SUJAC impeachment fails

Bandersnatch
Being emo in the corner since 1971
Volume 35, Issue 12 • Wednesday March 29th, 2006
In this Issue...
Grave grade injustice
page 3
You may have walked by SUJAC
and seen the sign asking you to sign
the grade review petition, and wondered why they were asking you to
sign something you knew nothing
about.
Bring back late fees!
page4
Ok, here we go. You walk into a
video store on a Wednesday night, and
all you want to do is to get a copy of
Derailed after reading a review about it
in this issue of Bandersnatch on page 6.
So, you grab it off the shelf and bring it
to the front; the guy across the counter
tells you that you have a late fee for
some movie you rented, like, a month
ago, and you have to pay it before you
can rent anything else.
Welcome to the family
page 9
“Someday, and that day may never
come, I will ask of you to perform a favor
for me.” That favor will most indefinitely
be to aid the Corleone family in The
Godfather videogame. Available for PS2,
Xbox, and PC, The Godfather sets you up
as a young man whose father was gunned
down by a mafia family.
A not so super session
page 6
Music has the extraordinary
ability to stir emotions and to recall
old forgotten memories. No matter
what genre, music has the power
to paint a por trait in your mind.
Picture a classy club or lounge and
the sounds of your favorite old
time singers; this is the image that
Sondre Lerche and the Faces Down
Quartet latest CD creates.
Sections
News...................................2
Campus Life.......................3
Opinions..............................4
Entertainment....................6
Comics................................8
Games................................9
Arts....................................10
Sports................................11
SUJAC impeachment fails
On Monday, March 20, 2006, Congress
held a closed meeting to impeach VicePresident Academic David Wood after
complaints by students were made against
him. When we asked the VP Academic for
an interview, he refused to comment on
tape. “Congress members had asked and
voted for a closed meeting, particularly
because it was a very sensitive issue”, said
Vice-President Finance Adam Plenkiewicz,
who also chaired the meeting. “They almost
unanimously voted for it to be closed,” he
added. Members of the press were asked to
leave, but sources say that five non-congress
members were allowed to stay, because they
were testifying in the hearing. “It was a
closed meeting, to essentially create as fair
an atmosphere as possible, while protecting the rights and wishes of those being
accused, and accusers,” said Collin PotterBonar, Vice-President Internal.
According to sources, a motion was
passed to suspend “Robert’s Rules of
Order”, and Congress used terms agreed
upon by both parties. Both were given an
unlimited amount of time to present their
case. Congress then asked both parties an
unlimited amount of questions, until they
were satisfied with the information given.
Conflict of interest votes were then elimi-
nated. “It was agreed that first of all the
witnesses who were members of Congress
would not be allowed to vote, due to a
simple conflict of interest. Congress had
no problem with that and all unanimously
agreed that these people were conflict of
interest. Because of this, they were asked
to surrender their vote,” said Plenkiewicz.
Witnesses, plaintiffs and defendants were
then asked to leave the room; Congress
debated the issue, and then had a secret
ballot vote. The results were as follows:
fifteen voted in favor of the impeachment,
four voted against, and four abstained.
The impeachment process failed, because
a three-quarter majority of everyone on
Congress regardless of whether or not they
are present is needed for an impeachment
to pass.
Minutes from the meeting may not be
available, because of its sensitive nature.
“There might be minutes available, however
if they are, they will be highly censored,
because once again, this is a very sensitive
issue”, said Plenkiewicz. “If we display
the contents of this meeting, we could be
ruining that man’s reputation.”
“There are no minutes available for
this meeting, because the people in question from both parties want to remain as
anonymous as possible…” said PotterBonar, “You could imagine that should you
be one of the plaintiffs in such a case, you
wouldn’t necessarily want your name to get
around, and same thing for the defendant,”
he added.
How will these events affect the Student
Union? According to sources, Congress is
asking for the VP Academic’s resignation.
“The impeachment process failed, so it’s
back to business…” said SUJAC President
Olivier Robichaud, “it’s business as usual,
and we all agreed to work professionally as
we did before,” he said optimistically.
Four months of terror finally come to an end
Nicola Fleming
News Editor
After four long months of fear
and uncertainty, three hostages finally
made their journeys home this weekend.
Canadians James Loney, 41, and Harmeet
Sooden, 33, along with Briton Norman
Kember, 74, and American Tom Fox,
54, were held hostage in Iraq since
last November by members of the
Swords of Righteousness Brigade.
T he kidnappers’ demands were
that all Iraqi prisoners being kept
by Westerners be released. Their
deadline was not met, but they kept
the hostages alive, sometimes sending out videos of them.
The four people taken hostage
were members of the Christian
Pe a c e m a k e r s, a n i n t e r n a t i o n a l
group traveling to Baghdad to visit
the Muslim Clerics Association, a
group of prominent Sunni leaders.
The meeting’s purpose was to oppose the U.S. occupation of Iraq.
The four men were kidnapped only
a short distance from the door of
the mosque, and were kept imprisoned
for four months. Their fate was uncertain during this time, and they were
threatened with death multiple times.
The Swords of Righteousness Brigade
told authorities that they believed the
four hostages were spies, and continued
to make demands for the release of
Iraqi prisoners.
For weeks, there were no significant
developments, and hope dwindled. On
March 10th, the United States mourned
when Tom Fox’s body was found at a
garbage dump in Baghdad. His hands
had been bound together, and he had
multiple gunshot wounds to his head
and chest. It is rumored that his body
showed signs of torture in the form of
bruises and cuts.
Finally, on March 23rd, thanks to
the efforts of British and U.S. troops,
the remaining three hostages were liberated from their captors. Miraculously,
no shots were fired in the mission, and
the three men were able to return home.
To avoid as much violence as possible,
the troops struck a deal with a captured
member of the group of kidnappers.
The man warned his henchmen that
there was an upcoming raid in order
to ensure that they would leave so that
the hostages could be rescued without
any violence. Despite having lost significant amount of weight from their
ter rifying stay in Iraq, they were in
fairly good condition. Their captors
had allowed them to exercise, and
provided Kember with necessary
medication.
James Loney arrived home on
March 26th to find a huge crowd
there to welcome him. He gave his
thanks to the troops who rescued
him, despite belonging to a group
that opposes all military. He was
truly grateful, and said that coming
home was something he’d dreamed
to keep himself going during his
terrifying experience as a hostage.
The other Canadian, Hermeet
Sooden, returned to New Zealand,
where he is studying in electrical
engineering. Some of his family
also lives there. The Englishman,
Norman Kember, also got home
safely.
These four men are not the first
hostages to have been taken in Iraq.
Over the last two years, insurgents in
Iraq have been responsible for the abductions of over 225 people, including
four Canadians. Out of these hostages,
38 have been executed, one of whom
Wednesday March 29th, 2006 • A word from our Editor-in-Chief
I don’t know what I’m doing...
Honestly... since this is my first editor’s
note as Editor-in-Chief, this is entirely new
ground for me. Reading over some of the past
ones, I came to the realization that there really
wasn’t very much in them. So I thought to
myself, in an “I need to convince myself ” kind
of tone, that I could write one just fine.
I was wrong.
I reiterate: I don’t know what I’m
doing...
But I guess I’ll try anyway.
I think the best part about the past ed’s
notes was that after you finished reading them,
it was hard to tell if you’d gained anything
from your efforts. I could try to continue that,
but I would prefer to be entertaining. And so,
I will regale you with tales of piratey misdeeds
and wacky adventures.
In the spirit of Multicultural Week,
Bandersnatch took responsibility for the
Canada booth. That’s right, the country that
has it all: hockey and lots of empty space. As
the Canada booth, we decided to offer “assorted maple cookies”. We have to say assorted,
because we invented a type of cookie in the
process that doesn’t actually have a name. This
new style of cookie was supposed to be a
maple flavoured sugar cookie, but because we
had purchased the wrong type of maple sugar,
instead of making a dough, the recipe made
goo. Looking at the goo, the News Editor and
I decided we should add some flour to give
the dough some consistency. An extra cup of
flour later, we began to contemplate the fact
that should we continue adding flour, the taste
of the cookies would be compromised. As a
solution, we started adding icing sugar (which
wasn’t even in the original recipe). Surprisingly
enough, these cookies turned out to be pretty
good, and in my opinion they taste almost
like a pancake.
That same night, I managed to screw up
making cookies badly enough that instead of
cookies, I ended up with an omelette. That’s
right, a yummiful two-cheese omelette. How,
you may ask? It’s not really as bad as it sounds,
I just exploded an egg into two already separated egg whites, so I put the other two yolks
back in and made an omelette. It was a damn
good omelette if I do say so myself. (Nicki
agrees, I’m not that pretentious.)
I guess that wasn’t very piratey... definitely
wacky... then again, I can’t exactly print piratey
misdeeds, now can I? I need to protect my
status as a student, so that I can continue being
Editor-in-Chief.
– Judy Gelsthorpe
SUJAC update
Hello again to all
students. Spring is here,
so are exams and SUJAC
is working harder than
ever. As some of you
may have heard, an impeachment was attempted against our VicePresident Academic,
David Wood. In order
to impeach an executive,
Congress needs have a
three-quarter absolute
majority in favour of it. These results were
not achieved, and therefore we are getting
on with our day-to-day business.
As always, I bring you an update from
our attempts at changing the grade review
system. Since JACFA (the teachers’ union)
has an agreement with FNEEQ not to
participate in any local negotiations, were
have solicited the support of other colleges. Vieux-Montréal, Ahuntsic and now
Shawinigan have all given us their support.
COAC (Confederation of Anglophone
Cegeps) has also voted in favour of supporting our cause. The two larger student
union federations, ASSÉ and FECQ, are
currently looking into the issue and we
are awaiting an answer from them. Once
we have sufficient support, we will ask
FNEEQ to begin negotiations with the
Fédération des Cégeps in order to have
the grade review system changed.
On Monday, Congress voted to join the
• Wednesday March 29th, 2006
protest organised by the
CFS-Quebec (Canadian
Federation of Students
- Quebec wing) to fight
for the universal accessibility to post-secondary
education. The goal is
to prevent the Charest
government from trying
to increase tuition fees
for university education. The protest will
be held on Thursday,
March 30 and will begin at 2:00 at Berry
Square. We will be walking all the way to
Jean Charest’s office (in Montreal, not in
Quebec City). We want all the people we
can get, so if you are interested, come see
us in our office at Penfield 101 and sign
up. We’ll answer any questions that you
might have.
I would also like to mention that
SUJAC is supporting JACFA in their struggles against law 142, the provincial decree
which dictated their collective agreement
in December. We agree that this is an
unjust law and we consider it an attack on
our right to assemble. Therefore, we invite
JACFA to inform us of any action they
wish to undertake against this decree so
that we may lend our help and support.
On that note, I leave you all to your
business. Have a very nice day and I’ll see
you next issue.
BANDERSNATCH
John Abbott College
21275 Lakeshore Road P.O. Box 2000
Sainte-Anne-de-Bellevue,
Quebec, Canada H9X 3L9
Phone: (514) 457-6610 ext. 5389
Fax:
(514) 457-6091
Office: H-041
E-mail: bandersnatch@johnabbott.qc.ca
Judy Gelsthorpe
Editor-in-Chief
Jessica Kalmar
Assistant Editor-in-Chief
Nicola Fleming
News Editor
Rob says:
Bill...if you don’t
pose with
bamboo, I will
make you do it.
Free beer flows
in Norway
Lauren Filiatreault
Staff writer
Haldis Gundersen was shocked this weekend when she turned the taps, expecting water
to flow out as usual. Instead, an extraordinary
act happened: beer flowed from the faucet.
Coincidentally, there was a horrific surprise at the Big Tower Bar two flights down
from the Haldis’ apartment, when employees
and customers alike were shocked by water
pouring from the beer taps. The problem
was linked to a plumbing mistake in a way
that has never before occurred, especially in
Kristiandsund, western Norway. Someone had
accidentally hooked beer hoses to the water
pipes to Haldis’ apartment.
“We had settled down for a cozy Saturday
evening, had a nice dinner, and I was just going to clean up a little,” Gundersen, 50, told
The Associated Press by telephone Monday.
“I turned on the kitchen faucet and beer
came out.”
The problem was solved when the local
beer distributor helped the Gundersons to reconnect the pipes by giving them instructions
over the phone. The pipes were successfully
switched back, and the Gundersons can now
enjoy their tasty, free water.
“The water and beer pipes do touch each
other, but you have to be really creative to
connect them together,” Per Egil Myrvang
told local newspapers.
No beer was harmed during this mix-up.
Jessica Kalmar
Campus Life Editor
Ashley Fairweather
Comics Editor
Judy Gelsthorpe
Entertainment Editor
Christina Bucci
Arts Editor
Lauren Rodrigez
Opinion Editor
Justin Banks
Games Page Editor
Joanna Lozowik
Sports Editor
Eric Chan
Production Manager
Emilie Bruneau
Office Manager
Jennifer Byrnes
Webmaster
Bandersnatch is the student-run Alternative Press
at John Abbott College. It is published every two
weeks and is partially funded by the Student Activities
Commitee and by advertising solicited members.
Submissions are welcome and become property of
Bandersnatch. Submissions must be sent via E-mail to
bandersnatch@johnabbott.qc.ca and must be in Plain
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the contributor to correct them. Submissions should be
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basement of Herzberg, room H-041 (across from the
hallway entrance of The Oval).
Bandersnatch News
What name brands say about John Abbott style.
Katie Nation
Staff Writer
John Abbott College has a look. You may
not personally believe that you conform to
one defined style of dress but if you look
around you’ll notice that, for the most part,
your fellow students do generally dress alike.
Before you jump to defend your individuality,
understand that this look really isn’t so bad:
jeans, sweatpants, plain cut t-shirts, plain polos and hoodies, all in a wide array of bright
colors. John Abbott in a nutshell, right? Well
the problem with defining a school like this
is that all schools dress this way. This look
is no more John Abbott than it is Dawson
or Vanier or whatever high school you came
from. Saying that we generally dress this way
would basically be saying that we generally dress “like students.” So how do John
Abbotters dress? What trend is apparent
throughout the school, besides the obvious “student” look? I recently made it my
personal mission, and in trying to find this
out, I was immediately struck by something
I previously hadn’t noticed, but which I now
can’t help but see on the majority of students
that I pass: the names.
Puma, Sean John, Kappa, Triple 5
Soul, Diesel. You see these names all over
the school but you’ve probably stopped
noticing them altogether. We’ve become
so accustomed to name brands everywhere
that we don’t even see them anymore, and
yet we continue to wear them anyway. But
why? Why do we wear them? Why at John
Abbott? More importantly, what are we saying when we wear name brands? I have to
admit, when I first noticed this trend I was
immediately discomforted. I tried to remain
objective, but the first thought that popped
into my head was the age-old argument, why
do we feel the need to define our styles by a
name? Of course I need to point out that the
key word here is ‘we.’ It discomforts me but
that doesn’t mean I’m completely innocent.
I’m guilty of owning a cliché Lacoste polo
and the odd t-shirt plastered with Triple Five
Soul. But why do we wear these names, and
is there anything
wrong with it?
The number
one reason why
someone would
buy an article of
clothing adorned
with the name
of the company
would be for the
message that this name gives across. Name
brands associate a person with a company
known for quality, style, and price. Wearing
the name of a company on the outside of
your clothing says “I shop here, and I’m
proud!” What troubles me about this message is that it takes fashion and it turns it
into something purely economical. For a
manufacturer, the more pride you display for
their brand name the more they are able to
cash in on your free advertising.
Of course, no one likes to admit that they
buy an article of clothing for the sake of
bragging, so I have to take into consideration
the fact that not all of these name brands and
logos are being displayed on purpose. Some
brands plaster their name on everything
they make (see: Roots, Nike) and sporting
their logo becomes unavoidable if you like
any of their clothes. The problem with this
argument is that very few brands do print
their name on every article (despite the obvious free advertising advantages) and more
often than not the more “high end” name
brands can be avoided. Most people like to
think that they have no choice in the matter
when it comes to buying clothing with obvious name brands,
that they like the
cut and color as opposed to the name,
but think of it this
way: If Wal Mart
and Winners started
covering their clothing in logos, would
you still be as willing to buy from them? I have a friend who I
once witnessed yelling at her mother for buying something that said “Bum equipment”
on it, not wanting to be associated with the
word BUM. This same friend doesn’t leave
the house without her prized Louis Vuitton
logo bag. Can we really say that sporting
those logos is unavoidable if she displays
such ease in rejecting a “lower” brand name?
If she truly wasn’t conscious of the power
of that logo she also shouldn’t have noticed
the “BUM”.
When it comes down to it, it’s hard to
run a blatant brand name off as “acciden-
tal”, which is why I urge Abbotters to think
about the message they’re giving off. Over
and above the fact that wearing these logos
and brand names is for the most part about
bragging, we should all consider what kind
of message this sends about our personal
style. When we cover ourselves in names are
we defining our style by the look of what
we wear, or by the image that the name represents? If you pair your jeans with a Sean
John t-shirt, are you saying “I look good in
a t-shirt and jeans” or “I look good when
people know that I wear Sean John”? If you
want to veer away from the John Abbott
“look” and create a style of your own, it’s
important that you recognize the difference.
Clothes are no longer made for protecting
our bodies from the elements but for making
personal statements. What statement are you
trying to make?
My advice is to keep the logos if that’s
what you feel you need to do, but keep them
minimal, or at least mix them up with your
own personal touch to make sure that this
name is not the most important element of
your ensemble. If you really love a certain
article but want to make a change, beat the
manufacturer by wearing it inside-out to say
“I like the cut and color but I don’t need to
be a walking billboard”. For those gutsy
few who really want to change the way they
wear brand names, follow in the Adbusters
footsteps by blocking out logos as a political
message (go to adbusters.org for details). Just
remember that a logo shouldn’t have to be
the focus of your outfit, you should.
Grave grade injustice
Jessica Kalmar
Assistant Editor-in-Chief
You may have walked by SUJAC
and seen the sign asking you to sign
the grade review petition, and wondered why they were asking you to sign
something you knew nothing about.
Keep in mind that SUJAC is fighting
for your rights as a student; if you feel
that you have been marked unfairly,
you can bring your paper up for a grade
review.
Currently, the committee in front of
which students appear consists of the
teacher in question, and two of his or
her Department colleagues. The student
can also bring an advocate with them to
appear before the committee, usually a
member of SUJAC. If the teachers mark
the paper differently than the grading
teacher, the grade will be changed.
SUJAC, growing concerned that the
grade review policy was biased, met
with Jim Leeke, the President of John
Abbott College Faculty Association
last October. The current mark review
system has been in place since the 1970s
and has not been up for review since
that time. The student union had the
Bandersnatch Campus Life
idea to remove the grading teacher from
the committee, and instead include
three teachers from the Department
in question. Both student and teacher
would be present to defend their case.
A t t h e m e e t i n g , L e e ke t o l d t h e
student union that it was too late for
the petition to have any effect on negotiations between the Fédération des
cegeps and the FNEEQ, but he advised
them to discuss changing the g rade
review policy with the faculty General
Assembly.
The faculty does not want to negotiate locally, and needs to maintain
a common front when faced with academic issues. It feels that the chances
of change are unlikely, even though the
petition has considerable support, with
upwards of 1,800 student signatures
and over 50 from Faculty members.
The student union is therefore
n e g o t i a t i n g w i t h l aw y e r s f r o m t h e
Association for Solidarity among
Student Unions; they are a more radical group that is fighting for the rights
of John Abbott students, and for other
cegeps as well. SUJAC is intending to
continue the fight against the grade
review policy during the next academic
year.
Montreal-famous belly dancer, Gabriela, performs in the Agora to celebrate John Abbott’s annual Multi-Cultural Week
Wednesday March 29th, 2006 • Stoner Bashin’ Time!
Yarkepsia O. Yakevohxi
Contributor
Maybe because it’s because the people
I went to elementary school with now have
kids. Maybe it’s because good friends and
family members have been completely ruined
starting because of it. Maybe because the
smell makes me feel like throwing up. Or
maybe it’s the ignorant (and annoying) giddiness associated with it. Hell, maybe it’s because it destroys your motivation, brain and
body. But I am really not okay with weed.
Okay so one man likes his marijuana – as
Smashmouth says “I’m getting stoned, and
what’s wrong with that?” But soon (and I
may be the only one to think it’s not excel-
lent), we will be selling it in depanneurs and
it will be allowed in bars (if the May 31st
thing doesn’t say anything about it). It will
be smoked far more often in the streets,
in front of people’s children. Parents will
condone it. Teachers will ignore it like they
do already. It constantly smells like weed in
the classrooms and nobody does anything,
although it is illegal, whether we choose to
acknowledge it or not.
Well, I don’t have hardcore proof that it
causes brain damage, because I trust there
is enough evidence out there if you care
enough to find it. But I have been around
enough to definitely know that it does lower
your mental capacity. It screws with your
mental capacity.
It’s not something that you can’t quit,
but it does cause a lot of carnage. I have no
doubt that most of the college drop-outs or
Van Wilder wannabes I know of have some
sort of link to the drug typically perceived
as “vanilla”.
I have a friend who is so adamantly
against my thinking in this manner that she is
almost as passionately for pot as I am against
it. Her eyes almost welled up in tears when
I voiced some displeasure (just a snide comment not an actual complaint) about people
in general smoking and she said, “Why?
Why?” When I recoiled, she sat forward in
her chair, looked me in the eyes, and said
in earnest, “No, tell me. Right now.” I did
my best but you can only go so far in actual
conversation, it is far easier in writing not
to get interrupted, and to get all your points
across. This is what I’m attempting now. It is
never easy when you feel so strongly about
something.
I have a strong dislike towards people
who smoke up constantly, or at least who just
like weed and the idea of being a stoner so
much that all they ever want is to be a stoner.
And when I try to stick up for my friends (by
nicely trying to ask them about their habit, or
by gently trying to dissuade them into doing
something else since it’s not my cup of tea)
I get the usual “adults make their own decisions”, and the whole “why are you trying to
control my life” spiel.
Why do I seem to be the only one on
earth who doesn’t smoke weed? Am I more
exposed to it than most people in my position? I sometimes think it must be all the
rock and roll. I play guitar and love anything
music-related. Why are people obsessed with
such good things as love, sex, friendship, art,
and music always so obsessed with weed? Is
it really true that you can only be inspired to
do any of these things when under the influence of THC? Is it really as great as I hear?
Don’t answer that. I never hope to find out.
I especially don’t hope to hear a yes.
I’ve always been vehemently against
the pollution of my body with substances,
chemical or not, that cause me problems (and
give me neither energy nor nourishment).
They tell me it’ll free my mind, but isn’t this
just another form of brain control? Doesn’t
everyone who’s high think the same? And
doesn’t everyone who doesn’t do it feel the
strange but insatiable need to justify him or
herself ? Even I could not use my real name.
But that in fact happens to be for personal
reasons you may or may not notice at the
very end of the article.
Even our government is giving in to
peer pressure. Appalling is the fact that
Today In
Bring back late fees, damn it!
in the hopes that one has been returned.
P. Ashton
Bandersnatch Kevin
He tells you that he doesn’t have one, but
Contributor
that he’ll check the computer to see if there
History
is one in stock in case you missed one. So,
B L AY N E ! I t h i n k e ve r yo n e i n
Bandersnatch has a qualm with Blayne at
the moment. Ashley, the Comics Editor,
because Blayne ate the cupcake that Big Gay
Mike made her. Everyone else in Bander is
annoyed because Blayne decided, instead of
asking nicely if we could let him out of the
closet, to break the door open. Apparently
ripping the lock mechanism out of the door,
sending splinters everywhere, was a better
idea. This in turn forced Lauren, Opinions
Editor, to go to Bill and place a work order.
Eri, Production Manager, just doesn’t like
Blayne in general.
On a less angry note, Bruneau, Office
Manager, decided to go to a friend’s class.
The teacher asked them to be quiet. They
were able to maintain this quiet for roughly
ten minutes until Bruneau began to laugh and
snort uncontrollably, receiving very strange
looks and being kicked out of class.
Also, the new Editor-in-Chief not only
has a Coke addiction, but an addiction to
sugar as well. Spoon, sugar... heaven?
• Wednesday March 29th, 2006
Ok, here we go. You walk into a video
store on a Wednesday night, and all you
want to do is to get a copy of Derailed
after reading a review about it in this issue
of Bandersnatch on page 6. So, you grab it
off the shelf and bring it to the front; the
guy across the counter tells you that you
have a late fee for some movie you rented,
like, a month ago, and you have to pay it
before you can rent anything else. When
you ask him what movie it was, the title
doesn’t ring any bells. You ask more and
more questions about this, and get angrier
and angrier as you listen to his answers.
Around now, you have two options: either
stick it to the guy across the counter, walk
out of there, and convince yourself that
it’s a matter of principal, or suck it up,
pay the dollar that you owe, go home, and
watch Derailed.
Now, think about this: you walk into
the same video store, and you still want
Derailed, but guess what? This time
Derailed isn’t on the shelf. So you go up to
the same clerk to ask him if he has a copy,
the clerk checks, and sees that all the copies
are out, and that actually, most of them are
late. You angrily grumble about the store’s
slogan, “Tons of New Releases”. Would
you be surprised to find that I am the clerk
in that store?
I work at a Super Club Vidéotron.
When Blockbuster decided to stop charging late fees, our customers asked us why
Vidéotron wasn’t doing the same. As a
result, the owner of my store decided to
give customers a seven-day grace period,
but would charge a dollar a day after the
week was up. About a month or so later,
customers started to complain that our
movies were always late, and told us that
we should bring back the late fees. We
didn’t charge these fees for seven months,
and according to the statistics prepared by
the store’s management, we lost $30,000 in
merchandise and revenue. Keeping the late
fees could have prevented this loss.
Of course, it is easy to come up with
the cons of late fees; it’s a no-brainer.
However, they do serve a purpose: first of
the government is actually falling back on
itself by decriminalizing it. Worse, they link
the legalization of gay marriage to it by decriminalizing the possession of the drug at
the same time as allowing same-sex lovers
to be legally laid. So, we are all liberated, but
now we should (but probably will not) ask
ourselves,
I may be crazy, and I’m starting to think
I am as everyone I know seems to be completely against me, but the truth is the truth,
even if nobody believes it. A lie is a lie, even
if everyone believes it.
I was recently scandalized when a teacher
of mine walked into the room with a smile
on her face. “I smell marijuana,” she said in
a singsong voice. Rumor has it that one of
the other teachers had been smoking it, and
definitely two of the students (I don’t believe
they were together).
The worst part is that the youth of today
(and yesterday for that matter) doesn’t even
realize that it’s actually something to be concerned about. When I bring up the matter
people usually laugh in my face. I may be
crazy. But then why does all evidence point
to the same culprit?
I’m telling the truth as far as I can tell,
as far as all written facts and life experiences
have proven to me. I hate weed. I hate it.
I hate it more every time I smell it on the
street, or on the clothing of a loved one.
I hate it more with every high school drop
out and with every time my mother forgets
something important that I told her. I have
never even held a joint, and writing about it
makes me cry. Drugs are bad, mmmkay?
all, late fees are an incentive for people to
return their rentals on time. Second, they
help the store make the money they could
have potentially lost from the late return
of a movie. Put it this way: in my store, a
new release is $5.75, for a two-day rental.
From personal experience and from actual
statistics worked out by the store’s management, a new release has a near guarantee
of being rented as soon as it comes back
to the store. For the store to make a profit
on the movie, it must be rented about
six times. According to those statistics, a
movie is rented, on average, fifteen times
in the first three weeks. And if the movie
isn’t there, it can’t be rented, so the store
has to compensate somehow. Finally, in
the seven months that Videotron had a
seven-day grace period, there were record
numbers of late movies. These were not
just one or two days late, but six or seven
days. As a result, we had large amounts
of new releases that were unavailable for
customers to rent. Late fees don’t just work
in favour of the store, they help guarantee
that the movie will be there for the customers. And honestly, how long do you really
need to keep a movie for?
Bandersnatch Opinions
80’S NIGHT
SATURDAY APRIL 8TH
80’S PRICES
GUEST DJ TAI HARTT
CASH PRIZES FOR BEST 80’S LOOK
Wednesday March 29th, 2006 • Who you gonna call?
Judy Gelsthorpe
Editor-in-Chief
What’s the first thing you do after
getting mug ged? After seeing someone get raped? You call the cops. That
is, unless you happen to be Charles
Schine (Clive Owen). Unfortunately
for him, since he was about to engage
in some adulterous behaviour with
Lucinda Harris (Jennifer Aniston), he
decided that it would be better not to
call the cops and just scamper home
to his loving wife and diabetes riddled
daughter. All in all not a horrible idea,
until the mug ger/rapist calls him up
with some potent blackmail material
and a demand for all the hard-earned
money he’d saved up for his daughter’s
newly imported kidney.
The only real problem in the movie
is how incredibly unlikely the whole
thing is. Not only because it relies
on some hardcore coincidences, but
it also calls for the main character
to be ridiculously stupid at times yet
char mingly intelligent at others.
Obvious plot holes aside, this film
f e a t u r e d t h e p e r f o r m a n c e s o f t wo
out-of-genre actors that actually managed believable perfor mances. Well,
they would have been believable if
the plot line was even remotely plausible. The one actor that really shone
in this film was Vincent Cassel, who
played the role of the greasy, thuggish, and French Philippe LaRoche.
It was surprisingly easy to hate his
character, which is a testament to just
how greasy and
thug gish he managed to be.
Not that this
film is bad under
any and all circumstances, there was
no real noticeable
bad acting, the
directing was at
the ver y least acceptable. The only
problem lies with
the ‘Hollywood
ending’ and how
everything unfolds
like it was written in an airport
A not so super session
Barbara Radziwon
Padawon of Entertainment
Music has the extraordinar y ability to stir emotions and to recall old
forgotten memories. No matter what
genre, music has the power to paint
a p o r t r a i t i n yo u r m i n d . P i c t u r e a
classy club or lounge and the sounds
of your favorite old time singers; this
is the image that Sondre Lerche and
the Faces Down Quar tet latest CD
creates.
• Wednesday March 29th, 2006
D u p e r S e s s i o n i s a “ b a ck t o
basics” collection of songs that are
both relaxing and imaginative. This
jazzy-pop CD shows a more intimate
side of this Norwegian singer and his
band. Still in his early twenties, Lerche
has already recorded two albums, Faces
Down (2002) and Two Way Monologue
(2004). For his third album, Lerche
partnered up with The Faces Down
Quartet once again, and recorded a
handful of songs with simple lyrics
and catchy tunes.
Duper Session has an old style
char m to it and a cabaret
sound. It brings listeners into
a different time and place
that is filled with melody
and romanticism. Although
it is a tribute to such singers as Frank Sinatra and
Tony Bennett, this CD is not
for the moder n/rock music
lover.
The album begins with a
few strong songs with likable har mony and tasteful
lyrics, but about halfway
through, that all seems to die
away. A l t h o u g h t h e s e c o n d
half of the CD still has an
upbeat tempo, it feels as if
Lerche just recorded a few
more songs to finish off the
a l b u m . S o n g s f ive t o e i g h t
are long, boring, and seem
rather repetitive. However, all
is not lost and although the
last song seems never ending,
novel... oh wait, it was.
If however, you watch this film
solely for entertainment value, it is
possible to really enjoy it. Excessive
violence is key. If you start watching
it in the right frame of mind and without too many expectations, Derailed
will entertain you. In the end, what
else is a movie really for?
Upcoming
Events
Aerosmith
Centre Bell
Sunday, March 19th, 2006
7:30 PM
Rob Zombie
Metropolis
Monday, April 3rd, 2006
8:00 PM
Taste of Chaos Tour
Stade Uniprix
Sunday, April 15th, 2006
5:00 PM
Willie Nelson
Centre Bell
Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006
6:30 PM
CD Releases
Rob Zombie
Educatd Horses
Monday, April 3rd, 2006
Lerche and the quartet redeem themselves by adding an extremely witty
bonus song. This song is not listed on
the back of the CD case and is sung
in Lerche’s native tongue. The song is
quick, sharp, catchy, and has a sound
that will get your feet tapping.
Lerche stated that this CD is
merely a war m up for another CD
that he and the Faces Down Quartet
will start recording this April or May
and will have a more rock n’ roll feel
to it. The album should be released
this upcoming fall, though there is
little hope that Lerche will be able
to break away from the cabaret style
he has in Duper Session and his past
two recordings. Do not expect Duper
Session to top the charts or gain much
commercial success, because there are
only a handful of people who can fall
in love with this genre of music.
Aside from the few songs that
seem a little underdeveloped, Sondre
Lerche and the Faces Down Quartet’s
CD, Duper Session, is a sur prisingly
g ood piece of quality work. It is a
breath of fresh air compared to the
all the hip-hop heard on the radios
today. Overall if you’re looking for
something new and different, by all
means give Duper Session a tr y; who
knows, you just might like it!
Goo Goo Dolls
Let Love In
Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
Tool
10,000 Days
Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006
Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Stadium Arcadium (2XCD)
Tuesday, May 9th, 2006
New on DVD
Chicken Little
Derailed
Everything is Illuminated
Get Rich or Die Tryin’
The Dying Gaul
In the Mix
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
Paradise Now
A Sound of Thunder
Stay
Bandersnatch Entertainment
Great Big Sea’s great big show
Nicola Fleming
News Editor
From the moment they ran out onto
the stage at the Olympia Theatre on
Saturday, March 18 th , until the show
came to an end three hours later, all five
members of Great Big Sea put on an
incredible show. The concert was split
up into two sets, with a short break in
between the two. The first set consisted
of old ditties and folk songs that the
band members had learned growing up
in Newfoundland. Many of these tracks
are featured on their latest album, The
Hard and the Easy. During the second
part of the show they played their own
compositions; songs that they’ve written
during the thirteen years the band has
been together.
When the members of Great Big Sea
ran onto the stage, the audience leapt to
their feet at once. The band members
opened up with an energetic rendition
of “Captain Kid”, a folk song that dates
back centuries and tells the story of
the famous pirate captain. They followed this one up with an old favourite,
“Donkey Riding”.
After these two songs, the band
stopped playing for a few minutes to
chat with the audience. Alan Doyle, one
of the main vocalists, got a real shock
when he told everyone that they’d last
played in Toronto. The stunned expres-
sion on his face was priceless as the crowd started
booing at the mention
of Toronto. In fact, the
booing soon tur ned to
laughter. Poor Alan had
no idea what he’d said
wrong.
During the first part
of the concert they played
several tracks from their
new album, including
“The Mermaid”. The song
tells of a sailor’s love for
a mer maid, but also of
his dislike of her lack of
legs. Towards the end
of the song, the sailor
encounters the mermaid’s
sister, who is a fish above
the waist…but all girl below! Along with the many
tracks from their new album, Great Big
Sea didn’t neglect to perform old favourites, such as “Rover”, “A Boat Like
Gideon Brown”, and “Scolding Wife”.
For the second part of the show,
the audience was treated to many of
Great Big Sea’s original hits, including
a version of “Sea of No Cares” that
was much softer than the released track.
Alan described it as the way they’d intended the song to sound when they first
wrote it, and it sounded wonderful.
When the band wrapped up the show
with one last song, the noise from the
audience was deafening. As the members of Great Big Sea left the stage, the
crowd continued to cheer for four or
five minutes until, with an even louder
roar from the crowd, they came back for
an encore…and what an encore! They
played not just one, not two, but three
more songs before leaving the stage.
After a couple more minutes of cheering
and chanting, they came back onstage
and played another three songs before
the concert came to an end.
Overall, the show was fantastic. All
of the members of Great Big Sea are
Clydes
talented, and each play more than one
instrument. Guitars, accordions, drums,
a mandolin, percussion, a fiddle, and
more were all used, adding real variety
throughout the show. When the talented Sean McCann discovered that his
favourite flute had been broken, another
was soon brought out so that the show
could go on. Although the band had
many instruments they still played a few
songs, such as “River Driver” and “Old
Brown’s Daughter”, acapella. With their
talents and energy combine, they created
an amazing show.
Presents…
Friday March 31:
Clydes Annual
SPRING INTO SUMMER BASH
Games
Prizes
Beach wear
Beach Music and more..
Free entry if you are dressed in beachwear!
Loads of FREE stuff from:
Annual Battle of the Bands starts in May.
To enter please call Matt at 630-8118, or e-mail clydes@videotron.ca. Spots are filling up!
Bandersnatch Entertainment
Wednesday March 29th, 2006 • • Wednesday March 29th, 2006
Bandersnatch Comics
Welcome to the family
Justin Banks
Games Page Editor
“Someday, and that day may never come,
I will ask of you to perform a favor for me.”
That favor will most indefinitely be to aid
the Corleone family in The Godfather videogame. Available for PS2, Xbox, and PC,
The Godfather sets you up as a young man
whose father was gunned down by a mafia
family. After his death,
Don Vito Corleone
takes you into his arms
and those of his family, preparing you for
the day when you shall
exact your revenge.
Following the story of
the first film closely,
you become an unofficial enforcer for the
Corleone family, doing
mostly grunt work that
was not shown in the
film. But eventually
you will rise through the
ranks and become the Don yourself.
Unlike Grand Theft Auto, which this
game obviously mimics, you have the option to decide what your character looks
like. With as much detail as the character
creator from EA’s Tiger Woods series, your
mobster will be as individual as yourself.
Hell, recreate yourself if you want to go for
total game immersion. After you bring your
cookie-cut Italian-American into the game’s
streets of New York, you might find yourself
overwhelmed by the attention to detail in the
grandeur and size of New York. At times,
the accuracy of the streets will be confusing
as you try to make your way to your next
objective point, but The Godfather gives
many possible secondary objectives that can
affect your character’s statistics and reputation which you are able to complete on the
way. Obtain hit contracts and take out the
target or “negotiate” with business owners
for a share of their profit to gain respect
from your family. As your respect goes up
so do your stats, similar to an experience
system in an RPG. In time you can even
hijack parked cars without alerting the coppers. Being cautious is always useful since
just about anything raises the police alert level
substantially; so watch where you break wind,
you never know who’s listening.
While not as graphically impressive
as other new titles available for the systems,
The Godfather’s visuals aren’t an eyesore
either. Facial expressions are well depicted
along with the likeliness of the original actors. Many of the original actors supply the
voices for their characters, while others who
declined to record or who are dead (Marlon
Brando being of the latter) have had imitators supply the voices.
If you’ve not seen the first film then
most of the story will be lost on you, so for
the sake of enjoying the game, I demand
that you see it. Make no mistake though,
the game is still lots of fun if you haven’t
seen it. Rejoice in the silence of death by
piano wire and cries of business owners as
you build your empire.
Final Rating 9 out of 10.
Call of Duty 2 continues a sucessful series
Blayne Bradley
Games Page Editor
Call of Duty 2 was not only one of
the most anticipated games of 2005, but is
also in my honest and yet barely… humble
opinion one of the best games of the year.
For you see most game companies seem to
ask, “what can we do to ruin the average
gamers game experience?” Well I am happy
to say that to my amazement its as though
the makers of Call of Duty 2 did the exact
opposite and made a game that kicks ass. In
the original Call of Duty you started with
an American campaign in boot camp where
you got a basic idea on how to operate a
gun, throw grenades, plant C4 etc. Then
they started off with the airborne landings
(Band of Brothers style) in Normandy for
you are with the best of the best, the 101st
airborne division. For those who watch Band
of Brothers, you’ll be pleased with the ability to interact with some of those soldiers
mentioned and places they fought in. Then
you have the British campaign where you
land in Normandy with the SAS and do
various commando missions. But all this is
only a prelude to the ultimate kick ass in the
Call of Duty series, the Russian campaign,
where everything seems cut out of the
movie Enemy at the Gates. You may not be
Vassili Zaitsev but by god you do many cool
things.
The expansion to Call of Duty is Call
of Duty: United Offensive. The formula
is repeated minus the boot camp. The new
Bandersnatch Games Page
American campaign takes place beginning
with the siege of Bastonne and then proceed
with the liberation of Foy. Then you have the
crafty Brits: beginning with a bombing run
behind enemy territory while fending off
fighters and doging flak. Unfortunately your
bomber gets shot down and you’ll have to
help the French attack
a German garrison,
after this you’re abducted by the SAS
and join a raid on
a Italian shore battery in Sicily. Once
again, the awesomeness has yet to begin
with the Battle of
Kursk, where you’re
Russian and have to
fend off Elephant
tanks, Panzers attacks,
and Stuka dive bombers as you defend your
trench to the last man and the last bullet. So
with these two kick ass Call of Duty titles
you would expect Infinity Games to screw
up with Call of Duty 2, but they didn’t. In
Call of Duty 2 they crank up the awesome
by have several new features.
For example, the first thing you’ll notice
is that there are no health packs: in fact there
is no health bar, it’s all done in a system where
by you recover health by crouching. This
is good because in higher difficulty modes
it’s impossible to exploit and it encourages
crouching rather then bunny hopping in multiplayer. The graphics are supped up so the
guns look more gritty and realistic improving
the feel of the game. Snipers also have a
cool new feature where they can “hold”
their breath for several seconds to steady
your aim. Finally, aside from a whole new
assortment of weapons such as the Russian
Pphs-43, there is an intelligent squad AI,
Infinity Games has recorded some 20,000
phrases for all three
campaigns. What
does this mean? It
means that your
squad mates are actually USEFUL for
a change, pointing
out the location of
the enemy correctly
in each case. Also
one of the best features of the game is
the ability for you
the player to choose
your own path to victory in each mission.
But the most kick-ass feature for Call
of Duty 2 is that the Russian campaign
starts first and as you go on can unlock the
British campaign and by playing the British
campaign you can unlock the American
campaign. It’s non-linear so you can jump
to and from the various missions in the
three campaigns, allowing you to repeat
awesome experiences in Call of Duty 2.
So in conclusion, Call of Duty 2 is a great
and challenging game and its multiplayer
is even cooler. I really suggest it for any
college student.
Final Rating 10 out of 10.
Coming Soon
Heroes of Might & Magic 5
PC
4/03/06
From Russia with Love
PSP
4/04/06
Tomb Raider: Legend
PC, Playstation 2, Xbox, Sony
PSP, Xbox 360
4/11/06
Battlefield 2: Modern
Combat
Xbox 360
4/11/06
Condemned: Criminal
Origins
PC
4/11/06
New Releases
FarCr y Instincts:
Evolution/Predator
Xbox 360, Xbox
Full Spectrum Warrior: Ten
Hammers
Xbox, PS2, PC
Har vest Moon: Ma gical
Melody
GC
Kingdom Hearts II
PS2
Rumble Roses XX
Xbox 360
Wednesday March 29th, 2006 • Childhood
Monica Oldfield - Contributor
Dakishimete
apples and oranges
Barbara Radziwon - Staff Writer
the laments of the maple
Christina Bucci - Arts Editor
Christina Bucci - Arts Editor
there she sat
with a knife in one hand
and an apple in the other
sitting on a rock
in the garden
down the street
where the little girls
played hopscotch
and the boys
climbed the fence
reaching for the heavens
but falling short of the top
where the barbed wire
enclosed them forever
between those four walls
of eternity
there stood I
for generations passed
and generations to come
immobile
safe for the wind
and my ends
tickling them
allowing them
the false belief
they could move
they never tried to get out
really
for they knew little
of what could have been
what would have been
what should have been
for ignorance
brings a superior bliss
than knowledge
as she cuts deeply
through
the apple of life
one half in her mouth
tasting sour
the other in her hand
holding on
to the sweetness
of possibility
Mr. Lion
Christina Bucci - Arts Editor
long ago saw I
your first footsteps
watched you grow tall
as I grew wide
felt you climb throughout me
love me
heard your first words
your every secret
your biggest fears
witnessed
your first love
the mistakes
the regrets
the joys
and what is there left
for me to see?
your utter failures?
your degeneration?
your death?
I wish I could only
turn around
but I am
immobile
and must watch on
and on
till death do us part
After the Storm
10 • Wednesday March 29th, 2006
Erin Murphy - Contributor
Bandersnatch Arts
s
Short Track Team World Championship
Meneldil Meldon
Contributor
During the 2006 Winter Olympics, much
attention was given to Canada’s Speed Skating
contingent. Of these, the short track speed
skaters were more closely followed in Quebec.
There were no less than 12 medalists, of which
10 were from Quebec, with one currently living
in Montreal.
Now, after all the attention received in
February, I thought it might be nice to mention that during the weekend of March 25th,
the Maurice Richard Arena in the East end of
Montreal was host to the Short Track Team
World Championship.
This event is a test of not only one individual’s capabilities but those of a whole national
team. There were eight countries scheduled
to participate in this year’s event. These were
Korea, Japan, China, United States of America,
Italy, the Netherlands, Russia, and Canada,
the defending men’s world champions in the
competition. Unfortunately, the Russians didn’t
make it to the championship, for undisclosed
reasons.
Each country fields a team of five athletes
of each gender. Canada’s men’s team consisted
of François-Louis Tremblay, Charles Hamelin,
Mathieu Turcotte, Jonathan Guillemette, and
Playoff race
Meneldil Meldon
Contributor
It’s that time of year: when an entire
season’s efforts are put to the test. It’s
when you put in every last ounce of energy
to make sure that if you believe you are
deserving, you will make it to the NHL
Playoffs.
At least, that’s what you think the players on the teams fighting for the last two or
three playoff positions are thinking.
The Habs entered the week of March
12th in seventh position, and looked to be
riding the outstanding play of Cristobal
Huet into six th . The week started off
badly, with a 2-1 loss to the Tampa Bay
Lightning, but sub par perfor mance
by back-up goaltender David Abeisher
dashed their hopes, as they would go on
to lose two consecutive games, one to the
Carolina Hurricanes, and the other to the
lowly Pittsburgh Penguins, who occupy
the least coveted position of worst team
in the National Hockey League. A return
to the goal by Cristobal Huet against the
Washington Capitals on March 20th seemed
to stem the tide, when the Habs won 4-2.
But the following night, playing against
the Islanders in New York, they fell 3-1 in
a very disappointing performance by both
the team’s forwards and defense.
This was when the Habs dropped as
low as ninth in the Eastern Conference;
this was the picture as they got set to play
a two-game miniseries at the Bell Center
Bandersnatch Sports
Éric Bédard. As you can probably tell from the
names, they are all from Quebec. The women’s
team was made up of Anouk Leblanc-Boucher,
Anna Krauss, Amanda Overland, Tania Vicent,
and Kalyna Roberge.
The competition involves five distances for
the men’s team and five for the women. Each
distance has two races, and each team must enter
a different member for the two races, except for
the relay. The athlete is awarded points for each
race, which add to the team total. Their position
at the finish is broken down as follows: five for
first, three points for second, two for third and
one for fourth. A disqualification earns you no
points. The winning team is that which finishes
the weekend with the most points.
Qualifying on Saturday gave Canada a
strong dominance over the rest of the world,
winning 17 of a possible 20 races - nine for the
women and eight for the men.
Unfortunately, Sunday’s finals were not as
fruitful. Canada’s men’s team finished second
in the points standing, with 36 points.
The South Koreans, considered
Canada’s arch enemy in the sport,
finished with 39 points. The women
finished third overall, with 26 points.
South Korea, with 40 points and
China, with 38, outperformed them.
This is the same result for Canada’s
women as last year.
The men secured their second
place finish with a win in the 5,000m
relay race. Charles Hamelin also won
two other races, the 500m and the
3,000m. He was the only member of
the men’s team to fare so well.
The women only won the two
500m races, with Kalyna Roberge and Tania
Vicent taking five points each. Amanda
Overland and Anouk Leblanc-Boucher finished
second in their respective 1,000m events.
Our men and our women are still some
of the best Short Track speed skaters in the
world, and will prove themselves individually
in Minnesota next weekend.
against the rival Toronto Maple Leafs. A
swarm of white and blue sweater-wearing
Leafs fans flooded the streets of downtown Montreal to help their team, sitting
a mere three points behind the Habs, to
win. Back to back victories would see the
Canadiens leapfrog the Leafs.
As is the case for many MontrealToronto games, the stage was set for excitement, with emotions flaring and pure
and unbridled passion coursing through
the veins of the players and fans.
And when Thursday came, it appeared
that Toronto decided to let down their fans
by playing some of the worst hockey they
have produced this season. The Montreal
Canadiens delivered a shellacking to their
opponents, finishing the game 5-1.
And as expected, on Saturday, the Leafs
knew they had to come out of the blocks
at full throttle. And they did, with Mats
Sundin scoring a powerplay goal in the
third minute of the game. Unfortunately
for them, Montreal scored five unanswered
goals in response, two of which were by
Radek Bonk. The Leafs scored a goal in
the first seconds of the third period, but
a tally by Garth Murray gave a final result
of 6-2 for the Habs.
Montreal would play the following
night in Pittsburg, and they won their first
game this season against the Penguins,
6-5.
With that win, the Habs took eigh th
place and tied with the seventh place New
Jersey Devils. They are only two points behind the sixth place Tampa Bay Lightning.
And with only 11 games left to play, they
are precariously perched three points ahead
of the Atlanta Thrashers.
Last 11 Games
For The Habs
March 28th vs Islanders
March 30th vs Capitals
April 1st vs Bruins
April 4th vs Bruins
April 6th @ Sens
April 8th vs Devils
April 10th vs Sens
April 12th @ Sabres
April 13th @ Bruins
April 15th vs Sabres
April 18th vs Devils
Standings in
the East
TEAM GAMES PLAYED POINTS
1-x-Ottawa* 70
102
2-x-Carolina* 71 100
3-NY Rangers*72
92
4-Buffalo
71
94
5-Philadelphia71
90
6-Tampa Bay 72
81
7-New Jersey 71
79
8-Montreal
71
79
9-Atlanta
71
76
10-Florida
71
73
11-Toronto
71
72
12-NY Islanders70 71
13-Boston
69
73
14-Washington70 55
15-Pittsburgh 71
48
Wednesday March 29th, 2006 • 11
Two weeks ago on Raw, The McMahons
began the night celebrating a big win over
Shawn Michaels, and they thought they’d end
the night with more victory fanfare. Despite
being warned by Mr. McMahon that there
would be “hell to pay” if he got involved,
WWE Champion John Cena intervened to
even the odds as Shane McMahon & Triple H
double-teamed HBK in a McMahon-ordered
Handicap Match. With Triple H poised to hit
a Pedigree and Shane perched atop the ropes,
Cena stormed to ringside and attacked. What
followed was a chaotic melee as McMahon’s
massive security personnel rushed into the
ring. Somehow, Cena and Michaels cleaned
house, hitting an FU and “Sweet Chin Music”
in the process. McMahon said that the next
week, it’ll be “The Champ vs. the WWE
Chairman”.
RAW’s main event was originally scheduled to be Michaels & Cena vs. Triple H &
Shane-O-Mac. But soon after the bell, Mr.
McMahon ordered Cena & HBK to be officially disqualified for the use of a clinched
fist. Of course, no such infraction was enforced against Shane, who used punch after
punch, in the subsequent Handicap Match
12 • Wednesday March 29th, 2006
ordered by his father.
Shelton Benjamin defended his
Intercontinental Championship against
Rob Van Dam & Ric Flair in a Triple Threat
Match. The match ended in highly unusual fashion, as Benjamin snatched a victory
probably seconds before Flair could win the
championship with his signature submission
hold. RVD missed a Five-Star Frog splash,
opening the door for Flair to cinch in the
Figure Four Leglock. But with RVD writhing
in pain, Shelton opportunistically covered
“The Nature
Boy.” Flair’s legs
were still locked
up with RVD’s
making a kickout impossible
and paving the
way for Shelton’s
big win.
No result
was determined
from the match
between Triple
H and Shawn
Micheals, last
Monday Night, on Raw. Vince McMahon
had interfered with the match, twice, trying to
ensuring that HBK wouldn’t get a win or any
momentum heading into Wrestlemania 22,
on April 2. Eventually McMahon’s distractions led to a Pedigree, but Cena intervened
before Triple H use his sledgehammer on
Micheals.
The WWE Chairman forced WWE
Champion John Cena into a match based
on last week’s events, but he added an
important detail, Triple H would be hand-
cuffed to the ropes by his corner, while
Shawn Michaels would be handcuffed
near Cena’s corner. Vince McMahon had
a match against WWE Champion John
Cena. Mr. McMahon impressed his RAW
opponent with his massive physique,
but Cena still managed to get the upper
hand in the match. McMahon gave Cena
a low blow, causing his disqualification.
McMahon then freed Triple H leveled and
bloodied Cena with a sledgehammer while
HBK looked on in helpless disgust. The
Chairman and The Game then set their
sights on Micheals who took a sledgehammer shot and a steel chair blast from
Mr. McMahon. McMahon and Triple H
stood over their bloody WrestleMania
opposition as RAW went off the air.
Mick Foley presented Edge with the gift of a
baseball bat for use in their Hardcore Match
this Sunday. But The Hardcore Legend then
uncovered a barbed-wire baseball bat of his
and said he’ll literally carve up Edge in their
dangerous grudge match at WrestleMania.
Also, RAW’s Money in the Bank Ladder
Match participants brawled and the World
Tag Team Champions again tangled with
their young WrestleMania challengers. Kane
beat Carlito via disqualification, and Chris
Masters abandoned an attempt at placing
Big Show in The Master Lock Challenge,
instead attacking him from behind.
And two more additions to the WWE Hall
of Fame Class of 2006 were announced:
“Mr. USA” Tony Atlas will be inducted by
S.D. “Special Delivery” Jones, while William
“Refrigerator” Perry will join Pete Rose in
the celebrity wing of the Hall and will be
inducted by WWE Champion John Cena.
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