over 80% of New Orleans is underwater. By then over 30 000 evacuees
have taken refuge in New Orleans’
Superdome with only enough food to
last for 36 hours. President Bush has
assigned Micheal D. Brown, head of
FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency, more commonly known
as the Under Secretary of Emergency
Preparedness and Response) to aid
those who have suffered in the aftermath of the devastating hurricane.
Since Mr. Brown’s appointment,
many questions have been raised about
the way the American government has
dealt with the catastrophe. Why had it
taken the government so long to respond to those in need? At the fifth
day after the hurricane hit Louisiana,
there had yet to be a massive airdrop
of food and water to assist those who
were trapped inside the Superdome.
After the horrific tsunami ravaged
Southern Asia, sur vivors in Banda
Aceh, Indonesia, were able to receive
food and water within two days of the
disaster. Why was there such a lack
of communication within the
FEMA organization? The head of
FEMA admitted that he had only
learned about the execrable conditions
of the tens of thousands of people
living inside the Superdome through
the media. It took those in charge until September 4 th to completely evacuate the survivors of the lamentable
Superdome. The most important
question of all is why the government is so ill prepared to face such
a catastrophe, and why the rescue
measures are so tardy? On September 9 th, Micheal Chertoff, the head of
This Issue:
My Two Cents: Page 4
Rantification Page 5
First and foremost I’d like to
welcome everyone back to JAC.
Another year for the most of
us and an intro to life for
the rest. Now before I begin
I’d like to make the following
promises (to be broken later).
Welcome back psychos! I hope you enjoyed yours summer and spent many hours
roasting yourself out in the sun causing great
skin damage and premature ageing. Unless you
used sunscreen, in which case, good for you,
you roxors my boxors! Now, onto the ranting. There are things in this world that are considered unlawful by the system that I find particularly holy. Throughout this summer I have
been mentally exploring the different acts that
are lightly illegal and forming opinions and
theories about them. This has boiled down
to me to jack and all this summer besides sitting on my arse…
The Oval: Page 2
Photography 101: Page 6
Game Reviews: Page 7
Music Reviews: Page 8
Today in Bander History:
Page 11
News................................................2
Campus.........................................3
Arts...................................................6
Games............................................7
Entertainment............................8
Opinion........................................10
Wet Ink Page 4
Hello Abbotters! Welcome back to
school! I’m sure you’re all very excited
to be back in class! Ya right! Unfortunately summer is gone and although
there are certain things that you can’t
do now that you’re back in school, fortunately sex isn’t one of them! I’m sure
(or at least I hope) that you’ve all had
some new sexual experiences this summer, but none of us know it all so
thankfully there’s still lots to discuss.
For those of you who are new or who
have never read this article before, basically every week I’ll be talking about
something pertaining to sex. I’m very
open minded so although some people may find this article offense in my
point of view I’m just telling it like is
and you can choose to agree or not.
the Department of Homeland Security,
removed Michael Brown from his duties as supervisor of the Hurricane
Katrina relief effort and replaced him
with Thad W. Allen, the chief of staff
of the United States Coast Guard. This
abrupt change of power came only one
week after President Bush praised Mr.
Brown for his great work and expertise.
Beside this obvious lack of organization within the American government itself, many believe there are
ulterior motives for the tardiness in aid.
There is speculation that the source of
this extremely slow reaction time is the
social background of New Orleans; over
25% of all residents and at least 40%
of New Orleans’ children are living at
or below the poverty line.
Many people in a position to speak
are condemning President Bush’s government once again, but none more so
then Kanye West. During NBC’s “Concert for Hurricane Relief ’” on September 2 nd, he went off script and went on
to say: “I hate the way they portray us
in the media. When we see a black family, they say they’re looting and when
we see a white family, they say they’re
looking for food. (…) We realise that a
lot of the people that could help are
out war right now and fighting another
way (…) they have even given permission to go down and shoot us.” To
conclude he states: “ George Bush does
not care about black people”. These
very powerful statements created an uproar of controversy and made many
analyze the approach taken by the
American government.
In Canada, many have offered
all the help they can muster. The provincial government of Canada has donated $5 million to the Hurricane
Katrina fund and many have followed
suit, such as the government of Nova
Scotia, who has donated $100 000.
Many provinces have also offered to
shelter those affected by the hurricane
and have even donated cots, mattresses
and other items useful to those who
have lost their homes. The federal government has also sent help in the form
of vessels, as well as divers to retrieve
the bodies of those who have perished.
To aid those in need please feel free
to contact the Red Cross who are still
accepting donations. You may contact
them
via
Internet
at
WWW.REDCROSS.ORG or by this
toll-free phone line 1-800-HELPNOW.
Every issue of
Bandersnatch has something that makes
it special. For example, Issue 4 of last
year was one of the most stressful productions we ever had. Everything was
going wrong, from technical difficulties
to late contributions. It was the first time
we printed the “Wet Ink” column...no,
no, not the one with the infamous banana, the one before it, when we didn’t
even know we were calling it Wet Ink.
Until about 11:30 that night, it was just
the sex column. The whole night, the
editors were racking their brains over how
they were going to find content...they had
more important things to worry about
than the name of something that was
only about 300 words, and would fill just
and that was final. It was also
the issue we reported on the
changes to the CRC, which lead
to interviews with Academic
Dean Allister Thorne, as well as
with members of the student
union. There was an article on
the Decentralization of
CEGEPS, an article about the
“Mysterious Sainte-Anne
Jeep”, an opinion piece on cell
phones ringing in classrooms,
a feature on the Talent/Variety
Show “Temptation”, and a look at artists and groups like Velvet Trench, David
Hodges, DJ Mana, and Kobayashi.
a quarter of a page, when we collectively
had to fill 16 pages.
At least Jay Newcomen, who was
the Entertainment Editor at the time,
and I were working on it. He had suggested that the title contain the word
“Wet” in it...both of us cracked jokes back
and forth, until finally, dead tired, and
stressed to my limits, I looked up and
said the following: “Wet...Ink”. Jay just
looked at me, and said; “That’s pretty
good man”. Excited, I tried to call up
Julia Dovings (the writer at the time) on
her cell phone, to ask her if this was acceptable. I didn’t get a hold of her...and
at the time, I didn’t really care much either. The column was called “Wet Ink”,
With all the problems we encountered, we were all convinced that that
issue would be terrible. But it wasn’t. In
fact, it was one of the best, if not the
best issue we ran last year. But every issue has a story like that. For instance, for
issue 2 of that year, the writer who does
“Off the Top Rope”, R-Prime, was asked
what his article was to be called. He looked
at Ben Wald, who was the temporary editor of that section, and said, “Type the
following characters”. Eventually the title was “HHH, Y2J, HBK”. There were
also the arguments over the headline on
the front page, and whether or not
“American
Politics Heats up” was grammatically
correct.
There was Issue 7, when we ran the
article in Slanderbatch called “Dean Does
Dastardly Deed”, and got Allister
Thorne to pose with a Superman doll.
There were frisbee reviews, Slanderbatch
issues, reviews, news reports, opinions
pieces, and columns.
This issue is no exception. This
is my first issue as Editor-in-Chief, an
issue where we have only five Executives
working on the paper, and are at the same
time training new students to take positions here. As I sit here at this computer,
typing this Editor’s note, and reminiscing about the success of past issues, I
wonder if the next fourteen issues could
compare to the last. Then I remember
that I have an amazing staff, right now,
and I look at the people who want to
join, and I ask that question again. The
answer is; they will be better.
10 Cents of Gasoline, Please?
Jay Dubeau
Campus Editor
“Don’t bother, for that price it’s on the
house,” the guy responded as he went back
into the Petro-Canada, following an interrogation of why I had just pumped ten cents
worth of gasoline in my car. This was my
beginning touch to a protest which took place
on Sunday, September 11 in the major cities
of the Northern Laurentians.
Participating cities included MontTremblant, St-Jerome, St-Faustin, Ste-Adèle,
Ste-Agathe and any major northern city. As
announced on the local radio station 101.3
CIME FM Tremblant, drivers were encouraged to gas at any Petro-Canada, Esso or Shell
station and put in between three and ten cents
of gasoline, take all the time in the world to
clean their windshields, check their oil, check
their windshield washer fluid and basically
Editor-in-Chief
Robert J. Briza
News Editor
Open
Campus Life Editor
Jason Dubeau
Opinion Editor
Li Kennedy
Entertainment Editor
Open
Sports Editor
Open
Arts Editor
Open
Assistant Editor-in-Chief
Open
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there is a specific minimum purchase.
“You’re not hurting the big guys, you’re
hurting the little guys who can’t afford to get
screwed over,” spat one of the owners of the
Petro-Canada I went to that morning. The
fact is that yes, we are indeed hurting the little
guys, but if we can hurt the little guys long
enough for them to become annoyed they
will begin complaining to the big corporate
giants such as Petro-Canada, Shell, and Esso.
If the big guys become annoyed, they in turn
will begin making pressures on the world
petroleum market, the real guys behind the
gasoline prices.
According to CIME FM Tremblant, if
the said protest works out as well in the
Laurentians as they anticipate, it may just
domino and spill over into the metropolis
such as Montreal and surrounding areas.
I was unable to get statements from anybody, however I was informed later that day
by a reliable source that after I had left, net-
hold up the line; The key part of the entire
protest however, was to pay for that ten cents
of gasoline with their CREDIT CARD.
Furthermore, the entire point of
protestors taking their time at the pump is to
discourage anybody who is really interested
in filling up and to get them annoyed so that
they decide to pack up and leave.
For some people who aren’t aware, businesses are charged something like a dollar and
fifty cents every time they have to use their
Interac machine for debit or a credit card. By
putting in only ten cents of gas, stations get
frustrated because they are charged about fifteen times that amount in administration fees,
thus making the purchase cost them more
than the value of the purchase. That, ladies
and gentlemen, is where this protest hurts
them because consumer-protection laws state
that gas stations are not allowed to refuse to
process our purchases with credit cards unless they have a very legible sign up saying
Office Manager
Open
Production Manager
Trevor Smith
Foreign Languages Editor
Open
Games Page Editor
Blayne Bradley
Webmaster
Open
bandersnatch
working began taking place between gas stations and soon everybody was doing it, ten
cents of gas, checking oil, windshield wiper
fluid, and then paying with credit card.
People may think anybody crazy enough
to spend nearly half an hour at the gas pump
just to pay ten cents worth of gas with a
credit card have too much time on their hands,
but when one thinks about it, it really doesn’t
take long to do and the results are so worth
it, you might get entertaining looks and comments from the owners and at the same time
you are part of the movement to lower the
gas prices.
September eleventh is nearly considered
a national day of mourning for the World
Trade Center collapse, and after last Sunday, it
will be a provincial day of mourning for Gasoline stations who were screwed over by
protestors!
BANDERSNATCH - John Abbott College - P.O. Box 2000
Sainte-Anne-de-Bellevue, QC - H9X 3L9
Phone: (514) 457-6610 Ext 5389 - Fax: (514) 457-6091 - Office: H-041
bandersnatch@johnabbott.qc.ca
Bandersnatch is the student-run Alternative Press at John Abbott College. It is published every
two weeks and is partially funded by the Student Activities Commitee and by advertising
solicited members. Submissions are welcome in traditionally either English or French and
become property of the newspaper. Submissions must be on an IBM compatible diskette along
with a printed hard copy and MUST be in Text Format (*.txt) or RichText Format (*.RTF). All
submissions must include the full name and telephone number of the contributor, as well as
the e-mail address if applicable. The staff reserves the right to reject or edit any submissions for
length, legality, or clarity. Letters to Bandersnatch should be a maximum of 500 words but may
see print nonetheless if they are longer but worthwhile. Neither spelling nor grammar will be
corrected on letters to the editors, it is the responsibility of the contributor to correct them.
Submissions and letters should be dropped off at the Bandersnatch office, located in the
basement of Herzberg, H-041 (across from the Hallway entrance of the oval).
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Hello readers, and welcome to a
new semester at John Abbott. As the
new Campus Life Editor I feel it is my
responsibility to also bid welcome to
the new students joining us for the
first time. This is my third semester at
Abbott and I must say quite simply:
time flies. It seems like not long ago I
was attending Open House in the fall
of my graduating year of high school
in 2003.
Like it or not, none of us get through
without working for our marks and
that is another true fact from orientation.
I’d like to take a couple of paragraphs to give advice to the fresh,
young minds joining us this fall. What
they say at orientation in August is all
correct. College is more freedom, but
a lot more responsibility. We don’t all
have mummy and daddy nagging us
to do our homework but trust me; it
must get done if you have any interest
in thriving and moving onto university or the real world.
Now to introduce myself, anyone
who read Bandersnatch last semester
will observe a few familiar things in
Campus this year. Last year I was Opinions Editor and became very attached
to my section. Therefore my headers I
had in the Opinions section will now
be used in Campus, along with many
new ones I will be introducing for
Campus over the next couple of issues.
I do have one lovely project in particular, which still needs some work, so
look for it in a month or so.
Even as Campus Editor, I still remain very opinionated and still enjoy
expressing myself on certain issues. I
may occasionally become very opinionated
about certain events
happening on campus
however my goal with
the Campus section is to
actually focus on events
taking place at, and
around Abbott. Don’t
be afraid, though you
will still be able to enjoy
our lovely sex column:
Wet Ink, run by the infamous Chrystal De
Lina, I have even been
simmering ideas over
the summer to enhance
the columns already
found in Campus and as
I said, create new and interesting colomns to
please as many readers
as possible.
Next thing I’d like to mention is
assignments, those lovely one thousand word, researched, double-spaced,
cited, Undergraduate Style essays you
have the entire
semester to get
to. Those were
my
favorite
pains in the
backside my first
two semesters
in Social Science.
Ye s t h e y s u ck
b u t t h e y t o o,
need to get
done, and my
advice regarding
those is: do not
wait UNTIL the
end of the semester to work
on them, because for the average student
who has between six and
nine courses, if
you multiply a
thousand words
by six or by eight you will quickly realize you have a great deal of writing to
do. Gathering all your research and information alone can take about a week
or two, depending on the obscrurity
of your subject. That being said, if
you’re thinking of getting your entire
essay researched, processed, typed, referenced, and handed in the weekend
before the lovely thorn is due…you
may as well drop the whole damned
course and spend your entire semester
with your head stuck in the ground.
bandersnatch
That being said, I wish all new students an excellent first semester, and
wish a welcome back to returning students. May the minds of our brilliant
doctors and other instructors inspire
you.
If you wish to write
a story or an article on an event taking
place, or that has taken place around
Abbott and want to submit it feel free
to drop by Bandersnatch in the
Hertzberg basement across from the
Oval
or
write
to
us
at
bandersnatch@johnabbott.qc.ca and
I’ll see what I can do to publish it.
Enough babbling from me now, in
closing I wish everybody luck this semester and I look forward to another
stressful, but exciting year at Abbott.
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2005 - 09 -14
First and foremost I’d like to welcome everyone back to JAC, another year for the most of
us and an intro to life for the rest. Now before I
begin I’d like to make the following promises
(to be broken later).
1) From now on, articles will be researched.
Contrary to just about every other opinion article last year, statements that are blunt, one-sided
and retarded at the same time will not exist;
hopefully.
2) We promise to have at least 50% less
typos this year around. Yes this promise is very,
very drastic and well the point is, we’re going to
try for it. Wish us luck or even better; join the
Bander copy-editing team!
3) We promise to keep Rob from scaring
people... as mush as we possibly can. “Rob Says”
will still be random and frightening but at least...
at least we promised to protect you from everything else Rob does; great guy, scary social skills.
And finally 4) We promise to treat Bill
Mahon like a living, breathing person. We love
you Bill even though you probably have no faith
in us.
Now that the promises are out of the way,
I have taken the rights to my 2 cents this year
since Rob has become big Kahuna this year. So
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from now on all those beefs against everyone
will be coming from yours truly.
Now for the best part of my 2 cents...the
part where I complain about things. This week’s
rant is one that hits close to home; I want to talk
about how everyone is loud.
Sounds like a really dumb rant but think
about this; you just got out of your three science
classes in a row, you’re on your way home via the
Bus and you forgot to take those things we call
Tylenol for the headaches. You board the bus
and surprise, surprise: it’s a cacophony of sound
rumbling through your brain. Why is this? I
mean most people have good hearing. Why is
everyone yelling? Not to mention the fact that
the halls of JAC are now filled up more than
ever with plenty of co-students to get in your
way and make noise. It’s becoming harder to
find a dark and quiet corner these days and for
that reason I think we should all try to lower our
voices or maybe at least go outside and let the
halls be a little bit emptier.
That’s all for now folks, now go and
enjoy that thing we call edumacation.
3
Hello Abbotters! Welcome back to school!
I’m sure you’re all very excited to be back in class!
Yeah right! Unfortunately summer is gone and
although there are certain things that you can’t
do now that you’re back in school, fortunately
sex isn’t one of them! I’m sure (or at least I
hope) that you’ve all had some new sexual experiences this summer, but none of us know it all
so thankfully there’s still lots to discuss.
For those of you who are new or who have
never read this column before, basically every
issue I’ll be talking about something pertaining
to sex. I’m very open-minded so although some
people may find this column offensive. From
my point of view I’m just telling it like is and
you can choose to agree or not. Anyway, enough
of that blabber; to start off this year I’ve decided
to talk about something that is so simple that
people may feel there’s nothing to discuss. However, I’ve found that this subject is a key ingredient to having good foreplay, good sex, and it
also has many other advantages. So what am I
talking about? I’m talking about boobs, breasts,
tits or jugs.
You call them whatever you want, the fact
of the matter is they’re on everyone’s minds
more often than you can imagine, and why
wouldn’t they be? Out of every sexual body part
that can be named, boobs are the ones that happen to be the most noticeable; every girl has
them, and every guy loves them. They may not
be the favourite part of a woman for every single
man but we all know men give them plenty of
love!
So men love breasts, that’s a given. But how
do women feel about their own breasts? Boobs
Welcome back psyMentaly
chos! I hope you enjoyed yours summer
and spent many hours roasting yourself out in
the sun causing great skin damage and premature ageing. Unless you used sunscreen, in which
case, good for you, you roxors my boxors! Now,
onto the ranting.
There are things in this world that are considered unlawful by the system that I find particularly holy. Throughout this summer I have
been mentally exploring the different acts that are
slightly illegal and forming opinions and theories about them. This has boiled down to me, to
jack and all this summer besides sitting on my
arse…
On a side note, I’m not actually IN THIS
SCHOOL this semester, which makes me wonder why the hell I’m writing this article. The short
answer is that while I don’t actually have all that
much free time, I like to pretend I do. Onwards
my faithful minions!
One of these not really sinful sins that I find
holy is j-walking. This art and game is something
4
come in many different shapes and sizes, so is
there such thing as a perfect set? Not exactly, but
according to my friend: the perfect pair of breasts
is about a C-cup, perky, with a proper nipple to
breast ratio. Nipples should be darker than the
person’s skin but not so dark they look like rubber.
Contrary to popular belief, men don’t enjoy
nipples to be erect at all times. It could be arousing to see, but a girl with hard nipples 24/7 is
just plain weird! All women are very aware of
what their own breasts look like and are often
insecure about their size and feel that they have
too much or not enough, the key to remember
is that no two sets are identical and most importantly: however big or small, no one can dispute
the pleasure they bring to women when they are
touched and to the men who touch them.
It often seems that girls don’t really get
turned on when their breasts are stimulated. It is
true that the sensitivity of the nipple is different
for every woman. Some women feel touch more
on one nipple than the other. Some enjoy very
light contact and find that too much pressure or
squeezing can hurt, while others can barely get
aroused by light contact and would rather feel
pinching, twisting, pulling or biting. The best
thing to do with any partner is to start off light,
if you feel that they aren’t getting aroused: add in
squeezing and licking. The best way to tell what
the girl likes is to try something new and see her
reaction, if she moans, shakes, gets flushed,
etc… keep doing it! If nothing really happens
chances are it just doesn’t feel so great for her.
Another idea is to discuss what the woman is
feeling so that abuse does not take place.
pretty much any proud Montrealer
has perfected to some degree.
From the streets of downtown
to the quiet rural streets of the
West Island, there’s a f*ckload of
miles of road and only about ten percent of that road is legally crossable. That leaves
a whole lot of space to j-walk!
The greatest thing about j-walking is doing
it at around 3:00 am on the quiet streets of the
West Island such as St. John’s and Sources. The
way to optimize the amusement of doing so is
to steal a grocery cart from the nearest food-stuffpurchasing area and then use it as a mode of
transportation. This is truly a holy action if ever
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Suction and pressure can be great
however when a woman is
P.M.S’ing, her breasts are a lot more
sensitive and too much pressure can
hurt. The most important thing to
remember is NO GIRL IS GOING TO ORGASM IF YOU
JUST PLAY WITH HER TITS!
Fondling is more of an added bonus. It’s like when you go to McDonalds you
order your nuggets or burger, which is great, but
the fries just make it even better!
Courtesy of firegirls.com (trick#011 devotes
an entire web page to breasts!) here’s a list of
different techniques you can use to stimulate a
woman’s boobs:
· Gentle tracing with the fingertip or
tongue
· Tickling the nipple with a feather or cloth
· Gentle rolling or pulling with fingertips
or lips
· Lightly raking fingernails or teeth across
the nipple
· Light massage with oil
· Firmly rubbing across the nipple with
finger, tongue or penis
· Slow, gentle licking
· Lightly tracing the nipple with a firm
object, such as a pen cap
· Biting—gently or with some pressure
(be careful with hard biting)
· Biting or nibbling outside the nipple
· Licking or sucking around the nipple,
but not the nipple itself
· Use of syrups, oils, whipped cream or
other food items to enhance the fun of nipple
sucking
· Continuous squeezing, twisting or pulling
· Rhythmic squeezing, twisting or pulling
· Firmly tapping
· Place finger directly on nipple and press,
rapidly wiggling finger
· Rapid, light licking
· Rapid, firm licking
· Simple kissing
· French kissing
· French kissing with suction
· Slapping (do not slap the female breast
hard)
· Firmly pinching, or pinching/pulling
· Use of nipple clamps, clip-on nipple
jewellery or other accessories
So there are obviously many ways for men
and women to enjoy what God so generously
gave us! But what if this kind of stimulation
isn’t enough? Some men would love nothing
but to be brought to climax by the stimulation
between your boobs and their penis. You know
what I’m talking about: Tit-jobs. Although this
isn’t really enjoyable for the female, it can be a nice
change to regular sex positions or giving head.
Simply lie on your back and have your man
straddle you, placing his penis in between your
cleavage. Either you or your partner should
squeeze your breasts together to create some
friction and allow your man to thrust on top of
you until he cums. You can help out by licking
the tip of his penis between thrusts or switching
back and forth between the motions and sucking. When the time comes (no pun intended)
you can choose to either have your man ejaculate
in your mouth or you can have him cum on you
(a topic discussed in one of last year’s articles).
Whatever you choose this can be a great (and
freaking easy) way to get your guy off!
Whatever you choose to do with the twins
I guarantee there’s a good time waiting for all of
you!
there was one.
Another fun activity that, if caught, you’d
probably get into a good little sh*tload of trouble depending on who’s lawn you are on. Picking a flower from a random person’s lawn is a
holy action as well. Remember though, only
take one flower from one plant, being greedy is
bad, kiddies! No need to hurt nature, kays?!
Finally there is the wonder that is saving
pylons from their enslavement on the roads.
This heroic feat is not meant for saving pylons
that are directing traffic or pointing out dangerous potholes in the road. It is for those poor
pylons in large groups that stand there to point
out the obvious fact that the lines have been
repainted. One must find the saddest and lone-
liest fnord pylon to save and bring home to the
warmth of your bed or living room. Remember to care and love for the pylons you save and
give them appropriate names!
So, one may look at this list of illegal things
to do and wonder why I would call them holy
and support doing them. The truth is, I don’t.
Just because they are holy doesn’t mean YOU
should do them! Who do you think you are?
Go home and study, stop going out late and
help your parents more! Oh, and learn some
respect! Yeesh, all you kids are so out of line.
In conclusion, look both ways when crossing the road; respect your neighbours and city.
Oh, and you all smell like a dead squirrel, so take
a shower.
bandersnatch
Some sites to check out (all about boobs!):
-http://www.menstuff.org/pov/povs/
breasts.html#attraction
-http://www.babeland.com/sexinfo/
howto/breast-play
-http://www.firegirls.com/tnt/trick2.html
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Presents:
Back to School Beach Bash!
Saturday, September 17th
94.7 Hits FM
Broadcasting Live
Smirnoff Ice Crew
on site
Wet T-shirt & Boxers Contest
Cash prizes
O P E N 7 D AY S A W E E K
8 : 0 0 P. M . - 3 : 0 0 A . M .
69, RUE STE. ANNE
STE. ANNE DE BELLEVUE
party@thepub.com
www.par ty.thepub.com
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2005 - 09 -14
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5
Photography 101
George Tankov
Contributor
I’ve noticed that many people have
bought or are planning on buying a
camera, most likely digital, but they
don’t know how to properly use one.
Therefore, in this thread I’ll explain the
basics of photography, and I will try
to be as brief, but informative, as possible. If you want to know more about
this, I highly recommend that you buy
a book about photography.
First of all, remember that the
most important thing you must have
in order to make a picture is light.
Light is exposed onto film or a CCD
(Charge Coupled Device) and it forms
pretty pictures. The more light there is
the better. Everything you see reflects
light, so when you press the shutter
button, the light it goes through the
lens, through the diaphragm, and onto
the film or CCD. What the shutter
button does is open a curtain for a certain amount of time (I’ll get to that in
a bit) so that light can be exposed onto
the film or CCD. Another thing that
happens is the diaphragm forming an
aperture (simply put, a hole) for the
light to go through. When there is a
lot of light, you have to limit the
amount that goes through the lens so
you would not overexpose the shot.
Exposing is basically putting the
correct amount of light for a correct
amount of time onto film or CCD.
Too much light or too slow of a shutter speed will cause an overexposed
picture; it will basically too bright. Not
enough light or a too fast shutter speed
will cause an underexposed picture, it
will be too dark.
Your camera will probably determine the exposure automatically. When
you focus on a certain scene, it might
say something like 90 4.0 which means
that the shutter speed is 1/90th of a
second and the aperture is f/4.0. The
f/stop is a ratio between the diameter
of the aperture in the lens and the focal length of the lens. The higher the
f/X number, the smaller is the aperture.
The faster the shutter speed, the
less time the shutter curtain will stay
open, therefore the film or CCD will
have less time to get exposed. This
means that there is less chance to get a
blurred picture. Fast shutter speeds are
usually used for shooting sports,
where you need to freeze the moment.
A 1/2000th second shutter speed is
“fast”.
Shooting at a faster shutter speed
means that you will need to get more
6
light through the lens, so you will have
to use a larger aperture (smaller f/X
number). The largest aperture on a
usual consumer camera is usually f/2.8,
which is not that bad. If you have a
film camera, SLR (Single Lens Reflex),
or a digital SLR, chances are the sensor
is big enough for you to be able to get
depth of field. The larger the aperture,
the more depth of field there will be,
meaning the objects out of focus will
be blurry. This is useful for blurring
the background when shooting a portrait for example. Since consumer digital cameras have very small sensors, it
will be harder to get a shallow depth
of field. Another way to get a shallower
depth of field is to get closer to the
subject, for example it is very visible
(and sometimes a problem) in macro
photography. As you can see in the picture below, the tip of the flower is
sharp, but the background is blurry.
The quality of the bokeh (Japanese
term for out-of-focus blur which is
used by many photographers) depends
on the lens you use. Most expensive
lenses and good primes give a nice
bokeh. The quality of the bokeh, as
well as the sharpness of the lens can
be found out by reading an MTF
(Modulation Transfer Function) chart.
A great article about MTF charts is located here: http://www.luminouslandscape.com/tutorials/understanding-series/understanding-mtf.shtml .
The lens is generally a lot more important than the camera itself. A cheap
SLR with a quality lens will produce
pictures that are a lot better than an
expensive camera with a cheap lens. It’s
a bit different with digital cameras,
since you need to take into account that
there are different sensors with different quality and noise (grain) control.
There are different types of lenses with
different focal lengths. The 50mm lens
is called a “normal” lens, since it provides the same focal length as a human
eye. Anything that has a shorter focal
length than 50mm is a wide-angle lens,
usually 28mm. Under that you will see
extreme wide-angle and fisheye (usually 15mm) lenses that provide 180
degree angle. There are exceptions
though, for example the Canon 1740mm f/4.0 L zoom is a lens many
DSLR users prefer, since the sensors
on those cameras provide 1.6x magnification, so that lens turns into a 2764mm. A lens that is longer than 50mm
is called a telephoto lens. Those range
usually from 200mm to 400mm;
300mm being the most commonly
used one. There are also zoom lenses
(as opposed to primes) that have some
disadvantages like losing light, but
they can replace a couple lenses at once,
for example a 28-70mm is a standard
zoom lens that might work well in 90%
of situations. A good lens is generally
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the one that is capable of a larger aperture. A 75-300mm f/4-5.6 usually costs
around $150 USD, while a 300mm f/4
lens might run for about $1100 USD,
and a 300mm f/2.8L IS is about $4000
USD. The f/2.8 lens is not only faster
(since you can use a higher shutter
speed because it lets more light
through) but it is also much better
built and has a much better optical
quality.
Generally, if you want to shoot offhand, you should use the highest shutter speed possible in order to get sharp
photos. The general rule is the shutter
speed that is 1/125ths and faster is
usually good enough for shooting
handheld. If you are shooting indoors, you will not be able to get that
fast (unless you have a lens with a very
large maximum aperture, like an f/1.4)
shutter speed, so you will have to use
a flash. Flash acts nicely to freeze a picture, so shooting as slow as 1/60ths
handheld. If you don’t want to use the
flash indoors or you want to get a
sharp picture, you should use a tripod.
If you are interested in starting in
photography, I recommend that you
get a digital camera. Depending on
your budget, you can either get a consumer digital camera, just make sure it
has full manual override, or it won’t
be fun. When shopping for one of
these, you should get the one with the
largest aperture (usually f/2.8 or
more), largest zoom capability (something with at least 28-80mm), and finally the highest resolution
(megapixels). You can also get a digital
SLR like a Canon EOS Digital Rebel
XT which might set you back $790
USD nowadays. You can spend an extra $140 USD for the EF-S 18-55mm
f/3.5-5.6 lens and $70 USD for a 50mm
f/1.8 II which is a very solid although
cheap lens, with a decent aperture. If
you have a bit more money to spend
on it, you can get a 17-40mm f/4 L
lens to which I referred before. Remember, most digital SLR cameras have a
1.6x or 1.5x (Nikon) magnification, so
to see what sort of real focal range you
will get with a certain lens, multiply the
focal length by the magnification ratio.
You might not get a true wide angle
with a digital SLR and that is one of
its weakest points. Make sure you also
get a high speed flash card so that your
camera will take less time to transfer
the photos from its buffer. It’s not
worth buying a film camera anymore.
When you finally decide to get a
camera, I suggest that you don’t buy
in Canada since the prices are much
higher here. It would be worth it to
check eBay for some new and used cameras and lenses, since you will get much
better prices. There are also websites
like www.bhphotovideo.com (new
equipment) and www.keh.com (used
equipment) where you can find some
excellent deals. By the way, if you buy
used from the USA you will not have
to pay the 6% duties, only the GST and
PST. This makes buying used equipment even more of a deal. Be careful
though, if you buy used from eBay
make sure that the seller has a lot of
good feedback, or even better that they
are a store who sell over eBay. This way
you won’t get any nasty surprises when
you receive your equipment.
I hope I’ve helped you understand
how to control your camera and you
can now clearly think about what
would be the best choice for you.
For more information, send an
email to toxicbug@hotmail.com
Uncle Bander Wants You!
Next Meeting:
Tuesday, September 20,
at 5:30 pm in H-033A
Paid for by the New Bander Order
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Flatout
Battlefield 2
Justin Banks
Contributor
Blayne Bradley
Games Editor
What makes a racing game unique?
Need for Speed Underground has it’s illegal street racing and unique
customization, Mario Kart: Double Dash
has it’s co-op play, Burnout has it’s intense speed and adrenaline buildups, so
what does Flatout offer us that is so original? What it does offer is not so much
the racing but the various selection of
minigames that are available in the game.
Flatout allows the driver of your car to
go right through the windshield when
you crash, thus allowing you to propel
your driver into a dartboard, bowling alley, or as high as you can for some of the
offered minigames.
The rest of the game is just your
basic racing/destruction derby game, with
the choice to upgrade your vehicle with
the cash that you earn from every win,
although every car pretty much looks the
same. Being a game that’s all about wrecking your ride the crash detail on the cars
is phenomenal, doors and trunks fly off,
dents appear all over, tires get blown out
and ruin your control while making you
drastically slower, sometimes you’re lucky
to finish the race, arriving at the end with
your engine on fire. And where would a
racing game be without a boost ability,
Flatout lets you gain boost in a very similar method to Burnout, knock stuff over,
ram other vehicles, and then some. The
tracks however are lacking in variety, with
their being only three or four different
environments and the courses just take
you through the track but using different routes, you get the feeling that you’re
not really accomplishing anything by playing the same levels over and over. Yet it still
manages to grab hold of
your attention, being a fun an
entertaining title available on
the PC, Xbox, and PS2, this
one’s worth checking out.
Final Rating: 3.5 out of 5
The Hulk
Justin Banks
Contributor
weapon, most in due time having to earn
smash points to purchase the moves, but
fear not for you get smash points for smashing or hitting anything, which is not an
easy thing to avoid. The destruction that
you can cause has only been dreamed about
No game was more anticipated then battlefield 2 since its predecessors Battlefield 1942
and Battlefield Vietnam. Battlefield 2 breaks
old rules and establishes new ones by being
one of the few games our their to bring the
FPS genre to the modern post Gulf war era
of warfare. In BF2 you can play one of three
militaries; The United States Marine Corp,
the People’s Liberation Army and the MEC
that is the Arab, force. In Battlefield 2 like in
the former games you can play various kits,
many that you will undoubtedly recognize to
a few new ones such as Special Ops, which is
a more supped up version of the engineers
just a little funnier.
Battlefield 2 is also the first game that
I’ve noticed to fuller introduce a in game voice
option to allow for better Squad organization and having as an official feature the ability to form squads where instead of you
spawning all the way behind your lines safe in
a cozy little fort, you instead can spawn (your
choice) where your squad commander is allowing for a faster paced battle in a multitude
of well designed maps featuring stunning
graphical detail. But that is not all featured,
Battlefield 2 also offers a new command system where your team has an overall commander with the ability to give orders (though
you can disobey them) to squads, call in artillery strikes (according to the recommendation of scouts but the Commander is the
guy who pushes the button so we don’t get
any asses who calls in an arty on his own
team-mates. The commander can Para-drop
in creates of ammo and health, which are a
great tactical help.
Battlefield 2 also has the great ability to
feature so little lag in its maps of 64 players
though its recommended to play only with
high speed internet it isn’t Starcraft man. BF2
is an amazing game full of challenges with
only a few problems here and there (team
killing will however probably never be fixed
though BF2 offers a system where you can
choose to forgive a team killer thus if he team
kills too many times he’s gone). One final
feature I should mention is that Battlefield 2
has a rank system where after a certain amount
of kills it will allow you (depending on the
server) to unlock new weapons, such as an
auto sniping rifle for the medic a cool nice
weapon to have.
A great game to buy I highly recommend
it, there are thanks to punkbuster very few
cheaters, go out to Futurshop buy it, and
enjoy. Though one other note there is a special keyboard known as “Zboard” with a BF2
keyset for it that will allow you to have the
ultimate gaming experience as it puts the
buttons in convenient places, though that
should be for another article. 4 of 5 stars.
previously, the new weaponization mechanic is very interesting in itself, providing
that you have the ability for whatever it is
you want to do you can take a vehicle, pole,
boulder, or even a missile pack and turn it
into a weapon for the Hulk. If you don’t
feel like taking anger management and
would rather be destroying everything in
your path, pick this one up for Xbox,
Gamecube, or PS2.
For as long as we can remember, there
have been games based on movies, even
disappointing movies like The Hulk. No
doubt that The Hulk movie game wasn’t
one of the greater moments in movie-togame history, mostly ruined by the Bruce
Banner sequences where you had to not be
seen and get to your objective point, that
ruined the feeling of you had of having all
the power of the Hulk, in all his
unstoppable greenness. The Hulk: Ultimate Destruction takes what was good in
the movie version and takes it to the streets,
GTA-style.
You play as the green giant himself this
time trying to rid himself of his alter ego,
which is actually part of himself... while
trying to find a cure while in isolation in
the desert, Bruce Banner is assaulted by the
army who destroy all of his work done
there. From there on you spend most of
your time recovering pieces for your machine, most of them having to be stolen
from the army. This leads our anger management deprived hero to the city. Now
the game gets interesting, as the name implies you can destroy anything all the while
using your Hulk abilities to their fullest.
As the Hulk you can use anything as a
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2005 - 09 - 14
7
Songs Not to Get Married To
The Art of Drowning
Judy Gelsthorpe
Contributor
Trevor Smith
Production Manager
“Songs Not To Get Married To” is
Reggie and the Full Effects’ fourth fulllength album. Released by Vagrant Records
in March 2005, the album is really the work
of one man and, curiously enough, his
name is not Reggie. James DeWees, former
keyboardist of The Get Up Kids, plays
nearly every instrument recorded onto the
CD’s 13 tracks, including bass guitar, drums,
keyboards and vocals.
The band’s first full-length album
“Greatest Hits 1984-1987” was released in
1998, while “Promotional Copy” (2000) was
not far behind. In 2003, “Under the Tray”
was launched, and with these three albums
came an interesting mélange of fictional
and comical characters that materialize into
their newest album to lend a voice
in certain songs. These characters
include Hungary Bear from Blue
Collar Distribution, Klaus from
Common Denominator, and
Fluxuation.
Throughout the record,
genres are interchanged, rearranged, shifted and conflicted.
Ranging from grinding ‘metal
core’ to heavily synthesized European dance music to sweetened
emo-pop, the diversity of this
record is more than you would
get from a multicultural “let’s
travel the world in 23 soothing
tracks” tape. The underlying
theme of the album is DeWees’
divorce and how he feels that he
suffers from “big man crushes small man
syndrome” in that everything was taken
from him just because someone found that
they were able to do so. In songs like “Caving” and “What the Hell is Contempt” this
newfound seriousness has shone like the
sun through the clouds. Meaningful lyrics
walk hand in hand with a catchy rhythm
and sharp guitar progressions to create
what Much Music and MTV should be
mud-wrestling over.
Don’t be frightened off by this
serious theme, however, because songs like
“Love Reality”, “Deathnotronic” and “Get
Well Soon” bring in the fun side of Reggie
that would have been sorely missed. Also
a skit track is included on the album: “Guess
Who’s Back” tells the story of a “good
mother” who “loves to smoke crack”.
You may be wondering how
James manages to play live performances
if he is playing multiple instruments on
the CD. The answer to this is that he has an
interchanging line-up of musicians which
contains members of The Get Up Kids,
Coalesce, and the Esoteric. Recent
shows include opening for New Found
Glory, and Warped Tour.
I saw Reggie play live at Warped
Tour in Montreal, and even with the lack
of fluffy bunny suits (which they had on
the NFG tour) it was a very entertaining
show. DeWees has a great sense of humour
8
and can keep the crowd entertained in the
time needed between songs.
Personally, I think that DeWees
has created something that very few people would be able to achieve: a smart, sophisticated, stupid, loud, angry, lyrical,
soothing, melodic, metallic album. He
should be praised in the streets on bent
knee to show the proper respect for the
man that brought this wonderful record
into out midst. James DeWees AKA
Reggie AKA Klaus AKA Paco AKA Music God!
monica pak
Are you a fan of bands like Our Lady Peace and Switchfoot? If so, this is a
Cd for you.
For all the long time Christian-Rock fans out there and anyone who just
simply likes that late 90s Rock scene, The Thousand Foot Krutch has come out
with their latest Cd titled “The Art of Breaking”. The Canadian band has the
honour of being on tour with mainstream bands such as the Foo Fighters and
Jimmy Eat World as well as having Adam, lead singer from Three Days Grace
on some songs to help influence the hard-rock tempo.
The Album itself is a bit different from their earlier stuff seeing as they’re
trying to get back into their roots, which was Alternative Rock not uncommon
to artists such as The Red Hot chilli peppers. For “The Art of Breaking” they
decided to scrap the whole Hardcore-Rapcore scene and the result is very retro
90s considering that.
The CD starts up with Absolute, a very mellow guitar to begin but it soon
picks up and it’s a non-stop Hard-Rock ride all the way through. I’d just like to
point out that the lead singer attempts and manages to hit those high notes.
His style reminds me of early Davey Havok from AFI so if you’re into him you
should try giving it a good listening. The next track is Slow Bleed, a mix of
heavy Rock riffs and melodic breaks along with some more great singing to
make this song more than worthwhile.
One song that really touched on the old 90s Rock beat I’ve been talking is
Hand Grenade. From the sounds of it, their influence must have come from
early Our Lady Peace and myself being a fan of their sound, couldn’t resist that
feeling of nostalgia.
On a side note, I’d also like to say that although they are Christian-Rock, that
doesn’t mean to say that they’re terrible. This is the first Christian Rock band
that I’ve ever listened to and all that matters is well, they’re good.
The Album ends on a track much more relaxed than the rest of the Cd.
“Breathe You In” gives you a chance to hear the lead singer at work along with
some alright drum and guitar melodies to give th album a great ending. Their
Cd is in stores now, check it out “The Art of Drowning”.
Jack In A Box
Krystyna Glavinovic
Contributor
What a great way to start your day, your
week, your life. Honestly, Turin Brakes’ newest, JackInABox, is filled with promise.
Each song spells out hope, love and, yes,
even heartbreak and death. This album isn’t
morbid, nor is it over-the-top happy. Turin knows what he’s doing. He knew how
to emote through song in 1999, with his
rare EP The Door (only 500 copies each of
CD and vinyl were ever made), and it seems
he’s only gotten better. His hopeful ‘They
Can’t Buy The Sunshine’ is separated by
his haunting ‘Road To Nowhere’ by merely
minutes. It seems Turin has come to terms
with his life and he’s discovered true happiness. This album is all about understanding who you were, who you are and who
you might grow to be. It’s about entering a
new stage in your life and experiencing everything you possibly can, even if you’ve
just experienced the heartbreak of a lifetime. He nails what so many of us are hop-
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ing is true when he says “If you try, you’ll
be alright”, sung in ‘Red Moon’.
An urgent, desirous tone can be found
amid the guitar strums and the calming
lyrics, one that promises truth and beauty
to those that discover not only who they
are but why they are. When Mr Brakes sings
in ‘Over And Over’, it’s as if he’s singing to
each and every one of his listeners. He’s the
magician revealing his secrets. We’re provided with insight into life, death, pain and
adventure. Who knew it could sound so
wonderful?
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It’s hard to classify Turin Brakes’ music
into any one genre. He is perceptive and
able to express his thoughts, a talent many
mainstream artists lack. In this manner, he
is similar to Pete Yorn and Joseph Arthur.
His youthful, optimistic attitude can be
compared to that of Jason Mraz’s. He is
folk with a dash of rock.
What we can take from this album is
what we can take from few others: the belief that we can resurface after a tough
_______ (insert period of time here).
Whether you’ve had a day or a year of hardships, Turin Brakes’ JackInABox has
showed us that we can be in control of
turning that hardship into happiness and
success. I’m 100% certain that the butterflies that scatter the jacket and the inside of
the cover are there to represent an evolution into a new phase in Turin Brakes’ life
and artistry. Without a doubt, we will fully
support him in his future endeavours. It’s
folly to not do so.
Turin Brakes’ JackInABox came out
30.05.05. He is currently touring Europe.
For further information, visit his website
at http://www.turinbrakes.com/.
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The Redwalls: De Nova
D.T.
Contributor
“We’re not preaching,” Logan says.
“Every once in a while you feel this obligation to acknowledge some of the fuckedup things that are going on. But we also
sing about girls, and all that other stuff.
What we really do is play rock’n’roll.”
I thought I was enjoying myself immensely in the listening until I realized that
it was twenty minutes later and I hadn’t
been really listening. I started the CD from
the beginning again and somehow faded
into space... again. Coffee didn’t help. Musically, these guys are a blow-away; the majesty of their performance marks them as
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perfect background music for anything.
There isn’t a hook or a catch anywhere to
hang your attention on, really, just seamless great music. The texture of it is amazing, with production values through the
roof. By the second day it had grown on
me like a tattoo.
The singer is, as far as I can tell, either a
Brit faking a British accent, or an Aussie
imitating Bob Dylan imitating John
Lennon... with stunning levels of success
(music to MY ears, anyway). I had the severest difficulty understanding the lyrics —
then I just checked them online. The singer’s amazing vocal acrobatics probably actually serve to dissimulate the bland landscape of the lyrical content, the band’s one
weak point. ‘Front Page’ is the most lyrically interesting, but very reminiscent of ‘A
Day in the Life’.
Smooth rockers like ‘On My Way’,
‘Rock & Roll’ or ‘It’s Alright’ evince no
originality whatever, but lack of originality
never kept hips from swinging, or hands
from clapping. Their forebears of the sev-
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enties can be proud of the Redwalls; they
prove somebody was really paying attention. If you have any taste for real rock &
roll, you’d definitely be putting this one on
your list.
The one ringing bad note on the album would be the track before last, ‘Glory
of War’, which allies ideologically and musically dubious lyrics to around-the-campfire guitar work the album could do without.
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The Redwalls’ ‘de nova’ certainly isn’t
for everyone; but ‘de nova’ is very much a
recommended buy from this quarter, especially if you know the difference between
rock and rock & roll and prefer the latter.
As the Redwalls’ second album, it shows
many of the promising qualities of the
first, including it’s derivative charm, and a
few more all it’s own.
9
You’re in Hot Water Now Bad Boys of Rock 'n' Roll
Li Kennedy
Opinions Editor
Li Kennedy
Opinions Editor
I was all prepped
for my gym class that was
about to start. A bunch
of us stood sweating at
the edge of the vast and
enticing John Abbott
pool waiting for the teacher’s word…so we could
plunge into that cool,
clean and chlorinated water. The air was humid as
hell and it was boiling hot,
making me all the more
ready as I rushed forward
with the others (no running of course) to the chilly salvation we anticipated. Cold water was all we needed. But lo and behold when we dove
in at last the water was not cold at all. No, not even close. The water was
as sickly warm as fresh urine. It’s probably not much cleaner either. In
fact I think most showers I’ve taken have consisted of much colder
water. It felt like stale dirty bath water and the chlorine is seriously hard
on the eyes.
The swim test was a disaster of course, 16 laps in 12 minutes
was my final score… I can’t breathe in this! You figure you won’t get
hot if you’re in the water, right? And that’s usually true if you take a
ten second break you can continue and you feel cold again. This water
was THIRTY TWO DEGREES CELSIUS! If it’s ever that hot
outsideoutside in the summer time people hide out in air-conditioned
shops all day. In their lame attempts to beat the heat.
First A little bit of history
The Fire Still Burns for Twisted Sister,
their new album/DVD comp, Live at Wacken,
The Reunion has not only 11amazing, live audio tracks but also 23 music videos! Even In
The Beginning, these guys were Born To Be
Wild, they started playing together in 1972, and
after 15 years and more than 9000 shows, The
band played its final show in Minneapolis. They
released a couple albums in the ‘90s and played
a show or 2 sans bass player Mark Mendoza.
They have been steadily on the rise ever since,
performing about once a year, Mark came back
in 2000, and all 5 of the boys were onstage for
the first time since 1986.
With Superb guitar solos, prized showmanship and an energy exclusive to the genre,
watch out, The Kids Are Back. They’ve been
broken up, phased out and boycotted by squares
and abandoned by fans Like A Knife In The
Back, but I Wanna Rock and We’re Not Gonna Take It! So, Stay Hungry because You Can’t Stop Rock & Roll.
Yeah yeah I know everyone says Rock and Roll is dead, but we’re in a renaissance now, and I think we’re at
least here in time for the death rattle. Lately we’ve had no choice to bring back the old because the new just
sucks. I mean… “you make my pipi go dedoing doing doing” COME ON what do you call that?! I call it
C – R – A – P! Because that’s what it is. Sure, maybe some people call “you make my pipi go dedoing doing
doing” catchy, but I doubt anyone’s going to pay $ 21.00 to buy the over priced cd for “you make my pipi
go dedoing doing doing” and this is what GROWN UPS listen to? You can take that rubbish and well…
use your imagination. You know, people tell me to grow up and get a real job, and I must admit I’m starting
to need one but this record set me straight. Something’s been missing in my life lately and rock and roll is it.
I’ll Never Grow Up, Now!
Cover
Charges Suck
Li Kennedy
Opinions Editor
People go to bars to drink. They go in
and pay good money for house alcohol.
Now why on earth would the bar charge
these poor good-timin’ chick-cruisin’
drunks five dollars before they even lay a
finger on the bottle? Because they are inconsiderate, uncompassionate, unethical
conglomerates companies run by slimy, unsentimental, soulless businessmen.
Granted, some people don’t go to bars
solely to drink, often some girls (and boys)
get together just to go out and dance. This
improves the bar, makes it more fun and
user-friendly if you will. It attracts the men
customers and produces the urge for more
people to go out to the bar, dance, drink
and have a good time. Yet these fun-loving dancing queens must pay a cover fee to
do what they love simply because of some
morose money-hounding miser who is
probably far too rich for his/her own good
anyways.
Some poor creatures are sucked into the
bar scene because their friends want to hang
out, loitering is frowned upon (and rather
boring) and you have to go SOMEWHERE at night. Now many of these
people are just there for a game of pool or
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Bogarting the jukebox, have a beer or two
maybe but mostly spend money on pool,
blitz and foosball. These lost souls are only
looking for a place to chill and hang out
with their buddies. Now surely it isn’t right
that for the need of shelter, meanwhile
spending money on music and pool games
that we should take five dollars out of our
own sweet pocket for the simple pleasure
of being in that smoked out dirty, sticky
and smelly bar?
OK… then we get into the real kickers. Designated drivers. Everyone is drunk.
You’re waiting around for your drunken
friends while some sweaty, hairy guy is
leaning over you to get closer to the bar/
pretty girl he’ll never get/his friend/the
dance floor. Did you pay to get into this
place? If you did, you got seriously ripped
off. And the millionaire owner is trying
desperately to fit his bulging wallet into his
overpriced brand-name suit pocket.
There was once some kind of logic behind this cover charge… girls would pay so
that they didn’t have to be in a place where
slimy old drunken guys were all over them,
hitting on them, trying to converse but
more successfully spraying them with
beer… unfortunately, girls flocked to cover
bars and slimy old drunken guys followed.
Now we’re simply paying to get into a place
where without a doubt at least one creepy
drunk will attempt to cop a feel. It’s outrageous, unscrupulous, preposterous.
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Oh yes, and abstract art sucks. You want art? THIS is art. You got a
problem? Send your opinion to Bandersnatch@johnabbott.qc.ca
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Far From Germany
Today in Bandersnatch
History
Till Boegelsack
Contributor
Imagine you are staying one College year in Europe. Go
abroad to a foreign country leads to FARSICKNESS. Out of
conviction you make your whole environment like friends
and family crazy. Only out of conviction!
WHY GERMANS STUDY AT JOHN ABBOTT
Canada is supposed to be wild. You will see a bear looking through your window in the morning.
Germans think that most Canadians are
working as lumberjacks.
One day there was a guy from Canada
at my High School. After he made a speech
and represented his college while everyone
sat quietly in their chairs and looked up to the
overhead. Everyone read a list of costs. Staying abroad is expensive. By showing us photos from John Abbott College near Montreal, after recommending a lot of positive
aspects of being an international student, we were convinced
enough. Well, I was 14 at the time.
Within the last year I first tried to bring up my exchange
program with exchange organizations. At last in December I
applied for John Abbott. Now I am the last survivor who is
really going to Canada. Getting a grant and organizing the
Visa was now the only problem. I dreamed for half a year
what was waiting for me. Basically all fifty German students
at college have the same aim, to improve their English (if
necessary also French). This school has over 5000 students so
you are constantly meeting new people. I often have the feeling that most people spend their first semester here and a lot
of them speak French as their first language. But this
multiculturalism is an important reason to go here. This College offers a wide variety of courses and clubs
and that is great! I joined Bandersnatch,
Kayaking and swimming. Nevertheless I was
soon surprised in Germany about the possibilities to study. You know that we have a
comfortable campus. Among other things
we have an arena, a bookstore, a sauna and
so on. There was an Orientation session
placed at the weekend before school started
and we saw Montreal with its great skyline. It
was important for me not to go to a place
like Nebraska at a restricted High School in the middle of
nowhere. During the stay I found the activities for students
very attractive.
I go home from College to D.D.O. and an airplane is
flying over every time! Then I think about what a nice time
I’m going to spend here at JAC. That first College day I was
amazed at John Abbott College.
This New Blood is Hot
Mr. Nutrient was discovered.
Mr. Nutrient was born back in the day when the John Abbott
newspaper still had the life giving dignity of a refrigerator. To our
misfortune, the underworld inhabitants of the clubroom next
door who call themselves “gamers” discovered that the power is
turned off during the summer. This unfortunate discovery led
to the placement of an empty bottle of mayonnaise in said fridge
before the clubrooms closed that May. Needless to say, something started growing in the jar. It grew out of the jar, and into the
fridge. It grew out of the fridge, and into the office, it grew out of
the office, and into the hallway. They named it Mr. Nutrient. Mr.
Nutrient was discovered the following autumn. The hallway was
evacuated and fumigated.
Humorizer: This joke is funny due to the idea of an infectious substance filling the inside of a fridge, somehow escaping
the sealed door and growing all the way from said fridge presumably at the back of the room into the hallway. It also provokes the
hilarious mental image of various specimens of underworld
miscreants such as gamers, Banderites, Chinese and Muslim club
members flailing their arms and fleeing their dwellings narrowly
escaping the tentacled grasp of Mr. Nutrient and the alien screams
of the being as green gas filters into the sides of the hallway and
tentacles wave and wither.
Li Kennedy
Opinions Editor
Legend retold by LiKennedy
I remember all the girls I graduated with. We were
stunningly beautiful, model quality looks, all 58 of us. So
it’s natural to expect the same from the men of our generation, right? Wrong! More like for every ten beautiful
women there was a single (though probably not single)
good-looking male specimen. We, the poor, deprived, “hot
chicks” have woefully accepted this and lowered our standards accordingly. What a sad, sad existence we led. I hate to
be shallow but left right and center, pretty women were
walking with gorillas. They say that looks don’t count for
much; well there goes your proof. But wait a tick – why is
it that men expect flawless beauty from us, the spectacular,
yet any cocky bastard can be as ugly as he wants and still
expect to “get chicks”. Now after a couple years of CEGEP,
and MANY years of dating, it has started to dawn on my
fellow college girls that we have been sorely gypped.
Slow Walking and
Other Back to School
Faux Pas
Kristine T
Contributor
But what’s this? It’s become apparent, and odd
but true, that more and more of the first year men are
turning out to be quite the young cuties. Now I’m no
cradle robber, but man do I ever wish I were sometimes.
The Death of the English Language
Nicola Fleming
Contributor
Almost everyone has used it at some point. It makes
life ‘easier’ for thousands of users worldwide. Teens spend
their evenings staring blankly ahead as they attempt to communicate with the outside world. Teachers lose sleep over it as its effects
surface more and more often in the classroom. It is highly addictive, and extremely appealing to today’s youth.
Chatspeak. Who came up with this ‘language’ that has
been taking the Internet by storm for years? More importantly...why
do people use it? I don’t understand what is so appealing about
chatting to your friends in a form of English so horribly mangled
that it can’t possibly be deciphered without a certain amount of
squinting at the computer screen?
For those trying to stop their parents from understanding what they’re saying to their friends...be honest. If your parents
are that intent on trying to find out what you talk about with your
friends, they’ll manage to interpret the chatspeak (especially if you’re
talking about that party last weekend where you had a little to
much to drink and can’t remember where you left your-...uh,
QUICK! YOUR PARENTS ARE WATCHING!). So u revrt 2
ta1king lyke this 2 a11 ur frendz b/c all tha kewl ppl r doing it + that
bandersnatch
way ur parents dont no wat ur sayin!!!111
Someone please punch me for writing that sentence.
Thank you.
I mean...look how stupid that looks. What’s worse is
that this sort of writing is popping up in essays! That’s right.
This butchered form of English has become so mainstream that
students are considering it acceptable to use it in major assignments!
I could probably carry on for pages, lamenting the imminent demise of English as we know it. Instead, I’m going to set
you all a challenge. Break the habit. Stop giving in to what is ‘easy’.
When the time comes to type the word ‘you’, make those two
extra keystrokes. You’ll seem much more educated for it, and you
won’t slip into the irritating habit of forgetting how to spell threeletter words.
KTHXBI.
(That’s all I have to say. Thank you for your time, and
goodbye.)
((It’s not that hard))
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2005 - 09 - 14
It’s said to be the most wonderful time of the year! No, not
Christmas, back to school, people!! Yippee! Or not? Every year
there is the hustle and bustle around John Abbott, between the
expenses of books, line ups for STM photos and people who
have temporarily lost brain to limb coordination (i.e. Slow walkers in the hallway).
This might just be me, but I’ve come to notice that part of
the reason I’m so stressed when school begins is because things
are so poorly organized. Now, this isn’t a shout out to all the
organizers of our school, but things tend to go A-wall at the start
of the school year.
First off, I think we are in dire need of signs! I might have
been the only one that has done this, but there we no signs
around labelling the long line-ups in to the Agora, and I, for one,
would have been highly appreciative if there had been one. I
stood in the STM photo line because someone told me it was the
agenda line for an hour and a half! Yeah, laugh it up! Not only did
I feel stupid but I also felt bad for the other ten people behind me
who I had told this was indeed the agenda line (I didn’t have the
guts to tell them they were in the wrong line after I found out).
Sorry, guys.
Not only this, but people tend to walk aimlessly about the
hallways as though they are the only ones around. I mean, come
on! It’s not that hard; we learned how to do it properly when we
were three.
All in all, next year will be the same, but I, for one, will NOT
be standing in the STM photo line for my agenda!
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